#just one more week of school and then ive got spring break

[maochira]

Bnuuy Reo is coming along to school today

[aquaquadrant]

I was wondering if you had an estimated date of when you will post the next HTP chapter?

Like, leaving us on such a cliffhanger must be a crime! It cant be legal!

Anyways, while I wait for it, Ive decided to copy paste every chapter into a doc and mark it up color code style for all my over analyzing needs. It took me an hour but it was worth it.

Have a good week and take care :)

(This is meant to be genuine, not mean or passive aggressive, just so you know. While I indeed am anxiously awaiting Chapter 10 by highlighting the chapters on a doc like that one photo of a bible page that’s highlighted with different colors. This isn’t meant to be mean or pressuring, take your time and take care of yourself)

⬆️(Ah poo, Im an over thinker

hey there, no worries y’all- i love seeing my reader’s enthusiasm and it’s reassuring to see continued interest in the series. i’d been hoping to have BOTH of the final ‘from eden’ chapters done before summer. but i have to admit, progress on the next chapter hasn’t been as forthcoming as i’d expected, for a couple reasons.

the first is health-related. not to be too TMI, but i recently got diagnosed with crohn’s disease. my symptoms started ages ago but have really ramped up in the last couple months, and the diagnosis was a lengthy and involved process (started the hunt back in november, presumptively diagnosed after a colonoscopy in feb, definitively diagnosed when biopsies came back over spring break) and even when i was simply waiting for results, it occupied a lot of my mental capacity. and ofc it happened to line up with me turning 26 and needing new insurance, which has caused lots of delays. anyone dealing with the american health care system while chronically ill will tell you it’s a frustrating, exhausting process. as of right now, i’m still waiting to start treatment 🫠

but honestly, even more than that, the biggest thing stopping me from writing is… me? 😂 so there’s this thing that happens after i post a chapter that’s like… decision paralysis? except it’s just that sometimes, i literally can’t bring myself to start the next chapter. it’s like, i have this unfounded fear that all my writing up until this point has been some magical fluke out of my control, and i’m not capable of ‘pulling it off’ again. i guess you could call it a form of imposter syndrome (which i already encounter enough in my vet school life). it gets worse after posting something that was a particularly massive undertaking or was insanely well-received bc i’m scared i won’t be able to top it- even though the impact of storytelling is supposed to be cohesive, and it’s unrealistic for every chapter to be ‘bigger and better’ (what does that even mean?) than the last one because they serve different purposes at different points in the story. i know this, rationally, but that doesn’t stop the irrational fear of failure from making me avoid writing.

i’m not sharing this to make excuses or garner sympathy, or fish for compliments, and certainly not to make anyone feel guilty for asking about updates. i just feel like maybe this will resonate with anyone who has the same experience. and also to share hope, because despite how often this feeling rears its ugly head, i’ve still been able to push through and get back to writing- and i’m always very happy with the result. sometimes it just takes longer than i’d like (pro tip: writing on ur phone is less intimidating, tho it’s more of a pain). but in any case, the next chapter of ‘from eden’ is well underway and i still hope to have the series done before summer’s end^^

[vx2006]

PRE POPPY 3/21/25

i am going to do something ive never done before, im splitting today into TWO posts. pre poppy and post poppy.

first of all, i was so freaking hot today. like my concert fit WAS SO FIRE. i actually got so many comments on it. my cooli spent the week making that bracelet, im happy with how it turned out.

I went to a record place today, they didn't really have any bands i wanted. i bought a cd of jagged little pill, but other than that the only bands they did have dividers for, they were completely empty. i was looking around, and then i sensed it. i looked up, and omg, they had negative spaces on cd there on display. we love seeing her in the wild.

honestly this whole day was ruled by poppy. i woke up at 3:36 and kept seeing 3:36 all day. since i sadly left my earbuds at home, i was on a music detox the whole day, so i was very mindful. this is good cause then once i got to the concert i would enjoy it much more.

but yeah even before the concert, i was just chilling this whole day. like it was a really great last day before spring break. I have like no homework and am gearing up to enjoy some solitude this week. tho no school means there probably will be like MAYBE one post on the blog, IF i do go out and do something, and take enough pictures, and had enough adventure that it warrants a whole post. otherwise its gonna be for the most part a hiatus, so dont miss me too much🖤

[adandelionthief]

hi lovelies, it’s time for a life update. this is going to be a long ramble, so i’ll write the basics out here & keep the rest under the cut:

i have been doing quite well! especially since school got out for spring break. though i’ve been kept very busy with theater, so i haven’t had time to enjoy the spring weather unfortunately T_T. having a week to refresh has been vital for me. for most of this year i’ve been in a deep depressive spiral, and that combined with my schedule & hatred for the tumblr app update have driven me away from this blog. but i like it here, and i hope to make a real return soon

love you all ♡

last time i talked about my life on here it was at the beginning my rehearsals, so it’s only fitting that i make my return for opening night! i am so pleased with how it’s turning out. the end result isn’t perfect, but its community theater, so no one’s expecting it to be. and i’m proud of myself for what ive been able to accomplish, both onstage and off. i feel like i grow more confident with every performance i do. community theater has really helped me to come out of my shell, which might sound weird for someone like me, whom others assume is naturally extroverted, but that’s not really the case.

so yes, despite the usual tech week disasters, an infuriating music director, getting sick twice in a row (which is ongoing & i am crossing my fingers does not affect my voice tonight), and all manner of lovely things, i’m at peace with this show.

i have also formed a new friendship that i hold very dear to me—with my assistant director of all people. she’s 20 years old, so it’s not like there’s a huge age difference there, and she honestly feels like a cool older cousin. i would say sister, but that title is already taken by another girl in the cast. she wrote letters for everyone, which we’re receiving tonight, and she’s said that mine is so long her hand cramped up while writing it & she had to take a break lol. so i’m looking forward to that. having someone i’ve just met take to me like that, call me her favorite, and immediately accept me has been weirdly difficult to come to terms with? but i wouldn’t have it any other way.

