#jonghyun's funeral

[cosmojjong]

.

[theinfinitedivides]

said a prayer for Jjong today.

[shawoluvs]

People handle grief in their own ways and I don't like to judge people on how they process loss but something about shorts and tiktoks and videos made with some sad, generic pop song playing over video clips from a celebrity's funeral gives me the ick. There are ways to remember people and if you knew someone personally then maybe it'd be different but there's something off about it that I can't put my finger on.

[waitupgirlholdon]

Words from a Shawol to Arohas,

I know how you’re feeling. You don’t feel like it’s real, it can’t be true, you’re reading articles and watching videos about any possible updates. But it’s true and you feel like the ground opened up to swallow you. The unthinkable has happened, and unfortunately it happened to your beloved Moonbin.

I am not too familiar with Astro or Moonbin, but my heart is with you, and I know your pain. I thought I would give you some advice on how to get through this difficult situation.

This is all meant with love.

1, try not to watch videos with clickbait titles about him. There will be, and already is a lot out there trying to capitalize on this news, only take information from reputable sources.

2, the clickbait videos never really end. They use your dear idol to get views by saying rude things or making infuriating thumbnails. Try your best to ignore it and report the video and the account.

3, don’t feel bad if you can’t bring yourself to watch any funeral footage if there is any. It will be painful to witness, and you don’t have to put yourself through that.

4, it’s okay not to want to listen to his music for a while. Take your time and be kind with yourself.

5, find a way to remember him, if you feel it’s appropriate. For me, Jonghyun’s music saved me in a hard time in my life and I plan to get a tattoo in his honor, but I have also named my cat after his last album, Poet|Artist (we call him Poe), and every new years day I listen to a special song of his to welcome the new year.

6, find fellow Arohas to talk to. They need you as much as you need them.

7, when you feel like you can handle it, find joy in the moments Moonbin left for you. Like dance practice bloopers, photos of him smiling.. remember him on the anniversary if his last day, but celebrate him on his birthday.

8, finally, reach out for help if you feel you need it. It may seem silly to mourn someone you never met, but it’s still a very real loss with very real pain.

I hope this advice can help you find a little peace. I am so sorry for your loss.

-A Shawol

[gaykey]

shawols go and block @blueangelnacho don't look at their posts just block - they're posting triggering photos of jonghyun's funeral in the tag.

[loveshineetaemin]

Jonghyun's relationship with his dad

Jonghyun himself shared that his father was never really present when he was growing up. He said his father was always absent due to work. There is only one photo of them togetheR. I don’t think his father was ever truly there.It’s unclear whether his parents divorced, but it’s likely they separated at some point during his childhood.

Jonghyun tried to make sense of it, to explain it away, saying his father was “always away for work,” but let’s call it what it was—abandonment. It wasn’t just physical absence. His father’s words lingered, cruel and permanent, like scars cut into him as a boy. He told Jonghyun he was untalented, that he would fail. Can you imagine the weight of those words? A child with dreams, carrying his father’s contempt like a stone in his chest, trying to move forward but always being pulled back by the belief that maybe, just maybe, his father was right.

That belief poisoned him. Even years later, as Jonghyun’s confidence withered and his light began to dim, those doubts—those words—never truly left. They were whispers in his mind, echoes of a father who was never there to love him, only to tear him down.

In 2015, when he was asked about his childhood, he said it was something he had forgotten or at least tried to forget. Can you imagine what kind of pain it takes to want to erase your own life? But forgetting doesn’t erase anything—it only buries it alive, and Jonghyun spent his life haunted by what he buried. He grew up in a “strict household,” shaped by the presence of a man who wasn’t there in body but who ruled over him all the same. That’s the tragedy of it: even in his father’s absence, he had power. Even in his absence, he left wounds that never healed.

Jonghyun tried to sever those ties. He threw away his baby photos, his videos—every trace of the boy he once was. But his mother hid some of them, as if she knew he could never truly escape his past, no matter how hard he tried. I think Jonghyun wished he could stop caring, wished he could just forget, but he couldn’t. He was too sensitive, too tender for this world. He wanted to pretend he didn’t care about his father, about his childhood, but he did. He cared so much it destroyed him.

