#just know that I won't talk about this kind of things concerning jensen

[youchangedmedestiel]

The detail that I noticed was that he was very close to Jared but he refusal to do this pose with Misha https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fqxbc2IWwAIEOZn?format=jpg&name=large https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fqxbc2JWwAEh_5z?format=jpg&name=large

Yay!!!! Another occasion to watch Cockles' gifs, please enjoy:

Also anon, talking about a detail, you see Jared and Jensen standing close while I see Jensen and Misha with wide smiles. We're just not the same and that's okay.

[deathofacupid]

game (headcanon) | clay jensen

a/n: something. i had to post something. (i'm halfway through season three, any requests can only be made in the timeline of season one + two + three! please, no spoilers! (i'll cry.) i wanted to write something, literally anything, to get the creative wheels turning. this is kind of just a starting point for me. italics - clay; normal - ...anyone that isn't clay.

summary: how you and clay became you and clay.

warnings: mostly fluff, some depressive/suic!d@l thoughts (nature of clay), it's 13rw... let's face it, the show tackles some dark stuff.

pairing: fem!reader x clay jensen

word count: 0.79k+ words

-after hannah, clay wasn't great at putting himself out there, especially when it came to girls.

-the biggest thing he'd be worried about was girls. once hannah passed, the main reason he was having trouble was because he was trying to find another hannah.

-clay couldn't help but compare everyone to her.

-it was funny though, because the second he saw you, it was like; who's hannah? the world of "before hannah" and "after hannah" was gone.

-in that moment, when you'd first locked eyes, anything revolving the mere thought of hannah disappeared. he didn't have to think about her, and as selfish as it feels to him, it was refreshing. relieving.

-and you know what? he loved that feeling. he loved the feeling of cloud nine.

-sure, plently of times he'd considered asked you out. and then the thought would hit him like a brick; he's never even said a word to you. how's he going to ask you anything at all, if he can't even utter yet a simple "hi" to you?

-trust me, he tries. clay tries a whole lot. but he'll be inches away, and freeze up.

-part of him is afraid to love again, because what if everything ends up like hannah? like one big repeat? he's not sure if he can live through that again. it was hard enough the first time around.

-eventually, he gives up, choosing to admire you from afar.

-it's luck for him, however, when you're the one to break the ice.

-he remembers it clearly, how you lean over during english lit.

-"clay? do you have any idea what we're doing. because... yeah, i wasn't listening." / "huh? what? oh, uh, yeah- yeah, it's chapters 12-15, questions 1-10."

-he's panicking. you're talking to him.

the second time, you're complaining about your math grade to a friend. he's not even thinking when he blurts out:

-"i can help you. like, tutor you or whatever. i'm pretty good at it." / "wait, really? like, for real?" / "sure."

-clay's non-chalant on the outside, not so much on the inside.

-you seem happy, and instantly, he is too.

-the first thing he does is head into his room, kicking justin out.

-"yeah, okay, well, the adoption papers strongly disagree." / "please? y/n's coming over! i need this to go well." / "y/n? no shit?" / "no shit."

-justin gives in, he's clay's number hypeman anyways. justin lingers in the main house, and then finally wanders to find jessica. that's not clay's concern right now, though.

-it's his room. or more specifically, his shared room. he's freaking out, he hasn't been this nervous since the trial, as he shoves all - i mean all - of justin's crap into the closet, then cleaning up his own.

-he hesisitates over his akr comics, before shoving them in a drawer.

-clay showers, it won't hurt, and spritzes on some of justin's more... masculine colongne.

-half an hour later, there's a knock at the door. he's giddy as he answers it, yet nervous as well.

-"nice house-shed." / "thanks."

-he hopes it a compliment. you're nodding in approval, taking in his room. (shared room.) the little trinkets and trophies.

-and the one akr comic he left out.

-"oh, you read these?" / "y-yeah. i mean, yes. i do. wait- do you?" / no, but my little brother does."

-it's incredible how the conversation flows so smoothly after that.

-after a while, you and him got close. suddenly, it wasn't just study/tutoring sessions, it was hangouts at your place and his.

-everyone thought the two of you were dating, starting with justin.

-he would just be talking to his brother, and it would slip in.

-"how's it going between you and y/n?" / "what's going?" / "dude, you still haven't said anything?" / "there's nothing to say."

-or between his parents:

-"clay, honey, how's your girlfriend? you should bring her over for dinner!" / "we aren't dating, mom." / "really?"

-and more frequently, at school. everyone just assumed you and him were together, and at some point, you stopped correcting them.

