#just a random example my intrusive thoughts are usually different

[powerfulkicks]

intrusive thoughts are so funny. your brain is like "imagine how fucked up it would be if you pushed that stranger in front of a car lol" and you're like yeah. that would be fucked up. i'm not gonna do that though. and your brain is like "ok. just to make sure i'm gonna make you think of it in graphic detail over and over for the next five minutes just so that you really understand how fucked up it would be." thanks i guess.

[mercurial-space-case]

hey you mentioned in the tags of a post that stopping doing compulsions isn't the only recovery option for ocd, could you elaborate on that?

Absolutely! Caveat that I'm just one person, and while my therapist did approve this it's not really something I've heard talked about outside of my experience. I am not a therapist, following this advice could potentially be dangerous, I recommend trying the usual method first.

Under a cut for my comfort. Warnings for coping with intrusive thoughts/delusions without reality checking, magical thinking, etc.

This will not solve the problem of having intrusive thoughts; this is about accepting they're a part of your life and coping with it.

I tried the typical method of breaking them, and sometimes it works! Not usually, but it's worth trying for specific compulsions that are harmful or dangerous. The problem for me is that it doesn't change the way your brain works. I still had the thoughts that the compulsions were helping, but without any way to keep them under control or any way to cope with them. I, without fail, developed different compulsions to cope with them.

The typical therapy approach recommends I just keep doing it! Again, I'm sure that works for some people. It wasn't worth it for me. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating, I was inconsolable and all I could think about was all the terrible things I knew were going to happen because I didn't follow through.

I have 2 things that have helped me. Spirituality and understanding my brain.

Spirituality for me is very different from what I've heard most people describe. Magical thinking is a core component of OCD, and religion can make it worse, or be its focus in the example of religious OCD. If thats part of yours this one probably won't work. For me, though, I lean into the magical thinking. I trust that the universe wouldn't put more on my shoulders than I can handle, and other people with rituals will pick up any of my slack. I still do the things that help, because I genuinely believe they prevent the things I'm worried about, but when I can't (I'm in a rush, I'm in too much pain, they would hurt me or someone else,) I put my faith in something greater to make up for it. For me, I believe when I get random spikes in rituals when I'm not in a rushed or stressful situation, I'm picking up someone else's load, and this brings me a lot of comfort.

The above method, I imagine, could be very dangerous if you have severe schizotypal symptoms or are not good at double booking. I'm very good at double booking, which is part of why this works for me. It doesn't really treat the root problem, but it prevents the spirals caused by being unable to fulfill a compulsion.

I haven't had any success with this one (partially because of the spirituality coping mechanism!) but if you have a way of making a new compulsion manually, do a reset one. It will save you so much pain and suffering trying to do something just right when, inevitably, you are human and don't do it perfectly. Just reset and try again. (ex. I have a compulsion of counting my steps in 3s, but with so much going on in my head I miscount sometimes. A reset might look like "stop, tap your toes together 3 times, continue" and then start over your counting. It should be something easy you can do almost always.)

2nd is something I learned in ADHD coping mechanisms! Understand your brain and work with it. When are your compulsions worst? Typically the answer is in stressful situations, as well as places or times or around items/people that trigger them. Why do they happen? They're a coping mechanism! Get other coping mechanisms, avoid the things that trigger spirals when you can, bring comfort objects with you (I highly recommend having an accessory, a very light jacket, and a winter jacket for this if possible) that calm you down. Bonus points if you can assign protective qualities to them, or compulsions! (ex. I am safe when I wear my jacket (DISTINCTLY *NOT* I AM UNSAFE WITHOUT IT), my jacket keeps me safe from intrusive thoughts, my jacket makes up for it when I can't do compulsions)

I'm gonna say this again so it really hits home, this is what I've tried and has worked for me. You've asked me to share and I am, but if you have access to a therapist I highly recommend getting it approved by them first because I don't know how these methods might interact with the way you work. Please please please be careful.

[crowwithacomputer]

I'm a bit tired of seeing people who still use the term "intrusive thoughts" when they want to cut their hair.

I have never been diagnosed with anything, but I do have a fair amount of disturbing thoughts to know that something is a bit off.

These people who use this term for its incorrect uses (dye or cut hair, quit your job and start a shop, do bold makeup, put on clothes that are different from their style, etc) end up seeing the extremely disgusting and bad thoughts people have, and call us psychos, murderers, and a big etc.

This is why a lot of people in my life call me pedantic, but I think people should start using the correct terminology for things, and I usually call people out. They act annoyed but when they see that intrusive thoughts sometimes can be killing your friend and then involving necrophilia, it's like "wow I don't have that you guys are insane".

Let me put this as an example: What do you expect when you look up "porn" on the internet? As you might have guessed, you get sexual content. What do you expect when you look up "knee length red dress"? As you might have guessed, you get knee length red dresses.

So why do people expect other things when they hear people have intrusive thoughts? Because, you guessed it, ignorance. Mental health is extremely stigmatised and hidden, so people don't know their terms. Not only with intrusive thoughts, but when people say "I have a lot of OCD!", "I thought I heard you say something, I'm schizophrenic!" or, like I've actually heard people say, when they do something stupid they call themselves autistic. This last one is more ableism (which is heavily involved in this) than ignorance, but you get the deal.

This has been talked about before, and I am nobody to talk about this topic since my info is very limited as well as my experience, but I know that if I don't know what a term actually means, I don't use it.

But yeah, people get weirded out when I bring up my thoughts and, you know, if you ask for intrusive thoughts I'm gonna talk about them, not a random impulse to dye your hair at 3 am on a Friday.

Just know your terms correctly and check your info in case someone says you're wrong on topics you don't have that much info on, I think it's just not difficult. Of course, if I'm wrong you can correct me ❤️

[schizopositivity]

just sending this in because honestly i need someone to drop the mask to and just let out my thought processes as they happen with out trying to shape it up all pretty and present to someone neurotypical mind . you know?

it's like, i had to write a little letter to my professor about accomodations or somethingorwhatever. because my disorganized thinking is really bad right now and it's super hard to actually work in his class. brainthoughts are like we should look up the symptoms so we can better describe them and it's like..the same description that barely makes any sense to me lol. occassionally i find gems that get me perfectly like "feeling as though your brain is scrambled or fragmented and filled with pieces of conversations, music, and odd noises, etc"

it's just...why is this particular part so misunderstood. barely ever elaborated on. or explored. and so hard to find any in depth info that goes beyond the same repeated "Speech may be hard to make out and thinking disorganized." The symptom is called disorganized thinking!!! that's like going "symptom: hallucination. its when you hallucinate" no shit

sometimes i think it might be easier to find out what neurotypicals thought processes are like and then compare and contrast that to my personal experience tbh

i agree that there should be more info on disorganized thinking but i also see how that would be hard to describe cause it can show itself in so many different ways. if it helps i can give some examples of thoughts i experience that i think are disorganized:

•having a clear train of thought and then it just stops and i forgot what i was just thinking about

•being confused in general because i feel like things are going fast and i dont understand it

•a random phrase i heard or part of a song repeating in my head over and over so loud i cant think of anything else when i try

•someone asking me a question and me taking a long time to process it and answer because i feel like i have to concintrate very hard to understand the words and what they mean put together

•thoughts racing so fast i cant understand them as i think them so it feels like im thinking in gibberish

•thoughts being so slow that i get frustrated

•thinking several things at once all in an unclear jumble to the point where i cant talk

•trying to think about something but i cant cause it gets overshadowed by louder thoughts (usually random memories, trauma flashbacks or intrusive thoughts)

theres probably more but funny enough im having trouble thinking of them lol

[cinderella-ish]

The ways purity culture intersects with OCD are striking.

Let me tell you about what it's like to be a person with OCD. Our brains are thought-generating machines. We think more thoughts than we can feasibly process.

Most people are able to filter out the important thoughts from the random, background thoughts. A person with OCD will latch on to some of those random, background thoughts - usually the absolute worst, most upsetting ones - and ruminate on them.

We do this because we care about whatever that thought is. In my case, I obsessed over causing harm. I constantly worried that I had hit someone with my car but didn't know it. Or that if I were ever near a dangerous item (an axe, a chainsaw, or a firearm), I was sure to hurt someone badly. I was in a state of constant vigilance against my own actions and thoughts, and I was convinced I secretly wanted to hurt people even though that was literally the most upsetting thought to me.

And then, when we find a compulsion that temporarily soothes the thought, we repeat that ad infinitum, hoping we'll rescue ourselves if we just do the thing just right, or enough times, or completely for the rest of time (as in the case of an avoidance compulsion). I just had to never be near a chainsaw, or an axe, or a firearm, or a car.

Thinking these things didn't ever mean I wanted to hurt people. It actually meant exactly the opposite. I was obsessing over those particular thoughts because they were so deeply upsetting to me.

I now own a cleaver, and I'm comfortable using it in the kitchen and sharpening it myself. (I know this is not revolutionary for most people, but to me, a cleaver is just a mini axe. Those things are were scary!)

I now know those thoughts are a normal part of having a brain, and exploring them in a safe way (i.e. through fiction) is actually incredibly helpful to me, because it allows me to have agency as I explore thoughts and concepts that used to trigger bad obsessive spirals. For example, when I was going through exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP) for OCD, one of the exercises I would do was carrying one of my intrusive thoughts to its natural conclusion.

Well, what if I DID hit someone with my car? Well...first, I'd try to help them, call 911, administer the first aid I know, etc... If I was at fault, I might face charges, which would be a hardship. It would be harder if the person I hit suffered serious harm. I would have to live with that for the rest of my life. And of course, it would be even more painful if the accident happened without me knowing. BUT worrying about it constantly won't actually change whether it will happen. I've now given enough of my brainspace to this, and I won't need to worry about it again unless it actually happens.

I imagine the current purity culture must be incredibly hard for people whose OCD is not managed, and may be pushing people with a propensity for OCD into some bad spirals.

There's also the fact that survivors of trauma often use role play or fiction as a way of working through their trauma.

And NO ONE should have to disclose their trauma or medical conditions for their engagement with fiction to be "valid." Everyone worries sometimes, and fiction can be a way to work through those worries.

Fiction can also provide catharsis, especially tragedies and "dark" fiction. We all need to be able to experience the full spectrum of emotions, and fiction can help us do that.

I also think it's totally valid to criticize fiction. There are a lot of pieces of fiction (all media) that I personally find irredeemable. And it's literally all problematic (because nothing is perfect!). My beloved Fruits Basket has tons of very problematic elements. But there's a wide gulf between "I won't read that" and "it shouldn't exist."

But with that said, it's important to be aware of the current climate. There's a huge difference between saying "this trope is frustrating and here's why" or "this novel by a well-established author didn't successfully make the point it wanted to make" vs. "this fanfic is Bad therefore the author is Bad and anyone who engages with them is Bad and deserves whatever consequences they get."

