#just reblogging other peoples writing

[dumpster-dive-reading]

So I’ve been reading Harry Potter fanfics.

Here’s a good one. Pet snakes, the dursleys aren’t so bad, magical mischief, and perplexed professors. An absolute delight of a read, very recommended.

[dumpster-dive-reading]

Just reblogging another fav platondere.

So it says you requests are open so what about a fantasy erasermic family maybe they are royal are something idk (getting to close to the wonderland one lol) but the reader has a love interest and one night they have a party or ball something like that and the reader sneaks off to find the love interest but then shinsou or eri follows them and sees they are kissing when I think of this idea I think of the song ‘fairytale’ well I’m sorry if this is a studious idea and wasting your time bai bai

YANDERE FANTASY ROYAL FAMILY ERASERMIC X READER

Warning, contains a very, very, brief mention of the reader seeing something sexual, just so readers know

(Hi! I’m really sorry taht I changed some of it, but it hi it hot this way I could get a better plot line down, so it would be easier to read, I kept the rest the same, but changed the “finds you kissing”. Again, really sorry! I can rewrite it if you wnat!)

Also I impulsively wrote this at 2:00 I the morning because I liked the idea so much, it was so cute!

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There was one night a year when the town was able to come close to the royal family, the most anyone ever sees of them is from behind a fence, being protected by many, many bodyguards, they are the rulers of a whole contingent afterall, so of course they need to be protected. Everyone here is just lucky they were able to stay in this town, near them. You included. Your parents owned a small bakery on scuttle street, they are quite famous to the people in this town for their pastries and pies, always crafted to perfection. You just helped with the ingredients, and worked counter, you’d met your fiancé at the bakery, he worked to knead the dough for pastries and breads, you’d grown closer, and eventually, bam, you fell in deep, deep love.

You actually had never attended the ball, your parents always did, but never you, there was always a rush to get something for the royals before the ball, and it was a known fact taht the little girl liked sweets, so every time, right before the ball, there would be about 100 people coming in and out with a pastry, and you, little old you, are always forced to work counter that night. It’s always miserable, because you run out of things pretty fast, and when you have to explain it to customers, they get really pissed, so you have to deal with that for like 4 hours. So it’s safe to say, you were REALLY excited to go this year.

Your mother had lent you a gorgeous ballgown ,a sparkly silver that’s swished with every moment, your arms were adorned with velvet gloves, and your hair was swooped up in a pristine ponytail/bun (if your hair is short imagine it’s immaculately styled), just everything about you looked so regal, you’re absolutely gorgeous, the moment your fiancé Layed eyes on you he gasped, letting the beauty soak in.

“You ready to go?”

“Yeah… you look amazing”

And when you arrived it was… slightly underwhelming, yeah sure, the aesthetic of the place was gorgeous, crystal chandeliers, golden thrones, ball gowns, just beautiful. But once you get Over the flare of it, you’re just talking to a bunch of old ladies who like your cookies, and it doesn’t help that your fiancé had disappeared, you’d been holding a fruity drink that you couldn’t tell if you liked, and sitting down in the corner of the room, boredly counting the tiles at your feet.

“I NOW ANNOUCE, THE ROYAL FAMILY OF (NAME)” an echoing voice sounded throughout the large ballroom, and everything went silent. Eyes were held directly ont he door, and immediately everyone was bowing down on the flooor, so naturally, you threw yourself on the ground with them, no way in hell you were getting executed for disrespect, as others had in the past. Then the doors opened, and in walked four figures, eyes searching the crowd for a certain someone.

Yes, you. It may come as a suprise, like, what is the ROYAL FAMILY doing looking for a small peasant girl? Well, that comes with a long story. But in short, shinso had seen you when you were nothing but a little girl, crying in the streets as you’d gotten lost and couldnt find your parents, from there he’d just kinda.. watcned you, which got his family interested in who was peaking the interest of their one and only prince, then they met you… little, innocent, you. Just completely oblivious to everything but the bakery, and they love it, they love you. It started out innocent, just checking in every now and then, but then they got obsessed. You don’t belong out there, you’re gonna get hurt! that… that scum doenst deserve to marry you! You can’t marry! Your way to little for that! They’ll just take advantage of you.

The one time where they could finally snatch you up without raising suspicion would be in these balls, in reality, they hated them, it was just a bunch of poor people trying to get on their “good side” to get a handout, or a favor, or a bragging stone. They don’t have a good side though, that’s reserved for you, and you only. But you never came, and each time they cursed your parents for making you work so hard, you’ll never have to lift a finger agiain after this, that’s a promise. But this year you got off, as they sent a personal letter to your parents, telling them they “hoped to see them at the counter tonight”… idiots of course.they had paid a mistress to do some… things to a certain fiancé of yours. So it’s all been planned out, you aren’t leaving the palace tonight.

“Yes, yes. We must thank you all for coming on this fine night, and we hope you enjoy the luxury of our castle, exploration Is allowed, we will ask you all to stay out of any upstairs units, and the west wing, as this is our personal spaces, and that must not be impeded on. With that, have a great night at our annual ball!” King mic announced, his voice carrying through the room, and so everybody (including you) got up from their bowing positions, and you made your way through the bustling crowd to find your future husband, where in the he’ll could get even be?

“God dangit, too many hallways” you muttered under your breath, making your way down the left hallway, trying to find any sight of a human, turns out you wandered pretty far after a little while, you’d made it all the way to the garden. Which was al the way I’m the left side, far, far away from where you originally started. You took a moment to admire the scenery, the flowers, the butterfly’s, the stars, everything.

Wow… it’s amazing, jsut genuindly, amazing. Your favorite flower, lilac, was displayed virtually everywhere, and it smelled, so, so, good, Like someone had just sprayed the most amazing perfumes all around you. You haven’t ever had time to garden before, but now, oh now you’re tottaly gonna try. Then, you started hearing some odd noises, like a woman, was in pain. Kindof muffled yells and screams, like she was hurting, then a loud yell of “fuck yes” echoed through the area, and you were just in confusion. As any person would do in an odd situation, you investigated, inching slowly closer to the glass greenhouse, and peering through the window, the sight was horrible.

There your fiancé was, another girl in his arms, in a very, intimate position, neither of them fully clothed. Then You realized what was happening, and tears formed in your eyes, had he really just given up on you after a few minutes of being away? You just stared at them for another moment, not believing the sight before your eyes, and before you could break out in full blown sobs, you ran away, back through the garden. You loved him, you loved him, you really REALLY loved him, you thought he loved you the same, he’s expressed it in songs and poems before, he’s even said it straight. So, why?

In your running away, you hadn’t realized the tall figure standing there, two of them actually, one significantly smaller than the other. And so, you bumped into one, your dress swayed heavily behind you at the slow stop, and your breath hitched seeing who it was… holy shit you just bumped into the king, and the strict one at that, oh you’re so screwed.

“I-uh- your highness, my apologies” you spluttered out, straightening up and trying to compose yourself , just for one moment. Aizawa almost melted right there, and eri was silently noting how sad you looked. He took a moment to acknowledge your Teary eyes, the small streams of makeup running done your cave, the long rip in your dress, and he connected the dots. He knew you would be upset, he thought he was prepared… he wasn’t, you just look so upset, he’s gonna kill that man, and that woman, who in the hell thinks they can cheat on you?

“What’s a little thing like you doing out here? All alone? Are you alright dear?” He questioned, bending down to meet your height, oh Cmon, how come whenever you just calm yourself down, that someone asks you if you’re okay? You’re obviously not, so why even ask? With that, you broke down, you tried t keep it in, you really did, but then a few whimpers came out, along with a few stray tears, and then the whole waterworks started. A sob left your lips, and you almost fell to the ground, but the tall man was able to catch you before it could happen.

“I’m s-sorry, this is really- I’m sorry, please j-just give me a moment “ you tried to warn, attempting to force the tears to go back into your eyes, you felt humiliated, crying in front of a king? Your mom would just slap you across the face if she heard of it. Before you could protest for a longer time though, Aizawa did nothing but huge you close to his chest, stroking your hair with a surprisingly gentle touch, eri hugged your leg, smiling into your velvety dress.

“It’s quite alright, just let it out, let it all out.” He cooed, he’s just doing his job okay? You’re like.. you’re like his daughter, no.. you ARE his daughter, jsut from a different family, that’s all. It’s a fathers job to comfort their little daughter when she’s crying, or upset, and it’s a big sisters job to make sure their little sis is alright, they’re just doing their jobs! You couldn’t even register what was happening, as, you know, you were fully sobbing because your one true love just cheated on you, and that was all you could really think about.

“Don’t be sad, nobody Should be sad on solstice night! Was someone mean to you! Someone was a meanie weren’t they?”he little greyheaded girl spoke, looking up at you, who is just a bubbling mess, you tried to send her a smile, muttering a “yeah, he really did” under your breaths and sobs, and she could swear that she saw red. It wasn’t like you deserved it! You would never deserve something like this! She barely knew. Anything about marriage, as her parents had shielded her form that idea, but boy did she know it could cause some serious heartbreak, proven by your clear lack of happiness.

She wanted to rip that man apart

No, she would rip that man apart

———

Bu the end of your little crying session, you had come to realize what you’d just done, that was probably a criminal offense, disrespectful behavior towards them, yet not once had they tried to reprimand you for it, instead, the man had held you the whole time, shushing you when your cries got louder, and holding you close. It was almost odd how casual they were about it, they never touched anyon, usually people badge to stay 10 feet away ithout permission, so… why were they so sweet to you?

Literally 3 hours ahd passed, three hours, THREE HOURS, you cried for three hours straight, and they hadn’t stopped you. In fact, the king had picked you up and placed you on a couch in a different room, they had even draped a fluffy blanket over you, and princess eri was sitting with her head in your lap. The ball was long ended when you’d finished, guess heartbreak really does something to you huh? They were… acting odd. Treating you like you were nothing but a small child, like you knew no better, it was weird, you didn’t really like it. They were royals, you could barely process why they were tolerating you, let alone why they were babying you, being sweet to you.

“Do you want some tea befor You go home, i can Have the staff prepare you a little snack if you girls want? “ king hizashi spoke, both him and his son had walked into the lavish living room not too long ago, seeing at the adorable scene of his two daughters cuddled up together, then he saw the puffy doe eyes of yours, and the tear stained cheeks, and it was safe to say, he was gonna commit homicide, someone was gonna die today.

“Mm hmm-daddy! That would be really nice” eri spoke, smiling up at her yellow haired father, he knew the best herbalist in the world, so his tea was by far-the best thing that could ever Grace someone’s lips, fit for a princess, fit for you. It took a few claps, and a few minutes., but eventually, tea had arrived, along with some small tarte like things, that you recognized, as your father had made them earlier in the day.

“I’m really sorry about this your highnesses, thank you all for being so generous and gifting me your time.” You praised, finally calm enough to make full scentences without breaking them. You tried to remember the etiquette book your mother forced you to read, remembering slivers of how to act around the royal family’s of the seven continents. Your comment was brushed off almost immediately, with a humble remark from both shinso and aizawa.

“You shouldn’t be sorry honey, we’re glad that we could help you, you deserve the world, and then some, no tears should be able to ruin that” shinso spoke, sitting down next to you, and picking up one of the gorgeous-probably-worth-more-than-your-life tea cups form the golden platter. Holding it up to your mouth, you realized he was trying to get you to drink soon enough… you could do it yourself you know?

“Just drink up my dear, you lost a lot of liquid while crying, it’s good, I promise.” The black haired king spoke from his chair, tapping his lips to motion for you to actually drink it, he ended up being right, the tea was absolutely great, it wasn’t too hot, but it also wasn’t too cold, and it was also in your favorite flavor, so it was quite nice. You were just confused why they hadn’t cast you out of the palace yet. Almost immediately, a wave of half nausea half tiredness washed over you like a tsunami. Your eyes blurred, your hands felt numb, and your breathing became slightly more shallow.

“Woah. Uhm- sir, I-uh- woah, I feel kinda sick” you spoke, trying to get out the words, you grabbed onto shinsos hand unknowingly for support, what’s happening? The family paid no mind to the sudden sleekness, they did plan this after all, there is a reason eri hasn’t drink any of the tea. They just need you to take a little nap so they can get you properly dressed, and out of That peasants garment.

