#just don’t kill the Pokémon

[doodlesdreaming]

Happy Late Birthday Doodles! Way late to that, my apologies. Nevertheless I have an idea for you that hopefully makes up for it. Death meeting legendaries in Pokémon, since I know you love both series. Never played myself, but I know some things about the games and obviously did watch some of the show and a few movies.

That said, I could see Death meeting Darkrai for sure. Perhaps Mew and Mew-Two as well. The last I can really think of are Giratina and Arceus. If you have other meet up ideas tho I'm all ears as per usual. I only know so many legendaries readily.

To say I’ve been inspired by this ask…feels like an understatement XD

Many thanks for the birthday wishes! ^^

[rogloptimist]

[staring at the blank google doc of the essay due in two days] you could always just be writing the yates twins fictional civil war au intended for yourself and probably 1.5 other people. yeaaaah. yeaaaaaaahhhhhh

[cosmicheartz]

Ngl ppl who keep going on and on abt how jd was an abusive piece of shit are equally if not more annoying then ppl defending him

“ waaa waaa JD is an abusive asshole who treated his brothers like shit and exploited them “ I mean you aren’t exactly wrong but shut the fuck up anyways

[skizwillsuffice]

Hear me out

[victory-cookies]

god I’m so torn. I have a few things I really buy rn but realistically I don’t think I can afford all of them. So I’m trying to weigh what I should let myself but bc I haven’t bought myself anything nice in a while

[goldensunset]

well. this battle has been exciting. this has to be the final boss ghetsis is actually good at this

[zamalie]

my meaningless hot take for today is that that weird melodramatic interpretation everyone and their mother has about the rudolph the red nosed reindeer song is stupid. you are placing edgy headcanons on a minute long christmas song. like none of that shit is even unintentionally implied in any of the lines you’re just pretending its unbreakable fact based off vague storytelling

[deadghosy]

I was wondering if you could do a miniso penguin reader being a delivery boy for all of hell (mostly hazbin)

I JUST LOOKED IT UP AND OMGGGG ITS SO CUTEEE🦆💗🦆 AND YES I WILL! THANK YOU MY GHOST

HAZBIN HOTEL X PENGUIN! READER

prompt: you deliver mail all over hell, but mostly to your favorite place!

Okay starters off….you definitely get petted by the sinners who walk by you. Like you are so adorable!

I headcannon that you have a magic barrier that activates when you are in danger. Like say for example, a sinner tried to stab and mug but a bubble appears around you as you quack and roll away.

But like…you are the most known person in hell. YOU COULD BE WALKING AND GIVING MAIL AND IMMEDIATELY- “Hey [reader]!”

Yeah you’re quite known🦆🔥

The overlords love you! Carmilla adores you as you help her move her things around with her supplies of angelic metal. And Alastor….he joked about eating you up because of how cute you are..you definitely hide behind carmilla as she glared at him.

Alastor said sorry as he buys you ice cream for scaring you. (Charlie made him do it after carmilla snitched on him)

The most place you love giving mail to is the hazbin hotel! You like it there as you always get greeted by the people there gently. Charlie would pet you as she gushes how cute you are and how you should’ve been an angel.

Husk just pokes at your chubby and cute body as you quack and rub your face in his leg. You are the size of a penguin so guess how small you are 😭💗

You and fat nuggets are best friends, dead ass you both speak animal to each other and just gossip… “quack…” “oink oink..” “QUACK?!” You yelled pointing to Alastor as fat nuggets nodded seriously. Angel tried to record it but he just couldn’t help but laugh

Lucifer loves you! Like at first he would just watch you around hell secretly as he didn’t want to scare you off too easy. But soon he felt over protective at how pure and nice you are to other sinners and hell born

I headcannon every time it’s extermination, you would be forced to be at the hotel as you bake cookies to past the time helping Charlie and the other feel less stress as the angels kill the sinners.  

“So like…do you lay eggs or somethin'?” Angel asked looking at the egg boiz under you as they are sound asleep. You just stay there like a mama penguin as you shrugged.

“[READER] I CHOSE YOU!” Vaggie yells as you waddle to a person and hug them in need. Its funny to imagine you being used a Pokémon who’s only attack is “HUG SURPRISE!”

