#just need one or two more flu pills haha

[risustravelogue]

haircut tomorrow yay

[whumpmatsus]

Do they have to be whump related? Also Ichimatsu getting a shot pls

wasn't sure if you wanted a draw or a fic, so I did both!

and yeah, any draw or fic requests you send here should probably be whump-related since this is a whump-focused blog

though if you wanna send any draw or fic/scenario/reaction/etc. requests that AREN'T whump, you can send them to my general Osomatsu-san blog at @kisskissmatsu!

enjoooooy <3

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Usually Ichimatsu is the sextuplet who’s fine being left all by himself.

Being in the hospital without his family, though, is a much different story.

It started innocently enough ― with a persistent cough that was almost certainly the herald of a cold or sore throat on the horizon. As much as he hates being sick, he sort of resigned himself to it. He’s the one among his brothers who’s forever catching what happens to be going around, despite the fact that he doesn’t spend a lot of time around other people. That’s why he started wearing a face mask when he does leave the house.

It was about a week or so of sneezing, coughing, and sniffling his way through various attempts to rest. His throat felt worse than it usually did with a cold, and even more alarming was that his chest felt like it was on fire, especially when he started coughing. Even though he started having trouble breathing, he thought maybe this was just something that would linger for a bit, something that needed more sleep to recover from.

When things didn’t taper off after that, since a week was typically all it took for him to start feeling better, the others started commenting on it.

When Ichimatsu started to spend more time in the bathroom with a sink full of hot water in the hopes that the steam would help him breathe easier, and it didn’t seem to be having any effect, they all got worried.

When Karamatsu blurted out, “I secretly took Ichimatsu’s temperature with a forehead thermometer while he was sleeping and it read 39.4!”, Mom and Dad immediately carted their fourth son off to the hospital.

It figures Shittymatsu would get him into this mess, but Ichimatsu supposes that the sneaky gesture was only out of care, otherwise Karamatsu wouldn’t have spoken up about a number that concerned him.

That doesn’t mean he has to like it. After a distressing, panic-inducing few hours of waiting and a date with the X-ray machine, the doctor diagnosed him with bacterial pneumonia. That particular diagnosis ensured that he had to be admitted into the hospital under quarantine, because as the doctor explained, bacterial pneumonia is extremely contagious and potentially life-threatening, particularly to someone with a fragile immune system like Ichimatsu. They can’t send him home to infect his brothers or the rest of the community, and even though he isn’t technically immuno-compromised, his tendency to get sick easily means that it’s better for him to be here in the hospital in case things suddenly take a bad turn.

Being in here is like he’s trapped in hell and can’t get out. Because he’s in quarantine, he never sees anybody. Which would be fine normally. Feeling so poorly is a significant reason for wanting his family nearby, though… and he can’t have them.

The most they can do is visit outside his room and talk to him through the speaker system. That’s even worse, seeing them all and not being able to have any real contact with him. Right now more than anything, what he wants is a hug from his mom. God, he wants a hug from his brothers.

It’s hard to even get any rest like he’s supposed to be doing. Most of his time is spent sitting up, trying to get a sufficient breath in while he listens to various TV channels. The idol news reminds him of Choromatsu, sports statistics remind him of Jyushimatsu, game shows remind him of Osomatsu, American dramas remind him of Karamatsu, and fashion shows remind him of Totty.

Those are just distractions, because it’s still hard to breathe. He’s struggling for most of his breaths, but too deep a breath will trigger a coughing fit. Which, in turn, makes it more difficult to breathe.

It’s barely been a day since he was admitted and already he wants out of here.

His brothers visit sometime after lunch, and they spend a few hours. Eventually the nurse gently chases them out, telling them that Ichimatsu needs to try to get some rest. Shortly after that she comes into the room, rolling her little cart with the tray on it.

“How do you feel today, Ichimatsu?” she hums, pulling on a pair of gloves. “Any better than when we admitted you?”

He shakes his head and tries to answer when another series of coughs interrupts him. Although it’s hard to cover his mouth when his whole body is aching, he does his best. After all, he doesn’t want to get anyone else sick. He’s already in quarantine, so all the doctors and nurses are taking their own precautions; still, he shouldn’t just give up and spread his germs carelessly. “N-not really.”

She nods and picks up a wrapped packet from the tray. “Well, to be honest, that’s understandable. It hasn’t been very long.” The packet is ripped open, and the distinct smell of alcohol fills the air as she carefully pushes his sleeve up. “The lack of improvement does concern us, though. So I just have to give you an injection of some medicine, okay?”

Shit. He thought that might be what was going on here. He knows he’s too exhausted to fight it, and yet, his brain evidently isn’t too exhausted to not be fucking anxious about it. “I… I have to get a shot?”

The cold wipe is rubbed against the top part of his arm. “Yeahhh… I’m sorry. This is penicillin, and it’s one of our standard treatments for pneumonia. The doctor thinks you’ll have better luck sitting still for one shot than for a whole pill-and-water deal, since you’re coughing a lot. I kind of have to agree, since you might accidentally inhale some water if you cough while trying to take the pills.”

Immediately he starts to panic. Most of the time the idea of a shot doesn’t bother him more than it might the average person ― he gets the yearly flu vaccine without any problems. Right now, however… the idea of a shot while he’s already feeling so terrible, the initial pinch and the ache that might happen afterwards and being alone, it just feels scary.

The nurse must hear the way his breathing starts to quicken, or maybe the way his hands start shaking. She gives his shoulder a little pat. “Ah, I know on your chart it says you suffer from some anxiety. Are you a bit anxious right now?”

“Y… yeah…”

“Okay. That’s totally fine, you know? Different people get anxious about different things. Would it help if I distracted you, or if I gave you a countdown so you know when it’s coming? Sometimes that helps so it’s not a surprise… or, sometimes people prefer it to be a surprise. Which one do you think would be best for you?”

… Oh. He wasn’t expecting something like that. It almost feels like he has a little control over this, despite the fact that he has to get the injection either way. “C… can you… count down?”

“Sure, of course. No problem.” Then she reaches over with one hand, grabbing the syringe with the other. “Would you like to hold my hand?”

That’s kind of… babyish, isn’t it? “I-I’m not a kid… I don’t wanna…”

She chuckles. “Well, you know, earlier today I held the hand of an elderly lady who was getting a shot. It’s not just a kid thing. But if you don’t want to, that’s fine too.”

He takes a moment to consider that, then silently slips his hand into hers.

“Alright, just squeeze if you feel like you need to. I’m all set, are you?”

“I… I think so…”

“Okay, I’m gonna give you the countdown then. Here we go. Three ― two ― one.”

As soon as she says the last number, he feels the needle pierce his skin. It’s uncomfortable, a sharp kind of pinprick pain. There’s a slight feeling of tightness and soreness as the medicine is emptied into his muscle, and a brief jolt when the nurse pulls the needle out.

All in all, even though it isn’t a pleasant experience, it’s not as bad as it could have been. It’s certainly better than choking on a pill and a glass of water if he had to try to swallow the medication.

And, at least, it’s over now.

“There. You did great, Ichimatsu. Probably my best patient of the day!” With that, she sets the syringe back down on the tray and gingerly smooths a bandage with a cotton ball over the injection site. “That should keep you clean just in case any blood trickles out from the shot, and someone will come take it off later if the adhesive starts to make your skin itch.”

He nods and coughs into his arm again, giving a soft groan. He’s just so tired, from the fever, from the coughing, from not being home. “Is it gonna m… khh… make me tired?”

“Haha, it shouldn’t, no. You might feel a little nauseous, or you might have to go to the bathroom more, or you might get a small itchy rash… just press the call button if any of that happens or if you feel strange otherwise, okay?” Her cart is all packed up already, and she’s heading out of the room. “If you get tired, it’s probably because you’re sick and need rest. So, try to sleep as much as you can.”

“’Kay.” He just feels like this illness has drained everything out of him, and there’s a little throbbing where he got the injection. But, the more he sleeps, hopefully the sooner he can recover and go home.

On her way out, the nurse dims the lights. Practically as soon as she does, Ichimatsu’s eyes start to drift closed. God, he’s so tired.

He lies down, though the bed is still a little elevated since sleeping flat will just make him cough more. Sleep tugs at him, and he has to move a little bit so he’s not putting any pressure on the area where he got the shot.

Soon. Soon he can go home.

Just as soon as he gets better.

[pfreadsandwrites]

hi! i absolutely adore your writing it’s genuinely the most in character stuff i’ve ever read!! i’ve been thinking about this for a bit and i was wondering what you think kakashi’s response would be to being home alone when his kid gets sick (s/o is like at work or a mission or something) and this is like not a request or anything i’m just curious what you think!

 Ahhh thank you so much that’s so kind!!! Made my day haha. And thanks for asking about this, thinking about this really got me into a writing kind of mood so I hope this day will be productive in that sense lmao. 

Hmmm let’s see.

Well first off Kakashi’s going to be out of his comfort zone a little bit. Things like this are usually his s/o’s arena. He’s a lil more typical dad in that he’s not so confident in his own ability to like, do the hands-on parenting? Don’t get me wrong, he’s not gonna leave it all to his s/o where possible, but the caretaker/nurturer stuff doesn’t come naturally to him at all. He’s like a ‘fun dad’ in that his kids love hanging out with him, he’s just chill and funny and everyone has a great time, but he might be the more serious/levelheaded parent when they need disciplining or when he has to be, and he’s good at teaching them lessons and making sure they’re safe and he’s a great provider and protector and all that but when it comes to more day to day caring for their children he’s just a little out of his element. He slowly learns more, and he absolutely does it when it’s needed from him and does not want to leave it all to his s/o, but this is really going to be strongly their arena. Also, during most of the series he’s a super heavy active-duty jounin and pretty much Konoha’s most in-demand one, and after that, he’s Hokage. So it comes down to time and the fact that everybody requires so much of him. Like, he doesn’t neglect his kids, and is pretty good at working his life around them, but he would straight up not be able to do most of the hands-on day to day care just logistically, whether it came super naturally to him or not. 

  Plus, the contrast is a little crazy for him. Like, assassination? Can do it in his sleep. Wars? He’s more familiar than he should be. S-rank missions? Pfft, whatever. Running the village? It’s going well. Taking care of tiny humans that he helped create? Wtf this is so difficult omg where his s/o how could they leave him in the dark like this it is one of the scariest things he’s ever had to do, what the hell is he doing he doesn’t know. Which is why having a s/o that will be try to hand-hold him through it is so important.

So when the s/o is away for some reason, and Kakashi has to take care of his sick child, it’s just a little nerve-wracking. I mean, assuming the kid is a few years old by this point, he’s definitely familiar with caretaking basics, but he probably does rely on his s/o, and maybe he hasn’t realised how much until they’re gone lmao. But still, I think he’d be alright. Won’t be like ‘oh my baby i’ll do this and this and this for you I’m sorry you’re sick 😢’ and keep fussing over the kid but he’ll definitely keep a watch over them. He’s not necessarily overly sympathetic with his kid, just very matter-of-fact, like oh dear, you’re sick, guess you have to stay in bed. Like he’s not too worried about them being sick unless they get really bad. Will be strict when he has to, like if the kid decides they want to do something they’re not supposed to, like Idk, start trying to practice ninjutsu or something or wanna eat candy or whatever that’s not going to happen. And he’ll show up with chicken soup or something and medicine etc. . Can imagine if it’s like something pill like, like paracetamol (half-dose, he has some common sense) and him just handing it over to his kid and his kid being like ‘Dad Idk how to swallow a pill’ and Kakashi just has a wow moment cuz he didn’t even clock that that’s a thing kids struggle with cuz he was doing all that by himself by that age, it’s like little things like that that kinda make him think wow how can someone like me be doing this. But you know, he’s chill, he gets over it pretty fast.  

But I think it’s funny to imagine the kid being like ‘Mom does it like this...’ when Kakashi is tucking them in or giving them food or something, or “when’s Mom coming back?” or “I miss Mommy” and Kakashi’s all yeah you and me both kid ack. Generally, he doesn’t doesn’t do anything stupid and ticks all the boxes though he’s reluctant to get a little too close because he can’t afford to get sick as well? So RIP if contagious kiddy Hatake want some comfort cuddles, might trick them into cuddling a clone or a pillow that smells like him or he might just give in, at which point the kid decides that their mom’s hugs are better in these kinds of situations anyway. But I can imagine Kakashi would enjoy the time with the kid, like just lazily watching some of their favourite movies with them while the kid is all wrapped up in blankets etc and he can use the time to not work and have a good excuse, and also he just likes hanging out with the kid even if being sick makes them quieter than usual (that might be good tbh), it’s pretty nice. 

Still though, taking care of his kid takes a lot out of him even if it doesn’t seem like he’s doing much. Like it’s just not natural to him and he’s kinda mentally exhausted wondering if he’s doing everything right and thinking he’s kind of a fuck-up. He’s not as bad as he thinks, and he knows that to some degree, but it’s all just so tiring. When the s/o finally comes back he’s all like oh thank God. And they’re like everything seems fine??? And yes but that’s not the point lmao. And he’s not one to forget or take his s/o for granted, but it definitely reaffirms in his mind how important they are and how lucky he is to have them. 

Though it’s way more funny to imagine Kakashi getting sick from the kid too despite his best efforts and his s/o coming home to not one, but two sick babies to look after lmao. Kakashi being sick is funny cuz though at first he wouldn’t be super happy to being taken care of i can just imagine him being like, such a typical man-flu sufferer and turning into a such a baby lmao.

Like specifically what I thought about was the kid having chickenpox, and Kakashi somehow never having that as a kid, and getting it from them and yeah the s/o just comes home to just a nightmare lmao or maybe Kakashi wearing mittens holding his mitten wearing daughter or something while he’s trying to read her a book to distract them both

I hope I answered your question lol! This was fun to think about and thanks again for the kind words :)

[spooky-babyz]

PSA - health trumps job insecurity

hi.

i just wanted to come on here and say that, since it’s flu season, don’t undermine your health if you feel like “it’s just a cold, it’ll go away” when it progresses after a few days. 

i have this thing where no matter how i’m feeling, physically or emotionally or mentally, i continue going to work because i have “superwoman” syndrome and think i’m invincible... and also because my employer literally don’t care. the “don’t die, i need you to come into work today, haha” is strong at my place of employment.

i was sick the weeks leading up to my quick decline in health, and the entire time, i was still going to work as scheduled. the week prior to my diagnosis, i had been going to work each day with a new layer. by the last day, i was at work, i was wearing two layers of pants, a sweater, a hoodie with my hood up, a beanie tugged way down over my ears and forehead, a thick wrap scarf around my neck and covering my mouth and nose. everyone could clearly see and hear that i was sick.

i was having one of my intense coughing fits in the backroom at work when the boss walked by. she stops and asks, “hey! you good?” i had mentioned i just coughed up some blood and that my mother thinks i might have pneumonia. her response? “aw, lord have mercy... hey, the milk truck is here. go help break it down.”

the reason i constantly refused to call out sick is that i feared being fired, but i also undermined how bad my condition was and avoided seeking a doctor.

when my mother heard about the blood, she picked me up and took me to the local walk-in clinic. i was diagnosed with Type A flu, had chest x-rays to check for pneumonia, and was ordered not to go to work for the rest of the week. i also got three prescription medications, one of which was Tamiflu. Then there was a codeine cough syrup, and Benz pills to help with my coughing (i would cry myself to sleep from the pain of the coughing that kept waking me up throughout the night).

that was all monday. 

today is wednesday.

my body is feeling a lot better and stronger to fight the rest of this virus. there’s still the painful cough, but that’s one of the longest-lasting things that come with the flu, and i can bear with it because i know that it’s my body getting rid of the rest of the congestion in my lungs.

i haven’t had a fever since starting my medications, and i am no longer contagious at this point. i am clear to return to work friday (that may change depending what my doctor says at my check-up tomorrow).

the point of this being: don’t undermine your health, even if it’s based on a fear of losing your job. if so, seek a doctor just to make sure you know what your body is fighting. if you are fighting more than a cold, your employer can’t legally deny doctor’s orders. that gave me a lot of peace of mind, and it’ll give you the same.

[magicalsalamander]

Sangria Wine

⊸Pairing: BTS Yoongi ⇆ Reader

⊸Genre: Vampire| CEO| Medical| Fluff| Angst| Slight Horror

⊸Summary: When rent is cutting short and you’re at your last resort. Your job has been cutting your hours slowly, and bills were stacking up. You walk into a donation center, blood donating center for the undead to earn some quick cash, but…the thing is…you’re afraid of needles.

⊸Word: 6.1K 

⊸Rating: teen; mentions of blood and phobia of needles/blood, fainting, vampiric activity, and mentions of mating.

⊸ A/N: Based on my experience with needles and how I’m a wimp and pass out. This Yoongi is pretty cliche, but I mean who doesn’t love a good angsty Yoongi. Thanks for reading! Gif source unknown, but I don’t take credit for it.

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The nurse takes the earpieces of her stethoscope out of her ears and tilts her head, “Your blood pressure is still high.”

You shy away from her look of concern, this is embarrassing. After waiting ten minutes for it to go down, the results are still the same. It won’t go down from a static 140/80, you know that, “Doctor offices just make me nervous, I’m fine.”

She hums and writes down a note on your chart. Finally she puts two and two together, “White Coat Syndrome,” clicking her pen on her clipboard, “it’s when patients, much like yourself, are anxious because of the people walking around in white coats.”

You halfheartedly chuckle, “Yeah, haha, that’s the one.” You hear it every time you come in to a doctor’s office. You tried explaining it to her earlier, but she put her stethoscope in her ears instead determined it was just a mechanical error.

The hypertension is never because of the doctors, but the needles—bloodwork specifically. Your mind and body are disconnected. You know it isn’t a big deal, it’s a split-second ordeal, boom, bam, done! It’s not even that painful, it’s a mere pinch at most, but for as long as you could remember you’ve had this issue. Although the fainting didn’t start until your teen years, mostly because the nurses offering you candy wasn’t enough to distract you anymore. You even know the symptoms of an oncoming episode by heart now: hearing dulls to a high pitch ring, sudden rise in body temperature, blurry vision then timber you’re out like a light!

Even though you’re aware of the rational side of it, the anxiety is still there.

Your hands feel clammy, as you repeat the words to yourself with a sigh: White Coat Syndrome.

This is your first time at this clinic, so they don’t have that special, little note on record. Which ironically is a good thing, you couldn’t be honest with her and tell her it was because of the needles that perturb you…and that you are likely to faint. You need to be here today.

The nurse wraps her stethoscope around her neck, “Alright, Ms. Y/L/N, everything checks out. I’m going to ready a room and I’ll be back in a moment your receiver should be here soon.”

You nod and she is gone with a click of the door. “He should be here soon,” those words echo in the back of your mind. You busy your mind on something else by reading the posters around the room. They are typical ones the importance of getting the annual flu shot, hygiene and information on human diseases that can affect vampires and other supernatural. You let out a heavy sigh as you read over them three then four times for the sake of not driving yourself crazy. It occurs to you that not only do humans have a huge effect on the environment, but now we’ve effected supernatural beings. Way to go humans.

Three knocks on the door interrupts your reading and the nurse peeks back in, “Are you ready Ms. Y/L/N?”

You wipe your sweaty hands on your jeans and slip off the examination table. You stand still for a few seconds to stabilize your feet. You grab your coat and squeeze it as you respond through a fake smile, “Ready.”

Your feet were leading you down the endless white hallways instead of your overactive mind. The mild ringing in your ears were dulling the noises around you, so you follow the nurse like a lost puppy. Suspiciously this place smells overtly sterile, even to your non-supernatural nose. It’s probably because of all the…blood. You hold your coat tighter to you, “Shut your mind off, shut it off, positive thoughts only.” You could already feel your face flushing from the self-induced anxiety. You keep repeating to yourself like a mantra, “It’s going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen, why do you do this to yourself? You know you’re going to be alright.”

You don’t realize you’ve made it to the phlebotomy ward until the nurse you are following opens a room for you. You thank her, and walk into the room rapidly. You take in the new, small room and it was far from what you were expecting. It’s nice…it lacks the same clinical posters from the checkup room and instead it’s replaced with minimal décor. It still smells very sterile though. The nurse speaks from the doorway, “Your receiver will be with you shortly and when the session is over I will come back to check up on you before you leave.”

She closes the door behind her with an eerie click. You heavily sigh as you slump into the first seat you see when your legs give out. Your head is chaotically buzzing, and your heart is beating so hard you could feel your pulse drumming in your ears. This was probably a bad idea—this is a bad idea. You shook your head clearing your thoughts again, no, this was a good idea. You could do this. You could do this! You straighten yourself out and sit near the edge of the seat, tuck your feet together and set your spine rigid. If your receiver will come in here any minute you need to be a bit more put together. If you put it out in the universe it will come true kind of mindset.

The supernatural are apart of normal society, they live amongst humans. They work, live and function alongside humans. You’ve never been nervous about vampires, or any supernatural being, but today those fangs hold a different emotion.

You breathe in slowly and deeply to make sure you are still breathing. If you aren’t actively thinking about it you would probably be turning blue by now. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Inha—three, soft knocks rasped against the door. If I hadn’t been so hyperaware of my breathing I probably wouldn’t have caught it. I jump in my seat then stutter out, “C-C-Come in.” Wonderful, just a wonderful first impression.

A tall, lean figure slips into the room with his back turned to me with his head down. He is dressed professionally with a navy-blue button down and black slacks. Your eye follows his silhouette to his hand strangling the handle of his brown leather briefcase. His briefcase isn’t fully close and a few documents are sticking out of it front pockets. Is the vampire nervous or just…really hungry?

