#just in case- reader is not a loser and being a virgin in college is no big deal but these are her anxious thoughts. that’s all

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/739562902099492864/the-panic-attack-please-im-cackling-jdjdjdj-it

also he would feel so bad😭😭 the fetishise ask thing got me thinking. imagine she lies or pretends she’s not a virgin at first just bc guys are super weird when they find out ab it, so she does that just as a protection thing/to get weird guys off her back. so Peter doesn’t know & imagine they’re making out or whatever but he’s super quick with it and suddenly there’s a dick in front of her and she starts panicking JAHAHAHAAHA

I csnt stop laughing picturing this. he’d be so confused but so worried HABABA

*cleaning out my inbox* an: this is not our trouble/reader. this is an au with our peter!

you got a little too far into it. in your defense, your friends told you instinct would take over and you’d just fall into it and you’d do anything when you’re horny and in the moment.

but right now, in this moment, you’re panicking because someone other than you is taking your shirt off, and someone other than you is touching your breasts.

you got this, you can handle this. you’ve made it this close, what’s a little closer? you could finally get it over with, and with a guy that’s astronomically hot. god was giving you a chance and you weren’t about to fuck it up.

you can handle being tossed to the bed, you can handle warm palms cupping your ass, you can handle a brush of his core into yours. you can handle peter taking off his pants, you can handle peter… peter… he’s-

peter’s got a big dick, and it’s coming right at your virgin body, and you can’t handle this. how are you supposed to lie your way out of this? or was it into this?

it doesn’t matter, he’s going to know the second he tries to put it in. fuck, is he going to put it in? yes, that’s how sex works- okay, fuck, shut up!

peter’s got a gleam in his eye, how fucked were you about to make things? you’re the one that came onto him and now you’re freaking out because there’s a real deal penis and real deal sex situation happening and you have no idea what to do.

‘that’s a penis.’ your hands clasp over your mouth, it was the least sexiest thing you could say and it shows on peter’s face.

‘i’ve…’ you swallow hard and feel everything in you ignite, you’re praying to any god listening he just takes you out of your misery right then and there. isn’t premarital sex a sin? you should be burnt at the stake.

‘i’ve never seen one before.’

‘oh, jesus christ.’ a shuffle, it’s out of your sight and you can’t begin to explain the relief. you stare down at your hands, if you didn’t have to walk by peter, you’d be out of his room in a second.

you peek up at a flash in the corner of your eye, your shirt was outstretched and pushed into your hold. ‘if you can’t see mine, i can’t see yours.’ your chest doesn’t feel as tight, he’s not mad, just a little thrown off.

‘i’m sorry.’ you’re still shy when you meet his eyes, even if you’re fully clothed. ‘but like, i didn’t tell you i wasn’t a virgin.’

peter crosses his arms over his chest. ‘and you didn’t tell me you were until it got too real.’ he’s right, your shoulders slump, isn’t it just embarrassing? not even the lying, just the fact you’re in college and you’re still a virgin.

‘i just thought it could get it out of the way, i don’t know.’

peter scoffs, ‘well, you don’t do it like this.’

does that mean he’s off the table, did you shoot too high? ‘so, you don’t have sex with virgins?’

‘it’s not in my day to day schedule, no.’

‘you’ve never taken a girls virginity?’

‘did i say that?’

‘no.’ it’s unsettled emotion, it’s the only reason you huff and cross your arms at him. yes, make this his fault.

‘i thought you’d be the perfect candidate, but i guess not. i didn’t know frat boys actually cared this much.’ if peter wasn’t going to kick you out before, he would now. you offended him.

‘the fuck? sex is a whole different ball game when you’re a virgin. you don’t know that yet, i do. it’s my job to make sure you’re comfortable and have a good time, that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t tell me.’

you started something, he wasn’t stopping.

‘i’m not saying there aren’t guys like that out there-that’ll do what you want, but it’s not me. if you want to get it over with like that, fine. but i’m not doing it in one night.’

you naw on your bottom lip, if you got this far what’s one more question? ‘so, would you?’

‘would i what?’ you chew harsher, it was easier to just pretend you weren’t a virgin. you shouldn’t never stopped him. ‘take my virginity.’ you spit the words, before he could try to repeat himself, ‘i mean, at your speed or whatever.’

peter has a series of emotions run through his mind, they all tell him it’s a bad idea. the heightened emotions, the awkwardness, the whole hurt thing, he just never really thought he’d have to go through it again.

‘you don’t know me.’ it should be more than enough, but you counteract him. ‘i know. that’s kind of why i chose you.’

a deep inhale, ‘you baited me? was this your plan?’ you try to clear the idea with your hands. ‘no, no, no! the plan was to not tell you but then i got scared. but since you already know… you know?’

‘no.’

you drop your head into your hands, everything is getting worse. you should’ve went through with it. ‘everything is awful and i want to die. i’m so sorry, peter. we can just forget this ever happened and if you see me around campus, no you don’t.’

you try to paint yourself invisible, instead you get a half earnest sigh from peter. ‘alright, look, you’re fine. it’s fine. you’re actually… strides ahead than i was when i was a virgin, okay?’

of course he says that, he’s already been through it. ‘but im too old to be a virgin!’

‘pft, what? no. have you seen 40 year old virgin?’ you cry out into your hands, ‘im not steve carell!’ you really had to pick a man? was that really the only option you had?

‘be honest with me, the pathetic virgin-‘

‘stop.’

‘- if i do this with another guy will he know?’ you hold on tight for the answer, it’s not long, it’s immediate. ‘yes.’ you’re not sure if he’s just saying that so you don’t throw off another guy.

‘no, seriously. would he-‘

‘yes.’ you exhale a ‘fuck.’ game over, if you really wanted this, you’d actually have to find someone to date you. that sounds like actual hell.

since you’re already in the pits, ‘peter?’ a hum, you finally blink up at him. ‘are you sure you won’t do it?’ you watch him take a solid breath, his next words chosen articulately.

‘when did i say i wouldn’t?’

you explode in a smile, you were right, you chose the right person. ‘you will? like, you’re gonna make me not a virgin?’

peter thinks- no, knows it’s a bad idea, but you’re going to do it regardless and he knows he’s better than a majority of guys on campus. he’d actually make sure you’re safe and comfortable. was he really about to do all the first steps with someone he didn’t know?

yeah. he was.

‘yes. i’ll take your virginity.’

[lovesickonmybed]

to hands between legs | 18+

masterlist | xo masterlist | info about palestine | donate to gaza

pairing | bully!ellie williams x loser!virgin!reader

synopsis | ellie williams made your high school experience a living hell, but once you got to college you thought you were finally free…until running into her at a frat party where she humiliates you just like it’s high school all over again.

warnings | 18+ MDNI! bullying, wedgies, dub-con, underage drinking, panty kink, degradation, humiliation, fingering, virgin reader, mommy kink.

word count | 4.4k

a/n | if wedgie kinks make you uncomfortable or seem cringe to you then please keep scrolling and let me indulge in my weird little kinks thank you! also i dropped out of college so if any of this is inaccurate i'm sorry!! i urge you to not buy any of the last of us games, including the remaster as the creator, neil druckmann is a zionist. the second game is based off of the israeli occupation in palestine and you can learn more about that here.

“Dude you are not wearing those to the party tonight!” Your roommate Seline scoffs looking you up and down as you stand in your underwear looking through your clothes in an attempt to find something semi-decent for your first party of the year. You’ve got on a plain white bra and a pair of white hanes panties that sit high up on your waist. 

You turn back to look at her with an annoyed sneer on your face, “They’re called underwear for a reason, they’ll be under my clothes, where no one can see them. I doubt it’ll make a difference, I’m not exactly trying to get laid tonight, especially not by any of those guys.”

“Wearing granny panties at any time besides your time of the month is just…wrong! There’s no way those are comfortable, like seriously I see you pick your wedgie like 20 times a day, just grow up and switch to thongs already.” Your cheeks heat up with embarrassment and you slip on a black skort that stops at your mid thigh before turning back to face your roommate. 

“I do not pick that many wedgies, stop being so dramatic! A thong would just be worse, I don’t want a string up my ass all day…” You retort.

“So instead of a string you want that itchy fabric to bunch up and give you a cottontail? Got it…this is why you haven’t gotten laid yet…” Seline says, side eyeing you.

“I really don’t need this right now, I’m wearing my comfortable and reliable panties and you can have fun telling a frat guy to stop pulling on your thong strings when he’s had too much to drink.”

“My thong is getting taken off by a frat guy tonight, not pulled up, honey. Now hurry up and get dressed so we can go, maybe if you pick the right top someone can look past your choice in underwear,” Seline chuckles.

You roll your eyes playfully and decide on a cropped white tank top, you slip on a pair of black heeled boots and a light wash denim jacket to finish off the look. You want to look alright just in case, you haven’t had the best luck romantically and definitely not sexually since arriving at school. You’ve made out with a few girls at parties but due to your own nerves you haven’t done anything past feeling them up and trying to not cum immediately when their hand is on your thigh. You swear you got more action from your high school bully…

“Come on, if you make me even later than we already are then I’m gonna lose it!” Your roommate commands as you grab your bag from off your bed. You’re not exactly the party type and you sure as hell weren’t in high school, then again you never got a chance to go to parties in high school thanks to Ellie fucking Williams for making you a pariah. You still have no clue what you did to the girl for her to target you as viciously as you did, you barely knew her…maybe she wanted to establish dominance when she arrived in Jackson, sure being the new kid can be tough but it doesn’t exactly call for you to make someone miserable everyday of their life. It started with a shoulder check in the hallway and escalated to you having to budget out having to replace panties on an almost weekly basis due to the waistband ripping wedgies Ellie loved to dish out. 

College was a fresh start for you, a way to escape your past as ‘Wedgie Girl’ and to finally make some friends…but thanks to your busy class schedule and your social awkwardness it’s proven harder than you expected. Your roommate Seline was kind enough to introduce you to some of her friends and you’re pleading with whatever forces are out in the universe that some of them will be there tonight to hang with you when your roommate abandons you for some dick from a sweet, but ultimately brainless frat boy. 

“Do you know if anyone we know is gonna be at the party?” You ask Seline, nervously playing with the hem of your skirt as you both walk the path to the nearby frat house. 

“Uh, I think Taylor mentioned she might be there…I’m not sure when though. But hey, if she’s not I’m sure you’ll find someone to spend your night with if I disappear,” She smiles, nudging your arm with her shoulder playfully. 

“More like when you disappear…”

“Hey! I don’t always disappear!” Seline scoffs.

“If there’s dick from a himbo you do,” you retort.

“Can you blame me? They’re always the sweetest in and out of bed, I can’t help that I like a dumb guy who will actually take care of me after we fuck instead of some asshole who’ll just take my panties after!” On multiple occasions freshman year Seline had some of her favorite pairs stolen by business majors, it was truly unfortunate. 

“Dude I swear to god I’m on a mission to get your panties back tonight, you know I love stealing shit from frat guys. I’m gonna steal your panties back,” you joke to Seline.

“I don’t want them back, they’re probably crusted with cum by now!” Seline laughs.

“Oh my god! Why would you put that image in my head, jesus christ!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Seline is out of breath as she apologizes. 

You reach the lawn of the frat house and you and Seline look at one another.

“If you plan to hookup with someone and stay at their place, text me and share your location, deal?” You say to Seline, making sure to establish a plan for tonight.

“Deal. Same goes for you, babe,” she smirks.

“We both know I won’t be hooking up with anyone but the optimism is appreciated, Seline.”

Seline laughs and throws her arm around your waist as you walk into the party, music playing loudly, the house filled with college students with drinks in their hands. 

You comb the crowd to look for anyone you may recognize but you’re unsuccessful, you frown and pull yourself closer to Seline for comfort. You cup her ear, “I don’t see Taylor yet.” 

“Let me text her and see when she’ll be here,” Seline responds as she pulls out her phone and pulls up Taylor’s contact, she shoots her a text and while she waits on a response y’all go into the kitchen to find something to drink. 

