#just because a parent is loving does not mean they are good

[waywardangel-wilds]

Using this post to see if I can answer all these questions about my main character:

1. Name: Larkspur (so far lol). Age: 22. Gender: Female. Birth date: sometime in the summer.

Appearance: Medium height. Dark curly hair, brown skin. Disarming smile (this is a trap).

Backstory / trauma : she was born after the fall of society and has never known anything outside of the “after” - the world after the end of capitalism and climate catastrophe. Both her parents are dead and were dead when she was a baby so she’s never met them. She was raised in an orphanage. She’s never had enough but she’ll come to realize she had it good compared to others because her community was strong and close knit. She’s always felt displaced - a girl without a home, without a family. This makes her scared of being abandoned and her triggers happy reactions are all motivated by a desire to never feel left behind.

Goal: to leave her town and make it to the big market in the village. Real goal -> to get there and set up some sort of con so she’s never poor again.

Make her suffer -> she will be tormented by seeing what it really means to take from others and to harm and deceive. She won’t like it. She’ll also find herself taking part in an ever increasingly problematic organization that will make her realize that the world is so much bigger and so much more capable of cruelty than she even understood.

Relationships / who does she love -> she comes to realize that she has a family - she always did - and it has grown larger. She’ll realize that family can be chosen and it can always grow. She’ll fall in love with someone just as broken as she and she will come to see that even people like them are worthy of all the good things in life.

Give them a voice -> she is charming and a great narrator. She’s a great liar. But it’s all a performance really. She’s very vulnerable and not fully formed really as an individual. She’s unsure. There’s a soft core to her.

Make them grow -> Lark starts off selfish and somewhat immature. She blames everything she thinks is wrong with herself on the world and tries to take it out on others. She’s wrong frequently. She needs to hit her face against the metaphorical floor to realize things are more nuanced.

Glass -> she can be selfish AND self destructive. She’s afraid of being happy, thinks she doesn’t deserve it even though she wants it with all her heart. She’s the type to self-sabotage.

Anyway I think that’s all I can answer!

How to Write a Character

↠ Start with the basics, because obviously. Name. Age. Gender. Maybe even a birthday if you’re feeling fancy. This is step one because, well, your character needs to exist before they can be interesting. But nobody cares if they’re 27 or 37 unless it actually matters to the story.

↠ Looks aren’t everything… but also, describe them. Yes, we know their soul is more important than their hair color, but readers still need something to visualize. Do they have the kind of face that makes babies cry? Do they always look like they just rolled out of bed? Give us details, not just “tall with brown hair.

↠ Personality isn’t just “kind but tough.” For the love of storytelling, give them more than two adjectives. Are they kind, or do they just pretend to be because they hate confrontation? Are they actually tough, or are they just too emotionally repressed to cry in public? Dig deeper.

↠ Backstory = Trauma (usually). Something shaped them. Maybe it was a messy divorce, maybe they were the middle child and never got enough attention, or maybe they once got humiliated in a spelling bee and never recovered. Whatever it is, make it matter to who they are today.

↠ Give them a goal. Preferably a messy one. If your character’s only motivation is to “be happy” or “do their best,” they’re boring. They need a real goal, one that conflicts with who they are, what they believe in, or what they think they deserve. Bonus points if it wrecks them emotionally.

↠ Make them suffer. Yes, I said it. A smooth, easy journey is not a story. Give them obstacles. Rip things away from them. Make them work for what they want. Nobody wants to read about a character who just gets everything handed to them (unless it’s satire, then carry on).

↠ Relationships = Depth. Nobody exists in a vacuum. Who do they love? Who annoys the hell out of them? Who do they have that messy, can’t-live-with-you-can’t-live-without-you tension with? People shape us. So, shape your character through the people in their life.

↠ Give them a voice that actually sounds like them. If all your characters talk the same, you’ve got a problem. Some people ramble, some overthink, some are blunt to the point of being offensive. Let their voice show who they are. You should be able to tell who’s talking without dialogue tags.

↠ If they don’t grow, what’s the point? People change. They learn things, make mistakes, get their hearts broken, and (hopefully) become a little wiser. If your character starts and ends the story as the same exact person, you just wasted everyone’s time.

↠ Flaws. Give. Them. Flaws. Nobody likes a perfect character. Give them something to struggle with, maybe they’re selfish, maybe they push people away, maybe they’re addicted to the thrill of self-destruction (fun!). Make them real. Make them human.

↠ Relatability is key. Your character doesn’t have to be likable, but they do have to be understandable. Readers need to get them, even if they don’t agree with them. If your character never struggles, never doubts, and never screws up, I have bad news: they’re not a character, they’re a mannequin.

↠ You’re never actually done. Characters evolve, not just in the story, but as you write them. If something feels off, fix it. If they feel flat, dig deeper. Keep refining, rewriting, and letting them surprise you. That’s how you create someone who feels real.

Now go forth and write characters that actually make people feel something. And if you need a reminder, just ask yourself: Would I care if this person existed in real life? If the answer is meh, start over.

[orangepeelknives]

something i lowkey think deserves more attention is mack's relationship w aiden and how it fits into the will of it all. 

imagine being aiden, like, youre the older brother, and youre good enough at hockey, but your younger brother is a fucking superstar. plus the rick thing - the overcompetitive, constantly working nature of the family? and you both play for the same school except when mack is there he's 17 but still the fucking superstar and your parents are probably saying oh you have to look out for your baby brother take him to hang out with your friends and then he's going to nhl as first overall pick, getting nominated for the calder, lighting it up, and you barely even got drafted, are gonna be fighting to get that ELC still when your younger brother is signing an 8x8. now imagine being mack, and being aware of all that, but also being fucking competitive and emotionally stunted and starved for affection. 

mack and aiden's dynamic isn’t surface-level chirping and easy banter. it's complicated. there's love, for sure, but also resentment, defensiveness, comparison, years of living in the same pressure cooker with ricky as the one holding the stopwatch. and the coach is always gonna work harder at the kid who's better thatd lowkey just a fact. so imagine ur aiden and ur dad is the coach and you literally cannot escape comparison w ur younger brother and u just kinda have to get slowly left behind. 

so now imagine ur mack. and you love your brother, because it was always you and him. side by side. hauling ass to the gym together at age ten. racing each other on the ice at six in the morning. playing mini sticks in the hallway until someone bled. you love him like a limb. and also? ur in constant competition with him. not because you wanted to be, but because that’s just what your house was like. it was built that way. improvement charts on the fridge. split times tracked in a spreadsheet. feedback doled out at dinner. and it wasn’t even mean - it was just the air you breathed. get better. go again. don’t fall behind.

but when you’re mack? you don’t fall behind. he does. and that messes you up. because it’s not like you asked to be this good, it’s not like you wanted to hurt him. but you did. by accident. by existing. by accelerating so fast you couldn’t even look back to check on him. and now your whole family dynamic is off-balance and no one talks about it because everyone’s pretending it’s fine. and when you do try to talk about it, it comes out wrong, defensive or stiff or too intense, bc you’re seventeen and anxious and already too famous and you don’t know how to say “i’m sorry i left you behind.”

and the worst part is: you didn’t mean to leave him. you missed him. you wanted him next to you on the ice and in the locker room and on the bus. but you’re the one getting Calder buzz. you’re the one everyone calls a “generational talent.” and he’s… fighting to get signed. and you don’t know how to shrink yourself enough to make it better. you just know it hurts. you’re guilty. you’re proud. you’re lonely. and you have no idea what to do with that combination.

then you meet will.

and will is right there. right on your level. not just talent-wise, but intensity-wise. and the second you’re on the ice together it’s like a switch flips, immediate chemistry, freakish synergy, like you’ve been playing together your whole lives. and then off the ice he’s just as fast, just as keyed in, just as much.and he doesn’t need you to shrink. he doesn’t ask you to slow down. he matches you.

and even better? he doesn’t resent you for it. not when you score. not when you freak out, not when you lose it and snap a stick or get jealous or act a little crazy, he just grins and chirps you and lets it pass. lets you be too much. and that’s maybe the first time in your life you’ve had that. someone who doesn’t feel smaller because of you. someone who doesn’t pull away.

so yeah. of course mack clings to him. of course mack follow him around like a shadow and begs for his attention and acts out when he’s not paying you enough mind. because he makes him feel safe in his bigness, he makes him feel okay being the guy who moved on, the guy who’s great. will's out here assisting on every single goal for your first hat trick and there's nothing but genuine excitement for mack!!!

[10ava01]

The rules we break

Bob Floyd x F!reader

MASTERLIST

Summary: It was supposed to be just physical—no feelings, no complications. You and Bob knew the rules, and breaking them wasn’t part of the plan. But secrets have a way of slipping through the cracks, and so do feelings. Now the quiet glances linger too long, the touches mean too much, and pretending it’s nothing is getting harder by the day. Bob’s falling. You’re falling. But you’re also hiding something. And when the truth finally comes out, it might not just break the rules—it might break him.

Tropes: Age gap · Forbidden desire · Addiction · Slow burn yearning · Smut with soft edges

Author’s Note: Top Gun owns a piece of my soul—I’ve watched it more times than I can admit without blushing. And Bob? Bob is everything. I needed to write something messy and soft, just like him. Let me know if you want Part 2.

-

You arrived ahead of time.  

Of fucking course you are.  

You only agreed to come to the party because of the open bar, but you couldn’t tell your dad that. He would be so disappointed if he found out about your so called ‘needs’ and disappointing him would be the last thing you can do. He deserved better and if pretending to be the perfect daughter he raised you to be, then you have to keep forcing yourself to do that. Not only that, but he raised you all by himself when your mother took off. She didn’t glance back or intend to include you. Selfish. That’s the extent of your understanding of her; therefore, as you developed, you aspired to be anything but self-centered. If she wanted nothing to do with you, then so be it. She made her choice, and you made yours, even when it sometimes kills you. Not telling is sometimes better.  

Your dad is a man of military. Order, structure and discipline, and you can’t bear to be seen as a failure, especially with his reputation. You already make yourself feel bad for what you desire, but your only loving parent looking at you in disgust makes you want to burn yourself alive. So you do anything that rescues him that you’re a well-behaved girl. More like women, but in his eyes you’re always going to say the little girl. Only if he knew how much you’ve grown. If only.

But here you are in a mini cocktail dress that shows a little too much skin for your own good. The fabric is cool, smooth and clings to your body just like you want it to be. Every inch of your curve is an on display that makes you feel sexier. The hem brushes mid-thigh, short enough to expose yourself, but long enough to leave little room for imagination. High heels match your outfit and make your legs look longer. Your hair is perfectly styled, which flows with every step you take, and your makeup looks exactly how you wanted it to be. Clean and glowing. And you know you look good. You got the confident part from your father and also the cocky side, which only adds to your charm.  

Apparently, everyone other than your father knows that showing up to the party early is a Disaster. To make the most of it, you go up to the bartender. “What can I get you started with, Miss?” The bartender asks. “Vodka martini,” you say hesitantly. You probably should get something less heavy than a vodka martini, and god knows it’s effective as hell. The only thing in that drink is vodka and dry vermouth, but it’s your go-to drink for the past few years. For the price of it you can get easily tipsy with a few of them, and overall that is the whole point of drinking, right? As the bartender prepares your drink, you look around the beach house.  

It’s large and not only does it look expressive but also is. Jake Seresin bragged about it on one night in the hard deck while you only half listened to him because your system was full of gin and tonic, but apparently you didn’t have any signs of being drunk that Jake gave you the honor to listen to him about his new living investment.  

You must give Hangman credits because he may be an asshole, but his taste is marvelous. The beach house looks out of a lifestyle magazine, all glass walls and clean angels. The salt air clings to everything and reminds you of the ocean. The massive bar caught your eyes when you walked in, and you made it your destination. There are stocks with every kind of liquor you could imagine, and the thought of getting yourself one drink after another makes your heart race with excitement.  

