#joyful noise records

[recordswithgooglyeyes]

Lil Bub - “Science & Magic: A Soundtrack To The Universe”

artwork by @johannah_odonnell

submitted by @purpledot

[senorboombastic]

This One Song… Noble Rot on Casting No Light

Tell you what – we love hearing from artists when things go right. We equally love hearing from artists when things go dreadfully wrong. A song that was a piece of piss, written in 20 minutes? Or years in the making and a bastard to write? Whether it’s a song that came together through great duress or one that was smashed out in a short amount of time, we’re getting the lowdown from some of our…

[nofatclips]

Our Philosophy Is Fiction by Deerhoof from the album Actually, You Can

[bandcampsnoop]

8/11/23.

I would not really call Candy Claws shoegaze. Many of the reviews mentioned this - yes the vocals sound shoegazy, but the music isn't anywhere close.

"Ceres & Calypso in the Deep Time was the 4th album from this Fort Collins, Colorado band. Members of the band later formed Sound of Ceres (Joyful Noise Recordings) with members of The Apples in Stereo and The Drums.

This album is a concept album developed with the help of poet Jenn Morea. The album tells the story of a white seal named Ceres and a little girl named Calypso traveling through the Mesozoic Era. The music does give one the sense of a wondrous world and story. To me the music does recall the work of any number of Elefant 6 bands (i.e. Of Montreal or The Apples in Stereo) and MGMT.

This is a 10-year anniversary release and comes with a bonus CD. It is being reissued by the original label - Twosyllable Records.

[disease]

DEERHOOF // EVERYBODY, MARVEL [MIRACLE-LEVEL, MAR 2023]

[dustedmagazine]

Greg Saunier — We Sang, Therefore We Were (Joyful Noise)

Photo by Sophie Daws

As ¼ of noisy indie-rockers Deerhoof, drummer Greg Saunier has decades' worth of experience in frenetic music as fun as it is difficult (if not more so). Across hundreds of other recordings, he's hidden himself away joyfully. Now, with the encouragement of his bandmates, he finally has his own solo outing, We Sang, Therefore We Were. Deerhoof fans won't be surprised by the sound here — it plays much like you'd expect a side project from the band to do — but they will likely be taken by Saunier's multi-instrumental prowess and songwriting glee.

The album comes from restlessness and anger, but more than anything, Saunier's wry playfulness comes through. He's witty and funny and while some of these lyrics may push toward the absurd, there's a deep seriousness running through the album, which stops just short of being a full-on concept record. Much of the record considers our relationship to the earth, or how we think about either ourselves or the natural world. Single “Grow Like a Plant” takes a somewhat comical look at the topic, suggesting that humans (and animals) aren't inherently more special than plant life. Saunier sings, “Meate only thinks it thinks” [sic], highlighting the feeling that we don't really know what we know.

As much as the album can sound wild at times, Saunier's deep thoughtfulness (unless he only thinks he thinks) repeatedly comes through. In “Not for Mating, Not for Pleasure, Not for Territory,” Saunier sets himself up as “the 500-celled creature, 500-celled creature / I am not, I am not / No 499 creature, no 501 creature.” With that phrase, he oddly posits himself as the simplest multicellular integrated organism (happily an algae and not “meate”). At that stage of development, he can play, cry and shriek, but Saunier the artist can also undermine the whole work by adding, “Goes the song ironically.” The whole enterprise of We Sang, Therefore We Were seems to undercut any sort of epistemic stability we might think we have (in which case singing outclasses thinking, because only extent beings could have sang).

All of this destabilizing comes through a musical approach not dissimilar to Deerhoof's, which makes sense. There's a manic sense of time and jagged guitars, but clear melodies run through the songs. He plays with classical music to end the record and digs into musical theory elsewhere. His own comments suggest a mix of Nirvana and Captain Beefheart, a goal he achieved. Ultimately, though, the record isn't only about theory or deconstruction, but about the joy of playing this music and of the epiphanies art can lead us to. “Playing Tunes of Victory on the Instruments of Our Defeat,” before swinging toward classical, challenges us to pause in the chaos and take stock of how we live (whether animal or vegetable). Saunier may play with irony and misdirection, but he sounds earnest when he sings, “So when you say goodbye to someone / Do you ramp down your love till the adieu? / Or, do you treasure every last moment? / Doing things healthy, fun, and rewarding?” You might not want to be meat, and you might not know if you can think what you think, but you can always sing, and you can always find the rewards in whatever this life is. Saunier blasts along to help his listeners do just that.

Justin Cober-Lake

[jdsoundbite]

Folk Implosion single out today, first leg of summer tour announced!

[burlveneer-music]

Deerhoof - Miracle-Level - probably the biggest new release today

奇跡レベル MIRACLES WANTED! (EVERYTHING IS A MIRACLE EXCEPT WAR AND GASOLINE) PHASE-OUT ALL REMAINING NON-MIRACLES BY 2028 (LUCKILY THERE AREN’T THAT MANY ANYWAY) WE NEED ONLY *LOVE* SONGS (YES, THIS WORD GETS USED OFTEN) BUT I MEAN HIGH-LEVEL I MEAN MIRACLE LEVEL LET’S WASH OUR DIRTY HANDS WITH LOVE LET’S LIVE LET’S WALK CLOSELY TOGETHER I CAN HOLD AN UMBRELLA FOR YOU FOR A LONG TIME Deerhoof’s new album, Miracle-Level, was produced, recorded, and mixed by Mike Bradavski at No Fun Studios in Winnipeg, Manitoba. It’s the band’s 19th album and the first to be produced, recorded and mixed entirely in a recording studio. All of the songs are in Japanese.