He once shared a moment from his past that still makes my heart ache. After buying his mother and sister a house, he got drunk one night and broke down completely. He cried and screamed, waking everyone up, asking them, “Are you happy?” And when they said yes—so quickly, so effortlessly—he couldn’t understand it. “Why can’t I be happy?” he sobbed. Can you hear him? Can you see him, broken and desperate, crumbling under the weight of everything he carried? He gave everything he had to the people he loved, but there was nothing left for himself.

He grew up too fast, forced into the role of the “man of the house” when he was still just a boy. His family lived in poverty for years, surviving on government support while his father was nowhere to be found. It’s as if Jonghyun was robbed of everything—his childhood, his innocence, even his ability to hope. He bore the weight of being the provider, the protector, the one who had to hold it all together. But how do you hold others together when you are falling apart yourself?

When he passed, I searched for his father at the funeral. I waited, thinking maybe, just maybe, a shred of humanity might show itself, but there was nothing. No sign of him. No grief. No guilt. It’s as if he never existed. And maybe that’s the saddest part of all: Jonghyun’s father didn’t just abandon him in life—he abandoned him in death, too.

I’ve thought a lot about why Jonghyun wanted to marry and become a father so quickly. Maybe he was searching for something he’d never had. Maybe he thought he could rewrite his story by becoming the father he never knew—loving, present, kind. But life doesn’t give us clean slates. You can’t outrun the past, and you can’t love someone else enough to heal the wounds inside you. I think Jonghyun knew that. I think it haunted him.

He spent his life searching for happiness—searching, clawing, begging for a light to fill the cracks in him. But happiness isn’t something you find. Searching for it only makes the emptiness deeper. And that emptiness swallowed him whole.

Jonghyun lived a life filled with music, with laughter, with love, but underneath it all was a boy who never stopped hurting. He was fragile in ways the world couldn’t see, carrying the weight of words he never deserved to hear and wounds he didn’t know how to heal. His story feels like a tragedy because it is one—a tragedy of absence, of neglect, of a father who was never there, and of a boy who loved too deeply and hurt too much.

Sometimes, I think about him crying that night, asking “Why can’t I be happy?” And it breaks me, because he deserved happiness. He deserved peace. He deserved to be free from the shadows of his past.

But life wasn’t kind to Jonghyun. And now all we can do is remember him—the light he gave us, the beauty he created, the pain he carried—and mourn what could have been.

[thejadediaries]

I know everyone is soaking in the news about Liam Payne's passing. It's crazy because I discovered 1D on here. I saw someone upload a video of the react channel and they did a teens react to One Direction and that was pretty much it. It's crazy seeing people who are now in their 20s and up talking about it, being upset like these guys were apart of people's childhoods (I was 23 when I discovered them). Now I do know there has been a lot of talk about him lately and it wasn't great but it is ok to cry and grieve over this.

What's fucking me up is that we all got the news pretty much right after it happened. I'm worried that his family found out when we did. My heart is going out to his friends/family especially his son and of course the other members. I'm thinking about how the guys never got to resolve their issues before he passed. That makes me really sad. Sadly, this is not my first time dealing with a member of a group passing away. I'd say the first was Jonghyun of SHINee, Sulli of f(x) and then Tom of The Wanted. It never gets easier.

I've been seeing people say the next time we'll see them together is at the funeral. That'll fuck me up. But I saw someone else say that what if the guys do a tribute to him like at an award show just like when Quavo did a tribute to Takeoff at the Grammys last year. If the guys did something like that, I'll probably be inconsolable.

Regardless of my rambling thoughts, it is incredibly sad to hear the news of Liam's passing and I just hope for the best for his friends/family, 1D members and of course the fans.

[dlstmxkakwldrlarchive]

HARD 8

■ throw of two dice that lands on 4, the two digits form Jonghyun's bday 0408

Dice (commonly known as craps), is a game often played for money where the player (referred to as the shooter) rolls 2 dice hoping to roll a winning combination. The number 8 can be obtained three ways.

The 'easy way' by rolling a 6 and 2 or a 3 and 5, or the 'hard way' by rolling a 4 and 4.

