#just been burned 5 too many times when it comes to this in relation to spn

[writteninthestarsinyoureyes]

[cerastes]

What's your take on MumuDoc in Lonetrail?

Muelsyse in Lone Trail felt, in many ways, like seeing someone diving in a pool, and at first, you're not alarmed. They know how to swim. You don't really think much of it. But then a minute passes, and they are still underwater. Concern sinks in, and you make your way to the pool, and as you're about to jump in, their head surfaces, they are back up. They cough, they tough it out, and are a bit nervous about diving again, but you're going in the pool with them now, and they feel more at ease.

Take this, intensify it a hundredfold, stretch it a hundredfold, and scrutinize it a hundredfold, and you end up with Muelsyse, in her barest form, like a diamond born from a chunk of charcoal that had too much pressure put on it.

I can see Muelsyse's dynamic with Doctor being romantic. I can see Muelsyse's dynamic with Doctor not being romantic. Both are fine interpretations, if you ask me, I mean, her theme song is very much a love song, and at the same time, she feels desperate to find anyone who can just... Empathize in even the slightest of ways to her. Either read is fine, outright discounting either feels a tad disingenuous.

Alienation. Complete and utter alienation, an edge sharper and more injurious than isolation. This is, if you ask me, the main theme surrounding the Rhine Lab arc and cast.

Saria is alienated. She cannot find common ground with anyone else around her for the longest time. She used to have a shared dream with Kristen, but that bridge has burned and frozen and turned to ash all over. Kristen is alienated. She simply cannot see a point to anything except that obsessive doggedly persistent dream of hers, and it has been weighted more important than her humanity. Joyce is alienated. Forever a partial prisoner in her own head, there are few and far between that will ever put up with the unique intricacies of having to deal with someone that talks like her, has sudden Oripathy attacks like her, and falls asleep on the spot seemingly at random like her, fully cognizant of how high maintenance she can be on others. Ho'olheyak is alienated. On borrowed time, without kin or friend to call her own, living for a transcending mission far bigger than her and so, so small in the overarching beats of a world that can't be bothered to stop for her. Silence. Ifrit. Dorothy. Tin Man. I could go on. Alienated, all of them. Not isolated, because isolation would imply the lack of physical company. This is far colder, far darker. It's alienation. It's seeing the other side of the cliff, and no possibility of a bridge to connect it to your end of the cliff. Isolation stings, it's a pain you know is there. Alienation drowns, because you can see the surface, but you are convinced you'll never make it there, and it's a hundredfold worse.

Muelsyse is no different. Muelsyse is alienated, and goodness she has tried and tried and tried, she swims so, so hard to reach the surface, but she can't reach it. Being in Rhine Labs necessarily means you need to resort to some cutthroat cloak and dagger, it becomes routine, all for an ultimate goal, but is that ultimate goal even possible? With every step taken by Muelsyse, it seems two new steps materialized at the end of the staircase. Everyone she's met, for years now, has either been someone looking to use her, or someone she can use for her own advantage. Usually simultaneously. And it's in this context, when the 9 to 5 becomes tricking, blackmailing, snuffing and silencing that by chance, she comes across someone, possibly the sole person, that can actually understand the sheer weight on her shoulders: Doctor, someone who doesn't own their own past, but is shackled by it, someone who has no one to relate to, someone surrounded by sufficiently similar but ultimately infinitely different people to themselves, someone who by all means should be drowning in the same pool as her, but somehow, this person reached the surface. It's very easy to see why she'd become so utterly fascinated by this person, who shares many similarities with her, and yet, who seemingly has it so good, has it so sweet. It could have easily been jealousy, but end of the day, Muelsyse IS a sweet person. Yeah, she plays it up, always so cheerful and whimsical, but end of the day, Muelsyse is playing up something that is already there in the first place. Instead of jealousy, it brought her happiness, because maybe, just maybe, she could enjoy a bit of that je ne sais quoi that Doctor seems to have in spades and she is completely bankrupt of.

The first interactions between Muelsyse and Doctor are telling of this overwhelming rush of emotion: Muelsyse less talks with Doctor and more talks at them. She vomits words, emotion, whimsy, as if trying to put these emotions into words and actions after so long, emotions that was ready to never need to put into words in the first place. It eventually becomes a dialogue between two parties, but Muelsyse's interactions with Doctor are initially extremely one-sided, and they remain one-sided to some degree even moving forward. It was heartwrenching to me, honestly, to see the sheer joy Muelsyse radiated while around Doctor, because that is an almost manic amount of joy simply from possibly finding someone that gets it. Muelsyse has not had a bridge in so, so long, and suddenly, the finds someone that not only resembles her a lot, but also seems to have bridges in spades. Muelsyse and Doctor's dynamic should never be considered in a vacuum just between the two of them: One of the first things Muelsyse saw with her own eyes was that Doctor had a pretty friendly relationship, mutual respect included, with Saria. That, is immediately very telling of Doctor, given that Muelsyse understands exactly how difficult that is. We also know Muelsyse sneaks around Rhodes Island and chats with Ifrit now and then, and Ifrit also expressly has a very high opinion of Doctor. It simply makes sense that Muelsyse would feel as enthusiastic about her Dorothy's Vision brush with Doc, and all that Lone Trail entailed: It's terribly sad, because they don't even know each other, and even then, it's the shiniest ray of hope for herself that Muelsyse has had the chance to bask in: Doctor's essence, Doctor's existence, in and of itself, is a massive beacon of hope for Muelsyse.

And it's so damn sad, that this perfect stranger is the most familiar comrade she'll ever find.

Is this romantic love? Hell, the molotov cocktail of emotions involved might as well be, either now or in potentially in the future. Is it something unhealthily dependent? Yeah... Yeah. It might just be the euphoria of knowing that she can reach the surface, after all, that bridges, too, are possible for her to have, with not underlying motive, with no ulterior motive, without needing to offer something or to extract something. To put in the most basic of terms, Doctor, to Muelsyse, might as well represent the very first person in who knows how long that she can relate to at all. It is an immensely sad emotional starvation, and she finally found something to sink her teeth onto.

This is personal, but the way Muelsyse struck me, it felt to me that when she had even the barest of handles on Doctor, she related to someone for the first time in forever, and it shook her to her very core. It may have been the first time she saw, in someone else, a potentially happy Muelsyse.

It's extremely bittersweet. If you've ever dealt with alienation, think back on the first time you found someone who truly "got you". Add to that the fact that her routine of interacting with people had become to see others as tools, and to always be on the lookout for those wishing to use and expend you as a tool. Then, add to that that there are definitely more Elves, but Muelsyse is so fundamentally different to them that the sheer differences in temperament and culture make it so it's impossible for her to relate to them anyway. What could be lonelier than that? It's called Lone Trail for a reason, because alienation is a main theme for all of these people.

In finding the sole person that could possibly relate to her in circumstance and temperament, it's easy to see where Muelsyse's interest in Doctor comes from. Whether you interpret it as romantic or otherwise, it can't be denied that this immensely strong interest exists. It comes from finally seeing a way to reach the surface after the world told her for decades that she simply could only drown. Because Doctor is the only other person that could understand her in being the last of their race and in having no past and maybe even no future, and yet, Doctor having so many bridges, while she has none. I think Muelsyse craves companionship, not necessarily romantic, from Doctor, and, this is important, also wants to have what they have, and be part of it, of so many bridges built without ulterior motives.

[cher-rei]

afterglow pt- 11 [ T.A.A ]

pairings: trent alexander arnold x fem!reader

summary: young and aspiring marketing and business major jamie carter (you) is privileged with working alongside the liverpool marketing and public relations team while also getting entangled with their star player and right back, trent alexander arnold.

genre(s): friends to lovers, fluff, slowish?? burn

[wc: 4.2k] [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10] [part 12]

notes: so many things are happening at once, I kid you not.

“that reminds me.” you snapped your fingers in realisation. “are you free this weekend? I wanted us to go to the planetarium.”

clara who was sat opposite you on the couch at the axa training lounge hummed in thought, despite her already knowing the answer. “unfortunately not. I have family coming over.”

you dropped your phone into your lap with a groan at the familiar answer. this was the third time in a month that she's been unable to hang out. “dude are you serious? are you ditching me because you're like secretly a spy or something.”

your retort made her laugh, but she shook her head. you couldn't deny that it made you feel slightly upset that clara has been busy whenever you wanted to hangout, and there was a flicker in your mind wondering if she was being serious or just didn't want to be around you too much.

you continued to scroll aimlessly through your phone while clara watched with a somber look. “why don't you invite you know who over?”

without saying anything you simply looked at her, the look in your eyes being enough of a tell tale of how you felt about that. trent had been over at your apartment nearly everyday for the past week— not that you were complaining of course. over the course of the week, you'd gotten closer than you expected.

it's not like either of you had anything better to do, so your afternoons after work consisted of making supper, for two instead of just yourself, and lounging around just for the fun of it. however, this week he'd be busy with his physio and you didn't want to interrupt that part of his routine.

so you started to mentally plan out your weekend which you'd be spending alone. “how do you feel about mason mount by the way?”

the question was out of the blue, seeing as you just saw an edit of the footballer on your for you page and it got you thinking. you and maya had talked about it before, she liked to call it “the downfall of mason mount”. at some point, there was a bit of delusion in you that believed that chelsea would take him back.

something flickered in clara's eyes, and she visibly stiffened for a moment. what do you--” she tucked a loose strand of her behind her ear and cleared her throat. “--what do you mean? I feel normal about him, yeah like the normal amount.”

your face scrunched at her answer. “okay? but what do you think about him?”

once again, she began rambling and you wondered if she was even understanding the words coming from her mouth.

“what's that supposed to mean?” she laughed, but the awkwardness didn't go unnoticed. “It's not like I know the guy.”

that wasn't what you meant at all but clara misunderstood entirely. your gaze traveled to her hands that was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt but you pushed the thought to the side. with a sigh you nodded slowly. “uhm, okay then. world cup mason was an era though, ugh take me back.”

“yeah, the best,” clara trailed off and all you could was stare at her blankly, your lips slightly parted in confusion.

the day came to an end quickly, so when you finished up answering the last of your emails and going over the footage of the new ‘up the reds!’ episode, you called it a day and dashed straight to your car.

seeing as it was friday, you didn't need anything and took the liberty of hopping straight into the shower when you got home. of course, you were tackled by a very excited honey on your way in and gave her the necessary attention for a bit.

“hm, we can definitely take a run tomorrow,” you said and gave honey a quick kiss on her head.

you ran yourself a hot relaxing bath and decided to treat this as a self care weekend. it was a peaceful evening which was just what you needed to unwind from the last few weeks of work and confused feelings. when you got out of the bath, you stayed in your towel for a bit and began prepping your supper.

when you finished up with your skincare and got into your pajamas all you needed to do was finish up with your supper. you had the music blasting from your living room, your taylor swift playlist being as bipolar as ever.

spamjam._.

liked by fía.messi and 1 324 223 others

spamjam._. weekend reset🌙

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fía.messi smash. [liked by spamjam._.]

no.elle look at honey 😭 [liked by spamjam._.]

→ spamjam._. uhm hello??? girl where have you been??

→ no.elle studying 😭 but I'm back now!!

→ spamjam._. studying for 4 years straight 😃 you left me for germany!

