#just a little smth to post while i worked on my other piece LOL

[yeehawpim]

What's your process in making comics

And how do you make something so good with such a simple art style!? 🥺

(if this has been asked before could you send a link to the post?)

Alright so ive been sitting on this ask b/c I already know it's a long answer aflskdjf

Write dialogue/text down in my notes app Sometimes it's just me sitting there like hghghg as music plays and I stare at my phone for 10min. Usually it's 12am thinking about stuff while I'm in bed and I type some piece of dialogue down real quick. I'm nowhere near as comprehensive as comic script I've seen online that they give examples for, like there's no direction on what's happening in panels or anyth because it's just for myself and I just sort of remember composition ideas if I have them on the spot

Literally start drawing 😂 As previously said I sometimes go into comics with comp ideas already, like for this one I knew I was going to divide the page going in. Or like I know this is gonna be 4 panels and pretty static. Other stuff I fully wing it sentence to sentence because I can't bother with thumbnailing 😅 sometimes this bites me on the ass because I spend forever drawing smth I have to toss, but I've gotten better at doing stuff fast

I use photoshop, so for vertical comics I've been following this tutorial for years

Vertical comics are a lot easier to structure composition-wise for me, I started out making those because it was less intimidating

The red arrow is your eye direction as you read it. For me it's always the bottom of a page is one less boundary to worry about. You can be less precise if the reader is automatically drawn to looking down b/c they're scrolling and never sees a full page laid out. 😂 Also if I want to pace something slower/further down I don't have to worry about having to cram it in y'know?

This might be a weirdly specific thing to mention but I'm always thinking about it when I make comics because...

lol I gotta make up for being too lazy to spend more than 30 seconds drawing a character

jkjk but yeah my interests are more in slapping the story in my head on the page. I like doing compositions and writing stuff that interests me. I get tired when I spend too much time fiddling with stuff, so if I can get smth across with a rough estimation I'm happy. This does limit the type of stories that can be told cuz certain more rendered styles just work better when you're trying to convey certain things but! there's lots of things you can do drawing simply too!

there's defs more stuff out there that doesn't follow what I'm doing, lots of different styles. Eg American superhero comics are super text-heavy and boggle my mind. This is just what I like to do cuz I like reading way too much manga/webtoons lol

you don't have to be super technical to make comics! go out there and make one if you've got an idea!

if you want to of course haha

hope this explains my process a little (thank you for the compliment it means a lot 🤠🙏)

[neth-cactus]

iiiii ummm uhhh little drawings from the fic cus i fixated on my own writting jabsjwhdhe i have a looot to talk about so i will do it under the cut, the fic link will also be here

my girly pop, its weird posting stuff on ao3 but like shes there, the whole fic is me posting random little stuff i wrote on a whim so it will be noticeable dhbfjsjd also warning I might have made everyone a biiit out of character so im kinda sorry lols

now for fun notes and stuff about the chapters i did not add to the end notes

"The sun shines bright" not much to not other than after this clover's hand hurt for like a day and flowey bullied the peck out of them,,, also this is the only time flowey calls clover an idiot on this fic

"The flower pot incident" after the end clover spends like 10 minutes explaining everything about flowey, but he explains it like a little kid would, making it confusing as hell, so ceroba gives up and just like pats him and tells them to be good or smth, it was the same with everyone else

also bad quality comic of how the pot came to be

"What kind of milk were you?" the song came in as i was finishing the chapter and it fitted so well i named the chapter after it, as i mentioned it was me like poking gently to clover's life before the underground, his thought process was mostly thinking marlet was angry at them over doing the dishes in "secret" idk how to explain it but yeah :( poor little fella, also as noted at the end, flowey observed all happening and just like kept in mind

"Sewing back the pieces" I loved imagining how clover's room looked, and i had to include it, more joking around from the best friends, id like to think clover knows how to sew but they are just a bit clumsy with the needle, also those things are slippery...

"The calm before the mall" I feel proud about the title pun(? but this is also what i kind of meant with flowey keeping things on mind, by the time of this chapter a bit of time has passed of them living with humans, and flowey knows how stuff can be and how clover is a biiit shy so thats why the warning was persistent, it didnt work but meh

"Fertilizer is a fun word" IT IS A FUN WORD i love writing it lol, but seriously, i tried exemplifying more the thing of clover not speaking a lot so flowey does most of the talking for them, they do speak a bit but its short sentences and very quietly,

"You are just a boy, you are no man" this one will be long again the song fitted and it came on while writing the middle lol, clover does not know very well about the whole story with chara, but they do know that buttercups are meaningful in some sort of way for flowey so thats why they picked them, now is fun to note that the comments about their friends being monsters did bother clover but the one comment that like spilled the cup was the age one, that one hit deep and thats why they reacted that way, also the amount of people did not bother clover that much when they arrived but like the panic and stuff made them very aware of everyone around and med everything worse so ye, lastly, another time flowey calls someone idiot, this time dalv (sorry king)

i think thats all, if there's a specific choice yall are curios about feel free to tell me :3 i will probably have an answer for it

[furbygoblinxiv]

Ok now to be annoying about a completely different flavor of Zelda: That cartoon from the 80s that has aged so poorly I take psychic damage every time I watch it (which has been multiple times (I have problems)). A few months ago when rewatching and being sick of the Link's personality from the show (his best feature is how funny the "Well excuuuuse me, princess" line is) I was like "I wish the quiet kid from the games/art was here instead" and accidentally thought too hard and made an au/rewrite of the cartoon lmao.

Anyways Zelda cartoon au where cryptid boy Link saves the post apocalyptic Hyrule of loz 1 and chills in the castle with cartoon Zelda to defend the triforce pieces that they have while trying to find the last piece before Ganon can find it, stumbling across the sleeping loz 2 Zelda along the way lol. Hijinks ensue as he teaches Zelda the brawns to back up her girlboss and he gets an adventure buddy because its dangerous to go alone and Zelda with her boomerang and crossbow goes hard. I think a monster of the week style plot works for the earlier Zelda games, but an overarching plot could coexist with that since that is kinda how games work lol.

As per usual here are a bunch of slapdash barely related sketches of my ideas with my expanded thoughts below bc I think it'd be fun to share:

I look at the official art of Link being a quiet determined little dude with a backpack of tools and wish that that was represented more. Like look at him! What a guy! Imagine giving a quiet puzzle solving 14 year old a sword, lethal magical weapons, and a wasteland to explore! I would love a show about that! In terms of other characters, swap out that annoying fairy character, put in a Navi clone, at least Navi didn't have a crush on Link🤮. Ganon can stay the same so long as he was always a demon pig and was never a Gerudo man because unlike Nintendo, I do not want to imply that the only prominent man of color in the series has only one big braincell thats just screaming "EVIL" on loop. But! Keep Zelda the same, I love her so much in the cartoon, she's obnoxious in a slay girlboss way, maximum vibes. By virtue of not having a paper thin plot, most other characters that were fine get fixed by proxy.

I think plot wise? It takes place a few years after the first game. Initially, Link saved the royal family and they started rebuilding that area of Hyrule, and Link traveled around to help people. One day, Ganon's minions start making attacks on the castle to steal the triforce pieces back to revive him fully, and a Zelda who greatly admires Links steps up to defend the place. Eventually, Zelda requests Link return to help defend the castle while they search for the mysterious hidden third triforce piece in order to combine the full thing and wish for peace in Hyrule. Link agrees and the hyjinks begin.

IIRC the og Link backstory was that he was the son of the hyrulean queen and the elf king or smth? In the manga? I didn't want him to be hylian royalty but I wanted to keep that cryptid vibe, hence why I have him related instead to the great fairy and the kokiri. He just leaves the forest/cave one day with literally nothing to go save Hyrule, what a chad. I think it'd be funny if people describe Zelda as feral due to how boisterous and headstrong she is, especially out on the field, but Link is the quiet version of wild that you don't notice at first. She is openly intelligent and snarky in comparison to "says 3 lines a day, bombs first and asks questions later, explore under every rock and bush" forest kid Link.

It would be fun though if "rushes into danger" Zelda resonated more with the triforce of power and "solves dungeon puzzles for funsies" Link with the triforce of wisdom, then they both resonated with the triforce of courage upon finding it. idk tho lol

I also think two different young Zeldas coexisting with each other after one awoke from a cursed slumber would be really funny. Like that's gotta be so awkward, especially if one has the fighter girlboss slay up to 11 and the other just woke up from a coma to her family gone and her kingdom destroyed and just kinda wants to read books and drink tea in peace. Imagine being the same age or older than your great (great?) aunt. Or imagine if the old lady Impa nursemaid to Zelda 1 Zelda was the young Impa nursemaid to the Zelda 2 Zelda. Wild.

If I wasn't incapable of remembering to finish writing wips I'd write that series lol. Alas, this is all I can pull for now.

I'd love to call this propaganda to go watch the show but maybe don't because its yikes. This is moreso propaganda for someone to make a Zelda cartoon show instead of the movie that I sense Nintendo is plotting to make. Also, if you've read this far, I should mention I also will probably be posting art from some of my actual long term Zelda aus beyond just expanding on the cartoon, though I may continue to do that if my train of thought continues on these tracks.

[pleucas]

Would you ever consider doing a colouring tutorial?

