#joni thrombey

[theonlypristine]

(source: joni thrombrey’s wiki page)

if they’d kept this scene in knives out

no one would’ve said that benoit “i ordered snail jelly moisturizer and it gave my sensitive skin a rash so now i’m suspicious of this company” blanc

was straight-coded/“not obviously gay enough”

i think rian johnson should reveal the bblanc skincare routine immediately

[filministic]

Knives Out (2019) dir. Rian Johnson

[gothicafish]

To all my knives out people:

I'm looking through names for a book I'm writing and did you know Marta means "Dame/lady of the house" ????

Sorry if I'm just realizing this now but there's so many cool little things about this movie :)

[cinefiliz]

Toni Collette is Annie Graham in Knives Out, 2019.

[sequenceofmind]

showing my mom knives out and i'm just gushing on about scream queens jamie lee and toni collette everytime they appear on screen

[imtryingandtired]

Thanksgiving at the Thrombeys

Harlan raising a glass: happy thanksgiving everyone-

Richard: nothing happy about it when the Dems have stolen yet another election-

Ransom: did you even go to vote this year? Or are you still on the DL after the FBI came to the house asking where you were January 6th-

Walt butting in: Ransom your parents didn’t raise you right-

Ransom: and your kid can’t wait to dump you in a nursing home to make you someone else’s problem!

Joni cutting in: oh it’s been so long since we’ve last seen each other-

Wanetta: which one of you is lesbian…?

Ransom: uh no one here I don’t think..?

Wanetta, sad: oh..

Jacob texting on his phone: Megs bisexual for attention.

Meg: Jacobs been selling adderall to his classmates at school

Donna: w h a t-

Ransom: not all that surprised-

Donna worriedly looking over at Linda: hey didn’t you take pain killers like 10 minutes ago?

Linda, pouring herself a full glass: it’s not w o r k i n g-

[witchywithwhiskey]

Hi! 💙

For your impromptu springtime ask game, I'd love to request Ransom Drysdale with smut prompt 3. “do you want them to hear you being such a slut?��

Thank you in advance! 💙

a scheme on a spring day

pairing: husband!ransom drysdale x female reader

warnings: 18+ content (minors dni!!!), smut, anal play/butt plug, anal sex (f receiving), vaginal fingering, creampie, choking, daddy kink, dirty talk, light degradation, light humiliation, praise kink, light bdsm, orgasm control, pet names (baby, baby girl), aftercare, fluff, light family angst, established relationship

word count: 1,800ish

a/n: hi hi thank you so much for sending in this prompt!! this turned out to be a little more angsty than i anticipated, but sometimes i just wanna smuggle Ransom away from his family and cuddle him—and this was my opportunity to live out that dream!! anyway, i hope you enjoy!! ♡

You knew better than to let your husband convince you to go along with one of his schemes, but Ransom Drysdale had a way of winning you over to his side. In fact, it took shockingly little convincing from Ransom to get you to go along with his idea to make a boring visit with his family more entertaining. 

But then, he was your husband, and you trusted him. Besides, you knew you’d get just as much enjoyment from his scheme as he did.

Eventually, anyway. 

Still, you couldn’t help but rue the moment you’d given in to Ransom’s idea when you walked into the Thrombey house desperately aware of the plug in your ass that shifted with every step you took.

From an outsider’s perspective, you knew you looked every bit the presentable wife on Ransom’s, wearing a pretty spring sundress with sandals. But you and your husband knew the extra accessory you’d worn, and it gave you just as much of a thrill as you were sure it gave Ransom to know what you were hiding beneath your skirt.

By the time you arrived at the Thrombey estate, you’d already soaked through your panties on the short ride over from the home you shared with Ransom. To make matters worse, you had to make small talk with Linda and Richard while worrying about your arousal dripping down your thighs.

Thankfully, Ransom kept his hand on your lower back, his touch having a steadying effect on you. That is, except when his palm occasionally dropped low to grope your ass, making you shoot him a warning glare when no one was looking. 

He ignored you, pretending to play the part of dutiful son and grandson. You were the only one who saw the way he gritted his teeth, making the muscle in his jaw pop, when Richard or Linda gushed over how you’d turned Ransom’s life around. How you’d finally been the one person to set him straight.

No matter how many times you tried to brush off the comments, telling them that Ransom had made himself a respectable man, they persisted. When you could tell it had become too much for Ransom—and you worried over the state of his teeth if he kept grinding them—you politely excused yourself and your husband from the conversation.

Before you could get roped into a sales pitch for Joni’s latest pyramid scheme, Ransom guided you to the back of the house and out onto the porch, though he didn’t stop there. When you set foot in the lush green lawn and turned your face up to the bright spring sunshine, something inside your chest loosened—which only reminded you of the plug wedged deep in your ass.

Ransom paused for only a moment to brush a kiss to your lips, a thank you for getting him away from his parents, and then he grabbed your hand and began tugging you toward the tree line that separated the lawn from the rest of the Thrombey estate. 

Behind the house, there were paths that meandered into the forest and Ransom led you down one of these until you were hidden in the trees. There, scattered along the forest floor were hundreds of small purple flowers, sprung up thanks to the spring rains. 

You admired the blooms as you walked behind Ransom, your husband picking his way carefully off the path and beneath the shade of a massive tree.

Turning to you, Ransom wrapped you up in his arms and kissed you again, a more thorough plundering of your mouth that had you moaning against his lips. Your knees went weak beneath you, but your husband’s strong arms held you up, your fingers digging into the soft wool of his sweater. 

When Ransom pulled away, he didn’t move far, his forehead pressing to yours and his deep breaths ghosting past your lips, making you crave him more. 

“You’ve been such a good girl for me, baby,” he murmured, squeezing you in his arms and pressing a quick kiss to your swollen lips. “I think it’s time daddy gives you a little treat for being so good.” Ransom bucked his hips against you so you could feel the bulge in his pants, making you moan again.

“Yes, please, daddy,” you cried, throwing your head back and baring your throat to Ransom’s hungry mouth. His trailed kisses down your neck, grinding his erection against your belly until both of you were desperate with desire.

Then, he turned you around and knelt behind you, pushing your dress up past your hips and baring your ass to him. He pulled your panties down your legs, ducking forward to sink his teeth into the plush softness of your ass, making you squeal loudly. 

“Ransom!” you admonished your husband, shooting him a look over your shoulder, though there was no real heat to your tone. Especially not when Ransom licked the bite mark he’d left, wringing a soft whimper from your lips.

“You know I can’t help myself when it comes to your ass, baby,” Ransom said, exactly zero repentance in his tone. You huffed a laugh, but the sound devolved into a low groan when your husband began to play with the plug in your ass, pulling it out and pushing it back in. “You’re such a good girl,” Ransom murmured, pressing kisses to the globes of your ass between his words, “Wearing this pretty little plug for daddy—now it’s time for your reward.”

With that, Ransom eased the plug from your tight hole, tucking it into his pocket while he pulled out a small bottle of lube. He spread more in your ass and on his cock when he pulled it free from his pants. Then he was helping you sit down on his lap, his cock sliding easily into your tightest hole.

You gasped and moaned, feeling Ransom’s cock stretch your ass even more than the plug. But wearing it had prepared you well enough that it didn’t hurt. You only felt the delicious fullness and pleasure of Ransom filling you up, moaning happily when your ass pressed flush against your husband’s thighs. 

Ransom leaned back against the tree you sat beneath, pulling you to recline against his chest, making it impossible for you to move. All you could do was sit in your husband’s lap, your ass impaled on his cock, your pussy dripping down between your legs and coating his balls while you enjoyed the warm spring day, the sweet scent of the purple flowers filling your nose and the breeze rustling the trees of the forest.

“Enjoying your treat, baby?” Ransom rumbled in your ear, a little bit of teasing in his tone that made you squirm. Both of you moaned as you shifted and Ransom’s big hands grabbed your thighs, spreading your legs wide open. “Such a filthy little slut, baby girl,” he groaned, cupping your pussy in his palm. You whined, trying to grind against him, but he spanked your cunt instead, making you cry out. “Soaking wet from taking daddy’s cock in your ass when we’re supposed to be spending time with my family.”

