#johnny suh blurb

[catboyieejeno]

Camera Roll; jung jaehyun

pictures you've taken of your boyfriend, jaehyun

part 1 | part 2

more of the Camera Roll Series

+.*·

requests r open

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[outro-jo]

dating an nct member and being besties with another

pairing: nct 127 member bsf x reader x nct member bf

type: scenario

warnings: none really

a/n: so each one is the bestie and it says who the partner is. if that makes sense lol

UPDATE: to remove JAeIL TIME Jeno has been added

masterlist | info

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taeyong- besties with doyoung’s partner

so you actually did a little work with nct on a title track. you wrote and produced the demo and worked really closely with taeyong and became besties in the process. you’re more freelance, so your time working with 127 was short but taeyong still wanted to work with you on different projects so he kept you around some. this is also how you met doyoung. you are quite literally the polar opposite of doyoung and your differences made him fall for you SO hard but it took him a little while to actually ask you out. ty was the one encouraging him the whole way but it took soooo much effort for him to not tell you. he was there and helped arrange for you to be at the studio for doyoung to ask you out. the second doyoung left after asking you, the both of you cheered and screamed together. he’s been your and doyoung’s biggest supporter and defender ever since.

johnny- besties with haechan’s partner

it was just to be expected. donghyuk is pretty much johnny’s son so he had to get to know his new child. at first it started out as a way to protect donghyuk, getting to know you just to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt but eventually you two became very close. as time went on, johnny worried less about donghyuk getting hurt and more about you. donghyuk is actually really thankful to have someone around who might be able to protect you better than he can especially when it comes to the more questionable fans of nct. you had a few moments where he was definitely glad to have johnny around. both of your boys just want you safe. your boyfriend loved that you and johnny were so close… until he became the butt of the joke. all with love though.

yuta- besties with mark’s partner

you’re literally the perfect mirror of mark, like a little ray of sunshine. all of the endearing qualities mark has like being clumsy, goofy, and sweet, you have and yuta immediately took to you. he’s just as affectionate with you as he is with mark (in a respectful way of course). sometimes he’ll even push mark away when he tries to love on either of you. yuta treats you like his precious little angel and he will fight anyone that hurts you, including and especially mark. he will sometimes call you up on his off days when mark has to work for dream or producing and make sure you’re well fed and not bored. he’ll also just facetime you in general, especially when the boys are on tour. it’s really funny because he never tells mark he’s calling you and mark just walks in and you’re on yuta’s phone. “wait… is that y/n??” “yes, but they’re mine right now. you can call them later.” the thing that warmed yuta’s heart the most is when you started learning japanese just to have something else in common with him… also to shit talk about mark a little. despite being teased so much, mark is actually so happy that you and yuta are close. he’s glad to have him care for you so well and honestly him not liking you would have been a bit of a dealbreaker.

doyoung- bestie’s with jeno's partner

funny story… doyoung was actually your bias. the look on everyone’s faces when he said this at your first meeting the boys was priceless—especially doyoung’s face. after the initial shock wore off, doyoung was totally endeared by your admiration and wanted to get to know you for who you were and because you were dating his group mate. his expectations were low, not thinking you would be close but he hoped to have pleasant interactions with you. come to find out, the reason you were always so drawn to him as a fan was because you were so much alike in a lot of ways. jeno actually found it kind of funny and preferred that you weren’t all over him just because of his role in nct. he was glad that you found a friend within the group of his elders he looks up to and he feels like doyoung is one of the better choices among them.

jaehyun- besties with johnny’s partner

no one was surprised when johnny started dating a foreigner and he was incredible when you made the move to korea but the new environment had you pretty anxious when it came to making friends. it didn’t help that you were still learning the language too. jaehyun was the first to step up and offer to help you and be a conversation partner. of course, johnny was top choice but it was nice to have someone else. your boyfriend is incredibly confident in himself and never once was threatened by your friendship because he trusts you both so well. at the end of the day, he knows that you’re with him because you love him and not his best friend. when teaching helping you study korean, jaehyun had so much patience with you and never made you feel bad when you messed up your pronunciation or phrasing. this pair is really the best to go out with because they’re so goofy and comfortable with each other and you fit in so well. the three of you are the perfect trio.

jungwoo- bestie’s with jaehyun’s partner

you and jungwoo were pretty similar and close in age so when jaehyun introduced you to the group you clicked immediately. the two of you started hanging out more often and he would invite you to hang out at practices which threw jaehyun off when you’d walk in and he didn’t invite you. the group called you “the twins” because you were practically the same person and almost always together. jaehyun had to catch himself at first because even though he wasn’t normally the jealous type, he couldn’t help but see how well you got along. he was just so scared of losing you but honestly you and jungwoo laughed when he brought the notion up to you and were almost like school kids saying it was “gross”. truly, you never thought of each other in that way. from then on, jaehyun was happy that his little nct family loved you almost as much as he did. 

mark- besties with taeyong’s partner

mark actually introduced the two of you. you had known mark for years and one day when you were with mark at his studio, taeyong walked in. he was so sweet and shy but very kind to you, it melted your heart. after that you would do all you could to get a chance to see him again. for months, you silently held on to your crush and thankfully mark is pretty obvious despite knowing you so well. it came as quite the shock to mark when you told him but he made it his mission to find out if he liked you too and set you up. years later mark was telling everyone the story during his best man speech. 

haechan- besties with yuta’s partner

honestly, this shocked everyone a little bit. we all know how donghyuk tries so hard to receive yuta’s love, when he started dating you, donghyuk didn’t really try as hard with you. he was polite and kind but kept a distance but you’re the one that found him to be so adorable that he couldn’t help but have hearts in his eyes. you’re kind of like an older sibling with him. you care for him, take him out to eat, you listen and help him with his problems. donghyuk being your bestie meant that he’s over at your apartment A LOT which yuta doesn’t like very much but it’s the best time to poke fun at him. also whenever you come to see yuta at work, he spots you immediately and rushes over to hug you. sometimes even before yuta can get to you (which he HATES). most of the time when you’re with the boys, yuta has to fight him off you to give affection but it’s cute that they fight over you.

[babiesdreams]

Advent Calendar

Day 10 : Johnny- Jaehyun- Jungwoo. +18

Content Warning: Very kinky. BDSM. A lot of degradation and humilliation. Praise kink. Slight use of pain as a pleasure source. Foursome. Daddy kink. Orgasm denial, orgasm control. Sub reader.

The dim light reflects over your sweaty breasts, you know you're supposed to look into the mirror, to watch your reflection, but the view of Johnny, Jaehyun and Jungwoo standing next to you makes it hard not to wander. They're all shirtless, wearing formal pants. Johnny's neck tie is wrapped over your wrists, Jaehyun's is inside your mouth, keeping you quiet, and Jungwoo's is wrapped among your ankles. They all have their eyes fixed on you.

You're kneeling completely naked except for the rope, that's tied in an intricate pattern drawn over your skin. There is one clothespin pinching each one of your nipples. Johhny is holding a whip, Jaehyun a paddle, and Jungwoo a riding crop. They circle around you like predators as you stand there, trembling with anticipation.

Johnny steps towards you, his eyes locked on you. "We've been waiting for you," he says in a deep voice, you gulp in response. Jaehyun and Jungwoo approach you from each side, whipping their toys in the air. "Are you ready to submit to us?" Jaehyun asks, getting his tie out of your mouth, his eyes twinkling with excitement. "Y-yes" You mumble

Jungwoo smirks. "Yes what?" His eyes fixed on you. "Y-yes Master" You say, remembering how each one had a nickname they wanted you to say. Jungwoo cracks his crop against your palm, that was being held over your head with the rope, it causes a loud echo filling the room. "Good," he says with a smirk. "Johnny, why don't you start us off?" Johnny nods in agreement and steps towards you. He runs his hand down your bare arm, sending shivers down your spine. "Do you like pain?" he whispers into your ear.

"I'm not sure... Sir" The hesitation in your voice makes the boy grunt. "What if I do" He says, approaching your body, he kneels down to reach to your breasts and moves the clothespins slightly with his fingers "This". You can't control a soft high-pitched moan to escape your lips. "That means you like it" He comments standing back up. His hands hold the whip, ready to attack your body, he teases you moving so that you think he'll hit you but then stopping just when you flinch.

When you're completely off-guard the whip hits the left side of your torso, extending up to your breasts. You scream loudly, but he doesn't allow you to process it before he whips you again, and again and again. Your skin turns red and sore after every whip, but you enjoy every bit of it, there's a wetness forming on your pussy, dripping onto the floor.

"Stop" Jungwoo says and Johnny protests with a grunt. "We're gonna play a game" The boy explains further. Jaehyun walks towards you, blindfold in hand. "You're gonna have to guess who's pleasuring you. You know how to properly call us right?" His eyes are fixed on yours. "Yes Master" you reply. "He's Sir" You say pointing at Johnny. "And he's daddy" This time you point at Jaehyun. "Good girl. Now blindfold her" When he says this, Jaehyun ties the blindfold on the back of your head, his actions are considerate and slow. You note it on your mind hoping that'd help you in the game.

"So here's how this goes. One of us will do something to you and for it to stop you have to say Thank you and the nick of whoever it is. If you want it to continue beg for it in the same way. Undestood?" You pay close attention to the explanation, now that you can't see you're far more focused on the sounds. "Yes Master" You reply with a nod.

There's silence for a moment, until you moan at the sudden caress over your right nipple. After the initial shock you try to think, your first instinct is to identify how the finger might look by the contact it has over your skin. It moves over your nipple, reaching the tough material of the clothespin. There's nothing significant that can help you here. It moves down your sensitive skin, your whole body shakes. There's no way for you to guess it this way. Even when you focus, you find it easier to guess how the fingerprint looks like rather than to actually link it to one of the boys.

Maybe by the way he acts you can guess it. It's not like Johnny to be so patient and you think Jungwoo would have chosen a different action. Jaehyun, it must be him. But now for the important matter, do you want it to stop or to continue? It certainly feels good to feel something after long minutes of painful restriction of the pins. "Please continue... Daddy" You finally make up your mind.

The boy doesn't stop, but after a few seconds the paddle hits your exposed butt. Shit you think. Since the paddle hit you, Jaehyun must be the one holding it. The fingers have gotten faster now, and the skin is begining to feel overworked. "Thank you Master" You finally say, after debating your options for a while.

He stops. "What took you so long?" He whispers into your ear. "Have you forgotten who your owner is?" Your body shakes in response of his words. "No master" You reply right away, his hands carressing your body softly. "Very well" He says before standing up. This leaves a certain emptiness inside of you, you're already missing his presence around you. But this is a game, it is what it is.

You hear something buzz close to your figure, before you can properly identify where it's coming from you feel the vibrations on your right thigh, slowly approaching your wetness. Your walls tighten in anticipation, but before it gets to your clit, the vibrator moves to your left thight. "More please" You moan, desperate for pleasure.

The riding crop Jungwoo was holding hits the bottom of your back, stealing a scream from you. Right the nick, you think to yourself. The vibrator reaches the limits of your folds. "Please daddy" You let out, hoping you're right about this assumption. The vibrator moves towards your clit and its kept there, held by the ropes that were tightened across your hips.

Before a single moan leaves your mouth, soft lips collapse into yours. His big hand holds your head in place while the kiss gets more and more intense. You know you're close when your hips move with uncontrollable spasms. You break the kiss only to ask for permission. "Can I cum Master?" You ask, used to your sessions with Jungwoo, but he chuckles. "It's not me you have to ask to pet" The loud sound of the whip hitting your back stops you from talking.

"Can I cum daddy?" The boy in front of you chuckles and you quickly realize you were wrong all along. "I'm not daddy darling" You can picture his evil smile by the sound of his voice. "I'm sorry sir. Can I cum sir" He laughs "Oh no, no, no. You may not" His hand reaches towards the vibrator and turns it off. Your body complaints at his malicious actions, though your mouth is unable to. "Open your mouth" He orders and you oblige. A hot drop of spit enters slowly. "Now you'll know how I taste right?" He grunts and you simply nod.

His lips trap you into a far more heated kiss, needy even. You blame yourself for not realising the passion of his kiss before. "Sir" You whisper against his lips. At this point you feel like you're more needy than he is. "I need it" You beg. He smiles and gets you right arm free from the ropes and tie, placing it on his length. "Earn it bitch" He says and your hand start moving, up and down, masturbating his hardness. His dick throbs against your soft hand.

You motions pick up a faster pace, triggering a deeper need in him. "Enough" He says, grabbing your wrist firmly. You stop inmediately while he turns the vibrator back on. His hand moves your arm away from his length. "Let me touch you" You plea with a needy voice. He drops your hand onto his shoulder. His lips go back to yours, though they descend along your neck shortly after.

