#just like Kharlan!

[innerchorus]

Not tagging this with the series tags as it's just a silly little wish of mine, but here's one small yet very specific thing I want from the Team Arslan vs Team Hilmes confrontation: for Zandeh to get a trivial wound on his cheek like the one Kharlan was given by Sam.

[pattyaifread]

Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World - Hatenai Omoi Vol. 2, Richter Abend Excerpts

I translated the first and last parts of Richter's chapter in the second volume of Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World - Feelings Without End by Sara Yajima.

The chapter begins post-game with Richter alone in Ginnungagap, and he starts to reminisce about the time he spent with Aster. The novel covers up from just before the time he got captured and locked away in the Research Academy, up to Aster's death.

Occasionally, he felt a throbbing sensation on his forehead. Richter Abend lightly touched the spot with his fingers, reaffirming that Ratatosk’s core was implanted there. It had been some time since the Summon Spirit Ratatosk had left Ginnungagap, and although the strange sensation hadn’t disappeared, he was now used to it.

Just how much time had passed since then?

Ratatosk split his body from his core and returned to that world as Emil Castagnier, and should be spending his time as a short-lived human alongside Marta Lualdi and their friends. Perhaps this throbbing sensation is responding to Emil’s feelings, Richter thought.

He knew it was a little too convenient to think that Ratatosk living as Emil was making up for what should have been Aster’s life. However, that thought was the only solace for Richter who was sealed inside Ginnungagap as a human sacrifice, and had to live with the core.

Nothing happened in this place. The flow of time couldn’t be felt. Even the demons from Niflheim were silent.

“A thousand years.” Ratatosks’s voice rose to his mind. “It will take a thousand years to separate mana from all living beings on this planet. After mana is no longer needed to support this world, the remaining mana will be used to create a new seal. I’ll release you then.”

I suppose it’s an offer I should be grateful for considering I sold my soul to demons and tried to destroy the world.

Richter’s lips curved into a smile at the edges, and as he gazed at the dark space spreading out before him, he recalled his best friend.

They had read books together, devoted their all to research, fiercely debated with one another, and had shared bread on their travels together. Aster was carefree and never discriminated against him, and in the end all that was left behind was a cold corpse.

Aster… Even once I’m released, you won’t exist in the world that I return to…

Richter wondered what that foolishly good-natured Aster would think of him spending a thousand years in the place of his death, and quietly closed his eyes.

※

—---------

After they enter Ginnungagap

“Richter!” Aster called for Richter. “Look. Over there.”

Richter followed Aster’s line of sight, and there he saw a being looking down upon them. Aster took one step towards it.

“Aster…”

Aster signaled it would be okay and made a fist, and swallowed hard while nodding. “You’re Ratatosk, the Summon Spirit of the Great Kharlan Tree, right?” His shaking voice seemed to reach the being.

“Some have called me by that name.” Ratatosk’s voice was deep and rattled the air. Those on the other side of the door reacted to that voice and became boisterous.

Richter took notice that Ratatosk’s gaze was fixed above them, and moved to stand shoulder to shoulder with Aster. “Ratatosk,” Richter called out as he gazed upon the Summon Spirit, “right now, the flow of mana in the world is out of balance and is in a state of chaos. We believe that to restore that balance, your power is needed.”

“Even if I restore the balance, the world will once again fall into chaos without a tree,” Ratatosk coldly stated.

“We heard that a new tree was born!” Aster started speaking again, this time with a firm voice. “But from what we researched, the spirit of the new tree doesn’t have the power to control the flow of mana like you do.”

“Hmph. And?”

“I beg of you! Please use the Centurions to restore the balance of mana in the world! If you do, the world will be saved!”

There was a momentary silence. Then suddenly, the Summon Spirit’s voice boomed. “Awaken, Centurions! Form pacts with monsters, and restore the balance of mana. And then eradicate humanity who destroyed my tree!”

W-what?!

Richter doubted his ears.

“W-what on earth are you saying!” Aster went white as a sheet.

“I thought you wanted to save the world?”

“Why do you have to kill people to do that?!” Aster picked a fight with the Summon Spirit.

Ratatosk became furious at his words. The room trembled with his next words. “Who was it who destroyed the Great Kharlan Tree?! Humans and half-elves, that’s who! So I’ll destroy them in return!”

“B-but a new World Tree was born!” Aster replied frantically.

“And in time you’ll destroy it once more. Your kind are nothing but parasites to this world!”

“That’s not true!” Aster looked hurt, and continued to frantically appeal. “Humans and half-elves are an important part of this world, and—”

This is bad, Richter thought. At that very moment—

“Silence!” Ratatosk’s callous voice roared.

?!?!

Richter saw white fly by at the edge of his vision. Aster was hit by the full brunt of Ratatosk’s power, and went flying. He crashed down against the floor violently, and continued to tumble. By the time his body had stopped rolling, all Richter saw a white lump that was twisted unnaturally, and Aster was no longer moving.

“Aster?!” Richter yelled out, wide-eyed.

“See? The death of one parasite had no effect on the world.”

“Aster?!” Richter approached Aster unsteadily. Why was he yelling for him even though he knew it was too late? Even though nothing would change in the world? His feet stopped.

“Aster… Aster.” Richter turned to look behind him. “You bastard! How could you… How dare you do that to Aster!”

Richter grabbed his sword and axe as the blood rushed to his head. He rushed towards the Summon Spirit.

“Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!”

Ratatosk recoiled at the sword raised high. The sharp edge of the blade cut into the Summon Spirit. “Guh!”

If I kill Ratatosk, the world will fall into ruin. Richter realized this fact, but it mattered not.

“How dare you do that to Aster! Mortal Summer!”

Flames burst out from the swinging axe and raced across the floor in the space between him and Ratatosk. However, it had no effect on the spirit.

“Dammit!”

He threw his axe and it cut through Ratatosk’s leg and lodged into the floor. Taking that chance, Richter grabbed his sword with both arms and raised it above his head. “Towering Inferno!”

It didn’t matter who his opponent was. He went on the attack against Ratatosk who was blinded by the dizzying light. 

But then at the perfect timing— “Ain Soph Aur!”—Ratatosk sent the axe flying and retaliated.

“Aghhhhh!!!!” Richter felt like his body would break into pieces upon impact, but scraped together all his remaining power for one last attack.

I don’t care if I die. Aster was already killed like some bug!

“Tch!” Ratatosk clicked his tongue at the tenacious half-elf.

On the verge of insanity and death, Richter raised his sword once more above his head as it gleamed. Through the violent bursts of light, he had just barely glimpsed Ratatosk’s figure bending back. When the light faded, the spirit was nowhere to be seen.

“Where… did you go…” Richter was breathing heavily and collapsed to his knees. He then noticed a shining red gem rolling on the floor.

What… is that? Don’t tell… me… that’s… Rata…tosk? The sound of blood gushing out felt like it would tear apart his eardrums. He crouched down for a moment.

Aster!

He started to crawl towards Aster with a desperate look on his face.

…Aster!!

A blue figure passed by several times overhead. Richter didn’t notice that Centurion Aqua was there at all. She hid herself in the darkness. “As..ter…”

He finally grasped the edge of that white coat. With a sliver of hope, Richter looked up towards that twisted body. However, with a pale face and closed eyes, Aster was unmoving.

“I always figured I’d hand it all over to you once you eventually left the Research Academy and went out into the world.” “I want to entrust everything to you, Richter. When I die, please make sure my research lives on.” “Rather than interactive, it’s more like circulation!”

Whose voices were those? It echoed repeatedly in his head, causing pain. “Rata…tosk… I’ll never… forgive you!”

Richter picked up the gem—Ratatosk’s core—and though he lacked knowledge surrounding it, he knew he should destroy it.

While holding Aster up, he thought to go grab the core, but his consciousness was already dim due to the wound. Even so, he struggled with all his might to support his body, but just sitting up was his limit.

Suddenly, a black shadow jumped out of midair.

What?!

The black shadow swiftly grabbed the core in its mouth and ran off into the darkness.

“D-damn… it… Augh!”

When he looked down, he noticed that Aster’s white clothes had been dyed crimson in his arms.

Everything was over. Richter had finally understood that. He would never come back to life. Knowing that, he couldn’t contain his cries. Using the remainder of his life, he wanted to become empty.

“Aster! Aster! ASTER!!”

Richter slanted over and collapsed onto the floor as his screams continued reverberating.

※

Just how long had he immersed himself in memories of Aster?

Whether it was only for an instant, or for a year or even ten, it made no difference to his current predicament. When he opened his eyes, the unchanging view of Ginnungagap spread out before him. If he had been left like that, he no doubt would have lost his life, he recalled.

By the time he came to, Centurion Aqua was staring at him worriedly. “It’s all my fault for taking you there in the first place…”

She had taken Richter, who was on the verge of death, to a safe place and nursed him back to health. She had greatly lamented the death of Richter’s friend, and mourned. So she had listened to his story, and opened her heart to him. Richter made contact with the demons, and exchanged a contract with them: “If you open the door to the demonic realm, Aster will be revived.” Aqua of the eight Centurions betrayed the Summon Spirit Ratatosk, and chose to work together with Richter.

Richter gave Solum’s core that he had received from the demons to Brute, the leader of the Sylvaranti Liberation Front, and in return received a high ranking in the Vanguard’s troops.

The Summon Spirit Ratatosk was the face of Richter’s revenge–a face stolen from Aster. And now, he had given his body to that very same Summon Spirit and was spending a thousand years in the place where Aster had been killed. Richter had begun to gradually think he was finally making peace with everything.

I wonder what Emil is up to now.

He wondered if Emil was forging his own path forward together with Marta.

Richter had a secret hope that he would never dare voice.

He hoped that once Emil saw his life through as a human, that he would return to this place in Emil’s form. If it was Emil in old age, then perhaps he would be able to get a glimpse of Aster’s life, who he should have watched over. If it was the sixteen year old Emil… Richter let out a faint laugh. It seemed like something Ratatosk would do. He wouldn’t mind spending a thousand years here in that case.

He would gladly repay that kindness for the sake of the world that gave birth to Aster and allowed them to meet. He prayed to be able to once again research day in and out alongside Aster once he was released. He knew it was impossible, but that feeling revived in Richter’s chest again and again, carrying him away to those nostalgic days.

He heard giggling as he began to space out again. He cleared his throat. Once again, there were giggles.