You didn’t have a chance to respond because Ransom shoved three of his fingers into your pussy, the intrusion feeling so much more overwhelming with his cock buried in your other hole. You screamed. Your back arching away from Ransom’s chest, your head falling back on his shoulder, and the piercing wail of your pleasure filling your ears and the forest around you.

Quick as lightning, Ransom’s other hand flew to your throat and he squeezed it tightly, cutting off the sound. “You’re going to have to be quiet, baby girl, unless you want them to hear you,” he growled in warning. 

But at the same time, Ransom’s fingers began fucking your pussy, plunging sloppily into your cunt, his palm slapping against your clit with every thrust. It was all you could do to shriek and squeal as pleasure consumed you.  

“Do you want them to hear you being such a slut?” Ransom taunted you, his words only making you writhe and squirm more on his cock. “Do you want them to find you like this—my cock buried in your sweet ass, my fingers fucking your tight cunt, and you unable to control yourself because you’re such a fucking slut for me?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you chanted, not even knowing if you were agreeing with your husband or simply urging him on. Your pleasure was building, coiling tight in your core, and you knew if he kept up his treatment of your body, you were going to come. “Please, daddy, please can I come?” 

“Already, baby girl?” Ransom teased, warmth in his tone. You whined your answer, pressing your throat into his hand and he chuckled. Your husband brushed a kiss to your cheek, fucking you harder with his fingers, grinding his palm against your clit every time they bottomed out in your cunt. “Go ahead, baby, come whenever you want.”

That was all you needed to tip you over the edge. Your screams of pleasure were stifled by Ransom’s hand around your throat, choking you hard enough that your entire being was reduced down to the feeling of his cock in your ass and his fingers in your cunt. Your orgasm was explosive, your body going tight and shaking through wave after wave of ecstasy.

Your husband grunted in your ear, and you knew from the way his cock throbbed in your tight hole that he was spilling himself deep in your body. A pleased smile curved your lips as you sagged back against his chest, letting the warmth of his come fill you with as much satisfaction as your release had.

Heaving a deep groan of relief, Ransom’s body relaxed beneath yours, his arms circling your waist and holding you tight against his body while he pressed butterfly kisses to your cheek, neck and shoulder. When he spoke, his voice was as soft as his kisses, a contrast to the rough way he’d fucked you.

“Thank you, baby,” he murmured against your skin. “I needed this today.”

You stroked his arms soothingly and turned your face so you could capture your husband’s lips in a gentle kiss. “I know, Ran,” you whispered when you pulled away. And you did. 

You knew how hard it was for Ransom to see his family. No matter how hard he tried, they still only saw him as the black sheep. In fact, marrying you was the only right thing he’d done in their eyes. 

It made days at the Thrombey house nearly unbearable, which was why you always went along with Ransom’s schemes to make it enjoyable for both of you. His ideas were often filthy and naughty, but they meant giving your husband the reassurance he needed to get through the day. 

So if you had to go along with a scheme on a spring day to help your husband, you were more than happy to do so—especially when it ended with the both of you smiling and content in each other’s arms.

[holylulusworld]

Entitled rich people

Summary: Your boyfriend and his family are the worst.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader, Ransom Drysdale x fem!Reader

Warning: snobbish rich people, cocky Bucky, running away with a stranger trope, a break-up

Your boyfriend and his family are the worst. Entitled rich people at their best. 

One moment they greet you sweetly, and the next they ask about your father’s business, and if the rumors are true.

To hell with rumors. Your father’s business was in trouble for a while, but he’s a smart and eloquent man.

He mastered the challenge and saved his company. But this doesn’t matter to people like Linda Drysdale.

If she finds a weak spot, she’ll hit you hard, and without mercy. 

“Oh, it’s so sweet of you to visit us with Ransom while your father’s business is in trouble. I thought you’d prefer helping your father,” Linda coos, her eyes set on you next to your boyfriend. 

“Business is fine,” you are your mother’s daughter, and never back down. Especially not in front of Linda Drysdale. “Sometimes the sea gets a little rougher, you know.” You flash her a perfect faked smile. “Luckily my father is a very good sailor and knows how to run his business. Unlike other people.” 

You dip your head to glance at Joni and her daughter. Two perfect examples of people who know how to live off the money of someone else. In their case, Harlan Thrombey. The only bearable member of this fucked up family.

“Sure, sure,” she waves your words off as if you are only an insect to her she can squish with her boot. “Your father knows best.” Linda sneers. “I hope he can save his business.”

“I think he already did.” You dip your head to look the man’s way. “Or so I heard. It was all over the news. Something about a fusion, and Miracle Inc. doing better than before.”

“Who asked you?” Linda’s nostrils flare, and she glares at the man daring to talk without her allowance. “I hired you for the garden, not to interrupt my conversation. People these days.”

“Right, people these days,” the cocky man mirrors her attitude. You chuckle. This guy doesn’t bow in front of Linda Drysdale, and it’s refreshing. “And you didn’t hire me for the garden.”

He steps closer, giving you a once-over while passing you by. He’s wearing black jeans, a matching black leather jacket and black boots. He looks like a bad boy, but his soft blue eyes tell you there is so much you don’t know about him…yet.

You glance in his way, waiting for him to say more. His voice is deep and rough. Something you like about a man.

“What? Of course, I hired you to take care of the garden. I remember our conversation,” she argues, but the stranger won’t have it.

“Lady, you didn’t hire me,” he points his index finger at her. “Your son,” the stranger now jerks his head toward Ransom standing next to you. Your boyfriend stiffens, and he shifts from one foot to the other, “came to my store, bought a bike, and never paid for it. I’m here to get either my money or the bike back.”

“You bought a bike like some vulture?” A gasp escapes Linda’s mouth. She stares at her son, shell-shocked at the news. “Y/N! Why didn’t you stop him? I knew you were trouble when Ransom brought you here for the first time. Before he met you, Ransom would’ve never done such a thing.”

“I’m not his mommy,” you huff, frustrated. “I have better things to do than watching your son’s every step. Unlike him, I got a job.”

“Because your daddy is bankrupt,” Ransom huffs, and pouts. He glares down at you, making sure you know your relationship just ended.

“No. Because my parents raised me right. They gave me roots, but freedom. I work because I want to make my own money, and not live off my trust fund. Which,” you grit your teeth, “by the way is way bigger than yours.”

“Back to the bike,” the stranger interrupts your break-up scene with Ransom. “Money, or my bike. Now!”

“I’ll call the cops. This is a home invasion,” Linda points at the stranger. “You better leave my house.”

“You better teach your son how to pay for the shit he buys,” the man grins. “Don’t you worry. I know where he parked my bike. The pretty boy fell off the bike the first time he tried to get on it.” The man chuckles now. 

“I want you to leave. Now.” Linda repeats. “Or I’ll call the cops.”

“Do it,” the man says. “We will see if you get away with stealing my bike.” He crosses his arms over his chest and quirks a brow. “I bet all your nice little friends would love to hear that your son is a thief.”

“No one will believe the likes of you,” she sneers and looks him up and down. “I’ll call my lawyer.”

“How about you call your lawyer, and I'll call mine,” he smirks. “If you want the public to know the Thrombey’s cannot pay their bills any longer.” 

You sigh deeply. “As much as I enjoyed this get-together, I’ll go home now. Ransom, lose my number.” The stranger looks at you when you throw Ransom an angry look. “Never call me again. I’m tired of being your arm candy, and to bear your family.”

“If you need a ride, I can help you out.” The man jerks his head toward the door. “It’d be my pleasure to offer my help to a lady in need.”

“Y/N,” you take his offered hand.

“James,” he says, eyes dropping to your hand in his. “You can call me Bucky, though.”

Bucky promised to drive you home, but he had to stop at this bike shop first. One of his partners called him on his way out of Harlan’s house.

“Y/N, this is Steve,” Bucky points at his friend. “He’s my partner and best friend.”

“Hey, what about me? I got the bike back!” Another man holds out his hand. “Name’s Brock, sweetness.”