When he turns around, lifting his head, his expression is stoic, lips thin like a line giving away no hint of reaction. You hold your breath when he flicks his half-lidded eyes up meeting yours. His deep, brown predatorial eyes watch yours, observing you from head to toe. It is as if he is waiting for you to break contact first. You feel your saliva thicken in the back of your throat as you struggle to say a greeting. Never before had the mere presence of someone take your breath away. His dark eyes convey his prowess as a vampire, establishing his role in this transaction right away. His naturally dominant aura penetrates the room replacing the ethanol out until all you could smell is his earthen cologne.

Even though you feel insecure under his gaze, you couldn’t help but keep your eyes lock with his. There is an unexplainable pull that keeps you in those two orb’s gravities. He is very attractive to say the least. You swallow hard. Did he have to be good looking? It made your phobia infinity more embarrassing. He had a face that would haunt your dreams and nightmares.

Your eyes broke contact when he watched my throat bob and he knew I had swallowed. I turned away from his gaze and tried wiping away at the blush staining my cheeks.

Just your luck.

After four hundred years you would think he’d learn his lesson by now. He should have perfected the way to living, however, he always forgets that there’s a chaotic variable that ruins perfection: humans. They’re creatures that put too many factors into the pot and it spoils the broth. Things should be simple, but they never are. Things always ends up being troublesome on his part.

He’s spent the last few weeks stowed away in the boardrooms and his office working on a big project. Today, he closed the deal with the international broker and will start importing overseas. Everyone wanted to celebrate the billion dollar deal but he ditched the investors and other executives in order to make this appointment. He didn’t care if ditching them only deepened the rumors about him, he owns the company. He knew his reputation, he even knew the vicious nickname the employees whispered. They called him the red shadow. He was infamously known to be cold, calculated, and a perfectionist. When the red shadow walked to and from meeting rooms, the employees would stop what they’re doing and tremble in fright. Not always literally, but he’d hear it in their frantic heartbeat or the sudden pungent smell of ammonia from stress. They worried that they were going to be scrutinized or that they would be the next on his list. His eyes would hauntingly burn crimson when he was stressed. Despite supernaturals being amongst the normal, prejudice still ran deep. A vampire’s reputation ran deep and was naturally synonyms with fear itself.

In the past two weeks he had reaped the nickname dry. He hadn’t feed properly, and the iron pills weren’t keeping the hunger at bay for more than a few hours at a time. Synthetic Blood bags wasn’t able to truly fill that want for fresh blood either. Normally he liked to feed from a live source every two week, but that didn’t fit his schedule.

As soon as he knew the deal was closing, he made his secretary set up an appointment at the clinic for today. He couldn’t have felt more relieved when he got confirmation email a few days ago, and it’s been the only thing he’s looking forward to. He could’ve brought a donator to his office, but he doesn’t eat and work in the same room and well…it was against the law. Congress forty years ago drew up legislation for stricter guidelines on blood donating and receiving. This was all because too many individuals were found dead as a result of careless feeding. This also forced the supernatural to come to light from the underground. Under the law he was required to feed at a clinic or contract a donator through the government. Humans, he mentally scoffs. The idea of contracting someone revolted him. Although his clients were never usually unpleasant, but something was always off with their scents, too talkative, or just…creepy. He’s never wanted to rely on anyone for anything, especially concerning sustaining his life.

He walks up to the front desk and signs in and takes the typical swab test from the nurse. He swabs the inside of his cheeks quickly and tucked the swab back in its sanitary wrap it came in. He hands it back to the lab tech waiting behind the receptionist. His head is pounding furiously. He runs his free hand through his hair trying to feel for a source. It isn’t painful, but an annoying hard and fast thrumming…almost like a heartbeat.

He is brought back to his senses when the receptionist sweetly smiles at him, “Thank you Mr. Min, please wait a moment and we will begin shortly.” He harshly blinks and picks up his blazer and briefcase finding a seat in the empty waiting room without further word. He deduces that it isn’t another supernatural creature influencing him. Why is his head pounding then? He sits back in his chair and laces his hands together in his lap and takes a deep breath. He rolls his neck as he lets the feeling take over.

Throb, throb, throb, throb.

In the silence of the waiting room he hears it. It’s faint but it’s there. He tunes into the erratic heartbeat that’s somewhere in this building. He holds his breath for a moment to see if the delicious rate matches up with his pounding head.

Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub.

He groans under his breath and licks his lips. The animalistic side to his supernatural tendency is creeping up his throat. He’s never felt so connected to a heartbeat before. His body feels like its crawling with jitters for not seeking it out. His leg begins shaking, he slaps a hand on his tight forcing it to stop fidgeting. He suppresses his instincts to follow the pulse to its owner with all his might. The walls are well insulated for the sake of privacy, but he could feel it so viscerally.

He is about to groan under his breath again when he heard his name being called. He takes a deep breath in and lets his expression fall neutral again, except the bags under his eyes gave away that he is a starved man. He gets up as calmly and follows the petite woman who has similar bags under her eyes as much as she tries smiling through it. That’s what happens naturally when humans force switches their biological clock to nocturnal. “Hello, Mr. Min, please follow me over to the oral cleaning station.”

He follows routine, but as he is cleaning his teeth with the sanitation elixir he feels the pulse beating in harshly his fingertips. He nearly spits out his mouth wash as he feels his fingertips tingle like when they go numb, but you try using them again. The thrumming of energy in his veins makes him lowly moan but he wills it away as by gargling the disgusting mouth wash.

He is clean, but he knows this procedure is also a part of the new act. Human to vampire disease is on the rise, but so is vampire to human. Today following routine is agitating him. He wants to feed, no needs, so that he wasn’t hyperaware of a heartbeat. In order to save his pride he concludes that he is just aware of it because he is starved. He was stuck in the office so long that he must be hallucinating. His senses were overreacting because all he’s had was fake plasma and he wants the organic supply. He is in control, not the salacious pulse. He knows himself better.

He spit out the mouthwash into the sink with disgust and rinses his mouth out with water fast. He wants this done and over with as soon as possible. Sleep, sleep would do him so well after this.

“Follow me Mr. Min, your donor is waiting for you,” he grunts then follows the nurse down the familiar hall to one of the many donating room. The white walls he had seen for years now feels unfamiliar, just as new as the sensation running through his veins. It irked his ego that this is throwing off every one of his senses. He isn’t sure he is following the nurse or his instincts anymore. He unexpectedly groans when he feels a strong beat in his own chest. The nurse turns around with an eyebrow raised. He finishes that groan off with a cough, bring a hand up to his mouth to conceal it politely. The nurse smirks thinking the insinuation is for her. He rolls his eyes as she turns back around.

They walk past rooms and the harder the pulse feels in his veins, chest, and fingers. Its engulfed him and its all he can feel. The nurse stands outside a door and slips a chart into the folder. He stares at the door because itself seemed to pulse. He knows whomever the owner is of the bothersome heartbeat is inside this room. The nurse knocks softly and she steps back, “You have fifteen minutes Mr. Min.” He didn’t respond to her and she tried waving a hand in front of his face, but he didn’t blink or acknowledge her. She takes it as he understood and leaves. He grabs the handle and depresses it when he heard a response, “C-Come in.”

The being behind this door was supernatural he was sure of it, only a voice so enchanting voice could belong to a siren. Why else would he feel such a pull? He pushes the door open like any sailor would. When the door cracks open just an inch, the sweet scent from the room floods into the hallway. His eyes fall hooded as the sweet scent fill his frozen lungs. It put him in a catatonic state that fully wakes his instinctual half. It’s oddly addictive yet bothersome to his core. He isn’t weak to his instincts. He wasn’t.

He steps into the room and closes the door behind him. He slowly looks up from the ground and finally gets a look at the siren. He clenches his jaw as his whole body pulses like an earthquake as you make eye contact. The source of the erratic heartbeat is seated in front of him.

You aren’t a siren…but a human. Human. You’re beautiful like a siren though, but you’re trembling like a leaf. He knows he shouldn’t feel primal about a simple donation, but you are like a frightened bunny under the watchful gaze of a hungry wolf. Yet, he wasn’t one of those dogs, he was a prideful vampire.

His earlier irritation mellows out when he senses your distress. The way your eyes are glossy make him choke back, honestly, he can’t help how endearing you are. His starvation subsides and all he wants to do is take me into his arms and rest the tremors. He wants to feel that heartbeat against his chest.

He shouldn’t do that though, this is a simple transaction. He is a receiver you are a donor. He rolls his neck trying to bring himself back to neutral, he isn’t himself today.

He takes in a deep breath that was unnecessary since he doesn’t breathe. He practically glides over to the seat across from you and sits down gracefully. He cautiously takes your hands away from my cheeks. His touch is gentle and…icy cold, his hands are so cold. You didn’t realize you raised your hands to your cheeks in an attempt to cool yourself down. His touch is the instant relief your burning body is looking for.

It’s electrical, he squeezes your hand feeling the shock light up his nerves. It felt like being jolted by a defibrillator. You were so warm. Warmth, it’s amazing, he hasn’t felt warmth for a very long time, it’s always a numb feeling whenever he touches anyone. Four hundred years is a long time to miss something. He gets a new wave of your scent as your breath hitches in your throat. You must’ve felt it as well. He closes his eyes for a moment holding back the red threatening to heavily bleed into his eyes. He didn’t want to scare away the bunny.

He peels his eyes open slowly, but he didn’t realize he is only inches away from your face. You didn’t move away from him though or back down like he expects. Your eyes are staring directly into his pitch-black feline like eyes and he can’t tear his eyes away from the intense gaze. The dilation then contraction of your pupils signal that you were searching for something in his. What is going on?

His voice comes out low and soft, almost like a breathy whisper, “Hey, it’s going to be okay. I’m not going to hurt you.”

He offers me a soft smile and it feels like a different person is in front of you. The stoic individual can actually be…warm. His harsh features suddenly feel more inviting and you can believe his words. You gulp and lick your lips, finally greeted him, “Hello.”

His eyes follow the movement and cracks a bigger smile; his duality takes you back yet again. He whips his eyes back up meeting yours. He releases your hand, all be it reluctantly, but he knows to keep to himself for the sake of professionalism. But God, does it feel almost painful to let go. He is never like this, he’s never felt the need to be close to someone. He needs to keep it together. Why is a mere human having this much of an effect over him? He links his fingers together to keep the urge from holding your hand again, “Hello.”

You feel the need to disclose, “It’s-It’s my first time…doing this.”

He smirks. God, so endearing, “I could tell.”

You want to whine to physically dispel the cringing embarrassment. You had forgotten that they could hear your heart beat and you’re sure much more. Could he smell your sweat too? What else could he sense! Jesus, you’re a mess and nothing has even happened yet.

He licks his lips, he is having a hard time not focusing on the pulse in my neck. It’s like the beckoning call of a mistress at the door of a brothel in the red-light district. And that scent! That sweet scent of fruits with a hint of acidity from stress is drowning him, it’s like fresh sangria wine. Sangria. Sangre. He off handedly wonders if your lips taste like a mix of the two from the way you are biting down on your lower lip hard enough to bleed. He grunts down a groan that was arising in his throat. This siren.

“What’s your name?” He asks in a husky voice, a byproduct from suppressing his noises. He needs to change the subject and loosen the tension in the atmosphere.

You look up, “Y/n, and you?”

“Yoongi, it’s nice to meet you Y/N.” He tests your name on his tongue and it rolls off salaciously. He offers a hand, breaking his self-promise giving him an excuse to touch you again under the disguise of politeness. You took it willingly. He feels how sweaty your hand had become and then he notices a single tear of sweat dripping down your temple. Were you nervous? Was he scaring you that bad? Its kind of expected for a first timer to be nervous, but sweating? He mulls over it for a second, of course you’d be afraid of him, everyone was, he is a vampire. The red shadow.

However, he didn’t want you to be though. It makes the phantom heartbeat in his chest skip a beat at the thought of you disliking him. The rejection hit him viscerally. He didn’t even know you, yet it really matters. He would never hurt the bunny.

He decides to keep the short conversation going. He never usually offers his donors a bit of conversation prior to a transaction, afterall, they’re a meal. This is business, but here he is breaking his own rules for you. “So, Y/N, what brought you here?”

You pull your hands away this time and squint when you believe you hear a whine from Yoongi. You answer honestly, “Work…has been cutting hours and I need the money to make ends meet.”

He raises a brow, a bit surprised at the honesty. A lot of the clients that come in are here for the gimmick or to satisfy some sort of fetish they have. It doesn’t bother Yoongi, as long as he feed at the end of the day he really didn’t care.

He keeps with his curiosity, “Where do you work?”

You habitually lick your chapping lips tasting the minimal Chapstick left, “MYG Technological Corps.”

He licks his lips as you did, he didn’t realize he was copying your demeanor. When he hears the name of the company his eyebrows raise, that was his company. How had he not known about you? Did you know that he was the owner? Was that why you were so shy and nervous?

He fishes for answers nonchalantly, “Really? What kind of work do you do?”

“Marketing,” you relax a bit in your chair. You find yourself rambling, “I enjoy working there. I’ve just started working about two months ago, so I didn’t know much, but it’s a great place. Except…my team manager, he is…a bit of a fuck up. He piles work on everyone else and when he got reprimand for it by his superior he fires people in rage only to realize his mistake when the persons are gone. Then we, meaning me and two other people, have to take on triple the work. “

He’d been gone these past two months on an international business trip to survey the factories that would be dealing with his products. As soon as his flight landed two weeks ago he locked himself in his office, the twentieth floor and top floor. The marketing department was on the third floor; no wonder he never sensed my presence before. Even though he has never sensed me directly, but maybe…that’s why he was more agitated at work. Why he was more sensitive, and why the pills and synthetic blood weren’t working because you were nearby but never near enough to feel that wild pulse.

You heavily sigh realizing you didn’t breathe during that whole venting. “Sorry to vent, you’re just wearing business type of wear, so I assumed you’d relate.”

Ah, so you didn’t know who he was.

He nods in understanding, a bitter smile lifting his lips, “I do, I do understand.” He crosses his legs to hide the fact that anger is boiling in his gut. Someone is working in his company, representing his name and is treating employees, you, like that. He thrums his nails against the arm of his chair as he pictured different ways to punish that manager. The thought of someone mistreating you made the hair on the  back of his neck rise. He let his black eyes dye burgundy not caring to conceal it any longer. Maybe next time he feeds it’ll be ruthlessly from that guy.

He ask, squeezing the arm of the chair digging his nails into the plastic, “Then why here of all places, couldn’t you take up another part time?” Why would you let someone feed off you…someone that wasn’t him?

You took in his nails and a hint of interest filtered through your veins. He easily could sink those nails into you, easily sink his fangs into you no problem. Your strength will never compare to his, even a flick of his wrist is surely impressive. Every time he smiles his knifelike canines’ peek through, but they didn’t seem as daunting as a needle because of the being it was attached to. Even the red in his eyes…made me feel safe in his presence. Maybe this time around you won’t faint.

You tilt your head while staring at your clasped hands, “I could have found a job somewhere, but if I took up another job on my already overworked and underpaid budget, would there be a different?” You unclasp your hands, ”I would be doing it all over at some other place. I wouldn’t have time to sleep, eat or let alone breathe if I did. This,” you casually point between the both of you, “lets me do the part time gig but I get all that work done at once and I get free orange juice.”

You slightly laugh, but no humor was behind it. You fiddle with your hangnail on your thumb. You press down on the piece hoping for it to mend by magic, but it just acutely hurt. No matter how comfortable he makes you feel, the pain reminds you that this is very real. You are sitting in front of a vampire, a stranger, and you were here to donate your blood to him in return for a few hundred dollars.

You are here to challenge yourself, “Also…I’m challenging myself.” You whisper out, “I hate needles. I usually pass out when I get my blood drawn. I’m healthy, but it’s just this weird psychological thing that I have to get over. I want to overcome it and getting paid in the meanwhile kills two birds with one stone. I think that the ‘needle’ being a person instead of sharp metal of piece will help me overcome the fear.”

He laughs, fangs on full display, “So I’m just a talking needle?”

You laugh along with him, although not with the same degree of delight, “I didn’t mean to offend, it just makes it easier to think that way.” You wipe your sweaty palms on your jeans again, but it doesn’t seem to clear the moisture.

The nurse knocks on the door and comes in, she bats her eyelashes at Yoongi, “Have you taken the donation yet Mr. Min?”

You feel your fingers beginning to tremble as you picture his fangs puncturing your neck or wrist. I feel the phantom stab and picture blood gushing out into his mouth. Your brutal and sick imaginations continue on in your childish imagination. The edges of your eyes dampen along with the onset feeling stomach cramps from the sudden nausea.

It’s just a pinch. It’ just a pinch, why were you making this a big deal?

He shakes his head, a bit perturbed that his time with you is being disturbed, “Give us more time.”

She looks at him with a simpering smile and looks at her watch, “I can give you twenty more minutes since you’re the last patients for the night.” Yoongi nods curtly and she steps back out of the room.

He turns and looks back to you. He hears it first, the furious heartbeat, then notices your closed off body language. In a split second when he wasn’t looking, you are back to where you had started. You are picking at your nail, but your eyes are glazed over, lost in your thoughts. He stands up then crouches down in front of you so he could get your full attention. He puts both hands on each side of your chair’s arm rest, forget boundaries he needs to be by your side. “Hey, hey, Y/n, it’s okay. We don’t have to do this if you don’t feel comfortable. Y/n? Y/n? Can you hear me?”

The delusions fade as his voice cuts through your thoughts when you hear your name. Your eyes shot up and look directly in his red eyes. You want to do this, no, that’s not true, you need to do this. You need the extra hundred dollars to make rent. You need to do this!

“I know.” You blink away the tears, clear your throat and lift a shaky hand to brush your loose hair away from your shoulder. With pseudoconfidence you expose the unmarred flesh of your neck to Yoongi and tilt your head to the side, “…but let’s do this.” Your hands were shaking as you lower them down waiting patiently for him to act.

“Y/n, we don’t…,” he whispers your name, but he couldn’t help stare at the pulse under your flesh. He could feel the bags under his eyes lifting. In hindsight he know this may be a wrong idea, but he didn’t want to push you away. You were being brave, and he wanted to respect that. He could smell the fear and anxiety tainting your sweet scent, spoiling the sangre wine. It’s been hard to control himself so far, but miraculously he repressed the monster within. He wants a taste of your sweetness. He needs to answer that pull he feels towards you.

He gets up and moves you to the couch, so you are more comfortable. You readjust yourself and offer your neck again without meeting his eyes.

It’s just a pinch, then it’ll be over soon.

He touches your neck as a test, running the back of his knuckles over the soft flesh. He wants to see if you are okay in small steps. He could feel the spike in your heart rate when he touched you. His instincts enjoy that reaction, his primal half wanted to pounce. He wouldn’t do that though, with you he’d treat you right. He declares as his voice drops a few octaves, “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

“I-I trust you.” You nod, and you scoot closer to him proving your point.

A small smirk took over his lips as you lean into him. His eyes soften as he watches you, “I promise to make it quick and painless. I won’t hurt you but tell me to stop if want this to stop.”

You clutch at his shoulders wrinkling his crisp, white shirt and nod, “Okay.”

He cautiously wraps his hand around the small of your back. He brushes away the lingering pieces of your hair from your neck. He watches the pulse under your skin and he could hear the beautiful melody along with it. He couldn’t ignore it any longer, or pass it off as hunger, he wants you and only you. No one else can do this, no one else could touch you like this, or taste you. That is his song.

He tangles his hand into my hair and the other tightens around your waist, his body shakes with your overwhelming warmth. He pulls you closer to feel it against his chest like he wants. Your pheromones are so enticing, it’s fine dining at his clutches. His mouth is watering and his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard.He ran his tongue over his centers and pricked his tongue on his sharp fangs and leans into your neck. His soft hair tickles your skin as he inches deeper into the crevice of your neck. He flicks his tongue over the shallow dent of your neck and shoulder. He shivers, eyes half-lidded and crimson red your skin taste more delicious than he imagined.

“Yoongi,” you faintly whisper. You could feel your hearing ring in your ears as your vision was blurring. You know what is coming, so you clutch onto him tighter repeating to yourself: It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay. You try fighting it off by focusing on your breathing instead of the ringing, but his breath against your neck was too much to ignore. The fangs, those pearly white fangs that are going to sink into my neck!

He responds with a noncommittal hum waiting for you to say something. He kissed his way up your neck feeling for the strongest pulse and when he found it he licked it, his saliva partially numbing the area temporarily. When you didn’t tell him to stop, he sunk his fangs in to a vein. The next second blood flowed into his mouth in a steady stream. The taste was euphoric answering his primal desires. “Fuck,” he moans to himself. He’s never tasted such a delicacy; no other blood had ever been sweeter or smoother on his tongue.

He hears your whine at the prick and he pulls you closer to him for support. He runs a hand up and down your spine to ease your tension. He sucks blood from the wound tasting the fine sangria wine. He wants to keep tasting, but he knows that would be dangerous for the both of you. He takes his fangs out cleanly, something that came with practice. He twirls his tongue around the wound to clean up the puncture, the enticing red lines running down your neck weren’t going to be wasted. “My mate,” he growls out as he gingerly licks the wound close. He was so lost in his high the words slip past his lips.

