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loveshotzz · 1 year ago

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All I Really Want Is You

older!neighbor!widower! steve x fem!reader chap seven/ten - a slow burn series of blurbs - updated every wednesday

Bad Idea

summary: After a week of avoiding, you find Steve at your front steps.

wc: 4.3k

warnings: 18+ series for future chapters. Steve and Reader have THE talk, we learn Steve & Emma’s story. There will be discussions of feelings about watching a loved one struggle with terminal illness and death in this chapter. There’s not a ton of details about her struggles but it is touched on. Angsty beginning and a very, very fluffy end 🧡

author’s note: it’s all up hill from here guys, just a little growing pains. i can’t believe there’s only three chapters left after this 🥺 thank you for reading and all of the sweet reblogs and messages through out this whole series. you have made this so special for me and it’s been such a comfort to write as I navigate my own life changes right now.

🌇 <- chapter six -> chapter eight

The Masterlist / The Playlist / The tune:

End of June -

It had been a week since Steve came back from his camping trip. A week of good morning texts left unanswered, of making sure not to look out your window when you knew he was home - even when you could hear him play with Bandit. He was doing that outside more than usual, a tactic to try and get you to come out and talk to him or hell, even just look at him.

He doesn’t know that a few times it almost worked.

Always & Forever

The words engraved into silver also stay carved deep and fresh in your mind, not letting you forget. You couldn’t, even if you tried. Especially not her beautiful eyes. Does she hate you? Part of you feels like you would hate you. The guilt threatens to punch the air out of your lungs.

The days go on like this with you doing everything in your power to avoid him while he did everything he could to run into you. The last ditch effort was after you caught him getting out of his car, your eyes meeting for a split second before you cut through the alley walking in through the back gate instead. Your resolve to stay away grows weaker when Steve’s good morning texts finally stop after that.

So when Brad, the new server, gets the courage to ask you out, you say yes. It was a bad idea, anyone could’ve told you that, you didn’t really want him. He was just a distraction from facing the consequences of your own actions.

He takes you to RPM Steakhouse in the heart of downtown and surprisingly he actually makes you laugh. He’s full of food industry horror stories he’s collected over the years. He’s not boring and he’s attentive when you talk, asking questions like he’s really interested. The butterflies that have built a home in your rib cage don’t flutter and fly for him though. The nerves that make your heart beat faster, the ones that feel like they vibrate from your fingertips, like your skin is on fire, are stagnant.

He’s not Steve.

You skip out on dessert when it’s offered to you, but you let him hug you before you get in your separate Uber’s home. It worked for a few hours at least. Looking out the window when your car hits the expressway, the skyline shines gleaming like the stars in the clear night sky.

It’s not very long until your phone fights for your attention, the screen illuminating the backseat. It pulls you back to reality, your breath catching when it’s not Brad’s name that flashes across your screen.

Steve

Can we please just talk?

You aren’t expecting to see him at your front steps when the Uber drops you off at your gate. His hair sticks out wild at the ends, like he’s been pulling it all night, scratch that, all week and it makes more guilt settle deep in your gut. The scruff on his jaw is almost dark enough to be a beard now. His legs are covered in gray sweats and the white undershirt he wears fits tight over his shoulders. You hate how handsome he still is, even with his slides and socks.

He’s talking to himself, moving his hands like he’s trying to explain something, reciting a speech you can’t quite hear from as far as you are. The leftovers shift in your bag when you take your first step making the styrofoam squeak and plastic crinkle, his eyes shoot up instantly at the noise.

“Honey?”

Those wings start to stretch and flutter even after just one word. You wish you could be mad at how much power one word from him has, but all you feel is the weight of how much you missed him when his face softens.

“Hi Steve.” You catch the way his lips twitch at the sound of his name coming from your mouth when you open the gate. It had been too long for him, he’d become addicted to it without even knowing it.

He stands up, his eyes can’t help but roam your bare legs that sit exposed in your black cocktail dress, or the way the middle sinches into your waist, before fluttering out over the tops of your thighs. His own jealousy threatens to bubble over at the thought of you wearing this for someone else. He needs you to understand him.

“Is this a bad time?” He asks, scratching the back of his neck while he reads the restaurant name on your bag. He hopes whoever took you there isn’t coming back. “If it is sweetheart, I can give you more space. I just, I just wanted to see you.”

You stop in front of him, further away than normal but close enough to smell the cigar smoke that still clings to the cotton of his shirt. It mixes with the spice of his cologne from earlier this morning. His eyes find yours without hesitation, glazed over from the glass of whiskey you’re sure he nursed before finding himself on your front steps. They shimmer under the moon like emeralds and you just want to get lost in them.

The answer you want to give and the answer that you think will protect you are at each other’s throats, constricting yours from giving him anything right away. His face crumbles a little when his question is met with silence. You don’t want him to go.

“No, it’s not a bad time.” It comes out before you can fight it.

The smile that tugs at Steve’s lips warms your face like the summer sun, his hand reaching out for you before pulling back and finding a new home deep in his pocket instead. Baby steps. Your arm brushes against his when you walk past him, the smallest touch lighting the match.

“I just need to get out of this dress.” You can’t look at him when you pull at the fabric as if to show him how uncomfortable it is.

“Should I wait down here?” He clears his throat a little unsure of himself as he watches you dig through your purse. He didn’t think he’d get this far.

Cicadas buzz loud against the jingle of your keys in the beat of silence it takes you to unlock the front door. The stale air of the walkway hits you like an oven when you push it open, the heat making your skin stick more than it did outside.

“You can come up. I promise my dishes are done this time.” You flash him a smirk from over your shoulder watching the way your gesture makes him relax like you’d intended, secretly enjoying the blush you still can get to flush his cheeks so easily.

Steve hadn’t been inside your apartment since the day he fixed your sink, and you don’t think you’ll ever get used to seeing him here. He’s handsome in a timeless way, still somehow put together even in his disheveled state. You watch the way he takes in his surroundings like he wants to commit it all to memory not knowing that he actually is, just in case this all blows up in his face and you never let him come back here again.

The only noise that fills the room is the loud whirr of your A/C and it’s your turn to clear your throat.

“Umm, feel free to take a seat. I’ll be really quick.” You awkwardly gesture towards your green couch, grimacing when your mind goes back to the beautiful leather one at his place.

He just nods, rubbing his palms against his thighs while taking one last look around before sitting. Your nose scrunches when you see how deep he sinks down, maybe a used couch wasn’t the best idea you’d ever had.

You wait till your door is shut to let out the long breath you feel like you’ve been holding this whole time. The familiar thumping in your chest returns ten fold. He’s in your living room.

You try not to think too much about the yoga shorts and oversized shirt you change into, especially when your muscles relax, no longer strained by the tight nylon material dress. Allowing a single once over in your long mirror, you force yourself back out, the creak of your door alerting him of your return. His stare makes goosebumps dance across sticky skin in a battle with the air conditioning.

“Do you want some water?” You try to sound casual when you ask, keeping your back to him so he can’t see the way you’re still buying time.

“S- sure,” he stutters out, a cough following and you hear the way the cushions respond to his weight as he tries leaning forward.

Now it's the whirr of your a/c and the grumbling of the ice machine that silences the unspoken feelings that are begging to come out. Scratching and clawing their way to the surface, the cracks in your facade start getting deeper the longer you stay quiet.

Steve breaks first.

“I think there’s a conversation we should have.” He pauses before starting over, “There’s a conversation I want to have.”

You freeze when the realization of where you left the watering can smacks you right in the face.

“Steve-“ you start, unable to meet his eyes and he’s quick to cut you off.

“Listen, I have some things I need to say and you should at least let me get it off my chest if you’re just going to pretend I don’t exist now.” His words make you realize the selfishness that hides under your insecurities of not being good enough for someone like him.

He stands up when you turn around, both of you staying on opposite sides of the room. He takes a shaky breath before dragging his fingers through his hair.

“I didn’t think I’d ever feel these things again with anyone else, I was sure of it actually and then you showed up in your horribly packed moving truck.” He laughs a little like he’s still wrapping his head around all of it, and he knows if the situation was any different you’d roll your eyes at him for the teasing jab.

“You brought all of these things out of me that I thought I’d lost for good. Like, I can’t remember the last time I cared about what I was wearing when I left the house, but the past month I’ve been obsessed about it. Like what if she’s outside? What if she’s looking out her window? What if she wants to talk to me?” The veins in his neck show themselves as he gets more worked up but he’s not done yet.

“Then last week when you showed up at my front gate, looking even prettier than the last time I saw you, because you do that somehow, I couldn’t help myself around you anymore. The fact that you were actually going to kiss me back after I put the worst moves on you made me feel like I won the lottery or something.” His gaze meets yours to make sure he isn’t scaring you off before taking a deep breath.

“And then, and then you just - you just left without so much as a reason why. It was pretty clear though when I got home, and maybe that’s my fault because I feel like I’m doing this all backwards but you didn’t give us a chance to even talk about it.”

Steve looks like his world is falling apart, and the things he’s saying make you feel like anything but a second choice. You wish you could go back to that rainy day at his house and do things over again.

“I wasn’t given the shot at a fair fight the first time something special was taken from me, but I have one now and I’m not walking away unless you kick me out.” He straightens his shoulders a little before another anxious hand runs through his wild hair. His chest heaves as he finally gets out what’s been sitting just below the surface the whole time, his fears revealing themselves behind flushed cheeks and glassy eyes.

The feeling like you’re slighting another woman who isn’t here is hard to navigate. It makes your own eyes sting but you don’t let the tears fall. Not when he’s handing his heart to you like he means it.

“I’d never kick you out,” your words come out quiet - soft, a stark contrast to the way his boomed loud with conviction, but he doesn’t miss them.

Hope starts to sprout deep in his chest for the first time in years.

“Never?” He breathes, relief relaxing the hard lines on his face while he looks at you from under his lashes.

His feet take him those few steps closer and when you make no moves to tell him to stop he keeps going. The sadness that plagues his handsome features slowly starts to fade and the bags under his eyes become more obvious. You want to kiss them.

Your hand extends, fingers reaching out for his. His eyes follow your movements, taking in what you’re offering and he doesn’t hesitate anymore, interlocking them like when he walked you to your front door. You watch the way his shoulders give the moment they touch and his eyes close as he relishes in the feel of it. Of you.

Your back hits the edge of your kitchen sink when he crowds your space a little more, your fingers playing songs on imaginary strings together. Memorizing he dips between each one. His nose skims across your forehead making your own eyes close. How could you ever stay away from him?

“Never.”

He hums at your confession, squeezing your hand gently before pulling back. He takes his time admiring your face from this close. He missed you so much, he actually thinks it’s kind of crazy. His other hand reaches up to cup your cheek, the pad of his thumb tracing the high bone. He loves the way you lean into it. You missed him too.

“Can we have that conversation now?”

All you can do is nod, tears still threatening to spill out but now a different kind.

The two of you sit on your couch for hours, worn in cushions pushing you close together. Your head rests on his arm that’s draped along the back of it, your socked feet in his lap. He tells you how he met Emma through his high school sweetheart Nancy. The ex that turned him into a man as he put it, the one that made him really think about the kind of person he wanted to be. Even going as far to say Emma would have never given him the time of day if it wasn’t for her. Nancy was the Managing Editor of The Chicago Tribune and Emma was her Editor in Chief.

After being introduced by Nancy at a sports gala, Steve pursued her hard, especially because she said no the first three times he asked her out. It makes you giggle when he laughs about it. He said he knew he wanted to marry her after the first date and a year later he proposed to her on a group vacation with Eddie, Robin, Nancy and a few other friends in Mexico. The picture you saw was taken right after she said yes.

The wedding was small, just a few of their closest friends at The Chicago Botanical Gardens, and a dinner at Smith & Wollensky next to the river after. He told you how Eddie pretended to be mad the whole night becauseSteve made Robin his best man instead. They both moved into Steve’s apartment near Wrigley Field after a honeymoon in Italy. He said it was some of the best years of his life with her there, young and in love in one of the liveliest neighborhoods in the city. Then a few years passed and both their careers started taking off and they started wanting more as they got older. A family.

That’s when they started to invest in renovating this fixer upper of a house in a less nightlife oriented neighborhood. The house you live next door to. Between busy work schedules and dealing with contractors when the symptoms first started, they didn’t think anything of it. They chalked it up to exhaustion until she fainted in her office a few months later, then they finally saw a doctor. Another month later after multiple tests and hospital visits Emma was diagnosed with ALS.

“I’ve never seen something debilitate someone so fast, and Emma, god Emma was so strong. Seeing her like that at the end, it fucking broke me.” Steve’s voice cracks, a silent stream of tears falling down his cheeks now.

Your heart breaks for them, the tragedy of watching the person you love fall apart with nothing to do to stop it. An entire life you had planned ripped out from under you with zero warning or mercy. A cruel joke.

You reach up, using the back of your knuckles to wipe away his tears. He leans in your touch, his gaze meeting yours with so many emotions inside of them, you think you might drown.

“We decided to stay in our apartment when she couldn’t walk anymore, with the rate it was moving she didn’t want me to live in this big new house meant for our new beginning and have her…have her die in it,” the last part comes out in just above a whisper, stopping to collect his thoughts. His brows furrow together and his fingers search for yours again. You give them to him without question.

“We checked her into hospice a month after that, Eddie flew in the day she chose to get off assistance. She was surrounded by the people she loved the most those last days.” He takes another deep breath before he continues, it shakes just like his hands.

“That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I don’t know how someone is supposed to go through that kind of pain and move on from it. Be a person again after it.” He takes another pause and he pulls you closer. His anchor.

“I don’t know if I’d still be here if it wasn’t for Eddie moving into the house with me those first three months, if I’m being totally honest with you.” He sniffs, his gaze falls to his lap to try and hide the shame at the thought, and you squeeze his hand a little bit harder.

“I’m so sorry Steve.” Your voice cracks at the weight of everything he’s been carrying around. The gravity of the way you left him tightens in your throat.

The tears you’d been holding back break free, making his eyes snap to yours. He lets your hand go to wipe your cheeks with gentle fingers like you did to his just moments before. He knows you're apologizing for more than just his bad luck.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m okay now,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to yours. The tips of your noses touch, tears mixing and dripping down the ends of them. You keep your eyes closed in hopes that if you focus hard enough, maybe you could take away some of his pain. Even if it’s just a little bit. “We’re okay now.”

You don’t know how long the two of you sit like this together, not speaking, letting wandering hands memorize faces and fingertips. Your breathing falls in time while your cheeks start to dry. Puffy red eyes stay closed while your muscles finally relax. His nose rubs small circles against yours that make smiles neither of you can see stretch across tear streaked faces.

When you finally open your eyes, he’s already looking at you, something brighter inside of his now like he just let go of a big secret. He doesn’t have to hide anymore.

It’s you that finally works up the strength to pull away enough to really see his whole face after depriving yourself of it for so long.

“I actually kinda feel like she sent you here, despite me,” he admits, laughing nervously, breaking the silence, “She made me promise her that I’d try and find love again when the time was right, I eventually said yes after she asked me at least a dozen times, but I never actually intended on it.”

Steve stops for a second to brush some of your mascara that smudged, holding your eyes in the forest of his.

“Then five years later, this tough girl tries moving an entire apartment’s worth of stuff by herself next door. I mean, you practically did.” He smiles at how proud you look of yourself, “I knew I was screwed when Bandit sniffed you out.”

You giggle like you're just as love sick as him and he wishes he could play it on a loop whenever he’s sad.

“She was probably laughing at how bad I was at trying to flirt with you.” His ears turn cherry red while he tries to hide his very real embarrassment.

“You did run away from me for like a solid week after we met the first time if you remember,” you tease, making his eyebrows raise in challenge. You weren’t supposed to roast him too.

“I guess we’re even then aren’t we?” He counters, smirking when you scoff, wrapping his arm around you so you can’t move away like you try to in fake protest.

Your legs end up draped over the tops of his thighs, fitting snug into his side. The warmth of his body makes your eyelids droopy. The cedar undertones he always carries calms all of your nerves.

“She was beautiful Steve,” you whisper, playing with the chain that dangles off his neck before looking up at him with a smile, “And maybe even a little too cool for you if I dare say.” It’s genuine when it comes out of your mouth, no hidden insecurities, an understanding that he wasn’t settling for you and it makes Steve want to kiss you even more.

“She would have thought you were way too cool for me too.” He laughs, tracing the side of your face with his fingertips. You want to look away from the intensity of it all but you force yourself to hold his stare, keeping yourself open for him. It’s quiet for a few minutes, letting everything that was shared tonight really sink in. That stray you missed so much makes an appearance and you finally get to be the one that pushes it back, and his hair is just as soft as you imagined.

“What are you doing on the fourth, pretty girl?” The new nickname makes you shift in your seat, the hint of a smug smirk begs to break across his face when he catches it. Maybe he’s still got it.

“Nothing, I got the day off.” You hate that his question is enough to make you shy.

It’s too hard to hold his gaze this time, but he doesn’t let that slide. His fingers hook under your chin to tilt your eyes back up to his. Noses brushing, your lips just inches apart like this.

“Be my date to the block party?” He whispers, whiskey and tobacco still lingering on his breath.

You smile, nudging your nose against his in a dare.

“I’d love to Steve.” His name comes out around strawberry chapstick lips, they brush with his feeling like velvet and it makes his nostrils flare.

He dips his head with a groan kissing the corner of mouth instead, before placing one on both your cheeks and another, a lingering one, against your forehead.

“In honor of not doing things backwards, I’m going to wait until I’ve taken you out. The way it should happen. The way someone like you deserves.”

Steve wants to make you feel special too.

It's hard for you to feel rejected with his reasoning and seeing the clock on your stove read in bright red numbers - 2:46am. The fourth was only three days away now.

You play it off with a roll of your eyes and a dramatic “fine” that makes him really laugh for the first time all night, giving you another kiss on the cheek. This one a little wet. He can’t get enough of the way you can’t look at him after.

It’s another thirty minutes before he decides it’s time to go home when your yawn is too loud to hide and your head presses harder into his chest. He wishes he could stay, and one night he knows he will.

You both linger in the doorway with fingers wrapped up tight, neither one of you ready to let go. He just wants to stare at you, but he knows the alarm stuffed in his pocket is going to make his life miserable in three hours.

Instead, he gives you another kiss on the forehead telling you he’ll text in the morning, and he wishes he could have a picture of the smile you give him when you promise to text back.

beta’d by @superblysubpar

dividers by @newlips

older!steve edit by @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

🌇 -> chapter eight

#my wriitng #all i really want is you series #steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington slow burn #steve harrington series #steve harrington fanfiction #older!steve #older!steve harrington

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a-french-coconut · 6 months ago

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Jason Grace

Birthdays are, for Jason, a day like another.

It's a normal day.

Nothing out of the ordinary comes from completing another year of living.

When came the day of his third birthday, Lupa gave him a little more food than the other cups.

As for Camp Jupiter...

Well, Jason never bothered telling his fellow comrades his birthday date.

Every time someone asked him "When's your birthday ?", he would always shrug it off and divert the attention somewhere else.

That was until Reyna came along and baked him cakes every single day of the year.

"If you won't tell me, I'll assume it's always today." She would tell him, presenting him a burnt cake with wax dripping from the ignited candles.

He should have know waging war against the daughter of Bellona would mean defeat.

And so, in their first year of friendship, Reyna learns that Jason Grace's birthday is July 1st, in honour of Juno, his patron goddess.

But to his insistence, they don't celebrate it.

"Why ?" She asked him one night, the both of them watching the city from above, in Bacchus' gardens.

"I already have enough attention as it is." He lies, because the truth is that he wants to preserve his birthday like he knows it.

A blurred image of a blue-eyed girl, swinging him around and singing him "Happy Birthday !". He fears that if he celebrated his birthdays, that memory would fade.

"My full name is Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano." Reyna said out of the blue.

"That's a mouthful." He smiled before trying to pronounce it. "Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano, it's-"

"Don't say it again." Reyna cuts him, her hands clutching her t-shirt, "Never."

"Okay." He replies and he understands why she said it to him.

A treaty, a deal between them.

Two things only they know of each other, a proof of trust.

That night, Reyna became the person Jason trusted more than anyone.

Years passed and nobody bothered to ask him about his birthday.

War is looming on the horizon, a storm ready to fall upon them.

They need to see him as a general, a fearsome warrior ready to lead them to victory.

He is the son of Jupiter and wether he is fourteen or fifteen matters not.

It's not until his sixteenth birthday that Jason understands why birthdays are a special date.

A day to commemorate your life, to celebrate living another year.

When Piper hands him a cupcake, with poorly made frosting, Jason eats it, savouring every bite.

That memory goes lock itself next to Thalia's.

When the war is over, Jason thinks that celebrating his seventeenth birthday with all his friends wouldn't be that bad.

(In canon, Jason never makes it to seventeen. Here, we throw canon out of the window because birthday boy deserves some happiness.)

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Jason plops down on his bed, sighing.

What a long year it had been.

His sixteenth year of living began with a fight on the Acropolis, where he basically told his father he was a idiot for punishing Apollo.

Only for said god to barge into his dormitory months later, very mortal looking.

Then, his home is attacked by a zombie army lead by a dead roman king.

And how could he forget Piper breaking up with him.

Overall, that year wasn't the best of years Jason lived.

Except for all the friends he met and the sense of peace it brought him.

Not fully Roman, not entirely Greek, Jason is a children of both.

He has every right to feel at home in Camp Jupiter or Camp Half-Blood, where his father's statue is looking at him right now.

Jason lays in his bed, head purposesly facing the wall, and lets Morpheus greets him in his oneiric realm.

As Artemis leads her moon chariot in the night, June 31st morphs into July 1st.

-----------------------------

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUPERMAN !"

A lousy voice startles Jason out of sleep and he jolts awake.

"What ?" He asks disoriented and tangled in his sheets.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUPERMAN !" The same voice screams and it comes from a flying table making circles in his cabin.

"Buford ?" Jason yawns, "what are you doing here ?"

"WISHING YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUPERMAN !" Buford yells in his electronic voice, "FROM THE HOTTEST BOY ON EARTH !"

"Right, right, thank you. Can you tone it down a little ?"

"FROM THE DREAM OF ALL LADIES !"

"Yeah, I get it. But please, it's-" He checks the clock, "it's seven am."

"FROM THE SUPREME COMMANDER OF THE ARGO II !"

"What ? I gotta say his name ?"

"FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND !"

"Okay," Jason laughs softly, "thank you Leo for wishing me a happy birthday."

"YOU'RE WELCOME BLONDIE ! NOW GET DRESSED AND COME OUTSIDE !" Buford zooms out of the cabin by the open roof.

Jason shakes his head and quickly puts on a Camp t-shirt and a pair of jeans. When he opens the door, there's no one.

"I know you guys are hiding !" He screams as he scans his surroundings. "Buford told me-" He huffs as a weight settles of his back and arms snake around his neck.

"Happy birthday Jason !" Leo screams in his ear, "Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy-"

"birthday, thanks." Jason completes, holding Leo on his back.

"Amigo, you are going to live the best day of your life !" Leo claps his shoulders, excited.

"Did you plan it all ?"

"With some help but yes, it was me." Leo shrugs, "Now, it's time for breakfast."

"To the Pavillon we go."

Camp's grounds are empty as they walk towards the eating Pavillon.

"Nobody was woken up by Buford ?" Jason asks, surprised, "he made quite the noise."

"Don't worry about that." Leo flicks his head, surely grinning like a madman.

"Fine, but I don't want to bother anyone-" He falters as they enter the Pavillon.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON !" The whole camp scream, whistle, whoop.

He feels his face going hot, "Thanks you guys ! It's very nice of you to-"

At the Apollo Cabin, Will takes a mic and begins to sing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Jason Grace, happy birthday to you !" He finishes amidst his siblings' applauses.

"Woah, thank you Will." Jason says, his face probably the colour of a tomato.

Will bows and sits back, himself a little red but pleased with himself.

Leo jumps down from him, "Camp rules still apply so I gotta leave you here. But don't worry, I've got other surprises planned out for you." Leo winks and goes join his siblings.

Jason makes his way towards his table, murmuring "thank you", "really appreciated it", "you're the best." to all the campers he crosses.

When he finally sits down, another little surprise awaits him.

Blue brownies with a note.

"Sorry I'm not here buy you know, studies. Still, Annabeth and I wish you a happy birthday and you'll get our gifts later ! Enjoy your day, I'm still better than you because I win Kansas- ouch Annabeth ! Yes, I'm writing it because Jason will be my witness of your attitude. Appreciate the letter bro because it took me a while with dyslexia.

Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase

PS : I made the brownies (as if it wasn't obvious.), shut up Annabeth. Wait, can I still say shut up if you're writing ? (End the letter.), right, okay, ending the letter now."

Jason chuckles fondly, munching on a delicious brownie while he reads the note.

Most of his friends are at Camp Jupiter, Frank, Hazel, Annabeth, Percy.

He knows they would be here with him if they could, but the praetors are too busy to leave and Percy and Annabeth had exams coming up.

He tucks the note into his jeans and finishes the brownies, sacrificing a conjured apple to his father.

Hello, Father. Thank you for, hum, conceiving me ?

Yeah, that'll do.

He almost faceplates when Leo jumps on his back again.

"You're like a leech." He huffs, readjusting him so they are both comfortable.

"Don't know what that is but I'll assume it's something good." Leo replies, poking his neck. "Head towards the arena please, you have sword fighting class."

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do." Leo chirps, "now go."

"Leech." Jason groans.

Another surprise awaits him at the arena.

"Nico !"

The son of Hades gives him a small wave, "Hi Jason. Happy birthday."

"You came all the way from the Underworld ?" Jason asks with a big smile on his face, "for me ?"

"Don't flatter yourself that much Jason." Nico replies drily, "Will is the main reason I'm here."

"Of course," Jason grins, "how presumptuous of me to assume otherwise."

"I hope I'm not interrupting-" Leo pipes in.

"You are."

"Hush Di Angelo, I got best friend's privileges." Leo continues, "Give him your gift."

"You got me a gift ?"

"Yes." Nico mumbles, glaring at Leo, "I am here for your birthday after all. And Will of course." He adds, taking out a small box from his jacket and handing it to him.

He shrugs Leo off his back and takes the box.

It's pin, with "best cousin awards" written in big golden letters on it.

"It's-" Jason smiles, "it's just to piss Percy off when he sees it, isn't it ?"

"No." Nico says with a straight face. Jason looks at him. "Maybe a little," he concedes, "but I do believe you are not a bad cousin to have."

"Thanks Nico." Jason says earnestly, "I would hug you but..."

Nico smiles, "I can make an exception." and opens his arms.

Jason hugs him briefly and as soon as he's done, Leo climbs again.

"Right ! Now Nico, go find your boyfriend and Jason, direction the Big House !"

This little game lasts the whole day, Leo taking him to different places and people greeting him, wishing him happy birthday.

Malcolm gives him sets of models and black glasses.

"From Annabeth and Percy." He said.

"I understand Annabeth's gifts but did Percy explained ?"

"Yeah." Malcolm suppressed a grin, "It's to help you disguise yourself, like Clark Kent."

Jason rolled his eyes but hanged the glasses on his t-shirt's hem.

Drew gifted him contact lenses.

Connor offered him a book on geometry and architectural design.

"Annabeth might have helped a little." The son of Hermes confessed "And I promise I bought them fair and square."

Katie, Nyssa, Pollux all give him gifts.

It warms his heart that they care so much.

"You did help save our camp." Katie smiled, "It's the kind of thing that makes us appreciate you."

He now has a beautiful plant, a new set of armour and a ticket to an arcade room in New York.

The sun sets and it's time for dinner.

"Leo," Jason calls him as his friend join his table, "thank you for this day, it was the best birthday gift ever."

His friend's eyes glint, "Ah but Jace, the day's not over yet !" and he leaves cackling.

What could have he planned ? Jason thinks as he eats his fries.

Two hands suddenly obscure his vision.

He waits for the person to speak but she doesn't, "I have to guess ?"

He takes the silence for a yes.

"Hum," Jason thinks, who could it be ? One of his friends from Camp Jupiter ? Or... maybe... "Thalia ?" He call out hesitantly.

"Great guess little brother." Thalia laughs as her face appears next to him, "great guess."

He hugs her instantly, "You-"

"Came especially for your birthday, yeah." Thalia finishes, "how could I not ? My little brother is seventeen !" She ruffles his hair, arm on his shoulder.

"For me," Jason repeats, "you came for me."

"Yeah," Thalia says, "I'll always come for you Jason, always." She smiles before adding, "happy birthday."

"You were my only memory for a while you know." He gulps, feeling tears pooling in his eyes. "I'm sorry- I don't know why I'm crying, it's a happy moment, I'm happy-" He takes a big breath, Thalia's circular hugs on his back soothing him.

"You always loved this." Thalia says wistfully, "It always succeeded to calm your tantrums."

"Still works." He sniffles, leaning into Thalia's touch.

"Fate is a cruel thing," she whispers, "I never thought I would see you again after mom left you in those woods. And I've missed all your life, all your birthday parties-"

"You didn't, I never celebrated my birthday until last year." Jason whispers back, "I wanted to keep how I remembered it, with you swinging me around in the house."

Thalia chortles, "You already loved being in the air as a baby, you would always sit next to me and ask to be carried."

"I'm too big now."

"Hey," she nudges him, "no matter how taller you get, you will always be my little brother."

"I'm older though."

"Tough, you're still younger in my eyes." She snarks back, her head resting on his shoulder. "Leo's the one that invited me. I would have come nonetheless but I'm glad you found him, he's a good friend."

"Yeah," he agrees, "he is."

"I didn't come alone." Thalia adds, "there's another hunter with me."

"Hello Jason." A new voice says from behind.

"Reyna," Jason replies, "you're a huntress now."

She nods, "It's what is best for me."

"I'm going to leave you two alone," Thalia says, standing up, "I'll sleep in Zeus cabin tonight so see you later."

After she leaves, Reyna makes no move to go seat with him.

She's as Jason remembered, exuding an air of royalty and undeniable leadership.

She's the leader everyone see when they look at her, the woman who lead New Rome by herself, the demigod that killed a giant.

But Jason can see the small scar on her right wrist, the one she got for teasing Aurum too much with his food.

Or how she's nibbling her lip, indicating she's hungry and the way her hands are clasped behind her back, so that Jason doesn't see them trembling.

She's vainly trying to put a facade Jason can see right through.

"I'm sorry." He says, because it's all he can say.

"What for ?" She tilts her head, "you didn't ask Juno to capture you."

"But you loved me." He adds, because they need to address it, "you loved me and I came back with another girl."

She stiffens and Jason knows that her hands are tightly clasped, Reyna willing herself to stay composed.

"It wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have assumed you liked me back." Reyna clears her throat, "You had every right to date Piper."

"But-" He protests because he expected her to be angry, to be cold. She shouldn't be understanding, "I-"

She laughs bitterly, cutting him off, "You and Thalia share it, you know ? That unshaken belief that you are the cause of everything, that you have a hand in each matter evolving around you. I suppose it is divine heritage." she muses.

She scans the tables, her face lingering on Cabin 10.

"Venus' children ?" She asks and he nods, "Do you remember Charleston ?"

"Hum yes, we went to retrieve imperial gold-"

"I met Venus that day, and she told me that no demigod would ever heal my heart and that I will never find love where I hoped or wished to find." Reyna tells him, still looking at the Aphrodite Cabin, "I never told anyone that" she turns her obsidian eyes on him, "except you."

An olive branch.

An echo to the start of their friendship.

"I'm sorry for leading you on, for never making clear that I considered you a good friend." Jason apologises, feeling angry towards the goddess for ruining his best friend's life, "I hope the hunters of Artemis bring you the family you deserve Reyna."

He leans towards her, "I'm a little jealous of you to be honest," he smiles, a grin devoid of mirth, "I never had such a family before, and I don't think I ever will."

A secret for a secret.

That's how started their first friendship and that is how begins their new one, Reyna quietly seating next to him and directly stealing his fries.

"We'll come visit," she assures him, "every time we are near your location."

She eats quietly for another moment, her eyes fixed on Leo making laugh Harley over some joke.

"I think you're wrong."

"About what ?" He asks.

"About having a family, I think there's someone who would very much like spending his life with you."

"His ?" Jason picks up, "who is it ?"

"Leo Valdez could also make with some family," Reyna muses, "don't you think ?"

"Yeah..." He says slowly, "yeah, I suppose he can."

Next to him, Reyna grins slightly. "I'm sure he would be delighted if you were to sit next to him at your campfire, I'll tell Thalia not to wait for you."

"Maybe I want to sit with Thalia."

She raises her eyebrow, "She'll be here for the next two days, you'll have time to see her."

"Okay, okay" he relents, "I'll ask him when dinner ends."

They spend the rest of dinner chatting about the shrines Jason has to build, the relief of not being predator anymore, Aurum and Argentum, Reyna's new lifestyle.

"Leo !" He calls the son of Hephaestus who looks surprised to see him, "Wanna sit with me at campfire ?" He asks nervously.

"You're not going with Thalia ?"

For a reason unknown to Jason, Nyssa sighs loudly behind them and pinching her nose.