“Oh it’s alright honey, just sit back and try it stay calm alright? I know you’re feeling sleepy right now, but you can’t freak out or you’ll get hurt” mic spoke, and you bolted into your get, standing up, barefoot, as your heels had been discarded ages ago. Immediately you regretted that decision, as another wave hit you, and your vision started to go fuzzy, like the static of a tv, you fell forward into Aizawa, sinking into his chest, the warmth almost made you fall asleep then and there. What’s happening? What was in that tea.

“Oh-oh, it’s alright, just go to sleep for me, it’ll all be okay baby, we’ll be here when you wake up, that tea made you feel icky didn’t it.” Aizawa stated, letting the static feeling deep through your body, rendering you immobile. He rubbed curcles into your back, whiel the others watched, envious of the contact with you. You let a few more confused tears leave your eyes, on fear, and confusion, and with that, you were out like a light. Al snuggled up in aizawas chest, cuddling close to his warmth, your breaths stayed shallow, and he pulled you even closer. You finally are theirs, they finally got you, you’re with them now, they’re gonna keep you safe and sound. Aizawa kisses your forehead, cradling your head

“Sweet dreams princess”

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Ohohohlhlhlhkhohhoohhoohohoh, this was super fun to write, and I’m pretty sure the anon who keeps calling me “bai” has amazing ideas, every. Single. Time.

Thank your for requesting! It was super fun to write and I really liked it!

Have a wonderful day today! Goodbye anon!

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

I was spinning the TFO Characters around in my head and this happened. I am an enjoyer of "TFO Bee is older than OP and Elita and D" so I went a little nutso about it. I really hope this makes an ounce of sense bc this was very stream of conscious.

Optimus is digging though some ex-miners data files. Partially to ensure everything is updated but mostly to see if Sentinel did anything else to them... aaaaaand OP just wants to snoop a bit; sue him. "Huh, I wonder if I can find B's file," OP thought. And he could, because he dug through nearly every cabinet twice before he found it. Bee must have pissed Sentinel off something fierce bc he buried his file in with the old bot's so no one could find it. Surrounded by haphazard piles of data pads, Optimus gets comfy and starts snooping.

Bee has a very long list of infractions: 30 counts of talking back to superiors (D would hate him for that), 158 counts of ignoring protocol (Elita would have his head on a pike), 29 counts of breaking and entering (A bot after OP's own spark), 8 counts of theft (damn), 2 counts of arson (Damn), 4 counts for participating in a riot (DAmn), 2 counts of assaulting a superior (DAMN), 1 count for conspiracy against the government (HUH?), 1 count for bot-slaughter ((⊙_⊙)). How did OP not hear about any of this, this sounds like something every miner would know about? A miner assaulting a superior? The rumour mill would have had a field day with that alone. OP moves on to Bee's assignments, maybe there's a reason this news never got to OP's mining sector. Damn, that's a lot of sectors: 3, 7, 10, 11, 14, 19, 23, 26, 27, 30, 35- wait, that was OP's sector, when was Bee there? OP doesn't remember any yellow bots running around committing arson? Field medic, tool repair, tool fabrication, Prototype jetpack testing- Testing? Those things were older than OP; why would Bee be testing them? It doesn't even mention his assignment to sub level 50!! The questions continue to gather as OP reads on, confusing him more and more.

Elita interrupts his confused scrolling by walking into the room to tell OP something. OP ignores her words and franticly shoves Bee's file in her face. Elita is older than OP (Not by much), maybe she knows something about Bee. She doesn't, and now both of them are confused. Was there another guy named B-127 in the past? Was current Bee a clone? Wtf is going on?? The two of them begin going down a rabbit hole. They dig through every wayward file they can find. They get so desperate that, during a skirmish with the Decepticons, they ask Megatron if he knows anything. They get a data pad with Bee's info and glue a magnet to the back. During the fight, OP gets into a one on one with Meggy and slaps the datapad onto his back before the cons retreat. Yes this is the dumbest thing they've ever done, hopefully Meg doesn't ignore them. Also what did you want to tell me before, I completely forgot to ask-

Megatron is ignoring the datapad that OP stuck to his back. It's been stuck to the wall of his room since he threw it there. He glares at it a lot. Eventually, he gets curious and reads it, maybe OP apologized for being a backstabbing bitch. He did not; it's a copy of B-127's personal file with a lot of question marks and circles drawn on everything. Meg gives it a read, curious about his frie-EX Friend. He's taken aback by how long the infraction list is (conspiracy against the government? Bot-Slaughter? Sounds like Meg's kinda bot) and how extensive OP's notes are. He taps at the screen a few times before turning the pad off and stowing it in his subspace.

During their next fight, Megatron returns the data pad by shoving the magnet against Optimus's face.

After returning, Optimus turns on the data pad. There are three things added by Megatron. 1: A circle around a line of fine print at the end of the Assignments tab, "Permanently reassigned to Waste Management on Sub-level 50." Optimus's own frantic writing is just above it "SUB-LEVEL 50????" (that is the smuggest circle known to Cybertron). 2: A sentence next to Bee's medical records "What is his listed Spark Date?" and 3: A sentence at the top of the first page, "Have you asked B-127 about this?"

OP and Elita did not ask Bee about any of this. The thought never crossed their minds. Bee even helped them sort through old data pads! They feel incredibly stupid. Elita is too proud to go and ask so OP slips it into his and Bee's next one-on-one convo.

OP: Hey Bee, I found your data file in the Miner records.

B: Oh cool! Let me see, I want to see what's on it.

OP: *gives data pad*

B: Oh wow, this thing is long. They really wrote down everything- Oh, I've got a funny story about sector 23, there was this bot I knew, cool guy you would like him, and he had this thing-

OP: Actually, Bee... can I ask you a few questions? About your file?

B: Shoot, big guy.

OP: ...Arson? Assault? Conspiracy?

B: What about that?

OP: They're in your file, it says you've done them.

B: Oh yeah, no, I've done them. I mean, who hasn't? Wait, is it bad that I've worked against the government now that I'm a government employee?

OP: So you've actually done all this??

B: Yeah, why? I thought you guys knew this stuff.

OP: What?

Bee then explains how he was apart of a rebel organization that wanted better lives for the cogless. He had joined pretty early on and was pretty good at talking loud enough without a loudspeaker that he became the face of the org. Things were going pretty well; bots were listening, and changes were getting implemented, all that good stuff. Sure there were a few riots but you can't make a space omelette without breaking a few space eggs (tf is a space egg...). Eventually, Sentinel got sick of them so he ordered them to be rounded up and thrown in jail. Bee was the first to get caught, but he didn't snitch on the rest of his group, so he was sent down to Sub-level 50. Never heard what happened to everyone else after that.

Optimus hears all this and immediately drags Bee to the file room to find more info. It takes a hot minute but they find the record of the org Bee was a part of. It got dissolved before OP was sparked. Flabbergasted, OP asks Bee when he got sparked.

B: *Holding pad with poster of Bee's face* Oh, this brings back memories. I actually knew the bot who made these. I wonder if she's still doing these...

OP: Bee, how old are you, exactly. When did you get sparked?

B: uhhh, let me get back to you on that one.

OP: Bee, you got put in Sub-level 50 before I was born, how old are you?

B: I'm gonna be real, I do not know how long I was down there. Time kinda blurs after a while. Ho-How old are you?

OP: 16 cycles.

B: I was down there for over 16 cycles?? Primus below, is anyone still alive? Oh, right, age. uuuuuuhhhh, 48? Cycles? I think? Around there. Hey, did you see any files for a bot named Knockout? I would like to see it for no personal reasons whatsoever-

OP: Bee you were sparked right after the primes died wtF-

Chaos ensues. OP comms Elita and she immediately stops whatever she was doing to join the two in the file room. OP is freaking out bc he thought Bee was around his age, what do you mean you're actually double my age. You should be running the government, not me, I'M A BABY COMPARED TO YOU. Elita is pacing around trying to make sense of Bee's past, what do you mean you were the face of an organization, what do you mean you successfully implemented the miners right to clean energon, what do yoU MEAN. Bee is ignoring both of them and franticly looking for his friends' files, hoping at least a few of them are still alive. Or just one, specifically a red one that was a field medic oh please let him still be around at least-

Eventually everyone calms down and they talk about it. Optimus and Elita get to learn about the other time the miners tried to rise up and get better treatment. Gotta love a impromptu history lesson. Bee's best guess as to why the org was wiped from history was bc Sentinel didn't want any other miners getting any ideas and doing it again. They figure out Bee was actually down in Sub-level 50 for about 20 cycles, give or take, which spurs an actual search for anyone he knew before (B: pls pls pls pls pls living bf pls pls pls pls). Primus must have been smiling up at them because they do find several bots Bee knew from before. Good time is had all around. Reunions and meet ups, parties and get togethers, everything a bunch of old bots do after not seeing each other for a long time. They get to reminisce on all the old crimes they committed together (OP and E1 are v concerned bc is this normal? Are we going to turn into this?) They have a lot of shit to catch up on and everything is pretty great actually.

During their next fight, Megatron gets another data pad stuck onto his back. When he turns it on, the only thing on it is a selfie Bee took at his Spark day party, with the "Happy 49th Spark Day!" sign in the background. The photo's caption says, "(Yes, It's correct) Miss you lots! Hope you're less of an angry glitch the next time I see you!"

If anyone wants to take this idea and do it better, please do, I am not very good at this. Proper formatting is not my specialty.

[sergle]

I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen 💕 hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon

[sparkletastic-cookiedough]

New fave ship discovered, reading fanfic now.

I think that the Hadestown depiction of Hades is very interesting, and one that doesn’t completely treat him as a villain. Hades and Orpheus are foils to each other, and are directly compared. They’re both desperately in love with women who want what they don’t have. They both have issues with trusting others- Orpheus more so by the end of the musical than at the beginning.

Hadestown is truly a brilliant piece of media, and I like to imagine that Percy Jackson! Dionysus really vibes with Persephone from that show.

Apollo gets distracted watching the band and loses focus on the plot. He ends up performing some of the songs at Camp Half Blood, dragging by Hermes into playing his part.

Hermes loves it at first. Then his kids discover the musical and start sending the actor mail. Some poor Broadway actor now has a dozen children calling him dad as a prank? And Apollo keeps expecting him to perform musical numbers with him.

Zeus is offended he’s not in it at all. He’s king of the gods, he deserves a shout out at least!

Demeter is also offended. Excuse you, Persephone is her daughter, and she wasn’t even mentioned? Dionysus has to hold her back from cursing the actors.

Hera feels fairly neutral about it. She sometimes sings the songs when she’s mad at Zeus.

Poseidon is glad his son likes the show, but wishes it was about him. It would be a bonding moment for him and his son!

Athena enjoys the layers of complex metaphors. She’s having a civilized conversation with Dionysus on the meaning of life. Praise be to the artists!

Aphrodite adores it! The romance, the drama! It’s amazing. She drags Hephaestus and Ares out to see it.

Ares is disappointed. Not enough violence.

Aphrodite asks Hephaestus what he thought of the show, and Hephaestus proceeded to talk about lighting and sound technology for two hours.

Artemis is neutral about it, but takes her huntresses to see the musical. A few become big fans, and write up some alternate lyrics to sing the tunes to. She’s happy they’re happy.

Watched Hadestown. Had some Hadercy thoughts.

“That's fucked up,” Percy murmured as the last note of the Hey, Little Songbird trailed off.

A scoff came from his side, and a deep voice replied, “Well, it's Hades, isn't it?”

And that was just it.

It wasn't Hades. Not the Hades Percy knew. It is the Hades everybody believed him to be; cruel and cold, unfeeling and malicious. It was the Hades Camp Half-blood tried to turn him against; the one Chiron was adamant to be the one behind the stolen lightning bolt. The one nobody trusted in.

Not the one Percy got to know.

“No,” he whispered, eyes never leaving the stage. It was a captivating play - he’d never really been to theater before -, and the story was something he love-hated. Still, it made him so mad to see Hades portrayed like this.

“No?” Asked the person sitting next to him in a surprised tone. Percy didn't reply - it would have been rude. The play was still going on, after all.

-

The intermission came as a surprise. He was captivated; the songs were beautiful, the music something he didn't really experience before. Everybody had been so quick to dismiss his interest in the show, thinking that theater was too good for him, but if all musicals were like that, he wouldn't mind visiting other plays as well. It was not the best going to places alone, but maybe he could take Estelle with him, sometimes. She would probably love it - and she deserved a better childhood than his was.