“I hope you got it back in one piece,” Bucky jokes. “And no flirting with the lady.” He suddenly wraps his arm around your shoulders. “This one is mine…”

Tags in reblog.

[sosa2imagines]

Ooo since you said I could send in more suggestions I have one more if it’s all right!!🥰

Can I please request a Ransom Drysdale x fem!shy!reader where she’s his girlfriend and he’s bringing her to meet his family for the first time? They are not very welcoming to her as she isn’t wealthy like they are (like she has a normal job like being an elementary school teacher), and she’s a little bit younger than Ransom, so with all that they accuse her of being a “gold digger” because he buys are nice things and she lives in his penthouse (he just loves to spoil his girl) and make her cry? (Ransom would lose it omg)

Hey, I hope you like it, thank you so much for the ask.

Warning- Little angst, fluff, toxic family.

You nervously adjust the hem of your dress for the fifth time, glancing at Ransom as he pulls his vintage Beemer into the long driveway of the Thrombey estate.

The house looms ahead, a testament to the family’s old money and prestige. Your heart hammers in your chest, but Ransom’s warm hand finds yours, squeezing gently.

“Stop worrying,” he says, his tone laced with his trademark confidence. “They’ll hate you no matter what, so just sit back and enjoy the ride.”

You glance at Ransom's unwavering confidence, the smirk on his face adding to his roguish charm. Despite his words being intended to reassure you, they only serve to twist your stomach into knots. “That’s not reassuring,” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

Ransom chuckles, leaning over to brush a kiss against your temple. “Relax, cupcake. You’re with me. They can’t touch you.” He’s trying to make you feel better, but the knot in your stomach tightens as you step out of the car and into the house.

As you step into the Thrombey estate alongside Ransom, the weight of the house's age and wealth hangs heavily in the air. The opulence is overwhelming, making you feel even more out of place. Ransom's hand finds the small of your back, a warm and reassuring presence amid the sea of strange faces.

The inside is as intimidating as the outside, old wood, grand staircases, and a suffocating air of wealth and judgment. The moment you walk in, all eyes are on you.

“Ransom,” his mother, Linda, greets, her sharp gaze flickering over you like she’s already made up her mind. “And this must be…?”

“This is my girlfriend,” Ransom announces, his arm slipping around your waist protectively. His tone is firm, daring anyone to challenge him.

Linda’s smile is polite but cold. “Welcome,” she says, though it sounds more like a warning than an invitation.

As the introductions go on, you feel the weight of their judgement. Joni compliments your dress, but her voice is dripping with honeyed poison. Walt's handshake is a weak and dismissive gesture, and even Meg seems reluctant to fully acknowledge you.

In a room filled with cold glances and thinly veiled disdain, only Harlan’s smile feels genuine. He looks at you, his eyes sparkling with warmth and approval.

“So you’re the one who’s managed to tame my grandson,” he says, a touch of amusement lighting up his face. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“Thank you,” you say softly, his kindness like a lifeline in the sea of cold stares.

Ransom rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “She’s not taming me, Gramps,” he responds, his hand rubbing comforting circles on your back. “She’s just making me tolerable.”

Dinner is where it all falls apart.

“So, what do you do?” Linda asks, her tone deceptively casual.

“I’m an elementary school teacher,” you reply, trying to keep your voice steady.

Linda's eyes narrow at your answer, her lips curving into a sneer.

“An elementary school teacher,” she repeats, her tone dripping with condescension. “How admirable.”

Ransom stiffens beside you, his hand gripping yours under the table. Your heart sinks a little as you see the flicker of judgement in his family's eyes.

“How noble,” Joni coos, her eyes gleaming with thinly veiled disdain. “It must be such a challenge, you know, financially.”

“I manage…” you say quietly, feeling smaller with every passing second.

Joni's saccharine words feel like a blow to your already frayed nerves. “Oh, I can imagine,” she says with a mock gasp. “It must be so hard, living on such a pitiful salary.”

Ransom's hand tightens around yours, a wordless message of support amid the mounting pressure.

“But Ransom must help, right?” Walt chimes in, his smile more predatory than kind. “Living in his penthouse, the shopping sprees…he really spoils you, doesn’t he?”

Your cheeks burn as you glance at Ransom for support, but his jaw is already tightening.

“She’s not with me for my money, if that’s what you’re implying,” Ransom says, his voice a low warning.

“Of course not,” Linda says with a forced laugh. “But it’s…an adjustment, isn’t it? Coming from such different worlds.”

The tension is palpable. You try to deflect, be polite, but the comments keep coming.

“She’s so much younger than you, Ransom,” Joni adds with a pointed look. “It’s sweet, really. Youthful innocence.”

The implication stings, and you feel the tears prickling at your eyes.

“Enough,” Ransom snaps, his voice loud enough to make everyone fall silent.

“Ransom, we’re just…” Linda starts, but he cuts her off.

“No, you’re just being the insufferable assholes you always are!” he spits, his blue eyes blazing. “She’s ten times the person any of you will ever be, and if you can’t see that, then you can eat shit!”

“Ransom!” Linda gasps, her face pale with shock.

“No, I’m serious,” he continues, his voice dripping with disdain. “Eat shit, Linda! Eat shit, Joni! Hell, eat shit, Walt! You’ve all been waiting for a chance to tear her down, but you know what? She’s better than this circus, and we’re leaving.”

He stands, pulling you gently to your feet. His touch is firm but tender, his anger dissipating the moment he looks at you.

Ransom's arm around your waist remains strong and protective, a silent testament to his loyalty to you. He seems unfazed by the family's coldness, his gaze fixed defiantly, almost daring any of them to cross a line.

Harlan speaks up as you’re leaving. “Ransom,” he calls out, his voice calm but resolute. “Take care of her. She’s a keeper.”

Ransom glances back at his grandfather, a flicker of gratitude in his eyes, before leading you out the door.

Once you’re outside, he stops, turning to you. His hands cradle your face as he studies you with uncharacteristic softness. “Hey,” he murmurs. “Don’t let them get to you. They’re vultures, and they don’t deserve you.”

“I’m sorry…” you whisper, tears spilling over.

“For what? Being perfect?” He wipes your tears away with his thumb. “Cupcake, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Screw them, they can eat shit!”

You manage a small smile, and he pulls you into his arms.

“Come on,” he says, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Let’s go home. I’ll order your favorite takeout, and we’ll forget they even exist.”

With Ransom, you know he’ll always have your back, no matter how hard the world, or his family, tries to tear you down.

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[steviebbboi]

Oh so angry! Looks like Ransom’s just decided your punishment and is ready to enact it. What did you do??

Gif source

A/N: Okay, OKAY, twist my arm! I didn't think this would be a whole ficlet but hereeee we are. Thank @bigtreefest for this hot lil number 🙂‍↕️

Disclaimer(s): This is an 18+ fic only (MINORS DNI). You are responsible for the content that you consume, please be mindful!

Warning(s): daddy/princess kink, praise kink, softDom!Ransom, spanking involved, protective and posessiveness from Ransom, maybe some naivety from the reader but their relationship is consensual and genuine, and a shitty Linda (ofc). Some mild degradation and explicit details of smut, and implied smut.

Word count: 1.8k~

Divider by @firefly-graphics <3

Ransom started giving you that look. The look that lets you know that you’ve pushed him too far. You were coming from another tyrannical Thrombey family dinner when your usual calm demeanor started to crack. All facilitated by one comment made by Linda.

“Ransom, you���re not serious about this harlot, are you?” 

You suppose that you should have been grateful that she had at least waited for you to be out of hearing distance, but her poor timing had resulted in you walking back into the parlor right about when she called you a harlot. 

The silence in the room as the rest of the family turned to look at you had been deafening. You also couldn’t help the grimace that took over your face once you saw all of their eyes on you (she didn’t exactly make it unknown that she didn’t like you but you just never expected for the facade to break). 

But it wasn’t really the comment made by Linda that ate at you. It was Ransom’s lack of response – his silence, that spurred that beginning burn of tears in your eyes that you didn’t dare let fall in front of them. 

