#julie please continue to not know who i am im fucking begging

[myattman]

Some college girls saw me singing along to a song from so much for stardust and invited me to sit w them so I'm doing that now. They're under 21 and I graduated w their waitress who does not (thankfully) seem to recognise me. Insane fucking things happening to me already tonight and the show still has not started

[littlemissvincentvega]

the accident (vincent vega x reader)

“Fuckfuckfuck!!” The car swerves as your dumbass boyfriend yanks the steering wheel left, and you go screeching down the road. You grip the passenger seat for dear life with one hand, the other clamped on the roof handle-- Vincent had just accidentally shot a fucking stranger.

“Baby, I’m tellin’ ya, next time we go to Euro Disney you need to try a Royale with Cheese--”

You scowl at him. “Vince, for the last goddamn time, I’m fucking vegetarian.”

He puffs and blows. “Suit yourself.”

The two of you were parked in a McDonald’s parking lot chomping down on a midnight snack. He had arrived home from a job at just before 11pm, and after lazing about in bed complaining about being hungry, Vincent had driven you both to the nearest cheap drive-thru. 

“The fuck is this you’ve put on?” he sniffs, fiddling with the radio.

“It’s the radio,” you sigh, and he gives you a look. “Fuck you.”

He puts a hand on your thigh, mindlessly stroking his thumb along it as he concentrates on his fatass burger. You do the same with your fries, your right hand over his. There’s always something calming about eating junk food in the car together, and it’s something you and Vince did fairly often. Content in that moment, you gaze up at the blackened sky, when--

“Can you shut your fucking mouth when you’re eating please?” you huff, jerking your head round at him. His cheeks are stuffed with food, and he looks at you, eyes wide and offended.

“What?!” he spits, bits of food spewing through the air.

You cringe at him. “Oh my god, just chew with your mouth shut, you’re driving me nuts!”

“Christ, sorry.”

Not feeling so hungry any more, you dump your leftover fries in Vincent’s lap and rest your head on his shoulder. “Thanks for my food.”

“Mhm,” he mumbles, chewing. “Baby, wanna go for a little walk before we head home?”

“Sure,” you grin, kissing his cheek.

After he’s finished snacking, Vincent steps out of the car and comes round to your side, opening the door for you like a true chauffeur. He offers you a hand, smirking, and as you take it, kisses yours. You giggle, letting him spin you around in a dance, and take his hand. “Honey, you’re hot,” he says, followed by a long, rumbling burp and a childish giggle.

“Jesus, Vince,” you grin, shutting the car door and dragging him across the street. Living in Burbank had its perks, one of them being super close to the beach-- midnight walks along the shore were the reason Vincent thought he was a (as he put it) ‘natural romantic’. Bearing in mind this was the same guy who gave you all the gory details of when he accidentally blocked up Jules’ toilet. “C’mon, I wanna go walk along the shore.”

“Of course, baby.”

You excitedly lead him down to the beach, kicking off your shoes (there was nobody else on there) and feeling the cold sand between your toes. He does the same, bending down to take off his socks while you skip closer to the shore, shivering from the slight chill of the night. Not a minute passes and he jogs down, joining you. “Nights like these, huh,” he smiles, letting you cling to his arm as the two of you slowly walk along the beach. “Natural romantic, I told ya.”

“Sure,” you giggle. As the two of you enjoy your little stroll and have one of your mindless conversations, you tug on his sleeve. “Did you bring your gun?”

“Uh huh, why?”

“Just in case.”

With a smug look on his face, Vincent pulls out his gun and suddenly grabs you, pulling you close to him and prodding it against your waist. “I’m takin’ you captive,” he giggles.

You roll your eyes, smirking. “Why?”

His grip on you softens for a moment while he thinks. “Uh... havin’ too good a tits?” he grins, giving one of them a squeeze.

“Sleaze.”

“Aw, c’mon baby, you know I’m not with ya for your tits!” he protests. “I mean, you’re good at blowjobs too!”

“I know,” you smirk. “Anyway, you can’t shoot me, I’d stamp on your throat as a ghostie.”

“You wanna bet?” 

“No, I fucking don’t!”

