#just overall misery and very bad i'm sorry

[carb0n-m0n0xid3]

Mouthvasihng Yap

because my stupid brain wont let me live without this, im gonna make a recap (and other stuffs) of everything in mouthwashing. PLEASE tell me if i get anything wrong.

[color-coded to cure my autism :3]

CHARACTERS •Anya- beloved nurse (Top left) •Daisuke- optimistic intern (Top middle) •Swansea- mechanic of the ship (Top right) •Curly- the captain (Before: bottom left. After: bottom middle) •Jimmy- co-captain (or captain in command I believe) (Bottom right) So basically the entire game is set off because of Jimmy. You do play as him anyways. He does a very bad thing to Anya [he rapes and impregnates her], so she decides it would be best to tell the captain himself, which she does. Curly then decides he should talk to Jimmy. •QUOTE THAT MAKES ME CRY :D "I'll talk to him"

[THIS REPRESENTS JIMBUS(right) AND CURLY(left)!!] Jimmy does not want to take RESPONSIBILITY (key point in the game) for his actions, for what he did to Anya. He'd rather die than face the consequences. So Jimmy decides to crash the ship into an oncoming asteroid, thinking to save only himself.

(keep in mind on what Anya said as well) I believe Jimmy locked Curly in the cockpit. I am not certain, but it is a possibility. He wanted him to die. He wanted to have no witnesses so he wouldn't be charged of what he did.

But as of now, the entire Tulpar crew is stuck on the ship, just surviving. Anya is the one to care for Curly, giving him painkillers. She doesn't like the job much, becoming uneasy at his moans of pain and overall state of being.

Once, though, she asked Jimmy to give Curly his meds. Jimmy was fed up, but decided to do it. Unfortunately the cruel bum decided to beat him.. After that dialogue you can even hear Curly crying.

Really quick, I just wanna say that this dialogue with Anya and Curly is very interesting. She seems to be the one staring at the pixel, saying "In the back of my mind, it's always there." But Curly, on the other hand, seems not to care much. "I don't think it ruins the illusion though. It's peaceful. But maybe I'm just used to looking at the bigger picture." Interesting that word he says... illusion.

Jimmy just made life miserable on the Tulpar, bringing Anya to her fate. She decided it would be best to just end it all, to rid herself of Jimmy and the burden given to her from him..

Daisuke manages to find out she's "stuck" in medical when actually she locked the door.

IM SORRY, SHE JUST MAKES ME SO SAD D: But anyways, I'm gonna condense the story line a bit now. So in short, Jimbus basically manipulates Daisuke into going into the vents, despite their danger, to save Curly (except he didn't really care, i think).

•QUOTE THAT MAKES ME CRY :D "Anya...? ...what d-did you do?" So Daisuke goes into the vents, proving their danger... He returns bloody and scarred all over his body from the vents. Jimmy decided it was "best" to disinfect the wounds with mouthwash (cuz they "remove 99.99% of germs"), only making them worse. This probably symbolizes the entire Tulpar situation: something really bad happened, so Jimmy tries to FIX IT with something, only making everything worse for everyone. Swansea decides to do the best thing for Daisuke, and uses the emergency fire ax to kill him, essentially putting him out of his misery.

•"It's alright Daisuke. Calm down. ...This line of work. You could never have become like ol' Swansea. What a tragedy." ... •"I thought you were dumber than a can of paint, always just chewing my ear off about nothing. Useless ray of goddamn sunshine." ... •"You coulda taught an old fool like me alot. ..." ... •"Close your eyes, Daisuke." I love Swansea's "speech" to Daisuke, but it makes me so sad :( ANYWAYS, Jimmy goes completely bonkers at the fact that he killed Daisuke. It was a mercy kill, but all he saw was another crew member dead.

Long story short, he decides to kill Swansea. Swansea gives a beautiful speech before dying to him, and I REALLY wanna pick at that, but its quite long.. I might reblog this for it cuz this is already very long. But Jimbus shoots Swansea and returns to Curly (who is somehow still alive). (I am going to skip talking about some scenes)

"We fixed it..." "I... fixed it..."

Jimbo basically takes poor ol' Curly to the utility room and puts him into the cryopod thingy. He says his farewell and shoots himself before Curly is ejected into space, frozen and traveling throughout, lost and unfound.

[glazedsnail]

Ok so, I'm really close to finishing my small fanfic thing and I'm actually happy about how it turned out.

I didn't think of a title for it so I'll go with:

And Misery Loved Company

Title might and will change because I have absolutely no self control and no sense of permanence

I'll post it in chapters and stuff.

This first doesn't really work as a chapter but I thought I'd have to cut it somewhere and be able to give youse a taste?

So here's a sample.

TWs are for the whole work, not this particular sample sorry horns friends.

Stardew Valley fanfic ShanexOCFarmer(Female) 18+ swear words/substance misuse/explicit/suicide ideation/mention of abuse

I’ve been in this town for a few months, and already so much has happened.

I didn’t know the first thing about farming, and now look at me. I wear overalls, a straw hat, I use a pitchfork, sometimes. I have dirt on my hands, my knees, my legs, my arms, my ass. Everywhere really. 

I’m… Moderately successful in the matter of crops and sheep handlings. And I just know my quality wool will one day fetch a very high price on the shelf of some high end stores. If only I could handle those blasted sheep correctly. 

I wanted to give up, like I’d given up so many things before. So many times. But when I managed to spool my own skein of wool, from my very own sheep, I knew I had to keep at it. I cannot wait to start knitting with my very own wool. 

Trust me, this was an even better feeling than when I ate my first omelette made from the eggs of my own chickens. And I do love my chickens! 

Of course, I met a lot of new people. Marnie, for one, is my farm neighbour. She helped me shear my first sheep, and eased me into farm animals ownership. I had never owned anything bigger than a guinea pig. And that guinea pig wasn’t too fond of me anyway. She entrusted me with the care of two sheep and three chickens.

The man who came to deliver my chicks is her nephew. I had met him a handful of times. At the supermarket where he works, at Marnie’s ranch, as he apparently rents a room from her, but mostly at the saloon. We never talked much compared to the others. He wouldn’t let me, and I would let him. At the time.

He wanted to make sure I had a suitable home for the chicks. He didn’t seem too pleased to do the work, to be there, at all. I remember barely getting a “mornin’” when he came in, and he would certainly not stick around for coffee or a chit chat.

I mean, he was completely being his usual self. I wasn’t surprised. The only surprise was that I actually did put the kettle on just in case.

However, once he opened the crate, the man constantly frowning at the bottom of a glass, and who had quite literally told me to “fuck off” was somehow… beaming? He handled the chicks with such tenderness, it almost made me feel bad to buy them off. Suddenly, he was sharing his knowledge of chicken care, making sure I was ready, and showing some incredible kindness towards the three little chicks I had gotten from Marnie.

Everytime he was giving me the brush off, I would remember his kind eyes from that day, and it would give me enough drive to persevere. Maybe too much, definitely too much for his taste. I was persistent, perhaps annoying, absolutely intrusive. When I saw those caring eyes almost close forever, I witnessed the dormant strength hiding within, and I knew.

Today, I’m meeting him at the beach.

I made a pizza from my own flour, with sauce from my own tomatoes. Cheese and pepperoni are from Pierre’s, the grocer, but come on. The base is homemade therefore this is a homemade pizza. And who cares where I got the olive oil, salt, and yeast from…

I have been looking forward to this, hum, evening, I guess. I was going to say “date”. Surprisingly, we did kiss.

Moving to Grandpa’s old farm was in no way a scheme to get me on the dating scene again, not after everything in the city, not after 30. And certainly not with a man as rude as him. Crazy how things can change drastically with time.

The kiss was more a heat of the moment type of thing. I liked it. Though.

He wouldn’t have suggested this picnic at the beach if he wasn’t thinking the same.

I pack my homemade pizza, homegrown dried and fresh hot peppers, a pack of six, and some muffins I made with my own eggs, own flours, and my own seeds. It amazes me how good I am at this farm living thing. I hope Grandpa is watching. Mostly.

The air is still warm, but the leaves have started to fall. I smell the distinct perfume of rain in the distance. Here, so far, the slowly darkening afternoon sky is still clear.

I’m nervous. I feel something I could describe as…this high schooler heading to meet with their crush and spend some time alone for the first time. I gulp. This definitely rings somewhat familiar. I mean, I didn’t put on any of my best underwear though. I’m too old for this.

Damn. Listen to me.

I shake my head to get rid of those idiotic thoughts as I walk past the village waterhole. I wave at the villagers who have now become my friends. Emily points at my basket and I remind her of my dinner plan. She smiles with all her pearly whites while commanding me to wait. She shortly comes back out of the saloon with a mist up tupperware filled with warm pepper poppers, and a bottle of strawberry juice. My favourite.

‘Emily, you shouldn’t have!’

‘Oh Fern, please. It was also Gus’ idea. You must know all we want is the best for you.’ She grins.

‘Pardon?’

She laughs and disappears behind the wooden door. Well. She’s always been a bit of a nutcase. Affectionately though.

When I stand on the sand, I hear Shane over the rolling waves, calling me, and my nervousness instantly disappears. He’s still wearing his work hat, probably came here straight after work. He spreaded a blanket and had started dishing out a bunch of snacks from his bag.

‘Well, we won’t starve!’ I laugh, emptying my basket. As I sit down I see Shane glance at the glass bottle Emily gave me.

‘Is that strawberry juice?’

‘Yeah. Emily gave it to me on my way here. Look, she also gave me these! Compliment of Gus. They’re your favourite aren’t they?’

I smile so hard the corners of my mouth might crack. I’m just comfortable.

‘Y..Yeah’

He obviously is not.

‘Are you ok? What’s that you just rammed in your bag?’

‘Nothing. Is that homemade pizza?’

I’m way too proud to continue probing. I happily remove the cloth from the plate:

‘Pepperoni! Just like you like it.’

He smiles and chuckles, visibly embarrassed.

‘What’s the matter?’ I ask. He quickly glances at his bag. ‘Do you know you still have your work hat on?’

He looks up, grumbles, and removes his hat he tries to put in his bag. Bag now at my arm's length.

‘What are you hiding!’ I say, snatching the surprisingly heavy backpack from him.

‘Fern!’

I pull out two plastic bottles.

‘Joja strawberry juice?’

He quickly grabs his bag back in a groan.

‘But, why were you hiding it?’

‘I know it’s your favourite.’ He sighs. ‘Just wanted to, like, surprise you and be nice is all.’ He frowns, and blushes lightly. ‘I didn’t know this was such common knowledge, and now you’ve been given the nice stuff in a glass bottle and all you probably won’t want my Joja crap.’

I catch myself giggling.

‘What’s so funny?’ He snaps.

‘Shane, that’s incredibly sweet. Thank you.’ I cradle the bottles in my arms like the most cherished present. ‘You know I used to drink these all the time when I was a teen, I’ve not had any in ages. Truth be told I thought they were discontinued.’

He seems to relax a bit.

‘It’s full of crap’ he smiles ‘Maybe it’s gone in the city and they just get rid of it in small towns’.

‘No, they still sell Joja beer everywhere, trust me.’

We laugh, I’m glad he seems a bit more in the moment.

‘You know’ I start ‘Emily’s barmaid, it makes sense she’d know my favourite drink, right?’ He nods in acknowledgement ‘But, knowing your favourite dish? I should be the jealous one.’

His eyes open wide.

‘I…err… It’s not jealousy it’s’

‘I’m just teasing’ I say, gently elbowing him

‘I’m such an idiot.’ He says back, hand on the back of his neck, with a slight smile nonetheless.

‘You’re not an idiot. You’re cute.’

I hand him a slice of pizza I was busy cutting. His cheeks turn bright red and he tries to disappear in his hoodie. I clearly didn’t realise what I said. He eventually clears his throat and grabs the slice with a small ‘thank you’.

[dballzposting]

Sorry I'm posting this video a third time.

This was such an awesome way to introduce them in DBS and I'm not just saying that becasue of Mr Satan's cherry red jacket.

It sets so many things straight for those of us who may have assumed that things were peaceful and rational between them ...

Buu is walking around a dark house and he's fuckingggg hungry and he doesnt know how to find his own food in that huge house so he just stalks around until he finds Mr Satan?

He THROWS the door open unflinchingly into a room of bright lights and cameras and a large audience. Not an uncommon sight and he doesnt care at all.

Buu does not see the significance of this. You may think that by now he might; that he knows of Mr Satan's hobby to appear in front of large groups of people and look nice and tell lies. But he doesn't. This is kind of Mr Satan's whole thing but it means absolutely nothing to Buu.

Most things mean nothing to Buu. He;s fucking hungry

Has Mr Satan ever tried to explain this to Buu?? "Hey when you see the cameras and the people, please just stay out of it"? Did it just not work? Maybe it just made no sense and meant nothing to Buu so Buu just discarded it.

Mr Satan scrambles to cook up a lie in front of everyone. It's a complete falsehood but to Buu standing there it's true enough. Buu would think that something just ~12% true would be true enough becasue he doesnt care. 0% true is true enough becasue he doesnt care AT ALL. He's fucking hungry

Mr Satan is banking on Buu to not deny or correct his story. This is reliable becasue Buu really isn't a stickler for those sorts of truths. The only truth he cares about is how he is feeling NOW as in RIGHT NOW. Fuck yesterday. Fuck a few years ago. Mr Satan can spin any story he wants. And it's not becasue Mr Satan and Buu have had conversations about how important it is that Mr Satan maintain this reputation. They've never talked about that. Mr Satan can say whatever he wants becasue Buu no care.

Mr Satan has to face off with Majin Buu and have a glaring contest. Mr Satan is hoping SO BAD that Buu will just do as he's told, but Buu JUST SAID that Buu hungry and that takes priority clearly. Fuck the audience fuck the cameras fuck what Mr Satan is saying fuck the tremble in Mr Satan's spine. Fuck everything it is like ants and pebbles to Buu. Buu hungry

Buu understands a NO when he hears it but he does not understand WHY and he does not stop being mad. He pushes back until he sees that Mr Satan isn't gonna back down, and at that point he blows steam out of his head to dispel his aggression enough to be able to disengage and turn around and leave. But he's still pissed. Buu stomps away and pauses at the doorway to glare over his shoulder. Fuck Mr Satan. Buu hungry. Buu go be hungry somewhere else.

Buu doesnt turn everyone to chocolate becasue Buu likes to be joyous and play games and presumably he understands now that causing misery and pain is only fun to him, and that makes it less fun overall. But he's fucking hungry. So he mostly just didnt do it becasue he has promised previously not to kill and eat people. Which is sort of arbitrary. You know what isnt arbitrary? BUU HUNGRY. He literally goes into the next room and sits down and crosses his arms about it.

THE WAY THAT MR SATAN SCUTTLES BACK WHEN BUU BLOWS STEAM ?!?? Like he's still afraid of him !?!?!?!?! Perhaps Buu is just SCARY but that doesnt mean that MR SATAN should feel scared. But I feel like Mr Satan's spine is synthetic and he has no real inner iron, and especially after the events he's lived through, his nervous system is just shot. Like many traumatized people he is able to continue on sheer force and denial but he's just so fuuucked . He is jumpy and easy to frighten. He's always kind of been that way and TBH it's kept him safe and out of danger. But he's never felt REAL strength or security or comfort. He's stuck being a scared little boy. He's still scared of Buu

NO ONE READS MR SATAN'S VERY OBVIOUS BODY LANGUAGE ?? ??? MANIACS ! ! ! !! ! !

Mr Satan is such a messssssss he goes to powder his nose & also to pee but really he just had to excuse himself AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE becasue he's scared of Buu and doesnt want him to blow up and he needs to appease him as quickly as possible. It's an exigence that Mr Satan feels. If he didnt go and do that immediately then I feel like it would have just sat in his throat like vomit. He wiould have felt faint and he would have had to go blow his ass off.

