#just constantly refusing to use the app in the way that the developers are trying to get us to

[bromcommie]

I don’t know how I’m meant to choose from such an enticing list of WIPs, “but we kick each other into gear (and off buildings)” is calling my name! Please tell me more!

Hi hi, thank you for dropping in! <3

Okay, so this is the first fic I ever started writing way back during quarantine as a sort of Endgame fix-it, and it's pretty much been dormant for years now because real life got in the way before I could develop all that much connecting plot. Funnily enough, I did also start with Sam refusing the shield (albeit under slightly different circumstances and with Steve not having committed complete character suicide), but for the most part it's just disconnected episodes of Sam and Bucky work-roadtripping around Europe and Asia, slowly figuring each other out and processing their own respective issues and grief + a healthy helping of random local color, OCs, and humor thrown in on the side.

Looking back on it there's so much I'd want to rework there but it's still dear to my heart, so I might eventually go back to it - especially because TFATWS left a lot to be desired, imho, and I'm still mad about it.

One of the more crack-adjacent partial episodes under the cut if you're interested:

More and more, he unexpectedly finds himself having to explain to people that hanging around the guy is not a very dangerous affair these days, strictly speaking, unless you count the occasional collateral damage to Sam’s nerves. It's all a bit unsettling, trying to justify a former international terrorist in the eyes of others like he’s a particularly snappy pitbull with a history of dogfighting: Yeah, he did almost throw that fan to the ground the other day, but they snuck up on us. No, he doesn’t like crowds, but a family get together is okay and he’s surprisingly good with kids. No, no, he doesn’t do that anymore, we’re trying to get him accustomed to more well-adjusted activities, like going for runs and sleeping more than 45 minutes a time. Yes, he’s actually a sweetheart, looking for his forever home. Sam briefly entertains the idea of putting that last one on Bucky’s Tinder profile while he’s sleeping. To be fair, he wouldn’t necessarily call whatever relationship they’ve managed to develop smooth sailing, either, or particularly sanity affirming. But neither is being constantly on the move chasing an unsubstantial lead and yet here they both are, essentially backpacking their asses all around Europe like the world’s most traumatized spring breakers. Here they fucking are. "Where are we, again?" Sam says, squinting down at his phone where the maps app is once again blanking out to a dull grey grid as if to personally spite him. "Poland," Bucky deadpans from the driver's seat but his expression's distracted, fingers tapping out an offbeat pattern on the wheel that clashes with the folky tune crackling in over the faint radio signal. "Hilarious. I meant which town are we about to pass through, I wanna try to look up a place to buy a charger for this thing," he says, sighing when his phone takes that as a blessing and finally gives out with a sad chirp. He casts a look out the window, the rows and rows of tall pine trees blurring together into near-impenetrable greens and maroons as the sun goes down. He hopes they find a place to crash soon — he's about ready to pass out himself, and his back is way past the days it could withstand sleeping in the car. Next to him, Bucky's very quiet save for the soft tap-tap-tap of his hands against the leather. "Barnes." "Hm?" "You have no clue where we are, do you." "No, of course I do. It's, uh." He shrugs, forcibly casual. Sam's going to strangle him. "It's a Polish, y'know. Municipality." "Can you just—" "Old. Probably been invaded a couple of times." "Bucky."

"Lotsa consonants in the name." "You said you knew this area," Sam accuses. "That you've been here recently." "I do," he insists, glaring through the windshield at the idyllic scenery like it spat at him and called his mother something untoward. "I did, at least, but then they had to go and change all the fucking signs, and the roads don't look the same, and the trees are all—" he waves a hand vaguely instead of finishing, like that's supposed to be sufficient explanation or at all helpful to Sam's growling stomach and their equally dead, equally useless phones. "Oh, it's the trees' fault? The trees are different from when you—" He cuts off, a niggling gear turning loud and loose somewhere in the back of his brain all of a sudden. The compounded sleep deprivation's really not helping in giving it a name and a meaning, scattering his thoughts in ten different directions. Something he read once, about trumpets, or— no, the archangel. Why that? They passed a church about an hour ago, but he hasn't been in so long his poppy's probably turning over in his grave, and anyway what does that have to do with— He blinks once, twice. Bucky resettles in the driver's seat, shifty-eyed as anything. The gear rattles, and turns, and turns, and then clicks. Not church. Not trumpets. Junior year of high school, AP History. His presentation on Gabriel Jones, PFC, and his role in running comms with local resistance members during an action, which got him a grudging pat on the back from the brass and shrapnel permanently lodged in the upper thigh. He managed to get himself and two members of his team, including his CO who got shot in the neck, out of the line of fire long enough to get medical treatment. He saved Captain America's life. It was an act of bravery, Sam'd told the class as his teacher nodded along gravely. It was a miracle any of them survived. They were down on supplies, and in the middle of the woods. In fucking Poland. "Oh, you didn't. Tell me you didn't." "What?" Bucky says, a little too defensive, in Sam's opinion, for someone who managed to get them lost in the Polish countryside by virtue of sheer hubris alone. "Tell me you didn't think you could navigate us through Poland," Sam says, slowly so it really sinks in, "with a bunch of jumbled memories of some damn woods from ninteen-forty-fucking-four."

And then in the next scene they talk about parental death, so. *massive shrugging emoji* Consistent tone, who?

[felicityfiction]

i listened to taylor swift and wanted to write a thing. woosang from ateez because their friendship is so precious!! this was written in like an hour. the grammar is bad and the tenses are alll over the place and theres nothing even resembling STRUCTURE but it’s 3am and i needed catharsis!

Wooyoung realises. Maybe a little bit too late.

the classic childhood best friends trope that i love because i think that the best kind of love develops slowly, and not all at once.

“The last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind”

Wooyoung glared at his phone, desperately wringing his hands together. pick up, pick up. fuck

the call went to voicemail. wooyoung dropped his face into his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes as hard as he could, breathing turning ragged. where are you where are you come back

he knew he had no right to demand anything at this point. this was his fault. but an eerily silent group chat sent chills down the back of his spine and left regret clawing at the back of his throat. i didn’t mean it.

he waited for a moment, then picked up his phone from the table. he scrolled down to his latest chat, rereading the messages that had already imprinted themselves onto the back of his eyelids, haunting him, taunting him.

me: god, san, please. just tell me where he is, if he’s alright.

san: it’s not my place to say anything. i can’t speak for him.

me: that’s bullshit. he’s avoiding me, not you. not all of you.

san: not the point

me: none of you are on my side.

san: how can we be? did you hear yourself last night, woo?

me: i get it i fucking get it. i was an asshole. i’m trying to make it right

san: i don’t know that you can.

the scene blazed across wooyoung’s memory, hot and painful. it was all clenched fists, parted lips and wide eyes full of-

of what, he didn’t even know. a mix of sadness, disappointment and regret.

the worst part was the lack of anger. his best friend had a temper shorter than anyone else he had ever met, but anger was easy. anger could be dispelled with time, breathing, and wooyoung’s self proclaimed irresistible charm.

wooyoung got scared when he saw emotions he didn’t recognise, not even after 10 years of friendship.

and because wooyoung was a coward, he pretended that he couldn’t see, and let his best friend walk out his front door to god knows where. that was a week ago. and in the span of that week, wooyoung spiralled. he was grasping at straws, trying to fix the situation.

nothing worked. his best friend had wiped himself off social media and gone radio silent on every messaging app. the number that he memorised like the back of his hand went straight to voicemail, every single time. the worst part was his house. it felt cold and barren, without the familiar voice trailing from the living room when wooyoung woke up.

wooyoung was missing something that he didn’t know he had.

—

“you gave me all your love and all i gave you was goodbye”

love.

wooyoung believed in love just as much as the next person. he was a clingy extrovert who thrived off attention. he had grown up with hugs and kisses from his mom, the occasional girlfriend, and hoards of his classmates in school that vied for his attention. jung wooyoung was the epitome of lovable.

jung wooyoung didn’t know how to love.

rather, he didn’t understand that love came in different forms. love could come from the most withdrawn, silent individual. you just needed to know where to look, beyond the physical affection and vocal admiration.

jung wooyoung couldn’t sense it.

not in the “tell me about your day” that always popped up when he ended dance practice at 8pm, exhausted and cranky but always ready to complain about every single thing that had ticked him off.

not in the magical cups of coffee that appeared on his school desk the day of exams, sometimes with a little post it note. “you got this”

not in the silent presence that was by his side watching him play video games with someone else. the presence that worked mutely in his kitchen, greeting wooyoung with a dinner that he never asked for, but was somehow always what he wanted. the presence that never uttered anything to ask for wooyoung’s attention, seemingly content with just being next to him.

jung wooyoung was a fool.

buried under his covers, he clamped his hands against his ears, pressing as hard as he could,as if he could drown out his own voice sounding in his mind.

are you out of your mind? he heard himself say, over and over again. this isn’t a good prank, man.

then silence. the silence that was always comfortable and reliable, suddenly turned suffocating and tense. it was as if a barrier had erected itself between him and the person he thought he knew like the back of his hand

again, those eyes. the eyes that conveyed everything his impassive face didn’t. shining with mirth when wooyoung lost a game, dripping with fondness when wooyoung danced on stage,blazing with irritation as he shoved wooyoung away from him if he was disturbing his studying.

blank, distant eyes. wooyoung felt his stomach drop, the same sensation that he felt

at that very moment, like he lost something very important that he couldn’t get back.

—

“so this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying i’m sorry for that night.”

wooyoung had had enough. all his friends wouldn’t give him a straight answer to a very simple where is he?

wooyoung was nothing if not stubborn. he was going to find him, and fix everything. he didn’t know how, but he was going to do it.

frankly, it was almost a miracle that they hadn’t seen each other in two weeks, not even by accident. it was like he was going out of his way to avoid the places in campus that he knew wooyoung was going to be at, as if he memorised wooyoung’s timetable and classes and oh

he memorised wooyoung’s timetable, classes and practices. wooyoung stilled, feet stopping beside an empty classroom as he stared blankly at the empty hallway in front of him. classes were starting, and wooyoung was supposed to be in his European History lecture, but he literally could not care less about world war 2 at this moment.

how had he never noticed?

he was always slouched against a locker when wooyoung ended a 6pm economics lecture, whining for food and sleep. always outside the dance practice room hidden in a far block on campus at 10pm on fridays and sundays, with a bottle of water and wooyoung’s favourite ice cream. he always knew when wooyoung’s exams were, and made it a point to appear after every paper, ready to take wooyoung out for chicken. as a celebration if he did well, as a consolation if wooyoung was ready to burst into tears.

always there,without fail. it was the perfect summary of their friendship for the past decade,really.

and wooyoung would be damned if he let that slip through his fingers.

walking with a flame of newfound determination, he wandered through the school until he arrived outside the science labs. as an Arts student, he was never here. perhaps because he was never the one waiting. never reciprocating.

but the large white doors of the biology labs seemed daunting to him, even as he came to a halt in front of one with a plaque reading “anatomy lab”.

anatomy practical, 5pm. block D, level 3.

that was what he found after searching up the timetable of the medical students in his year.

the clock ticked closer to 630pm, when the class would be released. wooyoung tried to use the remaining moments to compose himself. he wasn’t going to throw a tantrum, he was here to apologise. he couldn’t start with why the fuck have you not talked to me in two weeks you bastard.

he wasn’t the bastard. wooyoung was. he was prepared to start with hey, i’m sorry. can we please talk?

but then the doors swung open, and students in lab coats filed past him. some looked at him curiously, and some waved, asking about a party happening this weekend. wooyoung just nodded and smiled, chest tightening, body bracing, like he was ready to be slapped.

and a metaphorical slap had never hurt as much before.

black nike shoes screeched to a halt metres away from him. the same worn shoes that had a permanent place in the shoe rack in front of wooyoung’s door.

wooyoung was staring, and he forgot how to speak.

he couldn’t recognise the person with swollen eyes and messy hair standing in front of him. his best friend was always impeccably neat, something that wooyoung constantly teased him about.

now, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. maybe two weeks. he looked at wooyoung as if he was going to lunge forward and sock him in the stomach.he looked at wooyoung with fear.

his lips clamped shut, while wooyoung struggled to get out the words he practiced. “i-“

he ran. wooyoung could only watch as his best friend bolted past him, barely grazing his shoulder as he fled. it still felt like a slap to the face. wooyoung was rooted to the spot, his blood felt like lead, he couldn’t move-

“if you don’t go after him, i will personally destroy you.” seonghwa glared at him, taking the place of the boy that ran, but substantially closer to wooyoung. he poked a finger into wooyoung’s chest, sighing loudly.

“he refuses to leave his house except for class. he won’t talk to anyone. he won’t go for his drone flying club or whatever the fuck he participates in. he’s broken, wooyoung, and we can’t fix him.” only you can

“fix him. fix the both of you.”

—

“if we loved again, i swear i’d love you right.”

wooyoung stood outside apartment number 4B, and his heart ached at how familiar it was. he was always welcome, but now it felt as if it was an impenetrable fortress that would swallow him whole.

he had nothing. no food, which he always used to appease his best friend’s anger. because this wasn’t anger. no prepared acts of acting cute, because this wasn’t irritation. just his heart in his hands, ready to be bared and presented. perhaps as a gift, more likely as a sacrifice. it was a sacrifice he was willing to give up.

“i know you’re in there.”

nothing

“i didn’t come here to hurt you.”

quiet.

“please.”

all he could hear was the ringing in his ears.

wooyoung breathed in once, deep. “fine. it’s okay, i’ll talk from here. i’m just banking on the fact that you’ll hear me out. it doesn’t matter if you don’t respond.”

this was the hardest thing wooyoung had ever done.

“i’m sorry. i know that’s the most useless thing to say right now, but i have to. i’m sorry i acted that way after what you said. i was being a complete idiot, and a jerk. you know i am that way, but that doesn’t excuse it. i’m really, really sorry”

breath two

“i miss you. it’s honestly been hell, these two weeks. my apartment’s a mess. all i’ve been eating is instant food, and honestly i couldn’t give a shit about all the tests we have right now. it’s always silent in there. i can’t blame all the guys for ignoring me, i deserve it, but it’s just- it’s just hard. i got used to you always being there. and it’s like i can’t function when you’re not.”

breath three

“i know i’m being selfish. i’m starting to think that i’m inherently a bad person, because even now i’m still thinking about myself. seonghwa said you haven’t left your house, that you won’t do anything. i’m sorry. fuck, i really am. you shouldn’t do all that. you shouldn’t have to suffer, you didn’t do anything wrong. i’m the one that made the mistake. so please, come back. you don’t have to come back to me, but the guys. they’re worried. so am I, but i’m past the point of deserving anything from you.”

breath 4

“i couldn’t stop thinking about that night.” wooyoung dropped his gaze, even though the door remained resolutely shut

“i know you can’t either. fuck, i messed up. i didn’t mean any of that shit, i honestly don’t know why i said that. but i’ve been thinking about it. about you. i think about you a lot.”

here goes nothing

“you’re important to me. you’ve always been, since we were dumb kids fighting over a soccer ball in the school playground. and i think i just finally realised how, how much i started to rely on you. i need you. it’s like i can’t breathe without you, and i just realised because you were always there,and i didn’t know to miss you. fuck, i miss you. “

“i’m pathetic. i don’t know how to understand you like you understand me. i don’t know why you put up with me, i’d probably get tired of myself. but you do. and i-“

wooyoung struggled to get his bearings through the shaky breaths that come through his lips, eyes blurry. there’s so much he wants to say.

like how he finally understands the meaning behind every little action that he took for granted. how his eyes have finally opened to another way of communicating, of expressing care and concern.

i know. i know it’s your language, and i must have been fucking blind my whole life to miss it but please don’t stop talking to me i’m just starting to understand.

how he realises just how much his best friend means to him, right when he’s on the brink of losing him

“i get it now. you’ve always been too good for me. and i’m sorry it took this for me to see what was always in front of me”

wooyoung can be brave for once. wooyoung can be the one giving.

—

“and if the chain is on your door, i understand.”

three words. just three words.

“i love you.”

wooyoung shuts his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in a bid to stop the hot tears. the door is still shut, and the silence is threatening to overwhelm him.

“i don’t expect you to accept that. i know i hurt you. but i had to come and say it. maybe this is me being selfish again.”

one last breath.

“but i swear on everything we’ve ever promised over the past 10 years. i mean it. yeosang, if you can hear me, i love you. i should’ve said it back that night, i don’t know why i didn’t, because now i look back and i think i must have loved you from the start.”

wooyoung blinked rapidly, and tilts his head upright to start at the block of mahogany in front of him.

“if you’re out of your mind, then i am too.” a wry smile found its way onto his lips as his mind replays a decade of laughter and memories, bitterly juxtaposed against the crippling loneliness and fear he feels right now. he’s going to walk away, and his best friend isn’t going to chase him.

