#just let switzerland score and let us all move on

[barcelonas]

can england just stop like you’re not built for this

[pitchsidestories]

midnight reign II Ana Maria Crnogorčević x Reader

masterlist I word count: 976

a/n: thank you anon for sending this request we hope you all enjoy it.<3

warnings: 18+ smut

The rain has padded down rhythmically on the rooftop of your new home in Seattle.

You still needed to adjust to your new life in the US, but when your fiancée got the chance to play here you couldn’t not support it especially not when the Euros next year would be in her home country Switzerland.

The outside noise helped to calm your unruly soul and focus on the book in your hands until you heard the front door open.

“Amor, I’m home, where are you?”, Ana Maria announced cheerfully.

“In the living room.”, you replied smiling. After all the years together it still excited you when she returned from a football game. There was a happiness in the footballer’s voice now which you had missed in Madrid.

“Hi.”, she greeted you still a little breathless, her blonde hair slightly wet and curly from the rain, the Swiss woman looked beautiful against the warm glow of the lamps.

“Hey, great debut.”, you told her warmly but didn’t look up from your read much to the frustration of your fiancée.

“Thanks. It was really fun. I only wish I would have scored but the ball just never came right to me.”, Ana Maria admitted as she let herself fall right next to you on the dark green sofa.

“You’ll score in time you always do.”, you tried to encourage her, as your free hand absent mindedly stroke through her hair while your eyes were set on your currently reading.

“Yes, I’m sure. I just can’t wait to finally score for the reigns.”, the blonde confessed moving her head to rest it on your chest.

“I understand that.”, you whispered empathetically. With an amused twinkle in your fiancée’s eyes, she took the book away from you.

“Hey, I was reading that!”, you protested laughing trying to get it back.

 “You’re not even listening to me.”, Ana Maria shook her head firmly.

“I’m listening to you, but the romance was just getting spicy!”, you defended yourself.

“Spicy, huh?”, the footballer smirked.

“And very dramatic as well.”, you added with a wink.

“How about I’ll show you spicy?”, she asked you in a conspiratorial tone.

“You mean spicy in a non-fiction kind of way.”, you returned her question innocently.

“Exactly that.”, the older woman nodded in satisfaction. Finally, Ana Maria had your whole attention, which was what she graved all evening. The adrenaline of the first few minutes back on the pitch was still pulsing through her veins.  

“I’m coming.”, you declared.

“Good because I hate waiting almost as much as being ignored.”

“I know I was in Madrid when both things happened to you.”, you remembered with a pinch of sadness.

The spicy romance book slipped away from the forwards hands and landed softly on the floor.

“Okay, time to shut you up.”, she decided determined.

Her gaze was trained on you, almost predatory. This was enough to make the throbbing between your legs start.

“Glad to see you’re back.“, you teased.

“Now come here.“, Ana whispered, her voice raspy as she moved closer to you.

You back pressed against the armrest of the sofa. You grinned at her: “Is that the moment where you’re stopping me from talking any further?”

The impatience took over, you finally wanted to feel Anas lips on yours, her hands on your body.

Ana nodded slowly: “Absolutely.“

And suddenly you got what you wanted. She pressed her lips on your mouth, hard and hungry.

You slightly parted your lips, making space for her tongue.

Simultaneously, you wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her in until she was almost on top of you. You could feel the heat your girlfriends body radiated through your clothes. If your tongue wasn’t so busy, you would make a joke about her hotness.

Ana started to press her thigh between your legs, grinding and moving against you. You moaned into the kiss. You could feel yourself getting wet from her rhythmic movement but it wasn’t enough. It left you longing for more.

Your girlfriend could apparently feel your desperation. She stopped and moved off of you.

Licking her lips, she pushed your shirt upwards. Her hands lingered on your naked skin, her thumbs rubbing across the smooth surface of your waist, sending a shiver down your spine.

Finally, she pulled down your pants. Her head disappeared between your thighs as she provided some sweet relief with her tongue.

The thumb of one hand continued to rub small circles against your clitoris, the other laid on your thing, her gold rings digging into your skin.

You closed your eyes, letting the wave of arousal and excitement wash over you. You could feel yourself getting closer and closer and closer. Until you finally reached the climax.

A moan of relief escaped your lips as endorphins started to flood your body and you melted right in to Anas arms. You tried to train your eyes on her through the blissful haze.

Ana flashed you a victorious smile and admired her work. You loved everything about it, from the way strands of hair clung to her forehead to her now slightly puffy pink lips. Just looking at her, you immediately wanted to return the favour.

You removed the last of your clothes and got up from the sofa. Your girlfriend watched you with curious eyes and a smirk, she knew what would be coming next.

You stood in front of her, fully undressed, and leaned down to kiss her while she was still seated on the sofa.

Her hands ran down the natural curves of your body, blue eyes looking up at you with desire.

With one swift movement, you took her hands in yours and pulled her up before directing her towards the bedroom.

Your book laid forgotten on the floor. Who needed fiction when your girlfriend was right there?

[ladylooch]

(Ik your requests are closed so pls don’t feel super pressured to write but you write Nico perfect everytime so I choose you :3)

So we all know neeks isn’t into anything super hardcore or kinky when it comes to sex. But when he’s particularly frustrated with hockey or the media he can get a bit rough, needing to take his emotions out on something. (Here’s the angsty part? Idk if this even counts as angst but) maybe one night after a rough game you’re kind of just letting him use you as he needs, but he kinda ‘blacks out’ for a sec and gets a little too rough with you. Nothing super dramatic but you have to say something about it and he’s instantly reeling himself back in and profusely apologizing and completely shifting focus to make it up to you. Poor baby is in near tears over hurting his girl.

His Superstar- Nico Hischier

A/N: I just love the way I was selected for this blurb. Hahahah! I love you anon 🤭 fluff my feathers, bby. You know it works. Also, you know I have to be big sis here and address this theme: communicate with your partners. Keep it safe and respect boundaries.

Warnings: SMUT 18+ Content, sexual boundaries talk

If one more reporter asks Nico if he’s frustrated with his lack of scoring so far this season, he might have to show that reporter just how frustrated he actually is by popping them in the face. 

Day after day, he stands up there in front of their cameras and microphones, answering questions he really doesn’t want to. 

It never gets easier. The vets told him  it would in this first season as captain. It doesn’t. He still has to resist hulking out at some of the dumbass questions and comments he gets in his media scrums. 

But when he gets home to you, none of that matters. He falls into your world where he isn’t an NHL captain. He isn’t a multimillionaire who is underperforming. He isn’t an international superstar.

He’s only yours. Y/N’s Nico.

You, his sweet girlfriend, were waiting for him in the kitchen with fudge brownies using the chocolate his mom sent from Switzerland. He knew exactly what he wanted from you when he saw you in those tiny, red shorts you know drive him nuts.

And it wasn’t food. 

You were unsuspecting, chewing on your bottom lip at the outward frustration you saw gathering in Nico’s eyebrows on social media that morning. He was at the rink longer- getting treatment. But the wildness in his eyes when he walked in did not prepare you for the position you were currently in.

Nico slams into you deeply again. It feels incredible. You moan out your approval to him again. He has you on the kitchen table so he can use his thick thighs to pound at full throttle. Nico rarely gets like this and the excitement of it all has your nipples piercing the air, meeting his groans. His hands come up, groping your breasts as he leans over you more. He is so far gone, whispering in Swiss German, losing control of himself completely as he pushes harder into you. The table moves slightly. You reach out for his arm for safety, holding and rubbing at him while moaning his name.

Nico grabs both of your arms, pinning you down with his palms on both your forearms. You are so close to reaching your climax. You open your legs wider, taking him deeper. Your breathing stutters and you move to pull your arms from his grip to hold his shoulders for security. Nico forces his fingers deeper into you. You’re eyes snap open in unease. You try again. Now his grip is uncomfortable. 

“Nico let go.” You stutter abruptly, feeling panic close your throat. It takes him a moment to hear your words. His head is knocked back as he begins to dribble into you. The reaction of his impending orgasm has him tightening further. “Nico! Stop!” You yell suddenly. Nico snaps to immediately, releasing your arms. You push at his abdomen until he falls out of you. 

“What!? What happened!?” You are still splayed beneath him, completely exposed. You suck in a shaky breath, trying to ground yourself. You can tell he didn’t mean to, but you suddenly feel very naked and uncomfortable. Nico can see that. He grabs his jacket on the chair to his right, draping it over you. His expression is worried. He tentatively reaches out for your hand. You lace your fingers together. “Did you say something and I missed it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry. Oh my god. Baby, what did you say? I didn’t hear. I’m so sorry. I’m so…” He trails off, dashing a hand through his hair. He looks around the table frantically, trying to find the pants you both dropped on the floor in haste.

“Nico.” You call, reaching for him to come back to you. He is berating himself internally. You can see it with every twitch of his facial features. His shoulders are slumping inward as he leans over you, reaching out for your cheek then recoiling his fingers. You grab his hand, placing it there and leaning into his touch. “Can you please calm down so we can talk about it?”

“I hurt you!”

“No you didn’t.”

“I crossed a line!”

“Yes, but unintentionally.” You sit up, very aware of your naked core settling against the kitchen table. You open your arms and Nico steps in. He presses his forehead to your shoulder, his jacket still covering most of your naked body. You turn so you can brush comforting kisses along his stubbled jaw. “I asked for you to let go of my arms.” Nico shakes his head.

“I didn’t hear.”

“I know.” You murmur, “That’s why I yelled.” He nods.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. I am okay. And I want to finish, but can we not do it this way anymore?”

“Of course.” He nods. He pulls away to look at your face. “I’m so sorry. I did not hear you. I would never keep doing something you weren’t comfortable with.”

“I know, Neeks. Now let me finish you off on the couch.” You smile, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He lifts you up, walking to the leather couch. He chuckles as you shiver when your back hits it, like always. The air of safety returns as you straddle his lap, sliding down until he’s fully sheathed inside of you. He grips your hips tenderly, creating a line for you to buck yourself into. 

When he came into the apartment, he wanted to take you his way. But now, watching you ride him so good, he thinks about how much better this is. You always have better ideas than him. The bed you picked. The apartment you moved into together. The bedding. This couch.

And this fucking tempo. His head falls back; his belly burns with fire. Your inner walls suck him deeper and he releases white ribbons into you.

“Baby.” He moans against your mouth as you wetly kiss him in praise. You’re not quite there yet. He sinks deeper into the couch cushions as you use him for your own pleasure. He watches with heavy and lustful eyes, biting his bottom lip when you shout his name to the ceiling. He curls forward, groaning, gripping himself into your chest as you pulse around his sensitive cock. He shivers when your nails drag along his shoulders, leaving red scratches as you bounce up and down once more.

“Oh god.” You croak out when you find your voice. “That was… Fuck.” 

“You’re a superstar, baby.”

“Thought that was you?” You murmur, raking a hand through his mused, brown locks.

“No… Right now I’m only yours.”

[lilfishiefigureskates]

Grand Prix de France Review

Men:

Adam Siao Him Fa (France) Total Score 246 - In this chaotic men’s even Adam got 8th in the short and 1st in the free program. I did not like his gangster short program, and maybe Ilia was right with the fake hoodie, cause the real hoodie was not the move. I really liked the Dune program tho, but I feel like lying on the ice and pretending to die is cheating. Also, having a backflip in both programs scares me so badly. Hopefully he will be able to put down two clean programs in China. #TheComebackKing.

Koshiro Shimada (Japan) Total Score 233.84 - Koshiro got 5th in the short and 3rd in the free. I’m glad he was able to put down a better performance than he did at Skate America! His Shawn Mendes short is not my fav but I really like his free. He’s truly an excellent performer. Unfortunately, it’s very unlikely we’ll see him at the Grand Prix final despite him getting a silver medal due to him only getting 6th at Skate America.

Andrew Torgashev (USA) Total Score 233.65 - 4th in the short and 4th in the free. Some unusual consistency for the pizza king. I’m glad he was able to survive this event and earn his first Grand Prix medal! He will be replacing Stephen Gogolev in the NHK trophy this upcoming weekend due to a last minute withdrawal. Since the men’s field is looking pretty wide open besides Yuma and Kao, we might see him back on the podium. We’ll see how we handles the last minute back to back competitions.

Mikhail Shaidorov (Kazakhstan) Total Score 231.86 - 6th in the short and 5th in the free. He did the 3A4T!!!! And nobody noticed cause he rotated it so damn fast. He probably has my favorite Dune costume. His technical elements are amazing, so I would love to see him work on his PCS. Moonlight Sonata into Take on Me was definitely a choice, but I was feeling it. He said he was working on another super secret combo, so I’m looking forward to seeing it in the future.

Kazuki Tomono (Japan) Total Score 231.48- 3rd in the short and 6th in the free. Even though he only did a 4S2T in the short, he was in the top 3 cause everyone else was flopping but he just couldn’t hold on during the free. In the free he had a bit of a rough start but he got it together in the end. I appreciate him for not having boring tops. He committed to the bit. I guess he was injured which I was not aware of (as twitter has pointed out, a lot of people at this event were injured/recovering from injuries).

Nikolaj Memola (Italy) Total Score 227.10 - 10th in the free and 2nd in the short (lol). I’m not going to talk about the short cause I’m trying to erase it from my memory. But his free OMGGGGG. He was moving quite slow, but it was beautiful. And he did the 4Lz!??!? He was emoting and gave us a gorgeous Ina Bauer. I would love to see him pick up his speed, but I guess he was injured during the off season, so I’ll let it slide for now. I think Mark said he was 6’5??? - which is literally insane.

Aleksandr Selevko (Estonia) Total Score 266.11 - 2nd in the short, 7th in the free. I just found out that he was dating a 15 year old girl which is literally disgusting so I’m not going to talk about him.

Boyang Jin (China) Total Score 219.05 - 1st in the short, 11th in the free :(((( Some serious menning occurred here. Really enjoyed the short, but why on earth is he skating to Boston in the free?????? It does not fit him at all. It was a joy seeing him in first after the short, but man was that short program rough. Hopefully he can put down a better performance in front of his home crowd when he competes in the Cup of China.

Lukas Britschgi (Switzerland) Total Score 212.94 - 7th in the short, 9th in the free. Very cool that he incorporated sign language into his short program (I know that Benoit is mad he didn’t think of it first). And in his free we were traveling through space and time I guess. I def liked the vibes of his free so hopefully he can put down a better performance at Finlandia.

Luc Economides (France) Total Score 205.55 - 9th in the short, and 8 in the free. Unfortunately having back to back programs was not kind to him. Although he earned 2nd at the Cranberry cup, the Grand Prix series was not very kind to him. I really do like his Interstellar free program tho. He also has the scariest axis on his 3A that I’ve ever seen.

Camden Pulkinen (USA) Total Score 193.6 - 11th in the short, and 12th in the free. He graduated college which is good, but instead of focusing on figure skating he got a finance job in NYC???? I feel like he should be choosing one or the other but I’m not in charge of his life. It’s just getting slightly frustrating to watch him. Here’s hoping he’ll have a comeback at Finlandia.

Francois Pitot (France) Total Score 183.17 - 12th in the short, 10th in the free. I do not like the half-jacket costume he has in the short, especially since it just kinda flaps around. He had a pretty had fall on his 4S in the short and it looked like he may have hurt his shoulder. He’s doing a Matrix free program, but it doesn’t sound like it’s from The Matrix but IDK. He got 11th at Skate America and last place here, so it’s been a tad rough for him, so I hope he gets some rest.

Women:

Amber Glenn (USA) Total Score 210.44 - 1st in the short, 3rd in the free. 3A in the short let’s go!!!!! She put her hand down on the 3A in the free was it was no biggie. I know she had a lot of trouble with consistency last season but I really think that this season is her season. So excited to see her at the Cup of China!

Wakaba Higuchi (Japan) Total Score 206.08 - 3rd in the short, 1st in the free. Grand Prix Final LETS GO!!!!!!!!!! I’m digging the Dune short, but I just wish that the free was just Running Up That Hill, because the second half of the program just works so much better than the first half. Improved her score from Skate America by almost 10 points!

Rion Sumiyoshi (Japan) Total Score 201.35 - 5th in the short, 2nd in the free. Beautiful costumes. Did the 4T in the free was it was UR and two-footed but it’s okies. Her jumps are so well woven into her choreography. I think this was her third time getting third at this event lol, so at least she’s staying consistent.

Chaeyeon Kim (South Korea) Total Score 199.99 - 2nd in the short, 5th in the free. I LOVE the Tron short program, but she only got a level 2 for her step sequence so we need to work on that. I think she was a little nervous going into the free program, because there was not a lot of emoting going on. It’s a shame she went down on the 3Lz3T. I really like her tho, and I think she’s quickly becoming one of my favs.

