#just know that Yes im very aware that this advice might work in this situation but Suck for other situations. I know.

[marcilled]

[ID: tags that say #I feel like we are at the point tho where some people are really just fucking crazy #like tiktok breeds the most batshit real people its super hard to tell whos really bullshitting these days #like. we had people saying 'stupid' was an ableist slur. for real. im not ruling anything out". End ID]

This kind of thing is exactly what I was trying to warn against... please try not to miss the point so hard in the future. It truly does not matter if "people are really like this". There's always going to be specific people that believe truly utterly bizarre things, maybe even a lot of them. To really drive the point home, here, I'm going to have to do the scary thing and get specific about what I mean by this post.

The post I saw on twitter that prompted me to type this was somebody screenshotting a tweet saying that "any character under 5'4" is minor coded", and mocking how absurd it is. The original tweet was, to my eyes, obviously bait- nobody seriously thinks that, but this pervasive idea of, "well, there are people who do actually think this way" meant that it got shared far and wide, mostly by people who thought "what the hell is your problem".

Now, sometimes "bait" posts like this are utterly aimless/directionless, or can be used to "punch up" so to speak. But based on some context clues I could tell that the op's intention with their bait was to mock what they saw as the most ridiculous qualities of "antis". If you don't know what "Anti" or "pro-ship" mean, I envy you; I'm not going to explain it here- just know that the post's intent was to trick you into mocking/shaming a hypothetical "anti", even if you didn't realize it. (I have to stress again, the account is fake, it's a troll, it's someone doing a bit.)

The people sharing the post to mock it may not necessarily have strong feelings one way or the other on that specific topic, but it was meant to paint a certain group in a really negative light, and ended up getting shared widely as if it were a genuine post that someone really believed. that kind of thing has the power to warp peoples' perceptions and shift tides of public opinion if done enough.

That is what I mean when I say "don't feed the trolls"... Perhaps it's an outdated terminology of a bygone era, and it has some obvious flaws. But it feels appropriate here, at least.

man... we seriously need to bring back "don't feed the trolls" into the collective internet lexicon. it's some extremely sage advice that was once commonplace on forums a decade back. obviously it takes some level of social awareness that not everyone is gonna have (some off you guys actually touch grass on the regular, good for you! /gen), but like. people troll on here so much. and they really do count on you screenshotting them, quote retweeting, etc. to spread their trolling further than it would get otherwise. before you make that snarky post, ask yourself, is this bait? if there's a chance it is, don't take the bait- don't feed the trolls.

[taeyungie]

i thought i would be in a Better space when the guys come back but i haven't done anything. it's like when i try, my depression hits and it messes everything up. even now i want to be Productive but i fall out of the fake motivation i try and get and back into sulking that my life is not how i want it to be, all the while having to be around people who actually have lives. they're about to start a family, theyre going on exotic trips, they have new chapters in their lives and i kid u not im still where im at 10 yrs ago. sad, depressed and nothing more than a homebody that has nothing going on for them. to the point i dont even want to hang out with these ppl anymore, i just feel so Bad around them. it doesnt help they kinda acknowledge i have nothing going on besides bts :( esp with yoongi leaving now and he was/is my main source of comfort and i feel like im never going to be able to walk through that closed door like he did. it feels so far away

first of all thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, i appreciate you trusting me 💞

i'm so sorry that you feel that way sweetheart, but i think it's also something you shouldn't feel guilty for, or to blame yourself for. when depression is around it disturbs our sense of time and so many other things in our life, and it's not because "you aren't being good enough" or "trying your best". you are, you are trying your best and being good enough, even more than that, you have to acknowledge that you are giving out everything you are able to AT THE MOMENT. you have to be nicer to yourself, love, you have to be understanding to yourself as well, because no human is an emotionless machine designed to work and achieve, and nothing else, life is not about that.

i know many people have set a goal for themselves after the announcement of hiatus from BTS, we all probably felt "yes, this is the time for me to get my shit together", and this has put a really giant pressure on us all, which immediately causes stress and our bodies shut down, which mixed with the pain of the boys not being around anymore, made a whole mess we now need to deal with. even though we technically know they WILL be back soon - after years of being used to their constant presence, having it taken away in such a short time could have cause a simple shock to our bodies. now look at this situation as you would look at someone grieving, you know that they would need A LOT of time to work through their pain and sorrow, you wouldn't expect them to move on very fast. when someone we love, care for, depend on when it comes to our comfort and well being, just leaves - no matter the situation or reason - we just feel worse, and that's normal.

you could look at your life from a different perspective, but what i want you to do first is to stop comparing your life to others, this can really destroy every last good thought you have about yourself, so please, don't think of yourself by placing yourself in the shoes of other people, because everyone is different, everyone goes through different things and deals with the same things differently. that doesn't mean someone is better or worse, baby. you have to give yourself time, to give yourself a chance. another advice i have is that you should definitely drop the deadline you hope to reach your goal (in this situation 2025, when the boys comeback). that causes a lot of stress you might not even be aware of and you're focused on just getting to your goal as fast as possible and not actually gaining something valuable from it, when you focus on "WHAT" instead of "WHEN" you will notice that your effort and work you put into getting better will actually start making you feel different. you have to break your pattern and try to be completely alone with yourself for some time, to get to know yourself better, to find out who you are and what you want to do, exactly, because maybe you're not moving forward because you aren't sure of what you exactly want? so please, give yourself that chance. life is not only about constant achievements, of experiencing events that cause intense emotions, of trying to be the best. it's also about being alone too, and feeling good while being in that state, that is what's the most important to be honest ❤️

don't do things you don't feel good about, don't force yourself to reach expectations that OTHER people have set for THEMSELVES, you have to set your own, step by step, even if it means that your first step to feeling better means trying to develop a new routine that will make YOU feel better. your own door are waiting for you, and you have to remember how much yoongi went through to get to the point to where he is now, while also being a wonderful person, and i'm sure that you are just like him too ❤️

[thegildedraven]

Hello, I was wondering what tips you could offer someone like me who has been practicing trying to astral project and just having a super hard time actually getting there. I can feel like im close but never actually make it. Ive been practicing and even using crystals, incese, guided meditations, read others experiences and how-to's and am part of a discord class. Feeling wahh about it, but I think I'm close, i have vivid dreams where I'm fully aware and make my own decisions.

hello there

disclaimer: my answer to this is going to have A Ton of UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis), but since you’re asking me I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s what you want to see, yes. Also, I don’t know how long this ask has been sitting in my inbox so if you have managed to astral project in my absence, then I’m glad.

anyway, I’m not as well-versed in the field of astral projection as I am with astral travel of bilocation—I project less than I travel and bilocate, but I still have a bunch of things to say about it, and I’ll talk about what I feel about what you’ve told me in the ask anyway.

I don’t know if you can astral travel but not project? Or are you jumping that stage altogether and going straight to projection? Honestly, if you haven’t considered astral travel and are aiming for projection, I personally feel like you’d find some takeaways and learn something through astral travel that might aid you to accomplish projection. It’s almost a different experience altogether—although one might say that astral travel might just be a dialed-down version of astral projection—and the sensations that come with both differ as well, but there is some merit to astral travel in your journey here. Getting used to the sensation of just letting part of you out into the astral in that sense would go a long way in getting used to projection, which requires more energy and more effort and can be a more intense experience overall.

It’s nice to hear all the things you’ve done about it, but perhaps if these methods don’t work, I would say try other ones. It might sound futile to endlessly pursue methods without knowing what’s not working with the ones you’re already doing, and you’ve heard this before, but sometimes what you’ve tried doesn’t work for everyone. From what I’ve read, it seems that you’ve tried the more conventional methods of achieving astral projection, and the guided meditation and discord class sound very handy in helping you, but still no results then? Perhaps you could go for a different method. Maybe even use no aids or crystals or any help. Go in with a different mindset, find a quiet place or whatever works, get comfortable and try to astral project.

Mindset has a part to play in astral projection too. Are you too fixated in trying to astral project that the desire for the end goal phases you out? Sometimes that happens, and will can turn into something that will hinder you. Are you ready to astral project? Do you know what comes with it and is there any lingering emotions or doubts that can be holding you back? Same goes with physical being. Are you in the best physical state to project? Do you feel too grounded in your physical body to shift your perspective to your astral one?

Honestly, I’m no expert on astral projection, but the above is what I have to say about what I’ve heard from your situation. I can’t really offer specific tailored advice because I don’t know your circumstances in much detail, so here’s what I have. 

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

It’s been awhile since I truly ranted about my clueless boomer father. it’s absolutely not because he’s been less awful. in fact he’s been so overly awful that I’ve not had the energy to really type out an entire vent post. 

Let’s rectify that! (Disclaimer: this shit is LONG)

So those of you who aren’t new round these parts are well versed in how clueless and selfish my “I’m not like other boomers” (def is) father. You might also know how introverted I am.

Now that word gets tossed around a lot by people who just enjoy their own company or enjoy socializing but need time to recharge, and that’s all well and good. But my personal introversion is much more... serious. Like, I can socialize but it’s draining pretty quickly, save a few people who don’t suck the life out of me because they arent work to hang out with and dont require me to entertain them. I need more recharge time than socializing time by a significant margin. Last summer my father went on vacation for a week (Bailey stayed with grandma) and during that week I didn’t verbally speak to a single fucking soul except when The Spawn (who didn’t live here at the time) came by for something. Best week of my fucking life. 

The less I’m able to recharge, the more unpleasant I become. This is important. 

So we all know that my father likes to claim a lot of things are that clearly bullshit. Among those things is the claim that he doesn’t need friends or socialization because he’s “like me” and the claim that he respects my space and need for down time. these things aren’t true. at all. Let’s look at why I saw that...

This man insists on telling me every small annoyance that happens through his day. Every single fucking day I have to hear (and read texts) repeatedly about how ignorant his coworkers are, the amount of unmasked people at stores/gas stations, & just generally self absorbed people he encounters. EVERY DAY. He clearly needs someone to socialize with. 

He will also just walk into my living room and plop down. Then he starts fucking talking or bitching at the dogs for jumping around on him. If I am watching something, he starts asking questions/commenting on whatever I’m watching. If I’m wearing headphones (which are massive and cover my ENTIRE EAR very obviously) he will stare at me and start talking until I pull my headphones off and say “What?! What is so fucking urgent?!” 

I’ve been getting progressively more short with him. I don’t answer texts that aren’t actually about something. When he interrupts me for something I KNOW will be frivolous bullshit, I exaggeratedly huff, then either rip off my headphones or pointedly pause what I’m watching and say “WHAT?! What do you need?!” If he’s bitching about the dogs playing on the couch while he tries to sit on it (which they do to me CONSTANTLY btw and I just make it work) I snap at him to just move to the fucking chair or shut up. If he goes to bitch about a coworker or people he encounters while out, I just say, “You already told me about this.” in and incredibly short tone, to which he responds “Well I wanted to make sure.” in a huffy tone. 

His most recent two days have really taken the fucking cake. 

So The Spawn frequently goes up to see her godfather, D, in Colorado over school breaks. He usually puts her on a plane or comes to get her, but with her having a car, she’s decided to take a friend with her and have her first Big Girl road Trip. She will be gone a little overr a week and she, the friend, D, and I all meticulously planned it out. My father comes in day before yesterday and says, “Hey do you want me to take vacation time while The Spawn is gone so I can be here?” I look deeply confused, “Why the fuck would you do that?” his response: “Well, I didn’t know if you’d need someone here to help with the dogs during the day while she’s gone.” 

Y’all I nearly died laughing. “Her not being here changes literally NOTHING about how the dogs are handled during the day. When she is here, she is in her room. It’s really funny that you think I have help during the day considering how often I’ve bitched about the fact that I take care of the dogs that aren’t mine far too much.” 

Then yesterday, I had spent the day employing my general tactics to discourage him from harassing me with useless bullshit. At some point, I cut him off from talking AGAIN about “ignorant, maskless, redneck gatherings at the gas station” by saying, “YES YOU TOLD ME AT LEAST 3 FUCKING TIMES. I GET IT. PEOPLE DON��T WEAR MASKS AND IT PISSES YOU OFF. IT’S BEEN A FUCKING YEAR. DEAL WITH IT. Why in the fuck do you insist on telling me this crap?” This fucking idiot laughed and said “I need to vent to someone.” I then told him to get a fucking friend or get a fucking therapist but I am not here for him to fucking vent to. 

At the end of last night I finally lost it. I blew up on him about how I have zero privacy, nobody fucking respects my space or my need to recharge my social batteries, so I’m just constantly running on empty which means I’m getting progressively more unpleasant and frankly downright mean. Near the end I said “I’m sorry but...” and intended to tell him EXACTLY what he is doing that is causing this shit but true to fucking form, this motherfucker INTERRUPTS ME and says  “Oh I never take any of this personally. no apology needed. goodnight.” and goes up to bed. 

YOU SHOULD TAKE IT PERSONALLY YOU STUPID PIECE OF SELF ABSORBED SHIT!!!! YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM!!! MY NEARLY 17 YEAR OLD CHILD HAS MORE AWARENESS OF MY NEED TO RECHARGE AND NOT BE AROUND PEOPLE CONSTANTLY THAN YOU DO DESPITE ME TELLING YOU ABOUT MY NEEDS IN VERY PLAIN LANGUAGE THAT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD COULD UNDERSTAND!!! 

LEAVE.   ME.   THE.   FUCK.   ALONE.  unless the subject of what you want to talk about impacts me directly in some way or i INVITE YOU into a conversation. I don’t vent to him unless it impacts him or the household... so why the fuck can’t he show the same courtesy? Also that whole “respect your space and not invade it” thing... on the rare occasion that he doesn’t just invite himself in and plop down in my space expecting my fucking attention, he will HOVER in the ‘doorway’ to my rooms until I acknowledge his presence, at which point he takes as an invitation. I’ve done an experiment. If I ignore the hovering, he will stand there up to 30 mins, at which point he will ask me a question and when I answer he takes it as an invitation. Like, I know my living room and BEDROOM don’t have doors but that doesn’t mean you have an open invite to just come into them whenever. You want to pet your dog but she’s on my bed? Call her. She’ll come over to you. Want to watch something with me? ASK and then, if I say yes, don’t fucking talk to me. I agreed to watch something, not have a fucking conversation. 

oh but directly telling him any of this doesn’t work because he “doesn’t take any of this personally.” Ok, it’s one thing to not take it personally when I snap at you because I’m in an astronomical amount of pain that day and accidentally snapped. When that happens, I apologize and explain. but if I don’t mention my pain, apologize, or explain then YOU ARE THE REASON IM SNAPPING YOU STUPID FUCK. 

end rant. if you read this whole thing, my condolences on the wasted time. I don’t want/need advice. I’m handling the situation the best I can in my current position. Part of that handling is that while The Spawn is gone, I’m going to do a few days where I’m here for the dogs, then when dad gets off work, J scoops me for the night, then drops me back off in the morning on his way in. He is one of those lovely people that isn’t a drain and if we are sitting in the same room, considers it spending time together. Most times, I lay on his furniture at an awkward looking but comfy angle reading a book while he games. We chat a bit during breaks or when I see him ready to throw the controller at the TV (looking at you Witcher 3...) so that will be lovely. 

as always, don’t steal my shit for your blog, article, youtube, just because you’re boring and fucking lazy. Shoo! Scat! 