'Hard' numbers are any 2 pair combinations: 2 and 2, 3 and 3, 4 and 4, 5 and 5, and 6 and 6. Betting on the 'hard' number combination results in a larger return when it is thrown.

■ Hard 8 is the eighth novel by Janet Evanovich featuring the bounty hunter, Stephanie Plum

Hard Eight revolves around a child custody fight, rather than a criminal bail bond, and marks the (sometimes repeated) departure of the series from Stephanie chasing bad guys to Stephanie being stalked by the bad guys.

Stephanie is asked by her parents' next-door neighbor, Mabel Markowitz, to find her granddaughter, Evelyn and great-granddaughter, Annie, who have disappeared. During a messy divorce with her ex-husband, Steven Soter, Evelyn was forced to post a child custody bond, and Mabel used her house as collateral. If Evelyn is not found, then the bond company will foreclose on her house, and the money will be forfeited to Steven. ×

so its like being watched/hunted but also to hunt and watch (?)

■ Hard 8 is a crime film written and directed by paul thomas anderson:

Sydney Brown, a well-dressed senior gambler, finds John Finnegan, a homeless man, forlornly sitting outside a diner. He offers him a cigarette and buys him a cup of coffee. John tells Sydney that he lost his money in las vegas and he needs $6,000 for his mother's funeral. Sydney offers to drive John to Vegas, where he helps John win the money. ×

SHINee members recent outfits suggest a casino concept; like their first pic together, the dice keyring onew & key wore recently and onew recent outfit in his ig live

SHINee 8th Album HARD = 하드

SHINee 4th Album ODD= 오드

Also the blue sky dress code for their fanmeet could hint to something:

[scarefox]

Got a clip in my youtube recs of Han from Stray Kids during panic attacks & major discomfort on stage and in public

I don't really go there and I only clicked on it to see if it is for real and if his fans REALLY posted a video of that, sharing it around for clicks.

And 1. yes it's for real but also 2. all the people in the comments complaining how fucked up it is that the paparazzis took photos of him during that moment.... while these clowns literally watch this footage as a video someone posted on youtube for tragedy-kink clicks... These people are so out of the loop, it's maddening. What's the difference between a magazine, some xitter user or youtube (and tiktok) channel posting it?? I know, it's only bad when the others do it 🙄 You curse the people who pestered him with their cameras but still share their footage around and ad some infantilizing sad song to it to make it extra sad.

I don't know and care for the circumstances how, when and why but as someone with an anxiety disorder too, this mindset pisses me off. Every normal thinking, empathic human would not share it around, despite how public it is or how sorry you feel of that person... When I have a panic attack I don't want people to see me like that nor comment on it or baby me.

imo posts like that are on the same level as Jonghyuns funeral video...

[dibidibifiction]

Reasons to Live

Pairing: Kim Jonghyun x Reader

Category: romance

TRIGGER WARNING: depression, self-harm, death, foul language

Word count: 3.5k+

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction made for personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons whom the characters are based on. She also does not claim ownership to any of the images that are being used.  

masterlist

...

TWO YEARS EARLIER

JONGHYUN

I hear the curtain metal rings slide harshly two opposite ways, shocking me awake. 

“Oh, good. You were sleeping with your mouth open.”

“Great. Thanks, Mom,” I say sarcastically, rubbing my eyes.

“It’s already ten past five. I’m going home. Are you going to be okay?” my mom asks. She has taken care of me since day one I’ve been in this hospital. But now, since I’ve improved a lot, I insisted that she doesn’t have to visit every day. 

“Yes, ma’am,” I roll my eyes jokingly.

“Aww, Jonghyun, you should find a woman who will take care of you from now on instead of bothering me,” she joins my kidding around.

After she pinches my cheeks and kisses me, she heads out the door. I sit up to reach for my phone on the side table. I got messages from the boys on our group chat.

14:36

Kim Kibum: Hey, Kim Jonghyun! When are you getting discharged? You’re delaying our project. Get your shit together, yeah? Love you

15:18

Jinki: They ran some tests on you a few days ago, right? How did they go?