Heyooooooo

I've done a coloring post before (a few months prior), but somehow, my coloring/painting process has changed a lot since then lol. I'll give a breakdown of my process (and go into specifics on coloring) here, but please do take it with a grain (or a spoonful) of salt... I'm still very much learning, and though you can use my process as a guide, experiment on your own to find what works for you! This post got a little long I'm ngl so. open at ur own risk. it's really just me rambling and being a bit too pretentious for my own good

using my recent post as an example, my process is basically just:

first i get a clean sketch (after many hours of pain finding detailed references lol), not gonna go into that since you asked abt coloring

then i immediately go to block out shapes over the sketch. For big paintings, I don't do lineart (because i find that it eliminates a lot of depth that can be achieved with shapes and shading) — for smaller sketches and pieces, i'll do lineart tho.

I started darker to lighter in this painting because I knew I wanted harsh light. For me, it's a lot easier to project "additions" onto a surface — ie, if there's a harsh light, that's the addition vs. a shadow in neutral lighting as the addition. dunno if that makes sense, but breaking tones down like that helps me understand how i want to chronologically color smth and choose my bases:

for example, since I knew I was gonna have harsh light here, I felt comfortable with just getting the tones for my shadows down immediately. There won't be many midtones due to how extreme I saw it to be, so there was no point in finding a neutral base tone.

how i choose colors varies from painting to painting, but for this one, I decided to lean purple-blue because skk are just one of many red and blue gays (same reason why most of my other skk works lean red-blue-purple), and also because I knew I wanted my light to be on the warmer side — thus, the shadows and unlit areas will be cooler.

i also wanted it to recede (to emphasize the perspective and for depth), so for the base colors, i made them cooler + darker as they went back. This wasn't as clear in the finished product, but i think it did a good job at reminding me the vibe i wanted as i rendered

By how much I've written for this step, I guess you can assume that it's the step I put the most consideration into — and you'd be right. I think base colors really determine the vibe, and it sets you up for the rest of the painting. Sometimes I have to color adjust my bases over and over (with hue adjustments, color balance, curves) until I'm satisfied. I think that satisfaction is obtained w/ more ease as I've painted more and more. Alongside the sketch, this step takes me quite a while. Sometimes it's fun to mess with really wild color combos, but that's another topic.

Then I block out the lighting, which is probably the most drastic step but also somehow the quickest for me. Once you understand how light affects color (warmth, tone, etc) and you gain confidence with it, blocking out values in relation to base tones isn't too hard. That ofc takes practice and a lot of fundamental understanding of Shapes & Colors but there's a lot of stuff online abt the theory specifically from professionals, so I'm not gonna lecture y'all as a fanartist for glorified literary author rpf

then i just start rendering, layer by layer. above is a screenshot i took mid-rendering; at this point, dazai's clothes were basically done but I later worked on the face + hair more and textured the tie.

I try to do the stuff I want people to focus on first, because at least for me, that's when I have the most energy to make smth detailed — the more detailed an area is, the more naturally drawn you eye is to it (this is because the brain likes areas of high contrast, and details are entirely founded on the placement of contrast).

My art has never been too extremely detailed — I enjoy flatter + bigger shapes, styled texturing and silly patterns, but I find that "detail" still translates into "effort". When I look at paintings, it's very clear where someone put most of their effort — and when I can't tell, then I know I have a very confident + experienced artist who can effectively distribute their workflow (goalz). So yeah, I render in my very silly poly style but still keep that in mind.

eventually, I finish rendering. This part is kinda a blur tbh, and it always varies from artist to artist. I'd say the things I keep in mind are:

shape + form (making sure my rendering doesn't mess up gesture or vibes, and that it keeps things loose)

composition (making sure i don't overdo areas where i don't want people to focus on)

and tone (ensuring that the depth and believability of the scene stays intact so that my non-realistic style can work)

I added the bullet because i wanted a reason for the goofy expressions, just a bit more pizazz so that skk's drama was also believable lol. also visual storytelling or whtv (but that's not something i usually prioritize, it mostly comes with the concept and sketch).

I also added the bullet for some compositional spice. the dark shadow on dazai's arms was there to also emphasize the warped perspective, but it also left a weirdly empty vibe that I didn't enjoy lol. So yeah, bullet! and ofc my favorite, weird flowy line pattern thing that doesn't adhere to the laws of physics

I think a lot of my traditional painting experience leaks into my digital painting practice. I don't like lineart too much, and since I mainly work with acrylic, I rely on opaque color blocks, layering, and "carving out" shapes. probably explains my affinity for solid flat brushes in Procreate,,,,, but yeah. It's a little all over the place, but at its core, it's a lot of technical stuff mixed with habits after finding what works for me.

Dunno if this helps at all, or if it was interesting lolol. Thank you for reading until the end if you're still here! I appreciate it. I'm still learning but I've definitely learned a lot since I started this blog so it's exciting to track my progress. I'm sure I'll see this in a few years and laugh lolol.

[voiceofsword]

hiii can i ask you about cannibal niki?? what ya think bout him?? (in theory, where Niki's parents were the ones who 'ate fish' in the cult of Shinkai!!) and if ya open to request can i see a lil rinniki kiss?? on cheeks or something like dat just a smol doodle🤲 (AND SORRY ABOUT MY ENG IDK HOW TO WRITE😭)

hello anon! putting this behind a readmore again bc it might be a little long (it is) but i assure you the doodle is at the end of the post! sorry if i sound at all hostile during any parts of this post i tried to look back and change the wording for a lot of things, but like that other long ass rinne post i made it's smth i feel very strongly about! 🙇

i’m gonna keep it real with you, i’m not particularly fond of that headcanon! i feel like i’ve mentioned it before, and i respect anyone who likes it, but i see it as sort of edginess with no concrete basis besides gags and a crucial main story scene (that i think disproves it), therefore i don’t rly like talking about it or discussing it. i’ll go on to explain where i think the origin for this headcanon lies, bc while i do think it’s something that can be extrapolated from the story, it’s not necessarily the “truth” behind niki’s parents, or him being a cannibal, or anything like that.

in the main story chapters 136-140 eichi goes on to explain crazy:b’s weak points: if worse comes to worst, alkaloid can use these points against them to take them down. in 139 specifically, eichi says that niki himself is hard to exploit — but they can use his father’s infamy to their favor. niki’s father was a famous chef known for his cooking tv programs. he had a period of popularity which was quickly ended when rumors were spread about him using human meat during one of his shows, and thus he was sworn to never be on tv again. 

you see, it’d be perfectly reasonable to assume niki’s father is a cannibal if eichi said this in all seriousness. however, taking context into account and how during this and the previous chapters eichi is going out of his way to make crazyb sound as bad as he feasibly can, it shows that this is their last resort and that the smear campaign needs to WORK. ES needs to make crazy:b look as bad as possible to make them give up. also eichi is kind of known for making his speech grandiose and generally making things sound more severe than they actually are, this is enstars 101. and even so, eichi himself softens the claim immediately afterwards, saying that these accusations were made at a time when tv stations were trying to get the idol industry back on its feet — they made that up, because they wanted to make sure there was no competition on the same network! and he follows that up with saying “yeah lol that’s pretty normal in this industry”. 

i won’t make any mention of the shinkai cult here because there rly is no ties except for…the cannibalism, i think? i also feel like what kanata talks about in meteor impact addresses something that may or may not have happened a long, long time ago, and at a very dire time rather than something reoccurring — and i doubt niki’s parents were even alive. i havent seen this spoken about anywhere else so im not sure where you’re coming from, sorry anon :( 

that aside, niki also seems to be at least somewhat aware of what happened, and the ramifications it had on his own life. you have to understand, niki’s parents left the country when these allegations started popping up, and niki’s been on his own since then — niki’s not stupid. if his parents didn’t tell him, he pieced it together himself. he knows what happened, and generally makes light of the situation and having to live on his own because that’s just how he is; these events have helped shape how niki is, on a fundamental level. but all of that aside, he more than anyone knows that his father would never do something like that, that all of it is baseless lies made to hurt him:

when i say these things shaped him, i mean that the incident has made him feel like, regardless of whether the allegations are true or not, his father caused a lot of trouble to many people. niki idolized his father — and seeing this happen to him, niki is left to think that he, too, is bound to cause people problems, both bc of this, and his constitution. he makes it a point to be like i don’t want to be like my father, again, not because of the cannibalism, but because the whole ordeal had very lasting repercussions on niki, on their family, perhaps even for any chef that might’ve pursued a similar career path to his father. i find it hard to believe that it was a one and done type thing; tabloid news and everything. he probably had his name run through the mud. 

niki consciously tries to not make trouble, he laughs off his insecurities, he tries not to take up too much space, even now. gotta keep his image clean but it's also like. obviously hes not really going out of his way to expose himself and be in the culinary world more than he needs to. he carries the weight of knowing his family name is taboo so that just kind of bleeds onto how he perceives himself and what he does — that coupled with his condition makes him feel like he deserves the bare minimum. bc of these things happening, i can also imagine his parents drilled the idea into his head before they left — to not cause trouble for others if it’s the last thing he does. kind of on the nose, niki does mention during one of the flashbacks that his father told him human meat is the one thing he must absolutely never do. which is like. well, yeah

also (tapping mic) part of the reason rinne causes so much trouble for him is because he wants niki to see that it’s ok to cause trouble for him back — that if niki goes out of his way to do stuff for him, even if begrudgingly, rinne can pay him back in kind. one of rinne’s main drives is that he wants to be able to dismantle this idea niki has in his head that he’s less deserving of good things because of his past, and his body. i’d even go as far to say that it’s an integral part of their relationship and both of their characters. um anyways

people are allowed to think or portray him however they want, of course, but i think saying that his father is a cannibal and thus niki is a cannibal too feels like completely dismissing parts of his character for the sake of making this otherwise “wholesome” person be more 'edgy' and perhaps aligning more to their tastes. i can’t police how people perceive him but i think a lot of where this stems from is wanting to have a character to project specific aesthetics onto, latching onto small bits of his story and lines without really looking at the full picture. 

