#joel's not doing so hot but neither am i so what else is new

[actual-changeling]

trying to write and failing but have a preview of what im (hopefully) gonna finish today anyway

[egcdeath]

clean sheet

pairing: joel miller x reader 

summary: nothing stirs the pot like your ex-husband, gossipy soccer moms, and a weekend-long soccer tournament. (part two of spectator sport)

word count: 7.7k

warnings: canon divergent: no apocalypse, implied past emotional abuse, jealousy/misunderstanding, kinda angsty in the beginning but verrrry fluffy at the end, insecurities, there was only one bed, mutual pining, sarah and chloe being menaces as usual

author’s note: this past week has been extremely rough. like, ao3 author’s note apologizing for being gone rough, so i’m just as surprised as you are that i was able to write 7,000 words of a part two to spectator sport. enjoy!

 part 3 / series masterlist

Tournament season was nothing short of an absolute pain in the ass. It was a pain in the ass when you were married and able to evenly split your responsibilities, and it’s even more of a pain in the ass now that your ex-husband has decided to participate minimally in all soccer related ventures. 

To be completely honest, it seemed like it wasn’t just soccer ventures your ex wasn’t too enthused to partake in, as Nathan had ditched most of his fatherly duties whenever a new, younger girlfriend was in the picture. But that was neither here nor there.

Despite Nathan taking Chloe to her past few games this season—you were completely swamped with work and you had practically gotten on your knees and begged for him to take her to them—he didn’t seem to have any interest in assisting you with tournaments. 

That was fine and good. You knew about the events far enough in advance to move some meetings around, block off some time, and cross your fingers and hope that nothing came up unexpectedly in the days prior to your game. Although, what you couldn’t account for was your car completely breaking down on your way back from a bagel shop the morning before you were meant to be on the road for the next three hours. 

But alas, the universe had its way of kicking you when you were already down, leaving you biting back tears in the passenger seat of a tow truck as you attempted to figure out a Plan B.

“Please, Nathaniel,” you pleaded over the phone, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you tried your absolute best to hold the last bits of your composure together. 

“I’ve been at her last three games,” it was impossible to miss the sneer in his voice as if his own daughter was the biggest burden in the world. “And where have you been? It’s practically been a month.”

“Where have I been?” you laughed out of anger and at the absurdity of his words. You knew that he knew for a fact that you’d been drowning in work. “Nathaniel. You know how my work has been. Please just do this one thing for your child. It’s the fucking weekend. It’s not like you’re doing anything else.”

“It’s always work with you. You know, this is why I couldn’t be with you anymore. You were always so selfish with your time and inconsiderate with mine,” he sighed dismissively. “And for the record, Claire and I have a reservation tonight. So I am doing something else.”

It was staggering how minimized and powerless he made you feel after every interaction despite how little he actually was in your life. Every time you interacted with the man you thanked whatever forces out there that you somehow found it in yourself to leave. 

You huffed and blinked away tears, hugging yourself to attempt to bring yourself some sort of comfort. After signing the papers, you told yourself you would never waste one single tear on the man again. You wouldn’t let a little argument like this change that promise.

“Can I at least borrow your car?” you sounded so meek and desperate, but you were running out of options, and with every passing minute you had less and less options.

Instead of responding, Nathan simply laughed at you before ending the call. Humiliated didn’t even begin to cover how you felt about the whole situation. 

You angrily wiped away the hot tears that had slipped down your face without your permission and sighed as you evaluated what options you had left. You could take an Uber, but it would be ridiculously expensive. You could rent a car, but Chloe was bound to get stains and dirt tracked throughout the vehicle. Anything else was far too short notice. 

You flopped down onto your bed and screamed into your pillow. The stress from your overfilled work week combined with an extremely inconvenient situation was taking its toll on you, but you needed to figure something out. 

Maybe you could carpool with someone. Although, you weren’t sure who was still in town, as most of the families liked to leave at the ass crack of dawn. If that wasn’t enough, you weren’t exactly sure you wanted to sit in a small contained space with some of those families for a prolonged period of time. 

Maybe you could ‘borrow’ Nathan’s car regardless of what he said. You were sure his new girlfriend had a car–if she was even old enough to drive one–and they could certainly take that car to their ever-important reservation tonight. Although, maybe getting a grand theft auto charge in order to make it to a soccer tournament wasn't your greatest idea.

You were deep in the eye of a brainstorm when a soft little knock rapped against your door, seconds before Chloe peeked her head in. 

“Hi mom,” she greeted, completely unaware of the extent of your conundrum. “Sarah can’t find her cleats and wanted to know if she could borrow one of mine. Where do you keep my old ones?” 

Joel.

Oh shit, Joel.

Joel who you’d accidentally ghosted after the promise of a date. With work and ex-spousal drama, you hadn’t even had a moment to think about the date. A knot tied in your stomach as you thought about how you’d treated him. He probably thought you were icing him out on purpose. 

“They should be downstairs in the front closet under the coats,” you informed her. “You almost ready to go?”

“What does it look like?” she retorted sassily, doing a little spin for you to show off her full soccer attire. 

“Alright,” you chuckled, trying to keep it together for just a while longer. “Go find those cleats.”

With that, she was off, and you were alone with just one option. 

You dialed the number that you’d only texted once, and bit your lip as the phone rang out. The knot in your stomach tied and untied with each ring of the phone, nausea rattling you as you thought about all the ways he could answer. He’d probably be pissed that you were only reaching out to him now, only when you needed something from him. He’d probably tell you off, just like Nathan, and laugh at you over the phone over the mere prospect of hitching a ride with him.

After three rings, Joel finally picked up, saying your name aloud, as if he was genuinely surprised to be hearing from you. 

“Joel, I’m so sorry,” you took a deep breath and attempted to hold back the wave of emotions coming over you. This stupid stressful morning. This stupid stressful month. And stupid you for leaving a good man waiting for you. A good man who was probably moments away from becoming a bad man, like every other one that seemed to appear in your life.

“My car broke down this morning and I don’t have any other way to get to the tournament. Is there any way we can carpool? I’ll literally pay you to take us. I’ll drive Sarah to school for the rest of the school year. Hell, I’ll take her to games too. Just… please.” It felt like you were talking a million miles a minute. 

“Hey, take a breath,” he said, clearly picking up on the frantic energy you were radiating through the phone. “We’re heading out in about twenty minutes. We’ll swing by your place. And don’t worry about all that other stuff, okay? Just take a big breath. I’ll see you soon.”

You were flooded with relief as you spoke your gratitude and hung up. It almost felt odd to not have someone go off on you for waiting so last minute to reach out for help, or for not reaching out to them after you said that you would. You were puzzled, and not completely sure what you did to deserve someone like Joel in your life, but you were grateful to have him regardless. Especially now that he was coming to save the day. 

Sure enough, around twenty minutes later, a pickup truck arrived in front of your house, and Chloe was sprinting to go sit with her friend in the backseat, still overjoyed from the news that she would be traveling with her friend. 

Timidly, you entered the car, still anticipating a stern lecture or even a scolding for being a shitty mom, and an even worse potential partner. “I really can’t thank you enough for this, Joel,” you expressed before he had the chance to speak, hoping that if you expressed your gratitude before he had the chance to yell at you, the blow would be lessened. You kept your eyes down as you sat down and set your overnight bag in front of you. 

“Of course. You know, I still owe you a favor after that dinner fiasco,” he glanced over at you and smiled, and some of that fear you had been holding onto began to melt away. Although, you blanched at the mention of the date that you were meant to go on, but hadn’t had the chance to do so. Yet, there didn’t seem to be any malice behind Joel’s words. 

“I guess we’re even?” you offered, looking over at the man to attempt to read him as he slung his arm around the back of the headrest and looked through the rearview mirror as he pulled out. 

“Yeah,” he said shortly, almost… dejectedly? Maybe you were reading into it too much. After all, his attention was split between you and getting out of your driveway safely. 

Regardless of what anyone was feeling, your journey began with the girls in the back chatting amongst themselves and a slightly weighted silence between the two of you in the front while the sound of radio filled in for the lack of conversation between you and Joel.

You spent the majority of the ride looking out your window, deep in thought. You tried not to let Nathan get under your skin all that often, but maybe he was right about the way you spent your time. You’d practically thrown away your shot at any relationship with the man next to you, simply because you were too busy and forgot about a promise you’d made. 

You tried to focus on the excited chatter in the seat behind you, and less on the venomous words Nathan had given you over the years, but it was a difficult task. Paired with the fact that you were still waiting for the shoe to drop and Joel to go off on you, it wasn’t the most pleasant time.

After about an hour of driving (and in your case, brooding), you had to make a stop at the gas station, as the truck was running low on fuel. You reached for your wallet and grabbed a twenty dollar bill, then passed it back to the girls behind you. “Go get some snacks for us?” 

“Of course!” Chloe cheered, hopping out of the car and racing Sarah into the entrance of the gas station.

Joel was definitely going to go off on you now that the kids were gone. You held your breath as you got out of the car, leaning against the hood of the vehicle as Joel stood by the pump, his eyes fixed on his vehicle.

“I can’t tell you just how sorry I am. About not reaching out to you to go out sometime, and for having to ask you so last minute to take us to the tournament. I’ve just been absolutely swamped with work, and Natha-“

“You’re fine,” Joel cut you off as he acknowledged your apology, keeping his gaze trained on the car. Here it comes. “You don’t need to apologize. Sometimes life just throws a bunch of shit at us at once.”

You nodded in agreement, your breathing picking up as you waited for the condescension or lecture to begin. Yet… it never came. You weren’t sure if he was as upset as you suspected, but Joel was certainly feeling more than he was willing to let on. The lack of eye contact and his slightly off responses told you that much. 

“Is everything okay?” you finally asked, trailing off. “You’ve barely said a word all trip.”

“Everything is fine. I’m just tired,” he rubbed his forehead with his hand. 

“Well, if you’re tired, I can drive us the rest of the way over and you can sleep. That way you’ll be rested for the game,” you offered, taking a daring step towards him, and setting your hand on his bicep—a peace treaty of sorts. And maybe a hint that you were still interested in whatever sparks had been evident before. 

Joel immediately stiffened under your touch, and subtly rejected the motion. He glanced over at you for just a moment before looking back down at the gas pump and shut his eyes. “That’d be great. I’m really exhausted.”

While you could believe that maybe Joel was just tired, there had to be more to the story. The way he rejected your subtle touch and the way he just couldn’t seem to meet your eyes told you that much. Perhaps you underestimated just how hurt he was by you not making plans with him, although it wasn’t like he’d reached out to you to set something up. In fact, the last time you heard from him was the night before the girls’ game following their team dinner.

“Of course. Go ahead and get back in the car, I can take everything from here.”

The rest of the ride wasn’t too long, but you were happy to contribute after asking for such a last minute favor. You drove straight to the grounds that the team was playing on that afternoon, as you were already pushing it on time, and certainly did not have time to go check into your hotel yet.

Your kids jogged off to greet their team and warm up with them, leaving you alone with Joel once again as you grabbed fold-out chairs from the back of his truck. 

“You feeling any better now after sleeping?” you asked, turning to look at him and inspect his face for any suspicious expressions.

“Yeah, definitely,” he affirmed, but his words didn’t exactly match what it was you had observed. He closed his trunk and began to walk away, and you followed after him, feeling a bit like a lost puppy.

“Joel, really. You can tell me what’s wrong,” you practically pleaded, part of you still waiting for the moment he would tell you off.

“I already told you,” his tone was defensive, and when he turned back to look at you, the agitation was clearly painted on his face. “Nothing is wrong.”

You were taken aback, but understood that you had crossed some sort of boundary in your continuous pressing of what was wrong. You felt more like a kicked puppy than a lost one as you walked out to the fields behind Joel, setting your chair up close to him, but with a little more distance between the two of you than what you would have preferred. 

You didn’t talk much during the game, outside of cheering for your daughters and momentarily celebrating when one of them pulled something impressive off. 

Although you didn’t interact much, it still felt nice to be back at a game after being gone for the past few weeks. And honestly, it felt even more nice to be back in Joel’s presence after those weeks, even if it was clear that something had shifted between the two of you. 

When the second game began, you were surprised to come back from your short leg-stretch walk to find another chair placed next to Joel’s—and a woman happily chatting his ear off.

A pang of jealousy struck your gut as you observed the two of them. It was no secret that most of the moms (and some of the dads) on the team (and other teams) saw the same things in Joel that you did. But you had absolutely no right to feel jealous, considering the way you’d basically led him on, and you had absolutely no reason to believe that there was anything romantic going on between them.

But you felt unwell anyway. 

You urged yourself not to look at them for too long, instead focusing on the game in front of you, but the sounds of their voices and the way their conversation easily flowed was far too distracting. Just the rotten cherry on top of an already shitty day. 

You felt ridiculous and childish sitting there with jealousy burning deeply in your stomach as you mentally ran through all of the things you could have done differently. Maybe if you’d texted Joel the night of your dinner and found a day where you both weren’t busy to go out together, or if you’d just said no to taking on a few extra hours, you’d be the one giggling and playing with your hair as you chatted up Joel.

It was official: you couldn’t torture yourself with staying one more moment with the two of them. Instead, you shot out of your uncomfortable little chair, and hauled your jealous little ass over to the concession stand. If you couldn’t go back in time and fix all the mistakes you’d made leading up to today, at least you could stuff your face full of peanut M&Ms until you felt better.  

As you focused on tearing the yellow plastic with a little more force than what was necessary, you completely missed Alice—one of the more gossipy mothers on the team—approaching you. 

“Hey babe,” she greeted cheerily. “We haven’t seen you in a few weeks. Where’ve you been?” 

Your mouth was currently filled with candy, so it took you a second to respond. “Work,” you said in between chewing. “I barely had time to breathe, let alone bring Chloe to her games, so I had to basically beg on my knees for a little help from her father. Speaking of which, how was Nathan?”

“Oh,” Alice paused and looked off to the side, a little too guiltily for your liking. “Yeah, he was fine.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, brows furrowed at her strange reaction. 

“Yeah! He was great. It’s just…” she trailed off and offered you an awkward smile. “We thought you two were maybe back together. You know, with the whole co-parenting thing.”

Your eye twitched. So the parents of the team were gossiping and theorizing about your love life. Great. That’s probably what was wrong with Joel—word had gotten back to him that you and Nathan were playing house again. No wonder he was putting such distance between you. 

“Babe,” you tried not to let the annoyance you were experiencing reflect too much into your tone, “why would you tell people we were back together? Bringing your own child to their sports events is not exactly groundbreaking or relationship material.”

You were now gritting your teeth as the irritation really started to sink in. Joel probably didn’t reach out to you for your date since these fucking real housewives you were surrounded by had decided to spread baseless rumors about you from the moment your ex had stepped onto the sideline. 

You were wrong. This was the rotten cherry on top of the absolute dogshit milkshake of a day you’d had. 

“I’m sorry,” Alice didn’t sound as remorseful as you wish she did. You knew that deep down, she was enjoying this little game and would be more than happy to spread this information back to her friends. “I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“It’s fine, the damage is done,” you sighed, shoving a handful of candy in your mouth. 

“Have you seen Joel and Cindy, though? They’re so cute together!”

It was now clearer than ever that Alice was only interacting with you to stir the pot, so you simply put on the best fake smile you could muster and nodded. “Adorable. Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go sit back down. I haven’t seen Chloe play in a few weeks, and she was doing so well in the last game, I’m sure she’s doing great now too!”

You didn’t wait for a response before walking off, attempting to suppress all of the feelings you were having with this new information you’d been given. In the three weeks you’d been gone, Alice had convinced the team that you and Nathan were back together, and Joel had already moved on. If you hadn’t cared so much about Chloe’s passions, you would’ve had her quit on the spot. You simply could not handle any more of this soccer parent culture. 

Sitting back down in your seat, you offered Joel an M&M, to which he politely declined. You wondered if there was a way for you to casually explain that you and Nathan were not and would not ever be an item again, but then again, it seemed like with Cindy in the picture, the ship of making anything work with you two had sailed. 

You attempted to focus on your daughter, who unsurprisingly was doing quite well in the game. You were glad that no matter how shitty your day was turning out, your kin was at least having a better day—and having fun doing it.

You simply went through the motions through the rest of the day, squeezing your daughter tight with a hug when all of the games for the day were finished and telling Sarah about how great of a job she did, then falling back into a somewhat uncomfortable silence on your drive to the hotel. 