"May I cum please Sir?" You beg in between moans. "Do you want to cum for me?" He asks, removing one of the clothespin with his mouth. "Yes sir, please" You moan out. He releases your other nipple, making you feel even more pleasure. His lips kiss yours passionately and his hand reaches the vibrator, turning it off and removing it this time.

"Oh I forgot this rule" Jungwoo says from behind you. "There's a five minute limit for each one of us" You whine in protest, he chuckles in response. What you assume to be Jaehyun's hand wraps itself with your hair. The strong hand pushes you closer to his dick. Your lips part, letting it enter your mouth.

You remain completely still, letting him take control of your actions. His hand pushes you closer slowly until his tip reaches the back of your throat, since you're used to this, you manage not to gag. But it changes when he thrusts in you faster and harder making you a gagging mess. He pulls out to let you breathe for a brief moment.

His hold on your hair makes it difficult for the blindfold to stay in, so he just rips it off your face. You instantly look up to confirm that it was indeed Jaehyun who'd been fucking your mouth. The sight of his dick right in front of your face is mesmerazing. A smirk draws on his face when he sees the fiixation of your eyes on his hardness. He grabs you by the hair and pulls softly, you crawl following his steps. They guide you towards a sofa where he sits, opening his legs to expose his dick to you.

"Suck" He orders. You nod and move slightly closer to reach better. "Na-ah" He stops you pushing your forehead with his palm. "What do you say?" You gulp and look directly into his eyes. "Yes Daddy" You reply and his hand leaves your forehead. You start by licking it from the bottom to the tip. It makes his dick twitch with pleasure.

You open your mouth widely and get it inside your mouth. Now that he's fully hard though, it doesn't fit as well as before. "All the way in" He comments, and you try, but you can't quite make it. His legs wrap around your neck, anckles pushing you closer to him. You feel his tip entering your throat, a gag. Then it slides in it a bit more. "I said all the way" He says before it reaches the back of your throat and your lips are on the limit of his balls.

His legs go down and you instantly pull out, in search of air. "Good girl" He praises lifting your chin so that you look at him. "Can you do it looking at daddy now?" You feel your cheeks burn with a mixture of passion and embarrassment. "Yes daddy" You manage to let out in between heavy breaths. His leg trap your head again, now your eyes are locked in his.

"Open" He orders and you part your lips. "Wider" You open your mouth wider, sticking your tongue out. "Good girl" He praises before pushing you closer. This time it's quicker and smoother, although when he reaches the back of your throat you gag. It's intense though, to look into his eyes, to see the pleasure you're causing him, the need he's built for you. You stay like that for a while, drooling onto your own thighs.

He pulls out of you again. His fingers collect your spit from his length and feeds it to you, then does the same with what's fallen onto your thighs. He lifts your body and place you laying down on the sofa, head sticking out. He inserts his balls inside your mouth, they're soft and warm. Then he slides his dick inside your throat, this time with his hand on your neck.

Through the pressure he's making on your throat, you can actually feel the bulge forming on it, pressing against his palm. He thrusts in and out of you. Harder. Desperate. "Time's up" Jungwoo's voice forces him to pull out and step away.

"Let's play a different game now" He says. Johnny puts the blidfold back over your eyes and walks you to the same spot you were in. The vibrator returns, when he places it over your throbbing clit you feel you could just cum right there. "You'll be hit by different things, if you guess correctly who did it you get to stay the same way. If you don't we make the toy go faster. You're not allowed to cum during this game. Understood?" You take a deep breath, knowing this will be a hard one. "Yes master" You reply.

You first feel the whip on your thigh. You clearly remember Johnny holding it before so you don't doubt to say "Sir" The vibrator starts moving under your clit with a slow pace. Fuck you think. A paddle coes next, this time you decide to focus on the roughness of the hit. When the wood material touches the sensitive skin of your butt a loud scream leaves your mouth. It hurted. It hurted quite a lot. "Sir" This time it should be right.

And it is, because it stays the same. A palm hits your face. It feels rough, but his hand was soft and moist, it was definetely Jaehyun. "Daddy" The vibrator stays the same way. It goes on for some more rounds. Since it's hard to guess the toy is now almost to its full potential. You've given up at this point. "Please. I'm gonna cum" You cry out. "You can't" Jungwoo's voice breaks you. The deep breaths had stopped working long ago.

Luckily enough a hand reaches, taking the vibrator away from your skin. "You've done great so far pet" Jungwoo's praise makes you sob "This last test will be easy. We'll cum in your mouth and you'll try to guess who's it is. No consequences. After you take all of our loads, you will cum" You whine in desperation but nod at the instructions.

They order you to keep your mouth open, to wait for their loads. The first one is big, fills your whole mouth, hot and liquidy, the taste is bitter. "Daddy" You guess since his precum was slightly similar. "Good girl" He says with a proud smile. The next one is thicker there's less of it and it is rather sweet. You know cum can change over time but this is nothing like Jungwoo's loads. "Sir" Johnny congratulates your guess by spitting in your mouth. Now you're completely sure it was him.

Lastly Jungwoo's hot and citric cum fills your mouth. You swallow them all at once and with a smile say "Master" He pats your head and helps you lay down. He places your head on his crossed legs and removes the blindfold, just in time to allow you to see how the two boys get closer to your pussy. They stick their tongues out and start licking over your folds.

You were already dripping wet, but their saliva makes it all sloppier. The view of their tongues collapsing with each other, while they fight over who gets to lick over your clit makes you blush intensely. Jungwoo's fingers pinch your nipples, keeping them erect. The orgasm starts building up inside of you, body spasming with pleasure.

"Can I cum?" You moan. They all say "Yes" at the same time, followed by encouragements such as "Come for me baby" or "Let me taste your cum" You end up squirting. Jaehyun traps the blast in between his lips, sucking in your juices. Johnny takes his turn right after. And you're left trembling, eyes rolling back into your head and body completely messy with different tastes and fluids.

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Hii, I wanted to inform you all that I'll be testing a new format with the advent calendar fics, so if you leave a comment, I'll reply portraying the characters of the fic. If you want someone specific to answer you write his name, if you don't I'll choose for you. Have a nice day and comment if you want to test this <3

Advent calendar masterlist

Masterlist

[cozyjae]

lovefool- j.suh 🌻🌷💐

info: johnny x reader, dad!johnny, parents au, pregnancy

wc: 2.2k

a/n: helllooooo everyone! i honestly didn’t think i would ever be back posting on this account but i rewrote this piece recently and wanted to share… just my usual pure fluff ❤️ i hope u enjoy!

Your thing with Johnny is really good, sometimes it just feels too good and too right. Everything feels like it’s fallen so effortlessly and perfectly in place. You definitely don’t want to jinx anything, but after eight months of officially dating, Johnny has been absolutely everything you wanted and needed in a guy.

It’s easy to talk to him, to laugh; to tell him anything. Johnny wants to get to know you, to understand and help you. During moments like these when you lie in bed together, when he holds your waist, and when you pet his bed head and he smiles sleepily— you never want Johnny to leave.

Johnny lays beside you now, smelling like your clean sheets and his usual wood and sea salt cologne, warm fingers tracing different patterns against your hip.

You both have been slowly convincing each other to get up eventually and tackle your lazy Sunday plans of grocery shopping and putting together your new Ikea desk. But it’s been over an hour of falling back asleep and slowly blinking awake and neither of you has made much progress yet.

“You ever think about having kids?” Johnny asks suddenly, making you glance up and twist in his arms to look at his sweet face and dazed eyes.

“Yeah,” you whisper, watching how intensely curious he looks. “Sometimes.”

You subconsciously match his small smile, thoughts of an incredibly wholesome future together making your heart unfairly twist in excitement and want. "You’d be such a good dad,” you continue and Johnny grins instantly. “Like an actual dilf.”

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah,” you laugh, hand running down his bicep, “you’d be hot, babe.”

“And like, a good dad?” Johnny emphasizes, making you bite back laughter.

“Yeah,” you admit easily, rolling over to kiss him. “Of course, you would be.” 

Johnny just looks at you like you said something entirely captivating and consuming.

“What?” You smile, pressing your lips against his jaw gently.

“I just want it so badly, I don’t know.” Johnny bends his arms to rest them behind his head. He watches you, suddenly peaceful and content. “I want so much with you.”

-

4 years later

You wake up to the muffled sound of Johnny’s voice, momentarily wondering if he’s on the phone. You smile to yourself when you listen closely and hear his softer and higher tone. You make your way to your kitchen, leaning against the doorframe, appreciating the scene in front of you. Johnny is carefully holding your daughter, Julie, with both arms, walking around the kitchen, while simultaneously trying to make eggs.

He has messy bed hair- similar to yours, a now permanent fashion statement in your household, and stubble dotted along his jaw. You listen to his soft whispers and your heart swells as your baby’s small fingers cling onto his white undershirt and her chubby hand grasps at his arm, softly patting over his floral tattoo.

Johnny has his back to you so you stay unnoticed, enjoying the serene beauty of your husband and daughter together. Julie was already almost eight months old and time felt like it was flying by, even if the sleepless nights felt long, and now, time alone and a longer than five-minute shower felt like a luxury, you couldn't and don't want to remember a time without Julie.

You love watching Johnny with her, love watching the way he so gracefully and perfectly assumed being a father, how attentive he was, and how much he doted on her and took care of you. How he started cooking most days, how he read a ridiculous amount of baby books, and how he insisted on making sure you got a minimum of a few hours of sleep a night.

You watch him bounce Julie gently, leaning against the doorframe as you smile until your daughter spots you from behind his shoulder. She reaches out and giggles with a tiny grin and Johnny turns around, mirroring her smile, which looks enduringly similar to his own.

“Need help?” You ask as Johnny laughs. “There's probably a more effective way to make breakfast but...”

Julie stretches her arms out towards you and reaches over to grab her from his hold. "Coffee?" He asks, knowing your answer.

"Yes please," you smile down at Julie, her soft hairs and long lashes. She leans her head against your chest, already comfortable in your arms. You watch Johnny stand on his tiptoes to grab a coffee mug and you press a kiss to the crown of Julie's head.

What a nice morning.

-

“Come take a picture!” Johnny says and your daughter giggles and toddles over to you, hurrying as fast as her tiny legs can carry her, bound in a large winter coat, mittens, and ear muffs. A tiny chubby arm extends out to you a wordless ask for stability and help. You smile as she struggles to wrap her small arms around your shoulders, tiny hands grasping your jacket. Her full pink cheek smushes against yours, as Johnny takes a picture, “Your first snow this year, baby!”

 “Careful,” you call, reaching out to grasp her hand as she pulls herself into you. she wraps her arm around you, hugging you tightly. you brush back a loose strand of her hair as Johnny repositions the camera, moving around for the perfect picture. 

"Snow!" Julie repeats loudly. She had just started talking and loved impressing everyone with her linguistic skills, taking her limited vocabulary very seriously as she already loved to talk and communicate with the two of you.

“Smile!” He says excitedly, grinning behind his large camera.

Julie listens, grinning with a smile that has always looked exactly like her father’s, and smushes her cheek closely next to yours. Your arm finds its way to the small of her back holding her securely as Johnny takes a picture. 

“Perfect,” he mutters, more to himself, watching his family in front of him.

-

“What’s the surprise?” Julie cries, toying with the hem of her shirt. Her anxious gaze darts back and forth between you and Johnny, upset that you both know something she doesn’t.

At three years old, Julie hates feeling like she's being excluded from something. the hardest part of her routine now attempting to convince her that it's bedtime and neither of you would dare have fun without her.

Johnny hands her a small transparent piece of film. Your daughter plays with it gently, turning it around in her palm. “What does this mean?” She questions, not able to stay still and scooting towards you with wide, curious eyes. 

Johnny holds her close to his body, wrapping an arm around her as she gives him her full attention. “It means in a couple of months you’re going to be an older sister.” Julie blinks with her mouth open, still in shock. She has friends in preschool who were younger siblings or already had younger brothers or sisters. Johnny's cousin recently had twins and Julie was completely fascinated by how tiny they were and that there were two babies.

You knew Johnny always wanted Julie to have at least one other sibling and the timing had finally felt right for the first time since Julie was born a few years ago.

 “Really?” Her voice grows louder in pure excitement, looking at you in awe before her eyebrows furrow, confused, pouting. “Why not right now?” She pouts, immediately turning to her father for an explanation. He laughs loudly, “That’s not how it works, baby," he pulls her into his lap, noting that patience is still hard a hard virtue for a three-year-old.

-

You're tucking Julie into bed a few nights later when she brings up the baby again.

“There’s a baby in there?” Julie asks, pointing to your stomach where a small but noticeable bump began to show.

