#josh klinghoffer fanfiction josh klinghoffer fan fiction

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 40: Just ride

Her I am with another chapter! I never going to stop thanking all for all the support and the feedback! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Read chapter 39

-          Josh is out of control! How fucking dare he! – Anastasia was telling Mandy while both were swimming at Anastasia’s house pool.

-          I have to admit that I wasn’t team Richard before but now I totally support him – Mandy answered lying on a float with the shape of a sea shell – Josh is acting like a baby, so immature. He wants to have it all, he wants Lauren and he wants you but he didn’t see Richard coming.

-          You should have seen him begging me not to leave him and to be patient with him, but I’m done – Anastasia said with anger – I honestly didn’t see Richard coming either but everything happens for a reason.

-          He is so sweet – Mandy said.

-          And dreamy – Anastasia said.

-          And fun.

-          And talented.

-          And easy to talk to.

-          And easy to be around.

-          And so handsome.

-          And so perfect – Both friends looked at each other and laughed – This is exactly like when we were sixteen – Anastasia said – It’s so crazy we’re talking about the same guy.

-          I never would have thought Richard Austin would fall for you.

-          He hasn’t fallen for me.

-          An… the way he put his hand around your waist when you were watching the Peppers, and the way you two sang and looked at each other at the show. At Glasto he looked at you with such lovely eyes. He is incredible but, for now, I’m going to abstain from telling you what to do because I told you to let Josh into your heart and that didn’t go well at all. I’m sorry for that.

-          You don’t have to apologize, neither one of us would’ve thought that Josh would do such things. – Mandy nodded at her friend’s words.

-          Have you talked to him? To Richard?

-          He texts me or calls me every day. He is going to be in Los Angeles next week so maybe we’ll go out or something. He actually has a show at the Fonda Theater, we should go!

-          That would be amazing.

Richard was truly amazing to Anastasia, and after all her love-life-craziness in the past years, it was nice for her to have someone solid around. Richard was so sure of himself and so sure of what he wanted. As he told her, he was going to be in Los Angeles for about a week for the Fonda show and some promotion for the new record, so Anastasia thought it would be cool to invite him for dinner at her place. She told him she would “cook” for him, but what she actually meant was she would buy food to make him think she cooked it.

Richard arrived at An’s house wearing a green tee shirt and a jean jacket with the sleeves rolled up and holding a bottle of champagne.

-          You cooking for me is so special that I thought champagne would be perfect – He said at the door with half a smile.

-          It goes perfectly with the seafood I made – Anastasia laughed because she didn’t cook any of it. She was wearing a jean pinafore dress with high-heeled green velvet sandals and her hair tied up in a ponytail.

-          Your house is beautiful – He said looking and the backyard and the skyline of the city.

-          Thank you – Anastasia said looking at his face, he had a Marlon Brandon kind of aura – Come take a seat, the table’s set and the food is ready.

She decided to go with all kind of seafood, crab, oysters, lobster and more. The food was delicious and the conversation with Richard was easy, intelligent and nice as usual. She learned that Richard’s parents were Vegas natives and he was born and raised there too, his dad use to be a doorman at the Flamingo and his mom use to be a waitress at the same hotel and they met there. He also had two older sisters so he grew up in a very feminine environment; he had one niece and two nephews. His son’s name was Elijah and he was nine years old. He met his ex-wife in high school so he hadn’t been with a lot of women during his life, “Maybe two”, he said.

Growing up in Las Vegas was fun because of the culture, he did a lot of crazy stuff as a teenager, of course, but the glamour and the lights and all the big shows always had his attention and he loved that. His band got together because all the members were neighbors and they knew each other since they were kids; that meant they were tight as friends just as Dead Curse was. He wasn’t proud of the beginnings of the band because as they got famous he developed a very arrogant ego and that brought a lot of negativity to the image of The Genius Sex Poets but all of that was in the past now.

Although he played guitar, bass and piano, he wasn’t that much of a music geek. It was a huge part of his life but now family was his priority. The way he talked about his son captivated Anastasia’s mind. He loved to travel and driving in the dessert, because having grown up in Las Vegas apparently being in the dessert was a huge thing to do, “It’s like escaping, leaving all the craziness behind. I go there every time I need to have a minute and breathe”, he told her. Apparently, he did that a lot during his divorce.

-          I really thought I was going to spend my life with her – He said at the table – But she never got used to this kind of life style, of me not being around as I would wanted. She wanted me to quit and have a business or something, but that’s not me, I couldn’t do that. Music has giving me so many great things and I won’t leave it for anything – Anastasia felt the same, she couldn’t see her doing anything else.

After dinner, he opened the bottle he brought and they enjoyed it on the backyard with the stars as a roof and moonshine as illumination. The natural element conspired to create a romantic aura.

-          I really have to say that you look especially beautiful tonight – He said tucking some of her loose hairs around the ponytail behind her left ear.

-          Maybe is it because I cooked you all that food – She lied and laughed.

-          I always have such a great time with you – Richard, tucking more of An’s hairs behind her hear, he was searching for excuses to keep touching her. Anastasia had a pleasant feeling in her stomach and smiled.

-          I really enjoy your company too. You are so easy going and… I don’t know – Anastasia said as Richard started to get close – It’s like we have this… - Richard brought his face really close to Anastasia’s and talked.

-          … Strong connection – He said before kissing her.

It was the most romantic kiss Anastasia have ever received, so different from Josh’s. So delicate, so respectful. He grabbed her firmly by her waist with his left hand and positioned his right hand on the back of her neck while she hugged him on his torso. Their mouths were doing a dance of their own and after almost a minute she broke the kiss to gasp for air. He looked at her straight to her eyes and smiled, she did the same.

-          I have never received a kiss like that before – She said and he smiled wider – So… so…

-          Meaningful – He said a word that wouldn’t pass through An’s mind but was the perfect word to describe it: meaningful – After everything that happened to me last year – He was still close to her face -  I really thought I wouldn’t fall in love ever again but how wrong I was.

Did he just say that he was in love with her? Anastasia’s mind started to work fast. She definitely had feelings for Richard, but Josh was still in her heart. Josh was with Lauren at that precise moment… and then An got it: she deserved, for once, a man that was just for her (like she told Josh before), and Richard was everything she needed at that moment, the Universe was handing her a pair of arms where she could heal and restore her love life.

-          I’m sorry – Richard broke the hug and gave a few steps back because of the lack of response from her – I think I came too straight – He was ashamed - She grabbed his face with both arms and smiled.

-          I like straightforward people – And kissed him again.

Nothing else happened that night; Richard was too much of a gentleman to let it go further and that actually attracted her more to him. Once in bed, ready for sleep she couldn’t stop thinking about what just happened, Richard fucking Austin kissed her, her teenage crush kissed her. She thought that maybe this is how some Josh’s younger fans fantasize with him, she use to fantasize with Richard and now he just told her that he loved her. That smile stayed tattooed on her face until the day of the Richard’s band show.

By then Josh has texted her at least twice per day but she didn’t feel the need to reply. If he wanted to act like a jealous kid he had to do it on his own, she wasn’t going to play around that attitude. He had Lauren and now Richard was part of Anastasia’s life, she was sure it was time to cut the cord with Josh, especially for her mental stability.

Richard was very happy to have her on the show, Mandy and Mark tagged along. Unfortunately, Steph had to stay in London for work, she was also doing a Major in English Literature and conducting an investigation with the Oxford University, Mark couldn’t choose better.

-          Steph and I decided we want a small wedding in the English countryside – Mark said at the bar inside the Fonda while waiting for The Genius Sex Poets to take the stage – Maybe we’ll rent a house there and spend a whole weekend celebrating. What about you? – He asked Mandy.

-          I’m getting married in Malibu, there’s no doubt about it – The pink-haired girl answered with a smile -  I actually found an amazing venue, a mansion at the shore that is very private, perfect for me to get ready there and have the ceremony and the reception at the same place.

-          I’m gonna give you your honeymoon so think where you want to go – Anastasia said and Mandy opened her eyes big.

-          Are you serious? – She said.

-          I’ll pay for everything – Anastasia was laughing because of Mandy’s reaction.

-          I can’t accept that!

-          Shut up! – Anastasia said – Think where you wanna go and I’ll pay and you can’t say no.

-          God gave me the best best friend someone could ask and I don’t really need to tell you but it’s obvious you will be my maid of honor – Even though Anastasia supposed it, hearing Mandy say it brought her a wind whirl of emotions and her eyes got watery.

-          Oh, stop you two, I’m going to cry too! – Mark said and laughed. Anastasia hugged her friend, nodded and tried to wipe the tears without destroying her makeup - I’m pretty sure Stephanie will ask you to be one of her bridesmaids too.

-          I’m going to cry more! – Anastasia said – Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

-          Maybe that will change – Mark said pointing to the stage where Richard was coming out through the lights.

He was amazing on stage, not only he moved with confidence, his voice was to die for, so strong, so trained and so different from Josh’s. Mandy and Anastasia knew all the songs except for the new ones; they were listening to the classics since they were teenagers. Richard found An in the crowd even though she was far from the stage, and he locked eyes with her a couple of times giving her a couple of smiles.

After the last song, An, Mandy and Mark walked backstage. Richard, now with his clothes changed, gave Anastasia a tight hug and a big kiss on the lips which took her by surprise, that display of affection in front of his band mates, but she responded in the same way, kissing him back. Mandy was shocked but the rest of the people in that room didn’t seem to care a bit.

-          That was an amazing show! – Mark said breaking the spell between Richard and Anastasia.

-          The new songs are incredible – Mandy talked.

-          That’s all because of Mark – Richard said with a smile, a pair of dimples formed in his cheeks every time he smiled – He and his damn amazing ear for music made them.

-          Time to boost the producer’s ego – Mark laughed.

-          Let’s head to the bar for drinks – Richard said putting his arm on Anastasia’s back, she felt such comfort in that action.

Richard was very sociable, and although he talked with a bunch of people that night, he kept coming back to Anastasia’s side to share a drink with her or to make sure she had everything she needed. He was certainly giving her all the attention in the world and that made her feel good.

-          Anastasia, marry that guy right now! – Mandy was a bit tipsy – No! Forget it! I already told you I wasn’t going to give you any more advice on love.

-          I think we are ready to leave – Mark said and Anastasia saw Richard talking with some friends in the distance. He looked back at her.

-          I think I’m going to stay a little bit more – Anastasia said to Mark – I’ll call an Uber. Can you safely take Mandy back to her place? – She asked her brother.

-          Like the old days! – Mark answered – Say bye to Richard from us.

-          I will – Anastasia said and waved goodbye as her friend and Mark leave the place.

At that moment, Richard went back to An’s side.

-          What happened to Mandy and Mark? – He asked.

-          Mandy wasn’t feeling well so Mark took her home.

-          And you decided to stay – He smiled again and the dimples appeared again she felt the pleasant tingling in her stomach again.

-          Yeah… - She didn’t know what to answer.

-          Listen, I had a crazy idea – Richard smiled again – I have my motorcycle parked outside, what do you say if we ride to Palm Springs and spend the entire day there tomorrow? – It sounded like an amazing plan.

-          Yes! Sounds amazing! What time do we leave? – She didn’t get the whole idea.

-          Right now!

-          What?! That’s crazy! Richard, Palm Springs is two hours away! – She said but she wasn’t worried at all. She actually wanted to do it – Well, let’s go now, then! – He smiled and kissed her.

 Now, An was wearing his leather jacket and riding his Indian Chief Dark Horse motorcycle through the 10 Route, leaving Los Angeles behind and entering the dessert, that place Richard loved. This was crazy, it was almost two in the morning, it was dark and that gave a special aura to the road, but she didn’t care about it, she felt safe with him. Anastasia had forgotten the last time she rode a motorcycle, probably when she was thirteen.

She was hugging Richard tight and saw him smiling; he stroked her arms from time to time. They arrived to the Palm Springs’ Marriott Hotel at almost four in the morning.

-          Thank God they had rooms available because I didn’t plan any of this – He said laughing and opening the door to the suite with an amazing view to the pool. Everything was so peaceful at that hour.

-          This is crazy. We both had drinks at The Fonda – Anastasia said entering.

-          I only had one drink – He put his arms around her - I told you, coming to the dessert is like escaping, leaving the craziness behind…

They looked at each other; she knew what was going to happen. All the thrill of that night was reaching its peak. She loved that Richard acted that way, so impulsive, so unpredictable; she saw it when he appeared at Glastonbury Festival just to see her and now she was standing in front of her teenage crush naked, ready to give herself to him, not worrying about what happened to both in the past. The connection she had with Richard made her feel like she knew him during her whole life, in a way it was, but this was deep and special and the best of all she was happy.

She woke up feeling Richard’s lips on her neck. He was such a gentleman and treated her like she was a china doll, delicate. Although Richard was younger than Josh, the way he acted and talked and made love to her was so much mature. She was over the moon.

-          I want to spend the day at the pool – Richard said smiling.

-          Do you realize we didn’t pack anything? – She rolled over only to faint at his dimples.

-          We can fix that, one call to front desk and they can bring us bathing suits and everything we need – Yeah, Richard’s band was in a much higher position, he was definitely more famous than her so in the hotel they knew who he was.

He did his thing and the hotel gave then swimming suits from one of the boutiques inside, she had the most relaxing day at the pool and the spa. That night they made their way back to Los Angeles. She was hugging Richard on his motorcycle feeling like a whole new Anastasia. This was solid; she could feel it and the most important thing of all: this time she was calm about the future.

Read chapter 41

[didiletyouknooow]

30. Hard To Concentrate

Hey,

finally a new chapter! I hit the 30!!!  Thank you for reading! I’m always happy to see that people like my story and give me feedback. This chapter is a very long one but I didn’t want to split it.  So I hope you have fun reading it ;) __________

After a night full of tears and incomprehension I woke up the next day completely damaged. With headache from hell, red tear-stained eyes and dark circles under my eyes I took a shower and hoped to feel better afterwards. But it was just a thought. The pain doesn’t go away just because you think you shower it all off. Instead it stays deep in your heart, in your mind, in your whole body.

I still couldn’t understand why Josh ended our relationship. I just couldn’t get it. Sure, we had some issues and we were fighting sometimes but I thought we could make it. We could talk about it and find a solution. I really thought our relationship was stronger than every other relationship I had before. We didn’t know each other for a very long time but I always thought our feelings were real. When I looked him in the eyes I always had the feeling that he feels the same way that I do. Maybe I was wrong.

He didn’t really justify his decision why he broke up with me. The only thing that he said was that he couldn’t do it anymore. And I was thinking: what couldn’t he do anymore? Our different lives? He, the musician who was always on the road and me, the teacher in Pasadena. Was it my jealousy? I thought I handled it in the last two months. Or didn’t he feel the same for me anymore? He didn’t tell me. He just went away and it was so shocking for me.

 I knew that he would leave for the next tour leg in Europe tomorrow. While Anthony had to travel to the UK yesterday to do an interview in a TV show, the others had to leave for Europe two days later.

So I decided to drive to Josh so that I could at least take my stuff with me. I thought if I would take it now I wouldn’t need to go and meet him when he would be back home in three weeks. So I could start to get over it now – and not in three weeks after seeing him again.

Driving isn’t easy when you always have the feeling that you have to cry. I tried so hard not to cry but I had to stop at the roadside for a moment to calm down and to wipe my tears away. After two more stops I finally arrived in El Sereno. Josh’s car was parking in the driveway and the door was open so I thought he would be there. But there was also another car parking in the driveway.  

I parked my car behind Josh’s car, like always. It looked like the cars belonged to each other. I know it sounds silly but every time I saw our cars parking next to each other in his driveway I had the feeling that everything’s fine. It was bullshit, I knew. But it was my illusion I guess. So I left the car and went inside his house. I was wondering why the door was open. 

“Josh?” I called in the corridor but no one answered. “Are you there? I just want to take my stuff with me. Then I’ll leave” I let him know. But again, no one answered. I went a few steps into the house and looked into the kitchen and the living room. No one was there. His bathroom was closed. I looked in my hands that were still holding his keys. Suddenly I heard some noises. “Josh?” I repeated. Someone was coming downstairs. “Josh is not here” a familiar voice told me. It was Eric. “Oh, where is he?” “He left for their next tour leg in Europe.” “When?” “Two hours ago. I don’t know why he wanted to leave today on his own when they would travel tomorrow by private jet” “Oh” “Wait….you didn’t know that?” “No” “But I thought he….didn’t he tell you?” “No…” I paused because I noticed some tears in my eyes while saying the next words. Eric was looking at me with a wondering face. “We broke up yesterday. Well, actually he broke up” I said while my voice almost broke.

“You’re kidding?” Eric seemed to be very shocked about my words. I shook my head. “No, it’s the truth.” “But why? I thought you were happy together?” “Well….I thought the same. But then we were at Flea’s barbecue party and there was Mia and everything went a bit out of control and afterwards we had a discussion and then yesterday he showed up and I thought we could talk but he just told me that it’s over” when I told Eric about what happened yesterday I had to cry again. It just made me so sad. “Sorry, it’s just….it still hurts” I shivered. “I totally understand you” he said and hugged me. It was completely weird standing in Josh’s house crying, my head on Eric’s shoulder. But I couldn’t hide my tears. “Just let it out” Eric said. I was so thankful that he was there. I didn’t know how I would’ve reacted if I would’ve arrived here completely on my own.

“He didn’t say why he broke up with you?” Eric asked me after a few minutes. “No….not really. The only thing he said was that he couldn’t do it anymore” “Josh….” Eric shook his head. “It’s always the same” “What do you mean?” “He often spoils the luck he could have” “I don’t know if he does it. The only thing I know is that it hurts” “I know and I’m so sorry” Eric said and hugged me again. It was strange. I didn’t know him very well but right now I needed someone who listened to me. “Anyway….the reason I came here is because I wanted to take my stuff with me now so I don’t have to come here when he’s back from touring in three weeks.” “Well….then I guess this is your stuff?” Eric pointed at a box at the floor. It was packed very tidy. “Probably” I said and looked at it. Seems like Josh put all my stuff in this box right before leaving for touring. So he obviously had put our relationship behind him. I knelt down to the box. It was packed very orderly. He even folded my shirts and even a bra. There were also some books in it he borrowed from me. I bet he didn’t finish them yet. It was so painful to see that everything we shared in the last months fitted in one small box. It wasn’t even a moving box. It was smaller. I didn’t even have anything of him in my apartment except of one sweater that I kept because he told me a few weeks ago I can keep it.

“Seems like this is everything I had here in his house. Everything folded and packed cleanly and orderly in this box. It’s so sad” I commented and took the box with me. Eric followed me to our cars, so obviously it was his car that was also parking in the driveway. “By the way what did you do here?” I wanted to change the topic because otherwise I would end up in tears again. “I borrowed some parts of Josh’s drum kit and I wanted to bring them back today” Eric told me. “I also have a key for his house” he let me know. “Oh okay” “Eileen” he said when I opened my driver’s door. “Do you want to have dinner with Molly and me tonight? She’s now at work but if you’d like you can come with me so you’re not alone at home” I thought about it a few seconds. “Why not” I then said and rode behind Eric until we arrived at his house.  

Eric’s and Molly’s house was very beautiful. It wasn’t too big but it had enough space for instruments, art and everyone had an own room. “You seem to like art” I commented the paintings on the wall. “Yes, Molly’s sister painted them” Eric told me. “Oh really?” “She’s an artist and she’s teaching at NYU” “Very cool!” “Do you want to have a drink?” he asked me. I nodded and a few minutes later he handed me a non alcoholic mojito. “Wow, that’s good!” I said after drinking it. “Where did you learn to mix it?” “I worked as bartender for a very long time” he laughed. “Tastes great!”

“So what happened the other day at Flea’s party?” Eric asked me. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s totally okay” “No….actually I’d like to talk with someone about it because I haven’t talked to anyone since our break up. Not even my brother” “I know the feeling” “But I don’t know if I should tell you all these things….I mean you and Josh are good friends and I don’t want to destroy anything” “Eileen” Eric laughed. “We’re grown up people. He won’t be upset because I talked to you” “Okay….you’re right” I sighed. “Well Mia got very insulting and she said cruel words to me so afterwards I couldn’t understand why Josh can still be friends with someone like her” “Hm yes….she’s very complicated. Where she is, there is trouble” “That’s what I told him! Exactly these words! But he said that she’s alone because her fiance broke up with her and it’s a difficult time blablabla….” “I don’t know what the matter with Mia is…but…Josh is always so intimidated when she’s around. He can’t say anything against her. Not even two years after their break up” “Yes….I don’t know why he acts like this. I thought he loved me and I really thought our relationship lasts longer. But I guess I was wrong” “I bet he still loves you. Josh can’t forget something like that from one day to the next” Eric told me. “But it seems like he can quit something cold turkey” “Hmmm….I don’t even think so. It’s just his fear” “Which fear?” “I guess – and that’s just my opinion he never told me about it – but I guess he’s afraid of being in a relationship. Afraid of this emotional closeness. Afraid of the every day routine a relationships develops. Afraid of being too much in love, feeling too much so that you’re feeling too lost when it’s over. Breaking up with Mia completely destroyed him. He wasn’t the same for a few months. I wasn’t on tour with him the whole time but the one week I accompanied him and the Chilis as a friend he was completely out of control. He drank a lot, got pissed off very easily. I could barely speak to him and I’m his best friend.” “I’m sorry to hear that. I mean, I’ve heard Molly talking about Josh’s behavior at that time but he never told me exactly how he felt” “It was hard for him. I guess it would be hard for every one of us” “Well I experienced something similar” “So you can understand his pain” “Absolutely!” “And I guess you know that Josh is a complicated character.” Eric said. “He often does things on his own, always being hell-bent on getting his own way. It’s not easy when you’re in a band but I guess it’s not easy when you’re in a relationship as well”

“It isn’t but I could handle it” I told him. “He is very complicated but at the same time he’s the cutest, greatest, nicest, most humble guy on earth.” “He is!” “Do you think he will come back to his bad behavior now that we broke up?” “Na, I don’t think so. I mean, he obviously had a reason to break up, I know it sounds hard. But he obviously thought about it for some time – at least a few days. So he was prepared for the pain I guess. It’s a completely different situation like back in the days with Mia” “I know….and I’m still questioning what I did wrong” “I bet you did nothing wrong. It’s just Josh’s weird thoughts, emotions. It’s his character. He didn’t want to be too close” “But why? We were happy!” “Maybe he felt that it could go wrong in the future so he wanted to end it before it gets too deep. You know, when you’re moving in together it’s more difficult to call it quits. Someone has to move out, it’s so painful. The lives of both persons change” “But now it isn’t any different. He broke up with me. I’m completely damaged and hurt. He’s away on tour. We didn’t live together but most of the time we stayed in his house. I barely slept in my bed in the last weeks. Only when he was on tour.” I told Eric. “You know what, honestly it’s very ironic that in the end of our nine month relationship everything I have to take back home from his house are a few shirts, a bra, some books and my second charger for my phone. He even gave it back. We have the same phone so he could’ve keep it. But no he didn’t. Instead he put it in my box. I didn’t even bring my own toothbrush with me. He always had a new one for me there. When I slept there I always brought a small bag with me with everything I needed. But every time I went back home I took it with me again. When we were staying in my apartment he only brought a backpack with some clothes. We never started to leave our stuff in each others homes” “Hm….but I think this is typical for Josh. He wouldn’t leave much of his stuff in other people’s home” “But I’m his girlfriend….well at least I was” “I know….as I already told you. Josh is a complicated character who often feels misunderstood and insecure. It’s just his character” “It is….my mind says that maybe he can’t take it anymore but my heart feels broken” “You’re hurt very much and I’m so sorry that it’s one of my best friends who did this to you but I hope that you’ll feel better soon and maybe you two can figure it out when Josh is back from tour” “I hope so too but right now I don’t see us figuring out anything” “Don’t be so negative” Eric smiled at me and handed me some chocolate. “You’re a good guy. You know what women want” I cracked a smile. “Well, most of the time it’s chocolate or wine and sometimes women want men” “But only the good ones!” “Only!”

When Molly came home she was surprised seeing me sitting in her living room. Eric told her the reason why I was there. As you might guess, Molly was shocked as well when she heard about Josh’s and my break up. Now I guess Josh not only shocked me with ending our relationship, he even shocked all of his friends with his decision. It’s like no one thought we would break up.

 Back home I binge watched some episodes of “Sex And The City”. Big broke up with Carrie – again. I feel you sister! Tequila became my new best friend at night. I think without it I couldn’t sleep. Watching something on TV until finally falling asleep was only a way to avoid being alone with my thoughts. But although I tried to distract me from our break up I wondered what Josh was doing now. Did he arrive safety in Europe? Did he really travel on his own? Where did he stay? I bet he stayed in the UK because he had some friends there. But truth is, I didn’t know anything about him right now. Usually he texted me or called me when he arrived at his designation. But this time he didn’t. It’s not that I expected him to contact me. It only felt very strange not to hear from him.

I looked up his Facebook profile but he didn’t post anything in the last weeks so it wasn’t helpful. But the Facebook messenger showed me that he was online two hours ago so he must’ve arrived safety in Europe – wherever he was. While I was scrolling through my Facebook feed I saw some pictures of a friend from school. She married last year and now she was pregnant. Well, it’s strange how lives can develop in such a different direction I thought. What if I would have a baby now?

It wasn’t easy going back to work for the last weeks before our official summer vacation. I think I only got into survival mood. The students even asked me if everything is okay when they noticed some tears in my eyes while looking out of the window. Yes, kids. Everything’s fine. A-Ok. When I came back home from work I was always doing the same: checking my mails and social media because there was still one little dawn of hope that Josh could’ve messaged me. But he didn’t. Of course. Why should he message me? Because I was too lazy to cook I ordered some food and ate very unhealthy in the last days. Pizza, Thai food, Chinese, burger. I think I almost tried every fast food restaurant in my hood.

Finally I got to talk to Marc. He was shocked as well when he heard about Josh and my break up. But he listened to me the whole night and didn’t hang up when I started crying. He tried to calm me down and to cheer me up. I knew that he felt sorry for me and I knew that it was one of the hardest times for him seeing his little sister feeling sad because of a guy. I guess this time it was very hard for him because he didn’t only get along very well with Josh, he even liked the Chili Peppers very much. It was THE band of his teenage years. I felt so bad that I kind of destroyed his love for their music with dating Josh. But he told me that I shouldn’t feel bad because what happened to me was life and it was private. He can differentiate it so he will start listen to them when he’s ready again.

