#just kidding he could nd should have lived i am so mad

[euyrdice]

major cowboy bebop & banana fish spoilers in tags!!

started and finished cowboy bebop in three days. it was beautiful stunning will mean something to me forever. also was a waste of my damn time.

[ringmyheart]

hey, i was wondering if i could hv headcanons with how to fight characters? maybe when their crush's parents scold them for getting bad score at school, like that time at the end of the semester. pls do it with seong taehoon and jiyeon woo. thank you! 🥺

SEONG TAEHOON

The first thing he’s gonna do honestly is tell u to fight ur parents. U tell him about how u got a bad score and how it’s the end of the semester and the test/ur overall grade was important and he’s so used to living life the way HE wants he tells u to just. Fight them

And you’re first thought 2 say is idk how to fight? Bc what he said is just so sudden and kinda preposterous and ur upset and he’s like okay, I’ll teach u then and ur like I’m not fighting my parents 😭 and he goes okay then I’LL do it

And u have to rlly reiterate like” NOBODY is fighting my parents” first and foremost and after that he kind of just goes silent because he has no idea how to help you or what to do and u have knocked every idea he’s offered out of the park

Truthfully I don’t think he cares about grades too much for himself and this extends to you too. He doesn’t get why you’re so concerned, and his dad (I’m pretty sure form what we’ve seen so far) is really nice and laidback so it’s not like he’s ever being reprimanded so he’s also partfully angry at your parents bc they made u upset

Like rlly angry LMAO and as ur ranting to him ab how they yelled at u for bad grades he’s just like one day… one day he’s gna fight them 😐 he doesn’t make exceptions. He might tell u to tell them to watch out LMAO but he says it so dead seriously and u laugh but wonder if he’s even joking ?

He’s like okay well have u considered: running away

And u quickly dismiss that idea too bc u have nowhere to go and it’s literally just them scolding u ur like it’s not THAT srs... I’m just upset and he’s like u have a place to sta... nvm he’s not gonna b sweet if it’s not like absolutely necessary LOL

Bc of his lack of understanding or just overall interest in this kind of stuff, he just listens to u bc his advice clearly wasn’t cutting it for u.

He asks to see the grade and u hand him the test or the grade folder and it if ur grades weren’t even that bad, he’s gonna get frustrated w you and be like u have gotta b kidding me this is what ur stressed about 😐 what ur parents yelled at u for?? And he smacks u on the side of ur head and is like please tell me ur joking these are good. Anything above a C in his eyes is still really good

If ur grades were a D, he’s like neutral like okay yeah it was kinda bad but not the worst, don’t stress about it I’ve gotten tons of D’s.

And if it was an F he’s like oh okay yeah it was pretty bad like I get it. But this would just make things worse and ur like ur right I did so baaad and he’s like nonono oh no it’s not like that and he like stiffens and goes quiet when u get misty eyed I guess and wonders once again why this is so serious to you?? Who cares about grades?

He probably gets mad ur letting other ppl control ur life. We’ve seen that he hates other ppl living their lives for others or by others rules and he’s kinda frustrated at you and wishes he could just take over u for a day or something and tell ur parents off and ur talking about it and he’s narrowing his eyes at you but ur clearly upset so he’s not gonna yell at u rn. When u feel better ab this he probably will tell you to stop living by others standards but for now he’s kinda lost

He tries to convince u to rise up against ur parents and is like “are u gonna keep letting people in ur life control u?!” And it’s like a motivational pep talk and ur like “no!” And he’s like “are you gonna let THEM yell at you and hurt YOUR feelings?! Cause I sure as hell am not!” And ur getting more energetic and r like “me neither!” And he’s like “are you gonna let ur own PARENTS talk to YOU like that?!” And u go “no!!” Nd he’s like “we r sick of it!!” And u go “ya we r 😭” and then he thinks ur on board so he’s like good!! Let’s go beat ur parents

And ur like “what” and he realizes u weren’t on the same page the entire time so he eventually bedgrudginly will lie that idea go

And he tells you this, like he says it won’t matter in seven years, right?? So why does it matter? Pls cheer up and be doesnt outright say this but he’s like “don’t worry ur pretty little head about it” or something to cheer u up

If it works and he successfully consoles u he is rlly happy and doesn’t show it but he’ll shove his hands in his pockets and go “see?? I told you. I’m good at this advice thing.”

If it doesn’t, he’ll try to take ur mind off it and he probably just shows u his spinning back kick or something LMAO or take u to the dojo so u can either do stuff w him or just watch

But if u tell him what ur upset about isn’t grades but ur parents, he’ll listen to u tell him what they told u if it was mean or strict and if it’s rlly bad his eyes will go bloodshot and he’ll roll up his sleeves and be like okay let me at them then

Literally don’t even JOKE ab him beating up ur parents he will do it 😭😭 and worse thing is he’ll WIN. Don’t even be like “yeah I wish u would beat them up for me” bc he doesn’t draw the line between u joking and him actually doing it probably. Even if he knows ur joking, which he will bc he’s not dense he’ll use it against u and be like u have me permission and suddenly ur the instigator

He listens to u rant about them if u just want a listener and he can probably tell by ur body language… like If ur clearly wanting advice, he’ll offer u the best he can and will tell you to stick up for yourself or, if you’re really upset he’ll even consider talking to them for u. No fists to his chagrin but he’ll advocate for u and he won’t plan beforehand at all he’ll just say “I think u need 2 be nicer to ur child.” And will be like “this shit doesn’t even matter anyways” and will rip the test paper in front of them so this option is obviously not even a choice for you

If u start to cry he’ll first awkwardly do that thing that people do when they don’t know how to console someone and rub your arm and he’s like “Uhh, do u want water?” Bc he’s sad bc UR sad and doesn’t know what to do and it’s like what he’s doing isn’t that helpful but the tone in his voice is v consoling and comforting bc he’s suddenly kinda quiet 4 once

If ur sobbing he’ll hold u and u cry into his shirt and later he’ll talk about how you got it all wet but like when he goes home in the mirror and sees the tear stains it reminds him ur hurt and breaks his heart

He will study with you. And by studying it’s just him like sitting with you while you study. He doesn’t think you should study but if that’s how you want to solve this and feel better he’s down. He won’t read anything but if u have flash cards he will read them back to you and ask u questions and he doesn’t know the right answer himself (unless it’s math he’s probably rlly rlly good at math.) so u have to write them on the back. But he’s pretty good at helping u study

And if ur doing flash cards, he won’t tell u the answer until u guess it and he’s good at hinting to it and he gets annoyed VERY easily when ur not saying the answer u wrote on the back but bites it down

If ur parents make u stay home more and study as like a consequence of gettig a bad grade, he won’t have any of it

He will either confront ur parents and that either makes things somewhat better or incredibly worse

So if that’s what happens he’ll text u a lot and face time u in secret and call u a lot so even tho ur not together, every time u come home from school and open a book ur phone is hidden in the bend of it and ur fting and sometimes u don’t even talk he’s just FaceTiming u so u won’t b alone while u study and bc he misses u

Overall, he really couldn’t give a shit about grades but if need be, he’ll help u with urs, he’d be the best math tutor if ur looking, if ur parents lock u up a lot to study more bc they’re mad he will use any other option to see u, and he’ll try his best to console u despite not being that knowledgeable or understanding why you’re upset. His go to comfort option is distraction, but if it’s futile he’ll do whatever it is u wanna do. If u thank him for helping u he’ll kick something and will b like “yeah whatever I was just sick of u moping around.”

JIYEON WOO

He understands what’s going on with you all too well. When you tell him ur parents scolded u bc u didn’t do so hot in a test or ur overall grades this semester, it’s like his heart is a weight that drops into his stomach and ties his intestine into a huge knot. Like he feels the dread set in

He’s takes a muuuuchhhh more calm approach than Taehoon tbh, like while ur talking he won’t say a word and will listen. He is SUCHHH a good listener and especially now he’s just staring at you and nodding his head to let you know he’s listening to make sure u know that like he is there and present and if ur sad he’s sad too like u guys r a “team”

While ur venting, if u begin to cry he’ll let u and he’s more of a “rub-ur-back-soothingly” type of consoler so he’ll do that and if u half hug him he’ll continue do it but he’s looking at u w the saddest eyes in the world ☹️

Doesn’t rlly know what to do at first besides listen and b nice

He might even get misty eyed with u too bc he understands so much. But he won’t bring up his home situation at ALL, it’s like ur stage and he’s just a listener, he won’t make u feel like he’s comparing ur pain

His fist clenched at his side because he’s angry at your parents AND his and he’s imagining what ur parents said in his mind and even if it wasn’t that bad, he’s fuming

He might even offer to run away w u too and he “knows a place” 😭and ur like omg it’s not that bad but after reminiscing on his own home life he just assumes you’re as sick of it as him

If you’re his s/o, you obviously know about his YouTube streams, so that week at the end of every stream he’ll take a risk and unmute it and go “and don’t worry about grades too much, guys :)” and ur “guys”

Either that or he’ll do something so he will stop streaming completely for that week bc it might make u feel like he’s rubbing it in ur face how much he studies nd how studious he is and yes it gets him in trouble w his dad but when u start to feel better ab ur grades and u smile and he’s like “I thought u were upset?” And u say “oh, yeah… I’m feeling better now :)” it’s all worth it

Since he’s so consumed w streaming if u weren’t able to ever meet in person, and u had to FaceTime or text him, he probably spams u and u guys have to text at like 3am bc he’s studying all other hours of the day so he’s under his covers and reading or calling u

Like it goes

‘My parents got mad at me bc I got bad grades :(((‘ and then he sees the text he reads it and then again and is like oh no bc is it like his situation???

And then u go get a snack or something and go MIA during texting but he doesn’t know that so he spams u bc he thinks that maybe ur parents took ur phone and r locking u up like his did him so he’s like

‘Are you okay?’

‘Hello…?’

‘Where did you go? :(‘

‘Are you okay?’

‘Please be okay…’

‘(Y/n)?’

And if he suspects ur parents took ur phone and r gonna read this he sends things a very lengthy and persuasive text that explains why this is cruel and unusual and to PLS give u ur phone back and then it says seen and ur like it’s still me :)) I’m okay but thx for worrying 😭❤️

And he’s like ‘thank god…’

Since he’s a part of that newtube company (XY or something? I forgot HAHA), he has connections honestly??? So if you’re that torn over this grade he might try and pull some strings to improve your grade, make classes easier or to reach your parents even. Like he affects his parents’ boss which then butterfly effects to you

Assures you that grades aren’t that important, or tries to, but it’s so horrible coming from him because he has such good grades and it always is gonna feel like he’s just saying that no matter what

If he could he’d fail a test too to make u feel better and like ur in it together but his dad would MURDER him. So he just tries to tell u it’s okay and graders aren’t that bad

If ur mostly upset over the bad grade, he’s like it’s fine, and even if it’s a grade he genuinely considers bad he’ll look at it like “...” before going this is fine too!! :) and in his mind he’s like if I got this my dad would kill me but would NOT tell you that EVERRR. He’s gonna do anything to preserve ur feeling rn and the next few weeks he’s especially nice to u

Will study with you to make you feel better but it’s hard because he’s really far ahead tbh :(( like he explains assuming u already have some ground knowledge. BUT he’s really good at being patient so if ur like I don’t understand and get frustrated he’s like “oh I’m sorry!!! Here, I’ll go over it again.”

U guys start spending time at the library and when his dad questions him he’s like I’m studying and he really is and it’s like a study date and it actually ends up being RLLY fun

Might even print u worksheets and stuff and leaves nice notes on them when he gives them to u like every chapter has another ‘u can do it’ of ‘ur already here?! Omg! Ur far ahead keep going!’ And lots of smiley faces and hearts in the margins

He is not above helping u cheat. He will give u answers in school, risking being caught nd getting in trouble, like he’ll find a way to sit as close to u as possible in class and “drop” his pen besides u that just happens to have a paper inside with all of the answers!!!!

And when you see it you’re so happy and you look at him and wink trying it be inconspicuous and it’s so obvious and he’s like omg (y/n) pls… but he’s happy ur happy and ur grades improve so much bc he gets every answer right and so of course you are getting them right too

But u both plan on u getting a few wrong to avoid suspicion and he’s so happy when ur happy bc ur grades improve so he’ll start sending u the HW, too

Will send u just study notes if u don’t want to cheat and they r so good and he’ll also send u his flash cards and everything and lend u notes from the past

He knows ur YouTube username so if u start to study a lot more bc of ur parents’ scolding and watch his streams to “study” w him despite the million viewers it’s like it’s just u nd him and when u comment like “here bc my parents yelled @ me and now im trying to improve my grades” he is simultaneously v happy ur there but also heart broken

If it’s mainly ur parents scolding u ur upset about, he’ll listen to u talk about it for hours on end over text, FaceTime, call, etc.

Makes a joke ab sending ur parents to the nursing home he volunteers at to cheer u up 😭😭 it either makes u son harder or laugh

Overall, he cares LOTS about grades, but his not urs. And if ur worried ab getting a job he’s like dw I’ll cover u in the future :)) and he’s very understanding bc he’s in a very similar situation and hates seeing u suffer like that or go thru that even if it’s genuinely not that bad. If u cry his works just SHATTERS and he’ll listen to u rant and cry for hours on end. And if ur grades were actually considerably bad, he won’t tell u that, and he’ll help u improve them bc THATS his solution to it and he’s good at helping u study. If ur not up to it he will help u cheat despite the danger of getting caught, so he can see u happy again :(( he’s rlly so sad ur going thru the same thing as him and will do anything to make it better. Won’t offer to fight ur parents but if need be he might rough one of them up if things escalate to really like mentally abusive-like proportions. But if it wasn’t that bad, he’ll just console u and help u to feel better no matter what !!

(Unedited)

I hope this came out well!! I’m so happy I’m getting how to fight requests tysm for that, <3 also it ended up kinda long and I lost my train of thought a few times but this felt like an emergency request and when I read those I like when they’re rlly long bc it distracts and comforts me. If it was one I hope ur okay and know u r more than ur grades!!!! ❤️❤️ ty for ur request :))

[fangirlovestuff]

A Very Colin Christmas - Colin Shea x reader

Ch.3 - Meet The Family

ch.1  ch.2

a/n - Hey lovely people!! I hope you’re having a wonderful day and here’s the third chapter, enjoy!!<3

Summary: The big weekend arrives and you get to meet Colin’s family. Your plan’s going smoothly, they seem to like you. But there might be another problem...

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: curse words, innuendos, annoying relatives

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The big weekend has arrived, and in hindsight, you should've been more prepared.

You were sitting in your living room when you heard a flurry of voices from outside your door. Getting up and putting your ear to the door, you tried to realize what was happening.

"Colin dear, how are you?" a feminine voice was saying. "You know, I've just realized I don't think I've ever been to your apartment," she, who you assumed was his mother, continued.

"First time for everything, mom," you heard Colin's voice affirming your thoughts. "Come in," he said, and after a few moments you heard a door shutting and the voices died down. You went back and sat down on your sofa before getting up again and getting dressed, assuming Colin would ask you to come soon.

When you got dressed, you went over the details in your head one last time. Colin's parents were staying with him, Andy and his family were staying at a hotel nearby. You and Colin were serious, but didn't live together yet. He told you to act like yourself, just "double in love than you already were".

"Double zero is still zero, Colin. Don't make me regret I'm doing this," you had said.

"Okay, okay," he had laughed.

Now, you were standing in front of your mirror, examining yourself. But it was a poor distraction from the thoughts going through your mind. There was an awful lot of them, but the general point was – am I really going to do this?

Because when you had met Colin, you said you were going to be just friends, and that you were never going to let yourself feel anything more for him, because there was no way he would reciprocate. And you couldn't help but think that this little favor was really a recipe for disaster.

Just then you got a text from Colin that read "be here in ten pls".

Realizing this wasn't really time to rethink this, you shook your head. Then, you put on some lipstick and shoes, and grabbed a jacket and a purse. Colin's family didn't know you were neighbors, and if the plan succeeds, they wouldn't realize it.

Ten minutes later, you were knocking on Colin's door. It opened to reveal a man about as tall as Colin, but he was a bit older. His beard was neatly trimmed, his hair a bit darker than Colin's but you immediately saw the resemblance. The eyes. Looking at his face, you resisted the urge to sigh. Damn, I didn't realize everyone in this family got the pretty gene. So unfair.

"Hey," the man said with a smile. "I'm-''

"Andy, right? Colin's brother?" you said with a smile.

"Exactly," he chuckled. "And I assume you're Colin's girlfriend?"