as for non-theater things; there aren’t many. truthfully my life has been taken over by this musical & it’s all that is coming to my mind. junior year has been kicking my ass, i’ve gotten back into reading (when i have the time and energy), and i’ve been really into trying different fruits lol. most recently i’ve been eating lots of baby guavas and dried figs. i got a new bookshelf because my old one was literally overflowing, and i’ve been ordering lots of cute new summer clothes.

that’s just the mundane stuff, but the other half of it is a bit too real for me to comfortably put into this post. maybe another time. this is my safe space after all! i have been more active on twitter just because its easier for me to engage with certain fan communities there (like all for the game, because i’m still obsessed), but it’s not the same. tumblr is where i can be unapologetically myself. it just sucks to be active here because i lost all of my followers when i deactivated. it feels like speaking to a brick wall. i doubt anyone will even read this far, but if you do, just know i appreciate you for giving me a space to breathe, a space to share exactly how much i want without a word limit or social pressure. thank you <3

[cicadaland]

tagged by @ascendandt :D

last song: "Ride" by Lana del Rey (I'm literally listening to it Right Now)

favorite color: well green of course

last book I read: the last fiction book I read not for a class was uhhhhh blood and guts in high school by kathy acker but i didnt get too far before i got distracted and stopped reading it. but for a class ive been reading Free by Lea Ypi

last movie: No Other Land i think? but i might be forgetting one?? i dont watch that many movies

last tv show: severance but i NEED to catch up more. I've only watched the first episode of the new season. Maybe I will this break

sweet savory or spicy: SAVORY

relationship status: single 😐...😑

last google search: Jessica Reznicek and Ruby Montoya

looking forward to: spring break!! just a week away! oh wow! can you believe it! spring break

im taggingggggguhhhhh @musicillustrated @stupidstupidratcreatures @zemnarihah @maletofujoshi @maddestmewmew @stoneware @revindicatedbyhistory

[sonofarathorns]

reading lotr for the first time thoughts

• i love frodo’s, sam’s, merry’s, and pippin’s dialogue and interactions with one another as they leave the shire and begin to navigate life on the road. you really get a sense of how…not necessarily unprepared they were, but more like…how new to them this all was. filling the water bottles, making breakfast, sleeping on the ground. little things like that.

• book frodo is so funny. he’s so sarcastic and sassy. i love him! and he’s just so awesome in general. he knows elvish!

• book merry is a badass! he’s giving bde (big dad energy). he knows his geography and he’s not gonna lead them astray. he’s a brandybuck, he’s got knowledge of unfamiliar lands outside of the shire and i just love this detail! more on merry below.*

• gildor & co. was a nice little meetup!

• finally met tom bombadil and goldberry, and that was a wild ride.

• i just finished chapter 9 ‘at the sign of the prancing pony,’ meaning…i met him 😍 and based on my husband talking about the book and hearing everyone else talk about the book, i knew they nailed the meeting aragorn scene perfectly when making the movie, but wow, now that i’ve read it, they really did.

• *merry staying in the room and not coming down to the common room was also bde.

• i feel like the slowest reader in the world because ive averaged…10-20 pages per day since i started the book? in my defense im in nursing school and my kid was on spring break. but my spring break is this week so i look forward to reading more!

[yoimo06]

09:26 am !! 18.04.24

First day of writing my thoughts feelings and experiences here and whatever else. I heard tumblr works well as a journal/blog so might as well.

Even though I'm honestly still not entirely sure how this platform works (especially not on the pc ver) we all learn as we go, don't we?

Anyhow. I gotta get back home from school.. can't believe I'm sick again! Man, it's all the girl's fault for not being able to keep their asses home when they're sick. I confronted one of the girls about it and she really said "You would've gotten mad at me for not coming to help with the project" (we are unfortunately working on a group contest together — a group of 6 girls) like, no girl, no one would. She was the one that got mad at another person from our group when THEY were sick and told them to come to school. Darn hypocrite.

I hate this damn problem doe. Its so stupid. There are ups to it though. For example, i didn't have to attend a bunch of classes which is cool but then again im falling behind w all the lessons and shit so thats not great.

I just want it to be over fast. Cant stand working w some of these people no more. Fake asf

Rn im taking a bath! My favourite thing to do ngl. Its so warm and nice and cosy. Outside, in the parking lot behind our house theres people setting up the farmers market. Ive always found it so endearing and nice!! I love farmers markets and even if i dont buy anything, just passing thru it is nice.

On another brighter than all the other notes!!! My boyfriend got accepted into Uni here!!! We'll be breaking long distance soon. Its all happening so fast but im so glad so so glad hes coming home soon. I miss him more than anything. He's also going to come visit in a week or so!! I cant wait

Next week our school has this thing called 'Green week' where we take a break from normal school activities to instead do other things related to nature n shit. In concept it sounds nice but our teachers always pick the most boring activities for us...that sucks. For example, we'll be going to the Botanical garden for 4 hours!!! That'd be cool and all but we all know the botanical garden like the back of our hands from how much we visited it.. Theres plenty of other things to see, im sure, but most teachers don't wanna bother with actual interesting stuff, unfortunately.

Another small something is that i have recently started playing Star Rail again! Its great!! I would say im doing quite well, advancing through the story and stuff... I still have to properly build my charas doe oops! Thing is, i came back for this new character called 'Boothill', truly a charming gentleman. Haha! I managed to farm around 100 wishes in a week with a bit of help from my boyfriend as well~ I will get Boothill guys trust!! I kinda gave in though and pulled for Aventurine as well ... and i got him. But theres around 40 days left to farm for Boothill so im sure ill be gucci!! Ill be pulling for both him and his lightcone... and hopefully more copies of him hehe~~~

Todays weather was kinda shitty. The weather has been shitty recently actually. Its so cold and it keeps raining even tho not too long ago it was all nice warm and sunny, like how spring should be! I miss the nice weather, i hope it comes back soon so i can wear my short skirts, long socks and cool graphic tees!

Hmm~ I might hop back on here later mayhaps mayhaps to write some more stuff but for now ill be signing off!

