#joel's fuckin' shook but i like this because .....

[joelsrose]

Messy

saw someone request @gothcsz for a javi version and I had to write it with joel

warnings - smut !!!!

You’d stopped trying to talk to him three orgasms ago.

Joel hadn’t looked up at your face in over twenty minutes—hadn’t asked how you were doing, hadn’t kissed your mouth, hadn’t said your name once. Because he wasn’t talking to you. Not really.

He was talking to her.

And right now, his broad shoulders were wedged between your trembling thighs, his palms holding your hips down firm, and his mouth—his goddamn mouth—was buried between your legs like he was making up for lost time. You’d lost track of how many times he’d made you come. Everything was slick now—your thighs, your stomach, his beard—and you were so overstimulated your legs shook violently every time his tongue slid up your soaked center again.

Joel’s voice was rough and gravelled as he pulled back for half a breath, looking down at your swollen, glistening pussy with something like adoration in his eyes.

“Fuckin’ look at you,” he muttered, not to you—to your cunt, like she was the one answering his prayers. “So goddamn pretty like this. All messy ‘n’ twitchy for me, drippin’ like you need me down here.”

You whined something—his name, maybe—but he didn’t hear it. Or didn’t care.

“Nah, not talkin’ to you, babygirl,” he rasped, dragging two thick fingers through your folds, watching the slick stretch between them. “M’ talkin’ to her. She’s the one beggin’. Look at this mess—fuckin’ soaked.”

He groaned like it pained him to look away, then leaned in again, licking a fat, slow stripe from your entrance to your clit, moaning against you like he was tasting something forbidden.

“You make me fuckin’ crazy, you know that?” he murmured against your folds, lips dragging over your inner thigh, beard scratchy and wet. “Pussy this sweet should be illegal. What am I supposed to do, huh? Ignore her when she cries for me?”

You reached down, tried to tug on his hair, tried to pull him up toward your mouth—but he just growled and shoved your hand away.

“Uh-uh. You don’t get my mouth, baby. She does.”

And with that, he dove back in, tongue circling your clit with maddening precision, fingers thrusting into you with wet, obscene sounds, your body arching off the bed as the next orgasm built too fast, too sharp—

“She wants it,” he whispered, voice wrecked. “I can feel her. Clenchin’ around me like she knows she belongs to me.”

You were crying now—shaking, begging, and he still wasn’t looking at you.

“Goddamn,” he muttered again, almost reverent. “You’re so fuckin’ pretty, baby. So fuckin’ messy. And all mine.”

[aurorawritestoescape]

A HELL OF A MORNING

Stepdad!Joel Miller x f!reader || 4,2k

part 2 of A Step Into Hell || can be read alone

Summary: Joel has his favorite thing for breakfast. His stepdaughter.

Tw: 18+ mdni, smut, step-cest, Joel’s POV, dub con but reader’s into it, big legal age gap, dark!Joel, perv!Joel, possessive!joel, f!oral, unprotected piv (wrap it up), blackmail, premature ejaculation, creampie, degradation, rough m!oral, brief choking on cock, slutshaming, praise kink, daddy kink, mention of public sex, spanking (1), cum eating, swearing. The pics are for the mood only. Reader has no specific physical descriptions. Joel can lift reader.

A/n: This mf wouldn’t leave my mind and after such a warm welcome of the first fic I’m happy to share more of his depravity with you. I hope you all will enjoy this new story❤️ A huge thank you to a lovely anon for this request and the inspo💕 Kisses to @milla-frenchy for beta-ing😘 Ilysm! Dividers by @/saradika-graphics

MASTERLIST || SERIES MASTERLIST

There you were. Sweet thing in her little shorts and a tight top, sitting across from Joel at the breakfast table. Beautiful and hot. Just like a week ago, and a week before that. The only difference was that this morning he knew the feel of your pussy squeezing his cock, knew the taste of your soft lips, the weight of your tits in his hands. This morning you were his.

While Joel’s wife was setting the table for the three of you, you were throwing shy glances at your stepdad from time to time. Joel fucking loved it. Loved how anxious you were about what you two had done the previous night, loved how you flinched every time he spoke, scared that he’d tell the secret to your mother.

‘Honey, got news for ya. I’m fuckin your daugher. Pass the salt?’

Fuck no! He’d never do that, never ruin this thing between him and his sexy stepdaughter. Having you on a leash like that, using your holes whenever he pleased was a gift. You belonged to him and he was going to do everything to keep owning you.

Joel felt like the luckiest man on the planet when his horny thoughts were interrupted by your mom.

“My head’s killing me. I’m going back to bed,” she complained after taking a sip of her coffee and then left the two of you alone in the kitchen.

Fuck. Yeah.

Joel bricked up in a second. His cock was already throbbing in his jeans from all the memories of the previous night that had been flashing in his mind as soon as he had woken up that morning. He’d jerked off in the shower, eyes closed, head full of images of his stepdaughter, coming on his fingers, his cock, her dildo. Thanks to you, his spank bank was full for months ahead but did he even need it when he had a real thing to corrupt and fuck?

After his wife went upstairs, his stiffness began to ache in anticipation. He got a mild kick out of it because he knew that the remedy was sitting right in front of him. Tight magic hole of his stepdaughter was within arm’s reach.

What a sight you were! Eyes downcast, chest heaving, you knew damn well what was going to happen. Maybe even wished for it. Joel had no doubts what a little slut you were. Surely you were excited about a good ol’ morning fuck just like he was. And Joel was ready to oblige, storing a thick breakfast sausage for his favourite girl.

“Ya know what I always wanted to do since you moved to mine?“

A shiver seemed to run over your whole body when his voice broke the ringing silence in the room and you saw your stepdad get up and plop into a chair next to you. You smelled good, sweet and flowery, and Joel began salivating like a hungry wolf over a bunny.

You looked up at him and shook your head.

“Wanted to eat ya out,” Joel replied and poked the wooden surface of the table with his thick finger. “Right — poke— here — poke.”

His heavy gaze fixed on you, he sneered at the way you squirmed in your seat and kept pressing your naked thighs together.

Gah! The horny slut was already soaking her lil shorts.

Joel had an hour or so before his wife would wake up and he was going to use every single second to play with his stepdaughter.

“Did you like your dickin down yesterday?”

You bit your lip, eyes fixed on your lap. Then you whispered, probably scared to be heard by your mother.

“Joel. It’s so fucked up.”

“What is, sweetie?” Joel cooed, scooting closer to you with his chair. “The part where you made recordings of your stepdad fuckin your mom? Or the part where you came hard stuffed full of my dick and your pink rubber cock? Aw, look at you squirmin, ya pussy achin?” he chuckled and pressed, ”What’s exactly fucked up? Tell me.”

“All of it.” Your voice was barely heard. Poor thing must be so confused, terrified, Joel thought. He almost felt sorry for you but the lust immediately took over and he put his bear palm on your naked thigh.

“Yeah, I reckon ya right. But what’s done is done. If hell exists we’ll be there together, babydoll. So let’s have some fun when we still can, yeah?” He roughly squeezed your thigh and you shook your head, looking elsewhere but him.

“Don’t you forget, missy, you have no other choice,” Joel reminded you with a dark smile and leaned forward, his breath fanning your cheek. Your gaze snapped up to his and your pupils dilated when his face got close.

“Ya scared we’ll get caught? I get it.” Joel’s hand slithered higher, inching closer to your covered pussy. “Don’t worry. I’m always careful. If I’m fucking you, means the coast is clear. Relax and enjoy the ride, yeah? And if by some wild chance we’re caught, come up with a lie. No offense but your mom ain’t the brightest. You’d be full of my cock on the couch and she’d think we’re just cuddlin.”

Joel took a sharp breath through his teeth.

“Fuck! why do I get so hard jus’ thinkin about it? Do I want her to watch me fuck you? What do you think?”

You scrunched your pretty nose but Joel didn’t fail to notice your squirming, your glossy eyes, your hardened nipples, tenting your top. He was happy to make you crazy for his cock and his dirty talk was working. Your body was succumbing to his horny taunting, but your mind was still fighting the inevitable.

“Stop it, please,” you begged, shaking like a little chihuahua. Your fear was making you tremble, but you were needy just as much as he was. A devilish smirk twisted Joel’s face as he continued,

“Let’s watch movies together. Every few days. We'll call it ’our bondin time’. You’ll be sittin snugly next to me on the couch. I’ll play with your pussy under a blanket, uh? You’ll try not to moan like a whore.”

“She’s not that stupid, Joel.” Your gaze got fiery, tone annoyed. Joel narrowed his eyes. Were you getting angry at him for tormenting you or at your mother for keeping you from getting railed by your stepdad on every horizontal surface in the house?

Smirking, Joel leaned back and spread his thighs wider. His cock was thumping in the confines of his jeans and he began palming it to get some relief.

He was torturing himself too, turning both of you to the max with his talk, but for sure the pay off was going to be worth it.

“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t be that ballsy,” he rubbed his scruffy cheek as he spoke, “Damn, if I could tell everyone I’m fuckin your little cunt. Dream! Using your holes in the open. You’d be cockwarming me at the first poker night I hosted.”

Joel loved when your breath hitched.

”Imagine Tommy’s face when he sees my sweet stepdaughter creamin ‘round my cock in her short skirt. I’d love to show you off, babydoll. You’re a ten.”

Your eyes clouded up, fixed on the coffee mug in front of you, and you slowly licked your lower lip. You seemed to be imagining the picture he was painting and Joel knew that you loved what you were seeing in your little cock-obsessed head.

Joel snapped his fingers and you jerked, waking up from your depraved daydreaming.

“Ya were a good girl for me yesterday but here are my rules.”

Your glossy eyes were blinking at him as you mumbled,

“Rules?”

You looked so confused like there was no thought in your pretty head whatsoever. Hell! He wanted to fuck that head.

“Yeah. My house, my rules, sweetie. First. No panties allowed. I wanna know your pussy is free to play whenever I want. And ‘s hot to know that you walk around like that.. ready for daddy to use.”

“Ohh..ok,” you looked down and he saw a little smile dance on your lips. Joel’s face got dark.

“Ya wearin any now?”

You shook your head, your head still down.

“Good girl,” Joel smirked and slapped his thigh with a palm. His chest expanded thinking you’d done it for him and then his mind short circuited.

Almost holding his breath he asked,

“Ya still leakin me?”

Your gaze darted up as you murmured, “I don’t know.”

“Check. Now.”

His tone wasn’t leaving any room for discussion so you brought your hand to your shorts. Joel couldn’t wait to see it. His hand was palming his giant hard-on which was beating hard against his thigh when he saw your hand disappear in your shorts and you moaned softly.

“Two fingers. Stretched you good yesterday. Fuck yourself a little for me. Gather everything you can.”

You locked eyes with him, gaze foggy, while your digits were working your pussy. Joel cupped your cheek and stroked your face with his calloused thumb.

“Such a good slut for daddy.”

He saw you breathing faster as your hand was picking up the pace between your legs.

“Stop! Makin you come’s my job. Pull ‘em out.”

You retrieved your fingers and you both saw them glistening in the light of the morning sun.

Joel took your hand and you gasped when he shoved your fingers into his mouth. He licked them clean, humming at the taste and smacking his lips like a fucking TV chef.

“Yeah, delicious pussy … what’s that undertone? Ah! My jizz!“

Joel’s smile was full of lust and triumph.

“Your little pussy kept some of daddy’s milk. I bet she wants me to fuck it deeper into you. But I need a better taste first. Get up.”

Joel made you stand between his spread thighs and shoot his blown eyes up at your face as his hand grabbed your pussy and he began kneading your soft mound and folds with his thick fingers. His movements were possessive, harsh, but still pleasant, judging by your expression - lips parted, eyes hazy, ready to roll back any second.

“Now the second rule. No boys in this house or anywhere else. You can fool around with your girlfriends if ya into that, I don’t give a fuck, but I don’t want any dicks around her, ya hear me? I want your pussy hungry for cock. My cock.”

Joel’s dick was unbelievably hard, trying to poke out of his jeans. ‘Fuck it! I’m in my own house. If I wanna pull the shlong out I will,” Joel thought and unzipped the fly with a carnal smile. His cock jumped out as soon as it was free and bobbed, looking engorged and ready to explode. But after tasting you, Joel craved more.

He spread his thighs wider, noticing the way you darted your eyes down to get a peek of his length.

“Miss it, babydoll? haven’t seen him all night, yeah?”

Joel pulled you closer by your hips, leaned down and pressed his nose right into your clothed mound.

You gasped and grabbed him by the shoulders, trying to steady yourself.

“What are you…?” the only thing you had time to say before a moan escaped your lips when Joel’s hot tongue licked your pussy over the thin material of your cotton shorts. They soaked in his saliva in a second and through the wet fabric he could easily feel your pulsating clit under his tongue. He was sure you felt his hot muscle there too by the way you fluttered your eyes shut and bit your lower lip.

For a few moments he kept kneading your asscheeks and licking over your shorts, soaking them and turning you on more and more.

Then your eyes snapped open and you looked at the door. Joel parted from your clothed pussy for a second to reassure you,

“Don’t worry, baby. There’s a squeaky step at the top of the stairs. I’ll know she’s comin.”

His words seemed to relax you a little and you held onto his shoulder tighter, trying to sway less under Joel’s hungry groping.

And his hunger was getting unbearable.

“Hop on the table, little slut.” Joel’s chin and mustache were glistening with his saliva. His voice was gruff and impatient. You did what he said, like a good girl, and your stepdad lifted your hips and pulled your shorts down, exposing you. In a second they were lying on the floor. The next command sounded like a growl as Joel sat closer to you in his chair.

“Feet up.”

You obediently placed your feet on the edge, hands planted behind you on the table. “Hey there, beautiful. Daddy’s ready to play.”

The sight of your cunt was driving Joel mad. Like a starving man, he buried his nose between your wet folds and took a big whiff off your drenched pussy. He’s never smelled anything hotter and groaned at the scent. You were so wet he could drink you for hours and he didn’t see any reason not to start. His hot tongue began sliding all over your cunt, gathering your slick off every crevice and fold, slurping and licking with obscene noises. Joel spread you open with his thick fingers so he wouldn’t miss a drop of your tangy nectar and his eyes were closed as he groaned against your perfect cunt.

When he opened his hazy eyes an image of you— jaw slack, chest and belly heaving, lashes fluttering- almost made him jizz all over your thighs. You looked gone, absolutely overdosed on pleasure.

Joel had to stop. The taste and the feel of your little cunt sent his cock and balls into a frenzy and he had planned to pump you full.

But when you looked at him and whispered a quiet ‘daddy, please’, his mouth as if by itself latched onto your crying pussy and he continued sucking, licking, nibbling on your folds and clit. You raked your fingers through his curls, scratched his scalp with your nails, and Joel moaned into your heat. He’s never been so horny in his life, never wanted anyone so strongly and it felt like he might have died if his balls weren’t drenched soon. His cock was leaking rivers of pre-fuck juice but Joel wanted to last, wanted to come inside you again.

“Want daddy’s tongue in your hole, baby?” Joel asked, brushing your puffy clit with his thumb and taking in the sight of you. You were longing for a release and it didn’t surprise him when you nodded eagerly.

“No, tell me. Wanna hear it.”

“Please, fuck me with your tongue, daddy,” you murmured and your blown puppy eyes and a thirsty- slut expression sent his tongue right into your flattering hole. Joel moved his head back and forth, reaching with his thick tongue as deep as it would go, lapping off your slick that was flowing out of you generously. His hands were kneading your thighs, until one snaked up to your chest and under your top. He found your soft tit and began groping and squeezing it while his tongue was thrusting into your tight hole.

Joel’s plans crushed when you started coming. Your walls began clamping on his tongue, your legs trembling, but what caused his misfire was your needy ‘daddy—daddy— ‘m coming— ahhh’. That and the sight of your face all ecstatic and sexy made him thrust his hips up, his balls drew up and his cock began spurting cum all over the place like a damn volcano. Growling and cursing through his teeth, Joel grabbed it by the base, trying to minimize the damage but all in vain. His creamy jizz landed on your thighs, your twitching clit, puffy folds, his neck, his jeans and the table. It was a fucking mess.

When Joel stopped coming, he pushed his sweaty hair back with his hand and leaned back on the chair. Panting, you placed your feet on the floor and stood up on your shaky legs in front of him. Joel’s cum was sliding down your thighs so you padded to the counter and grabbed a paper towel. You cleaned yourself up, then came back and handed some to Joel. But he kept sitting, watching you, legs spread, cock softening but still huge resting on his left thigh.

“Bad girl.”

“Hm?”

“Made me come without stickin it up your pussy.”

“I —Joel, I didn't do anything.”

“Bullshit.” He was fuming. He hadn’t busted a nut like that since he’d been a teen. Fucking embarrassing.

You needed to be punished.

“On your knees. Lick it up.”

“Joel..”

“Lick. It. Up.” His tone was cold.

He saw you swallow loudly, eyes full of fear of the steel in his voice. He didn’t pity you at that moment, his hunger for you had been temporarily satiated and everything he felt then was the desire to possess, control, bend your will to his.

The sight of you kneeling between his legs put a dark smile on his face, and when you swiped your little tongue over his hairy thigh, gathering the spilled cum, it morphed into a grin.

”Everything, babydoll,” he commanded and leaned forward to grab his mug off the table. The coffee was lukewarm but it would do, he needed to rehydrate after busting such a big load. The load you were eating off his soft cock right that moment.

”Bon appetit, little whore,” Joel gloated, sipping his drink, as you were working on cleaning him, your eyes fluttering shut from time to time. You were swallowing his jizz again and again, your tongue soft and hot, and soon Joel began enjoying not only your humiliation, but also the sensation of your gentle tongue dancing over his dick, his balls, his inner thighs.

Joel was chewing on his lower lip, eyes blown, as his cock was waking up.

You were pulling away from his hardening length but suddenly Joel‘s strong hand pushed your head down, spearing your mouth with his cock.

Joel’s fat tip hit the back of your throat and you gagged. Your nails sank into his thighs, teary eyes snapped up to his face with panic, as he was making you choke on his thick dick.

“What is it, babydoll? Ain’t used to huge shlongs, uh? ‘s ok, we’ll train ya,” he cooed, bringing the mug to his lips. He took a sip and then let you free. You coughed, wiping your chin with the back of your hand and glaring at him.

Joel put the mug back on the table and his hand, wrapped around your upper arm, pulled you up on your feet.

While you were still catching your breath, Joel manhandled you down onto his lap. You whined but didn’t fight it. The sensation of your wet pussy pressed to his crotch, your juicy naked ass on his thighs injected a new shot of arousal into his veins.

“Daddy’s back in business, sweetie. C’mon, sit on ‘im.“ Joel lifted you up slightly and then, holding his cock at the base, slid the leaking head between your soaked folds, searching for heaven.

“Bull’s eye,” he chuckled when his fat tip caught on your sloppy entrance.

“Make her eat him—bet ya pussy’s hungry — yeah—hnggg”! he grunted, feeding your cunt his dick in one go. You arched your back and softly whimpered.

“Still tight as fuck. Shit.”

You were sitting on his length fully, warm and wet, and Joel’s arms snaked around your body, caging you in, keeping you close.

“Damn, this cunt of yours… fuckin made for me… to milk my cock… to drive me crazy.”

All you could muster to reply was a moan which came out louder than Joel expected.

“Fuck,” he growled and crashed his mouth against yours, his big hand on the back of your head. You didn’t fight him, maybe it would have been hot if you’d done a little, but your submission, your desire for his cock, was feeding Joel’s ego, making him throb harder, grow faster inside you.

Kissing you, he felt your pussy thump around him, squeeze his already stiff shaft tighter with every beat of your fluttering heart.

“Ride me, ride my dick,” Joel groaned, parting from your whimpering lips, and almost choked when you began moving up and down, slowly first, helping yourself with your hands planted on his broad shoulders and then picking up the pace. His bear paws were kneading your ass, lifting you up in assistance while your walls were massaging his cock just right.

“Yeah—she’s somethin, babydoll— best pussy I had— swear—fuckin hell.”

You seemed to love bouncing on your stepdad’s dick. With sweat covering your forehead, you were glowing in the sunlight. If Joel were romantic he’d compare you to an angel. But he was a lust-driven, immoral asshole so he barked,

“Lovin it, horny slut?”

You didn’t reply, already cock dumb, too concentrated on your upcoming release. Suddenly you leaned forward and nuzzled his neck. Joel felt your tongue dance over his skin and he realized that you were licking off the cum left there.

“Good fuckin girl,” he praised you with a chuckle. “Ain’t even need to tell ya.”

Joel’s head fell back and his jaw got slack as you were kissing his jaw and neck, still riding him. When you pulled back, your lips and chin glistening, Joel dropped his head to watch your cunt swallow his shaft again and again. Your cream was gathering on the base of his cock and covering his coarse pubes.

Your movements were getting hectic, desperate, and Joel was ready to come too.

“Milk daddy again, babydoll. Make it right this time. Let me fill ‘er up.”

You pressed your body close to his with need and after moaning ’Daddy’ into the crease of his neck began shaking on his cock, squeezing it, pulsating, gripping it tight.

It sent Joel right over the edge and his dick spat a long rope of cum into your core, then another and another. He grabbed you by the waist and started moving you up and down, prolonging your orgasms, fucking his cum deeper. He wanted it inside you forever, claiming you, marking you, making you his. Joel squirted the final rope with his arms under yours, his hands pressing on your shoulders, pushing your whole body onto his cock. He emptied his balls to the last drop and you accepted his load moaning and whimpering.

Joel slouched in the chair, exhausted but satisfied, and you rested on his chest. A few moments later Joel looked at his watch and croaked, getting your attention with a light spank over your ass,

“C’mon up, sweetie. She’ll be up soon.”

Joel helped you to get up and cleaned his cum off the table with the paper towel. You weren’t helping. Standing by Joel, you looked drunk, your legs shaking. Your stepdad smirked after assessing your look and helped to put your shorts back on.

“Damn. Lookin like after a gangbang. Can you walk?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled and stumbled to the door, like a deer that recently learnt how to walk. Joel furrowed his brows. Your mom would definitely ask what had happened to you. Hopefully she wouldn’t see you sneaking up to your room.

Unfortunately, Joel’s luck ran out. He heard a squeak.

Fuck!

In three big steps Joel reached you and took you in his arms, bridal style. You gasped and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Follow my lead,” he said under his breath and carried you out of the kitchen.

“Oh my god, what happened?!” his wife exclaimed, frozen in the middle of the stairs.

“She hit her toe, honey. Clumsy girl. Don’t worry. I’ll help her up to her bedroom.”

You were nodding, looking sad, and Joel smirked in his mind. Little slut was ready to lie.

“Is it broken?” Your mom’s voice was worried.

“No, just hurts,” you replied with a shaky voice, ”I’ll be fine.”

Joel hurriedly walked up the stairs, carrying you in his strong arms, leaving you mother behind.

”Don’t worry, honey. I’ll get her everything she needs.”

“Thank you, Joel,” he heard his wife say on her way to the kitchen. Hopefully she won’t notice the scent of sex and cum there, Joel thought.

He shut your bedroom door behind him with his foot, carried you to the bed and laid you down.

“What did I tell ya? She’ll believe anythin,” he smirked, standing by the bed, his hands on his hips.

You smiled a little and leaned against the headboard with a sigh of relief.

Joel’s gaze slid down from your tired looking face to your shorts. An idea of pushing his cum back into your soft hole with his fingers flashed in his mind. No! He needed to return to the kitchen and reassure your mother. God forbid she’d come up to check on you and notice all the cum stains on your clothes.

“We had fun, uh, beautiful?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled.

“Wasn’t talkin to you,” Joel gruffed before bending down and petting your pussy over your shorts. You scuffed and Joel barked a loud laugh.

Then he left your bedroom with a wide smile on his face and thoroughly drained balls.

