#just like. hearing people say 'oh i have no desire to play commander with strangers' was soooo nice because

[starlit-mansion]

getting so much validation listening to jarvis, jordan, ify and bdg talk about their experience with playing magic socially on last week's sad boys because. well tbh. i do feel both really excited to play and also like. embarrassed that i have a bad time matching against people and getting stressed about getting womped and struggling with the political dimension of commander. and if mtg content creators are fully bubblized/overly positive. then it does sort of make you feel like. there's just something that you're missing that everyone else understands. instead of just like. completely normal levels of social awkwardness among nerds

[godhasheardtruthfully]

Purge This Story 16166: A Horror Short by Sam-Amina Matthew-John Bailey

Purge This Story 16166h Rabi Al Thani 1445 / October '23

The following may be a prophecy of Sam-Amina Matthew-John Bailey. Little remains of information concerning her life (which we believe played out in this place sometime around 1444h) save that she was held to be a seer amongst her people & dedicated this (her transfixative work)”—to Ember. Whom I live to see as a mighty king among my people!”. 

This text is delivered as an appendage of songs of Sam-Amina with this warning:

“BEWARE: creative license in play & truthfully we ourselves face evil inclinations. Still. Never doubt when you have lived to see stranger days.” 

Purge This Story 16166h. Psalm1

Annabelle lived 13 years on Earth before becoming impregnated with a whole new world. 

Purge This Story 16166h. Poem 3

“Woe, whoah! Oh woe… That I had died before (I had met this moment.)” 

Four months on as she dips her honey tanned mitts into high tide waters she’ll remember to say

“Praise God I lived to see this momentous day”. 

Annabelle is naked save for clay of the Earth she smears on her body and the remnants of her thick silken cloak which shimmers green in the sun. She is captivated by her baby’s reflection in the pond water. 

Purge This Story 16166. A dirge. 

“Jesus joy of Mans desiring” she plays.

Annabelle’s a gifted cellist who doesn’t see herself as first chair, much less a violinist. Annabelle lacks the charisma she perceives of the violists while reveling in their recklessness.

Besides, Annabelle greatly prefers her private repertoire. The unplayable (sans scorn from others if they could hear). Oh well. Anything is preferable to Annabelle over the piercing pitch that punctuates her skull when the yielding heard of E stringers tune their machines. 

Simmering in the clef with the bassists Annabelle is no choir singer. An ever on Earth orphaned woman. So long as Annabelle remembers her birth parents are no more. The tales she hears shift. Sometimes a boating accident becomes being eaten by a fish. Life goes on. 

She grows up in The Church. On her worst days she screams 

“I swear to God these people! (Are consuming me, as if I myself were the fattest among the cattle calfs being buttered up for a burnt offering or the wafers served beside wine.) 

This was a life lived in vanity. Horsehairs dragged across suspended metals. The soft/steel meeting is lubricated by imported jade rosin. 

Purge This Story 16166. An Admonition (& forgiveness!) 

Young Annabelle is foolish & fears January as if it possesses the might of God Himself. She is correct, however, in her calculation that the death making angels of Allah themselves are roosting upon her threshold. 

All her virgin life on Earth Annabelle never uttered, or even comprehended, her peoples dominant tongue. Most language utterly escaped her. Her every thought of talking vanished.  Sincere attempts to meet the most pleading, violent, or romantic of advances that this woman ‘aught speak given sanity or reason dissolved upon her most strident attempts at application. Precisely like a dream wherein one finds themselves holding on to the memory of screaming in a universe that physically commands its silence. A cruel muscle memory? 

With quiet comes forgetting. Sometimes Annabelle likes this. 

It is no man that inseminates her. No baby which Annabelle begets.   

Purge This Story 16166 Never Speak of This

He Dog arrived about as soon as Annabelle is granted memory. The Smoking Man she perceives in the closet calls out to her with names worse than the like of herself. Words others pick up. 

This causes her to seek otherworldly refuge. She wonders at first if it is not Satan living in the vent just above the top bunk of the twin bed at the first place where she lived on 16th Court - With the last nearest thing to a family she experienced before being brought to this place.

         “No” she succumbs to telling herself. 

“This is He Dog”.

He Dog is minute but menacing. Rich curls of brown fur with red yellow marbled eyes. Two feet and half one inch upright. 

He Dog speaks an ancient dialect Annabelle alone comprehends well and appears to understand the whispers of her heart. 

Annabelle is immediately trained never to mention He Dog by the reactions of those around her when she shares her experiences. 

“It is okay.” She lies to herself. “He Dog understands me”. In this Annabelle is not entirely wrong. 

Purge This Story 16166 So much for my (/boundaries). 

Ballad, The town of Annabelle’s birth, Is built on a peninsula. The boundary between her people and God knows what exists in the beyond is bordered up by a thicket of trees, reeds, marshy waters and marked by a blood stained rock left by the ancestors of the towns inhabitants. Songs & epics passed through the ages of her people all warning against even nearing the shrub gates into the damp woods of the lost.

Annabelle misinterprets He Dogs ability to quietly listen to her as signs she’s found a beneficent friend. All he’s done yet is listen quietly and murmur to her in a dialect so foreign it’s one of the few things she recognizes. 

She takes him on a walk, one of the many rituals he enforces coercively at the face of maintaining his friendship with Annabelle. This may as well be protection to Annabelle. Under duress Annabelle begins to believe she must do this. 

Purge This Story 16166 Busted

Annabelle doesn’t recognize the urgency of her hunger until pale moonlight is hours past being all that’s left of the sun. Moon beams gently punctuate the pitch black canopy of trees above her. It isn’t her sight Annabelle is following, rather He Dog, who appears to have caught scent of something himself. 

Leaves are all that’s slick under her bare calloused feet. If rough skin sheathes the musician from the hot friction of metal cords on their fingertips what are twigs to Annabelles feet? Cuts to her skin when a Psalm is composed of more than just notes inked on paper? 

“He Dog No! Please!”

The blood soaked stone is rendered dimly visible by daybreak. He Dog is arrested by the border stone. Narcissus mugging himself in the pond water couldn’t be more hellishly captivated as He Dog & that boundary rock. There’s something so transfixing about the forbidden, the vain, the deadly. Annabelle must now learn why that is for herself. 

Fatigue escapes to amazement as soon as Annabelle sees, truly realizes what she is perceiving from before her mahogany eyes, the engraved markings which drink up an inheritance of spilt blood. Even dried up viscous remnants of life don’t cover this up: They make the shape of the sounds she hears. Annabelle is beginning to comprehend literacy. 

Docile no more. He Dog reveals all the ravenous might he’s been biding. “YOU MUST DO THIS ANNABELLE” he gruff’s while biting at her hands. “You are going to do this Annabelle. Listen to me. LISTEN TO ME” he bites at her feet. He Dog is growling.

Purge This Story 1666: Re: Genesis. 

It was fast all too much for Annabelle whose tears of grief overcome her ’til her head rest a’slumber on the stone. 

Annabelle dreams of a deliverance. She sees faces gathering around her. Beautiful perfumed ones with gold sashes & Biblically bright pupils. They are different from the people around town, though many townsfolk are there as well. This company is welcoming of her and feeding her grapes, juicy pomegranate seeds, honey buttered slabs of bread. 

They take her home. To the one she remembers. 

Daybreak anew. And her physical condition is worse for 24 hours of ware. He Dog is grumbling.

“Bell… You know you’re going to do as I command you”. 

She understands perfectly what is written on the rock. She’s spent hours cautiously mesmerized by its recitation. It’s lost meaning to her whether or not He Dog comprehends what lays ahead of her if… 

“Annabelle! Annabelle.”

A new voice. Beautifully carried by the damp morning air. She hears a princess, 

“Annabelle I am here with you”

She hears a Queen. 

Annabelle lifts her loosely braided crown of yellow hairs from the rock, now damp with her spit, snot, and tears along with the ever stubborn blood. She is realizing this voice progenies from her shadow. What is left of her after the sun cuts her body with its ancient starlight.

It takes seven minutes for light to travel at its namesake speed from the surface of the sun to the face of the Earth. It takes thousands of years for the same light to travel from the core of the Sun to its launching surface. Layers of fusion and convection in viscous plasma temper starlight for such a moment. 

It takes Annabelle like no time at all to at least try to seize that God cursed stone once she comprehends her shadows news:

“Do not be scared any longer. I am here. I am telling you to do this.”

The rock is heavy, sunken and grown over into the crust of the Earth. Annabelle appears weak, vulnerable. But she screams. A guttural primal force gathering howl and she picks up that rock.

Annabelle bares it. She thrusts it behind her from across her breasts. Annabelles lungs expand with mossy oxygen. She hurls herself into the unfathomable. Annabelles eyes are beaming in the face of what is ruinous.

Purge This Story 16166 Four Months Later 

Annabelle is amazed at how well her stitches are healing. How soft He is.

[bubbledumbbinch]

Yandere! Idia Shroud x Camgirl! Reader SMUT

A/N: Hello! This is my first fic I've posted on tumblr, and I'm not used to using it at all. I hope this turned out okay and you enjoy! This is a College AU, implied magicless world, and reader is a camgirl.

This fic is purely 18+, minors do not interact.

Word Count: ~4.4k

Warnings: dubcon, brief mention of blood, non consensual drug use (aphrodisiacs)

Friday night, 11:24pm, 6 minutes before your scheduled time to start “work”. You had just finished putting on your makeup and outfit, now trying to hype yourself up in the mirror.

'I can do this. This is gonna be a great show!' You told yourself, while staring at your reflection wearing the revealing outfit. Tonight’s choice was a catgirl maid costume; the maid dress just barely covering your body and showing a large amount of chest. A choker with a bell on it, cat ears, and thigh high socks.

Giving yourself a nod of encouragement, you sat down in the chair in front of your desk, where your laptop and webcam were situated, along with your ring lights, one at each side of the desk so you were well lit for the camera. Making sure you were logged into the site, your camera angle looked good, and your laptop was charging, you waited.

You loved your side gig as a camgirl. You were able to appeal to multiple people’s sexual desires while also being able to bring yourself to pleasure, sometimes more than once per stream, if there were enough donations of course. You were also able to make a decent amount of money while doing this side job, paying for college while having fun was a pretty big plus. And, if you were gonna be honest, the validation of being attractive to so many people really made you feel a lot better about yourself.

You quickly noticed your clock switch to 11:30pm. Time to start. You clicked on the set of buttons you pretty much knew by heart to get the show started. Once it did, you started up some music to fill the silence. Just some cute electronic music to dance in your chair to while you wait for the viewers to come in. You didn’t really have as many as the big camgirls but you had a few loyal people come and watch your streams, which set your heart at ease.

5 viewers

cay-kun @ 11:31pm: wooow y/n-chan, you look so cute! excited for tonight’s show~

User18535 @ 11:32pm: fuck you’re so goddamn cute, i love your tits. can’t wait to see what that pussy looks like

10 viewers

You playfully giggled while reading the last message, winking and sticking your tongue out while flashing the camera your panties from under your skirt. While waiting for more people to join, you also made a point to talk to your viewers, asking about their day and what they’ve been up to recently, which they loved you for.

25 viewers

User58273 @ 11:34pm: You look so kawaii, I wish I could have you service me.

40 viewers

Glancing at the viewer count, you decide to officially start.

“Hi hiii~ I’m so happy to see you all here tonight! Let’s have some fun, hmm?” you started playfully. “Do you guys like my outfit?” Messages of “yes” and “yeah baby”s began flooding the chat and you grinned. “Well, I have something that will be a real treat for you all~”

You reached over to grab something that couldn’t be seen by the camera or the viewers.

~~~~~

Idia was browsing through the site full of nude streamers, trying to find a person to watch so he could relieve his tension from this week. It was midterms season and his Computer Science teachers were giving him hell by making him do in person presentations, exams, and assignments that kept piling up. It took a lot of time away from gaming and side projects of coding his own programs. He also unfortunately didn’t have his little brother Ortho with him in college, as the university didn’t allow them both to attend “as one student”. Ortho definitely eased some stress as someone he could trust and talk to, but Idia’s parents decided to keep Ortho at home to “prevent Idia from being distracted”, much to his dismay.

Idia was at least blessed to not have a roommate, so he could at least have his own privacy for nights like this. Idia’s eyes landed on a thumbnail of a girl that was dressed in cat ears and a lewd maid outfit and was intrigued. He clicked on the video icon and was met with your figure bent so that your ass was up and legs were spread on the chair you were previously sitting on. The girl on the stream had her panties down to her knees and was currently lubing up a cat tail butt plug.

“Ah, I’ve never used this before so, bear with me, please!” She pleaded, eyes looking directly at the camera. Idia was intrigued now this was her first time using it. He felt like this was perfect timing, almost like she was doing it just for him. Until he saw the comments flooding in from different people who were probably thinking the same way.

“Put it in already”

“Go slow okay~”

“don’t force yourself if you don’t want to! >//<”

“Tch,” Idia scoffed to himself. “Seems like she has simps already. No use in being interested in someo-“

“H- here it goes!” You moaned, starting to slowly shove the length and girth of the butt plug into your tight hole. “Aaanh~ it’s stretching me out...” Your eyes pricked with tears while your face contorted into pure pleasure with a hint of pain, all while staring at the camera. Every so often he could hear the little jingle from the bell on your choker.

Idia felt his pants getting tighter and his palms were starting to sweat. The face you made at him was just too unreal and he needed more. He palmed at his growing erection while you shivered at the feeling of being filled by the toy. Pulling his sweatpants down to his ankles, he started stroking his cock lightly.

cay-kun @ 11:38pm: oh y/n-chan the way that stretches out your hole is so sexy~ definitely taking a screenshot for later!

User39748 @ 11:38pm: SHIT i wish i was there fucking you with that in your ass

Blushing, you turned around so that one of your legs were in the chair while your other was up, effectively showing the camera a view of your pussy and butt plug. “What do you want me to do? I’ll just play with myself until someone makes a donation and tells me what I should do! Highest bidder within the next minute~.” With that, you looked into the camera again while soaking your middle and ring fingers with saliva and bringing them to your clit, rubbing small circles into it.

Idia realized that, even now, he wanted to have some kind of control over you. He had a lot of disposable income, being from a pretty rich family. The blue haired boy grabbed his credit card and began to type.

Ignia has donated $100!

Your eyes widened and you gasped slightly. Idia bit his bottom lip at the sight. “Ah, Ignia! Thank you for the donation, you’re new here! Welcome, what would you like to see me do~?” You smiled while looking at the camera. Idia felt like you were staring into his soul and he was sweating profusely. He thought for a minute, gulped, and decided to send a message.

Ignia @ 11:43pm: I want you to keep watching my messages and do what I say, kitten. First I want you to grab a vibrating dildo if you have one and put it at the lowest setting, then fuck yourself slowly with it.

Idia would never have the balls to be this bold with anybody. But this is the internet, so fuck it, he’ll be truthful and just say what he wanted.

You nodded and proceeded to grab one from the table of toys you had next to your desk, lubed it slightly, and did what he told you to. You moaned at the intrusion and the feeling of being filled. “Mmh, it feels so good..!” You cried out.

Ignia has donated $50!

Ignia @ 11:45pm: And by the way, call me Master. You don’t get to cum until I say so.

You shivered at this stranger’s boldness and quietly spoke, “Yes, master...” you looked away shyly from the camera and closed your eyes for a minute, thrusting the vibrating device in and out of your wetness. A couple of moans slipped through your mouth as you felt your juices spreading onto your legs.

Ignia @ 11:47pm: Faster. Fuck yourself faster for me, kitten, and put it on the medium setting for me.

You did as you were told, fingers trembling to follow what the stranger had told you. Your (h/c) hair was starting to feel moist from your layer of sweat and your body was heating up, causing your breasts to stick to the costume.

Ignia @ 11:49pm: Take your tits out and play with your nipples

You panted heavily and lowered your chest area’s covering, revealing the sheen of sweat around your tits. Flicking your left nipple while working the dildo with your right, your hands were occupied with pleasing yourself as this stranger commanded, moaning out. “Aah, m-master, f-feels so go-ood~!”

Idia was smirking, stroking hard at his cock at the sight and idea of you actually doing what he said almost made him cum then and there, but he stopped himself. He couldn’t help the rapid beating of his heart when you said the last sentence. Idia felt special. The power he had over you was addicting and he wanted to see you push yourself over the edge under his command.

65 viewers

User58273: Fuck this is so hot, I wish I could be your master too

Seeing this comment somehow made Idia seethe. He didn’t want to share you, even though this was his first stream with you. You made him feel special. He started typing out his draft of what to reply to the thirsty viewers.

Draft: Ignia: You stupid bastards, no, I’m not going to share her.

Before Idia could send the message you spoke up in a moaning voice. “*pant* N-no, my master tonight is I-Ignia, haanh~”. You were still playing with your nipples while fucking yourself well with the dildo, a light blush decorated your face and beads of sweat starting to form on the sides of your face and your body.

Idia’s jaw dropped. ‘Does she actually really want me?’ He was getting hot, too hot for his own comfort. Usually he wouldn’t last this long during his sessions but he really wanted to see you fall apart under his command. He paid for it, after all.

“Master~ I’m getting close, I- I wanna cum soon!” You whined, pleading (e/c) orbs staring into the camera with your mouth open from panting heavily.

“Cum already, don’t hold yourself back”

“Just keep going babygirl”

“Let yourself cum”

Once again, Idia scoffed in annoyance, but he noticed you never acknowledged any of the other commenters, waiting patiently for the words to come from him.

Ignia @ 11:55pm: put the toy at the highest setting, fuck yourself til you cum, then keep pumping it while you ride out your climax.

Upon seeing those words, your fingers work to put your toy at the highest setting inside your dripping cunt. You closed your eyes while you try to imagine the user who was giving out the commands, imagining them slapping your ass and fucking you until you could see stars. The feeling of both of your holes being filled was overwhelming now, and the hot feeling built up in your core faster than you realized. Idia could see it too, the heaving of your chest was picking up rapidly.

“M-,, ma- master.! I’m cumming!!!” You shrieked. Closing your eyes with your tongue unintentionally lolling out, you released a silent scream as soon as your orgasm hit. It felt like a knot inside of your body had come undone suddenly. Your orgasm had your pussy clenching around the toy that was still vibrating intensely inside of you, stimulating you longer and making you release high pitched screams.

Hearing your words before cumming had Idia teetering on the edge, but watching your facial expressions and your moans made him finish suddenly with a grunt, his pale cock spurting thick white cum all over his hand. Still, Idia kept stroking his length while you were riding out your high, overstimulating himself to match your actions on the stream.

You pulled out the toy weakly and turned it off, putting it down on a towel next to your desk.

Ignia has donated $5!

Ignia @ 11:59pm: Spread your pussy lips babygirl, I wanna see your tight hole.

User39748 @ 11:59pm: I agree with Ignia

cay-kun @ 12:00am: ah~ I also agree. Let’s see you spread it, hmm~? Oh, can you also do a lil ‘nya!’?

You checked the chat and blushed heavily, post-orgasm shyness now taking over your mind. You hesitantly shifted in the chair while spreading yourself open with your pointer and middle finger, showing off your glistening folds with your lightly abused hole. “Nya...” you held up your other hand to do the signature “catgirl” pose, playfully sticking your tongue out too.

Idia was cleaning himself off but he could feel himself twitch again, staring at your meek form. You were so gorgeous and he really wanted to see more of you, making sure to press the “Follow” button, so he wouldn’t miss another stream.

After a few seconds, you decide to end your show, feeling extremely tired and needing a shower from sweating so much. “Thank you so so much for joining me tonight! I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your evening~ take care and I hope to see you all soon!”

Small tips ranging between $1-$10 started to flow in along with messages of “take care~” “see you soon!” “great show baby ;)”.

You clicked off and you sighed deeply. Looking at your earnings tonight, you made around $200. This was probably the most you’ve made in one single stream, and $155 of that was from Ignia, a new follower and the one who pretty much commanded your entire show tonight. It really turned you on to have someone do that for you and it was the first time a viewer made you do something that felt so lewd that made you cum so quickly.

You stood up from the chair, cleaned up your desk and toys, and headed for the bathroom. Taking off your makeup in the sink, you jumped into the shower to clean yourself up.

~~~~~

Idia tentatively bit his shirt sleeve, his blue locks framing his face. Something inside of him told him that he needed to talk to you more. He had already typed out a message to send along with his friend request. He was scared - scared of being rejected by someone as pretty as you, especially now that he had already felt so attached to you, or rather, what he’s seen from the stream tonight.

Yellow eyes closed tightly as he clicked to send the friend request to you.

~~~~~

Jumping out of the shower, you throw on a head and body towel and started to brush your teeth. Walking around the room you realized your laptop was still on, and there was a notification box front and center. Curious, you clicked on it.

“One new friend request and message”.

“Friend Request: Ignia

Message: Hey, this is the user from your stream earlier. I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your stream tonight. You seem nice too, so I’d like to get to know you more. If you’re interested just feel free to add me back, no pressure ofc.

Thx

Ignia”

You blinked a few times, pondering what you should do. You had gotten messages from guys before but they only said cheap compliments and asking for private shows. You were single so there wasn’t anybody holding you down and this guy didn’t seem to radiate any bad vibes. His dominant nature over chat really turned you on and you were curious about him, so you decided to accept his friend request and send a reply.

“From: y/n-kitty-cat

Hi there :) I decided to accept your message, cause why not? You shouldn’t be that creepy, right? ;P anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed my stream tonight <3 I hope you can come to future ones too!! I’d like to see you around more ;)

❤️

y/n”

You sent the message and went to the bathroom to finish brushing your teeth and your other nightly routines.

Idia couldn’t believe his eyes - you had actually messaged him back and you were really flirtatious!! That meant he was different in your eyes, right? It has to be true! He was determined to meet up with you, eventually. His dick throbbed at the idea of having you to himself, pleasing him with your mouth, doing all those lewd faces you made on the stream... his mind wandered while he pushed his pants down once again and thought of his muse who was now his “friend”.

~~~~~

After a few days of messaging back and forth, you and Ignia had ended up exchanging numbers and using text to communicate almost daily. You found out things like what your majors in college were, finding out his real name was Idia, which was a pretty unique name, and realizing you were both from the same city. Well, it’s not like Idia hadn’t already done his research - the night he became your friend he had stalked all of your social medias under a throwaway account and scrolled through every photo and bit of information he could find about you. He was becoming so hyper fixated on you he needed to know more, who could blame him? Idia just hoped he would be seeing more of you in your streams so he could watch you get off again, maybe with his assistance.

Unfortunately for you though, you realized you couldn’t stream as much because midterms were also kicking your ass. You apologized to your viewers with a blog post who luckily understood and wished you luck, saying they looked forward to your next show.

Idia couldn’t see your pretty face from the stream, which made him yearn. He told Ortho about his crush on you and when the small boy told Idia to “just tell you the truth and meet up with you!” he wanted to shut down completely. But, he wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of you being in his room, exactly where he wanted you. Sighing, he picked up his phone to send you a text.

Idia: “hey”

Y/n: “hey there! 😉”

Idia: “soo i was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime”

Y/n: “omg 😱 like irl? I’ve never even heard your voice before lol”

Idia: “ik, i’m a bit shy in person.”

Y/n: “i see, so is the life of a gamer and a shut in?😏😂”

Idia: “hah, yeah i guess lol”

Y/n: “soo, what did you wanna do?”

Idia: “idk, anything you want. Except go outside. And be in public.”

Y/n: “pfft, that takes away like any idea at this point HAHA”

Idia: “ya lol i prefer gaming in my room tbh”

Y/n: “oh, then maybe we can just hang out and play games or something like that?”

Idia: “Yeah, why don’t you come over to my dorm, we could game and eat snacks”

Y/n: “Sounds great! This Friday then, 6pm?”

Idia: “Sure i’ll text you the details later”

Y/n: “Awesome :) see you in a couple days then ;)”

Idia: “cool”

Idia threw himself on his bed and screamed silently into the pillow. Idia wanted more than to just be your friend but unfortunately was also extremely shy, especially when talking to new people in person. But as he was sexually attracted to you, he knew he would have a hard time hiding it from you. He had hoped to initiate some kind of sexual interaction when you met up, wanting to indulge in your sinful reactions himself. He didn’t even want to think about anybody else seeing you like that. Idia was growing possessive and realized that if he were to get you where he wanted you, he needed to do a little bit of digging. Which meant searching the web for something that would help make you more agreeable to something sexual. He knew he himself couldn’t make you agree to it, he was too nervous to initiate that! He knew what he needed - an aphrodisiac.

