#just more very very encouraging and exciting things happening in women's sports

[travisdermotts]

Athletes Unlimited announced today that they will be expanding their existing softball season and introducing a traditional, city based league that will have 30 game seasons.

Right now, AU has been running both their two week long AUX season and their longer AU pro season. Both of these have utilized unconventional structures, relying on individual stats and player points and redrafting teams each week. The introduction of a more traditional league will offer a bit more stability and allow teams to build up their own identities and fanbases.

AU will still run both the AUX and AU pro seasons, moving the latter to after the end of the league season and renaming it to the "AUSL Champions Cup", allowing them to keep the unique structure that had seen so much success over the past 4 years.

As someone who has played and watched softball all my life, this is huge. Like hockey, there have been many iterations of professional women's softball leagues (some with more success than others), but to me, nothing has been as stable as the product that AU has been able to create. They have been able to attract and retain some of the sport's best talent and have been able to provide more opportunities for their athletes to play and to be paid by having multiple seasons a year.

I really hope that everyone who has given their support to the PWHL this season and is excited for the beginning of the NSL, can also find room to support another new professional women's sports league in 2025.

[csykora]

Random general question, but what is something about sports medicine--anything relevant to that topic--you wish more sports fans understood?

This was extremely fun to think about! There are a lot of things I'd like people to know about just because I think it's neat, but a rough list of the things I really wish people were taught:

Yes, there's sugar in Gatorade and other sports drinks. That's the point, that's why it was created that way. When your body is doing work, your body needs fuel. A huge percentage of athletes show up to their sports activities under-hydrated and by the end are clinically dehydrated. If you like how your drink tastes, you're more likely to drink more of it. That's the priority. While plenty of people need to manage their personal glucose intake at various times for various reasons (most of those times won't be while they're working out, when they're burning energy and are at risk of their blood sugar dropping), if you have not been told that you need to manage your blood sugar, you do not need to manage your blood sugar. Sugar-free electrolyte drinks are not "healthier": I actually wouldn't say that any one thing is "healthier" for everyone, because different people's nutritional, metabolic, physical, etc needs are completely different.

It has been suggested that blood sugar spikes may effect certain areas of athletic performance, but it's not thoroughly established that this does happen, for who, or which areas of physical performance are affected, or whether there are other areas of performance that it may have a positive effect on, and there are plenty of other things that also affect performance. (Also, despite the standardized glycemic index being used to estimate how different foods affect blood sugar, this actually varies because different people process foods differently, and even the same person might process foods differently in different situations).

This one is something I wish many current hockey coaches understood.

On that--different areas of physical performance are different. Explosive strength or speed vs. enduring strength or speed require different types of muscle fiber, different metabolisms, the works. Other qualities like speed and precision can have a reciprocal relationship. Different kinds of muscle development work well for different tasks. One area of performance can actually impair other areas of performance: there is no one universal athletic build or training regimen that will result in an athlete doing well in all areas.

This is also something I wish current hockey management understood, because I'd really love to see more physical diversity of athletes in more specialized roles. I'm actually fine with it or even excited when a player isn't an "all around guy"!

It is extremely difficult to measure the physical factors in human performance without the social factors (and we should probably try less to). When you measure "men" against "women", you are not just comparing genders, you are also comparing two groups of people who have had different access to physical activity and athletic training, been encouraged to be active in different ways, etc.

Also, in pretty much every area of the athletic performance, the spectrum of "male performance" and the spectrum of "female performance" overlaps, with the significant majority of people living in the normal area for both.

(Including, for the record, the amount of testosterone in your body. Which has no clear single impact on performance.)

Athletic ability is not the same as health. And neither of them have much of anything to do with how much body fat you have. The extreme of human performance is not "ideal" human performance: we made sports up, and in many cases they require us to move in ways that are very different from the movements we evolved doing.

(Also, I don't think health should be idealized either)

Traumatic brain injuries don't just happen when you're hit on the head. That might be a relatively small fraction of the times that they happen! What matters is the internal forces acting on your brain and spinal cord. Sudden changes in speed or direction like falls and certain collisions can and will do the job. So while penalizing sports plays that involve hits to the head is a good idea, I think fans shouldn't let that appease us as the only change that pro sports make to prevent TBI and CTE.

TBIs are also not "the most dangerous" of sports injuries. I'm not sure if there is an objectively most dangerous one, honestly, outside of things that cause instant death. TBIs can have profoundly difficult and serious impacts on people, and so do many other injuries that affect the way someone moves, feels, their pain, or how they see themselves. We shouldn't let pro sports appease us when they focus on CTE and avoid addressing other injuries, either: they absolutely will use the attention on CTE as cover.

[wishuhadstayed]

Plus One

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Word count: 3000ish

Summary: it’s baby time y’all!

Warnings: pregnancy complications, angst

Author’s Note: to those who have been waiting, I AM SO SORRY. I hope this will be worth it! Part 8? to Begin Again. Please feel free to yell at me in the comments if you feel so inclined.

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

Conversation flowed in the dining room and kitchen of the Hotchner residence as the BAU team and family impatiently anticipated the forthcoming announcement.

“It’s a boy, has to be,” Morgan mused.

“No way. Definitely a girl,” JJ contradicts.

“As much as it pains me to say, I think I have to go with Morgan on this one,” Emily admits.

“Garcia?” JJ inquires, “What do you think?”

“I have to agree with Chocolate Thunder on this one, love,”

“Are you all taking his side?” JJ asks with indignation. “I’ll bet you $50 that it’s a girl!”

“Oh you’re on, sweetheart,” Morgan complies with a winning smile.

“I don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy,” says Reid, “but I do know that I wouldn’t bet against JJ.”

“Thanks, Spence,” JJ replies, patting him on the shoulder. “Emily, Rossi? You wanna get in on the action?”

“Oh I am so staying out of this,” Prentiss responds. “Count me out.”

“I’m in with Morgan for $50,” Rossi states.

“Alright, but you’re all gonna be sorry,” JJ says with a smirk.

Overhearing the lively discussion, you enter the room.

“Children, what’s going on here?” You interject, “Don’t make me break up a fight.”

“Y/N! Just the lady I wanted to see!” Exclaims JJ. “May I?” She asks, gesturing towards your growing baby bump.

“Sure, go ahead,” you reply. “Do I even want to know?”

“We’re taking bets on the sex of the baby,” she replies placing a gentle hand on your belly. “And I am so totally going to win!”

“You can’t possibly know that, JJ,” Morgan interrupts.

“Call me crazy if you want,” says JJ, “but a mother knows.”

“I suppose you’ll all find out soon enough,” Aaron cuts in, placing a strong arm around your back and pressing his lips to yours for a quick, tender kiss. “Shall we?”

With that, everyone makes their way to the backyard, where a large golden balloon awaits.

Picking it up from the ground, Aaron asks, “Everybody ready?”

He didn’t really have to ask. The answer was unanimous.

“YES!”

“Jack, would you like to do the honors?” you inquire, holding out a safety pin for him.

“Can I?” he asks hopefully.

“Of course you can buddy. Just be careful, okay?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Dad and I will count you in, okay? On three.”

Together, you and Aaron slowly count, “One, two, THREE!”

A loud pop from the balloon momentarily startles the crowd and then..... a cloud of pink confetti floats to the ground.

“YES!” JJ shouts in her excitement. “PAY UP, LOSERS! We got a baby shower to plan!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several weeks later found you strolling through the back door of Rossi’s home into the yard where you’d married the man of your dreams not so very long ago.

This time it’s decorated for a slightly different occasion. Pale pink lanterns and streamers adorn everything in sight. A picnic table covered with a pink flowered cloth looks like it might collapse at any moment beneath the weight of a mountain of gifts wrapped in pastel paper. Heart shaped balloons are tied to the corners of another table on top of which is a giant bowl of pink punch, more food than you thought possible, and a breathtaking cake, decorated with tiny pink roses.

A tap on your shoulder brings you back to reality and you turn to see three beautiful, smiling faces. Women that you consider to be not only friends, but family at this point.

“Penny, Emily, JJ,” you say as your eyes begin to well up with tears, “This is too much! You shouldn’t have gone to this much trouble.”

“Oh this is the least we could have done for you, doll face,” Garcia interjects. “Nothing but the finest for my very best friend.”

“Don’t worry about it, my clean sweep at the gender reveal paid for most of this,” JJ jokes.

“You look absolutely radiant,” Emily adds, pulling you in for a hug.

“Where’s the boss man?” Penelope asks. “He’s coming isn’t he?”

“Oh yes” you reply. “He was helping Jack out of the car. He told me to come on in. He’s probably inside hanging out with boys for a minute.”

At that moment, you feel a pair of familiar arms encircling you, one across your chest and one just underneath your baby bump. A soft kiss on the cheek and he turns you around to face him. The tender look in his usually stern eyes melts you as he smiles and says,

“There’s my girls.”

“I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you too, darling.”

“Alright love birds, it’s time to get this show on the road!” exclaims Morgan, coming through the door with both Henry and Jack in tow.

“Thanks for keeping the kids entertained, Derek,” you whisper. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Mama. I’ve got it all under control,” he reassures with a wink.

“Should we be worried?” Aaron jokes under his breath.

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Garcia offers, trailing off behind them.

Rossi and Reid bring up the tail end of the group, along with Jessica, Jack’s aunt, who had been previously supervising the kids.

“How are the parents-to-be feeling?” Rossi inquires.

“Overwhelmed, and so grateful,” you reply. “I know JJ said she covered most of it with her winnings, but I think we all know you pitched in too. And you’re a fantastic sport for letting the girls decorate your whole house pink.”

“Anything for some of my favorite people,” he replies patting you both on the shoulder.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” Reid chimes in. “This baby’s really lucky to have such loving parents.”

“Reid, stop. You’re gonna make me cry,” you squeak out, pulling a tissue from your purse.

Just then, Jessica wraps an arm around both of you.

“Jess, you know you didn’t have to come,” Aaron says.

“Nonsense!” comes her reply. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

As you go to sit so you can open presents, Morgan pulls out the chair for you, then pulls one out for Garcia as they settle in to watch the kids.

Maybe you were mistaken, but you could have sworn you saw a flirty look pass between them. A mischievous grin crosses your face. Perhaps you should do a bit of your own matchmaking.

“Jack!” you call. “Don’t you wanna help Mama open some of her presents?”

“Yeah! Can Henry help too?”

“What do you think JJ?” you ask.

“As long as it’s okay with you,” she agrees.

The kids ran up to help with their very important present duty. Jack retrieving smaller presents and helping rip the paper. Henry mostly just playing with the shiny bows. Thus leaving Morgan and Garcia free of responsibility.

When the last present had been opened, and the last game played, Aaron made his speech.

“Y/N and I just wanted to thank you all so much for being here today. We love each and every one of you like family, and we are truly grateful for all your love and support. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. Thank you again.”

As everyone was leaving, Penelope pulled you to the side.

“Did you call the kids over for help specifically to leave Derek and I alone together?”

“Penny, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” came your reply. “I’m just getting too big to be bending over to grab the presents and I thought it would be fun for the kids.”

“If you say so,” she says with a skeptical look.

As she walks away, Aaron whispers in your ear, “You are so wrong for that, you know?” with a playful shove of your shoulder.

“Oh they’re perfect for each other and everyone knows it. Besides, she played matchmaker for us and look what happened,” you reply, rubbing your belly.

“Okay, okay!” he surrenders with a grin. “You’re right. You’re always right. You win.”

——————————————————————————

As the weeks crept by, your little family was not so patiently awaiting the arrival of its newest addition. Being pregnant and taking care of a 6 year old without your husband was extremely taxing, making the moments that you did have with him exceedingly special.

Moments like today. It was nothing exciting, just sitting on the couch, enjoying each other’s company, but sometimes that’s all you really need.

Seated across from each other, You can’t help but admire the sweet look on his face as he touches your belly.

“I still can’t believe we’re having a baby girl,” he mentions.

“Neither can I,” you agree. “She’s gonna be smart,” you state, resting your hand on top of Aaron’s. “A lawyer like her daddy.”

“She can be anything she wants,” he says, looking up with his smile revealing the stunning dimples that caught your eye on your very first date. “As long as she’s happy.”

“God I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you more, angel.”

But mom duty never stops.

“Oh!” you exclaim. “It’s almost time to pick up Jack from school and I haven’t even started dinner!”

“Don’t worry about it, babe,” Aaron says. “I’ll take care of everything, you just relax.”

“But I,”

“Ssshhhhh,” he interrupts. “No buts. I will pick up Jack, I will get dinner. You deserve a break.”

“Alright, if you insist.”

“I do.”

He leans in and gently brushes his lips against yours.

“I’ll be back soon.”

What felt like an eternity later, you hear the front door open and two distinct sets of footsteps.

“Mama!” Jack yelled, scrambling up into your lap for a hug. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, buddy,” you reassure, pulling him close to your chest.

“What’s for dinner, honey?” you ask?

A playful smirk forms on Aaron’s face, raising your suspicions.

“You’ll see. In the meantime, Jack how would you like to watch a movie with me and mom?”

You all settle on the sofa, Jack in Aaron’s lap and your head on your husband’s left shoulder. Just as you were drifting off to sleep near the end of the movie, a knock at the door startles you awake.

“Dinner’s here!” Aaron announces. “Come on buddy,” he encourages Jack. “Help me out.”

As you reach the table where the food is being laid out, tears begin to spring to your eyes.

“I got you fries and chocolate shake. And a cheeseburger. No mayo, extra pickles.”

“Babe,” you squeak out, “you remembered.”

“Of course I remembered. It’s all you talked about while I was away on my last case.”

You laugh and pull him close.

“I knew I married you for a reason.”

——————————————————————————

Around your 36 week mark, Aaron called from his hotel room to check on you.

“How are you, love?”

“Still pregnant,” you gripe.

“I know you’re exhausted, mama. I’ll be home tomorrow. Just remember the go bag for the hospital is packed and sitting right by the front door, just in case.”

“Yes, Aaron. You remind me every day. Honestly I think it’s bit overboard, I’m fine.”

“I just worry about you being alone while I’m gone is all. It never hurts to be prepared. Anyway, I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Love you too honey. Good night and be safe tomorrow.”

——————————————————————————

When Aaron arrived home the next night, he was greeted by the sight of you dozing on the couch.

Easing himself down on the edge, he swipes a lock of hair from your face. He softly kisses your forehead and watches as your eyes flutter open.

“Aaron?” you murmur. “You’re home.”

“I’m home,” he whispers. “How are my girls?”

“Better now that you’re home. I’ve had some pretty intense back pain, but otherwise fine.”

“Well sleeping on the couch probably isn’t helping,” he states matter of factly.

“Oh thank you doctor,” you reply sarcastically, giving his arm a playful slap. “I would never have known.”

“You’re welcome,” he says with a shit eating grin. “Let’s get some sleep.”And with that, he sweeps you off the couch, heading for the master bedroom.

——————————————————————————

You woke the next morning still in pain, but not wanting to disturb Aaron. You struggle to sit up, finally managing after a few tries. You pull back the sheets and immediately get a sense of panic and dread at the sight of blood on the hem of your nightgown and the sheets beneath you. As the tears begin to stream, you instinctively call out for him.

Waking up at the sound of his name he asks, “what’s wrong, baby?”

But he realizes the problem before you even get a chance to respond.

Amazingly he seems not to panic at all. The tears and hysterics don’t faze him at all. He simply grabs you out of the bed, carries your directly to the car, and buckles you in.

“Stay right here,” he instructs. “I’m getting Jack and we’re going to the hospital right now.”

What seems like an eternity later, but in reality was only a few minutes, Aaron emerges from the house with Jack and the go bag.

He peels out of the driveway and drives to the nearest hospital with no regard for the speed limit.

When you arrived to the emergency entrance, you look at him with a panic stricken face.

“I’m scared, Aaron.”

“Don’t worry darling,” he says soothingly. “I’m going to get you some help.”

The next thing you know several people are helping you out of the car and loading you onto a stretcher. As they wheel you inside he follows closely behind with Jack asleep in his arms.

“What going on?” you plead.

“I don’t know, love but they’re going to help,” he reassures.

Just then you overhear a member of the medical staff informing Aaron that he’s not allowed any farther.

“What do you mean he can’t come with me?” You wail.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but bleeding is very serious. Both you and the baby could be in danger. We need to get you treatment now and we can’t have any family in the room.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron says in a very calm and sure tone. “They’re going to take good care of you. Everything will be fine.”

“FINE? Nothing about this is fine!” you shout. “I can’t do this without you, Aaron.”

“Yes you can,” he replies, holding your hand. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You have to. Do it for her.” He says, placing his hand on your belly.

“We have to go now,” one of the nurses insist.

“Be strong for me okay?” He pleads, gaining a short tearful nod from you in response.

“I love you,” he calls out as they wheel you swiftly down the hall. Just before the stretcher is out of sight he hears your response.

“I love you more.”

——————————————————————————

Collapsing into a chair in the waiting area, mind racing with worry, Aaron does the only thing he can think of at the moment.

The phone rings, and then,

“Aaron! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon after a case,” Rossi says. “We don’t have plans today, do we?”

“No, Dave. It’s Y/N. We’re at the hospital.”

“Wow, I didn’t think she was due for a few more weeks.”

“She’s not,” Aaron explains, his voice beginning to break. “When we woke up, she was bleeding. From what I understand, it’s pretty serious. You’re the first person I thought to call.”

“Oh my God,” Rossi breathes. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Should I call the rest of the team?”

“Yeah, I think that would be best. I could really use some help with Jack. He’s still asleep for now, but,” Aaron pauses for a moment, choking back tears. “I don’t know what to tell him when he wakes up,” he finishes quietly.

“Just hold on, Aaron,” Rossi replies. “We’re coming.”

——————————————————————————

Within an hour, the whole BAU team was crowding the hospital waiting room. Hugs were exchanged and Aaron had handed a still sleeping Jack off to JJ.

Everyone waited in tense silence, not knowing quite what to say.

“I’m scared out my mind, Dave,” Aaron confines to him. “I can’t lose her. I’ve been through too much already. And Jack, God it would crush him if anything happened to her.”

“I think he’s waking up,” JJ whispers.

“Dad?” He asks in a daze as he wakes. “Miss JJ? Where are we?” He questions now aware of the unfamiliar surroundings.

Coming over to squat down in front of him, Aaron does his best to explain.

“Well buddy, this morning mom got sick, so we brought her to the hospital, and the doctors are taking good care of her.”

“Is she going to be okay?” he inquires. “And my baby sister?”

“I hope so, the doctors are working really hard to make mom better okay?”

“Daddy, we should say a prayer for Mama,” Jack responds. “And my baby sister too.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Jack,” Aaron responds, as he quickly turns away to wipe a tear.

The whole group gathered closely around Jack and Aaron. Everyone took turns saying prayer for the health and well being of Y/N and her unborn daughter.

Moments after the last amen was said; just when Aaron thought he would die if he waited a moment longer, a doctor came through the doors.

“Mr. Hotchner?”

Aaron stood, bracing himself for the news.

“Is it alright if I speak in front of the group?”

“Yes, they’re family. Please, just— do you have news about my wife?”

“Sir,” the doctor continues with a look of concern. “You all may want to sit down for this.”

——————————————————————————

Tag list: @ange-must-die @agenthotchner @moonstuffsteve @poetsacademia @hotchners-slut @arganfics @ladyreapermc @rousethemouse @less-intelligent-spencerreid @tgibstan @themanip @word-scribbless @quillvine @glizzieborden @miss-united-ace @samayoshito

[fbfh]

troy bolton dating hcs

oh yeah wildcats it’s finally happening

Borderline himbo jock man with an artistic heart of gold

Yk those posts where it’s like really cool ingenuitive jewelry or a present or smth with the caption “guys get so creative when they’re in love”

That’s Troy

Similar to Peter Kavinsky in the sense that he’s really social and popular and seamlessly makes you feel comfortable around his friends

Like he doesn’t let you feel left out or out of place

He’s very good at making people feel included

If you don’t know anything about basketball 

You’ll probs pick some of it up soon

Even if you don’t 

You listen to him talk about statistics and plays and drills bc he’s so cute and so excited and seeing him happy and passionate makes you happy

Can you tell I know jack shit about basketball

He realizes you know jack shit about basketball and that you still listen enthusiastically every  time he brings it up

 It really means something to him

Oh and since the only info we have on his birthday is that he was born in july there’s maybe a ⅔ chance he’s a cancer

Idk I don’t know how math works

But knowing what he’s like

I can virtually guarantee he’s a cancer

Maybe a cancer leo cusp

But honestly that tracks

He’s very a very emotional person

But like 

In a good way

Literally the most loyal son of a bitch in existence

Real shit for a minute

If there were any other movie where a pretty popular rich girl so influential that boys literally almost pass out when she gets too close to them looking at you zeke was constantly throwing herself at a cool jock guy, he would be

At the VERY LEAST 

Hooking up with her cause she’s hot and leading her on

Or like

Flirting with her or something

And YET

Troy “Respecting Women Is In My Blood” Bolton

Has never had a thought towards Sharpay other than “she’s kind of mean but I know she likes me so I try to avoid her respectfully cause she’s still our class mate and a fellow wildcat”

WHO COULD EVER

Like even in the second movie he could have manipulated Sharpay with very little effort

They could have come up with a whole scheme where he pretends to like Sharpay and gets her to pull strings for them

and he didn’t

That wasn’t even an option

He had the courage to stand up to her and say “I feel like you’re a bad influence on me so I don’t want to be around you”

WHO COULD EVER

When I say he’s the most respectful I fuckin mean it dude

Especially when it comes to like

Physical intimacy

He’s so wrapped up in the moment of being with you that escalating things doesn’t even cross his mind

Real shit

You’ll have to instigate a lot of physical contact 

He’ll hold your hand and maybe kiss your cheek

But like have you seen how long he gazes into Gabriella’s eyes before he kisses her?????