[psitrend]

CocoRosie Announces New Album Little Death Wishes out March 28

New CocoRosie album Little Death Wishes set for release via Joyful Noise The duo CocoRosie, consisting of sisters Bianca and Sierra Casady, will release their eighth studio album, Little Death Wishes, on March 28, 2025, through Joyful Noise Recordings. Alongside the album announcement, the group has unveiled the single and accompanying video for “Cut Stitch Scar.” A European tour has also been…

[thejoyofviolentmovement]

New Audio: Medicine Singers Share Haunting and Spellbinding "Honor Song"

New Audio: Medicine Singers Share Haunting and Spellbinding "Honor Song" @PocassetTc @JoyfulNoiseRecs @mothlandsounds @leeranaldo @pitchperfectpr

Medicine Singers is an experimental collective that can trace its origins back to a chance encounter between the Eastern Medicine Singers, an Eastern Algonquin powwow group and Israeli-born, New York-based guitarist and producer Yonatan Gat, who invited the group to a spontaneous collaboration on stage at SXSW 2017 after seeing them play outside the venue he was about to play.  That chance…

[mywifeleftme]

84: Yonatan Gat & Gal Lazer // Physical Copy

Physical Copy Yonatan Gat & Gal Lazer 2015, Joyful Noise (Bandcamp)

I have been pretty thoroughly on something each time I’ve seen Yonatan Gat, the Tel Aviv-born guitar matador who has become a cult figure due to his smoldering small combo stage shows. Gat and his typical trio or quartet like to set up in the middle of the venue, upending the usual artist-on-stage, plebes-on-the-floor dichotomy. Multiple times I’ve seen audience members helping hold up a cymbal stand that won’t stay upright, or gaping at Gat’s fretboard from over the guitarist’s shoulder, privileged to be the second head of a virtuoso. Gat’s music is loud, loose, and incantatory, predominantly instrumental punk/psych/passport rock rave-ups, occasionally interrupted by Gat’s drowsily romantic vocal interludes.

The first few times I saw him I was just starting to experiment with MDMA and acid, and I would spend the sets torn between my desire to lose myself in the music, and to write every liquid thought sloshing in my head. As a result, I “watched” a lot of the show through my phone’s notes app, standing next to the band trying to write as improvisationally as they played. I’ve just opened up one of those documents for the first time in years, from a Toronto gig accompanied by the dream trio of Gal Lazer on drums (AKA Gladys Lazer), Sergio Sayeg on bass (AKA Sessa), and Thor Harris on percussion and vibes. What follows are some excerpts from ten pages of very stoned responses, lightly edited for embarrassment.

The drummer’s so close it feels as though I could ghost through his back, talk to his array of golden plates easily as I tell my own hand to close round the throat of a flower, the handle of a watering can.

Check the bassist too, in his immaculate linen suit. When I saw him a year ago he wore the exact same outfit. It’s hard to imagine him ever taking it off— the white cloth just turns translucent as he soaps himself in the shower, becomes opaque again in the tumble-dry that fluffs his hair. White, on that note, seems to have the fashion diktat for the tour, undoubtedly conceived of by the singer under the influence of whatever sun rises in his brain that incinerates embarrassment, and a modicum of choice hash.

I’m one to talk: I’m so high my right buttock is trembling to the music of its own accord.

(If I were as gorgeous as the balding Shireborn playing vibes, I wouldn’t care about the black leather fanny pack marring my aesthetic either.)

The guitarist holds the neck upright, the way you do when a tough part in Guitar Hero hits, but for him, it’s like when you want to talk to someone with your mouth to their ear, while the foot traffic splits unnoticed around you.

Most times this part of the show is just jerking off— do you remember Richie Sambora? He was in Bon Jovi and played like Joe Perry sealed under a film of cellophane, like mushrooms priced to move. That guy jerks off; this deserves the longer word in Latin. There’s a drum solo too and people clap, and for the first time ever, not merely because it’s over. My carrier informs me my new plan has begun, with a whole new block of data to bore through. The singer does his sexy thing in a language made foreign by layers of mystic reverb. He introduces the players in long bars of well-meant fuzz.

"Shireborn" Thor Harris: Perhaps more dwarfkin?

And so on! Anyway, at the show I’d sworn up and down not to buy any merch (was broke!), but as the rolling waves of instant nostalgia about the like ephemerality of experience continued to smash me in the face like a toddler trying to wade into the ocean, I became fixed on the title of this little Steve Albini-produced single: Physical Copy. An answered prayer, something designed to last! Jump-cut to 2023 and I can’t find the fucking thing for this review, so I’m streaming it and still remember everything fine without the tactile reminder. It’s good, but don’t shop on drugs and be careful what you write is I guess the message of this post, oi vey.

84/365

Encore

if my ears are not ringing am I hearing at all? tinnitus is the air thick with angels.

I part their unseen ranks like a curtain of plankton, eardrums resounding to their pitchy carols.