Thank you for reading! Comment and reblog if you enjoyed the fic!<3

MASTERLIST || SERIES MASTERLIST || stepdad Joel drabble || more step family naughtiness

Tag list:@milla-frenchy @harriedandharassed @iamasaddie @nervousmumbling @bbyanarchist @stevie75 @puduvallee @auteurdelabre @mountainsandmayhem @senoratess @flamingochick55 @theoraekenslover @schnarfer @mermaidgirl30 @staywildflowahchild @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @evolnoomym @keylimebeag @joelmillerisapunk @pascaltesfaye @fruityreads @itwasntimethatdidit40

People who might be interested @toxicanonymity @she-could-never @kiwiharrykiwi @joelalorian @tateypots @magpiepills @pedroswife69 @megangovier @baroness @witchofthedeepwoods

[sanarsi]

I am so FUCKIN HORNY for old!Joel Miller

old!Joel Miller who could be your grandpa and yet you couldn’t contain your excitement when you looked at him. All you could do was squeeze your legs tighter as your clit started to throb and your face started to get hotter.

old!Joel Miller who saw how you looked at him and at first couldn’t even imagine that the sight of him turned you on. He pushed it out of his head for a long time because you were too young to appeared in his wet dreams or when he jerked off in the shower.

old!Joel Miller who doesn’t even know how on earth you managed to force him to return your greedy kisses while his hands gripped your ass possessively. Like—really. He just found himself in this position without even remembering what he had done before.

old!Joel Miller whose cock got as hard as ever after just a few of your rubs. He didn’t even know he was still capable of something like that at that age, and yet, it was enough that you appeared, full of life, young and so fucking horny, for his body to feel like it was in its 20s again.

old!Joel Miller who almost had a heart attack when you fell to your knees in front of him and started unbuttoning his pants like you had been starving for months. Of course you were too busy getting to his cock to notice how he could barely catch his breath, having to brace himself against the wall.

old!Joel Miller who was in heaven when you started acting dirty. You didn’t care about anything and didn’t want to wait, you just grabbed his cock at the base, spat on it and pumped it a few times before shamelessly swallowing it whole, choking on it but not moving away even an inch.

old!Joel Miller who watched in disbelief as you swallowed him over and over without a moment’s pause, gagging on him, drooling and making the wildest sounds he had ever heard. He could come from the sight alone, but then there was your mouth, which were so damn soft and not ruined, that he had to stay focused so as not to cum down your throat.

old!Joel Miller who gently ran his fingers through your hair while whispered “’s right, all in.” “What a filthy little girl you are. Takin’ daddy’s cock like you were made f’ me.” And he just watched as the corners of your mouth turned up into a smirk and your teary eyes looked at him as if pleasing him was a reward for you.

old!Joel Miller who was throbbing, getting harder by the second and growling like he was fighting for his life as his cock slammed into your throat. And you just pulled away, continuing to pump him in your hand and with a voice full of desire you whispered, “On my face. Milk my face, daddy.”

old!Joel Miller who actually had a heart attack and shook your hand off, took his cock himself and growled, “Behind your back,” and watched as you obediently carried out the order before exposing your pretty face to him, sticking out your tongue and waiting for every drop of him.

old!Joel Miller who was pumping his cock and holding the orgasm to the last moment until he exploded, moaning loudly and cumming all over your face. And you just closed your eyes with an even louder moan and let his hot cum flow down your throat, hair and cleavage, finally licking everything from your lips and purring as if his bitter salty taste was an aphrodisiac.

old!Joel Miller who from that day on couldn’t look at you but also couldn’t resist when you knocked on his door wanting more.

[justagalwhowrites]

The Savage and the Sanctuary: Ch. 9 - Starlight

You officially become Starlight and Joel reckons with your life in the spotlight. A continuation of The Savage and the Sanctuary, a no outbreak TLOU story, from the prologue through chapter 8 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

CW: Canon-typical violence; panic attack/PTSD response; attempted kidnapping. No use of Y/N. Whole fic will be explicit so minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 12k

Fic Masterlist | Masterlist | AO3 | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“You sure this is a good idea?” Joel asked, arms crossed over his chest, his jaw tight as he watched you from across the small room.  

“Joel,” you looked at him, almost amused, from your spot on the couch. “What do you think they’re going to do? Delay the casting announcement that’s been planned for months for a movie with a $210 million price tag because I want a personal day?” 

“You’re the fuckin’ star,” he said. “So… yeah.” 

You pressed your lips together, stifling a laugh. 

“It really doesn’t work that way,” you said. “Sorry to disappoint.” 

“Yeah, well,” Joel grumbled, turning to the craft services table that had been set up in your green room. “Maybe it should.” 

He got a plate and piled it with a small sandwich, slices of cucumber, baby carrots and celery before spooning hummus onto it and grabbing a can of Diet Coke, which made you frown. You’d never once seen him drink Diet Coke. 

But he didn’t go to drink it himself. Instead, he closed the short distance between you, handing you the plate before opening the soda and setting the can down almost forcefully on the table beside you. 

You frowned, looking up at him, brows raised. 

“You’re not puttin’ on that damn suit,” he said, nodding to the plate. “And I was awake before you, I know you ain’t eaten anything today.” 

You resisted the urge to smile but felt your lips tugging up at the edges all the same. 

“You like me,” you teased. He rolled his eyes. “Look at you, getting invested.” 

“Just been around you too much,” he muttered but he smiled ever so slightly, too. “Bound to stick eventually.” 

You let yourself smile fully then, taking a bite of the sandwich as Joel shook his head, clearly trying to not look happy about anything at all. 

Something had changed in your relationship with Joel the day before. You could almost feel it happen, the shock of connection and understanding when you’d asked him to break into Henry’s office and he’d just done it. He didn’t question it, he didn’t even hesitate, he just busted the man’s door down and protected you in the aftermath. The way he’d touched you in the elevator, the way he still looked at you like you were a person after you told him about the shit you were most ashamed of, it felt like he cared about you. Not the strange version of yourself you made for the world but the real you and it was the first time it seemed like someone who wasn’t Justice or Elise or Ellie or Anna had done that in so, so long. What’s more, he made you feel like you were worth caring about. Like there was something inside you, something about you, that was worth the effort. That feeling made your heart beat faster and your head get light and you knew that was stupid, that you should avoid feeling like that about your bodyguard as much as you could but you couldn’t resist it. It felt too good, caring about him and knowing that he cared about you, too. 

He had gotten up before you that morning. You found him in the kitchen when you forced yourself to get up, skipping your usual morning workout because - although you’d slept well and hadn’t shot anything the day before and it had been a short day - you were exhausted. It was a sort of tired that had settled heavily into your body, weighing down your limbs and fogging your mind. You more trudged through the house than walked, not able to fully pick your feet up. But you were surprised to find coffee ready made and waiting for you when you got to the kitchen, Joel sitting at the breakfast bar with a mug in front of him. 

“Morning,” he said, watching you. 

You froze, blinking at him for a second. 

“Morning,” you said back, your tongue thick in your mouth. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, looking you up and down but not in the way so many men did, not like he wanted to break you down and consume you. 

You shrugged. 

“Fine,” you said before pulling your gaze from him and going to pour yourself a cup of coffee. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Just…” he paused. “Seemed like you might not be. After… you know.” 

“Oh,” you said, not sure what to say to that. You took a sip of coffee. “Well… I still have a convention to get to.” 

“That a good idea?” He asked, frowning, watching you. 

You watched him back for a moment, something so unsettlingly honest about how he was looking at you.

“Maybe not,” you said after a moment. “But you gotta do what you gotta do, right?”  

He kept watching you, like he thought you might take it back and maybe that was because you wanted to, his jaw clenched, before he sighed. 

“Shit goes sideways, we leave,” he said. “And I don’t just mean some jackass tries to break your arm again, I mean if you have a panic attack or that… that fuckin’ asshole shows up, we go. We clear?” 

“You can’t just try to whisk me away from all my problems,” you said, smiling a little sadly. 

“I know,” he said, open and almost vulnerable. “I know you can handle yourself and lord knows you know this world a hell of a lot better than I do. But I’m trying to keep you safe. You said you’d let me keep you safe. You gonna let me?” 

“Yeah,” you said softly. “Yeah, I’ll let you.” 

He’d stuck close to you all day. You heard him pacing the hall outside your room as you put on the outfit that Frank had selected for you. He took a break to let your hair and makeup artist, Caroline, in but he took back up pacing not long after. 

“He’s an anxious one, isn't he?” She said as she blended your eyeshadow. “That’s a change from the last guy, right?”

“He’s the same one I had last time,” you said. 

“Really?” She said, stepping back enough that you opened your eyes to look at her and you looked at her, incredulous. “Well shit, never would have guessed.” 

He was waiting there outside your door in a pair of dark jeans and a button down and you gasped in mock surprise. 

“Look at you!” You swatted him playfully on the arm. “You got dressed up!” 

He rolled his eyes. 

“Let’s go,” he said. “Before you find some new way to drive me insane.” 

“It’d be a short trip,” you smirked before leading the way to the car, Joel close enough that he kept his hand on the small of your back the whole way. 

He was tense as they slipped you into the convention hall, bringing you in a side door under a tent that enveloped everything, protecting the secret of your identity for another few hours. 

“You know you can’t come on stage with me, right?” you said, smiling a little but trying to hide it as you ate one of the carrots Joel had put on your plate. 

“Oh I’m well aware,” he muttered. “You know, I keep waitin’ for these producers and managers and… other assholes to figure out that you’re not just some profit center but you’d think they’d have realized by now that they can’t make money off you if you’re hurt or dead. Can make fuckin’ movies but can’t manage to understand basic shit…” 

There was a knock at your door and Joel clenched his jaw before going to answer it. Quinn didn’t wait for him to fully step aside, pushing past him and looking a little frazzled. 

“We ready?” She asked, looking you up and down before narrowing her eyes at you. “Are you eating? And drinking from a can without a straw? You’re wearing lipstick! Jesus Christ…” 

She started looking around, as though she might find some stray tube of lip color lying around but you just laughed a little, dabbing your mouth with your napkin and going into the small bag you’d brought with you to touch up your lipstick. 

“There,” you said, putting the tube away again. “See? No harm, no foul.” 

“And now she won’t pass out on stage,” Joel muttered. “Let’s go, sooner they trot you out like some show pony the sooner we can get you back home.” 

You just shook your head and smiled a little, following behind Quinn, a small army of assistants waiting outside your door and Joel staying so close to you that you could could feel the heat of his body alongside yours all the way to the stage. 

Cole met you there, waiting in the wings, and you greeted him with a hug. 

“You ready for this?” You asked quietly. “Because our lives are about to change.” 

“Think mine more than yours,” he smiled, a little sheepishly. “Everyone already knows your name. This is the first time I’m doing something this big. Feels a little like I’m about to… I don’t fucking know, go BASE jumping or something.” 

“Well,” you said, taking a deep breath. “As long as you’ve got a good parachute.” 

You looked toward Joel in spite of yourself, his jaw clenched as his eyes raked again and again over the surrounding area. You leaned closer to him. 

“And of course where would we be without a man worthy of our hero?” The emcee said. You looked at Cole and he looked back before taking a deep breath. “Introducing your Devin Hancock - Cole Cox!” 

Cole ran out on stage, his arms above his head and you watched him soak up the applause, waving out at the audience that you couldn’t see beyond the stage lights. 

“Finally,” the emcee said as the crowd quieted down. “The moment we’ve all been waiting for, the one I’ve been most excited for. Are you ready to meet our intergalactic heroine? The one, the only, Starlight?” 

The screams were deafening and the lights cut out, replaced by the glow of the massive screen behind the stage. You had to crane your neck to see it from where you stood but it was what you’d shot a few days earlier, the slow pans down your body, keeping your face hidden, the frantic fight sequences that kept your identity just out of sight and then a bright, blue-tinged glow before a close up of you, smirking confidently in your suit and hair and makeup, took over the screen, Starlight in an arch over your head, your name written below as the emcee announced you, the roar of screaming and cheering drowning him out almost entirely. 

You ran out to join him on stage, hands up over your head and waving to the convention hall packed with people. 

It took what felt like a small eternity for things to quiet down enough for you to even talk, the emcee giving you a mic and you just standing there with it as you waved for long enough that you started to get tired of holding your unoccupied hand so far over your head. 

“Thank you all for that very warm welcome!” You laughed when things got quiet eventually. “I really could not be happier to join the Galactic Comics Cinematic Universe.” 

You took your seat next to Cole, demurely crossing one ankle over the other (even though you were in jeans) and nodding as you listened to the director talk about the movie and the lengths they went through to keep your identity under wraps. The emcee threw a few softball questions your way and you gave the other people on stage a chance to shine before the audience questions began because you knew most of their questions would be directed at you.

You were right, the first question out of the gate was directed at you. 

“Huge fan,” the guy asking it said, smiling sheepishly at you. “But I don’t think I’d ever see you in something like this. Why’d you decide to play this role?” 

“Well,” you smiled back at him and you saw the blush rise in his cheeks. “I’ve always been drawn to stories about powerful women, I’ve always liked telling those stories and exploring the lives of those women and what better way to do it than tell the story of a superhero, right? Especially one who starts out as a doctor. And…” 

You took a deep breath. You’d debated about including this or not but, fuck it, if the world knew about Ellie anyway, why not? 

“And as some of you might know, I’m in the process of adopting my niece and Savage Starlight is her favorite comic. When I found out about the opportunity to be her favorite hero, I jumped at that. She didn’t know about this in advance, by the way, so she’s finding out about this role at the same time you all are by watching the live stream at home - hi Ellie!” You waved to the camera that was broadcasting live online. “I hope you’re behaving for your grandma, I really don’t want one of the first things I do as Dr. Daniela Star to be ground you.” 

The audience laughed and you smiled at that, this strange warmth settling inside you as the next person came up to the mic and you found yourself looking over at Joel, a little smile on his face as he watched you in return. You’d never shared something like that about yourself to press or at an event. You weren’t sure why, but for some reason, you felt comfortable being more yourself, offering that small vulnerability and piece of humanity up to these strangers. 

Time passed quickly there on stage and, before too long, you were making your way off stage, happy that you weren’t miked anymore and you felt like you could breathe a little. 

“That was surreal,” Cole said, nearly yelling in your ear to be heard over the crowd, staying close to you as the two of you headed off stage, Joel watching from the wings, his eyes sweeping the stage as you did. 

“But cool!” You said back, smiling at him before turning a little to wave one last time at the crowd. 

You were so distracted by the crowd and the noise and blinded by the stage lights, you almost didn’t see Joel running for you. 

***

It happened so fast, he almost fucking missed it. 

You were almost off stage - almost next to him again - and he had almost relaxed. You were close and you were so beautiful and looked so happy and it was easy to just look at you, the temptation to just watch you instead of looking anywhere else so easy to fall into. 

But then he saw it, someone shoving off event security and scrambling onto the stage. He barely noticed it, the person almost entirely blocked from his view by you and your costar. 

He moved quickly then, event security chasing after the man as he went for you. You noticed him half a second before he reached you, your smile dropping and your eyes going wide. 

“Move!” Joel grabbed you, tucking your head down and putting his body between you and the person who was inches away from being tackled by security. He rushed you off stage all the same, not about to trust security to suddenly do their jobs properly. 

He got you off stage quickly, casting a glance back over his shoulder to see two security guards take the man down. Joel kept moving with you, rushing you through the maze of back stage and back to your green room. He slammed the door shut and released you, taking your face in his hands and looking you up and down. 

“You OK?” He asked, breathless. 

“I’m fine,” you said quietly, your hands covering his, your fingers soft and soothing against his own. “I’m OK, it’s OK.” 

“Fuck,” he said, pulling you against him before he thought better of it, clutching onto you and focusing on the feeling of your chest rising and falling as he held you close. Your arms slowly, cautiously went around him, too, your hold gentler than his own except for your fingers which knotted in his shirt and pressed into his back. His heartbeat finally slowed, your body a comfort against his own, and his grip on you eased. You pulled back from him but didn’t go far, still in his arms, still close enough that he could feel when you breathed. You looked at him, your eyes wide, lips parted and, for half a moment, he thought you might kiss him and he wanted you to. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t kiss you, he wanted to. The fact that you were his charge, that you were so far above him you weren’t even in the same galaxy let alone the same league, that he was in no position to let anyone close to him at all didn’t matter. All that mattered was your lips and skin and the way you felt against him. 

Your eyes traced over his face then stilled at his temple and you frowned, reaching your hand up, delicately tracing the scar there with one finger, your touch so gentle it was more like a ghost than anything corporeal. 

“Joel,” you whispered, your palm finding his cheek but your finger lingering on the scar. His heart stuttered. 

The sharp knock on the green room door made you jump and he pulled you closer for a moment before maneuvering you behind him. 

“It’s me!” Quinn called through the door. “Let me in!” 

“Stay put,” Joel said sharply, going for the door and only opening it a crack, confirming it was just Quinn there before opening it just enough to let her in and then locking it again. 

Your manager rushed over to you, looking you up and down before taking you by the shoulders. 

“You’re OK?” She asked quickly. 

“I’m fine,” you said, smiling a little at her. “It wasn’t a big deal, really.” 

Joel stalked over, trying to put himself between you and Quinn as best he could without physically moving her. He’d never put hands on a woman, he didn’t want to start now. 

“When are you people gonna learn that this shit is a risk?” He growled, letting himself tower over Quinn. “That it’s not fuckin’ worth it? That you’re gonna get her hurt or worse because someone else needs something more from her?” 

“Joel,” you quietly, your hand curling around his bicep, but he shrugged you off. 

“She is not some goddamn toy!” Joel snapped. “So stop parading her around like some fuckin’ Barbie before someone does more than break her fucking arm!” 

“She’s my client!” Quinn snapped back. “And my friend and I’ve been looking out for her a hell of a lot longer than you have so if you think for one second that she matters more to you than she does to me…” 

“She is right here, in case either of you were wondering,” you said, voice sharp. 

Joel and Quinn both turned to face you and, beyond your eyes being wider than he was used to seeing, you looked like yourself. Your jaw was set firm, your back straight, daring either of them to push you. 

“Last time I checked, I’m a grown woman who is perfectly capable of making her own choices,” you said, looking between the two of them. “Joel, I’m fine. Nothing happened. Security took down… whoever that was and you protected me. The system worked. Quinn, cut Joel some slack. He’s still new to this industry, he doesn’t understand how shit works here and… he’s right. Events are a risk. They’re just also necessary.” 

Joel clenched his jaw, tightened his fist. He wasn’t going to win this fight, he knew that, but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it. 

“There is a piece of good news,” Quinn sighed, changing the subject. “The guy who rushed the stage was looking to talk to the director, some super fan. Had his last movie on BluRay in his bag, looks like he’s a film student at UCLA.” 

“Jesus,” Joel pinched the bridge of his nose. “People can’t just be fuckin’ normal about this shit? Have to be rushing the goddamn stage, camping out at premieres…” 

“People care,” Quinn said, a little edge in her tone. “It might be a little intense but…” 

“Yeah,” Joel cut her off. “That’s the problem, ain’t it.” 

Joel got you out of there without any further incident, bypassing the crowds of people clamoring for a piece of you outside and instead ushering you back out the way you came, straight into the back of the heavily tinted SUV. He sat in back with you, not willing to even be as far away as the front seat would force him to be.

It took until the two of you were well on the way back at your house for him to really calm down, the tension in his chest easing, finally able to relax his clenched fists. 

“Can I ask you something?” You said quietly. 

He looked over at you, your eyes soft and open and you were twisted in the seat so you were facing him as much as you could be while still being buckled in. He didn’t say anything but you pressed on. 

“How…” you paused, like you were trying to figure out how to phrase your question. “How long have you protected someone?” 

He flexed his hand. 

“Few weeks,” he said. “Usually just a few days.” 

You nodded slowly. 

“Why.” 

“Did you usually get along with the people you protected?” You asked, ignoring him. 

He laughed once, derisively. 

“No,” he said. “No, they’re just rich assholes. Usually CEOs in town for meetings or some shit. Protected this one model once who was a nice enough girl. You might know her… Rosie something think her name was. Don’t really remember. Otherwise, mostly just jackasses. Why.” 

“You’ve never worked a job like this one, have you?” You asked, your head cocked ever so slightly to the side, your exacting gaze seeing past seemingly everything he had to protect that dying thing inside himself. “Where you might actually give a shit about whether or not the person you’re protecting lives for anything outside the professional, I mean.” 

“No,” he said again after a moment. “No. I haven’t.” 

You nodded again. 

“I’m sorry it’s working out like this,” you said quietly. “I’m not trying to make life difficult. You probably think I’m full of shit but I’m really not…” 

“I know,” he cut you off. “You’ve given me plenty of grief, Siren, but I know that’s not what this is.” 

“I’ll…” you took a deep, shaky breath. “I’ll do my best to make sure it’s professional. It’s weird for me, too, being around someone this much and not… I’ll try to do better.” 

He wanted to tell you not to worry about it. Please don’t stay away from me, he wanted to say. Please just be where I can see you and touch you and know that you’re breathing, please stay close to me, please don’t leave me alone in this. 

“S’OK,” he said instead. “It’s… it’ll be OK.” 

You smiled at him ever so slightly, something sad in your eyes when you did and he resisted the urge to touch you the rest of the way home. 

*** 

Being rushed off stage after your big announcement put a bit of a damper on the celebration outside your house but inside, you still got to bask in the excitement a little. Ellie had called you freaking out while you were still on stage and you FaceTimed her as soon as you were back home. 

“Are you kidding me, Sissy?” She gaped at you. “You’re seriously fucking Starlight? THAT’S what you’ve been working on?” 

“Yeah,” you smiled, trying to keep from laughing, too happy that she was happy to scold her for her language. “Think I can pull it off?” 

“Hell yeah!” She said, beaming. “This is the coolest fucking thing! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” 

Not everything was that easy, though. You did your best to avoid Joel over the next few days as much as you could. You trained and did fight choreography, Joel sitting up front in the car while you sat in the back, and you kept to your office and bedroom as much as possible when you were at home. Not that Joel spent much time in the common areas of the house, anyway, but it seemed that when you did encounter each other there, there was a strange intimacy to it that didn’t exist in other spaces. It was safest to avoid it. 

Even though it’s not that you wanted to avoid Joel. Far from it. The way he’d held you after the incident at the convention had touched you in a way no one else had. He’d clung to you like you were a lifeline, as though you mattered to him. And it wasn’t because you were rich, it wasn’t because you were beautiful and he wanted to own you, it wasn’t even because he fawned over your fame or power or skill. It felt like he did it just because you existed. Like that was all that as required of you when it came to him, like as long as you just continued to breathe you would matter to him. No one else had ever done that for you, not in the way he did, and now that you had a taste of it you craved it. You wanted to matter to him, you wanted him to see something in you that was worthy because there was something about him that was so real and so vital, something in him that made the way he saw the world so much more important than the way anyone else did. 

Which is why you needed to give him space. You couldn’t let yourself do this. You couldn’t let yourself fall into the feelings you had for this man that were threatening to swallow you up, it would only get you hurt. Space was smart. 

But, Tuesday, you didn’t have a choice. The premiere was Wednesday and you had to figure out what you and Joel were wearing, the entire day blocked off to spend at Frank’s studio to review the different looks he’d selected for you and Joel both. That meant a day together, whether either of you liked it or not. 

And you might have liked it. More than you should. 

“I can’t believe I get to dress that sexy, grumpy body guard of yours,” Frank said as you stood in your underwear looking at gown options, Joel waiting safely on the other side of the door. “I’d say it’s a dream except for the fact that he is one big man and no one knows who the hell he is so it’s not like I can name drop to get off-size samples. Selection’s going to be limited, I’m afraid.” 

“I think he’ll live,” you said, reaching out and touching the skirt of one of the gowns, running your thumb over the sumptuous fabric. “I’m still surprised he went along with the date scheme, honestly.” 

“I’m not,” Frank scoffed. “You two fucked yet?” 

“Frank!” You gawked at him and swatted him. 

“What!” He said, indignant. “I know chemistry when I see it, honey, and you two have chemistry.” 

“He’s still not interested in fucking me,” you said, your stomach clenching at that thought even though you shouldn’t care. 

“Yes he is,” Frank rolled his eyes. You raised your eyebrows at him and he waved you off. “For someone as stunning as you are, you sure are good at missing when someone wants to get you into bed. Maybe you’re just used to it because you’re you but that man would cut off a limb for a night in bed with you, mark my words.” 

“Please,” you rolled your eyes. 

“I’m serious,” Frank said, his tone shifting. “And none of that’s unusual for you but I’ll tell you what is unusual for you: you want him back.” 

“Don’t start,” you said, pointing at him sternly.  

“I’m not starting anything,” he said, his hands up in surrender. “I’m just pointing some shit out. It’s been a long time since you were in a real relationship…” 

“I’ve been kinda busy the last year or two,” you said, defensive. 

“And you could use someone,” he continued like you hadn’t spoken at all. “And there are worse choices than the tall drink of water that’s sitting out there. That’s all I’m saying.” 

“He works for me,” you said. “It’s not happening.” 

“Whatever you say,” he said, turning his attention back to the gowns. “Want to know my favorite or do you want to go in blind?” 

“That one’s your favorite,” you said, pointing to a fully beaded gown that looked like it would fit you like a glove. “Don’t think I don’t know you.” 

He laughed and gave your arm a squeeze. 

“To be loved is to be known,” he said. “Or something like that.” 

You smiled a little. 

“So they say,” you said. “Let’s try them on and figure out what we need to do to get me down that carpet.” 

Frank had an eye. You tried on all the gowns but none of them held a candle to the one you’d eyeballed as his immediately. 

“I know you get this all the time,” Frank said, standing back from you and looking you up and down after he’d pinned the places he’d need to make temporary alterations to make sure the gown fit you just right. “But I think you might be the most beautiful woman on Earth.” 

“Only when you dress me,” you smiled but admired yourself in the mirror all the same. 

“Alright,” he said, stepping onto the small platform to help you out of your gown. “Let’s get you out of this and figure out what we’re squeezing that giant man into.” 

You laughed but let Frank undress you before getting back into the sweats you’d come to the studio in, your stylist going to grab Joel who looked none too happy about needing to get dressed up. 

“Dunno why it fuckin’ matters what I wear,” Joel muttered as Frank took his measurements. “No one’s gonna be looking at me anyway.” 