Composing himself, he got onto his computer and compared his options as well as looking for advice on how to please a woman. His eyes widened and lips trembled as he realized he was definitely way too shy to initiate as much as other men do, but he was determined to try anything if it meant your attention.

~~~~~

Today was finally Friday, and the current time was 5:30pm. You styled your (h/c) locks and put on a light amount of makeup, not as much as you would when you streamed but enough to make yourself feel pretty. You also decided that you still wanted to be cute, even if you and Idia were just friends at this point, and wore a tight crop top, a high waisted black skirt, and some thigh high socks since it was a bit breezy outside. You topped it all off with a (f/c) cardigan so you could at least feel comfortable in the sleeves. Packing your bag, you took one last look at yourself in the mirror, did a little peace sign and smiled, feeling cute as hell. You grabbed your keys and walked out of your dorm, heading towards Idia’s campus.

You parked at the place he told you to and gotten out of your car, looking around for him. Shit, you just realized you didn’t even ask him what he was gonna wear or what he really looked like, which was pretty dumb in hindsight. You did catch a glimpse of a tall lanky guy with fluffy blue hair and a striped t-shirt, who was fumbling around on his phone and didn’t realize you was standing right by him.

“Excuse me,” you interrupted his peace softly, causing him to jump up and squeal in fear. “Oh!! I’n so sorry, I’m just looking for someone and I didn’t know if I was in the right place?”

Idia froze. It really was you, in the flesh, looking at him and taking his appearance in. You were gorgeous, even more so than he would have ever thought, and your voice brought tingles to his spine that made him shudder. Idia realized he was being quiet for a longer than acceptable time and he looked away. “H-hi,, y/n...” he mumbled barely even audible.

“Oh!! Idia? Is that you? Hi!!!” You exclaimed, seemingly really excited. Your mouth was curved into a wide smile too.

“Huh, you sound really enthusiastic...” Idia whispered, thinking he really said it in his own mind instead of out loud.

“Of course I am! I’m finally done with midterms and now I can relax and have fun with my new friend!” You said, bumping your shoulder with him, causing him to hold his breath.

Idia gulped when he realized what you said. Friend. Right, that’s all he was to you. At least for now. But hopefully that would change soon, right?

“Y-yeah. Let’s go inside.” Idia muttered, turning his back and walking.

Based on his demeanor, you almost forgot that Idia was the one who was so dominant during your stream the other week, since his attitude was so shy in real life. But, you pushed that thought to the back of your head, today was gonna be a fun day with a new friend, and that was strictly it. You didn’t really want to make your side job as a sex worker into a big thing that would make real life friendships difficult.

~~~~~

After he led you through the halls of the dorm, he brought you to a door and opened it up. Inside it was a bit messy, but an organized mess, one where the owner definitely knew where everything was. He had a pc setup with multiple monitors, RGB lighting which was mostly set to shades of blue, and a really nice gaming chair to go along with it. He also had a shelf with different manga series along it and other consoles for gaming, a bed, a door that led to a bathroom, and a mini fridge. Pretty nice for someone who lived without a roommate, you thought.

You walked over to his bed and flopped down onto it. Idia couldn’t help but think about the many times he had masturbated to you on those sheets that you were now sitting on. He was wondering what kind of panties you were wearing too, when he was suddenly interrupted.

“So! I guess we should get started on some games, yeah? I think I wanna play a fighting one against you! I’m totally gonna win~” You smiled up at him playfully.

Idia let his personality slip when games were brought up. “Tch, you really think you’re gonna win against me ? Think again.” The blue haired boy smirked down at you, which lit up the fire of competition in your heart.

“Let’s go then, dude.”

~~~~~

After about 15 minutes of close battles but still losing every one, you groaned and put the controller down on the floor where you and Idia were positioned in front of a monitor. You had developed a small sheen of sweat on your face from the stress. “Hey Idia, do you have anything to drink? I’m so thirstyy~” You looked at him and pouted, hoping he would maybe have some soda or water for you.

“A-ah, yes I do...” he stuttered a bit, seemingly nervous about something. He shuffled over to a mini fridge near his desk and brought out a cooler bottle. “Here, I made this sweet tea yesterday and you can drink from it...” Idia handed you the cool bottle and you observed it suspiciously. He was starting to feel his breath hitch and wondered if you had caught on.

“Hm~? Drinking from the same bottle already? So intimate!” You teased him, lightly elbowing his side. “Well, here goes nothing.” You tipped the bottle into your mouth and the tea tasted like sweet peach, with a slightly bitter aftertaste.

“Hm, it’s... interesting. What kind of tea is it?” You inquired, looking at the contents and sniffing it.

“I-it’s a recipe I found online! It looked good so, I decided to make it, I- I thought you would like it...” he shyly put down his head, trying to hide his suspicious nervousness from you.

“Okay... well it’s pretty good! I’ll drink some more, thanks for thinking of me~” you said as you gulped down the drink for a few more seconds. “Mmh! I think that cooled me down, let’s play more rounds!”

Idia looked back at you and sighed in relief. “Y-yeah, let’s do that.” He didn’t know how long it would take to work but at least he could distract his nerves by playing some games.

~~~~~

You started to sweat and feel hot. Unbearably hot. You cleared your throat and pulled off your cardigan and folded it to the side, but it wasn’t enough. The heat spread from your head, to your torso, and to your lower regions. Feeling hot and a deep... itch that you couldn't quite reach, in your crotch, you decide to change the position in which you were sitting, from crossing your legs to having them right underneath you, to feel some sort of friction in that area. You could feel yourself blushing intensely while the blue haired man next to you was still immersed in the game you both were supposed to play.

Watching him, you couldn’t help but notice the way his fingers moved on the controller, his thumbs and pointers expertly moving across it. You started thinking about how they would feel playing with your nipples and clit - wait. ‘What am I even thinking about?! Snap out of it!’ But, you also couldn’t help but think about when you were close to beating him during a round, his voice changed to a lower, frustrated one, and he even let out a little growl. Even now you noticed the way his eyes were so glued to the monitor with a small scowl on his face. Thinking about that sent throbs and heat to your growing wetness.

WINNER: PLAYER 1!

“Fuhehe, I knew I could beat you again~ but for some reason it felt like you weren’t trying as hard this round.” Idia put down his controller, finally took a glance at you, and his breath was caught in his throat.

Your (s/c) body was covered with a layer of sweat, cheeks burning and your eyes looked glossy. You were also panting slightly, rubbing your legs together softly to try to create more friction. “A-ah,, hey... do you think you could lower the temperature in here? It- it’s getting really hot. Maybe I could have more of that cold tea?” You breathed, trying to sound more stable than you were.

Idia was dumbfounded for a second and totally forgot you had drank the tea that he mixed with the aphrodisiacs. He gulped as he leaned closer to your face, observing you. “Is... is there anything else I can help you, w-with?” Idia placed a hand on the floor near your thigh and watched as you tried to scoot away from it.

“D-don’t do that... it’s...,” you whimpered, back now touching the side of his bed as you leaned away from his touch. Since when did he smell so good? His scent radiating from his proximity sent tingles across your body.

“Do what?” Idia experimentally reached out to touch your arm, fingers grazing your back slightly. You couldn’t fight back the moan that slipped out of your mouth. “Haah~ I-Idia...” you breathed, looking at him with pleading eyes. You really weren’t planning on doing anything with your new friend, so why was your body disobeying your mind?

“Y/n... you know you can tell me if there’s a-anything you need.. I’ll help you.” Idia’s eyes were still wide and the way he looked at you made you start craving. You wanted him - no, you NEEDED him to touch you more. You never really thought about it, but, Idia really was attractive. It’s not because of your hazy mindset that you realized it, but the way the blue lights illuminated his pale skin and make his hair almost glow, you were just focusing on it more. He was... cute.

“I-...” you started, looking down at his hand on your arm, and then back at him. Staring at his lips, you felt your arms move around his neck as you pulled him closer. Your lips smashed against each others messily and you released a soft whimper against his mouth. The reality hitting you, you moved your head back suddenly breaking the kiss. Your body was still hot.

“F-first...” Idia was stuttering. “First... kiss...” Idia stared wide eyed at you, lips still trembling. He blushed and turned away, his brows tilted upwards as if he were troubled.

“Oh, oh god, I’m so sorry....” you breathed out, scared you had fucked it up with your friend.

“Haah.. more...” his eyes suddenly turned back to you, seemingly darker than before. “I want more of you, y/n...” with that, he brought his lips to yours again and moved them sloppily against your own. He even took the liberty to bite your bottom lip with his sharp teeth, causing you to yelp. Idia used this opportunity to shove his tongue past your mouth and moved it against your own, causing you to moan in pleasure while you could feel your panties starting to drench.

Idia pulled away from you, cheeks tinted pink. Both of you panted for breath, your clothes now feeling sticky due to sweat. He scanned your blushing figure and saw an opening of your skirt that had shown off your lacy panties. Idia gulped and dove his head towards your clothed pussy, breathing in the essence and shuddering loudly, which made you gasp.

“Idiia, no... we, we shouldn’t...” you whined. But you could feel your body was not agreeing with your words. When the tip of his nose grazed your clit you bucked your hips against his head, letting out a moan at the contact.

He lifted up your skirt to your waist so he could see your facial expressions. Suddenly, his wet tongue experimentally slid up your clothed pussy, piercing yellow eyes locked onto your glazed over eyes. You shrieked at the sensation and felt embarrassed that he could get you like this, and you were still wearing your panties.

“Hhn, you wore these for me, didn’t you..?” Idia said, which made you blush. “No, I- I didn’t...” you muttered weakly, trying to avoid his gaze

Idia’s grip on your thighs suddenly got tighter and he looked up at you with furrowed brows. “Don’t lie to me, kitten. I know you want me, like how you did on the night we met, on your stream.” Idia firmly told you. It seemed like it was more like he was convincing himself. "N-no Idia, I... I don't want to-" you started, until you were interrupted.

Idia’s teeth bit suddenly into your soft thigh, causing it to bleed a bit. You knew it would leave a big mark later. “AH!! F-fuck!!” You grabbed onto his blue hair and felt your pussy clench onto nothing. Why, why are you enjoying this? It was like Idia’s personality had changed, from the shy person you met outside his dorm to a more possessive and rough one. You were a bit scared of him but why was he making you feel so good?

You didn’t have time to think as you felt him move the fabric of your panties to the side so your drenched cunt was fully visible to him. He stared in awe and took in everything - the shape, size, and how wet you were. You brought the back of your hand up to your head and panted with embarrassment. “Idia... mmh...”, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Your body was still wanting more and after your mind was fighting the feeling so much, you decided to let it be. “Please...”

Idia met your eyes and saw how glossy they were. He lifted your body onto the bed so that you were now lying on your back while he was still in front of your crotch. You softly breathed in and out, causing your chest to rise and fall in your sweat soaked top. He snaked a pale hand under your shirt to grope your breast in your lacy bra, cold fingers sending shivers through your hot body. Idia couldn’t resist any longer, he suddenly shoved his wet muscle onto your pussy with fervor. You gasped and threw your head back onto Idia’s plush pillow, and shoved your hand on the back of his head pushing it deeper into your legs. Idia couldn’t contain himself and moaned into your heat, sending vibrations through it. “Oh- aaanh~ Idi-aaa~....” you sighed and whined. He took this opportunity to lower the cup of your bra below your breast and pinch your pert nipple in his fingers.

“Fuck~!” you screamed, feeling hot tears flowing down your face. Your body couldn’t take it much longer. Your core was building a familiar sensation but it was all too overwhelming and coming too fast. “It feels so good!!” You squealed, squeezing your thighs together so you were caging his head. Idia focused his energy lapping hungrily at your clit and then pushed two digits of his free hand through your wet hole, pumping them in and out. Your panting breaths were becoming shorter with each pump.

“Idia~ I’m close!! I’m gonna cum..!” You looked at him between your legs, and he lifted his mouth off of your cunt for a brief second. He stared into your eyes with his yellow ones, which stared at you intensely, licked his lips, and spoke.

“Cum for me then, kitten. Don’t hold back, cum all over my face.” With that, he dove back in and pumped his fingers into your core and flicked his tongue on your sensitive pearl even faster than before. Idia’s hips were rutting on his mattress, precum wetting his undergarments.

“Oh god - I’m cumming, I’m cumming~!!” You screeched and squeezed his head with your thighs, squirting his face and sheets with your cum. His tongue darted around your pussy licking off your juices. You breathed heavily, riding out your high. It took everything in him to stop himself from cumming right then and there - he wanted to save that for later.

Idia leaned up to where you were and kissed you passionately, and you could taste yourself all over his mouth. You moaned at the taste of your own juices on his tongue. Still exhausted from Idia eating you out, your body somehow craved the feeling of being filled. You sat up and got up from the bed and for a second he was afraid you were getting ready to leave. You removed your drenched shirt in front of him as well as your skirt, underwear, and bra. Still wearing your thigh high socks, he stopped you before you could remove them. “I, I want you to keep those on...” he licked his lips as he stared at your socks squeezing your plush thighs, the mark he made earlier with his teeth was visible and bruising now.

Following your lead, Idia was removing his own garments, tossing his shirt to the side. He was lean, not too skinny but not muscular either, pale all over. He also removed his pants and swung them over to the floor. Idia avoided your gaze as his erection was now very much so noticeable in his boxers, and you could even see a dark spot where his precum had made a mark. You felt your vagina tremble at the sight of it. It’s been a long time since you’ve had a partner and the anticipation was starting to get to you. As for Idia, well, everything was his first.

You knelt down in front of his bed and his legs and reached out to touch the head of his penis through the boxers, making him twitch and breathe out. “Mmh,...” you pulled down his underwear to reveal his lengthy cock. He wasn’t extremely girthy but he made up for that in length. The head of it was a shade of pale pink and dripped with clear liquid. You took some of the clear liquid in your hand and began teasing the head of his dick. Opening your mouth, you also gave it a few kitten licks while you pumped the base. Idia let out a few grunts and threw his head back, causing you to grow wet again.

Idia felt himself getting too close to orgasm which made him grab your head to stop you from going further. He lifted you up again and placed you on his lap, your dripping cunt hovering over his standing cock. Your body was hot again as you stared into Idia’s yellow eyes, a pink haze dusting his pale cheeks. Remembering he was a virgin, you looked at him hesitantly. ‘I- I don’t know, are you sure you want to lose your virginity right now?’ was what you were planning on saying, until he spoke up.

“Y/n... I need you. I’ve been wanting to do this to you for a while. I- I'm gonna put it in...” Idia whispered, panting slightly. As he was lowering your hips, you couldn't say anything as you felt his tip graze your wetness and you whimpered at the feeling. He kept bringing your hips down until you felt him all the way inside, head of his dick kissing your cervix. You threw your arms around his neck and moaned into his ear, causing a grunt from your partner. Not giving you time to adjust, Idia started thrusting in and out sloppily into your hole, squelching and moaning sounds filling the air of his usually quiet dorm.

“Oh Idia, please, pleasepleaseplease-!” You screamed, not even knowing what you were pleading for. Your (h/c) hair was sweaty and you felt your eye makeup starting to run with every tear you shed. Idia’s loud grunts filled your ear, causing your heat to build up.

“*pant* Mmh, y/n...” he paused and started thrusting into you slowly but hard, pulling you back so his forehead could touch with yours, blue hair still frayed in his face. “You have, *pant* no idea... I would masturbate to your pictures every. Single. Night. I jerked off on these sheets and used your photos of you smiling, you weren’t even *pant* n-naked... Does that, *pant* make me a sick pervert? No matter, you're here with me now, and I'm mmh, making you feel good, right?” Idia confessed, yellow eyes staring into yours with infatuation and obsession. You felt your breath hitch in a feeling familiar to fear. He was lovesick. Not the same person you thought you were messaging for the past few days or gaming with earlier. He looked deranged.

“I... Aaanh~!” You were cut off by a particularly hard thrust into your cervix. Idia licked your neck while thrusting into your abused hole. “I’m gonna breed you, kitten. W-wanna see you drip with my cum.. mmh, you want that?”

You were so close to your release that you didn’t even care about what he was saying. “More Idia, more!!” You breathed. Closing your eyes and now using your own hips to grind into his cock.

Remembering a particular position that grabbed Idia’s attention, he lifted you up, dick still hard inside of you. He placed your back on the bed, your head on his pillow while he brought your legs up to your chest. Idia continued to thrust into you, your face now in full view. He held your wrists in one hand above your head so you couldn’t hide your face from his eyes.

“Idia...” you breathed out. “I- Idia!!!!” You felt your orgasm approaching fast while he pounded into you relentlessly. “Haaanh~ I’m close!!” You moaned shamelessly.

“Hnnh, that’s r-right, y/n... mm, cum for me...” Idia breathed out in between his panting. With that, Idia thrusted faster until the knot that was building in your lower regions finally released. “Aaanh~!! I’m cumming, Idia, c-cumming all over your cock!!” Your face contorted into one of full bliss, eyes looking straight into his with your mouth in an o-shape. The walls around Idia’s length clenched tightly, milking him of his seed. Idia came suddenly with a groan, pumping it deep within you while riding out his high. "Fuck, y/n!!"

Idia rolled you both to your sides, his dick softening inside you. You both panted hard as you faced one another. You opened your eyes to find him with his eyes closed, blushing at the sight of your naked bodies still intertwined even after your climaxes. “We, we actually did it...” he whispered and opened his eyes. “!!!!” He made a mildly surprised noise, eyes widening and turning away.

“Eeh?! What’s wrong!?” You said, wondering if something was on your face. “N-nothing it’s just.... I’m surprised we... you.. you’re staring at me... I’m sorry, I’m still not used to people doing that...” Idia said shamefully, darting his yellow eyes to and from you periodically.

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Eek!! Why,, are you laughing at me?” Idia frowned and hid his face in the pillow. “Well.. your personality is different when you’re having sex versus not. It's interesting.” you told him, tracing a finger along his arm.

Idia blushed intensely, throwing his arms around your neck and hid his pale face in your neck. "Mmph..! I-, I like you, y/n..." he breathed into your neck. "I wouldn't be able to handle you doing this with another person so... will you be mine?" Idia pulled back to watch your face as you contemplated.

Idia's words from earlier suddenly flooded your memories. He looked insane when he confessed to his perverted actions and it evoked an uncertain emotion akin to fear. Your body felt paralyzed. But in the moment, with Idia's lightly pink tinged skin and unsure eyes, you had to admit it made your heart flutter, too. "Yes, Idia..."

[shophands]

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 . . . "𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐊𝐈𝐃" 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐖!

[MICHAEL PROVOST, CISMALE, HE/HIM] who’s that? oh it’s THADDEUS “THAD” BRADSHAW. i hear they’re TWENTY-ONE and are known as THE RICH KID around THE MOTEL 6. they’re also a SENIOR at EMERSON COLLEGE. they’re known to be DEBONAIR & METICULOUS and ARROGANT & ENTITLED. some people say they remind them of popped polo collars, wearing sunglasses indoors, the scent of stale beer and daddy’s money, playing croquet, and 1950s muscle cars.

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒

full name: thaddeus michael bradshaw iii nicknames: thad birthday: february 28th age: twenty-one sun/moon/rising: pisces/aquarius/aquarius sexuality: bisexual (but will he act on it?! i suppose we’ll find out!) education: high school, three years of college

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

aka, a handful of thad’s favorite songs

hey nineteen - steely dan

nothin you can do about it - airplay

p.y.t (pretty young thing) - michael jackson

heart to heart - kenny loggins

hungry like the wolf- duran duran

start me up  -the rolling stones

lovesexy - prince

jack & diane - john mellencamp

need you tonight - inxs

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒

popped polo collars, wearing sunglasses indoors, the scent of stale beer and daddy’s money, playing croquet, 1950s muscle cars, falling in line, honoring the family name, palms streaked with oil, grass stained sneakers, summers in the hamptons, being way too invested in greek life, smacking ass in the locker room a little too often, repeating the same pick up lines, having the cabin in aspen, expensive cologne, country club memberships, spitting at other people’s feet, being an expert in keeping secrets, buying his way through life, and sneering at strangers.

𝐁𝐈𝐎

from a young age, thad bradshaw was somebody who had his life laid out before him. his great great something had paved the way for future generations by securing a likely fortune in the diamond manufacturing industry, now thad was using that wealth on fixing up old and an egregious tuition at emerson to get a degree so he could take over a business he was already guaranteed to run. his father, thaddeus the second, instilled in him a great sense of pride. their family name was one to command respect, and that should be evident the moment thad walked into any given room. convinced the earth revolved around the ground her steps on, thad carried that mentality into adulthood.

 truly never one to have any thoughts or objections to his place in the perfectly manicured family puzzle, thad’s frustrations escape in other forms. mainly, he’s rude, just downright nasty to people. he can’t be bothered with anyone he deems to be below him. stuffy past times like books and studying pale in comparison to the thrill of his fraternity cheering him on after a keg stand. he is for all intents and purposes, a classic, frat bully. while thad understands football, cars, the inner workings of the family business, and greek life politics, he doesn’t understand much else. he knows what he needs to know to succeed among the upper class, but much of everything else is lost on him, including his girlfriend nancy wheeler.

 sure, she’s smokin’, but sometimes she can get a little weird. thad would never say it aloud, but she’s smarter than him and that’s scary. sure, when they have kids one day or whatever, they’re gonna be little geniuses, but thad often finds himself falling behind in conversation and rarely understanding where her head’s at. still, he’s got a lot of love for the girl and willing to overlook any of her less desirable traits. plus, she let him do like, whatever he wanted! gave him his space! that’s rare enough not to let go of.

with the college clock ticking away, thad isn’t sure he’s ready to say goodbye to a life of partying and assume his role in the family business. while he could be spending the summer abroad with his family, he’s gotten himself on a paranoid spiral instead. nancy promised to write, why hadn’t she written? rather than give her a call or send another letter, thad hopped behind the wheel of his yellow ‘55 ford thunderbird and booked himself a room at hawkins’ only lodging – a motel six, all to “save his relationship.”

[undoundue]

i don’t know anything except how stories go

i don’t know anything except how stories go

the music isn't as good as i thought it would be

i'm not sure if i've taken enough drugs or too much

when i take too much, i get grandiose: big ideas. little follow-through.

when i take not enough, i also get grandiose, but i know it,

and i sound like a graveyard glass harmonica when

the wind passes through. when i take the right amount, i do not ask

whether i've taken enough drugs or too much.

instead i hallucinate that i'm a cicada, an elegant disgusting jewel

smithed by mommy nature to reproduce a tinny song,

and i'm grateful to my parents

and the 17 years i spent gestating

and this morbid cherry tree

because nobody buckles their tymbals like i. also, cicadas lack

the relevant receptors altogether,

so the dosing question doesn't apply.

(beat) say,

have you noticed that zoomers are really into columbo?

(you nod)

i've seen him on twitter twice lately, asking "just one more

question—which would you prefer as an afternoon snack?"

and there's a poll, cheez-its

or little debbie snack cakes.

the appeal, i think, is to a generational forgetfulness, to

a generation most in need of alarm clocks and aricept,

to the desire to see forgetfulness as a superpower, as an

equivalent to innocence, to be so impervious to

reality's demands. but haven't we been here

before? didn't milennials all die for the sin of inventing "retro

gaming"? and by the way,

did you hear the one about the guy who gave himself three-hundred

and ninety-one concussions, each time suffering retrograde amnesia

which knocked out his memory of his last pokemon red playthrough?

ah. ah yes. it is not a tale the jedi would tell you.

when i take too much, i get despondent. when i take not enough, i

get grandiose. but the line breaks are for the poet's benefit anyway.

besides, there are kids smoking brick weed in lebanon, we should be

thankful for what we have.

and hex maniac is pretty cute. her pupils spiral

counterclockwise,

going from out to in; in some of the fan art they go the other way but

you can tell those guys don't "get it"; the allure of a counterclockwise

spin on how you are perceived, to have your silhouette distorted

and your details properly misunderstood, to lose at games you've

never heard of it, to eat with chopsticks incorrectly,

to trip and fall and look at the sidewalk and say "thank you.

yes. i had grown complacent in my patterns, my

nucleus accumbens

was running on fumes; and i certainly wasn't expecting that!" and

mean it. i did this once. i was in a state of rare tranquility after

masturbating for sixteen consecutive hours (essentially a

performance enhancing drug for meditation—which is why,

in the tibetan olympics, strict no-fap is required for a week

before competition—and they take semen samples to be sure!)

so (you nod), when the buddha saw me

so grateful for life's misfortunes, he made a "look

at this fucking guy" gesture to ganesh and then said "look at this

fucking guy" as if the gesture wasn't enough. naturally,

i was offended, and besides i recalled the old koan "If you meet the

Buddha on the road, kill him," which i had read in a collection

of koans for children titled "If you meet the Buddha..." which

my Mom had purchased for me in the novelty gift section

of an urban outfitters in santa barbara ("Mom, why are you shopping

at urban outftters?" "son, yr mama just tryin' ta stay cool. say, you

heard of this MF DOOM cat?" "ugh! Mom!") and which had

such thought-provoking aphorisms as:

"If you meet the Buddha in an airport, buy him a cheeseburger."

