#junhao action

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Seoksoo - imperfect - Part 1 - Chapter 20 - I Love You

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 6.9k words

Chapter 20 - I Love You

   “I’m so glad we’re done with finals!” Mingyu groaned in relief, tossing his backpack on the other side of the apartment. Seokmin and Seungkwan followed behind, Seungkwan following Mingyu’s action, but not as violently. Seokmin simply tossed his bag at his feet. “Christmas break, here I come!”

         “I still need to finish Christmas shopping.” Seungcheol spoke, scrolling through the internet for things he could hopefully still order in time to wrap for the holidays. Mingyu rolled his eyes.

         “Seokmin, is everything ready for this weekend?” Seokmin nodded.

         “Yeah. I got one of the bigger rooms so everyone can fit!”

         Seungcheol smiled. “Can you tell Mingyu to throw me nice parties like this for my birthday?” He teased, earning a playful shove from his boyfriend.

         “I’ll be able to afford nice parties when you finally stop keeping me from my dream job of being a stripper.” When Seungcheol whipped his head around, Mingyu smirked, leaning over the back of the couch on his elbows.

         “You said we were done with that conversation!” Seungkwan and Seokmin shared a glance as the duo bickered, Seokmin unable to hide his amused grin while Seungkwan’s face resembled something closer to slight disgust.

         “Anyway.” Seungkwan turned to Seokmin. “Is Joshua-hyung excited?”

         “I hope so.” Seokmin scratched the back of his neck. “I just want it to be nice. It must be hard to not have family around for your birthday.” Seungkwan nodded, nestling closer to his friend, almost as if he was about to share a personal secret just for the two of them.

“Are you going to do it?”

         Seokmin needed a second to register what he was just asked. “Sorry. What?”

         “Tell him how you feel.” Oh. “Before the break starts and you don’t see him for like…three weeks.” Seungkwan was right. With Seokmin being home for Christmas and picking up extra hours when he came back, who knew when he would see Joshua over the break. This night together might just be his last chance. Seokmin’s cheeks turned redder the closer Seungkwan leaned against him. “What was it you said? “It’s in the books! I’ll confess if I get the lead!” or something?” The younger grinned, a mischievous glint in the smile. “I’m only trying to keep you honest, Hyung.” 

         “Ah. Well…” he was at a loss for words, Seungkwan cementing his unannounced victory with a proud hum. Seokmin only offered a little chuckle. “I know what I’m going to do…”

         That was a lie, but Seungkwan thankfully didn’t press him for any further information.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

           “You’re not putting me in a blindfold, Seokmin.” Joshua seemed pretty adamant as the duo stood outside of Seokmin’s apartment. The younger frowned, holding up the black handkerchief.

         “What? Why?”

         “Many reasons. One: we aren’t at the karaoke bar yet. Two: I’ll get motion sick on the car ride. Two and a half: I’m driving. Three: I already know where we’re going. Four: I’m not into that.” Seokmin blushed at the last reason. Defeated, he stuffed the handkerchief in his pocket. “Sorry.” Joshua smiled. “Ready to go?”

         Seokmin nodded, and the duo made their way to the car.  Seokmin sank into the passenger’s seat, looking up at the sky as Joshua set the car into reverse and pulled from the parking space. The sky was cloudy today, tones of gray bunched together overhead. “I heard it’s supposed to snow tonight.”       

         “That’d be nice.” Joshua hummed. “I’d love some snow for Christmas. It doesn’t snow often in Los Angeles. The weather’s too warm.”

         Seokmin caught Joshua leaning forward against the steering wheel a bit, peering out the window when they slowed to a stop. “Well, then I’m sure it’ll snow this year.”

         Joshua smiled. “I hope so.” He continued following the GPS to the karaoke bar, while Seokmin was getting messages from his friends as they arrived. Jeonghan and Nayeon went to pick up the cake, Mingyu and Seungcheol arrived to secure the room, and Seungkwan and Hansol were setting up the decorations. Seokmin had left his birthday gift in the apartment, as a back-up to keep Joshua with him a few extra minutes, in case he didn’t say anything while they were out. “I’m really excited for this.” Joshua admitted. “I can’t remember the last time I really had a birthday party.”

         “You don’t?” Joshua shook his head.

         “I mean, I had friends over in high school. My parents always took me on a trip over Christmas break. But I think I stopped having birthday parties when I was maybe 12 or 13.” He shrugged. “We just stopped planning them. So, I’m excited.”

         “I hope I made it a good one, then.” Seokmin leaned back in his seat. Joshua chuckled.

         “Trust me, whatever you have set up will be great!”

         Most of the group had already arrived by the time Seokmin and Joshua found a parking spot. Heading inside, the first thing he saw was Seungkwan perched on one of the chairs, sipping his iced coffee and scrolling through his phone. When he heard the door open, he smiled. “Finally! We were waiting!” He hurried up to the duo. “Everything is set – you said he’d been blindfolded!”

         “You told everyone you were blindfolding me?” Joshua smirked when Seokmin looked away, face blooming red in  embarrassment. He stuck his hand out. “Give me the blindfold.”

         “No, forget it, you’ll be surprised anyway.” Seokmin said simply. Joshua chuckled under his breath, reaching out to take the others hand in his own before Seungkwan motioned them down the hall. Seokmin thanked the worker at the front desk, and the trio entered the room.

         With Seokmin picking up a few extra hours at the store, and dipping a bit into his summer savings, he was able to book one of the bigger, nicer rooms in the karaoke bar. The lights were dimmed a bit, a slight blue hue transforming it into an underwater wonderland. Mingyu and Seungcheol were stringing up the last of the balloons on the far corner, while Vernon and Nayeon were laying out the snacks. Jeonghan was resting on the couch behind Nayeon, leaning forward and guiding verbally, almost dictating where everything should be placed until Nayeon nudged him and he giggled. Junhui and Minghao were already skimming through the book of songs, Minghao showing a visible look of confusion at whatever it was Junhui was suggesting.

         “Wow.” Joshua smiled. “This is so cool!” Seokmin immediately felt a sense of pride, any worry of Joshua’s reaction melting away within seconds. With newfound confidence, he headed to greet Jeonghan, the duo sharing a quick hello. Seokmin saw Nayeon hop up and hurry over.

         “My friends are on their way. Thank you for saying they could come.”

         Seokmin grinned. “Of course! The room holds a lot of people. Besides, Jihyo and Dahyun are my friends, too. I’m glad they were able to come.” Nayeon gripped Seokmin’s hands happily, finally leaning in.

         “Joshua looks so happy! I think this is going to go so well, Seokmin.” She was beaming; the positive energy radiating onto Seokmin immediately. “You two are so cute!”

         “Oh, come on!” Seokmin gasped. A sudden pat on his shoulder, and he turned to see Seungkwan. He was already passing him a microphone.

         “Are we going to stand around looking hot or are we going to sing?” He asked. Seokmin took the microphone and, with a flash of an eager grin, the boys headed to the Ipad that allowed them to choose their songs.

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         It didn’t take long for the room to unfold into complete chaos. Seokmin had taken a step back a few songs in for Chaeyoung and Dahyun to have a turn. The duo was singing a Taylor Swift song at the top of their lungs, encouraged by all of their friends cheering and screaming the lyrics along with them. Seokmin was watching from the couch, waving a glow stick prop alongside Vernon. He felt a nudge to his leg, turning to see Joshua lean over to him with one of the song menus.

         “What are you going to sing?” His voice was low as he leaned in close, sending a shiver up Seokmin’s spine. Lovestruck eyes darted from Joshua’s lips to his hands, then up to his eyes, then his lips, followed by his toned chest and those lips, and-.

         “Uh, I don’t know.” Seokmin turned back to the performance in front of him. “I haven’t picked yet.” Joshua looked over at him and Seokmin could have sworn he saw an amused smirk on the other’s fucking lips. Chaeyoung and Dahyun’s song came to an end, and the room erupted into applause as the score flashed on the screen.       

         “80?!” Chaeyoung’s eyes widened. “No way! This thing’s rigged!” Dahyun laughed behind her hand.

         “It’s not a Taylor Swift fan!” Dahyun pointed to the screen. Slightly annoyed, the duo turned to the couch, offering up the microphones. “Who wants to go next?”

         Seungkwan stood up, grinning at Seokmin. He took microphones and immediately handed one off. “I think it’s time. Shall we?” he asked. The glint in his eyes immediately translated to Seokmin. Maybe it was because they had been roommates for two years, or that they were the ones most likely to frequent karaoke bars together, but the hive mind was working, and Seokmin shot up like a bullet.

         “We have to!” He said. A chuckle behind him, and he turned to see Joshua popping a few potato chips in his mouth. 

         “What are you singing?” he hummed.

         Seungkwan spoke up for both of them. “Candy in My Ear by Baek Ji Young and Taecyeon!” Joshua hummed, his face indicating he hadn’t heard of the song before.

         “It’s our go to karaoke song.” Seokmin added. Joshua nodded, leaning back in his seat.

         “Taecyeon is so beautiful.” Nayeon sighed to herself.

         “Tell me about it.” Jeonghan said, the couple high-fiving in their shared attraction to the idol. Seokmin and Seungkwan pulled the song up as Mingyu passed over a comically large pair of sunglasses to Seokmin.

         “You’ll need these.” He grinned. Seokmin took the orange glasses, putting them on. He heard the snap of a camera, turning his head to see Joshua holding his phone. He was grinning.

         “You look so cute!” He called. He had grabbed a glow stick from the table, holding it up with Vernon, Junhui, and Minghao in support of the duo. Seokmin blushed, turning back to the large TV as the song began. The second the first few notes began, Seungkwan looked at Seokmin with confident eyes.

         “Choreography?”

         “I’d be offended if we didn’t.” Seokmin grinned. Almost immediately following Seungkwan’s very high-pitched ‘La La La’s, Taecyeon’s verse started up and Seokmin put the microphone to his mouth to sing. The room broke into a mix of laughter and cheers almost immediately, and Seokmin’s entire body swelled with a rush of adrenaline. He was in his element right now, everything felt great. He watched Seungkwan approach him dramatically, and without missing a beat, pressed himself up against Seokmin so they could dramatically step in time together and share one microphone to sing.

         Saranghae (Saranghae)

         I love you (I love you)

         Seokmin saw Seungkwan shoot him a suggestive glance, and he laughed behind the microphone for a second. Then, the youngers eyes shot a glance at the couch, and following it meant Seokmin was staring directly at Joshua. He was grinning behind his hand, one leg crossed over the other as he watched the performance in front of him. Seokmin looked back to his singing partner as the second verse approached and Seungkwan prepared to dramatically press up against Seokmin one more time.

         Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the fact that it was dim in the room. Maybe it was Seungkwan’s constant motioning over to Joshua without any of the audience noticing. Maybe it was because Seokmin had the most confidence when he was singing with no constructs. Nobody was judging him right now, or ranking him for a role. He could just perform. Maybe it was all of those things, or maybe it was none of them, but when Seungkwan got close, for the next verse, he felt a surge of confidence hit him in the chest.

         Saranghae (Saranghae)

         I love you (I love you)

         When Seokmin uttered the echo in his verse, he turned to the audience, shooting a finger heart in Joshua’s direction. The older one’s eyes widened, going slack jawed as Junhui and Seungcheol began shoving him and screaming, as if he were just perceived by his favorite idol. Even in the dim lights, Seokmin saw his cheeks burn pink. A gummy smile broke on Vernon’s face as he leaned into Mingyu, body shaking in a fit of laughter. Seokmin’s cheeks immediately turned red, focus redirecting back to the screen in front of him. Not before he caught the stunned grin on Seungkwan’s face. The rest of the song was performed as expected, with choreography and dramatic singing. However, when the song ended and the room erupted into applause, Seokmin covered his face. Seungkwan hurried up to him and shook his shoulders.

         “That was so fucking smart!” There was glee in Seungkwan’s voice. “That was so cute!”

         “I cannot believe I did that! I think I blacked out.” Seokmin whispered. “Is he staring?”

         “Oh, hell yeah. He looks lovestruck!” Seungkwan whispered. “Look at you go!” Seokmin put the microphone on the table, the duo turning towards their score as it flashed. “100!” Seungkwan grinned, turning back to Seokmin. “As usual!” 

Seokmin looked at the score and the cheering female model beside it. Maybe he was overthinking, but her repeated thumbs up motion felt directed at him. But not for the performance. He needed to sit down. Turning to the couch, he was stunned at what he saw.

Chaeyoung and Mina were cuddled on the couch beside Sana, whose legs were outstretched over Jihyo’s lap. Tzuyu was cross legged beside them. Nayeon had pulled her own legs up to her side as she leaned into Jeonghan, who literally just put two bowls of chips beside him. Mingyu and Seungcheol -broad as they are - had no problem taking up a lot of space on the couch. Seungkwan sat beside Vernon, nestled close with the others’ arm draped behind him. Junhui and Minghao were shuffling to claim the far corner of the couch. That only left Seokmin with two spots…..

Both beside Joshua. 

Mentally cursing his friends, he plopped himself down on the couch, and Joshua immediately leaned against him. He looked over and saw the older grinning.

         “You did great!” He said. “That was really good!” Maybe it was because he was already overstimulated with what he just did, but he could have sworn Joshua had hearts in his eyes, staring at Seokmin with endless fondness.

         “You think so?” Joshua nodded. “Thank you…” Despite his heart running a million miles a minute, he couldn’t help but smile as the next song got started.

“Oh, and you still have the glasses on.” Joshua pushed the orange glasses up Seokmin’s nose a bit. Seokmin laughed shyly. “Take a photo.” He grabbed his phone, pulling it out and opening up his camera to focus on himself. He snapped a quick picture of himself in the glasses. Almost immediately, Joshua leaned his head in, holding up his glow stick and smiling. Seokmin chuckled a bit, snapping a few pictures of the both of them as well.  Joshua chuckled. “I like that one. Send it to me.” Seokmin nodded.

As the song played, Joshua handed him one of the props on the table, and set one of the bowls of chips between them. When Seokmin opened his mouth to question, Joshua put his finger to his own lips. “These are my favorite chips. I’m only going to share them with people who tell me they love me in song.”

The low, borderline flirtatious tone Joshua used when he leaned in close made Seokmin almost internally combust, and he immediately turned his gaze back to the girls as they began singing because if he looked at Joshua any longer, he might just give a full Shakespearean confession right then and there in front of everyone.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The rest of the night continued in the same fashion: a microphone rotating among the couch so everyone could sing. All different types of genres were thrown around; from well-known pop songs to drama OSTs to western musical artists, the room was buzzing with music and cheers for hours. Seokmin’s throat was scratchy by the time they had to vacate the room, exhausted from all of the singing he did. Luckily, there wasn’t much food left, and most of the garbage was easily discarded as they headed out.

Nayeon’s friend group split from the group once the night came to an end, warm holiday wishes spreading through the crowd with a few hugs. Jihyo and Dahyun squeezed Seokmin just before heading out the front door. “Good luck.” Jihyo whispered to him. Seokmin blushed a bit, nodding his head. He mouthed a little ‘thank you’ when he saw Joshua approaching to say his own farewells to the girls. Seokmin caught Dahyun offer him a supportive thumbs up and a grin. His mind flashed back to that female karaoke model.

The group exited the karaoke bar around midnight just in time for the first specs of snowflakes to flutter down from the thick, gray clouds. Seokmin’s neck craned up to look, the sound of his friends excited murmurs fluttering around him. His first thought was to turn to Joshua, but his attention was grabbed by Seungkwan.

“Aw, no. My gloves have a hole in them.” There was a pout on his friend’s face as he tugged the gloves off and stuck them in his pocket. His friend was not fond of the cold by any means, complaining about the chilly weather since the first leaf fell of a tree in October. Seokmin immediately tugged his off, passing them over. Seungkwan seemed confused for a second, but Seokmin only pushed them closer. 

“Here. I’ll be okay.” Seungkwan glanced at Hansol, the same idea seemingly in his head as his gloves were already half off. “Oh.”

Any tension that may have threatened the trio was melted away almost immediately when Seungkwan reached out and took Seokmin’s gloves, slipping them on his hands. “Thanks, Hyung.” His smile was full of fondness.

“Of course.” Hansol was already slipping his gloves on, seemingly unphased. “Now you two can hold hands.”

“We would’ve done that anyway.” Seungkwan chimed, wasting no time interlocking his newly gloved fingers with Hansol’s. 

With his hands immediately exposed to the chill of the snow, Seokmin watched as a snowflake fell onto his hand, evaporating against the warmth of his skin. Making the rest of his body warm by fixing his scarf and jacket, Seokmin balled his hands together.

         “Ah…hyung!” He turned to Joshua, who was still staring up at the snow as it fell around him. Seokmin fell quiet for a second, the view before him enough to distract from his chilled hands. Straight out of a painting, Joshua’s side profile as he took in the sight of the snow was breath-taking. Wide, doe-eyes watched each snowflake fall around him, enveloping him in a serene and beautiful winter wonderland. When Joshua finally turned to him, Seokmin smiled a bit, taking his arm. “It’s snowing! Like you wanted!”

         “I know.” His smile was equally as big. “Maybe I should be a meteorologist or something. Add it to that growing list of random skills I’ve been accumulating.” Seokmin laughed a bit. Joshua looked down at the hand still wrapped around his arm. “Your gloves.” He pointed out. “Your hands are going to be cold.”

         “I’m okay.” He assured. “Seungkwan’s had a hole in them.”

         “Last time you said you’d be ok, you got sick.” Joshua frowned. A deep groan escaped Mingyu’s throat, interrupting Joshua’s worries.

 “I’m starving. Do you think there’s any street vendors open still?”

         “We just ate non-stop for like four hours.” Vernon stared up at the taller male in shock. Mingyu only laughed a bit.

         “I think there’s a Bungeoppang vendor a few blocks back.” Seungcheol chimed in, grinning when he saw the excited look on Mingyu’s face. The idea of a delicious red-bean fish cake seemed to be agreed upon for most, and they followed Seungcheol’s directions to the vendor.

         The walk was filled with idle chatter mainly about the night of karaoke and how delicious the cake was – Jeonghan cheekily said ‘you’re welcome’ when that came up. As they walked, Seokmin simply listened. Not because he had nothing to say, but because he wanted to. The night thus far had been perfect, and hearing everyone else agree made his heart swell with pride. He rubbed his hands together, feeling the chill of the winter air once again. Everyone else around him were either holding hands like Seungkwan and Vernon, or linked arm and arm like Nayeon and Jeonghan. He looked down at his own hands, stuffing them into the pockets of his jacket.

         A tap on his shoulder, and when he looked over, Joshua was pulling off his glove. He passed it over, and Seokmin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Take it. For that hand.” He motioned to Seokmin’s right hand. Despite still being confused, he slipped the glove on and held his hand up, wiggling his finger. Joshua laughed in amusement, but wasted no time taking his own gloveless hand and interlocking it with Seokmin’s, slipping them into the pocket of his own jacket. Seokmin’s face flushed almost immediately, feeling his hand warm up almost instantly when the pad of Joshua’s thumb swiped over his knuckles.

         “Alright, that was smooth.” Seokmin said shyly. Joshua grinned proudly as Seokmin settled close to his side. The group arrived at the vendor, where an older gentleman eagerly welcomed the large crowd of college students. Seokmin watched from the back as his friends ordered.