You separate from Seline and look around at all your options, you decide to just grab a Whiteclaw, ignoring how douchey it makes you feel to be seen drinking one. You crack it open and take a sip as Seline pours herself a shot. You lean against the counter as people come up to greet Seline, you feel out of place at this party but you try to ignore the feeling and take another sip.

“Hey, is it okay if I go with them?” Seline motions to the two girls standing where she just was, “I don’t want to leave you alone but we’ve been meaning to catch up for awhile y’know?”

You sigh and bite the inside of your cheek, “Yeah…it’s okay. Go catch up,” you give her a fake smile and in response she gives you a real one.

“I appreciate it, I’m sorry. If you need anything just text me, okay?” 

“Got it. Go have fun for me,” you smile.

Seline gives you a quick hug and turns to the other girls, walking off to the backyard together.

You stay where you are in the kitchen, bobbing your head to the music and mostly aimlessly scrolling on your phone when people watching gets boring. You’re broken out of your trance by a familiar laugh, “Holy shit…you actually made it out of Jackson? I’m shocked, truly.” Even if you hadn’t looked up you’d know exactly who was talking to you. Standing in front of you, a beer in hand, is Ellie Williams. 

You gasp softly and take a long swig from your drink, “I-You-”

“I didn’t know you went here, how’d you even get in?” Ellie asks, taking a step towards you. You can smell the woodsy cologne that’s been her signature scent since high school, she’s wearing a dark green flannel over a black tank top and a pair of black jeans. 

“I-I’m smart…I guess…” You manage to say. You regret it instantly, face heating up when you realize how stupid you sound. 

“Mhm, yeah of course…” She steps closer to you, setting her hand next to your hip on your counter, trapping you slightly as she gets in your personal space, “You know,” she chuckles, “Your roommate is a real dick for letting you leave the dorm like this…”

“What? What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” You ask, instantly regressing back to the insecure high schooler you were just two years ago.

Ellie smirks, wetting her lips with her tongue, “Nothing, I’m just fucking with you, loser. You’re just as easy to mess with as you were in highschool…” 

You look down, avoiding eye contact, and shrink into yourself, “Why…why are you doing this? We’re not in highschool anymore, Ellie. I mean…who even bullies people in college?”

Ellie doesn’t appreciate your attempt to stand up for yourself, “Someone who sees a loser in desperate need of help…you still wear granny panties?” She bites her lip as she watches your face contort into an embarrassed look.

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about…” You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to self soothe. 

Ellie pauses for a minute, turning around to scope out the house. She grabs your wrist and starts to pull you along with her.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!” You yell, trying to tug your wrist out of her grip, it’s a futile attempt as she’s always been much stronger than you. 

“Shut up,” Ellie commands, continuing to pull you along with her to the upstairs of the house. The partygoers hanging out on the staircase pay you no mind, continuing their conversations without a care in the world. Ellie pulls you down a hallway, opening one of the doors and pushing you inside, causing you to fall to your knees. Ellie locks the door as you scramble to your feet, mostly out of fear of what substances could be on this carpet.

Ellie turns around to face you, “Take your skirt off.”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “What?”

“Are you stupid? Take your goddamn skirt off,” Ellie sneers.

“What? Why? I-I’m not taking off my skirt for you! And I’m not wearing granny panties!” 

“Then lift up your skirt and prove it. You’ve got a little cottontail poking out of the back of your skirt by the way…nice hanes,” She laughs and pushes you back, causing you to stumble.

“You’re a sadistic bitch!” You exclaim, backing up away from her.

Ellie walks towards you, backing you against a wall, “I think you meant sexy, but that’s alright sweetheart I still understand you.” Ellie grabs you by your shoulders and spins you around, using her arm to pin you against the wall, your face feeling squished against the plaster. She grabs the bottom of your skirt and pulls it up, groaning in disappointment when she realizes you’re wearing a skort. “Fuckin prude,” she mutters before grabbing the waistband of your skort and yanking it down, exposing your white hanes to her.

“Hey! What the fuc-” 

Ellie cuts you off, “Sorry did I tell you to speak?”

“N-No but-”

Ellie cuts you off again by grabbing you by the back of your head and shoving your face even harder against the wall, causing you to whine in pain. “You speak when I tell you to speak, until then shut your goddamn mouth before I gag you.” Ellie slaps your ass and chuckles when you yelp. “Do you still want to stand here and deny that this borderline geriatric pair of panties are granny panties? Huh? I mean, this sure as shit ain’t a thong, but if you’re really so deep in denial I guess I could be generous and turn it into one for you, honey.”

Before you can even think about protesting Ellie grabs your waistband and pulls it up teasingly slow, your eyes go wide as you’re transported back to highschool by the feeling of the cotton fabric sliding against your skin and situating itself between your cheeks. As the fabric begins to sink into your folds you’re transported back to a memory of Ellie giving you a wedgie in the locker room during senior year.

“Shut up and take it, loser! It’s your fault for pissing me off today!” Ellie whisper-yelled as she pulled the front of your panties violently, tears welled up in your eyes as the baby pink fabric was forced into the folds of your cunt.

“Stop! Come on, you really don’t have to do thi-”

Ellie cuts you off with another harsh tug of your panties, your mouth falls open as a sharp pain shoots up your ass. You try to reach back and tug your waistband away from Ellie but she’s quick to pin your wrists against your back, using her body weight to help pin you against the wall. “Don’t you fucking dare! You’re so goddamn defiant, I miss the helpless loser you were in highschool, this was so much easier back then. You knew how to shut up and take it.”

Ellie shoves her leg between your thighs and lets go of your waistband, she uses her now free hand to remove her belt and restrain your wrists with it. “There. Now you have no choice but to take it,” she laughs. You try to squirm out of her grasp but with her thigh pressed against your cunt all it does is make your face heat up and make you hold back a moan of pleasure. Ellie continues to hold you against the wall as she grabs your waistband again, “Ready for me, wedgie girl?” Ellie smirks as she starts to pull your waistband again, pulling harder than before, almost lifting you off the ground with her first pull.

You choke on nothing as she uses your old nickname, feeling you with even more shame as your brain floods with countless memories of your public humiliation at her hands. Your eyes screw shut as you feel the threads snapping against your skin, the painful friction against your most sensitive parts sends pained moans from your lips. 

“P-Please…h-hurts so bad,” you whimper, tears forming in your eyes as you rest your forehead against the wall.

“It’s supposed to, dumbass. I bet you like it though, don’t you? It’s the most attention your little virgin cunt has ever gotten, huh?” Ellie snickers. 

“I-I’m not a virgin!” You reply.

“Bullshit. I doubt you’ve even had an orgasm…poor thing, bet your poor little pussy just leaks from the slightest attention…I could breathe on it and you’d cum. It’s a miracle you haven’t cum yet, I’m pratically fucking you with these,” Ellie pulls harder, getting you onto your toes to emphasize her point. Ellie giggles, “You know what, you’re not a virgin I’ve already fucked you with your panties.”

You mewl with embarrassment which sends Ellie into a fit of laughter, once she calms herself she lets go of your waistband. You sigh in relief as you think she’ll let you go but once you feel her grasp on your leg holes your eyes go wide. You’re not getting off that easy. 

“You know what, let me rip these and I’ll give you a pity orgasm, how does that sound, loser?”

“No, come on! Ellie don’t rip these!” You plead.

“Oh come on, nerd. I’ve already stretched them out, they’re unwearable, just let me have my fun,” Ellie begins to lift you by the leg holes of your panties. You cry out in pain, your legs kicking out of instinct as you feel the fabric of your panties pulled back and through your cunt, the fabric scraping against your cunt in such a way that causes you to begin to cry.

“Can’t believe you’re already crying, you went fucking soft on me, nerd. Guess I gotta do this everyday and build your tolerance back up,” she says in a patronizing tone. 

“No, no, no, please…Ellie…” Your breath is ragged as she continues to split your ass with your panties, showing no mercy as she bounces you, the sound of threads ripping fills the room.

“Oh come on, baby, you can take it. Don’t tap out now, you’re so close,” Ellie coos, snaking one of her hands around to grab the front of your panties and begins pulling from the front too. You scream in pain and she lets go and begins to scold you, “Shut the fuck up! Are you trying to get caught? You want everyone to see you getting fucked with your panties?” 

You sniffle, “N-No…”

“Then shut. the. fuck. up. and take it. Got it, slut?” She questions.

“Got it…”

Ellie resumes and you bite your lip to hold back your pained noises as she bounces you by the front and back of your panties, making you feel like you’re being split in half. You can’t remember the last time you were in this much pain and you hate how soaked it gets you, a wide wet patch is very visible in the gusset of your panties. It doesn’t take many more pulls for the panties to finally rip, you moan loudly in pain and pleasure as you feel the fabric rip against your cunt. Ellie is quick to grab you by your waist, old hand holding the ripped pair of panties as she helps you to the floor. You sit against the wall and catch your breath, looking up at Ellie completely wrecked. Your mascara is smudged beneath your eyes and you have red marks on your hips. 

Ellie squats down to your level, “You okay?” She asks softly, reaching towards you to trace the marks on your hips. Her gentleness confuses you, when she bullied you in high school she would’ve just let you fall to the floor and leave you to deal with the aftermath.

“I-I think so…” You mumble.

She reaches up and cups your cheek, “Can I finger you?” She looks down at your red puffy cunt, licking her lips as she imagines you mewling for her as she stuffs your cunt. 

“I…No one has ever…y’know…touched me like that before…” You explain shamefully.

“I wanna make you cum, loser. Wanna feel your cunt clench around my fingers.”

You look up at Ellie with glassy eyes, whining at the thought, “Why?”

Ellie looks down, her cheeks turning red, “Because I think you’re hot…and I’ve been wanting this for years…”

“You have?” You ask, brows furrowed as you scan her face for any hint of a lie.

“Yeah…I…I like how you sound when I torture your pretty pussy, wanna make it feel good this time, wanna reward you for how you took that wedgie.”

You think it over for a minute before you nod, “I want your fingers inside of me, please.”

“You want it on the bed, baby girl?” She asks, nodding her head towards the bed of whatever poor boys room you two have only just begun to desecrate. 

“Yeah. Can you untie me too please,” you ask softly, lifting your restrained hands behind your back.

“Oh shit, I forgot I even did that. Let me get that off you,” Ellie helps turn you around and removes the belt restraining your hands and slips it back onto her jeans. She takes your wrists in her hands to check for marks, “They should only be a little sore…I’d wear long sleeves till the marks go away unless you feel like coming up with a story about how they got like that.”

You nod and let her help you onto the bed, you wince in pain as you sit on the bed, the soreness in your ass already kicking in.

Ellie tilts her head and leans towards you, looking down at your lips, “Can I kiss you?”

You nod, wetting your lips with your tongue. She leans in and presses her lips to yours, kissing you softer than you could’ve ever imagined from her. There’s a masochistic part of you that had always had a crush on Ellie, you had dreams of her fingering you, eating you out, hell even taking you on dates. But you had never imagined she’d really kiss you, especially not like this. You kiss her back and are quick to deepen the kiss, Ellie smirks against your lips at your eagerness and pulls you into her lap, spreading your legs and cupping your cunt. She uses you gasping at the sudden contact to slip her tongue into your mouth and you moan into her mouth once she starts to massage your clit. Your body feels like it’s on fire and you beg the universe to not let you cum before she can even get her fingers inside of you. 

She pulls away from your lips, a trail of saliva still connecting them as she moves her mouth down to your neck. She presses a kiss below your ear and whispers, “Gonna take off your shirt baby, wanna suck those pretty tits.”

That alone is enough to make you grip her hair tightly and whine. You help her remove your shirt and she’s quick to remove your bra as well, beginning to trail kisses down your neck. “You’re so fucking pretty, got perfect tits…for a loser…” She snickers. 

This time it doesn’t feel malicious, it makes your clit twitch and your breath hitch. 

“You like when I’m mean to you, don’t you? Bet you’d go home after school everyday and play with that pretty pussy of yours and think about what I did to you…Bet it got you wet once I got everyone calling you wedgie girl…” Ellie smirks at you, admiring the embarrassed expression on your face.

“Shut up…” You giggle.

