#just another tuesday 🤪

[if-mirrormine]

Sending my apologies now

I humbly submit a hastily written prequel to your yandere!Grayson drabble. I cannot stop rolling around the question in my head of how he could potentially go from ‘overprotective/lightly obsessed’ to ‘I’m gonna kill anyone who looks at you’

(I’m sorry if it’s a faux pas to send this, and I’d like to reiterate how much I do love Grayson’s actual personality)

The first time it happened, Grayson would swear up and down to himself that it was an accident.

He wasn’t looking to hurt the guy, he just wanted to scare him off a bit. After all, if this guy wasn’t able to defend himself, then how could he possibly hope to defend MC if push came to shove?

And that’s all it was really. Just a shove. A poorly timed, miscalculated shove.

He definitely didn’t plan it. When MC was gushing over their first date since things had settled down, they weren’t exactly telling Grayson the important details like ‘where does this guy live’ or ‘how easy would he go down in a fight’. Grayson had just been walking aimlessly that night without any direction, when he crossed paths with a drunken someone who looked identical to the photo MC had shown him earlier that day.

So, when he saw the man turn down a dimly lit street, his body seemed to move of its own accord. Before he even realised what he was doing, his hands were pushing against the guy’s back.

In the split second of his hands returning to him and the guy toppling forward, Grayson was squaring up for his next move. He’d anticipated a light brawl – what he hadn’t anticipated was the man’s foot catching on a loose tile on the footpath, sending him head-first towards the pavement.

He couldn’t have anticipated it. But he also didn’t try to stop it.

Sometimes, the victim of an accident gets a lucky break; sometimes, you fall head-first onto cement and walk away with a scrape and a light concussion. From the amount of blood pooling around this guy’s head? Lucky definitely wasn’t the word for him.

Grayson couldn’t help but think that all the luck was on his side. A drunken man, collapsed over a clearly visible trip hazard? The story painted itself. He didn’t even need to call it in, really. If he thought about it, he could pretend like this never happened if he simply…turned around and walked home.

So he did.

The guilt hit him as soon as he got back to the apartment, but seeing MC napping on the couch changed his tune pretty quickly. All things considered, this was actually a blessing in disguise. Now MC would only have to deal with the aftermath of a near-stranger’s tragic death, rather than the inevitable pain that would come from a partner that just wasn’t good enough for them.

[fieldsofbone]

in the last six days i’ve graded 77 term papers, entered grades online, alphabetized them to pass back to students, and graded 55 research papers for another class…………………….. someone pls clap

[lovetren]

cycle of suicidal thoughts broken yet again by the most obvious of self care tasks

[ghostiiess]

[NSB HEADCANONS] - date with regie!

pov: going to restaurant with your boyfriend regie!

warnings: some swears here and there, mention of the word ‘sexy’ and regie compliments y/n, hands on the thighs, kisses, mention of a sugar mommy (he wants you as a sugar mommy since he’s ‘broke’), i think that’s all? Let me know if there’s more!

type: wholesome

member: regie macalino from nsb

REBLOGS AND LIKE ARE VERY APPRECIATED!

Regie is nonchalant.

If you don’t know what nonchalant mean, let me give the definition (from google)

« feeling or appearing casually calm and relaxed; not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm. »

Which is true, because regie’s really like that. He is nonchalant 😍 he even have an university with this name, remember?

(More under the cut!)

So, you weren’t surprised when your man texted you at 9:34pm on a tuesday night:

« Hi, get ready in 30, imma come pick u up 4 a date at the house, hope u r not sleeping lol»

« Btw, wear something sexy »

« So wear what you want since ur always sexy, ok bye ily »

After getting ready and everything, your boyfriend knocked on your door, not expecting his jaw to be dropped-

You were so stunning.

When i say his jaw dropped, i mean it

His heart started beating faster, he knew you were already sexy and beautiful and everything, but not like THAT

Like this was another step for regie

« Holy shit.. »

« Damn baby, you look so fucking good, omg… »

« You look stunning, babe, wow… you’re so cute »

Ofc, he kissed you

« we should stop here, bc there is absolutely no way I’ll be able to control myself if we continue our lil’ make out session »

Ok, regie

You are making regie weak in the knees 🤪

You should be proud of yourself, because regie’s nonchalant, and this man do not get weak in the knees that easily

So you guys went to a restaurant (bc i lack of inspiration and also bc date restaurant are cute too)

As you all know, this man is a gentleman

He opened the car door for you, closed it, did the same thing when you guys arrived at the restaurant

He even opened the restaurant door for you

« After you, baby »

Oh and please, do not let me forget to say that his hands were on your thighs during all the road time

If you do not feel comfortable with this, just know he’ll stop doing it, but if you like it??? Bye, you will never be able to be in the same car with him and not have his hands on you

Yes, even with the guys 😆

Anyways, back to the restaurant

Both of your arms were on a side of the table, holding each other’s hands

His fingers were caressing the top of your hand

Regie knows how to make us weak 😍🫣

“You look so good tonight, baby..”

“I mean, you always look stunning, but tonight.. holy fuck”

During the date, you both talked about your day, how work was going for both of you, the lastest news and dramas… literally everything haha

And this man could not stop complimenting you over your clothes, how you looked, how great you were doing at your job, how cute you were, like this man was being soft and all cutie cutie

When it was time to pay, this man did not want to let you pay

“I gotchu babe, dw ‘bout it”

You were like “no, i can pay, you always pay, anyways can i pay for once?”

And he was like “hummm…. No! 😇”

The worst part? He’s saying “I’m broke, baby” and “i need a sugar mommy, y/n, please buy me things” like ok, we can do that i guess, but HE’S NOT EVEN LETTING US BUYING STUFF FOR HIM, LIKE FHVCUGFGB-

When it was time to drive you back home, he was super happy (not bc he was going to end the date, but bc he was so happy of the date with you)

When he walked you towards your home door, he did like in every movie:

💃🚶‍♂️ (sorry i didn’t find an emoji where the girl was standing on the left and looking at the right)

“We should do it more often… Going on dates randomly like that”

He smiled so much this night

And his smile, omg his smile

ITS SO PRECIOUS

“ i am so happy to have you as my girlfriend, y/n”

Then he kissed you

“I love you baby, ill text u when I’ll be home”

And this is what complete the headcanon, hope you guys liked it!! (I didn’t know how to end it, sorry)

Taglist! (Open! Send an ask if you’d like to be added!) : @nsb-rkive @kentisbaby @firebenderwolf @hyuneee0 @yawnzzznnn @ghostyycat7

Bold can’t be tagged.

[theretirementstory]

01/09/2024. Greetings on this first Sunday in September, where the weather in Bar-sur-Aube is 22c (and sunny) we are due 32c so I will need to hide in the shade.

This photo was taken on September 1st 2018, that was when the town used to have the Foire aux Bulles on the first weekend of the month, which for some reason was given a new name “Bulles et Gastronomie Foire”and moved to a new slot, the last weekend of the month.

Let’s get my health news out of the way first! My platelets have not fallen to 10 or below for a number of weeks and so the doctors in Paris agreed that we should try for just one transfusion per week 😳. The injection to boost my white blood cells is to be stopped as it looks as if my body is working better there. I still have to have the injection for red blood cells but haven’t had a haemoglobin transfusion for almost two weeks 😁 and of course I am still having platelet injections and transfusions. My blood pressure tablets have been stopped completely in the hope that blood pressure will return to normal levels after being really low. All in all a “good news” week. Keep your 🤞for me.

I had to eke out the shopping as Monique wanted to do some, I asked Anie to get fresh fruit and my neighbour to go for my prescription. On Friday (after my trip to Paris) my neighbour drove me to two supermarkets, where I hurried round picking up items for “my family’s” arrival. We are all so excited to be seeing one another soon.

It has been another busy week (well aren’t they all?) I messaged the gardener, who came out and cut the grass on Tuesday, then he messaged to say he would cut the hedges on Friday, so now my garden looks pretty good. I contacted the plumber who also called in on Tuesday and repaired the waste “thing” in the upstairs washbasin. I finally plucked up courage to contact the man to clean the outside walls of the house, they are streaked with red which appears to come from the roof tiles. He came out and looked at them, gave me a price which we agreed and then we agreed a start date. The only person, both Monique and I, have been unable to contact is the roofer. He seems to have gone to ground! She said I will have to try and find another man to do the work but to be honest those men are as rare as hens teeth! Oh well, it’s just one job left to do I suppose.

It was pay day for my cleaner and as usual, I hadn’t done something correctly! I finally printed off the paper she needed, at 5am on Friday (before my trip to Paris), left it where I had said I would leave it and she hasn’t been for it yet. Oh well I have done my bit, without my car I cannot go and deliver it to her. If Anie comes down I will get her to take it but other than that, I don’t know.

Pauline came to see me on Tuesday and we spent a lovely couple of hours together. She was quite taken by the gardener and kept “watching him work”.

I had a surprise yesterday, my friend, from the next village, sent a message to say she had left something outside my front door. Sure enough, a bunch of flowers were resting on the door handle and there was a large bag of tomatoes and courgettes. As it was so hot, I really couldn’t face cooking anything but I checked out some recipes and think I will be making tomato and courgette soup plus courgettes, tomato and garlic. Well I can but try!

We have had some really lovely days and I am hoping for more of these for next week. This week it has meant that washing could be hung out and dried which is a big boost enabling me to prepare for the autumn and winter.

If it’s good weather next week my visitors will be in the garden taking the sun and reading books. The perfect way to de-stress.

So “Mr Solicitor” and “The Recovery Coordinator” have been busy packing their bags and will spend today relaxing 🤞before an early start in the morning. Oh wow, don’t think about it or I will get 🤪.

“The Photographer” has been out and about in York taking photos. He is trying lots of different things and ways to photograph scenes, people etc. He made a flying visit home yesterday and will be heading back to York this evening.

On Friday morning the alarm woke me at 4:30a.m. it was dark and I felt as if it was still nighttime! I love the summer for the bright early mornings but know that those days will soon give way to darker mornings. It’s sad in a way but at least I have my trusty sunrise alarm clock to help me wake up to some light. When I was younger I wished I could hibernate until the days grew longer, now as I approach another birthday I want to make the most of the hours available to me, be they light or dark. Yes it’s the month of the autumnal equinox too!

So finally, I have reached the music slot, I don’t know why I haven’t had this song in before now! The song is “Play That Funky Music” by Wild Cherry which was released in 1976.

This is another 1970’s song, it’s “Black Betty” by Ram Jam which was released in 1977. When I hear either of these songs I am transported poolside at the Hotel Tour Khalef in Sousse Tunisia. I was young and free as a bird unlike now where I am old but still free as a bird 😂.

Have a good week until next week, I hope to.

Final photo, the garden, ready for the visitors.

