#john seed/mary jane

[jackiestarsister]

Thoughts while rereading Jane Eyre

I first read Jane Eyre in its entirety when I was in high school, and it has remained one of my all-time favorite books! After reading the Manga Classics adaptation and seeing both the old and new editions of the stage musical, I finally reread it, or rather listened to the audiobook.

These were my thoughts on this reading (with spoilers):

~ Jane’s autobiography begins with the line, “There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.” I take this to mean that if she had taken a walk that day, none of the following events would have happened! John Reed would not have attacked her at that time and place, leading to her traumatic punishment, her meeting with Mr. Lloyd, and going to Lowood Institution.

~ Charlotte Bronte vividly shows the intensity of children’s emotions. I don’t think that was common in British literature at the time!

~ Jane enters and leaves the lives of the Reeds, the Thornfield residents, and the Rivers siblings in very Gothic fashions! I can imagine parts of the story being told from other characters’ perspectives to great dramatic effect.

~ Knowing the whole story, there are many seeds of foreshadowing to be found throughout the story! Great setup and payoff.

~ Jane says about Helen’s grave, “for fifteen years after her death it was only covered by a grassy mound; but now a grey marble tablet marks the spot.” Jane must have gone back to Lowood when she was about 25, and paid for a fitting monument for her first and life-changing friend!

~ Pilot seems almost like a Disney hero’s sidekick, urging the two love interests to meet each other!

~ Mr. Rochester seems to judge Jane’s character partly by observing how she treats Pilot and Adele, and the contrast against Blanche Ingram’s treatment of them!

~ If Eliza and Georgiana are supposed to represent the extremes of unfeelingness and too effusive feelings, are they basically Eleanor and Marianne Dashwood? I know Charlotte Bronte disliked Pride and Prejudice; maybe she was pushing back against Austen’s other characters too?

~ Rochester actually calls Jane the “adopted daughter” of Mrs. Fairfax and “little English mother” of Adele! I wish this familial dynamic had been brought out more.

~ The impulsive way Jane flees from Thornfield reminds me that she is still a teenager! She does not think of the fact that she has an uncle who wants to give her an inheritance, or of the solicitor’s advice to stay put until she hears news of him. She does not seek help from Mrs. Fairfax or the Leavens family to find a new situation. She might have spared herself a lot of suffering if she had formed a better plan for finding a new home and had her mail forwarded there!

~ St. John, Diana, and Mary Rivers are like a reversed reflection of John, Eliza, and Georgiana Reed—both sets of cousins, but completely opposite dynamics with Jane.

~ Jane’s relationship with St. John Rivers is waaaay more toxic than her relationship with Edward Rochester. Jane can stand her ground with Rochester, who would never force her to do anything she decidedly did not want; but she feels compelled to do whatever St. John tells her, and he urges her to do things against her own desires.

~ Rochester literally loses his eye and hand, just like Jesus says about temptation in Matthew 18:8-9!

~ Jane and Rochester’s relationship is bookended by scenes of her supporting him as he walks!

~ Were the parson and clerk who officiated Jane and Rochester’s marriage the same ones who were at the interrupted wedding?! Unless there was a change in position during the year of separation, they probably were the same ones!

~ My headcanon is that all the Thornfield servants placed bets on how long it would take Jane and Rochester to work things out. This is supported by the innkeeper’s account of how the servants observed Jane and Rochester, and John and Mary’s reactions after they finally get married!

[annoyingpeaceblizzard]

The doctors wife (part 1)

Mary and John live in a small House in the woods. John is twentyfive years old and a Doktor famous for his knowleg and got the chance to live in this House to write a book for a Universität for a year or longer, he has broad sholders and is well equipt with muscels . Jane is nineteen and a stay at home wife , she never went to school, she stayed at home to help her mother with her twenty siblings she is a petiti and slender Woman . In Marys family their is a special gene. The gene causes the Woman to be super fertiell and make the pregnancy belly progress rapidly from month one to month nine in nine hourse and after that the pregnancy only lastes 3 month so the brain can devolop of the baby.

Because of that Janes mother was pregnant, pregnant or on bed Rest or giving birth. And after six weeks of rest Janes dad knocked her up again. What Jane did not know was that Johns family has the gene to have huge babys, John did not tell her that. Because he grew up as an only child , and he wants as many children as humanly possible with Jane.

They met when John worked for the local doktor in Janes village , after Jane was already eight teen for six months . They fell in love and married after Jane turned 19 and John got that promotion. They moved in that house right after the Wedding ceremony. Because John prepade the house when they decided to get married after three months and married three months later.

The Moment they were alone John told Jane to get naked and helped her out of her dress and to his pants of. He startet to play with her clit and Jane ground and got wet and John smiled and startet to Insert his hard cock in her pussy . He got aroused and told Jane with a firm voice

"I am gone knocke you and tonight , take my seed and give birth to my child " . He trusted his hip while holding hers in place in her cervix , until Jane came and then John himself . Then he put a pillow under Janes hip and told her not to move for 20 minutes and then she could go to sleep .

The next morning Jane woke up to lying on her side and a huge pregnancy belly . The belly is heavy and tight and pinnes her to the bed. After an ordeal to get to an up right position with her leges apart to make space for the bump she calls for John and is shocked at the size and weight of her ripe belly , all she can think is how will she move her body in the next 12 weeks ? When John walks in the room he smiles from ear to ear . Jane is not smiling she knew pregnancy is tought in her family but that size of a belly is even overwhelming for her family. She wants to cook and clean and take care of her husband not be pinned to the bed by the weight of her pregnancy belly. She wants children but being able to move during the pregnancy was not her vision. John moved behind her and went over the taut skin gently in circels with his hands. And stroks with both hands over her taut and streched and says to her "you are so wonderful i cant wait for our Baby to arrive ".Now Jane is not worried anymore she will give birth to that child or children and then she will take care of the house and garden. All what she can think now is how tired she is and exhaustet, she sinks in to John arms.

John is overjoyed with the sight in his bedroom just how he imagined it : big, heavy, streched taut, strained and pinnied  her to the bed.

After the nap Jane is realising the situation she is bed bound to the bed and their is nothing she can do about it. And she is happy that she is pregnant and will be a mother , all she ever did was taking care of Children . Soon it will be her own children and home to take care of , her dream will come true. The being bed bound is the price she is willing to pay.

Four hours later John checked her swollen middel and decaleres that she is pregnant with twins . But that is a lie only he knows that Jane is severly pregnant with one huge baby , what will be a agonising task to birth.

The first pregnancy month is plagued by nausa and hardly eating due to the nausea. Jane is mostly lying down on her side because of the  exhaustion and thowing up in the Bowles John brought her. Jane was dependent on John for every daily task. On the other hand her mental health she fell's her "babys" all the time, odly only one baby at the time ? But that surely means nothing. And when the babys move in her belly it hurts. Especially when she walks a ten meters for execise .

John is delightet by Janes sex drive and constantly wet crotch and fucks her as much possible in his breaks from work. After that Jane falls assleep cum leaking from her pussy.

In the second pregnancy month the nausea wears of a bit and sometimes she is now able to sit up in bed to watch TV or Listen to Music . The Belly gets heavier and heavier. And the pressure is getting more and more on her pelvis and her back is aching . John is always their for her, to rub her swollen feet and massage her taut and streched belly and massage her aching lower back.Once a day John forces Jane to walk 10 meterns and after five her legs shake under the sheir weight of her pregnancy belly.

The movements in her swollen middle are so often day and night she can hardly sleep. Over the month her eyes have developed big black circels and the skin grows pale. Never in her live as she been so tired and exhaustet. Jane complaines of her discomfort but John claims their is nothing that helps? But she has to trust John she can not read about pregnancy in the many books from John.

And John ? John has no complains he can not keep his hands of his Wife and her gravid middle , every chance he gets he fucks and her bump helps him climax. Every time John trusted in Janes cervix he also presses his hands into the taut belly so he can feel the baby moving.