→ no.elle. shut up you're making me sound like a horrible person!

→ spamjam._. I'm gonna need a very long explanation then, my dms are open bb xx

saffiekahn woah there, second pic 🤭 [liked by spamjam._.]

→ curtisjr ??? literally what

→ saffiekahn don't worry about it hun xx

you sung and danced along to your shuffled playlist in the kitchen while plating your food. and by the time you were finished, your phone started to ring. the music was quickly paused and you answered the video call with an excited smile.

“I saw your instagram post and I felt the need to rush over immediately,” sofía said from the other end if the line.

a laugh ticked at your throat as you set your phone up and sat at the bar stool while you ate. “how are you holding up?”

a heavy sigh left your friend's mouth and she went off camera for a moment to shut her room door. “I'm okay. but I'm not the one recovering from an acl injury anymore.”

a frown formed on your face at her answer and you realised who she was referring to. “I can't imagine how he must be feeling right now.” you picked at your food for a moment. “but it was nice of you to offer to help him you know?”

sofía smiled, and made herself comfortable under her blanket. “pablo's strong, he’s just a little lost right now.” there was a hint of hurt in her voice as she thought back to the day that gavi tore his acl, recalling just how her stomach dropped when she got the call from his mother.

“and he means a lot to me so I want to be with him right now. jamie you should've seen the look in his eyes when I got to the hospital.”

sure you weren't there but you saw the videos and could account for the pain in his eyes as he limped off the pitch. an acl injury was no joke either, so this was really a tell tale of how much sofía truly cared for him even if she was always complaining about him.

the two of you continued to chat for a bit, catching up since so much had happened since you last saw each other at the last clasíco. “and how are you and trent?”

sofía's question made you cringe. “don't go quiet on me now, I know that somethings up.”

yes something was up. but you weren't sure what it was. “uhm, i think it's going somewhere. it's still too early too tell though, but moves are being made.”

on the other end of the line sofía sighed in relief, causing you to roll your eyes. “and I thank clara for that.”

the following day, you started your morning off with a some fruit oatmeal and coffee before changing into a pair of leggings, a tank top and a zip up hoodie to throw over for your walk with honey.

the weather was a bit chilly despite the sun beating down on you. you and honey took a trip to the park and played around for a while, got some coffee and then went back home. after your shower, you fed honey and got yourself something to eat and sat down to do some work.

you checked the team's schedule for the rest of the month and made notes for filming days and photoshoots, as well as the football match that you and trent had agreed upon a while ago. it was going to be a charity match, which you'd be organising and setting up.

then there was the efl cup final at the end of february as well. the next few months were going to be hell and you could feel it creeping up already. you packed up your work things at about 12:45 and decided to watch some t.v for a bit.

with honey in your lap and the t.v playing in the background you scrolled through your socials when something popped up on your feed. your jaw dropped at clara's post.

clarashaw

liked by maya.carter and 98 234 others

clarashaw weekend with my babies 💌

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you didn't know whether to call her or wait it out. she lied to you about having family over, but you weren't even mad. heck she had a boyfriend!

honey squirmed in your lap and you soothed her back to sleep. “your aunt is a liar. but we'll call her tomorrow so she can enjoy her little date weekend.”

“guess who's back?” you joked and waved at your viewers through the camera.

it had been so long since you last streamed, and you missed it. even if you were just here to chat for a few hours, you felt the need to catch up with your fan base who were more than delighted to have you back.

“how is everyone doing? it’s been so long since we've done this.” your eyes ran along the comments on your monitor, when one caught your eye. you hurriedly hopped off your chair and left the room, coming back with honey in your arms.

the live chat started flooding with comment on how cute she was. the puppy in your arms wagged her rail in excitement as she saw herself on the monitor. “this is an official introduction. trent was the first of everyone to see her, and I took her to work the other day where she was treated like a celebrity by the way.”

you spoke to your viewers about how work had been so far, and how you had the opportunity to meet so many people. everyone already knew about sofía, but there was one person that was more recent.

“okay, so we can play a little game,” you said with a cheeky smile. “I'll give you guys a hint, she's the wag of someone who's club we played recently.”

immediately your chat was flooding with names of every wag to date, which had you rolling your head back in laughter. after a while you gave them one last hint— she was someone that you mentioned on stream a very long time ago, and that you described her as “a gift from the heavens”.

from that, the correct answer came in. “yes!! sophia weber!!”

you put your hand to your heart at the remembrance of your meeting at the emirates stadium the week before. you were coming down from the press table when you bumped into her. she flashed you the most breathtaking smile and you felt your knees go weak, fumbling over your words as you tried to apologise.

“and the best part is that she knew who I was!” you gawked. “like who even am I? I'm no one and she knew my name! and said that she'd like me to sit with her the next time we play arsenal.”

the topic then changed to the lastest television drama as you shared recommendations for shows and movies.

“firstly I think they did a great jo–” you were interrupted by your phone buzzing on your table. with a smile you answered seeing that it was jobe, probably calling to check up with you.

“hi, my angel what's up? you're on speaker by the way,” you answered and he went silent for a moment, not having registered that you were streaming.

when he got the message he greeted the stream as well, followed by a bashful laugh. “I called to check up on you. you know, to see if you're alive and all.”

the sound of jobe's voice made you smile. “oh, so you didn't call because you missed me?”

a scoff echoed through the other end of the line. “me? miss you? never in a million years.”

you hummed and played along with his antics, clearly he didn't want to be embarrassed. suddenly you recalled the fiasco from earlier on in the week when trent came over. “also can you please explain how you blocked me from our netflix account to everyone? I'd really appreciate a full explanation.”

jobe burst into a fit of laughter at that, and you sat patiently and waited for an explanation. you, jobe and jude shared a netflix account and have for years, and when you tried to log in the other evening after trent left, the password was wrong.

“it wasn't me though! jude changed the password, I didn't even know I swear,” he defended himself by shamelessly throwing his older brother under the bus.

you shook your head and looked at your camera. “I'm the one paying for the account by the way.” you paused at the sound of his resounding laughter through the speaker. “not the two professional footballers.”

“I'm like 99% sure that you make more money than I do.”

the call didn't last long after that, but you appreciated the call. you hung up after wishing him luck for his match the following day, waiting until he said that he loved you to fully end the call.

the weekend was finally coming to an end. and that meant one thing— clara was about to get beat up (obviously that was an exaggeration). it was after lunch that you called her, but you stayed silent on the line for a good few minutes to emphasise your feeling of betrayal.

you were in the kitchen when the sound of the front door opening rung through your apartment, as well as honey’s excited barking. that was a clear indication that trent was here so you weren't worried.

clara was rambling on about explaining herself when you felt the presence of someone behind you, his hands resting on your sides to tickle you but you fought him off with a stern look.

“I'm not mad that you have a boyfriend, I'm just confused that you lied to me,” you said honestly which caught trent's interest.

he watched with curious eyes as you took a seat on the island and stood opposite you, waiting for an explanation. to this you raised your hand, telling him to hold while you got the full story.

trent was impatient as he listened to you talk to clara, having no clue what was being said from her side. all he got was that she had a boyfriend and that you might know him.

you sighed at clara's words. “yeah but what was the big de– you're what???!”

both honey and trent jolted at the sound of your scream. the look of utter shock in your eyes told trent that this was groundbreaking information and he needed to know. he'd been silent for long enough, his curiosity was eating him up.

this was when you got off the counter and began pacing the kitchen, with him following after you like a lost puppy. he tried to get you attention but you waved him off every single time.

you stood with your hands in your hips. “how long have you known? were you surprised? you'be been engaged for how long?? clara you've been screwing the enemy for 4 years!?”

trent's mouth fell agape, and he couldn't help himself. “screwing the enemy??”

your hand flew to cover trent's mouth, because clara didn't know that he was there until he decided to speak up. you tried to divert the conversation again and shot the footballer a look but all he could do was focus on the lack of space between the two of you.

your body was pressed up against his, so he took the liberty of snaking his arms around your waist and to his surprise you didn't mind. you were barely focused on him at all, which wasn't ideal but he loved the proximity.

then you heard a voice in the background of clara's and you couldn't help yourself. “that's him isn't it? don't lie to me clara, put me on speaker right now.”

after a bit of reluctance she obliged and you did the same, earning a smile of victory from trent who was listening intently until the sound of the familiar male voice.

“hi mason, it's jamie,” you greeted in your nicest voice possible, fighting back the laugh in your throat because of trent's look of disbelief and confusion.

“jude's friend jamie?” he asked clara and she nodded, causing him to smile. “yeah, I remember we met a while ago during the world cup. how are you?”

you pursed your lips at his question. you couldn't be mad at him like this, he was being too nice. “I'm doing great. I should be asking you since you're going to be a father.”

“clara’s pregnant?!”

you slapped trent on the chest but he couldn't stay quiet any longer. your friend om the other hand was more than upset.

“you said that trent wasn't there,” she argued but you were just as fed up and argued back with a scoff.

“yeah and you told me that you had family coming over.”

it was mason's turn to speak during the unfortunate encounter. he was so oblivious to what was going on, and you could hear the excitement in his voice when he realised that trent was there, seeing as they were friends and called out to him just to check.

you gave trent a look, gesturing for him to answer. he cleared his throat and said hi. “hi mate, it's been a while. how are you holding up?”

the conversation didn't last too long and after a mutual agreement clara ended the call. you looked at your screen with a groan, this was not what you had expected at all. absentmindedly, you rested your head on trent's chest, trying to process what had just happened.

it came as such a shock to you, and by trent’s confused rambling he was having a hard time comprehending it too.

“so clara is getting married and she's pregnant,” he repeated to make sense of all the information. “and it's mason mount, who's also the father and they've been together for 4 years and nobody knew at all.”

the only question you had at the moment was why everyone was either getting married or pregnant. what happened to taking it slow? them again you had no right to speak seeing as you weren't even sure if you were ever going to make it that far.

“what are you doing here by the way?” you llifted your head to look up at trent, who merely shrugged. it only dawned on you then that his hands were resting on your waist which caused you tense up.

the pit in your stomach grew and you tried your best to seem as casual as possible. he must've noticed because he was eager to break the silent tension and told you about his physio assessment as he limped over to the couch. the lack of warmth on your wasit was harsh, almost foreign even though it wasn't something that's happened between the two of you before this.

the past two weeks had been a blur regarding your relationship. it was more than obvious by now that there was something going on, but neither of you addressed the topic. a few days ago you called maya to ask her for advice and she said that he was probably waiting for the right time.

which made sense. things always seemed to get messy whenever the two of you got closer, for example, skylar showing up, the recent speculation of him having a girlfriend (who wasn't you), and now his injury. only this time, you weren't planning on backing away and were prepared to stay until it was clear that you had no chance with him.

the rest of the month flew by without any further issues. the team was performing well, trent's recovery was going great and you officially met mason and absolutely melted at him and clara's relationship.

you joined them at clara's house not too long after the call you had with her, and needless to say, you were extremely happy for her. there wasn't a couple that you've met that smiled at each other more than they did. you could practically feel the love and adoration floating through the air when you were around them.

then something else shifted.

you knew something was up when a meeting was called after work hours that friday. but you couldn't think of any issue so you went in with little care, ans sat down at the table beside clara as per usual. it was when you scanned the room that you realised it was just the media team in the room and not the coaching staff as well.

just as you were about to bring it up with clara, jurgen walked into the room with a lopsided smile. he shut the door behind him carefully and took his spot in front, preferring to stand instead of taking a seat.