[byulyi]

I know life is one goodbye after the other, I know that's just how it is, I know it's normal for some people to just be a temporary part of your life journey, no matter how long or short but it's so fucking annoying that this includes people you do not want to let go of just like that. don't care how unreasonable and unrealistic this wish is but I am allowing myself to have it and be mad about this whole thing for a while. people make impacts on one another, in every possible shape or form. letting go sucks every goddamn time and I feel like currently my life is a constant of that. letting go, moving on from people, feelings, memories. loss loss loss. yea I am big time mad about never seeing my crush again after next tuesday. yea I will get over it. yea I know that's just how it is in this case. yea it sucks ass and I hate it and I fucking hate my brain for throwing this bullshit at me as if there weren't enough other things going on right now in my life 🤪🤪 it's the whole. never even being able to get the chance to get to know one another because that's not how it's supposed to be under these circumstances.

[melanieph321]

Y'all ain't ready for this one 🤪

Lichantony - Back To Me Part 1

Summary - A two part series about how Antony comes to live with Lisandro and his girlfriend upon his first arrival at Manchester United.

It was the hardest decision in my life to leave Ajax. It was the team that helped launch my international career and Amsterdam had grown to become my home. However to play for Manchester United was a dream come true, an opportunity impossible to miss out on. I left for England with only one regret and that was not having the courage to ask Antony to come with me. Or at least consider it. I knew that the United scouts had eyes for more than one player on the Ajax squad. But I was afraid. Afraid that by asking Antony to come with me I might have faced his rejection. After all at Ajax he had Neres, his fellow country man. The two of them had become like brothers. So why would Antony ever choose me over him?

Weeks passed as I settled down in England, my new country, with my new team and my new teammates. There was alot of new things to get used to, however, I was finally beginning to feel like a real premier leauge player. I enjoyed game days the most but the training sessions with the squad were enjoyable too.

"Did you here that the club is opening their wallets to bring in another new player."

"Really, who?" I asked Luke Shaw as the two of us played touch with the ball. The others were doing the same around us.

"Yeah, he's a winger I think. Right side, left footed."

"What club did he used to play for?"

"I dunno." Luke shrugged. "Ask Donny. He's the one that told me."

Lisandro admits that a new strong signing for the team excited him. But not enough for him to go around and play journalist. Right now he and the team had to focus on the derby ahead against Arsenal. A tough game judging by the current state of the team. People were saying that Manchester United was on the rise, it was time for us to prove that.

"Babe there was a call for you." Said Muri, my girlfriend. I got home from practice to see her in the kitchen cooking dinner. I wrapped my arms around her waist and started serenading her neck with kisses.

"Who was it from?"

"Immigrations, calling to confirm some agreement you've made with a new player that is coming from the Netherlands to play football here in England."

"What? I have never made such an agreement."

"I know, because then you would have told me that a stranger was coming to live with us." She playfully shoved her elbow into my pelvis. "Immigrations says that it has been confirmed with the team, perhaps you should call them to clear things up."

I did so almost immediately. Apparently this was about the new signing for Manchester United. Immigrations demanded that he list a temporary abode as he got settled into the country. I couldn't believe it, this former Ajax player had given my name as an emergency contact, saying he were to stay with me during the first period upon his arrival.

"He's arriving on Monday and we'll officially introduce him to the squad during Tuesday training." Said the coach I'd called to clear things up with. "It's good if you help him settle in pretty fast, we were hoping to have him ready in time for the Arsenal game."

Yeah right, I thought as I hung up the phone. However later that week as I arrived home after the Sunday game, I was in for a surprise seeing a pile of suitcases as I stepped through the front door.

"Honey, you won't believe it!" Muri came rushing towards me. "It's your friend from Ajax." She said, tugging at my arm in a hurry to get me to follow her into the living room.

We came around the corner and that's when I caught his eye. "Antony?" His name escape from my lips like a whisper, a blissful whisper.

"Licha!" He stood from the couch.

"What are you...? Why are you...?" I couldn't believe my eyes.

"I signed for Manchester United." He said, smiling from ear to ear.

"Don't just stand there like two idiots." Muri chuckled. "Go on, hug him."

I dropped my training bag and rushed towards him and he rushed towards me. Soon we were swept up in each other's embrace. "You're here. I can't believe that you left Ajax and came here!" Antony's familiar smell invade my nose. I kissed the top of his head and pressed his body closer to me.

"I came here for you Licha " He said, voice muffled up in my embrace. His words struck me and I pulled away, suddenly realizing my position in this. I looked to Muri who had begun to shed happy tears at the sight of two old friends reuniting. However Antony and I were never friends.

"For how long are you staying here?" I asked, clearing my throat.

"Licha." Muri gasped. "Don't be rude. Antony can stay for as long as he needs to. I thought Immigrations were sending a stranger but seeing how it is Antony they were talking about changes things, no?"

"No it doesn't." I said, my eyes locked with Antony's. "For how long are you staying?" I repeated and this time it wasn't a question but a command.

"Until they arrange a place for me here in Manchester." He nodded.

I thought my time away from the Ajax team had helped me forget about some things, hopefully moved on for good. However as Antony stood before me and remembering our hug, I could feel how old emotions bottled up inside of me returned in an instant. All that hard work to move on had been for nothing. Antony staying with me and Muri at the house was just the universe asking me for trouble. And trust me trouble was coming.

[comphy-and-cozy]

So basically you want to kill us all around with this JT Josty fic? Ugh girl. Hurt and The PAIN. 🫠

You can totally make it up to us by sharing some of that smut you mentioned 🤪

if I had to feel it then so do you!

but, as always, your wish is my command 😏 (adult content below the cut - 18+ only please)

“Hey, dude, I thought you could take —” 

JT freezes mid-sentence, standing in the doorway of the apartment, keys hanging loosely in hand. Even before he registered the sight in front of him, he had the feeling of intruding on something he wasn’t supposed to. It’s the abnormal amount of skin that he notices first—not just arms and legs, but an entire back, a lady’s back, bare. Instinctively, his eyes immediately zone in on the ass that’s perched on the couch, perfectly round and shapely, before they trail to the legs attached to it. They’re at a strange angle, he thinks, until he realizes that they’re surrounding something, straddling something—another person.

All at once, the reality of the moment rushes to him, and he realizes he’s walked in on Tyson getting one last booty call. By the looks of it, they’ve made decent headway in the time that he’s been gone, considering she’s completely without a shirt and she already has a hickey sucked into her neck.

It’s only then that he realizes that both Tyson and you are staring at him. Your chest is pressed against Tyson’s, covering your bare breasts, though there really isn’t much room for modesty. The moment is awkward, but not as awkward as JT feels, standing foolishly in the doorway.

“Hi, JT,” you greet with a sly smile, like it’s any other Tuesday night, like he isn’t standing there gaping at you half naked in front of him.

“Uhh, hey—s-sorry, I’ll just—” 

JT shifts uncomfortably in the doorway, eyeing the door to his room, but he pauses when he sees you lean in to whisper something in Tyson’s ear. His face is bright red, he can feel it, skin hot as he averts his gaze. He wants to cross the room, to make his way to his bedroom where he can lock the door and turn up his music and ignore whatever is about to happen out here on the couch, but his feet feel like they’re made of lead. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Tyson grin, glancing up at you whose gaze is already back on JT. Suddenly, his great idea has turned into a phenomenal idea.

“You wanna join us? Make my last night one to remember?” 

JT nearly chokes on his own spit, staring dumbfounded at the brunette. Fuck yeah is what he wants to say, obviously with the ass and tits on the girl in front of him he’d be an idiot to say no. But the logical side of him pauses, running through the consequences and the ever-looking Bro Code in the few moments of silence. Through all of it, he ignores the pang in his heart at the thought of Tyson’s last night in Denver. 

“Dude, are you—?”

“Yes or no, Compher? I’d really like to fuck this girl today.”

Fuck. “Uh—y-yeah, fuck yeah.”

Your heart flutters, along with another region of your body, at JT’s admission, like the floodgates are now open to truly make Tyson’s last night in Denver unforgettable. 

Tyson’s eyes find yours, glittering and velvety, a smirk forming on his face. “You planned this, didn’t you? ‘Cause you think he’s so cute?”

JT’s stomach lurches upon hearing the taunt from his best friend’s mouth. His eyes shoot to your face, gauging your reaction, but based on the bashful expression and shy smile, he’s inclined to believe it.

“Told me she thinks you’re hot,” Tyson adds, enjoying the way you fidget in front of him, embarrassed that he spilled your secret crush despite the fact that you’ve just agreed to having a threesome with him. “And I mean, you are, obviously.”

“You trying to fuck me or her?” JT’s found enough of his footing to make a quick jab at Tyson, who rolls his eyes, lugging the pillow beside him and tossing it to the other couch to make room for his friend.

[glitxhwayventeen]

The Confused One

Ten

Characters: Ten x male reader

Warnings: anxiety to the maximum, questioning of sexuality i guess, controlling parents, existential crisis mentions, sex mentions/implications but nothing too serious, bad influence Ten, mentions of cheating (though the couple doesn’t really care for each other anyways so🤷🏻‍♀️)

Author’s Note: I changed his mate like 10+ times before i actually wrote anything for him because i kept forgetting to write the story line down so cut me some slack on this one pls and thanks. Also let me know how you feel about a male reader. I created his personality after a nepobaby i knew growing up

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Watch It All Burn Masterlist

The Confused One: Part 2

Mostly just anxiety. Not even 🥀 or 🤪. Just pure plain and simple nerves and butterflies all over the place with some sex talk

Bold= Korean Dialogue Italics= Thoughts Pink= Cantonese Red=Mandarin Green=English

Tag List-

You weren’t a partier. No, in fact you were rather a homebody. Most of the time, people couldn’t pay you to leave the comfort of your tiny studio apartment. So you weren’t really sure how you found yourself surrounded by a bunch of sweaty, smelly, drunken bodies flinging themselves around you on a makeshift dance floor.

Though you supposed that statement in itself was also inaccurate. You knew exactly why you found yourself in your current predicament. You just weren’t sure what possessed you to actually fall for another guy in the first place. Let alone a guy who was everything you swore never to be.

See you were the quiet type, some would even call you sheltered or protected. Not that you had really chosen that life or personality for yourself. No, your life and personality had been handcrafted for you in childhood by your overprotective parents.

You were the only son and child of a wealthy CEO and a successful plastic surgeon. You never wanted for anything. You never needed something they couldn’t provide. You were set for life since they had a set aside a huge trust fund for you to live on when you got older.

Truthfully, you didn’t even need to attend the university you were going to to gain a bachelors in your chosen major of biochemistry. But not going to university would’ve gone against the well thought out plan your parents had carefully laid out for you. They had all your future major life decisions mapped out for you. Whether it was the housing layout they decided you needed or something as simple as the color of the suit you’d wear at your wedding, everything was set up for you down to the last detail.