I don’t know if it’s true this tingling is the last time I'll ever hear this sound; if it is, let’s say the tone was burnt up reentering the world from the silence of memory.

[rsventhesecondd]

midnight rant,

╰ • → Featuring . Hayato Suo as your boyfriend ! ╯

sypnosis . whereas— you're an overthinker, desperately trying to save your friend group that is falling apart. You find no way to cope, but luckily your boyfriend, Suo is here for you. :3 , Hayato Suo x f!reader 

warnings . light cursing, mentions of mental health issues, abandonment issues, angst, self-vent, skin picking , fluff

note ⧽some parts may seem rushed or ooc in other peoples opinion. english isn't my first language, so please bare with oncoming vocabulary or grammatic mistakes. Based off real life experiences

authors note . hi! this is for all those people that overthink a lot specially when it comes to relationships. I didn't really explain more, it has so much lore potential too.. It's not really more of a you getting comforted once you read it, but rather it's a you being in the same situation again, but not being alone. I really wanted to write Suo, but I didn't know how. Anyways, this might be a subtle vent, foreshadow :3

—

You sat down the bench just a few steps far from Furin Highschool, your eyes welling up– unable to hold tears. You should've been home, if not for that argument you had with your  bestfriend. 

It was your mistake, it was your issue, you're the problem. Was what kept on replying all over your head like Broken record. What was is the cause of this scenario? let us go back. 

You lashed out, unable to control your feelings any longer. What was once joyful and full of glee, was now full of trepidation and gloom. Your two  close friends, somehow, two of your only close friends that you consider as close ones are starting to drift apart. You couldn't really blame them. You rarely meet, nor called. Rarely chatted, hell– whens the last time you guys ever talked about your own lives? They were all too busy with their places to be, and you were too. Not that you  didn't have any other people to interact with. But somehow, some part of you is missing the times where you three were happy, talking about this– your new crushes, how your lives has been going, laughing over stupid things, ranting about this and that about how annoying they were knowing damn well you were annoying too. But you couldn't care less, because at that time, you felt safe. It was as if a safe zone, your safe zone. But then things started to fall apart, barely chatting, updating, and the other more— you tried. You tried to replicate the same energy you've had before, you tried to bring back the joyous and gleefulness of memories that you've remember. Now realizing that it has only turned into a mysterious enigma written in the ink of stardust on the back of your brain. You were hysterical. How could such strong bond just fade away ever so quickly? The promises and plans made, are now starting to fade. 

Those tears welling up in your eyes not holding up any longer, flowing as they stream down your cheeks. You wipe them away with your sleeves, hoping the flow water from your eyes stop as you let out a sniffle. 

"[name]?" a familiar voice questions, causing you to instinctively turn your head away from where the noise came from. You begged to the gods that this was just a dream, hoping you were hallucinating. You were in such  disgraceful state, you don't need another problem to participate.  There you were on the bench, closing your eyes shut as you continuously picked on your skin, hoping that the man of that voice disappears into thin air. 

"[name], dear.. what happened?" the same voice from before said, inching closer. You open your eyes to see Suo with a worried expression. You quickly wipe your tears once more, using your tear stained sleeve, trying to utter out words, but it seems as if you couldn't speak. "Shh.. It's okay, my love." Suo says, sitting down beside you, resting your head on his shoulder. "You know, your skin will be irritated if you wipe your tears like that" he says in a gentle, but slight tease of a tone. He faces you, cupping your chin as he wipes your tears away with a handkerchief. As much as you wanted to push, maybe– shove him away even, you found yourself calming down from his actions. You wanted to go away as far as you could, you wanted to bury yourself deep underground. You've never shown him this side of you, and it terrified you. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" he says with a smile, it's as if it wasn't even a question, rather a clarification. You take a deep breath and sighed, "It's just, my friend has been seeing this person lately, well, used to. And they've been ranting about how this person they're seeing is 'cheating' , only going to them when they need something, and other more stuff. It just pissed me off. My friend deserves more than that, and it got to me. I attacked their ex in spite, saying shit I didn't even know I would. And.. I know it's my fault, I wasn't in the right place to do that. And I apologized, I felt bad, I swear, I really did." you say, unbeknownst to you that tears are flowing down your eyes, fingers picking on your skin. Suo, nodding silently, his hand creeping up to yours, holding them– as a way to prevent you from picking on your skin. "But, I'm.. scared. I know we all make mistakes, and I know my friend is a good person and that they do forgive me. But I'm scared. I'm scared that it'll fall apart, I'm scared that they'll leave me– I'm scared that I caused a problem, that I break something again" you say, breath hitching as you tighten your grip on his hand.  "I contacted my other friend Kotoha, who I was closer with. We three were really close, and I know them a lot. Even though they don't realize it, I always observe how they react to different stuff. And, Kotoha was friends with the person I fought.  I reached out to them, after the argument, and apologizing to my other friend because of the situation I've created, and after awhile Kotoha never replied even though they were online. And, I can't judge them, they might've not seen it, and they've been there for me a lot too. But I just can't help but overthink at the most little things, and I hate it. I hate it so much, I–"  you stammer, cut off by a light kiss on the lips. "I understand." Suo says, wrapping his arm around your back, his hand pushed you ever so slightly to his chest– pulling you into a hug. "You can't really force someone into a relationship, [name]. Platonic or not, if the relationship is not working and there is no solution, best leave things be" , he says, patting your head. "If the friendship wasn't it, then it's all part of the plan of fate. Mistakes are normal, [name]. And if they truly are friends, people you consider you can trust the most then.. , they will accept you for who you are. Your flaws, mistakes, but that doesn't mean they'll tolerate it. If the gods have decided that friendship truly is not meant for you three, then let it be and accept things for what they already are. Yes, it'll be hard, but I'll be here with you. I'll accept you for who you are, flaws, and secrets kept. I'll be with you when you need me, and when you're alone. I'll accept you with my all of my heart. Just like you did with me" he added, moving his hand to pat your back soothingly. This time, you weren't crying from sadness, or terror. You were crying tears of glee. 