-"hey, man, your girlfriend left her jacket in class." / "i'll give it to her."

-somewhere along the line, the difference between dating and not-dating blurred, to the point where you weren't even sure what was going on.

-"hi, not-boyfriend." / "hey, not-girlfriend."

-^became a regular occurence.

-"should we just date? y-you know, because everyone thinks we are... so... it's like-" / "sure." / "okay. wait, really?" / "yeah, why not? i'm suprised it took you this long. i'm literally always flirting with you." / "oh."

-like i said, clay isn't always the best with girls. it doesn't matter though, because you have enough game for the both of them.

[whateverthedragonswant]

finally binged the last season of TWD and I have to say, I'm okay with how it ended. I won't lie, the Commonwealth arc was a little boring for me. It didn't feel as high stakes as other villain arcs in the past have felt like the Whisperers or the Saviors or even The OG Governor, but I think that's why they upped the ante on the walkers themselves. Which...maybe I missed it but did they ever say why the walkers were suddenly climbing up walls and picking up weapons? Talk about terrifying. LOVED that they brought back the Whisperer angle this season by the way, in all aspects. That was really cool.

I'm a hardcore Caryl shipper but I was okay with how they left things with their story. I know some might not be happy with it but Idk I got a very unfinished vibe from it? Like there's more to their story. Idr if Melissa McBride has said she'll make an appearance on the Daryl spinoff or not, but I still get the 'there's something there and it's still unspoken' vibe.

I felt absolutely horrible for Luke and Jules. I didn't expect that one. But it also kind of made me think they brought them back to be the ones to die so none of the mains had to. Again, the whole Commonwealth arc just didn't feel as high stakes, even when Eugene was on trial for his life, even when Ezekiel and the others were taken. The only other time it felt high stakes is when Negan and Annie were about to be executed and Ezekiel and the others stepped in. Not saying that I wanted any of the mains to die; they had more than earned those endings but I felt like it kind of got away from the theme of the show a little, if that makes sense.

Judith getting shot was indeed shocking and you do worry for her, but it was obvious they were doing a callback to the pilot, with us seeing her pov from the pain haze she was in at the hospital, Daryl blocking the door to her room like Shane did with Rick. Not a bad callback at all, I appreciated it, but you knew then that Judith wasn't going to die. (which thank goodness she didn't because I'd riot)

Rosita's death was tragic but at the same time beautiful. Christian and the others did a wonderful job and my heart broke for Rosita (she was one of my favorite characters too). I had heard Christian's explanation of why she wanted Rosita to die from it being mentioned by a fan at a recent SPN convention to Jensen (in relation to Dean's ending and how he felt if there was closure or not), but now having seen the season, it makes more sense.

Idk, overall, I just felt like it was a good tie-up besides some of the issues I mentioned. I was happy to see Rick and Michonne at the end but I do wish I could have seen them reunite with their kids, ngl. I'm hoping however the movie goes, that's the ending for the Grimes family. Like Judith said "we're the ones that live". After everything they've been through, they deserve it. Rick deserves to see Judith and RJ at least once.

One thing that popped out for me that I didn't expect was Maggie x Negan. Holy crap, I did not see that ship coming. It feels so wrong for many reasons but JDM and Lauren just have that chemistry as those two characters. And while I enjoyed Negan/JDM as a villain, and he was alright in his limbo phase, I never was a Negan fan so to speak. But after the bottle episode from season 10 and we see his backstory (which he and Hilarie crushed btw), I became very interested in his 11A arc, especially where Maggie was concerned. When he showed up with a pregnant wife in 11B, it felt off to me. Like I get that was his redemption arc in full swing and it was done to get Negan to the point where he earns his place at Alexandria 2.0 (3.0?) if he wants it, that Maggie can be the one to extend that offer (which leads them into the dynamic/place they need for their spinoff) because he finally understands how she must have felt when he killed Glen and he apologizes, and Daryl gives him a nod of semi-respect at the end, but idk it just felt off to me. It should be interesting to see how things occur for Negan and Annie moving forward. Will they be in the new series, too? And I'm not really a hero x villain kind of person (i.e. I'm not a Reylo shipper at all) unless it's something really great like Dramione but Negan and Maggie, I can get on board with that one a bit. And even if that never occurs, I am good with just seeing those two on my screen together. I can't wait to see the Maggie and Negan spinoff!!!

So yeah, an end to an era but I'm personally okay with this end. I still love the series and it's definitely one of my favorites.