The last four weeks are filled with a insanly pressure on her pelvis and an aching back. She is still a petite and slender woman and at least her hips get wide , the belly is the most heavy and biggest part of her body. The belly is so streched that the skin feels like bursting any minutet and Jane moarns every time John stroks the pregnant belly out of a mixture of pain and pleassure. On top of that Jane feels more like a baby maschine than a pregnant woman so overwhelming is the feeling of being streched heavy over the last zwelve weeks. And walking is not possible anymore , after fainting of exhaustion after walking two minutes .

Now her legs always feel a bit weird like the circulation is not working propely . But John says that this normal and to stop to think about it , so Jane does that, after all he is a doktor. Sadly the sleeping is not getting better only more complicated. Still it makes her happy when John tells her she is doing a good job keeping the babys safe in her womb. She can not wait to birth to children a cuddel them in her arm , for that she will endure being so heavy, streched taut and big.

John decided that Jane has to labor and birth while laying on her side. As laying on her back would put to much pressure on her lungs , and siting or sqarting would take to much strenge to make it more than one hour. And standing was last possible two months ago.

Will John tell her that she is expecting one huge baby not two normal ones ?

[jup1ter-moon]

hello tumblr here is a list of where me and my girlfriend think magnus archives characters would grocery shop (with notes from my dear mother) jonathon sims - doesn't shop (sometimes goes to waitrose specifically for the sourdough rolls) martin - mainly aldi but loves a tesco meal deal sasha - lidl tim - boots or sainsburys gertrude - waitrose elias - refuses to shop and makes peter do it peter - iceland or sometimes heron foods (hate sainsburys because his mum would take him shopping with her as a child) michael shelly - asda gerry - co-op jared hopworth - farm foods (also, he would buy condensed milk in a tin from a corner shop and drink it while walking around. based on some horrors i witnessed from my friends boyfriend) georgie - asda melanie - co-op but she doesn't go shopping without georgie because she ends up getting into fights (she's banned from one stop) daisy - matalan food hall (or just stealing animals directly from farmers fields) basira - heron foods helen richardson - waitrose simon fairchild - costco, specifically the hot dogs mike crew - tesco express jude perry - greggs (she likes putting her hands in the shelves with the hot to go food. once brought agnes there for a date but agnes wanted to sit outside in the wind and so they went home.) oliver banks - sainsburys annabelle cane - costa coffee. for all groceries rosie - co-op (because she has short lunch breaks) or lidl ("when she finally escapes" according to my girlfriend) not!sasha - farm food but she only buys seeds and eats them in store mary - waitrose. she used to shop at asda but thought she was too high class for their self service jurgen leitner - tescos (specifically for the wine) or sometimes greggs if he's feeling brave jane prentiss - co-op or boots (my mum staunchly disagrees with this and i dont know why) john amherst - tesco but only the grimy ones

[androgynealienfemme]

"In that decade of butchness diluted and femme reviled, I had two lovers. Well, more than two, but only two who deserved Lover as a title the way Radclyffe Hall called Una Troubridge Wife and Una called Radclyffe (whom she knew as "John") Husband. There were not then and are not now enough words to name what we wanted to do differently, or wanted to do the old fashion way, but queerly, with each other, like John and Una. We were lovers, not wives or husbands, living yet-unnamed relationships that had not fully evolved (though we tried so hard to speed the mired-down process of that evolution).

One lover was a butchette; who can I describe this? A femmey butch, I guess. Remember we didn't talk this way then. Even reading Mary Daly together did not get in the way of our sex life. She was the most opinionated and assertive woman I've ever known, and though she did not fill out her clothes and went shopping the instant the Uniform lost its hegemony, she could lay me on my back more swiftly and skillfully than any woman has since. Though the seeds of my femme sexuality may have lain in abortive Tarzan and Jane scenes, it did not begin to blossom until our games of Sultana and captured princess. My lover oversaw that flowering: My own womanness had frightened me until the night we did Quaaludes, and I arched back off the bed dizzy with the drug and a kind of power I had never relaxed into before, and purred: "I feel like Marilyn Monroe."

To which she replied, hands full of me, "You are Marilyn Monroe."

A truly androgynous dyke could not have said such a thing.

She had committed quite a breach of lesbian-feminist etiquette (as obviously, had I). Marilyn Monroe was a faggot's heroine, not a dyke's. We were not supposed to swoon over or identify with a woman whose femininity was her appeal and then her downfall, though Judy Grahn had already reappropriated Marilyn's thigh bone (by way of a poem) to bash in her enemies' heads: Hubba. Hubba. Hubba. (We didn't know that Grahn, as a butch, was thus privy to a more intimate vision of Marilyn than any self-respecting dyke was supposed to have in those years before it came out that Marilyn had spend the early '50s getting her pussy licked by Lili St. Cyr.)

In celebrating my choice of Marilyn Monroe as spirit guide, my lover allowed my uncomfortable post-girly androgyny to cook away in the crucible of her arms, and to let me reconstitute as a femme woman. It was a very butch thing to do. And it was very brave because she was telling me I had her blessing in stepping off the path of political correctness; she was telling me that the wet truths of sex had our allegiance more fully, more instinctively than the dry truths of lesbian feminism.

I love butch women because no one else would ever have reached into that flannel-clad bundle of inarticulate erotic yearning with a mirror that reflected a sex goddess. I love butch women because no one is quite so deeply affected by femme: I felt my sexual effect for the first time, and grew and grew like Alice in Wonderland drinking her magic potion. I love butch women because it was butch sexual response that gave me my body."

-"Dagger: On Butch Women (Why I Love Butch Women)" by Carol A. Queen, On Butch and Femme: Compiled Readings (I.M. Epstein) (2017)

[companion-showdown]

Showdown 2k24: Round 2

Everyone has been split into groups of 16 roughly by how well known they are and seeded within those groups to determin matches. There will be 16 polls posted every day (so two of the groups) except Friday. At the end of the round groups will be paired up and re-seeded ready for next time

the submission form for contestant propaganda is still open, you can find it here.

ROUND 1

Day 4

Mary Shelley vs Ikalla

Claudia Winkleman vs Cinder

Hector vs Sibling Different

Ruth Leonidas vs Susan Who

Alan Turing vs Peter Summerfield

John Lennon vs Dorothy (The Wonderful Doctor of Oz)

Tom Campbell vs Barusa

Peter Cushing vs Alison Cheney

Brian the Ood vs Penelope Gate

Hattie Munroe vs Gabby Gonzalez

Splinx vs Grayla

V.M.McCrimmon vs Patience

Andy Davidson vs Dormouse

The Squire vs Weeping Angel (Origins)