"She's staying a few days, I'll see her later. Right now, I want to go with you."

He gestures his back and Leo laughs but obliges, his head resting on his shoulder.

"Lead the way, Superman."

After two hours of singing, roasting s'mores, laughing until it hurts, Jason lays in his bed in Cabin 1, with a smile as Thalia's light snores fill the room.

Birthdays, Jason has come to find, are extraordinary days that he cherishes a lot for they bring all his friends together.

He cannot wait for his eighteenth birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON GRACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I'm a little late but it's because it ended up being way longer than I thought it would 😅

Sweet, fluffy, comforting story because he deserves it 💖

#percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #will solace #connor stoll #camp half blood #drew tanaka #jason grace #leo valdez #reyna avila ramirez arellano #thalia grace #valgrace #nico di angelo

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rems-writing · 2 months ago

Text

Eight makes one moan (part one)

Pairing: idol!Jongho x witch afab!reader

Genre: smut with a bit of plot

Wordcount: 1,738 words

Rating: nc-17

Nets: @mirohs-aurora-society @othersideoutlawsnetwork @illusionnet

Happy six years to these crackhead pirates!!!!!!!!

It had officially hit six years for Ateez. Even though you were introduced to them somewhat during the Deja Vu era, you fell in love with them through their song Desire and have officially dubbed yourself an Atiny during the Guerilla era. As you were blasting every single album series alongside Zelena, Regina and Robin watched from afar with adoration in their eyes and small grins on their lips. The events that had occurred throughout the quaint town of Storybrooke had taken a toll on you.

After all, you were dubbed as the Demonic Ace for a while.

Thanks to Henry and his penmanship as the current Author, your DNA had been rewritten and you were known as the Angelic Ace. Thanks to Merlin, your self inflicted glass heart curse was lifted and you could feel again. Thanks to Regina casting one more curse, all the kingdoms were united and Storybrooke was safe once more.

Which leads us to now.

“9024 KICK THAT DRUM!”

“MY EGO IN THE SHOW!”

You and Zelena were singing Crazy Form and doing the choreo the same exact way as Ateez had done it. However, you both were old hags (as in old people stuck in young people’s bodies) so you felt your joints ache with every single step and jump you guys did. Once the song was over, another track came up.

And it was your favorite track off the album.

“HOW THE FUCK DOES SAN SOUND LIKE THAT?!”

“I DON’T KNOW, Z. BUT IT’S SEXY AS HELL!”

“HELLO?! SEONGHWA’S PART?!”

Whilst you two were freaking out and doing a poor yet original dance to Arriba, Regina came over and turned down the volume, leaving the both of you to groan in frustration. Robin simply chuckled and walked over to you two.

“Sorry if we paused your fun. We do have reservations at a restaurant in New York so we kind of have to get going.”

“OH SHIT! I FORGOT IT WAS TODAY!”

“LAST ONE TO THE CAR ISN’T A REAL ATINY!”

“YOU BITCH -”

Zelena cackled and sprinted away. You decided to cheat a bit and use your magic to trip her, causing her to fall and curse at you while you floated away. You got to the car first and you were about to sit in the front seat when you heard Regina clear her throat behind you.

“You know the rules, sis.”

“BUT I GOT HERE FIRST, GINNIE!”

“I know. I would’ve let you sit in front if Robin wasn’t tagging along. Since he is though, you got to sit in the back.”

You grumbled in annoyance as you sat in the back. Zelena teased you and you decided to get back at her by summoning a large june bug and having it fly around her. It was hilarious seeing a mop of curly red hair fling about as she tried to swipe away the bug. You made the bug disappear and she flipped you off. Soon, the four of you drove out of Storybrooke and made your way towards New York.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’M SEEING MY MAN LIVE!”

“AS IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY SEEN HIM LIVE LIKE HUNDREDS OF TIMES!”

“STILL THOUGH!”

Long story short, Regina and Robin surprised you and Zelena with tickets to see Ateez live. Since it was their sixth anniversary, they decided to host an event. Not only did you two receive tickets, but you also got backstage passes so you would get to see your man in person. You were freaking out, but not as much as Zelena was. It dawned on her that she would meet her bias. As the two of you were getting ready for the backstage meet & greet, the former Wicked Witch paced back and forth.

“Oh God. What if Yeosang thinks I’m too old?”

“You’ll be fine.”

“What will WooSan think of me?”

“Again. You’ll be fine.”

“Is it too late to back out now?”

“Good God. Get a grip, girl!”

You grabbed Zelena by the shoulders and made her stop pacing before shaking her out of her nervous stupor.

“You’ll be fine. Just be yourself! Well… don’t admit you’re a witch. At least… not yet.”

“But doesn’t Jongho know?”

“Yeah, but he didn’t tell his other bandmates.”

“But Yeosang is in the group chat with us.”

“We never mentioned witch activity in said group chat when Yeosang was added. Right?”

“Well… no.”

“See?! Problem solved! Now come on. Let me finish your makeup.”

Soon, the two of you made it to the venue and showed your passes to the security guard before entering one of the vacant greenrooms, where all the members of Ateez stood. You saw a few Atinys and interacted with them while Zelena shyly said hello and mainly just talked with Yeosang, who introduced her to San and Wooyoung. When you got to Jongho, he pulled you aside and looked around to see if anyone was looking. As soon as the coast was clear, he kissed you hard. It caught you off guard yet you kissed back immediately and gripped his nice biceps.

You were the only one that had the privilege of touching them.

“I missed you, honey.”

“I missed you too, my bear.”

The two of you connected foreheads and stayed like that for a while. Even though you guys could handle the long distance relationship, the feeling of having each other in both of your arms was that of elation and relief.

“After the concert, tell Zelena that you’re staying behind. I told our manager to retrieve you after the show.”

“Am I going to stay the night with you?”

“Only if you want.”

“I would love to.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The concert soon ended and you told Zelena that you’ll be spending the night with Jongho. The two of you shared a knowing look before she departed. When you found their manager, he led you to an empty dressing room. You thanked him and you saw Jongho sitting on the couch waiting for you. He looked up and smirked before standing up and walking towards you. He picked you up bridal style and carried you out of the room before exiting the venue through a back door. A van was waiting for you guys and as soon as you two hopped in, the doors slid shut and the van took off. A minute down the road and you two were making out like nobody’s business. Jongho’s hands gripped your waist while he kissed down your neck and your hands tangled in his hair. You were biting down on your lip to prevent any moans from escaping. Soon, you two approached the hotel you were staying at and as soon as the van doors slid open, Jongho grabbed your hand and the two of you exited the van before sprinting into the lobby. You guys ran into the nearest vacant elevator and Jongho pressed his floor button before he turned to you and attacked your lips once more. Once the elevator reached his floor, he hoisted you up and over his shoulder before walking towards this huge penthouse suite that the guys rented out for their stay here. He kicked open the doors and set you down on the couch. When you gathered your bearings, you noticed the amount of rose petals and fake lit up candles surrounding the room.

‘Aww! He’s so romantic.”

‘He truly missed you.’

‘Wait… why is he coming back with his members?’

Your eyes widened when all eight of them approached you. The seven of them kept a respectable distance while Jongho walked towards you and knelt in front of you.

“Before you freak out, let me explain.”

You nodded slowly and signalled for him to continue.

“I talked about this with my members. You know me. I am a man who doesn’t share, especially when it comes to the love of my life. However, I realized… that sharing you with my fellow bandmates isn’t so bad. That doesn’t mean you’ll date all of them. God no! It’s just… I’ve had this hidden fantasy about seeing you get fucked by all the members and I honestly want to make it a reality. There’s just one thing missing.”

Jongho grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it.

“Your consent.”

You were in shock to hear about this. Sure, his bandmates were attractive as hell and you couldn’t deny that some of them were wrecking you (mainly Yunho and San). However, to initiate something as huge as this? Even though Jongho said he was ok with it, you didn’t know deep if you were ok with it. Furthermore, you also thought about what would happen if you didn’t do it. Sure, Jongho and the rest of Ateez will understand, but you’d feel bad for not indulging in one of his fantasies. He indulged in so many of yours.

Might as well return the favor.

Right?

“Um… ok then. I think… I’ll do it.”

“Are you sure? Because once we get started, there’s no going back. Unless we do something that you definitely don’t like. In that case, we’ll back off.”

“I’m positive, Jongho. I want to try this out. I’ve got nothing to lose.”

Jongho smiled his precious gummy smile and hugged you tightly before kissing the side of your head. When he let go, he turned around and saw the 98 liners approach you first. Jongho caressed your cheek and kissed your lips lightly.

“We’ve arranged it in the order of our unit tracks.”

OH! OK THEN!

“Matz first.”

Seonghwa and Hongjoong kissed both corners of your mouth delicately and retracted slowly.

“WooSanSang second.”

‘Can’t wait for Zelena to hear about this!’ You thought in the back of your mind.

“YunGi third.”

The tall towers leaned down to whisper in your ear sensually.

“Hi there, angel.” Yunho said in your left ear deeply.

“Hey there, baby girl.” Mingi said in your right ear deeply and huskily.

You gulped nervously as they retracted themselves.

“Lastly, me.”

You saw Jongho kneel in front of you once more and smirk before kissing the tip of your nose. He soon retracted and signalled for Seonghwa and Hongjoong to go first. The 99 liners and Jongho soon all backed up and went into the separate rooms the penthouse had. Seonghwa sat on the couch and pulled you onto his lap while Hongjoong held your chin and made you look up at him.

“Ready to have some fun?”

#mirohsaurorasociety #other side outlaws network #illusionnet #ateez #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez smut

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p-artsypants · 1 year ago

Text

The Last Flying Grayson

While out on duty, Robin sees a billboard that chills his soul. ‘Haly’s Circus 3000 Phoenix Tour, coming to Jump City at the end of June!’ Not long after, Mr. Haly reaches out to the Titans for a favor.

Ao3 | FF.net

“I’m beat!” Cyborg lamented, slouching forward. “I hate chasing Mumbo. He’s annoying and he turned my car into a wind up toy.”

“I’m right here,” said Mumbo, returned to his old man form. “Not much of a crime spree if I stay in one place, is it?”

“Man, shut up!”

“It’s alright Cyborg,” Robin patted his back. “Let’s drop Mumbo off with the police and then we can pick up some pizza for din—” as he spoke, he turned to look at their favorite pizza place, only to see a large Billboard next to it.

Haly’s Circus 3000!

Phoenix Tour!

Coming end of June!

He stood frozen. Suddenly confronting his past like this was not something he was prepared for.

“Hey, you okay?” Asked Cyborg. “You look paler than usual.”

“Yeah dude, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

He tore his gaze away from the billboard and looked back at his team. This was his present, and that was his past. There was no reason he couldn’t stop in and say hello, but there was no use lingering on it. “I’m fine. I just…suddenly realized how much paperwork I had to do.”

“Oh Robin, you must not lock yourself up in that office!” Starfire cried.

“Yeah dude! It’s movie night!”

“I’ll do the paperwork on the kitchen table, how about that?”

Beast Boy and Starfire cheered.

As they carried Mumbo off to the car, Raven caught Robin taking one last look at the billboard.

She knew more than the others.

She had been inside his head and saw his memories. It was brief, but she saw it. Whether or not this ‘Haly’s Circus 3000’ was the same one from his memories, she didn’t know. But it wasn’t her place to ask.

—-

Robin’s past came back to haunt him a few days later.

They were all gathered in the ops room, playing a card game together and hanging out, just being teens.

“Ha!” Beast Boy put down a card with a tornado on it. “I bet none of you nerds can beat that!”

Cyborg groaned. “Man, I had a lightning storm! I was certain I had it!”

“I got nothing,” said Raven.

“I, as well, have nothing to beat the tornado.”

“Well well well, looks like Beast Boy is cleaning up!”

“Not so fast, Grass Stain,” Robin taunted. “I still have one card.”

Beast Boy gasped. “You would not.”

Robin slammed the card down onto the pile. “Meteor shower! Read it and weep!”

“Noooo! That’s three games in a row! How do you keep winning!?”

“Let’s just say lady luck is a personal friend of mine.”

“You have a lady friend named ‘Luck’?” Starfire asked, a pout on her face.

“Relax Star, it’s just an expression.”

“Then…perhaps we can play once more and I can befriend this Lady of Luck?”

“Nah, I’m done,” said Beast Boy. “I got my butt kicked on the field enough times this week, I don’t need it kicked in my own home.”

The big screen came to life with an unknown caller number on it.

“Ohhh unknown caller? How much do you want to bet it’s a salesman?”

Robin’s jovial mood plummeted as butterflies erupted in his stomach. He had a feeling. “I don’t think it’s a salesman,” he said, subdued. He rose, and answered it.

A portly man with a curly mustache wearing a striped shirt appeared on the screen. A big smile came over his face. “Robin! Good to see you, lad!”

Of course he knew. ‘Robin’ and ‘Boy Wonder’ had been nicknames from the circus. His uniform was nearly the same too. Not to mention the death defying stunts he performed while crime fighting. It wouldn’t be that hard for anyone from Haly’s to piece it together. But, since Haly’s left Gotham and promised to never return, he hadn’t been concerned. Now, he was.

“Mr. Haly,” he greeted with a nod.

“I don’t want to take up much of your time. I’m sure you and your team are very busy.”

“Busy losing at cards,” Beast Boy grumbled.

“What do you need?” Robin asked.

“I’m not sure if you heard, but we’re having a comeback tour, and next month, we’re coming to Jump City!”

“I saw the billboard.”

“Oh good! I had hoped that advertising was working. I had an idea. We used to do these charity nights where we had special benefactors sponsor us, and all ticket sales would go to the benefactor’s chosen charity.”

Of course he remembered. It was why Bruce Wayne had been there the night that—

Robin assumed, “and you were hoping the Titans could sponsor a show?”

“That’s right! Of course, you would all be considered guests of honor and get VIP seats. But, if it’s not in the budget, I’d understand.”

“I’m sure we can make that happen,” Robin smiled. This conversation was going smoother than he expected. It seemed like Haly was being considerate enough to not assume everyone else knew who he was.

“And…I have a personal favor to ask.”

There it was. “What’s that?”

“I was wondering if you could find someone for me. You see, our circus has many new acts, and some old faces too, but…the Flying Graysons were still the greatest. I was hoping you could find Richard, the Last Flying Grayson, and see if he has it in his heart to perform as a special act. Just one night, as an homage to his parents. Is that something you could do for me?”

Robin was quiet for far too long before he agreed, “yeah, I’ll find him and ask.”

“Excellent. I know this is rather short notice. We’re planning on coming in two weeks, with the first show at the end of June. We were hoping you’d sponsor the show on June 27.”

“June 27th, huh?” There was no hiding the grief in his voice.

“Unless you’d prefer another day.”

“I’ll make it happen, Mr. Haly.”

“Wonderful! Wonderful! Let him know he can reach me at this number once he knows what he’ll need for his act. I can’t wait for you to see how the show looks now!”

Robin’s throat felt tight. “Is Zitka still there?”

“Of course! Fat on peanuts, but she’s still beautiful.”

Robin couldn’t help but smile. “Great to hear. We’ll see you in a few weeks then.”

“See you!” And the call ended.

“Soooo…” Beast Boy grinned. “Who was that?”

“An old friend,” Robin said vaguely. He really didn’t want to talk about it, but knew if he made a big deal about not wanting to talk about it then they’d pry and pry and pry until he talked about it!

“That’s obvious,” said Cyborg. “But what’s the story!? You know circus people?”

Robin swallowed. “They performed in Gotham City for a time. I knew them from my time there.” Half a lie. “I owe Haly a favor.” That was the truth.

“Man, you have the coolest experiences from working with Batman and you never talk about them!”

He scoffed, “like the 22 times Two-Face robbed the Second National Bank of Gotham of all its 2 dollar bills? Yeah, real exciting stuff.”

“Please,” began Starfire, “this sir-cuss is a performance, like theater?”

“Sort of,” Robin smiled. “Circuses travel from city to city, and perform in big tents. There’s big animals, strong men, clowns, all sorts of performers.”

“And who is this Zitka and why is she full of peanuts?”

“She’s an elephant.”

“Cool! Robin’s friends with an elephant!” Cyborg smiled.

“UM HELLO? You all are!” Beast Boy morphed into an elephant.

Cyborg grabbed his trunk. “I meant a real elephant, dummy!”

Beast boy shifted back, rubbing his nose. “So what is he having you do? Something about finding a performer? A Flying Grayson?”

He was afraid of this. It was too close. He had to play it cool, pretend it was nothing. He was removed from the situation, and none of it mattered.

Or he could tell them the whole truth.

Nononononono no. No. Not happening.

“The Flying Graysons…were the headliner. A family of trapeze artists,” he began. “Gotham is full of crazies like the Joker and Two-Face, yes, but it also has a lot of mafia activity. An extortionist threatened Haly, and when Haly didn’t pay up, the thug messed with the rigging to The Flying Graysons’ act.” Robin swallowed harshly. “John and Mary Grayson…f-fell. Their son, Richard, survived.” He sighed. “I saw it happen. It was…pretty traumatic.”

“What of the foul man that committed the crime?” Starfire asked.

“Batman and I beat him up and threw him in jail.”

“So, I guess this Richard guy owes you a favor, huh?” Beast Boy smirked.

“I suppose.”

“Need any help tracking him down?” Offered Cyborg.

“Nah, I know where to find him.”

“I don’t know dude,” Beast Boy wondered. “If my parents died in an accident like that, I’d never touch the trapeze again. Is he still practicing?”

“Not exactly, but he can do it.” Robin headed for the door. “I’m going to go ahead and reach out to him. Have fun with your cards.”

As he departed and was alone, his shoulders sagged heavily and the tears started to well up. “Not yet,” he whispered.

He walked swiftly towards his room, only to be halted by Raven appearing from the floor.

“Wanna talk about it?” She asked.

“About what?” Sooth.

“Robin, I’ve been in your head. I saw your memories. I don’t know the details, but that fall that you witnessed was a prominent memory.”

He had almost forgotten that she had read his mind. Raven was considerate enough to not do it very often to people.

“I’m fine, and I don’t need to talk about anything,” he said sternly, walking past her. Then he felt a wave of guilt, because Raven, the one friend who was the least likely to reach out, was concerned. “But thanks for the offer.”

—-

The next few weeks were quiet. Robin shared no more information about the Circus. He never said if he found Richard Grayson. In fact, he didn’t say much at all. He spent most of his days in his room. He admitted that he had been working in his office a lot of late nights, so he was taking naps during the downtime of the day.

One night at dinner, Beast Boy asked a question that Robin dreaded. “So…I was walking past your room, and I heard a sewing machine?”

Robin nearly dropped his fork.

“What’s all that about?”

Robin gnawed the inside of his cheek. “I’m working on a new costume.”

Starfire nearly floated out of her chair. “Are you becoming Nightwing?!”

“No, not quite,” he smiled at her enthusiasm. “I’m just…making a prototype.” Another lie.

“Can we see it?” Cyborg asked.

“When I’m done, I’ll show you.” Not a lie!

—-

Soon, the date arrived.

Robin banked on the fact that Beast Boy was too preoccupied by games to notice what he was wearing. Just in case, we wore a trench coat over his new costume.

“Beast Boy, I have to leave early for the show, but I’m leaving your guys’ tickets on the counter with instructions.”

“Okay Robby, see you later!” Beast Boy didn’t even turn around.

Robin, the Boy Wonder, exited the tower, and Richard Grayson, the Last Flying Grayson, entered Jump City.

—-

Hours later, the Titans assembled in the ops room, preparing to leave.

“Hey, where’s Robin?”

“Oh, he left hours ago,” Beast Boy said easily. “But I think he left a note around here somewhere…”

“You mean this?” Raven picked up the paper that was very clearly right in front of them.

“Haha…yeah…”

“Dear Titans, I went early to pick up Mr. Grayson. I have left your tickets for you. Your seat numbers are on them. Don’t wait for me, I will meet up with you during the show. Love, Robin.”

“He can be so sweet,” Starfire smiled.

“Yeah yeah, bunnies and flowers, can we go? I’m starving!”

“Oh yeah baby! Carnival food!”

“This isn’t a carnival, it’s a circus,” Raven corrected.

“I hope they have popcorn! No! Pretzels!”

“Whatever they have, I hope it’s deep fried and delicious!”

They piled in the T-Car and made their way out to the edge of town. From even a few miles away, they could see the massive red and white tent, alight with search lights.

“Whoa…” Beast Boy gawked.

“Oh this is most exciting! Such an event on Tamaran would include the beheading of a shnerkel! Will any animals have their heads placed on pikes?”

“Uh…no.” Beat Boy looked ill. “The circus is a fun place with no maiming.”

“Actually,” said Cyborg. “I think their whole thing is death-defying stunts. So doing dangerous things to inspire awe.”

“Fascinating! I believe Robin called that ‘thrill seeking’?”

“Similar,” Said Raven. “Maybe you should just wait and see. It's hard to explain.”

They drove up to the gate, where a man in a purple clown costume waited. “Good evening! You must be the Teen Titans! Robin saved you a parking spot up front. Go ahead.”

“Awww Robin saved us a place so I don’t have to worry about my baby getting scratched!” Cyborg sniffed. “You’re right Star, he really can be sweet sometimes.”

Starfire giggled while Beast Boy made a gagging sound.

Cyborg parked up front, next to Robin’s motorcycle, and then they made their way to the entrance of the tent. They passed the ticket stand that had a sign up that stated ‘Sold out’. Next to the door was a huge poster of a silhouette of an acrobat swinging on a trapeze. The font read ‘One night only, The Last Flying Grayson!’ The song of a calliope rang through the air.

“Sounds like we picked the right show to sponsor,” Cyborg noted.

The tent was massive, with seating all the way around. Four giant poles held up the tent, which was blue with stars on the inside.

“Tickets please,” said a woman in a glittery leotard.

Starfire handed them over.

“Of course! You’re the Titans. You’ll be sitting in the VIP box, in section A.” She pointed to a spot in the bleachers that was raised up and out a little, presumably for the best view.

“We should sponsor more events,” Beast Boy grinned.

“Enjoy the show!” The woman smiled, handing back the tickets.

As they crossed the tent, Cyborg got a whiff of the concession stand. “I’m gettin’ in the food line before it gets too long. Whatchu guys want?”

“Oh! I would like a hot dog with a gratuitous amount of mustard!” Starfire licked her lips at the very idea.

“I’ll wait in line with you Cy,” said Beast Boy.

“Raavveeennnn,” Cyborg sang. “They have pretzels!”

“My day is made,” she droned.

Starfire and Raven went to their seats to wait for the boys.

“Where do you think Robin is?” Starfire asked, standing to peer through the crowd. People were still arriving and the stands were filling.

“Couldn’t say,” Raven shrugged. “Maybe he gets to help the Ringmaster or something.”

Like she summoned him, her communicator buzzed. “Robin to Starfire, come in, Starfire.”

“This is Starfire. Where are you?”

“You’ll see me soon. I need a favor.”

“Anything!”

“When I give the signal, I need you to prepare a Tamaranean discus maneuver.”

“What? Why?”

“Just trust me.”

“Alright, you know best. Where do you wish me to aim you?”

“At the center ring, the stage right in front of you, at the very center.”

“What signal?”

“Eyes on deck.”

“When?”

“You’ll see me. Don’t worry. And relax! Enjoy the show!” And he ended the call.

“Uh, that’s weird.” Raven quirked a brow.

“I hope there is no trouble.”

“He said not to worry. Maybe he’s helping Mr. Grayson out in his act?”

“Oh that would be wonderful! Robin is very good at the flipping!”

“Acrobatics,” Raven corrected.

Soon enough, the boys returned with arms full of all manner of popcorn, pretzels, hot dogs, soda, and cotton candy. “A hot dog and pretzel, for the ladies,” Beast Boy juggled over the two items, as well as two sodas.

“Where’s my cheese?” Raven asked.

“You didn’t say you wanted any.”

“My day is ruined,” she droned.

Then, the lights dimmed, and a drumroll silenced all chatter.

A spotlight illuminated a singular man in the center. The same portly, mustachioed man, wearing a red and gold suit with a top hat. “Ladies and gentlemen!” His voice carried throughout the tent. “Welcome to Haly’s Circus 3000! We would like to thank our generous benefactors for this special event, the Teen Titans!”

Another spotlight ignited on the group, unexpectedly, and they all smiled and waved awkwardly as the crowd applauded.

“Tonight, you will witness performances the likes you’ve never seen! Prepare for awe, laughter, shock, and drama! Please, enjoy the show!”

Sparklers ignited around the ring and the big band struck up a jaunty tune. From all the aisles came the performers. Clowns on stilts, women standing on horses, strong men carrying barrels, and even a bear on a unicycle.

Beast Boy shook Cyborg as he exploded with excitement.

A man in a burgundy suit came to the center ring, holding a whip in one hand, and a giant hoop in the other.

“Please direct your attention to the center ring, where you will see God’s mightiest creature come to heel. I present Marko, the Tiger Whisperer!”

The audience cheered as the Ringmaster left. The man called Marko raised the hoop, and snapped his whip.

From outside the tent came running a streak of black and orange. The tiger leapt into the ring, through the hoop, and skittered to a stop, like an overgrown puppy.

The tamer pet his nose and fed him a treat.

The audience and Titans watched with fascination as the tiger performed tricks that only extremely disciplined dogs could do. The act concluded with the tamer sticking his head in the tiger’s mouth.

Starfire stood up with the crowd to applaud.

Each act that followed was just as spectacular.

There was a juggler that juggled flaming batons and chainsaws. A set of clowns bonked each other on the head with progressively larger and larger cartoonish hammers, and of course, the bear on the unicycle returned.

“Does that give you fond memories, Cyborg?” Beast Boy joked.

“It gives me memories alright. Fond? Not so much.”

“That bear is very talented!” Starfire cooed.

“I’m surprised the unicycle hasn’t broken.”

“And now, ladies and gentlemen,” called the Ringmaster once more, as the lights swirled over the audience. “The moment you’ve been looking forward to all night. A once in a lifetime opportunity. The living legacy himself! Performing high-flying death-defying stunts, 60 feet in the air, without the safety of a net, The Last Flying Grayson!”

The spotlights turned and illuminated a young man, standing in the center ring. The haunting sound of an accordian playing a waltz filled the air.

“Wait, is that–?” Beast Boy squinted.

“It can’t be…” Cyborg gaped.

“But it must!” Starfire gleefully beamed.

“No. Way.”

The young man had black hair, styled into slicked back spikes. He wore a tight, sleeveless red tunic with yellow ties across the front. He had dark green tights, and a yellow sash instead of a utility belt.

He had a sad smile on his mask-less face, along with face paint to make it look like he had a single tear on his cheek.

He bowed low, his arms back behind him. Then he flung back and flipped, once, twice, three times and landed on his feet. A swing, made of silk rope, descended down to him. He wrapped one side around his arm, and took measured steps in time with the music, until he broke into a run, and then twisted. He spun rapidly, gliding over the ground, and gradually raised into the air. The higher he raised, the more his body contorted, until he looked like he was twisted into a pretzel. It was all effortless, as his facial expression never changed. Just kept that look of bittersweet happiness.

“How is he doing that?” Beast Boy asked as Robin held onto the loop with just one hand that reached between his legs while he did the splits.

“I knew he was flexible, but…whoa.”

A woman began to sing while he performed. A sad tune, haunting melody, and unknown words to everyone in the audience.

Everyone, except Starfire.

“Go, go child, go, you'll see, go.”

She knew these words were in a tongue that was not English, but she wasn’t sure how she knew them. Robin had been the only language assimilation she’d had since she’d been on Earth. But perhaps…

She learned it from him.

“Go and you'll see that a smile often hides a great sorrow. Go and you'll see the madness of mankind.”

As he contorted, Robin twisted the rope around himself, forming a cocoon, until he reached the very top. Then, he pulled a pin on one side and he fell, unraveling like a ball of yard.

He stopped about a foot from the bottom, posed with one leg up by his head.

The audience cheered and whistled, but the only one who stayed totally silent was Starfire. Not because she wasn’t enjoying the show, but because she was mesmerized by him.

“Madness of mankind without righteousness, go. Madness of warriors without fear, go.”

Robin wrapped back up in the silk rope and soared through the tent, waving at the crowd as he passed by.

The swing raised up further, and reached the height of a platform that was built into the main beams of the tent. Up here, there were several bars, some stationary, and some hanging on wires.

“Madness of a child full of life who, playing at paradise as a soldier, was killed.”

He simply turned and stepped onto the platform, and offered a little bow.

He raised his arms, took two steps, and leapt, gliding out to a bar on wires. He swung out, flying over the crowd effortlessly, before he flipped and grabbed the next bar with his legs. At the peak of his swing, he flipped off the bar, spun in a tight ball, and landed on a platform on the opposite side of the tent.

The crowd clapped.

Oh, but he wasn’t done. Of course not! He ran and leapt again, catching the bar as it swung back. He used the momentum to swing all the way around the bar several times, getting faster and faster before he let go and flung himself up high. There, he tucked into a ball and rotated twice and caught another bar. He swung on that quickly and shot up again. At the crest of his arc, he hugged his arms to his chest and twisted, turning sideways and upside down.

The audience watched as he came down, and reached for the next bar…

And missed.

“No!” Starfire was on her feet, ready to fly out and catch him, only to watch him fall about ten feet before he twisted again and caught a different bar with his legs.

The audience went wild.

Starfire nearly collapsed with relief.

“Where fortune walks, you can't reach there with the heart anymore.”

He swung backwards, before hooking his feet around the wires and contorting backwards to climb up to stand on the bar. Once it reached the peak swing, he dropped down to his hands and swung, using momentum to swing out far and fast. From here, he leapt onto a hanging hoop. He hooked one leg around the hoop and braced the other inside, then relaxed his torso and threw his hands out. He glided over the audience, nearly touching them. Then he passed the Titans and gave them all high fives with a big smile.

He winked at Starfire.

The hoop rapidly rose up high into the tent, as someone pulled it on the other end.

At the top of the tent, there was a thin wire from post to post, about a hundred feet long, and 70 feet up. The accordion and woman ended their song.

“And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Flying Grayson will become the Balancing Grayson, as he performs the tightrope walk!”

The crowd ‘oo’ed.

Robin withdrew his bow staff from his belt, extended it, and very carefully started walking across the tightrope.

The drums below rolled as he shuffled forward, a little more, a little more…

Suddenly, it looked like he lost his balance as he started swaying and trying to over correct. Then he jerked to one side and fell—

Only to once again catch himself, with one hand on the rope. He flipped back up easily, before stowing the staff again, then he gave an exaggerated shrug and flipped forward, walking the tightrope on his hands.

The crowd went ballistic.

After a few feet, he flipped again, placing one foot down, then the other, then turning and doing a backbend. Up on his hands, then his feet, then he did a front flip, a cartwheel; a full balance beam routine before reaching the other side.

He raised his hands to quiet the roaring crowds.

He took out his staff again, and ran out onto the tightrope. A little before the halfway point, he extended the staff and vaulted up to balance on top of it! He had one hand out, the rest of his body completely straight with his arm. Then, slowly, he transferred the connection point to his forehead.

“Dude…” Beast boy gaped.

Robin balanced on a tightrope, on his staff, on his forehead. The drums rolled.

He gave a little shake of his hands and the band played a cheerful ‘ta-da!’

His friends clapped and cheered, only to be drowned out by the uproar of the crowd.

Robin flipped backwards onto the rope, tucking his baton back into his sash. He watched the swinging bars below and timed it perfectly as he leapt, fell thirty feet, and grabbed the bar expertly.

He whirled through the air, catching bar after bar in more and more precarious ways, like while he was spinning in a somersault, or by just one hand. He even dangled by just one foot.

Starfire watched with awe as he performed, laughter and joy bubbling out of him each time he landed a trick.

It was a side of Robin she’d never seen before.

He was…beautiful.

Of course, she and many other ladies (and probably several men) thought that Robin was cute, handsome, and ‘oh em gee a total hottie’ but seeing him right now, in this environment…he was just beautiful.

Like a galaxy made of an ocean of stars and colors, he was beautiful like a force of nature. His thin frame was deceitful to the strength he held. His ropey muscles had mostly been hidden under loose sleeves and gloves. But Starfire could see them plainly now, and hard at work, twisting under his skin with each aerial feat. The contours of his body were distinct with the skin tight costume. The peak of the human form, a rib cage, surrounded by bands of muscle, a chest with a rapidly beating heart. Even his fingers held incredible strength, as he dangled carelessly from just the tips.

A force of nature. A human in the most definite form.

Utterly mesmerizing.

Robin arched his back, hanging from his ankles with his arms far behind him. He swung his arms, pumping his body to climb higher and higher. He let go, somersaulting in the air, once, twice–five times, before landing on the tips of his toes on a platform. His silk rope dangled off to the side, and he used it to climb all the way back to the top, where the tightrope was.

Once up there, he looked down, right to her. He pointed two fingers at his eyes, then to her.

Eyes on deck.

The signal.