15:24

Minho: Hope everything’s okay, Hyung. We’re just here waiting for you~

16:20

Taemin: Hyung, did you receive my fruit basket? Hope you like it.

Reading their messages instantly puts a smile on my face. I start typing to reply that everything’s good and that I’m getting out of here soon. Maybe next week at the very least. 

I’ve been in this hospital for almost a month because of the car accident on my drive to my parents’ house after work. It was already dark and I was on the expressway when it started to rain so heavily that visibility was close to zero. Unexpectedly, a huge truck was running too fast in my direction. I managed to avoid it but then made me hit an electric post. Even though I was in a coma for three days, still, lucky for me, I had very little damage compared to others who have gotten into accidents like this.

I’ve never felt more alive. It may be hard to believe or even admit, but it might be a miracle, what happened to me. I was in such unbearable pain that I could already imagine my loved ones crying at my funeral.

I grab my little notebook and head up to the rooftop. I sit in my usual spot, which is at the very corner of the floor, overlooking the city. The city lights are like stars, the cars like elves, and the people like ants. It’s like a whole new weird world. I pull up my pen inserted at the last page I wrote on. Every time I have an idea for a song or a poem, I always write it here. 

As I’m turning the pages to look back on what I’ve written, I catch a glimpse of someone’s legs way across this wide rooftop. It looks like a person lying on the floor. 

“Hello?” I call out. 

No response. 

“Excuse me, are you okay?” My voice is a little louder, hoping to be heard.

Still nothing. Not even a subtle movement.

I drop everything and walk briskly over to check on them. 

I gasp at a young girl in a hospital gown like mine, which means she must be a patient too. I draw closer to see that she’s unconscious. And pale.

My heart twists, I hurriedly kneel down to her side and lightly put my head on her chest to check her heartbeat. 

Shit, I hear nothing. A quick shiver sends through me. 

Her pulse. I quickly grab her hand to feel her wrist and hope to feel something. 

Thank God. I exhale after what feels like twenty minutes. “Stay here. I’ll go get help.” 

I run down four flights of stairs and realize how ridiculous that sounded since she couldn’t even hear me. I finally reach the nearest nurse’s station, catching my breath in order to get words out. 

“Excuse me! There’s a girl up on the roof. She’s unconscious. Please help!” 

A nurse nods once and quickly picks up the telephone. She recites something I didn’t quite understand. Two guys with a stretcher appear immediately and ask me to let lead the way.

. . .

It’s now hours later and I can’t stop thinking about her. My last sight of her keeps flashing before my eyes. She was pale and almost lifeless. She looks pretty with her dark neck-length hair, her thin bangs fly off her forehead because of the wind. I wonder what’s wrong with her. I hope she’s okay now. Turns out she is the one who stays in the room next to mine.

My door slowly opens for a nurse to take the tray of my already finished dinner. “Hey, um, do you know what happened to the girl next door?”

“Do you know her?” he asks me right back, his eyes dead.

“Actually, yeah, I went to college with her.” I lie.

“Oh, okay, then,” he sighs. “Well, she attempted to kill herself again.”

My jaws drop in shock. “What?” I stutter. My heart sinks even more at the word ‘again.’

“It’s the third time she’s done that during her stay here. I really hope she'll stop. I’m worried about her. She doesn’t even have a family for us to call for a situation like this. There’s only this one guy that comes over every now and then.” His eyes suddenly change and fill up with pity when he walks out the door.

---

PRESENT DAY

Y/N

I run to the bus stop to see Jonghyun already waiting for me by his car in hazard mode at the side of the road. Two weeks passed and this is the most I’ve seen him since he’s been busy with his comeback. 

He spots me, then waves so happily that he’s almost jumping.

I land in his arms. “Jonghyun, I missed you,” I weep on his chest. 

He pulls away to look at my face, cupping my cheeks. “How’s my girl?” his eyes twinkle. He lovingly leans in for a five-second kiss.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” I pout.

“No, I just got here,” he smiles. “Shall we?”

We both hop in his car and drive to Taemin’s house to have dinner with the boys. It was supposed to be a celebration for their comeback promotion weeks ago but it always fell through. Now that their promotion ended, they decided to have the gathering tonight. It was Minho and Kibum’s idea. Taemin offered his place to hold it. 