HE DEOSNT EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO BUU. Yes becasue Buu doesnt care and maybe wouldnt understand it, BUT ALSO becasue Not Exoplaining Things is VERY MUCH Mr Satan's way. I feel like he could explain things and Buu would get it. Maybe not all of it but some of it. Maybe not right now becasue hes fucking hungry and pissed but maybe it would sit in his head a while. Someone more articulate and inquisitive like Videl or Gohan would have felt the impulse to explain perplexing situations just naturally, and they would have had the tact to know their audience too; it's explainable. But Mr Satan just doesnt operate that way. FUCKKKK the truth FUCK the """situation."" FUCK five minutes ago. Fuck one minute ago. Right now he's scared and hurt and he feels Buu's pain and hunger. He doesnt think that explaining himself would soften the blow at all becasue it doesnt work that way with him; his intense emotional states just are what they are like a child's, and he thinks that others' explanations are just excuses and dirty tricks. He assumes Buu to be the same, which honestly is close enough, but if he DID explain things, then they could avoid this in the future.

Mr Satan just starts throwing items of appeasement at Buu without addressing the object of strife here. Buu sticks to his guns however and asserts himself. Buu fuckingg hungry. Mr Satan folds completely and haphazardly starts searching for chocolate, but he is no better at this than Buu is; Buu could have thrown open cabinets too. But this is more about Mr Satan tucking his tail between his legs and trying to serve than it is about food.

He fuckingg fails and calls for Videl to come clean up this mess. Buu still fucking hungry. Mr Satan does this to himself

Great video

[skzoologist]

Unfamiliarity [two]

word count: ~10.5k

genre: Hybrid AU, no pairings

warnings: forced intake of medication, usage of heavy meds, panic attacks, signs of PTSD, hints of being experimented at, past abuse, occasional curse words, hurt/comfort, just bad choices overall from everyone

summary: Being taken in from the street means you get a mandatory, very fun session with the vet :)

a/n: I hope none of you missed the story too much, seeing as I took TWO MONTHS to update. I am horrible, my time-management skills are non-existent. My deepest apologies, I will put up the next chapter hopefully the next week to try and tame your ire. Especially since no new members are introduced in this chapter yet, only in the next one... Anyway, I hope you have fun reading this and feel free to barge into my ask box if you have any thoughts or questions!

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in!Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

previous I masterlist I next

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Waking up was not fun at all.

The moment my consciousness resurfaced and I opened my eyes, my whole body started hurting. My head pounded mercilessly, feeling heavy and fuzzy. My throat was parched, tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, the notion of peeling it off uncomfortable.

I slowly got up, my body shuddering and fur twitching as I sucked in a whine that almost left my muzzle. My back hurt and stretched, the smell of antiseptics hitting me in the face. My nose crinkled up, eyes watering from the unpleasantly strong smell. Shaking my head to try and get rid of at least a bit, I huffed and stood up on shaky paws, carefully stepping down from the 'bed'.

My whole body felt like a weight as I stood there, needing a moment to recollect myself.

What was I doing last time? I wasn't in 'bed'... No, I was eating, right. The wolf… yes, he was teaching me how to use those sticks. Then…

Everything came rushing back to me, the glass, the capture, the stars. Wait no, those were freckles.

Trotting towards the place where the clothes were stored, I stood on my hind legs, front right paw resting on the right door as I opened the left one with my maw. Sure enough, there were clothes neatly laid out there by the others, like it always had been.

Shifting into my other -more vulnerable- form, I suppressed every groan of pain that wanted to escape me. The scars on my upper body stretched painfully, the feeling unpleasant and familiar. Quickly putting on some clothes, I walked towards the door and took a couple of deep breaths.

Nobody was nearby, they were all huddled in the 'living room' from what I could tell. That was… weirdly perfect.

Quietly opening the door, I stepped out into the hallway I had walked across so many times before. Not wanting to notify anyone of my presence just yet, I left the door open -instead of risking them hearing me closing it- and stepped across the smooth floor, my steps muted and precise.

Nearing the stairway, I stopped as I heard hushed voices. I couldn't make out any words thanks to my fuzzy head, but their tone was more than enough to indicate their misery. My ears pressed into my head, knowing I was probably the cause of that.

Gathering my courage, I gulped down my racing heart that leapt into my throat and took a step towards the staircase.

By the fourth step I was noticed.

By the sixth, their voices completely died down.

By the seventh I stopped, gaze meeting theirs after a few seconds.

I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

My voice was raspy, the words almost unrecognisable from the lack of use over the long years. Yet, I continued looking at them, my uninjured hand clenching in anticipation, waiting for them to inevitably throw me out or hurt me.

"You…you can speak?" - croaked out a small voice, the others too stunned to speak yet.

I nodded.

"...Then why haven't you spoken so far?" - asked another.

"...wasn’t allowed to…" - I rasped out, my throat closing up in strain.

I awkwardly continued to stand there, waiting for a reaction, just anything.

"Well, why’re you just standing there, come down here you idiot." - choked out Chan. Before I could open my mouth to protest, Minho cut me off. "No, we’re not angry at you, get your ass down here or else Felix and Changbin will tackle you onto the stairs and worsen your injuries."

I just accepted my fate, making my way over towards them in my stupor. I didn't even reach them when the aforementioned feline shot up from his seat and rushed at me. I didn't fall over only because Minho warned me, so I stood there stiffly as the boy clinged to me as if his life depended on it, apologising over and over again.

My brows furrowed. What wrong did he do that he needed to be apologising for?

I quickly caught the words 'shirt' and 'breakfast', the pieces clicking together as I realised he had been blaming himself for my panic at the table.

I hovered my hand above his head, only after a moment of hesitance did I finally gently place it atop his mop of angelic hair and stroked it, mindful of his little ears.

"Not your fault." - I rasped out, but he either didn't hear or didn't believe me as he just buried his face deeper into my chest.

Sighing, I took his face in both of my hands -injury be damned- and nudged him to look at me. When he finally did, I repeated the same sentence, my tone firm and leaving no place for any argument. I wiped his tears with my thumbs, then looked towards the others as I continued speaking -or at least trying to-.

"Bad memory. Not anyo–... anyone's fault. Sorry. Broke glass and caused trouble."

My voice died halfway and I sounded like I rose from the dead, but none of them seemed to care. Changbin indeed affectionately hugged me once I was close enough, my body almost smushed into paste. I endured it, even as my form protested and skin shivered, knowing he had no bad intentions. Chan was full on crying and smiling at me, engulfing me in a bear hug once Felix let go of me for a few seconds. Minho just repeatedly called me an idiot in an endearing tone, his voice light and playful.

That evening was one I would never forget for the rest of my life, the warmth that surrounded me suffocatingly gentle and sweet.

-.-.-.-.-

The days kept going by in a similar fashion, my life gaining a rhythm I never thought I would ever have.

Everyday I would wake up in my little den -that nobody intruded upon, just like the wolf promised- to a knock on the door, one of the boys waiting there with breakfast for me. Taking it thankfully after greeting each other, I would then go to the bathroom and get ready for the day -yes i had to be shown how to wash my teeth and i absolutely disliked how it felt-. Afterwards, I would join whoever was in the big, spacious room, lounging on the sofa together. Skinship still made my hair stand on end, so I usually sat on one side, while the others were on the opposite one, huddled and cuddled up in one big pile. Then usually, around the same time I would be ushered back into my room. Not that I minded -sometimes i even left earlier, the presence of the others too much for the day-, but I had a feeling it was so I wouldn’t run into the human.

It left a strange feeling in my chest, whenever I thought about how suspiciously considerate these hybrids were towards me.

I also got used to everyone's scents by now, although my stomach sometimes still unpleasantly turned whenever they were especially strong and mixed together. The clothes they let me borrow definitely helped hasten the whole process, even though they looked comically short on my stature.

Speaking of clothes, as I was putting on a fresh shirt, I heard a ripping sound echoing through the room.

Panicking, I quickly took it off, the movement irritating my injuries further, but I didn't care about that. No, checking the precious fabric’s condition was a way bigger priority. I turned around the piece of cloth in my hands and sure enough, there was a newly formed hole in its fabric.

Putting on a different one -more carefully this time-, I made my way out of the room, my ears lowered and tail lifeless.

I was hit with deja vu as only Minho was lazily lounging on the sofa, attention partly on the TV, half asleep. Not wanting to bother him or accidentally fully wake him up, I was about to start leaving back into the hallway when Felix appeared. He greeted his feline friend and cuddled into him, purrs now loud enough for even me to hear.

Letting a small smile sneak itself onto my lips, I turned around to leave when suddenly, Felix's head popped up over the back of the couch. His left ear flicked as he was looking straight at me with a deadpan expression, motioning for me to join them. I shuffled in place, embarrassed I was caught, but went down the stairs to join them anyway.

The blonde boy greeted me quietly, the brunette conked out under him, soft snores already leaving his form. My gaze softened at the sight, ears letting up and tail swaying gently.

I took my usual place on the soft furniture, the shirt in my hand now painfully obvious. I played with it absentmindedly, just watching the TV alone as the other feline decided to take a nap as well. They had woken up not that long ago, so I couldn't really understand how they could fall asleep so fast once again. Huffing in amusement at them, I turned towards one of the downstairs hallways as I sensed the other two hybrids leave a room and approach us. Sure enough, they saw and greeted me, in return I nodded at them.

Before they could say anything, I put a finger in front of my lips, motioning towards the sleeping hybrids. Chan looked at them with such warmth as he chuckled, while Changbin just rolled his eyes playfully, muttering things about cats and their laziness.

"Oh, why do you have a shirt in your hands?" - the wolf asked after he sat down next to me, the other parts of the sofa taken by the stretched out felines.

My form turned sheepish, eyes looking at the ground. I held up the fabric for him to see, the hole painfully obvious as I muttered out a grated 'Sorry'.

"Don't be sorry baby, I honestly thought this would happen sooner. None of us have fitting clothing for you, seeing as you are ridiculously tall." He let out a small sigh, silently pondering over his next words. "I’ve waited with this for as long as I could, but it seems like we have no choice anymore, sorry. Because if we want to get you new clothes, you need a collar. To get one, you need to be officially adopted, and for that, you need a checkup. You needed one anyway, for your injuries." - he carefully whispered out, his gentle gaze searching my form for a reaction.

The blood froze into my veins. 

I never wanted to be adopted again, or to have a collar on my neck. I gulped, the air suddenly thin and not enough. The room felt hot, while my body remained frigid. I was vaguely aware of the wolf in front of me, but my vision became slightly hazy and limited.

I blinked several times, forcing the memories and feelings down, not willing to cause another scene and appear weak in front of them yet again.

"-by, are you alright?"

All at once I became painfully aware of his knowing gaze and gentle hold on my uninjured hand. I merely nodded, noticing Changbin hovering nearby as well. My ears flicked towards his direction, a sign I noticed him and was fine. He eased up and sat down next to Chan, head propped up on one of the elder’s shoulders.

"I'm sorry baby, we can wait a bit more to get your injuries looked at. Forget I said anything." - he squeezed my hand once more, then let go as he instead focused on the movie that was playing.

I tried to do so as well, mind numb and slow to work.

I remained seated there for the rest of the day -besides eating and such-, aware what the others were doing at all times. Sometimes they silently watched the TV, other times they caused a ruckus. Chan checked his phone a couple of times, but I wasn't bothered about that. He did that sometimes, probably speaking with his human. The day went by and I was soon back in my room, sleeping early to just end the day faster.

I should have cared about that phone checking.

The next day started the same as my days usually did, but when I met the others, there was a strange tension in the air. They seemed a bit awkward around me, especially the wolf. I only raised an eyebrow at that, an uncomfortable feeling settling into my gut. But I thought nothing more of it.

I really should have.

Next thing I knew, the day slowly trickled by, the bad feeling only growing stronger, body fidgeting endlessly. My eyes regularly flitted around the place, searching for the source of my uncomfort.

It arrived in the form of an ear-splitting ringing. I jumped, having never heard the loud sound and remained in place. The others looked at each other with uncertainty, letting the youngest boy open the door.

Taking a deep breath, my nose picked up on an unfamiliar smell, one that did not belong to a hybrid. Before Felix reached the door I bolted, vaulting over the sofa and up the stairs, diving under the 'bed' and into my den, my safe place.

There was an unknown human in the house and I had a really bad feeling that it had something to do with me. What if it was them, finally having found me, ready to take me back to their lab? What if it was the law, coming to punish me for what I had done?

My head raced with thoughts, none better than the other.

Amidst my panic, the door opened, Chan stepping in and crouching in front of my hidden form.

"Baby, come out please. He just needs to look at your injuries and check if they’re healing properly." - he coaxed fruitlessly.

Oh so it was just a doctor. I didn't know if it was worse or better.

"Baby, please, it's just me in here. Come out."

He was right, it was indeed only him in the room at that moment, the others’ scents all outside and not in the room.

Not getting an answer, he just sat down and continued to try and lure me out with gentle murmurs, his voice on the edge of begging. Still, it took him a good while to get me out of my den, but I slowly crawled out and looked at him wearily.

Betrayal.

Betrayal was all I felt, as he grabbed me, shouting for the others to rush in and hold me down. My back was pushed onto a plush surface as it burned, my limbs held down even as they struggled to regain their freedom.

But no matter how hard I tried, their grips firmly remained on my body. A growl ripped out of my chest as my jaw was forced open, something placed inside as they firmly shut it. I didn't want to swallow down whatever it was, but he kept his hand in place, the other massaging my throat.

Tears escaped my eyes as I couldn't fight it anymore, the object sliding down with a forced gulp.

I continued thrashing, even as I felt a bit more sluggish, but nothing more.

"Fuck, he needs another one."

No!

I ripped my left hand out of its hold, something painfully moving out of place as I struggled to break free, blindly clawing at anything I could reach. My limb was soon recaptured, the hold on it only causing more pain. In the next moment my jaw was forced open once again and I relived that horrible moment from a few minutes ago.

My body felt heavy, head hazy as I laid there panting, unable to do anything anymore.

The wolf came into my vision, wiping away the tear tracks from my cheeks as he whispered something about being sorry and not having a choice. I just continued laying there, the ceiling much more interesting for my unfocused eyes as I accepted my fate.

Their familiar scents left and in came a new one, my gut already churning in place.

The new voice introduced itself, but I couldn't be bothered to remember its name. My mind was stuffy, as if it was filled with cotton. The room looked somehow funny, the patterns seemingly coming to life with each passing second. I could hear a chuckle as I marvelled at them, having never seen such things before.

Wariness was sitting at the back of my mind, forgotten there. My mood took a funny turn as well, numb and giddy mixing together to make me obedient and helpful.

And I was. 

I sat up sluggishly and let the human do whatever he wanted to me as I merely watched him, like a lifeless doll on drugs. He checked various parts of my body, being extra diligent around the scars on my upper body, head and arm.  Although I did make a face when he checked inside my mouth or touched my ears and tail, goosebumps uncomfortably raised on the surface of my skin.

After way too much prodding and tests, he was finally done and left, the knots in my stomach easing up.

I remained seated where I was, the floor perpetually moving and writhing beneath my feet. I watched it, highly intrigued, even as someone else came into the room.

Looking up I realised it was the wolf, my mood elated and tail wagging, happy to see him.

With a 'Channie!' I hugged him rather forcefully, rubbing my head into his. Suddenly realising what he had done not even long ago, I let go of him quickly, as if he had the plague. "Wait, no, I am supposed to be angry at you." - I muttered, arms crossed.

He just laughed, patting my shoulder. "You can come in guys, he's good, although a bit too high!" - he shouted out the open door, leading me back to where I sat not long ago.

Not even a second later Felix rushed in and I tackled him similarly to the wolf, just with a happy shout of 'Sunshine!' this time. Realising he was in on my backstabbing too, I let go of him and scrunched up my nose. "Wait, I am supposed to be angry at you too."

I stepped away from him, but then Minho and Changbin came in as well, and in a now very familiar fashion I greeted them. "Binnie, Linooo!… Wait, you guys held me down too… Ooh the floor is still moving." - I released them, looking around the floor as I heard them all laugh.

"How long do you think the meds will last? I need to know when to start recording, this is golden." - cackled the scary feline.

"The doc said a few hours, and that’s with his abnormally high tolerance." - replied the wolf as I was led to the bed by Binnie, the ground still tripping me out.

"Can we keep some of these meds? I have never seen him like this before, so… open and cuddly." "Well the doc did give us some, in case he freaks out again or anything. And no, Lix, those are for emergency use only."

The kitten pouted and I almost went to comfort him, before once again I remembered what they did. I went to cross my arms as I pouted, but the rodent hybrid gently held my injured hand that now rested in a cast.

