#joking. but. okay. having watched thor 1 at a human speed for once in my life. i understand why ppl find it hard to follow sjfjskdsk

[tyrannuspitch]

describing a marvel movie as "cerebral" and getting asked not to come back to film club

[dontbeathorloser-blog]

Three Blondes Walk Into A Bar || Hulkling, Thor and Quasar

Teddy, Thor and Wendell are dispatched on a mission to investigate a dangerously drifting oil tanker. However not all is as it appears.

Teddy landed with a thud on the ship’s control centre, wings morphing away into his back. He wasn’t trying to be quiet, they were to be expected. He jumped down onto the ships deck and entered the room. He had planned to speak to the captain of the ship, but the room was empty which wasn’t normal. “Hulkling to team, the captain isn’t here, maybe they abandoned ship to let us do our thing or he’s in the engineering room or whatever.” Teddy wasn’t sure how ships worked, but he was sure the captain was supposed to be steering, but if the ship couldn’t change course, he supposed that you didn’t really need to steer. He was nervous, it was the first time working with Thor and Quasar, he was used to his team, but when S.H.I.E.L.D asks, you don’t exactly say no. “I can see the Island so I think we might have to move fast.”

While Wendell was still not an official hero, his probation offered him a bit of leeway when it came to getting a spot on certain missions that would not prove too much to handle. The upward limits of his absorption still couldn’t be determined so he was prohibited from being assigned anywhere with high voltage or energy reserves, though that didn’t seem to stop S.H.I.E.L.D. from pairing him up with Thor. He was instructed to stay closer to Hulkling just for good measure. This was why he hovered close to where Teddy had dipped into the ship’s upper deck. He landed soon after the younger male and began moving into the ship’s inner workings. “Quasar here,” he said into the intercommunication device lodged behind his ear. “I’ll head toward the engine room. These things aren’t electrical, so I can’t syphon any energy off of it, but I can try to shut off the main gas supply from in there.”

Though he had been on missions with the other Avengers before, Thor had never had the pleasure of operating with a S.H.I.E.L.D. ‘team’ before. They’d given him a comm channel, a small ear piece that they slotted into his left ear, before strapping a microphone to his helmet and even giving him a brief on what he should expect. “This is Thunderbird.” He had decided that he needed a new codename other than y’know, his actual name. “Wait no this is Lightningbird,” he smirked before shaking his head as he continued to hover above the ship, “I need more time for my new name.” He decided as he watched the ship drift closer and closer to the island at an alarming rate. “As soon as we cut the power I can prevent the ship from continuing in it’s trajectory, but at it’s current rate I won’t be able to halt it’s progress.” Even the God of Thunder had limits.

Teddy couldn’t help but laugh as Thor rattled off codenames. “I think you should stick to Thor.” He chuckled before leaving the room and making his way to the front deck of the ship. The ship gave him the shivers, like a ghost town would. “I don’t get it, where is everyone? There weren’t any evac vehicles we passed on the way here.” He realized that he wasn’t exactly being useful and leaped off the deck and flew towards the front of the tanker. He wasn’t used to not having America lead the team and nobody giving him orders. “Thor, or uh, Thunderbird 1, perhaps if we push the front of the ship on one side, we could change its direction?” He wasn’t sure if he’d have enough strength to work against the ships steering mechanisms, especially at this speed, but they had to try something in case Quasar couldn’t shut the engines off.

“Yeah, it’s almost a little too Twilight Zone for me. That show always gave me the creeps,” Wendell mentioned as he wandered about looking for the engine room. He found it rather swiftly. After inspecting the door and listening for any odd sounds, he pushed in and was met with a set of pipes and gears he had no clue how to work. If only he’d gone into the Navy reserves instead of infantry. “Yeah, okay...eenie...meenie...minie...you.” He grabbed onto a valve and spun it. Fire reared from the oil burner and he jumped back as it hissed, blue eyes blinking rapidly through his possible blunder. He pressed the intercom with the pad of his index finger. “Not sure which valve is the one with the fuel in it, so I’ll just turn them all.” And that’s what he did, going about spinning cogs indiscriminately until the whirring noises tapered out. “How’s it looking out there, Hulkling and Lightningbird? Are we losing any speed?”

“I’ve re-thought the bird options and decided that I am not only to majestic to be known as a bird, but also far too deadly, but Thunderrattleshark doesn’t have the same ambiance, bards wouldn’t sing great tales of Thunderrattleshark the Lord of Lightning,” Thor,  ordered as he hung in the air momentarily before dropping down and placing Stormbreaker on his back. With it securely in place, he moved to the front of the ship and then to the right. Pushing with all his might, he could feel the ship begin to turn and begin to slow down. Of course it would be far more difficult than he had anticipated. That was just the way of the world. Sighing dejectedly, he moved back up to the deck of the ship and spotted the ships anchor. “Hulkling, try and find a way to drop the anchors, that will slow the ship down enough to stop it I believe.” With his new plan in mind, he wiped sweat from his brow and kept pushing, doing everything in his might to stop the ship.

Hulking thought Thor’s codename was ridiculous. “I honestly think Thor works just fine.” He flew over to the back of the ship and landed on the anchor. He jumped a few times before changing his plan. He was now tugging at the metal chains that held the anchor in place. “It’s not working, where would the mechanisms be?” With a flag of the wings, he leaped to the control room again, pushing and pulling every button and lever he could, even scaring himself by pulling the ships horn by accident. Eventually his hand made his way to a lever that had its end broken off. “I found the anchor lever, but it’s broken off.” He couldn’t understand why. “Guys, I have a bad feeling about this…”

A lot of things happened all at once. The whirring of the oil had stopped, but in its place came a sudden grinding and a force against the side of the ship Wendell could only assume was from his allies attempting to stop the ship. His communication device buzzed with their conversation and he headed his way out of the engine room to the front deck. “We missed ‘a bad feeling’ two lefts ago. This took a sharp right into—Oh fuck!” Suddenly, the ship’s grinding had increased exponentially, becoming terribly jarring to the ear. Wendell had to cup his head to try and keep out the sound. One of his eyes was forced shut in a flinch. “Guys, it’s…” he tried to get out, but ended up wincing as his ears popped. It carried on for about a minute or so, with each second droning on for individual eternities. Once it passed, Wendell’s ears held a constant ring to them that made his teeth feel the need to chatter. He almost missed the sound of the lower deck opening up. Heavy footfall indicated that people were approaching the upper deck. “We, uh, have company.”

