#just like any other unnecessary act would be considered stupid. if it's not logical or being used for a greater plan then what's the point? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

halothenthehorns · 3 years ago

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SNAPE'S GRUDGE

James wasn't giving anyone one second to discuss that bomb of a mess, too scared to hear any kind of answer but the one that had to be true, it just wasn't possible the world would be cruel enough that his friend truly had gone insane in Azkaban. Sirius must have a logical and sound reason for doing this, but the fact that he couldn't come up with one made him read on with more anxiety than possibly any chapter before.

No one in Gryffindor Tower slept that night.

"Doubt anyone's going to get any sleep tonight either," Sirius muttered.

They knew the castle was being searched top to bottom again, and they all stayed alert to see if Black had been found this time.

James had to swallow very hard for a moment, still praying with his every fiber that wouldn't happen. He knew Sirius must have a reason for the insane act he'd just pulled, he was clearly of sound mind enough to run for cripes sake, surely he must have been able to escape again!

Harry dearly wanted to ask why they'd all been forced to stay in the Great Hall last time for a lesser problem with Sirius only having attacked the portrait, but this time they weren't leaving. He didn't though, working out for himself the teachers must think the common rooms really were safer this time.

McGonagall did come back to tell that he hadn't.

Despite the scared out of their mind mood for the room, they were all in the proper state to release a breath of relief for what they knew would always be good news to them.

The damage had been done though, and for the next several days they saw security being tightened up around the castle all the more, as the doors to the school had been enchanted to recognize Black,

"Despite the doors lack of security, I still doubt that's how you're pulling it off," Remus rolled his eyes.

and Filch was given the task of filling in every last crack in the wall that not even a mouse could squeeze through.

'Would be useful, if Peter were still around' Sirius mentally sighed, hoping more than anything that if Harry learned anything at the end of the year, it was what really was going on with that story.

Cadogan was fired,

"And good riddance," Harry grumbled, that portrait had done far more harm than good in his opinion by constantly annoying the whole of his house.

and the Fat Lady was put back,

"About time," Lily smiled, which wavered slightly when she remembered why it had been taken down in the first place. She would never really believe Sirius was out to harm anyone at that school, but it still wasn't adding up right what on earth he was doing! No one had the gall to bring it up though, James was still reading in a rather harassed manner and didn't look intent on changing that until he got a solid explanation of what was going on.

with added protection.

"How do you protect a portrait?" Harry mumbled.

His mom looked puzzled herself for a moment, but James was already reading.

Now security trolls had been hired to patrol the seventh floor.

Harry couldn't help a laugh of surprise at what he considered an overkill, considering even after all of this he still didn't feel any impending danger, but he was the only one who did.

Harry did notice that the statue on the third floor hadn't been secured,

Sirius felt the smallest of smiles trying to make an appearance on his face, left over smugness from his years in thinking he and his friends ruled the school through those secret corridors, but it just didn't hold the same pleasure now as it once would have.

and Harry couldn't help asking Ron if they should say something about it. Ron disagreed, saying that a break in at Honeydukes would have been mentioned.

Lily couldn't help herself, now she really did want to know how the boys managed to get past those sensory alarms, so she finally forced a change of subject by asking, "alright, now I'm curious. How were you getting in and out of Honeydukes?" Then she cocked her head to the side and probed further, "and besides that, how were you getting back into the passage without a wand?"

Remus couldn't help but release a surprised burst of laughter at the thunderstruck look on both her and Harry's faces, but Sirius was the one to chip his answer, "Because the sensory alarms they use only work on humans. So long as I snuck in there as a dog, the thing wouldn't go off. As for getting back in though," here he did pause and frown before huffing, "actually, I've got nothing. Suppose I hid out somewhere in the castle until the coast was clear, I still know plenty of nice little hiding holes, and snuck through a window or something from the first floor. Really shouldn't be too hard when no one would actually be looking for a dog*; or maybe I got Remus to open it after the fact. Either could work."

James couldn't stop a light smile of his own making an appearance at such a light topic to him as he commented, "it's really not as hard as you two seem to think it is to get in and out of that place."

Lily couldn't keep a triumphant smile off of her face as she watched the boys theorize a few other means for Sirius to do this, and sat back comfortably when James finally managed to keep going in normal tones.

Harry was happy to have this pointed out, as he knew that if his way into Hogsmeade was blocked off as well he'd never get back into the village.

"Which would be the crying shame of the century," Remus declared in a very serious tone of voice.

Ron had become an overnight celebrity,

"I'll bet he loved that," Sirius snickered lightly, ignoring the horrible wince that wanted to cause. At least someone was getting their kicks out of this.

as people were finally paying more attention to him then Harry,

"I'm sure that was just breaking your heart," James grinned over at Harry, who was smiling pleasantly at how happy he remembered Ron was then. This instant had finally driven Scabbers clear from his mind, it really had been the first time Ron had finally gone a full day without thinking of his pet, then he winced and rubbed at his temple as he so frequently did whenever Scabbers came to mind. Why though? Was he really just trying to remember the rat was still alive? Wouldn't this be a good thing for Ron, rather than leaving a sick feeling in the pit of his gut the longer he thought on this?

as students demanded to hear his retelling of the event which Ron was all too happy to provide.

"Glad someone in your group knows how to," James snickered.

He told how he'd thought at first he had just been asleep when he heard the tearing noise,

Then James smile dried right up when he saw he was clearly going to read exactly what Ron was telling people, something he'd gladly never discuss again until he heard Sirius' real account on the matter.

but then he blinked at the heart stopping image of the convict staring down at him.

James was trying his hardest to get through this as fast as possible, still unwilling to hear anyone's side of the story other than Sirius' himself, because there wasn't any other option. There had to be a logical, understandable reason for this madness!

He'd been holding a knife and preparing to stab when Ron started screaming, and Black made a run for it. Only after the awed students walked off did Ron turn to Harry and follow up with the question of why he'd run at all?

'Probably because he gave me a heart attack, yelling like that' Sirius mentally grumbled, but failed to say anything out loud since he was the last one who really wanted to linger on this.

Harry couldn't help but wonder the same thing, why hadn't Black just stabbed Ron and turned on Harry?

James practically hissed that out through gritted teeth in foul contempt that sentence could exist in any universe, as implausible and stupid as it was.

Harry tried to work it out, saying his cover had already been blown and if he'd delayed any longer then he would have woken up the whole house, then the teachers, he hadn't enough time.

"Humm, there's a logic to the madness," Sirius huffed without any traces of humor.

Neville was in the deepest of trouble.

"That poor thing," Lily cooed.

Sirius couldn't help but wince, now knowing this kid didn't really need his help to get into trouble but feeling bad it had been his fault.

McGonagall had taken away his privilege to go to Hogsmeade,

"Ouch," James winced, knowing from Harry's experience how awful that was going to be, and remembering earlier how hopeful he'd been that this would happen.

given him a detention, and he was no longer allowed to know the password.

"Now how would that work," Remus frowned, "actually that's pretty harsh. It's not like he did it on purpose."

"Guess I really scared the crap out of her," Sirius grumbled.

He had to wait every night among the trolls until someone arrived to let him in.

"That's just-" Lily choked, unable to decide if she was supposed to laugh at the security measures they kept trying to put up against Sirius, or continue grumbling along with the boys how unnecessary it was.

None of this was nearly as bad as the Howler he received.

"Dang," all five of them winced that time, knowing public humiliation like that was the worst form of punishment available.

Harry recognized the scarlet envelope the moment it landed on Neville's plate.

"Yeah, we remember," James shook his head in pity at that remembered incident.

Ron told Neville to make a run for it,

"Sound advice really," Sirius nodded.

and while Neville tried, sprinting out the doors to the echoing laughter of Slytherin's behind him,

"Oh," Lily scowled, "it can't really be that funny."

"I was pointing out Malfoy's group more than anything," Harry shrugged, "and they thought it was a riot."

he didn't get far. The whole hall heard Neville's grandmother magically yelling about how he'd disgraced the whole of the family.

"It's not like he did it on purpose," Lily finally snapped at how outrageous she found that claim. "I highly doubt Neville walked up to him and gave it to him, nor would he consciously leave it lying about!"

"I agree, poor Neville really doesn't deserve all of this," James sighed.

Harry had been watching after him sadly, so at first didn't notice Hedwig until she gave him a nip.

"Yeah, that'll do it," Harry muttered while rubbing at his wrist.

He took her offered letter and opened it as Hedwig began eating some of Neville's cereal.

That at least gave them a random laugh.

It contained the message that Harry and Ron were invited over at six, and in all capital letters to wait at the entrance hall for him to arrive.

"Really James," Lily sighed, "I'm glad that seemed to make you feel better, but it's a letter, you don't need to shout."

James gave her a wayward smile, not really seeming to regret it.

Hagrid signed off the bottom, and Ron got excited all over again as he guessed that Hagrid must want to hear his retelling of Black.

Sirius cocked his head to the side, he didn't really think so honestly, but he wasn't sure what it could be about either.

Lily on the other hand was beaming, more than pleased someone like Hagrid was around just to check up on them and make sure they were okay. She couldn't help but notice how absent Remus had continued to be during this year, surely he could have made an appearance to Harry again about anything, even something as trivial as talking about the next creature in class.

So the time came that they had to sprint past the security trolls,

"Can't honestly blame you," Remus chuckled.

and head down the stairs where they found Hagrid already waiting.

"I can see his point," James snickered a bit, "probably thought they wouldn't wait on him and got there an hour early."

Ron greeted him happily, confirming that Hagrid wanted to hear his account of Black's entrance. Hagrid said no, he'd heard enough about that, and Ron looked rather disappointed.

James looked the exact opposite, more than relieved he wouldn't have to read that all over again.

When they got to Hagrid's place, they found Buckbeak

"Which reminds me," Sirius said, happy for any kind of reason to talk about anything besides himself. "How's that research going on his case?"

Harry's mouth opened with a little pop, then he went bright red in the face.

"Oh, Harry you didn't," Lily moaned as she recognized the shame on his face.

"Err, it was the Firebolt, it err honestly drove Buckbeak right out of my mind, and err-"

"Relax Harry," Remus finally released him from his clearly pent up agitation at himself, "it's not like we blame you for forgetting, honestly I kind of forgot myself until Hagrid wrote you his letter. Fighting with Hermione, Scabbers and that broom, can't really blame you."

Harry still couldn't help but feel insanely guilty, he'd promised Hagrid he would help him and he had let such things drive out a promise to his friend. The others weren't yet sure what to say though, Harry should feel rightfully guilty for this but his actions were understandable for a child his age as well. So they kept silent and hoped Hagrid would have more to say.

on Hagrid's bed, eating some dead ferrets.

Lily crinkled up her nose, still wishing Hagrid would at least feed him that outside.

Looking away from that, Harry instead spotted a truly odd looking suit in Hagrid's size, and asked what the occasion was?

"A really bad and very late costume party I'd hope, but even then it hardly seems fitting," Sirius muttered.

Hagrid explained that it was for his case against the Committee, he'd set up their arrangement with some beds on the Knight Bus,

"I'm sure that'll be a sight for the other occupants," Remus snickered.

and Harry felt a horrible surge of guilt as he realized he'd forgotten all about this.

Harry continued sinking lower into himself the longer this dragged on, continued guilt indeed dragging him around. He was now convinced that if Buckbeak didn't win this case it would be all his fault.

One glance at Ron showed he had done the same, but before they could say anything Hagrid instead said he had something serious to discuss with them.

"Not as serious as I could," Sirius said at once, making James sigh and try to ignore his friend again.

"I swear that joke has popped up more in this book then any others," Remus grumbled with distaste.

When Harry asked what about, Hagrid said Hermione.

That startled all of them, Harry most of all as he'd been expecting Hagrid to tell him off for not helping out more.

Lily began smiling all over again though, relief washing through her as she really did hope now Hagrid was going to straighten these boys out and convince them they were being idiots about how they were treating their friend.

Ron wasn't pleased at the change of topic, but Hagrid told how she'd been down at his place. Ron pointed out that her cat had eaten Scabbers, and Hagrid said back that's just what cats do.

"Thank you," Remus sighed, in full agreement it was high time someone got it through Ron's head he may have been holding a bit too much of a grudge there. No one was arguing he had a right to be mad, but it wasn't something to lose your friendship over.

She'd been crying a bit,

Harry in particular winced horribly at that. He didn't have that many friends really, and now reflecting back on how he had treated her made him feel even worse. Between that and his residual guilt about Hagrid and Buckbeak, he looked so miserable Lily took pity on him and wrapped her arm around him for comfort. Yes, Harry really should feel guilty and she hoped it would teach him a lesson about this in the future, but since it was so clear how he was feeling now she hoped that was just as strong then and decided he was self-punishing enough.

and told them off for how they'd been treating her, making brooms and rats more important than their friend.

James gave Harry a wane smile, more than happy someone had reminded his son of that. He still looked so guilty none of them dared make fun of him for this.

Ron tried to argue back, saying he'd forgive her if she got rid of Crookshanks, but she was still sticking up for him.

"And he shouldn't really blame her," Sirius sighed, "as he'd be doing the same thing if things were reversed."

Hagrid pointed out that people could get a bit blind when it came to their pets, while Buckbeak spit out some bones onto Hagrid's pillow.

"Timing," Lily couldn't help but giggle.

They stayed late at Hagrid's, both boys trying to get in an apology about not helping out more with Buckbeak, which he waved off as he knew how busy they were. They went back to the castle and spotted when the next Hogsmeade trip was going to be. Ron asked Harry if he was still planning on going in?

"Course he's going," James scoffed, "he still hasn't got a reason not to!"

Harry was agreeing he would when Hermione made her appearance, already looking upset at the overheard conversation.

"Somehow, I think that apology they owe her isn't coming," Sirius sighed as he had a very bad feeling that yet another fight was fixing to break out instead.

She threatened that if Harry went again, she'd tell McGonagall about his map.

"What?" They all snapped.

"Damn Hermione, that's taking it too far," James scowled.

Lily sighed, she really wanted to agree that Hermione was being overtly paranoid, but decided enough was enough and put her foot down and truly defended her this time. "Alright you lot," she snapped before anyone else could say anything. "I'm sorry Sirius, but think about this from her position for a second. You've just gotten into the common rooms, the most secure part of the castle, you can't really sit around and blame her for being worried about Harry being so exposed in the open now. If it was anyone but you, you'd all agree Harry should stay in the castle where it's safe as well."

The boys hesitated before sighing and admitting that fine. The point was they weren't afraid of anything bad happening so they were looking at it another way, but decided harping on Hermione wasn't going to help.

Ron pretended he hadn't even heard.

"Harsh," Remus muttered with a wince.

Hermione still tried, saying Ron was being an idiot after Black had nearly killed him, and she was going to tattle if they didn't stop! Ron jumped that she was going to get Harry kicked out of school!

"They sure toss that word around a lot," James sighed, "but if we got expelled every time we'd snuck out of the castle we'd have set some sort of record by the end of first year."

"I still wouldn't want to get into trouble," Harry reminded, "nor would I want to be asked how I'd gotten in and out."

Hermione wasn't going to back down, until her cat jumped on her lap. Hermione froze up, before scooping him into her arms and bolting upstairs.

"Almost a good thing," Sirius couldn't help but sigh, "that conversation just couldn't have ended well."

Ron kept going like Hermione had never been there, pointing out that Harry hadn't even gotten to see Zonko's last time.

"An actual crime against your age," James nodded seriously.

Harry agreed he'd still go, but he was taking the Cloak.

"Glad you learned that lesson," Sirius approved.

The next morning Harry made it as clear as possible he was waving goodbye to Ron and heading back to the tower with a watchful Hermione's eyes on him.

"You gotten any better at that," Remus snickered, "because you still don't have a very good poker face."

"I've no idea if it fooled her," Harry said with a shrug, dearly hoping it had as he didn't really want to get caught or told on.

He called out a last farewell to Ron, who winked as he passed.

"Subtle," Sirius snorted.

He made to sneak away and go to the statue, when he ran into Neville.

"Damn," they couldn't help but curse, finding that some pretty bad timing.

"Don't suppose you'll just invite him," Remus sighed without any real hope.

"I doubt it," Harry shook his head.

He spotted Harry and said he'd forgotten Harry couldn't go to Hogsmeade either.

"I kind of want to know what he was even doing around there," James sighed, it wasn't a place students normally visited without knowledge of where they were going, especially on off days.

Then he offered to play a game with Harry, who quickly lied and said he had a homework assignment over vampires for Lupin due.

"Jeesh Remus, you know you really could go a lesson without assigning homework," Sirius sighed.

"At least it wasn't two rolls of parchment," Harry smirked.

Neville eagerly asked to join, saying he hadn't finished his either.

"I feel so bad for Neville," Lily frowned, "he obviously wants someone to hang out with. Would it really kill you to let Ron alone for the day and be with him."

Harry winced in sympathy. At the time he'd been absolutely focused on getting into Hogsmeade to be with his friend, he'd not even stopped to consider how Neville must be feeling at the time. If he sat around and thought about it now, he probably would go back and just stay with Neville for the day.

Harry had to quickly rethink and say he had in fact finished that essay.

"You're lying has actually managed to get increasingly worse as time goes on," James snickered.

Neville then asked if Harry could instead help him, unclear on the garlic thing and if they had to eat it or what?

"Tsk tsk Remus, how could you not have covered that in class," Sirius mock scolded.

Remus ignored him and turned to Harry, asking, "did you already do your essay?"

"I'd started it," Harry said evasively, most likely meaning he'd written his name on a sheaf of parchment.

Chuckling Remus then said, "well in answer, it only has to be around them to affect them, in fact getting a vampire to eat garlic would be a miracle even if it would kill them."

Harry didn't get a chance to answer as Snape arrived.

"Oh bloody hell," the boys muttered, automatically annoyed whenever he showed up for any reason.

Neville took a step behind Harry.

Lily scowled all over again, her hatred for that reminder never not making her want to get to her feet and give him more than a telling off.

Snape glared at the two, asking why they'd met there? Then his eyes flickered to the statue.

"You know, he did catch us meeting up there quite a bit," James nodded in remembrance, "I can't really say I'm surprised if he's suspicious."

"Still a paranoid arse," Sirius scowled.

Harry tried to say that they weren't meeting there on purpose, they'd just met there.

"Yes, I'm so sure he believed that clarification," Remus snorted.

Snape clearly didn't buy it, telling Harry he tended to be in places he wasn't supposed to.

"As far as he's concerned," Lily scowled, "when have you ever really been anywhere you aren't supposed to be?" She didn't really think he was referring to all of his crazy stunts he'd pulled during last year and the year before, as he probably didn't know much about those then the barest of facts, so his claim was still pretty biased.

"Like that's ever stopped him making snide comments," James huffed.

Then he told them both to get back to their common room.

Harry rolled his eyes that time, growing quite tired of constantly being told he was supposed to spend every waking moment in that tower instead of roaming the castle like every other student.

The two boys walked off, Harry glancing back to find Snape running his hand over the statue's head.

"Like he'll figure it out," Sirius said with confidence. It had taken them doing a favor for one of the paintings just to get a hint, no way could Snape really know.

Harry finally got rid of Neville as he lied and said he'd left his homework in the Library, giving him the password before running off.

"That'll work," Remus sighed, still half wishing Harry would have told him and brought him along, having noted for quite some time it never really mentioned Neville hanging out with any of his friends, but knowing by now it wasn't worth bringing it up to Harry. It seemed all the more harsh since Harry wouldn't be back for hours, and Neville would just feel dumped.

Harry pulled out his map and found Snape down in his office.

"Wish he wouldn't come out of there, ever," Sirius huffed.

He quickly made his way through the proper channels and finished his route to the cellar.

"He's already such a pro," James gave a satisfied sigh, pretending to wipe a proud tear away, though the feeling itself was real.

When he did get there, he had to explain to Ron in a whisper from under the cloak that he'd been held up by Snape. The journey was confusing for Ron as they left the shop, as he constantly whispered where Harry was?

"A fair question," Remus snickered, a few occasions coming to mind of when they'd done something similar, though normally it was for a set up to a prank.

"Though not recommended, otherwise people are going to wonder why you're talking to yourself," Sirius snorted.

They went inside Zonko's,

"One of the most important shops in there," James nodded seriously.

where they found uncountable prank items that would make Fred and George turn green with envy,

"Wouldn't surprise me if they have that store completely memorized," Sirius chuckled.

and each bought a set of items.

"Completely worth it then," Remus agreed.

Then they made their way to the back of the village, towards the Shrieking Shack.

All three boys now had nostalgic smiles creeping across their faces, having spent so many long hours in that place it almost felt as much a home to them as Hogwarts itself.

They got to the top and Ron explained that even the schools ghosts didn't go in there.

"I'm fairly sure that's because Dumbledore asked them not to, once I started hanging around in there," Remus shrugged, "added to the fear factor."

Ron had even heard Fred and George had tried to break in, but couldn't get past any of the windows or doors.

"All the visible ones," Sirius smirked.

"I don't know why they tried," Lily rolled her eyes, "what do they think they're going to find in there?"

"That's the fun of it," James explained, "finding out."

Harry was starting to feel a little stuffy under his cloak, and was just considering taking it off for some air when they heard approaching voices.

"Typical," Remus rolled his eyes.

They didn't have to wait long to find Malfoy,

"Gah," Sirius ground out in frustration, "what the bloody hell is with their rotten timing."

and his two friends coming up, talking loudly about how Malfoy's dad should be sending him a letter soon telling how the trail went their way, and he'd been there to testify on his son's behalf for not having his arm for months.

Sirius scowled and grumbled something, still unable to believe anyone could be so intent on getting one guy in so much trouble. What had Hagrid ever done to this kid?

Crabbe and Goyle laughed.

"Trollishly, with absolutely no brains of their own," James continued as if reading that.

"No need for that James, we already knew it," Lily smirked.

Malfoy was lamenting he wished he could have been there in person to watch Hagrid defend him,

"Wish your arse would get expelled for starting this mess," Remus scowled.

when he saw Ron and grinned.

"Well this can't be good," Lily's frown deepened as she assessed this situation. Malfoy thought Ron was up there on his own, and if Harry helped him he'd most likely get caught. This could cause a huge mess.

He laughed when he saw what Ron was looking at, declaring that the old shack looked like a palace compared to the box his family must live in.

Harry ground his teeth together in frustration, dearly hoping he used the opportunity he had in 0hand to get some well-deserved revenge on Malfoy.

Ron looked like he was going to go at Malfoy, but Harry grabbed him,

"Do you ever let your friend have any fun?" Sirius demanded with a pout.

"I'm with Sirius on this one," Remus scoffed in agitation, "he deserves anything Ron would do for that comment."

Harry looked at his mother, expecting her to say something, but she simply shrugged and said, "I'd rather you not get in trouble for what I know you're about to do, but so long as you're not expelled, I agree. It'll be worth it."

James laughed boisterously, nearly bouncing in place at what this could mean.

and whispered to him that he'd deal with it.

"Yes!" All of the boys cheered, more than pleased at the opportunity's this could have.

Harry began sneaking around behind them, eyes on a puddle of mud.

Sirius was practically vibrating in place he was stifling his laughter so much. Harry wasn't even using a spell, which gave him all the more deniability.

As Malfoy continued to mock Ron, Harry scooped up a bit, and chucked with perfect aim as the brown goop landed in Malfoy's hair.

James had to stop reading for several minutes, he was too busy catching his breath back with laughter. This little brat had deserved some retribution for so long now, that this visual image was one he knew he'd treasure for as long as possible. He only kept going because he recognized there was still potential mayhem to come.

Malfoy spun around, demanding to know who'd done that,

"Karma," Lily smirked.

while Ron tried to keep himself upright while voicing how haunted he'd heard this place was.

Remus almost fell off the couch laughing at Ron's very appropriate comment.

Crabbe and Goyle were looking very unsure now, knowing their muscles wouldn't do any good against ghosts.

"Not much use at all really," Sirius said brightly, since neither moron would find their target with Harry keeping the cloak on.

Harry was still busy though, instead walking around towards a puddle of green sludge, and throwing that towards the bullies.

Lily had to keep her hand firmly in lock around her mouth to try and muffle her giggling at the mental image of all of this, while the boys weren't even trying so it was getting kind of hard to hear the rest, which only made James read louder.

The other two got some in the face that time as Malfoy snapped he'd seen it coming from half a dozen feet away from where Harry really was.

Remus tried to make a comment, but he was still laughing to hard and couldn't suck in the air to do so.

Crabbe tried to blunder forward, arms outstretched, but Harry whacked him with a stick forcing him to do a pirouette.

"You're killing me," Sirius wheezed, not looking any kind of upset if this was how he was to go.

Goyle instead tried to turn at Ron,

Lily couldn't help but wince now, she hadn't seen that coming, but didn't even bother to linger on it as she knew Harry wouldn't let his friend get hurt by that thug.

and Harry cut him off by sticking out his leg, which the brute managed to catch the hem of his cloak as he fell.

"Bollocks," the four boys suddenly hissed, most traces of amusement starting to disappear at once. They really couldn't go just one chapter with pure amusement could they?

The cloak almost fell free, revealing Harry's head. Malfoy just stood there for a second, staring,

"Well it was fun while it lasted," James groaned, sinking back into his seat and closing his eyes for a moment, imagining all the horrible outcomes this could cause, before reading on in a grave tone now as he, naively he was sure, hoped nothing to bad would happen because of this.

before screaming,

Remus still couldn't help a lingering snicker at that. Of all the reactions he could have had, screaming in fright like that had to be his favorite.

and running for it with his friends on his heels.

"Well that was fun," Sirius still had a small smile in place. "Don't suppose you can do it again some time."

"I hope so," Harry laughed, his joy at getting his payback to those bullies making up for any punishment he may get. He couldn't really put a finger on it, but he got the feeling whatever punishment it was, wasn't even too bad.

Ron was telling Harry he'd better get back before Malfoy tells what he'd seen.

"Not like anyone would believe him," Lily said without any real hope. One teacher in particular came to mind who would believe anything Malfoy says, and would love to get Harry into trouble.

"As far as they know, Harry has no way to get there. They would think Malfoy was making something up to get Harry into trouble."

"Any other teacher would believe that," James grumbled, knowing the anxious tones in Lily's voice meant she was thinking of Snape being the only exception to that, just like they were.

Harry agreed and called he'd meet up with him later,

"Not even a compliment on how brilliant that was," Sirius sighed, though he personally understood the need for urgency now. Ron could give congratulations later in private.

and ran back to Honeydukes, worrying if Malfoy would believe what he'd just seen.

"Most likely. I'll doubt he's known for his imagination," Remus grumbled.

If he'd tell anyone?

"I can think of one," Harry huffed.

No one knew he had the cloak, except Dumbledore.

"Uhoh," all five of them muttered, having honestly forgotten about that. It was true though, if Snape took this to Dumbledore like he surely would, would the headmaster do something against Harry? Would he take away his cloak even?

Harry was racing along, trying to get back to the castle, wondering how long it would take Malfoy to come across a teacher?

"Not long," Sirius scowled, "since the little brat's probably got the way memorized, all the time he's snitched on other kids."

He reached the end of the tunnel and tucked his cloak away into a corner still inside, deciding if he did get caught he didn't want that to be on him.

"Very good thinking," James praised. If Harry didn't have that on him, even Dumbledore couldn't really prove what Harry had done. Maybe he really would get away with this!

Then he scrambled out and tried to put on an innocent face as he heard someone heading his way.

"Bloody hell," Remus groaned, "couldn't even make it back to the dormitory."

It was Snape.

"Oh for the love of Merlin!" Sirius cried in exasperation. "Him! Why would he even go there first, that's not even on the way to Gryffindor tower!"

"Suspicious, nosy, paranoid, git-" James kept grumbling under his breath, and probably would have kept going if Sirius didn't nudge him and say, "and many more mate, but keep going."

Sighing in resignation, James accepted.

Harry did his best to look casual, which may not have been working to well with his red face, which could have been why Snape greeted him with a 'so.'

"So what?" Remus snipped quietly.

He looked quite pleased as he glared down at Harry, who shoved his mud covered hands inside his pocket.

Lily face palmed, not even needing to point out how ineffective that really was.

He told Harry to follow him, while Harry was trying to wipe his hands clean inside his pockets.

"Good luck with that," James sighed without any confidence. He was still trying to console himself that this would have to be taken up with McGonagall before something too bad could be done, and she wouldn't do anything that couldn't be proven. James was confident that she actually couldn't prove he'd snuck into Hogsmeade, so aside from maybe some house points being taken away by Snape for, well being Snape, nothing too bad should happen.