"Don't pout, please, we did what we thought was best." - he whispered, caressing the cast with his thumb. "If you want to blame anyone, blame me. I was the one who had that ide–" The wolf was elbowed in his sides by both felines, a 'Shut up' and 'Naur' leaving their lips in disharmony.

I pursed my lips together, opting to instead hide myself in Changbin's side.

"I was just so scared. I thought it was him, or, or the others. I didn't want to go back." - my voice rasped out, cracking at a few places.

A few seconds of silence passed as one of them carded their fingers through my hair soothingly.

"Baby, who is he?"

"Dun wanna talk about it."

I just pressed more into the younger boy, my voice muffled. Taking a deep breath of the tropical scent, I threw myself over the others, face now nestled into the wolf's middle.

"Smells good. Safe."

"Maybe we can use these meds out of emergency too sometimes."

-.-

I woke up to a full bed, the thought dancing around my mind before fully registering. I tensed up under all the bodies, my heart rate accelerating fast. Not wanting to wake them up, I scooted away as much as I could, my body ridden with goosebumps, reminded of the past.

Some of them stirred but remained asleep as I just sat there, trying to recollect what had happened that could result in this.

I, sadly, came up a bit blank.

Instead of wrecking my already hurting head even more, I watched the others sleep, their features peaceful and at ease. A smile slipped onto my lips.

I knew it for a while now, that they sneaked their way into my heart, I just kept denying it. My heart was just not ready to trust again, and it probably never would be.

But I was willing to try, for their sake.

I had no clue how long I had been sitting there, but gradually all of them woke up, greeting me and each other. I nodded back, the question I had been itching to get an answer to sitting on the tip of my tongue.

"What happened yesterday?"

They froze up, glancing at each other, until Minho slipped his phone out with a suspiciously wide grin on his face. He tapped some things and a video started playing.

A video of me, cuddling into every single one of them with a satisfied smile on my face.

I blanched, wide eyes not believing what they were seeing. I nearly choked on my spit when I heard their nicknames leaving my lips. Nicknames I thought I never said out loud.

"Yeah, you were extreeemely high from the meds." - laughed Chan, rubbing his nape at the memory. "Yup, called Lix's freckles stars too and asked Binnie if he could lift you up, since he has so much muscle."

My cheeks warmed up immediately, ears lowered in embarrassment. I took my tail into my uninjured hand, pushing my face into it to hide as they all just laughed at my expense.

I couldn't face them anymore. Never again, actually.

-.-.-.-

The following days I hid in my room, memories of that day now fully intact as they trickled back to me. I was hurt over being fooled and forced into a medical checkup, especially because they knew how I would react to it. So their solution was to lie to me and force medication down my throat… But to their credit, none of them came into the room uninvited still, only knocking to give me food, which I quickly took and shut the door into their faces.

I was torn.

On one hand, I had finally admitted that yes, they had wormed their way into my heart. On the other hand, the trust that had been so carefully crafted now crumbled down in front of my very eyes.

It was painful.

Instead I just let my eyelids flutter closed as I laid curled up in my den, tears easily racing down their already carved out paths.

I was so tired.

-.-.-.-

I was startled awake by quiet knocking on my door, the sound ear-piercing in the deadly silence. It must have been night, my tired mind supplied amidst its haze.

I blinked a couple of times, the weight of my body settling into my soul, easily convincing me to not move a finger.

But the knocking disagreed as it rang through my echoing room once more.

Taking a deep breath to will myself to move, I immediately recognised the sugary sweet scent wafting through the air, dragging a sigh from my body.

Crawling out of my hiding place, I held my head as it throbbed, sight swimming and throat parched. The thought of accepting the food I refused hours earlier didn’t sound too bad at that moment, but I instead shook my head gently and shut my eyes closed forcefully. My vision soon returned fully afterwards, so I slowly padded towards the door and opened it just enough for our eyes to meet.

Those usually glinting, bright nebulas were now dim, sitting atop dark and raw skin. The sight broke a part of me, but I showed no sign of it, no, I couldn’t, I refused to. Instead I just hummed with a questioning tone, wanting to hear the goal of his visit from his mouth directly.

"Hyung… Do you… Could we talk? Please?" - his voice cracked, eyes glistening and pleading.

I couldn't say no to that, so I opened the door just enough for him to slip in, closing it quietly after confirming no one else was nearby.

He awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, so I just motioned towards the 'bed' for him with a jerk of my head. Getting the hint, he carefully sat down at the edge of it, his lax tail laying close to his body in distress.

I remained standing in front of him, a fair distance between his timid form and my angry one, hands awkwardly crossed in front of my chest -this cast thing was getting on my nerves-. My question was clear to him, no words needed to convey it.

"We… You have to know we did it for your own good, Hyung. I…I'm really sorry, I'm not saying what we did was right, but you needed medical attention! Your- you didn't see your injuries, when the glass cut into your burgundy fur, I… I was so scared. You were bleeding a lot and, and… I just didn't want to lose you. None of us wanted to…"

The once bright boy in front of me was broken, tears cascading down his freckled cheeks, just like on that day. It felt like I cast a spell, a curse, hiding away the blinding star behind a curtain of weeping clouds.

It felt horrible.

I felt horrible.

Sighing quietly, I uncrossed my arms.

"I'll… I'll need some time to, to think this through." - my voice rasped out, the air grating against my vocal chords painfully.

The boy nodded, wiping his tears with his long sleeves, his feet carrying him out, through the doorway.

I just stood there, feeling empty even as the door closed and the quiet sniffing disappeared down the hallway.

"...For my sake, huh?"

-.-.-.-

It took me 3 days to scrape my feelings and thoughts together into a partly comprehensive ball. I still couldn't fully understand the situation, and in no way did I forgive them. But I also realised that I didn't have the full picture.

That was what brought me to the current situation, agitated form standing in front of the others' shocked ones.

"I'm still angry, but need explanation."

They just gaped at me for a few seconds, then looked at each other, as if silently communicating.

A deep sigh left the wolf as he rubbed his nape, gaze firmly planted into the ground by his feet.

"I was the one who called the shots, so if you still wanna be angry at someone by the end of this, let that only be me. The others don't deserve this."

Someone else wanted to interject, but his sharp glare was all it took to quickly shoot them down.

"While yes, you did need the check-up if you wanted to remain here, which is something we all wanted before you think anything else, your recent injuries were urgent. We did have our theories after you didn't really look to be in pain, but they were confirmed after the visit. You have a dangerously high tolerance for drugs and pain, so you must not’ve noticed the extent of your injuries, but please, believe us when we say they were severe. You became almost blind to your left eye, for the sake of-!  Sigh  But this still doesn't justify what we-, I did. I apologise, from the bottom of my heart."

I could only stare at his bowing form, the others following in suit. Something tightly constricted in my chest, something that started at the beginning of his speech. What it was, I had no clue.

A shaky breath left my form, my fists clenched and gaze dropping.

"It hurt."

The silence was deafening.

"I thought… I thought I could start to trust you. That I- was safe here… Why? It hurt so much." - as if the constricting band snapped in half, my chest became lighter and I just stood there as tears slowly cascaded down my face, hands uselessly hovering mid-air.

Nobody came near me, my body both happy and sad about it, a part of me already used to their warmth and comforting touches. It tore a violent sob out of my chest.

I was so tired of all this.

Of not being normal, not being able to enjoy someone's presence or touches. I wanted to be normal again! Not this, this freak!

"Oh baby… You're not a freak."

My sobs froze into my chest as I looked up through my tears, not even realising I spoke out loud.

"Yes, you’re not like the others, but only because you’re hurt. And hurt can be healed and fixed, even if it takes a long time. Maybe not fully, sure, but you can become better with time and care."

The voice of the wolf was soothing, like cold water on a hot summer day.

"But we can only help you if you let us."

The gaze of the little herbivore was equally warm.

"Please, Bae Hyung, let us help you."

The young feline's voice was broken, but it held so much strength it shook my soul.

And while the last member only nodded along and spoke nothing, his body posture and gaze sang poems, all with the same goal.

It was as if something I had been hauling around for long years got lighter, the weight not impossible to bear anymore. I could clearly hear my walls crumble, the ones I had put up after that day for my own protection. Fresh tears sprang into my eyes, lips trembling.

"Promise? N-no more?"

Even though my broken question couldn't have been any more vague, they all firmly responded, swearing to not let such a thing happen again.

And while yes, I did not forgive them at that moment, I knew it would only take time.

-.-.-

And time it took.

While I did leave my room occasionally, it only happened every few days and for a short time. My body involuntarily shuddered from their close proximity, afraid they would hold me down again and--

I shook my head, the thought bristling my skin, making my hair stand on end.

No, I refused to think about that. Instead, I focused on the scent of the sunlit forest, filled with tropical fruit. A meadow hidden between the tall giants, filled to the brim with mellow flowers, their sweet nectar luring all kinds of beings closer.

Taking a deep breath, the scent filled my lungs and lingered there, as if my organ clinged to it desperately.

A cheerful greeting broke me out of my trance, the source busy in the kitchen turning the place upside down amidst its mission to find snacks.

I didn't even notice I was walking down the hallway, let alone down the stairs, following the strengthening scent of a sweltering, bountiful forest.

Blinking, I nodded back at him, my eyes following his shorter form. Reaching up for a cabinet, his muscles tensed and yet, a pout sat on his lips as he just couldn't quite reach the prize he sought after so desperately.

Calmly striding over, I took the crinkly bag from the upper shelf, the packet having been safely tucked into the corner. After inspecting the bag for a brief second -they were some kind of chips-, I turned around and placed it into his hands, his form strangely frozen and big doe eyes innocently blinking up at me.

But before my head could tilt in confusion, he beamed up at me gratefully, bounding over to the sofa, beckoning me to follow after having fallen into its soft cushions.

A fond sigh left my nose, but I complied to his wishes nonetheless. Soon enough, our separate forms were watching some kind of romance story again -that was all we ever watched-, his arm that held the bag frequently stretched out towards me. A silent offering of food, one I gratefully accepted.

Changbin felt like fire. His presence hot, attention demanding, yet it was always tamed around me. He was a bundle of untamed flames whenever they thought I wasn't around, and still, the inferno was pleasantly warm and grounding. Safe. Like a lit bonfire on a cold winter night.

And I was but a cold, starved animal, undeniably drawn in by its light, yet also afraid of being burnt. Thus, I could only watch from afar, basking in the small wisps of fire that reached my form as the others huddled around it, hungrily devouring its unending heat.

And maybe, maybe I would be able to get closer one day too.

-.-.-

Quietly slinking down the stairs, I looked towards the kitchen where Minho resided, his back turned towards me as he was busy making food.

I purposefully stepped towards the side so he could catch my form in the corner of his eye, not wanting to startle him. My plan worked as he glanced at me while muttering out a short greeting, eyes quickly focusing back on the pot sizzling under the heat.

Taking a deeper breath, its aroma filled my nose, pleasantly tickling my mind and hungry stomach.

As if led by the scent, I walked closer, curious form now dangerously close to his cooking one. I could easily see over his shoulders, my eyes drinking in every move he made, hands gracefully working the pan and the food residing in it.

It was quite mesmerising.

Throughout it all, he never once ushered me away or uttered a word.

Minho felt like the tall grass in an unending meadow. Always there, calmly swaying in the gentle breeze. He didn't speak a lot compared to the others, instead he let his actions do the talking. His occasional words were sometimes harsh, sure, but his actions were always gentle. He was a pillar you could lean on, should you need it.

It was reassuring.

Minho was reassuring.

-.-.-

The wolf was weird. Weird in the way that he tried to hide things, certain feelings behind smiles. His broad shoulders always tense in a way, as if carrying the weight of the world. 

But I could smell it, his pain and exhaustion oozing into his scent, the forest ageing and weeping in return. It unpleasantly twisted my nose, causing my brows to furrow as well.

There were times where he only smelled like sunshine, the trees blooming in happiness as a gentle breeze ruffled their canopy. His face reflected his mood, lips breaking out in a face-splitting smile, dimples on show and gaze glinting.

But at other times his smile didn't quite reach his eyes, the dark orbs seemingly drowning. In what, I did not know.

Compared to Chan's safe, yet chipped presence, the little snow leopard was the exact opposite. The boy wore his heart on his sleeves, his mood usually bright.

Felix was like the burning sun, a star so bright it felt painful to get closer. His presence alone eased the atmosphere, his affectionate touches and hugs making everyone melt in his arms. 

When he was sad, he didn't hide it and instead sought comfort from someone. But just like how clouds never stayed in front of the sun to obstruct it forever, he always bounced back into his cheery self.

Felix was my sunshine, the light in the unending darkness. Chan was my guiding path, leading me away from my past.

I could only fondly gaze at their focused faces as we sat in front of the TV, the artificial light creating shadows on their faces, highlighting every imperfection. Yet I found all of them perfect, my arms folded on the back of the sofa, head laying on top of it to observe them better.

I wanted to carve that moment, them into my memory, into my heart. Desperately wanting my soul to remember every single one of them and their features.

That was when I had suddenly realised, my anger towards them had vanished, just like the cold, white veil over the world.

-.-.-.-

Waking up under the bed in my den early in the day was nothing out of the ordinary. The empty feeling in my gut was, however. I furrowed my brows together, lips setting into a line.

What was this feeling?

It ate away at my very being, as if it was missing something. But I had everything I had gotten over the past months, except maybe a few snacks that had gone missing.

Blindly searching around, I grasped at the 'blanket' and brought it to my chest, hugging it tightly. The motion did little to fill the gaping hole in my chest.

Looking back at it, the feeling was familiar and not at all new. It just wasn't this bad before, or if it was, I did not notice it.

Huffing in frustration, I crawled out and begrudgingly got ready to start the day, even though it clearly wasn't ready to do so itself. The sun wasn't even up, its rays barely peeking over the horizon. I shielded my eyes from it and instead went out of the room quietly.

The house was silent, bathed in dancing shadows. A quick inhale told me all I needed to know, the scent of the human still strongly lingering in the air, meaning they were still in the house. Already knowing they lived on the same floor as me, I quickly made my way down the stairs, steps muted and calculated. I had learned which parts of the wood creaked a long time ago, the motion now automatic for my body.

Not wanting to meet the human by staying at the sofa, I turned towards the hallways hidden by the stairs.

My body automatically led me to a door and stopped in front of it.

Gaze sweeping over the floor, I hesitated. They were probably still sleeping. I didn't want to be a bother, especially since I didn't even know what to say to them. Something along the lines of 'Hey, sorry, I just feel empty and weird inside, can you help?' maybe? Not a chance, nope.

"Hyung?"

My body startled, head whipping towards the side to meet Changbin and his curious gaze on my form, cute, little, round ears twitching in curiosity. I lowered my own ears, embarrassed, not knowing what to say.

Instead of the familiar question of 'Is everything alright?', he just walked towards me -oh he had lighter clothes on, he was probably on his way to train- and knocked on the door. 

Right in front of my frozen face.

Before I could even voice my worry and confusion, he left my panicked form with two hefty pats on my shoulder and a wink. I stepped towards him, mouth open, arms ready to grasp at him–

"Hyung?"

Ah shit.

I immediately closed my mouth, arms falling limply back to my sides as I didn't know how to face the younger. I rubbed at my nape nervously -a habit i had picked up from the wolf accidentally-, looking at the ground. The sweet scent in the air calmed me slightly, just enough to stop me from bolting away in embarrassment.

"What are you doing up so early?" - Felix asked as he rubbed at one of his eyes, voice hoarse and filled with slumber.

"...couldn't sleep."

A soft 'oh' left his mouth, the soft rustling of socks against wood filling the air.

Turning around I saw he had stepped aside, silently inviting me into his room. I felt the other hybrid sooner than I saw him, Chan's form laying on the bed peacefully, still deeply asleep.

I quietly stepped in, the door closing with a soft click behind me. My eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden darkness as I blinked several times, the shuffling form of the young boy soon clear in the room.

He went back to bed and looked at me, a silent question sitting in his gaze. I shook my head, opting to instead sit in his squishy chair that sat on the ground in a corner.

No other word was uttered, but the silence was comfortable. Like a soft fabric of comfort as it lulled us back to sleep -oh, just like a blanket, i get it now-.

I stared at the dark ceiling for a while, the soft snores of the others filling my ears. Soon enough my eyelids felt heavy, consciousness drifting away into the land of dreams and peace. The empty feeling settled down a bit, its presence now only at the back of my mind.