“Well, Little Songbird, what did you mean by no?” His neighbor’s words brought him back from his thoughts. He blinked, looking back to the person next to him, and.

Well.

Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't stupid. Oblivious, maybe. Scattered brained, definitely - he had ADHD for fuck's sake. But stupid? No.

So, when he saw the gorgeous guy next to him, he knew that it was a god. Not because he was unfairly handsome, but because gods who tried to blend in humans tended to still stand out - in Percy's opinion at least. He didn't know who he was, but that guy was definitely a god. And a god, who tried to trash talk about Hades in front of Percy.

He narrowed his eyes, and said, “What? Do you have problems with understanding a simple word? It means that I disagreed with your statement. I understand that it might come as a surprise, but keep up.”

The god looked surprised, then laughed. It was a good look on him, Percy noted distantly.

“Little Songbird got a sharp tongue, I see. So, if you are so opinionated, what’s your opinion on Hades?” asked with a calculating look.

Percy had no trouble with putting gods in their places. So, he started, “Well, first of all, he is portrayed as a villain everywhere. But like, for what the fuck? He is the Lord of the Underworld, not Death. He does not decide who dies and who lives, he just rules over them. And I would also be pissed off if my realm would be overcrowded. He did not kidnap Persephone without consent. He is not cruel, not compared to basically any other god. And-”

Before he could finish his tirade, he was pulled out of his chair, onto the lap of the god. Who was-

Oh, of course. He wasn't even surprised.

“If you don't want me to kiss you, tell me. Otherwise, you will experience what it is to be kidnapped with consent at first hand.”

“Not before the end of the play,” Percy huffed, pulling away from the tempting embrace. He wanted to enjoy his first time at the theater at its fullest, damnit!

A pause, then, “After the play, then.”

It sounded like a threat.

For Percy, it was a promise.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The TTPD Deep Dive (Part ?)

It’s no secret that I have a lot of Thoughts about The Tortured Poets Department and it has lived rent-free in my head since it came out earlier this year. I’m absolutely blown away by how underneath the chaos, it’s actually an exceptionally cohesive story and is probably the closest to a concept album Taylor has ever done.

There are so many themes that have stood out to me over the last five months, and there’s one in particular that I think not only drives the entire album, but ties into previous albums to help deepen understanding of it.

This is it, my fangirl magnum opus, my months of posts consolidated into one place. This is also my disclaimer that this is just my interpretation of the album, and my summary of the story it tells, and I don’t pretend to have any special insight or authority. I’m not saying I’m correct at all, do not take any of this as fact, it’s just what it sounds like to me, and these are my silly not-so-little thoughts about it.

(Under a cut because it’s way too long and involves discussion many may not care for or be sick of.)

Come one, come all, it's happening again (I'm thinking too hard about Taylor music)

The overarching theme in TTPD to me is: Grief. If you’re looking at TTPD as a story being told (instead of just as someone’s real life), the inciting incident of TTPD is loss, and the grief from that loss is what drives the narrator’s actions and the fallout, as well as unpacks those complicated feelings and how they apply to the her life in general. By the end of the standard album, it’s also about recovering from that pain, moving on from it and learning from it.

The loss specifically is the loss of the dream of having a family (with one’s partner). One thing that is abundantly clear both on the top line and under the surface in TTPD is how Taylor (as a person and as narrator) longed not only to for marriage but specifically parenthood, and the fear and then realization of losing that chance absolutely wrecked her— which is why the next lover’s (the conman's) wooing worked so well, because it preyed on that yearning. Yet that loss also dovetails into the grief of many things: of youth, of idealism, of relationships, of ideas, even of self, which causes almost a deconstruction of a belief system to piece one’s life back together by the end.

THE CONTEXT

TTPD weaves in the topics of marriage and motherhood both explicitly and in the subtext, in various forms and scenarios. The cheating husband in “Fortnight.” The wedding ring line in “TTPD” the song. “He saw forever so he smashed it up” in “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.” All of “So Long, London.” Running away with her wild boy in “But Daddy I Love Him,” fantasizing about weddings and joking about babies. The imaginary rings in “Fresh Out The Slammer.” The cheating husband (again) and the friends who smell like weed or “little babies” in “Florida!!!” “You and I go from one kiss to getting married,” “Talking rings and talking cradles,” and “our field of dreams engulfed in fire” in “loml.” (And arguably: “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all.”) “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short,” in “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart.” They may not sound like much on their own, but they paint a picture about how the topics pervaded her thoughts and her writing, and in many cases express her desires, and her pain.

It’s something that goes back several albums when you pick up on context clues. You get the first hints on Reputation with “New Year’s Day,” and “you and me forevermore.” Then Lover is very forward with it: “Lover” is basically wedding vows, “Paper Rings” is very engagement-coded, “I Think He Knows” is cheeky but low-key “you better put a ring on it,” “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” has wedding/marriage imagery in the last verse. As a self-professed diaristic writer, it’s the type of stuff one presumably doesn’t put out there unless those conversations have already happened, and she was very excited about it at the time it was released.

Then the pandemic happens and folklore comes out, and while there is still happy love there (“invisible string”), there are also the first indications that something has happened to put a halt to whatever future she once dreamed of (“hoax,” “the lakes”) and that she’s trying to reassure herself and him that it can still happen even if she’s scared it might not (“peace”). Notably, as far as I can remember it’s the first time Taylor explicitly brings up the idea of family (with her partner) with “you know that I’d give you my wild, give you a child,” which stood out at the time because it’s so incredibly vulnerable, but it’s even more poignant when you really take in that the whole song is like a confession of her deepest worries, and this is her vowing to give him these things that she holds most sacred if he’ll let her. These are what she cherishes most dearly and wants to return in kind: her youth and commitment (my wild), the family she craves (a child), unconditional support (swing for the fences/sit in the trenches) and understanding/compassion (silence that only comes when two people know each other).

Evermore follows an even darker path, and suddenly the album explores relationships that end and grappling with loss. There are toxic relationships (“tolerate it”), dangerous marriages (“no body, no crime,” “ivy”), failing/broken relationships (“Coney Island,” “champagne problems,” “happiness,” “‘tis the damn season”), as well as grief (“Marjorie,” “evermore”). Even some of the happy songs have uncertainty in them: in “willow” she’s begging for him to take her lead, like she’s still trying to decipher him and ask him to commit; in “cowboy like me,” still a beautiful love song, she’s thinking, “this wasn’t supposed to work and we were supposed to bail on each other but we fell in love instead”; “evermore” is about the depths of severe depression (and more) with the love story being the one saving grace in her darkest hour. And it’s also notable that after all the “fiction” writing, shortly after this album she writes “Renegade” where she’s telling the subject: I’m ready to start the next phase of our life now, why aren’t you? Is it me you don’t want after all? It’s like there’s something telling her that this stall might not just be a stall.

Midnights is a jumble (in a good, but in hindsight, also sad way) with the “sleepless nights” concept, but it seems pretty clear now that the themes and events and relationships she was revisiting tied into a lot of what she was feeling in her present life. I wrote the cliff notes version awhile back, but she’s questioning so much of her life that’s reflected in past events and relationships. Am I actually always the problem? How did we lose sight of each other and what we had? We only seem to work when we block out everyone and everything else. Can we ever go back to when things were good? Why are you neglecting me? I once thought I was going to lose everything but you saved me in the nick of time, can that happen again? I chased my career, but did I give up my chance at having a family in the process? Nobody knows what I really suffer from behind closed doors and I’m all alone.

And so on, which in retrospect now that we have TTPD, is very much what she was grappling with in private while writing and releasing the album. The inspiration behind the songs may have been different events and muses, but regardless of their origins they all end up feeling too familiar, like she's seen this film before (ahem). We’re seeing her view of commitment change too, or rather how she writes about it: she’s not making the outright declarations of it like on Lover, or even the implied ones on folklore, nor is she talking of the dark side of it like evermore. For the most part it’s a return to the early days of some relationships, before things got hard, or the end of them when there was nothing left, and also pushing away the discussion of it altogether by the outside world. “Sweet Nothing” is a sweet slice of life, but even at that, it’s the peace of the home in conflict with the pressure of the outside world. Now that we have “You’re Losing Me,” which was written at the same time as the rest of the album, we can probably deduce that she was going back to the start because something happened that made her doubt the future.

THE SETUP

So much of Midnights directly ties into TTPD, and I said in the post I linked that it’s like Midnights is asking the questions that TTPD answers. But there’s one song in particular on Midnights that sticks out to me as being key in the broadest sense to understanding the state of mind that led to the events of TTPD, and that’s “Bigger Than The Whole Sky,” because the way it expresses grief is reflected in the theme of mourning a life built and the dreams along with it that are never realized in TTPD. There are several instances in TTPD that are basically variations of: “every single thing to come has turned into ashes,” and that’s what makes her snap, and leaves her vulnerable to someone who promises her those things when she’s bereaved at losing them in the first place. (In other words: “the deflation of our dreaming leaving me bereft and reeling.”) The song tells a story about how that loss of hope colours one’s entire mindset, and in some ways is a bridge to TTPD to understand what such a low point feels like.

I think that that grief, and most importantly losing hope for an imagined future in its wake, is fundamental to understanding TTPD on so many levels: both the decline with one partner that kept her hanging on then led her such a dark path, and why she fell for the conman's apparent bullshitting because it offered an express pass to what she was losing with her partner. And I also feel like it plays a part into the ruminating she’s doing all over Midnights, trying to make sense of where she finds herself when she’s writing the album, which directly leads to “You’re Losing Me.” Loss permeates so many of the stories on Midnights: of lovers, of innocence, of youth, of faith, of control, of life’s work, etc. “BTTWS” is just one of the ways in which it is expressed so fully, capturing that deep depression and subsequent extinction of faith in something that once felt assured and very much wanted. (Which is also mentioned in her writing process in the “Depression” playlist on Apple Music.)

If you understand why that feeling of loss in general across so many parts of life is so important to Midnights, then it illuminates so much about the “narrative” in TTPD too. If on Midnights she’s wrestling with the seeds of grief and loss (on multiple fronts), TTPD is her reckoning with it in its full form. “So Long, London” is the song that is the most explicit about it: How much sad did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I’d go before I’d have to go be free? You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof. It’s the sequel to “You’re Losing Me.” It’s, the air is thick with loss and indecision, I know my pain is such an imposition, I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, I’ve got nothing left to believe unless you’re choosing me, my heart won’t start anymore, but from the other side of the break.

This is highly speculative, but if you follow the thread about the topic and the relationship as told from Rep through TTPD, in broad strokes it goes: young love with a serious connection (Rep) -> growing up and making life plans (Lover) -> something happens that delays those plans or makes them grind to a halt (folklore) -> serious doubts arise and cause a loss of faith in their future (evermore) -> struggling with the loss of that future and trying to make sense of the problems in a last ditch attempt to save the relationship (Midnights) -> fallout from that grief after the blowup of the relationship (TTPD). Understanding that progression of events (through the music) explains not only the storytelling side of TTPD (e.g. the jump from the partner to the conman) but also how the experiences/muses blend in the music, and how the music that on the surface is about the short-term relationship is really driven by the destruction of the long-term one.

Following the music, it’s IMO implied that Taylor (the narrator) was holding out for marriage and family with her partner, for years, and it seems like it was at one point a shared dream until something happened to pump the brakes, and seemingly on her partner’s end. And extrapolating further, given how the sorrow expressed in former albums bleeds into TTPD, it sounds like a plan that had been concrete in some form before it had fallen apart, and losing something that once felt so tangible is what drives her in her grief to find any kind of respite from the pain. Which is why the situation with the conman becomes so appealing as the one with the partner splinters further and further.

(If everything you’ve once touched is sick with sadness and you don’t want to be sad anymore, what are you left to do?)

THE STORY

So (one part of) the story kind of sounds like this from the standard album: the relationship with her partner as well as his mental health slowly deteriorate and he withdraws emotionally (“London,” “Fresh Out The Slammer”) and physically (again, “London,” and “Guilty As Sin?”) and takes his resentment out on her (“London” and arguably “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” even though I don't want to get into muse speculation here). As she sinks deeper into her own depression as a result, the weight of the failing relationship starts feeling like a cage— or a noose (“London,” “Guilty”), but coming to terms with the loss of their life together and the future they’d dreamed of was killing her (again, “London,” but also “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart”).

