#just real crinch

[maskofnova]

I wanted to ask if it's alright to use your art as an icon with proper credit? You draw a really good Surge!

Yeah as long as its not oc art or a commission, anyone is free to use my fanart as icons or banners or whatever. With credit preferably but i know some sites dont properly facilitate that.

Also thanks!!

[lolathepeacocklord]

Hello everybody back for day two of Lolas super epic sigma sauce propergander today on ANGRY ARCHER!!!!!! From tee eff ay TRANSFORMARS!!!!!!!!!THE ANIMATED💪💪💪🔥🔥🔥💪💥💥💥💪💪💪💥

Honestly there is very little I could do to try and convince you that Angry Archer is in fact hot, compared to literally any other character in the entirety of transformers animated. Like this dude is FUGLY, there is NO helping him. It is ROUGH out here

But that’s also where the beauty comes from in all honestly! Something I've grown to really love and appreciate about tfa is how varied and unique a lot of the human characters are! I know a lot of the female characters specifically kind of suffer from the curse of being in a Cartoon Network show from 2007, and that sort of syndrome still carries on to this day- it is quite horrorful sometimes siiiigghhh.

Not to be preachy or anything, this is in fact just a goofy smash or pass poll on an obscure transformers character after all. But in my opinion, in a world that is often so afraid of stepping off the lines of conventional attraction when designing characters, it's the oddly built, uniquely shaped, strange intentionally unattractive characters that can end up being so appealing!

like holy hell Angry Archer is STRANGE. Weird ass little freakazoid on my television screen. But thats what makes him COOL its what makes him FUN!!!!!! Weirdly rat adjacent british man with the buck teeth big ass nose wart on cheek, he looks odd he looks interesting he looks UNIQUE and its GREAT!!!

And his whole gimmick is fun as well! Reverse robin hood with little robotic gadgets built into just a bow and arrow!

I was never quite sure what exactly the robotic arm was supposed to be, like if it was a prosthetic or a glove or something? Personally went with the latter cus ykw the prosthetic arm option is cool as hell.

Talking in old english? Cool as hell. Wearing a cunty ass outfit from party city while robbing a museum? Cool as hell. Being able to tank a hit such as swinging on a rope and slamming directly into a massive robot car and then him tossing you up 50 meters in the air, NOT dying or at the very least breaking like seven ribs from it, and then making a smooth ass escape in which you officially fuck off for the rest of the episode? Cool as hell!!!

My main point here is just that I think the villains and human characters from tfa in general are really interesting when you really look at them and are able to appreciate them for the way they are. Yeah Angry Archer is ugly as hell, but in a world full of sanitized conventional attraction sometimes the guys that are hard for you to look at can end up becoming attractive in their own right completely! ^^ Also fun fact he's canonically wearing tight it's confirmed in the Allspark Almanac 2 and I think that's really cool and really funny I think he should get even tighter pants okay that's my two cents goodbye !!!! <33333333

TFA Angry Archer

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Emp-Ire “The King.”

“I am starting to think that the oracle was screwing with us.”

“Silence!” One of the men barked, clapping Ramirez across the back of the head with an open palm. Ramirez jerked forward with a grunt of pain, and seeing that, Adam was having the sudden, sneaking suspicion that…. Everything wasn’t what it seemed to be.

At first, the whole thing had screamed of elaborate tourism. Let the tourists show up and think they are going on some cool quest, and then make them overpay to meet with some lady who was just super high, but the way these men were acting…

Adam was beginning to agree with Ramirez.

If their adventure as Sheriff’s deputies had been real then wasn’t there all the likelihood that this was real as well? Just because you show up to someplace exotic doesn't mean it was designed like that to amuse you. He wouldn’t take a hop and a skip over to Japan and just assume that the different customs there were an elaborate ploy to get money off of tourists….

Well maybe on Earth that sort of thing could totally happen, but looking at these men…. Their physiques, their clothing,their weapons, and the very real, point of their spears, he was becoming aware that maybe they had stumbled on something a lot more serious than they had first thought.

Shit.

He seemed to have a habit of doing things like that.

He glanced around at the small contingent of men who walked with them. As he had noticed before each and every one of them was absolutely shredded, not necessarily in the bodybuilder kind of way, but in a way that made it clear these guys never skipped leg day, arm, day or cardio. 

Adam and Ramirez were no slouches; by comparison, both of them hitting the gym at least five times a week for an hour at least, but in comparison?

And of course they didn’t hide it either. 

Each of the men carried a massive circular shield and spears taller than they were. They had on sandals with greaves and simple leather wraps, most of them were bare chested, though their commanding officer wore a breastplate, all of them wore helmets.

“Laconia!” 

His sudden exclamation startled the man as well as Ramirez, 

“Shit, I just realized why that sounded familiar.”

One of the men turned to look at his commanding officer, “I do not think they are Athenians, sir.” He glanced back at Adam, “Too dumb.”

The other men laughed at his expense. Adam frowned, “Sorry my knowledge of ancient greek geographical locations isn’t up to snuff.”

