#just a Crock-Pot of issues

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

When I tell you I cannot WAIT to hear readers reaction to the stunt Bruce pulled. I’d be rolling up with some words to say and punches to throw

"Bruce," Dick cautioned, "don't start a fight."

"Hn."

"They have kids," Dick reminded. And Jason- well. It wasn't Jason that worried him when it came to the kids. It was you. Now that he'd had a little time to do some digging of his own, he could understand your appeal to Jason. A young, pretty single mom? A convoluted adoption story? Strong enough to do it alone but vulnerable enough to trip all his protective instincts.

"Hn."

"And dogs. Couple big ones," Dick hummed. Though the enthusiastic boxer and the aging wolfhound wouldn't be much of an issue, he didn't think.

Bruce nodded and looked towards the house. Through the kitchen window, he could see his son. Phone pinned between his ear and his shoulder. Flipping bits of diced meat to the dogs as he worked on putting... whatever it was into the crock pot. He looked... content. Relaxed. If a little out of place.

It was clear that the decorations and paint were... your taste. And that they hadn't been updated. Pale pink walls and mint curtains and appliances... It made his hulk of a son look like he was playing in a doll house.

"Quit being creepy and start your apology tour," Dick sighed. "You can do me next-"

"I just wanted proof he wasn't-"

"You're the one that told him to leave. Again," Dick snapped. "So he did. And now he has a wife. And kids. And probably another kid on the way. When the fuck is he supposed to cause trouble?"

Bruce looked back to the window and watched Jason sit in a kitchen chair. Shooing the wolfhound's head off the table. Only to groan when the dog just started to try and crawl into his lap.

"When-"

"His wife closes shop at 5pm," Dick said. "Kids get home at 3:45. You have an hour and a half if you want to get him alone."

"Hn."

[nobodyfamousposts]

My-Crack-Ulous: Norm 2

For Norm, most of his time with Lila was spent studying up on the events of the past few years and the current state of Paris in order to get up to date. 

For Lila, most of her time with Norm was spent trying to find the perfect way to make her wishes so they wouldn’t keep backfiring.

Which was hilarious to Norm, since her attempts only made things worse.

“One of these wishes is bound to work!” Lila insisted, starting to look almost as haggard and unhinged as a certain crock-pot.

Norm rolled his eyes.

Geez, he was just kind of insulted by this point. One would think after the first two wishes going completely wrong that the wish-maker would put one and two together and give up by that third wish.

Here Lila Rossi was a good hundred or so wishes PAST that magic number and she was STILL insisting that Ladybug and Dupain-Cheng—who totally aren’t the same person wink wink—were responsible for turning her wishes against her. Somehow, for the girl who liked to think she was so ingenious, she hasn’t figured out that it was his own magic screwing with her.

Honestly, he was kind of insulted. It was like she didn’t even KNOW him!

…which she didn’t, now that he thought about it. He’d barely gotten out that he was a genie before she started on the wishing. 

Not like he was going to do anything to change that, though, but still! He felt kind of used. Maybe he should talk to her about it? She was still young—only a teenager and probably deserved a chance to learn and grow or something.

…nah.

“You’re doing great, kid.” He said blithely as he looked over a news article instead.

Apparently Dimmsdale had vanished from the face of the Earth as far as he could find, so either Turner had done something or he was in an entirely different dimension. Either way, twerp was gone and not his problem.

Thus, he instead used his time wisely—or at least more wisely than his new victim at any rate. As such, he decided to take the time to learn about how things worked before he tried to mess around too much. Particularly regarding these heroes and the whole “Hawk Moth” deal. Maybe he should have tried more to get in touch with that guy, but given some of those “akumas” he’d been making….yeah, no, Norm was better off staying out of that.

Though the Miraculous seemed familiar. He could swear he encountered them before. Hadn’t he known a guy? Cat guy? 

Eh, it was a while ago. Probably nothing.

He picked up the next random reading material in the pile and…ooh, a magazine. He ignored Lila muttering to herself while looking over the magazine and…wow, this blond kid really was everywhere, wasn’t he?

Creepy. Seriously, was he the only one kind of weirded out over the hyped up over focus on a 14 year old? 

No? Just him?

Lila glared at him. Part of her was tempted to try and demand answers, but that would be admitting there was some issue. And there was none!

She was fine! Perfect, in fact! Now she had her own genie and magic to influence the world with! The only problem was she couldn’t use it on Ladybug.

Clearly, this was Ladybug’s fault. She must be doing SOMETHING to interfere with her new magic!

Typical. She just couldn’t let Lila have anything good. Not Adrien. Not fame. Not even the crushing defeat of her enemies.

But Lila would prevail—oh yes! All she had to do was find the right wish to get everything she deserved!

"Soon." She muttered with a smirk. "Soon..."

____________________

I wish everyone, including Ladybug, believed I was her best friend!"

Three days later and nothing.

Ladybug didn't come to visit her. She didn't interact with her outside of battles. Or even IN battles except to tell her to stay out of the battles. And nobody new was cozying up to Lila in a way that would suggest they were under the effects of her wish.

"What gives?!" She demanded to Norm, finally having enough of waiting. Though to be fair, Lila had never been very patient. "Why isn't Ladybug being friendly with me?"

She glared at the picture of the superhero on her computer. No updates. No news. Nothing out of character. And no sign of even caring about Lila the way she should!

"If Ladybug thought I was her best friend, shouldn't she be friendly towards me? Hell, she should be spilling her identity to me by now!”

Norm, being rather bored by this point, shrugged. Truthfully, even he didn't know for sure why the superhero remained unchanged, but he had a few gueses.

"Well, your wish didn't take into account who Ladybug is."

"What is THAT supposed to mean?!" She demanded.

He sighed. "Kid, your wish made Ladybug think you were her best friend. The only reason she wouldn't tell you her identity would be because she wouldn't tell her own non-wish-influenced best friend her identity."

"Shouldn't she have trusted me with a Miraculous at least?" She questioned.

"Not if Ladybug was understandably ticked off that her "best friend" would claim a connection between them to the world for popularity and decide she's not trustworthy or a true friend." Norm replied. People don't always stay best friends, after all. And while the wish may have made Ladybug think Lila was her best friend in the moment, all the OTHER things Lila had done would likely sour that quickly.

So ultimately, a waste of a wish.

Then of course, came the other problem of that wish…

“Tell us who Ladybug is or else!” Demanded the scarred and nasty-looking man, knife in hand and pointed directly at Lila.

Lila, who had been kidnapped from school that afternoon by this thug and his followers, tied to a chair, and interrogated on the one thing she would already have told everyone had she known!

“I don’t know!” Lila insisted.

“Bullshit! You’re her best friend!”

“As Ladybug! She hasn’t told me her true identity!”

Another thug scoffed. “What kind of best friend are ya, then?”

She glared at him in outrage.

Fortunately for her, that moment was interrupted as an akuma chose that time to slam through a wall a la a certain American meme.

“Lila Rossi!”

The thugs screamed in fear and either scattered or were knocked over by the falling wall. The few who remained were quickly taken care of with a zap or three from the akuma’s wand.

Thank goodness!

“Finally! It’s about time—”

But the akuma gave her no further time to speak, instead pointing his wand at her and glaring ominously.

“Tell us who Ladybug is or else.”

Lila stared.

Was the akuma serious? Was Hawk Moth serious? They were allies! He should know she isn’t actually Ladybug’s friend or anything close to an ally, so why was he sending the akuma after her?

…oh.

Oh right. The wish she made was for “Everyone”. And that included Hawk Moth, too.

“NORM!”

____________________

“I wish Ladybug would be crushed by an akuma!”

One hour later... Lila watched, seething in rage through binoculars as the akuma "Lady-Fan”, Ladybug’s apparent “#1 Fan” was taking Ladybug on a rather lovely date to a high scale restaurant the likes of which Lila herself couldn't get into.

Even Hawk Moth appeared none-too-pleased given the illuminated mask around the akuma’s face—not that the akuma herself even noticed, only having eyes for Ladybug and not about to let anything stand between her and some one-on-one time with her favorite hero.

Which would be sweet…to anyone who wasn’t Lila.

“Norm, undo it!”

Norm looked up from a movie—the Ladybug movie of all things.

“You sure you wanna use a wish on this? It’s an akuma. It’ll just be resolved on its own.”

“UnDO it. NOW.”

He sighed and snapped his fingers.

With a poof, Ladybug was suddenly alone with a very much no-longer-akumatized fan…but still in the restaurant—and since no Lucky Charm had been used, the two apparently decided to continue with their “hangout”.

Lila glared.

“There. Happy?” Norm asked.

“No! Not until Ladybug is destroyed!” Lila shouted, seemingly uncaring to the potential of anyone nearby being able to hear her.

Norm rolls his eyes before turning back to his movie with a shake of his head and a mutter about a waste of a wish.

[imtrashraccoon]

This one covers a variety of subjects and the prompt could be interpreted literally or metaphorically. I dunno, I couldn't find a good place to stop writing it lol. Also, I think I'm going to include word counts when these get pretty long from now on.

@owl-bones

First Day, Previous Day, & Next Day.

Bad Sansuary: Horror - Sharp

Word Count: 2,900

You were in the middle of sweeping the floors and going some general cleaning, when Axe stopped by again. You'd gotten used to the slow but steady knocks that signaled his arrival by now and since you were a little busy, you just called out for him to come in as you knew the door was unlocked.

The door opened and shut as he actually entered your apartment. Then his warm, quiet voice called out to you, "hey, i brought somethin' if ya want to try it..."

You poked your head around the corner to greet him, only to see how shocked he looked. His red eyelight had shrunk down to the size of a penny and it was clearly wobbling around the edges. His posture was stiff and his fists clenched tightly, despite holding a small crock pot with one arm.

You frowned and leaned the broom up against the wall before approaching him carefully. "Is everything okay?" you asked.

His gaze flicked over you quickly, never focusing on one place for too long as if he was inspecting you, eventually settling on your left hand. You started to ask again when he carefully set the crock pot on the ground and stepped closer to you. He went to reach for your hand but hesitated when you stepped backwards.

"are you okay? what happened to your hand?" he finally asked.

You grimaced and looked down at the thick bandage around your index finger. "Oh, this? I'm fine, I just got a bit careless and nicked my finger with a knife while making lunch earlier." To sort of prove your point, you flexed your fingers, although it was a bit difficult with how wrapped up your hand was.

