#just a slacker with big ass glasses apparently

[ultravioletrayz]

face reveal!! (in honour of reaching almost 1,500 followers)

please be kind, i'm not an insta model 🥹

sorry the pics are so shitty, i took them on my macbook in between submitting coursework for uni because i thought i looked hot 😓😓

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

][All questions for otp meme Wulf + Rhys][

@blind-mutant

Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?

Wulf is the big beefy barista who is earning some Midgardian money to pay for supplies and accessories. He's always thrilled to talk to customers as he serves them and Rhys is the helpless little fool who visits almost every day because he's a simp whose enhanced by the big ass man who beamed at him and gave him two pastries for free.

And perhaps Rhys now steals more wallets so he can see Wulf, whose to say? And perhaps he always asks for the pastries on the bottom shelf so he can see Wulf bend over, don't judge him.

Highschool/College AU: Who is the straight-A student, and who’s the backrow slacker?

Rhys doesn't think much of school. He got this far without school, and under Mystique's rules, school surely isn't going ri matter much anymore, right? But then these two giant siblings enter the school and now Rhys has to deal with said giant siblings taking an interests in school...and seemingly not knowing anything about anything.

Which is...ridiculous? Surely these kids should know how rain works and the shit they do in gym is ridiculous. But now apparently Edith is dating Wanda Maximoff and now Rhys is stuck with the constant visits of her dorky younger brother who...actually makes Rhys want to try harder in order to get the 6'0 beefcake to notice him. Rhys doesn't think its right that Wulf claims he's 198 but damn if he doesn't want to study with the boy who lifted Scott Summers up in good spirit with one hand.

Rivals to loves AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons? 

Wulf cannot stand the way Rhys seems to hang around the Asgardian stables, using his powers in blatant disrespect. How could anyone unlock their Odin Force and yet not willingly serve the royal family? It sends a surge of annoyance through Wulf because they should be thankful for their powers, not for Rhys to do what he likes with them and to spend half of his time sitting around the stables and flirting widly.

Rhys on the other hand, thinks it's incredibly amusing to tease Wulf. The bigger man is always instant on doing the right thing and Rhys just wants to try and get him to have fun. After all, isn't it living up to his element to have fun? Plus, Rhys adores the horses and he demands to have a ride with Wulf on Ragnarok one of these days!

Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides? 

Its the wrong thing and agaisnt the rules of everything Wulf stands for, but one day he breaks into Hel and frees Rhys when his death comes. A different Valkyrie and taken his soul and even Edith cracks, making Wulf to swear an oath that he shall never involve her when he breaks into Hel and saves Rhys's soul.

He can never go back to Asgard and without the golden apples, Wulf will one day become a mortal man and age like everyone else. Its quite stressful, knowing that you are fated to becoming a mortal man and that you've truly lost everything. But Rhys now has a new lease on life and he's determined to make good use of it, as well as finally seeing the opportunity of having Wulf all to himself and helping him learn to enjoy life as a Midgardian.

Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate? 

Wulf is originally thrilled. The idea of sharing a romance with his intended is incredible to him. A work of fate that only Freya could do. But when he finds out that his soulmate is Midgardian, Wulf is torn. He has been fated to a soulmate who is doomed to die long before he is and isn't that terrible? How can he willingly be in love and curse Rhys to such a thing?

Rhys, on the other hand, knows that there's some shit up with the kind Asgardian that always wants to help him or does nice things. But when Ragnarok let's it slip that Wulf is Rhys's destined other half and never thought to tell him? Oh boy, Wulf is in for it buddy.

Single parent AU: Which one is the single parent? (Alt. if they’re both single parents: Which one is open to starting a new relationship from the start? Which one is never planning on finding love again… Until they meet the other and are instantly smitten?)

Rhys has some troubles with his kid, he wasn't an easy child and that seems to have passed down. It's harder to care for a child when its even harder to find work as a mutant and single father. But Rhys is intent on doing fine. That is, before the ridiculously large man tries do being his goddamn horse into Rhys's workplace.

The weirdo is...charming. Laughs sweetly at the shitty jokes Rhys tells and seems far too genuine for Rhys to not feel bad about making fun of him internally. His name is Wulf and he always comes in to buy the most ridiculous things that Rhys isn't sure Wulf actually needs, or is just buying them to see him. His kid likes Wulf though and Rhys supposes that makes him alright, more so when Wulf tells such interesting stories to his child that even Rhys finds himself charmed by the silly man.

And then Wulf unwittingly calls Rhys a dilf brightly and that's the moment he falls in love with the dumbass.

Doctor AU: Which one is the longsuffering doctor? Which one is the patient? 

Rhys is terrified about being in the doctor's again. He promised himself he would never go yet here he was, needing a checkup since he was having a fever and the treatment was for free...

But then he can never seem to get a ready time to go in due to the fact that the man before him needed a vaccine and the needles can't seem to pierce his skin while others seem to have old affects once they enter his bloodstream. They want to keep Wulf in overnight but Wulf is more concerned with chatting to Rhys and trying to help the smaller man feel comfortable, even if that gets him in trouble when he shatters a glass for another drink and a doctor yells. At least Rhys's already pale face seems to soften and smile.

Bodyguard AU: Who is the bodyguard? Who are they protecting? Which one is secretly pining for the other? 

Rhys is used to rowdy fans, being a popular rockstar and all. But he isn't used to being assigned a bodyguard of all things! Wulfsige is big and polite but keeps breaking doors and shattering glasses while swearing in Old Norse under his breath. Rhys loves him. And definitely lusts after him after Wulf picks up a shitty fan by their collar and throws them across the room (using his powers to soften the blow).

Wulf is charmed by the way Rhys's eyes follow him, but he worries about the dangers the smaller man gets into and often will offer to help Rhys out more or to try and make reasons to stay with him more. Rhys is beautiful and his music makes Wulf's heart soar, especially when it almost feels like Rhys looks out for him within a crowd. But Midgardian culture is different and he shall not try to impose on Rhys and hurt the man he has sworn to protect for as long as he is needed. Rhys still cries over this.

Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this? 

It's been over a hundred hears of sailing on water, since Wulf and Edith decided that the seas were filled with far too many dying souls and magic to be ignored. There's some legend or so about a "flying dutchman" but Wulf pays no attention to it since he isn't Dutch and he simply uses the air currents to walk and soar rather than flying.

But oh boy, Rhys? He grew up hearing tales of a dutchman and a woman who stained soil with blood. It's a dream to be free from humans and to enjoy the open air in such a free place. It sounds like a dream. So when he walks along the docks one night and finds out that the flying dutchman is actually a hot beefy blond who resembles a golden retriever?? Hell yeah Rhys is gonna try and enchant and woo Wulf onto the shp.

Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?

Wulf remembers the learning trips down to Midgard. He looked ten but had the mental age of a five year old. It was disconcerting to see but Rhys? As if he was going to be put off by the large boy who spoke funny and would scare the crueler children away. Usually it would just be the two of them together and it had been for quite a few years. Wulf didn't understand why Rhys's family wouldn't approve of such a gifted child while Rhys loved stories of Wulf's home but would frown at hearing how old and tough Asgardian life is.

Then Wulf eventually had to return home and that was that for many years. Their lives carried on in their intended paths until Rhys was drawn to that fateful bar. Wulf is thrilled to be reunited with Rhys once more and delights on sharing all that has happned. Rhys meanwhile, is still struggling over the fact that Wulf is apparently real. Not imaginary. Also the fact that Rhys, an adult, is left gaping at the fact that said childhood best friend is ripped and big as an adult.

Oh boy. And touchy.

[analogscum]

DON’S PLUM (2001, d. R.D. Robb)

Why is it, my dear Scumbags, that forbidden fruit is the sweetest fruit of all? Why is it that, when we know that we can’t have something, it only makes us want it that much more? This applies to any number of life’s pleasures, but especially to movies. Just think of the number of films that are out there, just waiting to be viewed, but because they’ve either been lost to time, or the powers that be have locked them away somewhere, we may never get to experience. London After Midnight. The Day the Clown Cried. Until recently, anyway, The Other Side of the Wind. Well, tonight, thanks to the magic of illegal YouTube uploads, I’m here to tell you about some of that forbidden fruit. We’re going to talk about a film that its stars do not want you to see (if you live in America or Canada, that is), a film that to this day they continue to try and bury via any legal shenanigans they can. So get ready, because it’s time to take a big juicy bite out of Don’s Plum.

To start, we must talk about the nineties. In the nineties, two big things happened that allowed Don’s Plum to come into existence: the advent of low-budget Indies with cool kids talking in verbose, provocative lingo (see: Pulp Fiction, Clerks, Reality Bites, Kids, etc.), and the teen heartthrob coronation of Leonardo DiCaprio. As an infamous New York magazine profile from 1998 established, young Leo ran with a gang of fellow young thespians who would be immortalized as “the Pussy Posse.” The modus operandi of the Pussy Posse was…well, you can probably guess what it was. These guys were all about scoring chicks and getting loaded and not tipping waitresses, and they lived like goddamn boy kings. Leo was the leader, with his two best friends Tobey Maguire and Kevin Connolly on either side of the pussy throne. Other members of the Pussy Posse included David Blaine, Lucas Haas, and R.D. Robb, who you undoubtedly remember as the kid who played Schwartz in A Christmas Story. Anyway, around 1995, Robb had a boffo idea: if I could get my hands on a camera and some black and white film, I could shoot my friends doing what we do every night, just hanging out acting like douchebags, and somehow this will magically congeal into a smash indie hit. So Leo and Tobey, who were allegedly under the impression that this was just going to be a short film, gave Robb a bunch of money to make this thing, which he did, casting Leo, Tobey, Kevin Connolly, and a bunch of their other friends, shooting on and off for a two year period, with the young actors improvising almost all of their dialogue. And with that, let’s get into the finished film itself, shall we?

Los Angeles. The mid to late nineties. Everything is in black and white and super fuckin’ suave, because, again, it’s Los Angeles in the mid to late nineties. Jeremy Sisto is driving a pickup truck with leopard print seats. He kicks a hippie chick out of the passenger seat, mumbling something about “I need…pleasure. And…I need…to know that with…BRUTE FORCE, I got you out of my life, mmkay?” So, uh, right off the bat, um, that dialogue. Yikes, right? The hippie chick, for her part, gets very angry and yells, “You were supposed to take me to Vegas!” Don’t worry, we never find out why she was going to Vegas in the first place, or who Jeremy Sisto’s character is, because he then promptly drives out of the movie. Bye, Jeremy Sisto! Beep beep!

Cut to Tobey Maguire, who looks like he just finished going through puberty roughly five minutes before Robb called “action!” He’s got a dopey look on his face, and an unfortunate bowl cut/chin scruff combo that makes him look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. He’s sitting in a moody mid to late nineties café, drinking a comically large cappuccino, and half paying attention to the absolute worst goddamn music I have ever heard in my life. The end credits describe this band as “acid jazz,” but I think a more accurate description would be “music to try and swallow your own tongue to.” It’s like a fiendishly unlistenable combination of free jazz, ska, Tom Waits hobo wailing, and beat poetry, and it should’ve been left back in the nineties where it belongs, alongside Olestra and the Kosovo war. Tobey is trying to pick up some ladies to bring to hang out with his friends later, but oddly enough none of these women want to hang out with an arrogant sad sack who has all the charisma and sex appeal of Uncle Joey from Full House. Meanwhile, there’s like a full-on burlesque dance number happening to accompany this zoot suit cacophony, and the director only occasionally cuts to it for a few seconds at a time. I guess, who needs to see a big splashy musical number when you can watch a comic relief wet blanket who just got his first pubes strike out with every woman he talks to, right? Luckily, the café waitress takes pity on him and agrees to accompany him to meet up with his friends, and then does basically nothing else for the rest of the movie. Occasionally the scene will cut to her to remind us that she’s there, but, like, is she really there, though?

Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley is sitting facing a dude who is showing his bare ass to the camera, because that’s how real fuckin’ life just is, maaaaan, not everyone always wears pants, dude! They apparently just had sex, even though she’s fully clothed, and they get into a philosophical argument about nothing and everything, as if they’re in the worst deleted scene from Slacker. Even though they clearly hate each other, the dude, Brad, invites Jenny Lewis to come meet up with his friends, and she makes some overly hostile joke about how he didn’t make her cum earlier, because low-budget indie movie. Next we see Kevin Connolly driving down the street in his Jeep, when he encounters the hippie girl from the beginning of the movie, like a couple of star-crossed blabbedy blahs. Finally, FINALLY, we’re introduced to Leo, when he borrows a comically large mid to late nineties cell phone from this little hood rat kid who insists on telling him some boring story about a brawl at the Viper Room even though Leo is CLEARLY trying to use said comically large mid to late nineties cell phone to call up every fine young female he knows to meet up with him and his friends. This makes the little hood rat kid very very angry, and its supposed to be funny, I guess? Anyway, like they were all fated since time immemorial to do, all of our leads finally converge down at the titular greasy spoon eatery, Don’s Plum.

Now, have you ever been at a restaurant, and you find yourself sitting near a table of people who are so obnoxious, so vapid, so relentlessly annoying and unpleasant, that you can no longer enjoy your food, and just find yourself eavesdropping on every improbably stupid thing that these goddamn condom leaks are rattling on about, slowly being pulled further and further into their vortex of suck? You have? Well, then, congratulations, because that experience is the rest of this fuckin’ movie. Jenny Lewis and Brad are the first to arrive, and what do they do? They start playing a goddamn harmonica. Um, no. Hell no. I’m trying to enjoy my meal in relative peace and quiet, you know what I don’t need? Your shitty ass John Popper impressions, ok? Get that shit all the way outta here. Then, just to really up the insufferability factor, Jenny Lewis starts opining about Bob Dylan, but she only calls him Bob, which, you can take that one away from here right away, and then launches into the following diatribe...

“You know what I’m so sick of though? All that fucking commercial grunge crap. It all sounds alike. It’s like the record companies that are promoting sterile music. I mean, I love Nirvana, don’t get me wrong, but they weren’t the Beatles.”

WOOF. Mercifully, Brad interrupts her to tell her that he loves her, even though it’s their like, first or second date. She’s reasonably creeped out by this, and just by how earnest and dark and brooding Brad is in general, until thankfully Tobey and the waitress show up, soon followed by Kevin and the hippie hitchhiker. Leo gets his own grand entrance, checking himself out in the reflection of an aquarium while some mid to late nineties boom bap hip hop blares on the soundtrack, natch. For the next hour or so, the group basically just chain smoke countless cigarettes (remember when restaurants had smoking sections?), harasses their waitress, Flo (hey, it’s a mid to late nineties indie movie, were they supposed to NOT name the waitress Flo?) and talk shit endlessly. They also say the word “bro” a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Like, way too much. The world’s most date rapey frat dude would tell them to relax with how much they say the word “bro.”

Suddenly, in between all of the cigarettes and “bros,” a morbidly obese lady walks past the table, and Leo mocks her for daring to be morbidly obese. The hippie hitchhiker takes umbrage with this, and Leo, charming guy that he is, calls her a “squatty piece of hippie shit cunt.” This escalates to the point where the hippie hitchhiker storms off, throwing her Birkenstocks at Leo, and then smashes Kevin’s windshield with a bat that she found…somewhere? Anyway, she’s out of the movie now, and replacing her is Jenny Lewis’s friend Constance, who they just happen to run into. So more bullshitting and chain smoking unfolds. Female masturbation is discussed, because mid to late nineties indie movie. They play Never Have I Ever, and Kevin doesn’t understand the rules, which is kinda endearing. They almost get into a fight with some creep in a mechanics outfit and Buddy Holly glasses. A horrible ska cover of the “Menomena” song from The Muppet Show pops up for a minute of your life that you’ll never get back. Leo sends the group into more turmoil when he outs Brad as bisexual and gives Tobey shit for being vegan. He also gropes Jenny Lewis’s breasts countless times, but no one seems to mind. They all fight about this for awhile, but eventually apologies are offered and they’re bros once again. However, upon learning that Brad is into both girls and guys, Jenny Lewis begins freaking out about AIDS, because ugggh. Then she and Constance start making out for absolutely no reason other than mid to late nineties indie movie. At one point, the film fades out for no reason, and then fades up again on the exact same scene just in time to hear one of the ladies ask the table, “do you guys bathe every day and, like, wash yourself with soap?” Meanwhile, the film will occasionally cut to short vignettes of the characters each saying non-sequiturs into the restroom mirror. Why? Again, because mid to late nineties indie movie. DUH.

The absolute weirdest scene occurs when Kevin Connolly notices a lady producer whom he auditioned for the previous week. He calls her “Spielberg with a pussy,” because of course he does, what else would he call her? The rest of the table convinces him to go talk to her. To both our surprise and his, when he tentatively approaches her at the bar, she’s like, Oh my god, Kevin Connolly! It’s so good to see you! I’m sorry you didn’t get that part you auditioned for, but get this, I was just watching your tape again the other day, and I want to cast you in the lead in this other movie that I’m doing! Not only that, I have to admit, I find you and your Cub Scout haircut and thrift store bowling shirt to be super fucking sexy, and later on tonight I wanna fuck your brains out so hard, so take my number and call me, hot stuff.

WHAT?!?! Like, is this supposed to be a fantasy sequence? Is it? If it is, you have to tell me, movie! Shellshocked and erect, Kevin returns to the table and recounts the whole thing, including the line “bro, it was crazy, bro! She was on my dick so hard!” Leo, meanwhile, is wearing some fake redneck dentures, talking in an exaggerated Southern accent, and eating his own boogers. This is all real, you guys, I promise.