He was silenced with another slap to the head, and with his ears ringing and one eye fuzzy, he finally accepted that this was, in fact, not a joke. Somehow, for some reason that dumbass oracle had sent them out to get potentially sacrificed by a group of Neospartans, and he doubted they were going to be able to sue for damages.

It took almost the whole day to make it to “Sparta” itself, though he became aware of their approaching closeness when small dwellings began appearing on the edge of fields. It was only when he figured out that Spartans needed to eat too that he realized not ALL of them were going to be big buff badasses. Of course, that was until he saw the farmer pulling the plow, who was in fact Hercules’s cousin on his father Zeus’s side.

Okay so maybe things were a bit different.

He was under the impression back during the age of real Sparta, a lot of spartan citizens were just normal people and it was only a select few who were turned into warriors. Women, while they had some rights than in other places, were still expected to stay home and take care of things while the men were off at war. She had to be strong, but that was only because she was expected to raise spartan sons, or something like that. He couldn’t remember exactly how that sort of thing worked, he wasn’t a historian. For all he knew Spartan women were just as shredded as the men.

A truth that seemed apparent for thee spartans because, as they made it to the next little farming house, a woman turned to look at them and damn it was like the Amazons met the spartans. She wasn’t particularly tall by anyone’s standards, but she looked like did mixed martial arts for a living.

He had no doubt she could probably kick his ass.

Ramirez had gone rather silent as he looked around  nodding to himself every so often as they were dragged through the outlying villages and farms, and eventually up a set of stone steps leading into a city which was surrounded by lush medeteranian hills and grasslands on either side.

The city itself was no slouch either. It wasn’t as artistically expressive as New Athens had been, ut there was no shortage of statues, and interesting architecture. Walking down the street, everyone they met was shredded or well on their way to becoming so. The men, the women, everyone but the children.

He noticed a few differences from ancient histories, including but not limited to the fact that the women were just as armored as the men, the many races and ethnicities, and the strange assortment of modern day dogs that roamed the place, which he thought was a strange addition.

A line of marching soldiers passed by wearing their red and gold, and as they went Ramirez turned his head to follow them, “Welp, I am pretty sure I had a dream like this once.”

“Did you dream include us dying horribly?”

“Does being crushed between someone's thighs count?”

Adam sighed and rolled his eyes to the heavens, “how can you be thinking like that at a time like this?”

“How can you not, I am scared and way turned on and it is the most confusing feeling I have ever had in my life…. Aren't you just a little?”

Adam frowned and was surprised to find that, “No, he didn’t think so. He was JEALOUS of plenty of these men, but none of the men or women caught his eye in that way, at least he didn't think so.”

Ramirez stared at him and shook his head sadly.

“What?”

“Still thinking about your breakup huh?”

“No I’m not.”

“Quiet.” One of the men hissed raising a hand to backhand one of them, though he stopped as a voice called out from before them.

“Captain NIcos, you have returned from your patrol.”

It was a woman’s voice this time, and as they looked up an armored figure stepped down from the steps to the columned temple. She wore a bright golden breastplate, knee length red skirt and golden greaves and bracers. An attendant at her shoulder carried her Helm, though she kept hold of her spear and circular shield. She was at least six feet tall and had a body like the she hulk though her face was exceptionally beautiful as well, with large brown eyes and full lips. 

The man raised his spear to her, “Queen Xanthia.”

The man around them raised their spears as well.

She stepped forward over the stone, “What have you found here.” She used the tip of her spear to reach under Ramirez’s chin and tilt his head back, “Athenians?’

“They say they are ‘from Athens, but not “Athenian.” Captain Nicos said shoving Adam forward so he tripped and fell to his knees on the hard stone.

She grunted and turned her attention to him, tilting his head back to look at her, “Is this true, not-an-Athenian.”

He crinched away from the blade of her spear, “I’m Mericandian actually, Terran, Earthling.”

There were a couple grunts of surprise from around the group.

“Tourists.” Ramirez piped in.

Xanthia frowned, raising her chin, “And how did you end up on Laconia. We don’t encourage tourists here.” 

“Would you believe it if I said that asshole of an oracle sent us here.” He raised his hands, “We meant no disrespect of course, we just came here to see the sights and then leave.”

Ramirez nodded.

There was another muttering from the crowd. She had an eyebrow raised, “The oracle you say?”

The two of them nodded again, not sure where this was going.

She turned her head to Captain Nicos, “Keep a close eye on them, I will speak with the king”

She turned on her heels and walked off, passing through the double doors with a swish of her red cloak, leaving the two of them still kneeling on the rough stone.

They turned to look at each other in nervous confusion, not entirely sure where this was going. Overhead the sky had dimmed to a dull blue and torches were being lit all up the city streets. The young man who was doing the lighting had the look of a classic greek hero with tight curly hair and a body borrowed from a demigod.

The two of them didn’t say anything until the doors opened and the queen walked back out, “The king wishes to see the intruders.”

Two guards held the doors opened as they were forced to their feet and up the steps. The interior of the room was bare and blunt, no more than stone pillars and a single uncomfortable throne carved out of sharp marble blocks, on which sat the manliest man he had likely ever seen. Xanthia walked over and sat in the identical throne next to him, and together it seemed as if they were being pulled before the throne of the very gods themselves.