“Yes sweetheart,” you laugh as she smiles widely, “wow,” her big eyes fill with excitement and curiosity. She reaches out and lays a small, warm hand on your stomach, “hi baby.”

You smile at your daughter, already knowing what a great sister she will be. She gripes the comforter tightly as she moves to your side to cuddle you closer. “Love you,” she mumbles, eyes tightly shut, trying to lull herself into sleep. 

“I love you too,” you say quietly and you eventually think she’s successfully asleep, tucked tightly next to you until she whispers cutely, “I love you baby.” You feel a small tap on your stomach and watch her gently pat your stomach. She snuggles closer, satisfied and closes her eyes for a peaceful sleep. 

-

 “Look!” Your daughter calls as she thrusts a picture towards Johnny, a pink and purple fingerprinted flower. He takes her in his arms, “for me?”Johnny asks shocked, looking at her art. Her arms find his shoulders. “No,” she giggles, “for Mommy!” She finishes, still laughing at Johnny’s reaction.                      

Johnny pretends to look hurt, pouting, “Well, can I have one too?” he asks. She thinks about it, face twisting, “Okay!” The little girl decides and Johnny’s smile grows instantly. “Thank you, baby.”

She frowns, chiding her father with a grin, “I’m not baby.” 

“You’re not?” Johnny asks surprised and she nods approvingly. “Yes, the baby is in mommy right now,” she explains, looking at him to confirm he understands.

“Ahhh,” Johnny nods knowingly, smiling tugging on his lips, “I see. You're right. So smart." Julie hides her smile, leaning against Johnny's shoulder.

“You’re still my baby though, right?" He asks as Julie buries her face into his neck, giggling. “Yes,” she laughs, muffled by the cotton of his t-shirt. 

-

The three of you watched Nemo while Julie was incredibly invested in the story, watching while sitting in Johnny's lap and letting him braid her hair. You're sitting close to them, a blanket draped over you and Johnny watches you sleep peacefully.

Julie sighs against Johnny's chest as he pats her shoulder. "Let’s go to bed, Jules."

She lets Johnny hoist her up and carry her into her room, the one down the hall from yours, with the pink walls and newly upgraded twin bed.

"Daddy," she whispers, clutching her favorite teddy bear. "Will you still love me even if I’m not a baby anymore?"

Johnny blinks and brushes back stray hairs from her face with a soft smile. "Of course, I could never not love you, never ever."

"Ok, Daddy," she smiles to herself, seemingly satisfied.

"Will you still love me?" He asks and Julie giggles.

"Yes!"

"I had to make sure!" He defends and Julie squeals, wrapping her arms around his torso and squeezing tight.

"Jules, Mommy and I will love you forever."

-

“The baby is going to be small,” Johnny explains, walking Julie through the hospital halls as she swings their arms back and forth excitedly.

“Okay,” Julie bounces. "Isn't it cool, daddy, that baby and I have the same birthday month?"

"Wow," he looks down at Julie and her bright, excited eyes, "it really is."

"But we have our own days," she continues, "I think it was meant to be." Julie decides, stopping when Johnny does, in front of your hospital room.

"I think so too," he smiles, squeezing her hand gently and opening the door carefully.

"Wow," Julie gasps, consciously trying not to run up to the hospital bed where you hold a tiny bundle.

"Hi, Jules," you smile, "do you want to meet your brother?"

She nods with wide eyes, already on her tippy toes to try and peer over the tall bed. Johnny instead sits down in the chair next to you and lifts her into his lap. "Here," he murmurs as you carefully pass over your newborn.

"Hi," Julie stares at the small bundle, "Daddy," she gasps, looking up at Johnny. She touches the baby tentatively as Johnny's arm wraps around her waist. Julie is already hyper-fixated on her sibling, on her brother.

"What's baby's name?" She whispers like she's scared of disturbing him.

"Jordan," Johnny says quietly, meeting your eyes with a small, content smile.

"Hi Jordan," Julie smiles, supporting his head gently, turning to look at you. "Do you think he already knows how much I love him?"

You nod, "I think he does." Julie nods with a smile, like that reassures her and you watch her hold her brother, feeling like your family with Johnny felt so complete.

[yongislong]

tiktok prank 2 + 127.

genre: nonidol!127 reacting to you not saying i love you back hehe, fluff, angst maybe? domestic, established relationships. nonidol!127

note: hiii tysm for requesting anon! i hope this lives up to your expectations haha, i had a hard time writing this and tbh im not really happy with it :(, lmk what you all think though! reqs are open! not proofread haha

taeil... says it before he leaves for his night shift. you just reply with a simple "okay darling, be safe!" and he freezes. not down For The Games. stomps back to you crossing his arms, tapping his foot, while unknowingly pouting. you play with him even more by asking him if he forgot anything. he loses it. he catches on that you're messing with him as you try to bite your cheeks to hold in your smile but still plays along bc he thinks this prank is lame regardless!! "YA! I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION!"

johnny... makes his signature confused face after you hang up the phone with a simple "bye babe!" ponders. is sitting in bed replaying every single sentence he contributed during that conversation lol. takes it upon himself to face time you and ask you if maybe, possibly, by chance... you are mad about something. you can't help but laugh and he hangs up. you send him a tiktok of someone doing the same thing and he sends you back a screenshot with your contact name being changed to "pathological liar" with a picture of the joker... thinks its peak comedy

taeyong... pouts. if you don't say you love him back as soon as he pats your head to grab something from the vending machine next to the library, he's so lost. im sorry he's so babygirl i feel like he would actually get so confused. he's the only one who has a public tiktok account and tbh, i feel like he would be addicted to it as a uni student so you really don't think it's gonna work but his overthinking lead to not being able to form valid thoughts lol. immediately sits back down and pulls your chair up to his knees and traps you until you say it back or tell him why you never said it, intense eye contact lol.

yuta... i feel like people would peg him as being annoyed or even borderline mean but i feel like he would be so worried. just expected you to say it after he shouted it before closing the front door behind him and it takes him half a second before he's back inside trying to look for you and asking you whats wrong. you feel so bad LMAO. "you know you can tell me anything right, like literally anything, and it doesn't have to be right know you know, just-!" yeah you kiss him to shut him up. you lie and pretend you didn't hear him because you cannot bare to tell him it was a prank lol :(

doyoung... IM ON MY POUTY DOIE AGENDA idc yes he's grown but i feel like he would absolutely be like "hmmhph???" whiny. "say it baaaackkkkuuhhhghh!!!" you love to mess with him though so you pretend you have no idea what he's talking about. literally shakes it out of you. like grabs your shoulders and squeezes and hugs and twists and lifts and shakes you LMAOOO. if you're both laying down he would start being so annoying and trying to push you off him. he's back to normal once you say it back. he sees the prank a week later online and he sends you the link followed by many frowny emojis

jaehyun... not playing these games fr LMAO. like i've said before i think he's more like... frat boy ish however i think he would really care about whoever he's with, so like yuta, i think he'd be more worried about why you didn't say i love you back after he did before bed, than anything else. he sits up and asks if he did something today that upset you, but you tell him it was a prank. says its an evil prank and demands you delete tiktok immediately lol. i think he would be out of touch with the internet PFT so he's more lost than annoyed or pouty yknow? doesn't get the prank PFTT he's like "that's so mean :("

jungwoo... SOO ANNOYED. 127 said he's actually really manly when he's not on camera but i feel like he'd have a soft spot for you regardless. would be sooo confused before it turns into annoyance. keeps following you around like a puppy and whenever you look at him he gives you the most sassy facial expressions ever. like full nine yards with the eye roll, scoff, crossing his arms, etc. "helloo???" won't stop following you. lives for the silent treatment tbh. it eventually gets too much when you call for toilet paper from your shared bathroom and he ignores you LMAO. says it was a stupid prank and to not do it again but he's smiling and boops your nose while he says it

mark... oh my god please. he's such a gen z, yet he's always a month behind every trend so this completely went over his head. like yuta and jae, is just wondering if he did something wrong. can't live with himself until he gets to the bottom of it. he says it to you over the phone and when you hang up after saying "me too!" he wonders why you didn't actually say i love you. needless to say he walks across campus all the way to your dorms and shows up at your door, scratching the back of his neck asking shyly why you didn't say it back. you play dumb and pretend to not know what it is lol. you admit its a prank after you see him getting flustered and stuttering PFT. you both stay up watching a ton of tiktoks of people doing the trend, he has a lot of opinions on other peoples relationships LMAOO

haechan... please don't ever try and do this to him. he's going to go to the ends of the earth to annoy you. after you don't say it, he gives you that cocky smirk and head tilt while laughing like a mobster LOL. will say it until you say it back, doesn't matter how long it takes. knows its a prank but doesn't care because, to be honest has been waiting for you to try this on him just so he has the excuse to be clingy and follow you around the apartment. and oh boy, he does not let you go until you say it back. tickles it out of you. says the only way to be able to forgive you is to watch disney's hercules together while cuddling

[daydreamingyuta]

NCT Soft Thoughts #10

127 as Types of Kisses 

Jaehyun and Doyoung’s favorite place to kiss you is your neck. Especially when you are busy doing something, he would come behind you and wrap his arms around you, moving your hair out the way and kiss you. I feel like he would also like to watch you doing whatever you are working on for a little bit while he hugs you from behind.

Jungwoo and Taeil’s favorite placed to kiss you is on the hand. It’s just such a simple and subtle way of showing that he loves you. I think he would also intertwine your hand with his after his kiss so that he could hold your hand for a while. 

Mark and Haechan’s favorite place to kiss you is on the temple. Whenever he feels a lot of love for you he can’t help but to pull you close and give you a quick kiss on the temple. And he would especially like to kiss you here when you two are cuddling. he would see you drifting off to sleep and give you the sweetest kiss on the temple right before he falls asleep himself. 

Johnny would love to kiss you on the top of your head because he is so much taller than you. Especially when you are giving him a hug. He would even hold you into the hug for longer so he could give you multiple kisses as you laugh into his shirt because he’s such a cutie. 

Yuta and Taeyong’s favorite place to kiss you is on your lips. I feel like he would think that this type of kiss is the highest form of intimacy, because you are the only one he kisses like this. He might give his mom a kiss on the cheek, or his grandma a kiss on the hand, but these types of kisses are only for you and he loves that. 

[kyufessions]

texts with boyfriend! johnny

context: you bring your boyfriend! johnny to your office’s party

general taglist: @jwnghyuns @eaudenana @soobin-chois

[tyongf-nct]

Hey I'm pretty new to your account and I have read about 3 of your pieces and I could tell that the rest of your pieces are great!! So I just wanna ask for a hard dom Johnny please? I'm going through a Johnny phase and it's not okay☠️

(This is also like my first ever ask so don't mind if I sound weird lol)

anon…i’m cracking up reading these 🤣 thanks for putting a smile on my face. and welcome to my page! i’m glad you’ve liked what you’ve read so far, and thanks for reading the rules! even if you’re not regular, i’ll still tag this ask with your emoji just in case you want to reread the piece in the future ;) this was a pretty broad topic so i hope you enjoy what i did with it! 💕

(also, the johnny phase is so real)

dynamic: johnny suh x fem!reader

warnings/tags: smut, bdsm, hard dom!johnny, sub!reader, penetrative sex (female receiving), spanking, hair pulling, assertive language, 2nd person POV, lack of aftercare bc this is just a drabble and i’m lazy lol

~

The bed frame shuddered with a creak as Johnny slammed into you from behind, your joints struggling to keep you upright. His thick cock plunged in and out of you as you moaned loudly, a small string of drool escaping the corner of your mouth.

“Arch your back more,” he commanded. You complied, shuddering as he pushed deep inside you. The drag of his length sent sparks of pleasure radiating through your core. His big hands gripped your ass, kneading roughly in between slaps. Every few minutes he’d pull a hand back to smack you with enough intensity that the sound echoed loudly throughout the bedroom. You cried out, gripping the sheets beneath you for dear life as he fucked you roughly.

“Tsk, tsk,” Johnny tittered, “Always such a good girl for me. You listen so well,” he murmured. You whimpered, nodding as the haze of pleasure surrounded you. Johnny used one hand to slap your ass again, your skin stinging but the pain was welcome. The two of you were sweaty, skin sliding easily against one another as your elbows finally gave out and you flopped gracelessly onto your face. Johnny didn’t pause, fucking you as your cries were muffled into the pillow.

“Lift up,” his deep voice demanded, “I want to hear your sweet little moans.” You tried to push up onto your hands, but your muscles were lax with pleasure and you were unsuccessful. Johnny sighed loudly before grasping a handful of your hair and yanking harshly, the sting on your scalp pulling a yelp from you.

His mouth came close to your ear as he leaned down so his chest was touching your back.

“I said,” he whispered, “Let me fucking hear you.”