“i’m gonna go now. i’m sorry, yeo. i won’t blame you for not believing me.”

—

but apparently jung wooyoung still doesn’t understand kang yeosang.

kang yeosang has never been able to push wooyoung away. not when they were 10, and definitely not when they’re 20.

someone grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt and yanked him back harshly. wooyoung stumbled, and his heart flipped in his chest. before he can comprehend anything, he’s being pinned against the mahogany door, but on the other side.

wooyoung loves yeosang’s eyes, because they burn with an intensity that is incomparable to anything else. wooyoung is still crying.

“if there’s one thing i hate about myself, it’s that i don’t know how to not love you, jung wooyoung.”

wooyoung thinks that he finally, finally, comprehends everything as yeosang crushes their bodies together in a semblance of a hug. but it’s tinged with desperation, and years of unspoken words and hidden actions. it’s the physical representation of please don’t leave me.

jung wooyoung is a fool. but he’s starting to learn.

lesson number 1: he’s in love with kang yeosang.

[love-fireflysong]

Day 18: Photo

Fandom: Until Dawn Character(s): Chris Hartley, Josh Washington, Ashley Brown Words: 1962 Rating: Teen (language bitches!) Author’s Notes: *Nickelback’s ‘Photograph’ plays in the background* Still alive over here! And it’s not angst this time! Amazing, I know. Big reason this one is so late is because after spending 3 days thinking about what to do for this, I still had nothing. And then I inspiration came to me in the shower so here we are: the follow-up to Deals and Arguments that probably no one wanted! Because lets be honest, if Ash is the one who writes ‘Ashley Hartley’ in her books, then Chris absolutely scribbled a heart with their initials by accident once. And that’s all it takes for Josh...

For almost as long as Chris had known him, Josh had always been obsessed with the idea. He wants to say that it started when they were in fifth grade, when their teacher, Ms. Franks, announced to the class that since she was pregnant, that she was going to be taking a leave of absence just before the end of the school year. Someone, he couldn’t recall who, had asked if they had a name for the baby picked out, but he could recall the response as though it had happened only yesterday.

“It’s still a little too early for names, but if they’re gonna be a girl, we’re thinking of naming her after a mutual best friend of ours.”

Ever since then, Josh had been all over the idea. Every dare, every piece of blackmail, every ‘dying’ wish was the same: “Name your kid Josh.” When he was younger, Chris would laugh and shove Josh away with a roll of his eyes. It was funny back when he was like ten or eleven, or hell, even when he was thirteen! He was gonna be a super cool app developer, he wasn’t gonna have time for marriage, much less kids. All of his time was gonna be spent developing super awesome games and apps that were gonna save the world! Or something. 

While his mind didn’t exactly change the moment he met Ashley the summer after he turned thirteen, he is ashamed to admit it was pretty dang close. Josh introduced Ash to him in their favorite fast food diner, and declared the three of them to be best friends, til death do us part, yada yada yada. At the end of July, the three of them were inseparable, and by the beginning of school that September, he was gone. Donezo baby! Head-over-fucking-heels for the little braces wearing, red-head that read Sherlock Holmes and Shakespeare for fun.

And unsurprisingly, Josh never let up on his demand. Nope, he did not! In fact, he got even worse about it. 

He needed to borrow a pencil for math? Name your kid after me. 

Can he spot him a couple of bucks for ice cream? Only if you name your kid Josh. 

When did the Battle of the Alamo take place? 1846. But I’ll tell you the right answer if you swear to name your first-born after me. 

While extremely exhausting to try and avoid, Chris was able to do so easily. He just started asking the kid who sat behind him in class for pencils, borrowed money from Ash instead, and he’d rather fail history then name his kid after Josh. Thankfully, after his first bombed history exam, Ash made all three of them do their homework together constantly, so the last one became a moot point. Barely.

Eventually, Josh tapered off on the demand, but not until after the start of the next school year. Most people probably would have stopped a few weeks in, but most people weren’t Josh Washington. When he wanted something, the guy stuck to his guns and didn’t give it up for nothing. Not that he stopped entirely of course, Josh still brings it up during dares and shit but it becomes immensely more manageable. He notices that he doesn’t ask it of Ash during these game, but when he considers the completely mortified look she gets on her face when ever he gets asked, Chris figures that its probably for the best.

(The fact that he not only stops that day Chris walked back into Ash’s bedroom and she’s as red as her hair while shoving something into her desk drawer, but that��s also when the mortification starts, he doesn’t clue into until years later.)

So when Josh walks up to him during their first period together with the absolute shittiest of shit-eating grins on his face, Chris is on red high alert.

“Oh no. What did you do?”

The laugh Josh gives is low and dark, and if Chris’s hackles weren’t raised earlier, they sure as fucking-hell are now. “Oh no, Cochise. It’s not what I’ve done, it’s what you’ve done.” With that, Josh proceeds to just slam a binder onto Chris’s desk, and he looks to see that he recognizes it easily.

“Okay...? I don’t see what my math notes have to do with anything.”

Another laugh, this one somehow darker and eviler then the first. Oh boy, those alarms going off in his head aren’t getting any quieter. “Oh, it has absolutely everything to do with you.” Before Chris can even respond, Josh is already flipping through the pages, past older pieces of loose-leaf that ripped from the binder coils that he hadn’t bothered to repair and and the newer notes with their edges still intact, and stops at the most recent. At first Chris doesn’t see anything, it’s all his notes about logarithms that he had taken the previous day, blue ink scratchy and messy all across the page, and then he does. And he absolutely blanches at the sight and hurriedly slams the binder shut, putting his face in his arms as he covers his head, actually whimpering as he refuses to look at Josh.

He doesn’t have to look to see the triumphant grin on Josh’s face, he can already imagine it pretty clearly. 

“Oh fuck me.”

The worst part is that he didn’t even know it was there in the first place, he never would have lent his notes out otherwise. Josh had been missing more and more school recently, claiming that he was having killer headaches and they were making him sick, so Chris had done what friends do for each other and lent him his notes. What he didn’t realize was that at some point when he had been taking notes down, he had drawn a little heart in the margins with the initials CH+AB inside. Something he never would have done if Josh had been there with him, but he hadn’t been, so Chris had zoned out thinking about meeting up with Ash after school to bring Josh his homework.

He was so dead.

“What do you want?” Though muffled through his arms, he cringed at how small and weak his voice came out.

God, he could hear the stupid grin in Josh’s voice when he answered. “You know exactly what I want, Cochise. What I’ve always wanted.”

Chris didn’t remove his head from his arms on the desk, but he did turn it enough to narrow his eyes at Josh. “Are you fucking serious dude? Really? You’re still on about that shit?”

“I will never stop. You know this to be true.”

“I am not naming my stupid kid after you! I mean, maybe I won’t ever have kids. I’m certainly not gonna if I have to name them Josh!”

Josh rolled his eyes, but the wide grin never left his face. “You don’t have to name all of them after me. Just one.” Somehow, Chris watched the grin get even wider as a thought came to him. “Maybe two, if they’re twins. Can you imagine? The twins, Joshua and Joshlynn, it’ll be great!”

“Okay, now I’m definitely never having kids.”

Josh gave a short bark of laughter. "Please, like that’s ever gonna happen. You wanna know why, Cochise? Cause if Ash is gonna want kids, then you’re gonna want kids.”

He couldn’t help it. He really, truly couldn’t help it. The image of little kids with bright red hair and glasses flashed through his mind unbidden, and he groaned loudly and put his face back into his arms to hide how red his face had gotten.

“Anything else, dude. Make me do anything else. I will strip and run through the entire school naked if you want, just don’t make me promise you this stupid shit.” God, if only he hadn’t drawn that stupid heart on his stupid notes, then none of this would be happening right now! He sat up in his seat at the revelation. “Wait. I can just rewrite the page and burn this one.”

“Oh, Chris Chris Chris.” They way Josh shakes his head in disappointment sends around a million different alarm bells ringing. “Do you really think that little of me? I took like a million pictures my dude. This shit is saved forever. I can send this to Ash whenever the fuck I want. I can post this on whatever social media I feel like and it will live on the internet forever, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Oh. Right. Shit. “I can’t believe that you can literally blackmail me with anything right now, and this is the hill you’re dying on.”

“So are we in agreement then?”

“I cannot believe I’m saying this, but yes. Fine. I will name my stupid kid after your stupid ass.”

“Oh please. Your kid may be stupid, but there is no way that any kid of Ashley’s is gonna be.”

“...I hate you so much right now.”

--------------------------------------------------

Chris hadn’t meant to respond the way he did when he found the old notebook he had bought for Ash years ago. He really hadn’t. He had just been excited to find out that she had kept the stupid thing after all these years, he hadn’t even been joking when he told her that he had spent ages in the store looking for it. (”It has to be perfect, Mom! I can’t just buy her any stupid old journal, she loves these things! I mean, what if she hates it?”) So he had opened it and started flipping through the pages, laughing with her at all the stupid misspellings and bad grammar that her thirteen year-old self had written.

And then he reached the last page.

Things had really been out of his hands at that point. Something about seeing her writing her name down as ‘Ashley Hartley’ had just ignited something in him. The images of her walking down an aisle, of them with matching rings on their fingers, of kids running underfoot, was too much for him to handle. So Chris had kissed her. Kissed her like he was never gonna be able to do it again. Them falling onto her bed had been an accident, though a happy one, as they both didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss.

Finally, he had pulled away and her giggle when she moved to fix his glasses had taken his breath away. It had quickly returned when his eyesight improved enough to really take in the image of Ash flushed pink with her red hair spread out under her on the bed, and he was suddenly reminded that she was going to be living with him soon! That this was a sight he was going to be waking up to every morning at the end of the month, and he had never wanted anything so bad in his life.

“So,” his voice is rougher than usual when he speaks and he can feel her shiver under him at it. He makes a note for future reference. “Ashley Hartley, huh?” 

He watches her bite her lip, and it takes everything in him to not kiss her again. Two years in, and he’s still amazed that he’s allowed to kiss her whenever he wants, that she encourages it even! “Be honest with me,” she starts off and Chris has never been told to do something so easy in his life, “what do you think of the name Joshlynn?”

He stares at her for just a moment, just letting her words sink in, and then falls forward to smother himself in her hair, his shoulders shaking he’s laughing so hard. Of course. Of fucking course he did.

“So he got you too, I see.”  

[bluedaviau]

「 cherry. rachel hilson. cis female. she/her. 」 are you ready for the time of your life, BLUE DAVIAU? the TWENTY ONE year old FINE ART graduate from tulane is ready to HOT AIR BALLOON  in DUBAI this semester. close friends would describe them as IDEALISTIC and CREATIVE, but there’s really only one way to find out. get ready for what august has in store for you, BLUE ! 「 pepper. twenty one. est. she/her. 」

ABOUT THE MUN.  the 2000 claymation film chicken run radicalized me

what up, i’m pepper, i’m twenty four, and not to flex but i’ve had writer’s block for two str8 months !! but i’m hoping to change that right here right now with one ms. blue daviau so thank you for coming on this journey with me friends it’s gonna be wild. a bit about me is i’ve gone to the mall literally every day this week and honestly, i am Exhausted from it so i apologize for the mess this intro is about to be. i’m a taurus with a libra moon and libra rising so do with that information what you will. my favourite pokemon is mewtwo. growing up i had a massive crush on danny phanton and ben 10, like i loved those lanky boys that could transform to fight crime for some reason?? i can’t tell you why. also when i was a child i thought god looked like king triton from the little mermaid. alright that is enough about me, moving on to blue. 

BIO.  if you use my coloured pencils you better put them back in rainbow order

this is going to be the short version of her bio but if you want to see the long rambly messy version you can find my google doc/app here ! which i recommend you looking at for no other reason than to see how cute the little cherry doodle i inserted in there is. it took me so long to get that in there and looking cute. it’s baby’s first fancy google doc 😌 anyways sdjhdsjh 

blue was born and raised in hawaii! her mother, stormi, was miss hawaii state at one point and her father, reggie, was a pro surfer! however before blue was born her father had a surfing accident that left him in a wheelchair. he turned to art to try to cope with the trauma of this accident and the reality of never being able to surf again, and he even opened up his own gallery! his gallery became a tourist attraction in hawaii and pretty well known in the art community and after passing down her crown blue’s mother became a news anchor. so the fact was blue was the daughter of two local legends in hawaii and the expectations were high!

not to mention the fact that all of blue’s elder siblings were amazing too. blue has five older siblings and all of them are successful in their own right and in their own niche. they’re also all named after colours funnily enough. the daviau parents had big hippy energy in case you were wondering. 

so growing up blue was always just kind of the ‘other’ sibling. all her older siblings had showed their talents at a young age and grew into them pretty quickly, while blue was just kind of... there. she was an artist, but she wasn’t a groundbreaking artist. she could sing, but her voice was simply pretty, not lifechanging. she could surf, but she was average at best. to put it simply, blue was the daviau sibling who wasn’t at all special. which ironically, made her stand out like a sore thumb. 

blue didn’t mind too much though, at least not when she was younger. she kept to herself anyways. all blue wanted do when she was younger was read, draw, and explore hawaii’s wild life, so she had everything she could possibly need to be happy right at her fingertips. life was good for her despite her inadequacy, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t aware of it (and wouldn’t develop a complex about it later).

when blue was six though her parents decided that they needed to have sweet, sweet, baby number seven to save their marriage. they named that sweet boy gray. he did not save a damn thing, but he sure was cute. blue was eleven when her parents finally divorced and that pretty much marked the end of blue having any kind of parental guidance. 

long story short, both of blue’s parents went kinda buckwild the moment they were single and most of the responsibility to take care of five year old gray fell on blue. blue was the one to make gray’s meals. blue was the one to give gray a bath. blue was the one to tuck gray in at night and get him into his school clothes in the morning. blue was the one to help him with his homework and hold his hand as he crossed the street and honestly pretty much do everything for him until she was about seventeen. both her parents simply checked out on that front, and it the end blue was more of a mother to gray than either of their parents were. 

the pressure of having to not only take care of herself but also gray when she wasn’t even legally an adult yet, was honestly way too much for blue. her anxiety skyrocketed, and the pressure she put on herself only grew. the only way blue could really cope with it and calm herself down was by 1. losing herself in nature, 2. drawing, or 3. reading, or rather most likely, doing all of the above at once. using art of an escape pretty much guaranteed that blue’s love and passion for it grew, and with that her talent for it. by that time blue was seventeen she had a full portfolio ready to send off to any university outside of hawaii that would take her. because you bet your bottom dollar your girl was getting the hell outta there!

as we all know blue got accepted to tulane. it was hard to leave gray and her family behind, but blue set her mother and father straight before she left, ensuring that gray would be well taken care of in her stead and hoping that some distance between herself and her family that was so dependent on her (her mother never new how to cook so blue made all the meals, her father never knew how to handle gray so he was always coming to blue to advice, gray was absolutely lost without her, etc) would lift that pressure off her shoulders. 

it didn’t at first. the first few months were tough with all the calls blue got from home. that plus the schoolwork she had on her plate almost left her more stressed than before. however, slowly the calls began to fade and slowly blue was able to put her full focus in her art program, and later, her animation programs. 

sorry folks my brain is fried, we’re gonna stop here!

HEADCANNONS. on all levels except physical i am sitting on top of the moon with my legs swinging back and forth

Blue’s father is in a wheelchair from the surfing accident that made him take up art. His past as a professional surfer is actually part of the reason why his gallery is so popular though honestly, because the accident was televised and after that tragedy many of his fans and the public wanted to support him. He just also so happened to be really talented. But yeah, Blue’s father was really talented at surfing, he was even invited to the summer olympics in the nineties! But he was also the type to refuse to go because ‘surfing should be freeing, the olympics have so many restrictions, it takes away from what surfing is!!’ dkjsd he was that type yk? I also imagine Blue’s parents were the type to be on the front lines at protests. As it is, Blue is the same, very passionate, definitely has made some bomb ass posters and t-shirts for every women's march she’s attended.

Blue can play the ukulele really well and she honestly has a really pretty singing voice. However she can’t dance even a little bit. Honestly, she could literally break a bone. Really wants to throw it back though ���

Loves to bake and cook because they’re relaxing activities with built in rewards. Learned to bake and cook because of having to take care of herself and her brother's meals when she was younger, that is if she didn’t want them both to literally get diabetes. As it is though, now that she doesn’t have to worry about her baby brother’s diet as well as her own, she will make a whole chocolate cake just cause she’s a little stressed and proceed to actually eat it. But she will share though. Catch Blue coming to your hotel room with sweets.