"If you meet the Buddha at a dive bar, play him some new wave—the

Buddha is big into that shit." the idea being, you're prepared for any

circumstance, which is what buddhism is all about. so i did a

bunch of fast attacks; the buddha blocked; i said "shouldn't

it be all the same to you if i kill you?" the buddha said "it would,

except i want to get home and watch columbo, and i don't

want to wait to respawn." i said, "jesus. just—jesus." then the buddha

kicked me through a brick wall. everyone in the WeWork

screamed and fled, leaving their kombucha behind, and

for some reason the sprinklers went off. then, after the initial

impact, a lone brick fell (because of torque—force times the length of

the lever, remember) and hit me comically on the head, causing a

concussion. i said "guh."

yup, (you nod sympathetically),

i was feeling mighty grim. then it occurred to me: why don't i

play pokémon red? unfortunately, on my cellphone i only had

the romhack version, you know, where all the pokémon are allegories

for depression. so you got your depressionmander, depressioneleon,

depressionizard, and for pokémon where that doesn't work

they use it as a suffix, e.g. bulbadepression, ivydepression,

venudepression. also you can't leave the starting room and

your character moves really slowly. the indie gaming press

loves it. one of the features that reviewers single out is

that, instead of a lone Stand By Me reference, the TV in your room

goes line by line through Aguirre, the Wrath of God, except the

murders are replaced with pokémon battles and at the end

aguirre tries to command a horde of mankeys ("depressionkeys"),

which is a metaphor. dark stuff. it makes me think back on my youth:

lying on my child-king sized bed, masturbating to polyhedral

stellations, suffering from severe geometric dysmorphia as i

compared myself to the grandeur of those idealized forms—god, i

used to hate myself for those wasted hours. i mean, i still do, but i

used to, too. only after years of therapy have i developed a mantra

that eases the pain:

"i am mostly a cylinder.

i am mostly a cylinder." presto. you can get off to anything, even

loomis.

(you nod, hesitantly.) on saturday night,

i throw open the window and scream at the children: "you'll get old

too! an abstractome of brittle opinions even as your bumbling

homunculus drops the data you once used to back them up!"

the children reply "not necessarily, given the rate of advances in

biotech. also, no one cares, grandpa." they play soccer. my

mad pilgrim hair blows in the wind. i scream: "suffer! suffer! i am

omniscience!" they say: "oh yeah? how many fingers am i

holding up?" "four! five! four!" "it was five, you old fart." "the thumb

doesn't count as a finger! you should have a specified!" "OK, new

game: what sort of person am i?" "you are—you are—!" and so

i peer into their souls and know the answer, but i can't

find the words. the words do not come. i have forgotten them.

silently i draw away from the window. the children smirk, but only for

a moment. for they know i am right.

ah, to reveal the soul's heist, to be seen through by the omniscient

and powerless, what a delight! who among us would not cheerfully

kill the buddha when he's comin' through the rye? who among us

has not been blessed by the kind words of a stranger? and yet, we

shouldn't incentivize people to be strangers. society would collapse.

besides, we are no longer strangers to ourselves, you and i.

(you nod.) we will have much to discuss about that.

[donutloverxo]

The donut mishap

Note - This is the first of my soft!reader series. I'll try to post them chronologically now on. Note that this is set in 2013. And a dear friend helped me out with this. Thanks a lot to her <3.

Summary - A quest of baking donuts brings you to the avengers tower. But what happens when your paths cross with the star spangled man?

Warnings - curse words, steves ptsd

Pairing - Steve Rogers x reader

Word count - 2.3k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You squinted your eyes concentrating on putting just the right amount of pressure on the piping bag to get the perfect swirl of frosting on the cupcake. Your breathe hitched as a little air bubble appeared, aside from that it looked perfect. With a nice stiff peak.

You smiled looking over the cupcakes and donuts; over 12 hours of work. You felt like a proud mama.

When you started working at the Bakery, granted you only did so because you loved how cute their desserts looked but never could afford them, you thought you’d get to make money off of your love for baking.

Instead they stuck you in the back, doing books and maintaining accounts. Yeah you were going to grad school to be an accountant but it still wasn’t fair!

You never got to learn anything new about baking, or even try any delicious pastries. You just spent 4 hours everyday playing with the numbers.

And then you got a call from Linda, your boss. Panicking about how the head chef is sick and they have an order from the Avengers.

The Avengers were just a bit controversial. But for the most part everyone was grateful for them and looked up to them.

You can’t disappoint them. They’re superheros! Literal gods!

You didn’t really have much of an opinion on them. Except that the God of thunder from space made you all tingly sometimes.

You were just happy you got the chance to make such variety of desserts. Maybe now you could convince Linda to let you help out in the kitchen every now and then.

“You’re going to have to deliver them yourself.” Linda said looking them over and taking a small bite from the mint macaroon. “Take a taxi. Think you can handle it?” She handed you a hundred dollar bill.

There were only two boxes, one with the donuts and another with different assortments of patisseries. You accepted the bill and called for an Uber.

Normally the bakery doesn’t do delivery but when someone even mentioned Tony Starks name, Linda agreed to deliver, almost gave it away for free.

You made it to the tower in one piece. Glad to know that all the desserts seemed like they were doing alright in the boxes. You craned your neck up to look at the tower. Yet you couldn’t see the top.

You tried your best to be careful with the giant pink boxes in your hands muttering ‘excuse me' to anyone you may come across so as to not bump into them. You gently lay the boxes on the reception counter. Giving the brunette receptionist a huge warm smile.

“These are for Pepper Potts. Should I just leave them here...” You trailed off.

Looking around to see everyone dressed to the nines in sleek business formal clothes. You were wearing your pink dress with small red strawberries splattered all across it, it ended just below your knees, maybe not the perfect dress for the beginning of fall, or making a delivery for that matter. It made you feel self-conscious you tried your best to not think about how unprepared you must seem.

Which wasn’t entirely your fault. They were the ones that expected such a large order in under 12 hours.

“Alright ma'am you can go up and set them up.” She said hanging up the phone and giving you a visitors pass.

“Oh I...” You wanted to disagree. Ask for someone else to do it. You just KNEW you were going to mess it up.

But you couldn’t really say anything when she smiled “Thank you.” Probably in a way to shoo you off and deal with the person behind you.

You somehow made your way to the elevator, asking for directions twice, only it was too crowded and you were running out of time. “I’ll take the next one.” You said, although no one really seemed to care, they were either looking at their phones or chatting with each other.

A nervous smile painted on your face, so you could delude yourself into thinking everything is fine to calm your nerves. You couldn’t even afford to take your phone out of your sling bag to look at the time, not with your hands occupied.

After waiting for forever you were able to get into an elevator which was only occupied with a few people. Finally you were at your desired floor.

You were to take the boxes to conference room B12.

So you looked around, distracted. Your mother had always told you that your absent mindedness will one day come to bite you in the ass.

‘Try living in reality once in a while.’ She had said in such a condescending tone.

You huffed back then, thinking you were fine just the way you are. Until you bumped into what you thought was a brick wall, too distracted by the numbers and signs and twists and turns.

You quickly looked in front of you, when you felt the boxes you had held up collide with something. It wasn’t a wall, it was what looked like a human man. You tried to balance your feet stumbling back a bit before falling flat on your ass.

“Omph” You let out as you felt the cold hardwood floor sting your behind. Your precious donuts and desserts falling to the ground.

You looked at the ruins, how the frosting and sprinkles decorated the floor, taking it all in, asking yourself if this is a dream.

By the angle you were sitting in, you were sure the man could see your underwear, but you didn’t care. Because you were completely ruined.

You looked up at him, your lips quivering and your eyes glossy. “Why?” You asked as he stared at you completely dumbfounded, as if he had never seen a girl before.

Steve wanted to refuse right away. As soon as they said the words ‘honor’ and ‘appreciate’. A ceremony just to honor him and thank him for his service to his country.

He did try to convince Tony that he hated such things. To be the centre of attentions and plaster on a pageant smile for all the flashing cameras. That is not what he signed up for. His goal was never to get fame and recognition.

He ultimately had to relent. Because it was supposed to be an inspiration for others and to ‘boost morale’.

“Just flash your perfect pearly whites for a few hours, it’s really not that hard.” Tony said slapping Steve’s shoulder. As if they’ve been friends forever and he doesn’t take some kind of sick sadistic pleasure in watching Steve suffer.

They spoke of how brave he was, how even as a sickly kid he stood up for what was right. For his country.

Really he could tolerate all that. Even be grateful for it.

But his anxiety came back as they showed pictures from the wartimes, projected onto the white screen.

He’s a hero they said.

So brave.

Selfless and compassionate.

A man out of time.

Lies. Blatant lies. He was far from a hero. He knew that. But he realized the extent of it when he saw the pictures, some of them familiar to him, having happened just in front of him not so long ago, even if it had been decades for everyone else.

All of his brothers, his best friend died. Protecting their country. For their duty. They made the ultimate sacrifice and were more than happy to do so.

He recalled one commander saying how he would love to die serving his country. It would be his greatest accomplishment.

And here he was. Wearing a suit that he had no doubt cost thousands of dollars. Drinking expensive champagne, giving interviews, having his face on magazine covers. Taking pictures with his ‘fans'. Living the high life.

How the fuck was he a hero?!

He couldn’t look at the remaining pictures or listen to them. He tried to zone them out, tune out his anxiety and his guilt. To not let his mind go to those dark places, to linger on the past. Nothing good would come out of it.

He could still do good. Be good. Wash off his sins. If he kept trying and moving forward. If only it wasn’t so hard.

There was no such thing washing your sins off of you. No one can resolve their sins by simply confessing to them in church. Or counting thousands of hail marys. His hands and his soul will always be tainted with blood.

Somehow he got through the whole thing. He was about to run off the men’s room. To take a breathe and collect his thoughts.

Tony stopped him “What’s with your resting bitch face Rogers?” He snarked but was taken aback by the scowl he received “Fine go. Remember we have a meeting with the corporal.”

Which was what the whole ruse was all about. To appease the army. He was surprised at just how bad the whole world is, but he couldn’t even begin to comprehend the shitshow that the army had become.

He rubbed his face sprinting towards the balcony. To get some fresh air, be alone as long as he can before he has to go back to being Captain America.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t hear your footsteps, which his sensitive hearing really should’ve picked up on.

He turned the corner only bump into you. Making you fall on your ass.

“Why?” You gave him a look of betrayal as tears fell down your face. You wiped your cheek with the back of your hand kneeling and working on putting your desserts back in the box.

“Oh my god... ma’am I’m so sorry.” He apologized as soon as he registered what he had down. Crouching down before you to help you clean it up. But he doubted that you would be able to eat them.

“All my work.” You moaned looking up and meeting his eyes.

Your defeated face almost made him pull you into his arms. But it wouldn’t exactly be proper to do that to a stranger.

“Don’t call me ma'am!” You huffed as more tears escaped your eyes. “I’m not like 50!” You crossed your legs sitting on the floor and staring at your boxes.

“What should I call you then?” He asked his tone gentle and inquisitive. Truly curious to know what your name was.

“How about you call me nothing? You’ve done enough.” You frowned as you looked into his crystal blue hues. He was simply put beautiful.

You never thought that’s the adjective you’d use to describe a man, but that was all you could think of.

However his beauty didn’t excuse his actions. It certainly wouldn’t bring back the desserts you worked so hard on. So all you could do was be mad at him.

“I can pay for them.” He blurted out and then winced. You probably made them yourself. He can’t exactly replace them.

“It was the first time I truly baked. And now I’ll lose my job.” You sniffled tracing the frosting which was smeared on the floor with your finger. “And the Avengers will all go hungry...” You rambled your voice small. All you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry into a pillow.

You sneered at him as he chuckled. He immediately stopped pressing his lips into a straight line. “I doubt they’ll go hungry. I promise you won’t lose your job. No one has to know.” He reasoned. His plump rosy lips stretch into a smile, that must be worth at least a million dollars. His eyes creasing and yeah he really was beautiful.

You felt your anger resolving but decided to remain firm. To not let him work his charms on you. “They will call my boss when the delivery doesn’t arrive. And my boss will fire me!” You exclaimed spelling it out for him. Since he seemed to fit the stereotype of the dumb pretty blonde. Or was that exclusive to women?

“I can promise you no one will tell your boss.” He hesitated but then put his hand over yours in an effort to reassure you.

“What? How – how will you do that?” You asked getting more and more frustrated that he failed to understand just how grave this situation was for you.

“I uh... do have that kind of authority.” He said giving you a small nod. At least he could do some good with this ‘status' he held.

“Hm” You hummed still suspicious. But he was wearing a suit which looked expensive. His stance seemed that of someone who was powerful. His voice although soft held some stern undertones. “I – how do I believe you?” You asked and laughed at your misery as you realized you didn’t really have a choice.

Finally, pressing a palm on the floor you got up. Collecting your boxes. “It’s okay.” You sighed. “I guess I wasn’t really looking either. Whatever happens I’ll deal with it.” You said giving him a somber look.

“Uh – are you sure?” He stammered afraid he got you in trouble and couldn’t really do anything about it. Even more so that you were leaving and he’d probably never get to see you again.

“I’m not really a liar.” You shrugged as he stood up with you.

You didn’t have the opportunity to marvel at his tall stature, and how big he was compared to you. Or just big in general. You simple turned around your head hung low.

Only to look back at him over your shoulder. You tried to suppress a whimper, at just how hopeless you were, and asked “Which way is the elevator?”

Tags will be in the reblog! If you want in on the taglist click the link in the bio or shoot me an ask/dm.

Please note that my work is NOT to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

[petri808]

And That’s How We Became a Legend...

Bakudeku alpha/omega fantasy AU written on Twitter based on this idea: I plan to clean it up and post it on AO3 later :)

Think of the story as an origin to the Bridegroom’s Oak.

The old alpha worn with time sat his grandpup on his knee. “Shall I tell you a bedtime story?”

“Yes!” The green-eyed child beamed brightly.

“Very well. Once upon a time...”

In his tiny village, Izuku Midoriya was just born to be unlucky in love. As a tiny male omega he was at the bottom of the marriage pool because alphas preferred buxom stock with firm child bearing hips, as they called it, so a skinny choice like him would never get chosen. He wasn’t ugly... many even called him cute with his curly green hair and bright emerald eyes. But cute didn’t guarantee a brood. Izuku was more fated to be a lonely servant or a whelping docent for another family. His poor mother could only look on in sadness at her sons pain.

So, by the time he’d reached adulthood, Izuku stayed mostly to himself on their small farm. Tending the crops his mother would sell to support them. During heat cycles, the lowly omega locked himself away and made due through the tears and desire he alone could soothe.

There was one thing he could do to bring himself some happiness. With little to no friends, the forest became his second refuge. When chores were completed, Izuku would wander the dense woodlands surrounding the village, or trek the nearby mountain and its hidden waterfall. He loved the peace and quiet even the remote and darkest areas because it wasn’t any worse than the loneliness he felt in his own home. There was always a chance of running into a wolf or other animal, but so far they stayed clear. Perhaps even predators thought he wasn’t worthy a kill or pitied the omega. Some say animals can sense such sullen energies. That’s okay, at least he could commune with his thoughts in these woods to the sounds of birds chirping or bullfrogs croaking.

Of all the areas he’d roamed, there was one particular tree he loved. An old oak tree, twisted and worn who’s trunk was so large Izuku couldn’t wrap his arms around it. The top branches melded with the canopy high above his head, and during spring and summer it’s leaves sheltered all that rested beneath it. He spent many a day resting at its base.

In its trunk was a deep hollow, weathered by time and the creatures that once created it. Perhaps a squirrel or woodpecker, who knew but the gods who watched over these forests. For Izuku, this hollow became a treasure chest where he could write about anything and hide away those words in a journal that only he would read. He poured his heart out into that notebook. All his pains and anguish, of forlornly outlooks, and heartaches desiring but one thing in this world... a family of his own. The omega in him wept to fulfill its purpose.

This journal allowed him to bury his sadness so when he went home he could put on a brave face for his mother. ‘I’ll be okay,’ Izuku would smile brightly at the woman. ‘I have you’ and I have my forest... fear of making her sad was the only thing keeping Izuku going.

Then one day in his eighteenth Spring, Izuku ventured out to his tree as he often would to vent. This season always left him saddened for it represented new beginnings and new life, something he believed he would never experience. But once he reached the tree, he immediately noticed something amiss. Izuku always tightly wrapped his journal in a thick bear skin to keep the weather from reaching it, and made sure it was pushed as far into the hollow too. But not only was it too close to the edge, the wrapping was messy as if re-bound hastily.

Izuku growled. People were so irritating! His refuge was violated and it left him feeling vulnerable. Now he would need to find a new hiding place! He pulled the journal out and inspected it to see if anything else was wrong with it. It better not be damaged! But his eyes zero in on a ripped piece of parchment that was folded and tucked into the first page of the notebook. The intruder had left him a note?! Why?! He unfolded it, eyes widening, and moisture gathering as he read the poorly written words someone had left behind.

‘Damn runt you sound like a mess, what the fuck happened after I left? If this is who I think it is and based on the simpering rambles and scent I think I’m right, be here at high noon each day so I can find you.’

The letter lowered in Izuku’s hand as he processed its contents. Who was this mystery person and why did they want to find him again? They seemed to know who he was just based off his words. He had vague memories of a possibility, but after all these years had chalked it up to an imaginary friend for a lonely three year-old. Plus it made little sense since a three year-old couldn’t write, so how would this stranger know he tended to talk a lot or ramble?! His brows furrowed, or it could be a trap. Slavers were not unknown in these parts, which was why only alphas tended to roam the woods or hunted. But Izuku wouldn’t make for a great prize either. This was certainly intriguing to say the least. The prospect of someone wanting him too good an opportunity to pass up. Though he was no fool.

The next day, Izuku trekked early to the tree and hid away in the brush. He wanted to see just who this stranger was, but if it was someone he didn’t recognize, he’d slip away again. As he waited, he wrote in his journal, chronicling the whole situation. His emotions, how the pangs of loneliness and longing for love fueled his curiosity as well as anxieties to sit there and unravel the mystery.

He hears the cracking of fallen branch litter and sure enough a form rounds the tree. Izuku’s heartbeat paused in recognition of the platinum blonde hair, and once the man turned to where he could see ruby red eyes glaring, he knew exactly who it was. His imaginary friend! But this was no child’s fantasy, for the virile male standing beside the tree was as real as the blood in Izuku’s veins flowing south.

“Come out,” the man commanded. “I can smell you.”

Izuku stepped out with the journal clutched to his chest and walked slowly towards the alpha.

“By the gods, you’re still as tiny as I remember,” the male snickered. “Do you even remember me?”

“I thought I’d made you up,” Izuku stammered.

The man came closer, grabbing the omega by the chin. “Oh, I’m very real.”

Izuku swallowed thickly, “what do you want from me?”

“What was promised,” the alpha responded. “You may be weak, but your scent was the only thing that calmed me as a child, so our mothers arranged for our betrothal at your 18th yr.”

Though a true statement, being called weak still upset Izuku. He pulled his face away from the alphas grip. “You need not pity me. I release you to choose a more suitable dame if you feel I am too weak.” Never mind the fact his mother has never mentioned him being betrothed!

“Tch! I don’t want another and your writings speak of family desire. What fool would refuse my offer to give them what they long for?!”

The tears well up in Izuku’s eyes. “I don’t even know your name.” And so many more questions ripple through his mind. Why hadn’t his mother said anything? Why had this man disappeared all this time? How did he even find him here?! Because this tree wasn’t even close to the village.

“You called me Kacchan cause you couldn’t say my name back then. But my family name is Bakugou.”

Izuku shook his head with all his thoughts and confusion. “Still, why wasn’t I told?!” He looked dead straight at the man, “and why’d you leave the village in the first place?!”

“Tch, fool, like I had a choice! I was five! This village is small so my parents moved to a bigger township with better opportunities.”

“But you could have kept in touch...” Tears now fall freely. “All my life I was so lonely. If I’d known you existed I would’ve had hope!”

“Look, I can’t help—“

“Don’t!” The omega roared cutting the alpha off. “So many nights I thought of ending my misery. How would you feel if you’d come back to find me dead?!”

The alpha snarled. “I can’t fucking change the past! Screwed up or not, at least I’m here now!”

But when the omega flinched and a flurry of fearful pheromones hit the alphas nose he stopped and took a deep inhale to calm himself. “Izuku, I’m here now, that’s all I can do to start things over. So, will you accept my proposal or not?”

Izuku hung his head, how could he say no?

To say no would mean throwing away the best chance he’s had for the life he’s craved. An opportunity to have a family, a sire for the pups he desired to bear. This alpha was a perfect specimen, and Izuku would be a fool to turn him down. But all his life, he’d only known disappointment. What if this turned out to be too good to be true? This alpha would take him away from all he’d known, granted he wasn’t happy there, but what of his mother? As a widower she had no one to care for her in old age. What if he couldn’t bear pups? Would this alpha cast him away for another? To go from loneliness to heartbreak? Which would be worse? And on top of that, he doesn’t know this man, or at least doesn’t remember much. The memories are vague, children playing, maybe some bullying, that’s all. He didn’t hate nor love him... yet.

But he could grow to love this alpha.

This Kacchan has a wondrous scent of spice and power brimming from within. He’ll produce fine pups for sure.

“Are you really sure you want me?” Izuku’s voice was meek and full of hesitation. “Nobody else has ever wanted me before.”

The alpha sighed. “Nobody makes me do what I don’t want to. I’m here by choice.”

“But look at me.” Izuku gestured at his body. “People say I won’t be able to carry a litter, I’m too small. You even called me weak. Why take a chance on me when surely you could find better?”

“Pfft, ignore these foolish villagers. In the larger cities I have seen many just like you do perfectly fine. Have produced perfect broods. These small-minded fools know not about such things and only believe in superstition. Give your answer now for I grow tired of this banter.”

After a brief pause, Izuku decided to accept his fate, whatever that may be. The alpha wanted him and only him. If in the end it doesn’t work out, at least he got to experience what he’d longed for, and that was better than never having to at all.

“Okay Kacchan. I accept.”

“Good. Then we shall pack up your things and travel to my home post haste. I’ve arranged for a horse and cart to transport everything, so you won’t need to return.”

“What of my mother? I-I cannot leave her alone.”

“She’ll come with us as a docent. You’ll need help to raise our pups.”

True to his word, the alpha took the Midoriya’s back to a sprawling estate located a four days journey away. The Bakugou clan had done well for itself in the fifteen years since they’d left the tiny remote village. On the property, the alphas parents lived in one home, a second was built for the young couple, while Izuku’s mother had a smaller one next to theirs. There was a farm and ranching enterprise along with trade that Bakugou senior engaged in to grow their wealth.

“Wow...” Izuku’s eyes lit up as he walked in. “It’s so much bigger than back home.”

Through the long journey, Izuku caught up on many of the questions that plagued him, such as how his mother thought when the Bakugou’s left the arrangement had been canceled, so that’s why she never mentioned it. But the alpha he knew now as Katsuki had never forgotten about him.

A beautiful nest had already been prepared and scented for the omega. It would need to wait until their formal ceremony took place the following day, but Izuku was just excited this was taking place. All the pain of the last fifteen years dissolved away in that moment. He turned to his alpha with tears streaming down his face and his scent filling the air of lavender wildflowers. It’s been so long since Izuku released a happy scent, even he’d forgotten what it was like. His eyes twinkled, crinkled in delight. “It’s so beautiful Kacchan, like in a fairytale.”

The alphas eyes roll back as he purred from his omegas pheromones filling their new home. He pulled Izuku to his broad chest. “That’s the scent I remember. The scent I loved as a child. How could anyone not snatch you up just for that?”

“Maybe because no one else has smelled it?”

Such a statement makes the alpha growl low from happiness, his chest rumbling with content. “Good.” He tipped Izuku’s chin up, red eyes boring down as he swept away tears. This scent belonged to him alone. “It’s all I wanna smell from now on. No more sadness or fear, understood?”

Izuku nodded his head as he smile grew. “Yes, my alpha.”

Katsuki placed a long, lingering kiss on the omegas lips that made Izuku’s heartbeat soar. For such a large male, the alpha was gentle with him. He knew the man had a fiery side, but Katsuki also knew how to love....

As autumn leaves made an entrance, tiny cries broke the air as two newborn pups came into their world. The pregnancy had been a bit difficult for the tiny omega, but with the support of his mate and family, Izuku accomplished everything he’d been told would never come to pass.

“Kacchan...” the omega, flushed with exhaustion, but beamed with pride, and shed tears of joy as he rested his head against his alpha’s supportive hand.

“See, I told you those villagers were fools.” Katsuki smiled, while lovingly soothing his omega. “You gave me two beautiful pups.”

“I love you Kacchan...”

“And they lived happily ever after,” the old alpha stated. “The end.”

“But grandpa, that’s nothing like the stories.”

“What do you mean?”

“Izuku didn’t leave a letter in the tree, a-and he knew Katsuki as a kid.”

“Well, you see over many, many Springs the true story was lost and all that remained is the story of an alpha finding an omegas sad love letter. People thought if that omega could get lucky, maybe I can too and began leaving letters in the tree. Today, the tradition continues.”

“Then how do you know the true story?”

“Izuku had green eyes right?”

“Yeah, like me!”

“Because he’s your great, great, great grandpa.”

[pawprintsmoon]

Merry Meet Again; love in the time of Salem

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27009418

Late October, 1692 found Massachusetts drenched in rain, with lightning reflecting on decaying leaves. Lexa K. Tricruton found herself bruised and muddy after her mare, spooked by the thunder, had bucked her to the ground before running off into the night. The horse would be able to find her way to Lexa’s stables in Salem and Lexa was not lost either. Her house was less than five miles north and though the rain was icy, it was not ice. Certainly she had faced worse. 

That was what she told herself before falling to the ground ten minutes later, her vision going black. 

