#just my personal introject perspective lol

[ashleys-coffin]

Self shipping in tcoaal is so funny

We are NOT gonna fuck you lmao

[system-of-a-feather]

I'm glad you're going hogwild on Bleach rn. It was also a major part of our childhood and development, and I feel like there's still a ton to get out of it, even from an older perspective. (Not trying to sound uppity or anything, I really love Bleach.)

What do you think about the idea of Ichigo as a CDD allegory? I don't think he was written with that in mind, but reading through the manga, there are a lot of scenes that make me go "hmMMMMMM."

(Never watched the anime, lol. Manga-only)

Funny you should ask that question. I have actually already made a very important post on the topic of Ichigo as a CDD allegory. /hj

Honestly though, I think its one of my favorite "not intentionally a CDD but very relatable as someone with a CDD". Like I'd have to get further into TYBW and later cause I know they expand and drop some lore secrets about the dynamic of the part (I was gonna edit that to be more accurate to the world context of Bleach but I felt that term is telling about how I feel about the allegory XD) that make up Ichigo's soul and shit.

I know a lot of what is revealed because as good as I obstained from a lot of spoilers, I actually heard a rumor that Hollow Ichigo isn't seen after the Aizen-Karakura town arc and I was so distraught at that that I let it be something I got spoiled on before it was announced that it would continue. At the time, I thought it upset me cause I thought the hollow stuff was cool, but that reasoning didn't really make sense to me because I was actually like *sad* in a "no thats not fair or right, hollow ichigo deserves to live too" which in hindsight, I realize was probably some not-entirely subconscious "no don't just delete and erase the existance of a part of yourself!!! You should make friends with them and make them your best ally!!! I want to see more HIchi and Ichigo interact ;w;"

and also

like

lowkey I had a Hollow Ichigo introject in my head that I didn't know about for the longest time so it was probably pretty personal

But personal shit aside, I honestly really do like it. I mean to some level - especially early in the series - its a lot of "oooooh spooky evil alter" vibes, but honest to god - and this is a controversial opinion - I think we need more nuanced "evil" alter representation rather than the elimination of the "evil alter" trope because shitty asshole alters exist and are actually common and I think its a lot more meaningful to show how two completely conflicting and otherwise aggressive towards eachother individuals can find a middle ground and empower eachother. Which is what Bleach does particularly with Ichigo and his hollow self and UNIRONICALLY the whole Bleach arc Ichigo has with his hollow self is incredibly similar to the "arc" that XIV and I had which, go figure. Me the Shounen Boy Optimist protagonist and a literal hollow ichigo introject had a similar arc to the Shounen Protagonist and Hollow ichigo. Do you see the shock in my voice?

Honestly if I have time and feel like it (unlikely since I don't often have time) I might put a longer opinion / discussion on it, but honestly, even outside of Ichigo, I think the way Bleach handles Zanpaktous and even stuff like Lillynette and Stark is just a really fun way to have a lot of plural / CDD adjacent themes and vibes without necessarily even being an allegory.

The idea of being able to have a manifestation of your soul and the power it has take a sentient form and the bonding, communication, and collaboration with said manifestation being the key to increased power and skill development is just??? The coolest thing?

Honestly I think Bleach has subconsciously informed a lot of how our system is structured and interacts in more ways than we are probably cognitively currently aware of and I think to some good level that whole just general vibe probably plays a role in it somewhere.

But man, I love this show. I honestly am genuinely thinking of returning to my natural autistic instincts and just chronically watching it whenever I dont have anything else to watch because I really DONT need to have a variety of shows to watch and honestly if something aint broke, why ever change it /hj

I can have a comfort anime smh

[circulars-reasoning]

responding to your points responding ot my points

Then how does that make a thoughtform different from, say, an OC part in a CDD system, or a programmed alter? They’re willfully created as well, so what’s the delineation?

for a term like thoughtform (and not "tulpa" specifically), i think all of them in a sense fit. but, there is a huge difference between

an OC introject in a CDD system that wasn't intentionally created to be an alter

an alter that's not an introject / was created alongside their source material and wouldn't fully count as an introject from existing media, but would be counted as a willfully created alter/headmate

and also, a programmed alter (as in, RAM/COA), is entirely different and would differ because of the reasons why they were created and who created them.