All of Blue’s elder siblings are adults now, but Gray is still about sixteen. They exchanged letters from Hawaii to Tulane and Blue always spends hours decorating hers and including little snacks and cute little knick knacks in them, despite the fact that Gray is now an angsty teenager and does not find these things as entertaining as he used to. Despite that, they are definitely the closest out of their siblings for the most part.

Blue’s siblings' names are Sage, Jett, Jade, Ruby, Rose and of course Gray. Jade and Jett, and Ruby and Rose are both twins.

The type to cry easily honestly. Also the type to carry other people’s problems with her. Like if you tell Blue that someone hurt your feelings last week she will remember and she will check on you the next time she sees you. Very empathetic, almost to a fault though because she’s constantly being careful of everyone else’s feelings rather than her own. The type who’s a good listener though. Also the type to give either really good advice or really odd advice.  

Art still tends to be her happy place, something she got from her father. Trying to find her own place outside of her father's shadow. She wants to get into the world of animation and cartoons but the whole task is a bit daunting. Is planning to work her ass off for it though! Spends a lot of time in coffee shops storyboarding and making animations. I think she may have a contract going on with a cartoon network of some sort, like they may have picked up a show of hers? Because I imagine her putting out some of her first shorts on Youtube and that might have gotten a bit of attention and led to her getting a deal for a show, so. She’s probably working her ass off towards that, and is honestly probably 1.doubting if they really picked up her show because of her talent or her father’s name, and 2.wondering if she can really do this.

Loves water in all shapes and forms. Since she can’t go to the beach everyday, the small bath in her tiny ass apartment??? Suddenly heaven. That said, Blue is either terrified of the ocean or loves it and I can’t decide which. Standby on that.

Makes a great coffee cake. Like it’s to die for.

Is VERY passionate about the environment. Is a pescatarian. Goes to the farmers market to pick out fresh produce. Loves to hike.

Always has the urge to sketch or paint after she reads poetry or novels. Highlights her favourite bits and has the tendency to read them over when she’s sad. The parts she loves are usually the parts that leave her wanting something.

Draws when she’s sad too. Claire Saffitz energy when she’s cooking but also just through life. Very friendly, but an introvert when it comes to gathering her energy.

Lives for libraries and bookstores, and has stacks on stacks of books in her old apartment. Loves old children's books honestly, like The Secret Garden, and poetry. Like whimsical and fantastical fiction with flowery words that just brings you to another place? Blue’s freaking jam. Falls in love with someone in fiction every five days, and desperately wants to be in love in real life, hence all the tinder dates and blind dates. I don’t think Blue ever has fallen in love though, like not really.

An absolute baby when it comes to the cold. Literally there could be a slight breeze and Blue will be acting like she’s suddenly in the arctic.  Any cold destinations will be greeted by a bundled up Blue’s Clues.

Made her first painting out of her own feces at six months old. Her parents proudly framed it. It’s probably still up in the attic in their Hawaii home.

Won her first art show at six but was unsure whether it was because her art really was something worth awarding or because of her father’s name. The award got her on the front page of the Honolulu Tribune but with her father proudly at her back and the title ‘Following in her father’s footsteps’ above her head. Blue just wants to find her own footing in the art world, and be her own person.

Keeps a journal and has since she was a teenager.

WANTED CONNECTIONS. i’m the friend that needs help opening water bottles. 

coming to theatres near you soon!

[rahullkohli]

about the weight watchers app for kids...i’m thinking it may be for overweight/obese kids? i can see it being mentally taxing for those who are at a normal weight for their size. can you explain more about how it’s child abuse?

hello. thank you so much for actually being chill and open for a dialogue, unlike how aggressive people have been about the post.

anyway, i have been thinking about how to tackle this one the entire day, and i am afraid it’s gonna be a long one, so i’ll put it under a cut. i’m just gonna start out with a little background about myself, to explain how i am forming my opinions on the subject, and where my knowledge comes from.

i have been overweight more or less my entire life, even though i have gone through anorexia and bulimia, and have been eating below my necessary calorie intake literally my entire life (i grew up very poor, so we just simply didn’t have enough, or satisfyingly nourishing, food in the house). to this day i struggle with disordered eating patterns and body dysmorphia. i have been lifting weights on/off for 12 years, and i have been seeing a licensed nutritionist for a year and a half now, which has helped me lose 22 kg. i am still working on it. i have worked with a long line of fitness trainers (my mom is a licensed fitness trainer, for one), and about three different nutritionists. so while i don’t have any education in either of those fields, i have worked with professionals that have taught me a lot. i have also studied psychology in college for a year, and specifically child psychology for another year - i also spent a year working with kids ages 2-6.

my two youngest sisters did a weightwatchers program when they were around 8 and 10, so i have also seen upclose how that works. that was many years ago - and not in america - so i do know that the way things worked then/works in america compared to where i live, may not be the exact same. but the guidelines for the company, and their strategies should be the same, since it is afterall the same company. now, both of my sisters lost weight. they also gained it back. and more, and more, and both of them are extremely overweight today. in the way that i am the “thin” sister, compared. and they are eating disordered. they have no grasp of how to deal with food. they are intelligent women, and they know the basics of “if you eat too much pizza and ice cream, you will gain weight” but they don’t know, and don’t have the energy, to apply it to how they live. they are not only compulsive overeaters, they also don’t have a healthy eating pattern that could help stabilize their metabolism.

okay, so with that out of the way, let’s get to the actual app - and weightwatchers.

the app offers a diet, even though it is a fact that diets do not work. they literally do not. people who go on a diet will gain the weight right back on, and more. because diets are short-term solutions, and they are designed to make someone lose X amount of weight in X amount of time. it is not sustainable - just as with the oh-so-popular juice cleanses. for someone to lose weight, and keep it off, a complete lifestyle change is needed, but that is just not as simple as some companies, magazines, blogs, etc. will make it sound. because every single person is unique and what their body needs to maintain a healthy weight is unique to them specifically. in order to lose weight your daily calorie intake needs to be in a caloric deficit, but this depends on your height, your current weight, how your body is built, and more. those are things the app simply don’t take into account. now, i haven’t actually downloaded the app myself (i refuse to give them the clicks), but a licensed trainer i follow on instagram posted screencaps on her story. as far as i could see they take height and weight, and that’s that. but the human body is much more complex than just height and weight - especially when it comes to children and teenagers, who are growing, and going through tremendous hormonal changes. but i will get to that later.

what should also be taken into account are things like hormonal imbalances, and the fact that people breaks down macronutrients (carbhohydrates, proteins and fats) differently. fx, my sisters have poly cystic ovary syndrome (pcos), which means that their bodies can’t handle carbohydrates very well, whereas i need most carbs, medium protein, small amounts of fats. but apps like these don’t take that into account, because it is impossible for an app to do a check for what every single individual needs. i for example recently found out that my body doesn’t break down dairy very well. i have been using plant based milk, yogurt, ice cream and butter, instead of animal based for years, and only very small amounts of animal based cheese, so when my nutritionist had me switch to animal based yogurt i started gaining weight. i went back to plant based and the weight went off.

nutrition and a healthy lifestyle cannot be taught simplistic, because it is about the individual, and it takes a trial, error and do-over period to find what works for your specific body. and what works for your body now, might not have worked ten years ago, or ten years from now, because hormones changes how our bodies processes macronutrients. but this app is a “one size fits all”-system.

and this system. the system it is using is based on shaming children; making them feel inadequate, making them scared, and ashamed of their bodies. the “before and after” photos i have seen, have all been kids who weren’t even that big to begin with. and the fact that the “goals” to choose from when signing up includes choices such as “make my parents proud” is manipulative and destructive for a child/teenager. no kid should ever even have the thought that they need to be a certain weight/size, or their parents won’t be proud of them. the entire set-up is sowing the seed that their weight is the deciding factor for their worth as people, which is the beginning to eating disorders.

now, kids’ bodies really start changing around the age of eight (the age of which you can sign up for this monster); these years are called pre-teens for a reason. hormones really start flowing, and body fat is really needed to help the hormones and toxins take care of the body. but if a child is forced to lose excessive amounts of body fats, this can’t happen. this is one of the reasons that professional child ballerinas, gymnasts, ice skaters, etc. don’t develop until very late. some don’t even get their period until their twenties, because their development has been stunted by excessive dieting and exercising.

their psyche of children and teens are also really delicate, and they are in the process of developing what kind of people they are going to be. not only that, also what their relationships with their bodies are gonna be like. if they are constantly told by their parents/siblings/apps that they need to lose weight, that they have to track and count every calorie they consider eating, and every step they take, does that seem like a healthy foundation for how they view their body, nutrition and exercise in the future?

the way the app works is with the so-called stoplight system, where if when you put in a food it will either give you a green light (good), yellow light (medium) or red light (bad) - but the thing is that, again, that is not how simple nutrition is. you would think that the red foods would be soda, ice cream, chips etc., and the green foods would be stuff like fruits and vegetables. but again, the trainer i followed said that she put in her food for the day: a protein bar, two eggs with bread, and a piece of fruit. the protein bar came up red, the eggs and bread yellow and the fruit green. now, all of these foods are things that are written down in my carefully calculated meal plan from my nutritionist. in my plan i also have lots of vegetables, pasta, rice, chicken, even chocolate and chips. but the thing is that it’s all about how much of it i eat. and that is another thing the app doesn’t seem to take into consideration. if i was to put in nothing but vegetables it would give me green light the whole way, but it would not be nourishing for a whole day. 

this app is forming their minds to spend all their energy worrying about what they eat, when they eat, how they eat. think of an eight year old with this app going to a birthday party - do you think they would be able to enjoy regular kiddie birthday party food, with the red light in the back of their heads? even if it is just one day? this app is gonna rob them of their childhood, and being able to enjoy life.

so, what i am trying to say is that the app is bad because the system doesn’t work. it is not teaching healthy habits, it is not giving advice on how to obtain a sustainable weightloss, and it doesn’t care about whether the children are actually overweight or not. it is created by a company whose sole purpose is to make money.

i don’t think that all of the parents who are buying into this are doing it because they are evil; i do believe that they think they are doing what is best for their children, but their views on body images and nutrition have also been skewed by the media and the diet culture we are living in. parents may look at their daughter’s chubby cheeks and think she’s unhealthy when she is literally just a kid with puppy fat that she will grow out of once adolescence hits. sure, there are kids who are truly in an unhealthy state with their bodies, but then the parents should have the help from a licensed professional, starting out with seeing a doctor who can tell them whether their child truly is overweight to a degree that it is dangerous, and from there on be referred to professionals that knows what they are doing. kids shouldn’t feel guilty when eating, but they will with this app.

i do realize that overweight is a problem, for both children and adults - not just in america, but most of the western world. (fun fact: the other day i saw a program that said that china is, as of 2017, the “fattest” country in the world, so it’s not just the western world, i just don’t have enough information about other places to say anything about that.) but a “one size fits all”-app is not the way to handle this issue. there are way too many layers to the problem to fix that.

not only is it important to remember that overweight does not equal unhealthy, regardless of age, gender, race, or anything else, but unhealthy overweight is especially tied to low-income persons, as nourishing food is much more expensive and accessible to people with middle-class and above incomes.

there is also the fact that education about proper nourishment is non-existent. what people know about dietary information is what they get from the media, where they will tell you garbage like goat milk is bad one day, and literally the next the same publication will tell you it’s the fountain of youth. it’s unreliable, and has no roots in actual science. even statistics can’t be trusted, because those often stem from surveys and projects paid for by big cooperations who are paying for an outcome in their favor.

so, to sum it all up; this app is based on a system that uses bodyshaming and guilt to throw kids and adults alike into a vicious cycle of yo-yo weight patterns, eating disorders and hateful relationships with themselves, their bodies and their sense of selfworth. i don’t think parents who buys into this app are overall evil, but it is an obvious tool for abusive parents who uses guilt, shame, punishment and scare tactics to manipulate their children into the above mentioned unhealthy patterns, because the parents themselves are victims of the fatphobic diet culture we are living in. not to mention that the parents don’t have access to proper information themselves.

aside from that, you can also see in the notes of the original post, that there are incredibly many people, who will tell stories about how forced diet in their childhood/teen years has been a kickstart to a lifelong series of mental and physical health issues.

this app is preying on scared parents to capitalize of a beauty obsessed ideal that is completely unrealistic.

i have also written a post about nutrition here that may be of interest to anyone reading this.

i am open to any questions, and constructive criticism. other than that i just hope i have been able to explain why i believe this app is harmful, and that it has been an informative read. thank you so much for reading to the end.

xxx

[theyvegotussurrounded]

I would like to be completely honest here for a second. The internet and social media is scaring the shit out of me. The constant belittlement of everything I do and everything I am, getting told cruel things for believing what I do and using certain apps. The internet is toxic, and I'm tired of it.

On Twitter, I am criticized for having an inability to own an iphone and all the accessories and for thinking for myself. I cannot do anything without being hurt mentally, I cannot do anything without thinking how badly it could hurt me 20 or 30 years in the future.

On Instagram, I think I have my only safe website. I can calmy express what I believe and like what I like without getting completely destroyed mentally. Without leading to self harm or a suicide attempt. I can have what I have without being told I don't deserve to have rights.

On Facebook, I have another moderately safe place, albeit way too political.

On Tumblr, well, it's Tumblr. This god-forsaken site and it's user base has led me to so, so fucking many suicide attempts. Everything I do is constantly scrutinized, I'm told to kill myself for having certain beliefs or thinking a certain way. The staff refuses to do anything. It's incompetent. It's illegal. They have treasonous content on there, things threatening to kill people and posts explaining how they'll kill the president. That shit is deemed okay on tumblr, yet believing something slightly more controversial or conservative is wrong. tumblr is an echo chamber for the sensitive people who have god complexes and think they're rabbits or mermaids. The reporting system is broken and this website is most of why I suffer from anxiety, paranoia and a severe fear of the internet.

Reddit is toxic. Everything is under constant scrutiny. It's like tumblr for 30 year old men who don't want tumblr to call them pedophiles.

Youtube is more safe for me, but It's in no way any better than Facebook. I am criticized for wanting to show my talents and the people who say this shit get away free. No harm.

I am 13. I am trans. I am gay. I shouldn't have known this shit at eight. That is what the internet does. I was forced to have uninformed opinions at a young age in order to have any sense of self worth.

I know about things I should never know. I know just how cruel all sides of politics can be, with one side wanting to kill anyone slightly different and the other side being chock full off people who want to kill anyone who doesn't agree with their exact beliefs and anyone who doesn't want to call them bunself. I'm tired of it. Yes, these are extremes, but I've seen far too much of both.

I can't leave these websites, I am trapped. I have far and few friends across these sites, and I can't leave them. I can't establish myself as a musician, like I've been trying to do for years, in this modern age without these websites. I have my life on these platforms, I have everything on these.

The internet is terrifying to me. I've gone through trauma thanks to social media. I've gone through friends faking their suicides, and I've gone through actually losing people online to suicide. I've been "exposed" online thanks to my slightly more conservative beliefs (think Hunter Avallone and Blaire White mixed but a bit more liberal).

Social media makes me want to break down and cry. It makes me want to kill myself. It hurts me. It's painful. Social media has turned me into someone I don't want to be. It's traumatized me. My therapist near a year ago thought that it was a pleasant platform. It's my case that changed his mind.

Social media has made me bitter and hateful, social media and the constant way I've been treated has caused me to develop severe anger issues, leading me to be put in inpatient before, and now it's making me want to go back.

I want away.

[crazyspookies]

ZRS7 Thoughts

ok so i know im posting this before writing my other recaps but ive been trying to tie strings together these past few missions and i was walking aroudn listening to m29 (which made me feel SO validated cos i was constantly thinking about the fact that if the v-types are the originals then there had to be something in the edda and the other stuff we treasure hunted that might help, because how did them ancient people get all those zombies to go take a centuries old nap???) and i haven’t actually finished it yet cos i got to thinking about things ill talk later in more detail but simmer down to:

Theory A:

1) I’ve always thought van ark might be alive. I mean i know we injected him with the serum and yadda yadda but what if he survived the helicopter accident? After all, five did. And we never got to see the body cos hurr durr new canton got it first which i...didn’t feel v sure about. So what if the ministry just got their claws on the body first??

2) I swear to god in s5 I, at least twice, thought van ark was going to appear in one of those body tanks, like when lobatse showed us and then sigrid too. And Both times i though “well here it is, he’s going to be in one of those” He wasn’t but i was ttly expecting it to happen

3) This thing about veronica commenting how those nanovores sigrid had were meant to get rid of van ark in case she needde to kill him is...not random. but not not random either.