His gaze lingered on your finger for a long moment before he glanced back at your face again. Sucking a deep breath through his teeth, you could see he was trying his best to calm down again before speaking.

"sorry... i just... i could smell blood and i guess i panicked..." he muttered. His cheekbones seemed to flicker a cobalt colour which, while it was momentarily fascinating, you quickly realized he was embarrassed for getting so worked up over nothing.

You frowned and quickly inspected your bandage for any leakage, but you'd taken great care to wrap it as securely as you could. "Huh, I swear I cleaned up after everything, although there was quite a bit of blood..." Shaking your head, you added, "It pretty much stopped bleeding after a couple of minutes though, so I don't think I need to get stitches."

"i have a really strong sense of smell...helps with huntin'..." Axe picked up the crock pot and turned to you. Before you had time to ask what that even meant, he decided to change the subject. "i think you should try some of this," he stated in a firm voice.

He was already on his way to your kitchen to put the small appliance down on a counter and so you just followed him without protest. Whatever he'd made certainly smelled good, although you'd barely just eaten lunch, and you didn't want to ruin your dinner by eating anything heavy right now. You really hoped he wouldn't be upset by this with how adamant he'd sounded.

Clearing your throat, you moved over to the counter so you could look at him. "It smells really good, what is it by the way?" you asked.

Axe smiled as he removed the lid and gave the heavenly contents a quick stir with a spoon. " 's called chicken divan," he hummed.

"Ooh, sounds delicious." You hesitated for a moment before trying to approach the real issue. "Um, Axe?"

His gaze flicked to you and he tilted his skull in a questioning manner. "what's up?" he asked.

"This looks really good and I can tell you spent a long time making it, but I don't think I could eat much of anything right at this moment. You see, I just had lunch... I'm not trying to be rude or anything... I just..."

His left eye socket narrowed ever so slightly as you continued rambling although he didn't interrupt you, and just waited until you'd run out of steam. He didn't look upset per say but his expression seemed so neutral that you couldn't be sure.

He reached out and placed a hand on your shoulder when you'd stopped speaking. "i'm not offended, okay? i'm just concerned about ya and eatin' even just a little will help..." He spoke slowly like he was trying to explain something but didn't really know the best words.

You didn't really understand why he wanted you to try his food so bad. It was just food, right? He was also acting really concerned when you'd only had a small accident earlier and were okay now.

"How will it help? Am I missing something here?"

"cause it has healin' magic in it... all food made by monsters does," he said plainly.

When you gave him a confused look, something seemed to click and his eye sockets widened in surprise. "you've never had monster food have you?" he asked and glanced around your kitchen as if he'd spot some sort of ingredient to prove him wrong.

"No? I've heard it's good but I've never really paid attention." You crossed your arms when he glanced back at you in disbelief. "Axe, you're my only monster friend and in case you haven't noticed, I don't spend a lot of time out and about making new friends, monster or human."

He hummed thoughtfully before shrugging. "fair enough, i didn't realize. it'll help heal your injury though like nothin' happened."

You couldn't argue with that, especially since your finger was still throbbing painfully, even if it wasn't actively bleeding any more. So, you managed to eat a small portion of the incredibly tender chicken and broccoli in order to ease his concern. It had been a long time since you'd even eaten anything this delicious.

Axe seemed to relax some after you'd finished eating, although you couldn't help but get the feeling that he would've preferred if you'd eaten more. He didn't complain though and when you complimented his cooking, seemed positively pleased. Although, he still appeared to be on edge about something if the way he kept looking you over was any indication.

When you caught him studying you once again, you reached over and gently touched his arm. "Hey, Axe? Are you alright?" you asked.

He seemed to startle and jumped slightly. His gaze silently flicked to your hand and then back to you with a surprised expression.

"i... i'm fine, just..."

You could see him struggling to answer and he couldn't seem to maintain eye contact at the same time. Still, you gave him a patient smile and rubbed his hoodie sleeve in a reassuring manner.

"You can tell me if something's bothering you. That's what friends are for, you know?"

"it's...hard to talk about," he responded.

"I don't mind listening..."

Axe let out a heavy sigh and pulled out one of the kitchen chairs from the table. Following suit, you sat down next to him and waited patiently. He stared at his clawed hands for several long minutes before speaking again.

"things used to be really rough...where i'm from... there was a famine... folks had to resort to...drastic measures to survive... if it weren't for paps and myself, the whole town would've...fallen down..."

As he spoke, you noticed how detached and hollow his tone of voice had become. You could also feel the depths of his pain, as if you were taking a peek into his very soul, and it hurt. Still, you wanted to be there for him and so you stayed seated nearby, resting your hand on his arm in an effort to comfort him.

"it's hard seein' people i care about hurt or even just hungry... i've seen so many just...give up..." He made eye contact with you and held it before adding, "you have no idea what i've had to do just to survive..."

You couldn't help but glance away under the intensity of his gaze. Was it just you or had the room become colder all of the sudden? Swallowing nervously, you steeled yourself to look back at him, only to find that he was still staring.

"Well... I, uh, can't say I fully understand how awful literally starving to death is, but you're doing better now, right?" When he nodded slowly, you sighed and continued talking. "That's a relief to hear at least. I'm touched that you trust me enough to tell me about this when I can tell it's not a pleasant thing for you to discuss."

He continued to stare at you for what felt like an eternity. Unfortunately, you couldn't tell what he was currently thinking from his indecipherable facial expressions. Just when you could hardly take the unofficial staring contest any longer, he finally broke the silence.

"you're a strange human..." he muttered.

You couldn't help the quick bark of laughter at his comment. "I thought we'd already established that by now," you teased.

That same cobalt colour from before flickered across his zygomatic bones and he glanced away, scratching the right side of his skull awkwardly. "heh... right, i almost forgot..."

"I wouldn't have stuck around at all when we first met if I didn't like you, okay? I stand by the people I count as friends and I consider you a good friend, Axe."

His blue blush deepened slightly which was kind of adorable, considering he was such a giant of a skeleton. He certainly seemed easier to fluster today, although a lot had also happened in the short time he'd been here. You would definitely have to tease him about it another time.

"you did it again."

You were a bit taken aback by the suddenness of his statement and blinked owlishly at him. "Did what again?" you asked.

"the thing you did with intent. it was like...you forced all of your concern and reassurance into my soul."

Your eyes widened in shock and you quickly pulled your hand away from him, although he looked a little disappointed when you did so. "Crap, I wasn't trying to...manipulate you or anything like that..." You buried your face in your hands and groaned, "I really have no idea how Intent or magic works... I'm sorry, Axe."

He chuckled and shook his skull. "nah, ya didn't do anythin' wrong. it...felt nice actually..."

"Really...?" You peeked between your fingers at him to check that he wasn't upset, thankfully he just seemed mildly amused. "Any chance you could explain what it is so I can try not to accidentally do it again?"

"eh, i'm really not the best person to ask..." Axe thought for a moment before continuing. "do ya at least know about human soul traits?"

You nodded, "Yeah, it's pretty common knowledge now, although only mages can really know their primary trait. Anyone without magic can't really, unless you know a monster willing to draw you into an Encounter or have to get some expensive procedure done."

"figures," he muttered. "i used to be able to tell at a glance but after everythin' that happened, my magic changed completely. i pretty much only use it to get around now and rarely even then."

"I'm guessing you can't draw me into an Encounter to actually find out then?"

He got a bit of an odd look at the idea and shrugged. "more like i won't... 's not that i don't trust ya...i just don't trust myself..."

"Ah." He probably didn't want to risk nearly killing you again after what happened the first time. The weird thing was, you were pretty sure he hadn't actually pulled you into an Encounter back then, but you'd never been in one to know either.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I understand they're something personal to monsters and I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

" 's fine, i don't get offended easily compared to some guys i know." Axe took a deep breath before quietly adding, "well, i don't tend to lash out if someone insults me at least..."

"Why would anyone...?"

He gestured to the left side of his skull before you could finish your question, drawing your attention to his large red eyelight but also, the gaping hole in his skull. You'd almost forgotten that wasn't normal as it just seemed like a part of him as a person, rather than a likely traumatic injury.

"Oh... Still though, why make fun of the guy who could bench press anyone without breaking a sweat?"

He shrugged, "dunno, some folks are probably too dense for their own good. i never used to look like this though..."

"How so?" you asked softly.

"used to be shorter...less scary looking too. no claws or sharp teeth either... 's the result of changin' to make survival easier."

It was hard to picture him as anything but the large, sharp-edged skeleton currently sitting at your dining table. He tended to be the honest type though so you had no reason to believe he was messing with you.

"So...is that what you meant by hunting earlier?"

He nodded but remained quiet.

You felt like you had to say something to make him feel slightly better. It was true that he was on the scary side as far as appearance goes, but you'd seen how gentle he could be. He wasn't some scary, evil person, at least in your eyes.

"You know, you are quite scary on the outside. However, unlike a lot of humans I've met over the years, you seem to wear your heart on your sleeve and aren't hiding malicious intentions on the inside." You smiled warmly at him and added, "I... I consider you a good friend... Which is saying a lot because I don't really have any friends."

His permanent smile instantly morphed into the most genuine grin you'd seen to date. He looked like he desperately wanted to give you a hug but was physically holding himself back for the time being.

"heh, i'm touched to say the least..." he said, although you could tell that was quite the understatement. "i consider ya a good friend too and, as i betcha understand, i don't make friends easily."

Hearing that he felt the same, you felt an overwhelming wave of joy flow over you. No one would understand that you got along with this teddy bear of a man better than any of them, despite how scary he looked.

But then, you remembered your previous question that had brought up this conversation in the first place. "So, not to brush aside this awesome moment, but what about Intent? What does it have to do with soul traits?"

He didn't seem to mind that you'd changed the subject and nodded thoughtfully as he considered your question again. "well, i 'spect your primary soul trait is some variation of kindness considerin' how empathetic you've always been towards me. i can't say i've ever met a human who uses intent to make others feel better like you do."

He scratched his skull and added, "it's hard to describe... normal humans can't really sense intent as far as i know, but it's like you're giving all of your current feelings to me."

He chuckled when you gave him a look of bewilderment and took your right hand in his much larger one. "don't worry, ya aren't doing it all the time, at least from what i've sensed, just today and the last time. i think ya need to purposely touch me anyways."

You breathed a huge sigh of relief and glanced down at your joined hands before looking back up to him again. "That's good to hear, I was really worried I'd been acting inappropriately or something."