She smiles and starts to leave hickeys on your neck and collarbones, drawing whines and whimpers out of you with ease. She pulls back to admire her work, “I’d suggest you invest in a turtleneck, sweetheart,” she chuckles.

“Shit…what’s my roommate gonna say?” You mutter, brushing your hair out of your face as you try and think of an excuse to give Seline.

“Are you with her or something?” Ellie asks.

You shake your head no, “God no…she just knows I haven’t done anything like this before…never came back to our dorm with a hickey before either.”

“You’re so innocent it’s fucking adorable,” Ellie says, leaning forward and kissing you again. She pulls away and leans down to press kisses to your tits, nibbling slightly here and there, making you whine once she takes one of your nipples into her mouth, tweaking the other with her hand. “Fuck…Ellie…” you whine, tilting your head back as she worships your tits.

She trails a hand down to your cunt, slapping it lightly, making you yelp. She laughs softly and presses her ring and middle finger against your folds, swiping up some of your slick and bringing her fingers up to her mouth to taste you. She takes her fingers into her mouth and sucks your slick off, moaning at the taste, “You taste as good as you look, sweet girl.”

She leans forward to kiss you and slowly slips two fingers inside of you, you gasp against her lips and buck your hips forward. “Oh fuck…”

“I haven’t even started baby,” she laughs. She begins to pump her fingers in and out of your cunt, whispering praises to you as she brushes her thumb against your cunt. She bites her lip as you whine her name, reaching out to grip the bed sheets. “You’re so tight, bet you’ve been needing this huh…”

“Y-Yes mommy, needed it so bad,” you mumble, too engrossed in your own pleasure to truly realize the words leaving your lips. 

Ellie stops and tilts her head, looking at you with her jaw dropped, “Did you…did you just call me mommy?”

“Fuck…I-I’m so sorry, it just sli-” Ellie cuts you off by resuming her pace, speeding up her movements quickly to make you fall apart.

“Tell mommy how fucking good it feels,” Ellie commands. 

You’re quick to follow her orders, muttering pathetically about how good she’s making you feel. “Mommy…I fucking…I’m so close, need to…”

“Need to cum, don’t you pretty girl? Gonna make you cum, gonna make my pretty baby make a mess all over my lap.” Ellie curves her fingers inside you, hitting right where you need until it sends you over the edge. You let out a string of moans as you collapse forward onto Ellie, burying your face in her neck and you moan incoherently. Ellie works you through your orgasm, rubbing your back whispering praises as you come down. She sucks your juices off her fingers, continuing to rub your back and praise you as you catch your breath.

“Fuck…thank you…” You whisper, your head still buried in the crook of her neck.

Ellie smiles and pulls you close to her, “Anytime, loser.”

You roll your eyes and giggle, the word no longer feels hurtful but instead playful. Ellie pulls you off her lap and grabs your ripped panties off the floor, using them to clean you up. “These are coming home with me,” Ellie says, holding the ripped fabric up in front of your face.

You try to snatch them away from her but she’s quicker than you, stuffing them in her back pocket. “Nuh uh, these are mine now, loser. Need something to help me get off when I think about this again.”

She helps you redress and tries to help fix your hair and smudged makeup, it’s all futile thanks to the hickeys she decorated your neck and collarbones with. “You know it’s pretty dark out there, I doubt anyone will notice,” Ellie says, motioning to your hickeys.

You roll your eyes and give her a look that says ‘really?’ “Ellie, these are impossible to miss, my roommate is never gonna let me live it down.”

“I can’t help that I’m so good at humiliating you,” Ellie giggles, wrapping her arms around your waist, nuzzling her face into your neck.

“Shut up and take me back to my dorm,” you say playfully, nudging her with your head.

“Round two?” She asks hopefully.

“I’ll consider it…”

[bouncyirwin]

KakaSaku Fic Rec | Readers’ Favourites

This took forever. Mainly because I had to retrieve the links myself, but it’s finally here! I present to you the KakaSaku fanfiction recommended by this fandom through comments, messages and asks per my request. Thank you to everyone who sent in their recs and to those who recommended some of my writings. Happy reading! Find 50 fics under the cut.  I added a (*) next to my personal absolute favourites if you’re interested ;) Although I should point out I haven’t read everything on this list yet!

A Study In Movement by @ila-moon-beam | Ongoing | M

Sakura juggles taking care of her 12- year- old, working as a nurse technician and exotic dancer. It's not an easy life, but it's the best she can do given what she has. What she isn't prepared for is Sarada's handsome teacher who she meets at the parent/teacher conference, as well as his surprise appearance at the strip club she preforms at one night with his friends.

Private Practice by @alienwritesstuff​ | Ongoing | M

When nineteen year old Kakashi is injured during a mission, it's Sakura's job to see that he is healed properly. But, Kakashi is interested in a bit more than the healing she can give him. [Age Swap AU]

Nama-Stay Away From Me by @the-copy-mistress​ | Ongoing | M

When Sakura’s impeccable schedule keeps getting thrown by her gym’s ever tardy yoga teacher, she decides to give him a piece of her mind. Things do not go as she predicted. Modern AU.

Moment You Loved Her (back) by LindtLuirae | Completed | T

Some things are just worth breaking for. KakaSaku AU.

Hungry Hearts by @ila-moon-beam | Ongoing | M 

Sakura is a single mom who works tirelessly to finish her bachelor's degree. She does what many other single moms her age do; they go to school, they work, they take care of their children. Except, things are different for Sakura in her last semester of her college career. Her daughter, Sarada, will be staying with her grandfather, she will be TAing for this mysterious new Professor at her university, and she will soon find a familiar face coming back to haunt her; determined to reconcile their family.

Everyone Goes to Tsunade’s by @mrssakurahatake​ | Ongoing | M 

1920s AU, After their long term business partner forces them out, Tsunade and Jiraiya decide to open their own New Orleans speakeasy. Business isn't going well, can a new house band help them turn things around?

Into Darkness by @lady-otori​ | Ongoing | M

For Sakura, being the granddaughter of the head of the largest Yakuza clan in Shikkotsu wasn't easy. For Kakashi, being forced to consider marriage with the Fire Country's most spoiled Yakuza princess was worse. When the wolf and the dragon of the criminal underworld go head to head, bystanders had better look for cover. [KakaSaku] [Yakuza AU] [Arranged Marriage]

The Beginning, the Middle, and the Coda by @lady-otori​ | Complete | M

The beginning, the middle, and the coda to Kakashi and Sakura's relationship, in which it all begins when he expresses the most important thing in the most awkward way possible. A three-part series of interconnected oneshots, exploring three different stages of their love. [KakaSaku] [Fluff] [Smut]

Reciprocity by @sparkswithyou​ | Complete | M

On a mission gone wrong, one thing goes right.

Insatiable by @somnificsheep​ | Complete | M

Sakura tugs the covers back to reveal dark, pleading eyes looking up at her. “If you don’t mind it in the shower,” she says. “Some of us--” she leans down to nuzzle his forehead-- “have work to get to.”

“Maa, Sakura, anyone else might think you’re calling me lazy,” he drawls. “I’m simply taking advantage of having some time off, is all.”

House of Crows by SilverShine | Complete | M *

KakaSaku. War is coming to Konoha and Sakura is far from home, uncertain of her future. But one thing is for sure, Sakura will protect her unborn child at all costs, whether it be from Konoha's enemies... or from its own father.

Crowns Of Blood And Bone by @raendown​ | Complete | T

He hates and hates and hates until he loves her, slowly and in small pieces.

Daughter of Fire by JulietteDeschemps | Ongoing | M

Sakura got up and didn’t bother brushing the dirt from her dress. She had a feeling she was about to get even dirtier.

She looked at the memorial stone one last time, memorizing the characters without even realizing she was doing it. It would serve from that moment on as a reminder of her determination. She wouldn’t let Naruto and Sasuke join the names carved on that stone.

That was her nindo.

you'll never leave me behind by PersephoneHemingway | Completed | M 

Sakura went ANBU and Kakashi hasn't seen her in a while. They face certain truths.

Masks by madstoryteller999 | Ongoing | T

When Sakura walks home after sending Naruto and the Sasuke Retrieval Squad off, the last thing she expects is to be attacked. What she could have never anticipated is that evening changing...everything.

In which: Sakura's Inner is far more diabolical than anyone ever expected, crows demonstrate themselves to be cruel mentors, the complications of selfdom in ANBU are realized, and Sakura learns exactly how much she hates Kakashi (and how alike they are in the most terrible of ways)

Pink Clouds by CharredCitadel | Ongoing | M

Konoha has fallen to Danzo, and Sakura has fled far away...right into the arms of the Akatsuki. Who would have thought that life as a missing nin could be so liberating?

Wish I Knew You by LindtLuirae | Ongoing | T

A lost bet and a forced dare brings two lonely losers together. Sakura never thought something as absurd-sounding as the 'No More Lonely Losers' program would land none other than Konoha's hottest bachelor and her long-time crush in her lap. KakaSaku. Rating might be upped later.

Mariposa by WhiskeyBlair | Ongoing | M 

It wasn’t until he found himself getting a face full of skull fragments and brain matter that he even realized he was being rescued

To Grow A Garden by Wolfy Tales | Complete | T *

"So what do you think about having a kid with me, Sakura?" - A family focused one-shot [KakaSaku]

Follow Your Nose by @tipsyraconteur​ | Complete | M

Sakura decides to find her signature scent. Kakashi "helps". Things get out of hand. (Kakasaku. One-shot.)

In Case of Blue Scroll by Leola Majora | Complete | M *

In Case of Blue Scroll the Hokage must lock himself in his office and pull his hair out as what he thought were memories of a long lost love turn out to be the memories of a mission he was about to assign his former student, Sakura Haruno.

Konoha Files by @mummapaintstheblues | Ongoing | M

Exactly one year since his partner's untimely murder, Detective Kakashi Hatake is forced back into active duty.

He is paired with up and coming Detective Sakura Haruno.

Through their work together, not only do they catch a killer, but Kakashi begins to see a fresh new hope to the dismal world around him. But is this new partnership enough for him to abandon the darkness altogether?

Kakashi Candyman by @xoxoendoh​ | Complete | M

"Just how much did you drink before coming down here?" 

"Sakura," Kakashi murmured darkly, trailing his hands down her thighs as he knelt at her feet, "I'm still thirsty." 

Kakashi notices that his wife could use a little 'de-stressing' before hosting the Halloween Benefit Gala…. —Swalloween2018, KakaSaku, NC17—

Adaline by @nikkigrand | Ongoing | T *

I would choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I would find you and I would choose you.

I pecan U by merrrcurius | Ongoing | M

It all started with a twig and a razor. The pecans didn't count because they didn't work.

Kakashi's just doing his duty as Captain.

It takes them places.

Discoveries in Oil by @nikkigrand​ | Complete | G * 

Kakashi always knew that he would always be there for Sakura, even when she belonged to someone else. Birth AU

The Fletcher's Heart Paradox by @Moonlady9 | Completed | M 

They are familiar yet total strangers. She knew their names but not the kind of people they were in this moment in time, she knows who they are from her moment in time. 28 years is a long time for people to change, but how much will Sakura change? How long will her heart stay steadfast, now in this new time. Time changes people, and their hearts.

House Calls by Spoiled Sweet | Complete | M *

Always the Team Mom, Sakura opens up her home as a clinic for the hospital-phobic ninja of Konoha. At the same time, her relationship with Kakashi begins to evolve in a way she never expected. M for swearing and later content.

make it holy by faeritell | Complete | T

Neither Kakashi nor Sakura welcomed the names on their skin.

Duty Before Honor by SilverShine | Complete | M *

[KakaSaku] Sakura knew why Tsunade didn’t want a virgin on this mission. Things might get out of hand. Acts might be carried out too far. She was glad Kakashi was accompanying her, but right then she wouldn’t have minded the entire population of Konoha.

The Cabinet Door by @itslulu42 | Complete | M

It says something about her, she thinks, that the only thing tying her to sanity is a talking dog. 

Everything But The Kitchen Sink by @itslulu42​ | Ongoing | M

Kakashi must have angered a god in a previous life. Why else would his soulmate be such a walking cliché? A Kakasaku Variety Pack of Modern Day AUs!

