#just a couple more chapters before the endgame really starts endgaming

[scribble-dee-vee]

"I'm not a good man."

From this morning's drafting session! I promise this line is more sad and less edgy in context, lmao.

No-pressure tagging @teacupwriter, @radiowrites, and @bardicbeetle, plus anyone else who wants to do it!

Last Line Tag

thanks for the tag @oh-no-another-idea! another out-of-context line from the new wip:

He always thought he’d be dead.

I should update my taglist, but tagging (if you'd like, no pressure!) @notwritinganyflufftoday, @pluto-murphy-writes, @kaylinalexanderbooks, and whoever reads this!

[lurkinggirlie]

Elain & Azriel are EndGame

Azriel’s bonus chapter: semi-essay on my thoughts

This post will be a long one. The shipwar has been going on for far too long, and there's a possiblity that we'll be getting closure soon. So, I want to put my thoughts out there. For Obvious reasons, I could be very wrong, but this is what I think based on canon text: (Ignore any errors..I haven't edited this, and I'm sure there are many posts like this that are way more articulate)

Elriel are endgame. If they’re not then Azriel is kinda pathetic and having him end-up with anyone else is bad writing and character assassination. (Which we sadly won’t put past sjm but I don’t think she would..at least I hope)

1- Elain has no other love interest. Yes, Lucien is her mate but we have hinted at a broken/rejected mating bond for the longest time when it comes to these two so having them accept it eventually is going to be quite underwhelming, repetitive and boring. Even Lucien seems to have given up/isn’t interested in bridging that gap between them, which we’re told in both acofas and acosf. Unless you want to count the longing pointed out by Cassian, although Cassian also pointed out that Lucien was also uncomfortable when he mentioned his mate. To add on, there is no sexual tension between the two, and we know how important that is for sjm’s couple. You can't keep whining "but Elain isn't giving him a chance, if only she gave him a chance, then maybe this and maybe that" Elain is not a seprate entity, she is what SJM writes, Sjm could have written that but she did not yet and I'm not sure if she will. It feels too late at this point, she had already shown us that Elain has feelings for someone else aka Azriel. The author doesn't have to spell everything out for us to understand to what's going on. Sarah usually makes it clear who's endgame. and she literally is. So, it would be very sudden and out of the blue if Lucien and Elain were to end up together when she had never shown it before. When even Azriel pointed this out “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her, and she has no interest in him, anyway” people can say Rhys killed elriel, that the bonus chapter ended them. But this line right here tells us otherwise! First we know Azriel and Elain can read each other so well that they don’t need words, and then Azriel tells us this. He’s literally telling us that Elain does not want Lucien.

We also cannot compare elucien to Feysand or Nessian in the “enemies to lovers" department, because these two seem to hardly care about each other. For obvious reasons she wouldn’t accept or reject Lucien in a book that isn’t hers. But if they do end up together I’d feel robbed that she had more sexual tension with Azriel than she did with Lucien. And we know that Nessian and Feysand had sexual tension before getting together. Most of what we got from Elain and Lucien was awkwardness, and discomfort. Not a single spark. Furthermore, it would feel like Azriel was just leading Elain own. Plus their romance (Lucien and Elain)  would not feel organic, only getting with Lucien because she felt rejected by Azriel, which doesn’t give epic romance no matter how sjm tries to spin it. It would always make Lucien seem like the second choice.

2- Azriel regifting the necklace was a dickhead move, and offensive to both girls. Anyone thinking the regifting of the necklace ended elriel or started gwynriel is delusional and clearly doesn’t know how the romance genre works. (should’ve thrown the gift in the Sidra like Cassain did) I can’t believe Rhys isn’t paying Azriel enough that he felt the need to return the necklace to the shop instead of throwing it. Senstive Illyrian baby indeed. 

3- Rhys saying stay away from Elain (can we take a moment to appreciate how sexy Rhys was for pulling rank, he really made the ship more interesting now) and Azriel actually listening to him?? When he told him you can’t order me to do that. shit would be underwhelming if Azriel actually stayed away? Hello? Secret relationship potential ? Hello? Forbidden romance potential  ??? The tropes would be epic. Sjm had never done that. And I’m not saying she will, but this is how I see it playing out. + Azriel saying it was a mistake to Elain, and Elain apologizing?? The fact she was confused/hurt and probably thought she misunderstood the whole situation? SHE IS BABYGIRL?? Regardless, Azriel saying it was a mistake and it being a mistake is NOT it. This is not how romance works most of the time. This is such a basic romantic trope, why are a lot of people misinterepting it? Elain deserves better, and sjm isn’t about to hurt Elain’s feelings without making it up to her. And she’s definitely not making Azriel end up with another girl before he fixes that shit. I will be needing a proper apology to Elain.  

4- Whenever people think of the bonus chapter they weigh in Azriel’s feelings far more than Elain’s. It’s clear that Elain and Azriel’s feelings are MUTUAL, ignore the bonus chapter and it’s right there in the actual book. I don’t think Elain got the memo that Azriel had  a conversation with another girl after he hurt her feelings which made him realize he’s in love all of a sudden. *sarcasm*  that would be very out of character for Azriel. 

5- His chest sparkling at the thought of Gwyn getting the necklace was so??? I have been saying he’s for the streets and yes this was out of pocket. So, I understand people shipping them. However it could mean anything really, you can't continue saying that Gwyn in the bonus has to mean something, and that that spark must mean somethig but continue to disreagrd every single Elriel interaction like they mean nothing. Because for it to be taken as romance we’d have to ignore the beginning of the bonus, the feysand’s bonus acosf/acomaf/acowar and acofas. + we could easily take this in a platonic way, which is how I viewed it when I read the bonus. Not everything has to be romantic. And sjm will NOT introduce a new guy to make him end up with Elain since we already established Elain doesn’t want Lucien and Lucien doesn’t want her either. 

6- I know that a lot of people have theories about Gwyn being a lightsinger and all of this happening because of her powers (While I do think this is very smart, it wasn’t something I thought of so I won’t talk about it). I do think it’s possible, and all the theories I saw were really cool but idk where sjm is going with this, so to make it simple I do think it could be because she’s his student, she went through a lot it could simply be platonic happiness that a girl who went through so much is going to be happy about something. Even if it was a secondhand necklace specifically picked with ANOTHER girl in mind PLUS I do think sjm wanted drama, and for people to doubt elriel cuz now they have all these obstacles, so Gwyn would be the easy choice, but the second choice regardless. The relationship would feel icky and I genuinely cannot see the potential gwynriels keep talking about. I would take the ship a lot more seriously if a) he didn’t regift her another girl’s necklace b) there was more to them in the actual book. c) he wasn’t still upset about it 3 days later… 

7- There’s a high possibility Gwyn never even got the necklace..

He gave it to Clotho not Gwyn, he didn’t want his name mentioned, and then said if any other girl would like it to give it to them: the aim was to get rid of Elain’s necklace. It’s sort of a parallel with Cassain throwing away Nesta’s present.

I think it’s possible that Azriel went there because he knows how much the girls in the library have suffered, especially since his mom did too, it's possible he thought "okay this is a pretty necklace, I don't want to hold onto the reminder of what could've been, so instead of throwing it let another girl be happy about it. At least it won’t go to waste”

Clotho could tell there was something wrong, like maybe she sensed the energy and decided ayeee let me keep this aside for him, he might come back and ask for it. 

The bonus did not happen at the end of the book 

If Azriel was truly in love with Gwyn now /or he wanted her/ or more between them was going to happen/ or they were mates according to some theories we could have AT LEAST gotten more after the bonus. 

We know the bonus happened after solstice.

Nesta mentions that Azriel was stone-faced and more aloof than usual, he wouldn’t even give her a smile. That was 3 days after the necklace situation. I think it would’ve been a great opportunity to highlight any attraction between Azriel and Gwyn.

Maybe he sees the necklace around her neck, maybe Nesta and Emerie compliment Gwyn’s necklace, or Gwyn telling them she doesn’t know who it’s from, maybe they tease her that someone might have a crush on her. Nesta could’ve pointed out that Azriel was looking at Gwyn’s necklace.or looking at Gwyn in some sort of way. Literally anything. 

Anyone pointing out the way Azriel and Gwyn looked at each other. A charged glance perhaps. Literally ANYTHING. We only got him looking at her with admiration which is very teacher coded. 

If sjm hadn’t made Nesta realize Azriel had a thing for Elain then maybe gwnyriel would’ve been more appealing to me. But no, Nesta noticed. This doesn’t mean nothing people.

aside from that we got nothing romantic, but a part of the fandom still acts like we need to exile Elain because she’s coming between Gwyn and Azriel’s epic love story.

Not everyone has access to the bonus.  

The Azriel chapter was only in ONE store in the US, but Feysand’s bonus chapter was in 3 stores in the US and UK. I don't know but something tells me it’s more important.  Soooo if SJM would do a love interest switch she would not do it in a bonus chapter, and wouldn’t be highlighting the Az/Elain interactions in ACOSF as much as she did. 

Feyre’s chapter focuses on Elain, it literally tells us Elain is next once we’re done helping Nesta. EASY MATH. and the Azriel bonus also focuses on elriel/Azriel’s feelings. ENDGAME MATERIAL RIGHT HERE. 

But the girls swear up and down that Gwyn and Azriel’s book is next because of a secondhand necklace. 

Let’s assume elriels are the delusional ones (like so many of them say), how do we explain these. 

Casual readers who usually read books and aren’t on the internet and aren’t looking for bonus content (wish that was me)  (lord knows I skipped every bonus chapter in throne of glass and crescent city and I wasn’t confused about anything. Not even once) so they’d expect answers for 

The Charged glance between Azriel and Elain

Azriel following the sound of Elain’s laughter. 

Elain looking away when Azriel smiled at her during family dinner, Cassian god bless him that idiot could NOT piece all of that together. BUT it was still highlighted through his POV ???

His secret to tell never hers (and we do learn of that secret in the bonus but people who didn’t read it could only guess so they’d want a confirmation) and sjm did say in one of her lives that Nesta learns of one of Azriel’s secrets (she looked all giddy about it)... and that Azriel is going through some shit right now…and we learn why from the bonus chapter. 

Cassian being confused that it seems like Azriel moved on from Mor

Nesta pointing out that Elain moved on from Graysen

Cassian wondering why Elain is lying about where she’s going. (I viewed this as her avoiding Azriel but idk) 

Azriel’s protectiveness of Elain. He gives mate behavior without the mate part. (I will hit him on the head though omg let my girl do something)

Elain willing to look for the troves even when Nesta wasn’t, the girl wants to do something  (her journey is coming next) 

Nesta wondering if Elain is training with Azriel or the twins (who are spies that were trained by Azriel !!!) 

Feyre telling Azriel that Elain got him beat for secret keeping. Sure it might sound delusional but Elain keeps being compared to Az/being a spy and maybe this could be a thing. 

Elain speaking back to her sisters about them treating her like a child?? Hello finally 

The way Elain’s mother only treated her like a pretty doll which shaped up Elain’s whole life??? I want this from Elain’s POV sooo bad 

In conclusion, we’re not pausing Elain’s story so Azriel can end up with a side character in a spinoff about an og side character, we’re sticking to our og side characters for now.

Azriel being over Mor because of Elain, and Elain moving on from Graysen because of Azriel only for Elain to get over Azriel to be with Lucien (who we got nothing from aside a mating bond..) and for Az to get over Elain and questioning fate for her…only to end up with gwyn…like I don’t think anyone could take Azriel’s feelings seriously if this happens. Shit will be too goofy.  Because if he ends up with Gwyn who says he won’t move on to the next pretty girl he sees afterwards.

To add to that, what plot would we have for Azriel and Gwyn. We'll get more Valkyries training, more healing journey so the plot would have to be paused for this. Nesta’s book was mostly about her healing journey and friendship, while it was nice I don’t want a repeat for the next book. Especially since we know the Rite took a toll on Gwyn, she went back to the library, wasn’t even sure she would make it to Nessian’s mating ceremony. This doesn’t give the protagonist of the next book to me. Or "I thought it was pretty obvious"

Elain’s healing journey had started in ACOWAR, she got her friends in ACOWAR. Now is their TIME to do something!! She is next. 

Closing thoughts on what I think would happen based off each ship happening: 

If elriel happens = new sjm couple dynamic/interesting plot. Fresh sjm protagonist that is unlike sjm's others + we don’t ignore all the foreshadowing and hints. We follow the love triangle we set up in the og trilogy + finally get a rejected mating bond. And instead of warrior training we might get spy training and instead of physical power (as far as we know) we get something more mental. Again this is very new for sjm + there’s a lot to Elain’s power that we don’t know and since Azriel was the one who found out what she was, I think it would make more sense for him to know how to help her. Imagine the sexual tension during training..yes please. I hope sjm doesn’t rob me. Elain is really mysterious, we got Nesta’s inner thoughts before her book but we still haven't gotten a peep about Elain’s inner thoughts and I’m just dying to know more. AND THE STAKES!

1) Rhys forbidding Azriel from Elain, 2) Elain’s mating bond,3) Azriel’s self doubt and how he doesn’t think he’s good enough. 4) The blood duel and the political mess we could get into. (Lucien probs won't but what if Beron would, the breeding potential, A seer must be a powerful thing she can see things others can't and I think that’s valuable. If Eris thought Nesta was valuable as cauldron made and there was no potential there, so The Autumn court probably feels even more entitled to Elain) We have high inner and outer stakes. I have a feeling SJM will fumble all this potential but a girl can dream 

If elucien happens = another successful mating bond + “enemies”  to lovers sort of but they won’t ever be mean to each other so maybe not enemies, just dislike and awkwardness to friends to lovers?  We ignore the hints about a rejected bond and in mating bonds we trust. We also ignore all the elriel hints, and their mutual feelings. We follow the love triangle set up in the og trilogy. I don’t think Lucien could train her in anything? Maybe self defense, Idk Sarah could pull something, but I don’t see Elain leaving her circle of friends but neither do I see Lucien settling in the night court and leaving his own friends. There are no stakes but Elain’s and Lucien’s awkwardness around each other + Elain’s feelings for Azriel. Elain’s and Lucien’s plot connects though so at least there’s that, SJM could ship them off on a mission together and make them get closer. Forced proximity sort of thing. 

If gwynriel happens then = we lost the whole plot, ignored the foreshadowing and hints found in the actual book. Mentor to lovers, civil with each other. Azriel has to move on from Elain first though and that could be icky. Healing journey, more Valkyries training. So we pick up from where we left off in acosf, and we’d see Azriel trying to get her to come out of the Library, or he goes to visit her there until she agrees to come out again. Maybe if Gwyn is a lightsinger then idk more training with Azriel? Again, no stakes but Gwyn’s trauma and Azriel’s self doubt oh and also his feelings for Elain. But that’s it, Gwyn as of now does not connect to the overall plot with the troves (she’s not made therefore she can’t use them) or koschei. So I don’t see us making her go on a mission like that. I’ve seen a lot of gwynriles saying Gwyn has spy potential idk where, but she could barely keep a secret for Nesta so I highly doubt she’d be keeping secrets for the IC. 

Ps: the original koschei plot is 3 sisters marrying 3 very powerful wizards and like idk 3 sisters 3 brothers…we can have a retelling ya know 

[thecottagecorebisexuals]

Can we talk about how the manga somehow made the marikata moments in the end of their first year even cuter?

The manga decided to depict "Catarina sticking even closer to Maria, more than she normally would" as Catarina gripping Maria's arm, it isn't the same in the anime and the book doesn't say exactly how close Catarina was.

Look at those two!!

Since it's canon that Catarina sees Maria dating someone else as being taken away I'm interpreting it as Catarina subconsciously getting her snuggles while she's still can.

The marikata moment in Chapter 22 of the manga is more shippy than the already shippy moment in Chapter 5 in vol. 2 or ep 12 of the anime but aside from interpreting "sticking close" as walking arm in arm there's also Catarina kind of sneaking out with Maria just like the FL1 endgame couple!

The book leaves it to open to interpretation if they were with the others/within earshot or sight at all times after giving Nicol his veggie bouquet, which is the route the anime took while the manga adds a panel of Mary and Sophia looking for Catarina while those two are together without the group.

Since they don't sneak out together, in the anime the only part of the confession that was like the original were the words "Let me continue being with you from here on out".

Catarina asking Maria who she liked in the anime played out with Maria being within sight (and earshot apparently) of Catarina and the group but not with them when Catarina started to wonder why nobody was sneaking out with Maria, after which Catarina just heads to where she is, in plain sight, to ask.

While I can't confirm that Mary and Sophia (and presumably the rest) lost Catarina because she and Maria hid on purpose...as if Mary would lose Catarina that easily...they were laughing together, away from their friend group before the confession happens (and gets hijacked).

With what's described in the book you could do either scenario, sneaking out or not being really alone* together ever (book just contradicts Catarina straying from Maria's side), they're kind of both extremes in interpretation though, being the anime more out there with the "she knowingly asked her with the capture targets in plain view and possibly (certainly) within earshot" than the manga's "they were alone after congratulating Nicol and people were searching for Catarina at some point". It doesn't suggest either one, there's undescribed windows of time before and after giving Nicol his bouquets (in which they might not have been with the group or always been with them) and then it's question time where apparently it's only Maria and Catarina there and then there's the canonical event of the confession being heard. Was Catarina thinking they were alone or just that there was enough space between them and the group that they wouldn't be heard? Both but each in a different universe.

*Alone not counting the party NPCs, those are everywhere.

[verycharismaticdragon]

Currently reading a Korean webnovel instead of Chinese ones and this is making me conceptualize something, let’s see if I can put it in words…

My musings started with realizing that I’ve become very used to this cnovels thing where the main pairing is literally stated in the summary. Not the case for the k-novel I’m reading, and therefore I’m experiencing Pain and Suffering, — torn between my every instinct screaming that the author is setting up the OT3 endgame, and trying to lower my expectations to avoid disappointment. (And the novel is ongoing so I can’t even get spoilers for the ending :) girl help.)

As you may’ve guessed, I found myself strongly preferring the Chinese variant; but as to why exactly it was so important for my enjoyment to know the main couple… it took me a bit to figure out.

I mean, it’s not like I’m reading exclusively for romance, okay? Fannish activity-wise, sure, I tend to get fixated on ships (though even then, not all the time), but when it comes to reading (or any media intake, really), it’s not necessarily what I’m most interested in. Among my beloved titles, there are many where there’s no canon or fanon couple I'm attached to — and more than a few where there’s a canon couple that I neither love nor hate, just accept. So why did I get so attached to the concept of being, essentially, spoiled the endgame couple beforehand?

