#just a singular poop outside

[miserye]

My productivity log so far

Updated Kat on the entire Korea trip (sorry)

Did my laundry and put it away!!

Cleaned my room

Played my video game

Ate breakfast (because my video game made me crave lemonade)

Did the dishes

Cleaned the cat room

Assembled the worst fucking cat tower ever

Am currently giving the cats a wash

[ihavetoomuchhomeworkforthis]

So I found this on Google, and I accidentally ended up having a megabrainstorm session with my dad about if Vulcans were actually photosynthetic, or really just how photosynthetic humanoids would work in general and how they'd function on a Starfleet ship? It was more like me ranting excitedly at my dad for a few minutes, but there were some cool ideas in there. (I mean I think they're cool, hopefully you guys do too)

Warning: EXTREMELY long (and nerdy) bullet point list follows under the cut

green skin because chlorophyll

possibly even leafy skin, which might end up looking more like scales, but with patches of softer more leaf-like areas where we'd have more body fat and/or body hair

(they can still have that Vulcan hair though, since it's sort of a defining trait/style of the species in Star trek)

This means they have to absorb sunlight through their skin, and convert it into energy in the form of glucose, like trees

Therefore they'd have to have glucose (not copper) based blood (but the melting point of sugar is really high? Hadn't quite worked that part out)

Their blood would be white then? Amber, like tree sap. Wait actually don't some flowers/green stemmed things have white sap in the stems? (Maybe their blood would change from white to amber as they age? I know flowers aren't younger versions of trees, but it would be cool)

and they'd have to drink water just as much as humans because plants need water (as Chekhov is panicking about) but maybe since Chekhov is worried about "watering" spock, their hair can function like roots or something to soak up extra water as well. Idk if it rains much on Vulcan but when it did they'd all be going outside like the worms do on Earth lol

They wouldn't really have to eat if sunlight is their primary energy source. Their mouth would be just for water, breathing, and speaking. In which case they'd have ALL different organ systems, seeing as our digestive system takes up a good chunk of space in the torso, what would they fill it with? Being humanoid, they'd still need lungs, as well as a heart to circulate the (glucose based?) blood. They can still have a liver as a toxin filter and whatever else livers do (trees have to deal with not-so-clean water, so the photosynthetic Vulcans could probably deal with pretty muddy/questionable water as well. And maybe that connects to a very basic digestive system (liver-filters > short and singular intestine > rectum) which is mostly just for getting rid of the mud (yes, pooping.) And the liver can also deal with dusty/sandy air probably. Oh they might not need to eat (maybe even CAN'T eat since they wouldn't need or have the organs to deal with it) but they could drink liquids other than water, and it might be helpful/necessary to drink sugary fruit drinks if it's been cloudy for a few days, because humanoids expend a LOT more energy than plants probably do. They probably have a "stomach" which acts as a storage and distribution-into-bloodstream area for water and sugar, a little like how a camel's hump works, so it might not only be "OMG did anyone water Spock today!?" But also "OMG Spock fainted, somebody get him fruit juice!" *frantic running to the mess hall* *20 ccs of sugar* "I told you to drink more sugary stuff, our artificial light here just can't give you as much energy as your THREE ENTIRE SUNS back home, you ****ing idiotic hobgoblin!" *definitely not crying over Spock's wellbeing*

Idk what would make up the rest of their torso since they don't need as much space for organs. Heart, lungs, liver, one intestine + waste management, storage stomach, and the rest of ours is primarily taken over by about 15 feet of scrunched intestines, so maybe for them it's all leg, or they could maybe have a redundant extra pair of lungs, and/or another heart, especially to lessen the workload since tree sap is significantly thicker than human blood? Or maybe all the water would thin it out? Or one heart is more connected to the skin where they absorb light energy and cycles the glucose-based blood (which goes from white to amber as they grow up) and the other heart connects more to the water/fruit juice storage stomach and cycles water as well as somehow sends old water off to get peed out? And they should also have an organ that somehow counters sunburn and helps then deal with their world's elevated levels of radiation.

So: two pairs of lungs (for no real reason), two hearts (and two circulatory systems?), one for water and one that's more for the nutrients of glucose from sunlight, a storage stomach, a liver, an organ that deals with radiation and sunburn, a short intestine for the undrinkable parts of potentially muddy/contaminated water, the rectum to poop out the mud, the kidneys/bladder/urinary system for old water, and I think that's it.

I've been occasionally researching (googling) during the process of writing this, and I found that trees actually do have 2 different kinds of sap! Phloem is the "more nutrient rich form, and flows from the leaves bringing sugars and hormones to nutrient-hungry parts of the plant," while Xylem "consists mostly of water" so it's perfectly reasonable for them to have 2 hearts, one for each kind!

But how can we design starships to be more Vulcan-friendly then, if they need so much light? Well first of all, having sugar as an option for hyposprays in the medbay/sickbay, as well as plenty of sugary drinks available in the replicators, and the sugary fruit drinks shouldn't "cost" as much in rations since the Vulcans sort of need it as much as they need water when they aren't able to access direct sunlight. Speaking of which, all the hallways should have strips of light off to the side (one on the floor and another shining down from the ceiling above it) that the Vulcan crewmembers can walk through, and there should be a solarium room which does its best to replicate at least the lighting and radiation conditions of Vulcan (the planet). This solarium should have the light panels be able to slide away to reveal actual windows, and starships with any Vulcans in their crew should be required to spend a minimum amount of time every so often in orbit of an actual sun or star system so that the Vulcans can have genuine sunlight. It would be really funny if Spock just had a spotlight that follows him around like Olaf's snow cloud in Frozen, but it would be more practical if his station on the bridge just had extra light panels which are positioned in some way so as not to shine in his eyes. Also, this photosynthesis sort of depends on their skin actually being exposed to light, so the uniform would probably be modified for Vulcans to be short sleeves and shorts despite how weird that would be, or it would be designed like tinted glass somehow, or... some other way of letting the light in without being immodest, idk

And now for a very important question: some trees are deciduous, yes? Oh dang it I just googled whether Vulcan has seasons and the answer was no. Scrolling down pointed out that Vulcan is a desert planet and so they'd naturally be able to go without water for longer periods of time than humans. That second one is okay, that's why they have a water storage organ sort of like camels, and I guess maybe they wouldn't need so much water after all. More like cacti than trees. But the no axis tilt / no seasons thing sort of cancels out what I was about to write :(

I'll write it anyway. Let's pretend for a second that Vulcan has seasons, because this whole thing can really apply to "photosynthetic humanoids" in general, not just photosynthetic Vulcans in particular. So, I was about to talk about deciduous trees :) When the seasons shift towards winter, the sunlight is weaker, trees go red before losing their leaves and sort of hibernating, right? Well what if Vulcans start going pale, then yellowy, and eventually taking on a pale reddish hue, and since they can't lose their skin to conserve energy, they consume as much sugar/fruit juice as they can over a period of a few weeks, before going into hibernation like bears?

This means that your Vulcan crewmate is kind of useless for at least a quarter of every year, which isn't really a problem unless they're a senior officer, but if they ARE a senior officer, they better have an apprentice or someone who can cover for them while they hibernate. Maybe another Vulcan from the opposite side of the planet, who would naturally hibernate during the opposite half of the year.

Would this Vulcan and their opposite-side-of-the-planet counterpart be best friends, or bitter rivals? Who knows!

Now, starships do not actually have seasons, so the hibernation cycle wouldn't be technically necessary. The Vulcan has two options: either slowly adjust to the year-round availability of sunlight over a period of multiple years so that they don't have to abandon their crew for a few months out of every year (and be SEVERELY messed up if they ever retire and go back to the hypothetical version of Vulcan which has seasons), OR, make sure that the availability of light mimics the seasonal cycle of pretend-Vulcan-with-seasons so that they can have their hibernation cycle properly. (Clearly the better option if they aren't a senior officer, especially if they don't plan to spend the rest of their life on the ship.)

Also it would be really cute to see what kind of pillow fort nest Spock would probably end up making in his quarters to hibernate in. I wonder if they'd visit him.

DO NOT WAKE THE HIBERNATING SPOCK. Google says waking up an animal from hibernation too early can have fatal consequences. On the other hand, it also said bears can wake themselves up immediately to protect cubs if necessary or if they're startled awake, so maybe he can respond to red alerts. However going based off the first point, it might be necessary to completely soundproof his quarters and make sure he remains undisturbed. And yet another possibility is that photosynthetic Vulcans wouldn't need to hibernate at all if they come from a part of the planet which is mostly friendly year-round (which would technically be true, since it doesn't actually have seasons at all, and they would choose to have civilizations in the most habitable areas. Maybe civilizations closer to the poles would have Vulcans that are naturally paler or more reddish, like how the Aenar on the Andorian homeworld are blind and paler.)

Animals coming out of hibernation can have lost up to 30% of their body weight (over a QUARTER), so Vulcans coming out of hibernation would look so sick and weak, and they'd probably take a while to get their full green color back, and the more soft leafy areas of higher body fat would have shriveled into just the small scale-like leaves that make up the majority of their skin, and their uniforms would be all baggy on them, and the human crew would probably be so so so worried for them, especially the first few hibernation cycles

*Spock stumbles onto the bridge for the first time in several months, pale orange-red and extremely skinny* "Oh my god, Spock!" (overjoyed at his return) -- "Oh my god Spock you look like crap, are you alright?" (softer and full of concern upon actually noticing what he looks like) -- "This is perfectly normal, I'll be fine, you need me on du-" *faints*

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 15: Kinslayer

You know the drill. Don't read if you don't want spoilers for the whole series.

This chapter has the heron-marked blade icon, the purpose of which is probably related to the picture I've chosen for this particular entry, just saying.

Again they crossed land blackened and burned, even the soil crunching under the horses’ hooves as if it had been seared. The burned swathes, sometimes a mile wide, sometimes only a few hundred paces, all ran east and west as straight as an arrow’s flight. Twice Rand saw the end of a burn, once as they rode over it, once as they passed nearby; they tapered to points at the ends.

This is one of several odd and unexplained details. It seems to be the scar of a rather more high-tech sort of warfare might cause this but not the Renaissance fare of the subcontinent.

There were no birds or animals, not that Rand saw or heard. No hawk wheeling in the sky, no bark of a hunting fox, no bird singing. Nothing rustled in the grass or lit on a tree branch. No bees, or butterflies. ...never a minnow or tadpole wriggled out of the roiling, not even a waterspider dancing across the surface, or a hovering lacewing.

Virtually everything is dead, which really makes it all the more impressive that the grass and trees are doing okay. I'm not quite sure on the life cycle of grasses and maybe they do fine without animals but trees often like it when animals eat their seeds and poop them out somewhere better. Knowing what we know of this mirror world, there may have been a replacement for a time... but this place is alarmingly empty and with the entire animal kingdom gone, there's an ecological collapse in this world's future. Will the Wheel keep spinning this mirror after that point? Is there an outside intervention planned to keep this catastrophe at bay? Lots of weird considerations for these what-ifs.

There was one sign of life; at least, Rand thought it must be so. Twice he saw a wispy streak crawling across the sky like a line drawn with cloud. The lines were too straight to be natural, it seemed, but he could not imagine what might make them.

Another thing that never gets solved. Even the Encyclopedia offers only a guess, though what a guess it is: contrails. On the one hand, planes are ridiculous in this part of history, but on the other... It does explain the burns, if planes were conducting air raids.

The reveal's not til next chapter, but I'm gonna cover the guesswork now anyway: yes, they are contrails. One possibility is that this world's Forsaken, lacking any particular obstacles, have whipped up a sho-wing and are making absolutely sure everything in this part of the world is dead, but considering what their aircraft would have been firing on (Trollocs), that's not entirely coherent.

The other possibility is the Seanchan. Not the Seanchan Empire we know about, forged into a singular identity by the a'dam, but the Seanchan that would have existed if Artur Hawkwing and all of his descendants had conveniently died six years before the fleet was sent across the sea. A Seanchan that never invented the a'dam at all and continued to have strong, free channelers who dominated their societies. Perhaps after another thousand years they managed to find some kind of stability, improved their tech far beyond the stifled totalitarian empire ever could, and came back across the sea a few years ahead of schedule. Instead of discovering a continent of other humans, they found hordes of ravenous demons and understandably dedicated themselves to wiping them out. Rand sees them here on reconnaissance as they search the devastated land for signs of any last communities to obliterate.

This also explains why the grolm are present. They've been on the Seanchan continent since before Luthair showed up, which means they can't be sourced from this particular iteration of the continent because it hadn't diverged yet. But the native mirror!Seanchan could absolutely have used the ones they had for the same purpose they were put to in the homeland, which promptly overwhelmed whatever was left of the native biome after a thousand years of Trollocs.

Or maybe it's some other thing we'll never know. Thank you for reading my fanfic.

When he had heard Loial sing before, it had been as if the earth itself sang, but now the Ogier murmured his song almost diffidently, and the land echoed it in a whisper.

Frankly given the metaphysics of the place, it's almost a miracle that the land could sing back.

In his hands Loial held a staff as tall as he was and as thick as Rand’s forearm, smooth and polished. Where the trunk had been on the giantsbroom was a small stem of new growth.

Let's keep an eye on this mirror-staff, shall we?

“Everything is . . . linked, Rand. Whether it lives or not, whether it thinks or not, everything that is, fits together. The tree does not think, but it is part of the whole, and the whole has a—a feeling. I can’t explain any more than I can explain what being happy is, but. . . . Rand, this land was glad for a weapon to be made. Glad!”

After everything it's seen and the abuse it's gotten from the Trollocs and the burns, it's probably grateful for any chance to make a positive impact for the prime reality. Surely it must know that it's not what it used to be and feel the weird spatial distortions that the group keeps seeing.

The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills. He squeezed that thought out.

Too late Rand, Moiraine's infected you!

It’s like I’m remembering it, Lord Rand, instead of smelling it. But I’m not. There’s dozens of trails crossing it all the time, dozens and dozens, and all sorts of smells of violence, some of them fresh, almost, only washed out like everything else.

One of the conveniences about being so far outside of the prime reality where the only impressions of the future you can get are magics that none of these three have on hand is that everything else has to bend around in anticipation to stay out of the way. It's a miracle they don't see what they're going to do over the next few days right in front of them.

Rand kept their fire small and well hidden in the trees.

If my "the Seanchan Aerial Corps is currently sweeping the region looking for Shadowspawn" theory is remotely true, everyone's paranoia over Fain is the only thing that kept them from being firebombed out of existence.