“We need to make sure you’re not drawing attention,” Frank said absently as he noted a measurement. “You show up in jeans to an event like this, people look at you funny. Unless you’re Adam Sandler but that’s another story…” 

He straightened and looked at the numbers, draping the tape measure around his neck and comparing them to another sheet on his clip board and nodding to himself. 

“Well, I’ve got good news,” he said idly. “I wasn’t too far off on your sizes and I pulled a few options for you, we don’t need to send you to Men’s Wearhouse. Or wherever it is we’d have to look to find something to fit those shoulder of yours…” 

Joel glared at him but Frank didn’t seem to notice, just going to grab the suits as Joel stood awkwardly on the platform, trying to look anywhere but at the mirrors that surrounded him. 

“You’ll never break Frank by being grumpy,” you said, smiling a little as you propped your head on your fist, one leg crossed over the other from your seat in the corner. 

“Why’s that,” Joel said more than asked, barely glancing your way. 

“His husband, Bill, would give you a run for your money on the grumpy asshole front,” you said. “He’s reigning world champ, you’d like him.” 

“Jesus,” Joel muttered but you saw his lips tug up ever so slightly. You smiled. 

“Don’t worry, Big Miller,” you teased. “You’re in good hands for your red carpet debut.” 

Frank had undersold his options, Joel looking damn good in every outfit he put him in but, eventually, they settled on an all black suit that fit him almost perfectly - just needing to be let out a little at the cuffs of the coat and the hem of the pants - with a black shirt he was going to wear without a tie, open enough that you could see a bit of the golden tan expanse of his chest that made your mouth water when you looked at him too long. 

“This is too much,” Joel grumbled. “Can’t I just wear… I dunno…” 

“No, you can’t,” Frank cut him off. “Move your arms for me, up over your head.” Joel just looked at him, brows raised. “I’m assuming you want good range of motion to protect our newest superhero over there, right? So do what I say.” Joel rolled his eyes but obeyed. “Good boy,” Frank said and you coughed to cover your laugh. 

He pinned Joel, too, and, eventually, the two of you were finished up, Frank and his team needing to get to work to finalize alterations and the rest of your outfits. 

“See you both tomorrow morning at the hotel,” Frank said. “Expect you both to get a good night’s sleep, you’d better not let bags under your eyes ruin this for me, understand?” 

“Yes sir,” you said, kissing both his cheeks. “And I’ll be sure to tell Bill about all the fun you had today…” 

“Don’t start young lady,” Frank said, turning to Joel. “Keep her in line or I’ll put you in something hideous.” 

He didn’t give your body guard a chance to respond. Instead, he just headed back into his studio and you tried not to laugh. 

“You just like to torture everyone you work with don’t you,” Joel said, a teasing edge to his voice. 

“I need to have fun somehow,” you said, letting Joel lead the way to the car that was waiting just outside the door. He put his hand on your back and you tried to ignore the way your heart raced when he did. “You looked really good, by the way.” 

He frowned at you. 

“In the suit, I mean,” you said. “You’re going to look good tomorrow.” 

“Right,” he said, opening the door for you.You got in the back of the car and were surprised when he got in the back seat next to you. “Uh… thanks.” 

You smiled a little as you buckled in. Frank might be wrong about Joel wanting to sleep with you but you could at least take some comfort in knowing that you could still throw him off a little. And as long as you could get through the premiere without caving to that growing, gnawing urge to touch him, kiss him, feel him, everything would be OK. 

The two of you got up early the next day to head to a hotel near the premiere to get ready, Joel sitting next to you again with a sour look on his face the entire trip. 

“So what’s got your boxer briefs in a twist today?” You teased after a while, not able to resist it. 

“Don’t understand why we gotta be in an unknown space for this,” he grumbled. “Your house was fine for the last premiere, stupid to add another variable into this situation.” 

“Because the last premiere was more low-key,” you shrugged. “This one starts later in the day and there’s a party after, we’re not going to want to deal with getting all the way back to my house that late. Trust me, having the closer space will be a blessing when push comes to shove. Think of it this way, you’ve got a safe place to whisk me off to when you get paranoid.” 

He gave you a look and you stifled a giggle. 

“Don’t think it’s paranoid if I’ve had to do more than just look after you the last few times you’ve been out in public here,” he muttered. “Should have said you couldn’t do this, not even your damn movie…” 

“Well we extra need the media push now because I couldn’t do any press after the con,” you said. “And I know they got this premiere more locked down…” 

He clenched his jaw and shook his head and, before you could stop yourself, you reached for the hand that rested on the seat between you, covering his thick fingers with your own. He looked there, still for a moment, before slowly, gently, turning his hand so he could hold yours. Your heart fluttered. 

“It’ll be OK, Joel,” you smiled softly. “It will.” 

They’d put you in a two bedroom suite with a living space in the middle, Quinn’s assistant getting the space set up with a variety of snacks and drinks and coming up with your favorite coffee as you settled into the larger bedroom to get ready. 

The team of stylists showed up not long after you and you went through all the motions of getting ready for a big event - the nails and the hair and the putting on the gown that had to weigh at least 10 pounds and you were happy for the structure of the bodice so the weight of it wasn’t entirely landing on your shoulders. 

“How’s Joel doing?” You asked Frank, sipping a Diet Coke through a straw as Caroline, your hair stylist, put the finishing touches on. 

“Looking way better than he has any right to,” Frank replied, getting a necklace with a sizable blue gemstone - the same shade of blue the powers Starlight had glowed with in the comics - and put it around your neck. “It’s not fair, someone looking that good when they don’t give a shit about it.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Good thing you’re there to bring out the best in the guy,” you teased, giving a lock of his hair a little tug and he gave you a look, smiling a bit as he did. 

“Well, I’ll take solace in the fact that he’s walking the carpet with you,” he said, offering you his hand to help you out of your chair. You took it and he adjusted your gown before walking around you in a slow, discerning circle. “He’ll pale in comparison.” 

“Thanks to you,” you said as he held out his hand for you drink and you surrendered it. 

“Alright,” he said, waving the makeup artist over. “Lip color, then we go.” 

She painted it on and then Frank gave a nod. 

“You’re ready,” he said. “Let’s get you there, be sure to watch the back of the dress when you’re getting in and out, it might snag on your heels…” 

“I do know how to wear a gown,” you said, following him. 

“If you saw how some of these things came back to me at the end of the night from other people, you’d know why I bother to say it,” he replied, opening the door to the living area and Joel stood up from the couch, moving for you for a moment before he stopped in his tracks, staring at you. 

“What?” You asked after he’d stood stock still for what felt like too long. 

“Nothin’,” he shook his head once. “You… you look nice.” 

“Thanks,” you smiled, looking at him, trying to ignore the tug at the base of your chest you felt when you saw him there, the suit fitting him like it’d been made for him, the bare skin of his chest almost too intimate to look at even though you knew the entire planet would see him like this in just a few minutes. “Not too bad yourself.” 

“I’m going to try to not be personally offended by the fact that you just said she looked ‘nice,’” Frank said, giving you a peck on the cheek. “You look beautiful, honey. Have fun, don’t work too hard. I’ll come by tomorrow to pick up the dress and jewelry.” 

You watched Frank go before turning to Joel. 

“Ready to run the gauntlet?” You asked. 

“Guess so,” he sighed. “Let’s get this over with.” 

“Don’t sound so happy about it,” you teased as you made your way for the door. “You know there are men who would kill to be in your shoes right now.” 

“I know,” Joel said. “That’s who I’m worried about.” 

You gave him a brief run down of how to handle himself on the carpet on the short ride over. Let you do the talking, when people asked about your relationship just say that you’re friends, try to keep your face at least neutral if not smiling as much as possible.

“There are going to be a lot of people coming up to me,” you said. “If they’re in formalwear, don’t worry about it. Actors are physical folk, there’s going to be a lot of hugging and kissing, please don’t snap anybody’s arm because they decided to touch me.” 

“I’ll do my best,” he said, clearly tense. 

“And you’ll probably need to touch me, too, now that I think about it,” you said as the car pulled up toward the carpet. He almost jumped at that and you cleared your throat awkwardly. “You know, just in a friendly way. For pictures and as we’re moving down the carpet. If we don’t hold hands and that sort of thing at some point, it’ll look strange.” 

“OK,” he said, sounding hesitant. 

“I won’t read into it,” you smiled a little. “Promise.” 

Joel adjusted, stiff in his seat, and the cuff of his jacket slid up his arm, just enough to reveal his watch. But it wasn’t the one you’d been expecting. Instead, it was the one you’d given him, the one you’d thought he’d certainly have pawned or destroyed or… something by now. 

Your shock must have shown on your face because Joel frowned. 

“What,” he said, looking at you. 

“You’re wearing the watch,” you said quietly. “You kept it.” 

“Oh,” he said, looking down at his wrist and clearing his throat awkwardly. “Yeah. I… It’s nice. Thought this was the place to wear it.” 

The car came to a stop at the carpet and a man in a headset with a clipboard opened the door, smiling. 

“Welcome!” He said, offering you his hand. “We’re just about ready for you on the carpet.” 

You took his hand and stepped out of the car, a roar going up from the roped off area for fans as you did. You smiled broadly, raising your arm to wave at them as Joel came up behind you. You sensed him there more than saw him, something about the strength and security of his presence making you hyperaware of where he was in relation to you. 

“This what it’s always like for you?” He asked, putting his hand in the middle of your back, at the skin that was bared just over the top of the gown. You resisted the urge to lean back into his touch. “Everyone looking at you all the time?” 

“Just figured that one out, eh?” You smirked a little and lifted the hem of your dress enough that you could walk unimpeded. “C’mon, Big Miller. Time to get to work.” 

You led the way down the red carpet, signing a few autographs with Joel’s hand firmly at your waist as he watched everything all around you. You’d just cleared the fan area and were starting toward the press when there was an excited shriek that made Joel stiffen but you smiled as Chloe, a friend from early in your film career who had been in this franchise for years, came running over. 

“Oh my God, it’s so good to see you!” She squealed, hugging you and you kissed her cheek as she kissed yours. “Welcome to the family, baby!” 

“Thank you!” You laughed, giving her arm a squeeze. “I’m in for a few movies so I’m sure we’ll be in one together.” 

“Fuck, I hope so,” she said. “I should have held out until they started giving women the leads in this shit. I’m a glorified sidekick and the team is all guys. I love them, don’t get me wrong, but damn the set needs some estrogen.” 

“Chloe!” Someone yelled for her from further up the carpet. 

“One sec!” She yelled back before turning back to you. “Ugh, back to the office, I guess. See you at the afterparty? You can tell me about whoever this is?” 

She looked Joel up and down, a suggestive look on her face. 

“OK go take photos with your husband,” you shoved her playfully and she laughed, giving you a wink before obeying. 

You took Joel’s hand, the movement feeling oddly familiar and natural as you laced your fingers with his and led him to the row of photographers waiting for you. 

“Now act like you like me,” you smiled at Joel, guiding his hand around your waist as you posed beside him, angling your body for the different cameras. He was stiff against you, like he was trying to hold himself away from you as much as he could and you tried to not let that sting. 

“Some of just you, beautiful!” A photographer yelled and you laughed and gave Joel a squeeze before stepping away, posing so they could capture you from the front, back, side. It was second nature to you now, how to best position your body to make it as appealing as possible, always holding yourself in a way that wasn’t necessarily comfortable but made people want you. That was your job, be the object of desire, and you tried not to think too hard about that fact when you caught a glimpse of Joel’s face as he watched you smile coyly over your shoulder for photographers. 

You took his hand again as you made your way to interviews, stopping to talk to reporters and say over and over again just how excited you were to play Starlight. 

“How many more of these you got?” Joel asked, his lips at your ear and his body so close to yours you couldn’t help but be aware of every inch of him. You shook yourself mentally and looked down the row of waiting reporters. 

“I think three more outlets,” you said, pulling away from him just enough to look him in the eye. “Why, getting antsy there, Big Miller?” 

“Don’t know how you do this all the time,” he muttered. “Shit is exhausting. And I’m not even the one doing the talkin’.” 

You laughed a little and led him down the line, stopping at the next reporter, one you’d talked to a few times before and had always liked. 

“Oh hi!” You hugged her and kissed her on both cheeks when she greeted you. “Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen you in a while! Did you have your baby?” 

“I did!” She smiled. “About five months ago.” 

“Congratulations! Tell me about her!” You said. “They’re a girl, right? Can I see pictures?” 

She smiled and showed you pictures of her baby, a tiny thing with chubby cheeks and soft, dark curls and you fawned over her. 

“It’s actually very convenient that you made me get my phone out,” she said after a minute. “Because I wanted to get some reactions to tweets that fans have posted about you. Just a fun little game to mix it up a little.” 

“Oh alright,” you smiled conspiratorially. “Lay it on me, mama.” 

“I’ll give you the phone so you can see the tweet,” she said, pulling it up. “You read it and tell us your thoughts!” 

She passed you her phone, a screenshot of a tweet pulled up. 

“Alright,” you said, laughing a little as you read it. “This one says ‘Now that we know who Starlight is, I’m going to need her step on me while blowing some bad guy away.’ Well… TitsMcGee23 - great handle, by the way - that sounds structurally unstable but if I ever need a riser on set, I will slide into your DMs.” 

The reporter laughed and you handed her the phone back. She pulled up the next one and returned it. 

“Oh, this is… something,” you laughed. “‘Dear Starlight: Choke me, Mommy.’ Well, I sure hope I’m not old enough to be your mother if you’re posting that and I don’t think choking is really my thing but you know what? I could be convinced, you sound fun.” 

She had a few more tweets like that to read and you played along before moving on to the next reporter, who asked who you were wearing and then honed in on Joel. 

“And who is this gentleman?” She said, looking Joel up and down. “Is he someone we should be watching out for in your next film?” 

You looked over your shoulder to Joel whose eyes had gone wide in panic

“Um,” he said, looking quickly to you and you stifled a laugh. 

“This is my friend,” you said, looping your arm around his back, hoping it came off as familiar and friendly. “He was kind enough to make sure I had someone to lean on while walking the carpet in these heels!” 

You stuck your leg out through the thigh high slit in your gown, turning your ankle and showing off the stilettos Frank had put you in.  

“Just a friend though?” The reporter asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively. “No new romance for Hollywood’s hottest bachelorette?” 

“Afraid not,” you scrunched your nose. “For now I’m flying solo and spending as much time as I can with my niece. But if that changes, you’ll be the first to know.” 

You made your way inside and settled in with Joel at the back of the theater so the stars of this movie could comfortably take center stage, him shifting uncomfortably in his seat and adjusting his suit. 

“Doing OK there Big Miller?” You teased. 

“That was fuckin’ surreal,” he muttered. “That’s really what it’s like for you all the time? Strangers asking about your personal life and making you read what people post about you online and wanting you to tell them the same thing over and over?” 

“Pretty much,” you laughed a little. “I keep telling people that being a movie star is not all it’s cracked up to be but no one believes me.” 

“Jesus,” Joel muttered. 

“It has its perks though,” you smiled, nodding to the screen as the director got up to introduce the film. “Get to see the biggest movies early. And, you know, there’s the whole getting to make art for a living and do what I really love.” 

Joel looked at you for a moment, considering you as the lights dimmed. 

“You really do love it don’t you,” he said. “The acting part.” 

“Yeah,” you smiled a little. “I do.” 

When the movie ended, you and Joel went to a lounge the studio had rented out for the afterparty, the whole place decked out with Scarlet Sentinel colors and logos, music thumping in the background and servers roaming with trays of hors d'oeuvres and themed cocktails. 

“We gotta go over the rules?” He asked, keeping you at his side near the door. 

“I can go wherever I want whenever I want and definitely be out of your line of sight at all times?” You asked brows raised. He glared and you laughed. “I’m not going to try and ditch you, don’t worry. I’ll stay nice and close.” 

“Gotta figure out how to make you behave like this all the time,” he muttered and the two of you worked your way into the party. 

It was surprisingly easy, hanging out with Joel and catching up with people. Chloe came back over to say hi and so you could fill her in on the situation with Joel - dragging her husband along behind her - and Bryant, a guy you did a movie with in your early 20s and hooked up with a few times in the fall out after Henry noticed you, smiling when he did. 

“I didn’t know you were going to be here!” He said, coming up and kissing you hello. “How have you been, it’s been ages!” 

“I’ve been a little busy,” you laughed, giving him a squeeze, Joel’s hand still firmly on your back. “So have you though, congratulations on the Tony!” 

“Thank you, thank you,” he said, stepping back and looking you up and down. “Fuck, you look good.” 

“Thank you,” you smirked. “I’m going to be every teenaged boy’s wet dream now, haven’t you heard?” 

“Please, you’ve been that for teenaged boys for years,” he said and you laughed. “C’mon, let’s dance.” 

You scrunched your nose and went to turn him down but he cut you off. 

“Old time’s sake,” he said. “I’ll only try to get you back in bed for the first minute. Promise.” 

You groaned and then looked over to Joel who looked none too happy about the proposition. 

“I won’t go far,” you said. “Promise.” 

He quirked his jaw. 

“This side of the dance floor,” he said. 

“Thank you,” you said, giving him a squeeze as you let Bryant lead you onto the dance floor. 

“So,” he said. “What are the chances of you going home with me tonight instead of the giant asshole who is staring at me like he’s about to knife me?” 

“Slim,” you said. “But, if it makes you feel better, I will leave with him but only because he’s my bodyguard.” 

“That does help,” he said. “But bodyguard? That’s new for you.” 

“Just some extra concerns for a little while,” you said. “I have a fan that’s been getting a little aggressive and there was that thing at the premiere a few months ago…” 

“I heard about that,” he flinched. “Doing better now?” 

“Yeah,” you waved him off. “Honestly, I don’t think it’s as much of a thing as everyone else seems to think it is.” 

“Well if Rambo over there is keeping you safe?” He said. “I like him a little more. Though I think he could keep you just as safe by standing outside my bedroom door while I put your ankles by your ears as he could standing outside your room.” 

You laughed. 

“Bold of you to assume my legs can still bend that way,” you said. “I’m not 23 anymore.” 

“Oh I saw that convention footage,” he teased. “I’m pretty sure you could do whatever you wanted to with those legs. But I promised no trying to get you back in my bed after the first minute on the dance floor so I will stop that as of… you’re sure you don’t want to fuck me?” 

“Pretty sure.” 

“Stopping now,” he smiled. 

Bryant was true to his word and, when the song ended, you were true to yours, making your way back to Joel as he practically glared a hole into the side of his head. 

“See?” You said, standing next to Joel. “All in one piece.” 

“Don’t wanna keep you from your boyfriend,” he muttered, crossing his arms and you laughed. 

“Not a boyfriend, don’t worry,” you said. “And I’m not going to argue with an excuse to not go home with him, he’s actually not that great in bed.” 

Joel snorted at that and you got another cocktail from a passing server. 

“Hey,” Chloe came up behind you, looping her arm around your waist. “I have to pee and this dress is a nightmare, can you help me?” 

“I dunno,” you looked at Joel, brows raised. “Am I allowed to go to the bathroom?” 

“If I stay outside the bathroom door and you don’t try to sneak past me?” Joel said. “Yes.” 

“So demanding,” you sighed dramatically, making Joel roll his eyes as you headed off, feeling his gaze heavy on your back as you went.

But when you made inside the bathroom, you couldn’t help but laugh, the sound almost maniacal, and Chloe frowned. 

“What?” She asked. 

“There are two entrances,” you nodded to the other one. “All that bluster and he wouldn’t even notice if we went out the other door. Should we fuck with Joel and go out the other side, meet him out there?” 

“I think you’d give him a heart attack,” she giggled. “Come on, I have to piss like a race horse.” 

You went into the stall with her, helping her hold her gown up and then traded, her doing the same for you before you went to wash your hands. 

“Come on,” you said, your head swimming from the alcohol and a lightness filling you. “Let’s go out the other door, it would be hilarious.” 

“He seems scary,” Chloe scrunched her nose. “Do you really want to poke the bear?” 

“Poking the bear is the only fun to be had when you’ve got six and a half feet of muscle following you around all the time,” you replied, drying your hands before straightening your gown. “Come on, you know you want to.” 

“Fine,” she sighed dramatically. “Let’s do it.” 

You giggled, wondering if this was how kids in school felt when they played a prank, looping your arm through hers and heading for the other door when you bumped into someone on their way into the bathroom, one of the servers in a black white button down and bow tie. 

“Sorry!” You laughed quickly, stepping back, and then realizing that the man was familiar. Not because you’d taken a cocktail from him or grabbed an hors d'oeuvres from his tray. No, you knew his face from another time, from a moment of pain and fear that had stayed planted firmly in your mind in the weeks since it had happened. The wrist that had been in a cast throbbed. You wanted to run but you couldn’t seem to make yourself move, your feet frozen to the earth.

Chloe went to duck around him, trying to pull you with her, but he cut both of you off and your hold on her tightened. 

“Excuse us,” she said, no sense of wrongness in her voice. She didn’t know and you couldn’t seem to make your mouth move to tell her. “We’re just headed out.” 

“No, you’re not,” he said, lifting his arm, a butcher knife in his grip, and he pressed the blade to your chest. 

***

Joel didn’t like any of this. 

He didn’t like the way everyone on the damn red carpet - from the people directing you from place to place to the fans to the reporters - seemed to want a piece of you. He didn’t like how you had to laugh at strangers saying crazy shit about how they wanted to fuck you because you were on camera. He didn’t like how packed it was in here and he didn’t like that the volume of the music made it hard to hear jack shit and that the low lights made it hard to see. He didn’t like the way that fucking guy had just come up and kissed you and cracked jokes about getting you into his bed, jealousy twisting hot and sharp in his stomach when he watched that man’s hands on you. 

He really didn’t like that you were out of sight right now, in the bathroom with your friend. Yeah, he could make sure no one else went in there and he doubted even you could find much trouble in a bathroom but still. There were so many people here, so many variables, and he couldn’t see you or feel you or hear you. You were outside the realm of his control and he didn’t like it, not at all. 

His chest got tighter and he looked at his watch, the one you’d given him, his usual timepiece on the nightstand in his room at the hotel. He’d told himself that he did it to blend in - this fancy fucking suit needed a fancy fucking watch - but he knew that was bullshit as he put it on, his thumb tracing the engraving on the back as he slipped it on his wrist. He put it on because he wanted to look like he belonged with you, even if it was just for a night. He put it on because he wanted to have something that came from you touching him. And then he saw how your face lit up when you noticed it, your genuine happiness at him using something you’d given him, and he had a hard time remembering why he’d avoided it for so long. Why would he ever do anything to keep you from smiling like that? He wasn’t sure. 

He’d checked the time when you went into the bathroom, too, and you’d been in the bathroom for what seemed like a while. Yeah, you’d be navigating that fancy dress - the one that damn near sent him into shock when he saw it, the perfect way it framed your shape and accentuated your breasts and exposed your thigh - but still. Something felt off. 

He was just about to slip into the bathroom to check on you, propriety be damned, when Chloe stumbled out, tears streaming down her face, slamming into him. 

He caught her, quickly looking her up and down, his heart pounding as he desperately searched for some sign of her panic, something besides you being hurt and just out of reach. It had to be something else, it couldn’t be you, it couldn’t. 

“You have to help her!” She sobbed before he had the chance to ask where you were, her fingers twisting in the sleeves of his jacket as she clung to him. “He has a knife, he’s got her, you have to help her, please!” 

Joel’s heart stuttered and he shoved past your friend and ran headlong into the bathroom, drawing the gun that was strapped to his side as he went. 

You were nowhere to be found but he figured out why quickly: there was another fucking way out. He ran for it, keeping his gun low. The other entrance went to a long hall, one end emptying back out into the lounge, the other toward the kitchen. He was trying to take a guess on where to go when a cook came running out from the kitchen, a panicked look on his face, another cook close behind. 

“Fuck!” Joel swore, running for the kitchens as more people started pouring out, forcing him to go against the flow of servers and chefs as they made a run for it. He could hear the chaos in the main part of the building, the music cutting out and someone - not you - screaming. 

He kept going. 

He pushed himself to keep moving even though it felt as though something was choking him, his heart racing, his chest tight because he had to reach you, he had to, until he was behind the building and you were there, straining to not get in the back of a car, a knife held to your throat by a man who - even in the dim glow of the street light - Joel recognized. It was the man from the premiere, the one who had broken your wrist weeks ago. Your body was held tight to his, your hands wrapped almost gently around his arm, trying to keep the knife away from your skin. 

Time froze, the whole of the world honing in on this one, fine point. The blade on your skin, the panic on your face, his arm around you. Your life was in this man’s hands and he could take it. Joel was inches away from seeing your blood spill all over that sparkling dress because - for all your ethereal beauty and inhuman perfection - you were just a mortal thing, the same animal he was on the inside. This man could destroy you as easily as anyone else and Joel could feel the pull of that possibility there, this terrifying and haunting potential future on the horizon. It was like he was seeing the car in the road again, smelling the gasoline, feeling the blood on his skin. There would be nothing he could do for you if this man decided to end you, nothing he could do for himself. 

He wasn’t going to let that happen. He was not going to hold your body, too. 

The world righted itself, time moving again. He ignored the tightness in his chest, raising his gun. 