When he comes down from his high he quietly asks, “Are you okay?” Affection firmly is anchored in his chest as he cups his palm over the mark. He had not realized that you are clutching at his shirt tightly, but when he fully pulls back your body keeps moving with the momentum. Your eyes roll back and you slump against the couch passed out. “Y/N! Fuck! Y/n!” He was so lost in the euphoric taste he didn’t feel the jump in your pulse or the slumping of your body against his. You are too addicting, too sweet, too delicious. You are the dangerous one.

He wants this to work, he wants you and only you. If it meant he had to help you overcome this fear, he was willing to do it…because you’re his mate. His own words finally hit him as he stares at your paling face, you are his mate.

He turns to the door and screams, “Nurse!”

Copyright 2018 © by magicalsalamander. All rights reserved. 

[purplesurveys]

424

A health survey. Must be fun.

What health problems do you have right now? Well my back is a bitch 24/7; my joints hurt when it gets cold; I have scoliosis; and mentally speaking I’m not very stable either. I sound 60. Are you in chronic pain? Never been diagnosed with such, no. What do you take medications for? I don’t. I probably need to, but the state of mental health care in the Philippines is just so inaccessible: it’s expensive, available services are few and far between, and anyone younger than 21 needs to get written consent from their parents, which can be difficult if someone’s parents don’t actually believe in mental health issues. There is a lot of work to be done. What are some health issues you have had in the past? My lactose intolerance was a problem when I was an infant. My family didn’t know I had it, so they kept panicking when I would just poop out all the milk they fed me all day and when my stomach would end up storing nothing. It got critical and I had to be sent to the hospital, but it turned out well after. Do you have allergies? Nope. Free to eat and be in contact with anything.

If so, what are you allergic to? Have you ever been to an allergist? No, never had to. Have you ever been to the ER? Mmm nope, never been in an emergency situation. Have you ever been treated poorly in the ER? Have you ever been told your symptoms were anxiety, when they weren't? I haven’t been tested for that. When I was doing my health exam for university though, they did review my mental health and suspected me of having depression, but they didn’t declare symptoms or formally diagnose me or anything. What is the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? Probably scraping and kicking my feet against coral reefs when I went snorkeling back in ‘09. I had no flippers and I was panicking (I wasn’t used to using the snorkeling mask to breathe) so I was thrashing my legs around in the water. I knew I was hitting the coral reefs and they were fucking sharp, but I was panicking so I powered through even though it meant I had to hit them every time I kicked. It was painful while I was swimming and even more painful in the weeks that followed. It was the worst infected wound I’ve ever had. Just imagine kicking a razor-sharp boulder with your bare feet. How many surgeries have you had? Zero. I hope I never need any, the thought of surgery terrifies me. What types of surgery have you had? Have you always recovered well from surgery? Have you ever been treated poorly by a doctor? YES!!! The ones in my university’s health service are horrible. Case in point, my health exam for admission to UP: I know it’s part of a doctor’s job, but the doctor assigned to me back then touched my breasts very hastily to check for suspicious bumps. It would have helped tons if 1) she gave me a heads-up beforehand and 2) asked permission, but this lady just told me to lie down and went ahead to stick her hand under my shirt. As someone who had only been fresh out of Catholic school at that point, it was the perfect opportunity to panic. Same doctor was the one who suspected I was depressed after reviewing my mental health form, but instead of being helpful she DEMANDED reasons why I felt that way. I was already uncomfortable with the boob incident by then and was too stunned to speak, so I just kept saying I was fine and that I was mentally stable. In reality I just wanted to get out from that nasty old bitch. Have you ever had a doctor tried to kill you? Oh well that’s just taking it a million times further. No. Is your primary care doctor a man or a woman? I don’t have one. Have you had the same primary care doctor your whole life? We don’t have a family doctor. Are you happy with your current doctor? Have you ever seen a specialist for anything? X-ray technicians. I had trips to see them the most when we found out I had scoliosis.   What is the most itchiest thing you have ever experienced? I had weird rashes on my legs one time in high school, and since I was stubborn I kept scratching them until they turned into nasty black and blue wounds/bruises and cuts. I still have no idea where they came from. Have you ever had a severe itch, that you'd rate a 10? ^ That. On a scale of 1-10, what's the worst physical pain you've ever been in? The coral reef incident is an easy 20. Have you ever passed out from pain? Noooooo. Passing out from pain is one of my greatest fears. I avoid encountering anything painful as much as I can just because I’m scared of the thought of passing out because of pain. Have you ever thrown up from pain? Nope. Just from drinking and expired barbecue lmfao. Do you have any food intolerances? If so, to what? It’s not official, but I hate fruits. Like, I can immediately tell if something has fruit in it and I will spit it out accordingly. That and raisins. Do you have any food sensitivities? If so, to what? Nope. What medications are you allergic to? Do you have acne? A small pimple shows up every now and then (mostly when I’m stressed or if my face gets oily) but it’s never been a full-on breakout. I’ve been lucky when it comes to acne. Do you take birth control pills? I don’t. I want to take them just because I heard it makes your breasts get bigger hahahahahaha but Gab is adamant about not letting me take them. Are your hormones screwed up? Mm no, they’re not that bad. Obviously they act up when I’m nearing or on my period e.g. cravings, crying all the time, being sensitive about everything, but not to the point that my period is irregular or gives me severe dysmenorrhea. Do you have bad withdrawals from medications? I don’t take meds to begin with. What are some withdrawal symptoms you've had? What are some bad side effects of medications that you've had? Have you ever gained weight from a medication? If so, how much? Have you ever had to take Prednisone? Never even heard of it. If so, did it make you gain weight and make your face puff up? Looks like I’m skipping lots of questions. How many hours a sleep do you need? Don’t adults need 8 hours, in general? How many hours a sleep do you get? I try to make it to 8, but I’ve been really busy for this semester that it ends up being 5-7 hours instead. Do you exercise enough? I don’t at all, haaaaaaaaaaah. Do you eat healthy? I do like vegetables and will happily eat salads and sandwiches with veggies packed in them, but I tend to balance it out with grossly unhealthy food anyway, so you decide if this still counts as healthy. Are you on a special diet for your health? No, I don’t think I need to be. Are you trying to lose weight or gain weight? Gain, which I’m on the way to doing. I’m a little chubbier now compared to high school. Are you a healthy weight? I’m 90 lbs. the last time I checked. Relative to my height, that’s underweight. Are you happy with your weight? Sure, but gaining a few pounds wouldn’t hurt either. How often do you wash your hair? Everyday if I’m in school; every other day if I’m on summer break. Do you take showers or baths? Showers. How often do you shower or bathe? ^ Same thing. Do you take vitamins? If so, which ones? I used to take two vitamin syrups everyday when I was younger: one for vitamin C and the other to help me grow taller. When I got a little older my mom changed our usual syrups to these cute vitamin C gummy bears, then after a while I just stopped taking. What bones have you broken? Haven’t broken any, fortunately.  What's the worst physical injury you've had? Aside from my icky foot infection, I had a bad fall in school a few months ago and my ankle got sprained pretty bad. I don’t think I gave it A+ treatment so it never really fully healed. I know this because the same foot still hurts whenever it’s in an odd position or when I shift too much of my weight on it. Do you have sensitive skin? Yes. It eventually gets itchy when my skin is out in the open. In high school, I often had a hard time walking from point A to B because my skin would always get irritated, but I couldn’t scratch it because I was wearing a skirt. What chemicals make you sick? Toxic ones, I would assume? Haha. What time of year do you usually get sick? I never get sick. What's the highest fever you've ever had? 40ºC. It was a dengue scare. Have you ever had the flu? Sure, a few times here and there. Have you ever had bronchitis? Nope. Have you ever had an ear infection? I don’t remember having one. Do you snore? Only when I’m so tired that I’m 130% passed out. What pain reliever do you use for cramps? My menstrual cramps never get that bad. If you're female, what symptoms do you get when on your period? My pelvis area and legs hurt; I cry over everything; I’m sensitive when people are angry; I will essentially take everything personally; my cravings either change every 5 minutes or I just want one food and I will murder to get such craving; I get very poopy; and sometimes I’ll get very drowsy. Do you have regular periods? Pretty much, yes. Sometimes they’ll be a few days early or late but very rarely does it go completely irregular. Are you afraid of shots? Deathly afraid. Like I would do everything to avoid having to take them.  Have you ever donated blood? No. Even if I wanted to, I’m not allowed to (underweight). Plus you have to be pricked for that, which is a Huge No-No for me. Do you do well with shots? If I absolutely have to have a shot, I can manage albeit with a lot of fidgeting. What I’m terrible with is IV. I had a huge meltdown the one and only time I needed to have a needle injected onto my wrist. I was a 12 year old grown ass person thrashing around in the hospital room lol. What x-rays have you had? Just my spine. Have you ever gotten a pill or a piece of food stuck in your throat? Pill-stuck-in-throat sensation happens sometimes, but it’s never been anything serious. What method of birth control do you use, if applicable? Do you take birth control to control hormones, or to prevent pregnancy? As mentioned, I don’t take it. How often does your hair need to be washed? I don’t know about need, but I wash it everyday or every other day so that it doesn’t get oily, which feels irritating. What do you keep on hand for emergencies? I don’t really keep stuff for emergency, just money hahaha. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction? Nopes. If so, what were your symptoms? Have you ever used an epi pen? I have not. Have you ever been to the ER for a severe allergic reaction? Negative. What's the worst burn you've ever had? When I was 7, I wanted to do something daring so I touched a clothes iron that was plugged in and was in use (by my grandma, but she left to attend to something at the time). My index finger rightfully had a tiny blister for the next two weeks. My dumbass definitely deserved it. What's the worst allergic reaction you've ever had? No allergies. Have you had any health-related embarrassing moments? I don’t think anything bad enough has happened yet. If so, what happened? (if you want to share) Do you use tampons or pads? Pads. I’m scared of tampons. Do you sweat a lot? I don’t, actually. I drink a lot of water, but I guess I just don’t sweat much. Do you get nosebleeds? I’ve never experienced a nosebleed and am also too scared to get one. Do you get motion sickness? Pretty easily, especially if I’m riding an unfamiliar car. Do you have acne? I get a pimple every now and then but it’s not a big issue. Do you have scars? Sure. There’s one on my fourth right toe and the other one on my left eyebrow. What are some of your scars from? Toe scar is from when my toes got stuck in my bike’s blades (something like that, anyway); eyebrow scar is from a stupid cousin smashing a small glass bottle towards my face. Do you have a birthmark? If so, what color is it? I have a brown one behind my left shoulder. I also have one near my elbow; it used to be blue/green but now it’s a faint black-ish shade. What makes your eyes itch? Uh, dirt? I also know if I’ve been spending too much time in front of the computer when my eyes start feeling irritated. That’s usually my signal to go to bed or to have a break. Are you ticklish? Very. I can’t be tickled on any part of my body. Do you have a sweet tooth? I have my moods, but overly sweet food isn’t really a favorite of mine. Do you ever crave chocolate? Never, actually. I can crave sweet stuff like brownies and cookies, but never chocolate bars. Do you ever crave cheese? No. Lactose intolerance makes me wary of cheese so I never really ~crave it. What else, if anything, do you get cravings for? I usually crave for cuisines in general or specific restaurants.  Do you drink enough water? Yeah I’m pretty sure I do. Do you comfort eat when stressed? It varies. Sometimes I’ll rely on eating, but other times I’ll lose my appetite and wouldn’t want to be anywhere near food. How old were you when you started your period? I was 9 but was about to turn 10. How old were you when you started going through puberty? I am guessing the same age when I had my period, but everything sped up only when I was 10/11. What was the first sign of puberty for you? ...My period? Did your hair change when you went through puberty? Hair started to grow in places, but as for changes, not really. At what time of day do you normally feel your best? I don’t really keep track lol. Are you naturally optimistic or pessimistic? Um both, depending on my mood for the day. It never stays constant. Are you naturally energetic? I’m naturally un-energetic. Looking at extroverts exhausts me. Does your mind wander a lot? Only when I’m bored at something, like in a certain class. I can generally focus well. Do you know your blood type? I don’t actually hah. Have you ever been taken to the hospital against your will? Nope. Any final thoughts? Cool survey. It’s different.

[angelaiswriting]

Sick Days | Vladimir Ranskahov x reader, NSFW

[not even god can stop me and my banners]

✎ Pairing: Vladimir Ranskahov x fem!reader

✎ Requested by Anonymous: So.. would you be willing to write a VladimirxReader fic where the reader gets sick and he doesn’t really know what to do, not being the relationship-type, but she tells him what she needs and they end up having tender sex (because on the contrary to most sick!fics around, some people actually crave the physically closeness when they’re ill)?

✎ A/N: I’m a sucker for smut, you don’t even know how much. I’m also super allergic, so I really wish this were my reality when hell breaks loose haha I really hope you enjoy, sorry for the long wait! I’m also one of those people that crave the physical closeness, so you accidentally asked the right person haha

✎ Warnings: it’s 85% smut (oral f/r, squirting, vaginal sex), 18+ ONLY. If you’re also allergic to stuff and like Vladimir Ranskahov, this is probably the fic for you.

Word-count: 2,807

Vladimir is good at many things: there’s the mob, the accountability for his and his brother’s business, the killing, the torturing. On the more ‘normal’ side of things, there’s sex and an incredible taste for anything filmography-wise. He’s also a god at poker. But then, when it comes to taking care of someone else, everything crumbles to the ground: he panics, doesn’t know what to do, and eventually ends up staying at work long after closing time.

He’s trying to be a better person, though. So, when Y/N texts him that she’s not feeling great, he tells Tolya he’s going home to take care of his woman. The mere idea makes his bones shiver: he’s so not good at this. Give him a man to kill, to kidnap or to torture, and he’s all in for the fun. But give him someone he loves and top that with that person feeling sick, and he’s suddenly retreating.

But this time he reminds himself he’s trying to be better. So, on the ride home, he buys her flowers and a box of chocolate, one of those where the chocolate is filled with liquor because he knows they always cheer her (and him) up.

He parks the car in the garage and, for a second, he wonders how the hell he’s going to help her. Vladimir doesn’t even know if she’s going to need pills and what kind of pills because his go-to remedy for literally anything is a shot of vodka and a packet of cigarettes. But Y/N is not him and it scares the crap out of him.

When he walks up the flight of stairs that lead to the living room, he pep-talks himself. It’s all going to be fine. She’s going to tell him what she needs and he’s going to obey her orders. There’s nothing to be scared of and nothing to be anxious about. It’s just some flu, he thinks, or that time of the month.

The living room is silent and tidy. From what he can see from the top of the stairs that lead back down to the garage, the kitchen is empty, too. He’s making his way towards the bedrooms when he hears a cough and as he turns around, he sees Y/N blow her nose.

“Hey, doll.” He stands there awkwardly, the box of chocolate in one hand and the bouquet of flowers in the other and he suddenly regrets buying the latter. The urge to throw the bouquet against the wall and then stomp on it is strong, but he swallows it.

She groans, curling up better into the blanket, and he sees her frustration painted all over her face. Her eyes are teary, her nose is an angry red and her reddened lips are chapped.

It’s definitely not her period, he notes.

“What’s going on?” he asks as he places both the box of chocolate and the bouquet of flowers on the glass table of the living room.

He takes his shoes and jacket off as he reaches the couch and once he’s close enough, he sees the parquet littered with used tissues.

“Fucking allergy,” she mutters, grunting again as she sneezes four times in a row.

It takes him a while to understand those two words because her nose is closed and her voice is so angry that it can’t help but groan. He knows she hates it when that happens–also because it happens more often than they both like.

She goes on snorting, saying something about her antihistamines and how they do not work how they’re supposed to. Or it’s just her fucked-up allergy in her fucked-up life. No one will ever know. She just knows that now the nightmare is striking and she’d rather cut her hands off than live through it.

Vladimir chuckles lowly as he moves her to sit down behind her, her back against his chest. She feels hot against him even with the blanket between them and it’s not because he finds her hot.

“Have you got fever?” he inquires as he draws her closer, his legs caging her between them.

“No.” Her answer is a grunt and before he has the time to react to that word, she sneezes again and he passes her the box of tissues that sits on the coffee table.

“Do you need some pill?” The only thing he’s allergic to is cat fur, so it’s easy to stay away from that and he’s never battling with his allergy. But hers is a little more complicated and he never knows what to do. Somehow, it’s even worse than flu–because he at least has the little knowledge needed to deal with it.

Y/N shakes her head ‘no’ as she blows her nose before throwing the tissue to the ground.

They lie there in silence for a while and the only sounds in the room are the clock ticking and Y/N’s labored breathing. She has her forehead pressed against the side of his neck and her skin is boiling; her dry lips are parted and the top one brushes against his skin with every breath he takes.

It takes her a while, but she gets up into a sitting position before he can stop her and she throws the blanket away.

“I’m boiling,” she mumbles as she lies back down against him.

Vladimir hums and engulfs her in his embrace, her head tucked under his chin.

“You need anything?” he wonders after a while when she squirms in frustration.

She takes her time to answer, most of all because another set of sneezes catches her off-guard. She groans as she blows her nose for the millionth time today, but then she looks up at him and kisses his chin. “Eat me out,” she answers.

At first, he thinks she’s joking and so he chuckles, but when he notices she’s serious, he almost gasps. If he thinks about it, this is the first time she ever told him to eat her out and to say that it doesn’t arouse him would be a fat lie. “But you’re sick?”

“It’s just allergy,” she manages to answer before sneezing again. “Please, I really need you.” She nibbles at his earlobe and he knows she’s just wrapped him around her finger tighter than before.

Vladimir groans as something stirs in the pit of his stomach. His hands twitch before he grabs her head and kisses her deeply, her chapped lips scratching his. It takes him a while to remember she has to breathe, that she can’t do it from her nose.

But it’s as though she doesn’t exactly care: she inhales deeply and goes on to kiss his jaw and his neck as she tears his shirt open. He tuts at her as buttons go flying in every direction and he’s quick to remove the shirt of her pajamas, just as he’s quick to flip their positions over. He’s hovering over her now, between her legs, and he’s littering her chest in kisses. She moans when his tongue flicks over one of her nipples and his fingers tease the other, his stubble deliciously scratching the skin of her burning chest. When he switches to suck her bud in his mouth, she arches against him and she fights to breathe.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” He’s worried and she doesn’t miss the concern in his voice.

She nods furiously. “Please, I just… I’m okay, I just crave you.”

Vladimir needs no more encouragement: he switches to her other nipple, his tongue and teeth and mouth play with it until it gets impossibly hard and she squirms, tugging on his hair until he pulls up. And he smirks, grinding his hips against hers to let her feel how hard she always manages to get him.

“Fuck,” she manages to groan before she sneezes again.

Vladimir chuckles as he gets up on his knees. He towers above her as he takes off the jacket of his suit and his shirt and it’s as though her eyes are drinking him in. She stares up at him, her gaze wandering from his leather belt to his face, her lips are parted. He knows it’s because it’s her only way to keep breathing, but he can’t help but get hotter by the second under her scrutiny.

He bends over and his hands run up and down her sides, his thumbs teasing the soft skin of her breasts. His lips kiss from the dip of her collarbone all the way down to her bellybutton and all he can hear are her gasps as his ministrations tickle her.

It takes him a while before his fingers slip underneath the bands of her pants and panties and he takes his time leaving a hickey on her hip bone. Then she blows her nose, making him chuckle, and she whines when he doesn’t budge.

“C’mon,” she groans, wiggling under him.

“Patience.” He stares up at her, his gaze flying over the skin of her abdomen and the valley of her breasts and she stills. She still grunts though, but then the sound turns into a gasp when he suddenly rips her pants and underwear down her legs, taking her socks with them.

This time he’s the one drinking her in. His eyes roam up her legs as his hands run up her shins just to push her legs wider when they reach her knees. He bows down, his hands coming up her thighs to rest on her hips as he presses a kiss against her wet folds.

She gasps again, her neck arching both in surprise and the need to breathe. It’s a real fight: she has to remind her brain to remind her lungs to keep working even though her nose gave up on its job last night. And she knows that’s probably not her best idea, but she’s sick and she’s in pain and her allergies are driving her wild and all she wants is for her man to make love to her.

A moaned ‘Vladimir’ leaves her lips and he smiles against her. His tongue traces a wet stripe from her perineum up to her clit, pressing gently between her slick-covered labia. This time he groans when she moans and the additional vibrations have a shiver to run up her spine.

Her hips start to jerk up when she notices he’s taking his time and so he slips his arms under her thighs and drags her closer, so close there’s no room for movement and she’s pressed up against him, his face, his shoulders.

It’s a sweet but unbearable torture. He eats her out slowly and makes sure to be loud in his ministrations. He switches between kissing her to licking her to sucking hard on her clit, and he knows the effect his stubble has on her. He has to call her name a few times during the whole session because he knows she tends to get so caught up in the act that she forgets to breathe. Still, she can’t focus on anything when he pushes two fingers into her without warning and her brain goes blank when she clamps down hard on them. He groans out at the pressure and when he curls his fingers up to brush against her g-spot, he has to fight against her vagina squeezing them.

Even the pace of his fingers his slow and he makes sure she feels every second of it as the pressure he applies slowly intensifies, his mouth becoming more insistent on her clit.

Her stomach churns and twists as her lungs fight to work. She has one hand on her breast, squeezing it and tugging on her nipple while the other reaches down to rest on his head and it pushes him harder against her as her fingers fight to pull him back.

Vladimir doesn’t move. Even when he comes up a little to breathe, his tongue still flickers over her clit as his fingers slowly pick up their rhythm.