“good afternoon everyone, I'm sorry for keeping you all after hours but I just finished talking to the boys,” he apologised which had you questioning.

he continued on but it took him a while to get to the point, but eventually he made eye contact with you and smiled but it was somber. the usual excitement wasny present in his eyes, so you sat up in your chair and waited.

“I will be retiring as the team's manager at the end of the season.”

you wanted to throw up, hoping that this was just some sick joke for april fools but the issue was that it wasn't april. the room broke out into mummers and questions for jurgen who looked as if he wasn't taking the news well himself.

he tried to keep it as short as possible, and proposed the idea of content being pushed out as well as a formal announcement video by the end of the month– which was in five days.

the meeting ended after 20 minutes of discussion and more apologies for the late and abrupt news. of course everyone was devastated, and you were literally fighting back tears. then it hit you that the team just got told as well, and all that sadness tripled and hit you like a truck.

there was still three months left of the season, and this could either motivate the boys or ruin everything.

to your surprise jurgen asked you to stay behind for a moment. when the media team finally left, it was just you and your broken heart.

“you know I didn't even feel this broken when I broke up with my ex boyfriend,” you said and shut your eyes to force back the tears daring to escape.

a hearty chuckle echoed through the room and he came to sit next to you. it was silent for a moment again, to give you some time to process the news. “do you know why I make sure that you're so involved with the team?”

you looked at jurgen with furrowed brows at the question, not quite catching on. you agreed that there was a drastic difference between other clubs and their media managers, as opposed to you who showed up to all the matches, travelled with them, stayed during training and got the opportunity to form an actual bond with them.

“because I knew that when I leave, I'll need someone to be a sort of pillar for them.” he hummed and tried to find the correct way to put what he was saying into words. “a new coaching staff will be hired, people who the boys have been with for most of their careers will be gone but I want them to have a familiar face.”

you nodded in understanding. it was difficult for people to leave most of what they know behind and start fresh and grow comfortable with their surroundings so you could account for his reasoning. that didn't mean that any of this would be easier for them though.

“I just need them to feel at home, and you've been doing that exceptionally well from the moment you started working here,” jurgen said and laughed, recalling the early morning that you joined them at the training center.

there was a curious but nervous look in your eyes that day, and just by looking at you then he knew that you'd be a vital part of the team for as long as they stood. and now more than ever, was your role as detrimental as ever and you were determined to make jurgen's departure one that he'll remember.

that evening when you got back to your apartment, you weren't surprised to see your phone blow up with messages from the group chat.

[charmercharm3r]

Study Buddy

SCB

Masterlist

word count: 1.7k

Synopsis: Changbin gives you a helping hand for your studies.

warnings: smut, sexual explicit content, softdom!changbin, oral (f receiving), praise, slight edging, brief pussy slapping

-

Changbin was home by 5:30 p.m. for the first time in what felt like ages. His being home meant he finally got to cook you dinner, cuddle on the couch, maybe run you both a bath and be in bed by eleven. He was washing the vegetables when he heard a thump coming from the dining table, followed by a pained groan.

“Baby?” He called out, quickly washing his hands and setting aside the dinner task in lieu of checking on you. You’d warned him when he got home that you were neck deep in homework, finals were just around the corner and you planned to burn the knowledge into your brain. It had been hours since you set up camp at the dining table, where you usually did when Changbin wasn’t home. It’s been a while since he’s been home early enough to catch you studying, usually voicing that when he was here, you wanted all of your attention to be on him. With such limited time together, Changbin didn’t bother protesting.

Rounding the corner, Changbin found you with your forehead planted against the plane of the table, body looking entirely too limp for the amount of empty energy drinks scattered around. He laughed to himself at the scene in front of him, unable to help snapping a quick picture of you in this disheveled state. After all, it was the domesticity he lacked in his glamorous life. With you, that’s all he felt, at home.

“Are you okay?” Hints of giggles lingered in his tone. You turned your head in his direction, cheek squished against the wood.

“I can’t feel my brain.”

Changbin skipped over to you and pulled out the closest seat, scooting the chair even closer. There were textbooks and notes spread all around, nowhere to put anything down that wasn’t school related. “Is that why you hit your head so hard I heard it from the next room?” Your weak attempt to nod made him smile again and plant a sweet kiss to your temple. “Oh, don’t do that, baby. You’ll hurt your pretty head and even prettier brain.”

A hand raked softly through your hair, your eyes fluttering closed at the feeling. Even when you were overwhelmed and exhausted, Changbin’s presence was always soothing. You groaned again when he stopped and let you sit up.

“I took so many notes and still don’t understand. I even made flashcards as if that would help.” You rolled your head around to stretch your neck, eyes closing momentarily.

“You’ve been sitting here for hours. Let me help,” Changbin stood, walking behind you and feeling his big hands slide up your shoulders. You instantly relaxed into his touch, almost melting upon his body radiating heat like a furnace. “What are you stuck on?”

The question almost didn’t register, too lost in the way his thumbs now massaged the knots in your neck. “Theories of first language acquisition.”

“What’s the first theory you remember?”

“Um– oh, oh.” Lips attached to the junction of your shoulder, lightly, slowly making its way up your neck.

“Answer, baby,” he mumbled against your skin. The smallest of touches had your mind going foggy, distracting from the work in front of you.

“Erm– m– mediation theory.”

Hand coming around to cup your face, Changbin knelt at your side and kissed you gently, briefly. He barely allowed you to fully fall into it before pulling your chair back and crawling under the table. While he did, he laid more kisses to the expanse of your legs, thighs, wherever skin was exposed. You suddenly regret putting on the shorts knowing with your boyfriend home, they’d be off soon enough.

Except he stopped upon coming face to face with your core, smirking to himself as he watched you scoot forward and spread your legs more. “Tell me about it.” Changbin grazed his fingers over the inside of your thigh, drawing gentle shapes and slowly coming closer to where you wanted him most.

“It’s, um…” Your mind genuinely couldn’t think of an answer.

At your pause, Changbin peaked his head out from under the table, “I don’t wanna stop, baby. But if you can’t answer then I’m gonna have to.” The sudden fear of the loss of his touch made your eyes grow wide, shaking your head no. He grinned, ducking between your legs again. “Continue.”

“Mediation theory,” the same gentle fingers traced the outline of your cunt through your shorts, feeling a gush of arousal seep through. Just as the tip of his finger ran over the sensitive bundle of nerves, your entire body shivered. A teasing laugh sounded from beneath the table. With a shaky voice, you answered, “s– self stimulating response t–to a word or sentence.” It came out in one rushed breath.

With a satisfied hum, Changbin leaned in and ran his tongue over your clothed pussy, faintly tasting your essence. You moaned out, throat suddenly dry. Reaching under to grab at his hair, Changbin gently swatted your hands away. “No touching. Focus on your studies, baby.”

“How am I supposed to focus with your head between my legs?” It was a legit question, one that made Changbin evilly chuckle knowing what he wanted from you was going to be impossible.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to leave you here high and dry. And I really, really don’t wanna do that. Think of every step closer as a reward.”

“A reward?” The word made your thighs clench around his head. In normal settings, Changbin would gladly take it. But right now, he wanted to push you a bit. It took a little bit of force to get your thighs to release him, but bit a loving and proud mark into the flesh all the same.

“Only if you can answer my questions. Remember, we’re studying.”

“Mhm, mhm. Sure. Studying.” You guided his head back to wear it was before, right before your throbbing core.

A pleased sigh, he continued his mission. “Tell me about another theory.”

Changbin poked his tongue out, drawing tight circles to your clit. He was only in this position for maybe five minutes and you were already soaked. Curiosity got the best of him, pulling the garment to the side to reveal your bare, dripping pussy. A short laugh fanned his breath over your sensitive nerves, another shiver rippling through your body.

The tip of his finger slicked through your folds, he hummed to get your attention back on track. “Behavioralism supports ch– children being born with no p– preconceived notions.”

He quickly flattened his tongue over your cunt, taking long licks and circling your entrance. A hum of approval made you whimper. “Another,” he demanded.

“Constructivism combats that by saying children are born with innate–” two large fingers pressed into your hole, cutting off your sentence entirely and sucking in a deep breath. “Oh, fuck.”

Changbin instantly stopped, stilling his motions and looking up at you through his lashes. “If you stop again, so will I.”

“No, no! Please don’t! I know this, I promise. Just please, don’t stop.” He happily chuckled, mostly at how desperate you already were. He couldn’t blame you, though. Changbin could feel his own dick throbbing to the point of almost painful, so incredibly turned on by how well you were doing for him.

Taking his position again, Changbin began to move his fingers again, slowly fucking them in and out while simultaneously lapping at your clit like a dog. It was almost too much, yet not enough at the same time. Yet, your head was falling closer to empty with every passing second.

“Constructivism.” He demanded louder against your cunt.

“Born with innate knowledge a– and learn to function through in– interaction.”

He took your clit between his lips and sucked hard, drawing a loud moan. Popping off for a moment, “good girl. Good fucking girl,” and went to town. The slurping noises bouncing off the walls was obscene, borderline pornographic when paired with your cries of pleasure. It was almost as though Changbin could feel how good you felt, his own noises muffled by your pussy almost just as loud.

The build up felt like it had been happening forever. That, or you were so worked up and sensitive that you felt like coming in mere minutes. Moreso, the latter.

“Gonna– gonna cum–”

“Hold it,” he ordered, slowing his fingers and going back to rubbing figure eights with his tongue. “One more question and you’ll get your reward.”

You trusted him with your life, but you were starting to think he wasn’t going to give it to you. Changbin was dragging it out as long as he possibly could, avoiding suckling on your clit because he knew your body better than you did. You didn’t need much more to fall over the edge.

“W– what’s the last question?” You gripped the edge of the seat, leaning back and feet instinctively raising off the ground. He tried his hardest not to press his free hand into his cock, distracting himself by draping your legs over his shoulders and anchoring onto your thigh. The small pinches he left to your skin was only egging you closer and closer. He loved the way your walls clenched around his fingers, adding a third just because you were so enthusiastic.

“Which do you believe?”

“What?”

“Behavioralism or constructivism. Which do you believe?” He wound tighter circles into your clit, curling his fingers just right to lightly brush against your g-spot.

You were going to answer, you swear. But one good, accidental flick of his tongue made your thighs clamp around his head again, trapping Changbin in place while white clouded your vision and heat suffocated your skin. There was no stopping your orgasm now, so he gave in and suckled on your nub to help you ride out the high.

When you finally came down and released him, he licked the same fingers that were in your pussy and clapped a smack to your overly sensitive sex. It made you flinch and your knees shot up to hit the underside of the table. Your boyfriend took ahold of your ankles and forced them back around his neck as he came back in close to your core. Changbin delivered a few more wet slaps before soothing over it with his tongue.

“You failed, baby. Guess we’ll have to keep going.”

-

A/N: I have so many longer wips that I've been working on. Hope you all have been enjoying these shorter stories!