I headcannon you to use a rolling attack. LIKE FOR EXAMPLE, you are getting chased so you roll like a ball and BOWLING BALL THEY ASS! STRIKEEE‼️‼️

You have a room in the hotel, it’s just you don’t stay there often. But the other would loved if you stayed at the hotel with them as they find you lovely to around. Like imagine how cool it is to be tired from delivering mail all day just to go to the hotel and see your own room.

Immediately passing out in the soft bed😭🦆

I imagine you walking, more like waddling and the egg boiz just copy your waddling as they are still baby chickens in eggs.

Velvette definitely has you go to her section of the vee tower so you can wear those cute sailor boy outfits 😭 like imagine how cute that is….

Sir Pentious and nifty love you also as they find you adorable. The egg boiz love you, and nifty….she just finds you interesting how every sinner knows who you are and wants to be your best friend.

I can see you being sick and not coming to deliver mail to the hotel, and immediately you wake up sniffling as you waddle to your door to see a bunch of gift baskets as you quack surprised at all those candies and get better cards….man you are loved

[pokemon-studies09]

A Trainer was killed recently by a wild Hydreigon and just…for Arc’s sake, I wish people had more common sense. This was not a random or unprovoked attack. The area that the Hydreigon lived in is closed off to the public. There are signs posted up and a fence that blocks the trail leading to its territory, yet the Trainer still entered, most likely to try to catch a powerful Pokémon. What he didn’t know is that this was a female Hydreigon with a clutch of eggs. Naturally, she felt that her nest was being threatened and retaliated. Is the situation tragic? Absolutely. A young Trainer lost his life, his parents lost a son, the Sylveon he had with him was not only injured in the attack, but lost its Trainer and will possibly be rehomed, along with his other Pokémon. The Hydreigon is now considered a man killer and will be euthanized, despite the fact that she was only protecting her eggs. Then of course, you have the idiots on social media who don’t know the full story saying that all Hydreigon are dangerous and should be killed on sight. These are the same people who won’t say a word about the Dragonite who have done the exact same thing for the exact same reason. Dragon-types are territorial. They are dangerous, especially in the wild. Hydreigon are far from being the only Dragons that cause injuries or deaths. This wouldn’t happen at all if people would just stay out of their territory.

[nartothelar]

I still keep thinking back to the 1hr Submas challenge with Ingo visiting the Zoroark and offering food for the Zoroark turning into Emmet. I’m wondering if the Zoroark would eventually warm up to him or not. Ingo is a very kind person never wanting to harm the Pokémon. Or how the Pearl Clan probably frowning upon Ingo’s actions or maybe even call to action to kill the Pokémon to get "the spell it casts upon Ingo" off of him and Ingo being ready to defend the Zoroark.

Sorry, I know it’s just a random little comic for a prompt long ago and I likely think too much into this but honestly a Pokémon known for it’s spite warming up to the weird human that keeps coming back no matter what to reflect something to him and seeing his reactions. It’s never too close but the Zoroark appreciates Ingo more and more, maybe even enjoying his presence over the offerings.

Ack, sorry I keep rambling…

a friend. takes place some time after this post

- the zoroark has no name

- the pearl clan initially forbade ingo from visiting the them (since the first few times he was attacked while doing so) but ingo proved way too stubborn

- every time ingo visits, he remembers something

transcript:

Zoroark: You know I wasn’t joking when I said a mirror would suffice

Ingo: Sigh. Mirrors aren’t much help due to my inability to smile

Z: Ha ha, that’s true that you can’t smile to save your life

Z: You know, not that I don’t appreciate the gifts, but why not just snap a photo and be done with it?

Z: I’m sure your clan isn’t happy with you visiting someone like me frequently

I: Well the photo studio is only open to residents, and will deny the entry! The camera is not portable and most likely-

Z: I see you already thought it through

I: And well I do not mean to overstep but...

I: While I cannot say I know your situation completely...I do know what it feels like to be alone

I: You looked as though you needed a friend and despite my first intentions with meeting you, I really enjoy our visits

Z: Heh. You really are intriguing

Z: Well! Next visit I want potato mochi. Three plates! (Hot and fresh!)

I: Bravo! An excellent choice! (Same time then?)

