#joshua graham x you

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

hi i just wanted to say i LOVE lovelovelove how you write and how you keep your headcanons of how these ghouls would act as partners pretty damn realistic as compared to other writers ive read from. also i HEAVILY enjoy how you write dear old joshua graham and explore how him being a legate for ~30 years would affect his mentality. like yes hes god fearing and tries to do right by the bible but he was also the meanest bitch for a long time that evil doesnt just leave you once you decide to pick up a bible again. it has made me think about him in a whole new way and most of the ways i think about him now are even more debauched than before and for that i thank you. youre amazing never stop writing and sharing your writing! and i hope you recover quickly and as painlessly as possible from your covid

This is so sweet! Thank you so much. I do try hard to incorporate a lot of realism into my ideas (as much as one can have in a post-apocalyptic sci-fi setting, that is), mostly because I think it makes them at least a little easier to connect to. But I believe it also helps to distinguish the characters who don't get a lot of lines/screen time from one another when you make them feel a little more real.

I totally understand why fans who hate Joshua hate him, but he's just far too interesting a character in terms of his history and his perspective for me to not be at least a little obsessed with him. Plus, you know, the way he's clearly oozing that special brand of religious sexual repression and/or personal fear of intimacy that eventually leaves you a foaming-at-the-mouth freak. That's the shit I like, tbh.

I'd argue that one of the things that fuels Joshua's inner debauchery the most is how vehemently he denies it even exists. Yes, he admits to being an overtly bloodthirsty and angry person in the past (and I think he'd be pretty frank in divulging that he still deals with anger every single day), but how could he deny it? There's historical record of what a shitty, violent person he's been in the past. His personal perversions, however, he can completely deny the existence of as long as he can keep them under wraps/ignore them. It's when he meets someone who makes that denial difficult or impossible that things get both sexy and very messy.

There's no way that man wouldn't resent you at least a little for making him so horny all the time, even if he really likes and respects you as a person. More likely he'd resent you a lot. Joshua gets angry with you, not because of anything you've done, but because you prove to him that he's failed to purge himself of his uglier characteristics, those he deeply wishes he could just pray away: his punitive jealousy, his lust, his desire for control. He wants you deeply, but you also torment him.

Anyway, I'm never upset to hear that I've made someone look at a character differently (but in, like, an off-beat horny way). Thanks for reading!

[stoat-party]

One thing people forget about Joshua Graham is that he’s just casually immune to all drugs.

He doesn’t give any explanation beyond that one line. He was just genetically engineered to be the perfect Mormon, I guess.

[vaulthistorian]

With You Nearby.

Summary: Spending a nice evening by the fire with Joshua, and things get a little out of hand.

CW: Really none, readers gender/identity is not specified. No NSFW, but alluded to.

~~~

The stars in the sky reminded you of the path you were on. The glimmering light that freckled the dark blanket of the vast expanse beyond made you feel less alone on these colder nights. The Mojave rarely got cold, but the odd times you'd hit a dead zone in radiation the temperature would drop.

You were glad for your cloak and armor, it weighed you down and added some warmth to your body.

Of course you'd not come alone, as was evident by the shuffling on the rock across from you. But oftentimes the warmth of another couldn't stop you from feeling singled out by the horrors of the world that persist to taunt you. They exist for no other reason than to cause you pain.

"Falling asleep on me?" The near baritone voice of your favorite Mormon survivalist. His tone was scratchy, the lack of water from Zion left him quieter than usual, as he had less strength to cast his voice.

You tilted your head, catching him in your view as you lay on the cool rock ground, a hint of a smile gracing your lips.

"Thinking."

He hummed in response, gripping two stones between his hands and striking them together. The crashing rocks sending sparks toward a small pile of sticks and grass that you'd accumulated over the course of your journey.

He exhaled shortly when the sparks caught on some dried patches of grass, little flickers of warmth rising up from the heart and catching on.

"We'll be warm tonight." He said as he sat, his eyes looking across the fire at you. In the darkness you couldn't see his eye color, on the flames that rose and danced within the snare of his intense gaze.

Although you still liked to think of the sea blue gaze that you'd catch along the dusty roads back to a place you'd dared to call home.

Joshua was alright to follow you, he didn't protest when you brought him from Zion, and when you saw to it that his people made a sayve journey back to their refuge. Then he decided he'd follow, wherever you led he would not hesitate. Not like he used to. He was no coward.

"Get closer." Joshua broke the silence again when he noticed your shivers in the warm glow the fire cast over the pale light.

You couldn't help thinking if he meant for you to get closer to the fire or him. In any sense, he meant the fire.

You shuffled a bit closer, bringing your feet toward the lapping flames and they selflessly warmed your flesh.

"It should only be a little longer, then we can get off our feet and rest in proper beds." You said to Joshua, your hands locking around your knees in a curled position.

"As long as we make pace." Joshua relaxed with the fire going, taking out his bible from the rucksack he'd come to carry for you. Despite it having gone through a lot, it held on, allowing Joshua to hold the leather in his hands once more.

He was peaceful when he read, the atmosphere was not too tough, but not too loose. You were content with him.

The sounds of critters rummaging in the night had you shifting, crawling to the right of Joshua, the other side of the rucksack. His gaze flicked from his book to you as you drew closer. He didn't say anything, but opened an arm invitingly so that you may come closer.

"What are you reading?" You asked him softly. You didn't always care, and yet you knew he enjoyed sharing from time to time.

"Job 1:20 forward." He replied simply, feeling you press into his side, your body seeking out his warmth. Joshua wrapped his arm around your shoulder, keeping his hand curled loosely so it did not touch you.

"Would you like me to read it to you?" He asked softly, tilting his head a bit and showing you the passage.

You shuffled and brought your hand to his chest. "Mm, no thanks, I'd rather just watch you." You teased, your finger lightly guiding his head toward you.

"Oh, would you? Don't want a late night bible story?" He asked back as your fingers came up to his jaw, running the pad of your thumb over the warm bandages.

"You could... Say some other things to me, but I don't know if the bible is the right thing." You teased and stroked his chin, and he discarded the book gently down onto the Mojave dune. His arms wrapped around you, dipping you down against the ground and leaning against your ear.

"You know how I'd love to do that..." He pressed his mouth right beside your ear, situating himself between your hips.

You situated yourself and pulled your duster off, teasing your fingers under his vest, against his bandages. "Who else is gonna sleep with you out here? I'm sure the big man upstairs wouldn't mind." You teased, feeling his hands drag you a smidge closer to his hips.

Joshua bristled with a sense of excitement, and he willed himself to believe you were right. He kissed your cheek, then your mouth, and brought your hips into his lap to undo your belt.

"Let's hope you're right..."

[thebutterflyofthemojave]

Like father like daughter

Make a moodboard for my courier 6 and her father

[brightfiction]

This has been my after work project for a week or so now. Wanted to make a tarot card for my favorite goody two shoes courier, Evie, and Joshua. Where my courier/joshua shippers at?!

[thecursivej]

I will be FORWARDING MY THERAPY BILL CAUSE THIS WHOLE FIC MADE ME SOB IN THE CAR!!! So good but also OW!

I added a new chapter to my fallout New Vegas fic and I hope you all like it ^_^

[seva-over]

HIS VERY HEART

Joshua Graham x reader (romantic)

Warnings: (unresolved?) romantic tension, Joshua having doubts about himself, (a tiny bit of) religious themes, angst with a (kinda) happy ending.

-ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ- -ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ- -ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ-

You must have been an angel. With your sharp wit and your burning desire to help, your beautiful eyes and your voice. With the way you’d play your guitar and the way your hair would flow in the wind. The way you’d splash in the water had his heart racing. You were an angel. At least to Joshua.

To say that Joshua was enamored by you would be an understatement. He loved you with every fiber of his being, though he thought himself to be unworthy of you. Every time you spoke to him, it was like he suddenly forgot the constant pain of his burns. You were so sweet and patient with him. The silence between you was always comfortable.

You loved sitting next to him and playing relaxing tunes while he read the Bible or cleaned his many guns. He wanted you to share his last name. He wanted to look at you and see the same love he felt for you in your eyes. Joshua was ashamed of how many times he’d almost called you “wife”.

Radiant. It was one of the many words Joshua could use to describe you. You were the total opposite of the man – sweet, enthusiastic, lively, optimistic. Joshua had never taken himself as the optimistic type. He was a warrior, a leader, a prophet, anything, but not the sweet man you needed. He was not the man you deserved. Or so he wanted to think.

Surely, he realized that your kind gestures – offering to help with his burns, bringing him trinkets because they made you think of him, cleaning the Angel cave – weren’t made to gain his favor. And even though he refused your help most of the time – not out of distrust, but out of fear, – he still respected you. Sometimes, in the dark of the night, he couldn’t help imagining your gentle hands changing his bandages instead of his own rough and calloused ones.

You were so precious to him. He loved the silent company you’d keep him late at night, when most of the Dead Horses were asleep. He could swear you shone every time he spoke to you. Or maybe it was the lighting...

It was a rainy morning when you came to the Angel cave with a full bag slung over your shoulder. You had just gotten a message from your companions, saying you had to return to Mojave quickly. Still, you weren’t one to leave without saying goodbye first. You took off your hat and shook it lightly, the raindrops falling from it onto the cave wall with a soft sound. Fixing your hat back on your head, you made your way further inside. You were met with the comforting sight of Joshua’s residence, but found his usual spot empty. You hummed to yourself and called out his name. No reply. You sighed to yourself.

“Dammit,” you whispered, shaking your head. “Why did he have to disappear now?”

You decided to ask the others about Joshua’s whereabouts. The most you had gotten out of them was “He’s away on an important mission”, and it wasn’t anywhere near enough.

Eventually, you had to go. Your Pip-Boy beeped with another message, Arcade and Veronica rushing you. You clenched your jaw as your said your goodbyes, your eyes darting around in hope to catch any sight of Joshua. But he never appeared to say goodbye. You felt tears building up in your eyes. You wanted to believe that he was just really busy, but something in the back of your mind kept telling you he just couldn’t wait to get rid of you. After all, you were just an annoying courier, bothering him with your unneeded advice.

And so, after bidding farewell to the tribes, you made your way out of Zion. You had to move on.

-ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ- -ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ- -ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ-

Just a few hours later, Joshua returned to the Angel’s cave. He was holding a handmade bag, one of your many gifts, filled with flowers. He entered the cave and set the flowers out to dry next to a small lamp, but paused once he noticed something on his workbench. He approached it curiously to find a note. Slowly, he unfolded it, and a small object fell out. Joshua was quick to catch it, and his eyes widened when he saw what the object was.

It was an intricately detailed pendant – your pendant. He opened it with trembling fingers to find a tiny picture inside. It was the one you took of you both. You were smiling in the picture while Joshua sat at his workbench; the way his eyes twinkled when you took the photo told you he was enjoying your company. As Joshua looked at the photo, he remembered your camera. You would always carry it around and take photos of the most absurd things – it was just one of the many things he loved about you. His eyes burned with an unfamiliar sting.

Joshua clutched the pendant tightly as he read the note. It said that you were going back to the Mojave desert and that you were sorry for not being able to say a proper goodbye. It all made sense now. Normally, you’d be at the cave at that time already, telling him stories and playing your guitar. But now, your guitar was examined by the always curious Dead Horses, and you were nowhere to be seen. You were gone.

His gaze traveled to the drying flowers in the corner. He had picked them for you, knowing that you’d love them for your little traveling journal. Joshua closed his eyes. He couldn’t look. He couldn’t look at either gift because he knew you’d left and he wasn’t there to bid you farewell. And so he stood there, clutching the pendant with his eyes shut and his heart aching.

-ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ- -ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ- -ˋˏ ༻❁✿❀༺ ˎˊ-

A couple days later, you were surprised to be met with a fellow courier. He smiled as he noticed your clothes – you were just as he was told you’d look. You accepted a small package from him with suspicion. Who could it have been from? When the courier was gone, you headed to the nearest safe building to open the gift.

You entered an empty store, your only source of light being your Pip-Boy. You sat down on the counter and slowly unwrapped the packaging. What you saw inside made you cover your mouth with a gasp.

You were met with the sight of a worn-down Bible. It was old but obviously loved, and you knew whose gift it was. You picked it up with a shaky hand, tears building up in your eyes. The very idea that Joshua would give you his Bible, his very heart… You sobbed quietly, hugging the precious book to yourself. You knew at that moment: he cared. He cared more than any words could ever describe. You were precious to him, and so was he for you. That was when you felt something falling out of the Bible and onto your lap. Confused, you looked down. A dry flower. You opened the book and sure enough, you saw a collection of dry flowers inside. You carefully took one in your hand – a white hollyhock. You wondered to yourself where he could have gotten them, but didn’t dwell on it for too long. The thought that he had gotten those for you was both painful and heart-warming.

Soon enough, you were making your way out of the store. Your expression remained weary, your hands clutching your rifle, but a small tear was drying on your cheek. The Bible was safe in your bag, along with the flowers inside it. You knew now where you’d be going the moment the Second Battle of Hoover Dam was over. But now you had to focus on your task to bring down the Legion and NCR, and free New Vegas.

After all, you couldn’t expect God to do all the work.

[fantasyescapes17]

Scandal (Part 2)

The Viscount's sister with an enormous dowry, beauty and unmistakable talent- you began the London season as the most desired woman in any room. But Jeon Wonwoo (a man who would rather hide in the library than dance at a ball) is beyond your comprehension. Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it embroiled you into a scandal with a man you could never love.

Genre: Wonwoo x Female!reader. Regency!AU (It's sort of Bridgerton-esque in the sense that I give zero attention to historical accuracy and prioritize aesthetics lmao) You are Joshua's sibling so your maiden name is Hong but the reader has no other physical characteristics.

Word Count: 3.5k

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

Series Masterlist [Reading Candle and Manners, the earlier installments in this series first is strongly recommended as main character dynamics are introduced there.]

Your entire body felt numb. 

"It's all over," you whispered. "I'm ruined, I'm ruined, I'm ruined…."

Your sister-in-law held you tightly in her arms as you trembled like a leaf. You had been shaking uncontrollably all evening; ever since you had been discovered by Baron Wright in the library of the Graham's manor, alone with Mr. Jeon Wonwoo. 

There was no doubt in your mind of your situation. You had just become the main character of this season's juiciest scandal. 

"You are not ruined," the Viscountess tried to reassure you as she rubbed your back comfortingly. "It will be resolved. Joshua will take care of things. Come my dear, come closer to the fire, you're shivering…"

"I am not cold," you protested but the Viscountess would have none of it. She gently guided you to an armchair in front of the fire and wrapped a warm blanket around your shoulders. 

"It will be fine," your sister-in-law continued to reassure you. Her words were kind but hollow. You knew that it would not be fine. To have been caught alone with a man in a distant corner of a manor and in a compromising position….

You felt faint. 

I'm ruined. 

The door to the drawing room opened and you sat up abruptly as your brother entered swiftly and tossed his coat onto the armchair. His expression made your heart sink. 

The Viscountess ran to greet her husband. "Joshua, what has happened-"

"I am so sorry, sister," Joshua said to you gently. Your heart sank painfully into your stomach as Joshua paced up and down the drawing room.  He pressed his fingers to his temples. "I tried; I begged Baron Wright to be reasonable but he would not listen to me. He feels jilted, since he was planning to propose to you. I even offered him money but… he-he has already told too many people. The rumour has spread beyond control."

Your chest felt tight. 

"Don't say that, don't…"

"I'm sorry."

The blanket around your shoulders suddenly felt hot and constricting, as though it was suffocating you. You threw it off and onto the floor roughly before standing up. 

"I will speak to Baron Wright myself-"

The Viscountess stopped you by gently taking your arms. "My dear, no. You will only make it worse-"

You looked at her in despair. "Then what am I to do? Am I to sit here quietly while that-that odious Baron defames me before the entire ton? Should I watch patiently while he ruins my reputation?" you spat, trembling. 

Joshua sighed. "Sister, please think for a moment. It will only escalate the situation further and confirm the rumours if we act in haste. I… I think we should try to handle this calmly and rationally."

"How?" you demanded. You did not see any calm or rational way of dealing with the waking nightmare that you had been plunged into.  

"Mr. Jeon has returned to his home to speak to his family, but he will come here in some time," Joshua told you. He gave you a wary look. "He has assured me that he will marry you."

You felt like you had been slapped. 

"Marry Mr. Jeon?" you whispered in horror. "Marry him?"

"I know you are not fond of each other, sister, but I know Mr. Jeon well. He is a gentleman and will do whatever is necessary to protect your honour. Perhaps, if we can persuade the ton that you were already engaged to him before tonight…"

You could not accept this. Your mind could not even begin to fathom the idea of being married to Mr. Jeon. You recoiled at the thought. 

"I will not marry him," you hissed, trembling. "I have done nothing wrong. I will not, I will not, I will not-"

Your sister-in-law embraced you tightly and you began shaking uncontrollably once more. She gently sat you back down in the armchair and then turned to her husband with a sigh. 

"I think your sister has had too much for one evening," she told the Viscount. "Let us give her some time before we speak of marriage. Surely Mr. Jeon will not withdraw his offer if she does not accept it tonight. And… we shall have to inform your mother."

Joshua ran his fingers through his hair and nodded.

"Yes," he sighed. "Yes, you are right. I will send word to Mr. Jeon to hold off for the moment. Perhaps we had all better go to bed for now." 

You felt sick. 

"I can't go to bed, how am I supposed to go to bed-" you mumbled. 

Your sister-in-law sighed. Her tone suddenly became firm; it was no surprise that she had raised her younger siblings by herself. 

"You will go to bed because that is the only thing that can be done now. I will not hear of anything else. Come with me now."

—---------------------------------------------------

Ella Williams was sobbing so hard that you could barely understand a word she said. 

Your cousin had come running to see you the next day, as soon as word of the scandal reached her ears. Her explanations and apologies were incomprehensible in a garbled mix of sobs and wails.

Your head ached. You had not slept. 

"Ella," you interrupted her quietly. "I don't blame you-"

She was not listening. Through her choked explanations you were able to piece together a picture of the events of the previous evening- Ella had been asked to dance the third dance by Mr. Xu Minghao, a gentleman that she had been pursuing for many months. Her promise to you was forgotten; and when Baron Wright approached her after the third dance asking if she had seen you, she informed him that you were looking at the piano upstairs and would be down shortly. 

“Never-never thought he would-sob-follow you-hic- my cousin, I am devastated-” Ella sobbed. 

You could not listen to her any longer. 

The Viscountess was much more intuitive- she noticed that despite your lack of tears and stiff expression, your composure was on the verge of cracking. She hurried to comfort Ella and took your sobbing cousin out of the room to have her sent home in the family carriage.

You sat silently in the drawing room. Your fists were clenched so tightly that your nails were digging painfully into your palms. 

Once Ella was gone, your mother came and sat beside you. 

“My dear,” your mother told you gently. “I know this is difficult for you. But time is of the essence. We must announce your engagement to Mr. Jeon.” 

You flinched. "I cannot. Not when I have not even done anything to deserve… I mean, we did not…” you turned and looked at your mother desperately. “There was nothing between myself and Mr. Jeon. You do believe me, mother?” 

Your mother sighed. “It does not matter what I believe. The ton will assume-” 

“But the ton is wrong. I have never even danced with that man, much less touched him. It is all a misunderstanding and in time I am certain that everything will be forgotten and brushed under the rug-” 

Your mother looked at you pitifully. “My dear.” 

You felt a burst of anger. Why would none of them understand? There was no need for you to marry Mr. Jeon because your virtue had not been compromised. It was simply a matter of clarifying that you had done nothing more than speak to the man, and it would be resolved. Well; perhaps Baron Wright would not court you but there were plenty of other young men, and in a short time it would all be forgotten. 

“I need to correct this misunderstanding,” you decided firmly. You stood up and gathered your skirts. You could not hide indoors in this manner. You had to seek out the gossip and crush it yourself. “I must go immediately to the assembly rooms.” 

Your mother looked horrified. “My dear, no-” 

“I must.” 

You ignored your mother’s desperate cries and hurried outside, ordering the butler to send for your carriage immediately. The butler was startled but did not have the courage to protest. It was not his place to tell you that you looked too wild to be in company; your eyes were red and had bags underneath them from lack of sleep. 

You were the sister of a Viscount. You were rich and beautiful and intelligent. 