"So you've heard of me?" you said playfully and then told him your name.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you. And for the record, all I heard about you were good things," he extended his hand to you and you shook it before he gestured for you to get in and followed you inside.

You made your way to the living room, where the entire family was sitting. His mom and dad were on the couch with who you assumed were Laurie and Jacob, Andy's wife and kid, while Colin was sitting on a chair from the kitchen. Your entrance stopped the conversation they were having, whatever it was about, as they all looked up at you.

"Merry Christmas!" you greeted them all before Colin saved you from having to think of anything else to say. He got up and made his way to wrap his arm around you, gesturing towards the chair he just got up from. "Sit down babe, I'll go get another chair," he smiled.

You smiled back at him in what you hoped was a lovey way. "Thank you," you drew out the 'you' before going to sit and introducing yourself to his family. They introduced themselves, and their smiles were inviting and warm. Colin's mom, Eleanor exchanged a look with his dad William, but it didn't seem to be a menacing one. At first glance, everything was going great.

Andy sat down on the other chair that was there. "So, what do you do?" he asked you with a smile.

You told him about your actual job, thankful it wasn't anything Colin-related. In the meantime, Colin came back with a chair and sat down next to you, taking your hand and squeezing it in his before resting your joint palms on his lap.

"How come you're spending Christmas with us?" Laurie asked with a smile. Her question seemed a little less genuine. You didn't know if you were reading into it too much, but it seemed like she was asking you 'Oh, what makes you think you can join our family? Get your own.'

But that was probably paranoia. I mean, that would be crazy.

"Well," you answered, "my family couldn't really do Christmas together this year, since my dad has a work thing, so we decided to meet up in a week instead, for new year's. When Colin heard I had no plans, he invited me to meet you guys, and how could I say no to that?" you smiled and looked at Colin as you said the last part.

"Tell me," Eleanor leaned forward, "with a job like yours, aren't you hoping Colin gets a profession that's a little more… professional, maybe?"

If you thought Laurie might be passive aggressive, there was no room for error with Eleanor. At second glance, things might not be going that great.

"Wow, getting straight to business, mom," Colin chuckled.

"What, I wanna hear what she has to say," she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Colin's very professional at what he does already," you offered, "And I know it's what he wants to do, so I want that for him too," you clutched Colin's hand and smiled at him.

"I see," she nodded. There was an awkward silence before Colin spoke up.

"So Jacob, how's school?"

"Great," he said without even looking up from his phone.

"I'm a little hungry," you said, "Colin, let’s go get the food out," you smiled and got up.

"After you," he gestured and followed you to the kitchen. His kitchen had no door, but it was far enough from the living room that when you heard voices of conversation, you felt okay about whispering to Colin.

"What the hell?" you whispered as you took some boxes out of the fridge.

"I know," he whispered back, "I told you they were a lot. Sorry."

"It’s okay, it's not your fault. But damn, they are definitely… interesting."

You heated up the food and brought it to the living room table. A few days ago, when you and Colin had sat here, he was smiling, and the light from the Christmas décor created a very warm atmosphere. Now, the same room somehow seemed manufactured, unauthentic, and Colin's smile seemed the same.

You had dinner without any touchy subjects coming up, thankfully. While they were talking about a case Andy was handling as the district attorney, you figured what Colin was trying to say about him. Andy wasn't a bad person, didn't seem like a bad husband or father or brother or son as well. But that was the thing about him. He was so perfect it was almost unsettling, it made you want to prod around until you realized what was wrong with him. Hell, he almost made you feel inadequate, so you could imagine what it was like for Colin, who has him as a big brother.

As dinner was coming to an end, you excused yourself, saying you should probably get back home. Colin got up and handed you your jacket from the hanger, like a good boyfriend should, when –

"Hey, you two are under the mistletoe!" Laurie exclaimed with a smile. You looked up, realizing she was right.

"Oh," you giggled, "I guess we are."

You rose on your tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek, but at the same moment he turned his head, resulting in you planting a kiss on his lips. You stifled a squeak of surprise when he put his hand on your lower back, pulling you closer for a moment before breaking the kiss.

"Goodnight," you smiled at everyone, avoiding Colin's eyes.

"We'll see you tomorrow, right?" Eleanor asked.

You were tempted to say no. Colin was the one who broke the rules, and his family was admittedly kind of annoying. But when you snuck a peek at him from the corner of your eye, you saw the look on his face.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," you waved and promptly left, closing the door behind you.

Later, you found yourself in bed, struggling to fall asleep. You were almost mad at yourself for not making up an excuse and telling them you won't be able to make it tomorrow, But then you remembered the look on Colin's face. It was so hopeful, and you couldn't let him down.

You know, because you keep your promises to your friends. Nothing more. It's not the way his eyes were shining in awe. Or how soft his lips were when you kissed him. Or how right it felt to have his hand on the small of your back, pulling you in.

Definitely not.

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feedback is always welcome!!<3

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[yikesharringrove]

this is angsty nd for the mango au so u dont have to answer it (i am SO sorry for the angst) but billy, because of the stress , is getting more irritable and might be a bit snappy or raise his voice a little, and when he realises it, he gets so upset and terrified, maybe spirals a little, tries to “reason” why they aren’t reacting to it (none of them are bothered by it, steves just worried about him) and is so worried he’ll be like neil :(((

Masterlist

Part 32

-

Billy had been getting home later and later each night this week.

Steve was okay, knew he was working two jobs while being a full time student and a dad to two pups, just made sure he ate when he came home before collapsing into bed.

It was hard on him.

He felt bad for not being around very much, sometimes he even missed Mina entirely, coming home after she’d gone to bed. It only stressed him out more, thinking about being such a shitty father.

He was wound tight one Saturday morning, getting dressed to go in on his day off.

“Bill, maybe you should quit the garage. Your internship pays better anyway, and you hardly go anymore.”

“I can’t. We need all the money we can get if we’re ever gonna pay off this house.”

“I can go back to work. You know I’ve been doing better.”

“But then we’re just spending your paycheck on a nanny, or daycare, so it doesn’t work.”

“Bill, we talked about this. We can survive for a while. Once you graduate you can get an even better paying job.”

“No, Steve. Once I graduate, I have more school, and then I can get a better paying job.”

“Didn’t you say that some firms hire grads and help them pay for lawschool?”

“I mean, yes, but who’s to say that’s me.”

“Your amazing grades, your dedicated work, your passion and talent for what you do. For a start.” Billy put his fists on the bed, letting his head hang between his shoulders.

“Steve, just drop it.”

“Bill, we’re going to figure it out-”

“Steve! I said drop it! I don’t want to fucking talk about this anymore! Can you leave me alone for five fucking minutes?”

Steve blinked at him.

Billy never raised his voice. Had been yelled out far to much when he was growing up, knew it only hurt.

He rubbed a hand down his face, turning to set off for work.

But tonight he was late.

He should have been home no later than eleven,

It was three in the morning.

Steve was sitting on the couch in the living room, dozing slightly when Billy came in through the front door, stumbling drunk.

“Bill, thank God, I was so worried! Are you okay? Why didn’t you call.” Billy flopped onto the coffee table across from Steve.

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracked. His eyes were hazy.

“Bill, it’s okay, I was just worried you were hurt.”

“I just, I can’t believe I fucking yelled at you. I’m, I’m just like him.” Steve shuffled forward, placing Billy’s head in his neck, rubbing down his arms.

“Billy, you are nothing like him. You are overworked, and stressed out. I understand why you got frustrated, and I am not mad.”

“I just, I was so mad.”

“I know you were, but I also know that you’re a good man. You’re a great husband and an incredible father. I know that you would never do anything to hurt any of us. I know that you would rather fucking die than lay a hand that wasn’t gentle on any of us. You’re good, Bill. Your heart is made of pure fucking gold, despite how hard he tried to taint it.” Billy gave a choked off little sob. “You are not your father. You are your own man. A man that is sweet and kind and caring. A man that stuck by your pregnant boyfriend when you were in high school, a man that works so fucking hard to build a life for your family.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I feel like I haven’t seen the girls in days.”

“Maybe you could talk to your boss about taking Saturday and Sunday off. I could find somewhere to work on the weekends, and you can have the girls. They miss their Daddy.”

“I tried, but that asshole reminds me of your dad. I asked if I could stop working so damn late, since I have a family, and he just fucking laughed and asked why I gotta be home if I’ve got a pretty little omega wifey to take care of it for me.”

When Billy applied to the internship, he and Steve had had a very frank discussion. Steve felt he should keep the fact that he was married to a male omega underwraps. Male omegas were still so looked down upon, he didn’t want his presentation to affect Billy’s opportunities. Billy fought him, said he was proud of their family, was unashamed, but Steve insisted. Billy had a picture of the girls on his desk, and tried to avoid talking about his omega in any situation.

“I’m sorry, Bill. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this. But I’m proud of you. You work so hard, and one day it’s going to be so worth it.”

“I’ll fight for weekends. I feel like I don’t even know Zara.”

“We’ll make it work. We always do.” Billy sat back, looking at Steve.

“I’m really proud of us. When I was that fucking kid, sitting in your bed and you told me you were pregnant, I never imagined we’d end up here.”

“We’ve done good, Bill.”

[kg2hub]

@kg-boys-roleplay | continued from x!

“GRAAAHHH!!!” Felix shouts, his eyes blazing with anger as he turned to face the other who had likely witnessed him telling off Cindy and Ozzy which ended in Cindy running off crying and Ozzy panicking for his inhaler and life. He was so annoyed, so tired and just so DONE with everything.

“I’m SO sorry that I can’t live up to some PATHETIC EXPECTATIONS ALL THE DAMN TIME!! WELCOME TO THE CLUB OF FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT, CAUSE THATS ALL I AM!” He snaps, balling his hands into fist, just becoming more upset as he shouts.

“I CANT DO EVERYTHING Y’KNOW!! I’m tired of trying to be this perfect little heir and trying to not disappoint everyone!! ITS HARD TO KEEP THIS STUPID FASCADE FOR PEOPLE WHO WILL ONLY BE DISAPPOINTED WITH ME IN THE END! It’s exhausting!” Tears were now slowly beginning to fall but why should he care now? He wasn’t trying to impress anyone now anymore.

“Of course you wouldn’t know!….Why would you…? I’m just some snobby rich bully to you anyways…” he bitterly tried to wipe away his tears. “And now I’m just a rambling crybaby. Great.” Felix turns away from him, walking over to the steps and sitting on them, placing his head in his hands.

     Ted blinked, flinching back in surprise at the sudden outburst of fury directed at him all at once. He was never one to stay quiet about injustices. He spoke up whenever he could. Which was usually always unless his father was involved, but even then, Ted could still find the courage to stand up for his brother at those times too. Even when he was scared.

     Here, he was not scared. This other Felix-- The one who looked so much like his twin, but acted nothing like him, deserved to be told off. It was what Ted thought initially, especially when he’d seen the way he made Cindy cry and Ozzy running off suffering through the beginnings of another asthma attack. Initially, Ted thought it was quite awful of Felix to do that. He still thought it was awful. There was no excuse for being mean to people just because you had a bad day. Or week. Or life. Ted thought he and his brother knew that concept pretty well enough, more than anyone else. 

     But that heated rant brought in some unwanted sympathy in Ted. He always tried to be a tough kid, for the sake of standing up for his brother and having to deal with his father, but he had always been soft inside. His heart was blessed, cursed, with so much empathy it was almost unbearable at times. And seeing the way this version of Felix yelled and yelled and cried in front of Ted?  Especially the way he’d say those things-- Those horrible things Ted understood perfectly, intrinsically, unfortunately well?  This was one of those times where his emotions took a sudden turnaround.

     His eyebrows furrowed, concern and worry laden on his expression. It was a first for him, not quite knowing what to say for those first few seconds Ted began to stare at Felix with widened eyes. Being perfect. Being a disappointment. Being expected to be heir, and being exhausted-- Ted knew all those things, sadly, much too well.

     A hand outstretched for Felix for a moment, but Ted soon decided to completely walk over to him beside the steps. He sat down beside him, still struggling to find words and ending up silent an awkward moment longer. Sure, Ted still didn’t like that he hurt Cindy and Ozzy like that. But Ted could understand that Felix only did it because he was upset, and upsetting him even more wouldn’t solve anything. Ted took in a breath, keeping check of his own emotions before he placed a gentle hand on Felix’s shoulder, trying to comfort him.

     “ I’m sorry, okay?  ”   Ted began,  “ Look, I didn’t mean to call you that. That was rude of me, and I was mad, and I apologize. You’re not some crybaby either... There’s nothing wrong with crying. And it was mean of you to say those things to them, yeah, but that didn’t make it okay for me to say stuff about you either. ”  

     Mustering up the will to talk about it-- Ted realized he had never actually spoken out loud about this before.  “ ...I understand how you feel. I know more than anyone, honestly. Those expectations, needing to be perfect-- That sounds like... exactly what I’m going through. ”  Ted let out a bitter laugh.  “ And it’s hard. And no one else understands, not even your own brother. And they all think nothing’s possibly wrong because you’re the son who does everything perfectly, and you’re smart and talented, and your entire family ‘loves’ you and you should be lucky because it’s not like you have any ‘real problems’ like everyone else, right? ...Is that what it’s like for you?  ” 

[kittywildegrrl]

MamaCat Has Been Sick of This Conspiracy Theory Crap Since Before This One Existed

Yea, though I stagger through the final bloody chaotic days of the Trump “presidency,” I shall fear no evil, for the Constitution is with me. Kamala and Joe, they comfort me.

On the real though: scared shitless of the evil.

Rightfully so, for here is the welcome some of our fellow Americans have for the incoming Administration. Almost makes ‘em seem... un-American. May these creeps fail mightily and may Inauguration Day be free of violence.

“‘He has an obligation to them’: Attorney for ‘QAnon shaman’ asks Trump to pardon rioters,” says Politico. “He felt like his voice was, for the first time, being heard,” Watkins said. “And what ended up happening, over the course of the lead-up to the election, over the course of the period from the election to Jan. 6 — it was a driving force by a man he hung his hat on, he hitched his wagon to. He loved Trump. Every word, he listens to him.”

Ugh. There it is. The continental divide between objective reality and Trumpism reality. “Every word, he listens to him.” I saw a classic strongman dictatorship rising, somebody else saw Jesus. I saw my least favorite showman in my lifetime doing his best P. T. Barnum a la Mussolini, somebody else saw the only plausible leader for troubled times.

Perhaps as many as a few thousand of those somebodies attacked our Capitol, and I am not over it. Some more of those somebodies, who knows the actual number, are contributing to online chatter about setting loose further chaos in the next five days.

It’s literally insane, and a lot of it is attributed to the Q conspiracy phenomenon. Two crazy ladies who buy into it have been sent to Washington, D.C., as elected representatives (rollcall.com).

A week after the attempted coup, as the wheels of a second impeachment were grinding over his legacy, the Dear Leader of those who used to watch “The Apprentice” delivered a disingenuous, if carefully-worded, video. In it he denounced the violence. He also employed the No True Scotsman argument, perhaps my favorite of the logical fallacies.

I didn’t buy it, but it wasn’t for me. No, it was for his base, and for his attorneys. Whether he made the attorneys happy is not for me to say. Allegedly Rudy Giuliani is his attorney, and allegedly Rudy’s not getting paid.

No, it’s the latest iteration of Q nonsense on my mind this snowy morning. That video? I saw a beaten man, a would-be Caesar, out of options, doing as he was told for once. Somebody else saw a Q message. Go on over to secondnexus.com and check it out, I’ll wait. You’ll enjoy the screenshotted tweets.

Adding to MamaCat’s recent attack of nostalgia, one learned recently that a former lover, a very bad boyfriend from days of yore, had passed on. Big, strong, handsome, witty, fantastic in bed, cruelly abusive, and possessed of sketchy background, he was champion and nemesis to me in those bizarre days of the mid-90s, when (among other things) I experienced a noticeably short second marriage and met some conspiracy theorists. May he rest in peace. I, for one, am actually relieved. Talk about smart women making foolish choices. I got a million of ‘em.  But the mind will cast its glance backwards at such moments.

Wait till you’re old and crochety, kids, your stories may be wacky and bizarre one day too!

So there was this couple, both my late problematic boyfriend and my second husband knew them, so in the course of things I came to know them too. They seemed like a pretty cool couple, we had interests and friends in common. Then one evening at their house, they began to explain, very carefully and for my own good, about Area 51, Ancient Astronauts, and why the income tax is illegal. Why I should read Ayn Rand, become a Sovereign Citizen, and stock up on guns & ammo.