Centurion Aqua and Centurion Tenebrae—they dispersed to escape at that moment. He wasn’t able to see them, but he could sense them. Those two, along with the rest of the Centurions, were busy controlling monsters and working on separating mana from the world, but occasionally they would return and tease Richter. It was their own form of consideration.

Richter put his hand against the core on his forehead. He was looking forward to hearing about Ratatosk’s happy travels as a human. Richter believed that somewhere in there, he would find proof that Aster was still alive.

End

Flashback quotes:

The first one is after the worlds were merged, and half-elves were released. The line is from Richter, who never thought he'd be able to leave. The second one is from Aster, when he's lamenting he only has so many more decades left as a human, and wishes he could continue to research for eternity. (This is just before they enter Ginnungagap) (Sorry kid).

The third one is Rilena, talking about the relationship between Aster and Richter and how well they've been able to get along. They're using scientific terms here rather than normal terms to describe human relationships, in terms of humans and half-elves getting along, so out of context it doesn't make much sense. But she's saying that they built a really well relationship, to the point she's even a little jealous of it.

[beyondbinaries]

I'm posting this a bit early in case the 12th isn't a good mental health day. And I'm sorry if the random tag is annoying or if this post takes up too much space on dash.

On Oct 12 2016, I made a coincedental decision that has changed my life as a whole. A choice that has led me to so much pain but also so many happy memories and irreplcable friends. I made my pfp on Quotev a Genis Sage picture and somehow ended up involved in a Symphonia rp group 💕.

I had loved Genis as a character since I was a child watching my sister play at my Nanny's (my cousin would always delete her save before we even reached triet) and when we got a copy of the game when I was around 11/12 I had him on my team for the most part. It was my fascination with half elves and the mysterious Kharlan War Era that led to the creation of Mana, Oracle, Lee, 3rd, and Sunny. But those were all just childish writing in a notebook I hid from the world. Im sure lil me would die on the spot to hear that they are charas so many people know. I always knew that I loved to write but it was for charas like Sherlotta who were niche and not from a series as big as Tales so I never wrote Genis. Well until that day, I was too awkward to tell them I wasnt an rp blog and fully committed to it.

And look where that has led me. Here to you all. This journey may have been long and filled with things I'd never wish on anyone but I'm happy. So many of you have encouraged me and been there for me. I love and appreciate you all. Under the cut imma try to have things for a lot of you all word wise as gratitude. But thank you all so much, there are no amount of words or tangible sentences to express how much you all mean to me. And a happy birthday to my Genis interp who I wish i still wrote

@pyonpyonpyon ; Yuki youve been around since I started on here and damn time sure does fly. Thank you for always sticking around and plotting some of the most insane relations w/ me (Moe and Yuuri family) and dealing with tye silly kyubey meming I did back in 2017 (its been that long)

@mermaus ; sobs you know how much i lov and appreciate you but I will reiterate here... Lena you have stood by me for so much, have made my day so many times, etc. You are one of the most talented people on this website and in general? You are funny, kind, brave, strong, amazing. Im forever thankful to have met you and to be in your life. I am so eagerly awaiting the day we can meet and I can hug you irl.

@strebcr ; Pineapple !!! I am so so glad to have reconected with you! You are truly an amazing person and i am forever blessed to be considered your friend.

@in-sum ; Puyo !! Sobs I am so glad we were able to reconnect again, you are an amazing friend and you are always there for me. Youve stood in my corner when I was going through some of my worst times and I am forever grateful. You are talented and kindhearted and you stand up for what you believe is right.

@malusrecord / @constellationcrowned ; Kala!!!!!! It goes without saying how amazing of a writer and person you are. You bring so much life to your characters and it truly shows. I always find myself reading and rereading your posts when I am active on dash. You deserve all the good things in the world. And thank you so much for being my fren, I will always enjoy our dms and learning more about series i never thought I'd enjoy.

@ervaurem ; Shai!! I appreciate ypu so heckin much, you are such a kind and thoughtful person. I adore your presence on my dash and i adore the bonds between our characters. You've been there for me for such a long time now and I cant ever thank you enough..

@ofstarsandskies , @mathcs , @altosk , @cataclysmus , @talesofourworlds , and @broadswordandpistol ; a big catch all for all the wonderful people I met during festitales, despite how rough i am forever thankful for the oppurtunity I was given to force others into my point and click dm style of adventure. I have so much I cam say to each n every one of you 🥺

@solivcgant ; Mochi Mochi!! I am so sorry for the crimes Mana has committed against food and Eiji's mental health (eggbear eggs painge). I enjoy your presence and dog memes so much. You are so cool amd amazing aaa.

@twinklesofhope ; Ringo!! You are so talented and seeing you around makes me so happy.

@canidgrit / @nickitsden ; Fox!!! Hi we don't write together often but you are such a joy to see on my dash.

@biisutoarm ; Red!!! Hewwo hewwo, i love your Elfman so much he is such a treat and seeing him on dash always brightens my day. You are such a talented writer !

@osovereign ; Rinni! Hi hello, you are such an amazing and wonderful person. I have a lot of fun dming and writing with you. Its so nice to write with you again (I found a draft from like Jan 2017 on an old blog for you and i had to stop and stare at it lol--). I appreciate you so much and I hope to keep expanding Kratos' collection of poor Mana art.

@ednaeflowers ; Jenny!! Hi!! I know we aren't all that close or anything but you are such a delight to see on my dash. The Eizen and Edna thread we have is near and dear to my heart. I also really appreciate Mana and Edna's little friendship thing. I just really love your Edna interp 🥺, you are so talented and I appreciate you.

And to anyone else who read this far down, I love and appreciate you so much. Even if we don't speak or really write together. I genuinely believe each and every person I follow are talented individuals.

[genericpuff]

Is there a real difference between something being a reimagining of Greek myths and something being inspired by it?

I mean, it's a difference that's kind of subjective IMO but the way I personally see it, it comes down to what the story itself is trying to be. Is it trying to be a retelling, or is it trying to be its own story that just happens to take elements from the myths for the fun of it?

A myth retelling will typically be doing just that, retelling a mythical story with its characters with maybe some aesthetic changes, artistic liberties, or tweaks to fit a new generation. Example: Stray Gods, Hades, Hadestown, Lore Olympus, etc. All these stories are retelling myths and tales while putting more modern or subversive twists on them. Hadestown may feature a version of the Underworld that's built on coal mines, but it's still the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. Hades may feature a version of Hades and Persephone who genuinely fell in love (Persephone was born to Demeter and a mortal man instead of Zeus which also removes the incest, and Persephone genuinely wanted to leave Olympus and saw marrying Hades as her way out), but they still gave Demeter her affiliations with winter and grieving the loss of her daughter.

Something that's simply myth inspired isn't necessarily trying to be accurate to the myths or retell them, they're just yoinking elements out of myths either directly or indirectly for the sake of fun and creativity. A recent example is Attack on Titan which is clearly referencing a lot of Norse mythology by the end with Ymir. Though an even bigger example of this is JRPG's, a lot of them tend to reference Greek and Norse myth in obvious or subtle ways, but aren't necessarily retelling those stories. Persona 3 uses a lot of Greek myth as the foundation for its story. The Ascians in Final Fantasy XIV go by Greek myth aliases such as Hermes and Hades, while there are raids in the game with Greek naming conventions (there's literally a raid boss in the newest set of Asphodelos raids named "Athena"). Tales of Symphonia is WWII meets Norse mythology, featuring subplots that tackle deep topics like discrimination, segregation and genocide (the "human ranches" are literally concentration camps) while also taking artistic inspiration from the Norse myths featuring the Great Kharlan Tree (the tree of life, Yggdrasil) and even the final boss' name is Yggdrasil, in the game's final cutscene Lloyd is given the opportunity to name the new reborn tree and while the audio fades out before you can hear what he names it, when you learn of Norse myth and how it inspired the game you just know he named it Yggdrasil (unfortunately they played it safer with the name "World Tree" in the game's sequel Dawn of the New World, but we don't talk about DotNW lmao). There are also a lot of religious allegories in JRPG's, particularly with Christianity, but that's another topic.

Point is, something that's simply taking inspiration from Greek myth or other mythologies isn't necessarily trying to retell those stories directly or even at all. Sometimes a piece of work is simply referencing them or enjoys the naming conventions or messaging of those original stories that it makes for a good parallel.

Not every story inspired by mythologies are attempting to retell them, but every retelling is inspired by the mythologies upon which they're based.

[baronaliswritingcorner]

Tales of Symphonia Stray Thoughts #7: Pre-Tower of Salvation

Right, so, after leaving the Tower of Mana... -ever notice how the party just ends up at Lake Umacy somehow

-actually how did all those trees/logs fall into the lake anyway

-"Wow! So there are still unicorns left on this side!"

...are they a frequent sight in Tethe'alla or something?

-The "Lloyd's Bad Habit" skit highlights one of those weird mean-spirited quirks I've discussed before; in this case, Lloyd getting bored with everything. I could buy an argument that it's meant to emphasize Lloyd's unpreparedness for the rigors of a world-saving journey (the post-Water Seal skit between Lloyd/Kratos -- wherein the latter reminds Lloyd of the task he willingly signed up for -- makes a great advocate here), but the "comedy" never lands and it just comes across as overly cynical. (Especially in silent dialogue, where stiff language abounds) Thankfully, it only really plagues the first act, but Symphonia (or Tales, really) has a weird knack for character traits that're there just to check boxes and this one's easily my least favorite.

-you think sheena snuggles with corrine every night. imagine

-What's up with how the Undine cutscenes bookend with non-voiced dialogue? This game's priorities, man.

-"Mithos is a common boy's name. It's not necessarily Mithos the Hero."

Undine and Kratos: 😬

-Man, Fighting of the Spirit is such a badass boss theme, huh? It originally hails from Tales of Phantasia, right? I'd like to know the context behind that...

-Undine, being attacked : EH UH UH UH EH UH UH UH UH UH EH UH UH UH

man I am sure am glad there's no one in the room right now

-"Right now, at this very moment, there are people who are suffering. I vow to save those people."

Undine: lol bitch I saw what you did with the Giant Kharlan Tree. Pact annulsted

-Raine: Kratos, you have an impressive display of knowledge.

Kratos: I had an acquaintance who knew a bit about Summon Spirits, that's all.

Raine: 🤔

-Sheena: ...although...I hated being a summoner.

Lloyd: Really?

