#just! really tire d of this in-between back n forth shit thats going on and i know shes havingn a rough week btu im hurting too cuz of it
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mapleshmaple · 6 years ago
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#why is it that 3am exclusively is lovey dovey bitch hours and also 'i wish i were dead or of better use to my mom' hours#gghjkhmh like!!!! ok brain i get it its ffuckign impossible to make money/make a living off of the things i love/enjoy and this fuckgin#shit show of a country is in goddman shambles and im more likely to fuckgin die in the next year or so before all the good change actually#fuckgin happens and my body will give out due to stress at work and bc im not ufkcing taking care of myself and i get it!!!!!!!!#i ufkcing hate tht im like this constantly!!!!!!! i fuckign hate that im in such a fuckign in-between state that im practically ufkcing usel#ess and fuckign stupid and im so ufkcing tired i jsut wanna scream and ufkcing tear my hair out and beat the shit out of ymself cuz i deserv#e to have my shit kicked in for nto being enough and for nto doing enough and im so fucking frustrated with myself and in general#mmy mom ekeps bouncing between being a really sweet person/parent andn making me feel like absolute fucking trash andn im#just! really tire d of this in-between back n forth shit thats going on and i know shes havingn a rough week btu im hurting too cuz of it#andn im tired of the fucking' that s the way life is' excuse its such a fukcing flimsy and dumbass excuse andn i hate it im so tired#like i udndo if what im feeling counts as something or meanss anyhing/is valid for lack of better wording or if im jsut fucking#being stupid n dumb andn overrdramatic for the fuckign upteenth time bc im a stupid ufcking dumbass idiot thats just a waste of space
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likeadrug-ff · 6 years ago
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T H R E E . O N E
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L O N D Y N 
I smacked my teeth as my phone was going off the hook. Somebody was blowing me up so much that it fell off the nightstand. I roughly threw the covers from over my head and felt for my phone. Once I had it, it started to ring again. “What took you so long?” I sighed and threw myself back on the bed. “Maybe ‘cause I was sleeping boy.”
It had to have been at least two or three in the morning. It was still dark as fuck out. “Wake up mama.” I rolled onto my stomach and wrapped one arm around my pillow. “Im up baby, whats the matter?” I asked. “Im bout to come through after I make this slam,” I kind of left out the part about him being deep into the drug business. 
He started dealing our senior year of high school. I was the first to know and of course I didnt like it one bit. I begged him everyday to let it go but he was determined to make his money. “Ima be there in a hour.” I hung up and threw the phone next to me and drifted back to sleep. 
I felt a strong pair of arms slide around my bare waist and I instantly melted. My man was finally here. “You better not have no shit in my room.” He hugged me from behind and I felt that he was only in his boxers. “Only my book bag and weed.” Just when I thought I was going back to sleep he started grinding his dick onto my ass. I whined and tried pushing him back.
“Im tired Kaiden. Its four in the morning and I just went to sleep at one.” He went to leaving passion marks on my neck while using one hand to roll my nipple between his fingers. “Let me just slid in real quick. I need to bust.” Being that I was completely naked he grabbed my leg, lifted it in the air and pulled his dick out. 
He went to rubbing his dick all in my wetness and around my clit. His dick was so thick and long and I thought it was the prettiest thing in the world. “K-Kaiden.” 
Kaidens grip on my leg tightened as he pushed into me causing me to moan and shudder. “Its gon’ be quick mama.” Our bodies moved as one as he picked up his speed. “Dont stop. Dont..fucking..stop!” He covered my mouth as he pounded me from the back with no remorse. I was close. I felt it coming and so could he. In a matter of minutes we were both cumming. 
“Best quickie of my life.” He was practically panting breathlessly. “Aight you can go to sleep now.” Kissing me roughly on my cheek he pulled out but stayed close behind me. 
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“Lon baby? Its mama.” She knocked softly and I scurried out of bed. Kaiden huffed and turned on his stomach covering his whole body. I snatched my silk robe off the door and opened the door as I tied the straps. “Good morning.” I cleared my throat. “Hey mamas Rosey,” I had to side eye her. “I made everyone breakfast sandwiches. Including Mr. Kaiden.” She gave me her best ‘I knew it’ face. 
“Im going to be staying the night at the hospital, please dont forget to study. I need you to be ready before we can put you in the field mamas.” My mom is the head pediatric nurse and she took her job very serious. “I’ll get on it.” She kissed my cheek and said her I love yous before leaving the house. I closed the door and cleaned up the sprawled clothes from the floor. 