I noticed that he was very mad at Josh. He didn’t understand why he broke up with me and neither did I, neither did Eric or Molly. It was like a huge mystery. Josh was the mystery guy. Even his friends didn’t really know him.

I noticed that I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts and my emotions and all these pictures in my head. So I started binge watching like every show that was on Netflix. I finally started watching “Californication”. Josh once told me that the Chilis didn’t like the show and they argued that the title was stolen from them. Well, I didn’t know if it was true or not I only knew that I started to love the show! Hank Moody is one of the biggest assholes in TV history but he’s such a nice, charming and funny asshole. At least I didn’t have to explain Josh why I loved this show since I guess that I never will see him again – at least not now. But the fact that I fled from my thoughts and emotions didn’t mean that I didn’t cry. I did. I did it a lot.

Every night I was lying in my bed – the same bed I shared with Josh in the last months – and stared to the ceiling. It was completely dark in my bedroom. I usually liked darkness but this time I hated it. I felt so alone. So lonely. I didn’t feel like that for a very long time. I cried so much, I didn’t know that one can cry so much. Like a whole lake full of tears in my bed. It needed a lot of make-up and concealer to cover this damage from my face when I woke up the next morning. Every morning. On my last day at work before the vacation my students gave me a little present. It was a calendar for the next school year. I was so overwhelmed by emotions that I started crying. They even asked me if I was pregnant – well I was a way tooooo far away from being a mother I guess. But it was very kind of them giving me a present.

  After getting home in my silent apartment I realized that I missed Josh. There was no one waiting for me, no one to share my vacation with. I missed every fiber of his body. I missed his smile. I missed his nose. I missed his eyes. I missed his moles. I even missed his bad behaviors. I missed us. As a couple. As lovers. But I also missed us as friends because beside us being a couple Josh became a very good friend. We could talk for hours about music, about philosophy, about books, even about hot dogs. Talking with him was always funny. I loved watching him talking about music and instruments. He kind of flourished when he could talk about music. I guess that was also the only thing in life that saved him. It was his basic. For him it wasn’t easy leaving school so early and then starting to be a musician. I mean, how can you know that it will come true? That you can make it? That you can fulfill your dreams you had when you were a little 15 year old teenage boy? I was so proud of him and what he archived in life. Sometimes I had the feeling he didn’t see it.

Thinking about him and us brought me back to tears. It wasn’t the same now as when Steve and I broke up. I was completely heartbroken when Steve and I called it quits. But I guess now I knew why I felt so heartbroken and alone: I lost my daily routine. Steve and I stopped being lovers in the last months before our break-up. Instead we were good friends – with him sleeping with another woman. I guess I missed the idea of us. The illusion of what we could’ve been in the future.

But with Josh it was different. It was the first time I really missed a person. I missed him as the guy who was next to me when I woke up, who listened to me when I felt sad, who was always there for me, treated me good and supported me in every step I took. He was there even when he wasn’t there. I guess now I sadly hat to admit that I never loved someone so much.

 One week after our break-up I decided that I want to pay him back. It was a very lovely gift he gave me when buying the red car I fell in love with. But I couldn’t take it. And I didn’t want to. So I went to the bank and took all of the money I had on my savings account. But it wasn’t enough. I needed more. So I calculated my future expenses and incomes and decided to ask Marc if he can spot me some money. He did. So I finally drove back to El Sereno on this rainy Wednesday to Josh’s house. I still had his keys. I opened the door and went inside – I guess it would be for the last time.

I laid the envelope with the money and my keys on his nightstand next to his bed where he would definitely find it. I wrote a short notice for him.

 Hey Josh,

I know you don’t want the money and you never liked the fact that I wanted to pay you back for the car. It was a gift and I really appreciate it. But I can’t take it. So here’s the money for the car – please take it, don’t bring it back. I don’t want it. It’s for you.

Because when I wouldn’t pay you back it would still be a gift by you and I guess I couldn’t live with the fact that every time I drive my car it reminds me of you. Now it’s my own car. I bought it. 

I still don’t know why you ended our relationship. I guess you had your reasons and I respect them – but this doesn’t mean that I’m not sad because of our break up. I’m still convinced that we could’ve made it. I really believed in us. But it seems that you didn’t.

Whatever, I hope you have fun on tour, fun with the band. You do a really great job there and I’m still very proud of you and of what you’ve archived so far. I guess you’ll have such a great time with the band in the future. I hope you always remind yourself that you’re such a musical genius. It’s just the truth. You make so many people happy with what you do -  with the Chili Peppers, but also with Dot Hacker. I hope you guys never stop making music!

I don’t know why I write these following sentences but in the last days I listened a lot to Elton John and there was one song that reminded me of you: Rocket Man.

I don’t know why, it just reminded me of you. I know you love Elton John and you said you’d like to work with him some time. Maybe it will happen. You’ll never know!

With this words I say goodbye, please don’t contact me – well I guess you won’t do it anyway.

Love, Eileen

 I re-read the letter before I put it back to his nightstand. I knew that he would read it but I knew that he wouldn’t answer it. But I wanted him to know how I felt. When I wanted to leave the bedroom I saw a paper on the floor next to his nightstand.  It was a song text called “Rest Assure” and it was written two days ago according to the date written on the paper. 

“Rest assure there will be more Onslaughts Off days More to endure Outside ain't getting easier Live a long time To look back on before”

I reversed the paper because the lyrics continued on the back. 

“Finally I found you It's not getting any easier I'll cry over it not getting any easier Finally you're here And it's not getting any easier The final straw came when I found that It's not getting any easier”

  Wow. I didn’t know what he meant with these lyrics but I guess it was about our relationship. Seems like he wasn’t happy at all. He wanted something different or something more. Who knows. But I couldn’t hide my tears in the eyes when I read it. Glad that Josh couldn’t see me. I directly left his house and went back to my car where I started to cry. Now it was definitely over. All over.

  July  

4 weeks.

It’s been 4 fucking weeks since Josh called it quits. It was his decision and I had to respect it. I did although I was still very sad. Every day I had to think about him and us. My daily routine during my weeks off from work went from drinking tequila and watching something on Netflix to running and cooking. The last two weeks I spend with cooking much pasta. Pasta with tomatoes, with spinach, with fennel, spaghetti carbonara, Mac’n Cheese, pasta with salmon, tortellini with four sorts of cheese. Afterwards I decided to start doing sports again. During our relationship I lost the focus on sports a bit but I guess now it was the right time to finally start exercise.

Marc and Maggie asked me to join them on their vacation to Oceanside so I came with them. What would I have done instead? I didn’t found an answer.

It was very nice. I never was in Oceanside before but Marc always wanted to go there and they found a little house near the beach. I guess for me it was the best decision of the last weeks to take some time off and leave L.A. for a few weeks. Finally I could sleep again. I didn’t fall asleep every night crying. My heart was still broken but I guess it started to fix itself slowly. We spent most of the time at the beach and with each day passing by my body got a tan more and more. I didn’t know when was the last time I spent some time at the beach? Although I lived in L.A. it was years ago that I went to the beach for such a long time. I mean like spending the whole day at a beach, swimming in the ocean. It was also Noel’s first time at the beach and Maggie and Marc tried her best to protect him from the sun. They bought a big sunshade and he was wearing a big hat that covered his head and his face completely.

When Marc and I went into the ocean for the first time for a short moment it felt like we were kids again. Flashback to the time we went to Santa Barbara with our parents and we directly run into the ocean.

I enjoyed water and the waves and afterwards enjoyed the sun on my skin drying my bikini. I never went to the ocean with Josh. It reminded me that I never saw him in swim shorts. Sure I knew how he looked with boxer shorts and all this but….I didn’t know what he would wear at the beach. Would he wear tight shorts or not? I didn’t know. But thinking about it made me laugh. I didn’t know why but it was funny because it showed me again that I didn’t know everything about him. This was another part of him hiding from me because when I once asked him to spend one day at the beach he didn’t want to – but he never said why.

In the evening we often made barbecue. Maggie and I tried so many different salads that we couldn’t count them anymore. Marc satisfied himself with making steaks, sausage, pork and whatever he wanted to do. It wasn’t very healthy but it tasted SO good!

Spending the time with my brother and his family in Oceanside wasn’t only quite fun, it also prevented me from thinking about Josh ALL THE TIME. I stopped questioning what he was doing – instead I played with Noel the whole day so that my brother and his girlfriend could have a day as a couple. I didn’t stalk him on Facebook – instead I took some yoga classes at the beach. I stopped asking myself what I did wrong – instead I played my brother’s guitar.

It was like the ocean, the beach and the change of scene brought me back to myself. The last weeks were full of thinking, asking, crying, screaming, cursing and eating chocolate the whole day just to stop the pain. But now I started doing something for myself. I did something for me and not for forgetting someone who was still in my mind and my heart. I still didn’t know how I should forget Josh and I still didn’t know if I really should forget him completely – maybe Eric was right and someday we would figure it out? But now I felt that there wouldn’t be a future of Josh and me. 

Molly and I were having a girls night while my brother was taking care of little Noel. We decided to have some drinks at an ocean bar. It was quite nice. We were sitting on a beige couch and had a view at the beach. “It’s so good that I could’ve come with you here to Oceanside. I guess in my apartment in L.A. I would’ve gone completely crazy” “I guess so. It’s always good to take a time out from your every day life after a break up.” Molly agreed with me and took  a sip from her Caipirinha. “But I’m still so shocked that you and Josh broke up” “Well, it wasn’t my decision. But yeah, I’m shocked either. It’s something I still can’t believe although I live with it now for five weeks” “You two looked so happy. He seemed to be such a nice guy. A good guy! I mean, you know, there are so many assholes and idiots out there.” “Yeah, I’ve met some of them” “Me too! And before giving birth to Noel I always thought that there won’t be any guy who I could fell for, who I could trust completely. I was always disappointed by guys. I mean, even Marc and I started as an affair and I guess when someone had told me at that time that some years later we would be a happy family I would’ve laughed at them!” Molly laughed. Her laughter was so infectious. She had some beach waves in her blonde hair because of the ocean and the weather and her blue eyes sparkled at me. She looked so happy. A few weeks back I felt the same. “You know what? Maybe we all have to meet many wrong guys until we finally meet the right guy. Some people meet him right away while others have to be patient with it.” She said. “Well, I thought I’ve met the right guy two times. Can you promise that the third time I will feel this way will finally be the last time because the guy stays?” “It’s not about the guy that is staying because he’s the right guy. It’s about you feeling completely happy with the guy” “I guess I did feel happy” “But you said you fought a lot so there were some issues” “Sure….but who doesn’t have issues in a relationship?” “Marc and I don’t have issue about jealousy…” “Hmm…so do you think I destroyed it?” “No I don’t think so. But I think if you really trust someone then jealousy isn’t an issue. You know what I mean?” “Yes, kind of” “Maybe you couldn’t trust him, whatever. Maybe you still don’t know why you couldn’t trust him. Sometimes we don’t find the answers to every emotion we feel or every step we take” “Maybe….” “Do you miss him?” “Like…every day?” I looked at her. There she brought me back to my feelings of the last weeks. “Do you think he misses you?” “I hope so.” “I guess he does. I don’t know him very well but the way he looked at you, the way he treated you, how he kissed you….I only saw it a few times but I guess I’m good in reading body language and I think that Josh really loves you. I bet he still does” “But then why did he break up?” “I don’t know” Maggie sighed. “Maybe he was insecure.” “I found a song text when I went back to his house to bring him back my keys. It fell to the floor so I picked it up and it sounded so sad. Like he was completely unhappy with our relationship” “Maybe you blustered into it?” Maggie asked me. “I mean, in the end every song text is just art and I guess every writer often exaggerates and decorates his lyrics.” “Hm, maybe you’re right”

“Did you ever make a list of the things that bothered you of Josh?” I shook my head. “No, never. Why should I do it?” “Because then you often get an answer of how destroyed the relationship was or how unhappy you felt about certain things” “Hmmm…so what things do you mean?” “Every little tiny thing that bothered you of him” I thought about it for some minutes while Maggie was ordering another cocktail. 

“Well, let’s start with him having no sense of timing! Sometimes when we were having a date or when I was cooking for us because he would come over in a few minutes he was too late. And I mean not being five or ten minutes late. Often it was one hour or even more. Then he apologized and explained me that he had to finish the song, the demo or whatever. He did it very often. I never told him that it bothered me” “Okay….so what’s next?” “Hmmmm….he was a total slob! He didn’t tidy up the table after having dinner. His dishes were piled up in his kitchen for a whole week until he finally put them into the dishwasher. I mean, what’s so complicated in putting them into the dishwasher directly after having dinner?” “I don’t know. Typical for men” “Oh and….I don’t know if it counts” “Why?” “You know what, every time after we made love he had to open the window. I don’t know why? Sometimes it was too cold in the night so I had to get up closing it when he already was in his dreams. He also sometimes punched his arm into my face when he was sleeping. I know he couldn’t control it but it bothered me because I often woke up because of it. I never told him. But I guess the window thing is a quirk” Maggie had to laugh when I told her this story. “Seems like Josh doesn’t like the smell of sex in a room” she giggled. “I don’t know. I never understood it but I have to admit that I never asked him why he did it.” “Like I said….men!” We clinked glasses again.

“While we were speaking of men. I guess now is the right time to tell you something” Maggie started giggling. I was wondering what she wanted to tell me. “I once dated Anthony” “Anthony? Which Anthon….oh” “Yes!” she said and covered her face in her hands. “You mean the real Anthony….Anthony Kiedis????” “Yes” “MAGGIE!!!!” “Exactly…..I know. It’s very shameful isn’t it?” “No…it isn’t. He’s a very good looking guy for his age. He’s not my type of men but I guess there are still many women and girls out there who wouldn’t punch him out of bed” I laughed. “Well….yeah” “But when was it? How long? How was it????” “Hm, it was around 2009 I guess. It was just a few months. I met him in a club in L.A” “And how did you get to know him?” “He flirted with me, ordered me some drinks. It was kind of cliche I guess” “So he hooked up with you?” “Yes….typical cliche. We went to his house and….I don’t know it was very strange and I was kind of drunk. But he was very nice, very gentleman like, you know?” “I can imagine it.” “I thought it was just a one night stand but then he wanted to have my number and he even called! I didn’t do anything to contact him. He was the one calling me. So we had some dates and quiet some fun for a few months” “Sounds funny to me….because I only know him as the singer and the rock star he is and I always wondered who the women in his life are” “Well hello, here is one of them” Maggie joked. “And who ended it?” “I ended it because I didn’t want to do it anymore. I didn’t want to feel like a toy he can call anytime he wants. I had an own life and that wasn’t in this Hollywood scene. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want any fame or so. There were some paparazzis who photographed us when we were walking through Malibu one day. It was so shocking for me that I realized that it isn’t the world I want to live in. So I ended it and a few months later I went to Australia.” “Good decision!” I grinned. “I mean, Anthony was always very politely and nice to me but if you wouldn’t have ended your affair you wouldn’t have met my brother and Noel wouldn’t be here today” “Yeah….so it was quite a good decision. Maybe the best decision I’ve ever made!” Maggie looked very absently in her cocktail and grinned. “You didn’t meet Josh, didn’t you?” “No….I guess he joined the band a few months later”

“But….sorry that I ask you this question, but I have to ask you….was he….” “Yes” Maggie grinned. “It was quite good, you know”  she giggled. “Crazy story” “But I prefer a trustful relationship” “Totally understandable” “But there is one thing that is completely crazy….do you know the song The adventures of rain dance Maggie?” “Uhm I guess yes” “He said he wrote it for me” “Noooooo fucking way” I had to laugh out loud and almost spluttered my cocktail over the couch. “He said so. I don’t know if it’s right but he said it’s inspired by me” “Wow Maggie, you’re famous!” I giggled. “Soooo crazy” “Did you ever tell Marc about it?” “NO! And I never will be” “Why?” “Because he likes the band and….I saw how bad he feels with Josh breaking up with you and…no I can’t tell him. He would freak out completely” “Hmmm, maybe” “I mean he didn’t tell me about his exes either so why should I tell him?” “You’re right.” “It’s my past. It’s his past. I don’t care” “But now I know about it. How can I ever talk with him about the Chilis without laughing or telling him?” “Please Eileen! You have to promise not to tell him!” “Yes….I promise”

So with this secret in mind we went back to our house where Marc and Noel were already fallen asleep on the couch. They looked so cute together. We covered them with a blanket and went to bed ourselves.

 August

Two months since we broke up.

I didn’t hear anything from Josh since he ended our relationship. I was still feeling sad and hurt. I was completely down when he told me that it’s over but I got up and moved on. When I think back to the time when Steve and I called it quits I remember feeling completely lost for months. But now I was able to move on and look forward sooner. I learned from my prior break up and I guess I was able to start new again just after two months. I decided that it would be the best decision I could make in these strange times. This summer could’ve been the best summer of my life – together with Josh. But in the end it didn’t. I still didn’t know why but I was growing paucity of thinking about it. Instead I moved on to live my life.

I visited my parents very often and helped my father with gardening. He loved his garden and so did I. It was the first time in years that I truly had time for helping him – and it was pretty much fun! When I told my parents about the break up they couldn’t believe it either. My dad was very sad hearing that Josh ended it. I guess he didn’t see it coming and didn’t want to believe that Josh was the one quitting it. In the last years I was always the one who ended a relationship and although my heart was broken when I left Steve my parents knew that it was the best decision I could’ve made. But this time they saw me heartbroken because a guy I really loved ended everything so abruptly. My mother reacted differently than my father. She didn’t say it but I could read her mind that she almost wanted to tell me “Well, I knew it. I knew he will hurt you”.  The worst part of the break up was to tell my granny about it. She LOVED Josh and when we were in Vegas she told me that she has the feeling that it will last very long – she didn’t want to say forever because forever is a very long time but I guess she could imagine us having a future together. I don’t need to say that she was also very shocked when I told her about it. She looked me sad in the eyes and gave me a very good advice.

“You know what Leeny, guys don’t stay forever. Look at your grandpa, he died without asking me. I know it’s kind of morbid to say it but it was like that. He didn’t tell me. He just left me alone in this world. But I learned how to live with myself, how to make me happy and how to be good to my soul. You’ll never know what happens in the future. Maybe it wasn’t the right time for you and Josh. Maybe you’ll meet again some day. You’ll never know. But please, don’t stop believing in true love because it does exist!”  

I almost started crying when she said these wisdom words to me. She knew it because she lived her life already. So I tried to believe her. I tried to still believe in love.

One funny thing about the break up was that my mother and I started to have some mother-daughter-days. We went shopping or walked through a park. One day we even went to the beach. It was a great time and I was very thankful to have my parents by my side. I knew that it wasn’t naturally. One day we went to the cinema and watched “Blue Valentine” with Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. It was a film about a damaged marriage but they tried to fight for it. It didn’t work. “Such a beautiful and realistic film” I said summarizing the plot. “It is! Very good actors….I wasn’t sure if you wanted to watch such a film. I mean, it must be hard to watch something like that” “Mom! I love this movie. Not so much like I love “500 Days of Summer” but I love every movie with Ryan Gosling! Plus, it’s also very realistic, don’t you think?” “You mean because they fail to fight for their relationship in the end?” “Exactly! I mean, if there is one thing in the last years I’ve learned then it is that nowadays a relationship doesn’t last long even if it’s serious.” “Honey, please stop saying it” she said and stopped walking. She looked me in the eyes and I guess she saw my sadness but I was okay. Totally okay. “Even Ryan Gosling can’t fix it!” I told her sarcastic. “Eileen” my mother said after some minutes of silence between us. “I didn’t tell you yet because I couldn’t but….I’m feeling so sorry for you” “It’s okay mom, I already moved on. I rarely stalk his Facebook account” “But you miss him. You loved him and maybe you still do. I know it because you’re my daughter and although you barely talked about your relationship issues and your heartache in the past I know that you’re hurt and I just want to let you know that your dad and I, we’re always there for you” “I know….thanks” I smiled at her and she squeezed me. I felt home when she put her arms around me. It felt like I was 16 again. We were standing there for quite some time and I enjoyed it because it’s the truth. When you’re really feeling sick and tired and heartbroken sometimes the only thing that can help is a hug from your mother. She knows you although you don’t think that she does. She gave birth to you. She will always be worried about you. 

“Did he ever tried to call you?” she asked me. “No….he didn’t. But I gave him a letter….well actually I put it on his nightstand. I’m sure he read it but I said he shouldn’t answer it. I want to get over it as soon as I can” “You’re thinking very rational” she noticed. “Do you think so? I think it’s just life. He ended it so I want to get over it, get over him and forget him. There are still so many memories in my mind of him, of us. I don’t want to delete them completely but I guess I want to try to distract me from the time we had because otherwise it would hurt too much” “You really loved him, don’t you?” “Yes” I mumbled. “Eileen, honey” my mother started saying. “I know I didn’t get along with Josh very well. And I know that I didn’t try my best to get to know him. I guess I have to apologize. I see how much you loved him and how bad he hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t welcome him in our family. I thought he’s just a phase” ”A phase?” ”Yes....just a few months and then it will end soon” ”Well you were kind of right” ”No...I’m so sorry. I really didn’t see that you were so in love with him” “It’s okay mom…I you didn’t have to. I mean, now he’s gone” “Eileen! Stop being so sarcastic. It hurts seeing you saying these words. Please, tell me about it….if you want to” “Well….he just said it is over. There is nothing to say about” My mother sighed. Seems like she couldn’t understand why I reacted so rational. “Mom?” “Yes” “There is one thing I want to know” “Sure” “Why did you think it couldn’t work with him?” “I didn’t say that!” “Well….but you were thinking it” “Yes…it’s true” she confessed. “Well….you know, I saw him as the musician. Not the man you’re dating. Sure he has a private life. But don’t you think your lives are very differently? I was wondering how you can deal with him being away so often. I couldn’t do it I guess. And with all these knowledge I have from reading gossip magazines….I know it sounds silly but….I thought he would hurt you in the end because he didn’t take it serious with you. What if he meets a pretty model on tour? Or maybe another musician? Rock stars always fall for such girls….” “Mom! But Josh isn’t this typical rock star!” I said laughingly. “I know he had his fun and some encounters with girls on tour but I guess he would’ve left me for a woman he met on tour” “Honey….you’ll never know”

She was right. I’ll never know. But I trusted him and I guess he wouldn’t be like other musicians….or maybe he would? 

“You didn’t see it coming?” my mother changed the topic. “No…absolutely not.” I said sighing. “I know we had some trouble but….I never thought he would end it without having a real discussion about it. He didn’t even try to figure it out” “And you said you fought because of his ex?” “Yes….kind of….she was very cruel to me” “Hm….seems like he’s not over his ex” “But….he told me he loves me” “Maybe it scared him. Men can be scared very easily. Maybe he wasn’t ready to settle down” “But he’s six years older than me” “Doesn’t depend on the age….maybe he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship” “I don’t know….all I know is that it hurt so much.” I let her know. “But in the end I got to know myself better than before. That’s good. Because I guess the relationship I have with myself is more important than any other relationship with a man” “That’s my girl” my mother said almost crying. She put her arm around my shoulder and we went to my car. It felt good to finally talk with my mother about it. I guess I really moved on in the last weeks.

Two months and two weeks.

It felt like an eternity. I didn’t even know when I saw Josh for the last time. It just wasn’t on my mind anymore. Instead I concentrated of preparing my lessons for the new school year. I would teach in three different classes with different ages and I was so curious about it! I was really happy that work would continue in two weeks.

I spent the last days with cleaning my apartment, changing some of my furniture and reading. I read a lot in the last weeks. I stopped reading books Josh recommended me. Instead I started reading books I REALLY loved to read. Yes, again I became such a girlfriend who started reading books her boyfriend liked. Just to talk with him about it. I hated being like that when I ended my relationship with Steve. And I came back to this behavior again. But I stopped it timely! 

I was sitting on my bed eating some pizza while scrolling through Facebook. Yes I loved eating in bed and I think I almost lived in my bed. Everything that happened in my apartment happened in my bed. Except of sex. Hahaha. What a funny joke Eileen! There wasn’t any sex in the last weeks and to be honest, I guess I felt too sad and mad and miserable for just thinking about it.

While scrolling through my timeline I saw a link that let me freeze. It was a link to a live stream of a festival. The Chili Peppers headlined it today. It was in the UK. Although I didn’t want to I click on it I did and a few seconds later I saw Josh and the other guys jumping on stage to their music. I watched it for a few minutes and expected to feel the pain again. But it didn’t come. Instead it felt like I saw a guy I think I almost didn’t know very well. Who was he? Why did his hair look like he didn’t wash it the whole week? Why were his clothes stained? What happened to this guy I used to love? I must say he looked very bad. Like….really bad!

His voice sounded stricken and he forgot the lyrics like Anthony did. He even forgot to play a solo in “Californication”. He really messed it up. Anthony and Flea looked at him with angry faces. I guess the mood between the band wasn’t very well at the moment. Just when I wanted to look closer at my laptop to see how his eyes were looking my phone was ringing. It was Jacob. We didn’t see each other very often in the last months but he was still and will still be a good pal for me. He knew about the break up and he was also one person who listened to me in the last weeks, mostly on the phone or via skype because he was busy with his work but we talked. “Hey, what’s up Eileeeeeen?” he said when I took the call. “Well….I don’t know. I just started to watch a live stream just to see that my ex is looking very bad and sick at the moment” “So I guess you won” Jacob laughed. “You can’t see me sitting on my bed wearing my jammies, eating pizza and drinking wine. A bun on my head. Who do you guess won?” “Well…I guess you have to suit up very quickly!” “Why?” “Because we’re going to one of the new in-clubs in Hollywood!” “No….who is we?” “You and I and some of my friends” “Jacob….you know I don’t like going to clubs and all this stuff. I don’t like the people. It’s just not my thing” “Well sweetheart, you have to. Because I put you on the guest list! So get up from bed, put your pizza body into a sexy dress and be ready in twenty minutes when I show up!” “But….” “No BUT!”