Omega Erased by @ila-moon-beam | Ongoing | M

A shift in equality caused a change in the dynamic between Alphas and Omegas. With the emergence of Alpha woman, the hierarchy reflected as such. Alphas began to mate with Alphas, simply using Omegas for their respective heats and ruts.

They were seen as play things. As a means to an end. As anything but equal to an Alpha. It had been this way for the past hundred years, society punishing Omegas for bringing out the worst in Alphas.

It was an Alpha world, and Sakura was just living in it.

A dystopian omegaverse.

Double Edged by nimblnymph | Complete | M *

Seduction is like a double-edged sword. You never know when you'll go from being the seducer to being the seduced. 

your most important person by @fineillsignup​ | Complete | M

Some people got their soulmarks on their arms or faces or some other place that was more difficult to hide. He remembered how Minato-sensei’s hair would sometimes be lifted by the wind enough to reveal “Uzumaki Kushina dattebane!” written boldly across the back of his neck in crimson. His teacher had sometimes laughed in his gentle way about it, saying that fate was determined to make things easy for him.

Your Most Important Person

Or, Kakashi tries to fight fate and fate fights back.

Or, how many ways can a soulmark screw you over?

Or, sometimes you just have to take what you can get.

the malady of solitude by moonvalentine | Complete | T

A few years after the war, they're still trying to regain their footing.

Friendship by Numbers series by Oroburos69 | Ongoing | M

Sakura's too young, Kakashi's too...different, and neither knows what to do with a real, live friend. Clueless and incompetent, they stumble down the path of friendship, accidentally getting naked and engaged along the way. Seriously.

Take my past and take my sins by @thekatthatbarks​ | Complete | M

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him, not wanting him to play it off like he always did. Her hands came up to his face. “You look like you haven’t slept in months, Kakashi.” Before he could respond, her hands went down to his waist and she tugged at the hem of his pants. Unsurprisingly, there was slack. “And you’ve lost weight.”

“Sakura –“ Kakashi started, grabbing the hand that was at his pants.

A thought crossed her mind, making her blood go cold as she realized. She cut him off with a glare, “You picked up the mask again, didn’t you?”

A Poor Imitation by leafygirl | Complete | M

Sakura is injured on a mission, forgetting everything she knew of life in Konoha.

The Samurai and the Oni Girl by selberias | Complete | T

AU KakaSaku set in Edo-period Japan. Sakura is the descendant of a red-haired foreigner as well as a merchant's daughter. Kakashi is a local samurai who has fallen on hard times, a man whose pride has been broken down to this point. Love comes after.

It's Something Unpredictable (But in the End is Right) by BasicallyAnIdiot | Completed | G

The problem was not that Sakura broke into his apartment.

It was that she had opinions about his defences.

Scar Tissue by @TipsyRacounteur | Complete | M

She comes to him on the type of day that he has way too often—the type of day that almost breaks a man—and she asks him to let her take care of him. And just like that, he starts to let her in, without ever even meaning to. (For KakaSaku Month 2018 Healing Prompt.)

Better Man by Kakashisgf | Complete | M

Sakura and Sasuke have been married for over a decade, but things are far from perfect, and Sakura's beginning to realize that maybe she deserves better. KakaSaku

Say it Again by @nyxako​ | Ongoing | M

A story in which Kakashi loses his hearing during a mission, only to later realize that the only thing he can hear anymore is the sound of Sakura's voice. [KakaSaku]

The Taste Of Fire by @alienwritesstuff​ | Ongoing | M *

**Hogwarts AU** Like a moth to the flame, Kakashi couldn't seem to stay away from her. He knows it's wrong, knows it's too dangerous. But, he's drawn to the fire. And fires like these tear the whole world apart.

Aposematism by @youngjusticewriter​ | Ongoing | T

Pretty things were dangerous more often than not. They had to be.

Don’t you know that the world has a tendency of yanking beautiful things up and leaving them to slowly die wherever they were taken to?

Dear fellow traveler by youngjusticewriter | Ongoing | M

“You’re thinking too much. Let me make you stop,” Sukea offered and, yes, his voice was different but Sakura liked it even if something about it made her mind inch.

“Okay,” she agreed before closing her eyes. She didn’t want to (see the world, she just wanted to wake up to find out the mission had been a bad dream) see Sukea and think on the things that she kept picking up on from him. All Sakura wanted was to be Chinami who was just a traveler just like Sukea was. A traveler who didn’t have people’s lives slip through her hands because she wasn’t good enough.

Destroy the middle, it’s a waste of time by youngjusticewriter | Ongoing | T

“Another one?” Mrs. Takahashi asked, “You’re going to burn yourself out.”

(You’re not good enough to keep working; you can’t endure like others do. You’re too young. You’re supposed to just wait around until your teammates get back because those who abandon their teammates are worst than scum.

And Sakura wanted to laugh despite the loneliness that had dug itself into her skin, and had made her bleed, so not to be shaken off.

They left - they left and now it was just her so why should she wait until they got back? She wasn’t a piece of cake that could be discarded.

Sakura had wanted Sasuke and now she wanted to be better in serving her village. Her crush, her teammate, refuting her didn’t stop her chasing after him even though she should have respected his choice. What was their opinions, strangers opinions, compared to that?)

Then I burn, were the words Sakura wanted to spill out from her tongue, to spew out as though they were poison she studied and used, and I get up from my ashes.

Don’t slam the door, Sakura thought as paws pressed into her hand as though to hold it. It (having to pay for another door) wouldn’t be worth it.

(Don't) lay me to sleep by youngjusticewriter | Ongoing | G

Sakura doesn’t need defending though.

Sakura smiled at the girl, because that’s what Ami is and what Sakura hasn’t been since her dreams started, with tired eyes (with eyes too old because that’s what happens when your soulmate is a jonin with a pretty painted mask).

You got to choose before the choice is pulled from you by youngjusticewriter | Complete | G

Kakashi didn’t greet her with an apology, a lie, or even with a hello. (He wasn’t too for gone that he had neglected himself to point he couldn’t sense her coming.)

That’s okay because Sakura doesn’t smile up at him, she doesn’t (lie) promise everything is going to be okay, nor does she greet her husband like she would have this morning if he wasn’t already out of the house. Sakura didn’t even take one of Kakashi’s hands into her own and give it a small squeeze in comfort, in a subtle way to remind him she was still here. No, instead Sakura exhaled the breath she had been holding in and it doesn’t remove the heaviness she feels in her chest.

“You need to come home.” Sakura doesn’t ask for him to do it for her even though Sakura had too lost their child. (We’re not dead, Sakura wanted to yell, and if you continue to keep your company with them, with the dead, then one day when you do come home we might just have become the company you prefer to keep. We might just become the dead you idolize because you were too late in life to realize how much your loved ones meant to you.)

Ceremonial by youngjusticewriter | Complete | T

With bloodied lips and sharp canines Kakashi smiles at the sight - it’s only for a night after all. In the past he had tried to shove it down, had never voiced that sin unlike the others (so many others) to the tombstones of his fallen comrades, but he’s dying now. He can have it just for a little bit. The air is hard to breath in, its too cold or maybe he’s too out of breath, and there’s clothe from his destroyed mask in his bloodied mouth but that’s okay. It’ll be over soon.

Twisted fingers - Kakashi could actually see a bone poking out of one - reach up to touch but it’s too late.

come through (like the sweetener you are) by exarite | Complete | M

Kakashi was not Sakura's sugar daddy.

(Or was he?)

It Wasn't Even Us In The End by tedthedead | Complete | M 

How many years?

How many years had he been lovesick, a yearning child needy for her comforting touch, a desperate man aching for the soft silk of her skin?

[remuswriting]

So, I’ve decided to write up this post about my pet peeves even though literally no one asked.  This focuses on a lot of things but the majority of it speaks about male readers.  I’ve noticed the majority of people who write male reader are cishet girls and while it’s great that more male reader content is being made, the content is not always the best when it comes to accuracy.  These are all things I’ve noticed as a gay man and I feel like should be addressed and fixed.

Something to keep in mind is that I say gay man throughout this but you can put in any sexuality or gender (besides cishet) in there that makes more sense for you.  Obviously mlm doesn’t mean gay men but gay relationship because man loves man.  Just wanted to put that disclaimer out there.

Submissive Reader

Okay, so the reader being submissive is totally cool and everything but not when it’s literally every single male reader post out there.  Now, submissive in this case isn’t just sexually but ‘personality’ as well. The media depicts a lot of gay men as very feminine and over the top or incredibly soft, which everyone says is submissive.  This idea feeds into heteronormativity, which means “denoting or relating to a world view that promotes heterosexuality as the normal or preferred sexual orientation.” You could also just say that it’s forcing straight roles onto lgbt people, even though they’re not straight.

The reader doesn’t need to be all soft spoken and uwu just because you want the Haikyuu guy to be the dominant one in the relationship.  Personality doesn’t go with what you’re like in bed because why would it be?  Do girls always act like the way you’re writing submissive male readers just because they ‘bottom?’  No, they don’t.  It’s very aggravating to read because it literally discredits every guy who doesn’t act or dress that way and may ‘bottom.’  I know gay guys who literally just wear ratty t-shirts, cargo shorts, and sandals they bought three years ago and drink beer like no one’s business. They’re still gay submissive men who are being looked over because people want to use heteronormativity when it shouldn’t be.

  Over Sexualization + Fetishism

This is not always the case but I’m going to mention it.  A lot of cishet women read or watch yaoi and find it so incredibly hot and then become obsessed with mlm relationships.  If that is your reasoning for writing male reader, then don’t. It’s already disgusting enough that me being in a relationship with another man has gotten me messages asking who tops and who bottoms and what the sex is like.  It’s really easy to see who sees mlm relationships as yaoi and fetishizes it and who sees mlm relationships as relationships between two men.  There are blogs who are ran by gay men and them posting nsfw things dealing with mlm is completely different than a woman doing so. We are not your fetish.

Also, the over sexualization of gay men is when you’re always thinking about mlm couples having sex and you have to make everything sexual is starting to become more and more prevalent in any fandom and real life, which is disgusting and ridiculous. When a mlm couple goes to the store to get groceries, don’t find some way to make it where they’re going to have rough sex when they get home.  Let them buy their fucking groceries and have a fluffy moment.  You ruin the quality of the writing when making everything sexual.

If you write smut, then make them use lube and a condom.  Spit hurts so fucking bad, an asshole isn’t like a vagina that self-lubricates, so use lube.  I’m literally just saying that I don’t know any gay men that would rather have spit be used to prep instead of lube.  Also, I know you all think it’s so hot for guys to come in each other, but it’s so unsanitary.  Of course, if they’re each other’s firsts, it’s not as disgusting (still disgusting) but if they’re not each other firsts; have them wear condoms.  They should be getting tested after every sexual partner to make sure they’re not getting any STDs.  There are some STDs that literally never go away and they need to wear a condom any time they have sex or else they could infect that other person.  Yes, I know that you’re writing where they’ve never had sex with anyone before but let’s be real with some of your prompts.  Majority of men have sex in college and when they got to bars, so it’s not unlikely for them to not be a virgin.

  Sexualizing Minors

I know everyone has an opinion on this, so here’s mine; don’t.  I don’t give two shits if it’s fictional, you are still sexualizing minors. I don’t understand why you are all so dead set on only writing them in high school when there is literally a whole time skip to use.  According to Japanese law, you become an adult when you’re 20, which means that high school guys should not have any smut written for them.

None of the Haikyuu boys were even thinking about sex in high school.  The fandom has made some of them sex gods when they were all volleyball losers who only thought about school and volleyball.  It’s confirmed Kuroo was in college prep classes and he also forced Kenma to be on the volleyball team.  He only thinks about school and volleyball, sorry guys. Ushijima is literally only volleyball and it is so funny you guys think he’s all sexual.  The guy is too stupid to realize common things about earth and it’s gravity, do you really think he’s going to be all ‘daddy’ with anyone?