Sarah Everhardt (USA) Total Score 196.94 - 4th in the short, 4th in the free. I loved her spins. The short program was good, i just wish that she held her ending pose a little longer lol. She looked a little tired during the free and it kinda seemed like she was just going through the motions, and she didn’t have enough energy to match her music. But it was a very good Grand Prix debut!

Nina Pinzarrone (Belgium) Total Score 184.67 - 6th in the short, 6th in the free. The short program is a little weird. Like what do you mean she’s a young woman going to the theater to see swan lake? Why would we be so angsty to see swan lake?? Tell me Benoit?!?! And then in the free she’s drowning because her boat sank but the voiceover is from the Handmaid’s Tale. IDK she didn’t beat her score from Skate America and she has trouble with the 3Lz3T combo in the short but she does it pretty well in the free.

Mai Mihara (Japan) Total Score 174.93 - 7th in the short, 8th in the free. She is literally the human embodiment of sunshine. When she landed her 3Lz3T in the short her smile could’ve been seen from space. In the free there was very little going on between the jumps and she did struggle a bit, but she is still recovering from her injury.

Anastasiia Gubanova (Georgia) Total Score 173.32 - 9th in the short, 7th in the free. What’s up with the angsty ABBA cover for the short??? I did not like and I felt like she was just standing around on the ice too much. She saved most of her combos for the second half in the free and I don’t think that was the move for her. She’s just very inconsistent in general.

Livia Kaiser (Switzerland) Total Score 168.27 - 8th in the short, 9th in the free. Got a level 2 on her step sequence in both the short and the free and had some trouble with her spins in both programs as well. I liked her short a lot better than her free, because it was very moody and she does give good attitude.

Lorine Schild (France) Total Score 164.32 - 10th in the short, 10th in the free. Had a rough short program but did better in the free. I thought her costume was very pretty and the program built up nicely toward the end.

Lea Serna (France) Total Score 160.91 - 11th in the short, 11th in the free. Beat her score from Skate America by almost 10 points so heck yeah! For some reason I don’t have a lot of notes for her free so IDK. Sorry Lea.

Clemence Mayindu (France) Total Score 121.34 - 12th in the short, 12th in the free. This was her first senior Grand Prix event so I know this baby girl must have been nervous but boy did she have the crowd on her side! Had trouble with her technical elements and needed more ice coverage.

Pairs:

Minerva Fabienne Hase / Nikita Volodin (Germany) Total Score 211.69 - 1st in the short, 1st in the free. I liked the free a lot better than the short. Their 3Tw is great and the throw 3Lo is also pretty solid.

Sara Conti / Niccolo Macii (Italy) Total Score 203.39 - 2nd in the short, 2nd in the free. Crazy start and end pose lol, I wished they held their end pose for a little longer but I think that’s starting to be a pet peeve of mine. He went down in the SBS 3S in the free but that was their only boo boo.

Rebecca Ghilardi (Italy) / Filippo Ambrosini (Italy) Total Score 176.62 - 6th in the short, 3rd in the free. I’m not quite sure how their short is a program about violence against women but I’m a sucker for Moulin Rouge. I didn’t watch their free program because I think I was still recovering from the men’s event but I will get on it ASAP.

Dance:

Evgeniia Lopareva / Geoffrey Brissaud (France) Total Score 195.27 - 2nd in the short, 1st in the free. Listen they have found their niche because they do weird well. They’re both so expressive and have great musicality and the Rasputin short program is iconic.

Charlene Guignard / Marco Fabbri (Italy) Total Score 189.08 - 1st in the short, 5th in the free. Ketchup and Mustard in the short, and robots in the free. TBH i was vibing with the robots during the first half of the program but they lost me in the second half. He had a fall on the twizzles which is a no-no.

Emily Bratti / Ian Somerville (USA) Toal Score 185.88 - 4th in the short, 2nd in the free. I do not vibe with the short. IDK I just can’t take it seriously lol. And unfortunately I think the free is a little boring. However they both serve so much face (especially him) and I’m happy that they were able to make a comeback after their disappointing outcome at Skate Canada.

This whole competition was so chaotic but we made it out alive and that’s all that matters. RIP my fantasy figure skating picks tho. Coming up next is the NKH Trophy!!!

[uncle-ak]

TEARS IN MY EYES

In March 2022, Cameroon had to play Algeria home and away for the final of the 5 allotted spots for African teams at the 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar. The first game was on March 25 at the Japoma Stadium in Douala, Cameroon. The match ended 0-1 in favor of Algeria. The return leg was 4 days later in Algeria and Cameroon needed a victory and score at least 2 goals. 22 minutes in, Eric Choupo-Moting put Cameroon in the lead. That was the only goal score in the 90 minutes of regular play. Extra time was needed to decide who’d be going to Qatar. Extra time is 30 minutes split in half. Algeria scored in the 118th minute and before the fans in the stadium and across the country could finish celebrating that goal, Karl Toko-Ekambi scored for Cameroon with only seconds left in the game. The final score was 2-2, but Cameroon qualified because they scored 1 more goal in Algeria than Algeria did in Cameroon. This is known as the ‘Away Goals’ rule which is used to settle ties. Cameroon had done it; they’d qualified for the World Cup.

The draw for the World Cup happened on April 1st at the Doha Exhibition and Convention Center in Doha. Cameroon was placed in Group G with Serbia, Switzerland, and Brazil. Now any football fan will tell you that Brazil is one of the best football countries in the world and they always come with the best stars. Also, there is some sweet history between Brazil and Cameroon.

The World Cup is the biggest competition in the world for countries. It’s so big, it only happens every four years. The first world cup I watched was the 1998 edition held in France. I was 5 years old. I always wondered how it was like to watch the games live, be among the fans, and cheer on your country. I’ve attended many games as I’ve gotten older but never that magnitude. When I saw that Brazil would be playing Cameroon December 2nd 2022, I knew I had to be there. Some of the heroes from when Cameroon won the 2017 African Nations Cup where on the team, (Benji’s Men) so this was another opportunity to see them.

The World Cup usually takes place in the summer but due to the scorching weather in Qatar during the summer months, it was moved to November and December when the temperatures would be more suitable for the games. My friend, Priscilla did most of the planning and research. She’s good at this kind of things. I just told her to let me know what we’re doing, when it’s happening, and how much I had to wire to her bank account. The travel party was priscilla, her dad, and me. Since we planned to only attend 1 game, we decided to stop in Dubai for a few days and then head over to Doha on December 1st, the day before the match. Unfortunately, Priscilla and her dad could not make the trip. This was because she got a new job and had to move. I was sad, but extremely happy for her.

Now I had to travel alone because I didn’t see myself not going on the trip. Luckily, my dad had finally rearranged his schedule to also attend the match. My sister too, who was in Cameroon at the time also wanted to attend the match. We quickly sorted out arrangements and got an Airbnb in Dubai.

I flew out of New York on November 27. It was a 12-and-a-half-hour flight which would arrive the next morning around 8 am local time. Shout out to Emirates Airlines for broadcasting the World Cup games on the flight. It was a very smooth flight aboard the Airbus A380. The food was good too.

I was in Dubai for 3 days and on December 1st, I left for Doha. It was a one-hour flight. The plane was filled with fans from Costa Rica. They had a game that night and they were in high spirits the entire plane ride, singing and chanting.

After getting through security at the airport, I made my way to the train station. All the stadiums were connected by the rail. Lusail Stadium was where Cameroon would be facing Brazil and it was the last stop on the train. The hostel was advertised to be a 5 minutes’ walk from the stadium. I got off the stadium and as I made my outside, there it was, the incredible Lusail Iconic Stadium. It was magical. Bigger than what I saw on tv. After taking a few shots, I started the “five” minute walk. Not going to lie, it took me almost an hour because all I had was a picture of the place. My phone map was only so useful. I walked to two wrong buildings. I was exhausted by the time I arrived. Funny enough, the stadium was indeed in sight and walking distance.

My old man arrived a few hours later and we went out to the town center. That’s where all the fans were. It was beautiful. The patriotism on display was incredible. The city was very colorful.

The flags of all the participating nations were displayed on the streets and fans stopped to take pictures. After walking around, we grabbed some food and sat to watch the 10 pm game. By halftime I was tired, and I left and went to bed.

The next morning, the exploring continued. We wanted to see Doha by day, eat, and get souvenirs because that was the only opportunity. By the time we got back to the hostel, my sister had arrived. We all got ready and made our way to the stadium. I had on a white Cameroon jersey and a white Keffiyeh with flags of Cameroon which I bought earlier in the market wrapped around my neck.

It was about thirty minutes to kick off when I got in. The players from both teams where on the pitch going through their warmup routines. I spotted some of my favorite players on the team; the captain Vincent Aboubakar, Collins Fai, and Andre Onana. The players cleared the field to go change and that’s when the ambiance started. Music and lightshows kept us entertained.

The referees led the players back out on to the field. The national anthems of both nations were played. I only know a few lines of the Cameroon national anthem. I hummed the rest of it. The game kicked off and there was a roar in the stadium. The game was very tight, but Brazil had most of the clearer cut opportunities to score.

It was still goalless at halftime. I remember a fan, late in the second half say, “I flew all the way from London, and I won’t even see a goal?” I wanted to turn to the fan and say cry more, but I opted to mind my business. As the game marched towards full time and with some fans already making their way out, twenty-four-year-old Jerome Ngom Mbekeli, who’d only been on the field for five minutes having entered as a substitute, crossed the ball from the right-hand side of the field into the penalty area and the beautiful head of captain Vincent Aboubakar was there to meet it. The ball hit the back of the net. GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

I couldn’t believe my eyes, I stood up, yelled, screamed, danced, and celebrated. I was very emotional. I was waving my flag very high and might. In that moment, that very small moment, I was happy. Nothing else mattered. I used the Keffiyeh to wipe the tears in the eyes. The match ended 1-0. Cameroon had beaten Brazil. One of the Brazilians fans came to me and ask if we could swap jerseys. I agreed and we took a picture together.

I returned to the hostel, grabbed my things and got an Uber to the airport.

Dreaming of something and actually making it happen are two very different things. I’ve always dreamt of attending a world cup match, but never thought it’d happen to me. On the 12-hour flight back, I reflected on the whole experience. It was memorable. The people of Qatar were very friendly, the food was fantastic, and the vibe in the country was top notch. I am glad I made the trek to Qatar, and I am happy I was at a game that my country won. Even though we did not qualify for the knockout stage, it made the six thousand miles journey bearable. Like my little brother always says, “work hard, but enjoy harder.”

Nothing’s in Vain.

Happy New Year,

Via Boy D’jine

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

so everyone, I HAVE to tell you about this egregiously (and utterly hilariously) bad production of Verdi’s I Lombardi alla prima crociata from 2006 in Obersaxen, Switzerland.

“WHERE???” you ask.

Obersaxen, Switzerland, a town with about 800 people. let’s just say there is a reason that this is not an opera hub. nevertheless, there is an opera company in Obersaxen called Opera Viva, and in 2006 the company decided to stage a production of I Lombardi alla prima crociata. and...well, the rest is under the cut because in order to explain how egregiously and hilariously bad it is, it’s gonna take a while:

let us start with the opening.

(for the record, you can watch this whole trainwreck for FREE on YouTube.)

“I don’t remember characters named Elvira or Alvaro in this opera,” you say. and you would be right! (”Abate” just means “abbot”, and that’s what this production calls the Prior of the City of Milan) they just. add two characters named Elvira and Alvaro. anyway.

so here we have Pagano (in blue, and yes he has a manbun), then Arvino (the guy with the yellow cloak), and then on the right with the orange-ish cloak we have Alvaro, who apparently is a Third Brother added for the purposes of...idk, more roles to go around and more voices for parts.

and here is Pirro on the left with Elvira on the right. it will later turn out (thanks to some reassigning of lines) that Elvira is Pirro’s daughter. they sing all of the exposition with the mixed chorus (originally it’s the male chorus telling the female chorus the exposition). this is the beginning of extensive and egregious line reassignment.

courtroom time lol

Giselda (center) and Viclinda (right). for some reason they double up a lot of lines.

here is Pirro auditioning to be the flag-waver in Les Mis

and here is Pirro immediately after bonking the flag into the wall of the set

guys being dudes

Pagano harassing Viclinda while singing his aria. meanwhile Viclinda is staring into the void

in which the assassins are hit with Catholic Guilt

reassigning lines so Giselda tells her mom to go to bed

there is a child dressed as an angel for some reason

they moved the Jerusalem chorus from Act III to here for some reason

Arvino apparently missed his cue to come in here after Pagano thinks he killed him

Alvaro is Here

so the Act I finale is interrupted by a band of Syrian bandits breaking in, holding everyone at arrowpoint, and throwing a net over the 3 girls and dragging them off

reminder: this is still Act I and we are still in Milan. why are these people from Antioch in Milan

we randomly switched the choruses at the beginnings of Scenes 1 and 3 of Act II because why not also there is one (1) belly dancer also they gave a bunch of random people small solos apparently

Viclinda is still very much alive

Oronte and Sofia, lads

random a cappella singing not in the score as scene change music

so the Pagano/Pirro scene goes as normal here but then Pirro comes back 30 seconds later and sings Arvino’s part even though Pirro is a bass and Arvino is a tenor

can’t tell if they changed the words here or if everyone’s diction is just that bad lol

“‘kay everyone time for the lead soprano to sing her big solo number where she’s supposed to be alone onstage so...everyone just pretend like you’re asleep or something idk”

“except Sofia ig”

they reassigned “No, non giusta causa” to SOFIA WHY??? also she only sings like a fourth of it lol and then they just cut to Act III

at this point I’m starting to think they just assigned lines at random because none of this makes sense

not even sure what happened here they just need to get a way to get everyone who isn’t Giselda or Oronte offstage

they cut the scene where Arvino yells at everyone for a while and here during the violin prelude the Crusaders are having a picnic

purple light means heaven

OH THIS IS THE FUCKING FUNNIEST PART

so the directors decided, in their infinite wisdom, to have a bunch of angels bear Oronte’s soul away to heaven by dressing up three little kids as angels and giving them a net and telling them to drag Oronte away

and the kids. are. STRUGGLING:

so they send out two more kids:

one of whom has just very clearly had it with this whole godforsaken idea:

meanwhile, Sofia is here for some reason:

and they turned Giselda’s solo here into a quartet

AND THEN ONE OF THE KIDS��� WINGS FELL OFF:

angel kids are now taking a break:

someone then proceeded to give the kids ropes to tie onto the net blanket thing and pull those to get Oronte offstage:

which did not work either:

and then finally it was time for Oronte’s solo from the afterlife, so Oronte just fucking GOT UP and the kids, presumably exasperated by this point, noped right out of there:

but then they came back:

and then Oronte waved the kids off and they went off in opposite directions:

whoever cast this must have really liked their Pirro because they gave all of Giselda’s lines here to Pirro for some reason (also they cut Giselda’s cabaletta after Oronte left):

Elvira and Viclinda are here for some reason, still very much alive:

also somehow Sofia and Oronte are here:

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd...THE END!!!

yup. egregiously and hilariously bad. not even sure I hit all the big points lol

[nerdythebard]

#25: Artio, The Bear Goddess

Fáilte, Gods and Goddesses!

Today, we step onto the green shores of Ireland for our first Celtic deity. Meet Artio, the Bear Goddess. Evidence of her cult was found as far as modern-day Switzerland, where a figure showing a woman feeding a bear was discovered. In SMITE, Artio is a melee druidess who shapeshifts into a bear to protect her allies.

Next Time: Who knew the wisest of the gods would turn out to be the pettiest...

Let's start with the goals of making Artio:

Bear Hug: Easy one, but necessary - we need to be able to transform into a huge bear and deal some serious damage.

Mother Nature: Artio can heal, conjure up vines, and drain vitality from her enemies.

Celtic Guardian: Artio's strong sides are good Crowd Control abilities and High Sustain. We need to be able to soak in some damage and prevent enemies from advancing.

---

Now, we could just go with a human or (like Artemis) an elf, but for Artio, I think we'll look at the Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron and one of their races. More specifically, the Beasthide Shifter. Believed to be descendants of humans and lycanthropes, Shifters combine the traits of man and beast into a single, deadly force. Beasthide Shifters get a +2 Constitution and a +1 Strength, 60 feet of Darkvision, and proficiency in Athletics skill. We also get the Shifting ability; as a bonus action, we can assume a more bestial form for up to 1 minute. We gain Temporary Hit Points equal to [our level + our Constitution modifier] plus one more benefit depending on our Shifter subrace. Beasthide Shifters gain an extra 1d6 THP and +1 AC bonus when shifted.