Theory B:

1) Look. I know general sage is cool and whatever. I really liked how he was the only other reasonable person in the first summit at the beggining of the season and the fact that he had some study about how communities developed in the apocalypse and stuff. The problem is that i am a naturally suspicious person especially when it comes to the media. Everyone is a suspect and my brain refuses to trust anyone. And the thing is, i’m not liking how the app is very obviously trying to make me suck sage dick. I know i may sound like Bitter Peter but he’s just too good?? oooh look he has great outreach ideasss, and he can talk peter out of suicideee and he has amazing organizational and social skillsss and his people have mantained good librariesss. Ok first of all, Fuck off with your facts.

2) So as i said i was walking around only half listening to the mission because i was thinking about all of these things and then Ellie said the words “ Oh, it’s all methods [...] with Sage.” Also the word method is used a few times here. And honestly if i didn’t do these recaps i wouldn’t have noticed at All because i know that i forgot about it till i read it in one of them the other day, but the riders said that on top of them all there was someone called The Method and that’s hella suspicious and it might ttly be a coincidence or a red herring meant to distract me in which case i like to congratulate s2s for messing with me. I mean i had thought Annie (maybe with brent) was The Methos because why not but i don’t know anything at this point.

Theory 3(ish):

1) then the crazy thought came. What if van ark survived the helicopter crash adn he also regenerated like peter did and now he has a different face. Then i thought what if he's sageeeee. But like, i think this is overreaching maybe. I don't trust van ark to know shit about how to even fake for so long how to be useful and kind to society and create ways to make a better community and be sensitive to other's emotions. He can’t be that good at it. the part where he might be alive and got a new face is not that crazy though.

I still don’t know how breant and amelia and annie play into all this because they are suspicious as SHIT in my opinion and they are planning something FOR SURE. Brent himself said annie had been unreliable lately, amelia is just another bag of worms who’s very obviously been working on something if the tone of that one mission with her is somethign to go by, and brent still has that one disk with all that info about basically everyone that he very much could use against so many people and there is No Way that’s not leading to something Big.

Also i’ve been thinking about moonchild and that one theory i had in S6 in which she actually Does have the power to control other people with moonchild syndrome how and mayeb she’s been doing shit behind the scenes but this is kind of crack theory so im just keeping it in the back for now.

[vertigoambrosia]

so i basically bought a chromecast just because the vimeo rocku app refuses to keep wxw videos in sync

wxw kinda lied about their site having native chromecast but fine

literally downloaded chrome again just to stream this

ok i think i just have to accept i don’t get bobby as a face

so we’ve got bobby, vinny, two shitty bois, and wholesome hamburger boy

it is a pun because he is very beefy

this is a pretty labored setup for this match

andy how can you talk about people needing to mature when you’re on the side of jay fk

is the mic constantly blowing or is the chromecast sound quality garbage?

nice flexing veit

avalanche please fuck jurn up

guys you have to help me talk to all these nice german boys i am very shy

esp ilja cause i won’t have a chance in new york

also pete bouncer is intimidatingly hot i can’t deal witht that by myself

i wish this were no dq instead of just no countout but i guess with carat coming up having a match with weapons might be a little much

sometimes big guy vs big guy matches don’t really hold my attention that well

just gets a lil slow - let’s punch each other on the outside

slowly

take a walk around the ring

also brawls that go around suck in person cause unless they’re right where you are, you have no idea what’s going on

lmaooooo did they just close the door on us

really?

...they;’re not even gonna cut to a recorded parking lot brawl?

ok

haha kelly is like ‘i kinda don;t think i should apologize at all but i’ll try anyway’

also: wearing a minoru suzuki shirt!

oh DAMN ‘you beat melanie gray? who HASN’T done that?’

oh julian...the hair

walter already annoyed he has to fight a child

this show is so weird; the matches feel so random

except for jurn/avalanche, but then that didn’t have an ending!

i’m guessing they fight in first round of carat but like...why book it here?

they’ve been hyping up ilja/tim on twitter so that shoul dbe fun...but also i guess they probablhy won’y be in the same sides of the bracket in carat?

oh that lil pele kick on the ropes was cute

oh my god these submissions walker is gonna break this child

walter trying to rip the shitty blond off of julian

i’m not gonna lie, i’m just being sort of sour right now with ringkampf obviously being phased out and ilja going to wwe and getting pulled of the new york show. also i feel like we’re really beginning to see the effects of cancelling shotgun on the storytelling, and tbh the writing./booking in general has been kind of off. i’m tired of things i really love and invest myself in  changing for...not exactle the better.

also i have a headache

anyway car boy put in a good effort before getting killed

yeah david ilu but that was kind of a dick move

hahaha david lecturing someone else about taking things personally

FINALLY, my rise bois

AWW look how proud lucky is of himself

them fumbling with the mic is so funny

who dis

oh it’s that leon guy

i feel like they’re assuming we are way more familar with him than we actually are

like, he wrestled a few matches like, a year ago or something; i’m not gonna recognize him

it’s weird too because wxw used to always have lower thirds for everyone

hey chromecast can you stop freezing for a sec

timo theiss is fun to heckle but his ~jetsetter~ character doesn’t really come across

though to be fair he just kinda shows up every once in a while

i don’t really have anything to say about this match

um

ok?

this sure is a choice

hahaha rainer ringer throwing his hands up in exasperation as they go backstage again

i mean i guess if they were gonna do a distraction spot, that’s a new one

wow just got a real good look at norman harris’ balls there

odd finish but good for u norman

timo promo package?????

awwwww tim

tim breaking my heart

holy SHIT that was one hell of a video package

this is a title match?

i bet this would have been better developed if we still had shotgun

(i’d like to say i’m done being sour for the rest of this post but unfortunatley i can’t shak eit right now)

jeremy graves putting his all into giving this match a story tho

oh! that was quite a flippy from leon

one of those ones where you barely understand what happened there

is marius from bielfeld? a surprising amount of people are behind him

why don;t they book leon von gasteren more often

hey fyi casting from your computer drains your battery ridiculously fast

awwww man if leon had won the title off of barely a pin that would have been crazy

honestly it’d be interesting to see marius lose it here; would be a surprise

oh chromecast thanks for freezing during the pin that was nice

oops being sour again

that was a silly but great plot segment

this match is very questionable but them barging in during the intermission is kinda funny

it would have been funnier if they had barged into the merch area though

or the locker room

everyone else is just fucking around and all of a sudden

LMAOOOOOOOO JURN

i mean i don’t really get why they didn’t just do that the first time they went out but whatever

ok see i wish we had known he was buddies with julian too

whatever marius

tim :3

omg wait what if tim starts selling his own merch like everyone else

this match is real good but my head hurts and i’m cranky

oh snap timo catching the enzigiuri

boys just taking a moment to sit

oh snap that was a nice counter to the butterfly

my psychiatrist upped my medication so i hope i can feel less sour and enjoy stuff more by the time i leave for carat

breaking news david starr is a really good promo

the bubtitles are weirdly lagging a lil

walter pretending like ringkampf is still a thing

ngl i do not feel like watching this main event but there might be plot afterwards

i wish they’d stop cutting to the wxw now logo before the entrances; it’s really annoying

hahaha jay just bouncing off veit

jeremy we fucking watched the opening promo you don’t need to recap it for us

i want jay fk to dig up one of bobby’s old pictures from when he was robert schilds and had that horrible haircut

vinny i can see your underwear and read the brand

ugh this everybody suplex spot is so stupid

veit miller is...not the diving type

also i shouldn’t have to say how i feel about the everybody dive spot

european clutch!

i am very ready for andy to not be champion and whine about it

LOL SOMEONE BROUGHT A SCHURLE JERSEY

or whatever soccer shirts are called

jurn realy

lmaoo cornered in the kitchen

....

just assume i said something sour here

oh we fucking finally getting the first round matches

rey fenix vs rey horus seems like a bit of a waste? like i assume they’ve fought in mexico so

oh snap ilja vs sekimoto is cool tho

[kawsofhobi]

Lost Souls

|| Pairing: none ||

|| Genre: Angst // Gaming!au ||

|| Word count: 4,421 ||

|| Warnings: There’s gore, horror, sketchy situations, please take heed ||

[A/N]: So I did a thing at the beginning of this year. This took a lot of debate for me to post it as you can tell considering I began this in January. Take notice of the warnings. A lot of sketchy stuff goes on in the backstory of this, so please take heed.

Part 1 || Part 2

In many people’s eyes, Jungkook had always seemed to be detached whenever it came to reality. His eyes were constantly dark and soulless, expression blank despite the occasions where it twisted to a wince from his pondering. Many categorized him as mute, not one person having heard his voice in years, the move to a new city adding to his mysterious and unapproachable persona. No one knew the story behind the mask he hid himself behind. Not even his family could provide insight as to why their loved one had suddenly barricaded himself from the world around him.

The story behind it all began when the once lively boy reached the golden age of 18. The day was full of joy and excitement accompanied by a celebration with his friends. The evening took off with a party. Music, dancing, popping bottles of champagne; what more could he have asked for? As the night ended, he left his friend’s house, walking to his apartment that was a decent twenty minutes away.

1:00 a.m.

Footsteps behind Jungkook bring his head to glance over his shoulder, a girl around his age trotting in high heels down the sidewalk. She looked to be in somewhat of a hurry, his legs moving him to the right to clear her way. As she draws nearer, she begins to speak, “excuse me?”

Jungkook diverts his gaze to her, concluding she seemed sober much like himself. “Yes?” He answers, slowing his stride, her own replicating his.

“Do you know where Sunset apartments are located?” She questions, not meeting his gaze.

His nose scrunches at how off the situation seemed, though he once again answers her, “at the end of this block, take a right and it’ll be on your left a few buildings down.”

“Do you mind showing it to me?”

His brows furrowed before he shakes his head once, “I’m sorry, but I have somewhere I need to be. Just turn up ahead, you can’t miss it.” Resuming his stride, he crosses the street, wanting to get distance between him and the girl. Had the encounter been during the day, he wouldn’t have questioned it too much, but at 1:15 in the morning? He made sure to check his surroundings every so often, glancing over at the girl to make sure she turned down the street he said. She follows his directions, however, Jungkook notices her hesitate and stare in his direction, as if trying to watch what street he would take. Feeling paranoid, he skips over the block he should’ve turned down, taking the longer route to ensure he’d return safely, but also to confuse the girl if she were to follow.

1:27 a.m.

Fumbling with his keys, Jungkook quickly opens his apartment door, slamming it shut then locking it. He checks the lock three times to make sure it’s secure, going through his living space and inspecting every nook and cranny. His heart was pounding as he’d bolted down the street to escape the girl’s following eye. What did she want anyways? He told her what she asked, didn’t he? What more could she have wanted from him?

3:56 a.m.

A knock to an apartment door had Jungkook jump from his sleep. He’d finally stopped stressing over the situation and dozed off, though the sleep was light. He listened closely as the neighbor’s a few doors down answered the door, telling off whoever was standing there before slamming the door. The process repeated until it reached his door, Jungkook’s stomach doing a flip. “Please,” he whispered, sinking beneath the blankets as the knocking on his door sounds again, “please, just go away.” With his eyes squeezed shut, he waited for the knocking to stop. Once it did, he snuck over to the door, glancing through the peephole to be met with the girl turning to go across the hall to the door in front of his, continuing to knock on every door. Some of the residents answered while most kept their doors shut, either yelling from behind the door or ignoring her altogether. “Why did she follow me here?” Tears began to stream down his face, his breathing quickening its pace as he lays back down, struggling to sleep with his frantic thoughts about the random girl.

1:12 p.m.

“Mom,” Jungkook says in a shaky voice, having called her three times that day, she was beginning to worry over her youngest son.

“Jungkook, what is it?” She asks with desperation in her voice, “you’ve never called me so many times within a four-hour period. What’s wrong?”

He chokes on a sob as he whispers, “can I please come home for a while?”

“Sweetheart, you know you’re always welcome to come home, but please tell me what’s upsetting you,” she begs, though he’s unable to respond through his sobs. “I’ll have your brother come get you,” she told him before hanging up, his brother arriving at his apartment in what seemed like it took ages. Jungkook refused to answer as to why he was crying nonstop, it wasn’t until his mother returned home that he felt comfort and was able to rest after being drained to exhaustion.

3:01 p.m.

Time away from his residency gave Jungkook time to relax his mind. His paranoia had somewhat dissipated, however, he didn’t let his guard down. Upon returning home, he’d received a package, though he hadn’t ordered anything in weeks. Reluctantly picking it up, he pushed open his door, closing and checking the lock before placing the small box on the kitchen table. The box didn’t have a label saying where it’d come, the 18-year-old assuming it was hand delivered to the landlord and left at his doorstep. Carefully opening the box, he’s met with a note and a phone, his face contorting. “This has to be for someone else,” he mumbles to himself, looking over to the note. It was folded, perfectly creased, and sealed with a gold sticker. Above the sticker was written, “open me,” Jungkook’s curiosity leading his finger to slip beneath the fold to lift the sticker with care, avoiding leaving a mark in case the package truly wasn’t for him.

If you’re reading this, congratulations, you have been recruited to join the experience of the new game “Road 8,” brought to you by indie developer Kim Namjoon.

You may be wondering why you’ve been selected. Road 8 has been in development for many months. By letting real players test our product, we’re able to receive feedback and make changes as needed to provide an enjoyable playing experience. If you have any questions or feedback, which would be much obliged, simply text r8-help to 4886-road-8 and one of our developer assistants will communicate with you shortly.

Thank you for being part of our experience, proceed to unlock the given phone for further instructions.

- Developer Kim

“What?” Jungkook shakes his head, baffled by the situation, though his body still acted out the directions that were given. Picking up the small device, he presses the home button, the screen lighting up. The words “press home to unlock” glow at the bottom, his finger applying pressure to the button once more. “Please set up your new phone,” Jungkook whispers, sighing heavily as he goes through the process. He sets his time zone, the phone soon being set up properly, a welcome screen showing before the apps and home screens display as any other phone would.

3:24 p.m.

A chime goes off as the boy’s phone receives a notification from an app. He taps the banner, being rerouted. The screen shows the developer’s name before fading into large font that resembles a typewriter. Jungkook scoffs, “nice font choice.”

Road 8. Tap to continue.

He taps the screen, selecting new player, entering his name, and the new phone number he’d received. He waits for the game to load, tapping his fingers against the table.

A new update has been detected. Update game?

Tapping confirm, the game begins its update, another window popping up soon after.

Please confirm you have read the terms and conditions along with our—

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Jungkook checks the box, pressing the agreement, “no one reads those.”

Are you sure you have thoroughly read and agree to the terms and policy?

The young boy rolls his eyes, tapping confirm once more, “yes, oh my god.”

Loading…

Loading…

Load complete!

Welcome to Road 8!

“What’s this even about?” As if on cue, the screen fades to begin the storyline, Jungkook leaning back in his chair as he watches.

“When I was 16, there had been talks of utopias during my art class. You know, places like El Dorado, Arcadia, Atlantis? Everyone talked about leaving to these utopias to escape school, their parents, bullies, the world. The stories of these mystical places were like fairy tales; things you see in sci-fi and action films. The one that interested me the most was the newest of the list.

Road 8.

I’d heard quite a few things about “Road 8.” I was told it was the best utopia, while others voiced it was made up. A false utopia that was created by some seniors. I believed the former, however. After school, one day, I met with the upperclassmen to discuss the utopia. As if I hadn’t believed it enough before, after that day I was positive Road 8 existed.

“We can show it to you!” They’d told me, “meet us at the city line of Atlas and we’ll take you there on Friday after school.”

I went and never came back.”

“Huh,” Jungkook furrows his brows as he ponders over the story. It wasn’t that intriguing. Although his interest was depleting, he tapped the screen to continue.

Your selected character is Ren. Would you like a different character? Pick random or keep.

“I never chose one in the first place,” Jungkook taps randomize, a girl’s name popping up.

Play as Sarah?

Tap.

Loading…

Play as Sarah?

Tap. 

Loading…

Play as Sarah?

Rolling his eyes, Jungkook presses keep, “that’s one complaint.”

Loading profile…

Name: Sarah

Age: 18

Location: Atlas

Skills: High agility, perfect aim

Weakness: Loses stamina quickly

Level: 1

View how to play? Yes, or skip?

“Yes.”

The route of your adventure is dependent on the choices you make. You will receive questions from your player throughout their quest, each having a consequence. Choose wisely. Not all questions have a time limit, however, choosing within a respectable time is encouraged.

Have another question? Text r8-help to 4886-road-8.

Begin your quest for Road 8?

Tapping yes, the phone immediately receives a text, Jungkook tapping the banner.

4886-S: Hello? Someone please respond.

Yeah, I’m here.

4886-S: Who are you?

I’m wondering the same with you.

4886-S: Sarah.

Jungkook.

4886-S: An actual player?

...Yes...what else would I be?

Jungkook changes the name to her own, going back to their conversation.

Where are you anyways?

Sarah: Someplace dark. I can barely see anything, but I think I’m in a room.

Turn on the flashlight on your phone.