Another thing is how I don’t see the appeal for anyone to have sex in the gym or club room or in public due to the number of germs there are.  This goes back to people over sexualizing mlm relationships but there’s no need to have so many public sex things written about high schoolers. Instead of doing all that weird shit, write for the Haikyuu guys when they’re 20+ and do like college AUs (my favorite) or just follow the time skip.  I promise you, it’s not that hard when there’s a whole Haikyuu wiki page just about the timeline that breaks everything down into years and months.

 Americanization

Buckle your seatbelts boys because this is going to be a long one.

I notice in nearly everything I read is that you guys Americanize it.  Sure, you don’t know Japanese culture, so you write what you know. This is really annoying though because you’re taking away from the culture Haikyuu comes from.  If you want to make it like it’s in the United States, then make it an alternate universe instead of doing whatever you’re doing.

I have been writing Haikyuu fanfiction for years and have done plenty of research when it comes to Japanese culture from Googling things to intense reading to taking notes from what I notice in different animes.  One thing I’ve been working on for awhile focuses on Hinata, who is a trans guy. There are a lot of people who would just make it as American as possible but I’ve been researching about how Japan is with the lgbt community.  Just because I want to write a character to be something doesn’t mean I’m going to Americanize it.  Let me share what I’ve read.

Gay marriage isn’t really a thing in Japan.  Two prefectures have it but it literally means about nothing when it comes to the government.  If they just want to get married because they really love each other, then that may work for them but they will not be seen as married to the government.  It is still taboo for people to be gay in Japan, so no one really screams it from the rooftops that they’re gay and dating someone of the same gender.  Transgender people are just now getting places to go to get hormone replacement therapy and if I remember correctly, it’s maybe a handful of places but at least one for sure.  LGBT things in Japan are not the same as they are in the United States, so don’t write it like it is.  I’ve been told I’m writing it that way to create angst when in reality it’s because that’s how it is over there.

I’m going to come off as rude here but how the fuck are you guys writing their schools wrong?  They don’t go to different classrooms each period; they literally stay in one class all day and the teachers change for each period.  This is one of my biggest pet peeves because why do you have to Americanize this thing when it’s literally clear as day something that doesn’t happen over in Japan. Here are some things about Japanese schools.

They start at 8:45am and end at 3:15pm.  Schools in Japan go from Monday to Friday but used to be Monday through Saturday. There are three terms: April to July, September to December, and then finally January to March.  Each term gets a report card and finals.  Classes are 40 minutes long with 10 minute breaks in between to do whatever as long as you’re back in your seat before the next class. Elementary and middle schools always had some type of field trip, so if you could always have reader meet one of the boys on the field trip because maybe both of their schools went to the same place.

It’s not that hard to look this stuff up.  To look all of that up, it took maybe 30 minutes because I was checking different sources to try to fact check somethings.  I’m just one for accuracy and it drives me nuts when someone doesn’t put in the same effort I did into making things as accurate as possible.

 Settings

I’ve already discussed school setting, so let’s go into some settings that are typically written incorrectly.  This is usually because people don’t have actual experience with that environment.

University

I can’t find just a whole lot all about university in Japan but I’ve found some, so I’ll share what I’ve found.  University students take fashion seriously because they’ve been forced to wear uniforms for the last six years.  In the United States, we value comfort over fashion and I’ll admit I’ve gone to lecture in pajamas before and not cared because it was an 8am class but it’s not like that in Japan.  Everyone tries to look as good as possible because they finally can.

Dorms are not like they are in the United States.  My living situation right now is more like theirs than the U.S. aka I live in an apartment by myself (I need a roommate though because rent is so fucking expensive). About every student lives in an apartment and there are no dorms unless you are a foreign exchange student and you’re still technically in an apartment but you have a roommate you didn’t pick. Characters can live in the same apartment complex if you want them to but Kenma literally lived in a house in his second year of university if you want to have that accuracy.

They don’t change their major once they start college.  As much as I could see some of them constantly changing their majors, you just don’t do that in Japan.  It’s a pretty weird concept because my mother changed her major six times before she stuck with nursing and I know a guy that has been at a two year college for five years because he keeps changing his major.  They decide what they want to do because they start university and have to hope they’re going to like it.

I read an article from someone who went to university in Japan and the entrance exams to universities are apparently the hardest part about university there.  You don’t have to really work much to pass classes in Japan because all you need to do is show up to get the units for the course.  Some classes don’t even require attendance, you just have to write a report by the end of the semester.  This is so different than university in the United States where you are literally drowning in homework every single day and debate on dropping out constantly.

Hospitals

As someone who has multiple family members who worked in hospitals, which made me be in hospitals constantly as a child, and had a lot of medical issues, it is the most annoying thing to see people write hospital wrong.  There is so much information online that you can look up as well as just asking people you know who have been in hospitals as either patients, visitors, or employees.  This is going to based off of American hospitals because I was having a difficult time finding things about

In regular hospitals, you cannot leave the floor without anyone knowing.  There is literally no way to break out of there without someone knowing. This applies to at night too because there are always nurses there at the nurses station because they have to check up on patients and give medication as well as help people go to the bathroom.  Doctors don’t stay at night because their shift is during the day.  You may not have the same nurse twice while in the hospital because they work 12 hour shifts.  I don’t know if this is the same system as in Japan but nurses don’t work every single day if they work in a hospital, they do have days off where other nurses will take their shifts.  In the United States, some hospitals have four 12 hour shift days in a row and then three free days.  Nurses change patients a lot because of the people taking that shift or they have to go work on a different floor.

You are required to eat, even if it’s through an IV.  Also, you always have an IV in your arm if you are admitted to the hospital because it’s just how it is.  Typically regular hospitals aren’t all that pretty and I’ve been to like dozens for multiple things, but psychiatric hospitals usually have the prettiest grounds. That’s just a random thing that I’ve observed in my 21 years of going to hospitals.

[agustdomain]

A Slideshow of Road Lines {2}

Synopsis: They say oil and water don’t mix. What about oil paint and engines? He’s an artist reaching toward his dream while the girl with an engine heart is too busy trying to get her hands on the wheel. Is there a way for them to hold onto each other?

Word Count: 5k words 

Pairing: Chris x Reader

Genre: college!au, artist!Chris, angst

Warnings: Language, Physical Illness (mentions and depictions of it)

Author’s Note: Would any of you be interested in a character index? I’m going to do it anyways haha but I want to know if that’s something you’d like to see. You know, just in case you need a reference. It is an expansive world after all. Also, I have a playlist specifically for this universe so if that’s also something you’d like to see... Without further ado...

! IMPORTANT NOTE ! This story is taking place in TWO DIFFERENT TIMES. When you see these flowers ❁, the story is shifting from present to past. There will also be a “Then” next to the day in order to further indicate that. If you have any questions, let me know!

> Part One <

DAY 4 

Her head is bobbing, her mind dipping in and out of consciousness. Any moment now and she’s going to hit rock bottom, far beyond return. 

This is what Y/N deserved for putting off studying for her calculus exam until the night before. The last time she checked the clock-when she was more awake than she is now- it had read 2:03 AM. That had given her a nice seven-hour window to study for the exam in which she was massively unprepared. 

Truthfully, she’s been using this exam as her go-to excuse until it was wrung dry. It had been enough to deter worried Hyunjin more than once and barely sated Yeji who’s relentless with pestering her this entire weekend. Even Minnie senses something is off, leaving a Crunch bar at her door for the past three nights.That’s one reason she preferred Chuu over all of her roommates, because she knew when to keep her distance. 

The Crunch bars, however, are a nice late night snack. 

Her phone buzzing made her head slide off her poised hand, almost right into her desk. Yawning loudly, she scratches at her cheek as she squints down at her phone. Swearing at the brightness, she turns it down before focusing on the only notification that’s lighting up her screen.

Honey

My spidey senses are tingling…                         Delivered at 3:08 AM

She waits patiently for the three dots to reveal whatever else Hyunjin’s spouting at her this late at night. 

Honey

They’re telling me my favorite girl is in need of Honey time...

and Pistachio ice cream.                                  Delivered at 3:09 AM

Even though she’s been trying to avoid him as much as possible, Y/N can’t avoid the smile trying to nudge her lips. She barely began to type a response before he shoots another text at her. 

Honey

Before you heartlessly reject me, I’m waiting at the front door. Let me innnnnn

Delivered at 3:11 AM

That’s how after almost failing to creep down the creaky ass townhouse stairs and stubbing her toe on Minnie’s skateboard, she finds a gentle smile and her favorite companion waiting for her.

“Get in here,” She hisses, ignoring his outstretched arms and opting to yank him inside.

“Ouch. Don’t have to be so rough,” He whines a little too loudly.

“Uh, yeah I do. Especially when there’s a dumbass walking around late at night asking to get himself mugged. Or worse, killed.”

“Let them try. You know I could take anyone who tries to come at me,” Posting up, he swings at an invisible opponent, the grocery bag hanging on his wrist making him look ridiculous. 

“Shut up before you wake up the Wicked Witch,” Y/N whispers. 

His gaze trails to the stairs before shaking his head, kicking off his shoes. “We really need to get Minnie ear plugs or something. I’ve spent enough time around to know she’s louder than a boat horn.”

Y/N has to stifle her laughter. He always knows how to pull it out of her, no matter how hard things are. “Come on, loser. Watch your step. The stairs-”

“Creak. Yeah, I know. You act like I haven’t been here before. Are you going to tell me every single time?”

Not even five seconds later, she hears the stairs creak from behind her. Slowly turning back to look at him, she merely shakes her head at the grimace on his face before leading the way.

Once they close the door behind them, she gets her phone to text the roommate group chat. It’s a rule they had implemented when they first moved in together: keep each other in the loop. To maintain a level of respect, they always let each other know what was going on/who they are having over. 

Right as she’s going to hit send, she hesitates. Hovering her thumb over the send button, her eyes peer at Hyunjin. She watches as he observes the wall adjacent to her desk. It’s where she had put up all of her photos when she first moved in. These days, she avoids them considering a lot has changed. She really needed to take some of those pictures down.

Feeling her eyes, he meets her gaze and nods at her in question. Erasing the text, she tosses her phone to her bed before settling at her desk. Instead of facing her notes, she spins the chair to face Hyunjin.

“Honey.”

“Yeah?” He’s still distracted, eyes drawn to the photos but mind somewhere else. What a sight. It’s been a long time since she’s seen him appear so peaceful. She doesn’t want to disrupt that. Unfortunately, she does have an exam she’s studying for and time’s dwindling down. 

All she has to do is tell him she needs to focus. Apologize and tell him he needs to go. Thank him for the ice cream but she really needs to finish studying and get some rest. Reassure him that she’ll call him tomorrow. 

Five minutes later, both of their backs are pressed against the wall beneath the photos, pistachio carton comfortably between them. 

“You know, I used to hate this flavor.”

Y/N glances at him, unbothered at his disruption of the comfortable silence. The spoon rests in his mouth, hands comfortably in his lap. She watches as his right hand twists the metal ring on his left middle finger. Something’s on his mind. 

“I think I remember something like that.”

“Yeah, it used to taste like shit. Whenever you got it, I would wonder who made such a nasty ass flavor. Of all things to make as ice cream, they chose pistachio? They must’ve died a virgin.”

“Wow,” Y/N coughs out a laugh, feeling bad for the inventor of pistachio ice cream. Digging her spoon into the carton, she asks, “What changed your mind?”

“You, of course.” Her eyes snap up to meet Hyunjin’s gaze.

“What?”

“What do you mean, what? I’m telling you the truth.”

They hold their gaze for a moment before Y/N breaks it, spooning the bite into her mouth before pointing the accusatory spoon at Hyunjin. “That’s bullshit.”

“Fine, don’t believe me. Why would I lie about something so stupid?” He tries to ignore her pointed stare before he adds, “I don’t know, I guess it could be taste buds changing the older you get and shit. But it really was your fault.”

“If I take credit for it, then I’m taking credit for changing your life for the better.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” 

An intimate silence falls around them, one that’s distinctly Hyunjin and Y/N. She believes their silence is one of the many reasons they work so well. They never need to fill the silence, not like she does when she’s with Yeji. 

“I’m sorry.”