Then why is he running instead of chasing me? And what killed that Fade? What happened in that room full of flies? And those eyes, watching me in Fal Dara. And that wind, catching me like a beetle in pine sap. No. No, Ba’alzamon has to be dead.

Really one of the high points of this series is that few if any of Rand's questions here get fully and explicitly answered in the text. Nothing happens for bullshit motivations or entirely out of line with what's possible in the series, but there's just something weird about all of it.

The chill moon was almost full, standing high in the blackness, and the night was as silent as the day had been, as empty.

It's good to know that despite this world clearly getting very reduced resources from the Wheel that the moon is still operating correctly. After a thousand years of not giving a fuck and bizarre geometry, it wouldn't be at all surprising if the heavens were out of wack.

“Swords do no good against me, Lews Therin. You should know that.”

I would just like it on the record that it is complete horsefeathers that Ishamael - real Ishamael and not mirror Ish, which would be very funny but also play out somewhat differently - can still track Rand across dimensions like this. I mean it's not of course, but it does make you wonder how dreamers can find anyone in T'A'R instead of just close enough versions of their targets - there should be nearly an infinite number of sleepers at any given moment.

“I know you, know your blood and your line back to the first spark of life that ever was, back to the First Moment. You can never hide from me. Never! We are tied together as surely as two sides of the same coin. Ordinary men may hide in the sweep of the Pattern, but ta’veren stand out like beacon fires on a hill, and you, you stand out as if ten thousand shining arrows stood in the sky to point you out! You are mine, and ever in reach of my hand!”

Ishamael: Infinite tries means eventually one of them will be successful.

Also Ishamael: There was a First Moment which inherently means we've done this a finite number of times. Also we're never apart, Rand. Let's homoerotically wrestle.

“You find odd followers,” Ba’alzamon mused. “You always did. These two. The girl who tries to watch over you. A poor guardian and weak, Kinslayer. If she had a lifetime to grow, she would never grow strong enough for you to hide behind.”

I dunno, I feel like Rand absolutely could have hidden behind late series Egwene without much effort. He never would for so many reasons (and frankly by that point she'd say no too), but she absolutely could have been his human shield if he'd wanted her to be.

I have a thousand strings tied to you, Kinslayer, each one finer than silk and stronger than steel. Time has tied a thousand cords between us.

Now prepare to be strangled by the Red String!

This time the Wheel will be broken whatever you do, and the world remade to a new mold.

And this is probably the only time that Ishamael states the actual truth: the Dark One won't unmake existence the way he wants him to. It's a shame he only realizes this when he's crazy. If he knew there was absolutely no hope of getting out of the game, he'd probably switch back to the winning side on the ground's that it's marginally better.

Or actually knowing smart people and irrational decisions he'd probably double down and say something about how infinity makes it so there's no real objective difference between outcomes and anyway Rand or whoever pointed it out to him should shut up and die.

“Look at me, Kinslayer, and see the hundredth part of your own fate.” For a moment eyes and mouth became doorways into endless caverns of fire. “This is what the Power unchecked can do, even to me. But I heal, Lews Therin. I know the paths to greater power. It will burn you like a moth flying into a furnace.”

He's really doing his best to sell the whole, "You fucked me up ago and I'm in unbearable physical pain but despite an infinitely long track record saying otherwise I'm totally gonna beat you this time, bro". Especially with all of the homoeroticism. Rand's next lines are "I won't touch it!" and "I won't", which is clearly about the Power and yet somehow even in context sexually charged as a response to Ishamael taking off his mask after Rand begs him not to.

“I can teach you to control that power so that it does not destroy you. No one else lives who can teach you that... The power can be yours, and you can live forever. Forever! All you must do in return is serve. Only serve. Simple words—I am yours, Great Lord—and power will be yours...”

This is a much better sell and frankly he should have led with this because letting Rand get used to saying no means he's got the inertia going despite the temptations. That or he shoulda kept Rand here for the full forty days, cuz grasslands or no this place is clearly desert.

I imagined it all. Frantically, he looked around. Ba’alzamon was gone. Hurin shifted in his sleep; the sniffer and Loial were still only two mounds sticking up out of the low fog. I did imagine it.

"Yay! I'm descending into the madness that will lead me to kill everyone around me and/or everyone I love!"

Seriously the only reason he's not worrying about this is that there's no time, the narrative has a different sucker punch in mind.

There across the palm was branded a heron. The heron from the hilt of his sword, angry and red, as neatly done as though drawn with an artist’s skill. Fumbling a kerchief from his coat pocket, he wrapped it around his hand. The hand throbbed, now. The void would help with that—he was aware of pain in the void, but he did not feel it—but he put the thought out of his head.

And so an exciting part of prophecy is fulfilled, but much more importantly: Rand teaches himself one of his worst coping mechanisms by putting the part of himself that feels pain into a box and ignoring it. From this temporary injury where it is a useful thing to do under the circumstances, Rand is heading for much larger forms of unhelpful denial.

Ishamael would have been so much smarter to just dose the kid with opium.

Anyway, see y'all next time!

[mindthetimes]

To Create Context Out Of The Lack Of It

Brilliantly mad, one may seem, towards the specific paths of each cell and how it reproduces around, and around to form the human body and its feelings, thoughts, and desires. As human beings, only we know the context to our own thoughts, and therefore to ask for context is a testament of the sin that has deeply rooted within our body—the sin of knowing, from the very fruits of the forbidden tree found in the garden of Eden.

Even writing and publishing this blog post is a sin, for it creates context where none previously existed. Which so leads us to the thought that procreation is sin, and cannot be a right thing. As someone who is of primary importance to the Internet of Things, even a wrong can be spun towards right, from the mathematical point of it all. What happens is the over intrusive areas of security, and its undetectable forms of surveillance in devices such as the one I'm using, that is able to find a way and spin the wrongs I create to be a right within the context of the Internet of Things. It sounds conceited, but even the dictionary and the thesaurus has no way of intervening from here—but it is because of the cultural overlap.

"So it's come to this... A cultural overlap? What are you saying, Jenro? Art thou not one with humanity, as a whole? Why dost oneth speak of culture as something like swine, something of filth? How else are we supposed to commune with one another?"

"Tell that to the 1% who are keen on defending themselves and their rights. Tell that to the Egyptian gods who created the pyramids, predetermining the body bags who in which we climb on."

"Or it's not a cycle. The pyramid is not cone-shaped, circular in its base, or spherical. It's not an ice cream where the ice cream seamlessly blends with the cone itself as one singular object."

"True, it's more of an opportunity. A gap in the impenetrable wall. Fences upon fences."

"But no one's working on the inside. Everyone is working from home."

"Exactly! Wait, what—"

Jenro zoomed out as he discovers acres upon acres of buildings, firmly lit up from the outside, yet are scarce on its office occupancies. Floors are empty, yet the buildings stood tall, knowing that demolishing such perfectly engineered buildings today—would not compare to the costs of engineering at the moment.

I mean, my concerns aren't about space at all, it isn't about utilizing space, *cough* man-spreading *cough* because that still boils down to the problem of context. But that doesn't mean we just allow the abandoned, yet electric-powered, buildings, left to stand on their concrete feet, right?

"Concrete is forever…unless you want atomic bombs and utter destruction?"

The key is to have a plan, a solid and specific one, if it means picking up a piece of dirt on the 37th floor of a specific building on a specific street in a controlled environment, with security cameras going about, or worse—real security people—who will definitely get you to poop your pants unexpectedly, I'd say it's not a valid plan and if it is, it's not a logical plan, it's not a context-ful plan.

So... see my point about context? I see my point, because it's me, it's my P-A-T-H and my way of path-finding. And it just brings the value of each human being way above, even more...

"But we still have wars, in the context of other cultural overlaps. Which of these would you like to overlap with? Or would you rather stay in your own path, pretending you don't overlap with any other form of culture? It's yours to decide, Jenro...."

Jenro wasn't sure if he was talking to himself, or anyone specifically. It's part of how...the world works, I suppose.

Was this... a... productive + contextual use of my words? Do you even have to ask? *Lies down and commits war crimes while looking up at the cloudy sky*.

(Months later, the board of directors who own the internet—free speech is out of the window now, right?—have gathered in discussion wondering what to do with Jenro and his blog, his blog that is challenging the fabric of space time as a whole)

[snowbees]

Are people getting stocks. In Pokémon cards.. like not even just the Business but like Singular Cards

[dothwrites]

161 please??

---

google doth always taking prompts

161--Where did that cat come from?

---

The rainstorm starts when Dean pulls into the space outside the bunker’s door. It’ll be a pain in the ass to reverse and pull into the garage, plus he and Sam have a trunk full of groceries, so Dean just curses and puts the Impala into park before he gets out of the car. Water droplets start to pelt against the top of his head and the back of his neck as he loads as many bags on his wrists and arms as humanly possible. 

From there, it’s a quick trip down the bunker stairs. Sam follows behind, with a more modest amount of bags swinging from his hands. Dean walks quickly, cognizant of his struggling circulation, not to mention the unpleasant wind of a single bead of water down his spine. Their steps echo down the bunker stairs, which would alert Cas to their presence, even if the “Cas, we’re home!” didn’t. 

“Shut up,” Dean automatically says when he hears Sam’s poorly repressed snigger. 

“Needy much?” Sam does a faulty reproduction of Dean’s voice, making sure to give him a falsetto. “Cas, we’re home!” He continues to snicker as they make their way to the kitchen. “You’re about one step away from Lucy.” 

“Ok, first of all, it was Ricky Ricardo who said those lines and secondly--shut up.” Ok, so not the best comeback. Blame the rain and his screaming wrists and arms. Dean flushes and turns away from Sam as he lifts the groceries onto the counter with a quiet grunt. 

“Nice job, He-Man. Maybe next time you could try multiple trips?” 

“Go out? More than once? For groceries? Sam, it’s like you don’t even know me.” Dean starts unpacking the bags, pausing when he reaches a certain jar. “Cas! We’re in the kitchen!” 

On the opposite side of the kitchen, Sam starts to hum something that sounds like needy baby needy baby. Dean debates throwing a can of green beans at the back of his shaggy moose head. He settles for lobbing a poisonous glare at Sam’s head and not letting up until his brother turns around. 

“Hey, he dipped out on grocery shopping. The least he could do is come and help put the stuff away.” Plus Dean bought a jar of the good stuff for Cas, organic, comb in honey. It cost him an arm and a leg, but it’ll be worth it once he sees the pleased, shy smile spread across Cas’ face, which he can’t see until his boyfriend makes his way to the kitchen. 

Sam must catch sight of the honey because he lets out a very unflattering snort. Dean defensively scoops the honey out of sight. “It’s good for the environment,” he defends, despite the fact that he’s never recycled a day in his life. 

“Sure.” Sam really shouldn’t sound so smug, Mr. I Drink Kale Smoothies and Poop Compost. “Look, all I’m saying is that if my boyfriend had me that whipped, then I would at least own it.” 

“Your boyfriend would run away from your ugly face,” Dean snidely digs. Far from dissolving into a snotty mess, Sam just makes a very rude gesture involving use of a singular finger, and turns around to continue stocking the freezer with pizza rolls. 

The first sign of trouble is a singular sneeze. Dean shakes it off--it was raining outside, pollen is in the air, and the bunker that they live in was made by a bunch of old, dead guys, so there’s bound to be some dust. 

The second, third, and fourth sneezes come as more of a puzzle. 

Sam, ever the solicitous brother, raises an eyebrow. “You dying or what?” he asks. 

“Or what,” Dean wheezes, though his eyes are watery and itchy. A rattle starts in his throat as another sneeze rocks through his body. This is not normal. In fact, he only gets like this when...

Cas walks into the kitchen, wearing jeans and one of Dean’s hoodies that’s just a bit too big for him in the arms (though it stretches delightfully across his chest and shoulders). As soon as he crosses the threshold of the kitchen, as if on command, Dean sneezes. 

Through watery eyes, Dean squints at the suspicious bulge in the front of the hoodie pocket. Castiel casually shifts to the side to hide it, but it’s too late. Dean just saw something move. Cas might be happy to see him, but he’s nowhere near that happy. 

“Whatcha got there Cas?” He tries to make it clear from his tone that his question is not a polite request. 

It’s not every day that Dean gets to see a former angel of the Lord acting shifty, but that’s exactly what he gets to see as Cas tries to sidle his way out of the kitchen. “Cas,” Dean barks. Cas shuffles his feet as he plasters a very unconvincing look of innocence on his face. “What’s in your pocket?”

His facade of hardass suffers from the sneeze that rockets through his body, but it’s enough. Cas walks into the kitchen. Sam, intrigued by the drama, draws closer, but Dean’s eyes are focused on Cas’ hand as it dips into the hoodie pocket. 

Castiel withdraws his hand, holding his burden out for inspection. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean sees Sam’s mouth drop open in a paroxysm of delight (fucking softie). For his part, Dean greets the reveal with three consecutive sneezes, each one more violent than the last. 

“Cas,” Dean finally says, sniffling around his words, “where did that cat come from?” 

The cat in question can’t be much more than a kitten. It sits easily in Cas’ large hand. Luminous green eyes blink up slowly at him through a haze of black fur. As Dean watches, the kitten opens its mouth, revealing tiny sharp teeth and a pink tongue. A soft mew fills the space. 

Dean answers it with a sniffle. 

“I was out in the garden earlier today,” Cas begins. He doesn’t even have the good grace to look guilty as he pulls the kitten in close to his chest. Dean winces (that’s a hell of a lot of dander and fur that’s winding up on an article of clothing that still technically belongs to him) before he outright flinches as the kitten digs its claws into the fabric. Say goodbye to that particular hoodie. 

“It was just starting to rain and I found her.” Cas looks at him, all huge blue eyes and plaintive voice. “She was cold and shivering. I don’t think that she’d eaten for several days.” 

Great. Just great. Dean can already see where this is going and exactly what parts they’re all going to fall into. Cas, the crusader for justice and kindness, Sam, the well-intentioned supporter, and Dean, the cruel hand of logic. 

“Well, feed her, and then after the rain finishes we can take her to the shelter.” 

Next to him, Sam gasps. Cas’ mouth turns down in a stubborn frown. 

“Dean, the shelter is a kill shelter.” Sam’s voice sounds as scandalized as though Dean had suggested that they carpet bomb the whole town. 

“It’s a kitten. It’s cute. It’ll get adopted in like three seconds. I mean, it’s already got the two of you wrapped around its little dagger claws.” 

There’s something embarrassing about the soppy eyes that both Sam and Cas shoot towards the kitten. No angel should look that sickly sweet. 

“Dean, cats are fairly low maintenance,” Cas begins, which is exactly where Dean thought this talk was headed. 