Sarah: Right...

Sarah: It’s an abandoned house. The windows are broken and there’s a bunch of things thrown on the floor.

Can you leave?

Sarah: I can try, but there’s so much stuff.

A notification banner from Road 8 appears, the words reading, “remember to be aware of your surroundings! Your choices matter!”

Are you alone?

Sarah: Seems like it. Even if there was someone else, there’s no place for them to hide or stand. Whoever lived here was a hoarder.

[Sarah sent a picture]

Sarah: Filthy, isn’t it?

You can send pictures?

[Sarah sent a video]

Hitting play, Jungkook observes the room that’s indeed cluttered with broken furniture, clothes, broken dishes and glasses. As she attempts to move, shards of glass crack beneath her shoes and he can’t help but wince. The video ends, another being sent. Sarah had gotten further through the room, zooming in on a wardrobe that rested in front of the door.

Sarah: Houston, we have a problem.

Jungkook chuckles at her humor.

I can see. Be careful when you walk on the glass. Try to avoid it.

Sarah: Hard to when it’s everywhere, but I’ll try, sir.

Sarah: You are a sir, right? How old are you?

Yes and 18.

Sarah: Oh, cool, same. The age part. I’m definitely a Miss.

He closes his eyes as he chuckles faintly, shaking his head. “Cute,” he says under his breath.

[Sarah sent a video]

Her boot kicks the wardrobe, a groan leaving her. Jungkook snorts as she kicks it over and over, attempting to push it with her foot. Letting out a deep sigh, her voice is soft, hints of defeat behind it, “you win this time, wardrobe.” She moves towards the window, humming, “you think if I clear some of the glass I could get out through here?”

I’m sure of it. Careful not to cut yourself on the glass. Check the sill for rust, first, though.

Sarah: It’s rusty.

Be super careful.

Sarah: I’ve got it, I’ve got it. I’ll be a moment.

“Sarah has left the house,” Jungkook reads as the notification shows, a few others appearing. He pulls down the notification screen, glancing over them all.

[Sarah has left the house]

[Sarah’s shirt has been torn. Protection has gone down]

[Sarah’s been hurt. Health drained 2%]

What part of “be careful” aren’t you understanding?

Sarah: It’s just a little cut on my hand, calm down, sir. That stupid branch caught my shirt and tore it!

Sarah: Where to now?

Sarah: It’s cold.

Sarah: I’m hungry.

What’s around you?

Sarah: Trees, briars and vines, bushes...it’s eerie.

[Sarah sent a video]

“I don’t like it here, sir,” Sarah’s voice is shaky, her camera work being just as unstable. She starts walking straight, panning the camera around the woods. “I found a flashlight,” she shakes the light, “batteries, too.” She shines the light to the left, forward, then the right, “please, tell me which way. It’s getting very cold.”

Can you hear anything?

Sarah: Besides the wind shaking the leaves, no.

Go straight.

Sarah: Okay.

Watch your footing and check around you.

Sarah falls silent for a minute.

Five.

Ten.

Twenty.

Where was she?

He hadn’t received a text or a notification, worry filling him. Had he reached a game over that quickly?

8:46 p.m.

[Call from Sarah]

Jungkook answers immediately, asking frantically, “are you okay?” All that comes from the other line are pants and soft wheezes. “Sarah—”

[Sarah has low stamina. Rest to recover]

[Sarah’s health has dropped 30%]

“I got lost,” she finally breathes out, “something started chasing me and turned me away from where I was.” She coughs, “I kept running, but I didn’t know how to get back to where I was. It seemed like when I got close to being in the right direction, it would chase me.”

“What was it?”

“Not human,” she swallows hard, “it had me turning constantly and I scraped my arm against a tree. It had briars on its side and it hurts so bad.” She whines quietly, taking a few deep breaths, “it can't climb. I'm thankful for that.”

Jungkook winced as she hisses, “send me a picture of your arm. Stay on the phone with me.” The line goes silent before his phone chimes.

[Sarah sent a picture]

Jungkook holds his breath as he sees her bloody arm. A few scratches were deep, others merely at the surface. Tree bark and dirt were caked with blood and her skin that had been peeled back. “What about that cut on your hand?” Jungkook asks, Sarah responding with another photo. It's less gruesome than her arm, though it too was caked with dirt. “You fell?”

“I tripped,” she sounds embarrassed, Jungkook quick to reassure her it was okay.

“Is it still around you?”

“I don't think so, but I could be wrong.”

“What time is it there?”

“3:58 a.m.”

“Camp out in the tree until daylight.”

“I'm an owl now?” She chuckles, “I'll do my best.”

9:45 p.m.

[Sarah’s energy has gone down 34%]

[Sarah’s warmth has gone down 50%]

Jungkook goes back to the app, searching through the different icons at the bottom that led to different tabs. He presses the first one, the icon resembling a profile, fitting the stats that popped up for Sarah. His eyes flicker to a button labeled “see character,” his fingertip touching it lightly. There were three photos total, Jungkook smiling softly at the first. Her navy-blue hair was a bob, freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks. Her smile was big and lively, dimples indenting her cheeks. Swapping over to the second, it’s one of her with an archery bow. “They did say her aim was good,” he whispers, going to the last one. Its date was of today’s, the boy assuming that was her attire now. A long sleeve black top, black skinny jeans, and combat boots. On her left forearm rested an arm guard, her right wrist having a fitted band around it.

[Sarah has fallen asleep. Energy has gone up 1%]

Jungkook ignored the notifications, allowing her to rest after having been attacked prior. His eyebrows crinkle as he recalls he hadn’t received any kind of warning from her nor the game itself. It told him when she’d fallen asleep and torn her shirt, but why had it taken hours before he’d been informed she’d suffered damages and her stamina was lost? He closes the app to go to his messages, texting the game developers for help.

4886-road-8: Hello! Thank you for contacting us! Would you like to leave feedback?

No.

4886-road-8: Do you have a question?

Yes.

4886-road-8: Please wait while we connect you to one of our assistants. This could take a few moments.

4886-road-8: Redirecting…

4886-road-8: Thank you for waiting. My name’s Eli. How may I be of assistance?

The game isn’t sending me notifications when in danger or combat. It took hours before I was updated on my player’s health.

4886-road-8: Eli is typing…

4886-road-8: Oh no! We apologize for the trouble. Many of our players have been experiencing this and it is typically resolved through an update which fixes any bugs the game may have developed. Please check for an update in settings. If issues persist, please contact us once more.

4886-road-8: Assistant has disconnected.

Jungkook sighs, opening the app and following his instructions. He checks for an update, the window popping up that there was one available, however, updating the game would disconnect him from Sarah for the duration. Switching back to messenger, he sends her a quick text letting her know that if there’s no response, the app is updating, before letting the bug fixes be resolved.

[Sarah’s energy has gone up 20%]

[Disconnecting with Sarah…]

[Disconnected]

[Sarah is now open to danger until Jungkook returns to the game]

“Please be safe,” Jungkook whispers, “just stay where you are.”

[Update…23/100% complete]

[Update…56/100% complete]

[Sarah’s energy has gone up 34%]

[Update…88/100% complete]

[Update…99/100% complete]

[Update complete!]

[Reconnecting with Sarah…]

[Reconnected!]

[You have several new notifications. View?]

Jungkook drags down the notification tap, the ones from the app resembling what he’d already been told. The messages were different, though. There were videos and audio messages, each a minute apart. Beginning in order, he starts with the audio messages. “Jungkook,” Sarah whispers, the crunching of leaves beneath her boots sounding every so often hinting she was trying to make minimal noise, “there’s something following me. Every three steps I can hear it move quickly behind me. I don’t know what to do.”

Tap.

Hurried breaths sound through the speaker, growls and snarls in the background. Sarah lets out a squeak, the tearing of clothing reverberating. She cries in pain and terror, “why aren’t you answering me! Jungkook, help me, I don’t know where to go!”

Jungkook’s breathing becomes strained as though a hundred-pound weight was pressing against his lungs. He braced himself for the videos that came next, feeling guilty even though it was the game’s fault and not his own. He wouldn’t have left her alone to defend for herself, especially not if she was at a blank due to horror.

Tap.

“Oh my god,” Jungkook drops his phone from the sight of it. The thing that had been chasing Sarah was exactly what she said: not human. It was dark and ominous, it’s build being oversized and muscular. It lacked eyes, a thick, black substance dripping from its missing optics down it’s “face,” if it could even be called one. Its right cheek had a gashed hole, it’s teeth razor sharp, resembling that of a shark’s. Whatever it was, was something the young boy could only identify as a demon, but even that term couldn’t explain how terrifying of a sight it was. He could only imagine how it felt to have it chasing after you and not be able to deem it as any other “nightmare.”

Taking his phone back into his hand, he plays the video, Sarah kicking and screaming as she struggles to get its grip off her boot. Her strained wails and shrieks have Jungkook pause the video, his head placed in the palms of his hands, “I should’ve made her stay.” He sighs, tapping the next video, the camera on her arm before it shows her boot. It was still intact, luckily, his heart rate slowly slightly. She sobs softly, her hands shaking. He notices the height of her from the ground, seeing she climbed some ways up. His thumbs type hurriedly upon remembering she was asleep.

Wake up.

Sarah, wake up!

He checks her stats, seeing she’s still resting. Her energy had gone up dramatically, stamina having been replenished. Settling on calling her, he waits anxiously for the ringing to stop and her voice to start. She doesn’t answer the first time, the boy calling her again and again and again.

[Curious about your player?]

A banner pops up, three of the same appearing before the game finally says.

[Oh no! Sarah’s injuries have been infected. Health is critically low. 20% remaining]

Jungkook’s sent into panic, his mind going to a blank as he tries to find something to help Sarah.

4886-road-8: Thank you for contacting us! Would you like to leave feedback?

I need help!

4886-road-8: Redirecting…

4886-road-8: Hello! My name’s Erin! How may I be of assistance?

How do I restore my player’s health?

4886-road-8: Erin is typing…

4886-road-8: First aid boxes are located throughout your journey to Road 8. Though they are hidden in caches, they’re relatively easy to be located. Guide your player through and find them.

I can’t contact my player because she’s resting.

4886-road-8: Erin is typing…

[Sarah’s in critical condition! 15% remaining]

It says she’s in critical condition. Please, hurry.

4886-road-8: Erin is typing…

[Sarah’s in critical condition! 12% remaining]

4886-road-8: Erin is typing…

4886-road-8: When in critical condition, player’s will rest to recover health. If the player’s health continues to drop even with rest, a mass of blood loss or infection could be the affecting issue. The player’s partner, or controller, has many options when such situations occur. You can a) force wake up your player and get to a cache, however, you risk losing health more rapidly; b) force wake up your player and dress the wound; c) buy a first aid to be sent to your player; or d) reach a game over and retry with another player.

Can I replay as the same player?

4886-road-8: Erin is typing…

[Sarah’s in critical condition! 6% remaining]

4886-road-8: I’m sorry, once players reach a game over, they are permanently deleted from Road 8.

Why are they deleted? Shouldn’t they be available again?

4886-road-8: Erin is typing…

4886-road-8: A player dies when they’ve run out of health, thus, they’re not able to be played again afterwards.

How much is the first aid?

4886-road-8: Erin is typing…

4886-road-8: $3. Prices go up as purchases continue.

I’ll take it. Just please don’t let her die.

[Sarah has been sent a first aid pack! 5% remaining]

Wake up Sarah, please.

4886-road-8: Erin is typing���

4886-road-8: Please enter your password to confirm your purchase.

Wake her up, now.

[Sarah has been forcefully awakened]

Jungkook enters his password, calling Sarah immediately after. “Jungkook?” Sarah answers. She sounded weak, her health barely hanging on.

“Disinfect your arm, apply the ointment, and wrap your arm. I need you to work swiftly,” he instructs, voice low as he tried to remain calm.

“What’s happening?” She whines, Jungkook paying close attention to her stats and heart rate.

“Sarah, listen to me and do as I say. Tell me when you’ve finished doing each task. Do not stop talking to me,” her heart rate slowly starts to spike, Jungkook doing his best to soothe her.

“I’m so dizzy.”

“You’re okay. Everything’s going to be okay,” reviewing what was in the box, it was everything she desperately needed including something to snack on and drink. “Rinse your arm with the water, not too much, though.”

Her breathing gets heavy, “stings.”

“Pat it dry, ointment, then wrap it.”

[Sarah’s health has gone up 4%]

“I have to put the phone down,” fatigue drips off her voice, her words slurred and smushed together.

“No. Keep it pressed against your ear. You can do it,” he encourages, and she hisses, the line becoming muffled every so often due to the mic brushing against her shoulder.

“It’s on.”

“Do the same to your hand, then eat something,” he listens carefully for the tear of a wrapper, watching her health slowly rise. “Take the medicine in the box, please,” he whispers, a hum drawing from her throat, “how long until sunrise?” She’s quiet for a good ten seconds before humming weakly. “Sarah, I need you to focus. How long until sunrise?” Jungkook struggles to keep her alert, the girl’s eyes drooping shut.

“Three more hours,” she mumbles.

“I want you to rest until then. As soon as the sun comes up, we’re leaving, okay? We need to get you somewhere safe.”

“Mhm.”

“Tell me what I just said.”

“Sleep and then go home.”

“Close enough,” he sighs, “go to sleep. Make sure you’re secure.”

“Sleepy,” she whispers.

“I know.”

[Sarah has fallen asleep]

[Sarah’s no longer in critical condition! Health has risen 24%]

10:23 p.m.

[Jungkook has signed out. Sarah is now open to danger until Jungkook returns to the game]

[nearmesblog]

The app development marketplace is continuously evolving. The expectancies of app developers hold getting ratcheted better and better. New flutter development technology is rising and running structures are being improved.

If you don’t need your app development to seem tired, out of date, or dead, you ought to take care to replace it often. And, through the manner, every day updates are a first-rate manner to hold customers fascinated and engaged.

Here is the maximum, not unusual place motives why you ought to replace your utility:

📷

1. People love novelty

People love the new capabilities of their app development so you ought to often provide your customers exciting and beneficial app development updates. Plus, by updating your app development, you have a first-rate excuse to ship pop-up notifications to reveal to your customers that you care approximately their requirements.

2. Remove everything that has lost relevance

Mobile app developers get old over time. This is inevitable because of the steady evolution of web development tech. It’s essential to pick out any vintage and useless factors and do away with or update them with new, updated capabilities or facts that meet the customers’ desires.

3. Date of last update

Users can constantly see whilst the utility became ultimate up to date on Google Play or App development Store. If your app development doesn’t have common updates it’s going to lose credibility.

4. Improvement of the user experience

Improvements, primarily based totally upon person feedback, suggest that the app developers is constantly supplying extra flutter development to the person. The app developers will become greater relevant, greater attractive, and greater useful. The greater carefully aligned the app development is to target market requirements, the greater it is going to be used and the greater sales it’s going to generate.

📷

Reasons for update your mobile app

📷

1. App Feature Release Updates

The mobile app developers updates frequency of free programs is pretty high, and we have already explained why they are trying to please their users with new features. And such an approach means regular app development feature release updates.

2. App Bug Fixing Updates

This is a rather sad reason for a new Android and iOS app developers update. QA engineers completely test the app development before the release. But some bugs are very tricky, they appear in later stages.

3. Operating System app updates

All OS are being regularly improved. Android and app development updates have the important goal of providing users with maximum possibilities. The conditions of the updated operating system, the mobile app developers can work worse: the speed of information is lost, some features refuse to work properly. In this case, you just need to release system app development updates that will keep the app development running smoothly.

📷

4. App UI/UX enhancing

The functionality of the app development it works fast, stability – all this is very important. But the first thing a user faces when launching your product is what it seems.

1. Meeting Guidelines

App developers shops often launch new layout guidelines. In this case, you’re approximately to extrude UI web designers /UX web designers because the antique you can actually appearance awkward in opposition to up-to-date requirements.

2. Outdated Design

Your layout must now no longer incorporate all of the new updates in UX web developers /UI web developers; however, you must regulate your web development to modern trends.

3. Overcomplicated Interface

Your flutter development layout must be accessible, easy, and comprehensible for customers, otherwise, they absolutely will now no longer be capable of discern out the way to use it.

4.Rebranding

You must replace your app developers aligned with modern branding now no longer to misinform customers.

5. Updated OS

You must often launch gadget app development updates below the situations of app developers and Android app developers working structures updates. When ignoring up-to-date OS requirements, your flutter development overall performance can also additionally sluggish down.

[c-mon-babayyy]

Space Streamer

2024, streaming is still really popular, but being in space is a new trade. Once humanity has built many space stations in earth orbit, in 2022 they discovered gravity wells, and the start of a new type of space race begun. With people not needing to worry about 0g's, new space stations had been planned, and in 2024 the first internationally launched one had been announced as stable for projects.