She calls his name, but it’s an aborted moan and it’s hard to hear a ‘Vladimir’ in that sound. He still gets the hint, though: she’s squeezing his fingers harder and his movements get more demanding. But when he takes her clit in his mouth again, there’s no more room for breathing. She comes, and she comes hard, and she squirts over his mouth and chin and hand. And it’s as though her walls are trying to suck his fingers in when he takes them out. He slowly licks her clean, his thumb gently circling her clit to let her ride out her orgasm. And when she finally comes down from her high, she takes in a deep and noisy breath.

Her body is still trembling when he finishes to undress and crawls up her body. He litters it in kisses once again and relishes in the way her chest quickly rises and falls, her hard nipples brushing against his chest with every breath she takes.

He doesn’t wait for her to recover. He pumps his cock a few times and he’s so hard it hurts. His lips trail down her neck to her breast as he aligns himself with her entrance. When he enters her slowly, she arches her neck and fights to keep breathing. He takes the occasion to kiss the column of her throat and as he does so, he pulls almost all the way out, just to then push in again. His movements are slow once again: he loves the feeling of her hot, wet pussy squeezing him to accommodate to his size, just as she loves the slow stretch his dick imposes to her muscles, moving back and forth and brushing against her most sensitive spots.

It’s like a slow race to orgasm and his hips roll against her. He slowly pushes all the way in until he bottoms out and his movements still for a second before he slowly pulls out until only the tip is sheathed.

He tilts her head back to make it easier for her to breathe and bends down to suck on the side of her neck, his chest pressing down against hers. A long, low moan leaves his lips as her walls clamp down on him harder when he hits a particular spot deep inside her and he has to still for a moment, his eyes closing of their own accord and his forehead resting against her shoulder.

At the same moment, her nails rake down his back until she is gripping his ass and pushing up to create more friction.

When he resumes his movements, he lifts his head to stare down at her and he smirks when he sees she’s already lost in her own world, her breath hissing out between her lips as she does her best to meet his thrusts. She’s a moaning mess under him and he can’t help himself but peck her lips in a quick kiss before he has to move away. He groans out when she sneezes: her cunt squeezes him tighter and he almost loses it, he almost comes. And even though he manages to hold back, he knows he’s almost there.

He pulls back until he’s on his knees. He sets her legs over his shoulders until her heels rest on his back and picks up his pace, thrusting into her with more force. It takes her a couple of seconds of his thumb working on her clit for her to come again and this time, when the pressure around his dick intensifies, Vladimir doesn’t hold back. He thrusts into her one last time, his hips smacking almost painfully against hers, and then he’s lost. He barely registers his arms moving her legs from his shoulders because he’s already falling forward, his eyes screwed shut, his hips still thrusting into her as his orgasm makes his body shiver and tense.

It takes them both more than usual to come back down to earth and when they both open their eyes, Vladimir is resting on Y/N’s chest and her hands are absentmindedly waving through his spiky hair.

She sneezes one last time and the action caused her to clamp down on him again. He hisses, half in pain and half in pleasure, and he slips his softening cock out of her, both their fluids trickling out with the movement.

“God, thank you,” she mutters, stretching out to grab a clean tissue to blow her nose.

Vladimir chuckles but doesn’t move. Somehow, he doesn’t have enough strength to get up from that position and so he lies there, staring at her nipple, his hand caressing the underside of the boob.

Had he known she craved him that much when she was sick–he thinks–he would have skipped work days a lot sooner.

Your girl needs to calm her hormones. Let me know how you liked this, feedback is always super appreciated :)

TAGS (to be added/removed shoot me an ask) (if you want to be tagged as ‘Bratva’ or don’t want to anymore, tell me via the ask box)

Everything: @idhrenniel @saibh29 @fuckthatfeeling @aya-fay @pebblesz892 @toomanyfandoms96 @mblaqgi

Bratva (buddies that might be interested in the specific story): @sweetvengeancee @theranskahovs ( @brobachev ?)

[inactiveagentpolarbear]

35 + Mama May/ Jemma? As honestly it would be cute & work either way round.

May and Jemma + 35. “Take your medicine.”

“Mayplease. Just take your medicine.”

MelindaMay scoffed at Jemma’s request. “I don’t need medicine.”

“Yes youdo. You’re barely standing as it is.”

“Coulsonneeds me.” May pulled herself from her bed and planted her feet weakly onto thecold wooden floor.

“Heneeds you well,” replied Jemma exasperated by the older woman’s stubbornness.“You have a high fever and it need to be brought down before you can goanywhere.”

Maygroaned as she tried to take a step away from the bed. Then with another clearlypainful step she crumpled. Thankfully, Jemma was there to catch her. “Fine,”May sighed. “I’ll get back into bed. But only for one more day.”

Jemmabeamed. “Thank you. I promise I will do everything in my power to get you backout in the field as soon as possible.” She tried to sound a chipper as possibleand then realized that, that might not have been the best idea.

May gaveJemma a glace out of the side of her eye and then allowed herself to lie downagainst the pillow once more. “I hate this ridiculousness.”

Jemmafrowned. She wished she could do more. But only time and medicine would help.She handed May the two white pills and cup of water. Reluctantly, May swallowedthen down with a gulp of the cool water.

“I’ll beback in a while. Try to sleep and let your body heal.” Jemma then turned on herheel and walked out into the hallway where she bumped into Fitz.

“How’sMay?” He asked kissing Jemma’s forehead.

“Horrible,”she sighed quietly. “She will hardly give herself a chance to rest. The womancan hardly stand and yet she’s desperately trying to go help Coulson. On top ofthat I tried for ten minutes to simply convince her to take the medicine.Thankfully, she finally did.”Fitz smirked down at her. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

“Who?”Asked Jemma feeling confused.

Fitzlaughed loudly and took Jemma’s hand. He was taking her towards the kitchen soher could make her some coffee. She was clearly in need of a good cup of caffeine.“You, Jemma.”

“Me?”She replied indignity. “No way! No one is that bad.”

“Youmost certainly are. Last month when you had the flu you tried to come to thebase when I wasn’t looking. You were still wearing the large shirt you wore tobed. Thankfully you had put on a pair of your jeans as well.”

Jemma’sbrows furrowed as they walked into the kitchen. “I guess I did…”

“Youfind May so intolerable because she’s acting like you.”

There along pause as Jemma starred down at the floor with her brows low and deep inthought. “I really don’t like that you’ve revealed this to me…”

“Haha!I’m sorry, but it needed doing.”

[walkingdeadfan25]

Medicine

Fandon: The Walking Dead

Character: Carl Grimes

"Widows, especially ones that look like that.....whew they are....special. I love 'em. Right after their husbands go they are just empty inside. But usually not for long.", Negan says as he chuckles.

"Ahh. Now where is she? I would love to see her."

"Do you care to pay your respects?", a voice says from behind him. Negan turns around in surprise. "Holy crap! You are creepy as shit, sneaking up on me, wearin' that collar with that freaky ass smile." Father Gabriel continues to smile as he apologizes and introduces himself. Negan looks to Rick with a look of slight disappointment. He asks if she didn't make it, believing Gabriel's on-the-spot thinking. Rick, still giving Negan the 'side-eye', gives him a remorseful look as they head to Maggie's 'grave'.

"It's a damn tragedy. That's what this is.", Negan replies not really giving a shit aboit how one might feel considering the circumstances. He goes on about how it sucked he had to kill her husband and then saying how he wanted to take her back with him. "I know what you're thinking. How can I have a shot, the guy that just bashed her husband's head in? Haha you'd be surprised. Boy, people, they-", all the sudden he's cut off by a gun going off. They all turn then with Negan giving Rick a look that screams 'you better hope you're people haven't fucked up again'.

They quickly run to where the sound came from. As they enter the house they find Carl holding a gun at some of Negan's men. "Carl, Carl, put it down."

In a deadly calm voice he replies, "No. He's taking all of our medicine. They said only half our stuff."

"Of course. Oh ho. Really kid?" Carl looks at him with a voice that says 'I'm done with your shit' replies, "And you should go. Before you find out how dangerous we all are."

Negan looks at him with amusement in his eyes, "Well, pardon me, young man. Excuse the shit out of my goddamn French, but..... did you just threaten me? Look, I get threatening Davey here, but I can't have it. Not him, not me." Rick interupts pleading his son to put down the gun, fearing for everyone's lives but Negan isn't having it.

"Don't be rude, Rick. We are having a conversation here. Now boy, where were we?", Carl continues to stare down Negan not blinking an eye. Before Negan can continue they hear creaking coming from behind them as a soft and scratchy voice calls out. "Carl", coughing interupts the person before they finish, "Everything ok? I heard a gun shot."

Everyone in the room looks behind Carl as a female around the age of eighteen stumbles around the corner holding the wall for support. She was short and due to being sick was frail looking. Her hair, a dark chestnut brown and curly falling down her waist, hung slightky knotted around her swinging with her movements. Her normally vibrant blue eyes werr dull grey and blood shot and her pale skin had a sickly hue. To anyone she looked like one of the dead almost.

*Aurora POV*

Aurora is jolted awake by the sound of a gun going off down stairs. She has been sick with sone flu virus for a couple days now. Carl has been taking care of his fiancée to ensure she gets better. She struggles to stand almost falling over. Her body too weak to hold her up and her high fever is making her dizzy, not helping by way of moving arpund without Carl. She makes her way slowly down the stairs, hearing voices. She calls out to Carl as she rounds the corner.

*End of POV*

Carl rushes to Aurora's side gently holding her frail body in order to keep her standing. He gently lays the back of his hand against her forehead, ignoring the men staring at him in slight confusion. "Aurora! You're still burning up! You need to get back to bed." As he goes to pick up Negan says, "Oh no we're not done here let's finish this."

Carl reluctantly moves closer, Aurora clinging onto his arm in fear of Negan. Carl gently presses a kiss to her forehead meant to reassure her. She settles closer to his side. "Now we were just talking about your giant man sized balls. No threatening us. Listen, I like you, so I don't want to go hard proving a point here, not in front of your sister."

"She's not my sister. She's my fiancée." Negan lets out an indignant laugh. "That she is.", he says as he spots the nice but simple ring on the female's ring finger. It was Lori's but Rick gave it to Carl to give to whomever he decided to marry if he married. "Anyway, you don't want that, I don't want that. So tell me, why were you threatening my men?"

"Look, I just want my fiancée to get better. In order to do that I need medicine. The medicine in which your men are taking All of, not half. So leave some so I can take care of her."

"I said half your shit, and half is what I say it is. I'm serious. Do you want me to prove how serious? Again? Maybe to your sick little fiancée who hell, I'd probably be doing a service? I mean she looks like the damn dead out there. How do you get it up looking at that? Hell how do you even have sex with it? Do you put a bag over its head?"

"She's sick you asshole, she's not suppose to look like a damn model and she’s my fiancee, show her some respect!”

Negan has the decency to look slightly bashful. “Sorry kid. I should have more respect for your girl.” He goes over to Davey an riffles through the contents around them. He grabs two bottles and a foil packet that has some pills in it. “Here’s some antibiotics, fever reducers/ pain relief and to ensure there’s not a slight chance of any little ones running around that look like her, some birth control. Now don’t say I’m not a nice guy and haven’t done anything for you. I should kill your girl but I don’t want to soil my pretty girl Lucille with her diseased blood. So off you go, take your  ugly ass diseased woman with you back to the ditch she crawled from.” Carl moves to punch Negan but Aurora pulls him back.

“Thank you Negan for your generosity. Perhaps as a thank you once I am not ill, I can make you a nice scarf to keep you warm during the cold weather that’s coming?”

“Sure darlin’. I’ll hold you to it.” With a wave of his hand, he dismisses Carl. Carl turns to Aurora and pus a hand under her knees and then behind her back, moving as slowly as he can to keep her from becoming dizzy. She wraps her hands around his neck, snuggling into his warmth in order to fight off the chills from the fever. “You’re fever is higher than when I last checked. We need to lower it.”

“No, please not the tub. It makes me feel worse.”, she begs. “I know Aura, I don’t want to but I need to make sure you get better. You’re fever is too high and needs to be lower.” As he reaches their room, he gently sets her on the bed.

“I’ll tell you what, I will make sure the water is lukewarm but please don’t fight me.”, he asks as he enters the ensuite bathroom and begins to run her bath. As the tub fills, he pours in her favorite scent of vanilla and mint. “W-Will you join me?”, she asks in a small voice as tears gently fall down her cheeks. He kneels in front of her as he wipes away her tears. “Of course.”, he replies with a smile. He begins undressing and despite being sick, she enjoys the show. Once he’s in his boxers he turns to her. 

He gently removes the socks from her chilled feet, moving to the waist band of her black cotton shorts. He moves her arms carefully through his favorite navy blue long sleeved shirt. He eases it over her head and takes a moment to look down her torso, noticing a few of her ribs have began to poke through and a new bruise has formed on her right side. “How did you get this?” “I did it in my sleep. I’ll be fine when I get better.”

He leans down and places a soft kiss to it. He then presses a light kiss to each rib, breathing a ‘sorry’ into the skin. Aurora laces a hand through his hair. “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s just cause I am not able to keep food down.” Carl lays his head against her bare thighs, her hand running through the soft strands. He presses a quick kiss to her thigh and stands up, moving her to the bathroom. He sets her on the edge of the big tub and turns the water off. Then he sets her in the bath.

She waits for the slight pain from the cold water against her heated skin. However, she is pleasantly surprised by the little over room temperature water. She sighs in content, “Thank you.” Before he gets in, Carl grabs one of the fever reducers and Aurora’s glass of water from the bed-side table. “Here, go ahead and take this so hopefully by the time we get out it will kick in.” He sets the glass on the bathroom sink’s counter after she swallows the pill. He slides into the water, his body thankful for the slightly cool water. He puts his legs on the outside of hers. He moves her hair over one of her shoulders and presses a few kisses against the burning skin on her left shoulder. He notices the ends of her long dark waves are floating in the water.

“May I see your hair tie. I’m going to put up your hair, the ends are wet and can make you more sick.” She holds up her left wrist and he removes the elastic band and puts it around his wrist. He gathers her long silky tresses into a bun atop her head and secures it with the hair tie. “Later if you’re feeling better, I’ll braid your hair.”, he says as he gently pulls her back to his chest. He moves so his back is against the tub. Aurora gently turns so she is on her side and snuggles into Carl. They sit in the water, the sweet and sharp smell of vanilla and mint filling their nostrils. After a while the water gets to be too cold for them both. Carl gets out and grabs a towel. He quickly dries off and removes his soaking boxers. He wraps the towel around his waist as he goes to their vanity drawers, grabbing Aurora some clean, dry underwear, her favorite pair of leggings and one of his shirts. 

“Carl can I wear the flannel you had on?”

“You sure? It might be sweaty, I have been wearing it all day.”

“True but it smells like you and your scent comforts me. Plus, I know you’ve got to go back out there, so I want something that smells like you. Your pillows lost your scent.”

Carl looks at her apologetically as he retrieves his discarded flannel. He sets it with the other clothes. He grabs her a towel and helps her dry off. He kneels, sliding his fingers in the elastic of her underwear and guides them down her legs. He sets them next to his wet boxers. Carl grabs the dry underwear and leggings, guiding them up her legs to rest snugly against her hips. He stands and reaches around her back and unclips her bra, sliding it down her arms, he tosses it into the wet pile. He guides her arms through his favorite flannel and buttons it up. He notices how the blue of the fabric make her eyes shine impossibly blue. 

He picks her up, lays her in the bed and moves to gather himself some clothes. Once he is dressed, he tucks her into their bed. “I’m feeling a lot better Carl. Thank you for everything. Do you think when you get back later I can maybe try to eat some soup?” “Of course. I love you and I’ll be back shortly.” “I love you too, my dear.”, with a kiss on her forehead, he leaves. Aurora snuggles into the blankets, burying her nose into Carl’s flannel, breathing in his scent as she slowly falls asleep.

[dean-imagine-reblogs]

What’s an Omega?

Character: Dean x Reader  Author: Dean-imagine-reblogs Word Count: 7000-ish (it’s very long but it’s complete!)  Meanings: Y/N=First Name L/N=Last Name H/C=Hair Colour B/S = Body Shape Y/H = Your Height O/H/C = Other Hair Colour Y/A=Your Age  “”=speaking  ‘’=thinking

A/N: I hope you enjoy it, there is some s*x/smut in it. This story changes between your and dean’s POV. 

If you want to know more about the A/B/O genre then follow the link (Seems that spn is the start of this fanlore haha kind of funny to find out about it  ) https://fanlore.org/wiki/Alpha/Beta/Omega

  Enjoy and leave a comment!     Masterlist   ------------   *Y/N POV* You had been taking the pill since before you came here. Luckily you had just picked up two new packets of the pill from the pharmacy before you arrived here, in the SPN world. So you've been here for…maybe six months? You're still trying to find a way to get you home, but specifically to the right dimension.   In the meantime Dean and Sam had finally excepted where you were from and that you "knew" them but they didn't know you. It is a weird environment to be in! But they were getting more and more used to you… but so were you. They weren't the same as in the show. It w­as the small things like… Sam actually liked junk food and Dean didn't really love pie. You know the little things.   Anyway you were busy with research while the guys were getting ready for a new case on.   Before they left Dean came up to you with a cellphone. "If anything happens, call us immediately. If we don't pick up then leave a message. If you need someone immediately then call Garth, he'll help you." Dean said with his serious face. You just smiled. "Don't worry I'm staying here at the bunker, doing some research. Just be careful, okay?" He turned around and walked towards the exit. "Dean?" "Yeah, yeah. We've been doing this our whole lives you know." He said turning around to face you, you pulled a face and said. "Stop being a smartass and just tell me you'll watch out." He raised his eyebrow a bit. "Yeah, yeah." He said as he turned back to the door. You caught a glimmer of a faint smile as he closed it behind him. You just chuckled and went back to the library to continue your research.

  It had been 3 days since they left and you were going crazy with all this research with only dead-ends. It was discouraging but back to your pill ‘problem’.   You've continued to take them since you got here but two days before the guys left you ran out. So you thought ‘oh well’ and decided just to let the blood-bath hit you while the guys were gone.   On the second day you started to get really bad cramps. Which wasn't weird but you've never had them this bad before. On the third day it seemed like you were getting a fever and to your surprise, there was no blood-bath, just the horrible cramps and slick. Which again, you found weird.   By the fourth day you were in pure agony. The cramps were getting unbearable and your fever was rising. You decided to stay in your bed for the day with enough painkillers to make you pass out. Unfortunately, of course, you were nearly out of painkillers.   At the end of the fourth day you decided to call Dean, finding it to annoying to type a message.   “Hello?” you heard Dean’s rough voice. Why did you find him sound so sexy at the moment? “Dean? It's Y/N.” “Wow, have you been drinking? You sound a bit…rough?” Dean asked but you didn't respond. It was as if when Dean spoke the cramps got worse.   “Y/N, are you okay?” Dean asked. "Yeah I'm okay but I think I'm getting the flu, could you pick up some pain killers on your way back?" You though you could hear a sigh of relief? "Sure, we'll be there in two days. Think you can last until then?" “Asif I've got a choice.” You said with a soft chuckle. How you could laugh in a situation like this was beyond you. “We'll be there as soon as we ca-” you cut him off “Don't, like I said before be careful and I'll see you soon.” You could hear him chuckle. “Yeah, yeah.” and you hung up.   You put on your oversized sleeping shirt and got into bed after taking like 7 painkillers. Which is not the advised dose but you are feeling like you are dying and just want the lights to go out for a couple of hours.   When you woke up the pain was even worse, if that was even possible. The cramps were coming in heavy waves, you were feeling abnormally hot and your vision was blurry.   After a while you realized that were fading in and out of consciousness and that you were moaning. You don't know how long you've been lying there but every so often you could hear a sound, your cellphone. Every time you tried to move towards it, you either moaned out in those horrible cramps or blacked out again. It didn't take long either for you to feel something wet on your face, only to realize you were crying.   After what you think were another couple of hours, you could hear some rushed noises and your door slamming open. You felt like you were hit by a wall, a relieving wall, that made you moan again. One figure just stood there and then another figure showed up. You didn't hear what they were saying and you didn't care since you were preoccupied by a massive wave of cramps anyway.     *Dean's POV* We’re on the road, heading back towards the bunker. We had finished the job earlier than expected, plus I wanted to get back to Y/N. She hasn't text me back, which for some reason caused the alpha inside me started to get protective.   It had been a quiet ride back. We were nearly home when Sam turned the music off. “What do you think you are doing?”   “What’s the deal between you and Y/N?” He said, ignoring me. “What are you talking about? There is nothing ‘between’ me and her.” Sam started to laugh. “You’re joking, right?” “No.” “Dude, you are totally falling for her.” “Am not.” “Uhm, yes you are.” “Shut up.” ‘Just drop it Sammy, I don’t want to talk about it.’   It was dead silent in the car and even now I could hear his silent bitchin. He won’t let this go, I looked at him and he was staring back at me in his bitchin, judging manner. I looked at the road again and speeded up. I wanted to get out of this car as soon as possible. “You know what, you keep out of my love life and I’ll keep out of yours.” “Love life huh?” He said in a smug way. I love my brother but right now I want to kill him for his bitchin, I swear. “I don’t need to explain anything to you.”   ---   I called her several times on the ride here but she hadn’t answered. This didn’t feel right, there was something wrong. I jumped out of the car and ran inside to check on her.   I ran into the library and kitchen but she wasn’t there. “Y/N?” She didn’t respond either. “Where is she?” I mumbled to myself. “I don’t know but… do you smell that?” Sam asked. He was right there was a smell, very faint, a sweet scent.   I ran towards the stairs, going to the bedrooms. The smell was getting stronger, I opened her bedroom door and there she was. In bed, crying and in heat. Her scent was so strong, so intoxicating… it can’t be.   “Omg, Y/N?” I faintly heard Sam say.   She started to moan. I could feel my chest rise and hurt. I was ready to march towards her when I realized Sam had his hand on my chest and was holding me back. Making me growl in responds, Sam needed to back off.   "Stop" Sam said, I didn’t take my eyes off her. "She asked for pain killers." Sam said. “So?” I said in an annoyed grunt, jaw clenched, fixated on Y/N. "She doesn't know."   He was right but I just couldn't think straight. Her scent was so strong, it was obviously her first heat! “Dean, go.” he pulled me at my arm, closing the door. "Now.” It was only then that I really saw Sam, he was also having a hard time too. He was right, we had to go. 