Sobbing, you nodded, unable to muster a verbal response. Johnny kept his hold on your hair and slammed into you with no mercy, groaning quietly as he neared his orgasm. You felt his cock pulse a few times before he spilled into the condom, curses falling from his lips. You clenched around him, chest heaving as he pushed as deep as he could go while he came.

The hand not holding your hair snaked around to the front of you, circling your clit until your legs shook as you climaxed dramatically, pussy still twitching around his cock.

“Fuck, so tight around me, baby,” he huffed a quiet laugh in admiration. You swallowed, small whimpers between breaths as you slowly came back down from that seductive high. Johnny slipped out slowly, the drag against your oversensitive center making you moan pathetically.

The early morning sunlight began to shine through the window, and you lay still to recover as sleep began to pull at you. Your eyes drifted closed and you felt the warmth of Johnny’s tall frame envelop you.

[saeyoungchips]

[10:41 p.m]

today was the day you were supposed to have your first date with johnny. but how can a date go on if it's only one of you?

the climate was not the best, and the crowd in the center of the city was making you uncomfortable.

you wondered if you appeared stupid to them after standing for more than an hour on the spot where you two were supposed to meet.

you took your phone from your pocket and stared at the blank screen, unsure whether you should call him, leave a message, or just accept that you'd been planted.

but when you were ready to accept your reality, your phone started to ring, thanks to the one you should've been with.

"hello?" was the only thing that you could say over the phone, a little disappointed and ready for the excuses that he would voice.

"turn around."

confused, you followed his instructions only to find him standing in front of you, agitated and gasping for air, holding a bouquet of pink camellias with a big smile on his face.

with the phone now forgotten in your pocket again, you gasped at the sight in front of you, only to run next to him.

"you idiot!" you lightly punched him on the chest. "i thought you stood me up!"

"i'm sorry," he chuckled innocently. "i just saw a flower shop along the way, and I couldn't help but think of you," johnny explained as he handed you your favorite flowers.

[haeigoo]

Compass (SJH)

ღ pairing: lifeguard!johnny x fem!reader (less beach stuff, i got carried away lol)

ღ description: nearing graduation, (y/n) spends the weekend at the local pool to unwind the stresses of school, when she meets Johnny Suh, who will be the change of perspective she needs before stepping into the next chapter in her life.

ღ word count: 2,015

ღ genre: ANGST, fluff

ღ warnings: YN HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM FROM THE START (like self-blame, sorry), slight swearing, nothing sexual & i focused on the friendship more

ღ playlist: hate myself by dodie, heaven by maude latour, & karera by bini

ღ author's note: happy one year to me, for posting my first au here (coincidentally). this is personal to me & i’m very proud of putting it out there! <3

DON'T LIKE? DON'T READ!

“(y/n), we just finished our exams,” Mei playfully whined as she nudged your shoulder. “Let’s go out!”

“Where? I wanna stay in the city.” You chuckled.

“The local pool!” Mei rose up from her seat. “You miss swimming.”

“I wouldn’t know anyone there, except you.” You looked up at Mei and smiled.

“That’s exactly why we’re going!” Mei brimmed with anticipation.

While packing for the weekend, you were busy ruminating. Am I 100% sure?

You’ve kept quiet about your vices because you didn’t wanna be a problem for anyone to solve. The possibility of pivoting away from years of dedication to a craft, terrified you and if anyone, god forbid, were to find out, you wouldn’t know how to live with yourself. You indulged in the consequences in great detail, making you sweat profusely as your mind catered to every thought.

Hanging on the wall was your self-portrait from when you were young. Rough squiggly lines from a set of crayons your grandmother got you for Christmas. You had large oblong-shaped eyes and a rectangular smile on the piece of paper.

Imperfect but, you continued. She didn’t have a care in the world, you wondered.

The weekend finally comes when you hear a knock on the door, followed by a sweet tone which called out for you, it was Mei. Who else knows your address? you snickered. She dragged her small luggage inside and charged at you, with a snuggly hug. It just felt right for a moment.

“You look drowsy,” Mei, to her surprise, stepped away. “Was I too early?”

Your eyes widened as you took a deep gulp. If there’s one person worth telling, it’s her, right? you thought.

“Just amped up. Shall we?” You grabbed her hand and plastered a smile. After minutes without a bench in sight, you both arrive at the gate. Awfully spacious, you purse your lips.

“You sure it’s open? Looks like a cemetery.” You let out a laugh.

“Peace and quiet?” Mei giggled.

“Mhm, I do like the sound of that,” You continued. “I’ll just look around.” You left the resting hut.

Again, you were all alone but the fresh breeze did help you soothe your nerves. Walking slowly made you notice how poignant the red and white striped pool lanes were. The heat outside striked the surface of your skin as you brush your hair back. You couldn’t put into words why the constant stream of water keeps colliding.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud inside the restroom. The sink had sachets scattered messily around and a stack of kickboards were on the ground. Unbeknownst to you that taking one step would make you fall flat on the floor. The impact it had on your bottom was so painful, you couldn’t get up nor think clearly. You were greeted by a six-foot man looking down on the mess that is you.

“Shit, sorry! You okay?” The man hastily asks as he reaches out his hand for you.

“You think?” You said with gritted teeth. “My butt’s sore!”

“I’m Johnny, by the way,” Johnny hesitated for a moment before meeting your gaze. “What’s yours?”

“(y/n). But I’ve to go.” You slowly get up off the ground, with zero intent of letting him utter another word.

You were about to leave when Johnny tapped your shoulder. Something about his energy drew you in, so you indulge with what he has to say.

“A lifeguard’s not usually like this,” He continued as he scratched the back of his head. “Lemme make it up to you.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You brushed past him.

Before turning behind your back, Johnny was left standing there, stunned. Curiosity grew deeper and you knew you had to bump into him again.

Practically limping from your swollen bottom, Mei saw you from a far and quickly ran towards your direction. She sits you down at the resting hut with a towel on her back.

“(y/n), who did this?” Mei hands you a cup of water, voice trembling.

“I slipped on the pavement!” You humour her after taking a few sips. Mei lifted a brow in response.

“Just a clumsy lifeguard.” You winced. “But I’m okay!” You look into her eyes intently.

“Doesn’t look like that.” Mei’s voice dropped, avoiding eye contact with you.

“What’re you getting at?” You tilt your head sideways, eyes bulged.

“Just tell me, (y/n).” Her nostrils flare up, voice low.

You took a deep breath as you closed your eyes. You started to mumble, at first, but you kept going. You told her how you endured studying at such a prestigious university because of her and opened up about skipping graduation altogether.

“I brushed it all off because I had you,” Your hands fidgeted. “Now, I’m not so sure.”

“So you’re saying, it’s my fault?” Mei pursed her lips. “You lied to me.” She crossed her arms.

“No, because I’d lose you if I did!” You raised your voice before covering your mouth.

“You know what,” Mei tensed up. “Talk to me when you’ve come back to your senses.” She brushed her forehead with a puzzled look.

Mei dragged her luggage, left the hut without looking back. Shocked to your core, you knew begging was useless. Letting the person you trust the most to pull away was a guttural feeling. You cried yourself to sleep that evening.

You abruptly wake up as the sun hits the surface of your skin. You hear children laughing at the pool when you are interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Sleepyhead.” A glint of light shines from Johnny.

“I don’t recall nicknames.” You retort back, getting up as you rub your eyelids.

“What’s mine, then?” He exchanged.

“Stalker.” A chuckle broke out between the space the two of you shared.

“What’re you doing, aside from spying on me?” You questioned.

“If you must know, I work here,” Johnny said. “Pool’s full today and I need an extra pair of hands. Job’s yours if you want!” He offered.

“I don’t have experience,” Before you could finish, Johnny eyed you up. It was different from the day you first met him. He wasn’t clumsy, but incredulous and had you high on a new feeling.

“Relax, I got you.” Johnny reassured you as he placed both his hands on your shoulders.

Your cheeks turned a shade of red and you knew, he had noticed as before he shook his head. You rolled your eyes at him and nodded.

Your job began by preparing kickboards near the pool. Johnny left you to man the desk for a few minutes, you didn’t expect today to be packed. You took notice of a collision of waves splashing against each other. Opposites, you tell yourself. A different life you could’ve been living if you were honest with yourself versus the one you have today. You’ve dug yourself a grave deeper than your fingers deep into the kickboard you were holding, tightening the grip when it suddenly snaps. And it was your fault. A bunch of kids with dagger eyes, gossiping about you. Tears start to form and blur your vision from what’s ahead when Johnny catches up behind you.

“Let’s go.” Johnny breathed.

“I’m fine.” You said, reluctant to take his help. “Don’t you have a job to do?”

“Technically, you do too.” Johnny laughed. “C’mon, who doesn’t take breaks?” He pulls you up to take you inside.

As you walked through the door, silence welcomed you, but in a good way. Johnny gestured to you to sit at his chair before offering you a cup of water. As you take a sip, you let out a scoff, visibly coughing as your emotions start to burst. Feelings of overwhelm lapped you like ocean waves when you lay everything down.

“I stayed in a program because it’d be too disappointing to throw away years of sweat and tears down the drain,” Your voice low, head in hands. “Now, I lost my best friend.”

You glanced up to see Johnny quiet and for once, you actually felt safe. As you were about to continue, he stood up from leaning against the desk.

“I dropped out years ago.” Johnny said, jerked his head to the side.

Your assumptions of him were disproved, all at once. Nonetheless, your mind grew curious and wanted answers to why.

Johnny opened up about dropping out to pursue a myriad of jobs, eventually landing himself more experiences than anyone you could think of. It wasn’t easy, of course. People in his life developed grudges because there wasn’t any certainty in his path.

“Must’ve been hard,” Your eyes narrowed.

“But, I got me.” Johnny shrugged. “(y/n), you have so much time on your hands. Just gotta learn how to use it.”

“What should I do?” You asked with an empty look.

“You know what you have to do, (y/n).” Johnny grinned.

It was sundown and with residents leaving, it was just the two of you again. You’ve overstayed your welcome and couldn’t bear facing another day without Mei. You thought it was ludicrous to write to a stranger.

Thanks for everything, Johnny.

Don’t be a stranger, I’ll be at 29 St. C.U.P. id Auditorium @ 5PM tomorrow.

The morning of your graduation comes and needless to say, you should’ve been at the venue, but there you were, standing outside of Mei’s door. With a simple knock, you hear the twist of the knob turn, taking a deep gulp before opening your eyes was all that seemed certain.

“Spare me five minutes?” You asked.

Mei nods her head, still arms crossed and not uttering a word.

“I’m sorry,” You continued. “Just the program itself, but I was never lying to you about who I was.”

If it weren’t for the weekend, you would’ve never gained the strength to apologize to her. But you had arrived here, feeling a lot more secure of yourself.

“C’mere.” Mei pulls you into a tight embrace, arms wrapped around every inch of you as tears cascade down. “You’re gonna figure this out.” She said reassuringly.

After some time, you went home to prepare and as you were getting dressed, your mind wandered off to that weekend. You’d hope he’d show but brushed it off immediately. He’s probably busy, you say to yourself.

The auditorium was a street away and as soon as you stepped inside, it was a different atmosphere. A widely packed audience filled with people’s emotions gushing uncontrollably. Fellow batchmates called for your attention. This isn’t so bad, you thought.

You found your seat by the end of the row as the event began. The crowd grew loud with the heartfelt speeches that the professors and students gave. The time came to line up before the stage and you were growing uneasy.

“Next, (y/n) (l/n)!” The speaker exclaimed.

Your lips start to curl downward, eyeing the diploma. The dean shook your hand and pulled the other to slip the paper in. Unreal. The photographer was gesturing in front of you when your eyes veered from across the crowd, Mei smiling with her thumbs up close to her face.

And with a flash, you’re a fresh graduate. Still feels like pretend except you have the gown and diploma to prove it.

The ceremony ended with tearful goodbyes as trenchers were thrown up into the sky. You rose from your seat when a bouquet of flowers found its way into your arms.

“Excuse me,” Johnny continued. “I think you dropped this!” All dressed in his most comfortable sweater and slacks, accentuating his physique.

No longer fighting away tears, you accept what’s in front of you. “I’m glad you came.” You sniffled.

“No tardies.” Johnny snickered. “But, I’m really proud of you.” He leaned closer, meeting your gaze.

Johnny placed both his hands on your waist and you were expecting a hug, when he picked you up and spun you around. Giggles escape between the two of you.

You weren’t known for taking risks, but you probably wouldn’t be here without it. You start the next chapter of your life with a fresh take in mind.