Checking in had proved to be… a bit of an odd situation. As you pocketed your room keys, Chloe made an odd offer—her and Sarah would share a room while you and Joel would share your own. 

It shouldn’t have surprised you as much as it did when your daughters proposed that you and Joel share a room so that they could have a sleepover, but it caught you off guard regardless. 

You were hesitant for several obvious reasons, but their room was adjoined to yours, and there was a perfectly nice pull-out bed in the sofa, which meant there was absolutely no need to share a bed with Joel. After some consideration and discussion with the man who would be your roommate for the night, you ultimately settled on allowing it. You would take the sofa. Joel would take the bed.

Besides, it’s not like he’d be spending the majority of the night in the room. After a short conversation, he was getting dressed and going off to dinner with Cindy. 

You tried not to feel bad for yourself for too long. You’d already spent the majority of the day feeling bad for yourself, whether it was for the shitty situations you found yourself in, or the way the moms on your team treated your love life like their favorite reality show.

Knocking on the door adjacent to your own, you were happy to see Chloe crack open her door. 

“Hi girls,” you greeted. “What do you say to a pajama party?”

“Yes!” Chloe squealed, swinging her door wide open. Conveniently, they were already dressed the part, and were seemingly ready to wind down after a long day of physical activity. 

After ordering an absurd amount of room service and having nothing short of a feast with your favorite pre-teens, the three of you sat on the floor under a blanket fort you’d constructed as you played Uno with some random network romcom playing in the background. 

It felt like after a long day of holding your breath, you could finally let go of it, winding down with your two favorite children.

“Do you feel like you had a good day today?” you asked, placing a green three on top of the pile of cards. 

“Yeah! I missed having you and my dad together at our games,” Sarah remarked, drawing a card. 

Chloe nodded in agreement, setting down one of her own cards. “You really spice up our games. I think Joel yells a little louder at us when you’re here. He was pretty quiet when dad was bringing me.”

You tried not to let your emotions show on your face too much in front of the children, but it was undeniably sweet that you being around brightened Joel’s light, even now, when things were a little more awkward between the two of you. You simply hummed as you set down your card.

“Yeah, he kept asking me if I knew where you were,” Sarah drew a card then placed the card back down on the pile. “I think he missed you.”

So maybe Joel wasn’t as mad at you as you thought he was. Asking where you were had to be a good sign, right? Maybe it really just boiled down to him thinking you were back together with your ex-husband, and him not wanting to cross any boundaries. 

“I think you’re our good luck charm. Did you see how well we played today?” Chloe asked, discarding a card. “Uno.”

“I think you guys are just good,” you set down a card. “Uno.”

“I dunno, when you were gone we kept losing,” Sarah set down a skip, causing Chloe to exclaim in frustration. 

“Our friendship is over,” Chloe announced to Sarah for what must’ve been the third time that night. 

“Mean it this time?” she teased. 

“I swear!” the pair broke out into giggles as you set down your final card. 

“We need to team up on you! How is it that you keep winning?” Sarah asked, pointing an accusatory finger at you. 

“She’s a dirty cheater,” Chloe tutted. “Just ask her why we don’t play Monopoly anymore. Right, mom?”

“Hey!” you exclaimed. “It was a rough patch. I keep winning Uno because you two keep targeting each other. What happened to team work?”

“No such thing in Uno,” Sarah shrugged. 

You laughed aloud, feeling some of your stress melting away with the motion, “you guys are too funny.”

Chloe yawned and reached for the pile in the middle of your little circle. “You can’t compliment your way out of this, cheater.”

“Ugh, whatever. I didn’t realize I raised such a sore loser.”

“Takes one to know one!” Chloe jeered. 

“Sure,” you chuckled. “Well, I think it's this cheater’s bedtime. Can I help you guys undo the pillow fort?”

The girls agreed, and you helped take down the mess of blankets, chairs, and pillows as they began to wind down and settle into bed.

“Goodnight, girls,” you bid farewell as you approached the adjoining door. “If you need anything, just come on over, okay? Sweet dreams,” you blew kisses to both of them before going back over to your side of the room.

When you made it back to your room, Joel was already in bed, the soft light of the television illuminating his face in the otherwise dark room. The light from the screen and his pajamas were doing him all sorts of favors, making him look like he walked straight out of your domestic fantasy. 

“When did you get back?” you asked as you grabbed your phone charger from your bag and approached the pull-out bed. 

“Like, an hour ago,” he shrugged, leaning back against the headboard. 

“You should’ve come over and played Uno with us,” you suggested, attempting to get cozy in your makeshift bed as you pulled the threadbare hotel blanket over your legs. “We had a little fort and everything.”

“Didn’t wanna intrude on your girls’ night,” he mumbled sleepily, hugging a pillow as he adjusted himself in bed.

“We would’ve been happy to have you,” you muttered, trying your best to relax in the rather uncomfortable makeshift bed.

Joel simply grunted in response, his eyes now shut. You could only assume that sleep set in quickly, and you’d now lost him to dreamland.  

You stared up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. Part of you wished that this whole day was just an awful dream, and that you’d wake up the morning after the team dinner at Joel’s house, able to do everything all over again. 

Rolling onto your side, you hoped that the shitty pull-out bed would become even slightly more comfortable, but your hope was to no avail. You sighed softly and closed your eyes, wondering if you started counting sheep, if it’d be any easier to fall asleep.

About fifteen sheep in, Joel’s soft voice calling your name pulled you out of whatever sleepy daze you’d been in. 

“Hey, are you sleeping yet?” he practically whispered. 

“No,” you responded, voice far above a whisper. “The floor would probably be more comfortable than this.”

“I told you you shouldn’t have taken the pull-out bed,” he goaded.

“You wanna get down here and sleep on it for me?”

“No. Well… Would it help you sleep better?”

“Joel,” you huffed.

“I shouldn’t have asked,” you listened as the bedsheets began to rustle.

“No, no, don’t do that. Your body needs an actual bed after all that hard manual labor you do. Lay back down.”

“Not if you can’t fall asleep because of that shitty bed. Trust me, I’ve slept in worse conditions.”

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Now I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.”

Joel paused for a second, and you assumed he’d finally given up. Good.

Until he called your name once again. “Come up here and get a good night’s rest.”

“No,” you argued, though your sleepy brain was practically begging you to move to the comfier location. “You need it more than me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You snickered, “whatever you want it to mean.”

Silence on his end once again. Time to start herding your sheep. 

“Why don’t we just share? There’s probably room for three of me on this bed.”

A bold proposition from a man who got back from a date only a few hours ago. A bold proposition that you were probably a bit too enthusiastic to take. 

“Fine,” you huffed. “Only to get you off my ass.”

Every part of your body was thanking you as you slipped out of the shitty couch-bed and padded over to the empty side of the real bed. Tentatively, you got in bed and under the sheets, making sure to keep yourself on your side and keeping your back facing his.

“Goodnight, Joel.” you finally whispered. 

“Goodnight,” he softly said your name, and you imagined the look on his face. Maybe in a different world, one where you’d gone on a date with him when the offer was on the table, you’d be in bed with him without the argument, with his arm wrapped around your waist as he wrapped you in a warm embrace, or with him hovering above you as you attempted to keep quiet in a hotel filled with guests who were more than willing to speculate about you.

It was nice to have someone in bed with you again. Even if all you had was the heat radiating off of the man next to you, and the sound of his deep breaths as he fell deeper and deeper into sleep. Despite all that had gone wrong in the day, and whatever Joel’s situation was with his date, somehow laying in bed with someone else made you feel at ease.

You didn’t have to count any more sheep to fall asleep that night. 

When you woke up, Joel was already out of bed, pulling on a hat and slipping on his shoes. “Oh good, you’re awake,” he commented as you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. “Wanna get complimentary breakfast before it goes away?”

You stretched out as you listened to the proposition, wondering if the phantom feeling of an arm around your waist during the night was real or just a dream. “You know me so well.”

Somehow, the tension between the two of you didn’t feel so heavy that morning. Maybe sleeping in bed together had helped to break the ice, or maybe some other variable was at play. Regardless, you were happy to feel like your relationship had gone back to what it had been a month ago, even if Joel really was beginning to form something with Cindy. 

The hotel lobby wasn’t too busy when you and Joel went down. You were certainly grateful, as the fact that you had just rolled out of bed and gone to breakfast was more than obvious to anyone who’d looked at you for more than two seconds. 

You were stirring endless circles into your coffee when Joel sat down across from you, sighing as he leaned back into his chair. 

“Sleep well?” he asked before taking a hearty sip of his own coffee. 

You held back a laugh and exchanged it for the slightest hint of a smile. If only he knew just how well you slept. “I guess,” you admitted. “I always sleep well in hotel beds.”

You were completely uncertain of how to address the bed-sized elephant in the room, or if it was even a good idea to do so. But the lack of coffee in your system and the remnants of sleep clouding your brain had lowered your inhibitions significantly, causing the next words to tumble out of your mouth. 

“Thank you for letting me join you,” you involuntarily held your breath after saying so, too afraid to openly wait for his reaction. 

“Of course,” he hummed, beginning to stab at some of the food on his plate. “I couldn’t just let you break your back on that couch-bed.”

“Well I appreciate it,” you began to pick at some of your own food, the two of you falling into a far more comfortable silence. Obviously something had shifted between the time of the game and now, but you couldn’t quite place it. Since you were already in the mood to address elephants in the room, you had no issue blurting, “How was your date last night?”

“Date?” Joel looked up from his scrambled eggs with a furrowed brow. 

“With Cindy? From the other team?” you took a bite of toast and didn’t back down from the loaded eye contact going on between the two of you.

“Well, it wasn’t a date. Cindy’s married. Happily, I might add. Just catching up with a family friend.”

You were slightly taken aback, but not necessarily in a bad way. Suddenly, you felt silly for all the energy you’d wasted the day prior feeling jealous and bad for yourself, when you didn’t even know the full story.

“Well, what about Nathan? Is he a family friend?” it came out defensive, and you couldn’t particularly blame him for it. Finally some proof that this was what that weird tension had been all about. 

Maybe if your mind was slightly more clear, you’d find it cute that you were both a little jealous over each other. Maybe you really hadn’t thrown away your chance at this thing the way you’d thought you did.  

“No! I told you, I’ve been swamped with work. Like, getting home so late that I only see Chloe in the mornings and when I tuck her into bed, late. She needed to go to her games, and I knew there was only one person I could possibly guilt trip into bringing her. But I would rather marry the actual incarnation of Satan himself before spending another day with her father.”

“Oh,” Joel said quietly, lifting his disposable cup to his lips and seeming rather deep in thought.

“But you thought I was with him this whole time?”

“I guess?”

“And you still invited me into your bed?” you pressed, a hint of amusement in your voice.

“There was nothing inherently romantic or… sexual about that. I just didn’t want you to wake up in pain,” he set down his cup, but continued staring you down.

You shrugged. Solid answer, although you certainly wouldn’t be opposed to either alternative scenarios. 

“But even if there was, it’s only because you deserve better than that man. And from what I’ve seen, pretty much any man is better than him.”

“Including you?” you pressed. 

“What do you think?” the little smirk he was obviously trying to fight only egged you on. 

“I think I agree with you. Except, I don’t love that you just assumed something about my relationship status because one of those human rumor mills told you it. Next time, you wait until you hear it from me, okay?”

“I normally would’ve, I guess I’m just so used to things not working out with me, my brain was just looking for a reason why this wouldn’t work out either.”

“To be fair, not contacting you after saying I’d go out with you is pretty solid grounds for thinking we wouldn’t work out. But at least let me take you on a date before we try to figure out if we’ll work out or not.”

“You still want to go on that date?” Joel asked, sounding more astonished than you would’ve expected. 

“What do you think?” you winked, tossing his words right back at him. 

Just as your exchange began to wrap up, you were joined by two sleepy kids, who most certainly heard part of your conversation about going on a date. You couldn’t even bother with feeling mortified, too high on the knowledge that you had yet another shot with Joel. 

“How was your sleepover?” you asked the girls without missing a beat. 

“Fun. We missed you, though,” Chloe sighed as she buttered up a bagel. 

“Yeah, Uno’s not the same without you,” Sarah added as she began to cut up her pancakes. 

“I’m flattered, girls. We’ll have to have an Uno tournament sometime and get Joel on it too. Mostly so he can witness me beating everyone’s ass at it.”

“Language, mom. And we all know you’re a cheater.”

“Keep telling yourself that, sweetie.”

“I don’t know, I kinda believe it,” Joel teased. 

“Not you too, Joel! You’re supposed to be on my side,” you laughed. 

Your table fell into comfortable conversation for the rest of breakfast before you had to send the girls off to go get ready for their games. You almost wanted to pinch yourself to check if you were still dreaming after waking up in this domestic paradise following the terrible day you’d had yesterday, but even if it was a dream, you weren’t sure you wanted to wake up.

The rest of the tournament went smoothly, with the ice sufficiently broken between you and Joel, and you even joining in on his conversations with Cindy as the three of you sat together. The girls’ team ultimately won, leading to some very happy passengers as you drove back home. As you exited Joel’s car, you gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and a whispered promise of going out with him soon. To think, when you’d started your weekend, you never would have believed it would end in this manner. 

——

“Mom, hurry!” Chloe yelled up the stairs at you, sounding a little more impatient than what you would’ve liked. 

You could understand where she was coming from. Following the end of the soccer season, Joel had been quite busy, and Chloe hadn’t been able to see her closest friend outside of school hours for quite some time. If you were Chloe, you’d probably be anxious to see Sarah too.

Hurrying down the stairs with a newfound sense of urgency, you gave your daughter a little side hug. 

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” you apologized, understanding her urgency a little too well.

“Don’t be sorry. Just be efficient,” she pulled away from you and checked out your clothing. Sure, it was 6 PM and you were already in your pajamas. Sue you for wanting to come back home after a long day at work and put on your softest cat-printed pajama pants. “That’s a good outfit.”

“Oh, thank you. I was actually invited to Paris Fashion Week, but-“

“You can tell me in the car!” she exclaimed as she scurried off, with you following behind the little slippery bastard. 

In the car, Chloe seemed to be acting a little… suspicious. Although, you didn’t pay much mind to it, making small talk on the short drive over to her friend’s house. Her friend whose father you still hadn’t found time to go out with. 

“Oh yeah, being here reminded me that Joel had something to tell you,” Chloe announced as you pulled into their driveway. “Come in with me?”

By now, you were slightly suspicious, but the idea of having some sort of confrontation by Joel about you not following through on your word once again overrode your suspicions of your child. 

As Chloe rang the doorbell, Sarah swung the door open, smiling at her friend, then up at you. 

“Hi, come on in!” she said sweetly, opening the door all the way and leading you inside. 

As you walked in, your eyes caught on a makeshift pillow fort—one that oddly resembled the one you’d helped the girls make during their tournament. Cute.

“My dad’s inside. He wants to talk to you. See you later, bye!” Sarah talked quickly, and even quicker than her speech, she disappeared up the stairs with your daughter.

Something was definitely up.

You approached the fort with trepidation, and slowly pulled up a flap, where you found Joel dressed similarly to you in a loose shirt and plaid pajama pants, comfortably splayed out on his back while he seemed to be playing Candy Crush on his phone. 

“Oh, hey,” you said awkwardly. “The girls said you wanted to talk to me?” 

“Oh, hey,” he parroted back, seeming even more taken aback by your presence as he immediately sat up. “Uh, I actually didn’t know you were coming over?”

Oh.

It was always something with your kids. They knew how to scheme, and they knew how to scheme well.

“That’s fine,” you laughed to yourself about the situation. “I was gonna head out anyway. It was good to see you, and for the record, you clean up pretty well,” you teased, alluding to your similar mid-evening pajamas. 

“Wait!” he said quickly, nearly cutting you off. “Sorry, wait. Don’t go yet. Unless you have somewhere else to be…?”

You shook your head and shrugged. 

“I mean, obviously our kids set us up again, but we also haven’t followed through on that date yet. So maybe we can do it now?”

“Maybe,” you hummed as you sat down next to him on a mountain of pillows. “What would you want to do?” you asked, gently tapping his leg with your fuzzy-sock clad foot. (Chloe didn’t need to know that what was taking you so long was finding these god-forsaken socks.)

“Well, I’ve been wanting to take you out to some snobby, fancy restaurant,” he began. 

“Oh?” you voiced, brows raised. 

“But I don’t really think that’s either of our speeds.”