When her eyes opened, the once roaring sound of thunder was muffled and she was no longer wet. Candlelight glowed against wooden walls as she eased into consciousness. Despite unfamiliar surroundings, the smell of wood smoke and something sweet calmed her as she sat up. Though her body ached, her bones were warmed and she could not feel fear while she looked around. She was in a small cottage -a comfortable hut really. A chimney filled the middle of the room and furs and dried herbs hung from the rafters. There was no staircase and only one door. Looking down she realized she was on a small bed, the only one in the one room home. 

“Oh good, you’re awake.” The voice belonged to the most beautiful woman Lexa had ever seen.

“You had me quite concerned. Had you been unconscious any longer… but there’s nothing to worry about. Here, drink this.”

Lexa could only stare as the blonde woman held out a ladle full of steaming liquid. She was no less than angelic and her blue eyes left Lexa struggling for breath.

“If I was going to poison you I would have just left you out in the storm,” the angel said, clearly mistaking Lexa’s speechlessness for mistrust. “Would’ve saved myself some trouble. Now drink up. You’ll feel better, I promise.”

“Who are you?” Lexa asked. She knew everyone in Salem and the surrounding countryside, and there was no way she could have missed a woman like this.

“My name is Clarke,” said the woman. She lifted the ladle once more. “Please.”

The smell was pleasant and the angel called Clarke did not seem to bear her any ill will. Lexa parted her lips and allowed Clarke to pour the sweet liquid into her mouth. It was just cooled enough to not burn her tongue and tasted sweet; like apples, cinnamon, and something strange that Lexa could not place. Absolutely delicious. Instantaneously Lexa’s headache subsided and she felt her bruises fade. Looking at her hands she saw the mud and scrapes were gone.

“What is that? The flavor is not unpleasant.”

“Oh, just a little brew,” Clarke said, turning away to fuss with the fire. “My own recipe.”

“Pray, tell me what is in it?”

“Well I can’t be giving away my secrets, can I?” Clarke’s tone was teasing and Lexa felt her lips twitch up at the corners. Now that she was feeling better, she really ought to be going. This woman was unknown, and though she seemed benevolent it was unwise to trust strangers in such times as these.

“Thank you, Clarke. I suppose I ought to be on my way,” said Lexa. She looked out one of the small diamond shaped windows to see that the storm still raged. A particularly loud thunder shook the cottage and almost covered the loveliest laugh Lexa had ever heard. 

“And what, walk through the freezing cold into town? Absolutely not.” There was something stern about Clarke that told Lexa there was absolutely no way on heaven or earth that she would be allowed back out into the storm. Admittedly this was all very well, as Lexa didn’t have much desire to leave the warmth and this beautiful woman’s presence. Clarke stirred the pot over the fire and hummed a little tune, giving Lexa an opportunity to hide her smile.

“How did you find me?” Lexa asked, accepting that she would stay until the storm died or the sun rose. “Why on earth would you be out on a night like this?”

“Oh, I just had an inkling I might be needed,” Clarke replied, clearing what looked like playing cards and chicken bones off the table and replacing them with the steaming iron pot. “Sometimes I get a feeling about these things. Woman’s intuition I suppose.”

Lexa narrowed her eyes and didn’t respond immediately. Clarke’s explanation was suspicious, but she knew better than to look a gift-horse in the mouth. She accepted another sip of the delicious brew.

“And what were you doing, riding at night through a storm?” asked Clarke.

“I was in Boston avenging a young couple for a witch who had killed all of their livestock. I thought I would be home before the storm hit, but clearly I was too optimistic.”

Clarke only nodded to acknowledge Lexa’s explanation. She changed the topic and said, “I believe you were concussed from being bucked off your horse.”

“But I recovered so quickly?” One of Lexa’s witch-hunters had suffered a concussion the week previous and he had been useless for days.

“It seems so.” Clarke smiled. “Do you feel better?”

Lexa nodded, unsure how such a speedy recovery was possible. Certainly Clarke was mistaken and she had not suffered such a head injury. There was not a trace of pain pulsing in her skull.

“All the same, you ought to lie back down. A good night’s sleep is always the best cure, for I think you may have suffered quite a chill out there as well.” As Clarke said this, Lexa’s body responded to the suggestion. Feeling heavy, she wanted little more than to fall back to sleep but her senses and manners were in good order so she stood up.

“I will sleep on the floor,” she said. Clarke just laughed and took a step toward her. 

“You most certainly will not.” Clarke all but pushed her back onto the bed. “You are still recovering and besides, you are my guest.”

When Lexa sat back onto the bed, she was breathless again at the angel’s close proximity. They were so close now, that Lexa had to crane her neck up to look Clarke in the eye and had to resist looking at the bosom that was at her natural line of sight. She could smell the wood smoke and spices that lingered on Clarke’s bodice.

“You don’t even know me,” said Lexa with constricted lungs. “To give a stranger your home, your bed… I could steal from you in the night.”

“I have nothing worth stealing,” Clarke said, looking down at Lexa fondly. “Besides, you are no stranger, Lexa K Tricruton. The Commander, they call you. You must know that you are the most famous witch hunter in the New World. You are far too noble to be a thief, and have quite an infamous reputation for demanding justice. I know that you are lawful even to the point of cruelty.”

“Justice is not cruel. It is the witch-hunter’s way.” Lexa’s eagerness to contradict Clarke almost made her miss the inexplicable fact that Clarke had recognized her face. She could not recall sitting for any portraits and this woman must be new to the area. Again, Lexa ignored her suspicions as to not offend her gracious host.

“Yes, so I have heard. Blood must have blood.” Clarke nodded. “And yet, I am not sure that a woman’s blood equates to the blood of livestock.” 

“When a farmer loses his livestock he loses his livelihood. This puts his life in danger.”

“There are some good people who question the efficacy of the trials,” Clarke continued. Her manner was mild as she ignored the explanation about livestock’s blood value.

“What people?”

“I could not say,” Clarke raised an eyebrow at Lexa and she realized that perhaps it was the blonde angel’s turn to be suspicious. “These good pilgrims would be unwise to express descent or opposition to the church.”

Lexa took this as a cue to apologize: “I do not mean to accuse you or your good people, Clarke. I greatly appreciate your generosity tonight.”

“Think nothing of it.” Clarke still seemed bothered though, and it stung. She must have sensed Lexa’s hurt however, because she immediately softened. Her delicate hand raised to gently stroke Lexa’s cheek, sending delightful shivers down Lexa’s spine. “You are simply showing your ability to be a brave hero to some and a formidable threat to others.”

‘A hero to a Godly man and a threat to a witch,’ Lexa thought to herself. 

 “I can tell there is great depth to your character,” Clarke continued. “I like it.” 

Lexa’s mouth was dry and she lowered her eyes unable to stand the intensity of Clarke’s enchanting blue gaze.

“Interesting people are often contradictory,” continued Clarke, taking a step back, “and I have a sense that you are more so than most.”

“A woman’s intuition again?” Lexa suggested with a hesitant smile.

“Yes,” Clarke said with a laugh, “exactly. You are infamously brutal, having drowned many witches, and yet you are too noble to take my bed from me. I think you must be ruthless and forgiving; strong and yet soft.”

Lexa swallowed. Clarke was identifying truths that she herself tried to deny. It was uncanny.

“They say you spend your life fighting the Devil’s servants, but you redeem yourself of man’s original sin through committing the sin of murder.”

“You go too far, Clarke.” Lexa stood up quickly so that they were almost nose to nose. This strange woman accused her of murder but yet she ached to be closer to those accusing lips. Full of contradictions indeed.

“I apologize,” Clarke said. They both held their breath for a moment and Lexa was impressed that Clarke did not take another step back. In unison they exhaled and both sat down on the bed.

“Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people,” Clarke suggested. Lexa wondered briefly who Clarke’s people were if not her own. A grain of wisdom told her not to ask in case it was an answer she did not want to hear. “Someday we won’t live in such dangerous times as these.”

“I hope so.”

“Do you wish it?” The angel’s grin flashed with mischief.

“I might, if wishes weren’t for fools.”

They sat in silence for a beat.

“So,” Lexa said, scanning the room for a patch of floor large enough to sprawl out on. “I will set myself up on the floor.”

“You will not. You will sleep in this bed.”

“I will not take your bed from you.” The fight was growing stale however, and Lexa was growing more and more drowsy. Neither of them spoke for a moment and Lexa felt heavy as if enchanted. The rain on the windows and the crackling fire were a lullaby and all she wished to do was to fall onto the feather filled bed. Gravity won and Lexa was horizontal with her head on Clarke’s pillow. She spoke again as her eyelids started to close. “I wish you wouldn’t be too kind to sleep in your own bed.”

“Oh Lexa,” she heard Clarke’s soft laugh, “you ought to know I can’t possibly say no to a wish.”

“Hmm, are you a fairy?” Lexa murmured as Clarke lay down next to her, pulling the quilt over them both. 

“Something like that.” Lexa could hear a smile in Clarke’s voice and let one spread onto her sleepy face as well. Before she could think another thought she was caught by slumber, her body inches away from Clarke’s on the tiny bed.

***

Loud purring woke Lexa the next morning and something four legged and agile was walking on her shoulders. Apparently Clarke had a cat. Resisting wakefulness she snuggled into the blankets and pressed against Clarke’s soft body that she held in her arms. It wasn’t until she opened her eyes into long strands of blonde hair that she startled and bolted upright. The black cat hissed and jumped up into the rafters, offended by Lexa’s sudden movements. 

How was it that she was cuddling with a stranger though she was usually guided by suspicion of all people? A strange angel who might even question the sanctity of Christ and the trials!

“Yes, your actions do sometimes contradict your beliefs, don’t they?” said Clarke as if reading Lexa’s mind. Lexa’s eyes narrowed as Clarke’s opened. The previous night had been like a dream, and yet here she was waking up to a reality in a strange and beautiful woman’s home.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” Lexa said. “I am going back into town now.”

“Of course, I wish you well on your journey. Merry meet again.”

When Clarke said the word ‘journey,’ Lexa’s heart sank. It would be a nearly two hour hike back to town and witch hunter Titus wrote that he had urgent business to discuss. “I wish I still had my horse. ”

“Wish granted,” whispered Clarke, smiling gently from the bed. Her hair was mussed and her eyes glossy from sleep. Lexa frowned, sensing the same danger she had been wary of during last night’s controversial conversations. Her unease was not assuaged by the sight of her horse waiting for her outside of Clarke’s cottage.

***

When Lexa arrived back in the center of Salem she saw Titus waiting outside her large house, his wig powdered and his collar tight against the loose skin of his neck. Lexa had only time enough to tie up her horse before he began to speak to her.

“There is a new woman who lives near town. Led by the devil surely,” Titus said. “The dodgy woman never took a husband and Minister Jaha claims she has never attended a Sunday service. The deviant has a black cat and Miss Alie saw her speaking to her garden plants.”

“You suspect she is a witch?” 

“Without a doubt. The exact profile of a woman possessed by a demon. Incurable, I’m afraid.”

“Well,” Lexa considered the efficacy of the trials, “we’ll have to do a test, of course. See if she floats.”

Titus nodded vigorously and Lexa felt a shiver run up her spine. Much less pleasant than the shivers Clarke had caused the night before. Though the sun shone, the Autumn air was cold. 

“I need a moment to settle in,” she told Titus. “Send for me when you’ve determined whether this woman is a witch or not.”

“Once she fails the test, you’ll determine whether to burn or hang her, then?” Titus checked as if Lexa didn’t alway end up having the last word.

“Yes, yes just come for my command,” Lexa agreed, eager to get inside. “It’s cold. I imagine a fire would help us all to rid ourselves of such a demon.”

He responded in agreement, and went on to tell Lexa about how the woman went against the Puritan code. Supposedly the witch’s coat was awkwardly torn in two places and young Charlotte had tragically fallen off a cliff. Lexa hardly needed more proof than this and she agreed that the people of Salem needed to see justice. 

After giving Titus clear instructions to follow the will of the Law and the Church, Lexa finally entered the safe silence of her home. Her house was too large for one person, and it was only her reputation as a witch-hunter that saved her from the question of why she was still unmarried. And why she owned far more candles than was strictly necessary. All of the New World knew she was a Godly woman.

If only Clarke’s warm cider waited inside her house. She needed a moment to herself, but if she was honest she would have preferred to lie in the bed of an angel once more. Alas, her respite was lonely and brief before she heard the angry crowds outside her house. With a lazy reluctance she left her house and walked toward the town square where her people flocked. As she passed, they stilled to look at her with awe. Their energy was contagious and Lexa’s heart pumped stronger as she looked out to address them.

“The witches have cast a shadow over this town for too long. They’ve haunted us and controlled us. They have instilled fear into our hearts. That ends today.” Lexa’s voice was loud and strong as it spoke these familiar words. Her people had heard them before, but they roared with the same vindication as their first witch trial. Lexa let their excitement fill her with righteous fury, until she looked up at the woman tied to the stake. 

Clarke. 

Blue eyes desperately pleaded with her and the flames flashed lights against her fair skin. Her blonde hair was frizzing from heat. 

Lexa oughtn’t have been surprised considering the obvious magic around the woman but still, it was a nightmare to see an angel tied on the stake like a demon. She had been suspicious the night before but denial was strong. Especially when one is under the charm of a witch. But… perhaps there was such a thing as a good witch? For her charms could not have been satanic.

“Lexa, please!” cried Clarke, voice rough. She coughed as smoke clouded around her beautiful face. “Please, help me.”

Lexa wanted nothing more than to help Clarke, yet her people called for justice. She needed to do what was best for them. Titus had said a young girl, Charlotte, had died. Blood must have blood. The people needed to see Clarke burn.

“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice.” Lexa’s voice carried as though God spoke through her. 

“Please, Lexa. I know you do not wish for me to burn!”

It was true, Lexa did not wish it. If only this was all pretend, that any moment Clarke could jump out of the fire and come to embrace her. She wished they lived in a different time, a different world, one where she was not a witch hunter, one where she was free. Lexa couldn’t declare such a desire out loud, but she could look into Clarke’s flame-lit eyes and try to communicate truth.

“I wish things were different,” she whispered.

Suddenly, Clarke’s panicked expression morphed into a wicked grin. 

Surely it was impossible that Clarke had heard Lexa’s wish above the noise of the fire and jeering crowd? Yet it must have been magic that blurred Lexa’s vision. The world spun around her, her vision went black, and time lost meaning for a second. Or a minute. Or an hour. Or several centuries.

***

The smell of wood smoke still filled the air around Lexa, but the crowd around her had stopped shouting for the witch to burn and had started chattering and laughing. There was the sound of an acoustic guitar playing a song that Lexa didn’t recognize at first. The style of the music was like none she had ever heard before. Though when slurring voices joined in she recognized it as “Wagon Wheel.”

Slender arms wrapped around her waist and soft lips pressed against her own. They tasted like apples, cinnamon, and something familiar that Lexa recognized immediately.

“Clarke?” Lexa opened her eyes to see an angel’s wicked grin.

“Happy Halloween, babe.” Clarke kissed her again and Lexa kissed back instinctively.

“Wait...” Lexa pulled back. Wasn’t Halloween Satan’s holiday? No, she remembered, it was about pumpkins and candy. “Halloween isn’t for another three days.”

“Yes, well this is a Halloween party and it’s Halloweekend. I’ll wish you happy Halloween if I want to.”

Lexa didn’t respond. Her mind felt hazy but she started to remember arriving at the party with Anya and Lincoln before wandering off to find her girlfriend. Yes, that was right. Clarke had to come to the party late, after a med-school study session.

“Have a little too much witch’s brew there, Lex?”

“Witch’s brew?” Lexa looked down at the warm cup she hadn’t realized she was holding. “You’re a witch?”

“Well yeah! You, me, Raven, Emori, and Octavia? We’re dressed as a sexy coven.” Clarke was exasperated but smiling as her fingers intertwined with Lexa’s. With the other hand she gestured down to her skimpy black dress, orange fishnet tights, and up to the pointed black hat on her head. Then she rolled her eyes playfully. “Echo insisted on being a witch-hunter, plastic sword and everything. But she’s just weird that way, right?”

Lexa was speechless and, looking down at her girlfriend’s body, she felt an undeniable hunger. Absolutely nothing contradicted the desire she felt for this witchy woman. Only after she took a deep breath could she ask, “Aren’t you cold?”

Clarke giggled and pulled Lexa close again. “That’s what you’re here for. Wrap me up in that ridiculously large cloak of yours.”

Lexa looked down at her own costume and appreciated her pointy boots and vaguely magical pendant. Then, with a smile she pulled her girlfriend under her thick velvet cloak and they shared a hot cup of whiskey-apple witch’s brew.

[dianapocalypse]

Alright y’all, with the release of Mass Effect: Legendary Edition, it’s time for me to share my playlist for the entire trilogy.

I’ve refined this over like six years so scientifically speaking it’s probably good right. oh also it’s four hours long. so if you have a road trip or a boring job, this one’s for you. disclaimer, it’s entirely possible I have garbage taste in music. I also missed some characters and moments because there’s 65 songs here and I am merely human.

If you don’t have the patience for four hours, I recommend starting at track 45 and listening to the end, as the Mass Effect 3 portion is the strongest in my opinion.

UNDER THE CUT FOR DESCRIPTIONS WE GO!

FIRST MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 1

1. Atlas - Coldplay Eden Prime

“Sometimes the wire Must tense for the note Caught in the fire, say oh We're about to explode“

I really like the atmosphere of this song. It’s ominous, but also somehow hopeful, and makes me feel like Something Huge Is Coming.

2. I Will Not Sing A Hateful Song - Constantines Paragon Shepard

“But I was also born and raised To always speak and listen clear To know the last sound that I make Could be the last sound that I hear“

OK, listen, I think this song is about vampires, and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a metaphor or not. But I think this is a great song about controlling one’s temper, about knowing that you have to Rise Above the parts of you that want to lash out sometimes to get things done and have peace. Seeing as how paragon Shepard, to me, always seems like they’re three deep breaths away from snapping, but manage to keep it in check, it fits them to a T.

And also maybe they’re a vampire.

3. Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley Renegade Shepard

“So I let the rumors Turn me into a legend 'Cause I'm only human But a good myth is hard to kill”

This one’s a recent addition, but holy cow, I love it for Renegade Shep, particularly an Earthborn or Ruthless, but it works for any of them.

4. We Own the Skies - Five Iron Frenzy Joker

“My hands are bleeding where they often crack The stars will sometimes burn with longing Through the choking black Of night shifts piling each against the next”

This really vibes with Joker’s backstory for me, his super driven serious self in flight school, contrasted with who he is when he can fly a ship. He’s the best pilot in the goddamn fleet and I love him.

5. I Just Wanna See - Smash Mouth Kaidan Alenko

“Mister moon checkin' on how y'all livin' The stars all winkin' at the day that's dimmin' I just wanna see”

This song fits into his reactions to first showing up at the Citadel and his former romanticism about living in space. Ironically, it’s a song about Earth, but I feel like it works well for him. Also, Smash Mouth absolutely sounds like the kind of music Kaidan would listen to, no I will not be taking questions or constructive criticism.

6. Don’t Give Up - Noisettes Ashley Williams

“She's got a talented face and a suitcase Ain't got no desire to go no place In her case she's got no desire with her hand in the flame say's she don't feel the fire “

The energy of this song is just perfect for Ashley’s no-nonsense chip on her shoulder attitude.

7. About As Helpful As You Can Be Without Being Any Help At All - Dan Mangan The Council

“I was thrown in the boat/Cast out to sea Friendly with waves/There were sharks below Hungry for me/So I dangled my leg”

I mean, the title says it all.

8. The Captain - Guster Anderson

“Courageous, just like the captain Marching forward with no doubt in his head”

I have adored this song ever since my friend played it for me, and it’s the ultimate mentor-protégé jam for me.

9. Secret Agent Man - Johnny Rivers Garrus Vakarian

“Here's a man who leads a life of danger To everyone he meets he stays a stranger Oh, with every move he makes another chance he takes The odds are he won't live to see tomorrow”

I have to poke a little fun at Garrus and how seriously he takes himself in Mass Effect 1. I romanced him across four playthrus, I’m allowed!

10. I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit - Kill Lincoln Urdnot Wrex

“This random apathy/I swear it's killing me But I guess it's all the same, till the devil knows my name”

I don’t know ANYTHING about this band, but this song fits Wrex’s disillusionment with the Krogan well, plus, like. The title. (And also, that he secretly DOES care what happens to the Krogan.)

11. Bird Song - Juniper Vale Tali’zorah nar Rayya

“I want to dance on the horizon line But there is something I am caged behind I have a heart made for take flight But I'm low, so low”

I adore this song and the sound of Juniper Vale in general. The etherealness of this one, combined with the youthful optimism, feels very Tali. The line about ‘something I am caged behind’ works well for the suits, too. This one’s especially good if you’re a Talimancer!

12. 11. Green Garden - Laura Mvula Liara T’Soni

“And I’ll fly on the wings of a butterfly High as a tree top and down again Putting my bag down, taking my shoes off Walk on the carpet of green velvet”

I really like this song’s vibes and I feel like Liara fits it well, particularly in ME1, before all her youthful optimism is stripped from her. The scenery descriptions feel very Thessia, too.

13. Feed Me (Git It) - Little Shop of Horrors The Thorian 

“The guy sure looks like plant food to me!”

Do you get it. Do you get my joke. It’s because the Thorian is a plant that eats people. (I’m not funny)

14. Blindness - Metric Matriarch Benezia

“I was a blind fool, never complained All the survivors singing in the rain “

I don’t love the use of blind here as a negative, albeit metaphorical, descriptor, but I think this song fits Benezia’s indoctrination and death well. If you have suggestions for another, though, let me know!

15. Technologic - Daft Punk Saren

“Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it”

I just think it’s Neat

16. Watershed - Vienna Teng The Reapers

“ While you were building your empires I was still sleeping”

I think this is the song that inspired the entire playlist. Vienna Teng sat down and decided to write a song from the perspective of a natural disaster, and it’s so ominous and gut-wrenching.

17. Hourglass - The Hush Sound Virmire

“This is how it ends We believe every lie and say we'll be friends How long will it last? Before we scratch all the scripts and we rework the cast “

hahahahah rework the cast get it because you have to pick who DIES

Seriously tho I really like this song for Virmire and that moment of choice that feels like it lasts 100 years on some playthroughts.

18. Pompeii - Bastille The Siege of the Citadel

“ And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love”

Throwback to when this song was on the radio like three times an hour. Which is around the time I made the first draft of this playlist, incidentally! It’s such a good Final Battle Jam for the Citadel, and the part about “if you close your eyes/does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all” I think work really well for Shepard in this sequence. Shepard knew the Reapers were coming, had been fighting them all along; this attack on the Citadel is just retreading familiar territory for them, as horrifying as the war being brought to their doorstep is for the Citadel’s citizens and the council. James Vega has some good dialogue about that kind of thing in ME3.

INTERLUDE THE FIRST

19. Starships - Nicki Minaj The Normandy Crew

Starships were meant to fly Hands up and touch the sky

I like to have a little fun OK

20. Gravity - Yoko Kanno The Death of Commander Shepard

“Am I alone? is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet still the road keeps on telling me to go on”

Welcome to mood whiplash, it’s my specialty! This is the part where you die. I think it also works for her coma very well, when she’s just drifting between life and death, not sure what’s going on, but something keeps trying to pull her back to the world.

SECOND MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 2

21. The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy The Lazarus Project

“Hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out? I'm gonna change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix “

this song has no right to go as hard as it does and if  you think it’s melodramatic shut up

22. My Body Is A Cage - Peter Gabriel Commander Shepard

“I'm living in an age Whose name I don't know Though the fear keeps me moving Still my heart beats so slow “

This works particularly well if you romanced The Virmire Survivor, but this song captures the energy of Shepard freaking out bc they are trapped with Cerberus, because Cerberus rebuilt their body from the ground up. That jarring, caged feeling is so palpable in ME2 that when they gave me back Joker the first time I played, I BURST INTO SOBS from relief.

23. The Lady is a Vamp - The Spice Girls Miranda Lawson

“That's all in the past, legends built to last But she's got something new”

Listen. She’s a bond babe. Handbags, heels and pistols rock. She’s got class. This is a song about Miranda. That is all.

24. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down Jacob Taylor

“ I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon After all I knew, it had to be something to do with you “

This one’s about the Vibes for me. Also can apply to his past relationship with Miranda. I’m also super showing my age on this song, oof haha.

25. Stable Song - Death Cab For Cutie Colony Abduction

“Rows of deserted houses all Our stable mates highway bound “

I really like the mood of this one for showing up on the very first abducted colony, the eerieness and sadness of it all and Shepard’s resolve to do something about it.

26. Konichiwa Bitches - Robyn Kasumi Goto

“I'm so very hot that when I rob your mansion You ain't call the cops, you call the fire station”

THAT COUPLET ALONE MAKES THE ENTIRE SONG. I love how playful and cheeky it is.

27. Seven Nation Army Glitch Mob Remix - The White Stripes, Glitch Mob Zaeed Massani

“And I'm talking to myself at night Because I can't forget Back and forth through my mind Behind a cigarette”

Pretty sure we all had this on some playlist or another when it came out, and it’s the perfect Badass With A Grudge song.