"nah, you're fine, lil' chip..."

You blinked in surprise and did a great job at imitating a goldfish for a moment, much to Axe's amusement. "Excuse me?! You did not just call me short..." you hissed under your breath.

He actually laughed, to the point of nearly being brought to tears, much to your annoyance. You pulled your hand away and crossed your arms until he finally calmed down enough to speak again.

"what? it's cute, like you, so why not? if we're goin' to be friends, you should know i like to give my friends nicknames..." he said while flicking a stray tear away from his left eye socket.

You tried to remain firm and pout, but you couldn't. He was adorable and while you'd always hated it when people picked on you for being a bit smaller than average, you didn't really mind it coming from him. He seemed completely genuine and not like he was trying to belittle you either.

"Fine, but only because i like you..." you grumbled. "And you better make it up to me by coming to visit more often."

He chuckled again and patted your head in a way that was probably supposed to be affectionate. "okay, okay, i'll see if i can make some room in my schedule so we can hang out more, just for you..."

You could feel your cheeks grow warm with the way he was looking at and talking to you. "You better..." was all you could manage to retort with.

[seenoversundown]

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of Year

Warnings: Mentions of minor injury, Fluff otherwise!

Word Count: 2.2k

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year - Andy Williams It's the most wonderful time of the year There'll be much mistltoeing And hearts will be glowing When loved ones are near

Daniel POV: 

“Ah, YEP. There it is,” I practically growl as the breaker trips, shrouding my apartment in darkness. 

I should have known better than to try to mash potatoes with a hand mixer when I already have three crock pots plugged in, warming side dishes. 

“Fucking ancient wiring,” I mutter to myself as I rip the plug from the wall before heading into the laundry room to flip the breaker back on. 

The breaker is just the latest bit of misfortune that has derailed my plans for a traditional Christmas dinner. 

First, I severely overslept. Melody and I wanted to wake up at 7:00 to do presents with Iris. Imagine my shock when she strolled into our room at 9:30, questioning why Santa came and we didn't wake her up. 

Then, after we opened our presents and Iris was sufficiently tuckered out and down for a nap, I started preparing for dinner. 

Because I wanted to be fancy, I obviously bought fresh vegetables, which led to me nicking my finger while cutting the green beans.  

After Melody played nurse and left me with one gloved hand, I managed to grab the handle of a pre-heated cast iron skillet with my other hand. Melody was not happy with me when she had to play nurse for a second time in under an hour. 

It had been smooth sailing after that, up until the breaker issue. 

I’m pulled out of my reverie by a tiny hand tugging at the hem of my shirt. 

I look down to see a freshly awoken Iris rubbing her eyes. She lets out a big yawn before meeting my eyes. 

“Can I have juice?” she signs. 

My heart melts as I nod and rush to pull down a Big Girl Cup from the cabinet. I opened the fridge and pulled out the super-special organic apple juice that Uncle Sammy bought for Iris. The glass bottle slips in my hand, but I catch it before it drops. 

HAHA! Not this time!

I pour her juice and hand it over. 

“Be careful,” I ruffle her hair, “Now go play.” 

I look up and see Melody standing in the doorway, watching on with a fond smile on her face as Iris skitters past her. 

She walks into the kitchen and wraps her arms around my middle, “You’re a good dad, Daniel,” she presses a soft kiss to my chest as she nuzzles into my sweater. 

I breathe out a sigh and drop a kiss on the top of her head. 

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” I chuckle, “If stuff keeps going the way it is, I might not even be able to feed our kid tonight.” 

“You’re being a bit dramatic, babe,” she pinches my side, wiggling out of my arms, “It’ll all work out.” 

I pop the turkey in the oven and check my watch. 2:00pm

 Perfect! Everything is back on schedule, and I finally feel like I can take a breath. 

I lean against the counter and feel a smile creep over my face. My dinner is coming along. I can hear the tinkling giggles of my girls coming from the living room. I haven't made too much of a mess in the kitchen. 

I start to put away the dishes I’d left on the drying rack and spot the crystal wine decanter on the top shelf. 

Bingo!

I pull the decanter and two glasses down and glance over the bottles of wine sitting out on the counter, trying to determine which varietal Melody would appreciate most right now.  

Settling on a Merlot, I pour the bottle into the decanter and leave it to open up before venturing into the living room. 

Melody has her back to me, helping Iris change the dress on one of her new dolls, and I tiptoe up behind her. I catch Iris’ eye and bring a finger to my lips, signaling her to be quiet. 

She flashes me a toothy grin and tries, poorly, to hold back her giggles. 

Melody stiffens almost imperceptibly, and I already know she will be faking her reaction for Iris’ benefit. 

Regardless, I continue creeping up and grabbing Melody’s shoulders, gently shaking her in the process. 

“AHHHHH,” Melody drops the doll and lets out an exaggerated shout, “YOU SCARED ME, DANIEL!” 

She whips her head around and gives me a little wink.

Iris giggles again, “That was funny.” 

I grin and waggle my eyebrows at her, “More juice?” 

She nods, holding her cup out for me to take. 

I squeeze Melody’s shoulder again before heading back into the kitchen. 

I fill Iris’ cup with more apple juice, diluting it with water. I can’t have her getting an upset tummy on Christmas. Then, I pour some wine into one of the glasses and carry both back into the living room. 

“Thought both of my girls might be thirsty,” I say as I pass the wine to Melody. 

“You thought right, my love,” she grins. 

Iris’ eyes flit between us for a moment, “play with me?” 

And how can I say no to that? 

An hour and a half later, I’m back in the kitchen checking on our slowly progressing dinner. 

Turkey is coming along perfectly. The sides are looking good. I’m incredibly proud of the way I’ve turned this day around. 

Since we’re in the home stretch, I finally decided to pour myself a glass of wine. 

As I reach for the decanter, it slips from my grasp and shatters into a million little pieces. Merlot paints nearly every kitchen surface: the walls, the floor, the fridge, everywhere. 

“FUUUUUCK,” I scream at the top of my lungs. I’ll be shocked if we don’t get a noise complaint from one of the neighbors. 

I hear footsteps walking up the hallway.

“Please stay out of here. There’s glass everywhere,” I grind out through clenched teeth.

“I’m slipping on shoes, then I'm coming to help you,” Melody replies. 

We clean up silently; I’m on sweeping duty while Melody comes behind me with the mop. 

I finally set the broom down, confident I had swept up all the tiny crystal shards. 

“This day keeps getting worse,” I sigh, and Melody pats my arm, “I’m going to text Josh to see if he wants to come get Iris until dinner’s finished. At this point, I’m worried that my bad luck will rub off on her, and she’ll be the next victim of some inexplicable accident.” 

“Okay, big guy,” Melody lets out a small laugh, “I’m sure Josh would be happy to hang out with her solo.” 

Thirty minutes later, I let Josh in. Iris has practically been vibrating with excitement since we told her Uncle Josh wanted to see her. 

“Where’s my favorite little girl?” is the first thing out of his mouth as he steps over the threshold. 

“Well, hello to you too,” I say, rolling my eyes. 

“Oh, forgive me. HELLOOOOOOOO DANNY!” he claps back immediately,  “Now, where is she? Quinn and I have a whole afternoon planned for Iris, and that's more important than your ego.”

“Jesus, dude,” I say, rubbing my chest in mock hurt. 

“I’m just being honest,” he flashes a massive grin at me. 

“Well, thank you so much for your honesty,” I roll my eyes again, “Melody’s helping her get ready. Now, I know I don't need to tell you how to take care of her. Buuuuut, bad luck has been plaguing me all day. So, be extra careful with her.” 

“Gotcha, gotcha. I’ll be on the lookout for any falling pianos or trap doors,” it’s Josh’s turn to roll his eyes. 

“I know you're making fun of me, but with the luck I’ve had today, nothing would shock me at this point,” we share a laugh that’s interrupted by a bundled-up Iris rocketing herself into Josh’s legs. 

I watch as he quickly scoops her up and spins her around before setting her back down. 

“Ready to go, Petal?” he asks Iris with a cheesy grin. 

The second she nods her affirmative, they're out the door. 

Unfortunately for me, not even a minute after they’ve left, the smoke detector starts going off. I sigh for the trillionth time today and head back to the kitchen. 

Walking through the doorway, I see Melody standing in front of the open oven. She’s using an oven mitt to fan smoke away from the turkey. 

“Babe, stop. It's fine,” I start, “we both know that Christmas dinner is pretty much fucked at this point. Just turn the oven off.” 

I lean against the counter and hang my head in my hands, ultimately defeated. 

“It’s okay, babe. I have a plan!” Melody says as she takes my burnt Turkey out of the oven, trying to keep my spirits high. 

I fight the urge to scoff as I watch her open the freezer and pull a Pyrex dish out. 

“What's that?” I eye the dish in her hand. 

“It's a lasagna, Daniel. I always keep one on backup,” she grins at me, dimples on full display, “I know it's not traditional, but who’s gonna be mad about pasta?” 

“You’re a genius, dear,” I gently kiss her temple. 

She shrugs off my praise, “HA! No, not a genius. Just a mother. Moms always have to have at least three backup plans ready.” 

Melody greets our first guests at the door as I put the finishing touches on everyone’s place settings at the table. 

I vaguely hear them laughing together as I walk into the kitchen to add one final layer of cheese to the top of the lasagna. 

“Please make yourselves at home,” I can hear the genuine smile in Melody’s voice, “Daniel is likely in the kitchen if you want to go harass him.” 

The goofiest laugh follows her statement, and I know it’s Sam and Willa. 

“Oh, Daaaaaaaniel,” Sam calls out as he pops his head in the doorway, “it smells phenomenal in here, but nothing like turkey.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Last minute change of plans,” I reply flatly. 

“Josh texted me earlier and told me you were being a ‘Drama Queen,’” he adds air quotes before quirking a brow, “but I didn't assume you’d throw in the towel, buddy.” 

“Oh, get bent, Sammy,” I threw the towel draped across my shoulder at him.

He whips his head around, facing Willa, “Did you see that, Birdie? The fucker proved my point.” 

“I think it's lovely that you were able to solve your own problems, Danny,” Willa adds before smacking Sam across the chest with a smirk, effectively shutting him up. 

They make their way to the living room as our other guests show up. 

Jake and Charlotte show up next, popping in for a quick hello, not wanting to distract me. 

Obviously, Josh, Quinn, and Iris are the last ones to show up. 