“Agreed. I don’t know where you’re going with this, but I’m liking it so far.”

“We also probably shouldn’t leave the girls home alone at night,” he continued to think out loud, his soft eyes never leaving your own. You almost felt like you were caught in a trance by them. 

“So what do you suggest we do, Joel?” you asked. 

“Well, we have this wonderful pillow fort already at our disposal. Maybe we can order some food and watch a movie?”

“I think sitting in a pillow fort while eating food and watching a movie is my love language. That sounds lovely.”

You two smiled at each other, and you could hear your heartbeat pound in your ears as a warm feeling filled your chest. It had been far too long since you’d felt any semblance of this feeling.

An abundance of Thai food and an argument over what movie to watch later, you were curled up like a cat beside Joel admiring the look of his face under the lighting of the fairy lights that were hung up throughout the little fort. 

“Ugh, why haven’t we done this sooner?” you asked, lifting your head out of the dip of his shoulder. 

“We’re both too busy,” he murmured, looking away from the television screen to look over at you. 

“I’ll literally take sick time off just to do this again,” you remarked. 

“I think that’s just the Thai food talking.”

“It was fucking amazing.”

“Told you.”

“But it’s not just the Thai food. I really like you a lot, Joel. I like spending time with you. I like talking to you and arguing about whether a shitty romcom or shitty action movie is better. I like doing mundane shit with you, like putting up fairy lights in a fort to enhance our ‘fort experience’. I like cuddling with you. Has anyone ever told you that you’re basically a human furnace? Anyway, I hate the fact that our daughters had to make an elaborate scheme just to get us together. I wanna make more time for you, because you deserve it. But like, only if you also wanna spend more time with me,” you confessed. 

“Of course I want to spend more time with you. And in the spirit of honesty, I really do have the time, sometimes. I guess I just worry that you wouldn’t want to spend your free time with me.”

“Joel, I would sit and watch paint dry on a wall if you were there with me. From the moment you entered my life, you’ve made everything a little better. If I have the time, I’m never gonna say no to being with you.”

He paused for a moment as he seemed to process that information, only coming back with a quiet, “Can I kiss you?”

You grabbed his cheeks and kissed him like no one you’d ever kissed before. It felt like the Fourth of July in your stomach as a moment you felt you’d been waiting for all your life finally came to fruition. 

By the time you pulled away, you were breathless and felt warm all over. You could go out on a limb and say that as far as dates go, this one was pretty successful, and to think, if it wasn’t for your daughters’ intervention, none of this would’ve happened. 

Yeah, you definitely needed to treat them to something.

[dykeomania]

𝒎𝒊𝒂'𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒔: parenthood (3).

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: parenthood means stress, and endurance, and exhaustion, and learning curves, and ... sometimes, really, really, really good sex?

𝐚/𝐧: this is my Parenthood (Thought) Piece because i understand that i am mentally 30 but i llloooooooooooveeee a good domesticity concept i eat that shit up nnomnomnonmonmnom. i needed to talk about early parenthood with ellie and i needed to talk about some of the ... Alternate Consequences ... of early parenting .. if you will. this was fun. this was also composed between the hours of like, 2-4am. i think it's pretty literate, and kind of alright. you may have a fun time reading it. if you don't, sorry i'll venmo you a dollar. not ssssure if i really have anything else to say, honestly. proofread (at a very early hour, mind you) but i always make mistakes, i'll always edit over time.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: i understand these tags are like super weird and i always preface my fics like "fuck around and find out," but just to be clear, this fic does not sexualize children in any way. any way. just to really make that clear. mentions of you and ellie being engaged. joel's technically alive. mentions of children. parental uncertainty. stress. a little bit of sub bottom!ellie. we're dipping our toes in. also dom top!ellie. mentions of oral (both receiving), mentions of vaginal penetration (reader receiving). both ellie and the reader being milfs / ellie thinking its really hot how you are a good mom (there are still so many things in this category that i could've hit that im probably not even thinking of, so if y'all like this and wanna talk about them, Please talk to me) i write in past tense for literally all of it and this is just a me thing, but that's not really my style, so things may be .. off. or maybe it's just me. maybe i'm tripping. we'll see. it's like, 4am. so.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.1k, just about (i did too much).

.   .   .   .

you both lived on the farm. it was a quiet, proud little life that you lead. a picturesque actualization of all of the little thoughts and dreams that you and ellie have had about living together, about having a family. though, parenthood was new, and difficult. there were some nights that the baby wouldn't stop crying, and both of you would take turns feeling like shit -- one usually at a grander magnitude than the other --  because neither of you would know what to do. what, am i like, a bad mom? does he hate me? you spent time convincing each other that that is simply not the case, and that this was all part of the process. that you were both new, and learning, and that it's okay.

if you knew nothing else, whether that be due to not having experienced parenthood before or the delirium accompanying the heavy set bags and dark circled ruminating under both of your eyes, then you did know that there were a few things for certain: he will suck his thumb. his cries will turn to wails which will turn to sniffles, which will turn to sighs. he will get tired. he will roll over, and coo, and will go to sleep.... eventually.

granted, while this mentality in general made things easier throughout the early days of raising your newborn son, there was still no doubt that it was.. exhausting. in every way. parenting was a constant learning curve, and it took tolls on both of you in different ways. for ellie, she'd get quiet. snippy, even, and gain a little bit too much audacity at times. a snarky remark or demonstration of blatant impatience towards something minuscule, but still hurtful. her frustration would always point toward some deeper issue that she often struggled met with annoyance first, and words second. one of the first things that ellie learned while parenting was that she was really bad at communicating. she'd find herself throughout the first three, maybe even six months, constantly finding ways to say sorry.. even without saying really having said it. like, slipping into bed when after you'd finally went to sleep, and pressing kisses to your temple. or making sure the dishrack was completely empty, so you'd have one less thing to work about. albeit she struggled to verbally explain that while she understood you were too, she was just.. a little tired.

maybe it was the sleep deprivation, or her willingness to take up most of the tasks that required attention in areas other than just the inside of the home. which.. you did have to admit, were a little bit more intense than cleaning and washing dishes. no one asked her to do all of that. she took it upon herself to do extraneous tasks, like fix the fucking roof, during the peak of summer. and you'd always offer to help, truly. but it was always no, i've got it. you've got other stuff to do. you just go play with him, and i'll be in to take over in a little, okay?

you would, at times, have to sit her down and remind her to take it slow. that the roof isn't really bothering either of you, right now, and it won't until .. october, probably. that it's okay to swap out, if need be. she can do dishes, cook if she wants (burn down the house, if she wants), clean up while you go fix the wiring of the fence, tend to the horses, whatever the fuck she feels the need to do, on top of having to do already.

you would have to remind her, that she just can't do everything all at once. and that's okay. but that's also neither of your faults.

both you and parenthood alike would teach her to .. slow down, take it easy, and to talk.

ellie would have to teach you something similar, believe it or not. your back hurt. your tits wouldn't stop fucking leaking, and ever since you gave birth, you wouldn't stop getting these aching migraines that made your ears ring. you quite literally found yourself bending over backwards, trying to do everything all at once all of the time (sound familiar?), because you knew that it was as much of your job as it was ellie's. you can change the diapers, you can pump the breastmilk, you can clean the house, you can stop him from crying, you can read him books (that he couldn't understand, yet, technically), you could do everything. and theoretically, you could. and you would, until it made you frayed, and unhealthy.

that would be enough to make ellie to step in, put her hand on your shoulder, and advise you in a tone that was about as gentle as it was stern:

hey, let maria take him for a couple of days. you're tense -- i can feel you from across the house.

despite the anxiety and the frustration and the sleep deprivation and the exhaustion, you really would feel grateful to be experiencing this trying time together. there were some patterns characterizing it that were obviously stressful, and anxiety-inducing. but there were some consistencies throughout it that were be sweet, and tender. like, running each other warm baths. sitting – either in the bath, with the other, or on the toilet, or the side of the bath – and talking in low volume, not really out of fear of waking the baby, but just to kind of relish in the pocket of peace that existed between the two of you in that moment. the affection never died between the two of you. you were always snuggling close to each other when it came time for bed. always pressing tender kisses to each other's shoulders, holding each other's hands, circling your thumbs and indexes over each other's engagement rings.

… But!

you know... i'm a whore. so honestly, what really spurred this whole thought, is the fact that .. during parenthood your sex lives would practically be nonexistent. and it's not something that either of you really notice, until one of you explicitly brought it up. raising a child -- especially raising one in an environment that you both worked to keep safe, secured, and comfortable -- is a lot of work.

it wouldn't dawn upon either of you until you both were eating one night at the table - another tradition that you did not forfeit. you managed to dance around the subject due to something entirely tangential, and then it hit you, and you said – out of pure realization, ellie, we haven't had sex in .. like, months.

and just like that, the consequences of at least 98 days of involuntarily celibacy hit you both like a fucking truck.

for you, it came in the form of .. the simple reminder that your soon-to-be-wife is really... really fucking physically flawless. you'd notice this everytime she'd wear short-sleeves, or shirts no sleeves, which was really only.. every once in a while, as jackson got colder, or whenever you both woke up. sometimes you'd find yourself looking at ellie's back profile as she sat upright on the bed, adjacent and turned from you, stretching a big, grand stretch, and you'd feel a specific heat beginning to tickle the insides of your thighs. you found it harder to keep your gazes to yourself as ellie exited the shower, muscles apparent, and glistening. her whole body was littered with scars, and yet she was still so gorgeous. it was hard to believe that even for a second you failed to recall – or be conscious of – the fact that as much of a teddy-bear as she was, you were practically dating a fucking sculpture.

naturally, you would act on your desires first. and frankly, ellie would be so willing to lean into them. 

she'd be lying if she said sometimes she didn't wake feeling a bit restless, and like there was only one thing that soothe her. she craved it, sometimes – your hands, on her. all she needed were some quick rubs against her clit and kisses against her skin to motivate her to get out of bed and feed the animals. and she was so, so fortunate to have a fiancée good enough to her to give her just that.

she dared, shame on her, to forget how good you could make her feel. ellie never really let anyone touch her, before she met you. before she met you, she was honestly convinced a lot of the parts "down there" didn't work. she could hardly achieve making herself cum. it’d take so long. ellie hardly masturbated because she’d get impatient in any ordeal that wasn’t some needy, feral 3am occurrence that left her stirring, sweaty, and overwhelmed. it was a lot of buildup for what she saw as, in the end, very little payoff. and as far as other people making her cum went? well, no one had ever gotten that far. frankly, she didn’t think anyone would get that far.

that was until she met you.

it definitely wasn’t easy. there were a lot of tired wrists and upper biceps, and your jaw did get pretty sore. her pussy was gorgeously messy. but her clit liked to hide sometimes underneath the extra skin. when you found it, you learned that it was usually, extremely sensitive. but you told her that that was okay. you could make that work.

you spent a lot of time learning all of the technicalities. what was too much, what wasn’t enough. what to say to her; how fast to rub her.

it paid off, because about a month into dating, you showed her that it — and frankly, anything — was possible. just takes a little bit of time, and patience, kisses and whispers of affirmation how about how good she feels. how good she’s doing. takes some listening, intently, to what she needs. to what her body needs. 

can feel you twitching. you want my finger right here?

fuck, yeah. right there. just like that, baby -- please don't fuckin' stop.

and once you got good at it (and you got so fucking good at it), ellie couldn’t get enough. she jokes, regularly, that that’s one of the reasons why she’s going to marry you.

ellie's voice in the mornings would breathless and empty. all bostonian accent, rasp, and nothing else. they were vulnerable. whenever she'd let you between her thighs and you placed those kitten licks across her clit transitioning into these longer, learned drags, her moans would break, like glass. her hips would shuffle. sometimes, you’d have to hold her still.

no no, fucking running. it’s okay. just let me. can you let me? can you let me take care of you, baby?

fuck. yes. yes, yes, fuck. s— sorry just – oh, fuck.

it would mostly just be wake-me-ups. but ellie's back would always be arching by the middle of it. she'd find herself gasping, and sighing, and fucking -- against your tongue, against your finger -- and gripping onto whatever, all while mumbling to gods she didn't believe in.

that feels so, so so fucking – g–good.

so fucking good to me; feels so good, babe, thinki'mgonnacum–

ellie's orgasms hit her the same way every time. hard. ridiculously hard. leaving her breathing heavy, and screwing her eyes shut while she grasped at your hand, or your hair. her thighs would tense -- sometimes scramble -- and then collapse, after a while. she became this perfect amalgamation of tinted cheeks, chapped pink lips, messy brown hair, and sticky skin. 

she was such a fucking .. painting. she's so incredible.

the plan, as she wrote it, often was to immediately get out of bed after you made her cum. but oftentimes, she couldn't do anything for the first couple of minutes except lie there, body just a sack of bones and jello. her head would rest instead of pressing into yours, or would nuzzle its way deep into your neck. both occasions a precursor to her finally catching her breath. when she moves her head to kiss you, capturing your lips in something thankful, and sweet, it is almost always grounding for the both of you.

better?

so much better. holy shit, babe.

and that's not to say that ellie would never act on her desires. she was always just a little more calculated.

for ellie, her frustrations would creep up on her in the weirdest ways. it would be.. small things. things that were, actually, probably mutual. watching you wash the dishes, even when you’re not bent in a particularly promiscuous way. watching you cook, even when she wasn't really watching you, 'cause she was keeping the baby busy. but what really did her in was watching how you handled your son. something about seeing you have him on your hip, cooing at him or laughing with him, or playing with him, or smothering his cheek in big kisses that elicited these big, big giggles from him, drove her.. a very, questionable? kind of crazy? it was pure. it was so sweet, and most of the time, it was just that. but you were so, good with him. after so many months, despite all of the struggle, you really did blossom into a beautiful, capable mother, who still held the glow and all of the weight from the pregnancy and just–

ellie would realize how good it all looked on you. she would feel.. really proud.

and it made her feel like you ..�� deserved something.

you both remember the first night she’d acted on her desires like it was yesterday. it was on the night that you two had hosted a dinner party for all of your mutual close friends and people who you called family. the dinner was a 3-week-long process of grocery picking, tablecloth finding, invitation designing, and recipe collecting. it honestly stressed you out more than it did ellie because, to be honest, she was kind of just there for moral support. it was your idea, after having had maria over for dinner once. and it was a great idea. but it left you drained – defeated from the final week of preparations, which was especially hectic. when you bathed that night, you bathed alone, a little overstimulated from the day. but you’d let ellie run the bath, though. only because she insisted on doing so. 

the soak cured some of the ache that settled deep into your joints, muscles, and bones.. but not all of it. after you'd set the tub to drain, brushed your teeth, and wrapped a towel around your body, you entered the room with an expected level of silence. you slathered moisturizer on your face, over your arms, over your stretch marks. when it came time to take off your jewlery, the rings – except the prized one – came off easily. but when it came to your necklace, your hands were simply too slippery. you sucked your teeth. you always did this. 

you eventually sighed, filling your lungs to call:

hey, bug. can you come help me take this necklace off, please?

ellie eventually would appear behind you, probably shuffling off of the bed or rounding some corner after changing and becoming into her own definition of comfortable. if she seriously complained, you didn’t hear it. you only felt her, how her hand placed itself on your shoulder just to let you know that she was behind you.

some things never change, move your hair over.

you do as asked, and hang your head. ellie's fingers brush against your skin with a kind of delicacy that makes shivers run down your spine. you lift your eyes, catching ellie's in the mirror before you. yours, heavier than hers.

you watched as she fought a smile, or a smirk. either was a given with her, honestly — in retrospect, it was most likely the latter. you couldn’t really tell, though. she’d dipped her head, eyes fixated on her fingers that fiddled with your necklace clasp.

you did a really nice job on the dinner, tonight.

suddenly, you were the one fighting the smile. you watched her, still.

yeah?

oh, you like.. completely knocked it out of the park. you did great. it was really, really really nice.

you didnt know if ellie was referring to the food, or the setup, or the wine choices – whichever. but something about the appraisal made your head buzz, like you were coming down off a two glasses of champagne (which.. maybe you were). ellie successfully removed your necklace, and yet didn’t back away. instead, she pressed herself closer to your back, and tilted her head so that she could speak just above the top of your ear,

you looked really nice, too.

been waiting for you to settle down, a bit. so i could tell you.

you probably hummed something in response, something that was probably suggestive but also thankful at the same time. it gets lost, though. because ellie bent down, and placed these slow, unassuming, appreciative kisses down your neck, and against the plateau of your shoulder. between those words and the way her hands lingered over your skin, the way she was breathing you in and drinking up the moment, and your scent, made you melt into her way too easily. like butter in a warm pan.

you exhale, like you've been meaning to for .. you don't even know how long.

el..

mhm?

you realize though, that the house is quiet. too quiet. there is a stillness to it that makes the pit of your stomach twist, and anxiety and guilt bubble in the base of it before you could even stop it.