"Let's buy ice cream? My treat of course." Suo says, standing up– reaching his hand out to you, the other behind his back as usual. "Really?" you exclaim, eyes brightening up as you let out a sniffle, him nodding in response.  "And let's put some cream on your hands after wards, get you fixed up" he added.

"Okay! I love you!" You said in your same bubbly mood, almost forgetting the events of today. 

"I love you too, my dove" he says in a soft tone, giving you a look of love. 

note . this had so much lore potential. I'm gonna rewrite this whole, trust.

[bandcampsnoop]

7/21/24.

I am by no means an Oneida (New York) expert or superfan. In fact, I only own one LP, "Success", which is outstanding. I appreciate Oneida's longevity, skill and desire to expand their musical horizons.

"Expensive Air" is the group's 17th album, and to me it sounds as if it builds upon their motorik rock sound established on earlier albums (including "Success"). So given that I labeled Oneida "motorik rock" it should come as no surprise that I'll mention Can, Eleventh Dream Day and Yo La Tengo. But they rock in a way that also recalls a cross between Sonic Youth and The Stooges.

Joyful Noise Recordings has just released this.

[disease]

DEERHOOF MOMENTARY ART OF SOUL! [MIRACLE-LEVEL, MAR 2023]

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman - Part 5

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternate Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

Masterlist

———————————————————————


Friday, October 16; 1:00 PM - Ona and Alexia's Room

The only good thing that can't be criticized about this camp is the school schedule. They know how to accommodate people living far away like me. Our classes are scheduled so that we have Friday afternoons off to enjoy a longer weekend. Unfortunately, this hasn't been useful for me yet. It's been two consecutive weeks that I've been stuck here, feeling depressed as I watch Alexia pack her bags. I'll be left alone again, facing solitude and boredom.

"You still don't have permission?" she asks.

"Still not."

"I'm sorry to leave you alone."

"It's not your fault," I say, smiling softly. "I envy you a lot."

"Oh, there's not much to envy," she laughs.

I smile sadly, remembering her recent revelations. Alexia is so sociable that it's impossible not to become attached to her. She's an amazing and incredibly strong girl. She's the only one who had the courage to explain to me why she's here. Despite her joyful demeanor, her childhood was disastrous. I learned that she has no memories of her father. He left the house, leaving behind a woman, a girl boy, and a baby. Her mother quickly faced a nightmare with financial problems. Alba, who I found out is a year older than us, did anything she could to save Alexia and herself during their childhood. They're here because Alba got caught by the law a few years ago. Camp Wiegman was a proposal that came out of the judgment after her lifestyle was described. It offered her both a way out and a second chance, with a clean criminal record as a bonus. Alexia, who didn't want to be separated from her sister, had the opportunity to follow her here to escape their unstable environment. At first, I thought it was crazy, but after thinking about it, I envy her. She has a bond with her sister that I'll never know . It's a very strong connection. Alexia is a role model for any young person in trouble. Since she's been here, she uses her abundant energy for good. She's serious, studious, and doesn't break any rules. She could have fallen apart like I did after her parents abandoned her, but she decided to fight and remain who she is. Maybe Alba has something to do with it. I've noticed that she's protective of her.

"My mother contacted me."

"What?"

I don't hide my surprise. She sighs and sits on the edge of my bed, looking completely lost.

"Sorry, you're the first person I'm telling, but I need to get it out. Does it bother you if I talk about it?"

"No, of course not," I quickly reply. "How did she manage to contact you?"

"She went through Wiegman. She passed the phone to me about three weeks ago, I think..."

"She wants to see you again?"

"Yeah..."

I pull my knees up to rest my head on them. She takes the opportunity to lie back. She seems to be thinking deeply.

"What would you do in my place?" she asks.

"I'm not on good terms with my mother, so I couldn't tell you..."

"The thing is, Alba might not like it."

"Did you tell her about it?"

"Are you crazy? She would tell me to forget about it right away!"

"That's understandable."

"She's still my mother. No matter how much she screwed up, she's gotten her life together. She just got out of rehab."

"All the more reason," I murmur.

"Why?"

I shrug, looking out the window. I'm the best person to know that every ex-junkie is likely to relapse at the first opportunity. If Bronze hadn't been there on Monday, I would have rushed straight to the dealer without thinking about the consequences. I remain puzzled by her attitude. She managed my panic attack, which was spreading throughout my body, as if she had already experienced it. Maybe she has, given the environment we're in. A dull noise from the door interrupts us. We expected Alba to come in, but it's my supervisor. Alexia sits up immediately, while a smile stretches across my lips when I see what she's bringing me.