Cindy Wu vs Guinevere Winchester

Child Master (The Then and the Now) vs Koschei

previous and future days under the cut

Day 1

Jamie McCrimmon vs Sergeant Benton WINNER: Jamie McCrimmon

Vicki Pallister vs Zoe Heriot WINNER: Zoe Heriot

Barbara Wright vs Steven Taylor WINNER: Barbara Wright

Victoria Waterfield vs Sarah-Jane Smith WINNER: Sarah-Jane Smith

Jo Grant vs The Brigadier WINNER: Jo Grant

Ian Chesterton vs Leela WINNER: Leela

Liz Shaw vs Polly Wright WINNER: Liz Shaw

Dodo Chaplet vs Susan Foreman WINNER: Susan Foreman

Charley Pollard vs Mark Seven WINNER: Charley Pollard

Cass Fermazzi vs Molly O'Sullivan WINNER: Molly O'Sullivan

Oliver Harper vs Liv Chenka WINNER: Liv Chenka

C'rizz vs Lucie Miller WINNER: Lucie Miller

Iris Wildthyme vs Anya Kingdom WINNER: Iris Wildthyme

Erimem vs Bliss WINNER: Bliss

Hex Schofield vs Helen Sinclair WINNER: Helen Sinclair

Tania Bell vs Evelyn Smythe WINNER: Evelyn Smythe

Day 2

Bill Potts vs Nardole WINNER: Bill Potts

The TARDIS vs River Song WINNER: The TARDIS

Wilfred Mott vs Jack Harkness WINNER: Wilfred Mott

Amy Pond vs Martha Jones WINNER: Martha Jones

Clara Oswald vs Rory Williams WINNER: Clara Oswald

Ruby Sunday vs Rose Noble WINNER: Rose Noble

Kate Stewart vs Canton Everette Deleware III WINNER: Kate Stewart

Missy vs Donna Noble WINNER: Donna Noble

Bernice Summerfield vs Marie (Alien Bodies) WINNER: Bernice Summerfield

Chris Cwej vs Business Woman WINNER: Chris Cwej

Roz Forrester vs The Mortimer family WINNER: Roz Forrester

Rosie Taylor vs Compassion WINNER: Compassion

Fitz Kreiner vs Serena WINNER: Fitz Kreiner

Badger vs Wolsey WINNER: Wolsey

Sam Jones vs Claudia Marwood WINNER: Sam Jones

Homunculette vs Anji Kapoor WINNER: Anji Kapoor

Day 3

Ace McShane vs Mags WINNER: Ace McShane

Romana I vs Nyssa WINNER: Nyssa

Romana II vs Ryan Sinclair WINNER: Romana II

Graham O'Brien vs Mel Bush WINNER: Mel Bush

Vislor Turlough vs K9 WINNER: K9

Chang Lee vs Tegan Jovanka WINNER: Tegan Jovanka

Inston-Vee Vinder vs Grace Holloway WINNER: Inston-Vee Vinder

Peri Brown vs Yasmin Khan WINNER: Yasmin Khan

Frobisher vs ARC WINNER: Frobisher

Duh vs Josie Day WINNER: Josie Day

Ssard vs Chantir WINNER: Ssard

Gus Goodman vs Izzy Sinclair WINNER: Izzy Sinclair

Rose-the-cat vs Abslom Daak WINNER: Rose-the-cat

Majenta Pryce vs Maxwell Edison WINNER: Majenta Pryce

Kroton vs Ly-Chee the Wise WINNER: Kroton

Fey Truscott-Sade vs Destrii WINNER: Destrii

[john-bracket]

Significant Jother Prelims!

The prelims for Jacket 4 will come in two waves after the winner’s bonus poll ends on Sunday, so get your votes in there.

First, there will be the prelims to decide between love interests for Johns/Jacks/Variants who had multiple submitted. There are eight of those matches, and they will be released throughout the day on Monday, July 10.

Then, there will be the prelims to decide which single nomination significant jothers will make the bracket. If a nomination was submitted multiple times as the only love interest, they are already in. There are 11 polls of four significant jothers, and the winner of each will make the bracket. Prelims were seeded by submission order, and those polls will be released throughout the day on Wednesday, July 12.

Match-ups below the cut!

Monday Match-ups: Who shall win the jand?

Prelim #1: Martin Blackwood (11) vs Georgie Barker (1) for Jonathan “Jon” Sims (The Magnus Archives)

Prelim #2: Jason Mendoza (5) vs Derek (1) for Janet (The Good Place)

Prelim #3: Mercymorn (2) vs Alecto (1) vs Augustine (1) vs Mercymorn + Augustine (0 but throuple rights) for John Gaius (The Locked Tomb)

Prelim #4: Zatanna Zatara (2) vs King Shark (2) for John Constantine (DC)

Prelim #5: Nisha Kadam (2) vs Moxxi (1) for Handsome Jack (Borderlands)

Prelim #6: Brad Majors (2) vs Frank-N-Furter (1) for Janet Weiss (Rocky Horror Picture Show)

Prelim #7: Shayera Hol (1) vs Mari McCabe (1) for John Stewart (DC)

Prelim #8: Rafael Solano (1) vs Michael Cordero (1) for Jane Villanueva (Jane the Virgin)

Wednesday Match-ups: I don’t have a funny name

Prelim A: Phryne Fisher for Jack Robinson (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries) vs Kitty for Johnny Thirteen (Danny Phantom) vs Marguerite Baker for Jack Baker (Resident Evil) vs James “Jamey” Emerson Fletcher for Mary “Jacky” “Bloody Jack” Faber (Bloody Jack)

Prelim B: Naomi Herne for Evan Lukas (The Magnus Archives) vs Pete Tyler for Jackie Tyler (Doctor Who) vs Agnes Montague for Jack Barnabas (The Magnus Archives) vs Eric Bittle for Jack Zimmermann (Check, Please!)

Prelim C: Anna Bates for John Bates (Downton Abbey) vs Rose DeWitt for Jack Dawson (Titanic) vs Wendy Torrance for Jack Torrance (The Shining) vs Samatha Carter for Jack O’Neill (Stargate SG-1)

Prelim D: Joan of Arc for JFK (Clone High) vs JFK for Joan of Arc (Clone High) vs Elvira for Don Juan (Moliere) vs Pocahontas for John Smith (Pocahontas)

Prelim E: Penta Roujeat for Jack Wright (Namesake) vs Jethro Bodine for Jane Hathaway (Beverly Hillbillies) vs George Jetson for Jane Jetson (The Jetsons) vs Peter Parker for Mary-Jane Watson Parker (Marvel)

Prelim F: Thor for Jane Foster (Marvel) vs David Read for Jane Read (Arthur) vs Marla Singer for Jack/The Narrator (Fight Club) vs Sophie Aubrey for Jack Aubrey (Master and Commander)

Prelim G: Jay Nakamura for Jon Kent (DC) vs Satinder Hall for Ivo Keys (Shaderunners) vs Edward Rochester for Jane Eyre (Jane Eyre) vs Co Bao for John Rambo (Rambo)

Prelim H: Rosemary for Jack/Raider (Metal Gear Solid) vs Vriska Sekret for John Egbert (Homestuck) vs Maddie Fenton for Jack Fenton (Danny Phantom) vs Minnina for Jonathan Ratker (Dracula Starring Mickey Mouse)

Prelim I: Clary Fairchild for Jonathan Christopher “Jace” Herondale (The Mortal Instruments) vs Marisol Garza for Jonathan “Jon” Cartwright (The Shadowhunter Chronicles) vs Jo Lupo for Zane Donovan (Eureka) vs Robert Martin for Janet van de Graff (The Drowsy Chaperone)

Prelim J: Rebecca St. Claire for Jack Secord (Warehouse 13) vs David for Giovanni (Giovanni’s Room) vs Lucy Moderatz for Jack Pullman (While You Were Sleeping) vs Petra Solano for Jane “JR” Ramos (Jane the Virgin)

Prelim K: Scott Summers for Jean Gray (Marvel) vs Hessa for John the Baptist (The Wife of John the Baptist) vs Helen Wick for John Wick (John Wick) vs Patrick Bateman for Jean (American Psycho: The Musical)

[torchwood-rarepair-royale]

Second Bracket

You thought I was joking about multiple brackets, didn’t ya? (My beloved edit maker @horselover107 sure wishes I was, but she has been cursed for her hubris of submitting... so many of these <3.) 

This bracket and all the rest consist of ships that I only received one nomination for (with the exception of Martha/Nine and Tyler/Hasan, who lost the prelims to make the first bracket, but will get a chance at redemption here. The seed order is decided by submitted order, so if you don’t see your ship here, don’t worry... it’s somewhere :3

The left side bouts will run on Monday, April 17th, starting at 9am CST, and dropping one every hour on the hour. The right side bouts will run on Wednesday, April 19th, same hours.