[wigglebox]

Wiggle, I am sad to hear you can't seem to be able to extend me the same good faith you so easily extend to Jensen.

I don't believe you had asked it in good faith based purely on the fact that you could have asked this on Saturday with both of them up there, Misha and Jensen, since it concerned both of their characters. Instead, you asked about Misha's 50th birthday.

You said, before you asked your Sunday question:

"I'm getting y'all some long overdue answers!"

What answers to what questions? How is the 15x18 going to be "resolved"? You weren't the first person to ask that kind of question or something similar. And, even if you were, why do you think this man is going to give you a play-by-play in terms of how this is going to be "resolved"? That is an answer that would come by way of a continuation, not by way of a solo Jackles panel in Germany on a Sunday afternoon.

I am also not taking your question in good faith owing to your response. You being disappointed in the answer is understandable, you're not the only one and I know others who also weren't impressed by the answer.

However, you took it further than that. You said things like this:

And then you decided to reblog someone's positive take on it, two of them actually, with these tags:

Instead of being part of the discussion, you're insulting others and coming across as someone who is "butthurt" over the fact others aren't sharing in your interpretation of his answer. Again, others haven't been impressed by it, but are engaging in a conversation or just chatting amongst themselves. They aren't throwing insults or poking at people in a mean-spirited way on others positive posts.

The fact that his panels are full of people who are like that & sneer at destiel questions is his fault and his fault alone. As long as he keeps playing safe and won't express any concrete opinions it will remain that way.

Why is it his fault that he plays a character that is pulled in every which way in the fandom and has fans on all sides? Ignoring the continuation stuff for a moment, why is it his fault he has fans? He can't go row by row, seat by seat and eject every J2er, Wincesty, or GenFan out of there.

And sneer at what Destiel questions? Other than yours, there weren't any. He doesn't go through everyone in the line one by one to make sure they are Destiel questions. And he did give a Destiel answer, even if you refuse to see it that way because he didn't word it exactly how you wanted it to.

Also, again, the fact that he isn't going to give you a play by play up on stage on anything they're brainstorming for the continuation. It's never been like that, won't ever be like that. Idk if you watched a lot when the show was on air but they always side stepped.

He also can't do speculative stuff because, again, that's not what he does, and because his character didn't get a chance to speak his truth, he's not going to speak in full detail until it can play out in the show. Otherwise he's just spouting FanFiction and if the continuation doesn't turn out how he said it would on stage, like how some of y'all want him to, then you'll be angry all over again.

You are right, I do not understand who he is as a person because he never expressed any opinions whatsoever. He's always ambiguous.

Now this is just lazy, in my opinion, I'm sorry. He does express opinions, some of y'all just don't take the time to listen to what he's saying. But also, during which it may sound like he's "fence sitting" please remember he's an actor, whose job is usually not interacting with fandom like this. Over the course of the last decade+ I've been at least a fan of his, I've come to understand that to him, he knows his job is to act. He'll talk about his acting choices and how certain scenes felt to him but he's not going to talk about something that he couldn't act out yet.

His job, at least this is how I've come to understand him and how he views his role, is to convey the level of relationship Dean and Cas had, not tell you how you should feel about it or how to interpret it.

That's why he'd give leeway to folks who go, 'Well, I just see it as a brother relationship'. Is it? No, but that's feedback to him as an actor in terms of how well he's doing his job. He also isn't going to tell people how to think or how to feel about something. That's not his line of business. It's to act and convince. And because out of the three of them, he's the only one with fans on two opposite sides of the fandom, and now, a lot of gen fans came in from The Boys, he's really not going to make someone feel bad for maybe not interpreting his acting the way he was trying to make it come across. If anything that means he'll just double down more while acting.

It's easier for Misha and, in some ways, Jared to do that because of how their characters serve the narrative, but Dean is different, and Jensen is different. Please accept that!

If anything I was shocked to hear his answer and apparently how nothing would need to be addressed.

The fact that after a day at this point, this is still how you interpret his answer, that's fine, but just know many, many others don't share that interpretation, and calling them Jensen apologists or having terminal jackles disease doesn't help convince us to your point of view.

I think it's desperate to cling to a man who is never going to give you the one thing you want. I think we all deserve to support actors who support us back! Who don't shy away from questions so they won't upset some assholes in the audience. I think we all should start respecting ourselves more.

Again I find it fascinating you command respect but don't give it to others in fandom, or the actors in this particular instance.

We're lucky as a fandom that we have the access we do to the actors. This is not a normal thing, just wanted to sneak that in there.

