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animeniacss · 4 months ago

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Seoksoo - imperfect Part 1 - Chapter 15 - It Was Perfect

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 9.6k words

Chapter 15 - It Was Perfect

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” – James 1:17

Most kids know very little, if anything, about the day they were born. Not Joshua Hong. Born late in the night of December 30th, Joshua was not breathing for a good minute after birth. Doctors tried everything to get him to cry, warming him up in blankets so he wouldn’t turn blue while his parents screamed and begged them to save their child.

The doctors said that the second he took his first breath, the minute his cries mixed with the hysteric sobs of his mother, it began snowing. In Los Angeles.

It was truly a perfect day, as it would be for any new parents in 1995.

Joshua Hong knew that before him, his parents went through 4 pregnancy losses in 3 years, and tried in just as many years before that. He was never sure why he was the one God picked to enter the world, but his parents didn’t care. He was their first and only son. Their miracle.

He was perfect.

His father would share with every customer in his restaurant the story of his son’s miracle birth, his mother squealing about it on every birthday and in every book club. Joshua was so perfect, they stopped trying for any more kids after that. Why keep going, after so much heartbreak and grief, when the child that made it into their arms was all they ever asked for in the first place?

It. Was. Perfect.

Growing up affluent gave Joshua access to everything he could ever want. His room was littered with so many books that he could read by age 2. He was strumming Fischer Price guitars with such artistic rhythm, a real one was given as a gift when he turned five. His parents said he was the reason they started going back to church, their faith in God restored after he came into their lives. Joshua never thought it was a problem. He loved his family; he loved his childhood. It was all perfect. Joshua Hong, only child of a successful restaurant owner and college professor, was perfect.

Perfect was his favorite word back then. He knew it had 2 syllables and started with the /p/ sound before he could even hold a pencil correctly. He could read the word by age 3, and spell it by age 4.

Joshua heard his name and ‘perfect’ in the same sentence for most of his life, he thought that they were the exact same word. When he learned that they were in fact not, he was devastated in the way only a four-year-old could be about something so trivial.

The part of Los Angeles the Hong’s grew up in had few Asian-Americans, much less Korean-Americans. In school, he was the model student – the perfect student – the ever-revered ‘I love how Joshua is being a good example’ student that others should be modeling their behavior after. However, with his intellect and perceptiveness, it didn’t take him long to realize he was different; far beyond the brains tucked away in his skull and the decorum of a prince.

Even in the LA sun, his skin was paler than the other kids. He spoke two languages while most only spoke one – or one and a half. He didn’t go to school on Chuseok, and he always brought ‘weird’ Korean meals to school. In third grade, the meanest kid in class, Ryan Sharp asked him what stunk in his lunchbox, and got the entire lunch table to scream when he revealed it to be kimchi and rice. It wasn’t perfect to them, it was “disgusting!�� to them. So, he told the one person who could help him fix the problem.

“Can I bring peanut butter and jelly to school tomorrow?”

He remembered his mom turning around as he completed school work at the table. “Why?”

“The kids in school tease me when I bring kimchi or bulgogi. I want to just bring peanut butter and jelly.”

His mother crossed her arms and looked at him. “Joshua Hong. You don’t let those other children tease you like that. They don’t know any better. You should teach them about the food so they know more about it.”

“I don’t think they’ll listen, Mom.”

“Then that’s on them.” She said. “You know you’re perfect just as you are, right? Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

Joshua’s pencil stopped for a second, before nodding. “Yes, Mom.”

In fifth grade, Ryan Sharp got in trouble for saying something about Joshua being the smartest kid in class because he was Asian. Joshua was given a handwritten apology letter, but he knew Ryan didn’t mean it. Joshua didn’t realize that he was playing into a stereotype, he just thought it was because he was perfect. Wasn’t he?

It continued; Joshua being called ‘gay’ because he tried – and failed – to play house at recess with the girls rather than football with the boys. The only time Joshua saw victory was when Ryan got suspended for three days and lost recess for a month after he pushed Joshua in a puddle of mud after a rain storm and ruined his favorite shoes.

If Joshua’s parents were right, and he was truly perfect, then why did he spend the first 5 years of school being ostracized as the token ‘weird, smart kid?’ Why did the other kids avoid him on the playground? Why were his only friends the ones his mother forced him to sit by at church, and during Sunday school? The older Joshua got, the more he knew that he wanted to be perfect, that he had to be perfect. How could someone like Ryan Sharp torment him if he was perfect in everything? One letter off or not, Joshua would be perfect.

The summer before sixth grade, the Hong’s moved closer to the college his mother taught at, and his father had managed to open a second location of his restaurant. The location they settled into had a much higher Asian American population, located right beside the Staples Center. New location; new Joshua; a new chance to be perfect. It was fool proof.

Joshua’s middle school career was spent at the top of his class. He never missed a test or a quiz, never saw less than a 100 on his papers. He was in every school club you could think of: led the student council, dressed as one of the school mascots in every middle school pep rally, and led the junior debate team to victory for all three years.

Joshua’s reputation preceded him and left him the subject of many female eyes in the halls. He got the most Valentine’s every year, and he didn’t go to the eighth-grade dance alone. His AIM was filled with less than threes for hearts, and he never knew the pain of a break-up. Boys wanted to be him and girls wanted to be with him. He was living the perfect, ideal, American pre-teen dream.

At least, that’s what everyone thought.

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The first all-nighter was the night before his 7th grade junior debate meeting. He had a history quiz in the morning, and needed to finish his one-page paper on Bridge to Terabithia. At twelve, time passed in a blur, and he could barely feel the bags under his eyes until his mother pointed them out. He took his daily vitamin, ate breakfast, and was out the door to succeed in all three tasks. The junior debate team saw victory, he got 100 percent on his history quiz, and a 105 on his essay because he added more pages than required. Perfect. All achievements were met with the same three lines:

“That’s my boy. Do you guys see my boy?!”

“Isn’t he perfect?”

“He is our miracle. We’re just so lucky!”

His parents always had something to tell their friends and family about, and that, to him, was perfect.

That is, until he started 9th grade and Joshua entered the world of high school.

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13-year-old Joshua stepped into his geometry class, a sophomore class, his friend Johnny standing at his side. Johnny was a transfer from Chicago, moved right next door to Joshua that summer and the duo became fast friends. “I heard this teacher is really hard. Why didn’t you just take the freshman algebra class?”

“Because it’s too easy.” Joshua said simply. Johnny rolled his eyes. “I’ll see you in History. We have the same class, right?”

“Mhm. And lunch.” He smirked. “I heard Megan’s in our lunch.”

“Oh?” Johnny nodded, a smirk on his face. “…Why are you looking at me like that?”

“She’s had a thing for you like all summer. You need to ask her out.” Joshua was now the one to roll his eyes.