Z: Yup yup

[megamett44-lover]

what if you write a fic about the triplets and the reader going through a drive thru - but - the reader gets ketchup on their burger. when the triplets and reader get to the sturniolo house to hang out afterwards, matt and reader are hanging out and matt gives the reader a kiss. since the reader had ketchup before, he's trying to ignore it and like trying to hide it because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings but she ends up finding out anyways- and just finds it hilarious. (it could be an established relationship or they confess and then kiss, whichever you think works better)

love your works and take your time writing this one <33

thank you sm 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Matt Sturniolo × Reader

Summary: In which a trip down memory lane leads to a confession

Warnings/Notes: Profanity, she/her pronouns

Requested? Yes!

First Kiss

It was exactly 12:02 a.m. when my phone pinged with an incoming text message. I push my textbooks off my lap and roll over to grab my phone. A simple “Come outside” from Matt is at the top of my notifications.

“This kid and his ominous texts.” I laugh, putting on my slippers.

Locking my apartment and making my way downstairs, I notice the minivan parked in front of the building.

“Hey Y/N!” Chris screams as he pops his head through the sunroof.

“Shut up!” I whisper-shout. “There are people who are actually sleeping in there and I don’t feel like getting evicted my first month here!”

Walking to the drivers side, I open the back door to see Madi and Nick.

“Hey guys.” I say, getting in and sitting on the floor between Nick and Madi.

“Hey girl.” Madi says.

“Were you asleep? You look exhausted.” Nick notes.

“Gee thanks.” I roll my eyes playfully. “I was actually studying for my test tomorrow.”

“Gross school.” Chris comments.

“Very gross.” I groan. “Not that I don’t love you guys or anything, but why am I here?”

“You need a break from being holed up in your tiny ass apartment.” Chris says.

“And we missed you.” Madi adds.

“So we’re going to Mcdonald’s.” Matt says, backing out of the parking lot.

“Oh I’d kill for a big mac right now.” I say, mouth watering at the idea.

“And we may or may not be filming a little.” Nick says, referring to the camera in his lap. “If you don’t want to be in it, that’s totally fine too!”

“That’s fine.” I say. “But I look like a homeless rat.”

“You don’t look like a homeless rat.” Matt says.

“Yeah, you look like a rat with a very nice apartment.” Chris jokes.

“I actually hate you.” I mumble as everyone laughs.

Pulling into the McDonalds drive through, Nick orders for everyone. We get our food and find a secluded parking lot and set up to film.

Taking a bite from my burger, I sigh. “This burger is so fucking good.”

“It’s not that serious, Y/N.” Chris laughs.

“I haven’t had McDonalds in forever.” I protest. “It is that serious.”

“Alright, we asked you guys to send in some things you want us to talk about from our childhood, so we’re going to be doing that.” Nick says.

“Oh God.” I groan, closing my eyes. “This is going to be embarrassing.”

“Why?” Madi asks.

“Because Y/N used to be a dork.” Chris laughs.

“Okay at least I didn’t sleep in a Pokémon onsie until I was 12.” I say.

“That was me!” Matt says.

“Oh I know.” I laugh.

Nick looks down at his phone, pulling up Instagram to check the answers from his story. “What’s one injury you remember from childhood?”

“Probably the time Justin hit me with a golf club.” Matt says.

“That was terrifying.” I say. “I remember Nick running to my house in his underwear freaking out because he didn’t like blood.”

“Oh my God, I forgot about that.” Nick says. “Your mom was so confused.”

“Mine was probably when Chris pushed me off of the monkey bars at school and I got a concussion.” I say, taking a french fry from the bag.

“I did not push you!” Chris exclaims.

“You most definitely did.” Matt corrects.

“Yeah because I just so happened to fall off of the monkey bars.” I say sarcastically.

“You were clumsy.” Chris says.

“Matt witnessed it!” I say, throwing a fry at Chris.

“Yeah, you were mad because she cut in front of you in line, so you pushed her off.” Matt explains.

“Whatever.” Chris grumbles.

“One time, Y/N was yelling at me to come downstairs and I fell because someone put oil on the top step.” Nick says.

“In my defense, it was Chris’ idea.” I say.

“Yeah that was me, I’ll admit that.” Chris says.

“You were a demon, oh my God.” Madi laughs.

“He still is.” Matt agrees.

“Oooo what do you think about this one, Y/N?” Nick asks, showing me his phone.