I was insecure enough in the first place, so at the time, it seemed like the polite way to avoid confrontation was just to listen and not argue too much. I was at their place, without my own car, thinking maybe this won’t go on all night, how can I change the subject to Star Trek… but when we got to the taxes portion of the presentation, I just couldn’t stop myself.

“What about the roads and bridges?”

There was a lot of incoherent babbling about per-use fees and private property and so forth. And as I sat listening, politely, hoping my ride was about ready to go, I was thinking, “They don’t understand how any of this works. They’re grown-ass adults, regurgitating faulty reasoning, telling me mad re-interpretations of what the 1st and 2nd Amendments mean, and they really don’t know how little they know. It’s like an alternate reality. I want to go home.”

(Think about it. The Internet barely existed yet. This was mainly spread face to face and via phone trees at the time.)

That friendship didn’t blossom much after that. Nice enough folks on the face of it, but the crazy talk kept returning to the word, “militia,” and I was not a fan. At that time in my life, I was actually a pretty decent shot, with a number of different firearms (not an owner, though). I let go of this friendship, and not long after, I let go of guns. What I couldn’t let go of was the nagging sense that if this sort of conspiratorial thinking were to get out of hand, become somehow mainstreamed, the only logical outcome would be eventual violence. You can’t combine hatred for the notion of government itself, with fantasies about actual extraterrestrials, with disdain for taxpayer-provided goods and services, with guns and ammo and militia identity, without eventual violence.

And for just a moment, late last night, it felt like the intervening 20 -25 years had never happened. In my actor’s imagination, I could see it like a film cut, from the sepia tones of that living room in New Mexico so long ago, to the craziest damned January in American memory. Nonexistent voter fraud, Q, rightwing hate media; these lie along a straight line from that Sovereign Citizen baloney my friends served for dinner that night. A straight, incredibly white, line.

I really, really hope that the Biden administration comes on like gangbusters in the first hundred days. I hope people’s lives improve drastically, quickly, especially for people who think we voted in Stalinism or something. I really hope we can raise the standard of living across the board (below, say, $250k/annum, you $250k+ guys are actually fine up there). I really, really hope we can address the pandemic. I don’t see any way to controvert the conspiracy-based thinking, unless we just take this opportunity to actually govern for a change, and lift everybody up.

[startledstars]

How can for (extreme) example kids being physically abused/raped by strangers/parents be a trial to overcome for good? Girls being kidnapped and sold for sex? Students stepping on a little puppy for views? If this is a sometimes situation where god lets evil thru, then its everyday 24/7 around the world not just sometimes. God cant stop evil, bacause we are everything between good and evil. Not god makes live wonderful nd miserable but we do. Towards us and others. Being afraid of live being meaningless none guiding us, that is what makes religioun(and other factors) u are free when u are open to see. There is no pure good and evil. Whatever you wet thru its not your fault, you happened to be where its bad but you are grown up indipendent and you can choose to be 'good' or 'bad' in order to help u or other people so long u live. But this god, at least how christianity potrays him, is a fear in your head that prevents you at crumbling infront of the worlds truth to make this all more bearable. People should believe whatever they want as long as it gets them going. But saying all you want is the truth, and yet believing in a god as the catholic religion and you present him. You seem to scared for the truth if you are willing to leave it at that. A simple as god knows. What kind of truth are you after? Be at least honest with yourself

Hi,

These are the right questions. The problem of evil is a Big One. 

In the past century, we’ve had:

two cities decimated by a nuclear bomb

hundreds of millions of people killed by their own governments (socialism is orders of magnitude worse than the holocaust)

famines that lead to parents killing and eating their own children

a global “pandemic” that governments used as a power grab, shutting down the global economy, causing millions of people to starve

And these are only the things we know. For every rape, abuse, and act of violence that is reported, there are many more that go unreported and unpunished. However, almost every rapist/abuser/theif/murder/politician is justified in their own mind. The true mark of an evil person is that they believe they are righteous, to the point where they are above any laws, and will never be sorry for anything they do. 

So, in a Godless world with no objective standards, it’s anyone’s game. Evil is simply a perception; an opinion. Same with good. You can choose to believe in a random, meaningless world where Shit Just Happens and humans are the highest power. You can choose to ignore the fact that there is an undeniable order to reality, where even atheistic scientists admit the universe is so finely tuned, they have to reevaluate their own theories. (That’s actually why the multi-verse theory exists. Scientists have no solid evidence that our universe is one of infinite parallel universe. Watch this video, time stamp 43:19 where famous athiest Dawkins admits the multiverse theory has no scientific evidence.)

You can turn your back on God because He allows things you disagree with. That’s what it usually boils down to: we look at evil with our limited intelligence, perception, and imagination, and decide that because we can’t find a reason for every single instance of wrong doing, no reason can exist. 

It’s like a teenager getting mad at his parents because they enforced curfew. Like a toddler raging because she was denied that fifth piece of candy. In those moments, because the child can’t comprehend their parent’s decision, the parent’s character comes into question.

This is pride and short-sightedness, especially when we’re talking about an infinite creator operating on an infinite universe over an infinite span of time. 

Again, I’m not condoning or justifying evil. The question of evil and human suffering is extremely valid. And I’ve never shied away from looking at the darkest parts of humanity, because that is an important piece of understanding reality. If you do a little digging, you’ll find that this world is so much more evil that you or I could begin to comprehend. People are evil, and it’s going to continue to get worse.

In the face of such evil, it would be easier to not believe in God. (There’s a post sitting in my drafts about how I actually tried to be an athiest because I couldn’t justify evil.) So I think you’re saying that I’m not sincere when I say “search for the truth,” because from your perspective, I believe in God either out of fear, or because it gives me a false sense of comfort. While I can understand why you might think that (because this is how I used to feel about Christians) it’s simply not the case here. 

No one forced these beliefs on me. I am not part of any church or denomination-- the ‘catholic’ comment is a bit out of left field. I don’t blame myself for what happened to me. I don’t blame any victim for their circumstances. Idk there’s some level of misunderstanding and too much to unpack entirely. 

But, if you’re looking for real answers to the problem of evil, I’d suggest approaching The Big Man himself. I do this all the time-- when I see something absolutely horrible, I ask Him how he could possibly allow that. Sometimes, He will give you answers (if you’re willing to hear Him out) and almost every time, He will send a sense of peace. This is something you have to experience for yourself to understand. 

Also, here are some debates between Atheists at the top of their field and Christians. Both sides present arguments better than I ever could, and I actually watched these videos thinking the Atheists might sway me but. Well, see for yourself:

Does God exist? William Lane Craig vs Christopher Hitchens

Richard Dawkins vs John Lennox - The God Delusion Debate

William Lane Craig and CosmicSkeptic Discuss The Kalam Cosmological Argument

(Not a debate but worth checking out)  Stephen Meyer: The Return of the God Hypothesis

Would God Allow Evil? CosmicSkeptic vs InspiringPhilosophy

And here’s a muslim vs. atheist debate to round things out

Bolded my favorites. These take a few hours to get through, but if you’re really interested in the problem of evil or the proof for God, these guys present it well. (btw surprisingly there is more logical/scientific proof for God’s existence than for the athiest or pantheistic model of reality. Check out this short clip. Science and religion used to be two sides of the same coin; people took an intelligent, ordered approach to studying the universe because they believed in an intelligent, ordered creator. So God answered the “why” and science answered the “how” of existence. Just some food for thought.)

I’d also recommend you look into the biblical story of Joseph (his own brothers sold him into slavery, but because of this, Joseph ended up ruling all of Egypt and saving the very brothers who betrayed him). And also the book of Job. While we can’t know everything about the mystery of evil, we can know enough to make an informed decision about God’s existence/character.

Anyways, thank you for this message. I hope you’ll consider the information in this response. I’m glad that you are asking the hard questions, and assure you that the answers are worth seeking and finding. Good night and God bless you :)

[razorblade180]

Lasting Embers pt18: Brewing Storm

[Blake’s Study]

*giant bookshelves on each side and a skylight up top. A desk with a stack off papers on it with Sun hard at work*

Sun:*wearing reading glasses*.......

“You look good in glasses; so official”

Blake:*wearing nothing but one of his shirts half buttoned up and no pants* You’re up early; I woke up and was surprised you weren’t there.

Sun:Had work that needed to be processed. Almost had it done before our unexpected reunion last night. I wish I was in bed.

Blake:*drapes herself over him* Not surprising, you barely got a wink of sleep last night. *kisses his neck and face*

Sun:*chuckles* Gee I wonder why? *reaches his left hand up to rub her ear.

Blake:*purring* Can you blame me? I spent ten years missing you. I like your new clothes by the way; orange is nice on you.

Sun:Thanks, I was going for a sunset vibe. After all my “moon” wasn’t around to make the tougher decisions. So I had to channel some of my inner Blake hehehe.

Blake:Active High Leader Sun Wukong. Looks like the people don’t even need me. Maybe you should keep the job for good.

Sun:Please don’t joke like that. I don’t know how I’ve kept this thing going for a decade but you can have it all back. I miss being second in command.

Blake:Well it’s a good thing I’m more than happy to be back. *picks up some papers* Is this the report from Illia?

Sun:Yeah, prevented another assassination attempt on Whitley. Not to mention the our unwanted guest that were promptly dealt with thanks to the little terror of the desert. Jael really is something else.

Blake:I met up with them before I came here. She looks healthy which is good; also she’s grown like a weed. Wouldn’t be surprised if she’ll outgrow my clothes in awhile.

Sun:She definitely has her father’s intensity that’s for sure. I’m worried about these attacks; there’s never been such a drastic attempt like this. Especially back to back. How did the last part of your mission go?

Blake:A lot of explosions in a mine. *pulls out a map with dozens of red x’s on it* we hit every single one we found. Even went around the world twice for a year just to be sure. Maybe this is a last stitch effort?

Sun:.....I hope so. *stands up* you might wanna get dressed. Adam should be back in a few hours, there’s a festival tonight for your return, I’m sure Illia wants to spend time with you, not to mention your parents.....

Blake:Sigh, no rest for the wary. Guess I’ll go shower, but.....*grabbing Suns arm* you’re helping me wash. High Leader’s orders.

Sun:*smiling* Well if they’re orders!

[Jaune’s Porch]

*Ruby sitting down and taking off her shoe*

Yang:*opening the door*I was wondering where you were. Go for an early jog or something?

Ruby:Visited dad. Felt nostalgic about seeing our home again. Almost nothing as changed; except the boarded up doggy door....

Yang:Oh....how long?

Ruby:Three years; Zwei just ran out of bark he said. Wish I got to hold him one more time.

Yang:Yeah that’s rough. *sits next to her* So, how long you’re bunking with us? Not that anybody wants you gone but I assume you want your own place?

Ruby:My home burnt down before our adventure started. Sure I could easily get another one but.....I’m in no rush to be alone.

...........

Ruby:This is gonna sound terrible but a piece of me wishes I didn’t have to deal with readjusting to life. Maybe our last mission should’ve been my-

Yang:Don’t say it...*holds her hand tightly* there’s no way I could’ve lived with myself coming home without you.

Ruby:....I’m sorry. I should no better than to say things like that by now.

Yang:You’ll get through this, with me. Just like always. I’m always in your corner sis. *smiles*

Ruby;....*hugs her tightly* Yang, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you for everything; for being my sister. *whimpering*

Yang:*looking up at the sky*

*Dark clouds forming in the distance*

Yang:*rubbing Ruby’s head* (A storm is coming. Why.....am I worried?)

[Vale]

*alarm clock ringing*

Tenzen:*in his bed*Zzzzzzz

Ren:*shaking him* Tenzen wake up! You’ve over slept again.

Tenzen:Zzzzzz

Ren:Pancakes are made.

Tenzen:Zzzzzzz

Ren:Yujin made them...

Tenzen:*jumps up* Lies! She makes french to- what time is it?

Ren:Past sunrise; your mother is probably waiting for you to show up and running drills again.

Tenzen:Shoot! She’ll probably ramp up the difficulty now. *starts zipping around his bedroom causing the lights to flicker*

Ren:You might blow a fuse at this rate *catches him as he passes by* remember to eat before moving like that or you might just ended up worn out and sleepy again.

Tenzen:Valid point, I’ll probably end up grabbing some snacks to eat before I see her.

Ren:*holds up a protein bar* here, I doubt you have time to make breakfast.

Tenzen:You’re the best. I’m surprised you haven’t made breakfast yet.

Ren:*points to luggage outside* I’ve been preoccupied this morning.

Tenzen:*eyes widened* Already going on the medical trip? Didn’t think you’d pack so soon.

Ren:Nora is finishing up your training, thanks to you everything is paid for, and hopefully by next month you’ll ace the entrance exam to Beacon. Looks like you don’t need me around anymore.

Tenzen:Don’t phase it like that. *hugs him* I’m always gonna need you dad. Have a safe trip and speedy recovery! Looking forward to dancing with you whenever you return.

Ren:As long as there’s no camera; I’ll leave internet fame to you.

Tenzen:Deal! *suited up in his previous attire* well I’m off to another brawl in the emerald forest.

Ren:Some advice, go after your mom first.b

Tenzen:Got it! *dashes away*

Ren:*still holding the protein bar* Hehe Nora he is like you through and through sometimes.

•

*Blake fully clothed in a version of her father’s chief outfit. Complete with the the purple and gold family colors*

Blake:*drying her hair* You know it’s impolite to spy on people right? *looks up at the rafters*

Adam:I see you haven’t lost a step. *jumps down* also you sort of hired me to spy remember? *kneels*

Blake:*opens her arms* Stop with the formalities and greet me like an old friend. Or did you forget how to do that?

Adam:Sassy as always I see. *hugs her* Good to see you safe; I’ll admit I had my doubts.

Blake:You think you’d know better than to bet against your first pupil. *moves his hair* how’s seeing the world with two eyes?

Adam:Bright hehehe, but really nice. You’ve been back long?

Blake:Just since last night. Stopped by and visited your family. Jael has become quite the looker.

Adam:It terrifies me every day.

Blake:*snorts* got to talk to her a little bit. She seems lonely. Also missing you a lot.

Adam:Things haven’t exactly been....easy for her. It’s a lot to talk about.

Blake:Well there’s gonna be special spot here for higher ups only during the festival. You could bring your family without worrying about people seeing you; maybe we could all catch up them?

Adam:*rubbing the back of his neck* That might do her some good honestly. I sort of think I’m screwing up the one good thing I’ve brought into this world.

Blake:*smiles*......

Adam:What?

Blake:It feels really good to just talk to you again. We’ve been through some shit you and I. I missed this.

Adam:*smiles* You’re such a sap....

Blake:Wow! Okay you jerk. *folds her arms and smiles* the real sap is you; family life suits you well.

Adam;It’ll probably do wonders for you too. You’re only thirty something. It’s not too late.

Blake:*blushing* Mind your business! I just got back and that’s what you want to say!?

Adam:I’m just saying you might want to think about it. Sun won’t admit it but he was always his happiest spending time with Jael or any kid that ran up to him. *walking away*

Blake:......

Sun:*walks in* Oh hey loser. *holds out fist*

Adam:Sup loser *fist bumps him* see you tonight with my family.

Sun:Aye tell Jael her uncle I’ll make her favorite dessert! *grinning*

Adam:She’s supposed to be eating healthy! *leaves*

Sun:This is why she likes me more! So how was seeing your old everything basically.

Blake:*red*.........fruitful.

•

*Tenzen sprinting down a dirt path connecting to the forest. Clouds looming over him*

Tenzen:(I hope mom isn’t too mad I’m late. If she is this storm probably won’t my situation. Maybe I should’ve-) *immediately tries to stop. Skidding several feet anyways* What the!?

*trees snapped in half and bullet holes everywhere. Prints of human and multiple grimm types around the area with some blood as he looks around*

Tenzen:......(This isn’t right. So many grimm prints but not much blood. Who could get away from these numbers? Why would different grimm attack in these numbers?) Something doesn’t feel-

“tu...rn arou...nd.....”

Tenzen:*flips around and draws his weapons* Who’s there!? Fair warning I- *gasp* Emerald!?

*a flickering illusion of Emerald dawning a black and green trim version of her outfit points to a bush before fading *

Tenzen:*Walking through the bushes and looking*Emerald.......?

Emerald:Hey kid *cough* up here.....

Tenzen:*drops his weapons on sight; his face going pale* Guys?

*Mercury unconscious and bleeding on Emeralds back. Her chain dangerously close to being around their neck as they hang from a tree*

Emerald:*beaten up* H...help....