28. Science is Real - They Might Be Giants Mordin Solus

“ And when a theory emerges Consistent with the facts The proof is with science The truth is with science “

This one actually got added by my wife to replace a song that wasn’t on Spotify, but that has the same energy; Hank Green’s “I Fucking Love Science”. I get more into the emotional side of Mordin in the ME3 section, but I also really just love his Hamster On Coffee energy and this song captures it really well.

29. Prove Yourself - Radiohead Garrus Vakarian

“I can't afford to breathe in this town Nowhere to sit without a gun in my hand Hooked back up to the cathode ray

I'm better off dead “

The absolute rock bottom mental state Garrus is in when you get back to him in ME2 is so heartwrenching. Might not always agree with my boy’s methods, but he’s one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

30. Rat a Tat - Fallout Boy Feat. Courtney Love Jack

“We are professional ashes of roses, this kerosene's live You settled your score, this is where you come to beg”

It helps that Courtney Love sounds exactly like Jack to me, NGL.

31. Defeat You - Smash Mouth Grunt

“Hey I know what you've done It makes it that much better to defeat you “

Only I am brave enough to put two songs by Smash Mouth on the same playlist, to be shared in 2021

32. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New Horizon/The Virmire Survivor

“If it makes you less sad I will die by your hand Hope you find out what you want Already know what I am “

Hits harder if you romanced the Virmire Survivor. Mostly from Shep’s perspective. This is a Shep that feels Bad after that encounter rather than Mad, so Your Mileage May Vary.

33. Violet Stars Happy Hunting! - Janelle Monae Tali’zorah vas Neema

“I'm an alien from outer space I'm a cyber-girl without a face a heart or a mind”

I just like the vibes of this one for Tali! I know it’s more about an actual AI but...IDK. I like it. So there.

34. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd Thane Krios

“There is no pain you are receding A distant ship smoke on the horizon”

This song works both on a Literal level with his Kepral’s syndrome struggles, but also Metaphorical re: his Battle Sleep. Plus, Thane is a dad, so he gets Dad Rock.

35. My Medea - Vienna Teng Samara

“For I have made her prison be Her every step away from me And this child I would destroy If you tried to set her free “

Mom of the year award, here

36. Toxic - Britney Spears Morinth

“There's no escape, I can't wait I need a hit, baby, give me it You're dangerous, I'm loving it”

If Morinth weren’t so under-utilized after recruitment and didn’t get killed off in the background of ME3 I’d probably actually recruit her sometimes. I almost did on my most recent playthru bc that Shepard just HATES SPACE COPS. Anyway the song explains itself

37. Turn me On - David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj EDI/The Collector Attack

“My body needs a hero Come and save me Something tells me you know how to save me”

I know this song is a metaphor but also it works really well both literally and metaphorically for Joker saving EDI

38. Robots - Dan Mangan Legion

“Robots need love too They want to be loved by you “

The Geth just want to live peacefullyyyyyy 

39. Be Still - The Killers Love Interest Theme

“Be still / someday you’ll leave fearlessness on your sleeve”

This song works so well for the night before Omega-4. If you had an ME2 love interest, anyway. Also “fearlessness on your sleeve” is one of my favorite set of words ever written.

40. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire The Omega-4 Relay

“We know a place no spaceships go We know a place where no subs go “

This one’s pretty literal.

41. Rocketman - Elton John Suicide Mission

“ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home “

I like sneaking some Classics onto my playlists, and I think this is how I generally approach Shepard’s mindset during the Suicide Mission, mostly the chorus. I’m also a sucker for ballads during action sequences. This one isn’t a perfect 1:1 but the Vibes check out.

42. Blast Off - David Guetta feat. Kaz James The Normandy Crew

“Got all my people with me And none of us give a fuck So put dem hands up higher Let's smash this party up”

You have to imagine they partied HARD after recovering from Suicide Mission, but before Shep got arrested, right??? This is the Starships for ME2.

INTERLUDE THE SECOND

43. I’m Not Your Hero - Tegan and Sara Liara T’soni

“ Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart Learning all I know now, losing all I did I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead “

This feels like a good coming of age moment for Liara, as she copes with the choices she made in the 2 years of Shepard’s death (giving them to Cerberus), losing Feron, etc. This is her coming into her own as the Shadow Broker. She’s not meant to be an uncomplicated Big Damn Hero, but she can do good from this position.

44. The Well and the Lighthouse - Arcade Fire The Alpha Relay Incident

“I'm serving time All for a crime I did commit You want the truth? You know I'd do it all again“

These opening lines I feel capture the Alpha Relay Incident really well, and how Shepard did what they HAD to do there, and would do it again, but it still feels like shit. I always wished there was more choice on that mission, but also, having something like that happen without player agency is interesting. Shepard is at their most interesting, I think, in times where we DON’T have a say in what happens to them.

45. Reignite - Malukah Commander Shepard

“Crush my heart into embers, and I will reignite”

Is it cheating to use a Mass Effect fan song on my playlist? I certainly don’t think so, and this is the best Mass Effect fan song ever written.

THIRD MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 3

46. This Is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars Leaving Earth

“It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie The moment to live and the moment to die The moment to fight, the moment to fight To fight, to fight, to fight “

It feels Too Easy to use this here but I’m gonna anyway. You’ve seen AMVs of this set to everything. It’s the ending song of DA:O. It’s the quintessential World At War song.

47. Battleborn - The Killers James Vega

“Up against the wall There's something dying on the street When they knock you down You're gonna get back on your feet”

James Vega is massively underrated and I will love him til I’m cold in the ground. Aro icon.

48. Handlebars - Flobots The Illusive Man

“I can hand out a million vaccinations Or let 'em all die of exasperation Have 'em all healed of their lacerations Have 'em all killed by assassination”

The way this song escalates fits TIM and Cerberus’s fall back into being Just Full On Evil really well. Perfect song for a power trip.

49. Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - The Decemberists The Virmire Survivor

“And I am nothing of a builder But here I dreamt I was an architect And I built this balustrade To keep you home, to keep you safe From the outside world”

I like this song for how the Virmire Survivor feels about their survivor’s guilt and also about Shepard. I honestly wish they were both more heavily utilized in ME2 and 3, but I realize it’s hard to write a ton of content for characters who just aren’t in half of all peoples’ playthrus.

50. Heaven Knows - The Pretty Reckless Grisson Academy

“One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie Show your life with your head held high“

This song is so perfect for Jack and her biotic kids that she’s one of the only returning characters that gets her own song on this playlist

51. The Great Fire - OK Go Javik

“But when the flames die down, and everything is gone, Will there be fire under the ashes still?”

Self explanatory. Javik is the fire remaining under the ashes.

52. Bring the Hammer Down - Paragon Priority: Tuchanka/Kalros

“ Hammer strikes the anvil A rage that breaks the chain Strikes down like a lightening In our ranks “

KALROOOOOS

53. Wake Up - Arcade Fire Curing The Genophage/Mordin Solus

“If the children don't grow up, Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up. We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms, turnin' every good thing to Rust I guess we'll just have to adjust”

I just really love this song as an image of Mordin’s spirit looking out over Tuchanka as the genophage cure is dispersed, and watching over future generations. If you didn’t cure the genophage, how dare you. No song for you.

Anyway started tearing up listening to this one while writing the description don’t look at me

54. Ballad of a Politician - Regina Spektor Councillor Udina/Priority Citadel 2

“A man inside a room is shaking hands with other men This is how it happens/Our carefully laid plans”

traitor

55. Cyborgs vs. Robots - Ludo The Geth-Quarian War

“But your iron fist will never knock me down 'Cause I'm powered By a conscious right to conduct my life without fear.”

This is probably a bit silly for this awful war. But also. It does fit. You can’t tell me it doesn’t. Just save them both at the end and you can feel fine having some fun with it!

56. Artificial Heart - Jonathan Coulton The Geth

“It's not a real heart It is a real artificial heart”

Just a little fun with the Geth! This works best with Reaper Upgrades.

57. With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Anderson, Jim Sturgess The Citadel DLC

“What do you see when you turn out the light? I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends”

I happen to prefer this version to any other because of how much fun it sounds like they’re having

58. Dark In Here - The Mountain Goats Priority: Earth

“Steal away at sundown, pick a place to hide Check for signs of ambush, hunker down inside Tired of running, tired of never standing still Hear them riding up the hill“

You know I had to get the Goats in here. Would it be a fan playlist if there wasn’t one?

59. Adieu - Yoko Kanno Leaving your Love Interest/Shepard and the Beam

“My love for you burns deep inside me / So strong Embers of times we had And now, here I stand / Lost in a memory I see your face, and smile”

...do I need to say more than that?

60. My Way (Minor Key) - Chase Holfelder The Indoctrination of The Illusive Man

“Regrets, I've had a few/But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do/I saw it through, without exemption“

This cover takes this song from something I tolerate when I hear it to one of my FAVORITE songs. The frenzied way he sings the “through it all” verse is PEAK Indoctrinated TIM.

61. I’m Alive - Disturbed Refusal 

“There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice To change myself, I'd rather die/Though they will not understand”

Honestly I didn’t “get” the Refusal ending until I heard this song, then I was like, OH, I SEE IT ALL SO CLEARLY NOW. This is my favorite in-universe Shepard take on the Refusal ending. I always got it from the player’s perspective of being dissatisfied with the options, but this one puts it into the world for me. This is a Shepard who does not trust the Starchild. This is a Shepard that chooses to end things on their own terms rather than submit to their designs.

62. Machine - Regina Spektor Control 

“I collect my moments Into a correspondence With a mightier power Who just lacks my perspective And who lacks my organics And who covets my defects “

I used to have Adieu here, actually, because like Refusal, I didn’t used to GET the Control ending. Now, I do, in part thanks to hearing this song. I mean, just go look at the full lyrics. If this song hadn’t been written years before the end of Mass Effect 3, I’d swear it was a fan song for it.

63. Maybe Tomorrow - Yuki Kajiura Destroy 

“The moon is gone And the night is still so dark I'm a little bit afraid of tomorrow“

I’m a Destroy Ending person, I won’t lie. Full on “the starchild is a liar and my synthetic friends are FINE” indoctrination theory level destroy ending. But this song is not about that. It’s about the canonical destroy ending, and if you prefer a Shep that survives it, this song’s for you.

This song captures the exhaustion and melancholy of the end of a long journey so well. Shepard is afraid of what comes next, the collateral damage resulting from their actions. But they know that, at least, it’s over now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

64. Waiting For the End - Linkin Park Synthesis

“ I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I wanna do is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got”

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. The hardest part of ending is starting again. Oof. Gets me every single time. Shepard finding the resolve to sacrifice themself for the hope of something better, of things not going how they planned, ever, of learning to make peace with that and the people who loved them learning to carry on without them? OOF.

65. Shine - Vienna Teng Epilogue

“Shine with all the untold Hold the light given unto you Find the love to unfold In this broken world we choose“

Vienna Teng is a master of capturing life’s softer emotions, and this fits perfectly with the epilogue scene for me. Tell me again about the Shepard.

“Find the love to unfold in this broken world we choose” has to be one of the greatest lines about the human experience ever written.

[yandere-romanticaa]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇʟʟᴛᴀʟᴇ ᴛᴀʟᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍʏꜱᴛᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴀɴᴅʀᴇᴡ ᴊᴇᴋʏʟʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜᴀᴠᴇ ᴇᴅᴡᴀʀᴅ ʜʏᴅᴇ.

♥♥♥

A well beloved doctor living in London, Andrew has made quite a name for himself! All of his patients are very happy with his work as he is able to always diagnose them properly and give them the correct medicine - truly a divine blessing in this day and age. He's a cheerful gentleman in his mid to early thirties who always has a gentle smile on his face. He is very fond of children and he does not mind babysitting them whenever someone asks him to do so, making him popular with parents and single mothers especially. During the day time he is filled to the brim with work but he always makes time to have afternoon tea, chat with his servants, or just try to enjoy like in general. A truly kind man in the eyes of many!

Alas though, when darkness overcomes his manor a new side of the good doctor surfaces, a side that no one knows about.

And Andrew plans to keep it that way.

There are many, many things that the doctor desires, craves, needs. But he is stuck in the same place day by day as he is forced to play his role of the savior. Even the good doctor Andrew likes to indulge himself from time to time... But that indulgence has gotten out of hand. By sheer accident Andrew was able to create a special elixir which is able to shift him in to a completely different person. His body is different, his hair is different, everything is different. His psyche however, remains the same.

And Andrew uses this newfound knowlege to his advantage.

Dubbing his new alter ego "Edward Hyde", Andrew is pleased to do what he wants once the sun sets. He messes with the townfolk, he shamelessly flirts and seduces any woman he sees, he picks on the young and the poor, nothing is off the table. This becomes a habbit very quickly as Edward is soon well known among the city. Some flee and flinch at the mere mention of him while others scoff and prepare their fists for a fight. Things continue like this for a while until Andrew notices that whenever he changes in to Edward, his mind is no longer fully his. Even throught the day as he sits in his office he can hear a gruff voice at the back of his mind, telling him to just finish the damn paperwork already. He starts hearing this voice everywhere and he starts to think that he is going mad. The voice taunts him day after day until he finally turns in to Hyde. Only then is he able to feel some inner peace. Andrew soon starts to lose control over himself as the voice grows louder and louder, yelling at him and commanding him to do its bidding. Every day now turns in to a battle as Andrew struggles to get out of bed and face himself in the mirror... But that's the catch. On one fateful morning the reflection he sees is not his own.

It's Hyde's.

The glowing green eyes of Edward Hyde stare back at him as Jekyll does his best to hold his breath in. This can't be real, this can't be happening! By now Andrew is pretty much at war with this new persona he had made and he does not know how to stop this coflict. Both do as they please which contradicts their previous actions, making both Edward and Andrew more then a little suspicious to the public eye. By this point Andrew regrets having ever created Edward but it's too late now. Edward Hyde was a part of him now, a dark part of him which could not be released. The only thing Andrew could do was to keep him at bay even if he was bearly able to do so. This constant pushing and pulling was exhausting to both of them and both were more then ready for a release.

And their release indeed came, but not in the way they thought it would.

It came in the form of love. Love for a sweet darling, a twisted obsession and want over this special little lamb who stumbled in to their lives by sheer accident, at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Andrew and Edward remain greatful still.

The pushing and pulling dies down whenever (y/n) is in the room and their attitudes are completely different from each other. Oh, if only (y/n) knew just what sort of danger awaits...

Andrew Jekyll.

Ever the gentleman, Andrew always places his darlings needs before his own. He worries for his sweetheart constantly as he dotes on them, making sure that they are safe and happy. Did his darling eat today? Did his darling sleep well? He won't ever stop asking these questions whenever he sees them, he just can't help himself! He never shuts up and he always seems to forget what he is trying to say but that's okay, his darling doesn't seem to mind.

Andrew stays gentle like that for a while as he treats his darling like divine royalty which does not go unnoticed by the people around him. He hears his servants whisper many things once he turns his back but he can't help but to blush a little - he may act a little awkward but in reality he really doesn't mind.

Andrew is also willing to bend over backwards and break his spine to get his darling whatever their little heart desires. He has more then enough money then he knows what to do with anyway! He wants jis darling to depend on him, he wants to be darlings only one true protector. He wants to provide for his darling like a good husband would.

Andrew often loses himself in these little fantasies that he gets distracted from his work, cahsing him to mess something up or to accidentaly spill or destroy amything around him. It's a vicious cycle of endless pinning as Andrew just doesn't have the guts to express his feelings, much to Hyde's annoyance and amusement. Cracks will start to form deep within him as Andrew tries to restrain himself more and more whenever he is around his darling. His smiles are not entierly his anymore as he stares his darling down like a piece of meat. Andrew hungers for darlings love and approval which in a way, does make his darling a piece of meat to him.

No matter what he just can never get enough of his darling, ever. The cheerful smiles thrown his way are not enough, and good grief just the mere brush of darlings fingers against his own is enough to send Jekyll in to a panicked frenzy. He loses his composure right there and then as he is forced to look his darling in the eye and do... nothing. He can't do anything he desires, he can't grab his darling by the back of their neck and press those pretty little lips against his own...

He can't caress the love of his life freely in public.

Hell, he can't even touch them without someone making a fuss.

Everything, everyone, is slowly driving him mad.

His love is driving him mad.

Andrew's affection starts to turn conditional, he can only ever shower his darling with gifts if they behave how he wants them to, if they pay enough attention to him, which is of course never quite enough.

His sanity fades as lovesickness kicks in.

His patience is wearing thin. What's taking his darling to love him back already? Hasn't he done everything any ideal lover would do? He has done literally everything, it must be his darling! It can't be his fault! His soft spoken words soon turn sharper then any knife as he imagines that very same weapon in his hands, pressed against darlings pretty little neck. Bruised, bloody and broken, that's how Jekyll wants his darling to be now.

He wants to crush them in his love.

And chances are, he will give in to his temptations.

Edward Hyde.

Tsk, tsk, this man is quite the charmer. A real smooth talker blessed with a deeper voice then his more seemingly more gentle counterpart, Hyde is no stranger to suggestive comments and rough touches. His feelings ignite like flames, quickly and suddenly. They take over his heart and soul, burning him and leaving endless ache and want in its path.

It's a strange feeling. He doesn't know how to feel about it...

When he meets his darling he treats her just how he treats other women. He craves nothing more then darlings body but when darling turns him down Hyde feels intrigued. Playing hard to get, eh?

He is always up for a good challenge.

Hyde stops paying attention to other women and his darling soon becomes his prime time target - Edward cannot move on unless he has his darling. He provokes, taunts and teases, just itching to see darlings reactions to his schemes. Cuss at him, slap him, do anything you want! Just as long as your focus is on him that wolf like grin will never leave his face. He just loves it when his darling turns red, it's so cute he could kiss her. His provoking continues like this for a while until Hyde begins to realize just how some couples act around each other. His softer side starts to show itself and it's something to marvel at really.

Unlike Jekyll, who is soft at the beginning and turns cruel at the end, Hyde is the opposite of that. He doesn't want to just mess with his darling anymore, he wants to actually love and care for her, to actually be in a commited relationship.

His protective side is on full display and anyone with at least a single braincell should be able to get the message.

Hyde often wonders when the Hell did he become so soft all of a sudden. He wants this pain in his chest to stop but the only way it can is if his darling is with him. He doesn't need anyone else... He doesn't want anyone else.

Let's hope Hyde's darling has a strong stomach because he doesn't give a damn who he has to hurt. He and Jekyll are nearly nothing alike but if they share on thing in common, it would be determination.

Edward Hyde has found his prey and he isn't going anywhere without it.

Tags: @3rdgymbros, @eclipsezero, @ghostiebabey, @yandere-of-your-dreams, @howl-of-the-hunting-lambs, @yandere-wishes, @severnrsstuff, @twstdreams, @twst-soul, @hattress-of-spades

I did my best guys, I hope this was okay! First time making a OC, sorry if it's too similar to the original characters. As I write more stories for them I'll try to build them up more! And feel free to ask any questions if you have them!

[sithsecrets]

A Matter of Expediency - Part XI

After being married off to Kylo Ren in the name of securing an heir to the First Order’s throne, a princess tries to navigate the ins and outs of married life. As she grows closer to her new husband, the princess also carves out a place for herself in the Order, assuming control over her life when she thought she would have none.

—

Part 11

4.5k words

Mentions: pregnancy, swearing, mild sexual content, discussions of past relationships, menstruation

—

“Are you sure this is safe?” you ask your husband, hesitantly settling in his lap as he starts up his TIE-fighter, flipping switches and pushing buttons.

“Oh yes,” Kylo assures you, absently pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I would never put your in danger.”

You’re still not convinced, unsure about two people galivanting through space in a one-man vessel, but Kylo’s arm is strong around your waist, his words comforting. And honestly, you’re too excited to really be bothered, thrumming with anticipation at the notion of zooming around the ship with your husband after hours.

Kylo is careful as he guides your ship out of the hangar, exiting the Supremacy with care. But as soon as the two of you are fully out in the inky expanse of space, he punches the accelerator, sending the little craft off at an exhilarating speed. You giggle as Kylo whips you around the ship, squealing when he makes sharp twists and turns with master precision. Hux had told you that your husband was an excellent pilot, but you had no idea what that really meant, accustomed to traveling on casual transport vessels. But Kylo is being anything but casual, telling you to hold on as he executes rolls and loops and other tricks that make your heart jump up in your throat.

Clutching onto your husband tightly, you’re absolutely delighted to realize that he’s enjoying himself too, grinning against the side of your face as he tells you to brace yourself before he does something complex. Stars, he even laughs, the sound of his joy coming from deep in his chest. He loves this, you realize, loves to fly. Your husband, a serious man, a man with little time to himself and so much to do, loves to go out and do the one thing that probably makes him feel truly and supremely free. And what’s better still, he’s decided to share this hobby of his with you.

By the time Kylo lands the TIE back in hangar two, you’re breathless and giddy, flushed with elation from all that’s just happened. As soon as Kylo pops the door open to give the both of you a bit more air, you’re on him in an instant, pressing kisses to his face as you laugh and laugh. He kisses you back, holding you and smiling into your mouth.

“Did you have fun?” Kylo asks, finally peeling you away from him.

“More fun than I’ve ever had in my life!” you exclaim, turning to fall back against his chest with a sigh. Wistfully, you add, “Oh, we should do that every night.”

Your husband settles his arms around your middle, nuzzling into your hair. “If the Empress commands it, then so it shall be.”

You smile at that but say nothing, content to stare out at the stars glittering in the distance before you. Kylo’s got his little craft positioned so that the two of you can gaze out the back of the hangar, safe inside the climate preservers and blastshields. The two of you hold one another for a long while, sitting in comfortable silence until Kylo finally speaks.

“Did you have any lovers before me?” he asks, settling you in his lap.

“I told you the night we wed that you were my first,” you reply, brows drawing together in confusion. You thought the whole thing had been rather unforgettable, but maybe that was because you were the one who wiped a bit of blood from between your legs when all was said and done.

“Well of course,” Kylo says quickly, sensing your disconcertment. “But did you have any other… beloveds? A boyfriend, or just someone who cared for you?”

You shake your head. “No. Mila was very good at turning others against me, and there are many beautiful girls my age in my husband’s court. Everyone passed over me, I think.”

Kylo kisses the top of your head upon hearing this, arms holding your tighter. He hesitates as he goes to speak though, almost as if he’s choosing his words carefully. “Even the women who attended to you?”

You balk at that, caught off-guard by the question. Memories flit through your mind like flashes of light, and for the first time in years, you think of Sabe’s hands, of the way her lips felt on your neck. The two of you had been so young then, barely Helda’s age when you first kissed each other in the dark. It was an innocent little tryst for the most part, two teenagers sneaking into each other’s beds to make out for a couple of hours while everyone else was asleep. There was only one time that something “serious” happened between the two of you, something that was a bit more than simple kissing. You had been so nervous when Sabe opened the front of your nightgown, self-conscious about your body back then. But her mouth was warm and soft and wet as she suckled at your breast, laving her tongue across your nipples in a way that made you sweat. She never touched you, never actually made you cum, but that was the first time you can remember really wanting to have sex with someone. No promises were made, you never courted one another, but you would be lying if you said there wasn’t a bit of puppy love at play all those years ago. Obviously, though, the little fling ended, fizzling out with the heat of the summer months. You thought Sabe had moved on forever and a day ago, but you’ve been rethinking the idea of that since her little post-engagement explosion.

“I see,” Kylo says softly, breaking you from your thoughts. Embarrassment washes over you then, staining your cheeks with crimson— he saw what you were thinking about.

“I don’t miss her,” you say at once, rushing to explain lest your husband mistake your reminiscing for longing or pining. “We were virtual children then, curious and bored and accessible to one other. I just don’t like how we ended our friendship is all. Sabe was very angry when I said I wanted to marry you, even after you offered me a chance to break things off. Myself and my other ladies ended up having a fight with her about it, and it was ugly. She was ugly.”

Kylo gives you a squeeze around the middle, comforting and companionable. “I’m sorry.”

You shrug, mildly upset and completely unaffected all at the same time. The little relationship you had with Sabe is all water under the bridge, old news from years ago that you look back on with fondness. But her cruel comments towards yourself and Lydia have not faded with time, and they still sour your image of her overall.

Tired of thinking about the matter, you shake your head to clear away of images of Sabe, of her mean eyes and her soft mouth. Reaching a hand back to toy with a lock of your husband’s hair, you decide it’s his turn in the hot seat.

“What about you?” you ask, inquiring about his past relationships. “I’m sure you had many beautiful lovers before me.”

Kylo plays it modest, simply saying, “I took women to my bed on occasion, yes, but they were never anyone special.”

You won’t let him get away that easily, though, pressing for details. “Who did you sleep with?”

Once again, your husband is casual, speaking the truth without boasting. “Women I met through diplomatic work, mostly. The parties and the dinners, you know how it is.”

In actuality, you don’t know how it is, but you nod companionably nonetheless. You’re an adult— you understand the basic premise of what he’s saying.

“You never had girlfriends, lovers you saw regularly?”

A shake of the head, and then, “None of them interested me. But I certainly didn’t string anyone along. I watch officers do that to people all the time, and it disgusts me to no end. My intentions were always clear from the outset.”

You admire and respect that sentiment, pleased to hear that your husband never went through a womanizing phase like so many men of station do. And not because he wasn’t desired, either, for you’re sure the women (and men) flung themselves at Kylo back in the day the same way they do now.