Thor had been forcing his body against the ship as its engines had cut out. Driving his shoulder into a boat that dwarfed any Viking longboat that he had ridden on was something he hadn’t exactly planned. He couldn’t help groaning from the strain of it, he heard the ship protest and creak in response as he pushed it away from the island or at least attempted to. As he finally managed to stall the ship, he hovered for a moment. Seconds later he began moving to the deck of the ship, he forcefully grasped the anchor and tugged it into the ocean without too much strain. “Thor here; I have solved our little anchor problem,” he said into his comm link, “Quasar, can you tell who the company is, something about the entire scenario is peculiar. The oddness of this situation would startle even the good Doctor Stephen Strange.” He laughed, loudly at his own joke. “Hulkling, you’re closer to Quasar’s position and it will take me a few moments to reach either of you. Link up and head for the deck, I want to be able to execute a swift exit if necessary.” He took one final look at the ship, as it slowly ground to a halt a  ew kilometres off the island coast,

Teddy’s jaw had somewhat dropped open at the might of Thor as he yanked the anchor chain loose. Thor’s order had awaken him and he realized he was staring at the muscular god through the ships front windows that peered out onto the decks out front. “Yeah, Right, On it.” He said as he turned on his heels and ran straight into another muscular man, not quite impressive as Thor, but still intimidating, that was blocking the cabin’s exit. Teddy stumbled backwards before speaking, “Excuse me, I believe you’re in the way.” The changeling quickly let his human form morph into his natural alien state, growing taller in seconds. “I’d say pick on someone your own size, but oh wait, that’s me now too.” He threw a punch at the man, he blocked it and delivered one of his own. The two sparred for a few seconds before Teddy finally threw a winning punch and knocked the other man out. “The company isn’t exactly friendly.” He stated over the comms, something he was sure Wendel already knew. “Where are you Quasar?”

After blinking through the pain that rang in his ears, Wendell touched the device near his ear to hear what the others were saying. Handle the company. Got it. “I’m coming,” he said as he quickly rushed down to where he could hear the footfall. As he moved, he flexed both of his hands and channeled as much sunlight as he could with the cover of the ship overhead. It wasn’t a lot, but it might be just enough to knock a few people down. He rounded a corner, got a good look at ten men rushing in the opposite direction, and the speed he used to spin back around that same corner before he was shot could only be described as inhuman. “I’m here.” He needed to quickly form a plan to dispatch all of the enemies in front of him. He didn’t think he had enough energy to create a cage just yet. How about a ball? One formed in his hands about the size of a baseball and the footsteps were only getting closer. He allowed it to bounce between his hands for only a moment, then sent it flying on the other side of the corner. It connected with the first man’s chest, bursted, and took out all but one of his allies with a strong pulse. The last man stood on shaky legs, having been knocked backward. Wendell was fast. He crowded the stranger’s space and delivered a punch to the man’s face with enough force to flip him. He took a second to survey them. “I think...they don’t look like crewmen.” Wendell had no time to check them out any further, however, as he was now face-to-face with another group. There was a man with a safari hat and an admission, one that the blond superhero was sure to record through his communication device for his teammates to hear. They were a distraction. The real poaching was commencing as they spoke. “Uh oh.”

The unfamiliar accent that rang through their comms as the man in the safari hat addressed Wendell, made it clear to Thor that they weren’t here for a meet and greet. Quite the opposite infact. Apparently they were attempting to empty animals off of the island, something that Thor could not abide by. He was a protector of the weak, a defender of the innocent and he would not allow these men to continue to take advantage of those who were unable to defend and protect themselves. “I shall way lay them before they can move the animals,” he announced, leaping into the air and using his abilities to take flight. “But I’ve got company.” Already he could spot aircraft moving towards him as he streaked through the sky heading towards the island. Twin propellers sending the aircraft hurtling towards him were the least of his worries however. The most pressing matter was the arsenal of high tech weapons hanging from the bottom of the black ship. A peppering of energy blasts rattled past him, scorching his armour and knocking him lower in altitude. “I’ve got company, make sure that the targets on the ship are detained, I’ll handle this.”

Teddy instantly felt torn. He wanted to help Thor save the animals, but at the same time, they still had to take down the men on the ship and essentially stop it. He raced down stairs to below deck, summoning Excelsior and taking out anyone who stood in his way. Teddy knew he was getting close when a flash of light appeared down the hall. Quickly he turned the corner, prepared for anything. He turned the corner so fast that he almost tripped over the men that had been knocked out by Wendell. “Woah. Nice job dude.” He said with a smile before wiping his head around in the direction which more footsteps were coming from. “Do you think you can do that again?” He asked with a smirk. He more than okay to stay behind and fight At Wendell’s side, but they were running out of time. “I mean, do you think you can do that again but at the engine? If you can shut it down, I’ll handle these guys?”