The key word that made it click was: promise. After all, it’s not like knowing the names of the characters that get together tells me anything about if they will be interesting or boring together, if they will be good for each other or make me scream “break up!” a million times. But it is a solid promise that these two people ARE gonna be a couple. 

And thinking about the word promise reminded me of discussions on plot twists that I’ve seen on here, about what makes a good plot twist and what makes a bad one — specifically, the phrase “narrative promise” that someone came up with. Basically, narrative promise is in the set up and the build up. If the plot twist betrays the narrative promise, it will not work, and it will be hated by the audience, who’ll feel like their emotional investment into the story was mocked.

The thing about the narrative promise, and why this term stuck with me, is that it’s actually applicable more broadly than just for shock-factor plot twists. For example: what is queerbaiting, if not betraying the narrative promise that the two characters are gonna be together? The fans see the narrative promise — the set up and the build up that would be unequivocally romantic for a het couple — and expect it to be fulfilled; only to be called delusional by the very creators that gave them this expectation. 

And this brings me to the next point: the catch of the “narrative promise” is that it’s never a guarantee. You can be completely sure the author is setting up X, only for them to turn around and do something completely different. (Possibly while calling you a little bitch for having the stupidity to invest your feelings into their creation, too.) After a while, a fan learns to manage their expectations. To not bet too much on anything, even if it feels like there’s no other way it can go. To wait until the end of the season or the last chapter before allowing themselves to get attached; to hold back on deciding whether something is good or not, lest they hype up something they will want to bury and forget later.

And this is where we circle back to c-novels, and to spoiling the main couple in the summary. Except I hesitate to call it “spoiling” because, as discussed, it actually heightens my enjoyment. For a simple reason: this practice takes the narrative promise from its nebulous, uncertain status to something concrete and real. Only for this one aspect and with the minimal-est amount of information possible, but still. That’s one thing I don’t have to guess about or doubt myself on (am I seeing things? is there a heterosexual explanation another way to read this? will the author simply kill off one of the characters before the end so that they don’t have to decide whether to make them explicitly queer?), and one thing I can count on (whatever else happens in the plot, I’ll still have this). It’s easy to invest emotionally into those characters and their relationship, when you have an assurance of their happy ending.

Ofc, I’m not saying that I don’t invest emotionally into relationships or characters other than the main CP — just that it is easier. And I would even say having this one(1) hard promise makes it easier to invest into other elements of the work, too, as it makes for a sort of safety net even if something else is disappointing or painful. 

Like, say you are invested in one couple with great chemistry and one side character. In case of a pre-stated ship, even if the side character dies, at least you still have the canon couple. So it’s not like all of your emotional connection to the book is lost, and you can probably bear with the loss of that character by writing everybody lives AU or something. But if the side character dies AND the couple you were invested in gets broken up or killed off or straight-married with other ppl… then doesn’t that make the entire thing into one massive disappointment? to the point that you might even regret picking up the book that made you care only to slap you in the face?.. 

So yeah, having even just one ship guaranteed is very comforting. And then I thought, well, doesn’t this apply to another type of fiction that I’m very familiar with?

Fanfiction?

Which, since very early on, has adopted the practice of putting the endgame ship in the header of the fic. And which, probably not coincidentally, is often a response to a broken (or at the very least not brought to its logical conclusion) narrative promise. And which always felt uniquely easy to read for me… 

See, prior to getting on this little thought train, I always assumed the ease was due to pre-existing familiarity with canon. You know, not having to learn the entire new setting, already having attachment to the characters… But now that I’ve connected these dots, I thought about times I read fics for fandoms I wasn’t familiar with, and originals formatted as fics — and really, wasn’t it always about the narrative promise made solid? 

Esp with how fics make it even broader than cnovels, by having extensive tags and ratings and such. Getting into a fic, you have a pretty clear idea of what may or may not happen in the story, even if you don’t know what exactly will happen or how. And a fic can fail to live up to the premise set up by ship/rating/tags — but not completely turn its back on it. 

(Well, normally. But in those exceptional cases where tags are misleading, at least you have something to point to when saying, “this is not what I was promised”. The ficwriter can hardly claim they don't understand why you expected [ship] to happen when they personally tagged their work as containing that ship — unlike the traditional media creators, who can always play the "you were totally misunderstanding my intentions the entire time" card.)

And having a solid promise like this, it turns out, takes lotsa pressure off starting a New Unfamiliar thing. I do, in fact, trust like that! So it’s no wonder that there were periods in my life when I would only consume fanfiction, because it was so much easier than extending trust to new titles. And it’s no wonder that what brought me back to being an avid reader were Chinese webnovels that use a practice very similar to what we have in fandoms.

I guess I understand myself better now! Still wish I knew if that k-novel's author is /j or /srs about the ot3 though.

[desiderio-dixon]

Darkest Before the Dawn

Chapter two : Wildflowers

Pairing : Daryl Dixon x f!reader (endgame), (unrequited) Glenn Rhee x f!reader

Series summary : When Glenn Rhee comes into your life, you become convinced he's a guardian angel sent by your late best friend. You think he's your soulmate. But then he falls for the farmer's daughter, and you find that your own angel may be a little more blatant than expected; wings and all.

Chapter summary : As time passes, you grow more concerned about the group in Atlanta. Daryl faces an internal conflict while hunting.

Chapter warnings : I believe just language? Please let me know if you notice anything else!

Word count : 1.6k (I wanted this one to be longer but it felt too cluttered, so the next chapter will just come in quick succession)

A/N : Thank you so much for all the positive reception on the first chapter! I'm open to starting a taglist for this series if anyone's interested. Just send me an ask :)

Series masterlist

❀~~__~~❀~~__~~❀

When Carol returns, she hands you two mini Hershey's chocolate bars. "Courtesy of Sophia," She tells you with a gentle smile.

You gave your best smile in return. "I'll have to thank her later."

After eating the candy, you started to feel a bit better. Carol stayed with you until you declared you were going back to your tent, trying to catch a couple more hours of rest.

❀~~__~~❀~~__~~❀

When you awoke, a few hours had passed. Enough for the sun to emerge from the horizon and the camp to grow lively with the sounds of everyone starting their day.

Crawling out of your tent, you were satisfied to find that your head didn't spin. Really must've been an episode of low sugar; thank god for Carol. You should find both her and Daryl, to thank them for their help.

You find Carol pouring dry cereal into bowls for the kids at a picnic table. Mischievously, you sneak behind Carl to snag a freeze-dried marshmallow from his bowl. "Hey!" He calls, a pout heavy on his lips while you toss it into your mouth. You stick your tongue out at him, ruffling his hair. He makes a face, but sinks back into easy conversation with Sophia in no time.

Turning to Carol, you find her eyes already on you. She's staring at you with an emotion you can't quite place, but it seems sweet and somber simultaneously.

She pours you your own bowl wordlessly. When she hands it to you, you place it on the table behind you before grabbing her hands in your own. You regret the sudden movement instantly, when she briefly flinches before relaxing into your gentle touch.

"Thank you for earlier, I don't know what I would've done without you." You say with a genuine smile and a tone of exasperation. She nods, returning your smile. You let her hands go, sitting down on the bench with your bowl of cereal.

Sophia sits on your left, enthusing with Carl about one of her dolls, kicking her feet and shoveling spoonfuls of sugary cereal between words. You eat your cereal silently while you wait for her rant to come to an end. This is a very important topic, after all.

Finally, she concludes the telling of her doll's very intricate backstory. "Sophia," You call gently. "Your mom lent me a couple of your candybars this morning. I promise I'll bring you a king size bar soon!" You wink. She giggles and nods, ever the shy kid.

❀~~__~~❀~~__~~❀

After breakfast, you decided to try and track down Daryl to give him your thanks. Weaving through tents and trees to reach the far end of the quarry, you arrive at the Dixon campsite. To your displeasure, there's no Daryl in sight. Only Merle, sitting on a tree stump cleaning his rifle. He doesn't look up when you approach, and you debate just turning back. But, Daryl truly does deserve your thanks and you want to be sure he receives it. "Where's Daryl?"

Merle chuckles, hands stilling over the rifle on his lap. He looks up at you over his brow-bone with a smirk. "Wasn't sure my baby brother had it in him," His chesire grin only grows when you scoff and roll your eyes. It's not like that with Daryl and you're certain he knows that too. "Oh, cmon, sugar! I ain't one to get in the way of young love! Sorry to say, though, Darylina ain't here. Went huntin' before the sun." So that's why Daryl was fully dressed in the early hours of morning. You suppress a sigh of disappointment at your failed mission, knowing that would only egg on Merle's teasing.

❀~~__~~❀~~__~~❀

Word had spread quickly around camp about your early morning escapades (though you'd hardly label it that as it wasn't quite exciting) and you'd been sternly grounded; no runs for the near future.

As the group prepared for their journey to Atlanta, your heart felt heavy. Nothing quite prepares you for just how boring the apocalypse is, especially when your favorite person is going on a run without you.

You flick the rim of Glenn's cap, standing in front of him next to the van. He swats your hand away gently, always careful with you. This is the first time he's gone on a run without you since he found you, and you're not sure what to say. 'Goodbye, hope you come back alive.'? 'Good luck not getting torn apart by the living dead.'?

Glenn beats you to the punch. "I'll see you later." He says, casually. Something about the way it's so easy for him feels like a knife twisting in your gut. You know he's an optimist, you know he believes he's going to see you later, but it hurts to think that he's not as worried about never seeing you again as you are. Overall, you're reminded that you're nothing but a friend to him. One he's only known for a month.

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you later." You breathe, lump forming in your throat when he just grins at you before hopping into the back of the van.

You walk away before you can watch it leave.

❀~~__~~❀~~__~~❀

The day seems to drone on, time moving slowly. You're holding a variety of tools for Dale, handing them off to him each time he makes a request. He and Jim have their heads firmly pointed into the hood of the Winnebago. Wiping the sweat off his forehead, Dale sighs exasperatedly. "Boy, that hose isn't long for this world, is it?"

Jim shakes his head solemnly. "No, sir." Dale hands you back a variety of tools for you to tuck into the toolbox at your feet. He slams the hood shut.

"Where the hell are we gonna find a replacement?"

"Maybe Glenn and I could find an auto store in the city." You offer, shrugging. Dale had made a great friend and mentor; you think you'd do just about anything to make that old man happy. Including risking your life for a damn radiator hose.

"It's late. They should be back by now." Amy yells over. You agree. There's been a nagging sense of concern in the back of your mind. Your trips never take this long.

Dale looks to Amy with an empathetic expression. "Worrying won't make it better." He tells her. The words weren't meant for you but you let them resonate. Worrying won't make it better.

When garbled speech starts to spew over the radio, Dale snatches it up. "Hello? Hello? Reception's bad on this end. Repeat, repeat." He yells into the radio. There's a crowd now gathered around, awaiting a response from the other end. You'd gotten a strange signal the day before but even still you were certain this time it was your group.

More unintelligible speaking comes through. "Is that them?" Lori asks. The next message is clearer. T-dog is speaking, something about trapped and the department store. Your heart sinks to the soles of your feet at what that may imply for their fate. Dale tries once more to get a clearer message when the radio cuts out completely, leaving everyone with a pool of anxiety in their chest.

There's minimal chatter before Shane shuts down the thought of sending help immediately. "No way," He says. "We do not go after them. We do not risk the rest of the group. Y'all know that."

Amy's face turns from scared to red hot rage. "So, we're just gonna leave her there?" You watch Shane, who frankly looks agitated by Amy's reaction. He runs his hand through his hair, the other one placed firmly on his hip.

"Look, Amy, I know this isn't easy."

Amy cuts him off before he can finish that thought. "She volunteered to go to help the rest of us!"

Shane sighs. "I know, and she knew the risks, right?" The question hangs in silence for a second before he goes on. "See, if she's trapped, she's gone. So, we just have to deal with that. There's nothing we can do." You scoff at that.

Amy has a stronger reaction. "She's my sister, you son of a bitch!" She yells before turning and stomping off. Lori goes after her.

"And what about Glenn?" You ask Shane. He doesn't answer. "You people wouldn't have half of the shit here if it wasn't for him." You spit. Just then, thunder begins to rumble in the distance, and you retreat to your tent to wait out the incoming storm.

In classic southern fashion, the rain comes and goes just as quickly. You decide to stay in your tent, worry implanting in the back of your skull keeping you from wanting to socialize. The cheesy romance novel you found on your last run is all the company you'll need for now. A nice distraction from the images of your friends, trapped in Atlanta, being torn apart.

You've read two chapters when you hear it. A blaring car alarm and rock music. Louder than anything you've heard since the bombs dropped.

❀~~__~~❀~~__~~❀

Daryl feels stupid. He barely knows you, certainly doesn't like you. But here he is, staring at a patch of wildflowers. You'd like them, he thinks. He's noticed that embroidered patch on your bag. Flowers of all different pastel hues, some spots stained with dried blood. He crouches over them, pulling his knife from his belt.

His fingers stutter where he goes to slice the stems. It's what people do, right? A 'get well soon' gesture. He's nearly cutting it when a groan sounds behind him. It breaks him out of his trance. Standing, he scoffs, stomping on the flowers. He uses the same knife to plunge into the walker's skull. He doesn't know you, and he's sure as hell not going to be seen carrying around a bundle of flowers to give to a girl.

[darklinaforever]

I'm tired of the shitty arguments from pro Gwynriel or Elucien. These people don't know how to read and are looking for bullshit excuses. Once again, they're going to fall hard when the Elriel book and Elriel endgame arrives.

The delusion of "If Elain had wanted to break the bond, why hasn't she done it yet ?" Oh, I don't know, maybe because something so important regarding Elain should be discussed from her point of view ?!

The delusion of "If Elriel wanted to be together, why aren't they still ?" Oh, I don't know, maybe something so important about them as one of the main characters in the series should be covered in a book from their point of view / about them ?! Like Nessian ?!

The "Azriel needs therapy before dating" rant is a display of cruel bias, because literally every character on this show could use therapy. But why should Azriel be the one solving all his problems before being in a relationship ?! It's just an excuse to keep him from being with Elain. But ironically, he no longer needs therapy if the future partner is no longer Elain but Gwyn.

The delusion of "Azriel is only sexually obsessed with Elain" when literally every guy on this show is horny for the women they like is huge evidence of bad faith. Even more so when it's the very first time in 3 books that we have a scene of this kind for Elriel while everything else was about romantic emotional development, and we learn in this same bonus chapter where Azriel is excited for Elain that he has also been looking at the gifts she gave him every evening for 1 year instead of having used them. But somehow the relationship is only based on unhealthy sexual desire ?!

The disillusionment of "SJM always cheats on us with several romantic interests, so Elriel won't end up together" is powerful... Already, Bryce & Hunt ?! Then, yes, SJM generally gives several love interests to its characters. Azriel already had Mor. Elain already had Grayson.

And don't even get me started on the "Elain is going to end up with Tamlin because she likes flowers and Tamlin is the hight lord of the Spring Court" bullshit because otherwise I might get really angry. Crackship worse than Gwynriel !

I can't wait for the Elriel book to come out so all this bullshit stops. Or at least, for Elriel to finally become canon like it was always planned. Because be sure that the pros Gwynriel and Elucien, once their illusions are shattered, will tell bullshit like this book is not consistent with the others and that it's just fan service in order to prove themselves right. Damn people, people have talked about SJM, all its couples have always been obvious.

[johanna-swann]

Now that I finally finished that multichapter fic I think it's time to self-promote my Bucktommy collection on ao3 once more. They all take place in the same continuity and are sorted chronologically, but each story can be read independently.

"But in this life I met you" is about Tommy who, some months into his relationship with Buck, starts questioning his and Eddie's respective places in Buck's life. (3.6k, Bucktommy endgame, I repeat Bucktommy endgame. Yes, Buddie is mentioned and Tommy is a little insecure about it, but no romantic Buddie.)

"Tommy meets Evan" is a very short oneshot about the first couple of meetings between Tommy and Buck. (Tommy's pov, 1.3k. This is mostly me trying to get into LFJ's head and understand certain acting choices.)

"Most people call it falling in love" is yet another oneshot from Tommy's pov. He's being very normal (read, freaking out) about how much he likes Buck after only three months of dating and goes to Henren for advice about it. (feelings realisation, 3,7k.)

"Love and Lack thereof" is the multichapter fic I just finished this weekend. It's basically a "Tommy begins" type of story. Covers his childhood, his time in the army, his coming back to LA and finding a place for himself until he eventually meets Buck. (6 chapters, sort of angsty but in a very grounded / realistic way as I'm told. 28.5k.)

"I wouldn't know what to do with myself" is the odd one out, sort of, I wrote it before 7x10 aired. In the hospital Buck and Athena sit together for a while and wait for news on Bobby. They talk about all sorts of things while waiting, including Tommy. (ngl this one is more about Buck&Bobby than Buck/Tommy, but I included it anyway. 2.5k.)

I was also working on a story where Tommy and Karen bond and have a conversation about kids and the foster system, but I got sidetracked and wrote the Tommy origin story instead. (Both projects feature Tommy as a former foster kid.) Might still continue this though.

I have an almost finished proposal fic, but it's way too cheesy for my liking. I might need to edit that one a few times before I deem it worthy of publication. (I know the show itself is also very cheesy, at this point it's almost a soap and I do enjoy the drama. But I prefer a hint more realism in my own writing.)

Then there's this break up / make up story I've been thinking about non-stop, this is maybe my favourite wip right now. It needs a lot of work though, I would really put Buck through the wringer here.

That's it for now, if any of the wips pique your interest feel free to ask follow up questions, the links to the completed fics should all be working.

[schoolmysteryno69]

META ANALYSIS - Mitsukou (part 1)

General topic - how they’re written as a one of the romantic couples in the story

Before I start, I need to say few things:

1. I’m not native english speaker. I’m probably going to make a lot of errors and mistakes, mix times, have a lacking vocabulary etc. Please be ready for it. I want to write my meta post anyway, so I would be happy if you will stay to the end with me!

2. If you do not like Mitsukou/hate this ship or anything like that - maybe this post it's not for you. It's totally okay to ship different thing and like different things, I don’t mind. My post is not a starter for a discussion tho, I’m not interested in discourses, argues and hate. I don’t really plan to “prove” anything to anyone or force you to change your mind, whole post is only MY analysis and my point of view. You are not obligated to feel the same way I feel, to see things the same way I see them. 