I'm not asking you to shy away from asking hard questions but I do wish folks like you who ask these questions understand what it is exactly you're asking, the situation in which you find yourself asking, and who you're asking it to and what you really expect the answer to be.

Again, respect is earned. And a lot of people respected Jackles for that answer and I"m sorry he couldn't give you what he was looking for but you demonizing him in this sense of moral high ground over something that, let's be real, he was never going to answer how you wanted, is very very odd.

He didn't do a single thing wrong. And you didn't either by asking that question. It's your response to the responses to the response that is making us scratch our heads.

Instead of partaking in the discussion, your question prompted, you're insulting people for using their brains to think about what this man is trying to say.

people with terminal jackles disease: i promise there are better men to stan out there. several of them are even members of the spn cast.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi! I just wanna start off by saying I love your blog and really respect what you have to say on different subjects, youre really one of my favourite people on this site. And I was wanting to know what you think about that post that was going around where they'd texted misha about the stoplight system, if you've seen it? Less so whether you think it was a coincidence or not (although I'd love to hear that too!), but more on whether you thought it was crossing a boundary as I've seen some people saying. I'm not sure what to think really but I find the comparisons to j2ers absurd, like. It's just not comparable. Nor do I think it's the same as talking cockles directly to them on social media, but I wanted to know whether you think it's ever appropriate? I'm personally not for, like, cockles themed photo ops and things like that but the more I think about it the more I just can't care about this particular instance, apart from the amusement of the 'coincidence'. I guess because I can't imagine misha would care, but then I don't know him, and maybe people fear this will encourage others to more direct engagement on the topic? Anyhoo just thought I'd drop my thoughts in your inbox ha.

aww thank you, dear! i have seen that post, albeit briefly, and while i'm firmly of the belief that we absolutely do not discuss cockles with cockles, it seemed to me like the person's heart was in the right place.

unless i misunderstood, the person was texting misha that they were concerned that people are taking the cockles stuff too far and it might be making misha and/or jensen uncomfortable, and that if that's the case, could misha offer some type of 'signal' to tell us that we need to cool it with our cockles posts. while i don't think i would have sent the same messages, that sounds to me like a person who is expressing genuine concern that we're making them uncomfortable and willing to change their behavior if the answer is yes.

by contrast, the j2 tinhatters seem to do more dictating of what jared/jensen should do and feel, as if they're entitled to them behaving as their stans see fit. i've seen quite a few tweets of these people lecturing jensen over the prequelgate, making demands, acting as if they have a say in what they imagine j2's relationship to be, as if jensen has to personally make it up to them for his actions.

so yeah, i do think it's a pretty strange comparison. the person in question's actions were arguably misguided, but seem to me undeniably well-intentioned. i don't think "i'm worried that we are making you uncomfortable, can you give us a sign so we know what you want from us?" is in any realm the same thing as "your personal choices in your private relationship have hurt ME and you need to take steps to make it up to jared AND us, if you don't then we won't forgive you and you're not the person we thought you were."

fans bringing up cockles to cockles IS a problem, i fully agree, but taking this one instance and stating that "cockles fandom is turning into j2 fandom" is... overreacting. i completely understand where the worry is coming from, but i don't think that conclusion is fair.

in my experience, cockles fandom is remarkably well behaved, and misha and jensen are not only remarkably laid back about it all, they deliberately egg us on. i don't think they want us to make cockles-related comments in public/in their replies, but i certainly don't think this person's kind anxiety offended misha. he has seen so much worse.

so i think maybe just... chill out a little, let this go. maybe restate that we don't talk to cockles about cockles, but this wasn't a severe infraction. don't harass that person.

as to whether or not the resulting red-yellow-green colors on misha's page were a deliberate response... i really don't know, but it does seem like a heck of a coincidence, and misha does love to troll.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Worry about you

(6x15/6x17/6x19)

Hi my friends! Today I want to talk with seriousness about one of the most hilarious episodes from season 6. And because it was written by Ben Edlund, there's juicy Destiel elements there. I will talk too about episode 18 and 19, near to the end, because I will take some points from those too.

I want to give thanks to my friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this meta! Love ya girl!

Ok, let's start this volume...

Balthazar calling Cas as Cassie

When 6x15 "The French Mistake" starts, Balthazar appears in Bobby's house, moving fast as Cas did in 6x03, appearing and dissapearing the whole time looking for things to use in a spell... In the middle of that loud scene, this dialogue is developed...

BALTHAZAR: Raphael is after us all. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move.

SAM: And where's Cas?