“I’m not going to hurt you!” The man pleaded with you, breathless. You were between Joel and him, he couldn’t get a clean shot. “Just listen to me! Just come with me, it’ll be OK, I won’t hurt you I promise I won’t hurt you, I…” 

“Stop!” Joel said, gun up and trained on the man. He looked away from you to Joel, adjusting you ever so slightly so you were even more of a human shield. “Let her go! Now!” 

“Joel,” you said it so quietly he almost didn’t hear it. Your face was streaked with makeup and tears and you looked afraid, so afraid. He was close enough now that he could see you shaking in the man’s arms. “Please.” 

“Let her go!” Joel yelled again, moving closer. The man pressed the knife to your throat and Joel froze, your eyes closing, lower lip trembling. “Right the fuck now!”

“You took her from me before,” the man snarled, voice shaky. “I’m not letting you take her again! I just want to love her, that’s it! But you won’t let me!” 

“We can work something out,” you said, your voice thick. “Please, just…” 

“You don’t understand!” He yelled, spittle flying from his mouth. But he was more focused on you for a moment and Joel took advantage of his distraction to press closer. “I’m what you need! You wouldn’t be fighting me if you just understood! I’ve seen it, you need me, I’m just trying to take care of you, you don’t understand!” 

The man looked to Joel again and he stopped, gun still up. 

“Stop trying to take her from me!” He shrieked and you flinched. The knife had moved from your throat but was against your chest now, the metal pressing into the skin below your throat and the exposed swell of your breast but not drawing blood. “She needs me! If you cared about her, you’d let her go with me!” 

Joel was close and he was a damn good shot but the only part of this man he could reliably hit was his head and that was right by yours. Even if he hit him dead on, at this range, there was a chance the bullet would go through his head and into yours. 

“Alright!” Joel said, thinking quickly. “Alright. I’m gonna lower my gun, need you to keep the knife where I can see it.” 

“Joel!” You cried, eyes wide and pleading. 

“S’OK baby,” he said, putting the gun down slowly. “It’s gonna be OK. He’s not gonna hurt you, it’s gonna be OK.” He turned his attention back to the man. “Keep your eyes on me. I’m lowering the gun.” 

He nodded quickly, watching Joel, and he lowered his weapon slowly, aiming it just off to the side as he did. But instead of putting the gun on the ground, Joel shot, aiming for the tire of the car and hitting it. 

Things moved quickly then. Joel dropped the gun and ran for you. The man jumped in shock at the gun shot and then tried to get a better grip on you but Joel reached him before he did, ripping you away from him, you collapsing to the pavement as Joel threw the man to the ground. 

He tackled him then, the man swinging the knife uselessly at Joel but he was easily able to knock it away, pinning the man below him and then punching him across the face. 

Joel had only intended to hit him to knock him out, just enough to protect you, but once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop, the man screaming and writhing below him. Joel hit him again and again, the man’s hands scrambling against his chest, trying to shove him away but Joel was bigger, stronger and lost in the satisfaction of destroying him. 

Because it was satisfying. This man had tried to take you, hurt you, kill you. He’d tried to make Joel have to hold your broken body as you bled out in his arms, just like he had five years earlier, he’d tried to take one of the only things left in this world that mattered and destroy it simply because he could and Joel could make him pay. He’d never been able to get justice from his daughter’s killer but he could get justice from this man. He could make sure this man never, ever hurt you again. 

He hit him again and again and again until his fist and jacket sleeves and the face of the watch you’d given him were bloodied and the man below him stopped shoving at Joel, his body going limp. His chest wasn’t moving. 

Joel finally stopped punching him then, his knuckles ruined, and he panted for breath, looking down at what remained of the man. Because he wasn’t a man anymore, he was a body. He was dead. The man was dead and Joel had killed him and he knew that something in him should feel bad about that but he couldn’t. All he could feel was this righteous satisfaction that he’d kept you safe. This was what he was supposed to do, what he was built to do. He was supposed to protect you - even if it killed him he was supposed to protect you - and he had. 

He went to make sure the knife was out of the man’s reach - just in case he was wrong about the fact that he was dead - and it was. But it was also bloody and it was too far away for that blood to be from Joel’s assault. 

“No,” he breathed, looking, frantic, for you. 

He found you quickly, lying flat on your back, your eyes wide and afraid. You were shaking and there was blood at your chest, enough that it had smeared on your skin and turned some of the silver beads of your gown red. 

“No, no, no,” he scrambled for you and those wide, terrified eyes found his. “No, you’re OK baby, you’re OK.” 

He looked you over quickly, his hands ranging over your body, taking stock, and he realized that he wasn’t going to have to hold your body, too. The man had cut you but it wasn’t deep and gaping. It wasn’t like her. You were hurt but you would be OK and he took a deep, centering breath. You were going to live. He wasn’t going to need to find a way to survive a world without you in it, you were going to live.

His hands were cautious on you then, gentle, as he tried to pull you into his arms but you threw your arms around his neck, practically clawing up his body until you were pressed tightly to him. Your whole body shook and you sobbed, heavy and racking as you gulped frantic breaths against him. 

“Joel,” your voice was muffled by his shirt and he could feel the wet of your blood and tears on him. “He… he was going…” 

“I know,” he said softly, clutching you against him and rocking you gently. He could barely breathe. There were sirens in the distance. You were alive. You weren’t dying in his arms, he wasn’t going to have to put you in the ground, you were alive. You were alive. He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. 

“Please don’t leave me,” you clung to him. “Please don’t go, please don’t leave me, please.” 

He held you closer, tighter.  

“Not going anywhere,” he whispered. “I’ve got you baby. You’re OK. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll protect you. You’re safe. I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.” 

Next Chapter

A/N: OH THEY'RE IN IT NOWWWWWWW

I'm so excited for the next chapter you guys. So excited. So so so so so so SO excited.

I've only been picturing it since I first came up with this fic, nothing crazy at all, nope, not squealing and kicking my lil feelies one bit.

Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you've enjoyed the journey these characters have been on together and I hope you enjoy where they're going next, too!

Love you!!

Taglist: @christinamadsen@eff4freddie@brittmb115@copperhalfcent@r3dheadedwitch@pedropascalsbbg@lovelyjess69@yopossum@moel-jiller@picketniffler@lilyevanstan1325@reluctanthalfwayoptimism@wintersquirrel@missladym1981@mellymbee @canthinkof1user @inept-the-magnificent@secretlyangelic@pedrobae@scarletsloveletter@phry-k@sunnytuliptime

[tightjeansjavi]

the feel of coldness only water brings

A/N: so this is the unplanned part two of this Joel drabble I wrote called wildflowers. I just woke up this morning to some lovely reblogs on it, thus inspiring this piece 🥺 oh, and I also thought of @beefrobeefcal and her beefy, fat! Joel fics that are so so good while I was writing this!

~word count: 1.6k~

Summary: you convince Joel to join you for a swim in a lake while on patrol despite his insecurities

Pairing | joel x f!reader

Warnings: implied smut, fluff, angst (so sorry) non specified age gap between Joel and the reader, body insecurities(Joel), self deprecating thoughts, real bodies, natural body changes with age etc, language, teasing, flirting, body appreciation/worship, peepaw!joel, grumpy!joel, sunshine reader, reader has no physical descriptions (outside of wearing a bra and panties) +18 minors dni!

Sweat beads and drips down from the base of his hairline and slowly seeps into the fabric of his shirt, staining the fabric naturally. His steel toed boots stop at the water's edge, soft ripples lapping at the worn leather with a soft audible swish. The lake is crystalline, and beneath the glass surface he sees a million different rocks, all shapes and sizes and textures. The mountain air is crisp, refreshing as he inhales deeply.

The high noon sun blinds his vision momentarily, but he welcomes it. The fabric of his shirt is beginning to grow itchy, scratching at his skin from the beading perspiration. He kicks a stray rock into water, watching as it sinks into the shallow depths.

“Joel.” Your voice carries over the water, your head and shoulders bobbing like a cork in the middle of the glistening lake. “You said it yourself, there’s no infected out here, and the water is so refreshing. Won’t you join me?”

His shoulders tense beneath the fabric of his shirt, his jaw clenches, teeth grinding. He squints, bringing his hand over his forehead to block out the blinding rays, “M’fine here, darlin.’” He chuffs out, “Besides, one of us has to be on alert.” He added, rationalizing his decision.

“Is it because you can’t swim?” It was a safe assumption to make.

He shook his head, kicking another rock with the toe of his boot. “It ain’t that.”

“Okay, so you can swim? Well, then what’s the issue? C’mon, baby. You’re practically sweating right through your shirt.” You said teasingly, hoping to see the corners of his permanent set frown quirk upwards, just for you.

“It’s silly.” He wavered, eyes casting downwards to his boots. “M’just—insecure s’all. Don’t want you to uh—see me like that.” He was never the best with communicating, but he tried with you, and that’s all you could ever really ask for.

“Joel, it’s not silly. If it makes you feel any better, you can keep your clothes on? It doesn’t matter to me because I think you're handsome, and your real body isn’t gonna suddenly make me stop feeling the way I do for you.” You reassured him with a soft smile.

“If I keep my clothes on m’gonna sink like a fuckin’ rock.” He forced out a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck with a huff. “Y’say that now…” he trailed off, gnawing on the inside of his cheek. “But ‘m littered with scars, baby. Got grays on my chest and—m’barely fittin’ in my jeans these days. Should probably hold off on extra—”

“Joel.” You sighed, “I’m gonna stop you right there. Cause everything you just described to me?” You lifted your hands up from under the water in emphasis, “is a real fucking body. More importantly, it’s your body. You’re a healthy man, Joel. Your jeans ain’t fitting the same because you’re no longer in survival mode. You’re getting to indulge in a way that you weren’t able to in over 20 years. You're strong, but you're also soft in the right places.”

He doesn't believe you, of course. He would argue that it was because he had grown old and lazy like a house cat. You didn’t give him the chance, however.

“I love how soft and squishy your stomach is. You know why?”

He shook his head, feeling a flush creep up his neck and face,

“Because it acts as the perfect pillow for my head when we’re napping, and I love to grab onto your love handles when we’re cuddlin.’ Love to feel the way it presses into me when we hug. Or when you’re takin’ me from behind.”

“You’re just sayin’ that.” He scoffed.

“Am I?” You challenged him as you pulled yourself out of the water, dripping wet in just your flimsy pair of bra and panties.

“Don’t.” He warned you, taking a step to the side when you reached out to touch him. As if he was a frightened animal shying away. “M’jus’ a fat old man, darlin.’ Don’t gotta lie to me, sweetheart. I can accept the truth.” He was on the edge of snapping, nearly baring his teeth.

“Joel.” You said softly, “stop that. I ain’t have a reason to lie to you. Never have, never will.”

“You don’t have to protect my heart, darlin.’ S’okay. I ain’t deservin’ of your kindness. Don’t know why you even waste your time with a man like me—”

You looped your thumbs into the worn belt loops of his jeans and yanked him towards you swiftly despite his faint protests. “Would you shut up, please?”

Loose pebbles crunched beneath his heavy boots when you pulled him towards you and his hands naturally found your waist, big palms splayed across your damp skin. “Don’t you think you deserve yourself a real man? Someone who—isn’t like me?”

“You are a real man, Joel.” You gently remind him and slowly slip your thumbs from the belt loops of his jeans. “You’re beautiful, and I just wish you could see what I see.”

“Beautiful?” He scoffed, nose twitching when he felt your hands slowly slide up the expanse of his covered chest, “that ain’t me, sweetheart.” He rasped, tilting his chin downwards so he could watch your fingers gently toy with the buttons on his shirt.

“It is you, Joel. And one day you’ll wake up and realize it. And when that day comes, you’ll look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful, and you are loved, and you are deserving of kindness and softness for as long as Mother Nature lets me have you.”

He could feel himself slowly begin to cave from your words, tears pricking in the corner of his eyes, and he would claim that it was just from the blinding sun and the irritating sweat dripping from his brow. “Don’t know what I did to deserve you, darlin.’ Don’t think I’ll ever understand it. You could have your pick of men in Jackson, and you choose me?” He stifled a chuckle, dipping his chin down further so he could kiss the edge of your fingertips.

“You’re worth more than the whole damn bunch, Joel. Stubborn ass of a man, but I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“Undress me.” He murmured, swallowing the lump rising in his throat, “M’yours.”

You smiled, dragging your thumb against his jaw and slowly tilted his chin upwards so your eyes could meet, “Remember, it’s just you and me out here. Nothin’ but miles and miles of wilderness.”

“Kiss me.” He whispered, tightening his grip around your hips, pulling you in closer.

Your lips brush, testing the waters before you fully kiss him. Tasting the sweat from his brow that had trickled down his lips. Soft, chapped, warm and familiar against your own.

Your fingers worked the buttons of his shirt open, exposing his skin to the warm rays from the sun. You pushed the strained fabric down his shoulders, letting the shirt fall to the pebbles below. You traced his scars with delicate movements, detaching your lips from his so you could follow the path your fingers created. You nipped at the softness of his bicep, pressing open mouthed kisses that trailed down his arm to his hand. You kissed each knuckle, each callous with your eyes staying locked on his.

You squeezed the soft plump flesh of his love handles, imagining yourself using them as an anchor when you would ride his cock in the early morning hours when neither of you could sleep.

You dragged your nose against the swell of his belly, feeling him tense up before melting into your touch like a pad of butter on a hot pan. You inhaled his musky scent, dragging your lips southwards through the dark hair of his happy trail, pressing a kiss there, too.

Your fingers moved in muscle memory as you undid his belt, tugging his too tight jeans over his hips and strong thighs, letting them pool at his ankles.

He watches your every move, brows furrowed together at the sight of you on your knees between his thighs. He hopes to god there is no danger lurking nearby. He wants this memory etched into his brain for the rest of his days.

He breathes out a strained puff of air from between his parted lips when you press the tip of your nose against the underside of his heavy cock, and the drag of your hot tongue through the strained fabric.

A groan bubbles up his throat, spilling over and he presses his hips into your face, the swell of his belly brushing against the crown of your head.

You giggle, nipping lightly at the fabric, feeling his cock twitch and harden. You watch his eyes roll back, words tumbling out in tandem.

“Do. Not. Tease. Me.” He growled and you giggled at his response.

“If you want more…you’re just gonna have to catch me!” You rose from your knees before he could grab ahold of you, stepping back with that glint in your eye.

“Hey! That ain’t fair and you know it!” He huffed, already struggling to unlace his boots so he could pull his jeans off completely. He cursed under his breath when he watched you dive back into the refreshing waters.

“Gonna get you back for this.” He grumbled to himself, fighting the urge to grin at the warmth that he felt flooding in his chest.

You heard a loud splash just as you resurfaced, and two dark brown eyes locked onto you like a target as you playfully swam away.

Your giggles and his deep, raspy laughter filled the hot summer air like a song that you would play on repeat, over and over again.

Banners made by the lovely @saradika-graphics 💕

Follow @tightjeansjaviupdates for fic updates and notifications

[honeyedmiller]

Hiraeth | Joel Miller

pairing: dbf!joel x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors do not interact

warnings: no outbreak, usage of marijuana, smoking, both reader and Joel get high, age gap (twenty-ish years), very much legal + consensual relations, smut (f oral receiving, fingering), pet names, no use of y/n.

word count: 1k

synopsis: the most invigorating and intoxicating drug you’ve had in your life is completely forbidden… and then there’s weed.

divider by @saradika-graphics

hiraeth (noun): the feeling of being homesick for a home one is not able to return to; homesickness pertaining to a home that never was.

You took another hit, the joint slotted between your fingers crackling in urgency. You hummed as your lungs burned so good, desperate for the warm summer night air that engulfed your body. You closed your eyes as you let the high roll through your body, sighing in content. 

Your legs were tossed over Joel’s lap—the same Joel you shouldn’t be anywhere near because he was supposed to be off limits. Your shorts were unbuttoned and your bright colored swimsuit bottoms peeked through, teasing Joel with a reminder of what you looked like in his pool just hours prior. 

Joel threw neighborhood barbecues all the time, and with your dad being his best friend, you were always invited. 

You knew it was wrong to be fucking your dad’s best friend, someone twenty—give or take—years your senior. 

But how could something so wrong feel so right? 

Joel tapped your leg and you peeked an eye open. He was looking down at you with bemusement written over his features, holding two fingers out for you to pass the nearly finished joint to him. You happily obliged, handing it off to him before settling back down into the depths of the comfy outdoor couch on Joel’s backyard patio. 

Joel’s thumb was rubbing over your shin slowly, gently tracing circles into the freshly shaved flesh. Your eyes opened again and Joel was staring at you this time, eyes hooded and dark with desire. 

“We’re lucky your father doesn’t hover.” Joel murmurs into the night, sighing as his free hand trails higher up your legs. 

“I know. Then we wouldn’t be able to do all the things we’d want if he did hover.” You huff a laugh, and Joel quirks a brow at you before offering the last of the joint. You shook your head slightly, and he took one last hit before he stubbed out the dud. 

“Things, hm?” He asks, hand dipping into the waistline of your shorts. His fingers skate over your covered cunt, and goosebumps easily rise onto your skin. 

Your brain is foggy and you feel like you’re floating, and Joel’s touch feels like heaven. 

“Will you let me eat your pretty pussy, baby?” Joel’s voice is husky, a lazy smirk pulled onto his velvet lips. 

“Please.” 

Your senses are elevated, so every single touch he gives you is one that has you reeling. 

“Such a good girl, usin’ her manners n’ all.” 

You bite your lip and look at him, eyes no doubt half-lidded. If you weren’t high, it probably would’ve been a sultry look. 

Joel’s quick to take off your shorts, prompting you to sit upright so he can kneel down in front of you. His kisses up your thighs are all lips and tongue, making you breathe harder as he gets closer to your aching core. He kisses you once over the fabric of your bikini bottoms, and you softly whine his name. 

“Patience, sweetheart. I’ll take good care of ya.” 

Joel slips the material off of your legs, only to be met with your glistening core. 

He’s looking at you like a man starved, irises black and laced with determination and desire. 

He brings a hand up and runs two fingers through your slick folds, groaning at how easy the glide is. He brings his fingers up to his mouth, sucking on them both to taste you. 

“So fuckin’ sweet. Like nectar from a peach, baby.” He moans, not wanting to waste any more time. He moves forward and, with a flat tongue, licks a long stripe from your aching hole to your puffy clit. 

You gasp and your fingers are tangling in his curls, eyebrows threading together at how intensified it feels. 

And he doesn’t relent. He’s working at you with his tongue, slow and lascivious. Every fiber of your being tingles with a euphoric pleasure as he laps up your seemingly never ending arousal. 

“Holy fuck,” You cry, gripping his hair tighter. He moans into you with a chuckle before he brings his tongue down to fuck into you at an increased pace. Your back arches off of the couch as you roll your hips, legs starting to shake. 

“Close already, baby?” Joel tsks, and you groan in response. 

Joel knew you and your body like the back of his hand, so he could easily make you come undone within minutes. 

Sometimes it wasn’t fair, because if it were up to you, you’d have him down there forever. You don’t think he’d really mind it either. 

Joel moves his tongue out of you and up up up toward your aching clit, licking tight circles around it before sucking the sensitive nerves into his mouth. He inserts the two fingers that were previously teasing you minutes prior into your needy cunt, expertly pumping at a synchronized pace with his mouth. 

“Jesus fuck Joel, ‘m gonna come.” Your voice is whiny and desperate and so fucking breathy that you barely even recognize it. It was only him that could make you feel like this. Nobody else, just Joel. 

Joel Joel Joel. 

You felt the crescendo of your orgasm building quickly, and Joel pulled his mouth away for a split second as his fingers curled themselves in your tight heat to hit that spot that make you see the whole galaxy behind your eyes. 

“Can feel it, sweet girl. C’mon baby. Give it t’me. Wanna drink you up.” 

And you were a fucking goner. Your eyes rolled back as that tight coil snapped, rushing through your body so intensely it nearly made you dizzy. You gushed onto his fingers and in his mouth, and he drank up every last thing you offered him. 

You were desperate to catch your breath, body unsubstantial as you melted into the couch. You winced as Joel slowly pulled out his fingers, groaning at the loss of fullness. 

You open your tired eyes to look at him, and he gives you a soft smile before kissing you. You taste yourself on him, but he also tastes like mint and whiskey and Joel. 

He made you feel so invigorated. You couldn’t get enough of him. He felt safe. He felt like home.

Maybe in another life—one where he wasn’t your dad’s best friend and where he wasn’t twenty something years older than you—

You could be selfish for once and have it all. 

tags: @party-hearses ; @ilovepedro ; @punkshort ; @tinygarbage ; @amanitacowboy ; @nostalxgic ; @pascalpvnk ; @cool-iguana

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Because I adore the elementary series ; I’m curious if there will be more drabbles about their first baby & the cute moments like the birth, first shots, first everything; smiles, first mom insecurities, etc.

My apologies if you are not taking any requests of the sort! 🫢

The Firsts

pairing: elementary!joel miller x f!reader

rating: M (talks of labor from a person who’s never given birth so bare with me, talks of shots/needles, first-time mother highs and lows, joel being the husband of our dreams)

wc: no clue but probably around 2-3k?

a/n: sorry this took so long @jennfromthebayarea !! this semester’s been a bitch, but i’m trying to find the spark to write again so bare with me if this is a pile of shit 🫶🏼

elementary masterlist

| The First Delivery |

Though you were well warned and made aware of the pain caused by childbirth, nothing compared to the reality of a contraction, or the searing pain of pushing a baby through your fucking vagina.

Even Joel seemed to have underestimated what birth would be like, his face pale and sweaty as he stood at your side, allowing you to squeeze his hand so hard he was sure it was broken.

“You’re doin’ so good, baby,” he cooed, wiping the sweat that gathered on your forehead away with a damp cloth. “Can already see her head.”

“Fuck this,” you cried, tossing your head back into the pillow you brought from home, your eyes clamped shut as you pushed again, hoping that this one would be the last.

“Doin’ so good,” he murmured against your hairline as he pressed a kiss there. “Just a few more pushes, baby.”

“I’m getting the epidural next time,” you panted, taking a second of rest to gather your strength.

“Next time?” he grinned, but you didn’t reply as you started to push again, hard enough to get her shoulders out. “Hardest part’s over, baby. Soon she’s gonna be cryin’ her eyes out in your arms.”

“Can’t wait,” you groaned, your head rolling back against the pillows. “This better be the last one.”

“Go on, then,” he urged with a smile. “Gimme our new babygirl.”

Though it felt like the next few minutes took hours to pass, your entire body screaming at you from overexertion, none of the pain seemed to matter or register the second that the room filled with your daughter’s gargled little cries. Joel let out a choked sound, something between pure joy and disbelief, as he left your side to cradle your messy newborn in his arms. Neither of you were capable of listening to the nurses or doctor’s congratulations as he carefully lowered your bundled up daughter to your chest, her screams music to your ears just because it meant that she was finally here.

She was real, made up of equal parts you and Joel. His dark hair and your kind eyes, his curved nose and your lips. The epitome of love come to life.

“Oh, babygirl,” Joel cooed, a tear rolling down his cheek. “You sure put up a fight on the way out.”

You laughed, something exhausted and yet so full of love and joy and relief.

“I can’t believe…” You shook your head, allowing your tears and emotions a moment to breathe before turning your glossy eyes to your husband. “We made her. Isn’t that insane?”

“I think we did a pretty good job,” he chuckled, lifting a thumb to wipe a rolling tear from your face. “Got all her fingers and toes. Looks like you, not like me. I’d say she’s perfect.”

You gave him a loving pout, rolling your eyes before turning back to your slightly calmer daughter in time for the nurses to take her away for a little clean up.

“How long ‘til she’s back?” Joel asked, his eyes fixed on his daughter as they laid her in her cart.

“Just a minute,” the nurse assured with a smile.

“I still have to push out the—“

“God, forgot about all that,” Joel winced, resuming his seat beside the head of the hospital bed, his hand finding yours. “You know how proud I am, baby? How much I love you?”

“How about you remind me,” you grinned, eyes batting with exhaustion. Joel leaned over, his lips ghosting against yours.

“So fuckin’ proud,” he murmured in between kisses. “And so fuckin’ in love with my wife. Mother of my girls. Fuckin’ everything to me, baby. Everything.”

| The First Shot |

“How long are we supposed t’wait?” Joel groaned, adjusting his posture in the uncomfortable plastic chair in the pediatrician’s waiting room. You grabbed his wrist, lifting the face of his watch up to read the time. “How long we been here?”

“An hour,” you sighed, letting your head fall back against the wall as you let your dry, tired eyes rest for a moment while Iris took a nap in her car seat on the floor in front of the two of you.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he cautioned, reaching his hand over to lay flat on the top of your denim-covered thigh, his touch warm and soothing even in all your irritability. “Y’know they’re gonna call us as soon—“

“Miller family?” the nurse called from the door leading to the patient rooms. With a rub of your eyes, you stood up along with Joel who, thankfully, already had Iris’ car seat handled. The nurse smiled at the three of you in a way that looked trained rather than genuine, but given your exhaustion and annoyance at having to be out in the world doing real people things with a newborn, you might just be extra critical. “Hi, come on back, guys.”