Starfire floated out of her seat, up about ten feet, to provide plenty of clearance for what he had in mind.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he spoke into a mic way up there. “Thank you so much for coming out tonight for my special performance. And to the Teen Titans, thank you for making this event even more special. I knew I had to design my costume after Robin when I heard you guys were going to be here.”

He was such a liar.

“For my final trick, I will need the assistance of a beautiful young woman from the audience.” He pretended to glance around for only a second before exclaiming, “oh Starfire of the Teen Titans! Thank you for volunteering! Give her a hand folks!”

There was an applause, along with laughter, as this had obviously been planned. Starfire giggled as Cyborg shouted, “yeah that’s our girl!”

Robin crawled out on the tightrope, pinwheeling one leg around his body, and then the other. When he reached the middle of the rope, he held his arms out to the side.

A drum roll went up.

He dropped, catching himself with his fingers, and began to swing faster and faster until he was rocketing around the wire, gaining speed.

Then he let go and soared.

Arms out wide like wings, he whooped as he flew.

Then he started to fall, but he had no fear. He was falling right towards her, and she’d catch him.

Starfire floated a couple extra feet, eager to make contact with her friend. She caught him with her hands coming to rest on his ribcage, while he took hold of her shoulders.

“Hi Star,” he beamed, piercing her soul with those vibrant blue eyes.

“Hello,” she smiled back, her heart in her throat. Then she twisted, never letting gravity have a turn with him in this dance. She spun, her grip dragging down to his arms.

Once, twice, three times she spun him, before she let him go. Letting go this time was so different from everytime they performed this maneuver on the field. She wasn’t flinging him into an attack. There was no enemy waiting.

She was throwing him into the end of his act. The end of this beautiful, sacred moment.

Robin twisted in the air and grabbed his staff from his sash. He extended it and dug it into the center of the ring, slowing his descent. He spun around it, his limbs just gliding across the surface as he slowed more and more.

He ended with one leg wrapped around the staff, while the other kicked out. He leaned back and threw his arms out and laughed.

It was like he was mocking the crowd. I flew, his laughter said, I got to fly and you didn’t.

“Ladies and gentlemen! The Last Flying Grayson!”

Robin got to his feet as the crowd stood, screaming and cheering. He bowed once again, and then departed out of the ring, choosing to cartwheel and backflip out.

Starfire was stuck floating in the air, tears streaming down her face, as a bittersweet smile came over her face.

“You coming down?” Cyborg asked.

She nodded awkwardly and sank back into her seat.

“You okay?” Raven asked, offering the edge of her cape to wipe her tears.

“I am only sad it is over,” she lamented.

“No worries!” Cyborg chirped. “I recorded the whole thing!” He tapped his head. “You can watch it over again whenever you want!”

“Oh glorious!” She clapped her hands together, feeling slightly better.

Of course, watching a video would never be the same as watching it in person, but it would have to be enough.

“You guys enjoying the show?” A voice asked from behind them.

They turned in shock as Robin, back in his normal costume and mask appeared behind them. He crouched and stole a handful of Beast Boy’s popcorn.

“That Richard Grayson is something else! Did you see that tightrope act? I wonder how long it took him to perfect that!”

Starfire grabbed him by the front of the shirt and pulled him into a hug. “It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!”

Robin blushed, as she had basically pulled him into her lap, but he hugged her back, nonetheless.

“I wouldn’t say it like that,” said Beast Boy, “but it was certainly the craziest thing I’ve ever seen!”

“I knew you had some skill, but I get so focused on the martial arts part, I don’t even think about your acrobatics!” Said Cyborg.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Raven asked, not accusatory, just curious.

“Uh…” he pulled at his collar. “It’s like…really hard for me to talk about. I figured just showing you would be easier.” He adjusted his grip on Starfire, resigned to the fact he was sitting in her lap. He couldn’t get out of the hug if he tried. “It’s…it’s been 10 years. 10 years ago today that they…my parents…” He swallowed harshly. “Haly knew. He knew I would spend the day crying and in self loathing. It still hurts, and it might never stop, but by being able to do this…it was kinda like…being with them again.”

Starfire hugged him tighter, burying her face in his shoulder.

“You seemed to have fun. Are you gonna do it again someday?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

Eventually, Starfire let him go so that he could sit next to her instead. She still held his arm, too emotional to let him go completely, and honestly, he didn’t mind so much.

They all watched the end of the show together, a rancorous applause as almost all the performers came out and took their bows.

Then, the lights came up, and everyone was free to go.

Robin released a little sigh. It was hard, but it had been worth it. He felt happier and more content than he expected he’d feel today.

“So,” Raven began. “Are you going to introduce us to your friends, or what?”

“Oh yes! I should very much like to meet your elephant!”

Robin smiled. “Whatever you guys want.”

—

They waited for the crowds to thin before Robin led them to another tent. Here, all manner of performers lounged about, some still in costumes and makeup. When the Titans entered, attention swiveled to them.

“Dickie Bird!”

Then there was an onslaught of ‘way to go’s and ‘atta boy’s, accompanied with affectionate head rubs and back pats. Robin took it all in stride, vainly fixing his hair afterwards. “Uh…thanks guys. It means a lot. Um, these are my friends, The Teen Titans. Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire.”

“It is good to meet you all in person,” Mr. Haly himself said, shaking their hands. “Tonight was a smashing success. Thank you for all your help.”

“Uh, gotta be honest man, we just showed up tonight. Robin took care of everything. If anything, we should be thanking you guys for the amazing show!”

“Nevertheless, attaching your name to the show really brought the crowds in! We’re back, baby!”

Robin smiled, thrilled to see Haly’s Circus thriving.

“So,” Beast Boy began, talking quietly to Robin, but everyone heard him. “Everyone here knows who you are, huh?”

Robin blushed, embarrassed. “Yep.”

“You think a little piece of fabric would keep us from recognizing ol’ Dickie Bird?” A man with smudged paint on his face asked. “Even if you did grow a bit.” He nudged Robin.

A strong man spoke up, with a heavy Russian accent. “Your friends, they do not know how you got the name Robin?”

“Hey yeah!” Cyborg said, vexed. “How come we don’t know? Does anyone know?”

Robin rubbed the back of his head. “It’s…kind of embarrassing.”

“Please share!” Starfire asked, linking her fingers around his arm.

Robin sighed. “So…I was born on the first day of spring, so my mom always called me her little Robin.”

“Aww,” said Beast Boy. “That’s sweet!”

Robin continued. “She said it so often, it became kind of like a stage name, though never officially since I only performed with my parents. But we did talk about me having a solo act as I got older, under the name ‘Robin, the Boy Wonder’. When I joined Batman, I was 8 and didn’t know any better and used the same name.” He gave a little shrug. “I don’t even think Batman knows.”

“Oh, he knows,” said Haly with a laugh. “Shortly after your debut, he sent me a strongly worded email telling me not to tell anyone or there would be consequences.”

Robin rolled his eyes. “Did you respond to that nonsense?”

“You know, I did? I told him you were our boy and that we wouldn’t do anything to put you into harm’s way…which is why we let that playboy billionaire adopt you, despite the fact he clearly didn’t know how to raise a kid. Anyways, I asked Batman if he was in the habit of sending kids to fight on the street. And you know what he told me? He said that you went after Anthony Zucco yourself, at 8 years old. He found you out there and you told him you weren’t going to stop looking for Zucco until he was dead or behind bars.”

“Toughest eight year old I ever heard of,” Raven said, actually sounding impressed.

“So, I let it go. But, we've been keeping an ear out for you.”

Robin wasn’t all that surprised that Batman had basically threatened his extended family, but he was proud that Haly didn’t put up with his bullshit.

It also sounded like they didn’t know that Bruce Wayne was Batman. So that was a relief.

“It was Donna’s idea to reach out to you,” Haly continued. “I didn’t know if it was a good idea, but you don’t know until you take a chance, right?”

The woman that had taken the tickets came up to him and put an arm around his shoulder. “We still love you, Dickie Bird, and I knew we had to take that chance to see you.”

“Dickie Bird?” Beast Boy asked Cyborg, in a hush.

Another man started whistling a happy tune, before a few others joined in singing, “a Dickie Bird whispered ‘haven’t you heard? Spring is here, spring is here, spring is here’.”

Then Robin finished, “And you and I fell in love in reply on hearing the Dickie bird’s news.” His smile was tight. “I…had forgotten they sang that. But I guess I never forgot the song.”

Donna gave him a loving pinch to his cheek. “Now Dick, there’s something we wanted to give you. We found this in the archives, and we thought you would want it.” She retrieved a tube from a table, and two of the strong men opened it up and unraveled the large poster inside.

The Flying Graysons

New Addition

Dick, Our Boy Wonder

It was the poster from his debut show, three years before the accident.

“Is that you?” Starfire asked, nearly cooing. “You were so small.”

“Still is,” Cyborg grinned.

“Yeah,” Robin breathed. “Thanks Donna. It means a lot.”

“Of course, baby. Now, we’re gonna put the poster from tonight in there too, so you can have both, okay?”

Robin just nodded.

Starfire could see this was hard for him, and just laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Why don’t you go say hello to Zitka?” Donna urged. “I’m sure she missed you.”

“Will she remember you?” Cyborg asked.

Robin chuckled, “well, they say an elephant never forgets.”

—-

When they returned to the tower, Robin shut Richard Grayson away in the closet, where he belonged, along with both posters. Just a skeleton of his past life. He was Robin now, all the time. 24/7.

Whenever Starfire tried to talk about it, he deflected the topic. Not harshly or cruelly, he just decided not to answer her directly.

It broke her heart.

About a week later, she sat on the rooftop, looking at the moon, that haunting accordion tune playing in her mind, the silhouette of her friend against the curtain was just a shadow on the surface.

“Hey…you okay?” Robin’s voice asked from the door. “You were pretty quiet today.”

She wasn’t sure if she could handle a conversation with him right now. All she wanted was to talk about his performance. She had questions and observations, and she just wanted to share it all with him. She couldn’t bear hearing him shut it all down again.

“You know you can talk to me,” he said softly, resting a hand on her shoulder.

“Can I?” She asked just as softly.

“Of course.”

“It is…about the circus.”

He frowned.

She prepared herself for the wall that was about to drop.

Instead, he took a seat beside her, legs crossed in front of him. “I’m sorry. You’ve been trying to talk about it all week and…like I said, it’s really hard for me to talk about.”

“I understand. I have things in my life that are equally difficult to share.” She reached out and touched the side of his face, where the painted tear had been. “I just…admired your performance so much. You were most joyous. I have seen you happy, but never like that. I would like to share that experience with you again. Perhaps then maybe one day, it will not be so hard to talk about?”

Robin was quiet for a long time, considering it. Then he offered a small smile. “I’ll think about it.”

She returned the smile. “That’s all I ask.”

—

Another week passed. Robin seemed to clam right back up.

Starfire was resigned to the fact that that one night at the circus was all anyone was ever going to see. And she had to be fine with it. So what if he was her best friend? It was his tragedy, and only he could decide who he’d share it with.

But then, late one night, there was a knock at her bedroom door.

“Hello?” She asked, as she answered.

There was no one there, but there was a package at her feet. A brown paper wrapped parcel, with a note on it.

‘Starfire,

Please put this on and meet me in the training room.

-Love, Robin’

Curious, she ripped the paper off, only to find a purple piece of cloth, nearly the same color as her uniform. She unraveled it, surprised to find a suit made of stretchy material. It was purple but had silvery accents and glittery beads all over the front.

It was so pretty! She held it up and did a little twirl, then rushed to put it on.

It wasn’t a completely perfect fit, but it was comfortable and not too tight. She zipped through the tower in haste to get to the training room.

Richard Grayson was there, dangling from his ankle from a bar hanging from the ceiling. He looked at her as she entered.

“Oh wow!” He chirped, flipping off to land on his feet. “That turned out great! I wasn’t sure if it would fit, because I measured a spare uniform that obviously doesn’t have all the measurements—”

“You made this?”

“...yeah? I made all my uniforms. Always have.”

“There is so much I do not know about you, Richard Grayson,” she smirked, coming closer.

He blushed, but smiled at her. “It’s so weird hearing you say that name.”

“Why do you look at me in such a way?” She asked, tilting her head.

“What way? I’m just…looking at you. I mean, you’re pleasant to look at, but if I’m staring I’m not meaning to!” Shutupshutupshutupshutup!

“You mean to say this is how you look at me when your mask is on as well?”

“Yes?” Was that a good thing? Or was he in trouble now? Did he hurt her feelings? Was he leering? Glaring?

A pretty blush dusted her cheeks as her smile deepened, though it looked like she was trying not to show it.

He cleared his throat. “Um…would you like to…learn some moves?”

Her eyes glistened. When she asked if he would share with her, she had expected him to just talk, not this! “Yes please!”

“Alright.” He ran and leapt, grabbing hold of the bar, then he contorted so he could hang upside down, his feet hooked around the wires. “Okay, come here and hold my arms, facing the same direction as me.”

She gleefully did, having to hover a little to reach.

“Okay, you’re going to push off that box to get us swinging.”

She did, and thrust her legs to pick up momentum.

“Good! Now just do it in time with me so we pick up maximum height.”

“Can I not just fly us up?”

“You could, but where’s the fun in that?”

She giggled. “You always have a certain way to do things.”

“That I do!”

They swung together, making the bar go farther and farther out.

“Okay, now I want you to kick up and try to hook your feet with my calves. Don’t worry if it takes a couple of times.”

Using her super strength, she easily flipped up and hooked her legs with his. She was going to tease him about how good she already was, until she realized the extremely intimate position this put them in. They were completely pressed together, and she saw straight into his blue eyes. “Oh,” she whispered.

“What?” He smirked.

“We are close.”

“Yep. That’s part of the experience. Now, put your arms around my neck.”

She did so, amazed that they could get any closer.

He had kept the swing moving despite being nervous about having Starfire so close, and effortlessly, he flipped them right side up so he was sitting on the bar and she was in his lap. “Ta-da!”

She couldn’t help but giggle again.

“Hey Star?”

“Yes Robin?”

“Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you. This is very sweet. What made you finally share?”

He kicked his legs so they stayed gliding through the air. “For the longest time, Trapeze represented falling instead of flying like it should. I figured…if anyone would understand flying, it would be you. So…” He avoided eye contact, feeling awkward. That was the dumb answer.

“That I do,” she grinned softly, tenderly. Her heart was full, she thought she might just burst. “What next?”

“Grab hold of the wires, then put your feet on the bar, right here.” He patted the space next to his hips.

She stood, sort of, and made a ‘v’ with her body.

“I’ll lean back, and you stand up straight. 1…2…3!”

Starfire readjusted her grip on the wires and stood, looking down. She watched as Robin fell backwards, and then disappeared. “What…?”

The weight on the bar shifted, and suddenly he was behind her, arms around her waist, and chin on her shoulder.

“How did you do that?”

“Trade secret,” he chuckled. “Now, when I tell you to, I want you to let go and bring your knees up.”

“But I am holding the wire, and you are holding me. If I let go…”

“Trust me Star,” he said earnestly. “You’ll love this.”

“Alright. I am ready when you are.”

He tightened his hold on her waist. “And…go!”

Starfire let go of the wire, tucked her knees, and instinctually clenched her eyes shut. She let out a loud ‘EEP!’ as she felt them fall backwards together. Then she flipped all the way around, before they came to a swinging stop. She peeled her eyes open to find herself parallel with the ground, being held by the hips.

She craned her neck to look at Robin, who was hanging by his knees. “Ta-da!” He chuckled. “It’s probably not all that exciting since you can fly on your own.”

She laughed and placed her arms out in front of her, like she did when she flew. “Contrariwise, it is very exciting! I am not prepared for what you are going to do. I am not in control.”

“So this is a good trust exercise then!”

“You have my trust, Robin,” she said so sincerely, so confidently, it brought a pang to his heart. He trusted her too. With his life, with his past, with his heart—

Starfire noticed he was using her like a pendulum to gain height again. So, she flew, just a little, just to get the bar moving.

“Ready Star?” He called down.

“What is happening?!”

“Here we go!”

Starfire let out a shriek this time as he yanked her upwards and let go, only to grab her a second later and hug her to himself. She fell to sit sideways in his lap as he sat on the bar.

“Did I scare you?”

“Only for a moment!” She giggled, the joy in her soul bubbling over. She wrapped her arms around his neck for a better hold.

Robin lazily kicked his foot to keep them moving, but otherwise just enjoyed having her close. What a thought. They weren’t even talking.

He shook his head, a little embarrassed by himself.

“What is it?” She asked sweetly.

“Nothing, just thought of something ironic.”

“Would you please share your ironic thought?”

He held his breath.

Well.

He was Richard Grayson right now. No mask, no polymerized titanium cape, and Starfire was sitting on his lap.

Couldn’t really get more vulnerable than that, right?

He exhaled. “I was just thinking…I lost the two people I loved the most to a fall. But I don’t have to worry about losing the girl I love, because she can fly.” He offered a small smile.

“Me?” Her eyes brightened.

He just nodded.

“Robin, you truly love me?”

“Yeah,” he whispered.

She touched his face, gently drifting her thumb over his cheek. “The feeling is mutual.”

His shoulders sagged in relief, and his smile grew.

“Shall we initiate lip contact?”

He barked a laugh, not because it was funny, but because it was so Starfire that it brought him immense joy. Instead of answering, he just leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

Starfire smiled into the kiss and hugged him tighter. Thankfully not too tight, as she had a tendency to get carried away with these things.

As they pulled away, they stayed close, just savoring the moment.

As Robin was in what was probably the happiest moment of his young life, it all shattered in front of his face. Like a bucket of ice water, the sound of three people clapping slapped against his face.

Well, a cyborg, changeling, and an empath.

Robin whipped his head around to stare at the intruders.

“Bravo! Encore!”

“Bravissimo!”

“Yay.”

“How…long…have you guys been there?”

“Dude, like, the whole time. When I saw Starfire dressed like a purple disco ball, I knew something like this was going down.”

“The pageantry! The drama! The action! The romance! Best show I’ve seen all week,” Cyborg smirked.

“Congrats on the kissing,” said Raven, who seemed genuinely happy for them in her own way.

Robin sighed. He should have known better.

“So are you going to teach us how to acrobat?” Asked Beast Boy.

“Do we have to sit on your lap too?” Asked Cyborg, wiggling his eyebrows.

“As long as I get a sparkly leotard, I’ll be happy,” Raven made a rare joke.

Robin was far too embarrassed to retort to any of that, so he just hid his face in Starfire’s shoulder.

“Dudes! We can start our own circus! We have a full set! And we could all learn Trapeze from Robin and do a whole show! We can call it, ‘The Teen Swingers Club’.”

Cyborg and Robin burst out laughing while Raven desperately tried not to.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“Yes, I do not understand the joke either.”

Robin whispered the meaning to her quietly before she also burst out laughing.

“Aw man. I hate it when my best jokes are accidents.”

“The best things that happen to you are accidents,” Raven quipped. “You probably were an accident.”

“Hey!” He barked, offended.

Starfire giggled and rested her head on Robin’s chest. “Do not be embarrassed, Robin. For I could not hide what happened from our friends, and this way we do not have to tell them.”

He sighed. He supposed that was a bonus.

Besides, he had started this trend of showing vulnerability instead of talking about his feelings. Why stop now?

“Hang on,” Robin told Starfire.

She gleefully squeezed tighter as he fell backwards, and the rest of the Titans cheered.

—

The next day, both posters were hanging proudly in the training room, right by the acrobatics equipment.

#fanfiction #robin #starfire #robstar #teen titans #tt animated #dick grayson #koriand'r

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idontplaytrack · 3 months ago

Text

✧ I’ll make it anywhere

Janis ‘Imi’ike x Regina George(+ little sister reader)

Warnings: fluff, coarse language

Part 2 of 3. Read part 1 here.

“I asked her out.”

“And?” Regina asked.

“Thea said yes. We’re going out Friday after school to see a movie and hang out at the mall.” You nearly squealed.

Regina chuckled, “See? We told you everything would be fine.”

“I just…don’t really want to be too excited about this because mom’s been keeping a real close eye on me ever since you’ve been out of the house.”

“I get it.” Regina answered. “Have fun, though.”

“I will, Reg. Thanks.” You sat down on your bed, dropping your backpack on your desk chair.

You got up on your feet a minute later, still on the phone with Regina when you put your phone on the dresser and put her on speaker mode. “How’s Janis? She had the flu a couple days ago, didn’t she?”

“Hi, y/n.” Janis greets, “I’m all better now, thanks for asking.”

“That’s great.” You smiled while opening up your dresser drawers to grab a change of clothes. While you got changed, Janis asks, “How ya doing?”

“Cannot wait for summer already.” You sigh, flopping back onto your bed with your phone in hand.

“Plans?” Regina asks, curious.

“I barely made a few hundred over spring break. Not sure if I wanna continue working while school’s ongoing.” You laugh, “Just dreaming about the city again, and the bagels, god the bagels.”

“We can fly you in again, you know.” Regina mentions. “Or let mom know and you two will be here before you know it.”

“Eh, true.” You chuckled. “Can I stay with you guys again?”

“Of course.” They answered in sync.

You hung up after awhile, wanting to take a nap. “I’m gonna go, I wanna take a nap.”

“Okay, remember to do your homework.” Your sister reminded you.

“I will, right after I get some sleep.”

“Bye, ladybug.” Regina says with a laugh, “Talk to you again soon.”

“Bye, Reggie.”

You tossed your phone aside and quickly fell asleep. When you woke up, it was only because your mom knocked on your door.

“Dinner’s ready, honey.”

“I’m up, Mom. I’ll be right there.” You rolled over onto your back, stretching your arms out. You took your phone with you and sat at the table with your mom to have dinner together. “You’re not going to meet up with Dad?”

“No, I already told him. The answer will always be no. He left us. I don’t want to be around him anymore.” You bite back a sigh, poking your fork into the vegetable lasagna. Dinner went by as per usual, some questions here and there about your day, but it was generally…okay, sometimes a little awkward since you wouldn’t have much to say. You really just didn’t have much going on right now.

“Hey, honey.” She held onto your wrist, and you stopped walking.

“Yeah?” You turned around to face her.

“How is that situation with um…” She began.

“Doran?” You asked expectantly, “He apologised and hasn’t stared at me since. Let’s…hope it stays that way.”

She nods, giving you a hug, “That’s great. But you know what to do if—”

“I’ll tell you, and tell the school.”

“That’s right.” June nodded, “Okay, have a good night, honey. Sleep tight!”

————

“Hey.” You felt a tap on your shoulder, causing you to look back swiftly.

“Oh, hi, Thea.” You smiled, “What’s up?”

“Nothing much, wanna sit together at lunch?”

“Sure, whoever gets to the cafeteria first finds us a table?”

Thea agrees, “Sounds good. You have calc before lunch?”

“Yeah, in 313.”

“Oh.” Thea nods, “I’ll be in 117 right near the cafeteria.”

“Nice, would be helpful since we only have thirty minutes for lunch.” You chuckled.

“Thirty minutes is not enough.” Thea quips.

The first bell rings, interrupting the conversation. “Especially with you.” She continues. You looked away so quickly, feeling your cheeks heat up. She gives you a hug and says, “See you at lunch. Have a good day.”

You laughed awkwardly, “See you at lunch, Thea.”

The rest of your day seemed to drag on. You were practically buzzing with excitement, staring at the clock watching the time tick by. You couldn’t wait for lunchtime. She kept creeping into your mind— it was distracting.

Three hours later, it was finally time for lunch. You made a beeline for the cafeteria, winding your way through the sea of students in the hallways. You saw Thea sit down at a table, so you walked faster to get to where she was. “Hey!” Thea’s face lit up at the sight of you.

“Hi, Thea.” You set your bag down, “Let’s go get our food before the line gets any longer.”

“Good call. I hate queuing up for lunch, we barely have enough time to eat most days.”

“I actually thought of making my own lunches. But I don’t wanna sacrifice my sleep.” You laughed, moving up in the line.

“If you ask me, sleep is more important. Considering how early school starts, and we have to get ready, have breakfast, make our way here.”

“Exactly!” You exhaled, “Most days I get home from school and I just crash until dinner. Then I have dinner, do my homework or some revision, I shower, then I barely have enough time to do anything else for myself.”

“It’s probably only gone get worse from here, y/n.” Thea chortled, “We have one foot out of high school to college.”

“Ugh.” You groaned, “College freaks me out a little right now, if I’m being honest.”

“It’s pretty scary.” Thea agrees, “It’s still quite far away, but near enough that we know we gotta quit playing around.”

“I have like seven schools in mind, three dream schools, four safetys.” You revealed,

“I have eight. Four each.” Thea scoffs, “I know I’m a good student but somehow it just doesn’t feel like enough. The grades show it, but I can’t help but feel like I will still suck somehow,”

“Our minds…tricky.” You nodded, lips pursed, “We could be doing the best we can but sometimes still feel like our best isn’t good enough, even though we may be working ourselves half to death.”

Thea quirked a brow, nodding.

“Well that took a dark turn.” You bit the inside of your cheek, sipping on your sparkling water.

“It’s the truth. I agree with that, life can be tough in that sense.” Thea shrugged, unfazed.

“Mm.” You hummed, glancing at her.

————

After that little lunch thing with Thea on Tuesday, that’s how the rest of your week went. You sat with Thea during lunch whenever possible, and got to know her outside of class. Turns out, the two of you had pretty similar beliefs. In particular, how the universe always had three answers for people: no, not yet, or I have something better for you.

You believed in that for as long as you could remember. But ever since getting to know Thea, that belief has only strengthened.

School let out early on Friday so you went home right after to get ready to go out with Thea in a couple hours. You met up with her at the mall, watched the movie and was then walking around just chatting. Everything was going great, you felt like you two really clicked. She was really sweet and went home with you that night to make sure you got back safe and sound. So absolutely nothing would have prepared you for the hell that was the coming weekend. Thea asks you out to brunch the next day and being excited to spend more time with her, you agreed. Everything went fine— like usual, the conversation was unending, lots of anecdotes shared…along with laughter. But then it came to a screeching halt when she mentioned that her parents were out of town, and invited you to her house. You chewed the inside of you cheek, feeling your heart beginning to race. The way she asked you…you were sure she didn’t just want you to go to her house to hang out. She wanted to hook up with you. You wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but then she continued and asked if you wanted to have sex. She actually explicitly used those words. And well, your eyes looked like they were going to pop out from your head, having not expected a question like this. Even though the thought has crossed your mind once, actually going through with it was scary.

Somehow, you were in her room, making out with her— you’d let desire take over instead of letting your head freak you out. Thea did say that you two didn’t have to do anything more if you didn’t want to.

You feel her hand roaming lower and lower, and your sobriety became more and more apparent. “Mm-mm, no, no. I don’t want to. I’m not ready.”

Thea instantly pulled away. “That’s okay.”

“Excuse me.” You stumbled out of her bed, asking her where her bathroom was.

“Right across from the hall.” She told you.

You walked in there, locking the door behind yourself as you stared at yourself in the mirror, hands grabbing the edge of countertop till your knuckles turned white. You took deep breaths until your breathing evened out again, screwing your eyes shut until the racing thoughts died down.

“You alright, y/n?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I uh— I just— I just need to go, I’m sorry. It’s been a lot of fun, but I freaked out and I’m sorry—”

“Hey.” Thea looked at you, concerned, “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it, we’ll let things happen naturally. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it’s fine too.”

You exhaled harshly, “Okay.”

“Do you want me to drive you home?”

“It’s okay, I want to be on my own for a bit. Thank you, though.”

“Yeah, of course. Have a safe trip back home.”

From the moment you got home and have been debating in your head who to talk to. It then became a toss up between Janis and Regina. Your final choice was Janis.

“Hey, what’s up?” She chirped.

“Uh, so— I don’t know if Regina told you but I went on a date?”

“With Thea yesterday.” She replied.

“And today.” You continued.

“Okay.” Janis answered calmly.

“It was great at first, we just went out to brunch and talked a bunch then she suddenly told me that her parents weren’t home and asked if I wanted to go over to hers,” You started to explain, “I thought, ‘okay, that would be fine’. But no, she said more— she asked if we should hook up. Well, long story short I did go over but we only made out. But she wanted to go further, I stopped her because I didn’t want that yet. I told her I couldn’t do it, she said it was okay but I was still freaked out and decided to leave…to go home. I don’t even know why it’s such a big deal because things turned out to be okay, I’ve been home a few hours now I thought of calling Regina but I thought you’d be the better choice— I just don’t wanna worry her. And she can be a little— overwhelming.”

“I get it, it’s a lot to process but it’s still very early on. If it makes you feel any better I was so damn nervous about my first time but if it’s with the right person, you just forget about your worries eventually. If you two had a conversation about it, and things were okay before you left her house, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Take the rest of the weekend to clear your mind, focus on yourself, doing what you want. To put it simply, if she really likes you and cares about you, she wouldn’t force you into anything. A relationship isn’t just about the physical things.”

“I- I know. Thanks, Jan. I just needed to get that out of my system. Thanks for hearing me out.”

“Any time, bubs.” She assured, “And um, it was a good thing you didn’t call Reg because she went to bed early— her back started to act up today and she took painkillers then just slept.”

“Oh, no.” You sulked, biting your nail, “Is she okay? Did the meds help? Sometimes it doesn’t help.”

“She’s fine, it did help. It took away some of the pain, she managed to fall asleep pretty quickly. I’ve been up for a bit to complete a new art piece and keeping an eye on her. So far, everything’s going well.”

“Okay.” You gnawed on your bottom lip, “Don’t sleep too late though.”

“No promises.”

“Janis.” You warned, “Come on.”

“Alright, alright. Thirty minutes then I’m off to bed. You, too, okay?”

“Fine.” You sulked.

“Good niiight.” She chuckles.

“Night, Jan. Thank you.”

She joked, “Of course, bubs. Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

💭A/N:

Took wayyy longer than expected but I got it done. Hope you enjoyed 🥲✨

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verdemoun · 7 months ago

Note

hehe hows seans fathers day experience

oh. oh this is PERSONAL. because you know what. i am stealing your own damn post and overanalyzing the crap out of it.

Darragh Macguire died in June. why am i providing evidence i don't know i have just thought through this question so hard. we don't have many confirmed dates in rdr2 but colter takes place in early spring (march?), few days here and there, few weeks moving camps, blessed are the peacemakers yada yada ya did you know it's entirely possible sean died before June. he died so young he died before the 10th anniversary of Darragh's death.

and then maybe, maybe he's so bamboozled trying to learn modern era keeping track of dates is not a priority. maybe it's the start of autumn/fall. all the leaves are going orange and gold and brown and he loves fall and in panic remembers wait i lost my da in summer. he remembers quietly, in a kind of somber in a way that to most don't associate with the irish terrier and it feels weird. almost wrong. it's been 10 years since da died. technically been over 110+ years.

hey what's the date today

he missed the anniversary of his da's death. and it bothers him so much he has to pull up that wall of i'm the unstoppable sean macguire so high that no one knows whats bothering him. if anything, they think sean is just his usual loud self to such an obnoxious extreme because he just really loves fall and crushing leaves and sprinting through parks alone and going to parties and hanging out with other young people outside the gang and drinking

just losing weeks of time being young and his own personal brand of reckless until he can will himself to forget he's a terrible ungrateful son who's da died, was murdered, trying to give him a new life and he forgot to do anything on the anniversary of his death

give it a year. it's been a year in modern era. he's got hosea, lenny, kieran, arthur. known bessie for a year and she's pretty damned cool. he's learned about da is a folk hero and been back to ireland and seen and learned so much about his da, the self-educated genius, the rebel, the politician and activist who is remembered by history.

june's coming up and he's ready. he knows exactly what he's going to do he's going to go to a bar and have a pot of beer the proper irish way and a smoke by himself on a warm summer night and just remember his da and how much he loves him and how much darragh loved him.

but then bessie's quietly preparing for father's day. which is a new concept to the gang. first time people even spoke about father's day was 1910 it wasn't a thing in gang era and it takes place in june. bessie explaining oh it's sort of a silly thing but it's a day for celebrating and remembering fathers most people buy a little present or knick-knack of some kind just as a way of showing they love and appreciate their fathers

sean immediately softening to the idea. thinks it's awesome. knows exactly what he's going to do. gives her some cash to buy something nice for hosea from him but he needs a little bit of bessie's help. she's much better at planning things even though he wants to do it alone and she knows all about darragh and understands why he wants to go all the way to boston.

gets on a flight all by himself because he might hate flying but being on a bus for multiple days would similiarly drive him insane. gets to land in boston and it's not. the same. like some things are familiar he can see a few old brownstones from the 19th century but he's walking around just kind of looking at things. looking at street signs and finally walking a street that's completely changed. not even sure if it's that street anymore or if the whole layout has changed or if he didn't remember it as well as he did but walking past the completely changed location he lost his da.

he finds a nice park to sit in. gets out his things. a clumsy bouquet of flowers half squashed in his bag because that's what you take to graves (darragh not having a grave because his body was taken by the british agency), a beer for him, a beer for his da, some brain puzzle keychain they were selling the father's day section that he thought darragh would've loved if he was there. lights his cigarette and just gets to mourn but also celebrate all the good things he remembers about his da

ends up having to run from police because you can't smoke or drink in public parks in modern era and cackling because how else would sean macguire end up celebrating father's day if not running from police

#rdr2 timewarp au #sean macguire

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wreywrites · 6 months ago

Text

The Ones We Carry

Summer of Bad Batch Week 4

Prompts: Cadets & “You really think you’re going without me? Not going to happen.”