Someone had wrote “Tell us about your first kiss!”

I genuinely start rolling laughing. “I don’t know, I don’t want your fan girls to hate me for this.”

“What is it?” Matt asks.

Nick responds by passing his phone up front to Matt and Chris. Matt reads it and his cheeks immediately turn red.

“Oh this is good!” Chris says. “I say Y/N and Matt goes first.”

Matt rolls his eyes and puts his face in his hands.

“Alright, so we’re going to be talking about our first kisses.” I say. “And mine just so happened to be with Matt.”

Madi gasps. “No way.” She laughs.

“Yes way.” I laugh with her. “We were like what, 13, 14, Matt?”

“I was in 8th grade and you were in 7th, so yeah that sounds right.” Matt says muffled through his hands.

“I was getting picked on because I was the only girl in my friend group who hadn’t had a first kiss yet and I was complaining to Matt about it.” I say.

“This is so cheesy.” Nick laughs.

“Shut up!” I laugh. “So I was complaining to Matt about it and he offered to be my first kiss. So we kissed. That’s it.”

“So wait, was she your first kiss too?” Madi asks Matt.

“Yeah, she was.” Matt answers.

“That’s so cute!” Madi exclaims.

“It was super awkward.” I say. “We made a promise to never talk about it again, until now, I guess.”

“Matt did not abide by that promise.” Nick says.

“Yeah, kid would not shut up about it for like 6 months after it happened.” Chris agrees.

“Okay, yeah, yeah. It’s y’all’s turn.” Matt says, clearly embarrassed.

“Aww Matt’s embarrassed.” Chris teases, poking Matt’s ribs. “He had a little cwushy-wushy on Y/N.”

“Hey, you tried to kiss me in kindergarten!” I say, pointing to Chris. “I had almost forgot about that!”

“It was a dare!” Chris says.

“Don’t worry guys, I didn’t kiss Chris because he had cooties.” I laugh.

“I did not have cooties!” Chris says. “You were the one who made that up and told everyone!”

“I only made it up because you pushed me off the monkey bars!” I say.

“I didn’t push you!” Chris yells.

“Yes you did!” Matt and I say at the same time.

“Uh oh, not the couple ganging up on me!” Chris throws up his hands dramatically.

“Alright, cootie boy.” I roll my eyes.

“You know what?” Chris says, practically launching himself into the backseat trying to tickle me.

“Madi help!” I scream, trying to deflect Chris as much as possible.

“You guys are actually children.” Nick says.

“Oh you want some too, big dog?” Chris says, shifting his attention to Nick.

“Chris!” Nick screams, almost dropping his Dr.Pepper on him.

The rest of the video goes off without a hitch. By the time we were finished filming, it was 2:30 a.m.

“Madi is gonna stay with us tonight, you wanna just stay at ours?” Nick asks, packing up the camera.

“C’mon, Y/N!” Chris says. “It’ll be just like old times.”

“I can never say no to a sleepover.” I laugh. “Count me in.”

“Thank God, I’ll need some female energy in that house.” Madi says, dapping me up.

As we drove back to the triplets house, I had noticed Matt was extra quiet. I put it off as being tired, but the way I kept catching him look at me in the rear view mirror made me think otherwise.

Pulling into the house, we all piled out and made our way inside.

“Goodnight, everyone.” Nick says, venturing off to his room.

Madi hugged me. “See you in the morning!” She says, following behind Nick.

“Where you sleeping, Y/N?” Chris asks. “You know my rooms always open.”

I laugh. “No offense, Chris, but you won’t be going to sleep for another three hours and I’m exhausted.” I flop down on the couch, pulling a blanket over me. “I’ll just sleep here.”

“No way.” Matt says. “You do not have to sleep on the couch. You can stay in mine if you want?”

Chris laughs, making kissy noises as he walks downstairs to his room.

“Jesus, that kid.” I laugh. I look over at Matt, who is looking at me with expectant eyes. “Yeah, I’ll sleep in your room, if that’s cool?”

“Mi casa es su casa.” Matt says, walking down the hall to his room.

“Okay, Flo-Rida.” I say, following him.

Matt flops down on the bed, throwing a pillow over his face. Walking over, I yank the pillow off of him.

“Hey!” He protests.

I sit down beside him. “Okay, spill.” I demand.