As the Big Bear In Charge, Artio is the protector first and foremost, so making her the Folk Hero seems right to me. We gain proficiency in Animal Handling and Survival, one type of artisan's tools, and land vehicles. The Rustic Hospitality feature allows us to seek help and shelter among the common folk, because of our good reputation among the poor.

ABILITY SCORES

We'll start with Strength - we're a melee combatant, our blows need to pack a punch. Constitution will be next, we're the guardian with a thick bear hide for a reason. Follow that up with Wisdom, it's going to be our casting ability, but we won't be very spell-forward.

Dexterity is next, while not the most nimble of fighters, we need to make sure everyone around is protected. Charisma is a little low, but since Artio keeps mostly to the wilderness and forests, she doesn't necessarily interact with people... although we need to boost this up, bears are pretty intimidating. Finally, we're dumping Intelligence. I don't see a reason to have academic smarts here.

CLASS

Now, I know what you're thinking. Nature, shapeshifting, magic... Druid start-to-finish, right? Well, not necessarily. Half-a-point for trying, though.

Level 1 - Fighter: Artio is a melee character with spellcasting. We need to be a tank first, a magic-user second. Fighters get a d10 Hit Dice, [10 + Constitution modifier] initial Hit Points, and proficiency with light armour, medium armour, heavy armour, shields, simple weapons, and martial weapons. For Artio (when not in the Bear Form) I think we could get regular leather armour and either a quarterstaff or a glaive. Our saving throws are Strength and Constitution and we get to pick two class skills (Intimidation and Perception).

Fighters begin by choosing their Fighting Style, and to fulfil Artio's role as a guardian, we're gonna go with Interception from Tasha's Cauldron of Everything. Whenever a creature within 5 feet of us is hit by an attack, we can use our reaction to reduce the damage taken by [1d10 + our proficiency bonus] to a minimum of 0 damage. We must be wielding a shield or a simple/martial weapon for this.

We also get Second Wind, which lets us take a breather and heal [1d10 + our Fighter level] Hit Points as a bonus action once per short or long rest.

Level 2 - Fighter: We get Action Surge. Once per short or long rest we can take one additional Action on our turn.

Level 3 - Fighter: We get to pick our subclass, our Martial Archetype. For Artio, who uses her bear form to maul any enemy in her sights, we're gonna pick the Brute archetype from a 2018 Unearthed Arcana. With Brute Force we increase our overall weapon damage by an extra 1d4.

Level 4 - Fighter: Time for our first Ability Score Improvement. We're really going to double down on our Hit Points, by taking the Tough feat. Our maximum Hit Points increase by [our level x2]. Whenever we level up afterwards, we get +2 Hit Points Maximum.

Level 5 - Druid: Time for some representation of Nature's might. Multiclassing into a Druid gives us proficiencies we already have, so we're going to skip it. We do, however, learn the Druidic language - a system of phrases and symbols we can use to encrypt messages.

Druids are also full casters, so we learn Spellcasting from the start. Wisdom is our casting ability, and we can learn cantrips and ritual spells. Druids have an access to their full spell list, and can each day prepare [our Wisdom modifier + our Druid level] spells. We start by knowing two cantrips:

Druidcraft is a druid-exclusive cantrip used to influence nature around us. We can make flowers bloom or wither, predict the weather, light and extinguish small flames, and create harmless sensory effects.

Guidance lasts for 1 minute (concentration). A willing creature we touch (or us) can add a 1d4 to one ability check of its choice.

We also start with two 1st-level spell slots:

Cure Wounds is a very useful healing spell. One creature we touch regains [1d8+our spellcasting modifier] Hit Points instantly. The number of Hit Points healed increases if we use a spell slot higher than 1st level.

Earth Tremor creates a shockwave within 10 feet of us. Each creature in the range must make a Dexterity saving throw or take 1d6 bludgeoning damage and fall prone.

Level 6 - Druid: We unlock the Druid's signature ability: Wild Shape. As an action, we can transform into a beast for a number of hours equal to half of our Druid level (rounded down). In the beginning, we can only transform into a beast with no flying or swimming speed and with a maximum CR of 1/4... which means, we can't become a bear yet.

We also get to pick a second subclass, our Druid Circle. We need to become a bear ASAP, therefore we're choosing Circle of the Moon, which focuses on improving our Wild Shape. The Combat Wild Shape feature lets us transform as a bonus action instead of action and lets us spend a spell slot when transformed to regain 1d8 Hit Points. Circle Forms changes our Wild Shape table, giving us the ability to transform into beasts with a maximum CR of 1 as of now. This means we can now become either a brown or black bear.

We gain another 1st-level spell: Entangle causes grasping vines and thick brambles to grow in a 20-foot square area centred at a point within 90 feet of us. For 1 minute (concentration), the area becomes difficult terrain. Any creature that enters (or ends their turn in) the area must make a Strength saving throw or become restrained. On each of their turn, they can make a Strength saving throw to free themselves.

Level 7 - Druid: We don't get any class features here, but we do unlock 2nd-level spells. Gust of Wind causes a strong gale to blow in a line 60 feet long and 10 feet wide for 1 minute (concentration). For every 1 foot they want to move, all creatures within the line must spend 2 feet of their movement speed. The wind disperses gases and fog and can either extinguish flames or fan them (50% chance).

Level 8 - Druid: Time for another ASI. This time, let's put two points into Constitution for even better durability.

Our Wild Shape ability also improves, now giving us the ability to transform into beasts with a maximum CR of 1 but with swimming speed (e.g. a giant octopus).

We also learn a new cantrip: Frostbite causes ice and frost to appear on one target within 60 feet of us. The target must make a Constitution saving throw or take 1d6 cold damage and gain disadvantage on their next weapon attack before the end of its next turn.

We get one more Druid spell: Enhance Ability lasts for 1 hour (concentration) and enhances one ability for one creature of our choice (or ourselves).

Level 9 - Fighter: Coming back to the frontline combatant, we unlock Extra Attack. We can now attack twice instead of once during each Attack action.

Level 10 - Fighter: Halfway through the build and we get an ASI. This time, let's raise our Dexterity by 2 points for better AC and Initiative count.

Level 11 - Fighter: We get another subclass update. With Brutish Durability, we can now shake off more powerful attacks. Whenever we make a saving throw, we can roll a 1d6 and add the result to the overall score. This benefit also works on Death Saving Throws; if a total result is 20 or higher, we gain the DST benefit of a Natural 20 (+2 saves).

Level 12 - Fighter: Another ASI. This time, let's put one point in Strength and one in Dexterity.

Level 13 - Fighter: We get the Indomitable feat. Once per long rest, we can re-roll a failed saving throw. We have to use a new result even if we fail it again.

Level 14 - Fighter: Another subclass upgrade. This time, we get to pick a second Fighting Style. The Superior Technique style lets us choose one manoeuvre from the Battle Master subclass. We also get one d6 Superiority Die to fuel said manoeuvre. Pushing Attack allows us to spend the Superiority Die whenever we hit the enemy and impose the Strength saving throw on them. On a failed save, the target is pushed up to 15 feet away from us.

Level 15 - Fighter: Our Extra Attack can now be used to attack twice instead of once, for a total of three attacks per one Attack action.

Level 16 - Fighter: For another ASI, we once again increase both Strength and Dexterity.

Level 17 - Fighter: We improve our Indomitable feature into two re-rolls between long rests.

Level 18 - Fighter: Another level, another ASI. Let's max out our Constitution into 20.

Level 19 - Fighter: We get our final subclass upgrade. With Devastating Critical, when we score a critical hit with a weapon attack, we gain a bonus to damage roll equal to our Fighter level.

Level 20 - Fighter: Our capstone is Fighter 16, which means final ASI. Let's put two points into Intelligence to get rid of negative modifiers.

---

And that is Artio, the Mother Bear of Ireland. Let's see what I came up with here:

To start off, we're an absolute tanking beast (no pun intended). With an average Hit Points of 235 and Temporary HP of 25+1d6 every time we shift, we can soak some serious damage and protect our allies. Our AC is 16, and we have a +3 to our Initiative.

Unfortunately, our magic capabilities are pretty scarce for a Druid. Plus, most of our spells require concentration. Our Intelligence and Charisma scores are also not great, so we might be vulnerable to those kinds of saving throws.

---

Another day, another build. I hope you guys enjoyed it and I'll see you for the next one. I'll start with another request when we finish gods beginning at the letter A.

- Nerdy out!

[crystalracing]

Archive: The ups and downs of Raikkonen's 2007 F1 title triumphBy:

Adam Cooper

Sep 1, 2021, 8:53 PM

With two races to go in the 2007 Formula 1 season, Kimi Raikkonen appeared down and out. His recovery of a 17-point deficit as McLaren's challenge imploded is one of the greatest comebacks in F1's history and, on the occasion of the Finn announcing his retirement, we dug out the 25 October 2007 Autosport magazine feature explaining his remarkable title season

It took a long time but Kimi Raikkonen has finally won the world championship title that he so clearly deserves. And, of course, it came at the expense of McLaren after his own two near misses with the British team in 2003 and '05.

This was an extraordinary season for the Finn that began with an oh-so-easy victory in Australia that proved to be a false dawn. It was followed by a series of frustrating races that even led some to speculate his future with the team was in doubt. Yet, once everything clicked, Raikkonen was more often than not the man to beat, a position that was obscured by the headline-grabbing battle between Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso.

He had a lot of catching up to do. It's hard to believe now that he was as much as 17 points behind Hamilton at the end of the Japanese Grand Prix, with only 20 up for grabs over the final two races. And a few laps into that race, when he languished at the back after a disastrous strategy gamble by the team, he was staring at a title-losing 23-point deficit.

It's easy to overlook how much is involved when a frontrunning driver changes teams. Raikkonen had, after all, spent five full seasons at McLaren, and was used to the Woking team's systems and way of doing things. Moving over from Renault, the team he'd grown up with, Alonso faced similar challenges.

But Raikkonen undoubtedly had the more difficult job, for he was also filling the shoes of Michael Schumacher. In addition, the departure of Ross Brawn meant he was joining a team that was under serious pressure to maintain its equilibrium, and had also lost the advantages conferred by its special relationship with Bridgestone.

Raikkonen was also up against a team-mate who not only had a year's head start, but enjoyed a special relationship with the team boss. It could all have gone horribly wrong - like it did for Alonso - and the fact it didn't was a reflection of Raikkonen's ability to focus on what really matters.

Alonso had a slight advantage over Raikkonen in that he had a day in a McLaren in December, which accelerated the getting-to-know-each-other process. Kimi had to wait until January until he was free to drive a red car for the first time.

There was a limited amount of testing before Melbourne, and a great deal to learn. And perhaps trickiest of all was the transition from Michelin to Bridgestone, something that caught out many drivers.

"The Bridgestones were like playing on a different field," says David Robertson, who co-managed Raikkonen with son Steve. "Kimi and Alonso struggled. Lewis [Hamilton] when he was on the Michelins [in his early McLaren testing] struggled like hell - he couldn't do anything. He went to the Bridgestones, and it was 'this is it!', because that's the playing field he was used to being on. That's what we all believe, that's what Kimi believed."

Raikkonen left the winter-headline grabbing to others, but when he got to Australia things could hardly have gone any better in terms of making his mark with both the team and the tifosi: pole position, victory and fastest lap. Michael who? But he was flattered by circumstances, not least the fact team-mate Felipe Massa had a problem in qualifying and had to fight through the field.

Things got tougher in Malaysia, where the car's performance was compromised, but he took third and some useful points. Massa's early excursion suggested that Raikkonen had already established himself as de facto team leader.

"The Michelins were quite a bit different when you approached the corner and, in order to avoid understeer, you had to use the tyres in quite an aggressive way. With Bridgestone it's completely the opposite so, if you want to avoid the understeer, you need to be more gentle on turn-in" Luca Baldisserri

That perception changed abruptly in Bahrain, where Massa scored an impressive win, and Raikkonen was some way behind in third. "Australia just stunned us all, I think," says his Aussie engineer Chris Dyer. "It was just such an easy weekend. And really you kind of know that that's not going to last. We came back down to earth with a bit of a thud in Malaysia, especially with Kimi struggling there with the engine, so he was pretty much fighting with one hand tied behind his back. And then Bahrain wasn't glorious."

That weekend at the Sakhir circuit had put a negative focus on Raikkonen, and it was evident that all was not well.

"The problems started more in qualifying, to be honest," says Ferrari engineering chief Luca Baldisserri, "because he was not able to put the lap time together. Even in Brazil he was still struggling a little bit. Then he had problems to understand all our systems, to understand the tyres. At that stage we were not fantastic in terms of starts, and we improved quite a lot.

"The Michelins were quite a bit different when you approached the corner and, in order to avoid understeer, you had to use the tyres in quite an aggressive way. With Bridgestone it's completely the opposite so, if you want to avoid the understeer, you need to be more gentle on turn-in. And that is what he learned. We did some tuning of the set-up, plus he adjusted his style."

That process was still being explored in Spain, the first of a run of four races during which Raikkonen was to earn just 10 points. At Barcelona he suffered a failure after just nine laps, the first retirement among any of the top runners to date.

Another Massa win confirmed that the Brazilian was on the ascendancy. "That was a pretty bad run," says Dyer. "Spain was an electrical problem - we would have been second or third. We probably wouldn't have beaten Felipe there, but I'm pretty sure it was an easy third, with a probable second."

Having been frustrated by the unreliability at McLaren, Raikkonen was hardly impressed. Keen to get home to Switzerland to watch the ice hockey world championship final on TV, he bailed out of the circuit early. The team had let him go of course, but it created the wrong impression at a bad time. Schumacher would never have done that, we observed. Indeed, that very day Schuey left the paddock three hours after the race - and he hadn't even been driving.

The former world champion was a regular presence at that stage of the season, and there's little doubt that Raikkonen was probably as confused as everyone else about his predecessor's exact role. The Finn clearly bristled at naive questions about how much Michael was helping him. After all, he didn't need any fatherly advice from Mika Hakkinen when he started at McLaren and, at that stage, he had just one year's F1 experience behind him.

Early in Q2 in Monaco, Raikkonen made his most costly mistake of the season, clipping the Swimming Pool barrier with the front right after the back had stepped out on him. A trackrod was broken and a wishbone cracked, and he demonstrated his bravery to the team by insisting he still wanted to go out, and would take responsibility. He was overruled, and forced to start 16th. In a race of low attrition, he made laboured progressed up to eighth.

"That was the mistake he made," says Robertson. "Until that point he was right there. I'd say Monaco was the turning point, despite the mistake. He felt he'd conquered it."

Dyer adds: "Monaco was a strange weekend, with an unforced error. He's been looking pretty good up to then, really comfortable all weekend, really happy with the car. A small mistake, and you pay the price.

"Obviously he was disappointed. We're all disappointed when we make mistakes. We're disappointed when the car breaks down on him, we're disappointed when we don't give him quite the right set-up, and he's disappointed when he doesn't do the job."

The pace of the McLarens was such that Raikkonen would probably have been racing for third in Monaco and there was a similar performance deficit in Canada. This time Raikkonen edged out Massa in qualifying, but he had another poor start, and made life difficult for himself by damaging his front wing on the Brazilian's rear tyre. Later he picked up some of Robert Kubica's crash debris, and he was also delayed by having to wait behind his team-mate at the first stops under the safety car. He eventually finished fifth, after what was outwardly another unconvincing performance. The team felt differently.

"To be honest we weren't that bad in Canada," says Dyer. "We had a dreadful start, and then we got screwed like everybody else by the safety car, so it was never going to be glorious. But the signs through the race were that things weren't as bad as they looked."

Indianapolis a week later was to be even better. It didn't look too promising when Raikkonen made yet another bad start and got stuck behind Nick Heidfeld and Heikki Kovalainen but, in the late stages, he showed impressive speed and set the fastest lap as he salvaged fourth, behind Massa.

"Canada and Indy weren't good results," admits Dyer. "But we would see signs we were making progress."

"The really great thing about Kimi is he suffers for about one hour, and then it's all behind him. It's simple philosophy - and I couldn't do it - which is to say, 'That's behind me now, I can't do anything about it. Let's go forward'" David Robertson

Steve Robertson agrees the US race was significant: "In all honesty, it really clicked at the race at Indianapolis. I think he found his feet there in terms of a car he really enjoyed, and was more to his liking. And from then on I don't think anyone can question the fact that Kimi has been the strongest driver. You can't argue with that."