Anyway, some more shit happens, and everyone is yapping about some stupid, possibly offensive nonsense when suddenly a lady at the next table over slaps the guy that she’s with. Hard. Slaps him really hard. Our heroes get quiet for less than a second, before remarking on the slap that just took place. Holy shit bro, that bitch slapped that guy so hard bro, bro bro bro bro, etc. When things get back to normal, Leo is suddenly quiet and sullen. Kevin notices, and tries to coax it out of him the best way he knows how, which is by asking, “you fuckin’ thinkin’ about something, bro?” Leo starts giving all of these cagey, mysterious non-answers, and before long everyone at the table wants to know if he’s fuckin’ thinkin’ about something, bro. Leo takes a deep drag off of his cigarette, and tells everyone, “my dad committed suicide bro.”

WHAAAT?!?! I’ve gotta say, I honestly did not see this coming. In a mood, Leo storms off for the back bar. Jenny Lewis follows him, and tries to make him feel better by relating her OWN familial sob story: “My dad is gone. And my mom is a junkie. She sells her ass on the corner.”

WHAAAAAAT?!?! All of these sudden dollops of soap opera drama, man! Good gravy. For whatever reason, this turns Leo on, and he tries to bang her. She rebuffs his advances, and they get into an overwrought screaming match that plays out like a Level One improv exercise at the world’s shittiest acting school. Meanwhile, back at the table, Tobey gets mad at Kevin for pushing Leo to reveal the truth about his dead dad, and this escalates into a full on fist fight! BRO!

Now, holy shit, you guys, the last five minutes of this movie. Jenny Lewis runs into the bathroom, and begins lamenting into the mirror about how she let a “perfectly good fuck” get away. As she’s saying all this, she pulls some tinfoil, a straw and a lighter out of her purse and just straight up starts FREEBASING CRACK COCAINE.

WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?! Kinda makes all that AIDS talk seem kinda hollow, huh? Then, oh my god, she starts crying and launches into this fucking after school special monologue, screaming into the mirror about how “I was the one that came on to Uncle Jerry! I was the one that was curious!”

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?! Excuse me, waitress, but it seems you got drug abuse and child molestation in my mid to late nineties indie movie! What is ANY OF THAT doing in here?! And in the last five goddamn minutes of the movie, no less! So now Tobey and Kevin’s bro fight has spilled out onto the street, so Leo goes and breaks it up, he and Kevin do a very intricate secret bro handshake, everyone has a good laugh, Brad lights Kevin’s bowling shirt on fire, everyone goes prancing down the street, and the movie ends.

Now, imagine that you’re Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire. It’s late 1997, or possibly early 1998. One of you is now the biggest movie star on the planet, thanks to a movie about a big-ass boat. You’ve just seen this Don’s Plum movie that your little buddy R.D. Robb made. First of all, it’s a full-length fucking movie, not a short like you both thought it would be. Second of all, both of you are in there saying terrible things about women, doing terrible things to women, and oh shit, the majority of your fans…wait for it…are women! Bro! But worst of all, our little buddy R.D. Robb, who we thought was our friend, our fellow Pussy Posse member, our BRO, is shopping this fucking movie around to distributors? This fucking movie that could possibly end our careers if anyone ever sees it? Tell me, if you were Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire in late 1997 or early 1998, would you do everything in your power to make sure that Don’s Plum never saw the light of day?

Well, according to a lawsuit filed in 1998 by one of the film’s producers, David Stutman, that’s exactly what Leo and Tobey did. Interestingly enough, according to court documents, apparently it was Tobey who was more concerned with how his performance in the film would negatively affect his nascent stardom, and therefore enlisted his much more famous best friend to help him carry out “a fraudulent and coercive campaign to prevent the release of the film.” I mean, Leo comes off as WAY more of an asshole than Tobey, who mainly just mopes around and eventually bro fights with Kevin Connolly, but in any case, both parties eventually reached a settlement in which Stutman agreed that Don’s Plum would not be released in the U.S. or Canada. It premiered at the Berlin Film Festival on February 10, 2001, and quickly faded into Hollywood lore.

Every few years, talk of this wild, black and white, mostly improvised movie with some big celebrities before they got famous will pop up again. Most recently, back in early 2016, another of the film’s producers, Dale Wheatley, uploaded the film to Vimeo and posted it to his website, freedonsplum.com, where anyone could watch it for free. Within days, Leo and Tobey’s respective legal teams had the video removed. You would think that after more than twenty years, with Leo now a respected Oscar winner, and Tobey having brought Spider-Man to life on the big screen, they’d be willing to let bygones be bygones. But it seems that they’re still legitimately concerned that they would stand to lose their vaunted place amongst the Hollywood elite if North American audiences ever got to see Don’s Plum. They still fear it. They still think it’s dangerous. In reality, it’s just embarrassing, which isn’t the same thing.

Truth is, there are a million movies out there just like Don’s Plum. There are a million other overly earnest, needlessly vulgar, navel-gazing indie movies made by overly earnest, needlessly vulgar, navel-gazing young people about the lives of overly earnest, needlessly vulgar, navel-gazing young people out there. I mean, I went to film school, fer chrissakes, I can say with some level of authority that Don’s Plum is the sort of project that my classmates and I poured our hearts and souls Into, only to be embarrassed by its messy, guileless sincerity later. The only thing that distinguishes Don’s Plum from the horde of other cringeworthy embryonic efforts like it is, as I said before, its status as cinematic forbidden fruit. Will its two stars ever allow the audience that it was made for to have a taste? Somehow I doubt it, bro.

[andromedahawking]

NaNoWriMo Day 6

10K!!!

Tatie sipped her drink. “Then again, college professor money isn’t really anything to make a fuss about anyway. So I guess he does make a lot of money off it compared to the average.”

“That’s pretty nice. I’ve really only got the money for the bottom two floors of my landlady’s house.”

“You rent someone’s house? That’s interesting.”

“Well, I guess, but it’s not really that uncommon. It’s nice, and my landlady rents it to me at a really unbeatable rate. I wouldn’t be able to get anything like it anywhere else in this area.”

“That’s true,” Tatie laughed. “This place strikes me as a ‘rich people in the valley’ kind of area.”

“It is,” Maria nodded. “Which goes really well with my whole aesthetic of hating people who remind me of my low status.”

