#just how like...when you're at your worst and how your self deprecating thoughts NEVER help and will always dig you deeper and deeper

[purplestanleypinkblanket]

First Kiss With Logan:

Pairings: (DP3 Vers.) Logan Howlett x reader

Summary: After a shitty date, you seek comfort from Wade who threw you a ‘Cherry Popped’ party. It ends up making you feel worse, which leads you into the arms of a man who’s grown fond of you. Logan.

Warnings: Kissing, talking about bad date, cursing, brief mentions of drinking, innuendos to "cherry popping", use of the word virgin. Self-deprecating talk in some areas, from both reader and Logan.

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 2,388

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You hated that you found yourself, seated across from a man who, frankly, hadn't asked you a single question about yourself all night. You also hated how much this man yapped. God, all he did was talk and talk without even the slightest breath. And you hated that you continued to stay seated. Perhaps you were too kind, or maybe you thought you had no right to leave. After all, the man was buying you dinner. It was hard to shake that kind of guilt. You knew you owed him nothing, that it's okay to leave a shitty date- but a part of you wondered if this was all you had going for you. A shitty date, with a shitty man on a shitty afternoon.

As you spaced out your thoughts drifted back to Logan, you wondered if dates with him were like this. What if they weren't? What if he was kind? Well, slightly kinder than normal. He didn't strike you as the pull-your-chair-out-for-you kinda guy, but you had a feeling he would ask you questions instead of yapping your ear off. Maybe he would ask about your day at work, or what you like to do in your free time. Possibly he'd like to hear funny stories about your family. No, that felt too intimate for a first date. Maybe on a third date you'd share those stories with him.

God, what are you even on about right now? You're on a date with a man buying you dinner and you're thinking about Logan! As your eyes looked over the man, you finally tuned back into what he was saying.

"My ex was fucking crazy! That bitch-"

Aaanndd, you lost interest immediately. The more this dude spoke, the more of a dick he sounded. You couldn't help but feel thankful when the date ended. However, the chime of your phone caught your attention during the walk back to your apartment.

'Hey, sugar tits.' Wade's text read. 'Come over, we're celebrating you getting your cherry popped!' That dick knew you weren't a virgin, he just wanted a damn reason to celebrate. What better way to celebrate then partying over your friend not getting laid? It was a cruel joke you really weren't in the mood for but the image of Logan blowing up balloons with Blind Al, a smile just barely tugging at his usually grumpy face...it was hard to say no too. And Wade knew that- its why he sent you the picture after all.

"Fucking dick." You murmured to yourself as you wrapped your cardigan around you tighter, pushing the front door to Wade's apartment open as you did so. The sight was ridiculous, balloons, streamers, wall decor, banners that read 'Pop That Cherry!' draped off the ceiling. You took a mental note to punch Wade in his smart-ass lip later. But, for now, it was nice being in the comfort of your friends. Yes, even the snarky teenager Negasonic and her girlfriend. You were a teenage girl once, but it still didn't stop you getting annoyed when she nitpicked your outfits. It isn't your fault baggy sweaters and legging were literally a godsent.

You trudged your way through the crowded apartment, hand adjusting your white sweater to cover the tank top under it a little better. As you approached Logan and Wade, you grew more aware of the length of your skirt. Was it too long? Too short? Would Logan think it looked good? God, why did you even care what Logan Howlett, labeled the worst wolverine, thought of you? You didn't think he was the worst wolverine. You'd never say it, of course not, because then he'd know you actually liked being around him! Perhaps it was selfish of you to keep yourself so guarded around him, but you couldn't shake the fear of letting down your walls and risking getting hurt. It was scary. Losing that much control. And over what, a feeling?

A hand extending towards you caught your attention, it was Logan, offering you a drink.

"Thank you." You spoke to him, voice quiet compared to the blaring pop music Wade was playing. He grunted in response, but you swear you heard a 'you're welcome.' You brought it to your lips, casually slow sipping the alcohol over the course of the night. It was fun to dance with Vanessa as Wade and Peter tried to convince Logan to join the group. You couldn't help the laugh on your lips when Wade made a snarky comment about Logan's panties being in a twist, earning a threatening unsheathing of claws from logan. You never fully understood the shame Logan felt, even though you tried incredibly hard to. To you, he was amazing, he was strong, he was...well, to say you only admired him would be a lie.

You wished you could show Logan the way you saw him, the way the world saw him. Sure, he was hot, unnecessarily hot, with large biceps and shoulders that went for days. But he was more than that. He was a grump who pushed people away out of fear of hurting them. And to prevent himself from getting hurt. It was ironic, really. Perhaps you and him were more alike than you thought. After a while in the overstimulating party, you slipped away, moving to stand on the balcony. You hadn't been there long, probably thirty minutes? It was nice, listening to your friend's party as you took a break to look at the city.

"Thought I'd find you here." Logan's rough voice spoke as he walked out onto the balcony, shutting the door behind him.

You hummed in response, flashing him a smile as you looked away. Logan could feel his heart skip a beat at your smile- it was always nice when you graced him with it. He'd give anything to see you smile. Hell, he wished he could make you smile and laugh the way Wade and Vanessa did. They matched your morbid sarcastic humor easily. Something he struggled to do. He approached you, leaning onto the railing beside you.

"Congrats on the...uh..."

"I'm not a virgin."

"Oh..."

The silence was awkward between you. You had to purse your lips to prevent you from bursting out in a laugh. You found it hilarious how just one statement suddenly made him go quiet.

"Wade had-" You spoke, trying to stifle your laugh with your hand. "Wade thought it would be funny to throw a 'cherry popped' party because it's been forever since my last date." You revealed, not able to contain your laugh any longer. "It's actually kinda sweet. In a weird way, ya know, Wades weird way." The corners of Logan's mouth lifted slightly at the sound of your laugh. It had always been his favorite sound after meeting you.

"Guess so." Logan contributed to the conversation, bringing the glass beer bottle to his lips. You looked at logan watching as he looked over the city, your eyes analyzing him. His jaw, his hair, the crow's feet by his eyes from his constant state of scowling. Maybe it was the liquid courage you had drank. Or you finally just decided to give Logan a sense of affection. You loved to shower your friends with affection, often times holding Wade as you two watched tv, or Vanessa sitting on your lap as you gossiped. Logan had seen it plenty of times. God, sometimes you even gave Peter affection. Each time he felt a twinge of jealousy, he wanted to be the object of your affectionate touches. Or the way you murmured praise directed at them after a task- he wanted that.

Your hand reached up, gently soothing out some strands of his beard that were in disarray. Logan tensed under your touch, and you immediately pulled away, guilt and embarrassment swarming you.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." You adamantly apologized, face heating up.

"Don't worry about it." Logan roughly said, silently regretting the way you withdrew so quickly. He watched as you tried to subtly put some distance between the two of you- the sting of rejection clear as day on your face. He hadn't meant to reject you; you were reading too much into it. His mind sidetracked as he looked away, maybe he was the one reading too much into it? "How was your date?" He settled on asking, bringing the beer to his lips.

"Shitty." You sighed, frowning.

Logan nodded, waiting for you to continue. Silence falls between you two and he flashed you an expectant glance. You hadn't realized he wanted you to keep talking until he looked at you.

"Oh, uh, there isn't really much to say." You shrugged, looking away. "He didn't ask any questions, just talked about himself the whole time. Was super annoying too." Logan couldn't help the satisfaction that welled in his chest upon hearing your defeated words. It sucked for you, of course it did. But Logan was so glad the date was bad- that way no one could come in, sweep you off your feet, and away from him. He hadn't made a move on you, and he couldn't decide if he ever would. He didn't want to risk hurting you like he had done the others he cared for.

However, the glance of tiredness in your expression when you had looked at him momentarily...he hated it. He hated himself for being so happy your date was bad, and he hated that he wasn't the one you wanted to sweep you off your feet.

"Like...it isn't hard to make a girl feel special. To make her feel like a princess." You laughed with a shake of your head. "I dunno, maybe I'm just expecting too much?" You looked at Logan as you asked, a need for reassurance present.

Logan stared at you; brows furrowed as he analyzed you. The scowl on his features prominent. Believing you had said too much, or you annoyed him with your ramblings, an apology escaped your lips.

"Fuck, sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Princess." Logan's comment snapped you from your rushed apology. "Relax." He had taken that brave step closer to you, facing you fully as his side and arm holding the beer leaned against the balcony railing. He was glad you were comfortable enough to unload that on him and he was determined to keep it that way. "I don't mind." You looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed, lips slightly pursed as your mind ran. That was another thing he liked about you. It was so easy to tell if you were thinking. Your eyebrows always furrowed, your lips pursed into a line, and your eyes always spoke a thousand words.

Despite his better judgement, his hand rose, gently flattening the skin between your eyebrows. The gesture was small, yet it held so much intimacy. You had always been picky about who could touch you. You loved to shower your friends with affection, but rarely ever let anyone reciprocate it back. Logan wondered why that was. What had affected you so much that you refused to let anyone even shake your hand. Here he was, though, thumb moving from the area between your eyebrows to his hand cupping your cheek. Your eyes were wide, your throat dry. You had never expected this from him. This gentleness, the way he had observed your furrowed brows...you leaned your face into his hand, unable to help the way you melted into it. It was a chilly night, and, God, was he warm.

Logan closed the distance between the two of you, now standing directly in front of you. His thumb caressing your cheek. As he stared into your eyes, his gaze couldn't help but flicker down to your lips, a red faded stain on them from the lipstick you had worn to your date. They looked so soft, so enticing. And he couldn't help but wonder if that peppermint chapstick you wore 24/7 worked. He had never been one for chapstick, but you seemed obsessed with it. Logan's thumb slipped from where it rubbed your cheek to your bottom lip, slowly tracing it. You subconsciously licked your lips as he traced them, your chest tight. Why was it suddenly so difficult to breathe? Your throat was beyond dry, your face paled under his gaze yet somehow it felt like your blush deepened. The way his eyes analyzed your lip, your eyes, your nose, that mark you had since you were a child...It was like he was memorizing you.

You wanted to say something, anything. Preferably something sarcastic and witty. No words came to your lips regardless of the fact that your mind was working overdrive. Time slowed as his thumb gently pulled your lip down, encouraging your mouth to part as his hand cupped your chin now, guiding you closer to him. He leaned down, face inches from yours. He paused there, however, waiting for your permission because he knew that you needed that variation of control to feel safe. He wanted to make you feel safe, he wanted you to know you were safe. That he had you. You brushed your lips against his, slightly closing that gap between you two. He took that as permission as he pressed his lips to yours fully. It was gentle at first, as if he was scared that at any moment you'd disappear. Or worse, break.

Your arms moved to wrap around his neck, pulling him close as you held onto him. His hands finally rested around your waist, the kiss growing stronger as he deepened it. People claim that you would feel fireworks during a kiss, but that wasn't the case at all. You felt electricity against your skin that was against him, but the most powerful feeling was how right it felt. Like you were meant to be there, in his arms, kissing him, holding him. He had broken the kiss, opening his eyes to stare at you.

Logan wondered if he'd ever be able to let another person get close to him. He was certain Wade would've been the only one- a victim of the circumstance's kind of thing. But he sure as hell was glad that today he was the one who held you attention as he pressed another kiss to your lips.

[ohthethingswedoforlove]

I am interested to see how Shiro from Ice Scream would be as a yandere… Tbh I think I’ve never seen a x reader content of him

You ask and you shall receive! Though, now that you mentioned it, yeah, Shiro tends to get a bit overshadowed huh. Poor guy, he deserves some love too!

Warnings: yandere character; descriptions of violence and blood; stalking; some self-harm ideation on Shirogane’s side;

Shirogane

🤍 It's no secret that Shirogane is Iceberg Isle's resident coward and punching bag.

🤍 It seems that life just decided to deal him the worst hand possible. He barely ever gets a break.

🤍 And so, above anything else, Shirogane is just desperate for someone to be kind to him.

🤍 Sure, he seeks refuge in Yukisada, his old friend and only resident who actually respects him, but it never seems to be enough.

🤍 The owl comforts and defends Shirogane from the others to the best of his abilities, but the wolf always ends up back at his door bloodied or crying. Or both. 

🤍 Everyone else is busy either bullying him or straight up trying to kill him. There's usually not much of an in-between for poor Shirogane.

🤍 That's why your kindness towards him is so, so important. All it would take is a series of events where you show that you're friendly and care enough, and it's done. Basically irreversible.

🤍 He gets attached.

🤍 It all started so innocently too, with you just wanting to help.

🤍 You found him crying, curled up in his cape in a dark corner of the Isle. You had no idea who he was, being new to this place and ignorant to the dynamics of its residents. But you felt so bad for him.

🤍 You tried to offer your help, despite him nearly screaming until passing out when he first noticed your presence. He had never seen you before and was fully expecting you to just start tearing him apart, either verbally or physically, much to your horrified surprise.

🤍 And so that's where the previously mentioned series of events started.

🤍 You simply thought you made a new friend. But Shirogane became convinced he found his saviour.

🤍 He starts following you around, curious towards everything you do. Literally like a lost puppy.

🤍 It doesn't matter if he started to get accused of being a stalker by the other residents, another insult to the ever growing list. He needs to be near you, it makes him feel safer. And he sucks at being discreet either way, so you'll very quickly become aware of how he barely ever leaves your general vicinity.

🤍 Though if you even just show a small sign of finding it annoying, he'll immediately run to hide away from you. He'll later be found sulking at the bottom of an ice cave somewhere.

🤍 But he always finds his way back to you.

🤍 He'll try to do anything you ask of him, too. Despite him having no particular talents and somehow managing to screw up even the most basic of tasks.

🤍 He might deny it at first, saying that there's no point in him trying or that he doesn't mind. But his wagging tail betrays him. And then he'll spend hours on it if need be. It's actually kind of impressive, how the results always end up lackluster no matter how long he spends on it. But he's trying!

🤍 He so badly wants to impress you, somehow. And he tends to go on self-deprecating rants whenever he fails. To you, himself or even Yukisada or whoever is around to hear. By this point everyone knows he's embarrassingly obsessed with you.

🤍 Which just turns into yet another point for the others to tease him about.

🤍 Except for Yukisada, of course, who thinks you two are adorable. He's always happy to welcome you into his shared home with Shiro, so unbelievably glad (and relieved) that his friend has finally found someone that cares for him.

🤍 He definitely adds fuel to the fire of Shirogane's obsession, even if unintentionally sometimes. He kinda just... Turns a blind eye to the obvious red flags of Shiro's behaviour, not wanting to ruin the fragile happiness of his friend. He thinks he deserves it, these moments of comfort.

🤍 He might even help him out with keeping an eye on you, though covertly. Always inviting you over to the point you might as well live with them, always nudging you towards his friend through friendly suggestions, always making sure the others don't try to tell you anything that will turn you against the wolf, just so you won't make poor Shiro sad. Yukisada is just so sweet, surely you'll listen to him, right?

🤍 But all of this time spent around Shirogane is going to turn into an even bigger problem for you.

🤍 Because you being his favorite immediately puts you in a vulnerable position.

🤍 Now you're a target too. And no one else makes that so apparent like the orca who decided to make Shirogane's life a living nightmare.

🤍 When Idate finds out about you, your life might as well have become hell on earth. As if dealing with Shirogane's obsessive clinginess wasn't enough, now there's a gleefully violent man who decided to make torturing you a new pastime of his.

🤍 It's the perfect kind of fun for you three to share, the orca thinks. He loves massacring Shirogane and Shirogane loves you, what a match made in heaven! 