niki tries so hard to be someone who can move past these allegations and still struggles with thinking that he can do what he likes lest he be like his father, so, idk. i personally don’t like to engage w/ or see these interpretations. to each their own!

also as to why niki makes jokes about eating people and it’s somewhat a recurring gag with him: well personally i think he’s just a little weird. it’s done in a cutesy playful way like "omg u smell so good i could eat you right up!" and its more like... a compliment. (esp coming from him w his rly good sense of smell and taste) yeah its joking abt eating ppl but not joking abt cannibalism itself its all theoretical eating. (have u never joked about wanting to eat someone up…or wanting to bite ppl.. i think it’s kind of like that. it’s just that they juice him for the bit)

also to thank you for your patience. here’s the doodle ♡

[lqfiles]

heyy uhm thjs is my first time sending these kind of things and i js wanted to say that i really really reallyyyyy love stg, i've been reading it since chapter 10ish? but started following at about 20ish (srry abt that) and ik it doesn't mean much coming from an anonymous person but it makes me very happy (and PROUD) to see how many people are reading it now and how many asks you get :) overall im js immensely proud of you and your work

again ik it does not mean much coming from an anon but still you have no idea how great my days get when i get notis from your acc replying to questions or anons (cause i've figured it usually mean that you'll upload another chapter) ANYWAYS i've been struggling a LOT these few months, and one of the only things I seriously look up to is stg, so again, thank you SO so much :(

you don't even have to reply to this or anything (bc tbh i wouldn't know what to say either lol) but i would appreciate it if you could at least read it and know just how much power your ideas and writing actually have <3

also not sure if 50 was the last chapter (?) i was planning on writing smth like this when the smau ended BUT ITS WHATEVER RLLY !! anyways i will never be able to thank u enough for taking your time in this and genuinely putting effort and feelings on it, you are amazing !!

also im from Chile so idk if i made any mistakes while typing this… whatever i'll make sure to support you through each and every work of yours from now on ! take care <333

(god this was a little long IM SORRY again you don't have to reply to this i js hope u read it and know just how capable and dedicated you are and how happy you can make other people iwnsnsks <3)

anon you actually made me tear up wthh :(( LONG ANSWER INCOMING……

i think this is the best thing i could’ve been told and hear, and the fact that it’s anonymous doesn’t change how much your words mean to me trust me. i honestly wasn’t sure how commited i’d be to this smau since i never have managed to finish a slow burn ideas because of the lack of creativity. but i think the fact that you still kept up from such an early chapter (when i remember pointing out that i’m really just writing this without a full plot yet multiple times) is endearing and don’t worry, i don’t take it to heart that you didn’t follow me immediately loll, for all you knew this could’ve been the shittiest piece of writing and then you’d have to just unfollow lmaooo. also i think it’s cute that those who have kept up from early on until now have witnessed with me the growth of this series and the support on it 😭 i remember when 70 notes in day alone excited me and would get giddy by getting a SINGLE ask hsjdjdjd and now i’ve had chapters with 400 notes and get 10+ asks ??? i didn’t even really dwell on it that you guys who have been ogs too have seen the growth too :(( i think it’s quite funny, because last year, i rarely got any asks and barely checked on this account except for posting some drabbles here and there, and didn’t even speak to any mutuals, i remember i told myself i’d keep this a writing blog only without interacting much at all but ever since stg i’m surprised by the amount of mutuals i’ve made and how many people are really perceiving my account AND how interactive i’ve been even tho i’d usually log out immediately after posting something lmaoo! it’s cute and i appreciate you for sticking around and being proud of me !!! it honestly catches me off guard when some of you say that stg is the highlight of your day or how much you love it or how it has inspired you to start writing yourself, because i can’t comprehend myself being influential like that at ALL 😭😭 but at the same time it warms my heart every time because it makes me feel useful…? i like seeing people happy and feel inspired by something i did so seeing people be so happy of a mere chapter really does make me smile :) i’m sorry to hear that life is hard on you, but again it means a lot to me knowing stg DOES affect your day positively (can’t believe we’ll be reaching the end tho..)

this wasn’t the last chapter, i got two more and then some bonus chapters so i hope you’ll enjoy them and my future work as well anon <33 i’ll continue to pour my effort and feelings into my writing love you and thank you for making time to write this !!!

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

About This Blog

Hey, this is the little gremlin again, and since most tumblr users have some sort of 'about' page, I decided to create one. And also because why not?

Note: This is my main blog. Likes, follows, asks and replies are from here. It is also my writing blog, where I post my own writing and sometimes reblog other writers' works.

My Masterlist

Natalia's Masterlist

Not interested in all the semantics and just looking for the writing? You can find all my writing in the link above, as well as my master tag list All the other info, like rules, squicks, my special tags and some background info can be found under the cut.

About the person behind this

You can call me Natalia.

My pronouns are she/her

I'm straight

I'm 18

I'm a college second year majoring in computer engineering

I'm not sarcastic at all, no no no. And my non-existent sarcasm doesn't catch people off-guard at all, no sir. Totally serious 100% of the time. Even my url says it.

I write stuff here, and the details r in the next heading

I'm an adult, but please dni if you're going to discuss inappropriate content

Wanna spam my notifications? Go ahead, I'm not stopping you. I actually encourage it, lol.

I like fandoms, caffeine, chemistry, math, reading and writing (*le gasp), and a whole lot of other stuff!

I'm not mean, I promise. Just a little, snarky teen haha.

I look nothing like my pfp.

I'm a villanous assassin!

I have undiagnosed high-functioning anxiety, may have ADHD and I experience obsessive thoughts. So please, no hate on ND ppl here.

I'm fine w/dms! (as long as they're not creepy)

My fanfiction sideblog is @so-hot-i-make-hell-jealous

My silly, non-writing sideblog is @yoursssstruly

My Writing Rules

I may be an anarchist, but I need some rules here.

Stuff I do write: hero x villain (supervillains, sidekicks and whatnot too), hurt/comfort, and I might post snippets of a story I'm working on and whump, fluff, maybe some crack, and romance!

Stuff I DON'T write: NSFW content of any kind, smut excessively dark whump (I get anxious with things that take it too far), incest, pedophilia, rape, emetophilia, and while I do write romance, suggestiveness is toned down and I don't write nsfw romance.

Do not ask me to write anything I said I don't write. It's pointless because I won't force myself to write it.

I don't write make-outs and kisses on the lips

You can totally use my writing for inspiration, as long as it's tagged as a prompt, you can use some lines, but just not the whole thing word for word, provided that it's tagged as a prompt. You can continue it, even if I've done a continuation.

If you use any of my prompts, please give credit and tag me! I'd loveee to see what you come up with!

Anything tagged as NOT A PROMPT is not for use.

I DON'T appreciate reposts, but I do love reblogs. Don't hesitate to use super long tags, analyse it or give lengthy commentary, I'm actually down for that stuff.

I don't mind my stuff being reposted on other social media as long as you give me credit. NO reposts on Tumblr, please.

Pairings are usually gn/gn. The other alternative is f/m

I typically write hero x villain, but I have other non-hero x villain stuff out there! Like fantasy, sci-fi and certain fragments of my wip (some of em are actually h x v!)

I don't really do xreader fics.

Ask Box

Don't be afraid to send me an ask!

Please don't ask for any of the stuff I told you I don't write

I may take some time to respond because I have a crap schedule

I might not answer asks if I don't feel very comfortable writing them. No hate, I just got on this app for my own fun, so I don't want to force myself to do smth I don't like, and it'll probably come out as a crappy piece of writing anyway

You can ask me about non-writing stuff too! I don't mind talking! Just please don't make the questions too. . .creepy.

Don't use the ask box to harass me. You'll probably regret getting on my nerves

Favourite Tropes

Where do I even start? I'm very indecisive.

Enemies to lovers

Alliance of convenience

Fake dating (turned not-so-fake)

Two whumpees caring for each other

Scary, unhinged hero x terrified villain (who's probably secretly in love w/them)

Flirty x flustered

Whumpee gets revenge on their og whumper, preferably through violent murder

Morally grey characters

Found family

Heavy angst w/a fluffy ending

Psychological manipulation

Cocky hero x flustered villain

Warnings

Because some of my content may be triggering to some people. I typically include trigger warnings above my posts in red, and I recently started putting them in the tags, too. Please note I don't condone any of the harmful stuff here IRL. I write FICTION, not meant to be used to judge me morally. ✨️Lmk if there's anything you want me to add here!