You just had to go through the motions and follow through with the plan using the extreme disciplinary measures and the self control techniques that had been drilled into your head when you were young. It seemed simple enough: Do what you were told and you’d live happily ever after.

There seemed to be no way you could possibly fuck it all up. But you did.

Though if someone looked at it from your perspective, there was no way you could be fully to blame for it.

Because the very university your parents picked out for you to attend was where you met him. The extracurricular they signed you up for, tutoring others, to boost your after college resume as high as it would go lead you to your first meeting with him.

The housing complex they had you living in was only down the street from the party spots he frequented. And the very future wife they had arranged for you since you’d practically been born seemed to be someone you had virtually no problem cheating on given that you eventually found yourself pressed up against his bedroom wall while he kissed down your neck and had his merry way with you.

-

It all started on a random Tuesday afternoon. You hadn’t originally felt any different. You woke up with your chosen girlfriend of 3 years beside you. You poured your usual cup of morning tea and made yourself a heart healthy breakfast. You drove to school an hour earlier than your intended class to start your typical tutoring session with a pupil of yours, Yangyang.

Only instead of his constant backpack for a companion sitting on the seat beside him as he waited for you to show, there sat an actual human being. And a rather cute one in your opinion at that.

“Hey Yangyang!” You cluelessly beamed at the younger boy while trying to sneak another glance at the boy next to him, “Who’s your friend?”

And instead of your dongsaeng replying with his usual goofy giggle, the raven haired male quickly stood to introduce himself.

“I’m Ten. You must be ____.” The boy, Ten apparently, smoothly reached his hand out for you to shake while staring at you with starry eyes.

Part of you wanted to run away in the opposite direction because of how frighteningly handsome he was. But the more rational part of you knew that would be very suspicious and strange and would probably lose you your tutoring student.

So you pulled up your metaphoric big boy pants and reached to shake his hand right back as quickly as your brain would allow you to as it began glitching.

Though, you couldn’t help the no doubt obvious gulp your body automatically let out as you attempted to gain your vocal footing again, “Y-Yep. That’s me.”

And as you felt your palm come into contact with the guy stationed in front of you’s hand, you felt a nonexistent fire spark up your skin.

“Yangyang here’s told us a lot about you and what a great tutor you are,” Ten spoke with an almost sinister grin, “and you must really be a pretty good one too cause i haven’t seen anyone else actually get him to do his homework.”

Then the stranger in front of you let out one of the most harmonious and beautiful laughs you’d ever heard as your student smacked his side out of embarrassment.

“That’s not true!” Yangyang insisted, “____ is a great tutor. But I can do my homework just fine without the extra motivation, thank you very much. I just need a little help with the teaching part sometimes is all. So don’t listen to him ___ hyung.”

“Whatever you say kid,” Ten tauntingly reassured him as he turned to you as if he was privately conversing with you via eye contact.

But just when you finally got the courage to look the pretty guy directly in the eye, you could’ve sworn you saw some color in them that was definitely not a natural eye color surrounding his pupils.

Though before you could ask any questions, Yangyang nudged him in the arm to gain his attention. And whatever was said their private little conversation they had in what you could only assume was Yangyang’ native mandarin, Ten jolted in place and politely excused himself with the excuse of needing to get going and not wanting to interrupt your session any further.

And before you could even say your goodbye pleasantries back, he dashed off towards the library doors with a quick ‘nice to meet you’ being thrown over his shoulder.

Once the initial awkwardness of the interaction wore off, you quickly went to work and began your usual tutoring session with the Taiwanese boy as promised. But in the back of your mind throughout the whole hour you had laid aside for your teaching, you couldn’t help but wonder when you’d get to see his lovely friend again.

The wonder confused you for a multitude of reasons, the first being you had never actually been attracted to anyone before, let alone some random guy you had quite literally just met. And the second reason was because having a weird guy crush on the boy wasn’t part of your programming.

You weren’t allowed to go outside of the plan that had been put in place far before your birth was anticipated. Your mother and father would have simultaneous heart attacks if they thought you entertained the idea for even a split second.

But some unhinged part of you just couldn’t stop thinking about the mysteriously handsome stranger.

-

“Boy do you look lost,” Ten managed to chuckle out as he stepped foot in the kitchen you found yourself hiding out from the other party goers in.

He easily maneuvered his way over to your place on the counter after pulling a beer out of the friend he seemed so familiar with.

You let out a nervous laugh back out of embarrassment and the small proximity between you both, “Yeah I um- was supposed to be meeting a friend here but they uh… made themselves known a little later than expected.”

Flirting was never your thing either. You were bad at it, anyone who even looked at you could tell based on your naturally shy demeanor.

But you had a drink and you felt the liquid courage flowing through your veins and decided to try it out, even though you knew it was a bad idea.

“Oh,” Ten slyly smirked at you while leaning in dangerously close to your lips, “Is that all I am to you? A friend?“

And once again, the alcohol running through your body made you feel brave enough to do a stupid, stupid thing.

You quickly let out a breathy ‘no’ and finally brought the painful tension between the two of you to an end by fully closing the small gap between the both of your lips.

-

Normally, Ten didn’t go with Yangyang to his actual study sessions since he figured the kid was old enough to handle it himself. But after finding out how much his younger brother was struggling to come to terms with having to share his little sister with another one of their packmates, he figured checking up on him every once and a while couldn’t hurt.

So he offered to come into the library of their shared university to help get him situated under the false pretense of ‘having too many books to carry’ instead of just dropping him off at the double doors and waiting for his own classes to start about half an hour later.

However, once Ten got inside, he could tell the younger boy was feeling a bit nervous. It was the first time seeing his tutor after their school’s break and he could only guess the boy must’ve been stressing out over the amount of work he was gonna be given to make up for lost time. So he decided to stay and sit with him until his tutor got there to be sure the guy knew who he was dealing with to help put him at ease.

But what he wasn’t expecting when you walked through the door was to have the entire world instantly fall away from him, leaving you as the only thing keeping him chained to the earth. And you were unbelievably perfect.

Your perfectly buttoned nose made him want to melt to the floor. Your uncallused hands and geekish clothing showed him you probably hadn’t once done anything other than be the bookworm he already knew you were from his conversations with Yangyang that were centered around you. Your disheveled hair and cherry red lips told him you were already flustered to the max after having only just made your tutoring session with him on time.

Ten wasn’t sure he ever really understood, or even wanted for that matter, what a mate really was. Sure he knew all his brothers had imprinted. And of course he knew they were real because of the multiple sisters he had gained over his time with the pack. But he had never expected to find one for himself.

He was a partier. The wild child most parents told their kids was a perfect example of what not to be. So long as it was the weekend and he didn’t have to be a responsible student or loving kindergarten teacher, he did pretty much whatever he wanted (or whoever he wanted for that matter) whenever he wanted with little regard for anything else other than to have a good time.

He drank, did the occasional recreational drug if he felt like it, dressed in dark sharp clothing to fit his nightlife, and slept around for as long as he could remember as often as he could. He figured having a mate just wasn’t in the cards for him because of the lifestyle he chose to have, which was something he had come to terms with long ago.

But here you were, living breathing proof that he was wrong, dead wrong.

The only problem was, he was sure he was gonna mess it up. He was probably someone you considered scary by your own set of personal standards. You were a goody goody with a long term girlfriend and were set to be your graduating year’s valedictorian. Your grades were as straight as you were and your lifestyle was so far from his own, he was sure you’d mini vomit in your mouth at the sight of him in the same vicinity as you. You’d never go for a guy like him.

Still, you were his mate. And that fact was easily confirmed by his ever racing heart speeding up tenfold the closer you got to them, which was something the young maknae was quick to pick up on.

Whether Ten thought he had a real shot with you or not, he was gonna try. Sure he’d never thought he’d get you, but he had to attempt to after all. He’d literally die without you.

So when you finally reached the table where you’d be doing your studying, he figured what better way to try to show you he was interested in you than a little bit of flattery. He introduced himself with a handshake and tried his best to keep his cool even though the minimal skin to skin contact he had with you for those few seconds set a bonfire alight inside him.

Then he tried to break the ice a little by mentioning something about you being a great tutor to Yangyang, which would end up being a mistake. Because if the small touch to your delicate hand had made his inner wolf crazy, the light blush that appeared across your face at the small compliment made him want to jump on you and smear kisses all over you, which was something he obviously could not just do having just met you.

But before he could say anything else, Yangyang gave him a little nudge to his side. When Ten turned his attention to the boy he saw that he was raising his eyebrows up and down, a silent signal used by most in the pack to let another know they had started to burn through their colored contacts that hid their true nature.

It made Ten panic internally. Of course he knew you’d eventually find out his secret, but he didn’t want it to be in the middle of the university library surrounded by a bunch of strangers simply because he couldn't control himself.

So he hurriedly let out a goodbye and dashed out the door, careful to keep his eyes fixated on the ground as much as he could till he got to his car and could go home.

Sure the interaction wasn’t everything he had hoped for, but it was enough to get the conversation started. Which was all he could ask for given the circumstances.

-

Little by little, he started seeing you more. He’d rearranged his schedule so he could catch a glimpse of you on campus more often. He’d always have his ear to the ground listening for someone mentioning you or your girlfriends name so he could keep tabs on you both. He’d even gone so far as to actually befriending your girlfriend, who, much to his surprise, wasn’t nearly as horrible as he’d thought she’d be.

Sure she was a stickler for the rules and always had to keep up her own appearances with her naturally styled makeup and ironed prep school girl clothes, but she actually was… pretty cool.

Ten had already known who she was and knew of her activities on campus simply because he shared a few classes with her. She was a psych major and he was majoring in early childhood development, so their paths crossed a lot.

He already knew your girlfriend didn’t like to talk to anyone she didn’t think was worth her time based on how seriously she took her class schedule. So when she responded to him in their shared psychology class when he asked her to explain what the teacher’s lecture answer meant in an attempt to get her to speak to him, he was pleasantly caught off guard with her willingness to help him out. She knew he was a foreigner and she didn’t want him to unjustly suffer in his class just because he might not be 100% fluent in current like she was as a native.

That’s how he got her talking to him and soon enough, they almost became sort of… friends. Ten definitely knew her other friends didn’t like that she was associating with someone as ‘lowly’ as himself, but she didn’t seem to care. In fact, she didn’t seem to care much at all about what anyone thought of her.

As the days passed, he learned that she was someone who stood up for others a lot more than standing up for herself. Ten watched over and over as her friends seemed to make decisions that hurt her personally, but she never said anything to them. Yet when she saw one of her friends make fun of a student with less money, Ten watched from the sidelines as she had to practically be held back from slapping said friend for being so rude to an innocent stranger. Unlike many in your world, your girlfriend wasn’t one to judge others based on looks but rather how they treated others.