“S’about time,” Joel muttered under his breath, seemingly just as cranky and desperate to get home as you. “Any reason it took an hour for us to get called back?”

“Just a hectic day, I do apologize,” she offered, though once again…trained. Leading you down a hall, she pointed at a room with an open door on the right. “Right through here.”

Joel was even more tense than you as the two of you watched the nurse take your diaper clad newborn’s vitals before handing her back, Joel’s hands quick to take her into his arms.

“Fuckin’ cold in here,” he murmured as the nurse left the two of you with the assurance that the doctor would be right in. “Baby girl’s probably freezin’.”

“She’s behaving at least,” you said, reaching over to place her blanket over her as Joel kept her cradled in his arms. “No tears yet.”

“Until the needles come out,” he snarked.

“Just because you faint every time a needle comes near you—“

The sound of quick, sure knocks cut you off as the doctor walked in. “Miller family?”

“Yep,” you offered her a smile.

“Alright, and this must be Iris,” she said, walking over to Joel. “May I?”

Joel looked tempted to tell her to fuck off but conceded, handing Iris over.

“She’s a cutie, isn’t she?” she asked as she rested Iris on the examination table.

“All from her mama,” Joel added, forcing a smile onto your face.

“Well, her stats are looking great,” she said, pressing her stethoscope to Iris’s chest. “Only thing left to do is give her some shots, and I’m gonna need one of your help for that.”

“Joel,” you nudged him, not entirely confident in your ability to keep your daughter still in the middle of a potential tantrum.

“I’ll faint,” he said, no humor in his voice. “You gotta.”

“Fine,” you sighed, nerves coursing through you as the doctor walked Iris over to you. “How many shots?”

“Three today,” she said as she and the nurse set up the needles.

“Okay,” you nodded, taking deep calming breaths while Joel chose to close his eyes altogether as the doctor walked over with the first needle. “Alright, baby girl. Don’t hate me.”

“Just a quick pinch,” the doctor said as she injected the shot into Iris’s right thigh, the so-called “quick pinch” tearing a wail from your daughters chest.

“Oh, baby,” you frowned, holding her tight as she screamed her lungs out. “Just two more.”

The crying didn’t end until the three of you were seated in the car, the color drained from your faces as you all recovered in silence.

“Next time, I’m leavin’ the room for the shots,” Joel said, turning the key in the ignition.

“I feel so bad,” you frowned, leaning your head back against the headrest to listen to your daughters sniffles. “Poor baby.”

“Fuckin’ doctors,” Joel grumbled, shaking his head. “Makin’ babies cry.”

“Absolute sickos,” you agreed with a chuckle.

| The First Steps |

“Baby!” Joel’s yell was almost enough to get you to drop the sudsy plate in your hand as you washed the dishes. You quickly set the plate down and wiped your hands off on the dish towel hanging off the oven door before hustling out to the backyard where Joel, Sarah, and Iris were.

“What happened?” you asked in a panic, finding Joel half-crouched over with his back turned to you.

“Look,” he smiled over his shoulder before nudging his head to call you over. You hesitantly approached, rounding his frame until you saw what had him smiling so hard.

“She’s standing!” Sarah announced, squatting in front of her little sister while she held onto two of Joel’s fingers for balance.

“Stay,” you ordered the three of them before sprinting inside to grab your camera. When you returned to the patio, however, you almost forgot what you’d set out to do as Iris, guided by Joel’s clunky steps behind her, waddled and stumbled towards you. “Damn it, I don’t want to cry.”

Joel laughed, “Take the damn picture, baby.”

You sniffled away your tears and held the camera up, watching through the viewfinder as Joel leaned down to blow a raspberry against Iris’s cheek, making her laugh. You clicked the camera a couple times, determined to get a good photo unlike all of your previous attempts at documenting her growth—closed eyes, frozen frames of her right before she turned herself red with a tantrum, dribble flooding down her chin.

“Jesus, I’m getting this framed,” you cooed, frowning adoringly at the picture. “She looks so much like you when she smiles, Joel.”

“Poor girl,” Sarah teased, walking up to you to look at the picture. “She is a cutie, though. Especially when she’s not covered in barf or drool or snot or—“

“Like you were any different?” Joel teased her right back as he scooped Iris into his arms to settle her on his hip. “Had to get rid of half my shirts back in the day ‘cause someone wouldn’t stop pukin’ on me.”

“I probably did you a favor given your fashion sense,” she returned with a flip of her curls.

“Okay, you two,” you chuckled, handing Sarah the camera before reaching for your daughter. “You interrupted my chores so now they belong to you. I’m gonna go cuddle with my precious little—“ A whiff of something familiar hit you the second you hugged Iris closer. “Oof. More like my stinky little girl.”

“You’re takin’ diaper duty over dishes?” Joel asked, arching his brow.

“You’re right,” you said, handing your daughter back to him. “You’ve been doing it longer than me, I’m sure you’re better at—“

“Load of shit,” he laughed, leaning over to kiss your cheek. “Sarah’s got the dishes. You go sit down and think of some new ways to manipulate me into changing her diapers. Material’s gettin’ stale.”

| The First Day |

“Joel,” you sniffled as you started on Iris’s hair for her first day of preschool. “I can’t drop her off. I’m gonna have a breakdown and then she’s gonna have a breakdown and then I’m just going to cave and bring her home. You have to go do it.”

“Baby,” he laughed, his voice still coarse from sleep as he leaned in the doorway of Iris’s bedroom with a cup of coffee in hand. “S’gonna be fine.”

“No, it’s not,” you returned, more snippy than you’d intended. “I’m already a blubbering mess.”

“Mama,” Iris frowned, turning in your lap to stare at the tears sliding down your cheeks. “S’okay. Don’ cry.”

“Mama’s alright, baby,” Joel intervened, setting his coffee on the dresser before coming over to sit on her twin mattress beside the two of you, his arm wrapping around your waist. “You’re excited to go to school, ain’t ya?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, flashing a toothy smile. “Sissy said it’s not scary, so I’m not scared.”

“Good, there’s no reason to be,” he smiled at her before turning to you. “See? She’s good, baby.”

“But I’m not,” you managed through a whisper. Joel frowned and reached over to wipe your cheek free of your tears. “Can you please just come with me? I know you’ve got work but—“

“I’ll call Tommy n’ let him know,” he said, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “How ‘bout you go take a second to yourself and I’ll finish up here? Sound good?”

You gave him the sort of smile that screamed appreciation and undying devotion, one that was reserved just for him. “I love you.”

Joel placed a kiss on your shoulder and scooped your five year old out of your lap and onto his. “We love you more, mama. Don’t we?”

“Mmhm,” Iris grinned. “More than the whole wide world.

“Don’t get me started again,” you chuckled, wiping a few fresh, happier tears from your waterline. “Alright. Pig tails, she said.”

“What’s that? A lopsided ponytail? Comin’ right up.”

[corazondebeskar-reads]

all I did was what I had to - part two

all I did was what I had to miniseries

part two: this world is not made for you

series masterlist | part one | part two | part three

dark!raider/hunter!Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: After a near-death experience, you thank Joel on your knees in an abandoned Burger King. (This takes place before parts one and three but is best read in this order.)

Warnings: dark, dub-con, dark!Joel Miller, raider/hunter!Joel Miller, muddled themes of captivity, attempted sexual assault (not by Joel), canon-typical violence, dead dove do not eat, watersports, piss drinking, oral (m receiving), d/s dynamics if you squint, humiliation, punishment

Inspired by this prompt list from @absurdthirst. I did not come up with raider/hunter!Joel or dark!Joel and many great writers have built in this sandbox before me

also on ao3

“What's got you all riled up, huh?” Joel asks as you’re drying your face off on the back of his shirt. He had done the same with yours, given that it was essentially the only unsoiled spot on either of your outfits.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh yeah? You haven’t kept your eyes off me all afternoon. What would I find if I checked your panties?”

“M’not wearing any.”

He should know, he provides all of your clothes.

Joel laughs, turning around and grabbing you by the bicep. “That’s right.”

He pushes you down, but you go willingly. He wasn’t wrong. You’d been buzzing with unspent adrenaline, the image of him haunting you. The blood on his shirt and arms is still wet from when you encountered the first man at the edge of the woods. Joel, with wild curls and wilder eyes, had crept up behind him, wrapped an arm around his chest, and slit his throat.

From your knees on the muddy, chipped tile, you can see blood splatter under his chin, barely visible in his beard. It probably shouldn't be making you wetter.

The men's bathroom of an abandoned Burger King is as gross as it sounds, but the windows of the restaurant were busted out, and you needed a place to breathe after the fight.

Well, he needed a place to breathe after the fight. You needed a place to breathe after, well. After.

He looked down at you and shook his head. “Bein’ good now ain’t gonna save ya from being in trouble.”

Damn. You knew he was still mad.

When he had finished carving up the fourth and last hunter, still in the throes of bloodlust, he had rounded on you.

“This is why I didn’t want to bring you out here. I told you it wasn’t fuckin’ safe.” He shook the blade at you like a teacher waggling a finger at a pupil.

“I’m sorry,” you had whispered. But you weren’t as meek as you should be, not as cowed. Because he had killed them all for you. “Maybe if I could—”

He stalked up, grabbing your (his) shirt in one fist, the bloody knife still clutched in the other. “If you could what, huh? If you could pay attention to your fucking surroundings? If you could stop wanderin’ off?”

“I wasn’t wandering! I was just trying to give you a little privacy; I only went around the corner.” You tried to look at him, but all you could see was the knife. And the blood on his forearm by your face.

He shook his head. “I told you to stay close. You wanted to go out so bad. Ain’t any bathrooms outside, sweetheart. What did you fuckin’ expect?”

“If I could just have a-a knife or a—”

“Shut up. You know you ain’t gettin’ a gun or a knife. Jesus.”

“You could teach me, I could do it.”

“I said shut up.” He shakes you by the fist in your shirt, and you purse your lips shut, eyes infuriatingly wet.

He let go, letting you stumble back. “Good girl. Now let’s get going.”

Neither of you spoke until you reached the Burger King.

Now, you wait patiently for his cock, with your mouth open, tongue out, just like he liked, hands clasped behind your back. “M’not trying to get out of trouble.”

“Oh yeah? Just need my dick in your throat?”

You nod.

He grabs your head and starts to unbuckle his belt, and you can’t help it; you jerk and scramble backward, catching yourself on your hands.

He’s so surprised that he lets go. You’ve never once tried to pull away, never refused him anything. Sure, you’ve hesitated for a moment, or flinched, but he’s not a monster, he didn't count those against you.

He puts his hands up, belt hanging loose, but you don’t see. You’re tensing every muscle, eyelids squeezed tight.

“Hey,” he says.

You startle and look up at him, and start to cry. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I promise, I’ll be good.”

He finds he likes your tears a lot less when he hasn't caused them. He crouches down in front of you. The blood dried in your hair and soaking your shirt is enough of a reminder of what must have happened right before he found you. “Shit, sweetheart, I didn’t think about it. C’mere.” He pulls you in, and you let him wrap his arms around you while you cry.

Later, you’ll look back on moments like that and what comes after, and wonder why you don’t care more. Why it’s okay when it’s Joel. Why it didn’t even occur to you to try to take his gun when it’s just the two of you out here, in the middle of fucking nowhere, with no one around to avenge him.

It’s not a hard question to answer, but it’s a hard answer to admit.

When you’ve calmed a little, he stands back up. He’s scowling, brow furrowed. It’s not a good omen, but there’s nothing to do but settle back onto your knees and wait.

He shakes his head. “I think we gotta do it, sweetheart. Gotta erase it from your mind. Should only be me you think about when you’re down there.”

It’s not a surprise, really. You had known, when he found you at the hunter’s mercy, that you’d pay for it somehow. For getting yourself in that situation after everything he does to protect you.

So, even though a few more tears slip free, you open your mouth, tongue out, and wait.

��Knew you were still my good girl,” he says, and grabs you. He gets his cock out and holds you there, two inches from the thick, drooling tip.

It's hard not to fight, at first. You have to take tattered breaths through your open mouth. But it helps, somehow, that he doesn't take his eyes off you.

You hate that he’s right. You hate that the longer you kneel here, forced to relive this morning, that you feel better. You’re not scared. It’s Joel. And he didn’t let that man hurt you, wouldn’t let him keep hurting you in your mind.

After a few more minutes, your traitorous brain sees nothing more than his hand around his cock and how the same hand had been wrapped around the knife, had slit the hunter's throat. You’re desperate for it. You beg, and he grins.

“See? Nice ‘n easy. Alright, go ahead.” He lets go completely. For now, at least. He usually likes to fuck your face to finish, no matter how it starts.

You swallow him down, pushing until you choke and struggling to stay there. You give him your gratitude the best way you know how, the way he’s trained you to. You only pull off for a moment to ask permission to use your hands, which he grants you.

You wrap one around his thigh for leverage, pulling yourself closer and holding tight. You roll his balls with the other, squeezing gently and caressing. It’s wet and noisy, but you’ve long since shed any embarrassment about sucking him off.

He was mean, but he wasn’t stupid. He didn’t humiliate you about the things he wanted you to do with fervor. And he liked you begging and desperate for his cock.

He only holds you down at the end, when he cums down your throat. When he lets go, he steps back and looks at you.

“If somethin’ like that ever happens again, if anyone else tries to touch you, you bite ‘em.” He wipes spilled cum from the corner of your lip with his thumb and pushes it inside your mouth. “You bite their fuckin’ prick off if you can. They’ll make enough noise that I’ll be able to find you.”

He withdraws his thumb, and his face turns to stone. “Not that it’ll happen, ‘cause you’re never leaving the goddamn house again.”

Your face falls, but you nod.

“Speaking of which, sweetheart. You have somethin' to make up to me still. Now, I don’t want to punish you. You’ve had a hard day.”

The pause is bait, but you don’t fall for it. You don’t whine or thank him, not yet. The glint in his eye tells you he’s not really sparing you.

“I think, instead, you need to learn a lesson.”

There it is. Lessons and punishments weren’t very distinguishable—to you, at least, since they usually ended up with you crying.

“What lesson do you think you need to learn, sweetheart?”

“I shouldn’t wander off.” You keep your voice quiet, head lowered, and hold still. If he thinks you’re already halfway there, he might go easy on you.

Or not.

“And why’d you wander off?”

“Because I—you were—”

“Spit it out, sweetheart.”

“Because you were, y’know, using the bathroom.”

“You mean takin’ a piss out in the open.”

“Yeah.”

“You scared of seeing a little piss? ‘Cause I know ya ain’t scared of my dick.”

“It’s private, I just—”

“No such thing with you and me, honey. You kissed that goodbye a long time ago. You’re just spoiled at home.”

Oh no. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s my fault, sweetheart. I spoiled ya. We’re just gonna have to get you used to it.”

You can tell when he decides what to do. His lips curl at the corner, and he strokes your cheek, so you know you’re in for it.

“Tell ya what. We can do it right now. Seems like the perfect place.”

You can’t say you’d ever have called a Burger King bathroom the perfect place for anything, even peeing. But he seems very pleased with the irony.

“Where do you want it, sweetheart? In your cunt?” He’s watching you too intently. “On your tits? In your mouth?”

You try to stop it, but you press your lips together sharply, stomach clenching.

“Bingo. You got it, sweetheart.”

You think about begging, but nauseatingly, it’s the best of the choices he gave you. The other two would leave you soaked all the way home.

He taps your lips. “Open up.”

You take a deep breath and force yourself to obey. Your muscles fight you, some part of you still sane enough to scream out against his treatment, but you win in the end.

Or, at least, Joel wins.

You look up at him. He’s full-out smirking now, not bothering to hide his excitement. You wonder if he’s actually turned on by pissing in you or if it’s just the power and humiliation.

Your bet’s on the second, otherwise, he’d have done it by now.

You know you're right when the next order comes.

“Touch your clit.”

“What?”

“Don’t talk back. Do as you’re fuckin’ told. I want you to rub your little clit while you drink my piss.”

You choke back a small sob and slide your hand down your sweatpants. Nausea swirls, and you start to breathe rapid and shallow.

He cups your cheek in his broad, rough palm, pleased when you obey. He pulls his cock back out and sets the tip on your extended tongue, leaving it there for a moment to watch your eyes widen, and your muscles tremble with the effort of holding still.

You’re still working at your clit, fingers rubbing hard as you try to concentrate on the pleasure. He rewards you by pushing his cock further into your mouth before he fills it, saving you the effort of struggling to swallow and sparing you from the strongest of the taste.

When he pulls back out, you sob freely. He crouches down and removes your hand from your cunt to replace it with his own. You’re wet enough that he dips three fingers right into you and grinds the heel of his hand against your clit.

“I got you, sweetheart. It’s okay. You did good. Go ahead and cum.”

And you do. You deny Joel nothing. And when you’re pleasantly dizzy after three orgasms, he pulls his hand out and sucks your juices off his fingers, groaning.

He stands up before reaching a hand to you to pull you up.

“Alright, let’s get goin’ home. I ain’t fuckin’ you on the floor here.”

We didn’t even find any books, you sulk in the privacy of your brain.

Except Joel was right. You have no privacy. When he glances at you, he knows. “Whatever you’re thinkin’, I suggest ya stop thinkin’ it real quick.”

The next time he returns from a raid, he tosses you a beat-up copy of “The Hobbit.”

*title from "Run Boy Run" by Woodkid, which I listened to on repeat while writing this, if you're looking for an authentic experience lol

[hsangel64]

✧.* munch ✧.*

pairings: college!ellie x reader

summary: this is a part two to whipped!

warnings: slight smut but not fully, dirty talk and some kissing ! y/n is used but not much

a/n: i hope you guys like this one i had fun writing it ! bandmates part 4 should be out by tomorrow morning !

not only is ellie whipped but she is a fuckin munch. she will eat you out wherever and whenever, you ask her out in public she will find a secluded area and eat you out. she will worship you whether it was sexual or just lovey dovey.

there has been many incidents where ellie will make you late for class or meeting up with a friend, like the time you and dina were going to go out to this cafe just outside of campus that had just opened up. dina asked if you wanted to study together and grab a coffee so you of course said yes. you had did your hair and makeup and chose to wear a skirt…that was your mistake.

“okay ellie i’m leaving!!” you yelled to her as you grabbed your bag as you heard ellie get up from the bed to bid you goodbye. you’re checking if you have everything when you hear a small gasp. you whip your head around concerned.

“is everything okay? do i need to change? is this too much i-“ she pulled you up and over her shoulder.

“ELLIE WHAT THE FUCK.” you squealed and then let out an ‘oof’ feeling ellie throw you on the bed.

“ellie what is wrong with you-“

“baby…you look so fuckin good please.”

“is that what this is about?” you giggled at her actions letting out a small moan feeling her start to kiss down your neck.

“els i have to go.”

“please please please let me eat you out baby you just look so good i don’t think i’ll be able to wait.”

“but dina is waiting!!” she shook her head and kept kissing your neck.

“ellie i gotta go.” she grabbed your face and kissed you hard. you were shocked but went with it and kissed her back. you couldn’t resist her kissing you it was one of your favorite things to do. ellie started to trail her up and down your body grabbing at your chest and then started to trail down to your skirt…let’s just say you had to MAJORLY apologize to dina after.

ellie literally gets off of your pleasure. she will cum while she’s eating you out. and whenever wherever really means whenever wherever. you guys were at a really nice dinner with joel, dina, jesse, tommy and maria like a little family dinner we did every month.

today out of all days ellie was exceptionally horny…so she did everything to tease you in front of everyone. of course this wasn’t the first time she’s done this. she does it quite often actually, but today was different. ellie was extra touchy and she didn’t even care.

you were just eating your dinner and all of a sudden her hand is on your clothed pussy. you nearly choked on your food feeling her touch you like this with with all your friends and family at the the table. you tried to give her a couple of looks to stop but of course she didn’t.

“so how have you been y/n?” you tried to pull yourself together to answer joel but your voice cracked.

“o-oh everything is great i’ve been good-“

“you okay?”

“oh yeah i just need to use the restroom excuse me-“ you got up and ran straight to the restroom. you looked in the mirror and rubbed your hands through your hair and just took some deep breaths. ellie was going to be the death of you.

the door had opened and you didn’t even notice until you felt someone turn you around. that someone being ellie.

“jesus els you scared me.”

“sorry baby you doing okay?” she smirked at you knowing damn well you went to the bathroom.

“don’t smirk at me like that.”

“why baby?” she lifted your chin to look up at her.

“you know what you did out there you can’t just touch me like that in front of everyone especially your family.” you grumbled and ellie laughed and pushed your hair out of your face.

“oh baby was i teasing too much?”

“yes now im really wet because of you.” you pouted. ellie then pulled you in for a small kiss which turned into a small makeout session. you guys had came to the conclusion you couldn’t be there anymore so you made an excuse that you were throwing up and not feeling good, so you guys left.

on the drive home ellie couldn’t wait and let’s just say you guys didn’t want till you got home and hopped into the backseat of the car.

[mendessi]

speak now | part five

pairing: fem!reader x pre-outbreak!joel

summary: joel saves you from the biggest mistake of your life

(this will end up being a multi-part story)

word count: 2.8k

warnings: smut probably, pre-outbreak, mentions of marriage, based off speak now by taylor swift, mentions of domestic abuse, joel is 26 & reader is 21, mentions of cheating, kind of slow burn, brief mention of death, angst, will add more as i think of them, not proofread

this chapter: kind of domestic joel at the very end

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

minors dni

"Do you have everything together?" Joel asked Tommy as he entered the hotel room.

"Yeah, all packed." He said.

"What time do you wanna head out tomorrow?"

Tommy hesitated and it came out as more of a question, "Two?"

"Two? We won't get to Austin til after midnight if we leave at two. I already told the Adler's we'd stay for dinner after getting Sarah." Joel almost raised his voice, but refrained. Tommy understood why he had been so touchy recently and gave him a pass because of it. He had lost you the only person he ever really loved.

"I asked around and she's getting married at two." Tommy told him, hoping Joel would pick up the rest.

"I'm not watching her get married." Joel finally snapped and then put his head in his hands muttering an apology to his brother.

"Not watch... Stop." Tommy said. "You can't let her get married to that man, Joel. Statistics don't lie and she will not survive that relationship."

"That's not my problem." The words stung coming off his tongue and it almost made him physically sick, "She doesn't love me and I don't love her. Just some summer fling."

"That's a lie and you know it." Tommy took a seat in the chair across from the bed. "Joel, you were like a love sick puppy following her around these last few weeks. Never in my life have I seen you so infatuated with somebody, let alone someone you just met."

"I know." Joel sighed. "I know. That's why it's hell, Tommy. Losing her to someone like him. It scares me thinkin what she'll go through. It makes my chest hurt like I can't breathe knowin that we'll be gone tomorrow and she'll just be stuck with him for the rest of her life. It fuckin hurts, Tommy."

"So don't let her get married tomorrow." Tommy told him.

"She doesn't want me." Joel shook his head and looked at the ground.

"I'm gonna tell you somethin, Joel." Tommy inhaled a short breath and then looked up at his devastated brother in front of him.

The next morning your annoying mother-in-law woke you up barely as the sun was rising, talking about how you had hair and makeup appointments to get to and that you needed to eat breakfast before doing so.

It felt like you were in your own personal hell being dragged around all morning by her. Barely touching your breakfast, the idea that you'd be married come this afternoon making you nauseous. If only this woman knew how horrible her son was.

People were in and out of your house all morning, people you didn't know. Everyone invited you didn't know because they were all his friends and family. You only had the friends you worked with and they were hardly friends, you certainly weren't close enough to invite them to your wedding.

The day was beautiful at least. You almost wished it had been storming so it would be called off all together and would deny your betrothal a bit longer. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and for the first time all summer, the temperatures weren't scorching hot. It was how you always imagined the day to be when you dreamed about your wedding.

Staring in the mirror, you found it easy to dissociate from the reality that was currently setting in. People touched your face and your hair and even your nails despite having them done just the day before. You thought of Joel and how he was probably halfway home to his daughter, leaving any thoughts and memories of you behind in Austin. Now you'd get to live with every single piece of himself that he left behind because you lived here.

"Are you not happy?" Your fiance's mother asked.

"I'm great." You forced your best smile and looked at her as she watched what the hair stylist was doing.

"He told me." She said to you.

"He told you?" Your heart sunk and you tried to hide any surprise you might've shown at the question.

"That you had another man in the house while he was away."

"Yes, I did." You didn't bother lying. Even if you did, she wouldn't believe you.

"Did you love him?" She asked.

"More than anyone I've loved before."

"I was in your position once." She said. "When I married his dad. I didn't want to but I did it because it was a woman's only way of survival back then: marrying into wealth. I loved somebody else but he couldn't give me what I needed."

You sat there speechless that she was opening up to you. Over the three years of you knowing her, you never talked so personally. It was refreshing to say the least than her regular nonsense about things that simply didn't matter to you.