“Oh, then you must love me.”

“Oh yeah, totally. I’m jealous just looking at you. You have the pretty face, the nice hair, the good clothes, what’s not to love?”

Tatie giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. “Stop, you’ll make me blush. And look who’s talking! You’re way prettier than I am.”

“Oh, my god, don’t you get started,” Maria said. “You’re prettier than me, you’re not allowed to tell me I'm the pretty one around here.”

“Factually incorrect,” Tatie said with a smirk.

“Okay, we’re obviously gonna disagree on this one,” Maria said. “I stand by my findings, though.”

“Alright, then. And I stand by mine.”

Their food came, and they spent a few minutes in silence as they ate.

Tatie spoke first. “Hey, I’m curious—what about your parents? I told you about mine, what’re yours like?”

Maria let out a quiet hiss between her teeth. “My parents are… interesting people. To say the least.”

Tatie’s eyebrows shot up. “Ooo, I’m sensing a story behind that. Wanna share, or does that require a little more time getting to know each other first?”

“Nah, I’ll share with you now. It’s good to get it out of the way,” Maria said. “It’s a fun one, though, so we’ll be needing refills on our drinks.”

Tatie’s smirk became a grin. “Now I’m really interested.”

“You’ll enjoy this.

“My parents are a couple of typical New Jersey folks, born and raised. Mom’s name is Theresa, Dad is Richard. Surname of Prince.”

“I thought your last name is Taylor.”

“It is,” Maria nodded. “That’s my legal last name.”

“So, what, was your mother’s maiden name Taylor?”

“Nah, her maiden name is Youngston. I had my name changed when I was 15.”

“Oh…” Tatie’s face wasn’t quite as bright now. “So there was, um… ah, fuck, what’s the English term—bad blood! Bad blood?”

“Yeah, there was a lot of bad blood between us,” Maria sighed. “Because they really fucked up my life from the get-go. You know the whole thing that happened in the 60s about designer babies, the ‘tailor-made’ shit?”

“Yeah, I remember reading about that in school.”

Maria pointed to herself. “Congrats, you’re looking at one of ‘em.”

“What? You were genetically modified?”

Maria let out a little laugh. “Yeah, that’s a—that’s the blunt way to put it.”

“Oh—sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Nah, don’t worry too hard about it, I’ve got better things to be mad at anyway. But yeah, Mommy and Daddy decided that, rather than concieve their first child naturally, they’d rather have me grown in a lab and fuck with my genes so I’d be better than the riff-raff. That’s why I’ve got the hair, the eyes, and the fucking perfect skin. They also gave me all those super boosts to the immune system everybody was raving about.”

“Oh, Jesus, they really went the whole nine yards, huh?”

“Yup. Wanna know why?”

“Do I?”

“They did it to make a statement. To say science is good or some freshman English level BS.”

“Oh my god.” Tatie looked down at her drink, then downed the rest of the glass in one gulp. “Yeah, I see what you mean now. This calls for at least another round.”

“Yeah, especially since that’s only the foundation for all of the stuff that comes up after it,” Maria said. “It gets worse.

“Since I was the tailor-made baby, I was given the expectation of being a good example on every level. I had to be some sort of golden girl because of something they decided for me, which is bullshit upon bullshit.”

“Yeah, holy shit. I’m guessing things didn’t quite go so smoothly on that?”

“That’s being polite. I grew up with it, but by the time I was about 11, I started wising up to what was really going on with things, and, being a precocious pre-teen, I started acting up as well. And my parents got mad. Like, really mad about it.”

“Oh god, this doesn’t end well, does it?”

“No, it does not. Remind me at some point that I need to talk about how my little sister fits into it.

“So, since I was fucking up the perfect image these guys were working so hard to create, they got angry, and I started to suffer the consequences for my actions. Y’know, for all the stuff they would say about being caring, loving parents and never wanting to hurt their kids, they did an awful lot of it. Never anything physical, although Dad came awfully close a couple of times near the end. So I decided I wanted out, and I spent ages 13 through 15 working up a case to bring to court, and I actually managed it.”

“Yikes. That’s pretty scary.”

“Yeah. I moved out, changed my last name, used all my savings to pay for my last two years of high school while I got a job, and I got lucky with finding my landlady, so I had a good place to stay.”

“What about your sister? How did she deal with things?”

“Oh, man, she got the short end of the stick, which is saying a lot. If I was the golden girl who was expected to make the family look progressive or some shit, Thalia was the extra. They managed to get some bonus points with her despite her all-natural conception, since she was born blind, but she turned out to be just as troublesome as me. Worse, even. ‘Cause I only acted out by ruining my image, but she went further and actually went out of her way to piss other people off. For a blind kid, she apparently knows how to pick a fight.”

“Damn. I imagine she never really came out the winner in those.”

“Nope. Multiple bloody noses and awful bruises. And boy howdy, I could feel Dad’s shouting through the floorboards in my room upstairs.”

“Yikes. Richard does not sound like a very nice guy at all.”

“Oh man, what I wouldn’t give for an opportunity to tape his mouth shut and give him the shouting of a lifetime one of these years. I have enough repressed rage to power my house for a month.”

“Man, this makes my life sound positively idyllic,” Tatie said. “The worst I had to deal with was a few mental illness problems caused by my own unrealistic expectations.”

“Well, I can’t judge you for that, unfortunately, ‘cause I know mental illness is a fucking beast that doesn’t really care who you are or how good your life is.”

“Yeah, that much is true. I’ve spent the last five years of my life on medications for anxiety and depression and it’s honestly a bit of a fucking nightmare sometimes.”

“I could probably use something similar, myself,” Maria said. “I haven’t had the spare cash to afford mental treatments.”

“Yeah, from where I sitting, I think you could also benefit from some professional help,” Tatie giggled. “As well as some better living conditions than paycheck to paycheck.”

“Well, I can’t really complain about the pay part. Everybody goes through that phase when they leave the nest. I wouldn’t mind a little extra spare change every so often though, give me the chance to come out here more. That would be nice.”