While looking at this place, you can easily imagine yourself living here. All quiet and utterly beautiful and a drink in your hand as you make your way through the jacuzzi. Wearing nothing under your rope. The water on your bare skin relaxes your muscles as you watch the sunset.  

Before you can have any sexual thoughts about how you would like to have sex in the large bedrooms with the wide windows and an open view to the ocean, you are pulled back to reality. Your drink is freshly done.  

The first sip of the cold vodka martini tastes like heaven. You only admire the first few sips because after that you gulp everything down just to order one after another till you start feeling something. It didn’t take you more than five minutes to finish it, and you’re already on your third drink.  

Board of your mind, you text Bobby to see how long it will take for him to be here. At least you would have company while drinking, and there is no harm in being admired by him. You know the shy, sweet and innocent persona he puts on is only a disguise. Underneath all that, there is a man no one knows about but you. “Almost there, lovely, are you not having fun?” You know he is genuinely asking but no one in their right mind should leave you alone near Alcohol, but he doesn’t know, so you cannot blame him for that. “No one is here, and I just want to have a little fun with you,” you probably sound like needy, but what is a girl to do in this situation? There is no answer from Bob which frustrates you more. Is it so hard to text back?  

The drink in your hand is gone. If you go up to the bar and get another one, that will be your fifth or sixth drink by now and surely even the bartender will look suspicious by a twenty-year-old drinking like a frat guy. Truth to be told, you can handle liquor very well and that might be a negative aspect to your situation, but before you can make yourself go and get another drink you feel hands around your waist.  

You know these hands. Your body memorized these hands and the slightest feeling reacts towards them like a firework. You don’t need to turn around to know who these long, vein, smooth- but rough on the edges hands belong to. “Finally you’re here,” you try to sound annoyed but know that when you look at his face any feeling other than admiring, caring feeling of warmth just withers away before it ever fully forms. “I’m sorry, baby, let me make it up to you in any way you want.” You turn around at the sound of that. A smirk forms on your face. It’s only been over a day since you saw Bob in his apartment, covered in sweat and pleasure from the mind-blowing sex you had, but a tiny part of you missed his presence. “Any way I want, huh?” You ask curiosity because once a promise has been made you tend to not forget about it. Bob knows he is in for it. An adorable smile forms his face and nods softly to your teasing. Sometimes you believe that he cannot do anything but admire you, and somehow that makes you feel guilty.  

While you did agree to concentrate on your ‘needs’ only, which means sleeping together. The situation between you is complicated enough since you’re way younger than him and to top that off, your dad aka Maverick is Bob’s mentor. Sure the thought of being caught creeps from time to time in your head but at least you choose Bob and not Hangman or others from the group which would probably make your dad more furious. There is a tiny hope inside of you that he would be approved by Mav, but you’re not near dating and the situation you are in is far from acceptable.  

So there are clear rules to this ‘fuck buddy situation’, no sleepovers, not going on dates, no relationship and no falling in love. A few of these rules have been broken a little over the time. You could scratch the sleepover part because it was more like no sleepover at your house rather than his and technically hanging out in the hard deck can’t be called a date, so you were safe. No strings attached, just how you want it. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself over and over again.  

His hands squeeze your waist softly to pull your attention back to him. Bob notices often that you zone out, and a sad look comes on your face. His eyes wander around your body shamelessly, practically addressing you with his eyes. You don’t know if behind those blue ocean eyes you get lost of yourself are admiration or lust, maybe a little bit of both. “I can’t wait to rip this dress off of you,” he whispers into your ear so casually that if anyone heard him they would probably have to double check if it’s this sweet, innocent Bob talking. You know that man is long gone now. You smirk as you look up at him, obviously you know the moment you put on this so-called ‘dress’ was only to make him feral. “How about you put some action to your words.” You say in a low voice. It’s a dangerous game you’re playing. You know that but the head filled with Alcohol just gives you ideas that will definitely get you two caught. Before Bob can make a sneaky comment about it, no other than your dad walks up to you. 

He immediately puts his hands away from you and a tiny part of you is hurt that it’s so easy to let go of you. Logically, you know why he did it, but you can’t help but feel the aching in your heart. In those moments you try to remember that there is no you and him, no relationship, no romantically involved in emotions running through his veins, no part of him that wants you to be his. You swallow hard. Pushing down your emotions to not let the urge to cry out and beg him to love you, want you, see you, be with you, but you do neither of these.  

“You made it, Bob.” Mav greets him by petting his shoulder. There’s no hint of suspiciousness, no hint of awkwardness, nothing at all. There is no surprise when Bob puts his act back on, as if you weren’t about to take you right here in front of all people. To make you his to show you that you’re the only one that exists in his eyes to show you that every part of you so body and mind belongs to him to make you understand that the need of you is bigger than anything, but none of that is there.  

With every single day, Bob surprises you, and you cannot help but be amused by this situation. If only your dad knew how unreal that act is, and underneath his cover is a man that takes everything like he owns it. Only if he knew. Maybe a part of him owns you as well. 

While they chat, you sneak a champagne glass from the waiter. If you want to make it through this, you need more than champagne or maybe pure vodka will do at some point. “Bob keep an eye on her for me,” your dad says jokingly as you look annoyed at him. Now it’s time for you to act. The tables have turned. You're annoyed at his teasing because you’re not some bratty little girl that needs babysitting, even if your dad shouldn’t let him babysit you from all the people. Mav laughs at your huff and makes his way to Bradly. Thanks to their father son relationship bond, you can enjoy living in your life in secret.  

While looking around, you see no one paying attention to you two, you pull Bobby towards the house. You need some action, and looking at him in a casual button-down outfit fills your head with images that you tend to experience in real life. The blue shirt he is wearing clings to his body perfectly, and you know the perfect abs that are hidden underneath it. Waiting to be touched by you. Bob’s sleeves are rolled up to the arms, with every move his muscles flex, and you want to lick every vein.  Put one finger after another in your mouth and lick them clean, have his fingers inside of you or tease you with little touches. Bob Floyd could do anything to you. His pants hug his slutty waist, you’re mine makes up fantasies where you rub your legs around him and pull him close to you and at the same time make him dive his dick inside of you. This is getting way out of your hand. But you don’t care as the adrenaline flows through your veins and your mind is clouded with dirty thoughts. 

If you don’t get fucked in a matter of seconds, you’re gonna lose your mind, that’s for sure. You pull Bob to the farthest room you can find. No one would be looking for you, and you can moan as loud as you want since the music outside is so loud. Probably Jake's doing you think. Your mind has only one goal, and that is getting your Bain fucked out by this man.  

You lock the door from the inside and look up to him. He is hovering over you, and the desperate look on your face tells him everything he needs to know. You want him, and it needs to be rough and dirty. 

Within seconds, he puts his mouth onto yours. Nothing about this is romantic, and you both know it. He pushes your body to the door and deepens the kiss. All tongue and teeth.  Devouring you like a starved man.  

His large hands sneak onto your waist as you moan into his mouth. He takes this chance and pushes his tongue. Tongues dancing for dominance.  

Bob is a very good kisser and with your experience you know it. The hungry kiss turns into a full make out scene. You pull him by his collar as if you can’t have even the tiniest space between you two. You need him. Not only that, but you need every part of him. You need him like you need air.  

He pulls away from you to take a breath. You feel his warm breath on your face, and he looks stunning lips swollen cheeks burning, desperate look on his face, all in all the look is your guilty pleasure.  

You’re both heavy on breath. He kisses you again from the corner of your mouth down to your neck. Biting, nipping and leaving little bruises as a reminder. It doesn’t take him long to find your sweet spot. He knows you from the inside and out. He took his sweet time over the past months to get to know you, and he would call himself an expert by now. Bob knows where to touch you to get a shaky breath out of you, where to kiss you to make you feel breathless, how to look at you to make you feel seen and how to treat you just the way you deserve.  

You moan as he sucks on your neck. Attacking your soft spot. The love bites make you permanently his. And his only. “B-Bobby pleasee,” you try to form a sentence but your thoughts are mushed by him. His scent, his hands, his body, his mouth. All you can fell is him. “Tell me what you want, sweet girl,” he demands, and he still nips at your neck. “Fuck, please please fuck me sir,” you blurt out anything that comes to your mind. “Hmm, you want my cock inside of you, honey?” You know that he teases you, but you cannot help but nod dumbly at him.  

You know that you sound desperate, but you don’t care as long as he gives you mind-blowing orgasms. You are willing to beg for him. “P-please I-i ugh please Bobby I need you.” He didn’t even touch you, and you turned into a mess, but the Alcohol in your system is making you more desperate than usual.  

“Alight my sweet girl.” He pulls away from your neck to lay you down on the bed. His gaze in burning your skin and lustful eyes of his tell you that he wants you as much as you want him. The difference is that you need this. The sex. Him as well but getting fucked out more. But that’s a topic you don’t want to think about right now. Not while having the time of your life.  

Bobby presses a little kiss on the corner of your mouth before he starts to take your shoes off. One foot after the other. Bob leaves trails of kisses on your tights and his hands wander to your dress. You gulp in excitement, but he flips you over to your stomach.  

You’re weightless to him, and he almost treats you like a rag doll. You feel him unzipping your dress slowly to a point that it pains you that he is taking his sweet time while you’re suffering. “STOP squirming, or I will leave you like this.” You know he means it. The use of harsh tone makes you stay still. Your dress falls off your body so easily, and you look behind to see what’s going to happen next.  

Your patience is running out, but you cannot do anything but wait. “Ass up baby,” he says in a deep raspy tone as you command. Ass up and face down. Probably one of your favorite positions and Bob knows how much you enjoy it.  

The noise of his belt picks up your heart rate. This isn’t your first time, obviously, but every time it feels like that.  

You see that he is fully dressed while you are laying naked, in front of him. Bare and ready to be taken however he pleases. You feel like a present of his that he gets to unwrap and can play with.  

Bobby pulls his pants and underwear down but not completely off and pumps his dick a few times in his hands. His eyes are on you. “I’m begging you pleaseee just fuck m-.” You are cut off by him pushing his dick inside of you. Your eyes roll back. He does not stop to give you time to adjust. Manhandling by pumping his dick into you. Hard.  

The room fills with the sound of skin slapping, grunts, means and hard breaths.  

You moan at the feeling of being full. All you can feel is him. Every vein, length, thickness.  

There is a guarantee that your waist will get bruised by the tight grip he has on you.  

“T-thank fuck, thank you, ahh.” Bob only thrust faster as the sound of your fucked up voice. * thrust * “can” *thrust* “you” *thrust* “feel” *thrust* “my” *thrust* “cock” *thrust* “inside” *thrust* “your stomach baby?” 

 Every thrust is so forceful that at this point you don’t even know your name. You weakly node. Mind blurred out. A hand sneaks around your neck and pulls you hard towards his body. “I asked you a question, brat,” he tightens his hand around your neck.  

He doesn’t stop abusing his dick inside of you. “Ye-yess lieutenant.” He groans. You know it drives him insane when you call him that’s especially in bed.  

As a reward, he puts his other hand to your clit and makes a figure eight motion. “Hmm fuck fu-uck yes, yes pleasee don’t sto-op,” you whisper.  

The pleasure is building up, and you’re about to burst. He doesn’t stop him, only speeds up his peace and puts sloppy kisses on your jaw. 

You know he’s almost there as you are not far away from cum so hard. “SIR, I-I NEED TO CUM,” you scream in overstimulation. “Need huh angel?”  