They went to Snape's office,

Lily ground her teeth together in frustration, more than sick of him trying to dole out punishment for Harry when he didn't have anything to do with him.

which Harry had only been in once before when he'd been in serious trouble.

"Well I am always in trouble, but why would you bring it up now," Sirius quipped, smirking wildly and at least making Harry laugh, who hadn't heard the never ending array that joke could be used. Not yet. Give it till the end of his seventh year, maybe by then.

He noticed Snape had gotten his hands on a few more jars filled with things.

"One's probably his own heart," Remus hissed into Sirius' ear.

"He'd have to have one first," Sirius muttered right back, trying to suppress a snicker.

Snape closed the door and told Harry to sit, which he did.

Sirius scowled with the height of distaste, a horrible dog joke coming to mind that made him want to strangle Snivellus all over again.

Snape began by saying that Malfoy had come to him with an odd tale, how he'd been minding his own business out in Hogsmeade when he'd come across Ron, seemingly on his own. Harry said nothing.

"Best recommendation at this point," Lily agreed, rubbing her brows in preparation for what could come.

Then Mr. Malfoy had been having a pleasant chat with Weasley,

Remus couldn't help but grind his teeth in frustration at this continued and obvious favoritism, even in the way he addressed the students.

"A chat," Sirius scoffed in disgust, but James didn't even bother since they were all aware of what a load of bull that was.

when he'd seen something odd. Harry tried to look surprised,

"I get the feeling you could be a prize winning actor and you couldn't convince him of that look," James sighed.

and Snape began glaring at Harry meeting his eyes. Harry tried not to blink, remembering his hippogriff lesson.

"Not a bad comparison, though I still favor the hippogriff," Sirius nodded in agreement.

Then Snape continued that Malfoy had seen Harry's head. Harry tried to put some concern in his voice that maybe he should go up to the hospital wing if Malfoy was seeing things-

The three boys on the couch lost it, cracking up with unrestrained laughter at Harry's attempts to play that off. Lily couldn't help a twitching smile as well, snickers coming through as she really did picture this from some other teachers point of view and how that would sound.

James was quick to get his breath back though, knowing that if Harry could keep this up in front of Snape, he should get out from McGonagall in no time, and just be more careful the next time he went out. Also he realized he owed Harry an apology, that was a beautiful on the spot fib.

Snape cut him off by saying that Harry's head wasn't allowed out there, no part of his body was.

"I didn't know the form was body part specific," Remus was still chuckling in between bits of speech, "maybe someone should specify that."

Harry agreed he was aware, and again voiced Malfoy should be checked if he was having hallucinations. Snape cut him off again, telling him that Malfoy was not the one with the problem as he leaned down into Harry's face.

That dried up most of their humor, each of them scowling at the threat that he needed to back up now on the tip of all of their tongues. He had no right to be getting in Harry's face like that! His bully like behavior was getting progressively worse as the years wore on, and it was ripping at every one of their nerves.

Telling Harry that if his head had been in there, so was the rest of him.

"Now that's just a tad presumptuous," Sirius defended halfheartedly, trying for a smile he no longer felt.

Harry deflected he'd been up in his common room, and Snape demanded if anyone could back that up.

James quickly snapped his mouth shut with worry, his mind quickly flickering to Neville and wondering if he could possibly be convinced to lie for Harry for this very important matter... there was a chink he hadn't thought of. Glancing up at his son, he comforted himself that he still didn't think any of this was bad enough for expulsion. After all they'd been caught out all the time, so there really was no way it would go that far bad. With that slightly comforting thought he kept going.

Harry didn't answer, causing Snape to smile.

"Didn't even know he could form that," Sirius hissed.

He was almost pleased now as he taunted Harry that despite the whole world out there trying to protect famous Harry Potter from Sirius Black, the boy was going to do what he wanted and be damned what came of it.

Lily opened and closed her mouth several times in outrage, so many insults welling up she didn't know where to start! The very first of which was 'stop treating him like James!' While an outsider may be able to see the point Snape was making, his opinion he'd just foisted was completely biased! The other boys were muttering their own foulings, but James was far too used to this kind of thing, no matter how enraged it made him to hear it being thrown at his son, so he forced himself to keep going, wanting to find out the punishment already.

Harry still said nothing, knowing Snape couldn't prove anything.

"There's the bright side," Remus sighed.

Snape was still goading Harry, telling him how much like his father he was.

James gave a wane smile, looking over to his spitting image and stating, "to be perfectly honest, I actually find more of your mother's spirit in you then me, looks aside obviously."

Lily giggled a bit, not at all disagreeing with that statement. Sirius and Remus exchanged a look before shrugging, agreeing out loud with that. Harry clearly did have his father's knack for causing trouble, though not nearly in the same way. In fact if they did pile it up, Harry was a lot like Lily in her school days. Maybe that was what was pissing Snape off more than anything.

How exceedingly arrogant a man James Potter had been,

"Exceedingly is a bit much-" James began, but one snort of disbelief from his wife and James slunk back to the book with only a semichasted look.

how just a bit of prows at the game of Quidditch,

"Now that was just rude," Sirius grumbled, completely ignoring Lily's now rolling eyes.

had made him think he was better than anyone as well. He could always be seen strutting about the castle to his many fans, and just how much Harry truly acted like this.

Remus was torn between wanting to laugh in remembrance of the many times he could count James acting like a loon in front of his peers, what he thought Snape meant, and wanting to defend his friend, so he was left with an odd expression which the others ignored.

Harry snapped back that his dad never strutted!

"Oh yes he did," Lily rolled her eyes with far more affection than her husband ever would have believed coloring her tone in speaking of this. Harry looked mildly startled, but she was still going "but to his credit, his arrogance started to wain out, something I don't think Snape ever noticed."

"At least you did," James smiled over at her, earning a bright curl of the lips right back.

And neither did he!

"Now that I absolutely believe," Sirius agreed.

Snape was getting more pleased now at clearly having pushed Harry's buttons, telling how James Potter had never given anyone who wasn't a Quidditch winner so much as a glance, his head was so big- Harry lost his temper and told him to shut up!

While James had looked mildly annoyed while reading this, it was hardly the most insulting thing he'd ever heard come from this guy's mouth. No, the worst part was him saying this to his son!

Harry didn't know a thing about him, this definitely wasn't some of the things he'd like being boasted around. He kept it bottled up though, pride and glee cracking through when Harry finally cracked and said what needed saying.

Harry was on his feet now, just as angry then as he'd been back on Marge's incident on Private Drive.

"People are taking a lot of shots at you this year aren't they," Sirius grimaced in disgust.

"Least Harry keeps them in their place," Remus pacified.

Harry was honestly surprised, they didn't seem nearly as upset about this as they had that previous chapter, but then he realized that they probably heard this type of thing so often from Snape that it just rolled off of them. Coming from someone like Marge had hurt far worse because of the terrible way she'd slammed it into Harry without ever having even met him.

Snape's hand twitched towards his pocket.

Lily made a 'tch' noise of disbelief, knowing he wouldn't dare raise a wand to her son, or he'd lose that whole arm. Besides, he definitely deserved that one.

Harry didn't back down though, repeating that Snape needed to shut up about his dad! Dumbledore had told him the truth, about how his dad had saved Snape's life.

All three boys twitched with discomfort at that unfriendly reminder, and Harry frowned in confusion. Of course he remembered that coming up during the first book, and how they'd managed to hedge around the question, never having gotten the full story. What about it could be so bad that the three of them looked almost as bad as when he'd thrown that in Snape's face?

James looked the opposite of eager about explaining this, and hoping to forestall Harry asking, kept reading in hopes something else would distract him.

Snape scowled, demanding to know if Dumbledore had told him the whole story? Harry hesitated, and it was enough of an answer for Snape to continue.

James face twisted with even more unease, this was the opposite of what he'd been hoping for. What could he do though? Either he turn and tell Harry now about the worst fight the Marauders ever had, or he let Snape come up with some half-truth that he would have seen which would paint a far more horrible light.

He was still debating, dearly wanting to put this off, when Sirius released a horrible suffering sigh and groaned, "alright, alright. This is something I never wanted you to hear, but I guess I'd rather it come from me then him."

Harry was frowning in genuine concern at Sirius as he started to explain what exactly had happened that night. Starting with how he'd taunted Snape by telling him Remus' secret location under the Whomping Willow and how everything had spiraled out of control from there. He left out the part where his friends had blamed him as much as Snape for the cruel prank, how they hadn't spoken to him for months afterwards. He didn't bother with the defenses he'd used back then, how he'd never have believed Snape would take him at his word and really go check it out, no he wouldn't try and save face so many years later in front of Harry.

Once he was done he braced himself, eyeing Harry with more fear than any of them could ever imagine could cross his face. Sirius couldn't help it though, he honestly was expecting for Harry to have a sudden revelation. Now that he realized he was capable of murder, whether unintentionally or not, could this possibly jog Harry's memories? Make him remember something that would connect what the Ministry was saying about him in his own time? He'd seemed adamant so far, but...

"So, it was an accident," Harry confirmed, watching him critically. At the stunned look on his Godfather's face, Harry's relaxed into his more natural easy going look and continued, "err, at least, well I understand you'd never do anything like that on purpose. Sure it was dumb, but I can hardly judge and say I've never done something that bad before."

"You've hardly sent Ron into the den of one of your best friends the night he was to turn into a werewolf," Sirius rebutted, still looking like he was sitting on a hot seat. James elbowed him, hard, making Sirius slink away from him and rub at his side absently.

Remus was quick to say, "knock it off Sirius, this is something long over. Harry's decided the same thing we did, err, in the end." He finished lamely, not really meeting anyone's eyes.

Lily was watching all of them with general mixed feelings. She vividly remembered the time in school where four Marauders became three for quite a few months. This had happened a few days after she'd officially stopped talking to Snape, so she hadn't really known anyone who even had the slightest idea why this could be. All she knew was that after that terrible Quidditch game where Sirius had been knocked out of the air, things seemed to have patched up between the lot. She found it fascinating to finally get the full story on this, but kept her opinion of it to herself since it was basically the same as Harry's.

Sirius still looked miserable at the reminder, James and Remus very uncomfortable with the whole topic, though both of them still clearly defending him made it clear they didn't really hold a grudge anymore. Still, when Harry didn't say anything else, James decided to turn to the book and managed to read out whatever tosh Snape had strung together from that.

Telling how James Potter had not been a saint in saving Snape's life, but was out there for his own skin. How he and his friends had tried to pull a joke on him, and he would have died if James hadn't chickened out before they could go through with it. Of course they had backed out because they hadn't wanted to get expelled.

"Is that what he thought?" Sirius muttered, still slumped into the couch and looking as surely as any other time his name had been mentioned so far, this possibly being the least pleasant reminder to date! James absently kicked him to get him to shut it, still wanting to get past this as fast as possible.

Then Snape switched tactics and told Harry to empty his pockets.

"Still doesn't prove a thing," Remus muttered.

Harry hesitated, and Snape said that if he didn't they'd go up to Dumbledore.

"Honestly I think we'd all prefer that," Lily groused.

Harry did, revealing his bag of Zonko's treats and the blank map. Snape picked up the Zonko's bag, and Harry quickly said Ron had given that to him from the last time he'd been there.

"You've gotten so much better at those on the spot type lies," James praised with warmth, ignoring Lily's rolling eyes at thinking the same thing.

Snape sneered that Harry had kept them on him this whole time?

"Okay, getting caught with them is still kind of bad," Remus agreed with a wince as they could possibly implicate Harry in some other bad things, "but it's still not proof he'd been to Hogsmeade."

Then he picked up the map, and Harry quickly said that was just some spare parchment.

Snape wasn't impressed, saying it looked so old they may as well throw it out.

"Why would he?" Sirius demanded, finally distracted enough to look grumpy at this particular subject now. "Is he baiting Harry, it's not like he could know what that was."

"That's all I can think of," James agreed.

He went to toss it into the fire, and Harry shouted at him to stop. Snape was obviously pleased now, asking if this was yet another gift from his friend?

"Yes," Remus said, his eyes lighting up with glee all of a sudden. "If Harry goes with that, or if Snape doesn't believe him and tries for himself," he trailed off with a surprising burst of laughter that left Harry and Lily stumped. James looked quite pleased though, and seemed to be hoping something along the same lines. He didn't give the two out of the know the chance to ask though.

Then he speculated what else it could be, like some secret way to get into Hogsmeade that didn't involve traveling past dementors.

"Actually, he's not too far off," Lily muttered.

When Harry didn't answer, Snape pulled out his wand and tapped the parchment, telling it to reveal its secrets.

James lost it for a moment, forced to stop reading so that he could let out his own bursting laughter in anticipation for what was about to happen. Sirius and Remus weren't fairing much better, their faces bright red with anticipation for this. James wrangled himself back under control and continued almost normally.

Nothing happened, and Harry had to remind himself to keep breathing.

Lily's curiosity was beginning to wane out as she said, "are you lot really laughing like idiots because he can't get it to work? That's hardly so funny."

"Wait for it," James insisted, his eyes shining with so much held in laughter it was a wonder he could still see straight.

Then Snape instead said his full name and false title as ruler of this school for this object to tell what it knew while hitting it with his wand again.

"Yes!" Sirius cheered, that had been exactly what they'd been waiting for! Harry didn't bother to ask this time, but instead bounced eagerly so he could hear the punchline of this built up joke as well.

Finally something did happen, and the map activated, but not in the usual way. Instead words were appearing like someone was writing it down, and it said 'Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.'

All of the boys lost it, Sirius even falling off the couch laughing and still unable to stop himself. Lily was watching them with a combination of annoyance and repressed humor. She dearly wanted to ask if they'd somehow specialized this just for Snape, but somehow expected otherwise. She remembered one memorable occasion where a Ravenclaw had come across some old scrap of parchment Peter had been holding, and the then Head Boy had demanded to know what it was. When Peter had said nothing, the boy had rightfully not believed that having prior experience with all of the Marauders, and took it away and performed a similar command on the paper. Lily had never seen what had become of all this, but the boy had looked highly offended, and Peter was cracking up laughing while telling that it was a joke bit of parchment where if you said your name, it was charmed to insult you. With this memory floating back to the surface, she could no longer repress it and was laughing downy near as hard as the others, even as James sucked air back into his lungs and read out the next bit.

Both Harry and Snape froze up, but more words continued appearing: 'Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.'

Sirius hadn't recovered from the first comment, and was remarkably able to double up his amusement, though how that was possible none of them had been sure. Maybe it was an overreaction, it really wasn't even that funny or creative an insult, but they all had the sneaking suspicion that Sirius had been under so much stress for literally all day now, he was letting loose a lot of pent up feelings in releasing as much laughter as possible in these opportune moments now, so still snickering along himself, James kept reading.

Harry may have laughed if this wasn't such a serious situation.

Sirius couldn't have made the joke right now even if he wanted to, he was too invested in continuing to listen to his most prized possession insult someone in the most poetic of justice ways possible.

The map was still going, the next one saying: 'Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.'

"My sentiments exactly," Remus agreed fondly, still watching Sirius come back to earth just slightly as his exploding laughter began backing down in cackling, still rubbing at his ribs and brushing tears out of his eyes as he listened to the final one.

The map finished its final words with: 'Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.'

"That," Harry told them, slightly red in the face himself from laughing so hard, "was bloody brilliant. How on earth did you get it to do that?"

"Charm wasn't that hard," Remus waved away, "all you have to do is command it to obey you while stating your name and those kinds of things will pop up."

"The reason Padfoot here lost his arse during it," James continued while looking down at his friend with all the amusement he had, "is that he tried to convince us for ages to pull this on him during school. Just leave it about one day and Snape was sure to do it, the pompous git would never not if he knew it belonged to us. He's now getting to witness a prank we'd never done."

"And enjoying every last second of it," Sirius murmured, face flushed with excitement as he sat upright and looked at the book with the first real affection. This was still the worst possible day of his life hands down, but that little moment right there had almost made it all worth it.

In between girlish giggles, Lily managed to get out, "well I hope that convinces Snape enough that you haven't been up to anything. You could have just as easily gotten that from Zonko's along with the other stuff Ron got you."

James really hoped that were the case, as he didn't have any more to go at Harry with.

Snape huffed and stalked over to his fire, tossing some green powder into it.

"What on earth?" Sirius began in surprise, having not seen this coming one bit, but James wasn't giving him the chance to question it too much as he read.

Then he spoke into the flames, calling for Lupin to come to his office.

"Why!?" Lily spluttered in shock. Of all the teachers for him to have summoned and consult, why him?

"Do you think he knew?" Remus asked curiously. "That it used to be mine? I really didn't think he'd recognize it."

"Well he did stalk us enough," James said with a perturbed look, "but even if he did put that together, and bloody hell that's a leap since he'd have no way of knowing how Harry got that, that it was the exact same one even, what's he expect you to do? Admit to it all? You don't even know Harry has it."

They were all stumped beyond reason of Snape's logic with this, but hoped that reading would help them out.

Said Professor appeared, stepping out of the fire and dusting off the soot and looking around in confusion.

"Bet I was every bit as confused by that summons," Remus told, still finding it odd now with the proper backstory.

Lupin asked why he was here in a mild tone.

"Be happy that was mild rather than blistering," Lily muttered into Harry's ear, who nodded despite not having needed that, he now understood better than ever the animosity between his family and Snape.

Snape agreed he had while going back to his desk, looking more furious than ever.

'Pretty sure that's not all for Harry's circumstances' James mentally grumbled, imagining Snape might have summoned Remus just to have a little more time to berate him in front of Harry.

He explained Harry's circumstances and pointed out the map, and Lupin's face closed off.

"I can only imagine," Remus laughed for now, fairly sure how mind boggling he'd be at Harry coming across that on his own.

Snape had to prompt him to speak, and Harry got the feeling Lupin was having to think fast.

"You choose now to freeze up eh?" Sirius demanded with a crooked smirk, since he was normally the one to come up with the best excuses of the lot of them.

"I'd like to see you do one better with this," Remus shot right back, even now scrambling for a reason Harry would have this, while pressing past the shock of him having it, and probably having to skip over several bumpy memories in the process of shock.

Snape spoke up again, saying how this bit of paper clearly held Dark Magic.

Lily gave a derisive snort of mirth as she mocked, "oh please, it insulted him, it didn't curse him. When did he become so dramatic?"

None of the boy's fancied adding on to that, torn between wanting to laugh and fearing anything they did say Lily still wouldn't be pleased with no matter what she said now.

Lupin looked to Harry then, warning him to keep silent.

"I would have without the look," Harry shrugged, "I was as wound up as you trying to come up with some way out of this."

Then he began that Dark Magic was a bit much, it was obviously just a bit of parchment that insulted you.

"I'd take his word on this," James said with a straight face, "call me crazy, but for some odd reason I think he knows what he's talking about."

Sirius began snickering again, and Remus didn't look much better.

He admitted it was childish,

"Oi," Sirius hooted in protest, "this was my idea!"

"And I called it childish then to," Remus reminded with a smirk in place.

but most likely just a mild prank. Snape looked even more angry now.

"What did he expect?" Lily rolled her eyes in contempt. "Did he honestly think you were going to side with him, try and get Harry into trouble for this?"

"Still have no idea," Harry sighed.

Snape insisted that he thought Harry had gotten it from the manufacturers.

That stopped James cold, sharing a stunned look with his friends as they realized they may have been wrong, and Snape really had made that leap. Harry understood far better now than he would have then, asking, "why on earth would he think one of you had given it to me?"

"I've no idea," Sirius admitted, head cocked to the side as he eyed the book, "guess he does know it was ours, maybe the nicknames or something gave it away, but what is he thinking? I gave it to you? There's no way you'd have accepted it considering what you think of me then-" he covered the horrible wince poorly, but kept going anyways. "That means he either thinks you inherited it from James, or Remus gave it to you just this year."

"While I can kind of see him thinking I'd do it," Remus shrugged, "why would he call me in to ask? Even if I had, what's it to him if I did, it's not illegal."

"Trying to trip you up maybe," James offered, "showing special treatment to Harry. As for him getting it from me, that could also be true, he hasn't caught Harry with it the previous two years so for all he knows..." he trailed off, but no one had any real idea what Snape was really thinking.

Even Lily felt stumped trying to understand his logic in this, though this stung far more than she was expecting it to. There was a time where she had perfectly understood her best friends every motion and idea before he said it, now she couldn't begin to fathom this one. It was more than disconcerting to realize how far apart they'd come, no matter how many times she realized it.

With no answers, James was hoping Remus might have some better insight while talking to Snape so read.

Harry had no idea what that could mean, and Lupin didn't seem to either.

"Well if there's one thing he can do, it's play dumb," Sirius agreed with a smirk, taking the smack Remus gave him for the tone without remorse.

He tried to laugh it off, referring to the Mr. Wormtail.

Remus' face gave an odd twitch, guessing that having to say any of those names in this time period would have been pretty wrenching for him.

Then he asked Harry if he knew any of those people. Harry said he didn't, and Lupin looked like the matter was settled as he decided it was probably just a Zonko gift. Ron came sprinting in then.

"Timing!" Sirius cried with glee, Harry's best friend getting major brownie points with him if he stormed in and backed all of this up like he hoped.

He was red faced and doubled over from panting,

"Well that's not an encouraging start," Lily groaned, eying the book with fear as she realized what Snape would have, why would he be so out of breath and freaking out if Harry wasn't supposed to be in trouble?

but quickly said that he'd given Harry all of that stuff.

"I'm so proud," James fake sniffled, using the corner of the page to pretend to wipe away a tear, while real pride was welling up in him for Ron cottoning on and being the perfect alibi right when Harry needed him.

Lupin looked all too happy now as he brushed his hands together,

"I'm positive it was taking everything in me not to burst out laughing at that display," Remus snickered now.

and decided that was that. He picked the map back up and put it inside his own coat.

"Thank Merlin," Sirius breathed, having feared Snape might still try to confiscate that and keep it away from Harry, but then his eyes lit up all over again as he crowed, "oh sweet! Do you lot know what this could mean?"

"Harry and Ron get to go rub it in the twins face they got away with this," James answered.

"Well that to," Sirius agreed, before turning on Remus and nearly bouncing in pleasure as he said, "but, this could be your window! You've been stalling all this time probably because of how weird it would be for you to get started explaining this to him, but this could be perfect for you! Pulling him aside and explaining the manufacturing comment to Harry."

His eyes were shining with so much bright hope and happiness, Remus didn't have the heart to tell him that he doubted this as much as Sirius thought it to be true. He'd made it perfectly obvious in this future he wanted as little to do with Harry as possible, which made him feel like he was being skinned alive now, but it had been so long since he'd seen Sirius back to full jubilant life he only nodded and added his agreement he hoped this to be true, while bracing himself by leaning away in preparation for the opposite.

The other three noticed what Sirius refused to take note of, and were all equally torn at both possibilities. James couldn't think of anything to say though, deciding not to address it until after whatever happened.

He called Harry and Ron after him, saying he wanted to ask something about the homework he'd assigned them.

"Subtle," Lily muttered under her breath, though not loud enough to interrupt as she was just as eager as anyone for Remus blatantly pulling Harry aside, a good start.

He led them up to the main entrance, but before Harry could say anything Lupin cut in that he didn't want to hear it, he knew for a fact that the map had been taken by Filch years ago.

"What a way to start," Sirius cackled, ignoring the growing ache when he realized that they hadn't exactly gone somewhere more private like this chat deserved.

He said he knew quite well it was a map at Harry and Ron's shocked faces.

"You really threw us off right then," Harry shrugged with a happy smile, "I later made the joke you were better at predictions then Trelawney."

"Nah," James laughed, "just more insight."

He wasn't going to ask how he'd found it,

"Really though, I think I would have been more than impressed at the turn of events," Remus gave a wane smile, all the while shriveling up on the inside as it was more than obvious his tone was scolding and not nearly as approachable as he'd been hoping for.

Sirius was the only one who was holding out hope how this could turn around.

but he was shocked that Harry hadn't handed it in after the last bit of paper that allowed someone to get into the castle.

"Ouch," Lily winced, finding that particularly harsh while Sirius lost any enthusiasm and slumped back into the couch with a new weight added on top of his chest, this continued attitude making him feel like pulling out his hair.

Then he said he wasn't going to give it back.

"Really Remus," Harry groaned, looking like a kicked puppy. While at the time he had given up without argument for the sake of some answers, right now his tone equally matched the shock and disappointment of the others.

"That's it, you're officially disowned," Sirius huffed, his voice just not up to its normal teasing tone as he watched Remus curiously. "You've turned into an old killjoy, and I'm going to need your Marauders card back."

He held out his hand expectantly, but Remus didn't play along. He was busy twisting away at the hem of his robes, counting every instance of how he'd acted in this future and how the longer this dragged on the more he was convinced Sirius was right. He had changed, and he didn't like it one little bit. It truly scared the crap out of him what had become of him.

James gave a pitiful sigh, he wanted to join in with Sirius, maybe make a crack Remus had just taken it for nostalgic reasons or some nonsense, but he was so emotionally drained by this point he just couldn't bring himself to do it, so he pressed on loudly, just hoping that this would all somehow look better in tomorrow's morning light.

Harry didn't argue, he wanted to ask a question.

Harry rolled his eyes, clearly not feeling that way now, but Remus was doing a good enough job of looking contrite about doing this he didn't see the point in adding on.

Instead he asked about the manufacturing comment. Lupin didn't seem keen on answering, but did say that the mapmakers would have found it hilarious to sneak Harry out of the castle.

"Some of us would," Sirius grumbled with an eye roll, and Remus flinched like Sirius had really just tried to hurt him. Sirius felt guilty at once, realizing his friend had spent all day giving him any and all comfort and convincing him he hadn't turned into this horrible thing everyone else said, and here he was doing the opposite for his friend. So he instead leaned over and whispered into his ear, "of course you'd insist on coming no matter what we said, no matter how stupid you found it."

Remus just grunted, not finding Sirius' picking on him as comforting as Sirius had hoped, so Sirius decided he'd have to try something else.

Harry asked if Lupin had known them, and he agreed they'd met.

"We've met," James repeated with an eye roll, "oh yeah, a few years back maybe, not sure what happened in the meantime, think some kid got slimed at one point, it's all a blur." James had been trying to get a rise out of Remus as well, but it was clear Remus had all but shut down for the night and was only listening with the vaguest of attention.

He was looking at Harry more seriously than ever before.

"You're right Moony," Sirius nodded in agreement, "that has come up the most in this book, I think it's doing it on purpose just for me."

"Yet another reason I've hated this year," James grumbled when the other didn't respond.

He told Harry that he couldn't force him to take Black seriously,

"Oh Merlin," Remus groaned at the smile that blossomed on said man's face, that shook him out of his shock to look even more disgusted with himself if that were possible. "Now even I'm doing it! Now I know something's happened to me, I must have had head trauma at some point."

Sirius was too busy being pleased Remus had just responded to anything to back up the joke.

but he would have thought that the effect the dementors had on him would make him act better. It would be some payback to his parents if he lost his life over some magic toys.

"Ouch," Lily winced for Harry, while James looked oddly torn between wanting to agree with Lily that this had been way too harsh, and wanting to laugh that James had risked his life for less sometimes just for the sake of a joke. He'd been pretty careless in his youth, he'd admit that about some of the stunts he'd pulled around school, and Remus doing this now felt as low as Snape calling him on it earlier. Maybe they were right, maybe Remus really had changed, and it wasn't making anyone feel any better. Could they really say anything though, Remus was his own person and if he really had moved on or somehow changed in this time they didn't really think they had a right to criticize him for it. It didn't make Lily feel any better about what he'd just said, wanting more than anything to snap at him he didn't really have a right to say anything for them, but then she really looked at Remus and saw that he was fixing to have his own break down right along with Sirius if something didn't change soon and she held it in.

Remus refused to say what he was really thinking though, that this scary new person carrying his name was acting so new, had he changed so much towards Sirius as well? He'd been so positive this whole time he must be helping Sirius, but now...he remembered back to the news that Sirius would be given a Dementor's Kiss if he was caught, and the bland way he'd reacted in the future to the news. He'd had a mini coronary over the realization then that he hadn't seemed to care one way or the other, was that really true? Was he such a completely different person, he actually wasn't even helping out Sirius? All of these things kept smashing around in his mind like gongs, and between that and his exhausted body physically, it was all he could do to keep listening to James read and keep his surroundings in focus without slipping further into a mental breakdown.