Matt looks at me quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“Ever since I talked about our kiss, you’ve been acting weird. Spill.” I say.

“I haven’t.” Matt says. “I’m just tired.”

“Mhm.” I say. “I don’t believe you.”

“Why not?” Matt rolls his eyes.

“Just don’t.” I shrug. I roll over to the other side of the bed, getting under the blankets.

Matt flips the lights off, before joining me in bed.

“Goodnight, Matt.” I say, rolling over to face him.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Matt says, pulling the blankets over him as well.

It’s silent for about 5 minutes, and I feel myself starting to doze off, when suddenly, the weight in the bed shifts. I open my eyes to see Matt sitting up beside me.

“Matt, what’re you-” I start.

“I like you, Y/N.” Matt blurts out.

I blink my eyes really hard to make sure I’m not dreaming and I shake my head.

“Ever since we were kids, I’ve liked you.” Matt says. “The feelings would come and go, and I really tried to make them go for the sake of our friendship, but I really, really like you, Y/N.”

Matt looks back at me as I stare wide-eyed at him. “Really?” I whisper.

“Why do you think I volunteered to be your first kiss?” Matt asks. “Chris wasn’t lying when he said I talked about that kiss for 6 months. He wasn’t lying when he said I had a crush on you. I could just…never find the right time to tell you.”

I sit up beside Matt, grabbing his hand. “I really wish you would’ve told me sooner.” I say.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Matt says. “You don’t know how much it killed me to see you with other guys, Y/N. That shit was so unbearable.”

It’s silent for a moment before Matt sighs deeply.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same way, I really do. But I just had to tell you so-” I cut Matt off by placing my lips on his.

Feeling his lips against mine, suddenly I’m 13 again in Boston having my first kiss with my best friend. His hands find the sides of my face and it’s like the world stopped spinning. It’s like everything around us has faded away and it’s just us.

We pull away slowly, each of us gasping for air.

“I don’t know where I got the balls to do that.” I whisper. I open my eyes to notice Matt grimacing a bit.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, no. Nothings wrong.” Matt says, grabbing my hand.

“No, something is definitely wrong.” I say.

Matt turns a little red before looking at his lap. “It’s just…was there ketchup on your burger earlier?”

“Yeah…?” I say, confused. And then it suddenly makes sense. I throw myself back into the bed, dying in a fit of laughter. “Oh my God!” I laugh, gasping for air.

I sit up, looking at Matt. “I am so sorry.” I say, still laughing.

“It’s okay.” He says, smiling. “I’ll taste ketchup every day as long as it’s from your lips.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re so corny.”

“Maybe.” He smiles. “So is it safe to say you feel the same?”

“Don’t make me kiss you with my ketchup breath again, Matthew.” I say.

“Is that a promise?” Matt asks, slowly pulling me back into another kiss.

a/n: help this is one of the longest stories I’ve written. but if I were to make a tag list, who would want to be added to it???

[pinkpoweredpunk]

I went ranting to Bede over text about the recent dark/fairy/psychic/ghost type discourse going on here lately and he had a LOOOT of opinions but he specifically wanted me to share this fact about the Hatterene line to you guys cause it’s especially important to him:

the “Hatterene attacking people for their emotions thing” almost ONLY happens with wild ones and even then it’s extremely rare. someone’s trained Hatterene isn’t going to kill you because you got overly excited or depressed around it. and in the case of it being a wild one? Hatterene and their pre-evos live so far away from human civilization BECAUSE they can’t handle the extreme wave of various emotions, if a town sprouts up they’re smart enough to move away. if one attacks you it’s because you’re feeling strong emotions on their turf which is very likely in the middle of nowhere.

they developed this ability so they can detect adrenaline rising in predators attempting to sneak up on them or their young, or sense when one of their own is in danger. when they’re faced with the complexity of human emotions they panic, don’t know what to do, and lash out.

a lot of this happened in much earlier days when humans were only just starting to settle around places in Galar where Hatterene and their pre-evos lived, it was just an unfortunate misunderstanding between humans and wildlife that instead of figuring out a compromise calmly, the humans decided to vilify the Hatterene for. either way it HARDLY applies to modern day.

in short, a lot of you people need to get more normal about Pokémon with behaviors that aren’t always convenient to humans.