(Plus, I think the Netflix AtLA adaptation is proof that fiction needs problematic elements and characters to have any heart at all. Give me sexist Sokka and angry Katara and an Aang who runs away and murderous, angry Zuko any day over what we got! Characters need room to GROW! And "problematic" characters show real people there's a way forward!)

(This isn't even getting into the roots of purity culture in colonial, Evangelical Christian ways of thinking. Purity culture is, by its very nature, a tool of the oppressors.)

I really think everyone needs to truly internalize this:

Fictional characters are objects.

They are not people. You cannot "objectify" them, because they have no personhood to be deprived of. They have no humanity to be erased. You cannot "disrespect" them, because they are not real.

[cocomilk-subs]

personifying your old story + persisting in your true 4D reality! 💖

think of your old story thoughts and intrusive thoughts as trolls.

when we're scrolling through any given social media platform these days, you'll always see those kinds of posts or comments.

these troll posts/comments will usually say something so ridiculous, controversial, or unproductive just to get a reaction out of someone. as an example, someone says something very hateful and spreads misinformation.

as a new naive user on the internet, upon viewing these comments, you might start to feel attacked and start questioning your own knowledge and beliefs, and start shifting their beliefs to that post.

however, more experienced users have a different approach. they're more confident in themselves, their own knowledge, and more aware of the difference between a genuine post and one that isn't worth paying attention to.

they notice a troll comment, acknowledge that it's there, and let go. obvious right? nothing is left to do - the troll comment is worthless to them and so they don't give it anymore thought!

as an example: (smth random) in a world where oranges are proven by every scientific institution in the world that they are now deadly poisonous, a comment under a video says "oranges are actually healthy and that we should go back to eating oranges!!!" obviously, this is fake and untrue. however, someone who is insecure about their own knowledge might suddenly rethink what they know about oranges and take it as a fact. more experienced internet users on the other hand, can spot this as bs. they're confident in their belief that oranges are not healthy to eat, and they know it's a waste of time to engage with this person any further. so they ignore it, knowing that this statement has no value to them, letting this statement go, and continue living their lives.

the same approach can be given to our thoughts and assumptions.

let's say your old story is that you are an ugly person who is never appreciated by their friends. but now, you're trying to persist in a reality where you're the hottest person on earth and adored by everyone!

while going on a mental diet, you'll notice that sometimes you still think from your old story. you keep noticing thoughts like, "ugh, why do I look like a freak?!" or "why am i so awkward in social situations!?" and "why have i not manifested that i'm hot and social now!??!!" popping up in your head.

how are you going to approach these comments? are you going to react as if they were true, rethink your assumptions, and start believing again that you're ugly and bad at making friends?

or will you be confident in your belief that you are hot, desired, a social butterfly, the best, and a master manifestor? mark these intrusive thoughts as trolls, and therefore useless to you, now that you are living in a new story now? let go of those comments, knowing that they have no effect on you?

very quick thought process i sometimes go through to punch old story thoughts/intrusive thoughts in the balls:

I am confident in my assumptions, because it's already true: it was automatically true that oranges were deadly in my example. because what you assume creates reality, you have created a reality where you are hot. therefore, you are factually hot. not hot in the future after you manifest, not hot hypothetically in your head, but ACTUALLY FACTUALLY HOT, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

This thought is not aligned with my assumptions, so it is false: "ugh, why do I look so ugly?" - you're living in a reality where you are hot. so, this thought is very contradictory - in fact, it's false, because the true fact is that you are hot.

Because it is false, it has no value to me. Idc about it anymore, i'm letting it go: Just like your response to your troll, you know that it's no use reacting to such a stupid statement in your head. So no stress! You just let it go knowing that you're already living in a reality where your assumption is true, because it actually is.

And just like that, you can peacefully move beyond a "troll" thought in your head. Recognise that they, in the end, have no power over you. You are God, you have effortless power over literally everything, ESPECIALLY your thoughts.

BASICALLY, YOU CAN SUMMARISE THE THOUGHT PROCESS LIKE THIS:

[KNOWING THAT YOU'RE HOT] "OH WHAT'S THIS?! A THOUGHT THAT SAYS IM UGLY?! THAT SHIT ISN'T TRUE, SO IT'S A TROLL. TROLLS HAVE NO VALUE OR POWER OVER ME. I'M LETTING THAT GO AND GOING BACK TO WHATEVER I WAS DOING"

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

BTS Documentaries and Ethics

The purpose of music documentaries is usually to put a spotlight on a particular artist, band or major event, with an aim to cast a light into the behind the scenes. It can be intimate, offering fans a glimpse into the thoughts of their favorite artists. It can be expository, which is the main category of music documentaries, like No Direction Home, Gaga: Five Foot Two, Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck, or it can take other shapes in order to tell a story differently than what is the norm, like Scorsese's Rolling Thunder Revue, a mockumentary that used footage from Renaldo and Clara, a film shot by Bob Dylan in the 70s while on tour, slightly altering some facts which would be caught on only by hardcore fans. Another example, which is a favorite of mine, would be 20.000 Days on Earth, which was a musical-documentary which portrayed a fictional day in the life of Nick Cave.

Turning to BTS now, their documentaries are expository, focusing on their tours, beginning with 2017. Burn the Stage is frankly quite relevant as compared to others as it was also the first one released. It's relevance is in showing the band on tour and also how they work. Not only that, it revealed on camera something which is absolutely normal, that is disagreement and honestly, it made it all more real. Not only that, it worked in terms of a documentary structure, that glimpse of conflict. Besides that, it showed some hardships and hard truths about the effect of such a tour and what a hectic work schedule can do to an individual. It's interesting to note that in the BTS case the purpose of a music documentary it's not the usual one. Fans don't really need to wait for it in order to find out more about the band, since BTS has had an online presence ever since the beginning, exposing part of their work life as much as they could. Either way, Burn the Stage had all the elements of a classic on the road documentary that managed to offer information that was not usually revealed up until then. I will not delve too much into the rest of the releases, as they're not at the same standard and over the years, not only it became a bit repetitive, it did not offer a ''realness'' like in the first one, a lot of footage was recycled, as it was used for other DVDs.

What my focus is on today is the question of ethics in documentary practices and I will talk about what was shown in Burn the Stage, specifically the parts of Jungkook getting sick,  as this is an issue that was talked about a lot with many divisive opinions. My point stands for all similar instances in the BTS documentaries.

Documentary ethics is a very vast topic of discussion and a very complicated one, to say the least. A filmmaker has to think about what is considered to be necessary to get a story, how close can they get, is it ok to film some things, what impact it has on its subject, is it too intrusive? Or who benefits from it all? A filmmaker may say it benefits the subject or a certain community, depending on the topic, but it also benefits the filmmaker, as they can make money out of it, get some prestige if the documentary is part of film festivals, receives awards or it's shown on a major tv network. Or simply, money out of sold DVDs. There can be differences between what a filmmaker thinks and deems to be right, his subject and his audience. The first two can negotiate the lines of what is acceptable and come to an agreement and in some cases, a filmmaker spends years documenting, showing the subject what they have, what is their direction, getting their approval, while still maintaining artistic autonomy. It cannot be said the same thing when it comes to the audience, as there can be differences between what they think it's (un)ethical and the filmmaker's own position. I recommend this article that tackles this subject and the interesting part was the one that answered the question if the subject is to be treated differently, depending if they are average people of famous people:

“We say this to everyone at the beginning, we say you’re going to see this film before it’s done. You can see it when it can still be changed. We’re going to try to convince you that we need you in this movie; that it’s important for the story that it’s good for society in general to tell this story, and why your part of it is so important. At the end of the day, if I can’t convince you we’ll take you out of the movie.”

Quinn then went on to explain that the rules that apply to an average person, might not apply to someone who is already famous.

“If they’re already famous, they already have agency in the world,” Quinn said. “We want to get the facts right of course, and if it’s really something that bothers you or that you’re not happy with, you’re going to be listened to. But at the end of the day it has to be my decision.”

This doesn't mean there is a complete disregard towards someone just because they are famous, but the lines are drawn a bit differently when someone is a public figure and has consented to being filmed and appear in a documentary.

Now, how do all these ethical questions work on that particular part in Burn the Stage? When it comes to a documentary, in the best case scenario, the subjects consent to being filmed, they sign a contract. If there's something that should definitely not be seen, that part does not end up in the final cut or simply, not being filmed. As an audience, we have the outsider's point of view, which means we cannot possibly know what kind of discussions or agreements have taken place. The logical option is to understand that in that particular moment when Jungkook was sick, he more likely had not even payed attention to the camera as being intrusive. Not just because of the state he was in, but also because the camera is always there, ever since the beginning. If, after the entire situation, he would want that footage to not be included, he could have had the option to say so, but since that was not the case, we can assume that he consented to it. Of course we could come up with a bunch of scenarios, but that is too much speculation about information that we are simply not privy to so there's no point in going into that direction.

As I mentioned above, the way in which an audience perceives something shown in the documentary could be different than what was the filmmaker's intent, or in this case, also Big Hit. Before I proceed I would like to mention that when it comes to such situations we have to ask ourselves: is it gratuitous or it's there to reflect a reality? The purpose of the documentary was to show life on tour. It means that in such a work environment and given their profession, accidents can happen, people can get sick. It's not uncommon. And if the point is to show reality, then it makes sense that the decision was to film and include that particular situation. But why is there such a strong reaction to it? Is it because of the emotional connection fans have with the person being filmed? This is one answer and it's to be expected (I'm not judging it). Would this reaction be the same if the documentary was about a random average person? We should ask ourselves that, especially when we question intent because it's only fair that the audience as well can be aware of their own bias or preconceived notions.

[phoenixyfriend]

Madara and Obito... In SPACE

So the preface to this mess: I don’t know jackshit about Star Wars, so a lot of this went through friends who do know Star Wars (the primary of which does not have a tumblr).

(I have watched Episodes 7&8, and Rogue One. Of the first six movies, I remember watching maybe an hour total. I have not seen more than snatches of Clone Wars. Beyond that, nothing but fic.)

Anyway! Let’s go:

As y’all probably know by now, my favorite form of crossover is what I call “intrusive,” so... I'm enjoying the mental concept of "dump Madara on Coruscant and watch him go." (Prequels, probably.)

Does Madara know what's going on? No. Can he understand a word that's being said? No! Is he going to fight the first person to aim a weapon at him, and every person after that? Yes.

Is Madara fighting fit?

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnno, not really, he’s old as balls. This is "I was on cave life support but I'm getting back up to kick ass out of pure spite" Madara.