“It’s 7:30 in the morning. I don’t want to talk about dating this early in the morning.” Johnny snorted, but conceded. “See you later.” Waving Johnny off, Joshua made his way into the first class of the day and nestled into the front seat.

He twirled a pencil in his fingers and watched as the rest of the students filed in, waving to some that he recognized from middle school, and saying polite hellos to the ones he didn’t. Just as the first bell rang and teenagers began sprinting to class, Mr. Clark entered, hand rubbing a salt and pepper beard as he set a weathered briefcase down on the front table. Joshua’s eyes darted to the male that slipped in behind him and his eyes widened. He gripped the pencil in his hand so hard he thought it might snap in two.

Behind Mr. Clark was a stunning male. He was young, most likely in his early twenties, with curly blonde hair and grassy green eyes. Joshua’s eyes caught a mole under his nose that folded under the skin when he smiled. Joshua’s heart felt it was racing a mile a minute as the man stepped into the room, standing at Mr. Clark’s side.

“This is Mr. Daugherty. He’ll be my student teacher this year. Don’t be an embarrassment.”

Joshua was fucked.

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Mr. Daugherty spent the first quarter simply observing Mr. Clark. Joshua could handle that. As, summer turned to fall, Joshua was able to keep his head buried in his textbook and not worry about the very handsome – no, no, shut the fuck up Joshua – the very not handsome man sitting on the other side of the room, typing away on his computer and occasionally walking among the aisles to help students that asked. Joshua overheard the girls behind him whispering about how handsome he was, and Joshua wanted to slam his face into his desk every time he found himself agreeing.

“Oh, Joshua.”

“Huh?!” Joshua’s eyes snapped up to see Mr. Daugherty standing over him, smiling. He was pointing to one of the problems Joshua was working on. “Oh…”

“You computed this wrong. Do you need help?”

“No.” Joshua said, maybe a bit too quickly. “No.”

The blonde looked a bit taken back by Joshua’s response, but hoping to be professional, simply nodded his head with a small smile. “Okay. Holler if you do.” And without another word, Mr. Daughtery was off to check on the next student. Joshua looked down at the math problem, erasing the mistake and fixing it. His eyes darted up to the clock. 30 more minutes to go and Mr. Daughtery was already making his way back up the aisle again.

Joshua’s Study Hall period that day was spent doing the most important studying of his life. Tucked into the corner of the library, he was hunched over his laptop as he typed ‘Am I gay?’ into the computer search bar. His screen was flooded with Buzzfeed quizzes and YouTube videos titled ’10 Ways to Tell if You’re Gay!!! (NOT clickbait)”. The farther he scrolled, the more the dread sank in. He clicked the quiz.

Have you ever thought about men romantically? YES/NO Have you ever thought about women romantically? YES/NO How does the picture below make you feel?

“Oh what?!” Joshua slammed the screen of his laptop down when a very explicit photo of a shirtless man on the beach appeared on his screen and made his cheeks explode a very, cherry red. He covered his face, leaning back in his chair. What am I going to do? He thought. This can’t be. It can’t, it can’t, it can’t.

What will my parents say? They’ll flip out. They’re already pro-abstinence until marriage if I tell them any of this, true or not, they’ll…they’ll….

“The hell are you doing, Josh?” He sat up from his seat, looking to see Johnny sitting across from him. “Oh. You okay?” Johnny asked. A quick nod and wipe of his eyes was all he could respond with. Staring ahead, he blinked a few times. “Josh…Why are you staring at me?”

“Johnny, can you drive?”

“Uh, my dad lets me drive the truck in empty parking lots sometimes. Why?”

Joshua ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. “Please run me over with it. If it doesn’t kill me the first time, floor it.” Johnny laughed, but immediately saw that his friend was not amused. “I’m serious.”

“Dude…” Johnny frowned. “Why?” Joshua shook his head.

“I can’t tell you.” His friend leaned in close, eyes wide. “…What?”

“You in with the mob or something?” Joshua’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Are you serious?” He asked. “No!” With a huff, he got up from the library chair and grabbed his bag. Johnny was a man’s man through and through, a bit sarcastic but overall, the definition of what it meant to be a normal, straight man. He’d never understand, and even if he did, Joshua would never say anything. To anyone. “Whatever, forget I said anything, let’s just-.”

“Hey, Joshua! Johnny!” Joshua’s eyes shot up at the call of his name, seeing a beautiful brunette passing by. Megan O’Rorke, a freshman just like them. A cheerleader, popular, beautiful. She disappeared into one of the nearby aisles with her friends.

Perfect.

“Wait here.” Joshua said, before abandoning Johnny. He could hear his friend’s eager cheers of encouragement as he got to the brunette’s side, smiling. “Megan, I have a question for you.”

Her eyes sparkled almost immediately, stopping in her tracks to turn to him. “Yes?” She asked eagerly. Joshua was silent for a second, blinking a few times. Each time he closed his eyes, Mr. Daughtery looked at him from a different spot in the geometry classroom. That was enough to make him ask.

“Want to go out Saturday night?”

Joshua and Megan dated the rest of freshman year. It was enough for Joshua to forget all about Mr. Daughtery, even when he was tasked with taking over the classroom after Christmas break. Joshua felt great, better than ever. His parents were elated to know he had a girlfriend, he was still ranking top of his class in every subject, and he was already in position to run for student council come sophomore year.

Everything was perfect. Everything was perfect. Everything was perfect.

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September of his sophomore year, and things immediately proved they were in fact not perfect. Exhibit A: third period chemistry. Joshua was paired with Marco Rizzo, an Italian-American kid born and raised right in Los Angeles. He was tall, tan, a bit muscular, and a whole year older. He already had his learner’s permit.

Oh, don’t forget beautiful. Marco Rizzo was beautiful.

Joshua felt like it would be less painful to drink the solutions they were making in chemistry class, than to stand next to Marco for an entire 45-minute class period. Whatever feelings he thought he had for Mr. Daughterty the year prior were doubled every time Marco reached over him to grab a beaker, or when he brightly laughed at the ‘cute’ purple color they got during an experiment. And the one-time Marco reached over and fixed his safety goggles because Joshua’s hands were already covered with chemicals? He ran to the nurses office feeling like he was going to throw up. He didn’t, but that burning sensation stayed in his stomach for the rest of the week.

Megan said they had to break-up after their first kiss outside of the movie theatre on her sixteenth birthday. She said that she wasn’t interested anymore, but Joshua was just glad he didn’t have to kiss her again. The kiss was quick, awkward, exactly what one would expect of two teenagers discovering new things about themselves. Joshua, on that day, discovered that kissing girls made him feel disgusting. He took a 45 minute shower when he got home.

He responded to the break-up by throwing himself into his studies even harder. He’d yet to see a grade under a 100, and he sure as hell wouldn’t start now. He’d say one quick prayer at his bedside, and flip the computer on. Fingers would fly on the keyboard until the sun's rays poked into view, and Joshua would crawl into bed just long enough to get about an hour of sleep.