But that didn't concern Erin, entertaining himself and his half a mill followers was more fun. At least, the space race use to not concern him...

...

Synter was Erin's preferred name, it was what his streaming friends and online friends called him, and it was his twitch and youtube name for all the videos he made. He was a variety streamer that based his content on his personality based on what he does, but variety streaming didn't prepare him for this.

He awoke to something pushing and moving him, his body always woke up before his head did, and this proved true as his eyes opened to being forcibly walked by something far taller than him. Erin was just barely 21, but he had the same height as 12 year old him, a good 5 feet and 2 inches. He was taller than the smallest of girls, but he was still made fun of in school. But taking a good look around this obviously wasn't school, it was a purposely dark hallway with the occasional other person. And by person, I mean a stranger being walked by an alien, and alien they were. They were tall, way taller than any human by at least 4 feet at least.

Describing them was hard, for the other captives they could express in horror as the barely clothed aliens were tri legged with rough leathery looking skin of a yellow color with green spots, their endoskeletons poking out of their skin to protect their soft and large organs. Their heads held mandibles and large round eyes, with other sensory organs on the base of their neck and the collarbone with skinny arms with only three fingered hands, two fingers and a thumb. But to Synter the aliens looked like really large stick bugs. Stick bugs that covered the very top of their chest in a special made crop top that refused to cover their sensory organs. With shorts that held hooks for ropes of fanny pack type pouches galore, and arms with gloves that obviously had some sort of electric function as they glowed a low blue. And an obviously awkward looking bubble of some sort of glass over their head and sensory organs.

Taking a more paniced and thorough look around, now awake to be afraid of the strange aliens, he noticed the occasional glass tube with other persons in it, only human persons. Over speakers that Synter took only a few seconds to spot there was a strange clicking noise mixed with snarling sounds. Strange thing was that it was patterned enough that Synter could guess that it was an language, no aliens could take a race like humanity without being organized enough to have language and writing.

Synter was still in his three layers of hoodie, filled with the weird tools that have been hidden in his many hidden pockets since he lived with his builder father. He was more of a computer guy, and added both hardware and software tools into his many pockets. He moved to alaska just so he could get a new experience, having lived in arizona and Connecticut before. What he got instead was a sudden crash course on how to survive a frozen desert, and a wave of japanese fans for some strange reason.

He remembered that he was out of his house and in town, on his once a blue moon run of supplies. He had run back to his large truck from the store to pick up his glasses and sunglasses that he somehow left, when suddenly things around him went dark. It took a full minute to realize that it was summer, not winter when the sun sometimes didn't show for months, and a look up showed the underbelly of something he couldn't recognize. He vaguely attempted to run to his truck, just as it and him had started floating, then he went out.

He hoped his truck was alright, and a stir of fear settled in his stomach as he wondered what or rather why these aliens wanted them, wanted us. He didn't need to struggle to see from example that their hands were cuffed in a dull metal type. The people getting walked that were making noise was getting masks or gags put on them, but not for the ones staying quiet. The people in the containers also seemed awake, watching in anticipation. And then, over the speakers of the strange alien voice a human one came on.

It was just yelling at first, but he and the others getting walked could tell that it was obviously human. In a strange act, the tall aliens abandoned their humans, throwing them on the ground on the side of the hallways, before sprinting quickly to the end of the hallway. Just as the doors started to close, Synter started to get up, and with his physical rising despite his hands behind his back, the human voice started speaking constantly.

"Attention Human Citizens!

This is space traveling captain Richard Fuck-My-Life reporting on the group mission "Man-Fucked-Up", As in 'Man thus is Fucked Up' or 'Man These Guys are Fucked.

Now, you may be experiencing this displeasure of a moment called being captured. Well, seeing as some of you were forced through orientation when you were asleep, i could tell, some of you snore-, these bitch asses are a researcher alien race! They were told we were valuable some type of way and started abducting us in front of public eyes! Luckily, in the two days of abducting they did, many governments around the world started retaliating! Some nukes were even set off, although with the help of space whatnots those nukes were propelled into deep space where some other ships were warping in.

Humanity is now lovingly fighting a space fight, and a whole continent has been american-ized in the process. Also in this process is the revolution of nuclear and solar energy instead of gasoline, and a mineral and metal revolution as we take the space ships we've crashed and use them for our own cities and ships.

But that doesn't concern you too much now, does it? You guys are in space for gods sake, what about getting back home?! Well do I have some news for you! These bitch ass aliens have weak ass materials! We're deathworlders baby! We're stronger than personal structures! Unfortunately not as strong as the ship itself, because you know, protection from space, but we're close!

Now if you don't mind just try breaking free of those hand cuffs!"

The still standing Synter attempted pulling his arms, and with a snap the cuffs broke and his hands were free. Looking around the others on the ground were also breaking free easily. It made the feeling of slight fear dissipate into nervousness, he felt better about the situation.

"These hands cuffs don't really do anything anyway, the aliens made them like cop cuffs because they thought something along the lines of 'the shape will make these creatures weak!' Or something." The human, Richard continued.

"Next, kindly kindly, if you could show some human kindness for your fellow human race and break the glass containers? Its not an ultra strong glass, but you still need something sharp or heavy to break it."

Being as he was standing close to one of the containers, Synter pulled out a small ice pick and gently tapped, the glass quickly cracking & falling into medium sized pieces. Sharp pieces. Around him some people were breaking out on their own, and some of the previously handcuffed persons were using the cuffs to break the glass.

"Careful careful," the voice almost immediately sang," we may be stronger than these damned fools but we can still puncture our feet with glass. Although by the looks of it these aliens only confiscated the outer layer of clothing for extreme weather environments. Geez, these guys totally abducted you in places cold enough to consider death for them, and they didn't even think twice about it? What kind of scientific species are they?"

Synter softly chuckled at that, the man sure knew how to lighten a situation.

"Okay okay, you guys are ahead of schedule compared to my other friends, all 4 compartments of you. 5 ships, 4 compartments each, two rows of walkway per compartment, and 40 people per row. Simple maths by calculators, some of you still have your phones, says thats Sixteen Hundred people they've managed to abduct! And seeing as they have only enough for a flat thousand, killed roughly a mill in quote "terran" end quote Ground to escape with you, and the whole other 7.67 billion people want you back, maybe minus the 1.3 billion people living in developing countries that may or may not focus more on becoming developed other than getting into space, thats a whole lot of responsibility and only 7 of us that's been in space long enough to push you back home. " Richard seemed to ramble.

During Richard's talking, Synter did wonder if he in fact had his phone on him. Sure enough, one look in his most inside pocket and there was his phone. All three of them. One was for personal calls, and it sometimes acted like a mini laptop than a phone meant for game apps. It wasn't his largest, but he could contact anybody via anything on it, and he usually gave businesses this number. The second was his streaming phone, the screen was large but it would be the flattest thing he has, first to even his ass, if it wasn't for the phone case. It had a decent enough processer, enough to that it was practically a second moniter. It made checking his chat during outdoor streams or cooking streams easy. He also downloaded a bunch of music and how to videos to laugh at. His third phone was almost like his streaming phone, but smaller and it had the capacity to run like another laptop. If it was a person then it would be a car that ran on coffee for gasoline, a powerful powerhouse of data processing that meant he could even stream from his phone. But seeing as this was the last phone he had used and it showed he had no signal, he doubted he could do anything but record.

The man on the speakers continued to blabber on about how much of a pain the aliens were for kidnapping so many humans in broad daylight. Synter put away his phones and ran to the ends of the hallway, where other people free of their constraints were starting to gather. Jogging down one end he saw the open containers, probably where he and the other cuffed people were being walked to before Richard interrupted them. Synter did his best going through the not so dense crowd, about half of the hallway so about 20 people.

He stared at the door, trying to find where it ended and where a box looking panel would be placed. Would aliens even have control panels in space ships?

"Ah! It seems a few of you are eager to move on to the next step. Well then, let me get on with the informing. These aliens, or Xeno's as the less offensive term, are pussies and are running away. They will soon be using most of the escape pods, however there are more escape pods then there is scientists. Unluckily there are a few military types onboard in case there is a riot, and they will attempt to quote "sink with the ship". These military types are, however, stupid weak, one of our punches will make gore out of them.

Ah! Someone yelled it! It's the humans are space orcs theory! Or really for us its a collection of stories under the idea, but seeing as that idea is now true it is a theory and these home made stories are now probable stories written under the theory's speculation. Big words, small brain. Basically we think faster for a longer and more death like sleep cycle, and when in practice we are faster and stronger than any Xeno's, although because of our preferred gravity we are more compact and dense than they are.

Theres all the things complaining about earth bugs and earth diseases and earth foods that can kill most other aliens too. Did you know there are only 3 other races coming from death planets, and after being introduced they've all decided to become hermits? It turns out 50% of these non death world races didn't evolce with light sensors, or have limited light sensors, aka eyes. That's why its dark, but the next bit will be easy. At somewhere around 6 feet there is a panel, if you smash it in or find something to pry it open by the cracks, you can hotwire it. While you're figuring out where it is, I'll announce to each hallway individually which hallway and compartment you are. Basically every one of you are in front of some storage container space, whatever they're called."

As soon as the voice stopped the group around him started mumbling to each other. Suddenly the question came out straight,"does anybody know how to hack some wires?"

Synter raised his hand, calling out that he had basically found the panel already and that he knew how to work with electric hardware. But by all of their looks they knew he was too short to reach the panel properly. A strong looking guy stood behind him, bending down to offer a piggy back ride straight for the panel. Synter accepted, someone from his group yelling and gesturing to the other side of the hallway for where Synter had pried open the panel. The first thing he pried open turned out to be the security panel covering. There were buttons galore in a language not written, but raised into the plastic like panel. It would be almost useless to try and hack the electric lock, so instead Synter switched out his tool for a screwdriver.

"2A, you guys are compartment two letter A as in first walkway going from left to right on the ship from a birds eye view. By the way, 2A lower hallway with the guy piggybacking another to reach the panel, you're ahead but on the right track. Trying to crack the alien passcodes on these bare panels would be useless, so after breaking into the panel definitely 6 ft above the ground and unscrewing the alien panels for the wires underneath would be a good next step unless I can override their system using the handy dandy AI I got."

"Its Alien Braille." Synter shouted as the man commented on the passcode panel.

But richard didn't respond to him, and Synter went quiet again with concentration. Just as the man went silent again the final screw went loose, and after tossing the screwdriver of many applications to someone else so they can run it to the other end of the hall, Synter started inspecting the wires. The strong man holding him on his back shifted weight as Synter pulled out a phone, using the flashlight feature to look at the wires. It was a complicated looking mess of different shades of grey, but coming from the walls were colored(surprisingly) braised symbols that each cluster of wires originated from. Maybe a mostly blind species' way of organizing wires without color vision.

The person that ran the screwdriver to the other end of the hallway ran back, the other side just getting the wires exposed as the voice crackled on.

"Awww! The whole lot of you figured out how to get to the wires! Recognizing that most of you punched your way through, that's okay cuz it's taller than most of our heads. Anyways, people with phone lights can now see that there are many colored wires. They did not do the coloring on purpose, but we will use it to our advantage. The wires with the green symbol need to be paired with the wires connecting to the panel. If you do that the doors will open."

As Richard was speaking Synter did so, and immediately the doors open with a slow force. The man Synter was piggybacking on let him down, quickly following the rest of the group that squeezed between the slowly opening doors. Synter hesitated a bit, looking over across the hallway to see that the other end had also opened their door. Synter let the soft light bask his face by the door as Mr. Richard directed everybody to the ends of the ship, the top of the hallway spilling left while his side spilled right, meeting with the other compartments.

But something caught his eye to the left. It wasn't the other compartments spilling into the other side of the ship, instead it looked like a low shiny, the low shiny of his truck. He ran to it, and in the surprisingly opened warehouse, yes the word Richard was looking for was space warehouse, was Synter's truck! It was beautiful even in low lighting, and Synter ran to it's hood to hug it. Other than some dust and alien handprints that basically told him that they didn't know how to get in or reach the engine, it hadn't been touched.

With his truck there were boxes upon boxes of things, his truck standing on some boxes too, and standing on boxes were some other vehicles. Counting 4 other vehicles in total, there was an all electric tesla, a helecopter, a small tractor, and one of the highly classified new human space cruisers, like a van but smoother and meant for launch and landing in space. It probably also had the new gravity function too, and Synter became excited just spotting it. With a crackle in the air, a speaker Synter didn't know was in the room started up.

"Hey there, are you sure you wanna stay here? You can escape with other humans if you want." Richard spoke through a softer announcing speaker.

It sounded like it was under a box or something, but Synter wasn't going to escape space prison without his truck. He shook his head.

"Nuh-uh! Im abducted with my truck I'll leave with my truck. It has food for 3 years if I don't eat like a pig, and besides im a computer mechanical & engineering wizard, if something goes wrong i can look up a how to video I downloaded and fix it. I was interested enough about space before this." Synter exclaimed, attempting to hug his truck tighter but failing and sliding down it.

He fell on his ass and the speaker sighed.

"Okay fine, each of these rooms are meant to house xenos of any race for at least 2 years, and 6 months of hurtling in space is all you need to be caught by earth. I did manage to hack the ship, so I'll weld down your closed doors from the outside to make it space proof." The doors cracked open behind him slammed shut, the sound of large locks clinking together before the heater whir of presumably the fire torches or the Xeno equivalent stirring behind him.

"Meanwhile to survive I guess I can guide you to the warehouse computer and monitor so you can rewire it with the fabricator that should be next to it. It should be to your right, against the wall behind a smaller pile of boxes. Ooh! It looks like this warehouse was marked for refined metals and chemicals! With it you could make your own chemical water & oxygen making machine and ftl drive, if you need it. I'm going to guide the rest to their escape pods and their own warehouse cargo bay so I can catapult you into space towards earth. You ready?"

Synter was already running towards the wall of boxes.

[15001700tt]

Reflections of the Deep Sense of Self

well, i dont really have an audience except for a handful of mutuals and the many porn bots that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how hard i try but i am still gonna use this platform to voice out my thoughts since i have too many of them and i feel like i might drown if i don't talk about them.

i dont necessarily think that i am a person that is easily swayed by men, i was able to emotionally control myself quite effectively in my youth.

my first crush was simply a pick from the crowd to stop my friends nagging about who it was. i just observed the crowd and picked the most likely to not interact with my sort and said "him, he is so cute!" hoping that my friends wouldn't see through my facade. i didn't want to like anyone just because of their looks but I had quite literally not spoken to the male sort in my entire life (not including men I am related to, I was in all girl private school before I moved to America's public system) to develop an interest in them in a romantic or infatuated way even.

now this is just my introduction to my philosophical essay about whether hurt/ mentally ill people are inherently evil but I must admit that this was started because of other reasons. we might not even get to touch on that either, i tend to ramble and not get to the point effectively.

if you followed me long enough you would know that I was talking to a man I might've called Viking. but we do not talk anymore after I made my feelings clear to him.

i feel many things, most of the time, its anger, the other times, confusion, hurt, rejection..etc. but I do not blame him. mostly because, i am quite annoying as a human being.

one of the things i took to as a way to distract me from the pain, was reading. i read so much that it was impossible to feel anything except the emotions that I was told to through a page. but in between books I would have nights where i wouldnt be able to focus on the words, and I would ponder what was it i did wrong, what was it that made him deem me worthless, not worth responding to. and I would come up blank because my self-preservation wont allow me believe that because I made my intentions clear that I was in the wrong to do so when I feIt that our relationship was taking the wrong turn. if I am allowed to call it a relationship, because quite frankly it was a level below a situationship and a level above a friendship. that I was quite sure of.

as I sit here and write after almost two months of silence from his end and mine, because I refuse to be the one to break it. call it pride, call it stubbornness, I was not the one to ghost the other. i refuse to chase after someone who clearly does not want me. but still can't deny that I lay in bed every night at some godforsaken hours of the night wishing, and hoping that he would just take a step towards me. as I had done to him that one Wednesday afternoon in April.

my point is that my interest in men started out of necessity but it has evolved into a yearning of something that seems quite unattainable. i am not attractive by any means, but I am not of the ugliest sort. i have seen people with more weight with worse features than I with partners who could care less about appearances. which to say that my looks shouldn't be any good reason to ghost me. and while I don't necessarily think that my appearance was the reason for the silence I do struggle with the way l look so my insecurities have found a very good home in the found silence from him. i am working on losing weight out of a bet with friends but also out of bitterness but nevertheless, he is a man and if he wont block me than he must see what he is missing out on.