He might set up a kiss 

But before he can even actually kiss you 

He gets so lost in your eyes

He’s so distracted by you that when you actually kiss him it’s almost a surprise

The dates that he sets up for you

Ohhhh mygod they’re so cute

I gotta say

He’s a big fan of romantic picnics 

Tree house picnics

Park picnics

Rooftop picnics

A lot of other really cute dates including but not limited to

Stargazing

Midnight swim

Cooking and or baking together

Absolutely has set up a trampoline fort sleepover at least once

His parents fucking adore you

Truly you are always a welcome presence at the Bolton house

He has a little bit of 

Not quite toxic masculinity

But just old definitions of masculinity deep down that he’s working through

That’s why he feels like he can’t talk to Chad or his father about more artistic stuff

He feels too vulnerable 

Like sports and arts are equally hard work

But arts directly involve putting in your own feelings and a piece of yourself into what you’re doing

Sports are just as emotional but way less vulnerable bc it’s not your raw soul juice you’re spilling yk

So he’s still working through that

Any gentle encouragement you provide always makes a big impact

Whether it’s just singing along to the car radio, or helping Kelsi work out harmonies 

It’s all little baby steps towards embracing what makes him happy

Oh if I didn’t mention yet

He is so so so supportive of any hobbies or extracurriculars you do

Literal hype man

He brags to the team all the goddamn time

They know almost as much about you as your friends do

Vicariously through Troy

He likes dancing with you too

Sometimes it’s recycled choreo from old shows

Sometimes it’s just goofing off together

Any excuse he can find to hold you close 

He will take it

I really don’t even know how to describe that like

That one specific Quality he has

He’s really such a hopeless romantic

Like 

“Gazing into your eyes makes this moment our infinity” kinda romantic

Doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking about apartments and life together with you bc the future scares him

All he knows about his future is he wants you in it

You can bet on that

[fific7]

There May Be Trouble Ahead - Part 2

John Whittaker x Reader

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s all lemon zest 🍋 because the world deserves more of the over-eager puppy that is the handsome Johnny Whittaker. And puppies need discipline.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including oral and unprotected sex between consenting adults*. Some drinking.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(Not my GIF, credit to owner)

The following weekend, John parked his car with a flourish, jumping out of it and bouncing up the front steps of her mansion flat in town, noticing that it had a nice view of a small park across the road. Ringing the doorbell, he fervently hoped that she hadn’t changed her mind since he’d telephoned her during the week to reconfirm the details for today. He was excited about this second date. He’d been pleased when she’d given him both her address and home number without hesitation on the night of their first date, and she hadn’t said anything adverse during the midweek call. That had to be promising.

Surely that would have been the perfect opportunity to belatedly decline his invitation?

When she opened her front door, he wished her an exuberant ’good afternoon’ while being much taken with the vision of loveliness which presented itself to him. She was resplendent in a pretty floral dress, matching high heels and a floppy sun hat in a contrasting colour, and he thought she looked absolutely adorable. And told her as much, which made her blush. He loved it when she blushed. He was, in the meantime, admiring her curves and he could see a little more of her shapely legs today, her dress being very slightly shorter than the skirt she wore previously.

He was still gazing at her when he felt a stirring in his loins. It really had been quite a while since a woman had elicited that response from his now usually dormant manhood. With all the recent emotional upheaval, his libido had been truly and utterly extinguished.

Oh! he thought, looking down quickly at the growing bulge in his trousers, I’m very pleased to be in this state but… umm. He quickly clasped his hands in front of his fly.

Looking back up at her, he could tell by her expression that she was feeling very anxious and indeed, instead of greeting him, she burst out, “Do you really think this is a good idea, John? We have only just made our acquaintance but you’re taking me to meet your family? They may hate me!”

He smiled at her, “Believe me, it’s entirely possible that it will be the other way round!” She smiled back at him, “I’m sure it won’t be.” Grinning, he said, “You haven’t met them yet!” “John! You’re not exactly reassuring me!” He reached out a hand, “Come along, it will be fine, honestly. Don’t worry about anything!” She turned slightly and picked up a clutch bag from the hall table. “I’ll try not to,” she replied.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your first thought on opening the door was, ‘how handsome he looks!” He was wearing cream trousers, a stone-coloured shirt and a cream waistcoat, very dashing. You noticed his dark eyes staring at you, and hoped that what you’d chosen to wear was suitable for a tea party with his family.

However he’d immediately complimented you so hopefully that meant you’d passed muster. Then you couldn’t help mentioning how anxious you were feeling and while he didn’t exactly make you feel less so, by the time you took his hand and let him lead you down to his car, your nerves were beginning to subside a tiny little bit.

His car was a really rather smart sports number and he opened the passenger door for you, not letting go of your hand until you’d seated yourself in it, gracefully you hoped. Then he leapt into the driver’s seat and started up the engine, a loud purring sound in the quiet street. You saw a curtain twitch at the next-door window and smirked. Good! This’ll give that awful Euphemia girl something to think about. She was always making snide passive-aggressive remarks about the lack of gentlemen in your life - as if she had any herself! It twitched again and you cheerily waved at her, the lace curtain instantly dropping back into place.

“Neighbour of yours? A friend?” John nodded towards the window. You gave a rather unladylike snort, “God no. She’s ghastly. I avoid her like the plague.” He laughed, and as the car pulled away from the kerb you glanced at him, “So. Who is going to be at tea today?” He was concentrating on navigating the car through the streets but replied, “Oh, let’s see… just Mother and my two sisters Hilda and Marion. Although I do think mater might’ve said something about Sarah possibly dropping in too.” “Sarah?” you questioned. He shifted in his seat, “My ex. We were almost engaged at one point, but…” he shrugged, “…Larita happened.”

You got a sinking feeling in your stomach. His ex? Why on earth was she joining you? And who was Larita? You asked him as much and he cleared his throat, a little uncomfortable, “Larita is my ex-wife. And Sarah - although we’re no longer involved - has a kind of big sis thing going on with me, I think. To be honest, our whole relationship was always very much like brother and sister. No hanky-panky, you know?” He gave a nervous laugh. “She’ll be over to have a gander at you, no doubt - make sure you’re not going to steal the family silver.” You couldn’t stop yourself laughing out loud, “Have no fear! I’ve concealed my burglar’s Swag Bag very well.” He joined in your laughter, “Hate to disappoint you, darling, but we’ve got no silver left to steal!”

Darling? you thought… he’s forward! “That’s not a problem,” you replied, “filthy lucre’s not really my scene.” His head turned towards you, “What’s your scene? Tell me,” he said. “Oh… you know. Someone with a brain so I can have a decent conversation. Someone who can make me laugh. And treat me like a princess.” He pulled up momentarily at a crossroads and his eyes met yours, “I can do all of those,” he said earnestly, “I promise you that I can.” You laughed, suddenly slightly shy due to how sincere he sounded. “Can you? That’s encouraging, John.”

“Yes, I can. I’ll prove it to you, if you’ll let me.”

You smiled at him. “Well, it’s very early days but we’ll see, shall we?”

He nodded, eyes gazing into yours, “We shall indeed.”

A car horn tooted behind you. He changed gears and turned the car towards the fields and meadows.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

(Flintham Hall, the Whittakers’ residence)

The car tyres crunched over the gravel of the wide driveway and he drew the car to a halt in front of “The Family Pile”, as he called it. When he’d turned the car off the road and driven between two huge gate posts and then past a gatehouse, you knew that his house was going to be rather large. And it was. It wasn’t quite Blenheim Palace, but it wasn’t too far off.

“John,” you said, slightly in awe, “…what a beautiful house.” He grinned, “The original part of the house was built in 1798, not by us though. It was extended first of all in… um, 1820 I think. The Whittakers eventually inherited it through marriage in the mid-1840’s, and they extended and remodelled again a few years later. Been in the family ever since. Bit shabby round the edges nowadays,” he gave a self-deprecating laugh, “…somewhat like myself.”

He jumped out of the car in typically energetic fashion, coming round and opening your car door, “I’ll give you the full guided tour after we’ve had tea.” He took your hand again and led you towards the main entrance. “They’ll all be on the terrace, no doubt. Or… maybe in the conservatory. Come and meet them.”

You smiled, “You’re not, you know.” He stopped in his tracks, looking back at you, a confused look on his face, “I’m not what?” “Shabby,” you answered, and began walking again.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John’s heart gave a little leap. She sounds…. interested, he thought. Could she possibly like me? Oh, I do hope so.

He led her inside the house, spotting their butler gliding towards them and waving him off, “It’s fine, Furber, it’s just me and my guest,” and giving her a quick smile, guided her through the large hall and into the large, high-ceilinged conservatory. “Oh, no sign of them in here after all. The plants are probably too overgrown to take tea amongst. We’ve only got one doddery old gardener left now, and it takes him all his time to look after the grounds never mind in here. Poor old Bob.”

He tugged her hand and gently pulled her back out into the hall then cut through a grand sitting room, where French windows were already lying open. He propelled her swiftly towards them; he could tell by the tenseness of her hand in his that she was getting nervous again, and he really didn’t want her to take flight in the opposite direction. “Terrace it is then!” he sang.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your heart was in your mouth as John all but shoved you through the French windows and out onto the terrace.

A large round table was set out there, complete with crockery, cutlery, napkins, plates of sandwiches, two cake stands each filled with a selection of tea cakes, a large teapot, along with several tea cups and saucers. What a spread! you thought.

Four female heads turned towards you and John, but their eyes were drilling into you and you only.

Taking a deep breath, you dropped your hand out of John’s and stepped forward, a smile - but a reserved one - on your face.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John took in the four staring women, and had a fleeting moment of deja vu. They didn’t look very welcoming, any of them. But he squared his shoulders and hurried to stand next to her, his hand on her arm.

He cleared his throat and firstly introduced her, before indicating each of the still-silent women and introducing them in turn to her. He gave her a tentative smile and a comforting squeeze of her arm. She turned back to the women, smiling and said, “Very pleased to meet you.”

There was a further moment of silence, and he saw their eyes travelling down to look at his hand resting on her arm. But he didn’t remove it.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You noticed them all staring at John’s hand, which had remained on your arm, then finally Veronica nodded at you and returned your greeting with the smallest of small smiles. This seemed to open the floodgates and the others echoed her, with accompanying smiles. Hilda jumped up (it seemed to be a family trait) and came over to you, claiming your arm from John and leading you over to an empty seat between her and Sarah, who looked up smiling as you approached. At the same time you didn’t miss the intensely scrutinising look she gave you. Well - this isn’t going to be uncomfortable at all is it?! you thought, smiling back through slightly gritted teeth.

A housemaid appeared from nowhere and began pouring tea for everyone. Marion, with her tightly permed hair and her mustard-coloured pleated skirt and mustard-coloured twinset and pearls, was busy passing the now-full cups round, spearing you with her sharp stare as she did so. Had these people never seen anyone from outside the estate or something? The way they were examining you! - as if you were a specimen on a laboratory slide or something. You decided to put on a brave front, smiling and thanking her as you took your cup from her. You would not be cowed by these women.

Sarah lifted her cup to her lips and sipped, before placing it carefully back in the saucer. You took a moment to study her. Well, you were just returning the favour, after all - she’d had the opportunity to scrutinise you for rather longer than that when you’d been paraded in front of them all. She was pretty, with soft brown eyes and wavy dark hair in a short bobbed style, however you felt that she was perhaps the kind of woman who just tended to fade into the background. Not that you were saying she was insipid, but… well, maybe you were.

But perhaps you’d better reserve judgement until you knew her better, you cautioned yourself. You yourself used to be a timid little mouse until you went out into the wide world. You either had to toughen up or else the world would eat you up, you’d learned that lesson pretty quickly. Perhaps Sarah had lived all her life in the rarified air of a country estate such as this. That would certainly explain why she had an air about her of one of those flower arrangements the Victorians liked to keep under glass domes in their parlours.

Hilda was a bubbly little thing, a few years younger than you. She was babbling happily away to you, asking where you got your dress, your hat, your shoes and who did your hair. Sensing that you had a new fan, you caught John’s eye over the tea cups and he smiled conspiratorially at you. Your lips lifted slightly in response. You could tell that he’d been trying to distract his mother’s attention from you, but that was only going to work for so long.

She turned towards you like a galleon in full sail and bared her teeth at you in a forceful smile. It reminded you of a visit you’d made to the Aquarium a few months ago. You were almost positive you’d seen the spitting image of Veronica there during your visit - flashing past you in one of the shark tanks with that same chilling grin in place, as you stood there gazing into that underwater world.

Under her regard, you very much felt like an item on that particular shark’s food chain. “My dear,” she intoned, “…my boy has told us literally nothing about you!” she glared at John, before switching her eyes back to you. “Pray do tell us something of your life to date, I’m sure it must be very interesting!”

You smiled at her, “Not really, Mrs Whittaker, but here goes! I got my degree - a First - in History of Art at Oxford, then I came down and now work at the Art Gallery in town. I’m a conservator. Well, I’m still a trainee but it’s not too bad. Eventually it will be fairly interesting once I’ve learned as much as I can about it from my mentor.” Veronica’s eyebrows rose, “Oh… an academic.” She smiled slightly more kindly at you then turned to John, “Well, that’s an improvement at least,” she said directly to him. His face pinked up and he cast an apologetic look at you.

However Veronica was not finished. She turned back to you and asked, “And your family, dear? What about them - what do they do?” You hid a smile. Pedigree was everything to the Veronicas of this world. “My father was in the army…” you noticed the frosty shutters coming down on her face again and wondered what that was all about, “…and then after the war, he started an antiques and artwork shipping company. It’s global now, doing rather well.” You saw interest spark in her eyes and her expression warmed again. “Oh, how interesting. And where do they live?” “In Sussex, on the Downs. We have a house there. And as Father’s offices are in London, a flat in Mayfair. And I have my flat here. Well… in town.”

Her expression was positively glowing by now. “How lovely!” she exclaimed, leaning forwards and motioning at one of the cake stands. “Do have a tea cake.”

You noticed John’s eyes rolling heavenwards.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After half an hour of continued small talk, you were wondering why Veronica looked so pleased, Marion and Hilda looked anxious, and Sarah didn’t look particularly pleased at all. John suddenly stood up, smiling round at his relatives and their family friend. “I’m going to give this lovely lady the Grand Tour!” he announced, holding out his hand to you.

Taking it, you nodded to the other ladies and thanked Veronica for the delicious afternoon tea. Once again, she bestowed a smile on you and then John was tugging impatiently at your hand.

He towed you along behind him, whizzing you in and out of rooms and along corridors all the while delivering a staccato list of what their functions were. Eventually he pulled you upstairs and began the same whistlestop tour you’d had on the ground floor. He arrived at one particular door and stopped. He grinned at you, “This is my bedroom. D’you want to see it?” You nodded, grinning back at him. So he opened the door and you stepped inside, taking in the ornate damask curtains, the large carved bed and heavy dark-coloured oak furniture.

“It’s very…” you ground to a halt, not sure what to say. “Last century?” he laughed, “Don’t worry, I know it is. Most of the furniture in this house is ancient.” He shrugged, “Can’t afford to replace it.” You saw a momentary flash of anxiety across his face and moved to stand closer to him.

“John? Why did your mother suddenly warm up to me?”

He sank down on the edge of the bed, a defeated look about him. “I did mention this place was sinking like the Titanic, didn’t I?” You nodded, watching him closely. “My mother desperately wanted me to marry Sarah because the Hursts have actual money. Real, folding money. Not pie-in-the-sky money, tied up in land and bricks and mortar which swallow up any available funds just by existing. Then I met Larita. She was an American racing driver at the time but had no money whatsoever, she scraped through from race to race. Like a damn fool I married her in France, and brought her back here. Can you imagine how that went down?”

You thought back to Veronica’s original icy demeanour when you first arrived. “Um.. taking a wild guess here… not very well?” He nodded, sighing. Lying back against the pillows all of a sudden, he linked his fingers behind his head. “Like a hundred-pound bomb went off. American? No money? And as far as Mother and my siblings were concerned, no class. So of course in their book, that meant no chance!” He gave a harsh laugh. “What the hell was I thinking?”

“Well, I suppose you were in love?” He shook his head, dark eyes seeking out yours, “No. I was infatuated. But definitely not in love, although I thought I was to begin with. And the infatuation quickly wore off. She was bored here, but this is my home. I wasn’t going to leave it and go off gallivanting across the world with her! Spending all the money I don’t have.” He leant up on one elbow, propping his head up on one palm, “The weirdest thing was, I come swanning back here - supposed to be almost engaged to Sarah - with another woman on my arm as my wife, and Sarah was really calm and gracious about it all. She actually became quite friendly with Larita, that’s the weird bit I’m talking about!”

He gazed up at you, “She should’ve hated her, no?”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

His logic regarding that was spot on, you thought.

Of course Sarah should’ve hated Larita, that was just a normal human reaction. By rights - and without doubt if it had been you in Sarah’s position - a huge tantrum would definitely have been thrown. So huge and enduring, it would’ve registered on the Reichter Scale.

You suspected that the supposedly shy and retiring Sarah had known exactly what she’d been doing. John’s next comments merely reinforced your viewpoint, but you kept silent.

“I mean, I was moaning to Sarah one evening about how Larita’s behaviour was beginning to grate on me, and she actually told me to be quiet and go and look after my wife!”

That was the icing on the cake as far as you were concerned. Sarah was playing some kind of long game, you decided. One of the most ancient games around in fact, ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer’.

John had admitted to you that he and Sarah’s relationship had always been sibling-like, and she was probably only too well aware of that fact. When he came back from the Riviera with a wife, there wasn’t very much she could do about it at that point but had decided to bide her time. She thought exactly the same as John’s family thought about the marriage (poorly) - but she never admitted it.

In fact she played it exactly the opposite way and ‘befriended’ the wife, who was probably only too happy to see a supposedly friendly face in amongst all the hostile Whittaker ones.

Well, well, you thought, clever little Sarah.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John had continued, “So you see, my darling mama - and I do apologise most profusely for this - is now of the opinion that you are a very good prospect indeed. She and my sisters will be worried that I’ll say or do something to frighten you away! But I assure you that in getting to know you, those are the absolute furthest thoughts in my mind.”

Her eyebrows were steadily climbing as he spoke. Seeing this reaction - John, as he was fond of doing - had moved swiftly along to another topic of conversation.

He was grinning up at her, as she stood there deep in thought. “But on another and more interesting note… the bed itself might be old, but I just had a new mattress delivered a few months ago. It’s very good.” He patted the quilt next to him, “Like to give it a try?”

He didn’t truly expect her to agree so he wasn’t too disappointed when she laughed and shook her head. “I think we’d better get back downstairs, John!” Turning and walking out of the room, she sent him a smile over her shoulder which made his heart leap again.

Sighing, he got up off the bed and followed her.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Additional A/N: In the film, I never found Sarah’s smiling acceptance of John getting married to the brash Larita believable. She either never really loved him or else she was a seething mass of jealousy under that calm exterior. And I think the latter! Also, for anyone who’s a stickler for accuracy, Easy Virtue was set in the Roaring Twenties and the Reichter Scale wasn’t introduced until 1935, so that’s fiction writer’s licence right there 😉 😁

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@paracosmenthusiast

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

[mrwinterr]

Happy

Pairing: Rockstar!Bucky Barnes AU x Female Reader

Summary: You meet your favorite artist and get more than what you bargained for. 

Warnings: Smut 18+ (consensual and protected sex, oral [male and female receiving], vaginal fingering, belly bulge, light degradation) dirty talk/language and recording. Mentions of drugs and alcohol and a tiny bit of angst.

Disclaimer: I don’t smoke regularly, so anything that has to do with drugs mentioned are techniques I’ve outweighed based on what I’ve been taught by different people. I don’t know which method works best nor am I encouraging the activity. It just came with this fic’s territory. It’s not that deep. You do you, boo. 

Title Inspiration: “Happy” by The Maine 

A/N: I might or might not have based some of this on true events. All I can say is, life is short, shoot your shot! Enjoy! 

A/N #2: There’s a Part 2 now!

“You owe me.” Your friend next to you said for probably the third time this hour. You learned earlier in the day to tune her out. She had been saying that since you persuaded her to accompany you on the weekend long road trip to the neighboring state just so you could see your favorite band…again.

Growing up your parents thought this was just another phase, but as your teenaged years passed on by and you’re now well into adulthood, you’re still a bigger stan for The Avengers as ever.

The Avengers consisted of three members: Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes. Everyone had their take on each of the guys, Steve was the nice one, Sam was the goofy one and Bucky was the bad one. It was silly. They weren’t *NSYNC or The Backstreet Boys, but the fangirls will be fangirls.

