#joker & kaidan

[chiefmysticmia]

if kaidan came out during ME1 it would’ve gone something like this

[clericofshadows]

MASS EFFECT 3 - CITADEL DLC RETAKING THE NORMANDY

[sewermageboy]

Thinking about the relationship between Joker and Kaidan.

How they've both been there since the beginning, how their first scene is them sitting together in the cockpit of the Normandy, teasing each other. How Joker sticks by Shepard's side the entire time while Kaidan doesn't. How Joker judges Kaidan for not coming to fight the Collectors. How Kaidan blames Joker for causing Shepard's first death. How Joker knows Kaidan is right to blame him. How they're both back on the Normandy in the end, saving the galaxy. How they can both lose the person they love (Shepard and EDI) to save everyone else.

[lilmissnatcat24]

for no other reason than i worked at an ice cream shop for eight years, here's what ice cream the mass effect characters would eat

shepard: neapolitan, strawberry for their paragon side, chocolate for their renegade, vanilla to balance

garrus: moose tracks, but will pick it apart just for the peanut butter cups and give shepard the leftovers

tali: literally any booze flavored ice cream

liara: mint chocolate chip because she secretly kind've fucks with the taste of toothpaste but will never admit it out loud

kaidan: butter pecan. it's not everyone's favorite, but it's his, and he's totally cool with it

ashley: whatever the 2183 equivalent to the tonight dough. cookie dough chunks, brownie chunks, butterscotch, chocolate chips, malt chunks, everything

wrex: this man is old as balls!!!!!! rum raisin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

joker: lemon sherbet. you cannot tell me that man is not lactose intolerant

miranda: cherries garcia, little bit sweet, little bit tart

jack: the most sickening sweet shit you can think of. cotton candy with marshmallow superman with a side of sugar

jacob: some sort of dark chocolate peanut butter ice cream that sounds good in theory but in reality you can only take like 3 bites of before you get a tummy ache

zaeed: banana splits that he likes to mash together with a spoon and eat like some deconstructed milkshake

kasumi: the weird avant gard shit you see in hipster vegan shops, like some bacon sweet potato rosebud ice cream

mordin: coffee ice cream, because he likes the taste of coffee but if he were to actually drink it he would spontaneously combust

grunt: those froyo shops that were everywhere in 2014 where you could make a bowl with like 5% froyo and 95% other toppings and it cost 14 dollars

thane: doesn't like ice cream because it reminds him of how he abandoned his child and how his wife is dead and he could never go back to the life he left behind, the life of stability, because his body is engineered for a deadly purpose and he can never atone for his sins rocky road

samara: this woman is old as balls!!!!!!!!!!!!! pistachio!!!!!!!!!!!

legion: tried vanilla ice cream. too sticky, got stuck in his wiring.

james: one of those brownie sundaes that weighs approximately 5 pounds and is majority whipped cream

steve: chocolate chip. classy, just like him ;)

traynor: something smooth and rich and velvety and inexplicably sexy, like raspberry chocolate chunk

edi: takes the idea of ice cream a little too literally and just has a bowl of heavy cream with ice cubes. is confused why everyone is disgusted.

javik: ice cream is for primitives (peaches and cream)

[sol-consort]

I've made mems

[dalekofchaos]

Update:I made a post on what a Virmire Sacrifice replacing Kai Leng could look like

[hextechmaturgy]

immortalizing ME1 in rainbow colors, as she deserves

[aestheticallygaming]

Companion stills from the ME interactive comic.

[fireflyecho]

idk how many joker fans there are but i love himmmmmm

[hanatsuki89]

One apartment on the Citadel, three couples. (Briar Jane Shepard and Joker, Christina and Zaeed, Adam and Kaidan)

[galaxbees]

i love bisexuals

[bellamer]

Mack Shepard: So that settles it, TIM is homophobic

Garrus: Homophobic ?

Mack: Out of all these people, he couldn’t have hired a hot gay man to give me a little incentive to fight for Cerberus ? Seems homophobic to me.

Garrus: Well there weren’t any gay men on the Normandy so I don’t know what you’re bitching about

Mack: I had Kaidan to look at. Seeing him bend over once was enough to get me through the day, I have absolutely nothing. What am I supposed to fantasize about ? You Garrus ? The one I have to remind constantly not to casually commit police brutality ?

Garrus: Technically it’s not police brutality it’s just regular brutality now

Mack: Or Jacob ? Mr Daddy Issues over there isn’t giving me anything to work with. Or how about the terminally ill Drell with a son ? Joker ? Or Mordin ? Oh sure, Zaeed is bisexual but he smells like old spice and an ash tray, Maybe if I squint hard enough I can pretend that Jack is a dude-

Garrus: Alright, I get it, you’re going through a dry spell-

Mack: Dry spell ? This is a DROUGHT ! Not a drink of water in sight ! Not a sip ! I’m dying Garrus ! I’m dying in this desert !

Garrus: …. If I ask Kasumi to hack into the alliance files to get you a picture of Kaidan and a dirty magazine to work with, will you leave me alone ?