but again, I used to think I would never be that girl. the one who wanted something but she cant have it. which is quite the diabolical because the entirety of the 11 months we talked I had many panic/ anxiety attacks over how our appearances didn't match, our aesthetics weren't compatible, about how I was too ugly for him or too fat for him. but he seemed the sort that was straightforward and didnt waste other peoples times. i guess i was wrong in the sense that he kept me around because he was bored and disposed of me when it got too serious for his liking. i thought i always had the upperhand, that if things ended i wouldnt be too hurt about it and do what i do best, find the next boy to obsess over.

funny enough, he seemed interested. but i cant know for sure. i mightve made it up in my head.

i have a fear, which shouldnt be a fear but it is. remember how i said that my first crush was out of necessity? well that seems to be the case with me from 7th grade to the end of highschool. which is crazy because you would think with all the men i obsess over that i would find men attractive. i think there is a clear line between celebrities and fiction characters from a real person with undeliberate faults and thing you cant control.

i never thought any of my crushes were ugly, they were good looking but they didnt make me feel attracted to them. it didnt help that i was also the type to watch from a far and not the get close and comfortable.

considering this my first person that i liked and held an 11 months conversation/-ship with i think i did very good but that doesnt change that i read too many romantic book and i had a silver of hope.

a silver of hope that maybe i wasnt weird or shitty for not feeling attracted to anyone in my life. that i finally found someone who literally embodied my dream guy and couldnt have been more perfect. if only he was better at communicating.

he says that he is traumatized from long distance relationships, i now understand that it mightve been his fault. he doesnt communicate. in the 11 months we have known each other i know about a handful of things about him while he had me all figured out. except for one thing. he never got my fear of relationships. since i suspect he ghosted me because he thought i would want one. i guess ghosting me seemed like his best option.

i might not be undesireable but i am not anyone's first choice either. usingmedia to distract me from my emotions literally has become my life. i read about 15 hockey romances the weeks after the ghosting. i was already reading regency era adult romances but i couldnt bring myself to finish them because i had spoken to him about them. this decision i will regret because i talked about everything with him. i mentioned this before. quite literally everything reminds me of him. and its quite sad because i cant evn ssay what we had was special. i decided yesterday that he wasnt worth all of this, and i know he isnt. but i am tired. i just want to be dessired and wanted.

i literally stopped reading a book because the male interest did the same thing that he did to me, essentially to the female protag. i cant even pick up the raunchy adult romance.

i didnt let my self feel the extent of my emotions, only in small slivers of despair, or when i am too tired to pretend that his actions didnt affect me.

he was perfect in all ways but one and i was all faults except for one; my immenient need to communicate.

and no one knows, a friend of mine knows, but they dont know everything, i dont want her to get annoyed with me. i was in her place too many times and i refuse to put her through that. and our mutual friends?

hahahahaha the other night i was speaking with S, and he said that the last time he spoke to him, he mentioned me and Viking said 'oh i havent spoken to her in a while' thats it. no explaination no excuse. i dont even know why that infuriated me. i wasnt even worth an explaination in his eyes. S barely found out via vague summary from me. because even though i was/am hurt. i refuse to tarnish his reputation. 'in a while' ????? you mean two months? but then again S couldnt remember the last time he talked to him. but like still?

forget that we were flirting constantly i thought i was friend at least. i deserve more than this. i think. maybe not then.

i want to scream and shout and hit him and cry about why he didnt want me. but i realize thats self depricating. i should never seek validation from a man, i know but it wouldnt fucking hurt fam.

i have so much to say and yet i feel like its already too much. i should keep quiet. thats what people want from me. for someone who is 'boy crazy' i have not stomached going on a dating app, or boy watching in public because it physically hurts. for gods sake i cant even read fanfiction or just READ because of it. any sight of anything merely romantic makes me want to yell. i am tired and i want to turn everything off. including my stupid rat brain that only seems to be attracted to assholes.

but the same fucking stupid brain cant help but hope that is our enemies to lovers story. one day... god i hope one day...

[theaccidentalstepmom]

Breakups suck. I’ve had a few- less than most but more than many. After a breakup my feelings for the other person lie somewhere between heartbroken, totally ready to move on and hoping the other person’s fingers grow fishhooks and that they also develop a strong itch in their genitals. Somewhere in there...

There are those select humans that can somehow remain friends with their exes and genuinely support them. I admire those people and I hope to be one of those people when I grow up. That said it does take two to make that work. But in general I think those people are on a different plane and there probably don’t need to read this blog. Actually no one needs to read this blog... who reads blogs anymore? Let’s be honest this is just a glorified online journal for me to unpack the crazy making in my life. But I digress...

Breakups happen. Wish them fortune or ill but eventually you move on. Right? Sure... assuming you CAN actually make a clean break. Assuming you don’t live/work/go to school together. Assuming you’re not married (because divorcing someone is a undoing a legal contract and that doesn’t happen in a vacuum). Also assuming there’s not a child involved because then that person that you’d much happier never having to see again EVER is someone you are forced to continue interacting with for the next 18 (minus your youngest child’s age) years longer.

We have a triple threat and that’s where our story begins...

This isn’t our love story (or is it?). Well okay... a quick background. It’s 1995, Wilson high school, Portland Oregon: I’m a Senior he’s a Junior. We didn’t date but we both liked one another- but I had a boyfriend and having a crush on two boys was too much for me to handle!! I graduated, went to college, loved my life. No idea what happened to him. 12 years later years and I’d just moved to SF and who do I see on the bus? What?? Still cute, he just moved to SF from DC after a few years living in Iowa... with his wife. He’s married. Of course he is. Cool let’s be Facebook friends and I’ll see you never. Berceuse WTF would I say if I ever met your wife? “Nice to meet you I had a big crush on your husband in high school”. That’s just awkward.

But we did exchange numbers. He was a chef and I was a waitress so when he got a new job he might text me and tell me to stop by (I never did) or if we needed a new line cook I’d reach out to him (he never replied). At some point on Facebook I saw that they had a kid. Cute little thing with a buttload of hair.

Fast forward 2.5 years. It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m showing a couple friends who aregg bet single how Tinder works: “Oh no... he’s no good. See you just swipe left- hard left!”. He was like the 3rd guy that pulled up. We chatted back and forth through the app a couple times then I just texted him because I had his number and I’m paranoid about conversations through apps. (I just imagine people who work for Tinder reading them and laughing their asses off at my attempts to play it cool.) Anyways, a week later we went on our first date and it was pretty much game over for me.

He was 8 months out of a 10 year relationship and had a toddler why am I not running the other direction? That’s a great question and I have no good answer. Or at least not a sexy one... I’m attracted to vulnerable men? They’re like my catnip: “Come here kitty- Mama like”!

His son was 2.5 when we started dating. I knew I was dating a man with a child and I knew exactly what that meant. I babysat A LOT and I was a nanny for 5 years. It’s not the same thing as being a parent by any means. But compared to an average childless woman I did have a better understanding of what I was getting into and what spending hours with a toddler was like. I knew that if we were going to be in a relationship the kid comes first, I’m replaceable the child is not.

His ex was trying to move to Hawaii to live with her new boyfriend and wanted to take their son. That’s a hard no. Absolutely not. R had already filed for divorce but that got sidelined by custody. She hired a more aggressive attorney and insisted she would be taking their son. When describing his ex and her behavior R was throwing around with like crazy and narcissist and borderline.

Okay, okay... this situation is really stressful. I’m sure she’s not that bad- you married her right? Stress does not bring out the best in people’s personalities- quite the opposite. It’s hard to think straight. This is probably situational- I’m sure she’ll calm down soon. Maybe try phrasing your text this way so she doesn’t get defensive- I’m sure she’ll be reasonable if you just explain it really clearly...

Bahahaha.

I spent months empathizing with her and trying to help R better communicate with her. All in vain- it toa long time to realize she doesn’t want to communicate or compromise she just wants her way. And any attempt to have an open honest discussion is just ammunition for her to use against you in a future conversation.

If she asks R for a favor and his answer is no she’ll twist the conversation into her being victimized.

If she asks R for a favor and his answer is yes she’ll twist the situation and say that she actually did him a favor.

If R asks her for a favor she ignores him, calls him names and/or tells R he’s harassing her.

To be clear, most of the time she doesn’t ASK- she demands.

If R agrees to something once he has to agree in the future it or he’s a hypocrit.

She flat out remembers things wrong and when R shows her the screenshots of the text she wrote proving she’s m wrong she says he’s being petty.

When R asks her to discuss child related issues directly with him rather than asking their 4 year old son to communicate the message to him she tells R he’s being difficult.

When it’s her custodial time and R has a scheduled FT she bribed their son with candy or ice cream to end the call early. (He can have it after he’s done).

I feel like we’re in an alternate reality. She’s constantly coming after R legally with baseless claims. She projects all the shit she does to R and accuses him of doing it to her!! We read her motions and were like “What’s is she talking about? R didn’t do that to her she’s doing that to R!”. And no is not a misinterpretation and they’re both doing it- she’s doing it and accusing him of doing it. It’s crazy making.

Claim: R refuses to communicate with her and insists on going through attorneys.

False. She has ZERO emails or texts to back this up- they agreed to communicate via text and email. She hasn’t sent a single email or text to R to “discuss” anything so how is he refusing to communicate? R has written numerous long and detailed emails to her for years and even more over the past 10 months of Covid trying to communicate and co-parent with her, share information and get schedules finalized without the courts involvement and her responses are dismissive and often only one sentence. His attorney and her attorney even tried to resolve issues without the court but she refused to comply and court was the last resort.

Claim: wasn’t even a claim really, mores demand that both parents needing to be flexible about scheduled FaceTimes in their child is swimming or playing during that time and also be accommodating if the other parent wants to do an unscheduled call they can.

Reality: Totally... R has never denied her a FT, has been flexible when she’s asked to reschedule and he’s sent MULTIPLE emails to her saying she can do an unscheduled FT anytime she wants (just give him a heads up). She’s done maybe 4 unscheduled FaceTimes in 2 years. We don’t plan any activities during her scheduled call time because it’s her scheduled time... so her calls don’t ever “interrupt” anything. Please, I beg you, show any evidence to the contrary.

Oh and while she’s looking for evidence that doesn’t exist I’d like to show the email she just sent from December 2020 telling R that when their son was with her during Christmas he was ONLY allowed to FaceTime during his scheduled time of 6:40-8. No “bullshit” unscheduled FaceTimes calls like he did last summer when he called their son “every day” it was “harassment”.

(Calling every day would have been excessive, but not harassment. But he didn’t call every day. He had 2 scheduled FaceTimes per week by court order and in addition he called 1 extra day a week (so three calls a week). Also, important to point out is that their son, who primarily lives with his father, was going to not see his father for three months because of conflicting language in the ruling and delays in getting it clarified due to COVID and Jennie’s refusal to discuss shortening the time to what they’d agreed to.

He always texted her before his scheduled FaceTime to confirm the time would work and it wouldn’t conflict with activities they’d planned. But even though it was a scheduled call it always seemed to interrupt something fun that their son was doing: swimming, hiking, skateboarding. Funny how when she asked him to push back his call 2 hours he STILL was interrupting fun plans. It’s his SCHEDUKED time- plan your shit on a different day OR if you can’t contact R ahead of time to reschedule the FaceTime so it doesn’t conflict or interrupt your plans.

As for unscheduled FaceTimes he’d text in the morning asking to do a FaceTime in the afternoon (so giving her at least 3 or 4 hours notice so she can pick a time that works for her). She wouldn’t reply, instead he’d just immediately get a FaceTime call. To her credit she doesn’t refuse the calls and conveniently their son is often immediately available.

But it’s funny how if she knows R’s gonna call she seem to have plans, but when she doesn’t know he’s going to call she’s just sitting around the house doing jack shit.

She is bananas.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Liz you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Gladys Gudgeon!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

It’s always so difficult to choose between two fantastic apps, but your application explored Gladys with so much depth and detail that it truly won us over. The effect of war on a character that would normally be sweet and soft, and the actions it causes her to have to take was such a fascinating part of your application. Especially the reasoning that she takes for her participation in the brutalities of Aversio. It will be so interesting to see you be able to develop her further, and to explore the direction she takes as the war gets more violent. Welcome back to the rp!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Liz / she & her

Age: 25+

Timezone: CST

ACTIVITY

Activity:I’m typically around everyday for awhile. I would give myself a 6 or 7 out of ten.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

         The promo blog.

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Gladys Sloane Gudgeon

FACE CLAIM

Candice Patton

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Gladys is a little ball of sunshine. She’s happy but she’s fiery. She fights against being the baby sister and having everyone constantly looking out for her and babying her. Yet at the same time she doesn’t realize that she’s come to rely on those things until she’s in something over her head. Yet at the same time she has so much fight, passion, and strength inside of her that she can stand on her own two feet.  I like the juxtaposition of the strong versus the soft inside of her and trying to make her own way in the world and fight the fight she believes in while still trying to be girl that not only everyone expects but how she sees herself. The longer the war goes on and the darker it gets and the more she does things she never thought she would she feels as if she’s losing a part of herself.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Gladys & Chemistry Female & She/her Gladys is in love with love. The idea of Prince Charming has been something that has consumed her since she was a little girl. Despite the fact that the world around her is changing it doesn’t mean that Glady’s outlook on love is. Though that doesn’t mean that the love she’s been looking for is coming in the package she expected.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

inspo/mockblog-ish

The Gudgeon Family

Moodboard Apartment

PERSONALITY TRAITS

Genuine -  Gladys wears her heart on her sleeve, if she’s happy you know it, if she’s angry she’s exploding, and if she’s sad there are tears. There is never a doubt of where she stands or how she feels. She doesn’t realize quite how she has always been cushioned from the world in some degree because she is the baby. This cushion and protection allowed Gladys to go into the world wide eyed and open to everything. When Gladys arrived at Hogwarts she was the girl who had friends across all the houses. It was hard to not to like her and she was the kind of person who asked how you are and then stopped because she really wanted to know the answer.  

Humourous - With the age gap between she and both her brothers they spent most of their time off at Hogwarts while she was left at home, but when they were at home it was Davey she tended to gravitate towards for a good time. His jokes and propensity to not always think things through always delighted Gladys as a little girl and she derived much of her sense of humor from her brother. Though she was never as funny as Davey she tended to tell corny jokes and giggle at perhaps the wrong time. Often the things people thought she was doing to be funny were actually her accidently tripping or blurting out something she had never intended to say.

Defensive - When you have two much older brothers your parents have pretty much seen it all and they both think they know better than you. Particularly, Galvin. His criticisms tended to come off a little more judgey than perhaps he realized and before she even entered Hogwarts she got fussy and grumpy when she felt like you were getting ready to say something less than flattering about her. It on occasion got her into trouble with her peers because she assumed she knew what they were going to say before they said it. So she’d snap or get angry about what she thought they were saying without actually giving them a chance to say what they were really thinking or feeling.

Feisty - Gladys forged her path between her brothers. There was Galvin who was athletic and more serious and Davey and his good natured fun. Then there was Gladys somewhere between. She learned to give as good as she got from Davey and she learned to try her best to keep up with Galvin. On the other hand she had a tendency to be a little thin skinned when it came to other people. Taking things a little more to heart than she probably should have. Generally more when it came to her friends. She was always the first one to jump up to defend someone or jump into the middle of a fight.

EXTRAS

Locket: For her seventeenth birthday rather than presenting her with a traditional watch her parents presented her with a beautiful rose gold locket with a watch face on the front, but it also opened up to reveal a picture of her family. She was never without it since she received it.

Gladys and Her Brothers: Gladys is aware that she was a last minute addition to the family and that they were pretty set in their ways before she was even a thought. She spent a lot of years just trying to keep up and be a part of their lives which neither of them was a huge fan of. Luckily, with age came a shift. Gladys started Hogwarts and grew into her own person and both Davey and Galvin began to become adults with lives of their own, but time away from their family made it more important when they were together and the three of them have a strong and solid friendship. For Gladys there is no one she trusts or treasures more than her brothers. She has extremely different relationships with the two boys though. While her relationship with Davey was always light and fun and a little goofy before the war. Leaving the over-protective and criticism for Galvin to handle things shifted when Gladys walked into her first Aversio meeting. Davey dragged her right back out and demanded she go home before he told their parents what she was up to. Which she pointed out would implicate him as well. Still even now he wasn’t happy for her presence in Aversio and it had put a strain on their relationship. Whereas, Galvin had a soft spot for Gladys. Certainly, he was overprotective and he could never quite hold his tongue when he thought she could do better in an area he was a rock she knew that she could always rely on. He was the one person in her life she thought might forgive her for everything she had done in the war. At least she hoped so.