This man was godlike, but not the kind of overly muscled where he can't even touch his own head. This was probably what peak human performance looked like with a neatly shaved beard and thick dark hair. Adam glanced over at Ramirez again, to see the other man was nodding in great approval of this development. He turned his head back to the man who stood very slowly, his armor clinking. He wore a short sword on one hip and carried a spear in one hand, and when he moved, he moved with the grace of someone who knew exactly what he was doing, and where his body was at all times.

He walked down the steps and looked the two of them over with steely golden eyes, like those of a wolf.

His gaze fell on Adam for a long hard moment, “I see we have been graced by the presence of a foreign general.” He said turning back and stepping up the stone steps.

There was a murmuring in the room around them.

Adam blinked in surprise, “You know who I am.”

The Spartan king stood before his seat, but did not sit down, “Well of course.”

He held up his arm so Adam could see the scrolling holographic image across his wrist, “Just because I live like a spartan doesn’t mean I subjugate my life to not knowing what goes on in the universe. In fact as King it is my duty to know what important developments are being made in this galaxy.”

He turned his head to look at Adam ,���I am loyal to this galaxy and the ideals upon which humanity has befriended aliens.” He walked across the stone, “And you Admiral Vir  are an important linchpin in that model.”

He turned to wave a hand at Ramirez, “And of course I know a Marine when I see one.”

Another muttering from around the room.

So, this is sort of not what he expected. The Spartan king was well versed in intergalactic politics, and was no slouch intellectually either.

“So, you’ll let us go then.”

The man did not smile, but the way his eyes twinkled, almost menacingly did not give Adam much hope.

“Oh I never said that.” He turned and paced back in the other direction, “You see, Admiral, I have become aware of an unfortunate pattern in humanity’s political history, and this includes the fall of empires due to poor or weak leaders.” he turned on the spot, “I had given up hope in being able to influence the intergalactic stage, but finding you here has…. Given me an idea.”

Oh no.

“I want to see just what kind of men are being tasked with keeping this galaxy together. I want to know if you can do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. I want to make sure that my people are in good hands, when their good is out of mine.”

“What are you talking about.”

“I want to make sure you are a brave leader, and that you can fight when is necessary.”

He made a motion with his hands and Ramirez was dragged off to the side.

A group of Spartans stepped up and grabbed Adam around the arms hauling him to his feet.

“Bring him to the training field.” The king said, and the group of men dragged him forward and out the doors.

Adam tried to protest but he was silenced as he was dragged from the doors, down the walkway and into a large lit arena with a sandy dirt floor. A large group of men were practicing here with their spears and shields, but cleared off as soon as an order was barked.

“What are you doing!” Adam demanded

“Consider this your greek trial, Admiral.” The king said taking his own spear and tossing it to Adam, who caught it in one hand, “Fight, and let’s see what you can do.” “But I-”

He was handed a shield, and then the group began to pull back.

The king stepped up onto the arena wall and paced down it’s length, “Lets see if you can beat one of my men first, and we will go from there.”

He motioned a hand and ordered one of the younger men forward. He couldn’t have been that old and was not nearly as well put together as the others, but he held his spear and shield with some confidence.

Ok…. this was going to get interesting.

He knew there was nothing he could do to stop them, so Adam dropped into a crouch.

The shield felt awkward and heavy on his arm, but the spear was a familiar weight. They circled for a short time before the boy came charging at him. He could see what the king was doing. This boy was young and had probably trained repeatedly in drills but had never sued weapons in practice..

He was meant to be easy to beat.

Adam stepped to the side and caught the boy’s foot sending him staggering away. Adam used the shield to knock him further off balance and sent him plowing into the dirt.

No one made a sound.

It wasn’t that impressive. That was SUPPOSED to be easy.

“So at least you have SOME training.” The king called. Overhead a shooting star crossed over the heavens. A crowd trickled onto the stands of the arena.

He motioned someone else forward. She too was young, but the set of her face and a scar down her right cheek showed that she had at least SEEN combat at some point. The way she eyed Adam told him that she knew what she was doing.

Her problem?

She was likely to set i nher fighting abilities, not creative enough. He traded a couple of strikes with her, gaging her ability before making his move. He used his shield as a distraction to cover some of his movement so she couldn't see, and then sent a lightning fast jab. He struck a hit hard on the side of her helmet sending her plowing to the Arena floor.

Still no one made a sound.

The king nodded slowly and motioned someone else forward.

This man was an actual soldier, though likely no great shakes, but at least he knew what he was doing. Adam ended up in a sharp flurry of contact before the shield got in his way and he almost took a hard blow to the shoulder , even so he ended up with a delicate cut along the side of his cheek. It was only by way of quick thinking that he was able to duck under one of the swipes and kick the man hard in the sternum. He went flailing back into the dirt, and Adam couldn’t help but whisper to himself.

“And this is sparta bitch.”

The kind paced around him in a wide circle, “So, someone has trained you in the use of the spear.”

Adam growled, “I was trained to fight aliens with four arms, so you are going to have to try harder.”