         “I’m going to get the chocolate one.” Joshua said. “You?”

         “I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish an entire one.”

“Yeah, me either after all that cake. Want to split one?” Seokmin nodded his head in agreement, watching as Joshua leaned forward to order for the both of them. Seokmin noticed Junhui and Minghao offering sly grins in his direction as they nibbled on their own pastries.

         Their fingers brushed together when half of the pastry was handed over, Seokmin’s skin feeling as though it was on fire despite being exposed to the cold. When he took a bite, the pastry tasted much more delicious than he could have ever imagined, but maybe that was because he was enjoying it with Joshua. The older glanced over at him. “It’s good!” Joshua gasped.

Yes, that was definitely what made it taste particularly delicious.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The groups parted for good once returning to the karaoke bar parking lot, saying their final farewells and birthday wishes to Joshua before scattering for the holidays. Seungkwan nudged Seokmin when the two of them were alone. “I’ll go home with Vernon, okay?” he grinned.

         Seokmin couldn’t help but smile back. “I don’t need to know that.” Seungkwan’s grin immediately fell to an unamused glare.

         “Okay, rude. I was going to wish you good luck, but-.” Seokmin laughed a bit, tugging Seungkwan into a friendly side hug that was warmly returned. “But honestly, you don’t even need it. You basically confessed already.”

         “Oh, jeez.” Seokmin bushed as the memory flooded into his brain again. “That was not how I wanted to do it.” Seungkwan laughed in amusement, rubbing his hyung’s shoulder in reassurance.

         “I’m sure the actual one will be just fine too. I don’t think Joshua’s stopped swooning at your finger heart since. He’s begging you to confess without saying it.” Seokmin chuckled as Vernon approached, the duo waving goodbye before heading down the street to try and hail a cab. Jeonghan and Nayeon had the same idea, heading for a little stroll together in the snow before heading home. When Seokmin and Joshua were alone, the older opened the passenger’s seat of the car and smiled.

         “Shall we?” he asked.

         The ride was quiet for the first few minutes. Seokmin had returned his glove to Joshua once the car warmed up. He looked over at the driver, studying his features. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

         “A great time.” Joshua smiled. “We have to do it again! It was really fun.”

         “We should!” 

         “You looked like you were having a blast!” Seokmin felt his cheeks heat up at Joshua’s comment, nodding his head.

         “Yeah, I was.” He said. “I get a bit too much when I do karaoke, I think.”

         “Too much?” Joshua seemed shocked. “No way! You were amazing! It was nice seeing you have so much fun.” Seokmin’s heart skipped a beat then began pounding in his chest, feeling as if his entire body was going to explode if his heart beat didn’t slow down. He sat back in his seat, allowing the car to fall into another comfortable silence. Then, Joshua chuckled and cheekily commented: “I specifically loved your performance of…what was it? Candy in My Ear?”

         Embarrassment came and made Seokmin cover his face. “Please, if you’re going to talk about that one, let me get out of the car and stand in front of it so you can run me over.” Joshua threw his head against the back of his seat to laugh. “I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t want to tell you in that way.”

         The pregnant pause that followed Seokmin’s comment was enough to make him truly register what he just said. When he looked over to Joshua, he had stopped laughing, staring at him.

         “Tell me what?” his voice was soft. Seokmin’s hands dropped to his lap, and he looked out the window. “Seokmin?”

         “You already know…” he said softly, also embarrassed. He began picking at his fingernails, pressing his fingers together. “Everyone says it’s obvious…and I don’t know if I can say it…” He felt the car slow to a stop, and when Seokmin looked up, he realized they were already in front of his apartment. That gave him less time, and he was already striking out with each word that came from his lips. The car shutting off got Seokmin to look at Joshua, and he shifted in his seat.

         “You can try.” He said with an amused smile. “If it’s what I think it is, I’d rather hear it from you instead of a song anyway…”

A nervous tongue swiped shaking lips, and Seokmin wondered if he should just say nothing. Keep his mouth shut. Hold all of these feelings back because it felt much less scary when compared to the alternative. But he couldn’t do that. Eyes cast up to the sky from the window, he watched as the snow fell around them. His eyes landed on the front door of his apartment building. For a second, he wanted to run from the car, into his apartment, slam the door and curl up into a ball until this incessant nausea finally went away: but his feet refused to move. “Sorry.” He finally gasped. “I don’t really know how to…how to say it. It’s stupid.” 

“I’m sure it's not stupid.” He assured. Seokmin saw him lean closer. “What is it?” 

Nervous eyes scanned Joshua’s face as his cheeks heated up. “I just…” His gaze moved from Joshua to the stars in the sky that he could see from inside the car. For a second, he hoped that there would be a new constellation written in the stars to guide him through this. But there was nothing; he had to do this himself. There was nothing that could tell him what or say or how to say it, because nothing and nobody could explain it better than he could right now. Finally, with the words of encouragement from his friends acting as the shove he needed, he locked eyes with Joshua and took one final deep breath.

“I think – no – I don’t think. I-.” a frustrated sigh cut through, but he turned to Joshua and finally uttered: “I love you…” Once the words left his lips, it was like a damn in his mouth broke and he just kept talking. “I love you a lot. I’ve liked you since we met, but I recently realized that I’ve…loved you, you know? Maybe I’m overthinking it, because we’ve never said anything about it. But we do things like hold hands and flirt and…I really like it but I don’t want to overthink things and then be wrong.” He paused, adding: “But then the more I think about it, the more I think of the way you look at me sometimes…like…like…” he looked up to see a familiar expression of fondness on Joshua’s face. “Like that!” Joshua chuckled. “….I just don’t want to mess anything up which is why I’ve been really nervous to say anything because I don’t want you to hate me. I really don’t want you to hate me. But, I think I’m rambling now, and if I keep going I think I'll say something I’ll regret so…yeah. That’s it.”

Silence. The longest silence of Lee Seokmin’s life. He hated it; wanted to disappear into a hole where nobody would find him and hibernate until this entire interaction was long forgotten about. He looked at Joshua as he shifted more in his seat to get a better look at him. Seokmin let out a shaky breath. Joshua ran a hand through his hair, and when he opened his mouth, all he said was a simple: “I love you, too, Seokmin.”

         Seokmin felt his breath catch in his throat. Those five, little words floated into his ears, through his brain, down his spine and wrapped themselves around his heart in an attempt to calm its frantic beating. “…Y-yeah?” Seokmin choked out.

         “I don’t know if I can say it in as many words as you did off the cuff, but yes. I do.”

Seokmin let out a chuckle of disbelief. “Oh, come on. That was nothing but rambling.”

“It was.” Joshua clarified. “But it was adorable rambling; a completely different thing.” His eyebrows furrowed a bit, and Seokmin waited with baited breath for his next comment. “I only have one question for you.”

“O-okay.” Seokmin said shakily. Joshua leaned forward a bit, reaching out and taking his hands. Seokmin could feel the warmth in his touch as he looked to meet Joshua’s gaze. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Seokmin almost fell over. “W-what?”

“Can I…kiss you? You know, like-.” He playfully puckered his lips for a second. Seokmin offered a shy giggle. “I’ve wanted to since like-.”

“Yes.” Seokmin blushed at the eager response that slipped past his lips.

“…Yeah?” Joshua beamed when Seokmin offered a shy nod. Pulling their intertwined hands closer to him tugged Seokmin as close as possible sitting on opposite sides of the car. Finally, finally, after what felt like years of waiting in the span of 4 months, Joshua leaned in and kissed Seokmin.

This was not Seokmin’s first kiss. He kissed a few girls in school plays, and once kissed Mingyu on a dare in high school. Romantically, however, Seokmin had only kissed his previous boyfriend a few times; brief pecks under the stairs before parting ways for class. Those kisses made him feel like he was floating one moment, then confused the next. At the time, though, it felt as though they were everything, all he was ever going to get. All he deserved. 

But this…was an experience. Joshua’s lips were soft despite being exposed to the dry cold for the past few hours. Seokmin’s entire body felt electric, warmth blooming deep in his chest and stomach. He had been wondering what this moment would feel like for so long, anxious overthinking and comparison to that of romance novels. But this was not a scene written on paper for anyone to open and read; this was real. To Lee Seokmin, this was finally happening, and it was real.

It took Seokmin a few nervous seconds to realize he had yet to actually kiss back, leaning into the kiss. He wondered if Joshua could feel how much his hands were shaking, because the grip on them tightened a little bit.

When the duo pulled away, locking eyes, Seokmin felt his heart rate spike. He immediately pulled his hands back, covering his face. Turning his head, tears pricked shaky eyes and his cheeks felt like they were boiling under his hands. “What’s wrong?” Joshua asked softly.

“Nothing.” Seokmin choked out. “My heart’s just pounding a million miles a minute and I’m really happy. That’s all.” Joshua laughed a bit, encouraging Seokmin to peek out from behind his hands.

"Good. I was worried you were crying because the kiss was bad. I haven’t kissed someone in a while.” Seokmin shook his head in reassurance. Joshua reached out, thumbing away some of the tears sitting on Seokmin’s cheeks. “I’m glad they’re happy tears, but you shouldn’t cry.” He chuckled. “Come on, love…” 

When ‘love’ hit his ears, Seokmin let out a panicked noise, avoiding his gaze as his brain shut down. It took him a second to reboot before looking back over. Joshua’s hand stayed on his cheek for a second longer, swiping a few stray tears away before pulling back. “Do uhm…” Seokmin sniffled a bit, turning to face the apartment just outside of the car. “You want to come in for a bit? I can make tea…or coffee…or something.”

“Sure.” Seokmin watched as Joshua’s eyes curled into familiar crescent moons, putting the one hovering above them to shame. The newly proclaimed lovebirds got out of the car, Seokmin needing to make sure that his legs would be able to hold him up as he got to his feet. When Joshua came around the car, he offered his arm to Seokmin with a dopey grin on his face as the duo headed to the apartment.  

The trip up the elevator was quiet, both men standing shoulder to shoulder as Joshua scrolled through something on his phone. The elevator shook a bit on its trip up. Like a hive mind, Seokmin gripped Joshua’s arm to steady him at the same time Joshua reached his hand out to put on the small of Seokmin’s back, both turning to look at each other. “Heh.” Hoping to prevent his cheeks from tinting pink, he looked down at his feet. When the elevator doors opened, Joshua put his phone back in his pocket and led Seokmin out. Seokmin immediately felt Joshua’s hand still ghosting the small of his back, despite the elevator being several paces behind them by now.

Once inside, Seokmin started a pot of coffee while Joshua finished looking through photos on his phone. “What have you been looking at?” Seokmin asked, leaning against the counter for a better look.

“I haven’t posted online in a while, so I’m looking for some pictures from tonight.” He passed the phone between them. “I don’t have too many, though, I was having so much fun I didn’t even realize.” He chuckled.

Seokmin immediately pulled out his phone. “I took a lot!” He scrolled through an entire wall of photos taken from the beginning of the night to the very end; from photos of the decorated room to selfies with everyone in attendance. Joshua immediately pulled up a photo of the two of them, one of Seokmin taking a selfie that Joshua stuck his head in, and then the following photo where they threw up a peace sign.

“Send me those.” He said. “They’re cute. And one with you in the glasses.”

“Okay!” Seokmin smiled. “I’ll send you tons. Can I Airdrop them?” Joshua nodded, looking down at his phone. “I should post something, too…” Seokmin murmured in realization.

With the sound of the coffee pot warming up behind them, both pulled up their Instagram accounts and began selecting some of their favorite photos from the night. Just as Seokmin was about to put a nice, long message about how much fun he had, and how grateful he was for being able to get through finals, Joshua piped up with a question:

“…Can I say that you’re my boyfriend?”

Seokmin’s eyes shot up towards Joshua, who finally seemed to hold a nervous expression in his features. “…Is…are you…are you asking me out?”

Joshua paused for a second, seeming to think about the answer to the question himself. Finally, he nodded. “I mean…..” He said, a smile finally forming on his face. “Yeah, I guess, since I didn’t properly ask in the car. That wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me, now is it?” 

“You’re very gentlemanly…” Seokmin looked back down at the string of photos he had, ready to post. Almost all of them had Joshua in them, whether it was just the two of them or with a collection of friends. Seokmin wanted Joshua to be there, from now on, he wanted Joshua to always be with him. The sizzle of the coffee pot finally came to an end just as Seokmin nodded and said: “O-okay. I’ll…I’ll put it on too, then.”

The smile on Joshua’s face only widened. “Cool. Then, we can put our phones on silent while our friend groups blow up our phones. I can probably place bets on exactly what each person will say!”

“Heh. Me too.” Seokmin agreed. He edited his caption before setting his phone down on the kitchen counter and turning to pour two cups of coffee. When Joshua set his own phone down, he grinned in amusement, nestling closer to Seokmin and taking his own coffee mug.

“How long until people see the post?”

“Maybe five minutes? Seungcheol-hyung is always up to date with what’s going on.” Seokmin grinned as he took a sip of his drink. “And five minutes might be generous.” Joshua hummed behind his own mug. “Oh!” Seokmin gasped, turning to Joshua in shock. “I almost forgot something! Wait here! No, wait on the couch!” Setting the coffee cup on the counter, Seokmin headed straight into his room.

He emerged a few minutes later with a little bag he had gotten from the far back of his closet, seeing Joshua was sitting on the couch with both coffee cups on the table in front of him.  “I got you something for your birthday.”

Joshua’s eyes went wide. “What? You didn’t have to!”

“Of course, I did!” Seokmin sat at his side, setting the bag at Joshua’s side. “It’s nothing big. It’s part one.”

“Part one?” Joshua smirked, pulling out the sparkling white tissue paper.

“Yeah. Part two is for your actual birthday.” He said. “How else are you supposed to do birthday gifts?” Joshua laughed.

“Guess I can’t argue with that logic.” Joshua peered inside the bag and pulled out a little gift wicker basket wrapped in see-through paper with tons of different things inside. Joshua smiled a bit. “What is it?”

“Well, remember when you came over to study with nothing in your bag?” Joshua nodded. “I know you’ve gotten a few things to put in there but I wanted to get you some more stuff. An emergency kit, I guess.” He laughed nervously as Joshua began unwrapping the basket. “Is it stupid?”

“What? No!” Joshua said. “I love it! I was running low on some stuff anyway.” He pulled all of the stuff out to examine more. Most of it was simple; a few different packs of gums, winter-scented hand sanitizer, flavored lip balm, some cute flare pens - which Joshua said are a teacher’s dream pen - and a little amethyst crystal. Minghao said they ‘help with keeping someone in good health.’

Joshua pulled out a little keychain that was already open from the package. He held it close for a better look. It was a small plush Cinaroll keychain in a teacher’s outfit. “Stop, what?” He gasped in English. “It’s cute!”  

“I thought of you when I was shopping at the mall.” Seokmin said. He reached behind him and pulled out his own keychain, dangling it in between them. It was of Pochacco wearing an overexaggerated Shakespeare-esque outfit. “I got this one for me. They’re part of a set.”

“So, we have matching keychains?!” Joshua looked so excited it made Seokmin laugh. “Oh, perfect!” He turned to his white bag, hooking the keychain right onto the front. “Thank you. This is so awesome!”

Seokmin watched as Joshua squeezed the little plush keychain and took a minute to just admire him in the silence. He was so many things; smart, passionate, beautiful, generous, funny, he could go on for days. All the things that made Seokmin fall head over heels in love with him in the first place. Just thinking about how in love he was - how lucky he was - made him feel like anything was possible. 

“Now, I really want to kiss you again.” He admitted, eyes falling to Seokmin.

He was also so incredibly attractive, and impossible to refuse.

Seokmin didn’t even bat an eye when he practically gasped out: “Okay.” Joshua grinned, setting his gift on the coffee table so he could close the gap between them. He leaned in and immediately planted another kiss on Seokmin’s lips that made December feel like the middle of summertime.

Joshua Hong was his. For now, things felt perfect. 

To Be Continued in Part 2

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[junhaoclub]

they’re like ocean waves | 01

pairing: junhao  genre: action + mild angst, pirates!au  warnings: swords, knives, cannons, violence  a/n: this has been in the works for months and this is all i have to show for it (rip me), but here’s me breaking it all up into 3 chapters anyway! this is my xmas gift to you all. i really hope you like this and please don’t ask me what my search history looks like now *runs and hides*  words: 2395  summary: junhui’s a pirate who hid his “famous” treasure and now everyone is desperate to find it before anyone else can. especially minghao, a bad bitch pirate who takes what he wants and isn’t afraid of anything (except for maybe love). junhui makes it his goal to help minghao when he realizes just how out of his depth the younger boy is.

— chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 

The water is cold and stretches for as far as the eye can see. The ocean is vast and blue, calm on this day.

Minghao stands at the helm, hands firm on the steering wheel as he gazes over his crew. After that raid he led in the Great Eastern Sea some years ago, he never thought his crew would grow to include Koreans. But there's no mistaking the men before him.

Seokmin is manning the masts, a handkerchief wrapped tight around his head, shielding his dark hair from the fiery rays of the sun as he makes sure their new white sails are being set up correctly. Sweat runs down Mingyu's arms as he lifts barrels of gunpowder down into the cargo hold and Minghao can't help but stare at the slightly older man. Seokmin and Mingyu are older than Minghao, but they've never faltered in showing their respects to him. They owe Minghao their lives and enjoy working under his rule, making sure that his strict code is enforced throughout all of Minghao's fleet which Minghao appreciates, considering how many men work for him.

Seungkwan and Hansol are bickering at the bow and Minghao rolls his eyes, debating whether or not to break up their argument. He decides against it when Chan pushes in between them and forces them back to work, the teen laden down with heavy coils of rope Minghao is surprised he can carry. Seungkwan pushes at Hansol's arm and follows after Chan, leaving Hansol to look after them, an offended look on his face. Minghao is still partially confused over whether Hansol is actually Korean or not due to his European features, but he doesn't voice it because race and ethnicity have never been important things to Minghao.

Appearances don't make up a person's worth in his opinion, it's their actions and willingness to improve that really matter to him.

Minghao watches as his small crew works to keep the ship steady and flowing easily across the bright waters. They're in the South China Sea at the moment (Chan had made a big show of his maps and markings, proclaiming their location in an excited voice once they'd passed the borders) and the water is calm.

Too calm.

Minghao doesn't know why he's so bothered by the relaxed lull of the sea around them. He's in a hurry to find what he's been searching for for years. After meeting with the captain of his northern fleet, Yixing, a month ago, Minghao had been given the last puzzle piece of the information he needed. Now he and his most trustworthy men are on their way to find the treasure.

He should be relieved about their lack of run-ins with the Qing Imperial Navy and other enemy pirates, but he just can't shake the feeling that something terrible is about to happen. It's like an itch he can't scratch and it's been bothering him ever since they set sail for the island.

Still, Minghao continues to watch over his crew, laughing to himself when Seokmin wipes his brow then flicks his sweat at Seungkwan. Seungkwan's squeals are loud and overdramatic, but the man himself has always been dramatic so it's really nothing new. Chan flicks his fingers at Seungkwan's arm and darts away when Seungkwan turns to face him, a look of irritation deforming his features. Hansol is next to strike, slapping Seungkwan's ass before he runs past Minghao and up towards the poop deck.