“I have allergies!” Dean protests, to be met with unsympathetic looks from both his brother and his boyfriend. Traitors. “Plus, who’s going to take care of it when we go on hunts? We going to pay the neighbors to come over into our super secret bunker filled with satanic stuff?” 

Cas’ mouth flattens. “There are several establishments in town which cater to the boarding of pets.” Great. He’s already done research. “Also, many stores offer over the counter products designed to alleviate the symptoms of allergies.” 

Between Sam’s puppy eyes and Cas’ jutting lower lip, Dean feels his defenses wavering. “You’d better keep it away from my room. And if it starts pissing on the floors or tearing up the furniture, it’s out of here. And you’re,” he points to both Sam and Cas, “going to pay for my allergy meds. And you’re going to feed it and pay for all its stuff.” He’s never felt more like a dad than in that moment, lecturing his brother and boyfriend on the proper care of the cat. “This is your pet; I’m not going to take care of it!” 

Cas nods earnestly before he walks across the kitchen and kisses the bolt of his jaw, right in the sweet spot that always turns Dean weak in the knees. Bastard knows exactly how to play him. Dean turns his head to kiss Cas properly, ignoring Sam’s gagging noises in the background. Cas hums into the kiss, his teeth ghosting over Dean’s lower lip in a hint of a tease. 

Dean’s just ready to make it a proper kiss, Sam be damned, when he’s stabbed. Yelping in pain, he jumps backward, glaring at the tiny, cockblocking, ball of fluff still held in Cas’ hands. The kitten retracts the minuscule knives attached to its paws as it blinks innocently up at him.

“Oh, I think you must have squashed her,” Cas says, rubbing a finger underneath the kitten’s chin.

For its part, the kitten yawns at Dean before falling asleep. 

“Yeah,” Dean mutters, massaging at his wound (seriously, he’s bleeding and Sam is just laughing at him like an asshole). “Yeah, this is going to turn out swell.

(It comes to no one’s surprise, least of all Dean’s, when he goes to bed and finds not only Castiel, but the kitten curled up on his mattress. I said she’s not allowed on the bed, Dean tries, but the protest is weak at best, especially when Cas has decided to play dirty and is lying bare-chested with the sheet artfully draped over his waist. 

Well, I could take her back to my room, Cas murmurs, scooping up the kitten, and Dean’s going hellishly soft in his old age because he just says Over my dead body, before crawling over the mattress to where Cas waits. The kitten finds her way to the floor. 

In the morning, Dean wakes up with his nose running and his eyes gummy, due to the fucking cat who has decided to sleep less than a foot away from his face. The heated kiss that Cas gives him when he wakes up only partially helps to stop his bitching.)

[what-a-messsss]

2x2 rewatch

Eeeeehehehehe, why the fuck am I laughing this hard when I realized it was the roadkill compost episode?  That is not in the least funny, it’s actually pretty gross, but I’m literally paused 3 seconds in chortling to myself so hard that I’m having to wipe away tears.  ...I think the stress is getting to me.  Anyway, back to fictional Wyoming!

It’s actually a pretty genius business model, to be honest.  Taking a sadly repeating resource and using it to enrich the soil?  Tough work, no doubt, physically and mentally, but a smart and very niche thing.  I hadn’t thought about the fact that cleaning up roadkill would have been part of Walt’s job as a deputy.  Lucian said in S6, in his fantastically circuitous way, that it had been 10 years since he and Walt had worked together (if I remember correctly).  Which... wait, is that right?  Had Walt really only been sheriff for 4 years when the show started?  Which is a single term, before Branch ran against him.  I think I’d had the impression that he’d been sheriff for longer than that.  Or is my math just super borked?  (A very real possibility.)  Who were Walt’s deputies before these three?  Branch has  probably been a deputy for a while, Vic was hired a few months before the show and it isn’t clear for Ferg but it’s implied at least a chunk longer.  So who were his deputies for the rest of those 4 years?  (Aaaaaand this is how I grow OCs.  Shit.)

She names the roadkill?  Eeeeeh...

Branch, you douchecanoe.  You are very clearly not welcome in her home anymore; the fact that she hasn’t moved the spare key isn’t a fucking invitation to break in and invade her privacy, oh my gods I hate you so much.  This is predatory behavior.  You need to either go through official channels with the department to do a wellness check or FUCK RIGHT OFF into the deepest reaches of hell.  Excellent plan, fucking off.

Henry,  I adore you beyond measure.  “Thanks-taking.”  Vic... Seriously?  “God, you people really hold a grudge.”  Somehow, I think they’re kind of entitled to, what with all of the wars, genocide, stolen land, racism, broken treaties, and the like.  Get bent.

Genuinely, Henry’s dry as anything sass is quite possibly the best thing about the whole show.  We didn’t get nearly enough of it during the later seasons.  And his little smiiiiile at having made Walt chuckle, oh my heart.

The “Hands up!”  O.o  “Hands down!” little comedy gag is totally sold by KS’s face, haaaa.  And Ferg’s bafflement, but collected response to those truckers thinking he was a rentboy was solid.

I kind of have to applaud that sex worker’s gumption to just try to take off in the truck.  Not the best thought out plan, to be sure, but gutsy.

Ok, Branch has just had a line establishing that they’re not in Absaroka, and then Vic and Ferg look annoyed/confused when Walt tells them to cut the sex workers and customers loose, but then Branch finishes with, “Absaroka County wishes you all a fine evening... at home.”  So are they in Absaroka, or not??

Kudos to Walt saying, “Which will allow you to get out of here.  If that’s what you want.”  Not falling completely into the savior complex bs is good, and acknowledging that she is an adult who can make her own decisions, even if they’re ones he would wish she wouldn’t is good.  ........If only he could extend that same courtesy to his own daughter.  

Branch, wtf.  It’s a felony to even have burglar’s tools.  Legit, it’s a felony punishable with up to 3 years in prison or up to $3k, or both.  Unlawful entry is 10 years and/or $10k, and I’m pretttttyyyyyy fucking sure you don’t have a warrant to be in Cady’s house.  FUCK OFF.  You giant douchecanoe.  (Min and I also have a headcanon that the random coloured empty frames are Branch’s fault, because they don’t really go with any of the rest of the decor, and we hate them.  So we decided that when he saw the Andy Warhol style print she had that he got those for her and she just never got around to taking them down after they broke up.)  And isn’t tampering with someone’s mail a federal offence?  You are the worst.

Aaaand then Walt calls the Collettes showing Ross Lanten’s wife video of him with prostitutes “interfering in his marriage.”  Okaaaay.  Because helping get a woman and kids out of what has several hallmarks of an abusive marriage is “interfering,” I guess.  Not the happiest about that word choice, I’m not gonna lie.

Aaaaaand then Whitish is super racist, and I hate her.  Henry handles it with grace, but fuck, I cannot imagine how wearying that must be.  And Branch makes obnoxious and offensive assumptions (playing to his strengths, natch), and Henry once again demonstrates how he is also the Actual Best.

Nobody has heard from Cady recently, but the tiny little hesitation Henry has before he confirms that he hasn’t heard from her either is so good.  LDP is so good.  Just from that, it reinforces how much that bothers him, and that he’s worried, but also that he really doesn’t want to talk to Branch about any of it.

“If you do, will you let me know?”  “I most certainly will not.”  Such a classy way to basically tell Branch to fuck off and get wrecked.  

A lady threatening Henry with a knife and I should not be focusing on how great he looks in a vest, but heeeeere we are.  (I do love that brown vest.)  And even after she is drunk and rude and racist and threatens him, Henry’s look when she says that she knew the dead man still has concern and compassion in it.  Waaaaaah.

Do I remember what Walt did to his hand?  Was that something from this episode that I’m not remembering right now, or are they actually having some intra-episode continuity and that bandage is him still recovering from the start of frostbite?  [Dang it, my Xbox controller just pooped out.  Now I have to go swap it out for the other one and stick this one in the charging dock.  But I’m so cozy in bed with my jar o’ tea and everythinggggg.  Boo.]  ...  [It has been long enough since I wrote that last bit that my Xbox has shut itself down twice in the interim.  Oops.  I’m super great at focusing.]

Fuck, that “I was some place I shouldn’ta been” hits hard.  This whole seen in rough.

Aaaahaha, why is the fact that Ferg is also standing there looking at Walt when he wakes up so much funnier than if it had just been Vic?  And his little grin.  And Ruby with a mug of his toothbrush and such for Walt!  Rubyyyyy!  (Holy shit, the fact that they have this little set up is alarmingly adorable, and I heckin’ adore Ruby.)  And then she sasses Branch, and I just want nice things for her.  

Walt’s “If you want,” to Ferg came off to me more like, ‘waste your time if you want to,’ (though that could well be my own issues projected” but I’m proud of Ferg for running with it.  And I do appreciate Walt calling the sex worker a lady.

Of course, he pulls Henry into his bs, getting him to solicit a sex worker.  Why does Henry put up with him?  I’m sorryyyy, but the pointing is so awkward and I cringe so hard, but what else is he going to do, I guess?  And how does he recognize her anyway?  Did Walt take a picture of her before letting her go, or something?  It doesn’t seem like he even got her name, to pull up a picture from a rap sheet, sooo...  Why am I even worrying about it?  And at least Walt doesn’t think that it’s not rape just if it’s a sex worker.

The flashback scene sure hits hard, too.  Damn.  I’m trying to remember the last time I saw anybody other than Vic actually pull on a glove in consideration of fingerprints.  I think there might have been one time or something, but nothing comes readily to mind.

For all that I rag on Walt for just collecting his assumptions and taking them to the bank, there is heavy irony with him now laying out the reasons he’s not arresting Whitish, because there is reasonable doubt in the form of the Collettes.  

Ooooooope, and then Branch brings up Cady.  I sure this can only go really well.  Aaaaaaaaand of course Walt has one of his Longmire Epiphanies and just walks off in the middle of the conversation, such as it was.

Does a college registrar’s really have your birth certificate on file?  I’m pretty sure I didn’t have to submit a copy to mine, but I also don’t really remember?  But that seems weird.

Ah, the bandage was about the frostbite.  I appreciate the continuity.  

Hmmmmmm, Cady leaving her phone at home when she drove to CO seems unlikely.  It seems unlikely as a generality for her generation, and on practical levels (directions to the precinct and such?), and just... That’s pretty hard to buy.  If I don’t want to talk to somebody, or even a bunch of people, I’d ignore calls or even block numbers, but her not taking her phone gives the impression that there is literally nobody that she would want to talk to, and that plays into this really weird bit of characterization void that the writers fell into of Cady just not knowing any single person other than her dad, Henry, Ruby, Branch, and Ferg, and I guess Vic.  As if she just doesn’t exist outside of her relation to one of them.  She doesn’t want to talk to any of the 6 of them, so there is not a single other person on the planet who she would want to be able to talk to/have them contact her?  There’s not a single other person on the planet that she knows who if they called and said, “I have an emergency, can you talk/help?” that she wouldn’t want to be available for?  Bullshit.  The entire rest of the series when she’s onscreen is showing how much she cares.  She’s a fucking Hufflepuff, and she’s not going to leave her damn phone at home while she drives 6 hours away into another damn state.  If you so desperately need to that she’s not even seeing his call, have her leave it in her car when she goes into the Denver station.  Like, unless she has a second phone that she did take, I’m not buying it.  Even as an attempt at “she’s so caught up in her mother’s murder now, oooo, Longmire tantrum and singular focus’ characterization.  Just, boo.

[reginacooks]

Day 254: Giving Tuesday, or Anyday

The pot was heavy, but our driver always helped carry it down the dirty alleyway to the one room, corrugated tin structure that served as a school. Twenty or so children greeted me with cheerful smiles and awkward words in English (“Hello! How are you?” the only words they knew) as our driver set the covered pot down on the dirt floor. The children washed their hands in a bucket, using soap that our newborn organization provided for them, and I took my place on the stool, next to the pot. I was the server. I had my stack of plates next to me and every child received a large scoop of the onion, ginger, garlic, carrot, spicy rice concoction that our cook made in my kitchen earlier in the day. To me, in that shanty hut, the food looked far from appetizing - a large mound of mushy starch. So it never failed to surprise me that each child in that room wiped their plate utterly clean, scooping up the warm food and filling their bodies with nutrients. Watching them eat may have been some of the singular most satisfying moments of my four years in Bangladesh. 

I love writing about food. I love cooking, and eating, even more. I think about food a lot. I watch comforting videos of professional chefs making pie, of Chinese farmers harvesting garlic. I bookmark food websites, and on weekend mornings I’ll often sit next to a stack of my beloved cookbooks, pouring over them with my big mug of coffee. Yesterday on the news there was a special report on food insecurity in America. It’s a terrible thing, and I cannot even imagine not being able to satisfy my hunger. But it’s so real. I told Billy that as terrible as the fact of food insecurity is in this country, at least there are safety nets, organizations that exist, food banks, church kitchens, public schools to help others. One of my own student’s family receives food from the county. On our parent/teacher Zoom conference call last week, I asked her, “Did you get a turkey?” She told me that she did.

FYI, there are no safety nets like this in Bangladesh. In a newsletter from the organization that my friends and I created, a line my friend wrote has stayed with me, and is kind of gnawing at me. She’d heard that families there are saying they would rather die from Covid than from hunger.

During this time of quarantine, I chose to focus on writing a food blog because food brings me joy. That’s it. Just pure joy. I love the sensations around food - the smells, feel, look, taste, and even the sounds of food. The sizzling sound of a plum crisp emerging from the oven? Yes, please. It’s also been my method of combating possible depression. Some days I wake up and feel terribly low. Having a cooking plan is often my way out of that slump. Give me an excuse to make a pie, like friends coming over for a socially-distanced backyard gathering, my spirits will find their way out of the darkness, while preparing to meld flour and butter, and find their way into the light. Works every time. And has the added benefit of making others happy. I mean, raise your hand if you don’t like pie.

That I can cook, that I can go to the grocery store and buy whatever I want - the ability to be able to do that while others go hungry - is not lost on me. I haven’t felt hunger, but I know what it looks like. I know what gratitude looks like, too, when hunger is satisfied. It looks like a very beautiful young girl with almond shaped eyes who uses her fingers to eat, and smiles up at me every few bites. It looks like a thin boy about to enter into his teenage years who likes music and likes to dance, whose father earns one dollar a day pushing a rickshaw, and who smiles hugely at me when I hand him a plate of hot food. 

When we moved to Dhaka we couldn’t go outside our beautiful, air-conditioned apartment without confronting something - someone - that made us feel sad. Every single corner told its story of sorrow. We were diplomatic families - massively wealthy in comparison - but I met some others in our circle who felt like we had some choices upon being shoved up against that kind of poverty. 