[dazzle-expandism]

It’s honestly disheartening to see so much hate directed at Liko from Pokémon Horizons simply because she’s the new protagonist. Just because Liko is stepping into a new chapter of the Pokémon world doesn't mean she deserves any of the cruelty she’s been subjected to. We’ve had years of Ash, and while change can be tough, it’s important to remember that this is a new generation of fans, and Liko is her own character with her unique journey.

Let’s be clear: sending hateful messages, especially to a voice actor who is just doing their job, is beyond immature. The voice actor is a person, too, and they deserve respect. No one deserves to hear things like "Go f**k yourself" over a fictional character, let alone someone who has worked hard to bring that character to life.

Instead of attacking, how about we give Liko a chance? Every character in Pokémon has contributed to its legacy, and it's unfair to treat someone with disrespect just because they don’t fit into the mold of the past. Liko deserves to be celebrated for her individuality and the new adventures she brings to the series.

Let's show kindness, maturity, and respect for all the hard work that goes into making a beloved franchise like Pokémon thrive for future generations.

It just pisses me off how immature these Liko haters are to making art of her getting killed. You need to grow up and learn how to accept new protagonists. Just imagine being Liko's voice actor, waking up, checking your phone to see dms from Liko haters telling you to kill yourself. Absolutely NOBODY wants that in their dms.

You guys would do anything to get Ash back even to the point where you send Liko's voice actor DEATH THREATS. I can't stand these haters. They're everywhere. And I don't mean to call out anyone for making posts of Liko getting killed like **AHEM** -R- for example. But you can't hate a character for just existing.

In all honesty, you should stop hating her for being the new Pokémon protagonist.

💚Sending love to Minori Suzuki💚

[cuddles-with-dragons]

a shitload of incorrect quotes

Tech: *clicks pen* Crosshair: *clicks pen in response* Wrecker: Stop that. Tech: Stop what? Wrecker: You’re talking about me in Morse code! Tech: Yes, that’s what we doing. In our very limited time, we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you. Congrats, you figured us out! *later* Crosshair, to Omega: That’s actually exactly what we were doing.

Hunter: What’s something you guys are better than Crosshair at? Wrecker: Mario Kart. Omega: Yeah, all video games except first-person shooters and The Last Of Us. Tech: Emotional vulnerability.

Tech: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be? Hunter: Maybe a bit tipsy? Echo: Drunk. Wrecker: Wasted. Crosshair: Dead.

Echo, setting down a card: Ace of spades. Tech, pulling out an Uno card: +4. Crosshair, pulling out a Pokémon card: Absol, I choose you! Hunter, trembling: What are we playing?!

Wrecker: What is love? Hunter: An emotional minefield. Tech: A neurochemical reaction. Omega: Baby don't hurt me.

Crosshair: What starts with F and ends with Uck? Echo: No it doesn't. Tech: Firetruck! Omega: FUCK!

Omega: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies. Hunter: You’re too young to have enemies. Omega: You don’t even know.

Crosshair: If I die, you can have what little I own. Hunter: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die? Crosshair: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full. Hunter: Hunter: *Sigh* Let me call your therapist again.

Nexu: I’m not a doctor, I’m a medic. Wrecker: What’s the difference then? Nexu: Well doctors actually save lives, medics just make you feel more comfortable as you die. Crosshair: Note to self; never get shot.

Crosshair: Hand me the people opener. Hunter: ... Hunter: Pardon? Crosshair, annoyed: The people opener! Just hand it to me! Hunter, stressed: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEOPLE OPENER? Crosshair: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle? Hunter: Knife. It's called a knife.

Omega, hugging Crosshair: Do you feel any better? Crosshair: I feel much better now that you're here with me. *Hunter walks in* Crosshair: I feel half better.

Hunter: Would you rather kill Tech, or— Echo: Yes, kill them. Hunter: I didn’t say the other thing— Echo: I don’t need to hear it. Tech: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.

Benji, to cadet Crosshair: Oh my stars you are so cute and small! Crosshair: *proceeds to kick him in the shin and run away* Hunter, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Crosshair cute or small.

Hunter: Omega is at that very special age where a kid only has one thing on their mind. Crosshair: Murder? Omega: Murder.