The king smiled, “Confidence…. Always a good sign. But the shield, I think you have not been trained to use one of those.”

Adam paused nodded, and then threw the shield to the ground kicking it away.

He took the spear up in two hands, in a distinctly different style from the spartans, “Well, come on then.”

WIth the shield gone and his switch back to using a spear like he had been trained he defeated the next three challenges with relative impunity. It was only when the king stared adding extra fighters did Adam struggle.

They clashed hard, Adam ducking dodging and sometimes jumping over swings from his opponents. He dived into the dirt, rolled onto his back and caught two spears as they hurtled down at him. He kicked one in the side of the knee and he went down. Adam lunged for the hit, spun on the spot and caught the second spear as it came down for him again. He brought the but of his spear up and hit the woman in the face before spinning back in the other direction, dodging an oncoming jab and slammed his spear into the back of his opponent’s head sending them sprawling to the ground.

He was breathing heavily now but he could see and hear some of the men and women muttering in surprise.

The king nodded, “This is heartening, I must say. It seems as if our leaders CAN fight.”

Someone was motioned forward and he was handed a rag to wipe his face and a canteen of water. He drank greedy wiping his mouth and tossing the leather skin back to the young woman who had brought it to him.

“But I think I do see one deficiency.”

He took a waiting spear from one of his followers, waved off a shield and stepped into the ring.

Men and women all around the circle leaned forward in anticipation. Adam readied himself.

The king stepped forward.

Adam could already tell this wasn;t going to be easy.

He was already tired, the kind was fresh.

But still he was ready, the two men circled and then Adam lunged forward in the way the Drev had taught him, The king batted it away and they made an exchange. The man didn’t try to attack him, but seemed content on seeing what Adam could do. Their engagement must have lasted for thirty minutes as they clashed, the king slowly escalating over that time. The longer they went the more energized the other man became. Adam thought if he could just hold out until the other man grew tired as well, then maybe he would have an upper hand.

But it never happened.

Adam gasped for air.

Even after what must have been thirty minutes of continual engagement, the other man only seemed to be breathing steadier and more deeply. All together they had been fighting longer and harder than all of the other previous engagements put together, and still the man was not tired. Adam watched as the man specifically did not take openings that should have killed Adam.

He knew he was trying to make some sort of point.

Adam was breathing in ragged gasps now. He had never been so tired in all his life, he came in for a lunge he knew was sloppy, and his spear was kicked from his hand. A sandals foot hit him in the chest and he went down choking. The king stood over him nodding, “I am impressed by your skill” He turned and waved to the crowd, “You could match any man or woman here hand to hand in a fair fight, but you do have one deficiency.”

Adam gulped and panted.

The king crouched next to him, “No stamina.”

He stood again, “You train with my men tomorrow, and so does your marine. We will make Spartan’s out of you yet!”

Adam gasped coming to his knees, “Wait… but I-”

“You came here for vacation, and I am sorry to inform you that will not be so. You will not be leaving until I am satisfied our galaxy is in the Best hands.”

Adam stood crawling to his feet with great effort.

The king even smiled at him this time, which seemed strange to him somehow. He held out a hand and Adam took it, “A pleasure to fight with you Admiral, I am James king of the Spartans.”

Adam frowned, “James?’ Not Kyros or something?”

“I was born in the northern provinces of Mericanda, of course I don’t have a greek name.”

He clapped Adam on the shoulder and then walked off joined by his queen and their entourage as he shouted orders vanishing into the night.

Adam stared after him.

So, the king of Sparta was Canadian? 

[storiesbyl1ck]

Dinner Time

I stare at my plate - a mixture of undesirable flavors - flourished in this meal that sat before me. I looked up, my mother stared at me her eyes pressing - deep into my skull. The pressure made my head grow heavy;  I looked down to my plate again, trying to release the tensity that began building in my neck from her deep pupils: I knew they were deep - when I looked into them they never seemed to reach to her soul. Just a dark abyss of emptiness. When you look into someone's eyes a connection is formed - a Spiritual Serpent sways in both bodies’ eyes, a captivating dance; everyone with there own unique spiral that attracts specific individuals. This is the dance of connection - it manifests a bond between someone. Our spiritual serpents were not dancing; they never have. She was my mother and somehow I always felt that it was not swaying in a spotlight but hunting in the dark. Waiting to strike me with its venom. I could feel it: Feel its moist tongue push against my forehead.

I stared into the heap of assorted vegetables, meats, and grains that waited to be ingested. I folded my fingers around the tip of the fork - twirling on the tips of my pointer finger: It mocked a ballet dance, but without the human touch. More like a puppet - the only thing I could control in this room. The repetitive dance grew old and its spiky ends began to cut at my skin; I rotated the fork into my palm with the readiness to take a bite of my dinner. 

My eyes rolled up to my mom; staring at me. Her grin was almost like a slit between her nose and chin. I’d never seen a smile between her cheeks; so I only assumed it was makeup - just dressed for the act. My fork dug into the plate - the metal scraped across the porcelain; that sound, that sharp sound that cut at your ear drum, that no mortal could listen to without flinching there eyelids and crinching. It reminded me of her smile. I filled the fork and slowly moved it towards my lips. I felt the heat crawl up my nose. The metal poked into the crevice between my lips. My mouth opened - without hesitation; guess it was ready to endure what came soon after. 