You did not fear the ton. 

You walked up to the assembly rooms and took a deep breath before entering them with the same confidence you always had. The entrance hall where the card tables were set up was crowded; it took a few moments for your arrival to be noticed but slowly, gradually, the noise of conversation and the shuffling of cards died down. 

In less than a minute, the room was plunged into complete silence. 

Every single pair of eyes in the room was on you. 

It struck you: suddenly, and violently, what a terrible mistake you had made. You had gone through most of your life in the public eye and being the centre of attention was not new to you. Being a Viscount’s sister, you had been the subject of society's admiration, scrutiny and envy for as long as you could remember. It had left you numb to the general and uninformed opinion of others. You believed yourself unaffected by what others thought of you. 

But this was new. You had never experienced anything quite like this before. 

You were now the subject of ridicule and pity. 

Your stomach lurched and you wanted to die of shame, wanted nothing more than to run all the way home and wash yourself of the dirty gaze of the ton and hide underneath the blankets so that nobody could ever look at you this way again. You felt small and pathetic and weak. 

You turned and ran; out onto the street where your carriage was still waiting at the corner. You climbed inside and made sure to slam the door and close the curtain behind you before you allowed yourself to collapse, for the first time since this nightmare had begun, into tears. 

The sobs originated deep in your throat and were beyond your control. You had been holding yourself together at the seams for too long and all the built-up emotions exploded like a dam bursting. 

You barely heard the knock on the carriage door. There was a brief pause, and then the door opened a crack. Mr. Jeon Wonwoo was standing before it- dressed handsomely in a dark riding coat with his lips pressed together tightly in a straight line as he took in the sight of you having an emotional breakdown in the carriage. 

“Miss Hong,” he greeted quietly. “May I…?” 

You could not have answered him if you tried. Your throat was raw and you were still incapacitated from the involuntary sobs. Mr. Jeon seemed to realise that a response would not come. In one swift and graceful moment, he entered the carriage and closed the door sharply behind him.

Then he sat across from you and said nothing. 

He sat in silence for a long time. Your sobs gradually died down until eventually you were too tired, too exhausted to cry any more. Mr. Jeon waited patiently. He had the decency not to stare at you; his eyes were politely averted to the side and fixed on a random engraving on the carriage wall. Now and then his dark gaze would flicker towards you and then back to the engraving. 

Mr. Jeon finally broke the silence by offering you his handkerchief. 

You stared down at it for a long moment. It was merely a simple white handkerchief- one that any gentleman would offer a lady shedding tears in his presence. But you saw the calm, patient gaze in his eyes. 

The gesture was, for lack of a better word, a truce. 

You accepted the handkerchief and wiped your eyes and nose silently. 

Mr. Jeon finally cleared his throat. “Are you feeling better, Miss Hong?” he asked. “I apologise for entering the carriage but, well…” he trailed off and sighed. “I thought it would be better than to be seen standing outside, and at this point I suppose propriety is not the foremost concern on your mind.” 

You swallowed. “I am fine.” 

“We should discuss our situation.”

“Yes, well,” you mumbled as you crumpled his handkerchief in your fist. “In case it was not already evident, this ‘situation’ is only now beginning to sink in for me. Although it must please you to see me brought to the mercy of my own vanity; you have often delighted in pointing it out.” 

Mr. Jeon bit his lip. “Nothing about this situation pleases me. I am sorry.”

You frowned at him. Mr. Jeon could be difficult to read, but for once you understood him with perfect clarity. I’m sorry was not an expression of apology or regret. It was sympathy. He was offering his condolences for the brutal end of the life you knew, that you had hoped to lead. 

“Don’t pity me,” you snapped. 

“I was not-” 

“You were. I don’t want your pity. I can take responsibility for my own actions and I am prepared to suffer their consequences. I am a grown woman and you will treat me like one.” 

He folded his arms across his chest and nodded. 

“If you wish. But you are not making the situation any easier for yourself. Your brother informed me that you have refused my offer of marriage,” Mr. Jeon noted quietly. “Naturally, that is entirely your choice. Our acquaintance has not been a smooth one, I know. It is for you to decide whether marrying me is a worse punishment than being rejected and ridiculed by the ton.” 

You looked up at him. “That is a valiant attempt to simplify a complicated decision. Which is the lesser punishment in your view?”

Mr. Jeon blinked. He took a deep breath- his tense jaw relaxed slightly and you could almost see him visibly letting down his guard. 

“Being a man, I have less to fear from the ridicule of the ton than you. But my conscience remains equally troubled in both circumstances. So, I will leave it to you, Miss Hong, since you evidently have far more at stake. My offer to marry you remains open,” he replied diplomatically.  

“You will not resent me?” you asked. “For forcing you into a marriage without love?” 

“I can assure you that any resentment between us would only be from your end; I never had much interest or inclination to marry. I am well aware, however, that you were being courted by multiple eligible gentlemen and were probably intending to marry for love.” 

“I am certain none of those eligible gentlemen will have me now,” you scoffed.  

Mr. Jeon did not reply. 

“I am not sure that- even if we were to marry…” you trailed off and hesitated. “Joshua was right, if we had announced an engagement immediately it might have been brushed under the rug but I am afraid that it is too late now to cover up even with a marriage.” 

“Perhaps not immediately. It might be best to avoid London society for some time. My family’s estate in the countryside is far enough removed from London. If you were to accept my offer, we could live there for some time and return to London after enough time has passed for the worst of it to end.” 

You paused. It was not the life you had ever pictured living. You loved London, loved the society and the balls and the glamour of the ton. You loved being the centre of attention and having a bustling life. 

Or at least you had. 

Considering your current position, moving to a remote countryside estate where you would not have to face any members of the ton almost sounded like a blessing in disguise. You could feel the scales slowly starting to shift. Perhaps Mr. Jeon was right. If enough time passed, you could return to London as a married woman and society’s attention would be far too occupied by the latest bachelors to remember exactly how your marriage began. 

Mr. Jeon raised an eyebrow as he watched you struggle with yourself. 

“Or…” he suggested. “You could try to go back to the assembly rooms now.” 

You felt it creeping up on you… a mild, unpleasant, sickening feeling. The walls of denial and desperation and pride were crumbling. They could not last long in the face of Mr. Jeon’s calm and logical words. 

You were slowly beginning to feel resigned to your fate. 

“No,” you mumbled. “I cannot go back there. Let us marry.” 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You married Mr. Jeon Wonwoo in a quiet ceremony on a Monday morning. 

It was so methodical and mundane that you barely felt as though you had attended a wedding at all, much less your own.

Weddings were meant to be spectacular displays of love and adoration where two hopeful young people promised their lives to each other. You remembered your brother's wedding just last season: the flowers, and the blushing bride, and the gorgeous wedding dress, and the music as the happy couple left the church. 

There were no flowers at your wedding. There was no gorgeous wedding dress. There was no music. 

There was certainly no happy couple.  

It was a simple ceremony attended by none other than your mother, brother, and sister-in-law from your end, and Mr. Jeon’s parents, sister and brother-in-law. Once you had both made your vows briefly in front of the priest, you went home to ensure that all your things were packed. 

“I have packed seven evening dresses, ten daytime gowns and six nightgowns, miss,” Minnie told you hurriedly as she flew around the room in a frenzy. You sat on the edge of the bed and watched her quietly. “You must give this letter to your new ladies’ maid once you arrive. I have written out washing instructions for each of the gowns.”

She thrust a letter into your hands and then seemed to decide better of herself; she took it back and placed it neatly in the trunk. 

“There. Your new ladies’ maid should find it when she unpacks your things. Now- there is not enough space in the trunk so I will have the rest of your things sent via a later carriage. There are so many other things to take care of- oh! What about your pianoforte? It will not fit in the carriage now but perhaps I can have it dismantled and-” 

You frowned. “Leave the pianoforte here.” 

“Of course! My apologies, miss, what was I thinking? It is far too valuable to be placed on a carriage. I will think of some way to have it sent to you-” 

The door opened and your maid’s rambling was cut short by your mother- the Dowager Viscountess- entering the room. Her eyes were red and you had the feeling that she had been crying. She gave you a small smile. 

“It is time, my dear. Mr. Jeon is waiting downstairs,” your mother told you gently.  

You embraced her. She took a shuddering breath and forced a smile as she patted you on the back. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into her shoulder. 

“Of course not, child. You have nothing to be sorry for. Sometimes things happen to us that we do not expect. But I am confident that I raised a strong young woman who can handle anything that comes her way. I love you always.” 

You thanked her and went downstairs. The Jeons’ carriage was waiting in front of your house. Your brother stood near the door to the carriage and he gave you a soft smile. He leaned down to pat your head gently. 

“Well,” the Viscount said in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Look who is a married woman now.” 

You frowned at him. “Joshua.” 

His eyes softened and he smiled at you kindly. “I will miss you, sister.” 

“I will miss you, too.” 

There was a small yip at your feet; your maid had brought Snowball out on his leash and Joshua lifted the little white dog into the carriage before helping you inside. 

Mr. Jeon- your husband- was already seated inside. He placed Snowball on the seat beside him before closing the door behind you and helping you settle in. The carriage slowly began to rattle forward on the cobblestone street towards your new home. 

“We have a long journey ahead of us,” Wonwoo told you quietly. 

You had a long journey ahead of you, indeed- and it began here, and now as you left behind your entire life, identity, dreams and hopes. You would begin this long journey as a new person. 