Hunter: How high are you? Crosshair: 6'4". Tech: No, he's asking what drugs are you on. Crosshair: Oh, antidepressants, why?

Crosshair: Hey, do you know the password to Hunter’s computer? Omega: Fuck you, Crosshair. Crosshair: Hey!! Omega: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouCrosshair". Crosshair: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Omega: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Echo: Wasn’t Crosshair with you? Crosshair: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Tech: I will find us a ride. Tech: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone. Omega: Oh, please. We're not children. *Tech leaves* Omega, casually: ...Eat shit and die. Crosshair, also casually: Yes, fuck you.

Omega: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Crosshair: I'm a knife. Wrecker, from across the room: He's the little spoon.

Crosshair: Fun Fact! The average person will walk by 36 murderers in their lifetime. Echo: I like how this is a "fun" fact. Hunter: It's fun because they didn't decide to murder you.

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #30

Luke: Capitalizing every word in a sentence is vomit-inducing

Satan: Enjoy Your Trip To Puke Land, Boy!

Solomon: This is a strong contender for my favorite exchange I’ve ever seen on the internet

•

Leviathan: Despite how horrifying horse are they don’t have the requisite dexterity to play league of legends and therefor they will never be as disgusting as us

Thirteen: Horses don’t need limbs to play video games their brains are wired right into the mainfr

Mammon: They fucking killed her

Thirteen: *in a horse accent* no I’m fine!

Leviathan: What the fuck is a horse accent?

Solomon: Oh you know

•

Leviathan: What are YOUR resolutions for the new year?

Mammon: 1080p

Leviathan: Back to Hell with you

•

Asmodeus: Feeling highly lustful on this night and a little bit gluttonous

MC: Sluttonous

Asmodeus: You have my vote

•

Diavolo: Why don’t more Pokémon have blood based attacks?

Leviathan: …Where would the blood come from?

Diavolo: The Trainers

•

Satan: I really really wish I was a cat, I’m not built for this capitalist society but I am built for sleeping 19 hours a day and knocking things over.

•

Raphael: My Etsy page consists of (1) cursed doll found in the forest and nothing more

Mephistopheles: Do you know what curse it is?

Raphael: Curse that makes you sell it on Etsy

Mephistopheles: Oh sweet find I’ll go check it out

Mephistopheles: My Etsy page consists of (1) cursed doll found in the forest and nothing more

•

Satan: Friendly reminder use your turn signal

MC: Hey I’m from Tennessee I don’t understand this post?

Satan: Show this post to the horse you ride around on he’ll take it from there

•

Diavolo: Sometimes people don’t do anything TECHNICALLY wrong but still should get smacked for lacking empathy, or being Logan Paul

Belphegor: Does Jake Paul count in the smacking? Or only Logan?

Diavolo: There’s TWO?

•

MC: Feeling slothful today my friend

Belphegor: Then snooze

MC: Worry not, I am also gluttonous, and highly wrathful

Lucifer: Are you trying to hit all 7 before dinner?

MC: UH OH HERE COMES LUST

•

Asmodeus: How do you think of the funny things you say?

MC: I kidnap the writing cast for Big Bang theory and whip them in a cage until their screams resemble a sentence

Simeon: Big Bang theory isn’t funny (:

MC: Their screams are

•

Mammon: Flip phones are still dope and I’m waiting on them to resurge

Thirteen: Like we need more proof that you aren’t a drug dealer

Mammon: I’m a slut for mid2000s technology, not a slut for meth

Solomon: I’m a slut for both

Mammon: I don’t like this post so much anymore

•

Solomon: New year new me *casts a spell that morphs me into a horrible creature*

Asmodeus: *milks you*

Solomon: This is the worst comment I’ve ever got on any post

•

Luke: Ahhh where do ravens go when the sun goes down !!! ?

Simeon: Why do you think the sky is black at night?

Luke: :O

•

Diavolo: Banishment is the funniest punishment I can think of. Just get out of here.