-.-

Soft murmurs woke me up, the room feeling warm and comforting. The scent of a pine forest mixed with sugar wafted in the air; it curled around me like a comforting presence, bringing a small smile to my lips.

The murmurs stopped and I stretched out, head popping up from the squishy chair to look at the two males on the bed.

Chan had a phone in his lowering hand with a smile plastered onto his face, while Felix just giggled, waving at me.

"Good morning baby. How was your sleep?" - the wolf's pleasant voice asked, deeper than usual as sleep still clung to it slightly.

I only nodded back, hand still rubbing the sleep from my eyes with little success.

"I still can't believe how you can just fit on that bean bag like that. And you even looked like you had the best sleep in the whole house!" - laughed out Felix as my cheeks felt a tad bit hotter at his comment. "I think it's cute, but do come sit with us, it's comfier up here." - Chan cooed, hand patting the blanket near him.

My lips pursed, ears tilting slightly behind, but I complied and sat at the end of the bed, gaze not meeting their forms as my cheeks still felt warm.

"How’s your arm, baby?"

I looked at the limb in question, the cast weighing it down. My lips turned down at the mere thought of it. I found the thing incredibly annoying and frustrating. I couldn't do things freely as it sat heavily there and I couldn't even enjoy baths anymore like how I used to -fully submerged in water-. This stupid thing was driving me nuts.

"Irritating. When can it be free?" - my husky voice answered, slightly better sounding from the little talking I had done lately.

"Ah, the doc did say it should be checked on again soon." "Yep, today to be exact."

My eyes widened as I whipped my head towards Chan, form tensing. Before I could do anything more, he held up his hands and explained in panic.

"No, no, don't worry, it will be different. He will only come in a few hours and you can choose to take some calming medicine or not. The choice is up to you entirely. The doc only needs to check how you are healing and if everything's good, he might even be able to take your cast off."

Looking into their eyes, I could only see sincerity. My form relaxed a bit, mind running around with choices.

I really didn't want to meet a human, but the chance to get this thing off was too great to ignore.

Fuck.

Sighing, I slowly nodded.

Their expressions eased up at that, the little leopard hovering his hand above mine. I didn't move away, the void in my chest happy as the feline gently grasped onto my limb.

The atmosphere settled back into its previous serene self, the two hybrids chatting calmly with each other. I had to give credit to them, they tried their best to get me involved as well so I gave them short answers, my hurting throat letting me do only so much.

As I watched them animatedly speak I caught a whiff of a savoury scent in the air, my stomach gently gurgling in response. The two chuckled at that, but I cared not as I stood up and waited for them by the door.

"Yes yes, we’re coming." - said the wolf, his tone light and teasing.

The leopard bundled up next to me energetically, his spotted tail playfully curling around in place as we waited for the older canine.

Finally gathered together, I opened the door and hastily walked into the big room from the hallway, Minho's back facing us.

The others greeted each other loudly and sat at the table to chat, all the while I made my way to the cooking cat, hovering behind his busy form like usual.

I could hear the others whisper about us, about me, things like 'He looks so cute, like a lost puppy following its parent.', but it didn't bother me at the moment. I was too busy watching Minho work his magic, the air smelling delicious.

His hands worked precisely with the knife, ingredients cut perfectly into the shapes he desired. The pans and pots were filled up and moved over the fire, then quickly pulled off once their contents were ready and done. He danced around the kitchen with scary efficiency, hands knowing exactly where to reach for certain ingredients or equipment.

Being done, he plated the food and asked me to help bring them over to the table, so I did. I must have been too absorbed in watching the chestnut-haired feline work, because Changbin was already back at the table in a fresh set of clothes, the air around him smelling clean with a hint of menthol. I quickly greeted him with an apology as well, but he just shrugged it aside calmly, saying it was fine.

Leaving it at that, I put the plates down and sat in my place, the colourful presence of the medicines not escaping my gaze. They sat there beside my glass of water clearly, forms not hidden at all.

I really did have the choice.

My working hand clenched around itself, my jaw firm. While the medicine did remind me of the past, it also did not. The ones they used were plain, usually white or worse, in the form of an injection. These ones were yellow and red, colours blaringly loud and playful in a way.

Turning my gaze towards the warm food, I forced my body to relax a bit, wanting to focus on eating as I rethought my choices and decision.

My ears turned towards whoever was speaking -more like shouting and bickering- as I ate , a silent participant of the conversation. I was much more comfortable just seeing them fool around, stealing each other's food -never mine though, how strange- and laughing around like fools.

Happy fools.

The chopsticks gently clanked against the plate as I finished eating. My hands played with the pills before quickly popping them into my mouth, forcing them down with some water.

The effect wasn't immediate at all, no, that was instead the silence as the others stared at me. I just raised an eyebrow at that, not understanding, since they were the ones who put them there.

"Ooh, this will be interesting." - Minho said with a smirk crawling onto his lips, hand already equipping his phone. "No!" - I shouted, reaching over but missing as he moved the object away way too quickly.

I quickly stood up to reach his hand better, but the walls were already moving and my balance was shifting rapidly. I held my head, groaning, the eye I didn't cover up shifting as the world around me moved and writhed.

I quickly sat back down, a curse leaving my lips as I just laid my forehead on the table, covering my head up with my arms.

"Hyung, you're fine. Don't hide." - sang the deep voice of Felix. I merely tightened my hold, not trusting what came out of my mouth as my head started filling up with cotton, judgement already starting to leave my form.

"Felix, you know well enough that's a lie." - snickered Minho at my expense. "Yes, but come on mate! Don't be such a meanie!" "Oh I’m not. I would be, if I put these videos up onto the internet. Now that I say it, that’s a good idea." "Guys, calm down. Nobody puts anything anywhere.  Sigh  I worded that wrong…"

Amidst the chaos, I looked up and searched for the only quiet person, asking him for help with the last of my coherent thoughts. "Don't look at me, I quite enjoyed how you praised my biceps last time." That was his only answer with a big grin, cheeks splitting apart from the bright smile that sat upon his face. What a menace.

I let my head fall back against the table, the cutlery clanking loudly against each other and partly masking the groan that left my lips. The pressure it brought to my skull did little to help with the ache and numbness.

There it was, the fog over my brain, the disgustingly good mood taking control over the place against my wishes.

I looked up from the table, chin propped up on it as my eyes followed the swirling patterns in the room, various shapes drawing out in them with every passing second. Someone ruffled my hair, the action earning a delighted sound from my throat, tail swaying happily behind me.

Looking around after taking a deep breath that drew a small smile on my face, I saw the others standing up and leaving towards the sofa. Not wanting to be left out, I followed them, falling onto Binnie who laid on the plush surface. He laughed and wiggled around until he found a comfortable enough position with me laying on top of his much smaller form.

Our legs were picked up and placed onto Minho's lap, while Chan and Felix sat on his other side, all snuggled up. I could feel a tickling sensation on my foot, causing me to wiggle around and whine. The perpetrator -Chan, of course it was him- only giggled, not leaving my poor feet alone for a good minute or so. Felix joined in at some point, that little weasel.

After having recovered from the impromptu tickle session, I relaxed back into a comfortable position -to my defence, Binnie was surprisingly comfortable-. My tail laxly laid on the chocolate-coated feline's knees, twitching as he put a hand on the back of my knee. I thought nothing of it and buried my head into Binnie's chest, the position dangerously pleasant.

Lino's hand kept moving upwards throughout the movie, now resting on my thigh. I flicked up my tail in warning, his hand stopping in place.

A blaring sound rang throughout the house, one I was vaguely familiar with.

Sniffing the air, I picked up a human's scent and my fogged up mind reminded me that the doctor had arrived at last. I completely forgot about it in the euphoria of the moment.

Feeling the hybrid shifting around under me, I tightened my hold, not wanting to get up just yet. Or at all, really.

"Bae hyung, you have to get up. The doctor's here." "Well he can check me over like this."

Laughter filled the place as Binnie sputtered, but settled back down nonetheless. Pink dusted his cheeks, round little ears lowered in embarrassment and I couldn’t help myself, I just had to reach up and pet one of them. Just for a little bit.

Sure enough, the doctor didn't put up a fight when he saw my hold on the buff male. He checked as much as he could of my injuries, my shirt pushed up to my neck as he prodded around on my back. I only felt numb pulling sometimes, something cool spreading around my skin, the air not hitting it anymore as something was placed on top of it at several places. 

But then the human asked me to sit up and my serene mood was broken, Binnie's hand stopping from painting soft circles into my arm. I simply turned my head away, not willing to change positions.

"Baby, come here."

At that soothing voice I looked up, seeing Channie pat the place next to him on the sofa. I sat up after a few seconds, sitting where he wanted me to and leaning into him.

The doctor followed my form and first looked at my head. It was uncomfortable to have him so near me, to have him push my hair away slightly. Doing something similar to what he did to my back, he then asked me to open my mouth. I furrowed my brows, but complied anyway.

If him prodding around my head was uncomfortable, this was straight up hell. He looked down my throat and even touched around my neck, checking my reactions. The only reason I stayed put with a frown was because of Channie and Felix with their small, encouraging gestures.

"Keep up what you've been doing so far, his throat is looking a bit better. Given time, it can completely recover." - the human said, earning a few 'Okay's from the others.

Then the human took my heavy arm in his hands, asking questions like 'Does it hurt?' or 'Is it uncomfortable?'. I shook my head in answer, the thing on it only annoying and binding.

In the next second the wolf led my head into his neck, careful fingers carding through my hair, as my sight was obstructed now. The notion was sudden, but I relished in it nonetheless.

A weird sound filled the air as I felt things shift around my arm, but I was too comfortable to move or care. His scent filled my being and I could feel my form running around in the moss covered trees, dirt kicking up beneath my paws. It felt freeing, as if I had nothing to worry about.

"There, his arm is completely healed and as good as new. But to be safe, make sure he doesn't use it as much for the next week." "Thank you doctor, we will make sure to do so." - his voice hummed through his throat pleasantly in response. "Don't be so uptight boys, I don't bite. You can be casual around me if you want to, you already know that." - the human joked around, some of the others joining in.

"Ah, but we do need to do what we talked about last time. Could you…?"

The human trailed off and so did the soothing motion from the wolf. I lifted my head up from his shoulder, confusedly looking at him with my swimming vision.

"Ah, don't worry baby, everything is fine. Why don't you sit in my lap, that way you don't have to twist your torso around so uncomfortably."

He did have a point, so my fogged up, elated mind happily agreed and did as he asked. I crawled into his awaiting embrace, body sideways, one leg propped up and squished between our bodies. My back hunched and bent so I could rest my head near his neck once again, but even with all of that, it was comfortable.

Safe.

One of his hands held my back firmly, the other resuming the soothing motion on my head. I was vaguely aware of my tail happily wagging around, the others settling down around us as well.

I buried my head deeper into his neck, their scents dancing around in my nose and enhancing my drugged up state.

I felt one of my sleeves shift, a prickling sensation on my skin. Something poked around in my mind, telling me it was awfully familiar, but I didn't know why, the fog too obstructing. Nonetheless, I wanted to check it out but as my head shifted, so did Channie's hold on me.

It tightened slightly, desperately, the forest now damp and in disarray.

I didn't like that at all, so I laid back down as I ignored the second sting on my arm, the forest’s scent settling down slowly.

It took around 6 stings and for my tail to stop swaying for the doctor to finish.

"Alright boys, I will come back in a month to finish this up and check if his back and head is still healing fine. So far he’s healing up incredibly fast and nothing seems wrong, so don't worry. If something comes up, you know how to reach me."

They all thanked him and exchanged goodbyes, everyone escorting the human away except Channie, as I was still laying in his hold calmly.

My body felt a bit sluggish, consciousness trying to dip away as I had to jank it back forcefully, not wishing to sleep just yet. Although my cosy position was not helping with that sudden exhaustion either, the safe feeling almost lulling me to sleep in itself.

"Is he asleep?" "Naur, but soon enough. The medicines must’ve really tired him out." "He seemed tired already this morning, he really needs this rest." "Ah, is that why you knocked on our door for him this morning, Binnie?" "Yeah, caught him standing there for like 3 minutes straight, staring at your door. He looked like a small kid that had a nightmare." "Wait, you guys had a sleepover and I was not invited?" "Oh come on Minho, don't do this now. Besides, you dislike them and always complain about being kicked or having your blanket stolen." "Because it's true! How would you like to wake up cold, kicked to the ground, hm?" "Oh you fucki–" "Hey, language!" "Watch your profanity!" "Oh you got the swear police on your ass now, Lixie~" "I swear to god, Minho, I will get you back for this!"

Their arguing mixed with Channie's reverberating chest pushed me over the edge, my mind plunging into darkness at last.

-.-.-

The next few days ran by as I refused to acknowledge what had happened or what I could have done while drugged out of my mind. I did notice my hand was free at least, so maybe it was all worth it. Although everyone kept a closer eye on me, not letting me use my freed up hand much. Or at all, really.

It was stifling.

But it was also weird. Foreign. I was alone for so long, I had forgotten what it felt like to have people beside you. People who cared about you. So as frustrating as it was, I only sighed deeply and followed their wishes.

Besides, the wolf was the one who had been watching me the closest, and I did not want to anger him. The thought alone made me break out in cold sweat.

A bundle of joy broke me out of my thoughts, the little leopard stopping directly in front of me.

"Hyung, do you want to play this new game I got? Everyone else declined, only giving me lame excuses."

Awh, he pouted.

I simply nodded with a small smile, letting his overjoyed self lead me out by my 'good' hand.

"Lix, he can't really use his hand, mate!" - Chan shouted from the kitchen. "No worries, it's a wii game, it can be played with only one hand!" - shouted back the blonde, my ears hurting from the loud voice. "Ah, sorry, I forgot." - he immediately whispered to me, guilt taking over his features.

I simply shook my head, grating out an 'It's fine.' in the process.

Soon enough I found myself in his room -he always shared it with someone, but so did the others, i noticed, as they often slept in a big pile of limbs all together-, instructed to sit on his bed while he got this 'game' thing set up. I had no clue what it was, but he looked so happy about it I just couldn't say no to him.

He plopped down next to me, a thing similar to the remote sat in his hands, eyes facing towards the TV in his room. Looking at it, the colours stopped shifting and some music started playing.

Lixie turned towards me, the smile on his face seemingly endless as he started pointing out the different parts of this remote. What 'button' did what and so on. I nodded along, trying my best to remember the onslaught of information.

Then, he pressed START and the 'game' began.

-.-

"Nooooooo, how’s this possible?? You just learned what a video game is 3 hours ago and you already beat me 11 times in a row! Hyung, you're cheating!" - the boy pouted, absolutely losing his mind over the situation. "... Sorry?" "That just makes it even worse, you didn't even do it on purpose! Aaagh, damn it!"

The cute leopard held his hair in frustration, angry little noises leaving his smaller form. His spotted tail was lashing out, but still playful to indicate his hidden mood.

He was adorable, I wanted to hug him.

My form froze, muscles tense.

What did I just think about?

Looking back at the young boy's form, the same urge bubbled up now tenfold. 

I gulped.

It would be fine.

He was not them, nor him.

He was just Lixie, my sunshine and comforting light.

Yes, it would be fine. I… would be fine.

My shaking hands slowly rose, snaking their way towards the boy sitting slightly in front of me. They grabbed onto his thin -way too thin- waist and slowly dragged him into my chest, arms locking him in place gently. His sputtering and shouting died midway, form utterly tense and frozen.

Maybe he didn't like it.

I panicked, arms quickly unwinding, but before I could fully detach myself, he laid back into me with all his weight, quiet little purrs reverberating in his chest. His tail coiled around one of my legs, a silent disagreement against my doubts.

It was fine.

I was fine.

So, I carefully tightened my hold on him with slightly shaking arms, one of them finding its way into his golden locks, numbly playing with them as a distraction. God, they were incredibly smooth and silky, my fingers sailing through them easily. The purrs only strengthened, the notion calming and reassuring, filling up the void residing in my chest rapidly at last.

We just laid there even as the feline's breathing slowed, soft snores breaking his neverending purring. Even as my eyelids felt heavy and my body laid against the upper part of the bed, I fought fruitlessly against sleep.

I wanted to enjoy the moment just a bit longer.