I’ve heard of the soulbonding community, but haven’t looked at all into it. I will also say, as a writer, my imagination is very different from my parts, created or not.

that is fair, but those are personal distinctions that every body has to do on their own. if someone feels that beings that originated from their imagination feel not so different than a thoughtform or headmate, then you cannot say that they're incorrect for having that perspective on their experience.

if someone understands their experience to be similar to something like a thoughtform / headmate / soulbond, then that is their perogative, you know?

I was looking into Western Tulpamancy to see if it did actually have any relation to the Buddhist practice; I had been told in the past that to have a Tulpa (in western tulpamancy) you had to follow certain buddhist practices. These individuals made it clear that wasn’t the case. If going to the community and asking if I have a tulpa results in a resounding yes, despite the fact that I do not believe Debra to be a tulpa and despite the fact that I lacked any knowledge on Tibetan Buddhism at the time of her creation, then clearly, Tulpamancy is not this Special Thing That Needs A Special Name like some of these racists have been claiming.

i have... never heard of anyone having to follow certain buddhist practices to create a western tulpa. yes, there are creation guides, but besides the implication that you have to meditate really hard and focus and parrot, there's... no real set way to create a western tulpa.

i disagree with the "tulpamancy is a special thing that needs a special name" idea entirely, but i am also someone who does not entirely like the divisions of the community into endos, traumagens, and tulpas people have at the moment.

you are plural if you say you are, you aren't if you say you aren't, and you are disordered if you have been diagnosed (or self diagnosed) with a disorder and show/experience those symptoms of the disorder. whether or not a headmate was created accidentally or on purpose, or for trauma or not, doesn't matter to me most the time. of course, it is good to know if a headmate has trauma / triggers that you could affect, but besides that... i don't care.

I don’t think it’s intentional misgendering, but it was still misgendering, which is weird.

yeah, people need to be more aware of what words they are using and if they sound like they are referring to a person or a concept, at least in examples similar to this. especially when it involves a specific person who uses specific pronouns.

you are welcome for the insight and i hope this extra stuff is fine too

Interesting!

What about "accidental thoughtforms"? Those are something that happens, from what I've heard paromancers/willomancers claim.

That is COMPLETELY fair (your points about writing). I suppose this topic boils down to "if someone feels their brain occurrences is a thoughtform, then its a thoughtform." Autism brain just always desires more concrete definitions, lol.

I'm on the same page as you on the self-identified experiences honestly. I find the labels helpful sometimes, but experiences are so varied that its often far more helpful (when seeking advice) to label yourself as disordered or nondisordered, or to provide context of things like "It's likely what I'm experiencing is due to trauma, does anyone have tips?"

This is somewhat unrelated to this whole topic, but that final piece about misgendering -- I've noticed this is a major problem in system communities, from using only the host's pronouns, to assuming collective they/them (despite corrections), to "you&" becoming a default pronoun for many people... It's interesting, and something I want to look into more. I'm not too hurt by it, thankfully, though this encounter was the most interesting by far (particularly as my system dabbles with it/its).

Thanks so much for the insight <3

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

honest to god question, but when is a source classified as "problematic"? because i've been on tumblr long enough to have seen every fucking piece of media being labeled "problematic". like obviously most media is problematic, but what's the threshold? like okay my source (attack 0n t!tan) is problematic, but idk if it's more problematic than a lot of fucking popular media, if you get me? obviously some are much worse than others, but genuinely where's the community agreed line?

i get it with introjects of actual people who turn out to be pos, and i guess it could be kinda like that if the writer of your source was outed as bad, but idk maybe i am just too far removed from my source to really relate to being "problematic". like i am obviously still connected to a degree lol i look like the cartoon drawing and i share a name and shit, but like im not feeling bad about my source or guilty or whatever. might also just be my personality being the "idgaf what you think about me" alter making me not relate to the "problematic introject" trope or whatever. or maybe it is because we are bodily 28 and have better things to worry about than a shit manga that ended years ago and what people think about it lmfao

i guess i've just never experienced discrimination based on my source? but im kinda asocial anyway and i don't see any point in talking about a shit manga that we honestly have trauma about because the fucking fandom is insane and i don't want to be seen as some novelty to confirm what ship is canon or whatever tf ppl care about

feel free to share your perspective ig lol it turned into more of a rant. that's kinda how we process thoughts, but feel free to join in or whatever

[ogeeitsme]

Do you mind if I ask 11, 8 and 25?