Match-ups below the cut:

Bout 1L: Martha Jones/Nine vs Gwen Cooper/Jack Harkness/Owen Harper/Ianto Jones/Toshiko Sato/Rhys Williams

Bout 2L: Donna Noble/Toshiko Sato vs Esther Drummond/Jack Harkness

Bout 3L: Jack Harkness/Clara Oswald vs Toshiko Sato/Orr

Bout 4L: Gwen Cooper/John Hart/Toshiko Sato vs Jack Harkness/Rex Matheson

Bout 5L: Jack Harkness/Martha Jones vs Suzie Costello/Ace McShane

Bout 6L: Johnny Davies/John Hart/Johnathan Penn vs Ianto Jones/Kathy Swanson

Bout 7L: Alice Carter/Sarah Jane Smith vs Suzie Costello/Rose Tyler

Bout 8L: Esther Drummond/Lois Habiba vs Ianto Jones/Rex Matheson

Bout 1R: Gwen Cooper/Suzie Costello/Toshiko Sato vs Jack Harkness/Carla/Persis

Bout 2R: Jack Harkness/River Song vs Alonso Frame/Ianto Jones

Bout 3R: Owen Harper/Ianto Jones/Toshiko Sato vs Jack Harkness/Javic Thane

Bout 4R: Gwen Cooper/Kathy Swanson vs Gwen Cooper/Mary

Bout 5R: Gwen Cooper/Syriath vs Suzie Costello/Owen Harper

Bout 6R: Owen Harper/Martha Jones vs Ianto Jones/Martha Jones

Bout 7R: Gwen Cooper/Esther Drummond vs Gwen Cooper/Toshiko Sato/Rhys Williams

Bout 8R: Norton Folgate/Jack Harkness vs Tyler Steele/Hasan

[thehodgepodgearchive]

READING LIST: Children's Books

Green: Currently Reading

Pink: LOVED IT!

Orange: Liked It

Strikethrough: DNF/Not For Me

A Boy Called Slow by Joseph Bruchac

A Carp for Kimiko by Virginia Kroll

A Day with Wilbur Robinson by William Joyce

A Pack of Lies by Geraldine McCaughrean

A Starlit Somersault Downhill by Nancy Willard

All Aboard Trains by Mary Harding

Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman

Annabelle Swift, Kindergartner by Amy Schwartz

Anno's Magic Seeds by Mitsumasa Anno

Aunt Harriet's Underground Railroad in the Sky by Faith Ringgold

Back Home by Gloria Jean Pinkney

Bad Day at Riverbend by Chris Van Allsburg

The Bamboo Flute by Garry Disher

Baseball Saved Us by Ken Machizuki

Belinda by Pamela Allen

Berlioz the Bear by Jan Brett

Big Al by Andrew Clements

Bill's New Frock by Anne Fine

Black and White by Tana Hoban

Black Like Kyra, White Like Me by Judith Vigna

Blue and The Gray by Eve Bunting

The Boggart by Susan Cooper

Boo to a Goose by Mem Fox

Boomer Goes to School by Constance McGeorge

The Bracelet by Yoshiko Uchida

The Call of the Wolves by Jim Murphy

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr. 

Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes

Clippity-Clop by Pamela Allen

Dandelions by Eve Bunting

Dinosaur Bob and His Adventures with The Family Lazardo by William Joyce

Dinosaur Roar! by Paula and Henrietta Strickland

Dogs Don't Wear Sneakers by Laura Numeroff

The Dot by Peter H. Reynolds

Drylongso by Virginia Hamilton

Eleanor by Barbara Cooney

The Empty Pot by Demi

Feel the Wind by Arthur Dorros

Fly Away Home by Eve Bunting

Free Fall by David Wiesner

Frogs by Gail Gibbons

From Seed to Plant by Gail Gibbons

Gentle Willow by Joyce C. Mills

George Shrinks by William Joyce

Going West by Jean Van Leeuwen

Good Queen Bess by Diane Stanley

Grandfather's Journey by Allen Say

The Great Elephant Chase by Gillian Cross

Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney

Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie

Heather Has Two Mommies by Lesleá Newman

The Honey Makers by Gail Gibbons

Horace by Holly Keller

How Night Came From the Sea by Mary-Joan Gerson

I Can Hear the Sun by Patricia Polacco

I Love My Daddy Because... by Laurel Porter-Gaylord

If You Made a Million by David M. Schwartz

In for Winter, Out for Spring by Arnold Adoff

It Could Always Be Worse by Margot Zemach

Island Boy by Barbara Cooney

John Henry by Julius Lester

The Keeping Quilt by Patricia Polacco

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

Koala Lou by Mem Fox

Leonardo da Vinci by Diane Stanley

Let the Celebrations Begin! by Margaret Wild

Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes

Magic Beach by Alison Lester

Mama, Do You Love Me? by Barbara M Joosse

The Man Who Kept His Heart in a Bucket by Sonia Levitin

Martha Speaks by Susan Meddaugh

Matilda by Roald Dahl

The Matzah that Papa Brought Home by Fran Manushkin

Max's Chocolate Chicken by Rosemary Wells

Max's Dragon Shirt by Rosemary Wells

Merlin and the Dragons by Jane Yolen

Minerva Louise by Janet Morgan Stoeke

Minty: A Story of Young Harriet Tubman by Alan Schroeder

Mirandy and Brother Wind by Patricia C. McKissack

The Mitten Tree by Candace Christiansen

Mrs/ Katz and Tush by Patricia Polacco

My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My Toes by Pro Familia

My Very First Mother Goose by Iona Opie

The Mysteries of Harris Burdick by Chris Van Allsburg

New Shoes for Sylvia by Johanna Hurwitz

Nothing but the Truth by Avi

Officer Buckle and Gloria by Peggy Rathmann

Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss

The Old Woman Who Named Things by Cynthia Rylant

Oliver's Vegetables by Vivian French

One Hundred Angry Ants by Elinor J. Pinzes

Owl Babies by Martin Waddell

Pit Pony by Joyce Barkhouse

The Planets by Gail Gibbons

Rabbit Makes a Monkey of Lion by Verna Aardema

The Rainbabies by Laura Krauss Melmed

The Rainbow Fish by Marcus

Rechenka's Eggs by Patricia Polacco

Reuben and the Fire by Merle Good

The Rough-Face Girl by Rage Martin

Roxaboxen by Alice McLerran

Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat by Amy Tan

The Salamander Room by Anne Mazer

Sam and The Tigers by Julius Lester

Seashells Crabs and Seastars by Christiane Lump Tibbitts

The Seashore Book by Charlotte Zolotow

The Seven Chinese Brothers by Margaret Mahy

Shrek by William Steig

Six Dinner Sid by Inga Moore

Stephanie's Ponytail by Robert Munsch

The Sunday Outing by Gloria Jean Pinkney

The Stinky Cheese Man by Jon Sciezka

Sweet Clara and the Freedom Quilt by Deborah Hopkinson

The Sweetest Fig by Chris Van Allsburg

The Talking Eggs by Robert D. San Souci

Thirteen Moons on Turtle's Back by Joseph Bruchac

Thunder Cake by Patricia Polacco

Tillie and the Wall by Leo Lionni

Time For Bed by Mem Fox

Tough Boris by Mem Fox

Town Mouse, Country Mouse by Jan Brett

The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs! by Jon Scieszcka

Tuesday by David Wiesner

Two Bad Ants by Chris Van Allsburg

Uncle Willie and the Soup Kitchen by Dyanne DiSalvo-Ryan

The Very First Americans by Cara Ashrose

Voyage of The Basset by James C. Christensen

Waiting for Anya by Michael Morpurgo

War Boy by Michael Foreman

We're Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen

What Lives in a Shell? by Kathleen Weidner Ziegfeld

Why the Sky is Far Away by Mary-Joan Gerson

The Widow's Broom by Chris Van Allsburg

Wilma Unlimited by Kathleen Kroll

The Wolf by Margaret Barbalet

The Wretched Stone by Chris Van Allsburg

Zomo The Rabbit by Gerald McDermott

[lucasmaybury]

Reviewing My Record Collection: 3333 Albums from A to Zuma by Stephen Fall

Featuring more than a thousand different artists, Reviewing My Record Collection: 3,333 Albums from A to Zuma examines LPs across diverse genres and sub-genres, acquired from a lifetime of loitering in charity shops and collecting records, tapes and CDs. It offers an honest opinion on the great and less great albums of the last 60-plus years, driven by an ongoing curiosity to hear everything at least once.