Vincent chuckles to himself. “Suit yourself.” He fucks about with his gun as the two of you begin a steady walk back to the car, throwing it between his hands like a child-- it was as if he was trying to make himself look like an idiot.

“How old are you?” you scoff.

“Old enough to be your da-” he begins, but is interrupted by a deafening BANG! that almost knocks you off your feet. Looking at each other in horror, you and Vincent slowly turn to the man the bullet hit-- he’s sprawled on the sand, not moving.

“Vince...”

Your boyfriend looks around frantically. “Fuck, oh fuck, baby, what the fuck did I do?!” he panics, pacing back and forth. Luckily for you two, there’s nobody else to be seen, though you’re both spattered with blood (and a little bit of brain). After locking eyes with him for a couple of seconds, your instincts kick in and you grab his hand, running as fast as you can back to the car and dragging him behind you. He swings the car door open for you. “Get in, quick, baby,” he ushers, scanning the area.

As the car screeches around the corner, Vincent fumbles around the side compartment and yanks out his cellphone, shoving it in your hands without looking. “Call Jules, tell ‘im to tell Marsellus what the fuck just happened ‘cause no way am I gettin’ fuckin’ caught, nuh-uh, not today,” he rambles.

“Shut up and focus on not crashing the fucking car,” you say, dialling Jules’ cell. It doesn’t take long for him to pick up, like usual. “Jules? Can you hear me?”

“Vince, it’s fuckin’ one in the mornin’, fuck you, man, the fuck d’you want?!”

“Nonono, it’s me, it’s (Y/N), we’re in a situation, Vincent just shot a guy by accident again and told me to call you!”

You hear him sigh. “Shit. Where are you?”

“I don’t know, we drove off as soon as we could, uh, there’s like, blood all on us and stuff, I’m freaking out, he’s driving like a maniac, I don’t know what to do!” you cry, your breaths becoming hitched. 

“Alright, alright, be cool, (Y/N), I’ll call Marsellus now and tell him what the fuck happened. Tell that dumb motherfucker to go home and wait there.”

Anxiously, you gulp. “I will.”

“You cool?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, sweetie. Stay cool. I’m callin’ Marsellus right now, okay? Tell that fucker to drive safe.”

“I will,” you say. “Thanks Jules, bye.”

“What did he say?” Vincent asks, a little bit calmer than before. 

“He said he’s calling Marsellus now, and that we should drive home and wait there and you need to drive safely and I need to be cool.”

“Fair enough. I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s cool. I’m cool, we’re cool.”

The usually five minute drive home seems so long and drawn out with the panic you two are in, but soon enough he pulls up in his usual parking space, slamming his foot on the brake and jerking you both forward. Without a word, the two of you immediately get out and speedwalk (arm in arm, ain’t no situation gonna kill your romance) into the apartment complex he lives at, then dash to the elevator. As the doors close, you both let out sighs of relief, looking at one another tiredly. “The fuck did we just do, baby?” 

“I don’t know, it’s scary,” you sniffle, clutching onto his hand timidly. He rubs his thumb against your hand, looking at you with a layer of guilt in his eyes-- Vincent never wanted to hurt you. True, he could be an insensitive asshole sometimes, but it was never his intent to upset you.

“I’m sorry, honeypie, it’ll be fine, it always is, huh?” he assures you, and the elevator doors open at the seventh floor. Hurriedly, he heads to his apartment (no. 52) and fumbles with his keys, trying to unlock the door. You trail behind him and as he opens the door, follow him into the apartment, still anxious. “So, uh, the fuck did Julie say again?” he asks.

The two of you go to his bedroom (well, your bedroom, as you always say, seeing as you stayed there often enough it was practically home) and you join him in sitting on the end of the bed. “We just have to wait at home, I think?”

“Alright.” He wraps his arm around you, pulling you close. “I’m really sorry, lemonpie.”

“It’s fine, I just feel bad for the fucker you shot.”

“Why?”

You look up at him, scowling. “Vince, he’s a fucking person, that’s why!”

“Oh, yeah.”

Vincent was a sweetheart really, but he always found new ways to surprise you with his dumbassery. “God, look at your hair, look at all that shit-- let me comb it, babe, please!” you beg, burying your head in his neck and kissing it softly.