"You're giving them back to me?" I ask excitedly.

"That was our deal, wasn't it? I can keep them if you prefer."

"No, no, no!" I say, reaching out my arms.

"Tut tut, don't be impatient," she responds, making me lower my arms and lose my smile.

"No nonsense this weekend, or I'll take everything back. Okay?"

I nod vigorously. I remember this punishment well enough not to risk having my devices confiscated again. It's the first time it's happened to me, and it was very hard to endure.

"I didn't think you would keep the deal after what happened on Monday..." I murmur.

That day was intense with emotions. Bronze made sure I organized the meeting by her side. However, the following days were another story. She continued to punish me for my behavior. I accepted without complaint, thinking I would have faced more trouble if she had caught me with the illicit product in hand.

"A deal is a deal. You've paid your debt for the rest. I keep my word, so do the same from now on."

"Promise! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I say, quickly grabbing my things.

"Well, I'm leaving. Since you're alone tonight, we can have dinner together if you want."

"You're not going home this weekend?"

"I'm staying until dinner, so we can eat together if you don't want to be alone."

"OK, why not," I accept.

I didn't know it was possible to eat with our instructors, but I gladly accept. Eating alone is boring, and I don't want to join another table. Even eating facing a wall would be more entertaining than eating without company. She smiles at me and tells me she'll come get me before leaving and wishing Ale a good weekend.

"I thought you hated her?"

"I still hate her."

"That's not the impression you give," she giggles. "Besides, the commander asking to eat with a student is unheard of!"

"We just talked at length on Monday night," I confess.

"Oh really?" she raises an eyebrow. "You, talking with her?"

"Yeah... Let's say she kind of forced me after I crossed several lines..."

She nods, understanding that I don't want to elaborate. I remember our discussion during the meeting preparations perfectly. She waited for the tension to dissipate before asking me questions. The first question was if I smoked. At first, I thought she was talking about joints given recent events, so I answered that I had stopped that stuff a year ago. However, she clarified that she was talking about cigarettes. The answer remained the same since I quit everything when I went to rehab. It's a detail I didn't share, not wanting to reveal that much. She then tried to talk about what happened at the supermarket, but I shut down. She promised not to say anything to Wiegman but that I would still be punished. She then continued, saying that it didn't amuse her to punish me for every little thing. She understands that I have my past, but that she can't do anything about it. That's when I understood what she meant when she said she wasn't against me. I felt that she cared, probably just as she does for all the students under her care. What no one understands is that I don't want to be helped. I was so exhausted that I just promised her to calm down. That was true this week when she exhausted me with punishments. She made me do an extra round in the dining hall after my evening meals because of my incident at the supermarket. It was probably a warning because I deserved worse for getting caught red-handed.

"Well, at least I won't eat alone tonight."

"Isn't Leah staying too? I think she didn't get her pass either."

"Really? I wasn't aware."

"I think so, yes. She mentioned it to Alba, I believe."

"That would be nice! It's really awful without anyone on the weekends."

"She'll be alone at the table then."

"No way! I'll ask Bronze if she can stay with us. Otherwise, are you going to be okay this weekend? With what you just told me."

"Yes, don't worry," she smiles.

"You can come talk to me if you need to."

Someone knocks on the door again. This time we know it's Alba because she waits for our permission before entering. It's time for their departure. I turn on my Mac while Alexia goes to change in the bathroom.

"Hey Ona," she greets me.

"We've seen each other at least three times since this morning, Alba."

"Yeah, well, um..."

I look up, sensing her awkwardness. I didn't know I had this effect on her. Was my tone too cold? I didn't pay attention. I glance at Alexia who comes out of the bathroom giggling. I smile, seeing her in her normal clothes. It's strange to see her dressed like this.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing," she replies cheerfully.

I furrow my brow, not understanding what's going on with the Putellas sisters . She'll probably tell me when her sisters isn't around, given how she's acting.

"Are you staying here this weekend, Ona?" Alba asks.

"Yeah, isn't it obvious?"

"Yes, yes! It was just..." she cuts herself off, meeting my eyes. "A question."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, yes!"

I raise an eyebrow. She's really weird. Do I intimidate her or what? I shake my head to get rid of that thought. I'm not an intimidating person. My mother or Bronze are. Alba can be too. She would have continued her antics with Leah and me if Ale weren't around. I put down my Mac when the latter approaches me for a hug. I don't like physical contact, but she caught me so off guard these past two weeks that I've gotten used to it. She's the type to jump on me and say "I've got a scoop!" only to announce that two people I don't know are dating. I've never understood her excitement for this kind of news, but oh well.

"My sister likes you," she whispers in my ear.

I freeze in her arms. Oh my God! Alexia kisses my cheek while I stare at Alba who, luckily for me, is looking at her watch instead of seeing my reaction.

"Ale, our taxi won't wait forever."

"Alright, I'm ready," she says, grabbing her suitcase. "Have a good weekend, Ona. See you Monday."

"Have a good weekend, Putellas"

"Nothing better than a weekend in the countryside at the grandparents'," she giggles.

"Show some respect, Ale!"