You can’t hold it any longer, and your moans are only getting louder with every figure eight on your clit and the sloppy thrust. “Cum for me, baby.” With that, you let go. Your insides are burning and the pleasure that had built up has finally been released.  

With a low groan and few thrusts, he cums inside of you. A chill goes down your neck as you feel his warm breath.  

You’re both out of breath, and Bob slowly pulls out of you as you collapse into the bed. Your limbs are numb. Your heart is beating so fast. 

 Bob puts his pants on as you lay down. The adrenaline that had formed inside of you is finally gone now. Your energy is gone.  

This is exactly what you needed, and he provided you exactly what you asked for. You close your eyes for a second, enjoying the peace that comes after sex. At least with Bob, there is calm and quiet after your daily routines. You’re so glad he isn’t one of those guys that feel the need to say something after sex. It annoys you to death.  

You hear footsteps and moving, and you don’t even need to open your eyes to know that after-care is essential to him. Maybe not for most guys, but Bob isn’t one of them.  

He cleans you up with a soft rug so gentle that you can already imagine what it would be like being with him. Sharing a life. The simplest tasks could become the easiest. There would be nothing like your parents’ relationship, but you cannot let yourself think that way. There are situations where after sleeping together you get yourself home just so you can lie down and feel empty, broken and helpless. You cry yourself to sleep because of huge reasons you cannot have him. Not romantically, not as a friend, not even as a partner. You do this to yourself over and over again. While it’s convenient for a time. But the illusion wears off, and you build yourself up over and over again. Sure, it can be easy if you only tell him about it. But every time you try to bring yourself to do that, you just stop.  

“Do you wane go back downstairs?” His soft voice pulls you out of your depressive thoughts. You open your eyes to see him staring down at you with those puppy dog eyes. You feel him stare at your face, almost admiring you in the most innocent way possible. Only if he knew that your face is a disguise for the odd habits, and desires you have. Just like they say, ‘the devil makes itself look beautiful to decide humans’. You’re sure he could accept you the way you are. You know it.  

“Yeah, sure before they notice we’re gone too long,” you say jokingly, the meaning behind your words are far from it. You know it and he knows it. “Y/N you know that not I mean.” oh sweet Bob. He believes in good, even though there’s a dark part inside of them. So you smile softly up at him. Kiss his mouth softly. Just a light touch nothing more, nothing less. It shows him you understand what he means.

Ever the gentleman he is, he helps you put on your dress. Put your shoes onto your feet and kisses the soft part of your inner thigh. He admires you from the kneeling position. You look like a goddess to him. A beautiful creature that is destined for more. Your eternal beauty takes the breath away every time he looks like you. With the simplest look on your face, you take his breath away. Quite literally. Your mouth on his makes him drunk on you. No liquor could do that for him, but you do to him. The feeling of your touch on a skin awakens a part of himself that he never lets anyone see. The sound of your angelic voice could wake him from a coma. He is certain of it. Clearly he’s in love with you and anyone can see that by looking at his face.  

Everyone might be blinded by your beauty to see that you hold back yourself. That you don’t let anyone come near you. And Bob desperately wants to know why that is. Why do you pull away from him? Why do you run off after sleeping with him? Why do you hide yourself? Why can’t you face the fact that he loves you? Just why?

[calypso-apologist]

ahem... do you also have Telemachus nsfw alphabet that you're hiding or? if not make one pwease

Telemachus NSFW Alphabet ♡

Template by @/the-coldest-goodbye.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Very cuddly. He tries to keep snacks and some wine around when he plans to have sex to make sure you can enjoy it afterwards, but usually you two just lay together, either falling asleep or just looking at the ceiling as you talk.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His? Probably his hands. He likes exploring your body, seeing how you react to his squeezing and dragging his fingertips along your body.

Yours? Your lips. Your soft, sweet, teasing lips. He loves your lips so damn much. The way they feel against his skin, the way they taste against his own... It means so damn much to him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Usually a few thick blotched at first, followed by a short almost watery stream.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

On several occasions, Telemachus woke up in the middle of the night because of how intense a wet dream he had was. Of course, you were the main star of said dream. Sometimes he wakes up leaking pre-cum and he just... you know, finishes it with his hand. Sometimes he wakes up already after orgasm. He usually can't bring himself to look at you the next day, he's too embarrassed.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Absolutely none. You're his first. He has absolutely no idea what he's doing, he's just kinda trying things and observing your reactions to figure out what's good and what isn't. He's a quick learner, though.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl.

He has very little experience in general, so he relies on experimenting and trusting you. And if you take charge? If you ride him? He loses it. Completely. Don't get me wrong, he will still do his best to learn how to get good, but having you in charge just... does something to him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

What he lacks in experience, he makes up for in trying to keep you happy. He'll make jokey comments about what he's doing just to hear you giggle and see that fond eye roll you would always give him when he was acting like a dumbass. Plus, it gives him some more time to try and figure out what the hell he's supposed to be doing.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He has relatively not much body hair. Don't get me wrong, he's not hairless in any way, but it's not exactly a lot, either.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very. His parents are both hopeless romantics, what do you expect? Of course having sex with you is pretty much a religious experience for him.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Not exactly often, maybe twice or thrice a month when he feels pent up but doesn't really want to bother you. He usually tries to pretend it's your hand, though.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Did they invent pegging yet?

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed. He's a simple man.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Just... flash him. Accidentally. Or on purpose. If he catches a glimpse of any more intimate areas of your body and he can feel the blood rushing both to his face and his... other head.

He'll try to calm down most of the time, since he doesn't want to make you feel overwhelmed by him getting horny in any way (in his defense, he's been forced to live with the suitors for a while now, so he kinda views most aspects of showing interest in anyone as too much because he's scared of being like them), but if you actually communicate that you'd like to do something together, he's on cloud nine.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

CNC or anything that would imply lack of consent or violence of any kind. Choking, spanking, restraints, it all goes. He wouldn't want any of it done to him and he can't bring himself to do any of it to you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He's very insecure about giving oral. To the point where he will try to avoid it for the longest time. Once he does finally decide to face his fears (don't worry Telemachus, I'm scared of genitals too/j), he is so painfully innocent about it that it almost hurts.

Telemachus cannot, for the love of him, do it "properly", though. It's usually mostly kitty licks or small kisses, so at most, he just uses it as foreplay. You don't have the heart to do anything about it, it's adorable in a way.

But what about receiving? Well... he's delightful about it. Honestly, it's like it does more for him than regular sex. He gets louder, whinier, clingier... Hell, he might even tear up. This man's biggest weakness is his dick in your mouth and I think that's beautiful.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and a bit unsure the first few times. Once he gains a bit more experience, it's still rather soft and slow because he wants to make you feel as loved as possible. The only time he picks up the pace significantly is when he's getting close to orgasm.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

No. He's a romantic, he believes it has to be done properly instead of just a fast one and then acting like nothing happened! There needs to be foreplay and aftercare and then you fall asleep in each other's arms! He believes sex to be meaningful, and in his eyes, quickies take away from it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Not very risky. He gets too embarrassed at the idea of being caught of messing up. He'll try new things, sure, but you cannot convince him to try anything risky. He's just too pure for that. There is very little actual experimentation there. Sure, he experiments to figure out what you like, but nothing too intense.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

About two rounds, maybe three if he really tries, but he needs small breaks between each round. They're not exactly long, but not embarrassingly short, either. Though he does have a tendency to cum prematurely.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nope. No toys. Nothing.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Literally incapable of being unfair. He'll try, but he's way too easy to fluster. Which means that if you tease him back, he just can't do it anymore. Also, again, since the suitors mock him a lot, he has a warped view of teasing and he's worried about going too far.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He tries to be quiet. And most of the time, he fails. He's a loud whimperer. And every once in a while, his moans get pretty loud. Not loud enough to be heard from outside the room, but loud enough to make him embarrassed.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Replacing it with a song I associate with the character for no particular reason again because I hate this letter and I never know what to put there. This one really doesn't make sense tbh, but hey, it makes me think of Telemachus.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Five inches soft, gets up to five and a half when hard. Slightly thicker than average. Not very veiny, but you can kinda see a vein on the underside when he gets hard.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I mean... he's not a very horny person. Sure, he likes having sex with you. A lot. But it's not a driving force in any way. In fact, he'll kind of just... scold himself internally if he catches himself thinking about you sexually for too long. Again, the suitors have really impacted how he looks at those things.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

My boy is eepy as fuck afterwards. He's awake just long enough to make sure you're okay and then to find the most comfortable position that lets him cling to you for the night. After what, he is out like a light.

[hairspray-heart]

this is actually something important to internalize if you grew up with parents who manipulated you maliciously during abuse. just because someone once influenced you with the intent to harm does not mean that ALL influence equates to manipulation and/or harm.

for instance, my parents were both very manipulative, especially my father. one of his most memorable forms of manipulation involved a dangerous combination of gaslighting and love bombing—and mind you, it was not as benign as whatever passes for those terms online in 2025, but that's another post—and it set me up to feel threatened whenever someone experienced anything differently from how I experienced it, or whenever anyone was particularly affectionate toward me or praised me too highly, because it triggered a trauma response and I was inclined to defend myself.

this meant that my wife showering me with affection could feel threatening to me, even though it was not precipitated by the grievous harm that always preceded my father's love bombing. it meant that if she said that she didn't see something the same way I did, I might feel threatened, especially if the topic was a disagreement or some form of conflict, because my father often gaslit me about his behavior during conflict after the fact.

please note that in these situations, my wife was not manipulating me. she wasn't gaslighting me by telling me that her perception didn't match mine. she wasn't love bombing me when she showed me a lot of affection. my trauma response was activated by those behaviors, but the behaviors themselves weren't harmful at all.

in fact, discussing differing perspectives after a conflict is part of reconciliation. you need to communicate and figure out what happened so that next time, it can be a conversation instead of a conflict. that's healthy. it's fine for your spouse to shower you with praise when you got into the honors program you applied to or whatever your personal "BIG YAY! YOU DID IT!" situation is.

abuse can make normal or healthy actions flag as danger because they once signaled danger. our brains create a lot of heuristics to shortcut cognitive processes and let us react quickly. these shortcuts can save your ass in abusive situations. I have severe hypervigilance that flags shifts in mood, expression, posture, etc. those things used to signify danger with my father. seeing them early and preparing for fallout was vital to survival.

once you're out of the situation, you HAVE TO unlearn the behavior that once saved your life. this is hard! my body and mind internalized that reacting quickly and seeing through manipulations would keep me safe.

but the thing is, to interact with life is to manipulate. to pick up an item is to manipulate it with your hands. to write a good paper is to manipulate the professor to give you a good grade. to be kind and thoughtful to your friends is to manipulate them to like you and respond in kind. a baby crying is manipulating their caregiver to care for them. to interact is to manipulate and influence.

when you grow up in danger, your mind and body are primed to expect that the whole world and everyone in it is like your parents were. it's not. deprogram that shit once you're safe. go to therapy. learn to tell the difference between "this is a threat to me" and "I feel threatened by this" and how to differentiate response appropriately. it's okay that you feel threatened! learn how to respond with self-soothing instead of throwing accusations. teach your body how to feel safe.

anyway, go forth and live your best life and heal from your past trauma and apply a nuanced perspective to interpersonal relationships.

there's a fine line between being wary of manipulation and becoming completely paranoid because you get very close to the realisation that pretty much all human interaction involves doing things we hope will lead to a result we like

[frownyalfred]

thank you so much for sharing your work with us! I love the ninth wave and the whole verse ❤️

I have a question... what's the role of Clark as the pack alpha when it comes to Lex pregnancy? like Lex has his own alpha, so I'm guessing for all things that he could need an alpha, he'll have Dan. So is that how it works? or are certain things for which Lex (or Dan) will need Clark specifically? and like how does it affect to have two omegas pregnant at the same time, if it affects at all?