Joshua didn’t start getting chronic headaches until he was 15. He didn’t get his first string of nosebleeds until he was 16. These were mere obstacles; ones Joshua could easily fix with a tissue and few Ibuprofens. The other things were not, however; the thoughts of Marco or Mr. Daughtery, or Taylor Lautner. That one was new, because he caught a trailer for Twilight while scrolling through the TV, and while Johnny commented on how lame it looked, Joshua couldn’t help ogle the shirtless, ripped actor turning into a werewolf before his eyes.

He was in deep.

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Joshua dated another girl three months after he and Megan broke up. Krystal, another beautiful cheerleader who he met at church camp. The duo met before his sophomore year, her junior year, and remained good friends through school. Krystal asked him out during their shared gym class, and Joshua almost sounded desperate when he said yes.

Krystal was nice, but she wasn’t as much of a distraction to Joshua’s problem as Megan was the year prior. Maybe it was because Marco was closer to him more often, maybe it was because Marco approached him in the halls between classes. Maybe it was because when Marco eyed him up and down, Joshua could read it as an attempt to flirt.

Marco asked to come to Joshua’s house one weekend to study for a test. Joshua couldn’t tell if he was terrified or not, but his parents were so excited to know their perfect son was bringing home a friend, he couldn’t help but say yes. When Marco arrived at his front door with his bookbag and a plastic baggie of chips from the gas station that he knew Joshua liked, Joshua had to plant his feet firmly on the floor so he wouldn’t jump forward and just kiss him.

“Cool room.” Marco’s eyes fell to the collection of debate team awards and honor roll certificates lining the wall above his desk. He whistled. “Wow. Smarty pants, hm?” Joshua chuckled a bit because speaking felt scary. “I’m glad you’re my partner, then. We’re going to ace this test!” Marco grinned at him, and something in Joshua’s chest short circuited. “Ready?”

Marco sat up against the foot of Joshua’s bed, Joshua sitting directly across from him. They both were reading through their textbook, taking turns reading definitions aloud that they assumed would be included in the test.

“You’re so smart, Joshua.” Marco beamed up at him. “I wish I was half as smart as you.”

Joshua smiled. “You’re smart, don’t say that. You’re good at the hands-on stuff I’m not good at.” Marco’s grin turned into a playful smirk that made Joshua only force his smile more. “You’re disgusting.”

Marco only responded with a shrug, before reading the next chemistry question aloud. The duo went back and forth like this for about thirty minutes, before the two of them got side tracked chatting about whatever came to their minds. Their textbooks had long since been discarded to the other side of the bed, their focus on one another as they chatted. “You’ve never been to Italy?” Joshua’s eyes widened. Marco shook his head. “I went when I was 8 and I’m not even Italian!”

Marco laughed; a loud roar of a laugh that made Joshua feel a weird calmness despite how much it reverberated against the walls of his room. “Alright, Richie Rich. No need to rub it in my face!”

“I’m not!” He gasped. “I’m just surprised.”

“Well, if you’re so surprised, then next time you go to Italy, take me.” Joshua’s smile immediately fell, eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” He asked. Marco suddenly looked serious, almost nervous, and that feeling paralleled Joshua's expression. “Heh, I mean, I’d…I’d have to ask my parents, but-.”

Joshua didn’t get to finish before Marco leaned forward and planted one, big kiss on his lips. Joshua’s entire world came crashing down in one action. He couldn’t move, his entire body frozen solid as he stared ahead. He couldn’t even divert his eyes, he was stuck staring at Marco’s eyes, which were squeezed shut in nerves. He pulled back a second later, and Joshua immediately covered his mouth. His hands were shaking, eyes wide as he stared at the Italian-American across from him. It only took a second for Marco to realize what happened, his face carrying a similar look of panic.

“Wh….I’m sorry! Are you not? Oh fuck.” He looked around. Joshua couldn’t even speak, stunned to absolute silence as Marco hopped off his bed and scrambled for his bag. “Sorry! Sorry, sorry. I’ll go. I’ll just-.” Before he could exit the room, Joshua’s mom stepped in, a little tray of peeled and sliced oranges in her hands.

“Hope you two are hungry, because I brought-.” Her smile immediately fell when she saw the distressed boys before her. Joshua immediately turned his entire body from his mother. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Looking like a deer caught in headlights, Marco said. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Hong. I need to go. Thank you for having me.”

“O…okay.” Mrs. Hong watched the teen head out the door. “Come back soon, okay?” She turned to Joshua, staring at his back. “Honey? You okay?”

“Yeah.” Joshua coughed out, sitting up right. “Perfect, Mom.”

Marco stopped talking to Joshua outside of class after that, which hurt him more than he expected.

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“It’s because you’re gay, isn’t it?” Krystal and Joshua were sitting outside during the last week of school that year, one of their preferred dates once the weather got nicer.

Joshua almost choked on his soda, eyes widening at the girl across from him. “W-what? No!”

Krystal smiled a bit. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Then why are we breaking up? You know I’ll see you at camp all summer, right?”

“I just-.” Joshua paused. “I just don’t want to date this summer. It’s nothing against you.”

Krystal nodded, still unable to hide the smile on her lips. It made Joshua feel like he was being interrogated at the police department.

“Joshua, hun.” Krystal leaned forward on her elbows. “It’s okay if you’re into guys, you know that right?”

“I’m not.” Joshua said.

“I see how you look at Marco.” Hearing the name made Joshua’s heart feel as if it had fully stopped beating, the expression on his face only making Krystal’s grin widen. “See? Told you. You’re down bad for him.”

“I am not!” Joshua slammed his hands on the table. The force of the wood shaking made Krystal sit upright. Joshua immediately rubbed his hands together, the stinging traveling up to his elbows. “Stop….”

“I’m sorry.” She said softly. A pause before she stood up. “Either way, no hard feelings.” she smiled. “I’ll see you at camp. We’ll have another fun year. Okay?”

“Okay…” Joshua said as she left the picnic table, leaving him alone with two stinging, red hands and a set of tears threatening to escape his eyes.

He told his mother that he and Krystal broke up that night over dinner, and she was just as devastated as she was with Megan, if not more.

“She was such a nice girl, too.”

“I know.” Joshua pushed the rice in his bowl. His mother leaned across the table, gently smoothing out her son’s hair. He smiled up at her, almost leaning into the gentle touch.

“I’m so sorry, honey.” She cooed gently.

“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll be okay.” He assured.

“It’s okay to be a bit upset about it, Josh.” His father grinned behind the rim of his soju glass.

“I know.”

“Don’t worry, Joshua.” His mother said gently. “You’ll find a nice girl one day. She’s out there somewhere.” Joshua gripped the chopsticks in his hands. He felt like his lips were on fire, the feeling of being kissed by someone as beautiful and as kind as Marco Rizzo still haunting him months later.