Y/N swallows the ice cream in her mouth. Licking her lips of the leftover residue, her gaze flickers over to him. He’s trying, that much is obvious. It hurt her to know that she’s being difficult about it all. Even to a stranger, it’d be easy to see she’s avoiding all human contact the moment she heard Chris is back. Her friends are worried about her, yet they respect that she needs time. 

It hurts her to see the plain turmoil written in Hyunjin’s body. He hasn’t stopped fiddling with his ring since they sat down. He has this extremely irritating habit of licking his lips. The act itself isn’t frustrating, it was the after effects of him complaining about his dry lips and begging for her or Yeji’s chapstick. 

“For what?”

He glances at her before looking forward, his smile sad. “I know him being back is tearing you up inside. And there’s nothing I can do.”

“Hey,” she reaches out and pats his thigh, “You being here is all I need. Well, you and pistachio. The pistachio a little bit more.”

“Shut up,” He laughs, shoving her hand off. Letting the moment pass, he grows serious once more. “I mean it when I say I would do anything to take away your pain. Chris may be my friend, but you’re my number one. I would take your pain and double my own in a heartbeat.”

“Aw, Honey,” reaching over, she ruffles his hair. He secretly loves it, smiling when he swats her hand away again, “Thank you.”

He gives her a short nod before looking off to the side. Never one for appraisal, he avoids the topic. Hyunjin admitted once that compliments were  different when it came from Y/N, something along the lines that he knew she was genuine. The thought always makes her sad, so she shoves it aside.

Poking his cheek affectionately, she waits for him to swat her hand once more before leaning her head on his shoulder. 

Any thought of Chris or her calculus exam fades away in the presence of the one person who always knows the right words to make her feel better. In that position, she falls asleep as easy as it is when she’s in her bed back home.

                                                        ~~~~

Y/N doesn’t know how much time has passed. All she knows is her neck is stiff and her body is aching as someone gently shakes her arm.

“Hey. Hey, Y/N. Wake up.” Her eyes shoot open, flinching upright. Scanning her surroundings, she calms down at the sight of Hyunjin beside her. Looking just as exhausted as her, he is waiting on her to respond.

Rubbing at her neck, she sluggishly leans back on the wall, muttering, “What time is it?”

“It’s 5.”

Her eyes shoot open, gawking at him. Even in his sleepy state, he cracks a smile. “5?! Are you messing with me?”

Fumbling for her phone, she swears as she realizes it’s dead. She stumbles to her feet beelining to her desk. 

“Come on, come on,” She chants as she waits for her computer screen to turn on. Sure enough, he was right. It’s just after 5 AM. “Shit!”

“What time’s your class?”

“9! I barely even studied!”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” He utters, distracted by his sleepiness.

“Um, that’s not how this works. If I don’t know the material, I’m guaranteed a failing grade.”

“Relax. It’s going to be fine.” Hyunjin can barely keep his eyes open. Y/N, on the other hand, is as awake as a cat in the middle of the night.

“I’m going to shower and then study some more before class.” She’s talking more to herself than him, because when she’s in this mode, hardly anyone can snap her out of it.

He hums, clearly not paying attention as she rummages through her dresser for clothes. Straightening out, she regards him for a moment before heaving a sigh. “You can sleep in my bed. Just don’t, I don’t know, pee in your sleep.”

“Thanks,” is all he can muster before he sprawls his body across her bed and passes out the moment his head hits the pillow. 

Without a glance, she heads to her bathroom.

                                                        ~~~~

By the time she’s back, it’s around 10:15. Thankfully, she only had one class. She wants to punch herself, though, because she’s running on fumes and has an essay due at midnight tonight. 

Y/N isn’t expecting Hyunjin to still be knocked out in her bed, pausing in the doorway seeing his figure tucked underneath her comforter.

She hovers at the foot of the bed for a moment, watching him. He’s out cold, so she reaches out and shakes his foot to see if he’d wake up. Narrowing her eyes, she silently starts complaining. Why was he born with the ability to sleep so deeply?

Grumbling, she mutters, “At least we know who’d survive if there was an intruder,” grabbing her only other pillow and lying down in the opposite direction. Looking at him one last time, she yawns, “You’re lucky I don’t kick your ass out,” Before slipping asleep as easy as he must’ve. 

                                                        ~~~~

When her eyes flutter open, she senses someone’s looking at her. Holding her head up, she peers at Hyunjin through one eye before letting her head fall back into her pillow. “What time is it?”

“It’s 5.”

“What?” She screams, scrambling up. Y/N’s already up and off the bed before she realizes he’s laughing. Slowly turning her head toward him, her glare doesn’t deter him, only serves to make him laugh even harder. Lying back down, she slugs him in the leg, his giggles turning to gasps through the pain.

“You’re too easy.”

“Yeah, you would be too if you were still half asleep.” With her eyes still closed, she asks him again for the time.

“It’s 1:30. Boy, can we sleep.” Looking over her shoulder at him, she holds back the urge to laugh at his wild hair saying hello to her. “What?”

“Nothing.” As if he read her mind, he tugs and pulls at the strands, patting his hair down. He knows her mind well. 

She doesn’t say anything as she lets herself wake up, and he gives her time. Eventually, they’re both lying there scrolling through their phones. At least, she thinks they are until she glances at him and sees he’s staring off into space.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” his voice is soft, barely audible. Where’s he at? “I think I’m actually going to head out. I have a late class today. I’m going to grab food and then go home and shower.”

“Oh. Okay.” She’s confused at his sudden change up but doesn’t find it suspicious. That is, until he avoids looking at her as he shrugs on his jacket. Awkwardly, she hovers near him as he gathered himself together. “You sure you’re okay?”

Finally, he looks at her. Something’s off and it’s clear as glass in his face. He smiles it off, his tone too bright as he says, “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go.”

They walk down the stairs in silence, her silence one of questions and his, one that’s indecipherable. They pause at the bottom of the steps, grabbing the attention of Chuu who’s lounging on their living room couch.

“Hey, Chuu. Long time no see,” Hyunjin holds up a hand in saluting. She just politely smiles back. 

Y/N opens the front door, suddenly very afraid Hyunjin might tell her something before he leaves. Holding the door open, she watches him closely, looking for any signs of what he’s thinking. His face is void of any clues. 

She holds her breath in anticipation as he steps around her, before smiling and walking out the door. She exhales in relief, not noticing his lingering walk. Opening her mouth, she readies herself to tell him goodbye. He beats her to the punch as he whirls around.

“Jisung is throwing something this weekend.”

Y/N’s heart sinks, crossing her arms as she retreats within herself. Hyunjin’s face falls, knowing all too well what that looks like. “That’s… great.”

“Y/N…”

“I think it’ll be a lot of fun. You’ll have to tell me all about it afterward.” Her hand grips the door and moves to close it, but Hyunjin’s arm jets out to stop it. Stupid baseball pitcher.

“I want you to be there.”

“Oh yeah?” Y/N winces at her loud and fake voice, glancing at Chuu before stepping outside. Hyunjin’s eyes are pleading, his palms showing as if he’s offering her a truce. That’s the thing. It isn’t his responsibility or his place to offer that to her. 

She doesn’t know if he’s playing dumb or if he thinks he’s some hero, but he isn’t miraculously going to fix the damage done. No one, not even Chris himself, can convince her otherwise.

“Tell me something, Hyunjin. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No…”

“Then do you think I’d really show up to something I know he’ll be at?”

“Well, the party is for him.”

“Don’t be a smartass,” She shakes her head, taking a step back. “If all everyone is going to do is try and push me to make an effort, news flash. It’s too late for that. Maybe that’s what you guys should’ve been doing right before he left.” 

Hyunjin opens his mouth, but she holds up her hand, silencing him. 

“Have fun at the party,” Trying to hide her disappointment in him, Hyunjin’s hurt expression is the last thing she sees before closing the front door. 

Staring at the door, she follows the curves and swirls in the wood, all together but never touching. 

“Are you okay?” Her eyes find Chuu, her wide and innocent eyes regarding her with so much kindness, her own flood with tears.

“I don’t think I am, Chuu.”

❁     ❁     ❁    ❁     ❁     ❁     ❁

Day 8, Then

To Y/N, there wasn’t a form of satisfaction quite as fulfilling as turning in an assignment. It was even more satisfying, considering her major wasn’t the easiest one out there. The way life goes, when one stress disappears, another one takes its place. 

Trying to ignore the boiling pot of emotions brewing inside of her, she kept her mind as blank as it could be as she packed her duffel bag with clothes for the weekend. She used anything that flitted across her mind and snatched onto it, anything to distract her. 

She hoped she did well on the statistics exam she just took yesterday. Studying wasn’t too bad, so she could bear to have a little confidence. Eating lunch with Yeji today was a relief. She thought they might’ve been on bad terms since their last conversation, but everything was normal. 

Hyunjin had kind of been M.I.A, but they had been texting normally so she wasn’t too concerned. 

As she was gathering her toiletries from the bathroom door, she heard keys jingling in the dorm door before it clicked open. Low voices filtered out from the hall as Chuu entered.

“Y/N?” 

“In here!” She finished grabbing everything before walking out, “Aren’t you supposed to be in class-” Just as she finished her sentence, both Chuu and Hyunjin turned to watch her walk out. He took in her presence before his usual honey smile found his lips. “Hey!”

Stepping forward, he did his signature greeting: arms around her, lifting her off the floor, ending with a sweet smile. “Hey.”

“To answer your question, I got out early. Now I can get back to the beautiful Rio and the yummy Profesor. Mmmm,” Chuu said dreamily, Hyunjin’s face scrunching up in confusion while Y/N laughed. 

Walking over to her bed, the sight of her duffel slammed her back down into reality. Avoiding Hyunjin’s gaze, she stuck her toiletries in her bag before zipping it up.

“Are you leaving somewhere?”

“I’m going home for the weekend.”

“Oh shit, I didn’t know,” Hyunjin’s tone changed. That’s why she didn’t want him to know, “How are you getting there?”

“Mom’s picking me up,” Stop. Block it out. Distraction, anything. Turning to Hyunjin, she quickly shifted the subject. “What’s up? You didn’t text me and tell me you were coming over.”

Hyunjin tilted his head, deciding to let her dismissiveness go for the time being. She was thankful. “I figured you were going to be pouring your energy out over some assignment. I was wrong.”

She was supposed to laugh, but she couldn’t find the energy. He noticed, but didn’t press. Instead, he gently knocked his knuckles into her chin, to tell her chin up. It eased her heart, as it always did.

“Actually, I was dropping by to tell you about a little get together we’re having this weekend. Not sure if you remember, but we mentioned our friend Chris? His birthday is in a couple days so next weekend we’re all going to an arcade. There’s this deal they’re doing this month with pizza and endless gameplay.”

She blinked in surprise. He read her mind.

“What? Arcades are fun no matter how old we are. And Chris loves shit like that. It’s going to be a blast.”

“Are you sure he won’t mind me being there? I mean, I’ve never even met him.”

Hyunjin sat on her desk chair, back facing him. Drumming a beat on his thighs, he shook his head, “Trust me, he’s the last person to mind.”

“O-kay,” Y/N turned away, packing her backpack with school stuff she would need for the weekend, “I’ll see. If I don’t have too much homework, I’ll go.”

“Thanks,” A look passed over his face, making her pause, before he uttered, “At least you’re supportive and willing to give my friends a chance. Unlike Yeji.”

She didn’t know what to say. Yeji had actually said something to him. Unbelievable. “Are you two good?”

“I guess.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever. You know how she is.”

“Yeah.” Their silence was a symbol of their mutual understanding. Many people would never be able to fathom the bond the three of them had. Their friendship was a treehouse they had grown and built themselves, no one else had access to the inside.

She jumped when Hyunjin reached around her and shouldered her duffel bag. Searching his eyes, she imagined what he was thinking. Perhaps he was wondering why his cousin was making his life difficult. Y/N wished she had the solution and hoped Yeji would come around- though in all the years they’d known each other, she was as stubborn as a hangnail.

“I’ll walk you down.”

“Okay.”

                                                       ~~~~

The wave of suffocation that washed over her was hard to shake off as she stepped into her childhood home. It was and it always had been her sanctuary. The same living room, the same kitchen, the same dining room table with mismatched chairs from different sets over the years. The same family photos scattered about, the same stains in the carpet. The same love in her heart for her parents. 