Tenzen:*snaps the tree limb off and catches both of them* What happened to you two!? Why are you-*yanked by the color*

Emerald:They....know where *cough* Nora.......

Tenzen:..........

[Launching cliff]

Nora:*sitting down* Late again I see; what am I going to do with that boy? We did spar pretty rough so maybe I can give him a break this one time.

*pit pat pit pat pit......*

Nora:Hmm? *turning around* finally decide to show up Ten- *gasp!!*

*several cult members stand facing her. Dozens of ursas, beowulves, and death stalkers behind them*

M:I’m sorry, were you expecting someone else? *eyes glowing read*

*the rain started to fall.....*

[erisgregory]

Satellite Call 6

cross posted to AO3

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019) Relationship: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes Characters: Michael Guerin, Alex Manes Additional Tags: Michael is an Escort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Shameless Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added Summary: Alex is home from the air force but finds he is as lonely as ever. He engages an escort one night under a pseudonym and when the escort arrives it’s his high school love, Michael Guerin. Thankfully for both of them Michael is a professional. However one night couldn’t possibly make up for all they’ve missed. Can they keep an ongoing relationship professional? Can they learn to trust that there is something more than this transaction between them?

Michael has had a shit night. Granted it had started out on a high note, plotting with Isobel to go give Liz Ortecho a piece of their minds, but it had ended badly and he still wasn’t over it the next morning. Threatening Liz was definitely the right move, he needed to get a feel for her. What type of person was she? Was she likely to spill their secret? Was she scared of them? Those questions needed answers. Getting caught by Max, though, had not been the plan.

Max is pissed, fine. Michael is pissed too and so is Isobel. Max is playing fast and loose with their lives. What’s worse is he’s so enamoured with Liz that he can’t see what he’s doing. He thinks everything will be fine because he completely trusts Liz. Which is crazy! Liz has been gone for ten years. None of them know what kind of person she is yet. Not even Max. But there was no telling the man.

So Michael spent the night out on the ranch, not in his trailer, but where he used to go as a kid, to wait. To hope that there was someone out there looking for him, coming back to get him, to take him home. He knows now it won’t be his mother, and he’s sure it won’t be anyone else from the crash, but maybe, somewhere, there’s still someone looking.

He doesn’t really have hope. It’s more a habit and a way to comfort himself when times get tough and things are as tough as they’d been just now. He laid in the back of his truck and looked up at the stars, wondering for the millionth time just where they’d come from. As usual the stars held no answers.

Needless to say, things are still shit the next morning and they are about to get worse because there’s someone in uniform outside his Airstream when he finally gets home and he’s pretty sure it’s Alex.

It is Alex, he sees when he finally pulls up and parks. Alex is taping some paper to the door of the Airstream. Michael hops out and comes around the truck.

“You keep showing up like this, I’m gonna start thinking you like me.” He says, a twist to his lips. He knows exactly what he’s implying.

Alex doesn’t seem phased by him at all. “The sale of the ranch went through, this land is now property of the U.S. government. You have twenty four hours to move out.”

Michael grabs him by the lapel of his fatigues and slowly draws him forward so he can lean in and whisper, “Why don’t you tell Uncle Sam I’ll think about it?”

“Guerin.” Alex says looking down at his hand then grabs it, pulling it off of him. “What happened at the reunion can not happen again. None of it can happen again. Okay?”

Michael looks away with a sigh before looking back at Alex. So it was going to be like that then? Not only are they not kissing, but nothing else either.

“What happened? I was pretty wasted.” He says.

Alex shakes his head and has the nerve to look disgusted. “Just move your trailer.”

“What’s the Air Force want with the land anyway?” Michael asks him as he’s walking away. “It’s the third dairy ranch you’ve shut down.”

Alex turns, leaning on his cane. “We’re building a new facility.”

“Well, isn’t there some law about building on a historical site?”

“What do you mean a historical… Oh because the UFO crashed here? Yeah,” Alex says with a chuckle, “We’re not supposed to build on top of Santa’s workshop, either.” Then he turns to go.

Michael knows it’s stupid to be hurt by such a harmless offhand comment, but it still stings. It’s just another reminder of the differences that are keeping them apart, the worlds that lie between them. He watches until Alex drives off then turns to go into his Airstream. He tries sleeping because what else would he do after a night of laying awake, but sleep doesn’t come. He’s got too much on his mind and too much of that is Alex and Foster Ranch.

So he decides to head to the Wild Pony. Because why not? He knows where he’s gonna move already, it’s not like it’ll take long to do, and day drinking is sort of his thing anyway. He can get lost in a bottle and stop thinking about his life and how he’s sure Alex isn’t going to engage him any more for his services after that illicit kiss they’d shared at the reunion. Why though? Was he that repugnant?

No, he couldn’t think about it, he needed to drink. Everything was going according to plan until Isobel showed up.

“Ohh, why are you here?” He asks, not really wanting the answer.

“I love this bar.” She tells him and that’s certainly news to him.

“You said this bar was as disgusting as a senator’s sex life.” He points out.

She takes a breath and drops the fake smile. “Max is shutting me out. I thought… maybe you could talk to him.”

Michael doesn’t answer her right away so she tries again. “Something is wrong with him, Michael. And when that happened the last time, you were the only one he would open up to.”

“As you can see, I’m very busy.” Michael says, lifting a bottle of nail polish remover before looking around to see if anyone was looking. Then he poured it into his drink.

“I heard they’re shutting down the Foster ranch. Is that why we’re day brooding? You’re gonna get another job.” Isobel says. “Maybe one that’s not on the site of a crash that killed our family members in a fiery explosion.” She takes his glass and takes a drink.

“Oh. I like it there. I always have. When I was a kid. Nights when I had to get away from whatever crap home I was in, I would hitch a ride to Foster Homestead Ranch.” He admits.

“So what would you do out there all by yourself at night?” Isobel asks, turning to him.

“Wait. Figured that was the last place I saw my family, maybe they’d be back. Or maybe, maybe somebody would come and take me home. Ah for a genius,” he takes another swig of his drink, “I was a real dumbass.”

Isobel didn’t have anything to say to that. She was quiet for a moment and Michael thought maybe she had given up. Until she ordered her own drink. Then he knew she was in it for the long haul.

She followed him over to the pool tables and Michael didn’t know what else they could say to each other. Max wasn’t exactly listening to him lately, was he?

“Go home, Isobel.” He tried.

“I’m not leaving until you agree to talk to Max.” She said stubbornly. He just shook his head at her. “Come on. This is the perfect opportunity for your guys to get over all the ugly history of the last decade and be friends again.”

“Max and I were never meant to be friends.” He said still shaking his head.

“We’re family.” Isobel said instead.

“No. We’re not. We all just happened to hitch the same doomed ride on the same intergalactic titanic. The day Mr. and Mrs. Evans walked into that group home, and they-they picked you two, and they left me behind. That was decided.” Michael told her plainly.

“Max has his entire life trying to make up for that one awful moment. It wasn’t his fault. We were seven.” She hissed.

“He was a grown-ass man last week when he chose Liz over us, Isobel.” Michael retorted.

Behind them Wyatt Long and his buddies were talking about the shooting at the crashdown. They were joking about it saying they should do more than just shoot out some light bulbs. They decided they needed to send those illegals back where they came from.

Isobel grabbed Michael by the sleeve. “They’re going to the Crashdown. If something happens to Arturo or Liz…”

Michael cut her off. “I’m sure Deputy Evans will come to the rescue.”

“Yeah, exactly, he’ll lose it.” She said. “He’s not himself right now Michael. I don’t want him to do something he can’t take back.”

Michael knew she was right to be worried and he hung his head in defeat.

“Yes, Max risked our lives to save Liz. Okay? I am mad too. But she was dying…”

“Mmm.” Michael hummed softly, nodding sarcastically.

“Right in front of him. Come on, Michael, is there really nobody in this world that you wouldn’t risk everything to save?” When Michael looked away she sad. “Sad.” she said, then she turned to leave.

Michael eyes searched the bar and found that one person. Alex. Their eyes met across the bar for just a moment. Alex’s smile faded and he looked down, breaking eye contact with Michael. Maybe Michael could imagine what Max must have felt, but he certainly wasn’t ready to say that out loud and it didn’t change how stupid Max was being.

Even so, he followed Isobel out to the parking lot. He couldn’t just leave Max in trouble, not if there was something he could do about it.

He almost didn’t make it in time. He found Max down the alley choking the guy and using his powers to try and kill him. Michael pulled Max off with his own power, and threw him back away from Wyatt.

Unfortunately Wyatt had seen it all, luckily for everyone involved, though, Isobel is there with her taser. Wyatt Long is out like a light.

“He was gonna kill him.” Michael tells Isobel.

“He killed Liz!” Max says. “Okay. She was dead right in front of me, nd he came back to finish her dad off. People like him don’t stop. They don’t change.”

“So that makes you judge, jury, and executioner.” Michael nods as he says this.

“Michael!” Isobel stops him from saying more. “This isn't you Max. Something has been wrong with you for days. I can feel it, and so can you.”

“You’re right.” Max agrees softly. “Ever since I healed Liz there’s been this poison inside me. I… I don’t know.”

Michael takes off his hat and walks to sit by Max. The three of them will need to figure something out, but just then, none of them had any answers.

Eventually Max tells them he has something to do and they let him go on home. Isobel is still worried though. She pleads with Michael again.

“Talk to Max, see if he’ll explain what he’s feeling in a way that will make sense.” She says.

Michael tells her he’ll work on it and they part ways. Then he goes home and crashes. After being up more than twenty four hours it makes sense. He does check his email before bed and there’s nothing there.

The next morning he’s finishing packing. Everything is down off the walls and into boxes. The pieces of the ship are tucked away neatly as well. He doesn’t have many belongings, but those are what matter most. He finds some old high school pictures that he flips through quickly. There’s one of him and Alex with guitars and without consciously thinking about it, he looks at his ruined hand. He missed being able to lose himself in music.

As he’s loading the last of his belongings into his truck, Alex pulls up. Michael doesn’t think he can handle Alex just then, but he doesn’t have much of a choice.

“Where are you gonna go?” Alex asks as he comes up to the truck.

Michael doesn’t turn around at first. “Tennessee.”

“Really?” Alex asks.

“No. No, there are a couple of people who still need me here. Pick up, uh, work at the junkyard till I figure something else out.” Michael tells him. He continues to load the truck not wanting to look at Alex for too long. He’s too vulnerable.

“Good.” Alex says softly.

“Good?” Michael asks. He leans back against the truck, confused and hurt.

“I spent the night with some old friends. Made me think about… I don’t know. Who I was when this started. Before I went to war.” Alex says haltingly.

“Where I stand nothing’s changed.” Michael’s lips purse. He doesn’t want everything to come flooding out.

Alex laughs without humor. “Yeah. Including the way you look at me. That’s a problem for me, Guerin. ‘Cause every time you look at me, I’m seventeen again. And I forget that the last ten years even happened. And then you look away and I remember all over again. And it almost kills me every time.”

“I never look away.” Michael shakes his head at Alex. “Not really.”

Alex seems to shake himself and turns to go, but instead of heading for his car, he’s heading for the Airstream. Michael grabs him by the arm. “What are you doing?” He asks.

But Alex doesn’t answer. They just stand there looking at each other and something inside clicks for Michael. He follows Alex in and closes the door behind them, locking it. Then he turns to Alex in the small space and Alex runs a hand down his chest before drawing him into a fiery kiss that knocks the wind out of him. He can’t think of anything except Alex in his arms.

He pulls back and just looks at Alex, looks his fill of him before pushing him down on the cramped little bed. He rips his shirt off before covering Alex and kissing him again. Alex is heat and desire and passion and he’s here. Right here. Michael can’t get enough of him. Can’t hardly believe they get to have this without money between them.

Michael strips Alex slowly, gives him time to remove his prosthetic, before diving back in, kissing a line down his body. They get their hands around each other, backs of their hands brushing with each stroke, it’s fast and hot and Michael has to bite his lips so he doesn’t come too fast.

“I need you,” Alex says softly and Michael wants to give him anything. Everything.

“You have me,” Michael promises. He reaches under the bed for lube and a condom. Alex takes the lube from him and starts prepping himself.

“I could do that.” Michael says.

Alex flashes him a smile. “You take too long.”

At that Michael huffs a laugh. “Fine, fine.” He rolls the condom on himself and when Alex is ready he rolls them over so he’s on top.

“This okay?” Alex asks him.

“Yeah.” Michael assures him.

“I’ll need a little support on this side.” Alex warns him, indicating his right side. Michael nods, he gets it.

Then Alex slicks Michael’s cock with some more lube before lining it up behind him. Michael watches as the emotions flutter across his face. And then he’s sinking down onto Michael, taking him in, in one long slide.

“Ahhh,” He sighs as he gets Michael fully seated inside him.

Michael has him by the hips, helping him keep his balance and his fingers tighten unconsciously at the soft sound he makes.

“You feel so good.” Alex whispers.

“You feel amazing.” Michael whispers back.

Then Alex begins to move his hips. First in a little rocking motion that sends tingles up and down Michael’s spine. Then he lifts his hips up and comes down with a small twist. It makes Michael’s mouth dry. He doesn’t quite know what to do with himself. Thankfully Alex leans down to kiss him and Michael gets lost between the feeling of Alex’s tongue in his mouth and Alex’s ass clenching down around him. It’s a heady mix and sooner than he’d like he’s teetering on the edge.

“I can’t last.” Michael tells him in between kisses. He reaches for Alex’s cock but Alex beats him to it, jerking himself off fast and hard.

“Don’t try.” Alex says.

It only takes moments but Alex starts to come over his hand between them and it drags Michael’s orgasm right out of him. He comes hard, pulsing deep inside of Alex.

Alex collapses beside him and Michael wraps him up in his arms, condom tossed somewhere toward to the trash hopefully. He really only cares about this. About Alex’s sleepy and sated expression. Michael thinks he should say something just then, but it sticks in his throat. They don’t talk but fall quickly asleep in each other’s arms.

[lovinyogirlmercy]

What happened July 3rd

So the day was normal. I was still haveing anxiety the week before as my Instagram followers know I gotten into it with my cousin about showing my aunt in the first place. But here it goes.

So July 3rd was great started off great hung out with a friend. For an hour. Then with his siblings. Gah his little siblings are so adorable! And then when my little baby cousins got there it was even cuter! We took them to the park that is in the middle of the zions. Let them have there fun while we just played with them there were a few kids I wanted to beat though cause they were getting a little too close to my babies.

Once MY baby cousins had to go which was hard to do cause they literally live to go to the park. I still stuck around with my friend and his siblings cause like I said they’re adorable and me and the little sister ganged up a lot. I saw my other aunt (aunt S) get into her car ready to go and my aunt C was talking to her which gave me worry because my aunt S already knew wot happened. I went back with my friend in front of their house and we hung out. Listened to music. Talked. Messed with the siblings. It was chill. It was fun. Till I got a call from aunt S warning me that aunt C knows about me and my boyfriend. She told me

“So aunt C knows now”

M: “ what how..”

“I’m not sure but monkey must’ve showed jo and they both came running and they showed her so I tried to talk to her about it but she was furious.” Other words were said but I cannot remember I’m sorry but she also said “if - loved you like he says he would’ve left u alone a long time ago knowing what it could do to u” I was so mad when her fiancé treats her like shit and she just stands for it. I have someone who treats me great and I stand for it like I should be don’t come at me like that.

So I waited till like 6 or when the lights came on I got the guts and went inside seeing my friend wish me luck and all. She grabbed the phone and asked me to go into the room her boyfriend telling her not to and that I didn’t mean it and she needs to not be so hard on me. So we went into the room and she closed the door showed me the screenshots and asked “are you still dating him ?” And I said no cause I broke with him 4 maybe 3 days before till things cooled down. And she said “you’re a lying bitch. I want you out. I will not do anything for you ever again when your gonna sit here and disrespect me in my own home call your aunt and figure something out” (Did I mention my mom called around 12 asking to visit ? Yeah see how that fits in later)

So I called my aunt S and told her Nd she was worried and said she can work something out and she’ll get me soon. So I pack and look around like ‘did that really just happen’ type of thoughts yanno how am I supposed to react. But I gather some small amount of stuff sort out and then hear a car pull up forgetting mom was coming it was like 630ish and I didn’t hear from her till maybe 12ish in the morning so I forgot. She pulls up I go outside hug my brother and sister and go see my mom. She knew immediately something was wrong and asked and of course I broke down and told her. Keep in mind. I never lived with my mother. She has always wanted me to but never went. (If I did ever live with her I was too younge to actually remember)

She takes the chance to Ofer me the place in Arizona and I call my aunt S and ask her what I should do she tells me I’m old enough to decide for myself so I told her I’m taking it. I take the chance she starts crying and hugging me like crazy saying she was happy imma move in. While I hear from the house yelling and the two little girls (my sister and moms boyfriend daughter ) come running telling us the boys (my aunts C kids) are telling them “gringa” “go to hell” “no one wants you here” and so I go in they start helping me pack and we get as much as we could. And as we’re packing (well me but they helps so I’m sure u understand) the boys are cursing us. Pushing me. Telling their mom they’re glad I’m leaving she says me too. Ect. So we pack up and leave and oof I still left so fucking much and till this day I still have so much there. Basically how I ended up in Arizona though. Got kicked out for my happiness and ended up with mom where I was even more happier. It’s sad though. Because I called family members and they even said I sounded happier/healthy/ and just differently. Think that’s not sad? In the end she said it was shady how I left. And aunt S wanted me to apologize. And now I have to text her to just keep a bond that was toxic to begin with. Stories on how toxic be shared later.