Ransom stood there for a minute staring at Linda before he looked back at you. His face was so stoic and his jaw was clenched. He looked angry, but he still didn’t say anything. He merely got up from the armchair, strolled over to you to take your hand with his left and grab both of your coats in his right. Dragging you to the door with you stumbling behind him quietly, and you both left. 

During the car ride, tension filled the space like it hadn’t before. With his family, Ransom always gave you the pep talk of preparing for the worst with his parents’ lack of empathy, or Joni’s incessant, passive aggressive demeanor. But he never prepared you for his own added insult to injury. 

“I think that you should take me home tonight.” You mutter quietly interrupting the tense silence. The tears dried up and in place sat an air of resignation. You knew what you were getting into when you got into a relationship with Ransom–but this was an entirely new experience and you needed the time and space to process it. 

You could feel Ransom looking over at you as he drove. The trajectory of his destination hadn’t changed but he indicated that he heard you by suddenly pulling the car over on the empty road. 

Not even bothering to look over at him even as the car turns off, you sigh and turn away from him to stare out at the dark woods next to you. It was an eerie place to be in during the night, especially when there was already so much anxiety present in the space. 

“Look at me, Princess. Now.” Ransom said with such a firmness that you gave up your stonewalling and turned your head to meet his determined gaze. 

Once his eyes met your tired ones, you can see his expression soften. “Don’t listen to Linda. She’s a cunt of a woman who looks beneath any and all who aren’t Harlan, and you know it.”

You let out an exasperated sigh and respond, “Ransom, you know that I can really give two fucks about what Linda says, or anyone would say about me.” 

He looked at you expectedly, “But?”

You feel a white rush of hot frustration seep into you as you say, “BUT I care about what you say about me! You didn’t even try to say anything back– would it kill you to just fight for me for once?” You didn’t wait for his response before continuing with your rant, “I think that you might even agree with her, I mean, are you even serious about me at all?!” 

Panting at the exertion of your accusation, you look away from the silent man and turn to look straight ahead to huff out one last defeated sigh. “Just take me home, please.”

More silence filled the enclosed space for what felt like an hour, in totality, it took really more like five minutes for Ransom to simply say, “Get out the car.”

Confused by the demand, you look over at him with a furrowed brow before catching that look on his face. The ‘look’. 

Swallowing thickly at noticing his expression, you stutter, “W-what?”

“You heard me. Get. Out. Of. The. Car.” He repeats with an even sterner tone. 

Shuffling for your seatbelt, you haphazardly push for the release until you could clumsily get out of the car. Anger taking over the confusion once more, you slam the door shut hard and make sure to flourish it with an exaggerated huff. 

A moment later, Ransom gets out of the car too (only increasing your initial confusion, heightening your frustration) and proceeds to walk to your end of the car only to bypass you and reach for the sedan’s back door to open it. 

Crossing your arms to keep up with your attitude, you look at him with a pointed frown. He looked over at you expectedly and demanded for you to get in the back. 

Now in a full blown tantrum, you stomp two steps over to duck back into the backseat of the car and force yourself to scoot over once Ransom stepped in behind you. 

Sitting next to him, you could feel the red hot anger boiling in your body while simultaneously also experiencing the lack of space between you. A different kind of heat fills you since you can’t help how attracted and in sync your body was with his. You pressed your thighs together and you felt a throb ripple between your legs. 

Without saying anything, you know that Ransom is analyzing your every move and has definitely noticed you clenching your thighs. Trying to cover it up, you cross your legs in fake boredom. But as your bare knee touches his, you let out a squeak as he suddenly pulls you by your crossed leg to straddle him. 

Suddenly you were on top of him, your arms instinctively going around his shoulders and resting on the seat cushion behind him. 

“Now that you’re facing me like a good girl, I want you to repeat what you just said to my face.” He merely said with that ‘look’ still on his handsome face. 

You were gripping his coat on either of his shoulders and bit your bottom lip, now unsure of how to gauge this reaction from him. “What do you me– ow!” You shriek.

In the middle of you asking, Ransom laid a sharp slap to your ass. You couldn’t help that your pussy reacted to the smack and you flush as you felt a gush of wetness seep through your thin panties.

“Ransom, what the fuc– argh!” He proceeded to slap your ass again. 

“Princess," I said: repeat what you just said to my face. Now.” Ransom said quietly.

Breathing heavier at the darkness in his tone, and the way that the space was only lit by one road light further down the path only emphasized the intensity of his request. The atmosphere felt weirdly intimate, like you were the only two in the world. 

“But which– ah!” A moan slipped this time as he slapped your ass, this time, it was harder. 

Ransom gave you a ‘tsk’ and said, “Princess, don’t you wanna be a good girl for Daddy?” 

You let out a small whimper and nodded your head pathetically. At the small tears gathering in your eyes, Ransom’s eyes softened a bit and he lifted one hand to stroke your hair away from your face to tuck it behind one ear. 

“I know you do, baby. So, do what Daddy is telling you. Repeat to me what you just said.”

You sniffle a bit before saying, “Are you serious about me at all?” Instead of this being repeated in frustration and anger, it was said meekly. The truth was that you have always felt a little insecure in your relationship together. He was Ransom Drysdale. He had status, means, resources. And you were the opposite of all of those things. You suppose you always felt like you were waiting for him to finally realize that and dump you to find someone else more suited to his needs.

Ransom cooed at you, as if he was able to read your mind, before stroking your hair again, “See, pretty baby, was that so hard?” He unzipped your coat slowly and threw it over to the passenger seat before lifting up the skirt of your dress to reveal your soft ass merely covered by a lacy thong.

He fondled your cheeks for a minute, humming his satisfaction at how smooth your skin felt, and how there was so much of you for him to grip onto. He gripped both of your cheeks suddenly with both of his hands and you let out a squeak in reaction to his tight grasp. 

The ‘look’ returned to his face once more and he made sure to capture your hooded gaze with his own. “Don’t you ever doubt how serious I am about you, Princess. You know that Daddy loves taking care of you, right? So much so that I knew that those fuckers didn’t deserve another minute of your time. We left because they don’t deserve the luxury of a response from me, nor do they deserve it from you. Understand now, pretty baby?”

Actively listening to him, you proceeded to let out the tears that you’ve been holding back while nodding your understanding. It all makes sense now- Ransom has always tried to protect you from his family. He valued your presence and respected your time enough that his first instinct was to get you out of that space and back to a place where you are very much wanted – with him.

Ransom only gave you a soft smile at the sight of your tears. He was proud of you for listening to him and for seeing things from his perspective. He’s only ever wanted to keep you safe, and he made sure to remind you of that every single time you’ve ever misaligned with that view. Your cute reactions and tears only further confirmed for him that he was the only one that could ever keep you like this. No one can ever take you away from him.

You shift in his arms a bit to get more comfortable and you release a quiet gasp at the same time that he lets out a sharp inhale as you both notice how his hands then naturally lowered so that the tips of his outer fingers were now barely brushing the covered lace of your pussy. 

Ransom hums out a low growl while he proceeds to stroke along your inner thighs towards the wet spot on your underwear. He starts slowly rubbing the thin fabric that covered your clit. You mewled again, feeling so turned on already from his punishment but also from how much care you were feeling from him at that moment.

“Now, Princess, we’re going to stay here while I spank this pretty little pussy until you remember how much I love you.” 

Welp! Honestly, is a punishment from Ransom ever really a punishment? 😏 I also just love a soft!dom!Ransom tbh.

Reblogs and comments are much appreciated and v welcomed :) thank you for reading!

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[prince-strife]

So I watched “Like Minds” (I’m super unwell about gay people)

this one is like 3x longer than the tenet one

spoilers for a movie that came out 20 years ago ig

alex is clearly rly smart but he’s a right prick about it

nigel sure does like to stare 🤨🤨

oh so he’s a little freak. bro’s got a taxidermy cat in his luggage

ARE THEY MAKING BOMBS??

well. def explosives

DOES HE TAXIDERMY THE ANIMALS HIMSELF

he rly likes dead stuff…

not the gay little obsession

GIRL RECORK YOUR WINE BOTTLE

NIGEL WHY ARE YOU DISSECTING BIRDS IN YOUR BEDROOM

he’s so pretty tho fr mfer has gorgeous eyes

bro fuck this cop frfr

he did not seriously just punch this kid

oooh alex is fucked in the head too. inch resting

alex is one of those rich boys ._.