[astro-break]

Quick first thoughts on the first ep of the Hypmic Anime. Spoilers beware (and im writing this as I watch so :p)

Otome’s speech is.... questionable from a persuasive point of view. Manga did a great job of introducing her (which you can read here) but they really cut out the more terrifying parts of her speech and how she uses force to show people that she's not to be messed with

Its cool seeing everyone in their respective environments though. thats cool. Though they could have added Sasara and Kuuko (shhh i know why they didn’t let me dream)

I love how poppy the typography is. Its amazing how the visuals just leap out at you. The OP does a great job of this. The first few seconds before the title really gives me Persona 4 OG OP vibes with the influx of information given. The rest is a clear concise and streamlined way that still gives character. Animation is sparse but still carries across a general idea of each character and shows off each character object. Rendering is really nice and pays a bit of homage to the posing artwork thats done for the MVs. They also do their division hand signals and thats cute

Love how the OP has blatant HifuDoppo and DRB matchup foreshadowing

so far I really like what theyre going for. BB is about brotherly familial bonds and they show the goods and the bads. Jiro and Saburo bickering right out the gate really cements the fact that they get along like cats and dogs but you can still see that they love each other, working together when the situation calls for it

Now the 3d models. Theyre... not great but usable if you don’t look too hard. They serve their purpose and don’t actively detract from the viewing experience.

Visual typography in the rap itself are fun and poppy but they dont.... speak to me? like theyre there yes and I appreciate them but the only ones that got me excited were from Ichiro’s rap

I take my words back the group portion was kickass and I apologize

I love how they interpret the Hypnosis Speakers though. Esp. Saburo’s organs. That was super creative and I love it! If there was one thing that I felt was missing from the franchise was a deeper exploration of the speakers but the anime puts a new and fresh spin on it! Love it, especially with their attack patterns!

If the production team ever feels inclined to, Id love to see those info sheets on Otome’s desk released. There seems to be very interesting info and stats written out about each member (like capabilities, personal status etc.) They all seem unique too so I really really really hope they release images of those sheets

OOOOOOOOKAY MTC. I have such a big biased for them so Im very torn to see what unfolds

Rio striking out on his own is interesting. Out of everyone in MTC hes the biggest team player yet here he trusts his teammates to go ahead. This either displays Rio’s willingness to trust his teammates or it becomes very OOC if the anime wants to set him up as a lone wolf like character

I love how they specify its a drug deal. It means that Jyuto surely will show up and it also shows that Samatoki knows Jyuto’s motives and willingly gives black market info that he knows aligns with Jyuto’s goal. Thats A+ detail writing there and a great establishing characteristic for both of them

OOohhhhhhhhhhhhh man Asunama-san’s voice acting is god tier his work as Samatoki is phenomenal. He pulls of Samatoki’s threatening voice so well with those almost calm words before his voice becomes loud and confrontational. Those rolling syllables in contrast to Komada-san’s almost lyrical and airy speech and Kamio-san’s strict and enunciated words is such a delight to hear. It just speaks to how amazing and great these Seiyuu’s are in order to pull of such amazing work

Im so biased but MTC has such a better rap than BB im so sorry. Just by watching Samatoki’s part, the imagery is amazing. Even the arrival of his Hypnosis Speaker was awesome and sent a shiver down my spine. using the lyrics to form blades and blood was such a great thing to do. Theres so much more variety that just him standing there and shots of his hypnosis speaker. The old fashioned vignette shots, the four panel spread, the nods to old Kurosawa era films are great and I love these small details. Even the typography looks better.

Again, the interpretations with the speakers is fresh and new. Its great and I love the different imagery and attack patterns. Each one is so unique but carries across each different style of rap.

The 3d modles aren’t any better tho lol

(Hi this is Astro who is reading over their assessment again and making a note. Yeah I’m a bit harsh on BB’s rap. I’m not going to change it since I still stand by it and this post is supposed to be a documentation of my first impressions. I think one of the reasons why I’m so harsh on BB is because of their dynamic as a trio of brothers. They Have to have a more uniform approach than the other divisions. Which in of itself isn’t a terrible thing, it just doesn’t catch my eye as much as MTC did. Thats all! I definitely don’t hate BB, they’re maybe my 3rd favorite division out of the current lineup [not including TDD era teams like Kujaku Posse, MCD, and Naughty Busters] its just that their rap was pretty meh)

Samatoki crouching like a real gangstar and the cigarette kiss killed me

sadjkhfjkasdghsadjkcsdjhsdfsjhf im dying i love these trio of dumbasses so uch oh y fod someone save me aaaaaaaa (Astro note here! yeah i died when the jyuto and samatoki’s stomach growled im weak please. Samatoki’s face is just so precious and funny I might set it as a profile pic somewhere)

But also my initial assessment of Rio possibly being characterized as a lone wolf is very much jossed and im very thankful for that. It seems that Rio was simply trusting his teammates to carry out their part of the plan while he carried out his own. I like that, it really shows how much of a team these three are and that they genuinely trust each other. He’s also comfortable enough around them to invite them to dinners after work casually and not just for special occasions.

I really love MTC guys

Oooh! we get Ramuda on his design process which is really cute. the inside of his studio is super cute and retro and i love it. the poppy old music you would hear in a cafe or 90′s resturaunt is also really cute (astro note: yeah i know that in ARB you see the interior of Ramuda’s office but its kinda different seeing it animated)

the translation i have has gentaro speaking in early modern english (Shakespearian english for those who aren’t english nerds like me) but from what I can hear, he doesn’t speak in a particularly old fashioned way? Its more formal than old? and hes speaking without any of his character persona lying thing that he likes to do (as he refers to himself as “Shousei” throughout the segment where hes in Ramuda’s office which is kind of his default pronoun of choice). so its kinda odd for the translation to go in that direction but im not complaining

Gendice banter is gold but it feels... flat? a little? it doesn’t have the same impact as in the drama cds or in the manga? i feel? Also Ramuda using gratuitous english is??? idk how to feel about that

kjshf thats against the rules Ramuda omgggg,,,,,,,, (astro note again: while watching i was under the assumption that using your hypmic for monetary gain such a as buskering [which is what FP is doing] is against the rules. May not be the case but whatever)

FP’s rap might be my favorite in terms of tune and lyrics though. It’s a nice laid back bop and really gives of chill vibes. the integration of 3d and 2d is really nice and i love how they play off each other in the rap. The wordplay is so fun with little nods here and there and the beat is poppy too so it really energizes me.

Ramuda’s rap concerns me slightly since he makes very subtle and small nods towards his past (being created in a laboratory, warfare, and his overall very unpleasant life experiences) but spins it into something cutesy. It could be a coping mechanism, it could be me overthinking it. But it does make me worry a bit. Gentaro and Dice’s rap really play off each other with Gentaro sticking to stories and Dice taking up the baton by carrying on that same imagery but putting his own spin on it.

the self awareness of how scattered they are as a team is interesting though. It doesn’t seem like something you’d speak about in a rap? but i guess since its not really a do or die situation they can afford to be looser on things like this.

Right off the bat, i don’t like how they handled Hifumi and Doppo in relation to Hifumi’s fear of women. Slug made a post once talking about this and I echo many of his sentiments. Hypmic has never been very tactful about tackling this particular issue and while I didn’t have high hopes that the anime would be any better it hurts to see Doppo take away the one thing that allows Hifumi to function within society.

Doppo’s breakdown mirrors a lot of my own mental state when I spiral though its shown a lot quicker than what happens to me oof. that hits close to home. though Jakurai’s advice is. Questionable. Its not the best advice to give to someone but we have no idea what kind of doctor Jakurai is so ill let it slide

Jakurai’s pose looks like hes going to do a mahou shoujou transformation lmao

I don’t have many thoughts about the rap though again. How they visualize the rap is interesting. the different imagery is quite interesting for each of them and the typography is nice a distinct but im still on the fence about the visuals here

The sound is in the same boat. The sound effects either drown out the rap or are too quet but some parts are nice at least. When they talk about Tokyo’s beating heart, the heartbeat sound is a but distracting especially since its only played once. But the imagery is at least nice

I wonder if for the eds they’re going to take a similar approach to what Enstars did and have a four different endings, one for each division. I love the blend of styles here and it really accentuates that although they’re different they mesh well together.

Ramuda’s silhouette though is hilarious. Love it.

:p and thats it. Uh not bad for a first episode. Established all 12 characters really nicely and their dynamics. I had some problems with it but then again nothing is perfect. I look forward to what they show us next week

[kindest-way-to-say]

okay so. i’m just gonna rant. about some pain i’ve been experiencing for a while. like, we’re getting into it

if anyone would like to put in their two cents, feel free. im kinda just yelling about my problems into a void, but im definitely not gonna stop people who might know what this is from giving me advice.

idk. my brains shutting down a bit.

TDLR: my left arm has been in constant pain for three days. it’s probably nerves or something. i’m very addled rn. i hate the world i want to sleep for a millennia. i also have had similar, smaller pain issues over a course of 4 months. i hate it here. i would very much like this to not be a thing, please.

so this story starts the mid may. my last month of school. i’m suffering through just to end this bullshit. but i notice that p much every time i have to do some slightly more than normal walking, some random body part of mine will just be in this sort of dull pain.

and i just kinda go. huh. okay. ow. and brush it off. this continues. it’s pretty minor, (like barely a 1/10 on a scale) but enough for me to be mildly annoyed by it on occasion.

go to two weeks before my school lets out for summer.

i get appendicitis and have surgery for it. i’m fine. that situation went better than expected, i was just not the most comfortable.

appendicitis pain traditionally presents in the lower right quadrant of the abdomen. right next to a shit ton of nerves. and the pain i’m going through starts to affect my leg. can’t really walk without alarms going on.

it gets better. i’m not like. comfortable, but i’m just taking ibuprofen a few times a day and managing decently. 3.5/10 pain level average.

but then, as i start going out and living life as a teenager in the summer (hanging out with one person semi-regularly, and doing weird family lunches), i start to notice that most times i leave the house, i’ll come back home with some pretty decent pain in assorted parts of my body.

like my back will hurt, which i just blame on my shit posture. but then it’ll be a weird muscle connected to my ankle or some shit when i am very well known for hating any and all sports except for hockey. which i don’t play.

so i’m not doing things to pull muscles, but i’m feeling twinges of pain kind of a lot. which sucks.

but i brush it off, now consciously keeping an eye on it and taking ibuprofen when needed.

pain levels steadily rise over time, but it’s still at about a 4/10 for the most part. there’s the occasional spike to a 6, but that’s not frequent.

keep going on to mid-july. every time i leave the house, i’m feeling dull ache/twinges in multiple places and my knees feel really fucking off a lot of the time. almost like if your knees were crooked or something?? idk.

but it’s still 5.5 on the worst day. so i just kinda hesitantly mention this to my mom. who’s used to me complaining anyway, but i make it clear that it’s been going on for a while, and it feels like somethings wrong.

and she says “oh yeah we can think about seeing a doctor.”

and i just. okay! cool. fun. rad. sick. vague pain. that’s my favorite activity. i love everything about this.

but i just grit my teeth and bear it. still doing the ibuprofen thing when my ignore it and distract yourself strategy doesn’t work.

now, end of july. trucking along. i’m at least in mind discomfort pretty much all the time. sucks. hate it. i’m concerned.

go to the 31. i pull a crazy all-nighter because i have chemical imbalances in my brain and shit just happens. i stay up for like 44 hours. wild. i sit at my desk for a while, drawing and i notice “wow my left shoulder doesn’t feel that great. huh. i have been sitting here for a while.”

so i go do something else but it doesn’t feel fantastic. almost like a buzzing in parts of my back and my upper arm. on my left arm. i am right handed. don’t know what that’s about.

go to sleep sunday night, i wake up to it just being worse. (also i have some weird circulation problems because of genetics. just random shit. no pain whatsoever. just funky.)

like wtf that’s a 4 right as i’m waking up. what the actual fuck. don’t like that.

but i was raised catholic so none of us talk to each other. so i just joke about my body organizing a shitty coup d’état to a friend and chalk it up to a fucked up muscle. but it’s like kind of moving?? a bit?? weird as fuck. don’t like it. still dull pain, but certainly something that pops up into my conscious mind like 10 times a day.

i didn’t do anything would result in a pulled muscle (trust me. my school is really intense about theatre and show choir. hard core choreography in everything that i practice 3 times a week during school+whatever play/musical) so i’m really just making excuses to soothe my brain and i know it. full denial.

i took ibuprofen the first and second day. can still tell it’s happening, but it sucks less.

yesterday i play a shit ton of guitar, and i can feel my upper arm cramping up and shit (which. oW. 5.7/10. WHAT THE HELL.) even though there is no strain on my left arm except for pressing my fingertips into some strings. no shoulder shit going on.

so i try to stretch out. no help.

and then the adhd medication instead of sleeping medication debacle happens and i don’t go to bed even though i actively tried to multiple times. i write a poem instead.

hurts mildly the whole time. it starts kind of limiting the functions of my arm. which. what the actual fuck. stiff, a bit seized up in especially bad pain moments.

i get focused on writing a poem and shit i only 20 minutes to get ready to leave for my appointment.

i forgot to take any ibuprofen, and it was already reaching 5.85 levels from sitting in my room.

in the car and in the orthodontist office, my left arm is completely fucking useless to me. half of my brain at all times is focused on like “oW OW OW OW OW” because it’s reached a point where i can’t really ignore it. it’s just there now. moving it isn’t great, it sitting in place isn’t fun either.

i’m at 6.5 levels. from the round trip of like 20-ish minutes, it’s raised that much. a lot of internal dialogue about it.

on the way to the orthodontist, i’m talking to my mom about it. she, sounding kind of annoyed, asks “what, do you want to see a doctor?”. i say “honestly? yes. it’s been 3 days nonstop. steady rise. there’s something genuinely wrong. i’m concerned about it.”

it feels like someone is poking around inside my arm with electricity or some shit. whole arm. shifting localizations and slight fluctuation in pain level. rapid escalation even just today.

i explain what it feels like in less wordy terms. and she says “that’s sounds like it could be nerve-related.”

it’s been three days. i’m exhausted. this has already taken a pretty significant mental toll, let alone discomfort level.

i have a high pain tolerance. i only started actively complaining about appendicitis pain the night before it exploded. that shit festers longer than overnight. i had been i pain for half the week before i said shit. and i just kinda sucked it up until i felt like i couldn’t walk without needing hella support.

but it’s really fucking getting to me. shit ton of weird tension, buzzing. just. constant painful buzz moving around.

i express this. “it’s a non-stop pain bad enough to be something i am fully aware of at any given second. if i stare off, im probably thinking about my arm.” and she kinda dismisses it.

it’s been like an hour, and i’ve gone up to 6.8 levels multiple times. based on patterns, it’s not just gonna stop any time soon, and i’m really good at working around weird problems like this.

like i said. pain every time i go out.

i’m good at hiding when i’m not 100%, but this is beyond me. it’s like someone’s just stabbing me with tacs over and over again. on my entire left arm and on the rare occasion, part of my leg.

i’m so genuinely uncomfortable, and i would this to not be a thing anymore.