3. I’m not interested in proving if Mitsukou is going to ever be canon or anything. I don’t know that. I’m also not going to analyze if they’re ever going to be a CANON COUPLE or an ENDGAME COUPLE. It’s only about if they’re written as a romantic relationship, and being written as a romantic couple =/= being a canon couple, they’re a lot of pairs in media that definitely are written as a romantic relationship without them being together ever or being an endgame. I’m not going to speculate about endgame, especially when one of the characters is supernatural and one is a human. 

Okay, I think we can start now!

Let's start from the beginning. Because my first language is not english my post may be a little bit chaotic, putting all my thoughts in at least some order and with at least some sense it's actually hard, haha. In part 1 I will try to cover the first meeting between Kou and the ghost of Mitsuba.

So!

They first met during chapter 18. And it was meeting between Kou and ghost of a Mitsuba Sousuke, so it wasn’t our currently Mitsuba - it worth to mention they're not the same person, even if they are extremely similar, share a lot elements of their personalities, they look nearly the same, and current Mitsuba even share some dead Sousuke's memories because of School Mystery No. 4 Shijima Mei and her Picture Perfect arc. Still - not the same person and Mitsuba Kou met in chapter 18 is not the current Mitsuba. 

At the beginning they're not really that much written as a romantic, their short arc was more like something starting Kou’s personal arc and his development. He got some background, some motivation, some angst, he changed. For most part Kou behaved pretty normal, just like himself - a selfless, lively boy that really wanted to help a lonely, sad ghost that Mitsuba was. (he wasn’t traumatized yet). Even if some of their interaction could be readed with a shippy glasses, there wasn’t anything that was inherently romantic about them. 

I think it's kind of ironic how this is literally their first panel in the manga. Mitsuba literally looks like some kind of eldritch horror and he says “Did you forget about me?”. Yeah Kou, did you? This quite sums some elements of their arc. We know that Kou actually did forget about Mitsuba, who was one of his classmates. Also, Kous' trauma, related to everything that happened to Mitsuba, hunts him for the rest of the story. He also, clearly has a problem with recognition of both Mitsubas, with dealing with Ghost Mitsuba death and with the idea of forgetting someone and leaving someone. We also know that, when current!Mitsuba was made by Tsukasa, he didn’t remember Kou. That's why this quote here is very ironic. 

There is nothing really to analyze here but I find it funny. Yeah, you quite literally just haunted the wrong guy and it’s going to be a problem for you and said guy for the next 15 volumes of the manga. Good luck. 

Even after calling Mitsuba an “evil spirit” Kou still tries to help him and even decides to “take the big tough guy approach” to make Mitsuba feel safer about him. Kou is not really “the big tough guy”, even if he tries to pose as one. He is a 14 yo kid with kind of fucked up situation in life, even, if he doesn’t recognize it yet. 

Maybe you could learn something from Kous stupid earning, mr. boy who DIED in the car accident.

It's definitely not an accident that Mitsuba died hit by a car and Kou has a BIG earning with a big caption “TRAFFIC SAFETY”. Even after reading all chapters up to 103 I’m not really sure how I should interpret this exact symbolism in their relationship, but it's definitely done on purpose by the authors. I think it may symbolize that Kou, with a “traffic safety” earning will save Mitsuba, who previously died in a traffic accident from dying another time? Like, now Mitsuba have Kou by his side and maybe Kou will manage to keep him safe. His earning is mentioned by Mitsuba too many times, it's done so we can notice it, for sure. And I wonder how it turns out. 

It’s the first time Mitsuba suggests that Kou either has some kind of feelings toward him, tries to do something dirty towards him or something similar. Every time he just jokes or tries to provoke Kou or something like that. At first I thought it's just how Mitsuba is, some people love to joke like that, but then I noticed, later in the story, that Kou is quite literally the only person Mitsuba ever does this to. Sure he does not have many friends “his age” but still during the manga it would be possible for him to behave like that toward other characters, but he does not. He jokes like that only toward Kou and I think during the next parts of my writing I will point it out more.

Even after 20 minutes of insulting he is still concerned about Mitsuba. That's so funny and sweet. 

Yeeeaaah sure it totally does not relate in any way to the fact that ghost Motsuba got to die after taking a photo of KOU out of everything yeeeeaaaah nada nope. It's crazy how the authors planned this because Hanako really started as some kind of funny manga about kids and ghosts and supernatural things, but the angst we get later is actually top notch and kinda scary. There was few moments I really had to like, stand up and walk in my room because of the emotions I felt after reading.

Look how happy he is with the idea of being a model to the Mitsubas photos. He is bright, smiling and even blushing. The next ironic thing is how he cried after actually seeing a picture of himself made by Mitsuba. Also I like how prominent his earning is here.

Mitsuba is very particular, he really made pictures only of animals, plants and other non-human things. That's probably why his photo of Kou hit me like a train. That's literally narratively confirming that Mitsuba saw Kou as something (someone) he likes, someone that is important to him. Kou also realized it after seeing the picture, that was one of the reasons why he was so devastated.

There are few things about that whole scene I would like to point up. The first are doves. Mitsuba, especially Ghost Mitsuba, is often presented with doves as a form of his symbolism. Doves and cherry blossoms are probably the most prominent symbols of his character. I’m not really that good when it comes to symbols, but I think doves symbolize things like peace, but also some form of innocence/purity and love. Some sources also say about transformation and spirituality. I think one of the reasons for choosing doves is to symbolize how he didn’t deserve to die like that, that his soul is actually good and seeks for peace. In Kou’s eyes he is also someone innocent, definitely. Especially when we are talking about ghost Mitsuba at the beginning of a story. 

ALSO I’m pretty sure birds are foreshadowing to current!Mitsuba being made from the school mystery no. 3 who looked like a bird and who current!Mitsuba gained a lot of his characteristics from. Current!Mitsuba hair looks like feathers, his hand looks like talons etc. He is heavily associated with birds from the beginning. Even if Ghost!Mitsuba is associated with doves more and current!Mitsuba with ravens or crows. 

The next thing about this scene is Kou finally realizing he knew Mitsuba and it hit him. Understanding that Mitsuba actually KNEW Kou and it was Kou who didn’t remember him probably made him feel remorse and generally really bad about himself. That’s not a nice thing if you forget about a boy who was with you in a class, and the fact that ghost Mitsuba actually tried to talk to him and asked him “Did you forget about me”... It's hard for me to even imagine what Kou felt at that moment. 

Also, Mitsuba surely didn’t know about Kou being from an exorcist family, so he wouldn't expect that Kou will take direct action after meeting a ghost lol. If it comes to Mitsuba, I’m pretty sure it was very scary.

I wish we could see more of them like that. Just like two boys having fun with each other. I love angst, trust me. But I think they deserve rest and to just have a chance to play and talk a be… normal for once. Everytime when they get a chance to have fun they’re cute and hilarious together. 

Rain can symbolize sadness and hard emotions soooo yeah, I’m not surprised it started raining. I think it sort of symbolizes feelings of both Kou and Mitsuba here.

They’re going to the third floor and I’m sure it's foreshadowing to Mitsuba becoming a School Mystery no. 3. 

I’m still impressed how much foreshadowing is during their first meeting (chap 18-20). Like the birds, nr 3, traffic safety earning, motif of remembering/forgetting etc. You could also think that photography would be something like that but… it's not. Photography becomes a thing that is helping recognizing human/ghost Mitsuba from current supernatural Mitsuba. They’re similar but not the same person. Photos were one of the main characteristics of the original Mitsuba, both in this arc and during a moment with Mitsubas mother later. It was always about photos, but it's never about photos when it comes to our current Mitsuba.

Yeah, that kind of explains why Kou didn’t remember him immediately, even after seeing how Mitsuba looks and hearing his surname he should know. Because, like, Kou should remember him, they were in the same class, sit close to each other etc. But the mask that Mitsuba created was so strong that made him nearly imperceptible (like, you know, a ghost hah) and at this point tbh I don’t think Mitsuba liked it very much. He is actually a pretty bold and cocky person and all of this probably bugged him. Of course he wasn’t bullied, but was it worth becoming somebody different, somebody boring and bland to others? I think there is some form of regret. But also I don’t think that ALL of this was a mask, because Mitsuba definitely has some of a calmer and more sweet side to himself, he showed it a lot of times.

He tries to fix it up by recognizing him now for who he is. With both his positive and negative aspects, even if he points out mostly his flaws. Still, this is the Mitsuba he met, the Mitsuba he knows and the Mitsuba he IS GOING TO remember. Mitsuba he befriended now. It actually means a lot for Sousuke. He is dead, he may have thought that it's the end for him and for all of his relationships he ever had. Its funny how Mitsuba said he is a ghost because he still wanted to do photos, but the truth is he wanted relationships, but the true ones. Not based on his “fake” nice self, but on real him with all his flaws and that's why he haunted other students rather than just… go do photos or something. He tried to connect to others, because he subconsciously thought relationships and friends he had when he lived weren’t really true and real. It’s ironic how it resembles the current!Mitsuba in Picture Perfect act. 

Kou started to realize who Mitsuba was and how tragic his situation was, he started to empathize. Kou has a martyr complex, so he wanted to help Mitsuba any way he could. It was also shown that he does LIKE Mitsuba even with his twisted personality, Kou said it himself and it surely means a lot for Mitsuba who wasn’t liked before for his true personality. That was probably the moment Mitsuba felt a real bond towards Kou and become attached to him. 

And Kou even blushed a few times.That would still be read as platonic and sweet tho!. I think it was, personally. The most important thing during their first meeting was, of course, how it ended, because, in my opinion, it was a moment when most (not all tho) Kou's mental problems started. There was still his family, of course. Teru loves Kou very much, but still his mentality and behavior was a root for Kou’s low self esteem and some other elements of his personality, tho I think it may be a topic for a whole different post.

In this small arc, in my opinion, the moment that was the beginning of me perceiving them as written as one of the couples, a romantic relationship was this exact moment:

“I don’t know… maybe something important to me?” 

And also a moment when Kous saw this picture for the first time, when he developed photos, and how this cracked him.

Generally, becoming friends with Mitsuba was very important to Kou. Not only because he wanted to help him (and, internally, also making Kou feel better about himself) but also it was probably the first time when… Kou may feel somewhat special? He always was in the shadow of Teru, he wasn’t an “official” exorcist, he wasn't going to missions in the town, he wasn’t very strong (Hanako literally KO’ed him without a sweat and Kou couldn't do much to Hanako), the girl he got a small crush on (Nene) clearly had something with Hanako… Kou was always pushed back and now, with Mitsuba, he made an actually special relationship between the only two of them. He felt NEEDED, and we all know how much Kou desperately needs to feel NEEDED. In his own mind, he was the only one that could help Mitsuba and that understood Mitsuba, that's why Mitsubas ghost death was so hard for him. He finally got something special for himself and he couldn't even protect it and he let lonely, poor ghost tragically vanish. That's some trauma for you.

I’m not going to write much about Mitsubas feelings there because it was Sousuke Mitsubas feelings - and currently I’m going to focus more on a School Mystery Mitsuba. Tho Sousuke definitely perceived Kou and his help as something special to him. That's where their fated bond started. 

“You can help me develop them tomorrow and then… I think I’ll be okay”.

Yet we can’t see his eyes when he speaks, and that suggests he thinks something different that what he speaks. Not showing eyes is a common motif to show that a character is lying or saying something he does not think or hiding something. Here is just like that - it’s not about photos, it's about KOU. It’s because of Kou he is going to be okay, not because of the photos he took today. Something changed for Mitsuba when Kou recognized him for someone he actually is and wanted to become friends with him. For Mitsuba it means a lot because when he was alive he couldn’t get true friends and real relationships with others. 

Yeah walk walk trauma baby. I know I mention  ‘trauma” a lot when it comes to Kou, but the whole manga is like a one big parade of traumas for this boy and it's not even funny. I’m not surprised he is starting to become more and more insane with every next arc. Especially in the Night Out small arc we can clearly see how detached from actual reality Kou starts to be and how he stops recognizing differencs between supernatural and real word, good and evil, selfless and selfish behavior etc. It’s all the result of the traumatic situations he was put in for like 16 volumes straight. And he is bearing it A LOT WORSE than Nene is.

Ouch. 

“You wished for people remembering you but now youre happy with just a one person?” That hits hard but also I’m angry at Tsukasa, like leave that boy alone.Even one person can make a change in someones life, and thats what Mitsuba felt at a moment. For Kou he was someone, he was real, he had a personality, Kou recognized him and that gives him a true sense of identity. For him it was enough

You met like half of a day before and you are calling him your friend and fighting for him with an unknown dangerous supernatural who looks exactly like your other friend. Bruh that's some dedication. Kou is desperate to save Mitsuba, but Kou is generally desperate to be a savior. He tries to “save” Nene a lot of times even if it’s not really necessary, because Nene also has other friends and people who support her and is pretty clever and capable of bearing problems on her own (most of the time). Yet Kou still treats Nene like some damsel in distress that need his protection when it's CLEARLY not like that. Sadly, Kou mostly fails anyway. He fails now with Mitsuba and if it comes to Nene, if she needs saving, the person who (usually) saves her is Hanako. Kou rarely has something he can actually do and it's cracking him up mentally.

Yeah, “I’m supernatural who grants wishes” not “I’m a ghost of a boy who once lived in this town”. Yeah. It was right here from the beginning.

I just hope it’s not a form of foreshadowing.

His last words were “Minamoto-kun”, it's so sad. On this last panel he actually looked a little brighter than on the previous panel of his transformation, and that's because he looked at Kou. 

I need to say, seeing a person you treat important to you and calling a friend dying in a horrible way and hearing their last words being your name must be pretty stressful. It would probably haunt me for a long time and I’m sure Kou is still affected by it.

On the 20 chapter cover Mitsuba is together with the rest of the main squad (Nene, Hanako, Kou). It was pretty weird back then - he literally died and looks like he was going to be a one-arc character that started Kous character development, but this cover was a hint that it's going to be different and Mitsuba, probably, is going to play a whole different role in the story. He, also, had a hand around Kous head and nearly touched his hair gently - its a symbol of intimacy. 

That was a proof how strong, narratively, their relationship is and is going to be during the progression of a story. And, in my opinion, a foreshadowing to Mitsubas feelings. Because I think currently, our Mitsuba is aware of his feelings toward Kou, but I’m going to cover this topic a little bit later. 

On this cover there is a lot more symbolism,especially with Hanako and his role in the story, but it's also a thing for a whole different post. 

What Tsukasa said was that Mitsubas wish was ‘“ want to stay with my friends forever and ever”.

That’s literally what I said earlier. 

It’s a recurring topic with current!Mitsuba and his relationship with Kou.  Mitsuba feels lonely and… Kou also feels lonely. Even if he has a brother, father and friends (Nene and Hanako and other school friends) Kou is incredibly lonely because of his inferiority complex. He desperately needed to be needed, needed to be special to someone, needed to be important to someone, and that person was Mitsuba. Right now, he is the most important person to Mitsuba and that's both good and very bad for Kou. Good because he finally feels like someone important and someones one and only, but bad because of how traumatic his relationship with Mitsuba is to him and how unhealthy it is. And by it I don’t mean  they’re toxic or bad people - they are kids who want to be loved and who want to have their place in the world. But Mitsuba is a monster, he is a supernatural, whos life is stained away by his instinct, who needs to eat other monsters and who does not really… have any actual bright future and Kou is traumatized boy with low self estem, problems with his selfworth, with martyr complex and some sort of suicidal tendencies. They have a lot to work out.

Kou is going to be a supernatural / is going to try to be a supernatural / is going to be forced to be supernatural - hint number one. 

Yes, I will go back to this topic, because I’m literally scared of it so much. It's prominent during the whole story that Kou is foreshadowed to have a plotline related to becoming supernatural in some way. And when this topic is touched it's usually related to his plotline with Mitsuba. I’m kind of scared of HOW it’s going to happen or if it’s going to be only a try or Kou really will become supernatural in some way. But it's too much of a recurring topic of Kous WHOLE character arc to not being important and to not happen. It's even hard to call it foreshadowing, its literal hints everywhere. 

Kou spent with Mitsuba literally… one day, outside of being in the same class for a while (Kou didn’t even remember this time THAT much, time they spend together this day was more important) and yet he CLINGED SO HARD to the idea that Mitsuba is his “friend”. He desperately needed to be wanted, needed, to have a special bond, to being able to help, to save someone. And yet he lost Mitsuba at this moment, he couldn't do shit to save him, he was absolutely… just useless during a fight. It affected him a lot. 

During the scene when Hanako “kills” Mitsuba, there are sakura petals. They’re heavily associate with Mitsuba and are one of his symbols:

This scene, narratively was a scene that said to us he is GONE. For good. It was a “goodbye” for him and Kou, he is dead. That's all. At this point we couldn't know we are going to meet current!Mitsuba, so we could thing that is the end of Mitsuba and the beginning of a Kous arc. And… it was both of these things but in the whole DIFFERENT meaning. Of course it was goodbye to the Sousuke, he is dead, he can’t come back. Of course it was a beginning for Kous development. But… it was also a beginning for our current!Mitsuba, for slowly progressing Kous insanity as an effect of his trauma and the beginning for Mitsuba and Kous actual arc and relationship. We thought it was the end but it was actually the beginning that changed… the whole Kou, to be honest.

I think it's related not only to Mitsuba but to Hanako, too. Imagine what Hanako could feel at that moment. He is a ghost and a supernatural who know how doomed he is and he only protects school and Nene. But Kou said it's bullshit and clearly believes in what he says. Sadly, Hanako is so stubborn.

One of the symbols related to Kou is a lion. Lions may symbolize a lot of things, like strength, courage but also - protection. Just like Kou tries to protect everyone and tries to be strong and courageous for others. I actually think it suits him quite well. Lions also symbolize the sun and it was shown a few times that Kou is like a sun to Mitsuba.

At some point of a story he is definitely going to do some crazy shit I’m telling you. He really tries to believe that he can find a way to change how the world works and it can end up good but.. it can also end up INCREDIBLY BAD. It’s not that good to mess up with life and death and when you cross up a border there is no coming back. With every arc the manga is becoming a little bit more dark and serious with topic it shows and och boy I’m kind of scared for Kou and Mitsuba.

You can literally hear me crying. It was probably the first moment in the manga that actually had any impact on me, I was really like… I had to stand and walk for a bit before reading. Kou sees a photo of himself and remembers Sousuke saying “Who knows? Maybe something important to me?” and starting crying was like. I wanted to cry too. I can’t even imagine what Kou felt at this moment, it was probably absolutely heartbreaking. 