Relief was only temporary when Teddy appeared, mostly because he was being shot at only seconds later. Wendell rushed forward. He kept his body low to the floorboards beneath him to make his target smaller and harder to hit, allowing him to close the distance between himself and the first man. With aggressive force, he lifted the man up and slammed him down onto the ship. Thankfully, he didn’t have enough energy stored for extra augmented strength or he could’ve knocked him through the material of the vessel. “I think I’ve already fried the engine. We should be coming to a full stop soon,” he replied as he worked around the first guy’s body and knocked his fist into the face of a second. Then a third. Another man shot him in the back and the blue pulse of his weapon wrapped around the impact zone, drawing itself into Wendell’s bands as he toppled forward. His eyes flashed yellow and he had to quickly roll away to recover. “...but I can expedite that process if i can just get my hands on one of their weapons.” He slid toward the first guy, snatched his gun, rolled away and landed near the second, stole a second weapon, and took off for the bow of the ship. “I’m leaving them to you. I’m gonna go stop the ship.” As he moved, Wendell gripped the high powered firearms between both hands and concentrated on pulling the energy from them. The power coursed through him like blood through veins, only it was far warmer than he cared for it to be. He wouldn’t keep it for long, however. “Alright. All passengers please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at this time and brace yourselves for impact.” His body was obviously rejecting it and he released it as he held his hands out in front of him. A large wall of yellow light sketched itself out in front of the ship and when the mass made contact, the entire ship jolted, but it broke through the wall. Slowly. Very slowly. The grinding noise began again, but this time it felt like it was coming to a close any time now.

Ducking beneath a third volley of energy blasts that hurtled his way, Thor dipped towards the water before soaring upwards. Energy coarsed through Stormbreaker, and a lance of lightning hurtled towards the aircraft, clipping its undercarriage and sending it spiralling through the air. But it didn’t take long for the pilot to regain control, and within moments he had retaliated, hitting Thor with not a single missile, but three. Two seemed excessive, but as the third explosion caught his side he went head over heels and crashed into the cold ocean water. Gasping for breath, he pushed his wet cape out of his face and took flight once more. Charging his hammer as he went, he slammed the electrically charged weapon through the windshield and jerked it free, punching the lights out of the pilot and taking a step backwards before allowing the aircraft to spiral towards the water, a plume of black smoke pouring off of the aircraft as it collapsed into the waves that crashed below. “I’ve dealt with our air company, if you two can cope with the villains who’ve taken possession of this ship then I shall do my utmost to prevent the poaching of anymore elephants and rhinos, but I must go now.”

Everything happened so fast that Teddy could barely grasped what had actually happened. Before he knew it, Wendell has disarmed two men and left Teddy alone with a mixture of conscious and unconscious men. His mind quickly caught up with the situation and he finished off the rest of the men before he began to drag the bodies into an open room nearby. The room seemed to be sleeping quarters with no way out except the front door. Teddy grunted as the ship jerked and sent him stumbling to the floor. He was about to complain but he assumed it was Wendell working his magic and stopping the ship. Teddy shifted the heavy men into the room and closed the door behind him, punching the door handle and breaking it so that the men couldn’t escape. “Cleanup in aisle 9 completed.” He said over the coms before making his way to Wendell’s side and patting him on the back. “Good job dude.” Teddy couldn’t help feeling that he wasn’t really needed on this mission, not with heroes like Thor and Quasar around. “Thor, do you need backup or are you good?”

Seeing heroes in action was something Wendell could admit he could watch for hours. He was a trained fighter, capable of holding his own against the enemy by very human standards, but the famous Avengers and those with similar clout were just more awesome than simple military training. He couldn’t help but think that when he watched Thor face off against the helicopter. It had more than just distracted him too. He’d stopped moving, feet planted firmly beneath him as he stared up with wide blue eyes and a mouth that was slightly agape. The god of thunder was a marvel of muscle and strength, capable of rather easily dispatching an entire aircraft. It was truly impressive. “What a man.” The words came out of him without a second thought. He didn’t even think to register that they’d actually been from his voice until he was being clapped on the back by his other teammate. Wendell looked over to him, checking the younger male for any signs of physical injury, and then smiled at him. The tips of his ears were pink, but not from any chill. “Thanks. You too. Sorry I left you with so many of them,” he said softly. He then looked back up to the skies. His finger tapped at his communication device. “I should go call the proper authorities, huh? Wait with the boat while you two handle the rest of the poachers.”

Hurtling through the air, Thor spotted a small camp full of cages and poachers with guns. There were some very depressed looking elephants and rhinos, he at least recognised those. Not all of Earth’s fauna and wildlife was as familiar to him as he would’ve liked, however there was only so much that he could learn in a limited time. But he recognised these two rather famous animals at least. They were something that he had seen on the discovery channel with his roommate Darryl. Pausing for a moment, he hung in the air before summoning a tempest. Dark clouds rumbled in the sky above him, thunder boomed and lightning crackled before it began to fork down towards the ground. Striking the sand and turning it into glass with the pure force behind it. “My name is Thor, God of Thunder, rightful heir to the throne of Asgard and you all have a few moments to vacate this island and never come back before I turn you into rugs for my castle.” He allowed the lightning within him to leak from his eyes, energy pouring out of him. The poachers seemed too terrified to move, until one of them picked up what looked like a rocket launcher and opened fire at Thor. “I think we might need all of us for this one.”

Teddy wasn’t too excited to leave Wendell alone to wait for the authorities, not because he didn’t think that Wendell could handle it, he was just used to the mindset of leaving no one alone during a team mission. A small sigh of relief left his mouth when Thor called for both their help, now he didn’t have to stress about it. With a grunt, reptilian wings sprouted from his shoulder blades and stretched up. “Basically a dinosaur here.” He joked and with a flap, his body began to defy gravity. “Keep up Quasar.” And with that he was off, soaring through the air. Thanks to Thor, they didn’t have to worry about any aircraft, but Teddy realized why Thor had called them when he approached the camp. A rocket launcher had been brought out and had Thor occupied. Teddy flew up before hurtling towards the ground, and just before impact, used his wings as a parachute, breaking his fall but still allowing him to land with enough force to crush the bonnet of one of their vehicles. Then, with a hulk-like leap, he flew over the heads and landed close to the rocket launcher. Teddy summoned Excelsior again, but before he even had times to use it, bullets from automatic weapons rained down on him, causing him to tuck and roll behind a nearby vehicle. “I — should have thought this through.”