I love Clark/Lex's dynamic and would love to see them more involved, but I don't know how it works in the universe...

That's a really interesting question! Because yeah, you're talking about Lex's Alpha (full stop, upper case) versus Lex's alpha. How does a Pack Alpha trump a mating bond or courting alpha? Plus, how does that work when Lex and Clark already have a strange and sometimes strained (but sometimes also very intense, in a good way) relationship?

The way I view it, Clark is responsible for Lex, he feels Lex's pack bond a little more intensely than a fellow pack member would. But he's not the knot-headed alpha patriarch who Lex bows down to in all circumstances. He has a certain sway over Lex, but Lex is absolutely able to pluck that pack bond and send reverberations right back at Clark if desired. We saw this in ASOH the first time he deferred to Clark. This reluctant kind of acceptance that they do care about the other and your typical alpha patriarchy stuff doesn't hold power here. But Pack bonds and old-fashioned pack hierarchy -- there's a much more compelling argument to be had there. Lex views himself as an extension of his Pack Alpha and Omega in times of distress; their belief in him is so so important. He can take Clark's anger if it means he still has the Pack bond, if that makes any sense at all.

Where does another alpha wade into that? Well, he does it very carefully. Daniel is a good egg, we've already seen him deferring a LOT to Clark. He's not Pack (yet) but if he was, alphas can coexist in the same pack. I see a lot of folks commenting that they'd butt heads no matter what, but I think that's a very traditional a/b/o trope and not one I want to entrench here. They might have to get used to being around other alphas because they've both been solitary for a while, but they're not fighting just because they're in the same pack. And Daniel absolutely can court and mate Lex, as long as he knows that he's doing it under Bruce and Clark's watchful eye(s). It's kind of like meeting an in-law? Except then you ask that in-law to also formally adopt you. And it's not a parent-child relationship at all.

I think there are definitely things Lex will need from Daniel (proximity, sex, etc support during pregnancy) but there's also things he just can't get from a mate that he needs from his Pack. And Clark plays a large role in that, obviously. Lex might flip out and need to go stubbornly cuddle Bruce in the nest for a night and Clark and Daniel might both get kicked out for a bit. Lex might need Clark to tell him he's doing the right thing and it's okay to be vulnerable with Daniel, etc.

TL;DR: (sorry for rambling) Dan is Lex's alpha, but Clark is his Alpha and therefore one half of his gateway/connection the Pack itself. So Dan needs to be careful wading into this dynamic, but it isn't hostile just because it's two alphas. Not necessarily, in a perfect world.

[bossuary]

There's no universe where I accept that Lucanis knows anything about seduction. Sorry.

He recognizes flirting. That's it.

No innuendos, no natural smiles, no mirroring of gestures. He simply doesn't have the range, darling. And how could he? When would he have spent un-structured, non-training time with his peer group in a social setting? What peers? What friends?

To develop comfort and ease with this sort of thing it can't be a single interaction, it has to be repeated, sustained. It has to be iterated upon. There's just...no fucking way Caterina (or anyone in her employ) let Lucanis wander around making friends outside the Crows, or pursuing any of the dumb shit that people naturally pursue to fulfill themselves and be a part of society.

The fledglings probably steal time away to rebel, to goof off and get in trouble. But not Lucanis. Not the First Talon's demon of a grandson. All the knowledge he has, his skills of observation, his contacts...that's work shit. He never went to school with someone who became an accountant or a bricklayer. Never traded silly stories about pets or vacations. His socialization was limited to whatever served the role Caterina assigned to him.

The only reason Lucanis developed 'cooking' as a hobby is because he has to eat anyway, and so does everyone else. You can't get beaten for learning how to feed yourself. His only other hobby is knives. Because he doesn't understand hobbies. He didn't 'train to be an assassin,' he was forced to be THE ASSASSIN. Like, the platonic ideal of an assassin. The wiki entry.

He makes it clear that his life did not allow for personal pursuits. He says it in a lot of ways, sometimes literally but often just in how he reacts to Rook and the others. There wasn't purpose in becoming interested in things just for the fun of it, for self-actualization. Without that, he lost out on the development of interpersonal skills most of us would take for granted.

A non-comprehensive list of things most people learned to do while Lucanis was sweating and starving and not crying out at the impact of Caterina's cane:

how to work with a diverse group of people

how to resolve conflict

how to process failure

how to identify needs and boundaries...and express them

how to engage in social conversation

how to daydream

how to play

how to love

Stuff you would pick up without even realizing it, from your friends and schoolmates, your co-workers...your parents. I don't want to make it seem like I think Lucanis' life was wall-to-wall shit. He is wealthy in a way that is beyond the reach of every companion (save Dorian) we've ever had, across all four DA games. He has a support system. His kindness, humor, and ability to make a place for himself at the Lighthouse post-Ossuary mark him as a man of unimaginable resiliency. So, he must have carved out some goodness in his life.

My point is that the good moments were the exception, and in my view, they wouldn't have given him a foundation on which to build any kind of meaningful experience in terms of desire, seduction, romance, and sex.

He reads a lot! That's helpful. And I credit Lucanis' training for likely giving him a sharp insight on body language and facial expressions. But knowing HOW to read doesn't mean you've understood WHAT you read. Romance novels aren't primers for physical relationships any more than sci-fi books are manuals for technology you just haven't encountered yet.

He's 36 and he's never been on vacation, gone ice-skating, raised a pet companion, or had a relationship. He doesn't know how to send flowers, dress provocatively, or plan a romantic weekend in the countryside. He KNOWS that he doesn't know how. The Lighthouse is full of people who have done these things, and more. Rook included.

HERE, in the pantry, Lucanis moves forward without a single piece of lived experience to guide him. The man who plans his every move six weeks advance, and has a knife for every occasion is absolutely flying blind. What he knows is that he wants Rook (a thing as deep as it is new) and Rook has been so clear about wanting him that even if this goes Wrong, Rook will make it okay, somehow. And I just can't reckon that any version of him as secretly suave and confident is preferable or more alluring than this one: the weird little guy who, deSpite all of the above factors, still fucking Goes For It.

That guy can get it.

[idrawweirdstuffnominors]

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED DOING THE PARENT AU BUT THEIR KID COMING OUT AS TRANSGENDER🏳️‍⚧️???LOVE UR FICS BTW THEYRE SO GOOD🫶🫶

(ABSOLUTELY ALSO THANK YOUUU SO MUCH

Honestly before reading my fics—i know there are transphobic jerks. And I definitely know that coming out as trans to literally anyone its not always going to be met with understanding and care (which fucking sucks!) because Honestly trans people in general should have someone who understands and cares. I know there are going to be people who don't agree with how I write the boys in this specific scenario but to me specifically I believe these dorks wouldnt really be bothered over trans people i mean they are literally in new York (pretty sure they've seen shit) with all that said enjoy!

Epilogue Bill Dickey – When his kid comes out as transgender

When your kid first tells Bill?

It’s not a scene. There’s no big argument. He’s in the middle of a rant about “how Hollywood's killing the genre with A24-core trauma-bait garbage,” when your kid says it—quiet, maybe nervous, maybe not. Just a plain sentence:

> “Dad… I’m not your daughter. I’m your son.”

Bill blinks. Squints. Sets down his paper plate of pizza.

> “...Okay.”

That’s it.

No fireworks. No tantrum. No “you’re confused” lecture. Just “okay,” and a scratch of his scruffy beard.

> “You still do the dishes? Then I don’t give a shit. Just don’t change your name to ‘Anakin’ or some dumb crap.”

That’s his way of trying. And for a while, it feels like enough. He messes up pronouns sometimes. He forgets. But there’s no hate in it. He buys his son a thrift-store Spider-Man hoodie without a word. Doesn’t bat an eye when you cut his hair. Even argues with the school over the bathroom thing—clumsily, loudly, but with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer:

> “If my kid can recite Klingon, he can pee wherever he wants, okay? You wanna fight about it, Principal Palpatine?”

But then—

One day, he comes home. Blood on his lip. Scrape on his cheek. Shoulders hunched. Won’t meet your eyes.

Bill sees red.

> “What happened.”

Your son tries to brush it off. “It’s nothing. Just some guys at lunch. They said I wasn’t—real.”

That’s when Bill goes quiet. Like truly quiet.

Not in defeat. In rage.

> “What’d you say?”

Your son repeats it. Voice cracking this time.

> “They said I’m just pretending. That I’m still—still a girl.”

Bill stands up, slow and dangerous.

> “Gimme names.”

> “Dad—”

> “Names. First and last. If they have a Facebook I’m gonna flame ‘these fuckin jerk offs”

You put a hand on his arm. “Bill, stop.”

But he’s shaking. Not because he’s mad someone touched his kid—but because for once, he doesn’t know what to say. This isn’t a forum flame war. This isn’t a fandom grudge match. This is real, and his kid’s standing there, bleeding, trying not to cry, and Bill realizes:

He wasn’t doing enough.

Not really.

So he takes a breath. Sits down. Doesn’t lecture. Doesn’t yell.

He just slowly opens his arms.

Your son hesitates—then folds into them, and Bill holds on like he’s gripping onto the last save file in a corrupted game.

> “Listen to me,” he says, rough. “You’re my kid. You’re a pain in my ass. And you’re real. Anyone says otherwise? They answer to me. Got it?”

Your son nods into his shoulder.

> “Good. Now c’mon. Let’s go buy you a new hoodie. One that doesn’t smell like Doritos and trauma. And after that, I’m teaching you how to throw a punch.”

> “You said I couldn’t hit people.”

> “Yeah, well. I also said Firefly was overrated. People change.”

‐--

Epilogue Pete DiNunzio – When Anthony comes out as a trans girl

Pete’s halfway through folding laundry—badly—grumbling about how socks keep disappearing and why the hell does one hoodie have three sleeves? You and him had just had a brief spat about his refusal to read the laundry tags ("I know how cotton works, babe!") and now he's cooling off with busy hands and loud music.

That’s when Anthony—quiet, nervous, wearing a hoodie two sizes too big—walks in and just… stands there.

Pete glances over.

> “Hey. You need somethin’?”

Anthony fidgets. Eyes on the floor.

> “Can we talk?”

The laundry gets dropped instantly. Pete’s always on full-alert when it comes to his kid.

> “Yeah. Yeah, c’mere. What’s goin’ on?”

Anthony hesitates. Then:

> “I’m… I’m not a boy, Dad.”

Pete just blinks.

> “Okay. So what are you then?”

> “I’m a girl. My name is Lily.”

It’s so quiet for a beat, you could hear a sock fall.

Pete looks at her—really looks. At the way her hands tremble. The way she won't meet his eyes. Like she’s expecting him to yell. Like she’s braced for disappointment.

And all that attitude Pete wears like armor? It just drops.

He walks over slowly, lowering his voice in that way he only does when something matters.

> “Lily, huh?”

She nods.

> “You scared I wasn’t gonna be okay with it?”

Another nod.

Pete doesn’t ask why. He just pulls her into the biggest, firmest hug.

> “Well that’s stupid. Because I love you, no matter what. You hear me? You could come in here and tell me you’re actually a werewolf and I’d still be your Dad. I'd just buy you more meat.”

Lily laughs. It cracks mid-sob.

Pete holds her tighter.

> “Hey, you know what else? Lily’s a beautiful name. Suits you.”

He ruffles her hair gently.

> “You’re brave, y’know that? Takes guts. And you don’t ever gotta be scared to tell me stuff like this. You’re my kid. My girl. Nothin’ changes that.”

Then, after a pause, trying real hard to keep it casual:

> “You wanna go out and get donuts later? We can get your favorite and, uh… maybe hit the thrift store? If you wanna look at different clothes or whateva. No pressure.”