Then he left with Harry feeling worse than he had yet when confronted with Snape. He and Ron began heading back to Gryffindor tower, not bothering to stop by and grab the cloak.

"Maybe for the best for now," James nodded absently.

They didn't quite make it there when Hermione found them, and the look on her face made Harry question if she somehow knew what they'd done as well, and had gone to their head of house.

"I'll bleeding lose my mind if she did," Sirius sighed without any real heat, still far too concerned with the way Remus was slowly starting to look just as bad as him whenever he came up in the story and not liking it one little bit.

It would be a cruel twist if Harry had gotten out of that mess just to get put right back in it by McGonagall, but right now getting a detention in school would be a minor comedy compared to their other issues.

Ron demanded to know if she'd been doing just that, and she barely got the words out that she'd gotten word that Hagrid had lost his case, and Buckbeak was going to die.

Harry made a terrible noise of protest, finally stopping looking at both of his uncles like he was making sure they were still breathing from their combined stress, and abruptly shoved back into other matters.

"Alright you lot," Lily sighed miserably, "we really do need to get to bed."

"But Mum-" Harry began protesting at once, looking at the book as if it were Buckbeak himself, and if he just kept reading he'd know for sure everything was going to be okay.

"No," Lily said with finality. Trying, and failing, to keep her eyes from flickering over to Remus she began getting to her feet, walking over to Sirius and taking the book away from him. One glance at his friend and the protest died on his lips. With a heavy sigh they all got to their feet and headed for the stairs, except Remus who simply slumped over and crashed right there on the couch.

Sirius came down a few moments later to drape a blanket over him and make sure all the lights were off before the house went silent.

HPHPHPHP

*So we know why the second wouldn't work, as we all know that Remus isn't helping him though they still don't, but I'm actually kind of stumped on how Sirius was still getting out of the castle once he got in. The way I suggested has some holes in that if they used the Homenum Revelio spell, wouldn't it still show a dog? I thought the spell would just show if anyone else at all was in the room, plus it would be a real chore for Padfoot to actually make it from the seventh to the first floor to get out of a window or something without being spotted by anyone! Not the paintings, or the ghosts or, anyone! Suggestions would be lovely and appreciated.

#Harry Potter #Marauders #fanfiction #James Potter #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Lily Potter #PoA #reading the books

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satonthelotuspier · 5 years ago

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Fur and Feathers

Honestly I’ve had so much lovely feedback about this, so unexpectedly because it was a stupid idea for an AU that got super angsty (it’ll get better!), its definitely a good motivation to write.

Please accept this angsty of a second part of XiCheng.

XiCheng Part 2

“How long are you going to bear a grudge, Jiang Cheng? Don’t you think you’re being a little too...catty?” Wei Wuxian asked him from the limbs of a nearby tree.

It was a hot summer’s day and Jiang Cheng had stripped down to his trousers, taken his hair ornament out, and paused on the bank, ready to take a cooling dip in the lotus lake.

“I’ve managed three or four years so far, Wei Wuxian, I’m going quite strong” with those words he launched himself into the water.

Honestly, his inner cat squirmed at being in the lake; it was particularly times like this that he wished he was a tiger like Jiang Yanli, an inner tiger would welcome a cooling swim on a summers day. His animal would prefer he stretched out on the grass and soaked up the sun, until he got too hot then did the same in the shade of a tree.

He surfaced, pushing his hair back and wiping the stream of water out of his eyes, “Inner cat me doesn’t understand freckles or sunburn on fair skin” he muttered to himself.

He yelped as he felt hands grab him around one leg, and he was pulled back under the water by Wei Wuxian, who had joined him.

Drawn by the Jiang Sect heir and it’s head disciple’s yells and shouts some of the other disciples made their way to the banks of the lake and were soon stripped and had joined them in their play.

It was a lazy afternoon. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng rarely got to spend their time doing nothing of any worth these days and it was a nice change of pace for them.

Later they moved to sit on the banks of the lake under the shade of trees, drying off in the warm air before they stirred themselves to return to Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian tried to talk to Jiang Cheng again about his stubbornness.

“Honestly, it’s been so long, why are you still avoiding Lan Xichen?”

“Does it look like that’s what I’m doing?” Jiang Cheng asked innocently. “I’m just going to see my good friend Nie Huaisang in Qinghe”

“At the same time as the Lans are planning to be at Lotus Pier on a diplomatic visit”

“Is that happening next month too? Unlucky timing” Jiang Cheng shrugged, and laid back against the tree roots. His cat wanted to take a quick nap in the warmth, and Jiang Cheng the human wasn’t averse to the idea.

“You’re so stubborn, Jiang Cheng” Wei Wuxian complained, settling down next to him. They cat-napped for a while, before stirring themselves to go back to Lotus Pier as the sky began to dim towards dusk.

“I really think you should reconsider going to Qinghe next month, Jiang Cheng, you’ve snubbed the Lans for too long now, its being noticed”

“You’re just unhappy because it’s upsetting your boyfriend’s brother” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes; when Wei Wuxian was giving him lectures on etiquette the world was upside down.

Wei Wuxian made an exclamation of annoyance. “Lan Zhan isn’t my boyfriend, we’re friends, Jiang Cheng”

Really? Jiang Cheng wondered if Lan Wangji knew they were just friends, because not from what he had seen of the second Jade of Lan, who was softly, quietly in love with his oblivious sibling.

“Friends would be something you’d know more about if you didn’t have such a terrible personality” Wei Wuxian continued, and he hip-checked Jiang Cheng off of the wooden walkway they traversed, and back into the lotus lake.

“Wei Wuxian!” he yelled as he surfaced. Once he got out of the water he was going to change into his cat body and claw Wei Wuxian into a million tiny pieces. He swam back to the boardwalk and hefted the bundle of now-sodden robes he’d been carrying onto it. He was about to heave himself up when a long, slender hand was offered to help. He took it without thinking, and he was lifted out of the water almost without any help on his own part.

He gained his feet, then followed the arm the hand was attached to, and up to a face he hadn’t expected he’d see in the next hundred years.

“You!” he exclaimed, his temper flaring at having been caught off guard, and incredibly vulnerable.

“Jiang Wanyin” Lan Xichen greeted him.

Rather than enact the respectful greeting he should give the First Jade of Lan, he bent to scoop his wet robes up, turned on his heel and marched off.

“Jiang Cheng, if I tell Madam Yu what a rude little wretch you’re being you’d be in serious trouble” Wei Wuxian called after him.

“That’s fine, Wei-gongzi, I caught Jiang-gongzi at a disadvantage, sodden and half-dressed is no comfortable state to greet guests in”

Jiang Cheng ground his teeth as he continued to stalk back to Lotus Pier, honestly couldn’t Lan Xichen have shown some of this forbearance in the Cloud Recesses when he’d verbally attacked Jiang Cheng for hiding his cat form when trying to offer comfort to the older boy?

“The only disadvantage Jiang Cheng has is his personality” he heard Wei Wuxian complain before he passed out of hearing.

***

Call him childish, but he had his things together in a pack and was ready to set out for Qinghe within the hour.

Except he couldn’t find Sandu. He had definitely had his sword with him when he entered his room yet it was now nowhere to be found. It was impossible that it had just grown legs and walked away.

Therefore there was only one, sable-flavoured possibility.

He stomped out of his rooms and went to bang on Wei Wuxian’s door.

“I want my sword back, Wei Wuxian”

“I don’t have it” Wei Wuxian told him shortly, throwing his door open.

“Who else could have taken it but you in your little weasel form?”

“I’m a sable, check the beautiful fur coat” he flickered between forms, knowing it would irritate Jiang Cheng. It did.

“I don’t care, I want to leave. Don’t pretend it wasn’t you”

“I didn’t say I didn’t take it, Jiang Cheng, I said I don’t have it. Look, it’s been so long, it’s time to let it go. All you’re doing is convincing everyone you’re a spoiled little brat at this point”

He was so angered by the fact he was trapped here, and by Wei Wuxian’s chiding, he was rendered speechless. He stalked back to his own rooms and slammed the doors shut.

He paced and he brooded.

He shifted to cat form, hoping to diffuse the feeling. He shredded his blanket and put some rather nasty scratches in his bed frame, then he began to angrily groom himself. Calmer after taking some of his frustration out on furniture and his own hygiene he sank into a crouch on top of his ripped blankets, tail still flicking back and forth with the remnants of his irritation.

***

Later he was asked to attend his parents in his father’s study. Jiang Cheng arrived to find, as expected, Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren in attendance too, as well as Wei Wuxian.

He had two choices; to act like the spoiled brat Wei Wuxian had accused him of being and no doubt draw his mother’s ire, or act like the perfect son of the perfect hosts.

He would probably take more personal satisfaction from the former. Until his mother had him whipped, that was.

Instead Jiang Cheng sat primly neat at his place, made all the correct shows of respect to their visitors, sipped tea, and looked like he was paying close attention to the exchanges.

In reality he considered the question of Sandu. It was highly likely his sword was in his mother’s possession, as Wei Wuxian had assured him he didn’t have it. He didn’t really like his chances of continued survival if he dared to try and steal it back, however. Which meant there would be no sword travel to Qinghe yet.

He could walk, or try to buy a horse at one of the farms on the way, but then he’d be travelling across country without his sword for defence and he didn’t enjoy that idea at all.

There was a sudden clatter of several cups in the study, which told Jiang Cheng he had missed something important. Or controversial.

He glanced at Wei Wuxian, who looked ashen, then at Lan Xichen, who also looked disturbed.

He wished he had been paying attention to understand what had shocked them both so.

“Respect Shufu, Jiang-zongzhu, Yu-furen, but Wangji’s heart is already spoken for” Lan Xichen had cupped his hands and lowered his head in a bow as he spoke the words. Jiang Cheng wanted to know what Lan Wangji being in love with Wei Wuxian had to do with whatever was being discussed amongst their elders.

Although he was beginning to experience a sinking feeling in his stomach as he had an inkling.

“Attachments hardly enter into a political alliance, Lan-gongzi” Madam Yu told him, her face impassive.

“Of course, Yu-furen. Forgive me, but it seems unnecessary to me to involve Wangji, who’s interest lies elsewhere…” there was an infinitesimal pause by Lan Xichen where he worried his lip in an unusual show of indecision, “...when I have no such prior reservations, and have as much to bring to the alliance as Wangji” his eyes darted to Jiang Cheng’s briefly, then away again just as quickly.

You have to be joking me.

Jiang Cheng sat in absolute stillness, if he had been in his cat form his tail would be flickering back and forth in irritation.

If his ability to fill in the gaps he had missed was accurate he was being offered up in sacrifice to a political alliance with the Lans, just as Jiang Yanli had been married off to Jin Zixuan to cement ties between the Jin and Jiang clans.

Jiang Cheng understood logically why the clans were forming strong alliances through his generation; show the Wens the other large clans were a solid, like-minded unit and it would keep their autocratic aspirations within check.

Perhaps it was also fair to say Lan Xichen was the sacrifice rather than Jiang Cheng; he had offered himself up in his brother’s place, most likely because he knew Lan Wangji loved Wei Wuxian.

And yes, Wei Wuxian loved Lan Wangji despite the odd friendship he imagined the two were in, Wei Wuxian just needed more time to realise friendship wasn’t the only thing that Lan Wangji wanted from him.

Jiang Cheng couldn't justify ruining Wei Wuxian’s chance at happiness just because of his distaste for the elder Lan brother. But did it have to be the Lans?

“What about Nie Huaisang of Qinghe Nie?” he spoke before he had time to judge the inherent insult in his words; and by the time he realised it was too late to retract them.

Despite the direct insult he had just offered the Lan clan, his suggestion was the ideal solution to Jiang Cheng’s mind.

An alliance with a large, influential sect, and marriage to one of his best friends. If he had to marry for political reasons why not to Huaisang? They got on well, they had fun together, they knew each other well enough for there to be few surprises. A solution that pleased everyone.

Except one person, as his mother was happy to tell him, “Nie Mingjue wouldn’t let you within a thousand Li of his brother for the purposes of marriage. He has been vocal enough of his unhappiness at your continued friendship. Considering what ill-breeding you continue to show I can hardly fault his objection” if Jiang Cheng had a sharp tongue it was learned entirely from one woman, and she excelled at using it.

Jiang Cheng flushed and lowered his eyes, neatly silenced.

He felt Wei Wuxian’s hand nudge his in silent comfort.

The Lans had borne the insult with their famed poise, but Jiang Cheng could see something a little like fire in Lan Qiren’s eyes. It seemed Wei Wuxian wasn’t the only son of Yunmeng who was able to anger the de facto leader of the Lan clan.

He knew what he had to do. “I beg Lan-laoshi’s and Zewu-jun’s forgiveness for my unintentional insult” he apologised, and Wei Wuxian squeezed his hand once in support.

Madam Yu hardly allowed them to respond before she returned to the initial topic.

“So, is it to be Lan Wangji or Lan Xichen who is given to the Jiang sect in marriage, Lan-laoshi?”

There was no doubt how torn Lan Qiren looked when confronted with the choice.

“Your nephew, whichever it may be, will be treated with the utmost respect and kindness as a member of the Jiang clan” Jiang Fengmian spoke for the first time in a while.

“I have no doubt, but thank you, Jiang-zongzhu” Lan Qiren inclined his head, then looked at Lan Xichen.

“Shufu, it’s the right choice to make” Lan Xichen urged, and eventually Lan Qiren nodded once in agreement.

***

The youngsters were dismissed shortly after the agreement had been reached, so discussions on the business side of a betrothal could be discussed, no doubt they were negotiating dowries and fixing a date for the wedding.

Jiang Cheng had been asked to escort the first young lord of Lan back to his accommodations, no doubt to give the newly betrothed a chance to interact with each other.

An opportunity Jiang Cheng intended to take.

He was rude, and followed Lan Xichen into his rooms, where he trapped him against the wall, a hand by his head.

“Did you know this was going to happen?” he demanded.

They were of a very similar height, so he should have only had limited ability to intimidate the other; but oddly Lan Xichen seemed to shrink away from him.

“I had no idea, Jiang Wanyin. I was merely told we were attending for diplomatic reasons” he seemed to remember his spine then, “I know you hate me, but you cannot blame me for ensuring Wangji has a chance at happiness”

“How very self-sacrificing you are, Xichen-ge” Jiang Cheng mocked as he back away.

The other sighed, “Can we not just put it to rest now, Wanyin? We will have to live with each other going forward, there’s absolutely no reason we can’t be civil with each other”

Jiang Cheng had a daily demonstration of how unpleasant an unhappy marriage was in his parents; he supposed he had no right to expect his own to be otherwise.

“I don’t intend to spend enough time in your company that it will matter” he shrugged, and on that rather abrasive note left Lan Xichen’s rooms.

***

They were married several weeks later, neither party was able to pretend enough interest to have any input into the planning process. Indeed, it hardly felt like a wedding at all to those few guests who attended; they being mainly family members of the grooms. Their marriage was finalised quickly and almost impersonally.

After a single night in the marital bed to fulfil the stipulations of the marriage agreement the young Jiang sect heir left Lotus Pier for an extended stay with his close friend Nie Huaisang in Qinghe.

His new spouse, Lan Xichen, formerly sect heir of Gusu Lan was left behind at Lotus Pier to begin his new life in a new sect in solitude.

Part 3 to follow, will be relationship development. With a Wei Wuxian twist.

#XiCheng #angst #Shifter AU #mdzs #mdzs fanfic #mdzs fic #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #the untamed #Shay's stuff #Fur and Feathers AU #lan xichen #jiang cheng

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sign-from-god-complex · 5 years ago

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cuddles and catnaps

Summary: Logan was absolutely exhausted. Thankfully, Roman’s there to help.

Pairing: Platonic logince

Warnings: Brief description of emotional numbness, very non-serious mention of hypothetical murder and lots of sleep-deprivation/insomnia-related things.

A/N: I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to write the logince conversation I wish they’d have in canon. Just let my boys get along!!! It’s what they deserve.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a quiet night, and Logan was awake.

This wasn't uncommon necessarily—rest did not always come easily to the logical side and it had been a particularly busy week—but it was frustrating nonetheless. He'd tried to relax, tried breathing techniques and distractions and anything else he could think of but it was no use; Logan simply couldn't sleep.

It had been a problem for the past few nights, in fact. Logan's mind wouldn't stop whirring with all the potential outcomes or solutions to the most recent dilemma Thomas was having and he was unable to untangle his thoughts from it.

He thought that he managed to get an hour or so of sleep last night but honestly he couldn't say for sure; things were beginning to blend together slightly.

As the clock hit 3 am, Logan decided to give up trying. He recalled hearing about how merely pretending to sleep makes you feel more rested than if you were to get up and stay awake but, quite honestly, if Logan had to lay here one more minute he felt he may figuratively explode.

Slipping out from under the sheets, he walked over to open the door and head down to the commons, hoping that if he generated a change in scenery it might prompt his body to allow him at least a nap. Best-case scenario, he would manage to fall asleep on the couch while watching a documentary.

He crept down the hallway as quietly as possible, noting the absence of light from under the doors of his fellow sides. It was common for them to be in bed at this time—provided Thomas was as well—but it also wasn't unheard of for them to be a little too worked up to get to sleep, much as Logan was right now. It seemed, however, that the others were asleep, which simultaneously comforted and distressed him.

It was obviously beneficial for the other three to be getting optimal sleep and rest. Not only was it better for them but it was better for Thomas as well—things tended to go awry when any one side was particularly sleep-deprived.

Roman's reaction to lack of sleep was actually quite typical. You could tell Roman hadn't been sleeping well simply because he seemed tired. Not sleepy, that was vastly different. No, Roman tended to look exhausted, trailing around and reacting sluggishly to any input from the other sides. His usual vigour and bounce were missing, replaced with mostly blank looks and absent stares.

It was actually the easiest of the four's behaviours to recognise and the other sides always rushed to get him to bed when they picked up on it. They could always afford a day off for Roman's health.

Plus, of course, Thomas's productivity greatly suffered when Roman wasn't at his best. Without Thomas's creativity, videos were extremely difficult if not impossible to complete, with any attempted acting being subpar and any attempted writing being worse than that. That's not even to mention the kind of slump Thomas fell into when Roman became particularly exhausted; it was upsetting to witness their host look so dejected and quiet. Truly, taking a day off was always the best course of action.

Virgil's response to sleep deprivation was mostly avoidance. He tended to put as much distance between himself and the other three as was possible, and luckily enough, the three of them had quickly learnt to spot it.

Getting Virgil to sleep was actually vastly more difficult than Roman. Roman generally whined slightly but was really too exhausted to protest all that much; Virgil, however, got angry when he was tired. His jabs were never taken personally past the first time it occurred—the others understood that Virgil's lashing out was not out of malice but more out of frustration and a feeling of being overwhelmed—though it was still jarring. Virgil was usually angry for them more so than at them nowadays but with exhaustion he became terse, snapping at anyone who dared to lend a helping hand.

Though it took slightly more effort, they usually got through the facade pretty quickly, watching Virgil just entirely deflate and forcibly cuddling him to sleep.

And when Virgil was tired and angry and distant, Thomas was a wreck. Thomas dealt with his emotions far better than Virgil did but that didn't mean he didn't feel them. When Virgil was like this, all the little things that Thomas could normally deal with managed to get to him—sharp noises and abrupt motions causing him to flinch and glare and any small inconvenience suddenly becoming the indicator of a horrible day. Thomas's optimism tended to fly right out the window when Virgil hadn't slept and it was troublesome, to say the least.

Patton became considerably stressed when he was tired. It was something that seemed to tie in quite closely to his general need to bottle up his feelings. Instead of dealing with his insomnia, Patton would stress clean, would obsess over every tiny detail and was just not capable of turning off for even a second. It wasn't uncommon on days like that to see Patton puttering around the mindscape, fixing things that didn't need fixing and straightening things that didn't need straightening—picking at every perceived flaw he came across.

Getting Patton to bed was potentially the hardest. He was always so worked up, so tense and so fixated that it was like dragging Logan away in the middle of hyperfocusing. Patton wouldn't fight them the way Virgil did but he just wouldn't take a single breath and it would take several hours of calming distractions and soft blankets to get him to drift away.

Thomas did not tend to be productive on those days. When Patton was as consumed by his thoughts as he was, Thomas couldn't concentrate in the slightest, instead, he tended to opt for rewatching old episodes of his favourite TV shows and steadily ignoring his growing piles of responsibilities with some form of detached concern. He knows he should be worried but quite honestly, he couldn't bring himself to feel much at all besides numb.

Patton would always apologise over and over in the wake of the incident but Thomas was always very kind in his responses, citing that it was probably time he took a rest day anyway.

Logan wasn't exactly sure what his own reaction was to being sleep deprived, not the way he was aware of the other sides. It wasn't something he'd had to pay all that much attention to, considering with the others he was always needed to help resolve the situation, however, with himself he clearly was not. There was one thing Logan was sure of, though.

Lack of sleep made Logan stupid.

It wasn't necessarily the nicest way to put it but he would be lying if he said he didn't think it was accurate.

When Logan was tired, he made mistakes—stupid mistakes, mistakes he couldn't really afford to make. They didn't always have real-world consequences, such as accidentally spreading Crofters onto his cell phone instead of his toast, but sometimes they did. Sometimes Logan calculated the risks incorrectly or gave Thomas faulty information and the guilt ate him up inside every single time. It wasn't as if he was doing it maliciously but that wasn't the point, the point was that Logan should be more careful. Exhaustion just made it harder for him to do that.

And one of the kinds of frivolous mistakes Logan tended to make in his fatigue was with his emotions.

Logan kept his emotions largely under lock and key, however, when he becomes tired they tend to get the best of him, generally presenting itself in some unwarranted and entirely uncalled for tears. His crying could be due to anything—it could be due to a change in schedule or a misplaced document or even a lack of milk—or it could be due to absolutely nothing at all. Logan hated it. He hated feeling out of control and he hated the pitying looks he received from the other sides as they tried to comfort him and make him sleep.

Because another mistake Logan made with his emotions when he was tired was his want for physical affection.

Logan was willing to indulge in physical contact for the sake of the other sides—for example, if Patton was sad and required a hug or to help Virgil stay calm and relaxed as he tried to get some sleep—but Logan did not need those things himself. He found them to be largely unnecessary and marginally uncomfortable—though he wouldn't tell the others that because he's still willing to suffer through it for their sakes.

Sleep-deprived Logan, however, never seemed to get the memo.

When Logan reached a certain point of exhaustion, he found himself craving the warmth of the other sides. Wanting soft hands threading through his hair and limbs tangled in with his, wanting to feel limitless and infinite in the darkness and yet so small in relation to the vast expanse of the universe. He wanted to go somewhere in the imagination where they could see the stars, to feel the wind brushing past his skin but feeling secure in the knowledge that he was safe and warm and loved wrapped up in the others’ arms.

Fatigue also made him maudlin, though he would not for the life of him admit it.

Logan descended the stairs, wincing somewhat as one of the steps creaked under his foot and pausing for a moment, waiting to receive confirmation that he hadn't awoken any of the other sides. Hearing nothing, Logan continued his journey, settling onto the living room floor with a quiet exhale. He glanced in the direction of the couches and hesitated as he noticed a glow coming from the television. Though the brightness was turned down quite considerably, the TV was unmistakably on.

Knowing that he was the last person to leave the commons that evening lead Logan to the conclusion that he was incorrect in his assumption that the other sides were all asleep in their rooms. All he could see on the couch, however, was a pile of blankets and cushions.

Possibly he had just forgotten to turn the TV off after he left. Or, maybe, one of the others had come down at some point during the evening before once again retiring to their rooms, and they had forgotten to turn it off. He had to admit that it didn't seem likely that he had left the TV on, though given his current state it may not be entirely out of the realm of possibility.

Logan took a seat next to the pile of blankets on the couch and after grabbing the remote from in between the couch cushions, changed the channel over to the Discovery Channel and turned the volume down low. It seemed to be some documentary on symbiotic animal relationships or something to that extent, and while Logan would normally be interested he was quite honestly too tired to really follow along.

There were a few minutes of Logan attempting to parse the images on the screen before he decided that a blanket would likely be conducive to falling asleep. He went to grab one off of the top of the pile—the red knitted one Roman tended to prefer. In this action, however, he uncovered a body.

And Logan, still too tired to process anything useful, fell off the couch.

His immediate assumption was that Virgil had murdered someone and tried to hide the body under every blanket and cushion he could find in the house. He quickly—though not as quickly as he would have liked—dismissed this as a nonsensical thought. Virgil was far too anxious to kill anyone. He entertained the idea of Roman having killed someone for a slightly longer moment before also rejecting the idea. Roman had morals, or something to that extent anyway, even if he was far more likely to think that hiding a body under a mound of blankets was a good strategy.

Finally, Logan realised that he’d been sitting on the floor for approximately 3 whole minutes and getting up to take a look at the body on the couch may be the most reasonable course of action. He shook his head with a sigh. He really was off today.

Rising to his feet, Logan peered at the figure on the couch. Though the person was primarily obscured by the mountain of blankets, he could see a glimpse of red and gold pyjama pants. They looked startlingly similar to Roman’s pair—a Christmas present from Patton that had since become his go-to—thus, Logan concluded either this person was dressed up in Roman’s clothes or it was Roman and he was inclined to believe the latter.

Logan removed a few more blankets from the pile in an attempt to validate his assumption and was greeted by brown hair, closed eyes and a soft expression. It was, indeed, Roman.

Now, Logan had a decision to make. Either he could turn the TV off, leave Roman to sleep and head back to his room where he would remain alone until the other sides woke up for breakfast…

Or he could wake Roman up.

He knew the desire was selfish but with Roman looking as peaceful as he was he couldn’t help but wish to join him in his cocoon. It looked so warm and Logan was so, so tired.

He only really considered it for a moment before giving in. With enough sacrificed Crofter’s and endured teasing, Roman would forgive him, and he was too exhausted to have any sense of self-control.

Logan placed his hand on Roman’s shoulder, rocking him back and forth in an attempt to wake him up without jarring him too much. As he was pulled from sleep, Roman made a sound similar to those "startup noises" that cats make when you first touch them, blinking open his eyes. Something about it was strangely endearing and Logan tried to ignore the way he felt his chest warm at the sight.

“Lo?” Roman mumbled, rubbing at his eyes sleepily, “What’re you doin’ up?”

“I was… unable to sleep.”

Logan shuffled his feet awkwardly, feeling a sense of embarrassment rush through him. Dear lord, this was utterly pathetic. What was he thinking? He had absolutely no need to awaken Roman, just because his skin felt so cold and he was so, so tired and he only wanted to be held and warm and loved-

Ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. Roman, at most, tolerated his presence and Logan was firmly overstepping his boundaries here.

Roman stared blankly for a few seconds. “Oh…”

“I apologise for waking you, Roman,” Logan said, attempting to rectify his obvious mistake, “I should go back to my room now.”

He made a motion to turn back towards the stairs, trying to fight the disappointment in his chest and the craving for warmth that was still gnawing at him but was interrupted by Roman putting out a hand to stop him. Roman shook his head a few times, blinking quickly as he tried to wake himself up a little bit more.

“No, no, wait. What is it?”

“I was just…” Logan cleared his throat, trying to steel himself for Roman’s possible reaction. “I was wondering if I could…”

He trailed off, gesturing vaguely to the mountain of blankets Roman was still encompassed in. Roman’s face broke into a small smile and he reached out to grab Logan’s hand, tugging it gently, just enough to prompt him to take a step forward.

“C’mere, nerd.” Roman’s voice was incredibly fond and Logan was slightly worried that he may start crying just from the sound of it.

Ducking his head, Logan climbed onto the couch near Roman, trying not to startle as Roman grabbed his arm and pulled him into the blankets beside him.

The blanket pile was incredibly warm and soft. Almost the second Logan landed, he could feel his heart rate decreasing—already infinitely calmer than he had been upstairs. He closed his eyes as he felt Roman wrap his arms around him, tears leaking out the corners of them without his permission.

Gods, this was so much better than being alone.

He could feel Roman pressed against him, warmth sinking to his core and melting away all of the stress and tension his body had been holding onto. A hand had sunk into his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp and giving him a pleasant sensation to focus on to calm his thoughts. He pressed in closer to Roman, burying his head in the crook of his neck as his body betrayed him and he just started to sob.