“Oh, Iris just got so distracted playing. Sorry, we’re late.”

“That line doesn't work on me, Josh,” I let out a laugh, “I know you. You can't blame my kid for your chronic lateness.” 

“I resent that, Danny. I always arrive precisely when I mean to,” Josh scoffs indignantly. 

“Well, why don't you arrive in the living room and tell everyone dinner’s almost ready?” 

I lock eyes on Charlotte as I set the final dish on the table. 

Her eyes flit across the table, and the confusion on her face grows as she mouths the name of each dish she sees. 

Mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, LASAGNA?

Jake is patting her thigh comfortingly as he holds back laughter. 

I see her confusion mirrored on everyone else as I look around the table. 

Jake pulls himself together long enough to break the silence, “Wow! What a delightful array of food you have for us, Danny Boy! You even have rolls!” 

“Hey! I put garlic butter on them, asshole.” 

“Oh, then, by all means, they belong. Not a single thing out of place here.” 

That gets a round of laughs from the entire table. 

“Yeah, Danny,” Quinn starts, “I’m not trying to be mean, but wasn't this supposed to be a traditional dinner?” 

“Now, Bug, who can really say what ‘traditional’ means,” Josh ponders. 

“Ya know what, thank you, Josh,” I nod in his direction. 

“Oh, I’m not trying to help you, Danny. I’m just getting philosophical.” 

“Okay, everyone,” I pinch the bridge of my nose, “After the day I had, I’d like to see you come up with something better.” 

Melody nods with me as she opens a bottle of wine and passes it to Sam, “He really did have the most unfortunate string of luck. You all are lucky we even have dinner at all.” 

I grab her hand and gently kiss her knuckles in thanks as everyone finally tucks into their meals. 

“I do have a question,” Charlotte whispers, setting her fork down. 

I nod for her to go on. 

“What happened to the decanter we got you for your engagement party? This seems like a perfect time to use it.”

I let out the loudest groan, “I love you, Charlotte, but please never ask me that question again.” 

“It’s a sore spot for him,” Melody pats my hand, “I’ll tell you later.” 

“So, on that note,” I say, gesturing for everybody to start eating, “Merry Christmas, everyone.” 

Masterlist | Taglist

[bugbyte]

Recent discoveries from the land of Bug lives with a chronic illness and is tired all the time:

This is probably obvious to everyone but holy shit, crock pot. I used to use this thing mostly for a few very specific recipes because I feel like there’s something about the cooking method where things can tend to lose flavor or texture (might just be a me thing) but lately it’s been a lifesaver when I am hurting and exhausted, which has been a lot.

I’m trying to cut back on premade or processed stuff where I can because I don’t think it’s good for me personally or for our budget. (No judgement from me if that’s what’s easiest for you, we all gotta eat somehow.) Cooking has become a mega effort for me when I’m having a flare up and it’s been tough. I used to do all the cooking for us because I genuinely love to do it, but it’s gotten so hard for me recently and I’m trying new methods.

More chatter and recipes under the break~

This is all kind of a medium effort (unless you have someone to help, which I am lucky to have) so it might not work for everyone, because the ceramic piece of the cooker is kind of heavy to get out and clean if you’re prone to dropping things (I am) but it can go in the dishwasher. Also chopping things can be a pain; I have a little chopping thing that helps when I’m cooking alone, it looks like this:

Anyway, if you can get past those hurdles via tools or help or buying pre-chopped veggies, you’re halfway there. You can also prep veg when you’re having a good day and freeze it so you have it ready on a bad day.

Here are a few of my favorite recipes, all are kinda chicken-based and the method is basically the same but you can probably substitute another protein, this just works for my budget and dietary needs. The only thing I might not use is ground meat; something funny can happen with the texture of it, I think because you’re not necessarily stirring all the time. It can cook kinda weird if you’re not attentive, and we’re going for as hands off as possible here.

Today we chopped up a bunch of veggies and dumped them in with chicken breast, a bunch of seasoning (curry, garam masala, garlic, ginger, a little Trader Joe’s sriracha seasoning for a little heat, I mean, I don’t think you can really add too many spices here?? Add and measure with your heart, as they say), and a jar of tikka masala sauce. Then we just have to make rice later and it’s all set. 4-6 hours on high, 6-8 on low seems to be the standard and works for basically everything I’ve tried so far. Yeah, it’s kind of premade with the jar sauce, but having something hot with real veggies and chicken when you’re not feeling good is a real morale boost at the end of the day. Plus, a ton of leftovers.

Another easy one I love is chopping up an onion and a bell pepper or two, pour in either a jar of tomato pasta sauce or a big can of crushed tomatoes + whatever garlic/basil/etc seasonings you like, and throw a couple of chicken breasts on top with some seasoning on those too. Same timing as above. By the end the chicken just shreds apart by pinching it with tongs really easily (I have hand grip issues and I can do it) so shred that and stir it all together. This stuff is great on pasta, probably also would be an amazing sandwich on a bun with some mozzarella?? Last time we used a can of tomatoes so there was a ton of extra liquid and I just dumped in a package of farfalle at the end of cooking (or 30 minutes to the end, ish) and mixed it well, gave it 30 minutes to soak up the sauce, and it was really tasty. You really only have to pay attention at the end to make sure the pasta is the way you want it, not over or under done.

Lastly, tacos. Chicken, in whatever quantity you want. We are 2 people and 2 breasts is enough for a bunch of tacos and leftovers for lunch the next day. Add a little olive oil (just a dash to help stuff stick) and half a packet of any taco seasoning you like (save the rest for the end). Mix in one of those little cans of chopped green chilies plus about one tiny can of water or chicken broth if you’re feeling fancy. Cook either high or low (as above) but I find low on 6-8 hours actually does come out better on this one. When it’s done, shred the chicken like the tomato recipe. It should just fall apart with very little effort. Then add in the rest of the seasoning packet and mix; it helps thicken any liquid into sauce. If you still end up with too much liquid somehow, just scoop some out with a ladle. Then just put it on tortillas with whatever taco stuff you like. This one also works pretty well with a big chunk of pork, like pork shoulder. You may need some extra seasoning and stuff because it’s bigger, and I would also add some garlic to the pork version for better flavor. If you have the energy or assistance this stuff is also great shredded up and thrown under a broiler for a couple minutes for crispy edges, but that’s totally optional. Still tasty without it.

Anyway, just thought I’d share some of the easy stuff I’ve come across and liked because I love cooking and I hate how much trouble I’ve had making good food without running myself to exhaustion since I started having health problems. It’s a learning curve for sure.

[starlight-n-shit]

If anybody was wondering (you weren't) I was refered to as "selfish" today for, as politely as I possibly could, declining to eat something my aunt cooked. Now normally if someone cooks a meal and everyone else is eating it i'll eat it too because I don't want to look like a bitch however this was one of the most sensory hell Crock pot dish you can imagine and I was at the point of tears. I tried to explain that it was a sensory issue and it wasn't anything she did, but then everbody in the room procided to tell me i was silly and immature. I really don't want to come off as an asshole but it was just really overwhelming for me and i ended up crying in front of people i didn't want to cry in front of. I tried to eat it. I complemented other things she cooked. I really did try. Idk. Am i the bitch? God i really do sound like a bitch

[zzoomacroom]

Ooohhh, new getting to know you game!

Tagged by @4typercent and @tj-dragonblade, thanks babes! 💗💗💗

Who was your first fictional crush?

Disney's Aladdin lmao. I remember watching it with my cousin and both of us being like 😍

What's the first colour you think of when I tell you to think of a colour?

Oh fuck uhhhhhhhh orange. No wait, blue!

Which fanfiction emotionally scarred you and still makes you shudder to this day?

I'd rather not say because it's from my current fandom and it's actually really good (the part I read anyway), but I had to stop reading because it squicked me out badly and triggered some old trauma. But that's on me for not taking the tags seriously enough

I'm coming to your house for dinner, non-negotiable, what are you making me?

Umm uhhhh I don't know, what do you like? This is a lot of pressure 😭 how about some pasta? With like a bunch of veggies and pesto sauce? I can make some pretty good soups? Or I could make carnitas in the crock pot and we can have tacos (don't worry, I get the good tortillas from the Mexican grocery store, none of that Mission bullshit)

Do you prefer lions or kangaroos?

Kangaroos, they're like real life Pokémon

Which fictional villain do you brush past the glaringly obvious issues for because you really like them?

Oh gosh I'm drawing a blank...I kind of agree with @tj-dragonblade about Erik from Phantom of the Opera. Only because I was like 15 when I saw it and thought "I want a dark, mysterious man with a beautiful voice to be obsessed with me 🥺"

Oh, and Jareth from Labyrinth. I mean, come on, it's Bowie. Hmm, I may have a type...

What would accompany your picture in the Burn Book in Mean Girls?

Fat, annoying nerd with a mustache

How many days would you last in the universe of your favourite fandom?

I'd probably be fine, I tend to stay out of trouble and I'm not important enough to get the attention of any villains (hopefully)

Have you heard of Mischief Theatre?

No, but I just googled it and it sounds like fun

Do you feel sorry for Medusa?

I guess? Idk, if anything I envy her--snake hair and the ability to turn people to stone? Sounds awesome, sign me up. Yeah, it's probably obvious that I don't know much about Greek mythology

Which song makes you think of your OTP?

"In My Life" by the Beatles is sooooo dreamling coded, I might just work it into one of my fics. Also "Shelter Song" by Temples. But I can manage to make nearly any song about my blorbos

Which song makes you dissociate and daydream the fastest?

Pink Floyd's "Atom Heart Mother" suite. It sounds like the soundtrack to some grand, epic adventure

No pressure tags: @duckland @marvagon @kydrogendragon @tryan-a-bex @mallory-x @goofygooberton @fleabagoftheendless and anyone else who wants to join in! ✨️

[ripplestitchskein]

@solarpunk-0possum asked for a guide on solar yarn dyeing and I wrote this up because I’m a nutcase. It’s long but hopefully informative.

Its actually really easy and there’s cool things you can do with it. Chemknits on YouTube has some fun projects too, their channel is the ultimate dye channel imo. But I’m going to give you a crash course here because I like doing that.

Let’s start with fiber.