*skit ends*

AWKWAAAAAAARRRRD

-Only "pure maidens" can approach the unicorn -- combined with Raine's "because I'm an adult" reasoning, some have taken this to mean she's not a virgin. Personally, I always thought that was just an excuse not to get near the water, but it's an interesting theory.

-...so the Unicorn Horn can just up and restore Colette back to normal? Geez, girl, think of yourself for once!

-Kratos called the Mana Cannon "Thor's Hammer" -- had history distorted the name? Actually, now I wonder how often it used back then. Must've been brutal.

-They're very few and far between, but I LOVE these moments where the party takes a moment to decompress and takes the opportunity to bounce off Lloyd as they face whatever comes next. The apprehension involved reveals them at their most intimate and the party really comes together in these scenes.

-"Tethe'alla's chosen. I can't stand that guy."

13-year old me wondered if we'd ever meet him. Little did I know...

-"I want to kick her for doing this."

Sacrilege! -"Clinging to the Chosen?"

You know he's right, Lloyd. Even Kratos can see the Colloyd. Embrace it.

-"But hey, if I make a mistake, I can just do it over again, right?"

Oof. -The Colloyd scene!!! 🥹🥹🥹

The debut of "No matter what happens to you, you're still you"! Her little smile at Lloyd's gentle "*I won't ever think you're weird. Ever"! The implied tragedy of "I'll wait forever"! The gradual despair of "Oh, that's right, you can't feel it..."! Pure, undiluted Colloyd!! The trust and concern they share remains unparalleled!! It's just the sweetest thing AAAAHHH!!!!

Lloyd's ultimately still in the dark over the true nature of the World Regeneration, but as the gears have begun to churn since Colette's confession, the seeds of his ideology have well begun to sprout by this point. "Damn, isn't there anything we can do?!", he asks -- knowing that Sylvarant's well-being shouldn't depend on one girl sacrificing her humanity. An age-old question -- should prosperity come at the cost of sacrificing the few? Lloyd, in all his infectious idealism, shatters that false ideal and makes the impossible possible. But you knew that.

There's a whole essay in how Colette romanticizes her ultimate fate --like how she's lying to herself as much as she's lying to others. Maybe there's some family history at play -- could Phaidra have done the same with her sister? Dark stuff, that ol' religious trauma.

(...actually, speaking of "even if you become like Marble, can you imagine the visual of Colette turning into an Exbeula and Lloyd just treating her like normal? Imagine -- her rage tempers at the sight of recognizing Lloyd and she just lives life as is. Be it a tragic beauty or absurdist/wholesome hiijinks, there's a whole fic there!)

-Dose sleeping poses in the inn. Oh my god -- I never stopped to notice. Look at how Lloyd's just sprawed out on that mat! Raine and Genis are sleeping on the floor! What kinda hotel service is this?!? They should've complained.

-One of the rare scenes where Noishe is voiced!

-"I imagine it's that assassin."

...okay, Kratos, we gleaned that, but who? Translation flub, or...?

-Yuan's ring is relevant! ...for like one line of dialogue. Mmkay. Much to say about that sidequest later. The first act ends soon!!! Finally, it's here where Symphonia really comes into its own.

[nanamiwifeyy]

A question about Hilmes...

You know, after watching Arslan Senki for like the third time, something bothers me....a lot.

How come that the generals/Marzban's don't know about Hilmes, being the son of their previous king?

Like for real, Hilmes is like 30 or something. Wouldn't the generals know who the heir to the throne was before a usurper of a brother takes it?

Eran Vahriz could have known maybe but Bahman and Irina knew. But like Sam, Kharlan knew after they saw his face, something like that.

But wouldn't Kishward,Kubard, Shapur ect know about a brown haired crown prince from their previous king?

Like these men are between 40-60 years old. How can you not know.

Didn't Hilmes live in the Capital, in the castle as crown prince? Is Hilmes like kicked out the family tree after that night by king Andragoras???

Maybe they thought that Hilmes died, that is possible but why didn't they search for the body then? I am sure you could have find bones if they thought that the prince burned away in his room.

And did you see his face? He resemblance his father and uncle (well half brothers since the mom shagged the father). The nose, the eyes, the forhead, everything.

I know Hilmes, you know, killed citizens from his own kingdom and shit. But why did they question what his motives where?

It just leaves me wondering......

Oh well, please enlighten me if you have answers

[neveralarch]

I need you to know how humungous of an impact the fencing au had on me

I am watching bouts on YouTube during my study breaks when my exams are like four days away (oh dear). I am cultivating my Pinterest algorithm to show me more fencing stuff. I created a Spotify playlist with a competitive, intense fencing vibe. I have followed r/fencing on Reddit. I am looking up clubs in my area and I am actually considering picking up fencing. If I had it my way I would do it right now but EXAMS ;-; and then I have Even Bigger Exams next year so I probably can't even do it until the end of next year :(

In summary, my brain and my body are itching for fencing

Do you have any recommendations for rabbit holes to dive into the world of fencing? Anything you would yell to a friend as you grab their shoulders and shake them with excitement after they tell you they're convinced to try fencing would be very helpful in scratching the itch HAHA

Lots of love,

Wildstreak :)

Wahhh this is the greatest compliment to receive, I'm so glad that you're being dragged into the world of fencing through my robots au lmao

Like a lot of niche sports, fencing is a little hard to get into but is also desperate for adults to come learn how it works and then stick around and do lots of organizing haha. Even if you don't have time to jump into learning right now, there are probably local or regional tournaments around you. These are pretty much always open to the public, and you can just go and watch and mention to someone who looks not too busy that you're interested in fencing and do they have a second to tell you about it. It's a great way to learn about the sport and also get an in with the local fencing community. I'd say I end up explaining fencing at about a third of the tournaments I go to.

I'm not a big social media person besides tumblr and I will say that when I glance at reddit, youtube, facebook etc it makes fencing feel way more drama-filled than it feels like irl. There's also a lot going on right now about international refereeing scandals that sounds wild but will not affect a newbie local fencer at all. I definitely recommend looking up bouts on youtube - for sabre, my fave fencers to watch are Olga Kharlan, Cecilia Berder, Misaki Emura, Aron Szilagyi, Oh Sang-uk, and Bolade Apithy. Obvs there's a lot of video available right now bc of the olympics, but cyrus of chaos on youtube also posts a lot of videos from the international circuit throughout the season

Also check out para fencing (wheelchair fencing) which is so so fun to watch. It's done entirely stationary and is very very fast, especially in sabre. Saysunee Jana and Gu Haiyan are both super dominant in wheelchair fencing generally and sabre specifically, and are very fun to watch.

Also. I gotta recommend By the Sword, the best/worst movie about fencing ever made. Ideally watch it with friends and be ready to pause frequently to yell about it. Some saint put the full movie on youtube and I guess it's also available on the Roku channel? You just gotta search the title. I've seen it like 10 times and I also wrote a fanfic of it that is BASICALLY the prototype of the transformers fencing AU but tragically without the robots.

Yayyyy swords :) hope you do try it out once you're less busy and have funnnn

[lialox]

Character analysis: Kratos and Lloyd

Why give Lloyd the locket? Why send Kratos to Derris-Kharlan?

At first I thought it was weird that Kratos gives Lloyd his locket in the Kratos-route in game. Like imagine if your dad gave you the baby photos he kept in his wallet? Like wtf would a kid do with that, it’s a dad thing to keep around. That thing would would do more good for Kratos, all alone in Derris Kharlan anyways. His office being plain and having no decorations is canon. He deserves a family picture up there.

But writing and trying to understand what goes on in his head made me get it. Kratos in game has a habit of giving Lloyd literally everything. Spoiled kid. He doesn’t question the “why”, he either shows Lloyd how to get it, or gives it to Lloyd on a silver platter. He’s fuelled by immense guilt and is doing everything to make up for it.

Early on in game Lloyd voices his frustrations to Kratos more than once about not knowing anything about his parents. I think Kratos was trying to give Lloyd a memory of his family, before all the bloodshed and trauma, since Lloyd wanted to remember so badly. Parents was the topic of the day in their Flanoir scene. Their relationship was good enough at that point that Kratos was comfortable enough to allow Lloyd to acknowledge Kratos as family. Lloyd goes easy on him at the fight before Origin, because he understands how much Kratos actually cares when he sees that Kratos kept that locket with him the whole time.

In every other route, Kratos would still be sulking, and give Lloyd everything EXCEPT a memory of them as a family so that Lloyd can move on without his shitty father. Lloyd does not hold back and severely injures him with all of his pent up frustration. I’m a fan of Kratos’ character but I truly believe he is a terrible father during ToS. He’s only doing what he does to make himself feel better, it’s not really about Lloyd, it’s really about his feelings and his guilt. 

Lloyd understands people pretty well. He gets that from Dirk for sure. Maybe Anna.

So while Dirk is right that some part of Lloyd wanted to go with him, there’s an even bigger part that knows Kratos needs to work on himself. “He’s got his own things to do.”

Because if anyone else in his party were to go to a different planet to save a race, he wouldn’t let them go by themselves right? If it was Colette, or anyone else he had a high affection with he would go on that journey together. The entire plot of ToS begins because Lloyd is NOT the type of person to let the people he cares about journey alone to save people.

Does he realize this means he may never see his dad again? Absolutely.

Is there a possibility Kratos was looking for a place to die out in space? Lloyd knows this.

Why does Lloyd still send him off? Lloyd trusts him enough to understand that “there’s no meaning in dying”. Getting sent to Derris Kharlan is literally serving a lifetime sentence in solitary. Kratos needs this for himself, to ease the immense guilt that he has. If it was about Lloyd, he would have stayed and made up for lost time and done everything he can to help him in his goals. He is the only human who knows all the secrets of the world and has the most experience in leadership, diplomacy, and guiding the masses when the planet itself changes. He is the most powerful ally Lloyd will ever have in the regenerated world. The option to let Derris Kharlan complete a 100 year cycle on its own is also there since it’s not like the angels will die, nor would the lifeless beings do anything other than ordered. (What, like they’re going to die of hunger or old age with those Cruxis Crystals?) And he's forgetting that the Desians ALSO need to atone and he can't atone for them. Kratos has the option to just dump everyone there and procrastinate finding a place for the half-elves of Cruxis until the comet completes its orbit and returns to Aselia. 

But he doesn’t stay. Because it’s not about helping Lloyd.