[Image description: A screenshot of a panel of the Naruto Manga. Uchiha Madara is old and visibly ‘decrepit,’ with spiky white hair and an amorphous black robe. He is sitting on a pale throne, and there is a scythe visible to the side. He has a speech bubble saying “I am... a ghost of the Uchiha.” End Description]

Two wrinkly old guys, staring each other down: There ain't enough room in this universe for the two of us. [Palpatine and Madara start fighting to the death]

Congrats, Palpatine! Your ass is getting kicked by a geriatric malcontent who doesn't speak any language you've ever heard or feel like literally anything in the Force. You may have Sith lightning, but do you have decades of frontline experiences and over half a century of cave-dwelling bitterness?

Both of them, simultaneously, in completely different languages: Get off my lawn, whipper-snapper.

Palpatine: Behold my mastery of the Dark Side, Foolish old man! Palpatine: [shoots lightning] Madara: Oh hey, you're like the seventeenth most dangerous person who can shoot lightning I've fought. Telekinesis? Fought that. Combat precognition? Fought that, have that, and let me tell you hwat, it doesn't help if you're opponent is just that much faster than you.

Now, I’ll take a step back and acknowledge that several people advised me that Palpatine would��stand a chance against Madara, likely even win, if Madara just got hacked off of his life support and is down to one eye.

But. I want a shitpost, and also to clown on Palpatine, so Madara wins easily.

Madara also deserves to be clowned on, but the entire situation is clowning on him because he’s not in his cave anymore, and he really wants to go back to his Gedou Mazou statue.

Maybe Madara and Palpatine go Old Man Fight and then Obito just pulls a Ninja Move and kills Palpatine that way. Madara was ranting and Obito just. Ninjas behind Palpatine and slits his throat like “okay, you’re obviously evil so like... bye.”

(I just love causing "Wait what" reactions in characters that are used to having total control. Like. Have you read "Unexpected Guests"? The Bleach fic? Everything that happens in Hueco Mundo and after. That energy. I want that energy.)

Madara waves his scythe around like a cane. Obito just trails after like “Gramps, no” because it’s still pre-Sanbi, so he’s Mostly Innocent (you know, on the scale of how fucked up Obito is as a person), and just wants Madara to like. Stop.

Palpatine dies but nobody's sure what to charge Madara with since he did kind of expose a Sith? And Palpatine attacked first for [handwave] reasons?

Jedi: Well sir, in lieu of charging you with assassination of the emperor, we have decided to ask you politely to return to the elderly person's retirement home from whence you came. Please leave immediately. You are frightening the senate. Madara: [incomprehensible raving] Jedi: Yes yes, very interesting. Jedi, whispering: Does anyone know his caretaker???

Obito looks increasingly put-upon as events progress. You need Obito there to... well, not translate. Nobody can translate. But to at least poke Madara into being Slightly Less Homicidal.

Anakin seems sad about his friend dying and being evil so Obito challenges him to a spar. Madara and Obito get pulled into the Jedi Temple to help train Padawans? My first thought was "they wouldn't trust someone so obviously Weird, Crazy, and Incomprehensible around the younglings" and my second thought was "well they let Yoda do it and he's all those things so I mean? YEAH."

What if they put Madara in the bacta tank and he just freshened up like a daisy because of hand-wave Hashirama cell reasons (Blame Sir Tiddyface).

From “Decrepit and Reliant on Cave Tube Life Support” to “Will Call Down Meteors With Ease”

How many eyes does he have? Whatever’s funniest. Let’s say one Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and one Rinnegan, for maximum chaos.

Would "half my body is missing" Obito freak out if Bacta regrew his eye? Can bacta regrow something like that? When characters lose limbs they usually just get cybernetic replacements, but  the person I spoke with said that apparently they saw somewhere that that kind of thing can grow back it just takes a really long time.

I want to imagine bacta would help Obito with the Zetsu integration.

Anyway! Yes. Have Madara help train people despite being... Madara about it. You know... kind of a dick.

(I’d put example gifs but I don’t feel up to it. Y’all know what Madara’s “weakness disgusts me” ass is like.)

Obito had to get his "these fools could never make me sweat" sass from somewhere, after all.

Do you think Obito could fight the baby Jedi that are around his age while recovering? I have no idea what their skill level is at fourteen, but I want to imagine Obito sparring the Padawans.

Obito + Zetsu + Bacta = he still needs physical therapy but he can spar again!

Madara is delighted to have a baby ninja to bully. He's too old to not bully baby ninjas, and Obito is the only baby ninja. TBH Madara just makes Obito his assistant teacher.

Obito: What are we even doing here and how do we get home? Madara: I'm still working on that. Obito: But I want to go home and see Rin and Kakashi! Madara, who was like two days away from triggering the Sanbi plan: I'm working on it.

Something sticking in my mind rn is Ahsoka&Obito, since Obito is still Baby.

I think Obito would be excited to have someone his age that thought he was Cool and Talented for being able to do Chakra Things instead of writing him off as "the dead-last." Like, Rin is friends with him, but she doesn't look up to him as someone more/differently talented.  He'd be excited to get to be "The Mysterious Cool Big Bro" for once.

I feel I also just like the idea of Anakin not knowing what to do with someone Several Years Younger that is also. Ninja Skill.

Miscellaneous thoughts:

Madara is a grouchy old man even AFTER he gets effectively de-aged via bacta dunk, for the record. He's back in his prime and the Jedi have no idea how. They're all concerned about tiddyface*. (When are people not concerned about Sir Tiddyface, really.) The mokuton is a problem.

*Sir Tiddyface is that random Hashirama face that Madara had growing out of his pecs for like... convoluted bullshit reasons.

(Madara doesn't have mokuton, but he has enough Hashirama cells that it interacted very, VERY weirdly with the bacta.)

Obito spends the intervening weeks trying to learn the local language. He's very eager. Not particularly fast. Still doing it though!

I want Obito juggling kunai as physical therapy while he's waiting for Mads to get out of the bacta tank and just gains himself the adoration of a gaggle of small baby Jedi children.

Madara comes out of the bacta tank looking like he did in his prime (which I mentioned earlier but whatever), and it absolutely incites a yelling match of an argument that draws way too much attention.

Someone tries to teach Obito how to access the Force, just to see what happens. He almost turns into a statue because the philosophy behind Force meditation is only a few steps away from Sage Mode Meditation.

Anyway, Madara smacks him with a stick like Fukasaku to make sure Obito doesn't turn into stone.

Madara grumps about the lack of paper and brushes and ink. Bitches about it until someone hits up an antique store or something to get them for him. The day before he and Obito are dispatched on a mission with someone, probably Anakin for plot reasons, Madara very publicly seals things into a scroll and then tells them that no, they can't learn it, because the Force isn't chakra so fuuinjutsu won't work for them, so There.

Obito practices some Teen Rebellion (tm) and like, tries to teach the Padawan friends he's made how to do Chakra Things... but he's so bad at explaining things that nobody can get it to work even if it were possible.

In Obito's defense, language barriers. Not in Obito's defense, he's just really bad at words sometimes.

[sugargliderowl]

Thoughts About Remus' Playlist

So as usual, this is my first reaction/rant/analysis about the playlist! This time, it’s Remus’ Playlist. I think it’s going to be cursed. But a... good cursed, if that’s a thing. As usual, feel free to add on to this! It’s good to share thoughts and talk about meanings, even making predictions about the future! 

General Overview Before Listening: I love Yugen_sama ‘s artwork; her style makes me happy! Also, Remus doing that? TOTALLY HIM. Just looking at the choice of songs does mirror Roman’s playlist in a way with their own anthems, Tenacious D, maybe an etc. We’ll have to see on that. His explanation with all the emojis is definitely him, and I think that’s all I can say. Just look at it.

Reminder: Before we go on, a little reminder for your safety. The songs can be quite... a handful. If you know about Remus’ personality and interests but still wanna read the overall analysis, go to the TL:DR at the way bottom without reading the specific song analysis. If you remember the TW from the video, that really applies here. Stay safe. 

Song Analysis:

This Devil’s Workday: Genius told me that this is about a criminal going mad. Yeah. The blazing trumpets and the really radio-like voice in the song is kinda creepy, but that goes with Remus as intrusive thoughts! He’s very obtrusive, and he’s everywhere without any filter. It’s a good intro to his character. The poor sack of puppies in this song goes back to his theme’s lyric, “your pet dog stuffed into a sausage” Also, the repetition of “All the people that you know / Floating on the river are logs” is like what he does to Thomas (repetitively reminding him about the bad things). The  “Oh I am my own da[ng] God” goes along with all the biblical references he makes in his theme (and just the dark sides in general). All in all, this song/introduction just is him screeching, “HI, I’M YOUR INTRUSIVE THOUGHT WITHOUT THE UGH.” 

Forbidden Fruit (the Duke’s Theme): If you are a Fander, you definitely are singing/screaming this on top of your lungs as you listen to this. I did that, and I love that. This song itself has a lot of good analysis online, so check them out! It was the intro song of the Duke with all his motives, thoughts, and everything beyond that, so it’s definitely on here. Also, it mirrors A Gay Disney Prince from Roman’s playlist by both being their own “I want” songs as well as their character role songs. The Creativitwins strike here once.

Double Team: Tenacious D! The Creativitwins strike here again! Wonderboy was on Roman’s playlist, which is also a Tenacious D song, so you can definitely say there are some mirroring going on here (also! YES the artist choice seems like a definite factor in choosing these songs). So this song is about having sex. Okay. And having a threesome. Okay, Remus. This song, even though it’s from the same artist as Roman, has a really different theme. If the Tenacious D selection is about the twins, would this mean that Roman wants them to be a really good team who, even though are opposites, can get along, while Remus wants them both to lose the filter and have fun? Overall, it could mean that the twins both want to get along, just in different ways which contradict one another. I’m not going into the lyric details because oof.

Man: I just noticed that Yeah Yeah Yeahs was on Patton’s and Virgil’s playlists. On Remus? I didn’t really expect that, but that’s a pleasant surprise. This song is really interesting because it’s not like the other two. This song, for me, is about someone who is obsessed with a man who would make her do anything, and she’s just hooking up with him or something. Also, the whole, “You're all gonna burn in hell / I said we're all gonna burn in hell” goes back to the biblical references that the Dark Sides make as well as the lyric of “Cause your head's not in the gutter, pal / It's in Hell.” Who is the man? Thomas, probably. This probably directs back to Remus convincing Thomas to drop the filter.

Freeee: “When man becomes possessor of the knowledge of himself, he becomes the master of his environment“ in the beginning of the song is Remus telling Thomas to learn about himself by possibly accepting Remus. The lyrics “One day they hate you / Next day they love you / I'm still yellin' "F[*]ck 'em" / I could never trust—” show how Remus doesn’t trust the society like Janus, and that’s just one of the main core of the dark sides. They don’t trust people that much. This does include Virgil since he is anxiety, so he can’t trust everything immediately. They all have different ways of showing the distrust. For Remus, it’s the layback, “frick it” attitude. “I don’t feel pain anymore” and “nothin’ hurts me anymore” seems to be a potential for Remus angst of being rejected from all the sides and being the “Evil Twin”. Does he care or not care? No one knows yet.