As Mrs. Jeon. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[everydayyoulovemeless]

FNV Masterlist

Oneshots / Drabbles

Acta Non Verba - Arcade x Reader

Vault 22 - Arcade x Reader

Obedient - Arcade x Reader (NSFW)

Disheveled- Arcade x Reader (NSFW)

Dear Hearts - Cass x Reader

Adventure - Dean x Reader

Old Fashioned - The King x Reader

A Night Out - Veronica x Reader

Metallic Embrace - Yes Man x Reader

Headcanons / Reactions

Arcade NSFW Alphabet

Boone SFW Alphabet

Cass SFW Alphabet

Joshua SFW Alphabet

Joshua NSFW Alphabet

Yandere Joshua Alphabet

Mr. House NSFW Alphabet

Ulysses SFW Alphabet

Ulysses NSFW Alphabet

Victor NSFW Alphabet

Vulpes NSFW Alphabet

Yes Man NSFW Alphabet

Romantic Benny HCs

Romantic Benny HCs: 2

Romantic Dr. Dala HCs

Romantic Ulysses HCs

Romantic Yes Man HCs

Arcade, Boone, and Raul as Yandere's

How the Companions (+Yes Man and Victor) Show Their Love

Companions When You Come Out As Queer

Working For Mr. House After Hoover Dam

The Companions Taste In Music

Dean, Christine, and God/Dog as Yandere’s

How The Companions (+Yes Man and The King) Act When They’re Jealous

Companions (+Yes Man and Benny) Reactions To Being Taken To The Sierra Madre

Arcade With A S/O Who Has 1 Intelligence

How The Companions (+Benny and Joshua) React When You’re Exhausted

Companions Living Together

Big MT Scientists With A Sick!Reader

Living in Big MT with the Think Tank

Companions With A Bad Karma!Reader

Companions (+Christine and Benny) With A Shy!Courier

Birthday HCs

FNV Companions Interacting With Fo4 Companions

Clingy!Boone HCs

Joshua Graham With A M!Courier

FNV Companions Reactions To Being Taken To Big MT

Companions (+Victor and Yes Man) Ranked From Best to Worst Yandere’s

Companion's Reactions To Having Killed One Of The Predators

Companions Reactions To Killing A Xenomorph

Companions (+Ulysses) With A Teen!Courier

Brother!Arcade, Hancock, Fawkes, and Gob With a Teen!Reader

Companions Reactions to it Snowing

Compsanions (+Yes Man, Victor, and Benny) Responses to No Nut November

Ulysses, Joshua, Dean, Christine, and Follows-Chalk Reactions To No Nut November

Companions (+Yes Man, Victor, and Benny) Responses to Destroy Dick December

Ulysses, Joshua, Dean, Christine, and Follows-Chalk Responses to Destroy Dick December

Arcade, Raul, Vulpes, Ulysses, and Joshua Parenting an Orphan Child

Companions Reactions to a Courier who Speaks Latin

Companions (+Vulpes) With a Top F!Courier

Comepanions (+Christine, Dean, and God/Dog) Reacting to a Ghost Seeker Who's Still Sentient

HCs For Working Under General Lee Oliver

Fo4 Robots Meeting The New Vegas Robots

Arcade, Curie, Lily, Fawkes, and Marcus's Reactions to a Scientist Researching FEV 

Companions Reactions to the Courier Faking an Orgasm

Faking An Orgasm With Benny, Victor, Yes Man, and Joshua

“First Time” With The Companions

Companions Reactions to Various Wild Wasteland Encounter

[blackmoonowl]

Fallout masterlist

New Vegas:

Joshua Graham:

SFW Alphabet

Fallout 4:

Deacon:

SFW Alphabet

John 'McDonough' Hancock:

Dating headcanons

SFW Alphabet

'Did you enjoy yourself last night?' [prompt 4]

'Could you be happy here with me?' [Prompt 14]

Nick Valentine:

dating headcanons

SFW Alphabet

Paladin Danse:

Dating Headcanons

The Aftermath - Danse needs comfort after being banished from the Brotherhood.

Porter Gage

SFW alphabet.

Open Season [You turn on the Nuka world raiders, shocking your lover]

"It's just you and me." - [prompt 40]

Robert Joseph MacCready:

Headcanons:

Dating Headcanons

SFW Headcanons

Things that he would probably like:

Prompts/oneshots:

Christmas Celebrations [X-mas special oneshot]

'Oh my god you're in love with her!' + 'The way you flirt is shameful.' [Prompt 1 and 7]

'H-how long have you been standing there?' [Prompt 12]

'Move away from the door and let me at him!' [Prompt 27]

'you know, you can stay if you want to.' [Prompt 37]

'I'm not pissed, i'm hurt!' [Prompt 38]

Multiple:

Valentine and Hancock with a reckless/injured S/O [hcs]

Jealous lover - Danse, Valentine, MacCready, and Hancock [HC]

Things they only do for you - Danse, Valentine, MacCready and Hancock

Separation anxiety - Romance companions + X6-88, Valentine & Deacon

[summercourtship]

joshua graham x courier six playlist. meant to be listened to in order. i normally make these with a four-six second overlap between the songs to help the transition.

[paradlselost]

⠀ ⠀ ˙ . ꒷ 𝓕ANDOMS . 𖦹˙

TASK FORCE 141 — john price , simon ‘ghost’ riley , john ‘soap’ mactavish , gary ‘roach’ sanderson , kyle ‘gaz’ garrack , nikolai , ++ alex keller , farah karin , alejandro vargas , rodolfo ‘rudy’ parra .

KORTAC — könig , nikto , kim ‘horangi’ hong-jin , sebastian kruger ++ valeria garza , philip graves + the shadows , vladimir makarov .

TWO — arthur morgan , john marston , dutch van der linde , hosea matthews ( platonic only ) , abigail marston , mary beth gaskill , karen jones , tilly jackson , javier escuella , sean mcguire , charles smith , lenny summers , josiah trewlany , sadie adler , molly o’shea , kieran duffy , albert mason , charles châtenay , eagle flies , proetus + acrisius .

ONE + REVOLVER — jack marston ( teen + adult only ) ++ red harlow .

NEW VEGAS — arcade gannon ( mlm only ) , benny gecko , craig boone , fantastic , jason bright , joshua graham ‘ the burned man ’ , robert house , sunny smiles , viktor , yes - man .

FOUR — nate / nora , ada , cait , curie , paladin danse , deacon , desdemona , glory , john hancock , nick valentine , piper wright , porter gage , preston garvey , robert maccready , x6 - 88 .

SHOW — lucy maclean , norm maclean , the ghoul - cooper howard , maximus , lee moldaver , thaddeus .

VOUGHT — homelander , a-train , black noir , black noir II , queen maeve , lamplighter , translucent , firecracker , sister sage , the deep , ashley barrett , soldier boy , crimson countess , stan edgar .

THE BOYS — billy butcher , hughie campbell , annie january , sergei ‘frenchie’ , kimiko , marvin milk .

OTHERS — victoria nueman , luke riordan , andre anderson , cate dunlap , marie moreau , jordan li , emma meyer , sam riordan , maverick , popclaw , webweaver .

SLASHERS — jason vorhees : friday the thirteenth , michael myers : halloween og + rz , billy loomis : scream , stu macher : scream , brahms heelshire : the boy , harry warden : my bloody valentine , billy lenz : black christmas , bo sinclair , vincent sinclair , lester sinclair : house of wax , bubba sawyer : texas chainsaw massacre , thomas hewitt : texas chainsaw massacre reboot + beginning .

FAR CRY — john seed , joseph seed , jacob seed , faith seed , sharky boshaw , jess black , hurk drubman jr , adelaide drubman , grace armstrong , jerome jeffries , eli palmer , joey hudson , staci pratt , earl whitehorse . pagan min , ajay ghale . vaas montenegro , jason brody .

BALDURS GATE 3 — orgin dark urge , gale dekarios , astarion ancunín , shadowheart , lae’zel , wyll ravengard , karlach , halsin , jaheira , minsc , minthara , dame aylin , isobel thorm , omeluum , the emperor , rolan , dammon , ketherick thorm , enver gortash , orin , kar’niss , nym , sorn , raphael .

SUPERNATURAL — dean winchester , sam winchester , castiel , gabriel , adam winchester , lucifer , michael , anna milton , charlie bradbury ( wlw only ) .

OTHER — connor : detroit become human , joe goldberg : you , eddie gluskin : outlast whistleblower , father paul hill / john pruitt : midnight mass , riley flynn : midnight mass , sheriff hassan shabazz : midnight mass , kurt wagner : x - men , remy lebeau : x - men , peter maximoff : x - men , adrian chase : peacemaker , abner krill : suicide squad , edward nashton : batman .

[vaulthistorian]

Can you do a quick little Male/ Gender neutral Courier x Joshua Graham, where They're both sitting next to the fire and the Courier scoots to sit closer to Joshua? :3

Asks! 🥰 Of course I can, hope you're satisfied.

You'd not been with the Dead Horses long. The Sorrows and Daniel had proved to hold up as allies, and your determination to help the people of Zion grew stronger the longer you stayed. The water didn't suffer the same radiation and the canyon walls were marked with drawings they held close.

But Joshua wasn't as attached to the place as Daniel. In a way you could sympathize; having had few places to truly call home for yourself.

You came back to the Dead Horse camp from visiting Daniel and the Sorrows. The fire they sat around crackled. It was clever how they had separate set ups for food vs. warmth.

You couldn't stop your little smile when you spotted Joshua among the group, sat near the fire, close enough for some warmth but no more.

"And like the prodigal son, he returns." Joshua joked softly, something new you hadn't seen from him.

"You seem lax." You came over and fluffed your duster as you sat a respectful distance from him.

He shrugged, crossing one leg over the other. One of the Dead Horse's came over with a plate and offered it to you.

"Thank you." Your stomach growled and you eagerly dug in.

Joshua found it fascinating to watch you. He saw parts of himself in you, it gave him comfort, and fear. You seemed to be able to have a strong impact on the world. On NCR and the Legion, couriers held more power than they may realize.

You felt his gaze on you, thinking, considering. You moved your plate and scooted closer, sitting nearer to him.

His eyes widen slightly before cutting off his reaction and looking back at the fire.

"You have a lot of responsibility, past Zion. Past the Mojave."

You stuffed the last bit of gecko meat into your mouth and swallowed. "Hey, if I let you take the Dead Horses, The Sorrows, and Daniel out into the Mojave, I'll make sure you're provided for wherever you end up going."

Joshua was quiet.

"So don't think this is all on you." Your hand briefly touched his knee, close enough to him your body warmth collided.

"I'm responsible enough to take care of my problems."

"Oh. A problem, are we?" He turned his head, tilting slightly.

You stare at him, something about only being able to see his eyes makes them more intense and beautiful. You smiled softly, "Well, my problem now. I don't mind."

"Somehow you always find things to say I don't expect from you..."