Enter the conman who she reconnects with at the very point where this is coming to a head (knowing that IRL she reconnected with him around the time Midnights was being worked on) , and if you read between the lines, she confides some deeply personal things to him (“Down Bad” and “hostile takes overs”/“encounters closer and closer,” “Smallest Man” and the entire sleeper cell spy imagery which is one of my favourite things and I could write a whole essay about the meaning of it, “loml” and “A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme”). Then after she’s confided these secrets to him, he insinuates himself back into her life (“Guilty,” “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man”) and sells her a dream that HE can give her all these things she hopes for (again, “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man,” “loml,” song “TTPD,” “Broken Heart”).

But the thing is, he only knows these are the things she wants because she’s revealed it to him, and presumably, told him that was what she was losing by staying with her partner. And instead of the normal response of, “that is really sad that your partner is not supporting you and you deserve to be treated better,” to a friend in growing distress, it seems like it was, “well I can give you all those things!!!! Right now!!!! Trust me!!!!” And worked on her until she believed it, and jumped at the chance at a precarious time in her life. And one thing I want to underscore is: Taylor has agency in the situation always, it’s not like she’s been kidnapped and brainwashed. (In fact, she implores on songs like “But Daddy” that SHE is in charge of her own choices, good or bad.) She chose to rekindle the friendship and then relationship, and she chose to eventually leave her long term relationship for another man, and she reiterates on the album that she owns this all. But it’s also: nothing exists in a vacuum, and she makes choices based on emotions and information she has at the time, which is why it gives so much whiplash.

THE ALBUM

When you look at it as, the situation with the conman only happens because of what happened with the partner first and that the appeal of the conman and the fantasy he sells her is a direct reaction to that, it makes the “swirliness” of the music make so much more sense. And for much of it, even many of the “conman” songs on the surface are really “partner” songs underneath.

Fortnight

A suburban gothic allegory about a broken marriage with a distant husband with a wandering eye, which makes the rekindled romance with the neighbor so appealing. She’s miserable caged in her stifling house because she’s been abandoned by her spouse, so the reappearance of this past love reignites the passion that’s dead at home.

TTPD

“So tell me, who else is gonna know me?” “I chose this cyclone with you.” I’m gonna kill myself if you ever leave. Everyone knows we’re crazy. She’s laying it out there that she’s already in a dangerous state of mind, and she’s actively putting herself in more danger by pursuing the conman. “At dinner you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on, and that’s the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding,” spells this whole thing out so clearly: whether it’s an actual event (likely) or a metaphor for the promise he makes to her, the reason why it makes her heart explode is because it’s the thing she’s been waiting for forever with no movement, and here this person comes in and slips it on her finger in an instant like it’s nothing. (And eventually, as we’ll come to know, it is absolutely nothing to him.) You mean it could have been this easy this whole time?! (Well, no. Not until a certain other suitor makes his appearance later.) It feels like she’s finally getting everything she wanted in the blink of an eye! How lucky! How convenient! What was that about the get-love-quick scheme you say? (Unsaid: the reason why this feels so urgent is because there’s a sense that time is running out in so many aspects of her life and not just the obvious. Which reappears later on.)

Down Bad

“Did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” sets the scene for this euphoric experience in the moment that starts to feel violating once the dust settles (which is then followed up in “Smallest Man” and the spy mission on her). The bridge spells out how he weaselled his way into her life, preyed upon (intentionally or not) her emotional state, sold her a dream and then vanished, without the benefit of hindsight yet we see later in the album.

The alien abduction metaphor is pretty brilliant, because it shows both how she was desperate to escape the place she found herself in, and how much it screwed her brain to then be left stranded when the affair was over. “[I loved your] hostile takeovers, encounters closer and closer,” is so evocative because it details how the situation came to be: his overtures under the guise of friendship blurred lines until he made her an offer that she eventually couldn’t refuse (hostile takeovers) as he infiltrated her life more and more intimately. The sad thing is that the song has parallels to how her relationship with the partner started too in earlier albums, in that they ran away to live in their own bubble (or planet) only for him to metaphorically abandon her as the years went on. (Oven, meet microwave.)

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Being continually emotionally broken down by a person who knows he’s hurting you but still acts the way he does. (The original voice memo version makes this even clearer and it’s rather heartbreaking.) “He saw forever so he smashed it up,” speaks to the loss of a future the person became scared of, and the original lyrics (“he saw forever so he blew it up”) somehow cut even deeper to me because it feels so much more intentional.

Also in the original version, “he was my best friend and that was the worst part,” also speaks not only to the loss of an entire partnership in the wake of this hurt, but also to the feelings of betrayal that the person you trust so deeply has the ability to hurt you in this way too, and how it’s a one-two punch of not only losing the relationship but also your closest confidant. (It’s like the sequel to “Renegade” and the missiles firing to me.) Again, there are shades of both/many situations in the song, pointing to an unfortunate pattern in some ways. The situation in “My Boy” is part of why she was so low, and why the “get love quick scheme” was so appealing later on. And it dovetails nicely into…

So Long, London

The most explicitly “partner” song that puts a coda on “You’re Losing Me,” and is Track 5 because it’s the emotional underpinning of how she got to where she was, and drives the events of the rest of the album. It spells everything out: He withdrew, she tried to fix it for both of them, eventually even that stopped working, he was oblivious to or minimized how badly she was suffering and his (in)actions couldn’t reassure her, he wouldn’t move forward on their future plans and stewed in his own struggles, she was spiralling out of control trying to hang on and ultimately felt like she was going to die if she didn’t leave.

But Daddy I Love Him

Like a direct reaction to “So Long, London” in that she breaks free from the death of one relationship and throws herself with reckless abandon to the next, fuck the haters. How dare you judge me, when the relationship you think I should have stayed in was killing me? (Dutiful daughter all the plans were laid. All you want is gray for me.) Fuck all of you, I’m going to choose whoever I want! (So what if I have a baby with HIM, huh?! I tried doing it the proper way and look where that got me so now we're back to square one) It’s again her imagining how wonderful and freeing this “wild boy” is going to be for her, and how wrong she’ll prove everyone. THIS TIME she definitely got it right. So what if she has to run away! So what if she scandalizes the whole town! They don’t know what she really wants or needs anyway! She’s the only one of her (hee-hee-hee) and she’s the only who gets to decides how this goes. (Because: she longs for control in a situation she’ll eventually realize she has little of it in, which we’ll find out is a recurring theme in her life.)

Fresh Out The Slammer

Also spells out what happened with the partner in the first verse and the pre-choruses, which is what makes the conman so appealing as the imagined jailbreak. The bitter loneliness vs. the sultry passion she builds up in her head as she awaits her release from prison is key to understanding the two sides of the story in the album. There’s this whole outlaw imagery (which is also carried through in “I Can Fix Him”), but it’s contrasted in the end with her and her reunited lover sitting on park swings like children with “imaginary rings” — because “Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake.” What’s at stake is lasting love and the promises that come with it (marriage/family) that are precious and time-sensitive. The imaginary rings are both a nod to the youthful dreams of her and her new/old lover, but also has a double meaning to me because those promises aren’t built on anything together; they're made up, intangible. (They’re no more concrete than the plans that went up in smoke with the partner.) Like with most of the conman situation, it’s all a fantasy in her head that has yet to happen, and as we find out later in the album, reality ends up leaving much to be desired.

Florida!!!

Broadly speaking, it’s running away from your problems and wanting to disappear from your life. (But again: the life she’s disappearing from is the cheating husband she may or may not be feeding to the swamp-- another miserable marriage.) What kind of flies under the radar though is the “I don’t want to exist,” line, which points to her dire state of mind that led her to fleeing to that metaphorical timeshare down in Destin. In many ways about cheating death.

Guilty As Sin

Yes it’s the “masturbation song,” but again the nuance is that she’s left to pleasure herself because her partner has abandoned her emotionally and even physically, i.e. “my boredom’s bone deep.” To be blunt: they aren’t even intimate anymore, so she starts fantasizing about the guy she used to have chemistry with who’s reentered her life and is making moves on her. And realizing that she’s now finding release in another man (albeit imaginary) breaks her even as it reinvigorates her because she finally understands that the relationship she’s in is effectively dead. (“Am I allowed to cry?”)

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

This isn’t about relationships, but about society and its reaction to them in a general sense. But again, she’s left to stew in all this anger and hurt as she’s been abandoned at home, then abandoned by public opinion, and the public attack on her is part of the origin as well as the end of that story. The trauma inflicted upon her detailed in the song is the reason why she felt trapped in the first place, which led to the decisions she’s made and habits she’s leaned on ever since.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

This is one of the few songs that is the most completely conman-coded, and shows when the delusion finally breaks at the end of the song. She spends the whole song being like, “no really, I alone can make him better! You’ll see! I know he’s gross, but he’s mine! It’ll be fine I swear! You don’t know anything! Uuuuuum hmm wait actually what the fuck—“

Loml

Oof. THE song. Again the surface reading is about the “conman” who comes in and sells her the lie, but the pain is because all the dreams she writes about are HER dreams and implied that they were the dreams she built with her partner that the conman sold back to her. I could do a deeper dive on this but most of the song is applicable to both relationships, which not only shows the “swirliness” of her writing, but also how they both ultimately did the same thing to her in different shades.

The bridge and the last chorus are kind of fundamental to understanding it all, and her ending it with “you’re the loss of my life” is about, among other things, how falling for this trap blew up the life she built and dreamed of for good. (I could talk about this one forever.) “You shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles” to “Our field of dreams engulfed in fire” is a hell of a line and progression, and again, indicative of what the real driving force behind the whole album is. The shit-talking is because he took her dreams (of marriage and children) and hyped it back up to her tenfold whether in a moment of his own delusion or for more nefarious reasons — much like how the man prior kept promising these things but never followed through, which left her vulnerable to someone who appeared to offer them enthusiastically. The field of dreams isn’t just the one with the conman, it’s the one with the longterm relationship she’d built the dream with in the first place, because the conman’s actions are part of the reason the LTR went up in smoke. (Not the reason for the rift, but the consequence of the final break.) And THAT is why it’s the loss of her life, so completely.

When she says “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all,” IMO it’s not just the fake future that the conman lures her into, but also (and perhaps mainly) the once-real one she had with her partner and the loss of which that made her susceptible to falling for the con in the first place. There’s honestly so much between the lines in this song that covers every theme and speaks to the grief of seeing the life she imagined slip away, slowly by the first man then annihilated by the second.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

The juxtaposition of “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short” and “He said he’d love me for all time, but that time was quite short” sums it up to me (and parallels “loml”), because they are two different situations, but they cut her just the same. In the first, “that life” IMO was the life they’d built with the dreams that went along with it and it was too short because he never followed through, and in the second, the “time” was quite short because it was the frenzy of the whirlwind romance that fizzled as quickly as it began. The life that was too short led to the time that was quite short.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

This is definitely THE conman song. The rage, the shame, the violation, it’s all in there. But the key to it is the bridge and the espionage imagery woven through it. A honeypot scheme is when spies target a mark and seduce them to gain their trust and their privileged information for their homeland. So her likening him to a sleeper cell spy who set her up just to mine her deepest secrets and use them against her is a heavy, loaded statement. And implied: that valuable information she unknowingly held were her longings of marriage and family (the aforementioned shit-talking about rings and cradles she never got to have), and more importantly, those dreams preceded him reentering her life and then beginning his mission on her.

The insinuation then is: she confesses these are her deepest wishes which are now seemingly unattainable in her current situation (e.g. with her partner) -> he convinces her HE will give them to her and make the dreams she pines for come true -> she falls for him and blows up her life to make it happen -> he gets what he wants (thrill of the chase/sex/the idea of her/whatever his intent was) -> he abandons her when he gets what he wants, or rather it isn’t what he wants or can handle -> she’s left a) all alone b) with dreams unfulfilled c) with no answers d) feeling used at having her most sacred wishes used against her.

Again, the song is unquestionably about the way the conman absolutely destroyed her, but he was able to do that because there was this thing she wanted more than anything, that was dying in her previous relationship, that he was able to prey upon to seduce her, then discarded her and her dreams as soon as it was inconvenient for him while absolutely hollowing her inside out. (And again: the devastating thing is that this also applies to other relationships she’s written about, in different ways.)