---   “Dean, what are we going to do?” I looked at Sam but I didn’t have an answer either, not really. "I don’t know man but we can't leave her there, you saw her." I said rubbing into my eyes.   “Well, what are we supposed to do then?! Nearly everybody we know are alpha’s except for Charlie but she's somewhere chasing flying monkeys, Jody is unreachable and we can't go in there. I am not going in there and especially you cannot go in there!” I felt attacked by Sam, saying I couldn't see Y/N but he was right. “This is not good.” I said as I pinch the bridge of my nose. It was silent for a moment.   “We can leave her? I'm sure she'll pull through.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “No, no way.” I looked at Sammy. “What are we supposed to do then, Dean?” He raised his voice and hands in question.   I thought for a moment. “Well I know one thing for damn sure and that’s that I’m not just leaving her like that to 'sick it out'! C’mon Sammy, like you said, she thinks this is the flu for god’s sake. She doesn't know what’s happening and this could last another week!”   “Whatever Dean but besides that… I just can’t believe she's an omega. How did we miss that?” Sam finished quietly. Sammy was right. To be honest, I was just as surprised as him, omegas are rare. Usually an alpha would end up with a feminine Beta just because of the lack of omega’s.   I could see Sam thinking again. “What?” He looked a bit doubtful but said it anyway. “Well… this isn’t going away anytime soon and since her heat started already, suppressants won’t work anymore so… you should knot her.”   “What?!” I did NOT hear that right.   “Knot her.” I now just snorted at that. “Yeah right.” And looked away. “Why not Dean?” I looked back at him. “Why not? Are you friggin kidding me?!” I can’t believe he was seriously asking me that. “You like her, don't you? I've seen the way you've looked at her for the last 4 months.” I can’t believe this.   “Dude I'm not gonna knot some girl who doesn't even know that's she's a friggin omega. Hell, I bet ya she doesn't even know what it is or means” “But-” He was just not gonna let this go! “No! I'm not gonna knot her because… the way she is now I might end up mating her, without her consent.”   Sam fell silent at that. He was a good brother but he just didn’t understand it. Alpha senses are very different when it came to omega’s, at least compared to beta’s like Sam.   “So the answer is no and that's final.” Sam got this look, I could feel the alpha in me rise. “And neither are you!” Sam raised his hand in defense. “Dude I'm not going down there until her heat is over. I’ll be honest even as a beta, I won't be able to handle an omegas first heat. I barely got away from there to begin with.”   I let my hand slide over my face again, this was so not good.   I then got sick of waiting around. I went to the bags and took the painkillers. I made my way towards the door that leads to all our bedrooms.   “What are you doing?!” I could hear the fear in Sam’s voice. “I’m going down there and don't you dare to follow me. Keep your phone with you, I might call you with a list of stuff that you might have to get.” As I closed the door I could hear Sammy say. “Doesn’t love her, huh?”   I quickly dashed downstairs and into my room. I went through the drawers and found my suppressants shots. Lucky me, I had been in rut just a week ago so the suppressant should have a better effect on me now that I’m ‘normal’. I took two shots just to be sure and sat there in my room for a couple of minutes to let’s effect work.   ‘She didn’t look well, I need to get close to her.’ I looked at my watch, it’s been 20 minutes since I saw her. “I'm not going to leave her.” I tell myself as I exit my room.   As I walk down the hallway I can smell her scent, it smells like heaven. ‘And it could be mine’ I stopped himself. I should have waited longer for the suppressant to have worked. ‘What am I even doing? Why won’t I just leave her?’ Unfortunately the answer to that was quite simple. Sammy was right.   In the beginning I didn't like Y/N, she knew too much but as time passed she turned out to be really awesome and sweet. I actually started to appreciate her more and recently I caught myself thinking about stuff and wondering what Y/N’s opinion would be.   To be honest, that scared the crap out of me.   But on another subject, I don’t understand why this is happening now. Why hadn't I smelled it on her before? I didn’t even know she was an omega and I was the alpha in this home. How did I not notice?   I collected my thoughts again and continued my way to Y/N's bedroom. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Her scent hit me again like a giant brick wall.   She was lying on the bed, cramped up and moaning which must be because of my alpha scent. I looked at her face, her eyes screwed shut and crying.   She was crying.   I could feel my chest raising and my shoulders broadening in a defensive manner. I had to calm myself down again. After a minute I set a first step into the room, I took another step and another and another. I looked at Y/N, she looked flushed and out of breath. She opened her eyes, looking at me with her hazed E/C eyes.   “Dean?” she asked in a pleading manner and it took everything in me not to respond to the alpha within. “Dean, I don't know how I got sick.” Tears rolling down her cheek and her hands grasping onto her stomach. “I’m sorry.” She begged for help.   She did not beg for me or an alpha and in a very far corner in my mind that pissed off the alpha in me because this meant that she was not begging for me to breed her. But as I heard her crying, I could feel something break inside me. She genuinely didn't know what this was and instead of a typical heat breading scent, she let out a scared and confused one which made it an easier for me to suppress the instinctive alpha inside me.   “Dean?” I went over to her and cautiously sat on the bed next to her. She then really started to moan, her body going into shocks because of the cramps.   What happened next, I didn't want to but I had to. I started to get nervous, I hadn’t done that in a long time, I used my alpha voice to make her listen. “Y/N, stop shaking.” Her body stopped shaking. “Sit up.” and she did, slowly but still. “Look at me.” and she looked at me and I looked straight into her eyes. She looked in pain and confused.   “Dean?” she moaned. I swallowed at that, forcing myself not to imagine hearing her say my name like that as I would knot her. I desperately pushed that thought away. “Yes?” “Do you know what's going on with me?” Her eyes begging me, nearly hypnotizing, I couldn’t lie. “Yes.” “Can you help me, Dean?” I swallowed even harder at that one and couldn’t suppress a growl. Y/N moaned at that. This was not going well, I have to take care of her and quick before I have to run out of this room again. “I’m going to help you get through this and when you're better I'll let you decide.” She nodded her head in agreement.   I put my hand on her forehead, she was having a serious fever, even for an omega in heat. I grabbed her shoulders to guide her to the shower but she blacked out. “Y/N? Y/N?!” I lightly tapped her cheeks, trying to wake her up but it didn’t work. “Damnit!” I was starting to get panicked, this was not good. I pulled the sheet off of her being hit with another wave of her scent. She wasn't wearing any pants, only her panties, which were soaked through with her slick.   I clenched my jaw and took her bridal-style into the bathrooms and put her into the bath and let the water run. Hopefully this would lower her body temperature.   I took my cellphone and called Sammy, he picked up very quickly. “How are you doing?” “Awesome.” I answered sarcastically. “That bad, huh?” He said and he has no idea. Let’s just say that I’m glad I had the 2 suppressants. “I need you to get some stuff.” I said as I cupped some water with my hand and rinsed it over Y/N’s face. “Sure”   I was glad Sam didn’t make a fuss about the list. The only annoying question he asked was how I knew what exact stuff I needed. I didn’t even respond to that. “Just hurry up Sam.” I barked at him, right my patience was running thin. This was about the wellbeing of my ome- I mean Y/N.   I took the hose and let the water run over her body. After, I think, 45min her fever finally started to drop a bit.   After a while Sam quickly brought the supplies and after the shower I dried Y/N off. She was still warm but that was normal. I carried her to the bed but every time I wanted to leave She’d moan out in pain again. So I decided to give her some medicine and lie next to her in bed. It didn’t take long for her to crawl against me.   I’ve been on edge ever since I got in this room, not knowing how I would react to an omega and having her lie on my chest soothed her but it also soothed me. As she took hold of my shirt, with her head lying on my chest, occasionally moaning, her breath becoming more regular as I stroked her hair and she fell asleep.   I felt proude for having soothed her, it’s something I hadn’t felt in a long time. For now I let her sleep, I intended on going and having some sleep myself but it felt wrong so I stayed and watched over her for now.   --   This continued for a couple of days. Sam brought supplies and Y/N was in and out of consciousness. Every time I wanted to leave I just couldn’t, my instinct wouldn’t let me, I felt to protective of her. So during these days, the only times I left was when I absolutely had to for hygiene, food or drinks.   I felt Y/N stir under my touch. I then felt her body language change into surprise, shock. She suddenly shot up, I held her arms so she wouldn’t fall of the bed. “Dean? What’s happening?” She asked me confused.   There’s no getting around this anymore. She seems to be clear now and I don’t know how else to explain this. Here it goes, let’s see how she’s going to react.     *Y/N POV*   Dean had given me the explanation and I was trying to sum up the main things.   "So basically my only choice is to lock myself up and go through that pain or to find myself a mate? Because if I don’t find a mate then that means that any random alpha can boss me around." I stated questionably. “Basically, yes.” Dean answered. “And the person has to be an alpha.” I asked skeptical, shaking my head, trying to wrap my head around this weird world.   Dean answered very serious. “You can go for a beta but if you’re unlucky and run into a very dominant alpha, the ruling of the beta won’t stand a chance. An alpha scent quiet surely will keep you safe and will make sure that the other alpha’s don’t bother you because it’ll be clear that you’re already taken.” Dean explained calmly. I didn’t respond, I didn’t know how to. This was just so much bullshit but real information at once.   It was silent for a long time. This is so frustrating, what kind of world creates this crap! It’s like going back to the stone ages with primates and shit but even worse than I ever could imagine… aargh!   “Great. So I've got to mate somebody… and once that is done that person will be my partner… FOREVER and secondly I have to make sure that that person isn’t a total asshole who will intent to use me as some kind of slave because if so I’m simply not able to disobey that person?! And next to that every month and a half or so, instead of bleeding I’m just going to go crazy with pain, cramps, heat and become delusional.” I ranted nearly hysterical towards Dean. I couldn’t figure out his expression as he nodded yes. I then stared at my hands.   I can’t believe this. This is NOT happening to me! I’m not going to be some good little damsel in destress and let all those alpha’s walk over me, I can’t live like that! I then really looked at my hands and saw that they were shaking. I only then noticed that my cheeks were wet and I was having trouble breathing.   I felt a hand on my shoulder and slowly looked up. Dean was so close, I could feel his breath brushing my cheeks and my breath halted at that. Dean then spoke normal but for some reason it seemed so soothing to me, like I was in some kind of trance. “Don’t worry about it. For now you've just had your first heat. That will give you about a month and a half before you have the next. So for now take some rest.” He said as he stroked his thumb across my cheek, whipping the tears away.   Again, why did it feel so soothing when Dean spoke? But besides that, if he was right then I’d have to find a solution within a month. ONE MONTH. Dean let go of my cheek. I groaned at the loss of touch and at the thought of having to go through this all over again.   You’d think a month is long, trust me, it’ll be around the corner before I even freaking know it. My thoughts were then interrupted by Dean. “Besides maybe we'll find a way to get you home and you won’t have to.” He said. ‘God I hope not.’ Before I knew it I’d thought that. I should want to go home. I looked at Dean, looking him straight into his green eyes, feeling a bit sad. “I guess.” Dean gave a small smile and put his hand on my head and ruffled my hair.   He stood up and walked towards the door. “Dean?” He turned around. “hmm” “Thank you, ya know… for being here.” He didn’t say anything he just gave me a soft smile and nod and left the room.     *1,5 months later* Sam left on a hunt with Garth and Dean just came back from a hunt with Jody.   “You’re in heat again.” He stated, dropping his bag on the table. “Why hello there Dean, nice to see you too. How was your day?” I said overfriendly and sarcastic. He just snorted at that, which in return made me sigh. “Is it that obvious?” I asked softly.   “Well your scent is getting pretty strong.” He said, taking his guns out of his bag and putting them on the table. I put my book aside. “This is ridiculous, I didn’t have any cramps or feel heated until you walked in.” I moaned annoyed.   It was very faint but I could hear Dean mumble. “There will be more where that came from.” It seriously pissed me off. “This isn't funny Dean!” He gave an annoyed sigh himself. “Oh believe me, I’m not laughing and if you can’t handle it then lock yourself up like the other omega’s!” His annoyance being very clear and it made me feel attacked.   Against my feelings, which said that I shouldn’t speak against him, I carefully mumbled. “I don’t want to.” My mumble with a hint of shame. I could feel the tension in the air and hear Dean get really agitated as he made a heavy annoyed sigh. When he spoke, it made me flinch. “Well then you should have found yourself an alpha. I warned you this was going to happen.” Tears started to form in my eyes as he said that and I looked at the door that went downstairs.   I had to swallow at the thought of it, I couldn’t help it. I didn't want this. I didn't want to be locked up and be in pain for a week maybe even two. Dean had given me some magazines that explained this stuff and I bought myself some toys but I read online that even that wasn’t really satisfying and could be ineffective… even though the dildo’s were huge at the tip.   So conclusion was that even with the toys, I would still be out of it and in pain for like a week. Dean was right, I still didn’t have an alpha. I hadn’t even really tried. I didn’t want to be mated for life to some guy that I’d met and know for barely 3 weeks. This was only my second heat! I guess I just had to suck it up and get my toys…   “You’re right. I’ll go down in a minute.” I said, not looking away from the door as I felt tears falling down my cheeks again.     *Dean's POV* I looked at Y/N as she said that and saw the tears falling down her cheek. I’m such an idiot. This is just her second heat. It’s just, her scent drives me crazy. Right now I lose my temper so easily around her but seeing her cry, I just can’t take it to see her like that. Before I even realized what I said, I had already spoken it out loud.   “I'm an alpha” I said, looking at her and getting my hopes up… what the HELL am I saying?!   It took her a little while before she even looked at me and when she did I saw her giving me a sad smile. “Why doesn't that surprise me?” She answered.   It stayed silent for a little while. Y/N continued to stare at the door, I looked at my bag and took out a few things and laid them onto the table. The silence was killing me, so I started to babble on. “We could… you know.” I’m not even sure if she’d heard me. When I look up I see her looking back at me but instead of laughing or cringing like I expected her to, she gave me this sad smile.   “I don't want to ask that from you.” I felt my alpha pride being offended. “Why not?” Even I could hear the offence in my voice. I could see her flinch at my tone of voice. She hesitantly answered. “Uhm I don’t know about you but I thought we were talking about ‘mating’ not ‘knotting’.” I looked at her confused. “Yeah, I know what we were talking about.” I said seriously.   She slightly turned her head in disbelieve, still looking at me. “Mating.” She said again articulating it very clearly. “Yeah, I get that.” I said. “Do you?” I couldn’t help myself and started to laugh. “Yes, I understand the meaning of mating Y/N.” I raised one eyebrow, she looked unsure and scared at my proposal. I don’t get it. “I’d thought you’d jump at an opportunity like this.” I said carefully, not daring to make a sudden move.   It stayed silent for a while. I could actually see the gears turning in her head. I didn’t dare disturb her. I was surprised at myself for suggesting it but now that the cat was out of the box, I didn’t care anymore. And deep down I finally realized I actually loved her. I had actually know since the first time I smelled her scent. Sweetheart, please don’t break my heart.   “We’re friends right?” She said, taking me by surprise. “At least I thinks so… right?” She continued carefully. I nearly cut her off, I responded so fast. “We are.” I couldn’t help but look her in the eyes. She didn’t look away and it had turned into a quite intense stare. After a while I broke the ice “So what’s the problem?”   She sighed. “Because in my eyes you are amazing and you deserve better than some ‘friend’ from another dimension who wants to ‘solve this problem’ in order for her to behave ‘normal’.” She started to fiddle with her hands, staring at them. “You should be with an omega that you actually want to be with.”   Her word were kind and yet hurtful at the same time. She was looking towards the floor. I walked towards her and with every step I moved closer I could feel her become tenser, her scent becoming stronger, her breath heavier. As for me, I didn’t notice anything else in the room, it was only her. It annoyed me that she didn’t look at me. I gently held her chin and guided it so that she couldn’t avoid my gaze any longer.   It also became clear to me that Y/N didn’t recognize the effect my scent had on her but seeing her react to my touch, sound etc. it was obvious, she was my mate and I was hers. Just because of her lack of experience she didn’t notice. I’d have to make it clear to her in another way.   “First of all.” I took a step closer. “I decide whether or not you're good enough for me and if I didn't like you then I wouldn't have said I was an alpha or suggested this in the first place.” She seemed speechless at the moment, her cheeks flushed, I couldn’t help but tease her a little bit. “And besides we’ll only be stuck to each other for a little while, literally.” I said while smirking.   “Literally?” She asked almost shocked. I can’t believe this and started to get annoyed again. “Didn’t you look any of this up?” I asked annoyed and she flinched but to my own arousal and surprise she bite back. “I’ve been a bit busy!” She said pointing at the stacks of books and paperwork scattered over the two tables. Which were mainly researches for me and Sam’s cases and also some lore about getting her home. ‘Hn, feisty omega.’ I looked from her to the table, back and forth and noticed certain books about dimensions and time travel.   ‘Home, her home.’ I felt my gut falling, she’s been searching for a way home so even if I’ve found my mate there is still a chance she’ll leave me. That would be just my luck. Even the thought of it already hurt worse than hell. Having found not just an omega but my true mate and from another dimension none other the less and then this might happen.   I looked at her and she seemed to still wait for an answer. “Yeah I guess.” I answered carefully. Y/N stayed quiet for a bit until I heard her whisper something. “What?” I asked. She looked up at me with her bright E/C eyes. “Does that mean you like me? Even just a little bit.” She asked shyly. I couldn’t help but let out an aroused grunt. “Yes.”   There was another long silence, her scent became stronger, as I held my breath. She then carefully spoke again. “Are you sure? I don’t want this to get weird between us.” Her scent was getting stronger and stronger by the second. I briefly closed my eyes, focused and then looked straight into her eyes without a doubt in my mind. “Yes, I’m sure.” Not realizing I was using my alpha voice to reassure her. I could see and feel the tension leave her and she smiled at me as I gave her a small smile back.   I took a step back before I would completely lose control. “You go ahead downstairs. I’ll have a quick shower, by then you should have reached your peak, it will be more effective then.” I explained. She nodded and started to walk towards the door when I thought of something. “You have been taking the anti-conception shots, right?” I asked concerned. She turned around and was blown away by the confident, cheeky smile and tone she responded with. “Yes, why? Afraid you’ll get me pregnant?” She giggled in a nearly sadistic and daring way. I don’t even think I’d have to wait too long to reach my peak. The way she is right now, I could take her on the spot. ‘MY omega.’   ----   *Y/N POV*   I followed dean’s instructions, thinking about him, his scent still hung around me. I only got warmer and warmer, the cramps came again in stronger waves. It’s as if the further away dean was the worse I got. I went into my room, laid down on the bed and waited for dean as I held my stomach in pain.   It was odd, before, Dean’s words had soothed me and I couldn’t wind my mind around the fact that Dean would be my mate. I’m going to have sex with Dean Winchester and not ‘normal’ sex either. I started to get nervous, feeling like some kind of virgin, because I didn’t know what to expect really. I’d never done it as an omega. I was never so out of it, horney, warm and desperate like I was now.   I had closed my eyes and couldn’t keep my breathing under control, the cramps felt unbearable. I heard someone moaning only to realize that it was me. It then became dark, I didn’t notice anything until I felt a hand on my arm, the hand feeling intense warm on my skin.   “Dean?” I moaned and was met with lips touching mine. I tried to slowly opened my eyes but they felt so heavy, I could only open them half way. I saw dean, flushed as well with a wild look in his eyes. There was this smell around him, it must have been his scent. It was so strong, it felt like a soothing, numbing fog. He let out a heavy like animal grunt. I stopped overthinking it.   I let my hand go over his chest, he didn’t have a shirt on. It was so hot and electrifying. My other hand went to the back of his neck as his hands went to my lower back, pulling us closer together, feeling him rubbing against me.   Dean’s lips hungrily and rough went from my mouth to my jawline and going over my neck. Biting at it but not breaking skin. He pulled back and I let out a frustrated moan and let out a grunt in response. “My omega.” He said as he took off all his clothes. “Dean” I moaned as his scent became stronger and he helped me take off my clothes.   We were now completely naked, with me pinned down under him. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them down over my head, he kissed and nibbled my neck as he said with his rough voice. “I’m your alpha” As he said the word ‘alpha’ he slightly bit my skin, making me gasp out. Feeling myself become slick, trying to rub my thighs to stop the throbbing but dean stopped me.   Dean bit my skin again and I moaned out. “Dean” He bit again but harder. I let out a gasp and moaned again. “Alpha…” He licked this time and then bite again. “my alpha” I moaned. He bit harder, nearly drawing blood and let out another animal like moan. His manhood throbbing against my lower body, twitching. I let out an even louder moan. Indicating that I wanted more, I needed more and I needed it now. “Alpha!”   You quickly felt yourself being filled. You let out moans as dean whispered in your ear. “My omega” “Good omega” “Mine” “Breed” “I’m going to knot you” “Mine” “My omega” over and over again.   As he whispered his pace got faster until he was really pounding into you. With every thrust you let out a moan of pleasure and want. He let go of your wrists and immediately your hands went to the back of his shoulders, clawing into them. Receiving a heavy grunt from Dean.   You had no idea how long Dean had been pounding into you or how long you had been clawing at his back, moaning for him. He seemed to get close, he suddenly pulled out of you. Before you could complain he had turned you around, face down, lifted up your backside and filled you up again. Going at a merciless pounding speed. Making you literally cry out of bliss as Dean kept going and kissed your back.   You felt him getting bigger inside you, feeling him throb, knowing he was close you started calling for him. “Alpha, fill me. Make me whole.” Dean started having difficulty moving inside you. “Omega. Knotting you. Fill you up. My Omega.” Dean pushed inside you as far as he could, feeling yourself being filled to the max by his knot and Dean letting out a big grunt as he filled you up with his semen. You went over the edge as he bit your neck but not like the previous times, he bit deep, drawing blood.   Your entire body shook, overloaded with sensations. It felt like forever that you were being filled up by him and with his teeth still sinking into your shoulder. Your suddenly felt weak, heavy, like a rage doll. You felt Dean letting go of your shoulder and nuzzling your neck, whispering all kinds of things. He was still inside you when he carefully turned you two to the side and held you tight in his arms. He kissed and licked your bite mark as you fell asleep satisfied.   Half hour later you woke up and you were still connected to Dean. He quickly explained and made some smartass comments.   “You are pretty awesome, for an alien.” Dean said snorting the last bit. I playfully slapped him and offendedly answered. “Says the guy biting my neck like a vampire and having his dick stuck inside me while pumping me full with… his semen.” Just saying it out loud made my cheeks heat up while moaning it out and having it throb down below. Dean automatically responded by growling and biting my neck once more, again drawing blood. Making me yelp in surprise, feeling him tense and fill me up once more.   We stayed like that for a while until dean let go of my neck. I let myself go limp in his embrace but I still wondered. “Dean?” He kissed my neck as he responded “hmmm”.   “I've been wondering, is it always like this here?” He stopped kissing me “What do you mean?” I could feel my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. “I-I mean is the sex always so intense and… good.” He stayed silent for a minute and then answered. “No.” I tensed, did I just embarrass myself, am I the onl- “That only happens with mates, my omega” he growled, nibbling and kissing your neck. “You were amazing.” You felt such relief and aroused hearing that.   “I’ve been wondering” Dean asked and you hummed in acknowledgment. “How does it go at your place then? Don’t you people knot or something?” You started to giggle a bit, thinking about the situation you are in and answered. “No, dicks don't usually swell up until they get themselves stuck inside someone.” You could just feel him rolling his eyes and you continued. “And no, there are no alpha’s, betas or omegas.” It then became quiet and you looked over your shoulder at Dean. He looked in thought before asking. “But how do you know if you've found your mate?” You smirked and gave him a light peck on the lips. “We don't, we need to work hard for our relationships and hope that the person you love is truly your other half. Only time will tell.” You saw Dean thinking as he nodded in understanding.   It only then occurred to you what he had actually said and asked. You to turn around to look at him as best as you could without hurting each other since you were still stuck together. “Wait a second! Do alpha’s or omega’s know who their true partner or mate is?” Your surprise clearly noticeable in your voice.   “Well it’s different for everybody but you can usually smell it from there scent.” You looked at him surprised as his answer dawned on you. Your eyes grew wide and you started to mumble without real words coming out. Dean sighed. “I smelled it. The first time you went into heat.” You were still surprised as Dean knowingly smirked and gloated over you. “Me?” You asked the obvious. He nodded at first and then shook his head. “You didn’t notice a thing did you.” He said and slightly raised his eyebrow as if he wanted to say ‘you idiot’.   “I-I-I didn’t know. I-I just always thought you smelled good.” He grabbed your chin and kissed you passionately. When we were both out of breath, we looked at each other. “My alpha” You moaned “My omega.”   “Stay with me.” Dean asked you, his voice sounding like a plea. Without a doubt in your mind. You didn’t want to leave. You wanted to stay here with Dean. “I’m not going anywhere.” You stroke his scruffy cheek, him leaning into your hand.   “But do you even like me?” You teased him. “Obviously” he mumbled into your hand while rolling his eyes. ”Obviously? As if you’re captain-obvious about stuff like this.” You laughed. He pulls you closer and whispered in your ear. “Let me put it this way. Even if you had my mating scent, I wouldn’t have agreed to mating you if I didn’t love you. Unlike some people in this relationship, I know the extent and meaning of mating.” He ended trying to tease you. But you were just smiling from ear to ear which made Dean confused.   You gave him a peck on the mouth and said teasingly. “You said you love me.” He was surprised himself and had a ‘busted’ look on his face. He pulls you closer, holding you tight while teasing you down below, making you moan as roughly groaned into your ear. “Shut up and let me love you.”