For acid dyes it needs to be a protein based fiber, it can be a blend, so wool and nylon for example but depending on the fiber it may look slightly different. I almost exclusively use Wool2Dye4 platinum sock for my yarn base which is 75% super wash merino wool and 25% nylon but for more environmentally friendly dyeing, as super washing isn’t great, you can go non super wash wool or other natural protein based fiber. Paradise Fibers and KnitPicks also have white yarn bases. There are other companies but most won’t let you buy single skeins as they are geared toward commercial dyers. I buy in bulk cause I do a lot of dyeing.

If you get a non super wash wool yarn it can felt but this process minimizes that risk significantly. Handling it a lot, stirring or squeezing and temp changes are what cause wool to felt. I also dye 100% wool top and roving in many varieties with this same method. This technique is great for that because your felting risk is super low since you aren’t stirring or changing temps until you rinse and even then the temp change is a lot less and your fiber stays together.

If you do a fiber like silk it is going to react a lot differently so you want to play around to get the hue you want. Silk is notoriously tricky but gorgeous.

Plant based fibers need a different totally different dye and mordant though, I’ll get into that later but if you have a hemp, linen, bamboo or viscose or something you can still do this. Even synthetic fibers like white acrylic or nylon can be dyed just needs a different dye and I can’t speak to the efficacy of solar as I’ve never dyed them but nylon blend works so I don’t see why not.

Now to the dyes.

Acid reactive dyes are dyes that react and bind to fiber once acid is introduced to the party. I use white vinegar or citric acid. You can buy acid dyes from companies like Jacquard or Dharma Trading, there are several companies but these are my personal favs. Jacquard has a red, blue and yellow set that is great to start with as you mix your own colors using basic color wheel principles.

You don’t have to buy special dye though!!

You can dye with Kool Aid or Easter egg dyeing pellets or food coloring (gel or liquid), cake sprays, bath bomb colors etc. It just won’t be as color and light fast. But if you are just playing around it’s super fun and safe and I have skeins that kept their colors for years no issue. Also using those food based dyes can be done with children where I wouldn’t with acid dyes.

For acid dyes you want to use equipment that won’t ever touch food again, so you need specific jars and spoons and such that are just for dyeing. I have dedicated dyeing equipment (stock pot, crock pot, tongs, spoons, etc) but I purchased all of it at thrift shops for super cheap.

I also use a N95 mask or respirator whenever I open my dye powder jars to not breath in particulates. I also wear glasses or safety goggles. I wear a mask for ANY powder even Kool Aid. It’s just good PPE. I am bad about wearing gloves though….I should be better. Wear gloves.

For this project as far as equipment all you need are glass mason jars. I used 2quart so the yarn could move freely but 1quart or smaller will work too you just might need to put in less yarn. You also need plastic or paper cups to mix dye in if you are mixing. If you are using an acid dye or even a Kool Aid you need gloves, and a mask.

I do recommend a scale but it is not necessary, 1 tsp of acid dye is usually = 1 gram but check the manufacturer documentation. If you are using food coloring or Kool Aid you don’t need special dedicated stuff at all.

You will also need an acid like white vinegar or citric acid. Kool Aid, and PAS easter pellets or other powdered drink mixes usually have an acid in them so you can use them as is but I always add a little extra acid for better color adhesion.

For plant based fibers you need a fiber reactive dye and a mordant like soda ash or alum . Procion has a Pro MX line. You can also dye with natural materials like indigo, madder, onion skins, marigold, avocado etc. Some people recommend soaking or boiling your fiber in your chosen mordant but tbh I’ve done it just throwing everything in the jar and had good results so 🤷‍♀️. You can get soda ash and alum on Amazon or other sources like Dharma Trading. For plant based dyeing you just put the leaves or roots depending on the material in the jar with everything. Natural dyeing takes A LOT longer than acid or fiber reactive dyes for solar dyeing but it’s still fun and MUCH better for environment.

For synthetic fibers like acrylic you have to use something like Rit. I don’t do this very often (or at all really) and have never solar dyed acrylic as I just buy acrylic yarn in the color I want when I use it, but I assume it would work the same? I cannot guarantee it though. I’ve also seen people use acrylic paint mixed with water to dye yarn, it just changes the texture slightly so your mileage may vary with synthetics. I don’t recommend using them though. You can get 100% wool, linen, bamboo etc at craft stores pretty easily now a days.

So now that you have your dye and your fiber let’s get dyeing!

Prepping the Fiber

Weigh your yarn. You can use a kitchen scale. This will help you figure out how much dye to use to get the shade you want. This calculator for acid dyes is great for figuring out how much dye stock solution you need. For Kool Aid or Food Coloring it’s just vibes based for me but someone has probably figured out the amounts. We’ll get there.

To prevent tangling I recommend tying your yarn off in the skein at regular intervals. You can see my purple yarn ties in the pic below. I also use reusable zip ties. If you buy yarn the skeins usually come pre-tied but I skein up my own yarn so yeah. I also will put a zip tie or large piece of yarn at either end to keep it orderly. You can also just put entire cakes wound up from a ball winder, or an entire skein from the store in the jar too though, you’ll get different effects from the natural resist of it being wound up but it’s super fun to see what happens.

Soak your yarn, if you want more color variation you can do it dry, that’s often how tonals and semi solids are dyed as the dye binds or “strikes” to the fiber at different rates so feel free to experiment. You can also presoak your yarn in an acid and water mixture for different effects as well. It’s all about experimentation! Even your dye can do things differently depending on if the dye “breaks”, that’s where different pigments make up the dye and will strike at different temps, the Purple Pop I used in this example is a dye that will break into blues and reds or different purples if I do different things with the heat. For natural you can soak in your mordant like alum or soda ash. You probably want to get more detailed instructions on amounts though, I just look it up when I do it as I never remember and it takes me forever to gather enough plant material so it’s only a once or twice a year thing.

In this example I soaked my yarn in plain water for about 30 minutes before I added any dye as I was going for a solid.

While your yarn is soaking you can mix your dyes!

Mixing Dye:

If you are using acid dyes you can add your dye powder directly to the water you are dying in until it looks like you want. I dip pieces of paper towel into it to get an idea of what it looks like color wise, or what I do for greater precision with different color saturations and to not waste dye is mix a dye stock solution.

It sounds scarier than it is. A dye stock solution is suspending the dye molecules in water to make a concentration of dye. My dye stocks are 1 part to 100 for a 1% solution. So for Dharma dyes I mix 1 gram (1 part) to 100ml hot water (100 parts). Once I have my dye stock mixed I can use that to determine how many milliliters of dye I want to introduce to my yarn. The calculator I linked can tell you how much for the depth of shade you want but for an example if I want a mid saturation at 2% for a 50g skein I would use 100ml of dye stock. If I want a much lighter shade at .5% I would only use 25ml. If I want just the regular color at 1% I use whatever the fiber weighs in ml, so 50ml for a 50g skein. The skeins above are 2% of Sour Apple and Purple Pop except for the lighter green which was .5% of Sour Apple. If I wanted pastels I usually do like .025%.

The calculation is Weight of Fiber x Depth of Shade for a 1% dye stock solution. You can make stronger dye stocks like 2 grams per 100ml for a 2% but I find just using 1% much easier cause math is annoying but the calculator will let you do that too.

For Kool Aid or Food Coloring just mix your color in water and dip in pieces of paper towel until it’s approximately the shade you want. It’s not 100 accurate as paper towel is different than your fiber but is pretty close, or at least gives you an idea if you have a deep shade or a pastel shade. If it’s too dark add more water, too light add more dye.

For natural dye you can’t really determine what shade you’ll get as plants have too many variables, there are some general guidelines for most common dye materials that can give you an idea though and generally less material is lighter and more material is darker.

The Full Process:

Weigh your yarn if you are trying to get a more precise depth of shade. Then you can use the calculations above to determine how much dye. If you are just playing you can skip this. If you bought skeins they usually tell you if it’s 100g or 25g etc so no need to weigh.

I filled my jars with plain water and put the yarn in (make sure it’s loose, I made the mistake with my first batch last weekend of accidentally leaving it twisted in the skein and it formed a resist, I just overdyed and still got some pretty skeins so nothing lost but if you want white spots or different depts of shade throughout feel free to add some resist by leaving it skeined or tying off sections like tie dye!).

When filling your jars remember we need room at the top to add dye and acid so just fill until the yarn moves freely, you can always top it off after. Can you tell I’ve made this mistake?

I let it soak for about 30 minutes while I prepared my dye stock.

Once my dye was mixed and my yarn had soaked I determined how much dye I wanted to use. Then just add the dye into the jar. I let my yarn sit in the dye without acid for another 30 minutes. I put the lid on and shook it up to make sure it penetrated all the yarn. Again, if you want different effects you can add the acid in now, don’t mix it, etc but for a solid you want as even coverage as possible.

Then I added the acid. I used 1/4 cup acid cause that’s what I always use for some reason but you can add just 1 or 2 tablespoons. I used white vinegar. I usually use a citric acid mix with water but I ran out. It doesn’t matter the vinegar smell fades.

I put my lid on, gave it a good mix and I was done. Now for the sun part.

What makes the dye bond to fiber is a proportion of acid, heat and time. With kettle dyeing in a pot on the stove or similar you introduce heat rapidly but in this case it’s not so much about the temp as it is the UV and time. You don’t have to put your jars in direct sunlight outside, a sun facing window is fine too. Your jars do need to be clear though.

I put mine outside. You can still solar dye if it’s overcast or even if it’s kinda cold it just might take more time.

Then just leave it! You’ll know it’s done when the water is clear, the yarn can make it appear like it’s not clear but pool it at the top of the jar to check on it.

This is called exhausting the dye, all the dye molecules have found a friend in the fiber and adhered to it. Some dyes do not exhaust completely, either because there is too much dye for the weight of fiber and all the molecules have already found their friend, or because of the dye itself. The Purple Pop is really bad about exhausting. If it’s been several days and you aren’t seeing a change it may be done, in that case just take your yarn out but add another skein in with some more acid, no need to waste it, you’ll get a lighter shade. I usually have a yarn mop for collecting non-exhausted dye. I just throw it in and see what happens, sometimes with many different colors.

The length of time you leave it out depends on a lot of factors, natural plant based dyes can take months, these acid based dyes took two days in Central FL but honestly the greens were exhausted in like 18 hours and the purple I didn’t see any change so I just took it out and put another skein in, its cooking now. I usually give my acid or Kool Aid dye projects no more than a week cause I’m impatient and always have had good results. Plant based I’ll leave for months.