Your final question is perhaps your most invasive, but you think Kylo won’t be offended if you ask it. “What was your first time like?”

“When I was twenty-two, Supreme Leader Snoke sent me to negotiate a treaty on Valdera,” Kylo begins. “As you know, the President of Valdera and his Parliament like to partake in quite a bit of… merrymaking when they receive guests. They threw me a feast, and many important officials were there. Nearly all of them were drunk before we even began eating, but I didn’t feel comfortable becoming inebriated amongst strangers.”

You nod, pressing a kiss to your husband’s knuckles to show that you’re listening.

“Anyway, as I was having dinner and trying to ignore all of the foolishness going on around me, I felt as though I was being watched. When I looked down the table, I saw that it was a woman who was staring at me. She was seated in a dignitary’s lap, and I thought at first that she was his wife. But then I noticed that other women had come to the table as well, and I understood at once that she was some sort of concubine. Or a prostitute, maybe. In any case, she was very beautiful, and I could see everything she was picturing in her head as she looked me over.”

“She was fantasizing about you,” you say, and not without a bit of jealously. This woman is long gone, a relic of Kylo’s past, but you still can’t help yourself from being a bit miffed.

Your husband must sense the change in your mood, because he draws you closer to his chest, laughing lightly. “Yes, you possessive little thing, she was.”

Though you’re not ready to be done sulking just yet, you crack a smile nonetheless, unable to stay mad when Kylo’s teasing you and nuzzling his nose against your ear.

“Naturally,” Kylo continues, “I was a bit taken aback, but I didn’t say anything there at the table. A few hours later, I retired to my rooms for the night, and she came knocking not long after. I was unsure of myself, but I let her in anyway. She said she was there to spend the night with me, a gift from the President himself. I told her at once that she wasn’t obligated, that she didn’t have to stay if she wasn’t truly willing, but she was insistent, putting her hands all over me as she told me that she was tired of fucking old men. I warned her that I wouldn’t be much of a partner, given my inexperience, but she said that was no matter.

“She taught me much that night. All of the ways a man can fuck a woman, what to do with my hands and my mouth… She probably enjoyed the sex more than I did that first night, but I tried my best to please her.”

“I’m sure you did just fine,” you tell your husband, unable to fathom him being a bad fuck. “Did you see her again after that?”

“Yes, but only for the remainder of my stay.”

You pause, hesitant to hear the answer to this next question. “… Did you care for her? Or any of the others?”

Kylo says nothing for a moment, rearranging in his lap so that you two may look at one another a bit better. His face is set, expression serious as he cradles your cheek delicately in his palm. “I always treated my partners with respect, but none of them ever meant anything to me, not really.”

For just a moment there, in the chill of the hangar, you feel safe enough to lay bare one of the soft spots on your heart. “Do I mean something to you?” you whisper, too afraid to ask any louder than that.

“You are my wife,” Kylo replies, caressing your skin. You kiss your husband then, heart bursting at this quiet, almost unspoken admission of his love for you.

The two of you retire to bed not long after that, walking hand in hand back to your quarters. Kylo lets you hold him so tightly that night, falling asleep with his face pressed against your chest. You breathe in the scent of his hair as you nod off, warm and content.

---

Palgodu is just entering its winter months, the air nipping at your exposed face and ears as you walk up the steps of the royal castle. Snow hasn’t fallen yet, thankfully, but you step lightly anyway, not wanting to graze over an icy patch and go tumbling. Kylo is by your side, of course, shrouded in a black as per usual. He keeps you close, probably trying to warm you up himself even though you’re draped in furs and thick fabrics. The two of your take in the great castle before you together, noting the fine stonework and carpentry. It’s a sturdy building, built no doubt to keep warmth in and invaders out. Guards are lined up all along the front of the place, armed to the teeth. They may be there for you and Kylo’s benefit, a welcoming party of sorts, but you doubt it. If your planet just ended a civil war, you’d keep yourself covered on all sides as well.

King Eli awaits you and Kylo as soon as you enter the castle, grinning broadly as he welcomes the both of you to his home. The first thing you notice about the King is his size, for he is tall and wide, made exclusively of thick slabs of muscle. He would be imposing with his full beard and beastly hands, you think, if his demeanor were not so warm.

You and Kylo amble through a corridor just off the castle’s entrance hall, following in the King’s wake. You pass many tapestries along the way, precious pieces of handiwork that seem to depict the history of Palgodu. They turn your head, these works of art, and you find yourself studying them intently until you’re shown into a small receiving room at the end of the hall.

The first thing you feel when you lay eyes on the Queen Eleanor is envy. Before she even so much as speaks, you’re plagued with it, the jealousy you feel so white-hot in your veins that you’re afraid your skin will glow from the heat. She is heavy with child, the Queen, her stomach round and swollen underneath the skirt of her gown. To make matters worse, the bundle of blankets that she clutches to her chest is squirming, confirming that she already has a little one out here in the world as well. And then a young girl dashes out from the corner of the room, giggling as she evades being picked up by her nurse, and you feel as though you might actually burst into tears.

It’s idiotic, you know, to be jealous of a woman simply because she has children, but you can’t help the way your mind rages at the sight of Queen Eleanor and all the bounty of her womb. She has so much of what you want, so much of what you’re worried you’ll never be able to have. Still, it’s impossible to hate her for long— the Queen, like her husband, is just far too kind.

She welcomes you with open arms, beaming as she declares that she feels as if the both of you already know each other. And you sort of do, you suppose, given how much you’ve communicated these past few weeks. Like you, Queen Eleanor handles her regime’s charitable efforts, and you’ve spoken at length over comm about donations and food and a myriad of other subjects. She’s practical and a bit headstrong, passionate about protecting those who rely on her and her husband for help.

“I apologize for not meeting you right when you arrived,” Eleanor says to you. “The baby needed to eat, and Maudie is always so restless when she’s forced to stand still.”

Finally, you snap out of you sad little trance, remembering where you are and what you’re doing. “Oh please, don’t be sorry,” you reply, waving her off with a gesture and a sweet little laugh.

Though your feeling of envy pass quickly, the sudden burst of intense emotion does leave you feeling disoriented. The rest of the afternoon is mostly a blur, and you barely feel like you’re there as you and Kylo dress for dinner. You must put up a good front though, because neither Miriam nor Kylo says anything as about your demeanor as they interact with you.

Dinner consists of a large feast, and you’re grateful for the crowd around the table. There’s much talking and laughing, and you’re able to shrink back into the noise, more content with observing rather than participating tonight. You do feel a bit better though, fortified by your warm meal and a few sips of wine. And of course, Queen Eleanor continues to be a lovely friend, trying to rope you into conversations regarding the upcoming charity gala that the two of you have worked so hard on.

Just as you’re digging into your dessert, however, you feel it, that round, aching pain that most women know all too well. Your good mood evaporates immediately, overtaken by an empty sort of melancholy that’s even more painful than the cramping in your abdomen. Keenly aware of your audience (and the fact that you’re wearing black), you try desperately not to let your emotions show on your face. And stars does that take all you have, the task made even more arduous by the fact that your husband sits beside you. You don’t want him to perceive the shift in your mood, so you must guard your thoughts more closely than ever before.

Mercifully, your mask never slips, your defenses do not fail, and you’re able to excuse yourself from the table with ease. In a surprising turn of events, Kylo actually accepts King Eli’s invitation to play cards, and watching your husband walk away from you is perhaps the biggest relief of all in this moment.

The walk back to your chambers is relatively short, but your limbs are so heavy as you make the journey. Miriam is there waiting for you, but you have no heart to perform for her, stumbling into the ‘fresher with little more than a weary ‘hello’. When you check , your underwear are stained, just as you suspected. And though you already knew what happened the moment you felt your stomach cramp up at the table, this confirmation of your worst fear makes you breakdown completely.

Cleaning yourself up sloppily, you leave the ‘fresher with tears in your eyes, startled to find Miriam there in the doorway when you try to go back to the bedroom. She’s poised to get you whatever you may need, mouth already forming the words, “What can I do for you?” when the two of you lock eyes. You don’t know why you do it, but you collapse into Miriam’s arms right there, offering no explanation for your actions as you dissolve into sobs.

“What’s the matter?” you attendant asks quickly, supporting your weight as you sag against her. Miriam’s hands are on your back, in your hair, rubbing and petting and trying in vain to soothe you.

You draw back from Miriam’s chest, hiccupping pathetically. “I started my period,” you tell her, and the fact that you sound like a distraught twelve-year-old girl is not lost on you in the moment.

Miriam looks confused for a moment, asking, “Did you—?” But then her face dissolves into a look of sympathetic understanding, and she puts her arms around you again. “Oh. Oh, my lady.”

You beg for a bath, unable to do anything else as your attendant holds you close. Miriam does as you ask, letting the hot water run as she unlaces your gown and lets down your hair. Trying to be useful, you take off your jewelry on your own, but even this small task feels insurmountable in the midst of your breakdown.

The heat of your bathwater feels like a warm hug against your skin, but not even this serves to soothe your aching heart. Drawing your knees up to your chest, you curl in on yourself, choking on your own tears and sniffles. Miriam allows you to have a moment, sitting patiently by the bathtub as you settle yourself. Finally, she speaks.

“What’s the matter?” she asks softly, reaching out to stroke your hair again. You don’t brush her off, though your tone is less than charitable.

“I already told you,” you reply curtly, hugging your legs closer.

Miriam maintains her composure, speaking gently. “I know. But I have a feeling that this is about something more than a bit of blood in your underwear, Empress.”

Swallowing thickly, you contemplate whether or not you want to get into all of this right now. But Miriam is your only resource, really, the only older woman in your life that may be able to offer you a bit of advice.

“I just want to be pregnant,” you finally croak, voice raw from crying for so long. Miriam sighs at that, nodding solemnly.

“I know, my lady,” she says companionably, still carding her fingers through your hair. “Has the Supreme Leader said something to you? Gotten angry or expressed his dissatisfaction?”

“No,” you say quickly, moving to sit up now. Your head pounds, clogged with congestion from all your crying. “It’s… it’s the Queen.”

Miriam starts at that, eyes ablaze, her tone indignant. “Queen Eleanor said something to you?”

You can’t help but laugh then, touched by your attendant’s defense of you. “No,” you say, any joy you experienced just now dissipating. “She’s a lovely person, it’s just… It’s just her children. She has so many, and I—”

“And you have none,” Miriam cuts softly, finishing your sentence for you. You nod, chewing on your bottom lip to keep from crying again.

“I just don’t understand it,” you declare, utterly bewildered. Miriam lathers up a rag, washing your body as she listens to you talk. “Kylo and I have sex nearly every night it feels like. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!”

“It’s not about what you’re doing,” Miriam soothes, rinsing you with her hands. “Sometimes these things just take time, that’s all.”

You throw a look Miriam’s way, eyebrows raised. “It only takes once.”

Miriam laughs a bit at that, nodding. “Yes,” she concedes, “technically once is enough. But that’s not the case for everyone.”

That makes you sigh, mostly because you know she’s right. Still, you can’t help but feel betrayed by your body, by your womb.

“Have I ever told you about the first woman I ever served?” Miriam asks, redirecting your attention away from your thoughts.

“No.”

“She was a senator’s wife,” your attendant begins, pouring shampoo into her hand now, “and she was desperate to get pregnant from the moment she got married. Like you, though, it didn’t happen for her right away, and she became rather upset. She began doing anything she could to conceive after a few months, drinking these disgusting teas, standing on her head after she and her husband had sex— just all sorts of nonsense. But after a year, she still had no child. Doctors assured her that she wasn’t barren, but of course she thought otherwise.

“After a lot of crying and wasting away in her bed, my mistress decided to just put the whole thing out of her mind. It destroyed her to do so, but she decided that perhaps she wasn’t supposed to be a mother. But do you know what happened after she quit fixating on the idea of getting pregnant?”

“She got pregnant,” you answer, already seeing where Miriam’s going with this story. She nods, confirming that you’re correct.

“That’s right. She went on to have another three children after she had that first baby, and they were all healthy and beautiful.” Miriam hooks her fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at her. “The same way yours will be. But you must relax, Empress. If you fester in this desire to bear a child, the stress will prevent you from getting the very thing you want so badly.”

You want to argue, to say that you aren’t working yourself up into a frenzy about having a baby, but that’s simply not the truth. You think of conceiving each and every time you and Kylo make love, you pray and yearn and hope as you as you wash him off your body. You even dream of it sometimes, giving birth, and not all of the things you see in your head are pleasant.

“Just enjoy being with your husband,” Miriam advises, almost as if she can read your mind. “If you relax and allow yourself to let go when the two of you make love, a baby will come quickly. I promise.”

You desperately want to believe you attendant, but your own anxiety forces you to remain unconvinced. Still, you’re grateful for the reassurance, figuring that everything will be brighter in the morning.

Kylo comes back from his card game not an hour after you get out of the tub, kissing you soundly as he grumbles about drunken aristocrat and a particularly poor hand that came his way during the event. You almost tell him about your little episode but ultimately refrain from doing so, figuring that it’s not worth the trouble. Still, your husband is intuitive as ever, asking you if everything’s all right as the two of you retire to bed.

“I’m just tired, that’s all,” you tell him, more than happy to snuggle down under his arm.

Kylo doesn’t press the matter, though you’re not sure he believes you. But he holds you close anyway, shielding you from the chill of the room.

That night, you dream that you’re running all through the Supremacy, chasing after a small child that giggles and squeals as they continuously evade your grasp. It’s frustrating, for they always seem to be just ahead of you, just around the corner or already running down the next hall over.

Just as you get close enough to grab the back of the child’s shirt, you wake up.

[sherrybaby14]

A New Pet

Summary: John Wick picks out his new pet.  

Warnings:  SMUT!  Plot?What Plot? PORN, Dom/Sub, I’m gonna go ahead and label this as NONCON, but it’s more like dub-con IMO (PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS OFFENDS YOU)

Pairings:  John Wick x Female Reader

A/N:  This is not canon-compliant….let’s say it’s a few days after the first movie, ignoring the second and third.

The animals were asleep. That made cleaning the empty cages easier since at least you didn’t have to hear the barking, the poor dogs begging to be played with.  It broke your heart and you wished you could take them home with you every time your shift ended.  

You worked in silence, scrubbing the metal when the sound of the door opening startled you.   A quick glance at the clock told you it was way too early for another worker to show up, and you weren’t open for the public to look at the adoptable animals for another few hours.  

Maybe you’d forgotten to lock the door.  You pulled off your gloves as you walked around to shoo whoever arrived away.  

“Sorry, we’re closed for another few hours.”  You stopped walking when you saw what was in front of you.  

A man.  What a man he was, with his dark hair hanging over his face.   You gulped as you took him in, he was dressed in an all black suit.  Not the normal attire people wore at six in the morning, or at an animal shelter in general.  

“I’m here for a new pet.”  He ignored your previous comment.

“Ummm…”  You looked down at your yoga pants and t-shirt, wondering if some gala had gotten out.  “You can come back around ten.  That’s when we open, someone can help you with the adoption process.”  

“Why can’t you help me now?” He rolled his shoulder’s back, making you feel almost tiny.

You realized you were staring and dropped your gaze to the floor.

“Uhh, I’m just here in the morning.  I clean the cages.  I don’t know anything about the paperwork.”  You scratched the back of your head.  

“That doesn’t sound like a fun job.”  You heard him step closer.

“It’s not a job. It’s community service.”  Why were you explaining yourself to this stranger?  

“Oh.” He moved close enough you saw his feet on the ground. “Were you a bad girl?”  

“What?” Your head snapped up.

Intense dark brown eyes stared right into yours.

“Community service?”  His jaw clenched. “Were you a bad girl?”  

“I…uhh.”  You swallowed and struggled to think of a response.  

“It’s a simple question Y/N.”  He moved even closer. “Were. You. A. Bad. Girl?”

Your heart fluttered at the use of your name.  Suddenly the sexiness of the man was replaced with terror.  You darted to the side, hoping to get to the door.  But his hand reached out and grabbed your arm.  He flipped you around so your back was against his chest.  He leaned his mouth next to your ear.  

“Because I’ve been known to correct bad behavior.” His words sent a chill through your spine. “Do you need some obedience training?”

“No. It was trespassing I didn’t know it was private property!”  You were doing this gig to make sure nothing went on your record, how did he even know about that?  “Who are you? How do you know my name?”

“You’re wearing a name tag.”  He relaxed his grip on your arm. “And you can call me Sir.”

You felt relief as you looked down and saw the name tag.  He ran his hands up your arms and you found your heart fluttering.  

“I wasn’t lying.”  He ran his hands up your arms.  “I stopped by a few days ago to look for a pet and I saw the perfect one.”  

His head moved to your hair and he inhaled deeply. You tried to lunge forward, fear and confusion running through your veins as you tried to comprehend his words, but his hands squeezed down and pulled you back before you made it a step away.  

“I anticipated some obedience training would be necessary.”  One of his hands covered your face, muffling your scream.  “But don’t worry.  I’ll give you the care and attention you need.  Now if you scream, I will knock you out and I don’t think either of us want that, do we?”  

You nodded your head, your brain still struggling to keep up with what was happening.  What was he talking about?  

“I could tell the second I saw you how submissive you are.”  He moved his hand from your mouth and placed a palm on each of your shoulders.  “The way you won’t make eye contact, how you try so hard to behave.  You want to be a good girl, don’t you?”  

“I…”. You didn’t know what to say.  “No.  I’m not like that.”  

“Of course you are.”  One of his hand snaked down your stomach. “And I can prove it to you.”  

You gasped as his hand pushed under the waist of your pants with ease.  Your mouth hung open as he cupped your pussy and ran two fingers over your slit.  You should have pushed him off, moved away, struggled.  But instead you froze.  

His hand appeared in front of your face and he showed you his glistening fingers.  

“What a good pet you will be.  See how wet you are from just a short conversation?”  He ran his fingers over your lips and you parted them, tasting yourself on this strangers digits.  

You blinked with shock, the short exchange kept you on your toes you hadn’t even noticed the tingling in your pussy.  

“That’s a good girl.”  He pressed down on your tongue and you realized you were sucking. Then the tingling between your legs grew more intense.  “And good girl get rewards.”  

His other hand slid down the back of your pants.  He grabbed your ass, but continued his descent until he got to your cunt.  You moaned around his hand as a finger slid inside you with ease.   Your body fell forward and you put your hands out on the counter.  

Your head started to spin as he slowly pumped his finger.  How the hell was this happening?  This was wrong he was a stranger. It didn’t matter that he was walking sex.  You tried to spit his finger out and step away.                          

“Don’t go back to misbehaving.”  He removed both fingers and his hands went to your pants, pulling them down with your panties.  

“Wait.  Stop.”  You spoke the words, but kept your hands and feet in place, your mind struggling to fight your arousal.  “You’re a stranger.  I don’t even know your name.”  

“You want to know my name.”  His hand tapped your knee and you lifted your leg as he pulled off your shoe and slid the pants off, repeating the process with your other leg. “Well you’ll have to earn it.  Do you think you can do that?”  

He grabbed your shoulder and spun you around.  His eyes bore into yours and he screamed power as he grabbed your t-shirt and pulled it over your head.  You didn’t try to stop him while your brain screamed how wrong this was and your pussy grew even damper.  

Your bra was unhooked and you let it fall to the floor, realizing you were staring at him you dropped your gaze on instinct.  

“No.” His order was short and to the point so you snapped your chin back up.  

There was a wave of approval in his dark brown orbs and you felt your body and mind agree on the satisfaction that brought you.  

“That’s my girl.”  His eyes went to your chest and he licked his lips.  The action made you squeak with anticipation.  “Very eager.”  

His hands went around your thighs and he lifted you up like you weighed nothing, you brought your hands to the back of his neck as he set you on the counter.  Your mind went wild with what he looked like under the suit and you tugged at the jacket.  

“No.” He grabbed one of your wrists and moved your arm to the counter. “Another thing you have to earn.  Do you want that?  To behave and get more rewards?”  

Shame ran through you over how this stranger was making you feel, but you nodded your head lightly.  

“There’s nothing wrong with embracing who you are.” His hands went to his pants and he unzipped them.  “One of the many things I am going to teach you.”  

“Why me?”  You still didn’t quite understand the sexy stranger’s actions or why you weren’t fighting and screaming for help.  

“I already told you.”  His hand reached into his fly and he pulled out a massive cock, easily the largest you had ever seen.  “You’re my new pet.”  

That didn’t give you any answers, but you were more amazed by his dick and what it was going to feel like inside of you.  No longer caring about the internal struggle.    

“Don’t cum until I tell you, or else you will be in trouble?”  He lined up at your entrance.  “Do you understand?”

You nodded your head, not being able to take your eyes off of him, your legs shaking with desire.  He pushed in and you gasped, shocked that he fit as you gripped the counter.   The image of him sliding inside of you was one of the most erotic things you had even seen in your life.  

Moans and whimpers left your lips as he continued filling you.  

“You have a beautiful pussy.”  He moved his hands to the top of your thighs and squeezed his fingers down.  

“Fuck.” You gasped when the shaft of his cock disappeared.  Having taken his entire cock in one stroke.  

You whined when he began pulling out, wanting the friction but the fullness at the same time.  He didn’t get very far before he slammed back in.  You arched your back and cried out.  

He kept the movement, short deep thrusts, but increased the rhythm moving faster each time.  Your toes started to curl as the muscles in your body tightened.  The need was gathering like a sponge.  

“Remember, not until I say.”  He grunted as he went even faster.

“Please!”  Your head swam. “I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”  He did not slow his assault on your pussy.  “You can fight it.”

“But I don’t want to.”  Your orgasm was cresting and you wanted nothing more than to flow with the wave.

“NO.”  His sharp order made you open your eyes, you hadn’t realized you’d shut.  He was staring right at you, his look enough to give the command.

You cried out and bit your lip, uncurling your toes and trying to relax, but all that did was keep you hovering on the edge.  The desperation of the orgasm started to claw at you and you fought to keep it back, his strokes turning tortuous as you denied your body what it craved.  

Then his look turned to approval again.  And your heart grew warm.  Tears started pouring out of your eyes as you kept your body on edge for him, waiting for his permission.  

“You’re doing so good.”  He moaned.  “Do you think you deserve to cum?”  

“Yes!” You cried. “Please?  Please I’ll do whatever you want!  I’ll be good for you.  I’ll behave.  Just please.”  

Each word made the dam you’d built in your body threaten to break.  Your lungs started to burn and you worried you’d forgotten how to breathe.    

“Alright.”  He went even faster.  “Let go.”  

It was instant.  Pleasure and warmth and stars and moons flooded your entire body.  You were certain you were screaming, but you couldn’t hear anything.  You saw his beautiful face, but it was blackened with dots.  You could feel his cock exploding inside of you, but each squirt of his cum made you numb.  You knew you had a tongue, but there was no taste in the air.  You were completely undone, the only thing that let you knew you were alive was the pure ecstasy.

When your vision stopped swirling with the rest of your senses you realized the barking and howling coming from the dogs in the back.  The man had already tucked himself away.  This was the strangest and greatest morning of your life.  

“Come on.”  He handed you your shirt.  

You looked up at him with confusion.  

“I’m taking my new pet home with me.”  His lips almost curved into a smile.  

You noticed it wasn’t a question, but even if it had been you were certain what the answer would have been.  

[emmyrosee]

Hopping.

On The Run I

Hey guess what.

It’s done! I’m so excited!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified. This definitely isn’t how I thought this would go, but I don’t despise it??? I don’t know. Anyways.

WARNINGS: heavy plot, heavy dialogue, language. No smut in this chapter (don’t worry it’s coming😘)

Gordan Merkel x Fugitive!Reader; after a series of unfortunate events lands you in East Berlin, you fear everyone and everything in your path. And it crosses paths with a stranger who takes a risk on you.

———-

“Do you remember how you got here?”

The question snapped you out of your confused daze, and you stared at the man before you. His piercing green eyes bore into you like you were nothing more than a piece of wood, waiting to be carved.

It was a good question, to be fair. But which ‘here’ was this man referring to?

The ‘you,’ running in Milan?

The ‘you,’ hiding in the deepest, dankest corners of Paris?

Or the ‘you,’ committing the most heinous act that you knew possible all those years ago.

No one would blame you for jumping at the most random of sirens. The warrant for your arrest was out there, and the reward was obscene.

Hell, if you knew you would be given some form of immunity, it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

But this was your life on the line now. The police from home, various government officials, even the people who had once housed you had turned against you at the ridiculous amount of money being offered. And no stones could be left; whether they were criminal or not, their crimes would be lessened if they turned you in, dead or alive.

They weren’t very picky.

The chilled streets of Berlin’s alleys only seemed to make your stress levels grow, heart beating faster and faster as you tried to shield yourself from everyone you passed.

Night after night you wandered, opting it safer than the day. In the day, no one was willing to listen to your story, see another side of you. All they saw was money, and they wanted it.

At night however, stories howled like the wind. People of their own sins had more important things to focus on than you, and you accept and adore that lack of attention.

You’re not sure what tripped you off. A distant siren, maybe? Or maybe just one too many money-hungry eyes?

Whatever it was, you felt the need to run.

Well. Run further that is.