[babiebom]

Hiiii. I hope ur ok with my just constantly being like *ahem* spencer reid 👉🏻👈🏻🥹🥹. I loved how you wrote him in the last request! I feel like a lot of the time, people write him very ooc - just bc he can be hard to get written the right way, but like that's my boy, look at him spitting random facts for HOURS 🥰🥰?? Like yes, pls info dump on me while I stare at u lovingly, Spence 💞.

I recently came to terms with being ftm, but it's almost impossible to find any male! reader x Spencer Reid content. Which can be very dysphoric 😵‍💫. Which sucks! Bc holy hell, there are some fuckinnn amazing writers out there writing fanfics.

So now, I have come to you, an amazing writer out here writing fanfics, to beg ask if ud be down to write any kind of oneshot with Spencer Reid dating a male reader! It honestly doesn't have to be anything specific - romantic, angsty, enemies to lovers, slow burn, whatever peaks ur interest atm!

I would just love, love to have that content with Spence & a male reader if you're down for the task! Thank you so so muchh 💓. Hope ur having a wonderful morning / afternoon / evening !

A/N:im sorry this took so long!! I’ve been busy working (blegh) and I wanted to write something sweet for you!! I’m happy you’ve come to terms with being ftm!! As a cis identifying person myself I can’t say that I know how it feels, but I am VERY happy that you’re more comfortable with your identity!! Also never worry about being too “crazy” over Spencer I’ve been obsessed with him since I was about 5 or 6 (yes it’s been a long time)!! I’ll try more to write in a more gender neutral way when writing anything reader insert related that way you can enjoy my writing without feeling left out or anything!! Always let me know if there are things I can do better <3

Tw: maybe some cursing but overall should be wholesome

Wc: 0.54k

Criminal Minds Masterlist

Spencer Reid often came home dejected after a case gone wrong, it was often that he came home tired but happy after a successful case. It wasn’t often, however, that he came home excited for a break; but then again he hadn’t had a boyfriend to come home to on previous breaks. Now, as you watch him walk through the front door of your shared apartment, you can’t help but grin at the absolutely goofy look on his face.

“Emily gave us all 4 weeks off to rest after our latest case, so that means I get four WHOLE weeks of you to myself! Isn’t that great?” He lets out a giggle after he finishes speaking, putting his bag down on the kitchen counter. You didn’t even have to ask him why he was so giddy, he answered unprompted.

“It is great!” You try to match his energy, only seeing him this excited for the first time since you’ve met. He brings you into his embrace, hugging you so tightly that you think you might die if he squeezed you any tighter. “So what are your plans now that you’re a free man for four whole weeks?”

“Well we could go to the park and play chess, or stay here and play chess but I think the sunlight would be good for both of us. Or we could go to the movies, or take a class together, or…”

“Your plans are to just have dates with me every single day?” You ask, quirking an eyebrow.

He nods as if the answer is the most obvious, concrete fact in the universe. He looks at you, not as if you’re dumb, but as if to say ‘duh what else would I be planning to do?’.

The two of you move to sit on the couch, enveloped in each other as he talks about the many, many dates you’re going to go on now that he’s free from his time constricting job. “What if I don’t wanna do those things?” You ask playfully. He shrugs.

“It doesn’t matter what we do, as long as I get to do it with you”.

“Oh?” You look at him as if he said something scandalous, “I didn’t know you had that big of a crush on me.”

He shoves you gently, rolling his eyes at your attempt to joke off his sweet words.

“You’re joking but studies have found that couples who have regular date nights more often result in higher relationship satisfaction, better communication, and a stronger emotional connection. Us going on dates during these four weeks will be better for us in the long run.”

You don’t reply, or interrupt. It’s always amusing to listen to him ramble on and on about facts that he finds interesting or applicable to the conversation. And all it does is make you fall more in love with him, seeing how serious he is about your relationship working out in the future. He says that he loves you often, but it’s things like this; seeing and listening to how much he genuinely cares about your relationship.

Being the boyfriend of a pretty boy genius has its perks, and how much he cares about you compared to others is definitely one of them.

[bonefall]

Better Bones Profile: Houndleap

"The horrifying eldritch fallen angel likes ME best because I'm hot"

[ID: The Better Bones AU version of Houndleap from Warrior Cats. He is a black-and-white tom with ginger flecks in his black parts, and a fluffy white tail tuft. His ears are burned away, and he has orange, swirly keloid scars. He also has a heart-shaped paw pad.]

Here by popular request! Holy MOLY you all jumped on the offhanded manwhore comment lmao.

Houndleap's a great example of cats who are in the Dark Forest for breaking non-violent commandments. The only thing he's killing is the gene pool, with his 6 known mates and the 16 kittens between them all. No, he wasn't in love with them all either, he just liked to play the game.

He is as close to the ideal Clan cat as one can get, and he knows it, and flaunts it. Tri-colored with beautiful ginger flecks, he fell victim to a terrible moor fire and came out with severe burns. His surviving was already a great mark of strength, but then he became even luckier when his shiny scars raised, and slightly spread from the initial injury.

Clan cats didn't have a word for keloids, they only knew it was gorgeous. As if StarClan had given him a scar that dances and shimmers.

Houndleap "abused" this gift, seeing as many cats as possible and cheating on his 'official' mate back home. In the modern era, he might have just been a very popular Honor Sire, but this was before the Queen's Rights and the Aftergathering. He was eventually caught, and after his death, he was banished to the Dark Forest for violating the Law of Loyalty on more than 5 counts.

Yes. More than 5 counts. StarClan was able to see that he had even more than 5 halfclan mates (and they're not even counting the wife he cheated on) but only 5 got pregnant.

Alignment: Dark Forest, ex-WindClan

Time Period: Skyfall Era

Relations: Too fucking many

Houndleap's addition to the Dark Forest is Lover's Beck, a twisted, romantic version of a spot in the Gorge where he used to meet with his secret lovers. It's his worst memory because he planned poorly and two of them showed up at the same time and that's how he got caught.

More trivia below!

Canon said he's solid-colored and I said no. Pretty boy.

There are several minor features in his design that will be seen in modern family lines. I won't point them out but there's 3 total (so far.)

I decided to use him as an example of nearly ideal beauty standards in BB, since I famously overhauled them from canon. He is brightly colored with complicated patterns, slightly chunky, and has a HUGE scar on the face.

Personality is slut. He just wants to flirt, man. Theme song is Mambo #5 he's just like that.

He works with Tigerstar in OotS mostly because it's not like there's anything better to do. Plus some of the trainees are hot, "hellooooo Ratscar"

When Antpelt dies, Houndleap is one of the cats who needs the most convincing to come back into the alliance. It's one thing when it's funny haha Attack And Dethrone God or whatever, but PERMAdeath??

Thankfully, Hawkfrost is a fantastic diplomat.

Generally, Houndleap is motivated by whatever's fun. He was one of the first to fall in line under Ashfur and will do basically anything if he's bored.

"We're teaching people how to kill? sure lmao. Oh we're attacking the living? Ok cool. Guard the prisoners? Not like I had plans anyway. Anyway wanna get evil dinner later, handsome <3 ?"

Likes drama, tea, stories, games, anything that brings him a little excitement really.

He can usually be counted on to join whatever silly project the group's up to this time, like catching Shrewpaw's Pheasant.

I cannot stress enough how much of a normal Crummy Dude he is. He's just some standard jerkwad guy. The Dark Forest in Better Bones contains several people like him, who might be sleazeballs or jackasses, but we would generally agree don't deserve Hell.

When canon comes up with a Houndleap backstory, I'll consider what to do with it. But for now we only know that Hound came from WindClan, which I've included.

[byoldervine]

What's your routine when it comes to writing?

I’m literally just writing everything I can think of because I don’t know if I have a routine exactly but hopefully something here answers your question

My writing goal is 1K words per week, and I’ve been able to keep up with this since the start of this year. It’s not much, but it gives me a minimum amount of consistent progress without burning me out, which is incredibly helpful

I work Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays, so I get most of my writing done outside of that, and then Mondays are usually busy for me so it’s up in the air how much writing I’ll get done that day. For the last few weeks I’ll write a little on Monday, then get the bulk of it done on Thursday and/or Saturday, which leaves Sunday free

I can’t have too many background distractions or I’ll zero in on that even if I’m not interested in it, but I find I work best with quiet background noise of some variety to ensure I’m not understimulated. My favourites tend to be a writing sprint video I love and custom soundpads I’ve made on TableTop Audio, which allows you to easily create soundscapes for whatever setting it is you’re writing about

I like writing on my laptop more than anything, with one tab being my writing and another being my notes. Any tabs that aren’t related to my writing need to be closed or they get too tempting. I cannot use my phone to research in this time or I will definitely get distracted

I work from two locations; in my bed or in the living room set up on the recliner. Both locations involve open curtains and blinds for natural light and a blanket over my lap while I write. I even have a dedicated writing blanket which has largely been taken over by my dogs, who will snuggle up whenever I get it out. I have to frequently stop them from laying their heads on my keyboard and creating shortcuts

If it’s a good motivation day or I’m at a point where I need to write a lot today or I won’t meet my deadlines, I’ll put on the writing sprint video and work within those parameters; 25 minutes writing, 5 minutes taking a break, repeat three more times. This is what got me through NaNoWriMo

Otherwise, I’ll turn on my soundscapes and tell myself I’ll just write for ten minutes and then I can stop if I want to. After ten minutes my brain wants to at least finish the part it’s on, and then I question if I want to keep going. Usually the answer is yes, so I’ll keep going. If I get to a point where my interest is starting to wane, I’ll tell myself to give it another ten minutes, and if I’m still disinterested I quit for the time being

After I’ve finished my weekly goal, I always try to reward myself with a snack or something fun. Lately the desired treat has been chocolate chip muffins

Once I’ve hit the goal and am no longer writing, I tend not to pick it up again until the next week because my brain thinks ‘well anything I write now won’t count to my immediate goals, so why bother?’ even though logically it’ll mean less of these sessions in the future. I do usually get at least 1100 words each week though, and I’d say my average is around 1200-1500, so I’m not too worried about that. I don’t mind so much if this all takes me a long time, it’s all for fun anyway

[ramcharantitties]

Rangrez

Chapter 5: Police Police

"Huzoor, there is a police officer to meet you"

Phatto didn't raise her head to see, she didn't wish to meet Waheeda's fate. Mallika's eyes trailed to Zulfikar. Didn't they finally buried the case? Zulfikar sits up and nods at the younger woman, who makes her way to see the officer.

"We've got a phone call from Delhi, asking about Kainat. Do you want us to tell them the truth?"

Delhi? Mallika wasn't expecting Kainat to be there of all places. She thought hard about it. Kainat's nawab did come back, asking where she is. But Mallika was able to manipulate and send them back saying that the girl is theirs now, doesn't matter what she does. Kainat managed to escape from this hellhole, and as much as Mallika hated her, she didn't want Kainat to come back to Heeramandi. Also because Mallika didn't want Kainat to probe the Rehana's death scene. Mallika knew Fareedan and Kainat were close.

"No, she's happy where she is. She has no relations with Heeramandi whatsoever"

Waheeda stayed rooted to her spot, salty tears burning the newly made wound on her cheek. It should have been her.

_

"Police?" Akhtar was amused.

"You never know, what if she is only faking and using you?"