He shoved the next bite of rice in his mouth so he didn’t have to say ‘Yes, Mom’ this time. He just might start crying if he had to utter yet another lie at the dinner table.

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Joshua spent the rest of his junior year similarly to how he spent the prior two; dating girls in short periods in the hopes of ignoring the intense feelings he had for the new boy that walked into his life. This year, it was senior Christian Jones, one of the track and field members. A known gym rat whose locker ended up being right next to Joshua’s in gym class that year. Nothing exciting came of that because he was dating Tiffany, a beautiful senior and lead singer in the school choir. Joshua could only watch from afar until his feelings fizzled out at junior prom. That was the easiest of all four years.

Senior year it was Kyle Davis, who sat next to him in Study Hall. He always offered Joshua a piece of gum and said his eyes were really pretty. Kyle had jet-black hair, cut short just like he did, and striking blue eyes that Joshua thought about long after the duo parted each day for class. He was also open about being gay. Throughout the year, Joshua found comfort in Kyle that went beyond simple attraction, but infatuation with Kyle and everything about him. During Study Hall, Kyle would talk to him about the latest episode of this show, RuPaul’s Drag Race, beaming each week during the fifth season’s run when Jinx Monsoon slayed, and crying when Ivy Winters was eliminated. Joshua had no idea what he was talking about, but he would listen to Kyle count sheep hopping over a fence if it meant he could stare at those beautiful blue eyes for another few minutes.

Being himself around Kyle Davis never felt forced or scary. It felt good. There were no expectations with him, only moments. Joshua spent nights at his house binging all past seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race, admiring the confidence the contestants had in themselves and their sexuality. Because of their friendship, Joshua rekindled with Marco, the group becoming a close knit trio.

Kyle never asked if Joshua was gay, but it felt like he knew. The way he so subtly pointed out handsome men in the crowd when they people watched at the park, the way he always kept a close seat, yet never crossed any boundaries. He dubbed himself the “Gay Yoda”, a guru that Joshua felt safe with.

Joshua loved his parents, and his church, and his friends, but the love that bubbled in his chest for Kyle was one that was vastly different. It was beautiful, it was the one thing about the entire journey that Joshua felt was perfect.

“Are you going to prom?” Kyle asked, passing over his gum pack. Joshua leaned forward and took one. “I mean, I figured you probably will, right? You’re practically guaranteed Prom King.”

Joshua snorted as he popped the gum into his mouth. “Am not.”

“Hong: Humble and Handsome.” Kyle cooed. “That’ll be on your tombstone, bestie~.” Joshua rolled his eyes as he typed away at his computer. “But seriously, are you going?”

“Are you?”

“Uh, duh. I have the cutest maroon tuxedo that I got on sale, and the world needs to see me in it before I die.” Joshua chuckled, nodding his head. “I’m only asking because we should go together.” Joshua’s fingers stopped typing as he looked up at Kyle, who only smiled wider. “Don’t worry, it’s not a promposal or anything. I wouldn’t be that dramatic.”

“Yes, you totally would.” Joshua corrected. Going to prom with Kyle would be a beautiful nightmare, one he wanted to agree to so badly because he wanted to give him a corsage and flowers and tell him Kyle looked beautiful in the maroon suit because he knew it was going to be true.

“I’m saying we should go as friends. Who are you taking?” Joshua shrugged.

“No idea.”

“What about Krystal? Don’t you still talk to her?”

Joshua had told Kyle about his high school girlfriends and how they all managed to end one way or another. Krystal and Joshua had stayed pretty good friends at church camp even after their break-up. “She’s a freshman in college. Why would she want to go to some senior prom?”

“Because she won’t expect anything from you.” Joshua didn’t have time to respond before the bell rang, and Kyle waved him off before heading to his next class.

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It was already 4am the next morning, but Joshua wasn’t studying. Finals had come and gone, and he had secured, to the ever-growing praise of his parents and friends, the spot as valedictorian for the graduating class of 2014. With a full ride to college in his back pocket, for the first time in his school career, he could relax.

Well, he thought he could. But contrary to the ever-prevalent ‘perfect’, ‘relax’ seems to be the one word that never stayed in his mental dictionary. Tucked away in the corner of his closet, hands gripping the shiny, new iPhone he was given for graduation, Joshua was frantic. His parents had long since turned in, leaving him to sob via FaceTime to the one person he knew he could rely on: Yoon Jeonghan. Being midday in Korea, Joshua always knew he was a safe bet when he needed someone to talk to late at night.

“Jeonghan, what am I going to do?�� he sobbed, resting his head against the wall. “I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t.”

“Joshuji, relax.” Jeonghan soothed gently. They had been on the phone for forty-five minutes already as he listened to his friend’s troubles. “Why don’t you just go with him and say it’s a friend’s thing?”

“My parents want me to take a girl. They’ll be so disappointed if their only son doesn’t go to his last prom of high school without a date! Everyone thinks I’m going to ask a girl! If I don’t, I’m basically wearing a sign around my neck saying ‘I’m into guys, I’ve fooled you all!’”

“As long as it matches the suit, I think it’ll be okay.” Jeonghan teased.

“You’re not helping!” Joshua sobbed, his head falling into his knees. “I can’t do it anymore; I just can’t handle this anymore. Any of it…I want this to be over.”

“School?”

“Everything.” He sniffled. “I want everything to be over. I can’t be around to disappoint anyone if I’m not around at all.”

“Hong Jisoo!” The sound of his Korean name made him lift his head up to see Jeonghan glaring at him. “Don’t talk like that! Do you know how many lives would be different if you weren’t in them at this very moment?! Your parents, Kyle’s, Johnny’s, mine?”

The duo sat in silence because Joshua didn’t know what else to say. It was a long, painful silence. Finally, Joshua choked up. “I’m so hopelessly in love with him and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m terrified….”

“I know.” Jeonghan said. “Just think, the year will be over soon and you’ll be on a flight to see me for the summer. We will have the best summer ever! Then, when you are ready to go back for college, we can figure out your feelings together, okay?”

“Okay.” Joshua hummed. Eventually ending the call with a reassuring sendoff, Joshua let silence overtake him. He leaned against his perfectly organized church clothes for another long minute and let out a defeated sign. The sun was already rising, bleeding in through the window, as he pulled out his phone to text Krystal, asking her to be his date to the senior prom.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

Prom pictures included himself, Krystal, Johnny, his date, and Kyle posing all over Joshua’s large house. Their parents made it a whole thing, Joshua’s mother crying at how handsome he looked. How perfect he looked and what a respectable young man he had grown up to be. Joshua felt nauseous the entire time, keeping his gaze anywhere but in Kyle’s direction because he knew if he stared too long, his mother would snap a picture where he had hearts in his eyes.