A/N: Flashbacks for this and Jedi June? Apparently. Also I'm a day late. These prompts were a struggle for me (idk man) and I'm still not totally sold on this one but in the spirit of not getting bogged down, I'm posting it and moving on. Warnings: Not-so-fond memories of Kamino, Crosshair gets to swear a little, as a treat AO3

“How do you know him?” Omega asked as the recorded holo came to an end.

Zara, arms crossed, frown etched on her face, said, “I’ve known him for a long time.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s safe to go running when he asks nicely,” Hunter said with an equal frown.

“He’s not going to turn me—”

“I knew Cid for a long time, and look what she did,” Echo growled. “I vote no.”

“It’s not a kriffing vote.” Zara ground her teeth. She liked the guys, but she was an adult, and a trained Jedi, and didn’t need them to always be babying her and breathing down her neck in the name of keeping her safe. “I’m going, because my people asked me to.”

“Oh, he’s ‘your people’ now?”

“What about us?”

“Listen!” she snapped. “Last time I saw him was years ago on Kamino, telling the shinies stories about flying fighters in—” She stopped at the looks on their faces. “What?”

“Kamino?” Crosshair hissed.

Hunter worked his jaw. “So he was a bounty hunter.”

“No, he wasn’t then and I’d bet you the bounty I’m worth that he’s not now—”

“That is precisely the issue,” Tech said. “As a Jedi, you are worth a substantial bounty, one that would make almost any galactic citizen willing to turn you over to the Empire. What is to say this one won’t seize the opportunity?”

She shook her head. “I’m going.” She slammed a datachip on the table. “This will decode in two weeks. If I’m not back and you haven’t heard from me by then, you can go to the coordinates and start looking for me. Got it?”

Zara didn’t wait to hear their answers before stalking off to the ship, immensely glad they refueled when they got home from the last trip so she could just leave right now.

*****

“How did it go today?”

Crosshair shrugged as he finished reassembling his rifle after cleaning and polishing it.

“How about you, Wrecker?”

“Hungry,” Wrecker mumbled. “They made me train through lunch.”

“Here.” Tech held out a ration bar, one of the many 99 had smuggled to them over the last several months since their training had intensified.

Wrecker inhaled it, then started recounted his day, his eyes lighting up the way they always did when he got to talk about wiring explosives and timing detonators. “He actually said I did good today! Got to wire a domino string for blowin’ up walls and dams and long stuff like that. Said I was a natural.”

“Well… you are,” Tech tilted his head quizzically. It looked like he was wondering why the instructor had bothered pointing out such an obvious fact.

Crosshair elbowed him on his way to his bunk.

“Wh—”

“That’s good, Wrecker,” Hunter said quickly. “Really good.”

What none of them said, what they never mentioned, was how normal it was for Wrecker to train right through meal times, for Hunter to get back to their barracks at the end of the day with a splitting headache, for Tech to alternately babble without end all the words he wasn’t allowed to say during training or sit in silence with his datapad either ignoring or not even hearing conversation directed his way, for Crosshair’s eyes to burn from strain and his legs to twitch and bounce from pent-up nervous energy.

For the words they all heard, all day, from the bounty hunters the Kaminoans hired to train them.

Words that even the other cadets, who harbored mixed feelings about the enhanced cadets, wouldn’t repeat—not even to tease them. The other cadets didn’t hate them, but it kriffing felt like the instructors did.

Words sneered at eight-year-old children.

“Surely you can do better than that.”

“Faster—you can’t hesitate to pull the trigger.”

“You should know this.”

“If you can’t handle this, maybe we should decommission you right now and save ourselves the trouble.”

Crosshair’s eyes felt like the eye drops one of the medic trainee cadets had given him had been replaced with liquid tibanna. He couldn’t even remember how far he’d been shooting today—just that it seemed unnecessarily far—

“Hey.”

Wrecker’s weight settled onto Crosshair’s bunk.

“You okay?”

Crosshair rolled over to face the wall in response.

“Don’t let ’em get to ya,” Wrecker said quietly. “We know you’re the best, no matter what those bounty hunters say.” Then he stood up, and something small took his place.

Crosshair stayed there, curled on his side with his eyes squeezed shut toward the wall until the others had finished their nightly routines and one of them clicked off the lights. When it had been dark and quiet for several minutes, he rolled over.

There was Lula.

*****

It was her first time in hyperspace.

No, it wasn’t.

The first time she had been only one, and Master Depa had been bringing her from Mandalore to Coruscant. Zara didn’t really remember it. She remembered being sad, though with the benefits of age and hindsight and knowledge of the Force, she had later become sure that it wasn’t her sadness, but his.

This trip, though, this trip she would remember forever. The joy running rampant through the Force between her and her clanmates and the excitement that Padawan Swan felt at this great responsibility and honor that had been given to her.

Nahdar bounced in place next to her. On the other side of the room, Anakin and Aayla wrestled to burn off some energy.

Zara looked down at her datapad and its collection of sketches. Soon she would be building it, the lightsaber in her designs, and then she would be carrying it on her hip like the big Jedi did, and then she would be learning as someone’s padawan! Her eagerness was palpable, she was sure, but she didn’t care. She was surrounded by friends and today was the first big step on their way to becoming Jedi.

*****

“Force, you’re stressed.” Zara nudged the wall panel, opening the door to the supply closet and revealing Crosshair sitting in a nest of blankets. She dropped a couple of ration bars into his lap. “And you’re here, when I recall all of you saying you didn’t want me here, so go ahead and explain that.”

“You said you knew this guy on Kamino. But did you know what he was like on Kamino?” Crosshair shook his head. “They were awful. All of them. Acted like they’d rather be anywhere else and getting their toenails ripped out than teaching us. Made life hell for us in exchange.”

“I was there,” she said quietly, trying to be patient. “I was on Kamino several times during the war. I know what it was like—”

“No you don’t!” he snapped. “We grew up there! We only had each other and the mudscuffers training us, and they were—No.”

“No what?” Zara snapped back.

“You’re not—You insist on going to see this man? Fine, whatever. But you really think you’re going without me? Not going to happen.”

“Is that what you’ve got the whole entire Force churning about?”

He leveled a glare at her.

“No, I’m serious. You snuck on the ship with me and now you’re sitting here stewing because I’m going to visit my uncle, the Protector of Concord Dawn, who happened to train fighter pilots on Kamino, because you think he’s the same person as kriffing Bric Sykevi—”

*****

“Yes, Master Chief.”

“Sorry, Master Chief.”

“I’ll do better next time, Master Chief.”

It made him feel better that the regs were terrified of Master Chief too, but it didn’t make him any less scared of the man, or of the punishments he could dole out and the threats he could make that only took one misstep to turn into actions taken.

He couldn’t wait to graduate, to get promoted from cadet to private or whatever they wanted to call him, to leave Kamino and never see those instructors again.

*****

“Bric—!” He was on his feet, pile of blankets left behind as he towered over Zara. He dropped his voice and growled, “Bric Sykevi is the lowest piece of bantha shit in the galaxy. If he died right now, I would only mourn because I didn’t get to kill him myself.”

“Whoa…” Zara breathed, leaning away until she bumped the wall.

“And anyone who willingly worked for him—I just—I can’t—”

“Please take a deep breath.”

He hauled in a breath through gritted teeth. “I was raised by bounty hunters hired, first by the Kaminoans and then by Bric Sykevi, to turn us into cold-blooded killing machines. That is my experience with what you might call ‘parental figures.’”

*****

Ky and Master Obi-Wan were laughing so hard tears ran down their faces.

“So Quin—Quin—” Ky wheezed, completely unable to finish her embarrassing story about Master Quinlan, but Master Ob-Wan didn’t need her to. They had known Master Quinlan since they came to the Temple as children.

“Let me guess—he tried to sweet-talk—”

“He tried to sweet-talk the guard!”

Master Obi-Wan roared, leaning against Ky as she howled.

Zara smiled. Their quiet afternoon of meditation had turned into Anakin napping in the grass—Master Obi-Wan said he needed it after their morning spar—and Ky and Master Obi-Wan trading stories about their adventures in the wide galaxy while Zara sat and listened and basked in the sunshine of the Force.

In moments like this, she could remember more clearly. A blue-eyed boy, his tongue sticking out and his eyes crossed. A red-haired man picking her up and tossing her high over his head, then catching her and spinning her around and around as she laughed.

*****

“So you decided to stow away? To what? Protect me from my actual family member because you had horrible people paid to raise you?”

*****

Crosshair remembered pain and fear and exhaustion, learning to check corners not for enemy soldiers but for angry trainers looking to take out any and all frustration on him. The only real safety was to be found with his brothers, their little band with its four members, four sides in stable square, with no blind corners.

*****

“I came along because none of us had to be alone on Kamino. We had each other. I don’t want you to—”

*****

Zara remembered sunshine and laughter and safety, the knowledge that everyone in the Temple wanted what was best for her and for her to become the best Jedi she could be. She had her creche mom and her master and her master’s master and her master’s friends and her friends’ masters and all of them working to better each other and her and the galaxy around them and expecting nothing in return.

*****

“You don’t want me to trust someone I shouldn’t? Who gets to make that choice? Do you need him to fill out an application? Run a background check? If that’s the case, you might want to run one on me too—I’ve done some questionable shit, you know!”

“You just—trust—everyone!”

Zara clenched her fists and inhaled sharply. “Actually,” she growled, “I trust very few people, but I value the ones I do trust, and I work to maintain a mutual level of trust. Fenn Rau is the only person alive who I knew more than ten years ago. And the other two people I’ve known for even halfway close to that long are bounty hunters. Everyone from my old life is dead. I will not turn away from this last person. Not now.”

She took four steps back down the hallway before spinning on her heel and storming back. “And you, Crosshair—” she jammed a finger in his chest, “—you had better learn how to trust people, because it’s a big kriffing galaxy, and it’s a terrible place to be alone. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

*****

He remembered late nights in the barracks, talking and laughing with the other three, the worries and stresses of the day forgotten in those moments over games of dejarik and smuggled snacks from 99.

He was never quite sure if it was because of or in spite of their training that they were so inseparable, so united, so devoted to each other. Maybe both. No matter the pain it took, cadet-hood had forged their bond as brothers, and they would never be alone.

@summer-of-bad-batch

#summerofbadbatch2024 #week4 #cadets #you really think you're going without me? not going to happen #wrey writes #sw: shattered #tbb crosshair #oc zara rau

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headfullofpresley · 2 years ago

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I was wondering how would you describe Elvis and his personality and differences, romantically/sexually, across his different eras? it's an interesting topic and I'd like to understand more about him from a fact-based perspective. thank you!

hi nonnieeee! i love this question and i love talking about elvis, so thank you sm for this. 💕

this got wayyy longer than expected, so check under the cut!

soooo, let's start off with elvis in the 1950s.

we all know elvis loved women and in my opinion, he was a cheeky bastard (lovingly). when elvis had his sights set on someone, he got them- simple as that. except for brigitte bardot, sorry el 👀. anyways, he was flirtyyyy as hell. the part in good rockin' tonight where he goes "why don't you come to my house and i'll give it to you?" actually came out of his own mouth irl (and i will never get over it). also, when he told june he was crazy about her ass and was shamelessly looking at her ass. and remember the letters he sent to anita when he was in germany?

"every time i lay in my bunk and i see your little eyes and your little nose and it's almost like you're here, like you're pressed up close to me. i can feel your little hair on the side of my face and sometimes i get so excited and want you so bad, i start sweating"

i think he definitely had his fun in germany. this shouldn't be a surprise.

i mean, he was a young male in his twenties and got the attention from girls left and right- and he liked it. he definitely was not shy and when it comes to sex, i don't think he was either. he told larry that he screwed pretty much anything in sight a week before he had to report in 1958 and i believe it. he later learned that there was more to it than only the physical act, but i mean... if i was a male in my 20s and looked like elvis, i would've done the same. 👀

if you want to use the term sub or dom, i think he was a dom but not in the way we know it today??? i was obv not there, but i can't be convinced he was a big sub or sub at all (even though i love subby men🥴). i just think he was in that standard "man role" if you know what i mean- and i believe this goes for all era's, tbh. he was also pretty jealous at times which honestly makes me giggle sometimes but also makes me want to slap his face a lil bit. anyways, in my opinion; he was at that age where you're exploring things in your sex life and finding out what you do and don't like and just like any other human being, he did just that. with... a lot.. of different.. girls. good for him. 💁🏼‍♀️

anyways, elvis in the 50s was a menace. and that's a hill i will die on.

nowwww elvis in the 1960s? on a whole 'nother level. i feel like he was still at that stage of exploring at the beginning of the 60s, but he certainly knew what he liked. he had girls who'd make videos of themselves and watch them on the tv/video set ups he brought into hotel rooms. i believe he even had a girl fly over when he stopped at a motel once? and i mean... work. priscilla and him used to roleplay a lil, so i think he enjoyed that along with taking videos and pictures.

i don't think he had any extreme kinks. feet? white underwear? liking girls to be virgins? hardly extreme. he wasn't too fond of women who gave birth though and did not have sex with them if they did, which honestly... sucks for the women that had children and for cilla (i would simply fight his ass, anywaaaayyyy). i also read that he didn't believe in mixed race marriage/couples in the early 60s, but his view on that changed in the 70s. i can't tell you how true this is, so take this as you will. considering how different times were back then, i don't think it's entirely impossible.

emphasizing here that i do not think elvis was racist in any way possible, but life and the way people thought about certain things were very different back then!!

anyways, i don't think elvis was a selfish lover, he strikes me as the kind of person who likes giving as much as receiving and again, i don't see him being submissive at all though also not extremely dominant. elvis was a dominant person in general, but i feel like he was a gentle lover and wouldn't force anyone to do something they don't want. he'd kind of ease the girls into what he likes, but he would also make himself very clear on things he doesn't like.

i think he was big on the touchy touchy and foreplay, but i do believe him and cilla had, or were close to having, sex. as in penetration, not feeling each other up only- which imo is normal, but for a lot of people it's a touchy subject bc of their age difference. despite sleeping with others also, he considered cilla to be the steady woman in his life and love and sex go hand in hand for most people, doesn't it?

also him and ann-margret? freaky deaky in the sheets, i can't be convinced otherwise. but i also believed they genuinely loved each other and had a connection and that's what elvis preferred over simple one night stands. he wanted someone to both talk to and make love with and i think because ann was closer to him in age and so free spirited, he was drawn to that. also the fact that she got married a week after he did in the same city breaks my HEART- but that's a whole different conversation.

AND i do think him and nancy had a thing going on. even though nancy always said it was platonic between them... one can dream, right? they looked cute together.

the 1970s, baby! who doesn't love the 70s? we all do. when it comes to elvis, a lot of people see him as the "daddy" and "big daddy elvis" persona but in my opinion, that's nothing but fictional.

elvis was big on the baby talk and used the term "mommy" for linda, but i highly doubt it was in a sexual manner. sure, none of us were actually there, but here we have a man that craved for deep human connections and love in several different girls, rather than just having a quick fuck and leave it at that. he liked to take care of his girls, but he also liked to be taken care of. i don't think elvis ever lost his interest in sex and liked sex throughout his entire life, but i do feel like things slowed down a little in the mid 70s. don't get me wrong- he was still definitely having sex, just not in the same way as when he was in his 20s, ya know? keep in mind he was not 100% healthy, as sad as that is.

elvis liked his girls petite and still, virgins. he gained a lot of experience through the years and i feel like he liked showing that experience to the younger females he dated. he liked to be The Man in relationships. the story about linda losing her virginity to him was honestly really sweet, he was extremely gentle with her, as it should be. and sure, elvis could be shy sometimes but imo not to an extreme- he was more so gentle and let's be honest, he knew just what the ladies liked. he knew how to sweep 'em off their feet. i think he was confident in his love making skills, but would elvis liked to have been called daddy? no. i don't think so. despite being a dominant man, he liked to be babied.

mirrors, man. mirrors. we've all seen his room. i think he liked seeing himself and his partner get it on, and i also think he liked watching other people (i don't believe he never had 2 girls in his bed at the same time and i definitely don't believe he never watched them).

above i stated about elvis possibly being prejudiced, but also that his views changed in the 70s. sexually, i do think he experimented with women from different races etc in these times.

jealousy. j e a l o u s y. he cares deeply, and it makes his jealous streak come out to play along the way. this was the man that had red west call "a guy" so he could get rid off mike stone, but eventually chickened out. i believe elvis to be a person with a lot of layers- and yes, maybe some of it has to do with the medicine abuse etc, but it was also who he was as a person. he could be unreasonable at times, in both friendships and relationships, but it doesn't take away that his heart was in the right place. elvis loved deeply, so he also hurt deeply.

writing about elvis and his life from a fan's perspective, especially one that was not alive at the same time as he was, is an extremely difficult thing to do. i don't agree with some of the things he did and said, but who am i to judge? elvis presley was a human made out of flesh, blood and bones. one that was on a forever search to find himself, to be comfortable in the vessel god gifted him. he made mistakes, did some shitty things, but he was also very kind and did very good things that changed people's lives for the better. it's said he could bring you to tears, but he also was a gentle, generous soul who could make you feel good about yourself, like you belonged. but doesn't that count for all of us? maybe not in the exact same way, but we're all just trying to find our path in this strange and sometimes cruel world. we sometimes say mean things that we regret and then we learn from it. we're all looking for that big, fat "why?" in life- we might never find the answer, but that doesn't mean we'll give up trying to find it.

i didn't mean to end in on a note like this, but i guess what i'm trying to say is that we should start treating elvis as a human being and not as the man we create in our heads and fanfictions. he wasn't perfect- but if he was, where would the fun be in that?

(i'm obsessed with ginger's coat in this pic lol.)

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

jk jk. no but seriously- these are my opinions on the topic. if yours are different, that's okay too and i would love to hear your take on it. 💗

#tam.txt #tam talks elvis #thank you anon for this #had fun answering it!#sorry for getting a lil emo at the end hehe #elvis #elvis presley #elvis x reader #elvis presley x reader

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tokuvivor · 1 year ago

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Duckverse June Week 5: Movie Day

Home stretch, baby!!! I sincerely apologize for how late this is, but here you go! I give you…

Movies I Missed on the Moon

It was an exceedingly rainy morning in Duckburg. Breakfast had just finished, and Huey, Dewey, and Louie were sitting at the bar, trying to figure out what to do.

“We could watch the rain outside,” suggested Louie.

“Nah,” responded Dewey. “I want to actually do something.”

“Well, the weather hasn’t given us many options, clearly,” reasoned Huey.

Just then, Della came in. “Hey, boys,” she greeted. “What are you guys still doing in here?”

“Oh, hey, Mom,” replied Dewey. “We’re trying to figure out what to do today, but we’re not getting anywhere.”

“Yeah, this weather sucks,” concurred Louie.

Della gasped. “Where did you hear that word?” she questioned.

“Mom, you literally say it all the time,” replied the green-clad triplet.

“Oh, yeah,” Della realized in a somewhat subdued tone. “Anyway,” she continued, clapping her hands together, “I think I have an idea of something the four of us can do together!”

“Oh?” asked Huey.

“Yep,” Della responded. She fished around in one of the pockets on her jacket, until she pulled out a tiny piece of paper. She unfolded it, revealing its true size, and showed it to the boys.

“What the-?” began Louie.

“‘Movies I Missed on the Moon’?” read Dewey.

“Wow,” finished Huey.

“Basically,” Della explained, “for all the catching-up I’ve done since I returned from the moon a couple years ago, there are still things I haven’t gotten around to yet, what with adventuring and flying and Woodchucking and all that good stuff. So, I decided to make a list of movies that came out while I was on the moon, and since the weather’s crappy today, I thought the four of us could do it together, as sort of a bonding activity.”

“I love that idea, Mom,” agreed Huey.

“Perfect!“ interjected Dewey.

“Alright, let’s do it,” finished Louie.

“Woo!” cheered Della. “We’ll need snacks, though. And some Pep. And we’ll need to decide what exactly we’re going to watch today.”

“Whoa, whoa, Mom!” Huey exclaimed, resting his hand on Della’s. “Take it easy. We can figure this out.”

“Sorry,” Della responded. “Just got a little too amped up there.”

“I know that feeling, Mom,” Dewey piped up.

“So what are we waiting for?” Della continued. “Let’s Dell-ve into this!”

‘Right, there’s still two of them,’ Louie thought, slightly annoyed.

Soon enough, the four ducks were gathered in the den. Della had put on some popcorn for her and her boys to share. Louie had procured some Pep. Dewey had found some assorted candy. And Huey had queued up their first movie of the day.

“Mental Max: Road of Rage!” Della exclaimed. “I love the whole dystopian future concept. I was obsessed with the first three movies as a teen, so I was super excited when I found out they made a fourth while I was gone.”

“They’re gonna release a fifth soon, too!” chirped Dewey.

“Isn’t five a bit excessive, though?” wondered Louie.

Della put on a thoughtful face. “Iiiiit…really depends, I’d say,” she replied. “Sequelitis exists, but there are certain factors that play into the success of the movie, like frequency, cast status, and how good the writing is.”

“Not wrong,” Huey offered. “Uncle Donald took us to see a throwback screening of The World Before Time, and it was great, but thirteen sequels? Now that I would call excessive.”

“Plus,” added Dewey, “most of the voices were provided by kids, so they’d inevitably grow out of the roles at some point. If they used adult actors for those, the voices would’ve been more consistent from movie to movie.”

“They’d have to know how to sound like kids, though,” Louie replied. “Or else it’d just sound weird, seeing a kid on screen, he opens his mouth, and it’s a 40-something dude.”

“Okay, yeah, yeah,” Della brushed off. “Now let’s watch this thing!”

“Whoa.”

That was all Della really had to initially say about the movie.

“That was so cool!” exclaimed Dewey. “It felt like one of our adventures.”

“For all that developmental hell it went through, I’d say it delivered,” Della continued, snapping out of her trance.

“How long had they been planning it?” Huey asked.

“Heck, at least since I was a teen,” admitted Della. “But a lot of outside stuff pushed it back.”

“Oh, god, like the original Max,” groaned Louie. “That guy’s a nutjob.”

“The new Max did a good job, though,” Dewey reasoned. “Okay, so what’s next, Mom?”

“Zombieland,” Della replied.

“Nice,” Louie approved. “I still can’t believe they got Bill Murray to play himself for that one.”

“I loved his ‘Take That’ moment towards Garfield,” added Dewey.

“Yeah, I remember that one. That was not his finest moment,” Della criticized.

“It’s an interesting premise,” admitted Huey. “Let’s get it rolling. Louie, could you please pass the Danish Shrimp?”

“That was so much fun!” exclaimed Della. “Yeah, a zombie apocalypse wouldn’t be an optimal world to live in, but I think we could pull that off. We all have adventure experience, I’m a good fighter, Huey has all his Woodchuck experience, Dewey’s savvy, and Louie, you could get your hands on a lot of supplies.”

“You’ve got a point, Mom,” Huey replied. “I think we’d fair well enough in a zombie apocalypse, but you know who’d be really good in an apocalyptic situation? The girls.”

“Ooh, you’re right,” Dewey agreed. “They already throw themselves into crazy situations at least on a weekly basis, so they’d own it.”

“I’ve honestly lost count of how many different weapons Webby has in her possession,” Louie added.

“However many it is, I’d like to bet I’ve got more!” Della challenged.

“I’ll pass that along to Webby,” Huey replied dryly. “Anyway, what’s next?”

Della’s eyes went wide. “That,” she said quietly.

“Are you sure?” Louie asked.

“It won’t hit too close to ho-“ Dewey began.

“I don’t care,” Della assured. “I need to see how Matt Dalmatian does it.”

The Martian was probably the best choice yet.

The four of them watched in awe as Matt Dalmatian’s character was able to keep himself alive on Mars. Though it did make Della have one regret.

‘Shit, I wish I could’ve cultivated my own food,’ she thought. ‘At least then, I wouldn’t have had to survive solely on that blasted Oxy-Chew. Though it did help me survive that long on the moon. Oh, who am I kidding? It’s hard enough for me to grow food here on Earth. I should really ask Donnie for some pointers.’

By the time the movie ended, Della was feeling a wide range of emotions. Her boys noticed it, too.

“What’d you think, Mom?” Huey asked.

Della’s eyes were red with tears. “I-I don’t think I’ve ever related to any movie as much as I’ve related to that one,” she admitted. “I bet the guy who wrote the book never would have guessed that this gal was lost in space, just like Watney.”

Huey nodded thoughtfully. “I really admired his resourcefulness,” he added.

“I kinda feel bad, though,” Dewey continued.

“Why’s that, Dew?” Della wondered.

“It’s like, he was stuck in space for, what, a year and-a-half? And at least he was able to get in contact with NASA eventually,” Dewey explained. “You were stuck in space for much longer, and we didn’t even realize you were still out there, trying to get back home to us.”

Huey and Louie looked at him, slightly concerned.

“Ah-no offense, Mom.”

“None taken. I’ve kinda gotten used to the whole isolation thing in hindsight, anyway,” Della replied. “That movie really reminded me just how good I have it. To get home in one—well, two—pieces. To be able to finally see you boys in person after 11 years. To live to tell the tale. I’d say this movie was definitely worth it.”

“We love you, Mom,” Louie responded.

“Aww, I love you boys, too,” Della smiled, as they wrapped her in a hug.

“So, what we got next?” quizzed Dewey.

“Okay, you boys are gonna be mad at me for this, but I was kinda thinking Bridesmaids.”

“Eh, I don’t care,” Louie admitted. “I’ve heard good things about that one, anyway.”

“It can be a bit low-brow at times,” Huey added. “But they seemed to have made very good calls in terms of the actresses.”

“And Webby’s already showed me plenty of chick flicks in the past,” Dewey confessed.

“Fair enough. Let’s start it up, then,” declared Della. “After we find more Pep.”

“On it,” Louie shot back.

Overall, what looked to be a dull, rainy day on paper turned out to be really enjoyable for Della, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Della was able to knock some late 2000s-2010s movies off her to-watch list, and she was able to do it with three of the most important people in her life. And to her, that was worth everything that she went through in the past. Almost like she was Matt Dalmatian.

#ducktales #della duck #huey duck #dewey duck #louie duck #duckverse june #movie day #ducktales fanfiction

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sebstanaddict · 2 years ago

Text

Love Song

Sebastian Stan x Female Reader Story

Summary : A romantic comedy story between Sebastian Stan and female reader where we witness their journey after they said I do.

Having been contacted by Sebastian, reader felt her life finally became normal. She couldn't lie to herself. She really still loved him. Moreover, Sebastian started to treat her and her family the way he used to treat her before they were married. His gesture touched her heart and soul the way they've never been touched before. However, Sebastian still couldn't put words into action and that made her doubt his love for her. Will he come through and will be able to proof his love to her? Or will he remain indifferent and selfish?

Pairings : Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Chapters : 21/23 (might add more)

Chapter list>

Warning : angst, divorce mention, fluff - a lot of sweet fluff 😉

Word count : 10.4k

This is a sequel to my first Sebastian fic Always You. If you want to understand more about Sebastian's and reader's relationship, please read it first. But it's not necessary to understand this story. Check it here.

---

Chapter 21 - Always Be My Baby

We were as one, babe

For a moment in time

And it seemed everlasting

That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free

So I'm lettin' you fly

'Cause I know in my heart babe

Our love will never die

No..

You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feelin' this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Oh darlin' cause you'll always be my baby

Always Be My Baby - David Cook/Mariah Carey

---

La Venta Dr, Poway, California - June 16th 2023 - 11 am

Ever since that first contact with Sebastian, Y/n felt like her life slowly returned to normal. It didn't feel normal for her not being able to hear his voice or see his face everyday. Like it or not, she felt like he was a permanent fixture in her life. Whatever their status were, he was still going to be a part of her life, one way or another.

Yes, she contemplated on still getting a divorce from him no matter how hurtful it made her feel. It was clear he would never stop being an actor and she was still unsure that she could handle being a celebrity's wife. The events that happened during their honeymoon really left a trauma in her heart, and she knew it would take a while for her to overcome them. So they did what Sebastian suggested, they contacted each other everyday and took things slow.

It was 2 days after their first contact and she was helping her stepmom to bake some cupcakes. Her stepmom used to work at a bakery but had retired since two years ago. They were testing some recipes to bake for Starlene's upcoming birthday.

She had decided to throw a little party for Starlene. It was summer and her brother - who lived and worked in Canada - planned on visiting them just in time for Starlene's birthday. She also decided to invite all of her dad's neighbours and she even invited Shannon, who, as it happened, was filming in LA but promised to come over for a day or two and come to Starlene's birthday. She also invited Sebastian's mother who was ecstatic at her invite. She said she missed Starlene so much and wouldn't miss the party. As for Sebastian, well, he was scheduled to have some days off in the beginning of July and he wanted to come visit during that time. He also made a promise to try his best to come back for Starlene's birthday.

She put some eggs into the big mixing bowl, pushed down the mixer head so the beater was positioned in the bowl and turned the knob to a slow speed. She expected the beater to start moving but it didn't. She checked whether it was connected to the electricity plug and found out that it did. She tried turning the knob again but to no avail. It seemed the mixer was broken.

"Diane.. I'm sorry, I don't know what happened but the mixer won't work." She said, turning to Diane, her stepmom, who was melting some chocolate behind her.

"Oh, here, let me try." She said.

Diane turned the knob of the mixer but the beater still didn't move. She took the beater off and put another one but still the mixer wouldn't turn on.

"Well, another one bites the dust." Diane sighed.

"Oh no. Do you have a spare mixer?" She asked.

"No, this is the last one that I have."

"Oh that's too bad." She said, her face fell.

"I'm sorry Y/n. I hope it's okay that we order the cupcakes for the party from a bakery instead of baking them ourselves."

"Oh of course it's okay, Diane. I just love your cupcakes so much and I wish I could have those for the party. But, it's okay, really. Don't worry about it." She smiled and patted Diane's hand.

That night she told Sebastian about the situation and he was quite sympathetic. She should've seen it coming, however. Sebastian, being the generous soul that he was, bought a new high end mixer for her stepmom. She didn't know how he did it, but the mixer arrived the next day. Diane was so thrilled about it and wouldn't stop complimenting Sebastian.

"Y/n.. he is like the most generous and considerate man I ever know. He's quite a catch. I'm sorry to say this, but I think you should really consider getting back together with him." She said as they tested some cupcake recipes that afternoon.

"I know. But, things aren't that simple." She sighed.

"Well, marriage is never simple. But as long as you love each other, you can get through anything, I truly believe that."

"Even if we want different things?" She asked.

"Yes, despite all the differences, if you truly love each other, you would compromise and find the middle ground. We all have different minds, different needs and wants. Each one of us is unique in our own way. Marriage is about bridging the gap between the differences of two people and learning how to love each other despite it all."

She realized that Diane was right. But she still couldn't shake the trauma off from her mind and for now she was comfortable the way they were. Yes, she missed him, but she loved the normalcy being in Poway brought to her life. She wasn't ready to give that up yet. She knew if she went to Atlanta or New York to be with him things would be different. She would live under a microscope again and she hated that. So for now she was content the way they were.

Apparently, buying her dad a complete entertainment system and her stepmom a high end mixer weren't enough for Sebastian. He still called her dad everyday even though he and Y/n were already on speaking terms. He said her dad reminded him of his own dad. She was so touched by that and so happy that the both of them could be friends.

One day during their daily call, her dad mentioned to Sebastian that he planned on going on a cruise to the Caribbean one day with Diane. He had never gone on a cruise before and was intrigued after watching a program about it on TV. And like clockwork, one day after her dad mentioned that to Sebastian, he gave her dad and Diane an all expenses paid trip to go on a Caribbean cruise in August, surprising all of them.

"Y/n.. he's like a dream son-in-law. I'm so happy that you married him. Just go back to him. He loves you so much. You'll never be able to find someone like him again." her dad said after he found out Sebastian had bought him the Caribbean cruise.

"Oh, dad." She rolled her eyes. Sebastian really knew how to get into people's hearts. His gesture reminded her of what he did early in their relationship. How he bought her everything that she had mentioned and more. Apparently he was using the same strategy but this time he bribed her family instead of her.

His splurging on her family habit continued throughout the week. The day after he bought her dad the Caribbean cruise, he bought him blu-rays of all of Harrison Ford's movies, each one signed by Harrison Ford himself!

"Sebastian, this is amazing! This is.. unbelievable! I can't thank you enough." Her dad gushed into his cellphone during their daily calling session.

"What?! Oh my, really? That's.. yes.. of course I want to talk to him!" Her dad said enthusiastically.

Apparently Sebastian was at a shoot with Harrison Ford and had offered to have Harrison talk to her dad. She smiled and shook her head as she looked at how happy and ecstatic her dad was. Harrison Ford was nice and they all ended up having a video call session with him.

"Seb, thank you for what you've done to my dad and stepmom this week. I really appreciate it." She said during their daily call session.