After you remove your yarn you can dump the water. If I dump it outside I add a little baking soda to neutralize the acid, or just let it sit for awhile. I don’t like to dump it near water sources like wells or any food based gardens but have used it to water flowers and stuff. If using Kool Aid or food coloring you can do whatever. I’ve also reused my water for another dye if it’s totally clear or if I don’t care if there’s a bit leftover.

Then wash and rinse your yarn! I use Kookabura Wool Wash but you can use anything like Dawn dish soap. You may have a bit of bleeding depending on the color or none at all, just rinse and repeat until the water runs clear. If it’s a lot of bleeding and you are washing and rinsing and it just won’t run clear you can steam set it by wrapping it in plastic wrap while still wet and microwaving it or steaming it in a steamer basket like you would a vegetable. If you microwave just don’t burn your yarn! I do like 30 second intervals in the microwave until it’s hot to the touch but I rarely have to do this.

For non super wash wool or wool top/rocing that will felt you need to do this gently. Don’t run water directly on the fiber, handle it as little as possible, don’t introduce extreme temperature changes etc. The temp is less of a concern for solar though, that mostly applies to kettle where you go from hot to cold.

Then hang to dry! If you tied off your skein it should be tangle free, but you may need to shake or comb it a bit to get rid of curly bits. I use a dedicated salad spinner to really get it dry first then hang and it’s usually totally dry in a few hours.

And that’s it! Hope this helped, sorry it’s so long.

[shinygoldengun]

Tiktok Headcannons for the gang! Because i use that platform way too much

Hosea's tiktok is one of those old people's tiktoks who always duet people and gives honest, good advice. He's always responding to people, and likes comments about being people's dad or grandparent :) he also does lives (livestreams) of him doing crosswords every Sunday. Like a mix of elijahstroman7 and annrussell03.

Dutch's tiktok is one third failed intentional thirst traps, one third dueting women he likes with his unblinking face as the video, and one third political and philosophical rants.

Lenny's account is full of well-made videos about technology, news/politics, and literature/"booktok". His editing is top-notch and he has a large following! Lenny's followers love his sense of fashion, calling him a fashion Icon - some even draw fanart of him! He is verified, much to the annoyance of Sean. He has a side account just for his cat.

Mary-Beth's account is fandom anthropology (think, academia on fandom and fanfic but presented in layman's terms), fanfic culture, and cosplay.

Tilly has an aesthetic account. It's like a hidden gem; it's not popular or verified, but everyone who comes across it loves it. She posts various aesthetics, and takes requests! Her most popular tiktok is about yellow aesthetic. She also rarely posts tiktoks with her face in it, but they do well and the comments are nice :)

Karen is a fashion and make-up account. People love her creative looks and her outfit choices. She likes to do lives (livestreams) where she drinks, chats with the audience, and does her make-up.

Javier's tiktok is just him posting songs and song covers - his is the most popular out of the whole gang! Javier is verified, and has a merch store and a Spotify.

Sean has a combined shitpost/weirdtok/commentary account. He dances sometimes, too. His account is very eclectic, but has a small but dedicated following. Has been on tiktok the longest, but has the least followers and is not verified. Has a secret spam account that is much more popular about vlogging with his friends and the gang!

Abigail has a mom account, and posts crock-pot recipes. She's doing her best. Occasionally she posts a "lol my partner is incompetent 🤣" "funny" video and those get really popular.

John's account is all about animals he met on the street and weird situations he finds himself witnessing (e.g. a car riding on train tracks). He posts a lot about Cain, then Rufus. Dog person.

Arthur's account is very country? He talks about his horse a lot, and dances to country tunes. He has a series where he annoys members of the gang. Nothing he posts is something he hated doing; Arthur loves creating content!

Charles unintentionally makes thirst traps with his content of survival/bushcraft, cooking, and indigenous issues and culture. He's got a lot of thirsty followers, but a lot of genuine ones too. His cooking videos are very ASMR, and sometimes they spawn video chains of musicians jamming out to it.

Sadie is deep into political tiktok. She's avid about gun rights and is a feminist. She also shows herself working out a lot, and a large number of her followers are wlw.

Kieran's tiktok is about all the pets he has, whom he loves to bits. He's been asked for a face reveal, but he's too shy. There is a conspiracy that he's secretly The Rock.

Pearson has a tiktok cooking account, but its only about Barbecuing. He once tried to make a dish with vegetables, but users mass reported it for disturbing content and it got taken down.

Grimshaw has an account, but doesn't post. She just downloads everything she likes to watch later (she doesn't). One of her favorite accounts is a lady who talks about etiquette while cleaning silver.

Swanson has a tiktok, but its only about religion. He is nice and welcoming and great and courteous to everyone who asks! He loves talking about Exodus, Psalms, Job, Ezekiel, Acts, John, Philippians, Hebrews, and 1 Peter.

Strauss is big into business and is pro-capitalism, and flogs cryptocurrency and NFTs through tiktok. He also posts about the successful secrets of billionaires and the stock market. Blocks all those who disagree with his takes, and 9 times out of 10 doesn't allow comments on his videos. He got most of his followers during the GME craze. Is hurting quite a bit now that the NFT market has collapsed and crypto is on the downturn.

Molly doesn't have a tiktok - she thinks it's a terrible platform and beneath her. Prefers Instagram reels.

Bill doesn't understand tiktok well, so he doesn't post. But he is an avid commenter, often getting pinned or featured in "weird tiktok comments" compilations.

Micah keeps getting banned from tiktok. He doesn't understand how, but he does. Maybe it's all the gun videos he posts, or getting reported for his constant hate speech? Who knows!

[prince-koda]

koda's tips and tricks for depressive episodes

welcome to whatever this post is, i've been meaning to write this list down for myself as a compilation of all the tricks i've picked up from others; i figured i might as well just post this for everyone else who might want some new ideas for taking care of themselves.

FOOD TIPS

don't be afraid of single use cutlery, plates, or cups if you have problems getting to dishes before they get gross. i understand our climate issues, but it's not from normal people using single use, its from billionaires and corporations, so if you need it to help keep things clean, go for it. there are also more expensive options for compostable and recyclable single use products for those who can afford it! i don't only use single use things, but when start realizing i'm out of energy to take care of myself, i switch over.

keep SIMPLE foods on hands at all times. i like to keep things like peanut butter pretzels, uncrustable sandwiches, and applesauce for my 100% no effort meals. besides waiting for uncrustables to defrost, these are all open and eat things that can at least get something in your stomach which is VITAL for any and all humans, but those on medications shouldn't be taking their meds on an empty stomach. if you've taken antibiotics on an empty stomach, you can quickly find out how hard it is on your body, while other medications it might not be after a single dose, it still is hard on your body and the more doses you take on an empty stomach the worse you'll feel. ANY FOOD IS BETTER THAN NO FOOD, IF ALL YOU CAN EAT IS SOME BREAD, THEN EAT IT (i have not delt with an ed, i just have a low appetite from all the meds i've been on, so sadly i can't offer advice there)

a few other snacks or easy meals i like to have are steamable bags of veggies like broccoli and edamame. you microwave a bag, and season how you like, then you're done. don't let people scare you away from low nutritional value foods like a iceberg lettuce and some of the more basic salads like ready made caesar salads. while it might now provide as much in the way of calories or nutrients depending on all the fixings and dressing you use, simple salads that you just plop out of a bag into a bowl and eat, again are better than nothing! if it's something you like to eat that takes 2 seconds to make, cereal, sandwiches, etc. and you feel its not healthy enough, fuck it.

if you have the money, protein powder can be a good supplement if you have a low protein diet. depending on the brand and where you shop, a tub can cost anywhere from $30-$50 dollars, but large containers last a pretty long time in my experience (but i don't use daily or regularly at this point since i don't have money for the soy milk i use in it), but you can make them with any milk or milk substitutes OR just water. i like pb flavor, but they have loads from chocolate, vanilla, and even some cereal flavors like fruit loops and fruity pebbles. if you have the energy, large crock pot meals like chili can give you high protein left overs that only need to be reheated

my final little snack i love to promote is red bell peppers! i eat them raw, i just cut into strips, wash, and remove the seeds, and munch. they're full of insanely good nutrients and truthfully don't have an intense taste, so give them a try if you're a veggie fan.

CLEANING TIPS

if you cannot clean, don't. i live with a box of trash bags nearby at all times so i can simply throw out food (and my plates and such as talked about in the first bullet point of food tips). if i drink stuff like sodas or bottles shakes, i can also toss those out. leave the trash bag nearby and when it's full tie it off and take it out when you can.

even if it begins to overflow, try to keep all dirty laundry in one area, if you switch shirts, toss the shirt in the right area. as long as it piles up together, you don't have to search the whole room and/or bathroom for all of your laundry.

depending on your work or school situation, focus on only washing your sheets and comfortable everyday close / work or school uniforms. if you went out to a move and wore a cute shirt you don't wear often, keep it at the bottom of the laundry basket, focus on your frequently worn clothes! sleeping in clean sheets makes me feel better a lot of the time, but sheets aren't as important on the clothes you need when you leave the house.

i am horrible at showering when i'm having a depressive episode, but if you can convince yourself to have one at least once or twice a week, it can help you feel better. showering in general can help you feel better, cold showers are proven to release endorphins and help improve mental health (but i hate the cold so i do room temp at the lowest). it can be hard to find the energy to take care of yourself, but the boost you get from saying you did it and the science mumbo jumbo can help a lot.

along with showering, it can help be relaxing after school or work and can help you take a break from the world and what a lot of people forget is that a shower doesn't have to take long. a lot of AFAB people are familiar with "everything showers" which can make us feel that we're "behind" on getting properly clean so a shower shower can feel like a big commitment. I don't have long hair so that does changes the lengths of my showers slightly, but i can rinse up in about 5-10 minutes WHICH is only about 3-4 songs long at most. I rinse up with soap, try to soap up everything but focus on pits, crotch, and butt (this will also make you feel clean enough to go outside bc no one likes going in public if they feel stinky). If my hair needs it, i shampoo and condition. then i dry off, get dressed and, like i said before, it typically takes less time than a shorter youtube video (gotta hit that 10 minute mark for money)

mouthwash doesn't brush your teeth, but it can still help remove a lot of the bacteria that gathers in your mouth. a product i like A LOT is cocorange brite! you can find them online, that makes a really good deep clean toothpaste that helps remove tartar and plaque build up. 2floz is about 8$ before shipping! i use it along side regular toothpaste to help with taste and consistency since it's different since it's a natural brand and use only about a dot so it does last a good bit!

maybe someday i'll add more as i find more but those are the tips i try to follow when i can. life can be rough, so sometimes you make mistakes or your goals fall through, but all any human can ever do is try :)

this is also majorly unedited so if i make any mistakes, i apologize.