🤍 He already had gotten around to tormenting Yukisada due to his involvement with the wolf, but you're Shiro's brand new emotional support, how fun will his reactions be while the orca tears you apart!

🤍 Shirogane is way too weak to keep you safe, so it usually falls onto you to be the protector. If you have any fight in you, that is, because if you're on the less violently inclined side, then both of you'll end up in a bloody pulp quite often.

🤍 But he tries, oh does he try to save you. He hates seeing you in the hands of that orca, or the hands of anyone else for that matter.

🤍 Sometimes, he finds the courage. He grows a spine and fights back, surprisingly violently and surprisingly proficient with a harpoon gun you didn't even know he had.

🤍 It doesn't usually end well for either of you. Or any third party involved. 

🤍 He does always manage to drag you and him both back to Yukisada for help, though. And whenever he doesn't, he's dragging your beaten body into one of the dark ice caves he usually hides in, curling himself around you and hiding you both with his cape. And he'll stay like that, clinging to you, for hours. There always seems to be the sound of crying echoing from those caves.

🤍 In moments where he's feeling particularly desperate, or when the fear of you leaving starts to make him even more irrational than usual, Shirogane will also use his status as a victim to keep you with him, using your compassion for him. And while he doesn't necessarily need to play the victim most of the time, as it already happens without much of his input, he'll double down on it if "necessary".

🤍 He'll guilt trip you, basically. Crying and hysterical, saying that he'll surely die without you. Everyone else hates him and wants him dead, but not you, right...? He might even walk into situations where he knows he’ll end up hurt, because that’s how this all started, so that means you’ll be back to fussing over him as soon as he’s hurt, right?

🤍 Although all of this is awful... Shirogane can't help but kind of revel in it, in you basically being stuck with him. Of your only escape from your newfound hell being him.

🤍 He does feel bad about it, sometimes. There are moments where he won't stop berating himself, saying he's horrible, that he doesn't deserve you. That he doesn't deserve anything. It's all his fault and he can't do anything about it. He can't do anything useful, after all.

🤍 But the cycle continues. And he's not letting you go, he'll never stop digging his claws into the only respite he has from this self-made hell.

🤍 And you know what they say. Misery loves company.

[raayllum]

to build on your recent ask, and just to pick your brain a little (gross metaphor, I know), when you said:

"To me, the coins could never have been permanent, otherwise there's very little reason to have them exist. After all, if the parents can't be freed and/or come back, why not just kill them? It'd effect the story the same way... unless they come back." I wonder, in your experience and education in literature, do you think it is feasible/would be an effective avenue of storytelling for the writers to use the (theoretical) inability to free the coined elves as a plot device to teach Rayla about moving on, and that she can't save everyone? she is portrayed as a very determined--and sometimes obsessive--character, and I can recall the writers bringing up her strong devotion to freeing the elves as something that should be questioned (though I do believe this will involve her allowing herself to let Callum/the others help). But, nevertheless, what are your thoughts?

The thing about Rayla is that her determination, and her wanting to save everyone isn't a Flaw, per se. If anything, it's the best thing about her, and the story points that out time and time again (1x03 with the boys, 1x05 with Bait, 1x09 with Zym, 2x07 with the dragon, 3x05 with Nyx): "You have true courage, and a big heart" / "It's because Rayla is a hero. Rayla's brave. She saves people. She does what's right [....] That's what makes her a hero. That's what makes her Rayla."

It's just not only a virtue, as like real people, most of TDP's cast's best qualities are also their worst ones, depending on the circumstance. Callum can also be obsessive with magic, after all (1x04, 2x01, 2x04, 4x02) but that doesn't mean him being a mage isn't his path, or not a Good path for him, particularly when it comes to primal magic. But his persistent, perpetually pushing nature also means he can be impulsive and bite off more than he can chew, unknowingly getting in over his head before it's too late. (Whereas Rayla tends to have a better cognition of her bad odds, but just less concern over them.) If Callum's 'bad path' is being a dark mage, Rayla's 'bad path' is being a loner assassin who takes everything on alone, y'know? Those paths are both from the same places, but there are always more options than the roles they've had enforced on them or have taken up because it feels like they don't have any other choice in war, even if they have/had good intentions regardless.

This also comes back to like, Rayla's relationship with letting go vs holding on. If anything, Rayla has a laser focus on moving on - "We have to keep moving" (1x09) / "Fine, one extra day. One" (2x01) / "Rayla, you're pushing us to move too fast" (3x02) / "I'm fine, Callum, like I already told you [...] We walk away and this never happened" (3x04) - that operates to her detriment, because it's usually when she's ignoring her own pain to prioritize the mission, or putting the mission above most things (other than the boys). If she doesn't linger on her pain/mistakes, she can pretend more easily that it doesn't exist (not "I don't want to talk right now" but "There's nothing to talk about," if you will). Illusions and erasure and all that - very Moonshadow

C: So, uh, yesterday must've been a hard day for you. R: Not really.

We see this even when she comes back in S4 and her attempts to "get things back the way they were" and even her almost complete prioritization of how Callum feels, and very little regard to how she feels (outside of being nervous to see him, which 4x05 quickly reveals is the least of how she's been emotionally damaged).

And this, of course, is because Rayla is very bad, actually, at letting things go. She holds on mistakes, she repeats the same patterns of herself and others who loved but hurt her, and that's why all her self deprecation talk is very similar across the seasons

I messed up. I know I did. (1x02) / You should cut yourself a break. Everyone messes up sometimes, or in my case, all the times. [...] Right up until moment when it really matters. That's when I just, poof, mess it up... And the next thing I know, I've failed. / I dropped it. This is all my fault. I let you both down. I let the world down. (1x09) / I need my friend to trust me, and he doesn't. And I think it's my fault. (2x02 / But every time I tried, I would mess it up, and the next time it was harder, and-- (2x03) / I failed them. It was my fault we were discovered. (3x03) / It's me, and it's all my fault. I failed them. I let them all down. They were right to reject me. I'm not good enough and I never will be. (3x04) / Oh no, I messed up again! [...] This is all my fault. I left him alone. I shouldn't have-- (4x06)

Rayla is someone who is selfless to the point she doesn't know how/when to be selfish, which causes her to be selfish in ways that are extremely detrimental to herself and to the other people around her. In a lot of ways, her inability to move on is an inability to let go of her negative self perception of herself: she fears that failure for her is inevitable ("I'm sure it would've flopped when it was my turn"), she's so terrified of being alone yet continually isolates herself because that seems safer, and because of these negative perceptions, she unfairly punishes herself. For her own mistakes, and for others.

Harrow: I recognize that I may pay the price for our mistakes. / I won't hide in the body of another while someone else pays the price for my decisions. (1x02) Rayla: It will just get tighter and tighter until I lose my hand. But I'm ready to pay that price. (1x06) / But if I die, I'll just be paying the price they should've paid a long time ago. (3x08)

VS

Callum: But you didn't run. They have it all wrong. Rayla: Does it matter? (3x03) Claudia: We're not going to the dungeons, Soren! We didn't do anything wrong. (3x02)

So Rayla wanting to prioritize something over the mission that's not for the good of someone else (Callum, the dragon, Nyx, etc) but for something that she personally wants is a massive departure for her and gives her all sorts of room to grow. However, it remains to be seen if Rayla will view it like that. I could see her see saving her parents as a form of 'redemption' - even though she didn't fail them like, at all, but again: it's Rayla we're talking about. Turning it into a duty would be very on brand. "This is a journey for redemption" and all that, even if like... she doesn't Need to redeem herself.

There's layers there then, of her being 'selfish' (wanting something for herself, it being her family) and of being too 'selfless' again, semi similar to her choice to leave in TTM. Because Rayla's inability to let go is unable to be separated from the way she continually punishes/loathes herself; that's what she can't put down, the mistakes and failures she feels responsible for that she'll destroy herself to try and correct, to ensure she pays the price so that no one else has to. That's why she's obsessive about Viren (protection, punishment, self-martyrdom) and prepared to stay behind at the Storm Spire.

Her choices to save and protect Zym are a little different. She, like the princes, wants to make up for her parents' mistakes, yes, but it goes deeper than that - she truly believes that this is right and has the power to change the world for the better, to break the cycle rather than perpetuate it. To make a difference, not as a trauma response, but in the vein of healing.

TLDR; to summarize, I think Rayla's parents, particularly Runaan, have a great capacity to help her unlearn the harmful patterns they've passed down, whether because she's grown beyond them and can help her parents do the same, or in seeing their behaviour and correcting hers, or in having them realize how they messed her up, and saving her right back.

None of this really touches on how TDP's hero side is staunchly big on protecting the value of the individual, and their right to exist/thrive without prejudice/expectation, by laying yourself down (as opposed to offering up others' lives), but I think that's absolutely a component as well. TDP's hopepunk theme - Breaking the cycle, working towards harm reduction, reconciling rather than reinforcing binaries - are all in favour of saying "you can't save everyone, but you should still always Try" (hi Ezran in 3x04) and I don't think they'd toss that out, either. In a world with magic, they could've taken the concept of the Moon Nexus and Rayla wanting to see them again for the same end (which, in TTM, Rayla doesn't think she can save her parents per se - she just wants to know if they're actually dead or not), but uh. They didn't so yeah, particularly because Runaan living means all sorts of messy feelings for Callum and happy gay reunion elves, them living absolutely holds the most merit for the narrative, tbh

[anulithots]

"Show off much?"

The tumblr houseplant series: Philodendron. Episode five.

The tumblr houseplant series: Growing a garden of houseplants based off this weird thing called existence, "planted" by others from tumblr.

The Philodendron from @rainisawriter

"I think one of the biggest things I struggle to overcome is taking things to heart. I'm quite sensitive, see, and I tend to take things personally even when it isn't personal at all."

Episode one - Weather you like it or not

Episode two - What a debut

Episode three- You get in the way

Episode four - You're being unreasonable.

Note - this is still a first draft, any feedback is much appreciated <3

TRIGGER WARNING - slight self-deprecation.

-------

Before, Philo danced.

Fae wasn't particularly good at it. Although fae didn't know that at the time. By the stars, how did fae live in such ignorance? The feelings of sunshine through the mist, of its rays brushing the clouds over the hills of a vast world beyond, were those feelings worth the aftermath?

Yes. No.

But at the time, Philo swished faer leaves around in a showcase of just how obnoxiously large and "twirly-flappy" they were.

To think, Philo wanted to dance at every festival, all through the dawn, for as long as fae could. Fae wanted to sway faer leaves at every opportunity and fae wanted to watch the shadows as the sunlight trickled across faer leaf tips.

To think, it took one entire year of suffocating memories before someone told Philo a critical piece of information.

Faer leaves got in the way.

It was Rose. Rose told faer during the spring festival. Philo had wanted to take part in the 'showcase competition', specifically in Rose's group. It was Rose, after all, who brought the original idea of festivals to the gardens - even if their versions were heavily modified, 'desecrated' according to faer.

If Philo could take part in faer group, then fae would have a quite valuable use to the festivals, fae could even participate in Rose's agenda to 'wild-ize' the gardens.

Oh how wrong Philo was.

Rose looked over Philo with a few glances. "Your wings are quite showy - they may get in the way of any dances. In the wild you would've -"

Philo burst into tears right then and there.

Fae ran to the window, letting the outside world Rose raved about distract faer from the thoughts that threatened to consume faer. The sunlight, the clouds, the moon and the stars, they softened the world in Philo's head, until it faded away.

If Philo did something, if fae could do something as magical as the stars themselves, then maybe none of it would hurt. Because fae already made faer world as expansive as the outside, why would anyone say anything bad to that?

Philo would be free of worrying about this, if fae only found a suitable idea.

Philo curled into a ball, worrying about it, because fae found the worst idea in existence.

-------

Yes, I will scream if you show me any videos of the dances I did at weddings when I was younger. Yes, I did give up a few hobbies because someone said something off-handed, even helpful.

Yes, there was a time where embarrassment was constant and painful, and I never could understand why embarrassment seemed to be one of the 'lesser emotions' to everyone else. It ruled my entire life.

So yes, this was extremely healing.

To any Philodendron people out there, take care of yourself <3

[next episode - Rain]

[the-s1lly-corner]

Is request open? Can i rquest for a jealous eyeless jack with a S/O that alway reassures him that they would never leave him and that the people that they talk to are just friend or family.

Jealous Eyeless Jack!!

Requests are open!! Yipee!!!

Ngl I'm so glad for this prompt because with my take on EJ this is just

Mwah

He's already insecure as is

I wanna start this off by saying that he doesn't nessacerarily treat you bad when jealous; and when he does it is a genuine accident and he will raise hell trying to fix it

We don't support toxic stuff here

Moving on

As per my silly headcannon, Eyeless Jack lives in a silly little cabin in the woods, all secluded from everyone

Due to that he doesn't expect or firce you to completely move in with him, be gets it's a huge change

However with that understanding, it does nothing to calm any insecurities he may feel

Can you really put all the blame on him? He used to be a normal guy and that got torn away from him, his life was turned upside down and he lost everything

He also wasn't the pinnacle of confidence and self love before everything; so that doesn't really..help..

Mostly unrelated to the jealousy, he wants to make sure you're safe at all times, so when he's not out getting.. "groceries".. he's watching from the sidelines to make sure everything is going well

I feel like that's how he ends up seeing you being all buddy buddy with someone else

Cue his self deprecating thoughts

He doesn't blame you, who would want to be with a flesh eating demon thing

When you swing by his cabin, after he fails to come to your place like he does every night, you find him sitting on his beat up couch

Please set the record straight because he'll probably be too caught up in his own head to work it out himself

He won't immediately bounce back to his

Okay well he's not a very cheerful person, or a chatty one

Actually him being bummed out and him being neutral are almost identical

Jokes aside, he won't really

Take his insecurities out on you directly

He's more so the type to beat himself up, isolate, and all that

At worst he'll probably make a mean comment about himself, or the person stealing your attention

Never says anything mean about you, though

He DOES feel dumb when you explain it's a friend/family member

I mean part of Jacks whole thing with "hunting" is to be observant, and be able to pick up on every detail and relationship his target has before he strikes

So how did he miss this about you?

I mean, he was originally gonna steal your organs when you first met/hj

Tldr; he's not the type to get mean or fight for you, or hurt whoevers taking your attention from him. He just kinda gets sad and picks apart everything about himself that he deems as negative. Self love is a journey that doesn't have to be done alone, give him some reassurance and he'll go far

[katethewriter]

Something fluffy huh? Hmmm how about reader comforting her girlfriend wanda when it seems like the whole world is against her. Feel like she’d always hold wanda tight and say “no matter what you do or become, I will always be on your side”

You Are More

Pairing: Wanda x Reader

Words: 1k~

Warnings: insecure/self-deprecating thoughts, people are mean, Wanda needs a hug, if I missed any please let me know

A/N: Thank you so much for the prompt!!! I hope you like it! Also, Reader is an enhanced. She has the ability to harness and manipulate electricity.

“How is she doing?"

You've just returned from a four-day solo mission, only to learn of the incident in Lagos. You're heart breaks for your girlfriend, who you know must be tearing herself to pieces.

Since the day she joined this team, she has done everything possible to make up for and repair the damage she took part in as a Hydra participant.

... and you know this is enough to break her.

"As well as can be expected, she's barely left her room," Steve smiles sadly, "this is as much my fault as it is hers. I should have-“

You are sure to cut him off quickly, "hey, none of that. This is no one's fault… except Rumlow’s. It was an accident." You pat the super soldier on the back comfortingly. "I'm gonna go check on her," you go straight to you and your girlfriend's shared bedroom.