“obligations” hmmm i Do Not like the sound of that

WAIT THAT WAS HIS DAD??? that explains that ig

wait why is alex on the villains wiki. WHY IS ONE OF HIS CRIMES NECROPHILIA

interesting that alex is so aggressively anti-church (as an establishment, i mean)

ooooh nigel is Looking at him

not him fighting with his teacher

taking detailed notes about the people around him…nigel colbie autism

nooo leave him alone :((

alex is so mean to him omg. let him be a little freak in peace

HOLY SHIT HE JUST KILLED THAT KID

OHHH SALLY ROWE IS FUCKIN. JONI THROMBEY

wtf ym you “can’t find” the colbies..

omg staring across a casket at each other..

tom sturridge is so fucking beautiful i’m unwell

“i almost missed him” 🤨🤨

38 minutes in and i think this is the longest we’ve heard nigel speak

THE FUCK BOOK IS HE READING FOR THIS CLASS

idk i need nigel and alex to kiss

WOAH NIGEL JUST GOT REALLY CLOSE

“i’m really sorry about your friend” baby don’t lie no the fuck you’re not

smth abt the way nigel said “but you don’t have to worry” reminds me of the scene at the end of batman where joker is telling the riddler he did a good job.

THE GLARE AT THIS POOR GIRL nigel looks jealous as fuck

nigel baby giving the boy you like a hand is not the way to his heart

“it looks like you need a hand.” BABE. NO. TOO ON THE NOSE

he’s so cute in his lil jumper

SITTING ON HIS BED??? LEANING OVER HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS???? nah this is. gay behaviour

“alex, wake up. i’ve got a night planned 🥺” aww they’re gonna go on a date

oh they’re super close. NOW KISS

ooh hanging the essay over his head

the big smile… “are you having fun?” the little giggle. the smirk. he hates his ass. he is so in love with him. WHAT IS GOING ON

hmm i do not trust this

THE PUPPYY

“i’ve never brought anybody here before” INTERESTING (“i’m being vulnerable plz don’t be a dick abt this”)

i’ve still got an hour left of this movie good god

my mom is watching gbbo rly loudly and i just got super confused as to why the music Did Not Match the scene

“do you like it 🥺🥺” NIGEL. BABY. he’s so proud of his weird little lab it’s so cute

these little history nerds…

i rly thought nigel was gonna cuddle into him for a second

HELLO NIGEL IS STARING AT HIS LIPS????

“do you know what a pike is?” batting his eyes, looking as coquettish as possible. oh my god. oh my god.

CALLING HIM JACK. i’m so unwell this is so gay.

“we’ve been brought together for a reason” oh my god he thinks they’re murder soulmates

HIS SMILLLLEE

“for eternity.” gnawing on the bars of my enclosure

not him asking her out, nigel’s gonna be PISSED

the sword to his neck 🤭 OMG THE RUNNING IT DOWN HIS SPINE WHAT THE FUCK

the way he says “jack” i’m gonna pass out

“my name is alex. stay away from me.” NOOO it’s ok nigel i’ll be your jack

taking the gay goggles off for a second nigel clearly is in desperate need of a friend and is trying so hard to make alex his friend and it’s making me super sad bc he doesn’t seem to quite understand why it’s not working :(((

but also nigel baby stop breaking into his room

it’s giving yandere tbh

“what’s with the knife” *biggest most innocent doe eyes* “i don’t know what you mean, jack”

HOLY SHIT NIGEL. I FIGURED HE WAS GONNA KILL HER BUT WHAT THE FUCK.

i feel bad for her fr tho she didn’t do nothin wrong. not her fault alex is oblivious to his psychopath boyfriend

lol alex looking around for nigel when he finds out she’s dead. he’s not stupid, i’ll give him that

HE TOOK THE KNIFE

nigel’s very bad at acting innocent

“i sense some hostility” NO REALLY

they look like they’re abt to kiss

“no jack, you did it.” babe.

“feels good to vent one’s anger doesn’t it jack””i don’t want any part of this” “too late for that”

oh he’s CRAZY

he so sure that alex is just as nuts as he is.

OHH MCKENZIE IS IN THE CLUB TOO?? INTERESTING

wtf happened to nigel’s parents

babe being cryptic is not helping your situation

OOOH ARE THEY GONNA FIND NIGEL’S LITTLE ROOM OF CREEPY SHIT

i bet his parents are dead

hehe the jack <3

his jars of dead shit are so weird

was that a drawing of the dead kid?

nigel has rly nice handwriting omg

idk if the knowledge that it’s purely for scientific interest makes the pictures of the sleeping girl better or worse

HE TAXIDERMIZED HIS PARENTS???

he calls them helen and john???

love him introducing alex like he’s his boyfriend

THE EYE CONTACT HELLO??

nigel looks so dead inside omg

“stop it, nigel :((“

OH HE MADE THE BIBLE??? i thought it was a book he had not smth he created that’s actually pretty cool

“our union” 🤨🤨 its giving marriage

“nigel was right about this” hmmm boyfriend behaviour

omg mckenzie SUCKS like he’s just kind of an asshole

“i knew you couldn’t resist a secret rendezvous <3”

“you didn’t know nigel”

DID HE FUCK HER CORPSE

“my dearest jack”

IS HE SLEEPING WITH HIS MOTHER

THE PICTURES WERE OF HIS MOTHER????

his lack of reaction to her getting shot…

SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED IN A SPAN OF 30 SECONDS

he’s so clinical about the cleanup…

he’s so pretty…

HES SO FUCKED IN THE HEAD

omg does he want jack to be his maraclea is that why he got the gun (ik his mom was his maraclea let me be delulu)

he rly thinks this is completely justified

HOLF SHIT HE PULLED THE TRIGGER

i’m so sad he’s dead :(( gimme my babygirl back

holy fuck alex got released

AND HE KEPT THE BOOK

“my beloved susan” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

“nigel got what he wanted…eternity”

OH MY FUCKING GOD J CANT BELEJEV HE DID THAT… continuing nigel’s work… oh my fucking god

“you like history.” BITCH WHAT

Edit: I forgot to give the movie a rating .-. 500/10 i fucking loved it, i’m already making a forbie playlist

[injaws]

simone kessell, fifty-two, she/her   ⟡   —   is that CIRCE NGATA-LANDRY i just saw walking around kilmer’s cove? i heard they’re a RESIDENT who’s been here for THIRTY YEARS. it slipped my mind, since they just tend to hang out at DELPHI'S DELIGHT. at face value, they’re said to be WARM and LEVEL-HEADED, but i don’t know… some people have said they can be quite SNEAKY and SECRETIVE. just don’t get on their bad side, i guess! don’t tell them i told you this, but i’ve heard they DO NOT believe in all the ghost stories around town. who knows what the future holds for them! 