Mack: …. Throw in some cocoa butter and you’ve got a deal.

[championsandheroes]

I would like to have a word with whoever decided that the correct way to deploy the mako was approximately eighty miles above the planet's atmosphere. And not just because I'm scared of heights.

Over at Patreon, society6, and redbubble we don’t throw you out of a moving vehicle at an alarming height, mako or no mako.

[mosscreeperarchived]

I just saw a post (https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTL8hawtm/) about the general public in universe viewing the protagonist’s near suicidality as heroic.

I can’t stop thinking about Shepard in ME3. How every authority figure keeps asking them for more and more and more. How Anderson tells Joker to keep an eye on his kid. How their love interest begs Shepard to come back to them at multiple points, to please not throw away their life. How Shepard flat out calls Kaidan someone to live for.

Most of the galaxy and Shepard themself view that basically suicidal behavior as what makes them heroic while that kills the people who care about them.

Anyways, I’m addicted to when fics explore that and I can’t wait to do it in my own

[sol-consort]

Early morning Cuddling

[Fluff, suggestive, shepards reader, nb!reader]

[Ashley, Kaidan, Joker, Garrus, Wrex, Tali, Liara]

Ashley

Safety is a feeling you'll never lack in her strong arms. Securing you close to her chest so you can feel the drum of her heartbeat, slowly picking up speed as she stirs awake from her slumber.

And she smiles at you, sleep in her eyes and all, the first thing she ever thinks to do is express her happiness at you being by her side.

Tightening her hold for a moment so she could give your forehead a tender kiss. She looks at you as if you were something fragile, as if it was her duty to protect you. No matter how strong you might be, at that moment, you have no doubt she'll take a bullet for you and more.

The two of you have to get up soon before Joker's announcement calls for your required presence. But Ashley can't help but linger on you, steal a few more moments of peacefulness before the blaring of shotguns is all that she may hear for the rest of her day.

Her hair is a mess, black strands sprawled on the pillow below her. Framing her face and giving her a more gentle look than her usual tight bun hairstyle does. Her upper body bare with her chest pressed against yours. She smells like that one soap she keeps stocked on the Normandy since she has joined your crew.

You feel lucky being one of the few able to see her in this intimate state.

☆

Kaidan

He has an alarm that he ignores, preferring to cling more into your body and bury his face against your neck and shoulder. Leaving the alarm annoying beeping.

With a sigh, you reach over and turn it off. Except it's one of those alarms that require you to solve a simple equation to turn off, simple by Alenko's standards. The same one cuddling into your body and refusing to let go from the warmth.

So the poor alarm ends up thrown across the room, or stuffed under the bed with a pillow to muffle its sound. You wonder why does he keep buying them when he keeps ignoring them.

Running your fingers through his hair gently, you pry him off of your neck in an attempt to get him to wake up. He's always groggy in the morning as he attempts to blink the tiredness away from his eyes.

A clear contrast to his usual disciplined self, freshly out of sleep, Kaidan is not someone you want to come across on the Normandy. The morning is around the time when he needs to take his required medication for L2 implants and migraines since he'll not be granted another opportunity of free time until the day is over.

Your presence during it has been helping him in more ways that he cares to admit, your warmth chasing away the stray nightmares that used to plague his mind each night.

☆

Joker

The two of make it work, with a lot of patience and being mindful of his osteogenesis.

While cuddling, he is the one on top to avoid any pressure on his bones. He's the one hugging into you with his head resting on your strong arms. He tries to lighten the mood whenever he notices how careful you're being, a part of him hates his hugs not being reciprocated but he understands why.

Still, this is vastly better than sleeping alone on his bed. Feeling you underneath him, listening to your calming heartbeat. It almost makes everything worth it, every sleepless night spent studying during the academy, every day spent alone, every empty bed.

He trusts you with himself, with his genuine vulnerability hidden under his witty jokes and sharp mind. He is aware of how much effort you're putting in. How you truly see him as a person and not a charity cases.

He's usually the one waking up first, pilot training and all. Quietly leaving the bed to not disturb you as he goes and checks to the helm to check on the ship's states. Him and Dr.Chakwas are the first early birds aboard the ship and they've grown into a comfortable routine of doing the opening shift as the rest of the crew stirs awake one by one.

By the time he's done, he makes sure to prepare a hot morning drink for you and take it back to your quarters. Sitting on the edge of the bed.

His smirking face behind the steam from the hot cup is the first sight you see in the morning. His voice telling you an awful pun that has you almost choking on your drink with a groan is the first thing you hear.

And you wouldn't have it any other way.

☆

Garrus

He's unsure of this arrangement at first, of if this is who you really want to cuddle up to.

Human skin is squishy, fragile and soft, unbelievably so when compared to Turians' hard plated shells. Humans are just bare with nothing to protect them whilst having fuller bodies than other aliens with soft skin. Yet somehow, Turians are supposed to believe these soft creatures are the apex of their own planet, evolving from predators with their forward facing eyes rather than prey.