BALTHAZAR: Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last Samaritan who helped our dear Cas – Including both of you. And so much more importantly, me. See, he wants to draw Cas out in the open.

First of all I want to say, each episode written by Edlund, shows us DEAN AND CAS ARE IN LOVE, each one of them. The man knew what he was doing writing their relationship as romantic. So, I would say... This wasn't the exception... Why Balthazar would name Cas as Cassie (Dean's first love?) Balthazar doesn't know that, but we do, the spectators.

Dean exaggeratedly eye fucking Misha/Cas

One of the most hilarious scenes was this one here ...

Dean playing to be Jensen playing to be Dean, and the eye fucking. Delightful, just because Dean knows Cas and him do that thing the whole time. So, he plays his role, but because Dean is an awful actor, that's the result.

Pretty interesting Dean is aware of it... Just saying.

Dean starts to worry about Cas

By the end of the episode, Raphael find the boys and Balthazar, but Cas makes his apparition. But why on Earth the camera just took Dean's facial reaction to what Cas was saying and doing?

That's fear and concern in Dean's face... He is maybe seeing things are not good... And he's worry because CAS doesn't tell him the whole thing...

CASTIEL It was Balthazar's plan. I would have done the same thing.

Castiel is in soldier mode these words made Dean be a little mad at him...

DEAN That's not comforting, Cas.

He would expect something different from his friend, like maybe, some kind of protection, and not be used as bait. So here Dean is feeling a little disappointed.

CASTIEL When will I be able to make you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose. Everything.

Edlund is pointing one of the excuses for Castiel taking this kind of decisions and positions. Castiel needs desperately to win against Raphael, and he's willing to everything to fulfill that mission. Even lie to the Winchesters and work with Crowley.

DEAN Yeah, Cas. We know the stakes. That's about all you've told us!

CASTIEL I'm sorry about all this. I'll explain when I can.

Cas would love to count with them and not lie them, but he's at war.

DEAN Friggin' angels.

Edlund's Dean quote each time an angel surprisingly vanish in front of him 🤣

Jealous!Dean attacks again

In episode 6x17 "My heart will go on"

When Fate is attempting to kill Dean and Sam

In that abbandoned restaurante, i noticed something interesting. Remember I mention the colored codification started in this season? Well... We have another Destiel Coded Colored foreshadow. The burner knobs were colored in BLUE and RED, representing Dean and Cas, but toxic, angry Dean. And the whole place exploded... So... What a big and huge foreshadow for the settlement of the bid Destiel fight and break up in the following episodes, isn't?

But we're here to talk about Jealous! Dean, because we love it.

When Cas saves the boys from that explosion, this was part of the talk...

DEAN So we've pissed fate off personally.

CASTIEL If I know her – and I do – she won't stop until you're dead.

DEAN  Awesome. So what do we do?

CASTIEL Kill her.

SAM Kill fate?

CASTIEL Do you have another suggestion?

SAM No, I'm – I just mean, uh...Can you even do that?

CASTIEL Balthazar has a weapon that will work against her.

DEAN Of course he does. Yeah. Boy, that guy's just got it covered, doesn't he?You need new friends, Cas.

Do you notice the shade of jealousy here?? And then...

The dialogue between Fate and Cas showed us again how desperately was Castiel to win the war. And Balthazar was working for him. We see more about how CAS is getting into the dark side for the biggest purpose.

But even so, they showed us too, he's worry about Sam and Dean safety.

By the end of the episode, we had another dialogue between Castiel and the boys...

And Cas lies to Dean...

And then Dean makes a bad joke, and Cas dissapears again.

DEAN I'll tell you one thing about Cas, he does not appreciate the finer things.

Dean says this because isn't the first time he makes a joke and Cas vanishes. But I wonder if is related to Castiel feeling a little bit offended, and you'll know what I mean in the next point...

Dean mocking CAS, just because he enjoys it

In episode 6x19 "Mommy Dearest" we can see how since this scene happened...

So, Cas feel offended, and Sammy pointed that to Dean. Dean gets a little surprised, but...I'm sure this was very enjoyable for him, because then he'll mock him again.

Also... I want to mark here something... If Cas was able to dissapeard by flying here, I'm sure he may do it. Because... I recall that scene in the car in season 5 (last episode) when Dean mocked him about not having sense of humor, he vanished then. And the we had the Kate Winslet's breast joke, and now this one... So...

We had this one here...

Again mentioning babies, because he knows Cas got mad about that, and he repeats the action. He's enjoying it, for sure.

But we will have a sweet Innocent comment, I just wanted to share...