He’s a weak man who pushes everything on his child, including the absolution of 4000 years worth of guilt and disregards how his child feels. He’s so used to lying that he’s disguised his selfishness under “I’m doing this for my son” but it’s not. He loves his kid for sure, but Kratos’ one and only motivation is guilt.

Guilt for failing to take care of Mithos as he promised Martel. Guilt for making a mess of the world. Guilt for killing Anna. Guilt for being Lloyd’s father, because that fact alone almost got him killed several times. 

He tends to make the wrong decisions because his focus isn’t actually on morality or to a certain extent, family. There’s a scene in Tales of Fandom where he tells Mithos he’s ok with Lloyd living out his days as a monster and it doesn’t matter as long as he’s alive so pretty please spare his life. Disgusting. The foundations of his actions are all about how to make himself feel better, and acting on that selfishness often times makes things worse.

TLDR; Kratos sucks. Lloyd understands Kratos better than Kratos does.

[broadswordandpistol]

Cheating at Solitary

@mithosofcruxis​ @lightning-of-kharlan​ Yggdrasill swept out of the room, but took none of Alvin’s tension with him.

Yuan.

Alvin still didn’t know how well Welgaia was bugged, whether mechanically, magically, or just by spying angels through peepholes. His thoughts raced as he automatically put on his gloves. 

No matter what, Yuan had to stay safe. Alvin had experienced what Yggdrasill could do to a mere mortal. To a fellow seraph, it didn’t bear thinking about. His friend --

No. Today Yuan was not his friend. Today the person he was about to speak to was someone who looked a hell of a lot like him and shared the same name. Alvin would misdirect and lie his ass off to him with no regrets, to protect the man who properly owned that name, and Leticia, and the Renegades. He planted that thought firmly at the front of his mind. He smoothed out his shirt and dragged a hand through his hair. For an excruciating two minutes, nothing happened. The angels waited patiently at his side.

The door swung open. 

[crush3dmary]

Sair's Fic Recs 2023

Stuff that lives in my head rent free. I may try to update this list from time to time, but these are my All Time Faves (tm). This got long so under a cut. Mostly Tales of Symphonia/Crestoria/Yugioh with some others sprinkled in there.

Tales of Symphonia

Daystar by Windian T / 2.6k / oneshot / Genis/Mithos / character death I'm a sucker for Cruxis Genis AUs and this made my heart ache.

My Goddess by silver_fish T / 4.3k / oneshot / Kratos/Yuan/Martel / no warnings apply Musings on the Kharlan War: Taylor is one of my favourite authors and I'm proud to call them a friend now too, this was the first work of theirs I read and it hit in all the right ways.

Better Luck by QuillMage G / 3k / oneshot / gen, Zelos centric / no warnings apply A fascinating study of the parallels between the people Zelos has allied himself with.

Holy Mother by Phlyarologist T / 1k / oneshot / gen, Mylene centric / no warnings apply Study of Mylene before her death. I really really loved the characterization in this fic, such a fascinating look into Zelos' life and family pre canon.

Guardian by VSSAKJ T / 10k / oneshot / gen, Kratos & Zelos / no warnings apply Lol I'm blocked by this author on twitter but the fic still slaps. A "what if" about the sort of father-son relationship Kratos and Zelos could have had pre canon.

Journey of Forlorn Hope by toniwilder T / 52k / incomplete / gen, Zelos centric / violence, suicide If you liked the "Zelos as chosen of regeneration" bit from Weltschmerz you'll love this. Frankly I think it knocks my fic out of the water, but unfortunately it was never finished. It's still an interesting take on the concept that differs from how I pulled it off.

Lights Out by theexistentiallyqueer G / 400 words / oneshot / gen, Zelos centric / character death Musings on Zelos' "bad end". Absolutely gorgeous.

Paradise by caseyvalhalla M / 3.5k / oneshot / Zelos/Lloyd / mild sexual content Lloyd and Zelos in Flanoir. Well known by now, but one of my favourite zelloyd fics out there.

Between Day and Night (an Everlasting Twilight) by SuikaShoujo T / 8k / incomplete / gen, Zelos centric / no warnings apply My wife's fic! A take on what Zelos' life may have been like in the years between "you should never have been born" and the start of the game. Everyone read it and go bug her to update.

Kratos dies on Derris Kharlan. by jonphaedrus T / 1.3k / oneshot / gen, Kratos centric / character death I'll be the first to admit that Kratos isn't my bias but holy shit, after reading this fic I get it. There's something so wonderfully tragic about his arc and I love that in this time loop fic, every loop ends the same.

Dead Man Walking by SuikaShoujo T / 3.5k / oneshot / onesided Zelos/Lloyd / suicidal ideation This was written for me right before me and my wife started dating, but it's still to this day my favourite of her stuff. I love onesided zelloyd just as much as requited zelloyd, and to this day I still go back and reread this fic, it impacted me that much.

The Broken ones by KujaTribal M / 202k / complete / Zelos/Raine / sexual content, violence I don't remember the last time I was as unable to put down a fic as I was when I was reading this one. An absolutely INSANE (affectionate) epic surrounding Raine and Zelos unleashing a new enemy. Made me see Raine in a completely new light.

Tales of Crestoria

You had it coming by Darkhymns M / 6.8k / oneshot / Vicious/Aegis, onesided Aegis/Rebecca / no warnings apply I'm in a mutual block with this author for unrelated reasons, but this is still one of my favourite fics of all time, like hands down. It was such a beautiful exploration of Aegis' grief and guilt, which is something I wish fic authors would play around with more. One of the only fics to ever make me cry.

Don't Leave by RisuAlto M / 300 words / oneshot / Vicious/Aegis / no warnings apply Some musings on a Viae FWB relationship. Risu if you're out there I miss u but no seriously, I still wonder how you were able to pack such a punch with just a few sentences.

iced tea imported from england by r0wlets T / 1.8k / oneshot / gen, twins centric / no warnings apply Honest to god another one of my favourite fics of all time because funny enough, when I was reading it I laughed so hard iced tea came out my nose (it was, however, not imported from England, just the same old Canadian stuff we get at the grocery store). Parody/crack fic about the twins.

Sinister Desires by bibliophileemily M / 800 words / oneshot / gen, Aegis centric / some violence and sexual content Another study of Aegis that I can reread over and over again. It surprised me to hear Emily wasn't too big on Aegis before she started reading my stuff, because I read this piece she did and thought "you GET it, you GET him". Great little ficlet about Aegis' repression and desires.

The Two-Faced Breeze by SystematicAphrodite M / 90k / ongoing / Aegis/OC / violence Yall ever give something you're a little averse to a chance and end up just totally loving it? Yeah, that was me with this fic. I started reading it in its early days and offered some crit, and SA (who is a good friend of mine) took it and ran with it and turned this story into something excellent. A totally interesting and wild take on Crestoria's lore with a very fun OC. If all fics were as creative as this one I'd never get bored.

Other Tales

The Most Honest Truth by Gargant (Tales of Xillia 2) T / 50k / complete / Julius/Rideaux / no warnings apply Canon divergence AU where Julius looks for a way to save Elle. I won't give away too much, but the journey is just as important as the destination here, I've reread this fic so many times.

Closure by secretagentfan (Tales of Xillia 2) E / 9.6k / oneshot / Victor/Jude, Ludger/Jude / noncon, sexual content I only bookmark porn if there's plot and HOO BOY did this one ever hit. It almost felt more like a character study than it did porn, which I think is why it resonated with me so much haha. Takes place during the fractured dimension where you go to Victor's house.

Volunteer by vandesdelca (Tales of the Abyss) M / 1.8k / oneshot / gen, Van centric / no warnings apply I'm rusty on abyss but Elivan's stuff just gets me every fucking time man. The Van studies and the exploration of why he is the way he is... gut punch after gut punch, and the fact that I got destroyed in less than 2k words!? Impressive. This one in particular I really, really recommend.

Blame by vandesdelca (Tales of the Abyss) T / 300 words / oneshot / gen / no warnings apply Same author as above, this is one of the fics that got me hooked on second person as a style of writing. Amazing prose, and you know how I feel about prose.

Out of Oblivion by silver_fish (Tales of Arise) M / 19k / oneshot / Alphen/Shionne / suicide and violence And again Taylor never fucking misses. A study of Shionne and her relationship with suicide- so much of this resonated with me and my experiences as someone with BPD, I swear I've read this like at least 5 times since it got posted. It's a heavy read, but so worth it.

Achillea by DisappearingMuse (Tales of Berseria) G / 396 words / oneshot / gen / no warnings apply I'll be the first to admit I'm rusty on berseria knowledge but the PROSE in this, damn. I had no idea my heart could break in less than 400 words.

ripe and wicked plums by pixiecircle (Tales of Berseria) E / 13.8k / complete / Velvet/Magilou / sexual content, character death AGAIN, I wasn't much of a magivel shipper (though my Berseria knowledge is a little stifled these days) but this fic absolutely blindsided me. Warning for porn, but the way the author develops their relationship through their series of trysts is just beautiful. The perfect amount of heart wrenching angst to satisfy me.

Yugioh

Scar Tissue by Cliscia E / 91k / unfinished / deathshipping / **warning for everything you can possibly think of I am not fucking around** Bad End AU where Ryou obtains all the Millennium Items and makes the entire world his plaything, particularly Yami Marik. This is my favourite fanfic of all time, NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART, and unfortunately was never finished. Still, it tore my heart out and made me feel things I didn't think fiction could make me feel.

Can't Take It With You by parsonsaj T / 212k / complete / some tendershipping at the end, mostly gen / violence A character study of Ryou Bakura from the beginning to the end of the series. Okay so. This is another fic I absolutely zoomed my way through, all 200k+ of it, because I was just so hooked. I love the author's interpretation of Ryou and the canon divergences were so good. This fic actually inspired something I've got planned at the moment (for symphonia, sorry ygo fans) and I just know I'll be rereading the hell out of it.

Dusk by Ariasune T / 7k / oneshot / thiefshipping / violence Anyone who knows me knows I'm a suck for those "in between" moments we don't see in canon and this fic just satisfies all those urges with thiefshipping for me. And the prose!! Oh my god the prose. I love it.

but what remians by orphan_account T / 823 words / oneshot / gen, Ryou centric / no warnings apply Another second-person fic that really just hits. Wish I could have seen who the original author was and leave them a proper comment, but this little piece is such an interesting dive into Ryou's mindset re: being the host to a malignant spirit.