He hated this—he hated it because it was never his choice, just a constant build-up of emotions that expanded in his chest until it burst—but Roman felt safe. So maybe, just once, it was okay.

There was gentle shushing, whispered affirmations as Roman held Logan’s shaking frame as tight as he could and ran his hands lightly along his skin. He didn’t know how long they remained there—whether it was 5 minutes or an hour—but once Logan was able to catch his breath he choked out an apology. An apology that was quickly brushed off.

“You have nothing to apologise for, Lo,” Roman insisted, carding his hand through Logan’s hair and watching the other lean into it, “I want to help you. I know I haven’t always been… the best, when it comes to dealing with you but… I just need you to know that though I may argue with Logic, that doesn’t mean I’m arguing with Logan.”

Logan untucked his head from Roman’s shoulder, bringing his gaze up to give him a confused look.

“We are the same person, Roman.”

Roman screwed up his face for a moment. “No, no, I mean… just because we argue doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, you know? We, by definition, are always going to have differing opinions but even though I'm bad at admitting it, I do recognise your things are important too. I’m just stubborn. And despite our disagreements, I do enjoy having you around, Logan.”

“Oh.”

Logan blinked, processing that for a moment.

It wasn’t as if he’d thought Roman hated him; he didn’t believe any of the sides truly hated each other (except potentially Virgil and Deceit, though even that, he theorised, was born from a place of caring too much). Simply, Logan had felt as if Roman put up with him mostly out of necessity. As Roman had stated, Logic was crucial—despite how little he liked to admit it—and, of course, it would be unwise to disregard Logan completely. Roman’s admission was certainly… unexpected.

“Well… you too, Roman,” Logan replied softly.

Roman’s eyebrows shot up, face vulnerable and uncertain. “Really?”

“Of course.”

There was something about being here—enclosed in Roman’s arms so late in the night, the only illumination of their forms coming from the TV behind him, the air almost silent—that made Logan feel as if the consequences of being open may not be as bad as he feared.

So, instead of ending his statement there, Logan pushed on.

“I don’t… understand a lot of the things you consider to be important. I don’t understand fantasy or metaphors or how to please people. If I was left in sole control of writing the scripts for Thomas’s content, though the final product would be educational and factually accurate, it would be… boring. I am boring, I know this. I just… I don’t appreciate having to rely on other people—and I don’t like not understanding things—and more often than not, I take that frustration out on you. That is unfair of me.”

Roman chuckled, low and quiet, and it felt like an acknowledgement of all the mistakes they’d made and all of the mistakes they would no doubt continue to make. “I suppose we both have things to work on, then.”

In response, Logan simply hummed. He felt drowsy and content, reassured that despite what he may have thought, everything between them was okay. They lay there for a while more, Logan teetering on the edge of unconsciousness before Roman spoke again, breaking the silence between them.

“You aren’t boring though, you know that, right?”

Logan made a questioning sound, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“I mean, you get so excited about space that you wave your hands around as you explain things and you have such strong opinions about the smallest of things and you’re stubborn and quick-tempered and absolutely brilliant.” At that declaration, Logan did open his eyes, seeing Roman looking down at him with a shy smile on his face. “You could never be boring, Logan. Not really.”

“Thank you.” It was a whispered response, tired and grateful, but Roman heard it nonetheless.

Logan moved a hand up in front of his face to stifle a yawn and he saw Roman grin, drawing Logan closer into his chest. “Sleep now, nerd. You can talk about how much you love and adore me in the morning.”

“You are incorrigible,” Logan replied but his tone was teasing rather than cruel.

In response, Roman gave a breathy laugh. Evidently, he decided it wasn’t worth it to argue, instead, reaching to grab one of the blankets and tugging it over their bodies. He clicked off the TV, tossing the remote onto the couch away from them.

“Goodnight, Lo,” Roman said, voice barely more than an exhale.

Logan mumbled a vague response, feeling himself relax completely once again, his eyes falling shut and breathing steadying out. Rather than circling, planning and plotting a hundred different scenarios for tomorrow or solutions to problems that don’t even exist yet, Logan’s thoughts were quiet. All of his focus was on the heat of Roman’s body and the darkness covering them both like a blanket.

And, after just a few short moments—Logan feeling safe and warm, wrapped up in Roman’s arms—Logan finally fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @mutechild @super-magical-wizard @shadowsfromthesun @teadays @sandersships @mctaetae613 @autism-goblin @deadlyhuggles6 @romanthestarstruckqueer @whispers-stuff-in-your-ear @rainboots-are-for-snobs @sanders-and-sides @spirits-in-my-thoughts @kee-and-co @autistic-virgil @stop-it-anxiety @figurative-falsehood @jadedfantasies231 @idosanderssidespromptssometimes @poisonedapples @sanders-screams

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #roman sanders #logan sanders #logince #platonic logince #lo can write #long post #on mobile anyway #cause the cut doesn't work cause tumblr's a hell app #it'll work in a reblog though

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spiltscribbles · 5 years ago

Text

Pearly White Lincoln

She’s fierce.

Steven Hyde has always known that much about Jackie Burkhart, even before she began dating one of his best friends. Back when she was just a doe eyed, cheerleading, force of nature and glamor. Back when she was the first underclassmen to win the illustrious title of homecoming queen, and would sashay down the halls with an impenetrable air of arrogance mixed with a superiority complex a mile wide. Too pretty for her own good and too smart to give a damn. Acting like for all the world, this dingy ass, rundown town owed her. That if nothing else, Point Place needs to pay it’s dues for holding her back from which ever dream she has for that week, with all it’s trappings of mediocrity.

The worst part of it is that she might not be totally off base.

She’s the only Freshman that any of the senior guys look at with a twinkle in their eyes, the only one with a shrill enough voice to make’m cower in submission. She’s loud, and abrasive, and does this thing where she wrinkles her upturned nose right before ripping to shreds anyone who she deems worthy of her ninety pound, label whoring wrath of fury.

He hates her purely on the principle of the thing.

Teenage dirtbags and prom queens to be don’t mix, that’s just logic. Just like it’s logic that cars aren’t supposed to ride on water, or that anything Mrs. Forman bakes is bound to be fantastic. And it’s only logic that he starts to resent the pint-sized beauty queen for getting her perfectly manicured claws into his oldest friend right around the same time his other best friend is finally trying to make a move on the only girl Hyde has ever loved in any kind of way, and right when Edna makes her monthly topple off the wagon.

It’s only logic that he, Steven Hyde, hates everything Jackie Burkhart has ever had to offer.

Hyde’s defected.

He’s sure of it, there’s something wrong in his DNA or some shit. Something that prevents him from conjuring up the appropriate feelings corresponding towards the right people. That’s why he can’t find it in himself to hate Edna— the only one of his parents who actually bothered enough to stay, even when she’s smacking him upside the head after losing her lot in that night’s poker match, or however many times she loves to remind Hyde that he’s the sole purpose why her all too promising career as a performer at the Barnett Water Show met it’s bitter end. It’s almost like a pastime for her— telling Hyde that he’s a mistake, in every sense of the word. He’s the worst version of a kid that any parent would ever want. It’s why Bud left before Hyde hit puberty. Why she resents him for it. Why she’ll never forgive him for fettering her to the ugly underbelly of a small town existence. Forcing her to be a drunkard, single parent barely holding onto the vestiges of youth she still has left.

On those nights, when Edna would get so plastered that she couldn’t stand straight, that she’d start singing some sappy ballad about time lost and scorning all her ex lovers, were the nights Hyde hated the most. More than the hitting or teasing. It was those nights that solidified the fact in his mind that he’s really not worth a damn, and he should stop pretending as much. He’ll be blessed if he doesn’t end up in prison, or knocking up a chick before he’s graduated high school.

But whatever, Hyde’s a mistake. A dirtbag. An insignificant piece of shit on someone’s shoe. He knows that. He’s over giving a damn about his inevitable fate, he’s excepted as much after living the truth of it for going on seventeen years.

In fact, Hyde doesn’t care about anything.

not a damn thing.

Nothing.

Well excluding the hand full of pot heads he’s somehow grown an unwavering loyalty towards, and attachment with. A cluster of mismatched individuals who’s friendship was manufactured from a shared unconformity, and solidified by a decade of spending every god damn day in each other’s orbits.

Hyde thinks they’re the closest thing he’s ever known to a family, and he hates the idea of altering that dynamic.

So one night, early in their junior year, , when he knows that Forman’s gonna give big red his class ring, he tells Donna he cares for her, that he knows she cares for him too. Because Hyde knows it in his bones that the gang could deal with them being on again, off again. They’re a casual match, he and Donna. More alike than not, with a shared cynicism towards how the establishment’s keeping them down. Nothing particularly remarkable, or amazing in their union. They’d never be the sort to have their names written in the skies, or flourish into some sort of ridiculous caricature of the Little House On The Prairie . But Hyde thinks that they’d be decent to one another. That it’s all kinds of fun when he kisses Donna. He knows that he won’t ever blame her when she eventually move to Madison for college, and then to like Prague or some shit, following her dreams. Hyde and Donna wouldn’t be much of anything after all, so it wouldn’t be a big deal.

But her and Forman?

Eric and Donna are this generations Romeo and Juliette waiting to happen. Both way to lost on each other— trading heart eyes and dopey grins like it’s an olympic sport. THey’d never be able to keep their feelings safely tucked away behind tinted shades, and an aloof exterior. And when they inevitably have their heartbreaking breakup, it’d demolish everything that Hyde has built for himself with this crew of dumbasses. A relationship sealed by brimstone and sheer force of will. The only relationship he’s ever allowed himself to care for with any other person. One that’d probably hurt like hell losing.

So no, he can’t let Forman admit his precious little feelings to the busty, girl next door. And if he has to get in the way, so be it. It’s not a big deal, it’s not like Hyde doesn’t like Donna? That’d be insane! Even if she wasn’t totally smoking.

Hyde likes the way the light catches in her pretty, ginger hair. Likes that she’s not dandy when it comes to her opinion, or playing a round of ball. He likes just about everything that has to do with Donna. And fuck off if he doesn’t get it when Forman talks about feeling queasy in his stomach when around her, like some girlie ass butterflies were swarming down there. Or that his palms don’t get sweaty, like how Kelso’s do whenever he’s with Jackie. They probably only do that because she’s berating him about being an idiot for something or the other, or Kelso’s feeling guilty over something stupid like losing one of her pretty, pink unicorns.

That shit’s unnecessary. At least he likes her as a person, which is way more than any of Edna’s trashy fuck boys could ever say about whatever chick they’re nailing. They’ve told Hyde time and time again that the only important quality in a broad is whether or not she can give’m a stiffy.

Screw that, at least Hyde respects Donna as an actual person.

That respect is why once he finds out later that night that they’re finally together— subsequent to a sobered up Donna and Eric finally growing a pair to ask her to be his girl— Hyde’s happy for them. Even if it’s their own funeral they’re paving the path towards.

He tells Eric as much, with the only caveat that he’s not gonna let them fuck up the group. Warns him that he’s not taking any of their dumbass sides if they break up.

Eric just laughs, cause he’s never known what it’s like to have the ground slipped right from under you. And Hyde just smiles, because he’d never want Forman, his brother in all but blood, to experience that kind of hurt.

Hyde reckons he’s a hypocrite, or maybe just too dumb to heath his own warnings.

But here he is, on the night of prom, renting a suit because he’s begrudgingly agree to escort none other than the epitome of prep herself, Jackie freaking Burkhart, to his junior prom. And all because his dumbass of a best friend cheated on her by pawing at Pam Macy in public, and Jackie sobbed until Hyde lost his resolve.

Fucking hell, he’s going weak.

The doorbell rings, and Hyde ignores the cursed taunting by his ma to answer, swiftly picking up the corsage he’d bought her on his way.

What Hyde doesn’t expect is opening the door and promptly having the breath snatched right from his longs.

“Wow… You look beautiful.”

She beams up at him, light curls framing her pretty face, and sugarplum pink dress making the green in her chestnut eyes flare with an unbridled amount of mirth.

Hyde doesn’t know why his heart thuds at the sight, or why he suddenly has no words for this girl who he’s always figured was the living embodiment of everyone that’s ever told him he’s not worth a damn.

“So do you.”

Hyde barely registers himself handing her the corsage, or leading her away from Edna’s uncharitable ribbing.

Someone like her belongs in-between the leather bindings of a fairytale book, and definitely not somewhere like here, in the dark recesses of society. Not where Hyde has created his own little corner of the galaxy.

It’s no surprise when the pretty cheerleader ends the night in the arms of her moronic ex-boyfriend, and Hyde finishes off in between the legs of the girl who broke them up in the first place.

Nor is it really a surprise when Kelso’s incessant cheating catches up to him, finally blowing up in his face, and making him lose at least one of the girl’s he’s been juggling.

What is a surprise is that he gives up on Jackie so easily, opting to prance around with the she-devil herself. Especially after months of bitching about how much he loves Burkhart.

Another surprise is how much fun it is taking Jackie under his wing, teaching her the art of zen, and even getting to watch a totally sexy cat fight with her and Laurie. Which is never not a good sight— especially considering how Jackie totally beat her ass.

So that’s it. Hyde thinks of Jackie as just another— if not a occasionally vapid— friend. Prom night was just a fluke, and sure she’s hot. But hell, so is Donna, and even Laurie, you know, in her own special, hellish kind of way.

Jackie’s just that. A hot chick who he can chill with. Ya know, when she’s not running her trap.

Everything’s cool. Hyde’s just as aloof and untethered as always.

Jackie thinks she’s in love with him, and Hyde’s convinced she’s finally gone off her rocker.

But to be fair, Hyde reasons that so has he , considering the fact he’s taken her side in every Kelso induced argument, went to jail— leading him to get kicked out of the only home he’s ever felt welcomed in— over her bag of pot, and then punched some idiotic prick for actually calling her a bitch.

No, never mind. Hyde’s sure of it. He’s medically insane, and that’’s why he cuts out of the Forman’’s Veteran’s Day barbecue early, to take Jackie out on a stupid date.

The worst part of the whole ordeal is that it’s not the worst date he’s ever been on— by a long shot. He’d probably deny it till his dying day, but Jackie’s funny in her own quirky way. He likes hearing her talk passionately about crap that really has no importance outside of her shiny, Versace veneered bubble. He likes that she looks at him like he’s not some injured, little fuck up. Like she’s happy to be here, sitting besides him. She’s not slumming it, she genuinely wants to give them, give him, a fair shot. And that’s pretty cool… Really cool if he’s being honest.

By the end of the date, they actually share a smile, something warm, something like nothing’s Hyde’s ever felt with a chick before.

Their eyes are still boring into each other when he ducks down, and she inclines her head forwards.

Hyde kisses the homecoming queen atop her daddy’s pearly white Lincoln, and it doesn’t feel like the end of the world as he knows it.

She tastes like lilac skies, and the gumdrop cookies Edna use to make while singing Sinatra on her especially good days, and like something quintessentially Jackie. . It’s a kiss just on this edge of amazing, and Hyde hates that he might have to admit that she’s actually been right all along.

But then she pulls away. Tells’m that there’s no spark.

“Nothing?”

She shakes her head no, before he’s forced to agree. Because fuck, what’d he think? That this is some sort of chick-flick. That the pampered, pretty girl would ever really choose the lowly, orphan boy in real life?

What a fucking joke.

He hops off the lid, and opens the door for her.

They grab a couple burgers and fries and talk like his tongue wasn’t down her throat only half an hour prior, and it’s fine. It’s good.

He’s never let his feelings for anyone cloud his judgment before, he won’t start now.

Months later, after she puts the final nail in the ever tumultuous coffin that was her relationship with Michael Kelso, they kind of fall into one another.

They spend the summer leading to his senior year kissing behind every shadowed corner, and tucked away crevasse.

She tells him it means nothing, and Hyde tells her the same. Because it doesn’t. Because whatever he might’ve felt for Jackie was efficiently scuffed away by the heal of her red bottom shoes months prior, and what they’re doing now is just all heat, and lust, and mostly to do with the boredom of the summer getting to them.

That’s what Hyde tells himself at least.

“Oh my God! I win!” Jackie crows, leaping off her seat and shaking around in a risible excuse for dancing.

Hyde loses all interest in the chessboard, nodding approvingly at the way she moves in her tiny shorts and spaghetti top before she smacks him playfully.

“Hey man! I’m just appreciating the consolation prize!”

“Uncouth pig.” She rolls her eyes at him before flopping back in her powder pink duvet, long soft hair fanning around her like a dark halo.

“You wanna stay over tonight?” Hyde thinks she’s trying to ask as casually as possible, but he can see the hope in the quirk of her brow.

“Naw, man Forman had to tell his parents that I wasn’t at breakfast this morning cause I was at the library. I didn’t even know this town had a library!” He kind of feels his heart constrict at her disappointment. “You know Red’d freak if he found out I was spending the nights here, probably assume shit.”

“Yeah, true.” She pouts, averting her gaze. “You better get going then before Red starts to flip.”

“Right… So your ma still isn’t back, huh?”

Hyde would like to pretend that he doesn’t shrink back at the sudden flash of rage in her eyes.

“No Steven! I told you! She’s still working on her tan in Mexico.” Jackie sits up, crossing her arms defensively. “We Burkhart women have a reputation to uphold! If we’re not the epitome of beauty, what’ll people like Donna have to live up to!” Hyde idly wonders how she’s become such a pro of diversion. “It’s really a hard job Steven, we constantly have to be on our A game, or else the whole pyramid of beauty standards crumbles!”

“Ah huh…?”

Her lips pinch, brows scrunched together with no small amount of frustration.

“Look just take your surly attitude and get going, will you? I have a Tiger Beat to read.”

“Jackie I’m not gonna leave you alone here. Now c’mon, tell me what the hell’s actually going on! Your mom’s been working on her tan for the last month!”

“Steven, it’s real hard to get the perfect golden brown—“

“Jackie!”

“What!”

“Is your mom even coming back home?”

The stutter in her answer right then is enough of a tell for Hyde to demand she packs an overnight bag. “You’re staying the night with me at the Forman’s.”

She doesn’t move, stance rigid, and set jaw.

“I don’t need to stay with you Steven. I’m fine. I have my house keeper coming tomorrow morning, I’ll be fine.”

Hyde wants to argue, wants to shout that like fuck he’s gonna leave his chick here in this enormous place all by herself overnight. That she shouldn’t have such a fucking hardhead when it comes to him. That he knows that they started this thing off with steamy makeouts, but she should know it’s moved way passed that. They— their relationship… it means the fucking world to him. This thing they have going for them is probably one of the most important things in his life. Hyde would’ve never risked his friendship with one of his oldest pals if it weren’t.

Honestly, Hyde wants to shout that she should’ve told him when she realized Pam wasn’t coming home. She should’ve trusted him, because yeah Hyde kind of sucks at the whole communicating with words thing. But he still would’ve tried, for her. Hell, he’s pretty terrified because he’s just about sure that there’s not a single thing he wouldn’t do for Jackie freaking Burkhart.

He does none of that. Partly because he has no idea where to even begin, and partly because he knows that even with all their differences, he and Jackie were cut from the same cloth. Both to stubborn for what’s good for them, and both to independent to admit they’d need anything at all from anyone.

So instead of all that, Hyde just putters up to her, rubs a hand up and down her arm with feeling.

“Look i’m kinda accustomed to having someone plastered all up on me while I sleep, and waking up cold cause she stole the blankets. If you don’t come with me I’ll probably never be comfortable in my cot alone.”

Her glower is securely set on her face, but Hyde feels a thaw in her exterior.

“I don’t steal the blankets, you throw them on me.”

“Whatever you say doll,” he kisses her temple, and when she squeezes him in an embrace, he pretends he doesn’t feel her tears seeping through the material of his t-shirt. Just holds her tighter than ever before.

She’s all bubblegum laughter, and butter scotch kisses. Hyde thinks he loves her, thinks he’s always loved her. Hates that it’s taken him so long to tell her as much.

Hates it even more that the first time he’s ever told her so is when the break between them is too raw— too jagged— to be able to mend with pretty platitudes like I love yous. When the thought of him and some random nurse is still seared in her mind, and tales the end of everything he manages to say to her.

Hyde isn’t surprised when she storms out, when she tells him she doesn’t feel the same way. Not anymore. And why should she?

Hyde hates that he let himself fall in love with her. Let himself feel the butterflies in his gut, and the sweat on his palms. Hates that he still thinks she’s the most beautiful, brilliant girl on the face of the planet. Hates that when Kelso tells him that he’s still going after her, all Hyde could think is that she deserves anyone but him, even a prick like Kelso.

Hyde hates that the only girl he’s ever loved is the only girl he’s ever hurt so irrecoverably.

He realizes that he still has a shot with the one girl that’s ever been worth a damn.

He fights for her. She leaves him for the summer, with the question of who she’ll choose still suspended in his every breath

He kisses three other girls that summer, and none of them make him feel like his insides were bursting with something greater than glee. He concludes that the only person who’ll ever make him feel like that is the one person he can never be with again.

Until she tells him she wants to be with him, and he kisses her like the fate of his world depended on it.

“I missed you puddin pop.”

Hyde smiles against Jackie’s lips, swears he’ll never let go of this feeling again.

“I need to know that there’s a future for us.”

It’s the one thing Jackie’s always wanted, and the one thing Hyde’s never been able to give.

Hyde’s seen what marriages do to people. Seen the utter contempt in Edna’s eyes whenever she even so much as looked at Bud. The absolute shit show circus that was the Pinciotti household. The way Pam left her only daughter so callously after finalizing the divorce from the man she married for his money. Hyde knows that the Forman’s are a one in a million kind of deal, and Hyde’s never been one in a million for anything.

Besides Hyde knows Jackie, knows all the intimate parts that string together her person. Knows that she’s a beautiful whirlwind of jutting cheekbones and cunning smirks. Knows that no matter how hard she’d always dreamed of the debonair lifestyle, that she would’ve never been content with him as a partner. A man child with a family history as complicated as Marx’s manifesto, and who’s never been enough for anyone a day in his life.

She goes to Chicago before hearing his answer, (because of course she does). She gets her own segment on the morning show after three and a half months of working there, (because of course she does.) She’s the perfect amalgam of beauty, and wit, all while keeping a finger on the pulse point of popular culture. The camera loves her, and the audience is completely smitten. (Because of course they are.)

Donna tells him all this, and Hyde can do nothing but nod. She’s only confirming what Hyde’s always known was Jackie’s fate. One that’s always been destined for greatness, and had no room for the dirtbag she kissed on her daddy’s pearly white Lincoln when she was sixteen because she was a dumb, starry eyed homecoming queen who thought that she could ever love someone like him.

It hurts like fucking hell, but Hyde knows she’s better off.

But if he keeps the little velvet box still tucked under his favorite Zeppelin shirt in the drawer she use to keep her spare toiletries and tops in for whenever she spent the night— the one that still has a couple of her things that Hyde’s studiously forgotten to remind her were here— well that’s only for him to know.

The Forman’s hold a huge get together for the turn of the decade, with all their family and friends.

Kelso’s playing an intense round of peekaboo with Betsy, while a endeared looking Brooke smiles at the pair of them. Laurie and Fez are off getting handsy upstairs, and Eric and Donna are practically plastered to one another’s sides after so many months apart. Hell even Red and Mrs. Forman are holding hands and sharing fond gazes.

Hyde knows that somewhere in the crowd there’s a pretty, strawberry blonde that Fez invited from work (“because you also need some lovin after Jackie shattered your heart”). He knows that she’s waiting for him to give her the time of day, but knows just as well that he never will.

Hyde opts to grab a beer from the pile, and get away from the lot of love whipped morons he’s surrounded himself with by getting a breath of fresh air in the driveway.

What he doesn’t expect is after ten minutes of contemplating where he’s exactly found himself at twenty years old, a pearly white Lincoln slides up on the curb.

Stunned and a little petrified, he watches as Jackie— still beautiful after almost six months apart, and still haughty looking as all get out with a Gucci bag slung across her shoulder— steps out.

Her pretty, mismatched eyes widen only a fraction once catching sight of him. But she doesn’t demure, walks up to him like it’s nothing. And he thinks that absolute abandon, the way she wore her heart on her sleeve without caring about the consequences, is what proved how much stronger she was over him. How she’s always been the strongest chick he’s ever known.

“Steven.” She speaks his name like a treasure.

“Jackie,” he says like a prayer.

“Thank you for the flowers— all of them, for every show.”

Hyde mentally staggers back, wondering just how she figured it was him that sent them.

“They were Calla Lilies,” she shrugs, seemingly reading his mind. “I always told you that they’d be the flowers for our wedding.”

Hyde takes off his sunglasses, wants to have an unobstructed view of her after so much time apart. Wants to drink her in for as long as possible for when she eventually leaves him again.

“You deserved them. You were always amazing on screen whenever I got to watch you while visiting WB in Chicago.”

She kinks up a brow in silent question.

“We’re thinking of opening a new headquarters there— he wants me to run it— ya know, cause I’m his son and all.”

“Is that so,” the corner’s of her mouth curve up into a small, enchanted smile. One that Hyde returns in earnest.

“Yeah, well that,” he clasps her mitten clad hand with his bare one. Gingerly, questioningly. .

“And I told him that the only person I want to be around happens to live their, and I’d deal with all of Angie’s craziness if it meant that I could be down there with that one person.”

Her smile stretches into a full blown grin, equal parts beautiful and breathtaking. Making Hyde’s insides feel like he’s just been bathed in sunlight.

He doesn’t feel it when the snow starts to trickle down on them, or hear the bell of the new year ring true. All Hyde can focus on is the way Jackie presses up on the tips of her toes, and how her lips still fit so perfectly against his own. How it still feels like his stomach is doing gymnastic routines.

All Hyde could think is that he’s kissing the girl of his dreams in front of her daddy’s pearly white Lincoln, and how it feels like the start of his world as he knows it.

They part only to catch their breath, pressing foreheads against one another, as if terrified to stay apart for long, less the other person will dissipate right before their eyes.

“Hey Jackie.”

“Hmm?”

“That person I was telling WB about… That was you, believe or not.”

“Shut up you pig,” she punches him in the arm and all he could do is smile, feeling something wonderful bloom somewhere deep in his chest.

“Yeah, but you love me.”

“Yeah, well you love me back!”

“Yeah… Yeah I do.”

#Zenmasters #Jackie Burkhart #STEVEN HYDE #JACKIE AND HYDE #Spilled Ink #That 70s Show #SPILT INK

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flightfoot · 5 years ago

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Reconstructing Chameleon: Lies We Tell (Ourselves) - SPOILERS for Chapters 1-12

I’ve read my fair share of Chameleon fics, and more notably, Chameleon salt fics. They were impossible to avoid in the months after Chameleon aired, and even now, a year after it originally aired, it’s still extremely common to see fics pop up taking down Lila and often the entire rest of the class with her.

In Chameleon itself Marinette had a bad day. Her classmates didn’t consider that she might be upset about her seat being changed to be alone at the back without asking. They fell for Lila’s INSANELY stupid lies in the cafeteria. Lila threatened her with making her lose all of her friends, leaving her alone and isolated. And to top it off, Adrien gave some advice that while well-intentioned, was based off of the assumption that Lila wasn’t actively malicious. Since she was, it was counterproductive.

But at the end of the day, everything’s okay. Marinette’s still friends with everyone, all of her friends still like her and think highly of her, that’s it. Lila barely even comes up for the rest of the season, being relegated to cameos except for Oni-chan and Ladybug. Marinette doesn’t bare any grudge against her classmates for falling for Lila’s lies and her classmates still care for her and try to support her. The major negative impact from Chameleon is highly localized to that one episode.

In come the Chameleon salt fics which deconstruct the episode, showing the full effects of those actions on Marinette. The bullying Lila puts Marinette through is exaggerated, and the callousness of the class moreso. They often show the full feelings of betrayal from being dismissed and passed over in favor of a liar, and how they would affect Marinette moving forwards.

A lot of the time the characters are exaggerated and warped in the process. Adrien becomes a victim-blamer who takes Lila’s side and tries to defend her even when she’s obviously and maliciously hurting Marinette, or just doesn’t do a thing to help her when Lila’s targeting her. Alya ignores Marinette’s pleas to listen to her, dismissing her as simply being jealous and thinking that she’s just targeting poor, innocent Lila who’s done nothing wrong. The rest of the class just generally kick Marinette to the curb, completely forgetting their previous strong bonds and simply believing every awful thing that Lila might say or imply about Marinette without question, and lashing out at her when she attacks their new awesome friend.