Nevertheless, after Indy, Raikkonen was 26 points behind Hamilton, and at that stage there seemed to be little hope of stopping the McLaren steamroller. But then things began to swing in his favour. At Magny-Cours he qualified only third, but he got ahead of Hamilton at the start and then made the most of the pit strategy to leapfrog poleman Massa. It was a critical race in many ways, not least because it featured him getting the upper hand on his frustrated team-mate.

"We struggled a little bit earlier in the year with the starts," says Dyer. "And, since Magny-Cours, Kimi's starts have been spot-on. I don't think he's lost a place since then, and more often than not he's gained places. The guys have done a fantastic job with the rest of what's required for the start."

Another win seven days later at Silverstone suggested that Raikkonen might be gaining enough momentum for a title challenge, but Nurburgring was to change that. Significantly, he took his first pole since Melbourne, but then the first-lap rain created a lottery. Raikkonen made his life difficult by understeering out of the pit entry back onto the track, and had to run an extra lap on dry tyres.

Once things calmed down, he was destined for a useful helping of points when he suffered a hydraulic glitch, at the very same track where retirements had cost him two titles at McLaren. It was his second failure of the season - the only other DNF to that point among the top four was Massa's self-inflicted black flag at Montreal.

"It was really gutting for me," Dyer admits. "I'd seen him lose two championships before due to reliability, and it's always been one of our strong points. I was not very happy to think that maybe he was going to lose another one here to reliability."

Robertson says the man himself was unfazed: "The really great thing about Kimi is he suffers for about one hour, and then it's all behind him. It's simple philosophy - and I couldn't do it - which is to say, 'That's behind me now, I can't do anything about it. Let's go forward'."

The next three races featured some efficient points-gathering: an unexpectedly close second to Hamilton in Hungary, another second, to Massa, in Istanbul and a third at Monza on a day when McLaren humbled Ferrari at home.

Baldisserri thinks Raikkonen would have beaten Hamilton in Hungary had he not lost a crucial few seconds when he ran off the road: "He lost two seconds behind Hamilton that didn't allow us to change the strategy in the pitstop, which I think we could have done differently."

Then came Spa, where Raikkonen had won the previous two races for McLaren. He took his third (and final) pole of the season and put in a masterful performance that showed beyond all doubt he was on top of his game.

Top 10: Kimi Raikkonen’s greatest F1 races ranked

A season is fought over 17 races, of course, but arguably it was Fuji that ultimately won Raikkonen the title. After three laps, it looked like he was well out of the game after the team's ill-advised (and, as it turned out, illegal) decision to start on intermediate tyres.

"We took the decision that we took," says Baldisserri. "Until the mathematics put you out of the game, our team spirit is to try, and it was the right approach."

Helped by the safety car, but mostly by a largely unsung virtuoso performance that humbled his struggling team-mate, Raikkonen fought back to third place. He was still in the title picture, but... 17 points in two races?

The impossible dream became a little more likely in China, where he hustled his way past the struggling Hamilton - after keeping his tyres in better shape - and logged a superb wet/dry win. And then came Brazil, where there was only one target: a win, with Massa riding shotgun. Incredibly, all the cards fell into place, and Massa played his supporting role. With six wins to the four of each of the McLaren drivers, no one can deny Raikkonen's claim to the title.

"He did everything right when everybody else was spouting off and saying this or that. He just kept his head down, got on and delivered. That's why Ferrari got him, and I know they're thrilled that he managed to do it" David Robertson

"He's put in some fantastic drives this year," smiles Dyer. "He hasn't let us down, but we've let him down a few times. He's gone from strength to strength, the car's been good, and he hasn't really made any errors in the last two thirds of the season. He's cool and he's fast and he just gets on and does the job."

Robertson adds: "He really is a giant - the right man has won this. He did everything right when everybody else was spouting off and saying this or that. He just kept his head down, got on and delivered. That's why Ferrari got him, and I know they're thrilled that he managed to do it."

Baldisserri offers a fascinating footnote to the season: "Michael had input into the team; he was a lot closer to the team. Kimi has a completely different approach, and he tends to accept what we give to him. It's a lot more complicated for us to understand what he needs. With Michael it was a bit easier. And Kimi drove a very good car this year. Michael showed that even with a car that was not so competitive, he could win. With Kimi, I don't know yet."

Wt happened next?

While Raikkonen's talents have never been questioned, it is remarkable to note since his F1 title-clinching Brazilian GP triumph in 2007, he has gone on to claim a further six grand prix victories, the same total he achieved across his title-winning year.

Despite this, and with the exception of his two years out of F1 in 2010 and 2011, the Finn has never been far away from the sharp end of the F1 grid until his second departure from Ferrari in 2018 to move back to the Sauber-run Alfa Romeo squad.

Raikkonen continues to make F1 history through his longevity. After surpassing Rubens Barrichello's record tally at the 2020 Eifel GP, the Finn made his 341st start in last week's washout Belgian GP and assuming the current TBC 21 November date is filled will end his career on 351 race starts.

PLUS: Why the time is right for Raikkonen to hang up his F1 helmet

While Raikkonen may have never hit the heights of 2007 since, his record remains outstanding in F1 to cement his place as an all-time great.

[charlemange1]

Ranking adaptations of Victor Frankenstein from least to most evil

The character Victor Frankenstein has been adapted many times over the years. Sometimes he’s a heroic YA protagonist while others have him using his clone army to wipe out humanity and take over the world. But which Victor is truly the worse?

After reading several adaptations, I’ve decided to rank Victor’s morality in each one and find out! The gothic lit community doesn’t talk about these adaptations much, so hopefully this list can introduce the fandom to some of the lesser-known interpretations out there!

This is part one, which ranks printed retellings only. If people enjoy it, I’ll do a part two and merge the films into the mix!

Disclaimers (please read):

SPOILERS! Victor’s actions in these adaptations will be thoroughly analyzed with no regard for the spoiler tag.

Some of the more evil Victor’s get into dark territory, and while I will not go into extensive detail (lest I go insane) if mentions of abuse, sexual themes, possessive behavior and murder bother you, don’t make my mistake and turn back! (I will leave an additional reminder when said parts come up)

This list centers on Victor’s actions and NOT the quality of the books themselves—so if you see your favorite title getting a low score it’s not because it’s a bad book—it’s because Victor is a jerk.

This list is by no means complete, just the ones I’ve read personally.

These are my silly personal opinions and if you disagree with my ranking that’s perfectly fine!

Ranking: On a 1-10 scale, with 10 being fantastic and 0 being “run if you see this man in a dark alley.”

10/10 Perfect Sunbeam. Overall great, wholesome guy!

*crickets chirp in a serene backdrop of a Romantic field*

Good dude

Junji Ito’s Frankenstein: 8.5/10

Props to the master of manga monsters for making the twist be that Victor is not secretly evil/insane.

Not only does Victor pity the creature and agree to create a mate for him—but he keeps his word! This is especially touching when you consider how the creature treks alllllll the way to Switzerland to dig up Justine’s head as a face for the bride. (Henry says he probably didn’t know it was Justines, but come on, you just happened to pick up the head of the girl you framed and carried it for miles across land and sea to deliver it to Victor instead of stopping somewhere closer? I don't buy it.)

Victor even goes the extra mile, kindly stating:

Yet the bride rejects the creature (not Victor’s fault) and in revenge, the creature kills Henry, Elizabeth, and Alphonse. In retaliation, Victor follows him onto the ice and relates his tale to Walton before dying.

Victor's actions are nothing heroic, but what more could he have done? He didn’t break his promise and kill the bride like in the original novel and he clearly cared about reanimating “Justine” as shown in the above image.

And did I mention this manga was done by Junji Ito? Would YOU stay in the same room if you created a Junji Ito monster? Didn't think so! After the initial mistake of abandoning his monster, this Victor did the best he could to make amends and protect his family--making him an overall good person.

Decent guy

This Dark endeavor by Kenneth Oppel: 7/10

Serving as a prequel to the original novel, This Dark Endeavor tells the untold story of what leads young Victor Frankenstein to create his monster.

While Victor very much struggles with his angsty dark desires (bad), he tirelessly searches for the alchemic "Elixir of Life" to save his twin brother (good). A brother who is more talented than Victor, has the heart of his love interest, and Victor believes everyone prefers over himself.

Good on you, Victor, for letting the love for your brother override understandable sibling jealousy. If that wasn’t enough to make him decent, letting a few fingers be cut off to save his twin definitely does.

What brings Victor down to a 7 is his relationship with Elizabeth. It’s born out of jealousy from her loving his twin rather than genuine affection. Even if this retelling makes Elizabeth a feisty, pants-wearing independent female (to lessen the possessive undertones Victor exhibits, I presume? Read it and judge for yourself), the relationship does nothing positive for his character. Tricking someone into kissing you is a jerk move, bro.

Ok I guess….

Such Wicked Intent by Kenneth Oppel 6/10

The sequel to This Dark Endeavor loses Victor’s careful balance of good and bad traits its predecessor boasted. Victor wasn’t perfect in TDE, but the majority of his negative actions stemmed from trying to save his ill brother and were mostly forgivable. In Such Wicked Intent, his understandable sibling jealously now comes off as petty since Victor’s twin is already dead.

Victor trying to bring his brother back to life (good) is undermined by his growing reliance on supernatural butterflies that increase his abilities despite other characters pointing out the obvious danger. Victor is also not the greatest parent to Twin 2.0 and the previous issues with him and Elizabeth from book 1 don’t improve. He’s the same Victor from TDE, but the plot focusing on his selfish desires makes him more flawed as a result.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (the original novel): 6/10

Depending on how you interpret the events of the original novel, Victor is either a college Dad in over his head and trying his best after an initial mistake, or a misogynistic, irresponsible jerk only capable of thinking of himself. There are enough professional articles to support both interpretations, and I’m not the person to pick one over the other. 

However, if the narrative he tells Walton is to be taken as truth (and the creature not correcting Victor's account tells me it is), Victor spent most of the novel trying to fix his mistake (intentions may vary)—and isn’t too bad as a result.  

Pride and Prometheus by John Kessel: 5/10

Despite being a crossover with Pride and Prejudice, Kessel tries to be as faithful to the original Frankenstein as possible. However, the few changes he makes hurts Victor from a moral standpoint.

Victor’s not the greatest guy when handling the romantic gestures of both Mary Bennet and Henry. Also, murdering his creature's mate with poison right before they leave to start their happily ever after is awful, but understandable from his point of view.

Then there's P&P's ending, where Walton describes meeting Victor on the ice. It’s revealed that Victor left killing the creature's mate and the Bennet’s out of his narrative. While this is probably Kessel justifying why Jane Austen’s characters and his changes weren’t mentioned in the original text (and who can blame him?) it does make Victor a liar. In the original, the creature never called Victor out for omitting anything—so altering the story on his deathbed places P&P’s Victor a rung lower than his original counterpart.

Ehh….

Frankenstein According to Spike Milligan: 4/10

As a nearly-word-for-word retelling with minor, humorous changes by the comedian Spike Milligan, Victor is more pathetic than anything. He’s a harmless, pathetic, hilarious jerk.

Some quotes:

"I bounded along with feelings of unbridled joy and hilarity. From a great distance my family could see me bounding with unbridled joy and hilarity." (53)

*

"'I tell you,’ I said, ‘that murderer had his trousers down, was eating fish paste sandwiches and traveling 100 miles per hour.’" (59)

*

"‘I can offer you no consolation,’ said he.

‘Then piss off.’ said I." (54)

Here’s his jail visit with Justine in animatic form (and me shamelessly plugging my other creative endeavors)

Monster by Neal Bell 3.5/10

Warning: contains mentions of animal abuse

On one hand, Victor wants to conquer death to save his family and is clearly disturbed over Justine's and his mother’s death. However, the man expresses little concern at the possibility of William getting struck by lightning with his kite in front of his mother who had already lost 9 children.

He can also talk to dogs and cats (for…some reason?) who are portrayed as intelligent beings with feelings—yet that doesn’t stop him from eating said dogs in the Arctic and killing said cat after threatening her with a knife. He also flings around Bible verses while being painfully egotistical about “being God”.

Using Henry’s romantic affections toward him to his advantage, briefly forcing himself on Elizabeth, and tenderly caring for his monster only to abandon him after the creature expresses a want to die just makes him an awful person all around. The fact he doesn’t do these things with clear malicious intent saves him from being any lower.  

Quotes:

ELIZABETH: A bone. A brittle bit of skin. A tooth—

VICTOR: Would you not be womanish now?

Be useful. Here—hold the Leyden jar,

While I attach the string…

*

VICTOR: A satisfactory morning, then, Mister Puss—tormenting the dogs?

CAT: God gave me a duty. I fulfill it.

VICTOR: Papa says there is no God.

(He takes out a knife)

Pretty bad dude

WARNING: Please note that some of these Victors get into unsavory territory. If the mention of sexual themes/abuse/murder bothers you turn back:

The Casebook of Victor Frankenstein by Peter Ackroyd: 3/10

This one was tricky. The narrative chugs along with Victor being an intelligent, thoughtful guy with only a few obsessive tendencies. He’s chilling with the Shelleys, talking to the poor in the streets and financially supporting Fred’s family along with giving out generous tips. He’s a cool guy. He’s a great dude! He’s….revealed in the final 2 pages to be recounting everything from a mental asylum, the monster was in his head, and he’s actually the one that committed the murders.

Alrighty then.   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Having his insanity revealed in the final pages, it’s hard to judge whether there was genuine malicious intent or if Victor truly thought he created the creature and believed he was doing good in trying to “stop” it. No matter his intentions though, the body count remains and a child strangler has no place being anything higher than a 3.

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White: 1/10

We all knew this one would make the list. Elizabeth’s first flashback sets up Victor as having serious issues—the question becomes how low will he go? Turns out pretty low. 

He’s the one who killed William and framed Justine along with murdering his father, brother Robert and various people at Ingolstadt. 

What really makes him despicable is that Elizabeth is the novel's main POV character who only sticks with Victor so she’s not thrown out on the streets. He’s abusive, controlling, dominating, and so possessive that he’ll perfect reanimation so that not even death can take her away from him! Yikes. I can’t stress enough how being in Elizabeth’s POV makes these actions all the more menacing. 

Quote:

“There was never another path for you. Consider how much worse it has all been for me. How much I have had to suffer. And how much of that suffering has been caused directly by you!” His face twitched, and his fingers tightened on the pistol. Then he sighed. “It does not do to dwell on it. There is no point in fighting. This is your fate, Elizabeth Frankenstein. I will let no other claim you—not man, not death, not even God.” (279)

Nice guy.

Despite his terrible actions, Victor is trying to "save" Elizabeth from death. In his mind, he wants what’s best for her. It’s a crazy mind that mixed up domination and love, but the fact that his evil actions come from wanting to keep someone he wants to control cares about safe vs. other versions where his crimes stem from wanting to rival god and rule the world, this version isn’t THAT bad. At least his hearts in the right place—even if his mentality is utter garbage.

The Memoirs of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Theodore Roszak 0/10

*insert my screams of insurmountable anguish here*

Caroline: Hey son, you should do NSFW things.

Victor: Sure. I will now do NSFW things.

Victor: *proceeds to do NSFW things*

The reprint of this novel mentions on the cover it’s erotica, but the copy I bought (and to this day have not finished) had no such disclaimer. I’ll break my rule and speak on the quality of this book: there is none. For an alleged “pro-feminism” novel everyone is terrible—and Victor is no exception.

Literally Satan.

Dean Koontz’s Frankenstein Series: -∞/10

So you’ve read far enough to join me in Hell.

Where do even I start? This is a Victor who extended his life to the present day. Who worked with Hitler, Stalin, Castro and regretted the fall of the Third Reich. Who created an army of emotionally deprived “new race” creations to kill people and assume their identities so he could ascend the ranks of politics. Who, once he has enough of his new race integrated into society, desires to commit mass genocide on humanity and establish himself as supreme ruler of the world—only then can he conquer the cosmos as well because why the hell not?  

Oh, and he’s a wife-beater/murderer too! Which isn’t a problem, considering he can create a new wife whenever he sees fit (he was on Erika 5 by book 3). The sheer lack of any positive traits in this man is laughable. Koontz really, REALLY wants to get across that Victor is a bad guy.

And if you’re somehow not convinced by the above description, here are some quotes I pulled from the first 3 novels as a bonus to reeeeeally sell how despicable this clown is:

Regarding Elizabeth:

“Victor had not loved Elizabeth. Love and God were myths he rejected with equal contempt. But Elizabeth had belonged to him. Even after more than 200 years, he still bitterly resented the loss of her, as he would have resented losing an exquisite antique porcelain vase if [his creature] had smashed that instead of the bride,” (3.97). 