The Alchemy

Not about either the partner or the conman directly, but it (loosely) touches on her finding herself after the whole oven-to-microwave experience and opening herself up to life and love again. #GoodForHer

Clara Bow

This isn’t about the romantic relationships on the surface, but it is about how damaging the entertainment industry and public life are on women, and how women are only valued for their beauty as commodities until they can be discarded and destroyed in the process. Which I think plays into the circumstances that led her to make the decisions that she did years ago, and why she makes the ones she does now. (But also, being valued for physical traits and appeal for the male gaze brings us to…)

The Manuscript

The “original sin” that kicks off all of this. Again, at first light this isn’t about the partner or the conman, but the person it is about is the reason why she has made all the decisions she has ever since in relationships (and that’s Mr. Plaid Shirt Days from “All Too Well”). The realization that her first serious adult relationship is what cemented these patterns, and this view of herself and her worthiness in relationships, is profoundly sad. An older man who valued her for being so mature for her age and implying that the mature activities ahem associated with that were the performance benchmarks in her ability to carry a relationship, only to leave her, was earth shattering. She placed her faith in this person, but then the way he treated her changed her view of love and of herself.

She took his innuendo about “pushing strollers” as a sign of potential commitment, whereas he ultimately meant it as foreplay, and she was too young and naive to know the difference. So not only did she learn from that that this man (and men) didn’t view commitment and family the way she did and that it was something to be toyed with, but she also learned that her value to them among other things was sex. Imagine being an idealistic 20 year old and your boyfriend ten years your senior tells you, “if the sex is anywhere near as good as our dates have been, we’re going to be making babies before you know it,” (e.g. this is relationship is serious) and then he dumps you: does that imply that the sex was not in fact that good? (E.g. that you’re not worthy after all?)

No, obviously from this side of life, it’s because he was a commitment-phobic playboy, even if he did love her, but she couldn’t have known that at 20 and instead internalized that shame. But, it did send her on a path of how she approached sex and love and relationships for over a decade afterwards. And her coming to the realization that that first act of (perhaps unintentional) manipulation is what informed her actions thereafter helped her break the pattern. Her worth to men is not just sex, she has value and her hopes and dreams have value, she doesn’t have to change into a different person to please anyone, because if that is what they want, they won’t ever want her anyway.

It’s been described here on Tumblr by people more eloquent and astute than I as a song that encapsulates the album as this: one did it slow (partner), one did it fast (conman), and one did it first (first love)— and that is haunting. After years of men minimizing her dreams and desires, if not outright using them against her, she’s finally at the point where she can let it all go and move on for good. (There’s a whole other tangent about consent and shame and manipulation, but that’s an entirely different kind of discussion. But it is so devastatingly contrasted with “you said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine, and that made me want to die.”)

THE SUMMATION

This is just my interpretation of it, but in going through the standard album, it feels pretty clear how cohesive the album is about a story of love and loss and grief, then reckoning with what caused it all in the first place that set a person on this path. It’s a formative experience at a young age that was traumatic and led to certain coping mechanisms and a shaping of one’s self-perception, as well as the reaction to external pressures that try to dictate behaviours and influence how one feels one deserves out of love which makes it harder to know when one absolutely deserves more and better. And leaves one struggling to cope with loss when there isn’t anything else to hold onto. Then in light of one’s life blowing up, learning to find oneself in the aftermath all over again.

On another tangent that is somewhat related to the theme of loss, the way she writes about the two main muses on the standard album also ties into how the situations converged to create absolute carnage on her emotional and mental well-being. With one situation, she’s talking about a concrete life that crumbles under the weight of their struggles; with the other, the entire thing is a fantasy that she builds up in her head, and when it comes to fruition it falls far, far short.

If you look at the “microwave” (conman) relationship, you realize that almost everything she writes about it happens before it actually becomes reality, and it’s mostly her imagining how great it’ll be, but with few exceptions, when she writes about what actually occurred, it doesn’t even come close to living up to her expectations. “Fortnight” is an imagined future where she escapes to Florida and his touch finally starts her stalled engine (ahem). “TTPD” is perhaps the most positive retelling of their time together, but even that implies he was better off stoned and when he sobered up he succumbed to his demons all over again, and more importantly she conveys how she also is in extreme distress, barely concealed by the veneer of being infatuated with him. (E.g. saying to that she’ll kill herself if he ever leaves her — the implication is that she is absolutely serious about it when she “felt seen.”) And that the warning bells are going off in her head, but she feels like this person is the only one she can be with (because they’re equally fucked up and the chaos he brings into her life makes her feel alive when she felt so close to death).

“Down Bad” is the most explicit about being in love, but she’s also left completely confused and disoriented by him disappearing, wondering if any of it was real and the seeds of violation creep into her consciousness (“did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” “Waking up in blood.”). “But Daddy” is her imagining she can tell everyone to fuck off for telling her what to do with her life. “Fresh Out The Slammer” is her fantasizing about this man while feeling trapped in her relationship — but never in the song is she actually reunited with him; she’s using him as the projection of all the things she’ll make right after being wronged by her partner. “Guilty As Sin?” Is very obviously about her fantasizing about sleeping with him, but again it’s such a minefield for her because it hasn’t happened yet; they’ve only just reconnected. “I Can Fix Him” is the only song other than “TTPD” that shows them actually together, and it’s the one where she keeps saying, essentially, “I know he’s gross but I can rehabilitate him into an upstanding person, trust me,” until the mic drop at the end of the song where it finally hits her that no, she can’t, because this is who he is, not the person she’s built him up to be.

“Loml” is when it all comes crashing down, and the song emphasizes everything he did and told her, e.g. that she’s the love of his life, but she doesn’t return the sentiment in the song about their time together. Because now that it’s past tense, she knows it wasn’t actually love. (And says as much in the album epilogue poem.) “Broken Heart” is her reeling in the aftermath, but again, it’s “he said,” not “I loved.” And then there’s “The Smallest Man,” where she eviscerates him: he also pursued an idea of her but didn’t care much for the real her in front of him (who else is gonna know me?), he love bombed her only to hurt her (crushing her dreams), he was constantly stoned (and not just in the funny munchies kind of way), and he wasn’t even a good lover (despite the fantasy she’d created before). That last point is especially striking because she spent albums singing about the importance of and pleasure in (sexual) intimacy in the relationship with her partner (sometimes to both their own detriment) and how it was at times the only way they could connect, but in this case, the idea she hyped up and acted on in her head about this lover never panned out in practice. She spells it out in the epilogue: it wasn’t a love affair, it was a mutual manic phase.

In contrast, there’s a lot more tangible action in the “oven” (partner) parts of the album, showing how hard she tried to make the relationship work in real life instead of just in her head. All of “So Long, London” is her detailing how she tried to break through to him and support him, even when he rejected it and pushed her away, thinking she could carry them both until they ultimately sank, but she did it because she “loved this place for so long.” (The place? Not just the city, but the home and perhaps most importantly, him.) In “Slammer” she stayed with him even as things disintegrated for “one hour of sunshine.” (E.g. holding onto the rarer good times even as they were fewer and further between, hoping things would eventually turn around.) And like in “London,” she held on despite people in her life pleading with her that it was hurting her. (Which is also echoed in “Slammer.”) In “Guilty” her boredom is “bone deep” because the passion that once drove their relationship (and papered over their problems) has finally gone out too, so there’s nothing left to hold onto, leading to her fantasizing about the new suitor, which makes her realize her relationship has passed the point of no return. “Loml” is about the conman on the surface, but the undercurrent of all the things she says about him is that he was co-opting the dreams that she was clinging onto for dear life in the previous relationship, which is why the con is so painful; the field of dreams he sets ablaze isn’t just the fake painting he sold to her, but the original artifact (her life with her partner) too.

All the physical and emotional labour she puts into the relationship with her partner ends up reflected in the fantasizing she does in the one with the conman, which is why it is so confusing in the moment and so lethal when he leaves her without any answers. She wants to get married and start a family with her partner which keeps getting stalled; the conman mock-proposes which makes her think he’s immediately serious (“TTPD,” “loml”). She feels caged by having to hide with her partner and shrink herself; the conman promises he’ll stand by her side publicly and let her shine (“Smallest Man”). She sinks into a deep depression in her loneliness as the relationship with her partner careens off a cliff; the conman convinces her they’re meant for each other in a them-against-the-world way (“Down Bad”). The intimacy (in all senses of the word) in her relationship with her partner fizzles; the conman stokes the fire by sending her secret messages and reigniting passion (“Guilty”). She spent years trying to help her partner to no avail; the conman makes her think she has the power to reform him (“loml”). She feels misunderstood by her partner; the conman acts like he’s the (only) one who truly gets her (“TTPD,” “loml”).

In short: there’s nothing that the conman does or says that isn’t a direct response to what her partner did first, and it’s even worse because the conman knew how much her partner’s actions hurt her and he used that privileged information to paint a picture of what he could give her, but in doing so in some ways aimed at her heart with even deadlier accuracy. (I’ve likened it to him borrowing someone else’s life for his own joyride, until he crashes the rental car and flees the scene.) It’s why in the aftermath, the difference in emotions are so different: she feels nothing but rage and violation towards the conman for getting in her head and using her, whereas her feelings towards her partner are more complicated. There’s anger (at her lost youth and being taken for granted), but there’s also sorrow (at their lost life and future), disappointment (that he never could step up the way he’d promised or she’d needed), even compassion (towards his struggles) and a tiny measure of appreciation (for the good times they did share).

When you look at the bigger picture, the story the album paints is just so painfully normal. You have two people (Taylor and her partner) who once loved each other deeply, and despite warning signs early on telling them they have fundamentally different needs and ways of living their lives they fight like hell to make it work (the epilogue) until those warning signs become grenades that destroy their home (“My Boy,” “London,” “Slammer,” arguably “loml”). Having already been through at least one rough patch/break/breakup that she felt almost destroyed her (harkening back to Midnights on “You’re Losing Me,” “The Great War” and “Hits Different”), the final and fatal downward spiral of the relationship (“YLM,” “London”) and the grief over losing that future sends her into a tailspin, just at the time where a flame from the past (the conman) reenters her life and tells her all the things she’s been longing to hear and feel (“TTPD,” “Down Bad,” “Guilty,” “loml”) and, crucially, missing from the relationship that was once her entire life.

So in her panic, she falls prey to the (empty) promises of the past lover (“loml,” “Smallest Man”) and decides he’s actually what will save her from the free fall, because the alternative (that she will end up in a situation she doesn’t think she can survive) is too painful to bear. When she finally acts on these circumstances (leaves her partner/runs to the conman), she snaps, acting on pure emotion and adrenaline (“But Daddy”), but before she knows it, the new lover abandons her, and she’s left to reckon with the fallout of the episode and process everything that has happened (“Down Bad,” “loml”) — with the conman, with her partner, with the choices made in her adult life personally and professionally which leads her back to the moment she feels set her down that road at the start.

The TL;DR of this unintentionally long essay is that the reason the conman affair was so serious was precisely because it was meant to fulfill the promise of what was her life with her partner. To me, a large part of the story is that she projected that life onto the conman (or he projected her life back to her for his own purposes) because she wasn’t ready to deal with that massive grief and the life raft he offered felt like the only alternative to an even darker end. Whether the conman actually believed what he told her, or he went along with it or encouraged it because it served his purpose, we’ll never know, just like we’ll never know the finer details of what went on (nor should we). But no matter what, the album is just an extreme deep dive into all the ways grief can consume us, and whether it’s a long, drawn-out death or a sudden, inexplicable one, it can turn a person’s life into such a trainwreck that they act in ways unfathomable to even them, let alone the people around them. It can also unleash repressed trauma and mental illness that can crater your sense of self. And when those situations are compounded? It makes for a nearly impossible type of breakdown to unpack. (Which is why you might need a 31 song album to process it.)

[insomnya777]

hiiiii guys !!!!!!!! so me and @toximblee were cooking up some ideas ..... basically to all my author moots would u perhaps be down to do a little secret santa fic exchange 😄 super casual kinda thing we can make a little discord server have some fun with it ...... maybe ????? reply if ur interested ???????