Their music wasn’t exactly mainstream, but they did very well within in their genre’s scene. They graced the covers of a couple of magazines, garnered thousands, close to millions, of views and streams online, were featured on TV every now and then, toured around the globe, sold a bunch of records, even independently, but despite all that notoriety, they stayed true to their sound and that’s what kept you around as a fan.

That and the band’s front man Bucky Barnes. 

He was hot – plain and simple. Ok, maybe he was just that to most, including your friend who couldn’t deny it, but you didn’t want to objectify the man. What their music had done to get you through the years, they were more than that. There was a level of respect there. You also didn’t buy into the “bad boy” gimmick the fans have dubbed for him. They were human beings just like the rest of us. Imagine being called something like that by the public? They just so happened to be fortunate enough to share their talent to the rest of the world.  

“You’ve already seen them. I don’t know why you think you need to for what a tenth time?” She clearly wasn’t amused by your infatuation with the band, but she was still your friend and she would always be by your side through thick and thin even if she didn’t have the same taste in music as you. You loved her for that. Who else would stand for hours in a dark room full of loud, sweaty, smelly, rude even, and sometimes drunk people with no self-control for you? She really was the real MVP.

And she was right though. You’ve already seen The Avengers perform. It was probably more, but you’ve lost count. Whenever they’re in your city or two to four hours in the next one over, you loved this band alright!

You both were polar opposites standing next to each other in line waiting for the venue doors to open. She was calm and still, arms crossed with an unamused look on her face – she could almost play as the “mom that tagged along and didn’t want to be there” – but you knew she wasn’t really mad. There was a bar inside she could occupy herself at. You on the other hand were trying to contain your excitement. You tried your best to not fidget around in anticipation so much. You didn’t want to sweat off your makeup that you managed to apply on point or get an embarrassing stain on your clothes.  

“It doesn’t matter,” was always the response you gave her, “their music means everything to me. I’ll always come out to support them.”

She playfully rolled her eyes and scoffed a bit at that. She wasn’t trying to knock you down. She knew you deeply liked the band, but she also knew another side of you, and she liked to pick at it. “Yeah that and you’re into Bucky,” she said and just flat out poked at the side of your breasts. The bra that you chose to purposely wear tonight gave your boobs an extra push and it didn’t go unnoticed by her. They were out there, tastefully, since you were hardly the flashy type. 

“Okay, but who isn’t?” You flare back swatting her hand away and trying to shut her down. You didn’t need to have this conversation with her while other fans were around. You didn’t want to sound like a fangirl. You weren’t 13 anymore.

“Chill.” She said raising her hands up in surrender. She wasn’t going to fight you on this one again.

When the top of the hour hit, the roar of the crowd signaled the doors had opened. Once inside, you hit the line to the bathroom considering you’d been outside for a few hours. You didn’t just have to pee, but you needed to freshen up. Your cheeks were a bit flushed from standing in the heat. You dabbed lightly at your face with a small blotting sheet, sprayed a bit of body spray and finished putting every hair back into place before finding your friend, who was already at the bar.

You sported a 21 and up paper wristband that was handed at the entrance, however you weren’t planning on drinking. Usually you had one or two drinks at most, but you were assuming you would be the designated driver tonight. You just always flashed your ID to the bouncer for the wristband to emphasize that you were of age. Unfortunately, some bands have had a bad reputation of fooling around with underaged girls, who lied about it.

She held up her drink to you with a smile on her face. Yeah, you were going to be the one driving back to the hotel, but at least she’s happy. She tried to coax you into ordering a drink of your own, but you only shook your head at her nonsense and stood away from the crowd.

As an avid concert goer, you’ve been to enough shows that you’d been in every section of the crowd. Hell, you’ve even gone crowd surfing before! Plus, you couldn’t hang with those vicious and hormonal fans in the crowd anymore, so you learned to enjoy the show from the back with a full view.

The opening bands were decent. You’d never heard of them, one was probably local, but you always believed live music was just as good, if not, better than opposed to being recorded and remastered at a studio. 

During their sets, you caved and bought a drink from the bar, hoping it’d help to pass the time before the headliners came on. Your friend was seemingly on her phone when a random guy approached you asking if he could buy you a drink. The house lights were on. Did he not see the can of beer in your hands? You politely declined his offer and further advances until he gave up and walked away.  

“Girl. He was cute!” Your friend said shoving you lightly.

“I wasn’t interested,” you shrug and taking a swig of your drink. 

“You’re not being fair,” she started and seeing that you weren’t catching on continued, “you can’t wait around hoping that one day Bucky will notice you. Honey, he came here to play a show and make money not look for a girlfriend.” Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh, bursting your bubble like that and all, but her intentions were good. Bucky Barnes just set the standards too high.

She wasn’t wrong. Guys like Bucky meet new people every day, met girls probably way prettier than you. The majority of their fans were female because let’s face it, the guys had sex appeal and you know what they say…sex sells.

Looking around the venue, you took in the kinds of girls you were going up against. There was a mixture of women of different backgrounds and sizes decked out in different styles, but the ones who won most of the time were the ones that looked good dressed in risqué clothing and heels. Some of them probably even wore less make-up than you or none at all. You couldn’t understand how it was effortless for some people.

It wasn’t that you had low self-esteem. You had your fair share of internal struggle, so sometimes your insecurity played its part. You had your good days and you had your bad days.

You decided upon wearing something simple that you would be comfortable in while still serving a look. And the only other significant thing you did to your make-up was add in a little more shimmer. Yeah you wanted to impress, not sell your soul to the devil.

“Okay, but I just really wasn’t interested,” you said again hoping she’d understand. She did, aware you wrestled with that demon in your head always taunting and ridiculing you that you could look better when you’re perfect just the way you are. With an added bonus of telling you that Bucky was missing out if he hasn’t noticed you already, she ordered another drink in time before the lights dimmed and ear-piercing screams erupted to alert that The Avengers finally took the stage to headline the show.

Like each of the shows you’d previously attended, they were amazing. They poured their hearts out with each beat and belt. Every lyric resonated with you so deeply. There was just so much raw emotion packed into their performance. The beauty of concerts was that they were designed to let you forget about all the bullshit happening in the world for a few hours. They were therapeutic for you.  

If you hadn’t known any better, you’d say your friend secretly liked The Avengers’ music because she broke you out of your shell and had you swaying along with her to their songs…that or it was the alcohol taking over her. You didn’t fight it and you allowed yourself to let loose.

You tried to give each member equal attention, watching them as they played, but you couldn’t help but keep your eyes on Bucky the most. They were just trained on him. His cheeky smile and onstage presence were electric. The mere sight of him, all sweaty as his clothes stuck to his skin accentuating his toned body so well, all but had you shuffling trying to ease your body’s frustration and mind.

The only time you looked away was when you swore you thought he looked at you. Making eye contact with someone on stage was kind of awkward sometimes, but with him it was almost intimidating. Believing he was probably staring at the girl behind you, you downed the rest of your drink, pushed that thought away and tried to enjoy the rest of the show.

A full set of songs that showcased their albums and a two-song encore later, you were driving yourself and your buzzed friend back to your hotel room. It wasn’t that far from the venue, electing to stay within its vicinity. Upon entering the room, you tossed the shirt you bought at the merch booth on your bed before removing your leather jacket while she face-planted down on her bed, arms wide open, letting out an exaggerated sigh of relief. You couldn’t blame her. It felt great to rest right after standing on your feet for hours.

Your back rested against the headboard, you knocked your boots and socks off a while ago and had your bare feet up on your bed. You hadn’t changed out of the rest of your clothes or even wiped off your make-up yet. Instead, you sat there skimming through the timelines of your social media accounts while you waited for your friend to get out of the shower.

You had posted a few photos and videos of the night to your story, like your outfit, a few of you and your friend sightseeing, and of The Avengers’ set. You refreshed your timeline and noticed Bucky’s account pop up before everyone else that you followed. It’s no surprise that you were following them on social media. You liked seeing them share the personal moments of their lives. They used to be interactive with their fans. Bucky had even once commented on the old photo you had with the band years ago.   

You met them after a show when they were just starting out with their first full-length album debuting that summer. Now, they hardly came out because all it took was one crazed fan to ruin it for everyone else. Their popularity sometimes deemed it unsafe for venues to let them stick around so late, restricting them from meeting their fans.

You click on Bucky’s account and go through his story. There was one of a view of the open road from their tour bus, a clip of a song he liked, a cryptic quote with a deep underlying meaning to it, him getting ready to go on stage and then of the show.

He had taken a photo of the crowd towards the end of the set, asked fans to tag themselves if they could, because the crowd was amazing…as if they didn’t say that in every town they played in.

His caption read: “Awesome crowd tonight! Probably our best show yet!” topped with how much he loved the city. Sometimes you wanted to reply to his posts like he was one of your friends, but then you second guessed yourself knowing he’d never see the message, or he would and just ignore it because he was busy. You knew it was a long shot, but what did you have to lose and what is it that they said these days? Shoot your shot.

You didn’t linger on the body of the message for too long, settling with a “Great show tonight! You guys were amazing as always! :)” hitting send and closing out the app thinking it would conceal any embarrassment that might come out of it. It was a ridiculous thought.

After surfing through the channels of the TV and picking at the food you had delivered to your room, your phone pinged. You saw that it was a notification from your social media account, but once your face unlocked the phone and the subject appeared, you nearly choked on the drink you were sipping on.

Bucky Barnes sent you a message.

Your heart pathetically started beating really fast. The phone almost slipped from your hands as you opened up the toxic app again to read what he said. He probably just sent you an emoji or something.

“Thanks for coming out.”

That was it. Okay, what did you except? A proposal. That was a fair response. He probably had some downtime and was able to reply to people. You couldn’t be that special…but thinking you could strike gold again, you started typing up a response.

“Of course! Will always be out there to support you guys! Hope the city treats you well and have a safe rest of the tour.” Yeah, that was a good one. You say to yourself thinking that would be the end of it…except it wasn’t.

“Appreciate it. You know of any good spots around here?”

Nope. You did not. Do you look up some recommendations for him? No, that’s too much. Great, you’re having a conversation with him through DMs and you can’t even genuinely contribute enough to hold it down.  

“No, not really. I’m not from here actually. My friend and I drove here just to catch the show. Maybe YELP?” Shit. You just might’ve effectively got rid of him with turning him to the Internet instead.

“No way! That’s love. Good thinking.” They came through in separate text bubbles.

Why were guys so short? You couldn’t work with that. You thought about it for a while but came up with nothing, so you sent the sassy ‘girl sticking her hand out’ emoji as a reply. Damn, you were really bad at this.

Several minutes passed by and thinking you were really done with him; you got another message. It was Bucky again and he sent you a photo. It was from your own feed; the group photo of you and his band mates all those years ago.

“I thought I recognized you.” You sat up straight as you read that message over and over, eyes bugging. Thankful your friend was taking her sweet time in the bathroom, so she wouldn’t see you all strung up.

What? There’s no way. That was a long time ago. Your thoughts spiraled at his words that had you blushing. He’s pulling your chain.

“Impossible. That was forever ago!” I guess two could play this game then.

“I swear. You tripped and fell into my arms that night.”

What the hell? He actually remembered that? Yeah, that did indeed happen. You had been waiting outside surrounded by a bunch of other chatty girls, pushing and shoving their way to get to Bucky first. By the time he turned to you and you stepped forward, you lost your footing and fell straight onto him. He played it cool, but then you heard Sam, who was trapped in his own circle of girls, signing and taking pictures away, that Bucky has girls falling for him all the time.

“OMG. That was so embarrassing, and I was so awkward!” You couldn’t even speak to him when you managed to hold your own ground. You were young then, you thought you effectively put that behind you.

“You weren’t awkward! You were cute and that’s what has stuck with me since. One of the most memorable moments.”

Yup, he was definitely pulling your chain. While you were ecstatic that you were interacting with your favorite artist, you couldn’t help but wonder why you. He was a public figure and you were just a fan.

“Is this weird?” Came through as his next message after your silence. 

Oh, no. I hope I didn’t offend him. You might as well tell it like it is and get it off your chest.

“I don’t know...just a bit. Probably because I’m just a fan? I feel like you should be careful. I mean I should be too…” You really did wonder though. How was it that people of his status were willing and freely open to people they barely knew only to get threatened of being leaked and blackmailed by their own nudes or messages? What made them trust the other party so easily with that kind of stuff? They couldn’t be that dumb. Well, you got your answer.

“I don’t think of you or anyone as just a fan, but you are right…at the same time I feel that you’re grounded enough and a good person that we can trust each other. If that makes sense.”

You weren’t sure if it did. He still didn’t really know you.

“Awe, well that’s really flattering. I totally understand that because that’s how I feel.” Did you? There was a pause between that message and the next that would come.  

“What’s your cell?”

Really? It was just that easy? Oh, okay then. Nonetheless, you still gave him your number. The DMs stopped and transferred over to text messages. You have Bucky Barnes’ phone number. What fan fic were you living in? Shit like this doesn’t just happen, does it?

The texts between you and Bucky went back and forth, some playful and some slightly suggestive, but you were completely oblivious to them thinking that was just in his nature. You found out the band was staying in for the night before heading back out on the road tomorrow afternoon off to the next city. You didn’t realize you were holding your breath when you stared at his most recent text asking if you wanted to hang out. It was kind of late, but you didn’t get a guy like Bucky Barnes asking you to hang out on the regular.

“Are you alright?” Your friend questioned breaking your train of thoughts. You could see her from your peripheral that she was towel drying the ends of her hair even though you’re still staring at your phone.

“Bucky sent me a DM inviting me to his hotel room.” You answered in a stoic demeanor, but it felt really strange coming out of your mouth.

“Okay. How long was I in the shower?” Your friend asked with her hands on her hips wanting an explanation.

You recount the details and show her the messages you and Bucky had been sending to each other. She scrolled through each of them and you could see the look of apprehension forming on her face.

“I don’t know,” she said her words trailing before giving you a worried look, “shouldn’t you be the slightest bit concerned?”

“About?” You ask taking your phone back from her.

“All of this!” She exclaimed her arms outstretched in exasperation and not understanding why you were so blinded by Bucky. “You briefly met the guy, years ago might I add, and you decide it’s okay to meet him at his hotel room in a city you don’t even live in?”

Alright, it did raise a couple of red flags, but you were a consenting adult and you lived a life of being cautious and in fear a little too much you wanted to be reckless for at least one night.

“I know you’re only looking after me, but I got to go for it. You know I like him! Sure, I may not know him on a personal level, but I’m allowed to have some fun, right?” You try reasoning with her. Just how different was all this compared to what people around the world were already doing with each other anyways?

She was a bit skeptic before reluctantly agreeing and letting you go but with the promise from you to be careful, share your location and his room number with her just in case she needed to save you or come after him. You thanked her for understanding and assured her that you’d be back before check-out in the morning.

On the drive to his hotel room, you thought about how you always imagined the different scenarios of what it’d be like when you’d ever meet Bucky again. What things you’d do differently or say. How you’d make sure to not trip or do something to embarrass yourself the next time. How you’d be more confident.

Parking was a pain in any city’s downtown, you ended up having to pay for parking twice in one night. Not surprising to you, they stayed in a nice hotel. It wasn’t over-the-top nor was it fancy, but it was definitely clean and a slight step up than of what was in your budget for booking a room.

When you’re finally at his door, you wonder if you were going to be catfished. Were there other people in his room? Were you really that special? Fuck it. Was the final thought, putting an end to the rest, and knocked at his door.

You hear a click and sliding of the chain door unlock, then you’re face-to-face with Bucky. He’s dressed down in sweats and a zip-up hoodie. He shoots you a smile and steps aside for you to come inside, there wasn’t much light offered to illuminate the room other than the ones the lamps attached on the wall between the beds and what little the TV could provide.

“Oh, thank God. You’re real.” Motherfucker. Did you really just say that?

Bucky laughed at that and you explained, honest with him, that this whole thing just felt surreal. He nodded in agreement, offering to take your jacket from you and a drink. It was alcoholic. Not denying him, you accepted it and waited to see what he would do next.

You watch him sit down on the king-sized bed with his feet up, one foot over the other. You’re standing there next to the dresser that also served as a stand for the TV he was watching a random show on. Not sure what to do, you set the drink aside, kick off your boots, leaving them next to the luggage rack, and sit on the spot next to him with a considerable amount of distance between your bodies.

It’s quiet and you’re trying to hush the voices in your head. Did he really invite you to just watch TV with him? Is this awkward for him? Oh, no. He’s going to realize I’m boring.

You feel the bed shift and you see Bucky is leaning over, opposite of you, to grab something from the nightstand. You don’t see much of what he’s doing as your view was blocked by his large back. When he changes positions, a brief spark of a flame emits from his hands. Your eyes trail up from his hands to his lips and notice it was a blunt. You were pretty sure this was a non-smoking room, but it wasn’t under your name, so it didn’t really matter in the end.

Of course, he did that kind of stuff. It was part of the lifestyle to be exposed to it. He took a steady hit and you watched as he exhaled slowly, a cloud of smoke disappearing into the air in front of him.

“Want a hit?” He asked passing and offering you the blunt.

It’d been a while since you last smoked anything. You tried it a few times and even then, you didn’t think you did it right. You stare at the neatly rolled blunt in between his thumb and forefinger, but not too long as to not let it go to waste and ash up all over the bed.

You steadily take it from him and carefully attempt to take a puff. Wrong. That puff was anything but steady. Not realizing how close you were actually sitting next to Bucky, when you tried to exhale you ended up coughing – terribly. Bucky’s face scrunches up as he braces for the impact of white smoke to hit his face.

“Oh my God,” you say covering your mouth in disbelief, but it was a bad idea because your body didn’t like that, and you ended up coughing even harder.

“I’m so sorry,” you manage to get out in between your coughing fit while passing him back the blunt and trying your best to waft at the smoke. Well, if you thought your first encounter with Bucky was embarrassing. This had to take the cake. It wasn’t proper etiquette to blow smoke in the other person’s face.

He waves it off letting you know that it wasn’t a big deal before taking another hit. He even begins to give you a few pointers to inhale in increments, until you get used to the smoke. You don’t even notice the long looks Bucky gives you hit after hit. You take a second to let the smoke stay in your mouth before you give it a second inhale, letting it process through your system before gently exhaling. It was a lot of fucking steps to remember.

“Don’t try to put too much emphasis into the exhalation,” he said as he watches you take another hit, almost perfecting it and with each puff and pass being deeper and longer than the previous, “see, you’re getting the hang of it!” He whimsically lifts his hand up for a high-five that you softly pat in return, but he seizes that moment to hold your hand instead, intertwining his fingers with yours.

The more you breathed in the more your body started to relax. All the edge was taken off and you felt good. You and Bucky continued to pass the blunt, smoking whatever was left of it and what he had with him, as you told random bits of information about yourselves to one another. By now, you and Bucky were leaning on each other, backs against the headboard, the TV barely audible as it continued to play a rerun of whatever that was on earlier.

“You know I really do remember you?” He says causing you to turn your head to look down at him. He has his gaze fixed on your hands, his thumb barely grazing the back of your hand. He’d been playing with your hand, drawing random shapes on it.  

“That’s hard for me to believe,” you answer back truthfully.  

“Why?” Bucky questions while looking up at you. He was in a slouched position, his hoodie and shirt rising up, allowing you a thin glimpse of his skin, while you sat a little higher up than him. 

You admired his handsome face, the crease lines in his forehead, the faint and not so faint marks scattered all around it, his wet lips that shone when he ran his tongue over them and the stubble that surrounded it all down to his adorable nose. Then there were those blue eyes that once put you in an overawe of intimidation, were now a bit alarming in a new sense. They were swirling and growing darker.

“You meet new people every day, Bucky. There’s no way that I could’ve been that unforgettable to you.” You just couldn’t wrap your mind around that. Staring at him, you tried to read him, but you were too faded to concentrate.  

“But you were,” he tells you in a low voice just before you notice his eyes shut and he leans in to place an experimenting kiss to your lips. He pulls back to quietly study your expression, and when you don’t show any sign of disapproval, he goes in for another.

This time with added pressure, more emotion, Bucky pulls you down by the back of your neck and casually slips his tongue in your mouth the moment your lips parted. Your heart started racing when you reciprocated his kiss, trying to keep up with him. He definitely liked to dominate. You could even slightly taste the blunt you both shared moments ago as his tongue tangled with yours.

He slips off his hoodie leaving him in a dark gray shirt. Navigating his body over yours, he pulls you down into a more comfortable position. He’s cradling the side of your face as your lips continue to move one another, getting hungrier and hungrier.

The movements cause your top to ride up, exposing your midriff. His hands wander down to caress your skin before you feel his fingers grip at the waistline of your jeans. You instantly grab his hand and stop him. This was moving all too fast for you.

Bucky didn’t press on it for too long and slipped his fingers out, running his hand back up your side and this time underneath what your tank top was covering left of your upper body. His hand snuck back out and started tugging at the material bunched underneath your breasts. When your top was finally discarded to reveal your red bra, he latched onto your neck, kissing up along your jawline and nipping at your ear, the sound of his harsh breathing sent a tingle at the contact and shivers through your entire body.

You winced when you suddenly felt one of his hands at the back of your head, yanking a handful of your hair causing your head to snap back. It gave him more access and you closed your eyes letting the sharp pain run its course and turn into something pleasurable as he practically devoured your neck. You could feel him inhale deeply, getting high on you, and possibly the lingering aroma of the drugs, and sucking tiny splotches onto your skin then licking to soothe them.  