The thing here is the sexual innuendos in this episode, firs the famous "Cas get out of my ass!" And now this one here, so funny the double meaning... And Dean's gay panic face 🤣🤣🤣😏.

Castiel is worried about Dean

This episode showed us too, Cas in his soldier mode, can see things the boys can't. Like those little kids in that police station.

Castiel and Dean fought because CAS wasn't agreed with them in driving those kids to their home.

CAS: Dean, Dean. Millions of lives are at stakes here, not just two. Stay focused.

Castiel in soldier mode, trying to make Dean to understand the danger in his decision, but it was late, because Sam and Dean saw in those kids themselves.

DEAN: Are you kidding?

CAS: There's a greater purpose here.

Castiel's excuse to do the things he's doing.

DEAN: You know what, I-I'm getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay? I think what I'd like to do now is save a couple of kids. If you don't mind. We'll catch up. Okay guys, let's go. C'mon. (Dean walks out. Joe, Ryan and Sam follow.)

Cas and Dean are in different pages, Cas is cold minded, first killing Lenore as it was nothing, then torturing the sheriff, and now... Because he's feeling worry about Sam and Dean...

But we know he already fix this sending Crowley.

Another thing is, when Eve attacks Dean, the only one calling his name in despair was CAS...

But when he had to heal him, he took his time, studying Eve's dead body on the ground... He was worried there... Because it supposed that monster should be alive to find Purgatory...

But then Sam reminded him Dean was hurt. So he approached him, and the way he heals him caught my attention, he out his hand on Dean's shoulder... As if he wanted to say something... But he didn't. He just healed him. Maybe with a shade of relief Dean was ok...

Just an addition...NUMBER 25

Ok, the number 25 was mentioned a couple of times in this episode. It was the age of the patient that died and the address in which Eve was.

So... What does this number means? It represents the Argonaut in the arcana. The Argonaut is a Greek hero (it could be Cas) but it also represents in numerology the number 7 that means the inner war to choose the right path and the impulsiveness as a dangerous way to make the wrong decisions... It sound familiar, isn't?

To Conclude

Dean was worried about Castiel because he saw how dangerous was Raphael.

Castiel is between his soldier duty and the love he has for the Winchesters. As we will see in the following metas, he's worried about their safety.

Dean enjoys mocking CAS, that's not news...

Jealous!Dean is delightful too...

Castiel lying to their friends for the biggest purpose, as his excuse. And his impulsiveness and desperation to win a war.

I hope you like this meta, I see you in the next Chronicle. 😘💞

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant

If you want to be tagged, please let me know.

If you want to read the previous season 6 metas, here the links...

Vol. XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XIX, XX, XXI

Buenos Aires, July 31st 2019 9:14 PM

[thefaultinourdefault-blog]

Hi Tumblr! I’m Gay

So basically, I started a journal recently, more specifically about the process I've gone through towards accepting my sexuality, for mental health purposes. Not a big deal really, just some angsty journal entries from a closeted midwesterner. Reading Love, Simon and Symptoms of Being Human inspired me to start an anonymous blog full of these journal entries. I'm not really expecting anyone to read them, but if you do: Hi, you can call me R. Is just a single letter enigmatic enough for you?

Oof, is it pretentious for me to start a tumblr blog about myself? I mean I guess that’s what the world of blogging is all about. (But does anybody really truly blog like this here on tumblr anymore? I don’t think so-) You take a tiny piece of your day to pick up a laptop or some other smartphone or tablet thing and you write about a tiny fraction of your life that people may or may not care about. With most people though, they talk about all the good parts like how some vegan obtains this unreasonably and unattainable body in the healthiest way possible, or how some soccer mom named Karen manages a house of five children, two dogs, and a coup full of chickens. But like most things online, none of it’s real. Or at least, it’s only half real. Like youtube beauty vloggers or instagram models, you get to chose what you say online, and for most people, they chose to only show the best parts of themselves. Understandably so, if you have the choice as to how you will portray yourself, you’re most likely going to do so in the most glorified way possible.(Have my ramblings lost you yet? I bet you think I sound like some wannabe John Green character, in which case, you’re probably correct.)