[transarterrified]

top surgery

I wanted to write up my experience as a reference for others who are interested in getting top surgery or who want to learn more about it. I’m going to write it kind of like an advice/what I wish I had known or done before. There are a few sections: fundraising, before the surgery, the surgery, and early recovery.

Fundraising

As you may have seen, I did a fundraiser with help from several people, including rgr-pop and start-anywhere, who donated items and labor to the fundraiser. You can still donate if you want the mixes and/or a tarot reading from me, haha. Here is my advice about fundraising:

If possible, make your own website instead of using YouCaring or GoFundMe. If you do want to use a donation site, pick one that doesn’t take a cut of the money. I built a website with Wordpress and purchased a plan that took that ads off the page, which I did more because I needed to do that for my professional website when I go on the job market. I found that it gave me more room to talk about my budget, I was able to track the analytics more tightly, and I think it may have been more rhetorically effective. It might even make sense to use something like Squarespace with a store feature – I think Merritt Kopas did this for her fundraiser.

Offer tangible benefits, but pick ones that are easy to accomplish. For me this was important because I didn’t want people to just give money to me for a variety of reasons. I also was able to do a thing I do all the time anyway and share a skill I’m developing. It helps you reach people who don’t know you, and also encourages people to give more money. It took me a long time to pick two things I wanted to give. I had all kinds of ideas, like screenprinting a cool shirt (I still want to do this), and making a queer tarot zine (I also still want to do this). But at the very correct urging of beneaththeleaf, I narrowed it down to two things that take less time than those crafts. So, briefly, pick benefits that are easy to distribute, easy to make, and free/cheap to make. If you don’t have to ship things, you’ll be able to keep more money.

Let others help you. If your friends have a skill, ask them to contribute something your donors can give for more money. Let your friends help you with managing the contacts you have to make post-donation and with sharing and promoting the fundraiser. It will have more of an impact if you can get ten friends to share or reblog your fundraiser than if you share or reblog your own fundraiser ten times!

Don’t expect fundraising to cover the whole cost. And don’t compare yourself to other people raising money. I wouldn’t have been able to have the surgery without the money I raised. But I also wouldn’t have been able to do it without the money I saved and the money I borrowed. Among my friends who have raised money, the average is about $2000. And you will be fundraising the same time that your friends are, which is awkward. I was fundraising for a surgery the same time as another friend in my extended network, and he raised all $9000 that he asked for. He deserves it! Another friend got top surgery the same week and paid for it all out of pocket. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have fundraised! You have to just let other people’s surgeries be their surgeries and their fundraisers be their fundraisers. Boost yours and other fundraisers you don’t see getting traction as much as possible. It’s shitty and it sucks. But that’s how the internet works.

Let yourself get some money. It took me MANY therapy sessions to accept that I could and should do a fundraiser. I didn’t think I was worth it! I felt like I was taking resources from other people. But that’s not really how it works. As my friend Cass has described to me, being trans on the internet is basically part of being in a huge circle of friends constantly giving each other $30. It feels bad to take that money. But if it’s the only way you can do it, you need to do it! You can give it forward later.

Get ready to feel weird. Asking for money will lead to some weird social circumstances. I got several unexpected large donations and some of those I had to talk with the donors about. Some of your friends are secretly rich, which is weird.

Before the Surgery

Take care of your health. I panicked the week before the surgery because I was convinced I would get sick and then they couldn’t perform the surgery on me. One night, I got off the bus 10 stops before my house because the guy sitting next to me was coughing without covering his mouth. I sucked on so many zinc tablets my taste buds are still fucked up. I even called the surgeon to assuage my fear that it would be ok if I had a cold, and they were very firm with me about not being sick at all being very important. You should think about this before scheduling a surgery a) at the end of the semester or a more stressful period at your job, b) during cold and flu season, and c) during the holidays. I was fine! But it triggered my deepest compulsion and it made me way crazier than I needed to be before getting surgery.

Let other people help you. I didn’t do this as much as I should have, but ask people for help with getting prepared, cleaning your house, whatever will help you be less stressed at least the week before your procedure.

Try to avoid going down the internet rabbit holes. I read A LOT of surgery result stories and felt like it was going to either be me feeling 100% two days later or being bedridden for two weeks. I think there is value in reading people’s stories, but remember, they are stories and sometimes are embellished, and also aren’t the only possible outcomes. I felt like since I hadn’t been working out, taking supplements, etc. etc. it was going to be bad and my long term recovery would be bad. It’s just not true! There are things you can do to prepare, and you should do what makes you feel the most confident. But don’t listen to the advice of every musclebro out there.

Try to R-E-L-A-X. I know this is pointless advice, but try to be calm, meditate, do breathing exercises, etc. Get your blood pressure down. Also, doubt and guilt are totally natural feelings. If possible, I highly recommend reaching out to someone who has had top surgery to talk with them about these feelings if you can. It was really helpful to know it was normal to feel guilty and doubtful, and to also know that those feelings would reside with time.

If you smoke tobacco, they will ask you to stop at least two weeks before surgery. Just keep this in mind!

Day before/of surgery

Pack button-downs only and lots of sweat pants. If you need sweaters, go with cardigans and zip ups. You won’t be able to raise your arms over your head.

Go shopping before you get the surgery. Here’s a list, if you don’t get a package of stuff from your surgeon. I recommend getting these items prior to your procedure:

Two post-surgical binders—you will be provided one most likely. Get another if possible, or even two

If you are doing open drains: thin, wingless pads and extra large bandages. The thin pads will be nicer than the maternity pads they’ll give you to drain into, and eventually you can switch to bandages.

Sleep aids – it can be hard to sleep, even on pain meds.

Ibuprofen or other pain medicine – go off the hard stuff as soon as you can, because you’ll feel bette

Fiber pills – you won’t want to eat a lot, probably, and fiber will help your digestive system get back on track.

Stool softeners or laxatives – see above

Benadryl for itching

Neosporin

Lots of things you like to drink – I got two big bottles of Gatorade, Diet Coke, and cherry lime fizzy water.

Straws

Appealing snacky foods

Baby wipes and/or flushable wipes – I used these for everything and way more than I expected to

A massage ball (e.g., lacrosse ball) or some kind of massage tool for post-surgery massage. I just couldn’t deal with the feeling of pressing on my own incisions and chest; having a massage ball helped.

Laundry detergent--especially if you can bring no-rinse stuff like Soak

You won’t be able to eat before the surgery so eat when you can.

Don’t drink 24 hours before surgery. Some surgeons have harder rules on this. I tried to limit myself to one drink max per day the week before surgery.

The Surgery

This is what my experience was. We got to the surgeon’s office. I had my friend/care partner come in with me. We looked at before and after pictures in the waiting room. There was champagne, but I couldn’t drink it. It’s very strange if you get your surgery at a plastic surgeon’s office!

Very shortly, the first nurse led me into the consultation room. She weighed me (and made a weird comment about me losing weight). I did a bunch of paperwork. The nurse asked me which song I wanted played as I went under. I said something by Reba McEntire. She took my temperature and BP. My BP was 150/90 or something terrible – I told her I had white coat syndrome, and she told me it was relatively normal to have a high BP the day of surgery. I had to take off all my clothes in the bathroom after that, then put on surgical underwear and socks.

After that, she gave me a Valium and some other drugs. She took pictures of my chest from several angles. We waited for a long time. My friend caught some Pokemon. I freaked out. The Valium kicked in. I met with the surgeon. We talked for a long time about what my goals were (which we had already discussed over the phone). Mine were as follows: I didn’t want my nipples to be too close together, and I wanted my chest to look normal for someone of my size. I brought a “wish pic,” but I didn’t give it to anyone and I don’t know if they used it. She drew on my body with a medical marker. She took a lot of measurements and we tried to eyeball where my nipples would go. She rubbed nitro ointment on my hand. Then she left.

We waited more. The anesthesiologist came in and asked a ton of questions and had me do paperwork. She smelled like cigarettes. We waited even more. Then, very quickly, I was ushered into the surgery room. I was swarmed by nurses and the anesthesiologist. I couldn’t tell what Reba song was playing. They put compression pumps on my legs and strapped me to the table. Then I fell asleep and woke up with a new chest. I apparently told everyone Cass was my smartest friend, but only to tell him that he was one of my five smartest friends so he wouldn’t get a big head.

My Procedure

I had a buttonhole done, which is similar to a double incision but it retains a pedicle of nipple tissue, which purportedly increases the chance you will retain nipple sensation. So far, I have some feeling in one of my nipples, which is very rare for top surgery. So I guess that is a good sign.

Early Recovery

You will need more help than you think. I had a pretty fast and smooth recovery. Even with that, I really relied on my care partner to help me dress my drains, rebind, etc. I was also really depressed and lonely after surgery, and he being there was really helpful.

Find some activity you can do that feels productive. We played SO MUCH Pokemon Go and Ingress while I recovered. This was fun for both of us!

The pain may be less than you think. You’re coming off of anesthesia when you are recovering, and your pain might feel less intense as a result. Often you don’t need to take as many pain meds as you are given. For me, the most terrible sensation is…

ITCHING

THE ITCHING (FOR ME) IS TERRIBLE. The nurse told me that opiates make the itching worse (!) and it’s also just part of the wound healing process.

When ready, try to walk and move around. It will help you feel better! But don’t overdo it. I walked a little the first and second day, then a whole lot after that.

Make time to sleep and don’t expect to get work done. It’s really hard for me to envision not working, but for once, I was able to get exactly no work done for a few days. For the first two days, I also slept >12 hours at nighttime and with naps.

I may come back to this and add or remove as I keep recovering!

[ibangtanthings]

For You, A House of Cards

It was 5:30 AM. A loud crack of thunder had woken you up.

You didn’t jump awake but a tiny nervousness began to build inside your stomach. It had been meaning to rain for a few days now. The thunder rolled for hours each day but eventually it calmed and now, during your sleep, it decided to come back roaring.

Within seconds lighting flashed across the sky and the rain began to pour. You watched through the blinds for a moment and then rolled around in bed wondering how it was possible for him to stay asleep.

He wasn’t.

Yoongi wasn’t even in bed. You yawned and got up, then turned on the flashlight from your phone to walk through the dark house in search of him.

Now you were really scared because if the thunder were to crack suddenly and loudly again, it would most likely take you by surprise.

As you walked down the stairs, the lightning provided some creepy visibility to the house. You just hoped that the thunder would remain quiet for just a moment. Until you could find him.

He was in the kitchen, hovering over the counter and making coffee. He saw you come in and your eyes met.

“I was making tea so in case you woke up. It should calm down your nerves.” He took a sip from his mug. It probably cost ten dollars more than you would have paid for.

“I’m not scared, the storm just woke me up. I never heard thunder so loud before.”

Suddenly the thunder and lighting roared through the sky again simultaneously, making you take quick steps towards him but you didn’t touch him as you looked towards the windows much too large for your liking.

You didn’t want to be too clingy and lose your dignity. 

Instead, he pulled you towards him as he turned his attention back towards the brewing tea but he lazily wrapped your arms around him.

“I’m not scared.” You repeated, hugging him from behind.

“The entire day you were nervous about the thunder. Now it really hits and you don’t want to admit that you’re scared? I kind of wanted to hold you until you weren’t scared anymore.” He surprisingly admitted.

“I’m scared Yoongi.” You said quietly.

He took your hand and pulled you back upstairs towards the bedroom.

You tucked yourself into him and he kissed your forehead, letting his arm serve as your pillow.

“Go to sleep. This is just one of many storms we’ll have to go through.” He said, taking a deep breath.

You held onto his hand and closed your eyes. It felt so good being in his arms.

 There was something crazy about feeling this happy. Especially since this wasn’t your house, your room, your bed...or his.

“I love you Yoongi.” You smiled for the first time since arriving yesterday. You stifled a laugh as he smothered you with kisses anywhere he could.

Sleep came naturally and quickly. He said you always pouted in your sleep and that it was funny, but it was one of the things he loved about you. He didn’t know that he did the same.

Sometimes you wondered how you could sleep so peacefully in someone else’s home.

Maybe because he always did…….but it didn’t last long, it never did.

“They’re back, we have to go.” He half yelled, shaking you awake.

You jumped up and got dressed quickly, looking for his shoes before you even thought about putting yours on.

“Grab anything.” He said stuffing his bag with jewelry, shoes a different size but worth a pretty penny, cash from underneath the mattress. You grabbed necessities like medicine, shampoo, toothpaste but you didn't forget the heels with the red bottoms.

“Let’s go.” He ordered, and you both ran down the stairs as quickly as possible. The front door opening but the back door closing as you both slipped away and ran towards the car two blocks away.

Breathless and with a massive headache, you started to feel carsick as he sped down the highway swerving through cars left and right.

After a few minutes he slowed down and the nausea began to fade quickly.

As you recalled the last few hours in that beautiful house, you smiled and wondered when you had gotten so soft. When did he get so soft? Living like this, always on the road, you weren’t meant to be soft.

It was tough but at the same time exhilarating. It had been months since you two ran away together. Things had been going fairly well considering you only had a pair of shoes, some clothes and a few hundred dollars every so often for food, gas and liquor stores along the freeway.

Anything else you needed you stole. He was good at it and you were just as good. It was a pleasant surprise how easy it was to find vacant houses, ridiculously cheap motels, quiet neighborhoods with open garage doors, and most of all, easy victims to steal from.

Since you guys weren’t staying in one area, no one would ever catch you. You guys were lovers on the run, taking care of each other and somehow making this life work. It was fun.

“Look what I found.” He said pulling out a handgun from his pocket.

“Shit Yoongi. We don’t need a gun. What if it’s registered?”

“It’s fine. It’s just a precaution.” He handed it over and you placed it inside the glove compartment.

There was a comfortable silence in the car as the traffic began to build and the sun began to rise.

The temperature began to rise as well and suddenly you were sweating.

“Can we get cold water? I’m hot. I don’t want to drink the stupid warm water we have in the back.”

“I’ll pull over at the next place I see. Are you feeling sick?” He asked worriedly.

You opened the window. “I don’t know. I just feel really hot.” You wiped the sweat off your forehead.

He pulled over at a dollar store and usually you were overjoyed knowing that you could buy anything, but right now you needed food and ice cold water.

When you stepped into the store he looked at you with a confused expression on his face.

“Y/N, your cheeks are red hot.” He said taking hold of your hand before walking over to the mirrors in the beauty isle.

Your cheeks looked so red, as if it was winter and the temperature outside had been below freezing.

You touched them and the skin burned underneath your fingertips. “That’s weird. Maybe I am getting sick.”

“Let’s see what kind of medicine they have here. The other night it was cold and you didn’t put on socks like I told you.”

He scanned the labels carefully, all his focus on the words and it bored you just standing there. It didn’t seem necessary to get any medication, much less from a dollar store. From what you saw, there were only painkillers and they probably didn’t even work.

“Let’s just get these, cold and flu aid.” He picked out a small packet of pills.

“Some band-aids might be useful.” You fiddled with the boxes of band-aids that had characters printed on them.

“Yeah. You never know when you’ll get a paper cut.” He teased.

“Haha. So funny Yoongi. Your use of sarcasm is amazing.”

He threw the pills at you and they bounced off your head. You both laughed and he pushed you away when you got closer for payback.

“Go look around. I’ll see what food they have.”

You shook your head and decided to be stubborn. “Not until you kiss me first.”

He turned his attention back to the medications. “You’re sick. I’m not getting sick too.”

“Put a condom in your mouth, you won’t get infected.” You retorted, pretending to be mad but he knew you so well.

He just gave you a gummy smile and threw his arm around you and kissed your cheek. He understood why you didn't want to leave his side. It just felt wrong being apart.

“Put this on.” You took a black snapback off the hook and placed it on his head.

It matched the black of his hoodie and he check himself out in the mirror before turning it around so that it was backwards now.

“You look good.” You smiled, loving the way he looked in all black.

Dressed up or dressed down, if he was in all black you felt your heart flutter for him as if you had just met.

“I think I should buy socks not a snapback.”

“We just stole a bunch of jewelry and stuff. A dollar won’t kill us. Plus you look hot.”

“I’m more than just your eye candy.” He scoffed but he put the hat into the shopping cart anyways.

“Yeah I know, you have feelings apparently.”

Within a few minutes you were walking through the snack isles and he stopped in front of the ‘healthy’ options. You found it cute how he worried about your health to this extent. Surely he would make you eat something as soon as you returned to the car.

“Want to try these dried fruits?” He inspected the ingredients.