The book grapples with the catalogues – often large and unwieldy – of artists such as Abba, Arab Strap, Albert Ayler, Joan Baez, Jane Birkin, Blondie, Blur, David Bowie, James Brown, Tim Buckley, Kate Bush, The Byrds, John Cale, Can, Captain Beefheart, The Carpenters, Leonard Cohen, Julian Cope, Elvis Costello, Miles Davis, Lana Del Rey, Sandy Denny, Depeche Mode, Bob Dylan, Brian Eno, Fairport Convention, The Fall, Funkadelic, Gong, Grateful Dead, Luke Haines, Jimi Hendrix, the Human League, the Incredible String Band, the Innocence Mission, the Jesus and Mary Chain, King Crimson, The Kinks, The Knockouts, Kraftwerk, Led Zeppelin, John Lennon, Gordon Lightfoot, Julie London, Paul McCartney, Medicine Head, Joni Mitchell, The Monkees, Van Morrison, Randy Newman, Joanna Newsom, Nico, The NoMen, Angel Olsen, The Orb, Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, Pavement, Peaches, Pink Floyd, Elvis Presley, The Pretenders, Dory Previn, Prince, Public Image Ltd., Pulp, R.E.M., Radiohead, Lou Reed, Jonathan Richman, the Rolling Stones, Roxy Music, Bridget St. John, The Seeds, Silver Apples, Simon & Garfunkel/Paul Simon, Nina Simone, Frank Sinatra, The Smiths/Morrissey, Smog/Bill Callahan, Sonic Youth, Spacemen 3, Sparks, Regina Spektor, Bruce Springsteen, Status Quo, Steeleye Span, Suicide, Sun Ra, T.Rex, Talking Heads, Television/Tom Verlaine, Richard Thompson, Van der Graaf Generator/Peter Hammill, Townes Van Zandt, the Velvet Underground, Loudon Wainwright III, Tom Waits, Robert Wyatt, Yes, Neil Young and Warren Zevon.

1,000+ artists! 785 footnotes! 3,333 albums reviewed!

[hiromisuzukimicrojournal]

Late Blooming Girl

✽

Uncle Beard had no teeth, I was thinking. First of all, the reason he was called Uncle Beard was quite simple: he had a long white beard growing under his chin. The reason he was thought to be toothless was that he clucked his tongue like small drops of sudden rain hitting the roof, no matter what he ate. Uncle Beard, who was an elder brother of my grandma, ran a shoe shop on the edge of Tokyo. I was set to transfer to a new primary school that autumn and my grandma took me to the shop to have the school-designed one strap low heel shoes, pretty shoes so-called Mary Jane in the 1930s, made. Lovely leather shoes strolling could been seen through the display window, Oxfords, Derbys, marshmallow heel pumps, lace-up ankle boots, and knee-high boots. Even the flat shoes with corsages made by suede for little girls pretended to be prima donnas. In a faded poster of the 1966 tune These Boots Are Made for Walkin’, Nancy Sinatra laid sexy, holding Spotted Python to her breast. Uncle Beard showed me a leather sample book. There were a variety of animals, including cows, pigs, deer, etc. and even reptiles such as crocodiles and snakes. True or not, Uncle Beard told us proudly and exaggeratedly that once a year he went to the Amazon River and Río Orinoco to catch crocodiles. “Lunch is a crocodile dish,” Grandma called everyone from the main house at the back of the shop. On the kitchen table were dishes of chicken and white fish, which appeared to be cod, fried in used rapeseed oil. The plate was garnished with tartar sauce and cut lemon, with pickled olives and plastering a heap of French fries. I had lost my appetite.

Late that afternoon, Uncle Beard took me to a summer festival in the shopping district. Food booths lined the front of each shop in the arcade, I begged for grilled corn due to the temptation by the savoury aroma of soy sauce. We sat on a container of chilled bottled beer and nibbled on a whole corn together. I gazed at Uncle Beard’s mouth from motives of curiosity. When he opened his thin lips inside the bush of his long white beard, a reddish-black tongue glimpsed like a snake through the dark hole leading to his larynx. Then the teeth, which should not be there, especially the big front teeth, dropped the corn grains into his mouth like a bulldozer scraping sediment from a bedrock. The corn cores remained after being ground and eaten up by only his tongue rolled aimlessly away, lost in the footsteps of the festival crowd. ‘Do you want some watermelon?’ Uncle Beard said impatiently and brought two slices of watermelon out of eight equal portions into each hand, from the next booth. The droplets from the surface of watermelon, which had cooled in the icebox, evaporated in the heat of the pavement. I tried again to observe Uncle Beard, but his watermelon quickly disappeared into his long white beard. From a black hole, which might be his mouth, black seeds as small beetles jumped out vigorously one after another and died on the burnt pavement. The juice of watermelon spilled from his relax tongue stained his dry beard a pale pink.

There was a lottery at the exit of the shopping arcade. The Japanese lottery machine was a hexagonal rotating wooden box with plastic balls of about one centimetre in radius in various colours, red, blue, green, white, yellow, etc. The bettor turned a handle on the outside and the prize was determined by the colour of ball out. The first prize of the winner was a one-night trip for a couple to the hot-spring hotel in Hakone. “I hope we win the Fujiya Ryokan, where John & Yoko and Yukio Mishima used to stay,” said Uncle Beard dreamily as he stood in the queue. When it was our turn and I turned the handle of the machine in exchange for a redemption ticket, a white ball rolled out. The prize was a Hello Kitty perfume bottle-style keyring. The madam of the cosmetics shops in charge of the lottery said, “Congratulations, Kitty! you are lucky!” she smiled, hooked a ball chain on the tip of her glittery manicured forefinger and popped Hello Kitty into the palm of my hand. The liquid was noticed to be just water, coloured pink. Madame winked at Uncle Beard with her eyelashes like the wings of a swallowtail butterfly. “You should buy this girl a real perfume. Eau de Parfum named Ever Bloom would suit her. As you know, I work at a distributor of Shiseido Company. The shop is on the ground floor of the building on the corner back down this street. The next door of a book café. Do not forget!”

Even as the seasons passed, I could not adjust to my new primary school. I was a late-blooming girl who never pursued love or dreams. But I fell in love with a dreaming boy in my dream. I could only see his back in the distance. As I woke up from my dream, I was crying hugged the afterimage of his smile. I was listening to These Boots Are Made for Walkin’ on my pillow while eating an apple. Outside the window it was snowing. I thought of sexy alligator-skin boots strutting around town like a Nancy Sinatra song. I remembered the cute boy in the same class as me in the previous school. Although I had forgotten about the Hello Kitty keyring I won as prize on the day of the summer festival, and Eau de Parfum which Uncle Beard bought me. Even the scent of Ever Bloom might have remained in the back of my desk drawer, I cannot remember. I wondered if the truth or not that Uncle Beard was planning an adventure capturing black caiman and Orinoco crocodiles in Venezuela again next summer holidays. Above all, I could never forget the horrible scene, the little black creatures popped out from the dark hole inside his long white beard, then they died on the burnt pavement.

✽

RIContest theme image

✽  ✽  ✽

RIContest #1: Late Blooming Girl / Hiromi Suzuki

© short story by hiromi suzuki, 2023

published in RIC Journal (May 29, 2023)

…

via RIC Journal

[paperbackpendulum]

Physical TBR

———————

Last night I realized that I own 50 books that I’ve never even read. I was so excited about all of these books when I bought them but ended up getting distracted and buying even more books. My goal for the rest of this year is to not purchase any new books. I’ll still be reading from my local library, my monthly audible credits, and books that I’ve already preordered of course.