I have a video of what they were saying audio only but idk if you would be able to hear it but I’ll still post it when I find it again✨

Update: don’t have the audio :( now I’m even more upset it was the only proof I had that her kids were toxic... why..

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “To The Moon And Back”

Trapped between the world of the dead and the world of the living, you couldn’t move on without him. Just another ghost condemned to love beyond the grave, unable to find its way towards eternity. The Joker and his Queen were nothing more now than two souls belonging to different planes of existence, doomed to suffer until they could meet again.  

The moment you closed your eyes forever, something inside him shattered to pieces. It wasn’t his heart; The Joker only wished he would have been that lucky. It was something else, buried deep inside for a very long time: feelings he thought he didn’t have, ignored and neglected until it was too late.

The Queen of Gotham fought leukemia with the best treatments money can buy: J spared no expense in trying to find a cure for a disease that spread despite of all the efforts to contain the damage. He used to get so angry, blaming you for the worsening condition you couldn’t control:

“Why aren’t you getting better, hm?”

“You know why…” you tried to reason with The Joker despite the fact you realized he was acting like that in order to hide his sorrow.

“Are you doing it on purpose to annoy me?! Get better, do you hear me?” he would shout, frustrated when you just smiled and hugged him:

“Are you gonna miss me?”

“NO! You’re a pain in the ass and I can’t stand you!”

J would mess around with the cute scarf covering your bald head since he didn’t know what else to do.

“Well that’s too bad,” you softly kissed his lips, sighing. “Because I love you to the moon and back, twice around the world plus this,” and you showed him the small gap between your index finger and thumb, waiting for his usual reply. It never failed.

“What difference does this make?!” he pointed towards your fingers.

“It makes all the difference when you measure love,” you whispered and he rolled his eyes.

“What a bunch of crap!” he would get worked up for nothing and it made you giggle.

You would stare at each other for a few moments, then you would bring up the sensitive topic:

“I really think I should move out and get my own place…”

J detested the subject, not his favorite. He didn’t want to talk about it.

“Why do you wanna move out?” he pretended not to understand what you’re aiming at.

“I’m getting worse and worse…You could come and visit me, but I believe it would be easier for both if you don’t witness everything. I’ll have nurses, doctors, my meds…”

“Shut up!” he would growl, yanking at your waist. “You’re not moving out and if you mention about this one more time, I’ll get really pissed!”

“You don’t want to see me die…do you?” and the sadness in your voice halted his tirade. “Don’t you want to remember me the way I was? When I was pretty?”

“Yeah, pretty annoying,” The Joker would huff, not being able to stop a sassy remark.

The Clown Prince of Crime pretended to be grouchy, but liked it when you laughed at how stubborn he was. J hated there was nothing that could be done; feeling helpless wasn’t an emotion your boyfriend was accustomed to. And couldn’t stand the unbearable thought that his woman will be gone soon and he will be left behind without her. How strange since he didn’t even like her…Not even a little bit…Definitely not to the moon and back, twice around the world, plus the tiny gap between he fingers that gave it a more personal touch. That was her thing. Not his.

Sometimes you couldn’t sleep at night; the pain was getting worse and the strong medications that used to give you relief weren’t that efficient anymore. You would sneak out of the master bedroom and go to J’s office because you didn’t want to wake him up. A depressed Y/N would turn on The Joker’s laptop and looked at baby pictures online, wishing she was a mother herself: the mother of his children.

“What are you doing, kid?” J would find you there after searching around the Penthouse in the middle of the night. He would rub his eyes, displeased you abandoned the bed and tormented your mind with the game he was familiar with.

“Picking a new Emma and Kase,” you scrolled down the numerous pages, sniffling in front of the computer.

“Let’s see then,” J came over and lifted you from the chair, sat down and pulled you in his lap.

Before you got sick you were actually trying to get pregnant; you both wanted a boy and a girl, you even picked the names: Emma for the girl and Kase for the boy. Just foolish stuff that couples indulge into until it wasn’t silly anymore. It just became impossible.

“She’s cute,” he gestured towards a little girl’s pic. “I think she could pass as ours.”

“She is adorable. Our daughter would have probably looked like this...” you rested your forehead on his. “What about him? Do you think Kase would have looked like this little man?” you suddenly got a boost of energy and waited for the confirmation.

“Most definitely!” The Joker tried to cheer you up since you seemed upset. You squirmed on his knees, the muscle cramps intensifying with each passing second. Not a single sound came out of you but he knew you were uncomfortable and struggled to hide the throbbing ache.

“Turn around,” J moved you so that you can straddle his lap. Your head pressed on his shoulder and he started moving his hands up and down your back, attempting to soothe the pain with a soft massage. “Is this better?”

“So much better…” you took deep breaths and wrapped your hands around his neck, enjoying his touch and the intimacy. “How far do you think the moon is?” he suddenly wondered.

“Mmm?”

“Lemme google this,” The Joker extended his arms so he can reach the laptop and typed in a hurry. “Wow, lots of miles: 238,900 to be precise. Now let’s see how wide the Earth is…7,917.5miles. Not bad. Times two for twice around the world… We are looking at 15,835. Add this together with the calculator and… according to your formula you love me the equivalent of 254,735 miles, plus the maybe three-four inches you always show me between your fingers. Useless if you want my opinion but you insist it makes a difference. High total though. One could say I got under your skin, huh?”

“Yes, one could say that”, you snickered and lifted your head enough to kiss his cheek, then went back to your previous position so The Joker can pamper you more. It felt very relaxing and you fell asleep. He knew you had such a hard time resting and he didn’t move until his body went numb.

Eventually J had to get up from the chair and slowly walked with you in his arms towards the bedroom. He stopped in front of the huge windows separating the living room from the terrace, gazing at the moon while tightening the grip on his girl because somehow she felt so far away.

Two months after that night, The Joker was reading the newspaper when you came out of the walk-in closet squeezing your favorite dress: a beautiful white gown, embedded with Swarovski crystals that was a Christmas gift from him a few years back.

“J…” you got his attention and he turned another page, pretending not to hear you. “J…” you tried again. “Umm…after I… after I die, can you please bury me in this dress?”

His mood instantly switched, the jaw so clenched it was probably hurting.

“Say what?” J snarled and glared at the frail Y/N; he wanted to yell at her but no sounds came out.

“Can you please bury me with this dress?” The Joker frowned and you took advantage of his silence to address the unpleasant things you couldn’t postpone anymore:

“At the funeral…can you please wear one of your white suits? I know you’re not crazy about the color, but at least we can match one last time…Could you… could you do that for me?” and your eyes got teary since it wasn’t easy to bring it up.

He stood there with his mouth opened, completely appalled. You knew he would rant and have a fit, that’s why you blurred out in a hurry:

“I bought my casket too, this way you don’t have to! It’s at the warehouse on 72nd Street!”

The Joker was truly speechless; it was beyond him how you could utter such aberrations. He was actually getting ready to state his perspective on the matter when you hesitantly stepped towards him, not having the strength for a fight. You dragged your feet on the carpet until you were close enough to kneel by him and hugged his knees, still holding the dress also.

“Don’t be mad at me, ok?” a remorseful Queen pleaded. “You can’t afford to hate me right now…There’s no time…”

The Joker placed the newspaper on the couch he was sitting on, conflicted by your remarks. He pulled you up in his lap, took off your scarf and kissed your shaved head, finally verbalizing his thoughts.

“I’ll make sure you wear your stupid frock and I’ll wear the white suit, deal?”

You nodded a yes, relived your last wishes will be taken care of.

“And you’ll remember how pretty I once was?” the shaky tone warned of imminent crying.

“You are pretty,” The Joker stated with such sincerity it made you smile before bursting into tears: you felt so ugly, dull and unattractive for months you rarely glanced in the mirror. “But I am not getting near that casket until I have to, alright?” he made sure to underline and meant it.

“Y-yes,” you stuttered and cuddled to his body, searching for some reassurance from the only person able to offer it: the man whom you feared was not prepared to lose you despite showing the opposite.

That was the last argument you had about the gloomy future before you passed away 9 weeks later. The Joker kept his promise: he dressed you with the white gown himself and placed you in the casket afterwards, just him and his departed Queen inside the warehouse on the 72nd Street. Everyone was waiting outside, not daring to disturb your last moments together.

J made sure you looked impeccable even if it didn’t matter anymore. He kissed your cold lips one last time, the reality of not seeing you again creeping up in his heart.

“Who’s gonna love me to the moon and back now, hm?...” he muttered absent minded and closed the casket, thinking he was ready to say goodbye. J opened it back the next second, hovering over the woman he wasn’t actually ready to let go.

“Fuck…” The Joker felt dizzy and wiped his sweaty forehead, not realizing he was having a panic attack. He took off his white jacket and tossed it on the floor while pacing around the huge room in a failed attempt to calm down.

“So you’re just gonna leave me??!!” he snapped and returned to your side, but Y/N couldn’t answer anymore. “That’s it?! You’re just…just… leaving? You fucking horrible woman, I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate you!!!”

The Queen was peacefully asleep and didn’t argue back. That’s when he took your hands in his and kissed them until there was no more resentment; it was pointless anyway.

“I don’t hate you, I don’t hate you at all, I don’t,” he admitted to the truth, pressing your fingers against his cheeks. “I don’t hate you Princess…”

After a few minutes he pecked your wrists and carefully positioned your hands on your tummy, sealing the casket shut. It took so much out of him to keep it that way and not open it. The Joker had no clue why he was feeling so miserable and desperate, oblivious to the simple truth: he loved Y/N and didn’t even know it.

By the end of the excruciating day he was entirely drained. The King of Gotham retreated at the Penthouse and ordered not to be disturbed under any circumstances. It was so quiet without you and he wondered around the rooms, looking at everything you left behind. When J ended up inside your walk-in closet, reality hit with such intensity he had to sit down: you were gone forever and he couldn’t save you.

He stayed there surrounded by your clothes until night time, when he finally went on the terrace to look at the night sky. The moon was shining and he didn’t care about the cold air, stunned at how beautiful it was. He fell asleep on one of the couches, frozen to the bone by morning time.

Lara came to check up on him and found The Joker sleeping, worried he might get sick after being outside for so long. The woman was Frost’s cousin and one of the most trusted bodyguards.

She didn’t dare wake him; just turned on the electric fire pit and covered him with blankets, this way he could warm up. He mumbled in his dreamless daze and she caressed his face, hoping the grief won’t change him to the point of no return. J moved and she got scared, thinking he might open his eyes and reprimand for the brazen gesture. Lara left in a hurry and planned to drop by later in the day to see if he would want something to eat, worried about the state he was in.

Somebody else was also concerned with The Joker’s well-being and still by his side. He moaned in his sleep and you whispered:

“Don’t be sad, I’m still here,” but he didn’t hear you. “I’m here baby,” you touched his Damaged tattoo although he didn’t feel your presence.

Trapped between the world of the dead and the world of the living, you couldn’t move on without him. Just another ghost condemned to love beyond the grave, unable to find its way towards eternity. The Joker and his Queen were nothing more now than two souls belonging to different planes of existence, doomed to suffer until they could meet again.  

The days, weeks and months flew by regardless; time never stops or slows down for anybody, merciless in its never-ending infinity.  

It made you happy when you realized why Lara kept on coming over and didn’t seem bothered when she was ignored, yelled at or chased away: she was in love with The Joker and it gave you hope. Heavens knows he wasn’t easy to love and needed somebody’s affection like he needed air.

A year and a half after your death, the woman spent the night at the Penthouse for the first time. J woke up and went to take a shower, a sleepy Lara crawling on his side of the bed so she can snuggle with his pillow. She had no idea that used to be your side of the bed.

The Clown Prince of Crime returned to the master bedroom and completely lost it: he dragged her out of the bed and almost broke her arm while violently shoving her towards the exit. She kept on begging him to stop until he slammed her in the elevator, so enraged he wanted to kill the woman he spent the night with only hours earlier.

“Don’t ever come back!!” The Joker hissed at the terrified Lara that did not understand why she was one step away from disaster.

“Please don’t do this,” she uttered through tears and you didn’t approve of his actions either.

“What are you doing?! You need her, don’t push her away!” you talked even if he couldn’t hear you. You cupped his face and looked into the blue eyes that couldn’t see the distressed Queen imploring for mercy on behalf on another. “Just tell her, she didn’t know!! Just open your mouth and tell her!!!” you shouted and maybe somehow you managed to influence his thoughts because The Joker actually explained his rage:

“Nobody sleeps on her side of bed besides me, do you understand?! Nobody! Do you think you can take her place? She will always be my Queen and you are nothing more than somebody I fucked!!”

“Why would you say something like that?” you sighed, upset he was so cruel to the woman that meant his salvation from the nothingness he dealt with since your death. “She’s not trying to take my place, that’s not why she’s here.”  

You were certain that meant the end for the two of them but instead Lara nervously apologized for a mistake she wasn’t guilty committing:

“I’m so sorry… Please don’t send me away… I’m really sorry, ok? I will never sleep on her side of the bed again, I swear.”

She carefully walked out of the elevator and he growled, still mad about her transgression:

“Make sure you don’t or you’ll regret it!” *************

The Joker was going to be a father soon: Lara got pregnant with twins and after finding out they will have a boy and a girl, they started thinking about names. Actually she was the one suggesting different monikers because J already had his mind set on what he wanted: Emma and Kase, a secret tribute to his lost Princess that didn’t get a chance to be the mother of his children.

When the twins were born and J held them for the first time, something strange happened: they didn’t cry at all, just fussed for a little bit before falling asleep in his arms.

“Do you think we’ll be this lucky all the time?” he joked with Lara, the new mother worn out after being in labor for several hours.

“God I hope so,” she found the strength to smile and watched him curiously analyzing his babies, smitten with the tiny angels and how perfect they looked.

The Joker and his girlfriend had no way of knowing that you were the reason why their son and daughter didn’t cry: you kept on caressing their faces and your outwordly presence soothed the newborns; they felt nothing but your love.

Every time they would wake up in the middle of the night, Y/N was there to comfort them.

“Ssssttt, don’t cry,” you would whisper and hum lullabies until Emma and Kase closed their eyes again.

Lara and J believed they had the best babies ever since they were able to rest throughout the night and didn’t have to wake up besides the feeding times.

When they started crawling, they would follow each other and sometimes stopped in the same time, cooing at the ethereal shape they could see floating around the Penthouse.

“Awww, look how cute,” Lana would point out at the babies that were sitting on the blanket, actually reaching their hands towards you because they wanted to be picked up, not knowing you couldn’t do that. “They are so adorable,” she would rest her head on The Joker’s shoulder, grateful he was there to witness them grow.

The twins would suddenly scream and giggle, completely delighted by your invisible kisses and J couldn’t help it anymore:

“Com’ere little monsters!” he would get up and snatch them from the blanket, covering them in kisses. That prompted more screaming and laughter, nothing short of a small miracle: The Joker loved his children even if he didn’t know it.

When Emma and Kase got older, they started talking about The Sparkly Lady, something their parents believed to be an imaginary friend.

“Is she pretty?” The Joker would tease the 5 year old twins because they amused him with their innocent answers.

“U-hum,” Emma would reply while playing with her toys.

“She has long hair and a white dress and she sparkles!!” Kase would excitedly describe you to his father.

“Wow, does she?!” J would wink at Lara and she chuckled at all the details they would come with it: smart kids with a vivid imagination, no doubt about it. “Maybe daddy should see if The Sparkly Lady is single, right honey?”