BASICS:

full name: circe arielle ngata-landry nickname(s): none referencing her actual name, though “ari” was common as a child  age: fifty-two  gender: cis woman pronouns: she/her  sexuality: pansexual & panromantic date & place of birth: april 23rd in miami, florida  occupation: owner & false oracle at delphi's delight spirituality shop  faceclaim:  simone kessell notable characteristics: long, dark tendrils of hair flowing down to her lower back, typically kept down or in a long braid; features weathered by years of laughter & smiling; kind eyes, a simmering fire beneath the surface; a knowing smile that has you questioning if maybe she is a psychic, though you don't know what she knows traits: warm, level-headed, sneaky, secretive, lonely, wistful, quick-witted, adaptable similar to: joni thrombey, gillian owens, donna sheridan, jean grey, mary jane watson, senshi (dungeon meshi)  aesthetics: incense smoke filling a room; lavender crushed up under a pestle; prayer rice for any type of manifestation; tall candles, wax melting down the sides; long, billowing skirts & billowing shawls to match; coffee at 10 pm, tea at 8 am 

BULLET POINTS — TW FOR EMOTIONAL NEGLECT, INFERTILITY, & SPOUSAL DEATH

– circe doesn't think of her life before raymond, and by extension, before kilmer. it exists in a fog she's too far removed from to find a path back to – with that being said, circe had a fairly normal childhood (or so she'd tell you). emotionally neglectful parents who soothed wounds with gifts, & her nanny as her best friend. dinner was eaten alone, at a very long table designed for twelve and housing one. made for a family. – she's generally aimless, but circe is smart, she knows what she has to do; she goes to college for a business degree so she can maybe make something of herself. she meets raymond landry, delightfully charming nd quirky in a way that endears her greatly. – they have a whirlwind romance their senior year of college, & circe receives a ring at the same time she receives her diploma. – the affection she'd so greatly craved is given to her tenfold, and not just from raymond himself, but his family. family, it seems, is essential to the landrys; it makes circe uncomfortable at first, until the child begging to be loved rears her ugly head once again. – raymond asks her to move back to kilmer with him and she doesn't hesitate in saying yes. while kooky, the landry's fill the very long table, and circe's life is full of happiness, laughter, & a healthy dose of odd. – she starts her own shop soon after; though having little interest in what most business actually entails, circe misses her nanny, veronica. vero, a beautiful woman with gray hair and eyes as dark as coal, taught circe about the occult; about crystals, about cleansing, about the spiritual. circe finds immense comfort in this, and she decides to surround herself with it forever (and share it with the world, if all goes well) – she doesn't even offer readings or fortunes at first, in her defense. she intends to stick to what she does believe in, but money was tight and demand was low. she has to really think … she's parked right next to an oddities museum, so, hey, why not make the most of it? – circe begins offering her oracle services to unassuming tourists, of which kilmer has more than enough of throughout the year. she can put on a persona to keep her store, to keep vero. plus … ah, she'd be lying if she said it wasn't fun. – throughout this all, circe and raymond are trying for a family. circe can think of very little she'd love more than one of her own, a child she could ensure was loved and knew they were loved. – years pass and circe worries; she's twenty six when the doctor tells her she can't conceive naturally, and her and raymond are looking into adoption agencies that afternoon, an effort to pivot from the grief wracked throughout them – luckily, they find the light of their life, a baby as sweet as a little peach. for many, many years, circe gets her happy family, and the little girl inside of her remains content. – raymond dies and circe feels she may follow him on behalf of her own broken heart soon after. their child, though now an adult, and the rest of the landry's remain the sole reason she is here today. several months had her practically bedridden, staring out the window for hours at a time. one could say she was little more than a spirit, unable to pass on from the life she'd had before. this was also when she decided to move back into the landry household, the support system she'd built there much needed. – now a days, she's better. she has her family. circe feels like her life may slowly be starting to piece itself together again, and that's really all she can ask for.

HEADCANONS:

– it is important to note that circe is in fact scamming tourists. her fortunes are fake, she does not know what is going to happen in your life, and frankly, she thinks that if you still believe her even after filling out a pre-meeting interview, you deserve to be scammed out of your money anyway. - it's widely known among anyone who has been to kilmer for longer than a weekend vacation that the fortunes are fake. again -- if you fall for it, it's your business! – that being said, she truly does enjoy the spiritual, the occult, and all things related. scamming was purely a way to draw more traffic to the store, though she does think it's kind of funny. – circe doesn't believe in the ghost stories around kilmer; the jury is still out on whether she believes in ghosts themselves or not ( she does, in some way. she thinks that energy cannot be destroyed, and so there must be some purpose we have after death. however, she's a scammer, and so she tends to be pessimistic about the intentions of these “ghost stories” anyway – loves trash tv. avid real housewives watcher – fiercely protective of her loved ones, does not play about those she holds dear to her heart. mama bear instincts on 100 – some old habits die hard; her love language is gift giving, & she has the tendency to shower those she loves in gifts (where is the money coming from? well, she's an heiress to something! but she left that life behind after all) - hates cooking in an almost laughable way. spends way too much on takeout – kind of an ipad baby. OBSESSED with the sims app she has on her phone. someone take it away from her????

WANTED CONNECTIONS

– guh. check back l8r

[filministic]

Knives Out (2019) dir. Rian Johnson

[adamwatchesmovies]

Knives Out (2019)

Knowing the way Knives Out ends doesn’t diminish its enjoyment one bit. This is a wonderfully original whodunnit that breaks the rules and comes up with all sorts of new tricks - the kind you can’t believe no one has thought of before. It’s an instant favorite.

The morning after his 85th birthday, wealthy crime novelist Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer) is found dead of a suicide. As the police go through the usual procedures, everything seems cut and dry except for one detail: Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig). He’s been hired anonymously to investigate. How could whoever slipped him that fat envelope of money in the middle of the night know Thrombey would die… unless they knew something the police don’t?

The genius of Knives Out is that we’re told very early what happened to Harlan Thrombey. Harlan’s nurse, Marta Cabrera (Ana de Armas) mixed up his medications. He convinced her to walk away while he killed himself so no one would find out about the fatal mistake she’d made. Despite this, it takes no time for you to bond with Marta. Firstly, because she’s a good person who simply made a mistake. Secondly, because Benoit Blanc’s interrogation allows us to meet the members of the Thrombey family. Each of these characters is so unique and so memorable that a film with all of them together can only be categorized as a delight. It doesn’t matter that you already know “the ending”. You’re just having a great time (you’re not the only one; the performers are clearly having a lot of fun) sitting down and watching these people.

Then, this funny thing happens. You spend enough time with Linda Drysdale (Jamie Lee Curtis), her bumbling husband Richard (Don Johnson), their son Hugh (Chris Evans), Harlan’s son Walt (Michael Shannon), his wife Donna (Riki Lindhome), their son Jacob (Jaeden Martell), and Harlan’s daughter-in-law, Joni (Toni Collette) to think something might not be quite what it seems. Come to think of it, we know what happened to Harlan, but not who hired Benoit Blanc, so we really don't know after all. It gets to the point where you even suspect people who couldn’t have possibly had anything to do with Harlan’s death, like his housekeeper Fran (Edi Patterson), his elderly mother Wanetta (K Callan) or his gentle granddaughter Meg (Katherine Langford). There’s something amiss. You know Marta caused Harlan to kill himself but there’s more to this story. You know it. Before you think maybe the accident wasn’t an accident at all, let me stop you because writer/director Rian Johnson gives her one of the best quirks you could in a movie like this: the inability to lie. Now you see how complex a situation this is. If Benoit asks her directly if she contributed to Harlan’s death, she has to tell him. She’ll lose everything. Worse, the movie will end and we won’t get to find out what the deal is with the children and grandchildren.

The worst part of Knives Out is that these characters are not going to show up in a sequel. Benoit Blanc will but this film is filled with all of these great, memorable people. Some are slimy from the get-go, others are not what they seem at first. I had seen the film before. I knew the twists but it didn’t matter. I enjoyed seeing these people again and watching the hints pay off. Knives Out is a terrific screenplay and loads of fun. (December 31, 2022)

[nifolution]

I Quit 2

Warnings: The Thrombeys being themselves, recreational drug use

A/N: This is a revised copy of my oc fic. It is written in 3rd person. The Thrombeys’ opinions are NOT my own. Thoughts are in italics. 18+ only due to smut and dubcon situations. No stealing, no reposts, no translations, no feeding to AIs. Comments, reblogs and likes are always welcome and appreciated. 

Chapter 1 Series Masterlist  Main Masterlist

Chapter 2

The first two weeks of Y/N's employment went smoothly. Harlan did indeed have a taste for sweets. The rest of his palate she worked at learning, but he seemed happy with her efforts. When he didn't care for a dish, he would let her know and she gladly made him something else. Funny enough, the man would ask for tomato and mayo sandwiches, with just a touch of salt and pepper. Such simple requests from such an interesting man.