...where's our baby?

you felt ellie grin against your shoulder. she masked it with a peck,

he’s at joel’s.

and then you felt her tongue drag across your skin. a long, open-mouthed kiss across the midpoint of your neck. she presses the padding of her tongue against tender flesh, sucks hard enough for blood to make the skin bloom, and almost -- against your own will -- makes your eyes roll shut.

the simple act -- acts rather, of ellie coordinating behind your back to have the baby taken off your hands (you knew it for a few days –  it's always a few days). she thought she was so slick. it was odd, how much relief those three words gave you,

but at the same time, you kind of wanted to be mad at her.

it was hard to, though. but you couldn't think straight, with how her hands were moving over you, over your towel. with her pelvis pressed against your ass, and her lips on your neck.

you tried,

he was fine here. everything was .. fine, ellie.

but she was so..

i never said everything wasn't fine.

i just think... you've had a really long, stressful week.

you hate how your body reacts to ellie's hands smoothing up your towel. your whole body broke out into goosebumps, seemingly trying to fit into the pores of ellie's palm, 

and i think i wanna make it better.

ellie's breath was hot on your ear, and you didn’t realize it, but your head was already tilted. your eyes had begun to flutter closed. you felt yourself, almost swaying against her. your mouth hung as her teeth grazed over sensitive flesh. her tongue pressed against familiar spots that had been untouched -- like the rest of you -- for so, so long. it was too activating.

in your best effort of defense, you spun yourself to turn around to face her. ellie’s head was tilted, her eyes were low. her breath spanned over your mouth while your palm laid flat against her chest. you stalled – shivering, shaking, suddenly caught in a rapture of toiling emotion that you hadn't felt that strongly in .. god knows how long.

her head dipped back into your neck. she pressed her cotton-clad hips against your towel-covered ones, and it just wasn’t enough. it was a lot, and yet, not enough.

your hand snaked over the nape of her neck as you breathed against your cheek, whole body feeling heavy and compliant. your knees were jelly. you could feel your clit. pulsing, and pleading. it ached as you feel ellie's hand slip over the backs of your thighs, inching under the cusps of your ass.

you needed something. you needed anything. you like to think that you had no idea what necessity meant before this moment, because you had never felt it so strongly. it knocked the wind out of you, only leading you to ask – to plead, without pleading,

e... ellie?

and she understood.

ellie’s head lifted from the crook of your neck she crashed her lips upon yours. the kiss was heavy, and deep. your knees buckled, and where you swore you may fall, she made sure you didn’t. you were shuddering, a hand suddenly possessive around the back her neck. her hands suddenly possessive and stabilizing with the grips she held on your ass. months worth of unknown tension relinquished itself in the pushes and pulls you demanded from each other's bodies while teeth clattered and bit into chapped flesh, turned glossy. moans and breaths circumvented between the two of you, and suddenly, the whole room felt like it was on fire.

she delivered a verbal command, teeth tugging at your lower lip as she half-way parted from it, 

jump.

you’d used whatever remainder of your energy to follow the simple instruction, your legs wrapping around ellie's waist like she was your lifeline. they remained around her as your back fell against the duvet, and as she kissed you so deep, your head ran dizzy and your body was left no choice but to arch into her.

you remember your hand smoothing over her abdomen, and reaching up to grab her chest. you remember sighing into her mouth over the fact that you could. you relished in the moan she released your mouth, and only returned it halfway. 

you remember gripping her and massaging her and bucking your bare hips up against her in hopes of making her make that noise again, louder. you remember how she bucked her hips into you in hopes of the same sentiment, her waistband grazing against your bair clit cauisng her to succeed far quicker than you. 

the night was filled with mind-blurring, fuck-until-the-sun-rises kind of sex. sex that you had no idea your body had needed until ellie had given it to you. your body reeled with every kiss that she'd placed over your skin – you’d watched as she peeled back your towel, and replaced bits and segments of the fabric with her lips in soft, attentive kisses.  it was hard to believe that they would transpire into messy, sloppy things. wet, tantilizing things that would trek down the axis of your body. that would hold your body hostage as her tongue and her lips worked on your clit to bring you closer and closer to your third orgasm of the hour. 

your body wasn’t used to it. any of it. it was, however, too used to and hyperaware of having a tiny human in the house that you simply couldn’t wake at this time of night.

you were shuffling, at one point, scrambling to put a hand on your mouth, or to bite your own knuckle.  when that didn’t work, you let your head fall over to a pillow while you fucked up against ellie’s tongue and bit the fabric, trying so hard not to moan. but you felt yourself cracking. 

you’ll never forget how ellie looked up at you. eyes a deep, pointed shade of green as she shook her head – mouth still attached to your clit – which in and of itself had almost made you cry. when she pulled away, it was the only time you let yourself make a noise. only because the whine that was ripped out of you was entirely unanticipated, just like her action.

her breath rippled over your the nerves as she ran her fingertip up, and down your hole. you whimpered, hips shifting up relfexivley, cunt tightening just from the invitation. nearly gushing from the feeling of her beginning to small rub circles against it, instead.

i’ve missed you so fucking much.

she dipped a finger inside of you with such ease, and no warning. a long, slender digit bottomed out inside your cunt, before she pushed in another, and made your jaw go slack. her eyes hung on yours – glossed over with lust and a bit narrow as a result of the devious smile that’d begun to overtake her expression.

she’d begun pumping her fingers.

he’s not here, baby.

it’s just us.

her fingers were so fucking long, you swore to god, you would never want a life without them in it. couldn’t bear another 3, 4, 5 months without having them in you. jesus fuck.

wanna hear you. 

wanna hear you be as loud as you fuckin’ want.

ellie emphasized her words by proceeding to fuck you faster. her tongue latched back onto your clit, rolling over and slurping at the nerves, rolling beads of saliva and your juices into and against the bundle. the sound of your cunt was so encompassing, it was hard to believe that it became the backdrop for the moans that ellie had ripped out of you. that made it into, and mostly out of, the pillow, amidst a sea of praise and bucking hips.

the next morning was luxuriuosly unproductive. ellie had only woke to feed the animals and returned to bed and slept with you until noon. she was always affectionate, come mornings. but especially riding off of the honeymoon buzz of the night prior, she made the morning after memorably tender, often pressing kisses to your forehead, and your shoulder, regardless of how awake both you or she was. she’d whisper sweet nothings into your ear, promises of how much she loved you. how she’s really glad this is how she gets to spend her life, as long as it’s with you. all of the sugary things that eventually caramelize into jokes and giggles and laughter, and that how you’d know it was time to get up.

it’s safe to say that parenthood brought you and ellie both very interesting things. it brought you challenges, and it brought you lows. it brought you highs, and photographs, and moments where you did feel like all of your hard-work was paying off, even when it didn’t seem that way. having a family meant having the opportunity to open your house up to people you who you loved. having a family meant having traditions, and things to fall back on – things that you would develop over time, as you learned more and discovered more of what you wanted. and having a family with ellie meant that you could fall back on each other, no matter how tough things got.

.. it also just meant sometimes having really.. really good sex. 

(whenever you remembered that that was something that the two of you could actually do, that is.)

[justagalwhowrites]

Bestie! I finally looked up the meaning of Halcyon. I knew there was a reason for picking that word, but it still surprised me seeing how it couldn't suit the story better. The new chapter was a treat! Why does seeing him or reading about him being a dad turn him ten times hotter? And add a sassy Sarah, and the picture couldn't be more perfect, lol! And you kept her smart as a whip, as it should! That comment about his dad's friends staying in his room was hilarious. Womanizer Joel is in the sights! Why do I feel like Goldie and Sarah will team up to keep Joel on his toes? I'm curious about Sarah. Are you picturing her with the game looks or the series?

I love how you're picturing the dynamic between Joel and Goldie. There's this mix of easily getting into their old-times routine with the novelty of who they are now after all these years, which is something else. I'm so excited to get to the part where they talk properly about what happened because that thought of Joel about how she's the reason he has a daughter really got my attention. And talking about her book. I have a hunch that Joel is in there. Am I too wrong? Thanks for the lovley update!♥️♥️♥️

AHHH Hi Bestie!!!

OK like not to toot my own horn - tbh I'm SHIT at naming things like 95% of the time - but when I was like "wait... Halcyon though" I was SO PROUD LMFAO so I'm so glad that people are appreciating it!!

And Dad!Joel? Whole other level of hot. Like watching this man dote on his daughter? Hottest shit on Earth. I can't with him, I truly cannot. He and Sarah are two peas in a pod, they are each other's person, truly. I hope Sarah comes off as a genuine kid, I haven't spent much time with kids in that age range recently so I did a smidge of research and have otherwise been winging it. But she's DEFINITELY smart! Joel knows it, too lol he's both insanely proud of it and insanely concerned about it. Like damn, he's going to have a hard time parenting someone as smart as she is as she gets into her teens! I'm picturing show Sarah and show Joel, that's just who I'm most familiar with because I've never played the games (though I've watched play throughs and looked at concept art and read things they ditched for them and and and... the hyperfixation since the show came out has been hyperfixating.)

AHHH YAY! I love Joel and Goldie. Their dynamic is so sweet to me, they are just these two souls who came of age together and know ad love each other so deeply. They're so interwoven into the fabric of each others' lives in ways neither of them fully understands yet. But I'll neither confirm nor deny anything about Goldie's book quite yet, at least on here! But feel free to DM :D

Thank you for reading, Bestie!! I so love getting your notes <3

Love you!!

[luxurychristmaspudding]

Can the new rules of the wip game be that I just get to copy and paste the entire list into your ask so we can sit cozy by a fireplace while you tell me all about them?

Fine fine. I’ll pick one, but know I’m gonna be obsessed with anything and everything you write.

I’d love to hear more about the debt that i owe if no one’s picked it out yet? If someone has, anything else that you’re super jazzed to share is something I’d be delighted for you to use the space of this ask/reply to talk about. x

🌸 M @toomanytookas

my gorgeous m!!!! ❤️

absolutely, anytime, let's do it. i'm making you a hot beverage as we speak. would you like a blanket?

i've talked a little about the debt that i owe here, but i'm very open to questions if you'd like to know more 😉

to bide our time here by the fire, i'd really like to tell you a bit about futureproof and you know me too well.

futureproof is a whole load of fun (mostly hehe). joel is an actor, navigating fame with his daughters by his side. reader is a rockstar, working on the soundtrack of his new film. he's totally starstruck by her the first time they meet, even though he swore he wouldn't be, and a wonderful friendship blooms. then, on a creative trip to the desert, something else grows entirely.

caught between the prying eyes of the press and joel's rather venomous manager, things start to go awry. can they navigate this secret? or will they be forced to leave each other alone?

you know me too well is probably the angstiest idea i have. i gave a little sneak peak of it here, but it's basically fwb!frankie and a very emotionally closed off reader. they're both ex-military, and their communication about feelings is terrible, but neither of them know how to stop now this thing has started. and when things come to a head, frankie finds he's been wrong about a whoooole lot. i'm kind of terrified of writing it because it deals with some big feelings, but hopefully it'll come together soon!

these two are probably my favourite ideas at the moment, so thank you for letting me ramble about them.

and i'd also like to take this cosy little moment to say how grateful i am for you. the time and effort you put into reblogs, how much understanding you find in what is written, is something that constantly motivates me to write. you are so, so special, and i want you to know how much i appreciate you. you're the best.

sending you sooooo much love 💕

[scarletwulfmusic]

You oughta KNow

you oughta know

i need motivation

shout out jason stathom

i would fuck liao

just give me a couple beers

and a sip of lean oh

I’m rapping real lshit

on this real beat

aint nobody taking this music

shit away from me

neither this confidence or

this rap shit

cuz i own it

you’ll have to pry it off my dead corpse before you come near it

I’m the best in the game

all y’all niggas faking leaps and jumps  man y’all so lame

I’m rocking the best beats and spitting flame

halal getting mad and losing time

I’m getting turnt and listening to HAIM

cuz they’re the shit

and so am I

is this song a diss?

i dont care 

but i wanna tell em go tell em ay

wanna tell em go tell em ay

i want to move out

i need my wings to spread out

i need to get a girl

just so i can fuck and get this nut out

babygirl id do it for love but i now that all y’all the same

and so ill never lose this heart of mine again

thats how ill stay the same

go tell em ay

“”

“”

“”

“”

even in high school i had this much game

yeah my life sucks right now, and?

i still rock even with a small cock

and yes I keep the clock with me at all times

my life’s a movie and i skip all the boring parts 

call that click son

go tell em ay 

go tell em ay

go tell em ay

go tem 

this is exclusive shit son and we doing it without a record deal my one

spit real shit and only the real shit

I’m ill i need a doctor 

call up skylar gray tell her I needed a hook

she said yeah

and said okay now lets make up cause she’s hot as fuck

and tyler the creator yo latest album aint that good

yup i said it

i was a fan not anymore

who else can I diss?

drake yo musics fire but yo style got need some changes

cuz like j cole y’all gramps is aging

and 21 savage i heard you got shot that sucks man

now hold my beer wile i take the throne and

now hype me up and ill diss some more rappers

kendrick gramps

yeah a bot couldn’t copy you cuz your bars is mad confusing

i got lost after the first word son

keep it simple and maybe you’ll get on my level ooh no

he’s at it again 

logic you seem kind of whack

i fcuk with you but i had to keep it real

no sorries tho no sorries

i promise no sorries though

kanye you’re out of touch like mid cud said you a dinosaur

oh fuck he said oh fuck go tell em

travis that new album seems like a mix of kanye from 2013 id say good job

but its the same as yeezus like jesus

man make something new

something with more color like blue who knew

what I’m saying is real shit i do bille joel do

and who next 

if i die i die like tupac said only god can judge me

and i know he’s getting mad at me so sue me

fat joe you only got one good song why you mad at me fo

i aint even know yo

but ill say this west coast best coast

and billy joel

gramps thanks for this song maybe at the top ill give you some shekels for this beat ohhhh

[ms-rampage]

Eden’s Gate: Aftermath Chapter 6 - The Man Who Sold The World

Warnings: Swearing, slight violence, some Kate and Wheaty cutensss, usage of drugs (Bliss)

Word count: 4.3k

Summary: In the penultimate chapter, Paige, Kate and Mandy finally meet face to face with Joseph Seed, but there will be bloodshed, and maybe a few sacrifices the family will have to make. 

Guest OCs: Just the usuals. 

Guest Characters: Archangel Raphael [Supernatural: mentioned], God/Chuck [mentioned], An Archangel? [read until the end]

Note: One more chapter!!! Then New Dawn begins.

*****

Another few weeks have passed, October is here and that means Fall in Montana is beautiful. The fallen leaves, the crispy cool breezes, orange, red and yellow leaves. Fall colors.

Pumpkins, hot chocolate, sweater season, blood shed, violence, and crazy fucking Cultists. 

The Winchester-Smith compound has never looked more alive. The trees on the property with their orange, and yellow leaves.

The threatening words of graffiti on the gates of the compound. Sinner. The Father. The Power of Yes. 

John Seed’s followers tried to retaliate, and avenged his death, but the Winchester family is always 10 steps ahead of them.

7:00 am. A letter arrived at their front door for the 3 females of the Winchester family that morning. From the man whom they’ve been looking for, The Father Joseph Seed himself.

Telling them to go to his church at 5:30 that evening. He didn’t say for what, or why, but they weren’t gonna let this opportunity slip.

“It’s clearly a trap” Kenny tells his wife.

“What if it isn’t?” she asks.

“Why would Joseph send you a letter telling you to go to his church?!?” Nate asks, as he pours coffee in a cup.

“I don’t know, but we’re going” Kate says.

“You two are pregnant!!” Kenny exclaims, “You aren’t going”.

“Okay! Then who else is gonna take our place?” Paige asks.

“I’ll take your place, Mandy and one of the guys can go” he replies. 

“Joseph asked us, and us only to go. We aren’t risking you two going, and probably getting killed” Kate tells him.