When you peer through the doorway, you see her.

Wanda sits defeatedly on the bed, endlessly flipping between news stations, all of them covering the bombing. Each reporter that fills the screen has worse and worse things to say about the woman you love.

You're heart breaks more at every remark. What angers you the most is that these people don't even know Wanda, not personally, not like the team does and certainly not like you do. If they actually knew her, knew where her heart and intentions lie, they wouldn't being saying these things on international television for literally everyone and Wanda to hear.

The TV goes blank as you use your powers to turn it off. You had heard more than enough.

"Don't watch that," you speak softly, walking over to the bed and sitting beside her.

Wanda can't meet your eyes. She stares at her hands sorrowfully, "turning it off won't stop them from talking about me."

Reaching out, you move her hair away from her face and stroke her cheek delicately, "they don't know you."

"They're still right," Wanda quickly swats away a tear before it can fall, "I'm a monster."

"No, you are no-"

"I am," she shakes her head. "Think about it," she prompts, "the only reason Hydra selected me, gave me these powers was to hurt people." The sokovian motions towards the TV, ",,,and now I've done just that."

Your lip trembles at the way she is talking about herself. "Do you think I am a monster?"

For the first time since you've entered the room, Wana looks at you. She's almost too shocked to answer the question, "you're the best person I know. You could never be a monster."

"I was given my powers for the exact same reason, by the exact same people," you look deep into her eyes, hoping to reach her, "if that doesn't make me a monster, then neither are you."

Wanda smiles sadly, "but you never used your powers to hurt someone-"

"But I could," you interrupt her, "all it would take is one lapse in focus. One slip and I could electrocute an entire swimming pool or start a wild fire. What if I accidentally cut the power on an aircraft midflight; would you think I was a monster then?"

The witch furrows her brow, "no, that would have been an accident."

"and so was this," you take her hands into your own, "this was an accident. You were trying to help people, and you made a mistake." You gently wipe a tear that falls down her cheek.

"Wanda, you are more, so much more, than the worst mistake you've ever made. This does not define who or what you are. Ok?"

You wait for her to nod, but it takes a while. You can practically see her mind running around trying to rewrite her self-perception and absorb your words.

There is a small shift in her demeanor, and you know you've at least partially gotten through to her. Wanda gives you a weak smile but says nothing.

"As for your powers," you shift closer to wrap her in your arms, "I know they have done some pretty amazing things." Pressing a kiss to her shoulder, you begin to explain, "your magic saved countless lives in Sokovia. It helped you stop Ultron before he destroyed the world. When I was locked away in a Hydra cell, strapped to a table as they turned me into a battery, draining me," your voice cracks at the mention of your worst memories, "you were the one who came back for me. You saved me, and a monster would never do that."

Wanda finally begins to relax into you. Her own arms raise to hold you as close as possible. “I don’t know what’s going to happen,” she whispers shakily, “some of them want to lock me in a cage.”

You pull away a bit to look into her eyes, “you know Steve would never let them.”

Her lips tremble in fear, “what if he doesn’t have a say?”

Silence fills the air.

You struggle to find what to say. Something is coming. There’s no way around that; too many people are demanding change.

There’s no way to know if any of you will have a say.

“Come here,” you scoot back on the bed until you’re leaning against the headboard. You open your arms for Wanda to crawl into.

She buries herself into while you hold her so tight that you never want to let go.

You start to run your hand through her hair to help soothe her the best you can, “I don’t know, but you know what I do know?”

Wanda looks up to you with her beautiful doe eyes, “what?”

Cupping her cheek softly, you promise, “no matter what happens, no matter what you do or become, I will always be on your side.”

[lucielerror]

Neglected

CW (s): SAGAU, self-deprecating thoughts from Xiao, mention of death, slight Zhongli's Archon Quest spoilers if you haven't reached that part?, lowkey obsessive Xiao towards the end

Summary: Do you perhaps hate Xiao? Then why have you not used him? Xiao gets sad because of your inability to build.

A/N: This is from your very dear newbie author who pulled Xiao somewhere around ar 25+ and only started using him around like ar 35 because I didn't know how to build or use him. Plus, I was very attached to my team. But yes!! My first 5-star character who has a special place in my heart now ¨̮

He doesn't get it. While he's not one to boast his skills, he knows he's one of the most powerful characters here. He's Xiao, The Conqueror of Demons... so why won't you use him? Did his karmic debt make him that undesirable to you? Or was he simply not enough? Not as powerful as he thought himself to be? Or worse, do you... hate him?

With that thought, Xiao scowls further and takes an angry bite out of his almond tofu. Useless to Rex Lapis who once laid dead on the ground, and now, useless to you. Then what was the point of going any further? To keep Liyue safe and vanquish all evil of course, who else will do the protecting if not him? He discards the unfinished tofu to the side, no longer in the mood to eat anymore, and chooses to stare at the moon with more questions filling his mind.

Is he being ungrateful? He's lucky to even have a chance to be your personal acolyte when there are others out there who can only dream of being so. He knows you can't use everyone in battle, you don't have the resources or don't know how to and that's alright. He understands that. What he doesn't understand is how you don't give him a chance to prove himself, to prove his ability to fight, his ability to knock out enemies before they could harm your precious team of acolytes. He's been stuck watching your chosen team run around and while he may never admit it out loud, it pains him... it pains him to the point of jealousy, the ugly green monster rearing its head. You didn't even think of giving him a chance and that irritated him.

But he could never be angry with you, never with you. You took great care of the world and everyone! Your team's always all healed up, well-fed, and you tried to avoid any monsters so that your team wouldn't have to fight so much. He knows how great you are because he watches. No he was not stalking your team, he was simply keeping them safe, and of course, preventing any troubles from reaching you! He just wants to make it easier for you to keep Teyvat safe. Just like how he keeps Liyue safe, you keep Teyvat safe as well, always going around helping everyone be it from simply sending letters to fighting literal gods, you do anything and everything to protect the safety of the world... your world. He admires you so much for that. While you did seem a bit clumsy at times, giving the wrong artefacts and weapons to your acolytes, you still tried your best and that's what matters to him. You, no matter how clueless or confused, did your absolute best for the whole of Teyvat. You're just so... he can't find the proper words to even express his awe and admiration for you.

【 ✦ 】

Xiao blinks as he feels a strange presence overcome him. This... was a similar feeling ,described by the main acolytes, of being controlled. Except... this wasn't your presence. Plus, he knows you're resting around this time of the day. Is this an intruder? Where were you. He feels panic enter his system as his mind suddenly goes through all the worst case scenarios you could possibly be in. Where were you? Who's this stranger?

Suddenly, he gets placed in a void full of stars and he feels himself being studied. After a few seconds, he could feel his power go up- oh. Is it time? Is he finally being used as a main acolyte?

Then, his usual weapon is switched out with another. Hmm... a white tassel. It's alright, he can still make do with this. He cannot be ungrateful. Not long after, a wide array of artefacts float in front of him. Not the best, but there are still plenty of good options.

Before he knows it, he sees the other acolytes beside him. Wait, there's one missing... Where's Chongyun? He knows Chongyun's your favourite so where- he's been replaced. More specifically, Xiao has replaced Chongyun. His artefacts were Chongyun's.

You called?

While he was happy to finally be closer to you, he couldn't help but feel guilty for replacing Chongyun. The boy will be heartbroken for sure, but even then, Xiao allowed himself to indulge in his selfishness just this once, indulging himself in the pure ecstasy he's feeling. Finally. Finally, he's a step closer to you, and he can finally help you keep the peace in Teyvat. He does not admit to himself that in all honesty, all this time, he just wanted to feel you closer, have a more intimate connection rather than trying to feed off crumbs of your presence from the acolytes he wasn't a part of. He definitely has to thank the strange presence for this chance.

Now, all he has to do is wait for you to wake from your rest.

Bonus

You rub your bleary eyes, waiting for the game to load.

Xiao's face stares back at you.

You shoot up, much more wide awake than before. XIAO? You look down at his HP bar just to see "Lvl 60" right beside it. NO WAY. Frantically opening the character menu, you looked at his attributes, weapons and artefacts. You let out a shriek of delight as you close the menu and stare at Xiao from all angles with a stupid smile on your face. Your friend built Xiao for you while you were sleeping!!

Reduced to standing around. How absurd.

God, he's so pretty! And you can finally use him! You take him running around for a while, starting easy with slimes. It's so cool watching him fight and you're so excited to use him even more. You need to thank your friend immediately!

You: YOU BUILT XIAO? TYSM I WAS GETTING SO SAD ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO USE HIM ToT ILY<3

[andsheloved]

I absolutely love what you write!! Would you write a little fic where reader is upset with loki for whatever reason and wants to cool down before talking about it with him, but loki is like “pls tell me how to fix it i miss u :( ” sorry if this is so specific LOL. congratulations again on your milestone! happy sleepover 🌟

oh goodness, first of all, thank you so much!! i really do appreciate it!! and don't be sorry!! i love specifics!! specifcs are simply so good!! thank you!! thank you so so much for sending this in!! i hope i captured something along the lines of what you were thinking!! and i also hope you enjoy it!! and thank you again!! happy sleepover day/night/afternoon to you!! mwauh!! i hope you're doing so well!!

pairing ~ loki x gn!reader

word count ~ 1.1k

warnings ~ angst-ish with a happy ending!! fluff!! jealous reader? is that a warning? mention of drinks (slight allusion to drinking alcohol, but not by the reader!), reader self deprecation, jealous loki, misunderstandings

prompt ~ "please tell me how to fix it. i miss you."

"Excuse me," You muttered a polite goodbye as you placed your glass down on the counter top behind you. You didn't think to look at the confused glances sent around the group as you marched off, too busy with your own spiraling thoughts to care about anyone else's.

They were laughing with him. They were smiling at him. They had their hands on him.

And worst of all, they weren't you.

You were excited to finally have Loki with you at one of Tony's much-too-lavish-for-a-Wednesday-night parties, you hoped it wouldn't be too unbearable for him, and you found yourself frequently glancing anxiously at him from across the room when you two had been separated, Sam pulling you to the side to catch up with a few of the others.

At first, you were happily surprised to see Loki beginning to chat with a group of other agents, and as time went on, and more drinks were served, you found your face starting to grow hot as you looked upon the scene.

You were proud to see Loki doing his best in blending in, choosing to make jokes and tell embarrassing stories of Thor instead of hiding away in the shadows, but you couldn't help the dull flame of envy that bloomed in your chest as you observed the sight.

You weren't enhanced in any way, you had no serum running through your veins, yet your eyes seemed super-humanly trained on one of the woman's hands, playfully slapping his bicep and lingering for a bit too long, almost tracing her fingers along the muscle before pulling away.

You wanted to storm over there right then, and maybe if you were more confrontational you would. Maybe you would pull him away from her, maybe even kiss him senseless in front of the crowd, but now, all you could do was sit in your quiet room and breathe.

You never once doubted Loki's faithfulness or loyalty to you, sometimes though, it seemed a bit harder to accept his feelings for you when there were other people like him in the world. People that were just as perfect, both in life and battlefield. People who had perfect hair without even trying, who were consistently majestic in even the most awkward of situations, people who looked impeccable even after spending hours training in the gym or running computer programs for days on end.

A soft knock on your door finally broke you from your thoughts.

"Who is it?" You called, silently scolding yourself for how your voice shook.

"It's me."

You sighed when you heard his voice, opting to not say anything at first.

"May I come in?" He asked, and for a moment, you could have sworn his voice was almost as uneven as your own.

You suddenly discovered that all the words you had been conjuring to use in this exact moment had died on your tongue, your throat almost feeling constricted by the weight of your own thoughts. "I'm fine" You sputtered, almost instantly covering your mouth with your hand as a sob threatened to escape past your lips.

A flood of words rang and echoed in your mind like some sort of haunting siren song, calling you to the edge of a cliff. You were you. Nothing special. He could have anyone. You were just you.

"My love..."

You swallowed thickly as you attempted to collect yourself before speaking, but before you could, Loki continued.

"Please tell me how to fix it. I miss you." There was a twinge of pain laced within his tone that made your heart break just a little more. "It's insufferable without you."

You heard a quiet shuffle just beyond the door, seeing the edge of a shadow under the door frame, you could tell that Loki had now made himself comfortable on the floor, and you understood he was stubborn enough to continue to sit there for the rest of the night until you let him in.

You huffed as you finally caved, "Come in."

In a sudden flash of green, he was in your room. Loki's brows furrowed as he took you in, a sympathetic hum rumbling in his chest before he gently sat himself beside you.

He didn't make a sound at first, he only waited for you to speak, and if you had chosen not to, he would've waited all night, quietly awaiting for a response.

"I'm sorry" You finally spoke.

Loki turned quickly to you, his head tilted in confusion, but he still only waited for you to continue before he responded.

"Sometimes, I just get so wrapped up in my own thoughts about other people-" You cut yourself off with a frustrated grumble, "I saw that woman with you-" Your head was suddenly in your hands, you felt your face grow even hotter as you sputtered the words, feeling even more pathetic than before.

"Darling, you have nothing to apologize for" He lightly chuckled, "I'm sorry, I never set out to make you feel that way tonight, and I-" His pace was very nearly frantic now, and you noticed he had begun to fidget with his hands. "I am sorry, my love."

A soft wave of relief suddenly washed over you when you realized Loki had become just as flustered as you at the situation.

"I trust you. I want you to know that" He continued, "It's simply that..." He trailed off, swallowing anxiously before finishing his thought, "I suppose I get... Envious."

You quickly lifted your head to face him now, your previously melancholic expression now being replaced with utter bewilderment at his confession.

"I never intended for you to feel you couldn't speak to anyone else, and I'm sorry. I just- If I saw any other person look at you the way I do, well, I don't believe my heart could bear it."

You had to stifle the gasp that almost fell from your lips, Loki was jealous because of you? Maybe at another time, you would think of this moment and smirk at the thought, maybe you would explain yourself and your misunderstanding and laugh, but right now, you found yourself seeking out the comfort of his touch in the shadows of your dimly lit room.

"Loki..." You exhaled "I'm-

"I am sorry-" He finished, you both chuckled. He squeezed your hand gingerly as he looked at you, "I love you" He almost whispered, "I love you."

You felt a different type of warmth fill your chest as you smiled, "I love you."

And as you stared back at him, his eyes filled with nothing but affection and love, something in your heart told you he would never look at anyone else the same.

ooooohhhhh man i am in love, i am y e a r n i n g, oh goodness, my heart!! this kind of ran away from me, but i hope you enjoy this my anon friend, and i hope you're doing so well!! mwauh!! as always, likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated!! mwauh!!

want more loki? check out my masterlist!

[dogin8]

Just want to say, because there are a tonne of really big really good posts on the like "Do not self deprecate" topic, and they're super well put and really good advice

I want to clarify though, those posts are telling you that you should not do it as a joke or as a habit. If your immediate reaction to something is to say "Oh that's cause I'm an awful person" as a joke, it would 100% be helpful to work that out of your go-to responses and replace it with something else (those posts suggest self aggrandising humour which I greatly reccomend).

But, those posts are absolutely NOT saying you should never express negative thoughts about yourself. If you are in a scenario where somebody genuinely wants to understand how you're doing, and you feel safe sharing with them, then saying "I don't like myself", "I feel like everybody hates me", "I'm a failure" isn't harmful and thinking to yourself "Oh this is how I'm really feeling but if I tell anybody then I will just promote that mindset" isn't true or helpful.