 ___________

“She packed my bags last night pre-flight Zero hour nine a.m. And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then I miss the earth so much I miss my wife It's lonely out in space on such a timeless flight And I think it's gonna be a long long time Till touch down brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home”

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

(Final) Chapter 46: Never is a long time

I have so many things to say in this last post. First of all I want to thank everyone who read the fic and supported it and also followed Anastasia's Instagram. This experience has allowed me to meet so many amazing people around the world and I'll be forever grateful for your friendship during this time. I hope we can all keep in touch. I'm extra proud of myself for finishing this. To be honest with you, there were times when I thought couldn't do it, sometimes I didn't want to, but now I'm happy I did.

It's been a wild year since I started to write this story and my life did a 180° turn since last January when I wrote those first lines after reading another amazing fanfic (Be My Getaway), at that moment I was so alone in life and so depressed that writing this was a light in my dark day to day.

Thank you again, I never expected all the success, even if nobody read it I'm so happy I did this. Life is better now and it's just starting, and I'll keep writing, and I'll continue writing about Anastasia and I hope we can all gather around that story too.

I wanna give special thanks to Adriana for helping me with my grammar, y'all know English is not my first language, to Eva (my new roommate, who would have thought?) for the support and for being JoshAn's number one fan, and to Mai for the love.

And to you for being here with me till the end.

Thank you again, I love you all.

Back in California, Anastasia didn’t have a lot of time to think about Josh’s last unfortunate behavior. The fact that he let her down so many times now was enough for her to stop caring about it, but she couldn’t and she knew it. Now the fact that she still loved Josh as hard as she loved him a year ago didn’t leave her mind. But work was calling and Dead Curse’s new single was all about him, about Josh. “How appropriate”, she though ironically while she was inside a black van on the way to perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”, a popular talk show on US television.

Jimmy knew Barbara for a long time and, of course, he knew Anastasia as well. After a warm and friendly welcome, An and Mandy did a short interview and then it was time to perform.

“Crossfire” was the name of the song and the rhythm was slow. She never planned to make it a single but the rest of the band was very enthusiastic about it and, as a democracy, they voted it to be the third single from Live Action.

 There’s still in the street outside your window

You’re keeping secrets on your pillow

Let me inside, no cause for alarm

I promise tonight not to do no harm

I promise you babe, I won’t be no harm

 And we’re caught up in the crossfire

Of heaven and hell

And we’re searching for shelter

Lay your body down

Lay your body down

Lay your body down

 Watching you dress as you turn on the light

I forget all about the storm outside

Dark clouds roll their way over town

Heartache and pain came pouring down like chaos in the rain

They’re heading it out

 And we’re caught up in the crossfire

Of heaven and hell

And we’re searching for shelter

Lay your body down

Lay your body down

Lay your body down

 Tell the devil that he can go back from where he came

His fiery arrows drew their beat in vein

And when the hardest part is over we’ll be here

And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears

 Lay your body down

Lay your body down

Lay your body down

Next to mine

 Josh’s POV

He was speechless. Josh always had certain envy towards the way Anastasia could put the deepest feelings into such melodic songs and that one, the verses he just heard her sing, were about him. He just knew it. Nobody had to tell him. She loved him and yet he let her down. She even told him she would leave it all for him and positive words couldn’t make their way out of his mouth.

There she was, on that screen, singing about him on national television, wearing a short, loose dark blue dress as the one she wore on their first date in New York, even her lips were red like the. It all brought him back to that night and all the amazing nights that followed. How could he? Josh never watched TV, unless it was sports, but Eric told him that Dead Curse would perform at Jimmy Kimmel and something inside of him pushed him to watch it. He didn’t regret it.

By then Josh was single again. Lauren ended up being tired of him not wanted to do anything “fun” with her, that and maybe the five times he called her “Anastasia” by accident –Two during sex. In the end she left him. He didn’t care about it that much, he just let her go and didn’t even try to reach her out again. It didn’t matter; no other woman mattered at the moment for him but Anastasia. A true treasure he let go, he let her space from his arms too many times. And now it was going to be harder than ever. She was with Richard the last time they were together and she, unexpectedly but magically, told him she would “leave it all” for him. But he shattered any opportunity, choosing fear again. How he loved to hear her say that to him, but enough was enough and he thought this time she wasn’t coming back. Life would go on but without her and it wasn’t going to be even half good.

Josh got up from the sofa and walked to the front door of his house. There he had a small table with some mail he hadn’t checked yet, he went through the envelopes until a very fancy one caught his attention. He opened it to discover the invitation to Mandy’s wedding.

Josh held the card in his hands for minutes and hesitated attending the wedding. On the one hand, Mandy became a great friend and many of his own friends were going to be there, but Anastasia would be an obvious presence and he didn't know if he could face her after what happened at Mark's wedding.

 Anastasia’s POV

- I hope you aren't disappointed with your bachelorette party - Anastasia told Mandy while both were flying on a private jet.

- Are you insane? You know how much I wanted to visit Tulum! - Mandy said showing real excitement sitting in front of her blue haired friend.

- Yeah, but it's just us travelling. I thought you wanted a big party with a lot of people.

- An, my wedding will be a big party with a lot of people, this is just what I need right now. It all has been so stressful. I need to relax and you need tranquility too... Have you talked to Richard?

 Richard... The topic Anastasia was expecting to surface but didn't want to talk about. Anastasia broke up with Richard a week before. She realized how much she still loved Josh and it wasn't fair for Richard, she was with him but thinking about Josh all the time. Richard was such a great boyfriend, loving and supportive that he didn’t deserve that, what she felt for Richard was more admiration than anything else, it was a platonic love but not a real one. The guy was devastated and Anastasia still felt bad about it.

 - He actually thought we would be together forever and I thought so too, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about Josh. I truly love him, Mandy, but he will never be ready - Anastasia said.

- So you’ll just avoid love until Josh is ready? - Mandy asked.

- I'm not avoiding love - Anastasia answered - I'm waiting for it because I know Josh is my true love. - Mandy left her seat to hug Anastasia, sitting on her lap.

- I swear, underneath all that hard shell there is this super romantic, cheesy and ridiculous Anastasia that I love - Mandy said smiling.

- I'm gonna reply to that saying that we need to start with the champagne - Anastasia smiled too while Mandy took her seat again and her blue haired friend went for a bottle of champagne.

 Tulum was a beautiful beach location in Mexico. Mandy had wanted to go for the longest time, so Anastasia thought it was the perfect place for a bachelorette party. She didn't have enough time to plan the whole thing ahead so there was just the two of then enjoying a best friend's weekend.

And so they did. They arrived on Saturday morning and had a large breakfast with every fruit they could possibly imagine, then they hit the beach until the afternoon. Tulum was an amazing place to find gorgeous handcraft items and both friends shopped until nighttime.

It was time for dinner. An made reservations in a very exclusive restaurant at the shore, it had a balcony and they could see and hear the waves hitting the sand.

 - I don't know if this is my bachelorette party or my honeymoon - Mandy said laughing.

- Maybe this will make you fit more into the bachelorette mood - A waiter approached them with two Margaritas.

- This fits into the Mandy mood - They clinked glasses and cheered but Mandy didn't drink - I can't believe you are actually sending us to Fiji.

- It’s where you wanted to go and I told you I'd take care of the honeymoon.

- Yeah, but you are so good to me!

- Mandy, you are my best friend. You have to deal with me everyday, this is the least I could do for you. I love you. I want you to be happy and this is what best friends do.

- So I have to start planning your honeymoon in Mykonos for when you marry Josh - Anastasia smiled, how well that pink haired girl knew her.

- I'm probably more excited than you about your wedding - Anastasia said changing the subject.

- I'm excited but this is just a step. My relationship with Peyton isn't gonna change because of it.

- Why aren't you drinking your Margarita? - Anastasia asked noticing Mandy hadn't taken a sip of it yet.

- I am - Mandy answered laughing and not touching the glass.

- Of course not, and you didn't drink champagne on the plane either! - Anastasia told her friend with a suspicious look.

- You don't miss a thing, do ya? - Mandy was still laughing.

- Oh my God, Mandy! - Anastasia screamed realizing the whole thing.

- You can't tell anybody. Nobody knows. I'm going to announce it at the wedding. Only Peyton knows about it. - Mandy said with a huge smile on her face.

- You really are pregnant? - Anastasia asked and Mandy just nodded - I'm fainting, for real. I'm gonna be an aunt again! How far along are you?

- Five weeks, kinda - Mandy said - I'm very regular with my periods and I just missed one and I knew it, Peyton went with me to the doctor and the test was positive. He cried, I freaked out.

- I'm freaking out!

- Not even mom knows about it. Neither does Nick. I'm going to announce it at the wedding and it fucking sucks I can't drink on my own wedding - Mandy stopped when she saw tears in Anastasia's face - Are you crying?

- Yes. I love you so much. This is perfect.

 Mandy got up from her chair and went to hug her friend.

 - This baby is keeping me from drinking but I can still eat so let's eat everything! - Mandy said smiling with Anastasia.

- Isn’t Mexican food too strong for the baby?

- Well, it’ll have to step it up if it wants to come to this world?

- “It”? - Anastasia was laughing.

- We don't know if it's a girl or a boy so we call it "It". It looks like an alien, a penny sized alien.  Are you nervous to see Josh at the wedding? - Mandy threw the words without warning.

- Again with the Josh thing? - Anastasia said - I'm always nervous when I’m about to see him. Even after he dumped me after having the best sex of his life. How are you so sure he will be at the wedding?

- Oh, come on! How is he going to miss it?

- Anyway, if he goes I'm sure he is going with Lauren.

- Darling, Lauren is in the past.

- How come?

- Lauren broke up with Josh because he was "too boring" for her.

- God! Poor Josh!

- Nah! Josh was good with it.

- How do you know everything about it?

- Nick likes to gossip - Mandy said with total calm and that made Anastasia burst with laugh - He does! He is the gossipy aunt.

- Shut up! - She was really happy that Josh was single again; it was like a never ending feeling of hope. - I don't know why I'm glad about it.

- Because you want him...

- I can't believe you are pregnant! Cheers to that! - Anastasia said raising her Margarita glass and drinking from it, ignoring the Josh issue and changing the conversation topic.

 On Mandy’s wedding day, Anastasia woke up very early at Barbara's place. The first rays of sunlight made their way through the curtains which made her regret drinking so much the night before. It was hard to get out of bed but she did, took a shower, grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a pair of sneakers and went downstairs where Barbara was feeding the twins.

 - I just had a dejà-vu - She said looking at her big sister.

- Are you going to the venue? - Barbara asked.

- Yes. I'm pretty sure Mandy didn't sleep at all - the blue haired girl answered.

- I will get ready here, wait for the babysitter Anthony is gonna bring and then I’ll leave for the mansion.

- Okay! - An gave Barbara a kiss on the cheek, and one to each twin - See ya later! I love you! - She said walking out the door.

 Mandy was going to get married at Malibu. She and Peyton rented a huge and beautiful mansion overlooking a cliff from where you could see all the seashore. They would have the ceremony there, the place also had access to a private beach.

Anastasia drove there to find a huge amount of people setting everything up and decorating. There was pink and blue flowers everywhere, the colors were because their friendship - Peyton didn't really care about it - and shiny, sparkly things all over the place, crystals, glitter, everything.

She walked upstairs to the main bedroom which was set up with a huge makeup and hair station.

 - I'm about to throw up - Mandy was lying in a giant bed.

- Don't be so overdramatic - Anastasia jumped next to her - It should be one of the happiest days of your life, relax!

- No, I actually have morning sickness - Mandy said.

- Oh, fuck!

- Richard sent me a huge, beautiful flower arrangement - Mandy said.

- Really? - Anastasia wasn't expecting that but it showed her how good of a gentleman Richard was.

- And a Congratulations card.

- Now I feel bad - Anastasia said- Richard was so good to me. What if he was the one and I let him slip away?

- No, he wasn't. Your one is gonna be here tonight.

- It’s time to go - Anastasia got up from the bed – Is there any food downstairs? I'm starving.

- You’re kidding, right? There's food like for an army! Let's go!

 After eating some delicious buns with cheese and garlic the chef was making, the girls started to get ready. Hannah was the other bridesmaid and Mandy's mom was there too to get her hair and makeup done.

When it was time to see Mandy with her wedding dress, nobody could hold back the tears.

 - You don't even know why you’re crying! -Mandy laughed.

- Because you look beautiful! - Mandy's mom said.

- I look beautiful all the time and I have never seen you crying about it! - She was still laughing.

 Mandy's pink hair had 50’s vibe waves, and her dress was strapless with handmade embroidered appliqué. Makeup was natural. She looked beautiful. The shoes were blue and you could read “Wifey for life” on the soles. The veil was a showstopper, it had more embroidered ornaments, including two blue birds carrying a ribbon from where you could read “And they lived happily ever after”.

Anastasia, on the other hand, wore a pale pink dress with a deep cleavage and embroidered stars all over, her midnight blue hair was up in a messy bun.

The walk to the aisle was the weirdest thing An ever did. She was accompanied by the best man, Peyton's childhood friend from Colorado. All the eyes were on Mandy when it was her turn to make appear on the set of the ceremony. The last light of the day painted the sky and her pink hair was shining. Anastasia saw Peyton's jaw dropping to the floor.

An also gave a look to the assistants; she saw Chad, Flea and Anthony next to Barbara, Nick - her father, who always saw Mandy as another daughter- Mark and Steph. She also saw Eric, Nick and Jonathan. She saw many of their high school friends, some musician friends and then there he was, sitting on the fifth row, behind Anthony. His hair was straightened and he was wearing a tux in his right size. Next to him was his sister Kelly and some guys from The Getaway tour, they made a lot of friends there. Josh’s eyes were completely on Anastasia, he wasn't hiding it. She smiled and waved, he smiled and waved back. And there she was again, looking at the true love of his life.

The ceremony was longer than expected so when the Minister said the phrase “You may kiss the bride” it was a relief for everyone. It was time to party. Anastasia talked to almost everyone in the party. She danced with Mandy and with Nick, announced a huge surprise for the bride: she managed to get the Backstreet Boys to perform, Mandy's favorite childhood band, and then –as in a wedding full of musicians– some guests grabbed instruments and put together an improvised band, Chad and Mark among the members. Of course, they played every cover people requested.

It was so much fun. Anastasia wasn't avoiding Josh but maybe he was because they didn't cross paths in the entire evening. At one moment Mandy decided to pick up the microphone to say some things.

 - Hello everyone! - She was so happy - Y'all know how I don't like to be on a stage - she said sarcastically and everyone laughed - and thank God I have one on my own wedding. I wanna thank everyone for being here and celebrating this obvious step of our relationship after eight years together. I couldn't imagine sharing my life with anybody else and I'm so lucky I found true love so early in life and without the hard work that it implies - She looked at Peyton who was next to her- But we are not only celebrating our wedding today - Anastasia smiled wide and looked at Nick because she wanted to see his face, he was going to be so excited to be an uncle - but also the begging of our family and I want to inform all that if I treated you like trash and screamed you during this weeks is because I have a baby in my belly and you are going to have to deal with that for another eight months.

 Nick's jaw fell to the floor and Mandy's mom started to cry. Everyone was so happy for them and ran to hug them and congratulate them. Anastasia saw the perfect opportunity to step out and walked downstairs to the private beach the Mansion had. The moonshine reflected on the water and it made it look like glitter. She started to think about everything that just happened and how unlikely it would be to happen to her. Her heart was Josh's and she couldn't carry a child inside her; she started to cry thinking that something was always going to be missing from her life.

She looked at the shore and cried, like she hadn’t cried in a long time. She looked at the sky and back to the horizon, then she felt a pair of arms around her.

 - I'm sorry to be crying at your wedding- she said turning herself thinking it was Mandy but no, it was Josh. She was so shocked the tears stopped running.

- Weddings can get a bit emotional, especially when the bride's pregnant - Josh said hugging her. She felt such relieve with those arms around her that she hugged him too. It was always the same, Josh breaks her heart and then appears giving her love and she forgot about the past.

- Yeah. A thing that will not happen to me - She said.

- Being pregnant at your wedding? - Josh said smiling, Anastasia melted watching him doing that - It can happen if you plan it.

- Being pregnant in general.

- How come? - Josh looked at her without breaking the hug and she remembered that she never told Josh she wasn't fertile, now she had to.

- I never told you this, because I don't really talk about it, but my reproductive system doesn’t work well and I'm not fertile, I can't be a mother - surprisingly for her, Josh hugged her tightly and then carry her to sit in the sand.

- You can be a mother, there's some other ways, adoption or even a surrogate.

- Would you like that the woman you marry can't carry your own child inside of her?

- It’s the 21st century, I can live with that. It will be our child no matter what - Those words went straight into Anastasia's heart.

- You need to stop being so damn perfect - Josh smiled.

- I'm not. You are and yet I'm always letting you go - Anastasia just shrugged - I don't want to give you the same speech I'm always giving you, how many times can I be sorry about my behavior towards you? - Anastasia opened her mouth to speak but Josh shut her up - Let me do the talking this time. When I heard about your break up with Richard I told myself that this was the time, it was it, no more fear, no more delays, I want you and I want you now. I love you, Anastasia, and I was always sure of that and part of not being able to be with you was my fear of losing you. But I lost you so many times I decided I'm not going to be afraid of the future, I just want to enjoy the rest of my days with you next to me. I want to wake up and see you, I want to sleep with you in my arms, I want to be with you and adopt a child together. I'm ready, I'm not afraid anymore.

 Anastasia was speechless, what could she possibly say? Her dream was finally coming true and Josh was all there for her, she couldn't believe it.

 - I know it’s going to be hard for you to believe I'm not gonna run away again - He continued talking - And I can't ask you to believe me, I'm just going to show you. Let me show you.

 An kissed him. She couldn't resist it. As much as her dress let her, she jumped over him and kissed him, long and deep kisses. She felt little smiles in his face between kisses and that made her smile too; both started to laugh and stopped the kissing session to look at each other.

 - How did you know I was here? - She asked.

- Before the wedding started I took a walk around, I found this access to the beach and thought it was a great place to escape from people for a moment. I was looking for you at the party and couldn't find you so I just knew you were here - They were so alike.

- I love you, Josh. I never stopped loving you and I never will. You are my other half and even if you run away I know you are going to make your way back to my arms and I'll be here, waiting for you because there's no other man I want by my side - she started to cry and Josh wiped the tears from her cheeks with his long fingers, then hugged her again.

- You know? I keep the book you gave me at Christmas on a shelf in my room and I look at it every night before sleep and every morning when I wake up to make sure I never forget you - Anastasia gave him a short kiss this time.

 Both got up and Anastasia tried to clean her dress, it was all covered in sand, Josh helped her as both laughed.

 - I know you maybe don't want a big wedding or don't want a wedding at all - He knew her so well - But would you accept being with me the rest of our days on Earth?

- I really thought I would never hear those words from your mouth - She said.

- Well, never is a long time - Anastasia smiled at him for quoting his own songs - but it happens in the end.

- I don't know what's going to happen in a year, five or forty, I'm just sure that I want to see your face, and hug your body and kiss your lips until I die.

 Josh kissed her again, a deep kiss, a meaningful one, this wasn't a death kiss, it was a forever kiss.

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 45: I’ll leave it all if you want

Hey everyone! Here is another chapter! Read it and REMEMBER there’s still another chapter to be written and EVERYTHING can change.

Don’t kill me! I hope you like it!

Love you all! ♥

Anastasia was finally getting to enjoy her new house. Living away from everything was kind of hard, but pleasant at the same time. Mandy stayed a couple of days with her friend and brought Hercules with her. Anastasia loved animals but the fact that the little dog was shitting all over the place was getting on her nerves so she was relieved when Mandy left.

 Richard also stayed some days with her, and it was a entirely different situation. Both enjoyed the pool, the view, the newly finished studio and the bed, of course.

 -          Mark’s wedding is in a couple of weeks! Finally! – Anastasia told Richard one morning while making breakfast for both.

-          It’s in England, right? – Richard asked looking at his phone.

-          Yes! The countryside, it’ll be lovely – Anastasia was pouring juice in two glasses – Steph has such great taste – Richard only looked at her for a second and smiled to turn his head down to his phone again, not saying a word so she had to ask – Are you coming with me? – Richard looked at her again, fast.

-          I have a couple of shows in Australia and then we go to Canada so I don’t think my schedule will allow it – He said with a very pitiful face.

 Anastasia already knew it, but the fact that he confirmed it made her terribly mad. She understood this type of relationship perfectly and the job both had, but she still wanted him to go to with her. She wanted to brag about their perfect relationship, she wanted to share this important family occasion with him. Lately she barely saw him, if he was traveling she was at home and vice versa.

 -          Ok – Was all she managed to say, drinking her orange juice in one gulp.

 She decided not to talk about it again with Richard and just focus in enjoying the couple of days left together. On Tuesday he left for Australia and she took a flight to London. She always managed to go to England at that time of the year, the last months, the holiday season. It was the end of November and it was already cold, she met Mandy, Peyton and Nick at her little apartment, Eric chose not to go because his mother was visiting him in California and they hadn’t seen each other in a long time.

 -          Is Richard not coming? – Mandy asked while they were dinning in a nice restaurant in the center of the city.

-          No, he has a couple of shows in Australia and Canada – Anastasia answered visually annoyed.

-          Wow, you’re mad! – Nick said laughing.

-          Like hell – She answered not smiling at all.

 Mark and Steph were the less organized couple in the world, they just didn’t like to plan things so they just did what their heart told to do. In this occasion, it was a whole weekend of celebration because of the wedding. The countryside was a couple of hours away from London so they had to take a private bus to get there. The shock came for Anastasia when she hopped on the bus and saw Josh sitting in the front next to Nick. Well, of course Josh was invited, he’d been good friends with Mark but she hadn’t see him in so long.

 Josh was wearing a black suit, a little too large for his complexion but usual for his style, and his hair was straightened so well and shiny. He looked at her, smiled, waved and returned to the conversation with Nick. It took her a good 30 seconds to react and continue the walk to her seat.

 -          Did you see a ghost? – Mandy asked her seating next to Peyton.

-          Kind of – Anastasia took seat at Mandy’s left – Josh’s here.

-          Why wouldn’t he be? – Mandy laughed – He traveled with us!

-          It’s just that I didn’t expect to see him.

-          But he is good friends with Mark!

-          I know, Mandy, it’s just that… I don’t know! I’m shook – Mandy laughed and hugged her friend.

 The weather was on Mark and Steph’s favor and the day was beautiful: blue skies, crisp wind, shining sun… perfection. The place was amazing too, a large land with white tents and purple and pink tulips, literally, everywhere. Anastasia was, of course, the maid of honor, Steph didn’t have a lot of close friends so it was natural for her to ask An to be part of such special moment. Anastasia’s dress was deep purple with her shoulders off and loose, comfortable enough to let her dance the night away. Mark was wearing a beige suit with a white shirt, while Steph’s wedding dress was long, also loose with a killer cleavage. A flower crown rested on her head, and her hair was loose with soft waves at the bottom. She looked beautiful and Mark knew it because Anastasia saw his eyes getting watery.

 An was so happy for her brother finally taking this step after all those years of relationship. Mark and Steph were meant for each other and nobody there had any doubts about it. Anastasia felt a pair of eyes on her and when she looked at the audience sitting down she saw Josh looking at her with the dumbest smile on his face, which made her release a quiet giggle.

 The ceremony was beyond beautiful. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house when they told each other their vows. Barbara was probably the most emotional, and their dad, Nick, was all smiles. Mark’s mother cried a lot also. Anastasia didn’t shed a tear but the joy in her heart was huge.

 Craft beer and champagne were the drinks of the evening and the food was a wide selection of pasta and pizza, an informal meal for this informal couple. To top it all a huge ice cream bar was set at a corner.

 -          Fuck that ice cream bar – Mandy said annoyed eating an ice cream cup on her own.

-          Why? – Anastasia asked back.

-          I planned an ice cream bar for my wedding! Now I have to cancel it! – Mandy’s wedding was already planned and in a month she was going to walk down the aisle.

-          Don’t be silly! – Anastasia was sipping her fifth champagne glass – You can have everything you want – She laughed.

Mark was friends with a bunch of popular DJs and of course they all were there playing music and mixing songs and putting everyone to dance, Anastasia and Mandy included, of course. Richard was in constant touch with her through chat, she sent him a bunch of pictures and he sent her another bunch as well. While she was dancing she saw Josh looking at her again and she decided it was time to talk to him. He was alone at the bar.

 -          Never gonna get tired of watching you dance – Josh was the first to talk.

-          Never gonna get tired of you doing it – An stopped suddenly realizing that wasn’t a good line to say but she was tipsy by then. Josh just laughed – Are you enjoying the celebration?

-          It was a beautiful ceremony – Josh said – Those two finally tied the knot.

-          I know! – Anastasia didn’t know what else to say.

-          Wanna go sit down and talk? – He asked.

-          Yes – She said without thinking, about what could they possibly talk about?

 An looked at Josh as the alcohol did its effect on her. His small eyes were shining in front of the candles and the improvised lights of the decoration, he didn’t stop laughing the whole time and the conversation was fluid like the old times. She realized, at that moment, that she missed him; that even if she had another boyfriend now, Richard wasn’t Josh and he would never be.

 -          Do you wanna dance? – An asked without thinking, again.

-          Dance? – Josh laughed some more – Are you insane?

-          Come on! – She took him by his wrists and pushed him up the chair.

 Josh put up some resistance but gave up in the end. One of Mark’s friends was playing 80’s hits while Anastasia started to move her hips inviting Josh to join her. He was stiff, as stiff as he could be, she laughed and pushed him closer trying to teach him some moves, the scene was hilarious and both were laughing hard. People around, including Mark, Steph, Mandy and Nick laughed too.

 They danced until their feet hurt and Josh decided it was time for another beer. He walked Anastasia to their table and sat her down to then go and grab his beer and another champagne glass for Anastasia.

 -          I don’t know if I can drink more – Anastasia said sipping more champagne.

-          I miss our wild drinking nights on tour – Josh said and Anastasia stopped to look at him because there was so much meaning in that phrase.

-          Do you? – She asked.

-          I do – He answered understanding what she meant.

 And a special moment started and not just their eyes connected but their minds too. Anastasia smiled nervously confused about the moment. She wasn’t uncomfortable but more pleased and she could tell he was relaxed too. It was like a year ago when there were just the two of them in the world.

 They talked some more about any topic one can imaginable, except their respective significant others. An never asked him about Lauren, and Josh didn’t even dare to mention Richard. It wasn’t because they were avoiding it, but because neither of them were thinking about them for a second.