"I'm sympathetic for you. I know what it's like to be in your position. I won't pretend my son is perfect but neither were we as parents so perhaps that's our own fault. Going through with something like this is quite frankly a woman's purpose in life. Doing things we don't want to for the sake of a man's ego." She said to you. "At least you look beautiful doing it."

Her words stung but a part of them felt slightly right. This was your place in the world.

"Did you ever see him again? The one you loved?" You found the courage to ask.

With a shake of her head and a sad smile she said, "No, but if she would've came through those altar doors I would've left with her in an instant."

Tears brimmed your eyes as you looked at yourself in the mirror, your mother-in-law zipping the back of your dress up. You felt hopeful that maybe the two of you would have a healthy relationship after today. There wasn't much you knew about maternal relationships, you didn't have one with your own mother so there was nothing to compare it to, but she seemed empathetic today.

With only five sons and no daughters, experiencing a wedding from her daughter-in-laws perspective was somewhat touching to the old woman. It's always different for mothers and daughters in weddings and in childbirth, there are just certain things to be shared between the two.

Your dress was beautiful, handed down to you from his mother, a gesture you didn't expect. It was simple and that was something you loved. The sleeves were sheer which was a nice touch considering the Texas heat and hung just off your shoulders. The neckline was modestly cut straight across and didn't reveal any cleavage but made your collarbones look nice. The dress flowed effortlessly to the ground, pooling ever so slightly at your feet and instead of white it was a soft cream color. Your hair was pulled into a simple bun, pieces left to frame your face.

You held back tears not wanting to ruin your freshly done make up and wished silently that your dad would be here to walk you down the aisle on what you presumed would be the best day of your life. This wasn't the best day like you imagined. You weren't marrying someone you loved and to be honest this day felt like the last one of your own.

"You look beautiful." His mother said placing her hands on your shoulders. "Come, it's almost time."

Your lead to where the rest of the bridal party is stood outside the altar doors and you hear the music start playing. It bothered you that even your wedding party was assigned by his mother, nobody you knew well. His cousins who were your bridesmaids for the day and his groomsmen who he chose all congratulated you upon your arrival and it made you wonder how his entire family seemed so sweet and he was so awful. But then again, he was sweet at first too.

The music didn't sound like music at all as pair by pair started walking down the aisle, moreso sounding like nails on a chalkboard. His mother snuck back inside to find her seat so it was just you and the wedding planner now who would cue you when to walk. You took multiple deep breaths, each one shakier than the last and stared down at your feet.

"Your turn." The planner said and her and her assistant pulled the large oak doors open to the beautiful altar before you filled with people you barely knew.

You found a steady pace to walk down the aisle falsely returning smiles to those who smiled at you, trying your best to look happy. You imagined your dad had his arm linked with yours and was walking next to you, steadying you from falling. You imagined it was somebody, anybody else standing at the end of the aisle waiting for you. You swallowed the lump in your throat, realizing about halfway down the aisle that you weren't breathing so you reminded yourself to do so.

Once you reached your annoyingly too old for you fiance, you handed your flowers to your maid of honor who you couldn't even remember the name of and took his hands in yours.

"You look ravishing." He said to you, squeezing your hands so hard your knuckles turned white. He had a gleam in his eye like he had won, having you exactly where he wanted you. Joel wasn't coming to the rescue. He had won the prize.

"Let's get this over with." You said quietly as everyone before you returned to sitting.

“This beautiful couple you know and love have invited us to share in this celebration as they affirm their love before us, pledge their faith to one another, and enter into the joys and privileges of marriage." The preacher started and you fought back the tears that were threatening to brim your eyes. You wouldn't let him see you hurt like this.

"If there is anyone present, who can show just cause why these two persons may not be joined in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Your chest tightened as everyone's attention turned towards the sound of the church doors swinging open. Your head turned and it felt like every moment forward happened in slow motion.

Your eyes met Joel's down the aisle standing in the church door frame, looking like a literal angel with the way the sun hugged his figure. Like you always said before, Joel was the sun and he radiated warmth and safety and he was here. He was here to save you.

You looked back to your fiance who had a dumbfounded look spread across his face. Nobody wanted to say anything at all, not understanding who this man was that had just burst through the doors. Your eyes found your fiance's mother who was standing looking between you and Joel and you could've swore she had the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips.

Joel didn't even have to say anything, didn't even have to move for you to drop your fiance's hands. His eyes were hopeful that you'd come with him, he knew you'd come with him but there was still the ounce of doubt that what Tommy had said about your conversation wasn't true. You turned on your heel taking your first step down the stairs just for him to grab your wrist.

"Don't you fucking dare." He said under his breath.

"Now darling, don't cause a scene." You yanked your arm away from him and then picked up the fabric of your dress up just enough so it wouldn't drag as you took off sprinting down the aisle towards Joel, everyone in the audience collectively gasping.

A smile spread across his lips as he held his arms open for you, jumping into them and twirling you around once, pressing his lips to yours. He didn't pull away until you were on the ground and it felt like straight out of a fairytale for you. The moment young you would wait to see in a movie as a child. Joel was the prince and he had saved his princess.

"Let's get out of here." He said taking your hand in his.

Ignoring the screams of your ex fiance as you ran down the steps of the church hand in hand, laughing at how you nearly tripped down the stairs in your dress. This moment was everything to you both.

Joel pulled open the back door of the truck and you both climbed in, Tommy laughing loudly as he pulled off chaotically from the church parking lot.

"I love you. I fucking love you." You said cupping his cheeks and bringing his lips to yours, kissing him with every fiber of fiery passion coursing through your body.

His hands couldn't find one place on your body, just thankful that you were sat safely in front of him, "I love you, baby."

"Where are we going?" You asked through a laugh, as his lips pecked kisses all over your cheeks.

"Home. We're goin home."

ten years later | one year before outbreak day

You sat on the porch watching Sarah play with her younger sister, Savannah, who was born nine short months after you moved to Austin.

"Mom, did you see?!" Sarah laughed as she kicked the soccer ball right past Savannah.

"You gotta dive for it, Sav!" You laughed at the defeated look on her face.

Joel's truck pulled into the driveway and the girls immediately swarmed him and Tommy as soon as they got out of the truck. Tommy immediately began kicking the ball around with the girls, inevitably showing them who was boss. You stood up from the chair and stepped down the porch steps, holding your hands out towards him as he approached you.

"Hi, baby." He grinned down at you kissing you softly. "My shirt again?"

"It's all that fits." You pouted as his hands found their way to your swollen belly. "And barely." You noted how you only had a few buttons done and the rest of the shirt draped open exposing your pregnant belly.

"I love it. How is she?" He asked, brushing his thumb against your skin.

"Good. Any day now." You said standing on your toes to kiss him again. "We missed you."

"Our daughter's a real soccer star, huh?" He asked looking over as Sarah passed the ball around Tommy.

"Oh, she's going for the World Cup one day." You laughed and the two of you walked up to find a seat on the porch. Joel sat in the chair and you sat on his lip, leaning against his chest as his hands rubbed your belly gently.

Not a day passed that you weren't grateful for Joel and your small found family. Everyday reminding you that a found family is bit as beautiful as a born family.

PREV | NEXT ???

maybe ill continue this but post outbreak day

[brighttears]

You Keep Going for Family

Joel Miller x reader

No physical description, no use of y/n, gender neutral

Summary: You talk to Joel after Salt Lake City.

Warnings: Mentions of violence, angst

Word count: 767

A/n: Rewatching e9, squealing, kicking my feet, twirling my hair watching Joel murder over a dozen people … also this is really short I tried to add more but today is just not my day

—

“How many people did you kill?”

His voice was quiet, his tone low. “I don’t know.”

“Too many to count?”

He raised his head only a little to look at you, saying nothing. 

“That doesn’t surprise me Joel.”

Joel turned his eyes back to the ground. He couldn't look at you. His chest ached because he knew you were going to leave him now, now that you know what he is—a killer, a failure and a killer. He had failed at protecting both her and you, and then he killed more people than he could fucking count to try to make up for it.

“You did what needed to be done.”

At this, he looked up at you.

“I’m just sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I failed her. And you.”

Joel sprang to his feet and to you, gently holding your biceps, “No, no. You didn’t. You didn’t fail her. Or me.” he shook his head vigorously, angling his head down to catch your gaze, “I was the one–”

“I was the second one, though. And I was useless. I didn’t, I couldn't do anything. I tried, I fought them, but I’m not strong like you are. While you were saving her I was crying on the highway. You found her, you got her and—fuck, Joel, you killed everyone who stood in your way.” Your brow was knit and your voice started to shake, “You did whatever you had to do and I… I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do a goddamn thing.”

“You got us there. I wouldn't be here without you and neither would she.”

You scoffed, “Come on, Joel. You don’t need me to protect her. If I died it wouldn’t have even matter—”

“You’re wrong.” he spoke over you, “Look at me. I couldn't have done any of this without you. You are my strength.” Joel took your hand and pressed it over his thumping heart, “You feel that? That’s all you. That’s all you.” 

You took your hand away. “Joel, I’m nothing more than another mouth to feed. I’m not capable. I’m weak.” Looking into your eyes as you spoke, Joel saw a reflection of himself and it shook him to his core. He never expected to hear you speak about yourself the way he thought about himself and it made him want to cry. “Maybe I used to be stronger, but with you, with her, I can’t function like I used to. At some point along the way something happened to me—when I see you or her in danger, when it comes down to it, when it really matters, I freeze. My entire body freezes, I feel my blood freeze,” you ran your hands through your hair as you ranted, “I’m nothing, Joel, I’m weak, you’re the one that protects her. The best thing I could be is a human shield, but the bullet would shoot right through me. Remember that? I’m useless, all I do is weigh you down, Joel, I’m just another fucking mouth to f—”

“Stop,” he shouted, grabbing you by the shoulders, “Not a goddamn word of that is true. Not a goddamn word. I don’t know where the hell you’re gettin’ all this from, you bein’ nothin’, no more than a human shield, but don’t you ever say any of that again.” he looked into your eyes intently, “Listen to me, I’m not fuckin’ lyin’. I need you. All I know is how to shoot a gun—”

“That’s not true,”

Joel shook you once, hard, “Listen to me. Back at the hospital? I don’t know where the fuck that came from. I’ve never tried that fuckin’ hard to keep someone alive. This whole fuckin’ time, with you and her, I haven’t given that much of a damn about anyone since—” he paused. “I didn’t even know I still had this kinda love in me. N’ you’re right, I killed everybody in my way. I didn’t hesitate once. Marlene told me that they’d already dumped you on the highway. You know what was on my mind that whole time? Getting her to you. I got it all back, everythin’ that I’d lost, that I never thought I would get back again. And I couldn't let them take it away. I couldn't let that happen.” He took his other hand to raise yours up and then placed his palm against yours. “This, would be nothing,” He pressed down on your hand on his chest and you felt his heart thumping underneath it, “without this. This is you. This is what you are. This is what you do.”

[hypnotisedfireflies]

Your latest fic was awesome! Can you share more times that Joel was just not entertained by Lachie but Tess & Tommy loved him anyway? I think it’s so funny that Joel is not charmed but everyone else has a soft spot for him.

Hi anon! Sorry it took me awhile, but I've finally gotten to this in a little ficlet that I had so much fun writing - thank you for the fun prompt!

Howzat?!

Summer, 2008, Indianapolis

Towards the end of Chapter 5 of Spite.

“You’re overthinking it, you’re all overthinking it.”

Joel frowned.  There was a lot of noise down on the concourse.  He ducked his head as he walked through a partially caved in section of the building.  He and Tommy had put some work into it, securing the walkway with beams to prevent it coming down on anyone as they passed through.  Well, assuming the whole fucking building didn’t decide to just pack it all in and collapse on itself.  There weren’t enough support beams in the world to save it.

“It’s easy.  You tuck it up here.  Run.  Lean.  Swing.  Thrust. Release.”

That was Lachie, running his fucking mouth off again.  Joel came upon the mezzanine and walked slowly to the edge.  He rested his forearms on the railing and looked down.

What the hell …

Lachie, Tommy, Hannah, Rachel and Tess were lined up below.  Lachie was a little ahead of the others, demonstrating – of all things – how to throw a ball.  The other four were copying his actions with varying degrees of success.

“Okay, now you all show me how it’s done.”

The four went back and geared themselves up.  On Lachie’s word they copied the motions again.  They all kept their balls in hand when he told them to release, except Rachel, whose tennis ball hit Lachie right in the chest.

“The fuck!  Rachel!”

“Oops!  Sorry!”

“You don’t let it go!”

“It slipped!”

“Well, go get it.”

Tommy muttered something to Hannah and she giggled while they waited for Rachel to fetch the ball out of the garden.  She returned to her place and they awaited further instructions.  Tess was tossing her ball up and down in the air.

“Okay, everyone show me.  One by one.”  Lachie walked along the line.  “Okay, Hannah.  That’s pretty good.  Maybe a little more snap in your wrist.  Tommy, that’s … shithouse, but the basic – never mind.”

“Only doin’ what you fuckin’ said!”

“It’s not fucking baseball.  Stop pitching like it’s baseball!” Lachie snapped, and moved along to Tess.  “That’s not bad, but you’ve gotta follow through.  Rachel?”  Beat.  “Yeah, okay.  That’s as good as we’re gonna get.”  Lachie stood back and looked them over.  “Well, congratulations.  You won’t be taking the Ashes home any time soon, but you dickheads know how to bowl.”

Joel realised Tess was looking up at him.  She grinned and held up the ball, as if offering to toss it up.  He shook his head slightly.  He wanted no part of whatever that nonsense was down there. 

They arranged themselves for a game.  The other parts of it had been learned while he was on watch, evidently, because the players seemed to know what they were about.  Hannah was batting (“not batter, batsman,” Lachie stressed).  She held a crudely made, flat-faced bat and stood before painted lines on a raised garden bed.  There were three long vertical brushes with two shorter ones lying horizontally on top.

“These:  wickets.”  Lachie pointed at them.  “Hit these.  Servopoulos, you stand there.”

He positioned her a short distance away, facing Hannah.  She too had one of those flat-faced bats.  What the fuck were they going to do, beat each other to death with them?  Lachie ordered Rachel and Tommy out into what was meant to be the field and then tossed a ball into the air.

The first few balls he bowled at Hannah were anticlimactic.  She missed them all.  They bounced off the painted retaining wall and Rachel and Tommy scurried off after them, returning these to Lachie.  Tess grinned up at Joel.  Her hair was in a long ponytail and she was wearing that top that kept sliding off one shoulder.  He could think of much better ways to spend her time.  But her smile was kind of disarming and he just shook his head at her again, dismayed that she was bothering with this nonsense with that irritating little shit.

And then there was a great thwack and Lachie was screeching at Tess to run.  Joel straightened up and felt a cold sweat break out across his brow as he looked for the threat.  Tess and Hannah were running in opposite directions.  Rachel was off in another and Tommy was shouting, “get it, get it!”

Get what!?

And then Hannah and Tess ran back the way they had come and he realised – oh.  Right.  It was just this stupid fucking game.

And that was how it went on.  The ball would be thrown, someone would hit it, and then the two batters (batsmen) would run back and forth, swapping places until the ball was retrieved.  From what Joel could gather, it seemed the point was to defend the wickets.  Lachie was clearly pulling his punches at first and making it easy for Hannah – and Tess, when it was her turn – to hit the ball.  But then Hannah did something so unexpected that made Lachie start trying in earnest to get her out.

Hannah hit the ball so hard that it rose up through the atrium and smashed through one of the remaining windows.  She and Tess screamed and ran at each other, stopping long enough to hug and jump up and down.  Lachie threw up both arms in the air. 

“It’s a six!”

“Do we have to get that?  I don’t want to get that,” Rachel said, resting her hands on her knees.

“You don’t have to run, you got six!”  Lachie shouted at Hannah and Tess.  “Stop!  You got six runs!”

“We can get more!”  Hannah was really going for it.

“It’s the max, dickhead!  We’ll get another ball.”

Tommy got Tess and Hannah out by catching the ball during the next round.  Lachie almost bowled Tommy over in an enormous hug and frantically waved at Rachel to join them, which she did, and both Tommy and Rachel seemed kind of confused at Lachie’s gusto.  He was jumping up and down and squeezing them tight.

Tommy and Lachie were batting next and Rachel, whose aim was quietly awesome, took her turn to bowl.  She got Tommy out first go and Lachie had to try and explain to Tommy how he was supposed to stand to protect the wickets. 

Joel came downstairs when they finally took a break.  He passed Tess a bottle of water and she took a big drink, spilling some down her neck.  She was smirking at him.

“Just come down and play,” she said.  “Scowling up there’s not any fun.”

“The fuck are you even playin’?” 

“Cricket!”

“No, thank you.”

“Oh, come on.  You watched all that time.  Can’t have been that bad.”

“I was watchin’ you.”

She took another sip.  “You’d have fun.”

Joel rolled his eyes skyward and shook his head.  “Pass.”

“Hey, Joel, you see that?  I did that.”  Hannah proudly pointed out the hole in the glass.

“Right.”

“She’s got some fuckin’ power,” Tommy grinned proudly, tugging her braid.  “You should come play, big brother.  Then I won’t look so fuckin’ shit.”

Joel glanced toward Lachie, who was giving Rachel batting pointers.  He wasn’t going to give the little shit the pleasure.  He would never hear the end of it. 

“Pass,” he said again.  He leaned toward Tess and murmured, “you know where to find me when you’re bored.”

“Your missus is a fuckin’ gun!”  Lachie enthused. 

Joel stared at him for a moment.  Then he rolled his eyes and headed back upstairs.  What the hell had happened to everybody?  They needed to get out more.  This place was fucking with them in more ways than one. 

He glanced down once more as the game started up again.  There was another stinging thwack and shouts of joy and consternation.  Tess was holding a ball aloft and Lachie lifted her up, spinning her around while Rachel complained about something being “unfair” at the top of her lungs.  Tommy ran toward Tess and Lachie with his arms raised and collided with them in joy.

Hannah threw her bat down. 

Joel shook his head and left them to it. 

So it might be awhile, he figured, before she was bored.

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 40: Home

Jackson holds a celebration. The final chapter of Yearling found on Tumblr in its entirety here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut :) No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7.7k

A/N: We are through the spoiler-y portion now and you're all OK to read from here if you just want to see how the fic starts to come to a close. There is no more overlap with TLOU 2.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter

December, 2002 

“Is that pot?” 

Your oldest brother, Brendan, damn near jumped out of his skin, looking around frantically for a moment before his eyes settled on you and he calmed, his hand going to his chest. 

“Shit, bug,” he said. “Yell it, why don’t you.” 

“If I yell it, Mom’ll take it away,” you said, joining him at the fence on the edge of your father’s property, climbing up and perching next to him in the moonlight. “But that means I need motivation to keep my big mouth shut so you’d better fuckin’ share.” 

He scoffed but passed you the joint, anyway. You took it and breathed deep, pulling the smoke into your lungs and holding it there until the urge to cough was too strong and you gave into it, handing the joint back to your brother, clouding the winter air with a pot-scented haze. 

“Jesus, getting high with my baby sister,” he chuckled. “Never thought I’d see the day.” 

“It’s because you’re getting old,” you teased lightly. He smiled and shook his head, taking a hit before passing it back to you. You took a hit, too, a smaller one this time, trying to make smoke rings as you breathed it out. “So. How’ve you been?” 

“Good,” he nodded slowly, taking the joint back. “Thinkin’ about starting up my own ranch…” 

“No shit?” You asked, brows raised. He nodded. “Good for you. Think you’d be good at it. I do gotta ask though… This have anything to do with Amanda?” 

You teased out the last word and he laughed. 

“Was waitin’ for that,” he said. “Talked to Mom have you?” 

“Here and there,” you said. “You really ask for Gran’s ring?” 

“Jesus…” 

“C’mon,” you elbowed him. “You’re thinkin’ of marrying her?” 

“More than thinkin’,” he smiled a little. “If I’m marrying anyone, it’s her.” 

He took another hit and passed the joint back to you and you nodded, mulling that over in your head. Your brother, settled down enough to get married and start a ranch of his own. It seemed like a completely foreign concept but it was one you liked. 

“You’d like her,” he said after a few minutes. “Amanda, I mean. She might come to New Year’s, think you two would get on like a house on fire. She’s studying to be a vet, specializing in large animals. Only person I know who likes horses as much as you.” 

“Damn,” you said, taking a hit yourself. “She does sound great. Too good for you, that’s for damn sure…” 

He snorted. 

“Don’t I know it.” 

You passed him the joint again. 

“Can I ask you something?” You said after sitting in silence for a minute. 

“Shoot.” 

“How do you know?” You asked. 

He frowned. 

“Know what?” 

“Know that…” you sighed. “I don’t know, know that she’s the one? That you want to marry her and all that shit?” 

He smiled a little, nodding knowingly as he did. 

“Well,” he said. “Sounds dumb, but… when you know, you know.” 

“Jesus,” you rolled your eyes and he laughed. 

“I’m serious,” he said. “You’ll know. But… Well, she’s my favorite damn person. I don’t want to do anything without her if I can help it. I love everything about her, even the shit that drives me nuts. Mostly, though, I just want to live life with her, you know? Want to go grocery shopping and do dishes and fuckin’ mow the lawn… all that shit. It all sounds great because it’d be with her. That’s how you know.” 

You nodded slowly, trying to imagine feeling that way about anybody. It didn’t really seem possible.

“Don’t sweat it too much, bug,” he said, clapping you on the shoulder. “You got plenty of time before you need to worry about that shit. No need to rush into it. Just wait until the time is right and you’ve found the right person and then you’re good. It’ll all work out in the end.” 

He was right, you thought as you nodded again. You had all the time in the world but, eventually, you’d find someone you’d want to share it with. Even if that sounded insane now, you thought you would. You looked up at the cold, December sky, the universe stretched out before you and you took a deep satisfying breath. 

“Yeah,” you said. “I think it will.” 

***

July 20, 2029 

“Joel, where the hell is your wife?” 

Tommy and Joel both looked at each other before looking to Maria, confused. 

“Don’t think it was my turn to watch ‘er,” Joel said, setting his whiskey down. “Actually, think it was the exact opposite of my turn to watch her what with tradition and all…” 

“Well maybe it should have been because I can’t find her,” Maria said, clearly flustered. “I’ve checked your place, her old place, the room she was supposed to be getting ready in…” 

Joel smiled a little to himself, shaking his head and getting up from the table. There was one obvious place Maria hadn’t checked. 

“Maybe she’s gettin’ cold feet,” Tommy teased, smirking. “Lord knows she’s too smart for you, anyhow. Maybe she figured it out…” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Joel said, adjusting the collar on his shirt. He was in too good a mood to even give his brother shit back. “Don’t think it works that way if you’ve already been married a year and a half. Besides, I think I know where to find her…” 

“Just tell me,” Maria groaned, half-heartedly trying to stop him. “I’ll go. It’s bad luck for you to do it.” 

“Think we already had more than our share of that,” he said, giving her a wink. “Think we’ll be OK.” 

He left his brother’s kitchen and started toward the stables, walking in the opposite direction of most of the town, everyone making their way toward the gathering place in the middle. They gave him warm smiles and nods and congratulations as he passed and he smiled back, a little bubble of warmth in his chest that swelled as he made his way to you. Because while Maria might not know where you were, he sure did. 

He heard you before he saw you. 

“You’re doing good,” you said. “Try not to let your fingers get ahead of where your mind is though, that’s where you’re stutterin’ a bit…” 

“Easy for you to say,” Joel almost heard Savvy’s eyes roll as she teased you. “You don’t have as many fingers to keep track of.” 

You barked a laugh at that as Joel came into the stable. You were perched on the wall of Perseus’ stall, Savvy and Ellie sitting on either side of you, the guitar he’d made for Savvy in her arms. She noticed him before you did, giving him a little smile. 

“Here,” she said, passing the guitar to you. “You should play something Dad likes since you’re getting married today and all.”

“Look at you, bein’ all sentimental,” you teased lightly back. But you took the guitar and drummed on it for a moment before settling on a song. “Alright, this is the first thing he ever played me. His version is better but this song always makes me think of him now.” 

Joel just leaned against the door, watching and listening as you played I’m On Fire, that warm glow in his chest somehow growing as you did, wondering if you could possibly be any more perfect. You were wrong about one thing, though. Your version was better.

It had taken you a while to pick up the guitar again. You’d been back more than two months when he came home from a short patrol to find you on the couch, the guitar he made you in your arms and a determined - if frustrated - look on your face. You glanced up at him when he came in before looking back at the instrument. 

“I’m tryin’ real hard not to throw this,” you said, arranging your intact hand on the neck of the guitar. “But it’s pissing me off.” 

“Think I’d rather you throw the pillow,” Joel said wryly, coming to sit beside you. You rolled your eyes. “Want to show me?” 

“Not really,” you said but you did anyway, starting to play the way you had for years and then seeming to forget that you had two fewer fingers, notes missing and fumbled and you shouted in frustration, almost throwing the guitar before clenching your jaw and moving to set it on the coffee table. Joel took it from you before you could, setting it on the other side of the couch before pulling you against him and kissing the top of your head. 

“You were sounding good there, baby,” he said, stroking your arm. You scoffed. “Mean it, you were.” 