Lily lights up a little. You can tell she wasn’t expecting this.

> “You’d really do that?”

Pete gives her a look like she just asked if the sky’s blue.

> “Are you kiddin’? I’d wear a tutu in Times Square if it made you smile.”

> “…Can I paint your nails?”

Pete groans with mock offense.

Lily grins through her tears. Pete wraps an arm around her shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of her head, gruff but full of warmth.

> “Love you, principessa.”

And he means it—with every ounce of that stubborn, foul-mouthed, fiercely loyal heart.

And one night, while Lily's asleep on the couch, Pete gently folds up that old blue baby blanket she used to wear as a cape—and tucks it away in a box. Doesn’t throw it out.

He just saves it.

Not because he misses who Lily used to be.

But because every version of his kid is worth loving.

---

Josh levy – When his daughter comes out as a trans man

Josh is pacing in the kitchen, ranting about the latest ridiculous plot hole in a sci-fi show nobody asked him to watch again. You’re doing dishes, half-listening, until your kid—quiet, tired-eyed, hoodie swallowed around his frame—stands in the doorway and clears his throat.

Josh freezes mid-rant.

> “You okay, peanut?”

(He still calls him that, even though he’s fourteen and taller than Josh now.)

Your son takes a shaky breath.

> “Dad, I need to tell you something. And I don’t want you to yell.”

Josh's spine straightens, face suddenly serious.

> “I’m not gonna yell. I swear.”

Another breath.

> “I’m not a girl. I’m a boy. My name’s Eli.”

Josh doesn’t answer right away.

He just… stares. Processing. His brow twitches the way it does when his brain short-circuits from too many emotions at once. Confusion. Shock. Guilt. And then—pain. Because why the hell was his kid scared to tell him?

> “Wait—wait. So... you’re a boy? You’re my son?”

Eli nods, looking at the floor, bracing for something ugly.

Josh swears under his breath. He rubs his eyes with the heel of his hands and paces.

> “Jesus. I didn’t see it. I didn’t see it. How long have you felt like this?”

> “Forever. I just… didn’t know how to say it. I was scared you’d get mad. Or say I was making it up.”

Josh turns to him, eyes glassy, voice cracking with rawness he doesn’t show often.

> “Mad? Mad?! Eli—Eli, I’m not mad. I’m pissed at myself. You think I care if my kid’s a boy, a girl, or a freakin’ alien hybrid with a lightsaber?! You could tell me you wanna live on Mars and I’d be there with a damn helmet on.”

> “But you always talk about, like… genetics. And how people ruin the science in everything—”

> “Yeah, in fiction! You think I care about chromosomes more than I care about you?”

Josh runs a hand through his hair. He’s rambling now.

> “You’re my kid. You’re Eli. You’re my son. And I swear on every signed Boba Fett figure in my room—I will figure this out. I will screw up. I’ll say the wrong thing. But I’ll learn, okay? Because nothing matters more than you. You’re not a phase. You’re you. And I love you.”

Eli wipes his eyes, sniffling.

> “Even if I don’t look like what you expected?”

Josh snorts.

> “Kid, I didn’t expect anything. I thought you’d end up a hacker who lives off SpaghettiOs. But this? This I can handle.”

A beat.

> “…Can I call you 'kiddo' still, or is that lame?”

Eli laughs—a real one this time.

> “Kiddo’s fine.”

Josh pulls him into a fierce hug, whispering into his hair.

> “I got you, kiddo. Always.”

Then, with a sniff and a sudden shift to humor to keep from crying again:

> “Now if anyone at school gives you crap, I will show up in full Federation uniform and quote Spock until their souls leave their bodies.”

Eli chuckles. Josh kisses the top of his head.

> “Welcome home, son.”

---

Jerry – When his child comes out as a trans man

It’s a quiet, golden afternoon. The sun’s pouring in through the windows, making everything feel peaceful. Jerry’s at the kitchen table, humming softly to himself as he mixes up something strange—probably some kind of potion for the garden or one of his magical projects. You can tell he’s in his element, lost in a world of fantasy, but when his daughter walks in, her eyes soft and a little unsure, the mood shifts.

She hesitates in the doorway, looking like she's carrying the weight of a thousand secrets.

Jerry looks up, his smile never wavering.

> “Ah, my brave adventurer! What brings you to my kingdom this fine afternoon?”

She blinks, a little taken aback by the whimsical tone, but it’s a relief. Jerry’s never made things feel heavy, always keeping them light. Her nervousness melts just a little.

> “Dad, can we talk?”

Jerry stands up, immediately sensing something deeper in his voice. He walks over and gives her a gentle touch on the shoulder.

> “Of course, my child. Always. What’s troubling you?”

Nathan takes a deep breath.

> “I’m not a girl, Dad. I’m a boy. My name’s Nathan.”

Jerry’s hands freeze for a second, his eyes widening just slightly. But then, he exhales, calm and thoughtful, as though he’s been expecting this, like it was always a part of the magic that makes Nathan…Nathan

> “Nathan, huh?”

Nathan looks down at the floor, bracing himself for Jerry’s reaction. Jerry places his hands on his son’s shoulders, guiding him gently to sit at the kitchen table. He sits across from him, their eyes meeting. A soft smile tugs at Jerry’s lips.

> “That’s a beautiful name. I knew there was something extraordinary about you. Like a hidden spell that’s been waiting to be cast.”

Nathan’s brow furrows.

> “But… what about all the other stuff? Will you still love me?”

Jerry smiles wider, his eyes soft and warm. His voice drops to a gentle whisper, almost as if he’s sharing a secret.

> “Oh, my brave son… my heart is a house full of love, and it has always had a room just for you. No magic, no potion, no curse could ever change that.”

He takes Nathan’s hand in his own, holding it with tenderness.

> “You are exactly who you are supposed to be. And you will always be enough. In fact, I think you’re even more magical now. More real. Like you’ve shed an old skin and are ready to be something... new.”

Nathan's eyes are welling up now, and Jerry doesn’t shy away from it. He just leans in, wrapping his arms around his son in a soft, almost ethereal embrace.

> “I’m so proud of you, Nathan. I know this can be hard, but I promise you, together, we’ll make this journey. And I will make sure you feel safe in my kingdom, always.”

Nathan sniffles, feeling a weight he didn’t realize he’d been carrying finally start to lift.

> “You’re not disappointed?”

Jerry chuckles softly, brushing a few stray locks of hair out of Nathan’s face.

> “Mad? No. Disappointed? Never. You’re my son, Nathan. Always have been, always will be. And if you ever feel lost, just remember: there’s a whole world of adventures out there, and you’ve got the heart of a hero.”

Nathan finally cracks a smile, and Jerry beams.

> “Now, do you want to see the garden? I’m working on a little something special. I’ve got a potion brewing that might just turn the garden into a fairy wonderland.”

Nathan nods, wiping his eyes.

> “That sounds amazing.”

> “Of course it does,” Jerry says with a wink, “It’s my magic, after all.”

---

[lotus--pond]

Isla headcanons!

she is just like. so good at giving cute lil nicknames. especially to her grandchildren. Veah gets all sorts of things like "littlest star" "baby bird" etc etc. a really cute one I had in mind for Dae was "Seastar" y'know because she's a fish and you know what I mean. and Cari gets all the sun themed nicknames, sunbeam, sunshine, etc etc

the pet names do not stop at the kids, literally everyone she meets, even if she doesn't have like a specific pet name for them or even if they're a stranger it is "sweetie" or "darling" or "love" like she just gives that energy

you know that thing where some parents will sometimes cut up fruit and give it to their kids as a gesture of affection? she does that a lot mostly with Rae. like if he's working on something or its been a particularly exhausting day she'll just cut up an orange and leave it at his desk whenever he has the time to eat it. She's making up for lost time.

speaking of time, she arrives early/exactly on time to every event. She's missed out on so many years and moments with her family that she wants to do everything she can to make up for it.

In the time between when she comes back til like last chronicle episode, Icarus's grave is never anything but spotless. The flowers planted around it are never wilted, the headstone is pristine. It's one of the only thing she can do for him now.

She makes an effort to get to know all of the residents of Lodestar Grove because in her words, family to Rae is family to her.

She loves doing hands on stuff. her house is one continuous diy project. The feeling of something tangible is also just helpful for reminding her that she's not in that damned tube anymore listening to stories, she's out and she's in this moment and this is all real.

her garden? immaculate. It's mostly comprised of flowers, each one representing someone she loves and occasionally she'll cut a bouquet of that flower and give it to that person. her and Athena can bond over this because I like thinking about them as a dynamic

Her and Soul are somehow even closer now. bonding over the whole "I was ripped away from my child for years because Fable fucked me over and now I'm back and oh my god my child is so traumatized what even happened while I was gone" best friends<3

[star-lights-up]

okay okay okay but hear me out: cherik modern au no powers, mob boss dark!charles.

But we don't know that yet.

This starts with Erik.

He had a rough past, I'm thinking probably something related to Shaw, something with his parents dying, probably some time in jail, failed relationships, and some internalized homophobia mixed in there.

Anyways. He's doing okay, now. He keeps to himself. He does NOT go to therapy even though he probably should. He works a very basic nine to five. He's probably got depression. Possibly a bit of an eating disorder, because for some reason i love doing that to him. No friends, no family, just kind of numb and drifting.

Then he meets Charles.

I don't know how exactly it would happen, but it would be the most typical meet cute to end all meet cutes. Pure, fluffy fluff, straight from a hallmark movie type shit -- someone spills coffee, someone reaches for the same carton of milk at the same time as the other, SOMETHING. But Erik meets Charles, this cute little british guy with big blue eyes and freckles and an eighties haircut. He's obviously flirting with him, and Erik finds himself flirting right back, and so it goes. Charles asks for his number.

He goes out to dinner with Charles the next day, ends up spending the night at his apartment -- a big penthouse suite in one of the nicest areas of the city. And Charles is funny and charming and very, very good at making innuendos when Erik least expects him to, and with Charles's lips on his Erik begins to wonder if this could be his happily ever after, the thing that all the songs on the radio talk about, the big finale at the end of every movie.

Quickly, he learns that Charles is rich -- very, very rich. How a genetics professor is that rich, he doesn't know, but Charles buys him expensive gifts and takes him traveling and Erik refuses at first, of course, because he doesn't need Charles's charity, but Charles insists that it's just his love language, and it could make no difference to him and, well, Erik doesn't mind it so much when they're sequestered in a nice hotel room in Paris.

Soon enough, he's living with Charles. Marrying Charles.

It's wonderful. Erik feels so at home with him, feels adored and special in his eyes, feels like this is payment for everything he's ever suffered through.

And then he stumbles upon some things. Some things he shouldn't have seen.

And that's how he learns that Charles -- sweet, Charles, the guy who comes off as so innocent (though Erik knows he's anything but, but he didn't expect THIS) -- is the most feared crime lord in the whole of the city.

It becomes increasingly clear that everything charles does, everything he says, even to Erik, is calculated. His entire life is a game of manipulation, and Erik's found himself on one of the strings.

Charles has crafted the image he portrays, the perfectly sweet and wide-eyed, bumbling professor. Erik sees it fall away, sees him with his underlings, the way he's feared. The way everyone's spines straighten when he walks into a room.

Part of Erik feels special. Here's this terrifying man, of great means and with great looks and charm, who could have anyone and anything he wants -- who's chosen Erik. He says that that hasn't changed. He tells him that he does love him. That he is special. That he doesn't want anyone else.

The other part of Erik is terrified. The logical part. He tries to file for divorce, tries to run. It works for a little while -- even though his existence seems entirely desolate without Charles's easy smile and witty conversation to fill it.