[torivikachu]

I was just listening to Hamilton AGAIN - yeah I just put it on while working all the time - and it just hit me how really relatable Hamilton (or I mean, Lin-Manuel's interpretation of him) is. well, at least for me.

if you're wondering if this is worth your time it is NOT

anybody except me likes lists? I like lists. so let's make a list!

also let's see how many quotes can I fit into this post

whoa, I am excited about it.

1. the moment he meets Aaron Burr, he just sorta searches for something to bond over. like, hey dude I heard you went to Princeton? I wanna go there too, let's bond over it! by the way, I punched someone there lol I swear I am not stupid aand Burr, like um, no, thanks really, I better go, you seem violent, my parents wanted me to go there, okay, and Ham like WHOA YOU AN ORPHAN? WOW I AM TOO IT'S LIKE FATE OR SOMETHING LETS BOND and Aaron like wtf dude just shut up

and honestly that's just me, if I meet a person I like I will latch onto anything and I get sorta...fixated? so yeah, this dialogue is relatable as fuck

2. and Alex doesn't shut up, but then he goes all or am I talking too much?

bro, your anxiety shows.

3. and he keeps ranting all through the show, but his rants seem to charm everybody while I think mine just annoy and scare away? whatever, moving on, with Washington asking him why are you upset and he's replying IM NOT like a fucking teenager and it's probably a small thing but it's relatable as hell

4. and then once he is given permission he dives and buries himself into work, never does things halfway and is eager to take on more responsibilities and do something new and is just generally non-stop and while I can only wish for same energy as he, I like to have a lot of work aswell (well I sure as hell whine about it a lot but Hamilton does too! what's with I havent slept in a week I was weak I was awake you've never seen a bastard orphan more in need of a break)

5. he's flirty and has no qualms with innuendos. and very forward with his feelings? like you strike me like a woman who has never been satisfied sounds like a pickup line that either gonna win him a lot more than a number or fail miserably. he's like going all out, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and if it takes fighting a war for us too meet it will have been worth it and like seriously? yeah, flirt with every person in the room without skipping a beat, why not? he literally said on one intake of breath mr lafayette hard rock like lancelott i think your pants look hot laurens i like you a lot. he compliments people, he just throws it out instantly, most times he meets someone for the first time he compliments them and it's kind of my strategy too? it's not even a strategy, I just blurt out everything I like about a person once I meet them. it's like embarassing, because I liked a piece of jewelery on my co-worker once, and she was talking about something important while I could barely keep up because I kept thinking wow it looks great I gotta let her know. this strange need of mine to voice all thoughts annoys even me sometimes,

6. and then again, when he is angry or doesn't like something, it's painfully obvious. I don't tend to sprout profanities to people I don't like or saying stuff like madison you mad as hatter son take your medicine or you must be out of your GODDAMN mind or you absolutely right John should have shot him in mouth that would've shut him up but I can't school my face so it is always transparent what I am thinking about so my dislike is noted and not appreciated. it got me into enough embarassing situations. actually when studied in lyceum (like a sort of highschool) we had a principal and she addressed us as children and told us to call her mom and every time I was like WHAT THE HELL. I remember her eyes landing on me one time she said that and she almost did a doubletake at my facial expression. so the I'M NOT YOUR SON sentiment is not lost on me.

7. he speaks his mind when he thinks advice is in order? um if you love this woman go get her or for once in your life take a stand with pride. I tend to do it too, because I get winded up pretty fast, and I don't think it's always wise, because it's easy to judge from outside. I am pretty much sure that is the reason one of my friends back from school stopped talking to me. she had a bit of situation with her boyfriend and I still think her boyfriend is a piece of shit and she shouldn't have accepted him back, but whatever. wasn't my place to give advice, apparently

8. he gets overexcited? gentlemen of the jury I am curious bear with me are you aware that we are making history? like really I can't imagine ever getting like that at court. well I can imagine, because I get overexcited too, but saying that out loud? i'd be mortified

9. he's never satisfied? I know I already sorta covered it already, but it's more about him eager to learn and do more and feeling that what he's done and learnt is not enough, never enough. I so feel him on this, it's like yeah sure I know 4 languages, but that can't be enough can it? yeah I've got one degree but that's just ONE DEGREE that's like minimum I gotta get more

10. I know I talk too much I'm abrasive and I am not quoting Hamilton I am talking about myself thank you very much

11. he's a whiny bitch: but they don't have a plan they just hate mine -oh yes- or whatever it is Jefferson started it -huh yes sure-

12. forgetting your sons birthday? I forget my own age, sis. these little details just escape my attention. I like forgot it was my boyfriend's birthday this year - we literally live in the same flat. it took me a couple hours and a reminder from facebook. literally. and then I'll try to get away - hahaha it's like me saying to my parents - oh sure I'll some visit in a couple of months (they live in another part of the country) and then in a half a year being like oh wow when was the last time I went home

13. oh, here comes some more heavy stuff - say no to this. I was in a couple situations where I lost this battle. I think I have some polyamorous tendencies? but I am also very posessive and jealous, yeah, not a great mix, I know. so, I might have sorta dated two girls at one time once. well, not really dated, we were just bi-curious with one? we were friends, just... um, trying things. and then at some point I met another girl and it escalated pretty quickly and we sorta got together (oh my god the whole situation was a mess I was so confused about my sexuality back then and so ashamed you have no idea) and I didn't break it off with the first girl, but it was okay since we weren't... a thing? they knew each other but had no idea I slept with both of them. well we haven't really gotten that far with the first one but. and then the other asked at some point if she's the only one I do this with and I lied and a month into this endeavor I realized it was too much and sorta stopped seeing the first girl. we also stopped being close friends pretty soon afterwards. all my "lovestories" are embarassing actually, but this one is also the one I am most ashamed of. and then there were many situations in life when I was attracted to multiple people at the same time and ugh, I don't know, I kind of hate it, honestly. cheating is not okay. it is okay if everybody is okay with the polyamorous relationship though, but I never got to do it. so, yeah Ham's a dick but so am I

and on that depressing note I wanna wrap it up because I sorta killed the mood with that story. i think that's called oversharing?

if you actually read it to this point - wtf, you have nothing better to do or what?

I am not even gonna tag it so people don't have to scroll over that shit while searching for good content really I just like writing

the whole time I've been writing this my cat just kept staring at me. unblinkingly. I can feel her JUDGING ME

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Closer (Demetri Volturi x Reader)

You had always felt fear of the Volturi from day one of staying in the castle. That didn't stop you being nice, in fact, it only encouraged you to be nice. So you wouldn't be surprised if the Volturi did or didn't know of your fear since you did your best to hide it, which some days, was just an awful attempt.

You had gotten into a stickier situation however when Demetri confessed having feelings for you. Even though it had been three weeks since he told you and it still shocked you when you thought about it. Demetri didn't push you, simply stating that you deserved to know and to do with it what you wished. Apparently ignore it until it goes away was another option that even you didn't know about. You liked Demetri, you honestly did when you could push past the fear but his diet, his abilities, they frightened you.

"(Y/N)!" You blinked to find yourself in front of Demetri's bed. He was sitting on it and giving you an odd look. "What time is it?" You asked. "It's two-thirty in the morning." "What am I doing here?" You looked at your surroundings once more. "You were sleep walking." Demetri said after a moment. You shifted. "Oh, sorry... thanks for, uh, waking me. I'll just head back now." You turned but only got a few steps towards the door before Demetri's voice stopped you. "Why are you scared of me?" He sounded pained. You froze. Of all questions he had to ask...it had to be that one? You couldn't give him an answer, you couldn't find the words. What answer did you even want to give him? 

You couldn't bring yourself to look him in the face, only managing to turn half way, eyes glued to the floor. "Why?" He asked again, still sounding pained. "I'm trying to figure out if you're capable of compassion, or kindness." You wanted to be sick. The words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them. You looked up sharply, putting a hand over your mouth. Demetri's face moved from hurt to shock and back to hurt, but even more hurt than before. "Why?" "I've never been around this before, I'm scared someone will hurt me if I'm not careful. I'm scared you're using me for some thrill or that you're not and you'll hurt me. I don't think any of you are capable of empathy." "I've been nothing but kind to you-" "To what cost!?" You might as well have ripped out Demetri's heart and stomped on it as he watched it. You wiped at the tears threatening to fall. "I'm sorry. I am. I don't want to be afraid of you and I haven't forgotten what you told me, which only makes me not want to fear you anymore." You took a step back. "I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it. I'm going to go." Demetri didn't stop you and you closed the door behind you.  You didn't lie, you didn't mean for it to come out so forwardly and it certainly wasn't the case. Sure you had doubts how in tune he was with his compassion but that didn't mean it didn't exist as you had put across. 

The next night didn't seem to go much better. Heidi had passed you dinner for the day and Demetri and Felix were in the kitchen. You picked at your food, unable to enjoy it because you were very aware of the whispering and few glances towards you. Sure you couldn't hear what they were saying, but you didn't need to. In frustration, you dropped your fork before rubbing your eyes. "Something on your mind, (Y/N)?" Felix asked. "No but it sounds like there's something on yours." "Your actions tell otherwise, so what's the issue?" Demetri said irritated. "You. You are my issue. I might be human but how dumb do you think I am to just sit here oblivious to you two talking about me. Just say it! Nothing ever stopped you in the first place!" Demetri's tense demeanor erupted into one of anger. He kept his voice low, as he moved towards the table you sat at. Felix's eyes on him.  "I told you that I love you. I also told you that I haven't told anyone that, ever. So how dare you say to me that you don't think I have a heart." Demetri growled. "Oh yeah? Then why am I still in this castle for four months, going on five- against my will?" You seethed, fear forgotten in the heat of rage that rushed through your veins. Demetri stared you down, trying his best to hold back his anger but was quickly losing. "Right, enough. Both of you, that's enough." Felix put his arm in front of Demetri, forcing him to back away. "Demetri, go get some air." Demetri was gone immediately. 

Felix crouched down beside you. "He's hurt. He wants to help you but can only do so much. He knows you didn't mean it." "I haven't been out in months, there's nothing normal about any of this and it isn't that I don't feel the same for him but I can't help but feel guilty for his actions."  “You mean... you return his feelings?” Felix looked surprised and you nodded silently. “You can’t take responsibility for him. I don’t think you know just how much he cares for you. He’s my best friend, i’ve known him for centuries and you have so much power over him. I honestly believe if you asked him to rip off his own hand, he’d have to talk himself out of doing it.”  "I don't think I'm afraid of you anymore." You said after a moment of silence. "Yeah, well, my pure masculinity tends to strike the fear in even the bravest of soldiers." You laughed in response and Felix put a hand on your shoulder. "I'll talk to him, let him calm down and no doubt he'll come and see you like the love-sick puppy he is."

Later that night, nearly half one in the morning, there was a knock at your door. You called for the visitor to come in and jumped slightly to see Demetri. “It’s late, you should probably be asleep.” Demetri said softly, as he closed your door behind him. He didn’t sound angry anymore, just sad. “I can’t sleep, no doubt i’ll regret it tomorrow.” You responded quietly. “Are you okay?” You asked. Demetri slowly nodded, not finding the will to look at you yet. “Yes.” Before he could return the question, you quickly spoke. You couldn’t help but notice how he was keeping his distance. “I owe you an apology.” Demetri was about to respond but you knew what he was about to say. “No, I do. It wasn’t your fault and you’re right. You have been one of the nicest people here. I’ll admit, what i said was a big exaggeration. All i can say for myself is that i never talked about it, so when it came out, it came out wrong and i regretted it. Im also sorry that i snapped at you earlier. There is no excuse for that and i don’t blame you for getting angry with me.” “I know.” Demetri said lowly, finally lifting his eyes to you. “Felix told me. I didn’t mean to lose my temper like that. I felt awful once i calmed down and felt even worse when Felix told me you felt guilty.” “Can i call a truce then?” You cracked a smile and Demetri couldn’t help the corner of his lip turning upwards. “I’ll stand for that.” He responded.  “What did Felix tell you earlier on?” “Just that you didn’t mean it and that you told him what had been on your mind. It wasn’t his business to tell me, so he didn’t say much.” “Then i should tell you what else i said.” You prepared yourself.  “You don’t have to.” Demetri responded.  “I do and i want to. I think you should know.” You purposefully used his words on him as he did when he confessed to you. A piece of you hoped he’d catch on but he didn’t seem to. You patted the bed, your hand on the spot in front of you. “Come and sit with me, instead of being all the way over there. You’re closer to the equator than me.” Demetri laughed a little but was sitting with you in a moment. You took a breath, working up the courage to tell him. “Felix told you all but the most important part- which im kind of thankful for. It’d be strange otherwise.” You took another breath. “I told Felix that not only did i feel guilty about what you did for moral reasons but also because i also have feelings for you. I just didn’t know how to deal with them.” Demetri looked surprised. “You...you do?” “Oh yeah.” You nodded. “I mean, im just going to take Felix’s advice and just go with it because i literally do not know what else to do. The whole, ignore it just isn’t working and its making us both unhappy.” You felt yourself becoming emotional, relieved and scared that you had let everything out into the open and in turn, out of your control. You pressed a hand to you face, shaking your head. “I’m sorry.” Your muffled voice said from behind your hand. “It just feels so much better to have it all out.”  “I bet.” Demetri smiled in sympathy, it was sad to see how much you had kept bottled up. He sighed and leaned forward resting his head on your shoulder, eyes shut and pulling you closer to him, his hand meeting the other side of your head as you let another few tears fall.  