“Fuckin’ Christ, alright,” he huffs, and you jump up, fetching the comb from his en-suite. With a grin on your face, you kneel behind him on the bed, dragging the comb through his knotted, greasy (and not to mention bloody) locks. “Hey, not so violent, baby!” he cringes.

“Should’a thought of that before you chewed with your mouth open,” you retort.

“I said I was so--” he begins, but you flick the back of his head with a smirk. “Y’know, you’re bein’ a real little shit tonight.”

“You’re the one who shot an innocent stranger.”

“How the fuck d’you know he was innocent?!” he says defensively, turning around to face you. “I could’a done the world a favour there!”

“Well we’ll never know because you didn’t give the bastard a chance!”

Defeated, he turns back around, miffed. “It was only an accident,” he mutters under his breath. 

“Are you done complaining yet?”

“I’m not complainin’, I--”

You cut him off again with a flick to the back of his head, and continue combing out the clots of blood, cringing at the state of it. “Yuck, I think I need to wash your hair, this isn’t pretty.”

“No way, if fuckin’ Marsellus gets here or some other fucker workin’ for him and sees you washin’ my hair like I’m a baby, I’ll look like--” he splutters, trying to think of a word, “--like a fuckhead!”

“You looked like one before you shot that guy, you looked like one while you shot him, and you look like one now,” you retort.

He huffs. “Whatever, just fuckin’ wash it, I don’t even care. In fact, why don’t ya make it bright pink while you’re at it? Make me look even more fuckin’ stupid?”

“I’m tempted, but it’s not worth the effort,” you smile, hopping off the bed. “Wait there, babe.” Grinning to yourself at the opportunity, you head to the kitchen and fill up a large bowl (that you’d usually use for popcorn) with warm water. Sure, it had been overall pretty traumatic, but laughter was the best medicine, right? Giggling, you return to the bedroom and Vincent’s face drops.

“I’m not a fuckin’ dog!”

“I know, I love dogs. C’mon,” you say, placing the bowl on the floor, “dip your hair in, let me baptise you.”

“Fuckin’ Christ. Y’know what? Fine, just ‘cause I complained at you earlier and I’m a good boyfriend,” he growls, yanking off his jacket and leaving it in a scruffy pile on the bed. He lays on the floor and lets you gently dunk his hair in the bowl, then you squirt a little shampoo on his hair, massaging the blood from it. He quietens down after this, and it seemed to you like he was actually really relaxed by it-- you peek round his shoulder and see his eyes closed in contentment.

“You like it?”

“Mhm. Feels nice.”

Smiling, you run the comb through his hair again, and the blood seems to be coming out nicely-- though the moment is ruined when the door swings open and Winston Wolfe (along with Jules) struts in, followed by a burst of laughter. “Christ, Vega, is this a ladies’ salon?” Winston titters, and Vincent lets out a tired sigh.

“No!”

Jules can hardly contain himself. “Jeez, man, I was gonna leave it to Mr. Wolf to deal with this and go back to sleep, but man am I glad I came along!”

“It’s not fuckin’ funny!”

“Actually, it is,” smirks Winston. He looks across at you. “Honey, you wouldn’t fetch me a coffee, would ya?”

“No problem, Mr. Wolfe. Lots’a cream, lots’a sugar?” you grin, and he nods approvingly. This wasn’t the first time you’d met him and it sure as hell wouldn’t be the last time, not with Vincent’s stupidity. As you totter off to the kitchen, Vincent stands up, scrubbing his hair sheepishly with a towel.

“She made me let her do it,” he mutters, giving the two guys a look.

“Hey, hey, leave the lovely lady alone. That girl just watched you shoot some innocent motherfucker and offered to wash that shit out your hair, so be fuckin’ grateful,” Winston growls. 

“Yeah, man, you want me to tell her you been shit talkin’ her?” Jules taunts.

“Fuck you, man, I wasn’t shit talkin’ her, fuck you!!” 

“Alright gentlemen, stop with the arguing and let me figure somethin’ out,” says Winston. “So, uh, bet it’s been a while since you’ve had shampoo on that greasy mop’a yours, huh?” 