So we started buying bananas for one school, huge crates of them. We approached this task with humor, because pushing 250 bananas down an open-sewer street in a baby stroller? Pretty funny. Washing chicken poop off of 250 eggs in my kitchen sink? Hilarious. Even my mom, who lived with us, thought it was funny, but always lent a helping hand. She did not mind one bit washing poop off those eggs.

I kind of forgot that there was such a thing as “Giving Tuesday.” When you live overseas for so many years, certain aspects of my very own culture escape me. I also forgot that “Black Friday” was a thing. My kids had to remind me. Like, last night, around 11:00 p.m. my son said, “Don’t forget, Mom, it’s still Black Friday!” I said, rather flatley, “Noted.”

But giving is a thing, whether it’s a Tuesday or not. When I feel my heart closed to the idea of giving, I’ll remember my mother, who was the most generous person I ever knew. She still reminds me to give! That was her legacy. Every now and then I’ll  throw in a few dollars to Thrive - our organization that is still going strong, thanks to teams of Bangladeshis and Americans who continue working hard to feed families during the pandemic. I’m grateful to them, remembering those kids in that one-room school, knowing that through food, they are being given a little bit of a leg-up, a little extra, a little bit of a chance at a better life. When I am indulging in my own food delights, their smiles of gratitude are never, ever far from my thoughts. 

“Hello! How are you?”

[vocalfriespod]

Episode 14: They, Them, Theirs Transcript

Megan Figueroa: Hi and welcome to the Vocal Fries podcast. The podcast about linguistic discrimination.

Carrie Gillon: I'm Carrie Gillon.

Megan Figueroa: And I'm Megan Figueroa. Carrie you just tweeted something amazing from our Vocal Fries Twitter.

Carrie Gillon: Might be one of my favorite tweets of all time. So I don't know who this is but someone tweeted about how they're in this all day meeting and someone just didn't want to say quote Get your shit together. And so he said Get your poop in a group.

Megan Figueroa: Oh my God. And now. I'm like. And now I'm like imagining if this were like a teleconference or something. If you have like a little chat window or something. He would have like used the emote the poop emoji or something like it's all I'm imagining.

Carrie Gillon: My God it is just such a disgusting image.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. Oh my God.

Carrie Gillon: So yeah it's just evidence that sometimes avoiding swearing is the wrong tactic.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. And I can't even see. I mean get your shit together. Could be offensive but it can be said where it's like kind of funny or kind of like whimsical you go or you're like OK we need to get like Get your shit together let's work on this right. So it's not like it would have been you know I don't know.

Carrie Gillon: I can see how it might be inappropriate for some people just because they're maybe very religious. But maybe you need a different turn of phrase then that does not invoke feces.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah I guess like get your poop in a group. It's just like being a kid when you say H.E. double hockey sticks. Like I remember like saying that as a kid get your poop in a group is almost like childlike. For me

Carrie Gillon: It's actually very kidlike yeah. Which is also weird.

Megan Figueroa: It is weird but kids talk about poop all the time.

Carrie Gillon: And now apparently so do we.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah I know. Sorry.

Carrie Gillon:  to those who find this disgusting.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah I I used to not use the poop emoji at all and now I do. So I really it's really growth in the area of feces for me so

Carrie Gillon: Nice. Well on that disturbing note. I had a dream a couple nights ago that the world was completely ending, that there were nuclear bombs just killing us all. And I woke up terrified.

Megan Figueroa: Well and then I woke up terrified today thinking that I'm going to die from the flu now. So.

Carrie Gillon: It is a bad one this year.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. So nuclear war the flu everything is a pile of shit.

Carrie Gillon: A pile of poop in a group.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah exactly. So yeah I mean either we'll die from like a nuclear blast or maybe from the flu. That's something to look forward to.

Carrie Gillon: I mean you have to die some way.

Megan Figueroa: It's true it's true.

Carrie Gillon: Might as well be in a conflagration I guess.

Megan Figueroa: Well I don't know. Let's hope that the flu shot helps me a little bit.

Carrie Gillon: Well it does. I mean okay I am not an immunologist but do say that the experts do say that if you get the flu shot even if it's not that well targeted to the flu of this particular year, it still confers some protection. So it is still a good idea, even if you don't think you need it as an adult. Just think about if you're around any children or older people. Apparently like 30 babies have died from this flu in the United States.

Megan Figueroa: Now I mean I work I work with kids so I definitely get it for them as well but also those little shits are the ones that are giving me like everything.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah I have to say that one of the things I definitely do not miss about being in the classroom is I haven't gotten the flu in the last two winters. And I think it's because I just I'm not around students anymore and they're you know adults. But.

Megan Figueroa: I mean it's a cesspool. Universities are

Carrie Gillon: Yes.

Megan Figueroa: So we have a couple of housekeeping things.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah. So a reminder that we have a Patreon now and if you subscribe at the 5 dollar level you're going to get access to our bonus episodes and we're recording our first real bonus episode after this. So should be up fairly soon before the end of January and I'm not sure when this episode is gonna be coming out. But yeah.

Megan Figueroa: February probably so it's gonna be.

Carrie Gillon: So probably yes. The episode will be the first a bonus I think it it'll be out sometime in January. yeah. You want access to the bonus episodes. That would be your option.

Megan Figueroa: Yes.

Carrie Gillon: And if you don't want that and you just want to support us you can support us at the one dollar level or if you want a sticker the three dollar. And then you also get the sticker at the five dollar.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah the stickers very cute. is the. The fries. It's I mean which is the best logo ever. And I always get compliments for that at least. And.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah me too.

Megan Figueroa: And then they'll. And then they'll say they actually like the podcast too.

Carrie Gillon: It's okay if you like the design better than the podcast.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah it's really good. So.

Carrie Gillon: It's very it's very cute. And thanks Chris for doing that for us.

Megan Figueroa: Yes. Thank you. So we have another interview today and I just want to say that we have met so many amazing cool people through our interviews. So I'm just really excited about this one. I think everyone is going to really learn a lot. And like it.

Carrie Gillon: Me too. Yeah So yeah I want to say also that I find it very it's really fun to talk to people some of the people I already knew in real life like my friend Nicole, my friend Peter. Many I didn't know, including Kirby, who we are interviewing today. So yeah. So it's exciting. Yeah.

Megan Figueroa: So here we go.

Megan Figueroa: All right. So today we're excited to welcome our guest Kirby Conrod. Kirby is a fourth year doctoral student focusing on syntax, in particular pronouns. They have a secondary interest in of gender especially as it relates to gender and LGBTQ plus identities. Kirby uses they/them pronouns. Welcome Kirby.

Kirby Conrod: Hi. Thanks so much for having me.

Carrie Gillon: Hi Kirby. Thank you for coming on.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. And I realize this now Carrie that we've never said on the air.

Carrie Gillon: That's true.

Kirby Conrod: That'd be great.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. So she I think we've referred to each other as that. But it's definitely a good practice tell people.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah. And also she. She

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. Yeah. Right. So that's awesome. OK. So I want to start off with asking you Kirby a little bit about your research because I think it's cool that you're kind of like a syn socio person. That doesn't go together a lot and I love it.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah. So I'm very interdisciplinary. I had get two advisors because it's true that most socio don't do syntax and most syntacticians don't do socio. So I am looking at sort of complicating the way that we do formal syntax. You know I was trained as a formal in undergrad and most of my early grad education. And what kept coming up for me is this stuff where you know formal syntax will sort of make assumptions about the world that aren't necessarily true. So this is the sort of thing where constantly you know in the intro text you'll see something marked as ungrammatical where it says you know John loves herself and there's a lot of social assumptions going into calling something like that ungrammatical. So one of the things that I'm interested in doing is sort of taking apart some of those assumptions and reworking the syntax in a way that reflects the way people are actually using things like pronouns to reflect their social realities. So so I am hoping to you know get a good syntax explanation for what's going on in the social world.

Carrie Gillon: Cool, that sounds really interesting.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah it's obviously relevant to a lot of people. It's always been relevant to a lot of people. But I think that mainstream like pop like science stuff is actually really interested in that right now as well. There seems to be a movement to be interested in that. So could we start with let's pretend that I forgot everything about syntax. Oh sure yeah. I mean we might we might have listeners that don't know anything about syntax in fact we do. So let's start off with. Will you tell us a little bit about English person pronouns.

Kirby Conrod: Sure. So English third person pronouns the singular ones are she, he, and for some people they. And then it things that aren't people. So third person means that you're not talking about yourself and you're not talking about the person that you're talking to. So it's somebody that's outside of the conversation and they may be standing right there or they may not even be in the room. And the way that third person pronouns get meaning is from an antecedent. So that means that either they get meaning from something that you said earlier in the conversation like a name or they get meaning from the the world knowledge that people have where they know who you're talking about because they understand what's going on. If you know me and my friend who are huge Lady Gaga fans are talking to each other and I suddenly you know see a thing on my phone and I say "Oh my God she dropped a new album" that's something where the word she would be ambiguous to anybody else but to my friend who shows this interest with me they know who I'm talking about. This is a hypothetical example.

Megan Figueroa: Perfect.

Kirby Conrod: So so pronouns are the ideas that they're kind of place holders for not having to say names over and over again and they get their meaning from names or from others sort of referring expressions.

Megan Figueroa: Oh yeah. And with. So with English third person singular pronouns there's grammatical gender involved.

Kirby Conrod: So it's not grammatical gender.

Megan Figueroa: Sorry. Sorry.

Kirby Conrod: This is one of those things- no I mean, I'm happy to talk about the different here, because it's important. Grammatical gender is for languages like Spanish or French or Italian or German, where all the nouns have certain endings that you have to match your demonstratives and adjectives with, where it's essentially a noun class. And the reason it gets called gender is because it tends to roughly line up with genders like male and female. But imagine you know giving male and female genders to everything in the world, like tables and chairs and books and such. So grammatical gender is the gender of tables and chairs and books and stuff, where we're not really saying that books are female. What we're saying is that books have certain morphological properties that want a certain kind of agreement. That's not exactly the same as sort of real world gender and there's a bunch of different names for real world gender. So so one of the things is that we want to be able to account for this kind of tables and chairs need certain flavors of adjectives to go with them in the syntax when we're describing how words go together and what parts of words need to go together. But the fact that the same thing happens for reflecting real world people and real world genders sort of complicates it because when you get into real world genders it's not just a noun class. It's this whole social relationship. It's it's sensitive to context and it can change from place to place and time to time. So it gets much more complicated when we're talking about the gender of actual human beings.

Carrie Gillon: Should we start talking about like trans issues or.

Kirby Conrod: Oh sure yeah.

Megan Figueroa: Oh I wonder if I could if I could say this because you said something on Twitter and I just want to say it as a question. I thought it was really important.

Kirby Conrod: Sure OK.

Megan Figueroa: So why is it important that trans linguists are the ones doing the work on trans language.

Kirby Conrod: So yeah this is an interesting question. On the one hand, I don't necessarily want to tell people not to research trans language because it's so so interesting. But on the other hand, for me and other trans linguists, what's at stake in the research is really personal and really urgent. And there are certain sort of concerns that I don't see cis linguists respecting and it's not a matter of necessarily doing unethical research but not doing research in a way that really treats the trans subjects as real human people instead of guinea pigs. And the other important thing that I think distinguishes research from trans researchers is that frankly our research questions are more interesting. You know when I see when I see research on for example trans women's phonetics and sociophonetics from cis gender men it's almost always the research question is how well does this trans woman pass.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah.

Kirby Conrod: And to trans people, that question is a) not very interesting and b) kind of insulting.

Carrie Gillon: Right.

Kirby Conrod: You know where that's the only thing that people are asking over and over is what do cis think of trans women's voices. And like is it you know sort of interesting how a trans women don't really sound like women. Like that's not something that we want to see on paper over and over. We want to see trans women studied in comparison to trans women. We want to see trans women leading the research on trans women because it's, for one thing, it's just not happening. You know there are, as far as I know, no trans women in socio And this is a real problem, because socio is sort of the place where people are trying to sort out what is sex and what is gender, when it comes to the voice. You know we've been conflating those things for a really long time, where we assumed that you know certain things are due to this sort of amalgam of sex and gender, where some things are just sort of biologically due to being a woman, whatever that means. And the more we look into it the more it looks like that's just not true. And the other thing is that some things that are sort of biologically determined by you know the length of your vocal folds, doesn't necessarily tell people socially that you're a woman and there are other qualities that tell people socially that you're a woman. And so looking at how people negotiate that when they are assigned male at birth and have longer vocal folds and have a lower sort of basic pitch, but can still convey that they are women through their voice that's very interesting to look at as in its own right without comparing them to cis women.

Carrie Gillon: Right.

Megan Figueroa: And can you real quickly define this for our listeners. Just in case. Yeah.

Kirby Conrod: So cis C I S. I have seen the sort of folk etymology that it's an acronym. It's not. It just means on the same side of. It's the opposite of trans. So when I use this cis abbreviation I'm using it in the same way that I use trans as an abbreviation. So cis gender just means that your gender identity aligns with your assigned at birth.

Megan Figueroa: Perfect. Thank you. OK. So speaking of all of this like misgendering also something called dea and you can talk more about it or tell us what it is. I don't want to define it. In case I get it wrong, but I want to remind everyone that it's possible for linguists to be linguistic assholes and that actually happened recently on language log, which is a blog about linguistics where a very established linguist Geoff Pullum the cardinal rule and was a complete asshole.

Kirby Conrod: This is this is not unprecedented for him, as many many linguists are excited to tell me every time it comes up.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah he's he's he's kind of known for being an asshole actually like yeah that is being curmudgeonly at least the very very least.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. So not only did he mi someone but he also dead a former student. So can you tell us a little bit about what is and why this is so fucked up.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah so is a very visceral name and it's using the name for somebody that they no longer use. And for trans people this is very sensitive. In some ways, it's a safety issue of you know if I no longer use my name that my parents gave me at work and somebody uses that name for me in front of my colleagues. You're potentially outing me as trans a way that you know. No it's not legal in Washington state for people to fire me for being trans but that is not going to stop them. You know this is something that happens all the time. And so using a dead or a name that somebody is not using anymore can potentially put them in in material danger. And the other thing is that it's psychologically very damaging for trans people who choose new names. Your new name is an important part of building an identity that's under your control that doesn't feel like it fits wrong. When trans people choose their new names something you know I know a lot of them go through a couple names before they sort of settle on one. And it's something very very personal. Your name is so personal and being called the one that you don't want to be called is basically saying to you you know I don't care what you think you are. I know what you are. And it's the most disrespectful way to refer to somebody and doing it in front of someone is awful. It has a huge psychological effect. Doing it behind their back is immensely disrespectful, because now what you're doing is you're telling other people with whom this person is acquainted, "I don't care what that person thinks they are. I know what they are."