[qprstobin]

Stobin Different First Meeting AU where they go to prom together. This was meant to be an au post and turned into a mini fic oops (written completely within a tumblr post so sorry for the poor quality)

(edit: realized I should link the fic I was inspired by for those who don't follow me and so didn't see me reblog it earlier)

Steve doesn't necessarily want to go to prom, right? Like yeah, he'd been imagining it for a while, but now that he was very, very single it just didn't have the same shine that it used to. And he really wasn't ready to start dating yet. However, he didn't want to just, not go to prom, and also knew it would seem really weird (and pretty fucking sad) if he didn't go.

Which leaves him in a conundrum.

He thought for a while that maybe he would go with one of the junior cheerleaders. While he didn't have any close friends anymore, he was still friendly with plenty of people. There were girls that wouldn't be going to prom unless they had a senior boyfriend - some he had even gone on dates with in the past who wouldn't think a single prom date meant that he wanted a new girlfriend.

However, he is pretty sure most of those girls would have... other expectations for the night. And honestly? He isn't quite sure that he was ready to get back on that horse either.

... Not that he thought women were horses.

He's pretty sure men are normally the ones called horses in riding metaphors.

Anyway.

That left him stuck. He couldn't just not go to prom, but also didn't want to wind up trapped on an actual date with someone. So who could he ask?

His solution ended up coming from an odd place.

Robin Buckley was... quite honestly, kind of a weirdo.

She was cute, in an alternative sort of way. She never took any of his shit (he wasn't completely sure she even liked him) but also reluctantly laughed at the snarky shit he said under his breath during their Film History class. And not in the fake giggly way girls did when they were flirting, but didn't actually care about what he was saying, just the way he said it. She actually seemed to think he was funny. Even if that revelation seemed to piss her off.

The only reason he was even in Film History that semester - and therefore, knew who she was - was for the easy A. He got to watch movies in class, and watch movies for homework. He was willing to plow through a couple of shitty essays in exchange for a class that he didn't feel like a complete idiot in.

(Well, he was pretty sure Robin thought he was an idiot about movies, but just because he had trouble remembering the names and shit of characters, didn't mean he couldn't analyze the themes, fuck you very much, Buckley.)

They had gotten assigned a project together early on, and it hadn't been completely terrible. She had quickly taken over doing most of the writing portions, but hadn't thought all of his ideas were terrible. By the end of the project he thought they were even sort of having fun together.

He'd always been one to try his luck, take a little more than he was given. So, after that assignment was over, he started sitting next to her in class, not wanting that easy, if sharp, camaraderie to end. Robin rolled her eyes at him and asked him what he thought he was doing the first time he did it, but she never sent him away.

They ended up chatting more and more during down times, passing notes to each other and sharing sly comments under their breaths during the movies. Steve often had trouble paying attention at school, his mind easily wandering away, and it was almost as bad during most movies, but Robin helped keep him on track.

The class turned into one that was done for the easy grade, a last ditch effort to improve his already hopeless GPA, and became one he actually enjoyed.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of going to prom with Robin. It made the night seem a little less unbearable.

He thought about making a big deal out of asking her, because he knows that's what girls (and even Nancy) had enjoyed for past dances. He quickly scrapped that idea, however, because not only did he not want to put pressure on her like that, but also she seemed to hate public spectacles like that.

Or at least when aimed at her, they both enjoyed watching drama unfold in the halls a bit too much to say she hated it completely.

So Steve waits until the end of the day, their film class being their last, to pull her into an empty classroom. She follows him without question in a show of trust he didn't realize she had in him. The notion warms him, and for some reason makes it more difficult to get the question out.

"Why do I feel like you're about to try to sell me drugs or something?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He squints at her in offense.

"Why is that your first assumption?!"

"I don't know! Why else are you pulling me out of the hallway all secretive like, making sure no one followed us, into an abandoned classroom," she asks, throwing her arms into the air.

"The classroom isn't abandoned, it's the end of the day! Also, who does drug deals on campus, that's just stupid?" He asks rhetorically, before waving one hand through the air, as if trying to erase the current thread of conversation. "That doesn't matter, you're distracting me."

"Well then, get on with it! Some of us have practice we need to get to."

"It's like talking to the kids," he mutters to himself, "Whatever. I wanted to ask - will you go to prom with me?"

That stops Robin up short. There's panic in her eyes now, though Steve isn't sure what exactly put it there. Was his reputation that bad that even band geeks are terrified of getting asked out by him?

"You want to go on a date? With me?" she asks slowly, disbelief coloring her voice, though it doesn't hide her unease.

"No, I want to go to prom with you," he scoffs, "Not go on a date with you."

"That is a date, dingus! The person you go to prom with is literally called your date!"

"Okay, sure, maybe, but I don't actually want to date you," he said, rolling his eyes at her.

Like, okay, he understood his reputation for being... what did she call him last week? A 'huge effing rake'? But that didn't mean that he was trying to date any girl that looked in his direction. A lot of girls looked in his direction. That was too many women, even for him.

Robin relaxes a little at that.

"Then why are you asking me to prom instead of someone you actually want to date?"

"Because!" he says, resisting the urge to flail his hands back at her. "I don't want to date anyone right now. Most people I ask are going to expect all these things from me - they're going to want dinner, and at the very least a kiss at the end of the night if not more, or another date the very next day. Because Steve Harrington is supposed to want those things!" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair to calm himself. "But right now? I really don't."

"Well then, what does Steve the Hair Harrington actually want?" She had relaxed fully at this point, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

"I want to go to prom with someone I consider a friend, someone who makes me laugh," he says after a moment of silence. "I want to dance badly to really corny pop music and drink just enough spiked punch that I don't remember how much I hate wearing any sort of tie. Then I want to go get milkshakes or go see a really trashy midnight horror flick, just because I'm having so much fun I don't want the night to end."

That small smile has grown into a reluctant grin on Robin's face. It makes her eyes shine and her freckles pop. Steve thought that if he was in a better place, if they had met at a different time, he could have fallen in love with her.

But they had met now instead, in some shitty public school elective course, and she was the closest thing he had to a friend that wasn't a snotty middle schooler.

"That sounds... like a lot of fun, actually," she says, mischief sparking on her face. "Who would've known the hidden depths hidden behind all that hair."

"Hey!" he protests half-heartedly, unable to keep a grin of his own off his face. "So what do you say? Wanna go to prom with me?"

"I guess," she sighs, acting like it was such a trial to go to prom with him. Him! But her next words make up for it. "Since we're friends, and all. However, I still expect you to buy me dinner, though you can keep the kiss goodnight to yourself."

Steve can't help the giddy laugh from spilling out of him. For the first time in weeks, he is actually looking forward to prom.

[dumpster-dive-reading]

So seeing this poll gave me the opportunity to reread a few amazing fics, and read a small handful of new ones. I usually provide links, but you already did that, so less work for me, I can just reccomend things mindlessly to my single follower, while also throwing compliments at the author. That’s what I do, that’s what I’m best at.

Child rearing for Cosmic Horrors is an absolutely great time, I’ve loved it every time I read it. The daycare is a favorite part, I love the demonic babies and their insane powers. It’s hilarious and such a blast to read. I like to revisit it after some of the more angsty fics because i need that good balance in my life of sweet stuff and emotional damage.

Furry Might! I think the premise of this is so ridiculous. The fact that Koda knows something is wrong, and no one actually cares. The fact that Aizawa refuses to acknowledge the existence of the cat. The fact that the cat despises All Might no matter what he does. I love the shenanigans of Class 1A and their giant cat who’s actually a villain in disguise. Also the sheer absurdity of the fic stemming from budgeting issues- it’s perfect.

Awful For One is also a lovely and absurd time. I love my crack fics, I eat them for breakfast. Izuku teaming up with the vestiges to mess with All For One? Perfect. I love the fact that Nedzu knows the truth, and isn’t telling anyone about it. He’s such a mischievous little mouse bear, and I adore him. Him using the power to prank and capture the League of Villains? Then using it to possibly destroy the actual All for One? He saves the world by being a total troll on twitter? Absolutely hilarious.

Too Cold for Angels to Fly is a real dark one, in the line of Katydid making AUs in which characters are given the worst dad of all time (All For One). This is perhaps one of the worst endings for someone subjected to being related to All for One. Izuku has gotten better endings than this. There’s still hope at least! Maybe? Oh god, this is an angst fic, I’m 90% sure everyone is going to die if we get another chapter. I’m holding out for a happy ending, but the writing gods tend to be quite cruel. (No shame to the author, they make the best words for me to stab myself with exesential dread).

Thirty is the Time to Enjoy Your Freedom is another dark one, absolutely tragic. There’s something that hits different when Dad for One is up against an actual adult instead of a teenager. It hurts so much more. It’s written so well too. The paranoia of the second chapter? Ahh. So good. The first chapter, where it’s this really sad bit where Aizawa describes the pain of trying to constantly isolate himself and make up for his terrible dad, and push people away so he won’t hurt them… it’s so tragic. The ending of the second chapter is so painful. It hurts so bad. The emotional hurt. I am hoping that if a new chapter is added, we get a happy ending for this sad man, because he deserves it and you know what, I want it. I’m allowed to want things, and this would make such satisfying hurt/comfort after All for One ends up dying. Please, I beg of you, kill him. (Not that hurt/more hurt fics are bad, I just have intense emotional attachments to fictional characters)

AITA for vaulting my younger brother is an absolutely fabulous fic. If you can’t tell, I love crack fics, and this is a good one. All For One trying to spin his terrible actions into the morally correct ones is absolutely ridiculous. He’s such a horrible person, it’s funny to see how terrible he is. I love the way that he is just completely unaware that what he’s doing is wrong. He’s such an idiot (affectionate).

A Big Brother is Born First to Protect the Younger Ones is a pretty dark fic in which Dabi gets to do some vaulting. How exciting. All for One is a horrible influence, and really should read a book on parenting. He won’t finish it, but even if he just reads the first chapter, he might learn that empathy is good. I mean, at least Dabi is always terrible at his job, so quirkless Shoto should be able to escape his big brother no problem.

Corgizuku is another one where the entire narrative of the story is sidestepped in a really easy, yet completely ridiculous way. I love that trend. Izuku turning into a dog and ruining all the evil plans is a good story.

The Face on the Missing Person Poster is another good one. I like philosophy discussions, and I want to shove all the characters in a box and make them talk their problems out. I want the day to be saved through therapy. I made like… a massive comment under that fic today, (I’m Sparkletastic on Ao3) so I’m kind of out of words at the moment, but I love it. You can read my “oh goodness this is amazing” on there, where I just… write out my weird ideas and throw them at the author as if anyone asked for them in the first place. Anyway, seeing a villain Shoto is fun, and it’s been a while since I’ve read about good person Touya. Fun.

With this I have become one of the very last people to finally get tumblr polls!

I'm leaving this poll open for a full week and it will take me a while to write a fic so please be patient. I promise to eventually write the winner. Links to the fics under consideration:

Childrearing for Cosmic Horrors

Izuku’s Totally Normal Cat (of Mass Destruction)

Awful for One

Too Cold for Angels to Fly

Thirty is the Time to Enjoy Your Freedom

Am I the Asshole for Vaulting My Little Brother?

A Big Brother is Born First to Protect the Younger Ones

Corgizuku

The Face on the Missing Person Poster

[sainteclectic]

and btw since I'm posting a lot of wholesoul content (intended as platonic but still), i do want to make it clear: my analysis of whole as a character is purely within the narrative of the story! while i am aware that behind the metaphors is whole is cj himself, that's never what i'm writing whole as in my work. basically I'm using the internal logic of the fiction (whole as viewed by the characters in the album) rather than the reason for the fiction existing (as a fictionalized version of chonny's mental state), just like i do with all the other characters. it's important to make that distinction when you're dealing with a piece of fiction so heavily based on the creator i think. I'll never use cj as a basis for how I write whole because I find that a little off putting tbh ^^;

basically I'm playing with touys. ok? play touys with me

[wundrousarts]

Something I’ve noticed for awhile is that I often get comments from people about how they are surprised how I always come up with theories and try to guess what might happen and they “could never do that” themselves. I want to say: yes you can! There’s honestly a shortage of Nevermoor theories and ideas and speculation and etc and I want to see MORE!!!