Opening up to people, on a genuine level, about how you are doing, when you have a safe opportunity to do so, Is important. And the ability to express what is actually going on for you is important.

so basically: Don't say "I am the worst" as a joke or out of habit, but don't force yourself to lie about how you're doing when people genuinely ask out of fear that it will make things worse.

[paperstarwriters]

The Arcana Masterlist

The Hollow Apprentice

[Asra x Reader / Apprentice oc idea] What if amidst the things the apprentice forgot, feelings were one of them?

Together at the end of the world

[Muriel x reader— reversed ending slight rewrite] You're still together, at the end of the world

The Hermit’s Route (Series–incomplete)

[Muriel route rewrite - Muriel x reader] If cannon leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, then the logical next step is to kill it and start anew. So let's try it all again, just a little to the left. » Kinda abandoned....«

Kidnapped (drabble)

[Muriel x reader- romantic/platonic; angst with a slightly happy ending] Muriel's self-deprecation puts you in danger.

The Worst Kind of Riddle, and the Best Kind of Debt

[Muriel x reader - romantic; angsty and slightly suggestive at the end (not really though)] If he could answer the riddle, he could pay you back. He never seems to get a chance to tell you though. It's a pretty bad riddle too, the answers keep changing

Honeyed Lips

[Muriel x reader - romantic; fluffy with kisses.] You had an awful tendency to chew your lips. Muriel has a solution, but it only tempts you to bite your lip even more.

Your Enemy

[Muriel x Reader – Romantic; fluffy cuddling and slightly suggestive at the end (again, not really but just in case)] Julian and Asra have become temporary enemies and have looped their friends onto their side for their petty challenges. You're on Julian's team with Portia and Muriel is on Asra's. When you end up "captured" by the enemy team, Muriel plays the role of your guard, and you try to sway him to your side.

Baking drabble

[Muriel x reader – romantic; fluffy baking together. Slightly suggestive(?)] Just baking with Muriel.

Keep me warm please

[Muriel x reader – short drabble, fluffy] I was just in a bit of a bad mood so I wrote something kinda self indulgent and soft. Something to keep me warm…

Betwixt Your Lips and My Dreams

[Muriel x reader – romantic; fluffy] Muriel really likes kissing you. He also really values your consent.\\

Muriel & Body Heat

[Muriel x reader – platonic/romantic; LI headcannon] Just thinking about how warm Muriel probably is and how nice it'd be to hug him.

A Little Game of Tag

[Muriel x Shy!Reader – Romantic; fluffy, kinda silly] You want to get used to kissing Muriel so you aren't blushing like crazy next time you do. It takes a little practice but it's slowly evolved into a game

Physical affection headcannons

[Muriel x reader] – romantic Just some thoughts about Muriel & cuddling & kisses.

Two Birds on a wire

[Muriel & Asra] headcannons – Angst "two birds on a wire.... one tries to fly away and the other..."

Rain

[Muriel x Reader] — Romantic; fluff Its cold and wet outside, but you don't seem to mind. Muriel on the other hand, worries. Partly about the possibility for sickness, and partly about what it means to be loved by you and how he loves in turn.

Sleep

[Muriel x Reader] — Romantic; fluff It's late. You're tired, and Muriel is too. All he wants to do is bring you to bed.

Inanna Headcannons

[Inanna; with Muriel x reader on the side] What if Inanna was also the name of his mother?

Lucio and Muriel Parallels

[Lit-Analysis; approx 3k word Essay] Despite often being on opposing sides of conflicts, with LOTS of Muriel fans hating and loathing Lucio for what he did to Muriel, I think there are some fascinating parallels between Lucio and Muriel and their respective routes.

To Eat from the Same Plate

[Muriel x Reader; headcannons/drabble — Romantic; fluff] Muriel doesn't really have more than one plate in his house, and even when he does, It's never really used.

Modern Roommate Muriel

[Muriel x Reader short drabble — platonic/romantic; fluff] You come home exhausted after a party, practically ready to collapse. Muriel finds you, and helps to tidy you up. You didn't know he knew how to do that so well...

Muriel Chicken Heart headcannon

[Muriel x Reader short drabble; tag team with @iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia & anon— platonic/romantic; fluff] You & Muriel set up elaborate tricks to profess your love

A Flower a Day Keeps the Lonely at Bay

[Muriel x Reader; Request — Romantic; fluff] Muriel befriends a florist in the market who gives him flowers every time he visits. Only issue is, they don't remember him, and he hasn't paid for his flowers

When Things Go Wrong (Feat. Inanna)

[Muriel & Inanna & Reader; — Platonic, though Muriel & MC can be seen as romantic; Hurt comfort, fluff] Inanna makes a small mistake, that leaves a bigger wound than expected. She tries to fix the mess she's made, even if it's a bit difficult.

Billowing Fabrics

[Muriel x reader — Romantic; fluff] You've accidentally made one of your sweaters a little too big when you were trying to make it bigger and slouchier for yourself. Muriel finds your work and takes it upon himself to fix the worn down sweater. Not for any particular reason no, no... he just found a sweater that seemed to fit him....

Abyssmal

[Mer!Muriel x Reader — Romantic; bittersweet] You want to protect Muriel and his fellow Mer-folk from getting caught in traps, Muriel wants to protect you from getting murdered by the people with harpoons sent by those same wealthy billionaires. Unfortunately for you Muriel has more of an advantage in keeping you for himself safe. He's trying to keep you safe.

Small Talk With Wood and Carving Knife

[Muriel x Reader; Knife & wood — Romantic; Different POV] Beneath a tree, beside a fire, a Knife begins their conversation with a block of Wood.

Muriel With a Face Full of Kisses

[Muriel x reader — Romantic Drabble] You surprise Muriel by slipping into his lap and kissing him over and over and over and over again

Nadia as a Mermaid

[Nadia x Reader — platonic (first meeting) drabble Mermaids only appear when the water matches the colour of their hair. One day the water turns purple, and a strange mermaid comes bearing threatening gifts.

Yandere Muriel is a Haunted House....

[YandereMuriel x Reader — Romantic drabble; Character analysis] There are a lot of ways in which a haunted house begging you to stay, and Muriel as a Yandere can be very similar.

Bear Hug

[Muriel x Reader — Romantic drabble; fluff] Just me gushing about Muriel, who likes sitting around you, his arms wrapped around your midsection, or over your shoulders, and his thighs resting on either side of your own.

[sweetestlamb]

You Can’t Just Leave Me

Summary: The Han family is a force to be reckoned with. 

Author’s Note: Writing this chapter made me smile, I hope reading it as the same affect on you all. Thank you to everyone who supports this story and leaves comments (or my silent readers). I appreciate you all and I am so thankful that you like this brainchild, I’ve just been winging it- never expecting to be on chapter 7 on something I initially planned on being a one shot. You all made it come this far, enjoy chapter 7!! Beautiful header by @ewolfwitchwisegirl text message created by Junjin fairy @prodmina

The apartment is eerily quiet following Su-ah's departure, he hadn't intentionally tried to eavesdrop but it was hard not to overhear their sniffles through the door. Then hours later the usually bubbly girl had exited the room with red rimmed eyes, he'd never seen her cry before in his many years of knowing her. He was awkward in the face of it, not used to comforting anyone besides Ju-Kyeong. 

Their conversation was clipped and it was clear that Sujin hadn't opened up about what happened. The Su-ah he knew would be making plans to sabotage her father, if she knew the full story.  She'd left with the final words, "Take care of her." He nodded without hesitation that was his intentions, he just needed to get her onboard with his plan to do that.

Taking a deep soothing breath he walks over to knock on the door.

"Sujin-ah, can we talk?" He asks, pressing his head against the door. Ready to plead if need be, she hadn't been answering him since being here. He never saw her come outside, but the food he brought would just disappear hours after he placed it. He waits patiently before reaching out his knuckles to knock again, but when the door suddenly opens he takes a quick step back surprised to see Sujin's face. It's clear she's been crying. He looks away, it's a bit unsettling to see her like this. Too raw.

"Let's talk in the living room." He suggests quietly, stepping back and walking towards the couch. Nerves easing minutely as he hears her soft footsteps behind him. He slides into one corner of the couch and watches as she sits on the opposite end. An awkward silence bellows around them as he stares at his hands and she stares at the ceiling. They have both never been the most talkative on a good day, but now it’s painful. 

He clears his throat stilling when he feels her eyes on him, waiting. He had this speech planned in his head for days but now that the moment is actually here, he's terrified. Too nervous to say the words he wants to, does he even have the right to apologize to her now? Does she even want his late apology or will she brush him off? He wouldn't blame her one bit, it had taken him too long and he still hasn't even forgiven himself, how could he expect her to forgive him? 

"Thank you."

He almost misses the quiet utterance because he's so lost in his own self deprecation. They are staring at each other now eyes locked, his own wide in bewilderment.

"What?" He responds caught off guard, he didn't expect Sujin to speak at all-much less for those to be her first words.

"You heard me. Thank you for letting me stay here and for not pressuring me to talk about it."  Sujin awkwardly squirms in her seat, glancing away from him before darting back and she gives him the courage to finally saw what he wanted- no needed to.

"I'm sorry." It's his turn to watch the shock form on her face but he presses on before she can question him. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, I knew what was happening but I didn't know how to help. I understand now that just being there would have been enough, you just needed a friend. I'm sorry I wasn't one."

A slight weight lifts off his shoulder and his heart, he's not free but he's one step closer. One step at a time.

"You didn't do anything wrong. We were just kids, what could you have done? It's okay, I never expected you to save me. How could you when you were dealing with your own pain?"

She's giving him an out, and logically she's right the pain of losing his mother crippled him for years. It was still weighing heavy on him to this day but he doesn't want an out, he wants to be accountable. He would rather her rage than her understanding.

"I know you didn't need a savior, but you needed a friend. Am I wrong? Were you okay dealing with everything on your own?" It's a low blow he's aware and the way her eyes narrow further confirm that his question isn't appreciated.

"Am I wrong?" He repeats and watches as the ice around her eyes melt away glacially, too many emotions flashing in her dark orbs- anger, sadness, disappointment, broken acceptance each emotion cutting at his heart.

Leaning forward he grabs at the folder on the table, he's already come this far might as well go all the way now.

"Here." He hands it to her, she raises an eyebrow taking the thick object. "Open it," he nods at the folder watching quietly as she breaks the seal and pulls out the documents, eyes scanning the papers before realization settles.

"Emancipation?" She whispers, now staring at him unblinking he can feel the heft of her undivided attention.

"Yes, we've been doing research and I think the best bet is for you to get emancipated." He winces at himself as she glares at the use of "we", he should have left that out with how distant they've been; she didn't even know that Seojun was the one providing the meals she seemed to love. She might stop eating them if she knew, she was so stubborn sometimes. 

She leaf's through the pages, carefully looking over the document and he sits silently awaiting her reaction.

"He would never allow this. You know that." It's said with certainty as if she's accepted her fate long ago, probably thought of this very option herself and then talked herself out of it.

"I'm going to ask her father to help, he's been supporting your father all these years. If he knew the truth..." He trails off letting her finish the rest and she barks out a humorless laugh, it sounds more like a sob.

"You want to tell your father? They have known each other for years, why would he believe me?"

"He's my dad. He'll believe me. We have to at least try." He pleads now desperate for her agreement. It wasn’t the right thing to say, he knows that instantly. 

Instantly she stands up, slamming the documents on the table the ice restoring around her eyes. "I was fine all those years you were wrong.  I'm not doing this, I don't need your dad's help." She spits the word "dad" like it's poison on her tongue, storming off to the room and slamming the door shut.

He sighs, defeated leaning back onto the couch. He sends a text to his father and Seojun. He failed. 

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Guilt eats at her following her outburst, she wasn't mad at Suho despite her harsh words. She can blame her anger on many things but she's self-aware enough to know that it's a defense mechanism; she was jealous. It was ugly and grotesque, but she cannot stop the way her blood boils when she sees others with parents that care. 

He's my father, he'll believe me.

That would never be her reality, Suho and his father had been able to reconcile and restart their broken relationship. That would never be her truth, her relationship with her father would never resemble something healthy and despite her efforts to repress her true feelings, it hurts. The little girl who desperately wanted to make her dad happy and proud still hadn't died.

She feels stupid, the biggest fool on the planet. How can she still be looking for love from someone who has never shown her anything but hatred? She’s the one with a problem here, she knows that. 

She shouldn't have lashed out especially after his apology, that must have taken true guts and she had thrown it all back in his face. She tries to make amends but every time they cross paths she freezes up and escapes to her borrowed room instead. It continues on for days with him still bringing food to her door and the combination of their kindness is too much for her. She doesn’t deserve it from either of them. 

Tugging on her jacket she leaves the apartment hastily with only a small note on her door. She needs some space to think without feeling suffocated.

Gone for a walk.

It's just her luck that it's raining outside, only a drizzle but it coats the world in a thick fog and it's hard to see. The biggest benefit is that nobody can see her, she just needs time alone to think. 

The idea of emancipation wasn't new to her, she had considered this option before but in the end she discarded it. Her father wasn't someone she would simply leave, he would drag her back kicking and screaming. He had instilled long ago that she was his, it was pointless to have dreams or aspirations, she just needed to follow his orders. That was her purpose. Being an obedient dog. 

Suho's plan also called for revealing her pitiful life, what if she went through this ordeal only to lose and not be given emancipation in the end? No. She couldn't make herself that vulnerable at least now she had her dignity, only two people knew about her secret. It might not be much to others, but her dignity was everything to her; it was all she had left.

Sighing loudly at the skies she mentally curses the weather, maybe it's poetic but all of her worst times have been bookmarked by the rain. It must be a metaphor for her life, damp and cold with no warmth in sight.

Stopping to sit on a bench she stares up at the gray skies before closing her eyes, accepting her fate. "Fine, rain on me. I probably deserve this." Cool raindrops roll down her cheeks imitating tears and she can feel the moisture seeping into her clothes and siphoning her heat.

"Unnie?" She jumps at the voice, sounding too close and she shifts away when she opens her eyes and is greeted by the large bespectacled eyes of Gowoon. The younger girl smiles sweetly, covering her with a pale blue umbrella with ice cream cones decorating it. It’s too innocent and too young the antithesis of everything in her life. 

"Unnie! What are you doing in the rain? You're getting wet!" Gowoon grabs her arm tugging her to her feet using her umbrella to shelter them both. She's shocked when she doesn't bristle at the unexpected and too familiar manhandling. She almost rolls her eyes, what was it with the Han family and finding her during rainstorms? 

"Come on, my house isn't far. I'll make you some soup so you don't catch a cold." The other girl doesn't wait for her reply before she starts pulling her down the sidewalk. She sputters but feels her feet following obediently.

"Oppa is working late, so he won't be there to bother us."

Her heart defiantly jumps at the mention of him, she hasn't seen him in a week. She has dozens of unsent messages to him, cowardice has rendered her fingers useless though. 

"That's good." She lies, "So it'll just be us two?" She's not quite ready to meet any other members of the Han family.

The other girl nods absently, easily easing them into a riveting conversation about a boy at school who won't leave her alone. She offers to beat him up if he keeps on bothering her to which Gowoon laughs gleefully before squealing, "You sound just like Seojun oppa!" She glares at the comparison watching entranced at the young girl's uncontrollable giggles. When was the last time she'd laughed so freely? She had no recollection.