“What if he kills you guys?!” Mark asks.

“Remember the letter he left us? When we killed his brothers? He said that we were forgiven for all the shit we’ve done” Paige informs them.

“He could be lying!” Mark adds in.

“Joseph is telling the truth” Mandy steps in. 

They all turn around to face her, “How do you know?!?” Kenny asks.

“I spent 6 months with him. I can tell if he’s lying or not. Writing or speaking I can tell” she says.

Paige looks down at the letter, “So what do we do?!?”.

Mandy takes a deep breath, “When 5:30 comes we leave for church. Whatever happens, happens. This is where it all ends”.

They all stare at her in anticipation.

“I just got the chills when you said that” Mark mutters.

“Yeah for real” Adrian says, looking at her like she just gave him life changing news.

****

A few hours later. 

10:00 am, everyone had just eaten breakfast, Paige is feeding Cristina 2nd her morning bottle.

Kate just threw up, morning sickness and she hates it. 

She called Wheaty, and they’re gonna hang that afternoon. Not telling him about the letter from Joseph to meet at his church.

Kenny, Mark, Nate, Cody, Marty, Adrian and a few others finished putting up one of the 2 houses. Rachel is having a panic attack, knowing that Joseph knows she’s living with the Winchesters. Mandy sitting in her room, blinded by her thoughts. Wondering why Joseph wants the 3 of them to go to his church.

What could he possibly want?. What is the meaning, or purpose of this?. Is he gonna kill them? Does he want to make peace with them?. Is he gonna surrender himself? What is he gonna do?.

Paige is sitting on the front porch swing, holding Cristina while “Fade to Black” by Metallica plays on her bluetooth speaker. Humming along with the song, with Cristina falling asleep in her arms.

****

2 hours have gone by, 12:00pm.

“Things not what they used to be. Missing one inside of me. Deathly loss l, this can't be real. I cannot stand this hell I feel. Emptiness is filling me. To the point of agony. Growing darkness taking dawn. I was me, but now he's gone.”

Kenny steps outside, and sees this. A huge smile grows on his face. He takes a seat next to Paige on the swing, putting his arm around her. She leans closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He places a kiss on her head, rests his cheek on her head. 

Lightly swing back and forth on the swing. Little moments like this they love. They don’t need to go out to fancy restaurants every weekend, or a weekend get away for the both of them. 

Cristina falls asleep in her mothers arms, letting out soft nasal snores, making Kenny snickers at this.

“You know I still don’t like the plan” he tells her. 

“I know you don’t” she responds. They sit in silence for a moment.

“If you could guess what Joseph wants. What would you guess?” he asks.

She sighs, “I don’t know. Maybe make peace with us, or make some sort of treaty between everyone in Hope County”.

“Your mom seems to know a lot about Joseph. Like how he thinks, or what possibly goes through his head.” he tells her.

“Yeah, my mom is really good at reading people, even if she’s not trying to. It’s like a power she has. Growing up I couldn’t even lie to her, and I’m really good at lying, but she knew. She always knew. Kate takes a lot after her, they both try to see the good in people even if they don’t deserve it. I take after my dad, he didn’t trust anyone outside the family. Like if he was still alive, and all this shit that happened, like Rachel turning on the Project, he wouldn't trust her either. Even if she had a change of heart, he wouldn’t trust her at all”.

Kenny zones out as she’s talking, still being able to hear every word she says. He places his hand on her 9 in half weeks pregnant belly. 

“You think your dad would’ve liked me?” he asks, looking up at the sky.

Paige looks up at him, looking into his blue orbs and smiles “If he knew I trusted you, then he would’ve trusted you as well”.

He looks down at her, and kisses her forehead. 

Paige sighs, “My mom-” she says before getting cut off by a soft “mom” from the infant in her arms.

Her and Kenny look at each other wide eyed, then down at Cristina who is half asleep.

She picks her up, having her stand on her lap.

“Say that again” she tells the 11 month old in her hands, “Say mom”.

“Say mama” she tells her again, “Say mama”.

“Say dadda” he jumps in.

Paige glares at him, “This is my moment”.

“Say mama” she tells her again slowly.

“Mama” Cristina mutters her first word, very softly that it sounds like a mumble.

Paige gasps loudly, her eyes widened “She just- she. She said mama. She said her first word!!!”. She gets up from the swing, and goes inside the house.

“Mom!!!” she calls out as she goes inside.

*****

Kate went on her date with Wheaty. She wanted to go hunting, but since she’s 7 in half weeks pregnant, they changed their date plans. They decided to go to the camping spot where they first met a few years back.

“It looks the same” she jokes.

“Camping spots usually never change” he replies. They sit near the water, on some boulders. 

“So how’s the pregnancy?” he asks.

She looks down at her belly, chuckling “I threw up this morning. I’m peeing a lot but my mom and sister said that's normal, other than that it’s going pretty good”. 

“Thought of any names?” he asks, putting his arm around her. 

She thinks about it for a brief moment, “If it’s a boy his name would be either Gabriel Joel Eddard, or Samuel Dean Rhaegar. For a girl Daenerys Arya Brienne, or Lyanna Pamela Cersei”.

“What is up with you and these Game of Thrones names?!” he laughs, kissing the side of her head. 

“They’re nice names!. It’ll give them character, plus Pamela isn’t a name from Game of Thrones, and neither is Samuel, Dean, Gabriel and Joel” she laughs. 

“Don’t be surprised if little Daenerys asks for a dragon, or 3 for her birthday, or an Iron Throne” he jokes. 

“And if she does I’ll be very happy about it, and I’ll get her a stuffed dragon. One of those giant plush ones that are like 5-6 feet tall”.

They talked, they laughed, they made out. They enjoyed their time together, holding her in his arms as they watched the lake. Watching the boats, and jet skies go by.

Even the subject of marriage and kids came up on their date. Even though they've started dating back in August but have known each other over 2 years. 

She starts reminiscing back when they first met. She still remembers that night very clearly. She still has the photos. 

"I still remember that day when we first met" she tells him.

A smile appears on his face, "Yeah me too". 

"I never had a crush on anyone until I met you" he tells her. She looks up at him. 

"Really?" she asks. He nods his head, she moves closer into his arms. Enjoying every single moment of it. 

Kate knows this might be the last time her and Wheaty ever hang out again. Their last date together, and they don’t know it.

Resting her head against his shoulder as they sit by the lake. His arms wrapped around her. 

"Also I wanted to give you this" he says, getting something out of his pants pocket. He pulls out a bracelet, similar to the ones he wears and puts it on her wrist. She smiles as he puts it on her, holding her hand in his. She looks up at him, and kisses him.

***

4:15 pm Kate is still on her date with Wheaty. Her sister and mother prepare themselves as they wait for her.

“Where is she?!” Paige asks, getting annoyed.

“We still have a whole hour” Mandy tells her, “She’ll be back. Soon hopefully”.

15 minutes later Kate pulls into the driveway. 

She enters the house, “It’s about time you show up” Paige tells her.

“Well sorry!” she responds sarcastically, “I had a date with Wheaty, and I wanted to see him before we’re killed!”.

“We’re not gonna get killed” Mandy steps in, “Because we’re not going”.

They all look over at her in confusion. Mandy was having 2nd thoughts about confronting Joseph, and she made the decision not to go to the church.

“What do you mean we’re not going?!?” Paige questions her, “You literally said a few seconds ago that we’re going. Implied it”.

“We’re not going. We’re not gonna give Joseph what he wants” she tells them. 

“Mom?!” Kate mutters in disbelief and confusion.

Paige scoffs, shaking her head “Mom, this is our only chance. To get rid of Joseph. Put an end to the Cult, and kill whoever is left”.  

Everyone, Paige, Kate, Kenny, Adrian, Martin, Cody, Mark, Nate, Barbara, Rachel, and everyone else in the house look at Mandy. About 30, plus, eyes staring back at her. 

“We’re not going” she tells them, “I don’t care what Joseph wants. We’re not going”.

Paige, scoffs at her mother, “Why?. Why the change of heart all of a sudden?!?”.

Mandy glares at her eldest child, and says “You wouldn’t understand”.

Kate stops her older sister from doing or saying anything else to their mom. 

She still plans to go and confront Joseph. All the damage, pain. suffering and bloodshed he had caused. It’ll all end that evening, nothing will stop Paige from ending The Father. 

5:20 rolls around, Kate and Mandy have no intentions of leaving for church. 

The youngest Winchester thinks they should go.

“Mom?” she asks.

“We’re not going Katella” she says, not looking up at her youngest daughter. 

Paige comes downstairs, and is immediately out the door, and goes to the Impala. 

“Paige?!?” Kate exclaims, going after her. Too late she’s already driving like a maniac off of the property. Leaving behind a cloud of dirt.

“Son of bitch!!” she mutters, “She’s going after Joseph”.

They grab the keys to the Monte Carlo, and drive after Paige who is probably already at the church.

**** 

Church of Eden’s Gate

Paige enters the compound, breaking down the front gate with the car. She stops the car, exits it. Pistol ready in her holster. A few peggies on the property staring at her. She ignores them, she’s there for Joseph. She’ll handle the hillbillies later.

“Joseph!!!” she shouts his name, echoing in the sky “Joseph!!!”. 

Approaching the church, the man himself Joseph Seed steps out. She stares at him intensely. He looks up at the sky, closes his eyes and says, “And the lamb broke the 5th seal, and I saw under the altar the souls of Martyrs. Slain because of the Word of God”.

Pointing to Paige, “You. You turned my sister. You poisoned her mind with your wretched words”.

She pulls her pistol out of its holster and aims at him, “I didn’t change her. She finally saw your monstrous ways. She changed on her own”.

“Lies” he hisses, “Your disgusting words against God, and his word”. 

She turns off the safety on her pistol, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right here. Right now”. Her voice filled with anger, and violent intentions. 

He walks around her, she follows his movements. Gun still aimed at him. 

“I told you. Your mother. I told you that we were living in a world on the brink. Where every slight. Every injustice. Where every choice reveals our sins”.

Paige narrows her eyes at him, her pistol still aimed at him, not lowering it once. 

“And where have those sins led us?, Where have those sins led you?”. 

The sound of tires screeching, breaks Paige’s concentration, she turns her head and sees her sister's car drive on the property.

Kate and Mandy get out. “Paige don’t!!!” Mandy exclaims, running towards her. 

She turns back to Joseph, and aims her gun at him again. 

“Paige what are you doing?!?!” Kate exclaims.

“What does it look like I’m doing??!” she replies sarcastically, “I’m ending it all”. 

Joseph stares at Mandy, “Paige, you can’t do this” she pleads.

“Uhh, sure I can” she replies back. Rolling her eyes. 

Mandy gets in between the gun and Joseph. “No, I mean you can’t kill him”.

Lowering her gun, glaring at her mother, “What are you talking about?!?”.

Before she could explain herself, Joseph speaks up. 

“Mandeline”, his voice so calm that it sends shivers up her spine. Giving her goosebumps. 

She closes her eyes, sadness and shame written all over her face. She turns to face him. Her eyes meeting his. He stares at her with so much intensity that you can almost feel the anger radiating off of him, and the fear radiating off of her. 

“You betrayed me, my family, my flock, and God. You dare to show yourself to me” he tells her, slowly approaching her. 

“Joseph, I’m sorry, but I had no choice. I couldn’t stand by and watch everything happen” she explains to him.

He points at her, “You turn my family into Martyrs. And I plan to do the same with yours”. He walks around them, and they see their friends Mary May, Nick Rye, Pastor Jerome, Grace Armstrong, Jess Black, Tracey Lader, Wheaty, and Tammy Barnes all under the influence of Bliss holding Kenny, Mark and Nate hostage. 

“Wheaty!!!!” Kate cries out, seeing her boyfriend drugged up with Bliss.

“Kenny?!?” Paige says under her breath, “How the fuck did you get to them!?!?!”. 

“Joseph let them go!!!!” Mandy yells.

He turns to her, and says, “Your friends, and family have been taken and torture, and it’s your fault. Countless people have been killed, and it is your fault. The world is on fire, and it’s your fault. Was it worth it?. Was it?”.

“You motherfucker” Paige mutters angrily, “Me killing you will fucking worth it, and I can promise you that”. 

The followers on the property gather behind the 3 Winchesters, blocking them from escaping. 

“Kenny what happened?!? Was it Rachel?!?” Paige asks.

“No!” he mutters. 

“The others are fine. They got us, Rachel took off when they showed up” Nate wheezes. 

“Paige?” Mandy mutters softly.

“Not now” she responds, “Joseph I swear you better-”

“Paige!” she yells, breaking her attention from him. 

“Mom!. Now's not the time” she tells her.

“You can’t kill him” she tells her almost in a whisper.

She looks at her, eyes furrow, “Yeah I can, he has our friends and family hostage!!”.

Mandy looks back at Joseph then back at Paige, “No I mean you can’t kill him”.

“What do you mean I can’t-” She stands in front of her once again, blocking the bullet from hitting Joseph.

“Raphael” she mutters, interrupting her. 

“Raphael?!?” Kate whispers, “The Archangel?!?”.

She nods her head, “Yes, I was told by Archangel Raphael that Joseph had to be protected, and I was the one to do it. That’s why you can’t kill him.”

Kate and Paige look at their mother in disbelief, and confusion.

“Because Chuck spoke to him” she whispers to them, “About the end. You can’t kill him because if you do everything, everyone will die. Cease to exist. The end of life as we know it”. They both glare at her with mixed emotions. 

“You knew this whole time?!?” Paige yells, “This whole time!!. If Joseph gets killed, hurt and harmed in any way. Chuck will drop a bomb on all of humanity?!?”.

“Why didn’t you tell us?!?!” Kate asks, betrayal in her voice.

“I couldn’t say anything. Raphael forbidden me from saying anything to anyone!!” she says.

Paige lowers her pistol, putting it back in her holster.

Shaking her head, “I can’t believe you. He could be playing him for all we know” she tells her.

“Let them go” she orders Joseph, pointing to Kenny, Mark and Nate. 

Joseph stares at her, “Are you deaf?!? I said let them go!!!” she orders him again.

Mandy holds her back, “Let me handle this”.

She turns to face Joseph, and pleads with him “Joseph please, let them go. We don’t want anymore bloodshed. Please let them go, and we’ll leave”.

“Wheaty too!” Kate shouts.

“You betrayed me. Betrayed God. I forgive you for what you’ve done to my family, but that I can’t forgive” he tells her, stepping close to her, “Your family will pay for what you have done”. 

The few followers grab Paige and Kate shoving them onto the ground, taking their guns and other weapons away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!!” Paige yells, struggling.

“Get off me!!” Kate shouts, fighting to be let go. 

“Joseph, it’s not their fault!!. It’s mine. Let them go, and you can deal with me” she pleads with him again.

He grabs her shoulders, “This is where it ends” he whispers to her. Tears stream down her face. 

“You peggie fuckers!!. Pieces of fucking shit!!” Paige mutters as a peggie pushes her face first into the ground. 

“Get the fuck off of her!!” Kenny yells at him.

Tears streaming down Mandy’s cheeks, if only she was honest with her family. If only she had told them the truth. All of this wouldn't have happened. Her family was gonna be killed because of her. Her own greed. 

“When are you gonna realize that every problem cannot be solved with a bullet?” he asks her. 

“It doesn’t have to end this way” she pleads with him. 

Two of his followers, grab her. Preventing her from stopping whatevers gonna happen. 

One of his Chosen has a sharp knife in hand. Almost like a miniature machete, holding it in front of her eldest child. 

“Really Joseph? You’re gonna kill two pregnant women!” Paige yells. Grabbing the Father’s attention.

He stops them, having Paige’s full attention. He looks at her with a questioning look on his face. 

“Yeah” she says, a smug look on her face “I’m pregnant. So is my sister. She’s carrying your little brother's kid. John”. 

He looks over at the youngest sister, and she nods her head. “It’s John’s kid, Joseph. You kill us, you kill your nephew/niece, but keep in mind we’ll never be family”. 

He looks up at the sky, backing away from them. His back to all of them. “Let them go” he says. They free the family of hunters, showing them all mercy. 

“Wheaty?!” Kate cries, trying to snap him out of it, “Wheaty please. It’s me, Kate”. 

She holds his face, cupping it, hoping to get him back into reality. All their friends drugged up, blind from reality. Paige grabs her arm, “Come on, we have to get out of here”. 