I was scrolling through tumblr today, looking at other journaling and bloggy blogs, and I saw a quote:

“Advice to Young Journal Keepers. Be lenient with yourself. Conceal your worst faults, leave out your most shameful thoughts, actions, and temptations. Give yourself all the good and interesting qualities you want and haven’t got. If you should die young, what comfort would it be to your relatives to read the truth and have to say: It is not a pearl we have lost, but a swine?” -Rosamond Lehmann

You’ll probably see it too if you just look up “Journal” in the search bar. It’s one of the first results that come up. (There is, however, a concerning amount of “pro-ana” shit in the tag. Watch out, being triggered isn’t fun.) Anyways, I’m not quite sure who this Rosamond Lehman lady is, and I suppose as an English Literature nerd I should have an idea -- all I know is the tiny bits of information that you can get from a quick Google search -- but all I can say is that I disagree with this qoute on every level possible. The reason why I keep my journal, isn’t so that I can preserve the best parts of myself. It isn’t for my relatives or loved ones after I pass, and even so, if they love me any less for the imperfect parts of myself then frankly, it won't be mattering to me anyways. I'll be dead. But this journal is for myself. It’s for all of me, not just the glorified parts that I’d want to put in front of a camera, but also all the other parts; the broken, the beaten, and the damned. In this blog, I will be as honest as anonymously possible.

So here we go, you can call me R. I’m 16 years old. I’m a she/her, but I don’t really care about pronouns. (For myself, I’ll respect yours of course.) And I’m Gay. Or I guess you could say Lesbian, it doesn’t really matter what label you use to define me. Queer? That works too. As long as it’s clear that I definitely absolutely do not like males. Sorry guys, I just don’t roll that way. We can still be friends?

Some people say I can o n l y identify as lesbian; that should be my only, and if not only, my primary self-identifier. “The term ‘gay’ is gendered, and strictly reserved for MALE homosexuals.” and yadda yadda, but the thing is, lesbian isn’t really my favorite word to use to identify myself as. Like don’t get me wrong, I still use it, but it’s just not what I’m the most comfortable with. And at the end of the day, isn’t being a member of the LGBTQ+ community all about using the labels and pronouns that make you most comfortable? It’s supposed to be our space, and sometimes our only space where we can be 100% ourselves all of the time (unless you’re a pedophile.You don’t belong here. I’m sorry. Not really) 

Maybe I’m still uncomfortable with the word Lesbian because of my internalized homophobia, which, as I’ve checked, is still alive and thriving within me - like whatever it is that possessed Will Byers to know that the Mind Flayer was coming. The hatred I feel towards myself for being different is still there, it’s just not always active.

Or maybe it’s because the word “lesbian” is itself, a very gendered word. I’m a cis female, and I don’t really feel or think that I’m nonbinary, but I still feel uncomfortable when very obvious gender rolls are placed upon me. Some days I enjoy looking so adrogynous that people can’t figure me out. That’s just the way I am. 

Or maybe it’s just because I’m a very complicated human. Like, for example, what if I end up developing feelings for a Non-Binary person? I mean, I know that I find Bex Taylor-Klaus e x t r e m e l y attractive, and despite their amount of female rolls in movies and television, Bex Taylor-Klaus is, in fact, a they. And Bex Taylor-Klaus can still get it (in my dreams. I know they’re 24. You can calm down. There’s easily people far younger than me on this app thirsting over Jensen Ackles, and I’m not even really thirsting). So then, if I were to one day date or have any kind of romantic interest in a Non-Binary person that I actually know, then wouldn’t it be disrespectful or “enbyphobic” to categorize myself as a lesbian?

I think Dan Howell did a very good job describing how I feel in his coming out video. I am, in fact, a formless blob. I’m not quite sure what the world thinks that I should categorize myself as, but whatever it is, I know that it’s gay, so gay is what I’m sticking with, and when -- or if -- I eventually come out to my family. Gay is most likely the word that I’ll use.

So, how’s that for a first-ever actual blog post? Pretty boring? I thought so too, but at the end of the day this blog is for me, and it doesn’t really matter how many people do or don’t read it, and it doesn’t really matter how many people enjoy it. It just feels good to finally be able to put my real self out there, even if nobody will ever know who I am.

But if you did by some chance read this far, congratulations! You officially have all the patience that I don’t! Here’s your exit ticket:

Regardless as to your gender identity or sexuality (and yes, those two things are very separate and different), is there any celebrity that never fails to make you question your sexuality?

Signing off,

R

[eisforeidolon]

Better and far more legitimate question: why are so many destiel shippers so toxic and entitled that they think not telling them their ship is totes canon is both a personal attack and a hate crime?