Gowoon wasn't lying and within minutes she's staring at the apartment she's only seen once before. That feels like a lifetime ago.

She immediately regrets her inability to say no to persuasive girl later when they are greeted at the door.

"Gowoon, sweetie is that you?" A maternal voice calls out and she instantly recognizes it, stiffening in the doorway. Stepping back she starts thinking of excuses, but her tongue is too heavy in her mouth and she's too slow as the woman comes around the corner halting her escape. 

She blinks unhurried as the older woman gapes at her clearly not expecting to see anyone besides her daughter.

Gowoon breaks the silence, her voice nonchalant, "Hi mom! This is my unnie Sujin, she's the one who saved me the other day! Is it okay that I brought her here for dinner, I found her in the rain!" Gowoon makes it sound like she picked up a stray puppy outside, but she knows the other girl means no harm. 

Her skin prickles at the question, anxiety filling her stomach without her permission. She's waiting for rejection. For Gowoon’s mother to say that it is not okay and she would rather eat with her daughter without a stranger intruding. 

"Of course! I didn't realize it was the same Sujin." Gowoon looks confused by her mother's statement and she feels embarrassment swarming in her belly. Oh no. She has to stop her before she reveals too much, Gowoon knows nothing and she wants to keep it that way. 

"I didn't realize you knew Sujin too, isn't this Seojun's cru.."

"Classmate!" She suddenly interjects staring at the woman with pleading eyes, she's not ready for Gowoon to know about her brothers “feelings”. She's trying her best to forgot them too.

They both stare at her and she squirms under the scrutiny, before the older woman puts her out of her misery. "Yes, Seojun mentioned her before I didn't realize she was the same person that helped you. Thank you." She freezes as the woman embraces her hand, smiling at her warmly as she thanks her. She can only stare in response, nodding dumbly.

"Come on unnie! I'll get you some warm clothes, you'll catch a cold if you keep wearing those."

She lets herself be tugged into the younger girl’s room. Just like Gowoon the room is bright and vivacious, wall covered in posters and books littering her table. It looks completely normal and it makes her ache, her own room was militarily decorated with nothing out of place and no evidence of her personality. Since she was young her father would inspect it and punish her if anything was untoward. She had stopped trying to make the room look lived in after seeing poster after poster thrown down. 

"Here unnie. You can borrow this." Her eyes bulge at a familiar blue shirt with a puppy on the front. "I know it's so embarrassing but oppa got it for me, it's really warm though." In the end he'd gotten her to wear the ridiculous shirt, she reluctantly goes off to change into the top and leggings. They are the same baby blue hue, making the outfit look like a set. She's thankful the boy isn't here to see her.

"Well don't you look adorable?" Seojun's mom coos at her when she finally comes out of the bathroom, she desperately wants to disappear. The woman must notice her ruby cheeks because she turns with a smile calling out to her daughter, "Gowoon! Come help with dinner!"

Now changed too, into cactus pajamas the younger girl bounds out grabbing an apron and tying it behind her back.

"What are are we making?" She curiously peeks over her mom's shoulder. The air between the mother and daughter is comfortable, the two leaning into each other naturally as they discuss what to make for dinner. She observes with a heavy heart as Gowoon easily puts her head on her mom's shoulder and the woman strokes her cheek lovingly. Something inside her throbs in response.

"Do you want to help?"

Shaking her head to clear the longing she looks at their mom, who's looking back at her with soft eyes already holding out another apron.

She can't control herself her yearning is too large, she stands without hesitation walking to the woman, sucking in a breath when the apron is placed over her shoulders and then tightened snuggly.

"We're making wonton soup. Have you ever made dumplings before sweetie?"

She looks at Gowoon waiting for her reply but then realizes that both pair of eyes are on her and oh, she's talking to her. She called her sweetie. Swallowing thickly she shakes her head before replying, "No. I've never made them before." She waits to be berated or at least chastised for her lack of culinary skills, her father always said a woman's place was in the kitchen.

Nothing happens. The woman hums before smiling again, she's always smiling it's so pretty. She wishes she had the courage to say the words aloud. She doesn't.

"You can help Gowoon chop the vegetables for the filling. Then we can mix it with the ground pork and I'll show you how to make the dumplings." If the woman is disappointed at all at having to teach her she's doing an incredible job of concealing her frustrations.

She accepts the knife when Gowoon hands it to her, both of them working on a wooden cutting board. They've gotten into somewhat of a rhythm slicing the chives and carrots finely for the filling. She'd never chopped vegetables before but their mom had casually stood behind her shocking her so much she almost dropped the knife, but the older woman had easily caught the utensil before holding her hand and manually showing her how to tuck her fingers and mince the vegetables. She froze before imitating the woman, she was good at replicating acts.

"That looks great sweetie! You're a fast learner!" The woman praised her turning back to the broth and adding more seasoning liberally. She preened under the attention smiling shyly before Gowoon shouted out loudly, "What about me mom? How do mine look?" They both looked at the younger girl's unevenly chopped chives and carrots, next to Sujin's perfectly identical veggies all in an even row. The difference between the two is stark. 

"They look fine dear, they'll be hidden in the dumplings anyway." Her mother tries to soothe her ego, patting her shoulder before turning back to her soup dismissively and a burst of laughter explodes from her chest at the offended look on Gowoon's face, her cheeks are red and her mouth is turned down in an exaggerated frown. The younger girl looks positively livid that her mother is not similarly singing her praises and she starts to defiantly chop more vegetables, only to have them come out even worst; even more lopsided and haggard. 

She tries to tamper her laugh but when the younger girl starts whining, crying about how her veggies were “cousins not siblings” she loses it, clutching at the counter for balance. She feels the air bursting from her lungs as she clutches at her stomach, laughing harder when Gowoon glares at her pout on her lips. The older woman joins her rubbing her daughter's back as she cries about her dignity, and then Gowoon looks at them both laughing at her and a smile spreads on her face and soon they are all laughing in the kitchen, soup bubbling beside them as a delicious aroma permeates the room.

None of them hear the front door opening or a deep voice announcing its arrival.

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He's cold, tired and wet. Once again missing the forecast for rain, he really needed to start carrying an umbrella around all the time. What was up with the weather lately anyway? Why was it raining all the damn time?  He absently thinks of a certain someone and hopes she's somewhere warm out of the rain. They always seemed to meet when the sky was pouring and raging. 

It was hard not contacting her but he wanted to listen to her requests and respect her wishes no matter how hard it was for him, it was also getting pathetic being the only one fighting for this. She hadn't outright rejected him after his confession but her silence was an answer in itself and he wanted to respect that. He wasn't too manly to admit that he was hurt, and he was reeling from being pushed away so many times already.

So he followed his mother's advice, he'd given her something that he knew she needed and expected nothing in return.

All week he'd been waking up early to cook for the girl, reading recipes off his phone  fluffy cat headband on his head keeping his fringe out of his eyes. The easier recipes like soup and grilled meats had been simple enough to accomplish but when he ventured into more complicated bento boxes that's when frustrations had arose. They looked so easy but they were tedious and he wasn’t the most patient or detail oriented person. 

He struggled to recreate the detailed meals and almost gave up,  throwing his phone across the room.

That's how his mother had found him, fuming and tugging his hair on the kitchen table. Seconds away from bashing his head into the surface and screaming at the ceiling. 

"What are you doing up so early?" He jumped at her voice, looking around at the mess he'd made in the kitchen with wide guilty eyes.

"I-I can explain." He stuttered out but couldn't come up with a feasible answer once she looked at him expectantly, arms folded. The patented mom stare. 

She had calmly walked across the room picking up his discarded phone, peering at the screen before looking back at him.

"Is this for your friend?" She shook the phone at him knowingly and he pressed his lips tight together, nodding mutely while looking away.

"Okay let's see what you have so far." His mom walked over and assessed what he had already made, nodding with a proud smile. "You did good so far, let me show you how to make a hotdog into an octopus. I did this for you all the time when you were a kid."

He was grateful when she didn't ask him any questions and it became their morning ritual, until he no longer needed guidance and he was able to make the boxes on his own. The satisfaction he felt when Suho would return the containers, clean as a whistle not even a grain of rice remaining was incomparable. It wasn't much but at least she was eating, that was all he needed even if she didn't want to see him or know that he was the one making her meals.

He sighs at himself, he told himself not to think about her but that was proving easier said than done.

Shaking himself at the front door like a wet dog, he tugs his keys from the back pocket of his jeans slotting it on the doorknob and turning.

"I'm home!" He calls out instinctively announcing his arrival as he toes off his drenched boots, but then his eyebrow lifts as he hears peals of laughter coming from the kitchen. He chuckles without knowing the joke, instantly rejuvenated by his family's abundant joy. Slipping on his slippers after hesitating a second because he doesn't recognize the shoe at the front door. When did Gowoon get those and how the hell was his little sister affording Chanel sneakers?

Those thoughts are swarming in his mind when he stomps to the kitchen, all the air sucked from his lungs when he sees an unbelievable vision. His mother and sister are grasping at each other, lost in laughter completely unaware of his presence but the image that most shocks him is Sujin, holding her stomach as she spots something on the counter that sets her off into another bout of boisterous laughter.

He can't help it he starts to categorize her every move, the way her eyes are crinkled and a stray tear is leaking out the corner, the way her nose is scrunched up like a rabbit and the way her mouth is stretched wide, visible even behind the futile shield of her hand. All of his thoughts from earlier regarding not needing to see her dissipate, he wants to tattoo this image in his mind.

"Oh! You're here!" His mother suddenly turns to face him and that causes Sujin to freeze laughter fading off with a whine, regarding him with huge bright eyes. It's almost too much once he notices what she's wearing, he wasn't prepared to see her like this in his house. It's overwhelming in the best way.

"I'm home. I'll go change and come help." Both his mother and Gowoon nod easily no longer paying him any mind but he can feel eyes on him as he runs away, trying to regain his composure and his breath. He purposely avoids Sujin's eyes not ready to see if the walls are back up at his arrival.

When he comes back out the table is already set and they've all taken a seat, the only available chair is between his mom and Sujin, so he takes a calming breath before walking over with fake confidence. He’s used to faking it until he makes it. That could be the name of his biography. 

He answers his family's questions about work and school blowing on the soup before taking a bite of the slightly lopsided dumpling. What it's lacking in appearance it more than makes up for in flavor, he groans at the delicious flavor that dances on his taste buds looking up excitedly at his mom.

"These dumplings are delicious! Thank you for the meal!" He praises his mom, happily chewing at the soft delicacy in his mouth.

"Thank you Junnie, but I didn't make the dumplings. They worked on the filling together but Sujin-ah seasoned and filled the dumplings while I made the broth and your sister helped with the side dishes." His mother smiles proudly over at the two girls, Gowoon beaming with pride but Sujin, almost disappears into her soup her head so close to the steaming hot bowl.

They haven’t said anything to each other and he's nervous to be the one to break this stalemate but he also really wants to talk to her, has wanted to since he stepped through the door and saw her smiling face. Has wanted to since that night he stormed out and didn't look back. So finally he does, gathering all his bravery to finally look over at her.

"The dumplings are great." And when she doesn't look up or seemingly react at all, he tells himself he's fine and he expected that. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet, it was his own fault for hoping when she'd explicitly told him to stop doing that.

So he goes back to eating, more lethargic than before eyes locked on nothing but his food and his spoon. It was embarrassing. He knows his cheeks are pink and he hates it.

"Thank you. I just followed your mom's directions. It was nothing."

He pauses, peeking up at her and almost choking when she shoots him a small smile before filling her bowl with more rice.

His heart thumps in his chest. Fuck.

He doesn't hear anything else the rest of the meal, too lost in his thoughts and it's only familiarity that has him standing up when everyone is finished, collecting the plates and bringing them to the sink.

"It's almost time for Sunbae, don’t wear those high heels!!" Gowoon shouts, he cringes at the name of the new drama they've been obsessively watching, he'd only tuned in one time before flabbergasted by the exorbitant amount of times the female protagonist had fallen into the arms of various men but especially the male lead. She fell off a balcony into his arms that time, with neither of them needing to be admitted to the hospital somehow. His mother and Gowoon had both hushed him when he'd voiced that particular opinion and he had happily banished himself to his room.

"Oh no, I'm going to miss it because I'm washing the dishes." He replies deadpan as his sister rolls her eyes dramatically at him, "Whatever it's your loss. Let's go I want to see if she's going to choose the sweet bad boy or the cold cute guy!"

He scoffs at the cliché characterizations scrubbing harder at the plate.

"Come on unnie!" Sujin gasps as she's tugged to the living room too, glancing over he sees his little sister place her in the middle of the couch sandwiched between her and his mother. Sujin looks overwhelmed as Gowoon animatedly tries to catch her up on the series. He shakes his head, maybe the show wasn't that bad. He could watch a few minutes with them.

He strolls casually to the living room, easing onto the ground beside his mother's legs after all the dishes are clean and drying.

"What are you doing here? I thought you despised this "cringey" show?" He leans his head back, sighing when his mother eases her fingers into his hair scratching at his scalp and he sighs content in her lap.

"I do. But it's too early to sleep so I have no choice but to watch this crap."

"Mom! He said crap!"

"Watch your language."

His mother scolds him immediately and Gowoon sticks out her tongue at him vindicated because he got in trouble and immaturely he does it back, tugging off her sock much to her chagrin, dodging her when she tries to kick him.

Sujin looks back and forth between them both before discretely looking at their mother, she seems shocked when all the woman does is chuckle and say, "Children please. Do I need to remind you that we have a guest?" He looks away bashfully not wanting to look childish in front of Sujin, he hadn't thought about that. That makes them settle down and he finally looks at the TV, groaning loudly when low and behold the heroine is falling again, tripping over a candy wrapper on the ground.

"She falls a lot. She should probably wear protective gear." Sujin says breaking their new silence and he chuckles at her observation, happy that someone agrees with him, excitedly he turns to her "Right! Last time she fell off a balcony!" He shouts in disbelief and suddenly they're all arguing about the feasibility of someone surviving that. His mother shaking her head fondly at them, choosing to say out of it which makes Gowoon pout because she's outnumbered.

"Okay who would you choose Unnie, the tsundere type or the bad boy with a heart of gold?" Suddenly he's very invested in her answer, he tries not to react staring at the ceiling and breathing evenly but inside his heart is thundering ready to pound out of his chest.

A few seconds drag on and he wonders if she's not going to answer, he doesn't even know why he cares so much but curiously is gripping at him. He knows that this doesn't mean anything necessarily and he's not getting his hopes up but--

"The sweet guy. He just looks like a bad boy but he's sweet to her, he never says anything mean to her. That would be nice." She answers, trailing off at the end and he hears Gowoon instantly disagreeing saying the other guy is way better, but he can barely hear his sister over the thumping of his heart in his ears, he can't help the wide smile that spreads on his face. 

He turns to hide it in his mom's lap.

It doesn't leave his face the rest of the night.

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It's getting late, she knows that it's time for her to take her leave she's been imposing on them for too long but....she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to leave, they are so warm. She's never seen a family like this outside of television shows, how was it possible that this was their real life? How could they have a mother who was that loving? Everything they did was greeted with fond exasperation, where was the reprimanding or cold backhanded words that cut like a knife?

She'd even treated her kindly, calling her sweetie more than she said her name. And she got used to it similar to how she'd gotten used to Seojun calling her princess, she knew she should fight it but she didn't want to. She was ashamed to say she liked it. 

She tries to soak it up for as long as she can before she says reluctantly, "I should probably go. it's getting late." Then she watches in a daze as the woman races off before returning with containers stacked and tied in a bag.