“You’re hilarious,” Lara gave him a disapproving glare, folding clothes and placing them in drawers.

“I think mommy’s jealous,” J scoffed, passing his fingers through the green hair.

The woman rolled her eyes and went upstairs to see if laundry was done while The Joker fumbled with his laptop, opening a folder that had pictures of you. He liked to look at them when Lara wasn’t around, not because he was afraid he would hurt her fillings, but because it was something personal he didn’t want to share.

“Oh,” Emma suddenly lost interest in her doll and came over to crawl on The Joker’s knees. “The Sparkly Lady,” she touched the screen filled with the image of a beautiful Y/N wearing the white dress embedded with Swarovski crystals  gifted to her by The Joker a lot of Christmases ago. The little girl leaned over and kissed the screen, snickering because she got shy.

Kase hopped in his father’s lap, playfully pocking his sister. “Emma look, The Sparkly Lady!” he jumped up and down on The Joker’s knees and kissed the screen, imitating his sister’s gesture.

J didn’t know what to say, he was dumbfounded. The children never saw you in real life or in other pictures, they just happened to be there for once when he was browsing your folder. And they both referred to you with the same name.

“This…this is The Sparkly Lady?” he muttered in disbelief.

“A-ha,” Emma confirmed and pulled down on his jacket so she can whisper in his ear. “Daddy, she’s saying she loves you to the moon and back,” she bit on her lip and Kase carefully listened to your words and repeated to his father.

“And… huh?” the young boy had to pause because he had a hard time hearing. “And twice around the world!”

“Plus this!” his daughter showed him the small gap between her fingers, copying what you were showing her. “She says she’ll wait for you,” Emma continued and then pouted. “Where are you going, daddy?”

“Daddy, can we come?” Kase tugged on his father’s shirt but The Joker couldn’t reply or react.

He looked around the room as if it would offer an answer to the shocking revelation, his lips barely moving:

“Princess?...”

His Queen smiled, thankful the little ones finally helped deliver the message to the man she never stopped loving. She waited for so long for a chance to let him know she was still there that nothing else mattered.

You gently wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. J couldn’t feel or hear you, yet you still reassured him:

“I’ll wait ...”

 Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

AO3 account - same blog name: DiYunho

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 51 - CHI - Cruel Comedy

What the fuck! I hope you saw the explicit tag before you clicked on this one because this is not going to be safe for all readers. My Sabres fandom starts somewhere around 2011 so I am intimately acquainted with shitty hockey. There is a time and place for shitty hockey. When you’re tanking for example: that is the time for shitty hockey. If you’re in subtle protest of Dan Blysma: that’s the time for shitty hockey. If you’re on a mad winning streak and tearing up the league I guess you’re kind of entitled to lay an egg of shitty hockey in one game. None of those scenarios I just described are currently occurring with this team unless there is a locker room plot I missed against Phil Housley. Hell, there is an open rebellion amongst fans against Phil and at this point is that not justified? The point is this shit is completely uncalled for! Did Drake Caggiula insult everyone’s wives and girlfriends? The only answers the Sabres had at the end of the 1st period and for most of the 2nd period was fight. Not the symbolic sense of the word where their play improves as they try to fight back into the game; no the old time hockey garbage where they make a statement with their fists! Andrew Peters would be proud you fucking disappointment wagon! You know what: every stat, advanced and otherwise, would point you to the Sabres being ready to fuck this Hawks team sideways. Hawks goals allowed, Hawks goal for, second and third period goals, defensive play, shots, and scoring chances: every fucking category! I don’t even know where to start with this shit!

For real this time: Fire Phil Housley. Several games back against Tampa Bay I said this club has probably given us the outline, the criteria if you will, to Fire Housley. I waited so long to jump on this ugly self-hating bandwagon but here I am on this bad fucking bandwagon. If he gets fired that will be five Sabres coaches in six years. I’m sure that doesn’t matter to Jason Botterill but holy hell it should matter to us at some point. Fuck it: he’s insane. I don’t need to even talk about Lawrence Pilut: he got into this game even if it’s with City punching bag Marco Scandella. It’s all the shit Housley doesn’t do: like make big changes when the Sabres need consistency or making no changes when the Sabres need them. Its ten minutes into the second and the Sabres are down 3-0 on the back of three fucking snipes from the two old dudes and Caggiula’s first. What does Housley do? Not a damn thing. Starting Hutton in the first place probably wasn’t wise but fuck, dude: when you’re getting your shit pushed in by the Chicago Blackhawks, not the 2013 Chicago Blackhawks, the 2019 CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS, then you’re doing something wrong. Not only am I not sure Housley put his best roster forward for this game, I’m not sure he had any motivational or tactical moves in mind to fire up the comeback machine once the sky started falling. It’s the beginning of a seven game home stand, your club needs points in the standings and Patrick Kane is back in town and you’re allowing this shit!? This game made me stare into the fucking abyss with this team!

You want a play by play? Huh, shit. The first period sounded like the Sabres we’re playing their game against what is objectively a weak Blackhawks team. They got more shots all period and even got two opportunities on the powerplay. Then Drake Caggiula scored. I’ve already mentioned this poor kid’s name three times this blog but his first career goal is a turning point. It was so massive it put fucking laxatives in all the Sabres water bottles because they came out in the second to SHIT ALL OVER THE ICE! Here’s the thing: the Sabres somehow outshoot the Hawks this second period as well but they could not be worse at advancing the puck. All their passes were intercepted and all their turnovers turned into D-zone time. They must have been turned on from when the Stars pushed them around in Dallas because they got pushed around by the fourth worst team in the league last night! Kane, Keith and later Saad to make sure we’re sad! Remember when Brendan Saad’s name was a stupid meme in 2014? That meme rose from the dead to end the second. All the Blackhawks jerseys in the crowd only made it worse. Who are Buffalo Blackhawks fans? The answer is Patrick Kane’s family and his teenage drinking buddies. I have a feeling all those Hawks jerseys couldn’t have been one of those two groups all though Buffalonians do tell me he was always a prolific drinker. Jack Eichel did score a Rasmus Ristolainen shot deflection to provide a little ray of hope but that was promptly expunged. Oh, I don’t even want to put up with you punks wanting a trade for Kane. The whole second period was just a list of grievances about this team!

The Sabres won in Columbus and they were in it for 85% of the game in Dallas. They have been bad for weeks and months now but they were looking better out of the bye-week. That false flag just shit in all our mouths! I was celebrating an anniversary with my wife so the two of us watched a comedy during this third period. I’ll tell you if I wasn’t so emotionally involved I would say this third period is quite funny! Jason Pominville maneuvers right in front of that demon goalie Cam Ward 3:30 into the third and puts one over him. This goal demonstrated how fucking soft the Hawks defense was this game letting Pommer in there to score one-on-one with Ward. Oh boy is the comeback machine firing up again!? Next it’s Kyle Okposo who gets credit for a puck passing Ward in a net crashing play where everyone was just pounding their sticks like they were begging the God of Irony to not let this game end in a stinker. Kyle Okposo who was punished with the fourth line but what’s that Coach Housley: You’re going to put a veteran first and try and change the game by putting Okposo on the second line? Well look at that, you got the Sabres within one. You put Linus Ullmark in net? Wow maybe you don’t need the Veterans but I’m not giving you credit for that one because you started Hutton to begin with. You ready: it’s time to stare into the abyss with me. Connor Murphy wrist shot equals goal. Patrick Kane with an empty netter to surpass 900 NHL points and become one of the fucking top seven Americans in points! And then Brendan Saad with an empty netter because irony lives in a mansion down on Delaware avenue and he loves going to Buffalo Sports events! Game over: YOU STINK!

To Housley’s credit apparently he tore into them afterward. Remi Elie going on waivers today could be Jason Botterill beginning to make some moves to fix this mess. In the meantime I’ve mentioned this abyss we stared into with this game a couple times. Let’s shine a light into this abyss to see what it holds: for one the Sabres being one of the worst teams in the league in terms of points gathered and record since the win streak steers us into this abyss. It holds the misery of at one point being first in the NHL and then missing the playoffs in March. It’s another offseason starting in April where we get engrossed in the Draft and wonder what offseason moves happen and how they affect the team next season. It’s another fucking season with no playoffs. I was in High School last time they made it and I wasn’t even really into sports then! Oh my God, it’s talking about an 84 point finish as an improvement when we finished LAST a season ago! THIS SHIT IS CYCLICAL! IT’S LIKE WE’RE NOT ALLOWED ANY FUN! Is it because the Bills went to the Superbowl four straight times and lost? I’d sell that fucking team to Nazem Kadri himself if it gets the SABRES ONE FUCKING PLAYOFF BERTH! Here we are losing to the Blackhawks! We all knew 1st place in November was a fluke but this: THIS IS JUST CRUEL! Holy shit I need to relax! I have to prepare to host a Superbowl party and watch the most hated man in Football win another Superbowl this weekend. There is just no rest! I cannot believe this whole fucking mess!

Drop a like. Each like goes toward maintaining my sanity like all those thumbs up on Facebook go toward bringing clean water to sub-Saharan Africa. Comment if you’re wondering what my solution to this mess is. I was going to include some replacements for Housley and some tactical ideas but I didn’t have the patience with this team if they can’t even win games that are laid out on a silver platter for them to win. Share this blog: I was party inspired to do this based on Steve Dangle’s Leafs Fan reaction. The early years of that were enjoyable for me as a Sabres fan because the Leafs sucked ass. It was pretty masochist in retrospect but if you’re the Leafs fan in the opposite position reading my shit in a masochistic way I really want to learn your story. Hell, just share this blog if you think we can commiserate together. Enjoy your Superbowl weekend and get ready for either further depression on Tuesday or more hope that the worst may not be happening. At this point either outcome would be an uproarious comedy.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. The Florida Panthers are totally going for Artemi Panarin and Sergei Bobrovsky. Perhaps next season we’ll have the matchups we expected to have with them this season.

[the-mangled-readings]

Coaster (Billy Hargrove x Reader) (Part 5)

AN: OMG PART 4 WAS LONG AS FUCK, but I warned y’all lol. FYI, I’m really sorry for taking too long on this par but I been really busy with school, and yes I changed somethings up but trust me if for the better and I’m also making Part 5 into 2 pieces since it’s going to be a bit long if y’all don’t mind.

Summary: Billy was in love with the reader but she always turned him down, until one night where she gets drugged and confesses her past and later on her true feelings, but little did she knew that her Best-Friend Steve also had similar feelings. 

Warnings: Jealous/Overprotective Steve, some fluff from both Billy and Steve.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

“Are you kidding me?”-You rolled your eyes as you heard Steve yelling at you from the kitchen. You were laying down in the living room, in what used to be your Step-Dad’s recliner, waiting for him to give you “the talk” about why you shouldn’t be with Billy. 

You sat up once you saw him come in with his mouth stuffed from the popcorn he was carrying, putting it on the coffee table, turning to the selection of movies he had picked up, the most corniest ones you thought, why the fuck he had to pick Romantic Comedies, why not Horror, but then again it was Steve and he also went through a lot after being involved (dragged) into the UpsideDown. Luckily you didn’t get as much involved, but you did enough to help them solve certain things, but then again after the accident, you couldn’t really help them as much as you wanted to.

”Why you’re making a big deal about this?”-You asked throwing him some popcorn. “Because (y/n) ...”-He made a big pause, catching them with his mouth. “I care about you, and I ain’t going to let you be with that psychopath.”-You rolled your eyes, turning away from him. “What? So you’re telling me that you don’t remember what he did to us?”-You sighed at the question.

“(Y/n) he almost killed us, me and Lucas?”-You could feel Steve’s eyes on you, he wasn’t mad, he was just upset at the fact that you were defending Billy. “What about Max? You don’t remember how he would treat her?”-You took a deep breath, finally turning to him. “Yes ... I remember EVERYTHING, but he changed.”-You said trying to reason with Steve, only making him laugh. “OH MY GOD (Y/N)!! You seriously can’t be that stupid now can you?”-He laughed but after seeing your expression he quickly regretted it. “Oh, I’m sorry, but that psychopath you’re talking about just so happened to save my fucking life. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here talking to you...”-You yelled at him, staying frozen in the recliner. You started to think about last night and how lucky were for still being here ... 

Steve quickly kneeled in front of you, after seeing your expression, he took your hand in his, rubbing the back of bit with his thumb. He bit the inside of his lip, looking down, feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry ...”-He said under his breath. “I’m sorry for everything ...”-You looked at him with a frown. “What?”-You leaned in, getting closer to him. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have been drugged ... It’s my fault you went there in the first place ... it’s all my fault.”-You cupped his face, making him look at you. “You didn’t force me to go, none of you did, I went there because I really needed a break, and I knew something was going to happen, ‘cause it was a party Steve, and in every party, somebody does something stupid ... but it's not your fault.”-Steve grabbed both of your hands from his face, intertwining them together. “You don’t understand (y/n/n) ...”-He said looking down again. “Then tell me.”

Steve was about to speak when the doorbell rang, making both of you look up. You got up, looking through the peephole, quickly opening it after seeing who it was.

“Billy!”-You pulled him in, hugging him tightly, he quickly returned the hug, slightly lifting you off the ground. Steve slowly raised up from where you had left him, he cleared his throat, making both of you turn. 

“I think I’m a go ...”-He grabbed his jacket and started to walk towards the door.

“Wait, Steve, you didn’t finish tellin-”

“Call me if you need anything.”-He said, closing the door behind him, not once looking at you. 

“Did I interrupted something?”-Billy asked with a quirked eyebrow. “Uh- I ... honestly, I don’t even know.”-You said trying to comprehend what just happened when you felt a warm air hit the side of your neck, you turned to see that you were still in Billy’s arms. You slightly pushed him off, making him frown. 

“You alright?”-He asked a little bit concern from your sudden actions. You just nodded and looked down. Your heart was racing, why the hell am I feeling like this? You could feel Billy’s getting closer to you.

“Hey um ... I want to apologize for earlier.”-He lifted your chin, his eyes were practically begging for you to look at him. “It’s okay Billy”-You held his hand, a small smile starting to form. “Do you want to talk about it?”-He only shook his head and gave you a kiss on your forehead. “Not yet Princess ...But I wanted to talk about something else ...”-He trailed off as he walked over to the living room and saw the movies that Steve had picked up for you guys to watch. He let out a scoff and picked them up one by one. “Really? Endless love?? Splash?? Flashdance?? (y/n) I never took you as a romantic maniac.”-He started to laugh, only to make you roll your eyes. “Steve was the one that picked them ... But I actually like Flashdance so GIVE ME THAT!”-You snatched the movie out of his hand. “Wait ... Steve picked them?”-He looked at you wide-eyed, mouth open, ready to burst into what would seem a hysterical laughter. “Don’t ...”-You warned him. He only shook his head and laughed on the inside.

You crossed your arms over your chest, standing in the middle of the room, watching him as he dropped himself into the sofa. “So ... What did you wanted to talk about?”-You dropped the movie on the coffee table as well as yourself into the recliner. Billy looked down and took a deep breath. “It’s about earlier ...”-He looked up, seeing you starting to blush.

He must be talking about the kiss, you thought to yourself. 

“It made me realize something ...”

He softly spoke and slowly got up from the sofa, kneeling in front of you, just like Steve did before. “(y/n) ... I really like you, and I know it’s going to sound so cliché but, ever since I saw you, you literally took my breath away, and since that night at the record store, I knew you were the one ... so, in other words ... I’m in love with you, and I would like you to give me a chance to prove it to you.”

You stayed in the recliner, frozen, not knowing what to say. Every single word hit you, this was a whole different Billy, you thought, and you were curious, should you give him a chance? I mean, after all, he just saved your life ... 

But what about Steve ...

STEVE’S POV

“Come on man, this is ridiculous ...”-Steve turned away from Dustin who was just rolling his eyes from Steve’s bed. “Look, if this helps you so you can face your fear of telling (y/n) how you really feel then do it !”-Steve turned looking at Dustin unsure of what to do or say. “I rather want you to embarrass yourself with me than with her ... SO HURRY UP! Cause my mom also gave me a curfew ...”-Steve laughed at the last sentence, taking a deep breath he finally faced Dustin who was eagerly waiting for him to make his move. “I can’t believe I’m doing this ...”-Steve laughed at himself, looking at the ceiling. 

“You were the one that asked me for advice ...”-Dustin said under his breath. “I know, and I shouldn’t have ... I should of have just asked Nancy.”