[theinternetisaweboflies]

Irony Poisoning Chapter 3 (Chapter 1)

Wednesday fell asleep halfway through the first post, which was longer than Enid expected her to last. Xavier and Bianca's on-again-off-again romance had gone off, especially after all the excitement of the school year. Enid could barely even maintain an interest for Yoko's sake, let alone a readership. She was thinking about adding a Dear Abby segment just to pad out the blog, but she wasn't exactly in a position to give advice on… anything.

Wednesday didn't wake up until Enid's luggage was delivered to her room. Enid felt guilty for not carrying it herself, especially considering how heavy it was. Even through Wednesday's heavy iron door, the crash was not insignificant.

"Did you pack the Poe Cup trophy, Enid?" asked Wednesday. "Be honest."

"No!" Enid said, a little too quickly. Wednesday arched an eyebrow, which meant she knew Enid had at least considered it. "I just packed a lot of supplies."

"Supplies?"

"You know. Tea, fuzzy socks… Your mom didn't say if you had a cold, or an infected arrow wound, or what."

"Nothing so exciting," said Wednesday. "Mother overreacted. As usual. My apologies, for your blog's sake."

"Can you read minds too?" asked Enid, before realizing that was stupid. She would know if Wednesday could read her mind. They wouldn't be friends anymore.

"What?" said Wednesday. "Don't be ridiculous, Enid. I've been keeping up with your blog."

"Oh." Enid cursed her fair complexion once again. She may have been downright ruddy compared to Wednesday, but Wednesday never blushed. "You should have told me. I wouldn't have read it to you again."

"That's okay," said Wednesday. "I wasn't listening."

Enid rolled her eyes. When they rolled in the direction of a taxidermied cuckoo clock on Wednesday's desk, she gasped. "It's almost seven already. Are you up for dinner with your family or do you want me to bring me something?

"Are you up for dinner with my family?" Wednesday countered.

"Wednesday, you need your-"

"Stop fussing," she interrupted. "I'm perfectly fine… You'll be fine too, I suppose. You've already met Mother, and she's the worst of them. Pugsley doesn't bite. Well maybe a little nip every now and then, but it's all in fun."

"I'm used to brothers," said Enid.

"You have my sympathy." Wednesday removed the hospital blanket, revealing the dress she had worn on her first day at Nevermore. It was just as hideous as Enid remembered. "Shall we?"

"Lead the way."

Wednesday led the way back downstairs and through the living room Enid had seen on her arrival. The bearskin rug growled as they passed over it.

"Oh, hush, Bruno," said Wednesday. "You've been so grumpy lately."

Bruno growled back, and Enid felt a little bit better about all the taxidermy.

The rest of the family was still seating themselves around a massive dining room table, having apparently just resolved some sort of issue involving Pugsley's choice of table settings.

"I was just trying to help, Mother."

"That is not appropriate for company." Morticia removed a carving knife from his hands and replaced it with a cleaver. "Hello, girls."

Lurch had already laid out the dishes, silver tureens and crock pots that crowded their dining room table. Enid eyed their bubbling lids a little nervously, but when he removed them with a flourish, her werewolf nose perked up.

"Tamales?"

"Squash and black bean," said Morticia. "I hope it's to your liking. I'm afraid I forgot to inquire about any dietary requirements when I called you on the cellular telephone."

"Oh, no worries. Werewolves will eat pretty much anything. Literally in my brothers' case."

Pugsley and Uncle Fester tucked in immediately. Enid waited a few minutes to make sure the Addams family wasn't going to say some Satanic version of Grace before serving herself.

"These are delicious, Mrs. Addams," she said, barely remembering to swallow first. Werewolf table manners could be a little lax. "Even better than the ones from the Mission District."

"Morticia, dear. Thank you kindly. It's an old Addams family recipe, but without the traditional water monsters. They're endangered now."

Gomez passed what was left of the chili sauce to Wednesday after drowning his tamales in it. "How are you feeling this evening, my little storm cloud?"

"Dismal," she replied.

Morticia clapped her hands together. "Almost back to your old self already. I knew a friendly face would raise your spirits."

"Pretty sure it was the pharmaceuticals," said Enid, "but thanks for the credit, M- Morticia."

"Drugs?" asked Uncle Fester.

"Just the over-the-counter-kind," said Enid, a little nervous once again. Maybe the Addams didn't use Nyquil for a reason. Other than the fact that it was invented in the last century.

Uncle Fester sighed. "Kids these days. Let me know if you ever want something stronger."

"Now, now, Uncle Fester," Morticia chided softly. "You haven't even asked about her allergies yet. Enid, dear, I do hope it wasn't too great an inconvenience to your family to part with you during the break."

"Oh, uh, it… wasn't?" That sounded wrong, so Enid kept going. "Actually, I was thinking about going to stay with Grandma for a while. After Grandpa passed away last year, Mom tried to send her to a farm upstate but Grandma still has a pretty good income from her haircare line, so she got a nice little apartment in the Castro."

Gomez clapped his hands. "How's he doing? He sent me a box of the finest cigars last month. Unmarked, of course, since the whole-" He made a throat-chopping gesture, "in '16, but I'd know those thighs anywhere."

"Different Castro, mon cher," said Morticia. At the term of endearment, Gomez abandoned his meal to kiss his way up her arm. She resumed eating left-handed.

It was strange to see a couple so clearly in love. Enid's mom always acted like she couldn't stand to be around her dad. Like they had some sort of shotgun werewolf wedding, when it was obvious who called the shots in their relationship.

"What's Alcatraz like?" asked Pugsley, apparently having restrained himself as long as possible.

"Pretty boring these days," said Enid, "but one of my uncles is a ranger who works there during the tourist season. He told me all the stuff they don't talk about on the tour. Did you know that in the 1930s, prisoners weren't even allowed to speak outside of mealtimes?"

"Barbaric," Pugsley's voice was awe-struck.

"It was one of the few prisons to offer hot showers, but only so the prisoner's would be less likely to swim for freedom," she added. Enid's tour of Alcatraz had been interesting, but it had also reminded her a little too much of the Lupin Cages. There were a couple of years back in middle school when her mom was convinced that sleeping in their family Lupin Cage every night would stimulate Enid's transformation. It took a case of pneumonia to convince her otherwise.

"Did anyone ever escape?"

"None confirmed," she said, in her best Wednesday impersonation, "but five escapees were presumed drowned, never to be seen again."

Enid's muse rolled her eyes, but Pugsley ate it up alongside his second helping. Brothers were easy.

"Will you girls be joining us for the evening séance?" asked Morticia.

"No," said Wednesday. "A sudden relapse has come on."

She did look a little paler, but that could have easily been her reaction to the thought of more family time.

"Enid?" said Gomez. "How about you? I have baby pictures of Wednesday."

"I require her company," answered Wednesday, before Enid could.

"To sleep?" asked Pugsley.

"Just admit you want to stay up late and braid each other's hair," said Enid.

Wednesday looked like she was going to be sick.

Sicker.

"Admit it." Enid would sacrifice her chance at baby pictures for the sake of her friend's pride, but she would not do it without demanding a tithe in return.

"My hair is perfectly fine," said Wednesday, "but I believe yours could use some improvement. Very well. I wish to braid your hair, Enid."

Enid had to take a third helping of tamales just to hide her blush. As always, Wednesday ended up extracting her own tithe, and it was in blood.

[chickyschoices]

Welcome to Chicky's Choices, where I share the foods I enjoy along my journey to finding a healthier and happier me. These are the things I've done; they may work for you, they may not. For years I have struggled with my weight, depression and multiple medical issues. I started this most recent path in February of 2023. I wanted to lose weight before having two scheduled surgeries in June 2023; lumpectomy of left breast and partial hysterectomy. I sought help from a weight loss doctor and with his guidance I changed my mindset and my diet. Along the way, I have realized that I needed to find alternatives to my favorites instead of eliminating the things I loved to eat. I try not to eat or drink anything artificial; no artificial dyes, or sweeteners. I also try not to eat or drink anything with high fructose corn syrup in it. I choose fresh fruits and veggies when I can over frozen or canned. I do some meal prep, but that is mostly because I work 5 days a week as well as tutor up to 3 days a week. I don't have time to cook a fresh meal each day so crock pot meals are a must for us. I try to eat something small (under 200 calories, potion control is important) every 2-3 hours, this is crucial, set a timer to remind yourself; I start around 6 am with breakfast and end around 6 pm with my biggest meal(I'm not sure of the calories of this meal to be honest, I focus on making sure it's healthy and well balanced). I end up eating around 5-6 "meals" or snacks a day and I have lost over 30 pounds. I still enjoy eating out with friends and family on occasion. I try to eat smart and enjoy my life and I hope my blog brings you joy and peace. If you have questions, feel free to ask them. I am not a nutritionist or licensed specialist. I'm just a woman trying to share what has worked for me and help anyone I can. Peace, love and blessings to you all. 💜

[mmoxie]

Part 1 - Overnights

The apartment smelled a little strong tonight. While Dani slept the daylight hours away, she had beef and broccoli going in the crock pot. She had a few spoonfuls right away, added some black pepper, and filled a tupperware container with enough to keep her going.

Seebs yowled for some, and she crouched on the kitchen floor to let him sample a spoonful. He selectively pulled a beef tip away from the other ingredients, purred his approval, and retreated to the warm spot on the bed while Dani got ready.

No dress code on overnights. Nobody to impress, nobody looking for the performance of retail-as-art. Just boxes and bottles and a whole lot of time. She grabbed a pair of thin headphones- cheap ones, with their distinctive brown-orange padding and thin silver band- and clipped an honest-to-goodness walkman to her back pocket.

Tonight, Evil Dead was on the menu. An expanded novelization, on tape. She was starting to pay a premium for these things- the internet was such bullshit- but filling her head with visions of Bruce Campbell and gallons of inky black corn syrup for ten hours sounded like a blast.

After filling a thermos with coffee- her old landlord had gifted her a French press, and she treasured it now- it was a five minute drive up Stantz Ave. to the corner of North and Gilbert. And there she was.

Wilson Titlee.

You deserve it.