Byebye ~

[qumiiiquinnquin]

its only been 2 weeks but i just dont feel like i can do this.

its really stressful. the workload is always high. having a break isn't really a thing. and with how bad my schedule is (that i could not do anything about) i have to wake up extremely early (5-5:30am) and i come home in the evening (also 5-5:30 but pm). and i just have to dedicate that time to homework and i know there's going to be lots of all-nighters

i have no time to eat. im tired all the time. focusing on work is difficult in general, but my lack of eating and sleep make it worse. and while i know the exercise is good for me, having to walk a mile each way to and from home and all my walking on campus makes me very tired and sore. (im so petty)

i know im being overdramatic because its only been 2 weeks. but it gets worse from here on out. im really stressed and anxious all the time. and ive already broken down a few times. i want to cry right now because im under so much stress, but people are awake so i cant.

its so petty. i want to give up now and i keep contemplating, i thought about going to the rooftop and. well. you know. i want to drop out now but that would upset my family a ton (also its only been 2 weeks!!!). but i dont really like my family's idea that if they went to college and got their degrees, so can i. they all went to college so thats what was encouraged of me to do too after i graduated high school. and this is just community college. if im barely hanging on in community college id be dead by now in a uc or cal state, either one im planning to transfer to once im done at community college...

i knew i wasnt cut out for college. i knew it since before applying. i keep telling myself this is only until december. and when i register for the spring term i can hopefully form a much better schedule so im not stressed out and loaded with work all the time and i can actually take care of myself. so im trying to keep moving forward. but its only now september. i have 13 more weeks. and if these first two weeks were enough to kick my ass then im fucked for the rest of the semester. and probably my entire time at college.

[deetealeaf]

Hello Angel (Deeeeee <3333)!!!!!

I have missed you terribly since my school's testing week has taken my time and creativity away from Tumblr (awful as it is the once place i can take the time to be silly on) and by extension, you (awful, truly horrifying).

I have also decided that old people are certainly a 50/50 in terms of being likeable, but worry not, I know for certain you will turn out to be a pleasant old little guy with flowers sewn into your cardigan with a cup of green tea by your side as you sit on a porch of a beautiful farmhouse. Because you're just cool like that.

I will scream at the unruly youngsters enough for both of us as a good neighbor is.

I hope you are having fun in Tennessee, hiking and shopping (retail therapy is fun for a reason)! I also hope that you have thoroughly enjoyed a good night's sleep and hear not of family members' out-of-pocket comments (family members can be strange like that) but rather the satisfying sound of footsteps instead (they are strangely therapeutic). Overall, I hope you are doing very well and enjoying your trip. Once more, I have missed you and you're wonderful personality dearly, and yes, indeed, I do curse the beast that feasts upon my energy called "academics".

A cruel thing, really.

As I type this, I am fully aware that I probably sound increasingly dramatic and childish, but I'm serious! I do miss you, and I hope you are having the time of your life with lots and lots of fun!! And I very, very, very much apologize for going off the radar! I swear I mean no harm!!! :(((

With all the love of one dear Tumblr mutual and best friend, Ivan (Florsial)

P.S. I formatted this like a letter, which I think is pretty funny, but whatever! I hope you are doing well. Best wishes and some flowers for the heart!!!! <33333

Dearest ivan!!!!

i've missed you so so much, and im so so glad you've been released from the painful misery that is exam week! tumblr(and me!!) is incredibly happy to have you back<33

You are definitely correct in your take on old people- ive experienced both ends of the old people spectrum, often times from the same person!! also that genuinely sounds like the most perfect future i could imagine, especially you living nearby and scaring away the bothersome youth for me. that sounds lovely and beautiful and perfect to me. id invite you over every evening and wed try new teas or gossip about the other old people in town. and wed go shopping in cute little antique shops or try new cafes every other weekend.

I am loving tennessee so much- i have hiked, and shopped!! your ask actually gave me the idea for retail therapy and i found some of the cutest little stone guys- a bee and a frog!-and a really cute ring, so thanks!<3 sleep, however is a a fickle creature and im actually writing this at 2am lols. and as usual, the out of pocket commentary is overflowing, but we persist as usual. as much as i love my family, sometimes they can be oddly. to say the least.

i too am cursing the godless creature that haunts us all- "academics"!! picture me raising my fist and shaking it at academics for keeping you from me. you defenitly dont sound childish!!! this was actually so lovely to read and really fun to respond to! i hope youre having a better time now that exams have released you, and that your having a wonderful spring time!!you definitely DONT have to apologize taking time for yourself or for your irl responsibilities! you deserve to take breaks from tumblr if thats what you need, and shld t feel pressured to keep in touch constantly, although i love talking to you whenever we have the time. i really do miss you<33🥺

heres some cute little anecdotes from my trip cause i find them fun and love to ramble lols-

i got to pet 2 dogs!!! one of them was really gentle and shy, she was called marge i think, and my 2 year old nephew also got to pet her and loved her. the second ones name was atlas, he had hetochromia! atlas was really friendly and liked jumping onto people- he was so sweet, but my nephew was startled and started crying- dw hes fine lols. and atlas's people were soo friendly!!! also there was a family where i was staying who had a cat named oreo. he is the mellowest cat ive ever met he was so chill and friendly!! he even let me hold him!

I have such a bad sunburn!! usually in new york, where i live, i just tan, but ig the sun in tennessee is stronger or more powerful, because im very tanned but also have a red nose- rudolph style as my brother keeps mentioning. ouch :/

idk how you feel about sharks but i LOVE them and we went to an aquarium there- and they had so. many. sharks!!!! there was a tiger shark, a mini hammerhead shark, and like 3 nurse sharks. there was also a huge sawfish which is not a shark, but still super cool! and, there were these hugeee stingrays that where soooo gorgeous!! also i saw a japanese spider crab for the first time and idk if you know what those look like but they are so creepy-cool, you should look em up!

anyway this is getting suuper long, so im gonna say bye, i love you and ttyl!!

with an overflowing amount of love for the bestest best friend i could have;

Dee<33

p.s. i ADORE the idea of askbox letters. it feels so lovely and personal to me!! no pressure to continue with it, but if you enjoy it i would love it!

p.p.s. i wrote this letter originally on april 18 in tennessee at 2 am. it did in fact take me this long to type this up. sorry!!!😭😭

^^ us one day🤞

frog, bee and ring!!

[northwestofinsanity]

HI AGAIN!!!