Ten also figured out rather quickly that she too tutored others in her spare time like you, something he asked her to help him with to gain more knowledge about you and what your lives looked like together. Except unlike you, she did it because she wanted to, not because her parents forced her to.

But that didn’t mean her parents didn’t force other things on her, like you.

According to her ranting during one of his study sessions with her, neither of you had wanted to be together in the first place. It was something your parents had decided when you were both young without consulting either one of you, but you were both too quiet and timid to say anything against it.

Though, you’d both worked out a harmonious way of living together by the time you had started college and had become good friends to try and cope with your situation. And that’s how you found yourselves practically silently engaged in the present.

It turned out your girlfriend was quite a nice girl who was just playing a part she had been assigned since she’d been born. He almost felt sort of bad that he had imprinted on her boyfriend and was using her to get an in with you. But what else could he do? You were his mate and you were both clearly miserable with the life that had been shoved on you. He figured he would just be doing you both a favor by trying to split you up and get you to be with him.

And once that thought process had been established in his mind, he decided to up the stakes.

-

Ten had started to drop Yangyang off to every tutoring session so he could speak with you for a few spare moments, even if it made him late to his own classes. He wanted to get to know you personally, not just from the odd little snippets of information he’d get from your girlfriend.

He figured he’d just make some sweet small talk to get more familiar with you. Then after he’d done that for an appropriate amount of times, he’d eventually move to becoming friendly enough to ask for your number and get you comfortable being around him alone. Finally, he’d eventually make his move, at least that was his plan originally. But when he saw you walk in with what was almost certainly bed head and yesterday's clothes from what was no doubt a long night of cramming for your biology exam Yangyang had mentioned you would have as soon as his tutoring was done, that idea went out the window.

As you came and rushed up to the table with a hurried apology for not being on time once more and said your pleasantries, Ten could barely comprehend the two of you were even in the same building. He was in total awe of you, he figured he was probably even staring at you like some sort of love struck idiot. But he couldn’t help it. You just looked so cute.

Your soft and messy hair only accentuated your already chiseled and perfect features. Your clothes hung even closer to your body than they had the day before because they hadn’t been properly washed or ironed and seemed to lay over every crease of your delicate body. And to top it off, you smelt even more like the scent that had recently become his favorite thing in the whole world after having met you, old books and cinnamon, because you were probably trying to overcompensate for the lack of fresh clothes by coating yourself in your cologne.

So when your next set of worried words about potentially failing your upcoming exam left him an opening, no one could really blame Ten for what he did next.

“Well if your exam doesn’t go so well, I know of a few ways to help lessen the blow.” Ten sleekly smiled up at you, much to your and Yangyang’s sudden shock.

You had to clear the nervous spit that had lodged itself in your throat before you asked him what he meant.

“I just mean there’s a few… unconventional ways of relieving stress and frustration that you’re probably not used to.” The button nosed boy finished joking just in time for his younger packmate to nudge him in the side as a warning to tread carefully.

-

If the statement the attractive guy said hadn’t lit your cheeks on fire, then him having you unlock your phone so he could put his contact information in surely did.

“Call me if you need to vent out your frustration from your test you’re sure you’ll fail by hitting up a party sometime. Or if you ever just want to go to one really. One might help you loosen up a little and forget everything troubling you ____.” He winked before handing you your phone back with a flare and leaving you and his friend to get to your tutoring session.

Not that that was ever gonna be easy after you had the interaction you had. You weren’t the best at interacting with people who weren’t as bland as they were dull, so you weren’t really sure what to make of the little conversation.

Was he just trying to get you to quit yammering about how worried you were about your exam? Was he flirting with you? Or was he simply trying to be nice and help you out?

It seemed like a thousand things and possibilities were running through your mind every second. You couldn’t focus, something you were sure was evident to the younger boy you were trying to teach, though he was at least kind enough not to comment on your lack of awareness.

After what felt like forever, your tutoring ended and your exam began, something that also felt like it took forever to accomplish, but you finished.

However, now you were left with a choice, one you weren’t sure if you should even be considering: Message Ten that you want to party or don’t and pretend the conversation never happened.

You weren’t sure of his intentions, you didn’t understand what he had meant by his sudden invitation to contact him. And you weren’t sure why you were having such a difficult time deciding whether or not to take him up on his offer. You could go to the party and most likely have nothing happen, you could not go and have your usual routine continue. Or, maybe… just maybe, you could go and have something you’d secretly been dreaming of happen.

Which was stupid of you to think. You were in a relationship, you were committed to your plan. However, it seemed like each time you saw Ten, you were becoming more and more attracted to him. More attracted than you had ever been to your sort of fiance/future wife.

You liked to consider yourself a loyal guy, one who would never willingly hurt someone else, and a good person. So you couldn’t really explain why you had suddenly pulled your phone out of your pocket, or why you found yourself quickly unlocking it and clicking on Ten’s contact.

But what you really couldn’t understand was why you started messaging him telling him you had failed your exam and needed to let loose.

-

You had gotten a 96% on your exam. So you weren’t sure what you were thinking. It was a bad idea. A very very bad idea that had your head spinning in all sorts of directions and made your heart yearn in a way you weren’t sure it ever had.

When he touched you, it felt like the whole world lit itself on fire. When he kissed you, you felt all the oxygen being sucked out of your lungs. You knew it was a bad decision to go to the party. Of course you knew that. But if being bad meant you were able to feel as good as Ten made you feel, you never wanted to be good again.

-

He knew he should feel guilty, in his head he knew that. No good person would try to breakup a relationship just to get with another person. Ten did know that. And if you were genuinely happy with your life the way it was, he’d leave well enough allow and not bother trying to get with you to keep you happy. But you were miserable in your life. You had to have been.

You had a girlfriend you didn’t love, a major you loathed, and a social life you hated. How could he not do what he could to try and get you to be happy by potentially being with him? He couldn’t live with himself if he let you stay stagnant. You deserved better than that.

And that’s exactly what he planned on showing you as he made you cry out his name all night long.

(Last Edited 1/26/23)

[hollyjollybaby]

I freakin love Tuesdays and Thursdays because she has school in the mornings 😅 she gets 2.5 hours of fun, non-parental adult and peer interaction, and I get time to run childfree errands/return things/clean up the house/pick up groceries/knock shit off my to-do list! Then I go pick her up, we have lunch, she goes down for nap, and I still have her whole nap time to myself 😇

Her teacher told me on Tuesday at pickup that she had a rough day and had been *pushing* other kids when they got close to her 😔 I was shook bc she’s normally the kid GETTING pushed, I’ve literally never seen her push or hit or do anything like that to another kid. I’m sure she learned it at school. And these mean big kids we have on the playgrounds around here. Ugh. Jake and I have been seeing a whole host of 🤪 fun 🤪 new 2 year old behaviors. So much more defiance, wannabe-independence, running away from us to avoid putting shoes on/teeth brushing/bed, coming up with tonssss of new stall tactics, plain old sitting down on the ground and refusing to get up in public, just off the top of my head. She’s really putting me through my gentle parenting paces lol. Got me wishing the BLF ladies could just ride around on my shoulders all day helping me with this kid 😂

Her teacher said she did much better with her behaviors today though. I realized that I haven’t really taught her what to say INSTEAD of pushing or shoving, like, “you can say no thank you/space please/I don’t want to play”/whatever. So this morning before school I was trying to talk to her about some things she could say if a friend got too close to her space. That’s her huge trigger is having her personal space invaded. She gets that from me for sure. As a kid I was so stringent about my personal bubble. She gets very stressed and visibly uncomfortable when she doesn’t have enough room for her body and she has classmates who love to hug and be super close. Obviously this is something we’ll continue consistently talking about and practicing and working on giving her alternatives so she doesn’t feel like she needs to push to protect herself. A much older kid pushed her down the slide at the park last week and I saw red, I don’t want her to be that kid to anyone else 🙁

2 is my favorite age still (by far) but it’s a lot of pressure to not mess this child up 😂

[alexbkrieger13]

Tell me Nina Koppang is Stina's little sister without telling me she's her little sister 😂

When Nina jumped and her shot hit the crossbar the commentator (who's a newly retired handball wnt player) said you could see what incredible physique Nina has, she jumps very high and has a hard shot. The woodwork was visibly wobbling for a few seconds after she'd hit the crossbar! One minute later Nina took another shot on goal and it was almost exactly the same situation but this time she scored. And the commentator said to just continue on when you're so young and score the next time, then you're playing with confidence

Incredible physique, doesn't score on first try only to score later on, playing with confidence sounds veeeeery familiar. Wonder why 🤪

Btw cracked me up when it was mentioned there'd be more international games on Svt this Friday when Sweden meet Denmark in football before Sweden meet Denmark in handball away on Tuesday

[twinklelilstarkey]

Hi babe! I don’t wanna rush you in any way, but will we be getting another part of tutor soon?😩 Doyou have like a schedule or just write when you feel like it? It’s probably the best rafe cameron fic i’ve read i’m srsly obsessed.. thank you for blessing us with your talent🙏🏻🤪

Yes!! It will be posted very soon, either today or tomorrow. It will be more of a 'filler' chapter, so you can get ready for the next part.

I don't usually have a schedule bc my professors are so unpredictable with work that I can never promise myself that I will do certain hobbies. There will be times when I can read and write all weekend, and others that I can only read after dinner or before bed. Writing takes me too long, and if I force myself to do it, I end up hating it.

But since I have Monday and Tuesday free (Carnaval holiday), I will hopefully get everything done and ready to be posted (I mean the next, next part) when the season comes out.

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Tuesday, February 20th, 2024!

8:20am: Phew, that was fun, back to business now 😎 business of being a bachelorette 🤪 it's so cold I need to hook up the heated blanket bc I did that thing where I crumple up in my sleep then the stomach and back hurt from literally constricting all night. Also need to do laundry so I can get my warm clothes, they're all wet and sickly 🙃 need to start studying today (RIP this quiz) and not get another L. And also not get sick again, I need to handle these gum blisters. High key this is what happens when I have to entertain for a weekend like I am immediately behind on just so much shit. But it's so worth it ❤️ I love my family

12:22pm: Well I just don't know anymore. Every time I think I've done the worst unimaginable thing, I seem to one up myself?? I'm inflicting the karma personally now, but I don't know how to say I truly didn't mean to. Maybe my subconscious meant to. I have no fucking idea. But can we talk about how I haven't seen rain like that in months, probably won't see it again for several months, like it was just a damn bad sign. I still just think it was part of his personal karma, I just really didn't think it would get wet like that bc it hasn't rained like that since the literal summer. I think he hates me now. Well. Ok I can't do anything about that. Welp. Just kinda have no words, I was literally in fight or flight mode and he will never understand that he's the fucking reason. Fight or flight is not a reasonable train of thought in that situation. No shit I did something that makes no sense I was shaking terrified. And he doesn't fucking realize he's the goddamn reason. Good riddance.