This small arc finished with chapter 20.During the next arc, Kou, already  affected by Mitsubas death, gets to know that Nene also has a shortened lifespan and it's going to die very shortly. That wasn’t too good for his mental state and he literally fixated on a goal in saving her. When Kou learned about Nene’s situation, Hanako even related it to Mitsubas situation, so we can clearly understand these two examples are related to Kou. He doesn’t want this situation to happen again.

“Just like with this boy, there is nothing you can do” - Hanako you little shit

But yeah. Again Kou understands how useless he is. How weak he is, how he can’t save anyone the way he is. How he could do nothing about Mitsubas situation and how he can’t do nothing about Nene’s situation. That's tragic. And it's clear Kou doesn’t know what to do about it. Thats why, when current!Mitsuba appeared, he started to find such a ridiculous (and unhealthy) solutions to Mitsubas (and Kous) problems. He don't know what to do but desperately needs to do… something. Anything. To help, to be important. 

It's sad. He said he dont know what he is gonna do, but HE WILL DO SOMETHING. And yet… we know how it all goes for him. He is a brave kid, who is determined and wants others to be happy and alive. 

He even tried to stop a kiss between Hanako and Nene after reading Nenes book and failed. He always fails.

There is also an special page

It is titled “Love stories” that should be about Mitsuba. And it contains both Mitsuba and Kou. It's just a joke, but I need to point out that Mitsuba generally wasn’t shown to be interested in any girl during the progression of the story or never talked about it in general. He also does not crush on Nene, even when both Hanako and Kou felt something toward her at some point in the story.He also talks about how cute he is A LOT and I’m going to say something about it someday, but not now.

I think it's enough for part 1! I think I covered everything I wanted for their first meeting. Let's see at Mitsubas resurrection in the Hell of Mirrors!

[toriwritesstories]

Unsolicited Ask that I thought of tonight: have you ever written anything about your reasons for writing the whole fic out before starting to publish it? I think you’re the only person I know who does it this way (I know many people try to ‘write ahead’ a bunch, but usually not the whole thing). I sometimes try to do finish first, but lately I end up starting to publish once I’m most of the way through as a way to force myself to finish the fic 😂 Nothing deep here, just curious 🙏

Hey friend!!! I always appreciate an unsolicited ask because as everyone probably knows about me, I could talk forever about writing or fandom or... probably dozens of other things!

So thanks for asking! I would love to explain why I do it this way! And I apologize in advance for how long of a story time this is going to be - just remember, you asked 😜

So I've been posting fanfic for just about 12 years now (almost exactly, I think) since I was 13 (oof) and I used to post a chapter immediately after completing it. Back then, I came home from school, cranked out a 2k chapter, updated my fic, and then did the same thing the next day. I didn't proofread anything and it was all just vibes haha.

I had a few instances of abandoning fics after a while, things that I didn't end up feeling like finishing, and I hated doing that to people especially because I personally really struggle to read WIPs for that reason. I'm a binge reader through and through and I want my fics to be bingeable without leaving off in a weird place.

So by the time I started writing for Clexa and moved to writing on Ao3, I'd started loosely following a 7ish chapter ahead rule. If I was cranking the chapters out like crazy, sometimes I would let myself post more than 7 chapters ahead, but I roughly kept that number. While writing this way, I realized another major perk to writing ahead, which was that I could go back and change things if I realized I needed to to make something work that I hadn't planned. And since I don't really plan a fic much at all (I don't outline or even usually jot down more than a few ideas, although it does depend on the fic), it was nice to have some of that wiggle room.

However even doing it this way, there was still something that sometimes threw a wrench in my writing process - comments. Specifically, comments where people would say what they hoped would happen or hoped WOULDN'T happen... and my anxious brain would feel like I should change things based on what readers wanted. And sometimes this would really get to me and I'd suddenly lose steam with writing.

I do want to be clear that there's nothing wrong with these kinds of comments, at least not to me and definitely not anymore. Nowadays, I always encourage people to tell me what they think will happen, what their predictions are! I love to hear them! I just have anxiety, which used to be untreated, and am a people pleaser and so sometimes I used to take these kinds of comments the wrong way....

To give a specific and the biggest example, there was a Clexa fic that I wrote that had a plot twist that a couple people did not like. Someone commented that they didn't even want a Clexa endgame in that fic anymore, and that short circuited my brain - in my mind, that meant I had really messed up, because of course I was planning on a Clexa endgame. I abandoned the fic for a long time, and then a long while later, I actually rewrote that plot twist and finished/reposted the fic with a new ending on Ao3 (originally it was on FFnet). To my horror, the same commenter came back and said that I didn't need to change it and that they still felt like I should've continued without a Clexa endgame. Anyway the whole thing threw me off and really stuck with me.

But it was actually Choni that I started this pattern of always finishing a fic first with, but it wasn't exactly intentional at the time. It was the start of my sophomore year of college, I'd just broken up with my ex and fallen into a Choni spiral. It was the first week of classes and I knew I was soon going to be swamped with homework, but I had this fic idea so I was using every ounce of free time to write. I wrote all 93,716 words in 12 days, no input from anyone else, just me and my brain.

Then I posted it over the course of the semester, one to two chapters a week, and dude, it was like free seratonin! People left comments and kudos, and even if people had thoughts or ideas, I had this comfort knowing that I'd already finished it and when I finish a fic, I don't really go back to change much other than small edits. So every week, I posted a chapter, got feedback, and I used the excitement from the readers to motivate myself in writing something new at a slower pace while I posted - once again without anyone else's input. I never went back after that.

As I discovered my specific flavor of neurodiversity, I also realized that having a fic incomplete posted will literally weight on me in my mental to-do list, and will overwhelm me so much that I'll kinda get stuck and not be able to finish. This actually almost just happened to me again with a Shadowzel epilogue I needed to finish. I created a Series on Ao3 to make sure I would finish, and I had already written like 10k, but then I got distracted and then it was hanging over me and it didn't feel fun anymore for a second, it felt only stressful. But I did finally take a breath, reset, and finish. My brain just struggles with that, I think.

Anyway, there was an unfortunate side effect to my realization, though. Somehow, my anxiety managed to convince myself that I actually had to keep the entire story a secret for me to be able to finish it. So I wouldn't tell anyone any bit about it - I couldn't even tell the ideas to my partner or my close fandom friends, because I was worried the idea would die before I could finish it.

I've been working against that false belief slowly but surely. One of my recent Shadowzel fics I had a friend as my alpha reader the entire time, and now I always tell my spouse all about the ideas I'm writing. So I'm breaking through that box I've put myself in.

But I don't think I'll go back to posting as I go. I am lucky that if I love an idea enough, I can motivate myself to write from start to finish, and then sharing it is, like I said, practically free seratonin and dopamine haha. I do sometimes still get anxious about whether I made the right decisions and whether people will like how I wrote it, but my lovely friends and readers never hesitate to build me up and reassure me. So I try to just trust myself and tell myself that if someone doesn't like it, they can click off of it, but at least I know I am happy with how I wrote it, because I always write exactly what I'd want to read.

Apologies again for such a long answer, but I actually enjoyed detailing all of this. It's a question I've answered a few times in some group chats and stuff but never in this much detail. 😄

[oristian]

Hey cutie, how are you, love your posts, would you share how you came to ship gwynriel/elucien? and your initial thoughts when you read about them?

Thank you so much, I love this! Time to absolutely gush about Elucien with an added bonus of Gwynriel. Let me take you on my reading journey for ACOTAR, because I love learning about where everyone began and where they are now!

I read the books for the first time in January. I had seen so many spoilers for months before I caved and bought the first book—my goal was to read it and tear it to filth because I was prepared for it to be mediocre and boring, and I had heard that it was full of smut. I was about to be its biggest critic just out of spite for Booktok ….. And here we are, now.

I actually went into the books shipping Feysand and Elriel based on everything that I saw on Tik Tok; I am a sucker for pretty artwork, and some of the videos I saw for Elriel seemed pretty interesting. I had not yet seen any other characters at that point. When I started reading the books, I read just for fun and really fell in love with Lucien and Nesta and that is where my focus fell—at that point, I was not thinking much on ships, but I knew that I currently was not a fan of Feylin and I already knew that Feyre was going to end up with Rhys.

When I got to ACOMAF and I saw that Elain and Lucien were mates, any thought that I had about Elriel literally died on the spot—everything made sense to me. I was already taken by Nessian, but seeing Elucien literally grounded me in place because of how much foreshadowing and symbolism they had as a couple. I immediately bought ACOWAR as I was still reading the ending and read it right after finishing. I was skipping full sections of the book just looking for scenes between Elain and Lucien, as that was all I cared about (I did eventually go back and reread it in full, for anyone wondering). No other fictional couple—besides Dramione and Chuck and Blair—has had me quite like they do.

I have said this so many times, but Elain and Lucien have the most insane amount of potential and compatibility out of any of SJM’s current couples. Everything about them is so complimentary and their book is about to end me. I could honestly talk about them all day if I had the time, but one day I plan on writing comparisons and symbolisms between them from each book in a comprehensive study—possibly when SJM announces the next book I will be more eager to do so.

As for Gwynriel, I knew from the second they met that they would be endgame. I have always been someone who is very in tune with the direction of a story, and I really adored Azriel and wanted the best possible love interest for him—originally, I thought that he would meet that person in his own book (or even Eris 🙈), until Gwyn came along. Most definitely my focus was on Nesta and Nessian in ACOSF, but I knew that Azriel had been included in this arc for a reason. Cassian easily could have been the only trainer, but including Azriel, as well? Something is being built up.

All of the little moments between Azriel and Gwyn were so pointed and written in such a way to draw in the reader’s attention. My original thought was that Azriel and Gwyn would get together by the end of the book, only because, at the time, I was not aware that there were more books being written after ACOSF. So, my thought was that Elucien and Gwynriel would happen in the background of ACOSF—I was disappointed if that was the case, of course. It was not until I joined the fandom in April that I learned that there were more books coming.

It was not until May that I learned about Azriel’s bonus chapter—and bonus chapters, in general. That chapter only solidified what I knew in that Azriel and Gwyn were endgame, but this time with the added bonus of them being foreshadowed as mates. The rest is history!

Sorry for the long winded answer, as you can see I am very passionate about my interests.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

OKAY. OKAY. WINTERS FAMILY TORMENT NEXUS. as i've said before this is all REALLY vague rough outlines bc i wanted to bounce it all back n forth with u. but. what i have:

>winters family (mark & ashe & fridged mom/wife) live in a location hit by the simurgh

>mark is at work when she arrives. something horrific happens at home. maybe his wife is injured or hurt, but not killed. ashe (7/8/9) triggers. whatever his powers are, they. do Not help heal his mom. in fact the opposite.

>mark tears back home asap instead of leaving as soon as he hears her song, actively choosing to stay in her effect zone for his family. finds newly triggered baby ashe & the rest of that scene.

>theyve spent too long in the affected zone to be allowed to go free, especially since ashe triggered from it. mark nukes his whole past life & ashe's to escape without undergoing all the protocols. he spends ages doing shit work to support him & ashe bc theyre both legally dead, ends up working for overlord, manages to get enough of a fake past to get through cauldron background checks & get powers? it'll pay so much better than the grunt work he's doing now & he has to support ashe (powered)(legally dead)(would probably be executed if anyone Found Out)....

anyway to me the trickster is like. the endgame of this specific simurgh rube goldberg. somehow it doesn't end horrifically, for once! but it gets. bad. the fact that they're simurgh survivors is always looming over their heads. its why mark fucking freaks out when ashe joins the wards. literally have nothing more specific than this though u gotta help me put meat on these bones!!!!! STOP "being responsible" and "doing work" and stuff START thinking incessantly abt nhw ashe!!!!! i don't even know his powers bc i have no clue how he triggered!!!! augh. god. them..... mods torture that blonde man in the most narratively satisfying and fucked up way possible!!!!

QUIT YOUR JOB JOIN MY EMO WARDS !!!!!!!!!!!!! god dude god dude I'm gonna be thinking about this all fucking DAY . who needs to be responsible and have a job. not me!!!! FUCK !!!!!!!! dude im just. thinking abt mark being at work getting the notice to evacuate and starting to hear the song and. bc it's important to me that he's a little bit of a coward. it takes him longer than he will ever admit to decide to go back to his family. he definitely hesitates and hates himself for it because. what if he had gotten there 10 minutes earlier! who fucking knows! he never will!!

god man I'm just thinking about. that scene where they're in the hospital waiting to hear back about noelle and the person (ai?) at the desk is giving them the rundown of all the containment procedures and handing them paperwork and asking them if they can pay for the medical care. how fucked up would that be to hear after you're in the midst of losing everything. mark winters the universes most hated man. I looooooove the satisfaction in thinking about that snap decision where he goes from "relatively normal if a little emotionally repressed but otherwise does his best suburban dad" to "my wife is dead and my son is fucked up and there's this fucking sound in my head that won't go away I'm about to erase everything and break several laws in order to get us out of here" and how that eventually leads into. supervillain. it's just soooooooo. sickos haha yessss the downfall of this fucking miserable blonde guy. when do you think he consciously made that choice. he heard "you're never going to get out of here and live a normal life again" do you think he just . sat with that for a while. ashe unresponsive either due to shock or fear or the trauma of triggering/whatever his powers are and mark just has to sit there. by himself. like what the fuck am I gonna do now. auaghghghghhhh I need 2 make him so miserable forever. fuck that guy i hate his ass (<< me when I lie)

I THINK . I NEED TO SIT FOR A WHILE AND FINISH THESE NEXT COUPLE CHAPTERS AND PROCESS A LITTLE MORE BEFORE I MAKE A SOLID DECISION ON ASHES POWERS. but you knowwwww it's gonna be some fucked up horror shit. it has to be. it has to be something fucked up enough that mark forbids him from using his powers and keeps him . at home isolated for his own good. but not TOO fucked that he wouldn't be able to join the wards.

actually speaking of. HOW THE FUCK DOES HE JOIN THE WARDS. I know mark basically fucking erased their whole identity and everything but. there's noooo way the prt would let this kid join them. right?????? right????. how the hell would that even be a possibility with all the precautions in place for simurgh survivors. THEY EXPLODED THAT ONE CAPE GUYS HEAD BECAUSE HE STAYED IN PROXIMITY FOR A LITTLE BIT TOO LONG. maybe it's unofficial. maybe he never Officially joins them but he sneaks out while mark is gone and meets the boys somewhere and they become friends out of costume first. and then they learn about his powers and ashe is like "I can help!" and helps them like. as a rogue or something. but hes never registered as an official cape. is this anything. im thinking about him so much what the fuuuuuck have we done. what have we done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Ok I know I said a couple more chapters, but I managed to fit it all into one… so here you go part 15! Thank you so much to everyone who tuned in and shared with me their comments on this series. I’m sad to be seeing it go but excited for what’s to come next! Stay turned for an eventual epilogue (with spice 🤫)

Pairings: Jake Kiszka x Danny Wagner ***slash janny endgame baby!!!

Warnings and tags: 18+ only please, adult content such as: anxiety, drinking, talk of pregnancy, talk of past infidelity, kissing, and confessions, slash of course, restaurant AU, third person POV Jake, Sam, and Danny, and that’s about it for this one

Word count: 8.6k

Driving with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on his phone to navigate through the dark Nashville streets, Jake pulled up on Sam’s pinned location and saw him through the window of a convenience store.

When Sam saw his car pull up he hopped off the counter he’d been sitting on and ran outside, waiting by Jake’s door for him to roll down the window.

“Hey, you have six bucks? I don’t have my wallet”.

“What? Sam what’s going on?” Jake started to question him to which Sam just stuck his shivering hand inside the window and made a give me motion until Jake pulled out his wallet and found a ten, dropping his phone underneath his seat in the commotion.

“Thanks!” Sam snatched the bill from his brother's confused grip and ran back inside, handing the whole thing over to the man standing at the register and shaking his hand before leaving.

Jake studied Sam’s appearance as he approached the car, this time walking around to the passenger's side. No jacket, apparently no wallet, and was his shirt inside out?

“What in the hell are you doing out here alone?” Jake tried his questions again once Sam was inside.

“I’m not alone, Jimmy was keeping me company”.

Jimmy? Jake followed Sam’s line of sight to the man still standing idly behind the counter of the store. He took an inhale and nearly choked it right back up, Sam smelled of alcohol and cheap black coffee. “Are you drunk?!”

“Sobered up now, thanks to Jimmy!” Sam leaned over and waved at the man from Jake’s window, who smiled revealing a few missing teeth and waved back.

“Again, what are you doing here? Where’s Danny?”

Sam’s half smile faded at the sound of Danny’s name, and he slumped back into the passenger's seat letting his head rest on the window.

When Sam didn’t reply Jake shifted the car back into drive and pulled out of the lot, “alright, well, let’s just get you home”.

Sam didn’t speak for the rest of the car ride back to his apartment. Just closed his eyes and let his head buzz along with the vibrations of his temple against the glass. Jake wanted to talk to Sam, tell him about the good news he’d gotten today. He’d spent all afternoon on the phone with their Dad going over the logistics of opening his own place and getting support for making his decision, but he knew right now was not the right time to bring it up so he kept quiet.

Just as Sam started to actually drift off to sleep Jake was slapping his shoulder. “Sam! We’re here”.

He blinked a few times, tired and sore eyes adjusting to the overhead light Jake must have clicked on when he parked along the street.

“Alright, are you going to tell me now how you ended up at a random convenience store in the middle of the night?”

“Closest place from the apartment I could find to still get coffee” he replied, purposefully not getting into much detail.

Who’s apartment? He couldn’t have been talking about his apartment, it was too far of a walk. Then it hit Jake. He’d thought the area looked slightly familiar when he was driving around. He’d only been that way once, but now he remembered who lived over there. “Jesus Sam, were you at Savanna’s?”

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed. He really was too tired to be fighting right now, but the anger he’d had pent up all day was starting to surface again the more sober he got. “Yeah I was, is that a problem with you?”

“Look, I don’t want to get in the middle of you guys again, but please tell me you didn’t just cheat on Danny then call me to come pick you up”.

“Why? What’s the problem? You don’t seem to have an issue with cheating. And you're my brother Jake; you're supposed to be there for me. Not fuck things up in my life whenever you feel like it”.

Jake didn’t understand where Sam was coming from, never guessing that Sam knew the secret he and Danny agreed to keep, but he was not talking well to being yelled at in his own car when he was the one who was called out in the middle of the night. “What the fuck is your problem right now?”