"You need to start believing people"

"Akhtar, do you really think I was going to trust just anyone?"

"She's just a young girl who escaped from her toxic family. What if they found she's here and will take her back?"

When the dinner was being served, Kainat saw Ram and Akhtar in a deep conversation, as of Ram broke their sacred knot. Not wanting to interrupt, Kainat waited until the dinner was served. As Ram and Akhtar made their way to the dining area, Kainat pulled Akhtar in a corner, showing a bracelet to him.

"What is this?"

Kainat places the yellow band, adorned with orange and red designs in Akhtar's palm. A doe eyes Akhtar showed plain confusion on his face. Kainat giggled, showing a matching band on her wrist too. "I got us matching bands as a token of appreciation. Akhtar bhaiya, if I wouldn't have met you that day, I'd probably be dead by now" Kainat's words melted Akhtar like ghee on flame. He cupped her cheek, taking the band from her.

A call from Ammi broke Akhtar and Kainat from their intimacy, hurrying them for dinner. Everyone sat down, passing and serving dishes.

"I am thinking of starting a dance class to earn money." Kainat announced, earning voices of appreciation. "Do you know how to dance?" It was only Ram, with a question hooked like fish on his tongue. "I do, in fact, my sisters has taught me ever since I was a child" Kainat amused. The same anxiety came back in her gut when thinking about Rehana.

"She's such a nice girl, so cultured and educated, such sincere. And you were calling Lahore, asking the polic-" a tight grip on Akhtar's bicep stopped him from saying further. A pin drop silence casted on familiar faces, staring at the young men. "Police?" Kainat's words fainted.

"Uh, well we had to confirm if-"

"I'm lying or not?" Kainat's tone was justified. "I wouldn't have mind if you did this weeks ago when we met, Mr. Ramaraju. But now? What's the point of it?" Ram sighed. "And you knew?" Kainat turned to Akhtar now. "I just got to know, I asked the same thing" Akhtar's voice faulted- whom to choose? His Anna or sister? Ram gave him a side eye for not defending him, but Akhtar wasn't entirely to blame. "We were just cautious since there are so many revolutionaries and-"

"Fine, go on. But Lahore? You called Lahore? What if my family finds out and comes back?" Akhtar's head whipped at Ram at super speed. Ram gaped and didn't say anything. Kainat didn't want to ruin everyone's dinner. She stood up from her seat, followed by Akhtar, who whispered a faint "I told you so". Before leaving, she turned around one last time, tears welling in her eyes. "Even if I was a delinquent, what if I wanted to change my whole life and that's why I came here? Would you have let me live with my new found family if you found I have an ill past?"

Ram stayed rooted on his seat, silent like soil. Meanwhile, Akhtar's parents exchanged looks. Police? Ram should have at least talked to someone first before doing this. Kainat stormed off that night, not eating her dinner.

The next morning, Ram visits the police station again, searching for his answer. He has seen various kind of criminals- stubborn, rude, kind and even innocent. And some manipulative. Ram believed Kainat was one of those, who has wrapped her amarbel around Akhtar's family so she could flourish. No matter how many emotional dramas she does, Ram was set to find the truth.

Ram stepped in the police station, making his way to the same constable. Upon seeing Ram's face, the constable pulled out a sheet of paper- that concluded the talk he had with Lahore police. Ram's eyes skimmed over the conversation, and for some reason, his face fell. Did he want her to have a bad past?

"They said that she has no criminal record, and is not related to Heeramandi either". Ram's eyebrows furrowed at the last statement. "Not related to Heeramandi?" He asked, giving the sheet back to the constable. The old constable nodded. "Heeramandi is a bazaar where tawaifs live, it's pretty well known. Seems like the woman you're after, she's a clean chit." Ram nodded, and left the police station. He has some mending to do.

Ram met Akhtar after leaving the police station. He told Akhtar about it, only to receive silent glares from him. "Go and apologize to her" Akhtar said, skipping a stone in the lake. "I didn't do anything wrong" Ram skipped another stone. It drowned on the second skip. "She didn't say it was wrong to do her background check. She said you didn't trust her for so long. And that you called Lahore" Akhtar skipped another stone. 5 skips. Ram held the flat stone in his hand, and looked up at Akhtar.

_____________________________________

Tagging: @ramayantika @vijayasena @jkdaddy01 @yehsahihai @lilliebeingdelulu @definitelyhim @starlight-1010 @panikk-attackkk @multifandom-boss-bitch @jeniniie

[bridgetoesoteria]

🔮Quickie Read: Pick an Oracle Card🔮

Short & sweet read. Just going to see what comes out. Numbers correlate with piles.

(Psst! I'm going to split the readings so the post isn't ridiculously long. Piles 1-3 on this post).

Hope it resonates!🤍

Using Mystic Misfits Oracle Deck + Playing Cards

Pile 1

Spread: 10 of Spades, The Joker + Lovers (Oracle)

You may be holding onto something you need to let go of. I am getting that it is some kind of loss or a sense of loss. You might have had to let go of a person in some way, whether that was through breaking up or physical loss.

I'm not saying "let go" in an invalidating, trivializing way. "Process" would have been a better term. Its like you are paused in the grief/regret stage. Wishing for what no longer is. The skull has a tiny little star on its head. It made me think of the star card in tarot. Healing. You could have to let someone, or something, go that you hoped to see improve. You have a lot of history. This could be related to struggling with mental health.

The movie Lovely Bones came to mind. I am not suggesting to watch it. Its not a pleasant movie and may trigger some people. But iykyk. Perhaps something about this movie is meaningful?

TL;DR: If you are struggling with grief, mental health, or anything else. Please tell someone you trust. Ask for help with processing whatever events you are dealing with.

Pile 2

Spread: 5 of Clubs, Jack of Diamonds + Fairy (Oracle)

When I'm reading playing cards I never know whether I should consider jacks as pages or knights. So I just think of them as both and go with the energy I feel. This one feels more knight-y...

(Probably) y'all rn 🤣🤣:

Okay, let me stop trolling. Yes, this jack feels like more of a knight of pentacles. So a lot of you could be on the younger side or just really youthful. You could be used to being looked as childish or childlike. You could like to joke a lot and not take things too seriously and that may be getting you in trouble in some way. Maybe you feel like you might need to "grow up," in some way and you are wrestling with what that truly means.

Or, you could have gotten into a disagreement with a youngish masculine. Maybe your personalities don't always mesh. I don't think this will be romantic for all of you. I actually feel like it is a platonic or familial for many of you.

For both scenarios, give the situation time to calm down. If you want to reconcile with someone, don't be impulsive about it. You should probably send something sincere, thoughtful, and as "too the point" as you can get it. Depending on your situation, you may even want to meet up. If this is more about you making decisions for your future. Again, don't do anything impulsive. Move at your own pace. Embrace who you are while remaining open to who you can become.

TL;DR: If you are feeling pressure to "grow up," take a breath and make the decision when you are less conflicted. Its possible to stay true to yourself and open to change. If you are butting heads with someone else, give things time to settle then send a sincere message/peace offering.

Pile 3

Spread: 7 of Spades, Ace of Diamonds + Sun (Oracle)

Right away, if you are wondering if a certain person is lying to you or in someway being duplicitous...you're probably right. For some of you, I feel like there is a feminine energy that is burning with jealousy. Some possible reasons that come to mind:

Run-of-the-mill hatin' ass hoe

Thinks you stole her man

Thinks you stole her "position"

Like...sis is mad mad. And they are willing to try and sabotage a new beginning, opportunity, or offer for you. If this isn't someone else, this could be how you are feeling toward another person. You could feel like they get all the spotlight.

If you're winning right now, keep it to yourself. There are def haters in your energy. They don't see you as celebrating your wins when you talk about them, they see you as bragging. If you aren't telling them directly, they know somehow and think that you are on a pedestal and haaate it. Be careful about saboteurs. Loose lips sink ships besties!!

TL;DR: Mad haters around so keep your business to yourself. Not everyone is happy to see you do well and they are willing to so something about it (as in sabotage your success). For others, you are the one doing the "hating," and may view someone as a rival in some way. Don't let this hate consume you. You are great and have much to offer too <3

~ K

[fantasyquests]

Rewatching Season 1: Some thoughts on episode 7

1. Friendship. This episode feels very true to the spirit of Tolkien's works because of the strong emphasis it places on friendship: Durin and Elrond, Nori and the Stranger, and an interesting new friendship that is forged between Galadriel and Theo. It's also important that in all of these cases it is a friendship between members of different races of Middle Earth. Durin and Nori find themselves in almost identical situations, going off-trail to help their friend who is an outsider, except that this time Nori's community is more sympathetic and supports her decision.

The exchange between Theo and Galadriel is wonderful, and reveals so much about both of them. I frankly don't understand people who complain that the pacing is too slow - as far as I'm concerned, the entire episode could have been just Theo and Galadriel walking and talking! It's also interesting to juxtapose the image of Theo holding the hilt of a real sword (the one that Galadriel gives him), to the previous episodes where he held the hilt key, and was tempted by the forces of darkness. A part of Theo's desire for empowerment is quite understandable for a boy his age, who wants to be recognized as a grown-up individual, and I'm glad that Galadriel gives him this recognition. Unlike Bronwyn, who asked him to stay in the tavern with children and old men during the orcs' attack, Galadriel calls him a soldier. Not because war is a good thing (she says explicitly that it is not), but because she recognizes his need to fight for himself.

I don't understand why Galadriel believes that she is to blame for losing the war against the orcs? Even if she hadn't convinced the Numenoreans to come to the Southlands, the outcome would have still been the same, Mordor would have been created the same way, and probably many more people would have died. At least the Numenoreans were there to save some lives, help evacuate villages and take care of the survivors.

2. Ashes, destiny and faith. In this episode we have two communities struggling to rise from the ashes and come to terms with what they have lost: the Southlanders after the eruption of the volcano, and Harfoots after the Mystics have burned their caravan. Interestingly, ashes are also mentioned in the speech that King Durin gives to his son. He says that fire is that aspect of the dwarven nature which tells them that everything is eventually consumed and "fades to ashes". The speech is meant to convince prince Durin that the Elves' destiny is already determined, that they either have to fade and die in Middle Earth or sail back to Valinor. He talks about believing in the design of the Valar, and it's quite similar to what Galadriel tells Theo: "We have little choice but to trust their designs, and surrender our own." "My home is gone", says Theo. "Where is the design in that?" This question is relatable for anyone in our world who has wondered the same thing - how do you keep faith in some benevolent higher power when terrible things happen to you and your community?

Galadriel replies, "I cannot yet see it", which I think is a better and more humble attitude than that of King Durin, who believes he understands clearly the will of gods. The motif of sight, foresight, or insight, is another one which permeates the entire episode, which is called "The Eye", which begins with Galadriel opening her eye after the volcano explosion, and in which Miriel goes blind. "The Eye" also makes us think about the Eye of Sauron: what if he is overseeing everything and it is his design, and not the design of the Valar?

Links to the previous analyses: ep 1 ep 2 ep 3 ep 4 ep 5 ep 6

[mewmewpercy]

Hello there! Recently I saw your reblog regarding the hoyoverse boycott about whether we should play continuing playing Genshin or not. That same twt user made a thread about how will it no longer participate make any twts about the boycott and how disappointed they are with the boycott is failing.

https://x.com/KinichCEO/status/1823430343157780740?t=uus6sG-A30Vw44EET-rlqQ&s=19

While I can understand their reasoning I feel like they are still missing out some key details.