(the post was strtd by peter n ended w me, Kris kdnkdn)

We don’t mind!

11 - first impressions of your fictives

Woah, I don’t know who to answer this- mostly because I’m like, should everyone say their thing? Since you know, everyone has different perspectives? To keep the answer short, I’ll just say my point of view! And if anyone has specific people they wanna ask, you can ask again! Actually, starting now, if you guys want someone specific to answer you can say so!

So... I won’t state everyone, because there’s a lot of people, but I‘ll do the people I’ve talked to properly!

Chara - Scary and really serious, like, they don’t have to tell me anything I could totally just leave the room if they gave me a glare. Even if they’re shorter than me, they have this like vibe that tells you that they don’t mess around

Kris - I thought he’d be quiet at first, he didn’t move a lot, but then he was suuper welcoming and dragged me into a lot of stuff- honestly he really helped me into getting used to front a lot! It felt safer when he was around, especially in my first days

Mister Crowley - he looked really business-y, but I liked him. I thought he was cool, and then he ended up being one of my dads! I thought he’d be a more angry person, but he’d rather lounge on a sofa

Miss Toriel - she’s soft! And she’s such a good mom.. she’s so supportive of everyone and just wants everyone to feel safe and happy! She really cares

MJ - I won’t lie, I was like super weirded out, excited, and worried ALL at the same time. Like, I was just is she gonna be okay here, like is it gonna be weird? And then you know, she found out I liked her this whole time and I found out too I think, and I guess we’re.. together now?

Miss Undyne - very loud, super supportive, and i was afraid that she’d just supplex me if she wanted to. She kinda yells a lot- but to support you!

Frisk - finally, someone else who gets to be called “baby”!

Mister MTT - I was honestly really nervous to meet him.. I was the first person he talked to- and that fear of when new members say “oh I’ve been here a while now!” Is real. Then I saw Frisk run over to jump all over him and he was really cool. He’s super flamboyant and when he talks in the body, he still sounds like a celebrity! He really cares though, I think that’s awesome

Miss Fluttershy - she’s kind of like the show.. uh, I won’t lie, I was a little tired after the first few days..? because she was panicking almost the whole time for two days straight and the emotional bleed was pret-ty intense so we were kind of having a panic attack non-stop for a while..? After that was over, she apologized and was really nice about it! Also ponies are tall??? I’m 5’6 or something and I forgot how much taller horses are after I saw how tall she was- and that’s a pony- geez

Miss Tempest - Uh, pretty angry.. when she and Miss Fluttershy came to the system at the same time, they apparently got a flood of memories of recent events so.. it’s like they got. A little run through of what they were getting into- so Miss Tempest got a quick summary of everything and that’s what got her mad when we first met..

8 - Songs that remind your introjects of their source?

[content warning 4 violence, harm, vent music :,^)] [ps this part took so long 2 make Idk y mksksh]

Peter - I’m not sure.. but I guess I’d have to say old-ish music (especially upbeat ones)? Maybe like.. new wave? Uh, I don’t like just new wave but they remind me of my source a lot. But sometimes they’re a weird genre. I’m not sure why I like old-ish music a bunch, but the others think it’s because of my movies’ OST? And yeah, pf I agree. They just remind me a little of Uncle Ben- he introduced to some music as a kid. And it just reminds me of my room, hanging out with friends- good vibes

Sal - Rock and Metal, for obvious reason lol. Besides Sanity’s Fall (they’re in youtube, check it out) it’s those for sure. GOD, actually the other day, we were revisiting the Halo Theme song- specifically the Mjolnir version and [chefs kiss] oof [chefs kiss] so good. It yells my source vibes. Actually I have a playlist just dedicated to rock and metal, and all my playlists are public on spotify, so if you have the skill you can definitely find them- shouldn’t be that hard