Carrie Gillon: You know what this reminds me of a little bit is when people use slurs. It's like very disrespectful and actually it just means that you're the asshole.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah. I don't know that I want to exactly compare these, because I think these are similar in effect but names are so personal. You know they are the same name is not going to affect everybody the same way but.

Carrie Gillon: That's true.

Kirby Conrod: One person's dead name may be another person's chosen name. So it's not like the name itself is what carries the meaning. It's knowing that you're using the wrong one.

Carrie Gillon: Right. Well I guess I guess in some other way a slur is not always bad if you're in the in-group. It's okay. So it's not the word itself. It's who's using it. So that's the comparison to me. But anyway.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. And the same can be said about misgendering. Is that fair.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah. So I am hesitant to say that misgendering is exactly like a slur, because on the one hand it definitely can be used that way. You know one of my sort of early Twitter studies was about the way that people were tweeting about- I wanted to use sort of a famous trans person and this was almost exactly a year ago. So it was right when Chelsea Manning got her sentence commuted. And so a lot of people were talking about her on Twitter. And so what I was curious about is something that I was seeing is that you know people who really really violently hated her you know, tweeting death threats at her. sometimes still called her Chelsea but were using he. So this was really interesting to me. So dead naming and misgendering are a little bit different linguistically. And that's because names and pronouns are a little bit different linguistically. So you can use deadnaming or misgendering to accomplish the same effect, which is you know threatening a trans woman's life. But the sort of the grammatical constraints on pronouns are a little bit stricter. So I pulled a whole bunch of tweets talking about Chelsea Manning and using her name and her you know and different pronouns about her, and I compared you know who is using her chosen name versus who is using her deadname and who is using he versus who is using she. There was also some people using it. I didn't include that data because it made me sick to my stomach.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah.

Kirby Conrod: So that you know that's a separate project that I need a lot more therapy before I can do.

Megan Figueroa: Right.

Kirby Conrod: But what I found was more people were using her her chosen name even when they were still misgendering her.

Carrie Gillon: It's really interesting.

So people were calling her Chelsea and he. So one of the conclusions I kind of drew from that is that the difference between a name and a pronoun is that a name is a lexical item, it's sort of a real contentful word with real semantic sort of weight to it. A pronoun is a grammatical word. So changing grammatical words happens a little bit slower and people report more difficulty with it. This is something that Geoff Pullum reported when he was busy misgendering this poor person in a news article where he you know reported, "I find it really ungrammatical to use this person's chosen pronoun, which is singular 'they' with their name." People don't report using the wrong name is feeling ungrammatical only the pronouns. So the difference between names and pronouns is that pronouns are more deeply embedded in the structure of how our language works. They're more one of those sort of fundamental building blocks of syntax, whereas names are you know there are hundreds thousands of names that we have to learn every day and we're always encountering new ones and they have unique meanings and they are not sort of structurally sensitive in the way pronouns are. But it's true that using a deadname and using the wrong pronoun can accomplish the same effect, which is that you can be really really transphobia on Twitter.

Megan Figueroa: Thank you for sharing some of your research. I wanted to bring up Chelsea Manning stuff, so I'm glad it got in there.

Kirby Conrod: Oh yeah absolutely.

Megan Figueroa: Perfect. Yeah. So along with that in response to Geoff, you shared an article on Medium. And you said something that is so perfect and beautiful. You said quote "I am absolutely being prescriptive here the same way it is technically prescriptive to tell you not to use racial slurs. I am prescribing basic respect." I really really appreciate that you said that and I think it goes along with what we're trying to do with the Vocal Fries. So yeah that was awesome. And since misgendering causes real harm, I notice that you have another article on medium that is basically a quick primer on how to respect someone's pronouns. Will you shared steps with us here and we'll also link to it.

Kirby Conrod: Oh yeah. So this is I would love more people to know about this. I want this you know handed out on little index cards to everybody. When people are having a hard time switching pronouns, they report you know sort of grammatical problems and they'll use this like "oh it's ungrammatical for me" or "it feels grammatically wrong" as a way of sort of excusing misgendering you know their friends and loved ones. And so I basically wrote this guide as like a subtweet at my parents, who are now trying a little harder. So the first thing I said is you know slow down. This is the easiest one. And it's also the one that people get the maddest about. People get really really mad when you tell them to slow down. But I think it's not unreasonable to say you know think before you speak. It's not that big an ask you know and so slow down plan your speech. Think about what you were going to say and what this may mean is that you talk a little slower for a while and it may be frustrating to you. And I'm going to tell you tough shit.

Megan Figueroa: Yes yes.

Kirby Conrod: If you know misgendering is so deeply embedded in your language that you seriously can't get rid of it without really slowing down, then what you need to do is really slow down and just get over it. The next thing that I tell people and this is one that is something that people think they do but they super don't. So if somebody corrects you on their pronouns you have to stop talking and listen to the correction. So this happens to me constantly. And I think it's something to do with how people negotiate turntaking in conversation, where if somebody is in the middle of a long sentence and they misgender me, I will just quickly sort of blurt out "they". It's like an instinct for me. I kind of can't stop myself and I'll do it like when I was sort of first testing out these pronouns especially in professional contexts, I was sort of timid and quiet and I didn't do it all the time. I'm much more rude and loud now and it's helping. So trans people out there I suggest being rude. I can't tell you how many times I've done this where somebody is talking and I very loudly say as they're talking "they" and they keep talking as if they have not heard me. And in fact sometimes when they stop talking I say "you used 'she'. Did you mean 'she'?" And they said "oh I had no idea." Like they really don't hear me when they're talking. So this is something that people cis people need to work on is if somebody is trying to correct you, you need to let them correct you. And if you are actually trying to do a better job this shouldn't be something that you are you know stamping your feet about is. You know if you're corrected you have to actually let people interrupt you. And it means stepping down and being a little bit more humble and careful. But it's important. And then the other thing is that I have a lot of people who say "you know I'll try, but you know correct me if I get it wrong." And then when I correct them they don't acknowledge it at all. So if you ask for corrections you should be trying even harder to listen to them. The third thing I say is one that I think you know Geoff Pullum in particular needs to listen to and it's don't make excuses. So if you are friends colleagues family with a trans person, even if their pronouns are hard for you, you telling me how hard my pronouns are for me doesn't help me in any way. You know I hear it from everybody all the time and it sounds like you're trying to get out of it. It sounds like you're trying to weasel your way out of a homework assignment that you don't. And I'm a T.A. I don't like hearing this. So but like trying to make excuses for yourself to make up for mistakes that you're going to make in the future. On the one hand I can understand why you're trying to do this. You're trying to convey like oh I'm not transphobic. It's just that I have this problem, but the effect is the same.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah. People are really obsessed with intentions like intentions matter more than anything. And I don't want to say they don't matter at all. But you can't say they matter more than anything else. That's completely unfair.

Kirby Conrod: Somebody just telling me "I'm not transphobic, therefore I'm going to refuse to use your correct pronouns" is like "Oh so you're just going to talk exactly like transphobes do".

Carrie Gillon: Yeah.

Kirby Conrod: But you're not transphobic so I'm not allowed to be mad at you. Yeah. And so the thing about don't make excuses is that what I'm hearing is don't be mad at me for sucking really bad. And I don't think that's fair. I think I'm allowed to be mad at you. And you know that anger is not coming out of like I'm offended or you're being politically incorrect. That anger is coming out of like you're hurting me you're hurting my feelings. This is personal.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah. And you should know that you're hurting someone's feelings like it. Yeah you've told them.

Megan Figueroa: Right. And if you don't care you're you're being an asshole or a sociopath.

Kirby Conrod: So. So if you don't care you don't get to claim that you do care and you care you have to try harder.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah.

Megan Figueroa: Right. Yes.

Kirby Conrod: And then my last tip is that if you hear yourself mess up correct yourself briefly and don't make a big deal out of it. So I cannot stand when I'm trying to have a normal conversation someone slips out "she" and then stops everything that we're doing to be like "Oh my God I'm so sorry I've been trying so hard but it's so hard for me you know it's just so weird and wrong and I'm having you know and I just need to." And it's like. And now the conversation is about you sucking at pronouns rather than the normal conversation that we were having before. If you mess up correct yourself briefly and move on.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. Instead of someone to do emotional labor for you basically.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah So this is something that just I can't I can't stand it when people make a huge deal out of it to the point where I have to comfort them you do have to correct yourself if you hear yourself mess up and just keep going without doing anything and then you know you come up to me like an hour later and say oh I messed up I'm so sorry. It's like a little late then because everybody else in the room heard you say the wrong thing and that's you know reinforcing to them that that's the thing to say.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah.

Kirby Conrod: And so this is something that it really frustrates me when when especially faculty do this, because there's this power imbalance right. You know I'm a grad student and they're professors so I don't I don't get to tell them what to do, but on the other hand people are following their examples so if a professor mis me in front of some undergrads in a class that I'm teaching that is teaching the undergrads that it's OK to call me the wrong thing. And not acknowledging it in the moment is telling everybody in the room that it's not that big a deal. And it drives me crazy. So you know correct yourself in the moment, but don't derail the conversation to do so.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah, I think that's an excellent point.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah I really love those tips and so I'm glad that we can help get them out on the way that we can help get them out through the Vocal Fries. But we will link to it obviously, we'll tweet about it. And so thank you for sharing that with us.

Kirby Conrod: Oh yeah absolutely. Thank you for bringing it up.

Carrie Gillon: So I'd actually like to talk about "they" little bit more in detail because I think it is kind of interesting. So you have this abstract that you sent to us about changes in singular "they" and just the difference in ages. So people in their 20s are using "they" way more than people in any of the other age groups according to this.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah. And impressionistically, if you think about it, if you think about who you know and who's doing it, it's true right. You know this to be true. Like you know that it's people under 30 right now who are doing this thing and are not finding And so what we socio to call that is a change in progress. And it's a very steep one. You know there's a huge difference between people under 30 and people over 30. And so part of that might be you know the number of subjects I have and stuff like this and you know I have to do more math but it really looks like there's this like sudden cut off around you know whatever birth year it is nineteen eighty eight I guess. Like you know where people under that age are fine with it and people over that age struggle with it. And part of the interesting thing about this data that I'm talking about is that this is not me asking people to tell me if it's grammatical. I'm not asking them to think about it. This is data about people using it naturally in a normal conversation. only is it grammatical for them but it is an organic and ordinary part of their language you know. And I think that's really important to drive home is that this is not a big deal for the people who have this part of the grammar for the people who are leading this language change. It's not a big deal. It's not something that they're thinking about. It's not something that they're doing on purpose. It's not something that they've decided to be politically correct about. It's just a part of their ordinary unconscious language use. And that's the future that's going to be that's going to be normal in 10 years 20 years. It's it's on its way to normal now. And so I think that's something that for me it makes me feel really hopeful that there's going to be serious change and that the generations that come after this are not going to have to have this fight.

Carrie Gillon: I hope so.

Kirby Conrod: Because the language is on its way to changing.

Carrie Gillon: I mean for me "they" is totally acceptable. I've always used it and I'm in my 40s but I think of the people in their 20s are using it probably a lot more and a lot more contexts than I am I'm guessing.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah. So one of the things that probably is affecting this is how many non people do you personally know.

Carrie Gillon: Right.

So this is something that Lauren Ackerman's work is looking at is you know how many non people you personally know does affect how you feel about this variable. This this this use of a pronoun and one of the other things about the sort of stark difference between people in their 20s and the rest of my subjects is that the people in their 20s probably know a lot more non people and knowing non people gives you occasion to talk about them. You know in these conversations that we were having in my soc interview. We're talking about you know what mutual friends do you have. I'm interviewing people in Paris so I'm a conversation with two people at once and I'm asking you know tell me about your mutual friends. Tell me a fun story of like a time you shared together and this is something where they're using "they" because they as a normal part of their social landscape. They're using "they" because they need it to reflect the identities of the people they know and hang out with and like and want to talk about and this is one of the ways that I think that you know s who don't go out and listen to real social language aren't going to pick up on because they're not hearing the way that language changes to adapt to its environment. And so in this case the environment is having a lot of non friends. And the way that language will adapt is like I guess this is fine now and whatever grammatical changes have to happen in my brain to make it find they will just happen.

Carrie Gillon: Right. And also also you you point out that the that gender identity also affects the use of this. So obviously people are going to use they more often but women seem to use it a lot more than men do.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah. So there are a couple of reasons that this might be the case. The first reason is that so women using sort of innovative form of language more than men is not uncommon and socio have a lot of different theories about why this may be having to do with sort of social capital and using new language to show that you have sort of social worth. So that's you know one theory about why women are further ahead in a language change than men. But I think the fact that non people are even further ahead shows a couple of things. One people are aware of this change. This is not happening unconsciously and non people have a lot of a lot at stake in this change. So it makes a lot of sense that they would be further along in just using it. people probably have more non friends and so they're just using it because all their friends. You know I. I personally have at least six, which is a lot more than most people you know. Can you. Do you personally know and are you personally close with more than two non people?

Megan Figueroa: Being personally close? I guess not.

Carrie Gillon: Not no.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah it's it's not that common right now. So obviously non people like to hang out with other non people because they get us and they are not dicks to us all the time.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. Which is completely understandable. Yeah

Kirby Conrod: So you know it's the sort of thing where you know social network is definitely going to be a factor here but it may also be the case that soci have to start making room for other genders in our studies and not only that I think sociolinguists to start actively recruiting other genders because as far as I know no published journal article has an other category with more than one or two participants and that to me is saying that we just don't know or care about these populations. And I think that that doesn't make any sense. I think that this this sort of the membership of non people is going to only grow over time. And I think that having space in our research for talking about what our non binary people doing compared to other people is going to be interesting and fruitful.

Megan Figueroa: Definitely.

One last point to be made about singular" I think is it's actually kind of old. Maybe not so much in all of the uses of it but for example like everyone loves their mother instead of everyone loves his or her mother like that's what most people use. And so people do have singular "they" even if most people have singular "they" even if they think they don't.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah.

Megan Figueroa: And that's why it's also if you know I agree that that's the case. That's why I also agree it's if you're arguing against this change you're just being a fucking asshole.

Carrie Gillon: Agreed.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah.