For example with the upcoming Captain American movie coming out the BDS wants everyone to boycott everything thats related to Marvel/Disney in order to remove Captain Israel or Sabra from the movie. As of right now I haven't watch a single Marvel or Disney media since the release of Sabra but that doesn't mean I can still like and enjoy Spiderverse and the only merch that I have bought that is Marvel related are usually from artists who are selling their own merchandise. Not something from official Marvel/Disney

Like you said it's hard to boycott a gacha game and the only way you can do that is by attacking their main income. Which is why many encourage to be f2p. What many fail to realize is that idea that hotoverse game has a BIG community of whalers. When in reality that only a small community many do not have that privilege on having a c6 5 star. I have been a f2p since the 2nd Lantern rite and I only spent money on the game on 2 characters out of 13 chatacter that I won by saving

Aiya you bring up a very good point I've forgotten. You can very much like a product and hate the creator.

The idea that every hoyo gamer is a whale has to be the product of youtubers. They have the privilege to spend money the average player can't. A lot of players are young and jobless. A lot of players don't think spending on games is necessary. I play star rail f2p and the only reason I have very few limiteds is because of the lack of interesting male characters or the unfortunate timing of reruns. I feel like it's an unfair assessment to assume an entire playerbase spends thousands because a loud minority does.

Back on the like the product hate the maker idea though. I like music from genshin and star rail. I won't deny that. I also enjoy many character trailers. Am I inherently a terrible racist because I enjoy products made by a shitty company? No. No I am not. Maybe I'll use less than ideal routes of enjoying them to avoid profiting the company instead. Maybe I'd rather commend the work of entire other teams of people separate from the higher ups that are most likely the issue. I've stopped liking content. I don't look at all the art posted. I download whatever I deem useful off the tiktok pages and share with people who play to avoid them getting even a cent extra.

The 5.0 program is supposed to be Friday. Normally I watch them or scrub through vods. I'm not even bothering because I'd rather engage with fans reposting the info than looking at the source. Most of my enjoyment stems from fans anyways and I'm always subject to spoilers about 20 times day of so why bother?

All in all people generalise these games players way too damn much because they assume what they hear loud youtubers say is true for everyone. They assume everyone is dropping hundreds or thousands of dollars. They assume people even spend a dime on refreshes or welkin or small amounts of currency.

People also act like you should be burned at the stake for daring to enjoy things. I can enjoy game lore and music without enjoying the rare time I could be represented being full of races not even close to mine and all white in game. I can say yea I do enjoy someone's trailer and still think they deserve melanin. I don't support the company I support the workers trying their damndest to do what they can to represent cultures.

Just because people play doesn't mean they aren't boycotting and it's a dick move to try and push people to quit or be hella negative just because some loud people say they'll spend. People who whale have decided to skip entirely. People who barely spend went f2p. Even f2p players are debating skipping banners or only pulling on a few. The community dividing over shitty assumptions will be the reason we fail not because people play without paying.

[lacrymatoryao3]

Redemption Was Just The Beginning

Chapter 11: January, 1900 (Continued)

[1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10]

To the world, Arthur Morgan is dead. As he tries to face the idea, in a lush valley in Ambarino he comes face to face with a woman from his past, and they must reckon with an era long gone. Especially when she has secrets of her own.

(Rated explicit simply because eventually there’s smut in this.)

Tag: @photo1030

2,471 Words (AO3 Link)

Arthur had never seen Mr. O’Hogan with a gun until the morning helping him get the wagon and draft horses out of the storage. He didn’t doubt his conviction taking the children and dealing with the problem at hand, but he didn’t expect he’d do it armed. It was just a standard Cattleman, though customized to have bundles of four leafed clovers carved onto the grip and metal in a greenish-black matte. O’Hogan bragged about getting it in a cock fighting bet when he was fresh off the boat in New York City. Arthur wasn’t even sure he could shoot the thing, but he was proud to show it off anyway.

The children were pleased with the new novelty. The older ones assisted the younger ones board from the back. Arthur closed the hatch and latched it before they pulled off. He and Ana followed them on their horses through the town. Amusingly and unsurprisingly, more local children ended up in the wagon.

“Don’t let too many on, Mr. O’Hogan!” Ana teased, “We can’t be having that break!”

At the school Ana and Mr. O’Hogan went to speak with Miss Svensson. Arthur watched from a distance. He wished once again he had the opportunity to go to one like that, interact with other children that didn’t relate to fighting other street kids for resources. His boy was so very lucky.

His boy… Their boy…

He heard Ana laugh. It was a sweet sound, like chiming far off in the distance. She looked truly radiant, a breath of life in her bright red mantle cape among the dead and monochrome landscape. He could hardly wait for the summer. To see her in her bright dresses. He hoped she still wore some of the ones she used to. He felt a pressure in his chest. An admiring longing that came close to overwhelming him, just to get off his horse and wrap his arms around her waist. He wanted to rest his chin on the top of her head, even though it could crush the hat pinned into her hair. He craved to make those around them know she was his. He needed her to be again. He would, at some point. They just needed the time alone, where they can express things freely without interruption.

Arthur took a deep breath once the bell began to toll. When Ana rejoined him, he didn’t let her get on Enrique by herself. He had to touch her in some way, if only just to sate himself. There was a slight confusion in Ana’s eyes. It was brief as he lifted her into her saddle, changing into a bashful smile. It made Arthur’s heart jump. Even in the cold, he felt warm.

They parted ways with Mr. O’Hogan and went to a building that doubled as the town’s court and meeting house, where the only lawyer there had an office. Arthur wandered around the building while Ana had the papers drawn up. It certainly was a long affair, over an hour before she was done. At least Ana knew what she needed, he would have been helpless in all that legal business. After that they had to stop at the bank to get the money. There he stood close to her at the window, staying vigilant when they handed her a wallet with the immense amount she requested. Arthur could barely believe a ranch could cost that much, or if she was going over value just to entice the Millers to get the hell out.

The route to where the Millers dwelt was one of near total desolation. Cain Valley abruptly ended in the north, becoming the wild landscape of Grizzlies East with only a barely identifiable trail with faded indentations of wagon wheels and horse hooves in the snow. Arthur inhaled the glacial air that burned his throat. For a moment he was once again wandering like he had done for so many years, in the savage and untamed land devoid of human beings. He was home, his old home, his true home. It was a bittersweet comfort, a warm embrace from somebody familiar that he hadn’t seen in a long time. He also considered if it held something different for Ana. What had she felt when she left him so young, pregnant, and alone?

For most of the ride Arthur stared at her. She was so quiet beside him, focused on every possible outcome to their mission turning simultaneously in her head. The sun’s beams that broke through the endless swaths of trees glowed around her, angelic on her skin. He didn’t notice they were close until she slowed Enrique. He looked to see the ranch up ahead. The property seemed to be a promising place, with a good swath of land that could be used for grazing and farming. However, in its current state it was a run down and dilapidated blight on the picturesque landscape.

“You sure this is the right place?” Arthur asked, just about convinced it was abandoned.

“Oh it is, trust me.” Ana said, “Be on your guard. You never know what this idiot will do.”

They crossed the crumbling fence line. As they hitched the horses, Eugene Miller barreled out of his shabby house holding a rusted bolt action rifle. He was a man of average height, and would have had an average build if it wasn’t for the pot belly that made him look like he was in the advanced stages of pregnancy. His graying hair and beard were long and incredibly unkempt. His nose was so wide it didn’t fit his red blotched face from over imbibing in alcohol. A very distinctive feature on the otherwise mediocre man was a great long scar that started at his forehead and ran down to one of the corners of his lip. Something else caught Arthur’s attention. Tucked underneath Miller’s wrinkled shirt collar was a knotted dark yellow bandana.

I’ve seen that before… Arthur thought, quickly pushing Ana behind him and hovering his hand over the grip of his pistol. He would have immediately drawn, if not for Miller’s wife who soon ran out after him. She was a homely woman, extremely thin in frame and face and resembled a chicken turned into a person. She also looked older than she was, a natural occurrence being married to such a hateful brute.

“What the hell are you doing on my land, greaser?” Miller bellowed in a heavy Southern accent like the ones Arthur was surrounded by during his mostly miserable tenure in Lemoyne.

All his wife had to do was move away from him. Then Arthur could have gotten a clean shot, but all she did was turn it into a tense stand off until Ana stepped out from Arthur’s shadow closer to the house.

“Hospitable as always, Mr. Miller.” Ana said calmly, waving the envelope of papers, “I’ve come with a business proposal I think would interest you.”

Miller glared at her and then scoffed, “Proposal! Damn big word for a something that can barely speak English! You even know what a dollar is?”

The tips of Arthur’s ears started to burn in fury. His fingers twitched, watching how Ana and Miller were reacting, ready at any indication of threat. Ana’s posture didn’t change. She simply made a lopsided, disdainful smirk.

“Mr. Miller, I am interested in purchasing your property. The current value for an acre is $20 each. You have, what, 100 acres?” She continued, “That would be an even $2,000 total. I’m willing to pay that and an extra $1,000.”

Miller squinted incensed at her, a fury growing in his gaze. His wife, on the other hand, seemed a lot more excited about the offer. She grasped her husband’s shoulder and whispered to him, “Eugene! We could use that to move near to Zachariah when he starts seminary!”

It caused a hissing argument between them, Miller turning his ire to her, “Quiet, woman!”

“Please, Eugene. The lady’s offering a generous sum.” Miller’s wife pressed, “We weren’t supposed to stay here this long anyway. It was just a stop while we waited for Lindsay to–”

“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT IT!” Miller whispered louder. He gripped his rifle harder in agitation, “You know goddamn well no amount of fancy clothes or white men’s money would make her a lady! You’re stupid for even considering it!”

Ana stifled her indignant laugh. The insolent bastard, of course he would make things hard, “If not now, I do ask you consider. The offer will stand for as long as you need it. I will gladly give you time to discuss it with your wife.”

Milled turned to Ana and replied, “I don’t want any money from the likes of you, Juanita! Use it to go back to where you belong.”

Ana shrugged and patted Arthur to let him know she was finished, “You know where to reach me when you’re ready. Good day, Mr. Miller.”

As Ana went to her horse she heard Miller mutter something and the clicking of the rifle having a bullet loaded into its chamber. There was an explosion, but it didn’t sound like it came from it. Still, she dropped to the ground and sought cover.

Arthur stayed where he stood when Ana started walking away. The way she implied they’d eventually sell to her, when they were ready, made Miller boil over. Lifting his rifle, Miller mumbled “you uppity little whore!” before loading it and pointing it at her. For Arthur, time seemed to slow. He didn’t register that he pulled his pistol from the holster, only the world around him drained of color until everything was a dull yellow glow. He chose his target location, painting a red X over it in his mind’s eye. He aimed from his side and pulled the trigger. The bullet cut through Miller’s right shoulder, embedding into the house’s wood siding. Miller cried out in pain, dropping the rifle and falling to the porch as his wife began to scream at the sight of the blood running out onto his shirt.