Rien by RandomDraconic T / 6.9k / oneshot / gen, implied tendershipping, Ryou centric / no warnings apply A beautiful exploration of Ryou's grief with losing Bakura and all the complicated feelings that come along with that. After I read this fic I thought about it nonstop for like 3 days but forgot to bookmark it and spent forever trying to track it down again. It's another one that Just Hits, Man.

Every Loop, It Feels So Real (The Puzzle Pieces All Conspire) by SheIsHoldingACat T / 3.2k / oneshot / gen, Kaiba centric / violence, character death This is another fic I think about over and over again, as you can see by now I'm a real suck for anything with time loops and Charles is an excellent writer who pulls it off beautifully. This one is an exploration of Kaiba's mind crush coma where the only way out is to heal his inner child. Yeah, it's just as good as it sounds!

AN UNWHOLE HALF // IMBALANCE by SheIsHoldingACat T / 11k / ongoing / tendershipping, puzzleshipping / violence I couldn't help myself from putting another Charles fic on here, even if this one isn't finished yet. His writing style just vibes with me so much, and he does my boy Ryou so much justice. One of my favourite interpretations of Ryou here (along with Scar Tissue).

To the Heart by girahimu_sama M / 128k / complete / thiefshipping / no warnings apply I just finished this one recently and it absolutely blew my mind. A canon divergence AU where Marik and Bakura form their partnership before Battle City, culminating in a redemption arc for the Thief King. Can't recommend this one enough.

Other

caught up in circles by sloppybxtch (IT movies) T / 15.3k / oneshot / Eddie/Richie / no warnings apply My sister went through a Reddie phase and I am adamant about the fact that I'll read anything, so they sent me a couple Reddie fics and this one really stuck with me. Time loop with a happy ending, and the fic that showed me how effective it can be to play around with formatting (which is now a staple in my works).

Aeromancy by Measured (Fire Emblem: Tellius) T / 16k / oneshot / Ike/Soren / violence Canon divergence AU where Soren is royalty. I'll admit I need to revisit this one, but I remember it having just the perfect gut punch after gut punch and really loving the writing style.

Mistakes by Antartique (Fire Emblem: 3H) M / 5.5k / oneshot / gen, Sylvain centric / referenced sexual content and abuse Another one that made me go "ah, I get it now". I was neutral about Sylvain until I read this character study.

Through the Night by ageha_nacht (Dr. Stone) T / 999 words / oneshot / Senkuu/Tsukasa / no warnings apply Okay so, once again I don't go here but I'll read anything and my friend Ageha said it was her best work, I can definitely see why. Highly recommended if you're up for a short but emotionally devastating read.

[innerchorus]

Someone on Reddit mentioned how they think Kharlan's head could be in one of the jars, and when I say I haven't stopped thinking about it since... because imagine if Zandeh sees that. Imagine if we get an undead Kharlan. If it prompts some Hilmes guilt I'm all for it but I really don't want my sweet puppy boy to see that!

Anyway, let's talk head jars. If you remember back when I first had the horrible realisation that the two jars whose contents we can see into contained the heads of Shapur and Vahriz, you may remember that my working theory was that the six jars contain the heads of the Marzbans and Eran who died or went missing during/shortly after the Battle of Atropatene. But Kharlan's head could certainly have been gathered by Team Zahhak at a later date (the sorcerer labelled as Ghundi was watching from a tree when Kharlan died).

It also crossed my mind recently that maybe not all the jars are full yet. Perhaps they'll take Andragoras's soon. Maybe that's why a mage is appearing in front of Isfan and Kubard right now.

My hope is that I can get a firmer grasp on Team Zahhak's magical abilities before the series ends. As we get closer and closer to the conclusion, it seems like we'll be seeing more of them as they get more directly involved with the plot. I will extrapolate whatever I can from the manga because the novels really didn't go into it much. I'm currently wondering whether they need the dead body of a person in order to take their form. Previously, I wondered whether they can mimic someone who is alive and just need to touch them to acquire their form (we see Ghundi, the one who impersonates Husrab, locating Husrab as Ecbatana falls, but it's worth noting that he also knows of Husrab's fate... did he collect Husrab's head at that time?).

I'm not convinced that what we're seeing with Shapur is a simple impersonation rather than something more sinister (undead/came-back-wrong Shapur puppeted by sorcery) but who knows. Maybe this is the beginning of the tranformation and Arakawa's drawn it like this to make clear that it's the result of sorcery. The upcoming chapter should make that clear.

[kitkatt0430]

Rewatching SG-1 has reminded me of a Tales of Symphonia xOver idea I had that I'd still like to write.

It'd ignore the Tales of Symphonia sequel, so no Dawn of the New World stuff going on here. Instead, a few years post Tales of Symphonia and the reunification of the two world of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla into the single world of Aselia, an archeological dig in Tethe'alla discovers an outpost in the mountains that predates the Kharlan War and the civilizations involved by thousands of years.

It's not ancient Elven technology from their migration to the world from space either and likely predates even that long ago event - and the Elves are related to the Nox, though whether that comes up or not... at least it's world building, right? I considered the Ancients... but I like the Nox better for this. Anywho, the current Elves are an offshoot of the Nox who've lost their history and had somewhat divergent evolution from being on a completely different planet from the other Nox for so long.

It's Ancient technology, but with the Elves having forgotten their history they can't identify it anymore than the human and half-elven historians or archaeologists can. They've even consulted the Summon Spirits, but if they know then they aren't telling. And they do seem to know something.

Seles is fascinated. She's gotten interested in archaeology - Zelos blames Raine, who of course wouldn't see why being interested in old stuff would be so boring to him. But Zelos is trying to be supportive so he's shown up at the dig site.

There's a giant stone circle inside and that Zelos does find interesting. Its made up of a foreign material similar to exspheres, but it's clearly refined the same way exspheres were. While it's still somehow being powered - though they've yet to successfully activate it - it's clear the power source is external and stored in capacitors, not imbued with the power of a human life sacrificed to it's production.

That's when an offworld activation occurs and a Goa'uld and his army shows up. Zelos manages to hide Seles, but then he and two others are 'selected' similar to how Sha're and Skara are in the episode Children of the Gods.

On another world now, Zelos manages to befriend one of the Jaffa guards. Not enough to be snuck out, but enough that Zelos is pretty sure he's not going to get killed by this guy when things inevitably get worse. A selection is going on and, as Mekel explains, the Goa'uld - gods, but not really and isn't that a familiar situation for Zelos to be in? - are selecting new hosts. They're parasites. And that's when Zelos realizes he's in more trouble than he realized.

And so is Mekel and anyone else if Zelos gets 'Chosen'. The Chappa'ai (Stargate) is made of the similar-to-exspheres element. And so is the tech the Jaffa use - and thus the Goa'uld use. And, according to Mekel, the Goa'uld and Jaffa have that element - naquadah - in their blood stream. It's similar enough to exspheres that just being surrounded by so much of it makes Zelos able to feel his now-dormant powers again (dormant ever since he stopped using his angelus crystal) but not enough to actually use those powers.

He's pretty sure if he gets possessed? Those powers will be back and in the control of a wannabe god. Not good.

Mekel is not thrilled to learn this either. He may believe the Goa'uld are false gods, but they're still ridiculously powerful. Giving even one of them more power??? Could only be a bad thing. He's not sure he believes this isn't a ploy on Zelos' part to try and get away safely, but he does like Zelos now so... he decides to help Zelos escape. In doing so they discover a Tok'ra prisoner and after a short explanation about the Tok'ra vs Goa'uld divide, they decide to take him along.

The three of them jump a few planets and Zelos laments that he doesn't know his own world's address to go home. They'd be safe there. Though he's also hoping that they've somehow disabled the gate to prevent further incursions, though he knows Lloyd will be beyond pissed if the King chooses to abandon Zelos and the others to their fate that way.

They realize they didn't get away clean when an Ashrak injures the Tok'ra - Jeren and... I admit I don't have a name for his host in mind yet. They're too badly injured. Jeren could survive in a new host, but it's too late for his current one. Mekel refuses to become a Tok'ra host. If there were a way for him to be free of his symbiote without dying, he'd take it in a heartbeat... except for this. Which Jeren assures Mekel that he understands.

Zelos volunteers. He's come to trust Jeren and he knows the information Jeren seeks to take to the Tok'ra is important. It's just temporary, after all. Until a new host can be found, anyway.

As Zelos suspected, being bonded with Jeren revives his old exsphere/angelus crystal granted powers. He can't bring out his wings, but he's able to call on Judgement and some of his other high-level spells. And when the Ashrak strikes again, the three of them are able to kill the Goa'uld assassin this time.

But even with Zelos' healing powers restored, he never had Raine's gift for Resurrection and so Jeren's previous host is too far gone even for Zelos to heal even now. At least with the Ashrak dead, the man is avenged and they're able to safely seek out the current Tok'ra safe house by contacting another Tok'ra spy who knows where to send them.

The Tok'ra are fascinated by Zelos' powers but also relieved its not something they can replicate. Because if they can't, the Goa'uld can't either. And unfortunately the Tok'ra don't have a way to send Zelos home yet because they don't have the address to his world either.

When a new guy volunteers to become Jeren's host, Zelos decides he likes the partnership and stays Jeren's host after all. Mekel offers his services to the Tok'ra specifically to protect Zelos and Jeren. If the Goa'uld became aware of Zelos' powers, they'd seek to capture him and remove Jeren in order to take his body for themselves.

A few years later, Egeria is discovered and Zelos is brought in to try and use his unusual powers to heal her. He's met SG-1 once or twice before and Mekel and Teal'c have a mutual respect for each other going on. Zelos does manage to heal Egeria enough to stabilize her for travel, but she needs the care of her people going forward - she needs a host. But doing so meant revealing his abilities to SG-1.

Egeria fixes the flaws in Tretonin and Mekel jumps at the chance to try it. And after talking things over with SG-1, Zelos and Jeren tell Mekel they want to request they be assigned as a sort of permanent liaison to the SGC. Mekel likes this idea so they go through with it. Jacob and Selmak think it'll be a great fit.

Admittedly my ideas for this verse skip around a bit. Zelos, Jeren, and Mekel verses an Ori Prior would be very interesting to see happen. At some point they'd make contact with Aselia and Zelos is able to see his sister and friends again. Also... Lloyd and Colette kicking Ori ass with their angel powers, as some of the few still utilizing angelus crystals, would be a great deal of fun.