They love a good party. Kibum wanted to invite as many people as they could but Minho wanted an intimate gathering with just close friends. The decision was made democratically but it was tied up. So all that long heated, turbulent discussion led us to the lowkey one with just close friends.

Jonghyun and I arrive with three handsome boys already in sight. Minho greets me with a warm hug and then leads me toward the kitchen where Jinki and Kibum are preparing food.

“Mmm, smells good over here. Where’s Taemin?” I ask no one in particular while I make my way to sit on a spinning stool by the island.

“He’s not here yet,” Kibum answers me while he holds a wooden spoon in front of me to let me taste his soondubu stew. 

“What? He’s late even at his own party being held at his house. Great.” I say as I nod approvingly to Kibum, telling him that it’s delicious.

Jinki giggles. “That’s our youngest.”

I laugh, wiping off droplets of soup on my chin.

“Speak of the devil,” Kibum mutters as soon as I hear the front door beep. 

I welcome Taemin with a giggle and my arms open for a hug. “Hey, what are you doing late at your own party?” I say, pulling away from his one-hand embrace.

“I came as fast as I could. You’re at my house. Stop complaining!” he laughs too.

. . .

It is now four hours later. Jonghyun and I are back in his car on our way to his apartment. I insisted he takes me home but he insisted harder for me to stay at his place since it’s closer.

“Plus, I missed you and I want to be with you a little longer,” he says, kissing my hand while his eyes are on the road. 

“Really? Well...” I say, having something in mind. I start drawing closer to him and slide my palm on his lap up to his crotch. I lean in closer, humming into his ear.

He swallows. “Hey, I’m driving.”

I laugh at him. “Fine, I’ll wait until we get home.”

“Home?” He looks at me for a second, smiling. Then back on the road.

I pause, thinking of what I said. “What?” 

“Did you just propose for us to live together?”

“Where’d that come from? You’re making stuff up again.” I playfully punch his arm.

He laughs out loud. It is so beautiful that it is the most musical sound I’ve ever heard.

After a few seconds of silence, he grabs my hand. I turn to him, waiting for him to say something. “So, do you want to move in?”

My mouth opens in quite a confusion but immediately curves into a huge smile. “Yeah, of course! I’d love that,” I screech. I lean into him for a kiss on his cheek, then rest my head on his shoulder while he pulls over into parking.

He turns to me, cupping my cheek. “I love you so much, Y/n.” 

It makes me melt every time he says those words to me. My eyes fill in with tears. “I love you, too.”

---

TWO YEARS EARLIER

An overflowing burning sensation boils in my stomach, making me abruptly sit up and throw up on myself. I feel like my internal organs are about to come out of my mouth. I feel so heavy that I can't open my eyes. When I do, it’s brief and cloudy.

I suddenly hear the door open. Somebody walks into my room. A nurse perhaps. After I feel them carefully laid me back down, I catch a blurry figure of a man standing in my direction by the door outside my room. Before I can control my own consciousness, everything goes black again.

. . .

I slowly open my eyes with the sun blaring at me. It irritates the shit out of me. I get out of bed in an attempt to close my blinds but somebody stops me.

“Whoa, wait, be careful.” A guy in a hospital gown like mine suddenly appears before me. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I glare at him.

He looks startled by my sudden rage. Despite this, he adjusts the wire connecting the needle inserted in my arm and the IV that’s hung next to my bed before I could mess it up. 

“Let me get that for you,” he mutters before closing the blinds for me, leaving a bit of sunlight.

My face relaxes from frowning as I watch him walk back toward me. He sits on the chair next to my bed. I notice his attractive appearance. Dark hair that covers his entire forehead, a cute smile and a muscular body. I somehow get lost in his stare with those innocent and sparkly eyes, making the anger inside me fade. I feel some kind of warm relief. 

“Uh, I’m Jonghyun. Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to see how you’re doing. I have not heard about you since I found you on the roof a few days ago.”

I snap out, bringing back my scowl. “Why?”

He stutters. “Well-”

“We don’t even know each other.”