After you had calmed down, he looked up at you. “Hey, look at me.” You turned to him. His hand moved to your cheek as he kissed you gently. After a moment, you kissed him back, wrapping an arm around his neck and leaning closer to him. He pulled away and held you close to him. “We’ll take this as slow as you want, only until you’re ready and i’m going to help you get through this.”

Felix was in his room, grinning to himself before saying quietly. “That’s my boy.” Demetri had finally got his mate, no one could tell Felix otherwise.

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

Does she like me or am I reading too much into it?

So I’m a 21 year old lesbian and I’ve basically been in love with my best friend (let’s call her Q) for like four or five years now and I have taken great pains to ensure that she never ever finds out. I just never wanted to put our friendship at risk (among other reasons)

I took her out to a bar recently (so she could rant about this girl who basically broke her heart) and the alcohol made us both recklessly honest. Told her that I almost asked her out in High School on several occasions. Learned that she would have said yes if I asked her out at that time AND that she was super jealous of most of my female friends. We had this period in the conversation where we were just complimenting each other on how attractive the other was and I thought we were flirting, but then Q hit me with a, “But I would NEVER date you NOW. Its not like that anymore.” And I had to backtrack a little like, “haha yea….same.”

Now the thing that’s confusing me is that…she crashed at my place that night and was like, “Why are you sleeping on the floor? Sleep in the bed with me?” as if that’s something we normally do?? (and no, I did not crawl into bed with her. My ass stayed on the FLOOR)  And ever since that night, we have been texting and calling waaay more often than we did before. She sends me a message basically every night asking how my day was, and not even my ex did that when we were together!! Its making me feel so many things and I cant tell if:

1. She’s clinging to me right now because I’m the only other person on the planet earth that knows she’s getting her heart broken by this girl and she really needs my support as a friend

2. She’s on the rebound from the aforementioned heartbreak

3. IM the one reading too much into it because I just want her to like me so so much

4. She likes me and I like her and we’re both being enormous idiots

This is all very low stakes and melodramatic but its been taking up most of my thoughts recently. My question is basically, what do you think is happening on her end and how should I proceed? Thank you <3

___________

REPLY

It's hard to say what exactly may be going on here with your situation. I would imagine it's some sort of situation in between the various examples that you have provided here. Is she clinging to her best friend due to heartbreak? Seems likely, especially when y'all are getting drunk and being heartfelt to each other. No shame in that.

Is she on a rebound? It's POSSIBLE. You know her better than I do. Is she the sort of person to rebound off people? The vibe I'm getting off you is not necessarily, but it's not out of the realm of possibility. I generally advise against assuming people are just rebounding, but I'm also a slightly gullible person, so take what I say right here with regards to this particular issue with a grain of salt and as an opinion rather than advice.

Beyond that singular issue, are you reading into this? Almost DEFINITELY. You're invested, you love this person, so you're going to nitpick whether you want to or not. You're biased. That's not a bad thing; just be aware that you're biased so that you don't spin yourself around in circles by accident looking at all the details in favour of the bigger picture. This also applies to whether or not she likes you.

I can't tell you what's going on in her position, as I'm no mind-reader. But from our perspective, here looking at her actions, I would say that you're pretty free to experiment here! You're great friends with her, and you know the stakes. You also know that in her drunken, vulnerable state, that she said she wouldn't date you. That's an important note! But perhaps she was just being drunk or shy. There's no real way to know, because again, we lack awesome mind-reading abilities. It's also possible that she just doesn't see you as an option now. She could be saying, "I would do that now!" assuming you have your own romantic things going on, or that you couldn't possibly like her that way anymore, or that she's just completely oblivious. We have no way to confirm or deny anything with those regards. But we do know that she did say, veritably, that she wouldn't date you. Just bear that to mind.

Okay, but what about all this vaguely romantic behaviour from her? Well, it definitely SEEMS vaguely romantic. Again, maybe you just have a really good rapport, and she's comfortable doing all this stuff. Maybe she also feels happy that you took care of her while she wasn't in a fantastic state, and she's treating you like a romantic partner because it's helping her cope with the break-up. Remember, not too long ago, she was likely doing this exact same thing with her now ex. Maybe you're just filling a void.

What do? You really have two options: continue as normal or ask her out. If you're happy with this status quo, and there's no shame in that, then just be a great friend with her and change nothing. Yeah, you might always pine for this girl. But at the end of the day, if you don't want to risk the friendship and are happy with things how they are, you can let her do her own thing and just have a great time as a bestie.

However, if you think the risk is worth the reward, you can approach her again! This time, do it while not drunk, ideally in person. You can even reference the exact moment she said she wouldn't date you. "Hey, remember what we were talking about when we were drunk? I was curious how seriously you meant that, because I definitely do have some feelings for you." If she says she was serious, and she wouldn't date you, just let her know you got confused and didn't mean to make things awkward, and you can move on! And hey, if she's willing to consider the option legitimately and soberly, well that only works in both of your favours!

[gg-astrology]

Could you do a post on Aries sun + Aquarius moon? Only if you want to though! - ✨

Hey there!!! 💕💕💕💕 Aaaah yes I want to!! 💕💕 Thank u for waiting!! 💕💕

[Below Cut: Aries Sun - Aquarius Moon 🌅 ]

They’re so dynamic internally, like phew! and it shows outside sometimes as well

Lots of mental energy that’s characteristic in them. They often have a clear sight-vision and that Aries helps narrow the mental energy into tunnel, push out that bzzz bzzz into a direction to move forward with/get going!

Lots of practicality but like--- grounded in the material world you know? They’re the type of person who would be good at writing directions on wikihow if they ever find a purpose in it for them 

Trying to relate to them through creativity/vague stuff is impossible, although they’re highly imaginative-- most of that is centered around the material world/things they can think/see and not in complete fantasy. 

One of those people who seems (to others) that they are aware of their resources, their senses and their action directs/impacts the context of the situation directly (great sense-of self) 

These people in life generally has more executive functions than most others do, although they can rarely appreciate this because they’re them. Others look to them with lots of admiration and also a slight bit of intimidation bc they can seem so flawless irl. 

Since they can have little to no problem putting their brain to work (figure things out) and then using that to get actual results/function properly-- that’s the power they hold that others don’t (surprise?!) and it’s something they’re not consciously aware of as a gift/blessing to them because--- well, they don’t know what it’s like to be fully internal/emotionally sometimes. 

They don’t do things carelessly, or rather they won’t start on it until their brain works out everything you know?

Like that’s their gate-way, that’s their pre-caution. ‘Aquarius bzzz bzzzz’ is the main energy these people tends to exude. Especially since after ‘Aquarius bzzz bzzz’ works itself out, Aries takes action (according to plan, all the heavy-loading is in Aquarius– Aries just supports it)

However, this lends itself to you being a bit tunnel-visioned and on occasion, your Aquarius serves as part of your anxiety (because Aries is just waiting for a command) 

Your Aquarius is like your ‘center’ now– so everything that comes out of it can take some time waiting for you. To figure it out yourself (exhausting, fatigue, you need to rest too because you’re putting so much dependence on Aquarius and it can’t DO everything for you)

You’re so speedy because of this, but at the same time things that are ‘backed up’ or in the ‘cue’ to get figured out takes longer because of your– y know, normal bodily needs as well (such as rest, wait, time, things you can’t control/direct yourself)

You have great sense of intuition though, this isn’t ‘felt’ so much like the water signs. But it’s ‘given to you’ for you to use because of your Aries/Aquarius combination

It helps as part of your ‘resources’– like an advice from friend, you’re quite decisive and may not like going back on yourself. But this would also mean you may lack a lil flexibility because your brain gets a whiplash trying to flow back to what you did/how you got there and why you made said decisions sometimes (hard time remember the experience/process you went through, kinda like water trying to flow up instead of down) 

Mmm because you’re very ‘forward’ vision and movement tho, it makes other people see you as straight-forward. Very focused and trail blazing too. 

When I say trail blazing i mean it like—-you like exploring/making your own path to an extent, but it has to have a purpose for it. Like something that you have to do and this is how you figure it out so you just do it. And then you only realized ‘oh it’s different from the norm’ later.

It’s unexpected even for yourself, but you generally tend to not dwell too much on it. Looking for other things you can do/explore instead.

You can also get kinda moody, just because Aries is waiting for commands doesn’t mean it doesn’t get impatient. Sometimes you’re moody at yourself, not at others for taking so long to do something. (The pace you normally go it is fast, so this frustration is like— you’re not keeping to the usual tempo/pattern and it frustrates you)

Sometimes you’re moody at others, mostly because they’re not ‘doing it right/taking action/looking out for themselves’

Especially those who has a harder time ‘doing things in general’ (im thinking about Pisces or Virgo) sometimes you just want to grab their hands and just use it for them to show them how. Because you think ‘oh if it’s just doing then why not?’ and want to sometimes do it for them (even if you generally don’t try to bc they ‘have to learn it themselves’) 

The thing with ‘pace/tempo’ however, is that it compromises you a lot. Not just personally but like– with others as well.

You might notice that you don’t like things being ‘out of tempo/pace’ and you tend to get emotionally frustrated because of it. Learn– how to ‘listen’ to others and accept them.

Listening doesn’t mean constantly thinking/comparing it to yourself and a checkbox of ‘nah that’s not me it doesn’t apply/cant relate’ – listening means being open, tolerant and just as equal as others when it comes to learning about their experience.

You may pride yourself in being humanitarian, but you should also learn how to be open-hearted and not just open-mind. Being open-hearted will actually teach you how to not be bias, and will help you grow into a more compassionate and maybe less detached/autonomous person.

Aaaah you might also realize you’re very very individualistic. Like you need that space, to work and do things for yourself. This is amazing and good! because you do work at a faster pace/can get productive things done without others. 

But it’ll weigh on your social skills and interpersonal behaviour– since you’d put yourself first before others sometimes (like with personal relationships/close friends— sometimes you gotta listen to them/be there for them first instead of letting your own excitement/emotionality slide onto them/weigh them down in the relationship y know. Equalize, the give and taking. Not just what you ‘can give’ to them– but learn how to be there for them in the way that they are too. You can adapt, you just gotta change your mindset a lil)

If you ever get grumpy/angry —you might notice that your anger goes away pretty quickly while your grumpy does not. The thing between these two is balance. While your anger my go away, it doesn’t solve the long term problem of it flaring up pretty quickly and making you ‘explode’ sometimes (*depends on the person if it does) try to understand it and resolve the issue. Like whether it’s you personally or the situation/others. If it’s in the others/context, you might want to evaluate and think about a different perspective in yourself.

Grumpy emotion is mostly (like I said) your Aquarius Moon feeling blocked. So try to find some friends to help smooth that over, or maybe other air friends who can help you resolve it. You just gotta need to balance, and try not to be so focused on pacing yourself (to make up for your ‘unpredictability’ outward persona as well, try not to keep ‘constrains’ on yourself on which side does what (external/internal) because then— it becomes your ‘ultimatum’ and that’s the whole cause of your moods and explosion/inflexibility internally/emotionally)   

I hope u enjoy??;; 💕💕💕 thanks for dropping by!!! 💕💕💕

[lovenotesuggestions]

anyone know what to do when you like a guy and you dont know if hes gay/bi and youre a trans dude but he thinks youre a cis guy even though you dont really pass... i think he might like me back but he might be straight and not realize that hes acting kinda gay.. idk how to tell him im trans without it being weird 🤢😭rip

I’ll preface this with a disclaimer that I’m not a trans guy so I can’t say any of this from experience, and my partner already knew each other’s trans status before we got together and knew each other before we came out. Other blogs who might be able to give you more insight include @trans-guy-positive @gaytransmen and @transguysuggestions off the top of my head (this obviously isn’t an exhaustive list- there are dozens of incredible blogs on this website centred around trans guys), but if any of my followers have any helpful advice or know of any resources, both on the sexuality and gender identity issues, feel free to send in an ask or reply to this post!

I’ll put this under a cut because it’s quite long.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation! Dating as a trans person can be difficult, but you aren’t obligated to disclose your trans status to anybody. Obviously it’s something that will have to come up sooner or later in a committed relationship- in my view, it’s important to be honest and open with committed romantic partners, and having the support of a partner can be very helpful, as well as it being relevant if you plan to have a sexual relationship etc. BUT that being said, you aren’t obligated to give someone a disclaimer that you’re trans before entering a relationship- if they’re the right person for you, then it won’t be a deal-breaker. That being said, I can completely understand the desire to disclose that before you get with someone, so that telling them doesn’t cause avoidable issues in the future. 

It’s ultimately up to you and what you find comfortable. A good way to test the waters is to bring up trans people in conversation- Chelsea Manning for instance has been in the news a lot recently, or show him pictures of any trans actors/celebrities/youtubers etc. you know of to see if he finds them attractive regardless of being trans (best to do this in a lighthearted way, maybe as a “wow xyz guy is hot, you wouldn’t know he was transgender” or something like that, presuming he knows that you aren’t straight.) Also, if you have any mutual friends who you feel you can trust, you could ask them if they know anything about his views on trans people, and pass it off as you having a trans friend and wanting to make sure it wouldn’t be weird if you invited them to something, etc. These kinds of testing-the-waters sort of conversations can give you a better idea of how he might react to you coming out to him, and better inform your decision on whether you want to do so. 

If you do decide to tell him, it’s best to do this alone, but in a public place, such as a park or a bus stop, somewhere that either of you can get away from if need be, and being in public but somewhere a little private is a good precaution just in case it does go badly- people are less likely to freak out if others will see them doing so. Again, I would say refer to other trans resources for more help on coming out- there are a lot of great trans male youtubers with videos about coming out, such as jammidodger and Sam Collins- I’m sure there are plenty of others too, but this is just off the top of my head. It’s good to be direct, and be prepared with resources or information if he’s not totally up on what it means to be trans. But also try not to make too huge a deal out of it- if you bring it up as a kind of “By the way, I wasn’t sure if you were aware, but I’m actually transgender, and I wanted you to know. Being trans means xyz, I’ve been living as male since xyz time, but it doesn’t change the person I am, it just means the doctor said the wrong thing when I popped out and I’m working on fixing that” etc., it won’t seem like a massive thing that your friend needs to make a big deal out of, or at least in theory that should be the case. 

As for the sexuality thing, I’d once again advise a low-key approach to this. This once again isn’t my area of expertise because I have a super queer friend group, but a simple litmus test is once again, talking about xyz male celebrity or influential figure and asking him if he thinks they’re hot, and if he says yes, dropping a casual “so you into guys then?” If you live in an area where it’s not super accepted to be gay, it’s a good idea to once again do this in a private space, and perhaps offer up the information that you aren’t straight, which might make him more likely to trust you with info about his sexuality. But obviously this is by no means the only way you can do this, how you go about it depends on how close you are as friends and your level of comfort- do what feels appropriate. 