——————————————

Cat’s Eye - Margret Atwood

The Edible Woman - Margret Atwood

Hag-Seed - Margret Atwood

Surfacing - Margret Atwood

Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

Persuasion - Jane Austen

4321 - Paul Auster

Lore - Alexandra Bracken

Parable of the Talents - Octavia E Butler

Mind Hunter - John Douglas

A Tale of Two Worlds - Michel Faber

Voyager - Diana Gabaldon

Drums of Autumn - Diana Gabaldon

The Fiery Cross - Diana Gabaldon

A Breath of Snow and Autumn- Diana Gabaldon

An Echo in the Bone - Diana Gabaldon

Written in My Own Hearts Blood - Diana Gabaldon

Neverwhere- Neil Gaiman

Beasts of Prey - Ayana Gray

The Anthropocene Reviewed - John Green

The Once and Future Witches - Alix E Harrow

Dune- Frank Herbert

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love - Bell Hooks

Island - Aldous Huxley

The Fifth Season - N.K. Jemisin

Ulysses - James Joyce

The Green Mile - Steven King

IV - Chuck Klosterman

Go Set a Watchman - Harper Lee

Life of Pi - Yann Martel

Fae Fever - Karen Marie Moning

Dream Fever - Karen Marie Moning

Shadow Fever - Karen Marie Moning

Iced - Karen Marie Moning

Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir

Harrow the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir

A Deadly Education - Naomi Novik

Survivor - Chuck Palahniuk

Stronghold - Melanie Rawn

Th Dragon Token - Melanie Rawn

Skybowl - Melanie Rawn

The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss

The Bone Season - Samantha Shannon

The Mime Order - Samantha Shannon

Against Interpretation and Other Essays - Susan Songtag

Valley of the Dolls - Jacqueline Susann

Funny You Should Ask - Elissa Sussman

The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde

Interior Chinatown - Charles Yu

[lobanhart]

I have completed (finally!) a new commission for a wonderful @deathvalleyqueen with her children - John and Mary Jane. Thank you so much for entrusting me with this job! 💛✨ I really enjoy learning more about your cute characters. They are all so different and beautiful, and it makes me rejoice at how many talented people I see here.✨🖤

[deathvalleyqueen]

I was lucky enough to be able to snag a commission from the lovely @pheedraws​ and she captured my little soft sleepy morning idea so well! I would absolutely recommend Phoebe to anyone looking for some stunning art!! She was a delight to work with on this. I am so grateful for my dear friend @cornfedcryptid​ for helping me be able to get this art and always being the head cheerleader of my ships and writing. 

Please accept this fluffy (and a touch angsty) oneshot that goes with this wholesome art. 

Morning Coffee 

Rating: T - low M

Word Count -  8072

TW: Very brief mention of drug use

I am not someone who normally sleeps in as a rule, but the morning after our first night in the Ranch, Seed Ranch as it is now called I suppose, there was nothing that could have drug me out of bed with the sun. The twins did well enough with the move during the day but by the end of the evening they had let their pure displeasure for all the commotion be well known. They took turns fussing most of the night. Being very careful to take their turns, not being kind enough to give us both of them calm and sleeping at the same time 'til almost four in the morning This was obviously a coordinated effort on their part, even if they were only six weeks old. I had taken the brunt of dealing with the twins throughout the night, letting John try and get some rest as he had been doing the majority of the running in the previous few days. I thought it was the kindest thing to do, but I regretted deeply not being a far more selfish person. As much as the prospect of laying in bed all day was so very appealing to my still mostly asleep self, I knew that if I didn’t start moving soon I wasn’t ever going to. There were babies that probably were up or about to be. Not to mention a whole house that needed put together so we could actually live as comfortably as our new home should allow us to.

As I rolled over, I fully expected to stop halfway, being caught around the waist by a half asleep John. Like he had most mornings for the better part of the last decade. He would pull me back against him and nuzzle the back of my neck, softly asking me to stay with him just a little longer. Something he knew would only end up keeping me in bed for another blissful ten minutes, at least. Yet, on this morning I flopped over on my back to find a cold empty space. Instantly my half asleep brain started to panic. My hand blindly searched on his side of the bed, somehow expecting John to just appear out of thin air. As I pushed myself up, I opened my tired eyes and searched around the dim room. The curtains were still drawn, the bedroom door shut. It was quiet since the twins had come home. Quiet terrified me. I reached towards the end of the bed and pulled on an old lavender sweater that I had worn the night before as my eyes started to search around the room. The twin’s bassinets were at the end of the bed and the bathroom door was closed with the lights off. No sign of anyone inside.

I ran my hands up my face as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes trying to will myself to be more awake than I was capable of at that moment. With a huff I tossed the covers off and instantly regretted it as soon as I remembered it was mid November. While the snow hadn’t started quite yet, there was enough of a chill in the morning the I pulled up my socks as I slipped on my weather old pink bunny slippers. My first thought was ‘check the babies..they are too quiet ’, so to the end of the bed I went. Much to my shock and honestly, a bit of pure terror thrown in there too, I found both of the bassinets empty. The panic that was already there because of John’s absence swelled to the point I could feel my chest begin to grow tighter as the first rush of pure anxiety took me over. “Where...are my babies?” I snapped so not awake enough for any of this.

READ THE REST ON AO3

[wewillryesagain]

I scrounged this up in the last 48 hours and just finished it. It's a little rough, but it's the biggest digital drawing I've ever done period. I'm planning on posting it on twitter later because I live for Ubisoft validation apparently. Anyways, hope you guys like it, I poured quite literally my heart and soul into this, and put my friends deputies in there too. It's been a rough year in FarCry terms, but I feel like from this point now, it's going to be okay. Something tells me after all the downs I've had in this fandom, it's time to go up!

Here's some of the characters featured:

Sam Aileron//Sam Rye (mine)

Nancy Drubman (cheese_clarice on Instagram)

Alice Seed (@ymmortal-blog)

Aless Rook (@baberahamlinkin)

Jane Seed (@jrsydevl)

[fanfictionsandtea]

Peaky Blinders AU where everybody smokes weed instead of tobacco

The Shelbys first discovered weed through an ex-soldier of the colonial army (East India Company).

Thomas was sceptical at first because he knew what opium could do to your body. He was scared that his brothers would get addicted to that new drug he knew little about.

John on the other side was not afraid at all. Behind Tommys back he smoked a bowl of the good Kush and immediately fell in love with Mary Jane.

He began to meet more often with the ex-soldier who was already an experienced pothead and grew his own weed in his backyard.

He also began to smoke on his own and soon discovered the medical benefits as well. After a fight the first thing he would do was not to bandage his wounds but to light up a bowl of his favourite strain.

One day Thomas and Arthur drove to Johns house to suprise him.

When he opened the door the smoke that was trapped in the room escaped in a cloud like manner. His eyes were barely open and looked very irritated.

"What happened to you?", Arthur asked perplexed.

"Oh, I know that bloody smell. John, tell me you are not smoking that fucking flower!", Thomas growled.

"Calm down, Thomas. It helps me with the pain from all the fighting."

"Really?", Arthur asked, "Do you think it could help me with my back?"

"Sure, come in."

John prepered a great bowl full of White Widow. He started laughing as Arthur coughed his soul out of his body. Arthur fell into Johns armchair. He closed his eyes and had a big smile on his face. John was happy about his positiv reaction of sudden relaxation and prepared another bowl for himself.

"John, are you fucking kidding me?", Thomas said with an agressiv voice.

"You should try it, Tommy.", Arthur replied and started coughing again.

"C´mon you´re smoking your bloody opium every second night and now your judging me for smoking some pot."

"Drugs are bloody dangerous, John!", he shouted.

"Damn, Thomas, keep it quiet.", Arthur complained.

"It´s not dangerous. Well, it´s not worse than a cigarette. Weed has a lot of medical benefits. It can help you with pain, stress and even anxiety and depression among other things. It makes all the bad thoughts go away. Try it at least before you judge me."

"Alright, prepare me a bowl."

Thomas first experience was amazing. The weed got his creative juices flowing throughout his body. He started planning to grow his own weed to be financially independent and when an idea hit him like a train. Money. He could sell weed amongst all his friends and enemies to make them dependent on him.

"Guys, we´re starting a new business."

Thomas managed to get some seeds from connection to Amsterdam. At first they only grew weed in there backyards but they expanded quickly into green house complexes specially built for their farming efforts.

Polly was facinated by the new plant. It helped her forgetting about all the bad things that had happened to her in the past. After growing her own marijuana plants she realized how much she loved gardening and began to get deeper into the art of botany especially in regards to crossing different breeds. Her weed became to known as the strongest in all of Birmingham.

Isaiah, Finn and the other boys stopped snorting snow, which Thomas saw as a big improvement of the family.

Ada and the communists natrually loved it, too. They worked together on giant publicly owned fields to support their commune.