Violence

Blood

Bruises

Betrayal

Implied torture or past torture

Mental health issues

Manhandling

Drowning

Abusive relationships

Yandere whump

Bone Fractures

Failed escape

Miserable (I write sad stuff sometimes)

Threats

Fear

Description of torture aftermath

Occasionally, torture

Lying

Burns

Restraints

Usage and mentions of weapons (guns, knives, etc)

References to a difficult past

Vomiting

Starvation

Scars

Self-harm

Obsessive thoughts

Fear of heartbreak

Criminal activity

Death

Somewhat graphic descriptions (they aren't too horrible, but they may make some people uncomfortable

Non-con touch (not sexual)

Drugging

Poison

Kidnapping

Hostage situation

Exhaustion

Stress positions

War/war aftermath

Captivity

Fever

Delusions

Hyperthermia

Very flirty (Listen, I generally write pretty light stuff, but they can be seen as juuuust a little bit spicy, and different people interpret things differently, and I won't judge people for seeing things a certain way, but in case it makes you uncomfortable. . .)

Adding on to the last point, this kind of fic will contain touching (not sexual), kisses (not on the lips), and pretty flirty remarks (nothing sexual)

Smoking

Alcohol/use of alcohol

Squicks

I write violence n all, but I have limits. I will NOT write anything mentioned here and will refuse any requests with these.

Eye, mouth and ear whump

Extreme gore

Whipping

Branding

Vore

Amputation (unless it's a fantasy monster that has to die OR it's environmental whump. Someone doing it however, nope)

Muzzles (I'm fine with gags, though)

Collars

Sadomasochism (some of my characters are sadistic, but non-sexually. Also, no masochistic characters)

NSFWhump in general, (whether extreme gore, sexual assault or sadomasochism)

Animal abuse

Anything I don't write in the Rules above

My Tags

Aside from the usual tags on writing, I like to add my touch to a few of them. You may see:

#nat writes

#a little gremlin's writing

#natalia's writing

And for asks

#the little gremlin answers

When it isn't about writing

#not writing and/or #natalia.txt

When I like it, but it isn't mine

#not my writing

When you can read, but you shouldn't USE

#NOT A PROMPT

Timezones n next days (yes, they're self-reblogs)

#timezone reblog

#next day reblog

To clarify

#hero x villain -> just means it has a hero and a villain. can be platonic, familial, just enemies or romantic (this applies to any A x B)

While. . .

#hero/villain -> means the pairing is romantic. (applies to anything with a slash)

I know other ppl use them differently, but that's how I do it. I typically tag with genre to help, like #romance or #friendship

And the most important rule of all

HAVE FUN!

Xoxo,

The villainous assassin

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[hertwood]

👀😈🧠👩‍🏭???

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

i have several fic ideas that have just petered out and i'm resigned to not finishing. it's not about not sharing them, it's about making peace with never finishing them. (i also have several fics i havent touched in months but im DETERMINED to get back to but that's a separate problem.)

one of those is, sadly, femdomverse 3 (and everything else i had planned). i have shared bits and pieces about it before, and it was going to be called "points present" bc she leaves a pair of her underwear as a ~treat~ for getting his first points ladkfjasldkfjaslkjf

i think my big problem with femdomverse was just down to teething problems. i wrote fdv1 on impulse in under 24hrs, i dont think i would've even finished fdv2 if i wasn't trapped in my appt with covid (thanks covid.) it sorta grew into a much larger idea than it started as and trying to figure out planning it out once i was already in the middle of it. i think it was a good lesson for really taking the time to think out longer projects fully before i post anything in the future.

but fdv still has such a place in my heart and its spirit lives on in my other girlfics!!!!

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

this is such an interesting question because i spend very little time thinking about this. i write what i wanna write and if yall like it thats just a bonus :P new ask game tell me things i do as a writer you find annoying??? lol i suppose one thing i do a lot is talk about fics and just not get them finished or posted in a reasonable amount of time. WHICH ANNOYS ME TOO TO BE FAIR. idk. let me know~

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

ooooooh gio for u. as a treat. i'll talk abt my sargewood fic idea. this doesn't really count as a wip yet bc i haven't written anything yet, BUT circling back to the first one, planning out longer forms fics is important for me in the writing process. i've only talked abt this with care in DMs so i guess this is its first proper public sharing.

so, it's an au where kyle never really got into racing, he and logan knew each other in carting but kyle's career petered out and he and logan fell of of touch. for logan, his career progresses as we know it irl, until he gets dropped at the end of the 2024 season and he ends up without any sort of drive, goes back to florida in a sort of career limbo. and runs into kyle again!!!!!

but!!!!! surprise!!!! kyle's a dad! (this was all thought up around this btw. i was like how do i make singledad!kyle as a concept into an actual story with substance.) kyle and a high school ex had a baby, kyle realized he was gay so they broke up, she's very very smart and got into law school or smth so she's off doing smart businesswoman shit and kyle is the primary parent who gets child support. (amicable coparenting!!! just to be clear!!!!)

so with all of logan's new free time he can spend all this time with kyle and his kid to the point where lines start to blur and he now has all this free time to unpack any feelings that might pop up. writing a chaptered fic would be so so daunting but i think it'd be a good challenge for me, i just rly need to sent aside time to rly work on outlining everything i want!

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

i'm not quite sure how to answer this question aldfjaslfjasldfja i'm big on. feeling morally neutral abt the fiction we all write. HOWEVER i do know that like, oscarmark is ~controversial~ and i do have this wip. that i havent touched in a while but i love the concept so much i still rly want to get back to at some point. the wip actually predates fdv and i originally was like 'oh i'll just anon post it i'm too embarassed' but now any embarassment abt the wierd shit i write is GONE lmao. i did talk abt it in the replies of this post and thats the most i've said about it before. it's really just a contrived silly little plot all just to set up oscar being fucked over the side of a boat. which is public sex technically which is also a crime. its v self indulgent its very For Me i hope i can take it out of wip purgatory someday :'(

[virtue-and-beneviolence]

hi hi!! it took me way too long to decide on someone for this event, but i did it!! congratulations to me. and it’s hakkai <3

okay so let’s just start at the beginning bc idk what else to do. so i’m aromantic, but cupioromantic, and idk why but hakkai... i’m pretty sure he’s the closest i’ll ever get to experiencing romantic attraction lol. like, i get all giddy and happy when i see posts about him on my dash, and sometimes i get a butterfly-esque feeling... tingly stomach. no clue why he does that, none of my other f/os or faves or whatever do that to me in this extent. i guess he’s just special <3

that said it took me an awfully long time to add him to my f/os because he’s been doing the weird teenage love feels to me for over two years and i only started self-shipping with him two weeks ago. which is also why i ended up choosing him for this, he deserves more love from me!!

apart from the teenage love feels he’s just so pretty, and sweet, and cute, and kind, and asdghjhfhjg you know. wonderful little guy i wanna hold and kiss him so bad. oh and i want to braid his hair while he’s playing video games or smth... just casual physical touches.. idk. i’m a simp for him i can’t help it

aaalso i very much headcanon him being into pottery!! i tried it out a bunch of times and i absolutely suck at working a potter’s wheel bUT i believe that hakkai is a lot better at that than me and i think we could go on cute little pottery dates where he tries to teach me how to use a potter’s wheel <3 and we could also decorate his pieces together bc i am good with clay, just not those damn wheels. and that would probably end up in us making a ton of those frog mugs with a lil frog at the bottom that you can only see if the cup is (mostly) empty... and then having to gift some to our friends because we don’t need that many mugs plus i love gifting my friends hand craftes stuff, and i bet hakkai does too.

i feel like he’d be soo embarassed about it first and get very flustered when we cuddle for the first time but i have real experience with this one for once so i would probs initiate it when i’m comfy with it (which would be pretty early on lol) and i don’t think he could say no to us cuddling. and i bet he’d immediately text mitsuya abt it as soon as he’s alone again, excitedly spamming him talking abt how nice it was. and he’d probably forget to mention that we just cuddled so mitsuya thinks that we fucked and then hakkai gets even more embarassed. he’s a dumbass but he’s my dumbass, and he’s adorable i love him. (also i totally never accidentally did the thing where i excitedly told someone abt my cuddling experience and forgot to mention that it was cuddling. nooo. this could never be inspired by myself /j)

more random headcanon stuff but i love going berry/fruit picking, and he’d totally agree to go do that with me no questions asked... so yeah us going berry/fruit picking as dates. maybe even mushroom picking if he likes mushrooms bc i don’t but i like picking them and know a bunch bc i used to go do that every year with my mom when i was younger.

i’m bad at describing myself but i hope you got somewhat of a grasp of me through this and the few interactions we’ve had adfjjshg. (also, suggestive stuff is good tho anything implying me bottoming is a no bc it gives me dysphoria. but otherwise yes to that 👁)

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◇─◇──◇── @appreciatingtokrev  x Hakkai! ──◇──◇─◇

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□ Where do I begin with you and your hunk of a man? He's so incredibly supportive of you and always willing to go above and beyond to encourage you in anything you want to do.

□ And yes. That has resulted in him throwing 40+ mugs so you could give them away to friends and family when your hyperfixation was all things clay related. And he did it with a smile.

□ You gave took turns massaging each others' hands a lot in those weeks. He has such pretty hands.

□ You're actually not allowed to touch his hair when he plays video games with the guys, Smiley has forbidden it. He gets too sleepy and makes them lose </3.

□ You're also not allowed to touch or kiss his neck when he plays bc it bricks him up so fast. And the guys all groan bc when he gets a very specific kind of whiny, and then disappears for the night they know exactly who to blame.

