#jon is a pathetic meow meow

[thedeaddraws]

You wake up at 3am to something scratching at your windows. You look outside and see this. What do you do

Alternative pre-s4 version:

[milocelium]

Martin is the kind of guy to be like “you’ll never get me to beg for my life!!” And Jon is the kind of guy to be like “HES JOKING PLEASE DONT KILL US PLEASE”

[embryoblast]

↑ Him ↑

[lesbians4armand]

can you tell i had a lot of fun with this website

[burke-juliet]

When you just got out of a six month coma and one of your subordinates wants to kill you and this is the advice another subordinate gives you. King of pathetic fictional men (affectionate)

[foggy-eyed-poet]

I wanna make an animatic with Lent by autoheart but I can't decide between these two

[delusion1ncarnate]

jon "the most personally horrifying and deeply defining moment of my childhood was when i observed something horrible happening to someone and was unable to prevent it or help them and now i am forcibly serving an all powerful fear entity by constantly feeding on other people's fear and their knowledge that their pain and terror is being witnessed by someone who is simply choosing to watch them suffer without offering help. this is fine. " sims

[roadkill-bones]

On his way to getting kidnapped 3 times :3

[uh-oh-its-bird]

Why are there only 6 crossovers between TMA and Naruto that's so sad. Jon is like an actual nightmare for literally any ninja ever actually. Like sure he wouldn't last a single second in a fight but his ability to pry any information out of anyone would make him a horror of epic proportions.

You've heard of talk no jutsu its time for unwilling trauma dump no jutsu. Ik Jon feeds off of fear, especially and specifically of fear of entities but just for the fic let's pretend he can sustain off trauma alone. This world is a FEAST actually, everyone has mountains of trauma he can not walk 2 steps without running into a full course meal.

Jon is reducing mr poster boy for supressing your emotions Kakashi to actual tears, leaving him to ramble about his heaps and heaps of trauma then tripping over a stone in the road and snapping his wrist clean in half. He has physical stats in the negative but he remains untouchable bc he gets one word out and boom trauma dump time.

Jon: "Excu—"

Random Ninja #4: "Sometimes I look down at my hands and find them covered in their blood once again. No matter how hard I scrub it never comes off. The silence taunts me. The dark whispers to me. Do you think if I embraced the darkness it could finally end?"

Jon: "Right then, err— I'll just look for the exit on my own."

Random Ninja #4, tears streaming steadily down their face as they stare at something only they can see: "I can still hear their screams. It never stops. Every day, in and out, it hums in the back of my mind. They grow so loud in the quiet, I can't even hear myself think. I'll never be rid of them, I don't deserve to be rid of them—"

Jon actually has trouble having a single conversation with literally anyone bc everyone has so much shit weighing on their mind it's near impossible to NOT accidentally compell them into sharing. It's awful!! He wants it to stop!!! At this point he's debating just not talking and carrying around some paper and a pen with him.

Anyways I just think the potential for TMA/Naruto is off the charts actually. So many crossovers come down to strength vs strength as a deciding factor of how the chips land but Jon is like THE pathetic meow meow most ever. Tho tbf he's also a certified roach, can not be killed no matter how bad he sometimes looks like he WANTS to die. Jon's strengths are literally all talk, you could put a knife in his hand and he'd probably accidentally stab himself with it 5 minutes in. I want to see a fic where in a world of strength everyone is terrified of a man who can do nothing but make you talk.

Also he's British. Cmon. Stuffy british man meets forest ninjas. That's funny.

[fenraheart]

Welcome to my rant on why Mike walters is a worse person than Jon sims so people should be nicer to jon by the transitive property

I think a lot about comparisons between woe.begone and tma because they’re both hyperfixations but anyways here’s my unfiltered 2 am thoughts

(Spoilers for both ahead)

(Making the note now that “mike walters” refers to a collective of ALL mikes walters)

Something I find interesting is that mike walters is probably a worse person than Jon sims (despite Jon being sort of the cause for actually literally the end of the world), and yet mike’s friends are more sympathetic to mike than Jon’s friends are to Jon.

Like, Jon was manipulated into that, obviously he didn’t *want* that. I don’t really attribute that to him. Tbh the worst he’s done is eat some fear and kill some evil ppl but that’s not that bad. (My standards have been shifted so far due to mike walters LMAO)

You could *argue* that mike has been forced into doing shit but half the time it’s mike’s future/alternate self doing the forcing. He’s literally going “yeah I’m doing this to get time travel (power), not to help Matt” in season ONE. Part of the reason he wants power is because people are trying to kill him but like. It’s the pursuit of a horrifying technology beyond what humanity should have (cosmic horror, but that’s a separate tumblr post I’ll make at some point). I struggle to find a reason WHY Mike wants more and more power so bad but that’s part of the point. There isn’t really a point, other than to be the strongest one, the one on top.

Like, Jon is really trying to save the world. Mike wants power so that he can’t be pushed around by those above him. Both are willing to kill/hurt to survive, but mike’s motivations are inherently more selfish.

(There’s also the “mike(y?) kills 1500 people” thing but tbh im currently coping and hoping hunter’s lying about that one 🙂)

Anyways. Arguably Jon has a higher kill count if you count the apocalypse, but I don’t, so mike has the higher kill count and I love him for that.