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅⋅•⋅⋅⋅•���∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

next chapter

[carelessflower]

angel for angel

The music blazed around them, people lost in the feel, in their heartbeats, in others. 

"So, spill it." Izzy took another sip of her cocktail. "What's made you suddenly change your mind, dear brother? And to this specific place." She eyed Alec and took in every changing detail on his face. It wasn't that Angel was a bad club, it was quite the opposite. The design took guests from one level of amazement to the other, classy yet sensual, the lights shone like galaxies.

She was very much surprised she hadn't heard of this club before, yet her what-a-party-can't-we-just-stay-home brother did. 

"I just feel like changing the air for a while." Alec tugged on his black shirt's sleeve, probably the tightest piece in his closet. He's made an effort in his appearance overall, the black leather pants that were buried deeper than their mom's wine collection were finally brought to use. Izzy would be impressed with her brother if she didn't catch how he constantly looked at some scene behind him.

"Are you gonna go talk to him or continue acting like a creep?" Of fucking course it was Magnus that got her brother possessed and illogical. Who else?

"I can't, Izzy. He didn't want to see me." Alec looked miserable. Izzy hated it. Hated all of this. She hated that it happened. She hated how she couldn't blame it entirely on Magnus for the breakup, or that he broke her brother's heart. 

Magnus was dancing with somebody, even from a distance, she could feel the energy radiating from him, that spark no one could resist. He was enjoying himself, at least. It had been half a year or so, there was more in life than one's broken heart, Izzy knew that from experience.

She sighed.

Alec needed a distraction, cornering him into a wall would only lead to him closing off again. At least, not today.

"Look at your face, Alec. Raziel, I thought they banned misery at the club. Tell you what, I'll call Jace here, we're gonna get shit-faced, wake up with a joint headache tomorrow and hear Mom complain for three hours. Deal?"

Alec smiled lightly. It wasn't big, but it was a hopeful start. "Deal."

—

Izzy came back to her brother missing. She was nearly at her breaking point.

"Jace, do you feel Alec is in danger?"

"No?" Jace scrunched his eyebrows. "He is warm...and fuzzy? Not quite drunk either, just really excited."

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She turned it on and read the most recent notification. I'm leaving. You and Jace have a fun night. Don't worry about me.

Well, that was most definitely the best way to make people stop worrying.

"Should we track him?" Jace was already ready with his stele.

"Let him be," Izzy said. Maybe Alec needed more time for himself. "We'll intervene if he gets caught in trouble."

The next morning came, and Alec still hadn't come back. Despite Jace's attempt at assuring her that Alec was absolutely better than fine and probably the happiest he had been in a while, Izzy felt the need to call him for confirmation.

One long pause. 

Two long pauses.

"Huh— hello? Izzy? Did something happen?"

"No, everything is fine." She paused for a moment. "Where are you Alec? You totally bailed on us last night."

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry. Something came up and hey—" Alec was ...laughing? What the fuck? "Magnus! Stop it! Control yourself, I'm talking—" On the other line, it sounded like the phone had fallen somewhere. Perhaps Magnus's bed. 

She needed some time to take all of this in first.

Alec picked up again, the joy was undeniable in his tone. "Ugh, so sorry for that. My company has no manners." Izzy could practically feel how they were looking at each other right now. 

She calmed herself down. "I don't care when you're coming back. I want a detailed report on whatever went down, or else Church might find new chew toys in your closet. Understood?"

"Fine."

"And tell Magnus I say hi."

"I will—" The line cut off.

"What happened?" Jace asked. "And why you're smiling?"

"Fate finds its way somehow." Izzy rolled her eyes but she knew how happy she was. Magnus left Angel with an angel in his arms. They were so ridiculous.

for @malectober day 1 prompt angel

[voxofthevoid]

Hi Vox! I saw your post mentioning your sickness and I hope you're feeling better! If it’s any consolation, I've been sick as hell too. Misery loves company right? This is werewolf anon, BTW.

So now that I'm more on top of the JJK story, I read another JJK fic of yours. It's the one where Gojo gets released from the prison realm into the future but a 1000 years in. I must admit I saw the tags/summary and thought "Ahhh yeahhhh all 20 fingers assembled!". And I was getting ready for some filthy imaginative smut by you...and it DEFINITELY had that...BUT I WASN'T READY FOR THE FEELS???

Because I legitimately cried!!! You left the ending open enough that it could go a few different routes but you just captured the utter bleak loneliness that Yuuji had been enduring and what a monumental shift it was for Gojo to show up. I finished the fic and had to hug my pillow because it got me so emotional. So yeah, thanks again for destroying me lol!

I'm glad my silly Yuuji meme edit gave you a laugh!

Also now that I know Steve is your fav, I see your Stucky fics in a whole new light. Not in a bad way! Just more like "Ah ha! I totally get why these lines of Bucky talking about Steve hits so hard." I'm so sorry that Endgame did us dirty and it undermined your fandom. My personal fav is Bucky and I basically live in my La La Land where "canon" can kiss my ass. Especially because the MCU seems determined to keep character assassinating Steve and derailing Bucky.

For JJK, I still like Gojo the best so the manga events are DEVASTATING. But I've gotten pretty good at ignoring canon (No thanks to Marvel) so I'm gonna keep trucking on loving Gojo.

Also fucking random question but you're the only one I talk about JJK...do you think I should spell their names Yuji/Yuuji or Gojo/Gojou?

Stay hydrated!

Werewolf anon! I didn't see this ask until now. Didn't check my notifs for a day or so while sick, and the app is glitchy as hell with numbers. Opened the desktop and saw that shiny "1." As always, it's good to hear from you!

A sad high five for the sickness 😔 I hope you're feeling better now though.

And won't lie, I'm slightly evilly gleeful that serpent tongue got you in the feels. It was my first JJK fic—don't ask me why I chose that mindfuck of a premise to figure out the characters and dynamics—and I did intend for it to pretty much just filthy imaginative smut (thank you btw 💗) with a four-armed Yuuji, but well, you saw what the bulk of the story became. As far as first fics in a fandom go, it's one I'm very happy with, especially the ending. It's very, very gratifying to hear that it affected you enough to make you cry.

(If it's any consolation, this fic is the "kinder" continuation of it, now with 200% more porn. They're not in a series because they're both standalone works, and the second fic is one of two possible spiritual sequels, but still, it's overall less bleak compared to the first fic.)

Haha, that's very interesting to me tbh. I'm not subtle about my favoritism, though the way it manifests varies (the only constant is that they get hole lmao), and I'm always curious how readers—especially those with differing but complementary tastes—perceive it.

And you have very good taste! I adore both Bucky and Gojou too, and they're a hell of a lot of fun as characters. Props to you for the enviable ability to tell canon to suck it and keep going 💪 Stay strong.

As for the names, Yuuji/Yuji/Yūji and Gojou/Gojo/Gojō are all accepted romanizations, so pick your favorite. Personally, I prefer Yuuji and Gojo, but I am anal about internal consistency, so I use Yuuji and Gojou—plus Getou, Yuuta, Shouko, etc. The only exceptions I make are for Chōsō and Tōdō because Chousou and Toudou make my eyes bleed.

[scienceoftheidiot]

🛒🎢 🥰 for the writer asks! 🥰

Thank you so much for asking !!! Sorry for the novel lol

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Oh, my. Okay let's try this, looking at all my fics and original stuff.

Themes : overall I write a lot of angst - with or without happy ending (I'd say 90% with happy ending but uh, I have written Ripper Street fics and uh. Misery all over, thanks), romance (especially now that I fell into Royai but really there's almost always a couple at the center of what I write so), family - either blood or found and dysfunctional or not (team Mustang is found family, fight me). Now for the funny part : death, loss and grief, war (Royai of course brings that and there's a lot of war stuff coming, but I do have war AUs already lying around. And a couple of soldiers with PTSD in Ripper Street stuff, I'm sorry Drake), aaaand I don't know if I'm very gore or not but I tend to like gory stuff so, you're warned.

Feels : look at this perfectly sane character. Now they have anxiety. (Wonder why 🙃). Lots of others but yeah I tend to get rid of my own anxiety this way. (RIZA. RIZA I AM SORRY don't worry Roy gets some too).

Scenes : I'm a sucker for dialogue, so expect lots and lots of dialogue scenes (actual funny ones! I do make humor sometimes!). Sometimes I feel bad because I feel most of my fics are just talking heads but I'm having fun so I guess that's just the point of it, you know.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Ow, though question. I don't know. Let's say right now I'm knee deep into one fic that is already over 32K and is not even reaching its (not very planned) middle so I guess it counts as a wild ride?

This and also writing four hands on another fic with @qs63 which is very new to me and an absolute blast. 😃😘

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

ASK ALL THE QUESTION. SEND ALL YOU WANT I WILL REPLY. Some people around here already know I'm always ready to talk about my (or other's) fics and even share parts of WIPs if you ask 😜 ! As much as I say I write for myself, I LIVE for reader interaction, like many writers I'm sure 😅❤️

Send me some emoji asks ? (Or reblog and get one from me 👀)

[ere-the-sun-rises]

It is hard, and it can easily make you bitter and frustrated.

There's a weird balance to strike, because if they ask too much, they become invasive. "No, I'm not okay. I'm never okay, and you damn well know that. Stop asking me about it." But if they don't ask at all, it's isolating. "Oh, I guess I was right. They don't care that I'm in agony."

In my own experience, myself being in chronic pain and two of my other family members having chronic illnesses, there's a couple things that help alleviate this:

Epicurean hedonism. No, not joking. This philosophy aims to live a good life by avoiding pain and pursuing pleasure, but in a "sum total" lind of way as opposed to moment-to-moment.

Essentially, you avoid as much *unnecessary* pain as possible while engaging with things that make life better for you. But not all pain is bad and not all pleasure is good. For instance, attending physiotherapy may really suck, but overall your body will function and feel better; on the other hand, you can have a great time getting plastered, but the hangover the next morning isn't worth it.

In terms of illness, this also helps you learn to set limits. You assess what needs to be done in terms of a) can I actually accomplish this and b) are the costs of doing so worth the pain i'll be in? If the answer to either is no, then do not do the task, or get assistance to help you.

It also helps in setting personal limits and priorities. For example, if you suffer badly from fatigue, prioritizing getting 8 hours of sleep is paramount and everything else can be dealt with later because getting this sleep will minimize your pain now and overall.

For those struggling to will themselves to take medication, it also helps. Will you feel better taking it? Do the side effects outweigh the benefits? You're looking to be in as little pain/distress as you can - will/are these meds accomplishing that? If yes, then the pain of taking them is vastly outweighed by the pleasure/benefit of taking them.

The other step is parsing out what is "background radiation" pain and what is "oh, oh no" pain.

For instance, my entire body usually aches in some way and I lose dexterity in my hands. This is the "background radiation", a baseline of what you can reasonably expect yourself to deal with day-to-day. But when I've been writing for too long and my hands start a stabbing pain, I've passed the "oh no" threshold.

It's once you're over the "oh no" threshold that help is both wanted and helpful. Someone offering me advil will make me feel cared for and seen without being overbearing.

Obviously there are increasing levels of "oh no" that differ in severity and require different responses from your support system, but that's okay.

Last thing is to COMMUNICATE.

It's easy to get lost in our own misery sometimes, but we get good at dealing with it and sometimes it's hard to tell if we need help from the outside. Tell your support you need them if you do, even just for emotional/moral support.

Also, as uncomfortable as it is, you will have to tell new people in your life what's wrong and what your limits are. Not immediately, necessarily - you can get comfortable with them first, but you do need to tell them.

Remember, people don't know what you don't tell them.

And one very important caveat:

If you tell a loved one you need help/support and they ignore you on purpose, or they override/dismiss you about what you need, you will need to look for support elsewhere. I'm sorry, but if they will not take you seriously to start, they will not believe you in a crisis.

There is nuance to this - one person's mom telling them a walk around the block will help their depression may be offering genuine advice while another may be using it as a dismissive disparagement.

You know your loved ones best, so make a judgment call, but try not to be too reactionary to them until you're sure. After all, they need to take care of themselves too and it's not fair to punish someone genuinely attempting to help/offer solutions even when they're unhelpful or unwanted.

Some things you can do to make life more bearable, for mental or physical conditions (if you are autonomous enough to do so):

Routine. Daily routine is so, so helpful.

Shower every day or every-other day. Being clean will make you feel so much better.

Take your medication. Please.

Wash your bedding once a month. You don't realize how gross is can get and you forget how lovely a clean bed is.

Change clothes. Even if you're not leaving the house or doing anything, changing clothes has a similar effect to a clean body/bed.

Go outside, if possible. Walk around the block or to a park or sit in your backyard.

Open windows in your home whenever you can and get plants. The new air will refresh your living space and humans are biologically wired to need to see greenspace. (This is a big part of seasonal depression.) So get plants and put at least one in each room. Vines are particularly pretty and hardy (and cheap.)

Clean your living space if you can. Particularly your floors, kitchen and bathroom.

Fill up your space with colour. Bland spaces make you feel bland. If your space reflects you and your interests, it is more comfortable to be in generally and when recovering.

Stuffed animals. They're cute and make you feel good when you squeeze them. Especially Squishmallows (which are also washing machine safe!)

Don't deny yourself things you "should be better than" - take that advil, brace that knee, go to bed early, listen to that ocean white noise. You only accomplish amplifying your own pain and discomfort and the people who say you shouldn't need them won't respect you any more for having abstained.

I think… there's a certain part of the human brain that craves attention when we are suffering. Deep down, we all want people to take care of us when we feel sick. Like when we're kids and our parents would feed us and and dote on us. Especially when your parents were otherwise… not good to you, being ill was the one time you got positive attention and compassion.

With chronic pain and illness, you don't tune out that desire to be doted on and loved in times of suffering. You force yourself to ignore that need because you think it'll never be fulfilled by the people around you. Where's my mom to make me soup when I'm sick or check my temperature? Where's my friends to drop by just to see how I'm doing?

And I think I'm often caught between wanting support from the people around me and not wanting to feel like a burden. Then I avoid reaching out to get support and then feel resentment towards others for not giving me the support and attention I wanted deep down.

I'm not entirely blameless in my social frustrations related to my chronic pain, but I do think there's something to be said about how devastatingly isolating it can feel to be a person with chronic pain/disability/illness and know that you will never get your needs from others fully fulfilled to the extent you want. Learning to find that balance of tempering your expectations, fulfilling your own needs, and communicating to your support system what specifically you need. At least... I hope that's something I can learn as a skill over time.

A stable and proactive social support system is one of the most important things a chronically pained person can have, I think.

[mellow-worlds]

I practiced a lot of guitar

I started watching Detective Heart of America for the third time or so

I went to the fair with my friends! It was pretty spontaneous and it was so much fun! I'm so glad I got to go with them. I'm so happy they invited me. I just hope they didn't feel compelled to have me with them. We went on some attractions and it was pretty fun. At the beginning, F and I had to wait for the others to arrive and we talked a lot and that was very nice. Not a single moment of awkward silence! Going around I sometimes felt like I was the fifth wheel sometimes, but that was ok, and not nearly as bad as it could've been.

We went on a little ferry just to let the evening end nicely and we went to the beach. It was nice! I talked a lot with T and S tried to climb a boulder. V and S even were practicing for something which they hadn't revealed to us yet and made T and I go away. We talked and it was fun. I hope I one day still get to see what they were practicing, which means I hope I meet them again before they do interrail, because yk... Idk if I'll ever see them again. What sucked a little was that F received a pretty unhelpful message from their partner and they were on the phone for a very long time because they're breaking up now. T did a very good job trying to comfort them but I didn't know what to do. V and S expressed that they were sorry, but then just kept on talking between themselves normally, since they don't know F all that well. I just kind of stuck around T and F (since I don't really know S and V that well) but never knew what to say. It really sucked. We spent the entire way back like this.

Overall I'm just happy I got to see my friends again. I'm so happy that we did something together because otherwise I would've just spent the entire day in bed. I thought about being dead a lot and I felt kind of happy. It felt a little weird, but at this point, I don't really care whether I die or not. Honestly I can't imagine the misery of surviving and then having to spend so much time without seeing my friends who are away even once. I mean I'll also be away for a while, but not seeing my friends isn't doing me any favors. I love it so much and I wish I could spend every single minute with them. I don't think I'd ever get sick of them. Of course they'd get sick of me. I don't suppose I'm a very pleasant person, sadly.