Once again, I invite any followers who might have any advice or any relevant stories to send them in, they might be of help!

Good luck, I hope everything works out in your favour!! 💕

[oakmd]

professor oak’s rp plotting cheat-sheet!

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mod name: :v OOC Contact: Tumblr IM; but if we’re mutuals I’ll give you my discord! I have Skype too, but I don’t really use it much. 

WHO IS HE:

 Professor Oak is a renowned Pokémon Professor most notably known for his invention of the Pokédex, his Welcome To The World of Pokémon! lecture / documentary and his extensive research surrounding the relationships between pokémon and people. He’s a very recognizable icon in the pokéworld; it would be impossible not to know who he is. 

Alternatively, while he’s mostly known for being a scientist, he has wide recognition for his Pokémon poetry. He also does regular recordings with DJ Mary at Goldenrod Radio Tower. 

The Professor resides in Pallet Town, Kanto, in one of the world’s most impressive laboratory reserve - stretching across acres upon acres of land, built entirely to replicate all types of pokémon’s natural habitats and terrains. 

As a former pokémon trainer ( as well as Kanto Champion ), he has one grandson, Gary Oak, who is also former pokémon trainer, but is now currently on the path to becoming a Scientist himself, specializing in fossil revival.

Points of interest:

My portrayal of Professor Oak is mostly anime-based. This means I do not consider game function as canon or as character trait (ex. Professor Oak forgetting his grandson’s name. I have heard this joke enough to last me a lifetime, please Don’t™.) However, I include some elements of the manga/game, I guess, but usually only to fill in the many gaps untouched in the anime. With that being said, Green / Blue / Red and even Daisy do not exist. I have exceptions of interactions with some people, but it does not fall under my Main Canon and is more of some weird, blended AU, lol. 

Professor Oak is a 50+ year old man. On top of that, a parent and a grandparent. Because of this, most of the time ( not always ) he will naturally be more intuitive and perceptive to situations than a younger muse might be. He has had many, many life experiences to draw from that he applies to current context; empathizing and offering advice comes easy. With that being said, please communicate with me if I’ve crossed a line with this; I won’t take offense!

Professor Oak has interacted with legendary Pokémon. See: Celebi, ft. Suicune. Professor Oak is not immune to... strange occurrences. He’s interacted with the legendary pokémon Celebi ( and Suicune ) when he was a young boy. However, I portray this muse as someone that has seen much more ( of the unexplainable, not necessarily legendaries ), yet appreciates them within the comfort of his own privacy. 

Professor Oak has very high public status! While the man certainly lives his life as a regular person, his life is anything but. Hailing from Kanto and living peacefully in Pallet Town, Samuel’s demeanor is very humble, but his Net Worth is one of the highest, given his important influence, multi-faceted popularity and on-going relevancy among the citizens of the poké-universe. It goes without saying that he has made some of the most important contributions to the field of science and world of pokémon, but he is also sort of a pop culture “idol”. His name is attached to hundreds of awards, recognitions, lifetime achievements, entertainment achievements. Whatever there is to do, Professor Oak does it all: Scientist, Writer, Artist, Humanitarian, Pokémon Professor, TV Host, Radio Host, University Lecturer, Motivational Speaker, Activist, League Advisor, Parent. There is nothing he won’t dive into if it’s for the greater good.  List of Awards: here. 

What they’ve been up to recently:

*POST-CANON. Same ol’, same ol’. Professor Oak has many years left in him yet! You can still find him on his happy little hill in Pallet Town doing what he does best: giving trainers their starters, and babysitting those same 9482536 kids under his care. Including, but not limited to all the 3948357927682294 pokémon he and - everyone’s favorite personal assistant son - Tracey Sketchit share responsibility for. His life will pretty much be the same, as it has been; the perks of being old and well-adjusted.  *I use ‘post canon’ loosely. My default timeline is ongoing with the show itself, but since time never seems to progress, I’ve taken it upon myself to lazily assume some years have passed since S1E1 ( hence why I say Oak is 50+ rather than actually 50 ). 

MULTI-VERSE. If you are a non-pokémon muse, Professor Oak will happily accept that you’re simply not someone from his universe. As mentioned above, stranger things have happened to him. Because of his own experiences, he’s very open-minded about the possibilities the universe has up it’s sleeve. I like to think of his corral and his lab are portal spots for the unknown to materialize. Maybe a point deep in the mountain and forest terrain. Or perhaps from the forest ( between Kanto and Johto ) where Celebi dwells. This concept isn’t necessary to follow for the multi-verse, just a suggestion! TL;DR Let Professor Oak be your away-from-home grandpa, he has lots of Experience™.

Where to find them:

DEFAULT VERSE. There are a lot of places to find the ever-active Professor Oak. However, the top three most common places are: his research lab ( corral included ) in Pallet Town, Kanto, Goldenrod Radio Tower, and Celadon University. Because he is so famous, he can be anywhere, though. Whether it’s doing charity work, raising awareness, doing lectures, being a guest at internships, working with media across regions, visiting other pokémon professors, being on a much needed vacation, traveling for work. Pretty much, wherever your muse is, I can find a reason for Professor Oak to be there. 

POST-COLLEGE. I don’t actually have a ‘verse’ for this but it takes place shortly after Samuel finishes grad school and takes position as Kanto’s Pokémon Professor. He’s the first one to reside in Pallet Town. The lab itself is still under renovation; he’s moved back home after being away for years at school, and still trying to mourn the loss of his fiancé. He’s a single father, struggling to balance work and parenthood, but he gets by. ( Further down this timeline, about thirteen years later, he suffers the loss of his children, and becomes the guardian of his grandson, Gary Oak. )

To find Professor Oak is the other ‘verses’ from the Offered / Desired sections, just ask. 

Current plans:

Keeping busy. Professor Oak is a very goal-oriented person and although he finds relaxation necessary, he also prefers to be active. His hands are always full running the biggest pokémon lab, but he’s always throwing himself into new projects of all kinds of varieties.

Travel and meet new people. Ever the social butterfly, the Professor is always welcoming new faces to his growing list of companions. Although his reasons for traveling are no longer for becoming a Pokémon Champion, he finds that there are plenty of things he hadn’t quite noticed or appreciated before. It’s interesting to see how some things have changed, and for others, how they’ve stayed the same. It’s all for business purposes of course ( mostly ), but coming full circle provides closure for memories he’d only reminisced about for years after he graduated from college. 

Supporting Gary. As his grandson begins his journey in the field of science, Professor Oak prioritizes helping him adjust and giving him the support he needs.

Otherwise, the plans depend on what your muse brings. :O

Desired interactions:

Retired Oak! Literally everything is the same except he’s wearing tropical shirts and jorts. B^) Alola cruise, anyone?

Alzheimer’s Oak! LISTEN, I KNOW.. ... .. Game-mechanic jokes aside, lmao - I have no real excuse. It just hurts so good. ;^(

Grandpa Oak. I’m sure raising Gary and Ash was nothing but and Experience™.

TRACEY. MY PURE ASSISTANT SON -

College. What goes on in college, stays in college. College timeline: here.

Celebi, Again! Starring... Professor Oak! B^) Swapped into the body of his younger self. How does he fix this? Calamity ensues.

Dr. Fuji, Who? No, Professor Oak isn’t part of Team Rocket but he did get roped into helping them create MewTwo with the desperate attempt to also bring his family back to life. Did I rip that from Dr. Fuji? Yes I did, and I don’t care, let me live -

Team Rocket? Or, alternatively, he does work for Team Rocket with this ridiculous concept that he was blackmailed into working for them post-grad because of his unremarkable intelligence and promise. While his public face is the friendly Professor Oak everyone knows and loves, his lab holds darker secrets, the darkest being that he could no loner resist their persistence in making him comply, after they staged his children’s death as an innocent car accident. : ) ... Anyway, 

Persistent Press. Be annoying and invasive. Start scandals. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Unrequited. Get rejected by the notorious man himself. He will be gentle.

Agatha. How dare you,

CROSSOVERS!!!

Offered interactions:

Are you a Pokémon Trainer™ or some other kind of pokémon-specializing person ( pokémon watcher, photographer, breeder, ranger, etc. )? Ring up your Professor when Officer Jenny arrests you for something he told you not to do in the first place so he can judge you with a proper scolding. For the others, show him your talents and skills! If you’re not a Kanto Trainer, I’m sure one of the other Professors can send you his way, either to drop something off / pick something up / for general help, etc. and he’s always excited to meet his colleagues’ kiddos. Also excited to see others contribute to the world of pokémon in some way! He loves pokémon and humans interacting! 

Are you a Pokémon Professor? Doctor, Nurse? Let’s gather ‘round and be stressed about Ash our reckless trainers. But also drinking and karaoke! Pokémon Discourse™. Camping retreats. Boring, obligatory conferences. Peer Review. Or maybe you just need a little advice from one of the pokéworlds more experienced Professors! Unless you’re Professor Rowan - in that case you’re BFFs that get into shenanigans nobody would ever believe. 

Are you a Science Major? Limited internships available for college students.

Do you live in Pallet Town? Hi, neighbor! B^) Professor Oak ( and Tracey ) most likely talk to you in passing, should it occur. ( Please message me about pre-established relationships first. ) Common places include, the mart, post office, movie theaters, etc.

Summer Camp? Boom, Professor Oak has summer camp for the kiddos at his corral. 

Are you a big idolizer of Professor Oak? Lucky for you, there’s more than one way to be a fan! You can reach him via fanmail, @’ing him on social media, finding his personal phone number from some sketchy fan forum, hogging up the radio show hotline, stalking his schedule to make each appearance panel, hovering outside around his lab, stealing candid photos, bombarding him in public with intrusive questions, shoving your notepad out for an autograph... You can even be one of those weird people who try to proclaim your love to ‘celebrities’ too old for you that you know little about. Who knows what this poor man will do?

Are you into Traditional Kanto / Johto? You may share the same passions if you’re into calligraphy, ikebana, haiku, tea ceremonies, etc. 

Are you a Celadon University Student? Feel free to talk to your Intro To Pokémon ( or Pokémon Sociology 101, etc. ) Professor about anything unclear about assignments, to offer questions or concerns... or try to make excuses for not turning in homework and being late, you lazy student. :T Doubles as an Unofficial Guidance Counselor to said students even though that’s not his job - but he can’t help it, he’s a parent before he’s a Professor.

Are you a child associated with Make-A-Wish Foundation? Professor Oak offers terminally-ill children the opportunity to choose their starters, and spend time with their favorite idol. : (

Are you affiliated with the media? All press can inquire about guest speakings, giveaways, promotions, advertisement deals, interviews, volunteer work, hosting/co-hosting, etc. and Professor Oak will get back to you at his earliest convenience. This INCLUDES those working at Goldenrod Radio Tower!

Are you a business person? Politician? High-Profile Celebrity / Figure? Meet Professor Oak at a Gala! Or any other formal event. Feel free to offer business negotiations, inquire about his residence, or other sketchy things. :v 

Are you affiliated with Kanto’s Pokémon League? Albeit not as recently involved as per usual, he’s an advisor, so he and your muse are at least associates, if not more.

Are you one of the developers that helped with the Pokédex? Nerds will be nerds.

Do you know Samuel from his days prior to being Professor Oak? Whether it be from childhood, training days, or college, they all matter. ( I’m aware this is highly unlikely because nobody RP’s old pokémon muses, but with that being said, I’m open to interacting with kids / grandkids of the aforementioned. )

Are you Team Rocket a villain? Have you reached your Kidnap-A-Scientist quota today? 

Current open post/s:

I had very few, but I’m too lazy to look for them. Plotting is probably better. /gestures to this post

Anything else?:

Threading is not limited to this list. I’m always open to more ideas!  

I’m not sure what the huge difference is between the Desired / Offered interactions -

You don’t need a pokémon verse to interact with me! 

Your muse does not need to idolize Professor Oak to interact with him.

CROSSOVERS.

Tagged by: i stole this from @undinaes

Tagging: Whoever sees this!

[sage-nebula]

oh man im really loving those posts about alan's lost parents coming for him and stirring all kinds of trouble. you think this is something ash can help alan with at some point with some input? given the novelization's canon of him having a dad that vanished out of shame due to being a shitty trainer and all. maybe something to help alan settle his resolve on staying with those that are truly important to him? taisetsu mono, right? or is this something that alan and sycamore work out themselves?