“Yeah, I was playin’ a mess of bullshit there at the end,” you said. “Real good.” 

“It’s gonna take time, sweetheart,” he said gently. “You spent a long time playing the way you used to. Takes a while to adjust. You’ll get there…” 

“Because there are so many famous eight-fingered guitarists,” you muttered, your voice thick. 

“Sure, but you’re better than every guitarist I’ve ever heard of,” he said, tugging you closer. “You will get there, baby. If anyone can it’s you.” 

You sighed but snuggled into him and he hoped that you believed him. He wasn’t just saying it. Something inside him knew that you’d find a way to make music again the way you used to. 

He was right. It took a few weeks - a few weeks of almost perpetual frustration - but you got there. He watched it happen, the moment it seemed to click into place almost startling in its clarity. You were playing in the kitchen while he cooked, not really working on anything in particular, just seeing what sounds you could pull from your instrument and how you could make them work together in that way you had when, all of a sudden, you played a few notes in quick succession. Joel frowned to himself and glanced over his shoulder, hoping you weren’t paying attention to him. You weren’t. You were intently focused on the guitar, your hands frozen on it for a moment before you did it again, adding more chords this time. The next thing he knew, you were playing the riff from Layla, laughing as you did. 

“Joel!” You looked over to him after playing it a few times and he’d stopped pretending he wasn’t watching you, just leaning against the counter so you had the space to do what you needed to do. “Did you hear that?” 

“Yeah baby,” he smiled. “Sure did.” 

You made a giddy little noise and carefully arranged the guitar in your arms again before starting over. He had to practically pry the instrument away from you when dinner was done but you were beaming when he did, even though the place where you’d lost fingers was bleeding from the guitar strings. 

Joel made you something after that, a simple piece of leather that covered that sensitive place and looped down around your wrist. It seemed to work wonders for you, making it easier to play guitar and work with the horses and he let himself feel good about it. He’d done something for you that made your life here better. He could still take care of you, still give you what you needed. They hadn’t taken that, too. 

It still took a while for things to get back to normal. Or close to normal, anyway. After everything that had happened over the last two years, Joel didn’t think there was any real way to go back. You still woke up afraid some nights, his leg still bothered him more often than not. But there were good changes, too. Savvy had moved into the bedroom you’d set up for her, happy to have her mother to come home to again. Ellie came around all the time, often with her girlfriend in tow - something that had taken Joel by surprise but had settled into quickly. You’d even become more involved in Jackson, joining the council in the most recent election after Maria encouraged you to run. When the results had come in you sat there, wide eyed, for a moment before you got up and smiled and thanked people for voting for you. It was the shortest acceptance speech Jackson ever had. 

While he wouldn’t want to go back and relive the worst of those times, he was starting to think the heartache was there for a reason. It was to get you both here, to this place, building your family and community together. 

You finished the song and Ellie and Savvy clapped and you scoffed. 

“Sounded real good there, baby,” Joel said from his place by the door. You didn’t jump at the sound of his voice, instead just looking over your shoulder back to him. “Tryin’ to show me up?” 

“Nah,” you smiled, handing the guitar to Ellie and jumping down from your perch. “Never could with I’m On Fire. Other shit, though…” 

He laughed and shook his head a little as you walked over to him, a blissful smile on your face, and he gave himself a chance to really appreciate you in that moment. 

Joel always thought you were beautiful. You were beautiful when he’d first seen you in the forest years ago now, you were beautiful when you fell asleep against him when watching movies, you were beautiful when you came home covered in sweat and dirt and the smell of horse. But damn, were you ever beautiful here, like this. You were in a white eyelet lace dress that went down to your ankles, dropping low enough at the neck that the swell of your breasts were going to be a constant fucking temptation. Savvy had made you a crown of flowers that sat on your head and Joel’s old wedding band hung on a chain around your neck and your cowboy boots had been polished to shining and damn did he want to sweep you off your feet and carry you back home to hide you away from everyone else looking that good. 

“Anyone ever tell you you’re the most beautiful woman on the damn planet?” He asked as you draped your arms around his neck and his hands found your waist. 

“You,” you smiled, your eyes crinkling at the edges with it. “From time to time.” 

“Should say it more then,” he smiled back. “Been slacking.” 

“You’re not supposed to see her, you know,” Ellie said, trying to sound stern but smiling a little instead. “Maria told me.” 

“Well someone decided to sneak away without tellin’ anyone where she was headed,” Joel teased lightly. 

You just smiled broader. 

“The important people knew where to find me,” you said. 

Joel looked between you and the daughters you shared. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Suppose we did.”

He took your hand and the four of you headed for the middle of town, Joel kissing you goodbye in a spot that was a little tucked away so not everyone would catch a glimpse of you. 

“You’re too damn pretty,” he smiled. “Don’t want to spoil it for everyone. See you up there?” 

You smiled back. 

“Try and stop me.” 

Joel wasn’t sure he’d ever felt quite so happy as when he watched you walk down the aisle toward him. The two of you said more traditional vows this time, Savvy and Maria by your side, Ellie and Tommy by his. There was something about making promises to you publicly, where everyone the two of you knew could see, that just felt right. You exchanged new rings this time, ones made of the antler of a moose Joel had felled a few months earlier, him slipping yours on your middle finger this time. When he kissed you, the rest of the town fell away and it was just you and him, the way it felt like it should be.

The whole town celebrated after, tables put out on the grass and lights hanging from the trees. Someone had rigged up a sound system and the children of Jackson chased each other, weaving in and out of tables shrieking and giggling as they went. You and Joel were sat at a head table with the girls, Tommy, Maria and William and Joel kept his hand on your knee all through dinner. 

To kick off the dancing, Joel tugged you onto the floor, your chin tucked into your chest, and swayed slowly to Hallelujah, so like you had the first time he danced with you, before everything had fallen into place this way. You smiled and pressed close to him, moving alongside him in front of everyone the two of you knew in the world and Joel was happy. 

Back at your table, he was just starting to think of a way to steal you back to the house when Ellie gave you a look, jerking her head off to the side. You gave his shoulder a squeeze and smiled, a little nervously. 

“See you in a second,” you said, before following Ellie, who was whispering conspiratorially with you. 

“What in the hell…” Joel frowned, watching you. 

“Just have to wait and see, Dad,” Savvy said, looking far too pleased with herself. 

He didn’t have to wait long. You and Ellie returned with your guitar and a boom box, Tommy setting up a chair for you in the middle of everything so everyone could see you before cutting the music. 

“Hey, everyone!” Tommy yelled, his hands cupped around his mouth like a megaphone. “Pay attention to my baby sister!” 

The whole of Jackson obeyed and Joel could tell that you were fighting the urge to just go and be next to him, far from the public eye. Instead, you stood next to Tommy, the guitar Joel made you dangling from your hand, Ellie standing nearby next to the boom box. 

“Thanks, everyone, for comin’ tonight,” you said, your accent thick like it was when you got nervous. Joel smiled a little, the sound of home coming from your lips. “Means a lot to us that you’re here and sharing this with us. It means a lot to me, especially. I know it took me some time to settle in here because I ain’t had somewhere to call home with anyone other than my daughter for a real long time. But here feels like home, and the way everyone here has welcomed us… it means everything to me. 

“Now, a lot of y’all may not know it but…” you took a deep breath and Joel could see you try to swallow your nerves. “I’m something of a musician. I don’t much like playing for anyone besides family but since I feel like y’all are family now, well… seemed only appropriate I play for everyone here tonight.” 

You sat down and rested the guitar on your lap. 

“Music’s always been the way I get my feelings out,” you said, now focused on Joel. His heart swelled. “I’ve never been great with words and I love you just doesn’t feel like enough when it comes to you, Joel. This ain’t much but… feels closer at least.” 

You gave Ellie a nod and she pressed play on the boom box and Joel had to fight to not tear up as you played, the song growing and swelling as it went on, the boom box adding in piano and violin. The music was beautiful and intimate and made Joel think of the quiet mornings he spent with you in his arms, trailing his fingers over your the curve of you, your breath warm on his skin, gently kissing his way over you before the world woke up and it was just you and him and the love you made together. He loved those mornings with you, he wanted countless more of them and he could practically see them now, laid out in front of him like the world at his feet.  

When the song ended, the whole of Jackson was silent, the only sound the rustle of the breeze on the trees. You tugged your lower lip between your teeth and, for half a second, looked like you wanted the ground to swallow you up. But then, all at once, everyone broke into applause, thunderous and adoring and you gave Joel a bashful look. Ellie took the boom box and your guitar to stash them away again as you made your way back to him, what seemed like everyone in town on their feet for you as you went. 

“Hope that wasn’t too embarrassing,” you said as Joel pulled you in close. 

“Baby, that was incredible,” he said, giving you a long, deep kiss. “I didn’t even know you’d been workin’ on the piano and the violin again!” 

“I know,” you smiled a little, pressing close and tight to him. “You’re a hard man to surprise. But once I figured out the guitar, I wanted to get those back, too. Tommy even helped me tune the piano at my old place.” 

Joel looked to his brother who gave him a small salute before he turned back to you. 

“You’re amazing,” he said, resisting the urge to take off with you then and there. You just rolled your eyes before he kissed you again and he tried to be content with just having his arm around you as everyone in town made their way up to congratulate the two of you. 

After what felt like a small eternity - and a few more dances with you - Tommy finally leaned over to whisper in Joel’s ear. 

“I’ll hold down the fort and make sure the girls are all good,” he said. “Get outta here before you lose your damn mind.” 

“Thanks, man,” Joel clapped him on the shoulder and Tommy just gave him a lopsided smile, one that Joel would would call paternal if it came from anyone else. He supposed it did from Tommy, too, now. It was still an odd thought, his brother finding his way to a wife and a place in the world before Joel had, that Joel was the one playing catch up and, in some ways, relying on his brother for help and guidance. But with you, it felt like he’d more than caught up. He’d come out ahead. 

“Hey,” Joel gave you a little squeeze and whispered in your ear. “What do you say we get outta here, Mrs. Miller?” 

“Really?” Your face lit up and Joel smiled and nodded. “Oh thank fuck, I don’t think I can talk to anyone who isn’t you or the girls again for a week…” 

He laughed a little, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. 

“C’mon,” he said. “Let’s sneak out…” 

Joel took your elbow as you got up, the dance floor full as Tommy got to his feet, cupping his hands around his mouth like a megaphone again. 

“Ladies and gentleman!” He yelled. “For the last time tonight, Mr. and Mrs. Miller!”

Joel gave him a look and Tommy gave him a wink as everyone turned and clapped. You and Joel waved goodbye before he put his arm around your waist and pulled you tight against his side, leading you home. 

*** 

“Mrs. Miller,” Joel trailed his nose over your cheek, his words quiet in your ear. 

“Hm,” you grunted in response, eyes still closed. 

“C’mon,” he said softly, his hand smoothing over your stomach that was still covered by your wedding dress. “Gotta get up, we got places to be.” 

You opened a skeptical eye at that. The ceiling of your bedroom was painted orange by the sunrise and Joel was there, smiling down at you, his curls still a little unruly from where your fingers had wound in them the night before. 

“Where do we have to be?” You asked. “Pretty sure we get the day after our wedding off.”

“We do,” he said, his hand gliding over you, between your breasts in the low cut of your gown, over your chest to cup your cheek. “But still want to get an early start. Made you coffee, let’s go.” 

“Early start for what?” You asked, sitting up now. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiled. “You’ll like it, promise. Think you can ride a horse in that pretty dress of yours?” 

You gave him an incredulous look. 

He laughed. 

“Fair enough. Then let’s get goin’.” 

“Do I need to pack a bag or anything?” You asked, trying not to groan as you got out of bed. 

“Already handled,” he said. “All I need is my beautiful wife to come along for the ride.” 

You smiled a little. 

“Think I can manage that.” 

You had coffee and slices of leftover wedding cake with Joel before walking with him, hand in hand, to the stables, the sound of Jackson just coming to life around you as you went. 

It felt a little silly to still be in your wedding dress but, you had to admit, it was a damn nice dress.

Staying in it the night before had been Joel’s idea. His lips had been working their way over your throat to your ear before he whispered to you there. 

“That dress of yours comfortable?” He asked, a little breathless. 

“Yeah,” you panted, pulling back just enough to frown at him. “Why?” 

“Because,” he said, taking a moment to nip at your lower lip. “Did things backwards our first wedding night, already had you naked when we said our vows. Kinda want to have you in the white dress, make a real pretty mess of you in it.” 

You smiled, reaching up and trailing your fingers through his hair. 

“Whatever you want, Mr. Miller.” 

He made you come four times in that dress the night before and you passed out in his arms before you could will yourself to move enough to take it off, too tired from the day of celebrations to bother changing once he was done with you. 

It had been Joel’s idea to have a wedding ceremony. He’d brought it up a few months before, once you’d fallen back into life in town again, things as normal as they could be now. You still sometimes felt the ache of fingers that were no longer yours, you still sometimes woke up afraid that your daughters were gone, but you’d healed, too. Your skin was no longer broken and raw, you could play the music you loved again, you could go down the hall and look in on Savvy when you woke up afraid she was gone. 

“We’re already married, Joel,” you laughed at him, your feet on his lap as you played guitar one night when Savvy was out with Kyle. Orion snuggled closer to your knee. “You forget that just because we don’t wear the rings anymore?” 

“Never forget that,” he smiled a crooked smile at you as he massaged the arch of your foot. “One of the best damn nights of my life. But… I think now’s a good time to celebrate that with our family. Girls weren’t there for it, neither was Tommy. Think it’d be nice to do it again with them.” 

You nodded slowly, mulling it over. It wasn’t a bad thought. You did want to share that with Savvy and Ellie, especially now that Savvy would actually be happy about it. And you knew that Joel had missed Tommy and Maria’s wedding, something he regretted now that he had a proper life here in Jackson. You understood why he’d want his brother there. You’d want your brothers there, too, if they were still alive. 

“Sure,” you said eventually. “Let’s do it. Have witnesses when you make promises to me this time around, really hold you to that shit…” 

He laughed at that. 

“Damn right, baby,” he said. “You can hold me to whatever you want.” 

Plans quickly grew, though, from just your family to family and friends to the whole of Jackson. Warren manipulated patrol schedules so there would be one afternoon that everyone was in town, damn near every chair and table that could be moved set up for the reception. It had become more than a celebration of you and Joel, changing into something celebrating the peace the city had known in the year since Mitchum’s downfall. 

The raider attacks became almost non-existent, patrols hunting down the smaller side groups and wiping them out quickly once Mitchum’s control fell away. After that, even the threat from infected lessened. With fewer people in the forests in the miles around Jackson, there was less reason for them to be there. Patrols had become quiet and mostly peaceful, the town no longer afraid of what they might lose every time the gates to the city opened. 

You were happy for the excuse for the focus to not be entirely on you all night, anyway. You’d never been comfortable being the center of attention and, while you liked having a chance to actually show how much your husband meant to you after years together, having that many eyes on you got old fast. Going home just you and Joel had been a relief. 

“Hey there love birds,” Olivia said when you got to the stable, two sets of reins in her hands. “Ready to get underway?” 

“Think so,” Joel said, taking the reins from her, Renaissance and Ares both packed like they were leaving for a long patrol. “Thanks for doin’ this.” 

“Hey, anything to get her to take a break,” she gave you a wink. “Lord knows she deserves it. Have fun you two.” 

“Joel,” you laughed, almost nervously, following alongside him as he led the horses to the gate. “Where are we going? What’s going on?” 

“You’ll see,” he smiled a little as you reached the gates, handing you Renaissance’s reins. “Just have to keep up.” 

You raised your brows at him and he laughed. 

“Alright, just have to let me lead for a change, how about that?” 

“That, I can do,” you smiled. 

It was an easy ride, you following where Joel led, smiling and laughing and breathing in the fresh, clean scent of the forest as you did. For a while, you so rarely left Jackson after Mitchum. No matter what Joel and Tommy and Maria and Julie said, it didn’t feel safe. The worst things that had ever happened to you had happened outside those walls, it just wasn’t worth the risk to leave. If you were inside, in the house you shared with Joel and Savvy or at the stables or the Tipsy Bison, everything would be OK. 

But you missed the outside, too. You missed how crisp the air was when you were outside, the sound of the animals in the wild, the way the world spread out in front of you vast and unclaimed. 

Joel, Ellie and Julie had been easing you back into it. Julie asked you for help collecting fruit for one of her cocktail plans one day. You’d been hesitant but she convinced you, your whole body stiff the entire two hours you were outside, hyperaware of everything around you. But because you were so aware, you noticed everything too, things you’d missed like the rustle of the grass and the way the air smelled. You were a little more willing to go then. 

Ellie told you she wanted to practice shooting as she got ready to go back out on patrol, taking some time off from it after everything that happened. She asked you when Joel was busy and Olivia was there to take over at the stables and you knew it was contrived but you went with her, anyway. She kept you talking, pointing out different birds and asking questions about things that you knew she knew the answer to but it did make you miss being out in the wild more. When you told her you knew better, Ellie kept pretending she had no idea what you were talking about. 

Joel, at least, hadn’t tried to couch it in anything. He’d been holding you one morning when neither of you had to be anywhere, his fingers trailing gently up and down your arm. 

“Been thinkin’,” he said quietly before pressing his lips to your forehead. “We should take the horses out, go on a short trail ride.” 

You frowned. 

“Why? They’ve been gettin’ plenty of exercise, don’t have any that need to be tested outside of town right now…” 

“Because you could use it,” he said. You stiffened but he kept tracing his fingers over you, up and down.

“Joel…” 

“You’ve been gettin’ out here and there,” he said gently. “And I know you miss it.” 

“I miss how it used to be,” you corrected him. “It’s different now.” 

“Don’t have to be,” he said. “Just come with me.” 

You sighed, but he kept going. 

“Just a few hours, not gonna take you far,” he said. “I’ll keep you safe.” 

You pressed your lips together into a thin line, trying to calm your nerves as he pulled back to look at you, his eyes locked on yours. 

“Would I try to get you to do somethin’ that wasn’t safe?” He asked gently. You gave him a look and he smiled a little. “I’ve got you, baby. Just you and me where you can open the horses up and get back out in the trees a little. I’ll be there the whole time, I’ve got you. S’OK.” 

His eyes were so soft and his face was so open that you sighed and agreed. The first time had been scary. You only went for a few hours but you couldn’t relax the entire time you were gone, fully outside what felt like Jackson’s control for the first time since you’d come back. But Joel was right. He stuck close to you the entire time, always watching for any kind of threat, always ready to protect you. You made it back to Jackson in one piece, the only shots fired to take down a few stray infected ambling through the area. 

He gradually got you to leave the walls of the town more and more, even convincing you to bring Savvy and Ellie along one day, and you realized - as you sat on a picnic blanket with your husband and daughters - that the safety may not have been the walls of the city after all. It may have just been Joel. 

You felt comfortable now, outside Jackson with the man who had become your home, your safest place, your husband twice over. The trees were thinning, four hours into your ride and off the more beaten path. You looked at Joel, brows raised and he smiled. 

“That’s where we’re headed,” he said. “When we get to there, go ahead and open ‘er up, you’ll know where to go.” 

“So mysterious,” you teased and he shrugged, smirking a little, as you broke through the trees. 

The sight was almost damn near idyllic, a small lake that was clear as glass, a cabin with a big front porch complete with a swing sitting on the other side of it. You looked at Joel, mouth open in shock. 

“Me n’Tommy found it few months back,” he smiled. “Been fixin’ it up. Plenty of space for us, the girls, anyone they want to bring along. But… wanted to break it in right, just you and me. Besides, pretty sure I’ve owed you a honeymoon for a while now.” 

You laughed, almost giddy, and pushed Renaissance into a full gallop, skirting along the edge of the water, standing in the stirrups so the air sent the skirt of your dress billowing out behind you. You rode her up to the porch, slipping out of the saddle before she’d come to a full stop, too excited to get a look at the place. You realized there was a small dock just off the porch, a rowboat tied to the side of it, and wildflowers among the grass outside the cabin. 

“I do OK?” Joel asked, getting off Ares and coming up alongside you. 

“This is amazing,” you said, awed, as you took it all in. “I can’t believe you did all this, it’s…” 

You couldn’t find the words, just looking at him, a small smile on his lips. 

“C’mon,” he said, taking your hand and leading you up the front steps. He opened the front door but stopped you from going through it. “You gonna let me carry my wife across the threshold? Always wanted to do that with you in a wedding dress.” 

You laughed a little and draped your arms around his neck. 

“Think that can be arranged.” 

He bent and swept you off your feet and into his arms, making you laugh. 

“Then let’s go, Mrs. Miller.” 

He carried you through the front door and into the living room, some faded couches and mismatched arm chairs around a fireplace. Behind them was a table big enough to have the whole family gathered around it, a set of stairs beyond that and a kitchen off to the side. There was a bundle of wildflowers in a jar of water in the middle of the table, a shelf of board games and cards sitting next to the hearth. 

“Give me a few minutes to get the horses settled,” he said, setting you down and kissing your temple. “Then I’ll show you the best part of this place.” 

You took your time taking in the place, how much care you could tell Joel and Tommy had put into it. You could see places in the wall that had been patched, shelves that had been mounted. There were stores of canned foods in the cupboards, a canister of tea, a jar of honey, even a pair of matching mugs, both chipped with little owls on them that made you smile. In the living room, there was art on the walls: one of a horse grazing in an open field and another of a deer standing next to a moose in a clearing. You smiled, leaning in closer to see Ellie’s signature in the corner. 

“She wanted to contribute,” Joel said from behind you and you turned to face him. He set packs down on the couch and you smiled as he came to you, putting his arms around your waist and tugging you against him. He trailed his lips along your forehead, your temple, down toward your throat, his hands slipping up your sides to slide into the low neck of your dress, making you moan. 

“Want to see my favorite part about this place?” He asked, heat on his voice. You just nodded  and he pushed the top of the dress down, bearing your chest to him. “No one around for miles. All alone out here. So I can have you all to myself, naked, in that water out there.” 

He took the globes of your breasts in his large hands, cradling the weight of them gently in his palms, squeezing you and you groaned at his touch. He kissed you, dipping his tongue into your mouth and you pulled at the buttons of his shirt, opening them one by one. 

“Should get me naked then,” you said breathlessly when he pulled away from you ever so slightly. “That water looks awful inviting.” 

You undressed each other quickly then, Joel’s shirt and pants ending up in a heap on the floor, your dress draped over the couch. He took your hand and led you outside, pulling you along into the cool water. It was smooth and clear on your skin, the sandy bottom of the lake soft on your toes. He pulled you deeper, until the water was up to your shoulders, before tugging you against him. You smiled and he tilted your head so he could kiss you, his thumb over your cheek, fingers curving around the back of your neck. 

“I can’t believe you did all this,” you said quietly as he held you close. His thick, hard cock was pressed against your stomach, your breasts pressed against his wet skin. “You didn’t have to…”

“I wanted to,” he smiled, his forehead against yours. “I want to give you everything, baby.” 

You reached and put your arms around his neck, arching your back against him. 

“You already have,” you said softly. “You gave me you.” 

His hands drifted lower, cupping the round of your ass and lifting you so you could wrap your legs around his waist. His cock was pressed against your slit and you moaned at the feel of it, the way the water and the tip of him moved against your clit already making your pussy tighten. He lifted you, dragging the thick of his length over your sex until he notched his head at your entrance and he moaned. 

“Goddamn baby,” he said, voice tense with want. “Can feel how warm you are inside already…” 

He pulled you down onto him, his cock pressing into you slowly, slow enough that you could feel how he opened you to him, stretching you around him. You groaned, burying your face in his neck and breathing in the smell of him. 

“Fuck you feel good,” his mouth trailed over your neck, your bare shoulder. “So goddamn good, taking me so well…” 

Your fingers sank into his skin and you pressed yourself impossibly closer and tighter to him as he bottomed out inside you, your clit pressed against the base of his stomach, the whole of him thick and heavy inside you. 

“Joel,” you whimpered. “You’re so deep, feel so good…” 

“I know, sweetheart,” he breathed, taking his hands from your ass to your back to clutch you close. “I know.” 

He held you close and tight and you managed to pull your face from his neck to look at him, your eyes on his, noses brushing, breathing into each other as the water cradled you both. You moved together, every rock of your hips and thrust of his slow and aching. You weren’t able to tell where he ended and you began and you could feel his breath quickening as the heat inside you grew stronger, your channel getting tighter. 

“Want you to come for me,” he whispered, voice trembling. “Need to feel you, come on baby and come for me.” 

You could only moan in response, his thrusts growing firmer as you pressed your clit against his skin, his arms tightening around you. You were right on the edge, so close exploding around him. 

“Come with me,” you managed, clinging to him. “Please, I need to make you come, please…” 

He cut you off with a kiss, swallowing your needy sounds, moving in you desperate and claiming. Your orgasm built higher and higher, drawing you so tight around him it seemed impossible until he pulled you so close it almost hurt, body flush to his as you felt him come undone inside of you. 

It only took a moment for the pulsing of his cock to set off your own orgasm, making you throb and flutter around him as rope after rope of his come filled you. For a moment, it was as though you and Joel were the only people left in the world, the way he was around and inside you the only thing you could be sure of then. 