Regarding Mary Shelley:

“When Mary Shelley took a local legend based on truth and crafted fiction from it, she made Victor a tragic figure and killed him off. He understood her dramatic purpose for giving him a death scene, but he loathed her for portraying him as tragic and as a failure. Her judgment of his work was arrogant. What else of consequence did she ever write? And of the two, who was dead—and who was not?” (1.79-80)

(Author Note: For your information, Victor, The Last Man is considered by some to be the first dystopian novel)

His…ah…"friends”:

“Fire was featured in some of his less pleasant memories. The great windmill. The bombing of Dresden. The Israeli Mossad attack on the secret Venezuelan research complex that he had shared with Mengele in the years after World War Two. Nevertheless, he liked to read to the accompaniment of a cozy crackling fire,” (1.76).

*

“Victor admired Hitler. The Führer knew talent when he saw it.

In the 1930s and 40s, Victor had worked with Mengele and others in Hitler's privileged scientific class. He made considerable progress in his work before the regrettable allied victory…the problem with the Führer had been that his roots were in art and politics…The future did not belong either to artists or to politicians,” (2.24-25).

Dat ego tho:

“When I die, those cells will be capped descend a signal that will be relayed by satellite to everyone made of new race flesh, to every meat machine that walks. And you will fall down dead,’…Victor smiled, anticipating triumph in spite of their silence. ‘Did you think a God would die alone?’” (3.345).  

*

Civilization would not be remade or sustained by Christianity or by Islam. Neither by Scientologists nor by the bright-eyed adherence of the deliciously solipsistic paranoid new religion encouraged by The Da Vinci Code. Tomorrow belonged to scientism. The priests of scientism were not merely robed clerics performing rituals, they were gods, with the power of gods. Victor himself was their Messiah,” (2.25).

*

“With Victor's unstoppable drive for power, with his singular intellect, with his cold materialism and his ruthless practicality, and now with synchronicity on his side, he had become untouchable, immortal.

He was immortal,” (3.329).

*

“How they goggled at him, abashed by his wisdom and knowledge, mortified by their ignorance, over-awed by his godlike power,” (3.330). 

*

“’Murder,’ said the caller. ‘murder…excites me.’

Victor kept the growing concern out of his voice. ‘No, your mind is fine. I don't make mistakes.’” (1.156)

Oh yeah, he has a wife, doesn't he:

“This is why Victor requires …the cruel humiliation of his partner. He has long ago transcended the guilt that committing acts of cruelty might spawn in others...the exercise of raw power thrills him,” (1.244).

*

“I have given you a life…remember that. I have given you a life, and I will choose what you do with it,” (1.464).

Wives view of him:

“She owned literally hundreds of outfits. Having been created to his ideal measurements, Victor had purchased everything…She hoped that someday she would be allowed to shop for herself. When Victor allowed that, she would know she had at last met his standards and earned his trust. Briefly, she wondered what it would be like not to care what Victor—or anyone—thought of her. To be herself. Independent. Those were dangerous thoughts. She must repress them.” (1.107)    

*

And those are just the PG bits, he does much, much worse.

*

In conclusion:

So yes, Spike Milligan made Victor a pathetic jerk, Casebook made Victor a madman, Memoirs made him an erotic predator, Dark Descent had him as an abusive boyfriend ruthless in possessing “his Elizabeth”,  but nearly succeeding at worldwide genocide while abusing/murdering/manipulating people to achieve his goals makes Dean Koontz’s Victor Frankenstein the worse, more morally despicable Victor Frankenstein of them all. At least from what I’ve read.

Annnnd that’s it! If you want me to make a part 2 and add in the films/plays let me know! Hopefully at least one of these peeked your interest as something to check out during spooky season.

Shameless plug-in: here’s my own Frankenstein adaptation

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Bonus!

Ranking the books on how much I liked them personally!

Great:

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein: Nice to see Victor’s villainy stem from family relations and not ego and wanting to defy God for a change.

Junji Ito’s Frankenstein: Phenomenal artwork, fairly faithful adaptation, and the changes serve to put Victor in a better light—which I love! The master of manga monsters himself made the right choice in keeping the creature more monstrous in this version instead of focusing on his humanity.

This Dark Endeavor: Frankenstein characters go on a Harry Potter styled adventure. Need I say more?

Average:

Such Wicked Intent: Victor’s character takes a dip, and pit monsters/life-absorbing butterflies don’t quite fit in a Frankenstein prequel.

Frankenstein According to Spike Milligan: It’s a silly, stupid comedy. Got a few chuckles out of me.

Pride and Prometheus: The concept works way better than it should. However, it follows the original text to a fault and can be boring at points. 

Bad:

Warning: contains mentions of suicide 

Monster: Victor’s character was far too inconsistent to be likable. He can talk to animals why, exactly?

Casebook of Victor Frankenstein: So, Victor is revealed to be crazy in the final 3 pages? So, the monster was in his head? Alright. But other characters throughout the book SAW the monster and described him like Victor did. So, there’s no way to separate Victor’s POV from reality and that kills the reread value and makes this a waste of time. Don’t get me wrong, the creature being symbolic for Victor’s inner demons is a fascinating direction if done well—and I recommend the essay “Frankenstein: The Man and the Monster” by Arthur Belefant if you want a much shorter exploration of this concept. It’s not perfect, but beats Casebook by a longshot!

Also, taking the real-life suicide of Percy’s wife Harriet and turning it into Victor murdering her and framing it on someone else to mimic Frankenstein’s Justine/William scene is just wrong. You made a woman’s suicide a cheap plot point in your fanfic of the mistress’s novel. That is what you did, author.

Dean Koontz Frankenstein: It starts out good and has great suspense—too bad the actual plot is awful. Victor’s so painfully evil it comes off as comical, the characters are bad/bland, plot holes abound (they state Mary Shelley’s novel is canon, then mention the windmill which was only in the films—so who even IS this Victor? Book or film?). The conclusion in book 3 is one of the most underwhelming finals I’ve ever read, and the creature “cures” a kid of Autism in the final chapter. No really. How this is a book series/comic series/movie is beyond me.

So atrocious I couldn’t bring myself to finish:

Warning: contains mentions of sexual themes

The Memoirs of Elizabeth Frankenstein: It claims to be pro-feminist, but the women “good guys” blatantly state they are grooming children for sexual rituals and Victor and Elizabeth are coerced into doing NSFW things by Victor’s mother in the name of “women’s rights”. Here’s the kicker: these awful actions are framed as being positive. I—a woman—loath this novel. Maybe things got better by the end (and if there was some plot twist that changed the entire setup, I apologize for ranting about nothing) but I’m not reading to that point to find out! This will forever stay both my first and last experience with erotic literature. Thank goodness The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein exists to give us a decent feminist take on Frankenstein!

[jockcoded]

Olympic WoHo Newsletter 2/11

Hopefully, we’re actually back on schedule now. We’re two games into the quarterfinals, and two spots in the semifinals remain. Czechia and Sweden are out of the tournament, leaving Japan as the only Group B team remaining - whose fate is to be decided at 3:40 AM tomorrow. 

NEWS

Katie Strang reported earlier today that USA Hockey has been reported to Congress for potential interference in US Center for SafeSport investigation, and you can find the article here. Not necessarily Olympic news, but important.

While it’s been assumed, this article from USA Hockey officially confirms 2018 gold medalist Emily Pfalzer Matheson’s retirement. 

Game recaps below the cut, as always, and you can find the link to our previews there as well.

GAME RECAPS

USA [4], CZE [1]: Czechia falls to USA in their first Olympics, while USA was the first team to move on to the semifinals. The relatively close score was almost entirely due to Czech goalie Klara Peslarova’s heroics, only letting in 3 goals—the 4th coming on an empty net in the dying seconds of the game. The final shots read 59-6 in favor of USA, but Peslarova kept it tied at 1-1 until 6:49 into the 3rd, keeping the Czechs in the game. USA struggled all around, from not being able to convert on many of their chances to Dani Cameranesi’s 5 min major (and subsequent ejection) for boarding. Michaela Pejzlova scored first for Czechia, before the 4 unanswered from Knight, Stecklein (GWG), Harmon, and Coyne-Schofield (EN). Full game details via the IIHF here.

CAN [11], SWE [0]: Canada will be the second team moving onto the semifinals, with the blowout win many anticipated, with a full 60 minutes of dominance. After Brianne Jenner’s early tally, Sweden was able to keep the score at  1-0 through 18 min of play, before Sarah Fillier continued her impressive Olympic debut and scored on the PP to make it 2-0, then adding another just 36 seconds later. On the PP again, Rattray added another to close out the 1st. Canada topped their 4 goal 1st with 5 in the 2nd, including Emily Clark’s first goal of the tournament on the PP. Sweden would pull goaltender Emma Soderberg for 18 year old Ida Boman, who held off the Canadians for more than half of the 3rd before Jenner completed her hat trick, soon followed by Fillier recording her own. Full game details via the IIHF here.

QUARTERFINAL PREVIEWS

You can find the previews for the next two games, Russia vs Sweden + Finland vs Japan, in yesterday’s newsletter.

SCHEDULE

2/11 11:10 P.M. Russia vs Switzerland (A4 v A5)

2/12 3:40 A.M. Finland vs Japan (A3 v B1)

[ladylooch]

Going Home with You- Timo Meier

A/N: Just cause I love these two and Timo had a great game today and I know exactly how these two spent the rest of their day 🥰

Word Count: 1.7k

Inside the group of Devils WAGS, Emma stands beside Kristen Haula, looking down at the newest addition to their family. The baby is in its holder, snuggles up into Kristen’s chest. Emma can’t help but steal glances at the little bundle every so often. Every time Emma sees a baby, she tries to wrap her head around the fact that there is one of those inside of her. It hasn’t quite computed. Maybe it will at their 19 week appointment next week when they get to see the baby again. 

Emma and Timo have told the team and most of their important  friends and family members now. It is starting to get real. As real as the baby yawning next to her while gripping its own fingers tightly. A smile tilts the corner of Emma’s mouth up seeing the baby’s little mouth stretch in a yawn again. 

“Very cute.” Emma murmurs when Kristen catches her looking.

“So cute. Makes all of pregnancy worth it.”

“I hope so.” Emma sighs, thinking back to those rough weeks in the first trimester when her body felt like it was revolting against her. “I am feeling better now.” Emma shrugs. “But my back is really killing me.”

As if on cue, her lower back tightens up and she leans forward, trying to stretch it out. A hand glides along her back, thick fingers beginning to dig into her reoccurring pain spot. Emma turns, looking over her shoulder to see Timo.

“Hi!” She smiles, wrapping her arms around his neck. He played so great today. She has been itching to get him into a hug since he scored early in the second period.

Timo chases her lips as she tries to press her nose into his shoulder. She tilts her head back, capturing his full mouth. His tongue is gliding along the seam of her mouth as his hands press her tighter into his body. Her bump prevents her from getting any closer. She feels pressure and rumbling where her bump pressed into Timo’s stomach. She contemplates, but ultimately unsure if that is the baby or the popcorn she couldn’t stop eating during the second intermission. When her and Timo separate, she is breathless.

“Wow, yeah.” She flutters her eyes closed, feeling blushy and giddy. “Hi.”

“Hi babe.” Timo murmurs. He pecks her one more time, then focuses his hands on her lower back. Emma grips the lapels of his suit as he rubs his fingers in. It feels incredible. She bites her lip to not let out a pregnancy soaked moan. His thumbs rub stretched circles into the back of her hip bones. She rests her forehead on his sternum and he kisses the top of her head. “Do you want to wait for Nico?”

“I should. He scored too.” Emma murmurs. “You guys kept me up and moving today.” Timo chuckles.

“That’s good, after you fell asleep during the Rangers game Thursday.”

“Look, I was tired. I didn’t get my nap in like you. Some of us are working weird hours to help support their business in Switzerland.” 

“This is true. My babies work so hard.” Timo nods, patting her bump. “Nico should be out in a minute. He was right behind me.”

Nico does indeed come sauntering out, hands in his pockets. He offers a hug to his sister and modestly accepts her excitement about his goal. Other than being with Timo, the best part of being in Jersey for Emma is getting to see Nico play consistently. The way this team ignites under his leadership gives Emma chills every night. Together, the three of them head out to the parking ramp. Lexi is working OT at the hospital and won’t be home until after 10:00pm tonight. Nico is going to the store to have dinner ready for her when she arrives. While Nico stops to take pictures and sign autographs for fans, Timo and Emma head home to their apartment. 

Once they are there, they order some pork belly ramen and plan to continue their quest of watching all the Marvel movies together on Disney+. Next up is Captain America: Winter Solider. Curled up under a blanket with Timo Meier is the only place in the world Emma wants to be. She can barely watch the movie because she is so focused on how good Timo’s body feels resting against her. Her pregnant body begins swirling with hormones, inducing thoughts of saddling up right here and giving him his reward now rather than waiting for the end of the night.

Her cheek perches on his pec. Her gaze drags off the TV to the tie of his sweatpants. Her hand moves down from where it was wrapped around his back, gliding along those ties and pulling them apart. Timo’s head turns away from the TV, lips ghosting over her head, watching her hand slide into the waistband of his cotton pants. Her palm glides down his shaft as it thickens in her grasp. She pumps him a few times, squeezing as she does so. Timo’s hand on her hip slides down the back of her yoga pants, gripping her bare ass.

It isn’t long before their pants are gone, shirts still on, as Emma bounces up and down on Timo’s cock. Her head falls back towards the ceiling, nipples pebbling against his callused palms as he holds her swollen breasts under her shirt. Emma is loud as she comes, stretched and used by his powerful body tonight.

“Ah.” Timo grimaces when her last wave releases them both. Emma steadies herself with her hands on his abdomen. “That hurt my ass a bit.”

Emma tilts her head to the side, looking utterly fucked out, not comprehending the issue.

“Hm?” 

“My butt hurts from the shot I blocked.” 

“Oh.” She rushes trying to get off him. Timo grips her hips tightly.

“No, no, no.” He murmurs, then drifts his eyes down to her belly. She looks so obviously pregnant right now with their baby. It stirs him inside her even as he just filled her up. “Wanna look at you like this some more.” So there she stays, until she absolutely cannot avoid getting off him to go to the bathroom. 

Timo is in bed when she is done. She comes out of the bathroom, smiling at the new panties and pajama pants he has waiting for her on her side of the bed. She slides them on, then gets into bed with him. She curls into his side, ignoring the pregnancy pillow that she itches to wrap around and under her too. She will eventually, but right now she wants to feel all of him against her. Timo rolls onto his side as she maneuvers a leg through both of his. Her socked feet tangle with his in the middle of their California King. 

“How is your butt now?” 

“It’s sore. Gonna have a sick bruise. Probably already do.”

“You think?” Emma murmurs. She shifts up, looking over his back and pulling his sweatpants and underwear down. He has a definitive reddish and purple mark from the puck. Emma cringes then leans forward and puts her lips on his butt cheek, kissing him softly. Timo’s ass tightens in surprise under her mouth.

“Whew, damn, babe. Warn a dude before we start doing butt stuff.” He jokes as she rolls back into her previous position after replacing his clothes. His palm slides across her bump immediately, settling in for his nightly hold of their child. 

“I hope you cleaned that cheek good in the shower.”

“Scrubbed it hard.” He murmurs, eyes shut. Emma leans forward, kissing his chin, then along his jaw until he starts kissing her neck. He sucks her skin in, rolling it over in his mouth. “How is your back?”

“I can’t do another round. Gave you everything I got.”

“Mmm, okay.” He agrees, halting his nibbling of her neck. He lays his head back on the pillow, scanning her face. “I am already missing you.” He confesses, speaking about his upcoming West Coast road trip. It’s about a week, but will drag on due to the large time difference. 

“How are you feeling about San Jose on Tuesday?”

“Um…” He trails off, running a finger along her chest, over the swells of her full breasts. “Weird?” He furrows his eyebrows. “Like I’m excited to go back but also a bit nervous.”

“I’m sure the fans will welcome you back. They loved having you there for so long. You grew up there.”

“Yeah.” He sighs, looking lost in thought.

“But coming here was a good move for you.”

“For us….” He smiles then leans forward to kiss her.

“Us? What, you’re finally going to admit you picked Jersey for me?” Emma murmurs.

“Yeah, babe. Of course I did.” He strokes her hair. “Did I think this is where we would be a year after my trade? No.”

“How disappointing…?” Emma trails off, looking at the red spot on his neck where his shoulder pads rub at him. She leans forward, kissing the irritated skin. 