Of course, Charles comes after him. Asks him to please, reconsider. He's still committed, if Erik is. That Erik can have anything he wants in the world, out of life, with him by his side. Reminds him that Erik loves him. He said so.

Erik tells him that whatever they had clearly wasn't love. It was lies. But somehow he ends up in Charles's arms and Charles's bed again, and he knows that it was his choice, and... well...

That's how Erik Lehnsherr ended up the most feared mob boss of New York city's husband. Till death do them part.

[erwinsvow]

love both the robby and langdon sister suggestions but i’m still thinking about walsh’s sister!! i think there’s some potential there, walk with me. walsh is a surgical attending meaning there’s a lot of pressure there and big shoes to fill when you’re also going into the medical field. i also think it would add to it since walsh is also night shift

have SOOOOOOO many thoughts on this. when i made that post i was honestly thinking walsh's little sister but i wanted to leave it up in the air. this is SOOOO amazing. i'm not just walking sister i'm running with you. sooo we can decide if reader would be on the surgery team but i personally looove me a first year emergency reader. just bright eyed and bushy tailed, the nurse's favorite, and i think it's fun if you're very different from your sibling!!!! walsh's personality in the show is so fun to watch because i loooove how she snaps at people. and she's not in too much which is sad so i hope we see more of her. i personally headcanon that she and jack didn't have a relationship she just hates him because he's annoying as fuck. "crazy pants" "fancy pants" little sister reader staring between them like guys.. the patient? soooo a little sweetheart reader who is eager to impress and her little mean streak comes out and in those moments you sound just like emery. snapping at a patient who's screaming at his nurses, being a little stickler for the rules, not hesitating to get an opinion from surgery (aka your big sister!) unlike some of the others. it's natural to you to go to her when you have a question you can't figure out the answer to. she helped you decide what field to go into, what shoes are the best for twelve hour shifts, how to adjust to night shift, what type of cookies to bake to bring in because it's been a bad week and everyone needs a pick me. things you cannot go to your big sister about: your crush on your attending, how you see the entire world in the green of his eyes, how you can't focus when he stands next to you and how to not be weird about having a huge crush on your attending. obviously it's not gonna take jack that long to put two and two together—he's always liked you but at some point like turned into really like turned into dot dot dot. turned into midnight conversations and grabbing your arm and ducking behind a wall when your sister shows up so he can finish listening to your story before she takes you away. turned into trying to snap less at her so you don't think it's hopeless when you finally tell her about you two. turned into being the one who gets to console you after a bad loss instead of your sister—that one really bites. also how she finds out—catches you crying in jack's arms behind a curtain and sees jack lean in for a forehead kiss and all hell breaks loose. emery stands by the fact that jack is annoying and has no business dating his residents!!!! except it's clear you two love each other. they both volunteer at the VA together so it's not like he's completely unlikable—everyone knows jack abbot is a good guy and exactly the kind of guy you want dating your sister. does NOT approve of the age difference and is meaner about it than your parents are. you would never hear the end of "i know everyone's got daddy issues these days but this is taking a little far" and "get away from my sister before i stab you with this scalpel." I LOVE THEM!!

[fivewantscoffee]

I don't know. I think between horrifically losing her parents when she was really young and being raised by the Handler (who turned out to be the reason why her parents were murdered in the first place, and was super manipulative all around) Lila should have had some more nuanced feelings concerning motherhood and raising kids of her own.

S3 briefly brought it up, and then... nothing.

Lila has three children, and all we get about her thoughts and feelings on the matter is the BAREST of minimums: after being away from them, lost for several years, she chooses her children over staying at the strawberry greenhouse.

Which, good! That was the right thing to do, I just wish we knew how she feels about being a mother now that she actually is one.

Does she feel like she's raising them right? Is she afraid of getting it wrong? What are her thoughts on the Handler now that she has children? Also, she likes adventure. She spent her entire life up until the reset being a time travelling assassin... does she ever miss that, or the excitement of it at least? Does she ever feel trapped in her life and then feel horribly guilty, because what does that mean for her as a mother? She loves her children, but is that enough, is it ever going to be enough?

UGHHH!! Just imagine how interesting it could've been if Lila's arc this season had been about motherhood and her insecurities/complex feelings about it, not about being lost on the subway and kissing her brother-in-law.

[karmacharmeleon18]

I've seen you talk about Kevin and other things (I totally agree, and I love your analysis). I'd like to know what you think about Jeremy and your analysis of him and Jean (I love them).

By the way, I get the impression that Leo and Kevin are a "parallel" in terms of men that Jean and Jeremy will overcome to be together. Leo sold Jeremy for a car (a means of transporting him wherever he wants, something for his freedom). We can understand that Kevin "sold" (or rather, sacrificed) Jean to gain his freedom as well. It wasn't a sellout per se, but yes, I think there's a parallel here.

Jeremy and Jean have been betrayed by people they loved. And yet, they've continued to acquiesce, to a certain extent, in their continued mistreatment. Kevin would undoubtedly "sell" Jean again to escape as well (even if the fandom doesn't want to see it).

What are your thoughts on this?

I think that, at the same time that Jeremy tells Leo to fuck off, Jean will tell Kevin to fuck off (I don't think these two will still be in touch when this is all over, I'm pretty sure of it).

Omg I’m so sorry I didn’t answer sooner but I didn’t get a notification 😭 now I’m logged on my laptop and making my way through all the stuff the app didn’t show me and this is 5 DAYS OLD??????? I’m so sorry and thank you for your patience!

I’m going to split this into sections because my brain feels fried tonight and I need some order lol

Jeremy

Jeremy Knox (Moreu🤞🏾) my beloved ❤

I adore Jeremy, I would kill for Jeremy, I would die for Jeremy, I would live for Jeremy (I am secretly Jean Moreau)

But! I don't talk much about him because there's just so. much. we. don't. know. He is so sunny and yet so closed-off, his family is so big, so complicated

What do you mean we don't even know what Joshua's text said?

What do mean we don’t even know when his parents got divorced exactly and his family started unraveling?

What do you mean all the sex scenes are fade-to-black and barely described because Jeremy might be disassociating the whole time?

What do you mean he might be suicidal but we only got one throwaway half-sentence about it?

Figuring out one Jeremy Knox is hard as shit

So for the most part, I just go along with Jean's opinion of him lol the more their relationship develops, the more they interact, the more I see Jeremy

And not because Jeremy only exists as part of JereJean, but because Jeremy is just so inscrutable on his own

So I collect every little tidbit, every little clue, every morsel like a little raccoon from Jean's POV (which includes Cody's and Cat's and Laila's words and opinions on Jeremy) to try and figure him out

Like Cody saying that you did not want to cross freshman (on drugs) Jeremy

Was it because he was on drugs? Or was Jeremy always a bit of an asshole, and the drugs just accentuated that?

Realistically, Jeremy grew up as a rich white boy in 2000s White Supremacy Land (🦅🦅🦅). It makes sense that even before the drugs, he was probably the classic stereotype of a rich kid: arrogant, carefree, fucking around (literally) and finding out without a care in the world because he knew he always had a comfortable cushion to fall back on if things went sideways

We don’t know exactly when Mathilda married into the Wilshire family, but I assume Jeremy was in middle school? Start of high school? But even before that, Mathilda is a doctor, and considering how snobbish she is, she probably comes from a good upper-middle class if not rich rich family herself, her mother was a popular actress (though that can mean everything and nothing, because in the past being a famous female lead wasn't necessarily enough to make you super rich)

(It would be so interesting to see what compelled her to marry a military man and have 5 kids with him… a bout of teenage rebellion? Or were they high school sweethearts and then he decided to join the Army? Or maybe she does not come from money, actually, and only after she got a taste of what life with money could be like she decided to move on from him)

As a teen Jeremy wasn’t particularly guarded with his sexuality, to the point that most people in high school knew he was gay in early 2000s USA. Was it because he knew the power of the Wilshire family? That one donation would make any scandal go away? That no one would dare lay a hand against him, no matter how strong their bigotry?

Teen Jeremy clung to the Knox name, to the idea of their family, but he still undoubtedly benefited from being associated with the Wilshires. And still does, considering it was only thanks to a 7 figure donation to USC that part of the banquet scandal was covered up, ensuring that he could still be a Trojan, which led up to the story as it is today, with him being the captain of the team

Jeremy has a lot of privilege. And it comes at a very high price: his freedom

This is what drives me insane about Jeremy and Jean, outwardly they couldn’t be more different as people, and yet their circumstances and their darkest thoughts about themselves are so similar

They are so similar afhabkadjsbfasj

Really cute and fitting art by @bananakeiky that encapsulates JereJean, their very different personalities and dispositions and yet very similar views of themselves:

I love these two oblivious idiots so so so soooo much 😭🥹

I’m convinced that Jeremy is the best possible person for Jean. And Jean is the best possible person for Jeremy.

Cat, Laila, the floozies, Rhemann are all great people for Jeremy and Jean

But Jeremy and Jean can understand each other in a way no one else can

In Jeremy, Jean sees someone who went through neglect, trauma, grief and still came out of it so openly, undeniably, proudly kind

In Jean, Jeremy found someone that will not flinch away from the darkest parts of him, that will understand and reciprocate that kindness in a way no one else can

(Jean will treat you so right, Jeremy, just you wait)

Jeremy’s “sex addiction”

In a previous pots I mentioned how Jeremy uses hookups as a substitute for drugs: Jeremy has a personality that is prone to addictions and even before the drugs, he enjoyed hookups as a teenager; then his attention was almost fully taken up by the pills and the cocaine, and once that was removed, back he went to old habits, only worse

So, so, so much worse

Because if before sex was fun, now it’s a way for Jeremy to hurt himself

imo Jeremy is not addicted to sex because of the pleasure

(and atp I don’t even know if most people would consider it a sex addiction at all then? but bear with me)

Jeremy enjoys casual sex because his hookups treat him in the exact way he believes he deserves to be treated

Jeremy believes he deserves to be treated like shit

And sure, his family also treats him like shit, but that’s only half of the equation

The other half is that with his hookups Jeremy gets to feel useful, he gets to feel like he has a purpose, a positive impact on someone else on an intimate level

(I think this is why Nora called him a service top, he believes he can’t be anything else, he can’t take pleasure, he only deserves to give it)

The Wilshires consider him good for nothing, but for his hookups he’s good at one thing at least

(he’s still not good enough to be treated kindly, to be romanced, to be loved, and that’s ok because he doesn’t deserve that anyway, right?)

His hookups always happen after moments of emotional turmoil for Jeremy, and they’re all fade-to-black

This might just be because Nora doesn’t care to describe sex that isn’t JereJean… but it might also be because Jeremy straight up disassociates the whole time??????

And maybe THAT is what he’s addicted to??????

Before: sex is fun!

Now: when I have sex, only the other person matters, I can stop thinking, I can stop existing as Jeremy Knox

Cocaine can make you feel unstoppable, invincible, and for a teenager that feels like he’ll never be enough for his parents, that is incredibly addicting

But for current Jeremy? The Jeremy that feels responsible for his little brother’s death? He doesn’t deserve to feel unstoppable and invincible, he deserves to feel like nothing, like he doesn’t even exist

The disassociation is the addiction

(of course this is mostly speculation, because Jeremy is just too inscrutable to me 😕)

I would love, absolutely LOVE for Jeremy to tell Leo (and Faser, and every other hookup) to fuck off and rot, you piece of shit. I would love a good verbal evisceration and maybe a right hook 👊💥

But do I expect it? Not really 😂

Because for Jeremy it’s just so important to not be that type of person

It’s like the Trojans never getting a red card in 4 years and then headcanoning that they get one to protect Jean, you know?