[saturnznct]

d3 - christmas in chicago | jhs

➸ word count; 1240 words

➸ jude; aged 14, verity & katie; aged 5, connor; aged 1 month 

➸ alternative names used; junho (jude), eunyoung (katie)

dadmas masterlist | nct masterlist

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Surprisingly, your five-year-old twins are not the ones who wake you up at five in the morning on Christmas Day. Instead, you arise to the sound of your one-month-old son fussing in his bedside crib.

You stretch, shifting around to position yourself upright. It’s been roughly three or four hours since you last fed, and your body reacts accordingly, loose white t-shirt beginning to dampen. 

‘I’ll take him,’ Johnny murmurs from behind you, in his raspy morning voice.

‘He needs fed,’ you reply, lifting Connor up from the crib and onto your chest.

‘I’ll keep you company,’ Johnny settles further into the pillows, lightly tickling Connor’s feet with his finger.

This year, you’d found yourself in Chicago for Christmas. Last year you had spent the holiday in Korea after staying there for a little stint because of Johnny’s work, but you had come back to your home in Chicago during the summer to prepare for the birth of your youngest son.

Your hair falls as you turn your head to smile at Johnny, so he reaches a hand out to push the stray hair behind your ear. 

‘Merry Christmas, beautiful,’ he rubs your cheek on the way back down with his thumb, before dropping it down to the back of Connor’s head, ‘and Merry first Christmas, little man.’

‘Merry Christmas, John. Our last first Christmas,’ you smile lazily.

‘Well, I mean, we could have another surprise-‘

‘Absolutely not,’ you interrupt, and he laughs sheepishly, ‘four is more than enough.’

‘I know, I was kidding,’ Johnny kisses your elbow, ‘I love our family so much.’

Johnny just watches you feed for a few minutes before your bedroom door cracks open, two little girl’s faces appearing behind it.

‘Hey girls,’ Johnny sits up on his elbows, the twins taking it as an invitation to come inside.

‘It’s Christmas, daddy,’ Katie crawls up onto the bed, Verity not far behind her. 

‘It is, angel,’ Johnny lets her crawl into his arms, ‘do you think Santa’s been?’

The twins nod rapidly, both inching closer towards their father.

‘Can we go downstairs and go and see, daddy?’ Verity bounces on her heels with excitement.

‘Mommy’s feeding your little brother, Vev,’ Johnny explains, ‘we’ll have to wait until he’s done, okay?’

‘Okay,’ the girls sigh, slightly dejected, but the excitement quickly outweighs it.

The four of you talk quietly for a few minutes, the twins buzzing about potential presents Santa may have brought them. Once Connor pulls away from you, the twins automatically straighten up, ready to jump out of bed to harass Jude into waking up.

‘Girls-‘ Johnny tries to get them to slow down, but they’re already reaching up and pulling your bedroom door open, plodding along down the hallway towards their older brother’s bedroom.

‘Can you manage?’ Johnny lays a warm hand just under your shoulder.

‘Yeah, you go make sure they don’t jump on his head.’

Johnny leaves the room as you rise from the bed slowly, beginning to pat Connor’s back.

Jude is leaning against the hallway wall, half asleep still, once you emerge from the bedroom.

‘Morning,’ you chuckle, his face brightening when he sees you and his baby brother.

‘Can we go downstairs now?’ Katie tugs on Johnny’s sleeve. 

‘Yeah, come on angel, let’s go and see what Santa’s brought you.’

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

‘Grandma!’

‘Hello little ones,’ Johnny’s mother hugs her granddaughters before looking up and noticing Jude.

‘Junho-ah,’ she breaks away from the twins to hug Jude, ‘Merry Christmas.’

‘John-ah, Y/N! How’s the little one?’

‘Groggy,’ you turn to the side slightly to show Connor laying against your chest half-asleep, ‘someone is ready for his morning nap.’

‘Go put him down, his little crib is still in the spare room.’

Johnny’s parents had a little fold-out crib for Connor just in case you spent a long time there. 

‘I’ll put him down, come on,’ Johnny takes Connor from you, rocking him slowly as he ventures up the stairs.

‘Merry Christmas mum/mom,’ you hug Johnny’s mother, ‘thank you for hosting this year.’

‘You know how much I love cooking for you guys,’ she replies, ‘you’ve made such a big family, it warms my heart to have you all here together.’

‘He went straight to sleep,’ Johnny reappears at the top of the stairs, ‘all the Christmas excitement made him tired I think.’

‘Now that we’re all here,’ Johnny’s dad says, ‘lets start on presents!’

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

‘Oh, Eunyoung, no,’ Johnny’s mother lunges across the kitchen counter, grabbing Katie by the waist and lifting her down from the stepstool, just as she was about to put her fingers in the cake batter.

‘Sorry mum/mom,’ you manage to eventually catch up with Katie, the one month old Connor in your arms, ‘I lost sight of her for like two seconds.’

‘It’s okay dear, you should be sitting! Wow I’m getting too old for this.. Where’s my son, he should be- John!’

Johnny appears in the doorway behind you, holding Verity.

‘Sorry, little miss spilled water all over herself.’ He lets Verity down, who scampers over to her Grandmother and twin sister.

‘Girls, how about you go play with your new toys?’ Johnny’s mother suggests, ‘let your mum/mom rest.’

‘No, I’ll help you with dinner-‘

‘No you will not,’ she fires back sternly, ‘you just gave birth. Go sit on the couch and relax.’

Sensing that she won’t back down, you retreat to the couch, where Jude is laying around on his phone.

‘Are you ok, mum/mom?’ Jude looks up from his phone in concern when you quietly whine in discomfort.

‘I’m good, just achy,’ you don’t think your teenage son wants the details of your postpartum body. 

‘Can I do anything?’ He offers, forever the sweetest boy.

‘You could play with your sisters,’ you suggest, ‘stop them from getting in your grandma’s way.’

‘Okay,’ he throws his phone down, wandering over to the girls and feign excitement over their dolls.

Johnny helps his parents with the cooking, darting around the kitchen, pulling things off the hob, out of the oven and into dishes ready for the dining table. 

‘Dinner’s ready!’ Johnny’s mother calls.

You place Connor in the crib you’ve brought downstairs, as Jude and the twins practically sprint over to the dining table.

‘Ah-ah, not so fast,’ Johnny chastises, ‘let’s carry a dish each.’

He gives the twins a cooler dish each, which they carry to the table and put down, before sliding into their seats. 

‘You, sit down,’ Johnny’s mother swats at you when you appear in the kitchen and try to help.

‘Alright, dig in everyone,’ Johnny’s mother announces.

‘Kids,’ you begin sternly before they pick up their utensils.

‘Jal meogeotseumnida,’ the kids chirp in unison, Johnny’s mother laughing as they start stuffing their faces as soon as the last syllable leaves their mouths.

‘You’re welcome.’

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

‘Hey,’ Johnny is sitting up in bed, orange glow of your bedside lamp illuminating the bare skin of his chest.

‘Hi,’ you’d just finished saying goodnight to Jude.

He wraps his arms around you once you’re in bed beside him.

‘I had the most perfect day,’ he murmurs sleepily.

‘Me too. Exhausted now.’

‘M’not surprised. But I love being in Chicago with you, and our family.’

‘It feels like home, doesn’t it?’

‘It is home. But anywhere with you is.’

‘You’re so cheesy,’ you cringe, ‘but I agree with the sentiment.’

‘Merry Christmas, I love you.’

‘Merry Christmas, John. I love you too..’

[catboyieejeno]

Camera Roll; jung jaehyun

screenshots you've taken from facetime calls

more of the Camera Roll Series

+.*·

requests r open

+.*·

[outro-jo]

pairing: johnny suh x reader (fem)

type: blurb

summary: you overhear a cute conversation between your husband and daughter

warning: dad au (cringe), i actually assigned a gender to reader and child (double cringe), domestic fluff 🤢

a/n: i wrote this purely for my johfam bestie to hurt her feelings 😌 also johnny at the end is joking. our king isn’t that insecure (pls don’t request dad aus lol)

masterlist | info

——————————

“ow!” you heard from down the hall shortly followed by a, “quit pulling!”

“i’m not pulling. now, sit still.” you heard the much deeper voice respond. “you’re worse than your mother.” he mumbled.

you made a mental note to get him later for that as you made your way down the hallway, resting on the doorframe when you reached the bathroom door. 

“are you excited for school?” johnny asked the little one sitting in the bathroom sink.

“no,” she said in a tiny pout as she played with the doll in her hands. her lips looking too much like her fathers when he gives you the same pout. 

johnny sighed affectionately, “and why is that?”

“what if the other kids don’t like me? what if they all say i’m weird like uncle haechan?” 

you had to stifle a laugh as to not draw attention but johnny didn’t hold back. he threw his head back and laughed loudly. 

“baby, i can promise you, as weird as your uncle haechan is, he has a lot of friends and people that love him.” he had finished with her hair and leaned down to look her in the eyes. “you are beautiful and smart and funny and you have all the best qualities i know will get you a lot of friends.”

the little girl gave her father a toothy grin before reaching up to hug his neck. 

“isn’t that right, mommy?” johnny asked, startling you. he was always doing that. it’s like he had a sixth sense about when you were in the room.

“yes, sweet girl.” you smiled at her, walking over. “i know you’ll have a great time and make lots of friends and eat yummy snacks and play on the playground and all the fun things that come along with school. i bet you’ll even be excited to the day after.”

“ok…” she said, retreating back into her head in thought. “but i don’t wanna be like *older sister*. she’s too boring. she likes to read too much.”

“you can thank your mom for that one, kiddo.” johnny teased, earning a slap to his rib cage.

“baby girl, you are gonna go and be you, which is perfect.” you kissed her nose lightly.

“i love you, mommy.” 

your heart soared as the reached up to hug you this time. you lived for these kinds of moments as a mom, knowing once she hit the teenage years like her older sister is about to, these moments will be few and far between.

“uhm, what about me?” johnny feigned annoyance.

“love you too, dad.” she said nonchalantly as she hopped down off the bathroom counter and ran off. 

johnny stood stunned with his jaw agape and you nearly doubled over in laughter. he raised a hand to his chest continuing his charade.  

“maybe she should be more like her uncle haechan. at least he loves me.” 

you pat his shoulder as you turn to leave. “keep tellin yourself that, babe.”

“ok, but you love me, right?!?”

[starryjeekies]

~ Just Bein’ a Pal ~

Pairing: johnny x afab reader

Genre: smut

Summary: there’s something you’ve always had a problem that prevents you from dating. johnny, being a pal, just wants to help you out overcoming your problem.

Warning(s): fingering, pet names, talk about oral, nothing extreme

Words: 4k

A/N: hello! I’ve been having some really bad writer’s block and in general problems with my health so I’m sorry for the lack of posts. I plan to get through my asks soon! also look out for a new spicy post from me soon, I plan to start writing it this week.

You couldn’t really complain much about your life. You had a good paying job, a decently priced apartment that you shared with your best friend, and you didn’t have too many stressors in your life. The one stressor that you couldn’t seem to solve, though, did make you quite frustrated. It made dating hard and because of that, you were perpetually single. Hookups were out of the question and you would constantly grow frustrated that the only way to get off was because of yourself. It made you even more frustrated that your roommate was constantly banging chicks left and right, having exponentially more sex than you. You desperately wished you could do that.

When you come home from work one day, Johnny is already relaxing on the couch with his favorite TV show on. “Got out early today?”

“Yeah, it was pretty slow and I have to wait for Haechan to come back from vacation to work on our project.” He says, turning to smile towards you. He sees your exhausted look and asks, “Long day?”

“Yeah, I’m going to try to unwind for a bit.” You sigh, kicking your shoes off.

“Okay, I’ll start dinner and I’ll call you when you’re ready.” He tries to take a load off of you, turning back to his show.

“Thanks, John.” You walk past behind the couch to your room, ruffling his hair lightly in the process. “You’re the best.” You go into your room and close the door. You slough off your work clothes and replace them with comfier shorts and a tank top. Lying down on your bed, you pull out your phone to start scrolling through Tumblr. You try to forget about the stress of your workday but it doesn’t seem to pass. There’s only one thing that usually works but even then, that can stress you out. Fuck it, it can’t get any worse.

You set your phone down on your nightstand and start trailing your hand down into your shorts. After slipping your hand underneath your underwear, your middle finger starts to circle your clit. You breathe out shakily as you feel some stress releasing from your shoulders. Your mind starts to go blank as you focus solely on your pleasure. Sometimes the jolts to your clit makes your legs quiver and your breath catches in your throat. After a few more seconds of rubbing, you lightly dip your fingers into your heat to collect some of your juices to aid you in your quest for an orgasm.