“Really? Asking your ex for advice? Doesn’t sound smart to me.”-Dustin scoffed. “Well, neither is asking a 13th-year-old ...”-Steve raised his eyebrows to Dustin as he placed his hands on his hips. “Whatever ... but let’s just get this over with.”-Steve nodded and placed himself in front of Dustin looking at him directly in the eyes, taking a deep breath, he kneeled. “Just relax man, you got this ...”-Dustin smiled at Steve as he placed his hand on his shoulder, Steve returned the smile and mouthed a Thank you, clearing his throat he began his speech ...

“(Y/n), we’ve been friends since ... I can remember ... and ever since I saw you moving into our street, I practically fell in love with you. And as we grew, my feelings became stronger and ... I never knew how to tell you because I didn’t wanted to ruin our friendship because I love what we have ... but since that night when your mom called us, that you guys were leaving for good, I felt so heartbroken because I knew you were never going to come back and maybe I would never get the chance of telling you how I really feel ... And when I saw you laying on that bed at the hospital, unconscious, I knew right then I had to be there with you, even if I had to put my feelings to the side, I wanted to be there with you, protecting, and do everything in my power to make sure you’re happy and to let you know that you’re not alone, but last night made me realize that ... even that ... I couldn’t do, and I thought I had lost you again ... And believe me when I tell you that I was going insane, and YES I’m actually thankful that Hargrove was the one that took care of you and all but ...”

“What? That’s insane !”-Dustin said under his breath interrupting Steve and taking him by surprise. “Sorry, keep going.”-Steve nodded and continued.

“Right, um ... Look, what I’m trying to say is ... I love you, and I would like you to give me a chance to prove it to you.”-Steve looked at Dusting for approval. “I like it ...”-Dusting smiled at Steve making him sigh in relief. 

“Ah man ... I don’t know how I’m going to do this ...”-Dragging a hand over his face he turned away from the small 13th-year-old who hopped off from his bed, grabbing his backpack. “Well, I already did my part ... Now drop me off ...”-Dustin began to walk towards the door, turning to Steve as he waited for him. “I told you, you got this ... And if it’s any help, I think you guys would make a gross but cute couple.”

“How’s that ... Nevermind, come on.”

As Steve dropped Dustin off, Dustin turned to Steve noticing how nervous he was. “Let me remind you that not long ago you were able to beat the shit out of some Demodogs, so if you can do that, this should be a piece of cake ...”

“Yeah Buddy, but if I’m honest ... I think I prefer those things right now ...”-Both of the boys began to laugh. “Well, Good luck Steve, and if she turns you down ... Remember that I’m here, with snacks ...”-Steve only let out a dry laugh.

“Thank you Dustin, and say Hi to your mom for me.”

“Yeah, I will, I’ll see you later ... and remember YOU got this !”-Dustin yelled out before slamming the door behind him.       

On his way to your house, Steve started to have flashbacks when you guys first met ...

June 1973

It was the beginning of summer, he had just come back from playing basketball at Tommy’s house. He was looking down at the concrete while bouncing his ball, too distracted by his actions, he was about to cross the street and if it wasn’t for the drivers honk he would of have been run over, and that’s when he noticed it, it was a Move-In truck and it was going to his street. 

Running to his house, he stopped at the driveway and looked down at the curved street. The truck had parked at the old Vreeke’s house, followed by a small pick up truck. A young woman came out of the driver's side, she was slim, easily dressed in high-waisted denim flares and a red bottomed-down shirt with the famous Farrah Fawcett hair. She looked back at the truck and motioned someone to come out. Steve’s breath got caught up in his throat, dropping the ball, he had no words and neither could describe how it felt when he saw her.

A small girl, around his age, came down the truck. She had long messy (y/h/c) hair accompanied by an old dirty red cap. She was wearing dark denim overalls, folded by the ends, with a white t-shirt under, and some old black converse.

Wow ... Was everything that Steve could say.

The little girl started to look around until her eyes landed on Steve. He then realized how creepy he must of have looked, staring at her the whole time, and took no time to run back his house. Leaning against the door, he felt someone approaching.

“Oh sweety what’s wrong?? Are you okay?? What happened??”-A young brunette dressed in a light blue dress and white flats came down running leaving what seemed a basket on the coffee table. “What happened Stevie??”-She looked at the young boy who was breathless.

“I-uh ... saw a wasp and I freaked out.”-The young Steve lied and it seemed to satisfy his mom, nodding she then picked up the basket from the table. “Well, hopefully, it’s gone ...”-She smiled at Steve, looking out the window she questioned Steve “Honey, by any chance did you see a Move-In truck?”-Looking down at the boy who only nodded, her face suddenly light up with excitement? 

“Yes! They’re here! Okay, Stevie, I’ma ask you a big favor, can you please go change and maybe ... fix your hair a little bit?”

“Why?”

“Oh, Honey weren't you listening to what I was saying last night? My roommate from the University was going to move into our street, and she also has a lovely daughter.”-Smirking at the last comment, it made Steve's cheeks go red, remembering that she was indeed lovely, although he wouldn’t use lovely, but beautiful. 

“Do I really have to go??”-Steve whined, not wanting to face the girl again. “Oh Steve, don’t be a whiner and now go and get dressed, I want you ready in less than 5 minutes.”-Steve’s mom ordered. Running up the stairs, he began to panic, what was he supposed to wear? Did it really matter? What would she think of him? At the end, he ended up wearing a white bottomed-down shirt and high waisted denim shorts with a pair of brown oxford shoes, with his hair slicked back. His mom was already waiting for him at the door, and her serious expression suddenly changed at the new look that her son had.

“Oh My GOD! Stevie! Baby, you look so cute! Hold on let me go and get my camera!

And suddenly his mom was gone, now realizing that this was a bad idea, there was no going back, so he came down the stairs thumping with each step. After a quick photoshoot, Steve and his mom were now on their way to her roommate's house. 

“Now, I want you to behave and be a good boy for mommy, would you please do that for me?”-Raising an eyebrow at Steve, he nodded without a question, and after ringing the bell 3 times, the young woman that Steve saw before opened the door and gasped in surprise looking at both Steve’s mom and Steve.

“No way! Lynn, I’ve missed you so much! Here, come in.”-Both Lynn and Steve entered the house, there were still boxes everywhere. “So, is this your little boy??”-She now turned to Steve and lowered at his level. Lynn raised her eyebrows at Steve, and he quickly pulled out his hand. “Hi, my name is Steve, is nice to meet you.”-Smiling she took it and nodded at him. “Well is nice to meet you too Steve, my name is Meredith.”-She got up and turned to Lynn. “Well at least your boy says something, mine doesn’t.”

“Oh, really?”-Lynn said with a tone of concern.

“Yeah, she uh ... She’s still trying to ...”-Meredith’s voice suddenly faded away from Steve's attention, he was now looking at the young girl who was sitting in the backyard, the wind hitting her hair, making it move like waves.

“You know she doesn’t bite.”-Steve’s attention was now back to the women who were smirking at his red cheeks. “Her name is (y/n), she’s around your age too.”-Steve looked back at his mom who was now gesturing him to go. “Uh ... ”

“Come on Stevie, go, cause Meredith and I are going to talk about adults stuff.”-Defeated he nodded and began to walk towards the sliding door. 

“Oh, I almost forgot I brought you ...”

Sliding the door behind him, he saw the little girl jump and turn, looking at him from up and down and frowning instantly.

Oh boy ... This isn’t good ...

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[dianepoststhings-blog]

The interview

What’s your name?

My name is Franck Walker.

Where were you born?

I was born in New York City, New York so and I was born in the village of Harlem, which is in upper Manhattan. Harlem is the Indian name for Manhattan but we call it New York City.

What is your date of birth?

I was born March the 15th 1949. I’m 70 years old.

Where did you grow up?

I grew up in New York city exclusively. I grew up in apartment.

What were your parents’ job?

My mother was a housewife and she worked with the PTA (The Parents Teachers Association) so she was part of the educational system. She didn't work full time because she had 8 children.

My father worked at The Metropolitan Opera House and he was the first black scenery director at the Metropolitan Opera House. This is before Lincoln Center, this was the original Metropolitan Opera in New York City.

Do you have siblings?

I have, I had I should say five brothers and two sisters. I lost 4 of my brothers and 1 of my sisters so it’s just now all the 3 of us: my older brother Clarence, and younger sister Allegra.

What was your dream job when you were little?

There were so many. When I was a kid, I was going to be a singer, and I sang for the Metropolitan Opera Boys Choir, but my voice changed. Because my father worked at the Metropolitan, he encouraged us to play instruments, so I played the cello for 8 years. My parents said I had to play an instrument, everybody had to play an instrument in my house.

Did your parents force you to play an instrument?

They didn’t force us, they suggested strongly because they didn't want us playing in the street. You had to have activities after school. It was either that or to church, and I went to church every day until I was 15.

Why did you stop?

Because I could, I was old enough to say I'm not going anymore. I went to religious instruction every day every.

What is your religion?

I'm African Methodist Episcopal. It's the Church of England.

What was your dream job dream?

From the time I was 12 years old, my mother used to do my sister hair for church on Sundays. So she will wash their hair Friday night, and then she would do the brushing and all on Saturdays. She used to burn them every other Saturday because it was every 2 weeks. She would be talking on talking and running her mouth, so she would burn them, so they will start to cry on Saturday before she started. One time I said to my mother: “Why don't you pay attention to what you're doing”, and she said to me: “Who you’re talking to?”. And I said: “I'm talking to you because you’re burning them in they’re crying”. She looked at me, and we were allowed to talk, so she said: “You think you can do a better job”. I said:” I can't do any worst”, so she said: “Go ahead”, so I did their hair. I did their hair so well and I didn't burn them, then she said: “OK from now on, and I'm going to pay and if you do it anybody else’s hair they must pay”. That's how I started doing hair so I was going to be a designer I always could do hair but I was going to be a designer. When I took my entrance exam for art design, they said it wasn’t my work, so they made me sketch in front of them, so I did and I passed. Then, I decided to go with design and illustration, but I was always drawing pictures of hair.

In my 10th grade I was going to school, and after I was working in a salon so I started working there at 16 years old. So I have been doing hair and makeup for 54 years.

Give me 3 qualities you have and rate them.

I have the ability to put myself in your place somebodyelses place so whatever you're going through I can imagine it's happening to me. I have that empathy for people and that's one of the characteristics about myself that I like most.

I'm funny I think it's one of my better qualities I have a great sense of humor.

I am a dreamer. Usually, my daydreams become realities, it’s not just daydreaming for nothing I think.

What is your worst habit?

My habit is eating anything. I'm a diabetic and I'm not supposed to have sweets and I love to eat them.  My diabetes is really under control. When you have diabetes it doesn't mean that you can't have sweets it means you have to know your limits.

I’m a procrastinator, I put things off, I hate to admit it but I am. I'll do it tomorrow.

What is your happiest memory?

I was about 17 years old and my mom was always making sacrifices for the kids. So sometimes she was wearing the same thing over again. When I got my job, every week I would put away money, and I bought an outfit for my younger siblings from the from the shoes to the beret. For my mother, I bought everything from the shoes to the gloves. My mother was concerned about what she was going to get the kids for Easter, so when I came home that day, I had all these boxes. She said: “you've been shopping, what did you buy yourself?”. I said that it wasn’t for me but for the kids and she kissed me and she said: “You’re a good son you’re always so thoughtful”. She opened up each thing and she was happy. When she opened up the box for her, she just burst into tears.

What is your worst memory?

It’s the death of my mom. She had a colon cancer and they had given her 6 months to live. She was 45 years old. We were just devastated. I was 16 at the time, and the idea that my mother, my best friend was not going to be there anymore… Then she went into remission, and she lived for 10 years. She was living in Bermuda, and she fell and it activated her cancer for whatever reason. She came back in August and went in the hospital in September and she never came out. She died that January the 2nd 1975. To watch her from this woman full of life just diminish. She couldn't talk. I remember it was the end of the year and she said to me: “I don't want you to come tomorrow you’re here every day, go out and enjoy yourself.”. I did and I'm getting ready that morning on the 2nd to go to the hospital, and I got a phone call that my mom had passed. I was so pissed that they told me on the phone and it wasn't the hospital it was a friend of mine who want to see my mom. He should never have told me that my mother died on the phone let me come to the hospital and then let me let somebody in my family tell me. How I was going to deal with this knowing that I would have to do her body because we had agreement from when I was a young boy “When I die I wanted my hair, my nails and my make-up done, I want them to see my shoes”. I knew the moment she died I was gonna happen and I did. I was 25 years old.

Is your dad still alive?

My father died my father died in April 1974. They were divorced. I lived with my mother until I was around 18 and then I moved out. In America you are encouraged to be on your own, to be independent because you will have to take care of yourself for the rest of your life, so you might as well start early. I had a job when I was 13 years old, I used to be a paperboy.

What were your relationship with your father?

He was a very smart man and he could be extremely kind, but he was not a man that should have had 8 children. He was a mommas boy, he always had his mother to do things for him. When he was very young his father left home. I'm sure that this has some type of effect on him. I think he meant to be a good father, but he wasn't responsible. He was still living his life like he was single. My mother was from a very wealthy family, and my mother had five older brothers. When she got pregnant, she got married. My uncle told her to not marry him because he was never going to be a man. My relationship with him was volatile because he could be abusive, instead of being mad at himself he would take it out on my mom, he never took this responsibility for what went wrong and I think what compounded the stuation was that my mother's family had money. When he couldn’t afford something, my mother would get the money from her family. I think he may have the less.

He had an accident on his job and he injured himself. He never recovered from it, so he started to drink. He died at 58 years old. I asked her: “Mom did you ever love daddy?”, and she said: “I liked him”.

What is your greatest achievement?

Being 70 years old. I don't know a lot of people my contemporaries that are 70 years old, mostly people my age is dead.  I'm in France, I've been in France for 28 years. I guess that's an achievement. I was 42 years old when I came here.

Why did you leave America?

I had a cousin here, and we were going to open a salon here. In America, I had a lot of celebrity clientele, and sometimes when you’re doing celebrity people, they talk too much about their personal life, and then, they get mad at you because they told you. They want you to sign a piece of paper saying that you won't repeat what they said, and it got to be too much for me. When I came to France, I could do hair and not talk, I didn't speak a word of French. I was known for taking good care clients, and they would just say: “Do me”.

What is my future achievement?

I want to write a book about my life and my experience in France because I love France, I really do. I love the French people.

Do you have any regrets in your life?

Yes, I have many regrets. But nothing big. I would have liked to be a parent. I had 2 children and they both died, one at birth and the other one she lived by a week or two. I worked out in my head and wasn’t for me.

What do you like the most in life?

I like to be alone, I’m a loner. I was like this when I was 7. In a house full of kids, I would play be myself. I can amuse myself. I do like me.

Are you currently satisfied of your life?

Yes, I am right now. But this is kind of new to me what I’m going through right now, because I'm in the middle of changing my whole life here. I'm containt, but I’m not happy happy but I'm going to be. There’s a lot of things coming, next year, I'm going to be with my family. There are coming to Paris. I'm very very happy everything in my apartment will be finished.

Do you want to get married?

I’ve been married since 1978 with my wife. We just never got a divorce, we had a daughter and she died, so there was no reason for us to stay together. I mean we loved each other but not that much, not for lifetime. I told her that if she ever wants to get married again, I will sign the paper, but she never did. I’ve never seen her in 30 years.

[team-adults-blog]

4.07 Gimme Shelter

They didn’t even get the rights to play the Stone’s song. 

Let’s talk about chicken nuggets, Grey’s Anatomy, and Ethics.

HERE WE GOOOOO THAT BLACK RAIN IS REAL

Damn everyone just stripped. Hero boys out to save that kid Harper left for dead.

FUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK. I literally had to pause the show and take a moment to calm down. Everyone’s half nakey. I can handle this. It’s just that it’s EVERYONE. ALL AT ONCE. 

“Why don’t you make a fire, you’re good at that” OOOHHHH Octaviaaaaa burn him. Puns.

Big bro Jackson showing Clarke around like a cool bro should. Abby’s smile is radiating (hah) sunshine and can provide all the solar energy that rocket needs. Jackson is so happy for her. Sachin is the best because he only gets these little moments and kills every single one. 

AWWW she needed to see her mom and get a hug. This is so nice. They used to be pretty mad at each other over dumb misunderstandings and now look at them. I’ve missed you so much. It’s important to remember Clarke is what, like 16-17? Listen. She may have been forced to grow up but you’re allowed to turn into a kid again when you go home. I made my mom buy me chicken nuggets over break and I’m older than Clarke so get wrecked. Here I am, going to brewerys with friends and coming home for the nuggets. But I’m like. An adult. So I make them in the oven and not the microwave. Plus you don’t have to count how many nuggets per 11 minutes. You can have as many as you want. This is important to me because I have no self-control. I also talked my friend into buying the dino chicken nuggets so I’ve basically been living off of beer, nuggets, and smoothies. I’m the picture of health.