3:09pm: well I think he blocked me on everything. A rain storm took out 8 years of friendship. And this is the what, 900th time he's chosen material objects, replaceable possessions over me? 901st time he's chosen paper, a piece of paper, over speaking to me ever again I guess. I guess I'm the shitty person, not him who lied and cheated on front of my face, nope me, who was shaking too anxious freaking out in my apartment bc he threatened my brother five days before coming to town 🤷

3:39pm: maybe this is my karma for hitting on a guy in a relationship, we just are no longer friends. Well I guess she got what she wanted, he is getting what he wants, which is to finally be able to blame me for something, and I get to have them both out of my life. This is the world now. The world is still turning.

4:00pm: It's like he was just looking for a reason to block me, just like he was looking for any reason to cheat, to leave, to break up, to move out, any little thing that could be a provoking reason and just running with it. I'm done.

I know this is technically my fault, I have apologized. Everything still feels abusive though. I was just trying to save myself, I was being selfish. But um hello so is cheating. He's not better than me and in my opinion he's still much worse than anything I've ever done to him. It's just things.

I would hope if something is actually going to come of this, his grandma would give me a warning first or something. I want to call her but I feel like everything is too heated. Let me go home, blow my nose and use the bathroom, maybe I'll call her tonight.

4:48pm: TBH we always talk about forgiving these stupid assholes. Why don't I forgive myself for this? I forgive myself. Even if I did it subconsciously, even if I was being a bitch in the back of my mind (I really don't feel this way) it's more like I was just tired of thinking about it! And look at me, thinking about it now. It's over. Whatever. He wants to take me to small claims or something? Whatever I'll live. He wants to run a smear campaign on me? Didn't he already do that? I'm still alive. He wants to take the cats as revenge? I'll live, they'll live, life goes on. If something happens to them that will be his shit I guess. I forgive myself and C said it, I'm already being Way. Too. Nice. Everybody would agree with me. I can't even bring it up bc ppl will be like ?? You still talk to him ?? Ppl would be so confused. I did the best I could without causing myself unnecessary stress on a weekend when I didn't want stress. Was I journaling this weekend? Fuck no there was a reason for that, because I was actually being happy living life. That's why y'all didn't hear from me tf. Healing continues though so we're back, still gonna push forward though.

5:19pm Damn yeah he blocked me on everything! What was even the point of speaking to me. That's fucked up to confront someone about something, something so materialistic, and then not accept an apology. Whatever. Good luck with life, good luck being a petty ass mf, acting like you're some heaven on earth angel who can do no wrong, fuck you.

5:34pm: I told my brother what happened, and he helped me feel better, I wish he lived closer to here but texting is ok now :) my family is just everything ❤️ I tried my best, it's over now, like a fever dream. On to find someone else to give my love and effort to 🥰 I'm just gonna give it to myself for now.

[fleurriee]

it’s been wayyyyyy too long im so sorry bestie 👀 but im finally here now to read the best series there ever lived!!! i also hope u don’t mind that my comments are quite long but i get so into reading these that i need u to know my every thought 😘

“What is it about?” Neteyam probed further.

You thought about it for a second. 

“It’s a story about two people who come from different worlds, and their journey of understanding each other and overcoming their feelings of, you guessed it, pride and prejudice towards one another and towards each other’s world.”  

CRYINGGG ANDRA i never thought how similar it is ughhhghghhh

Your words upset him, he realises in slight surprise. He looks at your figure sprawled over the bed looking up at the ceiling above you in contemplation and feels a pang of hurt as he considers the fact you didn’t think of him when reading a book so close to your heart.

he’s actually so bby wth. getting upset she didn’t think of him :((

He obliged and found another spot on the bed, which was now emanating the warmth of your body, and he slowly touched the blanket as if trying to commit the feeling to memory.

i saw that neteyam. i know exactly what that action means.... he’s in love 😩

“Ah, there is it.” You cleared your throat, then continued. “He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

ANDRA IVE ONLY JUST STARTED THIS CHAPTER WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??? they’re everything istg. they need to just get together, or least be besties again 🤧

“Your mum gave me this, a couple of weeks before she passed. She asked me to hold on to it and give it to your on your 18th birthday.”

“I hope whatever’s on there will give you some peace of mind, kid. I know life’s not been kind to you, but it’s time… time to move on, you know?” 

ffs andra i don’t wanna cry. it’s 9 in the morning on a fucking tuesday.

...sitting in Max’s lap and watching the brain activity, bombarding him with questions with answers you couldn’t’ possibly comprehend yet.

the relationship she has with both norm & max is so beautiful. like i love all their dynamics together & the fact they’re both practically her dads??? i love to see it.

“...Please don’t do a Jake.” 

LMAO jake really was the main character 🤪 he just wanted to run around & be goofy.

Neteyam’s words suddenly broke through.  “You’re not going to make it.” 

Adrenaline turned into rage and you hated it, hated the boy in that moment. Hated the effect his words had on you, even after so much time.

“You know nothing about the real world.” 

ughhh i love neteyam but hate him rn cause this is supposed to be her moment & she’s putting herself down bc of something he said 😭 istg if that boy doesn’t step up soon

“Angel, you there?” 

“Give her a second, Lo’ak. This is bound to overwhelm her and you yelling at her isn’t going to speed up the process.”

“I can’t believe she just hissed at me.” 

oh i absolutely love they came to see her 🤧🤧🤧🤧 also lo’ak’s so funny & dramatic, what did he expect lmao??

“Damn, you’re hot this way, too. This is unfair, you know? But also somehow makes me feel better that it turns out I’m not into a different species altogether, just one girl.” 

this a neteyam fic this a neteyam fic this a neteyam fic this a neteyam fic!!!! i swear im a neteyam girl but sometimes... 👀

“We have to get going, you’re going to start your training today, and your new boss is not going to be happy if you’re late.”

“Yep. Neteyam has been given the tough job of taking your lab ass and turning it into a Na’vi warrior. I have to say, I don’t envy him,  and I definitely don’t envy you.” 

OH LETS GO I FUCKING LOVE THIS TYPE OF TROPE!! gimme all the forced proximity plsss let there be tension!!!! 🥵

...for better or for worse, at least he had parents to rely on him. The thought made him sad, and he felt guilt at the words he spat at you yesterday. He knew they were for the greater good, but he also knew they crossed a line, a line that he might not be able to cross back from. 

keep that self reflection coming neteyam cause u got a LONG ride to redemption lmao.

Next to Lo’ak was a girl. The most beautiful girl he has ever laid his eyes on. Her stripes were somehow more accentuated than normal, and they reminded him of his own. It was something he was insecure about growing up, the deep contrast something his friends and even family teased him about relentlessly, but now, looking at it on her, he realised they were blind - he was blind - to have ever hated them. Her eyes were now yellow, a big departure from her human eyes, and although it was strange, just like the rest of her, they still felt familiar to him. Like no matter what body she inhabited, her soul would always shine through, always calling out to him like a moth to a flame. He knew then he’d always feel like this about her, for the rest of his life, no matter what she looked like. Fuck.

im sorry i had to include the whole thing bc THIS ENTIRE PARAGRAPH?? like neteyam pls it’s so obvious that you love her!!! the way he looked at her and just thought yep, that’s her. she’s the one in any form. if someone doesn’t smack him to get his head straight again i’ll do it myself. im so desperate to find out what’s keeping them apart just so they can reconcile again 🥲

His shoulders were broader and his arms were bigger, leading to a more accentuated contrast between them and his waist, and you hated yourself for how it made you feel, how your mouth filled with saliva you had to force yourself to swallow and how your pulse increased so rapidly it almost made you dizzy.

ahaa even she knows 🥵🥵 hottest man alive on any planet istg

“... Pretend you don’t know me, pretend we’re not you and me.” 

“I don’t know you, Neteyam.”

oh wow that one hurt.. like that one stung. why are they like this, why can’t they just love each other like they want to 😭😭

...and vowed to yourself that you would take care of this bow with your life, if not for anything else, for the still untarnished memory of that little boy you once loved so much.

andra... this isn’t funny anymore. im in pain.

“Kurkung (asshole).” Neteyam shoots you a dirty look and you can’t help but smirk. “What? That’s Na’vi. Perfect pronunciation, by the way.” 

i fucking love her. like how can you make me go from wanting to cry to cheering her on for riling up neteyam just to spite him??? talent.

You felt your anger pick up and the Pa’li let out a scream and rose on its hind legs, throwing you straight in the dirt. Neteyam laughed, but came to help you get up.

this is jake & neytiri 😭 ooooo h h h h h h i love everything about this andra.

“You know I’d never leave you alone.”

He picked you up and placed you on his back. “After 16 years, have I ever left you alone?” 

“...Well, I want to be strong and capable so I can always protect you...”

AHHHHHHH WHAT IS THIS??? NETEYAM YOU’RE GIVING ME WHIPLASH ISTG I FUCKING LOVE U & HATE U AT THE SAME TIME

A human skull you just stepped on... You lifted it to your eye line and heard yourself scream, wail louder than you ever had before... In a blind rage, you were clawing at your feet, trying to remove the dirt, remove the skin that stepped on your dad’s dead body...

oh god 😭 girlie has been through too much, she can’t catch a break. i mean i get that her dead was probably a dickhead with quaritch or something (at least, that’s my theory atm), he’s still her dad u know?? is she ever gonna be happy andra????

shock horror, this was absolutely amazing yet again. i love ur writing so much bc that simply did not feel like over 6k words. i was having too good of a time, clearly.

im so excited that she has her avatar body now!!! and we’re being forced to be with neteyam!!!! i can smell the tension from here. so ready for the next one 🤍🤍

Illicit Affairs | Chapter IV: Evermore

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: You and Neteyam both have to navigate a lot of painful memories on your first day in a new body

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, descriptions of ptsd flashbacks, cursing

Word Count: 6,2k words

A/N: Chapter 4 is the longest chapter I have written so far. There's definitely some fluff in there and some light hearted, beautiful moments, but it's also the darkest chapter I have written so far. There's some heavy stuff in there, so please read with caution! I wanted my characters to be well rounded and for there to be a good reason for every action they take; why the reader is a recluse, why Neteyam behaves the way he does, and why he left. There's layers to their story that will be unveiled through memories from both the main characters, so I hope you stick around to see where I plan to take this story <3 I never expected people to like it so much, and I hope you guys like what I have planned!