Krystal’s popularity in high school meant she had more than enough friends in the senior class to mingle with, Joshua not minding one bit. Most of the night was great, chatting up friends, taking photos and dancing. This was the last time for them to let loose like this in school. After this year, everyone was going to travel their own paths, breaking apart as they discovered what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives.

Joshua’s path had been predetermined since before he knew the word ‘perfect’; go to college with an academic scholarship, excel in both grades and extracurriculars, and graduate top of his class with a job offer in any school district he wanted. It was easy, it was predictable, it was safe.

When Kyle pulled him to the dance floor as ‘Let Me Love You’ by Ne-Yo blasted on the dance floor, Joshua knew that there was a massive wrench thrown in his plans. He had spent the past 4 years trying so hard to ignore said wrench, to allow for his carefully crafted plans to play out without issue. However, each time he tried to bury the wrench and forget it existed, it would unearth itself and barrel back into view like a vicious boomerang.

By the end of the night, Joshua was standing outside the venue, getting some much needed air after being bombarded by friends congratulating him for his expected – and according to Krystal, deserved - Prom King win. He only got to enjoy the quiet for a few minutes before Kyle appeared behind him.

“Hey, King.” He smirked. “Did I call it or what?”

“Yeah, yeah. You probably rigged the vote.”

“I may have.” A teasing grin formed on his face. He stood at Joshua’s side and the duo fell into a comfortable silence. Joshua felt his heart pumping in his chest, picking at his fingernails in an attempt to keep his hands, eyes, and mind distracted. Finally, Kyle spoke up. “You know you’ll always be one of my best friends, right?”

Joshua hummed. “Yeah. You too.”

Kyle nodded his head. “I want to ask you something kind of personal.” Joshua’s hands paused their skin picking and he looked over. “...I never wanted to ask, because you always looked nervous about it, but…” blue eyes that sparkled even brighter under the stars fell in his direction. “Joshua, are you gay?”

Joshua looked back at him. He licked his lips. “N-.” A deep breath. “I don’t know…I think so.”

“How long have you ‘thought so’?”

“Probably freshman year…”

Kyle smiled, almost sadly, Joshua noticed. “It was a lot for me to come to terms with, too. There’s a lot of things you need to think about. I was terrified to tell my parents.”

“Your parents are cool, though.” Joshua looked down at his fingers again. Another moment of silence, before Kyle stepped closer to Joshua. He finally looked back up, noticing the distance between them get smaller. “…Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked softly.

Kyle shrugged. “I know I said it was hard for me to come to terms with but I’m happier now than I was when I was 13, sneaking around at school and telling my grandma at Thanksgiving that I had a girlfriend from Canada or something.” Joshua chuckled a bit under his breath. “Everyone has their own experience. You’ll find out how you fit into everything at your own pace.”

“I wish it was that easy…” he said softly. Kyle poked his cheek, and when Joshua turned his head to look at him, he asked:

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua paused for only a second. “I’ve always tried to find the perfect time to ask so…” Joshua smiled, giving a nod of his head.

“Okay…” With a beaming grin, Kyle leaned in and planted one very quick kiss on his lips. Joshua felt him pull back, but he didn’t get far before Joshua grabbed him by the tie of his suit and eyed him up and down. “That suit really does look good on you.” He said. Kyle grinned as he quickly leaned into another kiss. Things were finally looking up just a bit.

The summer after, while Joshua was in South Korea, Kyle moved across the country for college. The duo still kept in touch over the phone and on social media. Kyle is still saved in Joshua’s phone as ‘Your Gay Yoda’, and Joshua will dare not change it for as long as he lives and breathes on this earth. But their relationship never really went farther than catching up during the summer when Kyle returned home, and Joshua had to tell himself that it was perfect, whether he liked it or not.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

Joshua attended college two hours away from home, hoping the distance between himself and his parents would help ease some of his worries. It did; sort of. He could stare at other men who had yet to know him and offer a few attempts at flirting without worrying that it would get to his mom through the church book club. He managed to room with the one person he knew from high school, but he was out so often chasing girls and going to parties that Joshua basically roomed alone. That was fine by him.

College, at first, was uneventful. Late-night study sessions at the library, working weekends at a tutoring center for children off campus, and attending tons of school events. One, in particular, made his entire world flip upside down. When he attended a mid-semester fall festival and met the very handsome Liberal Arts major that was Kim Taehyung.

How does one describe Kim Taehyung? Kim Taehyung has a boxy smile, beautiful skin, and a deep voice that makes Joshua tremble every time he hears it. The duo became fast friends, and Joshua developed feelings even faster. However, he kept them tucked away in the farthest part of his brain. Taehyung was the first real friend he made on campus, and he had no intention of letting feelings come between them. They also shared the same birthday, down to the year and date. When Joshua and Taehyung found this out, Taehyung was tickled about finding his ‘hot birthday twin’. The word ‘hot’ seared itself into Joshua’s skull, but he only laughed along.

When December 30th finally rolled around, and Taehyung suggested that they celebrate properly, Joshua didn’t need to read too deep into the lustful gaze Taehyung gave him from the other side of the dorm room, or the way his voice practically growled into the words. He knew exactly what was being offered.

His 19th birthday was, without question, the best one of his life. Even though he may have cried about it when all was said and done.

All of Joshua’s previous notions about sex being “sacred” and “only for after marriage” went out the window at the first promise of freedom and self-expression. Joshua and Taehyung managed a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship through the first two years of college. Joshua would take girls home to his parents, but always return to Taehyung’s dorm the second he got back to campus. The only time he didn’t see Taehyung was during midterms and finals because he locked himself into his room much as he always did, forgoing sleep, food, and even sex. If he was going to disappoint his parents in the shadows, he had to make them proud in the daylight. But when exams were over, and Joshua finally allowed himself to breathe, he found himself running off with Taehyung, somewhere that they could be alone.

But over time, it wasn’t just Taehyung. It was anyone he could get his hands on. At college parties, Joshua found someone new to sneak back into his dorm. Late nights were no longer filled with blurs of textbooks, but blurs of faces Joshua couldn’t remember when he woke up the next morning. He would lie in his bed, listening to the clock tick away painfully slow before he forced himself out of bed, packed foundation under his eyes, downed a cup of coffee and an Ibuprofen – two depending on how the night went – and made his way out of the dorm with a smile plastered on his face. He was good at the double life. It was easy, it felt almost natural.

It was painful. Every day felt like he was running, looking over his shoulder in fear of being caught. He needed to get far enough away from LA, from the crushing weight of his parent’s eyes. Even with two hours of distance, it took one car ride and they’d be at his door, and who knows what they’d see. Joshua couldn’t handle it. He needed to get farther.

He needed to hop on a plane.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

Joshua moved to Korea the summer before his junior year started. Inspired by one of his family’s yearly trips to South Korea, where he spent a few days teaching eager six-year-olds how to say “My name is” in English. He left that trip knowing exactly what he wanted to do.