It was finally the day she was dreading, her first Sunday family dinner with the Thrombey clan. Fran had gossiped about the family with her while she began preparations. She explained who everyone was, their quirks, and entitlements. She had an asshole rating system that Y/N found amusing.

Fran found most of the family intolerable, except Harlan of course. “The top asshole, a number 10, has to be Harlan's grandson, Ransom. But don't call him that, ever. He makes the help call him by his first name, Hugh. He's handsome, for sure, but don't let his face fool you. He is a massive jerk and will charm you, use you up and spit you out like that.” She snapped her fingers and huffed.

“Luckily, he doesn't come to many of these dinners. Not that the rest of them are any easier to deal with. Seriously, they should have their own reality show so the world can see them snarl at each other like a pack of rabid hyenas. I suggest you steer clear of them when you can. These nights can get ROUGH.”

“Duly noted.”

Fran smiled before leaving to set the table. “Good luck tonight. And if you need a little mood stabilizer at the end of the insanity, just let me know. I got you girl.”

---------------

Y/N's anxiety increased with every new voice that echoed through the large home. She couldn't hear much of the conversations, but was confident Fran would fill her in if she missed anything juicy. So she continued cooking in peace.

Speak of the devil, the brunette rushed into the kitchen, “Top asshole and Harlan’s mother are m.i.a., but the rest are seated. Tell me the app is ready?” Fran already looked so done with the night.

”Right over there. Description card included.”

“Thank youuuu.” She took the appetizers to deliver to the table.

The family was just as she left them. Sitting proper with fake smiles plastered on their faces, while practically seething at one another.  Fran served the table with an equally forced grin.

Richard scoffed at the bowl. “What the hell is this?”

“Richard!” Linda chastised her husband.

Fran swiftly read from the card, “A roasted butternut and apple soup with ginger and coconut milk.”

Linda took a tentative sip and her eyebrows rose. “I see Rosalee has improved.”

Donna followed her lead, also approving of the soup and the improved quality.

Harlan spoke up, “I'm afraid Rosalee has retired. I've hired someone new.” He sent Fran to ask his new chef to come out, greet his family and serve dinner.

Y/N pushed the cart out to the dining area. Feeling like she was walking into shark infested waters wearing a wounded seal suit. All eyes were on her as she entered. Harlan introduced her and asked what she had prepared for them.

“I have for you a herb crusted crown roast of pork with a side of carrots and parsnips in citrus butter.”

“Um, excuse me, hi.” Joni raised her hand, pointing to the offending entrée. “We can't eat that. My Meg and I are vegan. Do you expect me and my daughter to just munch on carrots all night?”

Y/N nodded, “I have been informed of your dietary restrictions and made you both something separate.“ She placed the extra meal in front of them. ”Quinoa cakes with a tomato-zucchini and chickpea relish, drizzled with a balsamic glaze. But if you would like the citrus carrots on the side I can get that for you as well.”

“Dietary restrictions, my ass. It's not a restriction, it's a mental illness.” Walt began to rant, “You know how you can spot a vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you. They'll never shut up about it. Those douchebags think they're better than everyone else. They look down on us meat eaters, keep trying to convert us. Well let me tell you, eating meat is my God given right. My right! Don't you realize you can't live without meat. Your brain will die. That's why you are all so miserable, you're slowly dying.”

Donna rubbed her husband's shoulder in approval. While Richard raised his glass in salute to Walt's bullshit. Linda pursed her lips, ignoring them and trying to have a chat with her father.

Joni was on the defense, “We are the healthiest we've ever been. It's good for the planet, the environment, which benefits everyone, need I remind you.” She ignored her brother-in-law's snickering. “Let's be real, veganism is the answer to this world's problems. It is. It's the only moral choice. It clears up your skin and makes you feel good inside and out. And we don't have to feel guilty about contributing to the exploitation and slaughter of innocent lives. Animals are just like us.”

“Just like us?” Walt interjected. “Oh really, should we have dad's dogs sitting at the table with us? I tell ya, if Meg was a boy, I'd be calling DCF because you'd be depriving him of nutrients he needs to grow strong and polluting his male DNA with soy.”

“You're the one with blood on your hands, Walt. All those poor cute animals you've killed….”

Richard scoffed, “You've only been,” he raised his fingers in air quotes, “vegan for a damn month.”

“Ya well, I saw the truth and I'm changing. You'll see it too or die with all those animal products clogging your arteries... Plus it's been two months. Thank you very much.”

“I will happily eat my steak and drink my milkshakes all the way to my grave.”

Joni rolled her eyes, “Uck, you are completely hopeless.”

Walt raised his hand to silence any reply from Richard. “Don't bother. It's not worth fueling her delusions.”

That seemed to put an end to that argument. The rest of the meal went well. Although out of the whole family, only Harland and Meg said 'thank you.' Not even the young boy spoke up. For being so rich and fancy, they certainly lacked manners.

Dessert was served without incident. Tiramisu and a mini vegan version for Joni and Meg. Harlan seemed to be in heaven, commenting on how rich and decadent it was.

After dinner was over, Y/N and Fran began clearing the table. Linda poked her head in, “Y/N, may I have a word with you?”

“Was there something wrong with your meal?”

“Oh no, no, dinner was lovely. However, I wanted to make sure you weren't making desserts like that for my dad all the time. He's getting up there in years and has to watch his cholesterol, his sugar intake, blood pressure, things of that nature. He can't be consuming food like you made tonight. He needs to eat healthier. I'd like to keep him around for a long time. I'm sure you can understand.”

“I fully understand, ma'am, but there is no need for concern. The food was chosen because this was a special occasion. It doesn't reflect his daily meals.” Y/N noticed Harlan a few feet behind his daughter. He winked at her before alerting her of his presence.

Linda clapped her hands, “Delightful. I'm so glad we have an understanding. I will make you a list of approved meals.” She smiled at her father before walking away.

Once Linda was out of earshot, Harlan leaned close to Y/N, “I'm not eating that pigeon food. You put her little list up on the message board in the kitchen and ignore it.”

Y/N thought she was safe. The family was dispersing out into the night. She turned on some music and began washing the dishes. Her hips swaying to the beat.

Joni snuck up behind her. “Oh I love this song.” She attempted to dance alongside Y/N, bumping their hips together. “Don't be shy. I could tell you recognize me. I get it allll the time now. You're correct, it's me. Owner, CEO, COO and CFO of FLAM.” She continued boasting about being a top influencer and her skin care products while Y/N stood there like a deer in the headlights.

An unwelcomed hand reached out to stroke her cheek, “Your skin looks so parched. You could really use a hydrating serum. My company offers the perfect product to help. It's an all organic algae blend that feels like the ocean on your face. So refreshing. And there's a vitamin C serum that will bring some life back to your overworked face.”

“Well let me tell you, FLAM is trending right now, it's going to be huge. You go ahead and follow me on twitter or instagram. I'm offering my first 100 followers a 15% off coupon. That will be available once I find the right graphic designer for my website. Those I interviewed so far just couldn't grasp my vision. This is a lifestyle I'm promoting. I have to trust they get my brand, ya know. But hold onto that coupon, it will be honored. So lovely to meet you, Evelyn.”

“Y/N,” she corrected.

“Sure.” Joni made her exit, blowing a kiss.

Fran entered and passed over the joint in her fingers. “It's like the fucking twilight zone isn't it.”

“You weren't kidding.”

The Thrombeys were the most insincere backstabbing piece of crap family she had the displeasure of meeting thus far. She wondered if any of them loved or were loyal to anything but money. Doubtful. Thank goodness she didn’t have to encounter them often. 

These people are something else. I'm going to need therapy if I stay here too long. 

Chapter 3

[niffala]

I Quit (Pt. 2)

Warnings: The Thrombeys being themselves, recreational drug use

A/N: Reader insert version found here. The Thrombeys’ opinions are NOT my own. Thoughts in italics. 18+ only due to smut and dubcon situations. No stealing, no reposts, no translations, no feeding to AIs. Comments, reblogs and likes are always welcome and appreciated.