You lean closer, your warm breath fanning across the bandages on his chin. Before you can do anything stupid you catch yourself, his sharp eyes watching.

"Watch my lips more often, I'm sure you'll figure it out." You patted his thigh, making his eyebrows scrunch briefly.

God, you really had to send this one, didn't you? Somehow... Joshua doesn't find himself complaining. A little smile tugging at his lips. His body is relaxing with your close proximity. Looking down briefly before his eyes drew up to your lips.

Well, if you insisted. He'd pay much closer attention.

[cloangi]

Get to know me 🔥

**Post may be updated every so often to change wording, to add/delete things, etc

--------------------

Ima keep this short enough so you can actually read it.

General things about me:

15 years old

Only do art as a hobby (so no money taking or commissions people)

Art consists of my fandom fixations

You can refer to me as Baaz or Keegan/Keegs. Either one works, I don't care 🤷‍♂️

This blog is completely minor friendly and always gonna be SFW and rated E for everyone 🗣🔥

I am fine with people sending me DM's‼️ Just don't make it weird (you already know what I mean by that 💀)

You guys can send me asks (pls send some cause I don't ever get any 😔🙏)! But not for things such as donations or weird suff, things like that will be deleted.

One last thing, in terms of rules and behavior on here, I'm pretty sure you can use your head to figure out human decency and manners. So please have some respect for me and others on here.

---

Social stuff:

Quora Account - (Place where I've spent most of my time online, around 4-5 years or so. I post random things of me yapping of all topics or things I've found/seen)

--------------------

Fixations⤵️

The list below is color coded based on the fandoms I'm fixated on, or I just like

Red = Fixated

Orange = Semi-fixated

Green = Like

Monster x Mediator - It's a pretty interesting game due to the characters (Sir Knight...🤤🤤)

Call of Duty - Certain campaigns in it, mostly COD Ghosts though (Yes, I have played the OG versions of some of the campaigns on the old ps3 we have, and I do play MP Cod Ghosts).

Fallout: New Vegas - Fixated more on JOSHUA GRAHAM 🤤🤤. But yeah, story is fire, and the characters are fire. Very well written, still gotta check out the DLC's though.

Battlefield 4 - This fandom is so male dominated (or there's no artists in it or sum...) that there's like, 0 genuine fanart of it, and I'm sad because of that 😔 (PAC MY POOKIE, M-MY LOVE 😩😩)

Rainbow 6 Siege - Don't have the console to play the actual game so I watch it instead.

Mouthwashing - The entire story is just...wow. So sorry that had to Happen to you, Anya. Also, fuck Jimmy. Everyone else is cool.

Fallout (The show version) - Really liked the way they made everything with the characters and stuff. For new fans, such as me, I really enjoyed it 🗣

Hell Divers 2 - Like R6S, I don't have the actual console itself to play it but it's on my wishlist and I really like the concept of the game, plus the community seems pretty fire.

Eddsworld - Used to have a HUGE fixation on this fandom, prob for up to 1-2 years (shit had a strong grip on me)

Silent Hill 2 - That's like the only game I know lore about in the Silent Hill series (Pyramid head...).

My Little Pony - I'm surprised this fandom is absolutely booming now. Watched the entire show (forgot everything though 💀). Love the art the fandom makes though, including the AU's.

Saiki K - Legit forgot the entire storyline, but I know I like it

The Amazing Digital Circus - Caught up on all episodes

Demon Slayer - Watched all seasons

The Amazing World of Gumball - Havent really watched it much, but I really like it including the fan base

Into the Spiderverse - Have never read the comics, but movie-wise I like it

...Damn, you still reading? I mean if you're interested go ahead and drop a follow to this thing (you're likely gonna forget this account anyways, so free follow for me mwhahaha).

[bombsquad9]

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝗼 𝐏𝐚𝐠𝐞

Hello! I am Ro, and I am 18-21 year old trans man. I write for many fandoms (which shall be listed below). This is indeed my second account, I deleted my last one because I needed to refresh everything (feed, posts, etc). I will try to post frequently, and if I do not then please be patient with me, because it probably means burn out or poor mental health. I also have a new Wattpad account, which the username is also bombsquad09 (it will also be linked below, along with a tag list). Every fandom and character within will be in alphabetical order. Some of the fandoms I do write for will not be listed, and that is due to me not taking requests for those specific fandoms. Thank you!

𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐝𝗼𝗺𝐬:

✞Apex Legends

—> Character(s): Catalyst, Caustic, Fuse, Horizon, Loba, Mirage, Octane, Revenant, Seer, Valkyrie, Wattson.

✞Call of Duty

—> Character(s): John ‘Soap’ MacTavish, John Price, König, Nikto, Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley.

✞ Castlevania

—> Character(s): Adrian ‘Alucard’ Tepes, Drolta, Hector, Isaac, Mizrak, Olrox, Richter Belmont, Sypha Belnades, Trevor Belmont, Vlad ‘Dracula’ Tepes

✞Fallout 4

—> Character(s): Cait, Codsworth, Deacon, John Hancock, Nick Valentine, Porter Gage, Preston Garvey, Robert MacCready.

✞House of Ashes

—> Character(s): Eric King, Jason Kolchek, Joey Gomez, Nick Kay, Rachel King, Salim Othman.

✞Just Ignore Them

—> Character(s): Brea, Mark, The Sheriff.

✞Mortal Kombat

—> Character(s): Johnny Cage, Kung Lao, Liu Kang, Noob Saibot.

✞Outlast

—> Character(s): Chris Walker, Eddie Gluskin, Jeremy Blaire, Miles Upshur, Richard Trager.

✞Resident Evil

—> Character(s): Ada Wong, Alcina Dimitrescu, Albert Wesker, Ashley Graham, Carlos Oliveira, Chris Redfield, Claire Redfield, Ethan Winters, Finn Macauley, Jack Krauser, Jake Muller, Jill Valentine, Leon Kennedy, Lucas Baker, Luis Sera, Nikolai Zinoviev, Piers Nivans, Sherry Birkin.

✞Subnautica

—> Character(s): AL-AN.

✞The Quarry

—> Character(s): Abigail Blyg, Dylan Lenivy, Emma Mountebank, Jacob Custos, Kaitlyn Ka, Max Brinly, Nick Furcillo, Ryan Erzahler.

✞Tomb Raider

—> Character(s): Lara Croft

✞Until Dawn

—> Character(s): Ashley Brown, Christopher Hartley, Emily Davis, Jessica Riley, Joshua Washington, Matthew Taylor, Michael Monroe, Samantha Giddings.

𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬:

✞Transphobia, Homophobia, Racism, Sexism, Fetishizing, etc will not be tolerated. If you do anything related to any of those topics you will be blocked from my account.

✞Do NOT request things such as pedophilia, rape, zoophilia, etc . If anything you are requesting is like that you will be blocked from my account.

✞If you send hate in my anonymous inbox then you shall be ignored, and your message will be deleted. If you're going to be hatefully, don't be a pussy and hide behind an anon.

✞Minor shall interact with anything that is not labeled 18+/MDNI/smut. I can't stop you, nor am I going to carry out an investigation to find out if you're 18+. If you're a minor and you interact and see something you don't like; THATS NOT MY FAULT.

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝗺:

⚠︎︎Requests are currently open⚠︎︎

✞If you are requesting please be specific about what you want. This includes characters, setting, whether it's ship/xreader/headcanons, and other criteria you want. I can't make it what you want if you don't tell me.

✞I will write smut, fluff, and angst. Headcanons, ships, x readers, preferences, etc are all acceptable within reason.

—> When it comes to smut I will write quite a bit, even somewhat darker themes (Again; I draw the line at things like rape). I may not be good due to having lack of practice from where I didn't write for awhile, my apologies.

—> When it comes to angst, I will write almost anything. I will write (TW) suicide, alcoholism and other addictions, etc. Though, I won't write EDs or self-harm. Similarly to smut, it may not be good due to lack of practice, my apologies.

—> Anything out of reason would be minor x adult in a pedophilic/romantic way, human x animal (no, this does not include monsters) in a zoophilic/romantic way, etc.

✞Be patient, I will want to take my time on requests for various reasons. Sometimes I need breaks, sometimes I don't have any ideas, sometimes I will have writing sprees. It depends on the minute, so again, be patient. If you complain about how long it takes your request will be deleted and ignored.

✞If you want to be tagged for any specific character(s), then put your username in an orderly fashion on the Google doc that I will have linked below.

✞I will mostly write m!reader (AMAB and AFAB), but if you do want f!reader or gn!reader just let me know in your request, and I will do. If you do not specify I will either do m!reader or gn!reader by default. The only exception to this is if it is a lesbian/sapphic character.

✞ Any requested content will be Tumblr exclusives! Anything that is requested on my Wattpad will be Wattpad exclusive. (Excluding alphabets)

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭/𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭/𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐩𝐚𝐝:

✞ Wattpad

✞ Masterlists

✞ Tag List

✞ Upcoming Works

⚠︎︎This post was last updated: 1/13/25⚠︎︎

[messyyythoughts]

sands of zion, part 4.

fallout: new vegas Joshua Graham x female courier reader

author’s note: i am tipsy, have this xxx

summary: the Dead Horses want to move against the White Legs, but Joshua doesn’t expect the consequences...

warnings: war antics, the usual fallout: new vegas violence warning lol

••●••••●••••●••

since your conversation about Caesar, Joshua Graham had been watching you closely. you hadn’t mentioned or even inferred anything about Caesar since, treating the name like a fatal curse if spoken aloud. you seemed sober compared to how Joshua saw you before that conversation. where you’d take the time to talk with the Dead Horses each day and learn new words, now you stayed quiet and only spoke when spoken to. in Angel’s Cave you avoided others, and politely regarded Joshua when he was nearby. you spent days doing nothing, sleeping in your bed or walking up and down the river.