“No, but-”

“Do you like me? Is that why you saved me?” I’m getting more pissed with this stranger in my room. “Or are you just trying to be some kind of a hero that saves my life, then our story would turn into a cheesy romantic cliché?

Silence. He just stares at me. Probably awkward and shocked.

“Get out of here before I call security.”

Without saying anything else, he gets up from his seat and walks to the door. Looking flustered, he glances back at me before sliding it close behind him. 

. . .

The moon has come out. It’s the only time of day that I appreciate the outside. I stand before the window, looking out, watching the cars and cabs go about down there. Thinking that there are millions of people existing, I question why the fuck I’m alone. 

Literally. 

Emotionally. 

I fall on my butt, and for the first time in almost a year, I cry out loud. Extremely loud. Numbingly loud. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I pull my hair out, punch my head, slap my own face. Dig my nails into my neck, scratch down to my chest, and then my arms. I kick my legs hysterically. Repeatedly.

I hate being alive. 

Eventually, my hearing went faint, abandoning its purpose. I feel someone grab me from behind, restraining me tightly. 

“Let me go! Just please let me go. Please! I don’t want to be alive anymore.” I continue to scream furiously, trying to escape everything that tries to come at me.

But then, I see that it’s Minho who’s hugging me. I crash into his arms, shut the fuck up, and cry silently. 

“Y/n, I’m here. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’m here for you. Please, stop now,” he hushes me. I can finally hear his voice. He's the only one I can trust. His embrace is the only comforting thing to me.

I’m breathing heavily, trying to calm down. I watch a nurse approach with a syringe but Minho immediately shoves it away. 

We just stayed like this. I have not idea how long but I don’t want it to end.

After some time, the noises in my head settle down. I can see clearly again. 

---

PRESENT DAY

JONGHYUN

After my radio show, I come home to a beautiful lady waiting for me on the couch in the dressing gown I got her for Christmas last year, and a pair of thick-framed reading glasses with a book in hand. 

I join her, laying my head between her breasts. “Hi, roomie.” I look up at her, then give her a wink. We talked about moving in together weeks ago and the day I’d been waiting for has finally come. She’s finally settled in with me. There couldn’t be any other day happier than this.

She hisses. “Shut up,” then goes back to reading her book, blocking my view of her pretty little face. 

I hiss back. I then crawl out off the couch to pick her up bridal style, spinning her around.

Y/n shrieks, laughing. “Jonghyun, stop!” 

So I do. “Oh, hey, we haven’t done that thing couples do once they move in.”

“I thought you were going to be too tired from work,” she says, her arms around my neck.

Her thinking about sex is heaven to me! But that’s not what I’m talking about. “No, stupid,” I chuckle at her while I put her down on her feet. “Come here.” I grab her hand for her to follow me out the front door. 

“Wait, what? Where are we going? I’m not dressed,” she complains.

I close the door once we get out. Y/n is still confused about what we’re doing. I pick her up again, bridal style. “Now, enter the code.”

She doesn’t say anything else and does as I say.

Once she opens the door, “Welcome home!” I cheer.

She laughs out loud. “Oh, so now we’re officially living together. Amazing!” she says playfully.

But I don’t put her down just yet and head to the bedroom.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re doing that other thing that couples do when they move in together.” 

“Yay!” she cheers, then kisses me deeply on the spot as I bring the action to our bedroom. 

---

TWO YEARS EARLIER

There’s a knock on the door while I watch a movie on the flatscreen. I hit pause on the remote control.

“Hyung!” Minho calls out enthusiastically as he enters my room with bags of food in his hand.

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t a guy visit his guy friend who is unlucky enough to get into an accident?” he jokes around, handing me my lunch.

“Thank you very much,” I bow to him. 

Minho and I do some catching up, talking about his new drama series, and some other work stuff until our conversation finds itself about the girl staying next door.

“Then she just kicked me out of her room and threatened to call security on me. This is what she did to a person who saved her life?” I pout.

“Oh, my God. You’re the stalker she’s been talking about?”

“Stalker? Woah, that woman. After what I did for her?” My blood is boiling with intense irritation. But it subsides quickly once I realize something. “Wait, you know her?”