[arbis-official]

So about Endwalker...

Spoilers about literally the entire plot of Endwalker below. Fair warning that this is a relatively negative review of the expansion (though I did like it overall). If you want to have a discussion about what I've said then I'm all for it, and I'll even accept valid criticisms about my interpretation, but please don't "you just don't get it" me. I do get it, I like the expansion. Just giving it a bad grade in execution in a way that personally bothers me.

I love FFXIV with all my heart and I think Endwalker was a great expansion but idk, there's something about the way it's presented that does not play nicely with my emotional state.

I think it's because like.... You've created a universe where canonically every single civilization across all of history except for this one Earth-analogue, without fail, has either been fought to extinction, or, more commonly brought up, have chosen to kill their entire planet out of despair/ennui/apathy. This is a game where you on Ethyris are the only source of life in the known universe because everyone else has either been killed or killed themselves, because happiness was so universally unattainable that they decided they would rather go extinct.

And like, I am not ignorant that the point of the expansion was about hope in the face of despair, about perseverance and that hard times are worth it because there is joy at the end of it.

But, in my opinion, the game does not at all do a good enough job conveying the "but" of the nihilism. Like, sorry, countless civilizations through eons chose to kill themselves and left you alone in the universe to live and die and live and die until you die for good either by your own hand, another's, or nature... and you think your group of friends saying "but they were wrong tho :/" makes up for that???

I am a very nihilism-prone person, and I understand I do not have the mindset of the majority of this game's players. But my experience playing this game was having to see with my own eyes the near-inevitability and futility of trying to find joy in an uncaring universe.... and then solving the problem by killing one bird girl.

To me, this expansion felt like a bunch of "it gets better ❤️" -esque empty platitudes that do nothing to address the fact that the entire universe is fucking dead and you've just spent the last couple dozen hours speaking with their miserable husks, involuntarily resurrected by a malevolent being when all they want, and beg you for, is to not exist.

Like I seem to be in the minority on this based on conversations with friends but idk dude, I don't think we can just "uwu the power of friendship" our way out of that one! Especially when the aforementioned power of friendship is that all your friends (afayk in that moment) died to help you! Like wow! Awesome!

I just think if you're going to create something that posits questions like, "why go on in the face of tragedy?" "what gives life meaning when everything feels meaningless?" "how do you find joy?" .... you better provide damn good answers to those questions, and in a way that the player can understand and believe those answers more than the miserable view you just presented.

I really don't think EW did that, and the only reason I'm not absolutely fuming in frustration (despite how long this is, I'm really not, I just talk a lot) about it is, unironically, the Omicron tribe quests. A story of friendship between a lopporit and one of the dead husk-species as you slowly and with hard work start to spark hope in the other husk-species and show that even after losing everything and in the depths of their despair, the memory of like, a dessert that reminds them of their sacred mountain can start to rekindle that hope just a little bit.

That's what endwalker should have been. Not just a romp through misery and despair that gets solved once you show a bird girl hope by... beating her ass? And somehow that succeeding in reminding her of how she used to be. Because if you spend 95% of your time talking about the despair, then spend the last 5% implying the despair is misguided and wrong but not actually developing that in any meaningful way... I'm going to remember and side with the despair.

[outlustings]

How about that one female psychiatrist that had the phantom pregnancy losing a few screws and going back to mount. Massive, looking for Eddie because *he promised to give her a real baby*

Not like her no good husband

She, of course, comes when shit went to hell, even sees Eddie's handiwork, but like

She's already too far gone

Go as wild as you want!

(so okay this is not a feel good fic this is bad and awful like objectively. not fun.

includes descriptions of gore and corpses and violence and injury and graphic sex and uhh uhhh yeah. majorly nsfw oops. eddie is mean and awful. implied super awful things too. if you squint. also fem!reader, i guess. please scroll down for the tags if you feel iffy about violence bc possible triggers!

also did you know that the american quartet also made a song about weddings and it's a "wife bad" song from the 1910s? well. i injected it into this piece of deranged obscene content.

enjoy!)

PART 1 here (there's no smut i swear)

×

You stared at the wall of the nursery, eyes skittering over pastel flowers and purple elephants on uneven drywall. The brownish peach peeked out in strips from below, like infected flesh. You had always hated how the house came with that colour on the walls - it was always so ugly.

You turned your trembling palms over and over, eyeing your fingers, skin covered in peeled paint, a disgustingly pretty bluebell stuck in crescents underneath your nails, melting into the pink, swollen flesh of your nailbeds. Infected. Stupid, it was all so stupid.

You didn't know where your husband was. He was gone. You remember him mumbling about something to the ambulance staff and just - disappearing. Just gone. Poof. You hated him, but you couldn't blame him.

How long had it been?

A week, maybe two. Your cunt still stung every time you tried to sit down, your abdomen tender around the stitches. Maybe even more than two weeks, three, maybe even six or seven. You didn't really know.

Your baby was gone - but he was trapped inside someone else - no, not gone. You had to get to him. He was still inside someone else, right? You knew this, you knew it all because of all the dreams, the blood dreams of doctor - doctor... You swore you had met him once before. Worked with him. Before the writhing, crawling clots of blood on your bathroom floor, before the flies and the buzzing. But none of it mattered, not now, when you had so much work to do. Your son.

You had to get to Eddie - how could you have been so stupid as to ignore his words, ignore his love? He was right, he would be able to give - give you - a baby. Yes, it all made sense. Eddie Gluskin was always meant to be the father of your child, and you had foolishly ignored his devotion to you. Like an idiot. A lunatic. Yes, he was perfect, and you knew that he would fill the emptiness inside you, make it all better.

You had thought of him when your house was empty. As your bills and notices started piling up day by day, you laid in your own nest and fucked yourself with your fingers, thinking of him, his smell and his touch, the way he stroked his cock through his jumpsuit that one time, begging for you to ignore the security cameras. You missed him. With every painful orgasm, you missed him even more. He had ruined you.

                                       ×

There was something on the radio - box elder bugs. Something about box elder bugs. Pill box. Pill box hat. Jackie Kennedy wore a pill box hat when her husband's head got blown into bits on her lap, right? Pills. You shook your pills out of the box, watched them slip through your fingers and down the drain like little white pieces of your skull. Your head ached the closer you got to Mt. Massive, nausea creeping up your esophagus as the road ahead of you turned into a blur of gravel and dust and petrichor. Grey, pulsating pebbles. The buzzing and Eddie, all of it mingled together.

                                       ×

You eyed the hanging women in the ceiling, watched their limp, rugged forms swing amidst the forest of ropes, grimaced at their slit bellies. Like your own, but the cut was made in the wrong way. Wrong, not like yours. Maybe - maybe that's why they were there, hues of soft peach turning purple through livor mortis, skin slipping from decaying wounds, bulbous, pert, unnatural breasts like teratomas crawling with sutures and maggots - maybe they were too ugly for Eddie. They weren't you.

He was always so sweet.

You smiled to yourself. Triumphantly. You were nothing like them. Your body was perfect for him, he'd always said so. So accomodating of his needs, so perfectly soft and pretty. You blinked up at the ceiling, watched sticky, rotten, brown blood drip from the toes of your competitors like coppery rain, and you knew, you knew you had won the minute you stepped into his cell for the first time so many months ago. No one would ever compare. No one.

You laughed, the pungent smell of decaying flesh shoving itself down your throat, but you didn't care. Not when you could openly laugh at what was supposed to be your competition. Was this what he was up to when you were gone? Closing his eyes and imagining the heat, if there was heat, around his stiff flesh was yours?

You turned on your heels, jumping over broken floorboards and piles of rope, felt splinters digging into your heels.

"Eddie?" you called out into the hallways, walking slowly, as if in a trance, it all felt dream-like. All of the white dresses, those lovely, lovely words on the wall - some of them you recognised from the little post-it notes Eddie slipped you from time to time when you were his doctor. The charcoal shimmer of a pencil on neon pink melted into crimson on uneven cream concrete. Oh, you loved it, he always had an eye for such things, although his handwriting was a little off. Childish, almost. But you never mentioned it, a good wife overlooks such things.

                                       ×

"That parson was a married man, he had some sympathy - He'd said: my boy just take a look at me..."

You found him in a dark room, hunched over a sewing machine, his large foot tapping a rhythm on the floor as his other foot pressed against the pedal. He was whistling. Humming. Then whistling again. Sighing.

All to the tune of the radio.

"Just fifty years ago today for me those bells did chime - and every year was just like doing time..."

He even did the little thing where he stretched his neck by craning it from side to side, rolling his shoulders and letting out a huff before resuming his work. You had almost forgotten how he looked when he was concentrating on something. Even from behind, you knew how he had his lips parted, his tongue stiff in concentration, you had seen it many times in the group therapy rooms. Fingerpainting and all that. You watched the fabric ripple underneath the needle. White and red.

You cleared your throat. He jumped up. So fast. Such reflexes - like a beast. Your strong Eddie.

He was just as tall, just as broad as you had remembered. But he looked worse than before. His handsome face was less full, sharper, riddled with bloody rashes and cuts, his eyes as red as the flesh beneath it. He looked bad.

"Oh, Eddie," you sighed, "What did they do to you?"

"It's you," he choked out, his breath making the dust dance in the air. You watched it swirl, light skittering across dirt and dead skin, like little halos. Your angel. Angel. Funny.

"I'll give you one more chance to save your life he softly said..."

"Yeah," you nodded and smiled widely, a breathy laugh bubbling in your chest as you watched him stare you down, "I'm back."

"Why?"

"And then once more I heard the service read..."

You blinked at him.

"Why what? I'm here now," you cocked your head, tried to flutter your eyelashes, make it all better, but he approached you in quick strides, pouncing on you without nothing but a growl leaving his chest. Deep and rumbly. Angry.

He grabbed you by the hair, twisting his fingers into your scalp, tearing and pushing you down until your knees gave out and you sagged onto the floor, held up by your stinging scalp as you whined and squealed, pleading.

"Eddie - no, no - listen to me!"

"You left me."

"I know - I know - I was stupid!" you gasped, bitter tears making your vision blurry, your breaths shallow and panicked as you clawed at his wrist. Strong. Too strong.

"Do you take this woman for your lawful wife? - I do, I do..."

"You shouldn't have left me," he hissed, "Just another slut, begging for my attention, leading me on, coming back when you need me..."

"Do you swear to cherish her for all your life? - I do, I do..."

He tugged at your hair, shaking your head like a limp, dead catch, punctuating his every word with a harsh twist in your hair that made your scalp sear.

"You selfish -," he whispered, lifting you up from the floor, ignoring your hyperventilation as your eyes shot wide open from the pain, "- little -," he licked his teeth, bringing your eyes to his own, harsh, icy blue, gleaming with rage as he shook your head one last time, " - cunt."

"I know," you wheezed, trying to nod in his grip, feeling how it softened as he let out a small grunt, giving you relief, making you sigh ever so slightly, "I fucked up, Eddie, I - I should've known that my b-baby - you have it."

"Do you know this means to bed at ten o'clock...? - And you'll have to hide your money in your sock..."

He let go of your hair with a tug that stung your scalp like the strike of a whip as he pulled his hand back, grabbing your shoulder, squeezing. Almost tenderly.

"What do you want from me?" he hummed, "Such a typical woman - coming back with your tail between your legs..." he stroked your hair, his thumb moving to your chin, resting against your bottom lip, "Tell me, was it worth it? Leaving me here?"

"No," you whispered, "Please, give it to me."

"Give what?"

"Give me a baby. I - please, Eddie."

His hand moved to your neck. Squeezed. But you didn't step back, only whimpered.

"You want - my child?" he purred.

"Yes."

"Eager?"

"I know you can do it."

The radio's static buzz filled your brain.

"Do you know it's just like jumping off the dock...?"

He laughed, tightening his grip on your neck, thumb pressed against your windpipe as he pulled you close to his chest, his eyes peering down at you as you felt his broad chest rise and fall against you. By god, he was tall.

"You poor thing," he cooed, "You want me to put a baby in you?"

You gasped.

"Yes-s-s..." you nodded, breath catching in your throat, making you gag, "Please."

"I do, I do..."

Eddie lowered his lips to you, hot breath fanning over your open mouth. You felt his hard cock against your abdomen.

"I don't know if I can forgive you," he said, his face contorted into a cold smirk, his blue eyes so sharp you almost felt them pierce your own eyes - maybe they did pierce your eyes, made hot tears run down your face as your vision blurred and your breath was stuck outside of your body, "But I could try."

You nodded feverishly against the calloused flesh of his palm. You tried to open your mouth, but all that came out was a pitiful wheeze. His grip on your throat softened.

"I'll make sure you're all nice and filled up again, my love. I know this all has been - hard on you. Just let me take care of you."

His kiss was hungry, heavy, all teeth and no gentleness. But you forgave him. As you tasted your own blood and his sweat and something on his tongue that smelt of sweet decay - you forgave him and pressed against his body, your hands sliding down the rough stitches of his vest, down, down to his waistband, where the bulge of his erection was hard and heated against your hand. He grunted inside your mouth, drew your tongue in, his hips grinding against your touch. He craved it.

"My darling, my love," he sighed, grinning against your lips as he rolled his hips against you, his hands cupping your face, fingernails digging into your flushed cheeks, "How I've missed you. Your perfect -..."

He swallowed.

"Ah, such vulgar thoughts. We aren't - we aren't even wed yet, you slut, and you're - fuck - stroking my cock...?"

"I want you," you whimpered, "Married or not, I want you."

Eddie groaned, pressing into you harshly as you wrapped your fingers around him, felt the engorged head against your palm, wet, hot, needy. Ready.

"It's a sin," he muttered.

"We don't have to tell anyone."

"Whore," he spat.

"I know," you bit your lip, pulling his trousers down a bit further, making his cock spring up from its confines. You bent down to kneel, but Eddie twisted his fingers in your hair.

"Later," he grunted, "I - we need to... get started. Fuck, let me - fill you up."

                                      ×

Eddie wasn't tender, but you were used to it. You knew him.

It was like he was made for you, your wretched body, filling it up again and again while clawing at your hips, his thumb on your clit, pressing down harshly, clumsily. You were made for each other, his cock filled your tight cunt just perfectly, and you didn't even mind the sting as he fucked you without lube, you didn't mind it at all after the third round, with his seed making you slippery and ready, needy for more. His hands on your throat, those full lips parted as he swore at you, called you horrible names as his balls slapped against your ass, tears streaming down his face, dripping onto the bruises on your swollen chest as he asked again and again: "Why did you leave me?"

You didn't know. It all felt so stupid, all of it. You didn't even remember why you'd left him, why you'd ever ran away from your groom, your one true love. You tasted blood as he smacked you in the face again and again, pulling out to cum on your belly as you spat out a tooth. Somehow, the words baby teeth wormed into your mind, made you giggle, as he splayed his palm over your full abdomen, cooing about your womb taking his seed so well.

He was making an honest woman of you.

Eddie was perfect, so forgiving and loving. Stroking your face, kissing you, licking and sucking the blood from your tongue and humming praises as he fingered you through another burning orgasm, just to make sure his cum stayed inside you.

"We mustn't waste a drop, my love. Are you spent? No? Good, we'll try again in the morning."

Such a good man he was.

×

(tried something new with the narration and structure of this, key word "tried". if you don't like it come to my house and we can fight about it with appropriate homoerotic undertones. thanx.)

[crystallized-anxiety]

Hi OP!!

1. Yes I'm really happy!!

2. Many things make me happy 🫶 some make me happy for a short period of time, and some help me build long term happiness that stays all the time (y'know the kind of happiness that is still there when nothing is happening? That one)

I am going to put things under the cut for the list so you can have ideas! I'm rooting for you!

3. Idk... I wouldn't change anything, I think? I mean, I have ongoing goals/ things I want to do that will improve my life or that will bring me joy when I accomplish them and/or while I accomplish them, but it's not stuff I want to change about my life, per se. Maybe I don't understand your question very well, sorry!

Detailed answer under the cut!

Categorizing things helps me a lot, so here is a chart that summarized types of happy things for me

One axis is for how happy a thing will make me.