 The party ended the following morning. At around 6:00 am everybody left back to London in the same bus that took them to the wedding the day before, only now everybody was too tired to talk.

 This time, Josh decided to sit next to Anastasia. She was probably more tired than anybody and, without thinking about it, she let her head rest on Josh’s shoulder and fell asleep for the whole ride. When they were approaching London she woke up kind of ashamed for snoozing over him.

 -          It’s fine – Josh said smiling.

-          Where are you staying? – An asked him.

-          At the Ritz – He replied.

-          Uh, fancy!

-          Are you guys staying at your apartment?

-          Yes. I can’t wait to get in my bed and sleep the whole day – She said and both laughed.

 The bus stopped and An hugged Josh goodbye. Mandy and Barbara looked at her with evident suspicious eyes and she just laughed on their faces.

 An went home, took her dress and makeup off, took a long bath and went to sleep with Josh in her mind. She was in a cloud, because Josh had this power over her to just make her feel good. Despite everything that happened in the past, she just felt good around him.

Her phone beeped and it made her wake up. It wasn’t a surprise when she saw who texted her, Josh.

 “Wanna have dinner?” – She read on the screen.

“Yes!” – She typed and sent, not thinking she was about to go out with her troubled ex-boyfriend while having a man of her own back in America.

 It was cold outside so An chose warm trousers, a pair of black boots and a leather jacket. She knew that Josh wasn’t taking her to a fancy place; she always loved that about him, that he was so laid back and would rather have a good time at some pub than at an expensive restaurant.

 They met at the lobby of the Ritz and then walked to a nearby pub to enjoy a burger and some beer. Josh was being that dude she fell in love with, shy, loose, without issues, kind, caring and lovely.

 They talked, ate and drank and by the fourth beer An knew what she wanted to do with him that night. She wasn’t thinking clearly, or maybe she was thinking clearer than ever before. Richard was blocked from her brain and she wanted to be with Josh, it was like if she was drunk of him and she wanted more. Josh realized Anastasia’s attitude and that excited him, he wanted her also.

 -          I don’t know how to ask this, especially after all we went through – Josh started to talk but Anastasia interrupted him.

-          Yes, let’s go to your hotel room – She said not measuring her words.

 Those kisses, she longed for them for so long. She missed having him in her arms and she could feel he missed her the same. The way he was holding her, so tight, so respectfully, she loved that about Josh so much. She realized Josh could give her so much more than Richard could. Josh and An got in bed and made love like the old times, wild but full of love; they needed each other. That hotel room at the Ritz was a witness of all the love that they held for such a long time being finally released.

 They had sex about four times that night and next morning An woke up with a feeling of peace she didn’t feel in a long time. She got up to have a nice, long bath and when she went back to the bedroom, Josh was already awake and sitting on a big chair in front of a huge window from where you could see a big part of London. Anastasia decided to hop on his lap, none of it felt real for any of them.

 -          Here we are, looking at a skyline together – An said and Josh smiled putting his arms around her.

-          It’s our thing – He said smiling some more.

-          I love you, and it’s so fucked up because… – Anastasia stared into Josh eyes while playing with his left ear - …you hurt me so bad – She looked down.

-          I know and I will probably say sorry for that until my dying day – He said hugging her tighter.

 They stared at the view for a few minutes more without saying a word.

 -          I don’t want to wake up from this – Josh said. Anastasia looked at him realizing for the first time that weekend how open he was being.

-          We don’t have to – An said.

-          How come? – He smiled sarcastically.

-          I will leave it all for you – Anastasia looked straight to his small eyes – I will leave Richard, I’ll leave everything if you just ask me to.

-          I can’t do that – Josh’s answer wasn’t exactly what she was expecting.

-          Why? – She got up from his lap.

-          You aren’t thinking clearly here! – He shouted - Listen – He went after her – I hurt you so bad, you don’t deserve someone like me – Apparently, the “Josh with issues” came back.

-          Don’t say that! – She screamed now – You are enough for me, you are everything I want!

-          And because I love you I can’t do that to you. I don’t know if I’m gonna screw it up again and you don’t deserve that.

-          So I’ll have to wait? – Anastasia thought it was useless to keep fighting.

-          I don’t know – Josh said and Anastasia went back to the bathroom to get dressed and cry. She just cried silently, and when she opened the door he was seating in the bed looking miserably at the floor. She walked towards him to be closer.

-          I just want to say that you worth the wait. You are everything to me – An said and Josh looked up at her – Can I give you a kiss?

 That kiss felt like a goodbye. That’s how a death kiss should’ve felt.

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 44: Ungrateful Bitch

I have an important announcement to do today, first of all - and I'm gonna rip it fast like a band aid- the fic is soon to be over. Just 2 more chapters to the end, but, and I feel very ashamed to say, those 2 chapters aren't have been written yet. Truth is I'm hella busy lately and I'm in the middle of moving in to a whole different country, I'll be traveling next week and is going to be crazy. I have hope that I can write another chapter between flights (I have to take 2 of them) and if I achieve my goal I will be posting next week but I can assure that. So I really hope you all have patience with me and await for the last 2 chapters.

I'll be active in Anastasia's Instagram so you can insult me over there.

As usuall I never get tired of telling you all how lovely y'all are and how happy this journey has made me.

Read chapter 43

Even though summer was over, Anastasia woke up in her Beverly Hills house on a really hot morning. She took a cold shower and walked down the stairs to make some French toast. She ate while standing up in her kitchen visualizing her entire place. So many memories in those walls gave her some kind of nostalgia, many things were in boxes already but there was still so much work to be done for the moving. Leaving that house was like leaving a life behind, she moved there when she was 18, she bought that place with her own money, from jobs she had done since she was 15 and now she was leaving it for a much bigger and much more peaceful place, away from the city. “Maybe this is growing up”, she thought.

Her phone rang and she saw Barbara’s face on the screen, she smiled and picked up the call.

-          How’s the moving going? – Barbara asked.

-          I’m not even half way done – Anastasia answered.

-          Man, these weeks are gonna be hell. You won’t even be here – Her sister said.

-          I know – An walked to her couch and sat down – We are leaving to New York on Thursday to do Saturday Night Live. Can you believe it?

-          How couldn’t it, if you guys are like fucking awesome? – Barbara laughed – Wait, but I thought you’d play Austin City Limits on Saturday.

-          No, we’ll play on Sunday.

-          And then you’re going to Mexico?

-          Mmm… - Anastasia took a minute to answer to her sister’s question – Nobody confirmed Mexico for us so we booked a show on Wednesday at the Continental Austin, it will be a small and fun show at midnight. It’ll be some kind of surprise for fans.

-          So The Getaway Tour is over for Dead Curse – Barbara asked another question.

-          I guess so. It’s time we focus on this album, I’m so proud of it… I can wait to show it to the world.

-          Well, I got to tell you something so it doesn’t come as a surprise for you – Barbara started to talk – Anthony didn’t get your last interview with The Music Issue very well. He thinks that the phrase “Stepping out of the Chili Peppers’ shadow” was kind of ungrateful – Anastasia was shocked, it wasn’t what she meant at all.

-          Ungrateful? He said I was ungrateful?

-          Yes, and he was angry but I told him that you guys had been the total opposite and couldn’t be grateful enough for all the tour crew for everything the Peppers had done for you.

-          Wow! This is like an ice cold shower.

-          You know how Tony gets during his “angry periods”.

-          I know how he gets but I don’t fucking care Barbara!

-          Actually, I had to stop him last night because I was getting mad too. He practically said that his band put you guys on the map and things like that.

-          What?! – Anastasia screamed – Dead Curse was big enough before doing this tour. He can’t just come and say we are what we are thanks to the Peppers. What kind of arrogant shit is that?

-          Do you still have dates together?

-          The tour has some more dates, even after Austin City Limits but nobody told us if we will be there.

-          They booked some other people to open those shows.

-          Woah! I don’t really know how to feel. We booked a bunch of shit to start the promotion for the album because we just have one month to do it but all of this, happening like this, that’s some shady shit.

-          I know, and believe me, I told him all that and more; we kind of had a big argument.

-          I’m shocked. Never expected this. I didn’t say anything bad in that interview.

-          I know, honey. You probably won’t see him this weekend because they are leaving for Mexico on Sunday but if you run into him in Austin don’t say anything, don’t make it worse.

-          I’ll try – Was the last thing Anastasia said to her sister before hanging the call.

She just stayed there, sitting on her couch looking at the front without focusing her eyesight nowhere, she couldn’t believe this. She knew that Anthony went through phases where he got very annoying, but to take it to this extreme it was a whole new level. Anastasia thought that maybe it was the pressure of the tour; everybody was cranky, it must be that.

                                                                OOO

So far Dead Curse was doing great. Anastasia had the feeling this was finally the album that would give them the push they needed to finally achieve a safe place in the music industry. “Live Action” would put Dead Curse on the map, all the maps. And now they were set to perform in the comedy TV show Saturday Night Live, one of the most popular shows in the United States, so this was big. This was huge.

But that Saturday was going to be incredible complicated. Anastasia woke up at five in the morning to go to the studios and wait for a chance for them to do some rehearsal. Then the band had to go get ready and wait for their turn to perform. Their performance was impeccable, after that they ran to the airport to take a flight to Austin, Texas, where they would peform at the Austin City Limits Festival.

-          I can’t believe we just did that – Eric told Anastasia with the biggest smile on his face – I can’t believe we just performed on Saturday Night Live.

-          Get ready darling. We are going places from now on – Anastasia laughed.

-          This is the record - Eric said.

-          I know. We are going to be huge! – Anastasia smiled – Can I sleep on your shoulder?

-          Since when you sleep on planes?

-          Since I woke up at five AM and only had a sad salad and a pizza slice to eat all day.

-          Well you don’t have to ask that. I’ll try to sleep too – Eric said while she placed her head over his shoulder trying to find comfort, but it was difficult.

It was very early in the morning when they arrived at their destination. They went straight to their rooms to have some sleep. Mandy woke her up almost three hours later to go to the venue where the festival was being held; on the way there Anastasia got a text message from Richard.

“By the way we are performing at ACL too” – a huge smile appeared on her face.

Truth was she actually didn’t know who was performing; her life was chaos lately so she never had the time to check the line up but that was Richard, giving her surprises every day.

-          Didn’t know that Richard was performing today also! – Anastasia said in the van.

-          You don’t know where your boyfriend is performing? – Mandy laughed.

-          Well, life is hell lately and he loves to surprise me.

-          So cheesy – Nick laughed too.

-          They are closing the festival so I’m definitely gonna check them out – Eric talked this time.

-          Look at you jumping from one big band to another – Nick said.

-          Don’t you guys think is weird we weren’t summoned for the Peppers shows in Mexico? – Eric spoke again – I know that we had this show booked for today and they are already there but we would have time to travel there tomorrow.

-          But we have the Continental thing on Wednesday – Mandy said.

-          Yes, but we booked that after knowing we weren’t going to Mexico. We booked that last week! – Eric said smiling sarcastically.

-          Truth is – Anastasia hadn’t said anything about Anthony being angry yet – Anthony is mad because of the interview I gave to The Music Issue. He thinks that we are where we are now thanks to the Chili Peppers.

-          That’s serious bullshit! – Mandy said angry – We are where we are now thanks to almost eight years of hard work.

-          I know – Anastasia said.

-          Wow! Didn’t know that – Eric said.

-          Did he tell you that? – Nick asked.

-          He went and got it all out with Barb – Anastasia answered. Nobody said one more word until they arrived to the destination.

The first thing Anastasia did at the festival was calling Richard. She really wanted to see him; the relationship was starting so she wanted to be with him at all times. He told her that he was doing some interviews but she could wait for him at his trailer. It was hard to find it but thankfully it was close to Dead Curse’s trailer. Richard opened the door an hour later wearing a Dead Curse tee shirt; it was deep blue with the moon in the center in silver. She smiled at the gesture and jumped to kiss him. That kiss transformed the environment into a very hot situation and they ended having sex right there.

-          What just happened? – Richard said smiling putting his clothes back on.

-          We just had sex – Anastasia answered doing the same.

-          You are crazy, you know that? – Richard hugged her from behind – And I love it – He kissed her neck.

-          Stop. I don’t have time for round two – Anastasia turned her body to face him – I have to go and get ready. I missed you.

-          I missed you too – He said giving her a small kiss on the lips – I saw you last night. It was awesome – The fact that he saw each of her performances still shocked her.

-          Did you like it? – She asked knowing the answer.

-          I’m a fan. Didn’t I tell you that before?

-          I gotta go – She said at the door – I’ll be watching you tonight.

-          I’ll sing for you.

And so he did. Once in a while he turned his body to her on stage to smile and sing to her. Mandy – being the romantic girl she is – was over the moon and Anastasia was in the clouds too.

Richard and his band went to see Dead Curse at the Continental, it was a very small show in a very hot and sweaty place but it felt incredible.

Now it was Thursday and the first member of the Chili Peppers Anastasia saw at the hotel was Chad, he embraced her and carry her in a big, tight hug that made Anastasia laugh. He did the same with Mandy.

-          What’s up Chaddy daddy? – Mandy said in a truly Mandy-esque expression.

-          Chaddy daddy? – Chad laughed – God, I missed you two so much!

-          How was Mexico? – Anastasia asked.

-          It was fun! – Chad answered.

-          Did you bring me tequila? – Mandy asked.

-          No, but I can find some for you – He said – You wanna go and drink now?

-          Let’s go to the hotel bar!

-          I’ll pass – Anastasia said – Do you know where Anthony is? – She asked Chad.

-          In his room, 205 – Chad’s face turned serious. He already knew – Josh is with him.

-          Great. I’ll catch you two later.

It was time for her to face Anthony and make everything clear. She walked to the room and knocked, Josh opened the door and he was definitely shocked to see it was her.

-          Hi! Are you guys busy? Can I come in? – She asked him and before answer Josh just gave her a very tight hug, that took her by surprise but she hugged him back with a smile.

-          Come in! – He said and closed the door behind him.

Anthony was sitting on the bed. Anastasia leaned to kiss him on the cheek and sat down next to him.

-          How was Mexico? – She asked. The air was tense.

-          It was great! – Josh answered while Anthony was just looking at her – We got to watch a livestream of you guys playing ACL last Sunday, you guys rocked. The new songs sound amazing live, and I watched you on Saturday Night Live too.

In other circumstances she would have love the chit chat with Josh but Anthony was ruining everything with his poker face.

-          We’re happy the tour is coming to an end, though – Anthony finally spoke.

-          Yeah, I can imagine. We are entering a new one already – She laughed.

-          We just have the shows in Denver and Glendale. I imagine you guys won’t be there either – Anthony spoke again. Anastasia looked at Josh but he just looked to the floor.

-          Well, we are kind of doing our own thing now – She said trying to understand Anthony’s attitude.

-          Yes… that’s the way you pay us back – He said.

-          What? – She asked.

-          I never thought you guys would leave us at the end – Anthony said upset. Josh remained silent – Especially after everything we’ve done for Dead Curse.

-          What have you done? – Anastasia said visibly angry – Yes, you gave us a great opportunity to go around the world but it’s not like we were unknown before. We were pretty big already – Anthony laughed sarcastically.

-          Ha! You are such an ungrateful bitch – Anthony said with sarcasm and carefree. Anastasia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Anger took control of her body and she got up from the bed, she saw Josh getting up from his chair too, stood in front of Anthony and slapped him in the face as hard as she could – Anthony had a scared expression on his face and looked at her so shocked.

-          We have been nothing but grateful to you and the rest of the team during this whole tour and I even said that on that interview that got you so fucking angry – She felt Josh’s arms around her trying to calm her down – So for you to say such thing to me is so hurtful. You took us on tour, that’s great but you didn’t make Dead Curse, we’ve been working our asses off for all of this for eight years so don’t you dare to take credit for it because you are so wrong.

An managed to release herself from Josh and ran away from the room. Josh followed suit. She stopped mid aisle and turned to face Josh.

-          Believe me when I say only Anthony thinks that way – Josh told her – None of us is angry or anything, I think this tour is getting on our nerves.

-          That’s no excuse for calling me that way. What the actual fuck? Who does he think he is? – Anastasia said on the verge of tears. Josh hugged her – What hurts the most that Anthony is not some random dude, he is like family to me.

-          I know – He caressed her hair, trying to comfort her.

-          Hey! Are you ok? -  She heard another voice behind her, it was Richard. She pushed Josh instinctively.

-          I just had a huge fight with Anthony – She said to him. Richard didn’t take his eyes off of Josh and Josh just looked at him as if challenging Richard.

-          Come on, let’s go have something to eat and we’ll talk about it – Richard held Anastasia by her waist and took her away from Josh but she turned around to him one last time.

-          Thank you Josh – She said – I know how Anthony can be sometimes. I’ll talk to you later – And she left with Richard unaware of the tense moment that just took place in that hotel aisle.

Anastasia didn’t go see the Chilies play their Saturday show. On Sunday they were already in Denver, so she didn’t see Josh anymore but thankfully Richard made her forget about the drama for a bit and gave her an incredible weekend in Austin. Both bands and some of the Sex Poets’ tour crew members went bar hopping around Austin and she had so much fun. Nick and Eric got along so well with Richard and his friends and that was a relief for her. Mandy was just as angry at Anthony just like An so everybody decided not to attend the Peppers set that Saturday. 

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

GOOD NEWS!

Chapter 45 is done! I’m sorry for taking all this time but life is a mess right now, thank you for all the patience! 

Right now is under review and I’ll be uploading it any time from now!!

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapters

Chapter 44: Ungrateful BitchI’m here to make your life easy, so If you are starting to read the #JoshAn story here I give you a recap with the links of the 31 chapters published so far. 

Chapter 1: And we met again

Chapter 2: Working on it

Chapter 3: Recovering from the past

Chapter 4: Angry released

Chapter 5: Tour life

Chapter 6: The perks of being a Truman

Chapter 7: Russia

Chapter 8: Back to LA

Chapter 9: I’ve wanted this for so long

Chapter 10: Celebrity status

Chapter 11: An English man and an American girl

Chapter 12: The words

Chapter 13: The friends

Chapter 14: Italy

Chapter 15: Separate paths

Chapter 16: Back to normality

Chapter 17: A ghost from the past

Chapter 18: This could mean the end of the tour

Chapter 19: A family thing

Chapter 20: New Year, new disappointment

Chapter 21: Hello old love

Chapter 22: Dot Hacker surprises

Chapter 23: Where everything started and ended

Chapter 24: Hurricane Drunk

Chapter 25: #ThePinkAndBlueDay

Chapter 26: Seeing your face every day (Josh POV)

Chapter 27: Landslide

Chapter 28: A date?

Chapter 29: 90’s babe

Chapter 30: LA – Venice is the new London - Dubai

Chapter 31: I’ll post whatever I want

Chapter 32: Glasto dreams

Chapter 33: A few steps back

Chapter 34: Hacked

Chapter 35: Richard

Chapter 36: The video

Chapter 37: Ice Cream with Josh

Chapter 38: Glastonbury

Chapter 39: Crystal

Chapter 40: Just ride

Chapter 41: keeping distance

Chapter 42: Album done

Chapter 43: Silver Lake Conservatory Gala

Chapter 44: Ungrateful Bitch

Which one is your favorite so far?

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 43: Silver Lake Conservatory Gala

Read Chapter 42

-          Are you going to the Silver Lake Conservatory Gala? – Mandy asked Anastasia while they were hanging out at the pink-haired-girl’s house in Hollywood Hills.

-          I think so, Richard wants to go – Anastasia was looking at something on her computer.

-          Wow! It’s gonna be like presenting him to society – Mandy laughed – What are you looking at?

-          Melissa, my realtor, is looking at houses for me and she sent me some, wanna see?

-          Are you going to move? – Mandy asked shocked.

-          I think so. I love my house, I love the view but the neighborhood is being invaded by this litter of new young celebrities and the privacy of the community is at stake, so I really want to leave. Besides I want to live in a place far from anything. Look at this one; I’ve been seeing houses since yesterday and I always come back to this one, it’s in Topanga.

The house was located on the top of a hill with a view of the beautiful Topanga scenery, which was far different than the one Anastasia woke up to every day. This time she could enjoy seeing trees and nature everywhere. It was rustic styled with five bedrooms and five bathrooms, a pool and a spacious basement where she could put together a music studio, besides it was 5,500 sq ft, had a pool and a fully functional vineyard with a wine cellar included. 

-          It costs almost four million dollars, but according to Melissa my house is going to sell for three million and I can easily pay the rest – Anastasia said.

-          The wine cellar is my favorite part – Mandy said.

-          I know! Barbara is going to love it!

-          We can make our own wine.

-          We don’t know how to make wine.

-          We will figure it out. It’s going to be called ‘Rich Bitch Wine’ – Anastasia started to laugh.

-          Stop it! – She told her friend – So, what do you think?

-          Do it! - Mandy said with enthusiasm – Topanga is beautiful, even though it’s far. I won’t be able to see you often…

-          Your exaggeration knows no limits. It’s not as far by car.

-          Almost a one-hour drive.

-          That never stops us from going to Malibu every time we want.

-          Well… I guess that’s true.

-          Besides I’m going to be near my monster twins.

-          Buy it! – Mandy said – I can’t wait to help you move.

-          I give you six months for you to buy the house next door.

-          Well, since I’m getting married I can convince Peyton in three months now – Both laughed.

Anastasia did not waste any time and called Melissa to confirm the purchase. She was feeling so good, getting her life in shape but a part of her couldn’t help but wonder how long it was going to last.

Things with Richard were going great as well, but the schedules were though on them, they could only be together a few days at a time. Soon, An would have to travel to New York to take part in The Meadows Festival with Dead Curse and Richard would travel to London for some concerts.

-          Did I tell you that I bought a house in Topanga? – Anastasia told Richard one night having dinner at her Beverly Hills soon-to-be former home.

-          Topanga is beautiful! We recorded there a few songs on the last record, our producer lives there – He answered – I’m so proud of you – Richard, who was just wearing a black tee shirt, very underdressed for his style, stared at Anastasia directly into her eyes. She just smiled – You just made an amazing record that’s going to take your band to the next level, you just bought another house… I could marry you right now – That took Anastasia by surprise. She laughed nervously. Was he just saying it or being real? It was definitely early in the relationship to talk about marriage and the guy got divorced a year ago. She decided to follow his lead.

-          Well, let’s go to Vegas right now and get married – She couldn’t believe what she was saying but Richard laughed.

-          You deserve so much more than a wedding in Vegas. Besides what would Mandy say if she finds out you got married without her?

-          It’s true. I can’t do that to Mandy.

-          But what do you say if we do a little trip to the desert right now and watch the sunrise there?

-          I can’t believe we are talking about this – Anastasia ignored Richard’s petition.

-          Why?

-          Because you got divorced just a year ago.

-          Darling, a year is enough time and I got over my divorce way long ago. My marriage was a mess, I already told you that.

-          And you want to get married again?

-          Why not? Just because I failed once doesn’t mean I’ll fail again – Richard smiled and his dimples appeared on his face, that always made her weak.

-          I think I’ll take that sunrise in the desert.

-          Grab a jacket then.

This time the vehicle was a lot more comfortable, it was a red roofless jeep Richard had, it was the perfect car for a good desert trip. Thank God she grabbed a warm, thick jacket because nights in the desert were really cold. Richard pulled up in a place away from the road, they just enjoyed the night with a bottle of wine he brought and she just imagined how living with him and making wine in her new Topanga house would be.

They watched the sunrise between kisses. Anastasia was never a romantic person but she found out it was because she hadn’t met the right man to be romantic with.

-          Ready to see the house? – Mandy told Anastasia while standing at the door of her current house.

-          Who is this? – Anastasia realized Mandy was carrying a dog in her arms, a very small Yorkshire terrier.

-          His name is Hercules – Mandy said – Peyton gave him to me yesterday. He said that since we were going to be officially married we needed someone to take care of and practice for kids – Anastasia’s jaw went to the floor.

-          Kids?! Mandy! We are kids!

-          We aren’t. We are 28 years old. It’s time for you to realize that this adult thing is getting over us and we should embrace it!

-          I know… Richard and I talked about marriage the other day…

-          Really? – Mandy said with a confused look on her face – But you’ve only been dating for a couple of months.

-          I know, but… Nothing seems strange with him. I remember one time Josh talked about marriage and kids and I freaked out, and now… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

-          It’s the 28th, my friend.

-          But seriously… Hercules? – She asked her friend suspiciously.

-          What? It’s my favorite Disney movie! – Mandy handed the dog over to her friend.

-          He’s the cutest!

The house was more than what Anastasia could have expected. Barbara joined them to see the property, and, of course, she freaked out when it was time to check the wine cellar. The kitchen was quite small but it was open and connected to the living room and the dining room. The basement had an independent entry and it had the perfect size for a recording studio. She was over the moon. The place was incredibly beautiful and had a huge garden surrounded by a lot of nature. The only thing she would have to add was a strong, big fence, privacy was her main concern.

-          I’ll see you tonight at the Silver Lake Gala? – Barbara asked Anastasia.

-          Yes. I’m going with Richard – She answered.

-          Great! Can’t wait to meet him.

-          Don’t you dare scare him away – Mandy said to Barbara.

-          Don’t worry. Not after I see the stupid in-love-face you make every time you talk about him – Barbara laughed.

Anastasia wore a red off-the-shoulder dress a pair of also red pumps, while Richard went for black trousers, a black shirt with a white print and a pink leather blazer. They looked amazing together and everybody at the Gala realized.

-          Did you get inspired by my hair for your look? – Mandy asked Richard and he laughed – Meet Peyton – They shook hands. Now it was time to meet Barbara.

-          This is my sister – Anastasia introduce them.

-          I finally meet you – Barbara could say the strangest things sometimes so she was worried – I’ve been hearing such amazing things about you and I was dying to meet you – Richard smiled and Anastasia breathed.

-          I’m so glad to meet you too. You are the favorite sister as I heard – He pointed to An.

-          She is more like my only sister, actually – Anastasia said.

A large group of Anastasia’s friends from the music scene were present and she was happy that Flea managed to gather even more people than the year before, where she gave a speech; she couldn’t believe it had been over a year ago. One of those friends was John Mayer, who was auctioning some guitar lessons and his board price tag was: ‘Priceless,’ that made Anastasia laugh so hard.