Wendell wasn’t sure what to make of Thor needed assistance, considering something that would trump him would surely be too much for the new hero. However, he put the thought of his own inadequacies aside when Teddy began to fly up. Right. They were supposed to be...doing that. His bands gave the faintest of glows and his body began to rise as well, albeit a little shakily at first. “O-on it!” he called after the other blond and rushed behind him. Without any energy reserves, he wasn’t moving nearly as fast as he could have been, so it appeared more like a lazy flying stroll than a real flight. The upside to this was getting to take that extra time to assess the camp. There were plenty of people, including a few with war-grade weapons, but this brought more comfort than worry in Wendell’s mind. He may have still been rather green in the gills when it came to plasma cannons and the like, but bullets he understood. Men armed with bullets were exactly the sort of people he was trained to take down. He rushed toward a man with one of the launchers while he was distracted with Thor and collided with him, wrapping his thighs around the man’s head and flipping himself to bring the man to the ground. Once they landed, he rolled and kicked the man on the side of the neck, then turned his attentions to the others harrying Teddy. He was able to draw half of their gaze when he began disarming the men with standard CQC. That soon turned into most of their attention in seconds. His knuckles were going to be bruised after this mission.

Thor could’ve dealt with the men on the beach on his own. It would’ve been painful and it would’ve taken him a lot longer than he had time for. But he could’ve done it. He was sure that it would include many injuries and wounds that he could do without. But friendship was forged in battle, he could read. He could see that the times were changing and bringing about a change that would require them to stand strong together. If they were ever going to build a team together then it would be on moments such as these. “Quasar, keep dealing with the launchers, I shall draw most of their hellfire if I can help it.” Pausing once more, he raised Stormbreaker and leaped through the air, bringing the hammer down on an enemy with a savage strike. Thunder crackled through the sky, lightning lancing through him and blasting them backwards. “Teddy, you are on crowd control, prevent these villains from escaping and keep them from hurting anyone else. I will have all of their heads by the end of this.”

Teddy almost rolled his eyes as Thor said crowd control. That’s always what the sidekicks or kids are used for, but as Thor continued his sentence, he realized that’s not what Thor was asking of him. “Roger Dodger.” Teddy said but instantly regretted. “I mean, I got this.” Teddy leaped from his hiding place. Thanks to Wendell, the bullets had mostly stopped flying in his direction. With sword in hand, Teddy began working his way around all the vehicles, slashing tires and ‘hulk-smashing’ the engines. These bad guys were going nowhere unless they planned on going on foot. Taking out bad guys here and there, Teddy made his way through the camp and eventually came across the area where the animal cages where being kept. What would the poachers be fighting for if their goods were released back into the wild? Besides, a charging rhino would only help their cause right? Not right. As soon as Teddy broke the cage open, a small herd of three rhino’s charged off in Wendell’s direction. “Quasar! Watch out!” He shouted before leaping and mounting one of the rhino’s backs. He swung his sword out at any poacher in arms length, but most moved out of the animal’s path anyway. “At least they weren’t elephants.”

Had it not been for the very professional nature of their current mission, something entirely different might have been an immediate response to Wendell receiving an order. He could thank whatever deity above later that he chose the words: “Yes sir.” The alternative might have turned him into mush. Which, all things considered, was probably better than looking like cartoon cheese with all of the bullet holes the poachers were about to make a permanent part of his anatomy. He had to dodge and maneuver the best he could around the enemies, knocking out those who took their eyes off of him for a second and trying to disarm as many as he could along the way to the launchers. He managed to disrupt their ability to fire any more rockets when thunderous footfall caught his attention. He looked over, seemingly at the same time as every other able-bodied individual in the area, and screamed internally. Only...the internal scream appeared to have also happened externally. Additionally, for some reason, his first reaction was to push his hips out at the creature, as if somehow being presented with his pert backside would make them think ‘ew, a butt’ and they’d change course of direction. They didn’t. Wendell had to roll out of the way, narrowly missing getting fully trampled, and his recovery involved him thrusting his body at a nearby poacher. He lunged at the man and brought him down to the ground with him, sitting on his chest and punching him in the face. “I think I would’ve preferred the elephants. At least they’re…” he trailed off. His body rolled off of the man and he drop-kicked the next man, laying him out just as fast as he did the previous one. “...gentle.”

Thor paused for a moment to watch his team in action. It worked. They weren’t working together perfectly yet, but there was something here. More than something. This was a team that he would confidently work with once more. “Good job comrades,” he boomed as he caused a circle of lightning to spark out of the sky and prevent any of the poachers from escaping. “Their weapons are a bit too powerful for them to have done this on their own,” he said as he narrowly avoided what looked like a chitauri laser blast before dismantling the gun with a swing of Stormbreaker, “perhaps there is something more to this than a ship off course as a distraction to allow some poachers to steal ivory, a barbaric act if I ever saw one.” He ducked beneath the swing of one of the bad guys, and knocked them on their arse with a hammer swing.

Teddy looked back at Wendell to make sure he was alright before shakely standing up on the rhino and leaping off it’s back, landing on a poacher and punching his friend in the face almost simultaneously. Wendell had performed a good job at taking out many of the men and Thor as well. Teddy was just glad Kate wasn’t here otherwise he would of had to compete with her. He dodged a few more bullets before springing out at another group of poachers and knocking them unconscious. “Yeah, these definitely look alien to me, I wonder who they got them from?” The sound of helicopter blades caused Teddy to whip his neck around into the sky. At first he thought it only meant more poachers, but when he saw the wings and eagle of the SHIELD sign on the side of the helicopter, he let out a sigh of relief. The alien tech was definitely something that they would have to follow up on, and leaving the poachers with the anyone else but shield at this point made him feel a little uneasy. Teddy used the opportunity to take out another two guys that were distracted by the helicopter. Other than that, it seemed like most of the poachers had dropped their weapons in surrender. “I guess this counts as a win right?” He asked his team over the comms.