He pushed aside the straps of your bra as his lips travelled down your shoulder before stopping at the curve of your breasts. You briefly opened your eyes to see him fixated on your chest. He uses both hands to grope them.

“You think I didn’t notice these from the stage?” He asks now looking at you, squeezing and releasing them before pulling your bra down, your breasts spilling out of the cups. He instantly latches his mouth onto a nipple, while the other hand digs in between the mattress and your back to unclasp the bra. His tongue swirled around the nub, teeth lightly grazing and sucking at the skin around it.

You run a hand through his hair, it was a little sweaty and you couldn’t blame him. It was getting hot; you could feel the heat radiating off of him. It became even more apparent after he got rid of his shirt and you feel his clammy skin on yours.

He pulls back, straddling your waist, most of his body weight falling on his knees, careful to not to crush you. Your hands cascaded down his chest and rested at his thighs. You gave them a shy squeeze, something you’ve always dreamed of doing and you were only slightly satisfied.

Bucky flashes you another smile before he braces one hand next to your head and leans back over to fish something off the nightstand. When he pulls his other hand back you notice he’s going through something on his phone. Curious, you look at his face trying to get another read at him, but this whole night was just full of surprises. He finally looks at you before speaking.

“Can I ask you something and you promise not to freak out?”

It depends.

“Yeah…” Who were you kidding? You’d gladly get on your knees for this man. He swooped in for another hard kiss, your mind turning into mush just before you could get anything else out.

“I think it’d be so hot if we recorded ourselves,” his face was so close to yours making sure that your focus was on his and only his. He must’ve felt you shift because he allowed more of his weight to drop; he was closing in on you and it was like you almost had no chance of escape. You weren’t going to lie. The way his weight was crushing you and sinking you deeper into the bed felt really nice. You were speechless. He wanted to record a sex tape with you.

“I travel so much,” he starts listing off reasons why while still cradling the side of your face again, your hand bracing his forearm, and starts kissing your face, “it gets really lonely being on the road.” At this point, he’s probably kissed every inch, “I’d love to have this...it’d be so much easier for me to come thinking about you.”

Motherfucker. His dreamy voice speaking those words into you did one hell of a number because you were aching down there plus the way his hips dragged at your still jean-clad lower region didn’t offer much relief.

“I-I don’t know,” you hesitate for a bit. What if his phone got hacked and the footage leaked?

“It’s just for me, baby. I swear,” he asks with hopeful eyes.

Sure, you could’ve had the strength to say no, but you were more than willing to be everything he desired. With your consent, he sealed it with another wild kiss. The magnitude of it setting you ablaze.

Bucky sets his phone back on the nightstand, propping it upright, camera on front face mode to display the both of you on its screen, and at the perfect angle he hits the red record button.

It’s showtime.

He revisits the mission of removing your pants and is this time successful. If you both weren’t so faded, he’d probably have an easier time taking them off, but they were tight, and you were grateful he didn’t clumsily break your ankles in the process. Chucking them somewhere off to the side, with his fingers, he traces the top pattern of the matching red lace panties you had on.

He let out a faint chuckle commenting on how red is his favorite color. Oh, you knew. You precisely chose this set just in case you got lucky. He plants kisses to your hip bones, his lips evading the area that cried out for his attention the most, and slithered down the bed, so he had your calves now placed over his shoulders.

Bucky laid gentle pecks on them and came back up to start nipping at your inner thighs, most likely leaving his mark there also, until you felt the tip of his nose hit your center. Your panties were definitely a deeper shade of red at this point. He pushed your panties to the side enough to get started.

You feel the pads of his fingers begin to rub circular motions at your clit. The first wave causing your hips to jolt involuntarily. You feel the smirk that formed on his face against your thigh at your body’s response.

“So sensitive,” he says pushing your hips back down to continue his task at hand, “and so wet,” he added while pulling his fingers away to examine your arousal that coated his long digits. You don’t take your eyes off him and you almost forget how to breathe when you watch his lips wrap around his fingers, noting his eyes closed and how his cheekbones become more prominent on an already perfect jawline as he sucked them off clean.

When Bucky opens his eyes, they’re darker than before, clouded with lust. He roughly yanked at your panties, still in his other hand, effectively tearing the overpriced garment. After giving it a few more tugs, it was long gone. Headfirst in between your legs, Bucky craved for more of you. He licked a broad strip, down up, to your clit. His tongue teased your folds before dipping inside you, the intrusion causing you to gasp. Your body withered around desperately searching for a path to release. Bucky kept at it, his nose nudging your clit with each plunge his tongue made.

Not denying you of a finish, he adds his fingers into the mix, curling them to find that spot. Noting that your eyes had closed sometime during the act, he stills, and you whine at the sudden halt. Your hand aimlessly reaches out to his face. When you find it, you open your eyes and pick your head up to find out why he had stopped. Bucky offers one of his hands for you to hold on to before speaking.

“Baby keep your eyes on me,” he orders, and his eyes don’t leave yours as his head lowers back down to your pulsing heat. You struggle to keep your eyes open and head from lolling back in ecstasy because you desperately wanted to come. Fuck, he was so talented.

The noises as a result of his onslaught were downright sinful. Bucky’s hips started to ground into the bed trying to relieve some friction of his own. His moans tremble across your entire body. There’s no warning when you come, and you don’t even give him a chance to escape your thighs that clamp around face. Not that Bucky minded, feeling you clench around his fingers as he drank in more of what your body had to offer. Bucky only then emerges when your legs fall limp against the bed.

He plops back down next to you, but as he does so, he pulls you on top of him. Your lips reattach themselves with his and the raw nature of tasting yourself on his lips drive you both mad. He hadn’t even wiped around his face, so you feel the wetness on his chin scrape across yours, staining you with your own arousal.

Your hands moved on their own from planting themselves on his firm chest then working their way down the ripples of his abs, through the trail of hair leading to the top of the waistband of his sweats. You tauntingly pulled the drawstring to loosen it before letting it go and instead grip him through the soft material. Bucky grumbled at your actions, but let you carry on.

You palmed him, getting a feel of how thick and long he was. Bucky was growing whiny with each passing move your hand made, he took matters into his own and grabbed your hand, shoving it into his pants. Your hand instinctively wraps around his hard cock and you give it a light squeeze and a few strokes, generating long drawn out moans to spew from Bucky’s mouth.

His cock felt even better with nothing separating you two. Bucky’s pants and boxers easily slide down his muscular legs, which spread apart to give you room. You maneuver south to lie on your stomach, still in between his legs, and grab his member that was curved resting at his stomach and bring it your face.

“Wait,” he says almost breathlessly. Your mouth is only inches away from the head already weeping profusely. He sits up to rest on his elbows and retrieves his phone from the nightstand. Oh.

“Okay, smile for me,” he directs, and you follow his lead before your tongue darts out at his slit and follow the ring around the tip of his cock. You pull back to savor his taste for a moment, your hands spreading the pre-cum around his shaft. Your strokes are then accompanied by the long licks you give at the sides and to his balls that your other hand had been playing with. Bucky’s head rests on his pillow so his other hand could rest on the back of your head and guide you down his length. Your mouth immediately started to water, but it made it easier for you to bob up and down. He let you move at your own pace for the most part. Bucky pushed your hair off to the side, away from your face to get a better view of the outline of his cock poking at the inside of your mouth. You let his cock drag across the inside of your cheeks a few times until it audibly popped out of your mouth.  

“Fuck me. I knew you’d be perfect.” His words mixed with his incessant moans were like honey pouring into your ears. He loved the way your eyes looked directly at him through the camera lens when you come up with a long tantalizing lick to the underside of his cock and crawling back up to straddle him.  

Bucky gets a good shot of your flushed face and breasts that had some of your drool combined with his pre-cum running down your body before dropping his phone beside him. He sits up causing you to fall back down at the other end of the bed. He picks out a condom from the nightstand and you watch as it rolls down the length of his cock. You bite your lip watching it twitch.

He’s on his knees, but sitting on the balls of his feet, you are lying down patiently waiting for him. He swipes his cock through the wetness of your pussy, prepping himself to slide in. He’s watching your reaction with each pass his dick makes. Your body is yearning for him to be inside of you, to hit that fucking spot over and over.

Just when you think he’s about to do it, he’s reaching over for that damn phone again. Out of habit, you cover your face with your hands. Not only showing the last shred of humility you had left, but also because you probably looked like a fucking bitch in heat.

Bucky pulls your hands away, he still has the phone in his hands, and he’s got it angled to playback from his point of view before he finally pushes into you. He’s big, much bigger than what you’ve experienced, you think you need a moment to adjust, but he never gives you that opportunity and you find that it doesn’t matter when he feels so good. Too good that you find it hard to breathe with each thrust he’s making because he’s hitting it so deep. You push your hands out in front of you to his lower abdomen and attempt to slow him down. Bucky shakes his head and knocks your hands out of the way.

You let out an abrupt yelp at his retaliation to your failed efforts in trying to stop him with a particularly harder and much forceful thrust. Instead, your hands grab fistfuls of the hotel bed’s white blankets and just let him have his way.

“So beautiful,” he says spreading you further then coming down on you to reclaim your lips with his. He rips your hands from their tight grips on the bed sheets to pin them down next to the sides of your head. You don’t care where his phone went, just happy to have both his hands on you. The skin-to-skin contact just hit different sometimes.

The kisses become so feral you start to feel a burn around your mouth from his stubble. Bucky rolls his hips into yours deliciously, a damn true artist, the rhythm he’s got going sends you just about over but never fully beyond the edge to prolong the climax.

Much to your dismay, Bucky withdraws away from you again, back into his previous position, a new idea popping into his wicked mind. With his hard cock still inside you, he slides his hands under your hips and hoists your lower half up towards him, resting your ass on his thighs, effectively bottoming out. You don’t hold back at the way that made you feel and let out an embarrassingly loud moan. He holds still for a second and you’re not quite sure why. You try to move by wiggling your hips, but he holds you still.

He’s staring at how close your bodies are, connected, he moves just the slightest. It causes your pussy to contract and your stomach to tighten up. He does it again in different intervals, his eyes surveying the entire thing. The next push is a little harder and when you see the devious smile breakthrough his face, he does it even more. The thrusts are much sharper and almost painful, but it quickly subsides when you feel the head of his cock probe at the right spot.

Bucky lifts your hips up higher, your back arching in bridge fashion you weren’t aware you could even do until he resumes his new pattern of thrusts again. This new position aided his cock in hitting your sweet spot a little better. He’s filming you again and resting one of his palms on your stomach. He’s not only watching, but he’s feeling the bulge in your belly from the distension caused by the jabs of his cock.  

“That’s my girl,” he praised, continuing to pound into you, “you take this cock so well.” The sight boosts Bucky’s ego and for you it actually probably wasn’t a good thing, but you’d be damned the angle did so many wonders to you right now.

“You love watching your cock go deeper and deeper inside me, Bucky?” You ask trying to look up at him from that position. Where did that come from? Your words cause him to freeze momentarily, but you could still feel his cock throbbing inside of you. He liked that.

Another impish thought running through his head, Bucky pulls out, picking you up so you’re also knee-height with him, giving you another searing kiss, then he’s behind you. He gently pushes you down, you on your elbows, Bucky leans over behind you, his soaked cock sliding up your ass resting on the small of your back as he places his phone back on the nightstand in the same position it had been in the beginning.

You don’t dare look at the screen in front of you, so you look down until you feel Bucky enter your pussy once more from behind. Your head rises and it wasn’t due to the surging pleasure, but because Bucky uses your hair as a rope to bring your body upright with his.

He thrusts up into you while he mutters incoherent slurs and lewd noises into your ear. He peppers the side of your face with wet and uncalculated kisses, his hands massaging your breasts before one of them migrates down to cup your pussy. His fingers dip in and starts another assault to your clit. You’re already tethering off the edge and on the brink of succumbing to him, but he just knew when to let up and keep you starved for more.

“Look at you,” he says, using his other hand to turn your head to face the small screen, the numbers continuing to go up. “You’re such a fucking slut for my cock,” you don’t argue with him and instead moan his name. “You like watching yourself fuck this huge cock, don’t you?” You couldn’t lie to yourself anymore; watching the two of you was hot. Your uncontrollable moans now muffled into Bucky’s palm. And he just kept egging you on, “I know I do. It’s gonna remind me just how tight this fucking pussy is.” Damn him. 

“You want to come, baby?” He asks, the speed of his fingers picking up a notch.

You pull down Bucky’s hand to respond, “Mmm, yes. Fuck! Please let me come, Bucky,” you don’t know what has possessed you, but it spurs the both of you on even more. Your next words do it for Bucky, “I want to come all over your cock,” and he’s immediately coming and spilling into the condom, still inside you, you feel his release pump through him. He’s biting your shoulder, some of his weight coming down on you, his thrusts becoming erratic, but one did the trick for you and you finally let go.

And what drives Bucky even more wild, is that you don’t stop. You keep rolling your hips into him, riding it all the way out. Bucky’s trying to hold on, with a bruising grip on your waist, his forehead resting on your back; the aftershock of his release proving too much. Your release pours out freely, you feel some of it slide down the inside of your thighs mixed with sweat.

You sag against Bucky, each of your body weight balancing against the other. You feel him scatter lazy kisses up your back and pull your face towards him to press one against your lips, moaning in satisfaction. He slowly pulls out of you with a low groan, your body feeling numb when you fall forward to lie down on the bed. Bucky discards of the condom and shuts his phone off before settling next to you.

He pushes the hair out of your face, and you, facedown, peek an eye open. He has a more than content look on his face, you notice his eyes were back to their normal color. He allows some time to pass for you both to calm down. Sleep wants to overcome your body, but it doesn’t when Bucky’s touch puts you on notice again. He runs his hand up and down your back. He’s insatiable, but he didn’t anticipate your comeback in the end and put him in a daze. He could get addicted to you.    

“Is it weird if I fly you out to Brooklyn?” He said out of nowhere. Brooklyn was thousands of miles away from where you lived. He wanted to pay your way to see him again. It was such an outlandish request. You’re starting to regain a more balanced sense of perception and thought, and you ponder on this for a few seconds. “Never mind. You think it’s weird,” he says lifting the blanket over his head turning his back to you. You could tell he was just trying to be cute.

“Oh, come on! You caught me off guard. You can’t blame me!” You respond, but he doesn’t budge. You muster up enough strength to sit up to lean over the side of his body, resting your chin on the top of his shoulder, and try to grab at the blanket. You pull it over his head and see the lazy smile etched across his pretty face. All you do is return the smile and close your eyes, basking in the post-coital bliss.  

“Stay for the night,” came as his last request and turning to lie on his back, wrapping his arms around you.

You don’t think about your car, that’s still parked nearby or care if the parking rate is probably going up by the hour and start eating at your bank account. You don’t think about how pissed your friend would be when she wakes up in the morning and you’re still not back in time. You just think about how tomorrow he’d be far away. You scoot up to give him one more kiss before laying your head to rest on him and make the best out of the present. Happy that you went with your gut on this one.

A/N: This could flop. At first, it was easy to write, but then the ending tripped me up. & while I have your attention, please let me know, anonymously or not, if there’s an interest in a Chase Collins fic? Charles Blackwood smut, anyone? Anyway, I hope this delivered! Thanks for reading!

[maggotmouth]

          hillo sexthy legends !!   i’m nora and i’ll be writing margo colby n probs sm1 else bcos lets be real, i lack self-control. u can find her pinterest here n some info abt her sexy self below the cut. plot with me on discord ( hot girl midsommar#8664 ) or in my ims !!  x o x

     * CAMILA MORRONE, CIS WOMAN + SHE / HER  | you know MARGO COLBY, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ELEVEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS  like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole BLEACH WHITE SNEAKERS POUNDING ON A GYMNASIUM FLOOR, USING THE SAME BLUNT SCISSORS TO HACK THE SLEEVES OFF AN EXES T-SHIRT THAT YOU USE TO CUT YOUR 3AM FRINGE, A WALNUT-SHAPED ACHE IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH FOR THE PERSON YOU COULD HAVE BEEN thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 8TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nora, 25, gmt, she/her )

CLICK ANYWHERE ON THIS SENTENCE FOR SEXII GOOGLE DOC!!

bullet point summary of margo.

—   born margaret but NOBODY calls her that. its colby, coach or margo, and go to the privileged few. margo grew up in the creek commune n then dropped out of school cos of a teenage pregnancy so she was a bit of a cautionary tale back in’t’day (said tht in my yorkshire accent). she now works for summer camps coaching pee wee soccer and pee wee cheer, as well as helping out her beekeeper dad on his honey farm, which is jst north of abernathy creek, and working at scuba on the off seasons.

—  its just her and her dad, and has been for as long as she can recall !! everything she knows about her mum could fit on the back of the weathered passport photo she keeps in her wallet of a stranger who shares her face - her name’s melody, or at least tht was name she used when working as a dancer, she’s from argentina and dropped mag’s dad as soon as someone w more money came along.

—  margo’s father is a beekeeper with his own organic honey company. margo and her dad moved to irving in the early 00s, the summer between grade school and middle school, because her dad had heard about the communal living in abernathy creek and wanted to lend his skills there and live off the fatta the land in a very lenny from of mice and men kinda way.

—  for a few years of middle school margo was bullied for living with the ‘freaks from the creek’, but when they realised how chill her dad was with underage drinking, margo ‘keg-bringer’ colby soon gained popularity among the more renegade students. every so often, the high school parties would happen at her end of town, occasionally with members of the commune even offering the high schoolers a spiritual experience they’d never forget (often in the form of mushrooms) which meant people tried to stay on her good side. to get an invite to a margo colby party handed you a free pass to make up the most ridiculous shit about the commune you liked and nobody else could say anything, because they’d never been to the creek.

—  at school, margo had a lot of ‘behvioural issues’ bcos of undiagnosed adhd, she found it difficult to sit still for hours n write down huge chunks of information n her restlessness was seen as laziness. she was encouraged to do sports, as were most of the kids who weren’t that academically inclined, but she turned out to be pretty hot shit at sprinting, because she grew up surrounded by bee houses and he who runs slowest gets stung, baybeyy!! so yea, in school sports became her LIFE. she was gonna get a sports scholarship to college but ended up dropping out of school in senior year n becoming one of those kids who could have had it all but lost it.

—  she had sex with sutter at a house party when she wasnt really ready because it felt like the right thing to do at the time and everybody else was doing it. she’d attended health class, she’d seen the corny videos. she knew about all the statistics, but she also knew that it had never happened to anyone she knew and the pull out method was basically safer than the morning after pill and way less expensive.

—  a teenage pregnancy knocked her out of the runnings for prom queen and meant she had to leave school early. she didn’t go to college when her friends did, instead she spent the time interviewing potential foster candidates and eating her weight in lindt chocolate while marathoning love island in her room.  

—  she had a son, who she passed off to someone else a couple of towns away.  it was a closed adoption which seemed like the best idea at the time, but she now wishes she had access to his life.

—  after peaking in high school and jumping between jobs for a few years, she got a more permanent role at scuba which she loves with all of her heart and soul, but unfortunately a bar job doesn’t pay the rent.  

—  she works at summer camps coaching  junior soccer and netball on the side. she’s extremely competitive and takes it very personally if her team lose. the kids all call her, coach colby n write her longwinded letters about how they’ll never forget this summer camp before they go back to their suburban picket fence houses n she keeps all the letters in a drawer n takes them out to read when she’s feelin depressed.

—  enjoys surfing and worked for a number of years on resorts like mila kunis’ job in forgetting sarah marshall. she went on to work 18-hour days as a stewardess on luxury yachts which is a part of her backstory i added after watching season one of below deck because i guess i really am that fucking impressionable. met most of her surf friends doing tht but said she’d never in her life do it again bcos it was mostly just picking up after rich white ppl for shit pay. she came back to irving n thats when she started doing the summer camp jobs so she could move out of the creek n get her own apartment. 

—  she never actually finished senior year so she’s currently going to night school at the community college to get through her exams and is trying to save to go to college or open university. she wants to major in criminology. she’s super ambitious but also super adhd so she fluctuates between thinking she can achieve anything to just feeling like a failure n thinkin whats the point

—  used to shoplift to feel joy and as an act of resistance to her hippy commune routes, but now sees herself as a reformed, bin-diving freegan (sims 4 eco living can i get a hell yaaaa). also she thinks it’s totally wrong to steal when you have enough money and clearly don’t need to steal to survive, ppl risk imprisonment for basic necessities, so for her to do it for a brief thrill and some new shades felt a bit derogatory

—  was raised jewish. became a vegetarian as a child because it seemed, at the time, easier than having to explain which foods she was and wasn’t allowed to eat together, so she just cut out meat entirely. still a vegetarian now and dabbles in veganism, although its become less about not eating certain meats in the milk of their mother and more about her global impact / carbon footprint

—  nurses little animals to health in her garden. has a hedgehog name OJ short for orange juice not the other one filthy pig. her and her dad have always been huge animal rights activists and existed on a vegetarian diet. the only one in their house who isn’t vegetarian is their cat, auggie. (short 4 augustus gloop)

—  has a lot of stupid ass stick and poke tattoos. there was a phase during her years as a barmaid where she wanted to train as a tattoo artist n would mostly practice on herself or any friends who would let her

—  she doesn’t form many long lasting friendships cos she tends to be super excited when she makes a new friend and just see them all the time but then it wears off and she can ghost a bit. she’ll always coming pinging back but she’s not the most predictable or loyal friend, sometimes she’ll sleep in your house every night for a week and then you won’t even get a text from her for a month. her best friends are elderly neighbours and houseless people she meets when volunteering at the foodbank. she thinks they’re more authentic than most of the ‘fake posers’ she meets down the vela pier

—  calls herself a butch lesbian but still has sex with men when she wants validation. sexually attracted to some men, especially effeminate men, but only romantically attracted to women. very possessive of the gals in her life.