SO sorry for being gone for a hot minute. Life gets so busy and then i just fall asleep 😭

IM A HUGE SUPERTRAMP AND CHEAP TRICK FAN!! Theyre such big comfort bands for me! Also do you have any albums youd recomend to me by the who? Ive been wanting to get into their music more seriously!

Also i am SO glad to hear that you like elo and billy squier! Some tracks id recommend are, rich kid, young girls, learn how to live, all night long, the musics alright, too daze gone... all great tracks you should listen to! also idk if its a lesser known track but also shes a runner if you havent heard that one either! (really all of his debut album is perfect... really ALL the tracks on his first 4 albums are flawless) also just listen to his songs he did for fast times at ridgemont high and st elmos fire! AND AND!!! have you listened to his christmas song?? I'm sure youd recognize it once you hear it but i LOVE christmas is the time to say i love you 🫶

And i DO have my own physical music collection! i have a million records, cassettes, and 8-tracks! records are my favorite to collect! I always go after first pressings or at least as close to the original release year!

Aaand when it comes to holidy prep... I really just like buying presents for my loved ones :-] I love picking out something i know will make them so excited! I also love doing anything that has to do with christmas lights and figuring out what recipes i want to use for christmas dinner 🤩

-⭐

Hi!

Oh, don’t worry -it is A-OK!  I’m in veterinary school, and it’s a very lecture heavy time up until the end of the semester… I actually have a test on Monday with 43 hours worth of lecture content on it from the last two weeks of class (not gonna say what that does to my nerves!), and then I’ve got another lecture heavy week before the final.  And when I’m on break, I go back to my job working 12 hour shifts in the hospital… so there’s quite a few days I can relate with coming home and being *done* XD

Oh my goodness, Supertramp and Cheap Trick… Supertramp got me through so much a couple of years ago when I was at peak hyperfixation with them.  That piano solo on “School” still is just one of the best things in the world!  And Cheap Trick was probably my first true band hyperfixation way back when I was thirteen.  I spent so many nights in the summer between seventh and eighth grade, watching interviews on YouTube, and falling head over heels in love with Tom Petersson.  First of many rock star crushes I have had! (And he’s *so* sweet…)  I’ve become a lot closer with other bands since then, but they have a very special place in my heart for starting it all.

It’s possible I’ve heard that Billy Squier Christmas song, though I’m not placing it off the top of my head.  I’ll be spending a lot of time in this weekend prepping for Monday, so I’ll definitely put him on my streaming radio tomorrow and give those songs a listen!  I like to check out some newer things, or check in with bands I’m not as close with about this far out from finals, anyway, because then I can save some of the effect of my emotional support bands for when I need it most.  Or, occasionally, I go into a hype and find myself with a new emotional support band going into it …and that’s how I fell into my most recent band hype back in the Spring!

The Who are really one of my favorites that slowly sneaked up from being a casual favorite to a true top level one without a bunch of fanfare like my other bands have given me (it also sort of happened while I was still hyped on Supertramp), but there’s an album I revisited around that time that likely had a lot to do with it.  I love Quadrophenia.  It’s one of my definitive comfort albums, and it’s one of those rock-opera concept albums that never really hit the same without being played all the way through, because it’s all supposed to connect (most of the songs work alone, but they’re just better together).  But since it’s a double, it can be hard to find the time to really do that.  So it became an album I would always listen to whenever I was home sick from school or work, and there’s sort of a synthesizer motif that reappears throughout it that has a very soothing effect to me.  I associate it with being comfortable at home and feeling better from that, which makes me like it even more!  I also like almost all the songs on Who’s Next.  Tommy has become a favorite as well.  It also has a similar setup to Quadrophenia, but with Tommy, there’s a lot more songs that just do not work out of context.  It’s probably a more fun album, even though I don’t have that comfort association with it.

Really, a lot of my love for The Who comes from their dynamic and their antics, though… they are hilariously chaotic!  I wouldn’t be surprised actually if Cheap Trick (Rick Nielsen, especially) took inspiration with some of their antics, even though I don’t think there’s too many bands that have been able to top The Who on that front!

All of those holiday prep things are stuff I also enjoy… I also like to do art for some of my family, and I’m really looking forward to when finals are over so I can make some!

[tera-91]

Mid-June Rant

Im not sure when Ill post this.

July 2nd is when 2024 will be half way over. Even though as I start to write this post it is only June 1st. It feels like Ive spent half of the year already. Like Ive wasted half of the year.

Or rather I cant shake off the last half. When 2024 began I felt like it was Spring oddly enough. Like a new beginning. The first quarter went by and I kept doing the same thing over and over again. Then April hit and I decided to turn my world as I knew it upside down.

Wow that sounds dramatic.

Not really.

Just that I needed to make a change.

My first thought was to go back to school. To do something that I could make what I was in a week in a day. In reality it would probably take me a couple of days. Which wouldn’t be bad. I would more than double my income. The only problem would be that it will take me about 3 and a half years to get there.

That is quite a while to stay at a job that, deep down, I wasn’t happy. I get that it cant be great all the time. But everyday. I would go into work, either pissed off that I was there. That I felt like I was wasting my time. And if I wasn’t mad, or frustrated. I certainly was watching the clock and ready to walk out of the door.

The manager that was directly my boss I guess, was a inconsiderate jackass. But the other one I feel so much respect for. This manager wants to see if things can be talked out with the other manager. But even if that’s the case I feel like that one is such a vindictive tyrant. I don’t want to work for them. I just don’t know how to tell the other manager. Theres nothing else I can do. Nothing else I want to do.

I feel like I need to make a change.

But I have no one to talk it out with.

My friends say that I should take a break. My family is just wishy washy. I should do what I want. I wish I could talk to my dad. I feel like he could understand my brain better. The only other person that gets it is my sibling. Although we got different versions of neuro-spiciness. My sibling has quite a different choice of words for that manager though… I would rather not repeat.

Im not sure how many times Ill tell myself that I need to take a break. To make a change before I actually believe it. Or rather before I actually do something about it.

_____

Im not sure how many days its been since I wrote any of the previous stuff. Ive been doing a bunch of little things.