The battle was arduous, but overall not as bad as Wendell had assumed it to be. Perhaps the hardest part was dodging bullets and animals while trying to fight. Thankfully, the ballistic nylon of the suit hadn’t been punctured by any shots that hadn’t missed him, but the bruising his skin would take on from the impacts would surely keep him up tonight. As he rolled off of another unconscious poacher, he shot a blue eyed glance up to the sky where the helicopter was approaching. “We’ll analyze the tech later and it’s a good thing so many of them are still alive. Maybe we can get some information out of them,” he said as he locked eyes with one of the poachers. They dropped their weapon and he gave them a curt nod. They didn’t want to get attacked any more than Wendell wanted to move forward to do so. Mutual understandings were nice. “I think this is a victory. What’s the, uh, after-party of a mission look like? Should we all get donuts? Krispy Kreme is on me.”

Frowning gently as the battle ended almost as abruptly as it had began Thor stroked his beard before nodding gently. “Those that know of this technology will get to analyse it,” he said agreeing with Wendell, “I am not qualified to make a comment about it and I stopped an oil tanker with my bare hands. So I could do with a break.”  Pausing, he looked over the poachers before nodding. “Aye, I expect they know something about it, but let the authorities handle them. These villains are not our mess to deal with. At least anymore.” Pausing at the mention of doughnuts, Thor’s face lit up with happiness. “Ah, yes, I know doughnuts, let’s have ourselves a dozen each!”

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

DUUUUDE OMG OKAY THIS IS MAKING ME WANT TO READ OR WRITE IT EVEN MORE FHSKFHSKSKS

- As the numero uno ace!Loki stan, all I can say is Y E S (also hc that they bond over it bc Loki rolls his eyes and Candace and Jeremy or at Isabella and Perry just chatters like yeah man I get it because he loves them but what the fuck)

- Linda and Lawrence find out that Loki's basically homeless and they're like "yeah ig you can stay here for a few nights" and then he just slowly starts making himself useful doing dishes or whatever bc he doesn't like charity and wants to feel like he's returning something somehow and Linda and Lawrence are like "... huh. maybe we should keep him" (but the idea of him just switching between houses is killing me dhskfhskdks he just has a bedroom is everyone's house lmaooo)

- Lawrence totally knows Loki is an actual god and but it's kinda like when Phineas and Ferb wanted to build a monster truck in the backyard and he asked Linda if that was okay and she was like "you sound like Candace" which wasn't technically an objection so he just rolled with it fhsjfhsksk Linda meanwhile has no idea she probably hears Loki mention it, like, once, and she just assumes it's a joke and now poor Candace has to try to bust Phineas and Ferb for building stuff and bust Loki for being a god

- NO BUT MY FIRST THOUGHT WHEN I THOUGHT OF A LOKI/PNF CROSSOVER BEFORE I THOUGHT OF SPECIFICS OR WHATEVER WAS ABOUT MEEP AND HOW HE'S LIKE THE SPACE DUDE™ OF THE SHOW AND NOW LOKI'S THE NEW SPACE DUDE FHSKFHSKSKS I lowkey feel like Loki would either a) be giving Meep the side-eye the entire time because what is this cute thing or b) understand Meep's language and they can just converse the entire time and thus a beautiful friendship is born

- WAIT CANDACE AND LOKI AHHHHHHH omg I totally only thought of Candace and Loki in the context of Mission: Marvel I didn't even think about the parallels between them just on a daily basis. They both feel like they're kinda the neglected/unloved child and that the head of the family (Linda and Odin) likes the other sibling(s) more and they both want to not only prove that the other sibling(s) are not all that and a bag of chips, but that they themselves are worth more than others see them as.

- Hc that Loki sometimes listens in on Monogram's briefings and he hears the Sidetracked one and sees how much Perry Does Not Want to work with Lyla and Loki honestly doesn't care for arbitrary rules like borders so he convinced Perry and Lyla to let him come just to speed things up so Perry can go home and get away from Lyla. Lyla would absolutely love Loki just like she loved Perry, but Loki would be this close to just fuckin strangling her. She's too happy and cheerful and always follows the rules to the letter and he can't stand it. The best part is that Doof is absolutely dumb (affectionate) enough to look at them and how Loki is about to explode every time he has to deal with her and be like "Yeah, I bet they're together :)"

- 2D Loki is just giving me SO MANY THOUGHTS holy shit okay I might have to add on to this tomorrow bc I'm fully planning on lying awake in bed all night thinking about this but:

1) If 2D Loki is on earth, did the events of Thor happen too? Are we dealing with roughly the same Loki in the second dimension that we have in the first? If so, it would stand to reason that 2D Loki is still somewhat interested in ruling over humanity like he was in The Avengers, so if he fell down into Danville and saw this dark, gloomy place with an already-established dictator, I can absolutely see him threatening his way into working by 2D Doof's side. Unlike 2D Doof, 2D Loki absolutely would not stop at the tri-state area. They would exosvd their rule a hell of a lot wider, which could end up being their downfall. Loki wouldn't have Heimdall watching over everything; he might stretch himself and his rule too wide.

2) Alternatively, does 2D Loki come to earth a few years earlier when 2D Doof is just beginning to take over? It could be the alternative to the nice version of Loki we get when he befriends the Flynn-Fletchers and their friends: instead of befriending people who help him become a better person, 2D Doof enables him in all the wrong ways. They could be partners from the beginning, and Loki has no problem taking charge because 2D Doof is only slightly less stupid (affectionate) than 1D Doof and wouldn't realize that Loki is the real dictator here.

3) The character development we'd see when Loki has to face his 2D counterpart??? To see an alternate dimension in which he got basically exactly what he wanted, and to have the strength and the respect for humankind to say he doesn't want that? Even 1D Doof didn't do that until he got thrown under the bus in front of the Goozim.