“How lucky.” He corrects her. “This is everything, Em. Means nothing without you now.” He pauses. "I used to... imagine... in San Jose that one day, you would be waiting for me there after the game to go home with." He breathes in deeply. "But you never were. And I think that stung a few times last year, but it's because we were meant to have this instead. This life." He presses into the baby harder. "I love you so much, Em."

A smile curls along Emma’s lips as tender tears build in her eyes. She sighs happily, pressing her forehead against the heartbeat in his thick neck. Timo strokes his fingers over her back, resting his nose in her hair. Emma runs her hands under Timo’s t-shirt to cup the bare skin of his muscular back.

“I love you, babe. I loved our day too.” Emma whispers.

“Me too, baby. Good night.” 

Read more Timo and Emma here.

[the-necessary-unnecessary]

My top 7 Arsenal wfc players, aka the whole team because they're all my children and you can't chose between children

(And they're not many more than seven anyways)

Beth Mead: a wizard on the wong and the original crot queen. She may not have had the best season this year but shes still managed to play an important part in the team and has conquered many hearts in the process. If she has to retire early because of all the hits she receives during matches then she's got a bright future ahead of her as a cringey tiktok star or, if that fails, a career as a HSM impersonator on cruise ships

Cailtin Foord: there were mixed opinions when she was first announced as a new signing, but she almost immediately became one more member of the arsenal family amongst players and supporters alike. Before Covid struck shes already stamped her mark on the club with her skill and made her way onto the scoresheet, and now shes also made her way into Lia's house and infected the squad with the chaotic tiktok bug

Dan Carter: literally a gooner through and through having played for arsenal for practically all her life and pulling through in the big moments. Heartbreak and injury have been her middle names for over the past year having sustained two ACL injuries in 14 months. Even if she hasnt had as much of an impact on the pitch shes still been a large part of injury fc, with her and her diary always being a source of sarcasm and banter through it all.

Danielle Van De Donk: she probably described herself best when she said she was a feisty puppy who wants to ball. A woman who takes no prisoners during matches, opponents refs and the back of nets all fear her. Off the pitch though shes a real softie who radiates chaotic energy and yet has developed over the years into quite the leader (even if she still follows beth around on her tiktok adventures)

Jennifer Beattie: a friendly giant who quietly puts in all the work at the back, being an absolute unit as a last line of defense which was sorely missed during her injury. She came back from City because arsenal is home and that's beautiful. Talking about beautiful, her and Chloe. That's it, nothing more needs to be elaborated on. Pretty underrated although shes been getting more attention lately, she makes Kim company as the quiet Scottish duo who are lethal on the pitch

Jill Roord: despite her love hate relationship with goal posts, shes still made her mark at arsenal this year especially thanks to the fact that she has remained injury free this year (dont worry I touched wood when I typed that) and hopefully next year when shes settled in even more to the team and the league then she'll be able to show what she's truly made of. That is, if she lasts that long before the team kick her out for being too annoying. A woman who likes the two extremes, Frozen and Olaf as well as blonde tattooed players and famous thirst traps, she epitomises this soft yet hard personality dichotomy too

Jordan Nobbs: calm, composed, skillful, professional, dynamic and with the capacity of being able to astutely read the game, she's the personification of arsenal in a player. Having been at the club for a whole decade now she's practically lived it all and yet she continues on hungry for better and more. With the way she acts on the pitch you would never guess her forgetful, dorky, awkward nature off it. The woman with both the longest nando's order ever and the shortest attention span.

Katie McCabe: the Irish devil, the arsenal player founder of the tucked in shirt, member of the love to hate her girlfriend club. Her almost permanent move to left back this season has reaped bountiful benefits for her, a flexible player who always finds freedom on the wing shes proved herself as lethal as both a defender and a finisher. In Jordan's words, she talks about her biceps all the time, but so would I if I was that stacked. That being said, Ruesha always finds a way to beat her which is probably payback for her scoring against West Ham in the cup

Katrine Veje: another player lost to injury this season, although lockdown has treated her well (that makes one of us) and she's apparently fully fit again. Shes been sorely missed as a fullback for most of her season, her explosiveness and crosses in particular. As it is shes used her time to get in some spectacular photoshoots and just be and just be a source of clownery as a veteran at injury fc

Kim Little: as silent as Kim and as deadly as Kim should be new british sayings at this point. Quick on her feet with nerves of steel shes an impressive player to watch and is sometimes the glue in the midfield that keeps arsenal together. Her professionalism both on and off the pitch is as big as her dislike of cameras

Leah Williamson: the face of arsenal and not because of her looks, rather because of her insane talent and her embodiment of all things arsenal. From the moment she was born arsenal was pumping through her veins. One of the best up and coming CBs with long range passes for days she has been a crucial part of the arsenal squad for so long you forget she's just 23. What she lacks in some of her fashion choices she makes up in her bright and nerdy personality and her never ending stream of insults directed at Jordan

Leonie Maier: she recently said that she has never regretted the decision to move to arsenal and that has been because shes been able to shine in defense mainly alongside Leah, each playing off each other's strengths and developing herself as a player in a new league which is never an easy transition. Dont let her banana bread making trick you into thinking shes the mum in the group, shes proved herself to be as chaotic as the rest of them.

Lia Walti: arguably the best thing to come out of Switzerland since toblerone (much better than swiss cheese though). Like a lot of arsenal players, it sometimes seems like she would be better off playing in bubble wrap so she wouldnt sustain as many injuries. She's an intelligent player, one of the best qualities to have as a midfielder, with skill coming out of her ears and unfulfilled potential still to come. Her sunshine-like looks can be deceiving though because she leaves her brain cells in the changing room, as is becoming an arsenal tradition.

Lisa Evans: another alround players who, as a winger-cum-fullback, has thrived in her position this year. Her defensive position yet forward thinking mentality has proved deadly and when shes been given space to roam the wing too shes provided goals and assists a plenty. Her unpredictability on the pitch translates into her chaotic tendencies off it and a love for the arsenal anthem “we've got McCabe, Katie McCabe”. Sometimes she likes to pretend that she's a seal (exhibit A attached below)

Louise Quinn: it would be stereotypical to say that it's natural that shes so good at headers due to her height, but stereotypes exist for a reason and her tower-like build makes her a match for any Millie Bright in the heading department. She's a consistent, sturdy player who is great at starting up play from the back in many cases providing that vital first past (sometimes with her head because she's tall). Her pastimes include drinking a lot of coffee, understandable that she needs to refuel considering her height, and making fun on her teammates so that they dont make fun of her accent and her 183 cm length. Have I mentioned that she's tall?

Manuela Zinsberger: an extremely talented goalkeeper although sometimes people can excusably confuse her with being arsenal's eleventh outfield player. Another bayern recruit she's been key this season making some great saves and causing a few heart attacks in the process (west ham's penalty box free kick anyone?). She may look tough but she's just as much a clown as the rest of them

Pauline Peyraud-Magnin: the second proud member of the goalkeepers union. Shes not called the Hulk for no reason, racking up some great saves and skills with her feet even as Joe's second choice. What she lacks in command of the english language she makes up in utter chaos including hand gestures, shouting and eratic dancing, well as staging photoshoots at arsenal's gym.

Viki Schnaderbeck: shes been able to mostly avoid injury fc this season after a long stint there last year and her hardwork has paid off to establish her as a mainstay here as a skilled defensive player. Shes been loud and proud recently on social media and I am loudly and proudly here to support it

Vivianne Miedema: in Katie's own words “the goat”. Absolutely lethal as a center-forward, calm collected and composed in front of the goal, and also crucial in providing build up play and assists. She can both hold off opponents and reach an unmatched maximum speed with surprising ambidexterity and complete nonchalantness. The only player who is actively lazy and is able to get away with it. She puts up with a lot of chaos but is not unknown to add to it too, mainly providing subtle humor and sarcastic wit. Not a personality for the faint hearted.

[maticide666]

my eurovision top 39 songs (finally)

anyway i finally got my top 39 completed. under a read more because it can get kinda long with the commentary i added klfdja;sflk (and by that i mean VERY long, maybe a wall of text if i have a lot to say about the song.)

none of this takes rehearsals into account.

basically, 39-37 i don't like, 36-35 are meh, 34-25 are decent, 24-18 are good, 17-12 i enjoy listening to a lot, 11-4 i love, and I would pay for votes for top 3 if i could.

39. Azerbaijan - Efendi - Mata Hari - Honestly, I kinda want to like this song. The instrumentation is nice, especially with the Azeri instruments. Efendi's vocals are ok during the verses. However, her vocals during the MA-MA-MA-MATA HARI part makes this song utterly unlistenable for me. It is just so distracting and ear-grating. Not great for my sensitive ears. And that is without taking anything else into account.

38. Estonia - Uku Suviste - The Lucky One - For some reason reminds me of a boring modern country song. Bland af. At least the melody of the chorus is nice.

37. Cyprus - Elena Tsagrinou - El Diablo - Discount Lady Gaga at the best points of this song. Feels like three songs at once. Also, the lyrics seem like they just went all "What Spanish-sounding words sound spicy? Taco? Tamale? Mamacita?" As a Spanish speaker and as someone of Mexican descent who enjoys those foods, this annoys the living shit out of me. At least I can make El Diablo/Fallen Angel memes out of this. (Honestly, I don't mind the gratuitous Spanish with the words El Diablo.) Also, this song got real old real quick.

36. Slovenia - Ana Soklič - Amen - The gospel vibe is nice, but there is just too much Christianity in it for me to enjoy this song. Sorry, Ana.

35. Moldova - Natalia Gordienko - Sugar - Sounds like a sugary version of Siren Song by MARUV. Kinda boring, but enjoyable in the right circumstances.

34. Georgia - Tornike Kipiani - You - Good to listen to when mind feels blank. At first I kinda liked this song, but nowadays this song has lost its charm. This won't sound out of place alongside boring 70s slow classic rock songs.

33. Austria - Vincent Bueno - Amen - Not something I would listen to regularly, but still nice. For me, easily the biggest downgrade from 2020.

32. Greece - Stefania - Last Dance - Pleasant to listen to, not much else.

31. Portugal - The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side - Good song, but not my cup of tea. Unfortunately, some great songs have to be near the bottom of my ranking.

30. Germany - Jendrik - I Don't Feel Hate - A fun song to listen to. The novelty wears off after a while. The feel good vibes and ukulele are nice.

29. Israel - Eden Alene - Set Me Free - the song release version was bland and boring, but the revamp. Now THAT is good stuff. The song doesn't seem so empty anymore. I miss the key change from the original, though.

28. Spain - Blas Cantó - Voy A Quedarme - A very emotional and beautiful song from Spain. Again, not usually my cup of tea. However, the melody somehow gives me a nostalgic vibe.

27. North Macedonia - Vasil - Here I Stand - DAMN Vasil has a lovely voice. Nice that he's showing it off here. Too slow of a song for me to enjoy regularly, though.

26. Albania - Anxhela Peristeri - Karma - I don't have much to say other than this song is nice.

25. Bulgaria - VICTORIA - Growing Up Is Getting Old - Pleasant to listen to, but depending on my mood I think this is a beautiful song but not my cup of tea or a complete snoozefest.

24. Serbia - Hurricane - Loco Loco - Fun song, but it feels like something is lacking, and I can't quite put my finger on it.

23. San Marino - Senhit - Adrenalina - Once the initial hype from Flo Rida being on the song died down, this became another typical Eurovision bop.

22. Sweden - Tusse - Voices - At first I thought the song was completely unremarkable and couldn't understand how this won Melodifestivalen. Nowadays it's a nice song to chill to. I gotta respect a perfect televote score from the national final.

21. Ireland - Lesley Roy - MAPS - nice.

20. Croatia - Albina - Tick Tock - Grew on me slightly. Shoutout for including a verse in Croatian.

19. Switzerland - Gjon's Tears - Tout l'Univers - Another grower for me. Doesn't hit as hard as his song from last year, but I dig it.

18. France - Barbara Pravi - Voilà - Lovely chanson right here. I wish it didn't take forever to pick up, though. I was about to completely give up on this song in the middle of my first listen. I'm glad I didn't.

17. Belgium - Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place - Classy. Not much else to say.

16. Ukraine - Go-A - Shum - I'd definitely go rave to this song. I kept finding this song hard to rank due to the white voice. I couldn't decide if I absolutely adored it or if I found it grating. Maybe I just wasn't feeling well when I first thought about it.

15. Lithuania - The Roop - Discoteque - Lots of fun, doesn't have the charm that On Fire had last year. I would dance to this song.

14. Poland - RAFAŁ - The Ride - I actually kinda like this song???? Even with Rafal's vocals??? I know he has political controversies, but I can't help but think this song is nice. A better, less controversial singer would benefit this song, though. I'm not counting the revamp just yet since it was released too recently.

13. Latvia - Samanta Tīna - The Moon Is Rising - This song gives me nostalgic mid to late 2000s hip hop vibes. The guitars in this song are lovely.

12. Romania - ROXEN - Amnesia - Definitely something that can put me in a trance if I'm in the right mood.

11. Czechia - Benny Cristo - omaga - Nice, catchy, I would dance to this.

10. Malta - Destiny - Je Me Casse - Damn, Destiny has a lovely voice! And the song itself is wonderful. I'm not a fan of the amount of Swedish talent being used instead of Maltese talent, but I really do enjoy listening to this.

9. Denmark - Fyr og Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden - another really fun song! This really grew on me. Nowadays if I want to listen to a Eurovision song, this is one of the first songs I think of.

8. The Netherlands - Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age - I can vibe with this. You can hear the passion in this song. I wish I could let my body do the talking right now, but y'all can't see that with just a tumblr text post.

7. Russia - Manizha - Russian Woman - I was NOT expecting this to come out of Russia when it won the national final. I wasn't expecting to like this either. The message is great, the instrumental is great, everything about this is brilliant.

6. United Kingdom - James Newman - Embers - A funky song. I LOVE James's voice. Massive upgrade from last year in my opinion. I'm a sucker for brass in an upbeat song. Unfortunately, I have had the staging kinda spoiled and I am VERY skeptical about this coming out of bottom five. I'm done with the BBC.

5. Australia - Montaigne - Technicolour - There is a Lot happening in this song and I am all in for it. I'm kinda terrible at parsing lyrics, but it's a non-issue when I can follow Montaigne's voice and forget about the lyrics. Ironically enough, it's Montaigne's voice that also worries me this Eurovision season - mostly whether she was able to pull off her live on tape performance off.

4. Iceland - Daði og Gagnamagnið - 10 Years - I didn't think Daði could pull it off against this year, but he did it. I like this just a little more than Think About Things, which was my favorite song last year. I'm still a little gutted that this pandemic robbed him of a probable victory, but I've made peace with it. I still need to learn the dance moves, though.

3. Italy - Måneskin - Zitti E Buoni - FUCK YEAH A KICKASS ROCK SONG IN EUROVISION! This song gave me massive rock en español vibes on my fist listen, and honestly this is something I would bang my head to if I had the same body I did when I was 15.

2. Norway - TIX - Fallen Angel - I was not expecting to like this song much, let alone becoming THIS obsessed with TIX. In fact, he wasn't even on my radar for winning MGP. I listened to Ut Av Mørket for the first time and thought something like 'this is boring af, but at least it's in Norwegian'. And then he changed it to English, which I wasn't a fan of at first. And then one day the lyrics clicked - especially with my own struggles with mental illness. To this day this is one of only two Eurovision songs to actually make me cry. Even now he still isn't my MGP winner (that honor goes to JORN), but he has definitely won my heart.

1. Finland - Blind Channel - Dark Side - To say that this song kicks ass would be an understatement for me. This song has just the right mix of rock, pop, and even metal. Ever since I found out that this song would be in the national final, I knew that it would be my favorite this whole Eurovision season regardless of who won UMK. Yes, my jaw dropped when I saw the lead Blind Channel had in UMK. I literally cancelled my plans to watch the MGP final live because of these guys. I am not disappointed. Even Måneskin couldn't bring these guys down in my ranking. And while the lyrics might be a bit iffy, they did get me through rough times. I hope these guys are able to bring rock music back like they want to. But for now, I will give them my (useless tbh) douze points.

[sgmwesters]

╰ ❛ 💉 — › michael b jordan. cis male. he/him. . ╯ have you met benjamin morgan yet ? this thirty five year old sagittarius has been living in the seattle area for three days. he makes a living as an otolaryngology (ent) attending, which is best suited for their protective, empathetic, conflicted, and irrational personality. take me to church by hozier is one of their favorite songs, and they’re written by em, 25, gmt, she/her, no triggers

B A S I C   I N F O R M A T I O N

full name: benjamin joseph morgan.

nickname(s): ben, bj in college.

age: thirty four (34).

date of birth: 26 november 1985, sagittarius.

hometown: manhattan, new york.

current location: seattle, washington.

ethnicity: african-american..

nationality: american citizen.

gender: cis male.

pronouns: he/him.

orientation: ??? idek why i even include this at this point???

religion: atheist.

political affiliation: democrat.

occupation: otolaryngology (ent) attending.

living arrangements: lives alone.

language(s) spoken: english, german.

accent: none.