"Oh my pleasure, honey. You know I love splurging on other people. Especially my own family." He replied.

"I know, and thank you for that."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Which reminds me, I haven't given you or Starlene anything. Is there anything that you want? Either for you or Starlene?" He asked.

"Seb, you don't have to. Really. You know how I feel if you splurge on me."

"Well.. if not for you then for Starlene. What does she need now?" He insisted.

"She just needs her dad." She said wistfully.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'll be there. Sooner or later I'll be there. I promise you that."

"You're still coming next week, right?" She asked.

"Umm.. about that. I'm sorry honey, but I was thinking of postponing to come until July 11th or 12th so I can be at Starlene's birthday. Because the shooting schedule is kind of tight and I hate to be the cause of the delay. I mean, Marvel allowed me to have days off monthly and not every two weeks, if you know what I mean. So I thought I would use the days off for Starlene's birthday."

"Hmm.. okay. That makes sense." She couldn't help but feel disappointed at his answer. She was really looking forward to see him again. Her bed felt cold for much too long without him by her side.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I hope you're okay with it?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course. It's important that you can be here on Starlene's birthday, so as long as you can come for that, it's okay."

"Thank you honey, I promise I'll be there."

"I'm holding you to that promise, Seb."

"Don't worry, I'll be there. In the mean time, I think I know what to give Starlene."

"What?" She asked curiously.

"Oh, it's a surprise." He chuckled.

"Seeb.." she protested but he just laughed in response.

Sebastian's idea for a surprise for Starlene came in the form of a huge Sesame street bouncy castle with slides and life size balloon Elmo inside. Y/n's jaw dropped when the local toy store dropped off the bouncy castle at her dad's front lawn.

"Seb.. are you kidding me?!" She said to him through her cellphone as she watched the toy store staff filled the bouncy castle with air.

"What? You don't like it?" He asked innocently.

"It's not that but it's so huge it covers almost all of the front lawn." She stated.

"Oh I'm sorry, I should have asked how big your dad's front lawn is." He said dejectedly.

"Yeah well. Starlene loves it though." She smiled as she watched Starlene crawled towards the bouncy castle, her eyes huge as saucers as she looked at the huge pictures of Elmo on the side of the castle.

"Aawww.. well that's the most important thing." He responded.

"Yeah it is. Thank you, Seb. But maybe consult with me first next time you want to buy something like this?" She asked.

"Of course, honey. I'm sorry."

Despite being scolded by her for buying Starlene something like the bouncy castle, he kept showering Starlene with gifts everyday. He bought her a three story Barbie house complete with all the furnitures and the Barbie dolls. He bought her 50 toddler books with various themes. He bought her all of Sesame Street characters plush dolls, and huge ones at that. He also bought her many different dresses and clothes. He even bought her a bicycle and a rollerblade.

"Seb, she can't even walk yet and you already bought her a bicycle and a rollerblade?!" She protested during their calling session.

"I know, but one day she will and you won't have to think about buying her a bicycle and rollerblade again." He defended himself.

"Oh Seb." She could only respond.

After almost two weeks of non stop splurging to her family, she started to feel rather jealous. It wasn't like he never splurged on her before. But, considering it was her that he was trying to get back together with, she felt it was rather peculiar that he hadn't given her anything yet. But she decided not to mention it to him because she was rather embarrassed to admit that she expected to get something from him, anything, even if just flowers.

As if he could read her mind, one day after Sebastian's rollerblade for Starlene arrived, a bouquet of flowers and a package came for her. The bouquet was of purple hyacinth. It came with a card that said "Please forgive me." She smiled and felt her heart melted as she read the card. Hyacinth as it happened really symbolized asking for someone's forgiveness. He was really thoughtful when picking the flower for her.

After putting the hyacinth in a vase she opened the package and shook her head in disbelief. He had sent her a book, her favourite book, Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder. He left a note at the front page.

Read the bookmarked page.

So she turned to the bookmarked page and found that he had highlighted a paragraph.

You can never know if a person forgives you when you wrong them. Therefore it is existentially important to you. It is a question you are intensely concerned with. Neither can you know whether a person loves you. It's something you just have to believe or hope. But these things are more important to you than the fact that the sum of the angles in a triangle is 180 degrees. You don't think about the law of cause and effect or about modes of perception when you are in the middle of your first kiss.

She sighed as she read the paragraph. He had left another note at the bookmarked page.

My dearest Y/n,

I'm sorry for all that I have done. I'm sorry for all that I have said. And I'm sorry if I can't be the man you wish for. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and love me again the way you used to. And I hope when you do, you will let me know so I won't have to wonder anymore.

Love,

Your eternal admirer

She smiled as she read the note.

Yes, ever since they started contacting each other again she hadn't yet said that she loved him or missed him yet. She still needed some time until she was ready to say them to him. She needed to be sure if she was ready to come back to him and deal with everything else that came by being with him before she could say them. It seemed he was starting to get bothered by it.

The fact made her feel mischievous. She knew it wasn't right, but she was somewhat happy to make him wonder about her feelings for him. Receiving the message from him made her feel even more mischievous that she decided not to let him know about her feelings for him for as long as she could. She wanted to know how far he would go to win back her love. And for the next nine days she found out exactly how far he would go.

On the second day he sent her a bouquet of white orchids and a note that said he missed her. Along with the bouquet was a poetry book by Mahmoud Darwish and he highlighted the following passage.

How do I say I miss you in a way that will make your heart ache as mine does.

She couldn't help but shed a tear upon reading the passage. He had no idea but she missed him terribly as well. Unfortunately she wasn't sure yet whether she could express her longing for him just yet. Somehow, she still needed some time. So, she didn't say anything to him except how much she appreciated the flowers and books he had sent her. She did, however, told him that she had forgiven him. But she couldn't yet say that she still loved him so much.

For the next eight days, Sebastian sent her a bouquet of flowers daily. Every single bouquet of flowers that he sent was meaningful, and he made sure she knew that by writing the meaning of them in an attached card. Declarations of friendship, trust, admiration and of course love and longing accompanied bouquets of colorful tulips, roses, carnations and zinnias. With every bouquet that came she felt her broken soul slowly mended and the feeling of emptiness in her heart gradually disappeared.

She would've been satisfied with him just sending her the flowers, but of course he just had to do more. Along with the flowers he kept sending her books and in every single one he highlighted at least one passage to convey his feelings for her. Being the bookworm that she was, this gesture touched her heart and soul in a way that she never experienced before. It became a highlight of her day to receive the books and read the passages that he had highlighted.

Day 3

You might not have been my first love but you are the love that made all other loves seem irrelevant.

- Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey poetry book

Day 4

And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

- Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars

Day 5

In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

You have bewitched me body and soul and I love, love, love you.

- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Day 6

You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. I have loved none but you."

- Jane Austen, Persuasion

Day 7

I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. I want to be that kind of friend. The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, every shiver of your body.

- Tahereh Mafi, Unravel Me

Day 8

I want morning and noon and nightfall with you. I want your tears, your smiles, your kisses...the smell of your hair, the taste of your skin, the touch of your breath on my face. I want to see you in the final hour of my life...to lie in your arms as I take my last breath.

- Lisa Kleypas, Again the Magic

Day 9

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.

- Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

On the tenth day he pulled out all the stops and sent her the complete works of Shakespeare. He highlighted many passages from the famous playwright's plays and sonnets and asked her to read them in a certain order so that the passages formed a cohesive letter.

The course of true love never did run smooth.

When you depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.

I love you more than words can wield the matter. Dearer than eyesight, space and liberty.

For where thou art, there is the world itself. And where thou art not, desolation.

I would not wish any companion in the world but you.

Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life.

The moment she finished reading the passages, a tear dropped from her eyes. He truly truly loved her and she truly loved him too. All of the things he had done to her and her family had healed her trauma and she finally felt like she was ready to tell him about it. She was ready to tell him how much she still loved and longed for him.

Unfortunately, something she didn't expect came up and her mind once again took over in an attempt to protect her heart.

It was July 10th when it happened, 3 days before Starlene's birthday. They were on their daily calling session when he broke the bad news to her.

"Sweetheart, I'm really sorry but I think I won't be able to go there in time for Starlene's birthday."

"What?! But why? What happened?" She asked, her heart dropped to her stomach. She really was looking forward to see him again.

"I have to do a re-shoot with Harrison Ford on the 12th and 13th. I already asked for a reschedule but Harrison can't do it on any other dates. I'm really really sorry, sweetheart."

There it was, she was reminded again of one of the reasons why she left him. His f*****g job! Somehow, his job always, always forced him to choose between his family or his job. And every single time he always chose his job.

"Oh, right. Fine. You know, you don't even have to bother coming here, Seb. Just finish the whole five month shoot and don't make promises to come before then. Especially if you can't keep them!" She replied as anger started to consume her.

"Oh honey, don't say that. I miss you and Starlene so much and I don't think I can wait five months before I can see you both again. I promise I'll come over there after the shoot is done. I'll be there on the 15th."

"Seb, stop making promises that you can't keep!" She snapped.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, honey. I really am."

She sighed. Her plans on telling him how she felt went out the window as anger and disappointment overcame her.

"I'll make it up to you, sweetheart, I promise." He pleaded.

"Words are nothing without action, Seb." She said coldly and with that she hung up the phone, leaving him hanging.

He tried calling her back multiple times but she just wouldn't accept it. He needed to know how angry she was at him so she ignored all his calls and messages.

After what seemed like the twentieth time, he finally stopped trying to call her and just sent her a message.

I'm really sorry, sweetheart. You have the right to be angry with me and I accept that. But I hope you'll forgive me by the time I visit. I'll be there on the 15th.

Love,

Your eternal admirer

She sighed as she read the message. She really meant it. Words meant nothing without action. Despite everything that he had given her and her family, despite all the sweet words and beautiful flowers he had sent to her, all of them meant nothing to her if he didn't put his words into action and visit them. So she decided to ignore him and just see whether he really came on the 15th.

Sebastian didn't easily give up on trying to make amends to her. When he said he would make it up to her, he truly meant it.

The morning after he told her the bad news, he sent her a huge bouquet of pink carnations and purple hyacinth along with an apology letter and an envelope containing what she truly didn't expect.

My dearest Y/n,

I'm sorry again for not being able to come for Starlene's birthday. You have no idea how devastated I am about that. I hope eventually you'll understand and forgive me.

As I said before, I want to make it up to you. So, I made some arrangements for you to go on a day trip to San Diego today to have some me-time. You don't have to worry about Starlene. I talked to your dad and stepmom and they would take care of her. You can find the itinerary and the things you will need for the day in the attached envelope. Don't worry about transportation. I've rented a car and a chauffer for you.

I hope you'll have fun. You deserve it so much.

I love you and please enjoy your day.

Love,

Your eternal admirer

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she looked at the itinerary and contents of the envelope.

He had booked for her to have a complete spa treatment at Rancho Valencia that morning, a Forbes 5 star spa and resort located about 15 miles from Poway. Along with the spa treatment, he sent her a three thousand dollars Macy's gift card so she could go on a shopping spree after the spa treatment at Macy's Fashion Valley, one of the biggest shopping malls in San Diego. But the most jaw dropping of them all, he had bought her a ticket to see David Cook's concert at the Music Box, San Diego that night.

David Cook was one of her favourite musicians. She couldn't believe he still remembered and she was mindblown on how he was able to score a ticket for her at the last minute.

As soon as she finished digesting all the mind blowing gifts he had given her, she immediately gave him a call.

"Good morning my love." He greeted her.

"Good morning, Seb." She smiled.

"How are you today?"

"Oh, I'm currently in shock." She said teasingly.

"Oh, why is that?" He asked, feigning innocence.

"You remember the millionaire guy I told you about?" She asked, referring to an imaginary guy who she often referred to whenever Sebastian sent her a gift. It was an inside joke they had going on since before they were married.

He laughed out loud. "Yeah, what about him?"

"He sent me the most amazing gift ever! I really don't know what to do with this guy." She teased.

"Oh, he did? What did he send you?"

"He arranged for me to have the best day ever in San Diego. I mean.. a spa treatment? A shopping spree? A concert of my favourite musician?! He's just unbelievable. You know, you should take a page from his book if you want me back and forgive you." She teased again.

Her words made him laugh even harder.

"Oh honey, he really is unbeatable, huh? I really should try harder to win you back."

"Yeah, you should. I'm this close to saying I love you to him."

"Aaawww.. you love him?"

"Maybe.."

"Well, even if you love him I bet you love me more."

"Oh, what makes you so sure of that?"

"Just a hunch." He teased.

"Well, just so you know, I'm not letting you off the hook this easily." She huffed. "I mean it Sebastian Stan. No amount of gifts, flowers, beautiful words could sway me into your arms unless you put your words into action."

"Ouch. That hurt." He said.

"Well.. that's just the truth." She snickered.

He sighed. "I know. But I bet you'll change your mind tonight."

"Seb.. what are you planning?" She asked curiously.

"It's a surprise, honey. Now why don't you go and get ready. The chauffer will come at 9. And also.. I arranged for someone to accompany you. I don't want you to go alone."

"What?! Who? Who did you ask to go with me?" She asked, dumbfounded.

"Oh you'll see.. she should be there soon." He chuckled.

"Oh, Seb.." She could only say.

---

La Venta Dr, Poway, California - July 11th 2023 - 8.45 am

She was sitting at the dining table feeding Starlene some baby cereal. Her dad sat across from her eating his breakfast while Diane sat next to him, eating her breakfast too. She was ready to go and have the best day ever when all of a sudden she heard the sound of someone knocking at the front door.

"Excuse me." A familiar female voice said from behind the door.

"That must be the chauffer or the companion Sebastian told me about." She said as she stood up and walked towards the front door.

When she opened the door her jaw dropped and she squealed in excitement.

"Shannon! Oh my God! I didn't expect to see you!" She said as she embraced Shannon in a tight hug.

"Seb asked me to accompany you today." Shannon smiled as she released herself from her embrace.

"Oh, I should have known." She chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I was planning on coming tomorrow because I still have a shoot today. But he begged for me to come today so I can accompany you for the whole day. He even talked to my director and begged him to give me the day off. Seb sent my director a nice bottle of wine and a box of cake that my director finally allowed me to go." Shannon chuckled.

"Oh wow. He's really persistent." She laughed.

"He is, especially when it comes to you." Shannon winked.

"Oh Shannon, I've missed you so much!" She reached out and hugged her again with tears in her eyes.

"I've missed you too, Y/n." Shannon said as she rubbed her back.

"Oh Y/n.. are you crying?" Shannon asked as she let her go. Her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"A little. I just miss you. There's so many things I want to tell you." She replied.

"Well you'll have a whole day to tell me everything." Shannon winked and she smiled.

"Are you ready? We have a full day ahead of us." Shannon continued and reminded her.

"Oh yeah. I'm ready. Just need to finish feeding Starlene for a few minutes. And anyway, the chauffer isn't here yet." She said, glancing behind Shannon's back.

As if on cue, a limousine pulled up right in front of the house.

"Is that the car he rented for us today?" Shannon asked, her jaw dropped.

"Yeah I guess it is. You know how much he loves splurging." She shook head in disbelief. He just had to book a fancy car didn't he? She should have guessed he would pull all of the stop in pampering her today.

After she finished feeding Starlene and Shannon finished eating her breakfast, they got into the limousine.

"Bye Starlene! Bye dad! Bye Diane!" She rolled down the window of the limousine and waved at them who were standing on the front porch, watching her leave.

"Bye dear! Have fun!" Her dad waved back and smiled.

Starlene, who was being held by her dad, stared at her then extended her hands to her. "Mama.. mama.." She cried out and started to cry.

"Oh no." She shook her head.

"It's okay, Starlene! You're safe with grandpa and grandma!" She called out.

"Yes Starlene dear. We're gonna have some fun today! Let's go to the bouncy castle and play with Elmo." Her dad said and he immediately turned around, rocking Starlene in his arms as he tried to soothe her cries.

She took a deep breath. Starlene was never away from her for too long. The longest she was away from her was probably when she had her me-time back in Amsterdam. Her motherly instinct took over and she contemplated on going back and have Starlene come with her.

"Y/n.. I know what you're thinking, but today is your day. You need some me-time. Don't worry about Starlene. Your dad and stepmom can take good care of her." Shannon said as she placed her hand on hers in encouragement.

"I know. It's just.. today is going to be the longest day that she's away from me. And I can't help but worry, you know." She sighed.

"Oh Y/n. She'll be fine! Nothing is gonna happen to her. Trust me. Besides, she's getting bigger, sooner or later she'll be away from you even much longer than today. You have to learn to let her go."

"I know." She took a deep breath and let it go. Shannon was right, she should try to let her go and just enjoy the day.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Are you ready to go?" The chauffer rolled down the black divider that divided the driver's area with the passenger area at the back and turned to them.

"Oh yeah, let's go." She smiled.

The chauffer nodded and the limousine soon moved and drive away, taking them to their first stop, the Rancho Valencia Resort and Spa.

---

Fashion Valley Mall, San Diego - July 11th 2023 - 3 pm

Spending the morning at the Rancho Valencia spa and the afternoon at the Fashion Valley mall proved to be just exactly what she needed. The spa was beautiful, the treatments she received were top notch that she never felt so relaxed and tranquil in her life. She arrived at the spa still feeling worried about Starlene but she left with such a relaxed mind that she almost forgot she had a daughter.

After the treatments at the spa were done they went to Fashion Valley mall to grab some lunch and did a little shopping.

At first she felt kind of anxious to go to a public place like the mall. She was still traumatic with the whole events with Sebastian's fans, so she tried to disguise herself by wearing a hoodie, a cap and sunglasses. However, Fashion Valley was one of the biggest shopping malls in San Diego and with the scandal becoming a household topic across the world for the past couple of months she was bound to be recognized.

Several people turned to look at her when she walked past, but she was glad none of them gave her judging stares, they were just curious about her. Until she met a young woman at Macy's changing room who blatantly gave her a stare. They were queueing to use the changing room and the young woman was queueing to use the changing room next to her.

She looked away after the woman gave her eye contact but whoever were behind the changing rooms took so long to try their clothes that she couldn't help but glance back at the woman.

"Excuse me.. sorry. I.. I don't mean to bother you but.. are you Y/F/N Stan? Sebastian Stan's wife?" The woman finally asked.

"Umm.." she hesitated in answering her.

"Oh, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I understand. It's just.. if you're her, then I admire you. I saw the clarification interview you did with Sebastian. After everything that Sebastian's fans had done to you, you were still chill about it and you even said you could understand them. I mean. You have so much class and I admire you for that." The woman smiled.

The young woman's words felt like a healing balm on her heart. She never thought anyone would think of her that way, especially after everything that had happened.

"Oh.. that's so nice of you to say that. I.. I appreciate it." She smiled and the woman smiled back.

"So you really are her?" She commented with a twinkle in her eyes.

"You caught me there." She chuckled.

"Well, I'm happy that you're still with Sebastian and that everything was just a misunderstanding. You guys are the perfect couple ever. I wish someday I can find a man that looks at me the way Sebastian looks at you." The woman commented again, surprising her.

Apparently people noticed that about him and she felt her face reddened a little.

"Oh, thank you. Really. I appreciate it." She smiled.

"No problem." The woman said, smiling back at her.

After the encounter with the young woman, she felt somehow more free. So she spent the rest of the time at the mall not worrying too much about the people that noticed her and focused herself on the shopping experience.

With three thousand dollars worth of gift cards in her purse she really had a lot to spend. But being the generous and thoughtful person that she was she ended up not buying much for herself but instead she treated Shannon to some gorgeous dresses, accessories and make up items. She also bought some things for her dad, her stepmom, Starlene, her brother, her mother-in-law and even Sebastian.

It was almost 6 pm when they were finally satisfied with their purchases. They stopped at Fashion Valley food court for some light dinner then off they went to Music Box for what she was sure going to be the highlight of her day. Her feelings turned out to be true and even exceeded her expectations.

---

Music Box, San Diego - July 11th 2023 - 8 pm

The concert was going to start at 9 pm. They arrived at Music Box a little before 8, just in time to see the opening band start.

Sebastian had secured a VIP ticket for them so they had access to a special area at the venue where they could sit and relax with access to the bar. The area was still quite close to the front of the stage so she could still see David and his band clearly. She was glad Sebastian had bought the VIP ticket for them because she didn't think she was strong enough to stand at the festival area after spending the whole afternoon on her feet and shopping. Her legs were aching terribly.

As it happened, Sebastian also secured backstage passes for her so she could meet David Cook himself and take some pictures with him. She was scheduled to meet him after the concert was done. She was nervous yet excited about it. She couldn't believe she got to meet two of her idols in one year. She felt really lucky.

The opening band was a new rock band from Nashville. She wondered if they knew Zac somehow. Come to think of it, it wouldn't surprise her if David also knew Zac because David also lived in Nashville.

She shook her head as the thought entered her mind. She hated that she could somehow thought of Zac. The person who turned her world upside down. She knew it wasn't entirely Zac's fault that she ended up in the mess she was in. But if only she didn't come visit him at his concert, then she wouldn't be in this predicament, being on a break with Sebastian. But then again, their situation was complex. There was Stephanie in the mix as well Sebastian's fans and well.. Sebastian himself who just couldn't seem to understand how important it was to her that he chose her over his job for at least once in his life.

"Y/n.. you okay?" Shannon's voice brought her back from her negative thoughts.

"Oh.. yeah.. I'm okay. I just.. thought of Zac for a bit. You know he lives in Nashville and this band as well as David also lives in Nashville. I just couldn't help but thought of that." She explained.

"Oh okay. Have you heard from him again?" Shannon asked curiously.

"Zac? Oh no. He kept his promise. He never contacted me again. The last time I saw him was the day Seb almost found out that he was in the hotel room with me and Starlene." She replied.

"Oh, that's good. He brings nothing but trouble." Shannon commented.

"I know." She grimaced.

"Y/n.. I'm sorry to ask you this.. you don't have to answer if you don't want to.. but I need to ask this, it's for your own good." Shannon said with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Oh okay. What is it, Shannon?" She asked, wondering why Shannon suddenly turned serious.

"Do you still have feelings for Zac?"

"What?!" Her heart dropped to her stomach listening to Shannon's question.

"I'm sorry. It's just. It seems to me somehow you still have a soft spot for him. I just wonder.. if you were allowed to choose, would you choose Seb or him?"

"Oh Shannon.. I.. Zac.. he.. well.. My longest relationship ever was with him, and that even included Seb. I mean.. romantic relationship that is. You know he impacted my life greatly."

"I know and I understand. But if you could choose? Who would you choose? This is just me you're talking to. I'm not gonna tell Seb about your answer. I promise. I'm just.. kind of worried about you."

"Oh Shannon. I.. Zac hurt me a lot when he first left. He left me alone in the middle of the night in China town. That's not what a gentleman would do, right? I know Seb would never do that to me."

"So, you still choose Seb?"

"I.."

"Even though he prioritized his acting job over you?"

"Oh Shannon.. I guess.. nobody is perfect. At least he ended up having the guts to propose to me. And he was so sweet to me after the whole thing with Ana blew up. He.. he is still sweet now. Even though I think he still needs a kick in the butt every now and then." She chuckled.

"Well, I'm glad you say that. He's head over heels in love with you and you both need to get back together."

"You think so?"

"Yup."

"If he's head over heels in love with me then why won't he just sacrifice his job and choose me? At least once in his life?" She said sadly.

"He did Y/n. He chose you when you were sick with covid and pregnant with Starlene. Don't you remember?" Shannon smiled.

Shannon was right. He did choose her back then. He chose to break the contract with Ana, his PR girlfriend, resigned from the big agency he was in and chose to cancel his appearance at a fan convention so he could be by her side.

"You're right, Shannon. He did choose me." She said as the realization hit her.

"Yeah, I'm sure if you're in another emergency situation he would choose you again." Shannon commented.

"Well, I'd kill him if he doesn't." She chuckled.

"And you have the right to do that." Shannon laughed.

"Yeah.. it's just. I feel if I'm not in an emergency situation he would choose his job over me. Like what he has done so far. I mean.. he even sacrificed Starlene and won't come to her first birthday." She said bitterly.

"Oh Y/n.. I'm sure he had tried his best to reschedule the shoot to another date. But this is Marvel we're talking about and Harrison Ford. I can see why Seb couldn't get out of it."

She sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Oh hey, the opening band is done. Let's just focus on the show and forget everything else. I'm sorry if I brought up something so serious." Shannon said, reaching out and placed her hand on top of hers.

"It's okay, Shannon. I know you mean well." She smiled and Shannon smiled back.

Moments later David Cook took the stage. She stood up and clapped along with the others, welcoming him onto the stage. Soon he strummed the first notes from his latest single and she found herself standing up and singing along, the aches on her legs seemed to have vanished.

David performed 14 songs that night, mostly songs from his latest album but also some of his older singles. After he was finished performing the 14th song, he changed his electric guitar to an acoustic guitar and a stool was placed in the middle of the stage. He sat on it and tuned his guitar a little while waiting for his band members to sit behind him as they were preparing to change the setting to an acoustic setting.

"So.. thank you everyone for coming here tonight." He addressed the audience and everyone cheered and clapped including her.

"For our last song we're going to perform something special." He smiled as he looked around the audience and turned his face to look at her general area.

"This next song was requested by a certain millionaire guy whose wife is somewhere in the VIP area." He said as he scanned the faces in the VIP area.

Y/n's jaw dropped to the floor as she heard what David just said. By millionaire guy could he mean Sebastian? She wondered.

David locked eyes with her and recognition was clear in his eyes for a second. He winked at her, making her blush furiously. She hid her face from him with her hand, feeling so embarrassed.

Yes, by millionaire guy he really meant Sebastian. She couldn't believe Sebastian would do something like this. But then again, he was always so all out whenever he gave her a gift. Including this.

"He asked me to tell his wife that no matter what happens, she will always be his baby." David continued saying.

Her heart melted at that and she peered at David from behind her hand, curious if he was still looking at her. And sure enough, David was looking at her. He smiled at her again and she was sure her face was as red as a tomato.

David started to strum his guitar and the first few notes of the song Always Be My Baby - which was originally a Mariah Carey song that David covered during American Idol - came out from the speakers.

We were as one, babe

For a moment in time

And it seemed everlasting

That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free

So I'm lettin' you fly

'Cause I know in my heart babe

Our love will never die

No..

You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feelin' this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Oh darlin' cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry, no

And I won't beg you to stay

If you're determined to leave girl

I will not stand in your way

But inevitably you'll be back again

'Cause you know in your heart, babe

Our love will never end, no

You'll always be apart of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feelin' this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl

When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oh

(I know that)

You'll be right back, baby

Oh baby believe me it's only a matter of time, time

You'll always be apart of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Girl don't you know you can't escape me

Oh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feelin' this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darlin' 'cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby..

She couldn't help but shed a tear as she heard David performed the song. It was her favourite song and the lyrics were so timely to her situation. Sebastian really was the most romantic and thoughtful husband ever.

She glanced at Shannon and found her shooting a video of her.

"Shannon.. what are you doing?" She laughed a little as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Seb wants me to report to him." Shannon winked.

She just shook her head, still laughing and smiling, her eyes shimmering with happy tears. When he said he was making it up to her, he really truly meant it, and she was so grateful for that.

---

She thought that was the only surprise he had in store for her that night, but she was wrong

After the concert was done she and Shannon went backstage to meet David. Apparently she got VIP backstage passes so they had some privacy with David and his band members with no other fans around them.

David and his band members were so nice. They chatted and took many pictures together. He also mentioned how Sebastian reached out to him through his Instagram just the other night and begged him for tickets and backstage passes, telling him that his marriage depended on them.

Her face reddened as she heard what David said. She couldn't believe Sebastian went as far as contacting David personally to get her tickets and backstage passes. He even told David about the fact that their marriage had some problems. Even though Sebastian didn't tell David the details, but just a vague explanation, she still felt so embarrassed by that. She made a mental note to talk to Sebastian about that. As much as she loved the surprise he had given her, she wasn't comfortable that Sebastian was telling a complete stranger about their situation. Even if the stranger was her idol.

Before she knew it, it was time for them to leave. It was getting really late and she was sure her dad and stepmom wouldn't appreciate her coming home too late.

"Thank you so much for tonight, David, the show was awesome, I had the best time! And thank you for allowing us to see you." She smiled wide as she shook David's hand.

"Oh it's my pleasure, Y/n. By the way, Sebastian asked me to give you something. Hold on." He said as he turned around and went to his dressing room.

He came back and returned carrying a brown package in his hand.

"There you go. I promise I didn't open it." He winked.

"Oh my, I'm really sorry for this David. Sebastian should just send it to me directly." She said as she received the package, which she suspected seemed to be a book.

"Oh it's no problem Y/n. He said he wanted to give you something to close the night and make it perfect for you. What could be more perfect than me giving it to you." David chuckled.

"Thank you again, David. I really appreciate it." She smiled wide.

"No problem, Y/n." David smiled wide.

She entered the limousine that night still reeling from everything that just happened. It felt like a dream come true for her. She couldn't stop smiling until they arrived at her dad's house.

She arrived a little after 1 am. The chauffer dropped off Shannon at a hotel near downtown Poway so she was alone when she arrived.

Starlene was thankfully already asleep, so was her stepmom. Only her dad was still awake, waiting for her to come home.

"Oh Y/n dear, you're home. How was it?" Her dad asked as she came in through the door.

"It was amazing, dad!" She gushed.

She quickly told him about everything including how she met David backstage. But she was too embarrassed to tell him how Sebastian requested a song to David to play for her, so she omitted that part from her story.

"Well, I'm so glad you had a lot of fun. You should do that more often. I rarely see you smile with a twinkle in your eyes like you are now." Her dad smiled.

"Oh Dad. I guess I really needed some me-time. Maybe I'll do it again someday."

"You should. It's good for your mental health." He stated, giving her a meaningful look.

"Yeah, thanks, Dad. How was Starlene? Was she cranky?" She asked in concern.

"A little. She just cried when she was hungry or tired."

"Okay, that's normal. Was she looking for me?"

"Yeah, she wanted to nurse several times and would snuggle on Diane's or my chest. But we just gave her the bottle and she thankfully accepted without much fuss." He explained.

"Okay, that's good. Thank you so much for taking care of her today, dad." She said as she gave him a hug.

"No problem, dear. Now let's go to sleep. I'm really sleepy." He said as he yawned and stretched his body.

"Okay, good night, dad." She smiled and gave him a peck on his cheek.

"Good night, dear." He smiled.

After cleaning herself up and changing into her sleeping attire, she climbed into bed bringing her cellphone and the package that David had given her earlier.

She wanted to send Sebastian a text message after opening the package. She decided not to call him that night because it was dawn where he was, she suspected he would still be asleep.

Her eyes widened as she opened the package and found a novel inside. He had sent her The Notebook. The famous romance novel that told a story of a couple, Noah and Allie, which had been turned into a movie starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams.

She opened the first page and as usual he had asked her to read the passages he had highlighted. But he also added a little opening greeting.

My dearest Y/n,

You are special.

You are the most beautiful woman in the world.

You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

I am still yours, my queen, my timeless beauty.

You are, and always have been, the best thing in my life.

You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side just as I have treasured our life together.

You are the answer to every prayer I've offered. You are a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don't know how I could have lived without you for as long as I have. I love you, more than you can ever imagine. I always have, and I always will.

What we have is rare. It's too beautiful to just throw it away.

We're meant to be together. We always have been.

We'll never be over.

I'll never leave you. What we have is forever.

We'll find a way to be together.

I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. And, my darling, you will always be mine.

Her heart swelled in happiness and happy tears pooled in her eyes as she read all of the passages he had highlighted. Receiving this from him really was the perfect way to end the day.

As if on cue, her cellphone buzzed. Sebastian had just sent her a message. He was apparently still awake.

Dearest Y/n,

You are my Allie.

And I want to be your Noah.

She couldn't help it anymore and she finally cried upon reading the message.

She realized then how much Sebastian really loved her. But she couldn't shake the thought that if he really loved her, why wouldn't he sacrifice his job for her and Starlene? Why would he choose his job over attending his own daughter's first birthday party, which will not happen a second time ever.

Her mind and heart went to war with each other as she contemplated on what to do. Her heart considered all of the things he had given to her family, all of the flowers he had sent, all of the beautiful quotes he had conveyed to her, and how he had facilitated the best experience ever for her that day.

Her mind however, reminded her that despite everything, he still wasn't going to show up for his own daughter's birthday party. Isn't that a red flag?

Tears continued falling down her cheek as the conflict continued to rage on inside her.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and stared at her cellphone's screen. Her thumb hovering above the reply button.

After several minutes eventually her mind won and she started to type a response.

Dearest Seb,

Thank you so much for such a wonderful day. I had the best time ever! I really appreciate what you have done for me.

I'm sorry but.. I'm not ready to be your Allie yet. I hope you can understand that.

It took only a second after she sent the message for Sebastian to call her.

"Seb.." she picked up the phone and greeted him, her heart pounding hard in her chest.

"Y/n.. my love.. I love you deeply and I hope you know that." He said.

She realized he was still quoting The Notebook and that made her laugh.