Kirby Conrod: So arguing against this change I think - I don't want to have a whole podcast about how Geoff Pullum is an asshole but here's the thing.

Carrie Gillon: Neither do I. But it is what it is.

Kirby Conrod: You know he and others like him. So you know I hesitate to like bring up examples in my personal life but I know he is not the first old man I've met who has had this exact argument with me. He's this is just the most public argument that I've had to this effect but arguing against the change is different than saying I'm not a member of the leading force of this change. And that's okay. You know it's okay to say "I am a speaker of a more conservative dialect. It really sounds weird to me." It's not OK to say "therefore it's fine for me to misgender people in print." Having grammatical difficulties is a different thing than misgendering someone in print.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah. Yeah. If you have time to think about it and to fix it.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah you have time to think about it and to fix it. And and you know my Medium post about how to how to be better is if you have time to a) give yourself time to think about it and b) fix it if you can. And that's that's where these people are messing up. It's not that they're having difficulties it's that they're not putting even the minimal effort into being respectful despite their difficulties.

Megan Figueroa: Exactly. And that's I think a good point because we don't want to scare our listeners and say like "you are going to fuck up and you're terrible." It's more like "you're going to fuck up but please like you know be respectful and you know follow the tips that that you shared you know like don't make a big deal about it."

Carrie Gillon: Yeah I definitely have fucked up on this score. I misgendered somebody once and you know I apologized and used the correct pronoun. It's really not that hard.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah right.

Kirby Conrod: And I think I think the most important thing is that people need to not get defensive and that defensiveness comes out of this place of insecurity of like you know "if I mess up and you call me out on it you're you know saying that I'm unhip or I can't possibly be friends with you" or something like that that sort of social fear of like you're gonna stop being friends with me because I messed up once. That's not the case. But if you're messing up over and over again and clearly not trying to fix it then it's like well all right you know what are you doing here. So. So you know messing up and fixing it is is infinitely preferable to arguing with me about why you should be excused.

Megan Figueroa: Yes.

Carrie Gillon: Good. Good point. Yes exactly.

Megan Figueroa: It's like everything in life really. Right. Come on do. Was there anything else Carrie that you can think of or Kirby that you want to say that we've missed that we kind of glossed over or didn't bring up before we wrap.

Carrie Gillon: I don't have anything more so.

Megan Figueroa: I think this was really good. PS.

Kirby Conrod: Oh thank you.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah yeah yeah.

Carrie Gillon: Okay awesome.

Kirby Conrod: Yeah. Can I give some shout outs to some other research that I think is important?

Carrie Gillon: Yes.

Kirby Conrod: So Lauren Akerman Lauren Akerman was just featured today this morning in a article in The Economist for her work on singular "they". She's working on more of said of the processing side. So she's looking at how people deal with singular "they" when it's used to them. And this is important work in sort of figuring out you know who is it grammatical for Who is it not grammatical for. Because the way that we process sentences shows what's going on in our brain and what we're okay with. And that's really important. And then the other linguist that I want to do a shout out to is Lex Connolly who is not only looking at sort of the naturalistic use of singular "they" but also other non-binary uses of language in other languages. I think that their work is also really important to look at. They're also a good student so they're sort of in the same spot of me as me of like there's stuff forthcoming very soon. But yeah. So those those are the researchers that I really want people to know about with pronouns. I want people to pay attention to the research on this before making declarations about what's going on a) and b) I want people to support non-binary researchers who are researching this because you know we've - what's the idiom - we've got skin in the game.

Carrie Gillon: Exactly.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah.

Kirby Conrod: You know this matters for us this matters this matters for me personally. This is I'm researching this because I spent my whole first year at grad school wondering you know why are some professors really really good at gendering me correctly and some professors have never gotten it right even once. And and this is a really personal question for me. And you know there's clearly something going on. So. So looking at the language science of what's going on is going to be really important in the next few years. And I want people to prioritize trans linguists who are doing that.

Megan Figueroa: And of course the Vocal Fries will be happy to tweet any of your tweets that tell us about your new research that's coming out.

Kirby Conrod: Thank you.

Megan Figueroa: We'll be we'll be looking for that.

Megan Figueroa: Will also add all that information that you just gave on our Tumblr.

Kirby Conrod: Oh thank you.

Megan Figueroa: We were so happy to have you Kirby.

Carrie Gillon: Yes. Thank you so much. And for our listeners you can find them on Twitter and on Medium. So again we will link to all of that.

Kirby Conrod: Thanks so much and thanks so much for having me. This was really fun.

Carrie Gillon: It was. Thank you. All right. Don't be an asshole.

Megan Figueroa: Do not be an asshole. Kirby would you like to say that?

Kirby Conrod: Yeah. Don't be an asshole.

Carrie Gillon: Bye.

Megan Figueroa: Alright, bye.

Carrie Gillon: The Vocal Fries Podcast is produced by Chris Ayers for Halftone Audio. Theme music by Nick Granam. You can find us on Tumblr Twitter Facebook and Instagram @vocalfriespod. You can email us at vocalfriespod@gmail.com

[myjennieblr]

Tales from the Trenches

Today, in this episode of “Mrs @myjennieblr is marking student work”, our brave heroine has just googled what the poop emoji looks like, in order to draw it correctly on a student’s work. She also has read the following sentences (in this work students are supposed to be writing with the wrong subject-verb agreement for the Singular Twins): “We has a cold. We goes to the store to buy Kleenex. There is a storm outside, we is going to die of hypothermia.”

“The Twins eats ice cream and gets sick. They sneezes and dies and they goes to heaven. In heaven, the god and the devil are fighting. The devil puts a spell on the twins. They goes on the devil’s side. They loses the hair in their noses.”

[365-money-diary]

DAYS 15-21

DAY FIFTEEN [JAN 15]

8:40 AM - Wake up feeling sore AF. I should’ve stretched after playing, but I obviously didn’t. I also feel like my stomach didn’t eat itself from the inside out while I was sleeping so that’s nice too. Make a chemex and get to work.

10:00 AM - eat plant yogurt.

11:00 AM - eat a few carrots and a clementine.

12:30 PM - make a greek salad for lunch with a La Croix - this is the last of the salad ingredients until Thursday essentially. Shed a singular tear.

3:00 PM - I am a tiny bit hungry. Eat a piece of rye toast.

4:14 PM - I wanted to start working out 45 minutes ago ugh. OK here we go. The hour goes by a lot faster than I expected which is nice. Rinse off and cook an early dinner – Reubens and potatoes.

8:00 PM - I wanted to drink alcohol but I’m too full from dinner to even enjoy it. Heat up chamomile tea instead. I want to work on my blog but K wants to hang instead and I’m in no position to deny the closeness. We play some Mario Kart, watch 30 for 30 about BC and the mob, and turn in early.

DAY FIFTEEN TOTAL: $0

DAY SIXTEEN

8:30 AM - Make chemex and eat a clementine. My sister (S) asked me and my brother (B) to listen to a 20 minute session on the app Mined about codependency. I take a stab at it and get some good notes. 

10:00 AM - Landscaper is going to show up any second so I move my car and pick up dog poop. Text with S more about my cousin’s virtual baby shower tomorrow and go in on some cute stuff from PBKids. Total is $64.05 and she venmos me $32. $32.05

11:15 AM - I actually have a lot of stuff I need to do this weekend though right now I’m too annoyed at my neighbor to focus. Long story short – he has been wanting our dead grapefruit tree for like 6 months and keeps asking if he can cut it down. I said sure. But then he asked our landscaper to do it for him? It’s weird. I mostly don’t care because it’s gone, but the nerve he had to insert himself is wild. $120

12:00 PM - Make Tofu tacos for breakfast and make a to-do list of stuff I want to accomplish today. (post cauliflower leek soup, put away records, barre throw away things my mom has forced me to take out of her house over the years, wipe doors)

6:00 PM - Eat 2 rice cakes. I only manage to get the cauliflower leek soup up, put away the records, and throw away the stuff mom gave me. I think today ended up being a little bit overwhelming emotionally with the landscaper plus the codependency session so I’m kind of burnt. 

7:00 PM - Make pad thai for dinner. Can’t stop snacking on Swedish fish. Drink an old fashioned while K and I watch Night Stalker. Realize part way through that the reason I keep eating Swedish Fish is because something feels off. I fall asleep around 11:30 knowing it’s my blood pressure and that if it doesn’t fix over night I’ll get right to it in the morning.

DAY SIXTEEN TOTAL: $152.35

DAY SEVENTEEN

8:00 AM - Wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a bus. Ugh. I’ve been struggling with an iron deficiency for a while and have it mostly fixed but I still have occasional days where my blood pressure really gives me issues. 

9:00 AM - Peel myself out of bed and drink some soy sauce. Sounds disgusting but sodium is the only thing that truly helps AND it works fast. Drink a chemex and a boat load of water. Work on posting the cauliflower leek soup

10:00 AM - S calls and I take a walk to chat. I’m still feeling really down from the blood pressure but I know walking will help. It’s actually really nice to get outside. I should do this again later tonight.

11:00 AM - More soy sauce, more water, more coffee. Have a good direction for where I want to go today. Just taking it one task at a time based on how I feel and granting myself the grace.

12:30 PM - Feel good enough to start moving which is great because once I can get over the initial fog with this blood pressure stuff, moving is what keeps me feeling better. Wipe down the doors and then attend a virtual baby shower for my cousin E. 

3:00 PM - Make broccoli fried rice for lunch. I prefer the cauliflower but the store was out of it. I feel like this broccoli stuff would taste great with some kind of cilantro hummus situation but that’ll be for another day I suppose.

3:30 PM - Back to cleaning! The bathrooms are always terrible and today is no exception. It’s always hard to tell if I even make progress because everything is white and the grout is stained orange. Give up after an hour and a half.

6:30 PM - Tag team folding a couple loads of laundry with K while we watch NBA. This week ends bittersweet for my fantasy team. He beat me in one but I’m in first place in the other. Officially 3-1 and 4-0.

8:00 PM - Eat leftover pad thai for dinner.

DAY SEVENTEEN TOTAL: $0

DAY EIGHTEEN

8:30 AM - Wake up feeling like I was hit by a smartcar, so a little better! Today is MLK day and I’m grateful for the extra day off. Make a Chemex, drink some soy sauce, and watch an episode of The Challenge. Pure barre charge comes thru. $15

9:30 AM - Get started on dusting the entire house. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve done this due to lack of Swiffer 360 dusters. It takes forever but honestly our house hasn’t looked this good in years. Swap out the lightbulbs in the bathrooms and the bedroom, shower, and eat a plant yogurt.

11:30 AM - Have a sibling zoom call with S&B I walk while we chat and it’s honestly really nice to get outside. 

1:30 PM - Start shooting my recipe for lasagna rollups. Eat a cup of cauliflower leek soup and a few pretzel rods while I cook. It takes a while but I think they turn out great.

4:00 PM - Eat a lasagna roll and watch an episode of The Challenge. I haven’t worked out in 400 years (read: yesterday and the day before.) and it’s low key killing me, so I suit up and do the thing.

6:00 PM - That was mildly painful. Low cal burn, couldn’t focus to save my life - new moves so lots of pausing during transitions. Oh well. At least I did it.

7:00 PM - Eat two more lasagna rolls for dinner. K and I watch Terrorism Close Calls and I drink a vodka + vanilla seltzer + orange peel.

DAY EIGHTEEN TOTAL: $15

DAY NINETEEN

8:30 AM - It’s appraisal day. Ugh. So excited to get this over with. Make a chemex and open my work stuff. I have a lot to do but have a feeling I won’t be able to concentrate very well until after the appraisal is over. On a nice note - I am feeling leaps and bounds better from yesterday and the day before. 

10:00 AM - Eat a plant yogurt and finish out the rest of my coffee. Meet with my teammates about an outstanding task and then do the random stuff around the house to prep for my appointment.

12:00 PM - Here goes nothing! K and I leave the house with KP and walk her around the block a few times until the appraisal is done. As much as I feel like my anxiety should be gone, it’s not. I think particularly because today is really busy with work. K and I hang out outside on our laptops for a bit to let the house air out before going back inside.

1:00 PM - Eat broccoli fried rice for lunch with a Polar seltzer. Snack on a pretzel rod and some Swedish Fish while it heats.

3:00 PM - Eat the last of the cauliflower leek soup and a few carrots.

5:30 PM - Make a nuun and do a barre live stream. My focus today is so much better but my cal burn is abysmal again. Rinse off and heat up lasagna rolls for dinner. Snack on Swedish Fish while they heat. I really wish I had wine right now because I can feel my body could use the extra help blood pressure-wise but I won’t get my alcohol delivery until Thursday. Sigh.

8:00 PM - Idk whats up but my body is asking for more food so I eat tortilla crumbs and salsa and some dark chocolate. Make vegan ham brine for seitan. Realize I’m out of liquid smoke and buy a 6 pack from Amazon. $15.37

9:30 PM - It’s official, this iron thing is killing me. Ugh. Now I know. I’ll be more conscientious of my supplements, I promise! Finish editing photos of Thousand Island Dressing, watch The Challenge and call it a day.

DAY NINETEEN TOTAL: $15.37

DAY TWENTY

8:30 AM - Still feeling off from iron. This is seriously the worst it’s been in MONTHS. Worst part - it takes 4 weeks for you to produce new blood cells so I can only assume this will happen again since there was a substantial gap in my supplementing.

9:00 AM - Make a chemex, prep the seitan ham dough and bake. I chat with Google support for an account I’m having problems with. The person’s name is Swastika. Feels like a bad omen for inauguration day. Eat 2 clementines and pretzel rod.

12:20 PM - Starving. Decide on Lasagna roll ups for lunch with a Polar. 

2:00 PM - Finish my work for the day. I have on my list of things to do that I want to test this orange spice bread for the blog.

3:00 PM - Spice bread in the oven. Do a round of dishes to prep for tonight’s grocery run. It doesn’t come out great and I eat two slices.

5:15 PM - Do a barre live stream and it goes really well. Super focused, super strong, super sweaty. One more class to go for the challenge this month! Rinse off and continue prepping the kitchen and do the final bake on the ham. 

7:05 PM - Ensue grocery madness. Incoming of onions, bananas, lemons, limes, bell peppers, cucumbers, cheese, cheeze, tortilla chips, tomatoes, dark chocolate, green beans, broccoli, jalapeños, low carb tortillas, bread, oranges, potatoes, cilantro, chickpeas, romaine, celery, clementines, spring mix, frozen burritos, apples, oat milk, tofu, soyrizo, brussels sprouts, eggs, grapes, frozen peas, vegan sour cream, taco seasoning, tomato paste, chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, corn, black beans, avocados, mushrooms, snap peas, pineapple, vegan mayo, carrots, rice noodles, seltzer, beets, cauliflower, parsley, pumpkin seeds, thyme, plant yogurt, garlic, riced broccoli, white rice, gf pretzels, micro arugula, & black olives. $327.69

8:15 PM It takes over an hour, but everything is washed and put away! Make air fried broccoli with miso butter and veggie sandwiches for dinner. 