You dug your hands deeper into your pockets and slowly crept faster, walking speed feeling more of a jog.

Then faster.

The feeling grew and your holed, disgusting sneakers squeaking against the pavement.

You felt like you were doing this for your whole life. The same routine over and over and over and over again.

Your legs kick higher and higher as you dash, scrambling around as your weakened body struggles to keep up.

Until a massive force stops you, gripping your arms tightly to steady you.

“Woah, woah, woah,” a voice says, struggling against your fighting form. You shove harder at the chest that’s trying to hold you, unsuccessful with every jerk of your much smaller frame. His large hands grab your shoulders and force you into the brick wall you were closest to. But the fire of fear was still roaring, and whether you wanted to or not, you couldn’t stop.

All you could do was bite, kick and scream, praying someone would hear.

“Relax!” He commanded, giving you one last, hard shove. The bricks bit into your skin, the small pebbles of the flaking wall crumbling in your struggle.

“Please,” You whimper in fear. “Please let me go, I-I-I don’t-“

“Shush,” he demands. You close your lips, though you’re unable to stop your shaking lips from allowing whimpers past. Your eyes creak open to look at the deep voiced, large German man who’s grip wasn’t about to falter.

Despite his demanding, deep voice, his eyes showed no malice or anger; in fact, nothing but sympathy was pooled in his forest green irises. His jaw was tight with authority, and he seemingly waited for you to look at him before continuing to speak.

Shit, you think to yourself, not like this. Shit shit shit-

“We need to get you out of the open,” he says sternly, yet softly. “Come on-“

“N-no!” You protest. “No!”

The man pulls back slightly at your apparent fear, and licks his lips in thought.

“I’m not going to leave you out here,” he explains. “God knows the last time you ate or bathed or-“

You tremble weakly in his grip, and almost on cue, your stomach growls loudly. He tilts his head, “you haven’t eaten recently, have you?”

Against your better judgement, you gently shake your head and avoid his laser sharp gaze. He nods, “so I thought.”

“I’ll be fine,” you spit, shrugging him off of your arms. He finally drops his arms as you spin on your heel, crossing your arms tightly over your chest and walk hurriedly away.

“You don’t have to go with me if you don’t want to,” he calls after you, making you stop. “But I sincerely want to help. Please? Just allow me to feed you, then I’ll sneak you over any boarder you’d like.”

“No,” you say quietly, so softly you’re not sure he can hear you. “I’ve made it this far, I can make it further on my own.”

“Don’t think I don’t know who you are,” he says. “You’re that fugitive, aren’t you?” He asks though his voice is sure, making you screw your eyes shut tight. “The one who’s been on the lamb for, what, three years?” His footsteps are loud as they pound on the pavement behind you. “That little pile of mad money that the government has raised is enough to make anyone an enemy, no?”

You say nothing.

“Lucky for you, I have no reason for the money. In fact, I’d set the money on fire and join you on the run as well before I give into any shit that the government spills to its sheep.

“Just let me take you someplace; a safe place that I know. And then wherever you want to go, I will take you. But just take the help I’m willing to give because God knows how long someone is going to show you this extent of mercy.”

You want to scream at him, ask him how he dares speak to you like that. You want to smack him one, tell him that he has no fucking idea who he’s talking to, and that you’ve survived without the help of anyone for those three years.

But you can’t.

Because everything he said is true. That, and you’re so weak- especially from trying to fight him off- that you literally aren’t sure if you raise your hand high enough to smack him.

“I’m heading to Sweden,” you say softly. “You feed me, you get my name, and you take me to the Swedish border. I go from there. Deal?”

“Deal,” he says with a gentle smile.

���—————-

“Do you remember how you got here?” The man asks quietly.

Your fingers clutch at the warm, thick blanket that’s draped over your shoulders. In front of you sits a small plate of cookies and a cup of tea, which of you’ve cleared three of. Each time you clear the plate or drain the cup, the man chuckles and merely refills it.

“Any recollection of how you ended up in East Berlin?” He asks, shifting to lean forwards on his knee.

You avoid his gaze some more, eyes casting away to the plate of cookies as you eye them.

“Go on,” he nods. “Have more. Please. I insist.” He smiles encouragingly, and slowly you reach forwards to take another one.

“I don’t know,” you whisper at your cookie childishly, playing the edge against your chapped lips. “I just.... turned a corner and ended up in Berlin.”

“You and I both know that that’s not the type of ‘how’ I meant,” he teases. “I mean I know your records and I know your crimes, but how did you get here?”

Your heart sinks further into your stomach as you finally look up at the man. His face was soft despite his sharp features, the dim lights of... whatever building you were in (a printing house? Some form of passport office? You couldn’t put your finger on it.) casting shadows on him to make him look statuesque.

And you wanted to trust him.

Desperately.

His reassuring kindness and your endless bounty of cookies and tea brought you a new wave of hope, that someone out there just might want to help you with nothing else in mind.

If he wanted the money, why didn’t he just turn you in?

“Where were you before?” He asks.

“Crossed over from Poland. Settled in Cottbus before the game began again.”

He cocks a brow, “game?”

You grin, “of cat and mouse, of course.”

The man chuckles at your joke, smile bright against the dingy air around you.

“More like fox and rabbit, since you’ve been hopping around like a little bunny, no?”

And you laughed.

You actually laughed.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

It was the first time in three fucking years you’d been able to do so much as chuckle, let alone laugh.

The silence, for once, is comforting to you, and you grasp the blanket higher on your shoulders.

“The sun is rising,” he says softly, bring you back to him. Your eyes traveled upward to the windows of his building, and through the dark grey clouds, you could in fact see the brightness of heavens joy that brought you nothing but fear.

“Oh fuck,” you whisper in worry. “I can’t go out there! Not now. Can I just... stay here?”

The man sighs, “sadly, no. But, I can help you further, if you so desire.”

“How so?”

“Stay in Berlin,” he says, grinning as you tense up. “I’ll figure a plan to get you safely to the Swedish border, exactly as you asked. Then,” he crosses one leg over the other, “home.”

Home.

You missed home.

You missed home. A lot.

You’d rather die than not go home, but after three years you wondered if you could even attempt. And to think this man could?

Hm.

But he hasn’t let you down yet.

“That amount of money is going to keep rising, sir,” you insist.

He grins, “my trust for the government cannot be bought, Miss.” He stands up and slowly creeps towards the door, “if you want to come with me and be served with the utmost protection, we must leave now.”

Your ears perk up and your heart pounds. “I don’t even know your name,” you say, a certain sadness in your voice.

He grins.

“Merkel. Gordan Merkel. Trust me. You’re not my first,” he says, pushing the door open. “I’ll come with the car around.”

He winks.

“It’s time to relax on the hopping, little bunny. You’re safe now. I promise.”

Tagging💕

@peachesandfern

@anxiousamandapanda

@hecohansen31

@blakewaterxx

@w0nder-marie

@babyboy-cody

@kathryn-jane

@kaigitana

@ohhoneyaaaaaaa

[divine17]

↳ SHE’S THUNDERSTORMS | MASTERLIST

Fandom: Stranger Things

Request: —

Warnings: SMUT, fem!reader, gentle!dom!steve x sub!reader, daddy/baby girl kink, mutual masturbation/phone sex, established romantic relationship, slight orgasm denial (?), praise kink, that probably covers it

Word Count: 3.0k

A/N: i had an idea™ ...

oh, also! written with st2!steve in mind. but you could definitely change that up if you want to!! (& not my gif!! found on tenor, posted by captainromanoff.)

Steve Harrington hated being alone.

Since he’d started dating you back in sophomore year, he could comfortably say that he didn’t find himself alone very often. The two of you were almost always together, whether it was at school or work or one of you sleeping over at the other’s house. Most people would find that annoying, probably, but him? He loved it. He savored spending every waking moment with you.

Steve loved nothing more than when he would stir awake in the middle of the night to find your arm thrown over his bare stomach and your legs all tangled together. Your warm cheek pressed against his chest, the top of your head brushing against his jawline. The feeling of you taking a deep breath in and your grasp on him growing just a little bit tighter as he adjusted himself so he could fall back asleep. That was his favorite thing, the best thing he’d ever had the simple pleasure of experiencing.

So, naturally, he found it strangely difficult to sleep now that he was completely and utterly alone.

Exactly eleven days ago, Steve’s parents had hurriedly dragged him away from you and the tiny town of Hawkins. They packed a suitcase or two and caught a plane up to New York City, a bustling city completely unlike his hometown in every single way possible. All under the guise of visiting some dumb relatives that he didn’t even know... He barely had time to tell you goodbye, but that’s alright, because he’s called you up at 10 o’clock sharp every single night since he’d left. Long, sweet conversations until one of you got too tired to continue, going well into the early morning hours before someone hung up.

It was eleven nights that the boy had been without you. The first night wasn’t that bad. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep after such a busy day, he barely had time to think about your absence. On the second night, it began to set in; and by the fourth, he was beginning to crumble from the inside out. The seventh day that marked one week without you was the toughest. He was lonely, he needed you now more than ever. Innocently. But on the ninth, he began to feel a bit better.

Well, not exactly. But close enough. His mind slowly started to wander away from him, falling into... More promiscuous territory. The pure need had turned into a much more lustful want; the sound of your sultry little moans began to completely flood his brain, the images of your body. Your breasts bouncing as you rode him a couple nights before he left, the picture of your lips wrapped around his cock, your bright (Y/E/C) eyes staring up at him. The sweet, satisfying release that he so desperately craved. He couldn’t even count on both hands how many times he’d jacked off, trying to rid himself of what seemed like a constant hard-on, purely from the thoughts.

And by the eleventh night... To put it kindly, Steve was about to lose his fucking mind. He couldn’t shake those thoughts. They clouded his consciousness, all he could even think of. And now, his cock was achingly, painfully hard, strained against his grey sweatpants. You would’ve loved the sight of it, he was sure.

He rolled over in bed, taking his head between his palms after looking at the clock. 9:57. A couple little swears fell from his lips near-silently as he sighed. He couldn’t do this again. There was only so much his hand could do with just the memories... God, he had to get back home to you. As soon as possible. He missed you, all of you. Everything about you, he needed it. And with that, he got an an idea.

Steve sat up in bed, swinging his legs off of the mattress and onto the floor. His thin socks hit the cool tile as he stood up, slowly walking over to the large window that overlooked this part of the city. He watched for a moment, studying the yellow cabs and green lights below. The people constantly moving, in their striking neon colors and shapes. He could almost hear the chatter of them below, it seemed.

Next, he headed back to the bed, sitting down on the edge before picking up the phone. A small, black rotary, it wasn’t perfect, but he was grateful to have it. He leaned back and quickly dialed your number, and on the third ring, you picked up.

God, it was such an immediate relief to hear your voice as you answered.

“Stevie?” You asked. You weren’t really sure why you did... Who else would be calling, and at this time? He mumbled a small ‘yeah’ in response, causing a light smile to wash over your face.

After a few minutes of regular conversation, he found a sudden little bit of courage to bite the bullet and ask.

“Can we try something new tonight?” He asked. His voice was suddenly growing lustful and needier as he spoke, almost like a whine. “Everyone’s asleep, right?”

“Yeah, what is it? Why?”

“I need you to lock your door. Turn your lamp off.” The boy said. He felt like he grew more and more dominant by the second as he talked to you, but in a soft sort of way. You put the phone down, tiptoeing to your bedroom door, flicking the lock shut and switching the table lamp off. “Next, I want you to lay down on your back. Get comfortable for me, alright baby girl? I think we’re gonna be here for a while.”

You hummed in response as you laid down on your back, an arm draped across your stomach while the other held the phone to your ear, awaiting further instruction from your boyfriend.

“Take off your clothes.”

You couldn’t help but smirk a little at that one, a bit thankful that he couldn’t see you. But once again, you agreed, beginning to strip off your tanktop, tossing it into the floor. Next was your shorts, and then your panties. After that, you settled back into his desired position for you.

“I’m going to talk you through this, listen carefully...” Steve grew helplessly nervous as he began to think out his next few words, yet still remained confident. “I want you to run a finger over your pretty, pink lips. Part them, let it fall between them.”

He had to stop himself from moaning when he heard the wet sounds of you following his commands. So submissive, so obedient. Just how he liked it during times like this. It wasn’t often these days that he’d take the rather dominant role, but when he did... He was always soft, much more gentle than he had been back in, say, the King Steve days. And he was always weirdly good at it, at playing the dom. He knew just the right buttons to push and levers to pull to drive you absolutely insane, and you loved every second of it.

“Feel how hot your mouth is.... God, I love your mouth, baby. Don’t you? It’s so perfect, so warm and inviting. Suck on your finger. Feel how warm, how soft... That’s what it feels like when it’s wrapped around my cock. Like heaven.”

“Yes, Daddy.” You replied, gliding your finger over your tongue, savoring the warmth. Steve let out a light groan at the nickname. It drove him crazy when you called him that. Hell, he didn’t even know why it got him like that, but he loved it so.

“I want you to get your finger nice and wet for me. Trail it down your neck, to your tits. Now, pinch those sweet little nipples for Daddy. Let me hear you. You feel your little pussy twitch? Yeah, I thought so... Give your tits a little squeeze for me. A little rougher, just like I always do.”

You couldn’t help but moan slightly as you followed through his orders, causing him to have to take a second and remind himself to breathe. Man, no one else had ever been able to get him so worked up like this, so fucking horny that he couldn’t see straight. Only you.

“Lick your finger again, make both nipples wet. Play with it. Imagine it’s my tongue, sucking and biting just like you like. I’m there, I’m kneading your breast in one hand, using my mouth on the other…” Steve could hear that too-familiar little whine, the one you always made when your thighs began to close on him, when he gave you so much pleasure that you nearly couldn’t handle it. He knew you and your body almost a little too well. “No, baby girl. Keep those legs open for me. I want you to, slowly, trail your hand down your stomach. Slowly, Y/N. Do you feel how fucking wet you are? Who made you like that without even touching you?”

“You.” You breathed, choking back a moan. “You, Steve.”

“That’s right, baby, even though I’m almost a thousand miles away. I wish I was there with you… As soon as I get home, I’ll fuck you nice and hard just like I know you want me to. But for now, push one finger into your pussy. Just one for now, baby girl. Be patient…”

“I will, Daddy.”

“Good girl. Finger yourself for me. It’s good, but it’s not enough, is it? So needy... So pull out, circle around your clit... Gentle, slow and gentle. You know better.” Steve gave you more than a few seconds to please yourself before he spoke up again. And taking the silence to his advantage, he let his own hand fall down to his lap, slowly beginning to palm himself through the thick fabric. “Do you think you’re ready for another finger? Take your time, sweet girl. Pump them in and out...”

Steve let out a small groan, his own arousal becoming too much for him. His cock twitched against his thigh, feeling the little beads of precum fall onto his soft skin. Another soft sound when he pressed a little harder, the soft friction of the cotton against his sensitive member, driving him crazy. Fuck it.

“Baby girl, this was supposed to be just for you... I was gonna take care of myself later, but I just can’t hold back. You’re so beautiful when you moan like that, so fuck it. Baby, we’re gonna do this together.” He began to untie the strings, pulling his sweats and boxers down his hips just enough for him to pull out his aching length. More quiet curses fell from his lips as he took himself into his hand. God, he could’ve came right then and there if he really wanted to. “I’m- My hand is wrapped around my cock, my thumb is gliding over the tip. Feels so good... Imagine me pushing it inside you, push two fingers into yourself. Fuck, I can practically feel you squeezing around me... Curl those fingers, find that sweet spot that I showed you. Press against it, feel it, baby girl.”

A throaty moan finally escaped you, much to your surprise. Steve groaned, enjoying that sound to the fullest. He wished that you could be as loud as you wanted, but unfortunately, you couldn’t. You had family across the hall. His was three floors down, and he was very thankful that he himself didn’t have to worry about that. He could talk at just above a whisper but below a normal speaking voice, so (really, accidentally) sexy and perfect.

“I want you to put the phone down next to your ear. Rub your clit, use both hands if you want to, so your fingers keep working. Be gentle, so gentle... When you pull your fingers out, I want you to suck on them. Taste yourself, I know you love it, baby. Pretend they’re my fingers, slick with your wetness.”

“Oh, fuck,” You mumbled, trying to keep yourself quiet,. Not quite failing, but... Not exactly succeeding, either. Not that either of you much cared at the moment. You sighed lightly as you licked over your fingers, and he inhaled sharply upon hearing the obscene sound of it. Wet, your lips wrapped around your digits, tongue sweetly licking up the mess on them. “Daddy... I’m so close.”

“I know, baby girl, just keep playing with your clit. Fingers, in and out, hitting that spot... God, fuck, what I wouldn’t give to be there with you. I don’t think, I-I don’t think I’d be able to resist you... Oh, it feels so good when I close my eyes, I can see you above me, hands tangled in my hair while you ride my cock.” His own strokes became quicker as he spoke, a smile seeping through his voice. He loved that sight, that thought, more than anything else. He squeezed himself slightly, imagining that it was your pussy squeezing him so nice, so invitingly, just like always.

The more he spoke, the quicker your orgasm approached, the sweet, hot waves of pleasure washing over you violently. You began to focus solely on his voice, and with that, you started to let your moans get louder... And louder, and louder, until finally he had to stop you.

“Baby girl, hey, listen to me.” He said, through broken words. He found himself a panting mess at this point. “You have to be quiet. I want you to be quiet, daddy needs you to be quiet. I want you to whimper, so softly, so quietly. Okay? Can you do that for me?”

“Mhm.” You whined, nodding your head. Completely forgetting that the brunette boy couldn’t see you. But somehow, he just knew that’s what you were doing.

“I want you to go harder, deeper. Raise your hips up a bit. Fuck yourself so good, baby.” Small whimpers and little cries of pleasure began to fall from your lips as you followed his suggestion. Oh, how that brought a smile to his face. His pretty little girl obeying him so perfectly. “You’re such a good girl, Y/N.”

His praise only fueled the fire in the pit of your stomach, bringing you closer and closer to the edge. “Daddy, I’m going to come.”

“No, not yet. Not yet.” He said lightly. “I want to come at the same time as you. Can you try to hold it until Daddy says so?”

You mumbled a small ‘yes’ to him, listening closer to him. The sound of flesh on flesh, his moans, his words, the stillness of the bedroom he was in. You wondered what it looked like, if it was anything like his own bedroom back home.

Sweet sounds fell from the both of you for a little while longer. Steve bucked his hips into his hands as he stroked his length, letting himself grow louder, but not by much, until he finally began to feel his orgasm creeping up on him. You let the little whines and cries and whimpers of pleasure, the tiny moans of his name, fall from your lips. He savored that, wishing he could bottle it up and save it forever. There truly was nothing better, as far as he was concerned.

“Baby, you wanna come?” He asked heavily, a slight growl ripping through his throat. You vigorously nodded, giving him a slight ‘uh huh’ as you continued your actions. “Let’s slow down now, alright? Nice and slow, hard and deep. Match that rhythm... You’re gonna come for me, baby girl. We’ll come together...”

By the end of his sentence, Steve’s voice had grown fiercer, heavier. Thick pants and rough moans rising from his throat. He was so, so close to the edge. So close. He was becoming more and more scatterbrained, more focused on his single task at hand. Getting the two of you off, and making it amazing, more than usual.

“Come. Come for Daddy. Now, oh, fuck.”

He began to crumble, unable to hold himself back. A series of moans of your name, louder little breathy pants, sweet and unrestrained sounds. Thick, hot, white ropes of his release spurting onto his stomach. Messy, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He sounded almost... Angelic, in a fucked up sort of way. And with that, you began to come. Choked sobs and cries of his name, they were saccharine on his tongue as you cane undone. So sweet, so beautiful, exactly what he needed to hear right now. A reminder of his neverending love for you, delivered in a strange fashion.

After a moment of heavy breathing from the both of you, he spoke up.

“I hope... I hope that was as good for you as it was for me.” He said, still catching his breath from the intense orgasm that had just torn through him. You could only muster up a breathy little ‘yes’ as you recovered, eyes closed and phone still as close to you as ever.

“God, it was. It was so good...” You said, quietly, under your breath. “We should do that more often, Steve.”

“Yeah.” He nodded his head, mind still reeling. “We really do.”

It wasn’t long before you both began to drift off to sleep, exhausted. He turned his bedside lamp on and began to clean himself up as the two of you spoke in hushed whispers back and forth. He could hear the tiredness in your voice as you spoke, the raspiness that you always had when you were sleepy. To be honest, he thought it was so cute, and loved hearing you like that.

Silence fell between the two of you after a few minutes more of regular conversation. Talking about your respective days, the hot gossip back home, what’s going on in New York. Then, Steve began to hear what sounded like, well... Faint snores. Soft, faint little snores from your end of the line. He laughed quietly, shaking his head.

“Y/N?” He asked. No response. He decided to stay for a moment longer. “I love you so much... Sleep good, baby girl. I’ll be home tomorrow.”

[shadowbanki]

Shiro-Sora chapter one outline

I can’t believe I actually got this out...

———

Quiet and reserved Uta Utane is going to her first day of Sonare Community College, a primarily music college, one morning. That evening she will relocate to the dorms.

She passes by a person who is lost on campus and needs directions. Uta doesn’t know the campus well, but unlike most people, she is patient and at least tries to help. The person ends up being very grateful to Uta.

The person Uta tried to help was Taya Soune. Taya is soft-spoken, introverted, and doesn’t have many friends. Taya ends up remembering Uta’s kindness for the rest of the day. While Uta was talking to him, Taya wanted her to stay with him longer. When Uta eventually went off on her own after not being able to help with directions, Taya felt a bit wistful.

Uta ends up having an eventful day at school, meeting a lot of zany classmates with weird quirks.

In first period class, Uta meets a girl named Miki who is quite eccentric, is passionate about anime, and acts rather animated herself. At first Miki gives Uta the nickname “Defoko” because she bluntly declares that she seems like such a “default” type of person, but soon realizes Uta is more of a “kuudere”... whatever those terms mean. The nickname “Defoko” still seems to stick around, however.

(The nickname “Defoko” is from the word “default” in Japanese katakana, pronounced as “deforuto,” coupled with “ko,” a common ending in Japanese girls’ names. “Kuudere” is a term meaning “cool on the outside, loving on the inside.” It is taken from the English word “cool,” (“kuuru” in Japanese,) and the Japanese onomatopoeia “deredere,” which means “lovey-dovey.”)

Miki’s best friend, Iroha, appears to be a lover of everything cute and cheerful. Iroha is quite the Hello Kitty enthusiast as well. Iroha often is saying “nyaa” when she’s in a daze, which happens when she comes across anything she finds cute. However, Iroha is insecure and does not find herself cute. Miki constantly reassures Iroha and says she is adorable.

Uta is surprised at first that Miki and Iroha are in college and are still acting like high school girls... or even younger, for that matter.

Anon is a girl who sometimes fights with her sister Kanon, even though they appear to be on the same wavelength... And they’re up to trouble. Anon likes to attempt to get out of trouble by referencing her name. “It wasn’t me... it was anonymous.” In Uta’s second period, the teacher pulls up what’s supposed to be a boring video to introduce the class. But instead, it’s a link to watch Space Jam on a pirated movie website. Anon switched the links when nobody was looking. The professor’s computer freezes from computer viruses and the entire class is forced to watch Space Jam. Anon is also apparently a hobbyist mime.

Kanon is Anon’s sister, and in second period she wouldn’t stop playing Careless Whisper on her kazoo. Apparently she is training to be a real circus clown because she loves making people laugh. In second period, the professor finally was able to exit out of the Space Jam link. “Now, all of you, do NOT press the link.” He says. But what does Kanon do when she’s faced with a button and the command “do not press?” She presses it! Now the next period gets to watch Space Jam too!

Daina is in Uta’s third period class. Uta hails Daina for finally being someone “normal” and trustworthy at first... until she found out about Daina’s eccentric taste in music, dramatic poetry, crazy obsession with foxes, and tendency to howl at the full moon. And that’s not even touching on her close friendship with Dex, a wolf-obsessed guy who howls at the moon with her.

Dex is a rather eccentric guy who is energetic, yet emotional inside. He likes EDM music and despite his eccentricities, is chill and easy to talk to. Uta respects him in a certain way, aside from the other “weirdos” she met that day, Dex seems very wise and thoughtful.

Basically, Daina and Dex are furries. They’re also theater kids, and low-key emo in a way. And they’ve been best friends since second grade.

Teto is in Uta’s fourth period. She immediately latches on to Uta. Teto mentions Uta looking gloomy and wants her to smile. Teto is quite bubbly and friendly, although she is childish and doesn’t like to be teased. Uta does end up teasing Teto a bit. But it is playful and good intentioned. Teto teases Uta back a bit. They seem to develop a friendship of playful teasing for now.

Aku is in Uta’s fourth period. She seems a little lonely. Uta actually goes out of her own way to talk to Aku this time. Aku tells Uta about the sky. It’s pretty, but... it seems so lonely that we can’t fly up and visit it. Aku had always wanted wings and magic. She gives Uta a spiel about what she would do if she had magic. She would use it to cast away negativity and evil, which is ironic, considering her name is pronounced like the Japanese word for evil, “aku.” Aku prefers to be called by a nickname, Akurin. Uta agrees to call her that.