Its flavor was a sour taste that had similarities to the smell of sulfur. My face gave off the taste of an awful meal. I gagged as the -mushy combination - of saliva and vegetables slipped down my throat. I reached for my glass but her sand dune hands pulled it out of my reach - she waved her finger side to side: if she was a robot they would’ve cracked and scratched as her sprocket joints rolled within her rusty chain tendons. 

“Don’t want to fill up on water.” She spoke softly, an excited tone in her voice made me think that her smile was real - just not of happiness. I retracted my hand to my thighs and took another bite; the taste was stronger now, my eyes flicked up while my lips wrapped around my teeth. The flavor stained my tongue. The muscles in my throat tightened - they were saying no - but I had refused to leave it on my tongue as the taste began to make me tear. It went down hard. I pushed the plate away from my forks reach but I had already had enough. One bite would’ve done it; two just made the effects stronger - more painful. My grip around the fork grew loose. A sensation of numbing grew from my stomach like ink in a pool of water. Quick and smooth - spreading through my body as if it was its own, Like I had no defense against it. I jumped out of my chair: trying to run from the monster that gave me this pain. Maybe I could escape my torturous doom. 

Within a few steps I crumbled to the carpet below me, it was soft; the closet thing I had ever had to a hug. And now death was the closest thing I had to a kiss. My lungs jerked and pulled out of me dry coughing; which threw out the liquid I never wanted to see out of my body. The paint that painted the inside of me: I did not want it to paint my crime scene. She stood next to me, staring down at me with a satisfaction of her work. My heart cried out to slow down but I was not running, and yet it pumped like I was being chased. My body fell flat until the floor -  soulless. She squatted down close to me and whispered,

“Enjoy your dinner?”

[findswoman]

Return Again

A Zeb vignette, in which he revisits Lasan after the siege. A belated birthday gift for @fuzzydemolitionsquad, with all best wishes. Also on AO3. Many thanks to Raissa_Baiard for beta-reading.

It was the soil that did it.

Not that the sights from the Phantom’s viewport hadn’t already brought him to his knees, and not just figuratively. Even the first brief glimpse of the once-familiar purple-bronze glow in the sky (it was just dusk, local time) had almost been too much for him. Then there had been that horrible, sickening feeling of blankness, emptiness, goneness that had seized him the moment the cliffs had hove into view—the charred, blunted cliffs. The rubble-choked valleys. The gaping expanses of thirst where the lakes used to be. The crumbled, moldy ruins of Lasan’s once-magnificent capital—his hometown. A landscape that had been torn asunder into its component parts, just as its people had been—

No. Mustn’t. He’d staggered against the bulkhead and turned away.

But it was the soil that really did it.

Even on Lasan itself there was nothing like the fine, siliceous, lilac-gray soil of the cliffs surrounding the capital. The cliffs that themselves were home, where he had gone on many a childhood adventure, many a bracing climb, many a maneuver with the Honor Guard. And now, once again, with each step, that same soil was making that same silky crinch-crunch under his footpads—pressing chalkily up between his toes—rubbing itself into his fur. Yeah, there was a reason his people never wore those silly things called shoes!

And the scent of that soil! The scent that for years he only knew from the little sack of dust he kept hidden at the back of his gear locker in his quarters—now rising from his every footfall. The scent of home—

He sank to his knees; the soil crunched around them, too. Karabast, why?! Why had he come back here in the first place?!… 

Well… he knew why, and there was no real use denying it. Hera had told him that the Ghost would be passing near the Coreward edge of Wild Space en route to their next mission. And she had looked at him in that searching, meaningful way of hers—and even though he wasn’t some kind of mystic like Kanan or Ezra or old Chava, he could read in his commander’s face what she was going to ask him: shall we make a detour to—to—(come on, be an Honor Guard and say it to yourself!)—to Lasan?

He didn’t know if it had been something in her voice, or something in her eyes—but, like a karking fool, he had said yes.

So here he was. Alone—he’d made sure of that—this was no one else’s business, after all. Alone, gazing upward at his broken cliffs, peering outward toward his dead city. Alone with the soil. The soil that would not stop grinding into his feet and legs and knees, entering every pad and joint and nail even though he wasn’t moving. As if to say, hey, remember me? I’m the reason your people don’t wear those silly things called shoes…

No, karabast, NO! He was captain of the Lasan High Honor Guard and an officer of the Alliance to Restore the Republic and there was no way in the Bogan’s own Chaos he was going to—

Too late. He sank down—all the way to the ground, this time—and lay there, letting the silky violet grit envelop him. Deeply he inhaled its scent, pressing his face to it so that it coated his cheek and beard. And there he stayed, as the purple-bronze dusk slunk away into night: a son once more in his mother’s arms, a lover once more in his beloved’s embrace. ¶

[randomnessunicorn-imagine]

Heya ! Hope ur fine ~ soo i made many ask about some sibling imagine. But, never even some real ask on the relation between the character and sibling itself. Frist questions ! A teen!reader, ut,uf grillby, ut, us muffet, are they more like a sibling relation, or a parent/child kinda relation ? And some headcanon maybe ? Be safe, have a nice day/night bybye ~♡

{ Awww~Some cute moments with these cuties 💖  }

✴️ Tale! Grillby ;

Secretly, he has always dreamt having a child but, because of his job, he has never found the time or his special person. He treats you most like a child than a sibling. He’s just like one of those first- time enthusiastic father even if he has no idea how to treat a kid since he has no experiences. Luckily, you are a teenager so you are bigger and he has not to change diapers or feed you with the baby bottle. Yeah, that’s luck-!