"I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone

Trying to find the one where I went wrong

And I couldn't be sure, I had a feeling so peculiar

That this pain would be for Evermore"

“Am I allowed to be here?” Neteyam says, carefully taking in the new environment that he’s never wondered through before. It was small and dark, his eyes needing a second to adjust to the contrast from the bright neon orbs that illuminated the hallways. His nose scrunched up, trying to assimilate the smell, and realised it just smells like you. 

“Who is going to stop you?” you laugh, and the sounds reverberates through his body and settles deep in his soul. He’s heard this sounds countless times in the 14 years he’s known you. It never ceased to amaze him. 

You take off your Converse shoes and throw them carelessly to the side, jump on the bed and reach for the light on the other side of it, sitting on the bedside table. The lamp turns on and Neteyam finds himself having to adjust to the brightness once more. He settles on the chair that was accompanying a small messy desk, filled with papers, books and electronic tablets that had something you called a graph on it. The words “cell viability” were written on top of it, but Neteyam didn’t know what that meant, so he turned his attention to the many, many books that were displayed on the shelves above the desk. 

He’s seen some of them before, some of them multiple times, as you did seem to have your favourites. He picked one up he recognised. It was called Pride and Prejudice and Neteyam assumed it was written by a person named Jane Austen. He knew you loved this book, but he’s never asked why.

“I love that one…” you started.

“I know” he says in Na’vi. “I just don’t know why.”

“I honestly couldn’t tell you. My mum read me paragraphs from it growing up, and it’s just a book that brings me comfort. I’ve read it so many times, I’ve memorised it, so it’s like a blanket. It makes me feel safe.”

“What is it about?” Neteyam probed further.

You thought about it for a second. 

“It’s a story about two people who come from different worlds, and their journey of understanding each other and overcoming their feelings of, you guessed it, pride and prejudice towards one another and towards each other’s world.”  

He sat with this new information for a while. “So like us?” 

“Mmm, I don’t think it’s like us at all. I think it’s more about my mum and dad, or at least I think my mum thought of her and dad when reading it.”

Your words upset him, he realises in slight surprise. He looks at your figure sprawled over the bed looking up at the ceiling above you in contemplation and feels a pang of hurt as he considers the fact you didn’t think of him when reading a book so close to your heart.

“I have a quote from another book that reminds me of you, though.” Almost as if you read his mind, you turned your head towards him with a smirk and raised an eyebrow.

He didn’t look at you, a small pout erupting from his lips without meaning to. You laugh at him and smile endearingly, softly shaking your head. 

You jump from the bed, slightly wincing when your left leg registers the action, and click your tongue at him so he can move from where he was sat. He obliged and found another spot on the bed, which was now emanating the warmth of your body, and he slowly touched the blanket as if trying to commit the feeling to memory. You climbed on the chair with another small wince and found a book on the uppermost shelf. You jumped from the chair straight on to the bed and fell next to him. 

Patting the spot next to you, you signalled for him to lie down. He did, although his legs were completely off the bed, the tiny contraption barely able to accommodate his torso. You let out a small laugh, but seemed happy to have him so close. 

You placed your head on his chest, and he prayed you couldn’t hear the way his heart felt like it was trying to escape his ribcage at your proximity and warmth. You opened the book and looked for the quote. 

“Ah, there is it.” You cleared your throat, then continued. “He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

“Get the fuck out of my room, Neteyam.”

You had just finished washing the day off when you heard a small knock on the door. Still reeling from the fight, it was taking everything out of you to muster up the strength to open that door and deal with whatever was waiting on the other side. With a deep sigh, you did so anyway. It was surprising for you to find Jake peering at you from the other side of the open door, a curious look on his handsome face. 

“Hey kid. We’re going to get going now. I just wanted to talk to you for a second before hand. Can I come in?” 

You hesitated for a second, then moved so he could enter. 

“So..” He started awkwardly. “I don’t really know how to do this.” You saw his left hand reaching behind his head and scratching his scalp with a small laugh. 

His eyes drop to a little package he was holding, wrapped in the same sort of cloth as the other gifts had been. He didn’t look at you as he spoke.

“Your mum gave me this, a couple of weeks before she passed. She asked me to hold on to it and give it to your on your 18th birthday.”

Your breath stopped in your lungs. He peered at you with a sad look and handed you the little box. A small video camera, like the ones used to record the Avatar program video logs was now resting peacefully in between your hands. 

“I hope whatever’s on there will give you some peace of mind, kid. I know life’s not been kind to you, but it’s time… time to move on, you know?” 

He got up from his spot on the bed and silently made his way out of the room. “See you tomorrow?” 

With your back to him, you gave him a nod, and with that, he was gone, closing the door behind him.

You stood like that, in the same position, with the camera in your hand for a long enough time that your left leg was starting to ache, an ache that eventually overtook the one in your soul and with that, you took the camera and the bracelet you removed from Neteyam’s hands and shoved them both in the bottom drawer of your desk. “Pandora’s box.”, you thought to yourself, with a bitter chuckle. 

You woke up with a groan, and the meanest headache known to man. Yesterday felt like you did in fact have the biggest party this world has ever seen, and the hangover to match. You scrambled out of bed, still in the dark, and searched on top of your desk for the little bottle of Ibuprofen you keep for days just like this. Today’s the day…

Norm enters your room quietly, and is surprised to see you up already. “So nervous you couldn’t sleep?” He says with a tentative smile.

“Something like that.” 

“Hey…you’re happy about this, right? Tell me we haven’t done this for almost a decade for no reason, cause you know, we can’t just give someone else the Avatar.” he says, with an uncomfortable chuckle. 

“I’m happy, Norm. It’s just a lot to take in, you know? A lot is going to have to change, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t tend to do well with change.” you response, laughing to yourself.

“Yeah, me and Max worried about that, but, Ace… you have weathered every storm life’s thrown at you like a champ and I think beyond this great unknown lays a future so bright it will be able to make this planet shift on its axis.” 

You throw your head back and laugh loudly, “Wow, that’s a lot of trust right there. I’ll try not to disappoint.” 

If only Norm knew… knew how you have not been able to brave any storm, and how the storms, in time, turned to tornadoes and then hurricanes and then bigger hurricanes and all you’ve done your whole life is just move further in to the middle of the shelter hoping that someday they’ll just go away by themselves and when they do, there’s still some walls, any walls, surrounding you. 

You put some of Grace’s old workout clothes on and made your way to the Avatar room and properly looked at it, probably for the first time in your life. You used to love coming here as a kid, looking at the scientists in their link pods, at your mum in hers, sitting in Max’s lap and watching the brain activity, bombarding him with questions with answers you couldn’t’ possibly comprehend yet. You’ve moved away from that fascination in time. Now here you stood, about to get your own linkpod and your own brain activity analysed. You peered in the room next to it, where on a big flat metal table lay a blue body, and you couldn’t help yourself from moving closer until your breath was so close to the window in was fogging up the glass. You placed a hand on the cold glass and stared at the new you, and a small smile appeared on your face. It was beautiful, more so than you ever thought your human form to be. Your heart picked up pace in your chest and you were shocked at the realisation that the nerves that you thought only reflected fear and anxiety, also reflected excitement. 

“It’s time.” Max said from somewhere behind you.

You turned and made your way with timid steps towards the linkpod. You climbed on it and the feeling of the green malleable foam woke up a memory inside you, that you fought to push back to where it came from. Now’s not the time. It was cold on your arms and thighs as you lay in it, but weirdly comfortable, like what you would imagine water mattresses you saw in old Hollywood movies to feel. 

Max placed a metal frame of sorts on top on your own and spoke slowly. “Okay, you know the drill, Ace. You have to relax and let your mind go blank. You will be disoriented when you wake up, so take your time in there and don’t rush. Please don’t do a Jake.” 

You chuckled at the story you’ve heard one too many times, but never seemed to get tired of it. 

“We will have to run tests to make sure everything is in order. This is new territory for all of us, and we don’t know how the Avatar will behave yet, so we will take our time and do it right.” 

“Aye aye, Captain.”

You did as you were told and found it hard to relax and let your mind go blank when it was running a million miles an hour with so many emotions, so many thoughts and worries. Still, with all your might, you sat there, and cleared your mind for a split second. It was enough. 

You woke up like from a dream, feeling groggy and tired. Your muscles hurt, a lot. You winced slightly at the gentle touch of a hand, which felt like that time you touched the inside of an electrical socket and got slightly electrocuted. You felt clothes clinging to your body and hated the way the synthetic fabric felt against your skin. You took your first breath and your nose crinkled in disgust at the overbearing smell of alcohol and chloride. 

“Ace? C’mon kid, there you go, you can do it.” 

You finally opened your eyes and groaned at the intense light on the ceiling. Your eyes took a while to focus, but when they did, you saw Norm staring back at you with a smile.

“Hi.” you said, with a deep frown and groggy voice. This was overwhelming. 

“Hi back! Take it easy, alright? Me and Claire will runs some tests to make sure everything’s a-okay. It will take about an hour, I know this whole experience can be a bit strange in the beginning, so hopefully this will ease you into it.”

Norm was a man of his word, and after about an hour of wiggling every part of your body, touching your fingers to your nose, remembering names of objects and repeating it to them, among other things, you were ready to go. You realise to your surprise that you’re excited about going outside. You couldn’t stand the sensation overload that came with being in this lab, in this body. You stood up gently and removed the chords that were still attached to you. You turned around to look at the glass that was reflecting your new figure back at you, and found yourself at a loss for words for the millionth time in 24 hours. It was such a strange feeling, and you knew it would take you a while to get used to looking in the mirror and be met with this. You smiled and waved, knowing Max would be watching you from behind the glass, even though you couldn’t see it. 

Norm handed you a bag, and you peered inside to find a beige loincloth and the top Neytiri gifted you yesterday. “Go change, I think you’ll feel better in these.” 

You did as you were told. Removing the white hospital garb you had on, you looked at yourself fore the first time, properly looked. You were tall. Very tall. And skinny, very skinny. Lean was probably a better word for it, as you couldn’t see an ounce of fat anywhere on your body. You started poking your body in different spots and let out a small laugh at the feeling: it felt like touching soft metal. You were strong. The thought made you happy. You looked again in the mirror at your face. Big yellow eyes looked at you curiously. They traced your nose, and your plump lips and your white freckles, beautiful like the night sky. Your eyes settled on your hair, long and soft and dark and your arm reached behind you to bring your braid into focus. You lifted it and looked in awe at the queue and the way the tendrils were moving on their own accord. Adrenaline was coursing through your veins like water breaking apart mountains to make a canyon of your mind. 

Neteyam’s words suddenly broke through.  “You’re not going to make it.” 