Jules chuckles and, cursing under his breath, Vincent storms out to the kitchen, where you’re stirring the guys’ coffees. “Baby, tell ‘em to stop makin’ fun of me,” he whines, leaning against the counter.

“Christ, Vince, I’m not your mother, this isn’t a playdate!” you exclaim, rolling your eyes. It shuts him up for a moment.

After looking rather docile, he shuffles over to you. “Can I have a cuddle or somethin’?” he mutters.

“What was that?” you tease, putting a hand behind your ear.

He clears his throat. “Can I have a cuddle?”

Smiling, you wrap your arms around him, letting him cradle you. The two of you stand there swaying gently, his chest rising up & down beneath your head, and he lets out a sigh. Feeling guilty about the whole situation, Vincent squeezes his eyes shut. “I love you, honeypie,” he mumbles.

“I love you too,” you grin, stepping on your tiptoes and kissing his cheek. 

“Aaaawwwwwwwwww,” a voice says, and you turn to see Jules and The Wolf standing in the doorway, cackling away to themselves. “Love’s young dream,” Winston smirks. 

Almost instantly, Vince lets go of you and goes into defensive mode. “Fuck you man, fuck you!”

“No, it’s rather sweet, really. You love your little lady.”

“I know, shut up!” he complains, avoiding their eyes. “Can we just sort this shit out please?”

“Hold your fuckin’ horses, I need my coffee,” says Winston, smiling at you as you pass it him. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

“No problem, Mr. Wolfe,” you smile.

“Oh, and good job on that asshole’s hair,” he adds, nodding at Vincent, who can’t help but snap.

“Fuck you!” 

[crystal-cloudy]

ranting ranting ranting of intrusive thoughts, dont respond (i know i know, im posting it on social media so i’m begging for attention. i’m really not, i just need a place to write this down so that there’s a record of it, but not super close to memory like in my notes or google drive, so. tumblr)

I cannot get it out of my head that my boyfriend is going to break up with me, or that he doesn’t really want me, I’m just a way for him to waste time. I ask him every single day, and he always tells me that I’m the one that he wants and he sees a future with me and adores me. But I can’t believe him and I don’t know what he or I could do to make it better.

Talking about it to my psychiatrist did bullshit, I thought maybe it would have counted as excessive anxiety or paranoia, and maybe there was some therapeutic or medical answer to it, but of course she said it was perfectly fucking normal. Everyone tells me it’s normal to be afraid of that because of the whole lying thing that came up a little over a month ago, and then had a mini second chapter a little less than two weeks ago.

Basically I found out that his abusive ex girlfriend who we’ll call A who he had talked about a bit to me before...he was still with her. Oh, and he had lied about being exclusive with me while we were on a break.

The story, as far as I know it:

Basically he had gotten back together with her last July right before he moved to where he lives now, hoping that she would be able to work through issues with him and it would get better. It didn’t and he realized he no longer loved her in November, and decided he just needed to work up the balls (his words) to either break up with her or kill himself, whichever happened first. He then got Tinder, hoping that maybe starting a relationship and getting involved with someone else would give him the courage to end things with her. During his brief time on Tinder, he talked a bit with a girl who we’ll call W, but we’ll get back to her later. A bit after his conversation with W kind of blipped out, he and I started talking, and then we started dating. Then he and A decided that she would come up to his house (a 4 hour drive) to bring him a cat she had rescued from a drug house so that he could adopt the cat. He did not want to spend time with A (apparently) and during the time that she was there he did not speak to me at all (3 days). She saw text messages from me during that time, and got furious at him, resulting in him having a serious panic attack that included him smashing his head into a wooden door and leaving a massive dent. But anyway, after that 3 day period of silence, he kept blowing me off and treating me like shit, and I told him that unless he got his shit together we were over, so that next weekend he and I met up and he said that his mental health was just not in a state to be in a relationship so if we could please go on a break while he figured out his shit, then that would be nice. I asked if we could be exclusive during this break, and he agreed. Of course he had said we were exclusive before while he was still dating A, so this point was kind of skimped on. In reality, he basically figured that he would figure out his self-isolating problems and try to break up with A before getting back together with me, or something like that, I’m not really sure. But anyway, shortly after we started the break, W started messaging him again, and they continued flirting, while he and I were not dating but still exclusive. He met up with her exactly once, while during this break, and they hung out and played video games, but, according to him, that’s it. But anyway, I still thought he and I were exclusive and he was just sorting out his issues. Every time he ignored me for a few days, I tried not to kick up a fuss because we weren’t even together, but it hurt so badly, and I hated being on this break. Then he left his phone at home by accident when he went to see his family in another state for a week. Without a phone or computer, he did not message me for a week. And during this week, I was in so much pain. I could not focus, I could not do anything. I didn’t know if this was his way of ending it all with me, or if he was hurt/dead, or if he had forgotten his phone, or what, but I of course had to keep my cool because we were just on a break at this point, right? And it sucked, and he came back and, supposedly, immediately messaged me. Then a week after that, he began acting more relationship-y towards me (using old nicknames, complimenting me, being more attentive to me), and I started to get very confused. So after a week of that, I asked him what we were and finally explained to him how much more pain I was in on the break than I was while together. And we decided to get back together that night. Then we were together for a little over 2 weeks when, after sleeping over at his house, his alarm went off by accident in the morning (he didn’t actually have to get up). He completely slept through it, but I was awake, and so I got up to turn off his alarm. When I turned it off, I saw in the phone notifications messages from a girl named A, which included a message saying I love you. So I immediately woke him up and asked about it, he gave me what he says is the full story of that, and I slowly start trusting him again, believing that was a one time betrayal as a result of an abusive and unhealthy relationship. But then, about three weeks after that, he leaves his snapchat logged in on my phone. And I immediately swipe left to see my friends messages on snapchat without thinking, and I see old flirty messages between him and W (he saves most of his snapchat messages), up until 3 or 4 days after we had gotten back together. And he once again tells me what he says is the whole story (it was just another old relationship, nothing actually happened, it fizzled out and he didn’t do anything to try and get in touch with her, because he didn’t want her, etc.). And I once again chose to try to forgive him. Only it’s even harder than before.

I feel like I like him so much more than he likes me, I feel like he must hate me because of how much I like him and he just pities me and stays with me, or he’s waiting on someone who he likes more than me, and I’m just some person to pass the time with. And I hate it, I hate feeling like I’m nothing more than just a casual hobby to him. I hate knowing that I am the least important thing in his life, less important than literally everything else. I don’t need to be more important than his own personal health, but I would like to be more important than weed or video games or at the very least something. He keeps not doing things that would mean so much to me if he did them, and it’s stressing me out, I feel like he doesn’t intend to do anything that will show any kind of commitment to me. I don’t want to ask him to do anything because I feel like that’s me pushing myself onto him. I constantly feel like I’m forcing him to be in the relationship with me, like he doesn’t really want to be here, because I constantly am asking for things and he just seems so apathetic about it all. I feel like he doesn’t even like me, but he doesn’t know how to end things, so I keep asking if he wants it over and he says no, but I’m so scared he’s just saying that because he doesn’t want to hurt me and doesn’t want to be alone.

I stay with him because I love him and he makes me so insanely, euphorically happy 3/4 of the time, but that other 1/4 i feel like worthless garbage that isn’t worthy of anything, and the entire time I feel like I’m happy because of who he is, not because of how he treats me. I feel like I’m no more special to him than W was, only I’m more pushy and so now he’s given me the label of girlfriend to sate me while he tries to find the next best thing. I feel like if I died he wouldn’t care. And it sucks.

And he tells me he would, and that he knows he’s bad at showing that he cares, but it just hurts so fucking much.

Like even with sex I feel so unwanted. I don’t know why he doesn’t ever ask for anything more than a blowjob, or do anything without me asking! Does he find me that repulsive, is he that un-impassioned about me? And I don’t know how to ask him all of that and see a change without feeling like he’s just doing it to appease me.

That’s the problem, I can’t tell him any of this because then it will feel like any change he makes is just an attempt to appease me so that, once again, he won’t be alone while he tries to find someone better than me.