Minghao ignores them again, instead focusing on Seokmin folding up their old red sails and putting them away in an inconspicuous box. It'd been Minghao's idea to change their sails. Waving the red sails of the Red Flags would most definitely draw unwanted attention to their average-looking ship and though Minghao is itching for any kind of action, he also doesn't want to put the lives of his crew at unnecessary risk. Better to pretend they're a neutral ship in unfamiliar waters instead of entering with guns blazing.

Seokmin finishes putting the sails away, nodding at Mingyu when the tanned man comes forward to pick up the box. They exchange a few words that Minghao can't quite make out over the roar of the sea, humming of the ship and snapping of the new sails against the wind, but there's no mistaking the matching grins that spread across their faces once Mingyu turns to head below deck and deposit the box into their stores. Minghao's grip is as firm as ever on the steering wheel of the ship, but there's a blurb of something coming up on the horizon and Minghao's already turning to port side where Chan is scampering up the ratlines to get high enough on the masts to use his telescope.

"Captain!"

Chan is waving his hands around, pointing at the blurb that's getting closer by the second and Minghao doesn't know whether to be alarmed by the black sails or not.

"Captain! Incoming ship!" Chan yells again, this time gaining the attention of everyone on board.

Mingyu rushes up onto the main deck, a little breathless and immediately spots the ship. Minghao frowns at the approaching black sails but makes no move to alter their course. They have nothing to worry about, not when Minghao has both his swords, his guns and a couple of knives up his sleeve.

He can easily handle whatever's heading their way.

At least, he hopes he can.

The ship continues to approach, curving subtly to the side so that it'll end up on Minghao's ship's port side. Minghao squints against the sun and tries to pinpoint any moving bodies on the ship, but so far, he can't make out much. Mingyu is suddenly at Minghao's elbow, worry and nerves radiating off him like body heat, but Minghao is used to this kind of behavior whenever they happen across something unknown. It's why Mingyu is his first mate, after all, something that has made Mingyu a bit of a laughing stock since first mates aren’t meant for pirates.

“Captain, they’re requesting to come aboard,” Chan says from his perch, telescope permanently attached to his eye.

Minghao nods. “Let them aboard.”

“Captain, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Mingyu murmurs beside him.

“Don’t worry. We’re pretending to be a neutral ship, remember? Just let me talk,” Minghao mutters, stepping forward until he’s able to look at all of his crew members. “No one speaks unless I give the signal. Got it?”

“Yes, Captain!” They all respond, eyes glued to the oncoming ship.

Minghao gulps when he catches sight of the black sails coming closer. They stick out, especially when the ship drops it’s anchor and comes to a stop beside their own white sails.

Black and white.

Yin and Yang.

Minghao steps down onto the main deck with Mingyu hot on his heels, making sure Chan has come down from the rat rails before Seokmin and Mingyu rush forward to catch the wide plank the ship beside them is sliding forward. There aren’t that many men on the other ship, seven in total and only three of them walk across the plank to board Minghao’s ship.

A built man with large, doe eyes far too big for his face and equally large ears takes the rear of their tiny party, doing his best to look standoffish. Beside him is a slimmer man who radiates calm, a strange curl to his mouth that Minghao isn’t sure if he likes or not yet. In the forefront though, that’s where all of Minghao’s attention is being diverted to.

Because in the front, leading the three is the most beautiful man Minghao has ever seen. His skin is a gorgeous hue of brown, making him look like honey. His hair a stark white-ish color that Minghao has never seen before. Tall and thin, but not thin like Minghao, Minghao who’s grown accustomed to their sea rations and one meal a day rule. His brows are straight and lie heavy over his eyes.

And his eyes.

Minghao feels lost in them. There’s a sparkle in them that he can see from where he stands and the man smirks at him, knowingly, as if he can read Minghao’s mind.

Or maybe Minghao’s gaping mouth is a big clue enough.

Minghao feels his mouth clamp together with a sharp snap, eyes screwing up in distaste at his own response. Even Mingyu is a little entranced by the man in front, but Minghao doesn’t let that reassure him. Mingyu is his first mate and all, but he isn’t the smartest when it comes to other people if Minghao’s being totally and completely honest.

Hansol steps up to welcome them, stunned when the man in front nods at the slimmer one on his left and the slim man asks Hansol something in a language Minghao doesn’t recognize. Hansol answers back after his eyes have returned to their normal size and it isn’t in Minghao’s imagination when Seungkwan steps forward to shadow Hansol.

Hansol then shakes his head and points at Minghao, his pleading gaze drawing Minghao closer with Mingyu only a step behind him. Hansol says something else and the slim man says something to the man in front, in Korean this time before the man in front steps forward and holds his hand out to Minghao.

“Captain Wen Junhui of the Black Flags. Jisoo here says you’re Captain Xu Minghao of the Red Flags. But I don’t see any Red Flags. Either way, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” the beautiful man says.

Minghao startles when he realizes that he spoke in Mandarin and that he knows who Minghao is. Hansol blinks innocently at him and Minghao scowls before shaking Junhui’s hand.

The sharp sound of swords being drawn are all that he registers when Junhui tugs him forward so that they stand pressed chest-to-chest. Minghao gulps at the proximity but doesn’t let any other emotions apart from irritation flicker across his face.

“Let go,” Minghao spits out through his teeth, a glare leveled at Junhui, his irritation only building when he realizes he has to look up to meet his gaze.

Junhui laughs and steps back, hand still holding onto Minghao’s. “No need for the weapons. Tell your men to stand down.”

Minghao looks between their joined hands and the sparkle in Junhui’s eyes before he sighs and barks over his shoulder, “Stand down.”

Chan is the last to put his sword away, his gaze wary as he watches the three newcomers. Minghao can’t say that he blames them when Junhui still won’t let go of his hand, even after Minghao tries to shake him off. Junhui merely gives him a smile that could outshine the sun and Minghao feels something strange curl in his chest.

“So, you know who I am. I know who are you. The question is, what is the Captain of the Red Flags doing all the way out here?” Junhui murmurs.

Minghao feels his face twist with anger now, but he stomps it down and forces himself to remain civil. “I could ask the Captain of the Black Flags the same thing.”

Junhui only smiles. “Oh, you know. The usual.”

“Same here,” Minghao murmurs in response, still trying in vain to make Junhui let go of his hand.

And then a thought strikes him, his most brilliant plan to date if you ask him.

Minghao takes a deep breath and looks up through his lashes at Junhui, drawing his other hand forward to let it rest over their joined hands. Junhui’s eyes widen at the sudden change, but he says nothing as Minghao takes a step forward.

“Since we both seem to be doing something we shouldn’t, why don’t we do it together?” Minghao asks, fluttering his lashes for good measure.

It’s demeaning to be flirting in front of his crew, Minghao is all too aware of that, no matter how willingly forced it is, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Minghao thinks he might have Junhui anyway if the drop in the volume of his voice is any indication, plus fluttering his lashes is Minghao’s best trick.

“And if we did, what would I get out of this? Wouldn’t you rather submit to me now instead, aye, pretty one?” Junhui mutters.

It takes everything in Minghao not to draw his hand back, curl it into a fist and launch it into Junhui’s face right now. Granted, Minghao’s smile does come out forced now, but he’s saved from answering when Chan’s voice bursts their bubble.

“Captain! The Imperial Navy!”

Minghao jumps into action then, pushing Junhui away with all his might. “Go, you idiot! Go!”

Junhui stumbles back, being caught by the built man on his right who tugs him backward on the plank onto their own ship. Seokmin kicks the plank off their main deck once the three are safely off it and Hansol lifts the anchor while Mingyu unfurls the rest of their sails. Minghao runs back to the steering wheel, eyes glued to the three ships quickly approaching them, relieved when the black sails begin to move as well.

Minghao can see Junhui at the steering wheel of his ship now too, his white hair sticking out like a sore thumb and it isn’t in Minghao’s imagination when Junhui meets his gaze and winks.

What theー Minghao begins to think until the thought is interrupted by the loud sound of cannons firing.

Chan is waving frantically at him, hands pointing in the direction they need to take and Minghao spins the wheel, relieved when the sails catch on the wind and they begin to speed along. Seungkwan is pulling Hansol along the main deck, trying to check what direction everyone is going and it’s only when Mingyu and Seokmin run into the cargo hold does Minghao realize they’re readying their own cannons to fire back.

Minghao glances a look back and finds that Junhui’s ship is still anchored where they left them and he frowns, visibly put off.

Idiot, Minghao thinks before Junhui’s cannons fire off and Minghao realizes the Black Flags Captain is giving them an easy escape route by bringing all the attention of the Qing Imperial Navy upon them instead.

Minghao focuses on getting his crew safely out of harm’s way then, forcing himself more than once not to look back again.

a/n: if you can guess who minghao's character is based off, then kudos to you, you've gained +54 points in my book

thank you so much to everyone reading! happy holidays!

[junhoontrash]

Members x Jun’s shoulders. (+ Jun x Jeonghan’s shoulders)

[sojutogo]

junhao x grishaverse arranged marriage au:

Minghao does not bow.

It is customary—no, required to do so, especially when in front of him is the man that gets to decide whether he lives or dies for his show of insolence, whether his family will bear the burden, and whether his country will suffer from his pride but Minghao does not bow.

His grandmother's scathing stare nearly makes him—pinpricks of her anger stabbing him in the back despite the layers of silks and fur they had saddled him with, leaving his skin feeling heated but Minghao stubbornly keeps his spine ram-rod straight, years of princely education and strict teachers fortifying his resolve. For a second, he vaguely wonders if his actions of impudence have finally given away his madness, that he had truly gone mad because what rational creature would not curtesy to the tsar? 

Minghao resists the urge to shiver when his brain supplants the word, creature. He tries to roll the word in his tongue, finds that the phantom taste of metal and sin coats his glands. The tsar was not just the ruler of all lands but he was the one who controlled the shadows that ravaged it—wisps of malvolent spirits and beasts hidden under the cloak of the night, twisting and hungry for its next prey. 

There was a reason they bowed when he came, if not for respect then it was for fear.

But then Minghao remembers yesterday, when he had escaped from his wards after overhearing that the negotations for his marriage would be done that morning and his anger manifests into a ten-fold. He knew they were coming, their house and its retainers had been in a flurry ever since seven weeks ago, preparing the castle for guests and if it were to be any guest, Minghao knows that the same grandeur would not be afforded of whoever would step into their gates. But the tsar of all people was coming, together with his cavalry and the famed and fearsome oprichniki, that despite his father's belligrent attitude towards their king on their dining table after he had come home from the battlefront, weary and humiliated, he had ordered all of their men to prepare a feast fit for royalty.

So they made ready and Minghao was not spared.

He was neither ignorant nor was he foolish enough to believe that he will escape such archaic traditions for treaties and strengthening strongholds, despite being the bastard son of his father.

Minghao might be a bastard's son but he is still a prince's bastard son. Mei Lian may have every bit of royal blood coursing in her frail bones but Minghao was also the only son in their family. 

His birth right was both a gift and a curse and in a country ravaged by war and enemies unseen, children were nothing but pawns to their parents to barter for momentary peace or even just the illusion of it.

Sooner or later, war will claim their lands once more despite the flimsy papers that say otherwise and the cycle will repeat for an infinte number of times. Kings may fall while new ones replace them but they will walk the same circles as their predecessor have had.

Such is the nature of human greed and Minghao had come to understand this even at a young age. How else would he have made it to the palace? How else would he have made it to his tutors as they dress him in gold and serve him fresh bread? His mother, a particularly demure town girl who had caught the eye of his inebriated father during a hunting trip had no fantasies or ambitions to replace the princess but she did not want her son to end up as a farm boy, forced to relive her misery. She did not hunger for herself but she made sure Minghao would never know such pain.

Perhaps it was not greed then, perhaps it was something akin to desperation or love.

But as he hears his father negotiate for his hand, sell would be more apt because is it not the truth—Minghao is being sold like a mere lamb in the markets for a few coins? He only feels the cold and calculated execution of human greed.

There is no love found here, never will there be.

So, no. He will not bow.

The man in front of him dressed in resplendent robes, most likely costing more than an entire year's-worth of harvest for their town, more than anything grand that his father wears, appraises him with a silent countenance but does not comment on Minghao's lack of manners.

Minghao should feel grateful that he has not been sent to the guillotine but he finds that he has little to be thankful for, not when he knows that this man treats him no more than an object.

Minghao is not naive to hope that this marriage will remain political, that it will remain to follow what was written on paper, that there are no expectations required of him despite his inability to bear a child. What hold does he have over a ruler who has won wars and fought many battles? To a tyrant who threatens their land with violence if he is not offered his whims and wishes? To a man whose lust and debauchery knows no end?

It was an open-secret that the tsar's preference for men has led him to seek out different beds as soon as he was of age to sit on the throne. Why wouldn't he? There was no danger in accidentally conceiving a child, no brood of bastards to care for nor jealous mothers to appease.

Sooner or later, his paper-marriage will mean nothing and Minghao will become one of the many lambs this wolf has sunk his teeth into and discarded when the tsar has consumed his flesh until there is nothing but bones and rot.

So, no. He will not bow.

“Minghao,” he hears his grandmother's verbal admonishment and he must have truly angered her to sense the acid in her usually solemn voice or for her to speak out of turn in front of the tsar.

Minghao hears his grandmother apologize for him, hears her excuses of his birth, his difficult upbringing and tries not to flinch nor break his unwavering stare against the tsar who only holds a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Very well, let him see how much of a disadvantage Minghao is. Let him see that he made a mistake, Minghao privately sneers. Let him pick someone else. Someone maleable, perhaps. Someone who will agree with him without question, who will turn the other way when he invites other bodies to bed in their chambers, someone who will hold the crown with grace and not the selfish heart that Minghao has grown with.

“Peace, duchess. It is but a small matter I can overlook, for now.”

Minghao has not heard the tsar speak until today, not even when he had spied on them from the hidden room behind the heavy cabinet in his father's war chambers because Seungcheol had caught him with surprising ease before Minghao could hear anything else.

He has not heard him speak until now and Minghao fears that the slight buckling of his knees as he hears the uncharacteristically youthful and mischievous lilt of the tsar's voice is an indication to the decline of his resolve.

No, Minghao still will not bow.

”...after all, perhaps my bride is simply riddled with joy upon seeing me.”

I beg your pardon, Minghao almost shrieks but he catches himself in time.

The tsar might have forgiven his initial act of discourtesy but something tells Minghao he will not be gracious for a second.

So he fumes from where he is standing, hiding his clenched fist behind the robes the maidservants made him wear and tries to keeps his face impassive when all Minghao wishes to do, is to lob the nearest vase to the tsar's still smiling face, completely convinced of his own illusions.

It seems like his grandmother does not know what to make of the tsar's words either for she pauses long enough for an awkward silence to follow and Minghao wishes he could just laugh at the hilarity of it all, instead of being mute as his freedom slips away from his fingers like sand.

“Er, well as you say, moi tsar.”

An impish smiles makes its way to the tsar's face and should it have been on any other boy, any other man without connections to the crown, Minghao might almost find it endearing.

Almost.

“Minghao, is it?”

And that was simply unfair, was it not? How Minghao's name rolled off so effortlessly in his tongue, voice caressing the vowels as if Minghao's name is something precious, something dear.

He has not heard his name spoken like that, in a while.

Which is probably why he nods diminutively despite his stubborness from earlier. Whispers a quiet, yes, moi tsar like a lamb baring its neck for slaughter.

Foolish, he admonishes himself but finds it hard to gather his anger and use it as a shield when the tsar suddenly steps down from his makeshift throne and crosses the short distance between him and Minghao in one fluid motion.

Minghao forgets how to breathe.

Molten eyes the color of coal carefully trace Minghao's features, a relaxed smile on the royal's face which quickly morphs into something sharp when he takes stock of Minghao's growing blush.

“You can call me, Junhui.”

Junhui, Junhui, Junhui.

Minghao nods, distrustful of his voice.

“What's your favorite color, Minghao?” The tsar asks and Minghao is acutely aware of the eyes staring at them from all manner of directions. Yet, it seemed like the man in front of him does not notice or simply elects to ignore them all together as he focuses solely on Minghao, waiting for an answer.

Minghao briefly considers lying. This man does not deserve to be privy to his own thoughts and feelings after taking so much already but he finds that dishonesty comes slow when those coal-like eyes are trained on him with such intensity and makes Minghao mumble, “White.”

“White?” Comes the amused tone of the tsar, his eyebrow raised in surprise. “Why is that, lyubimy?“

Minghao almost gasps but he tempers it by angling his head down, hiding his fiery face from the man in front of him.

“No particular reason, moi tsar.” He responds, hands itching to twist together to relieve the tension in his body but Minghao finds that he is unable to move a muscle, pinned by some unknown force from the king's eyes alone.

He doesn't tell Junhui that it was because white was the color of the flowers growing on a small patch in front of his mother's grave.

“Well, it seems like my tailors will not have a hard time making your bridal clothes, then.”

Like an ax, the realization drops swiftly on Minghao as he remembers what he was truly here for.

“Do not worry, solnishka,” and Minghao is helpless to hide his gasp this time as Junhui takes hold of the younger's trembling hands and carefully brings it a hairsbreadth away from his lips. “You shall be a sight to behold in white.”

When the kiss drops softly on his knuckles, tenderness akin to the way holy men would venerate saints in their church, Minghao finally bows his head.

[jvnhuihui]

[12:03 AM]

a/n: a little blurb i finally managed to write after having it in my head for weeks after the news of junhao finally going home! <33333

they quietly readjust the mask on their face, walking slightly behind the taller figures in front of them. the sun streamed in softly through the tall windows. the sound of cameras clinking and footsteps didn't bother them too much, though it did feel like a bit of an invasion of privacy. they understood it though, it's been awhile since they've been at the airport.

the security went by quickly and so did the cameras once they passed the checkpoint. they feel a larger hand envelope theirs softly, but securely. they didn't need to look up to know who it was. it was one of reassurance, loving in all the words he couldn't speak to them in that moment.

sitting at the boarding gate, it was almost silent. if they didn’t know any better it felt like no one was there, but the soft chatter of other people proved otherwise. they gazed softly over to the man holding their hand and leaned into him. they barely hear the words that came from his mouth.

"'i'll be sure to get home safe," he whispers in her ear. "i always do, love."

they hum in response. "i'm not worried about that, jun."

"i know you aren't. you worry your pretty head too much."

he presses a soft kiss to their forehead through his mask, nuzzling into them softly. he breathes in their scent, trying to commit it to memory.

"i'm just really happy you'll be seeing your family for the first time in years my love," they whisper in hesitant chinese. "i'll miss you and your presence, but family comes first."

he pulls them into a hug, comforting in actions rather than words.

"your chinese is getting better," he presses another kiss to their forehead. "i know you told minghao to look after me as well. i'll be sure to call you everyday, and if i don't you can yell at me."

they laugh softly at that, reveling in each other’s presence. the boarding announcement breaks the soft moment, and the two hesitantly detach from one another. minghao glances over at the two, understanding in his eyes. silent goodbyes and hugs full of emotion. everything that can't be said instead being shown.