Johns oldest boy sometimes snuck out to steel some weed from Esmes purse even though John was always ambitioned to keep children away from drugs.

"I told you a thousand times that pot is only for cannabis patients and adults!" (What up YouTube YouTube what up Jolli Olli comin atcha for CustomGrow420... go check him out)

Alfie Solomon was a bit sceptical at first but he didn´t regret trying it. After blazing he had some beautiful intimate moments with his god.

Everyone was happy and soon the weed wave spread all across the isles and beyond to all corners of the British Empire.

But one day John talked to a guy who gave him shrooms.

[blissfulalchemist]

Fight back. Fight back! With John and Cat pretty please, I need all of their angst

Thank you for this! Sorry it took awhile. I hope it fits the bill of angst. It can also be read on Ao3 since this is canon.

There’s no hope of that day ever leaving her vision, not now. Not ever. The dirtied blonde hair with its streaks of red, her hands clinging to Cat’s as she smiled trying to hide the fear in her eyes. She had never looked so young before, it was a wonder Cat didn’t catch on sooner. Would that have made much of a difference in the end? Could it have saved Sarah’s life? No, probably not. Sarah was doomed to an early end the minute she met Catlina. 

Some Mother Mary figure she was, she brought a child into this and both suffered the consequences. No, more than two people….Sarah’s mother, the only one to have shown any kind of care for her, was to suffer the most. Her daughter dead at sixteen, she’d have preffered to have heard the cause be suicide than see Mary Seed at her door. Would rather have never known than listen to Cat’s explanation of what happened. Her whole world was gone from her, really and truly gone from her. Thinking her daughter a runaway never to be seen again was a better comfort to the poor woman. 

Far better than any kind of comfort Catlina could offer as she screamed and wept, repeating over and over Sarah’s name. It wasn’t too long after “I’m so sorry for your loss” that the grieving mother worked on pushing Cat out of the house, off of the property, out of her life. Gone, gone, gone. Gone like everything else. Cat had to send Lance over to ask the question she never got the opportunity to utter. 

Who knew regret could linger so heavily in the back of one's throat, holding back the screams that should have been uttered by the dead. She should have never gone to tell Sarah’s family. John had warned her it was a bad idea, to just let one of the other members tell them if Cat was so istent on the whole idea. No, she had told him, she wanted to pay her respects. A lie, it was the guilt. Cat needed to staciate the guilt, her guilt. Two….two people for whom she’d caused their downfalls, she didn’t want there to be a third.

 It was silence that she sat in, waiting for Lance to return with news of what was to be done with Sarah’s body. The family, for all their indifference to Sarah, deserved to have the opportunity to have that choice presented to them. If they chose to have nothing left to do with her, Catlina would make sure Sarah was buried with the utmost respect and care, let her leave this world with love and attention she deserved in this life.

Short life.

Sixteen….sixteen. Could one even call it a life being that young?

The sound of the door closing doesn’t stir Cat from her gaze into the fire before her, it had to have been John, Lance only left ten minutes ago. She can hear John move about the living room towards the table on the west wall, the crystal containers too high pitched for her ears as they hit against each other. Cat brings her knees up placing her chin on them trying to tune out the ringing. She can’t differentiate between the time he had stopped moving them and the glass that’s now appeared before her, held in the air by his tattooed hand. The smell of the alcohol in it strong as she waves it away, “You sure,” John asks.

A nod from her and he gives a shrug, knocking the drink back before taking a seat next to Cat. He lets out a sigh, her eyes glancing his way, it’s rare for him to be this quiet. “I take it your mission didn’t go as planned,” he says finally. She doesn’t respond, only letting out a slow breath rolling her eyes. John gives a half hearted chuckle, “You shouldn’t be so surprised at your results,” he finishes his second drink, turning to face her, ��Admittedly a bit admirable trying to give them a choice.”

“Sarah’s family deserved to at least know,” Cat said softly, “Her mother still cared about her to some degree.”

“Yet was happier thinking her a runaway,” he shook his head, “Or do you like killing people’s hope?”

Cat sat straightened out facing him, “Excuse me?” John didn’t look at her giving her a small shrug, “That is not what I did. She would have been in more pain never knowing what happened to Sarah. Always wondering and contemplating the what ifs, her mind probably making up much worse stories.”

He leaned back on the couch, “It could have just been a better comfort to believe her daughter was alive and out in the world, happier making her own way rather than suffering at home.” John’s blue eyes met hers, “Is that kind of thinking so terrible?” Cat blinked, averting her gaze, biting the inside of her lip. John wasn’t wrong. The logic of it made sense, but there was no way to know that for sure. Sarah’s mother didn’t give Cat much time to talk to her. “Hmm,” John studied her a  moment more, leaving to get another drink, “So do you have a verdict on what to do with Sarah?”

“I sent Lance back over,” John nodded along, “She didn’t give me an answer and I hoped that maybe he might have a better shot at it.” 

“And if he doesn’t succeed?” He turned leaning against the table, drink in hand, “What then? My brother would like an answer soon.”

“What does he plan to do with Sarah?”

“Same as the others,” John’s steps echoed through the house, “Bury them and have a small prayer at the next service.”

“And by bury you mean….?”

“No one else there, just buried in a simple casket. Nothing much in the way of preparations.”

“She was faithful….a chosen,” She was sixteen. Was Sarah really going to be treated like some Jane Doe?, “Will she be cleaned up at least?” John’s hesitation was enough to answer, “We can’t let that happen John.”

“The general faith doesn’t believe in there being excess of  certain practices,” John sat across from her on the coffee table, “She gets something with it being Joseph, you should be thankful for that.”

“I-.” Cat’s words were cut short with the entrance of Lance, his face apologetic as she turned to see him, “What did Sarah’s mother say?”

“She doesn’t want her body. Thinks that it was some trick to get her to join up with Eden’s Gate,” his hazel eyes caught John’s, “Said if it was really her daughter then she’d get a more respectful burial here.”

“Thank you, Mr. Powell,” John replied, his tone already waving Lance away, “I’ll send word to my brother.”

Lance gave a curt nod, turning to leave, Cat’s hands starting to shake, “So that’s it then?” 

“Do you not want it to be?” John asked, head tilted ever so slightly, face neutral.

“He won’t even clean her up, give Sarah something that isn’t blood stain to take with her in the after life!” How could he be so casual about this? So unfeeling about it all? Sarah was sixteen.

“Then you tell him that.” The shortness of his answer, nor the answer itself, shouldn’t have made her flinch, but there she was regaining her composure from the surprise.

Cat gave a snort, “Yeah because your brother is so keen on listening to me.”

John arched a brow, “You think he wouldn’t take your opinion into account?”

“No,” Cat crossed her arms, “Why would he? I’m just some pawn.”

“You really believe that don’t you?” John clicked his tongue, “Guess I was wrong then.”

Cat narrowed her eyes, brows knitting together, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing really,” he stood making his way to the stairs, “Just a little more obvious why you’re feeling like you don’t get some kind of respect.”

Cat clenched her jaw, following him, “Care to elaborate on that, John?”

“You don’t fight.” He didn’t say it with any sort of disdain or mockery, just as if he was stating some kind of fact.

“I fight with you plenty.”

“Sure, but you don’t fight with anyone else.”

“So?”

“It means that you don’t actually fight,” he gave her a smirk, “You just want someone to yell at.”

I don’t yell, “You ever think it strategic?”

Cat caught the smallest of eye rolls from him, before he continued, “You ever wonder how Faith managed to gain the respect of me and my brothers?”

“That’s different,” Cat countered, “Faith is part of your family. I’m not.”

“Aren’t you?” His too calm voice, Better his than Joseph’s, was infuriating as Catlina felt her cheeks start to burn, “You are my wife, are you not? That’s how people see you. You’re Mary Seed, John’s wife.”

Catlina clenched her jaw, how she hated to have been reduced to only a man’s wife, “Married in doesn’t mean you get the same respect.”