—  stopped giving a shit about getting older or adhering to anyone elses bullshit standards, realised it was all fake p much as soon as she dropped out of school and one by one her friends just stopped texting her

—  lives in one of the lofts in port apartments. it’s open plan with rugs and lava lamps everywhere. she has a palette bed. its all very ‘sustainable chic’. like, oh wow, a pallet bed that im supposed to think you made from scratch but i KNOW you got it  off ebay because you thought it looked trendy

—  constantly says shes poor but still buys clothes from urban outfitters. sus.

—  frequently found at fannies flirting with the cute bisexual bartender with a choppy black bob.

general vibe / personality

vibrant, vulgar, self-absorbed, tenacious, veers bewteen apathetic and dogmatic, temperamental, flighty, unreliable, magnetic, charismatic, passive aggressive, likes to play devil’s advocate, takes the moral high ground. estp and a leo

likes: 70s music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy, cowboy chic culture, dc comics, the smell of locker rooms,, deep red lipstick, lacrosse sticks, smoking weed from a bong, dogs, karaoke, pet rats, kate moss, late-night strolls, hawaaiian shirts worn open over a bralette, skinned knees, thai food, picking the apples at the very top of the trees, zip-lining, cigarettes, the idea of pegging but not the practical application of it, decorative lamps, LGBTQ+ pin badges, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

dislikes: girls who call other girls ‘pick me’ girls, woody allen movies, mental mathematics, wealthy children, quentin tarantino, ironing, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, ‘dump him’ feminism, wes anderson films, spoken word poetry nights, college-educated bar staff who act like they’re better than you,  indie softbois, the general mentality of cheerleading squads.

aesthetics

orange peel, the smell of bleach, skeleton drawings in the margins of a journal, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, setting dumpsters on fire for the hell of it. a hit flask of vodka decorated with hello kitty stickers, split knuckles, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, a child in an oversize bee keepers suit, scabbed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you,  a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

hoo boy this is getting LONG AS FUCK but here are my wanted plots

wanted plots

ok margo’s been in irving since she was like 10. she’s quite a vivacious person?? she dresses completely instinctively without any sense of cohesion so she stands out. a guy once told her she was wearing the ugliest outfit he’d ever seen and he thought that was so cool and brave of her. but anyway where was i going.. she grew up in the abernathy creek so stuck out like a sore thumb,,,, maybe ppl who were super interested in the creek or maybe poked fun at her bcos of it idk.....

b4 she dropped out, margo used 2 b in with the cool kids at school bcos her dad would buy them booze and rarely ask for the money. maybe a fun plot cld b with some of the ‘it girls’ she used to hang around with b4 she got pregnant n dropped out and they all went off to college n stopped texting her.

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! some1 she feels like she knew before irving ???

since margo literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships. fwbs. enemies with benefits. all the angst. all the slow burn mutual pining we hate each other narratives

locals who play sports. margo wld be all over community soccer n take it way too seriously. maybe ppl she plays hockey with. girls who she’s like, weirdly intimate with but its not a thing cos the other girls straight !!! what do u mean !! aha just fun !

she works part time at scuba. i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry.

she's also a surf instructor and occasionally works as a lifeguard!! gal has like 7 jobs ik but regular swimmers hmu

ppl she coaches at the gym !! she wants to be a personal trainer

i reckon she might have recently started meditating to try and calm down her mind cos its always bustling with thoughts, n i think she’s p interested in buddhism so if anyone’s a buddhist hmu

someone she’s trying to make a zine with on female empowerment and women in film and art, etc. just a very feminist zine. 

TLDR:  angry sports gay, former high school track prodigy turned drop out, who likes feminist literature, wearing leather jackets over slip dresses, and smudged red lipstick.

this was so long !!! im sorry !! if you’ve read this far have a biscuit, love x

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sophia Jirafe

Seven of Sophia Jirafe’s fics are at Gossamer, but more of her X-Files stories are at AO3 (as sophiahelix). I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Stones and Bones. She was active in the fandom during the show’s run and has never strayed far from fandom in general. She co-founded Glass Onion, a great multi-fandom mailing list that now has nearly 1,000 fics from 100 fandoms at AO3. Big thanks to Sophia Jirafe for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It did initially, but so many old shows are on streaming now and getting discovered by new people, it makes sense.

I did get a comment from someone who said my first story under this name, posted in early 2000 when I was a college freshman, was older than her by a couple of months, and THAT took me aback.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

It was my first fandom, discovered when I was 17 and searching for info about the show on the school library computer, and it really shaped my whole life! I met a lot of people I still know today (mostly in non-fannish venues like FB, though I do still have some connections in fandom), and learned a lot about writing and just life generally, since I was younger than most of fandom at the time.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started off on a tiny forum at a website called Squirrel’s Nest, but I kept seeing people thanking Scullyfic in fic headers and eventually I was able to join the mailing list (which was capped to 500 members). Scullyfic was everything to me — I made friends, betas, discussed the show, learned about all kinds of things on Off-Topic Fridays, etc. A lot of those friends, I would email with or more often chat on AIM (individual or these sprawling group chats that would go on all day), and then at the end of 2001 we started migrating to Livejournal. I was getting into Buffy more by then, but it was still mostly the same crowd of people I knew from Scullyfic.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I feel like it started me on a whole life path really — finding that my deep obsession with fiction could be channeled like that and shared with other people, as well as deepening my writing. Online fandom has been a major part of my social life for over 20 years now, and I love the mix of getting excited about things with friends and also the creative outlet.

My corner of X-Files fandom in particular was just very calm and enjoyable for the most part, full of older professional women who were happy to be friends and give me advice about all kinds of things, and it really set the bar for me with my online interactions. Now I’m almost 40 and trying to be that person for my younger friends, as well as having no patience for toxicity and in-fighting in my fandom spaces.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

A combination of the creepy conspiracy angle and just adoring Scully. I remember how mysterious and fascinating the show seemed when I discovered it right before S5, and there was no way to find out more except to keep watching and hoping they explained. Scully was so smart and tough and beautiful and interesting, and as a teen I was just captivated by her (and the UST, though I didn’t care about Mulder as much).

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I ran across it a couple times early on but felt embarrassed by the concept, but then I read the first in Karen Rasch’s Words series and suddenly it clicked for me. After a while I started daydreaming my own conversations between them, very similar to what happens to me now when I’m getting into a new pairing, so after reading tons of recommended fic by big authors, I started writing my own (the 3-4 stories I posted in high school are all wiped from the internet now, though).

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Good memories, though because it was my senior year of high school and college, I know a lot of it is just tied to that time in my life, and also being in my very first fandom. I will rewatch episodes from time to time, but I basically never revisit former fandoms because they’re kind of like exes, even if I finished on a good note. I also think my taste in fic has changed (and there isn’t the same novelty of “characters I like getting together omg!”)

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

So many! None of them had quite the same combination of excellent central architecture (especially pre-AO3) and a really high level of discussion and friendliness without being enormous, but I’ve loved them all in their own ways. I’ve done fandom on LJ/DW, Tumblr, Discord, and now on Twitter, and I think I miss the mailing list days the most. You didn’t have to repeat yourself so much in multiple conversations, you weren’t character limited, and the discussion was all in one place, with personal stuff more confined to your side conversations. Discord is a little like that, but it moves too fast and there’s too much noise for my taste.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Heh, after X-Files I went through a whole phase of faves in the Scully vein — Buffy, Aeryn Sun, Kara Thrace, etc. Like many people I’ve shifted primarily into m/m in the last decade (Sherlock, YOI, and recently The Untamed have been my major fictional fandoms, along with a lot of sports RPF), but for non-fannish shows I’m always looking for awesome new female characters, like Elizabeth on the Americans, Peggy on Mad Men, Nadja on What We Do in the Shadows, etc. And I do LOVE Killing Eve and have written a little f/f over there.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I’ll rewatch favorite episodes occasionally, and I keep thinking about a full rewatch but it takes so much time! I never saw the second movie, and I didn’t finish the first of the new seasons because I was hating it, so it’s a little hard for me to think fannishly about them when I disliked basically everything after “Je Souhaite” so much (as far as I’m concerned the show ends there).

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

X-Files no, but yeah I’m still very active in fandoms.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I lost all my saved fic several computers ago, but I recall loving “Blue Christmas” by Plausible Deniability and “Diamonds and Rust” by MustangSally (obviously everything she wrote was great).

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Looking at my X-Files fic, I can’t believe how short it is and how comparatively little of it there is (I have lost track of a few ficlets). It felt like such a big deal to finish anything back then! I think my favorite remains Alphabetum, which involved a tricky structure and 5 elements given by people as part of the Scullyfic Improv challenge, where you had a week to write a story around those elements.

My favorite of my recent fic in fictional fandoms is probably the GoT/YOI crossover novel I wrote a couple years ago, for a completely opposite experience to this (and proof you can grow as a writer with a lot of effort!)

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

It’s honestly hard to imagine going back (like I said, I usually don’t), but I guess I could get inspired by something.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I certainly still write, and I do have to give credit to XF fandom and Scullyfic in particular for giving me the start I got, where I really wanted to be writing good fiction. The few things I wrote in high school were just me jamming out romantic cliches, but the people I was lucky to know in XF fandom showed me that “just” fanfic can still aspire to be high quality. I am a much, much better and more disciplined writer than I was back then, but I might never have started on this path without fandom friends encouraging me.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually just daydreaming about emotional dynamics between characters/people, but sometimes something specific in canon or real life (I write a lot of RPF) gets me going, or maybe something I read.

What's the story behind your pen name?

When I wrote for X-Files, I picked “Sophia Jirafe” combining my favorite first name with a fancy spelling for my favorite animal (I was 18! Don’t judge!) Over on Livejournal, my friend Jintian and I initially shared an account with the same name as our website, double_helix, and when she got her own account I changed to sophia_helix, which is now sophiahelix just about everywhere. A little clunky, but I like the continuity (and I do run across old friends who remember the name).

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

The friends I’ve known for a very long time know about it, but we have never talked about it in depth. My husband, who I met not long after getting into fandom, also knows about it, and he’s encouraging and also a writer so we talk all the time. I told my mom in college and she was pretty dismissive, so we haven’t talked about it since (but my younger sister knows and is cool about it).

When I was younger, it was something I shared readily (I bonded with a new friend in law school I saw looking at LJ), but now I don’t really bring it up with new acquaintances.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I just made a Carrd the other day with all my various fannish addresses (Twitter, locked fannish Twitter, AO3, Tumblr)

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Just that it really was a high quality fandom — so much excellent long casefic, so many cool down to earth people, just generally a great launching place for a young fan. The friendships I made with older people were really important to me, and it makes me sad to see a lot of younger people now getting upset about the idea of anyone over a certain age being in their fandom spaces. I hope someday fandom can get back to appreciating that people of all ages can be the fandom type, and that everyone brings something different to the community.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 1, 2020)

[kuramirocket]

In the grand cosmos of her life's journey, Ali Guarneros Luna discovered early on, the path to the stars is not a straight shot - but a winding course that sometimes skirts peril and disappointment.

As an engineer at NASA, Luna knows what's involved in navigating space. Her engineering fingerprints are all over numerous satellites currently orbiting the earth. And as project manager for NASA's Small Satellite Program she's worked on projects aimed at deepening understanding of what lies beyond. But her trajectory was definitely not a direct line.

"I was born in Mexico. My mother was born there. Being an immigrant in this country," Luna said, "having a harsh beginning, being a woman, it’s difficult, right?"

Luna's passion for space travel touched-off when she was seven-years-old living in her native Mexico City.

Unlike others who gaze up at the stars contemplating the meaning of the universe, Luna wondered about the machines that would make the trip possible.

"I was just so captivated at seven -- that I was like 'I want to do that!'" Luna recalled. "That’s exactly what I want to do and at that age I was like, 'I’m going to be an aerospace engineer.' My upbringing was different, I want to say, from most girls because I was never told that I had to fit certain roles. I guess it was because I was the oldest one of four. I had to step up. And the two youngest ones were boys. And I was a hyperactive child. So I never had that actually being a situation where I felt that I was not good enough in math or science. Because I had to be the boss. So it just happens that in that environment, even though I was only one of two girls within a bunch of young kids, mostly boys, I was doing what I wanted to do. And it was very exciting. So I never really had that. So with me going into aerospace engineering, I think it was an easy thing.”

After the 1985 Earthquake in Mexico City, her life changed. Ali and her mother immigrated to California and settled in San Jose, CA. With only two pieces of luggage, they left everything behind, especially close friends and family.

During the anti-immigration efforts like California Proposition 187 in 1994, school was the only thing Ali was allowed to do as her mother feared deportation. Her new schedule was limited to traveling from home to school and back, with no room to do the sports she loved. So school became her outlet — it became a safe place for her to grow up, where she could continue to learn and grow.

“So within six months of working full-time, my mother lost her job. So I became the one that supported the whole family. And I did it for about five years. It was tough because being so young and understand that my mother needed my support. And my brothers, being they were looking up to me -- it's something that's heavy when you're so young. You don't understand. But when I was growing up, I always moved on the opportunities that presented in front of me, and I did what I needed to do without looking back.”

Despite being a single mom, Ali’s mother worked hard to make sure Ali had every opportunity growing up. Ali was very athletic and participated in many sports and gymnastics, track being her favorite. When she wasn’t playing sports, she was reading the encyclopedias that her mother bought for her.

“My mother loved encyclopedias. My mother had so many. I would just sit in the living room reading about space shuttles after school because I really wanted to understand what they did.”

On the cusp of adulthood, she graduated high school and went straight into the workforce. Although she loved school, she wanted to support her mother and her family. She attempted to go to community college while working full time, but the emotional stress was overwhelming and she dropped out. In the next few years, she had four children, with two who had special needs. While caring for her children at home and researching their disabilities, she realized that she needed to go back to school.

“I saw my kids who were born with special needs, and I asked myself ‘How I can help them?’… it was clear to me that I needed to go back to school. I wanted to give them a stable life.”

Back-to-school, together. After her youngest child enrolled in kindergarten, Ali enrolled at San Jose City College and transferred to San Jose State University majoring in Aerospace Engineering. In this transition from stay-at-home mom to full-time student, she became a single parent. She was a full-time student while being a full-time mom, taking care of four children. 

"I was too old, I was not as young as any of the students, and I definitely was not in that mold of students," said Guarneros Luna. "I had four children. I didn't think of myself as someone who was going to contribute something special."

“I went and applied for an internship without thinking that I was ever going to come and work for NASA. I did have a bachelor's degree, but I was old. I was not a young person. The internship was only going to be for three months.  Because of the internship I have to leave one job and then be here. I knew it was only for three months, but the opportunity was too much to pass up. And then I became a contractor. And then it was important to apply for a civil servant. And I became a civil servant. ”

Ali has managed ten interns, introducing them to aerospace engineering through several projects including building three satellites and researching the design for return capsules for the International Space Station. Commercializing ISS has been a difficult problem for NASA and the process to ship products back and forth from the space station has to go through large space vehicles like Falcon, which takes three to six months. Space is limited on these vehicles and launching them gets very expensive. She and her team are paving the way to redesign return capsules with small payload returns so that astronauts can get the products they need for experiments in three business days rather than months later, allowing for more research to be done more efficiently.

Here is a part of the conversation with Ali Guarneros Luna, NASA Engineer and Deputy Project Manager at NASA’s Ames Research Center in Silicon Valley:

Host: When you became a civil servant you were working on some safety aspects?

Ali Guarneros Luna: Yeah. Safety mission assurance. So when I started for this small set of projected, specifically the TechEdSat, you're going through the space station. And you're dealing with humans inside. So everything you put inside the space station, you have to be careful of what you put in there and understand what are the consequences if something goes wrong.

So I was one of the group of engineers who started that process and started learning and setting it up for the following satellites that are going to be deployed from the space station. So I ended up doing all the safety data package, which is like documentation about your hardware that you put into space where you analyze all the hazards that you present to the space station or to the astronauts and then how are you going to control them and how are you going to verify them. So I was doing that. I became so good that I ended up doing every single one from the one first one to now, right?

Host: You do it right once, then they keep coming back.

Ali Guarneros Luna: Yes.

Host: This is my job now.

Ali Guarneros Luna: Yes. I was an engineer. I was part of the engineer group like two years ago. But there was an opening in safety mission assurance. Just for me to learn, I just say, "Why not? Let me go in there." So when you're an engineer and you go to school, nobody teaches you anything about that. You learn it on the job.

Despite her unique circumstances, Ali believes the challenges she experienced guided her to make the right decisions for her future. “I am resilient, if there’s a problem, there’s more than one solution”, she states, “To overcome difficult decisions, you need to plan for them…educate yourself so that you have the tools to make a plan of action.”

Every summer, Guarneros Luna gives back to her community. She goes back to San Jose State as a professor. "It's important for them to hear from somebody who did not come from a privileged background and did not come from parents that were educated," she said. "In my mind, I have that 'semillita' of education, that I wanted to get educated. A seed planted in me to go and get an education early on." The next time you look up and think your dreams like the moon are too far to reach, Guarneros Luna wants you to remember: 238,000 miles is actually closer than you think.

As an aerospace engineer, Ali is an advocate and actively promotes Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (STEM) education. She is registered with the NASA Ames Speakers Bureau and is an active participant of this program. Ali also supports yearly programs like, Girls Scouts Go Tech, SWE Get Set, Soles Science Extravaganza, Society of Women Engineers (SWE) “WOW that is Engineering”, Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers (SHPE )“Noche de Ciencia” by providing hands-on activities and tours of the labs at SJSU. In 2012, Ali had contact with the Mexican university,, Universidad Autonoma de Baja California, UABC. She hosted a 6-week workshop at SJSU for the UABC students to build and launch an armature rocket. The success of this project was greatly broadcast in Mexico and as a result the Agencia Espacial Mexican, AEM, is interested in organizing a similar program but with the involvement of more universities.

Ali is committed to encouraging young people to pursue science, technology and engineering careers. In recognition of her achievements, the Hispanic Engineering National Achievement Awards Conference (HENAAC) named Ali Guarneros Luna as one of the 2013 Luminary Honorees. In October 2015, Ali was awarded the NASA Honor Award - Equal Employment Opportunity Medal., She also received the ISS Space Award in 2014 for her contributions to SPHERES, Modular Rapidly Manufactured Small Satellite (MRMSS), Nodes and TechEdSat Series Projects:

SPHERES: For dedication and exceptional performance in the development and operations of free flying robotic satellites inside the ISS testing autonomous satellite maneuvers.

MRMSS: For dedication and exceptional performance in research and development of modular design and manufacturing processes for spacecraft systems.

Nodes: For dedication and exceptional performance in two nanosatellites that will be deployed from ISS to demonstrate networking and advanced multi-spacecraft operations

TechEdSat Series: For exceptional performance and dedication in the development, test, launch, ISS deployment, and operation of the TechEdSat Nanosatellite spaceflight mission; launching the first NASA CubeSat from the ISS. TechEdSat-3p: For exceptional performance and dedication in the development, test, launch, ISS deployment, and operation of the TechEdSat-3p Nanosatellite “Exo-Brake” spaceflight mission; launching the first 3u NASA CubeSat from the ISS.

Ali Guarneros Luna currently works with the Office of System Safety & Mission Assurance (SS&MA) at NASA Ames Research Center. Prior to her work in the SS&MA, Ali worked in Ames’ Engineering Directorate as a technical authority for small satellite development and payloads bound for the International Space Station (ISS). In the Synchronized Position Hold, Engage, Reorient, Experimental Satellites (SPHERES) National Lab, she worked as the system and safety engineer. In the Edison Program, Ali served as the system engineering, mission and ground operations, and launch vehicle service expert for multiple CubeSat projects including the Technological and Educational Nanosatellite (TechEdSat). Ali functioned as the Deputy Project Manager, ISS expert, and launch vehicle interface for the Small Spacecraft Technology (SST) program’s Nodes project. In the Sub-Orbital Aerodynamic Re-entry EXperiments (SOAREX) Series of suborbital experiments, Ali has performed in multiple engineering roles to include design, building and testing engineer. Ali is currently the deputy project manager and co-investigator for the SOAREX 9 and SOAREX 10 missions.

She received her Bachelor of Science and Master of Science degrees in Aerospace Engineering from San Jose State University (SJSU) in 2010 and 2013, respectively. Upon completion of her undergraduate degree, Ali obtained an internship at NASA Ames with the Office of the Chief Technologist. During her time as an intern, she led and helped develop education and outreach programs for SJSU. The first program was called System of Networked Autonomous Positioning Satellites (SNAPS) followed by the TechEdSat Series. As a professional engineer, Ali has lead various projects affiliated with the ISS.