-          If I pay for you, are you mine? – She asked John while they were having a drink.

-          I’m yours for free – He answered.

-          Stay on your lane, boy – She said laughing – I’m a taken woman.

At the end she paid 50 thousand dollars for those guitar lessons, but she managed to give them to the best guitar student at the conservatory and she added some lessons of her own for the little boy. That gesture made Richard happy and even more proud of the woman he had by his side.

From a side of the venue, Josh never stopped looking at the couple, which was ironic enough since Lauren was joining him that night, wearing a silver sequin mini dress, flaunting her body for everybody in the room. But that made Anastasia relaxed; she wasn’t feeling guilty for being with Richard in front of Josh for once. As usual, the Peppers performed some songs and Lauren screamed and cheered with exaggeration, grabbing everyone’s attention.

Anastasia was amazed by how easy Richard joined conversations with her friends and family, he wasn’t that sociable but more political and that was great for her. She looked at Josh a couple of times and realized he wasn’t that happy but she didn’t let that ruin the moment for her.

Now it was time for The Meadows Music & Arts Festival in Queens, New York, and time to say goodbye to Richard again. Relationships in this business were hard because all of the time they had to spend apart, it was especially tough when the relationship was starting, but it would only be a couple of weeks, the guys in Richard’s band had children too, so they needed some time off now and then to see their families.

It was specially hot in New York that day, so An wore a pair of high-waisted leggings and a sports bra that read “Not your babe” in the front. She enjoyed the early hours of the festival, had some food and did an interview with an important magazine called “The Music Issue”. The show wasn’t as amazing as others, but the band gave their all. Then, it was time for the Peppers to take the stage but Anastasia preferred go sleep because she had to wake up early next day to attend the photoshoot for the interview she gave at the festival.

She walked out of her hotel room and faced Josh leaving his room too. That was an uncomfortable situation, but deep inside she was happy to see him and, apparently, he was glad too because he gave her a big smile.

-          Where are you going this early? – Josh asked her while they were waiting for the elevator.

-          I have a photoshoot. Promotion begins! – She said referring to the new record.

-          Cool! – Josh looked at the floor.

-          What about you?

-          I’m just going for a walk.

-          Do you want to walk with me to the photoshoot location? – She just asked without thinking.

-          Yes! – Josh answer shockingly and smiling.

That walk was so easy, like the old times. Like when he and she walked through the cities they performed at on the tour. It was her friend Josh again. She told him she was going to move and he was glad to know she was leaving Beverly Hills, “I love your house but visiting you was a pain”, he said laughing and she punched him slightly on his shoulder.

-          I wish I could take my house and put it somewhere else – Anastasia said.

-          Like that episode of The Simpsons where Homer filled Springfield with garbage and they have to move the entire town away? – Anastasia was amazed by that Simpsons reference, because she loved the show.

-          Yeah! And Then Homer says to Marge he is going to Moe’s and he just jumped from trailer to trailer on the highway – both laughed – We’re here – She said while they arrived to her destination.

-          I’m going to have some coffee near here and maybe visit a museum. Give me a call if you need something – He told her.

-          Alright – She hugged him and it felt like both wanted more than a hug but Richard’s face appeared on her mind violently, so only the hug happened.

The photoshoot was fun; she hadn’t had one in a while. It was everything pastels and she got to wear pretty clothes. Modeling was weird to her but her mom’s genes showed when she had a camera in front, it was awkward but easy. When she was done, Mandy texted her, telling her they were in a bar having some drinks. Anastasia decided to join them and after a while Josh did too. Everything just felt like months ago while they were touring. She was happy, she had peace… finally. 

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 42: Album done

I just wanna take a moment to thank everyone for the feedback I’m receiving here and on Instagram.

Anastasia_Truman  ❤️️

Thanks again to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥

Read chapter 41

-          I’m so happy you’re here – Richard told Anastasia during one of his many visits to the recording studio in Las Vegas.

-          Do you realize you’ve told me that every single day since last week? – They had already been working there for a week – Not that I’m complaining, say it again – Anastasia said smiling.

-          I’m so happy you’re here – This time Richard’s words came along with a small kiss.

-          You are very cheesy for a grown-ass man – Mandy said as she sat down in a big couch behind the new couple.

-          Look who’s talking? Miss Romanticism – Anastasia told her friend. Eric and Nick were trying new drum beats.

-          When are you leaving? - Richard asked.

-          In a couple of days – Anastasia answered – I’m not going far though. We are going to keep recording at Rancho de Luna, have you heard of it?

-          Of course, near Joshua Tree. We have recorded there before. It’s an amazing place.

-          I should have known because of your love for the desert.

-          It’s a Vegas thing. You guys are pretty much done! – He said referring to the album.

-          Yeah, we want Josh to just have to adjust things here and there when he comes.

-          Josh? – Richard asked.

-          Klinghoffer, he is co-producing the album – Mandy answered this time.

-          Guess I won’t be visiting you at the Rancho then.

-          Why? – Anastasia asked, surprised.

-          He clearly doesn’t like me – Mandy and Anastasia looked at each other – Last time we met, in Chicago, he wasn’t the nicest guy.

-          Well, Josh is a little weird like that – Mandy said – Don’t take it personal. Tour had us all angry by that point.

-          Yeah, I understand. I was thinking – He looked at Anastasia – That maybe you’ll want to come to have lunch with Elijah and me tomorrow.

-          Are you serious? – Anastasia was in shock. Meeting his son wasn’t something to take lightly.

-          Yeah. He really wants to meet you.

-          But Richard… I mean, I would love to! But he is your son. You can’t just introduce any girl to him like that – She said.

-          But you are not any girl, you are my girlfriend – Anastasia’s and Mandy’s eyes opened like plates, he never called her like that before, he didn’t even asked her. He didn’t need to, for her was kind of tacit. A big smile appeared in her face and her eyes shone.

-          Well, as I said I would love to, boyfriend – She answered and Richard gave her a big kiss, a kiss that made Mandy uncomfortable.

-          Get a room! – She said laughing.

-          I’ve been watching you kiss Peyton for seven years, deal with having to watch Richard kiss me – Anastasia said, laughing.

-          I have to go. I promised Elijah I’d take him to the movies – Richard said – I’m going to say goodbye to Nick and Eric.

-          I can’t fucking believe this – Mandy was still laughing while Richard was inside the recording boot.

-          Did you hear that? – Anastasia said to her friend – I am Richard Austin’s motherfucking girlfriend! I must have done something amazing in life to deserve this – Anastasia walked towards Mandy and took her friend by the arms – He is Richard fucking Austin! – She said shaking her friend but stopped when Richard came back to the room.

-          I love you. See you tomorrow – He took her by her waist and gave her another kiss – Bye Mandy!

-          Bye Richard! Have fun at the movies – He disappeared behind the door – Let me tell you something – Mandy said to Anastasia – You’ve been through such a rough path in love, you fucking deserve this. You deserve someone that treats you right and gives you nothing but love and that person is Richard. Life is always surprising us, darling. Take him; take this because you have been so patient in this disastrous love life that the Universe has put you through. I can’t assure you that Richard is the man of your life but he respect you and love you endlessly, I can see that – By this point tears were running down Anastasia’s face – And always remember this, Jesus did not die for you to be a sidechick – Now Anastasia was laughing with tears on her eyes.

-          Why are you making An cry? – Eric asked entering the room.

-          Because she is just the sweetest friend anybody could ask for – Anastasia went to hug her friend in the couch.

-          Richard officialized all this shit and called her his girlfriend today – Mandy told Nick and Eric.

-          What?! – Nick said smiling – That’s amazing!

-          Poor Josh – Eric said as a joke.

-          Stop pulling the Josh card – Anastasia said – He couldn’t decide if he wanted to be with me or not and Richard is offering me something strong and real.

-          We should celebrate! – Nick talked again.

-       But I can’t stay up until late; I’m going to have lunch with Richard and his son tomorrow.

 It’s almost as if Anastasia said “let’s stay up until late” instead. The foursome enjoyed a wild night of alcohol and clubs in Las Vegas and now her head was going to explode. She called room service for some pills and lots of water and did her best to hide the tiredness of her face with makeup. She let her hair down, put on a black Rolling Stones t-shirt, checkered gray pants and black vans, and big dark sunglasses to top it all.

 Elijah was a sweet blonde kid, wearing glasses and a Foo Fighters tee. The first thing he told her was how much he liked her band.

-          He is into loud rock right now, the Foos are the band of this week but it changes… a lot – Richard said and Elijah smiled – We are going to a place called Cantina Laredo because food choices change every week too and right now Mexican is the favorite – Anastasia was inside Richard’s SUV while Elijah was in the backseat asking her a bunch of music questions to her.

-          So, are you going to be a musician when you grow up? – Anastasia asked Elijah while they were eating at the restaurant.

-          Yeap! Like daddy – Eliajh answered.

-          Would you let him? – This time she asked Richard.

-          He can be whatever he wants to be but he must be the best at it.

-          You can teach him – Anastasia said.

-          Would you help me? – That question took her for surprise. Answering to that was like a long life commitment but something inside of her made her talk without thinking.

-          Of course! – She saw Elijah’s smile again and Richard’s too – This reminds me of when I started asking dad to take me to the studio with him. That was the beginning of the best thing I could find in my life – She looked to Elijah – Music makes everything better, never forget that.

-          I won’t – The kid answered.

For some reason that situation, being there with Richard and his son, didn’t feel weird to her. It actually made her realize that she wanted that, she wanted something to hold on to, a family, a strong bond, a stable love and maybe Richard was the one who would give her all that. She felt calm in that moment and she didn’t have any doubts about anything.

Richard was such a good father, always answering his son’s questions and helping him do mundane things. They went to a kid’s indoor playground after lunch and she had a lot of fun playing with Elijah. She was already trained for that, she took care of the twins with Barbara while Justin was nowhere to be seen, so being with kids wasn’t a strange ground for her. They ended the day at Richard’s house, which was beautiful, really well kept for a single man. He had a dog, a small dark French bulldog called Pete, and that was the main reason for them to be there, so Elijah could play a little with the dog.

She helped Richard cook dinner, and even though the panorama was unusual for somebody like Anastasia, she felt like she could fit perfectly in such lifestyle.

ooo

Anastasia and Mandy were driving to Rancho de Luna for the first day of recording sessions with Josh. An was nervous, she hadn’t seen him or even spoken to him since the past month, this was weird but she trusted Eric when he said that Josh wanted to do this.

As soon as they parked, An saw his car and a bunch of memories of her inside that car filled her mind and nostalgia made act of presence.

-          Josh’s here – Anastasia said.

-          How do you know? – Mandy asked.

-          That’s his car.

-          Oh, right! – Mandy said realizing how stupid she was – I have an idea! Let’s break the ice with a little joke.

-          One of your jokes?

-          Yeah! Let’s make him laugh so he forgets you ditched him.

-          I didn’t ditch him! He just didn’t make up his mind!

-          I was joking!

-          I hate your jokes.

They entered the place and there he was, sitting in front of the console, with his headphones on, fiddling on his laptop.

-          Thank the Lord you are here! I have a terrible dilemma – Mandy asked Josh and he smiled taking his headphones off – Listen, the meal that joins breakfast and lunch is called brunch, but how would you call the meal that joins lunch and dinner? “Diunch” or “Lunchnner”? – Josh looked so confused by Mandy but he decided to go along with her question.

-          What about “early dinner”?

-          But how do you know it’s not a “late lunch”?

-          Well… In that case, “lunchnner” sounds better.

-          Thank you Josh, this is why you are here, you have all the answers.

-          I wish I did – He said now looking to Anastasia – Hi! – He smiled and she felt guilty for some reason.

-          How are you? – She asked.

-          Great! Really happy to be here – He said smiling some more – We are waiting for Nick, he’s on his way – Eric was already inside blasting the drums – I have to say that I’ve been listening to what you guys have done and it’s amazing. These are stadium anthems. Pure rock. I love it. How was Vegas?

-          Amazing. Inspiring – She didn’t need to say more. Josh smiled and put his headphones back on.

The relationship between Josh and Anastasia was polite but not extremely friendly during the recording process. Josh had brought a lot of British bands to the table that definitely inspired the sound Dead Curse wanted to portray. An saw him happy, relaxed, music had an amazing effect on him as on her, and that environment helped them get along again, but the relationship, for sure, wasn’t what it was before.

The place also helped Josh get loose. He was a desert fan too and Joshua Tree was one of his favorite places in the world. He, Anastasia, Nick and Eric would go hiking in the mornings, then Josh would take them to places to eat and served as a tourist guide, not that any of them needed it, they all knew the area pretty well, but Josh was happy doing it and everybody just let him be.

At nighttime, they would record and produce and that was when everybody was at their happiest moment. Making music was something they all like to do and every song they made sounded stronger than the last one, so the excitement was in the air and the musical self-esteem was high, really high. By the end of that week the album was completely done and the smiles on everyone’s faces were big.

-          I can’t thank you enough for doing this – Anastasia told Josh one afternoon while she was playing with the guitar he gave to her on her birthday inside the recording boot.

-          Don’t worry! I’m glad I decided to do it – Josh told her, while sitting on one of Nick’s amplifiers.

-          This place is great for recording! – She was trying to find any topic of conversation.

-          Yeah. How was the Las Vegas place? – He asked.

-          It was cool, small, warm, it actually has great technology. Elton John recorded there.

-          Cool! It’s weird I never heard of it before.  

-          Actually it was Richard the one who told me about it.

-          Oh… right – Josh lowered his voice. Things started to get weird.

-          How’s Lauren? – For some reason that question popped in her brain and her mouth spit it without permission. He seemed shocked but answered anyway.

-          Fine. She is releasing her album real soon, around October – He said. That let An know he and Lauren were still an item.

-          Oh! We are planning to release the album on October 31st.

-          Your favorite day of the year – He smiled.

-          You know how much I love Halloween – She smiled too and he stared at her, like he didn’t want to forget her smile.

If things weren’t strange enough at that point, everything was about to go to hell when a familiar face appeared behind the crystal that separated the control room from the recording boot. It was Richard. Josh’s attitude took a 180° turn, his expression went blank and the air got heavy. Richard entered the place smiling and Anastasia smiled back, he was wearing a blue short-sleeved shirt with white stars and a pair of jeans that fitted him perfectly, black boots gave the final touch to such sleek look.

-          I wanted to surprise you – Richard said after giving Anastasia a big kiss on her lips.

-          You sure did! – She answered awkwardly – You remember Josh, right?

-          Hey, man! – Richard said.

-          How are you? – Josh was showing himself much more polite this time.

-          Great and you?

-          Good, having fun making an amazing record.

-          Yes, what I heard in Las Vegas was magnificent, can’t wait to hear it all.

-          It’s gonna knock you out – Josh said with half a smile – I’ll leave you two alone, I’m going out with Nick and Eric.

-          Alright – Anastasia said and watched him walking out – Why do you look so hot? – Anastasia asked Richard, he laughed.

-          I want to look good for you.

-          You are doing a great job.

-          You look amazing too.

-          I’m wearing an oversized Dodgers sweater and Vans, no makeup and my hair is a mess.

-          If I say you look good you take it and don’t say a word back – He put a finger in her lips and for some reason she thought that was incredible sexy – Do you wanna go out for dinner tonight?

-          Yes, but first let’s go to the house we rented here near so I can change, I’m not going out looking like this, at least a little bit of mascara I need.

They shared another kiss and joined the rest of the gang at the control room.

-          We are going out tonight to celebrate finishing this record – Mandy told Anastasia and Richard.

-          We already make plans for dinner – Anastasia answered.

-          But we’ll join later – Richard told Anastasia.

-          Yeah… ok – She said looking at Mandy.

Josh didn’t stop lookng at Anastasia the entire time they were there, so she hurried up in getting out and going to the house so she could change clothes. She put on a pair of black jeans with a mustard knit sweater and a pair of black ankle boots. Her blue hair was loose and her makeup minimum, she wasn’t great at makeup actually, that was Mandy’s thing.

-          Now you look even more beautiful – Richard said when he saw her.

-          Oh, stop it! – Richard hugged her tightly without noticing and she felt his warmth, his endearment. That man loved her; there was no doubt about it.

They ended up going to a place called Pie For The People that served New York Style pizza, “To remember our first date in New York”, as Richard said. Anastasia still had trouble finding this situation realistic, he was still Richard Austin, a face that used to be up a wall in her room back in the mid-2000s. And that day, in particular, she was having trouble understanding Josh’s attitude, he acted so polite and decent. She was glad, but she knew he was keeping some feelings and that always make her uncomfortable.

After dinner, they joined the rest of the group at Joshua Tree Salon, a nice pub downtown and she was amazed by how Josh was loosely talking with everyone, included Richard, and acting so relaxed. 

-         Glad you came! - Mandy said - We ordered some food but I guess you two already ate.

-          You know? - Josh looked at Mandy – It’s not a “lunchnner” if is this late – They both laughed. Anastasia was happy that he was slowly turning back in the Josh she knew.

Definitely, producing the record had something to do with that. Anastasia also realized that having Josh around woke up some feelings she wanted to keep locked inside, after all it was Richard the one sleeping next to her that night in the house they rented at Joshua Tree.

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

I thought that it will be fun if I post some songs here that in a way or another inspired the fan fiction. I'm going to start with "As Far As I Can Get" by Florence and the Machine that is definetily Anastasia running away from her feelings for Josh.

What song do you hear when you read the JoshAn story?

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 41: keeping distance

Hello everyone! Here we are once again with another #JoshAN chapter, tho the name of the fic is Never Is A Long Time I don’t use it as muchas I use JoshAn.

Before we go into this crazy love story I want to force you all to follow my girl Zara on Instagram because the author of Be My Getaway revamped her story and now is on whattpad 

♥ Zara IG ♥ Whattpad Story 

Read chapter 40

-          I thought we were done with the whole dating-musicians thing after Josh – Barbara told Anastasia at her house in Malibu.

-��         He took you to Palm Springs at two in the morning?! – Mandy screamed. She was there too.

-          Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? – Barbara spoke to Anastasia.

-          How was sex? – Mandy asked and Barbara gave her a hard look – Oh come on! You want to know too.

-          It was elegant – Anastasia answered. That was the first word she thought of.

-          WHAT?! – Barbara and Mandy said at the same time.

-          Yeah… it was nice and sweet and gentle. It was elegant.

-          It was dreamy – Mandy talked supporting her face with her hands and smiling.  

-          What about Josh? – Barbara asked suddenly.

 At that moment, Anastasia realized she hadn’t thought about Josh for days.

-          I hope his thing with Lauren works out – Anastasia answered.

-          Really? – Barbara was shocked.

-          Yeah, I don’t really care. I haven’t talked to him in like a week.

-          My girl just made all her sixteen year old wet dreams true, Barb, give her a break! – Mandy was now hugging Anastasia and Barbara was laughing.

 The ultimate test was to see Josh again and keep her feelings at bay. And it was that time again… to go back on the road. She was tired, and she could see the rest of her band was tired too but something good was starting to happen, she had a bunch of songs ready and the guys in Dead Curse were so inspired to put music to those lyrics.

-          I’m excited. For real, these lyrics are different and I want to make an album that doesn’t sound like any we have done before – Anastasia said in a luxurious hotel in Rome. They were waiting for the Peppers there since they were performing in festivals in Portugal and Spain without Dead Curse. Now Anastasia and company had a week off to spend in the Italian city.

-          A real rock album – Eric said.

-          I feel that we’ve been touring for so long that we need to finally put a stadium-anthem record together – Mandy said.

-          Yeah! I want the same – Anastasia said.

-          I got a bunch of hard guitar riffs to dust off in my pantry – Nick smiled.

-          I feel like a mini Chad Smith and I wanna blast some drums – Eric was laughing now.

 Anastasia loved those moments when the band got together and just talked about their music, each one of them were so talented individually. They brought a lot of equipment and set it up on An and Mandy’s bathroom, it was the place with the best acoustics to record and as soon as each one got their instruments in hand the melodies started flowing in the most natural way.

 By the end of the week, they had five songs ready.

-          I think we should go to the studio on August and finish this thing – Anastasia said while the band was having lunch at a restaurant near the hotel in Rome.

-          Man! Are we going to launch another record this year? – Mandy said smiling.

-          It wasn’t planned but we are in such an inspirational rush! – Anastasia said.

-          We need to take advantage of it – Eric said drinking some wine.

-          I’m so happy! – Anastasia said. Things were going good for her, as long as she had the band and a place to make music she was pleased.

-          The Peppers arrive today here – Nick said after eating a pizza slide.

-          Have you talked to Josh? – Eric asked.

-          Nope – Anastasia said – But I’ve been talking to Richard almost every day – He was well aware of Anastasia while she was away. She smiled and kept looking at her phone.

-          Uh! Look at that smile – Eric said laughing – Your love life is a mess – Everyone laughed.

-          You know, last week I found out that the Hanson guys are still making music and they are all married with a bunch of kids each one. That made me realize that it is possible to have a stable love life while being in this business, so I’m pretty sure that the problem here is me.

-          Don’t say that – Nick said – Things with this Richard guy are going good so far.

-          I know, but… - Anastasia said.

-          But he’s not Josh – Mandy talked looking straight to Anastasia’s eyes. She knew her so well.

-          But I need to move on. Josh is not ready and Richard just makes me feel so good – Anastasia talked and saw Nick smiling.

-          You look happy. You look better and you have improved on your songwriting skills – He said.

-          But none of the songs are about Richard – She laughed.

-          Instead, there are a couple about Josh – Mandy talked again.

-          Well, cut it out with the Josh subject – Mandy’s tone was starting to annoy Anastasia.

 When they came back to the hotel, there he was, at the lobby. Josh. Wearing his Yankees cap with a matching Yankees tee shirt and huge black pants. He wasn’t wearing any outerwear, it was a really hot Italian summer, it kind of shocked Anastasia since Josh was always seen wearing a jacket. It hasn’t been that long since she saw him for last time but she could swear his hair was longer. He turned his head and crossed his eyes with An’s, looked at her for a few seconds and then turned his head away and walked to the elevator with his back to her. She knew what that meant; it meant he was angry, she knew him so well. She thought about going after him but some invisible force stopped her from doing it.

 That leg of the tour felt weird for Anastasia and her band. Live shows didn’t go well, the vibes were weird, the air was heavy and the lack of communication with Josh was driving her insane. Instead, she focused on recording some vocals for the new songs and changing the lyrics for others.

 The only show that was amazing was Lollapalooza in Paris. Dead Curse had always been a festival band so they felt comfortable playing in such stage. But after all, they were happy to play in places they never been before like Riga in Latvia and Reykjavik in Iceland. The tour was practically over at that point. They still had to play in some festivals but not together. By the last day in Reykjavik, everyone was so tired. Anastasia was at the hotel restaurant talking to Richard on the phone, she was having dinner with Mandy but her friend was already on her way to her room. Conversations with Richard were deeper every time and the relationship was definitely growing, she was so comfortable with the situation, she just didn’t have any doubts, it was so different than when she started with Josh and all the things that filled her head at that time. This was the opposite of that, so easy.

 Richard hung up the phone and then An started to walk to her room. On the hallway she saw Josh closing his door, he saw her too and a knot appeared on her stomach, so strong it hurt.

-          Hey – An managed to say and he gave her a half smile – Going out? – Josh nodded – I thought that maybe you wanted to talk. We haven’t talked much these past weeks.

-          I don’t feel like it. I’m going for a walk – He said passing by her on the way to the elevator.

-          Don’t you want me to join you? – She asked.

-          No. I prefer going alone – He answered and the elevator door closed on Anastasia’s face.

 Now he was rejecting her, and for some strange reason that made her feel worse.

-          He doesn’t know anything about my date with Richard in Palm Springs – Anastasia told Mandy when they were both in bed before sleeping.

-          Maybe he just knows that you are better with Richard and he wants to keep distance, for his own sake – Mandy answered – Last time you two talked you had this huge fight – Mandy looked at her friend – What do you wanna do?

-          What do you mean? – Anastasia knew perfectly what Mandy meant with her question.

-          What do you wanna do? – Mandy asked again.

-          I want to be with Richard – Anastasia answered – I feel is the right thing to do right now – Mandy smiled.

-          You didn’t even think about it.

-          I just feel it. I like him… a lot. He is growing on me and it’s like… it’s meant to be – Mandy hugged her friend with a smile – Do you remember all the doubts I had when this thing with Josh started?

-          How can I forget that? I feel so guilty.

-          No! It’s not your fault. But I don’t have any of those feelings with Richard – Mandy smiled again.

-          Richard is so different from Josh – Mandy said.

-          How?

-          Even though Richard is younger than Josh in age, he is such a man – The pink haired friend pronounced “Man” elongating the “a” – You know, like an actual adult man – Anastasia laughed – He even has a kid and all!

-          Yeah Richard is so much more mature that Josh, but what I like about Josh is just that, the youth in his heart, because he is pretty mature too if you think about it, his creativity, his art is mature enough.

-          Yeah, but… Richard is a man – Mandy elongated the “a” again - I know that we’ll be in the studio next month but we need to focus on the wedding planning. I’m going to get married in December.

-          So, has it been decided?

-          Peyton decided it and I love that month so I’ll have a winter wedding in Malibu. I have the first dress fitting in mid-August. I’m so nervous.

-          Can I go with you?

-          I would be offended if you didn’t.

-          I’ll cry.

-          I’ll cry if you cry – Both friends laughed.

 Josh didn’t speak to Anastasia even on the flight back. Truth was, she was stocked to see Richard again. He was traveling to London in a few days to do some promotion for his record so she wanted to spend those days with him.

-          I can stay in LA until Friday because I want to be with Elijah a couple of days before I leave – Richard told An when she called him from LAX to let him know she was in town.

-          Sounds cool! – She replied, getting in the van with the rest of her band.

-          Guess I’ll see you tomorrow – He said.

-          Sure! Let me know when you arrive.

-          Can’t wait – He said and she just could imagine him smiling and his dimples appearing on his face.

 They only spent three days together but they were so special. They had dates, he took her to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery where a company was showing movies from the 80s and 90s at open sky, they had a picnic and watched “The Craft” one of Anastasia’s ultimate favorites. They had wine and ate cheese and ended the night at Anastasia’s bed. Sex with Richard was great, but it wasn’t as wild as with Josh.