Wand: Willow, Unicorn Core, 10 ¼, surprisingly swishy

Amortentia: Summer night’s air, chocolate, campfire, pine

Perception: Others tend to see Gladys as the naive, consummate good girl. Certainly, she might get in trouble for talking in class or being perpetually late, but with Gladys they also seem to be things that professors are willing to overlook. She’s sweet and charming and people are willing to overlook her minor transgressions, because of this. Gladys is certainly more than meets the eye though and as much as it pisses her off when people underestimate what she’s capable of at the same time she is learning to use it to her advantage. No one expects the small pretty girl to be any kind of a threat and yet with the Minister she’d proven that it could be a fatal mistake to underestimate her.

Death of the Minister: Gladys had known, truly she had, when she joined Aversio that it could get violent or ugly. They weren’t things that she was looking forward to about being a part of the group, but thinking of the fear and anxiety that had controlled her life after she’d been attacked in the alley she knew it was something she needed to do. These people they were fighting against were not polite and kind in their attacks and so it would only make sense to fight fire with fire. She knew when she was chosen to be a part of the group that held the Minister at the cabin she was supposed to be a look out of sorts, but her tendency to look at things from too many sides seemed to have work in her favor that day. Or perhaps it was against her. She’d feared that if their demands were not met and they were faced with killing him that someone would be foolish enough to try an unforgivable on him. She wanted to remove wands from the occasion. She knew just how much could be traced back from a wand and she didn’t want any of them to be implicated. So they needed something smarter. She’d spent a week in a muggle library poring over different books to find the right solution and then managed to sneak into a muggle hospital and break into a closet to procure the poison needed. She never mentioned to anyone what she was up to. She was certain a more senior member of the group would have a better plan, but she wanted them to have a solid backup plan. That day when the time had come they’d gathered to toss around ideas and all of them but Gladys’s were vetoed. She was beginning to second guess if she could do this at all, but she added it to a glass of water. Left her spot by the window where she’d been quietly refusing to watch them torture him. She had a glass of water and soft words. Apologizing for everything and offering him a cool drink while no one else is looking. Nothing about her in that moment said she belonged with this group or that she was capable of anything cruel. He’d accepted her token of kindness without any hesitation, never realizing that it was the relief he was expecting from the water was actually the fatal blow that would end his life from the one person in the room he had thought was an ally.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

I feel like I need something world changing. I mean part of me kind of wants to come up with the perfect charm to truly transform something so it shows its full potential whether it be a cloth that’s begging to be made into a beautiful dress or a person whose been battered that they lose the confidence to see how wonderful they really are. But that’s silly all things considered, who would say something like that? Though it would be handy or perhaps determental if one’s full potential was true evil, I suppose. Though, something more practical and world changing. Something that showed people for who they really are. So, you can stop people from stalking dark alleys with masks like cowards or say no to a date with someone who will turn out to be abusive or a Death Eater. An aid to stopping us from making terrible choices before we do.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: Oh goodness, why on earth. I don’t have a lot of fears at this point, but still the forest at night would be on the short list. I think I’d rather pass, if that was an option. Though, if I have to I suppose I’d take someone like Kingsley with me or…duh….I’d take Galvin with me. Don’t tell him that I said anyone else first, he’s just travelling so much lately. Either way one of them and some sort of crossbow or weapon.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

All of them? I can’t help it I look at things from eight different directions and wonder if I’ve messed it up from the beginning. I think the worst of them are the big ones that will affect everything. No risk, no reward, but I’ve lost quite a bit thanks to risk so I have to think twice. You need a decision about what coffee to order of if the outfit works or which shoes you should wear? I’m your girl.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

I never want it said about me that I didn’t do what I thought was right, I know that people may not always agree about what is right and what’s not, but I don’t want anyone to think that I didn’t do everything for the things I believed in.

WRITING SAMPLE

Gladys had always loved the Gudgeon house. It was never the kind of house that was always company ready with not a thing out of place, but it was the kind of place you could walk into and feel the love. The walls were covered in pictures from various activities they had done together or captures of the moments their parents were the most proud of. Quiet wasn’t something that had ever been synonymous with her home either. These days though it was quieter than she found comfortable. The hazard of being the baby she supposed. Galvin and Davey were both off being grown ups and living their own lives, and despite the fact that she’d pulled out the pout they’d both gone home after Easter dinner. Her parents turned in early and now she was on her own. She’d tried studying for her NEWTs. The problem was that the end was in sight and rather than feeling anxious about her upcoming examines Gladys was only anxious to grow up and get onto the next thing. There was a new band playing at a small hole in the wall in Diagon Alley, everyone had been talking about it and even though Gladys hadn’t actually planned on attending she also hadn’t anticipated that she would be climbing the walls with boredom. Besides an excuse to go out and get dressed up might be just what she needed to get out all this restlessness so she could settle down and study properly.

It hadn’t taken longer than an half an hour from the time she’d decided to go out to when she apparated to Diagon Alley. To a little alley so she could have a few moments to compose herself from the effects of apparating before she ran into anyone she knew. The bar was crowded and hot, and there was a good chance that she had imbibed a drink or two more than she should have to counteract the heat. There were so many people she knew though and the band was as amazing as the hype had promised it would be and she was having the time of her life. All thoughts of missing her brothers or the anxiety she felt regarding NEWTs disappeared as she danced, laughed and flirted into the early hours of the next day. She slipped out before last call wanting to make it to The Leaky Cauldron before they closed so she could floo home in favor of apparating. It was bad enough to subject her stomach to the awful twisting sensation when it was empty let alone when she was past tipsy. If she’d have only kept her eyes forward and moved quicker she never would have poked her head down the alley. She wouldn’t have seen the fear in the woman’s eye as she was pinned against the wall. She could have just pressed on in her journey without ever hearing the awful words being spat at what Gladys could only assume was a muggleborn. She wouldn’t interfere. She’d just cast a little curse to petrify the man holding her. Give her a chance to escape and get away. She’d performed the curse a million times she knew it by heart and she could even do it without speaking. Her plan went off without a hitch the man was frozen like a statue and she could see the Leaky Cauldron just ahead. No one would know it was her that interfered, but the woman was safe.

Gladys’s plans had a habit of going awry, so she should have somehow been able to anticipate what was coming next. She was two steps past the alley when she heard a noise behind her, but she didn’t even have a moment to react to that before a she felt sharp blow. The next thing she knew she was waking up in the hospital room with her family surrounding her. They explained that someone had brought her in pretty banged up. She’d been hit over the head and a mixture of curses had been cast on her after she’d been hit. It was more the mix of the curses than the curses themselves that had caused the damage. While St. Mungo’s was advanced in healing many things the head wasn’t one of them, so she was stuck there until they were convinced that her head had fully recovered. She wasn’t certain that her mother’s nerves would ever fully recover from the events. Her brothers were both more protective from ever, and there was nothing like a stay in the hospital to realize how many friends a girl has, or at least nosy classmates, but she was choosing to call them friends. She wanted to leap back into action when she was finally released and allowed to go back to school. She hadn’t realized the whole thing had gotten to her until the first time she tried to wander out after curfew for a snack. She was suddenly scared of everything and the people closest to her wanted to protect her, but that only made her irritable. It had been years since she received so many owls from either of her brothers or her parents.  She knew that they loved her and they meant well, but it only made her feel more helpless and scared. She couldn’t live her life like this, because she had a feeling if she did what her mother wanted and moved home after graduation that she might spend the rest of her life hiding up in her bedroom waiting for the next family event. The world was changing as much as they all wanted to ignore it they all knew that it was happening. What she had witnessed and happened to her was only confirmation. She knew that she had two choices. She could move back home and let everything happen around her, or she could take charge. She could refuse to let those masked cowards win and she could fight. For herself, for her family, and for everyone she loved. The world was going to change with or without her and she was determined to make sure that she was a part of that change. To make sure that it was moving in the right direction. She’d heard whispers about the Order, but they seemed like a lot of talk and preventative measures she needed to do something. To get her hands dirty and prevent what happened to her from happening to anyone else.

[cryptocoingrowth]

Telegram Attacks Apple, Musk on Crypto, WEF Debrief: Hodler’s Digest, Jan 20–26

Hodler’s Digest Coming every Sunday, Hodler’s Digest will help you track every single important news story that happened this week. The best (and worst) quotes, adoption and regulation highlights, leading coins, predictions and much more — a week on Cointelegraph in one link.

Top Stories This Week

World Economic Forum debuts framework for central bank digital currencyIt was a c-c-c-cold week in Davos, but Cointelegraph’s reporters wrapped up warm to bring you all the news from the World Economic Forum. One particularly big announcement saw the WEF unveil a central bank digital currency policymaker toolkit. The framework, created in tandem with central banks, is designed to help policymakers understand whether deploying a CBDC would be advantageous. In other developments, a global consortium has been formed to focus on developing interoperable, transparent and inclusive policy approaches to regulating digital currencies. At the start of the week, the European Union and five major central banks — the United Kingdom, Japan, Canada, Sweden and Switzerland — announced they were planning to team up on their research for CBDCs.WEF: Facebook’s Libra pushed world to reconsider USD as global reserve currencyElsewhere in the snowy hills of Davos, global economists begrudgingly admitted that Libra had played an instrumental role in getting the world to evaluate CBDCs — and to challenge the U.S. dollar’s role as an anchor currency. On a panel exploring the issue, Brazil’s Economy Minister Paulo Guedes said new technologies like blockchain are paving the way for future currencies to be digital. Others, such as the International Monetary Fund’s chief economist, Gita Gopinath, cautioned that the dollar still remains attractive because it “provides the best stability and safety.” David Marcus, the head of Facebook’s Calibra wallet, was speaking at another WEF panel. He questioned whether “wholesale” CBDCs would solve any problems in the global economy, and argued that a retail-focused approach is the best way to tackle an “unacceptable” situation where 1.7 billion people are unbanked and another 1 billion underserved. Whether Libra will be that solution remains to be seen.WEF: Ripple CEO hints at IPO, says more crypto firms will go public in 2020And we’ve just got time for one final morsel of gossip from Davos. Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse has predicted that initial public offerings will become more prevalent in the cryptocurrency and blockchain space in 2020 — and he hinted his company would be among those seeking a public flotation. “We’re not going to be the first and we’re not going to be the last, but I expect us to be on the leading side,” he said. Such a move could be instrumental in building confidence with mainstream investors and secure a pivot away from controversial initial coin offerings, which have seen young startups suffer often expensive run-ins with regulators such as the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.

Tether launches gold-backed stablecoin and begins trading on BitfinexOf course, plenty of news has been happening away from Davos. Tether has announced it is now supporting a gold-backed stablecoin, where one token represents ownership of a troy ounce of physical gold. The funds are said to be backed by physical gold held in a “Switzerland vault” — and the product is available as an ERC-20 token on the Ethereum blockchain, as well as a TRC-20 token on Tron. Plans for commodity-backed Tethers have been in place for some time, but the company has often been criticized for its opaque approach to reserve management. A high-profile class-action lawsuit recently accused the company of market manipulation in 2017. Tether reserves were also allegedly used to cover a liquidity shortfall.Elon Musk reveals his true opinion on Bitcoin and cryptoTesla’s CEO may be constantly cryptic on his attitudes toward crypto, but this week, we got a little insight into Elon Musk’s thinking. On a podcast, the billionaire said he’s “neither here nor there on Bitcoin,” acknowledged Satoshi’s white paper was “pretty clever,” and warned his stance on cryptocurrencies often “gets the crypto people angry.” Musk added: “You must have a legal to illegal bridge. So, where I see crypto is effectively as a replacement for cash. I do not see crypto being the primary database .” Musk has been known to write short tweets about crypto that were widely interpreted as jokes. Last year, he unexpectedly declared himself as the new CEO of Dogecoin — a gesture that helped the joke coin clock short-lived gains of 35%.

Winners and Losers

At the end of the week, Bitcoin is at $8,450.74, Ether at $163.88 and XRP at $0.22. The total market cap is at $233,388,704,913.Among the biggest 1,000 cryptocurrencies, the top three altcoin gainers of the week are Polybius, Prometheus and Eureka Coin. The top three altcoin losers of the week are Q DAO Governance, OVCODE and CannabisCoin.

For more info on crypto prices, make sure to read Cointelegraph’s market analysis.

Most Memorable Quotations

“I think there's a lot of things that are illegal that shouldn't be illegal. I think that sometimes governments just have too many laws about the missions that they should have, and shouldn't have so many things that are illegal.”Elon Musk, Tesla CEO“So then there is the new technology, the digital, the blockchain. The Libra episode is just evoking a future digital currency.”Paulo Guedes, Brazil’s economy minister“When we started this journey almost six months ago, the whole idea was not around a certain way of doing things, but more around ‘let’s come together and try to figure out how we solve a problem that is unacceptable’ — 1.7 billion people who are currently unbanked, another billion underserved.”David Marcus, Calibra CEO“Given the critical roles central banks play in the global economy, any central bank digital currency implementation, including potentially with blockchain technology, will have a profound impact domestically and internationally.”Sheila Warren, World Economic Forum head of blockchain“In the next 12 months, you’ll see IPOs in the crypto/blockchain space. We’re not going to be the first and we’re not going to be the last, but I expect us to be on the leading side… it’s a natural evolution for our company.”Brad Garlinghouse, Ripple CEO“My #Bitcoin mystery is solved. I mistook my pin for my password. When Blockchain updated their app I got logged out. I logging back in using my pin, which was the only ‘password’ I had ever known or used. I also never had a copy of my seed phrase. Honest but costly mistake!”Peter Schiff, crypto skeptic and gold bug“iCloud is now officially a surveillance tool. Apps that are relying on it to store your private messages (such as WhatsApp) are part of the problem.”Pavel Durov, Telegram founder and CEO

FUD of the Week

Greece extradites alleged launderer of $4 billion in BTC, Alexander Vinnik, to FranceA Russian national accused of heading a group that laundered $4 billion in Bitcoin has been extradited from Greece to France. Alexander Vinnik formerly operated the now-shuttered exchange BTC-e and is believed to have a direct relationship to the infamous hack of Mt. Gox. The case has risked triggering a diplomatic row, with Russia filing several requests to bring him under its jurisdiction. Lawyers writing on behalf of Vinnik’s young children had submitted a complaint to a Greek court at the start of the week in an attempt to prevent the extradition. Reports now suggest that Vinnik is being held at a hospital in Paris. His legal representative Zoe Konstantopoulou said: “In every way the government is trying to scare him, terrorize him, in a moment of great agony, while his health has worsened.”India’s central bank says it hasn’t banned cryptoThe Reserve Bank of India has said restrictions on regulated entities offering crypto assets do not equate to an overall ban. In a document submitted to the country’s supreme court back in September, which has now been made public, the institution said: “The RBI has not prohibited VCs (virtual currencies) in the country. The RBI has directed the entities regulated by it to not provide services to those persons or entities dealing in or settling VCs.” All of this comes as a landmark case against the RBI concludes its second week. Hearings are set to resume on Jan. 28.Peter Schiff bungled wallet password, solving “Bitcoin mystery”Long-running crypto skeptic and gold bug Peter Schiff is likely to be even more skeptical after losing access to his funds. At first, he believed his wallet was corrupted — but he later found out that he mistook his PIN for his password, and he was unable to log in after an app update because he had never taken a copy of his seed phrase. Many in the crypto community have criticized Schiff for making a rookie mistake, with Binance CEO Changpeng Zhao quipping: “I can’t believe I am about to say this, but maybe ‘stay in fiat?’” In recent days, CZ has said that keeping assets on an exchange is often safer than keeping the keys themselves — but those who have fallen victims to hacks on these platforms may not be so quick to agree.

Telegram CEO: Apple’s iCloud is “now officially a surveillance tool”Pavel Durov, the founder and CEO of Telegram, has claimed that Apple’s cloud service iCloud is “now officially a surveillance tool.” His stinging rebuke followed reports that the tech giant dropped plans for end-to-end encryption on iCloud two years ago — apparently following complaints from the FBI. This ultimately means that backed-up texts from iMessage, WhatsApp and other encrypted services remain available to Apple employees and authorities. Telegram has been positioning itself as a global fighter for privacy — and in 2018, it refused to give Russian authorities the encryption keys to user accounts, prompting as-of-yet unfulfilled threats that the app would be blocked “in the near future.”

Best Cointelegraph Features

SEC goes head-to-head with Telegram, makes a guinea pig of TONThe Chamber of Digital Commerce submitted a legal document to the court overseeing the hearing between Telegram and the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. Shiraz Jagati looks at what it says.Effect of CME futures options on BTC price depends on halvingCME Group has launched new Bitcoin options — further uplifting the institutional infrastructure supporting the asset class. Joseph Young writes that it’s a net positive for the crypto community, and the upcoming “halving” could make things more interesting.Adam Back on Satoshi emails, privacy concerns and Bitcoin’s early daysCassio Gusson has caught up with Adam Back to discuss the early years of Bitcoin, his emails with Satoshi Nakamoto and privacy — 11 years after BTC’s release.Original Article - CoinTelegraph.com Read the full article