Which brings me to my point. Why are people so mean to Jon??? He’s literally trying to do the right thing and manipulated at every step of the way. If mike “killed way more people than the average person” walters can have nice friends then Jon deserves nice friends. Mike will shoot someone he doesn’t know in cold blood if someone convinces him it’s for Edgar.

I’m spitballing here but it might be their meow meow factor. Jon tries to be appear more competent than he is, tries to cover up the inner pathetic meow meow. Mike is whiny and he canonically has “puppy dog eyes” and looks at people like 🥺 when they’re trying to kill him. He’s literally a cat he knocks things off the shelf (kills people) but then he goes 🥺 and you can’t stay mad at him. He openly admits to attempting to appear MORE PATHETIC to get a guy choking and threatening him to stop.

I have a databases midterm tomorrow so here are some functional dependencies of questionable accuracy of what a functional dependency is

Mike is a worse person than Jon —> his friends are nice to him

Jon is an okay person —> his friends are mean to him

Jon is an okay person —> mike is a worse person than jon

And here’s the kicker (transitive property):

Jon is an okay person —> his friends (should be) nice to him

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I'm soo sorry Eddie, but Jon is my favorite characther from Batman the Audio Adventure now. I love my pathetic poor little meow meow and how he adapted so instead of bettering Batman and losing constantly he would just fuck with Jeremiah Arkham until the doctor snaped. That being said Scarecrow is a DELIGHT. He is at same time funny and scary. He is soo confindent even when his wrong (like with Bruce being a Batman fanboy) and he is SUCH a freak. He is a creature horror fan and very passionate. He goes all in into his mal pratice. And he decided to be the most unsubtle person ever with threatning Bruce. He doesn't have empathy and he doesn't know how to fake it but he seems to think he is doing a good job at pretending to be caring person. He is constantly singing and his happiness over the organ! I love him. I adore that derranged man.

[sammusbird]

25 jonathan antichrist sims

1-25 for Jonathan "Antichrist" Sims Archivist? Coming right up

I love his corruption arc and hate that he doesn't eat enough bread.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character? Bad skin. Unwatered crops.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character? Doesn't accept his best frenemie Helen :(

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? The book 1984, or a giant Eye, OR a blender.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them? Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In! by Will Wood.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? Love the green eyeball orbs that follow this bastard around SOOOOOOOO much

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? Lied to me about him being MENA representation

9. Could you be roommates with this character? Ohhhh my shit never

10. Could you be best friends with this character? Not unless he changes his mind about Helen

11. Would you date this character? Never

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? Stinky

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot? nerdy emoji

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character. Lots of plaid and dark cheap blazers

15. JMART has the best name of any ship ever

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character? Jon and George were not meant to be

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with? I can't think of any other ships

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? Jon and Daisy are epic bros

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like? BE NICE TO BESTIE HELEN WAHHHHHH

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter? Tim. With benefits.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them? I have actually forgotten all characters ever. Han Solo and Bernd das Brot. Teru from Mob Psycho 100. I'm trying my best here OH SHIT CALEB WIDOGAST FROM CRITICAL ROLE

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? My first impression was that Jon Archivist was this super cool, super cursed, super star-crossed protagonist on a corruption arc a la Macbeth, going further and further down a dark path despite his best efforts. I now know I was incorrect and Jon Archivist is a miserable terrible pathetic little meow meow and the Ceaseless Watcher's most special guy. It loves him soooooooo so so much because he always keeps getting into terrible situations and somehow surviving on his own. to the point that when Daisy sees Jon in the Buried she outright says it. yaya

[rookfeatherrambles]

I cannot wait for people to click on my fic and be like 'oh boy I wonder what poor lil meow meow disowned-by-the narrative Jarchivist Sims is gonna be like in this one!'

And I wish I could see their faces when they realize he's definitely not a pathetic wet cat Jon Sims at all >:3

He's a full on man eating, human killing sea monster and he enjoys it, enjoys causing pain, because he is deeply wounded individual himself.

God.

Delicious.

[annabelle--cane]

"Jon languishing in last" our boy manages to still be the most pathetic sad poor little meow meow even in a poll all about crying from trauma

I should warp over to the tma universe and tell him he's losing the crying contest to see if it makes him cry any harder

[a-mag-a-day]

i actually liked leitner! very pathetic, very shitty, dare i say very meow meow... (side note if jon had quit smoking for five years then how did he have a cigarette on hand, or did he go all the way to the shops?)

Say what you will about Leitner, he's surprisingly self aware of his own patheticness

Regarding Jon, an interesting question! Perhaps the web lighter compelled him to buy a pack at some point and he didn't notice until it let him? 👀 👀 Hmmm

[itchyeye]

Would you mind doing 1 and/or 14 for the ask game?

omg ty for asking so politely 🥺

1. the character everyone gets wrong

for real i think very few people get jon right!! he is not a cold calculated supergenius and he is especially not a pathetic wet incompetent little baby laying in a puddle of his own tears on the pavement

jon has a lot of depth and painful insecurity and a lot of things wrong with him, and as much as he truly is my pathetic wet little meow meow he is also smart and capable and special, because if he wasn't all of those things he would have never been made archivist

he is brave and strong and interesting and i wish the narrative had taken him to the much more logical conclusion after driving him into the corner that it did, but truly so many people treat jon as just martin's boyfriend or elias' plaything, and he is very much his own fully realized person

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i don't actually read enough fanfic to answer this i don't think!! i guess my answer for #1 applies here too in that i see those jon mischaracterizations a lot

choose violence ask game