For when you go to school, he always prepares a packed lunch giving you all the recommendations a good father gives to his children. He always speaks with the teachers for knowing how his kid goes and he cares a lot about your instruction. 

Since he’s alone, he has to be a father and a mother at the same time, so he has to do all the jobs alone and it’s quite tiring. Sometimes, when he’s so busy with his job he will ask to Muffeto to babysitting you (even if you are a teenager you need assistance and you cannot do whatever you want). Then, she’s a good baby-sitter and she knows how to trait children even if you are not a baby spider she will do a good job and everything will be fine!

He’s the proud father who wants to assist to every match his son/daughter does, and he cares about your health so he will sign you to some sport clubs (and you are not allowed to say no). He has the excuse to cheer you up during every sport events. You can hear him screaming your name and exulting raising his foam finger. You would feel so embarrassed after this like every teenagers who see their own parents go crazy.

Sundays are the day dedicated to the Family and you and him will pass all the day doing barbeques, playing games at the park like a happy family. You can invite all the friends you want and he adores preparing barbeques, it’s his speciality.

✴️ Fell! Grillby ;

Grill wants to be defined more like an uncle than a sibling or a father. Uncle’s role is freer and easier. He does not want children and brats in his way and he does not possess all that patience to handle them. He’s the kind of uncle you see maximum two or three times in a month and he has his job to carry on so he has no time to dedicate to persons in general. He has never dreamt to be a father because he wants to live his life without bothers. He loves his philandering life so much!

You are the one who have to go to him for some advices or a normal bar’s conversation and it’s rare he comes visiting you at your home. Since he considers you like his nephew he can make some discount but not very often so don’t get used to it. 

Sometimes, when he feels particularly gentle, you will find your favourite meal on his counter without he says anything. Everything is already prepared and you have only to eat. You don’t know how he already knew of your arrival, you don’t need to know, just have fun!

Despite you’re a teenager he will offer you some alcohol and he thinks you are not a baby and you should start (yes, he’s not exactly a responsible uncle). Just pretend to drink and then you throw away the alcohol in a plant or something. If he does not see, he won’t be angry.

Since this world is so infamous and he’s not your bodyguard, actually nobody truly hates him and he does not have so many enemies (in the game usually the NPC can’t die so I suppose he can’t be killed normally). You have to protect yourself so he will sign you in a kickboxing course and you will become just like Tyson. Yes, he wants to be your coach, it’s one of his hidden dream.

✴️ Tale! Muffet ;

She’s obviously a mother and you are her precious child. It’s a shame (or maybe not) that you are a teenager because she wanted to give you the spider education. Do you remember Tarzan who was educated by monkeys? Yes, imagine you’ve been educated by a spider mom. She would have taught you how to build spider webs, feeding you with insects and little animals. Aw, that’s something so beautiful but you are too old but you are still her child.

Sometimes, question about the food she gives you. Yes, their sweets are the best and there are no other desserts more delicious than hers in the Underground (maybe only Toriel’s can be compared), but you don’t know the ingredients she uses…But if it’s any consolation, insects are full of vitamins and they are present in so many Asian country’s diets. Just enjoy the meal!

Since you are the bigger brother/sister, you have to take care of her baby spiders because they’re too little and they need assistance. You’ll do the spider-sitter any time Muffet is too busy with her job but you don’t have to worry because she speaks to her babies telling them not to eat you.

Muffet will teach you her dessert’s recipes (this time she will use normal ingredients), and you and her can cook together passing some family moments and she’s a very sweet and caring mom.

Here in the Underground there’s no the mother’s day, it’s a typical human celebration. You will fill her soul with joy and pride if you would write a letter to her saying that she’s the best mom of the world and all these sweets words, she will be so touched. You can even spoiled her during this day since she’s always the one who looks after you children and she has so many responsibilities. For once, she can relax since it’s her day.

✴️Swap! Muffet ;

She sees herself like a generous and cute aunt, the one who always spoils her nephews. Sometimes, she’s a little exaggerated and she could ask you those annoying questions every aunts ask like: “Are you engaged now? What’s their name? And when are you going to marry? Are you thinking about some little kids? Yes, the most embarrassing questions and you are still a teenager but it does not matter. Be ready for the crinch!

Muffet is also the kind of aunt who loves squeezing your cheeks and she’s got eight arms so you should wear a cheek’s protector made of titan.

She will spoil you with sweets and desserts until you will explode, and you are always invited to her local, it’s like a second home for you. Some of her desserts have your same name, you are still her special nephew so it’s normal she wants to spend a lot of time with you and she loves you so much!