I chuckle at the authority Alba tries to have. Since they've been here, their mother's custody was revoked. The only home they have outside this camp is at their grandparents', who are now their guardians. Alexia loves them but hates the place where they live. She calls it, I quote, "a place lost in the boonies." They live on a farm, and it seems the reputation is not based on stereotypes. I sit back on my bed once the door closes and let out a sigh I've been holding until now.

"Just what I needed..."

I sincerely hope Alba loses her libido for me. I like her , but I don't feel ready to get back into a relationship at the moment. Besides, long-distance relationships aren't my thing. I plan to return to Barcelona once I get out of here. I understand better some of her actions, like inserting herself into my conversations with others. She was seeking my attention. I will need to set things straight if she continues. I don't want to give her false hope. The silence in the room weighs on my mind. Yet, I love being alone. Even more so since I've been here, as these moments have become rare. I stare at my computer, remembering that I had promised to call my little brother this afternoon. I should do it now, but I think a nap is necessary first. I decide to turn on my phone before that. A small smile appears when I see my notifications bombarded with messages from Mapi. I can already hear her laugh when I tell her the reason for my silence. I read a few messages before simply replying to let her know I'm alive. However, I don't have the patience to wait for her response. I put my phone on silent and drop everything on the floor.

Friday, October 16; 5:30 PM - Ona and Alexia's room.

I sink into my pillow when a little melody wakes me up. I was grumpy at first, but the reasons for my wake-up call quickly come back to me. I regret falling asleep on top of the comforter as a chill runs through me. At least I won't have to make my bed perfectly before Bronze returns. I get up for a moment to grab my uniform jacket and my Mac. The nice thing about this computer is that I can sync it with all my phone data. I open the FaceTime app where I find all my contacts. I call Samuel's number. Joan should still be up at the start of the weekend. I see my face on the screen until he picks up. It takes three rings before he does. Seeing him on the screen instead of in my head brings tears to my eyes. It's been two long weeks since I was cut off from them. It feels like an eternity since I was last home. His wide smile makes me smile. I smile even more when I see Sofia my governess coming up behind him.

"Hey, beautiful," he says. "It was about time you gave us some news! We thought you were dead! Ouch, stop that!"

I laugh when Sofia hits him on the arm. I've really missed this sight! Sofia has always been very protective, especially when Sam teases me like now.

"Hi, everyone," I reply, smiling.

« Ona ! It's so good to finally see your face! I'll go get Joan, he'll be happy to see you!" says Sofia. "He's been asking about you all week. It was getting hard to calm him down!"

I laugh even more. This little one seems to be giving them as much trouble as I used to. She leaves, and I take the opportunity to talk to Sam. I miss our morning and evening chats during my meals in the kitchen. We mostly talk about school, where my answers are short. He understands it's not my favorite topic. He switches to his puns and ridiculous jokes. They're still never funny, but I've missed them so much that I laugh heartily. He's interrupted by a hurricane named Joan who violently pushes him off his chair. My surprise quickly turns into laughter mixed with tears at the scene. I hate appearing weak in front of him, but I've missed him so much!

"Onii!!!" he shouts from the other side.

"Hi, sweetheart! How are you?"

"Much better now! Is it nice where you are? Why didn't you call earlier?"

"Sorry, let's say I had some problems last week that prevented me from doing so sooner," I say with a smile, recalling my punishment. "Otherwise, it's okay, I'm starting to get used to it."

"Is that a military jacket you're wearing? Have you made any friends?"

I've missed his many questions too. To think that two weeks ago, I was fed up with them. Now I'm happy to hear him so much.

"Yes, it's a military jacket. Look, it even has my name on it."

I show him through the camera the patch slightly above my chest. All students have their names on the uniform to be quickly recognized by the instructors.

"I'll lend it to you if you want," I say, which delights him to no end. "Otherwise, I have a pretty cool roommate. You'd love him. A real little crazy, like you."

"Hey! I'm not crazy! Why are you crying, Ona?"

I smile at his pouty face. I quickly wipe away the tears that I couldn't hold back. Seeing them is exactly what I needed after these catastrophic two weeks.

"I'm not crying. Just got a speck of dust in my eye."

"Do you want to talk to Mom?" he offers.

"No, it's okay, thanks. I'd rather see your little face!"

"Hey, are you coming back to Barcelona next weekend?! It's your birthday on Saturday!"

A throat clearing pulls me out of my bubble. I hadn't even heard Bronze arrive. She stands by the door. I hope she just got here. I could do without her seeing me like this. I straighten up from the wall I was slouched against and look back at the screen where my brother is calling me.

« Oni ?"

"Sorry, sweetheart. I have to go, someone is waiting for me," I tell him reluctantly. "And about your question, I'm not sure if I can come back."

"But why?! It's been two weeks since you left! I had a surprise prepared for you!"

"I'm really sorry," I say, pained. "I'll do my best to come back, I promise. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"You promise you'll call me tomorrow?"

"Yes, I promise. Then we'll spend a whole day just the two of us when I come back."

"Yessss!"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Ona!"

"Wait," Samuel comes back on the screen. "Wait, huh? I thought you didn't want a relationship? At least, I'm repeating your words! Do you have someone there? Who’s the lucky girl ?

My mouth drops open before my cheeks flush, remembering Bronze's presence. Damn it! This was really not the time for him to tease me! He'll regret it when he's in front of me!