it was as if merely talking about Caesar had taken the very spirit from you. and Joshua hated it. every day he awoke hoping that his prayers had been answered to find you back to your old self, but each day that passed he found himself losing faith in his God. if ghosts were real, then he was watching one walk around his camp that looked remarkably like you. Follows-Chalk had made several attempts at communicating with you, but nothing could get your mind off of the evil that was Caesar waiting for you back in the Mojave. how his assassins hadn’t made it here yet you didn’t know, and it made you overly paranoid. they could be watching, waiting in the shadows, seeing how far you could get before they grabbed you. you’d refused to leave the camp for anything that wasn’t immediately life or death business, and it was beginning to irritate the Dead Horses. if they got that annoyed with you, they could show you the way home and you’d never bother them again. but, there was still the problem of the White Legs to deal with before any of the inhabitants of Zion would show you the way home, so you had to deal with it soon. one day, amidst your paranoia, you awoke to loud, shouting voices coming from outside of Angel’s Cave. you didn’t decipher any of the speech clearly at first, then you heard your name being thrown around. darting out of bed, you grabbed your rifle, forgoing your trench coat or outdoor clothes, and burst out into the sunlight in your sleeping clothes. Follows-Chalk was stood against a group of Dead Horses members, attempting to placate them as they stared at you with anger in their eyes. Joshua was nowhere to be seen. your eyes scanned the river before you lowered your rifle. “what is all of this about?” you asked quietly, though you feared you knew anyway. “we can talk about this in a calm way–” Follows-Chalk began, but the voices rose against him faster than he could handle. you picked out a few words, and understood that they were complaining of your idleness in the recent weeks, and the threat of the White Legs you were meant to be aiding Joshua in eliminating. your lips pressed together in mild embarrassment, but you really could care less, because they had no idea who Caesar was and what he was going to do to you the moment this war was over. “send her to the White Legs if she’s so scared of them! we are ready to fight them, why won’t Joshua Graham make the move?” one woman yelled, anger distorting her features. the funny thing was that all of these women had braided your hair, taught you words and shared their food with you a handful of times before. now you were their worst enemy, save the White Legs. Follows-Chalk was doing his best, but you knew he was no match for angry women. the men stood further back, shooting you disapproving glares. they’d seen you as one of them many times, but now you were no better than a child. you put a hand on Follows-Chalk’s arm, and his worried eyes met your dead ones. you nodded and he stepped back, closing his mouth. you faced the group, eyeing up each one. “if you want to move against the White Legs, I will speak to Joshua Graham.” your words only did the bare minimum to quiet their anger. at the rise of more voices, you held up a hand. “do not forget that it has been me who has rescued one of your children, defeated dozens of your enemies and fought for all of you with my life many times over.” your voice was raised, built on a foundation of disbelief at their words. “I will finish this war, but not if you disrespect me any further. am I clear?” they all went silent, watching you. “am I clear?” you yelled, snapping. the women’s heads dropped and they moved back. the men bristled at your tone. “be ready to fight with your lives, if you can do that.” you looked at each one of them in the eyes, and felt every one of them staring into your soul. Follows-Chalk followed you quietly into Angel’s Cave as you sighed and held in a desperate scream of frustration. you barely remembered the last few weeks, it had been a big blur of nonsense. you’d finally realised how soon you were going to face Caesar and lose your life in the process, and yes, you had others depending on you, but they didn’t know half of what your life had been. “do you know where Joshua is?” you asked Follows-Chalk, as you unpacked your belongings in preparation for the fight of your life, which would soon be overshadowed by the fight you’d bring to Caesar. “he is making final preparations for the attack, or at least that is what he told me.” you nodded, smoothing your hair away from your face and sighing heavily. “thank you for trying to save my reputation back there,” you said, “it wasn’t worth it but at least they’ll fight alongside me now.” Follows-Chalk was at your side, a worried look on his sweet face. his hand rested on your shoulder. “what troubles you, Courier? you have been a ghost since...” Follows-Chalk didn’t finish his sentence because footsteps approached. your heads both swivelled to meet the owner, and it was Joshua. he seemed surprised to see you up and awake, organising your things nonetheless. “we can talk later.” Follows-Chalk eyes searched yours for any hint of a smile, and even though you faked one, it didn’t fool him. he’d grown to know much about you personally since meeting you, and that smile wasn’t like the ones he’d seen from you before. he walked away, feeling something uneasy about you. ••●••••●••••●•• you filled Joshua in on the near-uprising against you, and he agreed that a move against the White Legs was looking favourable. you both stood at his desk, moving around it as you mapped out the White Legs territory from several scout reports. Joshua didn’t mention your behaviour recently, he was just satisfied that his prayers had been answered at last, and content to be enjoying your company once again. you went back and forth all evening, hypothesising the best formations and plans. you briefly paused the debates to make dinner and start inventory of all the weapons available to the Dead Horses. there was a lot, the scouts had done well, and Joshua had tracked down some pre-War technology that had been made useful by tinkering and experimenting. the sun went down, and Joshua gave the order to be ready to move out at first light. you continued planning, poking holes in each other’s ideas, before you settled on one of Joshua’s plans. you liked it, it had the least chance of failure, and it would get you into the White Legs camp where you could do the most damage. the necessary Dead Horse members were informed of the plan, and you both tried to get some sleep. Joshua resorted to studying his holy book at some point in the night, and you had started to clean your rifle and organise your trench coat with its many pockets. neither of you spoke as you knew it would only serve as a temporary distraction from the real thing that would be upon you in a few hours. as the sky began to change with the rising sun, you both got changed and checked weapons one last time. you were attempting to braid your hair out of the way but it proved hard with a scattered mind. you gave up and let it sit behind your shoulders, sat on your old camping bed, when Joshua’s voice broke the silence of Angel’s Cave for the first time in hours. “may I...?” your eyes landed on him, and he was stood at the end of your bed, looking at your hair. you nodded and took off your hat, smoothing your hair down. he knelt behind you, taking your hair in three sections and beginning the braid. it was the simplest one, but it kept your hair out of your face. you sat there, staring at the walls of the cave and imagining your death. would a White Leg grab and slash your throat open? a stray bullet? an explosive? a brutal fist fight to the death? you didn’t even notice that Joshua was long finished the braid, and was still knelt behind you, just waiting. he was probably thinking, too. you turned around, facing him. the sight of him on his knees might’ve elicited a different reaction from you in a different life, but now it just made you sad. deeply and utterly sad. he looked up at you, and you looked down at him. “we’re losing time.” you said softly, feeling a strange knot in your throat. “we are.” Joshua watched as you stood up, slinging your rifle over your shoulder and leaving the cave. he stood, watching after you.

••●••••●••••●••

the atmosphere in the camp was different to that in the cave. where there’d been a sober silence broken only by a few meaningless words, out here there was a flurry of activity. shouts and chants rang out, splashing water, weapons colliding. last minute training and conversations went down at the same time, each Dead Horse member preparing in their own individual way to face the enemy. the elders and healers were blessing the warriors with marks and paint on their bare skin. some even began blessing the weapons held by the warriors, bathed in early morning light. you went to walk past the elders, who you assumed held dislike for you since your outburst yesterday, but one woman stopped you. she held out her hands, covered in paint, and you took off your hat, kneeling down for her. she was short and unassuming in appearance, but one look at her face told you that she’d seen more than you’d ever comprehend. her fingers danced over your face, making a mask of a warrior, and blessing you. she took your rifle from your hand and painted that too. a feeling of something you couldn’t quite explain went over you, like hands running through your hair, or a mother’s touch. suddenly, the old woman smiled, before turning away. she left you there feeling bewildered, strangely empowered, and ready to face the White Legs.

Joshua Graham had been watching the scene unfold from the entrance to Angel’s Cave. for some time now he had believed you to be a blessing sent by his God, or a divine being who he just happened to cross paths with. whatever you may end up being, he would spend the rest of his existence eternally grateful for you. the way you had accepted the Dead Horse tribe as your own, adhering to their customs and way of life so quickly. it may not have been your first port of call when you realised you were trapped here, but you soon realised what had to be done to survive, and Joshua could appreciate that.

he joined you by the river, taking the sight of you in before speaking.

“I see you have been blessed, by one of our oldest healers no less.” he could barely contain his urge to smile at you from beneath the bandages. you looked so proud for a moment, watching your reflection in the water. then you came back to reality. your brilliant eyes met his, and you looked away again.

“she does me a great honour, I can almost… feel her with me, or someone watching over me. maybe your God has time to watch over both of us today.” Joshua’s chest tightened when you spoke of his God.

“if He is willing, everyone here shall be watched over, and protected.” Joshua wanted to say more, but stopped himself. he could not let these feelings interfere with his mind right before battle. you were staring at the river water once again, then you spoke quietly.

“if He is indeed willing, we will live to wash in this river tomorrow. we all will.”

••●••••●••••●••

Joshua gave a short speech worthy of a war chief to the Dead Horses. those who would not be fighting would stay here, hidden in Angel’s Cave until either the return or retreat of the warriors and scouts of the Dead Horses. you stood there in silence, pushing the image of Caesar out of your mind and instead replacing it with that of the White Legs. they were your problem today, not some tyrant in the Mojave, which you had no feasible way of returning to yet. it hadn’t occurred to you that once this was over, you’d either be dead, kidnapped or alive and on your way home to the Strip to face Caesar. it felt horrible to admit, but you were starting to think which of the three options had the best outcome…

Joshua Graham was at the front of the crowd, leading the Dead Horses into battle. they gave off war cries and other unfamiliar sounds as you all waded up the river, but once out of the camp, silence fell like a blanket across each and every one of them. you were bringing up the rear, you and Joshua had agreed that it was best you stayed split up, for many reasons.  you recalled the conversation in question, one that had happened amongst the planning and strategising.

“and if one of us goes down?” you raised an eyebrow and Joshua leaned back in his chair.

“then we stay separate for the battle, as long as we can. should one of us fall, the other will assume command.” he offered up. that seemed satisfactory to you.

“alright, I’ll take the rear, you be up front.” you said, to which his eyes barely widened, but you still caught it. “what’s wrong with that?” you asked, leaning over the paper which detailed your plans and formations. Joshua watched you lean, and resisted the urge to touch your hair that was loose over your shoulder.

“I am simply surprised that you would volunteer to take the rear, that is all.” he replied, after taking his eyes off of you. he could watch you pour over battle plans and maps while sat on his desk until the day he died.

“well, you are the war chief. what good are you in the back?” you'd smiled at him before sketching in your position in charcoal on the paper. he’d watched you, imagining you on the battlefield the next day, victorious.