Jensen doesn't hate destiel. He just has no particular interest in discussing fans' non-canon shipping and he's made that clear several times. He goes to conventions to talk about his perspective on the show he actually made ... Then gets fans demanding to know why destiel isn't canon because if Dean can fanboy Dr Sexy he must want to fuck him. Then gets fans shoving straight up porn in his face. Then gets fans yelling over him trying to get him to bring up Cass. Then gets fans trying to get him to read essays about how Dean is bisexual to "educate" him about how wrong he is about his own acting and character. Then gets fans wearing T-shirts telling him he's wrong about his own show. Then gets fans stating point blank that goodbye scene was romantic and trying to get him to expound upon that interpretation. And so on.

The vast majority of the time when someone brings the ship up to him? It's belligerently leading questions, trying to talk over him, or creepy invasive sexual shit - that all turns into online slander when he says no, says ship what you want, says nobody at the helm was writing the show that way and he wasn't playing the character that way. Gosh, I can't imagine why he'd be immediately uncomfortable and defensive as soon as the topic comes up given that context! Or why he's overly concerned with the presentation of the character when fans insist Dean literally just making eye contact with another man while talking to him, being a fan of something, or not reacting angrily to another man flirting with him is proof of how "gay" he is. Sure Jensen has said some less than PC things I'd expect of a 30-40 year old dude raised in Texas over the years, but if you really want to talk about who has shitloads of issues with queerness, unfortunate stereotypes, and toxic masculinity they aren't trying to work through? Let's start with all the destiel meta that begins with "lol no straight guy would ever ..." and insisting a guy who *gasp* dares to say he didn't play his character as attracted to men must be a homophobe in denial because he obviously did. 🙄

As to that confession, present an actual source of anybody but Misha and Berens saying any such thing about its intention - I won't hold my breath. At the same convention (Denver 2021) that Jared got so much shit for saying there were all kinds of love and all interpretations were valid and Jensen agreed with him, Misha in his panel with Alex said basically the same thing Jensen reportedly said in a previous M&G about an artist not telling people what to interpret out of an artwork and how he didn't want his interpretation to be the definitive word. But somehow that gets forgotten in all the other more leading, more bait-y shit he's said elsewhere.

Which brings me to my final point. Jensen says ship and headcanon what you want, but sorry, that's not what I intended or what the writers put into the text, it's just fan fantasies - and you lot insist he's a homophobe for not telling you what you want to hear and being uncomfortable when you keep ignoring what he's said and trying to make him give you a different answer. Misha lies to you, makes sly implications, changes his story back and forth constantly, was involved in at least one of those answers agreeing with Jensen about certain dialogue and actions being questionable for the male characters they were playing, all but admits he was falsely leading you on for years when he said he was sure going into season 15 the writers would never go even as far as they did, preps merch to release through his company to capitalize on that scene, and even queerbaits so hard he has to come out as straight - and you live up his ass praising him as some kind of amazing ally.

Well gosh, I wonder if maybe just maybe it's not about understanding or giving a shit about LGBT+ issues and toxic masculinity at all, only feeling entitled to being told your personal interpretations about this one single specific ship are The Real Story of SPN! Actually that's a lie, I don't wonder.

why is jensen ackles so toxic?

i have been a supernatural fan for over ten years and i have known for a while that jensen has never been a fan of destiel, which would be completely fine if he didn't always react uncomfortable and downright disgusted every time someone mentions it and / or the possibility of dean being queer. i have seen him become very defensive and even hostile when asked questions about these things at conventions. to this day jensen (& jared) STILL vehemently call castiel's confession "platonic" and "brotherly" while the writers, showrunners and misha explicitly called it a romantic confession of love.

my problem with jensen's behaviour is that it seems to be rooted in very toxic masculinity and the fragility of it. he has called emotional writing "unmanly" and "effeminate" and "something dean would never say to another man"; he was glad that dean didn't share many scenes with castiel in season 9; he desperately wanted destiel "to go away" and something else that really irks me: so many times when destiel was talked about, he brought up wincest, as if that is in any way the same. he seems to associate queerness with unmanliness, weakness and something to be uncomfortable about.

i can understand that destiel extremists have insulted his wife, insinuated ridiculous things happened between actors etc but this is no excuse for his downright homophobic comments and behaviour. he can also imagine dean however he wants and i know he thinks he understands dean better than anyone but it's so sad to me how much he seems to limit dean in who he could be TO OTHER PEOPLE. who does it harm if a bunch of bi people see themselves in him and his behaviour? i thought jensen understood just how much dean hid from everyone. it makes me sad that he seems to want to forbid other people from interpreting dean differently than he does.

he should really take some time to reflect if dean winchester's non-canon sexuality is really worth coming across homophobic for.