Adrenaline turned into rage and you hated it, hated the boy in that moment. Hated the effect his words had on you, even after so much time. You dressed slowly and tried to make sense of the “top” Neytiri gave you. Once you put it on, you looked back in the mirror and loved the way it looked on you. You also had a newfound appreciation for the soft feel of the feathers and the beads, and took note of the contrast between it and the unnatural feeling hospital gown you were in a few minutes ago. If it wasn’t for your eyebrows and your five fingers and your soft, straight hair, you wondered if anyone could be fooled into thinking you are, in fact, Na’vi. 

“You know nothing about the real world.” 

Dropping the clothes in the bag provided, you took one last look at yourself and saw something in your eyes that wasn’t there before. Determination. The sick, stubborn determination that has always made you push out all reason as soon as someone tells you you can’t do something. 

“Tell Norm no.”

You left the room smiling. You will make him eat his words, and you will enjoy every minute of it.

You reached for the mask packs by the entrance and dropped your hand. You will never have to wear that damn mask again, you thought with satisfaction. As you stood outside, it felt again like emerging in your avatar body for the first time. So many sounds, colours, sensations flooded your being and you couldn’t even register the voice yelling your name until the person that spoke it took you by the shoulders. You hissed at the sudden contact and it shocked you. Where did that come from? 

“Angel, you there?” 

“Give her a second, Lo’ak. This is bound to overwhelm her and you yelling at her isn’t going to speed up the process.”

“I can’t believe she just hissed at me.” 

The world slowly seemed to settle around you, and you focused you sight on the boy in front of you… the boy who was now your height.

“Lo’ak?” 

“Hey, you.” The younger Sully boy gave you a big smile and eyed you intently up and down a few times. “Damn, you’re hot this way, too. This is unfair, you know? But also somehow makes me feel better that it turns out I’m not into a different species altogether, just one girl.” 

You laughed, really laughed. Lo’ak was a charmer, another one of the many many traits he inherited from his dad. 

“You’re shorter than I thought you’d be.” 

“Ouch.” You knew he wasn’t really offended, so you blew a kiss towards him and shifted your attention to the world, that you realise you have never seen before. Not properly. Its beauty left you speechless. You don’t know how you were supposed to function when all you wanted to do is just walk around, smelling the flowers. 

“We have to get going, you’re going to start your training today, and your new boss is not going to be happy if you’re late.”

“My new boss?”

“Yep. Neteyam has been given the tough job of taking your lab ass and turning it into a Na’vi warrior. I have to say, I don’t envy him,  and I definitely don’t envy you.” 

“Lo’ak, shut up.” 

Well, this is going to be fun… You had a hunch Neteyam would have to train you, as Lo’ak is too young and restless and cares about the rules too little, or not at all, to do it, but hearing it as a fact made you shudder. You haven’t spent a whole day with Neteyam in years, and you didn’t particularly care for this new-and-improved version of himself. You wondered silently how this was going to go. If the last two interactions are anything to go by, you were not in for a happy time.  

“Lo’ak should be here any second. I want you to start training her right away. Maybe start with the Pa’li first, and do bow training when that gets too much. You won’t really have to teach her the language, but try to make sure you talk in Na’vi more than in English, and this way you’ll see if there are any gaps in her knowledge and address them. Neteyam, are you listening?” 

The oldest Sully sibling was only half paying attention to what his dad was telling him. In truth, he was scared half to death. He didn’t want to do any of this. This is not how any of this was supposed to go. He couldn’t be around you. He didn’t want to be around you and he most definitely didn’t want to have to teach you the ways of the Na’vi and have to put his own training and responsibilities aside for this. He has already had to teach Lo’ak whenever his parents had better things to do and he was getting so fucking tired of being used as soon as it was convenient for other people. 

He pushed the bitter feelings aside. His parents relied on him for a reason, he tried to remember. They relied on him because they trusted him, and because he fought hard to be worthy of that trust. He had no right to complain, not when he knew how much worse it could be… for better or for worse, at least he had parents to rely on him. The thought made him sad, and he felt guilt at the words he spat at you yesterday. He knew they were for the greater good, but he also knew they crossed a line, a line that he might not be able to cross back from. 

He didn’t have time to think about the consequences of his actions, as he heard a yell that pulled him out of his thoughts and he knew it was time to come face to face with his worst nightmare. 

“We’re here!”, screamed Lo’ak, and Neteyam suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at his immature younger brother. 

He made his way outside of the tent, picking up his knife and placing it on the sheath resting beneath his chest. He took a deep breath, one that got lodged in his throat.

Next to Lo’ak was a girl. The most beautiful girl he has ever laid his eyes on. Her stripes were somehow more accentuated than normal, and they reminded him of his own. It was something he was insecure about growing up, the deep contrast something his friends and even family teased him about relentlessly, but now, looking at it on her, he realised they were blind - he was blind - to have ever hated them. Her eyes were now yellow, a big departure from her human eyes, and although it was strange, just like the rest of her, they still felt familiar to him. Like no matter what body she inhabited, her soul would always shine through, always calling out to him like a moth to a flame. He knew then he’d always feel like this about her, for the rest of his life, no matter what she looked like. Fuck.

“Look at you, kid! You look like you belong already!” 

Jake’s voice cut through the tension that you felt sitting here, being eyed at like you were a new cub at the zoo. The stares made you so uncomfortable you felt like you were going to explode, and could not wait until this was no longer a novelty to anyone, including yourself. 

“Thank you, Jake. For everything. I cannot express how grateful I am that you and Neytiri, and the tribe, are so willing to accept me in the village.” 

“No problem, kid. Anyway, we will have plenty of time to discuss everything tonight at dinner, but for now I think you and Neteyam should head off. There’s a lot to learn.”

“Right.” You turned around and gave a half-smile to Lo’ak, who looked at you like you were a deer in headlights. Maybe you did look how you felt. 

You bid a small goodbye to everyone and suddenly found yourself face to face with the only person you didn’t want to see. 

He started walking without saying a word, and you followed him. You refused to say anything to him, there was nothing to say to him after yesterday. Before yesterday, you might have demanded an explanation, you might have demanded he told you what happened to him in the year he abandoned you, what lead to him leaving without a single word, how dare he forget about what he meant to you and what you knew you meant to him, how could he just forsake you like you were nothing; you would have screamed at him and told him you hated him without meaning it and hoped he would just hug you and told you he’s sorry, that he was stupid and that he’ll never leave you again. None of that came out. You were past that. He crossed a line and you knew it in your mind that no explanation would be enough, no excuse would justify his behaviour enough to satisfy you and make you forget. Not anymore. 

His back was to you as he was leading you away from the Sully tent, and for the first time in your life, you saw him for what he was. A leader, a warrior. He was lean and muscular, and his physique reminded you a lot more of Jake than a Na’vi man’s. His shoulders were broader and his arms were bigger, leading to a more accentuated contrast between them and his waist, and you hated yourself for how it made you feel, how your mouth filled with saliva you had to force yourself to swallow and how your pulse increased so rapidly it almost made you dizzy. He was taller than you, taller than Lo’ak and you knew that even in this body, he would still tower over you. You definitely hated how that made you feel. 

He stopped at the entrance to a tent. He opened the flap of the entrance and motioned for you to enter. You obliged without a word. He followed you in and closed the flap behind him. You didn’t like being in such close proximity, but you knew you’d have to get used to it, so you let it go.

“This is now your tent. Mum and Dad thought you would feel more comfortable with your own space. They also thought you’d like my old training bow. There’s a pouch for your knife that you can put around your torso and I have the knife, but I won’t give it to you until I make sure you won’t kill me with it.” 

As far as an attempt to diffuse an awkward situation goes, this wasn’t half bad. Still, not nearly good enough to matter. He sighed at the lack of response.

“Right. I think we have to get a few things straight.”

Your eyebrow raised, but you let him go on.

“I know you’re mad. I know you’re so mad you’re probably thinking of ways of sticking needles in my eyes. But I don’t care. I was given a responsibility to take care of you and to teach you. I know you think you know everything, but you don’t. I know you think you know this world, but you don’t. Not in the way you need to, to survive. There’s a reason no scientist living on Pandora has ever become one of the people. You can’t see. As my grandma always says, “you cannot fill a cup which is already full”. I know you. Your cup is overflowing. From now on, you do what I say. Pretend you don’t know me, pretend we’re not you and me.” 

“I don’t know you, Neteyam.”

He winced inside at the words. “That’s enough!” He said, forcefully. 

“You answer to me from now on and I want to make sure you understand that. Dad will skin me alive if anything happens to you. You will listen and you will do as I say. Whatever issues you have, you’re going to have to deal with them in your own time.” 

Another blow below the belt, you thought, and reminded yourself that you were here for a reason, you were here to make him eat his words, and if he wanted to play his game this way, you were more than happy to beat him at it. 

“Yes, Sir.” 

You made your way out of the village and walked in silence through the woods. You were looking at the bow in your hand, and carefully traced every mark and scratch on its surface. You couldn’t help wonder about what events in Neteyam’s life lead to each and every one of them, and vowed to yourself that you would take care of this bow with your life, if not for anything else, for the still untarnished memory of that little boy you once loved so much. Once you reached a large clearing, with beautiful lush greenery and a majestic waterfall, you thought this was definitely a much better view for training than the reagent-filled benches of the lab. You saw about half a dozen Pa’li peacefully feeding off the sweet nectar of flowers in the distance, and smiled gently at the sight. You will never get used to it, you knew. 

“First step to being a Na’vi, learning to form Tsaheylu and learning to ride the Pa’li.” Neteyam spoke in Na’vi over the soothing sounds of the forest.

“OK.” You answered shortly.

“In Na’vi. We speak Na’vi from now on.”

“Kurkung (asshole).” Neteyam shoots you a dirty look and you can’t help but smirk. “What? That’s Na’vi. Perfect pronunciation, by the way.” 

His mouth tightened in a straight line and he left you, busying himself with a Pa’li he called over. He caressed it gently and held his hand next to his eye, whispering. 

“Tam tam, Tirea, tam tam.” 

“Get on.” He spoke to you still looking at the Pa’li. 

Even in this body, the direhorse was significantly taller than you, and you shot Neteyam an incredulous look. Regardless, you made your way to the animal and with all of your might, willed yourself to get on top of it. It took a couple of tries, but you eventually succeeded. You were stronger than you realised, and you were excited to discover exactly how strong you could become in time. 

Neteyam gently took the neural whip of the direhorse and guided it to you. You took it in your right hand and stared at it in amazement. You have heard so much about this, you have seen it firsthand with Neteyam’s Ikran, but to know you will now have to make your own Tsaheylu, experience this deep bond you knew everything and yet nothing about, it was terrifying. You left hand went behind your head and brought forward your own queue. This was it. Slowly, you brought the two together, and held tightly on to the Pa’li as the new sensation overwhelmed all of your senses. It felt like all of your neurons were firing at the same time. It felt like you were being electrocuted. As the feeling subsided, you felt a breath that was moving at the same time as your own, you felt a second heartbeat that was going much faster than yours possibly could, and you tried to calm yourself down as you knew the nervousness the animal felt was mirroring your own. Neteyam allowed you a second to experience this for yourself with no interruption, and you appreciated that. He trusted you enough to give you some space, and with everything, at least this hasn’t changed.