Kris - TBH IDK,,, bc I like a lot of genres,,,,, b I g (besides the DR OST) I’d say mayb contmprry soul? Or neo contemporary soul? Actlly I’m thinking of different state of mind by kid bloom bc it reminds me of my room b like in a calm way? I named my playlist on chill music aftr that DKJDKJ. Uhhh most of the songs that remind me of my source dsnt bring that much good mmries :,^) but here’s som songs that remind me of source: Soda by Nothing But Thieves, Don’t Know What To Do by Ck9c [it’s undrtle b I rel8 except this is wht I feel twrds Asriel n not the othr way arnd, esp when I was new 2 the sys :^( ], Nervous by The Neighbourhood [like how ppl must hav felt abt me in my source/canon :,,,^) plus how I felt w the entity arnd,,,, lowkey accur8 it hurts KDJDKHDDBHM if it wasn’t a love song lol], Afraid by The Neighbourhood [OOF I rmmbr I listnd 2 this a lot when I was new, this was rlly source vibes <:^/ me @ the entity, more accur8 than Nervous tbh], You’re Somebody Else by Flora Cash [probs Noelle @ me], SRRY MINE IS SO LONG

Chara - (I’ll b typing these 4 thm bc they’re not rlly the best rn, a LOT reminds thm abt source/canon so I’ll just grab a handful of diff emtions JDKDJ n I wnt explain jst go nuts I g KDHDJ- Kris) Won’t Give Into Darkness by Ck9c (obv rsns), Love Like You by Rebecca Sugar, The Valley by The Oh Hellos, Back To You by Twin Forks, Dust Inside The Light by Florist, Everything’s Alrightby Laura Shigihara, Please Leave a light On When You Go by Britain Ashford, Two Slow Dancers by Mitski, Stuff Is The Way by They Might be Giants, Echo by Circrush, Brutus by The Buttress, No Culture by Mother Mother, Choke by IDKHBTFM, This is Love by ATC, If I Killed Someone For You by Alec Benjamin

Spinel - (she isn’t arnd Rn b I’ll answ 4 her n say electro swing n swing music 👀, it her fave genre b also it reminds her of source dmdb)

Mettaton - he says anything that sounds like you’d put it on a runway/catwalk pff

25 - 3 Rndom fun facts abt an introjct!

I’m frnting now so I’ll pick on som1 MSHSWNK

I’m pickin Sal

-> he changes his hair like all the time, b we notice the messier it is the worse his mental st8 is in? If he’s feeling rlly ok, he’ll braid it, half of the time he’s in a pnytail or his hair is dwn, b sometimes u’ll catch him w his pigtails, esp w his age is yngr

-> he actlly has his guitar inspace! Sometimes he jams by himself n it’s Rlly Good 👌👌👌 (he wishes the body cld play the guitr sldjdkj, I rel8)

-> he has a cat!!!! inspace!! Like if u walk in his rm, his cat is like somwer, uslly On him

[becoming-bianca-blog]

“I” before “We”

Module 2 introduced me to some of the famous and infamous names in Psychology including Erikson and Freud. With evolving and contrasting views and theories on identity and development, I could only conclude that identity is dynamic and unique to the person which is why it is so difficult to explain or understand in less theoretical terms. Nonetheless, each has taught me something about myself and about those around me. 

In Freud’s psychodynamic perspective, he emphasizes the three structures of personality: id, ego, and superego and occurrence of development in sequential psychosexual stages. With the impetus of all his writing supporting psychoanalysis, all these simply reveal that we are motivated by hidden and unconscious thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. This was the most memorable and relevant learning to me, aside from the obvious fascination or more accurately disturbance to his ideas on infantile sexuality and the Oedipus complex. This idea of the unconscious leaking out elsewhere when repressed was hauntingly but also accurately portrayed in “Ghosts in the Nursery” which used two case studies to prove that the occurrence of repression of emotion and identification only continues the cycle of childhood trauma and abuse. One of these defense mechanisms, repression, was so accurate that it seemed to be mocking me. I even found myself muttering ���lol, me” in class. As someone who has never had an “id” personality, my conflicts tend to be between the ego and the superego. Obeying my perfectionist personality, the superego always seems to win out. Again, I am no stranger to the defense mechanism of repression, and I have used it to the point where I have harmed my own mental health. Enter my intrapsychic conflict: asking for help. With my ego telling me that it is okay to be humble and accept that I cannot carry the burden of pain and past traumas alone and my superego telling me I have to conform to the notion of perfection I have where I have to hide pain and not burden others with it, I always seem to repress any negative emotion I have. I’ve done this since I was a little kid, never telling my parents about a bully in school, how I felt when my my mom had a miscarriage, and even recently when I have intrusions about the day I found out my boyfriend took his own life. When it comes to the latter, I admit that sometimes I still have to push these thoughts to the dark just so I can function normally in school and smile. Freudian psychology begged me to look deep and see that I was identifying with my parents who never talked to me about pain or problems even though they could never shield it from me. I saw that I was trapped in a cycle of silence and “you’ll get over it eventually.” All of this pain that I have been uncovering and releasing in therapy has been a relief and made me understand a lot about myself, the most clear being that I’m a “tagasalo” and have this need to fix everyone before I can even feel anything for myself. Looking at the person I am now, although such can be considered as a facet of kindness, this approach to life and problems has harmed me and come to the point where I have hurt others. Recognizing this cycle, I want to be able to say “it ends with me” because I now know how important it is to not let it get to the point where your mind festers and the black dog resides. Reminding myself that it is ok to feel and that something will blossom out of my vulnerability, I vow to go easy on myself first and then other people too as they are also hurting and healing from traumas that they keep in the dark and disguise with defense mechanisms. 