I feel like Im less stressed, I looked in the mirror the other day and realized, my shoulders were more relaxed.

Ive gotten a few things done. I got at least 3 videos made. I edited audio on another to come out hopefully soon. Ive written a little more.

Im exploring more.

Once I finish writing this Im going to tackle some things again. Try to get more done in my Roman story series. I hadn’t planned on making it a series but I ended up starting 4 stories with Roman for some reason, I don’t feel like I connect a whole lot with his character in comparison to Virgil. Then one day I was out with my pups and a thread appeared in my head. Connecting these 4 stories but I will have to make an additional one to make a 5 story series.

If youre interested in that, hopefully I wont make you wait too long for it. Im just struggling slightly as when I started the first one it was going to end differently so Ive been trying to add and shift things as I go.

I think I have a little bit of a block going, not necessarily in coming up with the story but to actually sit and write it. My brain is struggling to figure out which to tackle first.

Do I write? I have a bunch of different things that I need to write.

Do I record? I’m having a bit of an issue with my voice at the moment but I can at least prepare things to record.

Then there is the issue of income. I know logically at the moment I am lucky enough to have the option to step away from my source of income due to issues. But it is going to be a problem, I just don’t know how soon now. I have a medical thing going on that I will need to spend a not so small amount of money on which was not an issue prior to when I decided to take this path.

So I do think of that. Once that is hopefully taken care of in the real short future I will be able to tackle two things that I have a potential to get income in. Do I set up a patreon? It would be something to potentially help right now. I have applied for several jobs and have had at least 1 interview so far.

Part of me feels silly for thinking this. I mean I did decide to do a thing and this is the consequence of taking that action. But at the same time, I don’t regret making that decision.

Ill try to write the Roman stories but if that doesn’t seem to work I think I will try to get a little editing done.

_____

Right so a few days later and I’m still in job limbo apparently. Certain things happened in recent days. Didn’t get any of the Roman stories done yet.

Going to work on that and everything else that I need to work on.

I just need to do stuff as I have time. It doesn’t matter if I know I only have 5 minutes or if I jump on it and only get to spend that amount of time on it.

Off to make a list of things that I need to get done. Maybe if I have a visual representation of what is on my mind it will help.

[axesilly]

i cant afford therapy so im going to talk about my troubles on here because i dont know what else to do 👍 i dont know if this will reach anyone but it might make me feel better. sorry if its a bit lengthy, ive had these feelings for a while

for the sake of anonymity and my own safety i will not be mentioning any names of people, towns, or schools :]

so im in college, im an art major. im from a small town with nothing to do except go to a mall the next town over and im going to college in another small town 5 hours away from home. this small town also has jack shit to do unless you drive 45 minute to an hour away. im currently in my spring semester of my freshman year and i have gotten so absolutely mentally and physically drained since i got a fast food job. i got a job making pizzas at yknow one of those big chain corporations pizza places, and the store i work at has only been open a few months. its absolutely chaotic and no one knows how to do anything except a few select people. my boss, the general manager, also doesnt know how to do anything because its his first time doing something like this. one of the other managers also only works there because hes friends with the general manager and he is not the greatest person, as he tends to sexually harrass the staff including a friend i made there. now ive already put in my two weeks last saturday, but that doesnt take away from how drained this job has made me.

Since the spring semester started ive been constantly piled with work (one week i was scheduled 6 days in a row when i had a big project to work on, i had a breakdown at work to my general manager), writing assignments, and project after project. (not even kidding my drawing professor gives us a new project the same day we turn one in) in my senior year of high school i loved fine arts and i believed that i wanted to follow in my art teachers footsteps and pursue my love of art and make art for my career. and while i do still love fine arts and making art, i just cannot do this constantly. since just before my spring break i started not going to my classes as consistently and i swore to myself i would start going again after the break. well that break just made it worse it seems because everything has just gone more and more downhill. i have still been missing classes because some days its difficult to get out of bed and i do not have the motivation to go to class just to sit there and not be able to pay attention for an hour/hour and a half. im behind on a project for one of my classes because i havent gone since ive been back from spring break (two weeks). i have an exam for one of my classes soon and im not even close to prepared. i had a 3 page essay due last night i started but havent finished (luckily i can turn it in a little late). it may sound lazy but these are my real struggles with my mental health. i feel trapped here. i do have a license and a car, i do have transportation so i can go places, but its such an old car it has so many problems (one which has arisen recently being if i stop somewhere and turn my car off, it wont crank back up immediately and i have to wait 10-15 minutes, and once it is on i have to revv it to make sure it stays on). so because of car problems and currently living in a small town im frustrated because it feels like i cant go anywhere to do anything fun. i feel trapped in my dorm and in my mind.

now comes the college problem. the college i go to currently is a nice school, i get 8 meals a week on my meal plan included in my tuition. theres several places to choose from the eat at, theres a gym, free health exams i think. but its driving me insane seeing the same old brick buildings every damn day. i currently dont have a roommate so im in a dorm by myself which probably contributes to this feeling of lonliness. i dont really have many friends, i had more last semester but they did not keep in touch. i do have one friend that i appreciate very much and she always worries and wants to help when she sees im upset. shes a real one. but seeing the same things, learning about the same repetitive lessons every single day, has driven me insane. my art history class has been the same topics since the start of the semester, its all been about works of art pertaining to jesus, and mary, and god and the angel telling mary shes pregnant and marys purity and this symbolizing that and i understand why its important to learn about these works of art and how they have shaped art today, but i cannot stand hearing the same things over and over. im not a christian, and i dont believe theres anything wrong with christianity as long as youre not hurting anyone with your beliefs, but these topics are so repetitive ever class i have. the semesters almost over and we havent even gotten to modern art yet, and in my opinion thats what truly matters to learn about because thats what we as artists would need to look at to have a reference for how we should make our art right? art is about expressing yourself and we need to see how others making art in the modern era are expressing themselves as well. and on the topic of expressing ourselves, my drawing class, every single project, my professor has us stick to such strict criteria. one of my projects my professor actually really liked, i liked, but she took points off because i had my girlfriends name written very small where you could barely even see, because we were not supposed to have any text. i feel like i cannot even be creative and truly express myself with these projects. i dont feel like i have any real freedom with them. i love fine arts and i love making art, but not when its like this. i want to be able to make my own art that actually expresses my feelings, not someone elses criteria. because of all of this my grades have been rapidly dropping.