[darkhymns-fic]

Being an angel is pretty inconvenient, huh? (Ch. 5)

Lloyd meets with the Great Tree's caretaker, Yuan, in the hopes of understanding his new wings, and where next to go from here. Still, he's felt so uneasy about what he should do... [A Lloyd wingfic]

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving, Yuan Ka Fai, Kratos Aurion Rating: T Word Count: 5702 Mirror: AO3 Notes: For Colloyd Week 2023, Day 5: AU / Crossover. Yep, I’m determined to finish this, even if late! 

---

Lloyd had been remembering Kratos much more lately.

There was a memory he always went back to now; it was just before sending Kratos off to Derris-Kharlan, before he set off on his own journey with Colette, but just after the burn of his wings first being used. Even back then, his back had ached and stung. He wouldn’t summon them again, not yet.

Many of the angels waited among the wreckage that was once the Tower of Salvation. Mithos’ defeat could be felt, even among lifeless beings. It was then that some experienced the first emotion they had in centuries—panic, fear, a loss of direction. Such angels had gone to find an escape, using the still-working transporters to land on solid earth. But once on the ground, many either hovered among the debris, or cowered near broken pillars. They had no more orders, no more higher goal to attain to now that the head of their once sought-after dream had been cut off.

Yet, what stayed in Lloyd’s mind the most as he arrived there, as he watched Kratos go to the angels to assess their health, were their wings. How some stretched far, beating in the air, but going nowhere at all. How others lost most of their feathers to gather at their feet, leaving bare things that could hardly lift a body off the ground. Some were of blinding white, others of black that matched the night skies. Some were even bent crooked, damaged in battle—maybe from his very own swords.

Kratos knelt in front of one angel who hugged her knees tightly. She leaned against a crumbling wall, unmindful to the sharp stones that circled around her. One of her wings drooped towards the ground, barely able to move, curved a little unnaturally, while the other was folded by her side. Swords laid on the ground, forgotten, their blades nicked. Black feathers gathered at her feet like charred leaves.

Lloyd looked again at her wings, wincing at what must have been terrible pain…except the angels felt none, didn’t they? Robbed of all their senses, including touch, maybe she didn’t even notice it.

“Should we get help? Like from the Professor?” Lloyd didn’t step much closer, watching as Kratos tried to converse with the angel. At the very least, none of them tried to attack anymore. But like the angel before them, no one else would speak, or move, or do anything at all. Some simply waited.

She didn’t respond to Kratos who also gazed at the broken wing. “We have methods for treating this type of injury.” He sighed, got back to his feet. “On Derris-Kharlan, I’ll get her to that specific station.”

And then, a voice uttered out, “No.”

Lloyd wouldn’t forget the way she said it. It was different from before. He knew now that he had in fact fought this particular angel—how she had lunged for him, with barely a flicker in her eyes. How her twin swords clashed with his, the metal ringing in his ears. He had pushed back, parried away a second strike from her, the edge of his blade ripping across feathers.

She now raised her head, looking at them both. Her wing lay like a scattered thing, the white of bone just barely jutting out from what was left of her feathers. The hands around her knees then clenched into fists.

“I want these wings gone.”

Never had Lloyd heard an angel have such disgust in their voice.

Even Kratos was surprised, momentarily taken aback before he spoke. “It would be a lengthy and difficult process. To do so, you can no longer wear your Hi-Exsphere, as it would disrupt the mana flow. You will be exposed to the pain.”

“I know.” The angel only continued to glare. The wind shifted her black dress, which had also been torn at the hem. “I want them gone. If we are to live without Lord Yggdrasill and his dream, then I do not want the wings that I had gained while in service to him.”

But it was more than that, Lloyd suspected. Perhaps, without Mithos’ hold on her, with the reality of the situation, she wanted something else.

She wanted to be normal.

Afterwards, Kratos had explained to him, as much as Kratos could ever explain anything. That is, with soft allusions, vague assertions, and with very little detail. But what Lloyd could grasp made his shoulder blades ache, made him remember the very sting of his own wings.

“In Welgaia, we have machines to help with this process, usually to repair wings. Most of these wings are damaged during flight. And even though they are still made of pure mana, they act as if they are made of flesh and blood.” Kratos shook his head. “It makes it much more complicated.”

And Lloyd had to ask then.

“Is that going to happen to you someday?” The worry couldn’t leave his voice, a worry for a father he had just begun to know. Then, a new fear grabbed hold. “And what about Colette? Could her wings…?”

Kratos shook his head. “I’m not saying it’s an impossibility, but Colette has only been using her wings for the better part of a year. These angels here have used them for centuries. It is simply not equivalent. I believe Colette will be fine, even if she uses her wings until old age. As for me…” He moved to gaze at the stone embedded over his right hand. “I no longer plan to use this. There will be no need, and no threat to myself. I shouldn’t experience any abnormality.”

“Wow, actually being careful for yourself for once?” Lloyd had joked, feeling the worries fall off his shoulders. He felt empathy for the angels, but for those he cared for, they would be okay…

At that, Kratos gave a smile—a rare one. “You’ve taught me that lesson, Lloyd.”

It was easy to forget it then. Lloyd had a habit of letting his worries slide away when it was no longer such an issue. He was still sad Kratos would go, but he would go safely.

But then, once he got his new wings, that was when the dreams started.

--

.

.

.

“Lloyd? Are you listening?”

Yuan’s voice pulled him away so suddenly.

Lloyd shook his head, blinked, then looked ahead. The sunlight diffused around them through the windows, making everything seem blurry for a moment. His wings shifted behind him as he sat on the wooden chair, almost like the slow creaking of trees, all while his hands gripped a lukewarm tin cup that sat on a table.

“Uh,” he blurted out. “What was the question?”

Lloyd couldn’t recall ever seeing Yuan smile, and he certainly wasn’t about to start now. Once Lloyd could see clearly, he thought Yuan’s deep frown would be enough to make an indent right on his face. He kept that frown up even as he sipped at his coffee.

“I try to give you my expertise on your situation, and you don’t even bother to listen?”

“I mean, you were talking for a really long time… And you kept saying things like ‘chronic mana emittance’ and ‘transmogri-whatever’ and you wouldn’t just explain what those even meant! So, fine, I tuned out a bit.”

It almost felt like he was being lectured in class again. Except he wasn’t allowed to ask questions, which was somehow worse!

“Well, I apologize that we have a lot of ground to cover.” Yuan sighed. “Especially with my current schedule.”

Yuan’s home was small, composed of a single room where it held a kitchen on one side, and the bed on the other. Fashioned from oak, it was plain in its design, almost utilitarian. The necessities for food and rest were apparent, but not much else for luxury. The bed was simple, with a small nightstand to hold a book or two. The kitchen counter and wood stove were also exceedingly bare except for some kitchenware, a few teacups, and a bowl of fruit. However, there was also a metal rack above to hold iron pots and pans, which happened to be just near the kitchen/dining table and seemed a bit low to Lloyd who felt very close to hitting it with one of his wings.

There was a fireplace though, which looked like it had never been used, but it was there. Still, it was different from Yuan’s once-fancy office, Lloyd noted. No grand, indecipherable painting decorated the walls this time.

This was definitely not a house meant for guests, which Lloyd supposed made sense. The place where the Great Tree was hidden would not have any normal passerby stumble upon it. As a caretaker of the tree, Yuan made sure of that.

Sighing tiredly, Yuan took another sip of the tea, then set the cup on a coaster. He no longer wore the cape and armor when he had been leader of the Renegades—only a simple black vest, its hem extending down to his knees, and white trousers. If anything, he looked more like a normal person living in a cabin instead of the head of a once-active faction.

Yuan folded his hands on the table with a hard look on his face. Lloyd had to restrain a groan. Was he actually about to be lectured at now?

“This is something you’ll need to take seriously, as the most extreme case has already happened to you.” Yuan didn’t need to specify. “Otherwise, I’d wonder why you even bothered to show up at my door in the first place.”

Lloyd felt irritated then, gritting his teeth and facing the man as if it were their first meeting all over again. “I am being serious! But it doesn’t help when you just breeze past through everything and talk at me like I’m just some wall. I’m not like one of the Renegades that will just listen to whatever you say and say yes, or just understand things no problem like Bo—”

He stopped himself before he said it. Still, it was too late. He saw Yuan freeze, even if it was the most miniscule thing.

Gah, I’m an idiot.

Maybe it was the constant weight on his back. Despite flying with them several times, they still felt strange—made him feel strange.

…And they didn’t fold very well over the back of the chair. It was awkward! He didn’t want to think back to when he struggled through the door either.

Yuan still said nothing for a while. Lloyd expected to be asked to leave, but instead, there followed another sigh, a tapping of fingers against the table before the man spoke. “I suppose I was a bit technical in my explanations. I’ll simplify it then. We can try again.”

Should Lloyd feel relieved? He had no idea, and just continued holding the coffee cup. He didn’t feel very thirsty.

“Now, about the word, transmogrify… What you’re going through is called wings transmogrification. When it first happened… I can’t even say when it did. It was so long ago, and all those incidents tend to blend together after a while.”

That was one of the least reassuring things Lloyd had ever heard, but he didn’t interrupt.

“So, the wings solidifying is actually very common,” Yuan continued to explain. “Nearly every angel in Welgaia had succumbed to it, usually long after they had already lost their will to their Exspheres. Although…the only one I can remember making a big complaint about it was Remiel. He was always a bit of an anomaly, keeping his sense of self longer than most. Could never truly figure out why.”

The mention of Remiel made Lloyd stiffen. “So…he really did have different wings before? Wait, don’t tell me you’re comparing me to Remiel?”

“I am just saying he was a bit of an anomaly. Considering you are one yourself, along with your Exsphere.”

Never mind. This was the least reassuring thing Lloyd had ever heard.

“Anyway, let’s continue. But first…” Yuan lifted his cup. “I will need more coffee. Come with me and I’ll fill your cup, too.”

Lloyd stayed seated in his chair, or as much as he could with his wings threatening to tip him over. “I didn’t even start drinking mine yet,” he said.

“Exactly,” Yuan replied, already standing up and heading for the kitchen counter. “It’s probably cold. Now come on.”

He kept gesturing for Lloyd to follow, for some reason. Why did he have to? He could just stay seated, especially with how hard it was for him to move his wings in small spaces like this—

Oh, this was payback for what he said before, wasn’t it?