“Sugar? Yes please.” You grabbed the bag out of his hands and dunked it into the cart. “Oh and I’m kinda craving some cheese puffs.”

“Cheese puffs? You don’t like cheese flavored chips.”

“I don’t know I just have the appetite for them today. Must be nearing my period.”

He sighed and grabbed a bag of cheese puffs. After looking around some more, you found yourself with a cart full of items that just made you feel normal again.

But he sighed again, taking out the cake mix, the picture frame and the candle you wanted.

“What did we talk about? Don’t get things like this when you know you don’t have a house to place them in. Where exactly are you going to bake a cake?”

“It can wait until we find another place. It’s holiday season after all. Everyone’s on vacation and there’s hundreds of houses just waiting for me to bake a cake in them.” You clutched the box in your hands.

“No. I’ll just buy you a slice of cake okay babe? Come on let’s hurry up. Get some orange juice with pulp, you’ll need some vitamin C if your feeling sick.”

Honestly you didn’t care much for the cake mix or the candle, it was the picture frame that you wanted to keep but you let it go. He was right, you didn’t have a home, not even a camera to take photos with.

When you walked out the doors you felt the cold breeze immediately and it was strange how you didn’t feel it before. Now you really took his suspicions seriously. The reason he was so worried was because your flu and colds lasted four weeks minimum.

When you were in pain he felt just as miserable being unable to help, but a part of you wouldn’t mind getting sick because that’s when he baby’s you the most.

Before, you guys never really showed much affection. You didn’t need to. After going on the road, things changed. The fear of having him taken away from you made you want to be close to him all the time. 

He reached for your hand more often.

Like now. You were just looking out the window enjoying your orange juice when you felt his fingers find yours.

You looked over at him but his eyes never met yours. He just continued driving with one hand and playing with your fingers in the other.

The day went by quickly. The pawn shop that accepted the jewelry gave you guys five hundred dollars which is less than it was worth but you guys were in no position to haggle.

Thankfully it didn’t seem like you were going to get sick. That was until next week, when things started to seem strange.

You called it a new skill, being sensitive to smell. Yoongi thought you caught a bug and you did too. 

It was embarrassing having to vomit almost everyday.

Every time you barfed, it sucked the energy out of you and it made you weak.

Instead of whining about it, you always made sure to walk out of the bathroom as normal as possible so that he wouldn’t worry or notice.

But that was harder to do each time. Today in particular you threw up a second time and as you hung over the toilet seat, tears streamed down your cheeks as you had no more energy left. Your entire body wanted to shut down, to pass out right there on the floor.

After a few ragged breaths you took the toothbrush and toothpaste out from your back pocket, and somehow got up to brush your teeth.

As you turned the faucet off, you leaned against the sink and cried silently. The last thing you wanted to do was cry because you felt bad for yourself. 

You kept telling yourself to stop being such a baby and to hurry it up because Yoongi was waiting.

But then you told yourself he was waiting for nothing in particular. You guys had no place to be.

“Y/N. Are you taking a dump?” He knocked on the door.

You were taking too long and he was nervous about the cameras. Plus this was Walmart, and you were in the family bathroom alone. Some lady could come sooner or later with three kids in tow.

With tired steps to the door, you unlocked it and you couldn’t open the heavy door. He pushed it open you slumped against the wall. He caught you before you could slump down.

“Tell me. Are you hurt?” He touched your cheeks and then your neck to look for your pulse.

“No. I’m exhausted. I just threw up again.” You whimpered.

“Stand up. Come on. I’ll carry you.” He said helping you up.

You latched on him as he carried you away like a child. He didn’t give a damn that everyone was staring. You just closed your eyes and buried your face into his neck.

Laying down in the back seat, you gave him the okay to drive with a small nod. He was going a little past the speed limit from what you could tell but the exhaustion quickly took over. Within a couple of minutes you were dreaming of Neverland.

“How much?”……..“I’ll give you five hundred.”

You opened your eyes to a small room. A motel with a small TV across from you. It was turned on but muted, and the only thing illuminating the room right now. You rolled around to see him on the phone, watching you with concern.

“I’ll give you the address tomorrow.” He said hanging up. “How do you feel?”

“Better.” You stretched and he placed his hand on your forehead, checking for a fever.

“You should eat. Get your strength back.”

“Who was it on the phone?” You looked at the landline and felt an urge to call someone but who? All you had was Yoongi and he was right here.

“A doctor.”

You sat up and looked at him wearily. “Five hundred for a doctor to keep silent? I’m fine.”

“He could give us medication we can’t buy. It will be good to have some in stock in case of an emergency, and you’re not fine. Something’s wrong.”

“If I have the stomach flu then it’s just a matter of time before it goes away. Go heat up the food, I’ll take a quick shower.”

“You want me to leave you, in your condition? What if you faint and die?” He said annoyed.

“Then there’s something less for you to worry about.” You smiled, pinching his cheek but he wasn’t amused.

He grabbed wrist and glared. “I always worry about you. If there’s something wrong you need to tell me, don’t try to be strong for my sake.”

You held onto his hand and reassured him.

“I’m okay. Are you okay?” You asked him softly.

He took a deep breath and nodded.

“What did you think about that house Y/N?” He said brushing some hair away from your face with his fingers.

“It was nice. We should have scoped around the place a little earlier to get more stuff to sell. Maybe fuck around in the bathroom a little. Why?” You giggled.

He finally smirked. “No reason. I’ll go heat up the food, leave the bathroom door unlocked.”

“Always.” You smiled as he shook his head and walked away.

As you looked through your bag, you got your shampoo and conditioner only to do a double take when you saw your pads.

For a moment you forgot what week it was so you looked around for a calendar and found one on the nightstand.

It had been four weeks and nothing. Maybe you were just late.

There was no way that your symptoms pointed to…that….

No way.

The last time….you used protection. This wasn’t possible.

It’s 99.9% effective.

Just your luck that you would be in that tiny margin in which it failed right?

You pregnant? With his baby?

Now?

“What happened there’s no water running?” He said as he walked through the door again.

You had been sitting there the whole time and you quickly got up as your heart raced just hearing his voice.

“No, I was just looking at this calendar. I’ll be quick I promise.” You hurried off to the bathroom.

You didn’t dare look at yourself in the mirror. This wasn’t something to worry about. It was silly. It wasn’t true.

But it was the only thing you could think about now. 

Inside, you already hardened yourself....just in case he reacted badly.

How else could he react?

You didn’t even want this to be true.

“Gourmet pizza, fresh out the microwave.” He placed a slice on a plastic plate and passed it over.

“Smells amazing.” You took a bite.

“We’ll go into the city tomorrow. Is that okay?”

You nodded. “Are we going to do laundry?”

“Yeah.”

It was on of your favorite things to do. It was relaxing, just being at a laundromat silently watching the clothes spin in suds. It was peaceful almost. Who knew it took going into the city to find a peaceful and quiet place. Who knew laundromats would be your favorite place?

After enjoying some quality television for the first time in weeks, maybe months, you guys went to bed. He fell asleep quickly but you had to count sheep.

Nothing could make you stop counting. If you did stop then only one thing would be on your mind. The child that threatened everything you had with Yoongi.

_______________

The clothes were in their spin cycle and Yoongi had jar full of quarters for the vending machines.

Two bags of chocolate covered peanuts later, you got up to return to the vending machine but Yoongi grabbed your arm.

“Enough candy. Too much sugar. You need real food.”

“Yeah like frozen pizza?” You retorted. “This one’s for the road.” You lied.

He sighed and got up to accompany you.

Now he either wanted to pick something better out for you or he was going to get some junk food too.

“Mommy, I want candy.” A little boy about three years old pointed at the snacks behind the shiny glass.

His mother ignored him but it just made him whine.

“Mommy, I want candy. I need some.” He pulled on her shirt.

“Give me a minute.” She said sternly.

He began to cry and stomp his little feet on the floor. “'Mommy!”

Yoongi’s selection of chips and sour gummies dropped to the opening of the vending machine and it was your turn.

But the child kept crying and you tried really hard not to look at him. Punching in the code, your new bag of chocolates dropped down and you bent down to take them out.

The cries turned into screams as he told his mother that he wanted candy now. She continued to ignore him. 

“Hey. You can have mine. If that’s okay?” You held the small bag out.

The child ran up to you and smiled as he took the candy from your hands and quickly hid behind his mother.

“That wasn’t necessary. Next time mind your own business please.” His mother snapped.

“Next time pay attention to your fucking kid.” Yoongi replied, pulling you away.

She stood there, stunned, and you would have giggled but Yoongi was mad.

“Who the hell does she think she is talking to you like that? You shouldn’t have given that kid anything, he was acting like a brat. He’s just like his mother.”

“He’s just a kid. I felt bad for him.” You shrugged.

“And when did you get so fucking soft? Over a kid? I only feel bad that he has a mother like that. I’m more worried about us.” He said putting the clothes in the dry machine.

“You’re selfish Yoongi. Maybe you just forgot what it means to feel bad for someone.” You opened his treats and sat down on the folding table.

He stood between your legs and narrowed his eyes at you. “How can you can me selfish when I just stood up for you?”

“You didn’t have to, you know that.” You ran a hand through his hair.

“Exactly. I love you, I’m not selfish.” He said taking the candy form your hands.

You got down to get the last load of wet clothes and put them to dry, then sat down next to him and stared at the muted television.

“Why are you worried about us?” You asked, resisting the urge to rest your head on his shoulder.

“I don’t know. I just feel like we’re not going anywhere.”

“Wasn’t that the plan?”

He turned to look at you. “You saw those pictures in that house, that couple with everything. A family, vacations in the summers, golf weekends, don’t you want that?”

“Do you? I like being on the road with you. It feels like one big extended vacation. We weren’t born with luck Yoongi, I doubt we can ever live like that. I don’t mind either, I just need you. If you feel bad because we can’t have that then you’re the one going soft.”

“So if a good looking guy offers that kind of life to you right now, you won’t take it?”

You smirked and looked back at the television. “Shut up Yoongi. Do you want me to leave is that it? Is this one of your twisted plans to get me to leave you?”

He suddenly turned your face back towards him, placing a a quick kiss on your lips. “I’d kill before I let anyone take you.”

“I would kill for you too.” You said kissing him again.

You liked it when he was a little rough but he loved it when you were gentle. It was almost like teasing him.

“We’re in a laundromat Y/N. There’s kids here.” He said pulling away with a kiss on your cheek.

Kids….you remembered your pending worry.

“I’m glad you’re not sick anymore. I was worried.” He said returning his attention to the muted screen.

You wrapped your arms around him and leaned into his body.

“I know. I hate being sick for weeks. It just slows us down.”

“Yeah and you never want to fuck.”

You gasped and smacked his chest, giggling and hoping no one else heard his complains.

But the more you thought about it you realized that you didn’t want to have sex……just as precaution.

And the way he reacted to that incident with the kid, it wasn’t a good sign either.

You feared that he would be furious now.

Would he be?

He was talking about that couple and their family. They had pictures everywhere, all around that stupid house. Was Yoongi envious? It was hard to believe. Maybe it was just a moment of insecurity. It wasn’t like him to worry about the future.

There was no point to all this struggling but you and Yoongi made a pact to live life carelessly, passionately, without regrets and now he was starting to sound regretful.

“Yoongi do you think going on the road was a bad idea?….Do you think we made a mistake?”

He threw the towel he was folding at you. “Don’t worry about it Y/N. I just want you to be happy. Whether we ride or die, or not. I want to give you everything. So if you want something, you’ll tell me. Right?”

“I want some more chocolate.”

“For fucks sake, here.” He laughed as he handed over some quarters. You felt thrilled hearing him laugh out loud.

“Thanks babe, I love you.” You yelled as you walked towards the vending machine once again, making sure everyone heard.

Even if it embarrassed him, you wanted to make sure he knew.

If your worries were true, you hoped he remembered that. This wasn’t something you expected.

______

Part 2

[csadler58-blog]

Ups and Downs

I have always been one to react to traumatic situations differently. I have a tendency to act fine in the beginning and then all the sudden days, weeks, even months later, I break down and it’s never pretty. For the first 6 months-1 year of having diabetes, I did AWESOME! Always checked my sugars, (4 times a day) ate breakfast, lunch, dinner and all my snacks at the same time every day, and always counted and measured EVERYTHING. My mom was more than I could have ever asked for in a parent. She got up early every morning before work and school and made me breakfast. Measured my cereal, milk, juice, fruit, all of it. She packed my lunches, and always cooked my dinners in the same manner. I learned from the beginning to do my own shots. (My mom was terrified of needles, she even took a class for new diabetic parents where they had to check their sugars and take saline shots for I think it was a week, and she would start sweating and shaking every time. 😂) So not only was I taking on the responsibility of the disease in itself, but I was always in charge of giving my own meds. In retrospect, it was a lot to take on at such a young age, and I should have let more people help me, but I was super stubborn lol. It’s a blessing and a curse! So anyway, about a year passes and I officially got into middle school. (I was in 6th grade when I was diagnosed and turned 12 the next January after the hospital stay.) With the stresses of middle school, sports, hormones, and also the fact that I was getting a new sibling, (yay!!!) I lost it. I started getting very angry and depressed, although at the time I didn’t know what was going on. One day at school, I just completely lost my marbles and drew a line on my wrist with red marker and said when I got home, that was what I was going to do. That was the beginning of my mental illness. I spent about a week in OSU Harding Hospital, which to most would be called the looney bin. 😂 I was diagnosed with major depression, ADD, and borderline personality disorder, which was later just dropped to major depressive disorder over the years. I later developed a hair pulling anxiety disorder called trichotellamania and it caused me a lot of problems in high school because at a certain time I had no hair on the top of my head and I had also pulled out all my eyelashes on the top and bottom and my eyebrows as well. I wore scarves to cover my head and even had to get special permission from the principal because student weren’t aloud to wear anything on their heads unless it was for religious purposes. (This mostly pertained to Muslim and Arab girls who wore the scarves around their faces and heads to cover their hair.) It was a really hard time in my life and I was put on a lot of different medications. Depokote for mood swings, Prozac for the depression, Anafranil for anxiety and Concerta for concentration. After a year I was taken off Prozac and was put on Zoloft, which is the only one of these meds I still take now.

That was the first of 3 different hospitalizations at Harding Hospital. It was around that first hospitalization that I really started to neglect my sugars. I also ended up being diagnosed with hypertension at age 14 and was put on Lisinopril. It was like pulling teeth getting me to check my sugars, to take my insulin and also to take my pills. One thing I remember vividly from my childhood was my moms voice screaming, “TAKE YOUR PILLS!!!” 😂 I would even make up sugars and just write them down in my log book right before my appts with Doctor Sotos so I wouldn’t get yelled at. 😳🙄 When my a1c blood work would come back, they would know I was lying. This would eventually cause Doctor Sotos to drop me as his patient when I was 18 for noncompliance. It would later be one of the biggest regrets of my life losing him as an endocrinologist, as I never again found one I liked as well as him. The more I was asked to take care of myself, the more I wouldn’t. This behavior put me in the regular hospital, OFTEN. In middle and high school, it wasn’t so bad up until 11-12th grade. But all throughout school, I used my diabetes as an excuse to get away with EVERYTHING. Always getting out of class, used it to borrow money from people all the time to get snacks I didn’t need to have, to get out of marching when I was in band.. you name it, I did it. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. My mom was very strict with me but her and I had a very tumultuous relationship when I was teenager. Whatever she asked or told me to do, I did the exact opposite just to spite her. We fought constantly and every single day I regret all the things I’ve put her through. I was very mean, and hateful to EVERYONE except the people that didn’t matter. It was an awful time for me. When I was 18 I quit school and also quit my meds including my insulin on most days. I do believe that was the year I was hospitalized every single month of the year with diabetic ketoacidosis. Ketoacidosis is something that people with diabetes get when they have long term bouts of high blood sugars. It causes flu like symptoms which include fevers, dehydration, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. (TMI I KNOW, but necessary and important in the story. Deal with it 😂) When I was 19, that’s when I started drinking pretty heavily. I also ended up pregnant with my son Aden that year. I was a high risk pregnancy both because of my diabetes and because of my hypertension, so I should have been going to a specialized doctor every two weeks. I NEVER went to the doctor. I had a lot of complications, including bleeding, I also caught pneumonia and my sugars continued to be all over the place. Everyone in my family was getting fed up.

At 20 years old, I was 5 months pregnant and still completely in denial that I needed to grow up. My mom and I had a huge fight (I don’t remember what it was over) and she gave me an ultimatum. She said I needed to either get a job and start taking care of myself for me and my child, or I needed to leave. I was so hard headed, that I told her I would rather live in a shelter than listen to anything she said to me- so that’s exactly what I did. I only ended up there for about a week, maybe 10 days, and then I got a bus pass and road to my moms work, and BEGGED her to take me back in. I swore I would change and that I would do the right thing. Little did I know, the damage had been done. I never got a job, although I filled an application or two out on occasion to keep my family off my back. On May 7, 2008 I went into labor with my son, and it was the worst experience of my life, even worse than being on dialysis or having to get a transplant. I have expressed my sorrow before to others and on social media, and I know for a long time people didn’t believe I was truly pregnant or had a child because of how secretive I was about the whole thing. There were reasons for that in which I will not elaborate on, but it was real, and the pain I felt, the tears I shed and the loss I experienced were not imagined or made up. I was in ketoacidosis when I got to the hospital, and so when I went into ICU and I had been stabilized, and taken to the maternity floor, they couldn’t find a heartbeat for the baby. When I saw the still, silent screen and they told me the reality I never imagined I’d have to face, I had never and probably will never feel that type of emptiness again. My heart sank to my feet, and I just sat there with tears streaming down my still, emotionless face. The image of that screen will forever be burned into my brain. On May 8, I delivered my stillborn son, Aden Bryce Sadler. I held him in my arms for quite some time after all was said and done. I have never talked about the things I said to my son that day or what I am going to describe next TO ANYONE, but I feel it’s time. Part of the reason I’m doing this blog is because I need to get everything out and forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made. Everything I’ve done, wrong and right has brought me to where I am and no matter which angle you look from, I’m blessed to be alive and considering my situation, things could be a lot worse. DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU ARE EASILY EMOTIONAL, AS I CRIED WRITING THIS.. They wrapped him in a little blue and white stripped blanket, with a blue hat. I remember the color of his poor lifeless face and the hat were almost the same. He had my lips and the shape of my eyes, with long eyelashes just like mine. Dark hair that poked out of the sides of his hat, but only wavy, not ringlets like I had when I was born. He had his fathers nose, and big ol’ head, haha. I had never seen a creature so beautiful and I’d never felt so much love and so much sadness at the same time. I couldn’t tell you how many times I kissed him and rocked him close to my body, as I knew it would be the first and last time I ever would. All I could say in that moment where time stood still was this, “I’m so sorry, I love you so much. I’m so so sorry.” I just kept repeating it over and over again. The nurse came in and told me it was time. It felt like it had only been a moment and she practically had to pry him from me. I cried until I had no more tears, so long and hard that I dry heaved a few times. The worst part about it, was that I was completely alone. I was completely alone and the reason was because I pushed everyone away and locked them all out. For the first time I realized how wrong I had been, but I had too much pride to admit it. I went on for the next two months like nothing was wrong, until I got sick, and this time a simple hospital stay wouldn’t cut it. This was the first time I hit rock bottom.

[aleksandr-is-probably-gay-blog]

James x Reader // Ein Baby

"Oh, Y/N, I think Ein Baby is sick. She's been sleeping all day and her ears aren't even perking up when I call her name." He sighs. You can hear the worry in his voice as you sit on the couch next to him, wrapping your arm tightly around his shoulders.

"Baby, I'm sure she's going to be okay. We can drop her by the vet this morning. I'll call right now." You reply. He nods his head. You kiss his temple before sliding on the screen and unlocking your phone, quickly looking up the number to the nearest veterinarians office. As soon as you spot it, you dial the number and wait for someone to pick up.

Once they answer, you explain what has been going on with Ein and also point out that she hasn't been eating a whole lot. The assistant tells you to bring her in and they'll examine her, although it can't be more than the flu. "Dogs can get that too!" She assured you.

You click the phone off as you hang up and inform your year-long boyfriend (and Ein's father) of what's going to happen. You sit back on the couch next to a panicking James and open your arm, allowing him to cuddle into your side and on your chest. You play with his hair, trying to help calm him down.

"The vet will check her out later today. They said it may just be the flu, but to check just in case. She's going to be okay, Jammie. I promise." You say, making his brown eyes meet yours. You smile, trying to reassure him.

He plants a kiss along your jaw, for that's all he can reach. You let out a small giggle; that was ticklish for some reason on you. He hears your giggle and uses this as a distraction to continue tickling you.

"James!"

"Stop it!"

"Jame-haha-stop it!"

Echoed around the apartment as he rolled on top of you, continuing his attack. He stops as you both make eye contact with each other. He looks genuinely happy in this moment.

He plants a kiss on your lips in a swift movement. This kiss was full of love. These were your favorite type of kisses.

After a few moments you break apart from hearing Ein yak up some of what little she ate previously. Worry fills both of your faces as you both jump up and rush over to her. "She looks miserable." You mutter, looking at her with sadness as if she were your own child.

Not to say she wasn't. She basically was the only kid you and James had together. She was yours and his and you loved her with every fiber of your being. You spoiled her like she was your daughter and she loved it.

"I'll clean this up and you get her ready for the vet." You say, getting some paper towels and disinfectant.

You clean up the mess as James gets her collar and some treats for being a good girl.