During her internship at NASA Ames, Ali supported the SNAPS project, which is an evolution of the SPHERES program which aims to demonstrate the practical applications of a network of autonomous probes. SNAPS was a test bed for guidance, navigation, and control (GNC) capabilities to enable probes to navigate without human interference or the need for external control.

As a professional engineer, Ali was mission manager for TechEdSat-1. In this capacity, Ali had managerial and oversight on all technical and programmatic aspects of the NASA Ames- SJSU project. In particular, Ali provided technical contributions to both speed the development and avoid ISS define hazard that could stop the mission, through innovative design, lab testing, and qualification methods for the TechEdSat flight hardware. She also developed and engineered the Auxiliary Lateral Inhibit (ALI) Switch for safety deployment from the ISS. Ali has co-authored technical papers for the TechEdSat structure and payload including the project plan and Safety Data Package, among others. 
Her efforts enabled the project to successfully meet both ISS program and Ames Engineering Requirements. Developed, built, tested and certified for flight to the ISS in only 9 months, TechEdSat-1 was the first American CubeSat deployed from the ISS as well as being one of the first CubeSats deployed from the Station overall. TechEdSat-1 completed a life cycle with over 1000 beacon packets and 208 days of service. The TechEdSat-1 deorbited May 5th, 2013.

As a result of TechEdSat-1’s enormous success, an opportunity was presented to develop, build, test and certify TechEdSat-3P which ultimately launched to the ISS in 2013. For this mission, Ali served as a mentor to the other students and engineers as well as performed the role of safety engineer. For TechEdSat-4, launched in 2015, Ali was a radio frequency, safety and system engineer.  Currently Ali is working on TES-5 as the quality and system engineer.

Ali is the deputy project manager, liaison and lead for ISS requirements for the Network and Operation Demonstration Satellites (Nodes) mission.  This mission was deployed from the ISS in May 16th, 2016.

Developing new technology, Ali currently works with the SOAREX Series team. SOAREXserves as a test bed for a variety of re-entry and supporting technologies for use in automous sample return and other applications. Within the SOAREX team, Ali has multiple engineering roles from designing, building and serving as a testing engineer. She is also the deputy project manager and co-investigator for SOAREX 9 and SOAREX 10 missions. Ali supported the Orion Thermal Protecsion System (TPS) as a S&MA lead for the sensor on the Heat Shield (HS). She oversees the quality and safety of the design, build and testing of the sensor that would be installed in the HS for the next flight back in 2018.

In 2011 Ali was a member of the Plug-n-Play Mission Operations (PPMO) Workshop organizational committee at NASA Ames and helped organize the workshop held at SJSU. In 2013, Ali was on the student committee for the 10th International Planetary Probe Workshop (IPPW-10), which was held at SJSU the week of June 17th 2013.

Sources: (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

[griffelkinn]

All the Transwomen I Met

I've felt the need to write this and share it, for a few years.

About 5 years ago, I moved to San Francisco. I didn't know anyone in the entire state, so I spent a lot of time and effort meeting new people, and going to social events, and accepting invitations from most everybody who invited me to anything. I met a ton of people.

When I moved out there, I didn't really know anything at all about transgender people. I was told about that idea pretty quick once I got there. I thought it was really great that people were comfortable being themselves. The idea that men who enjoyed wearing stereotypically "women's" clothes, were becoming more comfortable doing that. And the idea that men were rejecting stereotypes of men that were forced onto them from childhood, so they could be themselves without shame. And the reverse... women rejecting uncomfortable stereotypes of women so they could be happy. It was an exciting idea that if more and more people started doing this, it would become more and more obvious that none of the stereotypes about what women are like and men are like are actually real. Sexism would be almost completely done away with!

I wish that was what happened. I was really excited to see it happen.

But that isn't what happened. Something bad happened.

In San Francisco, there were a LOT of transwomen. And so while I was meeting all of those people, and doing all that socializing, I ended up meeting and becoming acquaintances with a lot of transwomen. I have written a brief description of literally every single transwoman who I became friends with or got to know at all. I left none out. There are nine. I have felt like this was very important for me to share.

The first transwoman (man who likes to be called a woman) I knew, rubbed his penis on me when he thought I was sleeping. This was shortly after I told him I didn't return his romantic feelings for me, which I had told him many times already.

That same man had previously told me that he'd spent most of his young adult life pressuring girls to have sex with him.

The second transwoman I knew, became enraged when I casually commented on sexism in commercials. I thought what I said would be met with obvious agreement. I hadn't known many transwomen yet, and I thought that they would understand sexism and feminism a little more than men on average do. I learned that I was very wrong. I'd commented on how a string of commercials we watched featured men speaking with intelligence, confidence, and authority, and they featured women speaking in forced baby voices, sounding insecure, dumb, giggly, and weak.

This man advanced on me physically to where I was sitting, with another angry transwoman, very loud and mad, and was very upset with my comment. He said women like talking like that, and also their vocal cords physically are only able to talk like that. Then he said my comment could be compared to women who really want to wear high heels to work, but people don't let them. Which is obviously ridiculous, because that is exactly the opposite of reality... women are being forced by their workplaces to wear high heels, which most women hate and which injure feet. That is still a sexist reality in many places that women are fighting to end. He was somehow saying I was like the fantasy people who don't let these fantasy women wear high heels to work, because of my comment.

This same man told me that he was really respected in China, which is where he was born, because he's a woman and in China women are dominant and considered superior to men. That is true, isn't it. Yes, very accurate. Not at all incorrect or literally opposite of reality.

The third transwoman I knew got upset with me at Halloween season, when I commented that women should be offered normal costumes just like men are, rather than only "sexy" versions of costumes in most places. There should be the same options for girls and boys, and women and men. He immediately disagreed and would only repeat that "Women like wearing sexy costumes!" I repeated that girls and boys should both be offered normal costumes, and obviously if anyone, man or woman, wanted to wear a "sexy" version of a costume they should wear whatever they want. He still disagreed. He said that "women have very little opportunity to dress femininely and sexy, and Halloween is a chance they can do it." I explained that was the opposite of reality. Women have tons of times when they are allowed, encouraged, and pushed to dress femininely and "sexy". That includes work, after work, weekends, and... all other times I would say. I'm pretty sure he was thinking of men, for whom his comment would have been accurate.

That same man got very angry when I said women were made to feel they have to wear makeup, and that is bad. He became very angry. Not just a little. Very angry. He kept saying (angrily) "Women like wearing makeup!"

That same man told me he was a pedophile, and had to keep himself away from children.

That same man told me that "sexism is good for some women".

That same man supported Gamergate. That same man told me that the separation of women's and men's sports are not at all related to people's biological sex, and that men who want to be called women should compete in women's sports.

That same man told me that sexism doesn't exist at all in America, and people are treated exactly the same their whole lives whether they're female or male. (I know, it contradicts his other statement that "sexism is good for some women"). I said that I had a lifetime of many many instances where I experienced sexism. From when I was very little until the present. He mockingly told me to name just one. I was so horrified that he honestly thought I would be unable to think of a single experience of sexism, and that he was mocking me about it, that I told him that it would demean me to answer to his demand of one example. It would obviously be lowering myself too far.

That same man told me that sexism in countries outside America don't have any effect on me.

The fourth transwoman I knew, I saw a movie with. It was good, but I noticed some very obvious sexism in the portrayal of female characters and male characters, which I later learned most everybody noticed. And while most everybody including me agreed it was a great movie, the extreme sexism was obvious. After the movie I said so, how I loved it - but it was very sexist in these examples. And this man started insulting me and being very annoyed. He said venomously that the portrayals of female and male characters was "realistic", and then just as venomously asked me "What are you, a FEMinist?" Clearly he felt the only acceptable view of feminists is to hate them. Somehow he expected me to want to insist to him that I wasn't a feminist. Obviously I loudly said "Yeah. I am a feminist. Aren't you a feminist?"

I never saw him again. We had been casual friends for a few months, but apparently that interaction made us both lose the desire to try and meet up again.

That same man, weeks previously at a fast food joint, told me ever since he started taking estrogen that he's become extremely physically weak. He was grinning while describing to me how wonderfully weak he was, and clearly that was an idea that made him very happy. A personal fantasy. He said how now his arms are so weak, he can barely throw a frisbee! I asked him to arm wrestle and he beat me with no effort in one second. I'd assumed that would happen.

The fifth transwoman I knew, was a very nice person. He was kind, and fun, and not a misogynist, and didn't get angry if anyone criticized anything sexist. He also didn't mind going into men's public bathrooms. I really liked him. We were friends.

The sixth transwoman I knew was over six feet tall, and had a fantasy that men would rape him. He would only ever dress in cartoonishly sexual stripper-style outfits. He described multiple times to me how he was worried that men would rape him when he walked around in public. In a voice and level of description that made it obvious this was his personal sexual fantasy. He suggested that he and I are both equally in danger from sexual assault. I'm 5'1 and just trying to live my life. He was over 6 feet and that was his sexual fantasy. We were very different in our experiences of the threat of sexual assault.

The seventh transwoman I knew, I went to the movies with and he put his hand in my crotch area. I said "WHOA I am not comfortable with that." And I physically took his arm and returned it to his own seat. He immediately put his arm around my neck and shoulders and said in an annoyed whiny voice "Well can I at least do this?" And I had to say no again. We barely knew each other, and were not at all romantic. I had zero romantic thought of him. He clearly didn't care or consider if I did or not. It didn't affect his feelings that he should be allowed to do things like that for his pleasure.

The eighth transwoman I knew was over six feet tall and white. He came up to me suddenly and told me that he is twice as oppressed as me, because he has sexism, as a woman, like I do, and he also has "transmisogyny". I was so shocked that he would say he experiences sexism like women that I was speechless. Obviously he was a man and so he did not. He was also gigantic. I don't really know why he wanted to come up to me and tell me that he had "twice as much oppression as me". After he said it he just kind of looked at me waiting to see what I would say. That was the first instance I learned about the "oppression olympics". I had never used the word "oppression" before and very rarely heard it used in person. But I was disgusted by his competitive declaration of victimhood. Since then, of course the word "oppression" has become extremely popularly used in conversation, and that's usually a good thing, but there is definitely this unsavory world of people like him who build their identities around having the "most" oppression, like an impressive commodity, who have no basis in reality.

That same man, after my lack of response, then told me that he also doesn't have white privilege because he grew up poor.

That same man told me that he'd spent much of his life pressuring women to have sex with him.

The ninth transwoman I knew, told me he would only ever date women who shave their bodies. I know that men have no idea the level of pain and insecurity that teenage girls go through because of the forced shaving culture, so I gave him a break and replied with a kind of friendly comment that even though shaving their bodies for women is an extremely torturous social norm, everyone has preferences about their romantic partners and that's fine. Though I felt like that particular preference is specifically a preference for women suffering an unhealthy lifelong ritual born completely out of insecurity. I figured I'd just write this guy off, and there was no point in saying so. But I couldn't help poking the misogynist bear a little. He was trying to get me to hang out with him. So I asked if he just won't have a relationship with a woman who doesn't shave her body, or if he can't even stand to see them at all in any setting. Because it was summer and I love going to the beach in shorts, and I needed to know if I shouldn't invite him to to beach. I actually thought I was being funny and that he would know that, but he answered seriously that he "would feel grossed out if he looked at me." Imagine one person feeling comfortable telling someone that they would feel grossed out to look at you. That man sure felt comfortable saying it to me.

I have also known some transmen. They are usually very kind, thoughtful people. I have known some very closely for years before they decided to be transmen. Most of them, years after that decision, still fight internally against the feeling that they have to wear makeup every day or else be ugly and worthless. Most of them still mentally fight to nurture any sense of self-confidence to speak their opinions, or take up space in a group as a full person, who deserves as much free immediate respect as any other.

Those are things that women experience.

Almost all transwomen are now saying that they are not men breaking social expectations. They are women. And women are sexist stereotypes.

Men breaking social expectations would deserve respect and props for being themselves despite social pressure. That would be a cool move. But they are instead insulting women, supporting sexist stereotypes religiously, closing down women's shelters, women's rape trauma centers, and women's festivals. They are taking women's government positions, women's scholarships, and women's awards.

**CONTENT WARNING for below **

Transwomen have made it so now any and all men are allowed to go into women's bathrooms, women's changing rooms, and women's shelters. And MANY of them have been raping and murdering children and women. They've been kidnapping, videotaping, and sexually harassing women and children.

There are many myths that transgender activists send around social networking sites. There's one that is very popularly shared that says transwomen in America are in danger of being murdered. That is a lie. White transwomen in America are less likely to be murdered than white men who don't identify as a transwomen.

Even if they were in danger, that would be a separate issue from women completely, and they would deserve their own safe places to be and escape violence. They should not take away all resources to help women, and allow all men into women's changing rooms and bathrooms and prisons.

I'm pretty sure most people know that women are not allowed to talk about this. We are not allowed to speak our discomfort. If a woman says she is uncomfortable with any of that, transwomen (men) bombard her with rape threats, very descriptive rape threats involving their own penises. They also do this to any lesbian who says lesbians don't want to have sex with penises. Any woman who is a feminist. Any woman who wouldn't even call herself a feminist because that word takes a lot of courage to use, but who still speaks of helping women and ending sexist beliefs, or describes reality without pandering to make these men feel good.

I used to think the transgender social movement would bring us all leaps and bounds into a brighter future, but I really think it has dragged us all back far in time and rolled back women's rights and safety and respect many decades into the past. I used to think all those violent women-hating transwomen were just the rare bad apple, and most are good people who don't want to hurt women. But that list of transwomen that I described is every single one I've known in person. 8 out of 9 were extreme examples of the most misogynist of men. My experiences have made me wary now, and I can barely even picture in my imagination a transwoman saying the words "It's impossible to feel like a woman", or "Women deserve to be allowed to get together and talk about women's issues".

The misogynist slur TERF means: Dyke. Feminazi. Cunt. They all know this.

It pains me to see women being caught up in this social movement, clearly just trying to be polite and "politically correct", or seeking male approval. Most of them are insecure. I understand. But I wish they would speak up and be honest about the truth, and not just do whatever these men tell them they must do and say to avoid being called a TERF.

[nightwingshero]

1, 15, 25, 35, 45, 55, 65, 75, 85, 95, 100 for the OC(s) of your choice.

Thank you, love!!! 

1. Does your character have good aim?

Wren: She does, actually. She’s excellent at throwing knives and such, which shocks the hell out of her. 

Whitney: NOPE. Not even a little bit. She wouldn’t try, she would either embarrass herself and say breaking her nail as the excuse not to. 

Blair: Not...really. It got somewhat better with training with Oliver, but...there’s a reason she never played any sports. It’s not really her thing.

Camille: She does now, after training with Clint and Natasha at S.H.I.E.L.D. It took her a bit longer to get it, but she did get there eventually.

Naomi: Yes! She used to play softball when she was in high school, she’s rather athletic. Good luck challenging her to a game of darts. Just saying.  

15. Did your character ever want to be a cowboy?

Wren: No, not at all. She wanted to be a rockstar astronaut at first, something her mother thought was hilarious. Wren swore up and down that Rocketman was about her, but uh...she didn’t really get the lyrics at that young of an age. 

Whitney: Absolutely not. She was definitely a princess kind of girl. Being a cowboy was never her thing, she would rather be the princess or damsel in distress that gets swept off her feet. 

Blair: Not really. She wanted to live on Mars and be an astronaut too. She loves space and always has. Blair grew up to be an astrophysicist though...close enough. 

Camille: I could see that, sure. I don’t think it was specifically a cowboy, I think she wanted to be the Lone Ranger, like the show her father watches. She would make her dad pretend to be a bank robber so she could go after him. 

Naomi: Nope. Not at all. She was more into cops and robbers or princesses, to be honest. Cowboys just didn’t really hold her attention. The only one that could was Woody from Toy Story. 

25. Does your character experience sexism for the job/title they hold? (ie: she’s a girl, she can’t be x,y,z because only boys can be)

Wren: Not necessarily sexism, but Pratt does hit on her and stupid ass comments that piss her off. It’s borderline sexist and she’s borderline ready to punch him in the face.

Whitney: Yes, she does. She was raised treated like that, honestly, and she was raised to believe it’s okay. Joseph definitely treats her like a housewife, even as Mother of Eden’s Gate. She doesn’t know better, even though it really does piss her off. 

Blair: No, not at all. Her coworkers love her and don’t at all think that she shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing. She’s smart and well-respected in her field. And that doesn’t change with the teams at all. Blair isn’t disrespected like that, that’s a big no no. She also helps Mick with being politically correct. 

Camille: It depends on which job we’re talking about. She’s had her fair share as a doctor, her knowledge and rep questioned because she’s female. Now, in S.H.I.E.L.D., she has had moments, but not nearly that many. S.H.I.E.L.D. is known for having diverse agents, and the very few she’s witnessed be assholes, she’s corrected (or Nat has rather quickly.) With the Avengers, it’s a hard no. Her place was earned and she’s respected by members of the team, and those members are quick to address those issues when they witness someone treating her that way (they drink their respect women juice.)

Naomi: As a war correspondent, absolutely. Being told that “this is no place for a girl” was something she received a lot. But she did a badass job at it. Now, S.H.I.E.L.D. was a lot better, for sure. They welcomed her and her skills for gaining intelligence with open arms, she’s a resident badass. Once S.H.I.E.L.D. is taken down, she becomes the PR for the Avengers, in which she’s someone you don’t wanna cross. She becomes highly respected. 

35. Naptime, yes or no?

Wren: YESSSS! That girl loves naps! Give her a slice of cheesecake or some ice cream right before, and she’ll curl up on the couch and nap while watching The Twilight Zone. 

Whitney: Eh, not really. Whit is normally busy with something, and she would rather be doing something productive than nap. 

Blair: Yes! Most of it is because she’s working all hours of the night on something in the lab, so when she gets home, she’s not getting enough sleep. So! Yummy hot cocoa and naps!

Camille: Eh, she’s not known for it because she works a lot during the day, but if it happens, it’s because she’s pulling long hours and needs a break. But Camille isn’t really a frequent napper, it makes her more tired, if she’s being honest.

Naomi: Nah, that’s not really her thing. She’s used to long hours, and knows that if she naps, she won’t be able to sleep that night. So she’ll power through and maybe just go to bed a bit earlier to catch up on sleep. 

45. Would your character kill someone to get what they want?

Wren: Ehhhh...that’s a hard maybe, depending of if we’re talking pre-cult or not. Wren is morally grey, and if she had to have it, she would once she’s joined Eden’s Gate. But before? Not as likely. 

Whitney: Yes! She actually has, to be honest. Joseph and the others pretty much numb her to killing someone, so she’ll poison someone who crosses her. She literally kills with kindness. 

Blair: Absolutely not. Blair doesn’t put her personal needs/wants above the value of others and their lives. She’s very much against that and couldn’t live with herself if she did. 

Camille: I have a hard time seeing it, unless it was a mission in which it needed to be done (her wanting peace, killing bad guys for it, etc), but those are few and far between because she doesn’t do a lot of the things Natasha does. But she is a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.

Naomi: Eh, not really. If it is a “want”, its going to be revenge. But it’ll be with the right intentions and in the name of doing what’s right. She’s not as scared or worried about getting her hands dirty as long as it’s for the right reasons, not necessarily because of something she wants. 

55. Do you have any characters who despite trying their best ended up being horrible parents?

Wren: I think it would depend on how you define ‘horrible’. Because Wren tries her best to be the best mother she can be, but feels as though she’s become her father and failed Harper. Mostly because Wren kept a lot of the Wrath and Judge stuff a secret, and Harper doesn’t take kindly to that. It’s not her being a horrible mom, just making bad decisions that affect her kids (mostly Harper) negatively. 

Whitney: Yes and no. While yes, she protected her son and put him in hiding with Ivy, she still stands by Joseph for the longest time instead of leaving to be with her son and to take her daughter and sister away from danger and toxic relationships. She is able to redeem it, though. Her and Wren both, actually. 

The other three (that I chose to do this for) are good moms, so I don’t think this really applies.

65. Is your character energetic?

Wren: Oh yeah, she definitely can be when she’s comfortable. She can get pretty excited and pumped up, often making Jane, Ivy, and Whit a bit tired. Randy, Gray, and Ro just go along with it, Mel and Quinn join in and encourage it. 

Whitney: Yes and no. She really is, but she tries to keep it on a leash and not show it, because she was raised being told that it wasn’t lady like. The more she grows (as a character) and hangs with the rest of the group, she loosens up a bit. 

Blair: She can be when she’s had too much coffee. Blair is naturally mellowed out though, often being more calm. She’s not reserved at all, she just...has more of a calming upbeat presence. 

Camille: Sorta! It depends on the situation, she’s more reserved when you first meet her. There are moments when she’s with friends that she does absolutely get energetic, but she’s mostly energetic after working out or going for her morning jog. 

Naomi: No, not particularly. Like Camille, she’ll get amped up for a workout, and there may come a time where she’ll get energetic over a big event, but she’s not one to get super energetic. 

75: Do any of your characters wear glasses, sunglasses, goggles, or monocles?

Wren: She’s obsessed with aviators. She collects them, and they’re usually blue, silver, or black. She eventually steals John’s because she digs them. 