□ Mitsuya just chuckles and tells them to shut up and let the boy get lucky.

□ You may have tried to be generous a few times under circumstances that the guys could still hear and well,,,,to the is day Mikey will sometimes mock Hakkai's moans.

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Nothing to say here but forgive me hakkai for i have sinned against your with these hcs </3 lmao

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Come make my day, tell me about your self ship, and get some hcs of your own.

[sharpiepaws]

art questions

this was supposed to be like oooooh send in a number and i'll answer it but i don't feel like waiting i wanted to answer these all NOW whether you want answers or NOT 1. Art programs you have but don’t use i've installed firealpaca, medibang, drawpile, i think i have a crack of paint tool sai still, know i have a crack of csp lying around. truth be told the last time i used a digital art program that wasn't gimp was 2 years ago where i drew like 3 things in drawpile. 2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even) full front and 3/4 either direction are equally easy. it's profiles that are difficult. 3. What ideas come from when you were little a lot of my ocs come from when i was 13-ish. from when i was a little kid tho not much carries over except a theme of things being genetically engineered in some way. 4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw folliage/nature. i need to take a lot of references to make plants and foresty sorta landscapes look passable. 5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself i think i post nearly everything that's complete, and i complete nearly everything. anything that isn't posted is part of a larger whole and eventually will get posted. so probably like over 95% of what i do is posted online. 6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn’t supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it) 60s anime and akira toriyama's earlier work (dr slump/dragon ball). idk. smthn about the eyes. 7. A medium of art you don’t work in but appreciate vector artwork. tried it when i was 14 and hated it. just doesn't mesh well i'm a bitmap boy. 8. What’s an old project idea that you’ve lost interest in esther's redemption angel story. it's not really interesting to me and the afterlife "oh i'm a good angel and i help demons!" just feels really played out? i blame vivzie. 9. What are your file name conventions 001 002 003, a combination of keywords, or ajhgkjahkj 10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw puffy sweaters. any winter clothes really. 11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what yea i listen to pretty much anything. i kinda just pick an album or a dj set at random. i mostly listen to electronic music or alt rock. 12. Easiest part of body to draw arms. legs are a close second. 13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn’t your thing ... i don't think i have something like that if i don't like their work i don't really get interested in them lol. idk hidetaka miyazaki? for being a huge out masochist in interviews? that shit's funny. only played dark souls 1 tho. 14. Any favorite motifs characters grappling with their own mortality in some way shape or form 15. *Where* do you draw (don’t drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth) in my room. at my desk. 16. Something you are good at but don’t really have fun doing scriptthttt writttingg.g.. i forgot how much you have to Write to create Thing they can't just be nebulous ideas or cool scenes one after the other. 17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what i dink my oiter. and sometime my monsert if i want to feel like shit and have a really fast heart rate for a really long time. 18. An estimate of how much art supplies you’ve broken my collection of dried up poscas and copics and highlighters and literally any other marker is huge i'm sure. also i have popped the nib off of prismacolor's 005 fineliner at least twice. (prisma fineliners suck get staedtler or faber-castell instead) 19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.) plants no contest. rooms are also really cool. 20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy hands. i've always liked them. 21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways i dig baroque era paintings quite a bit. 22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any none i rawdog that sketchbook 23. Do you use different layer modes the closest thing i have to layers is my lightbox. 24. Do your references include stock images yes of course absolutely 25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by BEASTARS. i guess because furry? lol 26. What’s a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended i haven't finished any of my Works yet so i don't have an answer for this yet but i have a sneaking suspicion that one of them will be wildly misinterpreted but we shall see 27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with no not really. i didn't even realize warming up was a concept until like, this year or smthn 28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines) i did work for CUTE CERVID on their first comp. other than that no i am too reclusive and hate interacting with the Art Community at large to participate in most zines. 29. Media you love, but doesn’t inspire you artistically jet set radio funnily enough. the game literally about art hahahah i don't think i've ever drawn jet set radio fanart and i've been into that game for like 4 years now 30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

this one. it's literally one of the best things i've ever drawn and everytime i post it it gets like 5 like/fav/engagements MAX

[doodleybugg]

i. apologize for the inactivity guys. i had a rlly bad episode recently and although im back rn i can't promise how long i'll stay JDBDHD

ANYWAYS how about we have a little update? (triggering topics such as sh, ed, etc descriptions will be in red, bold text! i'll try to keep most of the negative stuff at the bottom but no promises :/)

so i forget how long i've been gone exactly, i remember logging in some rare occasions to like and reblog a couple posts but otherwise i've been extremely M.I.A (pun very much intended) and honestly that's been a bit stressful for me.

i've had a LOT of drama in classes. yeah that's right, ya girls in uni now! and i am failing SO BAD. it's rlly hard going to school everyday, like i hate it i just wanna go back to working at a shopping mall or smth lol. but hey the map of my cities kinda set up well, being the uni is right next to a lake, and on the other side is a parking lot w mcds, circle k, chatime, etc. and next to the parking lot, like legitimately across the street, is my house. i moved back in with my mom cuz rent was getting too steep, and honestly id rather be on the streets lol

probably the biggest update ihave; i'm a did system. i got the diagnosis early december, and with a shit ton of research and help from friends who have the disorder because the doctors are no help, i'm getting comfy with the label.

if you're not sure what did (disassociative identity disorder) is, it's basically a disorder which defines the presence of two or more different persons in your mind, alike to multiple personality disorder. again, i'm not a professional, and you'd think my doctor would have given me a run down on why it meant before he diagnosed be but here's how it went:

me: hey, so i haven't looked much into the subject, but my one friend who has did was telling me about their experiences and they lined up with a lot of mine. i think i might want to go about being tested

doc: mia. you don't need to get tested, it's already in your file. we've spoken about this before?

me: ...i don't think we have?

doc:

me: so you're saying you diagnosed me with did and didn't even tell me about it?

doc: well, at least you're aware now, right?

yeah. so that's two doctors i've gone through in the past three years. i didn't throw a stressball at this one, but fuck i wanted too!!

anyways, i guess i should introduce some of my alters :)

i'm mia (she.they.fae.), the host and little, i identify with how the body looks.

enzekai (he.they.it) is the co-host and caretaker, as well as the first alter i purposefully made. kai has many sources, but his main is actually an oc of mine, cairo!

and dwelle (it.she.boo) is our resident trauma holder and nonhuman. she formed recently while i was splitting and hasn't had much time in the front. her main sources are casper from girl in pieces and cassie from skins.

i'll give everyone a better intro but i'll save that for another post!

i have gotten absolutely zero progress done in my book, the toll it takes, and i find it harder and harder to write anything but immensely sad poetry anymore. on the rare occasions i can make up some headcanons but i don't think i'll be able to write any (good) fanfics for a while now, sorry

okay, onto the bad stuff. if anything listed is triggering or unappealing, please don't read ahead: ed (anorexia), sh (cutting, self sabatoge), anxiety and depressive thoughts, suicide mentions, death mentions, and otherwise explanations of feelings like abandonment and lonliness that while, in retrospect wasn't nearly as bad as i thought so, can still be upsetting just to read.

you've been warned

recently, as mentioned above, i've just gotten out of an episode; a bad one. by gotten out of, i mean i've attached myself to select people and depend entirely on them to keep me from self harming or starving. and that's completely unfair, so i've been trying to recover. my friend @my-elysian-love is helping me immensely to eat full meals and reminding myself that i don't deserve what i think i do. i'm so eternally grateful and i can never repay any of them back <3

before my choice to try recovering though, it was getting worse. i weighed 68 pounds at 19 years old. a couple nights ago, i've cut deeper than i ever have before, and i've been stuck with this sinking feeling in my stomach that i can't quite explain. i took out all my bad feelings on people i knew and loved, and when they finally held healthy boundaries and left me to my own devices so i couldn't hurt them, i took everything out on myself. i know, real remus lupin move haha.

but that wasn't fair. and even now i still feel bad, i still hate myself for what i said and did, for how i acted and it scares me how easily people are forgiving me. because i said some messed up shit while i was splitting, and that's not an excuse. and i just keep thinking it's only a matter of time before i blow up again, and maybe i'll be worse next time. maybe people won't come back, and i can't honestly blame them because i'm fucked. and as scared as i am, i'm grateful. or maybe it's just selfish. selfish because i just hate when nobodies around for me to love, to love me back. but i'm still terrified. it's hard to change up my thinking, but i'm trying. i'm trying rlly hard and i just hope that it's enough.

i'm a couple hours clean for self harm, and yesterday i didn't technically eat a full meal like i was supposed too (my older sister got mad at me and wouldn't let me eat anything). i had multiple cookies, a fruit roll up, two cups of tea, a packet of uncooked ramen noodles, a bite of a chicken finger and also i drank water! just water! for the first time in a while.

i hate that it took me fighting with everyone i loved to the point where i didn't even need to push them away anymore, they went willingly, and having multiple panic attacks in public restrooms to finally start on the road to recovery. it is so fucking hard, it's really hard. but fuck, it's worth it to see my friends happy. to not detect worry in their eyes and to believe it when @my-elysian-love says they love me (again i'm so sorry for spamming you aaa). it's worth it to finally eat cinnamon buns again, and drink tea with real sugar, not cal free sweetener. i get a shit ton less headaches cuz i don't constantly need to count cals anymore, and i haven't passed out of dehydration in 2 whole days. ik people without eds are probably like "wtf is this bitch on about?" and that's what i'm talking about. recovery is never the same as sobriety, but it's the next best thing. and i might still struggle with my body or cover up with baggy clothes sometimes but at least i'm alive to do so. cuz a while ago i was too close to death.