I just??? Have so many thoughts??? And if anyone has more thoughts, please, I am begging you, give me your PnF/Loki content 🥺

I've been rewatching all the Loki content to get ready for the new show and I have thought of A Phineas and Ferb AU™ for your viewing pleasure (and if anyone wants to turn any part of this into an actual fanfic I would owe you my life)

this post was brought to you in partnership with @dumbausfromdanville

You know how the first Thor movie ends with Loki yeeting himself off the Bifrost and falling to earth? What if, instead of going after the Tesseract, he falls straight to the Tri-State area?

Jane, Darcy, and Selvig all seemed to be on vacation, right? So Thor presumably took place during the summer — say, perhaps, ending on June 3? So he falls right onto Phineas and Ferb's rollercoaster just before it goes down that ♫ three-mile drop straight down ♪. He has no idea wtf is happening so it's not like he gets the chance to sit down and put on a seatbelt, so he's stuck holding on for dear life for the entire rollercoaster ride which Phineas and Ferb find weird but they're not really concerned bc they're chill lil dudes and tbh this isn't too far off a normal day for them.

Phineas and Loki strike up a none-too-pleasant conversation (not that Phineas notices Loki's bad mood; he's too Him to realize not everyone is rainbows and sunshine all day, every day), and our favorite lil disoriented demigod has to figure out where the fuck he is now ("You there. What realm is this?" "Danville 🙂" "Wut da fuk?") and what the fuck he's supposed to do now that he's here.

Phineas ends up inviting him to hang out for the afternoon, and Loki is about to turn him down but then he smells the pie. He's never had doonkleberry pie before so obviously he has to try it. Then, when Loki's no longer hangry, they can hold an actual conversation. It's lowkey more Loki wallowing in his own self-pity than anything else, but Ferb recognizes Asgard when Loki mentions it so he and Phineas piece together that he's a god pretty quickly.

More importantly, though, they figure out that he's completely alone, and because Loki never mentions trying to, you know, murder his brother and lowkey overthrow the monarchy, they just kinda assume Loki's family sucks (Ferb is completely prepared to start the anti-Thor club but Phineas stops him because he doesn't want his brother to get struck by lightning) and adopt him (without his consent, but it's not like he has anywhere else to be -- and he did like that pie).

Loki has no desire to build anything with the boys He thinks the idea of a backyard beach they make the next morning is stupid — even more stupid than a regular beach, and that's saying something. But over time, he gets more involved -- not just with the boys, but with the entire family. He helps the boys build their inventions. He talks about human history with Lawrence and corrects much of his knowledge on mythology. He lets Linda teach him how to bake seriously, her pies are so good. He even suffers through Candace's mall trips as long as he gets to go to that fro-yo place on the second floor (though he draws the line at any conversation involving romance).

He's still a little skeptical of the platypus (and he feels like the platypus is a little skeptical of him, too) but Phineas insists that he's "just a platypus" and he "doesn't do much." Loki doesn't realize that Perry's keeping an eye on him for OWCA, nor does he know that Monogram has absolutely no idea what to make of the dude so he hasn't actually told any of his superiors about him. As far as the government is concerned, after the fiasco in New Mexico, Loki just disappeared.

This makes it fucking hilarious when the boys accidentally steal the superheroes' powers in Mission: Marvel and the superheroes show up at the Flynn-Fletchers' front door only to see fucking Loki. Loki just shuts the door in their faces without a word because what the fuck?, but eventually Phineas and Ferb go check the door and they agree to help the heroes (much to Loki's chagrin), which, of course, isn't complete with Candace fangirling over them (also much to Loki's chagrin; she never fangirled over him). At first the Avengers are fully convinced that Loki is responsible for stealing their powers, and Loki never actually denies it because he's a little shit but Phineas, Ferb, and their friends are very insistent that Loki didn't do anything (except a little bit of manual labor putting together the satellites because they're 10 and he's a whole-ass demigod).

At some point, Thor and Loki have a very heated discussion about the events of Thor, and it's pretty much all news to the Flynn-Fletchers and their friends. They're not really sure what to make of it so they basically glue their mouths shut and watch it all play out. I'd like to think it goes something like it does in The Avengers and that a) Thor is pissed because what the fuck have you been up to Loki you fucking dumbass, b) Thor has been in mourning since Loki yeeted himself into the abyss and he wants to make sure the guy knows it, and c) Loki does not take it seriously at all he's being antagonistic the entire time because he is so sick of Mr. High-And-Mighty's shit. In the end, Loki storms out of the SHEDquarters and Phineas doesn't even think to try to stop him until he's halfway out the door and it's too late.

He shows up again when Phineas, Ferb, and the Avengers try to fight the bad guys in the mall with the wrong powers and he basically singlehandedly saves their asses until superhero Perry shows up. As everyone's favorite shapeshifter, he has absolutely no problem figuring out that this beaver duck dude is the Flynn-Fletchers' platypus. He has no idea what to do with that information, but it sure is information that he now has apparently. (At this point, poor Loki has a very warped sense of what earth is supposed to be like lmao).

Phineas tries to get Loki to come back with them after superhero Perry grabs them and carries them home. Instead, Loki cuts himself loose and falls like 30 feet straight down (and tbh after falling from the Bifrost, that's nothing to him) and peaces the fuck out.

Loki ends up accidentally bonding with Candace and Isabella over feeling useless and unwanted (and he absolutely gets his own verse in Only Trying to Help because it's what he deserves), but unlike the two girls who are hell-bent on changing that, Loki is content wallowing in his own self-pity. He's tried this whole "being important" thing before and he ended up in self-exile for it. He's not putting himself through it again because he really doesn't expect it to end well. But then the powerless heroes decide to face the villains again, and with Candace and Isabella in space and Perry nowhere to be seen, he realizes it is once again up to him to keep the tri-state area safe (which he knows is a stupid priority but he's gotten kind of attached to these stupid little humans and he wants to keep them safe).