now i have already made the decision weeks ago that i will not be returning to this school in the next fall semester. i discussed this with my mom already as she does the majority of my paperwork and things for this stuff. she wants me to transfer to a college closer to home so i can atleast get a general studies degree. but thats not what i want to do either. she told me not to flunk my classes this semester because that will make it difficult to transfer me to another school, but how do you expect me to get good grades when i constantly feel like im in hell in my mind. i mentioned wanting to maybe take a gap year, she doesnt want me to do that. school is horrible for my mental health like this, i dont understand why society thinks we should just have everything we want to do with the rest of our life figured out immediately out of high school. well i dont. and i dont want to stay in college immediately out of high school. i want to go live my life! me and my girlfriend are long distance (we have met in person several times and shes actually coming to visit me this month, but just seeing each other for a week at a time is not enough) and i really want to go live with her! i want to enjoy living and living with the person i love more than life itself! i currently dont feel like i can do that here or back home. i want to move somewhere else with my girlfriend so we can both be happy and love life. i want to move out of state to a slightly bigger city, nothing crazy like new york or atlanta, but just somewhere bigger than a small town with nothing to do whatsoever. i do have a place in mind but im not going to say where. and when i move, after a year i can qualify for in state tuition and pursue something that makes me happier. ive always loved animals and marine animals so i was thinking i could major in zoology and marine biology and work at an aquarium or something while im working on my degree. and i dont fully know how the paperwork and things work for transferring and such, especially after a break, so i could be in the wrong, but is it really wrong for wanting the best for myself?

and to be honest with myself i know exactly why im in college and its not to get a degree. i was raised constantly being compared to my siblings. my brother is trans (which my parents are very obviously not too fond of) dropped out of college and joined the military. my sister dropped out of college after a semester, got married to a horrible man who she just recently divorced after having two children with him. and being compared to them all my life, especially to my brother, made me want to be better than them. i wanted to be the one, as the youngest, to be the first one to get through college immediately, all four years, no problem. but its just too much for me. and dropping out, moving away, im terrified. im terrified that my parents will be disappointed in me. im terrified of that face my mother makes, that tone of voice, when shes disappointed in me for something. im terrified of getting lectured and told why everything i want is wrong. its irrational. and im terified if i move away i wont have her support anymore. i wont have her to lean on when i need help with something. i was never taught where to go or how to do stuff for applying to colleges and transferring. i barely know how to do my taxes.

now i really dont know what this article-like rant of a tumblr post is gonna do. i know i dont really have a following and i dont really post on here. but i just thought itd make me feel better to collect my thoughts and put them all together like this. so far the only people concerned about me have been my girlfriend and a couple of my friends ive told about these problems. not even my professors are concerned about me, i havent even gotten a single email or question about how im doing. they say theyre all for mental health but when a student stops coming to class as often suddenly and starts failing or not turning in assignments its none of their business and i must just be getting lazy and im a horrible student yknow? anyways i think thats about it for this. again i dont really know what this will do but i hope someone has advice or support or something. im going insane here.

love to anyone else suffering similar struggles <3

[memegalialost]

"onimai: i am now your sister" thread reposting

date of posting originally: june 23 2023:current series im watching 6/10 but on thin fucking ice

date of posting originally: june 25 2023:im on episode 5/12 and well heres the review 7/10 i swear if this ends up like grisaia ima be actually livid date of posting originally: june 26 2023: {bon jovi halfway there} why is it getting more uncomfortable when im halfway through just like grisaia everything else is still fine but theres been 3 moments where my reaction is just "tf2 spy ah piss voiceline" i hate it here. oh yeah the review for up to episode 6 6/10 and yes i have to finish it now because im halfway through

date of posting originally: june 27 2023:episode 7 6.5/10 its fine but getting weird, sometimes my reaction is just

date of posting: june 28 2023:me when i get the people who wrote 2/3 of the last shows ive watched to completion 6/10 we got piss we got a scene i dont want to talk about because anything other than the full scene would sound weird and we got a character shipping the rest of the friend group together

its a fucking bingo this series

date of posting: june 29 2023:ill be honest ive had an epiphany, ive been viewing this series with the same view as the grisaia trilogy when i need to see it as seperate, and realize that the good scenes arent made worse by the bad scenes, its genuinely a good show when it isnt being weird, 8/10 because still weird scenes will be weird scenes so i still have to dock points off due to that

date of posting:june 30 2023: episode ten was good honestly 8/10 so far on the series and if any episode based on the title was gonna fuck up the changed views i posted yesterday it was gonna be this one so yeah i think we are heading towards this being 8 maybe even 9/10

date of posting:july 1 2023:Episode 11/12 9/10 got some really funny moments and just generallya good time orher than the weird sections which i just see as weird sections seperate from the rest of the series and apparently the source mats didnt have them so if thats true then it can def be 10/10

date of posting: july 2 2023:episode 12/12 i can finally reveal what ive been watching for the past 2 weeks, series name is Onimai: I'm Now Your Sister! weird title i know but it honestly was a good watch, it has its weird moments obviously because of course it fucking does but over all it isnt bogged down by them like grisaia was, it was just an overall enjoyable watch, main character is a shut in who has basically wasted his life and feels like he isnt good enough due to his sister being extremely smart and skipping grades and shit, his sister caring about him decides to start what is basically a rehabilitation program but since itd be weird with people already knowing him she changes him into a girl which i know some people would fucking love, granted it was without consent so idk how legal that is the gender switch isnt explored much outside of the main character getting used to their new body which is roughly the first 2 episodes, it has some good comedy and some really heartwarming moments, if you want to watch then go do it but watch the censored version since, well i mean some of the characters are in fucking middle school so i dont fucking know why theres an uncensored version and i dont even want to think about what is in there, but getting past that now we get into spoilers for the last couple episodes so if you want to watch it then do it before finishing the thread the last episode is a spring break vacation episode and the drug mcs sister uses starts wearing off and people start noticing but only one person is really suspicious of it, it ends with the mc having to make a choice, stay with their new friends and new life, or go back to the way things were before, he ends up choosing to keep things going because he is much happier with their new life, overall id say this series is a 9/10 and i would 80% recommend to watch because ik its not for everyone

anime thread

this is where im putting my entire anime review thread this will include summer of 2022 and 2023 since twitter is bad and cringe. idk how to make threads on here so im just copying and pasting everything onto a single post if i cant make threads

will have a seperate thread for the grisaia shit because thats like 600 posts on its own