-          I don’t want to leave – Richard said in the morning, resting his head on Anastasia’s shoulder while they were still in bed.

-          Go and see your son – Anastasia said stroking her hands through his hair, which was a little bit longer and it wasn’t combed back with gel as he used to have it. It was wild bed hair and it made him look incredible sexy.

-          I know. I’m going to miss you – He moved his head to be at Anastasia’s face level. He smiled. The gold chain he always wear shone when it was hit by sunlight – What are you doing to me, Anastasia Truman?

-          I’m just being cute and lovely for you – She smiled too looking straight to his eyes.

-          You are an expert. This is so strange for me. After being with the same woman since I was a teenager… - He still mentioned his ex-wife now and then and that bothered Anastasia but she could understand that they had a very long relationship.

 An didn’t answer; instead she kissed Richard, with passion, hard, trying to make him not forget her.

-          What are you going to do this month here in LA? – He answered trying to contain himself after that kiss.

-          I’m going to make a new record – She answered.

-          A new record! Already?! – She nodded – Wow, talk about efficiency.

-          We’ve been having a good inspirational rush. We don’t want to wait to put these songs out.

-          Can’t wait to hear them – Richard kissed Anastasia again – I’m going to leave.

 He got up of the bed and started to gather his clothes scattered around the room, he looked so funny doing it and Anastasia smiled. She got up from the bed too, grabbed an oversized sweater over a chair near to her and put it on.

-          I’ll call you – He said at the door of the house.

-          And I will answer – That was probably the cheesiest moment she ever had but he smiled.

-          I love you – He said, sound and clear without stopping to think about it.

-          I love you too – She didn’t even take a second to answer. Richard looked relieved by her answer and kissed her goodbye.

 She went next day to the studio in Hollywood with the biggest smile on her face.

-          Someone is happy today! – Mandy told her when she entered the recording room.

-          I just spent three days with Richard and it was magical – Anastasia was still smiling.

-          Well, Eric is about to destroy that smile – Nick said and Eric laughed.

-          Listen, I was thinking that we need help for the finishing touches on some songs and we need somebody outside this band that can give us an honest and different view – Eric said sitting behind his drum set. Anastasia knew what he was about to say next – I thought that Josh would be the right person for that job.

-          Do you want Josh to produce our album? – An asked.

-          Yes – Eric said.

-          But Josh is not speaking to me. He won’t agree.

-          He already said yes – Eric said and Anastasia’s chin went to the floor – He is going to be in New York for about two weeks, which will give us time to record so he can come and just adjust everything.

-          Wait, wait, wait… He said yes? – Anastasia couldn’t believe it. Josh’s sudden change of heart was making her ill.

-          If you don’t want to, I’m sure we can find someone else – Nick said.

-          No, no! I want to; I would like it to be Josh. It’s fine by me – It was going to be a strange situation but luckily with all the vocals recorded she wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time with him in the studio, she thought.

 They were trying hard to make the songs work, but nothing was going well for the band that day. Anastasia’s mind was blocked and so was the rest of the band.

-          What if we change studios? – Eric said at night after not accomplishing anything that day.

-          What do you mean? – Anastasia asked.

-          We can go to Rancho de Luna and do some recording there – Eric talked again. The idea of the dessert just made its way to Anastasia’s mind.

-          Richard told me about a studio in Las Vegas – An said.

-          The Battle Born Studios?

-          Yeah, that one! We can try it out too.

-          Yes! Let’s do a trip to Vegas. If we want to make this powerful show-inspired record what better place for big shows than Vegas?

 All Dead Curse members agreed and the little experiment began. 

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 38: Glastonbury

I’ve been a little bit busy lately and not as present as I wish on here, but I’ll leave you with a new chapter and I’ll wait over here for all your feedback.

Remember to check Anastasia’s Instagram (Is kind of abandoned but I’ll change it! I promise!) 

Anastasia_Truman  ❤️️

Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥

Before the start of another tour leg, it was time to celebrate Mandy’s birthday, and of course Anastasia prepared something very especial for her friend. It was going to be a nice dinner at her house because Peyton already had other plans for the pink-haired girl, he was taking her to Colorado, where he was from, to spend a couple of days with Mandy and his family.

And only family attended the dinner that Anastasia planned. Mandy’s mother was there, as well Barbara, Anthony – The two were together at all times lately – Eric and his girlfriend Hannah, Nick was there too alone because he had sadly just broken up with his longtime girlfriend (she couldn’t keep up with the tour schedule and the relationship went to hell). Peyton was there also, of course, and at the last minute Josh decided to join them. It was a small gathering but so meaningful, Anastasia never saw somebody so happy to turn 28 before Mandy.

Barbara and Susan, Mandy’s mom, had decorated the place with gold and black balloons and golden accents everywhere. Mandy took a billion pictures and there weren’t that many people there, but she even managed to get Josh on some of them.

-          Come on! A few weeks ago you were posting a million pictures and videos of Anastasia on your Facebook, now is your turn to be on mine – Mandy said to Josh laughing and he agreed to pose for some pictures with her.

They ate and drink and then it was time for the birthday girl to leave because she and Peyton had to take a flight early next morning. Barbara and Anthony also left because they had to drive to Malibu and behind them Susan also left.

The remaining friends stayed at Anastasia’s place the whole night having drinks, laughing, talking and enjoying. The weather was perfect for a Californian summer so they spent the night at the backyard.

At some point Anastasia’s phone started to ring and a smile appeared on her face as she saw it was Richard calling. Even though Josh was there she didn’t miss the opportunity to answer. She quietly walked inside the house into her kitchen.

-          You never answered my texts – Richard reproached through the phone.

-          I’m sorry, I’ve been kind of busy with the whole Glasto thing – Anastasia said, Richard’s voice was deep and so sexy.

-          I know. I’m going to make space that day on my schedule to catch the stream – She was shocked that he actually wanted to see her perform. He still was her teenage crush.

-          Really?

-          Yeah! I wouldn’t miss for anything in the world! I already told you I am a Dead Curse fan! – Both shared a laugh - I was thinking that if you have time next week we can meet in LA – And as much as she wanted to say yes they were soon leaving for tour again.

-          I would love that but we are traveling again next week – She really didn’t want to say no.

-          Well, I guess I’ll have to wait until you come back from Glasto – And she was more shocked now that he wanted to wait for her.

-          Yeah. This touring thing is starting to get crazy.

-          I know how it can be, especially when you have kids and all you want to do is spend time with them. How was your day, by the way? – Did he really want to know how her day was?

-          It was cool. It was my best friend’s birthday so we celebrated with dinner at my place.

-          Did you cook?

-          I don’t wanted to poison everyone, so no – She heard him laughing.

-          I’m sure you aren’t that bad – He said – I guess I must go ‘cuz I’m sure you still have some guests at your house. Wish your friend a happy birthday from me and I really hope I get to see you soon.

-          Me too! – She was too shocked to articulate a good answer – Text me soon! – She felt stupid for saying that.

-          I will but promise me you’ll reply! – This guy was out of this world.

-          I will! – He laughed and hung up the phone.

-          Look at that smile! – Hannah talked behind Anastasia scaring her bad.

-          How long have you’ve been there?

-          Long enough to see you embarrassing yourself in front of some dude you like.

-          I don’t…

-          Look at that smile! – She repeated herself.

-          Is it that obvious? – Anastasia asked smiling again.

-          It is, my friend. It is.

-          I don’t want Josh to see me smiling like that.

-          Why? – Hannah wanted to know.

-          Because… - She didn’t want to talk about the whole story at that moment – It’s complicated between Josh and I at the moment.

-          I know, Eric has told me a few things and we both agree that Josh is wasting his time… and yours.

-          How come? – Anastasia seemed confuse.

-          You can have an amazing relationship with any other guy but here you are… waiting for him and he can’t make up his mind.

-          I know but…

-          But nothing! I see that smile and try it! Try it with that guy!

-          I don’t know if I can try it – Anastasia laughed – There’s nothing there, he is just my teenage crush and I made a video with him in Vegas.

-          He called you a week after you made the video.

-          Yeah but…

-          But nothing! Don’t be so stubborn!

Before Anastasia could say anything back, Eric and Nick appeared in the kitchen telling her they were going home to have some rest. Only Josh was left at her house, she grabbed two beers from her fridge and walked to the backyard where Josh was sitting close to the glass fence that separated her house from the Los Angeles skyline, which at that point was lit up in hundreds of colors.  

-          Here – She said handing Josh one beer bottle.

-          Thanks – He smiled – He called you, right? – She wasn’t expecting that question at all.

-          He, who? – She asked back.

-          That guy, Richard – Josh said – You forget that you have no walls in your house, just glass, and we could see you from here – He was still smiling. The glass walls were the thing she loved most about her house but in that moment she hated it.

-          Yes – She couldn’t lie – I don’t see why it has to be a problem. You have a girlfriend after all, a girlfriend that sleeps on your bed, the same bed where we have had sex – She just spit those words like there was no tomorrow.

-          I know – Josh face was serious now, Anastasia worried that maybe her words got him mad – It isn’t a problem, actually. I mean, as you said, it doesn’t have to be – She was confused now – You know what? You are right – Josh looked to the city – This place has its beauty and I always find myself enjoying city landscapes with you for some reason.

-          We should start a blog about landscapes – Both laughed.

-          That was one of the reasons why I chose to sing ‘Landslide’ to you – Anastasia looked at Josh, it was the first time he admitted it – I know it’s a little bit literal but the best moments in my life these past years have been with you on a balcony and a city landscape on our backs. That’s also the reason why I loved that picture of us in New York you posted on Instagram, that Barbara sent to me and is now printed and framed at my house.

-          What? – That was an extremely nice surprise to hear.

-          Are you shocked?

-          I am – She said – I love that picture too.

-          And do you know what’s the best part of us being on a balcony watching a city?

-          Which is? – She already sense it what he was going to say.

-          That we ended up making love – That choice of words, ‘Making love’. Anastasia smiled.

-          That was the worst way to ask for sex – Both laughed as she threw herself upon him over the big garden couch he was sitting on.

Josh started to kiss An tenderly opening his eyes once in a while to look at her and smile, she did the same. He was being sweet, there was no rush, there was no passionate euphoria; there was only love. Just sane and pure love. He was combing her midnight-blue hair (which looked black in the night sky) with his hands and she was caressing his cheekbone and his neck, something that always drove him crazy. As he got her naked he was making sure to kiss every inch of her body and that made her flinch, he looked at her in the eye from her bottom and smiled with mischief.

This time was the city of Los Angeles’ turn to see them become one as they showed their love without boundaries. And Mandy was right, every time he was jealous he liked to take charge and be the boss in those situations.

-          It always feels so surreal to wake up next to you – Josh said waking up next morning in Anastasia’s bed and she nodded smiling. He took her by the chin and kissed her – Let’s take a shower.

-          Like, together? – Anastasia asked laughing.

-          That’s why I said let’s – He said smiling too.

-          I have never done that before. Except that one time I shared a bathtub with you but it was different – She said – I got this feeling we aren’t going to actually shower much.

-          Your feeling is correct.

Josh got up from the bed, walked to Anastasia’s side of the bed and carried her to the bathroom where they made love again that morning.

-          Do you want bacon too? – Anastasia asked Josh from the kitchen, cooking.

-          What kind of nonsense question is that? – He laughed.

-          You should be so grateful I am making you breakfast. I don’t make breakfast for anybody!

-          Well, it’s almost three in the afternoon, so this is hardly breakfast.

-          We slept deep – Anastasia said focusing on the bacon she was cooking.

-          How could we not? – Josh approached her from behind, hugging her and giving her a kiss on her head – After that amazing night – Anastasia’s body shook completely just remembering last night. Josh walked to the kitchen island and took a seat on one of the benches – Mandy is calling you – He said showing Anastasia her phone. She was so grateful it wasn’t Richard the one calling.

It was a facetime call and Anastasia touched the screen accepting and all she saw was a diamond ring where Mandy’s face should have been and it just took her a second to understand it.

-          I can’t fucking believe it – Anastasia said.

-          I’m going to get married! – Mandy screamed showing her face.

-          I’m going to start crying at any moment – Josh was looking at the screen too and smiling.

-          Hi, Josh! – Mandy said and Anastasia saw that he was close to her.

-          Congratulations, Mandy! – He greeted her.

-          Thank you!

-          How did it happen? – Anastasia wanted to know.

-          We arrived this morning and slept a little bit, and then we had a lunch with all of his family because of my birthday, and then he took me out to the beautiful backyard of his house from where you can see the mountains, just the two of us, and he proposed with a long speech I can’t even remember right now! Oh my God, An! When I saw him kneeling I thought I was going to faint. It literally just happened and you are the first to know! Well, you and Josh – Josh smiled wide.

-          I’m crying! – Anastasia said.

-          Do you smell that? – Josh asked looking at Anastasia but she was just too into the screen of her phone looking at Mandy’s ring - It smells like something’s burning.

-          Oh, shit! The bacon! – Anastasia exclaimed – I’ll call you tonight, you just made me burn the bacon.

-          It wasn’t me. I’m over here planning my wedding already. Talk to you tonight! Love you!

-          I love you more! – And she ran to see the disastrous black bacon on the pan. She looked at Josh ashamed but he was just laughing.

-          I don’t think I wanted bacon anyway – He kept laughing.

The next couple of weeks were going to be hard for the Dead Curse members, they had to perform on the schedule of The Getaway Tour dates, then travel all the way to England to play Glastonbury and then go back to the United States to comply with that leg of the tour.

It was going to be complicated and the lack of sleep was going to be the number one rule, but they were excited to play on another festival: Bonnaroo. They arrived to Manchester, Tennessee early July 9th because Anastasia and some others wanted to see U2 perform that night at the same festival.

-          You have no idea how many tears are gonna run down my face when I’m on that stage – Anastasia was talking with Anthony about Glastonbury at the hotel restaurant where they were going to have lunch.

-          I’ll be crying too – Anthony answered – But we are planning on watching it on the big screens if they are ready in Grand Rapids.

-          What? Are you serious? – Anastasia asked shocked because they would bother to do that.

-          Yes! We already talked to the guys and we don’t have a show that night, but the venue let us put up the stage a day before so if the screens are functioning we are going to watch you that night. I think it’s going to be early here but I’m bad with time zones.

-          I would like to help you but I suck at that too – both laughed – By the way did you hear the news?

-          Does it have something to do with the huge rock on Mandy’s finger?

-          Yes!

-          Who would have thought?  - Anthony said smiling.

-          I always knew it! They are meant to be together – Anastasia said and she saw Josh taking a seat next to her at the table.

-          Talking about people meant to be together – Anthony said laughing and Josh shared a smile.

-          I was telling Tony about Mandy’s proposal. It seems everyone around me is getting married – Anastasia told Josh.

-          Everyone? Who else? - Anthony wanted to know.

-          Mark is getting married too – Josh said.

-          Oh! Well, maybe you are next – Anthony said to Anastasia.

-          Don’t think so. Marriage is not for me – She said smiling – Are you coming with us tonight to see U2? – She asked Anthony changing subjects suddenly.

-          I’ll pass – Anthony answered – I’m tired.

-          Why? It’s U2! The Joshua Tree thirtieth anniversary tour! Aren’t you going to make Barbara company? – Barbara was there because she was one of the producers of the festival. Even though Mark said to her weeks ago that he was going to Bonnaroo with Stephanie, both decided that it was better to attend Glastonbury instead.

-          Don’t think so – Anthony said – But I heard Chad’s going and Josh is going too.

-          Of course! Intelligent people that wouldn’t miss such an important event in the music history – Anastasia said and Anthony just smiled.

U2 was fantastic. Anastasia sang along to some songs, because she didn’t knew them all, joked with Chad and Barbara and even Josh sang along to some songs too.

Their show at Bonnaroo, the following night, was very impressive too. After doing it all over again on the remaining dates of The Getaway Tour it was time to travel to London and play Glastonbury. Anastasia couldn’t believe that it was time to do it already. Mark and Steph joined them as well as some touring team that Mark and the record label had put together. She was excited that Josh and the rest of the Peppers were planning on watching them on the big stage screen and she felt even more joyful that Richard was also going to watch her from New York, where he was at the moment as he let her know on their daily exchange of messages. They had been texting each other every single day.

Glastonbury was full, like always, and the heat was so heavy that Anastasia didn’t leave backstage except for a few interviews only. When she was starting to get ready, she received a text from Josh.

Josh: How is everything going?

An: Fine! I’m getting ready. Want to see my outfit?

Josh: Show me.

An: These are the best boots I ever wore on a show. - Anastasia managed to take a full body picture to show him her thigh-high boots with the Union Jack flag embroidered with sequins and her loose, tiny black dress.

Josh: Sick boots! You look beautiful, as always. – She smiled when she read that – I always said that your stage outfits are my favourite, but you always managed to wear something better after, and then I have to say that this is my favourite outfit so far.

An: You are so sweet. What are you guys doing over there?

Josh: Not much. We will go to the venue in a couple of minutes and everything is set up to watch you guys play on those big screens.

An: You don’t realize how cool and how special it is for me that you guys are going to watch us play tonight.

Josh: I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world, I already told you. – Anastasia heard a couple of knocks in the door of her dressing room.

An: Someone is knocking at the door, it must be my makeup artist, AKA Mandy. I gotta go but I’ll text you when I get to the hotel tonight.

Josh: Alright! Can’t wait to see you and I’ll be waiting for that text.

Anastasia put her phone aside and walked up to the door. The person behind it was someone she never thought she was going to see there.

-          Richard! – She screamed – Oh my God! What are you doing here?

-          I’m impatient, and although I told you I was going to see you after Glasto, I decided to bring it up a notch –  He was there, wearing a black t-shirt and jeans and carrying a bouquet of wildflowers with all the colors she could imagine – I brought you flowers, I heard wild lowers are your favorite – Now she was sure she said that on some old interview.

-          Thank you! Oh my God! This is such a nice surprise.

-          I was worried you might take me for a stalker.

-          No! This is so cool! Mark is here too.

-          I know. I’m here thanks to him.

-          How come?

-          Well, he helped me get on a plane yesterday to be here today. I made some room in my schedule because I really wanted to come.

-          You are crazy! You are promoting a record!

-          Yeah but we had a couple of days off, and between being locked up alone in some hotel room and watching you headline Glastonbury, live, I’m going to choose you all the time – Anastasia blushed and smiled shyly.

-          Thank you.

-          I was planning to go out and have dinner tonight, but I know you’re going to be tired and we all have to go back to the US tomorrow early. But I really want to have a date with you – Anastasia almost chocked with her own saliva.

-          Are you serious? A date? With me? – Did her teenage crush just asked her for a date?

-          Dead serious – He said giving her a half smile. The most sensual half smile she had ever seen.

-          That would be so cool, Richard! I’m honored!

-          Don’t be silly. You look beautiful, by the way. Those are probably the coolest boots I ever saw.

-          I know, right? Making my homeland proud! – Both shared a laugh and another couple of knocks were heard in the room. This time was, in fact, Mandy.

-          Ready for your makeup? – Mandy said entering the room and then she saw Richard – Oh! I didn’t know you had company, sorry.

-          Don’t worry. This is Richard – Richard got up the couch and greeted Mandy, who was wearing a holographic glitter leotard with a clear tulle dress over it, she looked like a princess.

-          Nice to meet you – Richard said with his deep, sensual voice.

-          Nice to meet you too! – Mandy said kind of shocked.

-          I’m going to find your brother and let you get ready! I’ll be at one side of the stage, can’t wait – Richard said and left the room.

-          Oh my God, An! – Mandy screamed – The guy is even hotter in person! – Anastasia just smiled.

That was, for sure, the best show Dead Curse played in years. Nobody hit a bad note and the audience knew every single word to every single song. Sometimes the crowd sang so loud that Anastasia couldn’t even hear herself. She felt a little bit of pressure because Richard was there, watching her from the side of the stage and Josh was in the United States watching them in some giant screens. This was a dream come true and it was better than she imagined it. At the end, Anastasia gave the crowd a short speech about love and acceptance and thanked them for being there that night. A couple of tears ran down her face and she saw Mandy crying of joy too, then the sky lit up with a bunch of fireworks and the four members shared a tight hug and stayed there watching the fireworks show.

Richard was staying at the same hotel as the rest of the guys, so he joined them for the trip back to London. He was getting along with everyone; he had more charisma in that body than there are stars in the night sky. Anastasia would have liked to spend some time with him but everybody was really tired and all of them had to catch a flight back to New York the next morning, including her brother and Stephanie.

She entered her room, cleaned off her makeup, took a shower and threw herself in the bed to fall sleep with the biggest smile she had in months, while Josh, in Grand Rapids, kept waiting for the text she promised him.

Read chapter 39

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 37: Ice Cream with Josh

Hello everyone! I’m back and I’m so sorry I kept you all waiting for this new chapter but here it is! This chapter is so sweet and I hope you all like it!

Remember to check Anastasia’s Instagram that is on fire:

Anastasia_Truman  ❤️️

Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥

Read chapter 36

Next morning, Anastasia woke up feeling in heaven. She was trying to process the weekend she just had. Not only she met her lifetime crush, she worked with him and they shared a drinking session. Cloud nine was such a small place for all the joy and happiness she was feeling. She even managed to get Josh out of her head for a while; the constant knot on her stomach was fully undone while she was in Las Vegas.

She brushed her teeth, tied her hair up in a bun, took a quick shower and grabbed a long Pilots tee shirt (Her dad’s legendary rock band), put it on and went downstairs, When she was walking through her living room she saw a pink spot on her kitchen that wasn’t normally there, she smiled and walked towards her best friend.

 -          I’m gonna take all of your keys back. I’m tired of you all sneaking into my house! – Anastasia said smiling.

-          I woke up extremely happy this morning and I wanted to have a great breakfast but Peyton wasn’t there so I came here to have breakfast together – Mandy said turning around to see Anastasia but the midnight-blue-haired girl notice that her friend wasn’t, in fact, happy. Mandy showed a serious face.

-          What’s wrong? – Anastasia asked. She really wanted that breakfast.

-          This is wrong! – Mandy said showing a little orange jar on her right hand.

 Anastasia understood everything then. Mandy found her Xanax jar and it was empty. But it wasn’t because Anastasia took them all. After that afternoon with Josh in Orlando she never took another Xanax, instead as soon as she got to LA she threw the pills on the crusher on her kitchen sink but she never got rid of the jar. How stupid she felt in that moment. If she explained that to Mandy, her friend wouldn’t believe her because of the addiction she had on the past.

 -          I’m sorry. I took them on the tour but I swear I won’t do it again – Anastasia told her friend.

-          I’m so disappointed and so angry right now, An – Mandy said – You know that if you have any issue, any problem you can come and talk to me and I will help you find a solution, I will cheer you up! Don’t go back to Xanax. It cost you a lot to get out of it years ago – Mandy’s face showed her rage.

-          I’m sorry. I swear that it was just one time – Anastasia was begging her friend for comprehension.

-          I just feel so mad that you didn’t come to me – Mandy said.

-          Sometimes I think I’m a load to you.

-          Never! I don’t want to see you bad – Mandy walked to Anastasia and gave her a tight hug, Anastasia embraced her friend like there was no tomorrow. They had a long time without giving themselves that kind of hugs that goes straight to the soul.

-          I’m fine. Believe me, especially after this weekend! – Anastasia said with a smile.

-          I’m going to serve breakfast and you have to tell me everything – Mandy said.

 The two friends had some eggs, bacon and waffles and Anastasia told Mandy every single little detail about her weekend in Las Vegas.

-          I saw the picture on your Instagram with the red wig – Mandy said laughing – I miss your red hair, which was the beginning of your witch-to-be look.

-          I know! I looked amazing, don’t you think?

-          You did! But how is he? – Mandy wanted to know.

-          He is even better than I imagined. He is so sweet and so nice. He is not that cocky asshole we saw on stage or videos. We had dinner, we made the video and then we had some drinks and we talked about everything you can imagine, especially his divorce – Mandy opened her mouth big.

-          He got divorced? – She was shocked.

-          Yes! He has been divorced for around a year – Anastasia said sipping some coffee from her cup – Their new album is about that… Oh! – She almost forgot – He kissed my hand twice!

-          What a gentleman! – Mandy said

-          It was incredible! And I had a great time with Steph too.

-          Time is always great if you spend it with Steph! – Mandy laughed – I’m so happy for you! You got out of the drama for at least three days.

-          I know – Anastasia smiled – I’m still over the moon! – Mandy smiled too.

-          I gotta go because Peyton’s mom is in town and we are going to have lunch and then we hit the stadium for the game tonight.

-          Sounds fun! – Anastasia said.

-          It is fun! My mother in law is so sweet. I’m so lucky.

-          You are, my friend, you are!

-          I’ll leave the dishes to you.

-          That’s the problem with people sneaking into my house to make breakfast… I have to clean later.

-          I love you! – Mandy closed the door behind her.

Anastasia sighed, looked at the mess Mandy had left in the kitchen and began to clean it. But she was still happy, even doing the dishes. She heard her phone ringing and something inside told her that it was Josh, she left the dishes half done and ran to answer the phone and, in fact, it was him calling.

-          Hey! – He said.

-          Hi – Was all she managed to say.

-          I was about to do some grocery shopping and I decided to call you to see if you wanted to join me – That was weird – If you aren’t busy, of course.

-          No. I’m not busy – Anastasia said – pick me up.

-          That was easy – He said as a joke but it made Anastasia feel a little bit ashamed – I’ll be there in ten.

 She ran upstairs to change into more appropriate clothes for leaving the house. She chose a pair of black joggers and a black tee shirt with the word “witch” in front, just as the one she used to wear onstage sometimes. In exactly ten minutes Josh was blowing the horn in front of her house.

-          My favorite witch – He said looking at her tee shirt.

-          My favorite… guitarist? – She said mocking him and laughing.

-          At least I’m your favorite something.

-          Don’t be silly, you are my favorite in so many things like… - She mimicked the process of thinking – Like… You are in one of my favorites bands, does that count?

-          You are so funny today! – He said faking a smile.

-          Why are you buying groceries if we’re leaving on Friday again? – Anastasia said.

-          I’m tired of eating out – He answered.

-          Did Lauren leave? – She had to ask because the matter was in her head for a long time that morning. He looked at her before answering.

-          Yes. She flew back to New York last night.

-          Cool – An wasn’t going to prolong subject. Josh looked at her again like waiting for a further answer but she didn’t give it to him.