Want to talk about how Morrigan’s mom is actually secretly alive? How the Scholar Mistresses are a Wundrous Act? Do you think the Tempus Divinity looks like an owl, or do you think Weaving and Ruination would be met together? Or have you ever thought about how this one line, from Chapter 19 of Nevermoor, about Betram Crow actually means he was a Cursed Child? Whatever it is you want to talk about: GO FOR IT!!!

I personally find it very fun to go sort of “English class mode” and look at the text in front of me and think about what different things might mean and analyze it and even overthink it to an unnecessary (but fun!) amount. But that’s just me and how I like to approach things! You don’t need to make long posts and quote specific lines if that isn’t your style. The big thing to remember is that so much can happen in the next six books, so throw any idea out there! You never know what twists and turns will be thrown at us. I think it’s fun to share these ideas and discuss with other people— sure, maybe there’s just something you missed when reading, but perhaps some new ideas spawn might from it. Some speculation could even serve as inspiration for fics!

There are some theories and thoughts that I’ve posted that have been “debunked” when I reread a book, or when someone pointed out something, or even just when something had a real-world basis that I as an American didn’t catch. But it was still fun to think about it all, and there’s some bits and pieces that I see as notable and worth considering. I think most of the Silverborn Masterpost is going to be “wrong”, but if just 1% of it is “correct”, even indirectly, I will take that as a win. I know it feels like during the hiatus everyone’s talked about everything, but I hope that the incoming communal reread (fingers crossed) and obviously Silverborn brings some speculation back to the fandom because I want to discusssssss!

[kedreeva]

WIP Wednesday Game

It’s WIP Wednesday, time for a little accountability, sharing your work, and getting a kick in the pants.

Here’s how it works:

In a reblog of this post (so people can find you in the notes) or new thread (w/ rules attached) if you want to play on your own, post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to play!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event or gift fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. I’ll be searching the reblogs to find people to send asks to!

If you’re reading this, you’re invited!

If you see someone posting a WIP Wednesday Game snippet, send them an ask! Make them write.

Requested/Friend event mentions under the cut! If you'd like to be pinged next week, send me a message to ask!

Friends @fiore-della-valle @redbirdblogs @greenbergsays @idkfandomwhatever @luckyspike

@obaewankenope @mad-madam-m @anonymousdandelion @geometricfractal @prettybirdy979

@eriquin | Requests @aparticularbandit @madnessfromthemountains @makeroftherunes @1attheedge

@whimsicalmeerkat @kidsomeday @lizhly-writes @skyderman @adhdavinci

@owlbearwrites @anachronismstellar @anyctibius @rilannon @lazinesswrites

@zyrafowe-sny @dreaminghour @blue-eyedbeta @candyskiez @dreamerking27

@kalira @virgulesmith @i-want-delfeur @selkies-world @exceedinglygayotter

@oitreewrites @post-and-out

[dumpster-dive-reading]

I will always cronch on that good platonic Yandere, especially Yandere erasermic fam. I have read so many of those pieces, so many times, and this is just another to my hoarde of fanfics that I treasure with all my heart.

Castle

Platonic!Yandere Vampire ErasterMic!Family x Toddler!Reader (GN)

Summary: Upon a hill over a small town stands a castle. It's vampiric inhabitants get a sacrifice every generation, but one year, they find a little child bundled up in a blanket at their door.

! Minors Do Not Interact !

TW: Sacrificing a child (you), mention of mugging, fighting, attacks, murder + torture (not descriptive and not towards reader), vampires, being turned into a vampire, illness, dark content, I do not condone this - this is all just fantasy

There was a custom in a small town lying in the valley under a hill which adorned the horizon along with the great castle standing on top of it unshakable, permanent, unaging - just like its inhabitants. There were legends going through generations of people living in the castle's shadow. According to them, the castle housed four very specific, mythical creatures. A man of shadows who could only be seen in the night and whose sight was said to be linked with an imminent death. A banshee who could act like a siren and lure you in, only to them scream with the voices of all the souls who have lost their lives because of him. An undead boy who could make you see things, hear things, do things, which would shake any living thing to their core. And at the last, a girl pale as a sheet, with hair white as snow - a ghost, said to be one of their former victims (according to some even their first), who was hunting the castle to warn others who'd share her fate and remind the creatures who had caused her death of their rotten soul.

Along with the legends and myths, the custom developed as well - it came from a place of fear and dread, from a time when deaths rid the town of most of its people and the only cause they could discern was that they had attracted the anger of their mythical watchers - and now it was common practice for every generation to chose a sacrifice to bring to the gates of the castle to gratify the rage of it's owners. Usually, it would be one of the elderly who volunteered themselves, knowing that they had not long to live and wanting to see what all the legends were about at least once in their life. Because except for the sacrificial rite no one was allowed to climb the hill to the castle.

By the time the most unusual and determinative sacrifice happened, the medics of the town had realized that the deaths they had in the past blamed on the creatures were caused by natural reasons - most crucial, the plague. But still, the custom stayed, because why would they change the habit that had kept the townspeople safe for all these years? There was just one thing that was different by that time - it had probably been the result of more health and people having fewer children - but for the first time in generations, there were no elderly who were close to dying, all the elderly who were around were still healthy and fit. And so, one family offered to make the ultimate sacrifice, as they had a young child of only a few years of age who they'd be bringing to the gates. The child was old enough to walk and talk, but not old enough to understand what was happening. And furthermore, the child was ill and sickly. They had been born with their ailment and the doctors saw no possibility of betterment, giving them only a few more years of life before the ailment would take them.

And so it was decided for the best all to lose their child in exchange for the happiness of all the other children they would have and that were living around them. On the night of the summer solstice, their parents put the child into warm clothes and carry their sleeping form up the hill. They knew that the least they needed to do was bring them away together and spend their last moments on this earth as a family. When they arrived at the gate, they rolled their child in a blanket and laid her down in front of it, before the father took the mother's hand and used the knocker that would never work from that distance at any other house. The parents gave their child one last kiss and then solemnly made their way back down the hill to their lives.

On the opposite side of the gate were a family at dinner - or at least as similar to dinner as it was possible for this family. They were sitting around a table with chalices before them, filled with dark, red, liquid that some might assume to be wine. It was not. The family had been living in the castle for centuries. And it was not the fathers and mothers of the people living in it now, no, it had been the exact same people as were sitting around the table now, unchanged like the building they were living in. Unlike what the townspeople assumed, the family of vampires had no interest in ending the lives of the people below them, they had long since switched to an animal-based diet. Still, they also had no interest in stopping their little habit of sacrifices, because it kept them unbothered, and kept the people of the town just afraid enough to not dare enter their homes. And since the sacrificial humans were usually already smelling of death, they had no issue putting them out of their misery - giving the old humans the happiness of letting them know what they had been wondering about for their entire lives.

As the family was talking about the latest news and interests that had been going on in their very exclusive, very secretive society of vampiric creatures spread around the entire world, Aizawa looked out of the window and sighed. He wondered about how fast the last 25 years had passed, but stood up and went out to the gate nonetheless. He wondered a little bit about the unusual breathing and heartbeat pattern heard coming from the human. It had been centuries since he had bothered with visiting or listening to other humans so while his ears were as good as ever, he had some difficulties distinguishing between the differences in them just based on their sounds and smells. So he assumed that this human was just weaker than usual.

All this led to all the more of a surprise when he opened the gate and found not an elderly human looking to find their end for the greater good, but instead a little bundled-up child. You - looking slightly younger than their own daughter had been when she was turned by a nefarious vampire looking to extend their clan - looked so weak, so frail, and as Aizawa looked at you, for the first time in centuries he was reminded of his own time as a mortal. Back then he and Yamada had to hide their love, their romance forbidden for multiple reasons. Not only were they both men, no they were also part of opposite sides of a war, though on the nights when they both sneaked away to spend their time embraced without having to worry about the rest of the world, they spent their time dreaming of having a life together, living without fear and most importantly, taking care of a little life of their own. A child. And when they had been turned, that dream had been mostly fulfilled.

Now they were powerful enough to live without fear together and a few decades later they stumbled upon a dying boy - a mugger who had stolen from them earlier, but as they hunted him down to get their stuff back they found him giving away the stolen goods to the children living in the street without a way to make their own way of survival. When he had also thrown himself in the way of a fight that had escalated and an attack meant for Yamada, it had been clear to them they could not leave him to die. And so they turned him and gained their son. And while they loved him as if he was their own - he was in a sense, the bond forged by turning someone almost as strong as the bond of blood mortals had - he had still already been a young adult when they had 'adopted' him.

Their gaining Eri for their family had been similar. She had already been a vampire for years when they had saved her and while she still looked the part of a young child, she had already been mindful and conscious of things a child would never be, she was a teenager or even an adult trapped in the body of a child.

So when Aizawa looked down at you, he saw this dream of theirs, the dream of raising a child of their own, and he saw the possibility of that now happening. When he brought you back in it was safe to say that his idea was taken in with a lot of enthusiasm, Yamada taking you out of Aizawa's arms and cuddling you close to him - so very happy to have a little you like you so close to him. Oh, how adorable you were, how precious - it was like he finally found what he was waiting for all of his immortal life. Eri was over the moon as well, stating that she had always wanted to be a big sister, that she'd do her best to make sure you'd grow up safe and surrounded by love, and that she wouldn't let anything harm you.

Shinsou was the one who stated something that the rest of the family had forgotten to think about through their joy. Someone had sacrificed you to them, had left you to what they thought to be a soon and possibly painful death. Shinsou's eyes were filled with rage, infectious rage and bloodlust that he hadn't felt since he'd been turned first, as he thought about how someone could leave such a little, weak thing as you to your death knowingly. And so, you were left with Yamada who was not quite ready to let go of you yet, and Eri who insisted on you getting a room near hers (even though you'd spent your next years sleeping in your new parent's bed) and to be there when you awoke to keep you calm in your new surrounded.

While they were already planning your new life, Aizawa and Shinsou made their way down that hill for the first time in a long while, with fire and fury in their steps, knowing that they'd leave no one alive - all of the townspeople at fault for letting you be sacrificed in their eyes. They had only had you with them for less than a day, but one look at you cuddling into Aizawa and Yamadas was enough to have them put you into their hearts and they'd bring hell before letting you go again. So no matter if young or old, male or female or in between, sick or healthy, every single mortal in that town paid their due that day, most of all your own parents whom they recognized by their smell and made suffer for as long as they could before they felt like they needed to see you again to make sure you were doing okay and ended your families misery.

It was clear that your life would be very different from now on, you would be coddled and loved, spoiled and protected. You were still so young that you didn't really worry about the fact that there were these strange people calling themselves your daddies and siblings for longer than a month or two, after that, you accepted your new situation. You enjoyed the attention, loved playing with Eri, dressing up with Yamada, taking naps with Aizawa and getting told stories by Shinsou. Your new life was happy and joyful and you didn't even notice how protective and obsessive your new family was. Leaving the castle wasn't an option anymore - which you didn't worry about too much given how big the castle felt to you - and neither was being alone. There was always one of them with you unless you were sleeping, and even then someone was close to you, close enough to race to you when they heard the difference in breathing patterns of you waking up.

Upon multiple protective measures, it was Shinsou who took it into his hands to tell you stories that made you scared of being alone and leaving the safety of your home - it hurt him to see you so scared, but the feeling of having you run into his arms for comfort when you were afraid of a shadow outside of the window, made it all worth it. Only once you started seeing evil in anything outside and started fearing things around you once you were alone did he tone it down a bit, knowing that he would not have to worry about you leaving them for the time being. His parents had claimed that it wasn't necessary since someone was with you at all times, but they didn't intervene when he started so he assumed they were fine with it.

Aizawa and Yamada loved having your young innocent around them, it reminded them that there was still goodness left in the world, but they still decided that they would not turn you until you were old enough to agree to it. They couldn't promise that they'd listen to you even if you didn't agree - already knowing that they could never let you go - but they at least wanted you to have the opportunity to feel like you made the choice on your own.

Of course, there was still your illness. Your family had many connections in the world thanks to their community of vampiric friends so they had access to the top medication and the best doctors and you got all of that. Everything to make sure you were as healthy as possible and relieved of any pain. The only thing that might change the way they had decided your turning would go would be if your condition worsened if there was no chance of healing anymore. Then, turning you would be an immediate reaction. And who knows, maybe them having you being their little toddler for the rest of eternity - never growing and being coddled by them to make sure you stay as innocent as you are now - was the best thing that could happen to you since they had found you at their gate.