Sometimes, she will be so busy with her job and she could ask you to help her. You can work in her café gaining some money, and she truly needs some assistance. It sounds like a recommendation but shhh…

You can consider all her spider kids like your cousins and they don’t even try to attack you, I correct myself: they will attack you with hugs like there’s no tomorrow because they know you are under the protection of their mom so they will become your friends. 

[cringeoncrack-blog]

Crinch Tranzlayshyons (Cringe Translations) #6.5

The Mirror (Cringe Complete)

“oh sod off potter!” draco icescreamed his voice strained from the shear amount of diss dress the other boy wasis giving him . “just leave me alone i havent done anything 2 u ever since the war ended- FUCC iive been avoiding u ! y csnt u leave me alone ?!

Harry is offended by the accusation, harry shoved draco rally quickly in2 a empty classroom . apparently potta pushed malfoy harder than he expected and landed in the floor hard. “THATS exactly y ! u havent ssaid a singular word since the dam end of the war! U didnt even say a single insult to me and my friends- MERLON! ITS SO STRANGER THINGS R U LIK ALL RIGHT i H8 2 SAY THIS BUT I MS HAVEING OUR ALWAYS BANTERING TALKS!1!1!1!1

draco glanced up in the griffindors direction confuzzled but than became angry bc we realized that harry could hav jist initiated a normal conversation instead, instead of egging him on2 fan the fire in his flame.

the slitherin wuz bouts to insult something back at potter when a black shadow floo over harrys face,he was looking in the miroir in the rooms back. he stopped before speecking ‘wat do u ceeee…~~~ boi?”

raisin his iBrowns in shookth, dracookie mentality questioning his sexuality- if haiory seeded a knew pear of eye glass pieces- or not, thats completely up 2 u, the reader of coarse !!111！！1 but the Q was innocent enuff sew he responded “its a mirrohr potta wat elsa can it be c u n mii ?”

not wanting snake boi to no the real truth, hairy looked again at the reflectif surfaice nd ⇠ the room, but before he left he spoke the words “ sore ting goes scrhat malfoy … take a magnfyeing glasses and stare at the mirror . u might just understood the puzzling puzzle . its not puzzling at all . ”

stilts not so shire aboot what it's all meaning to B drakiepop turned bacque to sea da mirroir & buffl’d 2 c the site b4 him .Despite already saw his future boitoy physed août of the ron the snek stilts seasa the shame ting ass bf :  me an hAriry 2gether oIc!1!1!1!

un fish Fin

[randomnessunicorn-imagine]

I'm watching public proposal video as I type. UT Pap Burgerpants, Fell bros and react to s/o propose to them in public, will they run away?

{ Awww~Yeah, there’s also Burgerpants, he’s the absolute king, I’m still waiting for Burgertale! }

📣 Pappy ~

You know he’s very romantic and fluff but he’s also so timid and insecure despite he always appears so confident and enthusiastic but he’s still a naïve skeleton. He would not use a date’s manual if he was able to behave with persons properly and sometimes he’s confused even after have read that manual. Maybe he has read too much theories but he did not do a lot of practice. You and Papyrus are dating from some months but he has not already confessed his love sentiment to you and he keeps defining you as “special friend”, “the greatest friend”, “the friend he cares the most”, and you are not so sure about what he means with these definitions and it’s like he’s friendzoning you. Sometimes, he lost himself in your eyes appearing like a sort of idiot, and you find him so cute all the times. Then, you understand you have to do the first move because he’s not going to declare first and he’s too timid and confused. You are very sure about what you feel and you cannot live in this mess for so long.You propose to Papyrus a date in the MTT’s Resort because it’s a romantic and familiar place and you know Papyrus is a fan of that robot so the skeleton, when you propose to him this date, becomes euphoric that he’s unable to contain himself. It’s a dream, the perfect date!The date goes very well and Papyrus seems so happy and relaxed, he speaks to you about his last days of trainings and he’s doing so many progresses but he’s so great so it’s oblivious his results are as great as him. You smile to him, and you are impatience to confess to him your truth.Then, you stand up revealing you have something important to say and everyone here has to listen to you. Papyrus gets curious and he follows you with his eyes full of surprise while you are reaching the stage. There, you take the microphone; the lights become dimmed, you start to sing an Ed Sheeran’s song to Papyrus because you know he appreciates a lot all this romanticism. «Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song. », you keep looking him in the eyes while you’re singing, it’s a true declaration of love and Papyrus is left speechless. «I have faith in what I see now I know I have met an angel in person. » yes, Papyrus is your angel and you have promised to yourself you would have protected him with your life, nothing matter more than him! In the meantime you sing, Papyrus starts crying for the emotion like a little baby.«And he looks perfect. I don’t deserve this, you look perfect tonight~» at the end of the song you say you love him so much and you could not find a more special way to declare your feelings to him. Papyrus is still crying and he screams that he loves you so much and it’s the greatest gift he has ever received.