In The Room Where You Sleep: Sleep from the shorts and Virgil will both react really strongly to this song. Why? “There's something in the shadows / In the corner of your room / A dark heart is beating / And waiting for you” (Telltale Heart reference-). Yeah. Remus listening to this would go back to that end card of Remus being creepy (and eating deodorant). Also, it possibly demonstrates Virgil and Remus’ relationship; Remus scared Virgil because of his thoughts and conjectures. The repetition of “You better run / You better hide” would also contribute to this thought, definitely. But then again, that melancholy keyboard... Why that montage at the end?

No Reason Boner: The song is very catchy and funny. But ASDKLFAJSD. This is definitely Remus’ type of song. That means that the sexual information is given control to Remus, and he probably uses the information for his jokes and intrusive thoughts. This song is what Remus' personality is: goofy yet NSFW. This intrusive thought without the ugh is probably lovable in this fandom because of that. Also, I don’t know why, but he can have that naivete even though he’s the one in charge of stuff like that. A nice juxtaposition right there.

I Told You I Was Freaky: This playlist is a RIDE. VERY MUCH A RIDE. Just all the sexual references in this song are just 1000% Remus. The song itself is quite whispery, and I guess that goes with Remus because he whispers the dirty stuff into Thomas’ ears. Well, whisper is very much an understatement. But I have to admit, if you listen to the lyrics, there are some very creative ways that people don’t think of. It’s usually a bed, a car, or in a club or party, but the lyrics are more than that. Then, we can assume how capable and skilled Remus is as the Dark Creativity; he’s as good as Roman, just in a different category. 

Queef: If you don’t know what a queef is, I didn’t too. I just looked it up while I was typing this. Wait, isn’t Awkwafina in like a movie? This, like that last song, is basically him going off on his creativity and wordplay. In future episodes, I would love to see how Remus can go off with his wordplay because if Roman’s good at all the nicknames, and if Remus is basically him but darker, that means he’s good. Like really good. This song is also very, very catchy, and I kinda jammed through it because of the beat.

Manners: According to genius, this song is a "sexually-charged bad b[*]tch anthem on which Ashnikko displays her “IDGAF”-attitude.” Basically, the vine, “I’M A BAD B*TCH YOU CAN’T KILL ME” would equate to Remus as well as the meme, “Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you want to go APESH*T-.” This might connect with his facade in a way because he seems to be naive and goofy at times (although NSFW), but when he drops it, he drops it fast, and he drops it hard. For example, his facade drops when he threatened Logan in DWIT, and his facade can be picked back up quickly, too. This song also has the element of “Frick this world” attitude, which Remus showed in the previous songs, and I stan him. As the fandom did an edit once, he would definitely wear acrylic nails if he wants to. A thing that I did notice though is the lyric “Fight or flight, I’m fighting for my life.” HI VIRGIL!

Ben Bernanke: I don’t know who Spencer is, but a big OOF for him. This song’s structure is really unique because I have no clue where it’s going, and it’s going with Remus’ personality of just randomness and intrusivity (is that a word?). ALSO, the continuing snakes in these songs. So is Spencer Janus in our context? If so, Remus is quite mad at Janus. I do see why though, after that last video implying that he’s the Evil Twin. “Do you think you can mock me, Spencer? / Do you think you can capture my essence / And throw it back at me with / Humor and rhetorical devices?” Gosh, Janus and Remus could have beef with one another. Also, that “Avada Kedavra” and “I’m... a furious magician” could definitely foreshadow something in the future. Additionally, “You're the architect of my dreams, Spencer / You plan them, and build them on blue paper / And hand them to me / And then I dream them, Spencer.” 

Worldwide Torture: “I never come second place / Always been a big disgrace Smell the fear, I know you see / High achiever (Yeah, that's me!)” Welcome to Remus’ angst that we do not know much about yet. It’s great. It’s just like Roman, but in a more “I’m a disappointment” way! However, what’s quite different is that Remus is pissed. Beyond pissed about it, so he acts up unlike Roman who tries to mask it. Because he knows that he’s not regarded nicely with any of the sides, he wants to molest them and destroy the world, shown by the lyrics “A pure violation of God's great creation / It’s an infestation, it’s world domination.” I think this issue might pop up more frequently as more episodes come out, but for now, this is my assumption. Out of context, “The highest score” goes with that last episode, since Remus was present as the 80085. 

Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na): I DIDN’T EXPECT THIS TO BE HERE, BUT I LOVE IT. THANK YOU. WOOOOOO YASSSS. This is actually one of the “pump me up” songs. First, “Eight legs to the wall, hit the gas, kill them all” is, obviously, a spider in the song, but in our context, we can also call it an octopus because Remus’ animal is an octopus, which has 8 tentacles (6 legs and 2 arms). Second, Remus is PISSED. He definitely has a punk aesthetic, shown by all the songs about flipping the world. The lyrics “I’d rather to to Hell / Than be in purgatory” definitely shows his determination of doing so since he’s saying that he won’t sit back. Somehow, for me it’s a growth from the beginning of “I don’t care” to “I actually care, and I’m fighting for that sh*t”. Pissed off Remus is scary Remus.

Trash People: Trash rat boiiiii. But this song is more than that. It’s showing that trash people aren’t really... trash people. “ Art is love and love is sloppy / Nothing is all pure / Nothing is all dirty” really shows the whole duality aspect in the entire series. Everything is gray. And that’s what Roman and Remus need to work on since they were divided by the black and white mentality. If Remus is okay with the gray morality, then who would be the one that he’s directing this song to? Roman. “Wearing a smile and a heart on my sleeve” though. I don’t get this lyric, but then again, tell me what you guys think! Does this mean that Remus is actually trying to be like this, or is he mocking Roman... The “no time to start over” also sounds really ominous.

Tranz: Gorillaz! Same album as Roma-OKAY THIS IS GETTING REAL. The last one with this artist had the lyrics, “I’m the lonely twin, the left hand... I don’t want this isolation.” People were screaming about this because, of course, this refers to Remus, but who knew that this was going to pop up again! That’s why I loved the artist connections during these analysis. Anyways, this goes back to the twin duality, but more of an angry tune. Take a look at this: “Do you look like me? Do you feel like me? / Do you turn into your effigy? / Do you dance like this forever?” Remember Roman’s whole monologue about Remus as someone he sees in the mirror with all the things he doesn’t want to be? This song is Remus asking Roman about that statement. Keep in mind that effigy is a sculpture that is usually used to mock or burn and is used as a negative connotation (thank you my English teacher). Remus doesn’t like that comparison at all, and I’m more concerned for him now than I was ever before after Janus saying that too. 

Death as a Fetish: Wow, this is sad. “And I will never be good enough, quietly / And you will never be good enough, just like me.” If the twins have the time to reconcile, this is probably the first thing they need to help out on each other. Remus knows more about his twin than we all thought, and he knows that both of them have problems about that. On the other hand, this song, when I looked at some of the annotations on genius, has a sad connotation. Life is so short, and it ends, and you know for sure that death is there at all times with that repetition of “death as a fetish” after everything we find positive. For Remus, I guess he knows about this. He’s a deeper character than we credit him as.

Don’t Stop Me Now: TONIIIIGHT IM GONNA HAVE MYSEEEELF A GOOD TIIME- okay. This song is something I scream my lyrics to. I also didn’t expect this, but in a calmer manner (because I wasn’t calm when this was on), yes please. Basically, DON’T STOP ME NOWWW! I don’t know how to explain this in a deeper way. Yeah. I LOVE THIS SONG THOUGH!

Things I Don’t Remember: “Things I don't remember / How the hell'd we get here? / How the hell did we get here?” This can be interpreted in a lot of ways. It could either be how all the sides came to be, how Roman and Remus came to be by both having the role of creativity, or just where Thomas is mentally since they are all Thomas. I think that’s depending on how you want to go about it. The last point is the strongest for me because of this one phrase of  “There were endless conversations / No one's mouths were really moving” maybe referring to the sides’ conversations around Thomas’ dilemmas. They sometimes only make it worse until someone has to kick in to change the viewpoint around, and that’s the reason why it feels like nobody’s mouths were really moving. Also, dressed up alligators? Okay, Remus.

F*ck It!: (Censored by yours truly with her notecard of “note your language”) The album name of taxidermy... fitting. Back to the song. “Why abstain? Why jump in line?” and “They say don't take the risk you're sure to fail... But what's the worst that could happen, end up in a coffin? / Isn't that where we're all headed anyway?” really highlights Remus’ spontaneity, which is a big factor in intrusive thoughts. This is back to the “frick this”, but more a “frick it I’m doing that sh*t, and I don’t care about the consequences” (going back to Na Na Na on that). Also, “'Cause it's easier to lie to yourself than to face reality” reminded me of Janus, but does this also apply to Remus in a way? Or does this apply to all the sides who are lying to themselves, especially Roman? Anyways, Remus’ spontaneity is something to kinda look up to at times. Not... not all the time. 

fReAkY 4 Life: Dorian Electra... the one behind Flamboyant from ROMAN’S PLAYLIST! The Creativitwins music solidarity number I-forgot-to-count. To the lyrics! “They just don't understand me / I'm not like them, I'm freaky” does go to all the other sides and Thomas because Remus really stands out from all the other sides. Silly yet NSFW, weird, and very new. Also, he seems to want some attention from all the sides with “ I like to be in the spotlight / Step on the scene ’cause it feels right / I freakin' scream, baby, all night / I do it, I do it, do it all the time,” but is it a distraction or legitimate attention? I love how this song is the finale because this song is the fireworks that says Remus. All the lyrics really match him, and especially with the “I hear what they call me / I hear what they say / I'm not very cool, yeah / But I'll never change,” it cements how Remus thinks. 

TL:DR: 

Remus is a character deeper than we already know him as. There are a lot of him that hasn’t been introduced to us since he’s pretty new. He has been on for about 2-3 episodes (only 1 with his full participation), and he never really interacted with Roman nor Janus, both who has a history with our little gremlin. Yes, Remus is the Duke of Dark Creativity and intrusive thoughts; there are so many references that are R-rated in this playlist, but in the end, he is another side. He more than the trash boi who gleefully talks about sensitive topics. 

He still has a connection with Roman with all the overlaps in their insecurities and artists, and he’s probably the one who’s more knowledgeable about their relationship as a twin. He could even want to reconcile with his twin, but in a way that Roman would not approve. That doesn’t mean that Remus is kinda mad at Roman. A fun house mirror.