now, as you watched the Dead Horses march determinedly towards the White Legs camp, you wondered if Joshua had wanted you up front with him. would it have looked fiercer? more intimidating? perhaps, but your plans had been finalised last night, and this was not the time to go changing them. you instead counted your steps and watched the feet in front of you to distract you. so far the march had gone uninterrupted, but you had some distance before White Leg territory began. then you’d be in trouble.

••●••••●••••●••

Joshua Graham halted the march as you reached your destination. just past this trail was the last known White Leg camp, as reported by Dead Horse scouts days ago. this was it. you quickly worked your way up front to speak to Joshua. he seemed ready for battle, for war.

“Joshua, we haven’t seen a single White Leg, something isn’t right.” you whispered to him, mouth right next to his ear. he did not react to your worrying statement, but instead loaded his pistol. “Joshua, did you hear me?” you demanded, slinging your rifle down your shoulder.

“we cannot back down now, even if every single living White Leg is waiting for us in that camp. we fight here and now, God willing.” Joshua replied, not looking you in the eyes. you put a desperate hand on his arm. he went still.

“are you sure we can win this? if every single one of them is in there, armed to the teeth? with the high ground?” Joshua’s cold blue eyes finally met yours. his gaze felt entirely alien to you now.

“you aren’t abandoning the fight before it’s even began, are you, Courier?” you hold his gaze, but let go of his arm.

“I’d follow you almost anywhere, Joshua, but if this becomes a bloodbath, I beg of you… order them to retreat.” Joshua’s eyes slipped away from yours and down to his pistol.

“if this becomes a bloodbath, we won’t be on the wrong side.” with that, he raised his pistol in the air, rallying the Dead Horses. you ran back to the rear, shaking your head and sweeping sand from your hat. you loaded your rifle up, and followed Joshua Graham and his Dead Horses into the White Legs camp.

and it was a bloodbath. on both sides.

the second the White Legs realised what was happening, they had the jump on you. the Dead Horses fought hard and some, to the death, to advance into the main camp and start taking out the entirety of the White Legs tribe. you took out any sneaky attackers who attempted to cut you off from behind, but soon there were so many even you were struggling to drop them all with your rifle. close combat became the norm within minutes, and you were facing off against strong, bloodthirsty warriors with insane melee weapons. you couldn’t ever imagine the gangs in the Mojave fashioning these creations up, they lacked the imagination for one, and the sheer insanity for two. though many of the weapons you went up against seemed impractical, the White Legs wielded them with skill and ferocity that you hadn’t seen before. you started questioning if you were ever going to survive this. why didn’t Joshua hang back and think things through? why did he insist on charging in without knowing the odds? because he was Legion once, just like Caesar, and the arrogance of the Legion never truly leaves you. he is the Burned Man, of course he couldn’t wait to finish this war—

a loud boom, the earth shaking, you flying briefly then colliding with rock. hands on your throat, your rifle snatched from your arms. the White Legs had set off grenades, killing some of their own, but killing more of yours. coughing and sputtering against the warrior who had you by the neck, you kicked out, but they forced your legs apart and had you pinned hard against the canyon wall. it wasn’t a bad way to go, dying in battle, at least you died doing something worthwhile in this world. a clean shot entered and exited the warrior’s head, and you dropped to the sand. you didn’t have to look up to see who pulled that off, because he was already coming. he had you up on your feet, leaning on him, rifle back in hands. his voice was all around you, but you knew he was there, somewhere. you found your feet, standing up and letting go of him, and took aim.

one down. two, then three. Joshua snuck off, taking out more White Legs from behind. the Dead Horses were fighting bravely, taking on two or three White Legs at a time. you helped the best you could, dropping the odd White Leg warrior here and there. but soon you were spotted, and on the move again. knives in hand, you took as many White Leg melee fights as you could get. Joshua was still shooting somewhere across the camp, his shots evenly timed and most likely hitting their mark each time. Follows-Chalk spotted you across the camp, and made his way over, taking down White Legs as he went. for how soft he could be, he was downright lethal in battle. as he neared you, you realised with a start that he was covered from head to toe in blood. his markings were barely visible beneath.

“is the blood yours?!” you demanded, open-mouthed in shock.

“never mine!” he answered simply, moving you aside and clubbing a White Leg in the back of the head. a scream from somewhere made you freeze, and you saw a Dead Horse warrior die to a White Leg who wore a scary helmet and wielded a power fist. Follows-Chalk returned to your side, panting but still raging. “Salt-Upon-Wounds, the White Leg leader. you must kill him, without him they will die!” you were about to protest when a White Leg charged you, and took you to the ground. Follows-Chalk had him off of you in seconds, swinging his club with a war cry. you rolled out of the way, letting Follows-Chalk kill the White Leg, and took aim again with your rifle but Salt-Upon-Wounds was gone. he was just there. you scanned the battlefield with your scope, bloodshed was happening everywhere, but where was their leader?

“he’s gone! where is he?” you shouted to Follows-Chalk, but he was gone too. the ever-changing nature of battle meant you were now alone, again. you skirted around skirmishes and takedowns, reaching the spot where you’d first laid eyes upon this Salt man, but all he’d left behind was blood and death. the grisly sight of the Dead Horses falling on the battlefield hurt your soul. how would they ever carry out their after-death rituals if they lay abandoned on a cursed battlefield? you ducked reflexively as a machete narrowly missed your neck. one shot to the chest from below and your attacker fell, dead. your eyes scanned the camp again, raging with the sounds of war. you were sure that you’d never forget the sounds, even after returning to the chaos of the Strip.

an arrow whizzed past, just missing your face, you ducked down and ran, taking shelter behind a boulder. you aimed your rifle over the boulder, and spotted the archers hidden further in the camp, high up in the cliffs. that was why your warriors were falling so quickly, archers were picking them off! you steadied yourself and took aim again, within minutes all of the archers you could spot were dead, bodies hanging limp on the cliffs with single bullet holes in their heads. the Dead Horses began to fight back harder, now unburdened by arrows, and out for revenge for fallen brothers and sisters. you’d lost sight of Joshua a while ago, and Salt-Upon-Wounds had disappeared. you joined up with whichever Dead Horse you came across in battle, your kill count for the day reaching double digits. soon, the camp became a much smaller battlefield as the White Legs started backing themselves into corners.

you helped a Dead Horse member overpower a White Leg wielding a club, firing off another shot as another White Leg charged at you. they were getting desperate. they were beginning to fray. the Dead Horses were making a comeback, using the White Legs own weapons against them now. your eyes focused in on a flash of white becoming visible from the back of the camp, then your heart dropped into your feet. Joshua Graham was fighting Salt-Upon-Wounds, one-on-one, hand-to-hand.

••●••••●••••●••

you took aim, but the two were moving too wildly for you to confidently pull the trigger. you didn’t dare ask Joshua’s God for any more help, so you rallied the Dead Horses to you, and those who came were ready. you took them towards the back of the camp, flattening any White Legs that stood in your way. Salt-Upon-Wounds saw you approaching, and you went down to one knee, rifle aimed. Salt-Upon-Wounds held Joshua Graham by the neck, and God knows where his trusty pistols had gone. Joshua’s clear blue eyes bored into Salt-Upon-Wounds’s. your finger went to pull the trigger again, but Joshua was now in your sights, forced to stand before Salt-Upon-Wounds like a human shield. you lowered your rifle slowly.

“call off your warriors, or Joshua Graham dies!” Salt-Upon-Wounds announced, the battlefield stood still for the first time. you made a sound that told the Dead Horses to stand down, and they reluctantly did. “good girl. lower your weapons, all of you!” the remaining Dead Horses gathered around you did not move, instead they watched you. they were waiting for your move, and they would follow.

“do as I do, or we lose.” you whispered to them in their dialect, and it was passed around quickly. you threw your beloved rifle to the sand, and your knives, and the Dead Horses followed. they did not protest, they did it silently, they did it with you. for you. Salt-Upon-Wounds began walking towards you, still holding Joshua captive in his grip, a power fist on his free hand, already shiny with blood.

“you, outgirl, listen to me. I take Joshua Graham’s life, then the Dead Horses. then you will be for me, but not for kill.” Joshua’s eyes hardened but one look from you told him to not respond. his job was to focus on surviving Salt-Upon-Wounds right now.

“why not kill me?” you asked, lowering your hands and taking a step forwards. Salt-Upon-Wounds tightened his grip on Joshua. “do you know who I am, Salt-Upon-Wounds?” you let your hands rest on your belt. you could feel exactly what you needed.

“I see a outgirl who fights.” Salt-Upon-Wounds said after a moment, he was not big on talking, you realised.

“I am the Courier, I control the Strip in the Mojave and your leader, Caesar, wants me dead.” Salt-Upon-Wounds’s body tensed. “he is your leader, isn’t he?” Salt-Upon-Wounds threw Joshua to the sand, angry.

“Caesar… wants you. I give him you, and kill Joshua.” Salt-Upon-Wounds let Joshua’s shirt go, and raised the power fist. Joshua began to roll, you reached into your trusty belt, pulled out a small knife and launched it in Salt-Upon-Wounds’s direction. it landed in his face, he recoiled and stumbled backwards, yelling. you dove for Joshua, grabbing him and hauling him back towards the Dead Horses. the remaining White Legs watched in horror as Salt-Upon-Wounds was injured by an outsider. Follows-Chalk grabbed Joshua, but as you went to get up, you were dragged backwards.

you made fleeting eye contact with Follows-Chalk, then Joshua as you were flipped over by Salt-Upon-Wounds. the Dead Horses picked up their weapons as the remaining White Legs attacked. you saw the power fist coming, time slowed, Salt-Upon-Wounds pinned you down with his legs and yelled with pure rage as he brought the fist down. you reached up, twisting the small knife still embedded in his face. blood spurted out, showering you. you yanked the knife out, the shock gave you time to get it from under Salt-Upon-Wounds, but he was still bringing the power fist down.

you felt the dull heavy impact on your hand first. then the pain of your hand bones being shattered to pieces took over. your entire arm was throbbing from the impact. you were screaming but you couldn’t hear it. Salt-Upon-Wounds revelled in your pain, and raised the fist again. you clutched the small knife in the other hand, panting, tears forming in your eyes. he roared from above you, bringing the fist down in one big overhead swing. you whipped your good hand quick, and the knife flew. it skimmed the power fist and landed between Salt-Upon-Wounds’s eyes.

you were crying as Salt-Upon-Wounds’s stiff body went limp, the weight of the power fist dictating his fall. the power fist met the side of your head as you desperately tried to escape from under the now dead weight, and you were out cold.