"Wh- What? Sam, you're such an idiot!" I scold, covering my red face with my hand.

"Batlle."

Bronze is still waiting, now with her arms crossed. I can almost detect a hint of amusement on her face. I blush even more. How embarrassing! I shake my head to compose myself as I hear Sam laughing now. He must have heard my supervisor.

"I have to go, we'll talk about it later!" I say threateningly. "Bye."

I quickly hang up and close my computer, putting it in my locker before turning to Bronze, who has a small smile on her lips. I’m so embarrassed she heard Sam’s hint about my sexuality.

"Who would have thought the little Princess has a heart," she comments.

"Shut up. You don't know me."

"Don't talk to me like that again," she frowns.

"Sorry..."

"Hmm. Let's go eat."

"By the way... Speaking of that..."

"What? Have you changed your mind?"

"No, no! Just that I learned Leah stayed too... Can we eat with her ?"

"Oh, yes if you want."

I'm relieved to know Leah won't be alone because of me. We walk to the cafeteria in silence, without her bringing up anything Samuel said. It allows me to think about Joan's words. I realize I completely forgot my birthday. Who forgets their own birthday? I must really have my head elsewhere to forget that detail.

"Was that your little brother?" she breaks the silence.

"Hmm?"

"Your call."

"Oh, yeah."

"Is he the little one in the photo on your nightstand?"

I'm surprised she noticed my picture frame. It's the only personal thing I have in my room.

"Yes, it's him."

"And the other girl?"

The only thing, along with a second frame with a photo of Mapi and me.

"My best friend. Anything else?"

"No. You just seem to care a lot about them."

"I do. They're the two people I care about the most, along with those I was on the phone with," I admit.

She nods without insisting. I've always been defensive when it comes to talking about myself. The fact that she might have understood I'm a lesbian doesn't please me. Few people know. I sincerely hope she misunderstood or didn't pay attention. We arrive at the cafeteria, which is sparsely populated. Many have gone home this week. We serve ourselves and join Leah, who is already eating at our table. She isn't surprised to see me, but it's another story when he sees Bronze sitting across from me.

"Hey. I didn't know if you were staying or not," Leah admits.

"She can leave when she stops getting punishments for a week," Bronze replies for me.

"Seriously?" I blurt out.

"Of course. I'll approve your leave if that's the case... Well, Wiegman gives the final authorization, but I also have a say."

"Ugh, I'll never go home then..."

My reaction makes Leah laugh and Bronze smile. This camp has no mercy. I'll never be able to do it! I turn my head toward the cafeteria. I notice that many are watching us. Ale is probably right in saying that Bronze has never eaten with students. Rumors will spread again. They will be to Bronze's detriment since everyone thinks she can't make me capitulate. If only they knew the truth. Even though I talk back or continue my antics, she's no less intimidating and frightening when I have to face the consequences. We talked about the rumors during our Monday night discussion. She's aware, but she doesn't seem to care. I find our relationship strange. I hate and admire her at the same time. I watch her out of the corner of my eye. Only the sound of cutlery echoes since my response. A smile comes to me when an idea crosses my mind.

"Hey, Bronze?"

"Yes?"

"Is there any way we can go out this weekend?"

"No."

My smile disappears at her answer, which leaves no room for negotiation. Leah holds back her laughter. I'm not giving up yet. After all, I'm Ona Batlle. I'm known for standing up to her - even if her refusal proves otherwise.

"Is there really no way?" I insist.

"None," Leah answers herself. "What do you think? If we don't have permission, it's not to go relax downtown."

Bronze smiles at my sulky expression. This camp is definitely a detestable prison. Thankfully, there's Alexia; otherwise, I'd spend my days depressed and crying every night like I did in the first few days. She helped me get my bearings, just like Bronze, who decided to keep a constant watch on me. I've come to terms with the fact that Bronze won't let me leave here until the end of the year. So, I have no choice but to get used to the environment to avoid going completely crazy by the end.

"Indeed, by keeping you here, it's a form of punishment. Besides, the camp is several kilometers from downtown, and there's no transport line from here," Bronze informs me.

"You could take us there."

"No. You're not allowed out, and I'm leaving after this meal."

"Why did you stay to eat if you're leaving?"

"I was supposed to leave tomorrow morning, but my schedule changed this afternoon. I stayed because I told you we'd eat together."

"At least you can go out," I grumble.

"It's not her fault we're not allowed to leave," Leah tells me.

"I have an idea!" I say, grinning.

"Oh no, I'm scared..."

"Go ahead, ask," Bronze encourages me.

"You could drop us off downtown when you leave. We'll spend the evening there and come back by taxi!"

Both of them mock me. Bronze's laughter stays with me. It's the first time I've heard her laugh, and it's very... strange! She's usually so serious. My idea doesn't seem as brilliant as I thought.

"Forget it, Ona," says Leah. "Even if we managed to get out, there's no way to get back without going through 'reception.' It's a lost cause."

"Anyway, the discussion is over since I'm not taking you out of here."

"Don't tell me you've never broken the rules?" I tease.

"Bronze is too attached to the rules to break them," Leah replies, to which Bronze agrees.

"Don't mess with me," I laugh. "Don't try to make me believe that!"

"Believe what?" she asks, tilting her head.

"That you were this model girl who never broke a single rule. I don't believe it!"