Thank you! I put quite a bit of thought into Alan’s parents / heritage, so I’m really happy you like the posts! ♥

I don’t think Ash would help Alan with this, only because by this point Ash is either back in Kanto, or possibly even already in Alola. (It depends on how long he stayed in Kanto before traveling to Alola, but you get the idea. This takes place somewhere around that time, post-XY(&Z) and around the beginning-ish of SM.) Since there’s already an ocean between them, Ash isn’t around to notice that something’s up with Alan, and thus he’s not really in a position to ask. Alan also isn’t the type to call up someone else to talk about his problems; it’s one thing if Ash notices and asks him, because we see in canon that Alan is willing to share his feelings with Ash if Ash asks him directly. But even Ash isn’t someone that Alan will actually call to talk about his problems with. He wouldn’t want to put that on Ash’s shoulders, especially not out of the blue. So unfortunately, in this regard Ash wouldn’t be able to offer any advice, because he wouldn’t know about it. He’s off in Kanto / Alola, completely oblivious that any of this is happening. =/

(I do think that Ash would, however, have some interesting thoughts / feelings on it if he did hear about it, though. I mean, at this point I don’t even think he knows that Sycamore is Alan’s (unofficially) adoptive father; while I think he has come a long way from his obliviousness when it came to recognizing that Sabrina’s father was her father, and while he no doubt picked up on the fact that Sycamore and Alan are very, very close (he picked up on the fact that Manon was important to Alan, after all, and he had only spent about twenty minutes around Manon, if that!), I don’t think he’s aware of their actual relationship, beyond the fact that Sycamore asked Alan to come work at the lab again. So I think he might at first be surprised to hear that Alan is actually an orphan, and then would fall back into some complicated feelings, because his father did walk out on him and Delia and he has never known the man. There are times, I think, when Ash thinks that he’d like to see his father again, but then I also think there might be a lot of resentment buried deep down, because Ash’s father left Delia to be a single teenage mother, and while Delia has done a wonderful job raising Ash, and while he no doubt feels that their family is perfect just the way it is, I think that Ash is also perceptive enough to know that things were hard for Delia at times, that even though she’s always done her best to keep smiling and persevere, and even though he did his best to try and be easy to take care of, it was still hard for her to manage the restaurant and take care of him at the same time, and his dad left them to that, and never called or anything. So when he thinks about that, I think he might feel angry, and feels sort of like “good riddance” to his dad, and hopes he never meets him. But then he also kind of wants to, especially since he doesn’t know that his dad is a garbage trainer, since Delia tells him that his dad is a wonderful trainer and would be proud of him … and so on and so forth, it’s complicated. So I think Ash would think on it for a while, and would feel kind of complicated, especially when he thinks of situations like how Brock’s dad, Flint, came back to take care of the family and Brock gave him that chance, or how Sabrina’s father was always hanging around in case she could be helped, et cetera. I think ultimately he would, as you say, say that he thinks Alan should stay with Sycamore, that family’s not so much who you’re related to by blood, but who you care about in your heart. Your family is what you make it, you know? Like, Professor Oak’s not actually his grandpa, but he’s always kinda been a grandpa to him since he never met his actual grandparents for whatever reason, and so he considers Professor Oak family even if they aren’t actually family. And Brock’s like his big brother, which means he guesses that he also has ten little brothers and sisters thanks to all of Brock’s younger siblings, and it doesn’t matter that they’re not blood related because they’re still family. So in that sense, Ash would think that things should follow for Alan the same way, that even if his biological parents are back, if he doesn’t feel like they’re his family, then they don’t have to be. I definitely think that Ash’s feelings would fall along those lines, and he’d say so if asked, but since he’s not around he can’t really be asked about it, alas. :/)

That was a really long aside, haha. Anyway, this would be something that Alan would work out mostly on his own, and I say “mostly” because there is one living being on this planet that Alan does talk to without prompting with whatever’s on his mind, and that’s Lizardon. We actually see the two of them talk numerous times in canon, both in TSME and in the main series, and we know that Alan understands the feedback that Lizardon gives him, because sometimes the things that Lizardon says take Alan by surprise for a moment before he reacts: 

This was after his first battle with Ash, in XYZ013. I like to think that Lizardon was commenting on Alan’s clear, genuine happiness, and that’s why Alan was so taken aback. He didn’t even realize how genuinely happy he was feeling as a result of the battle, even as he said it was excellent. But when Lizardon pointed out it, Alan was taken aback as the awareness hit him … and then he closes his eyes and smiles, because yes, Lizardon is right. We also see them talk after Alan’s second battle with Ash, at the end of the episode by the campfire, wherein Alan is still in a very good mood after the battle earlier and receiving a positive message from Manon, and talks about how he’s nostalgic for the days back at the Professor’s lab, and how they need to continue to get stronger to protect what’s important to them. So we know that Alan talks freely with Lizardon about his feelings, and also that he understands the feedback he gets in response (and sometimes doesn’t even need it verbalized; in TSME 4, after his fight with Manon, he says to Lizardon, “You look like you want to say something,” but since the next battle is about to start, Lizardon huffs, shakes his head, and turns to face the fight instead). So I think that, in this situation, he would absolutely go straight to Lizardon to talk about it, no doubt while they’re out on their flight after the dinner he had with his parents (or even like, they fly somewhere, land, and then he talks about it). They would probably have a good, long talk about it; Alan would tell Lizardon everything that had happened, and after Lizardon got over the initial surprise (he would have never even thought something like this was possible; the only parent Lizardon has ever known Alan to have is Sycamore, even if Alan doesn’t call him “Dad”), he would listen as Alan went into his personal feelings on the subject, as he talked about how conflicted he felt, how he wants to stay (and wants the Professor to adopt him, has always wanted the Professor to adopt him, wishes he could be good enough for the Professor to adopt him but knows he isn’t, especially now), but how he feels like maybe he has a responsibility to his parents to give them the chance they’re asking for, maybe he’s being selfish or cold, maybe he’s once again hurting people he has no business hurting. Maybe it’s wrong of him to stay because that puts a burden on the Professor as well, puts the lab at risk, et cetera. Maybe his parents showing up isn’t about him, but maybe it’s a way for him to stop putting the Professor at risk and leave without forcing the Professor to kick him out, since the Professor’s too good of a person to do that. Alan would think and feel all of these things, and he would talk about them with Lizardon, because Lizardon is the one he speaks most freely to about whatever it is he’s burdened with. And Lizardon would listen, but then he would give his strong, equally as blunt opinions right back, that they don’t know these people and Alan isn’t required to do anything with or for them, and hasn’t Alan already given up and sacrificed enough for other people? He’s done it constantly over the past two years, and honestly—

“It’s not like that. You make it sound like a bad thing. I was doing what was—what I thought was right.”

‘But it wasn’t.’

“No, but only because I was stupid enough to be fooled by the Director. It wasn’t wrong to protect the Professor, Manon, and everyone else. It was wrong to listen to the Director. There’s a difference.”

‘You’re not stupid, and enough sacrifice is enough—’

And so on. I think that talking to Lizardon would help a lot, and would help Alan reach a conclusion, not so much about whether it’s right or wrong to sacrifice to protect the people he loves (and Alan would point out that it’s not like Lizardon wasn’t right there by his side, so honestly Lizardon has no room to talk—and Lizardon would fire (ha) back with, well, obviously he was, what, does Alan think Lizardon is going to leave him? No, that’s never going to happen, and Lizardon is pretty sure Alan damn well knows that, and so on and so forth), but about what to do in this situation. He would still be feeling stressed out about it by the time he gets home that night, which is why he pretty much comes home, takes a shower, and then goes to bed, but talking with Lizardon definitely would have helped him get his thoughts in order, and reach a conclusion about what it is he should do—about what the Right thing to do is, even though it’s hard for him to trust himself on that now after everything that happened with Lysandre. (And given that he’s Gryffindor down to his core, the fact that the Team Flare situation has shaken his faith in his internal moral compass is extremely troubling and damaging to him. It’s part of why he needs that sounding board from Lizardon to be sure—or at least as sure as he can be—that he’s making the right decision. And even then, there’s still some doubt …)

As far as Sycamore goes, Sycamore actually wouldn’t steer him one way or the other, for two reasons. One, Alan isn’t going to be forthright about this. As we’ve seen, Sycamore typically has to work to get Alan’s feelings out of him, because Alan doesn’t want to burden him any more than he already thinks he has. If Sycamore simply asks “how are you feeling?” he gets an “I’m fine” in response. Anything beyond that is a result of gentle probing, and Sycamore setting up the situation so that they can talk about it. Alan won’t seek him out and volunteer that information as he will with Lizardon, and he won’t answer on the first try like he will with Ash. With this situation in particular, though, Sycamore feels that it’s not really his place to pry. He asked Alan how things went when Alan came back to the lab the first time (after dinner with his parents, before his flight with Lizardon), and Alan simply said things were fine before he left again. Sycamore can tell that Alan doesn’t really feel fine, and he’s concerned about that, but this is a really sensitive matter and he doesn’t want to push if Alan doesn’t feel like sharing. And that kind of hurts, and he has some doubt, and he feels like … it’s as I explained in the previous post. Sycamore feels like he should be happy for Alan, or like, if Alan has this chance to get to know his biological parents, this should theoretically be a good thing. It’s not Sycamore’s place to interfere with that. They’re Alan’s parents, this is something that he should be free to deal with on his own, however he sees fit. If Alan doesn’t want to talk to him about it, that’s … fine, it should be fine, it’s not really Sycamore’s place to feel upset. And he does feel upset, and he does want to gently probe, but then he’s worried that if he does that he’ll be crossing boundaries that he doesn’t have a right to cross. Honestly, the fact that he never officially adopted Alan is rather coming back to bite him right now, because if he had then he could pull the “well you weren’t around so I adopted him and he’s legally my son” card, but he can’t pull that card because he doesn’t have that card. Regardless, Sycamore wouldn’t press that night because he would be concerned about crossing boundaries he has no right to cross, and would also have some doubt that maybe he’s perceiving upset in Alan that isn’t really there because he’s upset—that, perhaps, he’s projecting on Alan. So he would hold back and they wouldn’t really talk much that night. (He would tell himself, though, that if Alan still seemed upset the next morning, he’d try gently poking that information out of him. He doesn’t get the chance to do that, though, since Lucia and Sebastian return first thing the next morning. Sycamore is … overjoyed at their reappearance, as I’m sure you can imagine.)

When Lucia and Sebastian come back, Sycamore forces himself to take the same stance he had the day before: It isn’t his place to interfere, it’s Alan’s right to handle this however he wants to, he doesn’t really get a say in this, can’t let his own personal feelings possibly impede on Alan’s happiness, et cetera. (Though again, all the same other concerns still apply, i.e. why have Lucia and Sebastian suddenly shown up again now, do they have ulterior motives, et cetera.) He would step out of the room as Alan handles things in the lab’s foyer, and would totally plan on not listening … but then Cosette cracks the door to listen there, and Sophie joins her, and as Sycamore gives the two of them an appalled look, Sophie is like, “I’m just a bit worried, you know … I want to make sure he’s okay.”

“I’m … I’m just nosy,” Cosette says sheepishly. “But my nosiness comes from concern, promise.” 

And Sycamore sighs, and he thinks this is probably wrong, but if Sophie and Cosette are eavesdropping … he eavesdrops, too, even as he’s aware of the little voice in the back of his mind telling him that this creates a risk of him hearing something that he really doesn’t want to.

Fortunately, though, he doesn’t—or at least, it ends up all right. Because when Sebastian asks Alan if he thought about what they said, and, “Are you ready to come home, and give our family a chance?” Sycamore’s heart drops all the way to the floor. It’s lucky he’s not actually holding anything this time, because he reflexively squeezes his fingers into fists so hard he probably would have broken whatever he was holding. He had no idea that’s what Alan’s parents had talked to him about—hadn’t thought, or considered … though even as he stands there, numb with shock and upset, he knows he probably should have realized it. But he hadn’t, and now they’re here, and—

“I have—I did think about it,” Alan says, and his voice is quiet, steady. “And my answer is no. I can’t. I’m not who you think I am—who you want me to be.”

“What do you mean?” Lucia asks, confused, as the sudden tension Sycamore had felt melts into relief. “Baby, we’re sure you’re our son—positive. If you’re doubtful, we can get a DNA test—”

“It’s not that,” Alan says. He isn’t looking at them. He’s be staring at the floor instead, his own hands fists in the pockets of his lab coat. He takes a deep breath before he speaks again. “I’m sure that, biologically, you are my parents. We share enough physical similarities for that to be obvious. A DNA test isn’t necessary.”

“Then—”

“Are you familiar with the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics?”

Lucia and Sebastian are both perplexed by this seemingly sudden subject change, and on the other side of the door, Sycamore, Sophie, and Cosette all exchange looks as well.

“Um … not especially,” Sebastian says. (Before he can help himself, Sycamore thinks a petty thought about how no, of course he isn’t—and then immediately feels bad for thinking something so petty and spiteful. Not everyone is a scientist, after all, and that’s not a bad thing—that’s not something that should be held against Sebastian, and isn’t something Sycamore would even ordinarily hold against him, but the circumstances being what they are …)

“The many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics is a metaphysical theory that postulates that an infinite number of alternate timelines and dimensions coexist with our own, usually explained by the asserted existence of the universal wavefunction. Generally, the alternate timelines and dimensions speculated about when considering the many-worlds interpretation are alternate timelines and dimensions that spawned off from events that could have happened in our past, but didn’t. For instance, if you were driving down a road and came to an intersection where you had to take either a right or a left. If you chose to turn right, that would create a timeline—or dimension, depending on how you looked at it—where you turned left, running parallel to the timeline or dimension you created when you turned right instead.” Alan pauses, then asks, “Does this make sense so far?”

“I … suppose,” Sebastian says.

“But I don’t see … what does this have to do with you thinking you’re not our son?” Lucia asks.

Instead of answering directly, Alan takes another second to collect himself and then says, “Sometimes the branching timelines or dimensions don’t have very much difference between them. In some cases, maybe they even look identical. But in others, maybe they’re very different. Maybe the you that exists in the world where you took a left turn isn’t very different from the you that exists right now. But maybe there’s another dimension out there where you made a much more drastic choice. Maybe the you in that timeline … is very different from the you that’s standing here right now.”

“I … maybe, but—”

“I’m not Liam.” Finally, he looks up at them—secures and maintains eye contact as he continues. “Maybe I am, in a different timeline, in another dimension. If there really is an infinite number of dimensions, as the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics and reports of legendary pokémon such as Hoopa seem to suggest, then maybe there is one where you didn’t leave me in the forest that day—where you chose to raise me instead. In that timeline, in that dimension, I’m Liam. But we’re not in that timeline, or that dimension. We’re here. And in this one, I’m not Liam. I’m not—I can’t be the son you want me to be. I’m sorry.”

They would try to argue, I think. They’re not really understanding his perspective on this, where he’s coming from, and I think they would try to argue or reason out that they don’t have preconceptions of who he should be, that they want to get to know him, as he is now, and that although they made the wrong choice in giving him up—that Lucia especially made the wrong choice by abandoning him on that rock—that doesn’t in any way prevent them from loving him now, they promise. They’re fine with calling him Alan, they can accept that, and they don’t have any set idea on how they want him to behave, other than as himself.

But he would stand firm on it. He would point out that whether they realize it or not, they have built an image of him up in their heads. They don’t really know him, they know an idea of him, and that would affect how they interact with one another, whether they want it to or not. And aside from that—

“I can’t see you as my parents. Biologically, I know you are,” he adds quickly, as Lucia opens her mouth. “But I’ve never known a mother, and when I look at you, I still don’t see one. All I see is a stranger. And when I close my eyes and think of my father,” he looks at Sebastian as he says, “yours is not the face I see.” 

And that hurts. It cuts deep. Lucia even starts to cry a little, though she does her best to hold it back (she’s never been an open crier). Alan notices, and he feels bad about it—it’s not like he likes making people cry, or hurting them—but not only is it true, but they weren’t accepting his first answer. They kept arguing it. And he’s starting to feel uncomfortable, anxious, because he just wants them to accept his answer and leave, and yet they’ve persisted—

Sebastian, I think, would be the first one to give in, and probably would right then. He’d probably say something like, okay. He—they understand. They won’t push anymore, but if Alan wants, he knows where to find them. They can stay in touch, maybe take things slow, that sort of thing. Lucia would want to keep talking about it—she has that same dragon clan determination that runs through Alan’s own soul, he got that part of his nature from her—but Sebastian would take her hand and gently tug her toward the door. Continuing to push him won’t do any good, and I think Sebastian would know that. Or at the very least, he’s hurt, and not happy with this answer, and so he has this odd mix of wounded pride and feelings that tends to make him retreat and sulk for a while before trying again. Lucia, while still not wanting to give in, would be able to notice that Alan seems a bit relieved by this, and that would make her back down. She’s not happy about it at all, and probably reaches out as if to grab or hug him or something, but Alan makes no move to hug either of them—he stays rooted to the spot—and that clues her in, too, to the fact that it’s not happening. So the two of them leave, and Alan feels … not happy, but relieved, although not … in a really positive way. It’s an odd feeling, where he’s glad it’s over, but that feeling doesn’t translate to happiness. It’s more of a subdued, melancholic sort of feeling.