Lloyd felt like the most awkward thing on the planet right now as he stood up, his wings instantly hitting everything they came across, even if just slightly. It’s what happened back at Sheena’s place, knocking aside wall scrolls and other knick knacks everywhere. Yuan didn’t nearly have as many decorations, but he did have that pot rack above. So, when one of Lloyd’s wings sprung up at just the right angle to make the cooking ware bang against one another in loud succession, the boy winced.

Yuan didn’t even bat an eye, already pouring the coffee grounds in a grinding device. But, did he catch a smirk?

Next time, Lloyd needed to not let his big mouth run. He sheepishly walked over to Yuan, trying not to smack down even more pots or any chairs along the way. He mostly succeeded, though a few feathers fell off here and there.

“Now, where was I?” Yuan said as he prepared the coffee. “Ah, about how the wings transform… It’s a result of constantly using it, even when it was not necessary. Many were careful at first, but once someone becomes a lifeless being, it’s no longer a priority for them. The wings transforming doesn’t endanger their lives, so they never willed them away. The new wings are still of mana, but constantly emitting, otherwise known as chronic mana emittance.”

“So…I’m doing that now?” Lloyd asked with some clear confusion.

“Yes. You’ve basically lost the ability to desummon them. We all have mana, but yours is emitting outside of your body at all times in a physical shape.” The coffee scent was strong now as Yuan got both cups ready, ignoring that Lloyd’s was still full and simply just emptying it in a nearby sink.

“I would say having such a thing happen to you would have been impossible, considering how little you’ve used your wings in comparison. But then there’s the matter of your Exsphere… It hadn’t had any of those negative effects on you that our own has, and yet the wings occurred still. So, it must still be evolving.”

Lloyd got slightly frustrated, apparent in his wings which rustled from his clear agitation. “Why would it evolve or whatever to let me have these things? These don’t even help me at all!” As he shouted, his wings reacted even more, fluffing up slightly and looking bigger than they appeared.

This resulted in hitting another of the hanging pots, knocking it askew so that it fell to the floor with a clang. Lloyd flinched. “Sorry.”

Yuan still barely reacted to it—though maybe there was a twitch just above his left eyebrow, and no smirk. Instead, he handed a newly-steaming cup of coffee to Lloyd while taking a sip of his own. “It could even have to do with you being a human. Most who succumbed to this much later in their lives were half-elves. And humans, or most humans, notoriously cannot control their mana. I’m assuming you can’t suddenly control magic either. Perhaps having that ability might have given you an advantage, perhaps not.”

Lloyd went quiet, even as he quietly fumed. “Kratos can.” he said. “And Zelos.”

“Because of the aionis. Believe me when I say you would rather not go through with it. From what Kratos tells me, it’s like consuming fire.”

Lloyd didn’t know what else to say to that. He finally took a long sip of the coffee, its heat not nearly scalding enough.

“Tell me something,” Yuan continued. “When you first flew on that day for the Great Seed, something must have happened then.” A pause. “And I think you know what that would be.”

Lloyd turned the cup in his hands, rubbing a thumb against the handle. He didn’t answer. His wings behind him shifted, curling in a bit around him.

“I thought so. Hiding things doesn’t help the situation, you understand.”

“I’m not hiding anything,” Lloyd said with a sigh. “I’m just not sure. I always felt that he finally helped me, in the end.”

Yuan took another sip, then placed the tin cup back on the counter. “Perhaps Mithos did finally have a change of heart—as much of a heart as he could have after being absorbed from an Exsphere. Is it through him that your wings changed? Or was this an inevitability of your special Exsphere, regardless of Mithos’ influence? We might never know then.”

Lloyd was going to have a headache. “So, I’m just back at square one with this,” he said, taking another sip. Not as hot now, but having it warm helped ease the pounding in his head slightly.

“On the reason for your sudden transformation, maybe. But there is still a solution. You want to remove your wings, correct?”

It should have been an easy answer. That was why he’d come here in the first place, and why he went to visit all his friends and gain their support. It was to finally…

He thought back to that one angel, who wanted her wings gone. No hesitation, no doubt. Just a yearning for her wings to disappear.

Lloyd couldn’t help for his wings curve inward, trying to not hit any more things. Not like Yuan seemed to care, looking at the dropped pot on the floor with barely a glance. But, why did Lloyd not leap at the chance now? Why couldn’t he just say yes?

“It’s normal to be frightened about the process.” Yuan’s voice floated to him, unusually gentle in its tone now. “Is that why?”

“Maybe,” Lloyd said, but that was all.

He wasn’t really helping in any of this, but he didn’t know. He still didn’t know. And after all Colette had done for him, too.

Footsteps echoed across the floorboards. “We’ll have to continue this conversation another time, I’m afraid. I still have a schedule to keep, remember?”

It took a moment before Lloyd realized what Yuan meant. “Oh, I almost forgot. Should I wait here, or…?”

Yuan looked over his shoulder at Lloyd with an expression as if he had grown an extra head along with his wings. “As the pactmaker, you’d have more right to see it than even me. Also, I’d prefer it if you’d come, as I’d feel much better to not have your wings threaten my home while I’m away. I worry you’re going to shatter what little furniture I have.”

“…So you were just messing with me! Not like I was trying to hit things on purpose! I was just fine with sitting down!”

Lloyd’s shout wasn’t very loud, but animated, nonetheless. And such a thing affected his wings, which his right one had fanned out to hit the very peculiar-looking coffee machine Yuan had been using. It fell to the floor in a heap, something within it clearly making a very loud cracking sound.

Lloyd froze. “Uh oh.”

Yuan placed a hand on his face. “Let’s go now. Please.”

--

The Great Tree was a very hopeful name.

In reality, said tree was still only a sapling, one that was dwarfed by other trees that had already sprouted and bloomed to full length.

“Watch your step,” Yuan said, perhaps more for the uneven ground than for the wings that still moved around Lloyd with some awkwardness. What had once been ruined ground, where fragments from the shattered tower had been scattered all around, was now covered in verdant green. Even the debris seemed to have been swallowed by the earth, covering what were now ancient relics for change.

Lloyd looked at the sapling and was instantly reminded of the small trees that Dirk had started cultivating in his backyard as a pastime. Thin branches sprouted full leaves, and it stood on top of a small ridge, where it was framed by a running stream and hanging ivy, perhaps guided by Martel to help nourish the tree.

He also noticed something else. Had the tree grown a few inches since the last time he visited? It seemed like it, especially when he saw its height compared to…

“Ah, Colette,” Yuan called out casually. “You didn’t have to watch it the entire time.”

She stood before the sapling, only turning at the call of her name. The running water caught the sunlight, making some of the tree’s leaves shine. The sunlight also reflected off Colette’s crystal, but not blinding. Lloyd found himself going to her quickly, drawn in towards the gentle light.

“I didn’t mind,” she said, smiling more once she saw Lloyd. “Martel’s gone ahead if you’d like to see her.”

At that, Yuan only gave a small nod before turning his gaze back to Lloyd. “I shouldn’t be too long if you’d still like to discuss things afterwards.”

Lloyd had no concrete answer to that, but still, he could only agree. What else could he say? “Um, yeah. That’s fine.”

Maybe Yuan saw that hesitance, but also saw there was no point in acknowledging it. He walked away, giving one last gaze for the tree that now came up to his shoulder.

And once again, Lloyd also looked to the tree that he named. Its leaves were brighter than before, its branches just a bit more numerous. The makeshift stream around it was a clear blue, reflecting the sky. It was quiet here, and the wind gentle as it shifted those same leaves, as it created ripples across the water’s surface.

He felt Colette reach for his hand, her fingers slipping around his so naturally, fitting them together like a puzzle piece. “It’s really beautiful.”

Was she seeing the tree as what it could be, too? A great thing that had filtered the sun through its boughs, that towered over them so well, not to make them feel small, but as if they were being protected?

Another thought had to nag at him, pulling him away from that image. “Hey… where’s Blippy?”

“Oh, he’s with Martel,” Colette answered casually, as if it was every day the spirit of the Great Tree liked to do some pet sitting. “She really likes him.”

“Huh…” The idea made him grin a bit, squeezing Colette’s hand. “I feel like everyone we met up with wants to keep Blippy to themselves.”

“Maybe that’s why Yuan left, too.” Colette helpfully added. “After all, he didn’t get to pet him yet.”

“Oh, no wonder he wanted to leave so fast then! He could have just said so.”

“Well, we can make sure to visit often so he can see Blippy then!” Colette laughed happily, squeezing his hand back. “And everyone else too.”

As she laughed, so did Lloyd, the warmth of her hand making him feel elated. When it came to animals, no one was happier than Colette, to the point that it was so infectious. It even made his wings feel lighter, his left wing circling around her so that his feathers pressed against her shoulder.

And when that happened, he saw Colette’s eyes direct towards it. He was too quick to understand her expression then, for he pulled his wing back, feathers rustling as he did so. “Sorry, these things act on their own sometimes…”

His wings shook, just slightly, before he tried to make them stop. He wasn’t sure why the embarrassment was so strong.

“Let’s sit for a bit,” Colette said to him, before her hands gently pulled him down to the grass. The tone of her voice remained the same, as if they were still talking about the kitten. Yet, why were his wings still shaking? Why was he nervous all the time? Or so worried about what will be seen?

Why didn’t he just feel like himself anymore?

Even so, her hands guided him. He sat with her, knees touching, feeling her fingers lie within his palm. “I’m okay,” he said, half-believing it.

Her thumb rubbed against his skin. “What did Yuan say?” she asked him.

Lloyd gave a short laugh. “Too much…”

“Hey, I have time to listen.”

Even with that permission, it was hard for Lloyd to navigate through it all. His wings drooped down, their span spreading across the grass, his feathers skewing or growing crooked from the position. But how else was he supposed to use them? It was easier to let them rest right on the forest floor, feeling his feathers warm up from the sun.

And it was easier to lay things out for her, of the angels who felt their transformation without any complaints, except for Remiel. He felt her stiffen at the mentioned name but said nothing. He tried not to dwell on how he was causing her pain by speaking, but she had asked him to talk, and she never told him to stop. She was always strong like that.

All while the sapling that was the Great Tree was in the corner of his vision, catching the sunlight against its leaves.

“It’s probably because of my Exsphere why this happened to me so fast, and maybe because I’m human too,” he finally said, feeling worn out by the end. “And there’s no easy way to get rid of them.”