“YOU NO GOOD SON OF A BITCH!” Miller shouted, “NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOU’LL BE SORRY!”

“Oh, I look forward to it, Mr. Miller.” Arthur walked up and took the rifle, tossing it across the yard he tipped his hat to Miller’s wife, “Sorry about that, ma’am. We’ll let the sheriff know when we get into town.”

Ana looked up from over a large stone. She stood up and got onto Enrique. Arthur soon joined her, patting her gently and making sure she was okay. He made her go in front of him, using himself as a shield in case Miller had another weapon hidden somewhere on him. He only got a portion of what the Millers were saying to each other. The wife mentioned a doctor, only for Miller to rebuff her. He heard the door slamming loudly and a defeated wife sigh “I knew this would happen”.

[*]-----[*]-----[*]-----[*]-----[*]

Arthur tossed and turned for a couple of hours. He couldn’t quiet his thoughts. Not even his journal was much of a comfort. He kept playing a game of ‘what if?’ with himself that was beginning to drive him mad.

He imagined if Ana had gone there alone. What a terrifying thought. As far as anyone would know that she simply disappeared. He imagined if anyone but him going with her, unable to draw as quickly as he could. Would they have survived the encounter? Then, there was the horror of his own human failings. Despite it already being in the past, if he hadn’t reacted the second he did Ana would have been shot. Just the idea of that was unforgivable. Even worse, she could have been killed.

It wouldn’t just be him who would be lost without her. The Liangs, the Johnsons, the O’Hogans… With the world they lived in, so full of hatred and prejudices, it was unlikely they’d have the opportunities Ana had given them elsewhere. There was also the most important question – who would have taken care of their Arthur Francisco? He didn’t know Arthur was the father he wondered about in his life. His closest kin lived all the way in Saint Denis. There was a chance if something happened, he’d never see that boy again.

A jolt of panic coursed through Arthur’s body like he was struck by lightning. He rushed out of his bedroom. The quiet and darkness of the house seemed to mock the state he was in, the boards of the stairs sounded like laughter to him as he ascended them. His reason came back when he was holding onto Ana’s doorknob. He was struck by how indecent he was, just in his union suit and about to burst into a woman’s chamber while she was undressed. They had seen plenty more of each other before, but it still didn’t feel proper. She was probably already asleep! Why couldn’t he just let it go?

He took a deep breath and steeled himself, softly entering the room. Like he expected, Ana was sleeping. She seemed to have been reading a book before drifting off. It still rested open on her breast. He sat down on the edge of her bed, carefully taking it putting on the table beside her. He took in her face in the flickering kerosene lamp. Despite what happened she was so serene. He wished desperately he was able to do the same, reaching over and stroking the waves of her hair that haloed her peaceful face. He leaned down and rested his forehead onto hers, taking her in.

Ana had known he was there the whole time. His presence engulfed her. Strong, protective, calming. Her eyes fluttered open.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Yeah…” Arthur croaked, “Just… Checkin’ in on you.”

Of course. That was the closest he was going to get to him being vulnerable, and she accepted that much.

“I’m fine, for the most part.” Ana said, pulling the blankets away from the other side of her bed. She patted the mattress, “Come on.”

Arthur hesitated, “You sure…? I don’t… You don’t need to do that…”

Ana didn’t let him move from his place until he crawled over her and laid beside her. They both turned so they were facing each other. She smiled, running her thumb along the scars on his chin. He could almost melt at her touch.

“We need to tell the boy, Ana.” Arthur blurted out, “Sooner than later, after all this.”

Ana nodded, “I agree.”

They shifted closer together. Arthur wrapped his arms around Ana. Suddenly, things made sense. He felt like he was where he was supposed to be and he was tranquil enough to finally close his eyes.

[polaroidbills]

reciprocate.

genre! - angst angst angst, little fluff, slice of life, unrequited love

synopsis! - a story about how love isn't always perfect. about how everything ends up in tears but not always sad ones. love isn't always what your mind makes it out to be. it's full of downs, not just ups. it isn't always meant to be.

warnings! - not proof read, made at like 3 a.m, one kiss, mention of heart stabbing (lmk if i missed anything)

word count! - 1 368

author's note! - i relate so much to the main character, it's embarrassing. (minus the boyfriend part)

choi beomgyu. a classmate of mine. known as the popular, all-rounder, it boy of the 8th grade. many most would describe him as charming, attractive, funny, nice, smart, etc.

i remember the first time i laid eyes on him. his features sharp, hair framing his face, and his proportions unbelievably perfect. immediately i knew. i told myself to not fall and to force myself to look somewhere else. but i couldn't.

everyday i saw him again and again. i fell deeper and deeper, more and more. i couldn't stop myself. but i knew he never saw me as anything. i was just like every other girl. in fact, he probably doesn't even know i exist.

it was crushing my heart. to see him everytime he rakes through his hair or laughs at a friends joke. it hurt to know he could never reciprocate the same feelings.

one sided.

that's all it was. unrequited. if only he did reciprocate.

all those nights i couldn't sleep, i was busy. busy thinking about him and how it would be if he liked me back. if he noticed me.

but no. it could never happen. he's way out of my league. he's a 10, i'm a 5. we don't even belong in the same room.

as time went by my feelings grew. the school year is almost done. we're about to graduate. my feelings from the start of the year never left. i feel the same way. if not worse. i like him a lot more than before.

we ultimately end up going to the same school. and over the summer i work on myself. of course not only for him, but for me. if i think i look good maybe he will too.

i've changed over the break. from a 5 to i's say an 8.

as i walk through to doors and immediately spot him. choi beomgyu. talking to his friends. smiling and laughing.

i haven't even told my friend about him. about how i have a fat crush on him.

in class he sits next to me? since when did he know i existed? am i finally getting noticed now that i've worked on myself?

"hey."

"hi?"

"y/n right? you've changed," he exclaims shocked.

"oh yeah," i laugh. "can i help you?"

"i don't think we've ever really talked much. i want to get to know you more."

oh. the choi beomgyu wants to get to know me?

"you're friends with minji right?"

"oh yeah she's my best friend."

minji. kim minji. she's been my best friend since the 1st grade. she's everything i wish to be. pretty, smart, caring, energetic, happy, and so much more. all guys go to her. and what's worse guys only come to me to get close to her.

"what about her?"

"i was wondering if you could tell me what she likes? like does she like tulips or roses? dark or milk chocolate?"

oh. not surprised, but definitely disappointed. who am i to think the choi beomgyu would want to actually get to know me? of course he's interested in minji, who just happens to be my best friend.

"you know what why don't you just come with me to the mall? i want to make sure i get exactly what minji wants."

"oh uh okay?"

i mean sometimes, well most of the times, i glanced at beomgyu, he was looking at her. he's definitely shown interest in her multiple times, but i've just realized it now.

from that day, my heart ached and ached. it's like never ending heart burn. like someone stabs me in the heart everytime i see them together or hear them.

minji only ever really talks about beomgyu, and how amazing he and his dates are. even beomgyu comes to me sometimes, but never to actually talk to me or get to know me. no. but only to rant about how beautiful and perfect minji is. minji this, minji that.

doesn't he think i already know? out of the dozen times she's been chosen over me?

as fays go by my body and heart numb. it's like someone's put numbing cream on me and the effects never left me. one week ago me would've teared up everytime beomgyu or minji talked about each other. but present me just smiles and nods, tuning out the voices and words.

over the time me and beomgyu's friends got closer. to the point where i hang out and yalk to them more than minji. it's like they've replaced minji and i've replaced beomgyu. they don't even hang out with beomgyu much anymore. minji and beomgyu are too occupied with each other to keep around others. they're inseparable.

yeonjun and i are closer than the others but we all tolerate each other. ha.

the more i spend time with him and the other guys, the more i can forget sbout minji and beomgyu. the more i can feel and the more i can stop occupying my mind with him.

and just like that a 9-year friendship flushed down the toilet. and just like that a fat crush disappears like magic.

yeonjun and i have gone on dozens of one-on-one 'dates'. he's a great guy. a perfect guy. he's everything i've wanted and needed but more. words can't describe how much i like him.

but does he feel the same way? does he reciprocate these feelings?

it's been almost a year since the incident. a few months since i've talked to or hung out with beomgyu or minji. in fact i've never been happier. the feeling is unmatched.

i've healed. i've moved on. finally.

yeonjun and i are going on a date. i don't know where he's taking me though.

"don't look yet, we're almsot there," yeonjun's hand in mine and eyes closed he leads the way.

"okay open."

i flutter my eyes open and a beautiful view fills my vision. we're at the spot we had our first date. a hill in a field filled with greenery, sunlight, and flowers. i gaze down at the picnic blanket and basket set up.

"come sit down and eat. my mom heped me make tempura shrimp sushi. your favourite," he signals for me to sit.

"mm it's really good," i manage to say with a mouth full of sushi.

"woah calm down there's plenty more sushi for you," he laughs. the most beautiful laugh ever.

after the meal i lay down to gaze at the sky. and yeonjun follows beside me.

"i can't believe you remember this spot."

"of course i would, it was our first date," he smiles.

"y/n."

"yeah?"

"there's something i need to tell you."

my heart pounds. nervousness fills my frame.

"i like you. so much. ever since the 8th grade. but i knew you liked beomgyu. i understand if you don't fell the same way. but please y/n i just need clarity. do you or do you not like me back?"

the relief. the weight lifted from my shoulders. a sigh leaving my airway. finally.

"yeonjun of course i feel the same way. i like you too," my smiles grows more and more.

"will you be my girlfriend?"

"finally. i thought i was gonna have to ask you myself. i would love to be your girlfriend."

he brings me in for a kiss. a kiss filled with passion and love.

i mean don't get me wrong, it was no one's fault. not mine, not beomgyu's, nor minji's fault. it was just never meant to be. we weren't made for each other.

beomgyu's a great guy. attractive, smart, kind and more. but in the end we both were never supposed to be together. in the end we cry tears of joy and happiness.

to this day we still keep in touch, though we're now in university. minji and i too. we've hung out and bonded a lot. i've even come clean about my crush on him back in highschool and we laughed upon the memory. it no longer bothers me. because finally. finally i've found the one. one that feels the same. a love so strong, nothing can break the bond. a love that is requited.

someone that does reciprocate.

@1-800-143 please DO NOT copy, plagiarize, or repost any of my work.

[cicaklah]

fic author q&a

thank you @the-lady-general for tagging me, I love to procrastinate by doing stuff like this.

1. Why do you write fanfic?

because my brain is a relentless what-if machine and it can't be stopped or tamed. If I wasn't writing it down I'd be losing time just thinking about it, trust me, its far better this way.

and because I love writing, love the fic community, and just love creativity. I've been reading fic literally every single day since I was 11 or 12 and I'm now 38. I'm passionate about the fic writing world and my experience in the 'conventional' writing space has been nothing but anxiety, inferiority and bitterness.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

I don't tend to feel like that about my stories, because I am always up to write sequels or prequels to things, or add stuff onto various universes. I still think often about weibermacht, which is the name of the sex club in my Hitman stories, and one day I will write a proper weibermacht story, but the reason I still think about stories is because they aren't properly finished. I also think a lot about the watch me series because I feel guilty that I never finished it. I have at least another 3 stories in various stages of writing.