All I want is to make him happy and feel like he wants me, but I feel like I can’t even have that, and I just wish I were dead. I’ve only ever wanted to love and be loved, but I can only ever get halfway there, because the second half of that statement is so unrealistic for me.

[wishhbones]

Wednesday, November 1st, 2017 -- 1:11 am

I type this as she is asleep beside me. 

I believe I met her at a swim meet during junior year of high school. I was a 15 year old boy. Hungry for attention and eager to please for it. This is our love story.

It doesn’t matter who I was around or which other girl I was attempting to flirt. I knew I wanted Valerie the most. Fuck, I think everyone knew that. The night of the swim meet we skyped for 7-8 hours into the night about Metallica and my bucket list. She has strict parents so this fact means a lot to me. I texted her everyday and like a fuckboy would say my “goodnight sweetdreams” and “good morning <3″. I wanted to get in her pants and thought I was being sly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But the more I talked to her I realize I had finally met my match. She’s funnier than me, smart; and not to mention, stunning. I’m sure of I’ve been caught a numerous amount of times staring. Just. Staring. The best part was, she would just.. stare back. I could feel the energy oscillate between us telling me that she wanted what I wanted. 

But what do I want now.......

.

I want her to be mine. 

I can’t let any other person take away this opportunity.

But

She wasn’t ready. 

.

.

And I lost it. I wanted beg... and I probably did ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

She wanted to stay as friends. That’s not what I wanted to hear. I assumed I’d be kept on a leash and be forced to watch her kiss another man.

So I left.. And she resented me, but at the time I don’t think she understood why. Through rumours I know she called me a bitch and such. okay :/

Time passed and when I would hear her name my heart would skip a beat. An equivalent to when its about to be your turn to present your project to the class. I swear I had arrhythmia too (I actually went to see a doctor about this, anyway I want to believe but I cant prove that she is the cause. o well)

She ended up dating a teammate from my swim team. Fucking hell. Of course it’s the fastest guy on the team. Of course she doesn’t want a mediocre fuck like me. This is what she wanted the whole time I thought. I hate her.

I think there was a time here where we felt interest for each other again, but she was still with him. It wasn’t right for me to take a woman away from her man. She knew it was immoral to keep flirting with me. 

It’s time for me to move on. I hated myself for hating myself. I stopped talking to Valerie. I found a girl who went on to became my lover and prom queen. And on Prom day, guess who came crying. Not my girl lol. I did feel bad. No one deserves to cry after this much preparation and in front of this many people, but I don’t think she would have let me approach her (I asked her recently, she said I should have lol).

There’s something I want to confess. Even though my prom queen was lovely. I had Valerie on my mind. All the time. I left her for the purpose of wanting a new opportunity, and guess who I went to right away. You guessed it. Val. She had newly become single and I wanted her like always.

Valerie wasn’t ready. Again...... And again she went off with someone else.......... I should have learned the first time :c

The summer after that year, I was able to witness her on the day she left that man. I’d pay good money to see that shit, but I saw it for free instead. I made her laugh that day with my awful singing. That’s a (+1) for my ego.

I want her. I crave her. I am desperately curious to know what she tastes like.

One time she actually let me come over to catch up on life. It was around the time where she had recently let go of her best friend (and mine at the time). I truly remember this distinct moment where we walked through her kitchen and I wanted to kiss her by her fridge. I didn’t. Also when she invited me to her room and I sat on her bed. God, I wanted to grab her and kiss her passionately like in the Notebook. I didn’t.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

After leaving, I texted her about how I felt a connection again and that I wanted more. I think she went along the lines of, “we’ll see how life turns out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”. Yeah, I asked her out like 3 times in a 6 month span after that. All “No”s.

But, why did she still talk to me... Does she only like the attention give to her. Thats probably it. When she’s lonely she comes to me for attention, gets high from it until she finds someone else. (This is actually what I assumed at the time).

Well, during May 2016, we clicked again. It felt real. She even said over the phone that she missed being friends with me. (idk how to insert a crying emoji here. i dont use a macintosh). We were due for a Blink 182 concert in a few months, except I had to buy my ticket separately from her and her friends. I was pumped, were finally taking off.