P H Y S I C A L    A P P E A R A N C E

face claim: michael b. jordan.

hair color: black.

eye color: brown.

height: 6 ft 1.

weight: 188lbs.

build: athletic.

tattoos: none.

piercings: none.

clothing style: scrubs, smart casual otherwise.

usual expression: fairly stern, but he’s a softy deeeeeeep down.

distinguishing characteristics: dimples.

H E A L T H

physical ailments: torn rotator cuff in high school has left his shoulder somewhat fucked.

neurological conditions: none.

allergies: bee and wasp stings.

sleeping habits: fairly good sleep hygiene, sleeps well provided nothing is bothering him (maddie).

eating habits: usually fairly healthy, likes to look after himself.

exercise habits: as above, likes to look after himself.

emotional stability: sits happily at a seven, but has been known to dip in times of stress or emotional turmoil.

sociability: very sociable, likes to be around people.

body temperature: warm.

addictions: none.

drug use: none and is very against its use.

alcohol use: enjoys a drink, but doesn’t need it.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

positive traits: protective, empathetic

negative traits: conflicted, irrational

fears: not being able to keep maddie safe and healthy.

F A V O U R I T E S

weather: is indifferent about the weather.

colour: navy.

music: something with a heavy beat.

movies: the godfather.

sport: boxing.

beverage: fruit smoothie, bourbon.

food: hot dogs.

animal: anything small, soft, and fluffy.

H E A D C A N O N S

benjamin was born as the only child to regina and david morgan, a museum curator and ceo respectively in manhattan.

benjamin was raised in close proximity to his cousin madeleine spencer, to the extent where benjamin considers maddie to be more like a sibling to him than a cousin. this came from both of their parents busy schedules and similar lifestyles which led him to be brought up in this manner.

benjamin would like to think that his parents were happily married, but it was only as he got older that he realised the family set up that he had grown up with as a child wasn’t the same as everyone else’s. nevertheless, he figured that it worked for them as it was, and he still considers himself to have had a good childhood.

spending as much time in the spencer household as he did, benjamin sparked a genuine interest in medicine, looking up to his uncle, madeleine’s father, as a role model and idol for his future career in medicine.

benjamin was athletic in school, actively taking part in boxing and baseball. he hoped from early on in high school that he would be able to get into a good school on a baseball scholarship so he wouldn’t need to focus as hard on his studies, but a torn rotator cuff in his sophomore year quickly killed that dream, and he came to the quick conclusion that he had to get his head in the books.

as much as he would hate to admit it, he knew that his parents pulled a few strings when it came to his offers for college, but the decision ultimately came down to him. during this time he had watched madeleine begin to spiral out of control, the concern for his cousin and arguably best friend only growing with each day that passed.

it was during this time that benjamin turned down the offer from harvard that his father had swindled for him, choosing instead to stay closer to the city in order to be nearby while madeleine got the help she had promised her parents she would get.

he was thankful for this decision as the realisation that she hadn’t been getting help came about following amelia shepherd’s overdose. while madeleine was in rehab, benjamin made a point of visiting her as much as he could, skipping classes if he needed to to make sure that she felt supported. she was basically his kid sister after all.

as madeleine got clean, benjamin took the mcats, scoring high enough to be accepted into john’s hopkins off his own back this time. as madeleine was seemingly doing well, benjamin decided to move that little bit further out, knowing he would be close enough if she needed him to return.

it was during this time that the two established their bi-weekly phone calls, no excuses allowed, his way of keeping an eye on her completely.

benjamin moved that little bit further for his residency to mayo, just as madeleine moved to switzerland for her masters. it made sense, he was happy for her and continued to adjust his schedule to make sure their phone calls went ahead as they needed to, suiting her schedule over his.he would often stay awake until the early hours of the morning just to speak to her.

his residency was fairly smooth sailing, despite a period of switching between services as he was indecisive about what specialty he was going to go into. he had always had his heart set on cardio like his uncle, but it only took one case with the ent attending to have him hooked.

as he came to the end of his fellowship, he debated the idea of having a second specialty (he’s a bit of a show off like that), but a nagging feeling inside of him told him something more important was coming.

his calls with madeleine weren’t like they used to be, years of regularity and consistency seemed to be falling apart, with nothing that he could do from where he was. he wanted to believe that this was part of the recovery, that she didn’t need him the way she used to, but he couldn’t be certain.

the night of amelia’s intervention, benjamin received a frantic phone call from madeleine and he knew then that things were not good. whether she was high or just drunk he couldn’t have been certain at first, it was only as she spoke about everybody leaving her the he snapped into action. she’d fallen off the wagon, and he’d be damned if he was going to stand by and let it happen.

benjamin packed a bag and hopped on the first plane to seattle, ready to hold an intervention of his own if he needs to. as far as he is concerned he’s here for maddie and nothing else.

2 0 2 1    U P D A T E S

turned thirty five cos that’s how birthdays work !!

after maddie decided to get clean, benjamin went with her to new york to ensure she fully embarked on her recovery. as much as seattle had only meant to have been a means to an end for benjamin, he found himself wanting to return.

he’s been keeping a low profile at the hospital, but is just kinda keeping things ticking over. he’s still ben. 

W A N T E D    C O N N E C T I O N S / P L O T S

i know i say they all deserve love but really ben deserves love

friends from med school/residency!!! 

[punkscowardschampions]

Mattie & Lulu & Dolly (mostly)

PlanityPlan: Okay, so we wanna get down what Mattie, Lulu and Dolly are like, that’s the main point

PlanityPlan: but then we wanna pinpoint the time of this reunion for their storyline together, so we can then say what Jay is up to, Beckett not really ‘cos he’s a child but we could also say what we wanna do with you eventually here because we are planning to use him but yes, kind of unrelated but not

PlanityPlan: So it’s like, individual story, what they’re like, the lives they’re living, and then the storyline we’ll do with them together

PlanityPlan: OKAY so Mattie doing an accelerated 2-year Maths and Computer Science degree at Greenwich (57, 58) and then her PGCE which takes a year and in this year you do 2 school placements, 2nd placement at the girl's new school after gay teacher drama in Surval, so this 2nd meeting after first failed attempt at contact, in 59

PlanityPlan: Basically, energy being, making contact before starting Uni and the twins are like nah and then we show up at their new school (accidentally) and the twins relationship has suffered so now we have an in

PlanityPlan: OKAY OKAY so Mattie reaches out Summer 57, she's about to start Uni, the twins are 14 and just finished year 10, 58 teacher stuff to happen and come out year 11, 59 we move to new school year 12, Mattie starts placement too

Junie B Jones: The school I found for the twins is called Surval Montreux in Montreux Switzerland and they’d have been going there from age 12 (and leaving at 19) it’s obviously an international school but there’s a heavy focus on French in lessons as obviously because English is usually a 2nd language, but don’t even worry ladies cos there is only a maximum of 10 girls (cos it’s only gals) in your classes and 60 in the entire school

Junie B Jones: worth noting the finishing school bit from 17-19 cos your mother would love that for you and you can share a room no problem as it’s usually 2 or 3 anyways

PlanityPlan: So, do we be evil and say they have to share with another poor gal?

PlanityPlan: ‘cos we could run with that

Junie B Jones: that poor girl requesting a transfer cos they are so odd hahaha but yeah I say there’s potential there even if it was only for a while like maybe it’s lowkey a version of how they put me and Trace in separate classes cos the teachers are like UM

PlanityPlan: I see that, forcing you to stay involved, ‘cos with 60 people you’d have to be all up in each other’s business, like you’re for sure meant to see the teachers as friends/fam too

Junie B Jones: the website was very culty and that energy

PlanityPlan: which brings me to my first idea ‘cos I think it works on many levels beyond being a cliche

PlanityPlan: Okay so, I thought it’d be interesting to have a secret between them ‘cos how hard it’d be to keep

PlanityPlan: and then I thought that it’d be hilarious karma if Dolly had an affair with a female teacher but we actually let it go there

PlanityPlan: ‘cos it’d be a massive scandal even your parents can’t ignore and the girl gives off some gay vibes and it’d be like, a thing they can’t share in if Lulu isn’t gay like we share a boyfriend but we’re not sharing this teacher moment

PlanityPlan: and it’d probably get you both kicked out so we can time it when we want it and Chloe would be fuming about this lesbianism lmao

PlanityPlan: so with the whole culty school like this would be NEWS ‘cos they’re tight with the teachers clearly so it’s like ARE THEY ALL BEING GROOMED lmao

Junie B Jones: Lulu gives off the straightest vibes EVER so I am down & also the vibe that she would love that culty school

PlanityPlan: right so not only have you kept a love affair and gay from me, you’ve also ruined our school moment, it’d really shake them and their weird twin energy to it’s core, which is the fun of it all obvs

Junie B Jones: I see now why you agreed to share a boyfriend hun, also the potential for her to have a gay awakening with the roommate so hitting all those cliches

PlanityPlan: right, I’m not being gross but it’s true that all-girls school girls experiment together, facts, like Lulu probably joined it with it too but it’s like oh you actually like girls for real

PlanityPlan: but if Dolly isn’t just then living her best gay life and is trying to get shit back to how it was, I think it makes it different

Junie B Jones: the tea and also it seems like the kind of school where a teacher would go there, especially if it’s a younger/artsy one like that film Cracks that Imogen Poots was in, soz Nancy but most teachers won’t

PlanityPlan: it’s a cliche with posh schools for a reason, the bond is closer by the fact there’s not 30 kids in a classroom, there’s more opportunity for it to happen because you have actual relationships with all your teachers, whereas in normal schools they barely know your name lol

Junie B Jones: gross but necessary question being how long do you see the relationship spanning in secret before the big reveal

PlanityPlan: it should probably be somewhere between enough that it’s an actual thing that happened and not like, it happened once, like the teacher probably thinks they’re gonna be together if she doesn’t go to jail lol, but not so long that it is like, how’d you not know

PlanityPlan: it’ll be fun to like, play out, see how long we feasibly could

PlanityPlan: and if Lulu finds out before EVERYONE finds out, then she has to decide what to do with this info for a bit too, which would also be good

Junie B Jones: I love that because the twin vibe is very much like oh we can read each other’s minds haha bitch you thought

Junie B Jones: totally can picture Lulu snitching on you ngl gal

PlanityPlan: accidentally fucking yourself over when they kick the lot of yas out, a mood

PlanityPlan: NEW CO-ED SCHOOL IN SURREY, STILL BOARDING

PlanityPlan: maybe Lulu does care more about school in general, but also specifically that school and being one of the girls forever

PlanityPlan: ‘cos then it’s gonna be hard to win her back when you end up in another school, with boys dundundun

Junie B Jones: she very much comes across like that to me, not only because she’s clearly the clingy controlling twin here but I think she clearly likes how small and family like this school is trying to be cos of how chaotic and lacking their home life is, she’s definitely scared of boys & navigating socialising with them without making a tit of herself because of how little dealings she’s had so it’s gonna be a SHOCK

Junie B Jones: dobbing her sister in because 1. You think the teacher will get sacked and it’ll be over 2. You think you can score some points back and stay in the school’s good books

PlanityPlan: It’s honestly sad how much sense it makes, like you really buy all in with the family vibes and then ya twin fucks it all up, rude

Junie B Jones: okay idk how plausible this is but remember in Wild Child aka the greatest film of all time that boy is like the headteacher’s son, what if the boyfriend (Danny Griffin is his IRL name but I’ll give you a french af one in character boy) they share is like the son of someone who works at the school (obvs he doesn’t go there but like he’d have to live nearby and generally loiter) which is part of the reason Lulu picks him cos all the girls would want to but also she could tell him something about this and he’s like UM you have to dob her in

PlanityPlan: I see that, they can’t all be spinsters like this is an enid, they’d have families and stuff, I can vibe it because again, a thing if there’s any male in the vicinity we all lose our minds lol

Junie B Jones: and like obvs that’s why she got with him but there’s potential for an actual relationship to form with this boy on some level if we want

PlanityPlan: Yes, maybe you actually like him, because clearly Dolly doesn’t, have him to yourself hun, but also then you’ll have to move so rude

PlanityPlan: Another reason to be fuming when you were the clingy twin before, role reversal

Junie B Jones: and another reason to not want to leave because I can’t imagine that your parents will move you to another school in Switzerland because it’s tiny and the scandal so literally in a different country

PlanityPlan: yeah, we’d probably move you to the uk like we’re going to be more involved like doubt that lads but you know

Junie B Jones: my thoughts exactly

PlanityPlan: so the question is do we want to do this before Mattie gets in contact or after

PlanityPlan: I’m leaning towards before so then 1. You’ve got a chance of getting in but 2. You can also help or not help them get on better terms, whatever we vibe

Junie B Jones: maybe when she first gets in contact it’s a secret still so we get the best of the both worlds, cos like you’re gonna get stonewalled then hun but when it all pops off you can be there

Junie B Jones: just cos I’m thinking if it’s all happened by the time they’re 16 that’s slightly drama but then again we’ve done worse lol

PlanityPlan: That’s a good idea, it makes the most of it for sure

PlanityPlan: I’m not sure what the age of consent is but that might affect how in deep shit this teacher gets

Junie B Jones: it’d be a way to show how their dynamic and relationship changes from a POV that isn’t just their own

PlanityPlan: for sure and then we can have the outcome be not just down to their new school and their parentals

Junie B Jones: poor Mattie getting way more drama than she expected

Junie B Jones: are you having her go to a UK uni because obviously relevant because this isn’t getting resolved in a summer hol

PlanityPlan: I’m kind of vibing no uni, honestly

PlanityPlan: because a lot of gen 4 do go and it isn’t the only option

Junie B Jones: love that for her tbh

PlanityPlan: So yeah, you’ll be around for sure

Junie B Jones: do you have a job/career in mind yet?

PlanityPlan: not really, like I see you being a bit lost in that sense, which is fine because you’ve got a lot in other respects and you’re looked after, but it’s definitely a vibe of not knowing what you want to do, but not just doing uni ‘cos as most people in that situ do, so you probably have lots of random jobs

Junie B Jones: that’s legit cos loads of people don’t know what they wanna do but don’t have the luxury of taking time to figure it out but she does & lowkey it doesn’t matter if she never does cos like you said she’s fine in a lot of other ways

PlanityPlan: like I won’t let you be insufferable with it and not work and just bum about but you’re just striking me as work-driven, which a lot of characters are again, so I’m not mad

Junie B Jones: I like it

PlanityPlan: So it’s just working out what your actual main motivation is, which I think could be tied into getting in contact with this fam

PlanityPlan: as we’re saying Jay doesn’t really want to, so it’s a difference there

PlanityPlan: and it’ll be good to have it not a total failure if you do make something with the twins but we know you won’t with Chloe so there’s the struggle with that

Junie B Jones: it pleases me because the obvious and cliche thing to do would be to have Jay be the one trying to do this as she actually has memories of and issues with Chlo whereas Mattie is basically Ava’s child

PlanityPlan: and I don’t think it resembles like, Edie’s feelings about Drew and Caleb etc either, it’s not like I NEED you to be my mum because you biologically are

PlanityPlan: it’s just lowkey a curiosity like, people can’t just vanish from our lives like that, like what are they doing, ‘cos you know their main house is still in London too, like it’s just like, why shouldn’t I look into this

Junie B Jones: agreed, it’s not coming from a place of having a deficit, she’s happy and has everything she needs in that sense, so it makes sense for her to only gain from it

PlanityPlan: and it is naive but that is how I vibe her being in a not really annoying way lol, not a jaded character though

PlanityPlan: and it will be shit when Chloe is Chloe but it won’t destroy her or anything it’s just like oh god, what is wrong with her though

Junie B Jones: and that’ll strengthen her relationship with Jay because she doesn’t wanna talk about all of that and you’ll get why in a way that you can’t unless you experience the crazy that is Chloe for yourself

PlanityPlan: exactly, like that can be a source of strain between you when you’re first deciding to do this

PlanityPlan: and you’d give Chloe a few chances ‘cos like I said you aren’t looking for a mum so you’d be trying to lowkey work it out and being empathetic so she’d probably actually love that ‘cos she’s a narcissist so it’d be a bit dicey

PlanityPlan: suddenly wants to tell you every drama in her life like poor me

Junie B Jones: how real

PlanityPlan: ‘cos you can think you’re like objective and just putting the mystery together but you’re gonna get dragged in, clearly