“Yo ya ass is moving like crazy.” I turned to see that Kaiden was now woke and watching my every move. “You look so beautiful, I heard moms cooked.” He clapped his hands together and rubbed them together afterwards. “Whats the plans for tonight? Why you aint talkin’? Oh cat got ya tongue huh?” I stood completely still. Its too early for these questions. Like I just woke the fuck up. 
“Im working all day, both jobs. I wont get home until its time to get ready for Loryns grand opening.” I raked my hands through my hair and walked back to the bed. He sat up against the headboard and patted his lap. Of course I made my way to him and got comfortable. “My lil brotha coming in town so I gotta pick him up, get him situated and then we’ll be on our way here.” 
“Sounds good?” I nodded my head then kissed him quickly before getting up and getting ready for work.
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K A I D E N
“Move the fuck out the way then bitch.” I grumbled when some old bitch honked her horn at me. I was speeding towards Lolanis school. She called me at the last minute asking if I could come pick her up. Rolling up to the exact spot she sent me I seen her arguing with some nigga. So me being me, I immediately threw the car in park and jumped out making sure to slam the door.
Heads turned in the process but I aint give not one fuck. “Whats da problem?” When I say she looked back like she seen a ghost. I had to keep myself from laughing man. “What-How did you even get here that fast?” Who ever this nigga was , was grilling the fuck out of us. “So this the nigga that got you ignoring me? Must’ve been why you broke shit off too huh?” Lil Lo got a man? Well shit, had a man.
“Omari you know exactly why I ended shit between us! You think you can have your cake and eat it too? You had a whole baby on me and didnt give a shit to even tell me!” Well this shit here is awkward. I aint know if I should say something or just wait in the car. This what my ass get for getting out in the first place rather than just letting her know that I was here.
“Aye..Ima just go wait-” Lolani quickly held her hand up. “Its not gonna take long. So you’re just gonna stand there looking dumb?” I wanted to laugh but it wasn’t the right place nor time. Well neither was this argument they were having but hell, shit happens.
Right when I thought we could walk away he decides he want to start talking. And of course I couldn’t help my overly dramatic sigh. “Look Im sorry aight? I aint.. I aint mean to hurt you Lani.” I probably looked bout crazy going back and forth between them. “You aint no fucking sorry!” She made us both jump back as she bucked at him and talked through clenched teeth.
“You’re sorry that I found out. You’re sorry that we can no longer fuck and chill anymore! Im done Omari. I wish you the best of luck with your child and everything but please, Im begging you to please leave me alone ok?” She turned and strolled to the car with me on her heels.
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L O L A N I
Heartbroken. Shattered. Fucked. I dont know how to feel at this moment. Omari was my first everything and I just cant believe he would do something like this to me. But he did. The ride to my house was very much silent like I needed it to be.
I needed to get my thoughts together. Try to understand this whole thing. The only man I’ve ever loved and let explore my body has betrayed me. “You aight Lil Lo?” This nigga just had to ruin the peace and quiet. I picked at my nails and shrugged. “No but I’ll be fine. I get over it one day.” When I looked over at him he gave me a small side small. “You will.”
Why couldn’t Omari be like Kaiden? Even before he made things official with Londyn he was always loyal and true to her in their friendship. “You have any brothers?” He screwed his face then we both busted out laughing. “Ok ok, take me serious Kaiden.” He was in the middle of rolling a backwood as we sat at the red light.
“I do, hes suppose to be coming down tonight for Loryns grand opening.” He licked the wood closed and searched for his lighter. Looking up he saw that the light had turned green and proceeded down the road. “But if you’on mind me saying, Ion think its a good idea to just try to jump into something new after what I witnessed today.”
I crossed my arms and looked out the window. “Just like ya stubborn ass sister. Just hear me out Lil Lo aight?” He sparked the blunt before talking again. “Today you only got a lil taste of how grimey niggas can really be. I just feel like you should focus on yaself and school right now. Dont get me wrong we all wanna see you happy and living life, but dont rush it. Thats all Im saying.”
I sunk in my seat. “Fine. At least let me meet him.” He gave me a thumbs up and hesitated on passing me the blunt. I laughed and took it from him. Just because Im a college girl doesn’t mean I dont have my fun. Just as he pulled in the drive way we finished the wood. “Thank you again Kaiden. Please dont tell Londyn about this, I’d never hear the end of it.”
I smiled and patted his shoulder before letting myself out. Letting myself into the house I headed up the stairs and straight to my room. Being a pastry chef was not easy. Some days I have to work overnight and sometimes I dont get a break. I went to pick out some set of bra and panties. Then I gathered everything I needed for a nice hot bubble bath.
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