Well, hold your fucking horses because I was supposed to see her one weekend back from Ottawa and she stopped me. In fact, she didn’t want to continue what we had going on because she wanted to work on herself. She said she couldn’t produce her own happiness and I while I do agree that this is a very valid reason, I was fucking disappointed again.

A month goes by and I send her a regretful essay over text pouring my heart out and saying something along the lines of, “dont even msg me on my birthday, youre gonna ruin it :’(”

Another month goes by and I learn that she invited my best friend, Jeremy to go to the Blink 182 concert. She had an extra ticket. Another month goes by and I learn that she has a new boyfriend..................... 

just fucking kill me now.

It is September 2016, I fall into a deep depression. Stay high in my room. Skip class and eventually drop out of school like a fucking miscarriage. December rolls in and I find myself at home. A disappointed family surrounds me at the Christmas lit dinner table. Everyone is quiet and afraid to ask me how things are going. No one asked me actually.

My aunt gave me a self help book as my Christmas gift and I learned a very simple and great lesson. “Awareness is the first step towards Change”

I wanted to get better. I wanted to change from what I had become.

I applied to work at the pool.... which happened to be the same pool Valerie would supervise at... I carefully picked hours when she was not there. I dreaded that I would see her... but I was also sad that I didn’t see her. Strange. Anyway, I needed to reset my work ethic and picked all early bird shifts Monday to Friday. I invested over a thousand dollars into recording equipment to jump start my life as a musician. I rehearsed songs to play at open mic events. I flirted with girls again. I got back in shape doing cross fit. Soon after that, I got my first step into a job related to my field of study. I began working for Hibar Systems, an engineering firm dedicated to building high quality pneumatic pumps and assembly lines, as a Jr. Project Manager.

My life began to pick up again. Things were going great and I felt like I was finally moving on from Valerie....

One day, I decided to text her over Instagram probably about how dumb she looked in her profile pic. Apparently, it was great timing. I soon learned that she had gone through a life changing event just recently and wanted to break up with her boyfriend. I tried hard to act as a neutral body and give support.

On July 16th, Jeremy had tickets to go see Metallica. This was my first ever show and was ready to shit my pants. He had extra tickets though. So who did I hit up? ... Valerie.

And she said “yes” !

That night she told me that she only listened to Metallica because of me.. and that she thought at some point in the night that she was in love with me. Ain’t no drug can me higher than that. We had some great closure that evening. I learned that she was afraid to date me in case of the consequence that our breakup would mean the end of seeing me. That at least when were not together, I come around periodically (when im not ghosting on her) and thats better than never seeing me again.

A few days later on the 18th, I drove her back to her apartment from a get together with her friends. 

That night she broke up with her boyfriend. 

That night I kissed her. 

That night she told me, “Thanks for never giving up on me.”

It has been 6 years since I first met her. Now, I type this on her laptop as she is asleep beside me. I love her.

-Kevin ‘Konkon’ Chung

[kittytishers]

I DON'T REMEMBER YOUR AK TAG SO ALL THE ONES YOU DIDN'T DO YET PLS

gdi spacey

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? uhhhh id be pretty fuckin weirded out but considering he lives in georgia id just be like “FIRST OF ALL HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE?????” but like why would i be naked anyways thats the real question who sleeps without their pjs?? dont answer that please i beg

2. What’s going on between you and the last person living being you kissed? He’s pretty sick so we’re taking him to the vet today :(

3. If your significant other was into drugs, would you care? depends on the drugs. if they were into weed id want in on some obvi but anything else and id just be eeeehhhhh naaaaahhhh

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? how does 11 letters sound?

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? ive never been drunk in my life so take a wild guess

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? nope.

7. What does your last received text say? “Ooh”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person living being you kissed? more than i can count -w-

9. Where was your last kiss at?  in my house because we both live there

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? This monday before she headed off to disneyland for her honeymoon!!