Long term rewards means stuff that will create happiness constantly and/or will contribute to my baseline happiness. However, these types of things often require more work, a continuous investment of time and effort, and it takes time before they start producing happiness. Good examples (for me) include: finding meaning in my day job, helping my community, create and nurture long-lasting friendships, etc.

Instant gratification is for stuff that will bring me joy instantly. Obviously this is a scale, but you do have things that bring very quick gratification. These things usually take less time/ effort to achieve, but usually do not contribute baseline happiness. Good examples (for me) include: drinking good quality coffee, watching a comfort movie/ show, getting my blankets out to a nice spot on a clear night to watch the stars, etc.

On the other axis you have the process of how that thing will make me happy. It's easier to think of this axis as "remove" vs "add".

A good example is :

Removing dirty dishes from my kitchen (by cleaning, throwing, whatever) will contribute to my happiness and overall wellbeing. It's on the removal side. It's removing something that made me actively less happy.

Adding decorations for a festive occasion I celebrate in my home will contribute to my happiness. It is on the adding side. It's adding an extra something or other that actively makes me more happy.

The whole trick of this quadrant is that things move on both axes, all the time. For example, today, cleaning my apartment is on the "Removes irritant+ Instant gratification" quadrant. Because it takes little to no effort for me to vacuum my apartment.

There is also an equation to keep in mind when walking along the horizontal axis of this graph:

Back when I was in deep, deep depression, the same action was in the "removes irritant+ long term reward" quadrant. I had no energy, my life was in shambles. Vacuuming my apartment needed to be planned because, while it was necessary, I sometimes had to choose between cleaning and eating and cleaning simply could not win every time.

Keep in mind that there is no moral judgement on this chart. No type of happiness is "worth" more than another. As in all things, you need balance : you cannot feasibly work exclusively on long-term gratification stuff, but you need some happiness NOW to keep you running and fuel your life etc.

And of course what you can do with your energy levels / spoons needs to be taken into account!! This is all just a very short post on a complex topic and obviously needs to be tailored to your specific situation etc etc. I'm just hoping it'll offer a starting point to help you find your path to joy.

Joy = (joy added by your actions, long term or short term) - (dissatisfaction/misery generated by various irritants and painful things in your life)

So sometimes, no matter how much "adding" you do, you cannot remain happy because the bad stuff is ALWAYS there and ALWAYS sucking out joy. It's time to remove irritants!!

Some irritants, how to remove them is obvious: trash makes bad smell, bad smell at some point becomes unbearable, must take out trash to access joy again.

Some irritants, how to remove them is much less obvious : this person in my life is bringing me a lot of pain but I cannot bear to part with them right because [I have nowhere to go/ they have nowhere to go/ I will be all alone if they leave/ other painful reason]. At some point the pain this person brings into my life is too much and I can no longer feel happy.

In this second case, it's obviously much harder to "solve" the irritant situation. If you are in such a case, there are many great resources online to help you and it is not the object of this post. Back when I was in a very abusive situation with nowhere to go for over a decade, what helped me a lot was compartmentalizing. The people I was with were awful, but I focused on small bursts of instant joy, and by compartmentalizing my life to the extreme, I made it through.

This is not advice. Again, such complex situations are not the object of this post, but I just want to illustrate that it can be done. You can find a tiny bit of joy even in the face of The Horrors, and that tiny bit of joy will help you hang on until you vanquish The Horrors and then you will be able to build a life of love and happiness. I promise.

Now to give you a tip. A little secret sauce, if you will. There is a trick that can turn almost anything on the "instant gratification" part of this quadrant into something that has the same effect on your baseline happiness as a "long term reward item", but without adding in extra effort.

It is a trick that takes a long time to master, that's the catch.

It's going to sound super phony, but it's gratitude. I know, I know, I sound like a shitty self-help book, but you gotta understand. Sometimes times are hard. Even in a very happy life, sad things out of your control can (and most probably will) happen. Illness, death, personal or national tragedies.... Such is the nature of life.

And it will be hard. Even for very well-adjusted people, it's really hard.

So what you need to do is practice your gratitude in advance, so that when times are hard it's already there and it can feed you a little bit of joy.

Think of gratitude as a post-happy procedure. Let's say I've done an "instant gratification" action, like drink a very good cup of coffee. I will capture the warm glow of the coffee in my memory and put it in a little "for later" jar. I will try to preserve it.

And when things are rough because I'm out of a job, strapped for cash, etc etc, I will take out the little jar, and smell the memory of the coffee scent, and feel the glow and think "man, that cup of coffee was so good. Little things really can bring joy and life can be good. So it can get good again. I just need to get through this bit. It'll be ok"

The tricky part in this to both do it genuinely and to not taint the memory. Let me explain:

Doing it genuinely:

I need you to understand that you are not supposed to go through life being miserable all the time. Gratitude does not mean pretending you're ok and saying "I just need to get through this bad week" every single week forever. Good weeks should be the norm.

So looking at a happy memory in time of hardship should be done in such a way that it does bring a spark of joy, no matter how small. This will be achieved differently for everyone, and it's hard to put in place!!! I know I went through a big period of "fake it till you make it" because things were just awful. At the time something that helped me was writing down the happy stuff so that I could look back on when things were bad. Writing letters to "sad future me" was important because at the time, when I was sad, my brain forgot what joy ever felt like and every single happy memory before simply was deleted from my brain. I also had letters from friends and loved ones with very kind things on them to remind me of love and joy and things like that.

Not tainting the memory:

At the beginning gratitude is super hard because even if you manage to capture the moment and everything, when you bring it out in a time of need, it can turn you bitter. Instead of thinking "that was really nice, things will be nice again :) ", your brain might instead go "that was really nice, and now it's gone, and it will never be the same, and I will be miserable forever". This is not a failure on your part, it's just genuinely hard to practice this. So you gotta practice it when things are good to Pavlov your brain into doing it automatically when things are bad!!!

It's hard to do!! I know it is!! But I swear it can be done. I love you and I believe in you.

Okay, now for the list of things that make me happy daily!!!

- Stargazing when the night is clear. I make a whole show of it. I bring out a blanket on a specific spot, I put on specific music, I make a HUGE deal of it because making a huge deal of small good things is how I get maximum joy from small good things.

- My friends, my Beloved, and all the relationships I have in my life right now. I have a wall of pictures of the people I love. I took each picture at a random moment where I told them I loved them, and I captured their face at that moment. And that's how I have a wall of pictures of people whose eyes sparkle and whose smile is full of joy because they love me too.

- Video games!! I love playing video games and again, I make a big show of it every time. I do a specific set up with my plushies, I announce it to my cat, and I do maximum coziness

- Reading, too, same as above.

- Creating and general, so writing and art etc etc

- Planning things I like. Let's suppose I want to eat a specific dish next week, a dish that I love very much. I will choose a day where I can take the time to cook the dish, and I will write it on my fridge calendar with a small note "eating favorite dish!!! Yay!!" And I will be giddy and happy about it every time I see my calendar.

It's very late here and I need to go back to sleep (originally I woke up to go to the bathroom), but the gist of it is really to romanticize my life. You ever watch a Ghibli movie, like Kiki's delivery service, and see how colourful and joyous it is, and think "man, I wish I could live like that." ? Well you can!! I promise!!

I put up piano music and waltz in my kitchen while I make coffee every morning. I became friends with my local baker and so when I go get some fresh bread I ask him how his daughter is dealing with highschool! I spend a lot of time at the pharmacy every month because I take a lot of meds, so I also became friends with the pharmacist nearest to me, so much so that I sent her pictures of my cat after I adopted him!

Sometimes things seem insanely bleak. I know they do, I've been there.... But I promise you, you can build a life that will bring you more joy than you could have ever imagined

Hey guys, this is a bit of a weird request but can you guys answer these and reblog so I get more answers, please?

1. Are you happy right now as you read this?

2. What makes you happy?

3. If you could change anything to make you happier what would it be?

[gerrydelano]

NEW CHAPTER! and just when i needed it most… i was at my brothers basketball game 😔😔 leo my beloved 👍👍 fuck landlords !!! ohhhh we’re getting into peoples church territory now.. WAIT THIS MEANS… CALLUM?????? mayhaps.. ohhh this is making me sad now. ok . “landlords aren’t people” get his ass!! ohhh their dad.. this could be very very bad.. ok it was neutral! that’s better than i expected lolz. ohhhhhhh hahahaha GO AMANDA LMAO 👍👍 “Sent from my iPad” me too. okkkkkkk chatty old lady? weird encounter w that guy.. hmmmmmmm 🤔🤔 very much enjoyed!!!

the basketball blues........ RIP.

leo really said Direct Action through Shit We All Wish We Could Do But Is It Actually Morally Acceptable? Is It? haha yeah it is

OWO... gee i wonder what child the peoples church could be about to kidnap in the coming months... cuz yknow, i would never use the niche central characters ren has written about, ever,

misery<3 isla-mae baby i'm so sorry

landlords are NOT people! this is fine to be doing! sure!

david was pretty neutral here overall, yep! which is technically good but DAMN if it isn't disappointing, too.

amanda rules she's a very capable businesswoman and used to work in HR somewhere so she knows how to deescalate things and has been whipping him into shape purely by not taking his shit except when she's taking his money <3 queen

sent from my ipad how ive missed you...

be nice to the chatty old lady! that was the highlight of gerry's month, he loves encounters like that

encounters like the last one not so much though yes 🤔

i'm glad to hear it, thank you!!!!

[satellitesunset]

omg bestie what are ur top 10 glee numbers??? can be based on the song itself or the vibe of the scene on screen wtv floats ur boat. ur Starbucks anon here my coworkers & i were discussing after ur kurt furry post omg ur impact

my top 10 are:

1. BUST YOUR WINDOWS (nothing can top this for me,, nothing)

2. valerie

3. rumour has it / someone like you

4. thriller / heads will roll

5. valerie

6. dog days are over

7. ice ice baby (idc what anyone says glee cast ice ice baby superiority)

8. alone

9. whistle

10. vogue (will schuester i hate you just like ,, ya)

bestie!! I'm so proud of my impact very honoured Ty <3 🥰

my glee top 10 are ever changing, my overall glee playlist is almost 310 songs 🤭

also your taste??? amazing *chef's kiss*

also if those aren't 10 but I'm indesivicve >.<

one less bell to answer / a house is not a home or alone

my life would suck without you (which the first glee performances I've ever seen and it has a special place for me)

as if we never said goodbye (or being alive depends on the day)

boogie shoes or if I were a boy (Unique ma'am)

dog days are over

blame it on the alcohol (I love Artie's voice and Mercedes???)

disco inferno (all mercedes songs actually)

back to black or mine (santana's best solo sorry Valerie)

for good ( all hummelberry duets but this one!!)

I want you back (all S3-S4 Warblers songs and misery from S2 actually)

let me love you until you learn to love yourself, basically all Jake's and Marley's songs.

this is a bad list but thank you for the ask this was very fun!!

[starlightxsvt]

Pink Dress 5 || Joshua Hong au

Pairing: badboy!Joshua x female reader

Genre: slice of life, fluff, suggestive, slight smut

Warnings: nothing really, some cheesy shit ig

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

You didn't ever expect Joshua to show up at your door at 1am on a Saturday. You had finished your assignments staying up late and when you first see him after opening your door, you think you are dreaming.

"Hey," he says softly. You stare at him, ever so confused, taking in his tall frame wearng his leather jacket and his soft locks beautifully messed up. "Y/n?" He breaks your trance. "Oh...yea um, hi. What... brings you here at this hour?" You offer him an awkward smile.

"I... wanted to take you out on a...drive."

Drive?

"At one am?"

"...Yes..."

You chuckle awkwardly. What was he thinking?

Joshua sighs, "I-I've been really restless the past few days and I wanted to clear my head. I also figured I should talk to you. I've a lot to say so..."

Talk? Your mind races. What does he want to talk about? Joshua takes your silence negatively, "Right, I'm sorry, this was a stupid idea. You should sleep. I'll get going."

"No no no, wait. Now that I think about it, I'd like to go on a drive with you." You stop him.The smile he gives you makes your heart swell and you say, " Come inside. I'll need ten minutes to get ready."

-

"I took my dad's car," Joshua explains when you eye the jeep outside. He helps you in and then rounds the car to get in. "Would you like some music?" He offers, starting the car. You nod as he turns on the speakers, a chill melody playing. "So where are we going?"

"The beach," he replies. "I thought we should watch the sunrise together." You hum, resting your head back against the seat. It feels really nice.

Joshua breaks the long silence, "I hope your boyfriend won't mind."

"Huh?" You frown. "I hope Seokmin won't mind that I'm taking you out for a drive," he elaborates, his tone rather bitter.

Oh. You forgot that Joshua thought you were dating Seokmin and while you want to put him out of his misery, it is too fun to mess with him. So you decide to play along, "No it's okay. He won't mind." Joshua doesn't reply and you hide a smile, enjoying the game.

After a long while, the car stops amidst the sands and the ripples of the waves let you know you're there. You get out of the car, followed by Joshua who pulls out a blanket and some snacks from the back of the jeep. "Wow, you've come prepared," you joke and he smiles laying the blanket on the sand for you to sit on. He joins you after parking the car, sharing the quiet view with you. It's dark overall, except from the street lights behind you and the occasional cars that passed by.

You can feel Joshua tensed beside you and you feel bad for him. But you don't speak, waiting for him to say what he wants to say. And after a long, tensed silence, Joshua speaks, "There's a lot I want to say so please bear with me."

"I thought you brought me here to talk," you attempt a joke. Joshua sighs before mouthing, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I ran when you said you liked me. I was...scared. I never felt such emotions before. When you said you liked me, I was overwhelmed. I...I didn't know what to do because the way I feel for you scares me, Y/n."

You glance at him, his head hanging low as he stares at the sands. He continues, his voice strained, "My mother left me when I was young and my dad was always busy. He was too busy to worry about me or spend time with me. So I didn't really know how to accept love and return it. I've always... lfelt like a burden."

"Joshua you're not-"

"Hush. I'm an unworthy man, Y/n. I lack at so many things. And I'm sorry. I wish I was better...more like Seokmin. Everybody loves him. He's nice and kind and he makes you smile." Joshua looks at you, a sad smile on his face and you once again open your mouth to speak only to be shushed by him.

"I know that I've lost my chance but I wanted to be honest with you. I'm okay with you dating Seokmin because that's what you deserve. I just hope you won't abandon me." He says softly, staring at the sea in front of him. "I want you in my life, Y/n. Even if you think of me as a friend it's okay. You're a breath of fresh air. I feel like a better person when I'm around you. So I really hope you won't leave me."

"May I speak?" You murmur and Joshua nods.

"You... misunderstood." You bite your lip. Joshua frowns at you to express his confusion and you smile sheepishly, "I'm not dating Seokmin."

Joshua's eyes go wide like saucers and he's quiet for a bit. You keep on going, "I don't know why you started to think so but it was too fun to mess with you so I played along."

"B-but you and Seokmin hang out together... all the time."

"Yea but that doesn't mean we are dating. You and I used to hang out too, okay?" You reason.

Joshua looks flabbergasted as he runs his hand through his hair, processing what you said. "I... can't believe.... You- .... wow, after I just exposed myself bare to you you say- oh my god, Y/n, you really are something." He says a soft, relieved laugh escaping from him.

You smile, "Sorry."

He shakes his head, a smile lingering on his lips as he asks, "Does this mean I still have a chance?" You bite your lip, warmth kissing your cheeks as you nod softly. Joshua's eyes sparkle as they curve into crescents, a genuine smile spreading on his face. He takes your hand and softly kisses it, "Thank you, Y/n. Thank you for forgiving me. I'll try my best to keep you happy."

"It's okay, Joshua. As long as we're honest with each other and trust each other, we'll be fine." You reply, fondly looking at him. Joshua's eyes twinkle, the smile never really leaving his face as he leans in towards you. You hold your breath, his lips ghosting over you before meeting yours. Your eyes fall closed as he pulls you closer without breaking the kiss, his hands roaming on your back as you grab onto his lapels. Before you know it, Joshua moves you onto his lap as he deepens the kiss, his hands getting rid of the thin cardigan you are wearing. The cold air hits your arms and you pull back, breathing heavily. His eyes glow in the darkness, fueled by his lust and desire courses all through you.

"I missed you so much," his honey like voice wavers through the air as he starts kissing your neck. Soft moans escape you as you mumble a protest, "We're in public, you know."