“You!” Sam laughed hysterically at Jake’s arrogant refusal to take responsibility for his actions. “You’re my fucking problem! Accusing me of cheating is a lot coming from you when you fucking slept with my boyfriend while I was gone!”

“What?!” Jake immediately started to become more defensive. Not only for his own sake, but for Danny’s. “He told me you broke up with him! Showed up at my doorstep in fucking pieces!”

Sam recoiled back against the door again. Danny did tell him he thought they’d broken up, and honestly Sam knew they had after the way they left things, but he hadn’t realized how much it had affected Danny. There he was in LA having a great time getting ready for this next exciting chapter in his life, and Danny was back at home suffering. It’s was no wonder he went looking for some comfort… Even if it did start to make some sense, he couldn’t so easily forgive them and forget his own hurt.

“When are you going to let him go Sam?” Jake questioned him after a moment of silence once the argument died down.

Sam’s eyes started to well up again, but he choked the tears back down. He did not want to cry in front of his brother. “I do love him Jake, he’s my best friend”.

“I know you love him Sammy,” Jake sighed, he never meant to insinuate otherwise, “but are you in love with him?”

That was a question Sam hoped he’d never have to ask himself. He understood the concept of falling in and out of love with someone, but he never realized how difficult it would be to actually discern the difference between the two. How heart wrenching it would be to come to the realization.

“It’s okay if you’re not. I promise you he will be okay” Jake added, just hoping to ease a little of his pain.

“I thought I could fall in love with him” Sam finally responded, his voice just a fraction of what it was before.

Jake nodded his head in understanding, “anyone can fall in love with Danny if they try hard enough, it’s Danny, but is that what’s really best for him?”

Leave it to Jake to be bestowing his cryptic wisdom on him at this hour Sam thought to himself. “You would know” he pushed back. He was pretty sure Jake didn’t even have to try to fall in love with Danny, and that was also probably a big part of the reason why he was so jealous of them.

“When you text me you said you’d ’fucked up’,” Jake tried steering the conversation back away from himself, “what exactly did you do at Savanna’s?”

Sam swallowed, ready for Jake’s anger to return, “I kind of told her about you and Danny sleeping together…”

“You what- you told Savanna!” Jake frantically checked his pockets and his cup holders for his phone, nearly forgetting that he’d dropped it earlier. “Savanna and Kim are friends Sam! You didn’t stop to think she might say something? Ah shit!” When he remembered where it was he swung his door open so he could climb out and squat down to reach his hand under the seat, finally finding his phone face down on the floorboard. When he turned it over he saw four missed calls from Kim. So she had already been told.

Sam got out of the car as well, coming around the front end careful to keep his distance from Jake in case one of their old brotherly fist fights broke out over this. “I know, I know… but Jake, you know you shouldn’t have kept that a secret from her either right?”

As much as Jake did want to knock the shit out of him, Sam was right. He didn’t blame Danny at all, but his stomach was sour every time he was with Kim after. He’d never cheated on anyone before, always thought he was above that, but apparently he wasn’t. At least not when it came to the right person, just always at the wrong time.

He slipped his phone back into his pocket, he’d have to deal with her later, for now he’d just focus on getting Sam inside. “Come on, it’s fucking freezing out here”.

Once inside he followed Sam down the hallway, making sure he got into his room and into bed. When he started to back out he heard the sound of another door slowly opening from across the hallway. Jake turned around to see Danny peeking his head out of his bedroom, equally as surprised to see Jake in his apartment coming out of Sam’s room as Jake was to see how much of a wreck he was.

As Sam laid there he watched his door shut behind Jake, but even from the other side of the painted wood he could hear the light sound of a pair of voices. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled his blanket up tightly under his chin trying to will himself to finally go to sleep instead of listen in.

Back in the hallway, Danny’s expression begged Jake for answers.

Jake sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure it was his place to be telling Danny where Sam was, but then again he really had gotten between the two of them again hadn’t he. “I picked Sam up, he was at Savanna’s I guess drinking. I think he’s pretty sobered up now but he still needs to sleep it off”.

Danny looked like he wanted to ask more questions, he needed more answers, but he could tell by the look on Jake’s face that he didn’t have much more to offer him. Instead his shoulders just dropped, “thank you for looking out for him”.

“Of course,” Jake replied, “a little heads up might have been nice though”.

Danny bit his cheek, he knew exactly what Jake was referring to. The whole reason why Sam was acting the way he was. It was all Danny’s fault, for going over to Jake’s that day, for not being able to handle the guilt, for telling Sam this morning without asking Jake first…

“He told Savanna, who obviously told Kim”.

Danny’s brows furrowed with worry, even if keeping it from Sam had been too much for him to bear, he’d at least hoped to spare Kim and Jake the same turmoil they were going through right now. “Fuck, she’s going to hate us isn’t she?”

“Hopefully no more than Sam does. Don’t worry, I’ll talk to her. Apologize for the both of us”.

“I can talk to her too” Danny tried to offer. He didn’t want their friendship to end, and he didn’t want Jake trying to play the martyr in an attempt to help save it.

“Just, let me try with her first ok?” Jake tried to settle with him. “I want you to know we’re in this together Danny. We’re both equally to blame”.

“Yeah…” Danny sighed, the hidden meaning behind Jake’s words getting completely lost within the mess of his head. “Okay, you talk to her”.

“Alright Dan, try to get some sleep. Everything will be alright”. Jake wasn’t quite so convinced himself after today had played out the way it did, but he had to try to reassure him. Because he hated seeing either of them this way.

Four Months Later

“What about these?” Danny questioned as he eyed a pack of tiny neutral colored onesies.

“Yeah sure, you can never have too many onesies right?” Jake replied, unable to pick up any of the tiny clothes himself with both his arms full of diapers and wipes, and whatever else the baby aisle clerk had told them was new parents' essentials.

“Does she know the gender yet?” Danny wondered as he picked up two of the packages and started towards the check out.

“She hasn’t told you?” Popped out before Jake could realize how Danny might take it. They had still been working on repairing their ‘bestie’ status after everything that happened, but as far as he knew things were getting better between them. “She took a blood test but it will still be a few months before it’s official”.

Danny nodded his head in understanding, he hadn’t realized how much about this stuff he didn’t really know, but he was learning. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around Kim being pregnant”.

“It is crazy after what she went through huh?” Jake agreed, thinking back to a while ago when she was hospitalized with stomach pain only to find out that her IUD had slipped out of place and she had to immediately have it removed. Everyone was shocked, even Kim herself, to find out she was pregnant. The unforeseen health scare, both hers and the baby’s, had unexpectedly brought them close together again after months of awkward avoidals while Jake, Danny, and Sam still worked at the restaurant. That was all coming to an end soon though.

“By the way, thanks for coming with me. I’d feel a little awkward doing this by myself” Jake mentioned as they approached the self checkout.

Danny smiled as he started to take a few of the items from Jake’s hands and place them to be scanned, “Of course Jake. What are friends for”.

“Congrats man” Jake clapped his hand over Julian’s shoulder after his last successful dinner service in this kitchen. Not that he had done much tonight other than give Julian moral support.

Tonight was the official announcement of the directors retirement and the new ownership. Jake had decided to not take the offer to be kitchen manager, and although the new owner was disappointed to see him go, his stipulation was he continued to train Julian to be his replacement.

At first he was a little apprehensive if Julian was ready for that much responsibility yet, but in these last few months he had really proven himself to both Jake and the rest of the staff that now looked up to him.

“You’re going to have a lot on your plate this year, new promotion, becoming a dad” he wiggled his eyebrows and smiled.

“Fucking hell, don’t know how I’m going to do it without you” Julian smiled back, showing that he was indeed excited himself.

“You won’t” Jake assured him, “I’ll be around, as much as you guys continue to let me be”.

Julian was Kim's new boyfriend, and father of their coming baby. Of course Jake was a little nervous when he’d heard Kim was pregnant. It had been awhile since they’d broken up when she found out, so when they told her she was only a few weeks along she was sure it was Julian’s.

“I know Kim is still a little distant. She is just trying to process everything, but she will come around. I know she misses you guys”.

Though it was a little jarring to learn Kim had gotten over him by getting together with Julian, Jake had watched them together from the sidelines and he was very happy for them. “You’ve taken really good care of her”.

“And I will keep taking good care of her” Julian assured him with a confident smile, “now, get the hell out of here you’ve got a big day tomorrow”.

Julian practically pushed him out of the kitchen, telling him to hurry up so he could get back to closing.

When Jake left out the back door he found Danny and Sam waiting outside for him. “What are you guys still doing here?”

“Wanted to make sure we’ve got the plan down right”. Sam replied, pushing off the wall he’d been leaning on to follow Jake towards the cars. “You’re getting Josh in the morning right?”

“Yeah, Josh is flying in at like seven. Mom and Dad got here a few hours ago. They got an Uber to their hotel tonight, but you will have to pick them up tomorrow before you guys head over to the colosseum”.

“They know we have to be there like an hour early right?”

“Yeah but Josh and I need to swing by the shop and make sure everything is ready before we head over so we won’t have time to get them, plus you know mom is going to want to get like a hundred pictures”.

Sam chuckled and nod his head in understanding. He was slightly nervous about everything they’d have to do, but overall he was beyond excited to see his family and finally get this graduation over with.

“What about your parents?” Jake asked Danny who was leaning against the top of his car, seemingly the most relaxed about everything, though he was really just the best at staying calm.

“Flying in tomorrow morning too, but they’re going to get a rental car from there to share with Karen and Kelly later since they’re staying at the same hotel”.

“Sounds great, guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow then?”

“Yeah see you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep alright” Danny waved his goodbye then he and Sam were off.

Jake sat alone in the parking lot for a few minutes, just watching the unmoving building behind him in the rear view mirror. This place was never meant to be permanent for him, but he couldn’t help but feel bittersweet about leaving it.

When he was finally ready he put his car in drive, but continued to glance at the mirror until there was nothing more than the dark city street behind him.

At first Jake didn’t want the grand opening of his new restaurant to be the same day as Sam and Danny’s graduation, but the timing just worked the best since everyone was already coming down and Sam would be leaving just two short days after.

Four months didn’t seem like a very long time to create and execute a business plan, but his investor, the director, rushed things along because he wanted to see it open before he and his wife finally moved to Costa Rica.

Jake did manage to get about five hours of sleep before having to get up and get ready then head over to the airport to pick up his twin.

“Morning brother! Are you excited?” Josh beamed as soon as he made it from baggage claim out to the curb to see Jake already waiting for him.

“Nervous, anxious, kinda felt like I was going to throw up this morning,” Jake replied while Josh got himself settled with his things in the backseat then sliding into the passenger's seat, “but yeah excited too”.

“Good,” Josh reached over and gave Jake’s shoulder a squeeze since he couldn’t give him a proper greeting hug, “today is going to be a beautiful day; I can feel it!”

Josh was right, after running back to the apartment to drop his things off and let him freshen up from the plane ride, they stopped by the shop for a quick check in.

“This is nice!” Josh exclaimed as he walked through the large glass door into the newly refurbished dining area, stopping every few feet to closely examine a few of the tables before making his way over to the bar. Its crystal shelves were now fully stocked with brand new bottles of wines and spirits and the paneled mirrors on the walls were being cleaned and polished.

Jake left Josh to continue his exploring to check in on the kitchen, making sure prep was going along well. They had only just gotten their license and passed inspection a couple of days before so Jake was afraid they would be behind, but everything was going very well.

“Alright, we’ve got to go now, please call me if anything happens” Jake turned to Kim who had agreed to come and help out since his own front of house manager was busy graduating today.

“I will, but don’t worry we’ve got everything under control” Kim assured him for probably the fourth time since they had stopped by.

“And you please don’t over do it” Jake added, eyes flicking down to her barely visible bump.

“I’m pregnant Jake, not broken, I’ll be fine. Tell Danny I said congratulations”.

“Thank you” he put extra emphasis on his thanks, because there weren’t very many people he’d trust with overseeing something as important as his grand opening. Kim was and would always be someone special to him and he was so glad they were eventually able to make up and stay friends. “Oh, by the way there is a bag with your name on it in the kitchen. Make sure you get it before you leave”. He had put all the baby things he and Danny got for her together as an extra thanks for her help today.

“A bag? What is it?” She questioned, getting a little bashful still when Jake was extra nice to her especially because she wasn’t expecting a gift.

“Just a little something” he replied with a wink and grabbed Josh to slip out the door before she could say anything else.

Jake felt his heart thumping in his fists as he gripped the steering wheel on the way over to the colosseum, but he swallowed his nerves when they pulled up so he could be there and be mentally present for his brother’s and Danny’s equally big day.

He and Josh met their parents inside along with Danny’s, both taking turns getting hugs from everyone before taking their seats.

The ceremony started soon after, and Jake sat through each individual name called on the edge of his seat, twisting a program through his hands. Sam’s department was up first, and they all stood and clapped for him when he walked the stage, their mom recording and trying not to cry as her baby got his diploma. Danny’s was up later, and he was one of the last to walk but they all shared the same energy, standing and clapping again.

Just like that it was over, and the graduates were filling out to find their families.

“My babies!” Both Lori and Karen cried when Sam and Danny finally made their way over. Sam was already trying to shed his cap and gown but they yelled at him to put them back on and get into a picture with Danny.

“Now let’s get one with all the boys!” Karen beamed, phone not having left her hand since the ceremony started.

“What? We’re not the ones graduating!” Jake tried to protest, but Josh already had a hand around the back of his neck and was dragging him over. Jake lost his footing for a second, but before he could tumble over an arm was flying out in front of him for his torso to get caught on. “Thanks” Jake mumbled as Danny helped him straighten back up.

“Yeah” was all Danny said in return, then the same arm that caught him stretched back around his shoulders and pulled him close for the picture.

With their proximity Jake hoped Danny couldn’t feel the way his heart drummed in his tight chest. He was growing more and more anxious knowing that as soon as they were done here they were all going to head over to the restaurant.

That was wishful thinking though, because after all this time Danny knew Jake. Once both their moms got enough shots, Danny’s grip on Jake’s shoulders tightened and he leaned over to whisper to him “everything is going to be fine”.

“Yeah” Jake replied just the same and slipped out from underneath him. He was wound up enough already, he didn’t need any extra distraction.

“Alright, who’s hungry?” Jake’s dad asked everyone, shooting him a reassuring glance.

“Guess we will meet you guys over there then?” Josh spoke up, allowing Jake some extra time to spiral in silence. Their parents left together, then Sam and Danny, and Josh left with Jake again who insisted on driving to keep his mind occupied as he fidgeted with the corners of his mouth at every stop of a red light.

“They’re going to love it” Josh spoke up as they got closer.

“I know they will” Jake sighed, feeling at least a little better about not having to hide his torrent of emotions from his brother. “There’s just so many things that can go wrong with running a restaurant. We know first hand all the crap mom and dad had to put up with over the years”.

“Yeah you’re right” Josh replied, making Jake’s heart drop a little bit. Did he think I made the wrong decision?

“We do have first hand experience, you the most of all, so you already know what to expect and can be on top of your game. Plus it’s not like we aren’t here to help you. I know you’re going to want to do this all on your own, but just promise me if things do ever get out of hand that you come to us”.

Jake nod slightly, but that wasn’t enough to satisfy Josh “promise me Jake” he pushed.

“Alright, I promise. Happy now?”

Josh smiled his infectious smile making Jake do the same just as they started to pull into the already busy parking lot.

“Wow, not going to lie there’s a lot more people here than I thought there would be” Josh admit as Jake drove around to the back to park in his own designated spot.

“Yeah, Sam told a lot of people from school, guess word got around” Jake swallowed his words and slight fear before stepping out of the car and finding everyone else arriving at just the same time.

“This is lovely darling!” His mom exclaimed as she took in the exterior with the big white banner hanging above the door that read grand opening!

Of course Sam and Danny had already seen it in various states of the process, but now they stood there as well taking in the finished product with grins of their own.

“Oh! Is that the name?” His mom pointed to the large black letters above the banner. Jake had kept it a secret from everyone until now, even Sam and Danny hadn’t seen the large painted iron letters be installed once the exterior was finished being painted- black window trim to match.

The Ether

“What does it mean?” She questioned, knowing Jake must have very carefully picked it out.

“Well, it can mean whatever you want it to mean, but for me it means that this is a place that connects people. I really wanted to create an atmosphere that permeates its guests and intertwines us all for a shared transcendental experience”.

“Leave it to Jake to come up with something cryptic” Sam interjected, causing a few chuckles.

“Well I for one love it. What are we waiting for? Let’s go inside!” Josh wrapped his arms around his mom and walked with her, only taking a step back once they reached the door to allow her to be the first.

Once everyone was inside Jake took in the image of seeing his hard work over these past months paying off. His shop was filled with people from the smaller tables that lined the windows, to larger well dressed parties at the longer tables in the center. No doubt families that had also just come from the graduation here to celebrate and try some new food.

A table had been saved for his family, towards the back so they had to walk through the arrangement of occupied tables to get there. Along the way Jake’s arm was caught by someone.

“What a turn out” the director said as he stood from his seat.

“Yeah, hopefully we can keep this momentum” Jake replied, hanging behind to chat as his family went to take their seats. Everyone but his Dad.

“Well, this must be your father?” The director reached over to shake hands and introduce himself. “You raised a brilliant young man”.

“He put in all the work himself” his dad humbled him, though Jake could tell he was very proud which only made his nervousness finally start to ease up.

“He did an excellent job here. I don’t think I could have done it up better myself” the director commented, taking a second to look around once more. Noticing they were hitting it off, Jake stood back and let the two continue to talk together.

“I’m glad I got to meet you, I wanted to thank you for taking an interest in my son and giving him this opportunity”.

“The pleasure is all mine. Over these past few months I’ve gotten to know Jake. I have to say at first I didn’t quite understand his vision, but now all I can say is I’m even more impressed. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve never had a boy of my own. This place, and in turn Jake too, is the closest thing I have to a son”.

Jake nearly choked on his own saliva at the director's sudden confession. They had spent quite a bit of time together recently, mostly for business, but there was the occasional night or two that they had stayed late and drank a little bit together in the glow of the work lights. He glanced over at his Dad, waiting to hear his response.

“Well, guess we'll just have to call each other brother then!” he smiled and they both shook each other's hand again and gave a small side hug before the director sat back down.

“This a nice place you have here” Jake’s Dad continued as they moved to rejoin their group.

“Thanks” Jake replied quietly, though their shared smiles spoke more than a thousand words.

“Ready to close her up?” Danny asked as Jake did some last minute business for the night in his small office.