N/A: Thank you to @dumpster-dive-reading for the inspiration behind this and thank you all for reading this. If you enjoyed it I'd love to read your thoughts. Tomorrow's entry for Yandere Writetober is going to be 'dagger' and let's just say while I'm not sure yet, I have a very mischievous character in mind for this. See you then ❤️

[nebulouscoffee]

The thing about Kai Winn's storyline ultimately being a tragedy is, it's not only a tragedy because her fate (in the eyes of the non-linear Prophets) was already known and nothing she did or said was ever going to make them acknowledge her- not only because she wanted so badly to have a big role to play in the grand, historic story of the newly independent Bajor and just couldn't handle the fact that she was never meant to- not only because the Prophets spoke to Sisko and Bareil and Kira and literally even Quark but not her- not only because she was deceived and raped and killed in the end- but most of all because, it was partly her love of Bajor that killed her.

Think about it- her whole regression during that final arc with Dukat is so tragic precisely because she was THIS close to redemption! Throughout the show, we see that her brain processes information in very rigid, binary ways: if you are not my ally, then you are my enemy. If you disagree with even one of my opinions, you are my enemy. If you refuse to endorse and support me in this mission, you are my enemy. That's part of why she's so easily swayed by fascist rhetoric, I think- she's just unable to cope with nuance. (This is foreshadowed in 'Shakaar', where she puts the whole of Bajor under martial law just because Shakaar disagreed with her over how she was handling soil reclamators.) Her personal narrative is I am the one who will save Bajor -> anyone who gets in my way is my enemy and therefore an enemy of Bajor -> I must stop them using any force necessary for the good of Bajor because I am after all the one who will save Bajor.

But when Sisko discovers the city of B'hala in 'Rapture', she is for the first time forced to accept the truth that he really hasn't been faking this whole "talks to the Prophets" thing- he's the real deal. We learn later on (when she tells "Anjohl" about how she honestly felt nothing the first time she saw the wormhole open) that a small, small part of her actually always doubted the existence of the Prophets. Now, she is faced with definitive proof that they are not only very real, but they also really do have a bond with Sisko. And for a while, she even comes to terms with this! In fact, at the end of the episode, she and Kira have possibly their first completely honest exchange:

KIRA: Maybe we're the ones who need to trust the Prophets. For all we know, this is part of their plan. Maybe they've told Captain Sisko everything they want him to know.  WINN: Perhaps. I suppose you heard that Bajor will not join the Federation today. The Council of Ministers has voted to delay acceptance of Federation membership.  KIRA: You must be very pleased.  WINN: I wish I were. But things are not that simple. Not anymore. Before Captain Sisko found B'hala, my path was clear. I knew who my enemies were. But now? Now nothing is certain.  KIRA: Makes life interesting, doesn't it?

Like, YASS babygirl- you too can learn to handle nuance!! I believe in you!!💪💪

And later on, at the onset of the Dominion War, she comes to Sisko for advice herself. She doesn't want to see her planet colonised again, and she's even willing to put aside her desire to be the main character to ensure it doesn't happen. Driven by pride and the need for power as she is, she is also driven by the desire save Bajor (and preferably be the one saving Bajor, which is the subsection of this desire that ultimately ends up being her downfall) - and she does briefly decide that cooperating with the Emissary is the best way to do this! I think about this scene from 'In The Cards' so much:

WINN: ... I have asked the Prophets to guide me, but they have not answered my prayers. I even consulted the Orb of Wisdom before coming here and it has told me nothing. So I come to you, Emissary. You have heard the voice of the Prophets. You were sent here to guide us through troubled times. Tell me what to do and I will do it. How can I save Bajor?  SISKO: You want my advice? Then this is it. Stall. Tell Weyoun you have to consult with the Council of Ministers, or that you have to meditate on your response. Anything you want, but you have to stall for time.  WINN: Time for what?  SISKO: I don't know. But I do know the moment of crisis isn't here yet, and until that moment arrives we have to keep Bajor's options open. I'm aware that this is difficult for you, given our past, but this time you have to trust me.  (Winn holds Sisko's left ear.)  WINN: Very well, Emissary. We put ourselves in your hands. May we all walk with the Prophets.

In the earlier seasons, Winn would often casually make claims that the Prophets had "told her" something, or that she was just "doing what the Prophets asked"- and her political position as Kai always allowed her to just lie about being in contact with them all the time. Now, you can see the sheer humility- the embarrassment, even- on her face as she (for the first time) openly admits to Sisko that she has never actually heard them speak before; and that they clearly "prefer" him. Yes, there's some (understandable imo) bitterness here- but not at him, at THEM. And when she tries to read his pagh at the end- something she probably does to dozens of people every day, most of whom would unquestioningly believe anything she declares afterwards- she doesn't even try to pretend she felt anything there. It's one of her most genuine moments in the whole show, you can just SEE the redemption arc in reach and it's so heartbreaking!!

I think 'The Reckoning' is a huge episode for her too, for many reasons- but let's talk about how it sets up this fascinating parallel between her and Kira (who Odo describes in this episode as having "both faith and humility"). The Prophets choose Kira as their "vessel" because she was "willing"- meanwhile, Winn was right there just begging to be a part of this! Here she is, with a Prophet right in front of her face- and she prays and postures and begs and prays some more, all just to get ignored. Kira's brand of faith is very, "I am ultimately insignificant and I surrender my power and my body and pagh to the Prophets"- Winn's is more, "if I do all the right things, then I will be able to prove to the Prophets that I am worthy of their attention, worthier than everyone else, and maybe then they'll appoint me the saviour of Bajor! It's My Destiny, You See!! (Why Isn't This Happening For Me??)" And the events of this episode are kind of a big slap in the face to her honestly, because they sort of prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Prophets have no interest in her. Maybe stopping the battle was also an attempt at regaining some kind of agency with them- I DID THIS, I pulled a switch and it had a direct effect on the Prophets, so there!! (Whatever that effect entails). She does care about Bajor. Of course she does. But her ideal configuration of Bajor involves her being a major player in its salvation, which she was just never meant to be. And this is why she's so tragically susceptible to Dukat's manipulation- he was the first person ever to tell her everything she always wanted to hear.

And the intriguing thing about Dukat's deception is, it doesn't all fall apart at one go. It falls apart in layers. And this makes for some excellent, excellent Winn characterisation imo.

First, she thinks the pah wraiths are the Prophets- and they tell her, hey, The Sisko has faltered, Bajor needs you, and only you can fix this. Good lord, imagine finally getting to hear those words after a lifetime of silence! And it's very telling that her first reaction isn't to gloat like she would've in the earlier seasons, but instead to humbly- even anxiously- pray. Bajor needs her, the "Prophets" have asked her to do something, this is her moment! Then, this random lovely Bajoran farmer comes in and tells her even more things she has always wanted to hear- that her activism during the Occupation (ignored by Kira and Sisko alike) saved lives, that he always wondered why the Prophets would choose an alien as their Emissary, that surely Sisko and his followers were mistaken- and finally, "our world will be reborn- with YOU as its leader". Sounds good, right? But THEN she finds out she's been speaking to the pah wraiths and the lovely farmer is a devil worshipper actually. And she tries the "wash away my sins" approach- she wants some kind of quick fix ritual that will "purify" her, so she can continue to be Kai the right way. She even admits to Kira that she's always been power hungry and she wants to change- and I believe her! Unfortunately, Kira then tells her something she doesn't want to hear- that she has to step down as Kai. And surely that can't be, right? She's the saviour of Bajor! She's so complex... it's not simply her love of power that this scene reveals imo, but more significantly, her inability to see herself as not a vital part of Bajor's history; of this whole larger narrative. Like-

WINN: I'm a patient woman. But I have run out of patience. I will no longer serve gods who give me nothing in return. "GIVE ME"!! ADAMI MY BESTIE MY GIRL MY BUDDY THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM!!!

So, okay, fine, now she's swayed over to the side that maybe the Prophets aren't that great, and maybe the pah wraiths are the true gods of Bajor (because they were willing to talk to her), and maybe she's okay working with the devil worshipper. But then it turns out he's DUKAT- and at this point, she's literally murdered someone, she's ready to stop this, to go back to Sisko and set things right- but then the book of the Kosst Amojan lights up because of the blood she spilled. She did that. It happened as a direct result of her actions. She's just so desperate to be acknowledged... to have a role to play in all this, no matter who offers it to her. So the pah wraiths actually giving her a reaction isn't something she can resist. And here's where things get even more tragic.

WINN: But the prophecies! They warn that the release of the Pah wraiths will mean the end of Bajor.  DUKAT: The old Bajor, perhaps. But from its ashes a new Bajor will arise and the Restoration will begin.  WINN: Who will be left to see it?  DUKAT: Those the gods find worthy. It will be the dawn of paradise. And you, Adami, are destined to rule it.  WINN: You're sure of that?  DUKAT: It is meant to be.

Again with the ease at which she's swayed by fascist rhetoric! Let's be clear, she was (and is) absolutely against the Cardassian Occupation. But her worldview is built on the pursuit of being "worthier" than everyone else, of being "closer to god" than everyone else- her expectation of faith is that it's some sort of determiner of who's doing it The Most Effectively, rather than it being a practice- and she just completely misses that any sort of plan that executes masses and spares whoever is deemed "worthy" is... literally exactly what people like Dukat did to her planet. Something something faith as competition, faith as determiner of inherent superiority, faith as a way to gain power via proximity to god… never faith as submission. And the worst part is she’s self-aware. It’s heartbreaking.

And it's about to get even more heartbreaking, because she truly believes she has arrived at her girlboss moment in the finale (I think the tragedy of her being a rape victim and knowing this and having to hide the body of the one (1) person who was looking out for her while being stuck with her rapist speaks for itself.) After kicking Dukat out on the street (lol), she studies the eeevil texts and realises that to set the pah wraiths free, you need to make a sacrifice. So now she gets to deceive him in return. And she does! The look of shock on his face when he discovers she poisoned him is priceless imo, and her triumph as she taunts his dead body, the sheer joy on her face as she casts off her Kai robes, when she recites those incantations and something actually happens- and that too such a large pyrotechnic spectacle- is so sad knowing what's coming. Because ultimately, the pah wraiths want to destroy Bajor, right? And Winn just doesn't. Of course they don't choose her. Of course they choose Dukat over her! She really thought that by tricking and murdering him, she'd made him the unimportant piece of the puzzle, that she was stealing back his thunder- but tragically, it turns out even the pah wraiths see her as disposable. Of course they resurrect Dukat (a man who's proved time and time again that he wants to see Bajor & Bajorans destroyed) and turn her into the sacrifice. The way she screams "NO!" here breaks my heart- she's betrayed her planet, and it was all for nothing. (Dukat's "are you still here?" is particularly devastating.) I think it's very significant that her final words are "Emissary, the book!"- it shows that in her last moments, she's owning her mistakes- she's stepping away from power and putting Bajor first, and leaving her own fate in the hands of the Prophets. Who, of course, once again ignore her, and choose to save Sisko instead. God.

The utter tragedy that even in the pah wraiths' plan, she was just a pawn. That she died at the hands of the gods she thought chose her, but used her, all while the gods she'd coveted her whole life stood by and did nothing. The Prophets chose Sisko because they believed he would put Bajor's interests over even his own- and now they ensure he will be back one day to see the new Bajor. She never will.

Yes, it was her pride that got her here. Her mean streak. Her inability to cope with nuance. Her inability to see herself as ultimately insignificant. Her inability to surrender to a higher power in any way that didn't involve becoming more powerful herself; more relevant, more "close to god". But it was also her love of Bajor. Because if she'd cared about Bajor less, then maybe the pah wraiths might have chosen her- or at least spared her, or taken her to their realm after she burned, the way they did with Dukat. Now, she ends up being the one thing she never wanted to be: insignificant.

Honestly if I had to summarise the tragedy of her arc in one sentence, it would probably be Kai Winn: Too Evil For The Prophets, Not Evil Enough For The Pah Wraiths. She and Dukat are not the same! She is a perfectly pathetic, sad and wet blorbo and I am holding her gently in my hands while apologising for her crimes <3

[ghostoffuturespast]

Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...