Garrus has always wanted to feel a human up close, their soft fragile throats that any Turian could squeeze so easily in their large clawed hands. Break with their talons like an eggshell.

Yet this race was incredible resilient, quickly stealing the Turian's reputation of being the most hostile race in the galaxy, the humans and their temper and fight or flight adrenaline responses were quickly making a name for themselves.

That's why he almost can't believe it when he gets to hold you in bed. Allowing him to almost pin you down so easily, to wrap his large claws and long arms around you. Nuzzle your bare neck with his sharp mouth and enhale your scent.

Turians would battle for dominance amongst themselves, a play pretend sort of fight that comes from deep natural urges to top the other even in relationships. So from his view, you allowing him to hold you so close and sleep next your defenceless form is you surrendering to him.

Garrus has never been the aggressive type, even by Turian standards he was too nice at times. Yet something about you is digging at these buried ancient instincts of his, the low deep growls each morning when you try to pull away, the tighten of his sharp claws around you.

It comes so naturally that he does it unconsciously, not realising the growling sound is coming from the back of his throat in the morning until he clears his throat in embassment. Unaware of the soft squecks and caws he lets out each night when you scatch behind his neck and he melts into your touch before falling asleep.

☆

Wrex

He prefers short naps throughout the day so he may stay alert even through the night, it comes naturally for his species to be on their gaurd through most hours, that's what makes them such great fighers.

But you're a bad influence on him, coaxing him with you into this bundle of soft sheets and blankets that you humans call a bed. Making him lay on his back, a position so intimate for Krogans to be in, and cuddling to his side.

You're...warm. the skin and meat seperating your heart from his hand is so thin in comparison to his. Are humans not afraid? How could they have evolved to have their heart at such an exposed location for all to see and touch.

And to think you were supposed to be the predetor and him the prey, so why does he get this urge to protect you. To keep your bones intact and never allow any harm your way.

A wolf in sheep clothings, that's what humans are. He has to remind himself constantly not to get tricked by your seemingly harmless appearance. Tantalising lips or mesmerising eyes. That you're as dangerous as him if not more from what he has seen of you throughout the years. Terrifyingly cunningly at times and overrun by basic rage instincts at others, a volcano of emotions that's constantly erupting.

That's why laying next to you in the early morning is such a strain on his instincts. He can feel himself changing, his body relaxing around you and his mind resting for once. He can feel his gaurd lowering and he hates it, hates not being on his toes, not being on constant alert.

But you hug him so sweetly, cuddle his arm so tenderly and tell him to stay by your side. How could he refuse, is he even strong enough to refuse when your touches are the most intimate thing he has had during his whole life? When the feeling of a human sleeping next to him made him feel more safe than he ever did in the best of armours, and here he was supposed to be the one protecting you.

Wrex remains by your side until it's time to wake up, until it's time to start the routine he grew so familiar of.

☆

Tali

The hum of the engine used to be what lulled her to sleep, and with how eerily silent the Normandy gets around this time, it leaves her restless.

The early morning is her respite, when the chatter and clinking of soldiers outside getting ready for the day is audible through the walls. Tali finds herself drifting off to a comfortable sleep, reassured that she is safe and alive with the sound of life around her.

She becomes incredibly cuddly in the early morning, as much as her restrictive suit allows. It's not the same one as her shore one, yet it is still as effective in protecting her immune system.

She wants to feel your warmth, your soft human skin and run feel your hair. But both of you know it's not possible yet. So you settle for hugging her waist closer to you, running a hand down her covered back and hoping it will make her feel something.

That maybe, just maybe, a sliver of your warmth will slip through.

By the time she is dozing off to dreamland, it's your turn to walk out the door and face your responsibilities. Leave the wamrth of your bed and ready your team for another survey of a freezing cold planet in the vast empty space of the universe.

☆

Liara

Her fingers are soothing as they run over your body, encouraging your muscles to relax and your eyelids to flutter open. Her melodic voice humming in your mind.

She manages to wake you up as peacefully as she can, eyes wide and full of wonder as she is ready to greet a new day with all the discoveries it may bring.

You wonder where she gets all this energy from, and why isn't it infectious. She seems the most awake of everyone in the morning, and yet she stays by your side in bed until you get all the rest you need.

You never had to tell her to stay either, she did it by herself. Claiming it feels like the right thing to do, how doting she can be on her loved one at times.

Liara is always curious about any dreams you may have, admitting how sometimes they can be like a window into a person's inner psyche. How much she wants to understand you better, on a deeper level than anyone before her ever did.

As if she wants to merge her soul with yours, and maybe to her own kind that's what true love is like. To liara, the mornings you share together remain the highlight of her day until nightime when she gets to feel your embrace again, hear your voice and listen as you tell her about how your day went.

There's so much to admire about her curious nature, her genuine love for knowledge and exploration. The way she likes her coffee especially sweet and the way she hums each morning to stirr you awake.

[vorchagirl]

Some of my favourite customs from over the years!