She resists, shaking her head “No, Wheaty please snap out of it. We have a child on the way” she cries. The Bliss has taken over his state of mind that he can’t comprehend anything.

Mark and Nate practically dragged Kate back into the car. Her, her mother and sister in the Impala, Kenny, Nate and Mark in the Monte Carlo. They all drive back to the compound.

*****

Little did they know they’re not the only ones that have had an issue with Joseph, and the Cult. The new Deputy has had their fair share of issues with the Seed family, and their followers.

Liberating their outposts and destroying their properties. Making the Seed family look like a family of psychopaths they need to be locked up. 

When Faith took off, she went to her gate and met with the Deputy. They put up a fight against her and they ended up killing her. 

Faith. Rachel would’ve been the adopted sister to the two sisters. Rachel Winchester would’ve been her name. 

****

They all arrive back at the compound. Kate in tears, Paige in shock.

The others come out, and see all their friends alive. Their children and wifes stand at the front porch. 

“Holy shit!!” Cody says relieved, “You’re all alive!!”.

They all nod, “Yeah, yeah we are” Mandy mutters. 

“Is Joseph alive?!?” Adrian asks. They all nod in disappointment, “Yeah, the fucker is still alive” Kate mutters angrily. 

“Where’s Rachel?” Kate asks them. The others shrug, “We don’t know, she fled the property when the peggies arrived”. 

“So now what?!” Mark asks, shrugging. 

Paige shakes her head “I don’t know, we’re gonna have to-”. 

As she’s speaking, it’s almost like God himself was making a huge entrance. Lighting up the entire sky. 

A bright white light blinds them all, covering their faces from the burning brightness. 

When the bright light clears, a giant mushroom-like cloud in the distance fills the sky. 

“Oh my god!!” Nate mutters in horror, “Oh my god!!”. 

A huge storm flies at them, causing the entire ground to shake violently. Making them stumble, and fall. The trees, and land go up in flames within seconds. Animals running to seek shelter. The whole sky orange, everything is a fiery orange red. 

“Shit! he was right!” Martin screams in horror, “He was right!”.

“Damn it Chuck!” Paige mumbles angrily with a hint of fear in her voice. 

Realization hitting hard, “Wheaty?, I have to get Wheaty!!” Kate yells.  

She gets stopped by her mother and brother in law, “Kate no!!”. 

“I have to go back for him!!” she cries, trying to get to her car. 

Paige tries to hold her back, “It’s too late for him!!. You’ll die if you go back!. Kenny! Adrian! Get the cars underground. Everyone else get the children, pets and go down to the bunker”. They get the cars underground to the bunker garage. They get all their kids, pets, and all go down to the bunker. 

Everyone settles underground. Fear, anger. So much emotion in one room. The distance rumbles of explosions going off, making it sound like the king of all thunderstorms is happening right above their heads. Paige looks around the main room of the bunker to see if everyone made it down. She counts everyone that was on the property. 

Herself, her daughter, Kate, Kenneth, her mother, Barbara, Mark, his wife and 2 kids, Nate, his wife and 3 kids. Cody and his wife, Martin and his fiancee, Adrian and his wife. 

“He was right” Kate mutters, playing with her bracelet, “Joseph Seed was right, and we didn’t see it coming. God, the Collapse, this sort of thing is right up our alley, and we didn’t believe him!!”.

Paige sighs in disappointment, “It’s not that we didn’t believe him. He didn't believe us, which is not surprising. It’s that he claimed that he spoke with Chuck, and for all we know. He couldn’t been played by him”.

Kate is about to say something when a fluttering sound, and a loud thud a few rooms away throws her off. 

“Did you hear that?!?” she asks the others. The others stay back while her and Paige go to investigate it. Kate then sees a single golden, brown feather on the floor.

“Hey, look a feather” she says, pointing at it. Paige, who doesn’t see it, looks at her in confusion. 

“Where?!?” she asks, looking around for it. They get to the source of the sound, and see a man with his back to them, kneeling on the floor. 

Paige pulls out her pistol, and aims at the intruder. 

They both see the same man, but Kate sees a little more. Tattered up golden, brown angelic wings. They approach the man, and stand in front of him. He lifts his head to look up at them, and they see the wounded, beaten up Archangel. 

“Gabriel?!?” Kate mutters. 

____

When the bombs fell

Not long after (The Angels fell)

[snowbellewells]

Let the Reins Go Loose

This is a new experiment for me, but I am attempting to write a bit of a daddies bonding one shot for Wish!Hook/Rogers and David/Charming.  I didn’t do much writing that actually followed along with the season 7 storyline while it was happening. (Not that I didn’t like it, I was just doing more straight AU or imagining what could be happening with CS back in Storybrooke.)  However, if all of the realms are now joined, I could see Wish!Hook and his daughter (and Robyn) spending some time with our original cast in Storybrooke. I can also imagine Rogers/Wish!Hook and David Nolan becoming mates and having a lot in common, just as Charming did with Killian Jones before him.  So, I offer you this little bit of papa angst and friendship/understanding for Captain Charming Friday – though it’s really more of a Rogers Charming brotp (if that’s even a thing! ;)

“Let the Reins Go Loose”

By: snowbellewells (TutorGirlml on ff.net)

 Chuckling lightly, Joel Rogers shook his head in happy disbelief watching the three horses and their young riders cantering through the tall grass in the late spring meadow.  Tilting his head back to savor the light breeze caressing his face and tickling through the short tufts of his dark hair, the man both a former detective and former pirate, still enjoyed a comforting distant hint of salt sea air in the gust, even though they were some distance from his beloved ocean waves.

The other man standing just to his right clapped a strong hand to Rogers’ shoulder companionably, offering a brilliant smile as well to his new friend.  “See? Didn’t I tell you not to worry?” he offered in that deep, jovial voice, an assured resonance that allowed the former police officer from Hyperion Heights a glimpse into just why an entire realm’s subjects would follow this man as King without hesitation.  Though Dave Nolan bore none of the selfish, cruel, and egotistic traits of most other rulers in Hook’s long experience over two lives’ worth of memories, there was a certainty, a leadership, that radiated from the shepherd-king and which one inherently trusted.  “I had a feeling she’d be a natural.”

Rogers cocked an eyebrow quizzically at his mate, before turning his attention back once more to his Alice, Robyn Mills, and Dave’s son Neal, enjoying their horseback riding in the large field just at the edge of the deep woods – the marker where Storybrooke melted into the old Enchanted Forest on the east and Arendelle’s borders to the north. “And just how did you ascertain that?” he questioned playfully.

The sandy-haired deputy (part-time these days) looked more at ease than ever, spending most of his time as a simple country farmer with some sheep to tend, watched the riders loping and criss-crossing before them as well, eyes almost misty and voice far away.  He sounded thoughtful and deeply sincere when he answered,  “Let’s just say she reminds me of someone else who was much the same.”

Rogers swallowed hard over the lump that had formed seemingly from nowhere in his throat.  “Your own daughter, Dave?” he husked, voice a bit raspy while he clarified. “…Your Emma?”

David merely nodded, clearly not trusting his voice for the moment.  He didn’t meet the dark haired man’s all-too-intuitive gaze, as for the moment he was putting up a valiant fight not to shed real tears in front of his new friend – and also somehow a version of his son-in-law – at the usually buried emotions that had risen quickly to the surface without warning as he’d been observing his now teenaged son and the two young women he had bonded easily with. Somehow the ghost of his beloved daughter, whom he had never gotten to see at this age had floated once more into his mind’s eye. Though he and Snow had enthusiastically gifted Neal with his first mount, a shaggy brown pony affectionately named Cocoa and still with them, retired to pasture and often found lazing under a shade tree in the paddock’s corner with Wilby the Second by his side, for their son’s eighth birthday and shown him every detail of how to feed, groom, saddle, ride, and cool down his steed with as much delight as the boy himself, none of that painstaking care could erase the fact that he hadn’t been able to do the same for his eldest until she was his own age and a mother herself.  When he had finally taken Emma riding, it was only after her repeated, determined insistence that there was no need (probably only overcome by her husband’s gentle persuasion that ‘one never knew; it might come in handy’ and the leering jest he didn’t realize his father-in-law had overheard about the ‘pleasant bonus that the rocking motion one enjoyed in a full canter wasn’t unlike that of other, more enjoyable activities’ – to which, at his winking nod, Emma had capitulated and agreed to give riding a try) and that she didn’t require any help.  Painfully, David had to watch without offering the fatherly assistance he could have and see her frustration turn into anger as several attempts at mounting the horse led to a fall flat on her backside in the dirt and a hot, sweaty, irritated Sheriff seated in the saddle, and it wasn’t until a frightening moment of nearly being dragged by her startled horse when Emma dismounted with her wrist somehow tangled in the reins, thumped into her steed’s side with enough force to spook him and send him skittering with her still connected – his heart had been in his throat and David was still thanking the gods that he’d been lingering close enough to latch onto the spooked creature’s bridle before it could take off in earnest – and the resultant sprained wrist that left Emma on desk duty and forced to watch he and Killian take on the more physical jobs in the sheriff station for nearly two weeks, that Emma had finally accepted his instruction willingly and mastered riding.  Though he wouldn’t take back the time it had allowed him to spend with her – they had less now that Killian and she often patrolled together since he’d joined their Storybrooke “force” as a second deputy and he’d gone part-time to be home when Neal returned from school in the afternoons, handle the evening farm chores, and help Snow in the evenings as she often had numerous papers to grade along with older students and more complex subject matter – thankful for once that the princess moment he had imagined for his daughter could be somewhat recovered from the pile of so many forever lost, David couldn’t help thinking how much easier it would have been to teach her as she should have been: an eager, trusting child on a pony just her size, handpicked specifically for her, and in a world where riding was necessary and had daily, obvious use.

He shook his head free of the encroaching, unwanted melancholy thoughts at the sound of Rogers’ voice breaking through, a resigned bit of sadness tingeing his words, “ ‘Twill never really go away, will it?” Alice’s father asked softly, having clearly waited until his child had looped around closer to him with a wide, ecstatic smile spread across her face, eyes alight as she called out enthusiastically, ‘Look, Papa!  We’re riding!  Isn’t it wonderful?!?’ and then rode away again, before speaking.

Blinking, David forced himself fully back into the present, chuckling as he saw Alice nearing Neal and Robyn again and Neal attempting to impress both young ladies by galloping full speed right to the edge of the trees, only to stand on the moving horse’s back, right up to a sturdy, low-hanging branch and swing into the tree in one fluid motion. His mount was well-trained and used to his antics, merely turning when he felt his rider’s weight gone and trotting back to where Neal could drop onto his back lightly once again.  Both Robyn and Alice whooped and clapped at his antics, causing Neal to flush brightly even as he grinned and offered them a seated partial bow.

Shaking his head, David knew he should once again warn his son not to become overconfident and lose care when riding, but he couldn’t say too much, when he knew he had probably practiced similar tactics when he and Snow had taken to the forest long ago, on the run from – and then fighting back against – two dangerously powerful usurper monarchs.  Instead, he turned his attention back to Rogers’ query.  “What won’t go away?” he asked, though he sensed he was already well aware of the answer.

The other man’s gaze fell to his feet, swallowing deliberately before replying, “The regret… the sense that you failed your child, that she had to get by on her own, without you… without anyone.  And though…” he licked his lip, as if needing to pause and moisten them again, gather his thoughts and emotions before he could continue, “…though you would have given anything to be there when she needed you… it doesn’t change the fact that you missed so much – too much – of her life.”

David nodded, shielding his eyes with his hands as he gazed out to the tree line and somewhat into the setting sun.  Though the sandy-haired royal was squinting and not directly meeting his eyes, the recently retired detective could work out the real reason easily enough and took no offense.  Both of their emotions were far too close to the surface, and perhaps Dave sensed neither of them need bear the full scrutiny of the other’s eye while they made confessions held so close to the heart – not when each had possibly found comfort in the only other listening ear who could possibly understand the burden he carried.  Losing a child – knowing that child was still a young, vulnerable little girl, left alone in the world to fend for herself, when as a father both of them felt charged with protecting her – was a sort of pain one didn’t shake.  It wasn’t easily purged nor commiserated with – unless one found another person who had made a similar such sacrifice.

When the prince did speak, his words were quietly measured as though offered with much careful thought and the wisdom of experience.  “Do I ever know what you mean there,” he offered with a gentle shake of his head, hand lowering to his side before continuing, “Still, no matter how much we might wish it, we can’t go back.  None of us can change our pasts, for better or worse.  All we can do – and we can aim for – is to be here for them now; really live in the present and hope to give all they need as young adults.  There’s no way to make up for what we missed in their childhoods, but we can appreciate the moments we still have.  I told Emma that once – even if I can’t help but have regrets and forget it myself sometimes.  Life is made up of moments – good and bad – and the good ones aren’t all gone.  Even quiet, simpler moments are worthwhile, and that’s what we have more of before us now, if we’ll take them.”

Rogers nodded to that thoughtfully, silent other than the quiet affirmation, and his eyes focused somewhere off in the middle distance, partially watching his mostly-grown daughter happy and at ease, and partially in his mind or memory, in a time that could no longer be reached. “Aye,” was the simple response he offered when he seemed to return from his reverie.  “I believe my counterpart here, your son-in-law, even mentioned that to me when last we spoke in town.  Your daughter must have taken your advice to heart.  He said they’ve made it a bit of a family motto – to live for those moments.”

David Nolan offered a small smile, the pleased expression lighting his visage as he nodded along with what his new friend told him.  It was infinitely good to know he had still managed to impart a little fatherly wisdom to his grown child.  No matter how old Emma was or how long he lived, he would still endeavor to do so when he could. Even if, much like the young people they watched reveling before them, calling to each other uproariously and laughing in the gentle early evening breeze, he mostly had to loosen his grip, let his eldest have her head and find her own way in the world, it was never an easy task for a doting father to manage.

Giving one more small, pragmatic quirk of the mouth toward his new mate, David turned and raised his arm, giving the motion to come in for the evening to the youths before them, watching with pride as Neal read his signal, wheeled his steed around, and began to lead his companions back in a race across the pasture.

It was at least some small comfort to see the light of understanding in his companion’s gaze – those startlingly blue eyes displaying the same amalgam of bittersweet melancholy and gentle pride as the three riders drew near that David knew must haunt his own.  He supposed that if he must let go, it was better to have another father at his side struggling to do the same and experiencing a matching sense of pain and reward that came with allowing one’s children to grow up and fly free.  Though the time they could hold them close and shield them from the world had been stolen from them – and it was tempting to cling too tight in response – it was a process, releasing that hold and turning them loose… made all the more treasured in those moments when their offspring chose to return.

Tagging a few I hope will enjoy: @kmomof4 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @flslp87 @hollyethecurious @spartanguard @searchingwardrobes @branlovesouat @jennjenn615 @celestial-fire-writer @gingerchangeling @laschatzi @jackieorioncat @duathadun @blackwidownat2814 @winterbaby89 @revanmeetra87 @ultraluckycatnd @bromfieldhall @flipperbrain @capswantrue @kiwistreetswan @wordsmith-storyweaver @psymplemind @snidgetsafan @linda8084 @bmbbcs4evr @aloha-4-ever @scientificapricot @laughswaytoomuch @vvbooklady1256

[taciteaneremite]

COLT: *this has reached a whole new level of petty and therefore unacceptable. he knows joel won't talk to him through text or call, so there's only one way to handle this... he's showing up at joel's door without letting anyone knowing that's where he went, knocking impatiently.*

JOEL: *He doesn't have to answer the door either. Joel is locked in his room, pretty much hiding from Rammie more than Colt. But he hears the knocking and sticks his head out of the window. Actually, physically climbing out onto the roof. The surrounding of Joel and Rammie's house is mostly greenhouse and with the humidity at an all time high, the windows are open. Bringing on a generous breeze.* Hey.

JOEL: Nobodys home dipstick.

COLT: *colt squinting (TM) as he looks around, before he steps back and traces to sound of joel's voice to the roof. * We need to talk.

JOEL: Whys that. *Doesn't move. If anything that would be convenient for Colt.*

COLT: Because this is gettin' out of hand.

JOEL: No shit it is. But hey.

JOEL: At least youre telling me this stuff to my face. And not lettin folks interfere for once.

COLT: *looks around. he can get up to the roof too... watch him. he just needs to get a good start... he's got enough adrenaline going he can pull a dumbass strider move and flash step off of a tree to launch him up onto the roof. naturally, he stumbles, but he manages to land looking moderately cool.*

COLT: I don't "let" people interfere... They can make the choice for themselves if they wanna get involved or not. *looms over him*

COLT: Can't really blame them... I know we're bein' obnoxious.