Josh drove to a grocery shop in downtown Santa Monica. It felt so weird for Anastasia do mundane things like groceries with Josh. She was buying some things for herself too and they looked like a couple buying food for their home. And the atmosphere was so tense, as if Josh wanted to say something and he just couldn’t get it out of his chest, at the same time that they were there trying to choose if coconut shampoo smelled better than aloe shampoo.

-          Aloe doesn’t have any smell – Anastasia said – And you know how I love coconut.

-          You know what was cool? Those kid’s shampoos that smelled like watermelon or bubblegum – Josh said.

-          Yes! Let’s find those! I used to use the watermelon one and my hair smelled great the entire day!

-          Are we actually going to buy kid’s shampoo? – Josh said laughing.

-          Yes! – Anastasia confirmed it laughing too.

-          You’re crazy!

-          You already know that – She found the shampoo – Take the watermelon one and I’ll take the bubblegum one – Josh looked at her with an incredulous look – I’m being serious.

-          Alright… I’ll take it – He was laughing.

-          Your hair will smell amazing! – Anastasia said smiling.

-          Let’s have lunch together! – Josh said suddenly – I’ll cook you something. What do you want to eat?

-          For real? – Anastasia was accepting all his propositions that day like it wasn’t a big deal but inside of her it was a huge deal, indeed – Mmm, I don’t know… What about some grilled steaks and roasted veggies?

-          Sounds good. Deal.

-          At your place? – Josh looked at her straight into her eyes like if the answer was obvious.

-          Of course!

Josh started cooking the steaks at the grill in his beautiful backyard, the only place that wasn’t filled with instruments, while Anastasia was cleaning and chopping some peppers, tomatoes, onions and corn cobs to roast then in the oven. Not only they went to shop for groceries like a couple, now they were cooking lunch like if that parallel universe where Josh having a girlfriend and An having experienced a weekend with the love of her teenage years didn’t exist.

-          Did you have fun this weekend? – Josh asked suddenly when they were seating at his dining table. It felt like a release, she knew he’d wanted to bring it up the whole day.

-          More than you can ever imagine �� She answered.

-          You really like his band – Josh said looking and the food on his plate.

-          I do. Well, it was one of those bands you like when you are a teenager. I use to love them then I lost track of what they were doing, but now Mark is working in the studio with them.

-          Cool – Josh said, the same cold way An replied to him when he told her about Lauren a couple of hours ago – And what did you do? – He went on with it.

-        We mostly filmed, but in our spare time we had dinner with Richard, the lead singer…

-        ‘We’?

-          Yes, Mark and Stephanie were there too. They got engaged! – The situation was as weird as you could get.

-          That’s amazing! – Josh said – They seem so in love.

-          They are! They were born to be together.

-          Yeah. Some people are – He stopped eating and kept looking at her – What else did you do in Vegas?

-          Well, we had lunch and when we were done filming the video – She stopped for a moment, doubting if she should continue talking but she liked to push Josh’s buttons and deep inside her brain, and her heart, she was angry for the time he spent with Lauren – I had some drinks with Richard… just to celebrate – Anastasia felt as if Josh’s stare was piercing her brain.

-          Cool – he said again before giving a big bite to his corn cob.

They didn’t say another word until the plates were empty.

 -          That was so good! – She said taking the plates from the table – Here, I’ll do the dishes – She took a plate from Josh’s hands.

-          Wanna watch a movie or something? – He asked her – I don’t know if you have any plans but…

-          I don’t have any plans but why don’t we go to the beach? – She asked him.

-          The beach?

-          Yeah. Let’s go and just lay on the sand. It’s a nice day out – She was finishing cleaning.

-          Alright. It’s a good idea.

And so they went. On the way to Venice Beach, Anastasia’s phone began buzzing and as she grabbed it she saw a couple of messages from Richard, she felt bad about reading them while on Josh’s car but the curiosity was huge.

“Hey. Hope you are well, I just wanted to tell you that I’ve seen some scenes from the video and you look beautiful”. She read the first.

 “You will be the first to watch it when is out”, the second one said and she smiled like a child.

 -          Do you smile like that when you read my texts? – Josh asked.

-          What? – She thought she heard wrong.

-          You read that text with such a smile on your face – She heard right.

-          Is that a wrong thing?

-          No. It’s the face I make when I read your texts – He was impossible.

-          I’m going to leave the facial expression I make when I read your text to your imagination – She said but Josh didn’t take it as well as she thought. He started to drive faster, as he did when he was angry. She decided not to reply to Richard right away.

They arrived at Venice Beach and the beach was mostly empty, which was always something amazing to catch. Josh brought a big towel with him so they could sit on the sand.

-          I love this place so much – Anastasia said.

-          Why? – Josh asked looking at the sand.

-          Why? – She looked at him – There is such beauty in this place. So many things happening, so many people from so many places around the world. There’s the city and there’s the beach…

-          It is a place with so much falseness – Josh said still looking at the sand. He didn’t catch Anastasia’s eyes even though she was looking at him. She knew he was angry.

-          There’s falseness everywhere, not just here. But you need to only see the good. All the people that move here to make their dreams true…

-          How many actually achieve that?

-          What’s wrong? – Anastasia was done – I only wanted to get some peace at the beach shore. I mean, look! The beach is empty; do you know how rare is that? And you are there, looking at the sand being angry for some reason…

-          I’m not angry – He looked at her straight to her eyes for the first time since they arrived to the beach – It’s just… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.

-          I’m here to listen.

-          I know but I also know you won’t be there for too long.

-          What do you mean? – Anastasia was confused.

-          I feel like I’m losing you, An – He said without breaking the eye contact.

-          Losing me? From what?

-          From whom…

-          Josh, is this because of my weekend at Vegas?

-          It’s about everything you will do. I feel like I can’t make up my mind and I know you won’t here forever, I know that if somebody appears and wants to take you he’s going to do it because I can’t make up my fucking mind.

-          I’m going to ask you something crazy – He looked back to the sand – By any chance did you read my writing notebook that Eric has because he’s making notes for some new songs? I wrote a song called ‘Make Up Your Mind’ and it’s about you – Josh looked at An again – I promised myself that I wasn’t going to write songs about any other guy but this thing that I have with you has turned into a fucking roller coaster – She laughed.

-          Would you be mad if I did?

-          Well… I know Eric didn’t give you permission to read it because he knows I don’t like people to sneak into my lyric notebook – He looked at her again – But no. I wouldn’t be mad about it.

-          I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist. I’m so jealous of the way you write songs that I wanted to see if I could learn something. I guess I got more than what I was looking for.

-          That will teach you to stay away from other people’s notebooks – Anastasia laughed but Josh looked to the floor one more time and she just hugged him – Look at me – She said to him without breaking the hug. Their faces were so close – I don’t know what’s going to happen, you don’t know what’s going to happen so why not just enjoy this moment, right now, without worrying about an uncertain future? – He just looked at her with the tenderest eyes and that gave Anastasia the push to kiss him. It wasn’t a long kiss but it was meaningful, it was one of those kisses that made both smile after, and they did. She saw Josh smiling for the first time that afternoon – Let’s enjoy today and this beautiful sunset.

Sunsets in California were something out of this world. The sky turned into so many shades of blue and pink and red, it didn’t matter where in the state you were, at sunset it was mandatory to stop and look at the sky for a few minutes. Josh put his arm around Anastasia while she rested her head on his chest to view that show the sky was giving to them. After that she remembered the ice cream shop she discovered with Mandy last time they were there and Josh obviously agreed to go and get one.

-          Guess I should take you home – Josh said while getting into his car.

-          Yes, you should – Anastasia laughed – I need to start packing because we aren’t coming back to LA before going to London and I need to pack a whole shitload of things.

-          I’m so sad I’m going to miss Glasto – He started to drive.

-          You can watch it, there’ll be a livestream!

-          Really? I need to plan that. I’m so damn proud of you all, how far Dead Curse have come.

-          I know. I will probably cry on that stage. It has been a personal dream for a long time.

-          You deserve it. You all do. I’m so jealous of what you guys have with DC.

-          You have that with Dot Hacker.

-          It’s not the same. I mean it fulfills me… to a certain point.

-          You’ll never be content with anything you do, will ya? – Josh shrugged.

Anastasia wanted to ask Josh if he wanted to stay the night at her place, but she felt that with everything that happened that afternoon it was enough Josh for a day. They shared another kiss in the car once they were in front of her house and it was a much more passionate one. To her, it felt like he didn’t want to let her go, the way he grabbed her lips with his lips woke up a bunch of emotions inside of her, but it had been enough for that day.

This chapter was inspired by a particular Florence and The Machine songe (By now you all guessed that I LOVE Flo) I couldn’t find a good video on Youtube but here is a LINK to the lyrics, sorry for that. This is also the song that Josh read on Anastasia’s notebook. 

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 34: Hacked

Hello everyone! It's Thursday again and that means a new chapter is going to be posted.

I want to thank everyone who's given me such amazing feedback. It's great for me and it makes me want to keep writing, but I feel like I need to make some kind of disclaimer at this point.

When I started to write this fanfiction story, I always did it with the purpose of being different because every fanfiction I read about Josh is. I didn’t want to write another “love story,” I wanted to create something with substance and avoid that “Let’s see everything in pink color and flowers” kind of a thing because my writing is not like that at all.

Every piece I have written in my life has had an obscure vibe and a “life’s not good” line attached to it. So I want you all to keep that in mind. Life isn’t perfect, humans make mistakes and my fanfiction shows that. No matter how rich or famous you are, you're still a human being. 

I would also like to say that in this story nothing stays the same all the time, the plot changes and the characters are going to change also, and there are a few more plot twist to come, so be warned.

Maybe I need to do another chapter from Josh's point of view so you can all understand a little bit more about his ways. 

Anyway, that was long and I really, REALLY, want to thank everyone for writing to me. I love to read and reply to all your comments and questions.

I have nothing but love for you all! ♥♥♥

Read chapter 33

Now it was time to go back to Los Angeles for another couple of weeks. Anastasia was happy to have Josh back by her side on the flight back home; he gave her a sense of calmness nobody else could give her. They decided to watch some stand up comedy shows on Netflix and laugh their asses off. It was nice to have that interaction with him again; she was happy even knowing, deep inside, it was a half happiness and as soon Lauren would appear on their lives again that smile and calm mind would disappear fast.

Josh’s phone buzzed, he grabbed it from his pocket, looked at the screen and put it back in his pocket without doing anything; but it buzzed again, and again, and a fourth, fifth and sixth time.

 -          It seems important – Anastasia said.

-          It’s not – He answered but his phone buzzed again.

-          Sure? – His phone buzzed one more time.

-          It’s Lauren, but I don’t wanna get into drama right now – He said turning his phone off.

-          Drama? – Anastasia asked curious.

-          Never mind – He answered cutting all possibilities of talking further about the subject – Do you want to watch another stand up show?

-          Sure! – She said without pushing Josh to talk about it.

 The fact that Josh didn’t want to reply to Lauren’s messages was so pleasant for An.

 -          This morning Eric was telling me that you guys were going to record together this week – Anastasia asked once the show they were watching was over.

-          Yes! We are going to help a couple of friends on their album. I’m not sure yet where we’re going to record, I was thinking at my place but it’s a mess. Guess I’ll have to put some order there when I arrive.

-          Why don’t you use the studio in Hollywood? – She was referring at the studio where they recorded The Getaway that belonged to her, her brother Mark and Brian – My room isn’t booked and I have to be there to put some things in order too at the office this week.

-          That would be perfect! – He said looking at her with his eyes wide open.

-          Let me write an email to bookings to let them know – She said grabbing the notebook. She realized that Josh didn’t stop looking at her while she wrote the email – What?

-          Nothing. It’s just that you are so fucking fantastic.

 And without even knowing she felt Josh lips caressing hers. She closed her eyes and let herself go. He grabbed her face with both hands and she put her notebook away and started playing with the hair in the back of his neck. Both were on Josh’s cubicle on the plane and it was really dark, it was a night flight, so nobody had any clue of what was happening there. Josh helped her to sit on top of him and as he started to kiss her neck she couldn’t contain her moaning, they stopped and looked at each other and shared a silent laugh, she put a finger on her lips as a silent signal and laugh again as he went back to kiss her neck and shoulders.

 -          I don’t think this is too smart – She said whispering in his right ear.

-          I know – He answered back while trying to breathe.

-          It’s not the time to enter the Mile High Club – She whispered again. By that moment Josh was already on her breasts. “What a stupid day to decide to wear a skirt for the flight” she thought.

-          Yeah, like we didn’t entered that club long time ago – He said pushing her skirt up. He was so on it.

-          I’m not part of that club yet – She said pushing him back. He looked at her confused.

-          Oh… sorry – He excused himself.

-          Don’t be sorry – She said smiling – But you are part of it, as I see.

-          I’ve taken a lot of flights during my life so… - He said kind of ashamed and that ashamed face was something Anastasia couldn’t resist in Josh.

-          Me too but I’m not flying around fucking on planes – Josh laughed – But… well… - She couldn’t believe what she was going to say – I’m glad it’s a veteran who is going to get me a pass to that club – She started to kiss him again – But wait, you know I’m loud – Josh smiled.

-          Bite my hand – He put his right hand on her mouth.

-          What? – She laughed hard.

-          Bite it when you feel like screaming or moaning.

 Josh went back to her neck with his mouth and with his free hand, and a little help from Anastasia, got her skirt up and unbuttoned his pants. The fear of getting caught turned Anastasia incredibly on and it was something she never experienced before. It was quick but fierce and she didn’t let go of Josh’s hand the whole time. Poor guy had a red mark where Anastasia bit him.

 -          Welcome to the Mile High Club, hope you enjoy your stay – Josh said mocking after she went back to a side of him.

-          Sorry about your hand – She said looking at it.

-          Don’t worry. It was worth it – He was still trying to catch a breath.

-          I liked it! – She said turning her head to him and smiling like a child.

-          I knew you would – He looked at her too and gave her a sweet kiss.

-          I should go back to my seat – She said getting up.

-          But wait! – He grabbed her arm – I didn’t use protection.

-          Oh, you worry about that now? – She hadn’t told Josh yet about her not being able to get pregnant so she had to lie – I’m on the pill – He smiled.

 Walking back to her seat felt like the biggest walk of shame ever. She kept thinking that all these people were ignorant that she just had sex a few feet away from them. She didn’t care, walks of shame weren’t shameful at all and the biggest smile appeared on her face, which lasted the whole flight.

 This was the part of relationships she liked, the beginning. That period when everything was passion and smiles and kisses. But after that, things always went to hell for her. This was a different situation, though, and she thought that maybe having this kind of encounters with Josh would make that “Honeymoon state” last longer. Because she wouldn’t be his real girlfriend, she wouldn’t have to deal with everyday issues and phases of boredom couples usually went through, she would only get the sex and the kisses and the nice stuff.

Yes, this may sound like she was some kind of mistress but she wasn’t wrecking any marriages in the process and the situation was strange for her, for Josh and even for Lauren. Anastasia loved Josh and if she wanted to enjoy this she needed to hold onto something to keep going, and that concept was perfect so her mind could fully accept that she was going to be with him but it wasn’t an exclusive thing.

                                                       …

 -          Are you in LA? – Her brother Mark called her the morning after she landed in Los Angeles.

-          Yes. I was trying to get some sleep – She answered with a sleepy voice and not fully awake.

-          Nevermind, I’m here at your house. Come downstairs now – Mark said laughing.

 She opened her eyes, growled and against her will she got up and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, then she threw and oversized sweater over and went downstairs where her brother was sitting on her couch with a smile.

 -          You and Barbara need to understand that the keys you have are for EMERGENCIES – she shouted the last word.

-          I use to live here so shut up – Truth. Mark lived with her a couple of years. Around 2008.

-          What do you want this early? – She took a seat next to him in the couch.

-          It’s almost midday – Mark said laughing – I need your help… or your opinion.

-          It seems you made a choice but you can’t do anything without my approval – Anastasia said rolling her eyes – Nice, another Mandy.

-          Listen – Mark put a serious expression on his face – I’m gonna propose to Stephanie – Anastasia opened her mouth to form a wide smile.

-          You’re joking! – She said still smiling – Oh my God! –She jumped and sat over her legs.

-          The thing is I want to make it special and you and Stephanie follow the same philosophy as for romantic issues, that means you two aren’t romantic at all – Anastasia shrug – Since U2 is coming to LA to do a couple of concerts, Barbara managed to get us in the first night and I’m going to take Stephanie backstage so she can meet them and shit. The thing is that I’m going to propose her there but I’m not sure which moment is the perfect one.

-          It has to be during “Where the Streets Have No Name,” it’s her favorite song from The Joshua Tree! – Anastasia said overexcited about it.

-          Yeah, I was thinking about that – Mark said – She loves I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For too. You have to see her singing it in the car.

-          Yeah, but you two already found each other it doesn’t make sense!

-          Ok, that’s way too literal and extremely cheesy. I think I’ll go for Streets.

-          Can I come too? I love U2! – Anastasia asked making small claps of joy.

-          No. You will be touring – He said rolling his eyes.

-          Right – She said, sitting back in a normal position – It doesn’t matter, I’ll see them at Bonnaroo.

-          We are going to Bonnaroo as well! – Mark said – Well, at least Barbara told me that.

-          She’s working in that? – Barbara had a production company that worked often on festivals.

-          I think so… so back to the thing. Is it a good idea?

-          It’s a GREAT idea – Anastasia went back to clapping – I’m so happy for you! It was about damn time, you two turn eleven years together this year!

-          I know. I’m finally doing this.

 The smile on Mark’s face was hard to put into words. And Anastasia was really happy too, she loved what Mark and Stephanie had, it was a true love, so pure. Yes, they fought too and even broke up a couple of times but they are the real representation of people that were born to be together.

She became obsessed about a story Barbara told her when she was a child. It was an ancient Asian myth, which said that it didn’t matter what kind of relationship two people have at a time, or whether those two lovers were worlds apart, if they’re meant to be, they will always be connected by a red thread. “Even if you live on other sides of the world, the thread will stretch so that your hearts are always connected”, she heard Barbara’s voice in her head. Anastasia always said that Steph and her brother were the living proof of that myth. And now they were going to get married, a marriage, she was sure, would last forever. Love is a real deal and there was Mark showing it to her.

She thought about that a lot that afternoon and it became clear to her that love had many forms, it can be smooth like Mark’s relationship or it can be a bumpy ride like the one she took with Josh. In the end it was love and love will make you terribly sad before it fills you with endless happiness.

Next morning, Mandy was the one sitting on Anastasia’s couch, well, more like lying down.

 -          What time do we leave for the game? – Anastasia asked Mandy from the kitchen. She was making banana pancakes for both of them.

-          Around 4? – Mandy answered.

-          I’ll tell Josh – Anastasia said.

-          Kelly’s coming too, right?

-          Yes, I told her also.

-          Oh, it’s gonna be fun, finally going to a game this season – They were planning on attending a Dodgers game that afternoon. It was the San Diego Padres v. the Dodgers and An was very excited about it – Did you receive the box Peyton sent you?

-          The one with all the Dodgers goodies? Yes. I loved the collaboration with Hello Kitty, that’s the tee I’m wearing today!

-          Me too! – Mandy said smiling.

-          Alright, twin! – Anastasia smiled too and handed Mandy a plate with pancakes - I’m wearing the gray cap with the “D” on front too, can I give the black one to Josh?

-          Oh, Josh received a box too! – Mandy said.

-          You gave a Dodgers’ gift box to Josh also?

-          Yes… the shit I do for you – Mandy rolled her eyes.

-          With a Hello Kitty tee shirt on it?

-          Ok, we didn’t include a Hello Kitty tee on that one but we gave him a hoodie that I’m sure you’re going to steal.

-          Oh, how good you know me… That’s very thoughtful of Peyton! – Anastasia said. Each season start, the players had access to a bunch of the team merchandise and Mandy always send boxes full of it to her friends and family, all of them with Peyton’s name and number on the back, 26, Mandy’s day and month of birth, 2nd of June.

-          Peyton is a huge Chili Peppers fan. He lost his shit at the shows in LA and now he wants to be Josh’s best friend so he said “yes!” the moment I asked him to prepare Josh a merch box.

-          Marry that guy.

-          If he asks!

-          Would you really marry him?

-          We turn seven years together this year and three living together, I’m already married – The two laughed.

-          Man, everybody is getting married.

-          Who else?

-          Mark is going to propose to Steph!

-          About damn time! – She smiled she knew also about the amazing relationship those two had – Don’t tell me you want to get married now – Mandy gave a though look to her friend.

-          You know I don’t believe in marriage.

-          Until Josh changes your mind – Anastasia didn’t answer.

 Both friends watched as many episodes as they could of RuPaul’s Drag Race that day until it was time to get ready for the game. Josh picked them up at An’s house; last time she was inside Josh’s car she was his official girlfriend so it was a weird situation now, she tried not to think about it more than she should.

 -          We got to pick Kelly up on the way – Josh said – Thank you for all the amazing Dodgers stuff you sent me – He looked at Mandy through the rear view mirror inside the car.

-          Thank Peyton, the guy loves you – Mandy said looking back at Josh – You’re wearing the hoodie! – She looked at Anastasia then and both shared a small laugh.

-          It’s amazing! – It was dark blue with the LA Dodgers logo in front printed in silver.

-          I love it – Anastasia laughed some more. Yes, she was definitely going to steal it.

-          Eric and Nick are already at the stadium – Mandy said reading a message on her phone.

 Anastasia took her cap and the black one Josh was wearing, and put them in front of the windshield to take a picture and Instagram it. They picked Kelly up, who was dressed properly with a Dodgers tee also, and Josh drove to the stadium.

 -          I want one of those Dodgers x Hello Kitty tee shirts! They are so cute! – Kelly said leaving the car.

-          I’ll find you one – Mandy was used to that - If Peyton played for the Royals my house would not be so full of shit every season start.

-          Thank God he plays for the Dodgers and we can keep all the shit that you have in your house – Nick said taking a seat behind home, they had a great view.

-          Like we couldn’t afford it – Mandy talked again.

 Josh sat in the middle, next to Eric, Nick and Kelly, Mandy and Anastasia sat on the other side, leaving An next to Josh.

 -          I have to take a picture – Mandy, who was the first in the line, said – Everybody try to fit the screen and scream “Mandy is the best friend”!

-          Can you take one with my phone too? – Josh asked her and handed her his phone. Mandy took it while they said “Mandy is the best friend” like idiots.

-          We should get some beer before the game starts – Eric said getting up from his seat.

-          Where are you going? – Mandy asked – We got a fucking waiter here.

-          What is up with your brother and pictures lately? – Anastasia whispered to Kelly so Josh couldn’t hear her.

-          I don’t know! He is posting all these things on Facebook! – Kelly said whispering too – But don’t worry, he never accepted Lauren’s friend request – She laughed.

-          Hi, Thomas! – Mandy said to the waiter and he greeted her back – Y’all want beer?

-          Yes! – Everyone answered at the same time.

-          So six beers for a start, Tom! – He wrote down the order and leave – They also have wine – Mandy told Anastasia and Kelly – But who the fuck drinks wine on a baseball game? Oh, right… the rest of the players’ girlfriends – She pointed to her left to a group of overdressed girls drinking wine and chatting, they all were wearing jewels too big and heels too high for a place like that – Never got along with them but I have to deal with those girls at every event we have to attend! – She was talking about her and Peyton – I think I’m the only one that makes her own money and doesn’t depend on my athlete boyfriend – She, Anastasia and Kelly shared a laugh.

-          Shade! – Anastasia said to Mandy as a reference to RuPaul’s Drag Race and Josh looked at her – We’ve been watching RuPaul’s Drag Race the whole day and all they say is so catchy! – She told him.

-          Take a selfie with me – Josh asked An.

-          You’ve been fucking annoying with the picture taking lately and I never thought I would say that to you – He laughed.

-          Before the game starts and the beer arrives – He said taking the snap. He gave her a kiss on the lips after that and Anastasia’s face might have showed her embarrassment because Nick had to speak.

-          Don’t put that face. We all know you two are fucking again! – Nick said and everyone laughed.

-          Don’t worry, we won’t judge! – Eric said this time and that was a huge relief for Anastasia. Josh wasn’t hiding at all, but after everything that happened An thought her friends wouldn’t support this weird thing she had we Josh, so hearing that made her calm about it.

-          He still has a girlfriend, though! – Anastasia said joking and Josh laughed.

-          Dude! She just murdered you! – Eric said laughing too.

 They had the greatest of times at the game. Anastasia and Josh loved baseball so much. He was gladly shocked hearing An talking about game’s givens and players’ information, the girl knew her thing, she did her homework and he just listened closely to every little thing she said. Long story short, the Dodgers won 8-3 over the Padres. It was pure happiness for all.

 -          Thank God they won, I was afraid we would have to kick Peyton out of this family – Nick said walking back to the parking lot after the game.

-          Poor thing – Anastasia laughed – At least he gave us four runs!

-          Gotta love Peyton – Nick talked again.

-          I’m not ready to go home yet – Eric said – Let’s go to a bar! Hannah is working until late tonight so I have literally nothing else to do.

-          Good thing for you we are all free also – Josh talked.

-          Let’s go to that place we discovered downtown! It’s a sport bar now that we are in this athletic mood – Kelly said to Josh.

-          Yeah, that place is cool and relaxed – Josh said and Anastasia noticed his phone was buzzing on his hand because the screen lit up.

-          Cool! Let me text Mandy where we’re going so she can catch up with us – Anastasia said. Mandy went straight to the dressing rooms after the game, to meet Peyton. It was a normal thing for the players’ girlfriends to do. Josh phone buzzed again, An knew it was Lauren because he didn’t answer her when he was with a group of people.

 The bar was cool and it wasn’t crowed, it was a great place so they could keep drinking beer and even have burgers. Mandy arrived with Peyton an hour later and everyone congratulated him. He was such a humble and shy guy so he thanked the compliments looking to the floor and smiling lightly. Mandy just kept hugging him, she was so in love. They met when she was in college studying music, he was starting in business school but eventually dropped out when baseball consumed all his time. Both are glad he made that decision because his career in sports was filled with nothing but success.

 -          I already thanked Mandy but I have to thank you for the box I got – Josh said to Peyton while grabbing his phone from his pocket, the screen was showing an incoming call.