She raises an eyebrow for a moment, looking perplexed. Then she smiles as if she's collected her thoughts.

"Oh yeah? And how did you see me then?"

"Well, I don't know. Definitely not as this model girl."

"I totally see her like that," comments Leah.

Leah defending my supervisor, I've seen it all! Bronze's sly smile makes me realize she's different today. I wouldn't mind more moments like these.

"How do you see me? You must have an idea if you're saying that," she says, staring at me intently. "Tell me everything."

"Well, I don't know, I told you! A little rebel in a luxurious house? Maybe you were a terror in your old high school."

"No way!" Leah interjects.

Leah pushes while Bronze smiles sincerely. She continues to eat, leaving me in the dark. She has an Audi, and I don't think her instructor's salary is that high.

"Am I getting warmer?"

"Who knows," she shrugs.

"Tsss. Well, I'll stick with the little rebel girl then..." I say, making her chuckle.

"Really? You think that about me?"

"Hmmm... Yep!"

"The only rebel at this table is you. Finish your meal instead of trying to define me."

"You'll never answer me, will you?"

"No."

"You suck."

"So do you."

"Me too? Is an educator allowed to say that to a student?"

"I allow myself all the rights with you, you should know that."

"Even to insult me?"

"You do it well, so I allow myself to do the same."

"You make a good point."

"I know."

I smile as I bring my fork to my mouth. I don't regret accepting this meal. I'm discovering a different side to her usual coldness. Her kindness is slowly breaking the ice between us. I regret taking it out on her in the first few days. I was only lashing out because I couldn't do it to my mother and her position made her my only authority here. They have nothing in common, though. I feel a special bond beginning to form between Bronze and me. She has an influence over me that no one else does. Not even the other educators, except maybe Engen. The legend describing her as the worst instructor is true. Knowing I wouldn't obey them, her colleagues always direct me to her, with the excuse that it's not their job to handle me. They just don't want to risk a scandal they would surely lose. That's something I would never dare do with Bronze. The times I've dared to stand up to her, I've regretted it the second after. I'm bound to her whether I like it or not. It kills me to admit it, but I'm starting to enjoy this situation... It's been a long time since anyone took care of me like she does. I even find myself having funny moments, even if the consequences are always less so.

"We can't go out this weekend then?"

"You're still on about that?" Leah giggles.

"Stop always wanting more, Ona. I said no, and no means no," Bronze tells me.

"But we'll be bored here," I sigh.

"Do you want me to keep you busy? I can surely find plenty of things for you to do before I leave."

I give her a dark look, which seems to amuse her.

"Ha, ha, ha!" I laugh falsely. "Seriously! You may tire me out every day, but it's boring to go to bed at ten every night."

"You're not alone this weekend. Keep yourselves busy. I don't know, watch movies or read a book. You have access to the common room."

"That's just as boring. There's too many people to watch what we want," Leah cuts in.

"Nonsense. There's hardly anyone there. There are only about twenty of you here. There are usually over three hundred of you."

"That's still too many to get what we want," Leah adds, making Bronze sigh desperately.

"I can't do anything for you. I'm not staying here this weekend."

"We'll manage, as usual," I reply, disappointed.

"All I can do is lend you books or put a couple of movies on a USB stick. You have a computer, Ona; you can watch them on that if you don't have a TV downstairs."

"I already have a hard drive full of movies..."

"Well then! You know what to do."

"Hmm..."

"Stop sulking. I can't do more. Plus, I have to leave soon."

"Are you expected somewhere?"

"She has a life outside of work, Ona."

"Exactly, Williamson," she smiles. "And I realize I have to leave now. I wish you a good weekend, and remember that two days can go by quickly."

"Hmm... Have a good weekend too," I grumble.

"Stop sulking. You should be happy not to have me on your back for two days. By the way, let's agree. No nonsense this time, okay?"

"No," Leah responds immediately. "I want to have my next weekend."

"Same for me."

"Good," she smiles. "See you on Monday then."

"See you on Monday," Leah and I reply.

I watch her walk away with her tray, not turning around once. I think after this meal, her presence this weekend wouldn't have bothered me. Too bad she has other plans.

"Bronze is still cool," says Leah.

"Yeah, it depends on the moments."

"She ate with us and offered us movies. I think that's nice of her; she didn't have to."

"That's true," I sigh. "She's made things so hard for me lately, yet I see a completely different side of her now. I didn't even know she could laugh!"

"She's just doing her job during her hours, that's all."

"I was thinking the same thing... She must be so different outside the camp."

I don't know how she puts up with me. I would have a hard time doing it myself. I need to stop projecting all my resentment onto her. She bears the brunt of my mood and character, even though she has nothing to do with how I feel inside. This meal made me realize a lot of things. It woke me up and showed me Bronze's true face. She's nothing like the person I thought she was. It's time I made some new efforts.

"Well, after all, Bronze isn't wrong. Two days is nothing. Should we watch a movie tonight?"

I need to look at things positively. I'm not alone this weekend. Leah is with me, and I like her a lot. She's the second person I've gotten closest to here thanks to our shared punishment. She pretends to only care about her own interests, but I know that's not true. She was ready to take the blame for our water fight if Bronze had scolded us. We're very similar deep down, and that's why I appreciate her. I agree with her idea, which motivates us to leave the dining hall in a good mood.