Before she can argue or refuse their mom is already shaking her head, "You made this so it's only right that you take it home. I won't take no for an answer." At this point that should have been the Han family motto she thinks fondly. But she accepts the food, bowing in gratitude at the simple act of kindness.

"Unnie, can I have your number? I just realized I don't have it and we're so close!" Gowoon thrusts her phone out with two hands, giving her the biggest puppy eyes she's ever seen. Without a word she accepts the phone, punching in her number before handing it back. She hadn’t realized the girl considered them close, but she finds that she doesn’t mind it at all. 

"Thank you! I'll text you so you can have my number too." The younger girl dances in celebration before grabbing her in a hug, she awkwardly pats her on the back once before she's finally set free. They're all so naturally affectionate and she's not the least bit accustomed to it, used to harsh words and slaps instead of praises and hugs.

"Get home safely sweetie. Junnie! Where did you go? Come walk her home!" She rushes to say it's okay she doesn't need an escort home, she's fine walking by herself it truly wasn't that far it turned out. But Seojun comes out of his room, changed again with a coat on and a beanie. Walking over to them he thrusts a sweater at her, when she looks blankly he replies sounding defensive, "It's probably colder now. Put this on too." He pushes it at her again firmer and she grabs it, gasping when their fingers brush.

It's a thick dark green sweater with fleece lining the interior and it smells just like his earthy cologne, she wants to give it back. Instead she puts it on over her borrowed long sleeve shirt from Suho and feels like a child playing dress up when it reaches the bottom of her knees. She knows what he's thinking when he smirks at her, she wasn't short he was just a damn giant.

She takes off the slippers and slides back into her sneakers, thankful that they're dry now. She's distracted by Seojun's heat, he's so close to her putting on his own boots. So much so she nearly misses what his mother says, "Get home safely. Please come again soon, I need more maturity in this house." Seojun and Gowoon both shout affronted but all she can see is the genuine smile on her face, she finds herself nodding throat too thick for words. When she's pulled into another hug, this time she has to blink away tears arms still by her side. She’s vibrating from keeping her emotions contained. 

They are walking side by side, the sounds of the city filling the silence that would be present. Every once in a while their arms brush but he moves away after the third time and she feels cold, more so than when the wind blows.

They're getting closer to Suho's apartment and she's wrecking her brain to find something to say to him, knowing that the ball is in her court; it always has been. She's just terrified to swing her racket. What if she misses? Or trips and embarrasses herself? It was usually better to just do nothing then you wouldn't be disappointed.

With each step she loses more courage until they are standing in front of the building and she still hasn't said anything.

Coward.

They stand awkwardly looking at the building pointedly avoiding each other and she finally speaks, "Oh your sweater! Here you go." She says stupidly, not at all what she wanted to say but she starts to pull the sweater off to commit to her exclamation. However he steps back shaking his head at her.

"It's cold. Just wear it upstairs. I'll get it later from Suho, you won't have to see me again. Go up." He sounds deflated, nothing like the animated jokester she'd seen just minutes at his apartment. It aches that she's the one making him act this way.

Then he turns around after looking at her, all of the light drained from his eyes.

He takes three large steps, putting immeasurable space between them in no time and she knows that if she lets him walk away right now he might not come back and that's a gut wrenching thought that makes her chase after him.

Thoughtlessly, she grabs his arm halting his exit from her life.

"Wait!" She shouts, but at the first touch of her hand on his forearm he's already frozen, still in her arms. He doesn't turn around. She shoots him a silent mental thank you, even if it's not his intention it's much easier to say what's on her mind like this without him facing her and her feeling too open and vulnerable. 

"I know you're the one making me food." There was supposed to be a thank you somewhere in there but instead she ends up sounding accusatory, and he tenses instantly his arm tight in her grasp.

"I'll stop. I know you told me to leave you alone. I--just. There's no excuse. I'll stop."

His voice is strained and this is going all wrong already, she's ruining everything.

Letting go of his arm, she sidesteps and brazenly moves directly in front of him. She can't keep hiding from this. She needed to be vulnerable, that was the only way he could understand.

His eyes are wet.

She gasps at the sight, not expecting it and so jealous at his ability to just feel and be seen. She was always hiding from everything. 

"Don't."

He doesn't give her a chance to finish.

"Sujin. Let me go. I know already, I know it all. I can't like you, I shouldn't get my hopes up, I need to mind my business. I know it all!" He shouts, pain marring his face but she notices how he still tugs his arm free gently, still careful about harming her even while he’s breaking down. 

She doesn’t deserve this. 

This is all her fault she knows that to be an objective truth, but the way he throws her own words back at her makes her realize how cruel she'd been while trying to spare him. She hadn't spared anything, the pain in his eyes and voice makes that abundantly clear.

"Don't stop. Don't give up on me." She finishes, staring at him with her own wet eyes, tears prickling at them.

His shoulders sink as he stares at her, lost and hesitant. 

"I'm sorry. I’m sorry for saying those things to you.  I can't promise I won't push you away again. I'm...I'm fucked up Seojun-ah. I'm a fucking mess. But I want to stop, I don't want to push people away."

I don't want to push you away. But she’s still too much of a coward to say that out loud. 

"Sujin, what-what are you trying to say?" He looks at her with guarded eyes, not yet ready to believe the words coming out of her mouth.

"I want to be friends."

She watches him wrestle with her sentence, hurt being covered up by a façade and she's not obtuse, she knows that's not the answer he was hoping for. Knows he thinks she's friend zoning and clipping the wings of his feelings.

"That's all I can deal with right now. I have a lot to work on, I need to work on me." It may seem like a cop out, an excuse but it's the most honest she's ever been with herself, it's not that she doesn't like him she might- if the way her heart thumps when he’s around says anything- but more importantly she has realized that she doesn’t like herself.

"Right now." He repeats in awe, she blinks confused before realizing the implications of her words, she starts sputtering trying to backtrack but he's too quick beating her to the punch.

"I can do friends. For now." She blushes at the beaming smile on his face, his happiness over such a small acquiesce is too much. Why did he have to wear his heart so obviously on his sleeves?

They stand simply staring at each other. Locked in the moment.

She might need to remind her heart that they'd only agreed to be friends.

For now.

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I don't like onions.

She doesn't know what possesses her to text him first, or what compels her to send that particular message. She starts googling if there's a way to unsend messages, instead finding stories from others regaling their own embarrassing messages and finding solace that she isn't alone in this feeling. 

She jumps when her phone vibrates. Slowly turning it over like it's a ticking bomb.

Of course you'd be a picky eater. Onions are good for you.

She rolls her eyes at the message, he was such a nagger.

It's not good if I don't enjoy it.

Alright princess, noted. No more onions. Are you okay with chicken teriyaki tomorrow?

She recalls the delicious chicken teriyaki he'd made for her just days ago, it was succulent and juicy and she'd fought Suho over it, reminding him that this was her food and she replies quickly.

Yes! Do you have more kimchi?

I do. I'll pack some.

She stares at the phone, in disbelief at the how easy it is to talk to him again, like there was an empty spot in her life, a Seojun shaped gap that was now filled once more. She wasn't fixed, she had meant what she told him; she couldn't examine her feelings for him yet. But she needed him in her life, he was there when she needed someone and now no one else would do.

I missed you.

[bakugousbabygirl]

Tower Of Mistakes

pairings: bakugou x uraraka mentions, bakugou x ex!gf reader

genre: pure angst

word count: 1,623

cw: cursing|| mentions of self hatred|| jealously || self deprecation|| mirror punching

sypnosis: in which the reader realizes the split between bakugou and herself was her own undoing and she reminisces on where it all went wrong

short little song fic because i was bored also i didnt know how to end it so sorry that the ending is shit lmao😹😹

"Maybe you're better off with her?"

Her smile beamed brightening up the entire room, infecting everyone around her making them all smile and laugh also. She'd just given Bakugou a beaded bracelet for their 6-month anniversary making the blond boy blush and grow flustered as his friends gathered around to see the gift.

"Get the fuck away from us you dumb extras!" He yelled, but by now the "Baku-squad" as they'd been dubbed knew there was no real malice behind his harsh words.

"Cmon bakubro, let us see what Uraraka-Kun got you."Kirishima said playfully nudging him in an attempt to see the bracelet.

Behind Bakugou's yelling, you could see the slight smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. He was happy, he deserved it. She was good for him. So why do you still feel that sharp pang in your chest, the festering feeling of jealousy crawling through your veins?

Not being able to stand the joyous sight you get up from your seat trying not to make a scene calmly exiting the classroom. As soon as the door slides close behind you, you run. Tears cloud your vision-obscuring your view as you navigate your way to the bathroom luckily not bumping into anyone along the way.

Entering the restroom you slam and lock the heavy wooden door behind you making sure nobody can come in and ruin your pity party. God, you felt so pathetic like this. Crying over your ex who's obviously moved on. Raising your head to look at your reflection in the mirror you hate what you saw.

The bags under your eyes prominent and puffy due to the immense lack of sleep you've been getting and the constant crying in bed every night. Your skin was starting to break out from the stress and that glow you once held in your eyes was now dull. It angered you, what exactly? You couldn't pinpoint.

Was it the fact he was happy? Maybe it was that he got with Ms.Perfect and you felt as if you paled in comparison to her? How his face lights up every time he saw her approaching giving her a small smile that he never gave you? Or even the fact that this was all your fault? Yeah, that sounds about right. What angered you most is that you were the cause of this. You were the reason for the split. You're why he's with little miss sunshine and you're now left lonely and bitter.

" I had to use you to make me feel strong"

You were a leech, a parasite, nothing more than a pest who drained all of Bakugou's energy. While yes you were in class 1-A at the most elite hero school you were significantly weaker than your classmates. Your quirk was nothing to be scoffed at but by no means but you didn't know how to make it work efficiently and reach your full potential.

While your classmates excelled and grew it was like you were on the decline and Bakugou being the great boyfriend he was he refused to let you fail. Did you need help with your physical strength? Bet, he's waking you up at 6 am before classes start to workout with him. The physical recoil of your quirk wearing you out? No problem he's in your dorm room giving you a message to get all the kinks out of you back and brought over some food he cooked for you.

He saw no problem with doing any of this for you because he was your boyfriend but it was all give and no take for him. He was amazing for you but you were too consumed in your own need to get better you never paid him any attention unless you needed something.

He had an exam and he needed to stay up late to study for? You just gave him a kiss on the cheek and wished him good luck instead of bringing him snacks and water opting to sleep in his room that night like he would've done for you. The sweet caramel scent of his sweat after practice attracting bugs to his dorm room? You just laugh and tell him to "sleep tight and don't let the bugs bite" instead of getting him bug repellent like he would've done for you.

It was just the same level of effort he gave to you was never reciprocated. This frayed your relationship making you two grow more distant from one another as he stopped going the extra mile for you and returned the same amount of effort you gave him. That's when you started paying more attention to him. Vying for more of his time when one afternoon it all came to ahead.

Bakugou was getting ready to leave when you were pestering him to come to your dorm and cuddle with you when he snapped accusing you of only using him as your personal assistant and of course you clapped back with how he's been ignoring you lately.

"Duh, you fucking dumbass! I haven't been giving you any attention because that's what you've always fucking done for me! Nothing," He yelled in your face pushing your hand off him making you stagger back a bit. If looks could kill you'd be 6 feet under right now. The look he gave you was full of disgust and contempt.

"It's pretty fucking shitty that you only notice I'm gone when I'm not doing something that benefits you. you know what though (y/n) fuck you. I'm done with this shit." He said no longer yelling but the voice still full of anger as he shook his head exiting your dorm room.

" I see a tower built out of my mistakes and it all comes crashing down."

The realization hit you full force making a loud sob rack through your chest. It took you 6 months to realize you'd been a shitty neglectful girlfriend. Looking at yourself in the mirror only fueled your self-hatred and anger making you punch the mirror making it shatter and splinter into pieces as small shards broke off and fell on to the floor. The remaining pieces showing a broken image of yourself akin to how you feel inside making you give a small forced laugh. A sudden sting made you look down at your hand and see your knuckles were badly cut and oozing blood but you couldn't be bothered right now.

You stumbled back into the door of the stalls sliding down on to the cold tiled floor, the chill cooling down your burning body. Catching your breath from your previous sobbing you thought back on all the times he went the extra mile for you. He was a good boyfriend to you right down to the wire. You felt like such a fuck up and the worst part is you knew he didn't hate you.

After wallowing in your sadness you got up and went to your locker opting to just bandage up your hand instead of going to recovery girls' office and hear her nagging. With 30 minutes left of the free period you made your way back to class, you'd only been gone for 15 minutes but it seemed like an hour. Upon re-entering the room a few glances were on your hand but the demeanor you held stopped anyone from questioning you as you slowly sat back down in your seat.

Laying your head down on the desk folded your arms around yourself blocking out the rest of the world beginning to doze off.

[karliahs]

“I’ll get the jackets,” Tim says, and hopes it’s something, one more little signal for the thing he doesn’t know how to put into words anymore. If Tim is no longer a thing of easy pleasures, he hopes he can become a creature of effort - of intentional, worked-for warmth.

Jon squeezes in return before taking his hand back, his grip delicate and warm. Tim rifles through a wardrobe for two soft hoodies, paying little mind to who they belonged to - Jon was a known clothing thief who gained power from appropriating Tim and Martin’s jackets. 

By the time he’s shrugged one on and headed out into the living room, Jon is standing by the open backdoor, looking out over the heathers and hillside beyond. He looks dazed, more than anything, finding all that space stretching out in front of him, and Tim can’t tell if it’s loss or gratitude holding him there. A surge of tenderness goes through him at the sight, and Tim almost laughs at himself as he pads over to join Jon. You're going soft, Stoker, he thinks. After all that, you're going soft.

Once again, Tim sees an echo of a place they haven't quite reached: sees himself tugging the jacket around Jon's shoulders like a blanket. Instead, he hands it over and leads Jon outside to the rickety chairs. It's not hesitance holding him back exactly, and certainly not a lack of desire. It's more like…care. Care he never would have needed before.

 He drags his own chair a little closer to Jon's before he sits down, knowing Jon sees him do it, letting him note and process this intentional drawing closer. Tim used to flirt lightning-fast and joyous, instinctual, safe in the knowledge that he could fall a little in love with half the people he met, so what did rejection or awkwardness matter, really? But Jon takes things slowly these days, and Tim is relearning love as a back and forth, as goodbyes and welcomes. He is luxuriating in having time to wait and see what will come of the two of them. The three of them. 

"Martin shouldn't be long," Tim says into the silence.

"It's Saturday," Jon replies, sounding weary but fond. "He always dawdles at the markets."

"I could text him," Tim offers. "Chivy him along a bit."

Jon shakes his head. "You're…it's fine, Tim. I…I need you, too. Both of you." His voice is low and his eyes are fixed on the horizon.

from nothing sweeter than local honey

!!!! thank you for asking!! alright here we go:

“I’ll get the jackets,” Tim says, and hopes it’s something, one more little signal for the thing he doesn’t know how to put into words anymore. If Tim is no longer a thing of easy pleasures, he hopes he can become a creature of effort - of intentional, worked-for warmth.

i will try not to make this self-deprecating because that's no fun for anyone, but this is not one of my most-edited fics so my brain is already yelling SHOW DON'T TELL at me. the last thing i will say on this matter!

so much of this fic was just me thinking about what it would be like if tim got to have an after. any after. what would a good life for him look like that also acknowledges he's been fundamentally changed by his experiences - and knows that himself too, because tim's smart and self-aware

love concrete gestures in place of things you don't know how to say. 'i want you to be warm, i'll help take care of you, we're a team so i will take this if you take that'

'creature of effort' is a little bit harking back to one of my fave quotes by leslie jamison: 'I believe in intention and I believe in work. I believe in waking up in the middle of the night and packing our bags and leaving our worst selves for our better ones.'