"i'll look after him like you asked," minghao whispers in their ear before pulling away to give a reassuring look. "he'll miss you just as much, don't you worry."

minghao glances over his shoulder to see jun looking at his lover with such fondness, like they held the world in their hands. he steps aside to give the two of them a moment. jun gently pulls down both of their masks to place a final kiss on their lips. he tastes like something floral, maybe it's that tea minghao always gives him to drink.

"i'll text you when i land my love," another quick kiss before he pulls up both of their masks again. "i love you."

"i love you too, safe trip." they whisper back, waving as the two disappear towards the gate. jun’s lavender perfume lingers after him, and they smile softly at the familiar smell.

the boarding gate is quiet as they stand to watch the plane start to move away the gate, briefly catching minghao and jun waving through the window. watching the plane takeoff felt almost bittersweet, but they felt comfort in that moment. the two of them were finally going home.

[jokertrap-ran]

(时空中的绘旅人—For All Time—)  罗夏 SR 「波波雪糕」 Rorschach SR [Bobo Ice Cream] Painting Story Translation: Azure Island

*For All Time Master-list / Rorschach’s Personal Master-list *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Card is Free Event-Obtainable. *T/N: Ice cream hotpot is just… fondue, of sorts.

“The taste of summer is delicious.”

His figure never failed to attract my attention. His overwhelming confidence when surfing is similar to that of Poseidon, the one who directs the waves of the sea.

✥ Chapter 1: 造浪池 Wave Pool

MC: AHHHHHH!!

Rorschach: Don't worry, (Y/n). I'm holding onto you.

That’s what he said, but the ferocious artificial waves that came at me made my control over my legs falter.

Rorschach: You don’t need to firmly ground yourself on it all that hard. Try to feel the rhythm of the wave.

MC: I feel nothing! Absolutely nothing!

I faintly heard the sound of his low chuckle and my face instantly heated up.

It's all his fault!

It was only because Rorschach had mentioned that he was good at surfing that the curiosity even started taking root in me.

And that was precisely why I’d invited him to be my coach for today and ended up trying out the cruise’s popular surfing simulator.

But now, looking at the situation I was in, I couldn't help but regret having bugged Rorschach to become my personal surfing coach for the day when I'd clearly overestimated my athletic prowess.

MC: I’ve overestimated my motor skills...

My low mutterings under my breath were completely blocked out by the rolling of the artificial waves.

Before I had the time to react, Rorschach had reached out to extend a gentle hold around my waist as he swiftly plucked me out of the surfing simulator.

Rorschach: Looks like you still need a personal demonstration from your dear coach.

He walked down to retrieve the surfboard, tied his feet to the ropes and slid smoothly onto the waves with practised ease.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Rorschach: Look, (Y/n). The waves are a little big, but don't fret. You are now riding it…

Due to my having dragged him out of his room in a hurry, Rorschach was dressed in clothes that were at risk of getting utterly ruined by water at any given moment.

However, he didn’t seem to mind it at all and continued sharing with me the technique of how he rode the waves along with how it felt to ride one.

Although he looked no different from his usual self now, I could sense that he'd broken free of the chains of gravity, now soaring freely.

His pose was as carefree as that of an unshackled seagull. Faint droplets of water splashed all about. His gallant confidence was way brighter than even the sun itself.

All eyes were now on him, firm and unwavering. Even the professional coach was giving occasional nods from where he stood not too far away.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Rorschach: Ack—!

MC: Watch out!

I'd somehow unwittingly grabbed his hand the moment I heard his yelp.

Although I knew that doing so wouldn't do anything to help stabilize him, I still did it anyway. Do first, think later, as it goes.

Rorschach: Ahem. Pardon me, my tongue slipped.

MC: RORSCHACH!

I couldn't help but bristle in anger, seemingly having thought that he had been in danger of flipping over. However, I never asked why he still didn't let go of my hand.

The warmth from his palm was similar to a reassuring promise, telling me not to fret any longer.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Through Rorschach's patient coaching and my unremitting endeavours, I finally managed to strike and maintain my balance on the surfboard for a few minutes with him holding onto me as support.

MC: And this is JUST a surfing simulator…

MC: I suppose you can say that I've now experienced a smidge of the true terror that is the sea.

Rorschach: Mother nature's no weakling, that's for sure, but people will always find a way to go up against her when the need arises.

Rorschach: What do you think? Was today's experience satisfactory in your book?

I vigorously nodded.

MC: Of course I'm satisfied with it! But I think it's better to actually head out to the beach and watch you ride the waves rather than cooping you up here as my coach.

Rorschach: ...Why does that feel like you've just given me a negative review?

MC: Huh? Why would I?

Blame you and your flamboyant popularity.

I silently groused.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

✥ Chapter 2: 冰激凌火锅 Ice cream Hotpot

Just then, a familiar figure not too far away caught my attention.

MC: Hey, Rorschach? Look, over there. Isn't that Feng Junhao?

Rorschach: The little rascal can’t keep to himself, can he?

A small water gun attached to his waist, looking left and right, he looked like a little officer, here to inspect things.

Being distracted, he didn’t notice both of us as we approached him. He bumped into Rorschach’s leg with a resounding smack.

Feng Junhao: Huh. It's you guys again.

Rorschach: You don't sound too happy

Feng Junhao: Hmph.

He avoided the question but fixated his gaze on me.

Feng Junhao: (Y/n), why do you like hanging out with this guy so much?

My face inexplicably flushed a deep shade of red

Rorschach: You don’t understand, do you? My artistic flair will naturally attract other artists to me.

Feng Junhao didn’t refute Rorschach; an unusual occurrence.

Feng Junhao: Hey, Rorschach…

We exchanged a dubious glance with each other.

Feng Junhao: ……

Feng Junhao: Nevermind.

Before we could even reply to him, he ran away.

MC: Rorschach, I think we should follow him and see what he’s up to.

Rorschach: Agreed.

We tailed him from a distance, watching as he walked into a fine dining establishment before coming out with a glum look on his face.

Rorschach shook his head, walking up to him.

Rorschach: Okay, little devil. What are you up to this time?

Feng Junhao seemed rather unfazed by our sudden appearance.

Feng Junhao: … The ice cream hotpot I want to eat is only sold here.

Rorschach barked out in laughter.

Rorschach: This establishment’s members-only. Let’s see, how about you and (Y/n) go take a seat and I’ll buy one and bring it over to you guys?

Feng Junhao: You’re not making fun of me? You’re buying it for me??

Rorschach slightly bent down, ruffling his hair.

Rorschach: It’s rare to see you being so honest. Consider it a reward.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

The ice cream hotpot, a dazzling array of vibrant colours and fresh ingredients exuding cold air all around, was placed on the table.

Just looking at it alone was enough to make people feel a little cooler under the scorching heat of summer.

Feng Junhao’s eyes shone bright, seemingly satisfied beyond measure at having his wish fulfilled. He had a brief exchange with Rorschach before heartily digging into the ice cream before him.

Rorschach: Is it tasty?

Feng Junhao: Can the ice cream that yours truly favours not taste good!?

Rorschach: My turn to dig in then.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Rorschach reached out and unceremoniously dug a big hole into the sweet treat.

Feng Junhao: Hey, hey, hey! Isn’t the whole hotpot supposed to be mine!?

Rorschach: Hm? When did I ever say that?

Rorschach: I was the one who bought it, and I was also the one who brought it here.

Rorschach: I’ll let your ungratefulness slide, but why are you so adamant against sharing?

Feng Junhao: E-Even if that’s so… too much ice cream does no wonders to your teeth and stomach, so let me shoulder this burden alone.

Rorschach: No way. As a gentleman, I do not advocate kid bullying actions.

Feng Junhao: Who’s. The. Kid. Here!

Rorschach: Plus, (Y/n) and I have been out in the sun for so long, so we need a little dessert to replenish our energy.

Rorschach: And since you’ve already helped us taste-test it with such enthusiasm, I’m now sure that we can eat it without a worry!

Feng Junhao: Can’t you just go buy another?

Feng Junhao: (Y/n) likes chopped peanut snow cones, not ice cream hotpots. Right?

Feng Junhao winked at me, making me nod in response, albeit reluctantly.

Rorschach: I see you always acting so manly, but you choose to “threaten” a girl now?

Rorschach: Heh, looks like I should let you have a taste of how vicious society is out there.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Rorschach: Here, (Y/n). Open up.

I subconsciously did as he instructed and a strawberry, carved into the shape of a rose and topped with some ice cream, was swiftly delivered into my mouth.

Feng Junhao: AH!? But that’s the nicest strawberry I left for last!

As the two of them bickered on, I smiled, my eyes closing to form crescent moons of happiness.

Yup, the taste of summer truly is delicious.

[castor-and-pollux]

Captain of Your Heart Pt. 13

Excerpt 1:

He could hear the unhappy grumbles coming from the deck where his crew was unarmed and surrounded. He could see the sails billowing with the wind, stretching this way and that, close to tearing. Jun tilted his hat and smirked, “We have spices and gold, so what do you want? In exchange for our unworthy lives, of course.”

The answer was immediate. The one in black narrowed his eyes and the one in blue replied, “Both. Everything you have.”

Excerpt 2:

Straining to hear Jun as he opened the hatch leading below deck, Jihoon prayed to whatever deity was up there that the captain wouldn’t do something stupid. He stepped down slowly, reminding himself that his trust in the captain was well-placed. Another step. The captain understood priorities. Jihoon stopped for a second, growling under his breath, “Goddamnit, Jun. Don’t do it.”

Hello lovelies,

Check out the newest chapter at http://archiveofourown.org/works/11148597/chapters/26009337 

Sorry this chapter is up late :( It got longer than I expected but I do hope you’ll like it ^_^ Also, some Seventeen members will show up as antagonists to fit the story but that def does not reflect how I see them (each member is wonderful). P.s. I might be coming down with something so I may go on hiatus, we’ll see on Tuesday 

~Castor

[min-inu]

SEVENTEEN Secret Santa 2019

This is my story for @veryotl​!  🎄 💖 ❄️ Happy Christmas! I wish you to have a good time during your holidays and to have some rest. I had fun writing this for you. I hope you like it!^^

- ❄️ (snowflake anon who is not anon anymore)

Genre: Fluff

Words: 1836

Information: A really sappy with a little bit of probably unsucessfully writen “funny” moments; SEVENTEEN OT13 because that’s the sweetest thing

Ships: Mingyu x Wonwoo (Meanie); Junhui + Minghao (JunHao); a little bit of Joshua (Jisoo) + Jeonghan (JiHan) but not really

Summary: Joshua is moving to South Korea, after living in USA since he was born. He wanted to study in university there, but when he met his 12 housemates, he realized he was going to get much more than he has signed up for. Dealing with a new type of craziness every day, one thing was sure – there was no way he was going to feel bored here.

The twelve men were sitting in the big living room, spending their typical weekend together - it was something like a tradition to them. They were friends, they also liked to say they were a family, even though they sometimes couldn’t stand each other. Most of them had different personalities, yet all of them fitted so perfectly together.

“My girlfriend just dumped me, because I was too short for her. I don’t understand. Was I taller when we met? Couldn’t she just reject me in the beginning?” Jihoon complained, while looking at the wall thoughtfully.

“Maybe you were standing on your tippy toes when you two met for the first time so she thought you were taller than you are.” Seungcheol teased him and Jihoon sighed angrily, shooting him a deadly glare.

“Stop bullying the children.” Jeonghan stepped in.

“I’m not a child, you idiot,” Jihoon hissed. “I’m an adult and I should be treated as one.”

“Okay, as you wish, old man.” Seungcheol said mockingly, returning his eyes to his phone.

“Why are you all so immature? Sometimes I can’t believe I’m the youngest one.” Chan stated, looking at the older boys.

“All of you, shut up. I’m trying to read.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes with annoyance, trying to stay focused on his book.

“Wonwoo, let’s go out! I want to build a snowman!” Mingyu shouted excitedly, trying to make the older one get up from the couch.

“And I want to read a book.”

“Can’t you just go and build a snowman with your boyfriend? Please?” Mingyu looked with hope in his eyes. He looked like a child that wanted something, so he was making his typical puppy eyes, looking his cutest.

“No.” Wonwoo answered unfazed. He was somehow still resistant to his charm.

Another thing was that Mingyu and Wonwoo were dating. Wonwoo has never said it even once, but Mingyu kept mentioning it all the time, even though the older man neither confirmed nor denied it.

“You’re so antisocial it hurts. You know, I might go outside and find another boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Actually there’s this girl from our class who has a crush on me. I could go to her and give her a chance.”

“Go.” Wonwoo said monotonously, still keeping his eyes glued to the book.

“He is heartless, I give up!” Mingyu shouted with frustration and went upstairs to his room.

“He’s such a drama queen.” Seungkwan noted, sipping his tea calmly.

All the men in the room stopped what they were doing, just to look at Seungkwan. Even Wonwoo stopped looking at his book.

“What? Why are you all looking at me?”

“Because you’re usually the drama queen, Boo.” Hansol explained, smiling at Seungkwan.

Hansol was constantly trying to make Seungkwan get the hint, but he could never do that. The truth was that Hansol had a little crush on him, but the other didn’t seem to notice at all.

“I want my girlfriend back,” Jihoon frowned, looking at an image on his phone. “We only dated for like 2 days.”

“I honestly feel sorry for him.”

“And I feel sorry for all of you. Leave me alone, I want to read.” Wonwoo finally closed his book and showed some emotions, which were only negative.

He got closer to the stairs when Seokmin attracted his attention.

“Oh come on, you know you love us.”

“If you mean I want to kill all of you and live in this big house alone with my cat, then yes, your statement must be true.”

Wonwoo went upstairs and the others looked at him going.

“Guys, I’m bored, I’m going out.” Minghao said, as he stood up and got closer to the door.

“Can I come with you?” Jun asked, as he stood up.

The two Chinese men were almost always together, but the rest of the guys still couldn’t really figure out if they were dating or not.

‘’Yeah, sure.” Minghao put his shoes on, as Jun repeated his action.

When Minghao finally opened the door, he was surprised to see there was another person standing in front of the house.

“Uh, sorry, I was going to ring the bell, but I-“

“Oh, handsome” Minghao gasped and Jun looked at him discontentedly.

“Not as much as me, though.”

The newcomer didn’t seem to mind Jun’s comment at all, actually he chose to ignore it.

“I’m Joshua, your new housemate. Are there more people that live here?” Joshua asked curiously.

Joshua was so excited to come here, in South Korea, and live with other people. His parents were Korean, but he was born in USA, so he has never been to Korea before. Now that he was accepted to a university here, he was ready to begin his new life and improve his Korean.

“Too many for you to stay sane.” Jun answered and then he went out of the house, bumping his shoulder into Joshua’s on purpose.

Jun didn’t like the fact that Minghao thought Joshua was handsome. His comment automatically made him dislike the new one.

“Um…” Joshua was slightly uncomfortable with the way Jun was treating him, but he decided to try to stay positive. “Thank you for the information!”

“Is he for real…” Jun murmured and started walking.

“Wait for me!” Minghao shouted, then he went after Jun. “Don’t mind him, Jun can be a little rude sometimes.” Minghao warned before smiling and running to catch up with Jun.

Joshua stood in his place in astonishment. He have never seen such interesting people, even if this adjective wasn’t good in this case. He sighed and entered the house closing the door after him. He looked around and he noticed the men in the room, who were still a lot, even though Minghao, Jun, Wonwoo and Mingyu weren’t there.

“Hello!” Seungcheol stood up from his place, offering Joshua his hand for a handshake. “You must be our new housemate. I’m Seungcheol, the ‘dad’ of the house. Nice to meet you! If you have any problem with the others, don’t hesitate to tell me.” he smiled widely.

Joshua was really impressed. ‘Finally someone who behaves like a human’ he thought, while taking Seungcheol’s hand and shaking it slightly.

“I’m Joshua, but you can call me Josh. Or Jisoo, because that’s my Korean name.”

“Aww, such a cutie.” Jeonghan winked flirtatiously.

Jeonghan had this habit of flirting with every living and breathing creature. Most of the time he didn’t even realize he did it. It was not rare at all to see him in the university hall, stealing men and women’s hearts.

“Thanks, I guess” Joshua looked at the ground, feeling his cheeks redden.

He was called handsome and cute in less than 10 minutes and he was a little overwhelmed by all that attention he was receiving. He wasn’t used to this, so it was normal for him to feel shy. After he told his name to all the other men that were in the room he went to take a shower. He really liked the house and he felt that we was going to get on well with his housemates too. He was trying to think positively and actually things already seemed great.

A couple of weeks have already passed and he got used to the country, the house and his crazy housemates. He actually felt very comfortable around them – he realized they were just the right people for him since he was like them, he jokingly repeated they shared one braincell and maybe that wasn’t too far from the reality.

It was now Christmas time and the boys decided to go to their favorite café to celebrate. They already had a reservation so finding a table for 13 people wouldn’t be a problem. When they got there, they pulled three free tables together as they sat on the big couches and ordered coffee and hot chocolate, as well as some desserts.

“Say ah.” Mingyu looked at Wonwoo with a wide smile on his face and to everyone’s surprise the older one actually complied.

Mingyu took a little part of the dessert using his spoon and he put it in Wonwoo’s mouth. Wonwoo was chewing happily, while he was looking at Mingyu. As the others were looking at them, they looked just like the main characters from a movie.

When Wonwoo got closer to Mingyu and pressed his lips to the younger one’s, to say everyone was shocked was an understatement.

“Someone cover Chan’s eyes.” Seungcheol said worriedly, but this was actually a joke, since Chan didn’t seem to mind Mingyu and Wonwoo. Actually, none of them did.

“This is the best Christmas miracle that has ever happened to me!” Mingyu screamed excitedly, as he put his arm around Wonwoo’s shoulders.

And Wonwoo let Mingyu hug him without saying a word which was something nobody could ever imagine. It was a real Christmas miracle indeed.

“I love you.” Wonwoo said quietly, hugging Mingyu back.

“Ah, I love you too, Woo.” Mingyu kissed the older man’s cheek and after that he was smiling as widely as he could.

“You two are so cute you make me sick” Jihoon commented, sipping his coffee. “I found a new girlfriend, though.”

“Congratulations!” Joshua shouted, patting Jihoon on the shoulder. “I found one too.”

“Just looked at him. He came to live here not long ago and he already has a girlfriend and twelve friends too,” Jeonghan joked playfully. “Let me know if you decide you want a boyfriend, though”

“Oh, I definitely will.” Joshua laughed. “Guys, I’m not usually this sentimental but I wanted to give you something for Christmas, to thank you for everything. I feel as if we all have been friends for years now, I-I…” he stopped talking for a few seconds, feeling the tears forming in his eyes. “I love all of you and thank you. I can proudly call you my family.”

Joshua couldn’t hold back anymore, so he just started crying. Some of the men followed his example, standing up from their places to go and hug Josh. Others thought this was all too sappy for their liking, but still they deeply appreciated Joshua’s words.

Joshua opened his backpack and took out a small box. He opened it and showed it to the others.

“I bought this rings for all of us. I know it may seem sappy but I wanted to buy something special for all of you. The rings have our names and birth dates written on them” Joshua informed the others, while he was wiping his tears.