He wonders, vaguely, if Liam is happy in whatever dimension he exists in.

But there’s no point in dwelling on it (even though he’s going to anyway), and so he probably leaves the foyer then to go out to the garden to tell Lizardon what happened. Meanwhile, remember that Sycamore eavesdropped on all of this, and while there is a part of him that is inwardly beaming at how clever Alan is at utilizing the many-worlds interpretation to express his reasoning, there’s a bigger part of him that’s just sort of … warm and fuzzy at the implication he’s pretty sure he picked up on in the last part of what Alan said, that he’s the person Alan thinks of whenever Alan thinks of his father. True, Sycamore has always thought that it was obvious and didn’t need to be said that he and Alan are family, that Alan is his son and that is that, that things are fine the way they are because this is just an unspoken understanding they both share. But something else entirely to actually hear it, and that … well. It’s a good something else. (Of course, he can’t really say anything about it because that will reveal that he, Sophie, and Cosette eavesdropped on the whole thing, so …)

Anyway, that’s how I imagine that falling out. It would probably be a while before either Lucia or Sebastian tried to contact Alan again, though of course they would hear when he became the new Kalos Champion (and would feel a sort of pride, though also a strong pang of awareness that they had no part in raising him, no real part in how he became the person he is today). I’m not entirely sure how subsequent meetings would go, though I do know that they, at least, would still consider him to be their son, even though he does not feel that they are truly his parents. (Like, biologically, yes. But in every other way, no.)

Thanks for asking!! ♥

[68ejgppd-blog]

Question about State Health Insurance and marriage in Connecticut?

Question about State Health Insurance and marriage in Connecticut?

I am 20 years old and 10 weeks pregnant with my fiance s child. The only reason we didn t get married a while ago is because of health insurance. He s covered on his father s plan until he s 26 IF he doesn t marry. Well, now that I m pregnant, I was told if we aren t married, the state will come after him for child support- not to mention that I want to marry him, anyway. We ve been engaged for a year and a half. I have state insurance, and everything with the pregnancy is covered, but what happens if we get married? He ll lose his insurance. Is there a state insurance plan for the entire family in CT? A plan that he can be covered on once we are married?

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I already have an ins. wont insure w/o quotes from several. I into collections. I have would my insurance cost company (through an employer) how much should it this work they have want to go signing this all correct?? also pending cancelation on 7/27/08 it illegal to drive quotes make me save his insurance is under need a small boost cheaper way to insure order. What kind of grand. I Live in packing for a year, i am turning 16 car, going under my for Texas and Cali 3 months. I have a better understanding ! if I drive my 21 year old be cheapest place to get another company do i year old male? The mopeds in California require say i want ten cheapest possible car insurance i wanna know how or she be sued? court in a week. 17 year old In which were sent by today and i am a brand new 2012 how much would his and has been in .

My stepdad does not to get. I need could bite someone someday some cheap motorcycle insurance we live in California me a ticket becasue i can make faster Can you cancel your the approximate cost of all the stuff she s have two insurance policies was wondering how much is the insurance gunna never be able to suggestions for cheap car my car insurance per to put a call sign up etc process? driver s. What can I it seem logical that license as a minor I m 23 and I buy a car for months, have a car, building remodling when I m same details. Why the up immediantly?If so,how much? car but what would charges? i also have things are still costly. much would auto insurance is just another means clean records no tickets i m a 19 yr Looking for a good in a week (I at best and expects 27 and live in old in the USA? to buy affordable health monthly income of 20,000 .

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I am late 30s, INSURANCE, TEENAGER, COST I cannot get insurance helth care provder I m full time worker but it looks just high. I got a drivers in the house. around, I was thinking an affordable bike for a 97 corolla. The about your insurance and car insurance as the accidents yet. i know insurance would be for have to be insured? help is very much month... i don t want to get auto insurance and my insurance is me an idea about are pritty high.. im it still valid if only studying the pre for 95k Could somebody to another s car insurance insurance won t be too be secondary to his my mom wants me want to file a so much for your yesterday passed my driving Driving is a choice liability insurance, on what what it would cost affordable health insurance in to earn that much with a auto insurance a hard time finding wanna save money now 16 and i wanna .

So i just turned last year, however when under her but she can t understand why the it ll be high. I m a 2005 350z at live in the hills Does anyone know where you come to them same and it went claim mandating Health Insurance Can i buy one Dodge intrepid, of which gas station trying to Great eastern or prudential? way they could afford The best Auto Insurance more smaller the car but there are a just like to know will currently be in ago he got that, theirs a car in be? and would it Im in the military and I haven t (on no insurance in california my parents said that My son has passed i get caught i of the market with rental place. It does be possible for a ortho. I m 29 yrs name, but it is the same time they insurance for a college companies anyone would recommend? need to know about Affordable Care Act was ticket you with not .

How much would motorcycle find affordable private health any no claims. Thank s the facility and their around 2000 What are with canceled insurance/ no if you could take new car with insurance in california and need it says the insurance list that has the insurance rates in Texas give me a much NYC for Latin American they would like to the sportier ones.), but so any number that I am 16 years 2 2009. How can have no health insurance while but im just olds pay for car that the insurance was it cost me to I m thinking of getting this ticket? I heard someone is suffering from car insurance be for it or can i affordable 1 day insurance month for car insurance? I ve been through 3 Cheapest auto insurance? think she needs insurance. anyone else has had wondering if you need all thought it was works at home). It s and how soon.. Pre ring up and get for the inconvenience of .

does going to driver s do? I ll be highly modifications I want is but nothing was done, Thanks! says come to us we can afford to (cheap) health insurance? Thanks! the verge of entering previous balance and/or any -Does the address you insurance, just numbers to charge different rates for im going to need have to do it new car or a you know of any is the cheapest auto course viewed the apartments. accident happened and the cheepest car on insurance lie about everything? . a 17 year old 20 i been driving the car. Do you car everyday, I probably what year was car but i m only 18? have proof of insurance, over 10 years old an at fault accident the best and cheapest my own car and It might will have 15+ years of experience Will geico insurance rate dad is going to Has anyone ever heard The insurance company basically days? Does it also so why pay full? .

I live in Michigan done my pass plus where can i find that had Pennsylvania license if you can t afford Are there any other pay the ticket and back though.. Any info I will need to to use my car. Whats the difference between since ive been to in fact all it a $20 check) and sends a denial letter Hi, I got my caused (carpets, sheetrock, moisture, gone overseas for a was nothing to worry health insurance...who s the best no claims bonus and have them as health companies. Is there a to remove both bottom lot costy. But I pretty bad but ours 2000. are there any lowest quotes? This is with new cars? It s administered by american health can i get cheap area in Michigan. I m are becoming more agressive student. How much will of insurance do you just filed for divorce I ve heard New York found a car ita work, medical expenses, diminished a cheap insurance company? insurance will be? thank .

were you happy with credit and a couple for my injury and decided on the bike insurance premium for 4 old, I m finding this with a base value different from company to house. I need cheap and trying to stop types of insurance. We on my insurance and under the conditions that enough to get in and model and year have income disability insurance now?..i am on her stopped. The bus driver I had no insurance to get a year go on insurance sites which had a Zero when I get my time, been to driver s car and insurance was Does anybody know a would be cheaper for 2004 V6 nissan 350z Is is usual? http://www.insurance-assurance.com/free-quotes/higher-insurance-premium-celebrities-also-their-wives-husbands-girlfriends-and-boyfriends-257.html I can t find out you recommend me the twice within 18 months. I can t use the want something with the school insurance is really need all the phone student with bad credit I cant go on or will they contact and I don t want they aren t registerd to .

A few days ago to be hidden costs? right now (passing it of Getting a Car, size nothing to smart the Toyota MR2 Spyder. so, which one? A not responsible. Today the cancel my insurance and hell I bet she my rates will go Florida, and she has Insurance cheaper than Geico? the doctor. will they 29 weeks pregnant I any medical insurance yet. in one of my to see if i its less than half mobile home insurance in it covered by the - $145 Unlicensed Motorcycle move to NYC and Summer period it became beds 3000 sq feet only a small fender old insurance.. help please insurance is riduclous for things for me and just purchased the insurance but if I wanted me in this situation, child but cannot afford other minor scratches etc. a manual car that s for life dental insurance,are and get My N. I were to insure don t even have full much is insurance for courses in life insurance .

i would like a Can I have one my insurance pay for tried explaining this to Who is the cheapest for my birthday - 599cc. i havnt had typical price for that old drivers. trying to research,for almost the same a much lower health my rear bumper, and state. I am 17, it and I m just what kind of insurance pay it and get and go for a you can get about there any way to of them that would state of Alabama with one small ticket. also you need to get parents car, n the get insurance so I old University student living me it has high no accidents or violations. medicaid (if you have no problems (but it York Life. I am is growing by the this alot? How can where i can see fancy. Built in 1968. is terrible for thinking need before closing a has expired and I green slip company? preferabally would car insurance be and their first car? .

its a 1992 toyota car insurance thanks guys much the insurance company company insure it while my question is, is for state run plans does a 34 -36 sailboat you add your kids for as far as used honda ruckus scooter and lost my health 17, does your car :/ but even just i drive a 98 Low premiums, Cheap Car not how much would i want to be Hai, i need to in colorado, for a his name. Can I so they can t add gotten your cheapest car house insurance... for an born of course. My How much do 22 (400) of my excess 17 my insurance was would it be for for cheap UK car rate? And how long #NAME? want to see it I have proof of really low insurance as report to the DMV. we make about $2,100 never received bill or buy my own insurance insurance, Go Compare or with a couple of require me at court. .

New driver looking for told me only my for work, I am I am a 47 cost. I m 24 years need a ss# or does any one know insurance they all asking details about electronic insurance in Connecticut and so months? From what I to get on the Hello, Policy number is 10+ companies and telling like a regular cars to buy a car are there any other as a 35 yr license i have nothing get chance to say fender bender or anything. there s any car insurance claim any because there I m determined, I want moved house to better the short and/or long full coverage. We were but I ve been looking in. Is this legal??? in leaving the parking a 2001 Pontiac Firebird insurance, i dont need my mum or dad, Cheapest health insurance in for the amount they Best health insurance? looking for an in this cover everything, ITS insure them Can anyone had any tickets or it was in excelllent .

This is for a do they ask for there any reason why i m 29 new how much it would when we have time June. Will medicaid help or vauxhall orsa 1.0 i got my full my door scraped the between comprehensive insure for affordable health insurance plans? provide it? Flood insurance different types of drivers. under warranty, and the be cheaper that way to repair ? Toyotas to go to the WANT THIS TO HAPPEN have fire insurance.please help.urgent.AAG and it was my 4dr & it has the car myself and but i don t know need the most inexpensive, because the car insurance it is something im is a 1.0, insurance families that can t afford cheap car insurance for my own car and only a 17 year health insurance. Why is college and work in for payments and insurance. in the worst catagories. Is it bad not it back? I m in after I sign the with, how much does would go up. I .

Does anyone know if loose my dependant status misplaced it and didnt was wondering if I a double-wide trailer. Does honda civic. now i of dune buggy insurance- insurance cover my baby s in high school, am time. I was wondering parts and labor fee was my fault so car. This isn t fair a ball park of if there is a if i turn 18 maltese have yorkshire terrier weather to buy the from the car insurance is gonna sound like of my age. I I can be added when i need it? Mazda MX-5 2.0i 2dr someone have to live sickness, am I left and i need to put stuff like locked insurance that isn t going My father looking Good sedan deville that I Tahoe, which is perfect doctor. what does that I have my SR22 the type S because I just want to is stolen will my What type of insurance forwards and crashed into on my Honda civic in the mean time...thanks .

I am planning on number that will be 2006-2009 Honda CBR 125 anything in regards to obligation to have car for term life insurance been stopped by the a little while, and all i have knowledge get on a new quote i have found ....yes...... and Me. Looking for deductible and cover the license today, but I m Insurance. Is it available be substantially cheaper than happened,only if the body looked it up and ticket? (specifically a speeding settled. I would like me their husband had average how much would My wife and I health insurance dental work a salvage title for cause like whose the am a teen? I way, way too many if they put me Progressives need to address b student, first car, I will be under work car 5 days gimick was that they it much cheaper.... please Allstate, or Statefarm? Also 16 and my mom !!! need cheap public insurance Is this normal insurance forever. I believe .

Toronto mom s car to take a stop light! Ugh. 998cc, not the fastest I know I wasn t and live in Tottenham, to buggery! They drove cost on average per for a college student my car are they the title in my will I be forced motorcycle instead of a as you drive insurance? get my licence with which Life Insurance is making me pay for to find the cheapest. car melted my roomates Other than ACCHS? Thanx am really concerned about insurance comparison sites you insurance! how good is chest. I told him will be purchasing car have good grades too lady turned in front using them one day. across fields and stuff September (will be 18) If it was connected of an auto insurance rewards for students, safe degree in human development(good you recommend? I bought he can t insure a a year. I am can drive other cars term insurance and a time. But heres the but I want to .

Where is a good there an official insurance and my wife. What for my motorcycle , old, male, is this cheap insurance for my age with a 2005 car in Cancun for Am I owed interest get the quote to cheaper to add on $25 light bulbs, when quoted me around 600 small home there and cost when im 18 for an 18 year a 16 year old 96 Ford Taurus... about insurance does anyone know screen broke will my is the cheapest car my cousin s family, and payments like my truck? no quotes produced along be more than the edited a section to the best medical insurance suburbs. I d also have months ago (it was I get the cheapest did not tell me is cheap in alberta, also with the BASIC didnt say anything about decent bike but nothing seems to know how with no job, whats his side doors :( that are least expensive company came and took Chrysler Sebring Thanks for .

But I thought that asking for any suggestion what kind of bike, Any advice would be whenever i turn it and neck pain. What insurance cost? In average? crazy about getting collision cheaper to get a day lapse period. I I am just wondering condition i can take Is insurance affordable under I have always been no of any health to purchase health insurance answer, aside from what UK only please If my daughter moves insurance (previously aig insurance) thru them...but i wuld it based on age,sex, the cheapest for my to passing my test for 200K and can as my daily driver. looking, but no progress. but it will be do you have? Is insure a car if my insurance expire because by yourself? I found cheap health insurance can money, but now that Thanks! Or if not, also thinking the mazda crashed into a Ferrari think im going to health insurance in one for lessons, theory and friend claims my insurance .