In a new space, Joshua needed time to adjust. He settled into Jeonghan’s apartment and began attending school, keeping his head low the first year, managing his good grades the only way he knew how: Ibuprofen and coffee. His reputation as the overachieving newbie snagged him a job as TA for Professor Moon his senior year. The bar of expectation was one Joshua could meet easily, even if he had to stay up for three straight nights practicing his high jump. In Korea, he felt free from the watchful eye of his parents, far enough away to figure things out for himself without worrying about bringing anyone home and putting on any shows. Things were finally starting to feel normal once again.

Then Lee Seokmin was seen staring at him in front of the quad in the fall of his senior year.

Joshua caught the awkward brunette staring at him while he was ending a phone call with his mother, watching him full sprint back inside when they made eye contact. The nameless individual disappeared within the crowd of students before he could even step back inside. There wasn’t enough time to go searching for him now, despite how curious he was. Chalking it up to a cute encounter, Joshua made his way towards his next class.

That wasn’t the last time Joshua had seen Lee Seokmin, in fact, the encounters only doubled. He was friends with students in the classes he worked for, and lived a few blocks away from his most frequented convenience store. Very few art pieces in all of the museums Joshua has been to in his life compared to the side profile of this brunette on campus. Joshua felt the breath hitch in his throat when Seokmin opened his mouth to talk, fumbling over his words when realizing he bought the last of the chicken ramen in the store. He felt fireworks going off in his entire body whenever Seokmin took his hand, the feeling remaining even after the both of them parted.

Lee Seokmin drove Joshua’s mind into a frenzy. He didn’t realize how hard someone could fall for another person after only meeting them a handful of times, but he couldn’t get Seokmin out of his mind. Sentences in his textbooks melted into questions Seokmin asked him that day, that toothy grin etched so deeply into his brain that even the toughest of diagrams couldn’t break through. Joshua had to hold himself back from doodling the guy’s name on someone’s essay! When Joshua heard Seokmin laugh, it felt like a sin not to smile back because he was just so damn beautiful and contagious. Joshua wanted to be around Seokmin all the time.

So, when he offered to help prepare Seokmin’s lines for the auditions, he meant it. It came with a problem, however. How would move his busy midterm study schedule to accommodate a few hours of freedom? He eyed his calendar for any little spot, any opening that he could squeeze Seokmin into because he wanted to see him so badly. Guess I’ll start my all-nighter’s a bit earlier this term.

“Sunday evening. I can hang out Sunday evening, I’ll make it work.”

Seokmin looked shocked, but a glimmer of excitement in his eyes was enough to cement the offer. “Are you sure?”

“As long as it’s not too late, yes, I’m sure.” And it was set.

The night before seeing Seokmin, Joshua stayed up the entire time, working to make sure he wouldn’t fall behind in his work for Professor Moon or in his classes. From 10 p.m. to 10 a.m., he lived on coffee and adrenaline much as he always did, a tissue discarded from the nosebleed he had to tend to from 2-2:30. No big deal, just another obstacle.

At 5 that morning, however, after sending a confirmation text to Seokmin, Joshua sat on the couch to relax and didn’t remember anything else. The next thing he remembered was Jeonghan shaking him awake, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Joshua’s eyes snapped open and he sat up.

“What time is it?” he gasped, eyes still glazed over as he woke up.

“5,” Jeonghan said. “Didn’t you have somewhere to be?” Joshua’s paled.

“Oh, fuck.” Hopping off the couch, Joshua hurried into his room to throw on the first few things he could find in his closet and took off out the door. Seokmin forgave him that time, he was lucky. But it didn’t stop there. Joshua was going to head to Seokmin’s audition when Professor Moon pulled him aside, asking him to get a head start on creating a test for the next unit. Joshua was able to create a fleshed-out and comprehensive test in under an hour. Not a problem, right?

Joshua sat down in the back of the lecture hall to get to work, and he didn’t remember anything else. All he remembers is blinking a few extra times and realizing he was still sitting in front of the computer. While the test was finished, auditions had already been going on for about an hour. Joshua found himself racing across campus, head pounding from the intense stare he must have given the screen. But he was still too late.

Joshua was unable to be the perfect anything to Seokmin. He could only play the part so much, gentle smiles and warm embraces to keep Seokmin at his side. But in reality, he was floundering and he didn’t know what to do about it. It would only be a matter of time before Seokmin was the one to call him out on his facade. He would rip the perfect mask off, stomp it under his heel, and storm away, leaving Joshua alone and imperfect.

Despite this, however, Seokmin still stayed by Joshua’s side. He still smiled when Joshua complimented him, and he still blushed when the duo bumped elbows. It was perfect, he was perfect. Joshua almost envied how perfect Lee Seokmin was. It hurt Joshua even more knowing he caused Seokmin so much pain in only a few months.

Seokmin had just come to see Joshua during one of his discussions, shy but smiling just as he always was. Joshua’s heart was in a vice grip. He’d popped an Ibuprofen to hopefully soothe the throbbing in his brain. Seeing the smile he’d grown to adore fall from Seokmin’s face, hurt worse than any headache he’d ever experienced.

In hopes of soothing his brain, Joshua had convinced Jeonghan to sit and make bracelets together with him. They’d been at it for an hour, and so far, no luck, his mind still racing with a million and one thoughts. They worked in silence for a long time, before Joshua finally paused his work on the bracelet. ��He’s too good for me, Jeonghan. I don’t deserve him.”

Jeonghan was silent for a long time, stringing a few random colors onto the cord in his grip. He turned to Joshua and said: “Joshua, that’s not true.” Eyes softening, Jeonghan shifted in his seat and looked at the younger of the two. “We’re at that point in our lives where relationships are going to get harder. Being in a relationship is supposed to make life enjoyable, not painful. You need balance.” When Joshua didn’t reply, Jeonghan continued: “But you won’t get balance, in a relationship or anything, if you keep this whole studying nonsense up while trying to manage a relationship.”

Joshua glanced over. “I….” He sighed. “I know.”

Jeonghan leaned forward. “Where do you see yourself in the future?”

The question left him speechless. He was no longer standing on the same race track he had in the past. Joshua could push all he wanted, but the finish line in this long and painful race was no longer in his sights. “Teaching.” That was all he could say. “Like I’ve always planned.”

“Not with Seokmin?”

“That too.” he added. “I would hope…”

Jeonghan hummed. “Well, when I look at you, I see a really successful teacher. One who changes lives and makes an impact.” Joshua smiled a bit. “Want to know what I don’t see?” He scooted closer, plucking the bead from his friend's fingers, only to use it on his own. Joshua pouted. “I don’t see someone whose path in life will crumble at his feet just because of a point or two off a test, or a missing homework assignment. But you don’t let yourself have that break, that’s why you’re at this crossroads with Seokmin. You want to be perfect in to many areas. You need that balance, need to discard some of the burden.”