She parked her '89 Taurus around back and let herself into the employee door with a two-pronged key. The kind you see on security pegs in pharmacies, but here it was on the back door, acting as if it belonged there.

She clocked in and got herself a cheese biscuit from the markdown rack, along with a sweet tea out of the case. She'd pay over lunch, when the self-checkout was turned on by a night manager.

"Put your little hand in mine," the overhead radio called to her, "there ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb..."

Sonny and Cher. And here came Bill Murray, rushing to the front of her mind to beat the shit out of the clock.

"Okay campers, rise and shine! And don't forget your booties 'cause it's COOOOLD out there!"

God damn it, she almost said it out loud. That cheese biscuit had saved her life, plugging her mouth up like that.

There weren't many people to talk to on overnights. You might see Craig, the freezer case guy, working out the ice cream or the Hungry Man dinners. Occasionally Kathy would make an overhead announcement about the self-check being open, or about the security system resetting.

Tonight, her only company was the homeside overnight manager, Pete. Peter Josta. She was patching some holes in the homeside freight schedule for some extra hours on her paycheck, and Peter had assured her, he had a "different way of doing things" and "ran a pretty tight ship."

Whatever, man. It's boxes of post-its and the occasional immersion blender.

She was happy to ignore him, put on her Evil Dead tape, and put her head down to work out a nice, heavy box full of tenpenny nails. Hardware felt just right for these shifts- everything was just a little heavier than you'd expect, and after ten hours of hoisting hammers or shelving buckets of roofing tar, her arms burned good.

Tim Curry was narrating, which always made her grin, and they had even got Bruce himself in the recording booth for a few extra-authentic pops of dialogue. She didn't notice for a full five minutes that Pete was right beside her.

"Hey. Hey!" He waved his hand in front of her face. Strike one.

She pressed Stop and slid her headphones down to the back of her neck.

"Something the matter, Pete? We got an early truck?"

"You're not supposed to wear headphones on the floor. It's a safety issue! What if you run into somebody because you're not paying attention?"

Run into somebody? Who in the fuck-

Gotta argue like he argues. Appeal to authority. An authority he can't follow up with.

"Oh, yeah, uh- my doctor says that I ought to do this. Audio therapy. Whale sounds, pan flute, chimes. I keep it low, but these late nights, working all quiet... it helps keep the mind peaceful, y'know?"

She could see Pete turning that appeal over in his head. He didn't like it. He had come over just to disturb her, and she could tell. This was a guy who usually wasn't in charge of anybody, but he was the "lead." So he should lead, right? He should be in charge. To be told no, that was galling, but... told no by the doctor, well...

"Just... be careful," he said through gritted teeth. "These kinds of things, safety rules, they're uh... you know, they're written in blood. We only get them because someone got hurt."

Dani regarded him with an easy, lopsided smile.

"Thanks for looking out, Pete. I'll keep my head on a swivel."

"You better," he concluded with a firm nod- and then he was gone, disappearing under the dim after-hours light to, Dani prayed, unpack the densest fucking box of pens imaginable.

As soon as he was out of sight, she and her old pal Bruce both said, "Groovy."

And then it was back to nails, screws, and fasteners.

Three hours, one tupperware of beef & broccoli, and six pallets of heavy homeside freight later, Dani was smiling her way to the clock. Many-a deadite had been righteously sawn in half, and all was right with the world.

She raised a hand to the timeclock, then heard her name.

"Dani, could I talk to you for a moment?"

The opening manager, Paula Green, wore a beige vest covered in company-approved pens, and was holding a clipboard. A break schedule, printed on extra-long paper, dangled from it.

Dani nodded and turned away from the clock, and waited for Paula to speak.

"I understand there was a bit of a fight last night. Is everything alright?"

What the fuck is she talking about?

"I didn't hear anything about a fight, Paula. I had my head down in Fasteners & Lumber near about the whole time. I miss something good?"

Paula's expression soured, and she tapped the cap of her red pen against the clipboard. "Pete tells me that you were insubordinate toward him."

Huh?

"I only saw Pete a couple times all night. You know something I don't?"

"He said you wouldn't take off your headphones? You know those are against policy, right, Dani? It's a safety issue. You don't want to put yourself at risk by limiting any awareness of your surroundings."

Dani felt herself deflate a bit, and she held her lips tight together for a moment.

"There wasn't any fight," she replied after a moment. "You know that's not my style. I like to get on my own and do some heavy lifting, and that's all I did for my money this past evening."

"Well, just don't let anything like this happen again, okay?"

"You writing me up, Paula?"

"No, no, just- it's just a verbal, it's not, y'know, disciplinary."

"Alright, well, I'm headed home. Don't have too much fun without me."

Dani knew she didn't sound pleased, but she tried to turn her grit teeth into a forced smile. Who could say if it worked? But she didn't follow up, she punched that clock and got moving before some other bullshit could come up and blindside her. If that was a fight, who knew what else was a fight under that roof?

She rolled down the windows and turned up the radio for the short drive home. Elbow Grease and Sparky were talking cars, after which there'd be a chock-a-block-with-rock commercial-free run of the heaviest hits of the 80's.

The heaviest hits? They got Maiden or Motörhead?

She sighed as Van Halen's "Jump" started to play. At least she was already pulling into the driveway. Heavy. Jesus.

Her phone chirped shortly after she got through the door. It was her good pal- at least at ol' Wilson Titlee- Mark LaGrange.

"hey. u wearin headphones? cmon dani now i gotta be a hardass about it. cant let paula see that shit, she sucks. skip em tonight alright, lets get the heat off"

Shitting Christ she didn't even have her shoes off yet.

She left Mark's text unanswered. She sucked at texting anyway. If anyone asked, that was reason enough why she didn't get back to him.

She needed about an hour to fall asleep, and she needed about seven hours of sleep. That left...

She squinted at the clock. 8:40 am.

She had about five hours to herself. Enough time to make some breakfast-for-dinner, take an extra-hot shower, and watch something.

She crouched and looked into the cabinet under the TV. She was running through the good stuff- Scorsese, Broderick, Moranis- and it was time to get into the really good stuff.

Hercules in New York. Schwarzenegger, '70.

Hell yeah. This is gonna suck.

<-Prev Next->

[gassybots]

Which d0n't st4rve characters do u find the hottest? Also could I maybe ask for gas headcannons of them?

OOH yea absolutely!

Tbh the only characters I really think heavily about are W3s and Wi1son and yeah i do have some epic gas HCs for them hehe (Mostly fart stuff for W3s and burp stuff for Wi1son bc that's how I roll)

W3s:

Has a sensitive stomach, legit the only food that doesn't give him intestinal distress is food cooked by War1y in his crock pot.

Tries so so SO fucking hard to be quiet about his gas, but only succeeds sometimes. He has more control over his burps than his farts, so he doesn't panic when he feels it moving up.

However, when it moves down, that's when he's like "oh shit" internally and tries to find a secluded spot to release it all.

Sound wise, it's not THE loudest out of all the characters (That honor probably goes to W1gfrid) but he's a pretty close second, and he HATES IT.

Very wet and bubbly farts, you would almost think he soiled himself, but he hasn't (not yet at least)

The weirdest part is, he never used to have this problem. I wonder what it is about the Constant that just. Inflicted him with such an issue.

Wi1son:

At first, he's SUPER embarrassed about his gas. He was raised to be a proper gentleman by his nanny, so he's got a firm grasp on manners.

However, its nearly all forcefully thrown out the window once he enters the constant. He can't afford to pay attention to his manners, he needs to focus on survival.

Once he finds a good food source, he became prone to stuffing himself, he was desperate and ate quickly, causing a lot of gastrointestinal buildup.

He would have huge belches that he would instinctively try to muffle, but as the days went by, his control would slip.

Not long after it all, he's practically a caveman at this point. Eating what he can, and then rattling off huge belches while rubbing his bloated stomach. Not shy about moaning afterward.

[undeadorion-archive]

Secret life hack if you have difficulties with energy or executive dysfunction: get a crock pot.

I have both issues. Often if I cook something moderately involved or takes an hour or more of being on my feet, I'm likely to feel too nauseous to enjoy what I made. And that's assuming I did everything right, didn't forget something, and didn't get distracted.

But with a crock pot, you just put stuff in there and then walk away. Then 6 hours later when you've completely forgotten you even put stuff in there, you start wondering who's cooking something tasty. And surprise! you made soup!

Bonus: The smell of food will remind you to actually eat.

Extra bonus: Leftovers! You don't have to cook again for several days!

[amusementofaprincess]

I swear my nana thinks I’m staying here because I want to and not because I’m not 100% ready to be on my own.

I could probably do my stairs at least once but i don’t think I’m up to cooking 3 meals a day for myself, plus I need to get groceries before I go back to my own apartment for good. And I’m waiting to see what my follow up CT scan says Thursday.

She acts like I should be doing all of the housework. I get tired going to small stores like dollar general! Not as bad as I did when I first got out of the hospital for the 3rd time but still.

And I do housework- i sweep the whole place every day, do laundry, and help with dishes. I also have pulled the trash when it’s not too full and feed her cat and mom’s dog.

She wants me to swiffer and bring the trash to the dumpster but she made the trash bags so heavy I can’t lift them either. And I told her I’d swiffer tomorrow, but she just made a comment about how she asked me to do it today. Her new swiffer is in the back of my mom’s car, which is currently at my apartment while she cuddles and feeds my babies.

I don’t think she understands that 1) I had MAJOR SURGERY 2) I had complications from said MAJOR SURGERY not once but twice 3) I have psoriatic arthritis and psoriasis - even with out the whole surgery issue some days I just can only do so much. But they cut open my whole stomach. My muscles are still getting used to be used as muscles and I think the abscess by my liver is still there because sometimes it hurts.

And she makes me feel bad that mom is taking care of my animals. I know doing my stairs is hard for my mom - I tell her she can skip a day since she always leaves them plenty of food and water - but she LIKES spending 2-4 hours over there. She gets to cuddle my cats, who she loves, gets alone time and gets to pet my rats, who she is less scared of as time goes on.

My goal is to be home by new years and I will be. My mom said she’ll come over a few times a week (or more) and help me out. And I am working on a grocery list that is basically all crock pot meal ingredients. My plan is get my mom to help me pre-prep a bunch and toss them in the freezer.

But this woman is driving me insane. I am not here to be your maid. I am trying to help as much as I can but if I do too much I’ll never ever better.