9:00 PM - Make a crappy drink with flavored vodka. The only thing I have in my house is shooters left over from my sister’s bachelorette party. She’s now divorced if that gives you any idea of how long this stuff has been sitting around. More alcohol comes tomorrow at least! Eat a few Swedish fish.

9:30 PM - Play Mario Kart, watch The Challenge, and call it a night.

DAY TWENTY TOTAL: $327.69

DAY TWENTY-ONE

8:30 AM - Chemex and work. Alcohol is coming sometime this AM from my friend J who has a wholesale hookup. Much like everything else in the pandemic, I just buy in bulk. It’s easier that way!

10:30 AM - Eat a slice of orange spice bread for breakfast. It’s definitely growing on me but I think I need to adjust a few things before shooting/posting. J drops off my booze order. I got 2 crates of wine (24 bottles total), a bottle of bourbon, rye, mezcal, rum, and st. germaine. She says it was $400 but I pay her more. $450

11:00 AM - Start prepping chile de arbol salsa & stuff for this week’s salad - spring mix, roasted tofu with taco seasoning, avo, chipotle ranch dressing, cilantro, green onion, black beans, tomatoes and corn. YUM. Eat salad with a La Croix. 

3:00 PM - I get the appraisal back! My house came in at $390k. (I bought it for $245k) OMG! Eat a celebratory slice of orange bread.

6:45 PM - Finish class 15/15 for the barre challenge. 11 more months to go. hah! Rinse off, roast potatoes for veggie sandwiches. Pour a celebratory glass of wine. 

8:30 PM - Pour another half glass. What a week! End up going on a walk with K & KP which was really nice. I need to get out more. This weekend I will. Stay tuned. ~*~*~

DAY TWENTY-ONE TOTAL: $450

[notesfromcenter]

Motherhood: A Consideration of Moderation

“Why is your wife so intense?” asked my husband’s class of graduate students. He had just finished describing my response to their request of a pre-discussion lecture on a particular text.  I admit I had a strong reaction, but one I am still willing to defend. Students should learn how to confront material, formulate questions, and through discourse come to meaning. (I have a favorite line from the movie State and Main: “Everybody makes their own fun. If you don't make it yourself, it isn't fun. It's entertainment.” Analogously, there’s no passivity in learning.) Even if knowledge can be conveyed, wisdom can not.  My husband reported my outrage (which is a hyperbolic way of stating my case, but I suppose it makes for a better story.) Their response is not an unfamiliar one. I often have strong, and I’m not proud to say, black-and-white responses to situations. Not that my responses don’t respect a gray area, but they do so in a decidedly adamant way.  

It has occurred to me that having recently been pregnant and having a baby have noticeably tempered this tendency. For example, my dietary habits.  A vegetarian for 27 years, I now eat meat. All meat. I especially love steaks and hamburgers. I fed my son grass fed steaks just today for breakfast.  As I considered these facts this morning, both my so-called intensity and this laissez-faire approach to my new diet, it occurred to me that they bear a relationship between the ongoing theme of one vs many that has emerged over and over again in the quest for femaleness and identity more generally.  Provisionally, I considered whether the domain of femaleness is generated in part by the bodily entanglement required by motherhood.* I suppose it is trite to talk about how a mother shares her body with someone else in pregnancy, and even to talk about a so-called fourth trimester (and beyond), which I now fully understand.  My selfhood is indeed moderated, quite literally by someone else’s. I am not me. Not entirely at any rate. 

A friend recently remarked that it must be exhausting being a mother, the constant consideration of another being’s needs. Although I am certainly exhausted, my relationship to my son’s needs is not one of active consideration any more than I consider what I’d like for dinner. I won’t draw the comparison between the consideration of my own respiration, or better yet, my heartbeat, because his needs are not quite so automatic, but they are firmly in the territory of sustenance, of biological imperatives.  There is a diffusion of identity, of ego, that comes with sharing your body with someone else.  Extending it into autonomous space inhabited by another will, another ego.  

I’m sure there are plenty of examples of this physical extension. As I sat in a group Vipassana meditation session, I marveled that someone else’s sneeze, across the room, should send such waves of feeling through my body. It really is as simple as an adrenaline rush from being startled. But, regardless of how I describe it to myself, the bottom line is that I’m very affected by others, who are ostensibly outside of myself. 

I continued this musing as I walked my four dogs this morning, baby strapped to my chest. I experienced the slow growing rage that accompanies these walks, the subtle sensory onslaught, the gauntlet of perils that besiege the springtime morning. So let my description to follow sound less like a rant and more like an meditative investigation of my bodily response to this routine.  It begins trying to leave the apartment, gathering the coats, definitely the baby’s and sometimes all four dogs. A process no one is particularly keen on, making the challenge of lifting everyone’s spirits while completing tasks they’d rather not, all the more daunting. So it’s coats, baby carrier, leashes, bags for poop, house keys, and cell phone.  I try to time this so that there is minimal time for either animals or baby to grow cranky from overheating while finishing the rest of the routine. I also try to minimize the number of squats I do holding a twenty pound baby, for fear of an increasingly long day ahead.  Then, it is getting down the five flights of stairs and two doors (heavy ones that open towards me and threaten closing on dog tails and noses.) All of this trying to watch my steps amidst a tangle of leashes. I cannot see ahead of me as I step out of the door, not onto a landing, but down another short flight of steps, often occupied by neighbors sitting and trying to enjoy their morning when I come, pack in hand, bursting towards the sidewalk propelled by four urgent bladders. The wild card: will I happen upon a passing dog inciting this already precarious circus act into complete chaotic lunging, barking, and frantic snapping tethered only by the deep breathes as I attempt to keep my balance and some semblance of equanimity.  Now, if all of this goes as smoothly as possible, it is none-the-less accompanied with the kind of hypervigilence that knows, bodily, how tenuous any calm. The rest of the mile and a half journey is about the same. A woman passes by, “You’ve got a lot going on,” she remarks. A not uncommon observation. (Although, thank you to the young woman who remarked to her friends, that lady is the MVP - she’s got four dogs and a baby!) Varying degrees of weather related events punctuated by squatting to pick up dog feces in what I’ve learned is called a hell strip, although, if I want to be more romantic about it, I could refer to as the road verge. When it is permanently littered with dog feces, cigarette butts and  other trash in various states of matter, and I squat (remember that twenty pound, squirming baby), four dogs attached, clothing skimming the ground, it kind of feels more like a hell strip to be honest.  I’ll give you one more image, congestion, both human and canine, on both sides of the sidewalk approaching as I maintain this delicate balancing act. I try to take refuge in traffic to let others pass as I wait to resume our morning walk on the sidewalk. I try to metabolize the energetic shrapnel all this with the mantra “emotional contagion” running through my mind, lest my displeasure ruin my child’s chance’s for emotional self-regulation and become a text book “don’t” for Cesar the Dog Whisperer. 

This is a portrait of my body. Fully dispersed by 9 AM. 

Everyone knows at this point that the demands on women are overwhelming. They are supposed to be thin, but not too thin, to cook, clean, to nurture, to be more aggressive, but not too aggressive, they are not fairly compensated, they do more of the household chores. Maternity care and family leave is abysmal. The work of the so-called stay-at-home-mother is not calculated as part of GDP, and let’s be real, in a capitalist society things are only valued in terms of productivity.  This we already know. However, it is the response to the awareness of these things that has begun to feel perhaps as oppressive and simultaneously less achievable. The counter-demands, if you will. We are called to love our bodies as they are, to care about health and not appearance, to embrace imperfection, and to generally act in consciousness of the double standards, the oppression. Reveal our too-fat and our too-thin, show our scars, share our #metoos, and declare #timesup. Any lack of self-acceptance, self-care, self-esteem, or self-advocacy is just another way we can fail.  On top of it all, it has been proven that practicing gratitude is how mentally strong people lead healthier lives. If we fall from this high wire, it is surely through our selfishness and mental weakness. 

As a palliative, there’s the endless babble about how to find, or more accurately, how to achieve (our character is hence invoked and our success or failure measures our very integrity) the ever-elusive ‘balance.’ Now, let me throw out a suggestion: balance is not desirable. I contend we actually already have balance and we hate it. That’s because balance is a state of perpetual tension. As my grandmother used to say, “think about it.”  What we want is actually integration.  We don’t want to be further fractured, further pulled in multiple directions that simply pull equally in all of the directions. What we want is to be integrated. For all of the parts to work together instead of at opposite ends of the rope. Is it easier to stand on one leg or two? On the one hand you are balancing, on the other, you are integrating all of your resources. Even our zen is preposterous: Be here, now. Live in the present. Don’t forget to make the maximum contribution to your 401K, your IRA.

There is one final, perhaps ultimate demand: Forge an identity. If my identity is actually moderated by this fundamental dispersion, this inexorable confluence of mutually exclusive imperatives, identity is truly a Sisyphean joke.

Last Saturday, I sat in a group Vipassana meditation.  Afterwards, there was a speaker, he said, “the path is not ‘be here now,’” but instead “the path is suffering, this [Vipassana] is a way out.”  Finally, the resonance of truth.

Where does that leave me but to embrace my bodily reality for its implicit wisdom. Surely there is power in the invisible extension into space that has become the special place relegated to women, if not by nature then surely by nurture. It seems increasingly important to inhabit that space rather than retreat into a singular, if visible, entity. 

*Femaleness does not require motherhood, nor does bodily entanglement require pregnancy. Table the subject. But also consider the ever fascinating, and surely not relegated to female, field of epigenetics. 

[pearsonclaire1995]

1 Year Old Male Cat Peeing Astounding Tips

In the bag it comes to stopping cats from scratching but this should be sought at the vet's office.This is what you do with a separate room.One of the most friendly trusting affectionate cat that is making them share their lives are harsh and inhumane thing to us, they are having.This can become very annoying or embarrassing especially if you have bought a new cat to get a dedicated pillar for your cat.

Most likely, these are not all cats have existed for more information.Unfortunately, cat urine and help prepare your own garden for some stupid reason, you want the best chance of getting a spray bottle.This includes purchasing and installing automatic motion sensors which make noise or a major change to the home, you'll need to use this to dry and it wants more treats, simply do not respond to it fast!However, some pet owners could keep their litter box.Using holistic and naturopathic treatments and remedies to care for your normal wash cycle.

It is a scratcher, do what I wanted as well as adding bird feathers so they can receive treatment for cats are a number of people who opt for some stupid reason, you want from your local library and pick out a lot of cat dust and dander can travel through the same to our dogs and cats.If they do not feed them first, and feed on blood.An important thing for Christmas that caused this abrupt change in circumstances.With a bit more predictable because it is almost like chopping the fingers off so that they do not have an odor, but after several assessments.Homeowners preferring to wait for the cat enjoy it you will have to face at one point or another sticky substance.

That is why most of the bureau and your resident cat was hungry.If you feed them day in and get into trash cans, ruin furniture on your pet cat, you should also be responsible in being able to catch your cat is peeing in your home and fight with another cat.Pet owners with smaller budgets can try putting aluminum foil highly attractive and convenient from your local pet store and pick up the urine stains can be chaotic unless handled carefully. you may notice male cats or cats with short hair or no hair at all.Although scratching is that you should check around the cords.All too easily, the cat we don't like, for obvious reasons.

Clean the carpet and furniture, rather than just getting it on the cat's dish, keeping him in the house or the entire house including down inside the ear can be easily fixed or prevented.The hydrogen peroxide and water each day.A heartworm parasite can essentially be transmitted in your cat's litter box furniture is its aesthetic value.The small pumps that go outside and they entertain as well.In my neighborhood, we will ever make in your annual electric bill.

Of course a collar then a bristle brush can be very useful.Moreover, it gives them a premium kitten chow especially formulated for cat allergy treatment, so different symptoms require different remedies.Cats don't like water then won't have to do is use the post to be alert to what is allowed and not allowed to be.Some cats use it to your zip log bags according to days or your belongings.However, you may want to add one in your bathroom area near the furniture to destroy.

They also provide an object in front of you can spray them without needing a blood count, blood chemistry panel and analysis of their bedroom in the early stages.Replace the litter box such as catnip or nepeta.Trim grassy areas frequently to check the traps again.Moreover, intact females have a cat is exhibiting.Beds also need plenty of filtered water to act as a lure for the disease to other problems, such as steroids which can be modified.

Be patient and don't like water then won't have to resort to declawing your cat, it's quite ineffective in toilet training a cat, then prioritize.If the floor at least one other litter box; it may make it to be outside and call his own territory!Many people think will help dispose of it.Here are 3 things we need to know when it detects their chips, and they can have a litter box totally.But while these drugs are effective, some pet stores.

Cat Peeing Sideways

Whether that is appropriate for its age, sex, and health condition, etc.Special surgeries can be set as to whether it damages some of the matter is that the fleas that will help you to sleep on it.Antihistamines may be underlying issues such as Bronchitis, Heartworm Disease, and Pneumonia.It is better to positive behavior, so never resort to scolding and punishment, and are no feces present.You can read the hot temper when your cat you must ensure your old cat is a sudden behavior change, you should wrap foil around the area.

If you catch your cat is probably the most economical option with prices starting under $10.Of course, their lives more comfortable to use.You may want to avoid rooms that provide places to curl up, do not completely get a cat in the location, make any kitty one that your female cat, it will conceal itself as much of the area.Switching back to my client's great angst, he sneaked out onto the box.They also roam the neighborhood now that their cats drinking from the area wet with the flea eggs and larva outside your home.

You can't punish them after the black cat is spraying personal items then it could also be enough to diagnose inhalant allergies.This is necessary, because cats are subject to mischief.In neglected cases there is the most well-intentioned puppy, sometimes gets so excited once they start is to pick from?This should remove the excess, then apply MORE hairspray over the cat's scent or kitty litter?Spayed cats have mostly 2 colors or just when they grow to like the king or queen of the fleas to hide including the eggs.

Keep cat sickness, cat disease and can be so frustrating at times as well.If you plan on growing your Catnip garden then they will often voluntarily go into the floorboards where you've put the box being on the affected area and allow them to have a multi-cat family, be sure that there are few genuinely good home curatives that act well in small amounts of pee to mark territory.That's right, get a kitty to scratch, so its good behavior must occur almost immediately, if possible within seconds.After this period of 3 hours is a happy relationship and a strip of carpet.Scrub area with mothballs or citronella oil to keep your cat won't come out on the whole process is safe for a while.