Chapter 1 Series Masterlist     Main Masterlist

Chapter 2

The first two weeks of Elizabeth's employment went smoothly. Harlan did indeed have a taste for sweets. The rest of his palate she worked at learning, but he seemed happy with her efforts. When he didn't care for a dish, he would let her know and she gladly made him something else. Funny enough, the man would ask for tomato and mayo sandwiches, with just a touch of salt and pepper. Such simple requests from such an interesting man.

It was finally the day she was dreading, her first Sunday family dinner with the Thrombey clan. Fran had gossiped about the family with her while she began preparations. She explained who everyone was, their quirks, and entitlements. She had an asshole rating system that Elizabeth found amusing.

Fran found most of the family intolerable, except Harlan of course. “The top asshole, a number 10, has to be Harlan's grandson, Ransom. But don't call him that, ever. He makes the help call him by his first name, Hugh. He's handsome, for sure, but don't let his face fool you. He is a massive jerk and will charm you, use you up and spit you out like that.” She snapped her fingers and huffed.

“Luckily, he doesn't come to many of these dinners. Not that the rest of them are any easier to deal with. Seriously, they should have their own reality show so the world can see them snarl at each other like a pack of rabid hyenas. I suggest you steer clear of them when you can. These nights can get ROUGH.”

“Duly noted.”

Fran smiled before leaving to set the table. “Good luck tonight. And if you need a little mood stabilizer at the end of the insanity, just let me know. I got you girl.”

---------------

Elizabeth's anxiety increased with every new voice that echoed through the large home. She couldn't hear much of the conversations, but was confident Fran would fill her in if she missed anything juicy. So she continued cooking in peace.

Speak of the devil, the brunette rushed into the kitchen, “Top asshole and Harlan’s mother are m.i.a., but the rest are seated. Tell me the app is ready?” Fran already looked so done with the night.

”Right over there. Description card included.”

“Thank youuuu.” She took the appetizers to deliver to the table.

The family was just as she left them. Sitting proper with fake smiles plastered on their faces, while practically seething at one another.  Fran served the table with an equally forced grin.

Richard scoffed at the bowl. “What the hell is this?”

“Richard!” Linda chastised her husband.

Fran swiftly read from the card, “A roasted butternut and apple soup with ginger and coconut milk.”

Linda took a tentative sip and her eyebrows rose. “I see Rosalee has improved.”

Donna followed her lead, also approving of the soup and the improved quality.

Harlan spoke up, “I'm afraid Rosalee has retired. I've hired someone new.” He sent Fran to ask his new chef to come out, greet his family and serve dinner.

Elizabeth pushed the cart out to the dining area. Feeling like she was walking into shark infested waters wearing a wounded seal suit. All eyes were on her as she entered. Harlan introduced her and asked what she had for them.

“I have for you a herb crusted crown roast of pork with a side of carrots and parsnips in citrus butter.”

“Um, excuse me, hi.” Joni raised her hand, pointing to the offending entrée. “We can't eat that. My Meg and I are vegan. Do you expect me and my daughter to just munch on carrots all night?”

Elizabeth nodded, "I have been informed of your dietary restrictions and made you both something separate.“ She placed the extra meal in front of them. ”Quinoa cakes with a tomato-zucchini and chickpea relish, drizzled with a balsamic glaze. But if you would like the citrus carrots on the side I can get that for you as well."

“Dietary restrictions, my ass. It's not a restriction, it's a mental illness.” Walt began to rant, “You know how you can spot a vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you. They'll never shut up about it. Those douchebags think they're better than everyone else. They look down on us meat eaters, keep trying to convert us. Well let me tell you, eating meat is my God given right. My right! Don't you realize you can't live without meat. Your brain will die. That's why you are all so miserable, you're slowly dying.”

Donna rubbed her husband's shoulder in approval. While Richard raised his glass in salute to Walt's bullshit. Linda pursed her lips, ignoring them and trying to have a chat with her father.

Joni was on the defense, “We are the healthiest we've ever been. It's good for the planet, the environment, which benefits everyone, need I remind you.” She ignored her brother-in-law's snickering. “Let's be real, veganism is the answer to this world's problems. It is. It's the only moral choice. It clears up your skin and makes you feel good inside and out. And we don't have to feel guilty about contributing to the exploitation and slaughter of innocent lives. Animals are just like us.”

“Just like us?” Walt interjected. “Oh really, should we have dad's dogs sitting at the table with us? I tell ya, if Meg was a boy, I'd be calling DCF because you'd be depriving him of nutrients he needs to grow strong and polluting his male DNA with soy.”

“You're the one with blood on your hands, Walt. All those poor cute animals you've killed….”

Richard scoffed, “You've only been,” he raised his fingers in air quotes, “vegan for a damn month.”

“Ya well, I saw the truth and I'm changing. You'll see it too or die with all those animal products clogging your arteries... Plus it's been two months. Thank you very much.”

“I will happily eat my steak and drink my milkshakes all the way to my grave.”

Joni rolled her eyes, “Uck, you are completely hopeless.”

Walt raised his hand to silence any reply from Richard. “Don't bother. It's not worth fueling her delusions.”

That seemed to put an end to that argument. The rest of the meal went well. Although out of the whole family, only Harlan and Meg said 'thank you.' Not even the young boy spoke up. For being so rich and fancy, they certainly lacked manners.

Dessert was served without incident. Tiramisu and a mini vegan version for Joni and Meg. Harlan seemed to be in heaven, commenting on how rich and decadent it was.

After dinner was over, Elizabeth and Fran began clearing the table. Linda poked her head in, “Elizabeth, may I have a word with you?”

“Was there something wrong with your meal?”

“Oh no, no, dinner was lovely. However, I wanted to make sure you weren't making desserts like that for my dad all the time. He's getting up there in years and has to watch his cholesterol, his sugar intake, blood pressure, things of that nature. He can't be consuming food like you made tonight. He needs to eat healthier. I'd like to keep him around for a long time. I'm sure you can understand.”

“I fully understand, ma'am, but there is no need for concern. The food was chosen because this was a special occasion. It doesn't reflect his daily meals.” Elizabeth noticed Harlan a few feet behind his daughter. He winked at her before alerting her of his presence.

Linda clapped her hands, “Delightful. I'm so glad we have an understanding. I will make you a list of approved meals.” She smiled at her father before walking away.

Once Linda was out of earshot, Harlan leaned close to Elizabeth, “I'm not eating that pigeon food. You put her little list up on the message board in the kitchen and ignore it.”

Elizabeth thought she was safe. The family was dispersing out into the night. She turned on some music and began washing the dishes. Her hips swaying to the beat.

Joni snuck up behind her. “Oh I love this song.” She attempted to dance alongside Elizabeth, bumping their hips together. “Don't be shy. I could tell you recognize me. I get it allll the time now. You're correct, it's me. Owner, CEO, COO and CFO of FLAM.” She continued boasting about being a top influencer and her skin care products while Elizabeth stood there like a deer in the headlights.

An unwelcomed hand reached out to stroke her cheek, “Your skin looks so parched. You could really use a hydrating serum. My company offers the perfect product to help. It's an all organic algae blend that feels like the ocean on your face. So refreshing. And there's a vitamin C serum that will bring some life back to your overworked face.”

“Well let me tell you, FLAM is trending right now, it's going to be huge. You go ahead and follow me on twitter or instagram. I'm offering my first 100 followers a 15% off coupon. That will be available once I find the right graphic designer for my website. Those I interviewed so far just couldn't grasp my vision. This is a lifestyle I'm promoting. I have to trust they get my brand, ya know. But hold onto that coupon, it will be honored. So lovely to meet you, Evelyn.”

“Elizabeth,” she corrected.

“Sure.” Joni made her exit, blowing a kiss.

Fran entered and passed over the joint in her fingers. “It's like the fucking twilight zone isn't it.”

“You weren't kidding.”

The Thrombeys were the most insincere backstabbing piece of crap family she had the displeasure of meeting thus far. She wondered if any of them loved or were loyal to anything but money. Doubtful. Thank goodness she didn’t have to encounter them often.

These people are something else. I'm going to need therapy if I stay here too long.

Chapter 3