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out-of-this-dimension · 3 years ago

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Hypothetically Rewriting Assault’s Story + Some General Assault Opinions

There’s a game my husband and I like to play when we watch a movie, play a game, or read a book that has a story that we don’t really enjoy or we enjoy certain parts of but not others. We look at things we’d keep and things we’d change and we build a story from there-- sort of like an AU but we don’t really go into the writing part, we just stick to theorizing and mapping a general story.

I decided to play that game with Star Fox. Not because I think Star Fox has a bad story but because sometimes I think the stories could have been handled better. Note: for the rewrite game, I only really look at story, even for video games, I don’t really look at gameplay mechanics, but I do understand those have a lot to do with story potential so I do take it in as a factor... I just don’t bother to “rewrite” the mechanics, if that makes any sense at all. Some of my list today will include boss encounters but I wouldn’t necessarily say those are mechanic-related... more like “event-related”.

I’ve mused a bit in the past about rewriting Adventures and Command and I do have plans to do a mock up of an Adventures remake eventually. However, today I was thinking about how I would go about handling an Assault re-write in particular. Much like Command and Adventures, I don’t have any beef with the core story but I do think there’s a few things that could’ve been better about Assault’s storyline-- like they had good ideas rolling but they didn’t quite refine them.

Under the cut because SUPER long.

My basic feelings on Assault are pretty positive. I think the game is generally just fun and I like that it feels like the natural progression from SF64. I liked getting to see planets we haven’t seen since the N64 era in better graphics and I liked seeing Star Wolf return. I also just thought the aparoids were neat enemies.

Generally speaking, though, when it comes to Assault, I think it suffers from the thing it tries to push the most-- the story. I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking the story is better than it is because it’s the first game since SF64 that really follows the same Star Fox vibe without retelling the Lylat Wars. Don’t get me wrong, the overall plot is great but the execution and pacing are... wonky. Certain characterizations also take a hit in some regards but no one really talks about that when Command exists. That’s something we’ll talk about later on with this post.

That being said, Assault really does have a lot good going for it. An absolute banger of a soundtrack, some great dialogue, a neat story synopsis, the introduction of cool characters like Panther and Beltino (who existed but was always off-screen), and just good levels.

So, here’s what I would add, I suppose, if I were to somehow have the ability to rewrite Assault. Originally I had this in paragraph form, but I’ve made it into more of a list under topic segments with main points bolded for your viewing pleasure. Some of these points might be considered nitpicky and while I do understand that yes, this is a game about space animals, I do hold the developers in high enough regard to make a game with a continuity that makes sense.

The Story Changes

- Reduce Pigma’s storyline in Assault. This is the biggest one for me because a bulk of the plotline feels like a giant chase to just get at Pigma and it feels like it derails from the actual plot with the aparoids. We only go to Sargasso because of Pigma. We only go to Fichina and then back to Meteo again, because of Pigma. That’s 3 levels in a 10 level game devoted to just tracking down Pigma and chasing him. While it makes the build up to fighting Pigma kind of nice, I personally feel like the plot could be reduced to 2 levels. If Assault overall was a longer game, I could see them making it 3 levels. Overall, though, in its current state, I feel like the side plot overstays its welcome and the aparoids promptly get shoved to the side in favor of “Oh no, we gotta get to Pigma!” And I get the main motive here is to show how the aparoids affect people and because of the build up, it does a good job at showing how utterly terrifying the aparoids are. But it’s still too long given the length of Assault’s story. The only alternative to this is make Assault longer, which... honestly, it should be.

- Revise the scene with Tricky. I’m obviously not well-versed in dinosaur biology but I’m pretty sure dinos didn’t grow that fast from what studying I HAVE done. And why is he suddenly king now? Did his parents die? He seems not affected by this at all? Like it’s a funny scene with him, Fox, and Krystal, but it’s odd if you really look at it. Give us, as players, more context because I’m still not even sure what happened to make Tricky suddenly the leader and... big. As a note, you’re gonna hear me gripe a lot about the Sauria level in this post.

- The Star Wolf + Peppy sacrifice is a low effort way to raise tension/stakes and then cop out. Oldest trick in the book, imo, is to act like you’re going to kill off important characters only for them to be alive miraculously. And let’s face it, as an audience we all know they aren’t going to kill those characters because it’s Nintendo and those characters are too beloved. I would’ve forgiven them for only doing this with Peppy or Star Wolf, but when you tack them both together and throw in the fact they make it seem like you’re going to have to kill General Pepper too... yeah, it’s just a bit much of the same trope over and over again. I wanted to put a note in here about how I’m fine with the Great Fox being “sacrificed” but overall, it needed to return to the series because of it’s icon status, but I think that’s more of a gripe at Command instead of Assault.

- Keep Pigma alive. This will conflict with a point I have later on about the game consistently having characters cheat death for easy drama points but with Pigma, I would’ve kept him fully alive... but maybe with some physical damage from the aparoids. I understand he’s semi-alive in Command and tbh I don’t know where I stand on that. Why keep Pigma alive, you might ask? I feel like his character has a lot more potential than being “just the greedy guy”. Like he’s got good potential future villain material for future games and... if I’m honest? I just don’t see Nintendo wanting to keep Pigma dead so why even bother killing him off? They couldn’t even commit to him being dead in Command anyways so it seems very moot.

- Bring Bill and Katt back. Assault is acts a bit like a big reunion of all of our SF64 favorites but our two favorite side characters are suspiciously missing. Wouldn’t Bill be out on the front lines fighting against Andrew in the beginning? Or maybe back in Katina? And wouldn’t Katt inevitably show up in the midst of the invasion, maybe to pointedly check in on Falco?

- Bring Andrew back for the final fight. I think Andrew being defeated early into the game is fine overall but I think bringing him back in for a reunion final fight against the aparoids would serve to really solidify that it’s really everyone vs the invading aparoid force. It would show that not only is Star Wolf willing to put aside their differences but so is basically everyone in the Lylat System in the name of survival. Imagine the Venomians and Cornerians working together against an aparoid fleet, giving Star Fox and Star Wolf time to attack the queen? I just think it’d be neat and it’d open up the potential for some fun banter mid-mission. I do understand that quite a few people consider Andrew canonically dead after Assault but personally, I feel that his defeat left his fate questionable (I’m a staunch believer that unless there’s a body, they’re probably alive, especially for Nintendo games because, again, they never like to kill people off) so him returning in Command never really bothered me.

- In general, reconsider some of the character portrayals. Unfortunately, when a series has a different studio for each game, character portrayals will inevitably have inconsistencies. While I give Namco a lot of credit for putting in oodles and oodles of detail into the game (particularly the levels), I think they failed in their portrayal of Fox, at the least, and Wolf is a considerable offender as well. While it’s obvious that Fox in Adventures was effectively modeled off of Sabre even in terms of personality, Rareware was at least able to justify Fox’s newfound jaded attitude with the passing of many years and a distinct lack of steady income, resulting in the team being in disarray. Assault’s Fox is a stark contrast to his cynical interpretation with seemingly no explanation other than maybe “Oh, I have more money and a gf, maybe I should behave myself”. As if the sudden change in personality wasn’t random, Fox also just seems very blah, like a blank slate stereotypical shooter game protagonist dude with little to no emotion. Wolf is less obvious but gets slated into a mentor-like role midway through the game and ends up in a respectful rivalry with Fox... which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except for it happening abruptly (and, I mean, Peppy is right there). But I take less issue with this and more of an issue with the fact that there’s an entire level establishing that Wolf now runs a crime den with effectively what seems to be an army and no one bats an eye at this. He doesn’t even call on them to help with the aparoids. Did they all die when the aparoids attacked Meteo? Are they safe somewhere else? Where do they go? How was Sargasso able to operate without the CDF being on their doorstep with warrants for arrests?

- Don’t kill all the dinosaurs. A bit of a dramatic statement but the ending screen that showed all the damage to Sauria really bothered me. While I understand that the dinosaurs had less of a chance against the aparoids than a more technology-focused society like Corneria, I was a bit disappointed that the decision was made to just state that a lot of tribes had been wiped out. I know this could easily be retconned in a future game and I feel like it should be. “But why, Amalia? Why are you disappointed by that?” 1) It’s a little too grimdark for my tastes. 2) The fact it all happened off-screen felt very hand-wavy. And 3) It brings into question the entire point of Adventures. Why did we bother to save this planet if it was going to be reduced to rubble and ash 1 year later? Where were the Krazoa in all of this? Why did they not make an appearance at all to try to stop the invasion with their alleged powers? It just raises too many weird questions and I feel like Namco didn’t think it through too much. Which I mean, sure. Family, kiddo game. I’m not asking for bigbrain plot and lore but I’m squinting at this bit because it does feel very contrary to the lore from the previous game.

- Make the aparoids more relevant. As nice as it is to have a random bad guy from another galaxy, I feel like there was more that could be done with the aparoids in terms of their origins. Tiny things, mind you, not huge revelations. Off the top of my head, they could have been tied into Krystal’s backstory to help alleviate some of the complaints that she was too random to be added to the series’ main cast. Alternatively, they could have been a product of Andross or even a weapon prototype from Corneria that fled the lab (I actually thought the game was leaning in that direction for a bit then just Nothing Happened). I get that the vagueness of their origins leaves room for people to speculate and speculation is nice but... when you leave too many things unknown, it starts to feel less like giving fans room to interpret and more like just doing random things for the sake of it. I think a lore tidbit here or there would work wonders for the aparoids instead of leaving them as just borg/zerg clones.

Level-Based Changes

- Add either Aparoid RedEye or Aparoid General Scales as a boss to Sauria. Given that this level mysteriously lacks a boss, which is just weird compared to the other levels, I think that they had the opportunity to add something cool to go along with the cinematic feel they were going for with Assault. Assault’s cutscenes do play in a movie-like fashion and it’s clear they’re trying to make the game as epic as possible. It’s a shame they had so much fodder for a great boss here but they failed to go through with it. Alternatively: Add a Krazoa-Aparoid fusion. Why? Because Star Fox is about cool epic sci-fi and that would be cool epic sci-fi incarnate.

- Add a boss to the Aparoid Homeworld Level, aka the penultimate level. Another one I felt was personally weird that there was no “final defense system” to challenge the team. Would be cool to do an aerial battle over the aparoid planet with some giant flying aparoid.

- Be kinder to Sauria. The level had some good homages but overall was incredibly small and incredibly short. It felt like a bone tossed to Adventures fans but was not entirely true to the setting built by Rareware. I’m... not even sure where the Sauria level is supposed to take place? I presume it’s Walled City but it doesn’t really have the same color scheme or aesthetic? Also where is my revised Adventures music? Why do all the other levels get it but Sauria doesn’t?

- Put some of those funky items from the multiplayer into the main campaign. I don’t know why some of these things, items especially, were omitted unless it was purely due to time constraints. I remember having missile launchers and jetpacks in the multiplayer and was a bit sad that they were not in the main campaign. Retuning the levels and adding those in would be a nice breath of fresh air for the more tedious on-foot missions.

- More levels. Self-explanatory. Still sad we didn’t get the Zoness or Titania levels in the single-player mode.

I think all of the above changes would improve the game, though I recognize all of this is being said 16 years later after lots of time to contemplate Assault’s weaker points. I’m not entirely certain how long Star Fox Assault took to develop but given that there’s obviously quite a bit scrapped from the game (an entire arcade mode was scrapped as well), I’m going to assume that the studio felt pressured to shove the game out the door and into the hands of customers. It’s a shame, really, because I think a little bit longer in the oven would have done a lot of good. Still, the product we got was good in its own right and a game that many people look back on fondly. I haven’t gotten to replay it in years but I hope to quite soon.

You might wonder why I bothered typing this all out and I guess my point was this-- Assault was great but it wasn’t perfect, and while a lot of other games fall under a crushing amount of scrutiny, Assault seems to dodge it. And don’t get me wrong-- I adore Assault. But given that not many takes exist out there about rewriting it, I decided to give it a shot. For variety’s sake.

I do want to a mock up of a revised Assault story, which I think I will get to work on after completing this while all my ideas are still fresh in mind. So stay tuned for that sometime in the near future. I will also be doing my Adventures mock up at some point but probably not for a little bit as I do wanna focus some of my free time on actual fic-writing.

Anyways, if you stuck around this long, thank you for reading! Have any changes you’d like to see to Assault if you could time machine your way back to the early 2000s? Feel free to post in the comments, I’d love to read your ideas!

#star fox assault #starfox assault #super long #queue'd

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ajoblotofjunk · 5 years ago

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DVD commentary for the July chapter of HFOG! or just the motorcycle ride if that’s too much lol

All of July is too much for me mentally right now so I’ll do the motorcycle ride. :D This got (unsurprisingly!!) long, so lemme put a Keep Reading cut in real quick.

A week later, on the off Sunday between Winterfell and Lannisport, Jaime was spending his birthday alone at the office.

I’ll do this whole section, since it being on his birthday was the trigger I used to get Jaime to ask her to go on the bike. This scene was one of like three I had in my head from pretty much the beginning. I find motorcycles extremely sexy (I’m an easy target okay) and I loved the idea of forcing these two knuckleheads into that much physical contact in what should theoretically be a platonic experience; I just had to figure out how to get them there since Brienne just spent the last part of June pushing Jaime back a step. Hard to say no to a lonely man on his birthday though.

going clubbing until they were both passed out or dead by the end of it. Bronn was home with Lollys, probably having enough sex to stock them up until August, and Jaime wasn’t really close enough with the rest of the crew to consider spending time with them outside of work.

I think this was the month where I decided Bronn was going to be genuinely happy with Lollys. I know I mentioned her early on but I toyed around in my head for awhile with the idea that he was still kind of loose and maybe even unfaithful to her, and I decided I didn’t want to go that way. I wanted to like Bronn in this fic. He’s kind of my Sarcastic Wise Elder character for these two and I really grew to love the idea that he is just as much an inner softie in his heart as Jaime is, that that sharp outer shell/gooey center combo was something that connected them. I think it really helped in the October chapter that Bronn was likable, because then that scene in the hospital between him and Jaime had a much bigger emotional hit.

The only other person he wanted to see was Brienne and though she’d sent him a ‘happy birthday!’ text that morning unprompted, he hadn’t responded for

I laugh to myself thinking about Brienne hovering over that text message all “should I send a gif? is the text going to be enough? what about emojis? Is it weird if I text him at all? He didn’t tell me it was his birthday but I definitely know it’s his birthday because I have memorized a lot of unimportant facts about a man I am Definitely Not Into.”

lunch, smoked what he swore was the only cigarette he would have as a thirty-six year old, and then aimlessly watched TV for a few hours before driving his motorcycle into the office.

Jaime uses smoking to fill the hole of the things he wants but believes he’ll never have. At the start of the fic that’s respect and winning races. As he slowly gets those things, he smokes whenever he’s thinking about Brienne, even though he does not realize it consciously. Once he gets all three, he stops smoking for good.

There had been a scattered handful of engineers there that afternoon, working away in preparation for the different requirements of Lannisport next week, but

Honestly, sometimes remembering there were hundreds of people working on this team in particular was exhausting. 😂 I always had this constant voice in the back of my head of Lannister Corp scenes of “where are all these other workers and what are they doing?” It works here because I needed the ride to happen at night, but this is just giving me flashbacks to “oh right this team is actually 500-1000 people, not just these 12.”

He raised his glass of water to his empty office. “Happy birthday to me,” he muttered, taking a sip. It wasn’t even flavored water, which felt like such a maudlin statement on his life that he couldn’t finish it.

The “it wasn’t even flavored water” line still makes me laugh to this day. It’s one of my favorite moments in the entire story. It’s so DRAMATIC. Like, my god man, get a hold of yourself. Anyway, I love drama queen Jaime.

He probably should have texted Taena or Melara, but he didn’t want to spend time with them. He didn’t want to listen to his sister’s barely concealed insults

I had a whole bit…I think it was in August? Might have been earlier, I can’t recall now, anyway, two or three paragraphs talking about how Jaime met Melara and Taena and why they all worked out this arrangement and Brynn (rightly) made the point that it didn’t actually add anything to the story I was telling. I managed to cover what really mattered about it in two sentences instead. The moral of this is that this story could have been even longer but Brynn is the best so you should thank her.

find out what she did on her off days, what kind of birthday cake she liked, if

Chocolate with chocolate and fruit filling and chocolate frosting, FYI.

Brienne’s worried frown deepened. “Have you done anything for your birthday today?”

“I had a cigarette.”

She shook her head, looking disappointed. “Anything that doesn’t shorten your life by doing it?”

I also really like this line. I’m a fan of Worried Mom Friend Brienne, too.

“I drank some water,” he grumbled.

Unflavored! Like an ANIMAL. 😂

“Have you even eaten?”

“I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”

She blinked, startled, and then a sheepish grin swarmed over her face. “I guess some things don’t change. At least you didn’t insult me this time.”

“Progress,” he said, smiling, watching her features go soft and open in a way he’d probably dream about that night. Distance, his brain reminded him.

I didn’t plan for this quiet callback to the sandwich conversation from January, but I really was pleased to see it happen. It makes sense; Brienne wants the people she cares about to take care of themselves and where back in January I think she felt she was being more his Mom, here they’re both aware she’s being his friend and that’s part of why it’s a softer moment.

“Then come riding with me. Have you been on a motorcycle before?”

“No. My dad was firmly against it after Galladon died.”

At this point in the fic I was pretty sure Brienne was going to drive although I hadn’t worked out all the details of how I was going to get there yet, but when I wrote this I definitely shored up the “Selwyn is very overprotective” support I’d only just started to build back with the phone call in January. I also knew when I wrote this that Jaime was going to bring the motorcycle to Tarth and her dad was going to be all about it, even though I wasn’t sure how that was going to happen.

“Well,” he said, standing slowly, “your dad’s not here now, is he?”

Fun fact: this story idea first appeared to me in relation to Bruce Springsteen’s “I’m On Fire” and there’s a lyric in there - ‘hey little girl is your daddy home, did he go and leave you all alone’ - that this quietly references. And actually I wanted the whole motorcycle ride to have the exact same feeling when you’re reading it as I feel listening to that song! It’s a direct path from there to here emotionally.

(In some other universe instead of this I wrote a fic where Jaime keeps bringing his car in to Selwyn’s Garage just so he can see Brienne, grease smudged on her face, and he asks her to deliver it to his home and she does and, well. It doesn’t go like the video. *g*)

(That video and song were very formative influences on young me though I was not aware of it at the time. If you haven’t heard the song or seen the video, here you go: https://youtu.be/lrpXArn3hII)

Jaime arched an eyebrow. “My bike is plenty big.”

Brienne snorted but the red in her cheeks spread out to her crooked her nose and down the freckled length of her long neck. “Sounds like you’re compensating, Lannister.”

I could show you he thought but he bit it back, as well as the image of pushing her against the door of his office and- No. Bad. he told both his errant thoughts and his twitching cock like they were misbehaving dogs.

Jaime has been horny for her since April (January though he would refuse to acknowledge it if you told him that at this point), give him a break.

He came around the desk and held out his hand and she stared down at it like it was a snake she was trying to decide was poisonous or not.

Brienne gingerly wrapped her long fingers around his

I wanted Brienne to actively participate in the decision to do this, to show through her actions (not just Jaime’s perceptions of her) that she wants this, too. I had to ramp things up for both of them in this chapter because I knew what was coming in August and I wanted them to be ready for that. I couldn’t have gone from where they were in June to the kiss in August, I had to force them together in a way they hadn’t intended so that when they come together intentionally it feels like a natural progressions, and that meant both of them had to be wanting it.

What are you doing? his brain demanded as he led Brienne through the empty corridors out to the front parking lot.

Enjoying my birthday for once.

I like this because it’s both Jaime making excuses for why he’s doing something really foolish if he’s supposed to be keeping his distance but ALSO true and a sad reflection on his life (and what Brienne brings to it even now).

His bike was parked in Tywin’s CEO spot, where he always parked as a small, childish fuck you to his father. Brienne gasped as they walked up, pulling her hand away to brush the gleaming chrome.

“You have an Iron Throne!”

I know. I KNOW. But I love calling it that. I cast around for motorcycle names for awhile and when I hit on this I could not resist. Iron Thrones in this fic world are basically those giant Harleys that would easily seat two people.

weight of her against his palms. Brienne’s eyes narrowed and he worried for a second she’d heard his thoughts. “It’s not safe to ride without a helmet though, and I don’t have one. Do you have an extra?”

Jaime hadn’t brought his today, either. “We could wear driving helmets.”

As I recall it, Brynn came up with the idea of the helmet scene or at least definitely helped me work out how it was going to go when I got stuck on it. She made the point it should be a cute moment between them and it was right because it made the whole ride seem fun instead of just weighty and tense. The fact they actually have FUN together is really important to me because I think it’s really important to successful relationships in general. If you’re going to be with this person for the rest of you life, I hope like hell you enjoy spending time with them.

When she saw the helmet he had she laughed, the sound bursting up into the sky like a flock of startled birds.

I’m not usually happy with how I describe things - I never feel like it’s as interesting or descriptive or powerful as I want - but I do like this line a lot.

“It’s a helmet,” he said, holding it out to her. The helmet was a bright neon green and covered with frogs forming the words MOAT CAILIN with their bodies. “I got it from one of our sponsors a few years ago and kept it thinking someday I’d wear it just to piss off my father.”

What does Moat Cailin do? I genuinely have no idea. 😂

Brienne took the helmet and held it out away from her like it was a very stinky baby. “You’re sure no one is going to see us?”

“Now who’s vain?”

This made me laugh. I love when Brienne gets to be light-hearted.

“Isn’t there some biker lingo you should use instead?”

“Hop on my hog, sexy mama?”

Goofy Jaime: also a personal favorite. This is kind of an early insight into how he’s going to be in later months when he’s truly, unburdenedly (I made that word up) happy.

Brienne laughed even harder that time and shook her head. “You are so annoying,” she said fondly, climbing on behind him.

The “you’re annoying”/”you’re stubborn” back and forth is something I have been trying to consistently but not overwhelmingly carry through this fic from very early on.

“Since you’ve never ridden before, the primary rule is that you have to lean into the curves with me. If you’re balanced differently than I am it might bring the whole bike down.

Having ridden a motorcycle: this is actually true. It was the first thing the person I was riding with told me.

Her arms fully encircled his waist, her body pressed so firmly against his back he imagined he could feel the weight of her small breasts through his own shirt. He had no jacket but he didn’t need one; even if it hadn’t been for the drowsy summer heat, Brienne’s warmth against him stoked enough fire he could have burned all night.

You shouldn’t ride a motorcyle without proper gear, kids, but Jaime doesn’t give a fuck and for the purpose of this kind of intimate contact, neither do I for this story. 😁

It was almost like sex, the way they moved together around the curves, the blood thrumming in his veins, her occasional breathless gasp. He had to shift a little on his seat to make room for his awkward erection, but he pressed the bike faster, the curves tighter, until she was welded against him and the wind whipped her joyful laughter from her mouth, leaving it like tracers behind them in the dark.

This is the image in my head when I thought of them on the motorcycle ride. Everything before and after this paragraph is just set up and pay off for this one part.

Centuries ago there had been a keep at the top of Aegon’s High Hill, but all that was left now were old stones weathered by time and the salt air off of Blackwater Bay.

Thank goodness for the internet, and people who post very detailed maps of King’s Landing and Westeros so I can figure out some of this stuff. I have spent a surprising amount of time for this fic looking at maps.

“Why were you at work today?” he asked, staring at her.

Brienne pulled off her hoodie to reveal a tank top underneath, her muscular shoulders bunching as she did so in a way that made his mouth go dry.

There’s a gif that was being posted in the Oathkeepers discord around the time I was writing this that I had in mind explicitly for this moment. 😄

Her skin seemed to absorb the light, making it white and smooth as milkglass, her freckles mirroring the infinite stars. “Truthfully,” she said, “I wanted to spend some time alone with the car.” Even in the moonlight the reddening of her pale cheeks was clear.

Survey says: Mostly true. She also was thinking of him, since it was his birthday. She genuinely did NOT expect him to be there, though.

Jaime walked to the edge of the flat gravel and stared across the Rush to roughly where he thought Tarth would be way down south in the Stormlands. It had been years since he’d been and he didn’t remember it well, but he wished he could so he could picture Brienne there.

Again, I knew he was going to be in Tarth the very next chapter, so I wanted to lay the groundwork for it to seem natural he would be. Bringing it up here was a perfect opportunity for that.

They put their helmets back on, and Brienne her hoodie, and she climbed on behind him again, her arms automatically curling around his waist this time instead of the distant grip of the start. He started the engine and leaned forward a little, and she leaned her head against his shoulder as they took the drive down more slowly.

This easy warmth was important, too. Again, the sexual tension is critical to get them to their breaking point because they’re sure as hell not going to talk about how much they care about each other first (or even for a long while after they start having sex, as we discover), but I wanted there to be something deeper to their bond, too, a connection that I could build on in the second half of the story where you believe they’ll be happy together as an established couple. That they’re comfortable together.

The trip down the hill was as solemn as the stars above and when he parked again in front of the Lannister Corp Racing offices Brienne took her helmet off and stared quietly at him when he remained seated, his visor pushed up.

I think subconsciously this is when Brienne really falls in love with him, because it’s just Jaime being Jaime, and sharing something important to him with her and that kind of openness is the key to her heart.

Sadness gleamed like the stars in her big twilight eyes. Brienne put a hand on his shoulder and his whole body went rigid under her touch. Her fingers crept to the nape of his neck under his helmet, softly brushed through the short hair there before she dragged them away again as her pale skin reddened.

Brienne was more reserved here in the initial draft of this and Brynn thought there should be more and she was - as usual - absolutely right. So the touch was added to fully seal the momentous connection that happened here.

“You can get home okay?” he asked.

“I’ll take the bus, there’s a stop just by the sports bar.”

Brienne the Bus Rider strikes again. Hee.

He couldn’t even quit smoking; how was he ever going to quit wanting Brienne?

These two things are connected here for a reason! As noted above. Hee.

Wow this was fun for me, thank you for asking! 😊

[DVD Commentary Meme - Asks are open]

#dvd commentary meme #heart full of gasoline #the-world-unseen #i was lowkey worried i wasn't going to have anything to say #idk why given my history with this story in particular #but anyway this was kind of illuminating for me too #so thanks!#hopefully it's not super boring hee

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rexcaliburechoes · 5 years ago

Photo

You know that game idea I was kicking around for a bit? And I ended up writing like. A bunch of paragraphs for it? Yeah, that one.

Well, I made some mock designs for it.

As it goes, I know 0 about character design and I am not very good at posing and proportions, as well as the fact that this is all a WIP and will probably never go anywhere. Good? Good.

Warning, this is pretty damn long because I discuss some potential character interactions and the designs because I need to talk about it lmao (obligatory readmore because I talk too much lmao)

Viola

Viola’s the odd one out of the three because I he just kind of popped into my brain one day and I went “sure let’s roll with that” simply because I was throwing around ideas for the rest of the String Quartet as it were (Violin, Viola, Cello, and Bass). The other two I sat myself down and said “I’m doing this today okay” and then I did it but he’s weird because he just naturally occurred as it were.

I’ve imagined him as something of a moody teen. He’s also kind of defensive and prickly and a bit angsty. He’s sweet under that outer shell of thorns, though. He has something of a inferiority complex to Violin, since as far as I am aware, violas don’t usually get solos in classical orchestra (though I could be 100% wrong and I’m admitting that bc I don’t remember much of symphony orchestra. Actually I remember a lot of symphony, but not enough, sadly).

Violin teases him a lot, but she makes it known that she doesn’t mean any of the joking barbs she throws at Viola. She knows he’s important in his own right, but still the jokes can hurt, so he’s distant from her. He wants the spotlight too, but he’s also a little afraid of it because what if he makes himself a laughingstock when he finally gets his solo? Poor thing.

Design-wise, I think he’d wear probably a dark red hoodie with white trim, or something. Idk. Yes, he wears skinny jeans (in black, probably), and no, I don’t know why I drew him with cuffed pant legs. He’s a Converse kind of guy, I think, and his hair is is a bleach blond. No clue if his hair has any other color in it.

He doesn’t wear his hood up all the time though. When he’s particularly moody, he’ll probably pull it over his head (I imagine his default sprite is him with his hood up because I think he won’t be that open to the player just yet) and close the strings, but otherwise, his hood is up enough because he wants to or it’s down because he wants to.

Imagine though, if the player gets enough “bond points” with him, his default will change to him having his hood down because he’s more comfy with the player, in general (and maybe the player like seeing his face idk) and that’s a barrier broken. Imagine Viola being a cuddlebug with the player because they’re so warm and it feels nice to be around them. Imagine Viola smiling more instead of looking grumpy. Imagine Viola finally opening up and learning that he is worthy of being a string instrument and he is loved and cherished for who he is and that he doesn’t need to be better than Violin to have worth because he is is own person, and that’s what matters.

Imagine him mending fences with Violin in a sidequest. Violin stops teasing him so much (but since she’s like a sister to him, of course she’s going to annoy him- it’s what siblings do) and Viola being more open to her and showing her that warmth he too has.

Gameplay-wise, since he’s a member of the Strings family, he would have a higher ATK stat with lower DEF and HP as a tradeoff. However, he’s more beefy than Violin, who probably is The Glass Tank to the entire String family. Maybe Stradivarius is the Most Glass Tankiest out of all of the Strings. I dunno.

Guitar

Okay, so I’m not gonna lie, Guitar is my favorite design out of the three here. I don’t know if I wanted him to be bishounen or ikemen but since I can’t draw ikemen at freaking all, I went the bishounen route. but I think he’s still more handsome than pretty, so maybe he’s already ikemen?

So, I imagine Guitar as more of a mellow guy. He’s nice, maybe unremarkable, but that’s what’s great about him. He’s definitely handsome though, and he knows it. He’s most definitely a flirt. He takes pride in his appearance, but isn’t vain. Out of the Guitar brothers, he’s probably the most “chill” one. He’s also “cool” because… yknow. Guitars are cool. I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t really didn’t know what else to put for his character, so I might add or change things as I see fit in the future.

Design-wise, I wanted him to be pretty. In fact, the first thing I had in my mind was a white button-down and a vest. What I did not foresee, however, was how much of a pain in the ass drawing a collar was. I forgot how much I hated drawing collared men’s shirts lol. I actually wanted one side to be untucked, giving him like… a roguish?? Sexy??? Vibe. But I decided against it because it didn’t look good At All.

The vest was also a “should I or should I not” thing. Maybe it was because I really liked how I drew the shirt. i was worried that he’d look too formal, but I don’t think he looks too formal after it was finished. The coat slung over his shoulder was a “cool” booster lol. He never wears it, just like he’ll never button the top button of his shirt.

His color palate would probably be tans. White shirt, tan vest. Probably black pants, and the jacket is a wildcard. No clue what color it would be. His hair is probably a sandy brown and shiny. It looks very soft and it very much is. Most of the guitar players I see have long hair and/or a beard, so maybe he’ll have a little stubble? Dunno.

Imagine the player getting enough “bond points” with Guitar and him actually meaning what he says because initially he wanted to tease the player a bit or that was just a way he jokes around but now… he cares for their well-being deeply. Imagine Guitar being goofy and an utter prankster like his brother Electric Guitar. Imagine him being a bad influence to the younger/more impressionable instruments and getting all of them in trouble with the player because he too is cheery and bright but he’s just more well known for being mellow and romantic and smooth and he just keeps up with that image because he’s worried that others view him as strange or they would abandon him because he’s a popular hobby instrument but sometimes hobbies don’t pan out well and he’s been left in some attic alone and unplayed and abandoned only to be sold again to another person.

Imagine him worrying over his brothers because they’re doing something dumb and he has to bail them out. Imagine in a sidequest, he loses his cool and goes absolutely feral because his brothers are in mortal danger when he initially had more of a distant relationship to them.

Gameplay-wise, I imagine him to be a little more like the Brass family (of which I have yet to actually do anything for)- more beef in exchange for ATK. But since he’s from the Strings, he naturally has higher ATK and has more skills associated with the Strings family.

Violin

Okay. I have played violin for over 7 years guys. I haven’t played in an orchestra for a while though so my inf might be outdated or something because I’ve not been in an orchestral environment for two years.

So I’ve imagined Violin to be something of a drama queen? That’s too strong of a word for it, but I can’t think of anything else. Dramatic, perhaps, suits her better. She’s certainly formal and definitely haughty and “cultured” but she’s as cultured my file directory (aka not at all). Well, that’s a lie. She certainly has class. She likes attention but she’s not an attention whore and also she doesn’t have that much of an ego. She takes her job very seriously, too, and is a perfectionist. Perhaps she’s more like Viola than she lets on…

She appreciates the “little guy” as it were and is not one of those “ohime-sama” characters. Yes, there’s a stylistic difference between a fiddle and a violin (bluegrass/country vs classical and jazz), but in the body and neck of the actual instrument, as well as the range, there is very little to no difference. The main differences are the strings (fiddles typically use steel strings for a brighter sound compared to violins which use synthetic or traditional gut strings) and the bridge (flatter for string crossing/chords and rounded for single note playing).

I’m getting ahead of myself. I imagine Violin parties hard in addition to simply being all wound up and “classy”. Like, she’s probably the one doing karaoke and shots and in general being Wild while also being her typical Responsible, Classic, Dramatic self. She’s also quite sweet and is a hopeless romantic, but she has something of a short fuse and can get really scary when she wants to be. She’s probably Disaster Bi.

Design-wise, my first thought was concert blacks. Seriously. Whenever you hear “violin”, please tell me that you, too, hear someone in an elegant black dress, absurdly beautiful and pristine? Just me? Okay. She has beautiful brown hair that’s wavy and silky and soft and maybe it’s magic but it changes color slightly in the light when you see it at a different angle.

Imagine the player getting enough “bond points” with her and she finally starts to let her hair down. Imagine she invites the player to a karaoke bar or simply to a small party/gathering she and a few other instruments have planned because she wants to have fun. Imagine she sets up a drinking game that includes Spin The Bottle or 7 Minutes In Heaven or something because she can be fun and she’s not just uptight and known for being for the nobility. Maybe she’s insecure about how others see her because she’s been seen always as a tightly wound person and she too can have fun and be wild and free and happy and not a stick in the mud. Maybe she’s a perfectionist because that’s what’s been drilled into her from her creation because she’s usually a sign of nobility and nobles have to be perfect and she must be perfect to charm crowds of people and she’s only beautiful because she’s perfect but she’s beautiful even with her imperfections and her quirks and she doesn’t need to be Wild to prove that she can be fun and that’s okay.

Imagine her and Viola making up in a sidequest. She knows that she teases him and pokes fun at him a lot but she really doesn’t mean it. She knows that he’s an important instrument in orchestras and she tells him that yes he is needed and is important and yes, she’ll stop poking fun at him because she realises that her comments actually do hurt and she doesn’t want him to feel unloved. But she’ll still annoy him because that’s what big sisters do but she’ll stay away from those kinds of jokes because she doesn’t mean it and it’s mean so she’ll stop.

Gameplay-wise, she’s definitely on the more glass canon side of things. She has excellent ATK, but her DEF and HP are kinda… shit. I’d pair her with other String instruments that have higher DEF and HP to help balance out her flaws or even put her on a team with Percussion or Brass or even have her with a Woodwind to help with healing and she’ll do the damage necessary.

#rex rambles #rex can't draw #rex can't write #that game that rex keeps developing #rip the readmore went away... Sorry;;;#violin #viola #guitar

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le-amewzing · 5 years ago

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clellick hcs

Have some Clellick headcanons, bc there needs to be some Clellick content on my dash~ =w= and i'mma forever have a thirst for clayton ;w;

whenever Torres is upset/frustrated/angry/annoyed, Bishop & Reeves smother him with Aggressive Cuddles™ until they can coax a smile from him

sometimes Torres does a double-take bc Bishop & Reeves dress nicely—but also sometimes alike; there...are blazers...& suit pieces...everywhere he looks

& tbh on occasion Bishop just wears one of Reeves' jackets as her own

then again she also wears Torres' leather jackets & ballpark jackets

conclusion: Ellie Bishop is a jacket thief not that they rly mind

Reeves & Torres always keep snacks on them—for Bishop

need smthg salty? She hits up Reeves

smthg sweet? from the salty one Torres

Ellie Bishop may leave crumbs around the house...but you will never find cheese-dust fingerprints anywhere partly bc she licks her fingers clean, partly bc her boys are kinda clean freaks

when Torres brushes things off/doesn't take things srsly, Bishop & Reeves are there to ground him

when Bishop takes things too srsly, Torres & Reeves get her to lighten up & have fun

when Reeves is brooding, Bishop & Torres coax him out of his shell by being overly dramatic—eventually Reeves cracks a smile, bc no one can beat Drama Queen Nick, & Bishop knows this XD

since previous relationships haven't given her the impetus/opportunity (Jake) or the time (Qasim) to figure out how to be romantic,‎ Bishop makes a concerted effort w/Torres & Reeves

so one morning her boys wake up to discover a love letter from their Ellie

one letter, for the two of them—which isn't rly a problem but

the letter is. practically. a dissertation.

they wanna read it, but holy crap

they only get the chance after encouraging her to binge-watch sci-fi b movies with McGee one weekend

so they make a nice weekend of it, kick back, eat dinner w/o the fear of having someone ask if they're gonna finish what's on their plate and pore over the pages

Reeves finishes first & waits patiently for his boy to catch up bc every few paragraphs Torres has to stop to rub his eyes or temples bc jfc even when romancing Bishop still uses big words & uses a lot of them

altho when Torres is done, he can barely meet Reeves' eyes & vice versa bc wow Bishop is eloquent & managed to capture everything they feel, too

Reeves just loves it, while Torres feels he's been one-upped a little—but every time he tries to find the right words, all he can do is huff & hug & smooch, which Reeves gladly accepts

when Bishop comes home, her boys are surprisingly cuddlier than normal bc of her letter, which tickles her pink...until they actually manage to annoy her by being uncharacteristically clingy—"'kay, guys, I love you, too—but stop now"

considering the end results, Bishop doesn't write another love letter

but occasionally the boys discover love sticky notes from her—ones for Reeves on his neckties, ones for Torres on his haircare products XD

it's a practice the boys adopt, too

Reeves leaves his on her laptop or on the ice-cream carton in the freezer, as well as on Torres' gun or on the steering wheel of Torres' car

Torres places his on Reeves' shoes or on Reeves' badge, as well as on Bishop's hairbrush or in her pencil case

speaking of which, Bishop can draw from memory & from imagination, but her favorite sketches are the poses Reeves & Torres often provide—usually when tuckered out on the couch at home on weekends for every 5 scenes of Torres with his head on Reeves' shoulder, there's 1 of Reeves slumped over with his head on Torres' chest

Reeves knows better than to get btwn them when Torres & Bishop are bickering or even arguing—altho it'd be a lie if he didn't sometimes find it entertaining or cute bc ffs they're short & angry & that's adorable when they puff up their chests

similarly, Torres backs away when Reeves & Bishop are being brainy—on occasion he'll keep up, but sometimes he just calls Palmer so he can be silly & there's no one (aside from Reeves & Bishop) better to be silly with than Palmer—tho one night in jail makes them better-behaved these days

those rare moments when Torres & Reeves are being too "bro" do drive Bishop a little nuts; if ever they're too obnoxious, she drops the ol' "my brothers have been meaning to come visit" line & that sobers them up p fast

Torres' niece comes to visit &, on occasion, to stay w/them, but Torres still doesn't get how quickly she accepted his relationship w/his fellow agents—then again, she likes Reeves & Bishop better than she likes him (or so she teases her poor uncle)

ground rules #1: clothing must be worn at home, even pajamas except on intimate nights bc Nick Torres has a bad habit of going commando &, boy, they love you, but pls put some clothes on unless you're gonna deep clean everything you sit on

ground rules #2: Bishop & Torres keep a dry home for Reeves' good health, but Reeves doesn't veto them drinking—they just go out for a drink on occasion w/o him per his request (best nights usually are when he has a meeting)

on that note, Bishop borrowed reference materials from Abby, & Torres has learned how to make what seems to be every mocktail in the book (fab for when this trio wants to celebrate anything~)

ground rules #3: the only acceptable reason to stay up late is to watch scary movies, not to work—unless they're getting overtime; Bishop is the worst workaholic of the 3 of them, & there have been far too many times to count when Reeves & Torres have woken up in the middle of the night to find her at her laptop—Torres snatches it & puts it away while Reeves gathers her up in his arms to take her to bed (those nights also find her in the middle bc even in their sleep either boy will grab her wrist if she tries to escape, & they just tuck her back in)

Bishop doesn't mind having her hair tousled—Torres does Reeves' shins know the truth of this when he made that mistake once

only Bishop can get away w/booping their noses usually happens when she's sleep-deprived

Torres' infamous little dance has been seen by everyone in the squad by now...but there's an adults-only version for Reeves & Bishop that maybe quite possibly involves striptease idk

Torres teaches Reeves the lyrics to "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" for when Bishop is in a snit Bishop is Not Amused™

random hc: Reeves is too ripped, deffo played rugby growing up; Bishop tries to keep Torres from teasing him about the "booty shorts" part of the uniform...but Reeves breaks out an old uni, & jaws drop B3

^this makes them the nerd (Bishop), the loner (Torres), & the jock (Reeves), altho Reeves protests he wasn't the jock they think him to be, & Torres insists he himself was a jock & not a loner Bishop accepts & approves of her nerd status

basically—Ellick, Clellie, Click, or Clellick...these 3 are such soft goofs, send halp ;w;

#ncis #clellick #ellick #clellie #click #nick torres #ellie bishop #clayton reeves #headcanons #mew writes too much #this ot3 is <3 #but peeps c'mon they are so presh #long post

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rayliur · 5 years ago

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Little Fires Everywhere; Everything I Never Told You

“To say that Celeste Ng’s novels have changed my life is an understatement; her works have saved my life.”

by Ray Liu

Follow me on Twitter for more: https://twitter.com/rayliur

No, I’m not being dramatic. They really did.

I first discovered Miss Celeste Ng through Twitter. I believe one of my friends had retweeted her and her tweet made it to my feed. At the time, I wasn’t an avid reader; I barely picked up a book (and this was in 2016). Fast-forward three years, Ng had inspired me--through her two amazing novels--to write my own novel. But my novel isn’t the focus of this blog post.

See, my whole life as an Asian American was atypically strange. I thought it was just me, an individual who didn’t know how to navigate through life. Somewhere inside me longed to see someone--a successful someone--who represented me in this country. I was born in Manhattan, lived in Brooklyn throughout my childhood and early adulthood, and only recently moved to Queens. But I was born here. In America.

But I never read a single book in all my twelve years of school that was written by an Asian American. And as a Chinese-American boy in his teens, I thought that I could never write a book or even be part of the English/literary realm--because no one would want to listen to my stories. Because I am Chinese.

Of course, after high school, and during my journey of self-discovery, I came across works like Joy Luck Club ... that was it. So scratch off that s after “work.” Just work. I was young at the time, so that was not a book I paid attention to or spent time trying to read it or understand it.

There just wasn’t enough authors who looked like me or understood stories like mine.

Over the years, I’ve dealt with issues--personal issues. And they all stemmed from my oddly dysfunctional family. I’ve tried so many ways to express my feelings toward them and about them, but none of them worked. At least not to the extent I thought they would. And I couldn’t just tell them how I felt at the time because, in Chinese households, you just don’t talk about feelings. In fact, therapy is taboo. I screamed inside every day and night--they just didn’t understand what I was going through; that my identity here in this country felt diminished, on the brink of disappearing.

To say that I never thought about death is a lie.

Then I came across Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng.

“Ng,” I thought. “Interesting. An Asian-American author. Wow.”

It was at the Amazon Bookstore on 34th that I picked up the book. I was so excited. I had heard of Celeste Ng on Twitter, but never put two and two together until I googled her on my phone that day at the bookstore, and sure enough her bio popped up, including her Twitter page which I had already followed. I read the back cover. “Death!” I was immediately hooked.

The book opens with Lydia, who is dead. It’s not even a spoiler, because the whole story surrounds this incident--how Lydia’s family deals with her death and how her death reveals all the secrets that, in time, consume the family until everything falls apart. The title is elegantly designed. The choice of “I” instead of “She” or “They” had me thinking about the overarching frame of the novel. “I” applies to every character--not just one. Soon, I was swept into the seventies, where Ng takes me through a conservative society that frowned upon interracial couples, marriages, and relationships.

The first scene in this novel that stood out to me--made me rage and cry in joy--is the pool scene where Nathan (the oldest son) is bullied by white kids in a game of Marco Polo. “Chink can’t find China,” says one of the white kids at the pool (Ng 90). Ng unapologetically exposes racism in her novel by using Nathan as a target for these bleach-blond, ignorant white kids. I was Nathan. I had been in his shoes and reading this scene made me cry--not because it triggered horrific memories, but because I’ve finally found an author who gets it--who isn’t afraid to tell the whole truth, raw and with zero sugar coating.

Then there was the theme of death and suicide. Just to be clear, I’ve only thought about death--never did I ever try to harm myself in any way. Just like Lydia. SPOILER ALERT! Skip this paragraph if you haven’t read this book and are planning to read it in the near future. Lydia hates her life; she was always the quiet girl who got good grades (the stereotypical Asian) simply because she was afraid her mother would run away from her family, again. Of course, Lydia had nothing to do with Marilyn leaving. Needless to say, Lydia’s parents really fucked her up, mentally. Relatable? Fuck yes! Reading proses and passages from Lydia’s POV felt so real to me, like I had somehow channeled myself into her head. At the end, when she decides to challenge herself--rowing herself out to the middle of the lake--by swimming back ashore, she gave me hope. That, shit happens but you just have to choose to live and know that things will get better. Lydia dies of course, because she couldn’t swim and thinking you can swim is very different from knowing you can swim.

Not only does Ng break stereotypes in this novel, she bends the old narrative of Chinese Americans in the U.S. and points the fingers back at trashy white folks--all the while doing it with grace and perfection.

Little Fires Everywhere, however, had little takes on the Asian narrative. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t make a powerful statement through the lens of Asian Americans and racism toward Asian Americans. I’ll get to that very soon. This novel opens up with the Richardsons’ house burning down. And yes, this story focuses on a (presumably) white family--very privileged and very perfect in white standards. It takes place in Shaker Heights, Ohio, a town that was built on order and strict city-community planning. The streets are always clean and the color of houses all share one Home Depot swatch palette. Then comes the wild card character Mia Warren with her young daughter Pearl. Ng doesn’t specify Mia and Pearl’s race or ethnicity--but photos of the cast had been released by Hulu (due to the novel being picked up as an original series on the platform--congrats, Celeste!)--and I believe Kerry Washington is going to play Mia. With that little tidbit in my head, I read through the novel picturing Mia Warren as a black woman with a mixed-race daughter. It’s a great dynamic, actually. Mia inadvertently becomes the mirror that reflects all of Mrs. Richardson’s (and her family’s) pretentiousness and overly saturated life. That’s the synopsis.

SPOILER ALERT (again)! Skip this paragraph if you wish to read this book in the near future. Like I said earlier, there’s an Asian-American component to this novel. While drama ensues between the Richardsons and the Warrens, a subplot underlines the novel. Bebe Chow, a Chinese woman from Hong Kong (I believe it was HK), abandons her few-month-old child May Ling in front of a fire station. The city claims the orphan and hands her over to the McCulloughs, who could not have children because of infertility. Bebe puts her life back together again and decides she wants May Ling back--who now goes by Mirabelle, a white name given to her by a white family. Toward the end of the novel, a large chunk of it is dedicated to the court case that decided May Ling’s fate: to go with the McCulloughs or be returned to her biological mother. During that legal battle, Ed Lim comes in (Bebe’s attorney). Ed Lim is my favorite character, so my review here is clearly a little biased. Ng creates Ed Lim to be someone who breaks the stereotype of Asian men. Ed Lim is “six feet” tall, “lean and rangy” (Ng 258). Wow. Ng is a literary god. As Bebe’s attorney, Ed’s job is to win the case of course. He questions Mrs. McCullough regarding how she plans to raise a Chinese baby girl. McCullough replies that she would learn Chinese herself: but she doesn’t even know the difference between the variety of Chinese dialects (Shanghainese, Toisan, Mandarin, just to name a few). Then, McCullough shoots herself in the foot by telling him that she buys Mirabelle a lot of toys--namely a teddy bear. Oh, no--not just any bear. Because Mirabelle is Chinese, McCullough got her Chinese baby a fucking panda bear. I laughed so hard at this point. Ng is a genius. But what’s most important and to be taken seriously in this scene is when Ed Lim asks if Mirabelle has any dolls, you know, because most girls in the nineties had wanted to play with Barbie dolls. McCullough, confident and chest-puffed, answers him. “We buy her dolls ... one of them closes her eyes when you lay her down...” (Ng 261). This was when I knew exactly where Ng is going with this: the eyes. Ed Lim asks McCullough what the color of that doll’s eyes is and she says, “Blue” (Ng 261). He proceeds to lecture her, telling her that the Barbie company does not manufacture Chinese or Asian dolls. There is no doll that represents May Ling. Ah, America. Fucking up children of color since 1776. And Mirabelle would lose touch with her heritage as she grows older. A young impressionable girl without any understanding (real understanding) of her identity is dangerous. Just when I thought Ng was planning on drilling through her novel with the focus on a white and black family, she crashes through the fabric of her story with THIS! Only a true legend and storytelling extraordinaire can do things like this.

In conclusion, Celeste Ng is my hero. Her powerful proses articulate the issues of racism and cultural stereotypes in America, and the [inner] human psyche--all through the telling of interpersonal and small-scale stories--that majorly impacts the world we live in.

I hope you all get a chance to read both of her books. I would definitely recommend starting with Everything I Never Told You. I love her writing style in both novels. The debut novel interchanges between past- and present-tenses, which is refreshing. And Little Fires Everywhere is written in all past-tense, which helps the reader focus more on the story.

So like I said. These books saved my life. Ng gave me relatable characters that I absolutely cannot find elsewhere and plots that had me white-knuckle through both books. I truly hope that schools across the country add at least one of her works into their curriculum because it is THAT IMPORTANT.

Below is an excerpt from Little Fires that I tweeted earlier. It’s pretty self-explanatory. It entirely captured my current situation with my familial issues. And thank you Penguin Books for retweeting it!

(p. 294, 2019 ed.)

(From Twitter)

Thank you, Celeste! Thank you, Penguin, for picking up her works to publish.

Thank you for reading my thoughts on these two works.

Now, off I go, back to writing my own novel.

Ray

#celeste ng #little fires everywhere #everything i never told you #penguin books #asian american #chinese american

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moriacavandish · 4 years ago

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Growing old is a gift

What is it like being one year from the big 50? It's such a loaded question. I look back and it amazes me that I’m this old. It also reminds me of my failures, my mistakes, my joys and triumphs. All I can say about life so far. It's a bit of a drama, a few tear jerkers and a lot of comedy. Which year is my favorite year? Every single one. Which is my least favorite? Every single one. Being a parent was and is the most amazing thing that whatever creator or alien or whatever the latest conspiracy theorist believes being a parent is the most amazing frightening crazy time of a person's life. The struggle, the wonder if you will kill them before they turn 18.

I can say my son survived. Barely. After he left out, it was really hard, I found myself asking who am I? Who was I, and who will I become? I can say as an almost grown up, at least my body is grown up, older, brittle, sore, and don’ t get me started on my brain. Ooops let me get back there. Now what was I saying right barely avoiding killing my teenager. Growing a little creature in your belly changes you, I don’t mean looking down and I don’t have toes. I felt secure suddenly as if I knew what I was meant to do with my life. I made good choices and I made some really bad choices, but all in all parenting shaped me, it soothed the anxiety and the fear of not knowing who I was. Or where I belonged. So when my son left home, I fell hard. All the old questions came back. It wasn’t just the emotional change but the dramatic changes in my life, and routine. I no longer had to spend 23 hour of the day caring, and loving and feeding and changing a life. I was no longer needed as a primary caregiver. I was totally lost. I am proud to say I am only slightly lost now. I started to look at the good things. I met my soulmate, good thing, I published my first article? Good things.. I discovered I like to eat cookies, as much as I like baking them. I learned to love myself, to be patient when it came to the questions that still flood my head. Who am I? I am Moria, silly , funny, lovable, a loud snorer and generally a kind person, a little temper, and I cry if I can’t get a fish off my hook when I am fishing.

There were a few good things about getting older. I remember the day my doctor suggested, perhaps it was time for a hysterectomy. I could have been naked in seconds. I could just see that, he turns to get me a referral and I’m naked and ready. Bring it on! For a week before the surgery all I could think was no more Aunt flow, no more on the rag, and no more woman's special time of the month. Special, not the five letter word starting with a B, I was thinking. No other creature on this planet can bleed for 4 to 7 days and not be dead. I would pass by the wall of Girl crap at the grocery store, you know what I mean ladies. Feminine products cover an entire wall or shelf. It is vast don’t forget to bring water, or you might not make it to the other side. Is there really a need for 40000 types of pads, and another 10000 brands of tampons. But on this day I smiled, pointed at this box then that bag. I don’t need you, or you, and you forget about it. People are walking past and glancing curiously as I do a little happy dance. I stood proudly hands on my hips, laughing ha, I am a non bleeder! I laugh again, deeply from that menopausal belly I am free! I laugh again.. And pee. Fuck. Head down I take a few steps to the wall of old lady incontinence products. I sigh, and say aloud, Fuck. It's alway a trade isn’t it folks. You lose something and gain something. Besides what's a little pee, here and there.

I notice, my body is a symphony in itself. Ready and bend down and POP, stand up and CRACK, turn and CRUNCH, take a step and BAM you twist your ankle. I would bow, but my ankle…

The human body goes through 2 puberties ladies. We have all gone through one, but no one tells you after 40, you go through it again. Ladies, no matter how much we run on our damned treadmill there's always going to be that one spot that never gets smaller. Muffin top, that's a word I don’t appreciate. Why ruin the muffin’s reputation? They didn’t do anything wrong. Why name that layer of fat that tips over your jeans muffin tops? Muffin tops are yummy, they taste good and they make you happy. Again leave the muffin alone. Do you remember when your legs didn’t rub together when you walked, so far all it's gotten me is a nausty rash and I can barely move every second day of the week. This leads to me ordering take out Japanese. Can’t cook if you can’t lift anything heavy, like a frying pan. I tell myself if I order Japanese its fish, it's seaweed. How many calories could there possibly be? Then I order the chicken yakisoba and an order of deep fried vegetable tempura. Ding ding ding there's a few million calories. Back on the elliptical. Truly it's a terrible cycle. At some point I assume I’ll just eat as I work out.

What was I saying? I ask my partner that all the time, I can be in the middle of a conversation and suddenly I forget the next word coming from my mouth. Who does this? At least I keep my partner laughing, some days he just watches the chaos, have you ever been making food, you toss the box and have to dig in the garbage can to retrieve it because after four minutes I can’t remember how high to cook it on. I’m lying for 2 minutes. Then rummaging again into the trash to look at it once more. I sometimes laugh at myself. But for the most part, I just stare at my dogs and ask them, Really? Dogs, get dogs they said, they are so amazing, you will love them always. Not totally correct, don’t get me wrong I love my two Chihuahuas 99.999% of the time, Mackie and Lola Mae. But for 4 pound and 5 pound dogs they have a way of taking up most of a queen size bed. They don’t follow the rules very well, and if you don’t give them what they want they will hide under a blanket on their 300 dollar sofa and bark at me, forever. I own a sofa and recliner yet I spend most of my time on the floor. Get dogs, they said it would be fun. It's fun, when they don’t listen, and run straight up to a skunk’s ass. Rock paper scissors is how we decide who does the bathing. We all know that it is a stupid game; and I do the washing. Getting back to the memory thing? Cause in point re read the last paragraph as it had nothing to do really with memory more to do with dogs.

I once lost my wallet for an entire month. What about when someone asks you what your children's year of birth is? Is there anyone out there that suddenly freezes and starts counting toes? Anyone ever play find your glasses? I prefer Clue. Ever forget a phone number! Your own phone number? God help me cell phones have made me stupid. Who memorizes numbers anymore. If you look at my kitchen wall, it's covered in sticky notes. I started buying multi colored packs, at least it looks pretty.

Regardless I look forward to new things, I am still learning, still healing and still laughing. Life has a way of surprising us, I heard someone say once, “Growing old is a gift.” how true those words are. Stay funny, laugh make mistakes, have the big slice of cake!

#age growingold Adviceonaging

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