"Oh, Seb. You don't need to quote The Notebook anymore." She chuckled.

"Oh, but I do. My words never seem enough for you. I.. I miss you so much, sweetheart. I love you so much and I.. I can barely function without you. I'm sorry sweetheart. Please.. please come back to me." He pleaded.

"Seb.. " she sighed.

"Please honey.. please.." his voice shook and he started to cry it seemed, she could hear his sobs from the other end.

Her heart ached listening to him crying but she knew she needed to stand her ground. She wanted to know how much he was willing to sacrifice for her before she was ready to come back to him.

"Seb.. I.. I'm sorry. But, like I said. Words meant nothing without action." She said slowly.

Sebastian stayed quiet and didn't respond to what she said. Eventually she could hear him sniffle and he sighed.

"I understand, honey. Like Noah said, you are still my queen, my timeless beauty. You are, and always have been, the best thing in my life. And I love you deeply. Just.. just remember that." He said, his voice shook.

"I know, Seb. Thank you." That was all she could say as she felt her heart screamed internally, begging her to say it back to him but her mind prevented her to do it.

"Good night my love. Sweet dreams." He finally said.

"Good night, Seb. And thank you again." She replied.

She hung up the phone feeling empty inside. If what she had done was right, if what she had done was to protect her heart, then why did it feel so painful and wrong? She thought as she laid down on the bed and started to cry.

Eventually she fell asleep, with a hollow feeling in her chest and the knowledge that she might have lost a part of her soul.

---

La Venta Dr, Poway, California - July 13th 2023 - 3 pm

It was finally the day of Starlene's birthday. Her dad's house was full of people. All of his neighbours had come bringing many children who were running around on the front lawn, playing on the bouncy castle. Everyone whom she had invited had come. Her brother was there, Shannon was there, and her mother-in-law was there too. The only one who wasn't there was Sebastian.

She felt a pang in her heart as she remembered it. Sebastian had been very apologetic. Being the generous soul that he was, he ended up paying for and arranging everything for Starlene's birthday, from the decorations, the food and even the entertainment. She was grateful for that but she still couldn't shake the sadness in her heart that Sebastian wasn't there.

She was on the front lawn with Starlene and her mother-in-law while everyone around them mingled, nibbled on the snacks provided and generally had some good time.

Starlene was standing on the grass as she leaned down and held both of Starlene's hands, helping her to learn walking. Her grandmother, Sebastian's mom, stood several steps in front of them, encouraging Starlene to walk towards her.

"That's it Starlene.. step by step.. you can do it." Sebastian's mother cooed.

Starlene giggled as she took step after step towards her grandmother. Both her hands held on tightly to her. She tried to slowly let her hand go, to see if Starlene was able to make her first step herself. But the moment she let go, Starlene wobbled and fell down onto the grass.

"That's okay, Starlene. Let's try again." She smiled as she saw Starlene's pout.

She helped her to get back on her feet then started to guide her to walk again.

Suddenly Starlene stopped and her eyes widened in surprise.

"Dada.. " she said.

Her heart seemed to stop as she heard her call her dad. She looked up to see what Starlene was looking at and started to laugh.

Someone in an Elmo costume was walking towards their direction. Leave it to Starlene to call Elmo her dad. She thought in amusement.

She knew she didn't book any entertainment in the form of Elmo. So she was sure this was another of Sebastian's surprises.

Elmo walked closer towards her and Starlene let her hands go. Slowly but surely, she took step after step towards Elmo.

"Dada.. dada.." she continued saying as she walked towards whoever was in the Elmo costume.

She shook her head as she whipped out her cellphone and started shooting a video of Starlene. Her first walk and it was towards Elmo. How so memorable. She chuckled.

Elmo stopped walking and knelt on the ground as Starlene came closer to him. He opened his arms wide and Starlene practically ran towards him. Elmo embraced Starlene in his arms and gave her a tight hug.

"Dada.." Starlene said again, releasing herself from Elmo's embrace and placing her hand on his face.

"Oh Starlene my darling little star. I've missed you so much!" Elmo said.

Her heart seemed to stop as she listened to what Elmo just said.

Could it be..

She almost dropped her cellphone when Elmo took off the top part of his costume.

She closed her mouth with her hand, her eyes widened in surprise, as she looked at the man inside the Elmo costume. The man looked back at her, a familiar smile on his face, a twinkle in his beautiful bright blue eyes. The world seemed to stop as she gazed at the eyes of the love of her life and they stared at each other with so much love and longing.

Chapter 22 >

Taglist @sebsgirl71479 @dhoruwolfie

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastianstan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan fluff

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realmadridfamily · 1 year ago

Text

“I was in the hotel after the national team match (Belgium 2-0 England) and a photo of Mishel with a dog popped up on Instagram. I only watch profiles that I follow and I didn't know her but she suddenly popped up. I thought it was a very sweet photo and commented, "Cuties" not intending for her to respond to me. But it worked." - recalls Thibaut Courtois. It was November 2020, in the middle of the global crisis caused by the Covid-19 pandemic, and no one, not even themselves, expected that this whim of fate would turn them into the heroes of a love story. «I saw the message and thought, “Okay, fine. – I will answer you. And I wrote : "Thank you." He immediately asked me how my day was, how everything was going, and I thought: "This guy is cute." - explains model Mishel Gerzig.

From that evening on, they started talking non-stop. Every day. Until almost six months later, in April 2021, they saw each other for the first time in Madrid. “And we never parted again.” she says, stroking his hand, and the bouncer smiles knowingly in response. This is the first joint session after the wedding, which took place last July in a fairy-tale castle on the French Riviera, and after a serious knee injury that has kept Tibo off the pitch since August. During the session, they share confidences, smile, hug and kiss between photos... They are in a state of absolute happiness that cannot be hidden.

ELLE : Your relationship started long distance, but what was it like the first time you met in person?

THIBAUT: It was in Barajas, at the airport. You could fly to Spain from France, so she first flew from Israel to Paris and from there to Madrid. Right after landing, she told me that she had a problem with her passport and that they wouldn't let her into the country. It was a joke, but I was shocked and started thinking about how I could solve it. I couldn't believe it, I felt terrible.

MISHEL: (laugh). I thought of this joke to break the ice because I was very nervous when I saw him.

T: She was traveling with her best friend and they spent the night at my house. But we slept separately! (laugh). We had been talking on FaceTime all the time for months, we knew each other very well, but we needed to meet in person. We didn't plan much. We went for lunch, dinner, walked, talked for hours... I tried to get a friend to accompany me to training or a match. In fact, Mishel sometimes visited Di Stéfano, where we were playing at the time. And everything came out naturally, it worked. She brought a suitcase for two weeks because she had the idea to go to Amsterdam to work and then she never left (laugh).

M: That's true! The pandemic started and I was in Israel. When I had the opportunity to travel, I wanted to resume modeling, but my plans changed (laughter). I planned to stay here for two weeks, but I stayed much longer. That's because we had so much fun together. We already knew that we understood each other well remotely, but we tested each other in person and our relationship was even stronger.

E: So much so that you quickly became engaged.

T: And I wanted it to be even earlier (laugh). In January 2022, I went to buy a ring with a friend and thought: "I want one too." We had only been together for a few months, but I knew Mishel was the love of my life. I decided to wait until June to do it in a unique way. She loves the sea, so I found the right moment, improvised during a trip to Positano and asked her. We didn't want to wait so long to get married, but due to the World Cup and other commitments with Real Madrid and the Belgian national team, it was difficult to find an earlier date.

E: Thibaut is an international football star. Did you feel dizzy when you entered his world?

M: At first, yes. I thought about how I would cope. Tibo attracts a lot of attention and generates a lot of noise, but I slowly got used to it. It's beautiful to see all the love it awakens in people.

E: Shortly after the wedding, an injury occurred. How did you survive it?

T: The first day was difficult. I wrote to Mishel: "I think I broke my knee in training."

M: I quickly took the car and drove to Valdebebas.

T: We went for an MRI, which quickly showed that I had a serious injury. I was still inside and they had already told Mishel and the physio what happened. When I came out, I cried, but then I felt people's support and I started thinking positively. You can't go back. Mishel helped me a lot, especially in the first month when I was limping and could barely move. Now I'm working hard to come back as soon as possible and be 100% healthy.

E: How did this situation change your daily life?

T: Now I spend more hours training, but I also have more flexibility when it comes to being with my children and Mishel. The good thing is that they adore her, so we spend a lot of time together. The injury made me look at everything from a different perspective. I love football and I miss it, but there are other things I love and want to do. This year I'm going to start my Master's in Sports Management and hope to graduate. We also have several businesses (he invested in the production of plant milk, in Neat Burger, vegan burgers, in which Leonardo DiCaprio and Lewis Hamilton are also partners; he has a Formula 4 team, TC Racing, and Mishel is preparing to open a beauty salon in Madrid), it is worth develop mentally and learn new things. We are both curious and excited.

M: I'm lucky that in my job I can move deadlines freely. Previously, I did it to be with him at important matches and support him. When he got injured, I changed my schedule to spend more time at home to help him. And now, when I feel much better, I have gone to work in the United States. For me, balance is the most important thing because I want to do both, have time for work, but also for my personal and family life.

E: Speaking of family, your Mishel lives in Israel. How do you deal with what's going on there?

M: All people who were born there have been up to date with the current conflict throughout their lives. It's not that you get used to it, but you grow up having it in your everyday life. I served in the military for two years, so I know this up close. It's very painful to see what point this has gotten to. My family and friends are seeing and hearing terrible things as we all know people who have been killed or injured.

T: When I was a child and saw this conflict on TV, I didn't understand anything. This is a delicate and complicated issue for those of us who are neither Palestinian nor Israeli. Now I have family and friends there, so I experience it more closely, but I am Belgian. I show my support and respect every opinion, as long as it is expressed in a polite manner. We are all human and no one wants innocent people to die. This is the most important. But now there is a lot of hate, especially online, there is a lot of division and it is very difficult. These are things that cannot be allowed because we all want peace.

M: I have been living with this confrontation for 26 years, but I want to be positive and believe that peace will come and that all innocent people will be safe.

E: How did your careers start?

M: I started when I was 13, participating in a beauty pageant in Tel Aviv. At the age of 16, I worked outside Israel for the first time, on shows and campaigns in Milan and Miami.

T: I have been playing football since I was a child. At the age of 16, I was lucky enough to join Genk, one of the best teams in Belgium. When I was 18, we won the league and that made me grow. Chelsea signed a contract with me and loaned me to Atlético Madrid. I didn't speak Spanish, but I felt it was time to leave, even though almost no one around me was supportive. The first weeks were difficult, but I immediately felt the warmth of the people. The crowd and the team welcomed me very warmly and that made me fall in love with Madrid and Spain. When I had to go to England, it was very difficult for me to adapt because I missed Madrid. That's why I was happy to come back in 2018.

E: First you were at Atléti and now at Real Madrid. Do you think people understand this?

T: I know this is hard to understand for someone who loves Atléti. For the three years I played there, I gave everything I had to win. But I'm an athlete, it's my profession and I have to improve and fulfill my dreams by making bold decisions. Of course, I respect my past and never forget about it.

E: What are your plans for the future?

T: Growing the family, that's the first. And helping people, and that's the most important thing to both of us. To come back well after the injury and be in the best shape. Develop businesses and continue to enjoy life together in Madrid, with family and five dogs. I love sports and will always be involved in it, but when I retire, I see myself coaching youth teams rather than senior teams. It's too much pressure and too much time away from home. I think Mishel would throw me out of it (laugh).

#Mishel Gerzig #Thibaut Courtois #Real Madrid #Interview

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thelonesomequeen · 2 years ago

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Even weirder that HE's been spotted many times this whole time alone or w/Dodger, family & friends but nothing with her. // I’m struggling to think what “many” sightings are being referenced here? I can recall a few off-the-set solo sightings of him over the last year, but not many. Re: your similar point not spotting them in friends’ pictures or posts, can you think of any photos that his friends or family have posted this year which feature even just Chris (no Alba)? Cause I can’t.

On the other hand, there were alleged sightings made by a journalist in Lisbon in May, and a Twitter sighting of him in Vancouver in June, but these are often discounted because they don’t fit people’s theories. Tara followed Alba in late June and commented on one of her posts in July. Chris was filming from late August onward, and we know Alba was in ATL beginning in September because of the yoga course (as much as people will protest otherwise). Earlier in the year, we know her IG location was in the US for all of February / part of March. (Yes, I acknowledge knowing all this overkill. It’s why I take weeks-long breaks from Tumblr. 😆)

I dunno, I’m curious about examples of the holes you see in the timeIine cause I’m not seeing them tbh. The only one I can maybe see is Shanna’s wedding, but if I were in Alba’s shoes I might’ve sat that event out so as not to steal thunder. Imagine the fandom abuse Shanna could’ve gotten following such a joyful day, or the news articles a couple sighting might’ve spawned. I can see if they decided Shanna deserved not to have her day overshadowed that way.

Not trying to be combative at all, by the way. Y’all know I think the PR theory is bogus, but that doesn’t mean I’m the authority on the relationship timing. I’m genuinely trying to understand what others are seeing that I’m not.

There actually were a few photos of him in friend’s posts from this year where he is pictured and she isn’t there. But on the reverse side of that, I think these photos all came at the same time she was knowingly preoccupied with other things. Examples: Tara posted a photo with him from his LA home before The Gray Man premiere. His friend Chelsea posted a photo from a mutual friend’s wedding over the summer plus a golf outing. I think Scott’s boyfriend Steve also posted some cute photos from the Lightyear premiere to his story. I remember thinking it was sweet he was still invited along to join the family even though Scott couldn’t be there. But I believe all of those line up with the same time she was doing Mrs. Harris press?

I also think it’s entirely possible for her to had visited him while he was filming and go essentially undetected. I really don’t think she’s very recognizable to the public at all.

The only issue I have with the Vancouver sighting is that it apparently took place in a mall? Unless I’m confusing that with some other sighting. I just feel like if he was in such a public place that at least someone would have snapped a picture that would have ended up on twitter or something? It’s so hard to know when sightings are real or not anymore when there are so many trolls running around the fandom these days. I feel like I don’t remember the May Lisbon sighting at all, but I don’t doubt the sighting didn’t happen. So much has happened that it’s easy to lose track of. I was also doing a huge home renovation at the time, so I was only occasionally popping in to see what was going on, and I’m sure I missed things because of that.

I do think it makes sense that she didn’t attend his sister’s wedding if they were together. If anyone remembers, I actually played devil’s advocate back then and pointed out that it didn’t make sense for her to fly in when they wouldn’t be able to spend time together. He literally flew in for that weekend only and went right back to filming. He was also a part of the wedding party. Anyone who has been in a wedding party knows how busy you are the entire weekend. There really isn’t much time to spend with a significant other if they’re also not in the wedding party. It’s essentially only part of the reception and that’s it. If she had flown in, they barely would have had any time together that entire weekend between the festivities and returning back to set. So if they were together, I don’t find it odd that she didn’t go for that reason alone. But I also completely agree with you about not going to avoid stealing Shanna’s thunder. If she was there and had been spotted, it would have been articles galore about Chris and Alba. I just can’t see him being the type of person to steal the spotlight from Shanna on her big day like that.

Where I get a little stuck on things is the photo we received of her over the summer with another man. While it doesn’t prove she was dating that guy, it’s still pretty close for two people to be if one of them is in a relationship with someone else. I certainly wouldn’t be happy with my husband if he was wrapped around another woman that way. He’d have a lot of explaining to do 😂 that’s the one kink in the story I can’t really get past. It’s what makes me wonder if they only casually saw each other for a while before making things official? But that’s also a theory of mine that could be wrong. But long story short, late spring through summer is where I see potential holes in the relationship. But it could simply be explained away as them both being busy or us just not being entitled to see every moment they’ve spent together. I think that’s a concept a lot of fans tend to forget about. Just because we want to see them together, doesn’t mean we’re entitled to that.

For the most part, the longer this all lasts, the more I’m inclined to think it’s all real. Specially when she and her friend group pop up and it isn’t being used for PR in any type of way like this year’s NYE Vermont trip. People love to argue that “PR is for the fans to see, too!” but it’s really not. PR is for the public and it’s something that’s very blatantly obvious. You shouldn’t have to follow private accounts of friends, friend’s significant others, and whoever else in order to connect the dots of them being in the same location. I think there are a small handful of PR theories that make sense, but a majority of them are so out of this world I don’t even know what to say about it. I really don’t. I honestly wonder if people hear themselves sometimes. The idea that absolutely everything that happens is part of some elaborate conspiracy theory in order to control a narrative is a bit much for me, personally. That’s when I wish people would truly log off and spend some time in reality to hopefully be able to see some of this with clear eyes and an open mind. Or at least be able to hold respectful discussions about it all. And I also don’t negate the fact that this really could be both. A real relationship that will be used for PR when it suits one of them best. Anyway. This was super long and I feel like I’ve rambled on and on. Sorry! 😂🦎

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holocene-sims · 2 years ago

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next // previous

june 25, 2021 2:00 p.m. newcrest counseling center

[margot] would you also like to talk about your mother? about what she did? in detail, that is?

[grant] i would prefer not to.

[grant] i'm sorry, i feel like i'm kind of wasting your time. the whole time i've been seeing you, the main issue is healing from what my mom did to me, and i haven’t really told you anything other than she hated me and used to scream horrible things at me and beat me.

[grant] i haven't even told you WHAT she used to say to me.

[margot] grant, i am here for you. i want you to open up about certain things eventually so that you can heal and really push through these issues, but i don’t want to rush you. if i sit here and demand you to answer all the questions i could ask you about her, it won’t do anything but re-traumatize you. you’re not wasting time. you’ve made progress. look how quickly you were able to re-stabilize after recent events. do you think you would have stabilized that well if this happened a few years ago?

[grant] i mean, i never would have abused substances again because i was working, so i wouldn’t have done that, but i'd still be an emotional disaster by now. again, not that i'm cured, but i'm taking the best steps possible to heal and move on from my relationship.

[grant] but about my mom, i wish i could just get it all out because it’d be easier.

[grant] god. i don’t know if i ever can open up. it’s too much. sometimes i think something crazy would have to happen for me to fully open up about her.

[margot] like what?

[grant] i don’t know, if pigs learn to fly or if i get put at gunpoint and told to talk.

[margot] i know it is difficult but i believe you can do it when you’re ready.

[grant] i can’t even talk about her with my family.

[margot] how come? is it for the same reasons?

[grant] not quite. i think it’s different. the point is, i don’t talk about her with anybody, and if i do, it’s really surface level and it won’t be for very long.

[grant] i feel like you’re going to ask so i'll go ahead and try to explain. it’s less painful with them because they know everything she did already, so i don’t need to get too deep, and she treated them terribly, too, so there’s a mutual understanding there. it’s more that…

[grant] well, for example, the other day, i was telling my grandparents about the stuff i've been doing in therapy, and i couldn’t bring myself to even name drop my mother in front of my grandmother. it felt wrong, even in the context of trying to say i'm working through my trauma caused by my mom. so, i talked around my mom, but still, i could feel this killer tension immediately come into the room when i hinted at her.

[grant] and it’s not just tension. there’s some really strong emotions there that i can’t read and that’s not just with my grandmother. it’s with everyone. i don’t want to burden or upset her or anyone else. if anyone mentions my mom, it’s like waiting for a bomb to go off. so, uh, i don’t talk about my mom with them.

[margot] is your family the type to talk about their feelings?

[grant] i think so. they always encourage me to share mine.

[margot] so, if you brought up your mom and it, for example, made your grandmother sad, would she tell you that?

[grant] maybe not. she doesn’t like talking about herself.

[margot] sounds familiar. maybe there’s a pattern there. they don’t want to talk about their feelings and their experiences, and you’re modelling that behavior.

[grant] i don’t want to bring them into this.

[margot] does that make you uncomfortable?

[grant] none of this is their fault.

[margot] it’s not about fault. it’s just about recognizing patterns. family systems are interlocked and interconnected. we turn out the way we do in part because of the family system we come from.

[grant] i'm not blaming them. i won’t do it.

[margot] we’re not blaming anyone. it is okay. i'm also not saying your relatives are bad people. they sound like very good people. good people can have maladaptive behaviors, though, like avoiding their feelings or working overtime to protect the feelings of the others in the system.

[grant] right. you know, i also won’t talk about her with my dad, but that’s different, too. we keep running into an issue where we need to talk about her to be able to have a decent relationship but i refuse to do it. thinking about her in-depth is excruciating. put him in the room and all i can do is remember how bad both of them were and it’s an awful feeling. i don’t like feeling literally teleported back to my past, and that's what it's like. so, it’s easier to just avoid it with him, even if it gets in the way of trying to be nice to each other.

[margot] grant…

[grant] my family isn’t coming into this.

[margot] are you afraid that if we talk about your family, you’ll feel like you have to assign blame for something? maybe about your mother’s outcome in life? or maybe about your outcome in life?

[grant] something else is that i've consciously told myself for years not to talk about her. if i were just unconsciously avoiding her, i might be able to talk, but no, i've put those barriers up and i really, really do not want to take them down.

[margot] you really don’t want to acknowledge the potential role of your family, do you?

[grant] i wouldn’t be here without them. i won’t criticize them. that’s betrayal.

[margot] i think you know some of these things are true. again, it doesn’t make your family bad, just like you aren’t inherently a bad person because of your maladaptive behaviors.

[grant] they’ve lived hard lives. most of them. i will never judge them.

[margot] is that the attitude they have towards you? they won’t judge you because you’ve had a hard time in life? if someone in the family is exhibiting a less than ideal behavior, does anyone push them on it?

[grant] we’re loyal to each other no matter what.

[margot] i really don’t think recognizing certain patterns is an issue of betrayal or loyalty. is there a reason you feel that way?

[grant] no. there's not. we just stick together and that's that.

[grant] anyway...

[grant] you know, i also struggle to talk about my mother because i even told her myself i was never talking about her ever again.

[margot] really?

[margot] was this when you saw her last? when you graduated, perhaps?

[grant] it was. i told her i'd think and talk about her so little she might as well be dead.

[margot] these ghosts of the past follow us around as long as we’re unhealed. they’re never really dead to us.

[grant] i wish she were.

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts4 screenshots #simblr #hlcn: everything the stars promised #holocene.docx #holocene.png #hlcn: grant #hlcn: margot

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jodilin65 · 3 years ago

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WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30, 2021 I’ve been feeling many things more and more often these days that are hard to put into words. This relentless boredom is really getting old. I have no drive or energy to do things so much of the time. I mean sure, there are things I would love to do but since they’re not things I can just up and do anytime I want, I’m left with the same old, same old. It makes me wonder how I managed to keep from losing my mind from boredom when I was younger, but then I did have other things I did back then that I don’t do anymore, and the things that I still do once took longer. I had to write journals and stories by hand and that takes longer than using speech-to-text. I had to walk to and from bus stops to go places. I hung out with friends more often. I had sex even if it wasn’t as often as I would have liked or as enjoyable as I would have liked. I used to be more flexible.

Even in just the time we’ve gone from Auburn to here, there’s quite a difference in how much more energyless, lazy, and bored I often get. I don’t look forward to the things I used to look forward to and the things that I do still enjoy seem to go too fast. There are only so many hours in a day I can write, drill, or listen to audiobooks.

I feel more and more empty inside even though I have more and more going for me as funny as that may sound. Hey, anything is better than anxiety but I still wish I had more of a zest for life. It’s just that I realize that even if people like Nane and Maliheh were back in my life again, not that I would want them to be, it wouldn’t be the same. Nothing would be the same because nothing is the same.

So I’ve been racking my brains trying to come up with a way to pass the time. “Mia” and “Stephanie” help but she may get old eventually and I may grow tired of her. Even if it’s some kind of silly pretend game like role-playing where I imagine chatting with hotties or at least people I find interesting. But then even that would get old after a while because there are only so many things we could talk about. Well, things that I know and understood and could relate to well enough anyway. I know there are a million subjects under the sun. It’s just that I’m not familiar with all of them. Maybe I need to get into more story writing. It’s just that the editing part takes a lot of time and that’s another thing I can only stand to do for so long. I guess with ADD you really can’t focus for long, can you?

So even though I have setting up the new place to look forward to, going to the beach, maybe going cruising, and other things, I’m still going to be home 95% of the time needing to fill my time with activities.

Here we go with the nighttime small planes flying round and round. Can’t wait to get away from that shit. Definitely another thing to look forward to, bored or not!

Anyway, I guess I need to make a list of activities that I can do and do each one for an hour at a time. I can definitely drill for an hour and work out for an hour, but blog for an hour? I don’t see how I wouldn’t run out of things to say long before that hour was up. But it is easy to ramble on with speech-to-text, and again, most of the work when it comes to writing is in the editing and not the actual writing whether you type it out or talk it out. I’m not a stress eater but I sometimes want to eat when I get bored because watching shows and movies without nibbling on something is boring. But I really have to control myself because I gain weight so damn easily.

I know I’ve said this before but I really miss random crushes on people whether they’re strangers I see online or in movies or somewhere in person. They were not only fun but they made for good story ideas even if those ideas were pretty similar in the end.

There’s a part of me that wishes I could work part-time because then my free time would be more special and I would be making some money.

TUESDAY, JUNE 29, 2021 Pawandeep texted Tom today to say she had another baby. So they chatted awhile via text and he learned she and several others had Covid. So glad he got out of there in time! Things could have turned out so very differently for both of us and not in a good way either.

Andy messaged me to say he started Weight Watchers to help get him out of the plateau he’s been in for the last four months. He said something about learning that he’s been eating the wrong foods.

But I told him about this years ago. I don’t think he realizes that he’s going to eventually have to start counting calories. He said something about not measuring the cream he puts in his coffee or the butter on his toast or things like that since measuring is beyond him, and that he’s still over his point limit for the day. I never understood how that program worked but knew it was some kind of point system. I don’t know why measuring is so hard for him. Doesn’t he have measuring cups? He said he could get a scale or contact one of the coaches they provide. It will be interesting to see how it works for him.

For me, I’m always going to have thyroid issues and therefore nothing could work except for lowering my calories to unsustainable levels. The best I can do is try to eat more of the right foods and hope I don’t gain anymore. Not gonna focus on this much until we get settled in our new place. Right now, things like my weight are the last thing on my mind. I just don’t want any more delays! And I would prefer to be able to stay here until we leave and not have to stop at a hotel first. Hopefully, we’ll find out something from Pierce soon enough. I just want to know what’s what for sure! The approximations are getting a little old.

If there aren’t any more delays, then I will sleep here 10 more times. Yeah, just 10 more times sleeping in traffic. I thought something woke me up this morning but I may have been dreaming. He said there weren’t any more loud vehicles than there usually are. I’m still kind of tired because I only slept 6 hours. Shouldn’t have to worry about my schedule for the rest of the time we’ve got left, no matter where we are. Right now, I’m guessing we’ll be here until the 9th unless anything comes up to change that.

I don’t like how I’ve been getting so cold so easily even when it’s warm in here. Really hope my thyroid isn’t dying anymore! When I contact Doc A to let her know we’re leaving and ask whether or not she wants to call in refills then or have me let her know when I need them, I’ll also ask if it really is OK to take this form of magnesium before 4 hours after taking my medication.

I still miss Aly so damn much! It still hurts like hell to know she’ll never Skype me again and that I can’t share anything that’s going on with her. It’s so sad and so unfair because she felt like she’d hardly lived, all she did was suffer, and there was so much more she wanted to do and experience.

However, the more I think about it, the more certain I am that Cam never existed. I’m just not sure if she was living with her parents most of the time or was really in a relationship but one that wasn’t all that satisfying and fulfilling instead and therefore she made up a much better relationship with “Cam.”

Some things just never added up. The doctor I couldn’t Google, the fact that I couldn’t get the slightest info on him, the fact that her accounts still exist and she had to have her neighbor contact me instead of Cam. I think that had she been with anyone at the time, they would have been the ones to close her accounts and contact me. But I can see where her parents were just too old and not computer-savvy enough to get such things.

Plus there was the fact that I never got to see any pictures of Cam or where they were living. The way she wouldn’t give me her address and had me send things to her parents were other clues suggesting he didn’t exist. I think she really did have an apartment for a while which I once saw part of in a picture, but I think she spent most of the time I knew her with her parents. I do believe that her past relationships were real when it came to Dustin, Sera, and Jase, and I do believe she lived with those gay guys for a while too.

If she felt like she was settling to the point that she had to make up a “better” boyfriend, then that’s pretty sad but she also would be able to do that quite well with the intelligence and creative mind she had. I wonder things, though, like why she decided he should be in acquisitions, then a bartender, and finally trained to be a corrections officer.

I just wish I could have her back! I don’t care what was real and what wasn’t. I loved her like a sister just the way she was.

MONDAY, JUNE 28, 2021 Tom is 64 today. One more year till Medicare! Last week of Unemployment, though. We’re still dumbfounded that he could get paid more not to work.

SATURDAY, JUNE 26, 2021 Nancy has definitely moved in. Other than some door-slamming yesterday, she’s been quiet. It looked like one guy moved her. She caught me going to get the mail and we said hello to each other, and she asked about us moving. I told her the three main reasons we wanted to move were for warmer winters, a cheaper place, and that I thought it was too noisy here. She came from an apartment so she knows all about noise, but understandably, it’s hard to pass up being offered a house and no doubt much cheaper payments. California may be expensive no matter where you go but this is actually cheaper than even a tiny one-bedroom apartment.

Tom had a paranoid moment and told me not to tell people we thought it was too noisy here in case Debbie finds it too noisy and we didn’t disclose. But we did disclose, I reminded him. He mentioned the delivery trucks when she asked if it was quiet. Also, she doesn’t live far from here so she’s hearing the same planes and helicopters we are. Furthermore, noise is a subjective thing. He grew up in noisy environments so he doesn’t consider this noisy.

The noise was absolutely horrible yesterday mostly due to the 5 hours that the trash and green waste trucks were going in and out, other service vehicles, and of course the freeway in the sky.

There are many reasons to want to move and one of them is the fact that they’ll be turning the water off next Tuesday for 6 hours for the millionth time. I told him we wouldn’t make it out before another water turn-off once we learned we were delayed. Will there be any more after that, I don’t know.

Yesterday, after we went to drop off a streaming box at the cable company, I said hello to the Twenties as I was bringing in the green waste bin. I told them what furniture and exercise equipment we had available but they don’t have a need or the space for them.

Passed the 5-week marker without any skips of my med and all has been fine so far except for a racy heart yesterday. I had some ice cream so maybe it was the sugar. I was also doing sprints.

So excited to be getting out of here and picking out a new place! The only thing that kind of sucks is knowing that it just isn’t in my cards to get my dream home. Not a single side of the place is going to back up to woods or water. It’s going to be all streets and houses just like here. But at least it won’t be in a flight path, will be cheaper, and the climate will be warmer! Can’t say if we’re going to be there forever, though. We may one day decide we want to be in a regular house, and if he’s still healthy and wouldn’t mind going back to work, I would be okay with that as long as I was feeling okay and it wasn’t for 12 hours a day and some Saturdays. There are a number of possibilities that could end up happening, as he pointed out.

FRIDAY, JUNE 25, 2021 Got my diamond painting yesterday. It's a colorful toucan with a pink background. I miss drilling and it gives me something to do while we continue to play the waiting game. It's going to be a long 2 weeks.

Had groceries delivered this morning shortly after I got up, and my toe stickers are arriving today as well.

He brought old paint cans to a recycling company and had one of the car's tires fixed as well. A while back a screw punctured it and it would slowly lose air so he realized it was silly not to fix it before we left. At least it was only $20 to patch it up.

Not much in the way of dreams. Just something about locking myself out of a building until someone I knew came around that I knew would let me in, and worrying that a small white dog that was missing might have drowned in a lake.

THURSDAY, JUNE 24, 2021 Tom's gone to drop off old paint cans at a paint recycling company.

I was not at all happy to learn that this year the parade is going to loop around the circle. They couldn't just wait one more fucking year before they had to wrap their asses around the house and pose yet another threat to my sleep! I'm supposed to be crashing that day before they start. It's not even 10 a.m. and already there has been so much loud traffic and helicopters. The helicopters were absolutely maddening a couple of days ago. I think they were military helicopters. Even on the days they're "quiet" they're still way more than I've ever heard anywhere else in my life.

I really hope it's better in Florida but I'm guessing that only a few things may be better there. People are still going to have things delivered to their places and most of the loud traffic stems from delivery trucks. So I really really hope the soundproofing material works as well as they say and that we’re able to install it properly. You have to basically do it perfectly otherwise it won't work.

I'm not sure I see the point of a gated community, though. It would make sense and be helpful if the gates were closed all the time and there was somebody at the gate opening and closing them. But the front one is open all day and therefore anyone is free to come in. Yet if delivery trucks don't make it before they close, there's no one there to open them unless they come in right behind someone who lives here.