Marinette arguably gets hit with this worst of all, since there’s really not much basis for the way her character can become warped. She becomes bitter and hostile, setting up situations or taking advantage of whatever situation she finds herself in to take down Lila - but taking the class down with her, often including Adrien and Alya. Marinette even intentionally and deliberately sets up circumstances SPECIFICALLY to hurt her (former) friends, reveling in their pain.

At first it seems like Lies We Tell (Ourselves) may be treading familiar Chameleon salt territory. Marinette’s stopped trying to poke holes in Lila’s lies, following Adrien’s advice. But she’s paranoid, afraid of what Lila may do to try and drive her friends away. Then when she finally gets the courage to confess her feelings to Adrien he turns her down immediately.

In a regular salt fic Adrien would be made out to be a horrible person for this. He’d be twisted into a caricature of himself, becoming someone who will gladly try to silence Marinette when she’s hurting and caring nothing for her feelings when he rejects her. MiniMinou doesn’t do that. He feels TERRIBLE about needing to turn Marinette down, knows that he COULD fall for her, but... he’s in love with Ladybug, and he can’t just change targets. Especially since it would be unfair to Marinette to return her affections when he’s still in love with someone else. He tries to tell Marinette this, that it really isn’t her, it’s him, but she’s still upset and heartbroken. But she doesn’t think any worse of Adrien for it. She can’t stand to see him or be near him for awhile, but she doesn’t think he actually did something wrong.

As for Adrien’s advice about Lila? He honestly has no idea that her lies are having a negative impact on people, much less that she’s maliciously trying to harm anyone. When she tries to manipulate Nino into DJing her party for free a second time by dangling the possibility that XY might show up and recognize his musical talent, Adrien starts to see that something’s up. That Lila’s lies aren’t as harmless as he originally thought.

It’s not unusual for a saltfic to have Adrien find out that Lila’s lies are harmful. But MiniMinou reconstructs this by showing WHY Adrien thought that simply lying wasn’t that bad. Because he’s a liar himself.

He has to lie to protect his secret identity of course, but it goes deeper than that. Adrien has to lie in order to spend time with His Lady. In order to spend time with his friends. The whole persona he puts on as Chat is a mask he wears, one that he enjoys wearing, but - there’s still an element of it being an act. Sometimes he can almost convince himself that yes, this is who he really is, but then his father says or does something that shatters all the bravado he’s built up as Chat. Not that being Adrien is any LESS of an act. He has to be the perfect son in order to get any scrap of love thrown his way. If he fails the act, not only will Gabriel not give him even that, but he’ll pull him from school and the few people in his life who DO give him affection and care consistently. The only one he can’t be isolated from is Ladybug, and even then he has to lie to his father, Nathalie, really everyone in his household about what he’s doing, often setting up music to make it sound like he’s practicing the piano.

Like Lila, he lies often and pervasively and doesn’t feel bad about it because it’s the only way to get any of the love he’s so starved of. He believes that Lila’s the same way, as he never saw her use her lies to hurt others until the incident with Nino. At that point he thinks of speaking up, though it proves unnecessary since Nino has it handled. But the seed was planted. Even earlier when Ladybug was describing the situation with Lila to him (in general terms of course) he was FURIOUS with Lila. Not so much for lying - he’d be a hypocrite if that was his reason - but for deliberately hurting the person he cares for most.

That’s the thing about MiniMinou’s reconstructions - her versions of the characters engage in some of the same things that the salt versions do, but it’s explained WHY they believe and do those things, and it’s never malicious. They’re not perfect people of course, they can make mistakes and sometimes they just don’t realize how they’re hurting others, but they’re ultimately good people and good friends who want to comfort and protect each other, even when mad. They just come at the situation from different viewpoints and with partial knowledge which can lead them to say or do things that end up hurting others in their ignorance, even when they think they’re helping.

Alya’s the starkest example. In Chameleon salt fics she tends to get hit hardest and most frequently with the ‘become a terrible person’ stick. MiniMinou’s Alya starts off with the same basic knowledge and premises that Saltya usually does. She believes Lila’s lies and thinks that Marinette’s hatred towards her is due to jealousy. She tries to push for a reconciliation between the two of them, even asking for Marinette to invite Lila to her group gatherings, so long as Lila does the same.

The differences are, Alya actually has good REASON for believing Lila, and that ultimately Alya doesn’t abandon Marinette, even when she thinks she’s wrong. It’s revealed that Lila told her that Rena Rouge was the reason half the Miraculous team got akumatized on Heroes Day, something that Lila couldn’t have known unless she was there or asked someone who WAS there. And since Lila was supposed to be in Achu and there weren’t any civilians or cameras around to watch the scene and possibly tell Lila that information (well, in MiniMinou’s version. In canon Prime Queen was streaming the whole thing), then logically it made the most sense that Lila was telling the truth and that Ladybug had told her that information. Especially since it matched up with how Ladybug seemed to be mad at her, avoiding her whenever they crossed paths. Making Lila, Ladybug’s supposed BFF, mad didn’t seem like a good idea, especially if she ever wanted a chance to be Rena Rouge again. Not to mention she just doesn’t want Ladybug to be mad at her. She looks up to Ladybug greatly, she’s her idol and her hero! She wants Ladybug to like her.

While her motives here are slightly selfish, Minou never portrays her as a terrible person for it. Her priorities can be slightly skewed, but it’s not a bad thing to want to be a superhero or to enjoy being a superhero, so long as it’s ultimately for good reasons.

And still, Alya stays with Marinette. She comforts Marinette when Adrien rejects her. When Marinette lashes out at Lila for asking her whether she wants to switch seats to get away from Adrien, Alya follows her, even though she’s unhappy with the way Marinette had just treated Lila. When Lila invites everyone to a party except Marinette, Alya elects not to go because it would hurt Marinette. Alya’s caught between two friends who are fighting for reasons she doesn’t understand and tries to do right by both of them; but when push comes to shove, she chooses Marinette. She makes mistakes mostly due to lack of knowledge and some slight tunnel vision rather than any malice, and tries to do the right thing as best she can. It’s just not always clear what the right thing IS.

Lastly there’s Marinette. She too has some characteristics typical of her salt version. She’s bitter and feels betrayed that no one believes that Lila’s awful and that Adrien advised her not to keep trying to expose Lila. She wants someone who’s completely in her corner, like Chat Noir is. Add on being rejected by the love of her life, and it’s not long before butterflies start chasing her.

So like in saltfics, Marinette is DONE. She can’t afford to be akumatized. But unlike with many of those fics, she doesn’t try to take it out on others. She just... retreats. She can’t afford to feel angry or bitter or sad or even too stressed, so she suppresses her feelings and tries to emotionally isolate herself from the situation, at least when she can’t be certain of getting the support she needs, of having people who will fight for her. Unfortunately, that includes Alya. She can see Alya’s perspective on the Lila situation for the most part, but she can’t make herself emotionally vulnerable enough to truly empathize with her position and figure out how to turn things around. She can’t AFFORD to make herself vulnerable right now.

But she never tries to hurt Alya or to wish harm on her, and when Alya’s at the end of her rope after her akumatization, with Nino, Ladybug, AND Chat Noir all seemingly angry at her, Marinette reaches out and throws a movie night to comfort her, like Alya had been comforting her after being rejected by Adrien not long ago. She even pushes through her own discomfort to invite Adrien to the movie night. Marinette’s a bit bitter and feels betrayed, but Alya’s still her friend and she wants the best for her. Marinette just doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to be understanding about the Lila situation right now.

Marinette does, luckily, have an outlet. An escape from the heartbreak of Adrien’s rejection and Lila’s machinations. She lets herself be Ladybug for fun, playing tag with Chat, pulling tricks, and just talking and hanging out with him more, even setting up a special texting app so they can message each other as civilians without blowing their identities. And Chat has her back completely, and she has his. She knows that he’ll fight for her, though he can’t really help her against Lila, he can give her the level and kind of emotional support she’s been craving, and she in turn gives him emotional support that she didn’t even know he needed.

Marinette’s tendency to give and give and GIVE of herself to others to her own detriment also comes up, with Lila spreading a rumor that Marinette was working on new costumes for Kitty Section, setting Marinette up to either disappoint her classmates when she doesn’t deliver on a promise she never made, or to work herself to the point of exhaustion in order to make them, also conveniently taking up all of Marinette’s free time so she couldn’t think about Lila, much less have time to try and do anything about her. But Marinette puts her foot down - gently, but firmly. She tells Rose that that was a mistake. She resolves to put herself first instead of giving so much of herself to other people that she has nothing left. Especially since her classmates seem to take her for granted a bit.

But the bitterness doesn’t fester. She’s putting herself first, but she’s not dragging anyone else down to do so. And while Rose is disappointed that the rumor wasn’t true, no one tries to guilt trip Marinette into making them anyway. She said she had no plans to do so, that it wasn’t true, and that was that. Marinette still feels a compulsion to help everyone and guilty when she doesn’t do more, but she clamps down on it, helping others so long as it doesn’t mean hurting herself.

Minou took some of the bits from Marinette’s typical salt versions - her bitterness, her feelings of betrayal, her desire to escape to people who will be completely in her corner - and tempered them. She’s bitter and feels betrayed but still cares and values her friends and classmates. She wants to escape and be given total emotional support, and she succeeds, but it’s provided by her partner and not OCs or minor characters made prominent by the story. Ultimately however distressed Marinette is she never intentionally sets out to hurt others, and doesn’t believe that anyone’s a bad person besides Lila and Hawkmoth.

MiniMinou’s “Lies We Tell (Ourselves)” is a breath of fresh air after the deluge of Chameleon Salt that started flooding the internet a year ago. It acknowledges the problems and consequences that would logically spring from that episode if the themes carried forward into consequent episodes more, while not warping any of the characters and providing good reasons for their actions. Even when the characters DON’T act 100% altruistically or logically, their actions and mindset remain relatable and make sense from an emotional point of view. It rebuilds what the Chameleon salt tore down, acknowledging the problems and trying to fix them.

And really, that’s what “Lies We Tell (Ourselves)” is at heart; a fix-it fic, aiming to fix the mess that both canon and fanon have been left with, finally rebuilding and repairing what was damaged by canon and destroyed by fanon.

#lies we tell (ourselves)#fanfic analysis #analysis post #miraculous ladybug #my analysis #In case anyone's wondering why I'm putting this one under a Read More when I didn't do that with the other one #I've since discovered that these can be posted to AO3 #So I'm not in danger of losing it if something happens to my tumblr account #And what with the spoilers for Lies We Tell (Ourselves) present in my analysis #I'd rather it was under a Read More if I'm not in danger of losing it

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60b3r · 4 years ago

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Memes Kill Creativity?

Memes vs. Genes

In the 1976 book The Selfish Gene, Richard Dawkins coined the term 'meme' to describe something with symbolic meaning that spreads by imitation from person to person within a culture. This idea is an analogue to the nature of selfish gene, described similarly as a piece of genetic material possessing information required to be able to replicate themselves inside a living. The only key difference in both terms is that the gene is natural, while memes are artificial. The rest of memes' operating schemes completely mimic the genes perfectly. In our current timeline, memes as we know today are taking many forms: as image macros, short videos, and rick-rollicking music. Memes in imageboards and forums have been pushing internet porn traffic into a stalemate and putting our power grid into unnecessary burden. Of course, memes are not to be regretted, but otherwise need to be taken seriously, since they are able to put our current understanding of media industry and economic system into shame.

As with every other thing that have existed, memes are not exempt in its dualistic nature. If you ever venture to the depths of dark web, you may know that memes also took part in the infamous mimetic Tumblr-4chan War. Not only that, some memes are reportedly causing harm towards some users, even though it is often disguised or said to be a dank joke or mere sarcasm. Memes have seen its share of use in online bullying, mass shootings, and hate crimes, cowering behind the freedom of expression tag. Regardless, memes are also an extremely effective form of information transmission. Like all living systems with no set moral standards, memes do evolve and are subject to natural selection. Memes, like genes, actually work like a mindless machine. Again, this is eerily like the performance of DNA in living systems. The last thing we want from this thing is virulence.

Every day, something went viral on Twitter. Hashtags are flaring into the top trends, some videos are being watched billions of times, and another cat vs. cucumber pic garnered thousands of likes. Viral properties of a virus (duh) is defined as the capability to multiply quickly in relatively short amount of time. The term saw a huge increase in usage during the dawn of the internet age and the rise of computer malwares spread through unsecured ports of network protocol. This term is being applied to memes, as it is like a virus (which is a pure embodiment of a selfish gene). Now, a lot of people are utilizing memes to create art, because it enables them to cater the short-attention spans of current internet users. They create shorts, illustrations, inside jokes, and small comic strips. Some of you might not agree with me on this one, but stay with me now and I will explain to you why I would like to treat memes and art as a single unit of interest in this argument.

The dawn of meme-technology

Viral memes and their popularity are now often considered important in defining a time period in the internet culture. Now every netizen can somewhat distinguish the approximate age, sex, and political views of other users from the usage of rage comics, meme songs, and meme platforms they use. Intuitively we can make a generalized difference between the userbase of Reddit, 4chan, 9gag, Vine, and now Tiktok. Others, by the share of relatability with sub-genres of different areas of interest (film memes and game memes). Some others, even, in the perspectives of different social and economic class system (first world problems and third world success memes). Meme preferences to us netizens are ironically giving away our anonymous identity. Identity which the media companies are vying to get their hands on. That's where I would like to come into my opening argument: both memes and genes which originally possesses no intrinsic value, suddenly become a subject of value with technology.

How do we draw the logic, I say? The ones and zeros inside electrical systems are value-free, so does DNA in living cells. As we meddle ourselves with biotechnology to manipulate genetic material for profit, we also simmer ourselves in the computer sciences and tweak physical computation to perform better. We give value in the inanimate object by manipulating them. In our world, we often heard these expressions: that communication is key, sometimes silence is golden, and those who control the information wields the power. What’s these three statements have in common? Yes, information and expression. Memes are the simplest form of both. This is the beginning of the logic: memes are no longer in and on itself independent of external values. The infusion of utilitarian properties in memes as artificial constructs are seemingly inevitable, and for the better or worse shapes our current society.

We might have heard that somewhere somehow, the so called ‘global elites’ with their power and wealth are constantly controlling biotech research and information technology—or, in the contrary, they control these knowledge and resources to keep shovelling money and consolidate their power. Memes are one of their tools to ‘steer’ the world according to their 'progressive agenda', seemingly driving the world ‘forward’ towards innovation and openness. Nah, I am just joking. But, stay with me now. It is actually not them (the so-called global elites) who you should be worried about. It is us—you and I, ourselves—and our own way of unwittingly enjoying memes that are both toxic and fuelling the age-old capitalism. Funny, isn't it? We blame society, but we are society. But how are be becoming the culprits yet also be the prey at the same time?

Middle-class artists are hurt

Now, aggressive marketing tactics using memes are soaring. Media companies are no doubt cashing in the internet and viral memes to their own benefit. Streaming and cataloguing are putting up a good fight compared to their retail, classic ways of content delivery. This is quite true with the strategies of Spotify and YouTube, other media companies alike. They can secure rights to provide high-quality content from big time artists and filmmakers and target these works directly to the end consumer, effectively cutting the cost of distribution which usually goes to the several layers of distribution line like vinyl products, radio contracts, and Blu-ray DVDs. I believe this is good, since it is like an affirmative action for amateur artists to start a career in the art industry. Or is it? Does it really encourage small-time artists to begin? Yes. How about the middle-class artists? Not necessarily.

You might sometimes wonder, “how the hell did I get somewhere just by following the trending or hot section in the feed?”. This toxicity of memes often brings some bad things to our tables. Social media algorithms handle contents (like viral memes) by putting those with high views or likes to the front page, effectively ‘promoting’ the already popular post and creating a positive feedback cycle. By doing so, they could capitalize on ad profits on just few ‘quality’ contents over huge amounts of audience in a very short amount of time. The problem is most of the time, these ‘quality’ contents have no quality at all. They just happen to possess the correct formula to be viral, with the correct SEO keywords and click-bait titles with no real leverage in the art movement. This way, I often find both the talented and the lucky—of which the boundaries between them are always blurred—overshadow the aspiring ‘middle-class’ artists who work hard to perfect their craft.

If you are already a famous guitarist with large fanbase, lucky you, you are almost guaranteed to top the billboards. What, you have no skills? Post a video of you playing ‘air guitar’ and… affirmative actions to the rescue. Keep on riding the hype wave and suddenly you get to top trending with minimal effort, thanks to your weird haircut. Those haters will surely make a meme out of your silly haircut, not even your non-existent guitar skills. But still, hype is still a hype, and there’s no such thing as a bad publication. This also answers why simple account who reposts other people’s content could get much more followers than the hard-working creators. Not only being outperformed by the already famous artists taking social media by storm, now the ‘middle-class’ artists are also dealing with widespread content theft and repost accounts because of the unfair, bot grading system. It is unimaginable how many nobodies got the spotlight they don’t deserve just because they look or act stupid and the whole internet cheers around them. Remember, this is not always about the artist, but also the quality of the art itself. I believe a good art should be meaningful to the beholder.

Why capitalism kills creativity

The problem in current art industry is that we are feeling exhausted with the same, generic, and recycled stuff. We indeed already see there’s less discourse about art now. Sure, the problem lies not in the artist or medium, but is in the viewers—the consumer of the art form—and how the capitalist system reacts to it. The hyper efficient capitalist system doesn’t want to waste any more time and money trying to figure out what’s new or what’s next for you. What we love to see, what is familiar to us, the market delivers them. The rise of viral memes phenomenon in the social media pushes the market system to the point where they demand artists to create the same, redundant, easy art form. Listen to some of The Chainsmokers’ work and we'll see what music have become: the identical 4-chord progression, the same drop, the predictable riser, and the absence of meaningful lyrics. We sat down and watch over the same superhero movies trying hard to be the next Marvel blockbuster. The production companies are also happy not to pay writers extra to come up with new ideas and instead settle with borrowed old scripts from decades old TV drama. Disney's The Lion King and its heavy use of the earlier Japanese Kimba The White Lion storyline is one guilty example.

Despite it initially being an economic system and not a political ideology, it is untrue that many Marxist philosophers usher the suppression of art. While it is ironic that Stalinist policy intends to curb ‘counter-revolutionaries’—in this case his enemies—by limiting freedom of press and media; American propaganda added further so that it seems that the ideology is also limiting art and kill creativity. We all know the Red Scare in the U.S. during the Cold War saw a popular narrative of communism and socialism that is devoid of freedom of expression. This state propaganda then further become ‘dehumanization’ and make freedom of expression invalid under the guise of equality. Marx argue that total equality is not possible, and the uniqueness is being celebrated by having them doing what they do best and provide the best for their community. Thus, an individual's interests should be indistinguishable from the society's interest. Freedom is granted when the whole society is likely to benefit from an action. According to Mao in his Little Red Book, freedom of expression in art and literature, after all, is what initially drive the class consciousness. It is capitalism, not communism, that kills creativity.

If left unchecked, the threat of this feedback loop is going to cause a lack of diversity, resulting in stale content, less art critique, and overall decline in our artistic senses. Artists’ creativity that are supposedly protected by the free internet are destroyed within itself through the sheer overuse of viral memes. Capitalism has successfully turned the supposedly open, free-for-all, value-free platform that is the internet against the people into a media in which they are undeniably shaping new values on its own: the art culture that's not geared towards aesthetics and appreciation, but towards more views and personalized clicks. How social media and media industry caters to the demands of the consumer are, in Marx's own words, “digging its own grave”.

Spare nothing, not even the nostalgia

Well, people romanticize the oldies. The good old days, when everything is seen as better and easier. Look at the new art installations that uses the aesthetics of naughty 90s graphic design to become new, the posters released in this decade but with an art deco of the egregious 80s pop artist Andy Warhol, or the special agent-spy movies set frozen in the Nifty Fifties. Nostalgia offers us a way to escape from the hectic choices of our contemporary: different genres of music, dozens of movies to watch, and different fashion to consider. We choose to settle with our old habits, that we know just works. Remember how do we throw our money on sequels and reboots and remakes of old movies we used to watch during our younger days? We don’t even care about new releases at the cinema! Did you remember how Transformers 2 and their subsequent sequels perform at the box office at their opening week?

The huge sales of figurines and toys of Star Wars franchise—if we could scrutinize them enough—came from the old loyal fanbase of the late Lucasfilm series, not primarily from new viewers. Then suddenly, surprise-surprise. Our love for an old franchise deemed dead enough to be remembered and treasure soon must be destroyed to pave way for three new outrageous sequels (the ones with Kylo Ren and Snoke) by the grace of our beloved capitalism. Sadly, nothing is left untouched by the capitalism’s unforgiving corruption. Nostalgia has become a gimmick that makes people like some art more than they should, because it’s familiar. It is another way of squeezing your pocket dry.

Not that it is bad to make derivatives like covers or remixes, but the trade-offs are far too high. Consequentially, the number of original arts is now very little, because artists don’t bother making new stuff if they just aim for a quick buck. Most of the young adult novels are essentially the same lazy story progression with only different time setting and different character names. Most of them even have the same ending! No more a beautiful journey like the thrillers of Dan Brown or the epic adventures of Tolkien’s Lord of The Rings, which defines their respective times. Do we seriously want to consider Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey as a unique work? Isn’t the Hunger Games and the Maze Runner essentially the same?

If you play video games, you must have known that the trend always starts over. Game developers are making gazillions of sequels, and only a few of them that are actually good. Most are outright trash. Oh, wait, old video games like Homeworld are also getting remasters to cater the demand of nostalgic consumers. No new Command and Conquer release from EA Games? Re-release the 25 years old Red Alert because people will re-buy it! Profit!

15 June 2020 8.03 PM

#essay #writing #exposition #meme #art #capitalism

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ricciardhoney · 5 years ago

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Why you should STOP dragging Daniel Ricciardo into unnecessary drama.

Ah shit, here we go again.

Yes, again, a-fucking-gain and today’s subject is “Daniel’s a dick cause he doesn’t speak about climate change/Australia being on fire”.

Okay, let’s do this step by step, cause y’all are really testing me and my poor braincells or, at least, those few working ones left.

You DO realise that simply speaking about an issue WON’T solve things, right? RIGHT? We all witnessed people worldwide protesting in the streets, trying to make their voice, OUR voice heard; trying to get the attention of the governments, hoping they would actually do something. And how did it end? Well, I’m sure you know the answer.

Sadly, simply speaking about it will raise the awareness on a hand, but won’t stop the fires from spreading across Oz on the other. And you DO realise that this matter already has massive media coverage all over the world, right? Even if Daniel took time to speak about it nothing would really change. What could he possibly do MORE than the news do? I saw someone suggesting he should start a gofundme, but c’mon guys, I know drama lovers like you too damn well not to know you would call him out for not donating himself since “he’s rich enough to do so”. Just say you hate him, really, it’s easier for you and for us fans too.

Did he perhaps tell you he doesn’t give a shit? Or that he isn’t donating a cent? NO, but I get it: it’s so easy to shit on someone, especially when you don’t like them, although you know NOTHING about them or what they’re doing.

Not speaking about an issue doesn’t equal not giving a single fuck. Seriously guys, it’s his home country, DO YOU REALLY THINK HE DOESN’T CARE? And just because you expect him to post something on social medias? Fuck’s sake... You’re all so obsessed by trying to get all the attention online that you think if someone doesn’t behave as obsessively as you do, then they’re a selfish piece of shit who don’t use their visibility and influence to talk about an important issue. Wake the fuck up, guys. Just because he doesn’t like to brag about something like YOU do, it doesn’t mean he’s not doing anything. According to your controversial statements, every other driver on the grid - except for Max - should be blamed for not rasing the awareness. But nooo, let’s portray Daniel as the bad guy just because it’s his home country! Yay! Genius!

Also, since I sadly witnessed - more than once - that us Ricciardo fans aren’t taken seriously, ‘cause yeah, we’re basically considered thirsty thots (funny and interesting how this doesn’t happen with Charles’ fans thirsting over him, Lewis’ and others, but okay, I guess I’ll go fuck myself then), I just wanted to make clear that defending him doesn’t mean being up his ass, as some gentle soul accused us of. We’re simply answering to delusional statements with logical facts.

I saw anons (you act tough and hide behind anonimity, wow) wishing his farm would burn down in order to “get him interested in the cause”. I’ve rarely saw people as rotten inside as these ones, but let me tell you something: you’re not any better, really.

And I think it’s hilarious that’s always the same account (whose credibility has been questioned more than once on other social medias by multiple f1 fans, not necessarily Daniel’s) starting drama over literally nothing and always about, surprise surprise, Daniel.

You’re really giving me, us, a hard time. Imagine being so immature, so childish NOT to acknowledge that you’re saying a shit ton of bullshit instead of admitting you’ve thrown a tantrum out of boredom. Imagine being so annoying that you had me to download this app just to call you out for once and - I hope - for all, because you didn’t reply to a message similar to this freaking post. What was the matter? Did you low key knew you were wrong the whole time once I faced you with facts? Were you ashamed to make public a post inviting you to get informed on what Daniel does out of genuine interest, such as being a member of The Inner Ninja Foundation (mental health and suicide prevention) or the Racing for MNDI? See? Just because he doesn’t BRAG about being a nice person, it doesn’t mean he isn’t. You can be a nice guy even without posting it on social medias just to say “Hey, look at me! I’m so generous!”. Yeah, you are but you’re low key doing it for some attention too.

It’s time for you guys to grow the fuck up, to stop starting unnecessary drama. We’re in a sport fandom, for fuck’s sake, not some boyband.

UPDATE: See? Y'all a bunch of stupid haters, stay PRESSED

#danielricciardo #ricciardo #f1 #formula1 #stop making drama dear god :)))#i might’ve snapped for the 63794th time

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homespork-review · 5 years ago

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Homespork Act 1: The Note Dawdling Tension Plays (Part 2)

BRIGHT: The next bit of narration continues to establish John’s character: he has no idea what to call the red arm on the mailbox, and doesn’t care. We also learn that much like many teenagers, he doesn’t want to spend hours with his Dad. The author uses this opportunity to drop in a reference to the title.

The next page has a loading screen! I think this is the first interactive page in the comic. (For a certain value of interactive - you can mouseover the vertical lines of the games in the CD rack, and the cover of the game will pop up. Some of these link you to other works by Hussie.)

CHEL: Unfortunately, we then go into sylladex shenanigans AGAIN. Mercifully, this time it’s brief. We’ll let this one go, but I’ve got one eye on you, Huss.

TG messages John again, making reference to “TT”, who is confirmed female and alleged to be “mackin on” TG, and to his “bro” who “basically knows everything and is awesome”. How sincere he is in either of those remains to be seen. Finally, John actually gets told how to use his sylladex. Maybe the shenanigans will stop now… Anyway, he selects hammers for his strife specibus, or his weapon of choice, and the sylladex is confirmed able to hold things which would be too big to carry normally, such as Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery, a book roughly as big as John is. At least the stupid sylladex actually has some practical use - I’m sure John’s as happy as I am to know that!

Next we see the review which put TG off; GameBro magazine explains “Why the ‘Game of the Year’ or whatever isn’t as good as some other stuff I like that’s better”. As it turns out once you get past the Totally Radical verbiage, the reviewer didn’t even play it. Something suspect’s definitely going on if it’s so hyped up on so little information… erm, is it just me or is the term “Brotel Rwanda” rather tacky? I don’t know if that’s worth a point, the point of the joke could be that the game reviewer is an idiot…

FAILURE ARTIST: I’d have that squarely as a point.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 1

CHEL: Okay, then, here’s our fourth count. Title is a reference to a line later in the comic, and I think the point of the count is pretty obvious. Mileage may vary, all works would get at least a couple points in this, and I don’t think it’s a big problem unless/until it starts to climb out of proportion. Not gonna use a WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM count because the reviewer, as seen in the pic, is supposed to be a white guy.

Regarding the rest of the review, I did consider whether this falls under the heading of HNTWAN’s “I, Youngster” (using slang or references from one’s own youth to write a contemporary younger person), but I’d say no, because it’s supposed to sound ridiculous. Same with John’s movies; his taste is supposed to be bad, I don’t think Hussie actually thinks kids in 2009 still all liked bad movies from before they were born. That, and Hussie’s word choices are frankly like nothing I’ve ever seen anywhere else in any time period.