I'm planning on doing a WIP amnesty next year (once One Man is finished), and I'm hoping that it will get me to finish some of these things I want to return to, but haven't since.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

Use the momentum of being really into something to make more art. Write as much fic as you can, and don't let guilt catch up with you. It doesn't matter if it sucks; you have to love it, and if you love it in the moment, you are going in the right direction.

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

As a professional sort-of statistician I adore them, I wish there were more of them, specifically available over time, and also the number of subscriptions to series would help me as someone who writes in that way. BUT: comparison is the thief of joy. My big fic-related breakdown was over constantly comparing myself to the people I thought were my peers. Stats don't tell you why you aren't doing better than someone, and I know from my profession that you can't just assume things from numbers.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I miss Stormpilot (Finn/Poe) circa 2017. What a beautiful time. It will never come again, even if we got something to make the ship sail again, the world has changed.

6. What motivates you to write?

Much like the lady general, I am motivated by wanting to tell jokes, or by specific ideas that enter my brain and won't let go. I am motivated to keep going on one man because there are specific stories I need to share with the rest of the class, but I must tell the rest of the story in order to get there. The journey is the point, but so is the punchline.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

Star Trek, specifically SNW, is my current blorbo, so I write for myself and my id on that one. Hitman is for the thirsty thirteen and because its OTP. Oxventure is...complicated. I am so very burned out on that fandom. Super Secret RPF pairing is because of my co-conspirators <3. I've also written way, way too many things because Phoenix and I have talked about them and I've then be POSSESSED.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

As long as I'm still interested in the project, I do my best to push through. I have the philosophy that a story doesn't really exist until it is published anyway. I do have an abandoned WIP folder, and within that is a folder called 'look I'm never writing these ones'. There are 12 stories in that folder. Meanwhile there are 134 I have yet to give up on, not including the 4 that are currently in progress (not including one man.)

Basically I need another WIP amnesty.

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

They really are the fuel on the fire. I have finished stories because of comments. I have written entire worlds because of comments. I do my best to answer every single comment, and I try to also leave comments as much as I can. At the same time, I have to, for my own sanity, try not to put too much stock in them, because we have to be self-fuelling machines, we have to be self-raising lazaruses. You have to write for yourself, because if you base everything on other people's opinions, you will die nobody.

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

I think the question I'd like to ask is what is your personal greatest fic achievement? Not your most popular story, what was the story that you still look at and go: I will never not be proud of that achievement. Mine is the fact I have published 750,000 words and 130 stories and I still feel like I'm only just getting started. That the perseverance over the last 14 years proves that I can do whatever I set my mind to, that I am valuable in a way that matters, and all the doubters of my youth can go fuck themselves forever.

I'm tagging @postalninja, @stickthisbig, @android-and-ale and @alienfuckeronmain and anyone else who wants to do it. lets navel gaze, lads.

[blogger-yura]

Entry #50 Aug 25th '23

#YurasLife #FoodFriday #Food #Cooking #Recipes

𝐅𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 - 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐞𝐬 (lava cake)

*contact Yura for removal of any food related posts taglist

Hello, hello, my sweet darlings! Happy Friday to all of you! How has the week treated y'all? Are we excited for the weekend? Any fun plans ahead? If not, then I have the perfect recipe for you to try~. (・ω・)

It's been a while since I've last shared a recipe, hasn't it? I just haven't had time to actually be in the kitchen and try new stuff. But! I made myself time. I missed baking, making treats for my friends and myself, too! And so I dug on the internet until I found the perfect dessert.

Don't you hate it when you go to your favorite restaurant, that hasn't changed their menu in forever, and suddenly, your favorite choco treat isn't there anymore?

This recipe, while not entirely mine, is a mix of a few different ones I found and liked. Each had their own characteristic little thing, and so I mixed it all up to put together the Ultimate Lava Cake ! ＼(^_^)／

Mind you, the recipe is not exact as it is a mix of many– just make sure to use cups the same size for measurements, and you'll be fine!

If you like cooking, and chocolate, and are a lava cake enthusiast– believe me, you'll love this.

Prep: 15min - Cook: 12-15, check your oven! - Level: Medium, but very simple! - Makes: 4 servings!

Ingredients-

▪︎170gr semi-sweet chocolate ▪︎1/2 cup unsalted butter

▪︎2 full eggs + 2 egg yolks ▪︎Tea spoon of vanilla extract

▪︎1/4 cup confectioners' sugar (can also use granulated sugar- but confectioners gives it a special touch)

▪︎3 table spoon all-purpose flour ▪︎Pinch of salt ▪︎Cocoa powder

Optional-

▪︎For toppings, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, or whipped cream, or both!

Steps-

1- As always, we'll start preparing our ramekins and preheating the oven. Set your oven to 425F or medium heat, let it heat up steadily. Grease four 6-oz (or, 9cm diameter) ramekins with non-stick cooking spray and dust with cocoa powder! Tap out the excess so the cake bakes properly. This will help the lava cakes come out easily when inverted and prevent them from breaking!

2- Next up, melt the chocolate with the butter, chop and slice for faster melting! Can do it at the stove, medium heat on boiling water, or microwave it carefully, stopping every 15 to 20 seconds to prevent the chocolate from burning. Set aside to allow it to slightly cool.

3- We will then combine all the ingredients. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the eggs and egg yolks first, add then the sugar, vanilla extract, and salt until combined. Pour in the melted chocolate into the egg mixture, along with the flour– sieve if posible! Then, with a rubber spatula, fold it in until fully combined. Important, DO NOT whisk or mix on this step! The batter will be thick but should NOT be lumpy, that is because we are not using any liquid ingredients. It will be similar to brownie batter!

4- Finally, we'll bake it. Place the prepared ramekins on a baking pan and divide the batter between them. Bake for 12-14 minutes or until the edges look solid and firm. The tops will STILL be soft with a slight jiggle in the center.

Tip: When in doubt, it's always best to UNDER-BAKE. Worst case scenario, the lava cake will break when you take it out. Over-baking will just leave you with a solid choco cake.

5- Lasty, serve. You need to allow the lava cakes to cool in the ramekins for about 1 minute, then cover each with an inverted plate and use an oven mitt to flip them over and release the cakes onto the plate. If you try and flip them too hot, they WILL break. Add toppings and serve!

It's important to notice that lava cakes are really delicate and time sensitive. Test your oven heat and your patience with the first batch! Once you've gotten ahold of it, you'll see it's the easiest dessert ever~.

Now now, do you think you're up for the challenge? (⌒‐⌒) I'd love to see you all try and share your experience! Also, if there's any different way you do it and works, let me know!

I'll go now, need to prepare batter for tonight! I'll see you all around~.

Keep healthy and hydrated! All the love, my dears! -Yura ♡

💗: @clubwnderland [💙] @jinju-oc @moonlightchn @kimheebby @nana-n-nono @coffeexdreamcb @silcntxnight @livealittleoc-cb @minsour-r @multi-esme @urtwice @san-cb @reve-rv @domrachaa @oppositesattraxt @lunaaofthemoon @badbf-cb @thepatchedpaw @domxbot @the-hellhounds @monsterhigh-cb @theinvitation-bot @hwangroyaltycb @welcometosector1 @multi-joong @vanilladaises-rp @redlight-cb @theonesxcb @hybridsheltercb @beaconhillsxbot @yandereyeri @fallenangels-cb @shin-haneul

[jmdbjk]

The Astronaut.

I am just going to unfurl these thoughts as I listen to the song and lyrics and watch the video. So much symbolism in the video.

The spaceship crashed and Jin sitting there, watching it burn.

Is the spaceship the juggernaut that is BTS? BTS did crash into the world on debut and the world did not know what had been unleashed upon it at that time. Or is it life in general or time itself? Maybe it represents Jin, Jin’s life. 

Maybe it is life’s (many burdensome) obligations.

Time has gone by and Jin does puzzles (games) while waiting. Solving his puzzle involves adding words to represent the elements of his time with BTS and Army. “The planet is coming back soon.” The planet is BTS? The planet is home?

His room is full of little easter eggs. The guitar that Chris Martin gave to him. The Music of the Spheres album... posters of Coldplay, amongst other things. And Chris’ cameo appearance as the news anchor on tv...

Then he sees the signal (light beaming to the sky)...it’s time to go. He’s been waiting and is ready to answer the call.

His suit is slightly too small... he’s grown a little during the time he’s been waiting. Or he’s lost his original suit and had to borrow a new one? The cut of the black suit seems somewhat old-fashioned, and the color black is very conservative and also a color for mourning. Perhaps it represents something that is outdated... This is an intriguing detail. 

The little girl looks like international Army. And of course, because she represents us, she is adorable... I was going to guess her age but later in the video, I can tell her front teeth are growing in so she’s about 8.

He puts the helmet on her to keep her safe. Then he looks back at his home... jesus, I’m crying as I write this. 

And off he goes, running forward to his future, whatever is awaiting. Just like they’ve been doing all these years. 

That’s a nice neighborhood, I wonder if its a movie set or a real neighborhood somewhere. I am expecting a behind the scenes video of this MV at some point. I think the small town street scenes are for sure a movie set. There are a lot of those in California.

I love this image:

He is speeding to his future by himself. Sure of himself. Not afraid in the least bit.

And then he’s pushing the little girl off to ride by herself. She’s a little scared and doesn’t want him to let go.

As much as we don’t want to, we can do this, guys, we can do this by ourselves (omg the tears!)! WE HAVE TO DO THIS!

We will have to hold our photos (memories) close to us for a short time.

We are Jin’s universe.

When he gets back to the ship, it has settled into the environment and the trees have grown up around it...it’s been a long wait. 

And then it lifts off. The inevitable... life... time... obligations... whatever it represents, moving on as it does regardless. 

And the dude in the FORD truck that stops to pick him up. And Jin rides off into the sunset. For now.

The sign at the end... Tejon Ranch? If that’s what it says, that is north of Los Angeles. The scenery matches that location.

Last scene of the MV when he completes the word on the puzzle... F A M I L Y. 

We hear the bicycle bell and he rises to go see us. The anticipation on his face... (my god, how am I typing coherently at this point...)

I have a dumb question, at the start of the video, what does SBSM mean (appears at the bottom left of all the MVs)?

And this number in the yellow circle on the top right?

I can’t believe this song is almost 5 minutes long. I want it to be even longer. What a great song! I think it has great general pop appeal in that potentially non-Army/non-fans will like it a lot. The music video is so sweet and poignant for us who are very invested, and yet, repeating what I said, it has great general appeal as well. The location choice, the girl and the extras in the video are very diverse even though the neighborhood and town have a very “small town” rural feel to them. It is very much a video that western markets, especially the U.S. market can relate to visually. 

As I write this more than 12 hours after it’s release, The Astronaut is still at the top spot on iTunes. Sorry, Rihanna, apparently Armys’ feelings are stronger than everyone expected. I am certain this is taking a lot of industry people by surprise as well. I mean, it’s Rihanna, who hasn’t released music in a long time. You’d think her song would be hugely anticipated. But we are always underestimated across the board.

Beware anyone else attempting to release music when the next solo albums drop. If Jin can do this with ONE SONG, the rest of you are on notice. 

THANK YOU FOR A FANTASTIC SONG AND MV, JIN!!! I LOVE YOU TOO!! WE WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU!!