Erikson’s psychosocial perspective, on the other hand, stresses the ego and the eight stages of development where there is a crisis that must be resolved in order to learn a new trait. Here, I could not help but be in awe of the accuracy of how Erikson described the stage I believe myself to be in which is the identity vs role confusion/fidelty stage. He completely understands the thirst, the incessant questions, the strong opinions, the sparks of inspiration, and the noisy confusion that teenage life is married with. I am currently testing the worldviews and causes that I have previously identified with and introjected and selecting which is a best fit for me to create a version of myself that is “based on but more than or different from the sum of these individual parts.” I think the latter is a beautiful metaphor, almost suggesting that we are like a painting or sculpture touched by many but ultimately portraying a unique picture with previous and clumsy markings covered by new ones. I’m the type of person who likes to have a plan for everything, but with all that has happened I am finding that my plan went off track and that is okay because I am still finding myself. It is okay that I ended up in a different college than I expected because of the circumstance and it is okay if I am still feeling out. It’s okay if I don’t end up finishing this course and taking Psychology instead, and it’s okay if I try out a completely different path. I feel like I’ve always been in such a rush to grow up and have always put myself down for falling short and staying in this period of not knowing what I want yet. I know now that I should look at this period with grace and excitement as it will prepare me and bring me closer to the version of “I” that is prepared to shift to a “we”. After this stage is intimacy vs love/isolation where Erikson defined intimacy as the ability to fuse identities with someone without fearing the loss of a part of ourselves. I’ll always remember this. I honestly wish I had been told this before entering a relationship in high school but now I know that I am not yet ready for the type relationship I always wanted. Lastly, to supplement Erikson’s theory James Marcia provided Four Statuses of Identity. Of course, consistent with the psychosocial stage that I am in, I am currently in a psychological moratorium. I am currently testing different views, perspectives, ideas, and identities without making commitments and as I said previously, this status is ok and can delay my progression into succeeding stages because the “I” that emerges will be one that I am proud of and worthy to care for and be a part of a collective “we”. 

Lastly, I will talk about what I have discovered upon self-reflecting beyond the looking glass self and dramaturgy. First, it was difficult and confusing to accept that we do play different roles in our lives. The very notion of such scared me into thinking that I, someone who is very much rooted on the looking glass self and seeks validation from others, could lose myself upon being so invested in a role that I play to simply please others. Nonetheless, I trusted in the affirmation that I made to myself before starting college which is that I have a strong sense of self and others who cannot see the truth, with the ugly, about myself do not deserve that part of me. With that, I think I have set out manageable performances that I take on in life. First is that of a student and a classmate, where I have to be focused, reliable, and studious. Second is that of a daughter and a friend, someone funny, strong, compassionate and now, sad and mopey (wow, they must think I’m a handful). My friends and family are the people who i can be unapologetically me around and knowing that i have people within my reach who accept me for who I am relieves the constant strain to seek validation and praise from everybody else. I resolve to take note of things that I was able to accomplish with pride because it is time that I recognize how I have dealt with the pain and honestly done the impossible while mourning a  loss and feeling like I have lost a great part of myself given his permanent physical absence. 

Inserting this low-budget meme because my blockmates think I’m masungit HAHAHAHA: