#just a deeply unsettling god child

[kayspaceprinceart]

Thinking about Agreus, a Dionysian type god of the wild, dancing, and storytelling again

Also it’s been SO long since a work doodle… wow

[orkbutch]

I really love that the origin playthroughs add real, otherwise inaccessible context for what the origin characters are experiencing and how their world view works, its amazing. That said first experiencing the actual lived reality of Shar's wound on Shadowheart's hand was fucking gutting. Not a mere bad = pain shock collar, but traumatic visions of being abused as a child forced into her head. Your Goddess who you love and who you fear utterly holds a controller that allows her to trigger & retraumatise you at any moment, and she does it when she arbitrarily disapproves of your thoughts and feelings.

Not only is that obviously deeply controlling and traumatising itself, it also captures an experience I think is really interesting, and may be unique to Shadowheart's Lack Of Autonomy Trauma (tm); it turns her automatic internal self, not just her body or thoughts but her Feelings, into things that she fears, and things that betray her. Who she is becomes a threat that she must resist expressing or even experiencing at all, because Shar may notice and punish her for it.

This is why I think of Shadowheart as most likely to be highly dissociative (on top of yknow, the lost time, the focus on oblivion, the routine abuse and the alienation from herself), because she can't really retreat inwards. Even the internal world is unsafe and needs to be escaped sometimes. When thats the case, you either sedate yourself (which I hc that she probably does too often) or you fracture, and numb out.

I think this is why Shadowheart seems to be the least obviously angry of all the companions toward her abuser; anger, even secretly held within to fester into resentment and rage, could not be abided. It had to be totally muted. When she turns from Shar, she is not angry but fearful, regretful, sad, confused. Even when she's free from the wound, she is more mournful than angry. She is ashamed, and deeply devestated. But she doesn't express rage. That emotion is still locked away for her.

I wonder how this impacts Shadowheart's self-trust. Her ability to believe herself, to trust her thoughts and emotions are real. I speculate that Shadowheart internally probably would dismiss lots of thoughts, feelings and desires she had as her being stubborn and disobedient. They were punished as such since she was a child, why wouldn't she believe it? It's difficult to live like that. Nothing feels certain. Nothing but something undeniably bigger than yourself, like faith or a God or the abuser that has put themself there.

When I think about that and the wound on her hand, and Shar's utter cruelty... I'm just floored by how brave Shadowheart is. In most cases, if you've befriended Shadowheart and been nice enough, she will choose to save The Nightsong without any input from you. She is so, so brave. She wants to fight for what feels right, for freedom, and for herself, even when she knows what Shar can and does do to her. She faces down the wrath of a capricious Goddess she's personally angered, and handles it with unsettling grace. Shes so used to pain, and making herself nonexistent, but she still fights for herself. I just love her so much

[queer-reader-07]

you know what i think really gets me as a good omens fan who also grew up catholic? the very human approach it takes to morality.

i can’t speak for every denomination of christianity, but i can speak to catholicism. i grew up in the church, i went to catholic school, i was confirmed for fuck’s sake. i know the catholic church. the ways in which it eats away at your self esteem. the ways in which it makes you feel like you are a terrible person because you’ve sinned in one way or another. the way you’re taught the concept of original sin as though it isn’t deeply unsettling to believe that all humans are born corrupt. you’re taught that you were born tainted by satan, you as a baby you as a child you who doesn’t even know your place in this world yet. you are sinful because you are human.

there is no room for shades of grey in catholicism. you have either sinned or you haven’t. you are either good or you are bad. you are either going to heaven or you are cursed to damnation. (yeah yeah purgatory and all that but if i’m being honest the diocese i was a part of never really talked about it)

we all know the church is corrupt. every catholic knows that, but whether or not we ever admitted it to ourselves and accepted it as truth is another story. you cannot deny the staggering statistics regarding catholic priests assaulting and molesting children. you cannot deny the financial corruption that has been present in the institution for centuries. but you can ignore it. you can ignore it and pretend like the church is perfect and good because if you allow yourself to admit it’s issues, you admit that maybe your entire world view is flawed. that maybe the idea of morality as being black and white is wrong.

that's what i grew up with. with these contradictory beliefs. these adults in power telling me i was inherently sinful because i was human while also being told that God loves me. that God will save me from myself. so i grew up thinking someone else could fix me. because if i was inherently bad i couldn't fix myself.

but of course, the truth is, i don't need fixing. i'm not broken or bad. i'm human.

when aziraphale described adam as "human incarnate" i got EXTREMELY emotional. because to be human incarnate is to be not good or bad. it's to just be. be whoever it is you are. make the best choices you can. will they all be perfect? of course not. but will you be trying your damndest? yes.

good omens is a breath of fresh air for me and my religious trauma because the thesis of the story is that black and white thinking is unproductive at best and actively harmful at worst. you cannot live a fulfilling life while also believing there is only Bad and Good, and that Bad and Good are inherent.

good omens is a comfort because it reminds me in more ways than one that i'm worthy of love. i'm worthy of life. i don't have to be perfect, far from it. i'm allowed to be messy and make mistakes, but none of that means i don't deserve to be here. none of that means i'm a Bad Person. i'm just, A Person.

i'm trying. i've always tried. tried to love the best i can, tried to be the best person i can be, tried to live my life to the fullest, tried to cultivate joy for myself.

my brain is a mess. and 15 years, give or take, of being fully immersed in the catholic church (including 7 years of catholic school) definitely didn't help. i am still riddled with catholic guilt and toxic mental frameworks because of the time i spent in the church.

but good omens helps me work through it just that little bit more. it's there in its corner of my heart saying "hey. you're human. you're not Bad or Good, you're You. and you're trying."

it's... comforting. yeah, i think that's the right word.

[hurtmyfavsthanks]

the previous prompt has me kicking my feet

Caretaker keeps whumpee on their lap, wrapped in a jacket, held oh so tightly against their chest. The normally touch repulsed whumpee is keening under any skin to skin contact, as their nerves are fried with sensation. Mumbling something incoherent about something or other into caretakers shoulder.

caretaker is treating them for wounds/exposure/overall drugging, but it’s like trying to pull teeth. Whumpee is now at the point in their high that they’re figuring out ‘oh hey, I have a body’ and is wriggling.

(the post in question is HERE)

I hope you know, honest to god I screamed reading this. A good scream, a ‘oh i love what I just read’ scream. The idea of Caretaker just trying to wrangle Whumpee in their lap is killing me.

I feel like the situation would tow a very fine line between kinda hilarious and deeply unsettling. Because yes, having your typically reserved, serious Whumpee wriggling in your arms like a pouty child is a little funny. But also, seeing Whumpee act so deeply unlike themselves, so totally unable to control themselves, is undeniably unsettling.

It’s such a strange situation. It’s frustrating and terrifying, and it makes Caretaker feel deeply, deeply alone. Because even with them physically in their lap, Whumpee is still miles away.

I just imagine Whumpee clinging to Caretaker like a koala, legs wrapped around their torso and arms over their shoulders, head tucked into their neck. Despite how close they are, Caretaker can’t make out a single word they say.

Maybe Caretaker tries to crack a joke, tries to focus on the humor in the situation instead of the anxious protectiveness they feel at Whumpee’s current state. But when Whumpee looks up at them, eyes foggy with barely a hint of awareness, Caretaker’s forced, weak little smile crumbles.

Caretaker decides that tending to their injuries can wait. None of them seem life threatening, and it’s likely Whumpee isn’t even aware of them. Instead they sit there, rubbing comforting circles in one of the few unblemished parts on their back, and hope Whumpee returns to them sooner than later.

[judasgot-it]

Ello o/, may i request again (dk if i can tho, don't feel pressured if not maken), really love the post you made for the request my heart literally- aawkwkw, i have so many things to say to that post but really busy asfck like if i wnated to, i could literally write a essay or thesis statement, */ahem anyway

BSD boys, while having a fighting/argument with s/o they suddenly grip they're s/o's wrist too hard and ended up leaving a mark (they didn't mean to tho ;-;) that reminded the reader's past child abuse/not used to this type of conflict which lead to angst to comfort or just angst hehe. Idk this is just a random 2am thought(my time rn) I have classes later waking up at 4am too…

AHHHHHH omg yes I'm so sorry I haven't like set up any request rules yet which I should do lol, but I'm so shehejwj but I don't have limits on requests! I just try to get to them when I can <3 Also I'm so sorry about the late response! College is hard x[

But also, I wanna do some scenarios for this, so I'm gonna have to only pick a few that I feel I can write the best for this if that's ok cause ngl I feel the mercury retrograde rn,,,

Scenario: Accidentally triggering past abuse/trauma during an argument (Ranpo, Dazai)

Ranpo

Ranpo was a rather loud guy. That's not his fault, since he's only loud whenever he has a reason to be - he's confident because he knows he can get away with it. He's smart enough to survive some of the most dangerous killers, and is bold enough to laugh in their face about it too.

But god is it aggravating as hell whenever you want to truly talk to the man one on one. Sometimes, you just want to have a normal date with him - like a normal couple and do normal couple stuff.

Like right now, you just want to walk down this busy street and not have to listen to him boast about how stupid people were. It was embarrassing how loud he was about it, how the person who got hit with a car could have easily avoided it had they just checked both sides of the street.

A normal conversation to have after witnesses a horrible event, but you could feel the stares from across the street from the mans wife. Especially towards Ranpo, who seemed to have no social boundaries as everyone else in the area seemed to instead be occupied with the normal human behavior of freaking out after witnessing a man flying in the air and being hit by a car.

To save face, you dragged him away, with him still talking about it as if it were a normal everyday thing. In his world, it probably was - but not to you. Not to normal people, who didn't think about death everyday.

"Ranpo, you need to quiet down."

"What? I'm just saying. It was pretty avoidable you know?"

You turned around to glare at him, gripping your enclasped hands tightly. He thought nothing of it, swirling his ramune bottle rather casually. The ball clinked around with each step the both of you took together.

"I know that. But you do know that it's pretty insensitive to say that in front of him and the wife who saw her husband get hit with a car."

"Y/n."

You were forced back as Ranpo stopped on the sidewalk. It was apart of a narrow stretch of road, empty and away from the commotion, which forced you to look at him. He was staring at you with his eyes, as if trying to puzzle something.

"You don't actually care about them."

There was a pause. You blinked once. Then twice.

"What do you mean by that?"

He held your hand tighter, almost painfully so.

"You don't really care about them that much. So why are you defending them?"

His viridian eyes bore into yours, which deeply unsettled you. He meant nothing by it, especially with the iron grip he had on your hand which kept you in your spot.

"Because not everyone is a superfreak like you Ranpo!"

But it made you incredibly uncomfortable.

You felt the need to defend yourself, somehow.

"Some people have 'empathy' which I know is a foreign concept to people like you."

It was as he cocked his head to the side, like a crow trying to understand what you had just told him. It was as if what you just said had gone right through him, like the wind.

"You don't mean that."

He pulled you towards him. You tried to step back, but you only found yourself stepping around and trying to find your balance again.

You flinched when Ranpo reached to balance you, but you still felt the energy from your sudden bout of frustration pumping through your body. It was embarrassing, but your mind and body were reacting all on their own.

Ranpo kept staring at you, looking past your angry scowl and into something deeper.

"I'm not your enemy Y/n, I know you're upset but there's something more."

He left you feeling naked there.

"It's not that deep. You don't need to defend yourself against me."

You looked down, avoiding his eyes. The sidewalk underneath you was rather cracked and abandoned - there was a dandelion growing just underneath your feet, a rather resilient flower.

"I'm not defending myself, I'm just..."

Ranpo lifted your chin up so you could meet his eyes again, which were now softer, as they had quickly figured out the puzzle that he's struggled with.

You looked back at him. A part of you wanted to keep arguing - it was in your nature, to keep fighting. Unfortunately, it was something you've done for a long time, which Ranpo has figured out by now.

Another thing that made you feel a little uncomfortable.

He met you with a cheeky smile, like a little rat. He closed his eyes, his cheeks raising to meet his eyes.

"I know. You're a good person Y/n."

Dazai

"I just don't think you understand. I can't expect you to, but it's not your problem, so why are you so upset about it?"

Dazai was looking at you from the couch, watching as you were once again picking up bottles he had left from one of his drinking binges. He still smelled of last night, wearing the same clothes and smelling of the various drinks he had lost himself in.

"It clearly is my problem. I'm the one cleaning up your mess right now, so how could I not be involved? Dear god, do you ever look at yourself and want to even try to be better?"

Dazai looked at you, sitting up from his previous lounging position. He stared up, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared at you - his eyebags prominent in the early morning sunlight.

"What do you mean 'try' to be better? Have you ever even known what it's like to be like this?"

You rolled your eyes, dragging the bag to the front door so you could later bring it to the dumpster of your apartments. In your eyes, he was clearly being dramatic - sitting like some sort of mafioso, needing only a cigarette to seal the deal.

"Everyone has had it hard at one point Dazai. Losing yourself to alcohol every night and weekend doesn't justify it. You have a life to live you know? It's worth living."

You heard footsteps approach behind you, and looked up to see Dazai standing a little too close for comfort. His body was warm, and you could see the sweat and stains on his bandages. His hair was usually fluffy hair was greasy, but his eyes - they were dark, simply staring down at you.

"What do you know about living?"

"What?"

He had backed you into the wall, his hands now on either side of you, blocking you from exiting the danger that had become him and whatever emotional rage he had thrown himself into.

"You act like you know so much about life but you know nothing! You don't know anything about death or life - I don't think you know anything at all really. You feel all too comfortable making these assumptions about me when you don't know who I am, do you?"

He was smiling but it didn't reach his eyes at all.

You pushed at him, trying to find space to escape from his hold. His clothes and warmth made you want to burn your skin and run at that moment, and you closed your eyes in order to avoid the worst of your fears as you knew he was staring at you with those eyes that seemed to hold nothing but contempt in that very moment.

When you couldn't break free, instead feeling him pressing himself more against you, you felt your eyes begin to tear up.

"Dazai get the fuck away me."

"Or what? What will you do, oh sweet belladonna?"

You could feel tears build up in your eyes as your pushing did nothing against him - so you resorted to what you knew would work.

You raised your knee as hard as you could, and watched as Dazai fell hard on the ground, falling like a sack of potatoes. He writhed around, clutching his pearls while you gripped your pants, trying to soothe your nerves.

"Dazai I'm..."

You looked around your apartment, looking at the mess that it had become because of him. You looked back down at him, who was still on the ground and wasn't saying anything.

"Dazai I'm going to leave for a bit. Sorry."

I'm so sorry this took so long waaaaahh I'm a slow writer I'm working on it tho ;( also I was thinking about doing Jouno but I felt that it would've been super harsh so maybe I'll do him another time

[sinvilles]

additional thoughts: why cancelling the show actually did Orel's character so so so dirty

disclaimer again: I'm unconcerned about redemption because I'm not a fuckin lutheran. I'm a writer and I like sociological stories and seeing characters achieve wholeness within narrative. moral orel is a unique case because the story was cut short halfway through, and all character arcs were arrested at their lowest point in the narrative, except for some characters on the side who were just kind of beginning to shine.

The gist of the matter is that Moral Orel was cancelled because the executive producer's favorite character was supposed to grow up and he had a problem with that not being very funny. Orel was supposed to go from a naive and well-meaning albeit trouble-making child to a very mature and thoughtful young teenager. The beginnings of this were in Nature, and the way people respond to that you'd think this was the point of his character arc, that the end of it was just him realizing his dad wasn't shit and that's the conclusion of his story. That was just the start.

Orel was supposed to experience profound loss for the first time. He was supposed to grow more open minded and perceptive and thoughtful, and actively question his small world and what was being fed to him. Orel was going to have a crisis of faith. HE WAS GOING TO HAVE AN EMO PHASE. There was a lot that was going to occur for his character, but it was cut short and so when they put that happy ending in the finale it feels more like aftercare after a deeply bleak and unsettling turn of events. Just because you get aftercare from a story that only resolves issues to a halfway point, doesn't make a proper ending. The narrative, the writers, the audience have emotional investment in these characters.

Sure, we joke that we hate the characters and that they deserve their misery- and where the story ended, they deserved their misery. It didn't have to be that way. These characters are well written enough to hate, to love, to consider and reconsider over and over. Secretly we all wanted them to grow- even Clay, a character so damaged and ruined he seems bereft of any of god's mercy.

But this assumption that Orel had a full character arc- its insulting to him. Especially the jump to "and then miraculously he had a happy family with Christina the end." Characters become whole through their struggles, because through it they reach a sense of understanding. Orel had come to a couple of understandings by season three- God isn't just in church, and his father is a flawed and hurt individual. Then what? does he just repress everything and go about his life? Hating his father and opposing him was the start of a new arc, not the end of his story. Fuck man, it makes him seem immature.

I mean, if its the end of anything it feels like the end of his innocence, not his story. In one of the unmade scripts, Narcissism, there's this confession to Putty:

shit man he's worried about his dad getting sadder? This child is so beautiful and pure, fuck man I wish the fandom remembered him like this and not like the bleak combined ending of Nesting and Honor. 13 is such an unlucky number. they should have stopped at Sacrifice. and also:

YES OREL, REPRESSION IS BAD! You're doing so good baby boy

Beforel Orel was a fun excursion, and it brought a new angle to his (very strongly hinted to be neurodivergent) character. but it mostly told us things we already knew. and the thought that we'll never get any more.... shit hurts. Idk I don't have much to say other than I'm sad. in conclusion

[narcissistcookbook]

Hi! I just found your Tumblr and I love your music! I have to ask, what was going through your mind when you made the 'apple' song? I absolutely love it so much! I love the beginning where it's a conversation between Eve and Lucifer, then the breakdown of him singing! Just the storytelling is amazing! So I really wanted to know what was your thought process through the song :3 🫶

thank you! 💜

I ran a songwriting workshop for a while, and much like @jammechanics today I'd set writing prompts for the group and myself. The prompt that week was apple, and I wrote two tracks - the first was a rough draft of Apple, and then when that didn't come together in time I wrote a dumb Prince pastiche called Golden Delicious

I've always been attracted (in a secular way for the most part) to Christian mythology/imagery and broad mysticism. I was raised atheist and didn't attend church except once a year early on as part of school, and it's so fundamentally strange as a secular child to hear this mishmash of stories indistinguishable from fairytales - the garden of eden, noah, the nativity, the crucifixion - except these ones are presented in a deeply formal context and are meant to be real.

That sounds super r/atheist of me, but that isn't how I mean it. I was sincerely intrigued by the stories and, since they were presented as Things That Actually Happened, I had a bunch of questions about the lore implications of the more abstract stories that no one could really answer. Why did the wise men follow a star? Why did the angels appear to a bunch of shepherds? Why don't angels appear anymore? Why was God such a tetchy butthole in the garden of eden? What was so bad about the apple and the tree? Was the snake the devil, because those guys are by far the most interesting characters in all of these stories and why aren't they featured more? Snake spinoff when?

So I guess I'd been writing that extended Snake/Eve fanfic in the back of my mind for ages. That specific interaction is meant to be the inciting incident at the root of the entirety of human history, and it's just brushed past in the most unsatisfying way.

To answer some other questions around Apple: no I haven't read or seen Good Omens; yes 'It's Dark Materials' is a reference to Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials; the snake calls God 'It' in a dehumanising way because It's literally not human and isn't there something unsettling about an extradimensional, incomprehensible entity going i̵m̷ ̷a̵ ̴b̷o̵y̵ ̷l̵o̸l̸

[cogentsummoner]

Hi! So I'm rereading the Smite soulmate au and I was curious- Will we ever find out what exactly their soulmate marks are? Based on chapter 2 its a mark or something on the wrist. Is it a picture or certain word?

Also idk if you had plans to write out the actual scene of Smite and reader meeting for the first time but him kidnapping them and bombarding them with questions always sounded so funny 😭 I personaly would love a fleshed out scene of that if it's something you've thought about writing!

This fic is everything and I'm obsessed 💖

so i was largely gonna leave the soulmark designs up to reader interpretations, mostly because i don't really have any specific symbolism in mind for them. like, its not a sunflower or something like that. its just a kind of... curvy little design. if i had to pin down a design for it, it looks something like this!

as for how the reader and smite met.... well. let's just say it was a rocky beginning.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

You took stock of the situation; you weren't injured- anymore, that is- but you were deeply fatigued and pinned down amongst the rubble. You could hear the sounds of battle, far too close for comfort. Your left arm was stuck, your wrist- your soulmark - exposed to the world.

Gazing at its familiar looping design, you felt your tired eyes fill with tears. Were you going to die? Before ever having gotten to meet your soulmate? You'd been waiting for them for such a long time… it wasn't fair. Fuck, it wasn't fair!

Without warning, something crashed like a comet nearby, it's impact making the earth tremble- and making your coffin almost complete. You could barely see anything anymore, just a sliver of light penetrating the oppressive darkness.

You heard the sound of heavy, stomping footsteps approaching, and a deep, distorted laugh, and found yourself frozen in fear. Oh god. You were going to die, weren't you? This was it.

Cowering in fear, you remained silent- and All Might, King of Chaos, Symbol of Fear- he almost passed you by without noticing you.

But something caught his eye, and he stopped. Right in front of you.

"What is this?" he breathed out. There was no cocky malice in his voice- only genuine confusion… no, wonder?

Suddenly, you could feel the ground shake a little as he dropped to his knees, clearing away the rubble and debris pinning your arm down. Once it was free, he… cradled your arm, your wrist, gently, as if it was something precious.

"Hey- hey! Are you alive under there? Can you hear me?" came the voice of All Might as he… began digging you out.

"I'm here," you replied, voice shaking with terror. You begged pathetically, "Please don't hurt me."

"No- no, no, no, I'd never hurt you," All Might reassured you in a way your exhausted mind couldn't comprehend.

He pushed aside huge chunks of cement and rubble like they were nothing, pulling you out and then holding you with his hands under your armpits, as if you were a small child. You stared into the unforgiving and uncaring mask of the most dangerous man in the world, and you could do little more than tremble like a frightened prey animal.

"Hey, it's okay!" All Might said, his voice changer making what was surely supposed to be a comforting statement into an unsettling one. "I'm not gonna hurt you, and I'm not gonna let anyone else hurt you. I promise."

"Why?" you whispered, your confusion only feeding into the fear.

"Oh- right. Got a little ahead of myself!" All Might replied with a belly laugh. He put you down gently, and then- to your horror- rolled up his left sleeve.

It was a perfect match. It was a perfect match of your soulmark.

You stared, uncomprehending, until it finally clicked.

Tears welled up in your eyes. They were not tears of joy.

When the sound of the Number One Hero's yell reached the two of you, the moment was cut short, and All Might made his move.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

All Might was on cloud fucking nine.

Literally, as in he was bounding high in the air, from building to building, as Endeavor blazed after him like a fiery comet- but also metaphorically, because he had, at long last, found his soulmate.

"Where are you from? Where'd you grow up? What do you do for a living?" he asked, voice loud enough to carry over the intense wind rushing past the two of you. There was just so much he wanted to know about you- it'd been a little over forty years since his soulmark appeared, and he wanted to know every detail of what had happened to you in that time. He was so goddamn excited, a warm bubbling feeling taking root where his stomach should be. "What's your favorite color? And food? And flower?"

You only answered one of his questions, your voice barely above a whisper. "Daisies," he could barely make out. "I like daisies."

"Daisies are nice!" he replied cheerily.

It took him a few more minutes to get Endeavor off his tail, but finally, he came to a stop on a rooftop in a quiet section of town. He gingerly took you off his shoulder and set you down on the ground, and you immediately leaned on him for support, which he was more than happy to give you.

"Are you alright?" he asked, which- in hindsight, it was a stupid question. He could admit that now. But in the moment, he was just...worried about you.

Your grip on his arms tightened, and you laughed. It was a harsh, hysterical sound.

"No!" you shouted, tears once again filling your eyes. "No, I'm not alright! I-I was buried alive because of your stupid fight, then I'm 'rescued' only to find out the Number One Villain is my soulmate, and now-! Now you've kidnapped me, and I'm so nauseous from all that jumping, I could puke! So, no, I'm not alright! In fact, this is perhaps the worst day of my fucking life!"

For a long moment, All Might simply stood there, still as a statue, your words making his heart freeze over, then shatter. You were trembling, and you refused to look at him- finally, he realized the obvious. You were terrified of him.

Before he could say anything, you let go of him, taking a few stumbling steps back from him, your back hitting the wall of the rooftop door. Your hands covered your tired, dusty face, and you sobbed as you slid down against the wall, pulling your knees close to your body.

You looked so fucking heartbroken. So genuinely fucking upset. Upset that he was your soulmate.

Minutes passed in silence as you wept, and All Might fought the sudden, pathetic urge to do the same. You didn't want him. You were afraid of him, you hated him!

He'd been so excited to finally meet you. After so many long years of isolation, necessitated by his crusade against All for One, he had hoped that when he did finally find his soulmate…

He wanted you to love him. You were supposed to love him.

This wasn't fair.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

This wasn't fair.

Your soulmate was supposed to be someone charming and sweet and kind- not a villain. Not the Villain. Not a murderer, a monster. What had you done to deserve this?

Slowly, you stopped crying, having no tears left in you. You were exhausted, physically and emotionally, and now you had a headache on top of everything else. You simply curled up, resting your forehead on your knees as you hugged them, and closed your eyes.

You tried not to jump when you heard heavy footsteps approaching you, but despite your efforts, you flinched. You could hear All Might sigh, then came the rustling of buckles and leather. When he spoke again, his voice was noticeably different.

"I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't… mean to kidnap you. I… I just couldn't leave you behind, and Endeavor…" he said. His voice was deep and low, almost soothing.

You opened your eyes and tried not to gasp at the startlingly handsome face of an unmasked All Might. Chiseled features, hypnotic blue eyes, and golden, slicked back hair… Nothing could've prepared you for the sight of the Number One Villain's true face.

You furrowed your eyebrows. "So I can go home whenever I want?" you asked. Handsome though he may be… he was still All Might. This changed nothing.

He nodded, mouth set in a firm line. "Of course. I can drop you off-"

"If you're going to jump like you did to get here, then absolutely not," you interrupted sourly. Then, quietly, you added, "I'm afraid of heights."

He winced, then rubbed the back of his neck. Seemingly embarrassed, he mumbled, "…sorry."

He reached out a hand, to place on your shoulder, but you immediately tensed and said, in a voice as cold as ice, "Don't. Don't touch me."

You could see him swallow thickly, and he nodded. "Alright. Alright," he replied with a sigh, just the barest hint of… disappointment? sadness? in his expression. He took a few steps away from you, then asked, "Is it okay if I sit down here?"

You had to bite down a hysterical laugh. The most dangerous man in the world, asking for permission from you? What a joke.

You nodded warily. "Fine."

All Might sat down across from you, brows furrowed as he seemed to study you. You merely closed your eyes and rested your forehead on your knees again.

Finally, he spoke. "I… I know I'm not… what you wanted-"

You let out a derisive snort.

"-but we are soulmates, and… and I'd like the chance to get to know you," he said, sounding incredibly sincere, if not somber.

You contemplated his words for a minute, then replied, "There is quite literally nothing I could do to stop you from doing… anything, really. If you wanted to stalk me every moment of every day, there is no force on this planet I could enlist to get you to go away. If you wanted to actually kidnap me on purpose, then I doubt anyone could save me. Don't pretend like I have a choice in all of this."

You opened your eyes, and looked up to see unmistakable hurt in All Might's expression. He was quick to hide it, but his stricken face sat heavy in your mind.

"You do have a choice," he insisted. "I don't- I don't want to force you to do anything! I won't! I want you to…"

"To want you? To love you? Of my own free will?" you supplied, letting out a heavy sigh and straightening out your legs. You folded your hands in your lap.

A fierce blush bloomed on All Might's face, even as he looked away. "…yeah."

"I don't know if I can do that," you answered honestly.

His eyes squeezed shut, and his hands clenched into fists. "Can you… can you give me a chance at least? Please?"

Without his eyes on you, you stared at him unabashedly, then let out another sigh. "If I do, and the answer is still no, I do not or cannot love you at the end of it, will you accept that? Will you leave me alone? Or should I fear for my life if I do reject you?"

His mouth trembled. "I would never hurt you. No matter what you do to me, or how you feel, I-I… I could never hurt you. Please, please- if nothing else, please believe me on that."

You were quiet for a long moment, letting the two of you stew in the mess of emotions you were both feeling, before finally replying, "Okay. Alright. I'll give you a chance."

And with that decision, you sealed your fate.

[arxims]

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐂𝐊 ᶠᴼᵁᴿ

Returning to Seoul was a decision that you finally ended up in , given that it was the place where you spent your past years. Leaving your messed up past behind, you made the conscious choice to return to Seoul in order to breathe new life into your existence. Little did you know that this decision would change your life. For the good or bad. As you reconnected with an old friend from your past, you were introduced to his younger brother, whose presence became far more significant in your life in a twisted way than you thought.

Pairing : jungkook x reader 

genre/au : a lot of angst, smut, killer!Jungkook, non idol au, violence. 

Warnings : graphic depiction of violence and gore, lots of blood, mentions of rape, smut, sexual activity, toxic Jungkook, red flag Jungkook, psychopathic behavior red flag behavior, mentally disturbed characters, suicide, murder, depictions of torture, serial killing, lots of trauma, depression, criminal behavior, murderous tenancies, possible major character death, mentions child abuse and child pornography, unprotected sex, cumming, teasing, commitment issues. 

Rating : only suitable for mature readers 

Word count : 7.5 k

MASTERLIST

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"Jungkook's not here?" 

Jungkook's absence was immediately noticed by you as you entered Taehyung's home. Taehyung, visibly exhausted from a long day at work, was lounging on the couch, engrossed in a TV show. You took a seat beside Taehyung. With a weary smile, Taehyung responded, "He's out, God knows where." Over time, you had transitioned from being just a friend to feeling like a member of Taehyung's family, allowing you the privilege of entering his home without the need to knock.

As you settled in, a weight on your mind prompted you to share your concerns with Taehyung. "There's something, Tae. Something that bothers me," you expressed, your gaze shifting to the Korean comedy show playing on the screen. Taehyung, sensing the seriousness in your tone, sat up attentively and lowered the volume to listen intently. "What is it? I'm here to talk," he reassured you, meeting your eyes with a look of genuine concern.

"It's about Jungkook," you confided softly. Taehyung's protective instincts immediately kicked in as he inquired, "What about him? Did he say something?" The thought of Jungkook potentially causing you distress stirred a protective urge within Taehyung, who regarded you as a cherished younger sister. "No," you responded, "But I don't know what I am to him, Tae. He's not even giving me an answer. He loves me, he's my boyfriend. But he's not letting me make anything official.

Taehyung raised an elegant eyebrow, his curiosity piqued by the situation unfolding before him. Observing Jungkook's behavior, he couldn't help but ponder if his brother had finally found solace in a single relationship. Jungkook's constant chatter about you, both at home and elsewhere, with your name ever-present on his lips, led Taehyung to believe that Jungkook was deeply enamored with you. The intensity of Jungkook's feelings was unmistakable, mirrored in your own actions and words.

As Taehyung mulled over the situation, a furrow creased his brow, reflecting his confusion at the lack of an official commitment between you and Jungkook. "What do you mean it isn't official?" he inquired, his expression a mix of concern and bewilderment.

In response, you poured out your heart, expressing your inner turmoil. Despite being treated well and loved by Jungkook, the absence of a formal label for your relationship left you feeling unsettled. "I know he loves me and cares for me, but he hesitates to define our relationship," you confided in Taehyung, your eyes brimming with unshed tears. The fear of losing Jungkook to another woman weighed heavily on your mind, tugging at your heartstrings.

Taehyung gazed into your eyes, his own reflecting a blend of worry and contemplation. The question lingered in the air, "What is he up to?" The complexity of emotions and unspoken desires hung palpably in the air, creating a web of uncertainty and longing.

"You asked him about making your relationship official. What was his reply?" 

"He said he doesn't wanna put a label on our relationship," you sighed, feeling a sense of desperation creeping in. Despite this, you believed it was a risk worth taking. 

"All I want is to be with him, Tae. To build a life together, start a family, and grow up in a small home. That's all I yearn for," you pleaded, knowing that only Taehyung possessed the ability to navigate this situation. He was the sole individual Jungkook would listen to.

"I asked him to meet my parents and he acted like he… HeHe only loves me for sex” you gazed at Taehyung with pleading eyes, hoping for a solution. "Please, convince him to meet my parents."

Following a moment of contemplation, a glimmer of hope flickered in your eyes as Taehyung offered, "I will try. I'll try and talk to him”

It was late, almost nine when Jungkook returned after his meeting with Yoongi. He was proud of the widespread news of Hajoon's murder and echoes his glorious name - the shadow reaper. 

He slowly closed the door of the house. As he turned back, his eyes met with the figure of Taehyung with his arms crossed. “Look, We need to Talk, Kook” Taehyung's voice sounded serious, it worried Jungkook a bit considering the fact that Taehyung was rarely serious. 

“Hyung.. Talk about what?” Jungkook's eyebrow raised. “About you, (Y/N) and your relationship with her. What are you upto?” His arms uncrossed as he raised his voice slightly. A scolding tone evident. 

“What are you saying, hyung?”

“Aren't you two together?  Then why can't you just fucking meet her parents. Poor thing only asked you to make it official and You turned that down?” Taehyung spat. He clearly despises Jungkook's actions sometimes and this was one of them. 

“Because I didn't feel like it. Did she tell you about it? She came to you whining?” Jungkook talked back. He threw his coat on the couch putting his hand in his pocket. 

“The matter is. You're making her confused. If you're her boyfriend, you should act like it. You're acting like you don't even love he-”

“Because I don't. . I'm not sure about it, hyung. But I need her”

Taehyung felt like someone hit him with a brick. His eyes widened in shock. “What did you say?”

“I. Don't. Love. Her. I'm feeling something I never felt before. And I don't know what the fuck it is” Jungkook said in a whisper. Eyes piercing Taehyung's. “But Hyung, I want her. I need her. I wanna keep her. And don't you dare break the glass palace she made in her heart. Let her believe I love her. It's better. But don't force me to just meet her parents  and all that bullshit because I'm not planning to marry anyone.”

Taehyung felt his hopes breaking into pieces. He was finally at peace when Jungkook found his girl. But he was more hurt over the fact that you've been hoping for a life with Jungkook more than anything. How are you gonna take this? Jungkook cannot lie forever. One way or another, you'll know the truth. Taehyung weakly sat on the couch “I can't believe this… You've been betraying her?” Taehyung's voice rose. “No. She needs to know.” Taehyung search for his phone on the table. But before Taehyung could reach it, Jungkook picked it and smashed it on the floor. 

“You're not telling anything to anyone, Hyung. Just remember this. The day she leaves me will be the last day I'll stay sane” Jungkook warned, leaving Taehyung in utter confusion on whether to save his friend from a lifetime heartbreak or keep his mouth shut for the sake of his brother's life. He knew Jungkook didn't make empty promises. Before storming off, he said one more thing. 

“(Y/N) is mine. She'll forever be mine and whoever steps into my way, I won't hesitate to end them.”

Though Jungkook rejected the proposal to meet your parents, he agreed to come with you to Jennie's wedding. Cause you whined a lot, of course. 

“You look perfect, baby. I'm jealous” You said, fixing his shirt as his hands rested on your waist, lips inches away from yours. 

“Are you sure we have to attend this wedding? cause you look so fuckable in that red dress baby.” He stole a kiss from your lips in the conversation. 

“No Kook. Keep your dick in your pants for once. It's important” You looked back at him. His line of sight met with your chest. “After the event baby. I'll let you have me” You just feather kissed his nose. “Don't tempt me wildcat, I might take you right there infront of the guests. Bend you over nicely. You want that?”

“As much as I want it, Kookie, we can't. I can't just ruin my cousin's wedding.”

Jungkook opened the door of your side as you stepped out of the car, at the wedding venue. Jennie loved peonies. So you were the one who designed the wedding venue decorations. And you tried your best to make it the most perfect one for her special day. 

“Baby, I'll go to the bride now. Socialize, okay?” You gripped his collar and pressed a kiss on his lips. “Uh huh” He grumbled, gripping your hips, leaning to get more kisses but you pushed him away. You turned your heals. As you took a couple of steps, you turned back and mouthed “Socialize. Love you” And you went to help Jennie.

As you mingled with the guests, ensuring everything was running smoothly for Jennie's big day, you couldn't help but steal admiring glances at Jungkook from across the room. His rugged good looks and charming demeanor never failed to make your heart flutter, even after all this time together.  

Watching him , laughing and making small talk with the other guests, you marveled at how effortlessly he seemed to fit in, his charismatic persona putting everyone at ease. No one would ever suspect the insecurities and self-doubts that he had confided in you during your most intimate moments together.

Your reverie was broken by the arrival of the dashing groom, Kai, looking every bit the perfect husband-to-be in his immaculate tuxedo. As he caught your eye and gave you a warm smile, you couldn't help but notice Jungkook's expression from across the room – his eyes narrowing ever so slightly, his jaw clenching with barely contained jealousy.

You smiled back at Kai, pushing aside the brief flicker of unease you had felt at Jungkook's reaction. This was Jennie's day, and you weren't about to let anything ruin it for your beloved cousin.

"You've really outdone yourself with the decorations," Kai said as he approached. "Jennie is going to be over the moon."

A swell of pride filled your chest. "I'm just glad I could make her day even more special."

As the ceremony began Jennie made her grand entrance, resplendent in her white gown, which was also chosen by you. As Jennie and Kai exchanged their vows, you felt delighted. You couldn't help but look up at Jungkook, who's supposed to be on the altar with you, saying vows to protect and cherish you forever. You couldn't help but imagine you and him there, you in your white gown and him in his tuxedo. Holding hands. It made your toe curl. Everything was going perfect 

The reception went really well. You really enjoyed it with your friends and your man by your side. And what made you proud is you got so many compliments. Especially on Jennie's wedding venue decorations and all.It was overwhelming.

“Thank you So much (Y/N/N). Thank you for making my day special” Jennie hugged you tightly before getting into the car with Kai. You happily waved them goodbye. 

After the wedding ceremony and reception had concluded, you excitedly approached Jungkook. Since Jungkook was showing no signs of seriousness in your relationship, you decided to take the initiative. You found him in the crowd as you dragged your steps towards him, your parents in tow. This was the perfect opportunity to finally introduce the man who had captured your heart to your family.

 “Kook” You immediately hugged him, pulling back, you turned back to your parents. 

"Jungkook, these are my parents," you beamed, gesturing between them. "Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend, Jungkook."

The moment the word 'boyfriend' left your lips, you noticed Jungkook's expression shift. His eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched, and a muscle in his cheek twitching - telltale signs that he was struggling to contain his rising anger.

"We've heard so much about you," your mother said warmly, seemingly oblivious to Jungkook's discomfort as she moved to embrace him.

But Jungkook deftly sidestepped her gesture, his body language becoming increasingly tense and guarded. "I'm not her boyfriend," he said through gritted teeth, shooting you a pointed glare.

You felt your cheeks flush with a mixture of embarrassment and confusion. Jungkook had made it clear from the day before that he didn't want labels or anything too official, but you had hoped that after meeting your parents , he might be open to taking that next step.

"We're just...seeing each other," Jungkook continued, his voice low and clipped. "No need to make it more than it is."

An uncomfortable silence fell over the group as your parents exchanged a bewildered look. You opened your mouth to explain, to smooth over the awkwardness, but Jungkook cut you off.

"If you'll excuse me," he muttered, already turning on his heel and stalking away.

As you watched him go, a sick feeling twisted in the pit of your stomach. Jungkook's aversion to commitment was nothing new, but the intensity of his reaction had caught you off guard.

Deep down, you knew there was more to Jungkook's behavior than met the eye. He claimed not to want labels, but his possessiveness and need to keep you close betrayed a deeper truth - he craved your love and devotion, even if he didn't fully understand the depths of his own feelings.

Jungkook was a man at war with himself, torn between his desire to possess you completely and his fear of the vulnerability that came with truly opening his heart. And as you stood there, reeling from his outburst, you couldn't help but wonder which side of him would ultimately win out.

Little did you know, the battle raging within Jungkook was far darker and more twisted than you could ever imagine. For beneath his charming exterior lurked a monster - a creature of violence and depravity that craved your light while simultaneously yearning to extinguish it forever. king 

He drew in a shuddering breath, conflicting emotions flickering rapid-fire across his chiseled features. When he finally spoke, his voice was little more than a hoarse rasp laced with a strange melancholy.

You followed Jungkook into his car before he started it and started driving to his home. You were determined to get to the bottom of his erratic behavior back at the reception. The car ride was silent as you battled with the inner emotions you felt. The whirlwind of doubts and questions you asked yourself ‘Am I wrong?’’Does he love me?’. The car pulled up into Jungkook's apartment. He swiftly left the seat and harshly slammed the door. His anger is still evident in each of his motions. 

"Jungkook, wait!" you called out as you followed him inside the home. "You can't just dismiss me like that in front of my parents." you finally decided to speak up after a silent ride. 

He wheeled around to face you, his expression thunderous. In that moment, he was practically a stranger, the warm familiarity you'd come to know and love eclipsed by clouds of anger and irritation.

"Dismiss you?" he bit out, his tone laced with derision. "I was merely being honest for once instead of playing along with this ridiculous charade."

You recoiled as if he'd struck you, struggling to process the venom dripping from his words. "Charade? Jungkook, what are you talking about?"

He closed the distance between you in two long strides, his movements almost predatory as he crowded into your personal space. You could feel the anger rolling off him in waves, mingled with undercurrents of something that made your instincts screech with warnings to flee.

"Don't act so scandalized," he sneered, lips curling into a cruel approximation of a smile. "We both know I've never claimed to want any kind of label or commitment. So why go parading me around like some kept man, hm?"

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as hurt and confusion swirled through you in dizzying eddies. This bitter, unforgiving stranger was a far cry from the vulnerable soul you thought you knew – the tenderhearted man you'd given every piece of yourself to.

Sensing your distress, Jungkook seemed to rein himself in slightly, his expression shifting into forced neutrality as he struggled to regain control. When he spoke again, his voice was careful, almost gentle – but you could hear the tightly leashed menace lurking beneath.

"Look, baby..." he sighed, reaching out to tuck an errant strand of hair behind your ear. "You know how I feel about...attachments. About being tied down. It's not you, it's just who I am."

You flinched instinctively at his touch, and something flickered in Jungkook's eyes – a predatory light that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.

"But that doesn't change the fact that you're mine," he continued silkily. "Mind, body, and soul. I just can't do titles or anything too...official. You understand, don't you, sweetheart?"

As the full weight of his words settled over you like a suffocation, you realized that there was something deeply unbalanced about the dynamic between you. Something that extended far beyond his denial to labels. 

As Jungkook moved to gather you in his arms once more, his familiar scent and the memory of his gentler embraces, you wondered if you were finally getting a glimpse of the depths he had so carefully kept hidden. About what you are to him.

If so, the truth was more twisted and terrifying than you could have ever imagined. But even as dread coiled through your veins, some deep part of your heart still clung to the desperate hope that the man you loved was still in there somewhere, fighting to re-emerge from the gathering shadows.

"You know I want you, baby. All of you, forever." He reached out, calloused fingertips grazing your cheek with an odd sort of reverence. "But husband? Father?" A harsh chuckle rattled in his chest. "Those roles...they weren't made for a man like me."

Jungkook's gaze bored into yours, intensity and haunted desolation in those depths. For a beat, his guard seemed to slip completely, allowing you a glimpse at the tempest of darkness that dwelled within.

"I'm toxic, y/n," he said, each word carrying a strange shadow of self-loathing. "Poisoned to my rotten core by demons you can't even begin to comprehend. Giving me those kinds of titles, those kinds of...expectations..." He trailed off, shaking his head as he deciphered his next words. 

"It would only end up ruining your very existence."

“Isn't that what you're doing now?”You fired back, but your rear drenched lashes canceled out the intensity in it. Jungkook raised a hand, effectively silencing you with a look that mingled tender adoration with soul-deep anguish.

"I can't be what you want, no matter how much it kills me," he said simply. "The most I can offer is myself – the broken, damaged man who needs you with an intensity that terrifies me. Beyond that..." Another weary shrug, devoid of hope or expectation. "I'm not built for picket fences and babies, sweetheart. I can only ever be a wildfire, scorching everything in my path."

As he drew you into his embrace, you felt the truth of his words like injecting into your very spirit. 

Though you knew your choice had already been made long ago, every sane impulse in you urged you toward self-preservation, a voice that repeated in your mind, begging you to save yourself from the incarnation of hellfire in front of you. And you felt the need to keep yourself away from the impending insanity you're gonna drag yourself into by staying with him. You were hopelessly, inextricably bound to the tempest of his love . 

In the end, total devastation was inevitable for you. The only open question was the extent it'll reach in the aftermath.

You pulled back abruptly before Jungkook could claim your lips in that searing, desperate kiss. His forehead creased with a fleeting look of confusion that quickly gave way to resignation as you leveled him with an unwavering stare.

"What do you mean you're not made for this?" you demanded, gesturing vaguely between the two of you. "For having a real future together? Then why did you let me believe it was possible, Jungkook? Why give me that kind of hope if you knew all along it would lead nowhere?" you finally found your brain in the mayhem of thought whirling inside you and decided to speak up. 

He opened his mouth as if to respond, then seemed to think better of it, jaw ticking as he warred with himself internally. For several endless moments, he simply studied you intently, fingers flexing at his sides in wordless agitation.

"I never lied to you, (Y/N), " he said at last, voice low and tinged with a weariness that went bone-deep. "Not about the most important things. I told you from the start that I don't do commitments or pretty fairy tale endings."

 "But you..." He trailed off, seeming to struggle against the reins of his own restraint. "You burrow so deeply under my skin, baby. Make me want things I have no business craving."

You fought the urge to lean into that scorching familiarity, too raw and off-balance to surrender so easily. You have to. You can't go back to this agonizing cycle of pain you've been going through for seven months. 

"When I'm with you, it's like the broken shards inside me piece themselves back together for a few fleeting moments," he confessed, voice dropping to a hushed rasp. "Like I could actually be the man you deserve, instead of the warped, unforgivable thing I know myself to be."

He drew in an unsteady breath, agony writ large in the taut lines of his expression. "So yeah, I let myself get caught up in the fantasy sometimes. Deluded myself into believing we could make it work against all reason and logic."

“We can make it work. If you just let me. I'll make us work. I promise” Your voice seemed tired. You just wanted him to be with you. 

Stepping in closer once more, Jungkook cradled your face between his large, calloused palms, forcing you to meet the turbulent depths of his gaze head-on.

"But the truth is, I'm a fundamentally fractured thing, (Y/N)," he said, each word etched in harsh reality. "Dangerous and selfish to my core. Giving me a wedding ring, letting me put a baby in your belly...it would only end up tainting the light I love most about you. Twisting it into something as warped and wretched as the demons that ate away at my soul from the inside out years ago."

“ I don't understand. Jungkook. Did you lose your mind?” You whispered against His thumb which skirted the plush swell of your lips, his touch feather-light yet carrying the banked heat of a thousand barely leashed desires. "I lost it a long time ago. I'm not built for a forever baby. I can only ever be ashes and ruin in the end."

As the weight of Jungkook's grim self-assessment washed over you in chilling waves, you found yourself caught between two impulses - the driving need to soothe the haunted parts of him, and the screaming instinct to cut your losses before this pain of realization manage to pull you under as well, crush you under the weight of pain, suffering and agony that your dreams have been withered in breeze. 

In that moment of reckoning, you were forced to confront the truth that the man you had poured every ounce of your limitless devotion into has never wanted to spend the lifetime with you, let alone be tamed by something as precious and fragile as the dream of family you still clung to.

Jungkook was the wildfire he had always claimed to be - beautiful in his fury, yes, but ultimately destroying all in his path to  ash if allowed to burn. And you, solely, with burning heart, decided to rescue yourself from his scotching fire which could potentially set your sanity ablaze. Only if it already isn't destabilizing. 

Tears traced  down your cheeks as the full, devastating weight of Jungkook's words finally penetrated the fabric of your naive denial. This man – this beautifully destructive force of nature you had given every piece of your heart and soul to – he was never truly yours to possess or nurture into something sustainable.

"All of it was a lie," you murmured, more to yourself than him as your vision blurred and swam. "This whole time, you let me believe we could have...everything. A real future."

Jungkook made a choked, anguished sound low in his throat, reaching for you instinctively. But you stumbled back, wrenching yourself from his touch as if it was a poisoned Thorne. 

"Don't," you bit out, mustering what little remained of your fragile composure. "I can't...not again. Not after hearing the truth straight from your lips."

He froze then, every hard line of his body going rigid as you seemed to age a thousand years before his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, baby," Jungkook rasped, each word dragged from the deepest wellspring of his shattered soul. "You have to know, hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted—"

"But you did hurt me," you cut him off, voice little more than a wobbling whisper through the maelstrom. "You just admitted to living a lie, letting me pour every ounce of myself into an illusion because facing the ugliness inside was too hard. Despite my condition. You still made me…"

A solitary, broken sound escaped him. But you couldn't bring yourself to look, to let the all-consuming intensity of his presence draw you back under before you'd found the strength to break its spell once and for all.

Drawing a deep, shuddering breath, you straightened your spine and lifted your chin, channeling every last ounce of your battered self-worth and respect. 

"This...this is the only way then," you said, each word like shards of jagged glass scoring the delicate flesh of your heart and soul. "Clearly, we want different things, Jungkook. Things you can never give me, no matter how much we might try to force it. We shouldn't...we can't see each other again," you concluded, the taste of your own damnation on your tongue. "Not after laying it all bare like this."

Pivoting on your heel, you turned away from the man you loved – the demon who had consumed you, piece by precious piece – before your resolve could splinter anew. Each step struck through you like shrapnel, until you were certain there could be no greater anguish than the sensation of having your very essence unmade. You were completely broken, each step making the pain worse. 

"No," he bit out, the single syllable ringing with the weight of something Biblical, inescapable. "You don't get to just walk away from this, from us."

You barely had time to process his meaning before Jungkook was on you, crowding into your space with the fluid, predatory grace of a big cat cornering its prey. His broad frame boxed you in against the wall, palms slamming against the plaster on either side of your head as he caged you beneath the scorching brand of his body.

"I warned you, baby," he growled, the words half snarl, half plea as his gaze bored into yours with intensity. "Tried to make you understand that I'm not made for happily ever afters and diamond rings."

Unbidden tears sprang to your eyes anew, cutting blazing tracks down your flushed cheeks. You opened your mouth – to protest or surrender, you didn't know. But Jungkook sealed his lips over yours in a punishing, soul ripping kiss before you could give voice to either decisions.  

It was anger and adoration, tenderness and possession taken to their most primal extreme. A devouring fusion of everything you had tasted in simple sips during your time as his lover, his obsession. 

When he finally wrenched himself away, you were trembling and lightheaded, the shreds of your anger all but extinguished in the wake of his unrelenting onslaught.

"I'm a force of nature, baby," Jungkook murmured, trailing a path of searing kisses along the slender column of your throat as you fought to catch your breath. "Wildfire and in my wake. I'll only ever leave you in ashes if you tie the knot with me." 

He nipped at the juncture of your shoulder, tongue laving over the heated imprint his teeth left behind in a maddening caress. "But I'll be damned if I let you slip through my fingers without taking everything you have to give first."

His voice dropped to a rasp, resonating straight to your very core. 

"That pretty, pretty soul of yours?" A low, rasping chuckle that carried more than a hint of a threat even as he peppered your swan like neck with adoring, reverent kisses. "It was mine the moment you fell into my gravity” 

White-hot lances of your fear to lose you sanity and desperate, untamed yearning licked through your veins in equal measure at the promise blazing in his eyes. 

You were his – an ember caught in the blaze he had stoked from the moment your paths first crossed. And no matter how many times the flames licked your faith and sanity to tinder, you would keep rising from the ashes, drawn back into his searing, ruinous embrace.  

Because for better or worse, Jungkook had awoken something just as wild and merciless within you. Something that recognized its perfect other half in him, two noble, tragic souls locked in an intricate perfection.   

Just as Jungkook leaned in, his lips a hairsbreadth from claiming yours in that searing, possessive kiss, you managed to summon the tattered remnants of your willpower and pull back abruptly.

"Stop this...this bullshit," you rasped, propping yourself against the wall in a futile attempt to put much-needed space between your overwrought senses and his overwhelming presence. "I can't...I can't do this anymore, Jungkook."

Your voice broke on his name, the single syllable carrying the weight of every shredded dream, every shattered promise between you. Fisting your hands in the fabric of his shirt, you met his blazing gaze head-on, willing him to see the truth laid bare.

"Don't you understand?" The words ripped from your throat in a wounded rasp. "I'll lose it. Lose myself completely if I let you pull me back under. I'm going crazy now. I can't even think properly. Stop this before I go insane"

Jungkook's expression didn't so much as flicker, that ferocious intensity pinning you in place just as surely as his body had moments before. His eyes burned, amber and smoldering, daring you to tear yourself away from the irresistible gravity of his orbit.

"You're already lost to me, baby," he murmured at last, each word a husky brand against the heated flush of your skin. "Have been since the moment I caught your scent on the night breeze and decided to make you mine."

A tremor lanced through you at the implacable vow, the delirious hunger underlying his promise. 

"I'm not some pretty little dream you can just walk away from when the night turns bleak, (Y/N)," he growled, and you felt the words reverberate through you like an electric impulse. "I'm the shadow over your heart, cast in every color of sin you've ever tasted and a thousand more you haven't even begun to name. You think you can just leave me like that?"

Try as you might, you would never fully escape the inescapable gravity of his making.

"You don't get to cut yourself free now, not after letting me inside to fester for so long," Jungkook continued, lifting his gaze to yours in a silent demand for your surrender. "That choice was made the night you whispered yes and guided me into that secret, sacred space you'll never be able to take back."

Hot, traitorous tears spilled over the brittle confines of your lashes, scoring blazing tracks down your flushed cheeks. In that moment, you realized the unvarnished truth of his words, accepted it with every aching fiber of your being.

You were bound to this elemental creature – this wildfire made flesh. You have to turn back. Now or never. Leaving behind love, the obsession, the devotion you utterly held for him. To save yourself from the rusted cell bars of the psyche ward. You were losing it. 

You harshly shoved Jungkook away, desperate to create space between you. "Stop! Stop this, please," you sobbed, sliding down the wall until you were crumpled on the floor. 

The tears flowed freely as you shook with the force of your anguished cries. Raking trembling hands through your disheveled hair, you squeezed your eyes shut, overwhelmed by the torrent of emotions crashing over you in waves. Each shuddering breath felt like shards of glass piercing your lungs.

You couldn't do this anymore - this constant push and pull, letting Jungkook drag you to the brink of shattering over and over again. Didn't he see how he was unraveling you, stripping away every last piece of who you were until there was nothing recognizable left?

Opening your reddened eyes, you fixed Jungkook with a haunted stare, reflecting back the myriad fractures now marring your wounded spirit. "I'm breaking, Jungkook," you confessed in a tremulous whisper. "Shattering into pieces under you. If I let you sweep me back into the chaos, I may never be able to put myself back together."

His words were a darkly seductive vow as his lips hovered a hairsbreadth from yours. "Let go of the remnants of who you used to be, and rise from the ashes as you were meant to - savage, merciless, and utterly, devastatingly mine."  

 

"Burn me to ashes," you whispered in utter capitulation. "Complete your terrible work and unmake me utterly. Then you can be free to find your next victim." your body shook as you were holding onto your last string of mental control. 

"I don't want to see you again," you stated, mustering every ounce of determination as you met his smoldering gaze head-on. 

A pained frown creased Jungkook's brow, but you pushed forward before he could protest. "We should not see each other again. Ever again." you stated. 

With shaking hands, you smoothed your rumpled dress, willing your voice not to waver as you took a fortifying breath. "Ever."

The idea of walking away from Jungkook's gravitational pull, from the searing intensity you had allowed to consume you utterly, felt like carved away pieces of your very soul. He had become the obsession around which your world orbited.

But you couldn't - wouldn't - let him reduce you to ashen ruins the way others had before. Not again. The memory of that heart-rending, soul-shredding agony was still too fresh. You have to do this. For the people who actually love you. 

Jungkook seemed to sense the shift in your demeanor, the implacable walls being erected to strengthen your decision. His lips parted as if to give you commands or pleas. You didn't want to know.

But you were done being a hapless pawn in someone else's blaze. 

"Don't," you warned, holding up a hand to forestall whatever soul-scouring onslaught he prepared to unleash. "I can't...I won't survive having my heart shattered into those many pieces again. Not even by you."

For a suspended moment, the air was thick with the weight of a thousand unvoiced farewells

Then, drawing every remaining reserve of your battered strength, you turned on your heel and simply...walked away. Each step sent an agonizingly painful ripple throughout your veins. 

You didn't look back to see the expression on Jungkook's face, didn't let yourself open to the pleas and sugarcoated words you knew would come. Just pressed onward, one agonizing footfall after another, until you had created enough distance to safeguard what little remained of your tattered, grievously wounded heart.

It would be a long, horrible journey to self-reconstruction from here, you knew.  But this time, no matter how many times the phantom pyre called out, you vowed to safety in the still, small quiet that follows in the wake of even the most cataclysmic blaze.

Because for all your beautiful ruin and tragic devotion, Jungkook's love had always been a wildfire - devastating as it was brilliant. And rising like a phoenix from those particular ashes was a feat your battered soul could no longer muster.

The familiar surroundings of your childhood home provided little solace as you stepped through the doorway, your dad's worried gaze immediately finding you.

"Sweetheart?" He crossed the room, wrapping you in the comforting embrace you hadn't realized you were desperately craving until that moment. "What happened? You look..."

"Broken," you supplied hoarsely when he trailed off. "I feel broken, dad."

Your mom appeared then, features creasing with maternal concern as she took in your disheveled appearance and the sorrow etched onto your face. "Oh, honey..."

You brushed away the tears that had already begun trickling down your cheeks anew. "I...I need to tell you both something. About Jungkook."

They exchanged a weighty look, but remained silent as you guided them to the cozy living room, sinking into the overstuffed armchair that had cradled you through so many tears and triumphs over the years.

And then, like a dam finally fracturing under inexorable pressure, the entire story came pouring out in a torrential swell. You laid bare every intoxicating high and devastating low of your relationship with Jungkook - the obsessive passion, the soul-scorching connections, and the alarming moments where darkness and volatility took the helm.

By the time you finished, your parents' expressions had shifted from shock to heartbroken empathy...and something else you couldn't quite put a name to. An emotion that looked suspiciously like disappointment.

Your dad was the first to break the heavy pall of silence. "Sweetheart, I can't say I'm surprised that boy turned out to be more trouble than he's worth." He sighed, raking a hand through his graying hair. "I knew we can't trust this Jungkook guy"

You blinked owlishly, surprised by his revelation. In all the turmoil of your relationship, your parents' approval had been the last thing on your mind.

Before you could respond, your mother reached over to clasp your hands in her soft, familiar grip.” It's okay sweetie. We are here for you”

Tears stung your eyes anew at her plaintive words and the unvarnished concern on their faces. Your parents had been silently standing vigil through the entire storm, hoping against hope that you would eventually see the gathering darkness for what it was.

"We never wanted to overstep, baby girl," your dad continued gruffly “But don't be blind again. And I'm glad you realized he's not good for you”

He leveled you with an intense, soul-searching stare that bordered on paternal command. "You need to get as far away from that boy as possible, you hear me? Cut every tie until he's nothing but a memory."

Your mother squeezed your hands, nodding . "It's the only way you'll ever begin to recover, find your spark again. That man...that relationship...it's not good for you baby. And I can't lose you again."

Unconsciously, you found yourself nodding along with their grave pronouncements, accepting the heavy truth of their concerns. You had been well on your way to obliteration at Jungkook's hand. No matter how brilliant and all-consuming the heat of his love burned, it was a pyre that would inevitably reduce you to scattered embers.

"You're right," you rasped, the words tasting of ash and resignation on your tongue. "I can't...I can't keep letting him consume me like that. It'll only end in total ruin eventually."

A tremulous inhale, followed by a fragile, failed attempt at a smile you hoped looked more reassuring than it felt. "But I could use some help picking up the pieces. Becoming myself again, for the first time in...I can't even remember how long."  

You dad nodded resolutely. "Of course, (Y/N/N). Anything you need." His expression softened then, suffused with naked paternal affection.

A week passed. You never went out of your house nor let Jungkook reach out. He's been wandering in your mind as well as your premises for the week. You were sitting on the kitchen counter as your mom made breakfast. Your dark eyebags evident. He's everywhere. In your dreams, in your bathroom mirror, beside you in bed. He doesn't seem to let go of your mind. 

Your phone screen lit up in another silenced message. Then you noticed the train of 56 missed calls from none other than the destroyer himself. Control (Y/N)

"Did I ever tell you about the plans your uncle has been cooking up?" Your dad started. 

You furrowed your brow in silent question, waiting for him to continue.

"Well, you know your childhood friend Mingyu has been sweet on you for years," he said wryly. "And between you and me, his father has had dreams of officially joining our families through marriage for about just as long."

You and Mingyu had been fast friends since you were young, bonding over afternoons spent pulling pranks around his family's sprawling estate. You admit that you had an undeniable crush on him since childhood. And you once told him that you'll marry him for sure. 

But you were too broken for finding love now. No. You're done with that bullshit. Your parents will only do the best for you. You knew it might seem sudden and hard to accept. But Mingyu is a gentleman and he could potentially help you get the reminisce of Jungkook wandering in the expanse of your mind. 

"Oh honey, don't look so scandalized," your mother laughed lightly, waving off your sudden bashfulness. "We would never push you into anything remotely serious right now, not after the hell you've been through. But you can consider. They're willing to wait"

Her expression softened, turning tender and reassuring in a way only a mother could as she reached out to brush a stray tendril of hair from your face.  

"But...if you're open to it, maybe reconnecting with an old friend might be just the gentle balm your poor heart needs right now? A chance to remember what feeling cherished and adored is supposed to look like, without all the sound and fury?"

As your parents exchanged a hopeful look, you knew this newest development might catalyze the journey on the road of healing ahead. Your parents were relieved that Mingyu’s family was oblivious to your little boyfriend. Your battered spirit would require more meticulous tending and time than a simple rebound could provide.

But at the same time, something in you unclenched slightly at the idea of allowing yourself to open up to the softer, steadier affections of someone who had been woven into your life since childhood. Someone inherently safe - who could teach you how to breathe easy with the assurance of a solid, labeled relationship. 

Perhaps Mingyu could help chart the path back to the person you had been before Jungkook's wildfire had scorched away every remaining sliver of recognition. It was a lifeline, a steadying tether you realized you desperately needed in order to keep your chin above the tides of despair that threatened to drown you utterly.

So you lifted your chin, mustered the ghost of a tremulous smile, and looked into the warm, hopeful eyes of your parents as you answered the only way you could.

"Reconnecting with an old friend actually sounds...really nice. I'll consider it” 

Why do I feel like I messed this chapter up. I felt like (Y/N) Mingyu thing was too abrupt. Cause (Y/N) is heartbroken and blah blah blah. Idk. Do you feel like it was in such a rush?

Finally a long chapter. I'll take a mini break. Probably for a week or two, if I feel like it. I like writing but I was lacking confidence in my writing, which made me not publish my stories for so long. But yeah. I do have some cringe story drafts. Long way. Talking about moonstruck. It'll be only traumatizing as it progresses. Some um expected moments and, idk. I don't wanna spoil it. I have a shitload of ideas in my head and most of the events in Moonstruck now weren't even planned when I first planned out the plot. Still, the important parts are yet to come… see ya in the next part. Feel free to let me know your thoughts. Honestly I love when readers comment I'm living for this. Love yall 

- Mars

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ : @looneybleus @ttanniett @jjk174

[blackcat419]

How cats are viewed in Westeros part 2

The Andal kingdoms

The westerlands divide themselves by which house favors cats and which favor dogs. For houses like Lannister and Reyne are naturally drawn to cats based on their house sigil. But houses along the coast also favor the cats as companions for sailors and lighthouse men. The cat’s proclivity to isolation makes them the perfect companion animal for these men. Because of this, cats are considered a masculine creature for costal westerlings while most inland westerlings consider them feminine. Most Westerling cats are tailless due to a gene mutation that become popular.

The Vale is not know for its agriculture but for its husbandry of sheep. Luckily, cats love sheep. Cats in the Vale are seen as barn cats. They live and work on farms with farm animals. Because of this, the Valemen see cats in a very similar way to other barn animals. You can pet and love on a cat, but they stay outside. Cats come in a variety of colors and patterns in the vale with the most common being Tabbies, Calicos, and Torties.

The North

The north is deeply connected with cats. Cats are viewed as a sacred species that is connected to the old gods. Cats often sleep in Weirwood trees or just hang out in them making them look like they are worshipping the gods as well.

Cats are often placed in the cribs of newborns to help keep them warm and calm the child. The cats will lick the baby’s face to calm them down and keep them from waking the parents and to get any milk the child had on their face.

Multiple villages in the north have stories of abandoned babies being saved by a cat cuddling up to them and keeping them warm until help arrived.

In towns closer to the neck, the most common type of cat is a Siberian cat. The closer to the wall you get, the more common the Norwegian forest cat, or fairy cat, is.

Beyond the Wall

The free folk hold much the same opinions and traditions around cats that the men of the north do. The only difference is that they prefer orange cats as a sign of good luck. After a wildling kidnaps his future wife, it is customary to gift her an orange cat. The cats of the free folk are much larger than any other, growing to be 20 pounds in size. The cats will sleep in their owners sleeping bags to keep warm and wounded freefolk will have a cat stay guard over them, purring to comfort and heal their wounds.

The Valyrians

Cats as a domestic pet did not exist in old Valyria, the only pet a dragon lord needed was his dragon. When the Targaryens first arrived on dragon stone, there was a local cat population. One of the cats had a genetic mutation causing it to not grow hair. The Targaryens took this cat and bred it to create a bunch of hairless cats. They are as unique, beautiful, and unsettling as the Targaryens.

[charleslee-valentine]

Firefly family name etymology:

It’s no secret their names are chosen from stories, a coverup of sorts, but the family does have real names as well, at least for the most part, with the exception of Otis. That’s because he chose his own name, giving it at least some significance still.

We’ll start with him, since he’s the oldest of the Firefly children. The name Otis means ‘leisure.’ He’s a man who doesn’t feel threatened by much. Even when shit starts to hit the fan in the second two films, he remains joking, cocky, and proud. Leisure is in his relaxed bones, even when he’s furious and scolding and violent. Even in the way he stands, with his shoulders sagged and his crotch forward, is a leisurely poster.

The second child is RJ. Full name Rufus Junior. More complicated because of its simplicity, the meaning of his name is ‘reddened.’ While there’s no personality connections there, it can possibly offer insight on his killings. Blood is red and the Firefly family home is deeply soaked in blood. It’s assumed they’ve been killing for the entirety of the children’s lives, though that’s somewhat unclear. However if Rufus got his hands ‘reddened’ when he was young (accounting for the secondary meaning of junior) then it does imply that the family allows their small children to kill as well. A minor detail, but considering the shared insight on the whole family, shows RJ being dedicated to them first and foremost.

Next is Baby. Of course this, along with Angel Baby, are her nicknames. Her true name is Vera Ellen. Together, the double name has the meanings ‘true’ and ‘brilliant.’ She was her parents pride and joy and was named ‘truly brilliant’ after the way she shined to them. However I see it as a signal that she isn’t just a pretty, happy face too. She's also as intelligent as others in the family, despite her mental health and delusions. Thus it serves as a warning not to underestimate her. She’s every bit as cunning as her brothers, in on all the plans, with twice the protection because she’s her Mama and Daddy’s little star.

As for the Firefly parents themselves, there’s Mama. Her real name is Gloria, which means ‘honor.’ Befitting of the common matriarch in the family, everything they do is to her liking. Even Otis comes down to supper and brings Wolf because he knows that would make her happy. After her death, they raise hell and fight to survive and honor her. They made a promise to her, and to the other family they lost, to not go down without a fight. All those bullets they took was to honor her. Her name represents the symbol she presents to the rest of her family.

Except Earl, who we don’t see her interact with. Because of what he did he’s been exiled from the Firefly family, but it’s worth noting that his name can mean ‘lion.’ It would seem the man had a bad temperament to do what he did, and likely without much warning. He pounced and struck and Tiny was hurt, so Earl was no longer part of the family. In that sense, it reflects his nature as a dangerous animal, a monster to them.

His replacement as consistent patriarch and father to Baby is Spaulding. While his nicknames include Captain Spaulding and Cutter, his government name is Johnny Lee Johns. Combining the meanings of Johnny ‘graced by god’ and Lee ‘poet,’ he’s symbolically been gifted his ability to wax poetic and monologue. Spaulding spends his very last moments of life ranting and monologuing in that disturbing and cruel way the Firefly family does. To us, it doesn’t seem like poetry, but his wisdom to the family is important. His poeticism isn’t his word choice, it’s the way he can use words to crush a victim’s spirit, or to scare and unsettle them right into the arms of his waiting family members down the road to be hunted.

The final member of the family, at least in order of introduction, is Foxy. He’s Otis’ half-brother, so he has his own surname that he doesn’t share with anybody else. His name obviously is not a Marx character like the rest of the family’s nicknames as well. Foxy is just the shorthand of his middle name, Foxworth, full name Winslow Foxworth Coltrane. Winslow means ‘grave’ or ‘burial.’ His rescue of his brother, and thus his entrance into the story, is necessary because of death. Cutter is dead, Mama is dead, RJ and Tiny are dead, and Otis and Baby likely aren’t long behind. Foxy is a figure of the family, who is only essential in the loss of life, so his name is significant in marking him with that death. Foxworth can mean ‘homestead’ which only adds to the tragic meaning there. His family is dead, his home gone and burnt to the ground, and he wasn’t there to see it or defend them too. The death of all those family members and the loss of his home is the reason for his determination to save his remaining two siblings, and be included in the family. Baby and Otis don’t consider him part of that fight, but he’s just as wounded by it. Coltrane is symbolic of ‘wild energy.’ The result of the above trauma for him is his manic attitude. Even as calm and flat affected as he can seem, he turns cruel and sadistic when push comes to shove. All of the Firefly family can fit into that trope, of completely unhinged assholes, but Foxy wears the specific name that says it’s a part of him. Showing that he is a memeber of the family regardless of his prison stint that had him separated from the rest.

Firefly, of course, is a name chosen from characters and likely not their legal name, but it’s the one they use. The little insect fireflies symbolize ‘hope.’ The family reminds each other to be hopeful, because they see themselves as untouchable. Nobody can stop them, it seems at least, and Baby has to be reminded of that when she’s in Mexico grieving her Mama and Daddy. The love they have and the hope they share exists despite their evil and destructive nature, showing that they are a family unit deep down. Afterall, the point of these three films was to show what happens when the killers have support and love and family behind them for once, and how less likely their victims are in such a case to survive.

[mamamittens]

Oh, Sweet Child of Mine (Pt. 2)

Masterpost, Part 1

Platonic Whitebeard Pirates & Reader-Insert (with glasses)

Warnings: Platonic Yandere behavior and yes, the kidnapping is still actively occurring. If yandere content disturbs or otherwise unsettles you, I deeply suggest you do not read this series and block the tag "oh sweet child of mine" as well as "one piece yandere". Though mostly framed in a humorous way, it is still very toxic and problematic behavior that you should, in no way, entertain in real life from anyone.

Stay safe and enjoy.

Word Count: 1,540 (would be longer, but I didn't want to have this transitionary chapter be squished in with meeting Whitebeard and settling in)

When you became a marine, you had considered what you would do if you ran afoul of pirates. Assuming they didn’t kill you outright, that is.

In none of these imagined scenarios did you picture yourself awkwardly curled up in a med bay on one of the ‘junior’ Moby Dicks. As it turns out, Fire Fist and The Phoenix were running a small supply run simultaneously to another junior vessel since none of the surrounding islands could accommodate the Moby Dick herself—the Yonko ship being so absolutely massive for her crew and captain. A young man with a blue mask over his eyes ‘Masked Deuce’ was wiping your face and inspecting your nose for any damage that hadn’t been healed with a critical eye. Fire Fist was somewhere else—likely getting food for himself if his gluttonous behavior was any indication—while The Phoenix appeared to be starting your medical file.

That… was probably not good. The slim possibility that you were going to just be ransomed seemed to dissolve with every scratch of ink he added.

“Well, aside from some possible malnutrition and exhaustion, you seem in good shape. Not what I’d expect of a marine in these parts, though I guess they didn’t care too much about your physical condition.” Deuce placed a firm hand on your shoulder and smiled. “If you’re interested, we can get you into good shape in no time! Or maybe you’re interested in pursuing something else? Oyaji has plenty of resources we can use.” You couldn’t help but grimace and tug on your hat.

“I uh… I’m a marine?” You said, wincing at the questioning tone. “I didn’t enlist for the uniform, you know… I… I’m supposed to try and arrest pirates. Not… join them.” You explained awkwardly. Deuce just laughed while The Phoenix snorted softly.

“Everyone adjusts differently. You’ll love it here eventually.” Deuce winked before handing you a set of clothes to change into. The shirt was emblazoned with Whitebeard’s Jolly Roger.

You were rather at a loss for words. You… well, you couldn’t exactly fight them. You knew that. But you felt rather like the world had tilted dramatically the other way on it’s axis while you weren’t looking. The only way this could get more bizarre is if Fleet Admiral Sengoku called you and congratulated you for the successful adoption and your new, very criminal, pirate-Yonko family.

“Bring-ring. Bring-ring. Bring-ring.”

Oh god, you weren’t ready!? Please no?!

Horrified, you scrambled to pull the snail from your pocket, The Phoenix sliding up and leaning on the bed as you answered.

“Ensign—”

“Where the hell are you?! Ensign Williams was found, thoroughly beaten mind you, on the ground! You were assigned to be his partner!” You almost wept with relief that you were just getting torn a new one.

“A-Ah—W-Well, I-I attempted to flee with Ensign Williams when The Phoenix was spotted with Fire Fist but was… very unsuccessful.” You admitted lamely as one of the men responsible for your plight gave a placid smile, his eyes fixed on you with a horrifying intensity. Though you had no idea what for. If he was pissed you answered, he was more than welcome to take the call himself at this point.

“And why not, Ensign?! Your orders were quite clear!”

“Because I was captured instead?” The snail sputtered.

“Then escape and return to base!” The operator screamed. You were nearly in tears, your day successfully having gone from bad to absolutely the fucking worst.

“How?!” You whispered in horror, practically seeing the dry response in The Phoenix’s eyes.

Run and I will scoop you up with my talons and fly you all the way to Oyaji myself.

The receiver was plucked from your hands and you were torn between thanking your captor or trying to get it back. In the end, you did neither.

“I’m afraid that won’t be happening. Feel free to mail us their last paycheck because they won’t be returning. Consider this their resignation.” The snail blanched.

“On who’s authority, you filthy pirate!”

The Phoenix grinned, all teeth and eyes narrow, sapphire slits.

“Their new big brother.”

It would almost be inspiring how confident he sounded if he didn’t say it like he was declaring that your kidney would taste delightfully delicious.

Any response was cut off by him lifting up the transceiver shell and crushing it with his bare hands.

His smile turned much more friendly as he set the traumatized snail down, but the edges still seemed… feral. He ruffled your hair, knocking off your marine cap in the process.

“Get changed and wash up properly before dinner. It’ll be a few more hours before we meet up with Oyaji. Ace will make sure it’s burned.” Overwhelmed and horrified, you couldn’t help the slight whimper.

“…but I like my uniform.”

The Phoenix paused, giving you a slightly pitying smile as he gave you a side hug, blue fire flickering over the both of you. Any other circumstances, it would feel warm and reassuring.

“I know it’s a lot, kid. But you’ll be fine, I promise.” He paused looking down at you. “The hat’s gotta go, but, I tell you what, how about you keep this, yoi?” He tugged the blue neckerchief loose and placed it on top of your ‘new’ clothes.

Against your better judgment, you were a little touched at the suggestion.

What is your life now? You’ve been kidnapped, forcibly made to join a Yonko crew, and now you feel touched because one of the commanders is letting you keep a token of your job?!

Whatever.

You’d just get issued a new uniform later.

If you ever get away from this crazy ass band of pirates.

“I do like the color…” You added lamely, unwilling to push the argument considering how laughably easy it would be for him to force the issue. And then you’d have nothing left of your own.

“I like the color blue, too, yoi.” You looked at him with a frown. Glancing at his shirt.

“Not purple?” The Phoenix blinked, surprised at your dry response before chuckling.

“Alright, sassy pants. Get marching.” He smirked, shooing you to the bathroom to get changed. Flush and embarrassed, you escaped before he could say anything else.

Now… did your new pants even have pockets big enough for your animal treats?

--*--

Surprisingly, the new clothes fit well. Roomy enough that you didn’t get weirded out that they had your exact size but small enough that it wasn’t going to fall off of you anytime soon.

Your marine blue neckerchief was tied around your right wrist. The only part of your uniform you got to keep besides your shoes.

Any blood was gone from your hands or face but Fire Fist still felt the need to inspect them, playfully pinching your nose to see if it hurt still. Upon seeing that you were in perfectly fine shape, and freshly clean, he beamed.

“I can’t wait for you to meet Oyaji, he’s going to be happy to have a new kid running around. It’ll be a while before you get assigned to a division, but don’t worry, they’re all pretty great! Well, not as great as mine, but still!” Fire Fist laughed boisterously as The Phoenix rolled his eyes, lightly smacking Fire Fist’s head.

“They gotta get used to the crew first, Ace. Don’t jump the gun so quickly or you’ll hurt their feelings.”

Ah yes. Their biggest concern in this whole debacle.

Your feelings.

Cause fuck the law, that’s why. And everything else for good measure.

But also your feelings, because if that was actually a concern they would have left you with your asshat partner and a bloody nose.

… your previous circumstances does not, in fact, justify kidnapping and forced recruitment.

You are a marine damnit! Maybe not a strong one, or even a great one (yet), but there has to be a line somewhere!

“Ahah~! Right, sorry! Here, we’re having soup! It’s not as good as Thatch’s food, but we’re getting back too late for dinner so it’ll have to do. He’ll want a little more warning to pull out all the stops anyway.” Fire Fist laughed, handing you a bowl of hot soup. It smelled good, but despite your hunger, you were still a little thrown.

“��Does he often want to impress captives?” You whispered, more to yourself than anything. Fire Fist paused and actually flushed, laughing to himself.

“Sort of, yeah. He kept trying to feed me while I tried to kill Oyaji for over a hundred days, you know!” You blanched, horrified.

You had forgotten that little tidbit, although most of Fire Fist’s recruitment into the Yonko crew was a mystery, you had overheard that bit.

Suddenly, your prospects of getting out of this scot-free seemed… unlikely.

If being a marine isn’t a deterrent, and neither is many murder attempts, then what the hell could get you out of this? Fire Fist kept laughing as you caught The Phoenix’s eye.

He seemed darkly amused and very much aware of your predicament.

He clapped your shoulder reassuringly.

“Don’t worry about it so much. You’ll figure it out.”

Somehow, you don’t think he was talking about escaping.

[faetaiity]

Can I leave a request? If your not doing requests that fine, you can do this later. Or not at all.

~

Rottmnt, Reader, (specifically, male pls) who has problems with being happy, or being content with himself. Where sometimes reader doesn't leave his house because of it, and the turtles check on him once in a while.

Donatello, checks on him and reader is crying on the floor, donnie isn't good with emotions and he stands there shocked and scared. Reader notice and apologies for acting like a child.

Donnie stays a little longer then usually and talks with reader about it.

Do your own twist with it if you'd like.

Have a good day !

I relate to this a lot as someone with Major Depressive Disorder (aka Clinical Depression) Holy fUCK- This is gonna be very much a self-indulgent post. This might not follow the ask 100% and I'm sorry /gen Can be taken as Romantic or Platonic.

Rise! Donatello x Male! Depressed! Reader

Post Format: 90% Story and 10% HCs

CW/TW: Crying, Mentions of a lack of self-care/hygiene, Depression-related issues, Implications(?) of Self-hatred/Low Self-esteem

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Turtles in general are very caring friends, often checking up on you, Casey, April and Cassandra.

However, you are checked up on more, due to your sudden and out of the blue behavior at times.

Usually, all four check up on you, but sometimes it's just one or two

You can't really tell who you see the most, if someone comes alone to visit you, chances are you'll see the others separate or together in a few hours.

~~~~♡♡♡♡~~~~

It's been a day or two since you've last met with the turtles, you miss them a lot but can't handle the idea of talking to them, at some point Mikey or Raph will ask you what was wrong, and you stress over the idea of being honest with them about it.

You've managed to skate by on telling them not to worry about it, but you have a feeling it won't work this time, so you (stupidly) prolong the inevitable and dreadful conversation about your emotions and issues.

Sighing, you make your way to your bathroom with a bundle of clothes in your hands, hoping the hygienic care would uplift your mood, it's worked a few times before, why not try it again now? and even if it doesn't, at least you've showered once since this depressive episode hit.

(Time-skip bc I actually kinda spaced out while writing and forgot that I would have to talk/have details abt reader showering, which is rlly weird, sorry abt that lmao)

You make your way to your bed, hair dripping wet, but you couldn't care less. You just want to cry, the shower didn't help as much as you hoped and now, you're just cold, tired, and sad.

Flopping onto your bed, you feel tears roll down your face, a rare moment as it's difficult for you to actually cry, but you try to let it happen, to not internalize your emotional turmoil like your therapist said, the feeling of tears rolling down your face was unfamiliar and odd, but not unwelcome.

Hearing the knock on your bedroom window about a minute or two after you began crying was deeply unsettling, you'd rather die than have Raph or gods forbid Dr. Feelings, enter and see you sobbing.

The knocking ceased after a few minutes, you've continued crying but not at the loud and fast pace you were at before the knocks began. You wait a couple seconds, sniffling and panting quietly as you try to hear if they've walked away or not, flinching when you hear the lock fiddle and unlatch, giving you the hint that the Turtle entering is Donnie, as you've only seen him lockpick doors and windows.

You hear the window open and see him slowly enter your bedroom, he looks around before spotting you on the bed, he stares at you for a while, seemingly unnerved by the tears streaming down your face, after several seconds or so of staring, he slowly and cautiously makes his way over to you, he stops by your legs and sits on the floor, his battle shell up against your bed.

You stare at him tiredly; you've stopped crying by this point, as you have always felt self-conscious about crying around other people, seeing yourself as an ugly crier.

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes, he looks at the floor, his facial expression giving away his confusion, he's raking through his mind trying to figure out a way to comfort someone he deeply cares about before-

"I'm sorry" you croak out, throat sore from crying, he stares at you incredulously.

"For what?"

"Crying, I know that makes you uncomfortable, I won't blame you if you leave, just don't tell Mikey or Raph, okay? If you feel like you have to send someone, send Leo... please." you mumble, feeling awkward and ashamed about this whole situation.

He looks at you sadly, getting up from his seated position on the floor, you assume he's about to leave, but he slowly gets on the bed, his knees near your stomach as he awkwardly attempts to hug you, you freeze for a moment, knowing how touch adverse he can be at times, before timidly hugging him back, making sure not to touch certain areas that make him uncomfortable.

"You don't have to hug me, I know it makes you-" "It's fine, I wouldn't hug you if I didn't want to." he interrupted, you don't protest after he said that, you two stay like this for a bit before he lets go, he sits up and sighs, hoping that his words comfort you.

"I really care about you, Y/N, I'm sorry I don't visit as much as my brothers, and I'm sorry I came off as cold when I first came over, I just.... Don't know how to approach these things, I'm not the best at words but if you want to talk about it, I'll gladly listen."

You look at him for a few seconds, unsure of if you could even talk about it, but ultimately, you nod.

~~~~♡♡♡♡~~~~

After that incident, he's visited you more often, even when you're doing just fine.

He never spoke about your issues to his brothers, and so far, he plans to never speak about it with them until you're comfortable.

It's difficult for both of you, especially if you're also autistic and/or have alexithymia, but with effort from both of you, you made it work.

He's trying his best and you appreciate/love him for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Augh, sorry that the end is more open to interpretation, I wanted people to be able to put their own issues and problems there

Sorry I've been gone for a hot minute; shit's been happening and I'm just.... tired, emotionally and physically

Hopefully I can finish another ask within the next week or so, I already have the idea lined out for one.

[bellewintersroe]

Another idea which is quite angsty is if for example joe having a crush on reader but she choses to be in a relationship with shifty like will he be jealous, angry or happy for them

You honestly send in some of the best ideas, thank you 🥰🥰🥰 can’t wait to write this ! Joe Liebgott reacts to crush!reader being in relationship with Shifty Powers:

Ok first of all I feel like Joe’s feeling for you would never ever be spoken about, like as cocky and confident as he can portray himself to be he’s deeply and secretively sensitive and worried about his feelings not being reciprocated.

your friends for a longggg time through the war and you’re probably blind to his soft spot to you, sure you see he’s a little more gentle with you, but you’d never take this as him having feelings for you?

Anyway I think Joe would be semi blind to you and Shifty at first? Joe is very aware he holds no ownership over you in the slightest, so he’s not all eager eyed searching for competition.

He’s accepted that you’re just his friend, yanno?

Buttttttt, let’s say one day he overhears people teasing you or Shifty and he gets all confused, like, “what the hell ya’ talkin’ about?”

when he finds out you and Shifty kissed- not even that you’re just getting close, he’s momentarily shocked.

you? And Shifty? You and his good friend shifty? Joe doesn’t believe it at first, but he feels his face heating up before anything else, then comes an unsettling feeling in his chest- oh shit he’s jealous.

I don’t think Joe would ever be a bad friend, not to Shifty, so he would NEVER disrespect him for being with you no matter how jealous he feels.

lays I’m his bed overthinking, just staring at the roof. He figures he’s just gonna get over it and ignore his feelings- therefore pushing you away in the process.

He can’t stand the idea of being rude or harsh to Shifty, but he unconsciously nudges the blame onto you and decides it would just be easier to push you away.

you’re right under his nose, grinning and gazing up to Shifty with a glimmer in your eye that Joe has never seen before. That’s what breaks his heart.

I think at first he’d kinda be caught up in jealousy to realise he doesn’t need to be salty, so when you try to talk to him, he kinda goes cold and makes any excuse to end the conversation.

Barely holds eye contact with you, can’t bare to look at you in the eye and not see the same spark that you look at Shifty with.

I imagine Joe physically smacking himself when he realises he’s acting like a dick and his feelings aren’t exactly super covert if he continues to act like this.

Somebody probably calls him a child, Perconte or somebody honest.

I think in some way he’d really see how serious you were about Shifty after he was in the car accident that left him severely wounded. He sees the worry in your eye, and realises it’s not his place to act distant or brash just cos of a stupid crush, you and Shifty actually do work super well together.

Thank god you chose Shifty out of everybody, I don’t think Joe would’ve tolerated them like he would Shifty.

Joe probably does make sure with you it’s all good and he’s treating you right (obviously cos Shifty is an Angel) but just in case.

probably never lets his feelings out, even if you or anybody else have the slightest idea he might be a little jealous, he denies, denies, denies.

his poor little heart, somebody play mini violins cos be really feels bad for himself.

[utilitycaster]

#this is SO real#wbn#there's a strange determination to sort everyone into either witches OR wizards and not just. townsfolk. people.#and to a degree that is where the story has led us (ame has been leaning much heavier on the spirit side of her communication role)#but the mortal world is just as complex and deserving of attention and sympathy as the spirits#and it's almost bizarre to treat everything suvi says as empire fodder rather than legitimate frustration and confusion at a world that#has been closed off to her#'you get what you get' has been taken so far out of the context in which she said it for example#yes I believe she has the incorrect viewpoint imo but there is so much nuance in how suvi doesn't want people to be hurt and wants to-#be able to control that. and how the spirits represent an absolute lack of control with the ability to do whatever they want#(for the most part)#and her fear and even occasional disdain of that is from a further place than empire propaganda#it's from her desire to have control and knowledge of her surroundings. to be able to Know everything#and the spirits laugh in the face of that very idea#and it's not entirely invalid of her to be frightened of that!!!#it's the wizard the witch AND the wild one!!#suvi would not be there if her viewpoint was not valuable if very very flawed#her end goal should not be to become ame because like she said. she's a wizard and she Knows magic!#there is virtue is her strategy and determination and logic#but people seem to favor ignoring that to smooth over the nuance and hope for her to realize her wrongs soon#sorry this was a giant ramble lol

@thespoonisvictory (not putting this on the post bc it's already a long one) Yes to all of this! Like, I think first and foremost people are ignoring that she is a 20 year old whose parents died for the citadel when she was a very young child and that this has been her only home since then and if she did a sudden about face "oh I was wrong about everything" it would be just as fragile and biased as her current worldview; while epiphanies and turning points are real, true and lasting change is ultimately a process and I don't trust an ideology that is adopted as a rapid about-face rather than an ongoing exploration.

The firesides make it clear that she and Ame are in fact very similar people; both will often ultimately do what they want despite personal danger or dangers to others in the party, both genuinely do care a lot about common people but both are at times deeply ignorant of the privileged positions they have held from a very young age (even though Suvi will throw her weight around, the realization that Galani would not have been given the same second chances has absolutely rocked her); and both are extremely out of their element in this story! I think it's also worth keeping in mind that we're in the "so wizards have really fucked up badly here" arc. There's plenty of time to explore the idea that, for example, one corrupt witch could do some pretty significant damage. The main thing that divides Suvi and Ame is what they were taught, and yeah, Suvi is frightened and unsettled by the world of spirits that Ame has been taught to respect and understand and that she never has. I think it's also really worth keeping in mind that Suvi knows that Eursulon's life here is in part because she broke rules she had no possible way of knowing, and I can't imagine she - a person who is all about knowledge and rules - has truly found a way to live with that yet.

For what it's worth I find it fascinating that the meta about Suvi is by and large fairly harsh criticism, and the meta about Imogen is "how dare you speak ill of my 28 year old baby daughter", and also that meta about the imperial wizards in WBN is largely "fuck them bitches, they trapped a god and everything they do is wrong and bad" but there's plenty of meta about the imperial wizard in Critical Role that goes "well he sucks as an individual but his plan is pretty cool actually" because I see a lot of parallels and I know there's overlap in fandoms. It does genuinely feel like people just see the word "god" or "empire" and react without actually listening to the other thousands of words surrounding it.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Judge Claude Frollo

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

The Disney Renaissance was home to some of Disney’s greatest villains. Scar, Ursula, Gaston, Jafar… The films from 1989 to 1999 all redefined what it meant to be an animated antagonist. But while there were many great villains during that time, one in particular managed to be regarded as one of the darkest and most terrifying villains in the entire Disney Animated Canon: Claude Frollo, the sinister minist—er, judge who serves as the main villain of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

The man is heavily entwined with the more complex themes of the movie as well as a lot more cold and vicious than one might expect from the company that brought you Mickey Mouse, but what exactly is it that makes him such a great villain? Well, read on, because I try my best to explain it.

Motivation/Goals: Frollo is a horrible, bigoted prie—er, judge who wants nothing more than to totally eradicate all of the filthy Romani from Paris in the name of the Lord. Unfortunately, he ends up falling hard for one of them, Esmeralda, after watching her do a saucy dance routine. From there, Frollo is consumed by a single-minded lust for the woman that drives his actions, with his conflicted feelings on the matter leading him to blame her for giving him sinful thoughts and determining that all of Paris needs to burn because he is… well… he’s a

I get a lot of mileage out of that gif.

Performance: Tony Jay was picked specifically for this due to his memorable bit role in Beauty and the Beast, and boy does he manage to prove that that was the best decision Disney could have made. His naturally magnificent voice lends Frollo the class, dignity, and intimidation it deserves. One could even say that Dr. Lipschitz is off his shits for this one.

Final Fate: As he attempts to slice through a gargoyle and sent Quasimodo and Esmeralda tumbling to their dooms, he loses his footing and ends up clinging to his gargoyle for dear life. Said gargoyle comes alive, breaks off, and sends Frollo hurtling into a river of fire below, which ends up being a pretty spot on interpretation of his attempted one-liner: “And he shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit!” With this in mind, it’s pretty easy to interpret what happened to him as karmic divine intervention—Whether you think it’s God Himself, the spirit of Notre Dame, or something else entirely enacting it upon him is up to interpretation, and ultimately unimportant. What matters is he didn’t go to heaven where the angels fly; he fell in a lake of fire and fried. And we definitely won’t see him again on the 4th of July.

Best Scene: It is really not even a contest here. “Hellfire” is without a doubt the greatest Disney villain song ever made (and maybe even the best villain song period) and is a prime showcase of Frollo’s internal struggles and motivations, so of course it is his best scene.

Best Quote: When finally he has Esmeralda at his mercy near the film’s end, he echoes a line from “Hellfire” and says ”Choose me or your pyre.” It’s such an unsettling line that really highlights how deep into his lustful entitlement Frollo has fallen, and what’s more these words echo the real life sentiments of certain disturbed individuals. It’s a truly timeless villain quote in that regard;there are men who would rather a woman die than not be with them, unfortunately, and Frollo is the poster child for that brand of manchild.

Final Thoughts & Score: At the start of the movie, Chopin asks, “Who is the monster, and who is the man?” in regards to Quasimodo and Frollo. While the answer is fairly obvious even just after the opening number—Frollo attempts infanticide after murdering a woman, after all—the way the movie goes about expounding in the two characters in a way that explores this question is deeply fascinating.

Frollo is an incel to put even Gaston to shame. Almost immediately after seeing Esmeralda for the first time, he begins to obsessively lust for her, but his bigotry and zealotry leads him to condemn her because he’s unable to get a grip on his emotions. He ends up being the latter extreme of the Madonna-Whore Complex, contrasting Quasimodo as the opposite extreme. It should come as no shock that Quasi picked up some negative traits from the guy who raised him, but thanks to being a supremely nice guy his incel traits manifest as venerating a caricatured ideal of Esmeralda rather than condemning. There’s a reason the end of “Heaven’s Light” segues right into the start of “Hellfire;” both men have toxic views of Esmeralda, objectifying her in opposite yet equal ways.

It is how they deal with these toxic mindsets that ultimately resolved the question posited at the start, as well as cementing Frollo as one of the darkest villains Disney has ever done. Quasimodo, while not happy at being rejected, still cares for Esmeralda and does all he can to help her, culminating in him saving her from being burned at the stake. His experiences lead to him accepting Esmeralda and Phoebus as couple gracefully, shedding away his toxic mindset. This ends up reaffirming his humanity, earning him the adoration of Paris and the end to the loneliness he’d experienced for so long; he is the man.

Frollo, on the other hand, deals with rejection by going on a racist, genocidal rampage against the Romani, setting the city ablaze simply because his perverse affections aren’t reciprocated. This culminates with him offering Esmeralda either death or to give in to his advances, and when rejected conclusively he doubles down on his murderous rampage, which ultimately leads to his doom. His inability to see Esmeralda as a complex human being instead of an object to lust after, an inability brought on by his own bigoted views, is what ultimately peeled away his humanity and revealed him as he truly was: A monster.

And Frollo is a monster in a very resonant, chilling way. In this day and age, we see people like Frollo all the time. They’re in our schools, seething when the girl they like rejects them for another; they’re on the internet, spewing misogynistic bile because they can’t get dates; they’re in our churches, preaching intolerance to their mass while desperately trying to bury their own sins; and they’re in our government, using their power to oppress and demoralize those with less power than them. “Choose me or your pyre” is the sort of attitude you see in the incels who end up on the news for committing or planning to commit atrocities.

And this is what makes it so good and cathartic to see him fall. We want people like him in real life to face the consequences of their actions, and we can only wish that said consequences are falling into a river of molten lava. It ends up being all the sweeter if you interpret his fall as being an act of God, as mentioned above.

Tony Jay apparently described his role as Frollo as his “bid for immortality,” and it’s safe to say he succeeded. He pretty much singlehandedly elevated the film he’s in so far above its flaws that it’s astounding and proved to the Disney Renaissance, all while giving us a villain song more incredible than any seen before or since. Thank God I’m doing fractions now, because this man deserves a 10.5/10. He’s not quite an 11 because I wouldn’t call Frollo one of the most important and influential villains in the vein of, say, Darth Vader, Count Orlok, or Fu Manchu, but he’s still a cut above the rest when it comes to villains. He’s easily the second most incredible antagonist Disney has ever made, and the only flaw he has is that you don’t get to personally beat his ass in Dream Drop Distance, which is especially bad since he straight up racially profiles Sora before immediately calling him a slur.