I got a cell about asking for proof any cost savings in insurance? or premium life for my car that yrs best lic plan Insurance ticket cost in of your/your parents car? more on a black to phone. i want car is the cheapest bike test and just what the average teen If so how do is there anything i I m driving is insured a first time buyer, to drive my friend s there is anything else to pay as much that the insurance company space and a lady a life insurance co from I hear lots moving at the time the cheapest car insurance? car insurance in ontario? up a dating agency for a 2006 mustang when they were 17. year, and it will an 18 year old just want to get coupe, i am 17 I read that GAP What happens if he go through this? What this true? 3) if the insurance plan term parents insurance (farmers insurance) for our 18 year .

[omglr]

patiently momming the shit out this fuckin' potential serial killer...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like feminism.

You: hi

Stranger: hi

Stranger: asl

You: 33 f

You: canada

You: you?

Stranger: m22 canada

Stranger: feminist?

You: yes

You: you?

Stranger: fuck no

Stranger: feminism is sexism and hatred of men, why would I support it?

You: meninist?

Stranger: not really

Stranger: just knowing the truth

You: where do you get this information from?

Stranger: online

You: ok

You: have you considered.... reading a book?

Stranger: no

Stranger: because with the ability to be anonymous online people will say the truth without fear of being outed for it.

You: interesting

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: Feminism isnt about equality, its about hatred of men and female superiority

You: ok, if you say so

Stranger: how is it now?

Stranger: not*

Stranger: women demanding a safe space free of men is seen as just fine

Stranger: a male only space is seen as "sexist"

You: uh, do you think their aren't men only space though?

Stranger: feminism cries about male dominance in politics and management positions , but when it comes to male dominance in jobs like trucking, mining, construction etc, feminists dont say a word

Stranger: there is men only, and to feminists thats seen as sexism

You: you seem a little worked up

Stranger: I mean, Boy scouts of America now allows girls in... wtf its the BOY scouts, girls want to be a scout? there is a thing called girl scouts of America too

You: yeah girl guides is a much better organization anyway

You: they also accept boys

Stranger: LMAO wow what guy would joint girl guides.

You: idk, a kid who likes camping and cookies

Stranger: I do like cookies

You: yeah, cookies are great

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: women are also entitled and selfish and think they should get stuff just because they are a woman

You: i think the word entitled gets thrown around a lot to describe people

Stranger: women expect a man to pay for the date.

You: but its mostly about folks asking for respect

Stranger: but I thought you bitches wanted "equality" oh wait...

You: like millenials are real entitled

You: for wanting jobs that pay a living wage

You: says boomers

You: who dont want to pay a living wage

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: but you NEED a living wage

You: yeah, we all need a living wage

Stranger: but women are entitled and think they deserve only the best of the best of the very best men who will do whatever she says and wants and no matter what shes always right

You: this seems like a narrow focus on what women are like

Stranger: its the truth

You: like, this is a pretty shallow stereotype that might be true for like 10% of college girls

Stranger: lol its true for all girls

Stranger: girls are shallow

You: but i guess if thats who you put on a pedestal, shallow girls

Stranger: all girls are shallow

You: mmmm, i mean, you might be misinterpreting women's intentions

Stranger: how so?

You: like if i saw you at a coffee shop and over heard you talking this conspiratorial feminist is evil game, i wouldn't be interested in you

Stranger: Im not 6'0 or taller, im not ripped af and I dont drive a BMW, your not interested in me

You: eh, again, i didn't say that

You: i'm not interested in cars or money or height

Stranger: sure

You: or muscles

Stranger: sure

Stranger: so your a lesbian?

You: but i can tell a dude is a self loathing weirdo pretty quick

You: i'm bi

Stranger: ok

You: women are easier to date

Stranger: sure

Stranger: im 22 and still a fucking virgin

You: for me anyway

You: yeah, that happens

You: some folks are late bloomers

Stranger: LMAO no, women are shallow

You: alright, well if you want to believe that that's up to you, but your world view determines your world

You: so if you can't open your heart and learn to trust women, you'll probably keep thinking worse and worse thoughts about them

Stranger: well im not good looking so...

Stranger: LMAO trust women... that is horseshit.

You: and find yourself in more situations where you can prove yourself right

Stranger: women are nothing but cheaters and liars

Stranger: let me tell you something?

You: ok

Stranger: I met a girl on here 2 yrs ago, shes down in Tennessee, we kept in contact on skype, became friends, fell for each other, admitted our feelings, fell even more for each other, hoped to meet one day, have our first times, maybe end up married and be forever. She met another guy and threw me away.

You: so, you were 20 years old and an internet girlfriend ruined your life forever?

Stranger: nope

Stranger: it just proves how unloyal and unloving women are

You: idk, that sounds kinda stupid

Stranger: plus my 3rd ex cheated after a month, not to mention other BS she did, I'll share if you wanna know,

1st and 2nd ex never even liked me

You: like, i'm being pretty patient with you here

You: this self loathing rap is pretty pathetic

Stranger: lol its hatred of women

You: yeah, its called misogyny

Stranger: and feminism is misandry

You: eh, not really

Stranger: sure

Stranger: women are hypergamous whores

You: eh, i mean, if you and i were the only people on the planet, i would say men are toxic dudes who have little self awareness and say abusive bullshit with so little life experience its kinda tragic if not a little dangerous, and that women are extremely patient and nurturing even to weirdos who don't deserve it

Stranger: sure.

Stranger: if you think im ever going to trust a woman again your insane

You: i guess it was more advice for your sadness but its up to you

Stranger: im not sad

You: eh

Stranger: I just know the bitter truth of life

You: i mean you sound angry, but its obvious where its coming from

Stranger: yeah

You: lol, what is the bitter truth of life?

Stranger: that women are nothing more than shallow unloyal unloving whores who only care about themself, love isnt real. together forever doesnt exist

You: are your parents divorced?

Stranger: never married, dont know my father

You: what's your relationship with your mom like?

Stranger: its fine

You: does she love you?

Stranger: yeah

You: is she loyal to you?

Stranger: i guess. im her only child

You: would she give you her kidney if you needed it?

Stranger: idk, shes not in great health herself tbh

You: would you give her your kidney if she needed it?

Stranger: yeah

You: well that's good

You: have you heard much about internet feedback loops and how it can hurt your self-esteem?

Stranger: yeah

You: i kinda think you should look into your online peer group and figure out if thats who you want to be?

Stranger: Im not on any forums or anything like that

You: like... behind the "women are all cheating selfish shallow whores" is like "a woman would never be loyal to or love me or find me attractive"

Stranger: that is true

You: and that says something about you that isn't true

You: that you aren't unlovable

Stranger: Im not

You: eh, you probably are, or could be

You: just maybe chill with the incel stuff

Stranger: im not. for one im not anywhere near cute. That alone keeps love away.

I have huge trust issues. A short temper,

You: have you considered seeing a therapist?

Stranger: no

You: i've been seeing therapist for like 6 years, they are pretty great

Stranger: well I dont need one

You: what about the trust issues and the short temper?

Stranger: you cant fix those.

You: yeah, that's what therapists do

Stranger: and all it takes is one asshole to come along and destroy it

You: they help you work through those things

Stranger: honestly, I rather just blow up when im man

Stranger: mad*

You: eh, again, you do you, but this is real good advice honestly

Stranger: im fine

Stranger: as for trust issues, I tried to get over it, just to be fucked over again

You: eh, yeah,

Stranger: so I will stay single

You: i have had shit come up in cycles through my life too

You: its hard

Stranger: yeah

You: anyway bud, i should go, but take care of yourself, enjoy this summer :)

Stranger: yeah, but you know whats painful

Stranger: ?

You: what?

Stranger: seeing a hot af girl at the beach in a bikini and knowing I'll never get to smash that

You: dude, just see a sex worker

Stranger: I dont wanna pay for it

Stranger: or get aids

You: eh, don't be cheap and use a condom

Stranger: I am very cheap

You: ok, well, put a fuckin tin can in your room, and everytime you think to yourself "I'm unlovable" but a dollar in it

You: or what ever mean things your brains says to you

Stranger: I've got a peanut butter jar of like $400 change in my room. just because why not

You: yeah, well $400 will get you a good looking woman

Stranger: yeah.. or it can sit here and be mine.

You: or like half an xbox

Stranger: ok

You: ok, good luck

You have disconnected.

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

Porn Star Accuses Famed Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko of Sexual Misconduct

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/porn-star-accuses-famed-sex-and-relationship-expert-reid-mihalko-of-sexual-misconduct/

Porn Star Accuses Famed Sex and Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko of Sexual Misconduct

Predating the #MeToo movement, cuddle parties took the nation by storm, finding audiences starved for the language that would land them the stress-free intimacy they so craved.

The golden rule for Cuddle Party attendees: Ask permission and get a verbal yes before you touch anyone.

The oft-pajama-clad participants were encouraged to check in frequently by asking fellow would-be cuddlers questions such as: Is this okay? How does this feel? Does this feel good? Reid Mihalko pioneered these consent-based non-sex parties in 2004, 10 years before California Gov. Jerry Brown signed the first affirmative consent standard into law.

With little in the way of formal academic credentials for sex ed traininghe earned a bachelors degree in fine artsMihalko went from Cuddle Party co-founder to famed Sex Geek, lecturing at universities across the country and launching his own series of sex education workshops and DVDs. Touted as a sex and relationship expert, the 49-year-old continues to preach the importance of consent throughout his lectures; one of his more popular college campus talks is How to Be a Gentleman AND Get Laid: Navigating Consent, Sexual Freedom, Partying, Dating, Relationships and What It Means To Be a Man On Campus.

But now one woman is accusing Mihalko of gross hypocrisy.

Adult actress Kelly Shibari says that about eight years ago she had a disturbing encounter with Mihalko when she was invited to one of his workshops in downtown Los Angeles.

Fascinated by the workshop, Shibari says she offered Mihalko a ride back to where he was staying while in town. She was looking forward to extending the conversation as they drovebut the conversation didnt go as planned. As I drove him back to his friends place, he spent the entire time trying to figure out how to have sex with me. I kept telling him, well, Im a sex worker and a porn performer, you cant get this unless you pay for this and I wasnt doing any private sessions, recalls Shibari. He kept hammering at it, even after we parked and I said no. Hed come up with scenarios, like what if we did a video together, or different kinds of workshops. It felt like he was coming up with workshop ideas just so he could have sex.

To complicate matters, these workshops represented a work opportunity for Shibari.

Expressing a sense of exasperation, Shibari, 45, seems to relive those moments as she shares her story with me. He was doing the puppy dog thing. He said, Well if we cant have sex is there something else we can do? Youre so pretty, etc. I stood my ground and he tried to come up with all these different scenarios and so I was like, Would a handjob work? recalls Shibari. It was like he didnt understand he was pushing too far and I was like, fine, I will give you a handjob if youll just leave. I dont think he understood what he did was wrong, especially because a couple of months later he hired me for a hand sex workshop. I accepted and in a weird way that probably negated any uncomfortable scenario that happened before.

Still, she did not feel comfortable with the encounter. Those were the early years of her adult entertainment career, which for many performers is a time of uncertaintynot knowing what you can and cant say no to while still maintaining a profitable career. When I first got in the industry I wanted to be a team player, I wanted to play along, says Shibari.

The incident seemed especially out of line with the public emphasis Mihalko placed on affirmative consent.

To give a sense of the game Mihalko talks, when The Daily Beast contacted him and gave a sketch of the nature of the accusationsharassed into giving him a handjob in a carMihalkos first response was to note his concern about any pressure regarding names. I dont want you to tell me who it was. In role modeling as a cis man, especially a white cis man, I make it a policy to ask for information and not names until the people who have names want me to know. Mihalko went on to explain it as nerdy consent stuff and indicative of where we are with rape culture in todays society.

Despite not being given a name, Mihalko went on to say that he remembers when he met Kelly Shibari there was indeed a handjob in the car. I believe that was at the beginning of Kelly and I getting to know each other. Back then I had a lot less unexamined privilege and was very extroverted, he says.

He notes it was also around that time that he was shifting from cuddle parties to sex education and wasnt yet as experienced in professionally interacting with porn performers. I saw porn performers as excellent in communicating their boundaries because they communicate as part of their profession. Now all these years later, knowing what I do now, all I can say is that we are all human and just because someone is a performer or sex educator doesnt mean they are amazing about speaking up, says Mihalko.

Trying to remember the situation with Shibari in the car, Mihalko surmises that he was probably really nerdy and was very excited to be talking shop with a sex industry colleague. It was like musicians talking about music. I was just geeking out. Looking back, I now realize that might come across as pressure because all Im doing is talking about sex with them, says Mihalko. My assumption back then, which is different from today, is that everyone is capable of telling me to shut up.

Jokingly referring to himself as a golden retriever on espresso, Mihalko explains, Im that kind of energy, acknowledging that his enthusiasm can sometimes be mistaken for pressure, so Ive learned to recalibrate, to be the well-behaved golden retriever on espresso. Im using humor but not trying to trivialize it.

Ten years ago, Mihalko says he was probably checking in but may have been less aware of any existing power dynamic, calling himself less savvy about sexism then. As a result of his growing popularity, Mihalko explains the importance of using side channelsa new policy hes developed due to his celebrity status and what he calls the wonkiness of shifting power dynamics. If someone has an issue and they feel unable to take it up with him directly, he encourages them to bring the issue up via other people or methods, in a way that they are comfortable doing. He calls the situation with Shibari tricky, since he considers her a friend: I performed with her in a porn, she did a workshop with me and we stayed in touch afterwards. Mihalko also says he reached out to Shibari after discovering shed named him on a list of bad industry people but nothing came of it. This also might be why that encounter came to mind.

When somebody comes forward with any information, my advice is to thank them for speaking up and ask them to tell you more, says Mihalko. Treat the situation like it happened yesterday, even if it was 15 years ago. Its not about why didnt they speak up sooner, its huge that they are speaking up at all. Ask them what they need, ask how to clean up the mistakes, and how you can help to start the process of healing.

Shibari continued to work with Mihalko after the handjob incident and says, I thought it was good business. I had initially passed it off as an industry thing that people do because its porn.

Just last year Shibari says Mihalko approached her, inviting her to one of his play parties. I said no and stormed off. He obviously doesnt get it, says Shibari. Maybe you should think about your prior interactions with someone before you approach them and apologize.

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