11. What do you drink in the morning? milk because its in my cereal

12. Where did you sleep last night? my fuckin bed -.-

13. Do you think relationships are hard? i think with the right person it shouldn’t be that bad.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? i wouldve done a different story for my creative writing project

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person living being you kissed, any problems? he’s sick so that would be bad :(

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? sunny

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? lol nah

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? PAJAMA SHORTS HAHAH

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I hope so

20. Does anyone like you? Not that i know of

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? nope

22. Is the last person living being you kissed gay? I mean he’s neutered so technically he’s ace

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? the guy who sits behind me in english -.-

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?  yeah. proll ynot gonna tho

25. In the past week have you cried?  probably

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? my dog is an english springer spaniel so

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? out of the shower duh

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? HAHAHAHAH

29. Do you think you’re old? if i think im old i cant call my friends old so im just gonna say no

30. Do you like text messaging? yup

31. What type of day are you having? S T RE SS 

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? no but i like how it looks on other people

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? cold because SWEATERS

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Three! @pseudonymouslps​ @celestialbomber​ and @luciferhimshelf​!!! they are all great btw follow them if you arent already

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? i want a relationship first and then ill figure out how i feel about flings

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? is anyone a simple person???

37. What song are you listening to? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Etb0xDIFXR4

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? yeah of course.39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? @2cutepandasian​ knows a lot i think. she is my first mother after all40. What made you start liking the person you like now? i mean i don’t have a person i like rn so41. When did you last receive a text message? not quite sure. all i know is the convo started like 6 am my time lmao42. What is wrong with you right now? everyhting???43. How well do you know the last female you texted? my mom continues to confuse me -.-44. Does anyone disgust you? my dog sometimes45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? DEPENDS ON THE PERSON I GUESS??? IDK I THINK ITD BE KINDA WEIRD46. Are you in a good mood right now? i guess so47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? mi madre48. What color shirt are you wearing? black likE MY SOUL49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? i dont want to hear anything my mom says tbh50. Anyone you’re giving up on? nah51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? lol i didn’t really fall for anyone

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? no i dont like giving up on people wtf???53. Do you like rain? im an ml fanatic of COURSE 54. Do you care if your significant other drinks? at this age? yeah. when im older than 18 i wont give a fuck55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? yeah thats always how it goes 56. Do you like to cuddle? HWO DOESNT??57. Are you shy? not shy just unwilling to engage in conversation with people i dont know or carea bout 58. Do you get along with girls? i get along with anyone i want to59. Have you dated the person you texted last? he’s 5 years older than me ew no like god hes like a brother to me but to date him no wtf??? 60. What do you carry with you at all times? a hair tie and my phone 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? hells yeah. the two outcomes are death or living life rich its a win-win 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? i mean i hope so 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? HAHAHAHAHHAHA 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? i dont like anyone right now but the person i liked a lil while back,,, yeah its be adoarble..;l.,,65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? i mean i saw my sister get married like if that isnt cute then idk what else is

66. How old are the last three people living beings you kissed? 4 and 10

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? dude nail salons are the best but i can make my own nails i dont really care68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    animal print in general is lowkey trashy imo69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    dont have a car lolol70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    who??71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?   iphone fuck yeah 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    looooong time73. Do you like diet soda?    never had any so i cant say74. What color are the walls in your room?    white75. Are you 16 or older?    nope but next year76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    no77. Do you have a job?    no  78. What are your initials?    LZ80. Are you from the south?    I’m from SoCal but not The South™

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    facebook thats cute82. Do you still talk to the first person living being you ever kissed?    of course how else will i yell at him to stop fucking with my shit?83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    dad definitely84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    ive done gymnastics before yeah85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    Hidden Figures87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    im in a flip flop mood rn. ive been wearing heels all weekend -.-88. Is your phone touch screen?    yeah90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    no where tf would i go91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    pool please i dont appreciate fish feces being on my body92. Have you ever made out in a car?    HAH i wish93. …Had sex in a car?    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA94. Are you single or in a relationship?    take a wild guess based on previous questions its not that hard to figure out i promise95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    screaming at myself to FINISH THE DAMN PAPER96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    4th o july97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    it serves its purpose98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    nope99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    nope100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    youre asking as if facebook is still relevent101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    im 15 and ive never had sex in my life. no.102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    WAKA WAKA103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    no but its getting warmer so soonthaank god this bs is over. i wish i could say i hate you but i dont lie