“Aww, why are you so sweet?” Jeonghan laughed quietly, hugging Jeonghan. “Thank you. The rings look amazing.”

The rest of the day the boys stayed together and went to many different places to just celebrate the fact they were friends, and it was Christmas. When Joshua was there with them, the boys felt nothing was missing anymore. Their friendship was what mattered the most and they planned to stay together as friends and as a family forever.

[svt-writers-club]

1, 4, 8, 10 & 15- Meanie, Junhao and verkwan Otp game :3

Meanie

1. Who likes to buy little gifts for the other?

You would think it’s Mingyu, but actually it’s Wonwoo! He’s one of those people who walks around a shopping mall and if he sees a thing that reminds him of Mingyu, like a small bear or a keychain, then he’ll walk in and get it, no fuss.

Mingyu though… he doesn’t know how to do little gifts. He only does big gifts. (Mingyu bought Wonwoo a human-sized Snorlax. It sits in the corner of their room and they like to use it as a bean bag.)

4. Who cracks themselves up with their own dumb jokes?

It’s… actually… Wonwoo… He’s a huge dork and he happens to think he’s hilarious. He doesn’t show it often, so he kind of goes crazy when he’s alone with Mingyu. He’s a nonstop pun machine and he’ll nearly brain himself laughing himself silly. He once laughed at his own joke so hard that he threw his head back against the wall and nearly knocked himself out. He’s so lucky Mingyu finds it endearing, honestly.

8. Who likes to ask random, off-topic questions with no prompting?

Honestly, both of them are equally as likely to do that. Mingyu does it because he has random thoughts about things and he just blurts them out. It’s the same with Wonwoo too, which is why they’re so well-suited to each other, because they’ll always take each other’s random questions seriously.

But Mingyu will still brulee Wonwoo if he wakes him up at 3am because he has another question about the universe. (”Mingyu, the moon isn’t gendered. It’s a floating hunk of space rock attracted to the Earth’s gravity. Mingyu, stop kicking me this is important.”)

10. Who finds it absolutely hilarious how ticklish the other is?

Wonwoo… he finds it absolutely hilarious how ticklish Mingyu can get. It’s only at that patch of skin under his ear, but even the slightest hint of a breath gets Mingyu going. He’ll just… collapse. Wonwoo thinks it’s amusing and likes to poke or nip at that spot at unexpected moments just to watch Mingyu’s helpless peals of laughter.

15. Who is constantly trying to prank the other?

Wonwoo – I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Mingyu likes to pull pranks on Wonwoo all the time, but they’re always really stupid pranks, like a whoopee cushion on his seat or a buzzer ring right before a handshake or hand-hold. If Mingyu was a little more immature, he would totally do the bucket of water over the bedroom door thing. (Mingyu once did the tape over a doorway prank. Wonwoo fell for it so hard. The entire group has a video of Wonwoo walking head first into the tape and screaming Mingyu’s name. Minghao still has that agonised scream as his message tone.)

JunHao

1. Who likes to buy little gifts for the other?

:3 Minghao is a slut for buying lil trinkets for Junhui. His favourite is when they’re overseas and he and Mingyu spend a day getting lost in the city, so they can take pretty pictures and spend way too much money on buying things for their boyfriends. Mingyu always ends up splurging a lot of money on one big item, while Minghao will gift Junhui with two or three different small trinkets that Junhui will use/can bring around with him wherever he goes.

Minghao is a secretly sentimental hoe and you’ll have to pry this cute lil headcanon from my cold, dead hands.

4. Who cracks themselves up with their own dumb jokes?

Is this even a question. We all know it’s Junhui, because he thinks he’s hilarious and whatever joke he just spouted is god-tier comedy. He thinks that Gag Concert will be calling him in any day now for a comedy skit, because he’s that funny. Minghao is Done™ with him, but he still loves him. That doesn’t mean he won’t kick Junhui to the sun if he has to hear another dirty limerick.

8. Who likes to ask random, off-topic questions with no prompting?

It’s Minghao! Mostly because sometimes Minghao hardcore zones out of the conversation and snaps back when he has a serious question to ask. And I use the term serious very loosely.

“And Soonyoung almost kicked my nuts into my body,” Junhui says happily as he works out a knot on Minghao’s back.

Minghao grunts, turning his head slightly. “Do you think snakes know they don’t have arms?”

“What.”

“No, seriously. Do you think they know?”

“Were you even listening to a single word that was coming out of my mouth.”

“Gege. The snakes. Arms. Do they know?”

“I’m breaking up with you.”

10. Who finds it absolutely hilarious how ticklish the other is?

Minghao is… very ticklish. Like, very. It’s mostly his tummy and his hips, but it’s game over when anyone decides to tickle him. Mingyu once sat on Minghao while Seokmin tickled him. Mingyu and Seokmin both got beat up, because a tickled Minghao is a Minghao that will attack. 95 line collectively agrees that Seokmin deserved that bite, but Mingyu getting kneed in the groin might’ve been overkill.

Junhui had watched the entire thing unfold. He even has a video of the entire thing. It’s shaky and the only thing you can hear is Minghao’s outraged laughing and Junhui’s cackling.

15. Who is constantly trying to prank the other?

Let’s be real, they’re both trying to prank each other all the time. It’s out of love, but it’s also out of boredom. They’re two Chinese boys who were encouraged by a bunch of Korean boys to let loose and have fun, but they forget that JunHao are (1) very competitive and (2) have no concept of shame. Minghao will take an ugly picture and print it out so he can post it all over the dorm. Junhui will take one of Minghao’s many precious Kermits and bleach it so it looks like some horrible, white-patched frog from hell. There is no end – only pranks.

VernKwan

1. Who likes to buy little gifts for the other?

Seungkwan is a sentimental boy and he’s constantly buying bracelets or charms for Hansol’s backpacks because he loves to lavish Hansol in love and attention. Hansol’s a little embarrassed because he’s not so good at buying gifts, but Seungkwan’s constantly assuring him that it’s Hansol’s actions that he cares about. Seungkwan buys Hansol small gifts because he wants to, not because he’s expecting anything in return. Hansol repays Seungkwan in kisses and the occasional foot rub anyway.

4. Who cracks themselves up with their own dumb jokes?

Hansol thinks he’s hilarious. He can never finish his jokes because he’s too busy laughing about it. It exasperates Seungkwan, but he also finds it adorable because he loves seeing Hansol laugh so hard he can’t sit up straight.

8. Who likes to ask random, off-topic questions with no prompting?

Hansol. He just... he has random thoughts, because his train of thought runs on a zig-zaggy line that can go anywhere at any one point in time. He also doesn’t see any problem in just blurting out whatever he’s thinking. As someone who’s usually very blunt, Seungkwan appreciates that Hansol doesn’t feel like he needs to mince words or hold back, even if it’ll interrupt whatever Seungkwan is talking about.

10. Who finds it absolutely hilarious how ticklish the other is?

Seungkwan... is very ticklish and very loud about it. Hansol once accidentally brushed Seungkwan’s sensitive side while they were making out. Seungkwan screamed and pushed Hansol off the bed. He was very sorry about it... up until Hansol went in for another tickle that almost made Seungkwan pee himself. Seungkwan loves Hansol, but he won’t hesitate to karate chop him in the throat when Hansol tickles him.

15. Who is constantly trying to prank the other?

Seungkwan! He’s always... pranking Hansol. Always. Sometimes Hansol gets it and that’s okay – Seungkwan won’t hesitate to drop the joke and soothe Hansol’s confusion. Seungkwan’s pranks don’t always work, but Hansol has the patience of a saint. Not to mention the pranks always go over his head.

One time, Seungkwan put salt in Hansol’s coffee. Hansol’s coffee ended up being switched with Jihoon’s. It was a bad day for everyone.

Feel free to ask me more of these ship asks here!

[eaitlinaw-blog]

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[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - imperfect Part 1 - Chapter 19 - The Final Monologue

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 6k words

Chapter 19 - The Final Monologue

A few days later, when Seokmin’s eyes opened to the sound of his alarm, it was clear something wasn’t right. His limbs felt heavy, and he was freezing cold despite being drenched in a layer of sweat under the covers. When he tried to swallow, it felt as if he had glass in his throat. “Augh…” Seokmin forced himself to sit up, and it felt as if he was in a fish tank. The room spun around him, the motion immediately making him fall back on the bed. “Oh…oh no…” He grumbled under his breath. Another attempt to sit up resulted in the same thing, Seokmin laying back in the bed. “No, no, no…why.” Seokmin rasped out, the mere action of talking made him cough. His throat felt shredded, and he whined.

Seungkwan, perceptive as always, noticed when Seokmin had uncharacteristically not gotten out of bed yet. “Hyung?” he called through the door. “Are you okay?”

“No.” His voice was raspy, barely audible even to himself. Immediately, the door flung open. It hit the wall, hard, and Seokmin thought his head would collapse in on itself.  

“Are you sick?” Seungkwan made his way over to the bedside. Eyes closed to ease the headache, Seokmin felt a hand on his sizzling forehead. “Aish! You’re burning up!”

“Mmm, I’m fine.” Seokmin shifted in bed. “I have to go to work.”

“What? Your fever must be making you delirious. You can’t go to work like this!” Seungkwan reached for Seokmin’s phone on his head. “You need to call out of work.”

“I can’t…they need me today…” Seokmin could barely keep his eyes open.

“Hyung.” Seungkwan frowned. “Come on.” Seokmin could hear tapping on his phone, coughing into his fist and curling farther under the covers. “I’ll call.”  Seokmin couldn’t even muster the strength to argue, nestling into the pillow. It sounded like Seungkwan was talking under water, barely audible. After a second, when Seokmin finally managed to get enough strength to roll over, Seungkwan set the phone to speaker and passed it to him. “They want to see if you’re okay.”

“Who?”

“Me, Seokmin.” The familiar sound of his boss made Seokmin’s eyes shoot open, adrenaline rushing through his veins. He wanted to sit upright, but could only stare at the phone. “You’re sick?”

“No.” Seokmin coughed out. “I just need a few minutes, then I’ll-.”

“You sound awful, Seokmin.” His voice was gentle. “Don’t worry. Stay home and rest up. We’ll figure out your schedule when you feel better.”

“But-.”

“No buts. Your finals are coming up too, yeah? You can’t be sick for those. We’ll manage. I’ll make Chan work overtime.”

“Dad, what?!” A faint gasp was heard on the other line. Seokmin could barely hear his boss explain the situation to Chan, whose voice immediately got clearer when he approached the phone. “You’re sick, hyung?” The worry in Chan’s voice made Seokmin feel even more guilty.

“Mmm…I’m sorry.” He murmured.

“Don’t be!” Chan assured. “Get lots of water and sleep. I’ll handle things here!” Seokmin watched as Seungkwan took the phone back, thanking the store manager and hanging up.

Seokmin closed his eyes again, an exhausted groan ripping through his body. If this cold wanted to stay so bad, the least it could do was kill him entirely. Then, he wouldn’t have to sit with this guilt of calling out at the last minute. Another realization pressed to the forefront of his brain, and he felt like he wanted to throw up. “Joshua-hyung.”

“No, I’m Seungkwan.” His roommate almost sounded amused.

Seokmin whined. “No. We have to study.” Seokmin finally managed to sit himself up in bed, eyes half-lidded as he put his own hand to his forehead.

“Well, you can’t do that either. I’ll call him too.” Seokmin placed an open hand by his head.

“I’ll do it…” a raspy whisper let out. Phone in hand, Seokmin had to blink a few times to get to Joshua's contact number. He hit the call button and pressed it to his ear.

It’s nice having someone to study with like this.

Joshua’s optimistic comment made Seokmin blink back tears, putting his hand in his hair, brushing his bangs from his forehead. He would be so disappointed…Seokmin could barely figure out what to say to Joshua when he-.

“Seokmin!” The cheery voice on the other end of the phone wasn’t even enough to break this vicious wave of sickness coursing through Seokmin’s veins. “What’s up? I was just eating breakfast.”

“Hyung, I-.” A cough interrupted his sentence, leaning forward and curling himself into a ball.

“Woah…” Joshua’s voice immediately dropped to one of concern. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“I think so. I’m not sure where I got this from, but…” Seokmin groaned. “About today….”

“Do you have medicine?” Seokmin looked over to Seungkwan as he headed out the room to check.

“I don’t know…”

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“I’m sorry….” Seokmin gasped again. This apology hurt much worse than the one he gave his boss. The way his heart stung; a heart attack might be less painful.

“Don’t be.” Joshua’s voice was gentle. “Get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay…” Seokmin waited for Joshua to end the call first before falling back in the bed, covering his face with his hands. Seungkwan fumbling in the kitchen for medicine made the pounding in Seokmin’s head increase, and he tossed a pillow over his face. Then, he coughed so hard he couldn’t breathe, tossing the pillow to the side so he could gasp for air. “This sucks…” he murmured to himself.

Within minutes, the pull of sleep battled with Seokmin’s subconscious, forcing his eyes to close under the sheer weight of themselves in hope this headache would finally stop. Seokmin was not someone known to fight back, and simply let the sickness take over his body and drag him back to sleep.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         Seokmin wasn’t sure how long he was out before his senses all finally began coming back to him. The first part of his body to turn on was his ears, barely able to pick up the audio in the other room. He could hear someone talking, but who…he couldn’t tell yet. Frustrated brows knitted together as he tried his best to focus.

         “He’s been asleep since you called.” That was Seungkwan.

         “Can I see him? I’ll be quiet.” That was….

         A burst of energy shot Seokmin upright like a bullet, sending all of the pressure in his body to the front of his head. He had to blink a few times, take a few deep breaths, in order to steady himself. What was Joshua doing here?!

         He’s going to walk in and see me looking like this? Oh my God, how embarrassing. Seokmin turned his head, but all of that build-up of pressure slid around his skull like a ping pong ball, and he immediately felt nauseous again. When footsteps were heard by the door, Seokmin’s first thought was the best one. Hide. Tossing himself under the blanket, he nestled into the pillow. Hopefully, Joshua would see he was asleep and just leave. If he got Joshua sick next, he would never live with himself.

         “Seokmin?” A gentle voice called. It made Seokmin feel warmth envelop him; not one of feverish sickness but one of fondness. When the bed shifted, Seokmin had to keep himself from peeking out from the covers. He only gripped them tighter. “Ah, you’re probably asleep still.” It sounded like something plastic was being opened, Seokmin trying to guess what he could possibly have. “I brought you medicine, and some soup. Jeonghan said to bring some tea, so I have that.” Seokmin listened as Joshua set things onto his end table, before the room finally fell into silence. The longer Seokmin kept his entire body under the thick blanket, the warmer he felt. He could barely keep his eyes open anymore, but just as they were about to close, a hand slipped through the blanket, pressing against Seokmin’s forehead. He gasped at the contact, but felt his entire body relax. A hum from outside the covers, before they were pulled back.

         Seokmin looked up to see Joshua looking down at him. He smiled a bit. “So, you are awake?”

         “Barely.” Seokmin murmured. When he tried to sit up, gentle hands guided him back down.

“Hey, hey. Don’t get up. Just stay here.” Seokmin felt too weak to protest, simply nodding his head.  Joshua finally pulled his hand away and got up from the side of the bed. “I’ll get you something cold to try and drop the fever. Have you taken medicine yet?” When he saw a non-verbal shake of Seokmin’s head, Joshua pointed to his end table. “Take something, I’ll be right back.”

         The sound of Joshua’s footsteps heading towards the door made Seokmin finally open his eyes again. “You…” Joshua turned around when Seokmin coughed into his hand. “You didn’t have to come over. Or get all of this.” He reached out and took a bottle into his hands.

         Joshua smiled a bit, shrugging. “Yeah. I know.” He assured. “But, I wanted too.” And he slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

         A shot of cold and flu medicine later, and Seokmin was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling as Joshua returned with a cool rag. “Here.” He hummed, leaning forward and setting it on his forehead. “That should help a bit.”

         The damp rag pressing against Seokmin’s forehead resulted in the biggest sigh of relief. It felt as if his fever was already starting to melt away. Heavy eyes watched Joshua scan the bedroom, pointing at his bookshelf, specifically at his ravioli plush sitting comfortably with the sleepy deer. “Oh, right!” Scrounging through the bag, he pulled out a stuffed teddy bear in a robe, holding a little tea cup. “I saw this at the store and thought you’d like it.” He chuckled. 

Despite feeling like they were held down by two bricks, Seokmin’s eyes sparkled as he took the stuffed animal into his hands. “How cute!” He looked up at Joshua with gratitude in his eyes. “Thank you.” 

“Want me to put him with all the others?” Seokmin nodded, watching him set the teddy bear beside the ravioli plush, chuckling. “There. They can keep each other company while you focus on getting better.” Seokmin turned his head to watch Joshua approach the bookshelf next, studying the spines of the books.  “Can I read one of these?” he asked.

         Seokmin managed a raspy: “Yeah.” As Joshua pulled a book out by its spine and flipped through the pages. He sat cross-legged on the floor, reading the inside cover’s synopsis. With an intrigued hum, he flipped it open and began to read. “Which one did you pick?” Seokmin’s eyes closed as he listened.

         “Romantic Tales from Old Korea.” He mused. “I think my grandma has this book. An older version.” The sound of pages turning and Joshua’s interested humming was enough white noise to relax Seokmin’s aching bones.

         “Hyung.” Seokmin murmured. When he heard a hum, Seokmin cracked his eyes open. “You should leave, before I get you sick, too…” Joshua chuckled.

         “I don’t get sick.”

         A pause. “Hyung….You were just in the hospital….” Joshua turned and simply put a finger to his lips.

         “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He teased. “That’s just your fever making you delusional.” Though it hurt his throat, Seokmin managed an amused giggle. Joshua scooted towards the end of the bed, pressing his back against the side. Seokmin rolled on to his side, the towel falling off his head. He nestled himself under the blankets more when a chill ran through his body.

         For a quiet few minutes, Joshua skimmed through the book in his hands while Seokmin watched as much as he could through half-lidded eyes. Joshua moved from his seat, turning to face Seokmin. He reached forward and fixed the towel on Seokmin’s head, smiling a bit. "You look sleepy, Seokmin…” he said softly.

         Seokmin shook his head. “But you’re here.”

         “And I’ll be here when you wake up, too.” He assured softly. Seokmin frowned a bit. “Promise.”

         Seokmin watched as Joshua nestled back against the side of the bed, opening the book back up and quietly continuing to read. Seemingly comforted by the knowledge that Joshua would still be there when he woke up, he found himself easily lulled back to sleep.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         It was already getting dark when Seokmin fully began waking up. His throat was still scratchy, and he coughed a few times. The end table light was on, and when Seokmin sat up, Joshua was still sitting at the edge of the bed flipping through another book. The towel that fell onto his lap was now warm. His head was still pounding, but he felt leagues better than he did only a few hours earlier.

         Joshua seemed to sense the commotion in the bed, because he looked up. “Hey, sleepy head.” He smiled. Seokmin looked over.

         “What time is it?” A groggy voice asked, rubbing his eyes.

         “About 4.”

         “I’ve been asleep almost ten hours?!” Seokmin gasped.

         “When I got here it was about 11. And since then you’ve been on and off falling asleep.” Joshua said. “You were barely awake, though.”