“Going to be a bit longer. You can go ahead and go, I’ll lock the doors” Jake replied, looking up from his pile of papers to see Danny with his arms crossed and leaning against the door frame. Danny had insisted over the past few days that they had been open to be here with Jake from before open to after close. Sure he didn’t have school anymore, but he knew it was a lot of time and work and so he was very grateful for Danny’s help.

“I don’t mind waiting for you” Danny replied, moving inside the office to take a seat in a chair across the desk.

Jake looked back down at what he was working on, filling out all the little boxes until his eyes started to blur from tiredness. “You’ve got your key right?”

“I do” Danny replied, fidgeting with the corner of the desk in front of him. What he didn’t want to say was he didn’t want the first time he used his new key to be coming home alone, so he decided to wait.

After just about twenty more minutes Jake finished what he was working on and they both went around to lock up before heading out to their cars. Jake pulled up to the apartment first, but he waited this time for Danny to pull up behind him before getting out. He wanted to make sure Danny’s key worked of course.

It did work, smooth as butter through the lock and Danny opened the door to let them both inside. “Been a long day” Jake spoke as they made their way up the stairs to the bedrooms.

This morning they dropped Sam off at the airport, saying their goodbyes for what felt like the dozenth time after seeing Josh and their families off just a couple of days before. Afterwards Jake had helped Danny gather the last of his things at his old apartment and turn in his and Sam’s keys.

At first Danny was thinking he was going to have to actually consider his Dads offer to move home and work at the office. With Sam leaving there was no way he’d be able to afford their apartment alone. He looked into getting a single somewhere, but until he was sure what he wanted to do he didn’t want to commit to another lease somewhere. That was when Jake reminded him he had an extra bedroom at his place not being used, in addition to the offer to work for him as a manager.

Now that Josh and Sam were gone it was going to be Danny’s first night staying in his new room. Though he had stayed in that bedroom a few times, having all his stuff in there now was going to be an odd feeling.

They stood at the top of the stairs, waiting for the other to make the first move to part ways into their own rooms. “You know where I’m at if you need anything” Jake added while he rubbed the back of his neck and winced slightly at the sharp pain it sent through the top of his shoulders. He’d been working a little too hard and the lack of rest was catching up to him.

“Have a knot in your neck?” Danny asked, noticing the way Jake squinted his eyes and tried to rub harder, but failing to apply enough pressure on his own. “Here let me help you”.

Jake hesitated for a moment, but ultimately pulled his hair to the side and turned around letting Danny approach him from behind.

Once he felt large hands grip his shoulders his body tensed up, but not from pain this time. It had been a while since he’d felt Danny’s hands on him, and he couldn’t deny that he’d maybe hoped that him moving in would be a catalyst for more intimacy between them again.

Then the pain struck him again, tenfold when Danny dug his thumbs into the knot and started a relentless circular motion into his twisted muscles.

“Ow! Fuck Danny that hurts!” Jake cried trying to pull away, but Danny’s grip was too strong.

“Just bear with it for a second longer” he leaned over and whispered. The combination of his hot breath on the sliver of skin above the neckline of Jake’s shirt and the friction of his fingers finally made the blood flow start to break up the knot (and flow somewhere else too). Jake’s shoulders relaxed and Danny let up a little, moving his fingers along the ridge of his shoulders and upper back to make sure he’d gotten all the tension out before leaning over once more and placing a quiet kiss over the spot he’d just roughed.

“Good night Jake” Danny whispered once more, lingering for just a moment as Jake continued to lean into his touch.

“Good night” Jake whispered back, and just like that Danny backed away and went into his room. Jake did the same, sighing to himself behind his closed door at how much of a physical response his body had gotten at such a simple gesture even when he was dead beat tired.

He wasn’t sure how long he could keep up the act, but he was determined that if anything was going to start between them he wasn’t going to be the one to make the first move this time.

For the next month business went well. Only one mix up with a supply order had the kitchen struggling for a bit and Jake had to spend a little extra to buy some things they needed immediately. Other than those few days of making due, they got their order in and worked out the kink in the schedule and since then everything was overall smooth.

“You sure you’re going to be alright while I’m gone?” Danny asked Jake as he hauled his carryon down the stairs. He was going to visit Sam in LA for the weekend and though he was excited to hang out with his best friend again, he wasn’t so thrilled about leaving Jake to do basically everything alone in the meantime.

“I’ll be fine, go have fun you need some time off anyways I’ve been overworking you”. Jake was smiling as he spoke, but deep down inside he was dreading Danny’s visit since he’d brought it up when asking for the time off.

Living and working together was a lot. Though they kept busy, Jake and Danny were around each other nearly 24/7 and yet he felt a distance between them still.

There were times when he felt the pull. Like when they would take turns showering in the morning, and Danny would wait in the hallway for Jake to finish up only to see him make the walk back to his room with just a towel wrapped around his waist. The lingering looks at night when they would come home and follow each other up the stairs. Always sharing that whisper of good night but nothing more.

Jake wasn’t quite sure why Danny didn’t ever close that gap between them, but his greatest fear now was that Danny was going to go to LA and rekindle something with Sam instead.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off?” Jake offered once more, “those parking fees suck”.

“It’s alright, I think we’re still tapped out on saying goodbye to people at airports right now”. Honestly, Danny didn’t want Jake trying to say goodbye to him. He was only going to be gone for a couple of days, no time at all compared to all the time they had spent together recently. Yet he still felt some way about being away from him.

It had been easy to adjust to living with Jake, too easy. The only hard part had been trying to control himself.

Jake was busy all the time now, even when he was at home he was working on something. Danny didn’t want to add to that stress. Jake needed him right now and he didn’t want to complicate anything by getting mixed up together again.

Sometimes though he couldn’t help it, seeing Jake all the time at home in his rawest form stirred up things inside him. He wanted that thrill of being with him again. Wanted to feel that surge of energy electrify his nerve endings with every needy touch. He could wait though, until things died down at the restaurant and Jake could ease up from work. At least that’s what he’d been telling himself.

It was a whirlwind of an experience since the moment Sam met Danny at the airport. They took an Uber back to his shared apartment with the other interns to let Danny unpack his things before heading straight over to the studio for a tour.

Sam used his employee badge to swipe them in and showed Danny all his favorite spots and explained in animated detail everything he’d been working on. After over an hour the tour was over and Sam was guiding them along down the street towards his new friends day drinking spot- a bustling little cafe playing bluesy rock over its speakers.

“So how have things been going at the restaurant?” Sam questioned Danny after getting seated at a small table out on the patio a little bit away from the loud inside. He’d talked enough about himself today and now he was ready to hear more about Danny’s experiences since he left.

“Really well, there have been a few speed bumps, but we’ve kept everything in control. Keep the guests coming” Danny replied as he looked over the menu for something light to eat since he was starving but knew Sam had other plans for dinner later in the evening.

Sam sat back in his chair as he continued to speak, obviously already prepared to order without even having to check. “That’s good, haven’t been able to get a hold of Jake much. We keep playing phone tag”.

“Guess we’re all just a little busy these days” Danny shrugged, finding what he wanted and checking to see if the waitress was about to round back on them.

She caught Danny’s eye and made her way over, Sam ordering a tall draft beer and a glass of water and Danny getting the same with an appetizer. “Well, how has he been?”

“Hmm?” Danny didn’t follow Sam since he was still trying to take in the view of LA in the background.

“Jake, how’s he doing?” Sam repeated with a smirk.

“Oh, he’s good too”.

“Just good?” Sam tried to pry on after Danny’s simple response.

“What exactly are you trying to get at?” He knew Sam was interested in his brother's well being, but he could also tell he had some other hidden meaning.

After a slight scoff and a shift of position in his chair, Sam leaned onto his elbow on the table, letting his usually loud buoyant voice dissipate into a hush. “I’m just wondering if you guys have like…” he was avoiding eye contact, trying to find the right words “gotten together yet?”

Danny’s reply was thankfully stalled by the return of their waitress with their orders. If it wasn’t so damn hot outside in LA then he was sure he would be flushed as his thoughts raced to piece together what to say. “Like I said earlier” he began after they took a few drinks to cool off, “we’ve been really busy”.

“What an excuse, I mean come on you guys live together now”.

Danny wasn’t sure why Sam was suddenly so entertained by the idea of him and Jake being together. Maybe the LA air had been getting to him. “It’s hard to say. Yes we work together and we live together, but at work he’s my boss and at home I think he just wants some alone time to relax and decompress”.

“Have you guys at least talked about it?” Sam started to sound more serious, like before he thought he could joke and pick fun at his friend but now he was slightly concerned.

“What are we supposed to have talked about?” He asked as he plucked a piece of food off the plate between them.

Sam sighed, he couldn’t believe they were really both being so dense. “You know I asked you this question once but I don’t think you gave me an honest answer”.

Danny stopped his munching, curious about what question Sam was referring to.

When Sam was sure he had his undivided attention he tried again, “Do you love him?”

Danny’s blood ran cold as he remembered the look on Jake’s face that evening when Sam had walked in on them and he asked him the same thing. Of course at the time the shock took over and Danny had said no, but had that been the honest truth?

“You can tell me. I know things got weird there between us after we broke up. I was upset and I needed space, but I’m glad I stuck it out. I can’t stay mad at you. Jake maybe” he cut his tone with another quip letting Danny know he wasn’t serious about being mad at Jake either. “You're my best friend Daniel and Jake’s my brother. I want to see you both happy”.

“Thanks Sam, but I don’t think it’s that simple”.

“Why not?” Sam shrugged, taking a little off the plate to eat himself.

“Jake is a hard person to read. Sometimes I think he’s sending me signals, but I just don’t know. I don’t want to fuck things up again”.

It hit Sam that Danny probably blamed himself for everything that went wrong in their relationship, and he couldn’t have that. “First of all, you didn’t fuck things up so don’t keep beating yourself up. Second of all, do you think Jake would have really started something with his brother's best friend if he wasn’t in love with you?”

Danny blinked a few times, trying to take in what Sam had said. Did he think Jake was in love with me the whole time? No wonder he was always jealous… “You think Jake is in love with me?”

“Daniel, don’t be an idiot. There’s no telling how long he’s been keeping that a secret, but he’s not as sly as he thinks he is. I’ve had a suspicion since last Halloween”.

“Really?” That was before he and Sam had even gotten together and yet he’d still agreed to try dating. It’s no wonder things didn’t work out the way Danny initially thought they would.

“I know it’s not really my place to be saying this after I fought you both on it, but I want you to know that you guys have my blessing”.

“Well, when you put it that way” Danny teased, breaking the heavy air that had settled around them with this deep conversation.

Sam had placed a seed in Danny’s mind though. If Jake really did love him then why hadn’t he said anything? It had been months since Sam and him had broken up. They had all made amends with each other better than he thought they would. Yet they were everything but together now.

Danny tried not to think too much about what Sam had said during the rest of his visit. The days were filled with fun activities Sam had planned, so it kept the both of them entertained and having fun goofing off with each other like they used to. At night though, as Danny tried to fall asleep on an uncomfortable futon, he thought about what he wanted to say to Jake when he saw him again.

“Time to get back to work I guess” Sam sighed as he watched Danny finish packing up. They wanted to spend as much time together as they could during the short time Danny had to visit, so he waited until the day Sam had to go back to work to fly home. Meaning he’d have to catch an Uber by himself to the airport.

“I had a really good time. I’m glad you’re liking it here” Danny replied, checking his phone to make sure he was giving himself enough time for LA traffic.

“I am, it’s been fun, but I do have to admit that I miss Nashville already. I can see why you wanted to stay”.

“You can always come back” Danny only half joked.

“Why, so Jake can put me to work at his restaurant too?” Sam teased back, “no thanks”.

Danny cleared his throat. He had thought a lot last night especially, and he wanted Sam to know the answer to his question before he left. “I do love him. It’s like a splinter I didn’t know I had but everyday that it’s there it digs its way deeper inside”.

Sam chuckled as he reached around to give Danny one last warm hug. “I know, just make sure he knows that too okay?”

“I will. Thank you” Danny hugged him back, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. Not because he was still in love with Sam, but because it was Sam. Sam who would always be a big part of his life, his first love, his best friend, and his ultimate confidant.

When Danny got home Jake was at the restaurant which he had expected. He unpacked his bags in the quiet apartment, tossing his dirty clothes into the washer and putting all his toiletries back where they belonged. By the early evening it was still going to be a while before Jake came home, so he decided to lay down on the couch to relax a bit.

With a random show on the TV Danny leaned back against the pillows and before he could stop himself he was falling asleep.

“Danny, wake up” the image of Jake leaning down in front of him came into blurry view while he gently shook him awake. “Go to bed if you're tired”.

“I was waiting for you” Danny replied as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He must have been out for a couple of hours by the way his body felt stiff from laying scrunched up in one position for so long.

“Well that’s very sweet, but I’m here now so let's get you upstairs”. He tugged on one of Danny’s arms, trying to get him to his feet.

“Hold on, I’ve got to tell you something” Danny tugged back on his arm and stayed seated on the couch.

“Can it wait until the morning?” Jake sighed. It had been a long few days, and he wasn’t sure he had the capacity to hear whatever it was Danny had to tell him right now. If Danny was going to tell him he wanted to go back to Sam then he at least wanted to have the energy to put up a fight about it.

“I mean…” Danny was still trying to wake up as he spoke, “I guess it could, but I don’t want it to. I’m tired of waiting”. He tugged on Jake’s hand again, trying to silently ask him to sit down too.

Jake obliged, flopping down next to Danny and feeling that his body was a lot more tired than he thought it was. “Alright what is it?” Whatever it was, if it couldn’t wait until morning then it must be very important to him, so Jake turned his body towards him to give his full attention.

Danny decided to come right out with it, there was no sense beating around the bush at this hour. “I’m in love with you”.

Goddamnit- wait… Jake’s brain was short circuiting. He’d expected the ‘I’m in love with’ part, but not the you. “What did you just say?”

Danny reached over and cupped Jake’s face in his hands, trying to move slowly and be as gentle as possible when he really just wanted to pounce on him right there and shower him with affection. “I love you Jake”.

“Danny I-” Jake’s voice got caught in his throat. He wasn’t sure what happened in LA, but he figured he and Sam must have talked about this and that Sam had helped him to come to this conclusion. He reached over and mirrored Danny’s hands with his, feeling just the slightest bit of five o’clock shadow against his palms. “Say it again”.

Danny smiled, and leaned in to press a kiss to Jake’s plush lips. “I love you” he repeated against those lips feeling them also turn up into a tight grin.

“You love me too right?” Danny pulled away just a bit to ask, like Jake’s response hadn’t been enough to confirm.

“I fucking love you so much Danny, you don’t even understand” Jake smiled even wider, pushing past Danny’s grip on his face to crawl into his lap and connect their lips again.

“So does this mean we’re together then? Like officially?” Danny questioned again, just trying to make sure they were on the same page and were ready to take this path together.

“It fucking better” Jake replied, standing up and offering his hand to Danny again. “Now, can we please go to bed?”

Danny took his hand and they made it up the stairs before Jake turned around and attacked him with more kisses. And for the first night since Danny moved in, he wrapped his arms around Jake’s thighs and hoisted him onto his hips, carrying them both into the bedroom.

~Fin

@alwaysonthemend @psychedelicstardust-gvf @twistedmelodies @heckingfrick

And shout out to @gracev0609 for helping me come up with the name of the restaurant 😊

[daddy-calkestis]

Lost In Space: A Star Wars Story

Summary: You’ve been hiding out on Bracca for years in the remnants of your old ship that crashed down on the planet. You have little to no memory of the life you had before you came to this glorified junkyard and little to no way of escaping. So you’ve made a sort of life for yourself. You get what you can from a few kind engineers who work in the shipyards, sell what you can to the scrapers who live further away and just keep your head down. That is, until the war came knocking at your *makeshift* doorstep. Now you must fight, both the Separatists and with your own memories of what happened to you before the crash with a little help from some Jedi. endgame: reader x ?

Read on AO3 for tag list

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43756357/chapters/110038711#workskin

                                                    Chapter One:

It was raining on Bracca.

Shocking.

Every single fucking day on this planet, it rained. You had no idea it could rain this much anywhere, even on plants covered in greenery and teeming with wildlife. The rain was barely needed here considering this planet is basically a junkyard. There were no trees, no plants, nothing. It was a miserable place to live, let alone be stranded. Why anyone would actively chose to come here was beyond your comprehension. Everyday you were a little closer to getting off this maker forsaken plant, you just needed a couple hundred more credits and you were gone.

Everyday it was the same thing, ever since you woke up here three years ago. You jolt awake to the sound of alarms going off in the distance, indicating it was a shift change for those engineers who worked the night shifts in the shipyards. So you would roll off of your bunk and make a quick cup of instant caf, also known as the one thing you “splurged” on here. It wasn’t really a splurge but with the rain, it left everything feeling raw and cold so it helped to not only wake you up, but warm you up too. It was the one luxury you allowed yourself.

After donning your ever loved navy blue poncho that you "borrowed" from some clueless engineer on your first day here, you would set off on your day which either consisted of scouring the scrap around your humble abode for valuable parts or heading over to the shipyard to snag what you could from a few of the engineers who pitied you. They were kind and always looked the other way when you picked through their scrap piles. They would also supply you with some of the ration bars they had stowed away too. Then you would haul your findings to the outpost of scrapers and sell what you could.  You’d snag whatever food was cheap before making your way back to the wreckage of the ship that you woke up on three years ago then do it all over again the next day.

Today was the same as every other day before it. You woke up to alarms in the distance and groaned. You rubbed the palms of your hands into your eyes, rubbing until you saw sparks of white light dancing behind your eyelids before sitting up and putting your boots on. You took your poncho down from the hook next to your bunk and threw it on to chase off the morning chill.  

You quickly undid your hair, running your fingers through it to detangle some of the knots before trying it back into another braid and shoved yourself up. You quickly padded over to the small hotplate you scrounged up from some of the wreckage of your ship and filled the small kettle with the rain water you collected before leaving it to boil. You trudged over to the small opening you had covered with a wool blanket to keep out the wind and pulled it back. Immediately you noticed something was off.

Normally you could always hear the sound of the machinery blasting away first thing in the morning from the shipyards but it was quiet this morning. Eerily quiet. Goosebumps licked the skin along your forearms under the long sleeve shirt you wore as you sat in silence, waiting. Dread curled in your gut in anticipation for something to happen, but you had no idea what. The kettle started to sing behind you, but you didn’t move from your spot. Your senses told you something bad was about to happen and you've learned to trust your gut over everything at this point in your life, especially living on a planet with some less than decent men.