The Trojans just don’t want to be that type of team

And while I believe that some of the Trojans behave this way out of self-righteousness, it’s not the case for Jeremy

In the beginning, Jeremy’s behavior came from an unhealthy place, his belief that being the perfect captain and sportsmanlike athlete is the only thing that can make up for the fact that he is Jeremy

But now, I think Jeremy truly appreciates the effect that good sportsmanship can have on people, the type of example he is setting for younger athletes, for queer athletes: you can be one of the best without having to resort to violence, to cheap shots; people will hate you and put you down but you will never stay down, and the people that count will support and admire you

Jeremy has discovered kindness and he’s never going back

Jeremy is not the type of person to treat others unkindly not because he is perfect, not because he is uwu my little blorbo too pure for this world

But because he very much doesn’t want to be that type of person

It’s so important for him that he is not.

So I have to put all my wishes of glorious, violent vindication aside and respect that this is Jeremy, you know?

Maybe Nora will surprise us, maybe she will give us a Jeremy spitting venom at his tormentors and punching an asshole or two in the face

But if she doesn’t, that’s ok, that makes sense

Learning to stand up for yourself doesn't necessarily mean learning to be less kind

Kevin and Leo might be parallels in the way Jean and Jeremy simply walk away from them in the end (together, holding hands)

.

Kevin

I know some people in the fandom see Kevin as some sort of super-ally-mastermind but I don’t think he could have ever predicted the bond Jean and Jeremy formed. Kevin just saw a kind man nicknamed Captain Sunshine and decided that if someone had a chance to take in a stray Raven and turn him into a human, it was him. The fact that Jeremy is gay and the Trojans the quuerest college team in the country is not a coincidence, I do think Kevin was looking out for Jean in some way, but there’s no way Kevin could have predicted JereJean. Kevin barely sees Jean as a person. He sees him as a Raven, only worse, because other Ravens were assets, while Jean was property and treated as such. Kevin saw Jean being treated like an animal, year after year, and saw the fight slowly bleed out of him, year after year

I don’t think he started seeing Jean as a full-fledged person until he saw him in California. And not because Kevin is as evil as Riko. But simply because Kevin witnessed almost all traces of humanity being stripped from Jean

In general, this is one of Kevin’s problems in my opinion: because of his upbringing and trauma, Kevin sees those around him as athletes first, them being people is secondary

Which is why he ignored all the abuse happening in the Nest, not only the cruelty directed at Jean. The Ravens were dominating as athletes, and that’s all Kevin cared about. And he’s the same with the Foxes, they matter to him as athletes, not as people

I’m gonna borrow something I wrote in my first Kevin analysis:

“But where Kevin is hellbent on making everyone around him miserable, because his whole life he’s been convinced that greatness is born from misery, Neil wants to make everyone around him better for the sake of being better.

Better Exy players, but better people, too. Neil understands you can’t have one without the other. But Kevin is so single-mindedly focused on Exy that he doesn’t care about the people, he only cares about the athletes.”

So even removed from the context of the Nest/cult/abuse, Kevin has a problem relating with other people as people

He is aware that they are people, it just doesn’t matter to him

But with Jean, I’m not sure he thought of him as a person for a long time

Strip a Fox of the athlete, and you’ll find a damaged person

Strip Jean of the athlete, and you’ll find a beaten animal

(I’m not saying it’s Kevin’s fault, that Kevin is the antichrist or Riko’s “other half”, I’m saying that Kevin was abused by a cult and his vision of life and humanity was warped to such a dramatic extent that he genuinely struggles with making human connections, and it’s the same issue the other Ravens have, and they, too, don’t see Jean as a person, but as an object to be passed around, a creature to abuse)

I think that, in his own way, Kevin does care for Jean. Just not enough.

He cared about Jean… but he still asked Jean to teach him French, knowing full well Jean’s punishment if found out would be terrible. He still gave Jean articles about the Trojans with pictures of Jeremy in them, knowing full well that Riko would make Jean bleed almost to death if he discovered him, because queers don’t belong on his Court, and what else could you possibly be doing with articles about Knox and his team when you can barely read English?

This is what I dislike the most about Kevin. He never thinks about the consequences. Because he doesn’t care. As long as the consequences don’t affect him directly, he doesn’t care

Kevin sees most people as existing for him

(not in the same way as Riko did, who fully believed he owned others; Kevin was simply taught that everyone has a role at Evermore, and Kevin’s is to be one of the best, top of the food chain, and everyone else has do his bidding and take insult after insult from him; he keeps this same behavior with the Foxes and with Jean, this is what we – Kevin critics – mean when we say that Kevin constantly pulls rank: he gives orders and throws insults because he believes it’s his right to do so)

Kevin wanted a friend in the Nest, and here comes this terrified young boy that will cling to anyone that shows him an ounce of gentleness. So Kevin gets a friend, and gets to learn a language they can gossip in that no one else understands, and gets to talk about the Trojans as much as he wants and if Riko finds out, who is he most likely to focus all his wrath on, his brother or the queer foreign boy?

Let me repeat again that Kevin is a victim. Like Thea. Like every Raven. Like Riko.

So why do I dislike him so much? Again, because consequences. All Kevin needs to do to survive the Nest is believe in the Master. He doesn’t need French lessons, he doesn’t need to share articles about the Trojans. He doesn’t need a friend who is Riko’s property

But Kevin still wants all those things and gets them, because fuck what the consequences are for Jean, and that’s what I have an issue with

And then, in that first year in the Nest, their friendships dies, because too much happens between them, too much violence (against Jean), too much abuse (against Jean), too much torture (against Jean), and Jean had to give and give and give to Riko and the Master already, he couldn’t also give to Kevin all that Kevin wanted. Because as I’ve said before, Kevin is a taker, he takes your time and attention and your knowledge of another language and your passion for another team, and in exchange he turns the other way as you get tortured

(not that he could do anything about it, but imagine being Jean and the guy you idolize just wants to use you for what benefits you can bring him)

And if that’s not enough, when Riko breaks his hand, Kevin uses that old, long-dead friendship against Jean to convince him to distract Riko as he makes his escape

“If you were ever friends with me, get him out of my room.”

And Jean does

And Kevin escapes

And Jean almost gets killed by Riko for it

And in TSC we get a moment that is very important but easily forgotten: when Jean is staying at Abby’s and Kevin visits him, Jean sees bottomless guilt in his eyes

That’s something, right?

I do think Kevin and Leo are parallels, but still, I would not compare them beyond a surface-level assessment, beyond the guy uses you when he can benefit from it, but doesn’t care for you the rest of the time

Yes, on the surface Kevin and Leo are both the subjects of misplaced, ill-advised affection, they are untrustworthy, selfish and would 100% do it again

But Leo is just a rich kid, a privileged asshole, someone who could make so many different choices and yet he always chooses to hurt Jeremy

Kevin never had much of a choice. He was in a cult. Yes, he was treated like a little god, a prince of the court always serving his King by most of the people at Evermore. But he was still abused by the Master like every other Raven. And he was still stuck with Riko

In the beginning their relationship wasn’t too terrible, in a world of abuse, they clung to each other. Kevin hated Riko like he hated nobody else, but he also loved Riko like he loved nobody else. He arrived at the Nest as a kid, after losing his mother, his entire world. He needed something, someone to cling to or he would lose his mind with grief and never survive the Master’s abusive tactics. And this is what cults do, no one is safe because they know how to take advantage of your grief, how to make sure you fall into their clutches when you’re at your weakest (and in Kevin’s and Jean’s case, they orchestrated the conditions for such grief to happen in the first place, by killing Kayleigh and convincing the Moreaus into trafficking their son). Pretty soon he started to believe the Master’s teachings, that he belonged by Riko’s side, his perpetual second, his submissive adoptive brother. He accepted that, convinced himself of it. To survive. And he was content with his life, with the bright future he had ahead of him if only he could endure and ignore what was happening around him

But then the Master gave Jean to Riko, and Riko got a taste of absolute power over another person, and impunity, and he slowly started descending into madness. That was always his fate, with all the pressure the Master put on him, and all the disappointment of being a spare Moriyama, but I believe that Jean was the catalyst for the Riko-madness speedrun.

Maybe Riko would have shattered Kevin’s hand in every universe; maybe that was the inevitable ending, because Riko is Riko, and Kevin is Kevin, and once Thea puts it in Kevin’s mind that he is better than the King, he inevitably, in every universe, starts testing the limits, pushing boundaries; and in every universe the Master notices his talent and decides to pit them against each other to determine who’s the rightful King

Or maybe Riko only shatters Kevin’s hand in this universe, the universe where Jean was his property, where he became addicted to having absolute power over someone else and torturing those who were already down

Which would mean that without Jean, without all the horrible things he endured in the Nest, in this universe Kevin could never be free

Kevin’s freedom comes at Jean’s expense, not only on that terrible day, but from the moment Jean was born

And isn’t that a terrible thought?

(and also… the only reason Kevin manages to escape is that Jean is kind, that one mention of their dead friendship is enough to convince Jean to distract the monster, and isn’t that also terrible? That Jean’s kindness was almost his demise? … but then, Renee realizes Jean is dying because Jean decides that his last coherent action in his existence is to text her to thank her, so Jean’s kindness is also what saves him and I-- askgfsjfgshafkjb)

Anyway, Kevin didn’t have much of a choice. I am angry that he left Jean to die, took advantage of Jean’s gentle nature and trapped him into distracting Riko. If Riko was angry before, he was absolutely furious once he realized Jean helped Kevin escape (albeit unknowingly)

And I’m angry about the French lessons and the Trojan articles, and all the instances where Jean would be brutally punished if found out while Kevin could just shrug the whole incident off, just like he shrugs off the fact that Jean was raped several times. I’m boiling with rage

But I also understand that Kevin was an abused teenager who grew up in a cult. He was desperate to have a friend in the Nest. And then he was desperate to escape

And Jean knows that:

Jean never expected Kevin to protect him. Jean never expects anyone to protect him. Zane only does so in exchange for a spot on the Perfect Court, and even he would never dare contradict Riko. Yes, Kevin had some sway with Riko, Riko did love him in his own way, but at the end of the day, Riko is a Moriyama, and Kevin is not (and even as a Moriyama, your value depends entirely on your date of birth). By normal standards, their dynamic is less of brothers and more of master and pet (Nora verbatim calls Kevin Riko’s pet in the extra content). You love your pets, you indulge them when it costs you nothing (history classes) but if you’re an abusive piece of shit, you will also always put them back in their place whenever they overstep

And remember when Neil was in the Nest? Jean was his partner, and yet he couldn’t protect him from Riko’s violence. Didn’t even try. All he could do was patch him up and beg him to behave

Jean never expected Kevin’s help. That’s how things work in the Nest

Jean would’ve slashed Kevin’s tires to prevent his escape. Not as a way to avoid Riko’s wrath. But because he knew that with a broken hand Kevin would only last a couple of months in the Nest before killing himself. And at that point Jean would be free to follow.

For Jean, Kevin’s worst slight against him was not leaving him in the Nest to die

It was keeping him out of it to live

Don’t get me wrong, a part of Jean will always suffer because of Kevin’s betrayal, and I do think that a part of him wants Kevin to die for reasons unrelated to their promise, purely because he wants to be free from Kevin Day, because Kevin Day represents everything that was done to him in the Nest

For a couple of years, Kevin symbolized a reprieve in the midst of a nightmare

But now?