PlanityPlan: especially combine this with the twin drama which you do genuinely care about

Junie B Jones: mhmm, Lulu is gonna drag you in gal, not like she can bring these emotions and drama to her new school when it’s a scandal and this is supposed to be a fresh start

PlanityPlan: which is what you were warned about/one of the reasons we left it ‘til you were grown but you’ll have to work this all out, which will be good

PlanityPlan: ‘cos you can’t be dealing with your younger sister’s drama instead of living your own life but clearly at a point here we are ‘cos bit lost

Junie B Jones: you’re so clever boo, this is such a good idea that flows

PlanityPlan: heheh, I think it makes sense if you’ve had such a chill upbringing and the twins have not that this chaos can take over your life and drag you in

PlanityPlan: I’d like to think we all get to a healthy place gals but we’ll see tbh

PlanityPlan: as for who Dolly is… I think she never bought into the school as hard, like it’s probably better than home, not that we’d know, but we’re not like omg this is IT

PlanityPlan: same with the boyfriend clearly, none of it is as real but the twin bond is so like may as well until the gay drama comes along

PlanityPlan: but then that’s lowkey over before it’s begun so then we go into overdrive of trying to win her back

Junie B Jones: which Lulu is not having sis

PlanityPlan: like in reality we should accept our truth and start working on separate personalities but we’re like no no

Junie B Jones: potential for how far aka too far she can try and take winning her back, like that creepy book energy

PlanityPlan: deffo, like we’ll have to think of ways but if we’re going all-in on this, there isn’t reason not to

PlanityPlan: ‘cos we don’t care about school or whatever mum and dad are saying or doing

Junie B Jones: not gonna kill you off gal but oh the possibilities for danger cos lbr your grandparents can’t stop you either clearly

PlanityPlan: bless them they’re alright people but obvs a bit useless for all this to happen lmao

Junie B Jones: hence I vibe that Lulu totally walks all over/ has them wrapped around her little finger like Chloe did but more subtly because she has no nuance

PlanityPlan: deffo, oh lads

Junie B Jones: which is a shame when they could literally give you the family energy you want without need for a creepy cult school but hey, you’ve been taught to treat them like that

PlanityPlan: exactly

PlanityPlan: they should’ve lowkey took you in but we’re too posh for that and you’ll probably be fine right lmao

Junie B Jones: at least Dolly can stay with them when her parents are literally hate criming her

PlanityPlan: sad that you won’t ‘cos getting back in that closet so hard like will you forgive me if I’m straight and we’re still the same

Junie B Jones: it’s really sad like this isn’t sustainable huns and shouldn’t have been allowed to be a thing for this long

PlanityPlan: at least Mattie does have fresh enough eyes to be like, respectfully, maybe let’s not do this

Junie B Jones: just like Lulu don’t haze your sister thank you

PlanityPlan: right, I think this gives us energy to go on for all y’all

PlanityPlan: *** so the energy now is she can get more drawn in because she's literally there living at the school too, and after the placement, she's getting a permanent position at the school, so we can actually work through this together and have relationships etc etc

[percysaysfuck]

THREE OLD BITCHES KNIT THE SOCKS OF DEATH

I was used to the occasional weird experience, but usually they were over quickly. This twenty-four/seven hallucination was more than I could handle. For the rest of the school year, the entire campus seemed to be playing some kind of trick on me. The students acted as if they were completely and totally convinced that Mrs. Kerr—a perky blond woman whom I'd never seen in my life until she got on our bus at the end of the field trip—had been our pre-algebra teacher since Christmas.

Every so often I would spring a Mrs. Dodds reference on somebody, just to see if I could trip them up, but they would stare at me like I was psycho.

It got so I almost believed them—Mrs. Dodds had never existed.

Almost.

But Grover couldn't fool me. When I mentioned the name Dodds to him, he would hesitate, then claim she didn't exist. But I knew he was fucking lying.

Something was going on. Something had happened at the museum.

I didn't have much time to think about it during the days, but at night, visions of Mrs. Dodds with talons and leathery wings would wake me up in a cold sweat.

The freak weather continued, which didn't help my mood. One night, a thunderstorm blew out the windows in my dorm room. A few days later, the biggest tornado ever spotted in the Hudson Valley touched down only fifty miles from Yancy Academy. One of the current events we studied in social studies class was the unusual number of small planes that had gone down in sudden squalls in the Atlantic that year.

I started feeling cranky and irritable most of the time. My grades slipped from Ds to Fs. I got into more fights with Nancy Bobofit and her shit faced friends. I was sent out into the hallway in almost every class.

Finally, when our English teacher, Mr. Nicoll, asked me for the millionth time why I was too lazy to study for spelling tests, I snapped. I called him an old sot. I wasn't even sure what it meant, but it sounded good.

The headmaster sent my mom a letter the following week, making it official: I would not be invited back next year to Yancy Academy.

Fine, I told myself. Just fine.

I was homesick.

I wanted to be with my mom in our little apartment on the Upper East Side, even if I had to go to public school and put up with my obnoxious fucking stepfather and his shitty poker parties.

And yet. . . there were things I'd miss at Yancy. The view of the woods out my dorm window, the Hudson River in the distance, the smell of pine trees. Id miss Grover, who'd been a good friend, even if he was a little fucked up. I worried how he'd survive next year without me.

I'd miss Latin class, too—Mr. Brunner's crazy tournament days and his faith that I could do well.

As exam week got closer, Latin was the only test I studied for. I hadn't forgotten what Mr. Brunner had told me about this subject being life-and-death for me. I wasn't sure why, but I'd started to believe him.

The evening before my final, I got so frustrated I threw the Cambridge Guide to Greek Mythology across my dorm room. Words had started swimming off the page, circling my head, the letters doing one-eighties as if they were riding skateboards. There was no way I was going to remember the difference between Chiron and Charon, or Polydictes and Polydeuces. And conjugating those Latin verbs? Fucking forget it.

I paced the room, feeling like ants were crawling around inside my shirt.

I remembered Mr. Brunner's serious expression, his thousand-year-old eyes. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson. I took a deep breath. I picked up the mythology book.

I'd never asked a teacher for help before. Maybe if I talked to Mr. Brunner, he could give me some pointers. At least I could apologize for the big fat F I was about to score on his exam. I didn't want to leave Yancy Academy with him thinking I hadn't tried.

I walked downstairs to the faculty offices. Most of them were dark and empty, but Mr. Brunner's door was ajar, light from his window stretching across the hallway floor.

I was three steps from the door handle when I heard voices inside the office. Mr. Brunner asked a question. A voice that was definitely Grover's said ". . . worried about Percy, sir. "

I froze.

Shit.

I'm not usually an eavesdropper, but I dare you to try not listening if you hear your best friend talking shit about you to an adult.

I inched closer.

". . . alone this summer," Grover was saying. "I mean, a Kindly One in the school! Now that we know for sure, and they know too—"

"We would only make matters worse by rushing him," Mr. Brunner said. "We need the boy to mature more. "

"But he may not have time. The summer solstice deadline— "

"Will have to be resolved without him, Grover. Let him enjoy his ignorance while he still can. "

"Sir, he saw her. . . . "

"His imagination," Mr. Brunner insisted. "The Mist over the students and staff will be enough to convince him of that. "

"Sir, I . . . I can't fail in my duties again. " Grover's voice was choked with emotion. "You know what that would mean. "

"You haven't failed, Grover," Mr. Brunner said kindly. "I should have seen her for what she was. Now lets just worry about keeping Percy alive until next fall—"

The mythology book dropped out of my hand and hit the floor with a thud.

Fuck.

Mr. Brunner went silent.

My heart hammering, I picked up the book and backed down the hall.

A shadow slid across the lighted glass of Brunner's office door, the shadow of something much taller than my wheelchair-bound teacher, holding something that looked suspiciously like an archers bow.

I opened the nearest door and slipped inside.

A few seconds later I heard a slow clop-clop-clop, like muffled wood blocks, then a sound like an animal snuffling right outside my door. A large, dark shape paused in front of the glass, then moved on.

A bead of sweat trickled down my neck.

Somewhere in the hallway, Mr. Brunner spoke. "Nothing," he murmured. "My nerves haven't been right since the winter solstice. "

"Mine neither," Grover said. "But I could have sworn . . . "

"Go back to the dorm," Mr. Brunner told him. "You've got a long day of exams tomorrow. "

"Don't remind me. "

The lights went out in Mr. Brunner's office.

I waited in the dark for what seemed like forever.

Finally, I slipped out into the hallway and made my way back up to the dorm.

Grover was lying on his bed, studying his Latin exam notes like he'd been there all night.

"Hey," he said, bleary-eyed. "You going to be ready for this test?"

I didn't answer.

"You look awful. " He frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"Just. . . tired. "

I turned so he couldn't read my expression, and started getting ready for bed.

I didn't understand what I'd heard downstairs. I wanted to believe I'd imagined the whole thing.

But one thing was clear: Grover and Mr. Brunner were talking about me behind my back. They thought I was in some kind of danger.

The next afternoon, as I was leaving the three-hour Latin exam, my eyes swimming with all the Greek and Roman names I'd misspelled, Mr. Brunner called me back inside.

For a moment, I was worried he'd found out about my eavesdropping the night before, but that didn't seem to be the problem.

"Percy," he said. "Don't be discouraged about leaving Yancy. It's . . . it's for the best. "

His tone was kind, but the words still embarrassed me. Even though he was speaking quietly, the other kids finishing the test could hear. Nancy Bobofit fucking smirked at me and made sarcastic little kissing motions with her lips.

I mumbled, "Okay, sir. "

"I mean . . . " Mr. Brunner wheeled his chair back and forth, like he wasn't sure what to say. "This isn't the right place for you. It was only a matter of time. "

My eyes stung.

Here was my favorite teacher, in front of the class, telling me I couldn't handle it. After saying he believed in me all year, now he was telling me I was destined to get kicked out.

"Right," I said, trembling.

"No, no," Mr. Brunner said. "Oh, confound it all. What I'm trying to say . . . you're not normal, Percy. That's nothing to be—"

"Thanks," I blurted. "Thanks a lot, sir, for fucking reminding me. "

"Percy—"

But I was already gone.

On the last day of the term, I shoved my clothes into my suitcase.

The other guys were joking around, talking about their vacation plans. One of them was going on a hiking trip to Switzerland. Another was cruising the Caribbean for a month. They were juvenile delinquents, like me, but they were rich juvenile delinquents. Their daddies were executives, or ambassadors, or celebrities. I was a nobody, from a family of fucking nobodies.

They asked me what Id be doing this summer and I told them I was going back to the city.

What I didn't tell them was that I'd have to get a summer job walking dogs or selling magazine subscriptions, and spend my free time worrying about where I'd go to school in the fall.

"Oh," one of the guys said. "That's cool. "

They went back to their conversation as if I'd never existed.

The only person I dreaded saying good-bye to was Grover, but as it turned out, I didn't have to. He'd booked a ticket to Manhattan on the same Greyhound as I had, so there we were, together again, heading into the city.

During the whole bus ride, Grover kept glancing nervously down the aisle, watching the other passengers. It occurred to me that he'd always acted nervous and fidgety when we left Yancy, as if he expected something bad to happen. Before, I'd always assumed he was worried about getting teased. But there was nobody to tease him on the Greyhound.

Finally I couldn't fucking stand it anymore.

I said, "Looking for Kindly Ones?"

Grover nearly jumped out of his seat. "Wha—what do you mean?"

I confessed about eavesdropping on him and Mr. Brunner the night before the exam.

Grover's eye twitched. "How much did you hear?"

"Oh . . . not much. What's the summer solstice dead-line?"

He winced. "Look, Percy . . . I was just worried for you, see? I mean, hallucinating about demon math teachers . . . "

"Grover—"

"And I was telling Mr. Brunner that maybe you were overstressed or something, because there was no such person as Mrs. Dodds, and . . . "

"Grover, you're a really, really bad fucking liar. "

His ears turned pink.

From his shirt pocket, he fished out a grubby business card. "Just take this, okay? In case you need me this summer."

The card was in fancy script, which was murder on my dyslexic eyes, but I finally made out something like:

Grover Underwood

Keeper

Half-Blood Hill

Long Island, New York

(800) 009-0009

"What's Half—"

"Don't say it aloud!" he yelped. "That's my, um . . . summer address. "

My heart sank. Grover had a fucking summer home. I'd never considered that his family might be as rich as the others at Yancy.

"Okay," I said glumly. "So, like, if I want to come visit your mansion. "

He nodded. "Or . . . or if you need me. "

"Why the fuck would I need you?"

It came out harsher than I meant it to.

Grover blushed right down to his Adams apple. "Look, Percy, the truth is, I—I kind of have to protect you. "

I stared at him.

All year long, I'd gotten in fights, keeping bullies away from him. I'd lost sleep worrying that he'd get beaten up next year without me. And here he was acting like he was the one who fucking defended me.

"Grover," I said, "what exactly are you protecting me from?"

There was a huge grinding noise under our feet. Black smoke poured from the dashboard and the whole bus filled with a smell like rotten eggs. The driver cursed and limped the Greyhound over to the side of the highway.

After a few minutes clanking around in the engine compartment, the driver announced that we'd all have to get off. Grover and I filed outside with everybody else.

We were on a stretch of country road—no place you'd notice if you didn't break down there. On our side of the highway was nothing but maple trees and litter from passing cars. On the other side, across four lanes of asphalt shimmering with afternoon heat, was an old-fashioned fruit stand.

The stuff on sale looked really fucking good: heaping boxes of bloodred cherries and apples, walnuts and apricots, jugs of cider in a claw-foot tub full of ice. There were no customers, just three old ladies sitting in rocking chairs in the shade of a maple tree, knitting the biggest pair of socks Id ever seen.

I mean these socks were the size of sweaters, but they were clearly socks. The lady on the right knitted one of them. The lady on the left knitted the other. The lady in the middle held an enormous basket of electric-blue yarn.

All three women looked ancient, with pale faces wrinkled like fruit leather, silver hair tied back in white bandannas, bony arms sticking out of bleached cotton dresses.

The weirdest thing was, they seemed to be looking right fucking at me.

I looked over at Grover to say something about this and saw that the blood had drained from his face. His nose was twitching.

"Grover?" I said. "Hey, man—"

"Tell me they're not looking at you. They are, aren't they?"

"Yeah. Weird, huh? You think those socks would fit me?"

"Not funny, Percy. Not funny at all. "

The old lady in the middle took out a huge pair of scissors—gold and silver, long-bladed, like shears. I heard Grover catch his breath.

"Were getting on the bus," he told me. "Come on. "

"What?" I said. "It's a thousand degrees in there. "

"Come on!" He pried open the door and climbed inside, but I stayed back.

Across the road, the old ladies were still watching me. The middle one cut the yarn, and I swear I could hear that snip across four lanes of traffic. Her two friends balled up the electric-blue socks, leaving me wondering who they could possibly be for—Sasquatch or Godzilla.

At the rear of the bus, the driver wrenched a big chunk of smoking metal out of the engine compartment. The bus shuddered, and the engine roared back to life.

The passengers cheered.

"Darn right!" yelled the driver. He slapped the bus with his hat. "Everybody back on board!"

Once we got going, I started feeling feverish, as if I'd caught the fucking flu.

Grover didn't look much better. He was shivering and his teeth were chattering.

"Grover?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you not fucking telling me?"

He dabbed his forehead with his shirt sleeve. "Percy, what did you see back at the fruit stand?"

"You mean the old ladies? What is it about them, man? They're not like . . . Mrs. Dodds, are they?"

His expression was hard to read, but I got the feeling that the fruit-stand ladies were something much, much worse than Mrs. Dodds. He said, "Just tell me what you saw. "

"The middle one took out her scissors, and she fucking cut the yarn. "

He closed his eyes and made a gesture with his fingers that might've been crossing himself, but it wasn't. It was something else, something almost—older.

He said, "You saw her snip the cord. "

"Yeah. So?" But even as I said it, I knew it was a big deal.

"This is not happening," Grover mumbled. He started chewing at his thumb. "I don't want this to be like the last time. "

"What last time?"

"Always sixth grade. They never get past sixth. "

"Grover," I said, because he was really starting to fucking scare me. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Let me walk you home from the bus station. Promise me. "

This seemed like a strange request to me, but I promised he could.

"Is this like a superstition or something?" I asked.

No answer.

"Grover—that snipping of the yarn. Does that mean somebody is going to fucking die?"

He looked at me mournfully, like he was already picking the kind of flowers I'd like best on my coffin.

Fuck.