[bambaooo]

2022

i doubt anyone is still on here anymore lol. shit, i barely am, i saw the las thing i posted and i dont even remember when it was lol

but yeah, 2022 was a wild ass year. alot has happened, and probably the most eventful year of my adult life thus far. 

soooo, in january was my last month of work at my job at the time. I was put in a weird position where the contract I was working for ended early and i was laid off. i feel like any other person would have been freaking out, but luckily i was still finishing up my last semester of grad school. For the first time since graduating undergrad was basically free any not working. coming from me, ive since i was in highschool I was always the type of person to want to work work work and make bread. So basically from once i could work when I was 16, i was working every chance i could get until this month. I looked at it as my opportunity to finally take somewhat of a break from working cause I know I wouldnt get an opportunity like this again. 

Although i did have hella plans for the next 6-8 months after finishing my job, i still had grad school to finish so basically from February to like Mayish I kinda just laid low and just took hella walks, worked out, and did school. i was going to sleep pretty late every night, waking up whenever and just going with the flow. there were some events scattered here and there like family parties, Allison’s cousins’ wedding in march which was fun. 

But come end of April into May, is when the real fun shit began. Went to the first of many muisical preformances. the first one was Brian McKnight which was wild. He is hella good live. and then shorly after I finished grad school.  First I finished grad school with two fucking masters degrees. One witha  4.0 and the other with a 3.9. I want to take a moment to realize how wild that is. In undergrad I legit was on academic warning and have a 1.7 gpa LOL. shit was wild. But also early on in May we went to see jame arthur in silver spring which was fun. Around mid May I went to Miami fora  day trading conference, definately a wild expereince. I learned a lot, but also met a lot of cool people. First solo trip and it was fun. A few weeks later went to my friends wedding wehre i got to catch up with other hommies and it was chill. 

Before we knew it, it was June. Something in the water was definiately something to remember, dope to see all these live performances and just be out and about. Glad to have experienced once while it was in DC for probably the only time ever. And literally a day or two after I went to trip 2 of the summer to Massachusettes for adrians weddings. First time doing a road trip like that, and it was pretty fun. Being with old friends, in a new area, just enjoying life. I was able to eat edibles, get drunk. and try lobster by itself for the first time ever and it was a good time. Stopped by in jersey on the way back and went to jersey smorgasburg and it was dope! it just kinda sucked a little while after, cause I found out i had covid a day or 2 after coming back from from the trip. but luckily it was very mild and was good to back by 4th of july. 

After a few more weeks in july, i was on my way to SoCal. 2nd a last solo trip. this trip was probably one of my favorite trips I have taken in my life to be honest. teh weather was good, was able to go to the OC fair, smorgasburg LA, and went to a reggae festival. I know the way I am with island music might seem a little weird to people, but shit, that festival was fun af. Going to concerts by yourself is fun af. Also while I was there i got to meet up with some VCU hommies and my cousin! 

After getting back home it was only a few more weeks until the last trip of the summer. Me and Allisons first trip of the year to Miami after her semester ended. It was fun too cause i didnt really go to the beach when I went in May. And I got to eat a bunch of food that I didnt get to eat the first time too. Its honestly just nice to hangout and do what we normally do, but in a different environment. 

A few weeks afterr we did a little trip to RVA/charlottesville. Allsion got us tickets for WIcked and it was dope. We were able to explore around richmond, and I got to show allsion on my favorite places to eat in rva. 

During this whole last few months from July to septermber I was consistently apply for jobs, going through interviews be lowkey being stressed about job searching. I was stressed, but not that stressed cause I knew id get a bite eventually but not knowing when was stressful. Luckily in september I got my first offer and was able to start my job in october. Fully remote and working in my field. 

October was a bunch of going back and forth between DC for work stuff and learning shit. November I kinda realized that I will have a lot of free time and that its gonna be alot of free time and pulled the trigger on fulfilling my lowkey dream of working in a grocery store. 

Holidays this year were very chill and nothing to crazy. Thanksgiving we bounced around between Allisons and My family. Christmas was more bouncing around MD and VA, being around familiy and enjoying ourself. It was honestly the first time in a while that Christmas felt like something worth celebrating. Also I actually reached out and caught up with friends. Like i feel like its very rare for it to happen, but getting together with my friends is something I will always enjoy. and tonight its NYE. My ass is at home, with no plans cause I got work a whole foods tomorrow and im completely okay with it. My life has been full of celerations and family and im okay with going into the new year chill. 

2022 has honestly been such a blessing. Going into the new year, many people want to exceed what they did in the previous year, but im already at the point that I am accepting that this past year was just so crazy that 2023 might just be a chill year. I remember I had a year i called teh “rebuild” in like 2017 or 2018, when it came to lifitng, but this will be a different type of rebuild, financial and health rebuild. I want to get my money right and get back lifting again.

but yeah, 2022 has been just full of blessing and i am fortunante to have been able to do the things that I have been able to do this year. Unlike 2022, I do not have any big plans for the year, and whatever happens will happen. Im excited for it, and am ready for what ever comes back at me. 