📣 Burgerpants ~

You know very well he’s not a positive person and he often complains about life, saying how it’s difficult and harsh with every human beings but, in particular, it’s been so cruel with him and he’s just a cat, he did not do anything wrong in his existence.  Maybe you are his only light who illumines his turbid path and you treat him with respect and affection, he thinks he does not deserve this special treatment but you keep saying to him that’s not true and you love him because he’s funny, gentle, cute and he’s a cat. This is the supreme point!One day, you invite him to have a date with you at MTT’s Resort even if Burgerpants does not appreciate that place so much because it makes him remember of his boss and that job is too tedious and horrible to him. It’s like a nightmare he wants to forget!You have a specific plan in your mind and this last period he’s been too stressed, you just want to demonstrate all the love you feel for him, that you adore him despite the low self-esteem he got, and you are ready to help and support him every moment of his life. You want to spend the rest of the eternity with him but you are afraid of all his insecurities, he has to understand he’s worthy and he’s so extraordinary. Burgerpants is having fun with you this night and he feels so lucky you are so sweet and kind and you are able to love him despite his eternal complains and any other persons would have already left him alone but you possess all the patience of this world!Then, you say that you have to do something and he can wait for you here so he nods without asking anything else. You are directed to the stage and Burgerpants is confused but he just thinks you want to exhibit singing some songs but you are not going to sing anything, this time.All the people in the restaurant have their eyes pointed at you and you start speaking. You say that you are here this night with your lover, the person you love the most and these Shakespeare’s verses you are going to recite are dedicated to him.«Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer’s lease hath all too short a date:Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,And often is his gold complexion dimm’d; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d; But thy eternal summer shall not fade Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,When in eternal lines to time thou growest: So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,So long lives this and this gives life to thee.»After this, Burgerpants is shocked… Have you dedicated a Shakespear’s poem to him for real? How can it be possible? He would not deserve neither the last poem of the last poet. If the poetry has not been explicatory enough, you continue saying that you love him so much and he’s so much more than what he thinks. Then, he starts crying while all the audience is applauding you, encouraging your love.

📣 Reddy ~

You and Sans are together for several months and he’s the one who is most surprised since he had some doubts you could tolerate him for all this time.This last period, your mind is full of thoughts and there is a particular thing you want to confess to Sans but you never find the way or the right moment. This thing is so serious and important because it regards your future with him, this is not a decision so easy to take and you have to be sure he’s ready as well. You know he loves you so much even if he never says those words and he’s quite uncomfortable to show his true feelings. He’s such an ambulant crinch but you love him anyway despite his oddness.You and him are dating to Grillby’s like your usual and maybe it’s the time to confess it to Sans, you are tired and nervous, you need to open up with him.After the dinner, you get up from your seat going to the stage of the karaoke, Sans looks at you confused and he did not think you were the type to sing a song.Then, you start to talk, greeting the audience. You say you are glad to be here this night and you are going to confess something very important everybody has to hear. Sans is too worried because this audience is not as gentle as you think and they are going to launch you tomatoes if you don’t run away. Everyone is laughing at you, screaming to shut the fuck up.No, it’s not the right place and moment and a public declaration in this Underground is not exactly the safer and easier thing, maybe you have to change your plan before someone starts a fight and you find yourself dunking of tomatoe’s sauce. Sans is getting more worried and you can perceive his discomfort so you get out of the stage and he asks to you what the hell do you have in mind doing something like it. You should know the more you are hidden the more you survive in this hell. Then, when you and him come back home, you explain what you had in mind but you have lost your mind a little too much. You confess you just love him so much and maybe you were blinded by it. Sans becomes as red as those tomatoes that have not been launched and he’s unable to speak so you two stare to each other like two idiots. Two adorable idiots, anyway.

📣 The Edge Lord ~

Since you are Papyrus’ mate and he’s one of the most fearsome monsters here, none has the courage to mess with you so you are quite free but you have to be still careful and the danger is always under the corner.You are one of the only people who is able to appreciate him despite his arrogance and egocentrism and it’s a miracle itself. Actually, you put a lot of effort to handle and convince him to love you since he’s too stubborn and full of himself and it seems he was unable to love some other person who was not his own self. You realized it was not true and he can be soft when he cares about a person, in his odd ways but you know it’s not his fault if he’s born in a shitty society like this. You want to live a calmer life with him without battles, wars and worries and you want him to know it. He has never said those three words to you and he’s too proud but you can understand he feels the same and he truly loves you.One day, you and him decide to go out to dinner and it’s the perfect moment to explain your true sentiment to Papyrus. You don’t have so many problems and the crowd remains quite while you are talking because everyone here fears Papyrus and they want to live so they shut up.You confess to him that he’s your hero and you have never met a courageous and strong person as him in your life. You are not saying it to pump his ego but you truly mean it. You are happy and proud being his mate and you hope you and him can be like this forever.Your words are full of love and it’s the first time in the Underground these kind of words have been heard. Papyrus does not comment because he’s a little embarrassed but he thinks you have been so brave saying it in front of a ferocious audience like it and he feels the same to you. He will confess you his thoughts when you are alone because he has to keep his badass aura; it’s useful if you want to stay alive. He’s so glad and he needed hearing this from you.