•

Leviathan: If dumbasses can find love, so can this dumbass

Mammon: High Key this is actually really inspiring

Leviathan: PLEASE stop relating

Last • Next

[no-one-turose-shipper]

I need somebody I could rant to about the ABSOLUTE INJUSTICE HOP HAS FACED AS A CHARACTER. WHENEVER I SEE SWSH MERCH THEY ALWAYS LEAVE OUT HOP. BUT OH MARNIE AND BEDE ARE THERE. MOTHERFUCKER I AM GOING TO KILL YOU STOP BEING A COWARD AND GIVE ME MY HOP. HE IS CONSTANTLY ERASED AND PUT DOWN AND IT PMO. HOP IS NOT ANNOYING AND OVERCONFIDENT HE IS TRYING TO MAKE HIMSELF COOL. HOP IS A PRETEEN. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HOP’S ERASURE IN HIS OWN GAME. IN HIS OWN FAMILY. BROTHER I MIGHT BE PROJECTING BUT THE FACT THAT LEON IS SO TREASURED AND FAVORED FUCKING MESSES WITH YA. ITS SO CLEAR HOP IS TRYING TO BE LEON. HE’S AN “ANNOYING FANBOY” BECAUSE LEONS HIS OLDER BROTHER. THAT HES CLOSE TO. I HATE YOU SWSH. YOU HAVE CREATED A CHARACTER SO GOOD AT BEING PATHETIC AND SUPPRESSED THAT PEOPLE HATE HIM. HOP ISNT EVEN ALLOWED TO HAVE A PROPER EMOTIONAL ARC. HE HAS TO PUSH IT DOWN. BOTH FOR THE STORY AND FOR THE OTHERS. HOP IS IN LEONS SHADOW AND IT FEELS LIKE THE FANS IGNORE THAT AND JUST PUSH HIM TO THE SIDE AS “ONE DIMENSIONAL.” HE’S NOT. ONE OF THE BIG POINTS OF HIS CHARACTER IS THAT HE ACTS. HE ACTS CONFIDENT. HE ACTS SELF ASSURED. HE ACTS LIKE HE DOESN’T HAVE ALL OF THIS SELF DOUBT CRUSHING HIM. LEON BECAME CHAMPION AT TEN. THATS SUCH A HUGE ACHIEVEMENT THAT WOULD OVERSHADOW ANY OF HOP’S. HOPS DEAL IS BEING PUSHED DOWN THE SAME PATH AS LEON AND TRYING TO BE BETTER. TO PROVE THAT HE ISN’T JUST LEON’S ANNOYING BROTHER. BUT HIS OWN PERSON. GRRRRRR IMAGINE LIVING LIFE KNOWING YOU ARE ONLY KNOWN FIR YOUR RELATIONS TO SOMEONE ELSE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE ARE NO MEDALS OR EVEN FUCKING PICTURES OF HOP LIKE THERE ARE LEON. IMAGINE EATING BREAKFAST AND HAVING TO STARE DOWN A REMINDER OF WHAT YOU’LL NEVER LIVE UP TO. BROTHER. GRRRR HOP’S IDENTITY IS LEON. GOOD CHUNK OF HIS LINES BRING UP LEON, HIS ENTIRE MOTIVE IS BEATING LEON, THE RARE LEAGUE CARD THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE PERSONAL HAS HOP IMITATING LEON. GRRRRRRR I AM FUCKING TWEAKING OUT. EVEN IN POKÉMON MASTERS, HIS NEO-CHAMPION SUIT IMITATES LEON. I MIGHT BE LOONEY BUT I HAVE A POINT. I’VE BEEN THERE. FUNNY ENOUGH JUST LIKE HOP HYPER-FIXATES ON LEON I HYPER-FIXATE ON HOP. ITS COPING. ITS NEEDING SOMETHING, EVEN IF ONLY A IDEA TO FALL BACK ON. IT STARTS SMALL BUT IT GROWS INTO A OBSESSION YOU SINK YOUR NAILS INTO IT AS YOU TURN EVERYTHING INTO IT FOR THE COMFORT IT GIVES. YOU NEED IT. IT BECOMES YOUR PERSONALITY. IT BECOMES YOU. AND YES THIS SECTION IS ME PROJECTING BUT ITS FROM EXPERIENCE OF WHAT HE MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH. I HATE YOU HOP POKÉMON. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT YOU GOT. BOTH FROM YOUR OWN MAKERS, YOUR OWN GAME AND THE FANBASE. HOPEFULLY YOU’LL GET YOUR OWN OFFICIAL PLUSH ONE DAY… HOPEFULLY PEOPLE WILL RESPECT YOU.