Jon squeezes in return before taking his hand back, his grip delicate and warm. Tim rifles through a wardrobe for two soft hoodies, paying little mind to who they belonged to - Jon was a known clothing thief who gained power from appropriating Tim and Martin’s jackets.

i usually try to sort of apply critical thinking before simply adopting popular fanon into my own work but jon sims: clothing thief is GOOD and it can stay

also the small intimacies of living side by side, intermingled clothes, no longer feeling a need to insist on what exactly is mine or yours

By the time he’s shrugged one on and headed out into the living room, Jon is standing by the open backdoor, looking out over the heathers and hillside beyond. He looks dazed, more than anything, finding all that space stretching out in front of him, and Tim can’t tell if it’s loss or gratitude holding him there. A surge of tenderness goes through him at the sight, and Tim almost laughs at himself as he pads over to join Jon. You're going soft, Stoker, he thinks. After all that, you're going soft.

i like little scaps of realism among my h/c to make the comfort even juicier, and so one of the things i nitpick myself on is not having every character just look at the other person and immediately know everything that's going on in their head - which happens partly because describing expressions is hard! so that's why tim can't 100% tell what jon is feeling in this moment

i think jon is actually thinking something like: wide open exposed space in front of me, is that safe? footsteps approaching from behind, even though i know who they belong to, is that safe? do i make myself less safe, provoking those around me, by not totally believing in this safety? do i deserve safety if i can't feel its presence? am i wasting this maybe-safe time by worrying about whether or not i deserve it?

having lots of space in front of them is obvs Metaphorical. they have a future now and that's terrifying and good. what do you do when you're alive and you never expected to be. can we endure it, the rain finally stopped?

tim's thoughts there slip into a more playful cadence - he's making jokes, even just to himself - to reinforce that that hope is still there.

Once again, Tim sees an echo of a place they haven't quite reached: sees himself tugging the jacket around Jon's shoulders like a blanket. Instead, he hands it over and leads Jon outside to the rickety chairs. It's not hesitance holding him back exactly, and certainly not a lack of desire. It's more like…care. Care he never would have needed before.

again in terms of pockets of realism...a lot of times in romance things just Happen, people are just drawn in by the tide of it and find themselves doing perfect romantic things. and that's nice!! but there is something more real and kind of more romantic to me about making choices, building on small gestures, going slow because you care so much about this. you leave and then you come back, and you get them their jacket, and you hope it all says: look, i'm here, i'm trying, let's try

He drags his own chair a little closer to Jon's before he sits down, knowing Jon sees him do it, letting him note and process this intentional drawing closer. Tim used to flirt lightning-fast and joyous, instinctual, safe in the knowledge that he could fall a little in love with half the people he met, so what did rejection or awkwardness matter, really? But Jon takes things slowly these days, and Tim is relearning love as a back and forth, as goodbyes and welcomes. He is luxuriating in having time to wait and see what will come of the two of them. The three of them.

i always really appreciate characters who seem to have a genuine love of people - gregarious, high-charisma people where it stems from loving people in general

in my mind these little concrete offerings show how well tim knows jon, deep down. i would imagine jon as someone who doesn't always pick up on nuanced emotions exclusively communicated through words and prefers when there are actions to back them up, partly because that's the way he communicates himself. 'tim says he forgives me' is a lot harder to hold onto than 'tim brought my favourite berries back from tesco, tim brought me a jacket, tim could have sat further away but is choosing to be close'

"Martin shouldn't be long," Tim says into the silence.

"It's Saturday," Jon replies, sounding weary but fond. "He always dawdles at the markets."

"I could text him," Tim offers. "Chivy him along a bit."

Jon shakes his head. "You're…it's fine, Tim. I…I need you, too. Both of you." His voice is low and his eyes are fixed on the horizon.

lil realism: there are awkward silences sometimes

i don't know how to explain it but it feels so right to me that jon would use the word dawdle. and that tim would say chivy. they're dorks your honour

sorry martin is sir-not-appearing-in-this-fic, in my defence i do not like to write martin because i am not good at it. he's shopping. let him shop

love that jon here is trying to communicate the fact that he cares about them and also has some needs, sometimes. he's trying! he's had time and space in which to get to a place where he can try!

'eyes fixed on the horizon' it's the future and they have one. this whole fic is me going there's a future and they're going to be in it together, that is so simple and yet so huge that you'd need forever to get your head around it

#

[omgbigfluffwriting]

Harry Potter and The Wrong Potion

Chapter 2:

26 weeks

Hermione was shocked. Lately, Draco had been *almost* courteous to her, dropping ‘Mudblood’ for her given name. She wondered if Spencer had anything to do with that. “You okay, Hermione?” Draco asked.

“Not that I'm complaining, but what happened to ‘Mudblood’?” Hermione asked. Draco flushed.

“Dobby gave me a lecture a few weeks ago about being nicer to the mother of my children. I can't believe I was lectured by a house elf!” Draco groaned. Hermione laughed. She couldn't believe Dobby lectured Draco either. “Do you think Potter put him up to it?”

“I don't think so but I won't put it past Harry or my brother.” Hermione admitted.

---

Spencer stroked his girlfriend’s rounded belly. “I know Draco ‘spiked’ the Wiggenweld potion,” he said. His own was nestled against her back. “He seems to have an issue with Hermione and I.”

“He never had brains to the extent of yours and Mione’s.” Y/N mumbled. Spencer chuckled. “Second year, she managed to brew a polyjuice potion. I only found out because I went looking for her on McGonagall's request. She should have been in Ravenclaw.”

“Maybe,” he replied. “Next time, I'm not doing this again.” It was her turn to chuckle.

“We’ll see. We may not want any more kids beyond these two.” Spencer smirked as he caressed her swollen belly.

“I probably could convince you to have more.” He mumbled. She laughed as he tickled her.

---

“Hermione, I can't get rid of them...” Draco sobbed. “And the Dark Lord...” Hermione knew what Draco left unsaid. Voldemort would not allow Draco to carry her children to term. “You’re the most gifted witch in our year... there's got to be something you can do.” Hermione blinked. Was Draco Malfoy asking for her help?

“Malfoy, are you really asking me for help?” Draco fervently nodded. “What would you do to save our children?”

“Bloody anything, Granger!” he snapped. 

“Even marry filthy little ol’ me?” Hermione jokingly asked. Draco knelt.

“Even that.” he confirmed. Hermione gasped. “Father and Mother will be furious anyway but I don't care. I want all four of our children together...”

Hermione absentmindedly rubbed her abdomen, then took out her wand. “Graviditate evanescet.” she said. Draco gasped as his figure returned to normal and Hermione used her wand on her belly, adding, “infans graviditate augere.” Her belly swelled  to the natural size of one who was pregnant with quads. She almost lost her balance but Draco caught her.

“Thank you Granger!” he declared as he lifted her up, twirled her around and kissed her on the cheek, setting her down. “Keep them safe.” 

“I will... And Malfoy?” he looked down at her. “Keep yourself safe.” he nodded and took off.

Spencer came in, staring at Malfoy who was now back to normal. Then he looked at Hermione and stared. “Did Malfoy have an abortion?” He asked. Hermione glared at her brother.

“No, I'm now pregnant with his quads.” Hermione quietly snapped. She felt irritable with her increased girth. “I transferred the triplets to me, Spencer.”

“You did?" Hermione nodded.

“I think it’s safer if Voldemort thinks he had a miscarriage.” Hermione answered as she placed her hand on her belly.

---

Malfoy returned to Hermione reading. “Hey how are you feeling?” he asked solicitously.

“Sore.” she admitted as he sat down next to her “Do you...” Draco shook his head.

“They’re better off with you than me right now. Besides...” he took her hand. “I think I like you pregnant.” Hermione rolled her eyes. “Hermione, I meant it when I said you were the brightest witch in our year... I'm also aware that I'm starting to sound like Potter and Weasley in some aspects... not that I'm happy or proud of it.” Hermione snorted.

“Ron and Harry haven't called me mudblood.” Hermione offered. “I also haven't felt the need to punch either of their noses.” Draco gave a self-deprecating laugh.

“Good, we can keep things diplomatic and civilized,”  he said.

“What's your point, Malfoy?” Hermione asked.

“I didn't want to get mushy but...” Draco paused, thinking. Should he admit he was in love with Hermione? Some part of him had been trying to deny the fact that he’d been in love with her since the day she’d punched him in the nose.

“Hold that thought, one of our children is intent on using my bladder as a trampoline.” Hermione replied with a small smile as she got up.

Draco shot her belly an annoyed look. Here he was trying to confess to their mother that he was in love with her and his children decided to interrupt. Well, this gave him time to think. Would it be best to just blurt it out, like Potter and Weasley would do or to just...show her?

Before he had decided on how he was to do it, Lucius Malfoy appeared. “I heard that Granger is having my grandchildren?!” Draco's father barked.

“Don’t worry Father, that mudblood and her bastard whelps will be finished off within a day or two. I know how to honor the Malfoy name.” Draco replied, acting the dutiful son but secretly shaking with fear and anger inside. However, Hermione - his dear, darling Hermione - had heard everything.

“Good. Those brats will sully our name and standing with the Dark Lord. May I ask how she got that way?” Draco closed his eyes briefly as he hoped Hermione could forgive him. “You didn't have sex with her, did you?” his father asked as he slapped him

Draco scoffed. His eyes were pure rage while he stared at his blurred reflection on the floor. He closed his eyes again while swallowing all that wrath inside his chest. “Father... Do you really believe that I’m truly capable of feeling any desire for that filthy whore? Not even if I wished to do that only for the fun to ruin her, I'd never risk the exact chance of what is happening, to mingle our pure family blood with that mudblood and generate such abomination.”

Hermione felt her heart sinking inside her chest as if part of her soul was being ripped out. She felt the heavy air surrounding her while she was blinded by tears that couldn't stop welling from her eyes. There was not one inch of movement inside her from the babies which made her worry about their overhearing Draco's words.

“Thank Slytherin I was wrong, then.” Lucius shot back. He turned to leave, adding, “Take care of it, or I will and you will be next after them.” As soon as the portrait slammed shut, Draco heard footsteps running away.

"Shit... Hermione, wait!" He shouted as soon as he realized she overheard everything. 

“That’s it, I'm leaving Hogwarts tonight, taking them far away from your evil influence. I don't want them to know you, and I'll do all in my power to stop them from ever meeting you. ” Draco paled. "And!" she said in a way to not only punch him in the stomach but also stab him in the chest. "Guess what? Your and your father's worst nightmare is about to happen. I indeed will stain your cursed family's name with these children and I'll raise them as I was raised. Among muggles, like me and my family!" She emphasized with tears of rage sprinkling from her eyes, her face red as her blood was boiling inside her veins for how she felt betrayed and stupid about believing him, and worst, falling in love with him, although she won't admit that even to herself. "We will vanish, disappear and you will never ever find us."

Draco paled. He had fucked up royally. “Can’t you see that I did that for you and our children? You don’t know me at all, you still think I'm an awful person. I've changed Hermione. I want you and our children!” He tried to argue desperately, losing all his words with the growing panic of losing the love of his life and the fruits of it. 

"Do you really believe you can fool me again, at all?! How dare you?! It's insulting! Or haven't you learned what your bloody mouth had said earlier today that I'm the most smart and intelligent of our year, but to be sincere everyone knows it! How stupid are you to believe I'm the one who can be fooled? You're fooling yourself. If I ever seemed to believe you could change, it is because I was trying for the sake of the children, to find something good in you for them. It was an attempt to give you a chance. But I always knew the truth. Well that and of course, the hormones. Probably it was the good from me in my children that made them want me to find something worthy in you to justify the part of you in them."

“Her...” he tried.

"Sure, act as the coward you always were. Going out in the right way. You don't even have the balls to face your deeds! Easy to in the end, let your father take the blame for your death, because you can't do it yourself! That's so typical of you, right? How could I expect anything different?!" By that time she was yelling out of her lungs. 

The truth is, she was desperate, for many obvious reasons but the worst, she was furious because somehow, deep down, she indeed would care if he died and how dared he blackmail her like that?

“Hermi...” He tried again.

"Go ahead and do it! That will be just the cherry on the top of this cake! Then I can tell your children that you never really cared at all about them! Not even to fucking act as the least regular villain and chase them down till the end of the world, just to maybe turn them to your stupid dark side. You can't even do that?" She stopped. 

She was trying, she really was, after all the hits, he should react. Shouldn't he? But she was starting to feel totally hopeless while her voice was toning down. Suddenly she feels dizzy and her hand tries to find a tree in time so she can hold herself on it. She was about to faint. Draco stopped, stomped up to and kissed her.

Hermione was already feeling breathless and with the kiss she felt like all the air was drained from her.  She kissed back for a few seconds before she realized what was going on. She then opened her eyes wide and pushed him away a bit in a try to understand what was happening and catch some oxygen. "What are you doing?" She speaks almost voiceless.

“I was trying to tell you earlier that I love you when our children and my father so rudely interrupted me. What I told him was not the truth. The truth is that I am so madly, no, deeply in love with you, Hermione Granger.”

She felt her eyes burning. She was sure they were red. She opened her mouth a bit, stuttered, closed it. She didn't know what to say while staring at him. First because her mind was completely empty, not only for the dizziness she felt like fainting or all the recent overwhelming occurrences since the troublesome potion was altered and by who, but now it was all centered on the words he, Draco Malfoy - and how many times she repeated his name now in her head to make it at least tangible to her understanding - himself just pronounced, announced and confessed. “You…” She totally couldn't believe it, and even if she did, she shouldn't, right? But... she saw no lies in his eyes. “You cannot... Why?”

She started to lean back to the tree, trying to find a rational, logical explanation to justify the reason why he was saying that. But of course couldn't it be just the most simple answer, that in fact, he indeed just meant exactly what he said. “It's because of the children.” She suddenly realizes while saying it as a whisper and her eyes looked down on the grass. She smirks a bit. “Right.”

“No.” Draco shook his head. “I’ve been in love with you since the day you punched me in the face.” Hermione blinked and nearly screamed when she saw Lucius Malfoy standing behind Draco.

“You lied to me.” He lifted his wand but Hermione was faster.

“Expelliarmus!” she called out. Draco caught his father's wand. 

“That’s enough!” A new voice called out. It was Minerva McGonagall with Severus Snape behind her. “Malfoy, Granger, inside your common room now.” They both hurried back into the common room.

“I love you Hermione.” Draco repeated.

“I love you too Draco.” Hermione said in return. “My room or yours?”

“Why?” Draco asked.

“Call me a prude if you like, but there is no way I'm having four kids with a man I've never slept with.”

“Mine.” Draco decided.

---

Draco couldn't believe it. In exchange for half of his father's fortune, Draco was never to contact his parents again. ‘Having Hermione and our children will be worth my parents' silence...’ he thought fiercely as he held Hermione in his arms, feeling his children kick. He was lucky Hermione forgave him. Perhaps now he could enjoy being pregnant without Voldemort finding out...

“Don't even think about recreating that potion disaster.” Hermione said with a smirk.