••●••••●••••●••

Joshua stopped believing in his God right then and there. he was already up on one knee, but Follows-Chalk, fuelled by the fear of the power fist caving your face in, threw Salt-Upon-Wounds’s corpse off of you. the side of your face was open, blood pouring out. Follows-Chalk had his arms under you already, lifting you up and calling out for a healer. the surviving Dead Horses surrounded you, reaching out and touching your bare skin with their hands. a sign of respect, a collective hope that you would survive this gruesome injury and live to recount the battle around a campfire full of Dead Horse children, reunited with their families. Joshua’s mind was making his body move, but he had absolutely no awareness of it. it was as if someone else was taking charge of him physically as he worried about you.

Follows-Chalk sent any remaining Dead Horse scouts forward to call for the healers, the warriors remained with you, escorting those who had survived the battle back to the Dead Horse camp. Joshua walked in step with Follows-Chalk, eyes never leaving your body. he offered to take you from Follows-Chalk several times on the march home, but he refused, determined to get you home alive. healers came rushing up the river, war-torn bloodied scouts in tow. the old woman was there, stood in the river, a serious look on her face.

Follows-Chalk set you down in the river, holding you there so the old woman could examine you. she spoke harshly to her other healers in Dead Horse dialect, Joshua Graham listened but for the first time, he couldn’t translate the words in his head. the old woman bent down in the river, and her words seemed to move the water.

“the sky, the earth… we beg of you, as the blood of ours joins you, return her to us.” the other healers repeated the words, muttering under their breath, eyes closed. the old woman cupped her hands, pouring water over your open head wound. Joshua went to his knees watching the old healer work. the river welcomed him, he let it soak him through. Follows-Chalk also dropped to his knees gently in the river, copying the prayers of the healers.

soon, every Dead Horse member present was on their knees, praying and begging the land and sky to not take you from them. Joshua clasped his hands, rattling off one last prayer to his God. then, as the old woman’s worn hands touched your cold ones, a jolt of something went through you. all you really remembered was the hot blood streaming down your face, tainting your vision red. now you looked up and saw clear blue skies, white dancing clouds and felt the hold of the river all around you.

the old woman rejoiced as your eyes flickered open, everyone was relieved, thanking their ancestors’ spirits and the land and the sky for not taking you. mercy had been granted today, but it would likely not be granted again. Joshua slowly moved towards you, the river pulling him. he took you from the old healer’s hold, and sat you up out of the river. you looked around, surprised at being back in camp. hadn’t you just been facing Salt-Upon-Wounds...?

without another word, Joshua stood, carrying you up the river, and into the safety of Angel’s Cave. the healers did not use the same medicine that you were so used to in the Mojave, but Joshua was familiar with the basics. now that he had you alive, he intended to keep you that way. he carried you to his camp bed, carefully setting you down. he lit the campfire, taking off your wet clothes with as much dignity he could give you. he covered you in furs, then as your eyes danced in and out of consciousness, began stitching up the gash on your head. he knew it wouldn’t beat a surgeon’s steady hand and some anaesthetic, but it was better to close the wound rather than let it become infected.

he worked for hours, having to stop his hands from shaking each time you winced or moved your head away. he’d unravelled the bandages from his hands, leaving them exposed to the open air. he told himself that the constant tingle that soon felt like he was burning all over again, was nothing compared to this open wound on your head. you probably had one Hell of a headache too. he could really only pray that your brain had remained unscathed. he then carefully began to wrap your broken hand, though you had no real feeling down there and barely reacted.

Follows-Chalk, now clean of his enemies’ blood, came to see how you were getting on. Joshua had just about managed to finish the stitching to your head, if he ever forgot the sight of it, he’d be grateful. Follows-Chalk had the healers gather all of the herbs that could possibly help and brought them into the cave, Joshua had other ideas. he knew you’d found old world medicines in the Mojave, and often made more when out scouting for the Dead Horses. he told Follows-Chalk to search your bag, and he found the stash of Stimpacks.

Joshua hadn’t seen you use these in his presence. perhaps because you were trying not to invoke feelings of despair in him that no medicine would relieve his pain or mend his burns. Follows-Chalk, however, had seen you use these from time to time. admittedly, not often, but he knew how they worked.

“you push it into the skin,” he told Joshua, as you lay there, eyes closed and breathing shallow. “I think.” he added, absolving himself of any responsibility should this go wrong.

“I… I’ve seen this before, but rarely used them.” Joshua admitted. Follows-Chalk stared at the Stimpacks. another strange thing from beyond Zion.

“should we not use them?” Follows-Chalk asked, eyes lingering on your stitches.

“they’d help her…” Joshua began, when you opened your eyes and reached for the Stimpacks yourself. the two watched as you took one, jabbed it into your side, then removed it.

“done.” you sighed, handing it back to Follows-Chalk. “Follows, you’ve seen me use those before, don’t be scared of them.” you rolled onto your back and went to reach up to feel your stitches. Joshua’s hand caught your good hand and placed it back down to your side.

“I am no doctor, but we better leave those alone.” he said, thinking about how the stitches would turn out when they healed. if they healed. Follows-Chalk seemed to agree with the way he eyed up the stitches uneasily.

“there are no doctors left anymore anyway.” you mumbled, closing your eyes and rolling over to sleep. Joshua pulled the furs over you and stood up, clearing away his impromptu stitching kit. Follows-Chalk looked at you for a moment longer before standing, and approaching Joshua.

“Joshua Graham, I must ask you something.” Joshua paused, then turned to face Follows.

“what is it?” he asked, curious as to what Follows-Chalk could possibly have to ask him.

“when the Courier is recovered, I should be the one to take her back to the Mojave. do you think the same?” Follows-Chalk asked. Joshua was not expecting this question so he stalled for time by organising the medical inventory for a moment.

“I think that when the Courier leaves us, she should go alone once she reaches the Mojave.” Joshua said, giving Follows-Chalk a look. Follows-Chalk nodded, but in his head, he did not agree in the slightest. “she fell into our lives, and she has the right to walk back out as she arrived... alone.” Joshua knew he was lying to himself too, not just to Follows-Chalk. Joshua prayed for nothing more than to accompany you back to the Mojave and see how you live your life, but there was the not so small problem of the Legion, and your life did not have space for him… who knew who you had waiting for your safe return back on the Strip?

••●••••●••••●••

when you woke up, you had such a headache it made you sensitive to light and noise like some sort of mutated wasteland creature. Joshua had been asleep by the fire next to your camp bed, and when you sat up, holding your head, he came back to life. he brought you fresh water, handed you Stimpacks, ordered stacks of medicinal herbs from the healers. Follows-Chalk was in charge of the recovery of the fallen Dead Horses from the battle, so you didn’t see him for some time. you spent days in Angel’s Cave recovering, even then you weren’t sure you’d be fit to make the gruelling journey back to the Mojave anytime soon. your head hurt and your hand was still useless. Joshua felt both joy and despair at your predicament. he knew that you needed to get back to the Mojave soon, with Caesar and his Legion becoming an increasingly worrying problem, but when Joshua watched you sleep he saw your pained expression and knew you were in no fit state to travel. you barely moved your broken hand, he worried that it was beyond saving some days.

Follows-Chalk was surprised to see you still on the camp bed, huddled under the furs, stuck somewhere between heavy sleep and being consciously aware of the world. Joshua tried his hardest to get you to talk, drink water or even sit up, but each day you refused and fell back into a fitful sleep. it wasn’t until one night that Joshua finally found the strength to wake you. it had been a slow day, you’d tossed and turned and had bad dreams. the night was cold, cool. Joshua and Follows-Chalk took it in turns sitting with you, but you did not improve. Follows-Chalk left the cave to retrieve more bodies from the battlefield and transport them for proper burial with the other Dead Horse members, leaving Joshua on the night shift. at first, you were just whimpering in your sleep, Joshua had grown used to the sound, as much as it scared him. then you started to move. you jerked and shivered, the whimpering turned into incoherent words. Joshua shut his holy book and sat next to you, watching your face contort in your sleep. all of a sudden you were crying, repeating words over and over. Joshua couldn’t stand to watch, he reached out, a hand on your shoulder, but you didn’t wake. something had you stuck deep in your mind.

after several unsuccessful attempts to rouse you from sleep, Joshua pulled the furs away, his hands on your arms. he turned you onto your back, repeating your name over and over. you didn’t come out of sleep. he started to wonder if it was a seizure, or if he was about to lose you. he didn’t stop trying to wake you, and after he shook you by the shoulders, your eyes flew open and you sat up, gasping. relieved you weren’t dead, Joshua’s hands fell from you and he said a prayer. you threw the furs from your legs and checked that this was real, that this wasn’t a dream that turned into a nightmare. you’d had so many these past few days, unable to escape them. they bombarded you each time you closed your eyes. your eyes landed on Joshua praying and you began to worry that this was yet another dream.

“Joshua, Joshua, is this real?” you grabbed him by the face, leaning right into him. his clear blue eyes met yours, and his hands settled onto yours.

“this is real.” he took your trembling hands into his bandaged ones and held them tight. “I am real, you are real, we are real, we are here.” he told you, and you moved off the bed to be closer to him. he was real, thank the Lord. you ran your hands over the bandages and let the feel of them bring you back to the present.

“we… are real.” you decided, nodding as your hands went back to his face. “you are real, I am real.” Joshua nodded back, and you let your hands trail to his neck, then around him. he let you do it, just happy to be there. you had him in your arms, and he felt real and you felt real and you were finally free of the endless cycle of nightmares. Joshua’s arms then encircled you and you melted into him. your eyes closed but you did not slip back into the land of nightmares and horrors. you stayed there with him, safe.

“are you okay?” he asked, not pulling away.

“if you’re here… I think I am.” you replied, after thinking for a moment. words seemed to elude you sometimes, but it felt even worse now, since the battle.

“I will stay here then, with you.” Joshua said quietly, and you sighed in relief. you both sat like that for a moment, until Joshua’s arms managed to lift you into his lap and have you tucked in his chest. you watched the roaring fire behind, letting it soothe you back to sleep. when Joshua felt you go heavy, he lifted you up back into the camp bed, but climbed in with you. he removed his heavy SWAT vest, and his boots. in just his trousers he held you there in the single camp bed, furs covering you both, and prayed that your mind would heal as well as your stitches had.

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