[vakta]

a little update about what/how i am doing lately . . . .

to put it short: my therapist and my parents dont let me go to school or stay in my dorm so im staying at home for a few weeks (at least); should be recovering, but i dont rly have the motivation to do so, and my digestive issues make it even more difficult

to not put it short:

so im not allowed to go to school bc i badly relapsed. its not a recent thing, ive been slowly loosing weight since october, when after an actually really seriously-taken but still failed recovery attempt i kind of lost my hopes for full recovery. (i can still imagine it in the distant future tho... but to actually start doing it now.... ehh..)

one of the reasons bc of which i have failed is the pain which comes after eating a decent amount of food, a bigger meal, or even smaller amounts of foods that i avoided for a long time. i got fed up (lol) with this, and decided that i would pay attention to eat less to avoid being in pain afterwards.

not a great idea, my friends, not a great idea.

it works in the short term, but it only makes your stomach even more sensitive, and shortly you can barely eat without pain, your damn safe foods start becoming scary, and you just spiral spiral spiral deeper and deeper and deeper into this.

and yes, you loose weight but at what cost?? (i think this applies to any ed that results in weight loss tbh) the weightloss was one of the reasons my parents noticed that something is wrong with me again (or still, rather)

the other reason was the stress. i had become so so stressed bc of this, and not only this, bc school, oh my beloved, just cant fucking chill. what makes it even worse is that there are only 1 and a half years until university and i seriously need to make decisions in relation to my future, but i never find the time for this with the every other thing that is going on at the same time (looking at my biology teacher.. but also no, he actually cares about me i think; im just a perfectionist who takes everything personally, even if it is directed on those of my classmates who dont study shit and dont even care, and not me who literally learns every damn letter for his tests) also i have an upcoming chemistry exam in spring which i also didnt have the time to really start preparing for.

the dorm was just the cherry on top, with all those skinny girls, and the ones who could never not mention their diet or weightloss or even just be quiet during the 'silentium' (the compulsory study time in the dorm). my roommates were always having fun, noisily, happily, while i was sitting at my desk, barely keeping myself together, so so angry and so so SO jealous of them who could enjoy their time. which i didnt have. unerstandable though, they are attending different, less strict schools and/or are 2 years younger.

so living in that dorm and going to school was draining my time and even more my energy, my mental space, my sanity even, and i was spiraling, like badly.

im honestly so grateful for my parents for not letting me stay in that hell for any longer. i have been at home since last friday, and i honestly enjoy it a lot. i have much more time now, i can sleep enough and study without rushing. it is nice, i could even try solving a few chemistry exam sheets from the previous years and it actually went well!! im really glad :D

though ed-wise im not doing so good. the digestive issues are the biggest problem rn. being in pain for hours after a meal just discourages me from eating tbh.

my parents made some rules: i mustnt do any exercise, only a little yoga (less than an hour daily, just twice a week allowed to be an hour long), and i mustnt walk for longer than 30 mins. i think it goes without saying that i can easily break the time-related ones, but at least while doing so i know im not supposed to do that, and i stopped exercising which is progress in itself (not huge but hey). there arent any eating related rules. yet. i say this bc my mom always checks my weight in the mornings when shes still at home when i wake up, and she tells my dad, who will soon get really angry if i dont gain any. he is already angry for my complains about my stomach pain, he says he is never not in some kind of pain (he is 50) so really i should just get used to it. but my mom told me he had told her he thought i should see a doctor with this, so actually he does care about me a lot, he just cant communicate it. me coming home was his idea too. he cant stand seeing me destroying myself and he only wants the best for me, i know that.

i can only stay at home for 4 weeks (with this one) otherwise i have to repeat this grade. or decide to be homeschooled from now on. this wont be an easy decision.

all in all, ive been trying not to worry much in the past few days but soon its time to think about what i plan to do in the future. and i should do something about my stomach too, it cant keep going like this. so, a lot of things to do, but at least im in a calm, supportive environment now (my mom is the one who is always there for me and im super super thankful for her). idk what will happen, i hope things fall into place.

i dont rly expect anyone to read all of this, it was just nice to type it out, but if you did then congratulations now you know my current struggles more than anyone irl!!!! (okay maybe except for my mom, but still)

[jayflrt]

one.

PLEASE YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABT THEM BEING EITHER RED FLAGS OR UNCUFFABLE 😭😭 but yass single life it's not that bad lmao

omg 5 essays thats crazy but you did it and im really proud of you for that ! :)

ive been doing well! i actually just had my spring break so i caught up in some sleep and also i got a new piercing :o i got a second one on my left lobe and i feel so cool now ehehe

((also "love"? im meltignjsjdfj <3))

two.

IM CRYINGAJDJFJF SWIM TO GET OUT OF BED????? no wonder he was stomping just to get yogurt 😭😭 HAHA PLS WHY ARE YOU CHOKING HIM AND WHY DOES IT LOOK SO FUNNYHAHDIFI. oh em jay congrats on the sims relationship tho ig sims jay finds attempted murders attractive

three.

im scared what is this story about and why is barbie in it and why the black plague 😭🧍for me when i had my wattpad phase it wasnt my titles that were embarassing (and the full-of-plot-holes writing aside bc i was young and dumb) it was my story covers 😭😭😭 MY COVERS WERE SO BAD idk what went thru my head when i decided to add 10 vignettes on top of e/o and add that disperse effect on picsart👎 and the fonts i used too were so . like i really had better font options too man— 💀

- 🌻

i see so many ppl on tiktok who go to school with cute guys who are good ppl apparently like ?? wow none of those where i am 😵‍💫 but yesyes so true i just want my degree and then i’ll think about relationships later 🤧 AHH TYTY last week felt so long bc it was just essay after essay 😭😭 but i’m so glad to be done with those now :’) and omg i’m glad you got to catch up on sleep during your break !! i’m on my spring break rn and i think i’ve gotten more sleep when i had school tbh 😭 ALSO CONGRATS ON YOUR PIERCING i’ve been considering the second lobe bc they look so cool :o

HAHAH RIGHT HES PROBABLY GROUCHY IN THE MORNINGS BC OF THE WORKOUT 😭 heeseung’s sim doesn’t complain tho .. very interesting HAHAH but omg yesterday i downloaded some ccs so they look better(??) it doesn’t completely look like them but we’re getting warmer HAHAH and tbh cherryhee looks like taehyun lowkey 💀

i’m pretty sure it was an english project my friend and i did together, like a writing assignment about the black plague and we just decided to tie in barbie too(???) but it was actually so funny to read 😭😭 AND OH MY GOD SAMEEE MY WATTPAD COVERS WERE SO BAD HAHAH i think they got slightly better when i started writing for kpop but i asked my friend who had a graphic shop to make me covers instead bc i didn’t like how they looked :’)