Whitney: If she’s gonna wear sunglasses, they’re either the 50′s or 60′s kind. Some cat-eyed, or those bigger glamorous butterfly styled ones. But she does have some nice Gucci and Coach glasses she’ll wear. It depends on what matches. 

Blair: She’ll wear regular sunglasses, mostly Ray Bans. She wears reading glasses from time to time, but she mainly uses contacts. Blair has a pair of backup glasses that have the tinted lens. 

Camille: She used to wear glasses when she was younger, but she eventually got Lasik, so she doesn’t wear them anymore. As for sunglasses, she wears modern cat-eyed or just rectangle ones. Anything that looks good and is her style. 

Naomi: Aviators, and that’s really it. She’s not really big into them, she has one pair of brown aviators, and that’s it. They do the job. 

85. Has your character ever been led down the wrong path because of their anger?

Wren: Absolutely. That’s the whole point of her canon, actually. The Wrath leads to her joining Eden’s Gate and becoming the Judge. She eventually redeems herself, but it does lead her down a dark path. 

Whitney: Yep. She starts killing for Eden’s Gate because of it, but it’s funny, because it’s her anger that actually helps her redeem herself and gain her freedom: killing Joseph and Ethan. 

Blair: Yes and no...? Kinda...? Like, when she woke up from her coma, she found out Carmen had left her for someone else, essentially moving on. The anger is what led to her maybe running into some unfavorable company (Leonard), where she decided to just give him her engagement ring instead of running the risk of him robbing her at the bar they happened to run into each in (his favorite bar). In her anger, she purposefully went to a bar that was known to be a frequent place for criminals. But that anger also had her moving to Star City, where she became a hero. Sometimes her anger can get her in trouble with her powers, but that gets better. It all depends on how you look at it. 

Camille: Sort of. The Civil War incident really...was something else. Camille didn’t see it as a dark path, it was what she believed was right. She was angry that something so wrong went down in Lagos, so she sees the need for restrictions and boundaries. Her siding with Tony caused turmoil between her and the others, even Steve, and it led to a huge fight at the airport while trying to bring them in. Rhodes getting hurt added salt to injury. Later, it’s shown to her that perhaps choosing the Accords was the wrong path after all. 

Naomi: Depends on how you look at it, honestly. As head of Public Relations for the Avengers, most just assumed that Naomi would be in agreement to the Accords, but she’s not. She’s angry that the government is trying to have control over them, especially after with what happened with S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra, she even says that to Camille when they’re fighting about it. She fully believes Steve and sticks with them as things become divided, and she becomes a fugitive right along with them. So, depending on what side you’re on, it’s either yes or no. 

95. If given total rule over a country, would your character step aside to turn it into a democracy?

Wren: I think this depends. I think, yes, for the most part. Wren isn’t one to be a leader, she would rather not, but can rise to the occasion when needed and if she knows it’s better she’s in charge. But she would want everything to be fair and such. It would have to be a true democracy. 

Whitney: I see her as keeping control, honestly. Whit is the kind of person that will claim she knows best, and maybe she does, but she wouldn’t relinquish control. Not when she’s never been allowed to have it. If given the opportunity to do so, this queen would absolutely rule. 

Blair: Absolutely. She would try her best to set it up with the right candidates, honestly. She wouldn’t want to put anyone in the wrong position where they can do harm, but politics are honestly not her thing. 

Camille: Yes, without hesitation. I could see her turning to Steve, because who else would know better than Captain America (and no, not that knock-off Gucci Captain America they have on The Falcon and The Winter Soldier--we don’t support Walker in the Camille and Steve household), so she would ask who would be better to hand it off to.

Naomi: She would give that up so fast, without thought. She agrees fully with Sam when he says that he’s just the soldier, because she feels something very similar. She wants nothing to do with leading something like that, she doesn’t want that responsibility. It’s why she doesn’t really join the Avengers. She has zero interest in leading. 

100. Are any of your characters queer?

Honestly, it’s safe to say that most of my OCs are. I have more queer OCs than I have straight OCs. But I have so many OCs, I’m just gonna list the ones I’ve done so far, and if you wanna know more, you can always send me an ask!

Wren: Bi, hands down. Her first relationship was with a woman named Lilith in college. She honestly preferred women in the beginning because she doesn’t trust men easily. 

Whit: She’s bi, but still in the closet. She hasn’t had a chance to really be with a woman, but the attraction is there, and so it the want to do so. 

Blair: Definitely pansexual. She thought she was just bi for the longest time, but she’s actually pansexual, and she’s comfortable with it. She was engaged to a woman before she went into a coma, and a few hook ups afterwards have been a mixture of genders. 

Camille: Straight. One of the few that I have that is, honestly. She’s tried in college, but it wasn’t for her. She supports it completely, though. One of her best friends is gay, and she went to their wedding. 

Naomi: Bi, definitely bi. She’s had a mixture of men and women in her dating history, but ultimately none of them worked out because it’s hard to have a personal life when you’re in war zones for the sake of journalism or working for S.H.I.E.L.D. where you’re undercover often in order to gather intelligence. 

[suituuup]

Pride Shenanigans

For @lilhan (ugh, it won’t let me tag) who requested fluff + smut. Thank you for your donation! :)

rated: E

word count: 2300

ao3 link

*

Beca can’t really remember what sleeping in feels like. Waking up past eight a.m. hasn’t been a thing ever since they became moms, and while she was hoping their kids would inherit her love for sleep, she wouldn’t change her current situation for the world.

Her heart has just felt so incredibly full for the past five years.

Shortly after Avery’s birth, Beca re-negotiated her contract to be able to work more from home and take care of her daughter. It just made sense, as she was growing tired of being in the spotlight and spending more time on a plane than at home with her family. As grateful as she was for her five-year-long successful career as a singer, she was more than happy to step back into a part-time producer role.

Still though, waking up at the crack of dawn kinda stings. Beca’s still half-asleep, having snatched Jacob and shoved her nipple into his mouth before his cries could wake up her wife. They left him to sleep in their bed after his middle of the night feed, she and Chloe being too exhausted to carry him back to the nursery. 

Beca was concerned at first about this co-sleeping thing, afraid she might roll over and squish their baby, but turns out she’s super cautious even while asleep.

The door squeaks open less than a minute after she started nursing, and Avery’s red head of curls pops at the foot of the bed as she climbs up, crawling on all fours like she does every day for their morning snuggling session.

“Morning baby,” Beca greets with a tired smile as Avery plops down beside her. “Did you go potty?”

Avery nods proudly. “I’m a grown up now.”

“Oh yeah?” Beca chuckles. “Since that’s the case, can you go make Mama a cup of coffee? And sweep the house and take out the garbage?”

Her suggestion’s met with an incredulous frown. “Mama, I’m not Cinderella.”

Beca stifles a laugh, smoothing her hand over Avery’s curls. Their daughter has such funny comebacks, most days. “Oh, my bad.”

Avery places her hand over Beca’s mouth, her nose scrunching up. “Mama, you stink.”

Beca hears Chloe’s barely contained giggle as her jaw drops. Avery’s attention’s already shifted to Jacob nursing. She’s silent for a while, lips pursed.

“Is one of your boobies making chocolate milk and the other normal milk?”

“No,” Beca laughs. “Just normal milk in both.”

“He eats a lot, ” she blurts out next, blinking.

A minute later, Avery announces she’s off to play with her toys and leaves the room, Chloe rolls over.

“She’s a trip,” Beca says, shaking her head as she tries to keep her amusement at bay. When Chloe leans in for a kiss, Beca pulls away lightly. “Careful, apparently I have bad morning breath.”

“Don’t care,” Chloe mumbles, pecking Beca’s lips a few times. “Happy Pride, babe.”

Beca smiles. The first Pride they went to was when they’d only been together about three months. Chloe had convinced a reluctant Beca that it would be fun, and that day happens to be one of Beca’s favorite memories over the last decade. “Happy Pride.”

“Happy Pride, baby boy, your first one,” she then gushes to Jacob, brushing a kiss to the crown of his head. “Still up to go to the parade?”

They ended up not going last year as Beca felt too sick with nausea at the start of her pregnancy, and it also happened to be very hot out.

“Yeah, definitely. I checked the weather, it shouldn’t get too hot.”

Chloe pushes a kiss to her cheek. “Okay, I’m gonna go make breakfast.”

They’re off to the parade a few hours later. Avery is wearing her ‘ my moms rock’  shirt gifted by her aunt Aubrey and Chloe painted a rainbow on each cheek. Beca kept the colors to a minimum, sticking to the face painting but otherwise wearing regular clothes, while Chloe sports her rainbow shorts and her white shirt with a cute dinosaur waving a pride flag.

It’s only an afternoon out, but they look like they’re off on a week-expedition between the stroller for when Avery gets too tired, the diaper bag and the picnic bag containing their lunch.

Chloe has Jacob strapped against her chest in his sling carrier, and Beca doubles-check that they have everything before they’re on their way.

“There might be a lot of people where we’re headed so don’t let go of my hand, K?” Beca tells Avery as they hike down the steps outside their brownstone. They live in family-friendly Park Slope, which comes alive each year during Pride as it’s also notorious for being a gay neighborhood. “And if you lose us, you find another mommy, alright?”

Avery’s Wonder Woman backpack also has Beca and Chloe’s contact information in case that happens.

“I know, Mama,” Avery says, her pigtails bouncing with each excited step. “Maybe we’ll see Noah!”

“Who’s Noah?” Beca asks in confusion.

“He’s my boyfriend,” she replies in the most natural way, and Beca gulps, glancing to Chloe. “He wears cool shirts. And he likes to clean.”

Chloe chuckles. “Then you should definitely hang onto him, sweetie.”

Beca glares at her wife for encouraging their daughter. “Don’t you think it’s a bit early to have a boyfriend, baby?”

She ignores Chloe’s eye-roll.

“Mama,” Avery sighs, in a clear ‘we’ve talked about this’ tone. “I’m a grown up, now.”

“Right, right,” Beca clears her throat. “So what do you guys do together?”

“We talk about dinosaurs and rocks.”

Beca visibly relaxes. “Oh, okay.”

They turn left on the main street and Avery asks Beca to carry her on her shoulders so she can see better.

“All good?” Beca asks, glancing towards Chloe as she holds onto Avery’s ankles to steady her.

“Yeah, he’s out,” she says as she rubs their four-month old’s back, then points across the street. “The park’s that way.”

“Mommy, Mama, look!” Avery gasps. Beca figures she’s talking about the group of five Queens, each dressed in one of the colors of a rainbow. “They’re so pretty!”

“Yeah,” Beca agrees with a smile, happy that her daughter seems to be enjoying their little outing so far. They get to the park ten minutes later, where stalls of face painting, refreshments and art and crafts are set up along one side. They find a spot under a tree, and Beca sets Avery down to spread out the blanket while Chloe unstraps Jacob.

“What’s LGBTQ mean?” Avery asks a bit later as they eat their sandwiches, pointing at one of the rainbows flags sporting the acronym.

Jacob is chilling on the blanket between his moms, munching on his teething toy.

“The L is for Lesbian, which is romantic love between two women,” Chloe starts. “The G is for gay, which is the same but between two men, the B is for bi, which is when someone has romantic love for both men and women,” she pauses, giving Avery time to process her words. “The T is when for example, a man feels like he’s actually a woman inside, in his heart, and he wants to live with his true self. And the Q… stands for Queer, and it celebrates all gender, boy, girl and those who don’t really know, and all the ways that people can love each other.” She smiles, feathering her fingers through Avery’s hair while Beca watches on, her heart soaring with love whenever she witnesses Chloe being the wonderful mom she is. “Some of that might a bit complicated for you to understand still. The most important thing to remember is that LGBTQ and Pride is all about love; how people find love in the world and how people love themselves for the way they are.”

“And love always wins over hate,” Avery states, causing their moms to look at each other with fond smiles. Chloe often says that, and clearly it made an impact on their daughter for her to remember. “Can I get a facepaint, Mommy?”

“Sure, baby.”

They eat lunch and Avery gets a rainbow dinosaur drawn on her cheek, and they lounge for a bit at the park before checking out the parade, heading home when Avery starts getting tired and cranky. After a nap for all members of the household, they bake a rainbow cake and watch a movie before dinner, and Beca feeds Jacob while Chloe takes care of Avery’s bedtime routine around eight.

Once Beca’s done, she flops back on their king-sized bed with a tired sigh, grabbing her phone and opening up instagram. Of course Chloe’s already made a post about today, uploading a picture of their family at the park with the caption:

Happy Pride everyone! #loveislove ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

Beca comments with a simple heart, setting her phone down when Chloe pads into the bedroom.

“Everyone’s asleep!” Chloe says in cheerful whisper, shutting the door behind her.

“Yay!” Beca whispers back, humming in delight when Chloe climbs on top of her and kisses her softly. “Today was a good day.”

Chloe grins. “Yeah.” She nudges her nose against Beca’s. “Are you super tired?”

The suggestiveness in her tone makes Beca shiver, and she shakes her head, leaning up to brush another kiss to Chloe’s lips as her hands slide under Chloe’s shirt to map the muscles in her lower back. Intimate moments have been scarce ever since Jacob’s birth, and Beca’s been craving more alone time with her wife over the last few months.

“We should go away soon,” she murmurs against Chloe’s lips, sighing in contentment as Chloe skips down to kiss along the side of her neck. “Just the two of us.”

She’s been reluctant to be away from Jacob for more than a few hours at a time, but he’s almost six months old, and she knows Chloe’s parents would be thrilled to have their grandkids for a whole weekend.

“Mhm,” Chloe hums against her skin, teeth grazing Beca’s pulsepoint. “We can get a hotel with a view on Central Park and sleep all day long.”

Beca groans at the thought. “Yeah. Uninterrupted sleep sounds fucking amazing.” She moans when Chloe’s hands slips past the waistband of her cotton shorts and cups her through her underwear, her back arching into the touch. “Fuck, Chlo. Missed you.”

“What do you want?” Chloe breathes, lifting her head to kiss her. “Fingers? Mouth? Strap-on?”

“Not the strap-on. Too long,” she husks, dragging Chloe’s t-shirt up and over her head. She sits up to get rid of her own shirt, her full breasts bouncing with the movement. “Take those off,” she adds, urgency leaking in her tone as she tugs on the waistband of Chloe’s pajamas bottom. Laughter bubbles up her throat when she sees Chloe’s rainbow underwear, because Chloe is  so  extra. “Oh my god.”

“You like?” Chloe asks with a cheeky grin, and Beca flips them over without warning, not sure where that sudden pelvic strength is coming from given the fact that she gave birth four months ago.

“Yeah,” Beca rasps, her lips trailing down Chloe’s chest and pulling a nipple in between them while her hand finds the other, rolling the pink bud between her thumb and pointer finger. She continues down Chloe’s smooth and toned stomach, hooking her pointer fingers into the waistband of her underwear and dragging them down her legs.

Standing up, Beca shimmies out of her own panties and settles back on the bed with her head towards the foot, sliding one leg under one of Chloe’s and the other one over her opposite hip, shuffling closer until their wet cunts make contact.

“Shit,” Chloe exhales, propping herself on her elbows as she grinds her hips down, matching Beca’s circular motions. “ Baby.”

Beca answers with a moan, a zap of pleasure coursing through her whole body as her clit rubs heavenly against Chloe with each pass. She grips Chloe’s bent knee for leverage, her rhythm picking up.

It feels so fucking good, until--

“Wait,” Beca hisses, pausing. “I’ve got a leg cramp.”

Chloe flops back with a giggle. “Fuck, we’re old.”

“Let’s switch,” Beca suggests between pants, knowing Chloe has more stamina and is overall in better shape.

“K.”

Stealing a kiss from Chloe’s lips on the way, Beca settles on her back, one hand curling around Chloe’s hip to steady her as she gets on top, sitting astride Beca in a more upright position.

Beca’s hand moves to Chloe’s thigh while Chloe braces her on Beca’s stomach as she resumes their previous rhythm, only the pressure is much better with that angle. A whimper flits through Beca’s lips as she fights to keep her eyes open. “Fuck, just like that.”

“Huh-huh,” Chloe manages, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth as her head tilts back and her back arches, the movement making her hips buck into Beca’s. “Oh god.” 

“Chlo,” Beca croaks out, digging her nails into Chloe’s flesh as she feels herself nearing her climax. “M’not gonna last long.”

“Me either,” Chloe murmurs, locking eyes with Beca as she picks up in speed.

Beca’s free hand curls into the sheet as she teteers towards the edge, her hips bucking hard as she comes. She twists her head and muffles her moan into the pillow as Chloe keeps going for a few more beats until she cries out, shuddering through her own orgasm.

Watching Chloe come is still hands down the hottest thing Beca’s witnessed to this day.

Flopping onto her side, Chloe cups Beca’s cheeks and tugs her into a tongue-heavy lip-lock.

Beca chuckles when they part, chest heaving up and down. “Happy fucking Pride.”

[famedroleplayarchive]

HAN SOOHYUN is the MAIN DANCER, VOCAL, AND RAPPER of MARIGOLD under GOLD STAR MEDIA. She was born on JULY 26, 1996. She looks a little like JUNG HAERIM (ELLY) OF WEKI MEKI.

CHARACTER INFORMATION

faceclaim: jung haerim (elly), weki meki

legal name: han soohyun

stage name: n/a

pronouns: she/her

birth date: july 26,1996

hometown: busan, sk

position: main dancer, vocal, rapper

claims: female lead in origin’s “boy in luv” music video

BIOGRAPHY

trigger warning: eating disorders, traumatic head injury, hospitalization, depression, anxiety

as a child, soohyun had been extremely energetic, in a way that her parents didn’t know how to deal with her. much like parents often don’t. so, there was an attempt to figure out what to do with the young girl. they’d thought about several options, and eventually settled on gymnastics. soohyun excelled, she loved it – but what had started as a way to get rid of the boundless energy soohyun had became what soohyun seemed to eat, drink, and breathe. while in her younger years it was nothing of the sort, she slowly grew more competitive with the sport – as did the other girls. soohyun was involved in competitions as she excelled in the field. the beam was especially her friend, she had impeccable balance and control over her body, so it was where she shined most. while her mother was no helicopter parent, she cared very much about soohyun doing well and took care that the young girl would always be at the top of her gain.

unfortunately, this lead to monitoring soohyun’s food intake to ensure she wasn’t gaining too much weight. she did what she could to keep soohyun ‘healthy,’ but tried to ensure she wouldn’t develop and lose her girlish figure while she went through puberty. but soohyun’s goal became the olympics, so she didn’t mind. she followed what guidelines she was given, and life seemed decent.

the chance never came, however. when she was fourteen, soohyun was a tthe top of the world. then, one day, she woke up in the hospital with her head swimming after she slipped and lost herself in the air when doing a flip, and smacked her head off the beam. most of the time she spent in the hospital was completely lost on her, and suffers mild amnesia from the time surrounding the fall. some nice stitches in the back of her head were kept as the only proof it even happened in her mind (and a video that soohyun will never watch from her mother’s need to record soohyun’s every performance.)

once she was released from the hospital, part of soohyun’s rehabilitation included dancing. once cleared for exercise, albeit not intense, soohyun wanted to be active again. while she wasn’t allowed to go back to gymnastics yet, soohyun figure out something, that something being dancing. every once in a while she would suffer from dizzy spells, but was told she was probably just over-exerting herself. it would take some time before she would be used to activity again, so she was probably fine. usually, it wouldn’t last long before soohyun could get back on her feet.

returning to gymnastics proved her wrong.

a diagnosis of vertigo and advisement not to return to gymnastics meant that everything she’d worked for was gone. no matter how hard she tried to return, her head would swim and she’d be left laying on the ground for hours after an attempt at a flip. doctors told her there was no real telling if it would be chronic, or if it would eventually go away – there was of course a chance, but the brain was a fickle organ. soohyun knew she couldn’t continue in gymnastics the way she wanted to if she couldn’t continue performing to the skill she had before. her dreams of being a gymnast were dashed.

dance was soohyun’s second choice.

dance change soohyun. she was less on edge, healthier – and she was no longer bothered by her overbearing mother about living out some fantasy of greatness anymore. it made life a lot easier for her; dance was more recreational than her entire life. she was allowed time to continue healing, with far less intense movements so soohyun didn’t suffer from near as many vertigo spells. life was easier.

being casted by a music company was the last thing she was expecting out of everything that had happened. soohyun and her friends had been wandering around the mall after finally escaping from hangwon. they were preparing for upcoming entrance exams when a gold star scout had handed soohyun a card and asked her to audition for the company. at a loss for words, soohyun took the card she was handed and went home.

the decision for her to go to seoul had been a family decision. neither of her parents wanted her to get injured again, not the way she had. they worried the intensity of a trainee’s life, and potentially idol’s life, would be too much for soohyun. while her spells had lessened considerably over the two years of rehab, there was always the chance they could get worse with more activity. but soohyun saw it as another chance. perhaps not in the same field, but another chance to do something she loved in a way that made it a career for her. she was a fantastic dancer, and she’d learn the rest. she was fine with that, she would work hard – but she just wanted the chance to do something she was passionate about instead of live a boring life.

it took some convincing, but her parents allowed her to go on the condition the family moved to be closer to her. thus began her trainee journey.

training under gold star hadn’t been easy. with long hours of training, sleepless nights, and the clear encouragement of competition between trainees, it didn’t take long for soohyun to fall back into bad habits. she was praised for her dance prowess and flexibility – something that was more of a focus than her vocals or rap skills, which took a clear backseat. her weight loss from the time she signed was clear and praised by coaches who stressed visuals on the women in the company. soohyun wasn’t sure how many nights she spent lying on the practice room floor with her head spinning, whether from the vertigo or her poor eating habits.

but she worked hard, she waited – and eventually, she was put into a debut group. to soohyun, it looked like a recipe for disaster – and as it happened, it turned out to be just that. element had pre-debut hype, excitement around a take on the co-ed groups that failed miserably before them. but surely that wouldn’t happen for a gold star group, right?

soohyun knew their group had been doomed from the beginning. personally, she’d been plagued by rumors and criticism since pre-debut. according to many, she was 'useless’ and 'less talented’ than the other members of the group, and her pre-debut appearance in one of origin’s music videos only seemed to make things worse. an image of being 'easy’ as rumors of in-group dating seemed to plague the group altogether made criticism heavy on soohyun’s shoulders. while it was nothing more than whispers, soohyun struggled with them nonetheless. disbandment was inevitable, but still painful and bittersweet. soohyun thought heavily about leaving the company altogether after things fell apart – she’d be free of the rumors and a lifestyle that was making her ill. not to mention, how many people successfully re-debuted after their first attempt ended so quickly? soohyun wasn’t sure.

convinced by coaches, staff, and her former members, soohyun decided to stay with gold star – but she hadn’t been enthused about it. training lost its luster and it wasn’t long before she found herself sitting across from a therapist she was referred to by gold star. she worried too much about what she could’ve done better, how she should’ve worked harder, how if she were somehow more then this wouldn’t have happened. this time, it wasn’t physical injury that seemingly ended her career, but something that seemed like it was her fault. where her life felt out of control, she took control where she could – once again, she began restricting and monitoring food intake, her anxiety heightened dramatically, and soohyun couldn’t find much to care for. she doesn’t even know how to handle her therapist, who soohyun wonders is there to just 'fix her’ to ensure she’ll continue to debut under gold star yet again.