i attempted to kill myself again. this time by starving and eating a buncha pills. i'm lucky cuz it didn't work, and i'm still alive. i can only think of what would've happened if it didn't work. if the last. thing i did was tell someone i loved and cared about that i didn't care if they were dead. that the last thing i did was get mad at them for feeling for someone else the same way i felt for them. yk, bpd moments ✨. but i'm glad i lived to apologize and now i'm trying to recover. and ig that's all the updates i have rn

[mifhortunach]

in review - once again! - 2022

below cut :/

i did... Very Little drawing this year ! - which i’m really not happy about, and i’m not sure how that happened tbh. that said, if nothing else, instead of drawing i got ‘a lot’ of printing done!

it was a good year for like. my Actual Practice - i spent a lot of time in the studio, got a piece (that i still like!) into an actual public show, as well as for the first time sold some work!! I also got to finally mess around with a riso machine, as well as someone offered to show me more litho stuff, so im hoping to pursue that much more in the year :) - as well as finally do a bunch of projects i’ve been putting off for ages & dear god, fckn draw more

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watched a lot of movies though!!!

ltrbxd says i saw like. 115 or smth, but that’s an estimate bc i went to a couple of shorts showings (as well as fell asleep at a couple :’/ ). it’s been cool!! have finally seen a bunch of genre classics, and had like, a seeing thru the matrix moment~ where i could tell a whole bunch of influences that had affected smth i was watching ! id quite like to try to strike a similar balance this year as well; catching up on like. ‘genre staples’ but paired w the weirdest most niche shit i can find - fingers-crossed! (thinking about putting together a little round-up post of some of the ones i saw this year that really stuck around for me, but idk)

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Pods!!

usually i think - and by usually i mean like, last year - i’ve got more to say on this front, but a lot of the pods i really enjoyed this year were hold-overs from 2022-

AMCA: i’m someone who while they don’t care about starwars, DOES really like podcasts about it, which is weird & difficult to explain, but this is still so good!! 5 star podcast, 5 star runtime! everyDAY do i wish they could do a special about dune...

The RETURN of toxic podcast!: as before, a podcast only for me really, and the only podcaster that i do have smth approaching a parasocial relationship with - its just been nice to hear from Ale again!! The branch into ltrboxd reviews as been a fun venture too, imo.

FATT/SANGFIELLE: though difficult to believe, that DID happen this year!! Sangfielle is still so so good, and it got me back into both listening to bluff as well as trying so hard to catch up on ptzn, its just really fckn good what else is there to even say! (Met a lot of v cool people through this as well, which has been so cool :) )

Assorted Seán L@TDF podcasts: while he has dropped completely off the face of the internet - though hopefully not the earth - the man DOES still have years of weird (mostly movie) focused podcasting to go back in on, which i do find consistently compelling!! turns out when u practice putting thought into words and then presenting for long enough you do indeed build a skill. His found footage series (Hundreds of Pixelated Dead Bodies) series is great, and introduced me to a lot of stuff, ditto his other series (hundreds of dead bodies). I’m hoping to get through the big, thoughtful series (ALL UNITS) this year, and maybe I’ll get even luckier and he’ll return to the land of podcasting soon.

I’m sure i’ve missed some on this one, but these are the ones that stood out to me this time round, i guess. i’m excited for the new twioat series also, lol.

=====

i did like, almost no reading, or tv watching, though i did start, and plan - and not finish - a good couple of knitting projects. didn’t get out to see many gallery shows either, which isn’t so great - though i DID manage to have a startlingly good year socially ?

made some new friends, had a whole private theme month devoted to the films of al pacino, and got to see two bands/musicians that i really love play live!! Good Ol’ Stevie P w @silverview (<33) && TWRP - both of which were so so great, and made me wish i got out more lol

lots to be done this year, as per, but hopefully it’ll be fine

[hua-fei-hua]

hey! i stumbled across you on ao3 through genshin (i think? that was in september i have no idea at this point), went to check out your profile and saw my hero academia works there. i am currently very much into it, so i was like let's gooo sooo I found B♭ and that has been a wild journey.

firstly, i don't have any experience with american school system, so a lot of worldbuilding was new for me. moreover, marching band is something from another universe(aka music lover but never got educated on the matter), so fic constantly challenged me with new details-concepts-vocabulary. stepping outside of your comfort zone while reading? great idea! i think i never learned so much from a fic while enjoying it so much ^^

secondly, i am simply amazed by sheer amount of effort you put into it. i decided to read in publishing order, so non-chronological really impressed me. you're honestly a mastermind being able to pull that off. also, having a song for every chapter with specifically picked out lyrics relevant to the content is so, so cool! the diversity of your playlists should be astonishing, i'm jealous :)

thirdly, the characters are just so real. i love all the canon references, i love the reactions that don't feel exagerrated or too mild. they are acting...exactly as i would expect them to in that circumstances and setting. i just accepted leads' ways of thinking and reflecting so naturally

i also read the extra notes when they were available and just...how much thought is put in is mezmerising. for some reason i never thought pulling directly from your life experiences when writing? but it actually makes a lot of sense and it brought me some ideas to try out so hehe ;)

as i am very smart and hadn't scrolled down on the order post, i didn't see until quite late in the reading that the end of perfect harmony is published as notes, so that was a surprise. i understand your reasons and the fact that you're not even in the fandom anymore, but you mentioned in some extra notes that it's ok to ask for them even if years passed so...here i am three years after, complimenting B♭ :D

anyway, i finished it a couple of days ago, and even the notes are quite detailed. images of described shenanigans popped into my head just like that, and i really appreciate that you published them and i got to know what happened next!!

i actually wondered why were the comments disabled since i really wanted to comment on a few chapters bc your work deserves it so much...but yeah, that's what led me here so i guess congrats, you get my thoughts all nicely packed in one place ^_^

there's probably a lot of specific pieces, details, ideas i liked about B♭, so that is merely a summary of exciting things i remember!

i'll say goodbye using my favourite oneshot title:

thank you for the music ✩°｡⋆⸜(ू｡•ω•｡)

not gonna lie i'm kind of obsessed w/the way you just glossed over the fact that you (probably) found me through my (anonymous) genshin fics, which means you jumped through the (minimum three) hoops required to get here, my (named) fandom blog, and then proceed to gush abt a bnha series i did. like i would assume that if someone put in the effort to find my other fandom fics from my genshin stuff, then there must've been smth really worth looking into w/the genshin stuff lmao

for the sake of my mutuals' dashboards, since this ask is so long i'm just gonna chuck the whole (long) answer under a cut lol

anyway yes Bb!! the amt of effort n planning i put into that series was legitimately insane. i made school schedules for EVERY SINGLE BNHA CHARACTER and PUT IT ON A SPREADSHEET so that i could PLAN WHO COULD WALK WITH WHOM TO THEIR NEXT CLASSES n have PLOT-RELEVANT CONVERSATIONS LIKE THAT. i made little profiles for each of the characters, where i chose their favorite musical key (and why), how many years/instruments they play, and gave them each a funny little quote/catchphrase!!!

what possessed me to do this for ~20 different characters i honestly could not tell you

i definitely loved working on Bb a lot. i remember sitting down three years ago, practically to the day by this point, n hashing out the events of every single chapter to the epilogue, then reorganizing them into a proper timeline (i also kept a calendar in my notes with the chapters in order), all while occasionally looking out my bedroom window n thinking how wonderfully bright n warm n sunny the world was becoming again. bc really, 2019 was a very struggle year for me, n i didn't take the time to appreciate the sunlight then the way i have every year since. from there, i worked off that very strict outline, and most of the note-chapters that were eventually put up are primarily just copy-pasted straight from there.

i remember being on youtube a lot for music recs when working on perfect harmony too!! a bunch of them changed in the years btwn walking away from the series n actually publishing the notes (which were actually published mid-december last year, then backdated to 2020 a few days later ahaha), with a number of the tour arc alternate chapter title songs coming from songs that didn't even exist at the time of the fic's original planning. my mp3 collection grew a lot during the planning phases of Bb lmao.

i'm glad the characters felt so real!!! while no one character was based entirely off one single person i knew irl, one could say that writing Bb was a bit of a love letter to my time in high school band in some places, both the events i partook in n the people i knew there. it was a very "write what you know" type of fic.

anyway haha yeah the end of my bnha days were not fun, but i still loved Bb enough to hold onto the idea of returning to it Soon(tm) that i put off publishing the chapter notes for almost two years. even then, that was a difficult decision for me to make bc a part of me wasn't ready to close that chapter of my life. i think ultimately it was the best decision to make though, since the fics are p heavily tied up in a much sadder part of my life that i'd just rather not return to.

the main reason comments were turned off of Bb (and indeed, the majority of my bnha fics) is most simply described as "resentment". it's different from how i feel abt my old snk fics (where i turned comments off of them so that i could pretend no one's really reading them anymore), which is more impersonal "oh my god i was so young back then and i give fewer than negative shits abt any mistakes i might've made on them or what anyone thinks of them" bc in bnha it's kind of hard to avoid the fact that i had a Name in the circles i typically traversed for a while. it wasn't that big of a name, but it's certainly more than nothing.

it's not really a feeling i like to dwell on, so i just archive-locked the responsible works n turned off comments for the most heinous culprits (mostly sparklers, but even tho i love Bb as a story, i do not love Bb as a publishing experience, if that makes sense), and for the most part, that keeps the resentment contained.

still, i'm genuinely happy that you enjoyed the au so much!!! i honestly love love love how goddamn SPECIFIC the premises are for this fic. the world was truly built with love, and the music puns for every title were always such a joy to come up with c':

thank you for the ask!!!! :D

[creampievampire]

insane that the catalyst for all this cs drama was me calling out how antisemitic and transphpbic the new hp game is and being told by someone who brought the game up that i was ruining their fun

a mod pushed the claim that i, a trans jew, was in the wrong and was making others uncomfortable, and when my partner tried to highlight how abhorrent that claim is, the group owner dismissed it and supported the other mod. he talked to them himself, being in a more senior position, and they refused to back down and insisted that i was bullying them and it was wrong

so my partner quit and took his resources with him bc why the fuck would he help these people after that? not to mention all the other shit thats been happening since august to alienate us within the team?

and those two immediately started doing damage control and trying to sweep every thing to meors under the rug, and its easy bc were assertive people who dont let people dogpile us and we stand up for ourselves. its really easy to twist someones words when you sit there insisting smths not an argument despite the fact that youre literally arguing, or when you they cuss and you dont, or when you circle around the issue and cry when they try to make you face it head on

ive always addressed shit ive said and done head on. i have nothing to hide lol all the fake posts these two mods are making about how much they appreciated our hard work are doing nothing but saving face and defending their image of this happy little family they want the group to be

so they can continue to lie, and people can hide behind the anon function and burner accounts as much as they want trying to call me out or whatever they were trying to achieve w that ??? like i dont even know lol it was a joke

i dont care

ive said my piece in that chat bc i felt driven to it w them brushing their behavior under the rug while we get thrown get under the bus once again

was i aggressive? fuck yeah i was. i dont owe you my fucking courtesy lol that groups gonna continue to be a toxic cesspool that pushes out and intimidates any genuine people from speaking up until it collapses in on itself bc no one in charge knows how to run a group

(again, this post is NOT directed at dusty, she wasnt responsible for anything in this - she was just steamrolled any time she tried to mediate anything or find a solution for anyone)

[hakhub]

oh look I have Internet time to write some dumb answers no one cares about!

Art programs you have but don't use I have Pixaki growing dust bc I still haven’t taken the plunge into pixel art -_- also Rebelle Painter bc I don’t have a working desk or pc that can run it yet

Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even) Depends on the subject! Usually if a person has a hair part closer to one side, I prefer drawing them to the opposite (so the hair part is obscured or minimized). Others I prefer drawing forward.

What ideas come from when you were little “You know what this setting needs? More explosions.” IDK how to answer this really. I guess it’s just the philosophy of loving kabooms and actiony scenes?

Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw Guts. Anyone with a not Leiji Matsumoto noodle body. Anything my brain deems visually interesting (I am not a good artist).

Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself I used to be about 80%? I’m now about 50 to 60. I’m working on getting it up higher though :V

Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it) A lot of Akira Toriyama sneaks into my work even though I haven’t played every DQ game, and I’m not a huge Dragonball fan (although I did obviously watch it growing up!) Like both are fine and I totally comprehend the impact the guy has had on the art world but it has been years since I really obsessed over his art!

A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate Oil painting. Don’t understand it. Respect anyone that can do it, whether it’s digital or on canvas.

What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in I lost a lot of steam with something called Nomad. Need to work out a few gamebreaking issues and maybe I’ll pick it up again? There’s a lot of neat stuff in there but it seems to fall short when I look at it really hard.

What are your file name conventions I’m so boring now. Month-Day-Year. I very rarely name my drawings/bigger pieces nowadays.

Favorite piece of clothing to draw Jackets and pleated skirts.

Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what Could be music, could be white noise, could be podcast/long youtube video. For fun I’m right now in a phase of listening to Rory Gallagher’s early work.

Easiest part of body to draw Everything is hard. I don’t have a ton of variance myself but I do like eyebrows given how expressive they can be.

A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing Chiho Saito. Love dramatic Utena art. Always have. Would never draw in it.

Any favorite motifs Wingies. Warm tones. Spamming the multiply/add filters for cheap lighting lmao

Where do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth) Before I wrecked my knees, on a coffee table on the floor. Until I have a desk I’m stuck in bed. orz

Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing I like to think I’m a decent writer but I don’t have a lot of fun with it. There’s moments, but it also isn’t an activity I can do socially with others, which is why I like drawing more when I’m hanging out with people. With art specifically, apparently I’m good at making people be close together when I’m drawing couple stuff. It’s not fun though because it’s hard lol

Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what Water most of the time. Back in the days I could stay up late drawing I was frequently getting a little buzzed with whiskey or beer but nowadays I can only squeeze in draws early in the morning.

An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken I broke 2 whole pen+tablets from overuse. I have slain many ballpoint pens. I recently had to toss out some decent quality watercolor tubes because I was an idiot and didn’t screw on the caps tight enough (thanks 2017 me, you done gone ruined your paint).

Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.) Trees. So nature? I like pointy rocks too. I’m slowly working up a love of drawing guns.

Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy I’m gonna repeat myself from the last one and just say “closeness” and composition?? I struggle with comp a lot though, even if it’s the backbone of whatever it is you’re supposed to do.

Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways Super shoujoy stuff. Your typical Artstation mega polished portfolio. Super painterly stuff. I’m not hard to impress and I’m generally pretty easy going when it comes to critiquing other people’s work. If something’s not for me I don’t want to make a huge deal out of it.

What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any I have to stretch my legs and knees now if I’m gonna be seated or in some set position for more than a half hour now, so just the basics.

Do you use different layer modes Multiply and Add pretty much and that’s it. I sometimes have used other ones but I don’t rely on it as much nowadays (not to say anyone that does is bad or anything! I do things this way to help me learn grey values more).

Do your references include stock images They have. Also the typical great resources like Adorka Stock and related ilk.

Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by A friend told me my style reminded them of Ashita no Joe which is a HUGE honor tbh so I can’t possibly be offended by it lol When formulating my style tho? Didn’t even watch AnJ until like 2018 (the comment was from 2015)

What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended I’m lucky that this hasn’t happened to me before. I did however get a ton of attention on something I halfassed and then crickets on something I put my soul into tho. Several times!

Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with No. I wish I was one of those Cool People that could do Warmups for 2 hours before getting to art but I got maybe 2 hours a week to make the best of it so I have to get to whatever it is I got planned or I’ll never get to it lol.

Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines) I used to do weekly trades, and then monthly trades. I hope to get back into it soon. I’m not good enough for zines lol!

Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically Hmm you know, I think most things I’m super into more or less has found some way to influence my creative process. I guess JUST visually, I’m not super into Spartacus? (I’m super into the story and acting tho oiwjfowjegiao)

What piece of yours do you think is underrated For Art: This one :V (pls give it notes I am a sad little man that gets the zoomies when I see Tumblr notifs) and this one. For writing: this one’s cringe as hell but gdi it took 6 months to write and it’s full of my cringe, sweat and word vomit.

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

Didn't see a lot of artist ask games, wanted to make a silly one.

(I wrote this while sick out of my mind last year and it's been collecting dust in my drafts, I might as well let it run free) 1. Art programs you have but don't use

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

3. What ideas come from when you were little

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

9. What are your file name conventions

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

12. Easiest part of body to draw

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

14. Any favorite motifs

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

23. Do you use different layer modes

24. Do your references include stock images

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

[johntwick]

dinner with a killer

Little note: Three things!! First: i’m tagging this as an x reader because I don’t rly describe the girl and never use a name. so technically it can be read as an x reader. Second: I believe john is a huge hypocrite and probably wouldnt befriend a serial killer bc that’s (lol) “wrong” but it’s a fanfic so who cares!!? Third: This is loosely based off Hannibal (the scene with Tobias) so yeah there’s my inspo. Enjoy!

Word count: 2.4k Reading time:11mins

The sound of metal hitting glass plates echoed throughout the almost silent room. Some classical piece John didn't know flowed from a radio on low volume as they ate together in peace. He was having dinner with a woman he had met at the library a couple months before his wife died. He felt guilty that he had gotten so close with another woman while Helen was dying, but as a former assassin, he didn’t have many friends. There was Marcus at the time, still, he didn’t really open up to him about his ‘feelings’.

John ran into her while he was checking a book out. She was beautiful and he felt disgusting for thinking that. Her knowledge on books amazed John. Once he stated that he worked on books for a hobby he knew that wouldn’t be the last time he saw her. And that wasn’t the last time he saw her. They met for coffee multiple times and during those times they talked about books, she talked about her problems and John talked about how hard it was watching Helen die right before him. He never cheated on Helen. Never. He wasn’t and never will be that kind of guy.

Even though eating a homemade dinner with a friend was not cheating, John felt that it would be going a little too far. So every invitation to eat at her house he declined. Until the night Helen died, he called her in a moment of grieving desperation, and asked if he was still welcomed. They made plans and hung up.