Your body starts getting hotter, your forehead starting to bead with sweat. You gulp down any moans that may threaten to spill to not alert Johnny to what you’re doing, not that he would really care anyway. The coil starts to build in your core as you continue between circles and strokes, trying to prolong it as much as you could. You can feel your fingers start to be slick from your arousal. Your breathing starts getting ragged as you continue to work your body in your favor. Fuck it, now or never.

You slowly sink your middle finger into your cunt, relishing in the way you’re easily able to slide into yourself. You pump your finger in and out of your hole, your palm hitting your clit every time. After feeling relaxed enough, you try to slip your ring finger alongside your middle one and start to feel that uncomfortable stretch. You huff out, slightly frustrated, and start trying to work your way to your orgasm again. But no matter what you did, you couldn’t keep your orgasm building and instead felt your cunt become sore. “God fucking damnit.” You give up on your endeavor of penetration and focus back on your clit.

It’s a shame that because of your test, the orgasm you do have is less intense than ones you’ve had before. It takes everything in you to not scream into your pillow about the situation. For some reason, no matter what, penetration just doesn’t work. It’s almost like your body refuses to open up and let anything in no matter how wet you are. That’s what makes dating hard. That’s why you can’t do hookups. No guy actually knows where the clit is so there’s no way for you to be able to get off in sexual intimacy with a partner. It irritates you.

You get up off of the bed, fixing your underwear and shorts before grabbing your water bottle and heading to the bathroom. After washing your hands, you make your way to the kitchen to fill it up in the sink.

Johnny has started making dinner, cutting up some vegetables. He takes in your scowl, slowing down on his motions. “What’s got you looking so sour?”

“Nothing.” You grumble, looking at the running water and then keeping your eyes on the counter as you take a drink. Your sigh is deep as you keep your eyes off of him.

“Doesn’t really sound like ‘nothing’ to me, but keep your secrets.” His voice is lighter, letting you know he doesn’t mind listening to you.

You glance up at him, then push your hair out of your face. Your eyes rest back on your water bottle. “Have you ever had problems, like, fucking a girl?”

“Uh, you mean like when a girl turns me down?” He chuckles lightly, his brown eyes looking at you.

“No, like, actually having sex.” You huff, not knowing exactly how to word it. “Like putting it in?”

“I know where the hole is, Y/N, and I feel insulted if you think otherwise.” He quirks an eyebrow up, completely stopping what he’s doing.

“Johnny, give me a break, okay? It’s fucking embarrasing.” You hide your face in one hand. “Asking sex advice in general is embarrassing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with asking questions.” He assures, setting the knife down. “I think it’s just interesting you’re coming to me for pussy advice.”

“Jesus christ, okay, have you ever not been able to put it in?” You blurt out, causing him to shut up. “Like no matter how much lube or foreplay you do, it’s hard to put it in?”

Johnny’s eyes dart around your face, seeing how vulnerable you’re being. “Not like a hymen thing, but a tightness thing.”

“Yes,” You look up at him for a moment to see him attentively listening to you. “No matter what I do, it hurts. It’s not supposed to hurt, uncomfortable for a moment, maybe, but anything more than a finger hurts.”

Johnny nods, starting to piece together more of your story. “Have you ever had a dick fully inside you?”

“Once and I actually started crying, it hurt so bad.” You mumble, remembering the last time you tried having sex. “He told me I was tight but he wasn’t even abnormally big, like he was pretty average. I pushed him off because it wouldn’t stop stinging.”

His face is soft, not wanting you to regret being vulnerable with him. You and Johnny always trust each other, there wasn’t a reason either of you wouldn’t come to each other for advice. He knew you didn’t really mess around like he did; he couldn’t really name a time you talked about seeing someone or going out with someone in the year you lived together. Now it’s starting to make sense as to why. “Well, let me give you the advice I gave Mark,”

“Not Mark.”

“Sometimes it’s best to do nothing.”

You blink at him, not understanding what exactly he means, Your ears start to grow red when you ask him, “So like, better to just give up and not have sex?”

“No, no, not like that.” He tries to clear up what he means. “Like once he’s in, to not move at all. Let you adjust to whatever it is first before starting to move. I had to give that advice to Mark so he wouldn’t nut too quickly.”

You roll your eyes lightly, knowing your mutual friend would be the guy to nut as soon as he first slips into a girl. “So pretty much just wait it out once he’s in? How can I stop a guy from full on railing me and keep him long enough to be okay?”

“Hopefully the guys you fuck won’t be impatient assholes.” He quips, earning a light slug in the shoulder from you. “You don’t wanna fuck someone who doesn’t listen anyway.”

“Fair point. I just wish I knew how long it will take to adjust.” You groan, taking another drink of your water.

“We can test it out?”

You look at him, not sure if he’s serious or not. “We or me?”

“We, guy fingers are longer and thicker than yours anyway so you’d need to get the real deal.” He suggests it's a board game night.

You stare at him for a moment before  bursting out in a chuckle. “Just a pal fingering another pal.”

“Just bein’ a pal.” He agrees, a light shrug coming off of his shoulders. “You don’t have to obviously, but it might help when you do it first with someone who can understand you.”

“Oh so you understand my pussy problems?” You laugh, watching him put his hands up in defense.

“Listen, I’m not saying I’m gigantic or anything, but I’ve had to stay still to let them adjust before.” He’s slightly cocky while saying it, but you can agree. You accidentally walked in on Johnny masturbating before and he…does not disappoint.

“No, no, I take your word for it.” You shake your head lightly, setting your water bottle down. “My bed or yours?”

He doesn’t say anything for a second, he just stares at you and blinks like you did earlier. “Right now?”

“I mean why not? You offered and I’m taking you up on that offer.” You say plainly. “Might as well do it now to try it out.”

“Then let’s try the couch, I’ll get better leverage.” He says, washing his hands in the sink beforehand.

You nod and start heading to the couch, moving the pillows out of the way to make room for you and Johnny. You discard your shorts to the edge of the coffee table and wait in your undies, hearing the sound of the water turn off.

Johnny walks back over to you, seeing you wait for him patiently on the couch. “You ready for this?”

“Yeah, I’ll just block it out that it’s you.” You smirk, seeing him reel back like he’s been sucker punched.

“Wow, right to the ego.” He stumbles back lightly but then sits on the couch next to you. “Do you have lube or do you want to get yourself wet?”

“I think I can do it, I think my rebound has worn off.” You take off your panties and rest your feet on the edge of the coffee table, hiking your knees up and spreading your legs enough to allow yourself access. The thought of Johnny watching you is kind of humiliating but it might just help even though you would never admit it to him. “Don’t get any funny ideas.”

“Just here to help.” He says nonchalantly. He watches as you close your eyes and your hand trails down there. He sees the way your chest heaves at first when your fingers finally touch your clit. He takes notes of exactly how you touch yourself. He would never let you know he’s wondered exactly how you would fit around him, a fleeting thought he has once every couple of months. Now he’s more nervous for you as he really doesn’t know if you could take him. Logically, he knows you probably could with enough adjustment and work, but he doesn’t want to hurt you like the others have. You’re still his best friend after all, he just wants to help.

With thinking about Johnny’s fingers being inside you, it helps you speed up your slickness. Just like before, you dip your middle finger into your heat to spread it around and try to lubricate your whole cunt. You can feel the coil start to wrap up again as your eyebrows knit up, ready to try and chase that high again.

“Easy, baby girl, can’t have you cumming just yet.” Johnny’s voice is low, trying to ease you out of your march towards an orgasm. “Can’t be overstimulating you.”

You quickly pull your hand away, knowing he’s right and you should stop before you get too deep in. Your chest is heaving and your eyes flutter open lightly, trying to bring yourself back to earth. “Okay, okay. I think I’m good.”

Your older friend grabs your hand in his, holding it gently. “If it hurts, let me know. I’ll go slow.”

You nod, giving him a light squeeze in return. “Thanks, pal.”

He smiles at your lightheartedness, then puts his first two digits into his mouth to coat them with his spit. Once he pulls away, a tiny string of saliva falls from his lips. He slowly rubs over your folds, making sure to pick up as much arousal as he can before sliding one finger in you. Your hand squeezes him gently and he can feel exactly what you mean; even with one finger, it feels tighter than what he’s done previously.

You bite your lip lightly, trying not to hold your breath at what’s to come. It doesn’t feel too terrible, nothing you couldn’t withstand, but it was easy to feel every inch of his finger. It didn’t seem like depth was going to be a problem for you. Johnny’s hands were, indeed, much larger than yours but the length didn’t seem to affect your comfortability as much as the stretch did. You could feel Johnny’s gaze on you and you open your eyes to see him trained on your face. You huff slightly, taking a glance down at his hand resting inside you. “Piece of cake.”

“You sure you’re okay?” He wonders, able to tell you’re still nervous about the possibility of pain. “Or do you want me to wait?”

“It wasn’t bad, number two is where it’s going to suck though.” You huff, eyes now fixated on his hand. “I promise I won’t scream.”

“If you did, I’d stop.” He promises, then slides his finger out and slowly starts putting two in. “Just tell me when.”

You take note about how two guy fingers feel almost equal to three of your fingers and your face screws up, feeling that stretch again. Your grip on his hand tightens as he’s about halfway before the burning becomes too much. Your nails dig into the back of his hand as you hurriedly say, “Okay, okay, stop, stop, stop!”

Johnny immediately holds his movements, not going any further with you. “It’s okay, keep breathing,” He places a gentle kiss on your temple, resting his forehead against you afterwards. “Just wait it out.”

“This looks like the exact opposite of childbirth.” You joke, your eyebrows flicking up in slight amusement. “You pushing something into my vagina.”

The man laughs, causing your tensions to fade slightly. “Hopefully this isn’t as painful.”

“Unless we can figure this out, I won’t be having kids to find out.”

The man takes note of how your face relaxes as the moments go by. He feels more at ease the more you relax. He can’t really tell if your walls are relaxing along with your mental state, and he won’t know until you give him the okay to move again. Realization starts to finally set in that he, Johnny Suh, has his fingers halfway pushed into your, Y/N Y/L/N, pussy. He’s been in slippery situations, but has never done something like this with one of his best friends. “You know, I can honestly say this is the first time I’ve done something like this with my best friend before.”

“Oh yeah?” You glance over at his face, starting to try to relax your thigh muscles so you don’t get a cramp. “Can’t say the same.”

“You’ve fingered a best friend’s pussy?”

“No but I did suck Jeno’s dick before.”

“What?” He sounds astonished that he did not know this information beforehand. “When did you do that?”

“Summer of last year on that camping trip me, him, Jaemin, Xiaojun, Ten, and Sungchan all went on.” You explain, shifting slightly further up on the couch but careful not to move too much. “We were two to a tent and in the morning, he woke up with wood and unsuccessfully tried to take care of it without waking me up. So I sucked his dick and went to make pancakes.”

He stares at your face for a second, taking in the fact you’ve sucked Jeno’s dick before his. “‘So I sucked his dick and went to make pancakes.’ That is the most nonchalant way I’ve ever heard someone say they gave their friend oral.”

“Neither of us have brought it up to this day, so just think of it as like now, just helping a friend out.” You wink, then swallow slightly. “Which I think you might be good to move.”

“If you’re sure,” He continues, starting to push further into you.

You watch as his fingers slip further inside of you, feeling the way they start sliding easier again against you. The pain is duller now, not as stinging as it was before. You feel his palm reach your clit without feeling any more significant pain. You squeeze his hand lightly, letting out a light breath. “Oof, okay, that wasn’t so bad.”

“Starting to feel better?” He wonders, his voice still soft.

“Yeah, yeah a little. I can still feel it stretching but it’s not unbearable anymore.” You explain, resting your head back against your couch. You turn to him a little and ask, “How many fingers do you usually use when you finger a girl?”

“Oh, that’s a question.” He laughs at the fact you’re having this conversation more than the question itself. “If it’s for foreplay, then just two. If I’m fingering to get her off, then three.”

“I’m good to stick with two.” You say, wondering about if you can do this again to try to get to three. “We can try three next time.”

“So you want a next time?” Johnny smirks, seeing the way your cheeks turn pink. “What’s in it for me?”

“Hold on a second, I don’t even know if I can cum with penetration!” You try to defend yourself. “There’s no point in doing three if actual penetration doesn’t feel good.”

“So now you’re suggesting I finger fuck you?” He sounds like you’re making an incredulous request.

“You’re already halfway there, John, come on.” You huff, wanting to try to get off now that he’s here. Now that your body has relaxed enough, you hope that something actually doing work down there might give great rewards. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if it was Johnny who was the first man to make you cum. You squeeze Johnny’s hand and shake it slightly. “I’ll suck your dick once whenever you want me to, just please finger me.”

“Desperate now, okay, okay.” His voice is sultry, giving your temple a kiss before his fingers start sliding out of you. “Whatever you want, baby girl.”