“Yeah, I actually spent the night in her room.”

I pause, staring at Minho in confusion. “You’re not… Nothing’s going on with you two, is there?

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. I’ve known her since childhood. Our parents used to be close. That was when her mother was still alive and her dad hadn’t moved to Japan.”

“Wow, she has it tough, huh?” Just like that, irritation turns compassion. 

“Yeah, but there’s more to that. Something that no one can explain, not even her herself.”

She’s been suicidal. Her depression has taken a lot from her. Hearing this makes me want to look after her more.

---

PRESENT DAY

Y/N

Since then, Jonghyun had been visiting me every evening to have dinner together even when I kept pushing him away, asking him to stop trying to save me.

Days after he got discharged, he came back, but I wasn’t in my room anymore. When he found out that I was transferred to the psychiatric ward, he came running to my door.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were being transferred?”

“Why would I?” I frowned.

“Right,” he laughed awkwardly. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket. 

“Hey, what are you-” 

He trailed off, his face turning red as he listened. It’s definitely Minho.

I suddenly snatched the phone from Jonghyun’s hand and walk near the door out of earshot. “Hey, where the hell are you?” I scolded Minho in a whisper. “You are not letting him-”

“It’s okay, Y/n. He means well. Maybe it’s time for you to let somebody else in for a change,” he laughed statically. “Love you.” 

I sighed in irritation as I heard the dial tone. “Here.” I hand Jonghyun’s phone back to him while he just smiled at me goofily.

If it wasn’t for Minho, I never would’ve trusted anyone again. And because of Jonghyun, trusting and loving again was worth it. 

By the time I got discharged from the ward, Jonghyun and I eventually started dating officially. He was always there for me. Offered to come with me to my therapist twice a week but I insisted that I could go by myself. I would meet the rest of the boys not long after we got together. Since then, I’ve got the best friends ever.

Sooner or later, I would get back to work in teaching kindergarten. I can’t imagine my career going any other way. I thank myself for being alive today. Some days, I’d join Jonghyun and the boys in organizing a charity mission. I’d teach kids in far provinces. I forgot how fulfilling working with children was when I was too busy being miserable.

I’ve never felt so alive. Not to mention grateful. 

“I’m so proud of you, honey,” my dad tells me with a big smile on his face.

“Thanks, Dad,” I smile back at my computer screen. “By the way, when are you coming? You should tell me ahead of time so I can prepare you something.”

Before I can hear his response, the front door of my apartment beeped. “Oh, I have to go. Jonghyun’s here.”

“I should really meet this Jonghyun. You’re talking about him a lot,” he says.

I shake my head and laugh at him before hanging up.

“Was that your dad?” Jonghyun asks as soon as he approaches and kisses me on the lips.

“Yeah.”

“Is he coming to visit?”

“He didn’t say,” I tell him, shutting down my laptop.

I stare at Jonghyun while he removes his shoes and walks towards me.

“What?” he asks, then kisses me on the forehead.

Trying not to tear up, I just shake my head and giggle at him. If it wasn’t for Jonghyun, my life would be so much different right now. Hell, I’d be dead. Because of him, I regained my bond with my dad. 

Months ago, they had to go to Japan for work and he made me come with them so my father and I could finally talk. We had never seen eye to eye ever since Mom died. We had drifted apart. Now, we are closer than ever.

I’m not saying my depression is gone and my attacks are non-existent anymore. They still come every now and then, although not as bad as before. Jonghyun has always been so caring and understanding. I could cry just thinking about it. I got to be with the best person and have the best friends in the world. 

[professorjjong]

absolutely disgusted just innocently went into youtube shorts and the first two videos were a sensitive moment of jinki's after jonghyun passed and the second was liTERally an edit of minho struggling to talk about jonghyun with images of his funeral and a generic sad song played over it.

this is exploitative. this is gross.

i dont care if you call yourself a shawol or a blinger or fucking anything these are real moments of real people dealing with the tragic death of someone. they are not content. do not fucking do this.