JOEL: Youre being fucking obnoxious. Im just responding. *squares himself up against Colt. Glaring.*

COLT: How? What am I doin'? *MAKES HIMSELF BIG. and he's only gotten much much bigger over the years.*

JOEL: Youre just??? *gestures wildly* Rubbing it in my face by now! FUCK.

JOEL: Yeah I KNOW you have nice happy family. I fucking KNOW you three are saints and aint never done anything wrong in your lives.

JOEL: Im just a little bit fed up with your perfect life achievements and MAYBE. Think you deserve to fuck off.

COLT: *he just... looks so tired.* When the hell did any of us claim to be perfect?

COLT: I'm sorry that I'm not completely goddamn miserable anymore. But just because I'm happy most of the time, that don't mean I can't mess up ever. I know I do. Just because I wanna live my life too instead of lettin' my short comings drag me down to that dark place again-- *shakes his head*

COLT: Joel.

COLT: I know that I hurt you.

COLT: I know you're perfectly entitled to hatin' me if you want to. But I don't... I don't understand why. Why wouldn't you wanna work somethin' out?

COLT: Why don't you just talk to me?

JOEL: *Where Colt looks tired, Joel continues to fume. Practically snarling.* Why wouldnt I?? When the shit have you acted like you deserve for me to forgive you. You dont.

JOEL: You went and cherry picked who you still wanted around and now you gotta fucking deal with it. Deal with *me* because unlike EVERYBODY FUCKING ELSE. They left you when the going got too tough.

JOEL: I would never.

JOEL: EVER.

JOEL: Have let you feel like you left me. I wouldnt have let ANYBODY put me in that position. Not Mithun not Zuserk not Rammie. But you left me to shit. Thats what you DID Colt.

COLT: *he fists clench and it feels hard to breathe with the thickness in the air. naturally, his eyes start to water with frustrated tears as he steadily boiling blood causes him to snap back.* I've always wanted you around! I never stopped wantin' you around!! I've been tryin' to include you in my life, but you decided for me whether or not I should. You act like I abandoned you...

COLT: But you never let me make any mistakes! Don't pretend like "loyalty" trumps everythin' else. You think bein' stoicly present despite all odds is the same as havin' a fuckin' relationship with somebody. Well, it's NOT. You shut me out long before Little and Finn went away back on Avalon.

COLT: I had a crisis back on GG's island... And then when I married Little I made a choice. And instead of talkin' me through it like they do when the goin' *actually* gets tough, you abandoned ME. You damned ME for being a FUCKIN' person.

COLT: I've never judged you in my life, Joel! I've loved you and supported you and I tried to take some of that weight you're always carryin' around but you never let me! You never let anybody but-- Goddammit, if it had been anyone why couldn't it have been me?

JOEL: Because I TRUSTED YOU. And you threw me under the fucking BUS. FUCK. *throws his arms up, having had enough of this thickness in the air. The hard of breathing and his own echoing hurt. Joel preforms a perfect backflip off the roof and lands in the gravel below. He starts to stomp for the yard.*

COLT: Don't you-- Come back here! *GREAT. he is NOT /that/ nimble... he has to clunkily descend by climbing down if he hopes to catch up to joel.*

COLT: I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU.

JOEL: *Nope. They're taking this shit outside. And it's true the air had gotten thicker. Joel had to blame it on the overgrowth and the ever changing weather. He breaks a sweat as he storms the whole way to the yard.*

JOEL: You broke my trust ONCE COLT. Why the FUCK would I wait around and wait for you to break it again???

COLT: *FOLLOWS when he finally gets to the ground.* Is that how it works now? You disown your family on account of one mistake?

COLT: Don't pretend like this is about trust! You're just fishin' for excuses to keep people out.

JOEL: So what??????? I will be-- UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *looks about ready to tear his hair out. The tears crawling straight out of his eyes as terror grips him.* I WILL BE FUCKING DAMNED IF YOU LEAVE ME TO BELIEVE THIS IS MY FAULT.

COLT: I DON'T think it's your fault! That's not what I'm tryin' to say...!

COLT: It ain't a matter of FAULT.

COLT: I know... I know you're just scared and hurtin' but I... I can't keep followin' at your heels tryin' to break down your walls. Dammit-- *runs a hand over his face and through his hair watching joel come apart like that, his own tears springing anew.*

COLT: I still have a life of my own... That don't mean I don't want you a part of it. I just... I don't know how to reach you. If you still want me in your life, you gotta meet me halfway sometimes. I can't read your mind, I can't--

COLT: I never wanted things to escalate like this. I just don't know what to do, Joel. Please... Let me fix this. Let me make up for it. Anything.

COLT: I'm beggin' you. *his voice cracks with desperation, feeling like he's officially at the end of his rope here. he doesn't want to lose his brother, but he feels so powerless. the atmosphere is suffocatingly tense... did it get darker out, too? even with a breeze picking up, a blanket of dread is snuffing out any hope for relief.*

JOEL: *His instincts are screaming for him to run. He hears what Colt said but it's the very opposite of what his mind is twisting the truth around to be. He says it's not a matter of fault but how the fuck did he know that? It might as well be and in this exact moment as the night seems to close in around Joel, every doubt and icy fear is surging up at him all at once. Choking him where he stood as Joe

JOEL: l practically fought for breath. It was happening again. These last three years were empty, void of any meaning and it was ALL HIS FAULT.*

JOEL: *And just like that, the ringing in his ears turn into snarls. The sounds seem to come from the woods, inside, all around. Joel feels his vision swim as he breathes too much of this thick, humidified air. It's a whim when he wills the choked feeling in his lungs to CHARGE with something. Something, anything, that will break this barrier around himself. His life.*

JOEL: *It's an act of the very same violence Joel was holding to himself when he turns on Colt. Lunging by some force of will that wasn't entirely his own. With great protruding fangs that seek to tear into any bit of Colt's flesh this fever-crazed Joel could reach, neither of them will even have time to notice the green colored taint of the mist around them.*

COLT: *there's no time to notice anything, or react. not that he would even think to. he knew joel could be violent and impulsive, but nothing could prepare him for the absolutely primal look in joel's eyes as he comes crashing over colt, knocking him to the ground with a powerful thud.*

COLT: *the sudden shock reverberating through his whole body, however, is dwarfed in comparison to the sharp, ripping pain where his neck meets his shoulder, only barely missing a very crucial vein. for a moment, all thoughts and instincts surrender to the feeling and he can only scream out in agony.*

COLT: *and then it gives way to something else, as if the pain is fueling him; it's not quite like an adrenaline rush, if anything, he has more clarity to deliberately grasp at joel's face and shoulder with digging nails... claws? to wrench him off, in spite of the way it hurts.*

JOEL: *The taste of blood has him pulling away faster than anything. Colt's terrified scream and the force it takes for him to shove him off has him recoiling. Joel's whole world is spiralling fast, his senses pressing down on him all at once. The sight, scents, sounds, tastes...*

JOEL: *He barrel rolls through the dirt, eyes blown by some feverish high as he springs to his feet just as quickly. His thoughts are too incoherent for him to try to make sense of his own survival instinct. But it's enough. In an instant, Joel is flashstepping off. Bolting for the woods in a hard run. Gone.*

COLT: *joel's gone, and colt is sitting to catch his breath and clutching at the wound in his shoulder, the hot flow of blood seeping past the gaps in his fingers. it'd be stupid to try to drive himself to the hospital, but he's doing that anyway. nothing is clear right now. and as far as he can tell in this rush of confusion, none of this even happened. it couldn't have.*

[socmedsean]

Step-By-Step G.I. Joe Snake Eyes DIY Cosplay Instructions

SocMedSean - Social.Media.Sean Step-By-Step G.I. Joe Snake Eyes DIY Cosplay Instructions

I know, it’s a little bit of a divergence from my regular social media-focused content, but I’m in the middle of writing an article about the impact of social media on the world of cosplay and comic-cons, so I thought I would share one of my favorite cosplay creations. I’ll be sharing the link to the article about cosplay and social media in the next few days.

As some of you might know, I have been involved in cosplay for a while now and have built costumes for myself, friends and family.

I started cosplaying as a way to engage in crafting projects with my kids. We’re kind of a geeky family. My daughter is a big Harley Quinn, Ellie (from The Last Of Us), and Bucky/Winter Soldier fan and my son is a Nightwing, Green Arrow, and Star Wars fan.

As a result, I found that building costumes for each of us for Kansas City’s Planet Comicon was a good way keep us all involved in a project throughout the year.

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            A post shared by Sean R. Nicholson (@socmedsean) on May 22, 2016 at 8:56am PDT

My daughter as Bucky Barnes – AKA the Winter Soldier

Planet Comicon is in the Spring of each year, so we would start thinking about our costumes in June/July (post-Comicon) and we would build with the idea that Halloween would be our dry run.

The kids would wear their cosplay costumes while they trick-or-treated and we would take notes of what worked and didn’t work so we could make adjustments.

While the kids’ costumes have always been the priority, they always wanted me to participate, as well, so I created costumes for characters such as Deathstroke (to go with Green Arrow) and Joel (from The Last of Us) to compliment their costumes.

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          Our #planetcomicon crew for today featuring Harley Quinn, Deathstroke, TheHood and Daniel from Amnesia. #harleyquinn #thehood #greenarrow #deathstroke #amnesia #daniel #cosplay #KansasCity #dccomics

A post shared by Sean R. Nicholson (@socmedsean) on Mar 14, 2015 at 5:56pm PDT

This year, though, neither of my kids wanted to cosplay so I decided to start on a project that I have long wanted to do…but have been a bit intimidated by. This character is one of my all time favorites from my childhood, so I was a bit nervous to do it. Most of it was in fear that it wouldn’t turn out as good as I wanted it to.

The character of Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe is one of the baddest characters of all time. His ninja skills, combined with his mastery of modern weapons made him a force to be reckoned with. His self-imposed silence and ongoing feud with his brother, Storm Shadow, made him even more mysterious and daunting.

So…with that in mind, I decided that this was THE year for Snake Eyes.

Honestly, I’m really, really happy with the outcome.

Did everything turn out as good as I wanted? No.

Were the results of my work completely satisfying and made me really happy? Yes.

Did people keep stopping me at Planet Comicon for photos? Yes.

Is there still room for improvement? Yes…and that’s what I love about all good cosplay costumes. They are never finished and can always be improved.

To share the love, I thought I might start the process of documenting my cosplay costumes in order to help someone else out there who wants some guidance.

This tutorial has detailed instructions for anyone wanting get started with a Snake Eyes comicon cosplay or Halloween costume. I outline all of the items that I purchased, as well as the steps to create the items that I built from foam.

Please – If you create a Snake Eyes cosplay based on these instructions, send me a link and I’ll update the post with your photo or photos. Let’s document some of the baddest Snake Eyes costumes out there.

Snake Eyes Cosplays That I Drew Inspiration From

To start, I want to recognize all those that came before me and helped me visualize the version of Snake Eyes that I wanted to portray. If you don’t know, there are many options for Snake Eyes, ranging from the comic book full spandex suit to the heavily-armored, helmeted movie version.

After Google searches, these are the ones that helped me decide on my approach, which is the comic book version of the character. Some of the Google searches that returned the best results were:

Snake Eyes cosplay GI Joe

Snake Eyes from GI Joe costume

Building a Snake Eyes cosplay costume

Examples of great Snake Eyes cosplay

Snake Eyes visor cosplay (more on this below)

As you can see in the photo below, I have 5 comic books hanging on my wall at work and the comic book above is one of them.

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            A post shared by Sean R. Nicholson (@socmedsean) on Jun 19, 2018 at 10:15am PDT

In addition to this badass comic book rendering, I used these cosplays for inspiration:

Neumatic on DeviantArt

Trooper 13 on AminoApps

Snake Eyes 1 & 2 on Pinterest

This unknown Snake Eyes on Pinterest

The great Snake Eyes images on Meijin Cosplay

The common characteristics for these cosplays were basically:

Comic book character version with no helmet

Visor instead of goggles

Sword as the primary weapon

Pants

Tactical vest or armor

Important Note: This year, Planet Comicon announced that they were not going to allow freely-carried, realistic looking firearms replicas as props. The decision was made after working with local law enforcement agencies on the response to potential active shooter situations. Because the Law Enforcement Officers (LEOs) would have a difficult time distinguishing a prop rifle or pistol from a real one and, thus, identifying an actual shooter, they opted to not allow them. For this reason, I wanted my primary weapon to be the sword.

The Basics – Boots, Pants, And Shirt

Affiliate Disclosure – Before going any further, be aware the links below to the actual items that I used are affiliate links. When you click these links, I may earn a portion of the sale. It helps me keep the site going and creating and sharing great cosplays. The decision as to whether to buy the same items is completely up to you.

Let’s start from bottom up.

Finding A Comfortable Pair Of Black Combat or Work Boots

The boots I use are Black Brahma Work Boots that look a bit like combat boots. The biggest reason I use these boots is comfort. I have tried several different boots with my Deathstroke cosplay and by the end of the con, my feet were killing me.

So, after doing some research, I landed on these boots and I love them. They are comfortable for walking the con floor and they go really well with both my Deathstroke and Snake Eyes cosplays.

You don’t need to go expensive. If you find a really nice set of boots that you like but they don’t have comfortable insoles, just rip them out and buy a set of gel insoles from Wal-Mart. The key is comfort.

These are the boots that I use for both my Snake Eyes and Deathstroke cosplays

The cost of these boots is pretty reasonable. You can find the boots on Amazon or at local shoe stores ranging from $45 – $60. The boots I have are discontinued, so the ones on Amazon and your local store might be a little different. 

Trust me though, invest in your boots (or at least the insoles). Your piggies will thank you after a long day at the con.

The Shirt Needs To Be Comfortable And Breathe

Cons get hot.

There are a lot of people packed into small space and if your costume is great, you’re going to get up-close-and-personal with people for photos. Make sure you don’t stink from overheating and sweating like crazy.

For that reason, I highly recommend you look into a lycra, breathable athletic shirt. For me, I went with the Starter Men’s Long Sleeve Tech T-Shirt in Black.

This Starter athletic shirt kept me cool throughout the con, allowing for up-close-and personal pics with Snake Eyes fans.

I am 6’1″ and 170lbs and usually wear a large shirt, but I wanted the shirt to be tight, rather than baggy, since Snake Eyes wears a skin-tight suit. So, I went a size down and chose medium. It was just right and never came untucked, so I was happy. It also allowed air to flow, so it kept me cool…despite being tight.

The Pants Should Be Tactical AND Have Pockets

Let’s address the pockets element first.

Being at a con without pockets sucks. Sure, it might be canonical that your character doesn’t have pockets, but you need to carry a wallet, keys, con map, bottle of water, etc…For that reason, buy pants with extra pockets. They go with the tactical look and are functional.

The pants I chose are the RothCo BDU pants in black. Again, I use these for both Snake Eyes and Deathstroke (see a pattern forming here?).

These pants were cost-effective and have help up really well over the years. The extra pockets are great for con gear.

These pants are comfortable, light, and have extra side pockets. They also have an adjustable waistband that allows you to “let them out” a little bit if you eat too much at the con.

One note on these pants. I ordered this pair back in 2014 and they have served well. The stitches and buttons have held tight and the buckles that adjust the waist still work flawlessly. The dark black color, though, has started to fade after all the washes. I will probably be buying a new pair this year so I can get that dark black color back.

Five years for a $35 pair of pants is pretty damn good, though.

The Tactical Vest, Utility Belt, Hood, And Gloves

Now that you’re pretty much dressed, the next group of items are the ones that go over your shirt and pants.

Get A Tactical Vest That Is Versatile And Comfortable

The utility vest that I use is one of my favorite items in my cosplay closet. It is very adjustable, has tons of pockets and clips, and allows for the use of pistols and swords (more on those later).

The vest I use is the UTG Law Enforcement Tactical SWAT Vest. As you can see in the photo below, it allows me to accessorize with faux shotgun shells, grenades, rounds of ammunition, and even has a pocket big enough to carry a water bottle. In fact, in the pocket to the left of the pistol, there is currently a 16oz water bottle. Can you tell?

This tactical vest is one of my favorite, most versatile pieces of equipment.