[wondersofdreaming]

Lost Boys - SIX

Characters: August Walker / Captain Syverson / Walter Marshall

Word count: 1.500

Warnings: Mute on purpose. Stalking. Hiding. Teaching. Tracking.

Author’s note: Everything in this story is a figment of my imagination, with inspiration and snippets from the movies ‘Mission: Impossible - Fallout’, ‘Sand Castle’, ‘Nomis/Night Hunter’. This is pure fanfiction. If something doesn’t make sense, it’s not supposed to.

I do now own any of the characters from the movies that I write about in this story. Only the OFC’s are mine.

Tag: @katerka88​ @littlefreya​ @hell1129-blog​ @mitzwinchester​ @mary-ann84​ @valkavill​ @sciapod​ @henry-cavlll​ @luclittlepond​ @iloveyouyen​ @trippedmetaldetector​ @radaofrivia​ @omgkatinka​ @gothwhopper​ @fcgrizi​ @vania-marie​ @alyxkbrl​ @readings-of-a-cavill-lover​ @singeramg​ @onlyhenrys​ @henrythickcavill​ @mis-lil-red

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the list.

Feedback is appreciated.

MASTERLIST

[ONE] [TWO] [THREE] [FOUR] [FIVE] [SEVEN] [EIGHT] [NINE] [TEN]

James looked over his shoulder. He saw his younger brother walking away with a single tear streaming down his face. He couldn’t hear what his new foster parents were talking about while walking towards the car that was taking him far away from his brothers, his family. Trevor, his older brother by two minutes, stood at the end of the hall, nodding, encouraging him to keep walking. James smiled, hoping it would tell his brothers that they would find each other again.

His new foster father had a heavy hand on his shoulder as they walked farther away from Trevor. James looked into the stern look of his new foster father and the smiling face of his foster mom, who were going to take care of him until he was old enough to go search for his brothers.

“We have a son, his name is Charlie, and I hope you two will get along. He’s really excited to meet you,” Margaret Marshall was a talkative woman, and James felt safe around her, while Richard Marshall had a cold and intimidating aura around him, opposite his wife, who was warm and caring.

Charlie wasn’t ecstatic to have a ‘brother’, but he slowly warmed up to James. Charlie never pushed James to talk. Richard was a different story. He scolded James every day for not talking. James was stubborn. He wasn’t going to let the chief of police take him down.

A month came and went by fast. James’ school day had been cancelled, so they had called Margaret, who couldn’t pick him up and called Richard. He wasn’t happy to do it, but he brought James with him to the precinct.

“Sit, here, don’t touch anything. Maggie will be here in an hour to pick you up,” Richard told James and sat behind his desk. James looked around the room. There was a board filled with pictures of beaten up women, some were sporting black and blue bruises, others had bleeding wounds on them. James walked over and studied the photos. Richard was watching him closely, wondering what the young boy was thinking.

“Are you afraid, boy?” Richard asked. James turned to look Richard in the eyes.

“No, sir,” he whispered. Richard’s eyes nearly fell out of his head. He hadn’t expected the curly-haired child to speak to him.

“What do you see, boy?”

James went back to look at the women. He studied the faces, looking at their hair colour, how their bodies were built.

“They all have blonde hair.”

“What else?”

“They are all dead.”

“Does that scare you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because they look like Margaret.”

Richard’s eyes widened. He stood from his chair and went to check the pictures. He hadn’t noticed before. All the women were blonde, like his wife, were about the same height, as his wife, and the autopsy showed that they all had blue eyes, just like his wife.

“Fuck.”

Since that day Richard made sure to spend more time with James, who started talking more and more around him but kept quiet at home.

Charlie, who had warmed up to James, started taking the younger boy with him to his outings. They would venture into forests, sit on the beach, walk around the parks. Sometimes Charlie would tell James about his day in school, other times he would teach James how to track and notice different clues, the way Richard had taught Charlie.

With time did James start asking Charlie questions about the tracking. Charlie even gave his new brother a compass to always have in his pocket, should he ever get lost.

“Come on, I’ll show you where to hide if you ever need a safe place,” Charlie told him while they were scavenging for edible mushrooms in the forest. The leaves were orange, yellow and brown. The earth was moist and full of life. Charlie made sure that James knew where they were at all times until they reached a small waterfall.

“Charlie, I don’t like this,” James told his foster brother.

“Don’t be scared. It’s just a cave. You can hide from adults in here, maybe not mom, she might just be able to squeeze inside. This is where I hide from dad when he’s mad.”

“Does he get mad a lot?”

“He used to, but since you came, he has been a little less grumpy. He even smiled at nothing yesterday.”

James nodded. He promised never to tell anyone about the hiding place before they went home.

What James didn’t know was that he had to break his promise.

Margaret wanted to spend a little one-on-one time with James. She took him to the forest to search for different plants they could make a salad out of.

“Do you like Minnesota, James?” She asked and plucked a flower to put in her hair.

“I do,” he answered shortly.

“It’s going to snow soon, have you tried being in a snow fight?”

“No.”

“They’re really fun, but Richard doesn’t like them. He becomes so grumpy when someone hits him square in the chest, or worse, his face.”

Margaret chuckled and didn’t hear the sound of a branch snapping. James barely caught the end of a long black coat, before it disappeared behind a wide tree.

“Maggie?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“I want to show you this really pretty place I found; can we go there? Please?”

“Of course, honey.”

James did his best to sound calm, while he talked his little mouth off, walking towards the waterfall. He made sure to make Margaret hurry, so they had a little lead to the stalker.

“… and then Jenny wanted to kiss all the boys in the class, so she ordered us to stand in one line and then she would kiss us on the lips. We all didn’t want to do it, so Nicky told her to go kiss a frog instead, and she did and came back and told everyone that the frog was slimy and it didn’t turn into a prince,” James rambled away. He kept a loose eye on the stranger, who was walking a few hundred metres behind them. They rounded the corner and there was the waterfall.

“Come on, Maggie, hurry, it’s right in here.”

James pushed and pulled Margaret towards the icy cold water that was splashing down.

“You go in first, dear,” she said and shoved him gently to the hidden entrance of the cave. James went in but kept a hand on her shirt. He watched as she squeezed herself between the rocky walls.

“Are you okay?” He asked breathlessly.

“Yes. James, we have to be very quiet, okay? I believe that we were being followed,” she whispered to him as she pulled the young boy in for a hug.

“You… you noticed?”

“Sweetheart, I noticed him before you asked to come here. Richard has been in the police for almost 15 years. He has taught me a few tricks.”

They moved deeper into the cave, away from the light, so if the stalker tried looking inside, he wouldn’t be able to see them.

“Maggie?”

“Yes, dear?”

“When we get out of here, will you adopt me?”

“You want to be part of our family?”

“Yes, can I?”

“Of course, baby.”

“I want to change my name too.”

“Yeah? What do you want to change it to?”

“I like Walter, Walter Marshall.”

“Then we’ll start calling you Walter.”

It took an hour before Maggie was brave enough to venture to the entrance, having found no service while inside the cave. She called Richard to come and get them, then went back to sit with Jam… no, Walter.

Half an hour later they could hear Richard’s booming voice yelling at the police officers to find his wife and foster son. Maggie carried a tired Walter out of the cave into the darkening night.

“Richard? We’re over here,” Maggie exclaimed and walked in a fast pace towards her worried husband.

“Are you alright? What happened? You were so cryptic on the phone,” Richard asked.

“We were followed, so Walter brought us to the cave, and then we waited until I thought he was gone before I called you.”

“Who is Walter?”

“That is the name of our son.”

“Which son?”

“The one in my arms. We are adopting this brave boy into our family and he wants to change his name to Walter Marshall, Richard.”

“That’s great news, dear. I was going to ask you, if we should adopt him, but it seems I don’t need to ask.”

“No. Did you catch the stalker?”

“Yes. He was lurking around a few hundred metres from here, calling for you. He didn’t use your name, but he was saying things like ‘I like a good game of hide and seek.’”

“Is he the killer?” Walter asked, lifting his head from Margaret’s shoulder.

“We need to test his DNA, but we are certain he could be. Thank you for protecting your mother, son. You were very brave… Walter Matthew Marshall.”

[diarygirls]

how would u suggest someone get into tennis? it seems like such a lovely lovely sport! 💕💞

i love the enthusiasm behind this ask! i got into tennis because my dad is a big fan and he encouraged me to play, which naturally led to watching and following the sport. i assume this ask is about watching tennis -  if it’s about learning to play, sorry & just send me another ask and i can explain that! 

long answer under cut ~

so the good thing is, tennis is a pretty low-key sport to follow casually. tournaments happen all year round, but the most prestigious are the four “grand slams”: the australian open (in late jan/early feb), the french open (late may / early june), wimbledon in the uk (june/july) and the us open (in september). if you’re just getting into the sport, i’d suggest following these tournaments. each grand slam takes place over the course of 2 weeks, but the first week or so is usually unseeded or low-ranked players against high-ranked players. so unless there’s a particularly interesting matchup in the early rounds, it’s not until the second week that the matches become more competitive and the top players start to face off. basically: four times a year, follow one week of play, and you’ll have a pretty good highlight reel of the important moments in tennis that year. 

but, if you’ve never played or watched tennis before, i think even that’s a bit much and you can narrow it down more. after you’ve learned the rules of play, you can look up highlights from each match, which should be on youtube about a day after the match is played. (just look up like  “[player 1] [player 2] [quarterfinal / semifinal] [tournament] highlights”). these will show you some of the more exciting points and you can learn what a tennis point usually looks like. also, try to look up “court level” videos of significant matches or players that you like. these are generally more interesting and give you a much better picture of the effort that goes into chasing down a ball, which is hard to see from the birds-eye view that most networks stream. after following these, you can tune in for the semi-finals or the finals of the grand slam to see how a full match is played. 

finally, tennis, like most sports, is most fun when you’re rooting for somebody! you might already be drawn to a player who you have a personal connection to, or someone you’ve seen and liked in interviews. or, you could watch a bunch of matches and see if there’s someone whose style of play you like. this is like the most arbitrary part about tennis (or any sport), because most of “why” we like someone is mostly just based off of a few points we remember them playing and their public personas. so just have fun with it lol 

famous men’s players right now: roger federer, rafael nadal (federer and nadal have a famed - and friendly - rivalry), novak djokovic (considered part of the “big three” alongside federer and nadal), nick kyrgios (a chaotic fave of mine), stan wawrinka, dominic thiem, stefanos tsitsipas. famous women’s players: serena williams and her sister venus williams, ash barty, simona halep, naomi osaka, victoria azarenka. 

the next grand slam is the 2021 australian open, which begins on february 8, so you can start by following that! or, if you want to start watching earlier, there’s a ton of great old match footage on youtube, including this highlight compilation of the 2008 wimbledon final between federer and nadal (which was such a cultural moment in tennis that they made a documentary about it). 

other important note: tennis is, unfortunately, not a very accessible sport, because public tennis courts are rare and lessons can be prohibitively expensive. that said, if you get the chance to play or learn yourself (some cities’ depts. of recreation will offer lessons at subsidized rates), i’d really encourage learning the basics because it will make watching more enjoyable and make you appreciate how talented the pros are.  

this is so long i’m sorry - i hope this helps you get started. if you have any more questions feel free to just ask or dm me :-) have fun!!!! 💗🎾

[rotationalsymmetry]

Good morning world. And do you know what I’m thinking about this morning? Keiko (chill, autocorrect) on Deep Space Nine.

Partly because I’ve been thinking about how the show’s done her wrong since a few episodes into Season 1. Partly because, in the wake of the Atlanta shooting, it’s clearly past time to talk about how women of Asian descent are depicted in the media.

Rather go on and on about what the show did wrong, I’m going to start with what it did right, then move on into some suggestions for plot lines that might have gotten the audience into Keiko’s (and perhaps her daughter Molly’s) head better. Feel free to borrow for fanfic purposes. (And let me know if you do, or if someone else wrote some good Keiko and/or Molly fanfic I might enjoy.)

What's right: she’s a, not core character, but sort of second tier character who is on the show often. She has a respectable role: she’s a well-educated professional whose work is important to her, and a wife and mother. We also get hints of her having a life beyond that — not as much as I’d like, but for example at one point in the first season she’s away visiting her mother, and when she’s pregnant with her second child she keeps leading an active life. I think the show strikes an appropriate balance on sexuality: she’s married, we’re pretty sure she and Miles have sex, but she’s not presented as a sex object. And we don’t see her suffering more trauma than the other characters. As of where I'm currently at in Season 6, she's alive, and I have every reason to believe she'll stay alive through the end of the show. (A quick look at Memory Alpha confirms this.) Good stuff.

(She’s also in The Next Gen — parts of that I haven’t watched and others were a while back, so I’m going to stick to talking about her role in DS9.)

And...very nearly all the episodes she’s in, are very firmly from Mile’s perspective and not hers. (Even storylines that really should be about her: when she’s experiencing frustration at not being able to pursue her career and ends up going back to work, that episode is entirely from Mile’s perspective. She barely speaks a word in it.)

Contrast this to how Benjamin Sisko’s son and father are shown: Jake very much gets his own storylines and own life, and relationships that aren’t primarily about his father, even though his dad has a more central role in the show (and we definitely see their relationship from Benjamin’s perspective as well), and even though we rarely see Grandpa Sisko (huh, apparently his name is Joseph), you immediately get the sense of him as a strong-willed person who lives life on his own terms, and when he and Ben have conflicts you can understand his perspective easily. In spite of relatively little screen-time. Keiko gets far more screen time, but far less interiority. She’s presented in a way that’s hard to empathize with. And there’s less of a sense of who she is as an individual rather than as a role.

(BTW, if we got to see Keiko’s perspective more, whose would we see less of? Maybe Miles, who gets quite a lot of focus. Maybe Quark, maybe Julian...basically, I’m pretty sure if I went through the season and marked down which episodes were primarily about male characters vs primarily about female characters vs pretty balanced, the ratio would be telling. And it’s not like I don’t like the male characters (well, maybe I could do with less Quark) but... I don’t like them so much that I think the show is better for having shorted the women.)

I want to see Keiko have friends. I want to see her talk to other parents on the ship as a parent. That episode where Keiko’s off station and Miles has to figure out how to get their new baby to stay asleep? I want an episode where Miles is gone and Keiko has parenting struggles. Where we get into old conflicts between her and her mother or father that she has to work through as a parent herself. (This is not an unrealistic expectation -- we got that for Odo in one episode, and we got a similar thing with Kira processing her father's death while another character was dying.) I want Molly to go on her first sleep-over and Keiko to have conflicted feelings about her daughter growing up and for Molly to have conflicted feelings where she’s excited but...also kinda misses her mom.

I want to see how Keiko’s explaining the Dominion war to Molly and what she’s skipping over. I want to see Keiko worried about her husband (which, granted, we’ve seen that) and getting emotional support from someone else (which we haven’t really.) I want to see Keiko pursuing a hobby other than gardening. I want her to be really excited to introduce Molly to something that she loved growing up. (Specifically a Japanese cultural thing or not.) I want her to take Molly to a holosuite program that shows some Japanese architecture or history or gardens. I want there to be some conversation about language — sure, universal translators, but what do people speak on their own, and what does Molly grow up speaking?

(They’ve got an interracial/inter-cultural relationship and explore absolutely nothing about that.)

Since Keiko was a teacher for a while, is she absolutely obsessing over homeschooling Molly now that there’s no school?

I’m not sure I want to see Miles and Keiko have a “no one’s right” disagreement over how to raise their children, but that’s certainly a thing that could have happened. Or could happen indirectly: Miles isn’t the talking type and yet everyone on the station knows when he’s having wife troubles and are willing to give him advice. Who does Keiko get relationship advice from?

When Keiko and Miles are apart and Miles spends all his time playing darts with Julian or reenacting battles with Julian, who is Keiko connecting with?

(Side note: one thing that Brandon Sanderson does well in his fantasy novels such as the Mistborn Trilogy, is couples that are balanced in power and narrative significance. The show made a choice to have Miles be a more central character than Keiko. There’s no intrinsic reason they couldn’t have been on the same level of narrative significance.) (But even if they were going to be at unequal levels of significance, Keiko still could have been done much better.)

(And you’ll notice the show is almost going out of its way to avoid having any female characters with less significant recurring love interests. When they partner up Kira, it’s not with some guy who’s just nice and fun or a supportive boyfriend (someone analogous to what Leeta is for Julian or later Rom), somehow even though she’s one of the most powerful characters in the show (she’s second in command on the station) she keeps getting partnered up with characters who have more religious or civil power than she does, and who become very narratively significant at least for a little while. Female characters can be just love interests or family members, male characters have to be doing something big and important.)

I think the show overdoes romance, so this wouldn’t be my first choice, but...having an old flame of Keiko’s show up could be a thing that happened. Or having a thing where she notices an interesting stranger, and of course nothing happens because she’s married, but we still get to see Keiko as, you know, a woman with desires and interests that don’t always fit perfectly into her respectable well-ordered life. We could see mirror universe Keiko — I wonder what she’s like. Or some time travel alternate timeline story where she’s with someone else, or single and enjoying the single life. (Surely even if Keiko is overall happy with her life, surely sometimes she must wonder about the roads not taken.) We could have some indication that she too misses Miles when they’re not together, or we could see her excited to get more time away or get their quarters to herself while he’s away, or both because people are complicated.

What are Molly’s adventures? Who is she best friends with? Where’s her tension between growing up and becoming her own person vs wanting her parents’ love and approval? Where’s the episode where we’re all wait, she’s really not a little toddler any more, is she?

(We don’t even know what Molly thinks about having a baby brother — and that’s a huge, highly dramatic change in the life of a child.)

Where’s the episode where she desperately wants some pet that her parents don’t want her to have, or desperately wants some toy or activity that one or both thinks is unsafe, or where she wants to be on a sports team but there aren’t enough kids on the station, or where she has to say goodbye to the Bajoran friends she made, or she starts playing make believe games involving evacuating the station...

What if we got to see Keiko’s mother and learn something about her or the family history? What if Keiko had some aunt or uncle or sibling who showed up on the station some time, what might their relationship be like? Is there some family hero that Keiko’s always encouraging Molly to grow up to be like?

If the show’s writers truly couldn’t handle writing a child that young, this is Star Trek and we have time travel — there’s no reason we couldn’t have an episode involving future grown up Molly O’Brien.

What if we got some terribly retconned explanation for why Keiko, a professionally trained botanist, was mysteriously ready and eager to step into schoolteacher mode even though that’s its own profession that requires years of specialized higher education? Did...did Keiko for some reason study to be a teacher, have something go wrong, and then go with botany as Life Pursuits Take 2? (Perhaps she was pushed into being a teacher then decided she loved botany more? But she didn’t actually dislike teaching?)

What if we actually got an episode centered around her being a botanist and exploring alien plants? There’s possibilities there — heck, one of the most popular TOS episodes centered around space wheat, so why not? I want an alien planet where all the plants are yellow or hot pink because they photosynthesize with something other than chlorophyll. Why not? (Did you know there’s an old school Piers Anthony sci fi book about killer mushrooms? Not joking.)

She’s the only woman of color who’s a regular character on the show throughout the whole series. She’s one of the few Asian-descent women who’s on American TV at all. She deserved better.

And I think we should talk about how she, and other characters, could have been written better.