Next, He doesn’t want to change himself in the sake of others although he knows that the others hate him for being him, and he’s actively going against it, not caring about the consequences. That’s what drives him to be really good at his job. He’s as good as Roman on doing his job. Along with that, he wants Thomas to embrace him as one of the sides and come over to the dark side of creativity. It’s one of Remus’ biggest dreams: acceptance. I want to see how this plays out with him and especially him.

Finally, he’s pissed. Very pissed. After all the berating at his back from all the other sides, including Janus, he’s PISSED. He’s ready to throw hands and wreck the world. I’m starting to be worried for how his character would develop. If he goes apesh*t, I’m getting popcorn and coke. Maybe drink every time we see him go feral. Eat a popcorn every time someone is disgusted by Remus. 

Overall, I love him more than I ever did because of this playlist since music is the window to the soul. It’s like knowing a person and learning about them. Also, by doing this, it really develops the character and lets the people look inside the character’s deepest thoughts and desires. I don’t know if there will be any additions to these, but if not, I really want to thank the entire group who made this happen! I found some songs that I really love now, and it’s such a good way for the fanders to have fun! (also, the content inspired from this is going to be very interesting)(the ANGST) 

Thanks for reading if you came til here, and feel free to add on to this! I would love to see how you guys think about this playlist!

[whenrockwasyoung19]

It’s Time to Talk about a Bespectacled Elephant in the Room

I’ve been in the Beatles fandom for 8 and a half years. I have had a Beatles blog for the entirety of those 8 and a half years, and I have watched as discourse about these four men evolve. The discourse inside and outside the fandom has become so toxic that I don’t think I can engage with it in the same way that I could before. Let me explain. 

When I entered this fandom 8 and a half years ago, it was in 2012, quite an infamous year in tumblr history. That was the pique of “”cringey”” fandom culture. The Beatles fandom was as steeped in fandom culture as any other fandom. I know this because I was part of two of the top of fandoms at the time, Doctor Who and Sherlock. Believe me, I have seen cringe. 

The fandom at the time was totally aware of the John, Paul, George, and Ringo’s flaws as individuals, but most fans tended to simply enjoy Beatles fandom as if it were the 60s. Some might call it ignorant bliss. If you asked me at the time, I’d have said it was self-aware ignorant bliss--if that even makes sense. At the time, there wasn’t a person with a Beatles icon who hadn’t heard the line “John Lennon beat his wife.” Everyone knew it, but everyone also knew the real story, and so everyone just made peace with it. As a result, people didn’t think about every bad thing the Beatles ever did on a daily basis. It was more like a once-a-month kind of thing. Otherwise, fandom discourse was quite fun and relaxed. There were no shipping wars, no one fought over who was the best Beatle, everyone gushed over the Beatles wives, and we all just had fun with fics and fan art. 

Of course, in this period, people engaged in conversations about one bespectacled Beatles problematic behavior. These conversations usually came from outside of the fandom. It was usually randos coming into the tags or into someone’s ask box and ranting about John Lennon’s violent behavior. Some of it came from within the fandom. Some people really didn’t like John and gave others shit if they listed John as their favorite Beatle. A lot of the discourse boiled down to: ‘hey, I see you like John Lennon. You should know that he beat his wife. And now that you know that, you should feel bad about ever liking him in the first place.’ And the response was often, ‘Actually, John Lennon didn’t beat his wife. They weren’t even married at the time. And also he didn’t beat her, he slapped her once in the face, and then never did it again.’ No one’s minds were changed. The fans had made their peace, and the antis came off as cynical and pretentious. 

When Dashcon happened, and Tumblr took a hard look at its cringey fandom culture, the Beatles fandom evolved as well. The fandom became, frankly, less fun. It no longer felt like a group of people who found the Beatles decades after the 60s and were fangirling like it was 1965. There was still some of that left, but a lot of it kind of faded. So, most fandom interactions were reblogging pictures of the Beatles from the 60s and various interview clips and quotes. But the barrage of antis never really went away, and the response didn’t evolve. 

Then, the advent of cancel culture came on. I always waited for the Beatles to get, like, officially canceled, but I also felt they were uncancel-able at the same time. Let me explain. I have been a Beatles fan primarily in an online space, rarely engaging with fans in real life. But I have met fans who are life-long Beatles fans, people who are a lot older than us and who’s fandom isn’t tied to the internet. They don’t give a shit about any of our discourse. They may or may not have heard it before, but they seem totally indifferent to all of it. I’m sure most of them have never heard ‘Mclennon’ before. These are the people that flock to see Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr in concert (and pay astronomical prices for it). These are the people who go to record shops and buy vinyl. These are the people I run into at flea markets who buy up all the Beatles merch before I can even arrive (true story). So, the Beatles will never be canceled because there will always be people who love the Beatles and don’t engage with online discourse. Rarely said, but thank god for Gen-X. 

As cancel culture took over the internet, fandoms changed. It’s not as noticeable in fandoms without problematic favs. For instance, I’m also steeped in the Tom Holland fandom, and that boy is a little angel who has done no wrong. No one has discourse about the unproblematic boy who plays an equally unproblematic character. But in fandoms with ‘problematic favs’ the mood has shifted. I’m also in the Taron Egerton fandom. Taron Egerton, for those who only follow me for my Beatles stuff, is a genuinely sweet and kind person who has had zero scandals in his six year career. There were some rumblings when he was cast as Elton John, and some people took issue with the fact that he’s a straight man playing a gay man. This discourse seemed to die quickly as a whole lot of straight people played gay people in that same year (Olivia Coleman as queer Queen Anne, Emma Stone as her queer lover, Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury). Why jump on this boy who at the time was still technically on the rise. He’s not exactly the same target as someone like Scarlett Johansson who has her pick of roles. Taron doesn’t have quite that some power in Hollywood, and I think most people made peace with the fact that this was a big role for him, and it’s not really fair to take that away from him. So, all in all, the closest thing to a scandal was something that died pretty much on arrival. 

That was until this summer when everything changed. When George Floyd was murdered, celebrities flocked to social media to mourn his loss. Taron’s social media account was silent. For weeks, Taron said nothing about Black Lives Matter or Floyd’s death. This caused outrage in the fandom. Many raced to defend him, starting a hashtage #IstandwithTaron. Others sought to tear him down and anyone who supported him. The kind of mania this one incident caused tore through an otherwise peaceful fandom. What I saw was two sides in a total panic. The antis were people who once had faith that Taron was a good person and were now questioning that. Andthe defenders were people who desperately wanted him to be a good person and were afraid that he wasn’t. In essence, both sides could feel Taron about to get canceled. The defenders wanted to stop it, the antis wanted to ride that wave. 

What this long drawn out Taron example is meant to convey: is that cancel culture has put fandoms on edge. One’s fav has to be perfect, otherwise it can jeopardize the existence of the entire fandom. I’ll admit, I was afraid that I’d be some kind of pariah for standing by Taron through all of this. My actions were to basically reason with the antis but still defend Taron. I defend him mostly because I felt that his silence was the result of a needed social media absence and that trying to shame him back onto social media was an invasion of privacy. But I was genuinely afraid that he would get canceled, and the fun of the Taron fandom would be lost. 

In the Beatles fandom, it often feels like the Beatles, mainly John, have already been canceled. I see this coming from two different sources: antis from outside of the fandom and antis within the fandom. The outside antis are just the same as the ones from 2012. These are people who like to drop in that John Lennon beat his wife, posting this in the tag (which violates an ancient tumblr real by the way--no hate in the tags). 

The antis outside the fandom speak to a larger anti-John Lennon sentiment online. I see references to John Lennon ‘beating his wife’  on Tiktok and twitter. The tone of anti-John Lennon posts has shifted. Before, it felt like the antis were being smug but also argumentative. They wanted to have a conversation about this bit of info they read on Reddit with no context. Now, “John Lennon beating his wife” is practically a meme. It’s a running joke online that John Lennon was a wife beater. I can’t look on my instagram explore page because every so often a John Lennon beats his wife meme will pop up amongst the other, normal, memes.

This change in discourse suggests that the internet has just accepted this as fact now. I should note that back in 2012, it seemed as if few people knew this fact. The fandom knew it, and these random antis knew it, but few others did. Now, because of how common these memes are, it seems to be widespread knowledge.

Consequently, the Beatles fandom, who used to ward off attacks from antis, seems to have given in. I recently saw a post from a Beatles blog (had the URL and icon and everything) that confessed they felt guilty for listening to the Beatles, and I’ve seen similar sentiments expressed in the fandom. People tend to put disclaimers in posts about John or even all four that John is an ‘awful man.’ It seems like the self-aware ignorant bliss has completely gone away. Occasionally, I still see posts joyously talking about Mclennon or reblogs of old photos from the 60s. But the culture has shifted. 

Online, it no longer feels comfortable to be a Beatles fan. It feels like you have to own up to 8 decades of mistakes by four men you’ve never met. And, I should note, this is kind of how it feels to be a fan of anything right now. Taron is not canceled today, but he could be tomorrow. It’s this pervasive feeling of guilt that the person you’re supporting may or definitely has or is doing something wrong.

I’ll admit this uncomfortable feeling has expanded into other parts of my fandom life. I listen to their music, and I feel elated--the way I always have. Then, I get these intrusive thoughts which sound like all the worst parts of Twitter combined. It wasn’t always like this. Back in 2012, when I knew almost nothing about them, I saw them as four young men who were full of happiness, love for another, and talent. Back then, listening to their music was exciting and joyous. Sometimes, I fear that I can never feel that way again. Next year, when I finally go to Liverpool, will I be filled with excitement or guilt? 

I say all this for a few reasons. One, I love John Lennon. I appreciate all the good he did for the world not just as a musician and an artist but also his advocacy and charity work. I love him, and a part of me will always love him, but observing the change in discourse has enlightened me as a historian. Part of my job is to observe people’s legacies, and John’s is perhaps the most interesting legacy I’ve ever observed. When he died, he was hailed as a saint. But tall poppy syndrome set in, and the antis started. This culture grew and grew to the point where it seems to, at least among the younger generation, taken over the sainthood. 

But as a historian and a fan, I have never seen the saint or the devil. I’ve only seen the man, the incredibly flawed man. The thing that these antis never understand is that John Lennon was painfully aware of his own flaws to the point where it made him all the more self-destructive. In essence, his past mistakes caused him to make additional mistakes. But John, aware of his own flaws, always tried to change and was often successful. I’ve talked about this before, but John demonstrated that he was capable of being a good person, like properly so, again and again. After he struck Cynthia, he never hit her again. His shortcomings as a father to Julian weren’t repeated with Sean. He worked on his drinking, his drug addiction, and his anger, trying to overcome those demons till the day he died. By all accounts, the John Lennon that died in 1980 is not the John Lennon who struck Cynthia Powell at school. That John Lennon was living a cleaner, healthier life. He was a better father to both his sons by that point, and was trying to repair his relationship with Julian. He was a good husband to Yoko and saw himself living a long and happy life. 