We shall move on, as so is the comic. Forty-seven pages into the comic, the main character finally leaves his bedroom. Wow. Things are happening at breakneck speed here.

TIER: Truly the pace strides forward like a Colossus through Lilliput.

GET ON WITH IT!: 2

CHEL: Though the silly Groucho Marx disguise he puts on is cute.

BRIGHT: Of course, since it would be interesting to see what’s in the mailbox (or at least would move the plot along a bit), John spends the next few pages examining his home.

I’m torn about this. On the one hand, it does a bit more fleshing out of John and his home life, which is more interesting than endless sylladex shenanigans, and the narration is entertaining. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure that on my first read through I clicked through all of it, trying to get to something happening. It holds up better on the re-read to me.

Well, something does happen, John knocks over the urn containing his grandmother’s ashes and opens a box from his father which holds a full-sized harlequin doll. Again, how much this appeals depends on what you think of ‘loveable dork’ characters fumbling around.

Then we return briefly to John’s bedroom, where we meet the third character of this webcomic, tentacleTherapist, or the alluded-to TT. The conversation isn’t very long, but it does give a good sense of what TT is like.

CHEL: Specifically, prone to sarcasm and sesquipedalian loquaciousness. Also to inappropriate jokes. An invocation of the hentai trope "tentacle rape" (read her handle quickly) is a fairly uncomfortable username for a child to have.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 2

Anyway, it seems she knows John very well - she’s able to guess he’s wearing “one of your disguises” with no clue in his messages, so evidently he does this a lot. She’s probably the smartest character introduced so far, and she and John seem to have a good relationship.

Now, again, this was originally a reader-driven forum game, but when it was collated into a webcomic, it might have been better to have the conversation with TT moved to before John left the room, so we’re not going back and forth unnecessarily. One journey through the house is enough, I’d say. Another GET ON WITH IT point, or does this come under the heading of the second point still? I’ll be nice and not count it, since he was going back to fetch an item and not just randomly wandering.

We definitely get more points from the text in Colonel Sassacre’s joke book:

And what of that tawny gent who puts his lackadaisical lean near the sarsaparilla font? You’ll have that listless octoroon find the spring in his step just yet! CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 3 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 2

The point of these lines is that the text is outdated and racist, not that it should be emulated, but the “outdated” point was more than got across by the language used already. And it would seem fairly weird for a person who wasn’t white to read a line like that and not comment on it - okay, maybe John’s read it before and is used to it, but the narrator ought to point that out if it had ever bothered him.

FAILURE ARTIST: Colonel Sassacre is basically Mark Twain with a party hat photoshopped on to him. Mark Twain’s most famous work, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, has gotten into trouble in recent years because of the name of one of the characters: [N-word] Jim. The novel is progressive for its time but it hasn’t aged well. I’m guessing Colonel Sassacre’s unnecessary racism is a nod to that controversy.

CHEL: Get used to Photoshopped depictions of real people, too.

BRIGHT: John ventures out into the house again, ostensibly to retrieve the game but really to stick his fake arms to the harlequin doll and nose around his father’s study. Should the comment about the peanut allergy count towards ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY? In context with the can of peanuts I think there’s meant to be a joke here…

There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon. A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with.

CHEL: That line? Yeah, it's a reference to the snake nut can prank item - have you seen those on cartoons, where someone offers canned snacks and a spring-loaded toy snake pops out? A dark joke, sure, but my sense of humour tends to run that way and I loled. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS instead, possibly? I don’t know if people with life-threatening allergies would be offended by this - the joke isn’t that they’re weak or stupid or anything, the joke is the play on the reader’s expectations. I wouldn’t mind it if I had a peanut allergy, but as I said, my sense of humour is pretty dark.

FAILURE ARTIST: I feel like if a certain other parent we meet later did that people would take it as abusive.

CHEL: My assumption was that John’s dad didn’t actually mean to give him food that would kill him, that was just an unfortunate way of finding out he was allergic, but in this comic, who the fuck knows?... Come to think of it, maybe he did mean to. Peanut allergies run in families and it’s established much later on that one of the relatives involved (it gets complicated) also has a deadly peanut allergy, so it would seem logical that Dad would also have one and thus wouldn’t have them around to eat himself. Even if he did, that’s a bad move with an allergic person in the house. Maybe it is worth an ARE YOU TRYING point, then? Maybe this is just overanalysing, but then overanalysing is the whole point of this exercise, so there it goes!

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 1

For clarification of the listed counts, this isn’t going under CALL CPA PLEASE because that one’s for when the kids do something disturbing themselves. We’ll show you what we mean when it comes up. We'll be nice and let Rose have an inappropriate username, that's not out of the ordinary for kids that age.

And speaking of said points, what about Dad giving John at least four birthday cakes? (He has two untouched ones in his room at the point he says he’s been eating cake all day, and Dad soon tries to give him yet another one.) That sounds cool from a thirteen-year-old’s point of view, but it kinda comes across as if Dad’s trying to feed him to death, and intentionally making kids horribly unhealthy can be a form of abuse. Or possibly to make up for something awful he knows about… Is the latter further evidence for the “guardians know about what’s coming” theory? Dad’s coddling John because he knows horrible things are going to happen? Hell, were the peanuts an attempted mercy kill, if we wanna get really tinfoil hat about it?

All that’s for later, though. Meantime, we get our first page with sound, as John plays “Showtime”, a nifty little piano tune.

"Homestuck // Showtime (Piano Refrain) // Piano" (Watch on YouTube)

The other kids get their own individual little musical parts too, later on, which merge to form one full piece.

FAILURE ARTIST: Music is a big draw in Homestuck. Not just these four main characters but pretty much every character has their own leitmotif.

#homestuck #homespork #let's read #review #reread #sporking #literary critique #homestuck meta

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thismanateelovestowrite · 6 years ago

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When you and Kihyun make up after a fight

Thank you so much for the request~ I’m not sure if this is enough to fulfill your angst needs but I really wanted to write something like this, so I hope it’s satisfactory nevertheless! ^^

blue really wore me out in terms of writing angst so i really wanted to write something a little less heavy which i really hope wasn't a bad decision... ANYWAY i had the most fun ever imagining a soft university bf kihyun T-T

Words: 2696

Angsty with a somewhat fluffy ending

Requested by @jjangmishi ♥

”Wow,” Jooheon exclaimed and leaned back in his chair. “That sounds bad.”

You sighed and poked the unappetizing food on your tray with your utensil. “I know…”

“Two weeks is a long time. Like, really long. Especially for you two.”

“I know,” you repeated.

“And just because of some argument? That’s just stupid.”

“I know,” you frowned at him. “Just… give me some advice. You’ve dated a bunch before.”

He smiled smugly. “Well, I guess you could say so.”

“Is dating three times considered a bunch these days?” Hyunwoo walked to the table with his tray and sat down next to you with an innocent look. “What about me, then?”

Jooheon snorted. “You’ve dated so much just because you can’t say no. Have you ever actually loved someone?”

“Who are you to talk to your senior like that?” Hyunwoo gave him a look.

“Senior, my ass. We’ve been friends since, like, forever. Don’t pull your I’ve-been-attending-this-uni-for-a-few-more-years-than-you card on me now!”

Hyunwoo snickered and began to eat with a smug smile on his face.

“Anyway, ______,” Jooheon looked at you. “That dude is too stubborn to take the initiative, so you need to be the rational person. Contact him, talk it out, relationship saved. You can thank me later.”

“Did you have a fight with Kihyun?” Hyunwoo spoke with food in his mouth, receiving a disgusted look from Jooheon for it.

You nodded. “We haven’t talked in two weeks... Do you have any advice?”

Both Jooheon and you waited in anticipation as he took his sweet time swallowing the food in his mouth.

“I don’t know. Isn’t breaking up a pretty solid solution?” his words shocked you and Jooheon.

“Hey, that’s insensitive!” Jooheon glared at him. “They’ve been together for, like, three years.”

“But you still give each other the silent treatment after an argument?” Hyunwoo’s innocently spoken words made your heart ache. “That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.”

“But-“

“In all seriousness, I think you two should have a talk like Jooheon said,” he cut you off. “I can’t promise that it will fix everything but that’s the magic of relationships, right? You can learn from your mistakes and grow together.”

“Wow,” Jooheon exclaimed and clapped. “I’ve never heard you say anything so wise. Did you read a book or something?”

Hyunwoo nodded and the two giggled like two little girls while you still felt helpless. Even though their advice sounded logical, you struggled with the thought of actually contacting him. When you thought back at the fight, it didn’t feel all that simple to make up.

***

There was a small lump inside your throat as you exited the lecture hall.

So much work to do yet I understood nothing… Why are all my courses like that now? Should I just take time off? I’m sure no one would mind…

You could hear someone call your name almost immediately after you had stepped out into the corridor. You turned around but regretted your decision immediately and made a weak attempt to act like you didn’t notice the two seniors hurrying towards you.

“That’s an awfully thick pile of papers,” one of them stated as soon as they caught up with you.

“Oh, hello,” you forced a smile as if you were the least bit happy to see them.

“It’s Friday!” the other appeared on your other side. “You know what that means!”

You looked at both in confusion and could feel the nervousness growing in your stomach. “No… I don’t?”

“You’ve forgotten already?” he pouted.

“You promised us last week that you would buy us drinks today,” the other reminded you.

Crap…

You cursed at your past self for using such a stupid strategy to avoid drinking with them. “I, um… Have a ton of school work to do, so… Some other time? I know a lot of people probably want to drink with you anyways.”

Actually, I can’t think of anyone like that…

“Aww, don’t be like that,” they both whined. “You can do that later.”

“But-“

“You lost in rock, paper, scissors,” one reminded. “No can do.”

“We’ll get really mad if you don’t keep your promise,” the other said teasingly and you wanted to take a big step away from him, feeling uncomfortable.

“I… I guess today’s fine…” you said instead, at this point just wanting to get rid of them.

They celebrated your statement among themselves and hopped ahead of you. “We’ll text you the location later.”

You nodded with a forced smile and they finally left you. A sigh escaped your lips. You felt like the exhausting day wasn’t going to end well.

I really miss Kihyun…

***

“Jooheon said that I can’t say ‘no’ but I think you’re the same,” Hyunwoo gave you a look as you two stood in front of the bar the two seniors had texted you about.

“Thanks for tagging along,” you felt relieved to have him around. “I’m kind of uncomfortable around them. I would have called Kihyun but… You know…”

“No problem, I get it,” he smiled. “Besides, I don’t think any junior should be left alone with those two. Especially not you.”

You followed him inside and your gaze landed on the two seniors immediately. They had already started to pour drinks into glasses and you felt a sting in your heart.

I wonder how much money I will have left after this fiasco…

“Ooh! Look who has arrived!” they noticed you loudly and you two walked over to their table.

“Why are you here?” one asked when Hyunwoo sat down next to him.

“To make sure that you don’t make your junior broke,” he stated calmly and poured himself a drink while you sat down beside him.

“What? Us? What kind of people do you think we are?” they acted shocked in an overly-dramatic way.

“You know where you lie on the asshole scale, don’t act like you don’t,” Hyunwoo sighed and downed a drink.

The two didn’t seem too ashamed of themselves but didn’t say anything in return, either. You felt incredibly relieved to have Hyunwoo with you as the night progressed, eventually turning the two seniors drunk. They babbled on and on about how tired they were with school and job-hunting, badmouthing different professors and students while they were at it.

“I heard you’re dating Yoo Kihyun,” one hiccupped and pointed at you after they had filled you in on the unnecessary details about a certain student’s “scandalous” love life. “How is it? Are you having fun?”

“Didn’t Kihyun date with your twin in the past or something?” the other asked him before you managed to answer. “Weren’t the two, like, high school sweethearts or something? Super lovey-dovey and stuff?”

While you didn’t feel jealousy, the topic bothered you as you had talked about the topic with Kihyun before and knew how the relationship had ended.

“That asshole broke her heart! I’m still waiting for my chance to make him pay…” the guy looked at you. “Maybe you could help me with that?”

The look in his eyes creeped you out and you avoided his gaze. “I don’t think there’s any reason he should take responsibility for what happened,” you said with a rather serious tone.

There was a brief silence during which you mustered up the courage to look at the senior straight in the eye with a stern look.

“And why shouldn’t he?” the drunk guy asked. “Breaking up with someone over text is the worst thing ever!”

“He only did that because he knew how your twin would react! He didn’t want to deal with all that crap!” you raised your voice and stood up. You knew how horrible the breakup had been for Kihyun, enough for him to be unable to stop crying while he had told you about it. Hence why hearing someone talk about him with such a disrespectful tone really made your blood boil.

“I think we should end the night here,” Hyunwoo said calmly before the guy could start yelling. “You two seem really drunk,” he frowned slightly at the mess the two had become. “Plus, I don’t think it’s polite towards Kihyun for us to keep drinking with you way past midnight,” he said to you.

***

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Hyunwoo asked you with a worried look while helping the two adult men stay on their feet. “I already texted Kihyun but you’ll need to take the bus alone.”

“I’ll be fine,” you reassured him, though slightly flustered at the unexpected mention of your boyfriend. “Thanks for worrying, though.”

I actually feel more nervous at the thought of seeing Kihyun than going home alone this late…

“I feel like a complete asshole for not taking care of you. Should I call someone to take care of these two, after all?”

“No, it’s okay. It’s not like this is my first time. Also, you know how peaceful my neighborhood is,” you smiled. “I think those two need more help, anyway. While the thought of someone bumping into them with a car really tempts me, I don’t think we should allow such a thing to happen.”

Though he still didn’t look sure, you two eventually parted ways as you headed to the nearest bus stop and he tried to make sure that the two wouldn’t die on their way home.

While waiting for the bus, you let out a heavy sigh. Even though the total cost of the drinks had been less than you had expected, it had still been quite the hit for your bank account.

I was really looking forward to finally buying that CD, though...

While listening to some music through your earphones, you thought about the day with a heavy heart. Out of the stressful few months you had had, this day had been the most exhausting by far.

You got quite melancholic while looking outside from the mirror beside you. The bus drove past many couples that walked on the street while holding hands.

It would be so nice to have Kihyun here right now…

You glanced at the seat next to you only to realize that the bus was about to arrive at your stop. Slightly panicked, you quickly got up and luckily got off at the right stop. You let out a sigh of relief and as you breathed in the fresh night air, you began to walk home. The streetlamps it your way with their warm light and you subconsciously tried to match your steps with the beat of the song you were listening to.

Oh, yeah…

Your pace grew slower as you remembered Hyunwoo’s comment from earlier. Eventually, you stopped and scanned your surroundings rather nervously. When you turned around, you jumped in surprise when you discovered someone standing right behind you.

“Whoa,” a familiar voice said, just as surprised as you. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

After the initial shock wore off, you quickly recognized the person standing in front of you. “Oh…” you took off your earphones and breathed out in relief though the nervousness was growing inside you at a rather quick pace.

You and Kihyun stood there in silence, just staring at each other. A lump grew inside your throat as you looked at his familiar features, realizing how much you had missed seeing him face-to-face.

“I got Hyunwoo’s text,” he said with a slightly worried look while you felt tears gather in your eyes. “I… I’m so sorry for not being there for you… You must have had a horrible day…”

While his apology comforted you, it also made you feel bad for him. “I’m sorry for not telling you… You had to hear it from a friend…”

You tried to discreetly dry your tears while staring at your feet.

“I’ll walk you home,” Kihyun said rather softly and you nodded.

You two walked the short distance in silence, not even glancing at each other. It felt slightly awkward for you but having him there also felt somewhat comforting. You subconsciously matched your steps with his while staring at the pavement.

Once you two stopped in front of the apartment building, you looked at each other properly for the first time.

“Well… I’ll leave now,” he said and your heart ached slightly. “See you.”

Following your heart’s orders, you grabbed his hand in a hurry. He turned around, looking surprised.

“Can’t you stay a little longer?” you asked, feeling like you would regret it later if you let him go now. “I… I think we should talk…”

***

This feels somewhat wrong…

Kihyun laid down the steaming pot in front of you on the table and sat down opposite you.

“I’m sorry for making you cook…” you said apologetically. “It’s really late, too…”

“It’s okay,” he said and handed you a pair of chopsticks. “I like making ramen for you, anyway.”

You smiled faintly as you two began to eat. After a while, you stopped and looked at him. You wanted to open your mouth and talk about the fight but couldn’t. It frustrated you how scared you were to talk about it.

“Ah,” Kihyun exclaimed softly and got up.

You watched how he exited the kitchen, looking slightly hurried. “What is it?”

He returned in silence, holding his backpack in his hands. Confused, you just stared as him as he walked to the table and opened the backpack as if looking for something. “It should be here somewhere…” he mumbled and his face lit up as he found what he was looking for.

As he pulled it out, you couldn’t believe your eyes. “You…” you said breathlessly as he handed the CD to you. “You bought this?” you looked at him with wide eyes and for the first time in a long time, you saw a smile on his lips.

“Yeah, for you. You didn’t buy it yet, did you?” he asked cautiously.

While looking at him, tears gathered in your eyes. You shook your head as an answer to his question and could feel the tears spill.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked, sounding taken aback.

“I… I’m sorry about saying all those horrible things to you…” you sobbed while trying to wipe the tears away. “I feel really horrible about the whole thing, really… I feel like it could have all been avoided if I had just talked about my emotions a little more…”

After a short silence, you could feel Kihyun wrap his arms around you. “I’m sorry, too… It was my fault, too…” he sounded just as heartbroken and you wrapped your arms around him. “I let my stress pile up… And then I just exploded like that…”

You two kept apologizing to each other until you both ran out of things to say other than just “I’m sorry”. By then, you had stopped crying and as you leaned back to look at him, you noticed that there were remains of tears on his face, too. As you helped each other wipe away those remains on your faces, your lips curved into smiles.

You pecked his lips, finding his sweet smile irresistible. His smile only widened and he did the same thing, this time ending it with a tight hug. As you two swayed very slightly, embracing each other warmly, you felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your heart.

“Hyunwoo told me earlier,” Kihyun started and you leaned back slightly to look at him. “That the magic of relationships is that you can learn from your mistakes and grow together. I think that thought fits this situation really well.”

“Me too,” you nodded with a smile. “He actually told me the same exact thing earlier today.”

Kihyun looked at you in surprise but soon became amused. “Is he our own little cupid or something?”

You two snickered at the thought together.

“Maybe there will be a day when we can give him advice instead,” you wondered.

“Maybe,” Kihyun smiled and pecked your forehead. Then he continued to hug you until you two realized that the ramen had become uneatable and you two decided to just go to bed and cuddle until both of you fell asleep.

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yashalex · 6 years ago

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crash and burn, baby. crash and burn [Chaters 5 - 8] Chaters 1 - 4 are here It’s not a problem when your best mate finds a new crush and forgets about you. It’s the problem when his crush takes an interest in you and you don’t really mind. Or: Lucas Lallemant, a new guy in the school, attracts Eliott’s best mate attention… and not just his.

Chapter 5 What can be better than coming home and finding Lucas Lallemant in your living room, right?

The weather was shitty. And it described Eliott’s mood perfectly. The rain couldn’t stop pouring, and it looked like the wind had a goal to blow away everything that it met on its way. Eliott really felt this atmosphere, especially when he was watching the nature powers taking control over the city out of the window of the cafe for the last half an hour. Unfortunately, no storm could stop his parents from seeing him, and he’s already agreed to it yesterday. Now he wasn’t sure that it was such a wise move, but he couldn’t change anything. He had to get his act together and deal with it.

“Are you sure that you’re alright?” His mother asked him once again, constantly keeping an eye on him. That was annoying.

“As I’ve already said,” Eliott highlighted this part of the sentence particularly as it really wasn’t the first time they’ve been discussing it that day. “I take my pills, don’t smoke and I don’t drink what I shouldn’t drink. I do everything by the book.” In other words, he was living his new boring life of a perfect but sometimes fucked-up son.

“Eliott, I think that’s not what your mother meant,” His father noted, having grabbed Eliott’s mother’s hand. Eliott couldn’t shake the feeling that he was here more for her sake rather than his son’s. “You almost don’t talk with us anymore, so we have no idea what’s going in your life. You are even ignoring Lucile nowadays. So don’t act surprised when we become worried.” If his mother’s tone was soft and caring, Eliott’s father was speaking with clear condemnation in his voice.

“I’m sorry, but I literally have nothing to tell,” Eliott tried to explain what in reality was the truth. “I wake up, go to school, eat, come home, do my homework, eat and go to bed. Nothing exciting.” Even the thought about how meaningless his life has become was crushing him inside. That wasn’t a life for Eliott Demaury, but that was the life he had to choose.

“Darling, you still look very tired,” his mother couldn’t let it got.

“I just didn’t sleep well. That’s all.”

“Why? Is something bothering you?” His mother leaned over the table with deep concern in her eyes. And Eliott couldn’t stand this, so he looked down at his knees.

Of course, he did not intend to tell his parents what really has been keeping him up all night. He couldn’t tell them that one message from some boy was enough for him to lose his head. They’d have considered it as an alarm, and he couldn’t let it happen. If they found a reason to think that Eliott was in the zone of danger again, they would never leave him alone and that would literally kill him. He couldn’t be their captive anymore.

Of course, it wasn’t the only reason he kept silent about it… he also wasn’t ready to admit the truth himself. So that’s why he said what he’s made himself to believe in, “No. It’s just Emile came back home late, and he was very drunk, so I couldn’t concentrate on my sleep.” Partly that was the truth. Emile really returned late, and he clearly wasn’t sober, and he was making a lot of noises, so it sounded quite logical.

“Well, if it’s a problem to live with him now, then maybe you should consider coming back to us?” His mother suggested, and Eliott rolled his eyes. He knew that she would try this again. She never lost the hope to win him back. His mother wasn’t against Emile, but she did mind Eliott’s living apart from them. She didn’t understand. Actually, it was mainly his father, who let him go and made his mother accept it. Eliott really appreciated it.

“I’m fine with Emile, thanks.” He didn’t want to sound rude, but he was tired of this topic.

“Ok, if you say so.” His mother was upset, and she didn’t really try to hide it. But what Eliott could do? He had to choose what was the best for him, and living with his parents wasn’t even an option anymore.

“Actually, in that case, we have some news,” his father said, and suddenly he was looking very nervous. And Eliott’ mother’s face changed too. Apparently, Eliott was about to know the real reason why they wanted to meet him today. “I’ve got a job offer in Strasbourg. It’s only for six months, but it’s a good opportunity for…”

“Are you moving away?” Eliott interrupted him.

“Well, we’re only considering it. Nothing is decided, but I need to give an answer at the end of this month,” his father explained. And Eliott was amazed how worried his old man was. Even during the hardest times he always remained calm and sensible, but now his nerves began to take over him.

“That’s a good thing, right?” Eliott asked, and his father nodded his head.

“But it means that if your father agrees, we’ll have to leave at the end of the month,” his mother said.

“And you’re worried about me!” Eliott put two and two together. Of course, they haven’t said “yes” yet because of him. How stupid he was not to understand it straight away?

“Of course, we are!” His mother exclaimed. “Actually, we wanted to offer you to join us…” She murmured, and Eliott chuckled. Of course!

“But before you kick off, we know that you won’t agree. We are not stupid!” Eliott’s father meddled in faster than Eliott managed to say something.

“We don’t want you to think that we’re leaving you and that we’re bad parents…” His mother said, and the tears came to her eyes. Eliott knew that he needed to act immediately.

“You are being bad parents? Seriously?” He smiled and extended his hands to her. Their hands touched and she smiled at it. “You were the best parents and support I could wish for! You’ve done so much for me, and there is no way I would ever let you throw your life away because of me! So if you want to take this chance then take it. I will be alright. And I’m already eighteen so it won’t be a problem,” he said, and it looked like his words have worked. His parents looked relieved now.

“Are you sure?” Eliott’s father asked.

“Absolutely.” He smiled again, hoping that they would make the right decision after all. Their life would be so much better without him. And if they really began to consider running away now then they definitely should do it.

By the time Eliott got back home, he was drenched. It didn’t look like the rain was going to end any time soon and such word as «umbrella» was something unknown to him. Of course, he had to promise his parents that he would take a taxi for them to let him go, but that was another lie. He enjoyed such a chaotic whether too much to miss the moment of enjoying it fully. And was there any place that could have been better for it than a dark alley under the bridge? Eliott definitely didn’t think so. He was sitting there for hours, absorbing the atmosphere and abstracting himself from this world. And for a while, it worked. He forgot about all his concerns. But that was until he got back home.

“What the fuck?” He exclaimed when he saw a group of the boys with Emile in their living room. And that wasn't just any boys. It was Lucas and his mates. A tall, muscular black bloke, a skinny blonde with curly hair and glasses, another skinny guy with crazy hair and weird look on his face and Lucas. Lucas looking like an angel with his soft hair, charming smile and blue eyes. He was sitting on the floor together with Emile, and before Eliott turned up the company was loudly discussing something, looking at the boy.

“Eliott! What the fuck?! You’re all wet!” Emile shouted as soon as he saw Eliott. The guy jumped out on his feet and rushed to him.

“I’m fine. I didn’t know we have guests today.” Eliott ignored his friend’s concern.

“Well, we agreed to meet yesterday at the party and when the weather went to shit I suggested hanging out at ours. You don’t mind, right?”

Actually, Eliott did mind, and Emile probably has guessed it himself. That was one of the bad habits of Eliott’s best friend: he loved organizing stuff in the flat not asking what Eliott was thinking about it. And Eliott got used to it eventually, but seeing here the boy, who has become the reason for him not sleeping, was too much. But he had no energy for a fight either. Especially when there were people whom he knew nothing about near them.

“Whatever,” he muttered and went to his room, trying his best not to look at Emile’s new friends. But he felt how their eyes were watching him. How his eyes were still watching him.

Emile didn’t let him go so easily. He followed him to his room.

“Eliott, mate, are you alright?”

“Yes.” No, he actually wasn’t.

“How was the meeting with your parents?” Emile just couldn’t stop.

“Fine.” No, that was far away from fine.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emile sounded too worried, it was only making Eliott angrier.

“No.” Eliott took off all his clothes and settled on his bed, having turned away from his friend. He hoped that he would take a hint. And he did.

“Ok, but if you want to talk, you know where I am,” Emile said, and Eliott’s heard the slam of the door.

He didn’t really know what was bothering him about Emile’s presence so much, but he didn’t want him near now. Not when he had a better company to spend his time with. And Eliott was alright on his own. He had no powers for any of his life’s shits right now. He just needed to rest, so he closed his eyes and dozed off.

Eliott didn’t know how much he slept, but when he woke up it was quite dark outside. At least he was feeling better now. And also he felt guilty because he was obviously unnecessary rude to Emile and maybe he wasn’t really welcoming with his new mates. That wasn’t right of Eliott, and he didn’t like that situation. So after a couple of minutes of thinking, he decided to go and fix this, at least with Emile.

While he was putting his clothes on, he couldn’t but noticed that it was suspiciously quiet outside of his room. It wasn’t in the style of Emile and his «quiet evening with the friends». Eliott even thought that the guys decided to change the location at the end, but decided to come out and check anyway. And as soon as he saw that the lights of the room were off, he was almost sure that the company’s gone, so when he saw a dark silhouette sitting on the couch, he jumped up.

“Fuck!” He whispered when Lucas turned his head and looked at him. “What the fuck are you doing here sitting in the dark?” Eliott asked, looking for the switch on the wall.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Lucas sounded really apologetic.

“And where are Emile and your friends?” Eliott asked and finally turned on the light. And the minute the boy’s face was lightened Eliott was shooked by it. Not by its beauty as usual but by its sadness, which was written all over it.

“The boys went home. I stayed with Emile for another round, and then he began to fall asleep and I led him to his bed. He can’t drink, right?” Lucas smiled at Eliott, but all Eliott could see were his eye. His eyes looked no blue but redd now. It looked like he was crying. “Sorry! You must be wondering what I'm still doing here.” Lucas giggled nervously, and that gave Eliott goosebumps. “I’m already leaving!” Lucas began to fuss looking for something around him.

“No!” Eliott said and it probably sounded too sharply as Lucas looked at him scared. As if he was caught at the crime scene. “You’ve been stalking me for days, so surely you won’t reject drinking with me, right?” Eliott grinned at the boy, and he looked at him confused.

“I thought you are not drinking?” He asked and Eliott smirked.