“I was hoping if I recreated it, it would be drinkable.” Draco said simply. 

“Why?” Hermione  asked. Draco shrugged. 

There was plenty of time to tell Hermione about it. What he wanted to make was a cross between the fertility and polyjuice potions to create an insta - preggo potion.

But first, he needed to apologize to the one person besides Hermione that could help him accomplish his goal plus give him his blessing to marry Hermione.

[allnamesredacted]

Late night thoughts

Genre: hurt/comfort

Pairings: Todoroki x reader

WARNINGS: anxiety, late night anxious thoughts, self deprecation, swearing

A/n: I've never wrote fan fiction before???? Idk what I'm doing??? Idk how to right for characters that aren't mine???? Ok that's all

~~~~~~~~

You often got anxiety late at night. It always came at the worst moment: when you were lying in bed, just about to fall asleep. While your mind was wandering through your usual pleasent fantasies, a sudden thought clashed through your mind, breaking your calm. An unpleasant thought: the worst case scenario of a problem you were going through at that moment. Every time it came, you tried to rationalise it away, saying things like: it's okay, that's never gonna happen, it's not real, and anyway now is not the time to resolve my problems! It's one in the fucking morning. But your stupid brain would't listen. The thought remained and only grew more persistent. So you turned in your bed, trying to shake it away, but it stayed. Finally you turned on the light and tried to control your uneasy breathing, getting up and pacing around your room a bit, maybe going and getting a glass of water. That usually worked after you did it a few times.

Towards the end of the year, wjth exams coming, your mind was full of potential late night anxieties, so your sleep suffered a lot.

After a nice movie night date at your house, your boyfriend Todoroki decided to stay the night. You were sure that after such a pleasent and relaxing evening, snuggled in the arms of the love of your life, the thoughts would stay away.

You were laying in bed, your head placed on his chest, his arms wrapped loosely around your body as he slept soundly. It was 2 o'clock in the morning and you were still awake. The thoughts came in the end, of course they did. As visions of your worst nightmares started flashing in front of your mind's eye, your breath started falthering, growing faster and unstediear by the second. 'Stop it. You can't do this right now. Everything is fine. This is perfect. This is your dream. He's your dream. You can't wake him. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.'

But they wouldn't shut up. You had to get up, you had to turn on the light or something. You gently moved Todoroki's arms and got up, trying not to wake his peaceful sleeping form. You couldn't bother him. This wasn't his burden to bear.

You walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. 'Get a hold of yourself, damn it. It's ok. It's all fucking ok. Just stop. Stop. Stop.' Tears started forming in your eyes and rolled down your face. 'No. No. No. Now's not the time. You have to sleep.'

"Y/n? Are you ok?" Todoroki asked with a knock on the door.

'Fuck' you thought, 'see what you fucking did. You woke him up. Now he's not gonna sleep because of you.'

"Yep! Everything's fine!" but the crack in your voice gave everything away.

"Are you sure?" Todoroki asked with growing concern.

"Mhmm," damn it voice, pull it together.

"I'm coming in." he said firmly, opening the door.

'No. Please no. Shit, why didn't I lock it. Why the fuck didn't I lock it.'

You turned away as he came in, rubbing the tears from your eyes as you desperately tried to stop the flow.

"Are you ok? Are you sick? Do you need to throw up?" he asked, making his way over to you and placing a hand on your shoulder.

You automatically move to shake his hand off your shoulder. You can't see his face but you know he's shocked and very concerned.

"No. Yes. Yes, I'm ok. No, I'm not sick." you say, desperately trying to sound convincing.

"Y/n. You're obviously not ok. Please tell me what's wrong so I can help."

"No! You don't have to deal with it! I'm sorry for waking you up. It's my fault my brain makes me feel this way-"

"Y/n. Sleep is the last thing on my mind right now. If you're not ok then that's my concern. I want to help you because I love you. I care about you and I'm here for you. I want you to be happy. Please tell me what's going on. And don't say it's your fault, because I'm sure it's not." his voice was firm but soft at the same time. It made you feel safe. It made you melt. You stopped blocking the flow of tears and started spewing out everything that was on your mind: "I always get anxious at night...but now with all the exams and everything that's going on it's just so much worse and it's so scary and I don't know why I always feel like this and I think I'm never gonna stop feeling this way and it's so scary and I don't know how to make it stop and- and..."

Todoroki listened closely and then wrapped his arms around you, his warm body enclosing you and making you feel so safe, so at home. Everything was ok. You sobbed into his chest and allowed all of your worries to pour out. He held you firmly and whispered: "It's gonna be ok. Everything's ok right now. You're safe. I'm here. And I'm always gonna be here. Everything's gonna be ok in the end. You're ok."

Once you calmed down enough he carried you back into your bedroom. He turned on the lamp on your bedside table and stroked your hair as you lay on his chest. You were finally at peace. And you finally fell asleep.

[cassiedangerclouds]

Everything Is Green {Krii7y}

DeviantArt: SugarHigh100 (Smii7y)

Twitter: Beaudicea (Kryoz)

~

Trigger Warning!: In this story, I will write about colour blindness. Sorry if I do not get it correct as I myself do not suffer from anything of the sort (I am mildly longsighted). If this may offend you, please don't read. And I would really love to hear from some colour blind people on how I can fix my perception of it up in case I write this type of thing again.

Remember that this is MY interpretation of colour blindness (Protanomaly and Tritanopia), this is how I understood what I read from my research. So please don't take it personally if I get it completely wrong.

In this story, there will also be:

Anxiety Attacks –Based off of the ones I get. Because everyone experiences these differently-

Bullying (mentioned)

Swearing

Self-Deprecating Tendencies

~

Life gets pretty boring when all you see if various shades of green, grey and if you're lucky, violet.

But not the pretty, dark violet everyone else sees. No, it's a dull, kind of light version.

That's just life when your parents are Red-Green and Blue-Yellow colour blind and you pull the short straw on both ends.

No, I couldn't just have one; like not perceiving reds or greens properly. Or maybe become a very rare case and not be able to see blues properly.

No.

I ended up Red-Green in one eye and Blue-Yellow in the other.

So my world is full of dull, warped greens, boring and monotonous blacks and whites, only light grey and maybe, if luck wants to grace me, with violet. I strive for the moments that slightly purply-blue colour pops, I try to capture every detail of the moment so that I can try recreate it.

My parents try to tell me that when I'm older, my eyes may get better.

But I know that they won't.

Magic doesn't exist. If you're born with these things, you live with them forever.

People get weirded out by me. I confuse them. So I learnt to keep to myself. I sit under the trees, on the grass, things that should be blindingly green and are but just a dull blue really.

I got told that my glasses would help me see colours properly, but the kids all picked on me, so I don't wear them anymore.

The glasses were pretty cool I guess, I mean they were blue and red, and the world looked amazing back in fifth grade for the month that I wore them.

It's been five years since I've worn them though, I figured that, if I was picked on in fifth grade, high school would be no saving grace. So they sit in draw at home, collecting dust.

I guess life isn't too bad, I mean, at least I'm not blind. But this is no better.

"Hey. Hey. Can you hear me?" I kept my head down, knowing exactly who it was.

"I asked you a question."

I looked up, not too much, just enough to see if it was who I thought it was, "Yeah. I guess. I'm not deaf." I said, tapping my fingers against the ground.

"I'm not here to pick on you kid. I'm not an arsehole. My friends and I saw you sitting by yourself and I wanted to know if you wanted some company."

This time he caught my full attention, "Like for real? This isn't some big joke that Evan and all that set up to give me hope?" I asked.

He laughed, "Nah dude, honestly, Evan and his friends are a little overrated." He said, "With the exception of like Ryan. Oh and Craig, he hangs out with us sometimes."

I smiled, "I mean, sure. I guess that I could come and sit with you guys." I said.

"Sick." He said, helping me up.

He led me over to a table, not far from where I was sitting, I noticed him stumbling a little.

"Hey fuckers. I'm back." He announced.

"No one gives a fuck John." One of the other males at the table replied, looking up from his phone.

"Fuck you to, bitch." John replied.

"So guys, this is...uh I never asked your name, did I?" John asked.

"Good goin' John. You see a lonely kid, invite him over, but don't even ask his name." another said, this one was for sure in grey.

I snickered a little, looking over the group, of course, looking at everyone wasn't going to help me tell them apart, but it was worth a shot.

"HEY! That sounded a lot better in my head." The grey one stated.

"So, what's your name stranger?" one of the guys closest to me asked.

Come on, just say Jaren. "Lukas." I answer. What the fuck did I say that for?

"Well Lukas. As you could figure out, I'm John. In order around the table from my left. Cameron, Ryan, Craig, Anthony and...where did Crystal go?" John asked for a person I guess was here before he came over to me.

Crazy hair, grey guy, glasses, panda case. I recited in my head, it was the only way I'd actually remember them.

"Brock's nut of a sister came over and requested that her friend join her for a conversation." Anthony, I think, answered.

I frowned, "Cassidy isn't too crazy." I stated, causing everyone to stare at me.

"What. She used to be my..." I trailed off, "Never mind. Why did you invite me over here. I'm just the weird kid."

"We're all weird here." Cameron said, completely ignoring my slip up or at least I hope he did.

"I mean. Probably not. At least compared to me. Nobody is as mutant as I am."  I stated, looking down.

"What. Why? Because your eyes are different a little off centre or your hair is white? Every time I saw you, I always thought you just bleached it, like John does with his." Craig said with a shrug.

I sighed, shaking my head, "Okay. Don't like freak or anything okay John. But like, that jumper you're wearing is probably rad. But it's like literally all green, different shades. But to me. That whole thing is green, except the white bits near your wrists." I always found it was an easy way to explain my problem to people by talking about something that probably wasn't green and trying to tell them that's how I see it. "I can imagine and sort of figure out the colours, because I've done it for so long-"

"What shades of green?" John asked.

I shrugged, "The top is like a lime kind of colour. So it's probably like yellow or somet'in'. Uh, the middle is a dull green. So that's like red or orange, I don't remember because I don't see those colours a lot. The top of the sleeves is like, mint ice cream green. So they're some type of blue." I explained, hoping I got the colours close.

"That's so cool dude." John said.

"How do you live like that? Not being able to see colours. Only green?" Craig asked.

"Well. I mainly see the green spectrum, but I can see light grey, black, white and sometimes, violet. But it's like not the cool dark violet colour, it's more like what I think you would see as a cross between magenta maybe and periwinkle. I can see some shades of yellow, kind of. Most colours appear as greens though." I explained, tapping my fingers against my leg.

"Well, sit down you weird ass human." Cameron said.

I smiled, shaking my head, "Sorry. This was a nice..experience, but I'm just gonna leave." I said, turning around, I walked back towards where I was.

Suddenly I was on the ground, noticeably colder than before.

I looked up and saw my jumper in John's hands.

"Hey, fuck you. Give me my jumper back, it's cold." I demanded, getting off my arse, snatching my jumper out of his hands, slipping it over my head.

"It's a mild fifteen degrees, it's not that cold." Cameron stated.

"Shut up, you Kiwi fuck. We get it that it's fucking freezing in New Zealand." A feminine voice said from behind me.

Cameron pouted, "Piss off you Aussie bitch." He stated.

"Oh, and this is Crystal. Crystal, this is –"

"Hey Luke." Crystal said with a shrug.

"Vibe." I returned, watching as they walked over and sat between Cameron and Ryan.

"Wait- you two know each oth-"

"Whatever, reunions are boring. What did the nut want with you, aye?" Cameron asked, nudging Crystal's shoulder.

Crystal shrugged, "Never say that again. Worst Australian accent ever. Come on Fitzy, you're the closest one to where I'm from and you can't even fake a believable accent." They said.

The group started to banter, giving me the perfect chance to slip away.

I kept walking, not really knowing where I was going, I just knew I had to get away from that group before something bad happened to them because of me.

"Hey. Hey! Lukas, wait up." I heard a call from behind me, recognising John's voice, I picked up my pace, not watching where I was going.

Once more I was on the ground and I noticed that it was because I had bumped into someone. I stood up, "I'm so sorry. I-" my breath hitched.

In front of me stood well known school menace and Evan's right hand man Jonathan.

"I-I'm so so sorry. Uh, Delirious." I said, I could feel myself shaking.

Delirious turned to face me, and I could feel my lungs get heavy.

"Dude. Are you okay?" he asked me, sending me into surprise.

"What?" I managed to squeak out.

"I asked if you were okay? You hit me pretty hard and fell to the floor." Delirious said.

I shrugged, "I'm uh. Fine. Just yeah. Sorry." I stammered, my breathing starting to even out.

"Lukas, why are you-" I heard John stop dead, his boots squeaking as he skidded on the hallway floor. "Fuck."

"Well, if you're okay. Then I'm just gonna walk away." Delirious said, walking away.

I was still shaking, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

"Dude, are you okay?" I heard John was near me now.

But I still didn't open my eyes, I shakily pointed at my bag, "Pap- Pap- Bag" I started coughing.

"Pap Bag. Pap. Paper Bag! Oh, get the paper out of your bag!" John figured out, quickly flipping the latch on my bag and handing me the almost empty bag.

"I don't understand how this will help you." John said.

I cupped my hand around the opening, placing it near my mouth, breathing in and out into the bag.

My breathing went back to normal after five minutes and the coughing stopped.

I moved it away and drew in a deep breath.

"What the fuck was that?" John asked, making me painfully aware that he was still there.

I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me, "That was an anxiety attack you fucking idiot. Holy shit. I could've-no-probably would've passed out if you hadn't have helped me. Jesus, I haven't had one that bad in a while." I stated, half talking to myself.

"Your welcome. I mean, I don't know how to respond." John said.

I smiled, "Thank you. But seriously. I thought that Jonathan was a bully. He didn't even threaten me. I think a lot of people just spread rumours and one rumour made it out and became popular saying that the BBS are bullies. They're probably just a bunch of misunderstood kids. I- I'm sorry for walking off." I said.

"Nah dude. My friends can be a little much sometimes, even for me." He said.

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'm still sorry. It was a good thing you did you know, asking me to join you guys. Your friends don't seem to bad. I'd probably fit in with you all. I feel like a big dou-"

I felt something warm against my lips for a split second and then it was gone.

"You talk too much." John stated.

My face started heating up, "What the fuck? We haven't even known each other for a day. John you're fucking weird," I stated, pulling my sleeve over my hand, wiping my mouth.

He laughed, "You enjoyed it. Don't deny it." He said.

Maybe I did. It doesn't matter, I don't even know the guy. "No I didn't." I retorted, but I knew my body language said otherwise.

"You're a bad lyre Lukas. You're red as a firetruck." He teased.

"Shut up you fucking prick." I muttered.

He rolled his eyes, "Come on. Come and hang out with me and my band of Misfits." He said.

I sighed, "Fine." I said and we walked back towards his friends, maybe a bit closer than previously.

But seriously, who the fuck kisses someone they just met? Like what even is that?

"Someone who has a set." John replied.

"Fuck. I said that out loud. Sorry." I said.

He stopped and turned to face me, "Stop fucking apologising. You've done nothing wrong." He said.

And that's when I noticed one small thing, well not really small thing, but it was something that would this was a moment I'd never forget.

~

Everything is green.

But his hair is my favourite colour.

Because it is violet.

~

Authors Note:

Hi guys!

Yes, I am a weirdo. I would've made it John's eyes, except that in this case it wouldn't work because John's eyes are blue and for them to be violet, they'd have to be yellow. Which just isn't realistic.

Anyway, that's it.