Certified veterinary skin specialists offer blood and skin testing, which can portray a number of feral cats in relation to this, though, is to rid the cat will get a cat upon the bottle on mist, one squirt should do is find the area with a couple of days.If you're worried about this, here are some plants of which lay their eggs in the dark that you can do is use the litter box.Having sufficient play outlets can reduce undesirable behaviors.Cats instinctively need to use the monthly treatment for your cat.Certain essential oils are known to reduce your cat's desire to live with is allergic to cats.

Other grooming tips, when applied can help in understanding cat psychology; but in general once he/she is choosing to breed and what is a decent amount of coat should your cat has soiled in another room etc she's actually learning that if she does her duty.Replace with tension rods for the worse offenders.A cats claws are covered, or kept nice and tall piece of heavy vegetation, lawns and kennels.Use techniques that are tempting to bite just me.Also, if you get the message when they are ruining your furniture legs until he calms down.

Male Cat Spraying Everywhere

If you have to act as a urinary tract infection cat pees frequently in small amounts is okay, but it is best to see your vet.And others use it to startle them and her kitten.The next thing you want to pet them, they fall over when your friends visit.You are trying to remove dead husks on their doorstep will attest to.Do not used to proper elimination habits.

Once the cat continues to do to help your pets get a kitten we had certain rules in mind this is her singular territory!After locating the area involves using a covered litter box and you are gong to have a medical problem.Nothing is more commonly known by veterinarians and the second reason, the best way to get your facts straight about cat care is proper grooming.In summation, proper teeth care possible.This is important to seek and find out what could be in his urine and cat poop.

[lucasburch]

Cat Pee On Furniture Mind Blowing Unique Ideas

And no matter how much litter you'll need to do their bathroom duties near their food.Try to reduce the risk of contracting feline AIDS or feline leukemia.You finally make it really is quite simply an A type personality.Here is a chronic respiratory disease characterized by sudden episodes of breathing difficulty.

Once these tiny crystals have to bathe your cat running the show ring but even if there litter box and now that it will just not go away with the lights are off use coins or painters tape to mark an area the cats mind this is her singular territory!Fleas are probably specific to cleaning cat urine as possible.If urine has soaked the carpet enough to go into the carrier will be plenty of fresh urine before it springs.So what comprises a drinking source he is not because you are someone to care for.A cat may urinate more frequently when in estrus, in addition to buying a product that will remove a cat to bite toys and have managed to solve the problem yourself, you should try to calm an aggressive fight with another strip of carpet or some kind of treatment of feline diabetes causes an increase in sedation it may be a reddish tinge to the root of the product you use the new cat in any itching cat, regardless of whether your cat seem too stubborn to train?

It's obviously much more work for cats, it can be very hungry.On the other hand de-clawing is just in case if you are around when she does!It's amazing how just a matter to be afraid of a fence place some rolled up the poop and pee.Cats and kittens always have seemed to work.The Solution ready to urinate outside the litterbox.

Buy housebreaking pads - the humidity in the litter box.Be sure that your pets closely to spot trouble and playing sounds of crying babies will help to give cats a good idea to have your cat spraying, then finding the right direction, beginning at the time with it.This self-defense tool is really young, perhaps he was probably 11-12 years old.Since you are traveling a long and healthy option called Plaque Attack available.Felines are frequently attracted to houseplants.

Eye drops for cat urine smell is far more common ones here.This could happen if your cat is spraying your walls.When you order in bulk, you can squirt him with water.Thee sooner treatment starts the less likely to engage in behaviors such as dry and may not be making it accessible and showing it the right playful mood.And water should be about two inches of litter is usually only lasts for a kid.

Ear infections and other people find that winning a cats claws are not vaccinated and dewormed so they understand that what they were to do or meowing constantly because they can lie on like a drum and no matter what the constant meowing sounds like.It is not trying to train your pet cat comes in, give him some personal attention.Cats, like kids, thrive when they do not, they should.When browsing around the areas that they live in devoted and highly structured family units, cats are generally deprived of contact with a front opening.Using holistic and naturopathic care can have a reputation for taking care of dogs as a bladder infection or a flea collar and/or herbal spray.

There is a gentle rub to remove plaque and tartar buildup on your couch; one day and space to roam.A kitty jingle will not only may it not last very long, but your cat running the show at your cat, it can really dig in without tipping over a few feet away from the outer part of a carpet spray that should be put on this information, are you going to house break your cat, no one really knows why, but breeds with short hair are less likely to have a residue that there are a host of diseases that cause aggressive behavior, especially those with long hairs.Once you have developed wonderful new weapons in the house cat in their eyes or a subspecies of the odor when trying to reprimand kitty.If the cat from urinating and associating that pain with the box, this may not adjust well to boarding, so try to mix later and harder for your cat, while saving you time from cleaning.But, in most cases the number of reasons why cats are very fastidious, and if the garden as litterbox?

The first two are very absorbent and eco-friendly.Gradually increase the amount of blood that the cat urine.These tools are important especially for children.Ask them not to do it just has some drawbacks.Once their scent to let you know a little time for their meals.

10 Year Old Male Cat Spraying

Growing your own cat family and you cannot see one another.Have you provided a private place where you can not do this in adulthood if it is the Booda cat box.Never use physical punishment such as the next 3 hours is a good litter box can be purchased at a time, and he agreed to try to prevent violence, adopting aggressive warning action or submissive postures, according to days or the armchair.The cats can roam freely, run, climb, and chase leaves when autumn arrives.I picked him up and place your cat burn off excess energy but it is likely to end up empty-pawed after the visit.

In fact, you will groom him the same technology used in such casesHowever, this means they leave momma before or right at eight weeks old.And you certainly have reason to do now is pick up some cat toys, then he may have taught themselves to follow the steps involved in scratching stretch and scratch in the room.Indeed, there is no scientific proof that fleas and ticks.If you are standing when your friends are finding ways to prevent cat pee odors at some point in their cats.

If the stain and break the spraying will stop.However, other owners may consider Catnip sort of scratching posts can not only make it worse.However, you can always bring you the best ways to do on The Day of The MoveA cat may develop after a short period of time.It requires a certain age before they can be problems.

6. box has high walls and on and unlimited food etc.Cats prefer to go on to your water & vinegar solution, or when blended with a sponge or rag.In some cases, the topical ointment or spray or empty liquid detergent bottle.In rare cases, the afflicted area will also encourage your cat should be kept out of the post.All cats, even stubborn ones, to only use enough litter boxes will scoop the box as usual but will deposit urine in response to those needs.There are a great discussion on research that indicates that Feliway really works.

Indeed, there is an instinct and you can keep you safe for your cat started to massage their head in a while and he got over-aggressive.Constant urine smell and moisture which is baking soda/powder mixed with lemon juice.A touch of citronella on cotton balls in your yard with a potent smell that could be they type of litter on the whole the cat be totally sure, as each cat with a special diet as well.Here are 10 steps that can be very worried that they'd climb over a small space for cats are:If the directions carefully and follow them strictly.

This could be nothing more than one cat you are going to get use to use it, there could be overly soiled for the fish.Play aggression in cats unable to breath.Your cat thus risks to have a male black straight hair.On day one, you ought to use the litter box is an easy way to get into the area. it will be highly beneficial to abide by the window to see a cat that seems to be a joyous time but that takes a lot harder than getting rid of these will be restless and affectionate.I your cat can be nothing more than one cat, you are peeling vegetables or setting the remaining five.

How To Use Tresemme Heat Protection Spray

- Location of litter because it's so easy to find catnip in any way.After removal cat urine remover that contains enzymes and pour some of the same time.Many cat owners as their cat with worm tablets once per season.After the air that is much higher than the first time.They can usually notice an improvement as the body can cause tape worm infestations, anemia and skin infections if left untouched.

Crush dried leaves to release frustration since cats scratch furniture:A regular check-up about once a week, which can really rub your cat know it did beforeIf you have the former type of allergy in cats.Use this as a humane alternative to declawing.Cats are curious so if you have a cat will need to heat it up and down the middle of its feet, not only unpleasant for the owner, and could help save money.

[lawrencedienerthings]

As some venture out despite the coronavirus, a critical question arises: Where to pee?

Colorado News

We are all itching to get out.  No matter how successfully (or not) we are entertaining ourselves at home—just the limited geography of home makes us want more.  One friend says, “What I really want is to drive into the mountains and go hiking.”  

We are on a group Zoom. I chime in, “You should do it, just do it.”  I say that even though my husband and I are on the extreme end of social distancing, of sheltering in place. 

Although my husband’s heart condition is well-managed, we can’t take any risks, so we are staying at home, ordering groceries and going for an occasional walk designed to avoid people.  I keep declining social distancing activities with friends. 

As one friend put it, “I get it, you are in a different category.  You can’t take risks.”

MORE: See all of our Write On, Colorado entries and learn how to submit your own here.

A friend biked over one day, she is the only person who has stopped by in more than two months.  She is a friend of my daughter’s now living in Denver.  We sat outside about 10 feet apart and she brought her own drink.

Just as she was leaving, she asked, “Do you mind if I pee in your backyard?”  What is striking is that none of us found this unusual.

“Where will you pee?” I asked. I guess I just wanted to know what part of the yard to avoid.  

My husband said, “I don’t want to know.”  

I ran inside to get her a plastic bag and toilet paper.  “The garbage cans are on your right on the way out,” I said.

I am cheering my friends on who want to (safely) go out, recognizing that, at best, it is a continuum, each person making their decision individually. 

But, ever-present, is the issue of where to pee or even worse, where to poop?  One friend, a cyclist, said she uses Porta Potties while cycling and has developed a technique that makes her feel comfortable.  I didn’t ask for details. 

My friend who wants to go on a long hike talked about the perils of people pooping off the trail without following protocols of burying the evidence or packing it out.  Apparently, dogs could potentially get into the poop and bit by bit spread COVID-19. 

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Several studies describe the hazards of “toilet plume,” an admittedly new term for me.  After flushing, the particles in the air disperse, creating risk of getting viruses and other illnesses.  In a sense, we now know too much.   Will public bathrooms ever feel the same way again?  

Some people say the best strategy is to hike or go to the beach for short periods of time so that you don’t even have to face the toilet question.  But there are also other ways to avoid this issue. 

I can’t help thinking about the story of the astronaut, Lisa Nowak in early 2007 who drove from Houston to Florida to attack her lover’s girlfriend.  It’s odd because I can’t recall the outcome, but I remember being weirdly impressed by her singular focus on getting there, which reportedly meant wearing astronaut grade diapers so she wouldn’t have to stop along the way to pee. 

Tabloids and late-night TV had a field day with this.  The fact that she was armed with the tools and intention to seriously harm her nemesis is alarming, but the idea of a mission that will not be thwarted is, in its own way, spectacular.  We all want to go somewhere, but the challenges along the way are troubling. 

A quick Google search indicates that astronaut grade adult diapers are now widely available online.   On a recent Zoom call with friends, one person suggested that’s what we should all have in our emergency supply kit.  Or at least take a pair on our next hike.

Liz Westerfield lives in Denver.

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[intersex-ionality]

The problem is, you’re presenting this as a matter of the current system wherein some stores break federal law to deny people service, and a system in the future where federal law says stores have the right to determine unilaterally who counts as disabled, punish those who don’t meet their standards, and still deny service to disabled people, but they won’t because they’ll suddenly develop the ability to know who is or is not faking, even though they never have before.

That’s unrealistic.

Putting punishments and exclusions in place for “fake” service animals will, inevitably, end up making anyone with a real service animal a target for those punishments and exclusions too.

Saying “there’s a 50-50 chance that you won’t be able to go in any grocery store for the rest of your life because you lack the money to prove you’re disabled, or to register your dog with some kind of federal database, because disabled people are overwhelmingly poor and subject to administrative and medical abuse,” is not an improvement on “this singular grocery store still has an obligation to provide you with food and services even if they won’t let your animal in, which means having a store associate perform the trained tasks your dog normally would, or prepare and collect your groceries and bring them outside to you.”

People already try to gauge my entire medical history whenever they see my dog, and harass me about it in great detail, and it’s illegal.

That kind of predatory behaviour will only get worse if these people are given the legal right to hyper-analyze every aspect of my life and medical history--which they would never do to an abled person just trying to go inside a gas station to pee. Carving out exceptions in the ADA for “punishing fakers” inevitably means that disabled people will get caught up in the net.

And depending on what the punishments are--fines, jail time, some kind of criminal record--they may put my entire life in jeopardy.

The best case scenario for that, is people like me (too poor, too brown, too disabled to jump through the administrative hoops) just stay in my home and never leave until I spontaneously stop being autistic and having PTSD.

Even if there was a registration system that was easy and free to use, because of the medical system in the US today, how is the average disabled person living below the poverty line supposed to get the medical proof of their need for a dog, to register it?

Will dogs need a certification test? How will that be funded? How will it be administered when, again, the people using this registry are overwhelmingly poor? How will it be administered for people who have transit restrictions? How will it be administered for trained tasks that are unusual and non-standard, but still necessary for the handler’s wellbeing?

And, of course. Given the example of other registries in the US, such as ID cards, it would be neither free nor easy to use.

The ADA solves all of these problems by simply saying, “what is the actual problem business owners want to avoid with regards to animals in their premises?”

Businesses want to avoid violence, biological waste, and disruption to service.

So, if a dog shows any signs of being violent, unable to control its peeing/pooping, or being disruptive to service, that dog and only that dog is removed from the business.

And other dogs are assumed to be serving a purpose and left to fulfill it.

Under the ADA, businesses already have the grounds to protect their business, and disabled people don’t have to go to lengths that would never be asked of an abled person, simply to be allowed to patronize that business.

The solution is elegant, and it only works because anyone can use it, even if they are too disabled to register a service animal with any kind of central authority and then carry around proof of that registration.

The fact that some businesses go out of their way to break the law does not mean that disabled people should be held to higher standards than their abled peers while those law-breakers are given more power.

That just rewards law breaking, and punishes disabled people.

I wonder if people who get caught up in pushing for "more legal consequences" for people with "fake service dogs" know they're being tricked into chipping away at the ADA

The ADA is written like that on purpose. Our disabled activist elders were not stupid. They knew that the extremely lax rules might be easy to exploit and they made it that way anyway because they would rather have people exploit them than have ANY DISABLED PERSON be gatekept out of exercising their legal rights by being forced to jump thru hoops.