-          You’re welcome! – Peyton said – It was the least I could do after those amazing shows at the Staples!

-          Josh is also a huge Yankees fan. I would say more than the Dodgers – Anastasia said and Josh was being called again.

-          Man, I always wanted to play for the Yankees! That’s my ultimate goal! – Peyton said.

-          We’re gonna be best friends. I can feel it – Josh said while the rest shared a laugh – Please excuse me, but I have to take this call – He left the table and walked out the bar.

 Mandy looked at Anastasia knowing that it was Lauren calling. Anastasia looked back at her friend, agreeing with her, using that mind reading power they both had. Josh took a long time outside, Anastasia didn’t count but almost an hour; she then saw him calling her through one of the windows beckoning her to come outside.

 -          I need to talk and calm down before going back in again – Josh said to Anastasia while visibly angry.

-          What happened? – She asked in a low tone.

-          Lauren just threw the biggest drama at me and I know you aren’t the best person to talk about this with, but it involves you and I’m so ashamed of it – He said still angry – Someway, somehow she saw the pictures I posted of you on my Facebook and some posts on your Instagram. She even saw the ones we posted today while at the game. She sent me the picture with the baseball caps you posted and told me “I know that’s your car” – He mocked Lauren’s voice.

-          What?! – Anastasia couldn’t believe it – Josh, my Instagram profile is private. How did she get access to it?

-          I don’t know, maybe you have someone who is following you that knows her? – He asked – Maybe some of the pop stars you have worked for?

-          Mmm… I don’t want to sound mean but the people I have worked with are on a much higher level than Lauren is and I’m one hundred percent sure they don’t even know who the hell she is – She thought that Josh was going to burst with wrath but instead he gave her a half smile – What about you? You don’t have her on Facebook.

-          No, I don’t – Josh said hitting the air.

-          Maybe she hacked us – Anastasia said – There are ways to see private profiles on social media – Josh gave her a questionable look – According to Mandy, she is kind of a stalker sometimes.

-          Lauren is not that bright to hack anything – Josh said.

-          Maybe she hired a hacker.

-          She can’t afford a hacker.

-          Maybe she didn’t pay him with money – Anastasia shut her mouth when she saw Josh angry again – Sorry, I’m talking without thinking – Josh looked to the floor, he didn’t said a thing but she felt he was proving her right, not sure if it was about the hacker part of the “Lauren is a whore” part.

-          She sent me all the pictures, screen shots, everything, even some comments.

-          I told you this was going to get you in trouble.

-          Yeah, but… the thing is that this is such a teenager drama. Do you know what I mean?

-          It’s normal for her to feel jealous – Anastasia said once Josh was more calmed – She is new on this business. She probably doesn’t understand the fact that you have to hang out with someone so hot like me miles away from where she is – Josh gave her a full smile this time.

-          Well… she is right in being jealous, isn’t she? – Josh hugged Anastasia – After all we are actually having an affair.

-          You are having an affair – Anastasia said breaking the hug and laughing – I’m single. I can be with whoever I want – Josh laughed too.

-          She sent me this photo – Josh showed her his phone and a picture she posted on Instagram weeks ago of the two of them on a rooftop in New York, back them when they were there shooting the Go Robot video, when everything started – It’s a beautiful photo.

-          Barbara took that picture. You started to post everything you wanted so I did the same – She excused herself.

-          Sometimes I wish I could go back to that night in New York – Josh said – I screwed everything up, I know. But I need you to give me time, please – He hugged her again – Don’t walk away from me, please – He sounded like he was begging her.

-          Josh…Let’s just live one day at a time – She answered afraid of Josh’s attitude and hugging him too, and then she felt Josh’s lips on her forehead – We should go back.

 They entered the bar again where their friends where having a deep conversation about why California was the best and the worst place in the world at the same time. Mandy turned her head to look at them.

 -          Everything’s fine? – The pink haired girl asked. Anastasia and Josh looked at each other and shared a smile.

-          Everything’s perfect – Josh answered.

Read chapter 35

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 35: Richard

Hello everyone! Her I am again, as every Thursday. I’m so in love with today’s chapter! Y’all can even imagine. 

I wanna say thanks for the huge suppor I received after last week’s words. You all are angels sent by the Universe to make me happy!

Remember to check Anastasia’s Instagram that is on fire:

Anastasia_Truman  ❤️️

Thanks to everyone who reads the fic, much love to you all! ♥

Read chapter 34

 -          I’m so tired of this week-on-week-off thing – Josh told Anastasia on the bus on the way to Pittsburg, as he laid his head on her lap, while she was playing with his hair.

-          Yeah. I know what you mean – Mandy spoke from the couch in front of them. Nick and Eric were there also.

-          It’s like you get used to the touring routine and then it’s cut down and then you get used to the home routine and it’s also cut down – Anastasia told them.

-          I never thought we were going to be here at this point of the tour – Eric said.

-          None of us – Josh said smiling and looking into An’s eyes – But the crew love you all so much and people like to see you onstage so…

-          It has been an incredible experience so far, though – Mandy talked again.

-          It’s been a dream come true – Nick said this time.

-          Aw! That was the sweetest thing you could ever fucking say – Anastasia said while everyone was laughing.

-          I’m working on my sweet side – Nick said smiling.

-          Work a little harder – Mandy said.

 The group was trying hard to kill time on the road, they packed the tour bus with a great videogame system, they spent time listening to music, Anastasia was having a big inspirational streak at writing and Mandy consumed her time watching Drag Queen makeup tutorials on Youtube, since she was the makeup artist of the band. Josh and Anastasia kept sharing glances during the whole trip, she knew that as soon as they’d arrive and people or crew started to gather around they were going to be back to friends mode, it was a new situation for her but somehow it wasn’t bothering her, she was even enjoying it.

Tiredness was a real issue and it was starting to show on everybody. They’d been touring for almost a year and people (especially Josh) were starting to get angry about everything and anything. Sometimes he didn’t measure the words out of his mouth and, even if he didn’t meant to, he was starting to treat people around him in not the nicest way. He wasn’t the only one, Flea and Anthony retraced themselves in such a way that none left their dressing rooms, backstage. Chad, on the other hand, was always Chad, he always had a good laugh to share and a joke to make.

One night, in Louisville, Mandy and Anastasia were having a total girl’s night wearing onesies, doing facials, eating pizza, drinking champagne (the best combination) and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race again; they were obsessed with the show. Just the two of them; like the old times. Anastasia loved spending time like that with Mandy.

-          I think if I were a drag queen my name would be “Pussy Galore” – Anastasia said sipping from her glass.

-          Oh my God! I love it! – Mandy said.

-          She would be a retired super model – Anastasia got up from the bed – From the 90’s. She used to hang out with Kate, Claudia and Linda and maybe – she walked to the window – she received a phone hit from Naomi, but she got over it now. She would have that Versace catwalk sass – She started to walk as if the room were a runway, making exaggerated poses.

-          Love that Versace sass – Mandy said while she started to clap and laugh at the same time – Pussy Galore will need a lot of padding, since you are British and God didn’t help you in that area.

-          Are you reading me? – Anastasia said turning around and looking her from her back.

-          The library is open, baby – Mandy was making a reference to one of the segments of the show – She would wear designer clothes.

-          Only big brands. Moschino – Anastasia said – And Versace, of course – This time both friends talked at the same time. Anastasia throw herself at the bed again and they both laughed. In that moment Anastasia’s phone rang and Josh’s picture appeared on the screen, he was calling. Mandy looked at her friend suspiciously – I’m gonna put him on speaker but don’t talk!

-          Hey! – Josh’s voice could be heard – What are you doing?

-          I’m having a girl’s night with Mandy and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race while I pretend I am one of them.

-          Weird, but coming from you it’s perfectly normal – He said – Is there a way you can skip that and come to my room? I got wine.

-          Mmm – The two friends shared a glance – No, Josh. Not tonight. I already told you that I’m with Mandy and we’re already drinking champagne.

-          Are you serious? – He asked and Mandy opened her mouth shocked.

-          Dead serious – Anastasia was mad he asked that.

-          Come on, An! – He said – I know you want to. Come over! – He said raising his voice - I’ll fuck you like I did in Miami.

-          I think I’m missing some kind of cue here – Anastasia was really angry at that point – I’m not some kind of mistress you call to have sex like that, Josh. What the fuck?

-          Fine! – He hung up the call.

-          Good luck with the hand, bro! – Mandy was laughing – What was that? – Mandy asked.

-          A booty call?

-          A sassy booty call, as we say in Drag Race.

-          I feel offended.

-          I’m offended too. Who does he thinks you are? His sex doll?

-          I mean, that’s basically what we have. Our relationship is based on sex, at the moment; but for him to call me the way he did, I don’t know. It was uncomfortable, awkward.

-          Forget about it, let’s continue to watch our queens, they don’t hurt us like boys do – Mandy said to her friend. But as much as that Anastasia tried, she couldn’t shake that weird feeling off her.

 She tried to sleep that night but Josh’s voice didn’t leave her mind alone. She kept hearing that phone call over and over and over again. He treated her like she was some kind of score girl that was going to be ready for sex whenever he wanted. She can understand that he was tired and angry about the tour but that didn’t give him the right to refer to her that way. In her opinion, he minimized her and she wasn’t going to allow that. Not now, not never, especially not him. If she agreed to have this relationship with Josh, where she clearly was the side chick, it was going to be under her rules, and if she didn’t feel like being with him she wasn’t going to.

“How ironic”, she thought; she went from being the girlfriend to being the other woman in less than a year. There was no point in trying, she couldn’t sleep that night. Thank the Universe next day was off and she decided to spend the whole day in bed. Josh’s attitude the night before still bothered her, so at noon she had a shower, got dressed and went straight to Josh’s room. When he opened the door she could tell he had been sleeping the entire day too, his face was bloated and his eyes were red, she knew right there that he drank that wine last night, after all.

 -          I was sleeping – He said at the door – But come in.

-          Yeah. I can tell – She entered the room – Can you tell me what the fuck was going through your mind last night? – She asked turning to be in front of him.

-          I know… Sorry – Josh said walking to the bedroom.

-          Josh, I’m not a fucking prostitute – She followed him.

-          I just had a rough day and I wanted to be with you – He said getting back into the bed – Maybe the words I used weren’t the right ones. I’m sorry – He was grabbed the sheets and blankets and covered himself up to his neck.

-          I’m so angry right now. It seems you’re just ignoring me – Anastasia was just standing there – It’s obvious I’m interrupting your rest, I’ll leave.

-          No! – Josh jumped out of bed and got on his knees over the mattress – Stay. I’m not ignoring you. I’m just tired.

-          I’m tired too… - Anastasia said.

-          Come here, lay with me – Josh said opening his arms – We’ll watch one of those documentaries on Netflix that will make us feel bad about ourselves for a couple of days. We’ll have room service – The smile on Josh’s face was something hard to resist.

 Anastasia just nodded with her head and went straight to him. He hugged her and helped her to get in bed with him. He took his laptop to put Netflix on and they decided to watch a documentary about vegans and how animals were murdered to make food. She loved that, days like those when doing nothing was the norm. She turned her face to see Josh and he was watching the screen of his notebook with the covers up to his neck, he looked so incredible cute, she looked at his jaw line, the thing she liked most, his small brown but bright eyes, his nose that he hated, she liked every inch of it. She got closer and kissed him on the cheek; he turned and looked at her smiling.

 -          What was that for? – He asked smiling still. How she loved that smile.

-          I don’t need a reason to give you a kiss – She said.

-          Good to know – He put an arm around her shoulders and pushed her to him. She rested her head on his chest and kept watching the documentary.

-          Are we clear that this isn’t going to stop me from eating meat? – She said – Yes, the thing is terrible but… dude. I can’t live without meat.

-          You just read my mind – He said.

 Before the documentary ended, both fell asleep in a hug.

Next morning, Anastasia woke up with an arm around her waist and turned her body to see Josh in front of her opening his eyes also, but she had the feeling he’s been awake for a couple of minutes. She just stared into his eyes, looked to his soul and realized the she loved that guy so much, but she needed to put distance between them if she wanted to maintain the relationship the way it was. Truth was she was falling again and falling hard, and she couldn’t afford to go deep in love with Josh again, not at the moment, not knowing that maybe in a couple of weeks he was going to be sleeping with another woman in his bed.

 -          Waking up next to you is the best way to start the day – He said making what Anastasia was about to say even harder to say.

-          Josh – She smiled – I’ve been sleeping next to you almost every night on this leg of the tour – He smiled – And I don’t think it’s healthy for my mental stability – His smile disappeared.

-          What you mean? – He asked.

-          I like what we have now. No attachments, no responsibilities. But the truth is that we used to have a relationship, a serious one, and I loved you with all my heart, and then I thought that I was over that but I wasn’t, I still love you and I can’t do it. Not with this depth and this devotion – Anastasia sat on the bed – Lauren is going to LA to be with you, and then what am I gonna do? – He looked away from her – I’m not cutting this off, I’m just saying that it’s better for me if I have some space.

-          You’re right – Josh said looking into her eyes again – I’m sorry.

-          Don’t be sorry. I know what I was getting into and as I said I’m not ending this, it’s just that I think it’s better if I share some nights with Mandy and maybe go out with the boys, not devoting myself to you as the way I’m doing it right now. I need to know that I’m gonna be ok without you also.

-          But don’t walk away from me – There it was again, that plead. Josh pronounced these words with fear on his voice.

-          Believe me when I say that I couldn’t even if I wanted to – She leaned over him and gave him a small kiss on his lips, he smiled afterwards – I’m going to my room and get ready to go to the venue. See you there!

-          Wait – He grabbed her right arm and pushed her back to him and gave her a much more passionate kiss.

 That tour leg was being quite boring but the shows came out really good even though the crowd in most cities didn’t even know who Dead Curse was. They ended up in Canada, where they performed in Winnipeg, Edmonton and Calgary. Winnipeg went light, but in Edmonton Anthony decided to go around the city with Flea, Josh, Carl and some crew guys. Anastasia, Mandy and Eric decided to join them and it was quite a revolution of people filming them and taking pictures; they went to the farmers market and then had lunch at a Mexican place. Apparently, Mexican food was becoming the norm at the tour.

Despite the bunch of pictures that appeared on the web and that really bothered Josh, the last shows were the best of that part of the tour. Anastasia was keeping her word and didn’t spend much time in Josh’s room, instead, she went shopping with Mandy in Kansas City and went to have a couple of drinks with Eric, Nick and some crew people. They were the best guys she had worked on a tour ever so it wasn’t hard to make time to spend with them.

Then it was time to take another plain to go back home. She needed it, she needed to sleep in her bed and restore her body and soul.

 -          I won’t leave my bed in three days – Anastasia told Mandy during the flight.

 At that moment, her phone made a short sound to alert her she had a new message: “Call me when you’re in LA. You are going to love me”, it was from her brother Mark. She waited to be home and after a bath she called him back.

 -          I already love you but if I’m going to love you more I’m interested – An said when Mark picked up the phone.

-          I have two pieces of news for you – Mark said – First, Steph said yes…

-          Well, duh! – She said after a laugh – I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU AND STEPH! – She screamed through her smartphone. What’s the other one?

-          I’ve been working in the studio with your favorite band since you were sixteen…

-          Oh my God! The Genius Sex Poets? – She opened her eyes big like plates.

-          That’s right! – Mark said laughing.

-          Why didn’t you tell me anything?

-          Because you were going to be busy and wouldn’t have time to be at the studio – Mark answered – Thing is, they are going to film the video for their first single this weekend in Las Vegas and Richard saw a picture of you on my Instagram profile and he wants you to appear on it.

-          Richard fucking Austin? – Anastasia asked incredulous – Shut up, Mark! You’re joking!

-          I’m not! – He said laughing.

-          He has been my platonic love since I was a teenager!

-          I know. I took you to their concerts.

-          I love them so much!

-          The new record sounds amazing!

-          Can’t wait to hear it.

-          So… what do I say to Richard?

-          Say hell yeah! – She heard her brother laughing hard on the phone.

-          We’ll leave to Vegas this Thursday.

 She couldn’t believe it! She wasn’t a person that idolized other people, but The Genius Sex Poets always had a place in her heart. They played rock music with a couple of synthesizers and made some of the catchiest songs she ever heard; they were amazing on record and even better live. Richard Austin was the front man, the lead singer, and he had this amazingly arrogant stage persona that melted her heart every time she saw them in concert, so sure of himself, cocky, his eyes were light brown as his hair, all sleek to the back. He wasn’t tall but his smile could light up the city were they came from: Las Vegas. She used to have a huge poster with his face in her room when she was a teenager, they were definitely one of her favorite bands in life.

That was perfect, because Lauren was already in town with Josh and this was the ideal plan for her to keep her mind busy and not even think about those two. She was feeling strange about it, she thought she was going to feel depressed and full of rage by Josh being with her those weeks, but in reality she was pretty laid back about it. She had a knot in her stomach but it wasn’t as heavy as other times before.

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 31: I’ll post whatever I want

Hey everyone! I’m so sorry I couldn’t upload last Thrusday, there’s too much goin on right now but here it is!! Chapter 31!

Read chapter 30

-          I missed your lip biting thing – Josh said to Anastasia while walking through a Venice square, on the way to the restaurant where a big lunch was going to be held.

-          I missed your guitarist fingers – Anastasia said back to him, a little bit flushed.

-          Are you blushing? – Josh asked laughing.

-          No, I’m not. It’s the heat – Anastasia lied. It was actually very hot outside in that city and Anastasia had to choose a light outfit, a grey flower-printed crop top with a low cleavage, a pair of baby blue jeans, grey oxfords on her feet and a grey, wide-brim fedora.

-          You look amazing, by the way – Josh said to her once again – Well, you always do. Even when dressing so sensual you have such a taste…

-          Thank you – Anastasia said – Are you adulating me because I gave you the best sex of your life last night? – Josh laughed.

-          The Anastasia I know is back. I’m adulating you because you’ve given me the best sex of my life in general – This was getting weird for Anastasia.

-          Josh… - She didn’t know if she should ask about his girlfriend. She actually didn’t want neither if it was going to break the spell. It was obvious they were together but she wanted to know if this was just a one night stand or something more. At the same time she didn’t want it to be something more, she couldn’t go through that again – Never mind.

-          No, tell me.

-          Don’t worry, we are already here – She said looking at the whole travel crew sitting at a large table in the restaurant’s balcony.

They made their way there and Anastasia had a glimpse of the place, it was beautiful. You could see the ocean from the balcony and the boats riding in the back. She chose a chair next to Barbara and in front of Mandy, while Josh sat a little bit away, next to Flea. She felt Barb and Mandy’s keen eyes, so she smiled at them with a funny grin. She then could see Mandy moving her lips to her forming the words “Fuck you”, Anastasia laughed.

Lunch was amazing, everybody there got along so well. They all had crazy conversation topics, they talked about life on tour and making music, they even talked about the old times when Anthony and Barbara were a mess, way before Anastasia moved to LA, then Anthony mentioned when An moved and everything changed for Barbara, but in a good sense and how Barbara took her to almost every concert she could. An was feeling good, so well. Better than the last months. She even stopped thinking about Josh’s girlfriend; suddenly she wasn’t worried about it anymore. She was enjoying that moment, right there without any obstacles.

After lunch everybody was up for a walk, they needed it because they all ate so much pasta. They visited the magnificent Piazza San Marco, then went to the Basilica, walked through small streets and visited some local stores and then everybody wanted to do some boat rides on the Grand Canal. But Josh had some other plans.

 -          What do you say if we skip the boat ride and go for gelato? – He asked to Anastasia almost whispering in her ear.

-          You know I’m always down for gelato – She answered smiling.

 She excused herself to the group saying she was feeling a little bit sick for a boat ride, and they both walked away from them. Then they arrived to a place called Boutique del Gelato, which was pretty famous in the city.

 -          The people at the hotel recommend it – Josh told Anastasia – And I know how much you love it, so I wanted to bring you here.

-          I want lemon and pistachio – Anastasia ordered.

-          What? That’s the weirdest mix ever! – Josh laughed.

-          Oh, I’m sure you are going to ask for something basic like chocolate and vanilla – Anastasia mocked him.

-          No… I’m going to order chocolate and… strawberry – Josh laughed and Anastasia joined him – I’m joking, I want hazelnut and Stracciatella.

-          Uh! Fancy! – Anastasia said.

-          The occasion warrants it, after all I'm with one of the fanciest people I know – He said.

-          Ok. Stop it, Josh – Anastasia said rolling her eyes.

-          And I’ll pay for it – Josh warned her – It’s your birthday weekend.

-          That makes me feel guilty – Anastasia said – I don’t like people paying for my stuff.

-          You are impossible – He said rolling his eyes but with a smile on his face.

 They ate their gelatos while walking around. Watching the city, avoiding the places with bad smell and just enjoying each other’s company. It was like the old days, even before they were a couple. She felt so good at that moment; she forgot everything he did, even if that was possible. It was the same old Josh, the one she met at Eric’s birthday party all those years ago.

At one moment she got lost with the view, the Venice canals opening to the ocean and then she heard a camera click at her back. She turned around fast and Josh was holding his phone and laughing.

 -          What are you doing? – She asked very confused.

-          Taking a picture – He said smiling like a dumbass.

-          Of me? – She asked again.

-          Well, you were on the way – He answered – But look, it’s beautiful – He showed her the photo and indeed it was a gorgeous picture. It showed her from the back looking at the horizon – Come here, let’s take a picture together.

-          Oh… that’s weird – She said smiling.

 Josh got close to her and they took a selfie with the Venetian landscape in the back.

 -          Look at you taking selfies! – Anastasia said mocking him.

-          Stop – He laughed – Gonna post this – Anastasia’s heart stopped.

-          Where? – She asked – Where are you gonna post it?

-          On Facebook, it’s the only social media I use – He said using his phone and she thought it was time to bring it up.

-          Josh, don’t! You have a girlfriend! – She had to say it. His face changed from happiness to confusion.

-          First of all, I don’t have a girlfriend – He said and that shocked Anastasia – Second, I’ll post it wherever I want to – She was about to ask “What about Lauren?” but she decided not take it further.

 The flight back served as a thinking session for Anastasia. Josh denied Lauren without hesitation, and he was acting so friendly the whole weekend, he apologized for everything he did and he looked honest doing so. They even had sex, the wine had a lot to do over there, but the next morning there wasn’t a drop of shame or regret in that hotel room. It all felt so natural, like if they were longtime friends that liked each other. Surprisingly she wasn’t even confused, she had peace in her heart, she was happy, of course… and just like that Anastasia had her hopes up again.

 -          You need to tell me everything – Mandy took a seat in front of her at Anastasia’s booth on the plane, luckily this time Josh was far from them.

-          What can I tell you? – Anastasia smiled at her friend – We had dinner and then went back to his room, we had sex, we ate gelato and then he denied the fact that he has a girlfriend.

-          What?! – Mandy couldn’t scream because the plane was so quiet – Anastasia, did you sleep with him?

-          You didn’t realize that I didn’t sleep in our room?

-          No. I was drunk and there were two bedrooms, I thought you were inside. I can’t believe this… And he denied her?

-          He said she wasn’t his girlfriend.

-          Oh my God, An! – Mandy said – I don’t want to see you suffer, please, please, please, stay strong. You don’t deserve this, you deserve a man for you alone, a man that only loves you.

-          Don’t worry about it.

-          I’ll be here in the end, as usual. That’s my mission in this planet – Mandy said checking her phone and suddenly she had a surprised expression on her face – Look!

 Mandy handled Anastasia the phone and An saw the photos Josh published on Facebook, first the one where she was alone, and then the selfie he took of them. He wrote “I wish all my trips around the world were like this” on the description box. Both friends shared a glance.

 -          He doesn’t have her as a friend on Facebook – Mandy said – I stalked him – She said before Anastasia could ask – Look, there’s more!

 A video from An’s birthday party of  her singing No Scrubs with Kelly was there too, he captioned it “Two girls who won’t take no scrubs”, a bunch of his friends left comments like “I want your life” and “I can’t believe you hang out with someone as hot as Anastasia Truman”, that one made her feel good.

 -          Why is he posting all this? – Anastasia asked.

-          No idea – Mandy said.

-          He didn’t even do this when we were a couple.

-          It’s weird indeed – Mandy said – Aw, An! Be careful, please!

-          How was your weekend? – Anastasia changed the subject violently.

-          It was amazing! – Mandy answered with light in her eyes – I had so much fun with all the food and everyone. Josh stole you, but anyway.

-          People noticed? – Anastasia was ashamed now.

-          Oh yeah. Anthony didn’t stop making jokes about it – Mandy said – I’m going to sleep a little bit, try to do the same.

-          You know I don’t sleep on planes – Anastasia said.

-          TRY! – Mandy screamed ignoring the rest of the people that were actually sleeping.

 Anastasia was confused now; this wasn’t a normal attitude on Josh. She got up from her seat and tried to look out for Josh. She saw him at her right, he was awake and she could see the reflective light on his face from his notebook. She walked towards him, he took his headphones off and smiled at her, then moved to make some room so she could sit next to him.

 -          Don’t you think those Facebook posts are going to get you in trouble? – Anastasia asked.

-          I already told you that no – Josh answered rolling his eyes – They are great pictures and the world should see them.

-          And that video.

-          That video was hilarious – He said laughing – If it is such a big deal for you I’ll take them down.

-          No! It’s fine… for real – She said – Don’t worry. It’s just that you used to be so private.

-          I still am – He answered – And I know who I have on my Facebook page just like you know who follows you on your Instagram. You used to post pictures of me and of us, and I never had a problem with it. By the way, I noticed you never deleted them.

-          Why would I? It was a great moment in my life. I’m not a teenager, Josh…

 He just smiled and didn’t say anything back to that.

Back at her seat, she couldn’t help but to think about it. He wasn’t hiding her and she wasn’t sure if they were going to repeat what happened that weekend but right now she was happy, for real this time, for the first time in months, she was happy. Deep inside she knew it was a fake happiness but she didn’t mind it. All of her life she had to deal with anxiety and now she was ready to be better. Yes, Josh hurt her but also, she still had feelings for him and she could tell he still had feelings for her too. The way he made love to her the night before was filled with desire and passion. It didn’t feel like a stranger or a one night stand at all, it was two people in love giving themselves to each other.

Tour was about to start again and the future never looked so bright before her eyes.

Read chapter 32