You toss the mess of paper towels away and disinfect the area before helping her and James to the car and allowing James to drive to the office. As he parks, Ein lets out a small whimper. She knows where she's at.

You approach the receptionist, and most likely the woman You spoke to earlier. "Hi, my dog has been sick most of the week. She vomited about 15 minutes ago. That's a first. She hasn't been eating and she looks miserable." You inform her.

"Okay. We'll get her back immediately. You have kept her fluids up, correct?" She asks.

"We've tried the best we can, but she's just been so out of it; it's hard." You reply, sighing.

"I'll just need some information on her and you, then you can be on your way to the back." She says. You nod and give her the information she asks for, looking at James and her every so often to make sure you were correct.

"Thank you. Take a seat and we'll call her back as soon as possible." She smiles at you.

You sit in the empty seat next to James and you both sprawl Ein across your laps, petting her favorite spot: behind the ears. "You'll be okay, baby. I promise." You say, stroking her fur.

After a few moments, they call you call back into the office. They run some tests on the dog.

After what felt like hours of anxious waiting, the doctor returns.

"She just has a little virus, that's all. We will put her on an antibiotic for the next two weeks and she should feel better in no time." The doctor says. You and James jump out of the chairs you were sitting in, hollering with joy. At least she isn't terribly sick.

The doctor discharges you with the medicine and you all drive home. You settle Ein in and give her the first dose of medicine.

She fights you. "Ein, come on. This will make you feel better." You beg. She turns her nose away. You sigh.

"Ein, you know you'll feel better. Please take your medicine." You keep begging, but to no avail. James walks in, grabs the pill from your hand and coaxes Ein over to him.

"Baby, take this. You'll feel better and you can play around again. Please?" He begins to beg. She take it from him no problem.

Suddenly, playful jealously fills you and your jaw drops. "How dare she?!" You question, jokingly. James is petting her and she's smiling, her small tail wagging back and forth.

"I'm her favorite. We all know this." James says, letting her crawl into his lap and almost fall asleep instantly. You pout. "Don't worry, Y/N. you're still my favorite." He smiles.

"Damn, I better be." You reply, cuddling up to his side. You may be sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, but anywhere with James was comfortable. You loved being in the vicinity of him and just thinking about him could put you at ease. You really loved this man.

You take your turn petting Ein. Petting her soft fur lulls you to sleep. You sigh and drift off tucked into James' side.

"You make a good dog mommy/daddy," He says. "Maybe you'll make a good kid mommy/daddy too, one day."

You smile with him. "Maybe..."

[embracingmybraces]

Saturday: Behold, a photo of me awkwardly smiling with my new temporary upper essix retainer and trying to test if I was in the frame.

Post-Bone Graft Update: Detailed Version

This is sort of a two week update while my video exports, but technically tomorrow is the official day. I have a love/hate relationship with uploading videos... I can’t believe a 10 minute video takes 5hrs to encode. I can’t guarantee it’ll be uploaded anytime soon and this was filmed on Saturday, but while I sort that out, this will be about my experience with the surgery, healing, lessons I’ve learned (tips/self-esteem), and updates from my prosthodontist and orthodontist.

This will also sum up my vlog from last week.

For those of you who are new, I have a missing front tooth and I got bone taken from my chin (in between my teeth and lips) to be placed in the gap on my upper arch. This video explains it all.

PHOTOS will be added later on.

SURGERY PREPARATIONS

My surgery was at 8am on Tuesday, May 9th.

The day before, I picked up my medication which included 7 pills: antibiotics, several pain killers, and decadron (for swelling?) which I took 2 hours before my surgery. I was advised not to eat or drink anything 8 hours prior to, so I used as very little water to wash down the pills. God, they almost got stuck in my throat.

I took public transit by myself to my prosthodontist’s office, which was an hour away. I remembered feeling a bit out of it on my way there, which I’d blame on the medication but it helped with being less nervous (jokes, I was still very nervous).

I was advised to wear a short sleeved T-shirt going in and no face makeup. They then outfitted me with this scrub to protect my clothing and I had to wear a hair net. I was also given mouthwash beforehand.

SEDATION – I had a separate doctor, who specialized in sedation, come in. He asked to what degree did I want to be “sedated”. Ultimately, sedation affects your memory, but I did not want to be awake at all, so I asked him to put me right out haha.

The insertion of the IV was definitely the most unpleasant for me.

I’ve never had blood work done, but I’ve had flu shots and lots of local anaesthesia done, so I didn’t think it’d be an issue. However, I was pretty nervous and I just reminded myself to take deep breaths while I felt the needle go into my vein. The pinch wasn’t bad but the thought and feeling of the needle’s presence and having it taped was what bothered me the most and I might have shed a fear tear drops...

The medication then got screwed into my IV and I just remembered feeling calmer as time passed and before long, the needle didn’t feel like anything and I eventually dosed off (I don’t even remember when I did).

SURGERY – I wasn’t awake for any of it. No recollection. I just remembered waking up and noticing everyone was cleaning up around me and that I had the IV removed beforehand was band-aided up on my hand and the inner bend of my arm. No pain either. I just knew my lips were numb because I couldn’t close it properly and I was given gauze for my upper and bottom lips.

Getting up, I was a bit disoriented and needed assistance but only momentarily.

Afterwards, I was given an envelope of medication (same kinds that I took before the surgery) and my parents drove us home.

FIRST 24 HRS – The sedation didn’t really affect me all day like I was told. I did ice my chin immediately and it took a while before my upper lip felt “normal” (e.g., when the numbness wears off and your lip no longer closes funny).

It did take me 2 hours to eat my food because I couldn’t open my mouth wide and the rest of my face just felt very swollen. I stopped bleeding shortly after and didn’t need to use gauze for the rest of the healing.

Sleeping on an elevated pillow helped but my face did feel very “heavy” whenever I would bend down.

Lots of salt water rinses as I couldn’t brush my teeth.

HEALING – Generally, I didn’t have much facial mobility for the whole week+ I couldn’t open my mouth wide or smile and laugh as it pulled on the sutures. I described it as my face being very “stiff”. No drinking from straws or exercising, at all.

My bottom lip was numb and tingly until maybe 1.5 weeks in. Smiling naturally occurs around the same time frame. I still can’t frown or pout though - I blame that on the sutures. But, I can do double chins for Snapchat 8)

My bottom teeth has no feeling currently and this will last a maximum of 6 months before the feeling returns.

Currently, I still find it a bit straining to naturally close my lips. Perhaps after the stitches are taken out it may get better. A few pieces of the stitches did come out this week.

Expect to book off 1 week from any activities or work, unless you don’t mind going out with a swollen face. I could work on my computer, edit videos, make food, walk in the mall and take public transit later in the week. 

 SWELLING – It was definitely got worse on the 4-5th day, but after that it gradually went down.

MEDICATION – I have to take antibiotics until they are finished. I did not take the extra strength pain killer, but I did continue to take pain killers consecutively after each meal for the next three days and on and off throughout the week for good measure/peace of mind.

BRUISING – I believe my face showed visible bruises on both sides near my lips on the 5th day and gradually got more prominent before it went away I’d say, close to 4 days later.

Where I had my IV also bruised. The one on my hand hurt when pressed, but my face and inner arm was fine.

PAIN – Not really “painful” or excruciating per say, but it felt like I had a canker sore on my bottom lip if I didn’t take my painkillers and it was just uncomfortable... Much like how it feels when you get your braces tightened and your teeth are “sore”.

On and off I may feel light headed if I exert too much energy, so I kept myself hydrated and lounged around to resolve that. In the vlog, cooking was probably the most labour intensive thing I did.

RETAINER – Yeah, I didn’t wear it the whole week :S I’m not sure what could’ve been done differently. Yes, the fake tooth on my retainer was altered to not touch the gums but I had forgotten to check until later in the week. For some reason I didn’t think they did anything to it? 

The post-surgery care sheet said not to wear any prosthetics as it may affect the healing. That being said, my orthodontist also said it might not have been good to wear it as my gums would be quite swollen and that I should’ve made an appointment earlier a few days after the surgery to get a new temporary fitted.

My teeth did close in a bit into my gap, so my hawley retainer is tight but I didn’t want to force it in while the stitches were still tender.

I got a new temporary essix retainer on Thursday, May 18th with resin added as the “fake tooth” which isn’t the best craftsmanship... The colour does not match at all and it sticks out slightly so I look like I have a buck tooth.

It holds my teeth for now, so I can’t complain too much. It did cost $50. More add ons to my bill :( BUT now I have two matching pairs, two essix (upper and lower), and the same for hawley. At least now, from far it doesn’t look like I still have braces on as it’s just a clear tray.

ALSO, IF ANYONE HAD A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE WITH THEIR RETAINER, PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU DID. I feel like we could all learn from this.

DIET – LOTS OF FRUIT/SMOOTHIES/VEGETABLES/SOFT PROTEIN. 

Kale and Lentil Curry Soup. Congee. Scrambled eggs. I had Pork Bone soup and Korean side dishes, the spiciness was not a problem. Baked fish, sweet potato, cereal... sautéed greens, soggy bread.

Tbh I ate more solids later in the week as I could still chew with my back teeth. Anything in small pieces. After the first week, you can even attempt lightly toasted bread but just be careful and allow yourself the extra time to chew.

TIPS

IF YOU HAVE A RETAINER, MAKE SURE YOU GET THAT SITUATION SORTED OUT FIRST.

Drink lots of water!

Grocery shop before! Look up recipes for soft foods, soups, etc. have fruit to puree so you can still have nutritious food while you are healing. No ice cream or much junk food for me (other than cereal)

A blender in any form is your best friend :) or be patient and cut into smaller pieces. Of course, this depends on where your surgery site is.

Mason jars or tupperware to portion your food also helps

Have movies to watch, low energy activities to do, or friends who you won’t mind to see your swollen face. It helps the time pass.

Boil an egg with the shell on, wrap it in a cloth, and rub it on your bruise to help it heal faster

MOST IMPORTANT LESSON LEARNED –

COMMUNICATE! COORDINATE! With those who are in charge of your braces/surgery. Write down concerns you have as you will forget something important and ASK AWAY. Or write down instructions too! I won’t blame anyone for the retainer situation, as we are all human and sometimes little details get forgotten, but sometimes these are also crucial and it might be best to take matters into your own hands. If your orthodontist or prosthodontist does not coordinate with each other, you should remind them to or initiate it (which I didn’t). The more clarity you have, the less miscommunication or misunderstandings there are and it will cost you less if you don’t have to fix things. I am glad that my prosthodontist’s office called to check on me for the first few days, as I was also able to ask them questions right then.

SELF-ESTEEM – I had my retainer in probably 90% of the time these past 4 months since I’ve had my braces off. I loved how ‘normal’ I looked with a full set of teeth, and I would only take out my retainer when I am eating, but sometimes I felt reluctant to do so with friends who I am not close with or in front of strangers. By myself in a restaurant, I didn’t care so much. Oddly enough, I still feel self conscious, despite having a gap for 3 years... but back then I had all this hardware to hide behind. Note: I will do a video/post on this topic soon! But this week+, living without my retainer made me get used to how I look au natural. I also couldn’t wear makeup, so that helped too! In fact, going outside without my retainer, I probably look like I got into a bad fist fight with my bruises and lost a tooth in the process hahah. But whatever, I embraced it. My friends embraced it.  In short, people may look confused, but it wasn’t a big deal. I had to explain to my co-workers what was happening but afterwards they were very understanding. 

Thank you so much for making it here - please continue to send me your questions and comments :) I love reading them.

Until next time!

Thursday, May 25th - PROSTHODONTIST FOLLOW UP (for real this time)

Saturday, June 3rd - ORTHODONTIST RETAINER CHECK UP

[pansexualbatgirl-blog]

So like. Some people were kinda confused by the scattered posts and talking from my mutuals bout my new medical issues so I’m just going to quickly explain stuff here rather than to everyone individually. Anyways below this is my horror story of my gallbladder so far. No I did not have surgery yet but I’m scheduling stuff tomorrow when their office is open from the holidays. I’m alright now but occasionally still in pain and have been p much forced onto a diet.

Anyways without further ado, have the extended story of how 2016 fucked me up one more time right at the end. Anyways, I’m avoiding the majority of the gross details (the worst being probably my ultrasound and the pain which was bad)

My gallbladder got infected AND has gallstones (which is like a complicated thing im not gonna explain but long story short: OW) which happened some time just before christmas (the infection part).

Anyways I thought I had the flu the day after so I was tryna rest and stuff but all day on the 26th and 27th I was sick super bad and wasn’t able to eat. and on the 28th i was STILL sick superbad but the pain i thought was just the flu had just gotten super intense. And by that I mean when my moms boyfriend drove me to the hospital I cried at every bump. I was in so much pain it had just taken over my whole stomach and made it hard to walk and move and do anything p much (which was why I had been going to the hospital)

So anyways my mom had work in the morning and so did her boyfriend so nobody was able to stay there with me (and hospitals terrify me, for the record). So anyways I finally get to a room in emerge and the doctor comes in and THANK GOD it had been long enough for the initial tests to come in so I didn’t have to tell them I was a virgin and therefore Not Pregnant 30 billion times (because as a girl going to the hospital for stomach issues, thats their first thought). So he has me lay on my back and then starts pressing on my stomach and I screamed really loud and was caught between shaking and holding still because it hurt so bad i didnt want to move but like. He kept pressing on different places trying to find out where the pain was worst and it was on the right side (which I couldn’t really tell before since it had p much taken over half my body) which is Bad. Like, pain in the right side of your stomach is bad and they thought it was my appendix maybe so I got told I was going to get an xray and an ultrasound.

Which freaked me out.

So after he left the room my nurse came in and told me that it’d only be a few more minutes and then I was having a small anxiety attack so she helped talk me through some questions I had about the type of ultrasound the doctor had planned (bc it was originally gonna be one of the insert-smth-in-your-body ones) and told her I had anxiety issues (which will come up again later). Anyways she explained things in a way that made me feel less scared and then told me it would be painless and how it worked and made sure I was ok before going.

A few minutes later a guy comes in and puts the thing they put IVs in you into my arm and then injected me with morphine and some fluids and then walked me down to wait for my xray (which was so fucking painful lemme tell you. hes lucky the drugs were good or id have passed out by then but again: anxiety. I was too scared to ask for a wheelchair to go there).

So then they do my x-ray and the lady walked me to the ultrasound room. Not sure why (either from dehydration or because the nurse told them i was anxious about the other type) but I got the normal type of ultrasound. Which, idk if all of you have gotten one before, but theyre generally painless. Generally. They coat your belly in gel and then rub it with this thing that shows them your stomach-- painless. And by then the screeching roar of pain had dulled down a bit. Enough for it to only hurt in some places rather than all.

Anyways, she starts and I start crying right away. Like not moving, but tears everywhere. She had to guide my breathing the whole time (okay hun I need you to breathe. deep breath and hold it. okay now breathe, i know it hurts im sorry) and like I don’t know how long I was in there but it felt like forever and I was just in SO much pain the whole time even with the morphine in me.

Anyways bless her soul when she realized I had walked there she just “haha fuck that no i am wheeling you back you are not walking” only more polite and like when I answered I had walked she had this “im going to kill someone on your behalf” look on her face. So yeah she wheeled me back and told me she couldnt tell me about what she had seen on the thing (as they send it to a professional to get the reading) but she had a worried look which left me super anxious.

Ten-ish minutes not even later, the doctor comes back in, along with the nurse. He tells me that theyre admitting me and that it’s my gallbladder. He mentions its infected and my mind just goes blank with terror because when my mom had her gallbladder out it got infected amd she almost died. And at that time it didnt matter that my older sister and like two or three of my aunts had gotten theirs out with no problems, my mind just went straight to “oh my god I am going to die immediately there is no hope Im going to die alone right here in this room”. And the doctor is a bit patronizing and keeps asking me if I understand whats going on and what hes telling me and I just keep nodding and saying yeah and he left me with the nurse to go over the other stuff and I lost it. Like I had asked if I could call my mom (who I knew would understand WHY my anxiety attack had turned to a panic attack) and the nurse had been about to say that she had to go over some medical stuff first but when I broke down she quickly (bless her soul) got me my phone and let me call my mom right away (because again, I was alone at the hospital).

So yeah Im full blown panic mode and I get my mom on the phone and I barely get out “mom its my gallbladder” before i can no longer talk because I’m having trouble breathing. So my moms talking and asking me things (trying to see how bad it is) and I just am having trouble keeping up the conversation because I’m crying so hard so the nurse offers to talk to her and explains what all is going on to my mom for me properly and how bad it is (again, bless this ER nurse because she’s literally my hero). So my mom had mentioned “yeah when I had mine out I almost died from an infection” and my nurse just “yeaahhh lets not tell her that” but the thing is I already knew it was one of the scariest parts of my life and my mom said that and she kinda got how bad it was. Anyways so she gives my phone back and left to go get me something for my anxiety and my mom is telling me to call her if anything comes up and I knew she had to work in the morning so I’m trying to be calmer (because my mom needs p much all the hours that she gets, our family never has had too much money) and I went to ask if she could have her boyfriend or my sister or aunt or someone come sit with me the next day and my voice broke and it was a big sobfest and she just “I’m going to call in right now and drive up there” and Im trying to tell her not to but she just “I wouldnt be able to work with you there alone ANYWAYS” and stayed on with me while she was getting ready then when the nurse came back let me go so she could call her work (it’s community living so theres someone there 24 hours a day to answer, but either way its like one in the morning)

So the nurse brought me a pill for anxiety and chilled with me until it was time to send me up and ALSO had the pill ordered for the floor I was on so Id be able to have one if I had another attack. Now, like taking care of patients is one thing but she was an honest to god angel okay. Like she went way above and beyond what she needed to do and was super kind the whole time and even helped me pack up the little bit of stuff I had. Like good nurses in my hospital arent anything new but she was incredible and I can’t express that enough.

anyways when I’m up in the room they let me wait for my mom to get there (I was put in the old ppl ward because it had the first bed open on that floor, since it shares one with OB). When my mom got there they went over stuff with her and they said they’d know by morning if I was responding well enough to anti-biotics or if I needed an emergency surgery (which wouldve meant the inflamation/infection was very, VERY bad and not getting better). By then Ive mellowed out because morphine + anxiety medication = the highest Jean you ever did see. So I sign some papers and my mom asks more questions and then the nurse leaves (again, I was super high on the crap they gave me so I don’t really remember this part too clearly). But my mom stayed with me until I was falling asleep then gave me a hug and kissed and promised to be back in the morning when the surgeon would make the call.

Morning comes and I wake up and I woke up in too much pain to even try moving enough to hit the red page-y button for a good few minutes. Anyways when I do they bring me pain meds and they take a little while to kick in (as it was oral ones and not morphine this time) but kick in they did and by the time my mom got there (like half an hour later, its a 20ish minute drive from her place) I was very much high again (albeit still in pain).

So we wait for FOREVER for the doctor to come in and I get the news that I don’t need surgery right away but DO still need it. Annnnddd then I’m told Im spending another night there which was blah. I was also told that I wasnt allowed to eat or drink anything and that I’d be on antibiotics and fluids through my arm since they had to flush out my system or whatever.

She sat with me most of the day and chatted with the older lady’s son who was my moms age nd really nice to me even tho i spent most of the day half asleep nd full of painmeds. Anyways aroundlike 2ish? they took me to another room with a new nurse (this one in OB where I was supposed to be) and the guy wished me good luck and joked around bout how they’d loan me a wheelchair because his mom had like 4 different varieties in there ok. So in OB I had my own room and it was super big and the bed was super comfy,

Anyways my mom had to leave and let her dogs out and take care of my animals at my place so I laid there and napped off and on between pain meds and messaged some people and such. I kept dozing off on everyone though and needing to take breaks from talking and honestly theres not much to tall about this part. I slept and slept and my mom came back later and brought me a colouring book, a change of clothes, toothpaste nd toothbrush. Whcih is important because the morphine made my mouth taste gross and I wasnt allowed to have water even. Toothpaste with a gross mouth is a blessing. Boi, the things you appreciate when in the hospital lemme tell you.

Anyways I had to stay another night, this one less eventful and with less pain. I slept the whole thing nd in the morning I was feeling good enough to get up without pain meds (which i didnt need the rest of the day either woohoo). And my appetite came back (I hasn’t eaten since christmas night and even then, not that much as i didnt want food really. I hadn’t really been eating much at all that day or the couple before it) which was both good and bad... good because it meant I was getting better and bad because I was FUCKING HUNGRY OH MY GOD. But I had been dying for a drink since the day before so when later that day one of the peeps came in with apple juice and ice water I was so happy. When I was able to handle that ok I got a liquid lunch (jello, a popsicle nd broth and MORE APPLEJUICE!!!) and it was good. I got discharged not long after nd then got to go home after getting antibiotics nd pain pills.

So now the plan is to book a follow up tomorrow (since the office was closed due to the holidays) and then i go in for surgery round the middle of february. Which means I’ll probably be in the hospital on my birthday which is, you know, wonderful. Although the bright side is I’ll probably get pity presents. Maybe I’ll get a pity party. BUT I’M NO LONGER ALLOWED CAKE SO IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER.

Like I’m not on an as-little-fat-as-possible diet until its out since fattty stuff will iritate/inflame it again. I also have to avoid sugar or eating a lot at once so. Bright side I’ll probably lose the weight ive been trying to get off downside i cant eat fucking anything and i hate everything 60% of the time.

But ya that’s my story if you read this far ilu nd thanks for listening to me bitch