You stood there for moments, just watching. It was like time had stilled around you as you tune your senses into the environment around you.  Even the random stray critters were silent this morning. The kettle was rapidly boiling at this point so you move to quickly shuffle to turn it off and make your instant caf before returning to your spot. That’s when you hear it, the first explosion in the distance. Quickly, you grab your energy bow (that you definitely didn’t steal that off a destroyed ship full of dead Zygerrians, nope, not you) and head back to look outside. The sight before you was filled with sheer horror.

Looming in the sky high above the shipyard was a massive Separatist Dreadnaught. “Shit.” You whisper to yourself as you watch the scene unfold before your eyes. Drones of droid dive bombers fly with quick speed away from the dreadnaught, dropping their payload of what you could only imagine were tons of explosives into the shipyard as they fly overhead before zooming across the sky towards you. You quickly duck behind the durasteel wall to hide from sight as the explosives detonate in the distance. You barely hear the dive bombers overhead over the roar of the explosion, the shock wave vibrating the cold metal floor under your feet. You quickly peak out your small opening to see the carnage of the shipyard. It was engulfed in flames that rose high into the sky, the smell of explosives drenching the air.

“Double shit!” You whisper as you quickly search your small living area. You quickly grab whatever weaponry you had laying around including a small blaster and a vibroblade. It wasn’t much, but it would have to do for now. You hear explosions going off once more, this time much closer to you. You manage to quickly grab your pouch of credits and wrap the string tightly around your neck before another explosion goes off a little too close to you. The hull of your ship vibrates rapidly and you grab onto the shelf to keep yourself steady.

You quickly pull up your hood and push away from the wall. You sling your energy bow over your shoulders, strap your knife and blaster to your belt and quickly make your way outside. You run fast and hard away from your crashed ship, keeping to the shadows cast by the piles upon piles of scrap before another explosion goes off behind you. You quickly turn to see that your ship is now engulfed in flames. You feel your eye twitch as your anger rises in your chest before quickly shoving yourself back into the scraps as more droid bombers fly overhead.

“Oh you fuckers are going to pay for that.” You grumble to yourself as you push forward. You ran as hard as you could, leaping over mounds of metal scrap and ducking between the piles as you move further from the carnage. You wanted to be nowhere near the shipyard, hell no. The further away you were from the Separatist's target, the safer you were going to be. That is until you started to hear the screams. You stop to listen. Not only did you hear screams, you heard the distinct sound of blaster fire. Then your gut was pulling you.

“No, not happening.” You spoke to yourself. Your gut pulled you again, screaming at you to go help those people.

“This isn’t my problem. This isn’t my war.” It pulled again, this time harder. You could almost hear the voice in the back of your head.

“Those people need help! They helped you! They were kind to you! You need to help them. They will die without your help.”

You groan to yourself, tilting your head back dramatically. Maker, help me. Before you even register what you’re doing, you take off towards the shipyard. You dodge and weave your way around the fires that now litter the landscape, seemingly unphased by the steady rainfall that pounded against your chest. Your legs are screaming at you by the time you make it to the outskirts of the Republic grounds.

You slow your pace, sucking in lungfuls of air as you creep closer to the sounds of blaster fire. You quickly wiggle your way under the opening in the fencing, jogging over to the small security building that sits near-by. You firmly press your back against the cement wall and listen inside.

“Wow, that was easier than I thought!” A whiny metallic sounding voice comes through, muffled by the stone.

“Of course it was easy!” Another, similar voice pipes up. “We bombed them before anyone could fight back!” You hear a metallic smack.

“What was that for?”

“Being simple!” You move along the wall, looking carefully around you before peering around the corner of the door. Inside the small hut were two B1 battle droids.

Ugh, these things are so fucking stupid.

You groan as you pull down your bow, firing a bolt across the yard and into a pile of random scrap, a.k.a your pile that they left for you.

“What was that?!” You wait as the two droids run outside, blasters aimed at your pile. You shake your head at their own stupidity.

“I could have sworn-” you fire a bolt at the first droid's chest, its shell falling to the ground with a thud.

“What the?” The remaining droid turned towards you. “Who are yo-” you shot a second bolt, knocking the now dead droid down. You move quickly, pulling their bodies inside the security building before looking around to make sure no one saw what you had done. You didn’t hear another droid but the blaster fire continued on. You quickly look at the security cameras to find the source. You scan the monitors quickly before your eyes grow wide at the screen in front of you. You watch as a handful of droids rain blaster fire down inside one of the hangers that isn't too far from this building. People are trying to flee, but get cut down the moment they leave their cover. You see a handful of men hiding behind a massive gunship, cowering in fear. You recognize some of their faces too. You had maybe minutes if they were lucky to get to them.

You bolt out of the security quarters, making your way across the shipyard to the hanger you saw marked on the monitors. You stop outside the massive doors, before peeking inside to see no droids were in the doorway. The few droids were further inside, closer to the center of the bay so you quickly slip inside, sticking to the shadows of the room. You see handfuls of bodies thrown across the room as you move inside, all unmoving and bloody. You take a deep breath, choking down the bile that threatened to escape as you come up behind the line of droids. You quickly look around for cover before looking up. Above you there are gunships hanging from cables between the catwalks that run the length of the hanger. You quickly find a ladder and scramble your way up, the noise you make hidden under layers of blaster fire.

You swing over the catwalk, keeping your feet light as you make your way to the gunship that hung over the small crew of men hiding.

“I think someones in the rafters!” A droid speaks, firing a blaster just as you swing into the ship. You press your body against one of the walls and look over the ledge. From this angle, you could easily fire off your shots and take them down. The cover was good and you banked on the stupidity of these droids would cause you to have a slight tactical advantage.  

“I don’t see anyone!” You hear as you quickly draw your bow and look below. Six droids, six shots. You take a deep breath. Here goes nothing. You let the bolt fly before quickly pulling back once more, aiming for your second droid. You move quickly out of sight before, hiding before they even knew what hit them. You take your aim out the other side of the ship, quickly hitting another droid.

“Hey! Where did that come from?” One droid calls out. "I told you someone was up there! Blast 'em!" Another calls! The remaining three aiming their blasters for the ship and firing. One of their shots hits the support rope for the ship, lurching it precariously to one side. Lucky shot. You know what’s coming, so you take a breath and take a running jump out of the ship before it falls, taking aim at another droid mid air and letting the bolt fly right into it’s chest. You hear more shouting as you tuck and roll, landing at the feet of the fifth droid before letting another bolt fly. This time the droid's head flew off, landing across the room somewhere. You scramble to your feet, dodging the shots of the last remaining droid with ease before ramming into it at full force.

“What the-'' you grab its neck, swing your leg up and over its shoulders before taking out your vibroblade and embedding it into its head. You jumped off, landing on your feet before the shell even hit the ground.

“Maker, I fucking hate these things.” You speak to no one in particular. You still don’t know why, you never had a run in with these things before now. Or did you? Something seems a little familiar. Maybe I've just seen enough of them dead in the scraps.

“Kid?” You hear someone call your nickname from somewhere behind you, quickly ending your thoughts. You turn to see Davis sticking his head out from behind the torn apart gunship they used as cover.

“Are you guys okay?” You throw your blade back into its place at your hip before shouldering your bow once more and jogging over to them, crouching behind the durasteel. There were twelve men hiding here but you only recognized Davis, Walker and Jensen who worked in this hangar.

“You gotta get out of here, Kid.” Jensen whispered to you. His normal gray mustache was now black from the soot, his normal cheerful smile gone. “It’s not safe!”

“No shit it’s not safe, the Seppies are here!” Another man you don’t recognize shouts. "We need to get the fuck out of here!"

“Keep your voices down.” You whisper back. You hear a patrol of droids approaching, their mechanical footsteps giving them away. You peer out, watching as a whole squadron walks by the massive doors, a few rows peeling off into the hanger. There were at least 20 droids heading your way. You clench your jaw and grind your teeth in annoyance. Of course my gut told me to run to my certain death,  naturally! That bitch. Whatever, might as well take as many as I can out with me. No way I'm making it out of here unscathed.

“Shit, we’re all going to die!” Another man practically sobs. You hush them, waiting. The mechanical footsteps come to a stop just inside the building.

“You heard the commander, clear the hanger!” You watch the droid at the front wave their squadron forward and into the hanger opening.

“Can any of you fire a blaster?” You whisper to your group. Eleven of the men shake their heads in unison before Walker nods.

“I can.” He whispers back. You quickly pull yours from its holster and hand it to him. You peak back behind the ship to see the droids have made their way closer to the center. You look up to see another half assembled gun ship hanging right above the group.

“Okay listen to me. I’m going to draw them to me and away from you. You need to shoot the cables holding that gun ship up.” You gesture to the one. “The blaster should be enough to break the cables holding it up. The second the droids are down, you all run like hell to the hole in the fence. You think you can do that?”

“What about you?” Jensen asks, concern whirling in his deep brown eyes. He was the oldest of the group, probably in his early fifties. He always gave you food and any spare clothing he could find. He was a sweet and caring man. He was probably the one person you actually liked here.

“Don’t worry about me. You guys need to get out of here.”

“Are we really going to take orders from some trash?” One of the other men of the group speaks up, his face contorted with anger.

“If you want to die here, then be my fucking guest and stay. But this trash is trying to help, as well as took out the droids who were trying to kill you so I suggest you shut your fucking mouth and do as I say.” You growl. You look back at Jensen, nodding to him. “I’ll find you once this is over. Use the scrap piles to stay hidden.” He nods in acceptance but as you turn, Davis grabs your arm. You turn to look at him to see a soft smile on his round face.

“Thanks kid. Knew you weren’t so bad.” He smiles softly before letting you go. You smile back before slipping into the shadows once more.

The droids were turning over random crates in the room, looking for survivors when you strike. You find a place with some decent cover so you take aim. Shot after shot you fire from your energy bow, taking down as many as you can before ducking behind metal shipping containers.

“We’ve got a live one. Blast it!” Loads of blaster fire come flying past your hiding spot, embedding into the wall. You turn, firing more bolts into the small group before you hear the distinguished creaking of the gunship above.

“There’s more of ‘em!” You hear another droid call out. They spotted the small group and start firing at both you and them. You look over, watching as Walker attempts to shoot the remaining cable. He’s quickly getting flustered, his aim all over the place so you push back from your crouched position and start firing into the droids once more.

“Come and get me you fucking chipbrains!” You scream at the droids, drawing all their attention to you.

“It’s a girl!”

“What did she call us?”

“...I’m more than a chip!”

You fired bolt after bolt. Come on, Walker. You got this. You’ve probably taken down 15 of the droids,but they just kept coming like more were waiting outside. Sweat starts to pool between your brows as you try to keep the droids distracted. You hear more footsteps approaching the hanger and you hope it’s not more droids. You don’t know how much longer you could hold out here!

Finally Walker nails the last cable and with a groan the gunship comes crashing down, smashing all the remaining droids to pieces. You let out a deep breath and run back towards the hanger doors only to see rows and rows of B1 droids. They slowly turn, looking right at you.

“FUCK!” you scream as you signal the men to stay put. You turn to hide once more as the blaster fire comes in a steady stream past you but only to hear more ships approaching. You peek out to see 6 gunships with the Republic logo on the side land close by, letting off troopers. Immediately you feel a sense of relief crash over you.

“Clones!”

“Get ‘em!”

All the droids have turned away from you and have started marching towards the Republic troops. Now that they are distracted, you could get these men out of here. You wave them over to you with Jensen leading the way. “Go while they are distracted!” You point towards the hole in the fence you always used. "Get out of here! I'll find you when I can!" Walker tries to give you your weapon back but you shake your head. “Later. Go.” You give them cover as the men file out one by one, making a B line for the fencing. A droid turns when it hears the running but you quickly fire and take it down. Of course that draws the attention of it’s fellow B1 droids. You ready your bow, taking aim but before you could let your bolt off a very large Lasat drops in front of you and ignites a lightsaber.

“JEDI!”

The droids start firing at the tall Lasat, but he easily blocks their shots with the blue double bladed saber, twirling it effortlessly before reflecting the blaster fire to the droids. You turn to run, knowing the best thing to do in order to protect yourself is put some distance between you and this place but before you turn the Lasat turns and peers down at you with a raised eyebrow. You don’t know why or how, but something in you stops your movements. You blink up at him, frozen in place. He gestures to the rows of droids in front of him and you instantly know what he wants. You groan inwardly, knowing deep down it would be a dick move to leave this guy here to fight an entire fleet of droids. "Damn it" you groan before sighing and turn back towards the battle in front of you, drawing your bow. You fire at the droids, their fire solely concentrated on the Jedi and not at all concentrated on you. Before you know it, a gunship turns and flies towards you, dropping explosives on the rows of droids. The Lasat grabs you, pulling you into his chest and turns, shielding you from the blast. For some reason, right here, your body relaxes like it knows you don't have to be fearful of this being.

You don’t even have time to dissect that thought before he grabs your shoulders and pushes you away from his chest to look at you. You hear a gunship land behind you but you stay frozen in his stare. He looks you up at down, for what you have no clue but when his green eyes land back on yours, you see his gaze soften slightly.

Slightly.

“Get on the ship.” His deep voice rings in your ears. You blink a few times in confusion.

“Wait, what?”

"I will not ask again." He lowers his voice sightly. You furrow your eyebrows up at him, you lips dipping in a frown.

"I didn't  hear you ask at all! I'm not getting on your damn ship!" You wave your hand towards the ship. "Look, I appreciate the rescue, but no thanks." You turn to leave but he holds you still.

"Get. On. The. Ship.” His voice is much more stern.

“Fuck no, dude! I’m not getting on the ship!” You shout back. Who does this guy think he is?! You turn to run, only to find yourself being held in place by some unseen force.

“Stop being difficult _____, get on the ship. I'm not in the mood for these games.” Wait, what did he just call me? Does he know me? Is that my name? I don't even remember my name. How does't a Jedi know who I am. Did the force tell him? Is that how that works? Panic bites at the back of your throat as the bonds keep you in place.

“WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?! LET ME GO!” You struggle against your invisible bonds. “I NEED TO FIND THOSE MEN, THEY HAVE MY BLASTER AND I WORKED REALLY HARD TO GET IT!” Your chest is rapidly rising and falling. Your heart pounding hard in your chest as you continue to struggle to get free. "LET ME GO! PLEASE! LET ME GO!"

"You are safe now." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! The large Lasat raises his wrist to his face as you continue to struggle, ignoring your request entirely as panic threatens to engulf you. “Commander Heat, do you copy?” He speaks into what appears to be a comm link.

“Yes, General. We pushed the Separatists back from the shipyard and are holding the lines. Scanners indicate more ships are on the horizon so aerial support is on it's way.” A deep voice with a slight accent comes through the com. It rings a bell, sounding almost familiar?

“Excellent. Please send a message to the temple. Take Cal and meet me back aboard the Albedo Brave.”

“Regarding what, sir? ”

He eyes you up and down, smiling softly at you as your heart rate hits an all time high. You barely hear him over the pounding in your ears. “Master Plo Koon’s lost padawan.”

[suchine-toki]

hello! I read your Tae meta from last year and just wanted to say it was great and really gets to the bottom of the problems with how Sorachi handled Otae. My (unasked for ;)) two cents is that I think he was going for GinTae endgame but then changed his mind somewhere before Lesson 238 which I read as his way of giving a 'this is how it would happen but I'm not going to do it' resolution for GinTae. And it's fine to drop the romance but knowing he's not going to make any couples endgame and 1/2

Hi! First of all, thanks for reading and taking your time to send this to me, I really like hearing other people's thoughts! I hope you don't mind that I combined both asks, given that they've points in common and I already had a draft of the one I received a while ago 🙈 This made me realize that I hadn't thought about it too much before… Even if I've talked about this topic with other people before, usually, the conversation ends with us agreeing and moving on to other topics lol so I think this is the first time I'm analyzing it. I'll try to do it from both the characters' perspective and Sorachi's intentions as the story's author. Before continuing, I want to clarify that my intention isn't to convince anyone to stop liking it, I just wanted to explore this topic and wow, did I explore it, because it ended up being much longer than expected 😂

That said, I think one of the biggest reasons why many of us thought Tae was going to be Gintoki's main love interest is because of the setup. Tae is the first woman from the main cast to appear in the series, and her dilemma kickstarts the story and allows for the formation of the Yorozuya as we know it. Moreover, she's Shinpachi's older sister and also develops a strong bond with Kagura, so it was expected that she would also develop a strong romantic bond with Gintoki, connecting her to the main trio of Gintama.

However, as I mentioned in the previous post, things started to change with the introduction of Kyuubei, which solidified the Kondo-Tae-Kyuubei love triangle, and then with the introduction of Tsukuyo. I watched a video by Abbie Emmons titled "7 Deadly Romance MISTAKES Writers Make ❌ avoid these chemistry killers!" to help identify some points in the relationship between Gintoki and Tae, although I must mention that I don't think these were mistakes on Sorachi's part, quite the opposite, they were very conscious decisions. I won't go point by point; instead, I'll summarize the intent of the message.

Half of the video is about the development of intimacy between two characters. I think most of us can appreciate that at least until the Benizakura arc, it was clear that Sorachi still had in mind to develop the relationship between Gintoki and Tae romantically because they'd a scene where they were alone, had time to talk, and showed that they cared a lot for each other. However, as the series progresses, we stop seeing these kinds of scenes between them, as well as scenes where they're seen thinking about each other or having physical contact.

And although at the beginning of the series Tae participated more actively in the Yorozuya dynamics, after the introduction of Kyuubei, they're seen spending most of their time together, even when they're with the others. Tae remains an honorary member of the Yorozuya until the end, but it's clear that Sorachi wanted her to represent stability, emotional support, the place they can return to that will welcome them with a smile. So, even though Gintoki and Tae still care a lot for each other, their interactions will continue to be framed within the context of the Yorozuya for the rest of the series.

That said, I couldn't say exactly when Sorachi stopped considering a romantic relationship between them. I'd to look up chapter 238 because I didn't remember what it was about lol (for reference, it's the one where they're at a stall and there're only speech bubbles, in which other characters who look like Gintoki and Tae confess they're in love), and I think your interpretation is certainly interesting. The placement also makes sense, which is shortly after the arc introducing Tsukuyo, and it also follows the trend of other characters being the ones who tease them, and not themselves.