Clara is in Uta’s final fifth period class. She transferred to the United States from Colombia at the start of high school. She is friendly and cheerful. She is quite doting, somehow feeling like both a mother and a little sister at the same time. Clara says hello to everyone in the class and tries to get acquainted with her classmates. Everyone in the class admires Clara’s friendliness. Uta is a bit shy. She stutters saying her name. Clara thinks her name is Utah. Uta is too embarrassed to correct her. Clara also is already giving invites to the entire class for karaoke, claiming “This class is my favorite so far. Everyone has been so friendly!” Uta actually thinks about going...

Ruko is in fifth period too, and makes fast acquaintances with Clara. Ruko is a very tall person, six feet two. She is non-binary. Ruko is outgoing and also very mature. She admires Clara’s strength to push herself out to everyone she meets. The two chat for a bit. Ruko notices Uta looking a little gloomy and invites her to join in the conversation. This is when Uta tells Clara her name. Ruko believes Uta’s name is Yuuta for a while.

After a wild day, Uta concludes that college is officially weirder than high school.

When Uta is moving to her new dorm room after school, she comes across Taya, who she stopped to help that morning, while at the top of a hill with a pretty scenic view... However, Uta doesn’t remember him. But Taya remembers her.

“Um... Hello.” Uta hears a voice calling out to her.

“Yeah? What is it?” Uta responds. Her manner of speech is rather informal.

Taya approaches.

“Um, I just...” He is rather shy. “I wanted to thank you for your kindness from this morning.”

Taya bows formally, even though they’re in the USA...

Uta feels she is involved in a mix-up.

“I’m sorry... I think you‘ve got the wrong person.” She says.

“Oh...” Taya says. “Maybe you don’t remember me. But... I remember you. You helped me with directions. Well... you didn’t really know the way either, but just the thought of stopping to help... Please, tell me how I can repay you!”

Taya gives another deep bow. Uta starts to think Taya is a little strange.

“Um... you really don’t have to do anything, seriously.” Uta says. “Helping people out is human decency. It was nothing, really.”

“Yet I am so grateful...” Taya says again.

“Well then, um...” Uta starts saying. “How about... you tell me your name? Then we can call it even.”

“Oh, my name is Taya.” Taya says. “Taya Soune. What is yours?”

“I’m Uta Utane.” Uta says. “Well, nice to meet you.”

“Ah! Likewise!” Taya says, with a smile. He is still a bit shy, but he feels like he and Uta are no longer strangers to each other.

They get to the dorms together. The manager of the room tells them their designated room numbers and... WHAT? Uta and Taya happen to be roommates!

“Well, what a coincidence!” She says. “You two already know each other. Well I hope you enjoy living together!”

Taya bows... again.

“Sorry for the trouble I’m going to be causing you.” He says.

“Wait, please don’t apologize...” Uta says. “It’s okay... I’m glad my roommate is someone so considerate. Don’t feel like you have to apologize.”

“Okay.” Taya says.

Once they’re in the room, they have their stuff delivered shortly. They unpack clothes and such. Taya’s clothes are all fancy and posh menswear. Uta’s are mostly all casual and somewhat boyish, T-shirts, jeans, hoodies. Uta asks if Taya forgot to pack any casual clothes. Taya answers that this is just how he always dresses.

“Even to sleep?” Uta asks.

“Don’t judge me...” Taya says.

They eventually have a conversation about why they chose to attend Sonare Community College.

Taya is passionate about music. He has played the cello and taken vocal lessons since middle school. He came to Sonare to enrich his skills and continue down his path. He also confesses his interest in musical theatre, but being too shy previously. He thought about starting it once he came to Sonare.

Uta’s major is music and she had been playing the violin since childhood. However, she lost her passion long ago. She only continued playing the violin since she already came so far. She doesn’t feel the desire to disclose her lack of passion to Taya, considering how passionate Taya seems to be about music and theatre. Uta would just put a damper on his spirits, she feels.

Somewhere along the way, Uta learns that Taya is non-binary. Uta has heard of that term before, but hearing Taya explain non-binary gender in more detail makes Uta begin to relate to the idea and slowly start to question her own gender identity.

That night, before they sleep, Taya asks Uta something. He did just meet her, but he already trusts her a lot.

“Um... I’m terribly sorry. I’m so, so terribly sorry, but... I have something I want to ask of you... I’m so sorry!” Taya says.

“Well... you haven’t even told me what it is yet. Quit being sorry and tell me.” Uta says.

“W-Well...” Taya says. “You see... Remember when I wanted to be in musical theatre? It’s... it’s always been my dream... to perform a certain play with everyone... but... I feel I just can’t push myself alone. Uta, I trust you a lot, so... would you join the theatre club with me?”

There is silence.

“Well...” Uta starts saying.

“Ah, I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but... um... I’ve always been shy and timid, but... when I’m with a friend like you, I don’t feel as scared. It would mean so much to me, and I promise I’ll repay you...”

“...You don’t have to repay me.” Uta says.

“Huh?” Taya answers.

“You know, I really don’t really have any interest in theatre but... if you want it that much, I’ll do it, okay?”

“Ah, really?” Taya smiles. “Thank you so much...”

“Yeah...” Uta says. “Maybe it could be fun...”

That night, as Uta is falling asleep, it sinks in that Taya called her a friend. Feeling grateful she made friends with such an earnest person, she hopes their bond will continue to grow.

[thechildoflightning]

The Kübler-Ross Model

Title: The Kübler-Ross Model [Masterpost]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: background LAMP

~~~

Chapter Title: Depression- Chapter Four

Summary: 

Stage Four: Depression- Characterized by intense sadness at the realization that the loss that has occurred is permanent.

In which Remy is drowning in sadness.

Warnings: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Family Relationships, Intense Sadness, Loss of Appetite, Food Mention

[ao3 link]

Depression- Chapter Four

“Selected: Voicemail. One item. Tab one of one,” Remy’s phone says, strangely subdued. Remy doesn’t even pause to wonder who it’s from. She puts her finger to the screen, sliding it around as she searches for the desired section.

“Voicemail.”

One finger down.

“Daniel Zurko. M-”

Double tap.

“I’m- Remy. I miss you. I worry. I don’t- you won’t even answer my calls, I don’t know how you are, I… Remy I just miss you so much. Please, call. If just to let me know you’re okay. Please. Don’t keep doing this to me Remy.”

-

Remy doesn’t see Kai or Elliot until dinner. They meet up in the dining hall and find three open spaces. It’s pretty packed, so Cha-Cha slides into a tuck under her feet.

They eat in silence for awhile, the atmosphere obviously a bit tense.

“I’m sorry,” Remy says at last, “It wasn’t fair of me to snap at either of you. Kai, you were just trying to be helpful, Elliot you had no idea anything was even going on. I shouldn’t have done that. I was angry about some stuff, and I shouldn’t have taken that out on you two.”

“Okay thanks,” Elliot says.

“Forgiven,” Kai agrees.

Remy nods.

“And, Remy?” Elliot asks. Their voice sounds anxious, but doesn’t waver. Remy can’t help but feel that whatever they’re about to say is going to be incredibly important.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t- if you want- you know you can talk to us, right?”

It’s such a simple sentence, but it carries a ton of weight behind it. It means that Remy has people supporting her, people on her side. She has these systems around her to help her out. She just has to accept that help, that support.

“Yeah, I know,” she mutters.

Does she?

“Okay.”

“Are we still planning on creating Dungeons and Dragons characters tonight?” Kai asks after a moment, “And then actually getting moving on starting a campaign.”

“I- I think Mitchell wanted to do something tonight?” Elliot voices before Remuy gets a chance to confirm.

“Aww that’s three times in a row now, Elliot,” Kai points out.

“I can tell him no- I don’t have to-”

“No, no,” Kai insists, “If you have plans with your boyfriend that’s okay, that’s alright. You don’t have to feel bad for wanting to spend time with your boyfriend. We can totally work something else out.”

Elliot lets out a tiny sigh and it sounds wrong. Remy doesn’t like it. Remy’s slowing getting to know Elliot on a deeper level, to understand them. She knows they can get anxious about small things, and maybe it’s a sigh of relief. 

But it doesn’t sound like one.

“Elliot?” Remy asks.

“Hmm?”

“Do you want to spend time with Mitchell?”

“Of course I do!” they insist, “Mitchel’s my boyfriend. It’s- he doesn’t deserve to be ignored.”

“I mean I don’t think spending one night with your friends would be considered ‘ignored,’” Kai comments, “But it’s not my relationship. So… as long as you're happy.”

Is Elliot happy?

“Yeah,” Elliot says. They hesitate. “This Thursday, okay? Thursday, DnD characters. I’ll be there. Promise.”

“Awesome!” Kai cheers. Remy can’t help but agree with the sentiment.

-

Thursday has the three of them Kai’s bed in their and Remy’s dorm. Kai’s laptop is in their lap and Cha-Cha has ditched Remy to curl into Elliot’s side. Elliot’s much to happy about this, sweet talking her and giving her all sorts of attention and pets.

Remy’s friends give Cha-Cha too much love and attention. They haven’t spent years with her, they don’t understand how terrible she can be. For example, her horrible sock stealing habit. Okay, Kai knows about that, but they forgive Cha-Cha way too easily. Remy’s just waiting until they start having to replace pairs again and again. Then Kai will understand how truly evil she can be.

“Okay, so with DnD we generally start with race and class.”

“Race: white and Roma, class: upper middle,” Remy responds.

“I… literally cannot tell if you are joking or not.”

“I am. A friend played. I know like, basic basics.”

Remy still hasn’t talked to any of her friends back home. She winces internally and pushes that away. She’ll get to it eventually, just… later.

“All I know comes from Stranger Things,” Elliot admits, which is a great distraction from Remy’s thoughts. It causes Kai to sigh loudly at how inept they are.

“Right. Okay. We have a lot of work to do.”

Kai starts explaining the game and how it works and quickly moves onto characters. They’re telling them about stats when Remy interrupts.

“I still don’t get why I can’t just take everything and put it into charisma and have everything else be zeros,” she says.

“Because that isn’t how you play the game,” Kai says, “Next question. Yes Elliot. And you don’t need to raise your hand.”

“You should let Remy put everything into charisma and have everything else be zeros.”

Remy points to Elliot in agreement. It’s good to know that they have her back in Remy’s quest to completely annoy Kai.

“That’s not a question.”

“Can you please let him put everything into charisma and have everything else be zeros?”

Something twists inside Remy when Elliot uses he/him for him. It’s not Elliot’s fault, Remy knows it’s not. She doesn’t blame them. Remy has’t told either of them yet. She wants to… but it’s hard. She doesn’t quite know how. She hasn’t told anyone besides Patton yet, and she doesn’t know how to start.

“No. Stop asking me that,” Kai groans, “You can’t- no. Maybe if you had more experience I’d let you have more skewed stats, but either way you still can’t have anything that high. But considering you’re both beginners, we're going to start with fairly balanced stats.”

“Can I at least have Cha-Cha?”

“Let Remy have Cha-Cha, Kai, don’t be mean.”

“I- there’s rules for pets- Okay are you blind?”

“Actually no, I’m not blind, I’ve been lying to you both this entire time. I just wanted to bring my dog to college and thought ‘hey yeah, this’ll work,’” Remy jokes. Elliot laughs at that while Kai just sighs even louder.

“In the game, Remy, in the game. Are you blind?”

“I can not be blind?”

“It’s a fucking game I don’t care.”

“Okay yeah sure I’m blind.”

“Then fine- fine you can have Cha-Cha as a guide dog. But she can only use commands she knows. She can’t fight and stuff.”

“What if Cha-Cha knows how to attack people?”

“Does she?”

“Yes.”

The room falls silent.

“So that’s terrifying,” Kai says as Remy calls Cha-Cha to her.

“Cha-Cha, attack,” Remy commands when her dog is at her side. Cha-Cha responds instantly, covering Remy with kisses that are very slobbery and very gross. 

“Oh my- Remy I literally thought you meant you trained Cha-Cha to attack people!” Elliot screeches.

“With kisses, attack with kisses.”

Kai groans and shoves Remy lightly, pushing her into her dog who is still trying to lick her. Remy tells her to stop, and Cha-Cha settles at her feet. Remy nudges her lightly with a foot, and Cha-Cha responds by starting to nibble on her sock, most certainly in an attempt to eventually pull it off and hoard it wherever the others are. 

“Kiss attacks will not inflict damage in DnD. And speaking of DnD, let’s get back on task, yeah? Elliot, your character, what’s their name.”

“Uhhh….”

“You’ve been staring at the page for like an hour now!” Kai protests.

“There’s a lot of names to choose from! Plus I have the option to make my own so give me time. Ask Remy.”

“Remy, your character, what’s his name?”

“Her,” Remy responds on reflex, because this entire time she’s been thinking of her character as a girl. She quickly realizes her mistake.

“Shit I didn’t mean to say that,” she says at the exact same moment that Kai goes, “Okay, what’s her name?”

Fuck. Remy’s just made things worse.

“What?” Kai asks.

“What?” she responds.

“What?” Elliot joins in.

Remy groans and shoves her face in her hands. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Remy? Your character can be a girl, that’s totally chill,” Kai tells her, voice carrying hesitance and amusement, “They don’t have to be the same gender as you.”

Remy groans louder.

“Fuck I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she says.

“What?” Elliot whispers again.

“I don’t know?” Kai whispers back.

“I can hear you,” Remy complains, “I’m fuckin’ blind not deaf.”

She sighs once more and pulls her head more. Rip it off like a band aid. It’ll be fine. She’s fine. She.

“I’m a woman. I’m trans. So yeah. That’s a thing. So my character is going to use she/her pronouns too. Like me.”

There’s a second of silence and Remy feels like she's about to burst. What are they thinking? Will they hate her? They wouldn’t. Right?

“Oh. Congratulations!” Elliot says, “We still love you obviously.”

That’s a relief. Remy knows they would. Of course they would. But she was still afraid.

“Yes,” Kai jumps in, “Awesome. My lovely friend is a woman, she’s awesome, all the valid. Also I have to say this is not the first time someone I know has come out during DnD so congrats, you can join the metaphorical club for that.”

Remy glows.

There’s still the nervous energy thrumming through her, because even though she knows they would be supportive this is still terrifying. Hearing them actually support her is gratifying and makes her heart soar.

“Can I ask about your name?” Elliot asks.

“Remy. Still Remy. That’s important to me. And I know that’s not traditional or-”

“That’s fine. All it needs to be is something that you’re happy with,” Kai butts in.

“It is. I am. Uh, so yeah. Remy. Middle name is Eileen. Remy Eileen.”

“That’s really pretty,” Elliot says.

“Thanks. And I’m not- or well- I think I’m sure but I’m not sure? Because I- I do feel like I’m- like I am trans. But I don’t think I get dysphoria? Or not that I’ve noticed. I mean I get social dysphoria. I did the day I met you Kai, which makes so much sense now, but I don’t think I get gender dysphoria. And I’ve been reading-”

“If you’ve been reading, you’ll know that anyone worth shit knows that you don’t have to experience gender dysphoria to be trans,” Kai insists, tone offering no room for debate.

“I know.”

Remy does. There's a lot of exclusionary rhetoric out there, but there’s also so much love and support. Remy’s found whole communities of people with different experiences of being trans. She knows her own experience is just as valid, it’s no less than anyone else’s.

“But it’s still hard?” Elliot offers.

“Yeah,” she admits, because it is. It’s been a relief knowing but it’s also terrifying.

Kai and Elliot both make noises of agreement and Remy feels safe. She feels loved. She feels like she’s home.

Her phone starts ringing.

It’s her dad.

She suddenly feels miserable.

It slams into her like a wave, all at once. Full force and she feels like she’s drowning. It hits so suddenly and the tide just sweeps her right off her feet leaving her floundering.

She’s loved, she’s home, she has a good life, good people around her.

And then her dad calls and he brings all the pain and misery right back up.

Remy denies the call, suddenly exhausted.

“Remy?” Elliot asks.

“Just my dad, let’s keep going.”

“Are you sure?” Kai asks.

Remy’s not. She’s exhausted. She feels like she’s being weighed down, falling and unable to get up.

“Yeah,” she says, “Yeah.”

Elliot and Kai are hesitant, but they go back to conversing and trying to figure out Elliot’s character’s name. Remy just sits with them, pitching in as little as possible, mind drifting away and a heavy sadness in her heart.

-

Remy’s not doing well and she doesn’t know what to do about that, but it’s time to admit it. 

She’s not doing well. 

At all. 

She doesn’t know what to do about it. 

At all.

Because the thing is- the truth is, Remy’s been ignoring this. She’s been ignoring this and she’s been mad at her dad and she’s tried to fix it. 

But she can’t. And she can’t move on either. Because Remy- Remy misses her dad. 

She misses him and that’s the worst part of all of this. 

Because her dad wasn’t a good dad. He made too many mistakes to excuse. He’s suffocated Remy her entire life. He’s manipulative. He took away Cha-Cha. He took away Remy’s freedom. Remy has never been to think about her own wants and needs, she’s always had to cater to her father. He had played on her love for him to keep her by his side for ages. And it worked. It had worked well. 

It works well. 

Because Remy still loves him and she wants to pick up the phone, and she knows the minute she does she’ll go running home. 

Because her father will say he misses her and he loves her and he needs her without apologizing for anything. And then he’ll insist that she can’t do this on her own. He’ll wheedle and he’ll pick at her, saying how he needs her, how she needs him and then she’ll come running back like she always does.

She doesn't want to keep doing that, but it’s hard, because it’s her dad.

And what if this time will be different? 

It won’t be. Remy knows it won’t. She lost that last shred of hope when she left home. It’s the reason she won’t pick up the phone, because she knows her father hasn’t changed, isn’t going to change.

She hates it.

It’s- he’s her dad. She shouldn’t be in this situation. He should love her and support her and be there for her. She shouldn’t be fielding calls and running away and struggling through her first year at college alone. This is something he should be doing with her.

Remy wants to call him, but she can’t. Not now, maybe not ever. Not until he changes. Really, truly changes.

She doesn’t know if he ever well. She sighs loudly. 

“You okay?” Kai asks from where he’s sitting at his desk, playing a game on his computer.

“Fine,” Remy insists, spread eagle (or as spread eagle as she can get while being six foot and on a dorm room bed). 

“You don’t seem fine,” Kai says. 

“I’m just tired.”

That’s true. Remy is exhausted, but she knows that isn’t the whole truth. She doesn’t know the last time she told the whole truth. 

“Oh,” Kai says. 

“Yeah,” Remy agrees. 

“Uh- I mean if you’re too tired we don’t have to- but I’m pretty sure they have puppies at the student center today.”

“Holy shit you’re kidding,” Remy says, sitting upright. 

Kai laughs.

“Yeah I saw a sign the other day. It’s like a monthly thing? Or something.”

“We are absolutely going. What time is it?” Remy asks, as she reaches for her phone. 

“12:14,” Kai answers promptly. 

“Cool, cool. We’ll catch Elliot coming out of their lecture? Get lunch in the dining hall and then puppies?”

Puppies will make her feel better, right?

“Hell yeah,” Kai grins. 

Hopefully puppies will make her feel better. 

“Let’s go.”

If they don’t make her feel better, at least they’ll be a distraction. 

“Rem?”

That’s good enough, right?

“Uh, yeah?” 

“Are we going?”

“Right, right,” Remy says. She nods and stands and suddenly feels exhausted once more. The excitement of puppies has already started to fade, giving way to the overwhelming sadness that’s begun to engulf her. 

“Can we take the bus?” Kai asks. He seems hesitant- presumably because it’s not that far to the dining hall. Only one stop actually. But the bus does get that one stop closer. Remy's learning that for Kai, that can be a significant difference. 

“Sure,” Remy says. 

“Okay.”

“I think I’m going to leave Cha-Cha here. I think the puppies and her- I mean it’ll probably be fine but I don’t know anything about these puppies or if they won’t want Cha-Cha around them and-“ Remy shrugs, “I’m just gonna leave her here.”

“Okay.”

Remy starts looking for her cane. (She swore it was by the door)? As she does so a thought comes to mind and she significantly perks up. 

“Oh- and Kai, guess what that means?”

Kai knows exactly what that means if his loud groan is anything to go by. 

“No.”

She locates her cane- it was folded on her desk.

“You don’t have to guide me,” Remy says, “but it’s good practice. And like- let’s be real here. If you’re guiding I’m still going to be somewhat using my cane. I don’t trust you that much yet.”

“Yeah. You shouldn’t,” Kai supports, “I almost crashed you into a pole last time. I did have you trip on stairs.”

“There’s only four stairs from here to the dining hall, not counting the bus and I know where they are.”

“Your funeral,” Kai says, and that settles the matter. 

They quickly gather their things together and head for the door. 

They make quick progress to the dining hall. Kai forgets to warn her of the first set of stairs, and when Remy points that out he swears loudly. He remembers the second set. They get lunch and sit, texting Elliot when they get there. 

“They/them now,” Kai says, just as Elliot sits with them. 

“Okay!” Elliot says, surprisingly cheerful as Remy nods in agreement. “Awww, no Cha-Cha, Rem? I miss my favorite person.”

“First off Cha-Cha isn’t a person, she’s a dog. Second of all, glad to know I’m second to my dog.”

“Nah,” Elliot says, “You’re third. Kai’s second.”

“Obviously,” Kai agrees at the same time as Remy’s exclamation of, “Hey!”

They’re joking. Remy knows they’re joking, and it’s funny. It is. 

Remy doesn’t know why she has to convince herself of that fact. 

They don’t see her as last. She’s their friend. They’re equals and they get along great and things are fine. Everything’s fine. 

Remy's entire world is crumbling apart. 

She’s miserable. 

The others don’t seem to notice her distress, which is a good sign. Remy doesn’t want them to know. She can deal with this herself. 

Kai starts to explain the plan with the puppies to Elliot. They seem as equally excited about it as Remy was. Remy smiles, puts on a facade of happiness. She picks at the rest of her food, appetite now lost. 

The puppies help. A bit. Remy thinks. Maybe it’s just a placebo effect. (Shouldn’t a placebo effect count still? It should, right? Any happiness is better than now, right? Is she even using the term ‘placebo effect’ correctly?)

The puppies are very cute at the very least. They clamor into her lap and their little bodies are so wiggly. Remy takes a seat on the floor and they immediately cover her. Kai and Elliot seemed equally pleased. Elliot sits next to him, cooing at the adorable little things. Kai was sitting nor far off from them, over on a bench, with a small pup in his lap. Remy assumes they’re still there.

A pup licks her face and a smile spreads across her face. Yeah, she thinks it's helping at least a little bit.

Eventually, they have to say goodbye to the puppies. None of them were pleased about that, but at least they got the experience at all. Kai splits from them to head to the library and so Remy and Elliot head back to their dorm without them. 

They fall into easy and comfortable silence when Elliot asks a question that Remy does not want to answer.

“Remy- are you doing okay? You seem- I dunno- off.”

“I’m just tired,” she says, and well, it’s not a lie.

Elliot sighs.

“Are you?”

“Yes?” Remy says, not quite sure what Elliot’s asking.

“I just- I mean, I’m not saying you’re not tired. But is there a reason you’re tired? I- You’ve seemed a bit down lately, so…”

“I’m fine,” Remy insists, “I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Okay,” Elliot says, dropping the subject. Remys knows they don’t believe her. Which is fair- Remy wouldn't believe herself either, and Elliot’s concerns were pretty much spot on.

They walk in awkward silence the rest of the way. Elliot goes to their dorm, and Remy to hers. Even though Remy knows that the tense atmosphere is largely her doing, she can’t help but wish that someone will break it. Anyone but her. (She knows it has to be her).

Remy works a bit on a paper, but she’s too unmotivated to do much. She just keeps running her fingers over the same line of braille without editing or adding on. Eventually, she gives up and takes Cha-Cha outside. They play fetch for a while and usually it’s a fun activity but this time Remy just feels empty. She feels lonely.

She feels sad.

She finally knows why.

She misses her dad. She misses life being easy. She hates admitting that the relationship she and her dad had was this fractured.

She’s admitting it all finally. It hurts. It hurts like crazy.

She’s not doing anything about the overwhelming sadness. The truth is, she doesn’t really know what to do about it.

Remy and Cha-Cha go back inside. 

Remy still can't concentrate on her paper, so she gives up once more and listens to an audiobook instead. She can’t focus and all the words blur together. She knows she’s going to have to listen to this all again the next time she plays it. She doesn’t turn it off.

Kai comes back at some point. They talk a bit. Kai takes their leg braces off and ices their knees. Remy pretends to do her homework. It’s a normal night all things considered.

Then Kai goes to bed and Remy doesn’t. Not normal, but not abnormal. The two of them tend to head to bed around the same time but not always. It's certainly not unusual.

What is unusual is how late Remy stays up. She always had trouble with sleep cycles and because of that, she does her best to stay consistent. But midnight approaches and passes, and then one, and then two, and then three, and then suddenly it’s four something in the morning and Remy still hasn’t slept.

Her thoughts are just too much. She’s exhausted. She’s so tired. But she can’t sleep. She can’t sleep and she’s so sad and she doesn’t know what she's doing anymore how did she think she could handle this she is drowning and-

And Remy sighs, makes her decision, and pulls out her phone. It’s time for a call.

~

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