“Maybe next time we get together I should just invite you to my place. That way we don’t have to worry about picking up a check when we’re finished.”

“I wouldn’t mind that so much. What would we do at your place?”

“Oh, we could do a lot of things. We could watch movies, cook, maybe bake something, get drunk, all the good stuff that girls normally do together, y’know?”

“I like the sound of that. I like the sound of that.”

“Of course, the real question is, would we get anything done for the project in the process? Because, after all, part of this is to get to know you as a groupmate, not just as an unfairly attractive friend.”

“Okay, first of all, sweetie, like I said, the attractive one at this booth is you, not me, and second of all, you make a fair point.” Maria took a big sip of her drink. “I think we could get a lot done for the project if we put our minds to it. The big roadblock would be focusing, and I think given our previous experiences dealing with idiots in group projects, we would be too afraid of dealing with that shit again to let ourselves slide. Especially since we’ve got people like Hannah and Adrien on our asses this time.”

“Very true,” Tatie nodded. “I don’t know much about Adrien, but I can vouch for Hannah’s track record. She’s very strict about keeping projects moving. It gets nasty if you don’t stay on her good side.”

“Ah. Excellent. We’re five for five on people in this group who will tear out the throats of the slackers.”

“Oh, I enjoy being a part of that group. You get to see the fear in their eyes.”

“The best of things. Those fuckers earn it.”

“Damn right they do. I see no reason to show mercy.”

[lalka-laski]

The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Butter for my cinnamon toast midnight snack :) 

Do you like clowns? Uh, that’s a hard nope.

Have you answered all of these questions honestly so far? There have only been two? But yes. I’m always honest here. If I ever encounter a question I don’t feel comfortable answering, I just delete it & move on. 

Are you listening to anything at the moment? Nope, just some white noise from my fan 

Do you twitch when your falling asleep? SO much. It drives Glenn crazy but it drives me even CRAZIER because it makes it impossible for me to fall asleep again. 

Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? Clean at the moment. I think?

Are you at home or with friends more often? I’m out with friends a few times a week but that’s plenty for me. Most of my time is spent at work or home though. 

When is the last time you were on a bicycle? It’s been too long!

What have you eaten today? Just a cup of Earl Grey & now a cup of decaf coffee 

Would you date someone 15 years older than you? Glenn is 12 years older than me & I already think that’s slightly pushing it. Not that our age gap poses too many issues but, ya know. 

Do you own a strapless bra? Mhm. Well actually I stole it from my sister but I “own” it now :P

Does the person you like know it? Considering we are obnoxiously obsessed with each other & say “I love you” 12 times an hour, I’d say he knows.  

Did anything brighten up your day today? Every client I’ve interacted with has been chipper & cheerful, which is rare for this facility. So I’m having a good day so far!

How are you feeling at this exact moment? See above

Are you someone who worries too often? It’s my middle name

If you could date somebody who would it be? I’m quite happy with the man I’ve got :) 

Do you ever wonder how other people see you? I worry too much about that. It’s something I’m doing extensive personal work on, actually... 

What is one good thing you’re known for? My kindness/friendliness 

How about one bad thing? My spaciness & flakiness 

Are you taller than most? Most women, yeah

When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song? Hm, I’m actually not sure

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home? I’m kind of a social homebody so both? Depending on the day. But if I really had to choose between the two I’d probably opt to stay at home.

What time do you normally go to bed? Usually no later than 11 on work nights. 

What is one thing that is currently bothering you? I’d rather not be at work right now but meh, it is what it is. 

What did you do today? It’s only 9:30 am and I’m just at work. This afternoon I’m going to Barnes & Noble with Glenn and then this evening I’m going to my sister’s place & then the bars with our friends. 

What was the last thing that you drank? I’m sipping a decaf coffee right now

Is anything annoying you now? Honestly, not really. How rare!

Has anyone ever said i love you to you and not meant it? If they have, I don’t need to know. 

Do you realize it when you curse? Not always 

When was the last time you showered? I took a bath yesterday so my last actual shower was a couple days ago. 

Who did you last talk to in person? Kristen 

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? Yeah I have a lazy streak to me. Some days I really just gotta do NOTHING. 

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? Yes, because evening time is my only true “down time” and I want to extend it as long as possible. I always regret it the next morning though.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I watched that show from time to time but I can’t say I have a favorite.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? Oh yes

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? Like standstill traffic? Maybe 30 min?

Best field trip experience? Going to the one room schoolhouse was really fun for me. I loved dressing up in a dress & bonnet (both handmade by my grandma). And my mom was adorably extra and packed me a time-period appropriate lunch in a woven basket. It was so cute!

Have you ever been to New York City? Just once

If so, is it all its cracked up to be? No, although I was young and maybe I’d have a deeper appreciation for it as an adult. But overall, that crammed, busy city life isn’t for me. 

What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? We spent $80 (including tip) on fucking Chinese takeout the other day. I have much regret lol. 

What museums have you visited, if any? Lots. Checking out museums are one of my favorite activiites! 

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? I often insisted on taking over group projects because I refused to let my grade rest in the hands of slackers or idiots. 

What’s your worst traveling experience? There was this family trip to Florida that will forever live in infamy... 

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? I never played any of them. I think I tried to get into it at one point but computer games just aren’t my scene. 

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? My current upstairs neighbors apparently have a fucking bowling alley in their apartment. They are THE. WORST. I struggle every day deciding if I should try talking to them or apartment management about the noise level. 

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? Teachers never really gave me a hard time. Oh wait, there was this social studies teacher in 8th grade who was a complete prick. I once corrected him when he said that Africa is a country and he chewed me out in front of the whole class. I’m still angry about it! 

Best muffin you’ve ever had? Wegmans chocolate chip muffins are ridiculous, man! Ridiculous!  Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Nope. That doesn’t interest me in the slightest. 

If so, was it required?

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Probably too much. I’m trying to distance myself from it a bit. 

What area of math are you best at? Worst? All of it. Even very basic addition and subtraction can trip me up. I’ve often wondered if I have the numbers form of dyslexia or something similar. 