“Well, there are always exceptions. I had a really shitty day, so…”

“There is no problem which a couple of bottles of beer couldn’t solve.” The boy finished his sentence and smiled shyly. That was probably the cutest thing Eliott ever saw. And the fact that Lucas looked more relaxed now made him relax a little bit more too.

“You got it right.”

Eliott went to the fridge just to take two bottles of beers for him and Lucas. There was always beer in their fridge even if nobody drank it. That was in case of emergency and Eliott was happy that the boys didn’t drink it. Actually, he pretty sure that Lucas wasn’t even so drunk. Especially in comparison with what he saw at Emma’s party.

“Here.” He extended the boy a bottle and sat next to him.

There were still two sides fighting inside of him. One was telling him off for what he was doing, saying that he needed to let the boy go as he planned to do. And another one was protecting his decision as the boy didn’t look like it would have been a good idea to leave him alone. And Eliott preferred to listen to the second side.

“So are you going to explain to me know why you are ignoring my texts?” Lucas asked and at the moment a shy boy Elliott saw earlier disappeared. There was a challenge in Lucas’ eyes when he looked at him. And Eliott wondered how many sides did the boy actually have?

“That’s simple. I don’t know you. And my mother always taught me not to speak with strangers.” Eliott looked back at Lucas and made the first sip. The boy laughed. And Eliott wasn’t sure what was making him warm inside: the alcohol or this beautiful sound. “Now my turn to ask…” Eliott pretended like he was thinking about something while a real question was already on his mind. “Are your friends think that I’m prick now?” He couldn’t say that he cared, but all his friends knew Lucas' gang already and Eliott didn’t even try to find out their names.

“Well, they certainly think that you’re weird.” Lucas smiled.

“And what about you? Do you think I’m weird?” Eliott had no idea where it came from.

“Maybe. But I don’t know you too,” Lucas said thoughtfully. “But if it’s the case, then it’s not a problem… I like weird people.” Now it wasn’t a simple conversation, once again the boy was flirting with him. Absolutely unconscionable. And Eliott couldn’t deny that he was enjoying it more than he should have. “My question now. «Polaris». That’s a really cool thing. Genius I’d say. As soon I saw it, I’ve probably become your number one fan, but I need to know the story behind it. So tell me what’s the story?”

Hearing how Lucas was calling the project of Eliott’s heart something genius made him feel butterflies in his stomach. Of course, it wasn’t the first time when Eliott heard some good stuff about his work, as his friends were really supportive of it, but Lucas’ words had a totally different effect on him. Somehow, it meant more than everything he’s ever heard, and he could tell that it was wrong, but Elliott couldn’t stop his heart from feeling what it was feeling.

“Well, it’s a story about a lost boy, who’s afraid of light and who’s hiding from everything in his life, until he meets…”

“A creature who’s afraid of darkness. And to be together they need to come overcome their fears. I know that.” Once again, Lucas finished his words and it felt natural. “I want to know the story behind it. What did make you create it? What was your inspiration?”

Many people asked him this question. A lot of people wanted to know the story. A lot of people wanted to look like they cared. But Lucas was the first one who looked like he really meant it. Even Eliott’s friends couldn’t make him believe in their sincere interest. They were just good friends to him. But one look from Lucas was enough to know that it all was genuine. However, «Polaris» was still something too personal. He knew that the minute he’d tell the boy what was oh his heart, there would be something between them that he couldn’t erase. That would be here forever, and he couldn’t have had this moment forever.

“I don’t know you,” he said like that was an answer, and the sadness in the boy’s eyes made his heart ache. They were literally strangers, but the things Eliott felt… that wasn’t like he’s just met the boy a few days ago. That was something surreal. And he was scared of it.

“That’s alright. I understand. ” The boy tried to act normal, but he couldn’t hide upset in his voice. And Eliott couldn’t stop feeling guilty. “I still think it deserves more recognition. I think your works deserve more recognition. You’re really talented. Would be a shame if it would go to waste.” Lucas made a sip, but Eliott forgot about his own bottle in his hand. Lucas was the only thing that got his attention.

“Thanks,” he answered simply, having no desire to drag with this topic. “And what about you? Do you have any talents?” Eliott leaned his head to the left and Lucas took a few moments to think. Now he reminded of the child who tried to find something in his head, which won’t disappoint, but surprise. And he succeeded.

“I used to play the piano once!” He admitted, having smiled. He was satisfied with himself. And Eliott was surprised, Lucas didn’t look like the piano guy. “My mother played a lot when I was a child, so she taught me a couple of melodies.” Eliott got the impression that the boy wasn’t with him at this moment. He probably has remembered that time. And by his wide smile that was obviously some happy times.

“Now I really need to hear you’re playing,” Eliott admitted and Lucas blushed. At this point, Eliott was sure that it was alcohol acting and no him. And he didn’t really drink that much.

“Well, I play only for really close people and you…” Lucas leaned his head on the sofa. Eliott was feeling how his eyes were traveling around his body. And that realization made Eliott’s blood boil.

“Let me guess.” He smiled sneakily. “You don’t know me?” Eliott raised his eyebrows. Lucas burst into laughter and in the second Eliott joined him. He didn’t feel so comfortable in somebody’s company for ages.

“Shame, you don’t give me a chance,” Lucas said when he managed to calm down. He said it without any anger or bitterness, that was just a sad fact.

“I wish I could,” Eliott said more than enough, and Lucas nodded his head as if he understood. Eliott wished he didn’t. Part of him wanted for Lucas to start asking questions and for Eliott to blab everything and then somehow the problem would have sold itself, but it didn’t happen. Lucas was a clever boy and he clearly knew when to stop. Eliott hated it because it made him admire the boy even more.

“I think it’s time for me to go.”

Lucas stood up and once again started looking for something on the sofa. It turned out to be his phone. He silently put his bottle on the table and when to the door. By the time he was ready to leave, Eliott’s already joined him. But he still had one last question.

“Lucas,” he called for a boy and Lucas turned to him. He looked tired. “Why did you really stay here after Emile fell asleep?” They both knew that this question was still in the air, and Eliott would never forgive himself if he hadn’t tried.

“I’d answer this question, but…” Lucas smiled at Eliott, but that was a sad smiled. “I think you already know what my response would be.” With that, he left the flat, having left Eliott alone. And Eliott smirked when his word finally got to him.

Maybe it was the alcohol and maybe it was Eliott’s confused emotions, but that night he sat to draw again. That was something simple but at the same time one of the hardest things to explain he’s ever done. That was a boy with no eyes, no lips, no nose, just an accurate shape of the face, ears and messy hair with the big question mark in the middle. He took a picture of it and posted it straight away. Before he went to bed, he added a caption to it:

«I want to know you»

Chapter 6 Lucas ignores everyone, including Eliott and that is not what the guy expected... especially after THAT post

First thing in the morning Eliott reached for his phone. He had tones of notifications after his last post and a couple of messages. Some of them were from Idriss and Sofiane.

[Idriss]

what is this post, man? I thought you and that chick from the party is the thing now explain pls

[Sofiane]

I just hope it is not what I think it is

Sofiane’s message could have concerned him, but at that moment Eliott couldn’t care less about it. He was disappointed by the fact he didn’t get the reaction he wanted. Lucas didn’t respond. Of course, he wasn’t really thinking straight when he decided that this move with a drawing would be a great idea. But after the strange evening, they had he just couldn’t let the situation to end with him closing the door. He had to do something more and he did. And surprisingly, he had no regrets in the morning, just the frustration of not getting a desired result. However, he wasn’t even sure what he hoped the boy’s reaction would have been like. In fact, he couldn’t even tell if Lucas saw his post at all. The boy wasn’t following him, and if he wasn’t a stalker, there were all the chances for him to miss it.

“You’re an idiot, Eliott, ” he murmured, having thrown his phone aside. Yeah, Lucas showed some interest before, but Eliott had probably scared him off already. And probably that was for the better. Still, it didn’t change the fact that he was disappointed.

“Please, kill me!” Emile entered Eliott’s room, moaning and holding on to his head. He fell on the bed next to Eliott, looking miserable.

“How much did you drink?” Eliott asked with a smirk. Unconsciously he noted that yesterday Lucas looked like he didn’t drink at all while Emile was looking like death now. And that was his normal reaction when he drunk above normal.

“I don’t remember,” his friend groaned. Eliott couldn’t hold his laugh. “You know, it’s not funny! I don’t even remember falling asleep! How did I end up in my bed?”

“Lucas helped you to get there,” Eliott explained and Emile looked at him worried.

“Oh God, I just hope I haven’t done anything stupid. Otherwise, I would never forgive myself!” Emile said dramatically and Eliott couldn’t but rolled his eyes.

“He seemed fine when he left. So I wouldn’t be too worried about it if I was you.” Eliott hoped that Emile won’t ask him any more questions about it.

“Well, I wouldn’t be so sure about it. He doesn’t answer my calls and messages.” Emile was upset. But that got Eliott intrigued.

“Maybe he didn’t check his phone yet?” He suggested and that’s probably been said for his own sake rather than Emile’s. If Lucas didn’t touch his phone yet, there was a possibility that he could still see Eliott’s post later.

“Well, maybe.” Emile agreed while the hope appeared in Eliott’s soul again. “But he acted really weird yesterday. He was alright at first, we all were drinking, chatting and laughing and then he got some text and something’s changed…” Emile paused for a second. Eliott waited as he really wanted to know what his friend meant. “He stopped drinking and that was alright, but still he wasn’t with us anymore. He’s become really distant. Actually, I was surprised when he agreed to stay a little bit longer when his friends left. But once again it was mainly me talking… well as far as I remember.”

“That sounds weird.” Eliott summarized and Emile nodded his head.

Now Eliott had no doubts that the boy didn’t really want to go home last night. And he began to wonder if he should have persuaded him to stay. There was something in all this that was making him worried. And the fact that Lucas didn’t get in touch (at least with Emile) didn’t make anything easier. Some really bad thoughts began to enter Eliott’s mind.

“But at least now I’m pretty sure that he’s a gay!” Emile smiled, and Eliott couldn’t understand how he managed not to get worried as he was. Didn’t he see that Lucas’ strange behavior could mean something serious? How could he think about something else?

“Why is it?” Eliott sounded really disinterested as all his thoughts were consumed with worrying about Lucas’ well-being. He was feeling guilty for letting him go when it was obvious that there was something wrong. He wanted to kick himself for his stupidity.

“Well, I suppose he doesn’t really hide it. We were discussing if someone got boys’ attention in the school, I started it of course, and Lucas said that there was someone nice. And Yann asked “Who is he? Do we know him?” and I guess that was a confirmation. Too bad that he didn’t say who it was because you came and interrupted the moment!”

It took some time for Eliott to realize that Emile was looking at him with the claim.

“Well, sorry.” Eliott didn’t mean it. It was his house and he had every right to come whenever he wanted.

“That’s okay.” Emile didn’t even notice Eliott’s apathy to this topic. “How do you think what are the chances that this mystery boy could have been me?” Once again, Emile was looking at Eliott, but he just shrugged his shoulders. Actually, he was pretty sure that he knew what were the chances, but he doubted that his friend was ready to hear it.

The thing is that Eliott couldn’t take his mind of Lucas all Sunday. He didn’t answer any of Emile’s messages and he didn’t pick up his phone. That was clearly upsetting for Emile but he tried to keep it together. He was still feeling bad so he spent half of the day in his bed, and Eliott was happy with it. By the evening Eliott didn’t even expect to get any response of the boy anymore and that was right of him because he didn’t get any. But still, troubled thoughts couldn’t leave him alone. He thought about all worst-case scenarios, which could have happened that night and that was terrifying. But luckily at the dinner, Emile gave him information which let him breathe again.

“I texted Yann today to ask him about Lucas. He said that everything is alright and he just lost his phone. So I really had no reason to panic.” Emile smiled and relief was written all over his face.

“Well, that explains a lot,” Eliott commented, though that wasn't like that. Something didn’t sit right with him in this situation. And that was the reason why he spent half of the night awake. Again.

Lucas was the first thing Eliott saw when he and Emile came to school. And Emile clearly wasn’t so attentive to his surroundings as he continued to talk about some Biology test he had to pass. Probably, Eliott should have said something about Lucas being close to them, as Emile mentioned this morning his desire to talk to the boy after their little party, but he didn’t do it. Instead, he began to explore him with his eyes. Lucas didn't see them as he was too busy looking at his phone. Eliott was pretty sure that it was the same phone he’s allegedly lost. But that wasn’t his main concern right now. What really got him worried was that Lucas looked tired. Exhausted even. His swollen face and large shadows under eyes made Eliott think that he hadn’t slept for days. Once again, it returned him to the night the boy left their flat. The night Eliott knew should have ended differently.

“Emile! Eliott! Wait!” Idriss’ voice called them and that attracted Lucas’ attention. The boy looked in their direction and his and Eliott’s eyes met, as he was still watching him. He obviously was caught. Lucas looked at him for several seconds and then he grabbed his bag and rushed to the school as if he was running away from them. From Eliott.

“Wow, mate, you look like death!” Idriss said to Eliott and he was right. A sleepless night didn’t look good on him. “Was it your girl who didn’t let you sleep all night? Or was it that mystery boy?” Idriss winked at him and Eliott rolled his eyes. He would have been happy no to have this conversation right now.

“What is he talking about?” Emile asked Eliott, looking like he’d missed something. And that was really the case. Despite Emile being always on the phone all Sunday, he didn’t see Eliott’s post. At least he didn’t ask anything about it. That wasn’t like Emile at all, but he was too busy waiting for Lucas respond, so that was understandable. And Eliott considered himself lucky because of it before Idriss ruined everything.

“Are you seriously telling me that you didn’t see his post?” Idriss exclaimed, and Emile shook his head. The phone was already in his hands and Elliott's page was open. That meant troubles. Eliott really should have deleted it. Posting it was a big mistake. Especially when it didn’t even reach his goal.

“Wow! Who is this guy? Do we know him?” Emile looked Eliott excited.

“It’s nobody." Eliott continued to go towards the school, trying to avoid his friends’ gazes.

“He said that it’s from some song which inspired him, but that sounds like shit,” Idriss told the story which Eliott tried to sell to him all yesterday. Obviously, he failed. However, it really sounded too fake. He really could have made up something better.

“Of course, this is shit!” Emile agreed, trying to keep up with Eliott. “You need to tell the truth!” He demanded, but Eliott speeded up and left his friends behind. He wasn’t in the mood for this now. Or ever. “You won’t be able to run away from it forever, Eliott Demaury!” Emile shouted to him, but Eliott knew it already.

During the lunch Emile kept asking Eliott about his mystery post and that was exhausting. It went to the point that Eliott stopped talking at all, but it didn’t stop Emile. He was pushing and pushing and pushing and that was driving Eliott mad. Sometimes he was too much. And Eliott didn’t know what was it, his shaking body or red with anger eyes, but Sofiane got the vibe in time to distract Emile and save them from the future catastrophe.

“Emile, you better tell us why you aren’t eating with your best friends now?”

Sofiane and Idriss really weren’t impressed when they knew how Emile spent his Saturday evening. And they weren’t offended by the fact that he was with other guys but with him not inviting them.

“Don’t be jealous, Sofiane, I promise next Saturday I’m all yours!” Emile winked to his friend and smiled.

“At least tell me that it wasn’t all for nothing!” Idriss said. And Eliott couldn’t but notice that he was more active in their conversation today. That was a pleasant thing to see.

“Well, now I know that Lucas is gay,” Emile revealed.

“That’s a good thing, right?” Idriss asked with the full mouth.

“Maybe, yeah, but I still have no idea if I have a chance or not.” Emile shrugged his shoulders. “He said that he liked someone from our school, but the chances that it would be me are minimal. I prefer to be realistic.” Emile didn’t exactly sound sad, but there were some notes of desperation in his voice.

“So he didn’t say who it was?” Sofiane asked and Eliott was sure that he was looking at him.

“No, Eliott came in at this moment and we forgot about it after. And then I got so drunk that I don’t even remember how Lucas led me to bed! What a shame!” Emile closed his face with hands, he was blushing.

“I guess he didn’t join you then?” Idriss joked and that was the unpleasant thing for Eliott to imagine. He squeezed the fork in his hand tight.

“You’re so funny!” Emile said sarcastically and Idriss laughed. “No, thank God, Eliott woke up and shut the door behind him. Otherwise, we would have looked like the worst hosts ever!”

Eliott was begging inside for Emile not to drag his name in it, but he wasn’t that lucky. And he knew that he had a problem in Sofiane’s face once again. He had probably already put two and two together and figured all out. Eliott had no doubts about it, especially when he caught Sofiane’s eyes on him again. That was one hell situation.

“Did you talk to him since?” Idriss continued with the conversation, looking really invested in his mate’s life. That was obvious that Emile really liked his attention.

“I tried to, but it turned that he’d lost his phone, so he had no chance to answer. And I saw the boys today, but not him, so I’m still waiting for my opportunity.”

The strange thing was that Eliott didn’t see Lucas too. He saw his friends who were usual freaky themselves but not the blue-eyed boy. And if Eliott hadn’t seen him in the morning he would have thought that the boy wasn’t at school at all. That got him worried all over again.

The rest of the lunch went fine. Sofiane was telling them about the dance festival he visited on Saturday and Idriss was complaining about his parents, about how they were unfair to him, wishing for him to study better and always comparing him to Imane. That was an eternal drama of their family. And all this time Emile was constantly looking around in the attempts to find Lucas’ gang, but they weren’t anywhere seen. Eliott noticed it too.

That was when they were leaving the canteen when they finally met the guys, Lucas included. They were out of the door when they heard loud screams and suddenly someone’s body bumped into Eliott. And that wasn’t just somebody, that was Lucas. Lucas who was pushed backward by the blond boy with glasses and who was ready to rush back to him with his fists. And as soon as Eliott’s got what was about to happen, he grabbed him by his elbows from behind and pulled him closer to himself, and that prevented Lucas’s fist from meeting with the blond guy’s face.

“What the fuck? Let me…” Lucas began, but Eliott didn’t give him a chance to end.

“Calm down!” He said firmly and the boy definitely recognized his voice. Lucas obeyed and stopped kicking. The blond guy visibly calmed down too.

“What the hell is happening here?” Another friend of Lucas (that was Yann, as far as Eliott remembered) ran to them, looking worried and confused.

“You better ask your fucking best friend!” The blond guy shouted. “We all have problems at home, but it doesn’t mean you need to be a prick all day!” Now he was looking at Lucas, and the boy began to move angrily again, but Eliott didn’t give him an opportunity to do anything, having pulled him even closer.

“Don’t.” He whispered to his ear, and once again Lucas obeyed. He was a good boy.

“Bas, take Arthur away,” Yann’s said to another guy of their gang who just came, looking baffled. He just nodded his head, grabbed the blond guy by the hand and did what he’s been told.

“I think you can let him go now, Eliott,” Sofiane said when the boys were out of Lucas’ reach. And Eliott let go of the boy, trying not to think about how pleasant it was to be so close to him. Even despite the circumstances. He would sell his soul just to feel and enjoy it a couple of seconds more.

“Are you alright?” Emile jumped out in front of Lucas and Eliott had to make one step backward.

“Yeah, why I wouldn’t be?” He answered, looking a little bit shattered. “Sorry that you witnessed that,” Lucas said, looking at no one in particular. As if he was embarrassed by what’s happened.

“But thank you for stopping it,” Yann said looking at Eliott. “Boys, yeah? Everything will be alright between them in the morning.” The guy was smiling, but that wasn’t sincere. It was impossible not to notice the worry in his eyes.

“Yeah, of course,” Eliott smiled at him. He was sure that his smile has never been so fake.

“Ok, Lucas, come or we will be late.”

Lucas took his stuff, which was spread over the floor, and left together with his mate. And Eliott couldn’t stop thinking about one thing: the boy didn’t look at him even once.

The accident after lunch couldn’t leave Eliott's mind all day. He kept turning in his head over and over again what he's managed to see and that had no sense. Lucas and this boy, Arthur, looked quite friendly before. Their whole gang seemed like a company of really good buddies, that’s why it was so surprising to witness such a scene. And Emile couldn’t stop talking about it too, trying to contact Lucas again but getting nothing back. He didn’t even try to hide his upset over it anymore, as half of the evening he was walking around the flat complaining about everything. And Eliott was hiding in his room from him when he decided to do something that he knew would be a mistake. But after today he had to do something to reach the boy, he was too worried. So he opened Lucas page and after a few seconds of looking at it he pushed “follow”.

When he realized what he’s done, he threw away his phone on the bed, having no will to look at the boy’s page anymore. He knew that Lucas was out of reach with Emile and hardly Eliott could have been an exception. That was obvious that he was going through some shit time in his life and he probably had no time on stupid Instagram. And now Eliott thought about himself as stupid, as he with his own hands organized himself a real torture. There was no way he could have lived in peace after that until Lucas would have accepted his request. And Eliott began to feel anxiety over the thought that it could never happen. That’s why he jumped when he’s heard vibration, which was a sign of new notification. But he didn’t hurry to check it, as he was sure it was something else. Lucas couldn’t have accepted it so fast. The second vibration followed shortly after that. And once again Eliott made himself believe that if he would look now, he would be only disappointed. But when there was a third vibration, he knew that he was too weak to handle it, so he finally grabbed his phone, having closed his eyes. He counted to three, made a deep breath and opened his eyes again.

lucallemant accepted your request

lucallemant started following you

lucallemant I want to know you too

Chapter 7 When Lucas needs help Eliott comes to the rescue... even when he had no intentions to.

Eliott wished Lucas’ message managed to change something in their relationships, but it didn’t. They were still in some strange zone, where they were beating around the bush, doing nothing. Well, actually Eliott was the one who was doing nothing. The reason for it was absurdly stupid: he didn’t know what he should do. He got the message he wanted and then he reached a deadlock. He never thought about his future actions, and it failed him. So that night he left this problem for the morning, having decided against texting the boy back. Though he explored Lucas’ page from top to bottom just to state two facts: these photos really told nothing about him, and he was too beautiful for this world. So basically by the end of the day, Eliott knew nothing new.

In the morning he came to the conclusion that there was no point in answering him now when he was about to go to school anyway. Eliott thought to catch him somewhere and talk, but he still didn’t have any exact plan on his mind. He decided to improvise. And that once again was an absolutely dumb idea.

Eliott wasn’t the only one who was determined to have a conversation with Lucas. Emile was desperate to have a chance for a face-to-face chat with the boy. Lucas still didn’t answer him, and, as Eliott’s got his response, he’s gotten a pretty clear idea that the boy was ignoring Emile on purpose. And Eliott had mixed feelings about it. Part of him, an egoistic part, was glad to hear that he was the only one Lucas answered to (at least in their flat). But another side, which was responsible for his relationships with friends, didn’t like that at all. Eliott didn’t know the reason why Lucas suddenly decided to break off the contact with Emile but his best friend felt awful because of it, and that was making Eliott feel uneasy.

But Emile was a brave guy and when he saw an opportunity to clarify the situation, he took it. Unlike Eliott, who had seen Lucas three times in the morning and couldn’t bring himself to approach him. And now Lucas was sitting in the canteen alone with his lunch (his friends haven't been seen around), so Emile stood up with his tray and went towards the boy’s table. Idriss and Sofiane were watching the scene with interest while Eliott tried to ignore all the bad thoughts which were coming on his mind. And there were a lot of them.

“How do you think does he have a chance? It doesn’t look like the guy is interested,” Idriss said, eating his fries. Emile has been already near Lucas’ table. The boy lifted his head, smiled at him politely, said something and Emile finally sat down.

“Yeah, it looks like Emile is the only one who has a crush, but we know him. If he wants something, he can easily get it. He knows some ways,” Sofiane answered, and Eliott didn’t like the sound of it. As if Lucas’ opinion didn’t matter at all. “And what do you think?” Sofiane asked Eliott and that was a clever move, as he obviously still had his suspicions about Eliott’s connection with Lucas.

“My main priority is for him not to suffer at the end,” Eliott was staring back at Sofiane, trying to prove his point. Though the truth was that he’s already fucked it up. “I don’t want Dominic situation to repeat.”

“Oh mate, I don’t think that someone would be able to surpass this asshole. Especially not this cinnamon roll,” Idriss tried to joke, but his attempt failed. This was impossible to find the situation of the past funny.

“Dominic looked like a nice bloke too,” Sofiane noted fairly. “We all know that it doesn’t mean anything nowadays.”

“Well, at least it looks like Lucas is gay, so one less thing to worry about, right?” Idriss concluded and Sofiane and Eliott said nothing, not wishing to continue with this topic.

«The times of Dominic» were dark times. The first serious relationship of Emile became a real nightmare for all of them. The hell the group of friends went through, trying to save Emile from that mess, was something neither of them wanted to remember. Especially Emile. He was really traumatized by everything that’s happened, and nobody knew if he was really ready for a real relationship now. And if a crush for a week didn’t bother anyone, Lucas was a different story. Everyone saw that Emile was looking at him the way he looked at Dominic once and that couldn’t but bother his friends. And Eliott couldn’t ignore the fact that he was making the situation only worse, but he couldn’t be blamed for having his own crush. That wasn’t something he could control.

Emile came back to them in five minutes with a smile on his face. That meant that everything went well, and he was happy with the result of his and Lucas’ conversation.

“Well?” Idriss was looking at Emile with anticipation. “Did he explain his behavior? Did he say why he ignored you?”

“Yeah,” Emile answered calmly. “And now I think I like him anymore.” He sounded like a mystery, and Elliot rolled his eyes at his friend's unnecessary dramatics. He just wanted to hear what happened.

“Spill!” Elliot wasn’t the only one who wasn’t in the mood for Emile’s games. Idriss wanted answers too. Sofiane was the only one who was distracted by something, which was happening behind Eliott’s back. And Eliott decided that it wasn’t worthy of his attention.

“He was honest with me,” Emile began. “He said that he had some problems at home and troubles with his study, so he just didn’t want to chat with anyone, including me. He said that he was sorry, but that’s the way his brain works sometimes and I shouldn’t take it personally.”

“That sounds like he’s a human,” Idriss commented and Emile nodded his head in agreement.

“And did he say what family problems he has?” Eliott asked because that was the only thing that mattered to him now. He suspected that something was happening in the boys’ house, and now he was anxious to know what that was.

“No,” Emile shook his head, but he didn’t look like he was disappointed with this fact. That was what Eliott felt. “We are not so close for him to tell me his family stories, however…” Emile smiled mysteriously. Eliott felt that he wasn’t ready to hear what was coming, but did he even have a choice? “I asked him if he wanted to spend some time with me this week, and he agreed!”

Emile looked like a happy puppy, who’s just got his favorite snack. Idriss and Sofiane began to cheer for him immediately as if some time ago they didn’t discuss that there was a possibility of Lucas not being interested in Emile. Eliott tried to look happy for his friend too, but his eyes were on the Lucas’ table, which was empty now. In a way, Eliott couldn't shake the feeling that he deserved it after waiting for so long.

Eliott and Emile stayed until the late at Sofiane’s house with Idriss, playing x-Box and eating pizza. That was a good evening between four friends with discussing some stupid things, school, girls and boys. And Lucas, of course, but that was the part of their conversation in which Eliott was minimally involved. He had no desire to discuss what Emile had to do impress Lucas. Idriss and Emile didn’t even notice his apathy, but Sofiane did. Of course. Though Eliott managed to avoid staying with him alone during the evening, so he was alright, and when the topic’s changed, he came back to them.

Eliott and Emile were on their way home when Eliott felt that his friend began to glaze funnily at him. At first, he thought that he started imagining things but the more glances he caught, the more he was certain that Emile had something on his mind. And usually he wouldn’t have given this a second thought as the weird behavior was a part of Emile’ nature but this time there was something else in his attitude. He was acting shifty, messing with the bracelet on his hand and licking his lips every five seconds as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t brace himself to do that.

“What’s wrong?” Eliott was the first who started a conversation, having decided to save Emile from his misery. He looked at him, surprised, clearly not expecting that Eliott would notice his odd behavior. Eliott's nearly laughed at that.

“Nothing,” his friend shrugged his shoulders in the most unconvincing way. Eliott raised his eyebrows at him. The thought that Emile believed that Eliott would buy this bullshit was hilarious. “Ok. You got me!” Emile cried out and put his hands up in the defeat. Eliott couldn’t but chuckled at that.

“Then you better tell me what’s bothering you!” He said and Emile exhaled a nervous breath.

“You won’t like it.” He warned Eliott.