"It's like 3 am Y/n." He's busy sucking marks on your neck.

"Yea but what if someone sees us."

"Then they'll watch."

"Joshua Hong!" You smack his arms and attempt to get off of him but his hold on you becomes tighter. He pins you down in the blanket, a smirk on his face. "I thought you brought me here to watch the sunrise." You pout.

"Yes and we still have a huge time left before the sun rises so why don't we spend the time doing something fun?"

"I'm not sure about your idea of fun, Joshua." You joke and he rewards you with a smile. "Let's go to my place after this. Its the weekend anyway."

"Your intentions are very bad, Mr. Hong."

"What? I just want to spend some time with my girlfriend."

The title makes you blush and feel giddy, a different kind of happiness spreading through you. You pull him closer and whisper, "I love you, Joshua." His eyes widen for a fraction before a smile envelopes his lips, "I love you Y/n."

And when you enjoy the sunrise a couple hours later, wrapped up in his arms, you know that you want this man beside you for rest of your life.

A long time later

"What do you think of a pink wedding dress, Shua?"

"You'll look gorgeous. I've told you, pink is your color, babe."

"Maybe we should get you a pink tuxedo."

"...If that's what makes you happy then sure, why not."

"You really are the best, Joshua."

"Oh yeah? Wait till I take you on our honeymoon."

"Mhmm, don't forget to wear your pink underwear."

"...You really know how to ruin the mood, babe."

A/N: Aaaand this marks the end of my first series :'D ! Don't forget to leave your feedbacks on this. Tbh when I posted the first part of Pink Dress I didn't think of turning this into a series but here we are! Thank you to everyone who read this and followed through, it really makes me happy. As always my inbox is open to let me know your thoughts! Stay safe! 💖

[cknightleyart]

Purple Phire Princess

Part 1

In fire there are many shades, hues, and tones. Once a pond a moment there was a princess made of the royalist of purples. She was named Phire after her father who ruled over the Flareany. One day when Princess Phire was 13 she was allowed to leave the Royal Palace on her own.

"Dearest daughter of mine be mindful that not all is fare in Flareany... Not all you meet will have your best interest at heart. Many will try to steal your light. Don't let them." Warned King Phire.

"How can one steal what is me?" Asked the Princess. "Who's out there?"

"Not all Flarens burn the same..."

"My'Light you are needed in the Skilletem." The serf said with widen eyes.

"Excuse me dearest daughter... Mind my words." The King said as he rushed to the Skilletem.

Princess Phire mind her father's warning before she left the kingdom. The Palacesgards opened the gates for her.

"When will you be coming back?" The Palacegard asked.

"Afternoon... I will be heading to Crimsunbrix

To meet a friend." Said Princess Phire. "Her name is Mesa Mora..."

"See you soon, My'Light." The Palacegrad said as she opened the castiron gates.

While Phire and Mesa walked the Boulevard of the farmers market they found a Mage doing tarot readings. A Ocean blue Flareany with silver hair came out her Witvhes booth heated. "What you mean I shall cause my own misery? I want a better future. Give back thy coin!"

"The cards had spoken! The future ain't free. You see you started the prophecy." Exclaimed the Witvh.

The boy stormed off. "Don't waste your coin on her." He told the girls.

"Come one. Come two. Let she what my cards claim for you." The Mage pointed at Phire and Mesa.

Of course they got their reading done despite the boys warning. They walked in the booth and admire the crystals dangling from the ceiling. The crystals washed over them before they sat side by side. The neon pink lights from the Witvhes deafpunk-mask characters shifted while she put the tarot in the desk-shuffler.

Phire watched the machine. The Witvh asked them to pick a type of reading off the menu. Each reading listed had an emjoi that makes her deafpunk pink. Mesa picked the 5th typed to the top. "That a reading for Romantica..." The machine handed Mesa the deck. "Pick 10 cards. You can look at them. But I suggest you don't."

Mesa laughed. She looked at each card before picking her 10. She placed the rest in the deck and handed the cards to be tempted by the Mage.

"Romantica or Love; the unlighten ones call it, is more than sexual. Transcends the physical and emotional... Your master card is the Ace of Swords." She pulled out the card with a hand emerging from a cloud holding a long sword. "You are a strong girl who will grow into a mightier woman. You will find Callers of every nation trying to romance you... However, they will not last... Now each card you picked are the lovers you will lose." She drew the other nine. "The Knight of Wishes. The Princes of Wishes. The Fool. The Joker. The Warrior. The Twin Flame. The Devil. The Mortal. And The Chibi Sun... Be careful of the Chibi Sun 'cause it's upside down."

Mesa felt the ooogies. "How do I lose them?"

"Does it matter you lost them. Just don't make that miss step thinking you found the one. The one isn't in this draw. There no card for him."

Phire felt the ooogies too. Was nervous about her turn. Since she didn't care for romance; she picked the 3rd type of reading. She loved the name Epicventura. She watched the machine shuffle. She picked 3 cards blindly. The Mage interpret them.

"Father Time. The Tower. Blooming Moonflower... Your a royalty. Real in flesh, soul and mind. I can tell by your cards you time is now... You will face new challenges past generations had not foreseen. However you will live happily enough after the wrecking." Said the Mage.

"How come her fortune is nice? All my lovers are going to die...?" Noted Mesa.

"You picked what you picked. The cards had spoken."

The friends carried on to enjoy the market buying beans till dust hit. On the way back to the Palace they came across a white cat with purple eyes being attacked buy a flock of crows. Phire scared the flock away from the white cat.

"Damn those birds... They pecked him to death. We gotta get him to the Palace." Said Princess Phire. She took the cat to the Firesages and in moments the once dead cat was living.

"Thank you for re-animating me..." Said the White cat suprising the Princess, Mesa and Firesage.

"What you can talk? How can that be" Asked the Firesage.

"Just how you learned." Replied the cat then jumped off the table onto his feet.

"You can stand?" Said Mesa.

"Well I don't know how that's so interesting. You stand every day... Now I must be going. My Major will be pissed. Which way to Sayaity?"

"Sayaity?" The Firesage said."You're from Sayaity? You're a long long way from home. Your in Flareany Palace"

"My Majors not going to like this one bit." After some further explanations they learned the cats name was Markham. He wasn't always a white cat. Do to a curse from a Warlovk in Sayaity he been turned. His Major Zir.Clarence been trying to reverse the curse but need 4 ingredients across the globe. He got issued A-shard from the liberty Bell in Decline, the blood of a vampire from Rubikity, and while he was in Rubikity going to Qiwishstone he ran into the flock of crows.

"Qiwishstone isn't that far from Flareany." Said Princess Phire. "What you need in Qiwishstone?"

"You're Father will not allow you to travel that a ways..." Said the Firesage.

"I need the feather of a Phoniex." Markham said.

" We can't just let a cat of his size travel his own. My father will understand I am of age I could it's not out of the kingdom." The Princes declared.

She asked her father when he was his sweetest. It was always after he took off his crown in his Study. Of course he didn't want his daughter to travel at-all, but he saw the fire in her eyes. That same flame he had when he was her age. If he said no he know she will do it in spite. He allowed her with the company of Mesa, The Firesage, and The Palacegard.

After the Firesmith made the party their armory they where ready to travel. Princess Phire armory was made of white gold with copper finishing. She wore cat-like claws that was made Osedon crystals that matched her booths; it kept her flame in-check.

Mesa armory was made of stainless steel. She was given two daggers that looked like a snake.

The Firesage armory was made of Rose Quarts. She was given a staff made of cherry wood with a ruby crystal; that would amplify her spell-accuraty.

The Palacesgard was made of Bismuth. Her weapon was shield with the sigil of Blue Fire with gold wings.

Markham Of'Sayaity armory was a jumper made of leather. He was also given a so thin blade it was naked to the human eye.

The met in the courtyard. After the Firesmith showed his administration for his models he told them each item work best together. "- the stone made works best in the sun. The metal made work best at night. Work as a unit and you'll do fine. And most importantly don't give my Smithin' a bad name."

"We wont." Promise Princess Phire.

The journey began in Menthol; outside Flaerity.

In Menthol the party had no trouble making there way to Newer Goldity. There they heard whispers of a bird made of fire attacking the pigs on Old Mans Jinkans farm.

"You know that Jinkans is a character. Very queer... If you ask me. Did he make bacon. Fire birds are long gone." Said the city man.

"Where is this old man Jinkans?" Markham asked.

"Which Witvh cured you? It's been years since I talked to a talking cat. Where you from? Everyone knows that Old Man Jinkans live on Old Town rd." Replied the city man.

On old town rd the party found the farmhouse of Jinkans. There liad the blacken skulls of his stock of pigs.

"No Flareany can cast such a fire. It must be the Phoenix." Mesa said in delight. "I feel sorry for the pigs tho-but you know..."

Markham was ecstatic. "Soon I'll be no more a feline. Let's see if Jinkans can tell us where it went."

"Pipe down. We can't just knock on the door of a old man demanding information. We should of thought this out." Said the Palacegaurd.

"True. He just lost his stock. Imagine how he must feel?" Princess Phire looked at the brunt farm.

"What are you doing?" Shouted a boy from the farmhouse. He ran up to them holding a hoe as a weapon. "This is private property! Not a theme park! Nothing to see here!"

Princess Phire recalled that boy from the tarot reading. His silver hair was in box-braids and he was dressed in overalls. His Ocean fire was more golden do being in a new city. His light made hers blush.

The Palaceguard shield the Princess. The boy tripped on his feet, face planting into a mug pie. The party laughed.

"Stop that's not funny..." Phire said forcing herself to stop laughing. "Are you alright?" She rushed to help.

"Perfectly fine. I don't need your pitty."

"How dare you talk to the Princess like that?" Said the Palacegard.

The boy noticed her royal fire. "I don't care if she is the Queen of Makebelieve... This is still private property. You rule over nothing here. And if you did you rule over dead pigs." Said the boy.

"We are not here to rule. We must talk to your grandfather-" Markham said.

"Old men Jinkans isn't my grandfather. He's my uncle. His name is just Jinkans. I'm Jincode. This is Jinfarms."

"I read of the Jinkin. I'm and Princess Phire daughter of King Phire and this is my party. We came to help Markham Of'Sayaity get a Phoniex feather to undo his catattitude..."

"So where is your Uncle?" Asked Mesa.

"He's away getting more pigs." Jincode explanated. He told them about the horror he witnessed on the day the Phoniex caused. "It came down like wildfire. It went east. I thought Fire birds where extinct? I thought wrong."

"They stay to themselves mostly in volcanoes. There must be one nearby." The Firesage said.

"There is no canoes to the east. That bird must be dumb... Just mountains. The Golderhills." Said Jincode.

"It must be inactived." Princess Phire said.

Jincode joined the party to seek revenge on the Phoniex. They traveled east to the Golderhills. The smell of burning bacon came from a cave. To there luck they found the Phoniex resting on top a bed of blacken skulls of pigs.

The cave was cold.

That was good for the party.

"Go get your feather so I can end it's life." Whispered Jincode to Markham.

"Jobs indeed." Said Markham. He leaped stone to stone where the resting Phoniex poached.

"That's one cool cat." Said the Palacegard.

Markham sneaked a pinch at the tail of the Fire bird. Getting the feather woke up the Phoniex and She roars. Her roar sounds like crystal cracking and embers burning. She pushed Markham away making him fall. The Firesage uses her staffs magic to catch him. The feather on the other hand was lost.

"Sugar we need another feather!" Markham said.

"No we don't it's right there!" Princess Phire said pointing at the spot. The feather was caught between a rock and a hard place. The Phoniex made the cave heat-up.

The Firesage attacked the wild beast with her magic to make it go to sleep. Each try was missed. The bird attacked them with a fireball. The Palacegard shield them all. The bird swings down to attack and Mess cut her with her snake dagger.

Unfortunately she got hit back by a blast of embers.

"Mesa!" Cried Phire. "We gotta get out of here!" The cave became too hot for even the Flareany princess. Her party left to rethink there plain.

Back at the Jinkans Farmhouse Uncle Jinkans laughed at them. "What was you thinking? It's a bird made of fire. There's no way your going to get that feather. KittyCat, get use to being a feline."

"I can't just give up. Do you know how hard it is to be a talking cat? It would be worst if I waa black." Said Markham.

"Don't fear Markham... We just need research. Do you guys have a computer with Internet?" Phire asked and Jincode showed her the house PC. It was a old model made in 2021 but Phire knew how to work it.

"Sorry for the oldness... We're not technology inclined. My grandfather grew up on this computer." Jincode said.

After serfing the world-wide-web for everything under Phoniex and Fire Bird.

Phire found out they are weakest after dust. She also learned that on the night of a new moon their fire is at its coolest.

The following day they went at dust to try for the feather. Jincode still wanted to kill the beast despite Phire telling him no one ever killed a Phoniex in the stories she researched.

He insisted that he's going to make history out of herstory. She laughed and blushed. Making Mesa feel the ooogies.

"Do they really gotta flirt? I never seen Phire like this." Mesa said.

"You sound jealous." Markham said.

"Its like I'm yesterdays news." Mesa stated.

They gone inside the cave to see the fasting Phoniex on her nest of skulls. The echo on Jincode's kicking a rock woken the Phoniex.

She roars causing the earth to shake.

"Thanks a lot Blueboy!" Mesa said drawing her daggers. "That Witvh was spot-on."

"Why bring her up." Jincode rolled his eyes.

The bird attacked with a breath of cold ash.

The Firesage blocked the attack. She spelled a rock in her control and tossed it at the beast. The beast cried as the rock hit her.

She spat green fire at the sage. The attack hit her and she fainted from the foreign flame.

The bird took flight and tossed stars at the rest of the party.

Phire added the yellow light into her. Her inner flame roared a burning berry tone. She grew inside and was able to punch the Phoniex. She got three jabs in before her power-up went out. She was drain.

Mesa blocked the starts with her daggers who ate them. They where full and grew into a two dual swords. They gave her the ability to turn invisible.

Markham hid behind a stone with Jincode from the stars. After watching Phire eat more falling stars. Jincode thought he could do the same. He let one hit him.

Feeling the light settle in him his silver hair burned Pacific blue. He felt a rush that he never felt before and his thought rushed. He started throwing fire jabs all over.

He hits Mesa making her faint. She became visible after the hit.

"Watch where you tossing those hits!" The Palacegard remarked as she dodged the stars. She used her grafuling-hook to move closer to get a feather. Next to the nest she noticed a six giant topaz egg. "Sugar Honey Ice Tea!"

The Mother Phoniex attacked her.

She fainted.

"We gotta get the Heynow-Out-of-here!" Princess Phire used the last of her flame to cast a bright light so Jincode, Markham and herself to wakeup the fallen party to evacuate.

Uncle Jinkans felt to bad to laugh at them. He gave each of them a special elixir to heal 100 percent. After they where healed fully he laughed. "-So she's a mommy. Your not getting that feather..."

"We just need to think outside the box." Princess Phire said.

"Is it really that bad being a cat?" Asked Mesa. "You can die a cat or a human. Dying a cat you might get treated better. Humanity can be messed up. Think about it... You can have a nice shoes box that coast way less than a casket."

"You might be right?" Markham the Cat said.

"Don't give up! We came this far. I am not a Quicker! We are not Quickers!" Princess Phire declared.

Her party cried.

Phire went hard at work doing more research on Phoniex. She learned of the Legend of the Queen and The Phoniex. In her study she read that by nature the bird isn't destructive by nature but brings life. The Queen in the Legend kissed the bird and let it burn her so she could become the Phoniex.

Phire found that half bizarre. "I'm not doing all that..." She said to the site. The Legend was typed in 1995 by some man named DJ Big R. Back in 95 the Humans where still leading what was Wi-Fi. So she took the story with a grain of salt.

"You need to get some sleep. Your light is dimming, girl." Mesa worried.

"Okay. I will hit the hay." Phire turned off the computer and went to sleep.

Two days later the party was ready to take on the beast. This time Princess Phire had a idea. This time they would wait for the bird to leave when the sun was rising The Phoniex left to search for stock to feed its fire. Phire knew it would need to get more food since their last encounter with her.

Once the party saw her leave the cave the rushed into the cave.

"Still want to get your revenge?" Teased Mesa.

"Shut up. Revenge is foolishness." Jincode said.

(End of part 1)