         “Oh…” Seokmin rubbed his eyes. His stomach growled, the desire of food suddenly hitting him like a truck.

         “I can see if Seungkwan has dinner plans or something.” Joshua stood up, stretching a bit.

         “I can’t believe you stayed here the entire day. Didn’t you need to study?” Joshua seemed unphased.

         “It’s alright. I got some stuff done yesterday. I’ll catch up tomorrow.” Joshua sat on the edge of the bed, pressing his hand to Seokmin’s forehead again. Seokmin’s eyes shot up to Joshua’s gaze. The gentle touch on his forehead made his heart skip a beat. “You don’t feel as warm as you did this morning.”

         “Mhm…” Seokmin could barely form words. Not because his throat was killing him, but because Joshua was so close to him. “I think I need to…shower.”

         Joshua smiled a bit. “Good idea. Then, we need to make sure you eat something.” Swinging his legs off the bed, Joshua got up once again. Seokmin watched Joshua put the books back on the shelf. Seokmin dragged himself out of bed, running a hand through his hair. Joshua headed out of the room, turning into the kitchen to call for Seungkwan. Seokmin trudged to the doorframe, leaning against it.

         “Have you decided on dinner yet?”

         “No. Is Seokmin-hyung awake? Is he hungry?”

         “He’s about to take a shower.” Joshua pulled his wallet from his back pocket and pulled out a credit card. “Here. Order from somewhere you guys usually get from. Wherever you like.”

         “Wh-.” Seungkwan hesitated, but took the card. “Are you sure?”

         “Of course!” Joshua assured. “Whatever you guys want. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

         Seungkwan looked over at Seokmin, who was way too tired to even look stunned. He headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. A deep sigh escaped his lips, and he listened for a minute as Joshua and Seungkwan discussed local places to get dinner from. Turning the shower on, Seokmin allowed the steam to envelop him. With a deep breath that only pained him a little, he could feel his sinuses already starting to clear.

         By the time he was out of the shower, Joshua and Seungkwan were on the couch, watching TV. Joshua was the first to look over when the door opened, smiling. “Dinner will be here in like 20 minutes.”

         Seungkwan pointed to the coffee table, where a pot and three cups were waiting. “We made tea.” He said. “Come sit.”

         “I’ll get you guys sick.” Seokmin said. Joshua simply motioned him over.

         “I sat in your room for like 5 hours. It’ll be fine.” When Seokmin sat down on the far end of the couch, Seungkwan leaned forward.

         “Joshua-hyung let us order so much stuff!” Seungkwan beamed, grabbing Joshua’s arm. Seokmin saw a proud grin on Joshua’s face as he looked down at the youngest of the three.

         “We ordered from the fried chicken place Seungkwan said you guys like.” He passed over a cup of tea. “Apparently, they have really good boneless wings?”

         Eyes lighting up with the thought of delicious food, Seokmin looked to Joshua with thanks, only to be caught with the older smiling back before lifting the cup in his hands with a gracious ‘cheers’. Mirroring the motion, Seokmin finally allowed himself to breathe in the earthy, Jasmine scent as the honey soothed his throat. The blush on his cheeks completely due to the fever and not the generous and handsome man sitting at his kitchen table.

         “I’ll be the judge of that.” He leaned back in his seat. Seokmin watched him silently. He could still feel Joshua’s gentle hand on his forehead, the gentle way he stared at him, studying his features for any signs of illness. Something was blooming in Seokmin’s chest for those twenty minutes between the food being ordered and arriving at the door.

         Joshua got the delivery with Seungkwan’s help, the spread taking up the entire coffee table. He looked up at Seokmin with yet another fond smile, one that made Seokmin look down at his tea cup and press it to his lips to hide his own giddiness. Cutting through all the brain fog lingering exhaustion, one thought cut through his mind.

         I love Joshua Hong...

         Seokmin felt his body freeze up. Was that the fever talking? He couldn’t tell. Joshua sat beside him, immediately noticing his demeanor.

“You okay?” His hand pressed against his forehead to check for a temperature change. 

“Yeah.” Seokmin squeaked. With a smile, he tossed a blanket over Seokmin’s legs and feet, making sure it was covering him up properly.

“There.” He turned to the coffee table and grabbed a plate of wings, passing them over to Seokmin. “These ones look the tastiest.”

“You don’t want them, then?” Seokmin took the plate. Joshua shook his head.

“You deserve the best ones.” 

As Joshua turned to make his own plate, something in Seokmin clicked like a light switch. He studied the man at his side and beyond all of the brain fog, chills, and nerves, things finally began settling into place. 

Love had crept up behind Seokmin, and had so subtly enveloped him. It came in the shape of crescent moon eyes, and a charming smile. It felt like gentle hands threading in his hair, squeezing his shoulder, or giving him the best parts of a meal when he’s sick. Love didn’t yell from the rooftops that it was there, it didn’t have too. It wormed its way into Seokmin’s life, holding his heart as gently as it held his hand until Seokmin was ready to give himself fully to it. And God did he feel ready. 

I deserve this…I deserve him.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         Luckily, Seokmin had recovered from his cold before finals began. With a shot of cough medicine and a pain reliever, Seokmin was ready to take on anything.

         Well, until his mother called.

         “How are you feeling?”

         “Better. I just have a bit of a cough now.”

         “Everyone’s getting sick. Someone at work probably gave me their cold, too. I’m feeling more tired than usual. Why do people go out when they’re sick and inconvenience others?"

         “Sorry to hear that.”

His mother didn’t seem too upset, quickly changing the subject of conversation: “Are you coming home for Christmas?”

“Of course, I am, Mom.” Seokmin nestled the phone between his ear and shoulder as he watched eggs cook in the pan. He had to be in class for his first round of finals in an hour, and he was already on edge. “Why do you think I wouldn’t?”

“I just want to make sure I won’t spend Christmas alone.”

“Auntie is coming over, isn’t she? And Yunah?”

“What does that matter? Are you not coming?”

“I said I was.” Seokmin’s breath hitched.

“Alright, good. Is all your shopping done?”

“Yes.” Seokmin had his shopping done by the end of October. Like he does every year. Sliding the eggs onto a plate, he turned and called to Seungkwan as he was nestled on the couch for a few more minutes of shut eye. “Mom, I promise, I’ll be home once finals are all over and the semester ends.”

“Okay. Good luck on your finals.” She said. “Text your sister too. Her finals started yesterday, and she’s nervous.”

“I already did.” Seokmin smiled a bit. “Talk later, Mom. Love you.” He quickly hung up, setting his phone in his back pocket. The plate was still in his hand, and he sighed. “Boo Seungkwan!” He called, turning his head. Seungkwan shot up from the couch, hair sticking from all ends as he turned to the older male in the kitchen. “Breakfast. Before it gets cold, then we need to go.”

Fumbling off the couch, Seungkwan staggered to him half asleep. It was amazing he was able to walk in a straight line since his eyes were still half-closed. He took the plate, muttering a sleepy thank you under his breath. Seokmin used one hand to pass him a cup of coffee, and the other to smooth out Seungkwan’s hair. The gentle care made Seungkwan smile a bit as he sat down at the breakfast table and began to eat. Seokmin rested his hip against the counter, sipping his own coffee as he watched Seungkwan eat.

A vibration pulled his attention to his phone for a moment, and he saw a text from Eunkyung.

[Kyungie <3] (now): Good luck on your exams! I’ll be cheering for you! Can’t wait to see you at Christmas! I need all the updates about your boyfriend!

The last comment made Seokmin grip the phone so tightly his fingertips bloomed red. However, he did send a very lengthy reply of good luck, sharing his sentiments of seeing her for the holidays, before shoving his phone into his pocket.

When Seungkwan finished his breakfast, the duo grabbed their stuff and headed for the bus station, a weeks’ worth of final exams awaiting them across town.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

Finals, at least during the beginning of the week, came and went without a hitch. Before they began, Seokmin sent a text to Joshua.

[Seokmin] (7 days ago): Good luck! We can do this!

Joshua sent a smiley face sticker, but his replies were sporadic the entire week. Seokmin would usually be anxious, but he left school each day mentally taxed, crashing in his bed and falling asleep before he could even register that another day had passed without hearing much of anything from Joshua. Before any of them knew it, it was Friday, the last day of the semester, and the day of Seokmin’s final monologue presentation.

The group had gathered in the auditorium, a place familiar to Seokmin with all of the table reads and cast meetings he’d had up until that point. Everyone settled into their seats, the professor sitting right in the center, where he got the best view of the stage. He wasted no time, going directly down the list of students. Seokmin watched with bated breath as each person before him went and performed their monologue, giving a brief description of their creative process over the course of the semester.

“Do you feel ready?” Junhui’s hushed voice almost shocked Seokmin out of his far-off thoughts. He managed a nod. “Good. I’m excited to hear yours.” He grinned.

“Yours too.” Seokmin whispered. He turned his attention back to the other students. That is, until the sound of his phone buzzing in his back pocket caught his attention. He looked down, unlocking it to see a message from Joshua. His eyes widened. Seokmin usually wouldn’t check his phone in class in fear of being caught, but without realizing it, he opened up the message.

[Shua] (now): Last final finished! I’m so relieved!

Good luck on your monologue! Call me after, yeah?

         Immediately, Seokmin felt a new surge of confidence coursing through his veins.

         [Seokmin] (now): Congratulations on finishing! I wish you could see my performance! I’ll do my best!! I’ll call you once I’m out of class! (:

         “Lee Seokmin!” The booming voice made him perk up, eyeing the stage as his professor turned to scan the class. He got up, holding his monologue and heading to the stage. The professor stifled through a portfolio, pulling out the draft Seokmin had submitted weeks prior. “Tell us about your monologue briefly.”

         “I made a few minor changes, but it’s about trying to understand love.” He paused. “Which I know sounds unoriginal, but I think I’ve put a personal spin on those feelings.” A content smile formed on the professor’s face, offering a silent nod for him to begin. Seokmin looked out into the crowd of his classmates, then back down to the paper gripping tightly into his hands. He had the entire thing memorized already, but the second he stepped into the room, it was as if the monologue was left behind, completely wiped from his memory. His professor was typing away at the computer, waiting patiently for Seokmin to start. He shot a glance at Junhui, who offered two thumbs up and a supportive grin. San was behind him, immediately sensing Seokmin needed a bit of support and offering him the exact same pose. Seokmin took a deep breath, eyes casting down at the paper for only a moment as he sat down on the chair that was left on the stage.

         You’re only good at acting when you have a script in front of you, hm?

         Jihoon’s banter tickled the back of his ears, and he set the paper on the floor by his feet. He didn’t need anything to fall back on. He had been basically writing this monologue since the first time a familiar evergreen sweater and long, brown hair had stepped into his view. He just didn’t know it at the time. With a deep breath, he put on his best performance thus far - if it even was a performance to begin with.

“I’m usually pretty good at mediating other people's problems, but when it matters, I can’t seem to do the same for myself. Right now, I’m stuck looking at the same word two different ways, and there’s nobody but me who can figure out my own definition.” He stuck his hands out in front of him, mimicking the action of holding something as if he were a scale. “I don’t know what it means to be ‘in’ love, or how it differs from just regular love. I know what love is. I love a lot of people, like my family and my friends. But I’m not in love with them, despite what some of them like to say..." He heard Junhui snicker from his seat. “I’ve studied romance novels and movies like textbooks, but I still don’t know if I’m ready for the test that life wants to give me.” Seokmin paused, tilting his head to the side as he studied his hands, lifting one of them to draw attention. “I want to do right by the people in my life. I want them to be happy because I love them. When they’re upset, I’m upset, too. People say that makes me a good person, but I don’t know if that’s true.” He looked at his other hand. “I think being in love is much more intense than that. I can tell because my chest has never felt so tight. I’ve never been so scared to simply breathe the wrong way in my entire life since I discovered the possibility that I could be in love. But…” his hands both fell onto his lap, clenching into fists. “I also don’t think I’ve ever been so happy. I’ve never felt such a warmth like this with anyone else. I want to experience things I don’t think I’d otherwise be interested in simply because it’ll make them smile. I want to do right by this person that has made me feel this way because I’m….in love with them?” He groaned. “I don’t know. I want to believe my friends when they say I’m overthinking, but isn’t that what someone does when they’re-.” Air quotes. “In love?” A little giggle from a classmate, but he didn’t look up to see who it was. “Not even pulling petals off flowers is enough to help me figure this out…”

His eyes darted to Junhui, who flashed a quick thumbs up. “My biggest fear has been keeping me up at night, just like so many things in my life do. What if I make a mistake? What if I read the signals wrong and get too caught up in the moment, only to make a fool of myself? What if I ruin everything, and the one person I’ve felt so much happiness with wants no part of me anymore?” He was silent for a few seconds, rubbing his hands together. His eyes looked down at the bracelet he had on his wrist from their bracelet date almost a month and a half ago, and he licked his lips for a second before continuing. “It wouldn’t be the first time, so you think I would be used to it. But that’s the scariest part of all. Thinking of this person not in my life, for something I caused, makes me sick to my stomach. It takes the air out of my lungs and makes my heart sting.” Seokmin leaned back in the chair. “I wish I were brave enough to simply go for it, like they do in romance novels, so I can finally end this chapter and get the happy ending I envy others for having. But that’s selfish, and I don’t want to be selfish.” He bit his lip. “I just want to be happy. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, but until now, it felt like it was. I haven’t felt deserving of being ‘in’ love because other people deserved it more than I did. But I want to feel confident in my decisions going forward because I know that’s what they would encourage of me.” He smiled a bit. “They make me want to be a better, more confident person. They make everything feel so easy, in a way other people in my life can’t - or won’t.” Looking up as if he were scanning a full audience before him, he took a deep breath. “I want to be just like everyone else. I want to make my own decisions, do what I think is best, and know it’ll be okay because someone tells me it will be. I want to know what it feels like to love and be loved. But I can’t do any of that if I stay the way I am now. I need to be proactive…I want this to work. I want to be ‘in’ love.” He paused. “And it’s not selfish when I say that I deserve it.” That part wasn’t in the script. 

The first few seconds of silence as he finished made Seokmin inhale an extra deep breath. His eyes scanned the entire auditorium, before they finally found Junhui. Both his hyung and San shot up, starting a round of applause with beaming smiles on their faces. Seokmin stood up from the chair, offering a polite bow to everyone, a proud grin on his face.

         “Great work, Seokmin.�� The professor beamed. Scribbling in his notes, Seokmin returned back to his seat. Junhui threw an arm around him and smiled.

         “That was great, Seokminnie!” Junhui beamed. Seokmin smiled. “Definitely better than your first one about the lead or whatever.”

         “Thank you!” Seokmin felt relieved that he was done with his finals for the semester. In a matter of minutes, school would be over for a few weeks. Seokmin would be able to return home for the holidays, and-.

         Suddenly, a pit of anxiety fell into his stomach, blooming into a flower field of doubt. He’d be home…for the holidays….at the hands of his family’s chaos. Alone. His Auntie would only be there for Christmas, and he’d be left to pick up the pieces if anything were to shatter. His smile gradually fell on his face, turning to the exit of the auditorium. “I’ll be right back…” he said softly, excusing himself before Junhui or San could open their mouths to protest.

         Seokmin stepped outside of the auditorium, taking an extra deep breath. He closed the door behind him quietly, not disturbing the person who was currently presenting their monologue. He ran a hand through his hair. For a moment, he enjoyed that there was silence, it allowed him time to catch his breath. He hadn’t been home since the summer, almost 5 months ago. All situations he had through that time with his family were over the phone, able to end just by clicking a single ‘END’ button – though he knew he never would. Seokmin sighed, furrowing his brows together as he tried to calm himself down before he had an anxiety attack over something that wasn’t happening for another few days.

      Another few seconds, and Seokmin returned into the auditorium, sitting beside Junhui. The older seemed to notice the discomfort on his face, because he reached over and patted Seokmin on the head, almost as if he were a cat. It worked, for now, Seokmin’s shoulders relaxing as the rest of the class ticked away.

After this class came to an end, he had to kick it into high gear. There was one more task he needed to complete before the holidays rolled around. Pulling out his phone, he typed in the name of the karaoke bar he was hoping to book.

“Are you free after finals to come to karaoke for Shua-hyung’s birthday?” he asked Junhui. The older looked over, nodding his head.

“Sure.” He said. “Minghao, too?”

“Of course!” Seokmin assured. “I’m inviting as many people as I can. I want everyone to be there. This’ll be our last activity before everyone goes home for the holidays.” Junhui leaned against him as they walked from the auditorium, watching as Seokmin pulled up the karaoke bar’s information.

“You’re really excited.” Junhui commented with a smile.

Seokmin felt his cheeks tint a bit pink and he smiled. “I am. I want it to be perfect.”

As if summoned by the word, a notification from Joshua popped up on the top of his phone. Seokmin smiled to himself. It was a photo of one final sticky note from Joshua’s education textbook that read: “Fighting!” With a smiley face and squiggly flower doodled on either side of it.

[Shua] (now): Fighting to you too! I’m sure your monologue was the best one!

Seokmin smiled at the message. Suddenly, his eyes widened, and he turned to Junhui. The quickness of the motion made the older jump in surprise.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“…I need to get him a birthday present!” Junhui’s only response was a laugh.

“Then, so do I.” He put his hand in his pocket. “Joshua-hyung seems like the kind of guy who would love you if you gave him a box with a picture of yourself inside or something.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know but he would like it, is what I’m saying.” Seokmin looked back down at his message, a supportive pat on the shoulder. “Let’s go to the mall and do some shopping today.”

Seokmin nodded his head. “Okay.” He said, reassured. “That sounds fun.”

He needed to make this entire party go off without a hitch. He wanted it to be perfect. It felt as if the rest of his life was riding on this one event, on the one thing he needed to do before it came to an end.

He needed to confess to Joshua Hong. And figuring out what he would say was going to be harder than any monologue he’d ever have to write or sickness he’d have to battle. 

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[junhaoclub]

they’re like ocean waves (teaser)

anonymous asked: “A junhao pirate!au where they're both captains of the two strongest ships in asia (the world??). Just a cute rival to lovers! It can be any length you want to but the longer the better! Tysm!!<33”

✧ pairings → junhao (junhui ♡ minghao), side jihancheol, side meanie and a smattering of undecided side pairings

✧ genre → action (angst, fluff, smut - to come)

✧ warnings → swords, knives (violence, guns, cannons - to come)

✧ words → 906

junhui’s a pirate who hid his “famous” treasure and now everyone is desperate to find it before anyone else can. especially minghao, a bad bitch pirate who takes what he wants and isn’t afraid of anything (except for maybe love). junhui makes it his goal to help minghao when he realizes just how out of his depth the younger boy is.

✎ read the fic here

The water is cold and stretches for as far as the eye can see. The ocean is vast and blue, calm on this day.

Minghao stands at the helm, hands firm on the steering wheel as he gazes over his crew. After that raid he led in the Great Eastern Sea some years ago, he never thought his crew would grow to include Koreans. But there's no mistaking the men before him.