Joshua felt his eyes sting; with a sigh, he leaned back against the chair. “Jeonghan…” his voice was trembling. “It sounds so easy when you say it that way…I wish I could say it that easily…”

Jeonghan hummed. “Let me do it for now, then…I’ll carry that burden until it isn’t a burden anymore.” Jeonghan offered. “And if I’m not around to say it, then Seokmin will take my place, no question. He wants to be in your life. I can see how much he means to you. And I can see how much you mean to him. He’s crazy about you, Joshua….”

“You think?” Joshua asked, feeling the cracks in his heart mend just a bit. Jeonghan smiled.

“But before you can handle any of that, you need to take a good look at yourself and decide what you need to have in your life to be happy.” He nestled himself up to Joshua and flashed a playful grin. “I’ll get you started. Number one: me. You’re stuck with me forever.” Joshua, for the first time since sitting down to make the bracelets, felt his nose crinkle and a genuine laugh escape his lips.

After his talk with Jeonghan, Joshua was trying to focus on his studies, on his discussions, on himself, but he couldn’t. The entire time he was thinking of Seokmin, of just how upset he must feel. Most of his late nights were spent just staring at his screen, eyes bloodshot and strained. He could barely close his eyes without his head falling heavy onto the desk, the contact of his skull and the wood snapping him awake for another few hours. It went on for weeks; he stayed home from school because it felt as if his body was glued to his desk chair. If he was going to be a disappointment to Seokmin in the shadows, he needed to be a respectable student in the daylight. There needed to be some gain if he was at risk of losing so much.

The day Seokmin visited, Joshua could barely feel the things around him. His fingers could barely type, and his eyes could barely focus. Coffee wasn’t enough, and he had only managed to sleep for an hour before his body woke up in a cold sweat and a panic. However, when Seokmin was staring at him through his door frame, Joshua felt a light switch in his body trying desperately to flick on. He tried to look presentable for him, to smile for him, and listen to whatever it was he came over to say. He could barely register any string of words, but he knew he wanted to hear it. A few Ibuprofens and a vocalized plea for them to kill him were just enough to keep him grounded so Seokmin could speak.

He didn’t expect the nosebleed, however. Or to stagger into the bathroom and stare at his reflection. He didn’t expect to see two of himself in the bathroom mirror, or for his legs to buckle when he tried to turn back around and head into the living room. He also didn’t expect to fall over and for everything to turn dark for a few minutes. But at least he was finally able to sleep.

The only thing he remembers is opening his eyes just barely, feeling something cold on his forehead. His eyes were blurry, and the ringing in his ears made it feel as though they would burst any moment. He could hear very faint speaking, but he could barely make out who was sitting beside him. It felt like he was looking through a kaleidoscope.

“Hit his head….yes….it’s unlocked….he has a…..and a….okay…. hurry.”

And he doesn’t remember much else.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

It felt as if someone was pounding a hammer in Joshua’s skull, right between the eyes. He groaned, unsuccessful at squeezing the throbbing sensation out through his ears. As his body began waking up, he felt a sting in his arm. His head lolled to the side, where he saw a large tube leading up to an IV bag. When he opened his mouth, it was incredibly dry, and he wasn’t able to speak until he licked his lips and swallowed a few times.

Joshua sat up in bed, looking down at the needle in his arm connected to the IV. His eyes scanned the room he was in, a single-person hospital room. The sun was barely poking from behind the skyscrapers that surrounded them, spilling into the little couch on the other end of the room. When his hand went up to his head, he felt something soft. Turning to the nearest mirror, a large white bandage was wrapped around his forehead. His nose wasn’t bleeding anymore. That’s a plus. “What the hell happened?”

Shifting in bed was harder to do than expected; the throbbing in his head felt as if the hammer had been replaced with a chainsaw. Great. Just perfect. He thought to himself. Searching for a call button led Joshua’s eyes to land on something else, something that made his breath hitch and his brain start rewinding the tapes in his head of how he ended up here.

On the other side of his bed, closer to the skyline view, Seokmin had his head resting on the bed. His eyes were closed tight as if to fight back against whatever nightmare was plaguing him. Joshua immediately leaned forward and pressed a hand gently into Seokmin’s hair. Fingers threaded gently among Seokmin’s locks, and within minutes, the twisted, pained look on Seokmin’s face began to soften. He finally began sleeping with a content look etched into each one of his perfect features. Joshua smiled a bit.

It was still early; a nurse wouldn’t come to the room for another few hours. So, Joshua passed the time in silence, his hand tangled in Seokmin’s soft locks long after he had found peace in his dreams.

Joshua Hong, the man whose name was always melded within ‘perfect’ to the point he thought they were the same word, had a thought cross his mind.

Joshua spent his entire life trying to embody the word ‘perfect’, while Lee Seokmin filled the role naturally. Joshua wanted to be jealous, but as he looked at the sleeping man at his bedside, he could only hope that the word hadn’t wormed its way into Seokmin’s life and forced him to maintain such high expectations, as it did for Joshua. He wanted better for Seokmin.

Seokmin was like an open book, one Joshua wanted to keep reading over and over again, keeping note of each of his favorite parts to reference back to later. He wanted to find all of Seokmin’s deeper meanings and his ideals. Cover to cover, Joshua wanted to understand the entire story that was Lee Seokmin.

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syfyhq · 2 years ago

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you look out onto the beach in front of you. this was supposed to have been a regular flight and now ? now everyone was stranded. life would never be the same. suddenly you look around to hear screaming as a giant creature burst from the jungle behind the wreckage.

under the cut, you’ll find the accepted application! for all of our accepted applicants, please refer to our new member checklist on further instructions. welcome, to SYFYHQ !

ALAS/JOSHUA ALVAREZ // have you seen SCOTT CINCO around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto HE is a 21 year old CIS MAN. i hear they’re known being an ACTOR. SCOTT is also known to be ASSIDUOUS yet also QUIXOTIC at times. we have a couple questions for SCOTT when we find HIM, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as HE WITNESSED HIS FRIEND DIE DURING THE CRASH BUT IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE SHE'S STILL ALIVE! (hazel, 21, gmt, she/they)

BEN BARNES // have you seen HENRY STAFFORD around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto HE is a 40 year old CIS MAN**. i hear they’re known being a/an SURGEON. HENRY is also known to be PERSISTENT yet also ARROGANT at times. we have a couple questions for HENRY when we find HIM, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as HIS LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP ENDED AFTER HENRY HAD AN AFFAIR! (ann, 30, est, she/her)