Except it would never be the same. 

Right after her high school graduation a few months ago, her parents told her that her dad wasn’t well. It wasn’t a cold, a flu, it wasn’t something he would get over in a month or two. It was something bigger than life itself, one that could command death with the clap of its hands. 

She hated it with every single fiber of her being.

How could one illness dictate the paintings of memories? Now, she didn’t look at family photos of her and her dad and feel joy, only pain for a memory not tainted yet? When she smelled their laundry detergent in the air, she wondered if it would cover up her father’s scent in the unforeseeable future. It was morbid, it was suffocating. 

Her sanctuary became her prison overnight.

“Your dad’s lying down in the room. If you want, you can bring him a snack,” Her mom suggested, Y/N nodding as she swallows the pool ball in her throat. She tried to ignore the paleness to her mother’s skin. Eyes bloodshot, body sluggish from lack of sleep. An alternate reality of the woman she once knew. 

Her mom disappeared into the kitchen as Y/N shakily took off her shoes. This wasn’t the first time she had been home since she moved on campus, but she wasn’t used to the shift in her home. She probably never would be. 

Just as she placed her bags down, her mom reappeared with her dad’s favorite snacks: Ritz crackers and sliced up cheese. In her other hand, a glass of orange juice. 

“Thanks, mom,” Y/N didn’t recognize her own voice. She pretended not to hear the crack. Her mom ignored it, too.

“He’s going to be so happy to see you. All day, he’s been talking about you coming home.”

The words were a smack across the face-no, they were a hand reaching into her chest and breaking her ribs in half. 

Her mind blanked. 

And then she was in front of him. He was physically smaller than who used to be, his face pale and his hair greasy, but his spirit was just as scorching. His eyes were trained out the window, lips pursed in thought. His body might’ve been worn down, but his spirit would always be as bright as a fury.

She fought the urge to cry. Setting the glass down alerted him of her presence. At the sight of that same old smile she knew too well, all of her pain was washed away. 

“Y/N, my girl. You’re home!”

“Hey, dad.”

His hugs were still strong, encasing her and letting her know she was safe.They talked for a bit, her heart swelling as she watched him eat his crackers. He asked her about school, he told her about what he’d been watching on tv these days. They even sidetracked and chatted about the new cars set to release this year. Hardly anyone knew it besides her best friends, but her and her dad shared even the smallest things in common- like their interest in cars. 

When he invited her to watch a movie, she sat beside him on the bed and took a cracker when he offered. He put on some cringe comedy that they both made fun of, which is what really made them laugh.

There wasn’t any true remedy to her stress, to her unhappiness, like being home was. And her dad? Laughter was as natural as breathing when she was with him. Halfway through the movie, her mom joined them. She pretended she was okay just like her mom did, but with her dad cracking jokes it was easier to keep up the facade. 

Once the end credits rolled, her eyes trailed to her dad. His eyes were distant, elsewhere. With one glance, she was reminded of a reality she hated. Noticing her staring, he shook it off and smiled beneath his moustache. 

“Your dinner is in the microwave, Y/N,” Her mom told her. Y/N took that as a chance to breathe, standing up slowly. Right before she made it out the door, her dad called for her.

“Before I forget, here,” He shuffled through his bedside table before finding what he was looking for. Her mouth worked on its own, rejecting what he was clearly doing as he pulled out money from his wallet. The stern hush from him silenced her protests. “I want you to remember to treat yourself. I know how you get when you’re stressed. You don’t give yourself time to breathe. So treat yourself with this money, okay?”

“Dad…”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

                                                       ~~~~

Several hours later, Y/N awoke from her already restless sleep. Her head was throbbing, her eyes puffy and nose runny, so she sluggishly made her way to the bathroom and cleaned herself up before deciding to go get some water. Quietly, she went down the stairs and turned the lights on in the kitchen. 

She didn’t spend that much time in the kitchen, not anymore. Whenever she was home now, she wasn’t very hungry. 

Just as she reached the halfway mark of her glass, her dad’s voice startled her and made her spill the rest all over her shirt. Her shock quickly dissolved into amusement as he tried not to laugh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry,” She side-eyed him as he slowly made his way to the dining table. She knew he would get upset if she offered to help him. “What are you doing awake?”

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?” She asked, dreading the answer but asking nonetheless. 

“The past,” He casually said, his eyes elsewhere once more. “Actually, I was thinking about when you were little.”

Y/N froze with her hands on the banana she had just taken off the bunch. She must’ve looked ridiculous, frozen like that. It was a good thing it was only her and her dad there, then. “Oh yeah?” She needed to get a handle on this. “What were you thinking of, exactly?”

He smiled to himself, then, and as he began to tell her a story, his voice coaxed her into the past.

“You had to have been six or seven, maybe eight. I had gotten off work early and decided to get you out of school early, too. You were so happy, not to see me, but to be out. Back then, you weren’t so wound tight about your studies, you know,” He teased her then, pointing a finger at her, “You wanted to be a grizzly bear when you grew up. Well, that day, when I was buckling you into your carseat you kept on saying, ‘Daddy, I’m so happy you’re here! You’re here! I’m so happy! Thank you, Daddy!’ I mean, I was your hero all because I picked you up early.

“After grabbing lunch, we were walking around the mall. Usually, you asked for candy or if we walked past a toy store, you wanted everything in it. That day was different. We walked past one of those off-brand shoe stores. You set your eyes on the most different pair of shoes I’ve ever seen. I mean, they were bright orange with blue shoelaces! And on each shoe, there was a drawing of a red bear.”

He paused in the story, and she looked away at the sight of his shining eyes. Laughing to himself, he continued. 

“You said, ‘Daddy! That’s me! I’m a bear! Can we get those shoes? Please?’ I pretended to think about my answer, but I knew I was going to get whatever was at the end of the most pure adoration on your face.” Y/N blinked, realizing the story was over. They soaked in the feeling together, the ticking of the clock on the wall the only sound filling the kitchen. Except, it wasn’t the only sound. Even if she didn’t remember what he was talking about, she could picture those shoes as if she still wore them.

“Let’s go to bed, Dad.”

He nodded, both of them looking at each other and wishing they could rewind time. He, for nostalgia. She, to avoid the pain. 

“Come on,” He said, wrapping his arms around her shoulder and kissing the crown of her head, steering her out the kitchen. 

When she made it back to bed, she found it easier to fall asleep. Chest lighter, she seized the opportunity to ignore all of the overwhelming heartache that seeped into her skin whenever she was home. 

> Part One <

> Part Three <

[holylulusworld]

Missed Opportunities – Part 3

Summary: Reader met Sam at Stanford. They were friends until Sam chose another girl over her. Years later the Winchesters need her help for a hunt.

Pairing: Sam x Reader, Dean

Warnings: language, angst, lies, monster of the week, flirty Dean, arguments, the ugly truth, implied characters death

Missed Opportunities Masterlist

Two weeks later…

“Still no trace. Fuck. I really hate witches.” You mutter.

“Sorry. I know you had another case,” Sam says.

“It’s okay, Dean is a friend. He got hurt and needs help.”

“I thought you don’t do friendship.”

“Well, I lied.”

A small smile on his face Sam sits down next to you. Checking your files you can’t find any trace for witch activities in the last weeks. Odd. Normally you should find at least some uncommon happenings.

“Are you sure it was a witch? I can’t find anything.”

“Yeah. I’m sure. Dean is sure too. Do you think we don’t know our job?” Sam asks trying to hide the lie in his words.

“Didn’t say that Winchester. All I’m saying is that I can’t find any evidence for witch activities.”

“Maybe she’s smarter than other witches? We could check that other case first and try to find her after that.”

“I guess we got no other choice. If we can’t find her, we can’t kill her. So, what about the other case? What are we dealing with Sam?”

“Looks like a vamp. Killed pairs. They have bite marks at their necks and arms. Lost almost their whole blood.”

“Pairs?”

“Yeah. Seems like they are going after pairs. Four pairs found dead. Another male victim was found weeks ago. His girlfriend is still missing.”

“I guess they turned her then.”

“I think so too. She was different. Rosalia…she was a hunter. Her boyfriend wasn’t.”

“They turned one of us? Now I really want to kill them. How did they get hold of her? I mean if she was a hunter…”

“Her boyfriend,” Sam whispers.

“Oh…those bastards used her boyfriend to get hold of her. We really need to kill those vamps. Is Dean alright? Can he hunt again?”

“Dean is tough. He’s always ready for a fight, Y/N.” Standing behind you Sam leans over your shoulder to look at your laptop.

Hands placed next to yours on the table he brushes his fingers over yours and you flinch. Moving your hand away you hear him heavily sigh behind you.

“I will ask Dean if he’s ready,” Sam says before leaving your room.

----

“I shall what?”

“Sam and you need to play a pair. Those guys already know me as an FBI Agent, Y/N. I can’t enter the party with my hot girlfriend.”

“Uh-huh. You think I’m hot?”

“Yes, you are more than hot. I can’t understand why Sam chose Jess over you back then,” Dean says.

“Can we not talk about that shit? I’m asking me the same question for years. I always wanted to know why I wasn’t good enough for Sam. Why he did this to me. I felt like a loser for years. Every time someone said I’m pretty or that he likes me I didn’t believe him because of Sam.”

“Maybe you should ask him?”

“To hear more excuses? It was Brady’s fault or Jessica’s? Brady was a demon. He did what demons do, manipulating. Jessica was in love with Sam, of course, she wanted him to stay away from me. In the end, it was Sam’s decision, Dean. Not Brady’s nor Jessica’s.”

“I don’t know. The way he talks about you…he really liked you. Suddenly his feelings were cut off. Maybe Brady manipulated him back then?”

“No, Dean. I was just not the perfect girlfriend like Jessica. I was not enough.”

“Uh…he admitted you were the best sex of his life,” Dean blurs out and you turn crimson.

“I don’t think so. I barely knew what I did.”

“Well, Sammy says you and him…the whole night…”

“Can we stop talking about my sex life or rather the lack of it? We should concentrate on the case, Dean. Not on a way how you can seduce me to spread my legs for Sam again.”

“I didn’t try something like that. I just thought you two are a nice pair. There are still feelings between the two of you. Give it a try. Talk to him. You can still kick his ass if he messes up again.”

“I prefer kicking his ass.”

“But right now, you need to wear that dress and go to the party with Sam. I will be there too.”

“Great. I hate dresses. I can barely hide my weapons wearing that dress,” you mutter.

“You got two Winchesters to protect you. Nothing will happen to you, Y/N. Sam would never let anyone hurt you.”

“As he already hurt me more than anyone else ever could.”

“Sorry. I know he messed up epically. You are right. Let’s concentrate on the case.”

----

“How does that look?” You ask Dean. Fumbling with the seam of the short dress you look down at you.

“You look stunning. If Sammy wouldn’t kill me, I would try to hit on you so hard that you get dizzy.” Dean chuckles.

“Where is Sam?”

“Bathroom. Changing his clothes.”

“Okay. Where do I hide my weapon now?” You mutter.

“Y/N you are the weapon. I mean your body is a killer.” Dean says wiggling his eyebrows.

“If you don’t stop, I need to slap your ass, Winchester!”

“Just telling the truth!”

“Dean!” Sam warns and your breath hitches in your throat.

Sam is wearing a black suit and a tie his shaggy hair is falling lose into his face. His scruffy cheeks make him look manly.

“We should get ready, I guess.” You say while Sam eyes you up and down.

Licking his lips, he nervously plays with his fingers.

-----

“You look beautiful,” Sam whisper. Holding your hand, he leads you into the building. As soon as you enter the large room you scan your surroundings.

“I don’t look beautiful.” You grunt.

“Believe me you are the most beautiful girl in this room.”

“I’m not a girl and I’m not beautiful. Stop trying to charm me, Samuel. This won’t work.”

“It worked once.”

“You really want to go there, Sam?”

“I’m sorry but you look stunning in that dress. It’s the truth. You are beautiful.”

“Not beautiful enough for someone like you.”

“That’s not true, Y/N.”