Raven’s sedated? AKA you couldn’t get her to take it easy. When was the last time you slept? Um. Try the last episode? Murphy wasn’t only asking do I need to go get the doc, but also do I need to go wake the doc. “I’ll sleep soon enough, one way or another” to quote my cutie patootie B, “dark” aaannnndddd Jackson told on you to Clarke anyways because he knew you’d try this crap. 

Bone marrow? Literally Mt. Weather. Ethicssss. Clarke, why are you not alarmed? DOCTOR LORELEI TSING WAS DOING SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR TO YOU MOTHER (who should also remember this) AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE TALKING ETHICS EXPLICITLY TO EACH OTHER? It’s different because Luna is “ok” with giving you her bone marrow, but creating a human test subject against their will? Whoaaa, Nelly. Glad we’re not rushing into this yet. And Emori is going to misinterpret things. Abs is going to make it voluntary like the culling, right? You don’t need to freak out.

Clarke gets laid, 2 hugs, a SHOWER, and a NAP. All in 2 episodes. She is living the dream. That nap is what she needed to be calm and collected later.

Jump scare! Oh shit someone’s here. I hate this. It’s scary. I fucking screamed so loud. I’m hella tired and saw it coming and still. Apparently I use real swear words and more of them when I’m tired.

Yeah, Murphy! Kill ‘em with a cutting board! My weapon of choice in that kitchen. It’s sturdy and will knock a dude out. 2nd choice in that kitchen is a frying pan because it has a handle. #tangled You’d think knives right? You have to be able to get close to use a knife, and that grounder could kick my ass. My strategy: hit him with something sturdy and solid- not heavy because then he’ll see it coming- and then if he’s not k.o.’d  get him in a headlock. we’re not about stab wounds. we’re about concussions. #5andcounting

Guys Forever is coming back! What a good ad too. “It’s a long story.” I screamed. CW cancels a show for low viewership even though it has an interesting plot, only to bring it back 2 years later. “It’s a long story” covers both the behind the scenes process of bringing it back and how he came back to life this time. The water coming out of the body locker? Fantastic. I knew instantly. But I didn’t believe it until I saw his face. I am excited. Amanda in France is excited.

Bellamy distracted driving in the rain and gets stuck in the mud. Kane has zero ability to help. Awful. All he can do is say sit tight, babe. You’re self-sacrificial, but come one. This sucks so much.

Octavia and Ilian stuck in an elevator I mean cave (thanks B for identifying the actual name of the trope because I was just calling it cave but you’re smarter than me). What a classic way to make two people talk or hook up. Have y’all seen Greys Anatomy? People would just halt the elevator to have an important conversation and/or sex. I should have maybe realized this is what it’s called earlier...They’re not using it as much currently (S13 baby), but it got so bad in the early years it became a bit of a running joke that gets carried onto the spin-off, Private Practice:

This screen grab (from the google.com) may actually be from Grey’s while they were still trying to sell the spin-off. Like when Psych had that The Finder episode? I don’t remember, it’s been years. Anyways, on The 100 they’ve used the trope a little more tactfully: S1 Finn/Clarke hook up and acid fog, S2 Kabby talk about deserving/not deserving salvation in Ton DC. Uh there are most def more but I give up.

The trope for the cave scene felt very in your face, glaringly obvious. Ilian tells Octavia his sad story, then he says it’s her turn. O’s gonna pass. Feeling numb hard. But everytime I find myself saying “fuck it, I’m tired of being this way” a little voice (my conscious, not the scary ones) tells me that the “I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all” mindset is actually incredibly unhealthy and dangerous. The show could have played the entire song “Pain” by Three Day’s Grace and it would have been spot on for what’s happening in this scene (except for who’s actually initiating the sex). “Just make me feel something else,” that’s using someone. That’s how you get in trouble with people because you’re not taking their emotions into consideration. So maybe Ilian does want this, but it’s clearly not the way he would want it. He pushes Octavia away more than once before he gives in. It’s so clear from an outside perspective that it’s wrong, and yet it makes sense emotionally. To me at least. I have a lot of repressed memories that are surfacing and I would like to shove them back down where they belong so we’re just going to leave this and go somewhere less personal.

“It’s good to hear your voice.” Damn right I would rather talk about Kabby. SOOOOO sorry to be the bearer of bad news but we’re running out of water Abs. We’re getting pretty desperate. I trust you 100% to make the right choice on your medical ethics question. This whole conversation is great because Paige and Ian are acting alone in radio scenes; they’re not feeding off each other. Being able to bring up that emotion by yourself is commendable (for Bob too) and they’re all so lovely. Back to the plot- Kane has made poor decisions before, most notably the culling, and Abby has pretty much always been on the right side of the moral issue, trusting the people to volunteer. Abby will do the right thing, she always does is Kane’s angle from being wrong as well as building this trusting and loving little thing. Speaking of which, Clarke you didn’t send his love? Sure they radioed later but. This isn’t a “tell them I say hi!” from my mom whenever I go to my brother’s house. This is important! (sorry mom) Now, the questions:

Take a life to save everyone? Is it murder? Even if we don’t call it murder, could I live with myself if I did this? Whenever philosophical questions come up, I want more details before I commit to a side. Specific circumstances will drive the answers. Unfortunately, they’re operating under a lie Emori is telling everyone, a lie that says, he’s a bad guy. A really bad guy. Even if we’re not 100% ok that this is a forcible injection of nightblood and then we’ll see if he dies or can run out into the world, it’s not like we’re doing this to a sweet child. Clarke reassures Abby that it’s a good decision, but Abby was about to do it anyway, so are they framing it as Clarke holding more responsibility? Or did they just want to give her some? Everyone there shares the responsibility- I won’t call it blame just yet because they don’t know- but doing this gives Clarke a bigger piece? Will finding out the circumstances they think are driving the situation are lies change how they feel about their decision?  Of course! Will Abby feel incredibly guilty? Of course! Does it matter to anything other than your conscious that he’s not the bad person Emori lead you to believe he was? You still made the decision to do this against his will. What a #fun plot to explore, especially with Murphy knowing it’s a lie as well. It’s not if the others find out, but when.

The Blakes and dad!Kane are ripping my heart apart. Kane’s just trying to keep Bellamy safe and reassure him. He missteps. Big. “your mother would be proud of the man you’ve become. I know I am.” He reads that Bellamy need to know he’s doing a good job despite things being out of his control. If he had said “I’m proud of you” he would have been fine. But. Ya didn’t. “You floated my mother.” Damn. He sure did. For having Octavia, the other kid you’re highkey trying to parent. Nothing like a good reminder that all of the delinquents have good reasons to hate/ fear Kane because he put them all there. Jaha gave the order to drop them on the Earth, but S1 Kane arrested them and floated a lot of their families (which makes the dad!Kane bits a little sad). It’s a nice slap in the face to wake up and remember ALL of the character development he’s gone through since the pilot. He’s incredible now, but he still has a lot of baggage he hasn’t had to really deal with aside from Octavia and Abby. He and Clarke never even talked about it back S2 when they started teaming up bit by bit.

He blunders the Harper situation because he’s too worried about Bellamy, Peter and Mark/Matthew (I’ve already forgotten which) and Abby. “Who you want to be doesn’t always win.” Ok. True. But that’s a shitty thing to say to Harper who’s already feeling like shit and has told you she’s wrecked with guilt. You dropped the ball there. ESPECIALLY when you’re trying to comfort Octavia after she ALMOST murders Ilian TWO HOURS AGO. ??????. Harper not off killing people, she just freaked out in a crowd/mob/crazed herd environment and this guy grabbed her. She shook him off and instead of fighting to help him, she lets herself be pushed along by the crowd. She’s not a terrible person, her guilt is evident of that.

Bellamy gets back- how did he dig that rover out of the mud all by himself? Kane tries to apologize, Bellamy flips his line from earlier back in his face. “You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.” I can’t save Octavia. You can’t save me. Savage. Gut punch. Which must be even worse when you think about how those arms pushed a 2,000 lb rover out of the mud. Boy packs a punch. Poor Kane. He deserved it after bringing up Aurora Blake, that doesn’t make it hurt less.

Octavia throws her weapons away and is taking Ilian home. She doesn’t want to fight anymore. I’m glad, but I’m not sure how sleeping with Ilian brought her to this conclusion. If I missed a line help me out.

My exact thought process on the last scene: OH MY GOD IT ISN’T HIM. EMORI. MURPHY WHY DO YOU GO FROM ALARM TO SMIRKING AND THINKING “THAT’S MY GIRL.” THIS IS NOT HOT.

Shirtless everyone and cool questions give this episode a 9/10. I’m fine with being unclear as to where Octavia is going, I’m not cool with not understanding the morning after and how that decision was made because its 1) really important and 2)the show acknowledges it’s important enough to show is (unlike Abby’s rings). -1 for that.

[izzy-b-hands]

On mobile so I can't put a read more, but I'm going to try and tag well--I need to vent. ----------- So today has been the worst day dealing with my mom in awhile. Like we've been in an okay patch where she hasn't been giving so many mixed messages and orders, but that came roaring back today for some reason. It starts out crappy because we head to my tattoo appointment, but my artist was sick and had to reschedule (though please note I'm not mad at him in any way, I'm glad he was going home rather than suffering sick thru work, because I know how much that sucks no matter what your job is. It just made me sad that I wasn't getting tattooed today and those appointments are like spa days for me.) Before we left for the shop though, she was super pissy and generally making me not want her there at the appointment because I didn't want her bugging my artist or being fussy at having to wait for my appointment to be over (which she's done at past tattoo appointments that I did offer to go to alone by getting a cab or taking the bus.) Anyway, after the tattoo shop we decide to go run a quick shopping trip, and our interactions go down hill. We're both struggling financially right now, but I've been buying a lot for the both of us the past week. But she asks me to get this trip, so I say yes because it won't do any good to say no. Then we get there and she's grabbing extra stuff not on our list, half assedly asking if it's okay even when the thing is in the cart and we're eight aisles away already--like, I'm not gonna argue and say no at that point, cause she'd just get pissy. The store was busy too, so we were both starting to get upset in general. Now, I will note that my fragile emotional state today wasn't all due to her. The whole 'you're still stuck at a shitty job in ND and haven't totally gotten your writing off the ground' thing has been hitting hard for a couple weeks, but especially today. But I wasn't complaining or bugging her with it, I was just trying to ignore those feelings. At the end of it she's rude to the teen cashier, (she knows that behavior is something I don't tolerate), but we get to the car. I offer to buy lunch out from a place we both like because at that point I was more treating myself than her. Like, I'm on the verge of emotionally overwhelmed tears in the car from the day and stuff building up for weeks and she's just hopping cause she gets her fav food. I was literally crying (quietly though) as we left the parking lot and she keeps going on about what sandwich she's getting. At first I thought she didn't notice, but then she looks over and goes "Oh," and that's it. So she noticed, and normally would at least be like, "hey, you're crying, is everything okay?" Not at that moment. In the drive through I started crying more, because I honestly couldn't help it (that hasn't stopped either, I'm on like my tenth cry of the day right now) and then she finally showed concern. I couldn't tell her anything she had done to cause it (in the past that's earned me shouting and 'ungrateful brat' kind of comments that she swears later she didn't mean) but I did explain the wanting to move and earn my primary income from my art frustrations though, and she surprised me by being kind and supportive. I thought we were okay then and the day would be okay. Wrong. We eat, she decides to nap cause she was getting a headache, I decide to play GTA V for an hour or two. The cat wakes her up in about that time (I tried to get Nish to let my mom sleep, but she wanted both her humans awake and wouldn't take any food or toys I offered.) Mom's mood is wildly different then. She's angry. She complains about clothes being ready to hang in the washer (I didn't see or hear her put them in, or I would have taken care of them) and goes to do that. I follow, and try to fix things by taking the basket and offering to help. As soon as we get in to the room we hang the clothes in to dry, she's even angrier. First I'm taking the dry clothes down too slowly, then too quickly when I hang up wet ones in their place. Then I'm hanging the clothes wrong on the hanger. I tried for a bit to make it work, but she was ripping clothes out of my hand, tossing the laundry basket around, and pushing empty hangers to the floor in the same way an angry toddler would. So I get her the extra hangers from my room, hang up my dry clothes in my closet, and go back to my laptop in the living room, and turn it all off. That was the breaking point for me--I knew she'd be pissed at me next for playing a game (that's the usual cycle of these situations no matter what I'm doing--if I'm just sitting there doing nothing then I'm still doing something wrong) so I closed it down. Here comes the mixed messages. She asks when she goes back to the couch, suddenly really quietly, why I'm packing my stuff up. I tell her I have a headache and want to be in my room (partially true, though it isn't a bad enough headache that I'd go lie down) she acts sad, but let's me go and I leave trying to figure out her 360 emotional spin. Fast forward a few hours of me crying quietly in my room, panicking over how she might act for dinner and how even though my psychologist said to stand up for myself and call out her behavior and how she'd be totally pissed at me if I'd acted like she had all day I still can't bring myself to say anything because I'm afraid of my mom yelling when I do that. There's a quick, tense discussion on what to do for dinner a bit later, and dinner itself wasn't awful, just uncomfortable (in part because we had pizza and I had to eat all the pieces left, or she'd do her usual spiel about how I don't eat left overs fast enough so I shouldn't leave them, yet she can leave them because she's formally dieting and I'm not.) I try to go back to my room and she stops me. "Bye," she says in a voice equal parts sad and offended. Now, no matter what I'd done here would have been a problem. In past moments like this, there have been some where she guilted me to staying in the living room (but then acted nasty towards me if I fell asleep and didn't wake her up to help remind her to take out her contacts or get her to bed at a decent hour) and some where I've gone back to my room (and she'd pop in every couple of hours to ask if I still wasn't coming back out, glare at anything I might have on the floor, and sigh even when my room is clean--the issue I've found there is that it isn't clean in the way she'd clean it, so it pisses her off, no matter how much I try and clean 'her way' even when executive dysfunction makes it hard.) Tonight, I chose my room, which brings us to now. She already popped in once, as I was typing so I had to hide my iPad so she wouldn't see this post. I already know she'll have fallen asleep in the living room, so I can't fall asleep yet in case she doesn't wake up by ten or elevenish on her own to go into her bedroom. And I get her headache might be making her feel like shit, but here's the rub-- We've been having these moments and situations since I was four. I know everyone has days where they act shitty cause they don't feel well, but why does she expect me to just ignore her on those days when she never lets me have a day like that. If I acted how she did today, she'd have yelled and been angry with me (even tho she stresses now how we're just as much roommates as mom and kid since I'm an adult, so we should treat each other more like roommates.) I was the one who was gracious and asked my artist if he was okay to check out my healing before he left (which he happily did, and he said he was glad I let him check because it showed responsibility as a tattoo owner that he doesn't always see) while she whined that we shouldn't have to pay for the visit and embarrassed the hell out of me (they didn't charge because we didn't tattoo today, and none of the artists at the shop have ever said they'd charge for a literal 'roll up your sleeve for two minutes and let me look' thing, tho I think they probably could and should--I'm willing to hand over my money to people who care about me and the art on my body.) I was the one who kept us on track during shopping and got us home at a decent time, with lunch, even tho my anxiety was at an all time high and I was already an over emotional mess. And I was the one trying to find a way to make her happy, even after she'd made me cry a few times over. I just wonder how long I'm going to go thru this with her. My five year plan now is to save up to move to California, but it's killing me I can't go now. To be closer to other artists and collab and share my art with them (one book in the series I'm writing is nearly done with my editing, the second books first draft is written, and I started writing the third books first draft this week, and I didn't even plan on it becoming a series); to be away from my mom and my family's bullshit; to be in a state that will protect my orientation and gender identity (they can still fire u for that first one in ND)--it all feels so close yet so far away and days like today I just feel so tired of living the way I am, yet I don't have the money or options to change anything yet. This got way too long--if u read it all, thank u but also I'm sorry. U can tell it got too long cause I've given up typing as formally as I usually do. Anyway, I should take this moment to thank u all for still following me and reading my blog--writing and rants alike. It's a small comfort, but it makes me feel less alone. And on days like today, that's one of the few things I have. Here's to hoping for easier days with family, for me and any of u guys that might be struggling with similar issues right now. If any of u ever need to vent, my ear is ready to listen (and comfort if u want.)