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It HYPES me up like nothing else.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? Our current apartment complex gets frequent visits from the local police & fire departments. At least every couple weeks there’s an incident. Usually just a small fire (burnt food, I assume) or something like that. 

Do you believe in luck? Why or why not? Kind of. You can’t tell me there aren’t people who seem to have everything fall in their lap. 

How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? Frequently. If there’s a shortcut, I’m taking it. 

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yeah for sure. 

How reliable is your internet connection? My cell service at work is pretty terrible. My wifi at home gives me little issue, though. 

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Yes

What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Life as a whole.

What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? I was actually good about time management during school. I might be one of the only one of my peers who never pulled an all-nighter. I prioritize my sleep!

If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them?

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? I’m looking into contacts actually because I’m sick of my glasses

How many vegetarians do you know? A few, including myself. 

Have you ever considered going to art school? Nope 

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? Yes but I won’t name names 

How quickly can you write an essay? I excel at essays but my process is a sloooow one. 

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? I’ve never actually slept in class but I have had issues staying alert and engaged. I’m easily fatigued. 

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Yeah but not any big names

If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager? Again, I don’t want to name names

Favorite episode of Spongebob? Pretty patties!! 

Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone? Almost everyone and everything in my life, yeah. 

Are your parents supportive of you? Yes 

How often do you take the train to go places? Only when I’m in Canada. I wish trains were a more common mode of transportation here. 

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? Constantly 

[forbidden-creepypasta]

Xypolex

Day 7 Today the subjects all went in for their PET scans. During the last 3 days we haven't had anything much notable happen. Nobody has missed a dose (real or control) during the last week. I asked Slacker about what he said on Day 4 yesterday, but he shrugged it off, said he wasn't having any memory problems. He seemed kind of annoyed at the question. I did notice something weird - when they're in the waiting room, the control group all stands on one side of the room while the actual subjects sort of stand in the middle, like the people in the control group are trying to stay away from the subjects. They're told not to talk to each other, so I'm not sure what's causing it, and of course they don't know who's in the control and who are getting the meds, so it's super strange that they'd split up like that. Day 9 Dr. Clammy was extremely weird today. Before the subjects came in, I was doing some data entry, and I took a call for him from "his friend" at Radiological Associates, this guy with a thick Indian accent. The guy with the accent sounded really agitated, and after I transferred the call, Clammy was in his office for a long time talking on the phone. I couldn't hear everything, but he said "well run them again" at least five times before finally hanging up. Clammy didn't say anything about the call to me, but he seemed really jumpy the rest of the day. Later, while I was talking to the subjects during the survey, I caught him staring at them. There was a weird look on his face. As I'm typing this up, I realize that it looked like guilt. Day 10 Clammy has cancelled any future PET scan. He also ordered all the original films (I guess) because they arrived in a big envelope today. He took it into his office and locked it in his filing cabinet without opening it. Day 16 We have a TV in the waiting room. Today, there was a "breaking news story" about a missing kid. All six subjects were staring at the screen. I never noticed it before, but I think they always spend more time watching the TV than the others. Maybe I'm imagining it. Watching other people watch TV is always kind of unsettling, the vacant look that they get in their eyes is just...it's like seeing someone fading, like they're going away in some fundamental way. Then, they stop looking at the TV and they snap back to human. But the six subjects - they didn't snap back today, at least not while I was watching. They just kept staring. Then, all at once, they all started to smile. Just a little. I couldn't hear the TV from the other side of the glass, but I realized later that that moment was when they announced that the kid had been found dead. Day 21 The Weasel is gone. Dr. Clammy just says that he quit, won't say any more about it. His desk is completely empty, looks like someone just took everything out of it and threw it away. Weird, The Weasel has been Dr. Clammy's post doc for at least 3 years from what I've heard. I was trying to figure out what happened. The Weasel's emails had all been on his computer, which was gone, and all his papers were gone. Just on a hunch I tried printing out the log from the office fax machine and I saw that a fax came in yesterday from the number for Radiological Associates. It was after hours, and it was 5 pages - the same length as a PET scan report. [end part 2]

Day 22 Jesus. OK, so first things first. As of today, my key card doesn't work at the lab. After running the card a few times with no results, I slid in behind someone else with a working card and went up to the lab. The door was locked, which it's never been before, but I have a physical key for the lock on the door, which did work. The whole place was basically cleaned out overnight as far as I can tell, including my work station, all my personal stuff, etc. Even Dr. Clammy's nameplate on his office door is gone, and his office was completely cleaned out. I wasn't sure what to do. I called down to admin and they told me that the doctor is on sabbatical. Nobody in his department seems to know anything, or much care really, I always knew he was unpopular in the department, but I guess I didn't realize how unpopular. When I asked one of the department chairs specifically about the Xypolex trial, he pulled me into his office and said very firmly that no testing or experimentation regarding that medication had ever been authorized by the university, and that if I wanted to stay enrolled in the PhD program, that I should be careful and "protect myself" from any allegations that I might have been involved in anything unethical or outside university policy. After that, not knowing what else to do I went back home. I realize now that I had kind of burned a bridge with my last lab before I went over to Dr. Clammy. I tried calling my old PI there and she was pretty cold. She told me she didn't have anything for me, and when I asked about other labs, she said she'd let me know if she heard anything, but there was a pretty clear message in her voice that I wouldn't be getting a call back. I'm screwed. If I can't find a new lab, I'm out of the program and looking at repaying all of my student loans with no PhD and its starting to look like, no references.

Day 23 Spent all day looking for a new lab. No luck. I feel like something is following me around, like maybe a department email went out or something. Nobody wants anything to do with me. More bad news: the university reversed payment on my last EFT transfer for my stipend, which means I'm broke, actually worse than broke because I had already spent some of that money so my bank account is actually negative. I need to write a rent check in five days. I called the accounting office but all I got was that they had been told to reverse the transfer by the department, and nobody at the department would talk to me about it. At this point I'm apparently jobless and looking at being homeless. Fuck. Something else - I swear to god I saw Slacker at the supermarket today, which, it's a small town so, no big shock, but the weird part was that when I saw him, he was already staring at me and you know, that thing people do when you look at them when they're looking at you, either they wave or they look away - he didn't do either. He just kept staring.