Seokmin is manning the masts, a handkerchief wrapped tight around his head, shielding his dark hair from the fiery rays of the sun as he makes sure their new white sails are being set up correctly. Sweat runs down Mingyu's arms as he lifts barrels of gunpowder down into the cargo hold and Minghao can't help but stare at the slightly older man. Seokmin and Mingyu are older than Minghao, but they've never faltered in showing their respects to him. They owe Minghao their lives and enjoy working under his rule, making sure that his strict code is enforced throughout all of Minghao's fleet which Minghao appreciates, considering how many men work for him.

Seungkwan and Hansol are bickering at the bow and Minghao rolls his eyes, debating whether or not to break up their argument. He decides against it when Chan pushes in between them and forces them back to work, the teen laden down with heavy coils of rope Minghao is surprised he can carry. Seungkwan pushes at Hansol's arm and follows after Chan, leaving Hansol to look after them, an offended look on his face. Minghao is still partially confused over whether Hansol is actually Korean or not due to his European features, but he doesn't voice it because race and ethnicity have never been important things to Minghao.

Appearances don't make up a person's worth in his opinion, it's their actions and willingness to improve that really matter to him.

Minghao watches as his small crew works to keep the ship steady and flowing easily across the bright waters. They're in the South China Sea at the moment (Chan had made a big show of his maps and markings, proclaiming their location in an excited voice once they'd passed the borders) and the water is calm.

Too calm.

Minghao doesn't know why he's so bothered by the relaxed lull of the sea around them. He's in a hurry to find what he's been searching for for years. After meeting with the captain of his northern fleet, Yixing, a month ago, Minghao had been given the last puzzle piece of the information he needed. Now he and his most trustworthy men are on their way to find the treasure.

He should be relieved about their lack of run-ins with the Qing Imperial Navy and other enemy pirates, but he just can't shake the feeling that something terrible is about to happen. It's like an itch he can't scratch and it's been bothering him ever since they set sail for the island.

Still, Minghao continues to watch over his crew, laughing to himself when Seokmin wipes his brow then flicks his sweat at Seungkwan. Seungkwan's squeals are loud and overdramatic, but the man himself has always been dramatic so it's really nothing new. Chan flicks his fingers at Seungkwan's arm and darts away when Seungkwan turns to face him, a look of irritation deforming his features. Hansol is next to strike, slapping Seungkwan's ass before he runs past Minghao and up towards the poop deck.

Minghao ignores them again, instead focusing on Seokmin folding up their old red sails and putting them away in an inconspicuous box. It'd been Minghao's idea to change their sails. Waving the red sails of the Red Flags would most definitely draw unwanted attention to their average-looking ship and though Minghao is itching for any kind of action, he also doesn't want to put the lives of his crew at unnecessary risk. Better to pretend they're a neutral ship in unfamiliar waters instead of entering with guns blazing.

Seokmin finishes putting the sails away, nodding at Mingyu when the tanned man comes forward to pick up the box. They exchange a few words that Minghao can't quite make out over the roar of the sea, humming of the ship and snapping of the new sails against the wind, but there's no mistaking the matching grins that spread across their faces once Mingyu turns to head below deck and deposit the box into their stores. Minghao's grip is as firm as ever on the steering wheel of the ship, but there's a blurb of something coming up on the horizon and Minghao's already turning to port side where Chan is scampering up the ratlines to get high enough on the masts to use his telescope.

"Captain!"

Chan is waving his hands around, pointing at the blurb that's getting closer by the second and Minghao doesn't know whether to be alarmed by the black sails or not.

"Captain! Incoming ship!" Chan yells again, this time gaining the attention of everyone on board.

Mingyu rushes up onto the main deck, a little breathless and immediately spots the ship. Minghao frowns at the approaching black sails, but makes no move to alter their course. They have nothing to worry about, not when Minghao has both his swords, his guns and a couple of knives up his sleeve.

He can easily handle whatever's heading their way.

At least, he hopes he can.

✧ notes → since this is just a teaser, that means this is only a preview of the full fic that’s to come.

if you have any questions about this au or the fic, just send me an ask. i’d be happy to discuss it with anyone

(besides i still need to decide on side pairings so if you want to give your two cents in for that, let ‘em rip)

[junhoontrash]

“Today, SEVENTEEN will show you - Reversal Charm”

[sooncoups]

Something messed up so it looks like everyone is harshly judging junhao for their actions

[jaemtens]

Rescue (Chapter 9)

seventeen | junhao | side meanie / vernkwan | chapter 9 of 10 | 36.0k

tumblr links: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 ao3 links: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

written with @rendawnie | updates every saturday morning

summary:  When Soonyoung finally “agrees” to let Junhui get a dog for their apartment, he realizes that he needed something a little bit more than a puppy. Enter Minghao, the bona fide Bad Boy™ with tattoos and piercings. Oh, and he doodles puppies and kittens in their Probability and Confirmation class.

chapter 9: junhui

“Jun, we can see you out here. You’re not sneaky.”

Junhui’s head shot up at the sound of Dokyeom’s voice coming from the now-open door of the shelter. Eyes wide, he peeked over the large bush he’d been trying to hide behind, his third hiding place in the last half an hour. Dokyeom was leaning against the door to keep it propped open, arms crossed his chest, looking disappointed and amused all at once.

“It’s fine, you can come in,” Dokyeom offered, shaking his head good-naturedly. “Minghao���s not here.”

At that, Junhui popped out from behind the landscaping, feeling forty-six percent more distressed than he had in the entire thirty minutes he’d been trying to make himself go inside the shelter.

“Not here?” Junhui squeaked, approaching Dokyeom now. “What do you mean, not here? Is he okay? Did he quit? Did he leave the country to avoid me??” Junhui was practically wringing his hands by the time he stopped almost-yelling at Dokyeom, and he’d never actually seen anyone wring their hands in real life. He hadn’t even considered it being a thing until just now.

As Junhui stood there, flailing internally and externally, watching Dokyeom watch him with a growing amount of pity, Dino appeared, poking his head out the door Dokyeom was leaning against.

“Relax, Jun. He’s just off today. People do have days off, y’know,” Dino said, chuckling.

Junhui deflated, overcome with relief. “Oh. Right. A day off,” he muttered, lowering his eyes to his shoes as he attempted to process his embarrassment. He was acting like a total idiot, and he knew it, and now Minghao’s friends knew it, too, so it would probably only be a matter of time before Minghao himself knew it, and that wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He had to pull himself together, and fast.

Dokyeom rolled his eyes, lifting himself off the door and turning to go inside. “Well, you might as well come in. I think you’re driving away all the potential visitors. People hiding in bushes are never a good sign,” he tossed over his shoulder as he disappeared into the shelter, Dino following along behind him like the puppy he was. Junhui sighed, exiting the foliage completely, dusting a few stray leaves off his sweater as he wandered in after them.

Dino was already sitting in his usual place behind the counter when Junhui made it into the shelter, Dokyeom flipping through a neatly organized file nearby. Without glancing up, Dokyeom began to talk again.

“So, did you have more questions about Lilli? Anything wrong?” he asked, and his voice sounded professional again, as if the simple act of crossing the threshold of his place of employment had the profound ability to alter his personality. Junhui was kind of marveling at that, wishing he had a tenth of the maturity, emotional and otherwise, that Minghao’s friends seemed to, when he remembered that he should probably answer Dokyeom’s questions.

“Uh. No, not really. Lilli’s great. She’s amazing,” Junhui replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I came to… I actually wanted to… um…” he trailed off, knowing that the real reason he’d come was probably already glaringly obvious, and Dokyeom had just been humoring him. Junhui was always far more obvious than he liked to believe he was. When he looked up again, both Dokyeom and Dino were just sort of staring at him, twin expressions of bemusement on their faces. Just waiting for him to state the obvious.

Well. Maybe he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction, Junhui thought, frowning a little as he stared back at the shelter employees.

Finally, Dino saved everyone in the room from a prolonged silent stare-off, and said, “You came to see Minghao, huh.”

Junhui sighed, falling onto the nearest couch, probably more dramatically than he’d meant to. “Yeah. I guess,” he groaned, throwing one arm over his eyes to shield himself from any more pitying looks Dino and Dokyeom were giving him.

Someone moved Junhui’s legs off the couch, and then he felt the piece of furniture dip with the weight of someone new sitting down next to him. He didn’t bother to look as whoever it was rearranged Junhui’s legs on their lap carefully.

“I don’t think this is the place you need to talk to Minghao, Jun,” Dino said finally, his voice thoughtful.

Junhui moved his hand enough to squint at the younger boy next to him. “What do you mean?”

Dino frowned a little, thinking hard. “I mean… this is now kind of the place where things keep getting confused between you guys, and keep going wrong. I think you need… a new place, y’know?” he suggested, looking over at Junhui.

Junhui matched his frown. “I guess you could be right. We aren’t really getting anywhere, every time we see each other here. But… he won’t talk to me in class, when he shows up, and I don’t really see him anywhere else. Where am I supposed to find him?” he questioned, at a loss.

“The shelter,” Dokyeom said from behind the desk.  “You need to find him at the homeless shelter.”

An ice cold chill ran down Junhui’s spine at hearing the same suggestion he’d gotten from Wonwoo. “I don’t think I can go there, Dokyeom. I don’t think I should,” he protested, feeling sick at the very thought of it. He wasn’t worried about actually being at the shelter itself. He wasn’t afraid of Minghao’s situation, at all. He was mostly just afraid of Minghao’s apparently extra large sense of pride, and his likely reaction to Junhui just showing up at his sort-of-home, which would probably amount to a door being slammed in his face and no further opportunities for conversation. Ever.

He realized suddenly that this trip had been pointless. He was just getting the same advice he'd already gotten. The advice he had felt so sure of at first, but then, in typical Junhui fashion, began to doubt.

Dino gave Junhui a serious look, still next to him on the couch with Junhui’s legs in his lap. “Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you should do, Jun. It matters what you need to do. Sometimes, I think…” Dino trailed off for a moment, pondering his next words before he said them, “I think the meaning of a person’s actions is more important than the actions themselves,” Dino decided after a while. “I think that you being willing to go out there and see Minghao might be the only thing that makes him pay attention.”

Junhui blinked at Dino in amazement. “Dude. How old are you, again?” he asked in disbelief.

Dino grinned. “I’m twenty!”

Sitting up, Junhui shook his head, laughing a little. “Twenty, and about twenty years worth of smarter than me. Unbelievable,” he muttered.

From across the room, Dokyeom snorted. “I know, right? It’s disturbing.”

When Junhui looked back at Dino, the kid was still smiling serenely, looking completely confident in his words. Junhui really had no choice but to accept his previous decision.

And he would. He just needed one more night to continue wallowing in the whole situation, first.

*

As he walked down the hall towards his apartment, after he’d visited the shelter, Junhui heard something strange. There were… strange noises, coming from his home. Or, maybe the apartment next door. He took a few more cautious steps in that direction, and, yep, it was definitely inside he and Soonyoung’s apartment.

Junhui heard talking. And laughter. And terrible, terrible off-key singing, interspersed between the two.

It was all very bizarre, because of late, Sooyoung had been pretty stressed and depressed. Between Junhui’s life falling apart, and what Junhui could only guess was Jihoon’s continued lack of making the first move and actually talking to Soonyoung, he’d watched helplessly as his roommate descended into a pattern of eating, sleeping, making sure Junhui and Lilli were fed, and not much else. Soonyoung had gone out the other night for the first time in weeks, but when he got back, Junhui couldn’t get a straight answer on where he’d been. It was terribly inconvenient, timing-wise, because Junhui was pretty busy melting down and shoving his head further up his own ass simultaneously, so he couldn’t really do much to help his roommate out of whatever dark hole he’d fallen down.

But now, Junhui was almost one hundred percent positive he heard Soonyoung enjoying himself, and what was more, he didn’t seem to be alone, inside the apartment.

Y’know. Unless he’d suddenly developed a split personality and the two of them were having a killer time belting out Big Bang together.

Junhui maybe should have texted Soonyoung from the hallway, before just barging in on whatever party he was having. Instead, he just sort of threw the front door open without warning, and when he did, Junhui was treated to the sight of Soonyoung and Jihoon, microphones in their hands as they danced and karaoke’d like idiots on Junhui’s (Soonyoung’s) couch. That would have been enough for Junhui to tease Soonyoung about for the next decade on its own, really. But then he noticed more.

Soonyoung and Jihoon were sitting awfully close together, for one. Legs touching, even. Both of them were blushing, and Junhui was reasonably sure it wasn’t just because “Bang Bang Bang” took a lot of effort and exertion to pull off properly.

But the most incriminating piece of evidence? That came when Junhui’s eyes lowered ever so slightly, and he saw Kwon Soonyoung and Lee Jihoon, the Meanest T.A. in the whole university (except not) holding hands, right in front of Junhui’s salad.

Right on his couch that his roommate actually owned so it wasn’t technically his couch, but, whatever.

Soonyoung vaulted off said couch when he saw Junhui, and Jihoon just sort of froze in place, still grinning and flushed as Soonyoung cut off the music swiftly, straightening up to regard his roommate.

“Jun. Hey. I didn’t think you’d be home for a while. You, uh… you know Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked, waving his arm in Jihoon’s direction and wearing an expression that positively begged Junhui not to reveal certain secrets, lest he face immediate death.

Junhui cleared his throat awkwardly, tossing his bag on the floor. “Uh… yeah. We might have met,” he began, trying not to smirk too openly. “Hey, Jihoon.”

Jihoon just sort of nodded and did some sort of vague hand gesture that Junhui guessed was probably supposed to count as a wave. He seemed to be incapable of forming words, suddenly.

No one said anything for another few seconds, until Junhui finally clapped his hands together and nodded, once. “Well. This has been sufficiently weird. I’m just gonna go to my room now,” Junhui muttered, navigating around the messy front room towards the bedroom hallway. He’d almost made it to his destination when Junhui stopped, listening for any signs of life back in the living room. It was still dead silent, and Junhui figured both Soonyoung and Jihoon were still trying to catch up with, y’know. Having been caught. In short, it was the perfect time to fuck with Soonyoung, just a little bit.

“You guys don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, now!” Junhui called into the silence, knowing his intended audience was paying attention. “Oh, and if you need a condom, Soonyoung’s got a big box of them in the drawer next to his bed, Jihoon!” Junhui continued. “They’ve been there for a while, so maybe check the expiration date first, though! You’re welcoooooooooooooome!! ” Junhui trilled, and then he walked into his bedroom and slammed the door, locking it after him just in case Soonyoung decided he didn’t want to wait, to murder his roommate.

Junhui flopped onto his bed, giggling. He didn’t know why, because he was still scared out of his mind about the idea of visiting Minghao at the homeless shelter, but he was actually starting to feel better about everything. Less mopey, for sure. Maybe it was the fact that everyone around Minghao, everyone who spent more time with him and knew him better than Junhui did so far, seemed to think that Junhui was okay. That he was good enough for their friend, hell, that he was what Minghao needed. That, in itself, was reassuring.

But, oddly, seeing Soonyoung with Jihoon had also given him a not-so-small amount of hope, if he was being perfectly honest. He’d watched Soonyoung pine over Jihoon for two years, much longer than Junhui had spent losing his mind over Minghao (yet). He’d watched Soonyoung crush on Jihoon from afar, watched him be too shy to do anything about it. And now Jihoon was in their apartment, hanging out with Soonyoung, and Junhui knew that his little push of help had only done so much to make that happen. Soonyoung probably deserved a lot of the credit too, and once Junhui was through dealing with his own shit, he’d get the whole story of how it went down out of his roommate.

Once Soonyoung was through punishing Junhui for what he’d just done, also. There was that.

Junhui laid down to sleep after a while, knowing that tomorrow was the day. He couldn’t put it off any longer, and he didn’t want to. The determination he’d felt was still there, but he also felt confident that he was doing the right thing. Nervously confident, but confident all the same. It was an improvement. Junhui could do this. He could prove that he was what Minghao needed.

He only hoped that Minghao was willing to let him in. Like, physically let him in to his room at the shelter, never mind emotionally.

That would definitely make things easier.

*

The next morning, Junhui was up before the sun. Truthfully, he hadn’t slept very much at all, so that wasn’t difficult to accomplish. He woke up early. He cleaned the living room and the kitchen. He made breakfast for himself and Soonyoung, and after a moment’s thought, added a third plate, just in case Jihoon was still there. He figured it could only help his case, in incurring as little of Soonyoung’s wrath from the previous night as possible.

Junhui had gone through his cereal, eggs, bacon, and two pancakes before Soonyoung shuffled out of his bedroom sleepily, sitting down at the table across from Junhui with a yawn. Junhui remained quiet, eating slowly as Soonyoung took in the state of the apartment, with its freshly cleaned kitchen and front room, and then stared down at his food, still steaming hot from where Junhui had kept microwaving it over and over (minus the cereal, of course) until Soonyoung showed up.

“Thanks,” Soonyoung said finally, picking up and shoving an entire sausage into his mouth. Junhui watched him as he chewed, waiting for whatever was going to happen next.

Soonyoung wiped his mouth on his arm ( gross ) and took a long swig of orange juice, regarding Junhui with a little smile on his face. “Okay. You can ask me.”

Junhui raised an eyebrow. If Soonyoung had somehow forgotten about Junhui’s betrayal at the end of the evening, he wasn’t about to remind him. “How was your night, Soonyoung?” he questioned instead.

Soonyoung grinned, stabbing some eggs and bringing them to his mouth. “Fucking phenomenal, ” he answered, stuffing his face anew. He didn’t look remotely displeased with Junhui. Just happy. It was refreshing. It made Junhui happy, too.

“I’m glad,” he said honestly, finishing off the last of his pancakes and clearing his plate himself. Soonyoung was still too sleepy and surprised and smiley to mention that Junhui was doing his entire job for him, probably. “I’ve gotta get going. I’m going to see Minghao,” Junhui said, turning off the sink and leaving the plates there as he made his way back over to Soonyoung.

At the table, Soonyoung glanced up from his food. “Oh? At the shelter?”

Junhui fought back the butterflies in his stomach. “Yeah. Just, not the animal one.”

Soonyoung finally remembered that he had a napkin, and made use of it. “Wow. Good luck, man,” he said after wiping his mouth, reaching up to pat Junhui on the back as best he could from his seat.

“Yeah,” Junhui said again. “Um… could I borrow your car? I don’t really want to take the bus since I don’t know… how long… how long I might be there,” he finished, his brain entertaining the best possible outcome of this plan for a few seconds as he zoned out where he stood.

“Sure,” Soonyoung said immediately, without argument. Holy shit. Maybe Jihoon really was good for him. Maybe they mellowed each other out, or something, Junhui thought.

Junhui smiled gratefully and plucked Soonyoung’s keys off their hook on the wall of the kitchen, taking a deep breath. “Okay. I’m gonna do this,” he said, giving Soonyoung a quick nod before he headed for the door of the apartment via the living room.

“Oh, Jun?” Soonyoung’s voice rang out, right when Junhui had almost managed to escape. His hand was on the doorknob, for crying out loud. So. Close.

Junhui cleared his throat. “Uh… yeah?” He closed his eyes, waiting for Soonyoung’s response.

“I think we should add another month to your dishes duty, for that crap you pulled last night, don’t you?” Soonyoung countered, his voice almost teasing, but Junhui knew he was serious.