Get A Comfortable Hood That Doesn’t Obstruct Your Vision

I went through two hoods before I landed on the right one. Remember, Snake Eyes has a visor but his mouth is visible. For this reason, you need a hood that covers your head, but allows your eyes to be open. I landed on a lycra hood with one big eye opening, rather than two, individual eye openings.

The first hood I tried had the two individual eye openings (think ski mask with no mouth hole) and it obstructed my ability to look right and left. Cons are busy and Snake Eyes already has a visor in front of his eyes, so do yourself a favor and go with the bigger, single opening.

The one I eventually went with is the ULTRA THIN Lycra BALACLAVA(Black). It was comfortable, didn’t obstruct my vision or breathing and was really, really cheap. The neck was not loose and baggy, so it worked well with the visor and fit around my chin.

NOTE: I have a beard and when I first put on the hood, my whiskers all poked through the lycra. It was hilarious, like little grey and black pine needles sticking through. Be aware that if you have a beard, you might need to shave it down so they don’t stick down.

These are the gloves and hood that I use for my G.I. Joe Snake Eyes cosplay costume.

Get Gloves That Not Only Look Cool, But Work.

Okay, let’s talk gloves.

The ones in the photo above are really cool looking and they go well with the rest of the costume. To be honest, these are my motorcycle gloves and they are broken in and feel really comfortable. 

However, I wouldn’t really recommend them for your Snake Eyes cosplay. The reason is because they have no tactile ability in the fingers…which is a fancy way of saying they don’t allow you to operate the touch screen on your phone. This means that every time you want to text a friend or take a photo with your phone, you have to take your gloves off.

For this reason, I will be looking for a new set of gloves to go with both my Snake Eyes and Deathstroke cosplays that will allow me to use my phone. The key is to have a tactile finger pad that activates the touch screen.

If you find a good pair, let me know in a comment and I’ll check them out.

A Comfortable Utility Belt With Pockets And A Leg-Holster Rig That Allows You To Secure The Pistol

Along with the tactical vest, this combo is one of my favorite parts of the costume because it’s comfortable and brings out the bad-ass look of Snake Eyes.

The utility belt is fully adjustable and has several small pockets to hold any small items like your car keys. That can free up your pants pockets for the map of the conference, panel schedules, etc…

The utility belt is sold separately from the holster and is the CONDOR Tactical Belt (Black, Up to 44-Inch Waist).

This utility belt and leg holster are sold separately but work flawlessly together.

The leg holster is fully adjustable to a lot of various leg lengths and allows the pistol to be secured according to the con prop policies. It attaches right to the utility belt in a snap.

The rig that I use is the UTG Elite Tactical Leg Holster,Black (Right Handed). They do offer a left-handed rig for those lefties out there. I’m actually left-handed but shoot right-handed, so I chose the right-handed rig.

Again…I use both the belt and the leg holster in my Deathstroke cosplay, so the investment is worth it.

The Weapons – Pistols, Ammunition, Grenades, Sword, and Scabbard

As I mentioned earlier, cons have really started adjusting their rules about realistic looking weapons. Previously, realistic looking pistols and rifles. Any realistic looking weapon has to be zip-tied securely to the costume in order to be allowed in. Freely-carried realistic rifles/carbines and even swords that could be used as a blunt weapon had to be secured.

The Pistols

As you can see in this image, my pistols were realistic-looking. Even though they are rubber dummy training pistols in an active-shooter situation a police officer might not be able to tell the difference.

Per the con rules, this rubber training pistol is zip-tied into the holster for security reasons.

So, to comply with the rules, I simply zip-tied them in. The prop check security personnel appreciated that I had done this proactively as it reduced the time they had to spend going through my gear.

The pistols that I use are the BladesUSA Rubber Training Gun Black With Orange Tip. They are realistic when unholstered, but it doesn’t really matter to me since they are always secured.

The Sword And Scabbard Should Be Able To Be Adjusted At The Con

The sword is something you really need to understand if you want to be comfortable at the con. For both Deathstroke and Snake Eyes, I used a single sword to keep things simple. Yes…I understand that there are times when both characters use two swords.

However, try navigating a crowded con with two swords sticking out to your sides. You’ll spend a lot of time apologizing to people for bumping into them with a blunt, yet pokey object. {AWKWARD}

So, for convenience, I went with a single sword in a scabbard that is easily adjusted. The adjustment part is important because you might want to sit down at some point. Maybe it’s lunch, or a con panel, or just to rest. With a sword that extends lower than your tailbone, you can’t comfortably sit down.

For this reason, I suggest you get a scabbard that goes OVER your tactical vest (rather than inside of the back of the vest) AND can be locked in place. The scabbard I chose is the Katana Bokken Shinai Foam Sword Mini Nylon Carrying Case.

It’s universal, it’s adjustable, it has clips to latch, unlatch…and it’s inexpensive. Even better, it worked perfectly with the tactical vest to lock it into place.

This is the sword and scabbard combo that I chose. It worked well and allowed me to take it off so I could sit at the con. My cat really wanted to be part of the photo.

The sword is the BladesUSA 1802PP Martial Art Polypropylene Training Equipment 39.25-Inch Overall. It was just the right length and worked perfectly with the scabbard.

One other note, rather than permanently attaching it to the tactical vest, I attached the sword to the scabbard. The prop inspectors at the con said that was okay since the sword couldn’t be removed from the scabbard.

I just passed the zip tie through the Tsuba (the hand guard right above your thumb when holding it) and through the carry strap and it locked it into place.

The Grenades

Snake Eyes is known for carrying grenades, so I wanted to incorporate them into the costume. Again, I had some from Deathstroke, so I zip tied them to the tactical vest and they worked well. Yes…even grenades have to be secured.

The grenades I ordered are the Lot of 4 Kids Toy B/o Grenades. They are plastic and make an annoying tick, tick, tick, boom sound when the lever is pressed, so that had to go. I simply removed the batteries and all was good.

NOTE: Many Cons do not allow props that flash lights or make noise. The prop check officer asked me whether the grenades made noise and I confirmed with him that I had removed the batteries. Be sure to do this prior to going to the con, so you get through prop check quickly.

Be sure to understand the rules regarding weapons at your con. In this case, the grenades could not make any sound and had to be attached to an article of clothing.

The Bullets

The bullets are a minor part of the cosplay costume, but sometimes it’s the details that make the difference. The tactical vest has a spot on the right shoulder for ammunition, so I figured why not fill it up.

The cartridges that I chose are the UHC Revolver 131, 132, 133 BB Shell Set. They are plastic, lightweight, and fit perfectly in the tactical vest holders.

These plastic bullets fit perfectly in the ammunition holder on the tactical vest.

Are they 9mm or .45ACP, which would fit the pistols if they were real? No.

Do I (or anyone else) care? No.

The Clan Insignia

One other important detail for Snake Eyes is his clan insignia. Snake Eyes is a member of the Arashikage clan, along with his brother and nemesis Storm Shadow. The clan has a distinct insignia that is present on each of the version of Snake Eyes.

Sometimes it’s on his shoulder and sometimes it’s on his sword. It just needed to be present.

I added the insignia to the front of the tactical vest where it was prominent. Honestly, I did this with black and red duct tape. I will be redoing this for the next rendition, making it a little nicer looking…maybe a custom patch. For now, this worked great.

This version of the Arashikage clan for Snake Eyes was made with duct tape. I’ll be getting a custom patch for the next round.

The Visor

Okay…if you’re like me, this is the part you really geek out about. All of the previous gear could be bought, but I wanted to make the visor myself. Again, did it turn out perfectly? NO.

Did it work well? Pretty much (more below).

Did people want photos? Yes.

Is there room for improvement. A LOT.

This was the first round and this is the biggest area that I’m going to spend my time improving for the next round. In fact, I loved the concept of the visor so much that I’m going to create a fiberglass version of it so I can re-use it without worrying about the craft foam breaking.

Which it did. Right as I got to the con. GRRRRRR!

So, if you are wondering what the zip ties are in the top of the visor, they are because the screws pulled out of the foam and the visor detached from the headband. Luckily, the fine folks at prop check gave me two zip ties to fix it.

Here we go…steps for creating a Snake Eyes Cosplay visor.

Step 1 – Gather Your Materials

These are the things that I needed to create the visor:

Craft foam

Paper to draw the template

A flexible measuring tape

Sharpie marker

Pen/pencil

Good set of scissors or shears

A sharp utility knife

Mod Podge

Small craft paint brushes

Grey spray paint or primer

Step 2 – Measure Your Head And Create A Template

The first step is to use the flexible measuring tape to measure your head. The goal is to get an idea as to how big you want the visor to be. It’ll help to have another person because you need three hands.

With two fingers resting on your nose, measure the distance from ear-to-ear. The two fingers are going to give you an idea of how far the insider of the visor will be from your face. Don’t worry…nothing is set in concrete yet. This will just give you measurements for your template.

Next, draw out the template and cut it out. After looking at photos online, this is what my template ended up looking like.

This is what my visor template looked like to start.

Tip: When you are cutting out your template, mark which pieces you are going keep and which you are going to remove. The first time I created the template, I cut out the center piece of the visor because I wasn’t paying attention. Ooops!

Step 3 – Use The Template To Cut The Foam

Using the paper template, trace it out on a piece of thick craft foam. The foam I like is from Harbor Freight and it is marketed as Anti-Fatigue Mat Set.

I use this craft foam from Harbor Freight because it is nice and dense and inexpensive. It is marketed as “Anti-Fatigue Mat Set”

This stuff is really easy to cut. For the outer edges, use your scissors, but for the inside pieces, use a good, sharp utility knife. If you place the foam on a thick piece of cardboard, it makes it easy for you to cut all the way through the foam.

Once you have the visor cut out, you should have some thing that looks like this. 

NOTE: These photos were taken during my mockup, so the cuts aren’t as clean as the final output. If you aren’t working through a mockup, be sure to make your cuts as clean as possible.

The top is the paper template, the bottom is the visor cut from craft foam

Cut The Center For The Angle

Now that you have the size of the visor set up and the foam cutout, you need to cut it in half. Yes…cut it in half. The reason is because Snake Eyes’ visor is pointed at the front. So, you need to cut it in half and then slightly cut the angles of the edges to they fit together at an angle.

Once you have it cut in half, you should be able to stand it up like this.

Cutting the visor down the middle allows you create the front angle

Next you need to do some cutting to make the pieces come back together. Just go slowly and cut small angles and you’ll do fine. Again, this is why I planned on doing it twice, a rough mockup and then the final. The final angles were easy once I had done it on the rough mockup.

Glue The Front Of The Visor Back Together And Set The Bends

Now that you have the angles cut, just use a hot glue gun to glue the front angles back together. REMEMBER that a little hot glue goes a long way. Don’t glob up the front of your visor with excess hot glue. Later, when you put Mod Podge on the visor, it will help strength the spot that you glued together.

Once the front of the visor is glued back together, the round pieces that go next to your ears are going to be sticking way out. You need to carefully bend them to where they should be and then secure them so they stay there.

TIP: BE PATIENT and let you hot glue fully cool. If you try to bend the visor too soon, you’ll cause the hot glue to release, undoing all your hard work.

To set the bends, I used a small bucket that was just about the same diameter of my head at the ears. I just taped the round parts of the visor to the sides of the bucket. Sounds weird, but it worked. Use a kickball, a watermelon…whatever has the same diameter as your head.

Apologies that I didn’t take a photo of this step. It seemed kinda silly when I was doing it, but it worked great and “set the bends” of the visor.

TIP: If you have issues bending your craft foam, just heat it with a heat gun or a hair dryer on high. Heating up the foam will make it flex easier. Just DON’T overheat it.

Paint On The Mod Podge To Hold It In Place

With the front of the visor glued together and the bends set, it’s time to paint on the Mod Podge so the bends stay there all by themselves and the front visor angle is strengthened

If you are a crafter or hobby cosplayer, you probably already have Mod Podge. This stuff is basically like white glue, but it hardens and keeps craft foam in place. It can be sanded and painted. I cover all my craft foam creations in it.

Tip: It’s called “Mod Podge” not “Modge Podge” or “Hodge Podge”. You can get this stuff at Wal-Mart or any big box craft store.

Mod Podge is great for making sure your craft foam stays where you want it.

As you can see in the background of the photo above, I set the angle of the front of the visor and then started painting it with three layers of Mod Podge, spaced 30 minutes apart. After the third layer, the visor stayed where I wanted it and I un-taped the back circles from the bucket and gave them three layers of Mod Podge, as well.

Paint It To Color

Once the Mod Podge has fully cured and the visor stays where you want it, it’s time to start painting. Since my craft foam was grey and I wanted to visor to be grey, I just hit it with a coating of grey primer to knock down the shine of the Mod Podge. One coat did exactly what I wanted.

This grey paint+primer took the shine off the visor after applying the Mod Podge.

Add Household Screen To Hide Your Eyes

Once you have let the visor dry, you should have a pretty cool looking visor that fits the shape of your head. Take some photos in the mirror…you’ll look bad ass!

One thing I noticed when I was looking in the mirror is that you could see my eyes. Since I wanted my Snake Eyes cosplay to be mysterious, I decided to pickup some window tint and glue it behind the visor.

Bad idea.

The window tint was waaay to dark and would have made it tough to navigate the con.

Instead, I just used a piece of household screen that I had used on another project. I cut it to size and used hot glue to secure it to the back of the visor. I know, the hot glue looks kind of crappy in the photo below, but no one else ever saw it but me.

The cool thing is this totally worked. I could see just fine, but people couldn’t see my eyes.

Attach It To The Headband

Now that you have a cool, mysterious visor the next step is to secure it to a headband. I picked up this Magnifier with headstrap and lights from Harbor Freight. It was on sale for $2.99 so I figured it was worth a try.

It worked….well…kinda.

After cutting it down and securing it to the headband with screws, all seemed to be good. That was until I got to the con. I made a couple of adjustments and the screws pulled through the foam. GRRRRR.

So, I had to use a couple of zip ties at the con to hold everything in place, which worked fine.

Did anyone point out the zip ties? Nope.

Did people still want photos? Yep.

Did it work good enough? Yep.

Will I be figuring out another option? Definitely.

The Outcome

Nice job getting this far. If you have read through all this (or at least scrolled through it), here’s what you were probably hunting for.

Perfect? No.

Am I proud enough of it to spend 3 hours putting together these instructions? You betcha.

And I hope they help inspire some potentially bad-ass Snake Eyes cosplays.

My Next Steps

These are the things I’m going to work on for the next evolution:

Incorporate knee and elbow pads and maybe some armor made from craft foam

Re-build the visor using a fiberglass mold process to create a REALLY amazing visor. This visor was also a little big, so I’m going to size it down just a little bit.

Create a derivative that uses goggles and a mask like this one

View this post on Instagram

"Rock and Roll told me later that he saw Snake-Eyes carry me out of the wreckage with his head still in flames." #gijoe #snakeeyes #ninja #yojoe #arah #gijoethemovie #usa #marvelcomics #militarytoys #army #toy #toycommunity #toyartistry #toyphotography #actionfigure #hasbro #hasbrogijoe #plasticaddict #winter #snow #riseofcobra #snakeeyestoy #mask #maskedman #goggles #arctictrooper #toyartistry

A post shared by Scott Pembrook (@scottpembrook) on Apr 3, 2019 at 11:32am PDT

Final Thoughts

This was a fun one to put together and I will definitely be evolving it. Better visor, a few tweaks and tunes, and Snake Eyes will be back at the cons!

If you found this helpful, let me know with a comment. If you created a Snake Eyes cosplay or Halloween costume based on these instructions, shoot me a note with a link to a photo, I’d love to see it and add it to the post.

I will also be working on instructions for Deathstroke, Joel and Ellie from the Last of Us, and maybe even some Harley Quinn (including a full bazooka) instructions.

Just for a tease, here’s a little sneak preview of the bazooka work in progress.

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          Who says you can’t build a #bazooka in your #garage over the weekend? My latest #geek #craft in preparation for the upcoming #planetcomicon in #KansasCity #dc #HarleyQuinn #Batman #missmepuddin #geekcraft #geekcrafts #instageek

A post shared by Sean R. Nicholson (@socmedsean) on Mar 1, 2015 at 2:08pm PST

Cheers!

–Sean

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Step-By-Step G.I. Joe Snake Eyes DIY Cosplay Instructions Sean R. Nicholson.

This post originally posted at SocMedSean.com - SocMedSean – Social.Media.Sean http://bit.ly/2UWrBGP