The good news is that Pierce texted him yesterday to say that while he still can't make any promises, it's looking like there's little chance that there will be a second delay. Because of my fucking schedule, we're going to ask if we can stay until the 9th but let him know that we don't absolutely have to. If we have to go to a hotel, we will even though that would make things harder on me. I've been tired lately. I just took a nap until traffic woke me up. This time it was a water delivery truck. Anyway, the problem is that there are no suitable flights going to Tampa if the house closes sooner as we expect it will. No red eyes, no evening flights. I don't know if there's even any in the afternoon. But at this point, I would be willing to switch to Coach even if it meant dealing with all the screaming and having to have someone sit with us to get out of here sooner. I don't see this happening, though.

Holly’s still ignoring me but she hasn't blocked me. No new updates since she returned from her trip to Oregon. I reread her post again thanking people for the cards and flowers and found that I missed what kind of cancer she was dealing with. She had breast cancer surgery. One of her friends said they went through that nearly 20 years ago and have remained cancer-free ever since.

The question is do some of these people have me marked as spam? Has she, Shannan, and Alyssa completely ignored my messages? Or do they read them in silence?

It's great that I've been calmer these days but now I'm dealing with a little bit of fatigue, TMJ, and a whole lot of boredom. How did I survive my younger days when I had less to do without going completely out of my mind from boredom? And damn do I miss some of the old me! I miss being able to see without glasses. I miss being at least a little thinner. I miss my libido. I miss having crushes on various people even though I knew they could never lead to anywhere and that was all right. For me, it wasn't about capturing them and falling into bed with them. It was about flirting or at least having fun with them in my mind and stories. But when you can almost never get horny in the first place, you can never look at anyone and realize you're hot for them.

UPS just went by, music blaring, before crashing into the speed bump as if it wasn't even there. Damn, I'm so sick of this shit! If they would just do something to quiet down the delivery trucks and we could get out of a flight path, that would make a huge difference right there. At least then I could still have the peacefulness of the nights to look forward to. I really hope I get that back in Florida! No one should have to listen to planes and helicopters swarming around at 3 AM. But it isn't just at 3 AM, of course. It's on and off all through the night and it's not just helicopters either. I'm sure some of them are small planes of some kind. Not as many commercials at that time but every now and then there are some.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23, 2021 Most of our stuff is now gone and what’s left is going on the plane with us or not going anywhere at all. We still may donate the unwanted furniture. We’re not exactly sure what’s going on with that just yet. I filled Carolyn in and joked about how we were the noisy ones yesterday with the moving trucks and all that. They’re back from Iowa now and she said at least they’ll get to say goodbye to us.

There were actually two large trucks, and believe me, the sight of them definitely got me emotional with tears stinging my eyes. The moment had finally come! The first truck had a couple of really nice Mexican guys and was mostly filled with other people’s stuff along with moving supplies since they’re a full-service company that will pack you up and move you if you pay them for it. I’m sure they found us to be rather easy since we’re not taking any furniture.

Not letting them know I know Spanish so I could eavesdrop even though I didn’t pick up anything exciting, the guy had a roll of stickers that starts with the number one that he stuck on each of our items along with a unique number so as to keep track of our stuff and not get it mixed in with someone else’s. We ended up with 109 items. He packed some of the smaller items into a large cardboard box. It was $15 per box which was kind of ridiculous and we needed 2 of them, so it cost us $30 but then when you’re paying $4,300 to begin with, it hardly seems like much. They didn’t charge us for all the tape they used because they wanted to give our boxes extra security.

They did a great job and were a reminder that we’re not as young and as fit as we used to be with the way they so easily loaded five boxes onto their dolly and wheeled them all out like they were made of air. Tom was so glad that in the end, he didn’t have to load everything up himself as was originally planned until he learned he couldn’t get any moving pods out here until August.

The second truck, driven by a third Mexican guy, was even bigger, and after they had time to load up most of our stuff which they wheeled up a ramp onto the truck, I went out and looked inside the truck which was practically as big as our living room which is huge. Our stuff seemed so tiny and lost in the vast cavern of the truck. It was packed against the back wall. They had shelves in the middle of the wall so they didn’t have to have such tall stacks of stuff. This truck, they said, was to pack a bigger place in San Francisco and then be brought to the San Jose warehouse. There our stuff will remain until we get a place in Florida to have it driven out to.

They were 40 minutes late and here for 2 hours. It seemed to take more time to do the paperwork and the taping than the actual moving of the stuff. I can just imagine how long it would take if they were to pack and move an entire household of 4 or more!

Taking advantage of Prime Day, we decided to get another laptop like the new one we just got only it has a better brain. At this point, I don’t know if I’ll go back to my desktop. Yes, I’ll miss the touch screen feature and the bigger screen but maybe we’ll set it up as a security monitor in the next place because we plan to install cameras around it.

Not sure what we’re going to do with the old MacBook but I’m sure he’ll find some use for it. Still might get an iPad at some point as well. It will be interesting to see what the new version of Windows is like since they claim it’s more like a Mac.

Oh, and we also got a laser tape measure which ought to be cool.

Getting a haircut later on.

TUESDAY, JUNE 22, 2021 The movers didn’t get to us yesterday because the person they had to move before had more shit than they told them they had. They’re coming this morning at 8 along with our groceries.

I really like this new Windows laptop even though I’ve always hated how it lacks some of the features that the Mac has. Especially being able to simply highlight and read text anywhere on or offline. Instead, if I want anything read aloud I have to copy and paste it into Word. However, I do like how Word highlights each word as it’s read whereas most others don’t.

The only thing is that the keyboard is arranged a little differently and it takes some getting used to. I don’t like how I have to hit the number lock key to use the 10 key. Then I have to release it if I want to use page up and page down. But then this one has missing features that my Windows desktop has like the touch screen.

Really love the fingerprint password instead of having to have a regular one with numbers and letters because if any of my other devices were stolen, a desperate and determined person could order encryption tracking software from the dark web and they’re in. But nobody can order up my fingerprint.

I wish my schedule jumped faster on days instead of nights because I not only sleep better at night but then I’d get to be the first one up more than just three or four times in a row.

He ordered a large suitcase since we can each check 3 items for free, and instead of mailing the safe to our temporary box, we’re going to just throw it in that suitcase.

Yesterday was Prime Day so for less than $5 I’m going to try toenail stickers.

We haven’t decided for sure but we may sell off the unwanted furniture through either Craigslist or eBay.

He was emailed documents to sign this morning pertaining to the inspection so it’s looking more hopeful that things will actually go through this time around and that there won’t be any more delays.

MONDAY, JUNE 21, 2021 Never got a reply from the wrong Patricia O, but I messaged one of her daughters and her granddaughter and said that the least they could have done was tell me that I had the wrong person after years of messaging her. The daughter blocked me in the granddaughter said, “You can’t be serious. My grandmother is 80 years old and doesn’t know much about computers. I don’t think it was malicious in any way.”

Now it makes sense to me and I kind of felt bad for not thinking of this possibility upfront. I did know she wasn’t young, after all. Other things make sense as well like the son contacting me. He was probably showing her something, got nosy and browsed through her messages, saw my name, and looked me up out of curiosity.

The blog view I once got from Gloversville, NY was no doubt him as well, and because Doc O told me she was out of town at the time I messaged her, that furthered my belief that it was her Facebook account.

Pierce better give us some fucking information today! I’m tired of things being possible but not for sure. I want to be certain about what’s going on and what to expect.

Tom slaved his ass off packing all day yesterday but couldn’t finish, so he crashed early and got up early to finish before the movers get here later on.

SUNDAY, JUNE 20, 2021 The movers are coming tomorrow and the house will be 95% empty which will definitely make it real! Now all we have to do is hope to hell the sale doesn’t fall through and cause us to have to start all over again. I also worry about waking up too soon the day we leave as well.

Screw Instagram. They won’t let me upload more than one picture at a time unless it’s to the Stories which disappear in 24 hours. Had uploading problems but researched and found that if you have issues you might have to restart your phone. After doing that, they showed up on Facebook and Instagram like they were supposed to. I’ll just upload to Facebook whatever pictures I take when we finally get the fuck out of here.

I messaged both of the “fake” Patricia O accounts to ask why the hell she couldn’t have simply told me I had the wrong person and even sent a friend request to the accounts to help get their attention and I’ve been totally ignored. Makes me wonder about some people!

I don’t want to get my hopes up yet as I pass 4 consecutive weeks of not skipping my medication but when I look back on the calendar for the word “anxious” since I put that word on any day I feel anxious whether it’s just a hint of it or a lot of it, I counted 17 days for last month but just 4 days for this month so far. The reason I don’t want to get my hopes up is that I do have some good spells every now and then where I manage to make it several weeks with just a few scattered days of mild anxiety. I’m hoping it’s a combination of the new supplements and getting further into menopause but I still wonder at times if the medication building up as it does when I pass the 6-8-week marker could still have a hand in it. Guess I’ll find out soon enough!

We went to Rite Aid yesterday and saw that Nancy was here. She had a cable truck here. Don’t know if she’s moved in yet but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was before we left which kind of sucks because then there’s going to be a lot of door-slamming and company. My sleep is so critical at this point that anything that’s a potential threat to it puts stress on me.

Had a series of strange dreams. Again, they were quick and senseless. In one of them, I was standing in our (future?) kitchen posing in certain positions because my joints had been stiff and I was worried I lost even more mobility. But I was glad to find I hadn’t as I looked up through a skylight and saw it was raining.

Tom was in another room and I was thinking about how Stacey and I exchanged a few messages which I mentioned to him.

Earlier, he was telling me I could get food cooked in grease and have it delivered because we had a monthly delivery service plan and every so often for no extra charge they would cook it in this special grease, LOL.

In the next dream, I entered an apartment or condo somewhere that was set up as perhaps some kind of group home. “I’m back,” I said to the handful of people sitting in the living room watching TV, worrying that I forgot to dress and was completely naked. The people in the living room ignored me and I looked down and realized with relief that I had a sundress on.

I spotted someone I recognized in the kitchen and asked if she was from Virginia. She nodded and I asked her if anyone from that state ever appeared on my phone bill that tried to contact me when they were checking everybody’s phone records in search of someone that was causing some kind of trouble. I told her I couldn’t remember the name of the town but in my mind, I was thinking of Maliheh even though she lives in a different state in real life.

Then I heard guinea pigs squeaking somewhere as I traveled through the place and out onto a balcony made up of a small pool and a large pool that was sunken into a rock floor. I now magically had a swimsuit on and jumped down into the large one. I opened my eyes underwater to try to get a sense of how deep the pool was. There were at least half a dozen other people in the pool area and I asked the closest one to me how deep the water was. She said, “It depends. It’s connected to the ocean.”

“So there’s no way of knowing?” I asked.

The woman shook her head even though I noticed a small pool nearby with a little sign saying “Sandy” which I took to mean was shallow.

I said that whoever owned such a beautiful condo was lucky and the woman agreed as she pointed to an older woman in a one-piece black G-string bathing suit walking away from us along with someone else they were talking to.

Then I went to get out of the water and had to climb up a ladder to do so. But the steps were so steep I could barely pull my weight upward. Some guy reached down to help pull me up and the dream ended with us struggling to get me out of the pool.

SATURDAY, JUNE 19, 2021 The splinter hemorrhage in my toenail is growing out so it’s definitely not melanoma or anything to worry about. The question is how it got there in the first place since I didn’t injure my foot in any way. I read there are a number of different things that can cause them.

I’m still not remembering my dreams much. Just senseless snippets here and there like us being in a two-story house with a large yard around it that was set back from the street. Tom was sitting in a lounge chair reading something as I looked through the windows in the living room we were in to see neatly trimmed bushes that were about six feet tall. They extended around the front and side of the living room and I said something about us being surrounded.

Then Tom was saying that our package was being delivered and I ran upstairs to look out a second-floor window to get a better view of the street. UPS was parked at the curb.

I ran back downstairs to get the package which was a doll head that I either attached to a body or used as a decorative display. The only problem was that it was the same head that I already had. Not wanting to go through the hassle of returning it, I decided I would simply give it different color eyes to make it look different.

Holly’s still ignoring me and still sharing vacation pics. I shared one of her funny cat videos (not hers personally) with Kim because I knew she would really like it. I wonder if this will cause me to be blocked or not but I don’t care either way. Until and if she does, Kim will appreciate the good laugh. Especially since she’s having a tough time with her shoulder and she recently fell too.

FRIDAY, JUNE 18, 2021 I learned some sad and interesting news yesterday. But first, I had my final ENT appointment. Definitely going to miss Dr. N! The good news is that she said my ear looked good and didn’t need to be cleaned. The bad news was that it cost us $95 for her to tell me that.

I mentioned how my bite has been off lately and how only the teeth on one side touch when I close my jaw. She confirmed that TMJ can cause that and said to mention it to my next dentist.

She looked like she wanted to hug me on my way out but didn’t. Instead, I told her to look me up on Facebook someday. She said she would but I know she won’t, of course, LOL. I’ve already given her a positive review on Yelp and I added one on Healthgrades as well.

It was while I was on Healthgrades that I made a shocking discovery. First, though, I’m truly grateful that I simply accepted the referral I received to Doc N and never checked her reviews beforehand because so many people don’t seem to like her. The same goes for Doc A who I checked next just to see what was there.

Curious, I went to pull up Doc O to see what came up on her and wasn’t able to pull up her name. Finding that strange, I Googled her name, and up came her obituary! She died in February of lymphedema! She battled with cancer for eight years beginning when she was my age, so she suffered for one year longer than I’ve suffered from hormonal issues. I can’t imagine battling cancer for that long! Such a horrible and scary time that must have been in some ways. I guess she had cancer in her lymph nodes and the removal of lymph nodes can cause lymphedema.

She was 63. What is shitty age to die. You live long enough to suffer through menopause but you don’t get to enjoy your retirement after working so long and hard.

She was an “Army brat” and lived in many places. Massachusetts was listed in the obit, which she told me about. She also lived in Michigan, Nebraska, and the Philippines before her family settled in Rancho Cordova.

The obit quotes her saying that it turns out everything is hormones. That is so true!

It also mentions another thing I was aware of and that was her love of gardening. It said she turned the acre of land where she and her husband of 40 years, Adam, created a series of beautiful gardens. The Rose Garden, Orchid Garden, Sierra Garden, and more.

Now here’s where my surprise deepened but then some things started making sense. Well, she did have three kids, but not Stormy, Beth, and a gay son Peter. Instead, it was Annabelle, Will, and Harry. She had two brothers and two sisters.

So I’ve been talking to the wrong Patricia O on Facebook all this time?! And according to the people who left condolences on her obit, mostly patients (I added my own), Nurse Chris was Christine M. So Chris C was not the right nurse either that I once messaged. But why the hell couldn’t the wrong O tell me I had the wrong person? I know she read at least one of my first messages to her. Would it really have been hard to take the time to tell me “Sorry, wrong person?” I asked her this on Messenger instead of Facebook and she’ll get an invite to Messenger because she’s apparently not already on it. So she shouldn’t miss it.

Like I said, other things now make sense. I really thought it was her account, though, because the person also appears to love flowers and always has flowers and the types of profile and cover photos I could always see O using.

The poorly written comments I’ve seen her leaving on other people’s posts now make sense because you would think a doctor would be smart enough to write better.

The son really wasn’t kidding when he said his mother was Patricia but not a doctor. I still don’t know how the son knew who I was and why he reached out to me but I always assumed Doc O mentioned me to him if he didn’t nose into her account somehow. That was another thing I thought was weird but now that I know it wasn’t the right O, maybe it’s not so weird.

I was really surprised when her “daughter” Beth was celebrating her 45th birthday one day and realized that Doc O couldn’t have been more than 13 years old when she was born, LOL.

The constant game-playing makes sense now too. I couldn’t understand where she was getting the time so often in the middle of workdays to play on Facebook.

Holly shared more pictures but ignored my voice clips, not surprisingly. Starting to think she marked my messages as spam. More research suggests that yes, you can do that without the other person knowing. So she and Shannan probably haven’t read more than my first message to them. I know Holly at least got the first one because of her reaction when I asked her about it one time.

Anyway, although Pierce didn’t exactly say so, Tom got the impression that the house could close on the 6th. The problem with that is that there aren’t any nighttime flights available then when my schedule will be on nights. So you could say the delay eased his stress but has upped mine. Everything was lining up perfectly for me but now things are sort of in the air again. If people quit fucking up and delaying things for whatever reason, there’s no reason we can’t be gone by the 9th for sure. I’d be getting up around midnight and we’d fly out at 6. Instead of having a layover in Washington, it would be Utah, and the whole flight would be 7 hours. So by the time we got to the hotel, I would be up for 13-14 hours which is doable. 20 more days, though. That sucks. Bet the delay means one more water shut-off too. My biggest concerns are any loud vehicles or projects waking me up when I do my final flip.

Here comes the loud paper car. Tom says I only hear it because sounds travel better at night. No way. I get what he’s saying but it’s definitely loud. I wouldn’t hear our car, the Twenties car, or Gerry and Nancy’s car with things not running yet I can hear this one loud and clear with things running. It’s not motorcycle-loud but it’s loud.

THURSDAY, JUNE 17, 2021 OMG, I am SO pissed! We just went from having one week left to three weeks left thanks to delays in her house closing. 🙁 I knew things were going way too fast and too easy. Nothing is ever this simple for us. There were delays moving to Maricopa, there were delays moving in here, so why wouldn’t there be delays moving to Florida? So now June 24th has become July 9th…unless there are even more delays.

The delay is both good and bad. It’s bad because I just want to get the fuck out of here. The adjustments we had to make cost us a couple of hundred dollars. I have to do another roll here which means sleeping in the daytime and hoping the garbage trucks and other loud shit don’t wake me up. I have even longer to listen to all the planes and other shit.

It could still close a little earlier which would mean going to a motel for our final few days which would be even worse. I’d rather just stay here until the end. I have enough sleep challenges as it is.

We got a temporary mailbox in Tarpon Springs that I call Tampon Strings, LOL. The car has been delayed from being shipped, and both the hotel and flight have been bumped up, but our stuff is moving as scheduled and then they’re going to store it for us. We agreed to wrap the bins in plastic wrap, not because we worry they may drop something if the covers pop off but because it would be too easy for them to spot something they may like to have for themselves and it would be just a matter of slipping the latch, popping the cover off, and helping themselves without the wrap. We wouldn’t even know it until it was too late. This way, they would at least have to cut through the wrap.

Since most of our stuff will be gone two weeks before we get out of here, we’re just going to keep the absolute bare necessities. Just a few pieces of silverware, a couple of plates, a skillet, etc. Then we’ll pack those in the box we’re putting the fireproof safe in which looks like a small briefcase that feels like it has a rubber coating.

If there’s any good at all in this it’s that we at least have a little more time to bow to the park’s demands since it’s always those we can’t ignore that are the ones that have the most hold on us, and we do need to comply with their orders so they hopefully won’t give us a shitty reference if we need them in the future.

He’s going to get some things hauled away such as the old rusty cabinet the last people left here. So if there’s room in whatever container or truck it goes in, we’ll add some of the unwanted furniture since the housekeeper just can’t seem to get back to us and clarify what she wants and doesn’t. We can’t know for sure what she would take.

This also gives him a chance to condense his stuff even more into fewer bins which will save money.

July 9th is a traumatic date for me to remember but if we really do leave that day, it will surely be a far cry different and better than July 9th of 2014! I will have been in the West for 29 years and one month since it was on June 9th of 1992 that I left New England. It will be about two weeks shy of 14 years in California alone since we came here on July 25, 2007.

I’m finding that I just can’t get into using the Twitter account I set up for voice posts so I think I’ll scrap that idea for now. However, I’m not going to deactivate the account or spring up my old one. I just don’t use Twitter much.

I check some people on Facebook every now and then and Holly must have cancer because, for the first time in years, she’s been posting publicly for some reason. One of her posts has a picture of Get Well cards and flowers displayed in her kitchen that she got after having radiation treatment. She didn’t say what kind of cancer she had but in another post, she mentioned needing some R&R after treatment and going to Crater Lake up in Oregon. She’s in her late 50s to early 60s, so hopefully, she’ll be OK.

I didn’t say anything to her or Shannan of course because I know I’m not going to get any response. I would have thought medical professionals would be willing to communicate with former patients they haven’t seen in a while but apparently not. I’m still going to say hi to Doc A after we’ve been in Florida a while, even though I don’t even know if she’ll see it and I do know she won’t reply if she does.

Scratch that. I just left Holly a few voice messages telling her I recently lost my bestie to cancer, and I really feel for her.

I was a bad girl when I left a less-than-kind comment when I found a picture of Polly that her daughter Miranda shared of her on Instagram before I blocked her. I didn’t realize blocking someone deleted their comments, although I should have figured as much since that makes sense. Yet in the five seconds between the comment and the blocking, it was seen and reported. Then Miranda had one of her friends troll me with their own silly comments. No problem. I simply changed my username which changed the link. Of course, I got hit with a pop-up when I returned to Insta reprimanding me for trolling while they got to get away with being the hypocrites they apparently are. I could have reported them but I’m more of an ignore or block or both kind of person.

Then I hunted the friend down on Twitter. Not surprisingly, her account is private so I requested to be added and left her a tweet.

Tom found these really cool bubble mailers on Amazon that may be a great idea for if I ever have a future Etsy store that takes off. It’s a 20-foot-long thing of bubble-lined mailing material and you cut it to the exact size you need. It seems like a much better alternative to traditional mailers.

Although I’m not in a hurry for new nail stickers, I may splurge on another set. I could use something fun in the midst of all this waiting and all the headaches that come with the delay.

I don’t know if my little magnifying mirror is 10X or 20X but for 7 bucks I’ll grab a 20X. If this doesn’t help since they don’t seem to go any higher than 20X, makeup will likely be a thing of the past for me. It’s way too hard to put on! It sucks too because I’ve always liked makeup but I would rather do without that than my nail candy and perfume.

Dyed my hair burgundy again since the color in this cheap dye fades so fast. It looks so good when it’s fresh! I’ll use the last box before we go and then I won’t have any dye to move.

We decided to dismember the doll. Lol, she was definitely the dumbest purchase we ever made. Since we now have an additional trash pickup, we’ll distribute the body parts evenly. I still have the heads and wigs.

I feel like I’m totally losing control of my weight and that waking up in the 160s is just a matter of days now. I went down a couple of pounds over the course of four or five days and then in just one day put it back on. I wonder if some of it is water retention. I’m overdoing the carbs and sodium no doubt. I like the calmness I’ve been experiencing the last couple of days, though despite the frustrations going on.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16, 2021 So Juneteenth is now a federal holiday. Fucking figures. All to “celebrate” something that happened hundreds of years ago and has nothing to do with today whatsoever. Now how many more names do we have to change and what statues do we have to remove as if we could rewrite history, some of it shitty or not?

The wind must be going the wrong way because everything is so loud out there tonight. You don’t usually hear much of the freeway at this time of year but I can hear that and of course the planes. A few spurts of barking as well but as annoying and as loud as it is, at least it’s only a few barks at a time. Wish I could turn off the sound machine and air cleaner to give my ears a break. Maybe I can do that in the next place at night but not here. Here I would rather hear my shit than the rest of the world’s.

There was a mountain lion spotted near Verner yesterday. Well, we live off Verner. From the talk on the Citrus Heights pig page on Facebook, the mountain lion went to pay its respects to Bob and Virginia.

Just 8 days to go! He contacted Pierce to ask what was up and make sure everything was going on time and he said he hasn’t heard back from anybody so we’re hoping that no news is good news. What’s a bit strange is that the cleaning lady still hasn’t gotten back to us.

We’re getting groceries tomorrow for what will probably be the second to last time.

Also, instead of throwing my clothes haphazardly into trash bags, I’m rolling them up and shoving them into bags that you vacuum-seal to save space. Our stuff is easily under 4,000 pounds but it’s mostly about how much space your stuff takes up. It’s $6 for each cubic foot of space you fill.

I’ve been playing around with Instagram and getting to know it a bit more but I’m still not sure what to make of it. I don’t want to directly shoot pics to Insta so that I get a chance to review them first. Not every pic we take is a good shot. I don’t like the way they square off the images cutting off the tops and bottoms of portrait images and the sides of landscape images. I’m surprised how many people started following me after I shared the link. I guess I’ve got more readers than I realize, LOL.

It may be a good place to upload and share pics, and I definitely plan to take many along the way. Just uploaded my latest nail pic.

Got to remember to do things when we get settled like change to the new time zone on some sites I use like PB.

I talked to Bob C’s son on Facebook, the guy I first bought incense from when we lived in Maricopa that ended up going to prison. I asked the son if he could ask him if he happened to remember the name of his supplier and he replied with his number saying Bob said I could call him. I was going to at first but then decided against it. Why can’t he simply tell his son the name and have him tell me? Besides, he’s on a lifetime of intense probation and I don’t want to be associated with anyone like that. I’m sure the pigs keep tabs on all his communications.

TUESDAY, JUNE 15, 2021 At midnight there should be just 9 days left. Yes, we are now down to the single digits! Woot!!! I can now see what the weather is going to be on the day we move on my Windows weather app since it shows 8 days at once.

Something else special happens at midnight and that’s our 27th anniversary! 27 wonderful, fun, adventurous, and sometimes downright frustrating and scary years. Wouldn’t trade him for the hottest chick in the world. Beauty really is only skin-deep although I can’t imagine ever getting with him in the first place if I found him literally unattractive. Never could get into someone I personally found to be just there or ugly. So yeah, looks do still matter to a degree. Overall appearance and personality matter more to me than body parts but I know everyone’s different. I’ve met some who swear looks don’t matter and others who say body parts absolutely do matter.

Not sure yellow is my color but the coverup I got for the beach and pools fits perfectly.

Packed a little more stuff but again, we do need to live for another nine days so some things have to wait. The car gets picked up on the 21st and our stuff between the 21st and 23rd, but probably the 23rd.

I just don’t like this anxiety I’m feeling, mild or not. I’m like please tell me I’m not gonna get hit with debilitating anxiety on top of the stress and lost sleep that goes with moving! I’m overwhelmed enough and I don’t need more than I can handle thrown at me. Don’t like the mild chest pain I have now either.

I know this is just a dream but it would still be nice to be in a pet-free park even though it isn’t literally “pet-free” because service dogs are less likely to bark.

In light of the heatwave coming up, I wonder if they’re going to do any rolling power outages while I’m sleeping. God, I hope not! I still have night sweats and sleep hot enough even with the AC down to 75 instead of the usual 78 I keep it at. If there was ever a time my sleep was critical it’s now!

MONDAY, JUNE 14, 2021 Watching a particular Lifetime movie gives me one more reason to be grateful we never had kids. A woman’s neighbor called Child Protective Services on her for refusing to loan her money. I totally wouldn’t put it past the drama queen to pull sadistic shit like that. In fact, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she’s lodged phony complaints against others that have pissed her off in the past.

I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid or what but sometimes I still feel like I’m being watched online. Obviously, whoever may be watching can’t be that harmful since no one’s done anything to me but I’ve come to realize all the horrible possibilities that could come of me mixing social sites and allowing people to learn my full name along with the names of others. Once you know someone’s full name you can find out locations and all kinds of shit.

July or August is when I expect to get into our new place. I want to wait till it’s been over a year, and I don’t mean just a month or two over, so maybe I’ll make myself the termites’ Christmas present for 2022. LOL

Still feeling a bit off. I just hope to hell the anxiety isn’t going to continue to worsen and cause me to have a hell of a lot more to worry about than just being tired on moving day. I would really really hate to have horrible anxiety on what should be an exciting day, tired or not!

Due to the mounting stress and excitement, I’ve been sleeping horribly. I kept waking up a million times last time and sometimes I wasn’t sure I would be able to get back to sleep. Still have night sweats, too.

But 10 more days. Just 10 more days as long as everything goes well! We hope to learn a lot more tomorrow and have things just about completely finalized.

I just hope to hell I’m not exhausted, anxious, or feeling like shit with a racing heart or overheated with hot flashes during the actual move! It’s going to be a very long day. I’ll be getting up around 5 in the morning and a little after 10 our flight leaves. We’ll be shooting up to Seattle on a small plane before an hour layover and then flying to Florida where we should arrive after 10 p.m. ET. We’re going to fly Delta this time.

I felt fine yesterday but today I’m having mild anxiety. My supplements and nuts aren’t helping. God, I hope I’m not ramping up to another bad anxiety spell! I still hope it’s hormones but worry it’s the medication. I so totally don’t want this shit following me but I know it will. I just can’t imagine it ever going away after all this time. Then again, maybe Gennev and the other stuff are helping since I haven’t had nearly as many anxious days this month as last month. At least not so far.

Anyway, our biggest fear right now are delays that could possibly throw things off and cost us a lot more money. But it says in the contract that it’s all contingent upon her house selling. The thing that pisses me off is knowing that if they cause a problem on their end whether it’s something they could help or not, it will be at our expense and there won’t be a damn thing we can do about it.

This will be his first time in Washington as well as mine. We came pretty damn close when we took the train from Oregon on the way to the airport in Portland back in 2006. So one more state to add to my list. It reminded him of his oldest brother Raymond who died about 15 years ago. He was stationed there for a while and that’s where he met his wife Noralee. He was curious as to whether or not she was still alive, so I looked her up and from what I can tell, she is. She’s living in an apartment in Phoenix and is 80 years old.

Finally found a picture of Bob and Virginia’s grave even though there were never obituaries. They’re “stackables” and just an 8-minute drive away. Where the people in the Calvary Cemetery are just a few hundred feet away, Bob and Virginia are a few thousand feet away at the Sierra Hills Cemetery.

Tom believes they’re together in the afterlife and I still don’t know what to believe. Do they wish they could come alive, claw through the dirt and walk back home to resume living? Or are they in some other place whether that may be better or worse? Or are they simply just dead? I can’t help but wonder about these things.

Virginia once told me that Bob was telling someone that they’re living too long since many people are living longer these days. I wondered if that was a complaint or just him joking around. I’m guessing it was probably both. I got the feeling they got bored doing the same routine every day for so many years. Even I get bored in my 50s. No matter how much you may enjoy the things you do, doing them every day year after year, does have a way of getting old. I prefer to live another 20 years but this is part of why it wouldn’t hit me as hard if I was told I was going to die now as opposed to 20 years ago.

I might have stopped gaining weight but damn does it make things so much harder. It’s harder to run or do anything physical, especially anything jarring like jumping. It’s even harder to bend over to cut my toenails. But sadly, all I can do is what I’ve been doing and that’s to accept it and live with it until and if there’s ever a safe and effective breakthrough. I have zero control over my weight.

I hope the pigs are settled and happy in their new homes. Every time I take hold of a plastic bag, fry food, or run water I still expect the screaming to start.

Andy told me one of the negative things about living where he’s lived for the last 14 years is the horrible odors he has to deal with from his Asian neighbors’ cooking and especially another neighbor’s charcoal grill because it triggers his asthma. He said when he asked the woman if she would be willing to switch to a gas grill, she got so offended that she didn’t talk to him for three years. That is so, so typical too. This, along with the Phoenix freeloaders putting a complex on me after the hell they put me through, is why I won’t complain unless I really have no choice. It’s never done me any good. Well, rarely. There were a few who cared enough to consider me but for the most part, people just don’t give a shit. They either do nothing to change their ways or they spite you for complaining just like the welfare bums, Andrea at the Vista Ventana, and the office here.

Here we go with the obnoxious buzzing of either a small plane or a helicopter. 10 more days left of this shit! God, I hope so anyway. Really, really hope this doesn’t follow me. I don’t expect to hear much in the way of commercial planes there but I sure hope there aren’t many small planes or helicopters either that I can’t even go one single hour without hearing. I just want my nights back! Every other place was usually quiet at night but not here. If it isn’t the freeway, it’s something in the sky. Plus the loud paper delivery car. I hate having three sides of our place flanked by streets!

I can’t wait to give this park a piece of my mind when we’re gone but the termites are going to wait. Even if the termite doesn’t make up some bullshit story that the pigs fall for and no one comes to the door, mail could still be forwarded and I don’t want that. I’ve waited this long so I can wait another year, and besides. That’s better than the 2.5 years I’d have to wait if it wasn’t for COVID and the layoff.

We’re in for another heatwave in a few days with triple-digit temps. I really hope the AC doesn’t give us any shit!

Just put some scented oil in my diffuser. They’re a hell of a lot easier to clean than wax warmers but the only thing I don’t like is that since oil floats on top of water, the smell dissipates long before it empties out and turns off.

SUNDAY, JUNE 13, 2021 I remembered why I had “July” in my journal notes yesterday. It’s because I totally doubt I’ll make it to July without getting anxious again. I haven’t made it more than a month in a while now. I’ll know just how helpful (or not) the supplements I’ve been taking are depending on what happens over the next few weeks. I’m still doing the combination of black cohosh tea and tablets along with magnesium a couple of times a day.

We’ve booked our hotel, we’ve got our first-class tickets, and we’re about 90% packed. Oh, the happy tears that flow on and off! But the stress is ramping up along with the sadness of not having my bestie to share these moments with. We loved each other like sisters and it just sucks that she’s not here. Tom believes she somehow goes on and knows what’s going on but I don’t know what to believe. It’s one thing to believe Paris exists even though I haven’t seen it firsthand, but another to believe things that no one has seen or that may very well be just stories or the false beliefs of those who swear on them.