CEMRE BAYSEL // have you seen BÜŞRA ŞAHIN around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE is a 22 year old CIS WOMAN. i hear they’re known being an AU PAIR. BÜŞRA is also known to be LOYAL yet also STUBBORN at times. we have a couple questions for BÜŞRA when we find HER, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as IN APPLYING TO BE AN AU PAIR IN THE US, SHE LIED ABOUT AND FORGED HOW MANY HOURS OF CHILDCARE EXPERIENCE SHE HAD, AND DID NOT ACTUALLY HAVE THE REQUIRED 200 HOURS TO WORK WITH A FAMILY WITH A CHILD UNDER 2! (natalie, 25, est, she/her)

DEVON BOSTICK // have you seen ISAAC HAGEN around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto HE/HIM IS a 27 year old CIS MALE. i hear they’re known being a/an POT DEALER. ISAAC is also known to be PERCEPTIVE yet also FACETIOUS at times. we have a couple questions for ISAAC when we find HIM, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as RUNNING FROM LAW ENFORCEMENT! (cal, 25, mst, she/her)

ELLIE DESAUTELS // have you seen DYLAN FISCHER around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto THEY ARE a TWENTY-EIGHT year old NONBINARY. i hear they’re known being a/an MUSICIAN. DYLAN is also known to be PASSIONATE yet also SELF-DESTRUCTIVE at times. we have a couple questions for DYLAN when we find THEM, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as THEIR LAST NAME IS ACTUALLY SCHNEIDER, AND THEY STOLE THEIR BEST FRIEND'S IDENTITY FOR A JOB! (aslee, 28, pdt, they/them)

ERANA JAMES // have you seen LOGAN TAYLOR around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE is a 23 year old CIS WOMAN. i hear they’re known being a STUDENT. LOGAN is also known to be RESOURCEFUL yet also DRAMATIC at times. we have a couple questions for LOGAN when we find HER, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as LOGAN DROPPED OUT OF UNIVERSITY AND HAS BEEN HIDING IT! (lauren, 26, cst, she/they)

GABRIELLE UNION// have you seen VALERIE BAKER around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure she’s still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE is an 18 year old CIS WOMAN. i hear she’s known being a CHEERLEADER. VALERIE is also known to be DETERMINED yet also DITZY at times. we have a couple questions for VALERIE when we find HER, we heard something about a secret she might have? such as ACCIDENTALLY SETTING OFF THE FIRE ALARM IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! (akuri, 18, est, she/her)

JESSICA HENWICK // have you seen LILA STENBERG around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE/HER IS a 28 year old CIS FEMALE. i hear they’re known being a/an ACTRESS. LILA is also known to be OUTGOING yet also JUDGEMENTAL at times. we have a couple questions for LILA when we find HER, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as SLEEPING WITH PRODUCERS! (cal, 25, mst, she/her)

KATE WINSLET // have you seen ELEANOR SANSONE around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE IS a FORTY-SEVEN year old WOMAN. i hear they’re known for being a HIGH PROFILE LAWYER. ELEANOR is also known to be ATTENTIVE TO DETAIL yet also ARGUMENTATIVE at times. we have a couple questions for ELANOR when we find HER, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as HAS BRIBED JUDGES AND WITNESSES TO AID IN HER CAREER! (B, 32, est, she/her)

LEWIS TAN // have you seen HALE CHENG around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto HE/HIM/HIS is a THIRTY-FIVE year old CIS MAN**. i hear they’re known being a/an ARCHITECT. HALE is also known to be OUTSPOKEN yet also ARROGANT at times. we have a couple questions for HALE when we find HIM, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as HE IS AN EXCELLENT COOK BUT HIS GUILTY PLEASURES ARE ANYTHING PACKAGED OR INSTANT! (seven, 35, eastern, any pronouns)

MADELAINE PETSCH // have you seen ELIZABETH THOMAS around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE IS a TWENTY-SIX year old CIS WOMAN. i hear they’re known being an AUTHOR. ELIZABETH is also known to be LOGICAL yet also PRIVATE at times. we have a couple questions for ELIZABETH when we find HER, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as SHE ACTUALLY HAS AN IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER THAT SHE DOESN’T SPEAK TO ANYMORE! (mercedes, 26, mst, she/her)

MAY CALAMAWY // have you seen YAZMINE ELSAYED around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE IS a 36 year old CIS WOMAN. i hear they’re known being a/an WEDDING AND EVENT COORDINATOR. YAZMINE is also known to be CARING yet also RESENTFUL at times. we have a couple questions for YAZMINE when we find HER, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as SHE HAD AN ABORTION. (cat, 28, gmt, they/she)

MIRANDA RAY MAYO // have you seen THALIA SHARPE around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE is a THIRTY-TWO year old CIS WOMAN**. i hear they’re known being a/an LANDSCAPE GARDNER. THALIA is also known to be AFFIRMING yet also MERCURIAL at times. we have a couple questions for THALIA when we find HER, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as BEING INVOLVED IN A LOCAL SCANDAL! (jas, twenty-eight, est, she/he

MORGAN HOLMSTROM // have you seen NICHOLE HERMOSO around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto SHE is a 25 year old CIS WOMAN. i hear they’re known being a FLIGHT ATTENDANT. NICHOLE is also known to be PROTECTIVE yet also TEMPERAMENTAL at times. we have a couple questions for NICHOLE when we find HER, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as SHE COMES FROM A WEALTHY FAMILY BUT PRETENDS SHE DOESN’T AS SHE DOESN’T WANT PEOPLE TO TREAT HER LIKE A TYPICAL “RICH KID”! (natalie, 25, est, she/her)

QUINTESSA SWINDELL // have you seen ERIN WILLIAMS around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto HE/THEY ARE a 24 year old NON-BINARY PERSON.. i hear they’re known being a WAITER. ERIN is also known to be RESILIENT yet also STUBBORN at times. we have a couple questions for ERIN when we find THEM, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as HE MOVED OUT WHEN HE WAS 16 AND HASN’T SPOKEN TO HIS MOM SINCE! (cat, 28, gmt, they/she)

THEO JAMES // have you seen MATTHEW COOKE around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto HE is a THIRTY-SIX year old CIS MALE. i hear they’re known being a BARTENDER. MATT is also known to be AFFABLE yet also INHIBITED at times. we have a couple questions for NAME when we find HIM, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as THEY HAVEN’T BEEN ON A DATE SINCE COLLEGE! (kiara, 18, est, she/her)

YAHYA ABDUL-MATEEN II // have you seen MATTEO D’IGNAZIO around the crash site? we’re trying to make sure they’re still alive after the crash! according to the manifesto HE IS a THIRTY-SIX year old MAN. i hear they’re known for being a PARK RANGER FOR THE MONONGAHELA NATIONAL FOREST, MATTEO is also known to be EXTREMELY LAID BACK yet also LAZY at times. we have a couple questions for MATTEO when we find HIM, we heard something about a secret they might have? such as HE WAS A THEATER KID IN HIGH SCHOOL! (B, 32, est, she/her)

#syfy.accepted

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