John Lennon cannot and should not be boiled down to just his flaws. It’s one thing as a fan to acknowledge that John is a flawed human being (news flash: they all are), but he is also much bigger than that. 

So once again, why am I writing this long, rambling post, once again talking about John Lennon’s virtues? Because if I can’t engage with healthy discourse about the Beatles and John Lennon, then I can’t engage with discourse on the topic at all. So, I probably will post less Beatles stuff because I find it hard to go through the tags or even my dash (well, I can’t really go through my dash anymore for other reasons I’m not going to get into right now). If any of my followers have noticed a lot of Taron posts lately, it’s not just because I love Taron, it’s because Taron’s  tag is pretty much the only location on tumblr I feel 100% comfortable in. Any foray into John or the Beatles tags becomes uncomfortable and guilt-ridden quickly. 

So, I probably will post less about the Beatles until I can find a blog or a tag that doesn’t give me bad vibes. My fandom will likely outgrow tumblr and the internet. I have a ton of Beatles books; maybe I’ll rely on those. I am doing official scholarly research on them now. Maybe that will be my outlet. I’m sorry if I post less about them now, but it’s really for my own well-being. 

[okay-what-if-rumir]

What if, after the curse was broken, the kings regained their human form, but whenever they got mean they turned into plants?

The Two Princes Discord likes to refer to the old kings as “The Bastard Kings” WBK = Western Bastard King, EBK = Eastern Bastard King.

 Like a time-out

I feel like they'd just constantly be plants

I wonder if Rupert would carry his plant-dad around hoping to rehabilitate him

Rupert's always so optimistic

And all his life he's been imagining his dad as this great guy - I don't think he would give up on that so easily

They'd meet a new person, Rupert holds up a potted daffodil: "This is my dad, he's not always a plant but generally he is because he doesn't know how to be nice yet, but we're working on it."

He points to a potted daisy: "And that's Amir's dad, we're running into the same problem with him, but Amir and Atossa don't seem as keen on trying to help him so I've taken it upon myself to help him too. This is part of his rehabilitation, they've gotta be nice to new people. Say hi, dads!"

The plants start shaking their leaves and a muffled grumbling seems to echo from them.

Rupert, grinning: that's so much better guys! You're going to be back to having fingers and toes again in no time!

Yes!

They sit in a preschool classroom where the kids are learning to share and play nicely with each other

Rupert goes back to his and Amir's chambers one night all mopey and Amir asks what's wrong and Rupert mutters something about how WBK got turned into a plant again after telling one of the girls that he didn't like her pigtails and making her cry, and then EBK also got turned into one because he was laughing

And they had been doing so well!

Sure, WBK's compliments had been passive aggressive at best, but he was trying!

And sure, EBK would just add the word "don't" to all his sentences like "I don't want to strangle you right now" when you could tell he really did want to.

But there was PROGRESS there!

Rupert's so proud that they're attempting at all

Rupert constantly has to try to keep Lavinia from planting WBK in some random spot in the woods

Atossa just keeps EBK in a closet for like a week until Rupert finds out.

Rupert can't find them one day and he's like Moooooms?

And they look all guilty and are hiding garden trowels behind their backs.

Amir, trying to be a good husband, walks up the hall behind them with two plants clutched by their stems, dropping dirt everywhere with roots kicking all over the place and the plants making vaguely threatening noises and just shoves the two plants roughly into some pots while he himself is grumbling about how they're more trouble than they're worth.

He knows it's Rupert's pet project and wants to be supportive

Rupert's off to the side berating their mothers for not helping them progress

Talking about leading by example

But at the same time he's not too upset with them because he knew they weren't treated the best by their husbands.

Yah no. He's like I get it, but maybe just leave them alone?

Also, they're obviously super opposed to the boys' relationship, and they mostly just see Rupert but not the two of them together, but then some days they both come into the preschool class to read to the kids and they an see how in love they are with each other.

At first they're totally in denial, but slowly grow to accept it.

Their grumbling on that topic gets to be less and less

They never admit that they accept it

They still grumble occasionally but usually something along the lines of "he shouldn't have gotten you flowers, those are useless, he should've gotten you a sword then you could learn to defend yourself!"

I love that. That honestly makes me smile so big

And you can't tell me that they didn't spend 18 years together as a single tree and not become begrudging best friends.

OMG YES

They're super sarcastic and snarky with each other, but they know each other so well.

They're constantly seen together when in human form and they're always grumbling but they're both insanely proud of their sons even if they won't say it out loud and it's one of the few things they can agree on.

Love that.

They always get turned back into plants together when one does something mean and poof! And then the other delights in the first's distress - poof!

Then the one who got turned into a plant first laughs at the second.

And cue more sarcastic bickering.

One of the knights will find them in the middle of the hallway as plants just laughing at each other and then sigh before picking them up and depositing them with Rupert who takes them back to the preschool class.

EBK starts to really see how kind Rupert is, he says something about it to WBK in a rare moment of sincerity.

WBK grumbles that he should be strong and tough instead.

But for the kindness, EBK poofs back into a human while plant!WBK sits there and stews

But then like an hour later (EBK has long since walked off) WBK silently turns back into a human (because he realized he was grateful for Rupert's kindness as well)

Yes

Of course it doesn't last and they're back in their pots by the end of the day. But it was REAL progress!

Rupert tries to figure out what made them go back to human but neither of them want to admit it.

They just blush and change the subject.

I love the idea of them just randomly turning into plants because they had a mean thought or something. (Like a real mean thought - not an intrusive one)

Like, it just appears super random to the people around, but everyone is used to it by now.

"Where'd that plant come from?" "oh, it's just one of the former kings. Don't worry about it, it happens all the time."

Everyone just pulls pots from their sleeves and scoops them up.

It's become common for everyone to carry around flower pots all the time

The first time Rupert has the plants, he's carrying around the kings in plant form and reprimanding them and everyone is super confused and they think Rupert has lost it, but eventually they don't even give him a second glance when it happens.

People turning to do a double take and running into each other, progresses to everyone carrying flower pots and knowing how to talk them through different breathing exercises.

Sometimes the queens will just carry them around by their stems and it's the equivalent of carrying an animal by its scruff and it's utterly humiliating for them.

They get all uppity about their petals being ruffled

They constantly have competitions over who makes the prettier plant.

They get super angry as plants and just start shaking and some of their petals/leaves fall off.

They're like "Oh no! look what you made me do!" But getting mad at the other one just makes it worse

So then they're like "Okay, deep breaths… what did Rupert say? In through the nose two three four, out through the mouth two three four." Then the other's like making fun of them for trying to calm themselves down, but one of his leaves turns yellow and he's hyperventilating.

The queens stopped taking them to the compost heap or putting them in the closet. But now they'll go plant them in a flower bed with a bunch of the same type of flowers so it's hard to find them.

They spend a whole two days there once and they get some good meditation time in.

Rupert spend at least an hour trying to find them because Lavinia won't tell him where she planted them because "they'll turn human again eventually"

Omg. WBK walks in after being missing for a few days and just wordlessly hugs Rupert

Omg yes. And Rupert is confused but hugs back anyway.

Lavinia's all like "I told you." but she's actually softened by the display.

Rupert: Okay Dad, think of something nice to say to Dad. EBK: I'm not your father! Rupert: Oh honey, you were at the wedding. I don't know what else to tell you, but I'm your son now. WBK. You're no son of mine either! Rupert: sigh Dad, do we really need to go over this again? Now, there's lots of other ways to go about this, but in your case: when two people love each other very much, and one of those people happens to have a uterus, and the other… Both Bastard Kings: NOOOO! Not again! Wait! Uh, your leaves are looking very nice today! Very green! Please make him stop!

Did someone say "bastard plants on roller skates?"

(art by @spoopdeedoop​)

Porridge you sneaky sneak!

He found them sitting in the hallway and sent them off on an adventure.

Porridge what have you done!

(art by @oftheflamingheart​)

WBK: I bet my mulch I go farther than you! EBK: You’re on!

@cloudcover23​ @fwufferson​ @nyx-dragon​ @spoopdeedoop​ @oftheflamingheart​

[hongjoongpresent]

Hi, Dani. I would like to know how to properly write psychotics since the way the media portrays them is very ableist and I think psychotics deserve good representation.

Oh. Uhhhhhhhh ive never been asked for help or anything like this before?? Uhhhh man idk. Disclaimer: im stupid and dont know anything about writing. Also: i only have my own experiences with being psychotic and i obviously cant speak for every single psychotic person lol.

Ok uh. I would say try to avoid a split personality serial killer trope. Please PLEASE dont do what danganronpa did to toko thats all hah. Also try to avoid pulling a korekiyo? So basically. Try not to literally tell your viewer/reader that "this person is strange and different meaning this person is creepy and i dont wanna be around them" which i felt was sorta the goal with korekiyo (SORRY FOR USING DANGANRONPA EXAMPLES BUT ITS THE BEST I GOT OK)

Ummm ok *thinks* fun psychotic things TM definitely include (at least for me! Ntot everyone obvs):

Spiders or bugs under your skin. Im pretty sure this is basically universal for psychotics since ive seen MANY PEOPLE talk about this. But its a very common delusion where it feels or even sounds like there are bugs or spiders under your skin (yuh its terrifying XD)

That one hallucination dude that just kinda stands in the corner?? Idk he whispers a lot (like. Speak the fuck up or SHUT the fuck up real.) And he doesnt really have a face or anything he just kinda stands there and either comforts you or insults you (its like being in a toxic relationship but its literally in your head so you cant leave <3)

Hyperfixations on people. Of course many many MANY neurodivergent disorders include hyperfixations, but im talking PEOPLE. I have trust issues. But when i do truly trust someone OH BOY i be thinking about them CONSTANTLY

Intrusive thoughts. Many people can have them sure but ive never met a psychotic person who didnt have intrusive thoughts. Think of things like. Stabbing someone. Randomly pushing or punching someone. Hitting someone with a chair. Kissing or even having sex with someone. (Literally anyone. Ive. Literally had intrusive thoughts about having sex with teachers. Not even attractive teachers or anything just. Normal people.) HOWEVER keep in mind... we dont usually ACT on these. Its not like "o i had a thought about stabbing my brother im gonna dtab my brother now".

PROBLEMS SLEEPING!!!! Because of reasons like. Thinking about the future or an idealized version of the future, thinking about what the Real World would be like once i leave this fake world. Or because the walls are breathing (why do they do that lmao?) Or some random hallucination decides to talk to you out of nowhere. Stuff like that.

Nothing feeling real. Life is a simulation and nothing matters anyway. Everyone in this world is not even really a person. Theyre just computer generated to make me believe its the real world but i know its not. Everything revolves around me this world is built around me. Everything that happened before i was here is just made up and never actually happened. Or at least it didnt matter. Im the main character in this video game.