“This is Tsaheylu. The bond. Take some time to feel her, feel her heartbeat, her breath. Feel her strong legs. You can tell her what to do, inside your mind. Remember that as you can feel her, she can feel you, too. Your emotions impact her, your thoughts impact her, so you have to calm your mind.Easier said than done in your case, I fear.” 

You felt your anger pick up and the Pa’li let out a scream and rose on its hind legs, throwing you straight in the dirt. Neteyam laughed, but came to help you get up. As you were removing mud from your face and hair and cursing all manners of profanities under you breath, you came to the bitter realisation this was going to be harder than you thought, especially with him as your teacher. 

He still knew you too well. You slapped his hand away and got up by yourself, indignantly. You jumped back on the Pa’li and tried your very, very best, to calm yourself before making the bond. The horse didn’t react as violently as last time, so you figured you were off to a better start. You calmed your mind as much as you could, like you did in the linkpod, and imagined her slowly moving forward. You smiled when she did just that, no words needed. It was hard to be able to maintain your composure when you were LITERALLY mind controlling another living being, but despite it needing active continuous effort, you felt you were doing a good job. You managed to make her go, sprint, gallop and turn, and despite the direhorse’s best efforts, you were somehow still tightly attached to its back. 

After a couple of hours, Neteyam told you to get off. He told you to follow him, and he took off, not sparing you a second glance. You followed him the best you could for a while, desperately trying to overlook how uncomfortable being barefoot made you feel. You didn’t like it at all, and more and more, you felt your heartbeat picking up in your chest and your knees shaking. You felt beads of sweat getting in your eyes and they stung, so you stopped. Your laboured breath became shallow, and your hands were shaking uncontrollably as you raised them to wipe your forehead. You felt your knees collapse under you, and you knew what was about to happen and that it was too late to stop it. 

“Neteyam, wait up.” You called after the blue boy, slight panic in your voice.

“I thought we were supposed to be racing.” 

“You win, alright? Don’t leave me alone in the woods.” 

You saw Neteyam jogging back to where you stood with a guilty look on his face. “You know I’d never leave you alone.”

He picked you up and placed you on his back. “After 16 years, have I ever left you alone?” 

“Well, you’ve been training a lot recently and I barely get to see you anymore, so I would say yes, you leave me alone plenty, more than I can say I care for.” 

“Well, I want to be strong and capable so I can always protect you. I mean look at you, Tuk’s gonna be stronger than you soon.” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” You pretended to ignore his first sentence and how it lit your entire body on fire. 

You walked like this for a while. You placed your head on his shoulder and peered up at the tall trees. Prolimuris were swinging on them, picking up fruits as they went along. You saw two infants following their mother and stopping on the same branch as her, where she passed them what you were sure was a tasty afternoon snack. You smiled contently at the scene, and at the feeling of warmth Neteyam provided. 

“Put me down, I want to walk! I came with you to exercise, not be carried like a tiny Pandoran baby.” 

He did as you asked, huffing at your forever mercurial temper. 

With your back still to him, you let out a laugh and started running. “Race you to the clearing in the distance?” 

He rolled his eyes, and with a laugh, stopped himself. He always gave you a head start. “Fine, but you can’t get mad when I beat you again!” 

You turned around to give him a smile as you were running and loved the feeling of the ground beneath your feet. The only place you could run around barefoot, the only time you still felt alive. 

You came to an abrupt halt when your foot touched something strange, something unnatural. You slowly looked at your feet and froze in place as the smooth pale object made your blood run cold. It couldn’t be. You stepped away from it, not leaving it from your view and slowly, deliberately knelt down next to it. You heard Neteyam coming to a halt behind you, but couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge his presence. Your hands started digging in the ground with morbid curiosity and the sounds around you became muffled as your erratic heartbeat was the only thing you could still hear. You removed the ground around it and tears formed in your eyes at the realisation that this was indeed what you feared it was: a human skull. A human skull you just stepped on. Before you knew it, your hands were reaching for a glimmer of silver shining in the shallow grave. You lifted it to your eye line and heard yourself scream, wail louder than you ever had before. The panic that overtook you was primal, but not unfamiliar and you threw the dog tag on the ground, with enough force you hoped would bury it further than anybody would ever be able to dig. You couldn’t see properly anymore, the tears and dizziness flooding your senses and you prayed you passed out, prayed to make this stop, prayed you were back in your room where your Xanax always lay by your bedside table. In a blind rage, you were clawing at your feet, trying to remove the dirt, remove the skin that stepped on your dad’s dead body like it was a gum wrapper on the pavement. Soon enough, you could taste the metal taste of blood that was lingering in the air and by the grace of whatever spirit was out there still looking after you, you felt yourself collapse in Neteyam’s arms. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi

[555-makeawish]

So it's been a while. I wanted to make these weekly but oooh time passes me by babeyyyy.

For real.

One thing I've realized is that I take a loooot more time than other people to /process/ stuff. Whatever it might be, a crush, a fight with a family member or even an acquaintance, new topics to learn, CLEANING, I will need two days minimum to actually start doing/reflecting/whatever. I've literally counted the days. It's two, minimum. I don't know what to do with that info.

So, in the meantime I've literally consumed so much content that I have some to bring here.

I'm still listening to newjeans, a LOT. I don't know really know a lot about them but what I do know is that they can make a tune!! What's ur ETA!!

Look at this. Me atrapaste, es cine

Also. I've been thinking about painting my door white. I have to buy the stuff but in my country we have a three day holiday so I'm not gonna be able to buy anything until TUESDAY. I might just lose interest.

I know it's not gonna look /exactly like this/ but *will graham voice* this is my design. It *is* cute.

I also have some ideas that I would like to make time to do eventually.

- practice css (I picked it up a couple of months ago, panicked and left my vsc and my neocities to rot).

- learn to make eclairs. with those little metal things that give them shape. (I don't have them... If I have some money left from the paint I just might buy them). My idea was to make a list of recipes and learn them "in order" but I don't have the first idea about patisserie so I'll just search by vibes.

- finish my popcorn stitch pouch. Like I started BUT I don't have enough yarn, and knowing me I'd leave it for another two days before I even start thinking about going to the store. It's so cute even though I only made one row 😭😭😭😭 I wanted to do the tulip thingy that was popular at one point but I don't have green yarn 🤪🤪

Soooo, enough of me for this week (?) Obviously I did more normal stuff (partially true) but I'm not telling!!

Love,

Nana

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

5.30.23 Tuesday

12:29 am

Hmm...Janna and RV left the water flowing on their bathroom faucet...

I checked Janna and Zyah are already sleeping and RV is on his computer... I approached him that RV your faucet in the bathroom is flowing, you forgot to switch off... Then, he said no, we closed it...I said go out and check it... He went to their bathroom and saw that their bathroom faucet is flowing and he is weirdly and in an irritated way he said we are not using it! I was quiet and I thought my brother RV is also having a split personality... But he switched it off.. But how can he say that they are not using their faucet in the bathroom? It is open... Well, just reminding them to switch it off... I think RV has a split or soul interference hoping that they are all aware of it...

7:41 am

This Uncle DD is crazy again...My Aunt Teresa told me then what is the problem,I want this Uncle DD be on a punishment angels...

HE IS REACTING THAT I'M WRONG FOR SENDING THE BILLS THAT HE IS RECEIVING SOMETHING, THE FUNDINGS... ( or I didn't send to him but I did send last May 24! )... Guardian angels, please see below the proof document that I did send him last May 24!

He knew that whatever bills here, he will handle it there from a far...

He is making me stupid...

Sometimes, I want this Uncle DD to be killed coz he is weird but I'm not a bad person...

Electric bills, water bills and whatever bills the deal is Uncle DD will handle it and Aunt Teresa always told me that way... So,why he keeps on reacting this way again and again and same pattern of Uncle DD's behaviour...

Our cheap electric bills,straight talk cheap! ( cheap coz we can't open other appliances ). These are 2 months but the above was paid already... Cheap help-deal!

He is making a way just to prove his providence but he is as well receiving something...

Can someone or my angels back-read his new text above... It is the end of the month now again, angels...

I sent this to Uncle DD last May 24! Then he will text me why I just sent it today...huh?

Uncle DD is big liar!!!!

8:26 am

Aunt Teresa told me that Uncle DD is somehow stupid, probably got confused...

9:03 am

Uncle DD will go here today, he called me few minutes ago... Oh! I need to arrange my stuff here coz Uncle DD will be here...

9:07 am

I wanna leave the hometown...

Wanna leave Cavite for life ( sometimes I feel that way...)....

9:40 am

Another youtube crush...

If I'm just younger and still spoiled... But no longer spoiled....If I can hire a gigolo but I'm so poorish, to save my ignored entire being...

11:29 am

Uncle DD is already here....Waiting for food this lunchie...

I don't feel them here will continue their house... I don't like them here...

It is their house angels... Fake Uncle DD he pulled us down here...

He will shoulder the son of Aunt Karen's education....Huh? I want him dead angels... Father figure effect... Coz they bought the land at the side.... Father figure on the children of Aunt Karen...

Very good son on mama Trining that he wanted to kill this grandmother before...

What an ugly story here...

Strange behaviour of Uncle DD... I want him dead angels...

I will be just be here... I hate the windblow trap...Giving money it doesn't mean a good intention...

I'm calling a kill,Angels....

5:49 pm

Got the super tight budgeting from Uncle DD, case is bridging/cover/shoulder/providence...

It is just ugly if they starting to live here at the side, I mean they're creating their house and it is so ugly that Uncle DD planned to be a father figure on Aunt Karen's son to the point that I'm still here and will appear stupid that I'm the college the graduate and I'm not working and I think he is part of the people who are controlling my life situation...Uncle DD is as well fake that he wanted me to walk forever....

How can he be a father figure on other people if he couldn't fulfill his deal on me... I got sick to the point that I had psychiatrist but I'm 100% sane... That I can sue anyone who will damage my entire being... He can't keep up on my coffee, angels... How? How can he be a father figure? What is his point of living here probably just to compete me, angels?

6:13 pm

Oh! My God! Joyice Cream is so deserving for a thousand claps...

8:24 pm

Heat is nothing having this Joyice Cream ;) You can't resist this ice cream...

10:19 pm

Done, doing our routine my baby and I... Whew! Lil relax and will take my shower...

I still have pelvic pain... I still wanna buy starbucks everyday... I need and thinking of money and self-fulfillment....I feel self-pity... I wanna leave the hometown..