His wings stayed low, even as the wind picked up, rustling a few loose feathers to be picked up by the wind. There was an instinctive urge in him to reach out and grab them, to hide them away. He only stopped because his hands were already holding Colette’s.

She was idly tracing patterns into his palm—not words this time. Maybe pictures, maybe following along lifelines hidden underneath his gloves. “But there is a way,” she said quietly.

Yes, he tried to answer, but the words wouldn’t leave. It stuck inside his throat like a stone.

Why did he shake at the very thought?

All he could think of was that angel huddled against a broken pillar, her wings twisted, demanding for them to be gone.

Lloyd heard Colette shift around him. He raised his head, watched as her hands left his own. But she only did so to gently touch his left wing that had been lying mostly flat against the ground. She did so carefully, raising it just a bit to have part of the wingspan settle against her lap. The sunlight, filtering through other trees that surrounded the glade, seemed to wash over her in a light, green shade.

“Is…something up?” Lloyd asked. He still felt self-conscious about these things, even after flying with them briefly. Because, after flying, what could he exactly do with them?

“Hm, a few feathers are loose again,” Colette commented, her eyes now transfixed on his wing.

“Maybe because I kinda hit them against some stuff,” he grumbled. “Yuan has these pots that hang from the ceiling and they’re too low! It even hurt a little.”

Colette was still examining, running one hand down the underside of his wing. It made him shiver, but not because of fear this time. It felt, well, somewhat nice.

“I think you’re molting again,” she then said.

And the embarrassment came back in full force.

“Seriously?! Again?! These were just molting a week ago!” Lloyd pressed an open palm against his face, wishing he could dig underground. “Ugh, no wonder they kept feeling gross…”

But Colette didn’t seem to share the same sentiment. Still, she stroked her feathers, a smile forming on her face. “It just needs a little grooming. Oh! I have an idea.”

Lloyd watched as Colette reached into a hidden pocket in her dress. Out came what looked like a hairbrush, one that Lloyd remembered she had bought from a shop back in Flanoir, which was for…

“Isn’t that Blippy’s hairbrush?”

Colette nodded. “Yeah. But just like his fur can get a little much, your feathers do too. I know it’s not the same, but since you can’t really groom yourself—”

Lloyd pressed two palms against his face now. “Colette… I don’t want to be a pet…”

“Aw, you’re not a pet, Lloyd!” But he couldn’t help his suspicions when Colette easily took his wing in her arms, brushing with a downward stroke. “I don’t mind doing this.”

“Yeah, but…” He had to protest this, right? Colette had already tended to his wings enough already when they had first appeared. It felt shameful and so embarrassing, to need this, to always have something happening with his wings that he couldn’t just control.

But when he felt her fingers once more, how she cradled the wing with ease, he had to admit he liked it. And she did so without any hesitance, brushing against the tips with even strokes.

He still had his face in his hands, but his breathing came out easier. His pulse within his ears no longer paced as frantically. He felt some of his feathers come off, but not in pain. He snuck a small glance to his side, finding those same feathers floating down, mingling with the fallen leaves.

“Lloyd, it’s okay to want to keep your wings.”

He remained still, watching the feathers continue to drift down.

“I don’t think you were trying to find a way to get rid of them,” she continued. The brush against his wings felt so light and soothing. “You were trying to find a way to live with them somehow. Is that it?”

Suddenly, Lloyd remembered their first kiss from before. He wanted it again.

But he couldn’t really move. His body remained still, hands leaving his face to drop into his lap, feeling Colette brush his wings more and more. The feathers fell off like leaves, but only a few, and only to grow once again.

“It’s inconvenient though,” Lloyd said, watching the feathers and Colette’s shadow falling over them. “Isn’t it?”

Colette halted her brushing, but just so she could gather some of the feathers in her hand that wouldn’t leave by bristle alone. Some were messy, especially for the down, while the tips would either be crooked, half-bent. But she gathered them in a pile near her, the wind already beginning to shift them.

“They don’t have to be,” she answered easily. “Are you worried about that?”

Lloyd still felt some shame, so he couldn’t look at her yet. He turned his head towards the tree, wondering when Martel would come back, and if she would be holding the little kitten in her arms.

“I had a lot of weird dreams ever since I got these,” he confessed, feeling the path of her fingers against the hard little barbs that were left for some parts of his wings. “Like…I always had them? Or something like that.”

Colette kept her pace, but he felt her move a bit closer. His wing extended just slightly into her hands.

“The angels we fought on Derris-Kharlan, it felt like… I was like them in my dreams. That my wings were physical with all these feathers, and they would break sometimes. And that I would fight with them, and they would get injured. I would act like I didn’t feel it, or care about it except…in the dreams, they did hurt.” He furrowed his brows, an unease coursing through his chest at the memory. “They would hurt, but I had to pretend they didn’t. I don’t really know why.”

He took another breath, the hazy memories revealing more as the feathers fell. “I had different clothes, and even just trying to put them on hurt. I had to always keep them out, and fly with them, even when I got tired. Sometimes they didn’t even look right, or just broken.” Another pause, as more and more details came to light. “And Kratos was there, and his wings were—”

Or was he confusing something else instead?

“Sorry. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.”

When Colette moved, he knew it wasn’t to turn away, or walk away from him. But still, he felt a small fear. All he had done, ever since his new wings came into being, was complain. Yet her hands cradled his right wing now, seated on the other side so she could continue her brushing once more.

“Getting your wings was very hard,” she said softly. “It makes sense that your dreams would have them go through such painful things. But, they don’t have to always just be pain.”

Lloyd still doubted, keeping his eyes on the sapling, but feeling so sleepy now with Colette’s constant brushing. “I don’t know. You saw them when they were…” The pain of them solidifying, the tendons around his muscles adjusting, the blood that he remembered dripping down his back…

“I did. But after that, they always looked beautiful in the light, don’t you think?”

He turned to her then. Something in her voice just now, so earnest, not blind to the pain but embracing that along with something else. She had her own wings out, their light falling over his wings and the feathers that gathered on the ground like piles of snow.

I love you, he thought, but didn’t say. Everything kept catching in his throat. All the important things, all the time.

“Maybe now would be a good time to go home.” Colette gathered the feathers in her hand, letting the wind take it, toward the direction of the sapling that had grown only so much—but still, it had grown. “If you want.”

Just like before, she was asking him what he wanted to do. With guidance, and with love.

For the first time in a while, Lloyd didn’t feel afraid.

[twohundredpower]

"This is it, right? Can you show me how it works?"

"I said hold it, Lloyd! How on earth did you even.. your father doesn't--"

"It's okay, Yuan. He didn't want me to know about this for my sake, right? But I already do, and I'm already here. If you're worried about him gettin' mad, then just let him be mad at me-- besides, I didn't find this out from you in the first place, so 's not like he's gonna hold you responsible."

"... tch. No matter how different your personalities may seem, it's clear as day who you get your stubbornness from."

Resigned by Lloyd's unwillingness to listen, Yuan reluctantly moved past the brunette, switching on the communication device before him. He shot the other a rather piercing glare, one that Lloyd had strangely missed over the last few months, before the half-elf released a quiet sigh.

"I still don't understand how you found out about this in the first place," though it wasn't posed as a question, having a rather strong feeling that Lloyd would choose not to answer. ".. the connection may be unstable. Give it a moment."

Without another word, Yuan left Lloyd alone with the device; as if to give the pair their space. Though it hadn't been long since he'd last seen his father.. Lloyd's heart still thrummed strongly in his chest, wrought with a few different emotions he couldn't quite put a name to.

Was it.. excitement? Relief? Nervousness? Lloyd remembered everything from Spirale, evident to his presence here, but..

Would Kratos? Even now, that he'd returned back to Derris-Kharlan? Would he be happy to see him, or..

As the static of the projection began to fizzle out, the strained image of a familiar face slowly beginning to appear, Lloyd felt himself move forward; his hands curling into tight, near shaking fists.

"-- dad?"

".. it's me, dad. It's Lloyd. Can you hear me?"

❱❱ :   —   ( @originskey​​ )

[mithosofcruxis]

"You shouldn't seek all the answers, believe me. You may not like what you find." --lightning-of-kharlan

"What do you mean?"

Mithos sat on the bank of the river, feet dipped into the cool water. It was a welcome relief from the sweltering sun. Beads of sweat threatened to crawl their way from his hairline and into his eyes. Mithos wiped them away with a lazy motion.

Laying back on the ground behind him, he looked up at the sky and, by extension, the upside-down face of Yuan as it stared down at him with it's familiar grumpy frown. He had just wanted to know what would happen to Yuan and Kratos if they went back into their armies. He had no real context for what happened in an army or how they worked, save for the small bits that slipped out when the two soldiers thought he wasn't listening.

"It can't be that bad, right? I know you left them, but considering how many men they're losing and how skilled you both are, it would only make sense that they'd want you back.

[eternalidealist]

@iirvings continued from X

Lloyd took one look at his captor and tensed. Eyes that probably, no, definitely matched his own in color and shape were on the other end of that blade. Even more strange was the fact that, if not for the difference in clothes, this other Lloyd would have matched him completely; it was almost like looking in a mirror.

But dorky!?

" Don't insult my outfit without looking in a mirror first, dickhead! My dad made this for me! "

Now that his back was free, he could quickly move away from this… possible other Lloyd. Wow, that was just wrong, he was going to need another name for this asshole. Around them Gaoracchia's familiar-yet-foreign terrain softly hummed in the breeze. Just as quickly, he drew his own blades but instead of pointing them outwards, he held them in a defensive position.

" Isn't it common courtesy to introduce yourself before threatening people? Who the hell are you!? "

Equally importantly, where the hell was he? Of course he recognized Gaoracchia forest from the get-go, but he felt lightly nauseous, as if he'd jumped off a rheiard mid-flight through the old portal that used to connect Tethe'alla and Sylvarant. In his mind, Origin answered.

(You are on Aselia; however, there are still fluctuations happening around the World Tree from the sudden departure of Derris-Kharlan and the use of the Eternal Sword; you were transported through one of those fluctuations into a separate timeline adjacent to your own,)

What the hell?

(To put it more simply, you stepped through a crack in space-time. Consider this another reality if you will.)

What the hell?

Lloyd felt a headache coming on.

"Dickhead? What are you? Eight? Are you some kind of clone Kvar made?" Lloyd interrogated. "And what kind of fighting stance is that? If you are a clone, you look like you're missing a few brain cells and fashion sense!"