Then Viggo’s stupid son, Losef, had to mess with John. That really screwed with his retirement plan. Thankfully he was able to take care of things in time for the dinner. He knew he’d still have a few things to take care of but he was still injured from his fight with Viggo and needed to heal.

John now sat and watched her as they both ate. He saw her eyes flutter, her muscles move and twitch, and a satisfied smirk appear upon on her face every bite she took. There was almost an unnerving, familiar feeling about her that was bugging him but, besides that, she was perfect. Too perfect. Maybe that was it.

“Don't like your meal John? You're worrying me. You've spent so much time staring at me you've hardly taken a bite.” She teased with a playfulness gleaming in her eyes. John hadn't realized she knew he was staring at her. He felt himself heat up at his carelessness. She lifted her head and stared at him, still smirking, for a few seconds before she looked down and took another bite of her food.

“Uh, no. Sorry. It's very good, actually.” John took another bite as he watched her swell with so much pride even he could practically feel it. This time a full smile spread across her lips.

“Thank you. It’s chicken that’s actually been baked encased in lotus leaves and clay. They call it “Beggar's chicken”. The story behind it is pretty interesting.” She put her fork and knife down. John continued eating as she started on the historical context of the name.

“There are many variations of the story but they all start with a beggar. This beggar stole a chicken and the farmer went after him.” She paused to take a sip of her wine.

“The beggar buried the chicken in mud and later that day when he knew the farmer was gone he dug it up. He was so hungry he didn’t wash it off. He just cooked it like that.”

John listened as she went on about how well cooked it was and how the beggar showed everyone in the town and it even eventually got to the emperor.

“Well I guess we should be thanking the beggar for this meal tonight.” He jest, causing her to giggle.

“You know growing up, I always wanted to be a chef.”

John gave her a fake surprised look and the woman

brought her hand up to hide her laugh.

“I know. Not very surprising.” The atmosphere in the room became uncomfortable. John felt it and he knew she could too.

“Other things got in the way. So I studied and specialized in human behavior.” She turned and stared at John. Her eyes held no emotion as the smile faded from her face. She looked as though she wasn’t there, and mentally John knew she wasn’t. So he called her name in his gentle but raspy voice and leaned slightly over the table to get close to her.

“I can’t figure it out John. All night I’ve been sitting here talking and enjoying this very well cooked meal with you. I could basically hear the thoughts in your head. I still can’t figure it out.” She was astonished.

John pulled back and leaned in his chair and narrowed his eyes at her. Why was she acting so strange?

“What can’t you figure out?” He asked, emotions absent in his voice.

Eyes just like his peered into him as she brought her head up.

“I know you’ve killed people. I’ve known since we first met, but how you just pushed it aside for love.. I just can't figure that out. ”

John could have sworn his heart dropped. His anxiety spiked as thousands upon thousands of thoughts raced through his brain. Nobody would ever even know John was royally losing his shit on the inside because on the outside he stayed calm. Just like he was trained. There was no, twitching of the eyes, biting or licking of the lips, shaking or even leg jumping. Nothing.

“It’s rude to ignore somebody John.” Though her tone was the same chaff, there was a bit of maliciousness in it.

John knew she wasn’t stupid and he most definitely was not going to offend her by acting as though she had no idea what she was talking about. This is not how he planned the night going.

“How did you figure out? That I’ve — killed people.” He questioned, not losing eye contact with her.

She let out a sigh before answering.

“Because I’ve killed people too. Mostly the people who annoy or bore me.”

Ah. So that’s what felt so familiar.

John still didn’t change his expression much but he did raise an eyebrow in question.

“Really?” He drawled out, doubt evident in his voice.

“No real reason to lie here. I even thought of killing you.”

At this statement John was beginning to start sorting through all the possibilities of what could go down, what he could use as a weapon if need be. It was almost as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.

“I’m not going to kill you John. Though the thought was tempting.”

She tapped her chin in thought and pursed her lips while looking him up and down. She was analyzing him. How he sat, how he spoke, his movements, she even watched his breathing. Although to the average person it wouldn’t have seemed like John changed one bit, but she wasn’t just any average person.

“You’re much stronger than me. I could never take you down physically.”

John felt a sense of pride at that statement and loosened up a bit. The woman stood up and started to clear their plates from the table as he stayed sat there. How did he not see it? This was something John grew up and had ingrained into his brain. At The Continental he always knew who was there for business. So how couldn’t he see it on this plain girl? He was brought out of his thoughts by a mug being placed in front of him. It was just coffee but rightfully so, John was skeptical.

“I didn’t spike the coffee John. This coffee is very expensive and I get it imported monthly. I’d never ruin it like that.”

The woman almost seemed offended as if that was such a ludicrous idea. John looked to the coffee to her to the coffee and back to her again. She raised her eyebrow and tilted her head.

“Something wrong with the coffee? You haven’t spoken a word since the huge reveal. I don’t scare you do I?”

She had to stop the chuckle from coming out. Yes. In a way John was scared of her. How easily she hid it, how normal she seemed. He wasn’t scared because he knew he could take her if she attacked him. He probably wouldn’t even need his weapon. Just his hands. She scared him because of how easily she tricked him. John willingly came to her house and ate dinner with her. He ate her food that could have been poisoned all while he had no idea. That’s what scared him.

“I don’t take my coffee black.” Is all he said.

She put her hand over her mouth in mock surprise.

“I didn’t know that. I would’ve taken you for a “just black” kind of guy.”

“Well there’s a lot that people don’t know about me.” John let out a short breathy chuckle.

“You’re not wrong about that. How do you take it?” She smiled and stood up.

“Two sugars and one cream. Please.”

She left with a wink and then hurried back. John took the cream and sugar from her and started to add his preferred amount. When he looked up she had her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands as she watched him intently. It seems that’s all they’d been doing tonight. Watching each other. John finally broke the silence.

“So what made you comfortable enough to tell me?”

Her eyes closed for a brief moment before she removed her head from her hands and her elbows from the table. She gave John a look of disbelief.

“You’re a killer and so am I. We have that in common. Don’t you ever just want to share that part of you with anyone? Doesn’t it get tiring? Always having to hide that from people?”

He thought about what she said for a moment. Yes it did get pretty tiring. It’s very hard to take the way you grew up, all the training, fighting and killing, and forget all about it. Although he wants to run from this part of him, to retire and leave it all behind him, he knows he can’t. He understood how she felt. Going out and meeting someone in the normal, law abiding world, was sometimes difficult. Nobody would ever know the really real you. Then there were people in the underground network where people only knew you based on your skill. Not your interests and disinterests. That didn’t mean they were the same. John never killed someone just because they inconvenienced him. Ok maybe he had but still, the people he killed were no saints.

“We all hide parts of ourselves. Hiding this isn’t anything different.”

The woman rolled her eyes and made a ‘tsk’ noise with her tongue and the back of her teeth. She started to rub her hands together.

“So, when you are doing basic human activities, let’s say, shopping at the mall, nobody ever makes you angry? You never get the split thought about how easy it would be to kill them?”

Now John rolled his eyes.

“I’m not saying that. I just have the control not to act on it. Making it easier to hide.”

She brought her hand up to her cheek and leaned against it. Her other hand started drumming against the table in a lazy manner. John could tell she was analyzing him again. She squinted her eyes at him.

“That’s not true. Did you not kill - what was it? - like eighty men? All over a dog? That doesn’t seem like much control to me, John.”

John took a deep breath and shook his head. It was really getting annoying how many times people had brought that up. That was different. There was much more to that than it just being a dog. Also how the hell did so many people know about it already?

“That was different. I am mourning my wife. That was the last gift she could possibly give me and it was ripped away.”

God, John didn’t know that last time he actually talked so much with someone. Why was he even still here? Why was he defending himself and sitting here, drinking coffee, with a murderer?

“It’s because deep inside you, you like it. Nobody, goes and kills so many people just because grief and mourning. You know who kills that many people? A killer.”

She states this in a matter of fact. It feels strange and foreign to John, that she can read him so well. Even Helen couldn’t read him this well. God how he loved Helen but when he told her of his past all she had was an attitude of ‘well let’s move on from that.’ Part of him wanted that but part of him mourned that. John didn’t know what he wanted. He submerged and hid away a part of himself for her. As guilty as it made him feel sometimes he wondered what their relationship would’ve been like if she had supportive of it.

That being said John quit mostly to protect her, not just because she wanted him to. Helen never even flat out told him to stop, but it was definitely implied. He never wanted to have to worry about someone going after her for something that happened in the past.

“John, you can’t always run from this part of you. I think it’s time you embrace it. You can live a normal life with me and still continue feeding into this dark desire. You don’t have to worry about me ever. I can handle myself.”

Two things were strange about this. First, John’s never been asked out before, usually he did the asking. Second, John didn’t think asking someone out could be so formal. It’s like she was trying to sell him a new car. Weird.

“My wife just died.”

“Ah yes, but for now, friends? You always need friends when you live a life like yours.”

“Friends. Yeah.” He looked and sounded almost bored, which was comical because he wasn’t bored at all. John was very intrigued.

The woman seemed happy with this answer. A huge smile appeared on her face as she held out her hand for John to shake. There was still so much more to be discovered about John. He was a mystery to everyone and this would be a mystery that she would solved before anyone else could.