Then the heroes get their powers back and they join Loki (and Perry and the mysterious waffle gun in the sky) and beat the shit out of the villains. Thor and Loki work together in the heat of the battle which serves as a Great Bonding Moment™, and once the villains are gone, they have a nice lil heart-to-heart where they both apologize for their past. Thor remarks that Loki seems to have grown a lot over the last couple of months and tries to bring Loki home with him, but Loki refuses. He'll never be welcome back into Asgard, no matter what Thor may say.

But he is welcome with the Flynn-Fletchers, who are completely over the fact that he tried to ruin Thor's life and take his not-so-rightful place on the throne (except Candace who's very skeptical about having him back but it's not like Linda will believe her if she tries to tell her what Thor and Loki talked about so her opinion is unfortunately as irrelevant as it usually is on the show).

And early the next morning, before anyone else is awake, Perry gets an alert that he's needed in his headquarters (presumably to talk to or about Fury). He quietly sneaks off, only to find Loki waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him. They have a very nice "conversation" (not that Perry speaks) about the superhero Ducky Momo they saw the day before, and Loki assures him that his secret is safe, thus starting a much-needed bromance between Loki and Perry because it's what my babies, goddammit!

Anyways yeah if anyone wants to write a fanfic about Loki hanging out with Phineas and Ferb during his self-exile I would give you a socially distant high-five because I want to read it but I have too many other fanfics on my plate to start this one for at least a few months. It doesn't have to follow this prompt literally at all (I swear I wasn't trying to get this in-depth with it but this is what I do apparently) or it can follow this prompt exactly idc i just want a PnF/Loki fanfic 🥺

[imagine-mcu]

The New Avenger: Ch. 7

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Word Count: 2124

The weeks that passed by were kind of monotonous. Every day was the same. You woke up, ate breakfast, trained with Nat, and worked out with Thor. Granted, you did get the rest of the day for free time for yourself. Usually you spent your free time reading, video chatting with Amber, or getting to know your teammates.

You and Nat, being both neighbours and training partners, had become pretty close. She was still a little closed off, but she could relax around you. You and Thor also had also bonded pretty well. The two of you surprisingly had a lot in common, and you shared the same type of humour. Tony was charming as ever, but you made it obvious that you wanted to keep things platonic for now. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop him from keeping his flirty ways.

While it was good that you had become more friendly with them, that still left Clint, Steve, and Bruce on your list. Bruce was always in his lab, Clint was usually out running errands, and Steve was always busy with something or other. Needless to say, you hadn’t really gotten the time to chat it up with any of them yet.

“I’m so super jealous,” Amber sighed one day. You were sat at your desk, video chatting her with the Stark laptop Tony provided. “Your life sounds like so much fun!”

Fun. Right. You decided not to mention the fact that your back was sore from this morning’s training when Natasha judo-flipped you twice. Or the fact that your arms were jelly from Thor’s push-up challenge. That might ruin the mood. “I guess,” you said. “But it’s a lot of work, too.”

Amber perked up. “Oh, right! I almost forgot to ask you. How’s practice with your powers going? Did you learn anything cool?”

“Sort of.” You twirled your finger in the air in front of you, and a mini flurry of snow appeared. As you concentrated, a small palm-sized snowman assembled itself. Its arms and facial features were made out of small pieces of ice, since, unfortunately, you couldn’t control coal or sticks. Building tiny snowmen wasn’t exactly the most useful thing to know for combat, but you were working your way up on the whole summoning thing.

“That is so cool!” Amber exclaimed. On the screen in front of you, her face enlarged as she tried to see better from her side. “You’re like a real-life Elsa, or like a Jack Frost. Can you make it move?”

“Sadly, no,” you chuckled. “I can’t bring inanimate objects to life- only freeze them.” You made a dismissing motion with your hand and the snowman evaporated, leaving behind a small breeze of fresh winter air.

Amber shrugged. “But you can still kick frozen ass. Speaking of, have you gotten your first assignment yet?”

You bit your lip. “Uh, actually, no. Not yet.” You could see her excitement dim just a little. “The others have been on quite a few since I came, but they want me to stay here and train for the time being.”

She crossed her arms. “Wow, that really sucks! You’ve been training for a long time, now, (y/n). You totally deserve to be out there.”

“Too bad it’s not my decision.” You tried to sound nonchalant about it, but you were pretty bummed out that you haven’t gone on a mission yet. “Steve’s the one who usually organises those kinds of things.”

As soon as you said his name, Amber perked up. She had a crush on Captain America even before you left for the Tower. It started ever since he saved her and a group of people from the Chitauri during the Incident last year. “Steve? I wish I could meet him,” she said longingly. “But if he’s as nice as I think he is, you should totally talk to him. He’d let you get out there in the field.”

“He is pretty nice,” you commented. Not like she didn’t know already, since most of the time you talked to her she would ask about him. “But it’s kind of awkward since we don’t really see or talk to each other much.”

It was a shame that Amber wasn’t here with you, since she’s always talkative. She’s super friendly around new people, and having a buddy with you is always a plus. Sure, you could always ask Nat, but it just wasn’t the same since she was already friends with the super soldier. Actually, the more you thought about it, the more you realised that inviting Amber to the compound was a good idea. It was a win-win situation; she gets to meet her heroes, and it would be a good excuse to get the team together for something other than a mission.

“Um, hellooo?” Your former roommate waved her hand over her camera. “Earth to (y/n)? You still there?”

You unfroze. You didn’t realise you were staring blankly into space. “Uh- sorry. I was just thinking. Say, Amber, how would you like to come visit the Avengers Tower?”

Her jaw dropped. She didn’t move for so long, you almost thought the connection died or something. But suddenly her eyes lit up and her mouth broke into the largest grin you’d ever seen. “Are you kidding? I’d love to!!!”