“Really? And why did you choose her and not me? You loved to talk to me and thought I’m beautiful so why wasn’t I enough? What was so special about her? Was she better in bed? Smarter? Did she kinky stuff with you? What was it that made you love her and not me?”

“Can we not talk about that now?” Sam mutters.

“No. I want to know now! Tell me right now what made her so special?”

“You don’t want to know. I can’t tell you. You won’t understand and get mad.”

“Was she prettier…better in bed?”

“No, I can assure you that wasn’t the reason. I swear.”

“Smarter?”

“Y/N no one was smarter than you. Please. I can’t tell you…yet. Give me a bit time to make you see how much you mean to me before I tell you the truth.”

“Fine. If you don’t want to tell me…forget it.”

----

Walking around with Sam holding your hand anger is boiling up your stomach.

What is Sam hiding from you? Why is he avoiding telling you the reason for leaving you?

“You can tell me the truth. I’m a grown woman. I know I can’t compare with girls like Jessica. I was never like those girls. I don’t know why I tried to live a normal life. I cut all ties to stop hunting.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. Bobby was happy for me. He understood that I want to try to live a normal life. Doing normal things.”

“And your family?”

“After my sisters’ death, they weren’t the same anymore. Years later when my dad died, I got to know he was a hunter too. That werewolf was after me and my sister as he killed his pack.”

“I’m sorry.”

Shrugging you look around the room. No one is suspicious so far.

“My mom told me so. She was a hunter too. They wanted to keep us out of this life. That’s the reason my sister and I didn’t know about all the shit that’s out there. When I decided to go to college and stop hunting my mom started hunting alone…she died while I…”

“Huh?”

“The night we…she called me for backup I didn’t hear it as I was busy…”

“Oh, no. Don’t tell me it was the night we had sex.”

“I wanted to tell you, but you kept your distance. I needed my friend, but you didn’t answer my calls. The day you called me back I was happy. I thought I finally have someone I can tell what happened but then…”

“I told you that I’m with Jessica.”

“Hmm…I didn’t know you are a hunter, that your dad and brother are hunters too. I just needed someone to talk to. I thought I can tell you everything. I was wrong…terrible wrong.”

“The reason you disappeared for a while was your mom’s death?”

“I had to arrange a hunter’s burial and I wanted to find the monster.”

“I thought you stopped hunting.”

“I tried. During my time at Stanford, I only killed one vamp as he attacked my roommate. I had to kill him.”

“Oh…” Remembering the night he saw you killing the vamp Sam swallows hard. It was the night after he took your virginity…

“When did you leave Stanford?”

“My mom died and you…when the fire happened, I already packed my stuff and wanted to leave. I had to hunt the monster down. Then I heard about Jess and the fire and stayed to investigate it.”

“So, you lied about your reasons.”

“You didn’t deserve the truth. Sam be honest. You wouldn’t have cared at all. Let’s find the vamp and stop talking about the past. You found someone better and that’s it.”

“I need to tell you something. You won’t like it Y/N.”

“Do you really believe you can disappoint me even more? I don’t think so, Winchester.”

“I saw you. That night. When you killed the vamp I was on my way to your dorm. I saw you killing the vamp and knew you are a hunter.”

“You knew? Why didn’t you say something?”

“The reason I kept my distance was…you were a hunter. I was out of this life.”

“And you thought I would drag you back in? I was out too! What if I would’ve been a normal girl? Would you have let me die?”

“No.”

“See. That’s the reason I killed the vamp. My roommate would’ve been killed.”

“You don’t understand. I thought that my dad sent you to have an eye on me. I thought John sent you to spend time with me and tell him about me.”

“Are you kidding me? You thought I’m a spy? You thought I had sex with you to get information? That’s … oh my god, you really thought so low about me? That I would’ve wasted my first time for something like that?”

“I thought you lied about being a virgin!”

“You asshole! This is…oh god…I didn’t even know your father! How could I have been a spy for him? I thought you are smart but you’re the dumbest guy in the universe. I can’t believe I let you touch me!”

“Shit. I thought you would feel better knowing it wasn’t your look or uh…the sex.”

“You gave me the boot for what I’m, you asshole! Do you think this is better?”

“Please. I was hurt and thought all you said about the feelings for me was one big lie.”

“Whoa…now I’m an actress. Maybe I faked my orgasms too? Right? I mean obviously, I faked my virginity, my love to you…shit…I’m such a fool.”

“I’m sorry. Back then I only wanted to break free. Wanted to stay out of this life. I thought you and dad try to bring me back into the hunter’s life. I was wrong and I can tell you enough how sorry I’m for acting like a douche.”

“I don’t have words for you. I thought you loved Jessica. Instead, you just kicked me out of your life for nothing. Instead of asking me you decided to drop me.”

“I’m terribly sorry. After hearing what happened to your mom, I feel like the worst guy ever.”

“I wanted to stay out of the hunter’s life too. Maybe I would’ve made it with you by my side. After what happened to my mom… But then you left me too and I had nothing else in my life so I …”

“Started hunting again…”

“Let’s investigate the case and stop talking. I don’t think I want to know more. After that case, I will leave. You don’t want a huntress in your life.” With that, you let go of his hand.

Sam’s eyes are glued to your back. Not seeing the vamp coming he feels pain shooting to his skull. All the other guests ignore the man dragging Sam out of the room.

When you turn around you wonder. Sam is gone…

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster-deactivat, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom, @thewinchesterco, @hobby27, @kittycatlover18, @gh0stgurl​, @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @hawaiianohana15​, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @katpatrova17, @notyourtypicalrose​ , @heyitscam99, @onethingthatkeepsmealive, @natura1phenomenon​, @flamencodiva, @echoesofpassion, @cocklesbelli, @anushay1998​, @voltage-my2dlove​, @wayward-gabriel, @fandom-princess-forevermore​, @thenamelesschibi​, @lauravic​, @fandomsrourlives​

Missed Oportunities

@missmarrinette, @bitchwhytho

[lilmaymayy]

SHUT UP THIS IS LIKE LIFE CHANGING WOSJBSIRJ EEEEEKKK

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/739562902099492864/the-panic-attack-please-im-cackling-jdjdjdj-it

also he would feel so bad😭😭 the fetishise ask thing got me thinking. imagine she lies or pretends she’s not a virgin at first just bc guys are super weird when they find out ab it, so she does that just as a protection thing/to get weird guys off her back. so Peter doesn’t know & imagine they’re making out or whatever but he’s super quick with it and suddenly there’s a dick in front of her and she starts panicking JAHAHAHAAHA

I csnt stop laughing picturing this. he’d be so confused but so worried HABABA

*cleaning out my inbox* an: this is not our trouble/reader. this is an au with our peter!

you got a little too far into it. in your defense, your friends told you instinct would take over and you’d just fall into it and you’d do anything when you’re horny and in the moment.

but right now, in this moment, you’re panicking because someone other than you is taking your shirt off, and someone other than you is touching your breasts.

you got this, you can handle this. you’ve made it this close, what’s a litter closer? you could finally get it over with, and with a guy that’s astronomically hot. god was giving you a chance and you weren’t about to fuck it up.

you can handle being tossed to the bed, you can handle warm palms cupping your ass, you can handle a brush of his core into yours. you can handle peter taking off his pants, you can handle peter… peter… he’s-

peter’s got a big dick, and it’s coming right at your virgin body, and you can’t handle this. how are you supposed to lie your way out of this? or was it into this?

it doesn’t matter, he’s going to know the second he tries to put it in. fuck, is he going to put it in? yes, that’s how sex works- okay, fuck, shut up!

peter’s got a gleam in his eye, how fucked were you about to make things? you’re the one that came onto him and now you’re freaking out because there’s a real deal penis and real deal sex situation happening and you have no idea what to do.

‘that’s a penis.’ your hands clasp over your mouth, it was the least sexiest thing you could say and it shows on peter’s face.

‘i’ve…’ you swallow hard and feel everything in you ignite, you’re praying to any god listening he just takes you out of your misery right then and there. isn’t premarital sex a sin? you should be burnt at the stake.

‘i’ve never seen one before.’

‘oh, jesus christ.’ a shuffle, it’s out of your sight and you can’t begin to explain the relief. you stare down at your hands, if you didn’t have to walk by peter, you’d be out of his room in a second.

you peek up at a flash in the corner of your eye, your shirt was outstretched and pushed into your hold. ‘if you can’t see mine, i can’t see yours.’ your chest doesn’t feel as tight, he’s not mad, just a little thrown off.

‘i’m sorry.’ you’re still shy when you meet his eyes, even if you’re fully clothed. ‘but like, i didn’t tell you i wasn’t a virgin.’

peter crosses his arms over his chest. ‘and you didn’t tell me you were until it got too real.’ he’s right, your shoulders slump, isn’t it just embarrassing? not even the lying, just the fact you’re in college and you’re still a virgin.

‘i just thought it could get it out of the way, i don’t know.’

peter scoffs, ‘well, you don’t do it like this.’

does that mean he’s off the table, did you shoot too high? ‘so, you don’t have sex with virgins?’

‘it’s not in my day to day schedule, no.’

‘you’ve never taken a girls virginity?’

‘did i say that?’

‘no.’ it’s unsettled emotion, it’s the only reason you huff and cross your arms at him. yes, make this his fault.

‘i thought you’d be the perfect candidate, but i guess not. i didn’t know frat boys actually cared this much.’ if peter wasn’t going to kick you out before, he would now. you offended him.

‘the fuck? sex is a whole different ball game when you’re a virgin. you don’t know that yet, i do. it’s my job to make sure you’re comfortable and have a good time, that wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t tell me.’

you started something, he wasn’t stopping.

‘i’m not saying there aren’t guys like that out there-that’ll do what you want, but it’s not me. if you want to get it over with like that, fine. but i’m not doing it in one night.’

you naw on your bottom lip, if you got this far what’s one more question? ‘so, would you?’

‘would i what?’ you chew harsher, it was easier to just pretend you were a virgin. you shouldn’t never stopped him. ‘take my virginity.’ you spit the words, before he could try to repeat himself, ‘i mean, at your speed or whatever.’

peter has a series of emotions run through his mind, they all tell him it’s a bad idea. the heightened emotions, the awkwardness, the whole hurt thing, he just never really thought he’d have to go through it again.

‘you don’t know me.’ it should be more than enough, but you counteract him. ‘i know. that’s kind of why i chose you.’

a deep inhale, ‘you baited me? was this your plan?’ you try to clear the idea with your hands. ‘no, no, no! the plan was to not tell you but then i got scared. but since you already know… you know?’

‘no.’

you drop your head into your hands, everything is getting worse. you should’ve went through with it. ‘everything is awful and i want to die. i’m so sorry, peter. we can just forget this ever happened and if you see me around campus, no you don’t.’

you try to paint yourself invisible, instead you get a half earnest sigh from peter. ‘alright, look, you’re fine. it’s fine. you’re actually… strides ahead than i was when i was a virgin, okay?’

of course he says that, he’s already been through it. ‘but im too old to be a virgin!’

‘pft, what? no. have you seen 40 year old virgin?’ you cry out into your hands, ‘im not steve carell!’ you really had to pick a man? was that really the only option you had?

‘be honest with me, the pathetic virgin-‘

‘stop.’

‘- if i do this with another guy will he know?’ you hold on tight for the answer, it’s not long, it’s immediate. ‘yes.’ you’re not sure if he’s just saying that so you don’t throw off another guy.

‘no, seriously. would he-‘

‘yes.’ you exhale a ‘fuck.’ game over, if you really wanted this, you’d actually have to find someone to date you. that sounds like actual hell.

since you’re already in the pits, ‘peter?’ a hum, you finally blink up at him. ‘are you sure you won’t do it?’ you watch him take a solid breath, his next words chosen articulately.

‘when did i say i wouldn’t?’

you explode in a smile, you were right, you chose the right person. ‘you will? like, you’re gonna make me not a virgin?’

peter thinks- no, knows it’s a bad idea, but you’re going to do it regardless and he knows he’s better than a majority of guys on campus. he’d actually make sure you’re safe and comfortable. was he really about to do all the first steps with someone he didn’t know?

yeah. he was.

‘yes. i’ll take your virginity.’