[silmarillaure]

The news about riize has made me so angry. These people are absolutely fucking disgusting and something seriously needs to be done about this. Taeil can drug and gang rape a girl and everyone’s silent but a boy smokes and has a girlfriend predebut??? And people act like this! Its ridiculous… but also I can’t believe you like both silm AND Kpop!! What groups do you stan? Who are your biases?

T@e!l is the wrong comparison to make here.

No one supports T@e!l, Korean & International netizens ALL hate him. He was immediately removed (thankfully) and I think everyone just wants to forget about his existence because who wants to keep a r@p!st on their mind. There's nothing to protest for, his career is done.

Obviously Seunghan's treatment by OT6 Briize is evil & unforgivable though. It just has nothing to do with T@e!l and isn't comparable.

It's just purely stupid & idiotic how OT6 Briize wanted to & succeeded in punishing Seunghan for being a normal teenager. It happened PRE-debut, years ago... it's pointless witch hunting him for it now, but apparently not being a celibate virgin is punishable by d@ath threats & having to leave your group.

The thing is, just look at the rest of RIIZE. They're all beautiful gorgeous boys. Do the same people who hate Seunghan for dating think that pretty boy Wonbin & k-drama beauty Sungchan have always been and will always be single? How did they look at Seunghan's stunning face and think he would have no game?

This is ridiculous and it's even more ridiculous SM caved in and sided with the people sending him funeral wreaths for the sin of dating. They've never been good at defending their artists from haters, but some of their most popular artists/former artists have had dating "scandals". Jonghyun, Taeyeon, Baekhyun, Kai, Krystal... they all got a terrible amount of hate but didn't loose their careers.

....

My Stan List & Biases:

BTS: Got me into K-pop and are true artists. Their Korean discography is a masterpiece & I love how BTS's rapline are real rappers and not just "Idol rappers" who mumble/fast talk. Also I appreciate the Rapline's heavy involvement in their music, they do way more than most idols. (OT7 are all my biases but Jin & J-Hope are my bias wreckers.)

ATEEZ: I've been a fan for years now & I'm so proud of how far they've come. I can't say I love every single comeback but their music usually grows on me & when it works it just works. Seonghwa & Hongjoong are my biases & Yeosang is my bias wrecker but I love everyone.

Le Sserafim: Sakura Miyawaki is my queen & she is a stage presence demon who I will defend til my last breath. They're also the funniest group. Eunchae is my bias wrecker, she's so gosh darn cute & charming.

Victon (now inactive): They had some good f*cking music. I still keep up with by bias Han Seungwoo's releases with are usually good.

WOODZ (soloist): I love self produced idols who make good music. Not to mention he's also good at everything & doesn't lack in vocals, dance, or rap. What an icon!

ZB1: I know they're a temporary group but they're genuinely one of the best groups ever. I can't believe such a perfect group was made with no MNET rigging! Each member is so talented & they ALL deserved their spots in the group. Not to mention they're all funny af with great visuals. Haobin are my biases & everyone else is a bias wrecker.

NCT Dream: I stan them but I don't really have a bias or bias wrecker. I like them all about the same & their bond as a group is heartwarming. Their music is also the best in NCT.

I would stan NCT 127... if only I liked their music. Yuta is my bias & Taeyong is my bias wrecker though.

I don't quite stan ILLIT, but I was rooting for Moka all throughout the survival show RUNext. I'm so glad she made it and it's amazing to see her become so popular when she was really underappreciated pre-debut. I'm also just rooting for all the girls in general, they seem very sweet & deserve the best.

Also not quite K-pop but (K)J-pop - JO1: I love them, I love their music, I love their voices, their visuals, their personalities, amazing. Junki is my bias (oshi in Japanese) & Ren is my bias wrecker.

[shownumetal]

i would advise maybe staying off twitter and youtube for the next few days if you want to avoid paparazzi footage/pictures of moonbin’s funeral. it was constant and everywhere when jonghyun died

[aajjks]

this is so fucked up and disrespectful beyond belief.

Some fans are so disgusting for editing the pictures from jonghyuns funeral to moonbins and posting them on twitter…

How can ppl be like that? It is so disrespectful and insensitive to jonghyun and moonbin. Have some respect.