The other half of the video is about how the characters' relationships with the rest of the cast are shown. It's highlighted that there needs to be an emotional reaction from a character to the idea of the other being interested in someone else, something Sorachi showed in many different ways but not with Gintoki and Tae. In her case, at most, she was shown getting annoyed at Sacchan, but only when she was provoked first. When it came to Tsukuyo, there was no reaction. Similarly, Gintoki has no reaction when Kyuubei or Kondo demonstrate their love interest.

The last point of the video, but not less important, is when characters have more romantic chemistry with other characters. In Tsukuyo's case, I think Sorachi was already a more experienced writer who knew his characters better and knew what his story needed. In particular, I think he wanted Gintoki to have someone close with whom he could relate but who wasn't directly connected to his past, among other things. And as I mentioned before, most of Tae's emotional energy in the series is with Kyuubei, followed by Kondo.

But why Sorachi didn't continue developing Gintoki and Tae's relationship romantically? The most obvious reason is simply because he didn't want to lol, but the explanation behind this, I think, is due to two main reasons. The first is that he wanted to keep the relationships within the Yorozuya platonic, and since Tae is an honorary member of the Yorozuya, it felt wrong to establish that there were romantic feelings involved. By comparison, it would be like confirming a relationship between Kagura and Shinpachi. And yes, Sorachi did some ship-teasing more than once between them too, but at the end of the day, he chose not to pursue it, and I think maintaining the familiarity is a cause.

The other reason is that as he wrote the story, he realized that Gintoki and Tae didn't fit well together. Tae can give Gintoki a sense of stability, but what can he offer her? Tae clearly values stability as well, hard work, having money. But Gintoki, due to his circumstances, doesn't meet those standards. If you think about it, the only two occasions when Tae unequivocally showed interest in Gintoki were when he lost his memory (Memory Loss arc) and when Hijikata was in his body (Soul Switch arc). Two occasions where Gintoki wasn't himself. But she liked that he seemed more serious and diligent, which implies that Tae's type is different.

It's also worth mentioning that Gintoki isn't shown making the same gestures towards Tae that Kondo or Kyuubei, the other two characters who are canonically in love with her (which is why I think they're a good benchmark) do. For example, while Sorachi chooses to show Gintoki teasing Tae about her breast size, in contrast, he shows Kondo buying her a kimono that will look good on her regardless, you know, like a supportive partner would. Even with all this, I understand that het shippers might've felt uncomfortable with the idea of pairing Tae with Kondo, and the other viable option was Gintoki. I think Sorachi was also aware of this, which is why he decided to develop Kondo and Tae's relationship in the final arcs.

While we're at it, I prefer kyuutae by faaar. As I've also expressed before, although I think Kondo is a great character, his persistence doesn't sit well with me. But whether it was due to heteronormativity or because Sorachi identified with him as a fellow gorilla, it's clear to me that he decided to emphasize Kondo and Tae's relationship much more. Even when gintsu and kyuutae were stagnating, he continued developing kontae as much as he could (probably because he'd already done the heavy lifting with the other two ships, tbf).

Sorachi didn't plan many things in his story, which I think is both a strength and a weakness. One of the things that reflect this is, for example, that Hasegawa was originally going to be part of the Yorozuya, an idea he later abandoned, but the remnant of Hasegawa's presence in the series remained. In the same way, I think his initial idea was to pair Gintoki with Tae, but eventually, he didn't. It seems that he also had the idea at the beginning to end the series with certain couples, but later decided to leave an open ending in that sense, although some of his inclinations were clearer than others.

I've seen people say there're subtle hints throughout Gintama that they fell in love, and while I don't want to say those interpretations are wrong, I think Sorachi is quite straightforward when it comes to these kinds of things. Even with unrequited loves, like in the case of Katsura and Ikumatsu, he showed that there was love. However, in the case of Gintoki and Tae, during the 15 years he wrote the manga, he didn't, probably because he felt it no longer fit the story after a certain point. That said, I think their relationship works just fine without the need for any labels.

Thank you again for stopping by, if you've another point that you would like to discuss feel free to message me or send another ask 🤗

[theweeklydiscourse]

For even more context, ACOTAR, ACOTAR 2, and half of ACOTAR 3 were all written consecutively in 2014. That series was very different than the actual published series as SJM said Rhys was initially a villain and there would’ve been a love triangle between Tamlin, Feyre, and Rhys (which many readers speculate would’ve ended with Feylin endgame regardless of whether Feyre and Rhys were mates in that original). Later before publishing, she went back to tweak ACOTAR. This is where many of us speculate she rewrote the second half (starting with Calanmai, onward) since it’s so vastly different from the first half and also added in the whole painted dresser thing but forgot to change… well everything else. To further this speculation, in SJM’s own words, she said she had to add Rhys in earlier. (She never specified if earlier meant earlier in the first book or earlier as in adding him into the first book where in the original he would’ve appeared in the second, maybe even third book, but many of us assume it’s the latter since you can take him out of his scenes in ACOTAR and they would work just fine with other characters in his place.) She scrapped ACOTAR 2 and that half ACOTAR 3 to write ACOMAF and ACOWAR.

(Disclaimer: SJM does like to always say she had always planned on Feyre and Rhys, probably because it sounds cooler and more soulmatey, but not only does canon (aka book 1) completely contradict that, many of her earlier interviews (that have suspiciously become difficult to find) tell a very different story about her writing. Like the fact that she’s mentioned many times that she doesn’t outline and she “lets her characters taker her where they feel like it” but that she has vague beginnings and endings and musical outlines. Or that she’s mentioned while writing the published version of her first series, while writing what was supposed to be the third and final book in the series she changed her mind about the endgame and having to change the ending of the series, multiple times, in order to make that endgame possible as it didn’t work with what she originally set up, thereby extending the series. She also mentioned that in that very same book two characters just walked into her head while writing it, meaning she didn’t plan on having them, so there was no way to foreshadow them in the previous two books as fans like to claim. So…)

Oh god it makes my head hurt.

It is so disorganized and vague that it makes it impossible to judge the characters without considering Maas’s clumsy handling of her narrative. Whenever I try to approach the issue I’m constantly thinking “How seriously should I take this characterization? How much weight should I give to this information that is contradicted later on?” because Maas is so fickle with her characters and narrative. Like you said, there are many readers that claim that Maas had a plan all along and seem to hold the belief that they alone can comprehend the complexities of her writing when really the writing in question is just…bad.

Her foreshadowing (if you can even call it that) is merely what she wrote when she had her first idea of what the story would be and her follow-through is her retroactively modifying her narrative to make it fit. To put it plainly, any foreshadowing Maas does is weak and feeble because it is consistently overpowered by her poor planning and conflicting ideas. All of her contradictory additions exist for one reason: to disguise the fact that she has plan and makes narrative decision on whims. Most notably, Rhysand and Tamlin are great examples of this because of how obvious Maas is in her defanging and rehabilitation of Rhysand coupled with her questionable writing decisions for Tamlin. She changes her mind by partway through her story and veers off in an entirely different direction, resulting in her readers being subjected to chapters and chapters of inane explanations and retroactive continuity. Hence, why Maas frames certain character decisions as sudden “realizations” and “epiphanies” meant to recontextualize previous events but are really just her scrambling to make her favourite pairing endgame as quickly as possible. It’s lazy, choppy and insulting to the reader.

It makes ACOMAF an extremely tiresome book because of how insistent Maas is with her newly decided characterizations. Suddenly Rhysand’s is a righteous and noble prince who only ever wanted to protect people and loses any edge he had in ACOTAR. Suddenly Tamlin is obsessed with respecting tradition and customs despite his stated aversion to it previously. While I can see what Maas was trying to do with the two of them, her lack of foreshadowing ruins my suspension of disbelief and creates a jarring shift in the story that never truly feels earned. To claim that Maas thoroughly planned these books would be generous.

[longbobmckenzie]

Tips for writing a villa fic

If you pay attention to Love Island the Game fanfiction at all, you've probably read a villa fic or two, or a hundred. They can be a lot of fun, and the nature of the game lends itself really well to the concept. Which is why so many people have started writing villa fics of their own... and yet, so few finish them, or even come close.

Well, I’ve written more than my fair share of villa fics, ranging from a 3k word oneshot (yes, really) to a 230k word start-to-finish Season 2 Bobby fic, and I’ve read a whole lot more, so I've learned a thing or two about the genre.

So, I figured I’d share some of my tips, and ask some of my writer friends for their input (thanks @queen-of-boops, @rebelrayne, and @thoracic-orchid), and here we are!

Buckle in, because this gets long (much like my fics!)

Tip #1: Recognize that it’s a lot of work

It takes a long, long time to write a full villa fic, especially if it’s Season 2 and you’re starting on Day 1 and going right up to the final (and beyond?). We’re talking months of work, maybe even years depending on how much time you have to dedicate to it. My first fic (230k words) took me 9-10 months to write, and that was during COVID lockdown when I didn’t really have much else to do.

This isn’t meant to discourage you at all, but I’ve seen so, so many villa fics get published and never get past the first few chapters. Sometimes they even get 20-30 chapters in before the author loses interest or just plain runs out of free time. It’s a commitment, but it can definitely be done!

This especially applies to “All Star” villa fics or season crossovers. Kudos to those who attempt it and especially those who finish (I know of only one person who’s managed this off the top of my head), but trust me, it’s hard enough writing a villa fic, writing a crossover is putting it on evil mode.

Also consider if you’re writing from a male character’s POV (the LI, perhaps, or a male MC) that you’ll probably need to write more “boys only” scenes, so a little extra creativity is required (I could never, honestly).

Tip #2: Have a plan

I cannot stress this enough. Easy for me to say since I’m an outliner at heart anyway, but I’m in the middle of writing a villa fic and even with an outline, I’m still going back and tweaking early chapters (tip within a tip: write a few chapters before publishing anything!) when my plan changes slightly.

But having a clear direction of where you want to take the fic and planning out plot points, recouplings, dumpings, etc. is extremely important. Especially when you start going off-canon (more on that in a bit) or when you get to days where literally nothing happens in the villa.

The nice thing about villa fics is that you’ve already got a structure to work with, you just have to plan how you want your characters’ relationship(s) to develop and how to drive the plot.

Tip #3: You don’t always have to stick to the plan

That said, characters sometimes do things you didn’t plan for. And that’s okay! Sometimes. There are times you need to assert your will, but other times, things will change and you just need to re-evaluate your outline. And that’s okay… within reason.

For example, in Whiskey & Scotch, my plan was always for Bobby to be the endgame LI. Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with Henrik, and people really liked him and my OC together (mild spoiler: they were coupled up for a time). I was extremely tempted to blow up my outline to make it work for them, but the groundwork was laid for Bobby to be endgame, and I had scenes planned that had been living in my head for months by that point that I was excited for. It just didn’t make sense to make Henrik the LI (which is why I’m now working on a rewrite/alternate ending, because I still love them together even years later).

On the other side, at the post-Casa Amor dumping, Noah was single and I’d planned for him to save Hope. She was already a bit of a villain, they had history, it just made sense. But when I was writing the scene, I was completely stuck on his speech. I got a crazy/evil idea and had him save someone else instead. It changed a lot and I had to rework my outline a bit, but it worked out so well that I can’t imagine doing it the way I’d intended.

Tip #4: Watch the show

This is optional (technically, they all are), but it really is helpful on so many levels. It can give you an idea of the villa layout (Seasons 3-5 and 7 of the show all use the same villa), give you ideas for challenges, dialogue, plot ideas, etc. The show uses a host instead of the opening scene and some of the dumpings being done through text, generally it’s the boys picking the girls on day 1 instead of the girls, etc.

There are also more rules on the show that don’t make it into the game. Again, totally optional, but to make it a bit more realistic you could limit the islanders’ alcohol consumption (or let them get completely shit-faced if that works for your plot), take away all clocks, refer to their microphones occasionally, etc.

Also, like… I’ve never seen anyone on the show have sex on the terrace, but it happens in the game. You want your characters getting it on out in the open like that? By all means. But if you prefer a bit more realism, stick to the bedroom and hideaway. The bathroom is communal, but hey, the shower works too.

If you want to add challenges to your fic, I like to use this website for ideas. It lists most of the challenges from season 3 onwards, including results and video. It’s a great resource.

Tip #5: Kiss canon goodbye

There are definitely readers out there who prefer fics that follow canon, and to each their own. Personally, I’ve played the game over and over, read a whole bunch of fics, and written a bunch of fics, so I’m kinda sick of canon. Plus, sometimes canon just sucks or doesn’t make sense. So don’t be afraid to stray from canon, toss it into a ball and throw it out the window, or stomp all over it.

First, the dialogue. We’ve all read it over and over, got it practically memorized. Feel free to change it! In fact, please do! You can keep some lines and change the responses to completely alter a conversation, or make slight adjustments, or just… not include it at all, if you want. You can take out canon scenes and replace them with your own. Or keep them and just change who-did-what. Etc, etc. Make it your own!

Second, individual scenes. It’s okay to cut them. We don’t need to see Noah singing Toto on the daybed with Hope and Rocco walking by singing Wonderwall. Cutting it will not negatively impact your fic in any way.

What about challenges? Well… they can be cut too. Ask yourself, do they drive the plot? Is it necessary? For example, the day 4 slime challenge. Priya grinds on Noah despite not needing his colour, Lottie gets mad, blah blah blah. We know. The reader most likely knows. But unless you’re making MC’s drama the primary focus, you can cut it and just write a paragraph of narration telling us why the girls are fighting. The reader will understand and most likely appreciate that they didn’t have to skim through it.

Hell, you can skip recouplings, dumpings, even whole days. Trust me, I’ve done it. If you’re primarily sticking to a timeline that generally follows canon and not really messing with what’s going on with the other islanders, you can absolutely skip over that stuff and keep the focus solely on your MC and their LI. You can even still make slight changes to canon and just narrate what happened.

Basically, what you keep depends on what you’re trying to do with your fic. If you want to do the whole villa experience thing, keep as much as you want. If you just want to write a love story between two people who happen to be in the villa, you can cut out anything and everything that doesn’t in some way develop their relationship.

Also, you don’t have to start on day 1. Or if you do, you don’t have to start with the MC arriving at the villa. Be creative! And along the same veins, you don’t have to end it with the final. Heck, your characters don’t have to even make the final!

Tip #6: Read other fics

Again, you don’t have to do this. Plenty of villa fic writers don’t read other people’s villa fics. But I do think it’s a good idea, especially if you want to write a Bobby or Lucas fic (picking on the most popular characters because they have the most fics written for them).

You’ll be able to get some ideas of how other people did it – how much canon they kept in, how much they cut, how they made the story their own – but you’ll also get a good idea of what’s been done before. MC and Bobby are immediately attracted to each other right from the start? Great… but how are you going to make yours different from the other hundred fics that do that? Lucas switches to Blake? Okay yes, that’s canon – but are you going to keep it? What motivations are you going to give him? Maybe MC switches too?

And this isn’t to say that if someone else has an idea for something, you can’t do the same thing. Especially for people who watch the show, there have been a number of situations where people will have the same ideas. I’ve had it where I’ve had scenes planned or written only to read someone else’s fic and seen almost the exact same thing. It happens! Obviously don’t plagiarize, but it’s okay to have the same idea. And if anyone accuses you of stealing ideas, have them send their hate mail to me (don’t actually do that).

Tip #7: Write what you want to read

The reason I got into fanfiction and wrote my first villa fic in the first place was because I had an idea that I thought would be really interesting to read. I didn’t think anyone else was gonna come up with the same idea, though, so I wrote it myself.

I don’t know what sort of motivations other writers have when they start writing their fics, but if you have an idea, you just might be the best candidate to write it.

Tip #8: Don’t do it alone

Find a beta reader if you can (note: it’s not always easy, especially since villa fics are a huge commitment), but even if you can’t get someone to edit for you, getting someone who can give constructive criticism is extremely helpful – if you’re open to listening. They can help you figure out what works, what doesn’t, and what to work on.

Most importantly, though, find someone you can bounce ideas off of. If you’re struggling writing a scene, or need some ideas to help with a character’s motivation or dialogue, or you have a crazy idea and need some validation or advice… having someone you can go to is the best. All of my fics are better thanks to the people who helped, whether it was in big ways or little.

Tip #9: Develop your main character

Okay this is the tip that I don’t actually listen to myself 🤣 I’m a storyteller, so my fics tend to be more about the plot than the character arc, but having more well-rounded, developed characters is something I wish I were better at. If you know who your character is – their voice, their habits, their likes and dislikes, their family and relationship histories – it’ll be easier to write them. And the same goes for the canon characters as well! Give them more of a backstory! Give them siblings and heartbreaks! Especially with a villa fic where, unless they’re doing a challenge, they do nothing but sit around all day and have chats, you need stuff for them to talk about. This goes for group conversations, too – sometimes you just need to have some ideas of things they can talk about.

Now, I will say that I don’t think every MC needs to have heartbreak in their past (maybe they’re the heartbreaker?) or some sort of sob story. Those are common tropes in your regular run-of-the-mill romance story, and there’s nothing wrong with it, but it all goes hand-in-hand with your character’s motivations and how you want their relationship with the LI to develop. You can go that direction, but don’t feel you have to. If the story you have planned doesn’t need a character with a tragic past, then just have them be an average Joe.

Also, just a minor pet peeve of mine… your MC doesn’t have to be this super perceptive person who gets everyone’s answers right in Two Truths and a Lie. It’s day 2, c’mon. And they don't need to be the girl that all the guys in the villa are falling all over themselves to be with – is it more interesting for 4-5 guys to be into MC or for MC to be interested in someone only to be turned down? Just food for thought.

Tip #10: Choose the right POV

There’s no right or wrong POV, so choose whatever’s comfortable for you and your fic. But just note that readers do have their preferences (some people are strongly opposed to 1st and/or 2nd POV, for example). For a chaptered villa fic, it doesn’t really make sense to use 2nd person POV (“you” pronouns) because you’re telling the story of a main character who isn’t really generic. For oneshots/series where you’re writing snapshots of the villa, that might be what works for you, though.

As for 1st and 3rd, there are pros and cons to both. I chose to write my first villa fic in 1st because I really wanted the focus to be on my MC and seeing the villa through her eyes. Basically, if she didn’t see it or hear about it, I wasn’t going to include it. Other than that fic, though, I’ve primarily written in 3rd and it’s made me a better writer.

If you want to alternate POV between your MC and the LI (and maybe some of the side characters as well, as there are some people who do that), I recommend sticking to 3rd POV, because it can be a little confusing for the reader to remember whose POV they’re reading when it’s in 1st.

And there you have it! Ten tips to think about before (or during) embarking on your own villa fic. Good luck!