Two days later, you and the other Avengers were gathered around in the common room. It took some convincing, especially with Steve, who didn’t want to miss leg day, but eventually they agreed to meet your old roommate. After all, they appreciated the civilians who supported the Avengers.

You stood by the elevator to meet her as soon as she got off. At 1:00 pm exactly (wow, these guys were punctual), the doors opened. Amber spilled out, her eyes as wide as plates. She looked like she just downed a trenta Starbucks coffee, since she was basically jumping up and down with excitement.

“(Y/n)!” she squealed. She gave you a rib-crushing hug. You supposed it was to make up for the lack of hugs ever since you left. “It’s so good to see you in person! Not that I didn’t enjoy video chatting, of course. It’s just not the same. Hey, guess what? They flew me here in a helicopter, just like the one that picked you up! It woke up poor Mrs. Most in 32B, but I suppose that’s karma for vacuuming at 2 in the morning. The pilot wasn’t very friendly, though, and wouldn’t respond when I tried talking to him. Oh well! Hey, did you know there’s a floor in here called the Snake Pit?”

She said all of this in one breath in about ten seconds. Speed talking was her super power.

“Yes, we do have a snake pit. No, I do not recommend visiting it. It’s literally just a pit full of snakes.” You cleared your throat. “Anyways, we can talk about that later. Guys, I’d like you to meet Amber. Amber, say hello the the Avengers.”

You gestured behind you to the six of them who were watching you both with amusement from the couches. Amber bit back another squeal, just now noticing that they were there. “H-h-hello!” For once, she was at a loss for words.

Tony was the first to get up. He walked over and kissed her hand, like the gentleman he wasn’t. He grinned slyly, “Why hello there. (Y/n)’s told us so much about you.”

Amber looked like she was about to faint from the attention. Nat merely smacked him on the arm and ordered, “No flirting with the visitor, Tony.”

He pouted. “You’re no fun.”

“I’m Natasha,” she introduced. “But they call me Black Widow. And this is Clint, Hawkeye; Bruce, the Hulk; Thor; Tony, Iron Man; and Steve, Captain America.”

Sitting all the way at the far end of the couch, Steve waved. Amber’s cheeks flushed almost as red as the shirt she was wearing. “H-hey, Captain America.”

Steve smiled warmly. “Just call me Steve.” He stood up and shook her hand, but she was too busy freaking out to move her limp arm. It was almost humourous seeing them side-by-side, since he was twice her size.

“So!” You clapped your hands loudly, hoping to snap her out of her star-struck trance. “Guys, Amber’s a big fan of the Avengers.”

Clint snorted. “I can tell.”

You ignored him. “So she has a lot of questions for you guys. I’ll-uh- go get snacks while you guys talk.” 

You hoped she would be okay on her own while you went to the kitchen to pour chips into a bowl. Just as you reached for the dip in the fridge, you heard a chorus of laughter from the other room. Yup, she was definitely doing well on her own. She’s been here, what? Five minutes? And she already got them to laugh harder than you ever did. She had that effect on people.

“I hope that laughing wasn’t about me,” you joked as you returned with the snacks.

Steve laughed. “Actually, she was just telling us about the time you tripped down the stairs holding groceries.”

Oh, yay. They were talking about you. How did that come up so quickly? But you had to admit that you were actually grateful that she said that, since it seemed to make Steve comfortable enough to joke around with you. “Hey, the elevator was broken! And in my defence, I was carrying a lot of stuff.”

It went on like that for a while, the eight of you taking turns telling stories about each other. Thankfully, Amber kept her embarrassing stories about you mostly to herself after that. It was nice actually sitting down and getting to know them. You knew it wouldn’t have gone nearly as smoothly if Amber wasn’t here. She knew exactly what to say when and kept the mood light and happy. You were... well, less of a smooth talker. You learned that Clint once landed and crushed a hot dog cart, which is why his suit has little stains of ketchup and mustard on the butt. After switching back to human, apparently Bruce’s purple shorts don’t switch with him. You thought that part was particularly funny. Once, Steve threw his shield into the lake at Central Park, and had to dive in after it. Thor dropped his hammer onto Fury’s car and blamed it on a rogue attacker. Nat had to pretend to be Tony’s secretary at one point. Everybody had a good laugh at that, even Tony.

Eventually the bowl of chips and dip disappeared. It had been three hours, at least, and you knew that the others had work to get done. While it was fun, it was time to disband.

“This was so totally fun!” Amber grinned. You hadn’t seen her this happy since she discovered caffeine. “We should do it again sometime!”

“Totally,” you agreed. It had been fun. You got to catch up with your old roomie, and you got to bond with Clint, Steve, and Bruce better. “I’ll see you later?”

“Of course!” She hugged you. “Don’t forget to FaceTime me!”

You watched as she hopped into the elevator. She waved goodbye as the doors closed.

There was only one thing left to do. While you were all still in a good mood, you decided to ask Steve about letting you go on an official assignment.

“Hey, Steve?” you asked. He was the only one left in the common room. He stayed behind to brush the chip crumbs off of the couches.

He stopped when he heard you. “Hm?”

“So, uh, I’ve been wondering if- well, if you think I’m ready to go out on the field. It’s just- I’ve been working really hard, and all. What do you think?”

Steve considered this. “Well, you are still kind of new, (y/n). A little more training wouldn’t hurt.” You were about to tell him that you were doing your best, but he continued without pausing. “But I have noticed that you’ve been progressing rapidly.” He stopped to think. “... There is a major weapons bust coming up. I suppose I could ask Fury if you can shadow us, but no promises-”

But that was all you needed to hear. “Thank you thank you!” you said happily. You hugged him in excitement, which surprised him. He stumbled back a few steps before chuckling.

“No problem, (y/n),” he said as he patted your head.

You knew Fury placed his trust in Steve’s decisions- if Steve thought you were ready, then that meant Fury did, too. It was practically official then. After all of the training and preparation, you were finally going to work alongside the Avengers on a real mission!