“Well, try me.” There was no chance that Eliott would have let it go. He sort of felt that there was something important for Emile that he wanted to say. That was in his brown eyes. Something was clearly bothering him, and Eliott wouldn’t have been his best friend if he hadn’t asked what it was. Though he still had some fears that it was connected to someone who he didn’t want to think about at that moment.

“Right… tell me are we alright?” Finally, Emile asked his question, and that made Eliott stop, surprised. That was something he certainly didn’t see coming.

“What do you mean?” He decided to clarify, as he doubted that he’s heard his friend’s question right. Emile was shifting from one foot to another, looking at everything else but Eliott.

“I just can’t stop but feeling that you’re distancing yourself from me these days,” he admitted, having said that so quietly that Eliott’s hardly managed to catch his words. “I know that I was out of reach myself because of Lucas but still… even when we’re together, it’s not like you're with me and the guys. And Idriss noticed that too.” The thought that his friends were discussing him behind his back made Eliott frown and feel uncomfortable in his stomach. And even if Emile’s notice the changes in Eliott’s face, it didn’t make him stop as he continued, “And I know that sometimes you’re like that, that’s alright, but when we are alone in the flat it doesn't change. And it was never like that before. We used to talk for hours and hours, sharing with everything and now it’s disappeared. And I don’t get why, that’s all.” Emile sounded upset and Eliott’s got where this all came from. He would have lied if he had said that he hadn’t noticed these changes too. Of course, something was different now and the reason was simple – they both laid an eye on the same guy. And of course, it was the thing Eliott couldn’t have told this to his friend.

“I just had a couple of difficult days, that’s all. It’s nothing to do with you, I promise,” he lied, trying to sound as convincing as it was only possible.

“Are you sure? Because if I’ve done something wrong then you better tell me!” Emile murmured, and Eliott felt guilty because he really did everything he could to avoid his friend��s company recently. The thing was that ELiott hoped that Emile wouldn’t notice it as he was occupied with thoughts of Lucas. Well, that was a naïve thing to believe in.

“It’s not you, believe me!” Yeah, it wasn’t him. It was Lucas. Lucas was doing it with them. And the worst thing was the Eliott had no idea how to stop it. He didn’t have it in him to stop it.

“Ok.” It seemed like Eliott’s words did its magic on Emile. He looked more relaxed now. But he clearly hasn’t finished yet. “One last question.” He promised and Eliott could only guess what it would be. “Your meeting with parents. I know you don’t like being pushed but you didn't say a word about it and that makes me worry. Was it really alright?”

That was easy not to tell about Eliott’s meeting with his parents when nobody asked him about it. Emile had other things on his mind and Eliott didn’t really want to bother him with his worries. And that was even easier like that. The less he was talking about that, the less he was thinking about his parents’ news. And it suited him fine, so he had to lie once again.

“Don’t worry, everything is fine.” Eliott gave him one of his smiles, which was absolutely fake, and the topic was closed. They continued their way to home, discussing that they really should organize a boy party with only two of them, beer and pizza. That’s been a while.

He and Emile were living in a nice and quiet area, so it was usually calm at nights and there were rarely some suspicious faces in the street. That’s why Eliott tensed when he saw some dark silhouette was hiding from them behind the house.

“You go and I need to drop by the pharmacy for a second,” Eliott said and Emile looked at him surprised.

“Can’t it wait till tomorrow?” He asked.

“No, it can’t.” Eliott's voice sounded severe, and Emile just shrugged his shoulders and went to the door while Eliott went further.

Maybe, it wasn’t the best idea to follow some stranger just because his heart was telling him to do that, but that was too late to think about it now. Eliott could only hope that he wouldn’t be beaten up, especially when there was nothing to steal from him apart from his keys, and they could be to any flat. If the person didn’t know and wait for him specifically, of course… he’s really been watching too many crime dramas recently. Eliott went around the corner carefully and saw a small figure sitting next to the wall. The person was sitting, having pulled his knees to his torso and laid his head on them with a hood on it. And as the face was hidden from the view Eliott couldn’t tell if he knew the man or not.

“Sorry, are you alright?” He asked, being cautious. It still could have been some trick to catch him off the guard. But as soon as the boy lifted his head, Eliott felt stupid for thinking that. “Lucas?” He asked astonished, looking at the swollen from crying face of the boy. He was still crying. “What’s happening? What are you doing here?” Eliott started to panic as visibly the boy wasn’t alright at all. He sat across from him and grabbed his face, making Lucas look straight at him. “What’s happened?”

“I had nowhere else to go,” the boy whispered. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” Lucas was trying to stop sobbing but the emotions were taking over him. Eliott was hurting just from seeing this.

“That’s alright. You can come…” Suddenly Eliott noticed Lucas' knuckles on his right hand with scratches and blood on them. “Lucas, how did you get that? Did you have a fight with someone?” Eliott remembered the scene with Arthur boy from the other day, and that scared him.

“Yeah,” Lucas murmured. “With the wall. I won,” Lucas tried to joke and that calmed Eliott down a little.

“You need to show it to the doctor,” he declared, being worried that something could have been broken or some infection could have gotten in the wound. That looked too dangerous.

“No, I won’t go to the hospital. And don’t even argue with that. I won’t go!” Lucas decided to show his stubborn side, and Eliott felt that there was no point on insisting on it.

“At least let’s go in the flat and clear the wound,” he suggested.

“Ok,” Lucas agreed. “Just give me a couple of minutes.”

Lucas was almost calm now, the moment of his hysteria came to the end, and Eliott could breathe again. He decided not to push pressure on the boy and give him some space. He sat down next to him, leaning his head on the wall of the building and not caring about the dirty ground. Lucas was more important now. Lucas’s changed his position too, having sat the same way as Eliott. They were both staring forward with their heads being a couple of inches apart.

“My mother is ill,” Lucas said when he finally stopped shaking. Eliott nodded his head, having shown that he was listening to him. “It's not some virus or something like that, she’s mentally ill.” These words made Eliott’s body tense. Whatever the boy was going to say next, he was afraid to hear the worst. “At first it was alright, I and my father were coping pretty well, but with time her state was getting worse and worse. She was screaming a lot, cursing, trying to run away from us and there were times when she could hit me or dad, and that became too much for us.” Lucas was frowning, and Eliott felt like his heart froze and he stopped breathing. He couldn’t believe that it was happening to him. “We had to put her in a special clinic. That was safer for her and for us, and I really thought that everything would be alright soon, but…” Lucas fell silent, trying to find the words.

“You still had troubles with her mental state being like this?” Eliott knew that he was risking, but he needed to know the answer just to breathe again. To have hope. Or to lose it forever.

“What? No! No way!” Lucas exclaimed. The boy looked very offended by the idea.

“Sorry,” Eliott said quietly while he was ready to burst into tears because the weight was lifted off his shoulders. At least part of it.

“Nah, that’s alright. And there is a real problem with the acceptance of my mother’s state. But that’s not my problem but my father’s. When we put her in that clinic I always felt like he began to write her off. Do you know what I mean?” Lucas looked at Eliott, who nodded his head. Of course, he knew. “He began to act like she wasn’t part of our family anymore and I knew that didn’t mean anything good. On Saturday morning I came to visit her as usual, but they didn’t let me in. My father prohibited the clinic’s staff to let me see my mum.” Lucas began sobbing again, and Eliott couldn’t believe his ears.

“What? Is it even legal?!” He shouted out.

“Well, it’s a private clinic and the person who pays money is the boss, and in our family, it’s not me,” Lucas smirked and his voice was filled with desperation. “The shittiest thing was that he was out of the town and I really thought that it was some kind of mistake. I left him a thousand voice messages, living all that day in hope, just to get a text: “Sorry, son, but it’s for the best”. Can you believe it? He couldn’t even call me!”

Eliott remembered Emile’s words about Lucas’ getting some message and his mood being switched off immediately. Now that made sense. And not only that.

“That’s why you didn’t want to leave that night?” He asked, and Lucas let out that breath, having closed his eyes.

“I was afraid to come home and see that he’s returned. I was afraid of what I could have done with him. But he came back only in the morning, and we haven’t stopped arguing since.” Lucas explained, and finally, Eliott began to see the whole picture. The way Lucas’s been acting lately seemed logical now. In such a situation it would be impossible to act any other way.

“And I’ve been worried that you didn’t respond to my post,” Eliott sighed, and somehow that made Lucas smile.

“I saw it the minute you posted it. And I wanted to answer it, to write you something, but I was afraid that it would become too much for me. I think I needed some time.” Eliott was fascinated with the way how innocent the boy looked at the moment. “I spent a few days screaming at my father and ignoring all the life outside. Yann was the only one I contacted, just for him to say to others that I was still alive. He told everybody that I’ve lost my phone, and I seriously didn’t ask him to do that, especially when I still have the same phone,” Lucas laughed and Eliott couldn’t hide his smile either. “Anyway, I ignored everyone and everything, I was really rude to my friends and teachers, planned the murder of my father but when I've gotten your request yesterday…” Lucas turned his head to Eliott, smiling. “How could I resist?”

The emotions, which Eliott was experiencing at that moment, he wouldn’t have been able to describe even if he had tried. The boy’s face was too close to him now. They were literally breathing the same air. Moreover, he could feel Lucas’ breath on his face, and that was the most pleasant feeling in the world. Eliott could feel a chill running down his spine. His heart was beating faster and faster with every breath they were taking, and he knew that one move would be enough to cut the distance between them and for his lips to meet Lucas’s lips but… he knew that it wasn't the right time for it. Not when the boy was in such a state. He was clearly unstable, and Eliott couldn’t risk with what they had and to ruin it.

“It’s time for us to get your wound cleaned,” he said and stood up. That probably was the hardest thing he’s ever done. He didn’t even dare to look at the boy. He wasn’t ready to disappointment on his face. “And you’re staying at ours tonight and that is not up for the debate!” Eliott commanded and went towards the entrance of the house. He didn’t need to look back to make sure that Lucas was following him. He's already known that.

Emile was already sleeping when they came in. They were trying to act extremely quiet not to wake him up. Eliott led Lucas to the bathroom, cleaned his knuckles and found some bandage to wrap it up. Eliott wasn’t a doctor but that was the best he could do, though he was still sure that Lucas needed to see a medic. When they finished in the bathroom, they came back to the living room where Eliott helped Lucas to prepare the sofa for his sleep. He brought one of his two pillows and an extra blanket, which they had in the wardrobe, and also his T-shirt and sweatpants for the boy to wear.

“Thank you,” Lucas said when they finished. “For everything.”

“That’s alright. I love to be helpful,” Eliott smiled, and Lucas sat on the sofa. Eliott was standing, leaning on the wall just watching him. Lucas looked nervous, and Eliott was feeling strange too seeing him here too. But he liked that. He definitely could get used to seeing him here more often. And he also couldn’t just leave him because he really needed to say something to him. To share something with him too. “My parents told me that they’re planning to move away,” he finally pronounced.

Lucas looked at him surprised, clearly not expecting to hear something of that kind.

“Is it a good or bad thing?” He asked, looking concerned.

“I don’t know,” Eliott answered honestly. “But I think “yes”. It will be good for them and me.”

“Why? Do you have a bad relationship?” That was still amusing how caring Lucas looked. How Eliott believed it without any doubts. He never had it with anyone.

“No, not at all. They were a great support, but…” Eliott took a pause, hoping that Lucas won’t decide that he was a real asshole after what he was about to say. “I don’t think that they were real parents for me. Guardians? Maybe. But not parents. Does it sound too awful?” He looked at Lucas expecting to see contempt on his face, but he didn’t. What he saw was that Lucas really tried to understand him.

“No. Not necessarily.” Lucas shook his head. “I think a lot of depends on the experience. What was yours like?”

“I don’t know,” Eliott answered unsurely. “I always felt like they protected me too much. I get that it’s what parents do. But while trying to protect me from this world they’ve forgotten that I needed not only protection but love. Sometimes I felt like I was their captive or pet they needed to care of, but not their son. I never felt a real warmth if you know what I mean.” Lucas was the first person after Emile who Eliott decided to tell this. And he knew him only a couple of days. That was insane.

“Did you talk with them about it?” That was clear that Lucas wanted to help. As if it was that simple.

“Of course,” Eliott smiled. “But that would be the story for another day.” He’s already told more than enough and that was some controversial stuff. He was lucky that the boy didn’t run away from him straight away, and he wasn’t ready to risk it further. Not yet. They both needed to rest. “Goodnight, Lucas,” he whispered.

“Goodnight,” the boy whispered back and once again shiver ran down Eliott's body.

He looked at him one last time and left to his room, having no doubt that he would have a good sleep that tonight. And Lucas too.

Chapter 8 Eliott and Lucas have a date... well, kind of.

“How could you bring Lucas to our flat and not even wake me up?!”

That was a nice «Good morning» from Emile when Eliott walked out of his room.

“So you already saw him,” Eliott stated the obvious and went to the kitchen.

“Yes, he’s in the shower right now.” Emile followed him. “In OUR shower. He asked me if he could take it after sleeping on OUR sofa! How could you not tell me about this?!”

Was Emile angry? Oh yeah! Did he have a reason for it? Well, maybe. Did Eliott regret not waking him up? Not at all.

“Why? For you to come and watch him sleeping like some creep? The boy needed some rest, I gave him that. End of the story,” Eliott tried to defend himself. Though he doubted that Emile could have really understood that. He was too consumed with his crush on the boy to see the one obvious fact: Lucas had no time for this shit. Eliott really thought that Emile would give Lucas some space as now he knew that he had family problems. But that clearly wasn’t the case. And now, when Eliott knew Lucas’ situation, he couldn’t but was irritated by his friend’s behavior.

“Good morning,” Lucas appeared in the kitchen with a shy smile and wet hair. He was looking at Eliott.

“Morning,” Eliott smiled back at him. That was impossible not to do.

“Thank you for letting me take the shower. And for the towel.” Lucas turned to Emile, who was looking at him adoringly.

“You’re always welcome. And you’re just in time! The breakfast is ready!” Emile rushed to the stove, and there was a pan with fried eggs on it.

“That wasn’t necessary. I don’t…” The boy began murmuring shyly, but Emile didn’t let him finish.

“Don’t be stupid. Sit down!” Emile put the pan on the table and pushed Lucas to the chair, the boy fell on it awkwardly. That situation could have made Eliott smile if only Emile’s wasn’t so pushy towards their guest. He had no boundaries. Lucas clearly felt uncomfortable. And that wasn’t Eliott’s goal when he brought him here yesterday. He wanted him to relax a little but Emile was ruining it.

“So did you sleep well?” Eliott decided to distract the boy from Emile’s chaotic behavior.

“Yeah, thanks.” Lucas smiled at him once again. But Eliott could feel that he was controlling his every move, that was strange. “Actually, I had some crazy dream last night,” the boy admitted, turning fork in his hand and looking at the eggs. He still wasn’t eating.

“Yeah? What is it?” Emile asked. He looked like he finally met his favorite celebrity and couldn’t let his eyes off him. That looked quite embarrassing.

“Some weird stuff. A large army of hedgehogs took control of Paris, and we all became their slaves.” Lucas sounded absolutely serenely. But if Eliott had been eating or drinking, he would have definitely choked on it. And the boy knew what he was doing.

“An army of hedgehogs? That’s really some weird shit,” Emile agreed, having had absolutely no idea what that was about.

The fact was that yesterday Elliott just couldn’t fell asleep so easily. He wanted to draw. And he wanted to draw Lucas. He was too weak and after half an hour lying in his bed, he gave in to the temptation and went to the living room. That was only for a couple of seconds but that was enough for him to see that Lucas has been already sleeping. His mouth was a little bit open, the left hand was hanging from the sofa and his hair was sticking out in different directions. He reminded Eliott a little innocent hedgehog. Eliott remembered this image, and he drew a little hedgehog, sleeping on the couch but that wasn’t just that. He also drew a dream of this hedgehog, where his little army was walking to Paris. And there was an easy explanation of that: Eliott was sure that Paris needed more such amazing hedgehogs. Paris needed more people like Lucas. Though he knew that the boy was just too unique for this to happen. And he sent this picture to Lucas straight away. It was his first message to him. And now he knew that it was successfully received.

“Well, I like hedgehogs,” Eliott finally commented, smiling satisfied. “I think they are really cool.” He saw that Lucas was smiling too. That was enough for a very good morning.

“Mate, why didn’t you wake Emile up? That would be a great chance for him!” Idriss was smoking his cigarette, watching at Eliott as if he’s killed someone.

Of course, Emile told Idriss and Sofiane what happened as soon as he saw them. Of course, they took his side. Of course, they began asking questions. And of course, none of them could understand his actions. And actually, Eliott didn’t even try to explain himself anymore. He was too tired of his friends' stupidity to fight with it.

“How did you meet him anyway?” Sofiane asked. And at this point, Eliott didn’t even care about his suspicious glances. He could think what he wanted to think.

“They met on the street when Eliott was leaving the chemist,” Emile gave the answer instead of Eliott, and he didn’t really mind. “Lucas had some problems at home and some accident with his hand, so Eliott suggested him crash at ours.”

“That was very nice of you.” Sofiane kept looking at Eliott, and Eliott couldn’t stop looking at the cigarette in Idriss’ hand. He wouldn’t have minded making a few drags himself. “What a happy coincidence that you were there, yeah?” Sofiane was pushy.

“I guess so, yeah,” Eliott murmured.

“Did he say what’s happened? That must be really bad if you can’t stay at nights at your own house,” Idriss said.

“He told me that he had a fight with his father. That’s all.” Emile shrugged his shoulders and looked at Eliott as if he was expecting him to add something. But he didn’t. That wasn’t their business to meddle in. And Emile’s got his mood and finally changed the topic. Well, kind of. “Anyway, you know that my birthday is soon, and I was planning a quiet night with you as usual, but I kind of want to invite Lucas, Bazile, Arthur, and Yann too. What do you think?” He smiled as if their opinions mattered.

“Well, it’s your day so you can do what you want. If you want your present to be Lucas then let it be so!” Idriss let out a laugh, and Emile pushed his shoulder playfully.

“Yeah, they seem like cool dudes, so why not?” Sofiane agreed.

“Eliott?” Emile asked when he didn’t give his answer.

“Yeah, sounds cool,” Eliott was urged to say, though he couldn’t care more. He didn’t even know these guys. But he knew Lucas. That was enough.

“Eliott, I wanted to ask for your help actually,” Sofiane said suddenly, and Eliott knew straight away that he was plotting something. “I have some troubles with Literature, can you help me after school?”

Of course, that sounded innocent and there was nothing unordinary here as Eliott helped him before. But right now Eliott knew better. Sofiane was a zone of danger, which he had no desire to enter.

“No,” he blurted out, and by the faces of the boys, it was clear that they were surprised. “I already have some other plans.”

With that, he pulled out his phone and left them just to avoid all the unnecessary questions. He had some better things to do. And that certainly wasn’t paying attention to their confused glances at him.

srodluv in the mood to skip a couple of classes what do you think? lucallemat that’s will be a date

srodluv deal

They were sitting on the bench in a local park near a small lake. It wasn’t even midday, so there were almost no people here except for a couple of sportsmen and women with children. The weather was nice, but still a little bit windy. The atmospheric air was clearly hinting at the rain coming its a way. Again. But that wasn’t a trouble at all as long as Lucas was sitting next to Eliott. Lucas who was looking much fresher and healthier now. A good sleep clearly did its wonders on him, and Eliott was happy that he's helped him with that. That he helped him to get better. That he helped his blue eyes be bright again. Even if it was just for a while.

“Why did you choose this place?” Eliott asked after they shared a couple of minutes of silence. Yeah, Eliott gave him a free choice and was surprised to see that his dream destination was a park. A simple, unremarkable park.

“Don’t know.” Lucas shrugged his shoulders. “I just like simple things. I think that the simplest things are the most beautiful. And if you want to hide, then there is no better place to hide than in plain sight.”

There was something in his voice that made Eliott’s skin shiver. There was something depressing in his tone which made Eliott think that the boy was still hiding some secrets. That probably were the secrets which could open Eliott a real Lucas Lallemant but the boy clearly wasn’t in a hurry to open up about them. And Eliott couldn’t judge him as he was the same, but still… he wanted to get everything that was only possible just to be a little be closer to him.

“You sound very sad.” Eliott was sure that it wasn’t the best thing to say at the moment, but he wanted to make it clear that he was here, and he was really listening to him.

“Sometimes life’s sad. I guess it’s something that none of us can change,” Lucas smiled weakly, and Eliott hated to admit that he couldn't agree more. “But there are good moments too. In fact, I believe that in our lives there are much more good moments rather than bad. For example, right now we could sit in the lessons and die with boredom, but instead we’re here, and we’re having a good time… well, I hope so!” That was the moment when sad Lucas’ gone and the old one, which was much more positive, returned. The way Lucas' mood could change at any minute was fascinating and scary at the same time. And Eliott knew that these changes were a clear cry for help and there were too many masks which the boy was wearing, but Elliott couldn't push on him. If Lucas wanted to say something, it should be his choice to do that.

"You sound like my grandfather. He used to tell that all bad things are overweighted by good things at the end." These words really slipped off Eliott’ tongue. That was on his mind, but he never wanted to say the words aloud, but it was too late now. He's already gotten Luca's attention.

"Is it bad or a good thing?" He asked, looking at Eliott as if he was trying to look into his soul. Eliott hated when people did that, but he forgave Lucas immediately. He could forgive him everything really.

"Well, he was a wise man, so I guess it's a "pros" in your characteristic." Eliott smiled, but he knew it wasn't because of happiness. And he felt like Lucas knew it at so as his face changed.

"Did he die?" Lucas asked carefully. And Eliott should have thought before using past tenses in his words.

"No," he shook his head. "But he's kind of dead to me and my parents." Of course, it wasn't such a great idea to say a thing like that in an attempt to avoid further questions. But Lucas didn't ask anything. As if he knew that Eliott shouldn't be pushed into it. And that's why Eliott knew that he owed him an explanation. No, he didn't owe him that, he wanted to give him the explanation. "He didn't accept me the way I am." That was much harder to say than he thought. That was for sure.

"Was that because he knew that you like boys too?" Lucas supposed. And his assumptions were understandable as he didn't know the whole story.

"Yeah," Eliott nodded his head because that actually was a part of the reason too. "When I was a child we were super close. I was his only grandchild, and he's just lost my grandmother, so he gave me all his love. He was the one who showed me the world of drawing actually. He supported my every work, even the weakest one. He always took me with him on camping because he loved nature, and he's taught me how to capture it on my canvas. That didn’t turn up to be my style at the end but still… and he always bought me all the sweets I wanted. I adored him..." Eliott said, and the smile was playing on his face because those memories were still warming him inside. So much time's passed, but he could still remember the smell of the fire and chills from his granddad's night stories. "But then I changed, and he decided that I was doing it only for attention. It was making him angry when I was doing something I wasn't supposed to do, and he stopped understand me. The real me. And the worst thing was that he couldn't accept the fact that my parents were quite alright with my "outrageous behavior" and did nothing to make me stop. At one point, he even said that he'd stop calling me his grandson if I won’t stop with my nonsense, and he did that! And that was a final straw for my parents, who have already been over-protective of me, so they cut him out of our lives completely. My mother cut out her own father out of her life because of me. And I’ve never heard of him since.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Lucas admitted and that made Eliott smile. He loved the way this boy was trying to be honest in relation to everything.

“That’s alright. I think that situation made me realize that this world can be very cruel. And, yeah, I still feel bad because I lost a person who I really loved, but at least now I know what I can expect from people no matter how close they are to me.” Eliott really tried to sound rational. He wanted to think about it as about another life lesson rather than a history of betrayal. It was easier that way.

“So we’re both philosophers now?” Lucas smiled and Eliott laughed.

“Oh, yeah, who are too cool for school,” he noted.

“Well, I’ve been promised a date with a guy on whom I put my eyes on since my first day at school. Suppose, I didn’t have a choice.” Lucas winked at Eliott.

“How do you do that?” Eliott asked and Lucas looked at him confused. “You’re so open with your feelings. You think something and you say it… that’s great. But how do you do it?”

“Well, that’ not really true,” Lucas shook his head. His face became serious and his body visibly tensed. “Yeah, with you that was easy because I felt that connection right away, but you don’t have any idea how many times I wanted to come to you that first day and I chickened out all of these times. I’m a lucky guy that you decided to skip your lessons then and we met. In reality, I was losing my shit over the thought of a simple conversation with you.” A small smile appeared on the boy’s face. But he was still tense. Eliott could feel it.

“Yeah, but you didn’t hesitate to leave me that comment and then flirt with me in the middle of the school. That wasn’t shy at all!” Eliott raised an eyebrow.

“Do you know that I spent half of the night awake, thinking about me making a huge mistake with this comment? That was quite innocent, but the stress of it was killing me. And you didn’t even answer. I thought that I properly embarrassed myself.”

“Yeah, but you still came to me the next day, didn’t you?” Eliott couldn’t let it go.

“Yeah, because I still wanted to know you. I don’t know how it works, but when I’m with you I just feel like I know what to do and it turned out that I did everything right, yeah? I’ve got the result I wanted to!” A devious smile brightened his face.

“Nah, this is all bullshit,” Eliott exclaimed, smiling back. “I think you know perfectly well what you’re doing, you just don’t like acknowledging a sinister side of yours! I think you want to look like a cute and a naïve baby boy with big blue eyes while in a reality you’re a sneaky devil who’s perfectly aware of the influence he has on people.” Eliott had no idea where this all came from, but he was feeling it with his bones that Lucas wasn’t so simple as he wanted to look like.

“So now you’re a psychic too! Great!” Lucas teased and that was obvious that Eliott’s word didn’t make him mad. That was a confirmation that at some point he was right. “But you see, I’m not a devil, I’m a hedgehog. A little cute hedgehog!” Lucas continued with his teasing, and Eliott rolled his eyes. Ok. That was his own fault that Lucas had something against him now. “But I liked what you did. Thank you!”

“Well, I love drawing beautiful things, so how could I resist?” Eliott knew that he sounded like a soppy romantic, but it wasn’t in his plans to hold himself back anymore. And when he saw how wider Lucas’ smile has become he knew that it was worth it.

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by Eliott’s phone. Actually, he was surprised that it took so long for his friends to contact him. This time he was cleverer and he sent Emile a message, telling him not to worry and that he was alright, but he didn’t expect that he would just accept it and leave him alone. And that wasn’t even Emile who was calling him but Sofiane.

Eliott skipped the call, promising himself to call him later.

“You can answer, that’s alright,” Lucas assured when he saw Eliott’s action.

“Nah, he wants some help with Literature but right now I have more important stuff on my mind,” Eliott said, not even trying to hide his flirtatious anymore. And that made Lucas’s cheeks turn to red.

But Sofiane wasn’t going to give up so easily. He called once again.

“Seriously, you have to answer. It can be important!” Lucas clearly didn’t want to be the reason for Eliott ignoring his friends. But Eliott didn’t care. Lucas deserved all his attention.

“If it’s something serious he’d leave a message, don’t worry.” Eliott decline the call

And as if Sofiane was a psychic, the messages began to come to Eliott’s number. And that was the thing Eliott couldn’t ignore.

[ Sofiane ]

you disappeared and guess what? Lucas disappeared too whatever you’re playing stop it and call me back or I’ll tell Emile everything

Eliott felt numb. He was shocked by the threat. And he was scared. The only thing Eliott knew is that Sofiane would never throw his words around. If he said something he always meant it. And if he’s written such thing to Eliott then he clearly had an intention to keep his word. Eliott began to feel cold and his hands began shaking.

“Hey, are you alright?” Lucas asked worried, having witnessed the change in Eliott’s state. That was impossible not to notice it.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Eliott didn’t want to give the boy reason to worry. But his voice betrayed him.

“No, you’re not,” Lucas argued and what Eliott could say against it? He was trembling. Of course, he wasn’t alright. “And I think I know the reason,” Lucas admitted and Eliott looked at him puzzled. The boy had no idea what he was talking about. There was no way he could know, but that was Lucas’ turn to surprise him as he continued, “I know that Emile likes me. And I know that you have troubles because of it».

Lucas’ words were like a bolt from the blue. Eliott froze and he didn’t have any words. He was just, sitting and looking at the boy with only one question on his mind: how was it possible?

#skam france #elu fic #my fics #here come the second part #and the next chapter is coming soon...#at least i have it in my plans #crush and burn baby

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