You feel Johnny take his time sliding out of you before pushing back in. Everytime he repeats his motion, his palm rests roughly against your clit. Your eyes flutter shut as you try to keep yourself from straining your body. You don’t want to make yourself too stressed about your body not obeying you, so you keep your mind free of worry and focus on Johnny taking care of you. It starts to finally feel good, something that was so foreign to you unless it was yourself. Now that Johnny is in control of your pleasure, it seems like an orgasm is more tangible.

“Finally feeling good, baby girl?” Johnny whispers in your ear, feeling your body start to make it easier for him to move in and out of you. With the desperate nod of your head, he smiles and starts to move a bit faster. He watches as you squirm, making sure he’s still making you feel good. His eyes glide down to watch as he moves in and out of you, seeing his fingers slick with your arousal. He smirks with his pride. “I can tell you’re feeling much better.”

“It finally feels good, fuck.” You breathe out, trying to move your pelvis to hit his hand. Now you feel comfortably full with his fingers inside you. You can feel your head start to spin when you start thinking of how his dick would feel inside of you. It makes your walls convulse around him. There was still that tinge of a stretch but it feels full. The burn you feel in your core isn’t from pain but from pleasure. Your orgasm is building up from penetration, from Johnny. The whimpers that come out of your mouth could be seen as pathetic but you don’t care.

“You sound adorable when you whine.” His voice is low and sultry, hot against your ear. He is drinking up your moans and the way your pussy is sucking his fingers into you. He takes notice of the way you bite your lip to prevent yourself from sounding needy but he wishes you would let them out. Seeing you feel good is one thing, being the one to make you feel good is a whole other. He can see the way you’re starting to lose control as your hips keep moving, trying to get as much contact as possible. “You want to cum for me, baby?”

“I’m so close, fucking so close, Johnny.” Your eyes flutter open to look at him and you swear you could’ve cum just from looking at how his eyes are focused on you. You squeeze his hand, wanting him to absolutely destroy you. “More, please?”

“Well, since you said please.” He squeezes your hand back slightly. “Let me know if it’s too much.”

You were taken aback by how he starts to piston his hand into you, not hitting you too hard but his speed is on another level. The words start tumbling out of your mouth. Incoherent babbles fill the room growing in pitch and volume. The way his palm hits your clit perfectly every time too doesn’t help. The knot is finally about to burst when his fingers start to curl up to hit your g-spot and you can’t help but squeal as it washes over you. The orgasm hits hard as your legs start to shake and your chest heaves with your breathing. Your body goes cold before it heats back up, rushing up your head and down your legs.

His fingers slow down but stay inside you as you come down from your orgasm. He watches as you try to regain your senses, your body still convulsing every few seconds from your release. He presses another soft kiss to your temple, watching your lips quirk up in a small smile.  “Did that do the trick?”

“Thankfully.” You giggle lightly. Your eyes open up to see him with a smile on his face too. “You have become my new favorite person.”

“Well, I won’t be after this. Stay still.” He mentions, then his fingers start to slowly slide out of you. He sees the way your face contorts from overstimulation. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“Could’ve left them there for a minute.” You groan. The full feeling is now gone and is replaced with a slight ache, but nothing too horrid.

“Maybe you should try cockwarming next time.” He suggests, placing his fingers on his tongue to wipe them clean of you.

You’re mesmerized for a second, watching him have a taste of you. “First of all, hot. Secondly, let’s try three fingers, then cockwarming.”

“Name a time and place.” Johnny suggests, his eyes clearing up from their lustful haze. “Don’t forget you promised to suck my dick though.”

“I could take care of that now.” You smirk, then glance down at his basketball shorts to see his little tent. “Since, you know, circumstances arose.”

[heavenstocharlee]

Incandescent // j.suh

“If we kiss, it all becomes real.”

Summary: You have a strict rule: Never ever hook up at weddings. Despite your distorted view on romance, you were invited to attend an evening wedding in Chicago. Little did you know, you were about to meet a charming man who was willing to break the rules. You decide to lay your cards on the table and see if this man can make your night a little more interesting. One game to test the fateful waters, but can your heart remain steadfast?

Characters: Johnny Suh x fem!reader

Category: strangers to lovers!au / fluff / tooth-aching amount of flirt / slight angst

Word count: 4k

Warnings: none

Song inspiration: You Don’t Know Me by Michael Bublé

Writer’s notes: Hello everyone! Here is a fic inspired by an episode in How I Met Your Mother (S1E12: The Wedding) when Ted met Victoria for the first time. This is part 1/2 of the Light Series, and I hope to publish the sequel before the year ends. However, this can also be read as a stand-alone story, so I hope you enjoy regardless! This was my most challenging fic to write yet, but I am ecstatic to share this piece with you guys. Best wishes to everyone and happy reading! 

The romantic tune of the waltz rouses you from your dazed consciousness. It seems like you have been staring at the newly wedded couple in front of you for quite some time now. The honeyed atmosphere of the room is quite palpable, as the lovers are dimly lit and holding each other on the dance floor. You divert your gaze to the decorations of the room. It is simple yet carefully elegant in its way, so you remind yourself to give compliments to the planner later. The groom preferred a classic Victorian-styled décor, so they coordinated cream and peach-colored themes. On the other hand, the bride requested the presence of white daisies, as it reminded her of their first date in a botanical garden in London. Her smiles do ring of innocence, you thought, so it was only fitting for the blossoms to appear on this occasion. Moments like these seem to play in your mind frame by frame, and so are the wistful sentiments that have echoed in your heart for quite some time now. 

This is all a mirage.

They are not real.

Being accustomed to all the niceties and celebrations, you know that these memories are soon fleeting. Your parents, despite seeming like the most “in love” people you know, still ended up divorcing each other years after having you. These kinds of dreamy atmospheres trick you into thinking that love lasts forever. Although the truth is, it does not. That’s why despite having plenty of opportunities to find “the one” on these occasions, you avoid having one at all. Countless men have tried to pursue the typical wedding hookup with you, but with this thought in mind, you never budge. 

You shake off your ruminations with a glass of champagne and offered a toast to the happy couple on the dance floor. As you take a sip, a fine young man across the room captures your attention. He seemed to have been staring at you for while now. The man is wearing a black velvet tux with a red corduroy tie, accessorized with white cuff links that compliment his silver watch. His hair is a shade of ash brown which greatly suited his golden complexion. He avoids eye contact right away, making him more guilty of the crime, and it prompted a smile across your face as you set the drink on the table. 

You did look extra well put together today, wearing a dusty rose-colored dress with a velvet navy ribbon that stretched around your waist. Adorned this ensemble is a French braid updo, silver jewelry, and cream-colored heels. It is no surprise to you to get hit on during these events, however, there is something about this man that piqued your interest. Sneaking a second glance, you try to take more advantage of his strong and angelic features. However, he stands up from his seat and slowly makes his way over in your direction. Chanting every prayer in the book, you secretly hope that he sums up the bravery to come by your table and make your night slightly interesting. 

And he did. 

“Is this seat taken?” The young fellow asked.

“No, go ahead.” You shyly replied. Upon closer look, you were able to see more of his facial features. His piercing eyes were a shade of dark brown, nose and cheeks carved by the gods, and lips tinted pink. With his stunning built, he could pass as a sculpture in an art museum.

“You know the couple?” He inquired.

“Yes, but not quite as much. How about you?”

“The groom is one of my closest friends, and I got to see how they fell in love from day one.” He gently spoke with a dazzling smile.

“I see.” You smiled fondly. He was a smooth talker, you thought, probably experienced in this game. He stretched his elbow on the table and leaned unto his hand, before letting out the words that you have heard in most of your flirting encounters.

“I must wonder, what is a lovely woman doing in a wedding without a date?” His eyebrows indicated curiosity. The man holds his gaze unto yours patiently waiting for a reply, and this sweet gesture sent chills down your spine.

“I did bring a date.” Gulping your sparkly drink before you answered truthfully. “But he just left me a couple of minutes ago with a guy he fancied the whole evening.” He lets out a slight chuckle. “Oddly enough, my date, a.k.a. my sister, also ditched me this evening. So, we’re even.” The gentle soul offers you a toast. You gave your best smile as a courtesy and clinked your beverage unto his. 

You watch as the translucent drink slowly fizzle out before uttering your sentiment to the curious fellow.

“I have a rule you see... I never hook up at weddings.” You admitted. This man seems to be wearing his heart on his sleeve, as you were certain his face showed genuine confusion and interest.

“Why is that so?” He asked. “With that beauty of yours, I’m sure you are bound to take someone home tonight.”  

Oh, he really is flirting.  

“You see,” You gazed upon the populated couples waltzing on the dance floor. “The moment we enter this sanctuary we wear wedding goggles. We see a mirage of what things could be. Well, the truth of the matter is, these romantic moments…” You take a pause.

 “…they are not real.” 

The change in your tone and expression seems to set the man back. It is the first time you’ve ever explained to someone your belief in these festivities. He doesn’t seem to be turned off by it, but rather his eyes showed understanding.

“Now… that is really something.” He looked at his lap seemingly careful to choose the right words for his next move.   “I do agree that the romantic atmosphere can get a hold of your feelings for a bit, but how about an instance where someone really piqued your interest? How would you propose a solution for that?” He then looks at you, with no faults in mind, straight to your core. Almost as if he were searching for a chance to be let into the gates you’ve put up across your heart. 

You cross your arms and try to think of it, but since there hasn’t been really a time where a guy has ever been curious enough to know you beyond the superficial, the solution seemed to never cross your mind. Something was different though because after looking at him the answer seemed to emerge.

“How about taking advantage of the romantic atmosphere?” You proposed. 

“A night of just enjoying other’s presence. Pure anonymity. That way the memory of that night is never tarnished.” This time you look him straight on. Never fazing for a second.

“One magical night. Then never meeting each other again?” He asked and you slowly nodded as a reply.

“The thing about wedding hookups is the morning after. They realize that they have just been caught in the moment. There are no more wedding goggles, and it all has been a lie.” You sharply remarked. You took a breath before continuing this game you’re proposing.

“But with this solution, we are never bound to anything. No names. No backgrounds. No morning after.”

“A memory of just…” You look at him in the eye. 

“Us.”  

He gazes at you with amazement in his eyes, and all you could wonder right now is: Why is he still listening not leaving after hearing such a ridiculous request? From the outside glance, it does sound like an absurd waste of time. Is he willing to take the chance?  

“That is quite an interesting proposal, my lady.” He gently takes your hand that was placed on the table, before uttering his answer.

“If I had the chance to spend any time, even just a couple hours with you… I would do it without hesitation.” He places a gentle kiss upon it, sealing the agreement. You quickly try to avert your eyes and blushed state, but you just know that this man… is a force to be reckoned with.  

You desperately try to deny how tempted you are right now to sweep this man of his feet; however, you know you are going to be in for a ride tonight.

“Do people tell you your cheesy? Because you absolutely are.” He chuckles at your remark. “I guess they do, but I just can’t help it even more with you. You seem like the type of person who secretly enjoys having sweets every once in a while.” He winks. You let out a big laugh because of how absurdly flirty this guy is. It would be lying if you said it wasn’t making your heart flutter a little. 

“Now that I think about it, we probably need a code name. I don’t want to just refer to you as that “charming guy I met at a wedding”.” The confident man’s weakness appeared through the slight blush in his cheeks when you mentioned the word charming. His sudden shy state is now forever embedded in your brain.

“Well, it seems like my moves have worked already.” He slowly leaned into his right arm.

“I guess you can call me…” There it goes again, that cunningly beautiful smile.

“Apollo.”

“God of sun… quite narcissistic don’t you think?” You replied.

“You could say that... or maybe I just love spending time in daylight and listening to music?” He crossed his arms in confidence. 

You close your eyes and lean back into the chair to think of your codename. The image of the daisy across the table was the first thing that popped into your head. Without giving any clues as to who you are, it seems to fit you just perfectly.

“I guess I’ll go with Daisy.”

He contemplates in thought. “It does sound like you. Untainted and innocent.” More than the remark, it shocked you more that he knows flower language.

“You got that from like minutes of our conversation? You don’t know me yet, Apollo.” You gave your sly smile, but he doesn’t seem fazed by you at all.

“So… how should we start this night of my dear Daisy?” He straightens his posture and starts readying himself for the night that is about to happen. You want to get off on the right foot, so you decide to test the waters with the man in front of you. Is he as brave as he seems to be?

“How about we get out of this reception hall and explore this gorgeous venue?” You slowly stand up and arrange your dress. You gave the man beside you an inviting grin. 

“The night is still young, Apollo.”

He offers his arm for support and leads you into the doors of the reception hall. 