Day 25 Slacker was standing in front of my apartment today when I left. It was about 11, and I have no idea how long he had been standing there. He was sweating, a lot, but other than that he didn't really look uncomfortable, just confused. It looked like he had a pretty severe sunburn. I was freaked out. He looked at me as soon as he saw me, and started coming over to me. His eyes were fixed on me. He was talking fast. The first thing I heard was "missing, missing must me, I'm missing" or something similar, but the way he was coming at me, just, I just ran, back to my door and slammed it shut. My door has a peep hole, so I could tell he wasn't right outside it, but it faces another door, not down the hall, so I couldn't tell if he was right to one side or the other of the door. I couldn't figure out what to do. There's no way out of my apartment other than through the front door. I didn't know if he was out there or not. He's not a big guy, I figured if it was a fight, I might be OK, but on some deep, animal level I did not want to be anywhere near him if there was anything I could do to avoid it. He seemed damaged, like a partially burned down house or a wrecked car, his eyes were like the windows of an abandoned building that some unknown intruder had taken up residence in. I called the cops but after I explained that he wasn't dangerous and hadn't done anything dangerous, I could hear the dispatcher's voice change. Eventually she just said that they would send a car around "when they had a chance." At least an hour went by. I was sure he was still out there. I kept looking out the peephole. Every time it took me about a minute to just work up the nerve to put my eye against it. About an hour in, when I looked out, he was just there. Still looking like a mess. Still sweating, even more now, he looked heavily sunburnt. He was just staring directly at the peephole. Not blinking. I admit I screamed as I fell back from the door on my ass. Hearing the noise I guess, he started thumping on the door. It was slow, rhythmic. I could hear him talking, but it wasn't really loud or clear enough for me to make out anything. I don't know what would have happened next, but eventually someone else came out of another apartment, and I guess he cleared out, because the pounding stopped and I can't see him out the peep hole anymore. I honestly don't know if he's still out there as I type this.

Day 26 Eventually the cops showed up. Of course he was gone by then. I'm out of money. I've been getting weird, blocked calls on my cel phone all day. It actually started yesterday, but I thought it was a coincidence. I don't want to leave my apartment. I'd call or email someone, but really, I don't have anyone to call or email. My ex made it very clear she's not interested in "being friends" or anything else, and all my other friends were in the program, which seems to have closed its doors to me. At this point I am going straight to voice mail pretty much everywhere I call.

Day 27 Made it out. Dunno how long he's been gone, but Slacker was not there when I made a run for it this morning. I made it to my car with a bag, doesn't much matter about the rest of my stuff, I've got my laptop and some clothes and really the rest of my stuff is mostly furniture I got for free of the sidewalk anyway. Davis has clearly dried up for me. I'm obviously going to be out of my program, and honestly I need to GTFO before Slacker catches up to me. I'm out of cash, but my credit cards are still good. I called home and left my mom a voice mail indicating that I'm coming back to San Diego to crash for a bit. Hopefully she'll be cool with it. Am writing this from a Motel Six in Barstow. I feel good even though I'm leaving my PhD behind, maybe forever. Hopefully I'll be able to regroup when I get home.

Day 28 Mom isn't home. Had to leave. My key doesn't work on my front door. Banged on door for a while. Couldn't see much through the windows but house looks empty, like empty empty - no furniture. The wall I could see had some kind of a stain on it. Not like mom. Texted and called mom. No response. Realized that I haven't actually had a call from her in at least a week. Think I'm hyperventilating. Neighbors called cops. Saw them watching me over the fence. Decided to GTFO instead of waiting to see if I'm trespassing. I look like I haven't shaved or showered in a few days so I guess maybe not the best time to talk to cops. Am sure I saw one of the other test subjects, a girl at the gas station near my house when I was gassing up to come here. Tall. Wouldn't have noticed her but she was just watching me, like dead on me, her eyes following me like her head was on a pivot, so smooth and steady that it was like an optical illusion but she was really just looking at me. Didn't look away when I looked at her. Just kept looking. No reason to pretend she wasn't, I guess. Shooting out emails to socal friends from high school to see if I can find a place to crash. Can't believe HS was 8 years ago. Writing this at starbucks but no $s to buy coffee. Bitch at Starbucks giving me the eye. Think may be hearing sirens again soon haha. More later.

Day 30 Don't know what to do. Hopefully someone finds this. Back in Davis again. Decided to make one more attempt to get someone to listen to me regarding these issues - 4 years in a PhD program have to mean something to someone, right? Campus security apparently has been on the lookout for me, was warned away from the building immediately on arrival. When I got back to my car, car had been towed. Fortunately had my backpack on me. I think I know what those scans showed. I think that. I think. Slacker grabbed me today. It was by the dining commons, I had just found out my car was gone. I was looking to maybe scrounge some food out of the trash. Didn't recognize him - he looked so, I don't know, like the idea of a person more than a person. Like if you took a picture of him, you could sell it as a stock photo with the tag "#college_student". He saw me by the trash and before I could even react his hands were on me. He started talking to me but I couldn't understand what he was saying, there was...like a strong buzzing in the air and I started to feel like I was going to throw up. So hungry and my head hurt anyway. Shook him off though he kept my coat. Barely got away with the laptop. Nothing left but that, a dying battery and and empty wallet. His eyes were so cold. There was no doubt at all in them. Nothing. Just. I remember him saying "wait" when I left, but even as he said that I could tell he didn't care if I did or didn't. He just said the word because that's what he was supposed to say. There was no intention behind it. I think those scans showed nothing. I mean, the part of the mind that handles breathing, being alive, all those thing - sure. But the part that shows inner life, thoughts, emotions, activity beyond just function - I think that was all gone. The crazy thing is that it was done to him, but the one it hurts is me, right? I mean, him, he's fine. He's better. I'm the one who's not fine. They're going to catch me soon. I know that. Maybe I'll be fine too.

Credit to: Kryptography