He sighed, dropping his head in defeat. “Yeah, probably,” Junhui muttered, letting himself out the front door before Soonyoung could pile on any more punishments.

*

The drive to the shelter didn’t provide Junhui with nearly enough time to prepare for what he was about to do, just like the previous few days hadn’t, either. Junhui was in unfamiliar territory, now. He’d never done anything close to this, never even thought about it until Minghao. No one else had ever seemed worth the trouble, so Junhui hadn’t made an effort. But Minghao? Minghao was worth everything.

Junhui pulled Soonyoung’s car up to the curb outside the shelter he’d located with help from Wonwoo. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but the place looked okay. It wasn’t run down by any means, or even in a bad part of town. There were about ten or so rooms, lined up on two floors with separate doors outside, and Junhui craned his neck, trying to see the numbers. Dino and Dokyeom had told him that Minghao stayed in room number 8, for his favorite number. Junhui found that sort of impossibly cute, honestly.

He sat in the car for another five minutes, taking deep breaths and generally just trying to pump himself up, hopefully without going so far as to lose his breakfast all over the dashboard. It worked as much as he needed it to. It worked well enough to propel him out of the car after a while, hopping over the curb and letting himself in through the open metal gate that separated the shelter from the street.

God, what if Minghao wasn’t even home? What if he’d gone out somewhere? Junhui wondered if he’d lose his nerve completely if he was forced to try again later. It was possible. He was just going to have to find out.

Slowly, he made his way up the stairs and to the door of number 8, designated only by a single sticker slapped onto the chipped, painted wood. Junhui took a deep breath, and then he knocked.

He knocked four times, and then four more. Because eight.

Only a moment passed before Minghao’s voice sounded from inside.

“I’m not here.”

Junhui fought back a panicked chuckle. Minghao made him smile so much, underneath all the layers of nervousness he was currently experiencing. “Yes, you are,” he countered, raising his voice enough to be heard through the door.

When Minghao responded again, he sounded suspicious. “Who is it?”

Junhui didn’t answer. He was afraid that if he did, Minghao wouldn’t open the door, might tell him to leave immediately without even giving him a chance. He just stood there and waited, and after a while, that proved to be the right tactic, because he heard sounds of bed springs squeaking as Minghao got up, then feet padding towards the door.

There was no peephole, no window. Junhui was glad.

Junhui listened as Minghao unlocked the door quickly, and then, while he was in the middle of taking another deep, calming breath, Minghao opened the door a crack.

“Hi,” Junhui said right away. “I want to ta--”

Minghao frowned and slammed the door shut again.

It was about what Junhui had expected, but he wasn’t giving up that easy. He knocked again.

Inside, he heard Minghao groan. “Just go away, Jun. Please.”

Junhui set his mouth in a straight line of determination. “I’m not going anywhere, Hao.” He hoped it was alright to use the nickname. He liked the way it felt on his tongue.

When Minghao spoke again, it was quieter. Sadder. “I’m not worth the trouble, I promise,” he said softly, and Junhui frowned.

“Yes, you are. You are worth it, to me,” he said, trying to keep desperation out of his voice.

Minghao didn’t answer for a while. After almost a full minute, Junhui sighed, sitting down outside Minghao’s door and scooting as close as he possibly could. “Look, if you won’t open the door, that’s fine. I’m still going to say what I came here to say,” Jun decided firmly, leaning his head against the wood.

Still no response from the other side.

Junhui started talking.

“I know you’re embarrassed about your situation, about staying here. But, I’m not. I don’t think any less of you for it,” Junhui began, licking his lips as he thought about how to go on. “Actually, I… I think it’s really brave, Hao,” he finished, giving himself a second’s break.

“I think that… I think it’s brave that you’re trying so hard to get somewhere, and I think that being here isn’t anything to be ashamed of,” Junhui said. “It’s just a bump in your road, y’know?”

He sighed, turning his head for a moment and staring out onto the street below, at the cars going by, oblivious to what was happening above them.

“I’m sorry, Minghao,” Junhui said next. “I’m sorry that every time we saw each other, things got screwed up. I’m sorry about all the misunderstandings and everything. I never wanted any of that to happen, and then it just…” he paused, letting out a breath of air before he went on. “It just kept happening, and I didn’t know how to fix it.”

“So…” Junhui murmured, almost to himself. “I’m here. I’m here to fix it.”

He cleared his throat, scrambling for the words he needed. “I don’t have any personal experiences like this, Hao, I don’t know what this is like, but… I’ve been through things, too,” Junhui said, raising his voice again, just in case Minghao was listening. For all Junhui knew, he had put in his earbuds inside his room, the better to ignore Junhui with.

He might not have even had an audience, but Junhui told his whole story, anyway. He started at the beginning, with baseball and dancing and school and not knowing what he wanted to do with his life. He kept going, through the first part of college, when he’d finally come out to his friends. When Junhui got to the part about being scared to date for the first time, about how it felt to still not be open and honest with his family about any of it, how it made him feel alienated and sad and how it translated to his indifference and indecisiveness with school, Junhui thought he heard Minghao sit down on the other side of the door. Maybe. Maybe he was closer. Junhui hoped so, because he was kind of starting to fall apart, on his side.

“Anyway, I’m just… I’m tired of being scared, Minghao. I’m tired of being so scared that I ruin everything,” Junhui continued, fighting back tears, suddenly. “I’m tired of being too scared to try and get what I really want.” Junhui looked up as the door in front of him rattled a little, accepting the weight of a body against it, a thin piece of wood away from Junhui.

“What I want is you, Hao. I… I always have,” Junhui admitted, sniffling quietly. “I’ve liked you since the very first day I saw you in class. And every day I just… I like you more and more.”

On Minghao’s side of the door, Junhui thought he heard a small sigh, and maybe a giggle. He didn’t know which it was, or if it was either. So he kept going.

“Ever since I came out, I haven’t dated anyone. Fuck, I’ve… I’ve never even kissed a boy, officially,” Junhui said, wondering why he’d added officiallyat the end, wondering what officially even meant in this context.

“You’re the first person I’ve had such strong feelings for, ever,” Junhui confessed, feeling shy and bold all at once. “And you’re the only person I would do something like this for. The only person who’s worth it. I know you think you’re trash, Hao, but… but, god, you’re not,” Junhui insisted, face an inch from the door, reaching up and placing his palm on it as if it would add some sort of emphasis to his words.

“You’re not trash. I think you’re the best person I’ve ever met in my entire life, and I think that where you are doesn’t make you what or who you are, and I think that what you are is... “ Junhui had to stop to take a breath. He had sort of forgotten.

“I think that what you are is special, Hao. I think that you and your mind and your voice and your drawings and your dancing and your tattoos and your… the way you care about people even though you’re struggling, I think that’s amazing,” Junhui said, his words tinged with the passion he felt.

Junhui was almost done. Probably. Hopefully. “I used to be scared every day, Minghao. Scared of who I was and scared of life. But now, all I’m scared of…” Junhui closed his eyes, the words on the tip of his tongue, tears slipping down his cheeks one after the other. “All I’m scared of is you not opening that door.”

He stopped, gulping in huge breaths, both because he kept running out of air from talking so much, and also as an attempt to stop his heart racing. Until now, Soonyoung (and sort of Jihoon, he guessed) was the only person who knew all of that about Junhui. But, he trusted Minghao with it, regardless of how this turned out. He felt good about saying it all. He could leave here with as few regrets as possible, either way.

Junhui sat and stared at the door between he and Minghao for a long while, without saying anything else. He started to wonder if maybe Minghao had spent Junhui’s entire confession cutting a person-sized hole in his wall with the knife he always carried around, and had escaped through it long ago, missing everything Junhui had said.

Finally, just as Junhui was growing increasingly distracted and panicked by that thought, the door opened again.

It was just a fraction of an inch, the tiniest, tiniest sliver of a centimeter, but it was enough.

It was enough for Junhui to see Minghao on the other side, tears in his eyes and hair framing his face as he stared at Junhui nervously.

It was enough for Junhui to feel hopeful again.

It was enough for Junhui to rock forward on his heels until half his face was inside Minghao’s room, so close to Minghao that he could have counted each eyelash fanning Minghao’s slightly damp cheeks.

It was enough for Junhui to kiss a boy for the very first time, to kiss Minghao, just once, soft and sweet and full of everything he’d promised in his words. Everything he felt, and had felt.

It was enough.

Junhui had thought it would only be one kiss. That was all he’d been prepared for.

He was woefully unprepared when Minghao reached out and yanked Junhui inside by the collar of his jacket, kicking the door shut behind them once Junhui was on the right side of it and pulling Junhui closer, cool, slender hands cupping his face as they kissed and kissed.

Junhui was lightheaded and practically laying on top of Minghao by the time they had to stop and take a breath, and he just sort of stayed there while they worked on that, blinking down at Minghao and Minghao smiling up at him, just a little.

“Hi,” Minghao said finally.

“Hey,” Junhui answered, brushing Minghao’s long, in-need-of-a-cut hair away from his face.

Minghao sat up, forcing Junhui to do the same, and Junhui glanced around Minghao’s small room, at his few belongings and the bare walls, only one lamp in the corner lighting the place up.

He looked back at Minghao, who had been watching Junhui a bit anxiously. Junhui very much wanted to get back to kissing that anxiety away, but he was also suddenly consumed by one other thought, a much bigger promise than any of the ones he thought he would make to Minghao today.

One he hadn’t exactly shared with Soonyoung, since he’d only just thought of it, but oh well. He’d get to that.

“Move in with me,” Junhui said softly, still gazing at Minghao.

Minghao’s jaw dropped slightly as he looked at Junhui, clearly trying to gauge whether or not he was serious. Junhui guessed Minghao had determined he was, because he started to grin, after a few moments of silence.

“You sure you don’t wanna ask your boyfriend if it’s okay, first?” Minghao said, his grin turning crooked and a smirk in his voice.

Junhui chuckled a little, lacing his fingers through Minghao’s, watching how they fit together perfectly. Knowing everything about this was perfect. He let that thought sink in, before he replied, a dark pink blush covering his cheeks as he did.

“I’m asking him right now.”

[moon-minghao]

‘leave your lover’

anon requested: “ junhao with the prompt: "they said 'speak now or forever hold your peace' so i'm speaking up."

words: 1885

summary: “the girl is pretty. this, minghao can admit.

she is perfect for junhui, perfect in general, and when junhui introduces her to the boys, everything makes perfect sense: junhui is some sort of angel, surely, and so maybe his girlfriend has to be one, too.

(of course, there are some things that minghao won’t admit to. he won’t admit to the nights he’s spent looking in the mirror, staring at his sharp jaw and pale cheeks and thinking about how unpretty he feels, a masochistic sort of comparison)”

__________________________________________________

the girl is pretty. this, minghao can admit.

she has dark brown eyes and long black hair and her face is round, smooth and always blushing and she is all soft angles; her laugh is beautiful and her jokes are polite.

minghao can admit all of this.

she is perfect for junhui, perfect in general, and when junhui introduces her to the boys, everything makes perfect sense: junhui is some sort of angel, surely, and so maybe his girlfriend has to be one, too.

(of course, there are some things that minghao won’t admit to. he won’t admit to the nights he’s spent looking in the mirror, staring at his sharp jaw and pale cheeks and thinking about how unpretty he feels, a masochistic sort of comparison)

junhui tells minghao that he loves her.

he says it casually, offhandedly. they are all hanging out one day when she leaves to get herself another glass of water or juice or whatever, because obviously she doesn’t drink, and junhui watches her go and says “i think i’m in love.”

and minghao just says “i don’t blame you.”

(because, after all, she is celestial. and minghao is just a boy.)

they were both fresh out of college, then, and minghao was still trying to date mingyu. (which falls through; every single time). they were both fresh out of college and so painstakingly young, always exhausted from dancing through the week and partying on the weekends, and all minghao could do was pray that the girl breaks his best friend’s heart.

______

exactly four years after junhui says he is in love, he says he is engaged.

jeonghan claims to have seen it coming, wonwoo admires junhui for finally popping the question, seungcheol gets emotional, and junhui’s mother starts planning a wedding.

mingyu texts minghao. a simple text, no emojis or exclamation points, just three words. “are you alright?”

because of course, mingyu has known this entire time that minghao is head over heels for junhui. mingyu isn’t the most intelligent kid, but he sure knows how to read people. and so everyone is congratulating the soon-to-be groom and the soon-to-be bride and minghao is busy staring at his phone, feeling like an unwanted flower in the harshest of storms.

“no, of course i’m not, you idiot” he wants to say, or maybe just “no.” or maybe “no no no no no” like some child throwing a temper tantrum, angry and unfair.

but he doesn’t, instead he types: 

“of course ! i told you i already got over the cold i was complaining about. did you hear junhui’s news? i’m happy for him!! (●´ω｀●)”

and mingyu may be concerned but he hates to pry, so he just responds with a “yes, i did!!” and he leaves it at that. he knows how quickly minghao turns mean, a defense mechanism that has been ingrained in the boy since they were children.

when they see each other again, though, there are dark circles underneath minghao’s eyes and he has lost weight that mingyu didn’t even know he had.

______

the wedding is on a saturday. junhui’s brother is best man and everyone is attending, bright and smiling.

minghao goes, set jaw and blue suit, not saying a word to anyone. he sits between mingyu and soonyoung and wishes he had brought his camera, if only to take pictures of the blooming trees through the stained glass window.

soonyoung and chan are holding hands as they wait for the ceremony to begin. it's a detail that almost makes minghao smile. if any of them are to have a happy ending, he would hope it would be the two of them.

“you look tired, hyung.” chan says in a soft voice.

“been working too hard.” minghao shrugs.

which isn’t entirely true; he has been working, he always is, spending long nights designing jackets or trousers with mingyu, but he has also been drinking straight vodka and sleeping with any girl who catches his eye.

and, of course, he has been thinking of junhui, which always makes him tired. a sort of sugary sweet, chest pain, comfortable tired. the same type of weariness that he has come to identify as love.

junhui looks nice in his tuxedo. his ink black hair is slicked back and he looks happy, as awkward as he always does but happy all the same. minghao smiles at him instinctively. junhui smiles back.

his fiancee looks lovely, too. her wedding dress is pure white and her curls frame her heart shaped face, something close to an ethereal debutant.

minghao doesn’t smile at her. she is looking at junhui with eyes full of unquestionable love and minghao supposes that makes two of them.

he scans the large room before the wedding officially starts. jeonghan, joshua and seungcheol sit in the very back row, deep in hushed conversation. jihoon couldn’t make it, so seokmin is ready with a smartphone in order to record everything, even if jihoon didn’t ask him to.

junhui’s parents are sitting in the very front row, looking proud and official and anxious, near the bride’s parents too.

the sheer amount of people makes minghao nervous. he sits in the middle of the crowd, positively unnoticeable. he likes it that way, a rainy cloud insignificant in the middle of such a sunny, momentous occasion.

the reverend clears his throat and everyone looks up. this is it, the very beginning, and he starts his speech as soon as the bride reaches the altar.

his speech is long winded, a droning thing, and just before the vows begin, the reverend turns to the crowd.

“should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

______

xu minghao was always a quiet kid.

he never had many friends when he was little. he grew up to be harsh and logical and rather lonely. he moved to south korea from china when he was still just a lanky teenager, doe eyes and dyed blonde hair.

it was just him and his mother then, in a small apartment in seoul. he never really complained; xu minghao knew how to take what he could get. accept his fate.

the first real friend he ever had was seokmin, who introduced him to soonyoung, who introduced him to chan and junhui. minghao remembers it had been raining, an autumn day where everyone was cold and shivering and soonyoung had smiled wide and said, “these are my friends, i’ve told them all about you.”  

and minghao had said a simple greeting in response, nothing too fantastical, but junhui looked entranced just the same. (wen junhui was quiet, too, but he made up for whatever words he lacked through his actions, always so kind and affectionate.)

junhui and minghao get close, but enter some sort of torturous dance: whenever junhui moves forward, minghao moves back. he responds quickly and unenthusiastically to any of junhui’s advances. he doesn’t trust junhui when the boy says he likes him, and junhui figures he should just drop it.

minghao will blame no one but himself for the shattering of his own heart; this was self destruction at its finest.

(one time, minghao got sick.

he tried to make it through the entire school day with a high fever, but was sent home by fourth period. he slept until the afternoon, tormented by a pounding headache and nausea.  

when he woke up, junhui was sitting by his bed, gentle eyes and school uniform.

“your mother let me in.” he explains before minghao has to ask. the sick boy nods in response.

“i was worried about you, haohao.” he continues, then he leans towards minghao.

this part gets hazy in minghao’s recollection of the memory: some days, he believes - or, convinces himself - that junhui had reached over and pressed a hand against his head to check his temperature, and other days he is more than certain that junhui had pressed his soft lips to his forehead.

either way, minghao remained silent.

xu minghao is a worrier, always nervous about ruining a good thing with his words. xu minghao knows how to keep his mouth shut.)

______

so it must be fate, or destiny, or something stupid like that, that motivates minghao to stand up in response to the reverend’s words.

he stands up and immediately freezes. he can hear mingyu mutter “holy fucking shit” but it sounds far away. even the feeling of soonyoung’s hand, tugging forcefully on his suit jacket in the hopes to pull him back down to earth, can’t reach him.

everyone is looking at him. junhui is looking at him.

the reverend seems like he is about to say something, perhaps ask minghao what his reason is, but junhui turns to the older man and whispers, “can i have a moment to speak to him?” and so he just nods.  

the room is dead silent after junhui’s words. he sends an apologetic look towards his bride, then walks over to minghao’s row, and all but drags the younger boy out of the church.

it’s warm out, a perfect spring day, and minghao barely has time to adjust to the light before junhui grabs him by the shoulders and harshly shoves him against the side of the church. minghao lets out a gasp at the jolt of pain.

“what exactly do you think you are doing?” junhui asks. his voice is low and serious and he looks so angry, so stern and unforgiving that it makes minghao want to cry.

“he, uh, the man… the man said that if we had any objections, we should uh…”

“yes, minghao, i know what he fucking said. what i want to know, hao, is what the fuck you think you are doing. especially now, after all this time.”

and now minghao really is crying. the first time in my entire life where i tried to speak my mind and i’ve absolutely ruined everything. perfect. great. “i just, i just love you so much and i knew that if i didn’t speak now then i would have to take it to the grave and-”

junhui’s face softens. “what?” he asks sharply.

“i love you, wen junhui.” minghao cringes; his nose is running and his voice is shaky and here he is on junhui’s literal fucking wedding day, confessing his love like an over-excited fangirl. “but now i’ve fucked everything up and your bride is waiting for you and your parents are in there and…” he can’t speak anymore, not with how embarrassed he is.

“shh, hao hao.” junhui is wiping away minghao’s tears. he has lost all the edge in his voice. “it’s going to be alright.”

minghao looks up, confused and irritated. “don’t be nice to me. you should be angry. i deserve to get yelled at, junhui, i’ve ruined your wedding.”

“i would have ruined it anyways.”

“how could you have possibly done that?”

“well, generally weddings are ruined when the groom is still in love with his old friend.”

it takes a second to register. minghao pauses, about to ask junhui what fucking game he thinks he is playing. before he can, however, junhui has caught him in a kiss, lips pressed harshly against his, still wet from tears.