“Only if you don’t fight for it, or did you forget that Faith was adopted into this family.” John started to pace around the room, “Faith started off as any other member, didn’t have your luxury of starting off so high up. None of us would have given much of a damn about her if she hadn’t made sure we knew who she was. Surprised me, I’ll admit, with how much power was there behind that timid and shy face.”

“I’m not Faith,” Cat mumbled.

John settled himself against the bannister leading to the second floor, “No, you’re not. You were born again here as Mary, someone that can and should demand the same respect and treatment of her fellow siblings.”

Siblings, that was a stretch, John knew that. He’s baiting you, Cat could start to hear the pounding of her heart, Don’t give into it. You’re hand’s already starting to shake, she glanced down to the trembling fist. “If that was true why are you seen as an underling to Joseph,” the emotion that passed through John’s eyes came and went too quickly for Cat to identify it, “You’re not the only one who hears things, John.” The slightest clench in his jaw, followed by that casual smile of his, her hand shaking more, You’re not her. Stop your anger, you’re not her. You don’t blow up like her. 

“That center of yours,” John pushed himself off the bannister, keeping one arm crossed while the other stayed free, glass in hand, “You ever wonder why I even allowed such a place to exist?” Because maybe, just maybe, you wanted to do some kind of good, “A place free, mostly, of Eden’s Gate’s, in your words, ‘influence’. A place that relies on the good faith in others to do the right thing. To rid themselves of their greed, their individualistic mindset, and bring forth their compassion for total strangers as soon as they walked through the door of that place.” John shook his head, “A pipe dream if you ask me.”

Slow your breathing. One, “What’s your point,” Two.

“Why do you think I let you have that center of yours,” he looked to the ground, some hair falling out of place as he pointed to her. Three.

She rolled her eyes shrugging, “I don’t know because some part of you cares about me.”

He chuckled, shaking his head, “Cute. Naive notion though.” Cat crossed her arms biting her tongue, “Try again.”

She looked away from his pacing, this was feeling more like a college lecture. Naive notion, she had to think more like John, “A different method of gaining new recruits.”

“Elaborate,” his movement never ceasing, gesturing for her to continue when Cat grew silent for too long.

She sighed, “You’re still having a hand in restricting some of the supplies and food in the county, my center provides what’s needed. Do it long enough, restrict little by little and soon enough people become desperate. The center can only hold so much though so it becomes easier to sell them on something that will provide all that is needed.”

He stopped, “Huh,” John looked at her, smiling, “Clever plan.” The praise ice running down her spine, “Wrong answer though.” He set the glass down, “The correct answer is because you fought for it.” John took a step towards her, Cat taking one back her brows knitted together, “I found it strange that the woman who, in the first two hours of being with us, pushed my brother over with little hesitation while yelling at him would turn back into this meek creature that I see before me.”

It’s called survival, “I found out where my place was.”

“If that’s what you want to call it,” John’s eyes studied her, Cat looked down, shoulders pulling to the center of her body, “I just assumed back then that I read you wrong, that it was a moment of impulse for you.” Not that far off John-o, “Then you asked to have that center,” he was inches from her now, fingers running up her arm, “I said no, the notion to this day is abhorrent to me. You didn’t let up though, it seemed like you asked every hour,” her blood followed his trail as he traced over her clavicle, “I thanked the Lord when you finally stopped asking.”

John’s touch ran up her neck, fingertips starting to rest just under her chin, “I asked one more time,” Cat whispered, unresisting to him tilting her face to meet his.

“No, Mary,” John leaned down, holding her gaze, “you didn’t ask, you demanded.” His hand grabbed hold of her chin, stopping her from looking away, John’s voice lowering, “You walked into my office, dropped that contract in front of me, and refused to leave until I listened to everything you had to say about it.” 

Cat started to twist, hoping for release from his grip. His praises gave implication that she was like them in some way. Ruthless, cold, cunning, everything she never wanted to be. She was nothing like them, wanted nothing to even do with them. “That fire, the exact same one I see in your eyes right now was back. The woman I had the barest hint of respect for was still there.” 

She pushed him away, words spitting out, “I knew how to fight back against you,” Not really. Cat slinked back needing as much distance as she could manage, “I figured it out,” Not enough, “easy as one, two, three.”

He laughed, “Then my brothers should be easier for you to figure out. And yet,” her hands touched the wood paneling, heart thundering, “here we are. My fearful rabbit, unable to fight back.” Her breathing quickened, nails scraping the wall, he felt too close, Breathe, just breathe. He’s lying to you, tricking you….He’s right though. 

No, “I can fight back plenty,” she said lowly, feeble attempt to hide the tremble in her voice, “Part of that is knowing when to pick your battles.”

He stepped closer, Cat averting her gaze hiding the blood rushing to her cheeks, “Why not pick this one then?” 

Her mouth went dry, fingers going numb, “I don’t fight battles already lost.”

“Then all of them will be lost,” he turned away from her, “You can’t win what you never fought.” Cat watched as John made his way to the stairs, mouth agape frozen to the wall, “You want things to play out differently with Sarah, it's up to you to speak with Joseph,” he called over his shoulder.

She waited for the door to close behind him, sliding down the wall, fingers raking through her hair. She hated games, hated trying to always figure out the rules, John was changing them. Always changing them, he was worse than her mother. Tiptoe around, find your place, what will keep the anger and negative emotions away, never get in a fight, never start them. She had them, had the rules down, easy to keep her head down, look and find an exit. John was looking for a fight, she was entertainment, his entertainment. 

Wrong, wrong, wrong, you made yourself the entertainment. You make yourself so easy to bait into these conversations. You’re the one that’s afraid, the thoughts repeated over and over. Some part of Cat had to remember she wasn’t at fault for all of this, right? Had to be, no other explanation as to why she was here still. Weak, “You’re just being dramatic. You need to take accountability for your actions.”, easily trusting, took those threats at face value. All Cat, all Catlina’s own doing. 

Fight back, How? There was no way to fight back, didn’t she entrench herself so far into this cult that she herself was one of them? Fight back, She took Bliss the first time, convinced herself that she could help find a way to make people feel better, “What did you do? They’re like zombies.”, Faith knows and was left to clean up Cat’s mistake. 

Sarah was sixteen, how did Jacob let that slip by, how did she let that fact slip by her. She knew what sixteen looked like….So did he, Jacob didn’t stop Sarah though. He let her continue with that training of his, training that led her to that field, to stand in the line of fire. “You saved me, it's only fair I save you.” “Do you think Eden really looks like paradise, Mary?”, Cat’s fault….Sarah was fated for death the moment she made Lance pull that car over. 

“You can’t win what you never fought.”, She just needed to at least make sure Sarah was laid with respect. Being the harbinger of death didn’t mean you had to act just as cold, “I’m not like them.” 

Cat wiped away her tears, crying of course she was, all she was ever good for, “Can’t fight for me.” I don’t deserve to be fought for, “I can fight for her. Fight for others,” Good people fight for others and I’m a good person. “I fight back, John,” she whispered to the empty room, standing, “I just don’t fight like you. I don’t fight selfishly.” 

She made her way to the spare room, closet full of the excess that didn’t fit in the master, the dress was here. Sarah didn’t have much of anything, the new members so rarely do, yet she still wanted to look as presentable as possible during her baptism. There, a simple shift dress with its chiffon and lace, Cat found the gold ribbon to tie around it’s waist, Sarah said she had never been happier. She didn’t even want to hide the scars littering her arms and legs, “You don’t Mary, so why should I? Besides God will wipe them clean so I can heal.”, that line, something John must have told her to convince her to join Eden’s Gate. 

Cat’s eyes looked to the guard outside, eyes landing on Lance, directing the other members to their posts for the evening. She stood, patiently waiting for him to finish, “It's getting late Mary,” he said to her once the last member walked off, “You should be getting ready for bed.”

He turned, eyes landing on the white dress in her arms, “I need to see Joseph and this can’t wait until morning.” Lance nodded, picking up the assault rifle, “Thank you.” She looked to the bedroom window once settled into the car, John’s silhouette visible, You better wipe that smug smile off, I’m not doing this for me. I have nothing to prove to you….and I never will.