If Johnny could compare his level of excitement to his fondest memory, it would be when his dad gave him his first set of cameras. He knew from the moment he received the camera; it would ultimately change the way he sees life. Later down the road, it ignited his love for photography, which subsequently landed him his job as the head photographer of Vogue Korea. 

Though being born and raised in Chicago, he fell in love with Korea when he took a company trip with his friends once. He ultimately stayed there for work and went back to the city occasionally to meet his parents. Taeyong, the groom, often accompanied him during his stays in Chicago, and coincidentally met the love of his life there. Right now, all he ever thought was 1) how happy he was to get some time away from work, 2) see one of his closest friends married (of course), and 3) be back home in Chicago even if it's just one night.

Johnny was not an amateur when it comes to love. He has been dating around, but none of them seem to stick. Taeyong definitely beat him to it, meeting his soulmate in Johnny’s own hometown. All the traveling for his work also seemed to dismantle any lasting relationship. The heart-tugging feelings were not new, but something about tonight and this woman… oh, this beautiful human, that got him head over heels. He didn’t want to make this menial interaction as important as it is, however, the connection he was feeling was unreal. He just didn’t want to let go of it. Or more like he can’t. No matter how hard he tried. 

The lovely woman who calls herself Daisy invites him to the carpeted floors of the venue. Her voice echoing the halls sparks a tingle inside his chest.

“Okay, Apollo. Are you ready to start this night?” You gave the biggest smile.

“Absolutely. What is our first mission?” Johnny rubs his palm together out of excitement.

“Let’s warm up first! How about…” You look around, seemingly making sure that not one soul would see the thing you were about to do.

“Let’s do a cartwheel! Up until that white door.” You enthusiastically suggest.

“Oh, you meant a literal warm-up! Damn, if I knew we would be working out I could’ve stretched.” Johnny then loosens up his tie and extends his arm for a stretch.

“You would be fine, Apollo. I mean look at me, I am definitely not dressed for the occasion.” You look down at your rose-colored dress. 

He jokingly put his right hand on his chest and his left hand in the air. “I promise I won’t think of anything indecent, Daisy.” 

“Thank you, or else this night will end in a police station.”

“Besides…” You add and slowly picked up the fabric of your dress.

“I’m wearing biker shorts, so there’s no room for the imagination.” You lift your dress confidently. Johnny can lie all he wants, but the slight blush across his cheeks shows how taken aback he is by the woman’s braveness. He coughs to regain his resolve. 

“I guess, ladies first?” You decide to do a quick side lunge before heading over to the other side of the room for a head start. You breathe in deeply before running and doing a gorgeous cartwheel. Once you felt near the end, you face Johnny and offer him the biggest smile. Little did you know that all that goes through this man’s head is how that smile of yours fills a part of him that has been missing. And so there it is again, the spark. 

“How was that?” You confidently ask.

“Quite underwhelming honestly.” Johnny lies to see your reaction.

“Well then, show me what you got Mr. Apollo.” You taunted. Johnny does the same thing but instead of getting that perfect landing, he stumbles for a bit. It’s probably the wine, he thought. Enduring the embarrassing thing he did just now, he turns to you and sees you laughing like there’s no tomorrow.

“I was not going to give excuses, but I think it’s the wine plus my height.” Johnny shyly scratches his head. 

“Oh no, that was just perfect.” You wipe the happy tears in your eyes while tapping him on the forearm. Seeing you laugh this much, Johnny thought the stumble was worth it.

“Okay! Let’s move on before I get swallowed by the earth.” He sighed. You give it much thought, but then you were reminded of one of the things that make this venue so special. “By any chance, do you know how to play the piano?” You ask.

“Yes. I played since I was a kid.” After hearing this, Johnny was confident that he would not fail this one.

“I know there’s a music hall here somewhere, maybe you can make up for that embarrassing fall.” You gave a cheeky grin. 

“You are not going to let that one go, are you?” Johnny groans. 

He puts his hand on his chin, in thought. “I think I stumbled upon that room earlier too, but Daisy…” He leans in closer amused by your now blushed state.

“With that, I am pretty sure I can capture your heart.” His heavenly smile strikes again.

Johnny then takes you by the hand before you could even process what the hell you just witness. 

The night perseveres and a sleek red velvet curtain welcomes you to the entrance of the music hall. A white piano sits at the corner of the room seated on top of a Victorian-style carpet. The walls were a shade of cream accented by wallpaper with gold flowers. The roof was adorned with a golden chandelier which perfectly takes in the moonlight across the window. The atmosphere couldn’t be even more magical. The man leads you towards the piano and gently repositions himself into the bench. 

“Any specific songs you have in mind, milady?” He asks while carefully placing his fingers into the white keys. A piece came into your mind right away. You suddenly dared to test the fates and see if this night was all too good to be true. Because right now, the jigsaw pieces seem to fit perfectly.

“Do you know Saties’ Gymnopedies No. 1 in D Major? It is one of my favorites.” You replied. He gave you soft smile before giving his answer.

“Seems like we have similar tastes. It is actually one of the first pieces I’ve learned.”

 Oh, the fates strike again.

Smiling to yourself, you shyly suggested a change of pace in this lovely evening. 

“I’ve learned a dance to this piece. Would you like to see it?” You glanced up to meet his brown eyes.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” At the slow counts of melody, you both played to your heart's content. He was providing the scenic accompaniment, and you performed the classical dance routine you learned back in college. You admit that the moves are still rough at the edges, but you made sure that every melody is met with grace and delicateness in honor of the classical piece. You were glancing at him from time to time and he gave you such gentle smiles of reassurance. From the stretch of your arms and legs to the flow of your curves, you danced along with his fingers.  

Johnny is trying his best to concentrate on playing, but he couldn’t help but fawn over the angel dancing in his presence. He admired the elegant movements you are exhibiting that accompanied his playing. The moonlight gently struck you in places that emphasized the curvatures of your body. 

To him, you were glowing effortlessly. 

He swore time slowed down then and there because he could see everything of you despite knowing you for so little.

As the piece slowly come to an end, you came to sit beside the young man and placed your head gently on his right shoulder. This was your way of showing gratitude to the man who serenaded you. Sinking slowly into every note and you are embracing the soul being poured out in this very moment. With the last note, you lifted your head to closely meeting Johnny’s sultry eyes. 

“You know the best part of a kiss?” You mentioned giving his lips a look.

“What is it?” He replies by doing the same.

“It’s the moment before the kiss. The lead-up. The drum roll.” There must be something in that room that worked up your courage. You slowly moved closer to his face initiating the move.

“But is that unfair? This night needs to be sealed.” He gazes at you lovingly.

“Apollo…” Now closer to his lips you softly breathe. 

“If we kiss, it all becomes real.” 

You could stare at him without all the care in the world. Oh, how wonderful it truly would be to steal his lips right now being centimeters away from it. However, you know the rule. This only needs to be remembered by tonight. So, you satisfy yourself with that for now, the lead-up before the kiss. With breaths exchanged, closeness without boundaries, he took your hand and held it with reassurance. 

His eyes replied for you, and they are saying this is more than enough.

Johnny knew that this night is coming to its end, so he decided to take you to the fountain outside the venue. During the day, the flower garden was more visible, however, the nightly atmosphere gave it more mystery and glamor. The leaves glistened from the night light and the waters reflected the dark effervescent skies. He held both of your hands and proposed an ending for your magical night.

“Would you like to dance with me under this moonlight, Daisy?” He offers a hand, looking like one of those princes in royal movies.

“It would be an honor, Apollo.” You courteously replied feeling like you were a princess in this film.

He pulled you closer as you waltz into your beat. Faint music from the wedding hall can be heard, however, you were swaying to the rhythm of your hearts. You leaned your head against his right chest, and he placed his chin atop of it. He continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ear just to see your reaction, but after some time you pulled yourself from his embrace and look him in the eye. His eyes spoke sadness, and you knew goodbyes were the worst. 

Despite that, parting from him seem to be harder than most.

“There’s a flaw in our game, Daisy.” He mentions while gently tracing circles at your hand. You looked at him curiously.

“I’m going to be the only one who has a memory of you leaving this place, and never seeing you again.” You replied with eyes filled with longingness and sincerity.

“I had an amazing night, Apollo.” You looked down on his hand holding unto yours before exchanged yearning gazes with him.

“I will never forget this moment, I spent with you. I hope you do cherish it as well, as for the first time in a while, I felt… alive.” You replied with the most genuine smile you could offer tonight.

“I’ll never forget you, Daisy. I don’t think I could even if I tried.” He placed a gentle hand on your cheek, and you slowly leaned into it, hopefully remembering every second of it. He moved closer inching to where your lips are, closely yet never touching.  

What a fool you’ve made yourself.

You don’t want to break hearts, but why is yours breaking?  

“One last favor… can you close your eyes for me and count to 10?”

He knows what is about to happen but does it anyway. You are left with the image of this man, underneath the moonlight, whom you will never see again. Not knowing who he is or what he does but knowing that the time you shared that one night in Chicago will be untainted forever. Slowly, you walked away gratefully knowing that the time you shared was worth remembering forever.

He was incandescent. 

Strikingly bright, radiant, and clear.

Truly marked by brilliance. 

Johnny opened his eyes to reality, an empty soul, and bright moonlight. He never got to see you leave, and the gravity of your loss was emphasized even more. He felt like a part of him was lost. Just when everything made sense, like a perfect piece in his jigsaw of life, now he is left to wonder if he made the right decision. One thing’s for sure, the night was as perfect and magical as it would be. 

 And for that, he was thankful. 

[holdinbacksecrets]

gardening

a shower. as soon as you wake up you’re ready for a shower: a clean start. water running down, across, over your naked skin. its heat opening your pores, relieving stresses, giving yourself a moment to breathe because lately you’ve felt wrapped up in heaviness.

living alone is an interesting thing. the space is all your own. you know yourself better than you ever have, and the independence is proof of all your capabilities. 

living alone is an interesting thing. it sticks to the loneliness. it highlights the negative feelings until the space feels consumed: entirely you. it becomes impossible to hide from your emotions. they greet you in the reflecting mirror. they scream for your attention when the oven timer rings over and over again. time to eat, remember?

living alone is an interesting thing. most of the time, you love it. it’s so easy to breathe and be and exist. it’s glorious to dance around your room in your underwear and play the new podcast too loud. hang the artwork your parents didn’t understand. open all the windows in the morning to hear the birds singing. you’ll happily listen.

it’s obvious you live alone by the way you react when people visit: friends, your boyfriend. it’s special to open your space: the extension of yourself, to people who are gracious to see even more of you. 

sometimes it’s too much. 

it’s obvious you live alone by the way you react to an unexpected visitor. 

when you’ve spent the evening crying from frustration, from pain, from fear, and convincing yourself it’s ok. 

what a lie. 

even when you’re a fragmented version of yourself, you still try to lie. 

and it’s the way he sees through it all immediately. 

“i haven’t heard from you all day, and i didn’t want to impose, but here you are and...oh sweetheart”

it’s the sweetheart that does it for you 

and the way his brows furrow. 

his honey eyes melting into pools of concern and worry and wanting to make it all better

because he loves you so fucking much 

and it breaks your heart that you can’t say all the things filling your mind 

because he wants to be here for you in the ways you always show up for him. 

but this garden you’ve created...it’s an interesting thing, and to him, incredibly beautiful. but sometimes, sometimes you’re so good at focusing on what’s dying, withering, thirsty, while he sees all the blooming, blossoming, trying, growing. 

he sees you trying all alone, but if you let him in, you’ll find some light. he’ll water your roots. he’ll help you through.

he holds you against his chest. pay attention to his heart beat. 

he feels relieved when you fall into him and allow him to take all your weight just like he’s been asking you to do. 

“being sick is so hard, and i don’t want it to be too much. it’s not pretty. it’s not funny. it’s not sexy. it’s not the me you fell in love with.”

you just want to be the best version of yourself with him: a yellow daisy under sun shine. 

he smooths your hair and presses his lips against your forehead. the support is stronger than the pillars holding up the walls in your home. this support is held together by care and love and wanting. 

“but i know. i know what’s going on. i know that you’re struggling, and i don’t have any expectations. seeing you cry doesn’t make me want to turn around and go home. it makes me want to stay and use the extra pillow on your bed. it guides me to the library to check out books, so i can learn more. i want to make you breakfast in the morning. i’ll fold your laundry while we watch those cooking shows you love. let me cater to you. i promise, i want to.”

the rain. the sun. the cold. your tears. your smile. the painful healing. you don’t have to keep it a secret or keep it quiet, not with me. 

a gardener for your garden 

let him in 

let him see what’s broken 

let him hold you up 

wrap your stem around the support, and the guiding hand; the promises of reliance. 

living alone is an interesting thing. something that isn’t always meant to last forever.

“ok, the pillow is yours.”