Auditory hallucinations!! Theyre the worst tbh. Screaming, random crying, mean laughter (why is it never anything fun ughhhh). Usually, i try to ignore auditory hallucinations by listening to music with my earplugs in.

Man sorry for making this post really long but. Im not good with advice?? These are purely my own experiences!! Just. Try to avoid making them the butt of the joke or the Weird Unlikable Character TM.

[schizopositivity]

i’m pretty sure i have schizophrenia but my voices aren’t audible most of the time like i can tell they’re in my head but they just sound louder and are commands? is this something people experience? i do have audible ones quite frequently though, just not my command hallucinations

from what little i know of your experience from this description it sounds more like intrusive thoughts to me. the difference between auditory hallucinations and intrusive thoughts is generally its said that auditory hallucinations sound like they are coming from outside your head and intrusive thoughts come from inside your head. and for me atleast most if not all of my intrusive thoughts are commands. but i think both can be not audible just sounds. another destinction is auditory hallucinations are other peoples voices (maybe people you know maybe random people). while intrusive thoughts are usually your own voice (although saying things you arent conciously, or wanting to think) kind of like an internal monolouge. i know it can be tricky to understand the difference if you dont experience both, people i know irl call their intrusive thoughts "the voices" and act like they are the same as hallucinations. but for me another way of telling is with auditory hallucinations, my gut reaction is to look around to see where its coming from, because i hear it just like i would hear anyone actually talking to me. but for intrusive thoughts i know right away that its coming from my head and i dont look around.

another thing to note is, even if you do for sure have auditory hallucinations, that alone isnt enough symptoms for a schizophrenia diagnosis. you can look up the dsm5 criteria for schizophrenia spectrum disorder. also i know that a lot of other disorders have audiory hallucinations as a common symptom like bipolar and pstd for example. even full on psychosis itself isnt enough to meet a schizophrenia diagnosis, because psychosis is just one part of it.

i hope im not coming across as rude or like im gatekeeping hallucinations or psychosis. if anything i would love if more people had the resources to get a schizophrenia diagnosis. but i think its important that people get the most accurate and updated information about schizophrenia symptoms, understand what symptoms also appear in other disorders, and know about things that seem the same, but upon further research are very different.

i think it would benefit you to research intrusive thoughts, because you will see how common it is and that you arent alone in your experiences. and to see if the definitions and descriptions align with your experience. if not, then look into auditory hallucinations more and youll see that it is also pretty common in a lot of different people with different disorders. and if you are curious you can look into the definition of schizophrenia and all the symptoms that are a part of it.

i know hearing unwanted/command voices in your head can be very distressing. i have a friend with GAD who for him, the intrusive thoughts are the hardest of his symptoms to deal with. i hope you are able to manage your symptoms and get professional help with finding a diagnosis.

[justkeeptrekkin]

OCD! What the fuck is it? WELL-

Recently, I started to find out more about OCD and what it means. It was with research that I realised that I fit into the criteria- I’m now talking to my therapist about how to work on my more distressing obsessions and compulsions. 

There’s still a very strong voice in my head that i’m making this up, that i’m being a self-diagnosing idiot (that’s anxiety for you!), even though I have my therapist’s support. But the truth is: the reason I feel that way is because I spent so long misunderstanding OCD, that it seems impossible that I could have it. There is almost no real awareness of what OCD means. 

OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Obsessions and compulsions can be many, many different things. 

Obsessions= the thoughts 

Compulsions= the subsequent behaviours 

Compulsions 

Let’s start with compulsions, since these are the things that people notice first about an OCD sufferer.

1. Common Compulsions/Behaviours

The most well-known compulsions that you might come across:

Checking

Tidying and cleaning

Rearranging objects

Washing/grooming yourself 

These are the compulsions that you’ll SEE. You see them on telly. You’d expect to see these in someone with OCD. Everyone does some of these things to some extent- which is how you get people being like

“OMG I’M sooooooo ocd ahahaha”

Not only does that trivialise the intense anxiety and suffering that people with OCD go through, it’s also just like. Wrong. 

2. The Undiscussed Compulsions

It’s the huge lack of awareness and misunderstanding of how OCD works that means that it wasn’t until a few months ago that I found out that these are also examples of compulsions:

Over-apologising

Constantly seeking reassurance

Mental compulsions/punishments

guilt-tripping yourself

special words repeated

special prayers repeated in a particular way

going over past events over and over (perhaps trying to convince yourself that you’ve done something terrible)

Avoiding places or situations

Collecting/hoarding

Counting

Bodily habits such as rubbing skin, or dermatillomania (which is when you obsessively pick at your skin)

Being overly-superstitious (eg. if I don’t salute that single magpie, I’ll get in a car accident)

Compulsions can be covert. That means, they can be mental- like praying to yourself obsessively in your head- so no one else witnesses them. An example of overt compulsions, that is a habit that is physical/seen, is tidying. 

“Typically, the individual experiences a sense of resistance to the act but this is overridden by the strong, subjective drive to perform the action. Most often the principal aim behind the compulsive behaviour is to generate relief (usually only temporary) from the anxiety elicited by the preceding obsession.”

Obsessions

Now that we’ve talked about the compulsions, the things that people might see in their OCD suffering friends and family: all these behaviours/compulsions are all caused by obsessions. 

1. Common Obsessions

Sometimes, an obsession is seeing something and your monkey brain saying THAT DOESN’T LOOK RIGHT. IT’S WRONG. VERY WRONG. so you get a huge bout of anxiety and uneasiness- maybe feelings that something will go wrong if you don’t fix it immediately. So then you have to fix it somehow- maybe tidying or rearranging or cleaning. (These are the compulsions.)

This is probably the most well known obsession associated with OCD. I get this a little bit, but not a lot, which is why I didn’t realised I had OCD till like, last week.

There are so many ways that OCD manifests. They are very often to do with an anxiety, or fear about:

Contamination

harm/being unsafe

body/physical symptoms

symmetry and ‘perfection’

Feeling that you have done, or will do something bad (for example that you’re going to cause an accident whilst driving, or that the thing you did three years ago will get you arrested)

These all can overlap with each other. A fear of being unsafe is linked to a fear that something bad will happen, for example.

2. Intrusive Thoughts As Obsessions

BUT HERE’S THE BIGGEST MISUNDERSTANDING ABOUT OCD: WE ALSO GET INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, AND OBSESS OVER THEM. 

Intrusive thoughts are weird, random, sometimes violent thoughts that just pop into your head seemingly out of nowhere. For example: “Hey, how about we just like drop kick that toddler lol” or “how about we stand up in the middle of this silent meeting and shout BOLLLOOOOCCCCKKKKS”

Now, everyone gets intrusive thoughts, to some extent. We tend to look at that thought and go

- and then move on. 

So like, people with OCD can’t just move on. We obsess over the thought. We wonder why we got the thought; we punish ourselves for the thought; we avoid particular situations for fear that we’re going to act out the thought; we give the thought weight. We develop compulsions to negate the thought. 

Examples that cause OCD sufferers intense distress and recur, are thoughts of the following nature:

Violence (towards yourself or others)

Sexual

of being a pedophile

of assaulting someone

of cheating

of incest

of being homosexual/straight when you aren’t

Suicidal thoughts (this is not the same as planning suicide. If you are planning your suicide in detail rather than suddenly experiencing a distressing thought about it, then you should call Samaritans xxxx)

That you’re about to hurt someone (such as accidentally poisoning someone)

The way that these intrusive thoughts work tends to be self-sabotaging. It’s your mind’s way of identifying what you care about most, and trying to ruin it for you. For example, a mother might have the sudden, unwanted thought of throwing their baby out of a window. Or, a parent/guardian/teacher might have the intrusive thought that they could be a pedophile.  There could be many reasons why your mind does this, and the triggers are personal. Each OCD person should discuss these thoughts with their counsellor or therapist to find out what the route of this thinking is. 

3. Do I Have OCD? Does My Friend/Family Member Have OCD?

The main thing to remember for anyone out there who suffers intrusive thoughts is: these thoughts don’t mean that you are what they say you are. It’s kind of the opposite. Because if they disgust you and cause you so much distress, it means that you are desperately, urgently NOT that thing. Intrusive thoughts telling you that you want to sleep with a family member, for example, doesn’t mean that you actually want to. Your OCD brain has identified something/someone you care about, and is trying to ruin it for you. 

“To sufferers and non-sufferers alike, the thoughts and fears related to OCD can often seem profoundly shocking. It must be stressed, however, that they are just thoughts, and they are not voluntarily produced. Neither are they fantasies or impulses which will be acted upon.”

About me:  Obsessions: I have every single one of those intrusive thoughts, a lot. I get them when I’m particularly stressed; I get them when I’m in a really good place, and my mind is trying to ‘save myself’ from failure/rejection by ruining it. I also get the feeling of intense dread that I’ve done something wrong: even though I can’t think of a single reason why I would. I obsess over flu/cold symptoms, thinking I have meningitis. I obsess over my spending. I obsess over not being comfortable in bed, specifically my duvet (it’s not in the right place, it’s not symmetrical, the duvet isn’t in the corners properly....) I obsess over the presence of a person next to me in a bed; regardless of who it is, it gives me intense anxiety if I’m sharing a bed. Honestly- not many people have witnessed my physical/tidying obsessions because they’re all routed in sleeping habits and beds.  My compulsions range from over-apologising, seeking reassurance, dermatillomania, over-counting my finances and spending, guilt-tripping myself, praying in A Particular Way Or Satan Will Find Me, repeating mantras, going over past events at every angle until I want to cry because I’ve made myself feel so guilty about something that wasn’t actually my fault. And messing with my bed until it looks like I’m lying under a perfectly straight, unwrinkled sheet of paper. And also kicking people out of my bed, or sleeping on the floor to avoid sharing. 

If you think you display some of the above in this post, you may or may not have OCD! Either way, you are not alone.

If you know someone who displays some of the above, listen to them. Try not to judge them. Try not to give them reassurance that their intrusive thoughts will never come to fruition: as odd as that sounds, that tends to fan the flame of the compulsions, rather than help. 