Now that Jean is living in the light of the California sun, Kevin symbolizes the fear, the anger, the powerlessness Jean felt in those awful years at Evermore

Kevin went from being a dream within a nightmare, to part of the nightmare itself

Following him all the way to California

One look too close at Kevin, and Jean is transported back to all the painful punishments he incurred because of Kevin

(directly - the French lessons, Kevin's escape - and indirectly - Riko realizing Jean is queer and deciding to torture the queerness out of him)

That’s why I keep bringing up Jean's reaction to close contact with Kevin, so strong, so visceral that Jeremy is perplexed by it:

This goes beyond the internalized homophobia of: "oh, shit, I was attracted to a guy", or the reminder that "oh, shit, I was attracted to this guy"

This is the horror of someone who's awaiting punishment, who's feeling breath on the back of his neck and blades against his skin. Jean might even be experiencing a proper flashback of all the painful things he's had to bear because of "this guy"

Jeremy is not jealous in that moment. He is perplexed. Concerned. Because Jean was spiraling and he didn't understand why

So what can Jean do now?

I know we all want vindication for Jean. We all want an epic badass moment where Jean punches Kevin in the face and tells him to fuck off. We all want Kevin begging for forgiveness on his knees (as if!)

But deep down, all I want is for Jean to feel indifferent

He deserves to be relieved of all the powerfully negative feelings Kevin elicits in him

I want Jean to be free

Free of every ghost belonging to the Nest... and Kevin is one of them

And sure, one could feel liberated after punching someone in the face lol

But violence is the Ravens' way

The best possible thing Nora can do for Jean, is have him walk away from Kevin

That's the closure he deserves

And I don't mean forever, before I get attacked again by Kevin stans. But right now Jean hates Kevin, and I want him to stop feeling such negative emotions and focus on himself, and all the positivity around him

Jean "getting over Kevin" doesn't necessarily mean shutting Kevin out of his life completely

But right now I do think it’s necessary, Jean simply cannot heal with Kevin around, because Kevin is still a Raven at heart:

In a few years I can see them having the same relationship they have right now (barely interacting, but being mostly civil with each other when they have to), minus the hatred and violence simmering right under the surface

One day they could even have the same type of rapport Kevin has with Jeremy at the moment, of long-distance approval, maybe even admiration

They could, potentially, become friendly in the future

(I don't know about proper friends, though: Nora said Kevin's behavior forever destroyed any chance at a friendship with Jean, that at the moment Kevin doesn't have any friends, and it'll take him years, well into his pro career, to create genuine bonds with Neil, Andrew, Jeremy, even Thea, despite her being the closest person to him right now - and that says a lot, too)

But right now I just want Jean to be free

And the same goes for Jeremy, and it goes far beyond Leo, he is a stand-in for the Wilshires, and that is Jeremy’s main issue

Jeremy and Jean feel so much

That the best type of vindication can only come from them not feeling anything anymore for the people that hurt them

Jean needs to walk away from Kevin to heal, and Jeremy needs to walk away from Leo, the hookups and the Whilshires to heal

In a way, Jean is in a better, more promising situation than Jeremy. Because Jean is far away from the Nest, and has minimal contact with Kevin. But Jeremy is forced to see his family every day, and forces himself to see Leo because hookups are the only thing he can control at the moment

Boy, oh, boy, Jeremy is about to break

And Jean will be there to hold him together

And maybe at the end of it all they will finally start living

(I'm not sure my heart can take it 🥹 I'm not ready for Book 3 but at the same time I am SAT)

[yandere-fics]

♡ Sophie Is Sweet To Her Wife Sometimes ♡

(More apocalypse auuuuu)

♡ It's hard for her to switch between her punishing side to her loving her wife side so most of the time she just comes across as coarse and mean but that doesn't mean she doesn't love or care for her wife. Even though the apocalypse has been going on since she was 16 and I imagine she got married at around 24, the cult is still in it younger stages where the sisters must always be aware of anyone trying to make a grasp for power. It weighs heavily on Sophie almost every day which might make you think she doesn't care at all but if she didn't she wouldn't have gotten married at all, her sister Darla already had enough wives to keep the cult all connected, she only took hers because she liked you. ♡

♡ She only touches you with her gloves when she's punishing you or others, her hands are reserved for when her wife has been good, she thinks of this as her being soft and sweet when really a lot of the time it just comes off as scary. Makes you fear whenever she does put the gloves on because that means she's ready to punish you or going to make you witness someone else being tortured. If you ever tell her that you're scared of the gloves she won't really understand, why be scared? Just don't try to leave her and you won't have to face the gloves. They're made of a thick leather, if you get close enough to her for her to trust you can handle things you'll find out it's human skin leather layered with leather from the mutated creatures beyond the wall. ♡

♡ Kissing is something she's not all that confident in, it's not that she doesn't want to kiss you but hers are rough and aggressive. She'll probably be shocked if her wife greets her with a kiss when she comes home. Remember that this version of Sophie never got to venture out and her parents were not at all affectionate with each other plus the old church taught kissing was for rough people, she has a whole picture of kissing as this aggressive act in her head. It would take awhile for you to teach her how to be soft when she kisses you. Her neck kisses are a bit softer though surprisingly. Mostly through trial and error, her biting at your neck to mark you, hearing you cry in pain and then softening it the next time. It'll never be super tender but when you've been with Sophie so long even this much starts to feel sweet. If you do get her used to kissing when she comes home which is something she never ever saw her parents do, she'll start expecting it and give you maybe a mild punishment if you forget. Probably just pinching your cheek until you kiss her when she finds whichever room of the house you're in, unless you had a good explanation. ♡

♡ Dinner and food is still very much a form of affection to Sophie, one that she will be upset if you reject. She gets up before her wife every morning to make breakfast and your lunch before she wakes you up to let you know she'll be leaving. Quality of food can drastically vary based on how much human flesh the group has and what the hunters found outside the walls. Expect to eat some very bizarre eggs from a mutated creature. Don't worry if they have to give you something that the quality is unknown she'll leave you with some medicines to settle your stomach. When she sends teams out scavenging she makes them gather bottles of gummy vitamins they can find under the pretense of giving them out to the sick for extra help but really anything that isn't expired is going towards you. You're getting very random vitamin doses, one month it's a prenatal cause she figured it can't actually be harmful and the next it's just a straight up iron supplement. Don't worry you probably need a little bit of extra iron anyways cause of the energy the apocalypse takes. ♡

♡ She's actually shockingly gentle after punishments. It feels like whiplash cause she just tied you up in the freezing air over night but now she's taking a day off to warm you up inside and cook extra foods for you. She doesn't talk much, there's not a lot she could say but she does give you books and will occasionally ask you what you're reading about. She gets a bit agitated if it's a romance novel though cause she's aware she's not like one of those plus if you need love she'd much prefer you try to get it from her, if you ask really nicely, especially after a punishment she'll sit quietly on the couch next to you and let you snuggle against her. Once she starts to grasp the concept she might even hold you back. There's not a lot of hobbies that can be done in the wastes besides reading but even Skye has stopped reading at that point because she takes her role in the cult extremely serious. She'll try her best to get people to find you something to do, if you're lucky they might get a puzzle that's missing some pieces or maybe find a mutated animal that can make weird yarn for you. ♡

♡ On anniversary's she can't promise to take the day off but she can at least shove some wild flowers in your face with your morning weird eggs while grumbling about how she doesn't understand this tradition at all. Again it might come across as her not caring since she's dismissing it even as she's doing it but her going out of her way for this at all does mean a lot. If you're really really lucky and looting has been productive you can expect a new dress on your anniversary as long as you promise to never wear it outside and only wear the other thick dress she approved outside. She'd prefer to get you pajamas but those are too much of a flimsy luxury in the apocalypse, at best you can get an old t shirt to sleep. She does tell you though that she'll shred those and make you sleep naked if you even think of wearing it outside. Really dampens the mood there. ♡

♡ Hair care is another way she shows love. A big priority raiding item is soaps and conditioners to keep them from getting infected and to prevent hair getting tangled and caught in things. The priestesses of course have to keep their appearance nice but Sophie regardless always takes more than she's supposed to just for her wife, priestesses can rot for all she cares, they're just a means to an end but her wife is her wife. She'll also cut her hair short so there's less that has to go into it and more for her wife. You could grow your hair out to your feet for all she cares, she'll whip anyone who tries to comment on her wife's over indulgence when you're not even a holy woman or if you were you're not actively serving as one anymore. You'll still get snide comments from her though and if you try to run away she'll cut it all off. If you do grow it long then in the morning she might even braid it back and put it up for you before she goes. It feels random to have her brushing your hair out but you'll get used to it. ♡

♡ So while you might not hear her tell you that she loves you very often if ever, she still does express it somewhat. ♡

[pennyplainknits]

Helianthus: The Girl Steve Series

Now that the Girl Steve series is (mostly) finished with Rewrite an Ending or Two being complete I want to talk a little bit more about it, especially about Rewrite an Ending, as it's the longest thing I've ever written, and knowing that it's finished has me feeling kind of sad and unmoored.

This got kind of long so it's going under the cut. Spoilers for all three fics in the Helianthus series.

When I started writing the series (which is based on an idea from @torakowalski) I had three vague questions in my mind. What does it mean for Steve to be a girl, and a pregnant one at that? What does that change about her relationships and actions? What does THAT mean for the eventual outcome of Vecna's attacks on Hawkins? Essentially, what butterfly effects happen with a Jonathan and a Steve that are NOT antagonists (and a Nancy and a Steve that are)?

I was determined from the start that as far as possible, Steve's character and vibe would be similar to what we see in the show. It was important, for example, that she's Steve, not Stevie or Steph or Steffi. It still has that 80s vibe to it, and while Steve is feminine, she cares about looking hot (not so much looking PRETTY, that's Nancy) she also still has that jockish athletic outlook. She's still captain of two sports teams, she's tall (5'11) and strong, direct, loving, a little goofy, was cool and then suddenly not, and she loves her friends. She loves her car, and she thinks in sports metaphors. She's as recklessly brave as we see in the show, and she's been involved in the Upside Down since the start. She loves her first serious partner deeply, and is deeply hurt by their cheating.

So far, so similar. So what changes?

Well first the social cachet of 'hot, good at sports, rich' along with 'hooks up a lot' hits different for a teenage girl than it does teenage boy, especially as Steve's good at basketball and swimming, not like, gymnastics and figure skating. She's not going to to be the tiny, pretty pageant queen daughter of the rich businessman, and being good at sports has less useful social business cachet when the person being good at them is female. I imagine that's why the split with her parents happens in this 'verse.

So while she's still Queen Steve, it has a bit of a different vibe. The stuff will Billy has an even more overt sexual element in a "why does this hot chick think she's better than me" sense, and the concussions have a longer lasting effect- they're the reason she loses her place on the basketball team and with it, the companionship of her team mates. It's why such a big through-line of all three fics is Steve figuring she can manage on her own, and then finding out she doesn't have to.

But what it does give, and what sets the butterflies off to flap their continuity-changing wings, is a perfect person for Chrissy to talk to.

As soon as I started the fic i knew I had three lives to save: Patrick (who is saved through his mother), Eddie, and Chrissy. And it started with saving Chrissy. Steve's been where Chrissy is, at the top of the social pyramid. She knows it's possible to survive falling off it. And she has no time for Jason, and no compunction in telling Chrissy he's a waste of space. And that's enough to start the ball rolling, and change Chrissy's fate. Which ultimately, changes Eddie's too.

The last thing I wanted was to make Vecna's defeat consistent with what we've seen in the show. Why IS there no water in the Upside Down? What does it mean? Why don't they use fire more, when we know that it's the one thing that helps? And where is Kali? Why didn't El reach out to her, once she got her powers back, especially as Kail's powers are so similar to Henry's own? Answering those questions gave me a way to pull off Vecna's defeat that wasn't just 'Eddie lives because I say so.'

I feel like I've written way more than I meant to, and I've still got more to say. So I guess, ask me anything?

As for what happens next, I do feel the series is at a natural stopping point, but I have a whole complex headcanon about what happens NEXT, so never say never I guess.

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.