Here’s something pretty freaky, though. I’m listening to a book right now that deals with a woman who is dying of cancer. Well, her name is Alison and she’s 40 years old. How weird is that?! That’s freakier than the book with the pig named

So like I said, lots of stress right now. I’m excited, I’m missing Aly, but definitely stressing too. The normal kind of stress I’ve always had when something big is going on. Not the hellish anxiety I’ve experienced at the hands of my medication in menopause. They’re distinctly different feelings.

So much could go wrong right now. If there are any issues with Debbie’s house closing escrow, that could really throw things off big time for us and end up costing us thousands of dollars. If all continues to go as planned, then we now have 11 days to go!

The fireproof safe he got actually looks like a mini suitcase that feels like rubber. A metal box would be too heavy to ship, so this will be better.

Woke up a little earlier than usual. Without circadian rhythm disorder, one’s day is typically 24 hours. Mine averages 25 hours and 15 minutes. But I’ve been waking up to pee like crazy lately and if this happens within an hour of when I was going to get up anyway, I can’t always get back to sleep. So my day ended up being 24 hours and 45 minutes. I started off a little tired today but managed to perk up. I still sleep better overall and have less fatigue and lightheadedness than I did when I was in the perimenopause phase, so that’s good.

Wish we were going back in time rather than ahead. It’s gonna be a big jump in one day for one with a rolling schedule whereas if we were going back in time, I’d be on days longer. It’s funny cuz in a sense, he’s jumping into the future. I’m just going back to where I started. LOL

Another sign that I’m sleeping better in general is that I’m not remembering my dreams as much. The only dream I remember was seeing a new doctor but it was an older male instead of a younger woman. I would prefer a woman who’s not fresh out of medical school but experienced enough. I want her to have a good five years or so of experience but I’d like her to be a lot younger than me so that as long as neither of us moves, I can hope to have the same doctor for the rest of my life.

But the doctor in the dream was a guy in his late 40s and I told him I hoped he wasn’t behind because I had a lot of history to catch him up on. He kind of smiled at that and led me into the exam room where he had a small dog. I complimented the dog’s shiny collar and began to tell him of my shitty experiences with menopause and how my medication can fuel my anxiety.

“Are you a mommy?” he asked me.

I shook my head and said, “DES, you know?”

Since I seem to need to eat every three hours or so, once we get settled, I’m going to devise a meal plan where I eat about 300 calories 4 times a day. I couldn’t lose on 1200 calories a day even when I was young but if I keep gaining on that, I really have a problem!

SATURDAY, JUNE 12, 2021 Why the fuck am I sometimes chilly at 79 and sweating like a pig at 78? These are indoor temps I’m talking about. It’s starting to affect my sleep, too. My sleep is still better in general but last time around I slept like I was still in perimenopause. I didn’t just wake up warm a couple of times but I also woke up cold as well. I’m retaining a little water lately too, and I really hope my thyroid hasn’t died off some more.

So that there would be less for him to have to do, I hauled out all the totes from the bedroom and bathroom except for one big one that isn’t fully packed yet and a small one on the closet shelf that’s heavy. I put them in the living and dining area.

I don’t need my Fitbit to know I got some Zone minutes! I just really hope I can handle the move itself between the physical part of it, the heat and humidity, along with the lack of sleep! If I can pack the fan mister, I will.

I tore up our address labels and cleared the desk drawers completely along with the hutch. Not everything is in totes yet, though. We still need things to live here for the next 12 days.

I have “July” listed in my journal notes and I have no idea why. I can’t remember what is supposedly happening in July that I was going to mention tonight but anyway, Pierce says it still looks like we’re on for the 24th. Debbie has accepted our offer and now it’s just a matter of waiting until her place is out of escrow so ours can go into it.

For some reason, electric cars in Florida are much more expensive than here so we’re still on for having our car shipped. If we don’t live close to the beach, we may sell it for a gas car because even though he likes electric way better, this one doesn’t have that long of a range and couldn’t make it that far on one charge.

He had a very frustrating day today when he was trying to line up the moving pods only to learn that there aren’t any available until August. With the pandemic winding down, everyone’s moving like crazy. So after making numerous calls and being put on hold forever, he found a moving company that will pack our stuff and move us and it turns out it’s a grand cheaper than if we did it ourselves, as strange as that is.

He is a smart thinker at times for sure! He decided we should get a safe for important papers and have it shipped to a temporary address we’re going to set up. Very smart idea!

We’re almost certainly going to fly into Tampa and stay in a hotel in Clearwater which he’s also lining up. Very stressful. So much to be done! As he said, one small mistake can lead to big trouble and end up costing us thousands extra.

While he ordered the safe, I grabbed a yellow pool/beach cover-up. I have one but it’s short-sleeved and terry cloth. I wanted something a little thinner and with no sleeves at all.

He has to get his second shingles vaccine when he gets there, and of course, I have to line up new doctors as well.

Windows did an update. Now you can see the temp on the lower right side of the screen. I like that. It’s nice when there are good changes instead of bugs or the loss of handy features.

I created a third Twitter account to do voice tweets. They’re actually video tweets only I don’t show myself. It’s the best I can do directly on the site since we’re not going to get the features iPhones have.

What’s funny is that I followed Molly who followed me back and is so damn stupid she doesn’t even know who I am. Molly doesn’t care about other people’s tweets unless you’re talking about her anyway. But even though it’s the same old shit from her, it is kind of funny. I just wonder how long it will be, if ever, before my name comes up. It beats the days when she used to stalk, follow and pester me on every single site she could, including reaching out to my friends.

What I don’t get is why she remained obsessed with some people while her obsession with others died out. She quit being obsessed with Aly and me, but she sure is hung up on stalking Roman and Kathy relentlessly. She’s also complaining about some people at the group home she lives in not wanting anything to do with her.

There is always drama with her. Always. Even she admits this and says tired of being so moody and hopes her doctors and therapists can help her figure out what to do about it. I think she’s always been this way and she always will be. Some people really never do change. I can’t wait to get the hell out of here! The small planes and helicopters are driving me crazy and so are the barking spells. There are still some commercial planes but not as many at this time of year.

He prepped the ground in front and tomorrow he’ll spread the bark.

FRIDAY, JUNE 11, 2021 The latest is that Debbie’s realtor Lori “thinks” she’ll accept the deal but wants us to be the ones to take care of the ground cover in front, so Home Depot is going to be delivering 30 bags of bark tomorrow. We hate bark but it’s one of the cheapest things you can get that isn’t so heavy like the pea gravel they used to have there. It will cost $250.

We’re going to really try as hard as we can to qualify for a co-op where we can own both the land and the house and not have to be bossed around like a couple of kids.

He trimmed some of the bushes that were hanging down over onto Nancy’s place where she keeps her trash bins. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it too because they were hanging over so much that she had to pull the bins out and couldn’t push them back against the retaining wall.

Tomorrow’s the deadline and Debbie has to either accept our offer or back out. I just want to know what’s going on for sure one way or the other! But we don’t know when her house will be out of escrow and therefore when ours can go into escrow. For now, it’s at least looking very likely that we’ll be out of here in two weeks!

Went for a walk, one of the VERY few things I’ll miss. Just down to the lake and back, so I’ll need to do another 15 minutes on the treadmill at some point.

Been having fun creating my own fragrances with my oils. I mixed ylang-ylang with lavender and it smells wonderful. Maybe I’ll add a drop of patchouli next time.

We went to Rite Aid earlier and I picked up some Moscato and strawberry incense. This incense is very strong but it definitely smells like strawberries. I’ll try to save most of it for after bombings to help get that gross poisonous smell out of the air. Living in Florida we’re going to have to bomb a lot more than we do here.

Got the hiccups really bad. Bent over and swallowed two times with my head upside down and it stopped it. Works every time. :-)

I miss wearing toe rings so I ordered a set of 3 for $21. They’re silver and one has clear gemstones while another is wider with a vague floral design. Then there’s one that’s just a plain silver band.

Also ordered what should be our final set of clear plastic storage bins for the move.

So now I have just two Twitter accounts, one for what’s going on and the other for my health. Maybe I’ll create a third one for Vocaroo or just add some voice posts into my what’s-going-on account. It’s obvious Twitter is never going to come through with voice tweets for Android. ☹

Molly doesn’t seem to notice I’m gone yet, that’s how stuck on herself she is. A week after Aly cut ties with her, she checked her tweets and said that the fact that she wasn’t even mentioned told her something rather clear about the selfish drama queen.

THURSDAY, JUNE 10, 2021 OMG, there’s been TONS of barking all around here. It’s never been this bad here before and even Mrs. Twenties is getting annoyed by it. But I can’t tell who it is. Gerry? Santa? Down the street? Somewhere else? I’m so glad we’re moving even though we’re just going to the same thing…until we get soundproofed, go rural, or both.

Or maybe we’re not going to the same thing as I don’t know if I want to go to another park after all the shit I’ve experienced here. Now the fucking park is making even more demands such as needing to give them 60 days’ notice, cleaning the carport, demanding an old rusty cabinet in the back corner be moved, and ground cover in front added.

It’s all I can do to keep from going down to the office and beating the shit out of them. I don’t care if it’s just a fucking form letter! I knew things were going too well too fast and that there were bound to be obstacles. And why the fuck didn’t Pierce tell us about the 60-day thing? He emailed him but who knows how long it will be before we hear back from him?

Yesterday all he did was text us to say that it was up to us what we wanted to do with the door locks and smart switches, so we decided to take the lock in the front door which we like better, and the two smart switches.

I’m too pissed to focus on finishing this entry right now. I’ll add to it when I know more.

Update… He talked to Pierce and we offered Debbie 2K to do what she wants herself. The 60-day thing is nothing to worry about. We just have to hope she accepts our offer because she has until Friday to back out. I was worried about this too. I just sensed she might be picky even though, to be honest, her demands aren’t unreasonable. It’s just a question of whether or not she’s going to ask for more. We’re willing to go as high as 6K. It would be worth it to get the fuck out of here in 2 weeks as planned. We won’t know anything else until tomorrow but we just want to get the fuck out of here already!

That’s twice Molly has now begged me to contact Roman and Kathy who want nothing to do with her to tell them she lost her grandmother and now a cousin. Does she really think they’re going to feel sorry enough for her to want to allow her back into their lives? She is incredibly dumb and naïve! I can totally see why Aly got frustrated and cut ties with her. Everything is all about her and there’s just too much damn drama with her. She’s always angry, down, anxious, or something. Always fighting with people and stalking others.

I didn’t need that particular Twitter account anymore so I simply deactivated and I’m just going to ghost her as Aly did. She’s just too fucked in the head. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone so emotional. I hope she gets the help she needs once and for all. She could never be a true friend just like I once told Aly and I don’t want someone who basically doesn’t give a shit what’s going on with me and is only going to demand I help her stalk people that can’t stand her.

TUESDAY, JUNE 8, 2021 Got a text from Pierce saying he expects to get a report on the inspection today and he also gave us the number of the cleaning lady to verify what she wants and doesn’t want.

As I told Tom about a week ago, I doubted we would make it out of here before there was at least one more water shut-off, and sure enough, that’s exactly what’s going to happen for 6 hours on Thursday. I definitely won’t miss that and being afraid to take showers during the daytime in case they shut us off without warning!

We made what should be our final run to Goodwill and then stopped at Rite Aid. I didn’t get any sugary treats because I don’t want it fueling my anxiety or making my heart race but I did get a couple of small bottles of Pink Moscato, my new favorite. I still love Merlot but hate the way it stains my teeth.

I also got a travel-size bottle of powder for when we’re between homes.

Tom said he was checking out a petless park’s blog where they left a post saying they understand they’ve been getting complaints about service dogs but there’s nothing they can do about them. Yeah, funny how there’s never anything they can do about anything. Either way, I know there’s no escaping the dogs no matter where we go. They’ve been an issue for me since the 90s. Why would that change anytime soon? They’ve just been more of an issue in most other places than here. What I dread most is ending up next to someone who lets their dogs bark out of their lanai or open windows every time someone goes by or they hear something. Even with the soundproofing, I don’t wanna have to hear that shit when I’m outside. This last year has been the barkiest here, mostly thanks to Gerry’s mutt and one down the street. Plus there are Santa’s dogs.

We learned that it’s called a lanai if the porch is screened and a Florida room if it’s got regular windows. I guess I would prefer a Florida room because that would add space to the house.

Had a funny dream about Stacey last night. I went to see her for some reason and was told I would have to wait. The later she was the more I worried I would have to see someone else but then I was told she was 120 miles from Earth. Apparently, she had flown into space either to investigate life on other planets or what planets may be habitable.

MONDAY, JUNE 7, 2021 I miss having more alone time. Not 12 hours a day but 4-6 hours would be nice. I only get that if he’s sleeping when I’m up, though, and I only get to wake up alone like 3 times in a row or something like that.

It really is as if life has become one big waiting room that I spend 80% of my time in as I wait for my life to one day come to an end. I just want a fucking closing date already! And I want clarification as to whether or not we can leave unwanted furniture and other items behind. I was laughing at Tom for wanting to gather hazardous wastes when that would be doing their job for them since someone’s supposed to come through and clean the place anyway, but there are other legalities to consider. Once the house closes, it’s no longer our house and therefore we have no say in anything anymore.

She has until the end of the week to change her mind and I hope to hell she doesn’t! I just want to get this the fuck over with while I’m feeling mostly human. Felt okay yesterday and so far today, so good. I saw a video where an English doctor discusses some symptoms of menopause that can be serious and one of them was headaches which I was lucky enough not to have a problem with. Then there was heavy bleeding, bloating, etc. Then came severe mood swings like anxiety and depression, again giving me hope that it’s not on the medication and that I’ll one day walk away from this for good. For “unlucky” women, it can last 8-10 years, and I assume the clock starts upon entering perimenopause.

Well, if most of my problem has been extreme hormonal fluctuations then I am one of the unluckiest women out there because it has been so intense and so horrible! It has really ruined so much of what would otherwise be a pretty decent life. My worst problems should have been noise, sleep issues, hot flashes, and boredom. Not feeling like I was going to die or so bad that I wished I would.

She said OTC remedies are great for general anxiety and depression but they won’t do much good for severe cases which need help. Yeah, help that doesn’t include intolerable side effects. I can’t really say for sure if the black cohosh and magnesium are helping or not but it seems like it might be at least a little. She also explained why and how the menopause belly is formed and why diet and exercise are usually worthless. Instead, we just have to avoid the kinds of food and drink that aren’t good for us.

We ordered some more black cohosh tablets from Amazon along with tea. This is the brand Kim takes.

Also, I really like clear cosmetic bags so I can see what I have packed in them, especially if they’re not too big. So I decided to get a set of them. I got a set of seven bags each with different color trim. I can use them for other things besides traveling.

I noticed that the red spots on my leg have faded. One of them still feels a bit thick, slightly raised, and occasionally it itches but it’s definitely faded.

We’re having a cool spell now which is bringing out the planes, of course, but I should be sleeping when they’re at their worst. I’m about to make my last flip while we’re here.

I guess Nancy isn’t fully moved in yet after all. No one stayed there overnight.

Every time I swear off OD for good, I end up missing it. I like having a place where I simply share but don’t socialize. This way I can be a little more open without people giving me shit. I just have to create new accounts each month.

I continue to be both baffled and saddened by the world in general, our laws in particular. I fear for the future of women’s rights even though they don’t affect me personally. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Roe versus Wade was overturned. Yes, people are that cruel, twisted, delusional, and downright controlling. They will do anything in the name of their crazy bullshit God and religion. I just hope that if it does come down to most if not many women being unable to get access to abortions they leave the unwanted babies on the doorsteps of the strangers who decided for them that they had to have them if they’re not going to be smart enough to get rid of them on their own, and yes, there are ways. Seriously, though, they should leave notes saying that they were financially, physically, or emotionally unable to care for them but since it was so damn important to these lawmakers that they are born, why don’t they but foot the bill and do the rearing?

Also, I still don’t understand for the life of me why those convicted of any kind of sexual offense are let out to repeat what they cannot deny themselves until they’re finally stopped for good. How many more decades of research and experience do we need to show us that the tiger never changes its stripes and that they are beyond rehabilitation?

SUNDAY, JUNE 6, 2021 Yesterday turned out to be both interesting and shitty. The shitty part was how horrible I felt at the end of my day but the interesting part was what the termite inspector found. He didn’t mention the T-word, which is good but he surprised us with something else. We were making small talk when he was done with his inspection and he noticed the old books on the bottom shelf of the bookcase. We told him they were left by the previous owner. He’s a history buff, so I told him to help himself to whatever he wanted since we’re leaving the books behind. He took one book and then on his way out he asked how long we lived here. We told him it was coming up on 8 years and he then asked if we ever had a dog and we said no.

“There’s a dog down there,” he told us. “A Chihuahua. The skeletal remains of one.”

I was shocked. I don’t know how he could tell it was a Chihuahua but that’s what he said. I’ve racked my brains trying to figure out how it could have gotten there and not one possible scenario makes sense. My biggest question is how did the last inspector that went into the crawl space miss it? Plus the one that inspected the place when we moved in.

One possibility is that one of the previous owners didn’t feel like burying it when it died and so they dragged it under the house. But then wouldn’t the smell of decomp stink no matter what time of year?

Another possibility is that it got trapped down there when the opening to the crawl space happened to be open which would be the only way it could get down there in the first place. But then wouldn’t people hear it barking?

Another possibility is that it was buried there before the house was brought in in 1984. But then wouldn’t even the bones be gone by now?

Regardless, it made me wonder right away if there could be a connection to why I’ve felt so bad here, but Tom laughed and said he doubted the spirit of a dead Chihuahua was affecting me. Yeah, realistically, I doubt it too, along with there being any connection to the cemetery nearby. Although a hell of a lot smaller, we’ve lived closer to cemeteries before where our lives were pretty damn good.

Anyway, it ended up being the same old shit…heart racing, feeling warm, feeling breathless, and then tired. I know that these can be symptoms of heart disease except I don’t have any other symptoms and my heart has been listened to recently. Then there’s the fact that just under 5 years ago I had a stress test and an EKG. So there shouldn’t be anything wrong with my heart despite my family history and my high cholesterol and blood pressure. In another decade, maybe. But now? Probably not.

I’m just tired of feeling like shit so often and how nothing I do to try to help myself seems to make much of a difference. It’s really sucking the life right out of me. My life could be damn near perfect if I just didn’t have this interfering with things. Every day I wake up and wonder if my own mind and body are going to torture me. And I wonder the same damn things I’ve been wondering for years now…how much could be changing hormones versus the medication? I feel like this hell will never end and I worry and wonder how I’m going to manage such a big move feeling so bad so often.

By the end of next week, we should have a moving date because that’s how much time she has to decide whether or not to back out. She better not! I just want to get this over with because I know some of the stress has to be coming from that. I just want to get settled in the new place, wherever it is! We’re hoping to get the moving pods around the 18th, get out of here and into a hotel on the 23rd, close on the 24th, and fly out on the 25th, but life isn’t usually what we plan it. As it is, things have been going so amazingly fast so far that I fear the carpet being yanked from under our feet any second now.

Aly has been gone a month now and there is still a horrible hole in my heart and my life without her. No one can ever replace Alison P. When I learned of the dog I wished I could share it with her and see what her opinion was. It’s hard not being able to share this whole process of moving with her.

Nancy is now moving in. I wish she’d waited till we got out of here just in case she’s a company or project junkie. But then she’ll probably be a good neighbor because we’re moving.

I had a nightmare that woke me up 2 hours after I crashed which definitely didn’t help my mood and makes me wonder. In the dream, I was crouched on a cement walkway by a river. Tom was sitting on a chair nearby when I spotted a raccoon in the water. But then it hopped up onto the walkway and I noticed the end of its nose was flat like a pig’s. It looked like a possum with a blunt nose. It stood right by me and I was afraid to move not knowing how it might react. I told Tom to get up and scare it off but he just sat there silently. Then I lost my balance and tumbled into the river. The water was icy cold and had a surprisingly strong current that pulled me away from the edge of the walkway and toward a waterfall. Yet despite knowing I was going to drown, Tom remained speechless and motionless as if he were in shock.

Then I had weird dreams like suddenly realizing I was riding my bike without pants on and hoping my shirt was long enough to hide it.

Then I was sitting at the side of a street just outside a friend’s house that was around the corner from mine. I was there to show support after some people in the neighborhood had picked on her. She stepped out for a minute to dump trash but if she saw me, she didn’t say anything. Then I realized it was stupid of me to be out there because I was opening myself up to trouble if the troublemakers decided to visit her, so I quickly gathered the bowl of popcorn I’d been eating and scurried off to my place.

When I entered what was the kitchen of my house, I asked Alexa to turn on the lights. Not surprisingly, she asked if she was talking to me since I wasn’t using my regular voice. I was trying to keep my voice down so as not to disturb anyone else in the house.

SATURDAY, JUNE 5, 2021 Pierce came by yesterday and answered our questions. He also was kind enough to give us a gift. A box of the best brownies I’ve ever had in my life. They were absolutely fantastic! We still don’t have an exact date but it will likely be in about 3 weeks from now that will be gone.

Today is critical because it’s termite inspection day and that could really throw a kink in our plans, so fingers crossed!

I don’t know if this is a matter of routine or not but they restocked the flyers attached to our for-sale sign.

When I saw that Dahl had backed his truck out onto the street yesterday I thought, Oh no, I’m not going to get out of here before I have to listen to that fucking saw again, assuming he was having lumber delivered. Instead, he was just having decorative rocks delivered to place alongside his carport.

Again I caught Joe at the mailboxes and he asked about next door and I told them they both died and that their daughter Nancy would be moving in soon.

So I got a meme from Andy about being black for the month. rolls eyes and sighs frustratedly I was wondering when the race shit would start. I suppose next is God? Some people really do never change. I’ve gone Aly on him. Meaning, I’m just ignoring it. I don’t know if he’s just that forgetful or just doesn’t care but I’ve made it clear numerous times what I’m into and what I’m not yet it seems to go in one ear and out the other. Same old Andy in that respect. I’ll just ignore what doesn’t interest me. No point in wasting my time yet again asking that he refrain from sharing anything pertaining to the topic. And I’m not obligated to defend myself as to the reasons why either. We’re never going to see eye-to-eye on that issue so why bother?

FRIDAY, JUNE 4, 2021 I keep forgetting to mention that I once read that you may not feel the effects of a massive overdose of levothyroxine for 11 days after taking it. This is why I wonder if it's connected to why I don't always feel better right away when I skip doses.

Battling weight with Hashimoto’s and menopause is a real bitch. I'm fighting tooth and nail to keep from becoming more than 30 lbs overweight and I still think in the end it's going to be a losing battle until and if they ever come up with a safe and effective way to counteract it. For now, I'm just going to up the exercise and lessen the snacks. Gotta go easy on the nuts, beneficial or not, because they are fattening.

Pierce is coming to do a final “walk-through” as he put it in his text message at 11. But we thought final walk-throughs weren't done until closing time? Well, we’ll find out because we do have some questions for him. Hopefully, we can get a moving date today!

Christy was out mapping the trees and shrubs which they routinely do when someone moves. She's such a sweetheart compared to Joy.

We're still weighing the pros and cons between the Gulf Coast versus the Atlantic Coast. The Atlantic has more to offer as far as homes for sale, stores, restaurants, and doctors, but there are more people and it's more expensive there. We considered starting off on the Atlantic side and if we were unable to find anything by the time our car was shipped to us a week later, we might drive across to the Gulf side. It's just that with an electric car, it would be a hell of a long drive because we would have to stop along the way to charge it. Plus we would have to go a little out of our way because there are no chargers available on the quickest route.

THURSDAY, JUNE 3, 2021 The AC is fixed! It was 101 degrees when it crapped out on us. Turns out it was a blown fuse. It cost us $175 which was around what we were expecting. The guy was able to come out just after 10.

It was the first time I was actually glad for the big high-low swings drier climates have otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to keep the place from going above 86 degrees later in the day. Either way, I miss evaporative coolers. I definitely prefer fresh air and open windows (when I can stand the noise) to air conditioning.

Yesterday I felt so good. The only thing spoiling it was knowing that it was the exception and not the norm. I’d like to think the mix of black cohosh, Gennev magnesium, and now Brazil nuts are helping to stabilize my mood but it’s too soon to jump to that conclusion.

When I realized my heart beating harder as it has lately could be due to not exercising as much, thanks to being tired, I began making a point of working out more consistently no matter how I feel, even if I have to do it in spurts. So back to a half-hour a day most days of the week!

Forgot to say that we’re not going to stay in a hotel the entire time we’re waiting to get into a house. That would be ridiculously expensive. It’s just that we would prefer to check out places you rent by the month in person. Better to see things with your eyes than go by what you see online and be stuck there.

I’ve been putting together a packing list of all the things we’ll need to take with us. OMG, all the mixed emotions! I’m so excited and so happy to be getting out of here that I feel my eyes sting with tears of joy. Then they’re quickly replaced with ones of sadness because I can’t share everything that’s going on with Aly. I still miss her immensely. There will be times I’ll look at the clock and think, she should be home from work now and just about ready to check in on Skype.

We both disabled the option of being able to be looked up on Skype, just in case the termites try to contact us in the future as I reckon they will.

I just wish my dreams would give me an idea of where in Florida we should go! So much for being psychic lately, although I will be correct on some details that either came to me and dreams or that I sensed while awake. We’re going to just have to pick a place and go. There is a house on the Gulf side I’m interested in but I don’t expect it to be available by the time we get there.

Wish I knew our moving date for sure! Wonder if we’ll get out of here before they turn the water off again. They should have had time to go over the inspection report so I’m guessing we’ll hear from them soon. I guess the dryer vent isn’t up to code as far as its placement and they want it run through the wall instead of the floor. The question is how much of it we’ll have to do ourselves versus being able to pay for her to do it. We’d rather give her more money to do it herself than save money by having to do it ourselves. We just want to get the fuck out of here already!

I caught Joe driving by, so I ran down to pick up the mail from him and he mentioned us moving and we chatted a bit. I told him to look me up on Facebook if that was his thing but he said it wasn’t really. Yeah, I kind of can’t see Joe doing Facebook.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 2, 2021 Again with the skunks waking me up. Fucking ridiculous. We can’t get out of here fast enough! Especially now that our AC crapped out on us. OMG, what horrible timing! I hope to hell he’s right in thinking it’s a simple fix and that we don’t have to replace the whole damn thing. I would absolutely HATE to lose 5K just so we could basically buy HER a new AC. Her as in Debbie, the lady that bought our place. She came around with the inspector yesterday.

The inspector was nice for an inspector. Even though it took a few hours after he left for the AC to quit, I really hope he wasn’t somehow responsible. The biggest thing is that we’re out hundreds at most and not thousands.

Turns out a couple of drain pipes are leaking and there are tons of dryer lint and leaves underneath the house. We knew about the dryer lint. The people that inspected the place for us eight years ago told us about it but we weren’t worried because there’s no source of ignition down there that could start fires.

Debbie also had the inspector measure the rooms which she said would be for furniture. She’s going to have the place painted before she moves in. She was smartly dressed (a lesbian?) with a beautiful diamond necklace that must have cost a fortune, and after living in her nearly half a million-dollar home for 37 years, we’re guessing she has a lot of money. It’s going to be just her and her two cats, just like Nancy.

She asked that we leave the bench swing on the patio, and we had planned to leave that along with the table Bob gave us. I get the impression she’s going to pay for what she wants to be done but we don’t know for sure because we’re not familiar with the whole process and all that. I just worry that she may be the type to demand this and that at the last minute like the couple that bought our Phoenix house did. I sure hope not! So we don’t know for sure who’s paying for what and what the costs are going to be. I would just hate to lose a good chunk of the sale money! Her place is in escrow and she can’t pay us until she receives the money from the sale of her house. Right now it’s still looking like we’re going to leave at the end of the month. It just can’t come fast enough!

Thanks to his smart thinking, we’re not going to stay at a vacation rental but just get into a hotel instead. We would hate to rent a place for a couple of months just to find it’s noisy or there’s something wrong with it and not be able to get out right away. Yes, it’s the offseason but that doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be college kids on break that are partying it up or something like that in vacation rentals or large rowdy families.

Anyway, he ran and got the portable AC out of the storeroom. Thank God we got that thing! In about 10 minutes, he had it in the bedroom window. He stayed up late and left me a message telling me not to freak by the open windows, reminding me that he sprayed not long ago. Bugs are the least of my concerns now. It’s how much money we’re going to lose that I’m worried about. He called someone but they didn’t get back to him because it was just after five. As I said, this is horrible timing in many ways. We’re just days away from moving, we’re having a heatwave, and it was at the end of the day. Right now, after 4 a.m., it’s a chilly 74 in the bedroom and a comfy 77 outside of it. The breeze feels nice. 77 is too warm for sleeping, though. 75 with a fan is doable but even that’s a bit warm. I sleep best at 68 to 72 but I don’t expect to ever be in temps that low again except for maybe a few days out of the year where we’re going.

Been looking at places on both sides of the state and right now there’s an older house in a small town listed as being in a “low” noise zone with nothing behind it and it’s definitely more appealing even if it’s a little more expensive than the Ormond Beach one that was a much newer house. Houses are selling like crazy now so I don’t expect them to be on the market when it comes time. No matter how great that soundproofing material that was designed by NASA may be, I would really prefer to get a little breathing room around us and not be so tightly flanked by streets and houses like the park the newer house is in.

We ran out to Safeway before the inspector came and Marie checked in after I posted a journal entry. But it showed that she made two page views so maybe one of them was a story chapter. I post a chapter when I get up and one toward the end of my day. I’ll do this until I have all my books posted in my second account.

I didn’t have any anxiety yesterday but my heart beat a little hard for a while. I’m hoping it’s only because I’ve gotten a little out of shape from being too tired to work out.

We ordered the Brazil nuts which I figured Safeway wouldn’t have. They will arrive today. Fucking $15 for a pound.

TUESDAY, JUNE 1, 2021 This is the second time Walmart didn’t have Brazil nuts. I’ve heard and read good things about them having positive effects on those with anxiety or depression because of their high selenium content. Later we’re going to go to Safeway and look there but also just to get out. We’ll do this before the inspector arrives at 10. Going to pick up some wine and the mints I forgot to get with our last order.

I did get a mix of other nuts high in serotonin and that seemed to boost my mood unless it was just a coincidence. I spent most of the day on edge but didn’t actually get anxious. I also had a turkey bacon wrap which has tryptophan.

Kim told me that once she started the black cohosh, the hot flashes stopped soon but it actually took weeks for the anxiety to dissipate. She doesn’t remember exactly how many weeks, though. That’s a little encouraging, I guess. I still take one before bed but I haven’t taken one at the beginning of the day. Instead, I’ve had black cohosh tea.

I don’t know if I should hold off on the magnesium until 4 hours after taking my medication or not but I’m going to anyway since my mood tends to be worse later in my day. I got up 3 hours ago, so I’ll take it in another hour or two. They recommend one to four capsules and I’ve been taking two so far.

Really hope the inspection goes well today! I noticed we’re not listed on Lyon anymore but we’re still on Coldwell Banker.

Marie hasn’t read me for the last couple of days and I also haven’t updated my public journal in a couple of days. So I wonder if her absence is because she’s not interested in the stories which I have shared, or if she’s just been busy over the long holiday weekend. I’m gonna stop coding stories so I know that whoever shows up on my report visited my journal.

Found this really nice 2005 place that’s incredibly cheap for a house that young in a tiny park that doesn’t seem to allow motorcycles. The only negative is that it’s right by the pool. There is a utility shed between the house and pool but since it’s not very wide, it wouldn’t block any loud laughter or visiting brats.

It’s in Ormond Beach which seems to be a nice place as it has everything we could need.

I told Tom I hope the manager isn’t like Joy or Stacey wherever we end up, but as he pointed out, they likely will be. Certain people get into those types of jobs for the same reason most cops become cops…because they’re control freaks who need to feel powerful and all that shit.

That’s the only thing that sucks about going to a park. We couldn’t complain to management if God forbid we had a problem with anyone since they’d just spite us for it. But then sometimes it really is better to take care of your problems on your own and not have others do it for you as I still think we should have in the past.

Since he and I have known each other, we’ve only flown four times. To Laughlin once, Florida twice, and Hawaii once. This may be our last flight since we don’t need to fly to where the ships are for cruising unless we go on a helicopter.

Had a dream I lived in a neighborhood somewhere along with Marie and a couple of other Valleyhead “sisters.” Tom and I were really busy gathering stuff for the bulk pickup and doing some heavy cleaning as well. One of the sisters (Marsha C?) approached me and asked if she could talk to me. Because I was busy I asked how long it would take.

“Well, more than 3 minutes,” she said.

I said, “Alright, I can always make time for a sister. What’s up?”

“The baby,” she said looking at me disdainfully along with Marie and someone else.

I quickly became both irritated and frustrated to be confronted about something I said to another sister about a baby that was perceived as negative as if I was discouraging someone from having one or something like that. Wishing I told her it had to wait, I simply said, “Look, I can’t undo what I said, and besides, don’t we all have a right to our opinion?”

Then I looked at Marie and wanted to ask how she went from being totally obsessed with me to always ignoring me.

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