Go forward and be free. Lots of love. x <3

[nagichi-boop]

hey there! i have a few questions i'm confused about related to ocd. i'm not diagnosed with ocd but i do have anxiety (health and general anxiety) and when i asked my therapist regarding this, she said it didn't point towards ocd. so here i am bcs i wanna learn where to draw the line.

i've been having a anxious period for the last two weeks. so mostly what if intrusive thoughts like "what if my anxiety never recovers?" keep coming a few times but i can deal with them.

however, last week i read a post and after that, a certain word started popping up in my mind. it was bothersome at first but then i eventually got over it. but then a random person told me it sounds like ocd and i got anxious about that.

now the word barely pops up but when it does, it doesn't bother me. however, what makes me anxious is the "what if its ocd?" thought. i know it sounds weird but rather than actually having other intrusive thoughts, the thought that's making me anxious the most is "since i have/had a word in my mind, it indicates ocd."

my therapist says it could've been ocd in case it was the word (and other words/thoughts) that bothered you but instead what's causing you distress is the what if its ocd thought as in i've self diagnosed myself and my anxiety brain is making me believe it. she said that it points more towards anxiety.

but now i find myself questioning every one of my habits. like does me choosing/preferring certain colors over others, buying/using only light colored cloth hangers bcs they look more positive, finding one side of bed better than other, praying everyday bcs i don't like skipping it, sitting at the end of the table or just me wanting to stick to my schedule, are these compulsions? or are these just habits and preferences? these choices don't impact my life in any way nor do they make me anxious and i can change those up easily but now, i find myself questioning them.

i'm sorry if you find this bothering you. that was not my intention. i just had some questions as to where do we draw the line between daily habits and ocd compulsions? or even between anxiety what ifs (like what if i have xyz disease?) and ocd obsessions/compulsions?

thank you and sending lots of love ❤

Hey, thanks for the ask! And dw you’re not bothering me. <3

I’m gonna start off by saying I’m not a professional - heck, I am not even diagnosed with ocd and I still on and off doubt that I have it - so I’m by no means the authority on what is and isn’t ocd, but I can try offer my opinion?

I’m not entirely sure how much research you’ve done into ocd and I still myself struggle to know what is and isn’t a sign of ocd. The constant wondering if the thing is ocd could be rumination, which is I believe a type of compulsion, but I can’t say for certain whether that’s directly a result of ocd.

The things you listed in that one paragraph I suppose could be ocd, but since you said it doesn’t cause you anxiety it’s possible it’s also not. To my knowledge, compulsions are usually done out of a state of anxiety. For example, someone who has a hand washing compulsion will find it deeply uncomfortable and anxiety inducing to not wash their hands when the desire pops up. I don’t really think that if it’s related to ocd that you can easily just change them, but again I’m not an expert. It’s an uncontrollable intrusive thought that leads to the action rather than a matter of preference. I guess it kinda depends why you do them. Do you pray every day because that’s your routine or because you’re worried that if you don’t something bad will happen?

Ocd is marked by obsessions, compulsions and intrusive thoughts. So someone might have something like “if I don’t flick the light switch 7 times, my whole family will die”, and so they have to do the compulsion of flicking the light switch to relieve that anxiety. There’s also a subtype of ocd called Pure O (or Pure Obsessional), who do has a misleading name because you still get compulsions, they’re just more internal. For example, you might worry “what if I have cancer” and then you think about it a lot, research the symptoms online, ask people if they’ve noticed anything, etc.

The only thing I can suggest is perhaps doing more research? I mean for me personally researching is part of my problem - I crave certainty and so I research different mental health disorders for hours a day in hopes it’ll give me an answer (which it doesn’t besides maybe some temporary relief). Try looking up different types of ocd, see examples of different obsessions and compulsions, maybe check tags on Tumblr or even reach out to ocd specific accounts if they have asks or smth open. I’ve learned a lot from just sending people messages asking about it and hearing other people’s experiences with it. Maybe you could even write down things that you think could be symptoms, then maybe bring them up with your therapist? Say that it’s been worrying you and you’d like to talk through it? I don’t have a therapist so idk how it works, sorry

I’m sorry if this answer isn’t helpful. Again, I’m not a professional or even diagnosed with ocd, so most of my knowledge is based on researching the symptoms I personally seem to have. You’re welcome to dm me if you like, but I think there are probably people who would be way more helpful to talk to. ^^;;

Perhaps if anyone who has ocd sees this they can offer some input? Maybe comment, reblog or leave an ask? (Again, I’m rly sorry for not being able to provide a better answer.)

[dukeofonions]

How do you feel about the upload schedule for sanders sides? It’s been 10 months since the last proper episode. Also, I read a post on another blog about how they feel him hiring his friends leads to a slower production process due to messing around. Thoughts on that? Also also, do you think that since YT is his job, he should upload more? these are things I am thinking of tonight.

Not to worry anon, these are things I think about a lot because I have nothing better to do with my life. 

Seeing as I joined the fandom shortly after Can Lying Be Good? came out, the longest my first wait for a new episode wasn’t that long actually. The video came out in February but I didn’t see it until early March. The next episode Logic vs Passion, came out in April. So it didn’t bother me much. And right after that we got Crofters: The Musical so I was on the hype train and fully invested. 

Then we didn’t get another episode until October which left me a bit antsy, but I was still excited anyway and didn’t mind the wait. Embarrassing Phases then came out that December. So we got two videos within a fairly short time span. 

SVS Part 1 came out that next year in March, again, bit of a wait, but it’s becoming standard now that we get a couple of new episodes every few months. No biggie. We get Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts in June, Asides in November... This newest one just came out now in May... 

Yeah, if we hadn’t been given that Asides, we would have had almost a year-long wait for this next episode. And we did have a year-long wait for the follow up to a video that honestly, kinda made me think “Why do we still care about this? I’m not really invested in the “Wedding or callback” dilemma anymore” which, when you’re trying to tell a story using this medium, the last thing you want is your audience to lose interest in something that’s meant to be this big of an event within the series. 

And what do all these videos have in common? Each one uses some kind of gimmick. CLBG and SVS had them filming in different locations, Logic vs Passion, LNTAO, and POF involved them using different mediums to tell the story (animations and puppets) Crofters and DWIT both had music in them, and Embarrassing Phases had the costumes. 

Before that, the videos were all fairly simple. Maybe a few gimmicks here and there, but none of them went to the same level as these other ones. 

Basically, what’s happening here is that with each new episode, the team is trying to bring something new to the table each time, and their solution is to use a different gimmick. Which, in theory, is fine. But I honestly believe these are doing more harm than good. For one thing, not everyone is a fan of these gimmicks and while sometimes they can be used to benefit the story, other times they just take over and the writing suffers for it. 

The main reason (as far as we know) that this newest episode in particular took so long was because of the video game animations they wanted to use, but after watching the video besides a few instances, they really weren’t necessary to have. 

And I plan to make a whole other post on this topic so I’ll leave it there for now. In regards to Thomas hiring more of his friends to work on episodes? Again, it’s good in theory, but I for one have noticed a certain change in the episodes since they brought on more writers, which officially started with Embarrassing Phases where Thomas said in the live stream following it that it was the first episode he really didn’t work on and it shows (but more on that in another post) I do think the other writers are talented people, but maybe all of them shouldn’t be working on Sanders Sides. 

Each one is gonna have their own preferences for each character and ideas that may clash, and if these were simply coworkers, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem shutting down ideas that go too far. But when they’re literally all your friends, you have that connection to them and you don’t want them hurt, which can make saying “No” to certain things much harder. I’m not sure exactly how the writing team gets along so I can only speculate based on what I’ve learned from live streams. 

As for their inclusion making the production for videos longer, I can also understand that seeing as you’re more inclined to goof off with people you’re close and comfortable with, especially when you’re not in a professional setting. Which, in Thomas’ case, he’s usually at home with his friends around. This automatically makes things more casual and one would feel more relaxed and not worry too much about being serious. Which, when you’re trying to get things done, can be a problem.

I’m gonna briefly use my own workplace as an example: I work in fast food, and all of my coworkers get along really well. We like to joke around and have fun, especially when we’re slow. But as soon as things start picking up it’s like a switch is flipped and we go from “Fun mode” to “work mode” just like that. Sure, we might continue to quip and joke with each other. But we never let it take precedence over the work that needs to be done. Some of our coworkers, don’t understand this. And when the rest of us are trying to work, they’re still goofing off. And in fast food, if just one person isn’t doing their job, it can bring everything crashing down. We have customers waiting in line for almost ten minutes, they get angry, they get mad at us, even if it’s just because of one person not doing their job. But we don’t have time to argue. We accept their complaints and do our best to fix the issue and get things moving again. 

Obviously, what Thomas does is very different from working in fast food, but Youtube is still his job. Logan puts it best in LNTAO, “Thomas made a commitment to regularly sharing content. He must be held accountable.” 

Now in fast food, we are most definitely held accountable by the customers if their food isn’t delivered in a timely manner or isn’t made to their liking, and we as the providers of said product, have to heed their words and make the product to their liking in order to ensure their satisfied. If they’re not satisfied, they won’t want to pay. Simple as that. 

Thomas, on the other hand, is never held accountable by his fanbase. Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing for him to have such a supportive fandom, heck I wish the customers I had to deal with on a regular basis were as understanding. But honestly, the way the majority of this fandom blindly follows Thomas and holds him on this golden pedestal is... 

Kinda creepy... 

He is surrounded by constant praise, hardly any criticism, and I believe that’s why we hardly get content from him. 

Quick note, I understand that part of why this video in particular was delayed due to the pandemic and I respect their decision to not put themselves or anyone else at unnecessary risk for the sake of a Youtube video.  However, plenty of Youtubers are still making and posting regular content on their channels despite this. To me, the main issue with Thomas’ content as of late is that he tries to put too much into what should be simple things. I understand wanting to give your audience the very best, but honestly, in my opinion, his newer content isn’t as good as the older stuff. It all had just such a simple, wholesome charm to it, that’s now been replaced with a fancier production and flashy editing. Not only that, they tend to start way too many projects at once, which result in never getting done.

You guys remember when they said they’d be bringing back Story Time Madlibs? That was last year, and the most recent thing we’ve heard about it is that they want to add more to it by including animations made by different people! Which will only increase the amount of time it will take to make what should have been a simple video that shouldn’t have taken more than a couple of weeks to film, edit, then post. 

I’m not saying they shouldn’t try new things, but they’ve been trying to do so much that we end up getting nothing, and the fandom just seems okay with this. 

At the end of the day though, this is just one opinion from a random faceless, nameless person sitting behind a computer screen. I doubt anyone on Thomas’ team will see it. I doubt a majority of the fandom would agree with any of it. But with more people starting to voice their opinions, it’s only a matter of time before it becomes too much of a thing to ignore. And if it becomes apparent that there’s a group in the fandom that is being ignored, that’s definitely going to cause problems.

Because in short if someone is out there, producing content for people, and they have complaints about it, then if those complaints are legitimate and can be fixed, then I believe it is the responsibility of that person to consider what they are saying and do their best to heed their words. If no one is ever criticized, then how will they ever improve? Criticism is not a bad thing. And once people get that out of their heads I think things will go much smoother for this fandom. But honestly, that’s just wishful thinking at this point. Sorry this answer got so long, I really should have just made a whole other post about this. XD