He held you after both your orgasms eased, his softening length still inside you, your head on his shoulder, your arms around him as his lips brushed your neck. The water was still and quiet around you, a soft breeze on the air and you smiled against his skin, a sense of peace settling over you as you did. 

It had taken so long to reach this point, so many years of pain and healing, so much you needed to move past. But it had all led you here, where you were together, where everyone you loved was safe and happy and you didn’t need to be afraid anymore. 

Joel’s hand trailed slowly up and down your spine and he pressed a kiss into your skin. 

“I’m so happy we got here,” you said quietly. 

You felt him smile against your shoulder. 

“Me too, Bambi,” he said, kissing you again before pulling back from him just enough to look you in the eye. “Come a long way in the last few years.” 

You smiled a little. 

“Hard to believe,” you said. “I didn’t think I’d ever have something like this. I didn’t know it was possible to have something like this.” 

“Me, too,” he said. “Makes it feel like all the shit we went through to get here was worth it.” 

“Yeah,” you said, kissing him gently. “It does.” 

You looked in his eyes, just appreciating him for a moment, the tan of his skin and the gray of his hair and the wrinkles and the scars that told the story of everything that he’d survived and felt deeply that he was one of the most beautiful things you’d ever held. 

“So,” he said after a few minutes. “Since this is a honeymoon and all, we got the place to ourselves for as long as we want it but figure we’ll want to get back to the girls before too long. What are you thinkin’ baby?” 

You hummed for a moment, considering. 

“Well,” you said. “I do miss the girls. But… I like having you all to myself. Think I want to stay here, where I can take advantage of the fact that I can get you naked whenever I want, for at least a few days. Maybe a week.” 

He smiled. 

“Week sounds good,” he said. 

“Plus,” you said. “We can always come back in the future. Have as many honeymoons as we want.” 

“Yeah,” he smiled wider. “We can. We got time.” 

You kissed your husband, soft and slow, before pulling away and smiling back at him. 

“We do,” you said. “We have all the time in the world.” 

A/N:

Hi, everyone!

I cannot believe we are here. Exactly one year ago today I published the first chapter of Yearling and now I'm publishing the last.

Thank you so so so much for going on this journey with me, Joel and Bambi. These characters have meant so much to me over the past year and it has been just an absolute joy to share them with you. I hope you've enjoyed how they've grown together and built the life they'll have from here on out.

If you'd like to keep reading what I'm sharing, I am starting up another few fics. There's an AU of Yearling that you can find here and I am working on another Joel fic that is a no-outbreak AU where Joel is reader's bodyguard. It's called The Savage and the Sanctuary and you can find that here.

I've always been bad at saying goodbye, so I won't do that. I will just say thank you for coming on this adventure with me and for all the love and support you've shared. I hope to see you again soon.

Be well, take care of yourselves, and spread a little kindness in the world.

Love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Hello there!! For your wips, Kiss Me & Smile for Me called out to me cuz I love this song (if it is indeed leaving on a jet plane, i'm like 99% sure 🤔) and I'd love to hear whatever you have to share about it!

Hi Rae!! Thank you so much for playing along!!

Kiss Me & Smile for Me does indeed get its name from the song! In fact, part one is titled Leaving On A Jet Plane, part two is Tell Me You'll Wait for Me, and three is Hold Me Like You'll Never Let Me Go.

*cue sing a long*

This one is a short Joel series that follows the timeline used in the HBO adaptation. It is told entirely through time jumps between before the outbreak and the present, and features a female OC named Emma. While I am padding it with some very sweet fluffy moments, there will also be about 20 years of angst shoved into roughly 15-20k words. So... sorry about it.

Here's a snippet from Part One - Leaving On A Jet Plane:

Late September, 2003

“No. We can’t just-” 

“We can.” His words came out gritty, almost a growl. “We can, and we are.” Joel took three more steps, not bothering to check if Tommy was following him. He will. Sure enough he heard the sound of boot soles crunching over rocks and leaves coming from behind his left shoulder. 

“Joel.” Tommy scoffed and shook his head, completely baffled by his brother’s response. “We can’t just leave without… I can’t leave without knowin’ for sure if Izzy is-” His voice broke slightly as he spoke her name, and he trailed off with a muttered swear. Desperation in his eyes, he reached forward, grabbing onto Joel’s arm and didn’t let go even when his older brother tried to shake him off. “What about Emma? Huh? How can you leave without-” 

“Don’t.” 

It came out hard and heavy. It had to, because what was behind it was worse, had serrated edges, and he was hoping he could keep it at bay - for both of their sakes. At least for a little longer. 

Please don’t make me say it, Tommy. 

He put his right foot in front of his left and kept walking. As though there was a measurable amount of distance that he could put between himself and what used to be his life that would make losing it all hurt less. 

“You’re just gonna-” 

“Goddamnit I said don’t.” 

But little brothers are stubborn. 

“Hey, stop. Fuckin’ look at me, Joel!”  

He did, then, wheeling around and facing Tommy head on, almost making him stumble backwards.

--

LISTEN I SAID SORRY. This one is taking some time to work through because of all the jumps and emotional whiplash. I'm trying to finish the whole thing before I post the first part, so it might be a little while before you see it materialize. I have been actively picking away at it though, so who knows?

[pedrospatch]

oh my god i love this story so much and i don’t know where to start.

this might be all over the place as i’m at work, but i just needed to get this second chapter in when i had some quiet/slow moments at my desk.

it hurts but it hurts SO GOOD. for as much as it makes me sad that she doesn’t remember and how hard it has to be hitting joel, there were so many instances where i smiled and i think it’s a great balance of angst, but also the comedic and sweeter moments too.

it’s so interesting to get glimpses of reader and who she was in the past seeing as that’s all she remembers. bits where she’s like “that’s not like me” and such.

i could probably quote the whole chapter but here’s a few of my favorite moments!

The longer his words set in, the more you were finding it difficult to look at him. It was such a strange feeling, having this large, burly, gruff man proclaim his love for you, to say he would stop at nothing to make you feel the same way, to insist you were meant for each other. It seemed so out of character, though you hardly felt like you knew him. But even now as you walked down the street, you noticed how some of the people in town glanced at him. Moving quickly out of his way.

It wasn't just you who found him intimidating.

i will ALWAYS be a fan of big, bad joel miller being so so SO soft for his girl. it’s like a drug to me. i just love it when everyone else runs in the other direction when it comes to this man because he’s kind of terrifying but for her? he’s a pile of goo.

You chanced a look at him, studying his stern expression when you realized he was still holding you against him. He was warm. Warmer than you expected. And solid.

oh this warm, solid steady man *sigh*

"I'm sure. You won't leave me, right?" you asked, looking at him nervously.

i can imagine joel’s heart must have fluttered a bit when she made sure he wouldn’t leave her because mine sure did

the scene when they’re at the bar and talking about the whiskey. 🥺

"Whiskey's how we first met," he said softly, still staring at the glass. You tilted your head towards him, waiting for him to continue. "When you first arrived, you were like a caged animal. You came here lookin' to blow off steam," he said with a distant smile. "It was a slow night. Just you and me and a handful of others. You were tossin' that shit back like it was nothin'."

she’s really shook that not only was she a drinker, but that she came onto him and it gave me a good chuckle.

At first, the memories made him smile, but once he saw the lost look on your face he felt the sadness creep back up, settling deep in his chest, and he wondered if he would ever get you back.

and then the angst came along like a slap in the face. but it’s fine it hurts so good.

"That must mean you don't remember Joel, right?"

Suddenly, the door swung open and Ellie stormed in. Her hard gaze drifted around to the three girls and she gave them a look of disgust.

"Scram, vultures," she told them, and the blonde made a face at her before flipping her hair over her shoulder and heading to one of the stalls. Ellie called your name and you scurried over, allowing her to lead you back out into the dining room but not before she gave the other two girls a few choice words.

YEAH YOU FUCKIN TELL EM ELLIE

i adore your characterization of her! it’s SO spot on imo

going down a bit further into the chapter. the way she’s willing to try for him gives me so much hope that her memories will come back to her sooner rather than later

i just want to hug joel btw. like he’s optimistic it seems but also you can just FEEL how fucking sad he is over it.

the journal was a nice touch for the plot but the last line she read???? the cliffhanger??? he lied to her???? WHAT

the way i think it’s going to make her take like 10 steps back because she’s probably going to feel like she can’t trust him??? i’m fine. not crying at all. GOD i hope i’m so wrong about this theory.

great second chapter!

i know who you are | 2. the journal

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Your memories still remain out of reach, so you ask Joel to tell you a bit about yourself, and with the help of a journal you kept, you begin to learn more about the person you became in the past ten years, leaving you with more questions than answers.

Chapter Warnings: language, eating, alcohol use, angst, pining, sad!Joel, amnesia

WC: 6.3K

Series Masterlist

"Did'ya get any sleep?"

You glanced up at Joel as you walked side by side towards the dining hall.

"No," you admitted, looking straight ahead again.

After Joel left you in his - your - bedroom, instructing you to rest on his way out, you found you could do anything but. Your mind was spinning with all of the information you had just learned, and you weren't sure which topic consumed you more: the end of the world or the supposed love of your life.

The longer his words set in, the more you were finding it difficult to look at him. It was such a strange feeling, having this large, burly, gruff man proclaim his love for you, to say he would stop at nothing to make you feel the same way, to insist you were meant for each other. It seemed so out of character, though you hardly felt like you knew him. But even now as you walked down the street, you noticed how some of the people in town glanced at him. Moving quickly out of his way.

It wasn't just you who found him intimidating.

You were distracted as you walked, curiously peering into storefronts and repurposed buildings when a group of children playing a game of tag nearly ran into you. At the last moment, Joel tugged your arm, pulling you into his side just in time. The children seemed to realize their mistake because their laughter quickly stopped and the smiles fell from their faces as they looked up at him.

"We're sorry, Mr. Miller," a young boy no more than eight years old said.

Miller. You never even bothered to ask his last name.

Joel just grunted and they scurried away, no doubt eager to escape his glare. You chanced a look at him, studying his stern expression when you realized he was still holding you against him. He was warm. Warmer than you expected. And solid. You cleared your throat and stepped away from his grasp, muttering your thanks and glancing around the busy street to avoid the disappointed look in his eye when it became clear you weren't comfortable with him touching you.

You shoved your hands in the pockets of your jeans and continued to walk in silence down the main road. A few people shot you curious looks or did double takes as they walked by, and you had to assume if Ellie heard the news about your accident, then others had, as well.

The Tipsy Bison came into view at the corner of the street, made obvious by the large crowds of people gathered outside.

"Does everyone have to eat here or are you allowed to have food in your homes?" you asked him, and he looked down at you, surprised by the question.

"We got food. It's not like a prison or somethin'," he said with a chuckle. "Most folks like to come here to socialize, but sometimes we cook dinner at home," he stopped short when he realized he never asked you what you preferred. "Did'ya wanna stay home instead?"

"No, this is fine," you told him over your shoulder.

"You sure? Maybe it's too much right now," he replied, jogging a bit to keep up.

"I'm sure. You won't leave me, right?" you asked, looking at him nervously.

"'Course not," he said, trying to hide his grin. He liked that you wanted him around, even if it was only because you didn't know anybody else. It was a start.

When Joel swung the door open, holding it wide so you could enter first, it might have been your imagination but you thought the loud chatter simultaneously died down for a split second. Then Joel stepped in beside you and the volume rose once again.

You wanted to look around and take in the rustic atmosphere but you could feel the eyes on you as Joel led you through the crowd, the scrutiny making you feel extremely out of place, so you kept your gaze pinned straight ahead. Following dutifully behind, you watched as people automatically moved out of his way, like he was Moses parting the Red Sea, until he reached a table in a somewhat quiet corner of the dining hall. He pulled out a chair and stood behind it, his hand still resting on the back, and it took you a second to realize he was waiting for you to sit so he could push it in. You quietly thanked him then finally looked around the room.

The dining room had tables scattered around, and as far as you could see, they all appeared to be taken. People were standing in groups, drinking and laughing and eating and you wondered how in the world your table wasn't taken. You were about to turn and ask when an older man approached your table.

"Hey guys," he said, pulling out a pad of paper from his pocket. "What'll it be?"

You went wide eyed for a moment, looking around trying to figure out what your choices were when, much to your relief, Joel spoke for you both.

"Still got any of that stew left?"

"Sure do. Few guys got lucky earlier today, too. Got two deer, so we'll be havin' more soon," he replied, jotting something down on his paper. "Two whiskies?"

Joel was about to nod when you spoke up for the first time.

"Just water for me, thanks," you said, and the man nodded his head.

"Thanks, Seth," Joel said as he walked away.

You glanced at Joel quickly, awkwardly catching his eye. It felt too much like a date. Dropping your gaze to the table, you tried to think of something to say.

"Probably a good idea, skippin' alcohol," he said. "Didn't even think about it, what with your head and all."

"Yeah," you said, your hand coming up to gently touch the stitches. "Besides, I don't like whiskey, anyway," you added. Joel laughed softly as he watched you shift nervously in your chair.

"What?" you asked with a frown.

"Nothin'," he replied, still staring at you in disbelief. "Just ever since you got here you've been tossin' back whiskey better than most of the men. You must've gotten a taste for it at some point."

"There's no way," you said, scrunching your nose when Seth put down Joel's glass in front of him. He stared down at it wistfully, swirling the amber liquid in the glass, lost in thought.

"Whiskey's how we first met," he said softly, still staring at the glass. You tilted your head towards him, waiting for him to continue. "When you first arrived, you were like a caged animal. You came here lookin' to blow off steam," he said with a distant smile. "It was a slow night. Just you and me and a handful of others. You were tossin' that shit back like it was nothin'."

You watched him as he reminisced. His eyes shone brightly and a small smile played on his lips, it almost felt like you were intruding on something special.

"When me and Ellie first arrived, no one really went outta their way to talk to me. I preferred it that way. Was used to bein' on my own," he continued, looking up at you now. "But that night, you sat down next to me at the bar like you had been waitin' for me or somethin'. You asked me if I was drinkin' for fun or drinkin' to forget. Those were the very first words you said to me."

You were completely silent as he spoke. The way he told it, it felt like you could see the scene playing out right before you, the way he remembered every detail left you in awe.

"What did you say?" you asked a little breathlessly.

The corner of his mouth twitched and he looked down at the table.

"Drinkin' to forget."

You waited for him to elaborate, but when it became apparent he wasn't going to, you asked him another question.

"Then what happened?"

He raised his eyebrows and hummed, a slow smile stretching across his face before he answered.

"You told me you could help me have fun and help me forget," he said, and you could feel the heat instantly flush your cheeks.

"Oh, my god," you murmured, covering your mouth, utterly mortified. "Please tell me you're joking."

He shook his head, still smiling at the memory. You glanced around the room, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"So then, did we...?" you trailed off, gaze still fixed on a spot on the wall.

"Oh, yeah. 'Course we did. I'm no saint," he chuckled.

"Jesus Christ," you said, burying your face in your hands. "That doesn't sound like me at all."

"It's not. Well, not anymore. You had an edge to you when you first arrived. Most do. Survivin' out there does that to you," he said, taking his first sip of whiskey.

You sat in silence for another minute, contemplating asking him what he knew about your life before you met him, but ultimately deciding against it. Maybe another time.

"Where's the bathroom?" you asked him, and he pointed down a small hallway near the bar. You thanked him, his eyes trailing after you as you made your way through the crowds, only dropping his gaze once you were no longer in view. It was a strange thing, recounting stories for you like that. At first, the memories made him smile, but once he saw the lost look on your face he felt the sadness creep back up, settling deep in his chest, and he wondered if he would ever get you back.

You knew you were in the bathroom too long. You knew he would likely be worried, but you just couldn't stop staring at your reflection in the mirror after you washed your hands. Who was this person staring back at you? She looked older and weathered and tired. Your fingertip gently prodded at the bags under your eyes and then a small scar on your chin. What happened to you out there to make you the person Joel was describing? What did you have to do to survive? And did you really want to know the answer?

The door swung open, startling you as three girls around your age entered the bathroom. Their giggles stopped when they saw you and you watched them exchange glances in the mirror before a pretty girl with long, blonde hair greeted you by name. Turning around, you gave her a smile, hoping they would go about their business so you could slip out of there, but of course the pretty girl wanted to talk.

"We heard you had an accident, are you okay?" she asked, and she sounded sincere, but something about her smile made you think twice.

"Yeah, got a few stitches but it should be fine," you said, your eyes flicking to the other two girls, giving them each a smile. They looked at each other and smirked before heading towards the bathroom stalls, leaving you with just the blonde.

"So, is it true? Did you really lose your memory?" she asked, her voice low as if it were a secret, and finally you were able to pick up the vibe. You had been to high school before the outbreak. You had encounters with these types of girls before. Friendly to your face, vicious behind your back.

"Uh, yeah," you admitted, and she gasped as if she felt bad, but you saw the way her eyes lit up.

"So you don't remember, like, anything?"

"Well, I remember before everything went to hell," you told her, "but I don't remember this place, no."

"Oh, wow," she said, and you heard the toilets flush before the other two girls exited the stalls, grinning conspiratorially at the blonde. "So you don't know anybody here?"

You shook your head, feeling uncomfortable with the line of questioning at this point. What was she really getting at?

"That must mean you don't remember Joel, right?" one of the girls at the sink piped up. You looked at her briefly over your shoulder and shook your head, turning back to the blonde but not before you caught the look in her eye.

"Oh, that's too bad," she said, giving you a pout. "Does that mean you aren't together anymore, or-"

Suddenly, the door swung open and Ellie stormed in. Her hard gaze drifted around to the three girls and she gave them a look of disgust.

"Scram, vultures," she told them, and the blonde made a face at her before flipping her hair over her shoulder and heading to one of the stalls. Ellie called your name and you scurried over, allowing her to lead you back out into the dining room but not before she gave the other two girls a few choice words.

"Don't talk to them, they're nasty," she told you as you weaved your way through the crowd. Joel's eyes instantly found you once you were in view and you saw him straighten up in his chair.

"You okay?" he asked, and you could see the genuine concern in his face as you sat down. You were about to answer when Ellie plopped down on the other side of him and spoke first.

"Angie and her little sidekicks cornered her in there," she explained, rolling her eyes. "Already sniffing around for scraps."

"What do you mean?" you asked her, but just then Seth arrived with your meals and you never got an answer.

"Stew again?" Ellie asked, scrunching up her nose.

"It's good," Joel told her before taking a bite. You looked down at the bowl and you were inclined to agree with Ellie, but you swallowed the food down anyway, just grateful for something to eat after such a long day.

"Aren't you going to eat?" you asked her, noticing she hadn't ordered anything and instead was busy sketching in a journal.

"Nah, I'm going to Dina's later, I'll eat there," she explained without looking up.

"Who's Dina?"

"Oh, my girlfriend," Ellie explained, glancing up at you briefly. "Sorry. I still can't get used to this. It's so weird you don't remember."

"Don't be out too late. You got school tomorrow," Joel reminded her. Even though he wasn't Ellie's father, he seemed to have quite the knack for being a dad.

"Yes, sir," she said sarcastically, giving him a weak, two-fingered salute before hunching back over her journal. You heard some familiar giggles coming from somewhere behind you, and when you turned to look, you locked eyes with the blonde girl from the bathroom - Angie - who was holding some drink in her hand, her two friends flanking her sides as she strolled past your table. Her eyes drifted briefly to Joel before she passed by, then turned her attention to her friends, disappearing into the crowd.

"Who is that?" you asked, realizing you never really got much of an explanation. Joel and Ellie responded at the same time.

"Nobody."

"Joel's ex."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise as Joel glared at Ellie.

"What? She woulda found out eventually," Ellie protested.

"She ain't even an ex," he said, turning to you now. "Just a mistake I made one time before you even got here," he insisted. The tone in his voice made it sound like he was trying to reassure you there was nothing to worry about, but of course, the information didn't phase you.

"Okay," you replied with a shrug. He examined your blank stare for a moment, searching for a glimmer of recognition. The disappointment in his expression every time something like this happened was becoming too much to bear, so you dragged your eyes off him to glance around the crowded room once again. You found Tommy leaning against the bar and you stood up.

"Where are you goin'?"

"I need to ask Tommy something," you said. "I'll be right back."

His eyes followed you as you pushed your way towards the bar, his heart feeling like it was going to break. He wasn't exactly looking for you to have an overly jealous reaction to hearing about another woman from his past, but your casual indifference hurt more than he expected. When you first found out about Angie, you insisted you weren't jealous but the way you sneered at her going forward, combined with giving him the best sex of his life later that night told him a different story.

"You think she'll ever get her memory back?" Ellie asked, still focusing on her drawing. Joel sighed and dragged his hands down his face.

"I don't know, kid."

"What'd you need to talk to Tommy for?" Joel asked once you both arrived back to his - your - home. You had wandered into the kitchen, Joel hot on your trail.

"Oh, I just had a question about something I saw when we were out there today," you explained, and he raised an eyebrow for you to continue. "There were dead bodies when I came to. They looked all decayed and... subhuman. Now that you told me about the infection, I wanted to ask."

Joel watched you open and close cupboards until you found the glasses, then picked one out to fill with water.

"So you ran into some runners," he said, and you nodded. "Did he happen to mention how you hit your head?"

Your hand froze, your glass halfway to your lips as you considered his question.

"Actually, no, he didn't," you said, setting down the glass and looking up at him.

"Yeah, he didn't really tell me, either," he replied, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "When he told me you hit your head and you were havin' trouble remeberin' things, I just came runnin'."

Guilt washed over you yet again as you thought about Joel being told the news and how panicked he must have been. He practically ripped all the exam room doors off their hinges to find you, only to be met with a stranger when he finally did.

"Well, I can ask him tomorrow," you finally said, putting your glass in the sink to avoid looking at him.

"Yeah," he replied, trailing off a bit. He was still lost in thought, trying to remember Tommy's exact words when you walked past him towards the stairs.

"You're tired?"

"Well, it's been a long day," you told him, pausing on a stair to look back down at him.

"Right, 'course," he said, shaking his head and following you up. When you got to the doorway of his bedroom you paused, looking up at him. It seemed like he was struggling to say something, his mind working hard to find the words, but instead he just gazed down at you, brown eyes all wide and soft.

"Don't suppose anythin's comin' back to you yet?" he finally asked, and you hated seeing that look. That same hopeful look you kept seeing right before you opened your mouth and crushed him. This was hard for him, you knew that, but the way he kept looking at you was making things so much worse. The pressure you felt to become this person he was expecting you to be was overwhelming. You opted to drop your gaze to the floor and slowly shake your head.

"That's okay," he said, and you dragged your eyes back up to him. "Maybe tomorrow."

You gave him a small smile. "Yeah, maybe."

He sighed and glanced at the door to the spare room.

"You need anythin', I'm right next door," he said, hitching his thumb to the side and giving you a lopsided grin, but you could still see it in his eyes. The disappointment. The sadness. The yearning. And it was making you feel sick.

Just as he turned to head towards the spare room, you spoke. "Joel?"

And he eagerly swiveled back around.

"I'm gonna try really hard to remember," you said earnestly, looking deep into his eyes.

"I know," he replied with a sad smile. He gave you one more look before heading into the spare room and softly closing the door behind him.

Joel slept like shit.

No surprise there, really. He hadn't slept without you in years. He had hoped the whiskey would have helped, but he was wrong. His mind was racing as he tossed and turned, and by morning he had foolishly convinced himself that you would be back to normal after a good night's rest. He got up early and made coffee for the two of you, like he always did, then tended to the fire in the living room. The nights and early mornings were frigid, but the days were warm. The first sign that fall was approaching fast. He was just putting the poker back when he heard the bedroom door creak open upstairs and his heart jumped into his throat excitedly, but when you descended the stairs and locked eyes with him, he knew nothing had changed. He didn't even bother to ask. You didn't look at him the same way you used to. You used to smile and gravitate towards him, your hands always seeking out his, your eyes playful and loving, but now you looked at him like he was a complete stranger. Devoid of all affection, the only thing that remained was a forced politeness.

You said good morning and headed into the kitchen and Joel wondered how long it would take for you to come around. Less than a day ago, you looked at him in fear, but now you seemed at least comfortable in his presence. That had to count for something.

He must have looked like shit because when he joined you in the kitchen, you eyed him up and down curiously.

"Have you been up for a while?"

He shook his head and picked up his mug, taking a sip and hoping the caffeine would bring him back to life.

"How's your head?" he asked.

"Not great," you admitted, pouring your own cup of coffee. "It really hurts. I think whatever meds the doctor gave me yesterday wore off."

Without even thinking, Joel quickly closed the distance between you to examine your injury. You startled a bit when he came up behind you and lifted your hair, but for his benefit, you tamped down your reaction. His touch was surprisingly gentle as he gripped the nape of your neck to angle your head downwards in order to get a better look. You closed your eyes and held your breath as you focused on his fingertips pressing tenderly into your skin. You heard him murmur to himself, the sound coming from deep within his chest, and you realized just how close he really was. Aside from pulling you out of the way so the kids playing tag wouldn't knock you down, it was the first time he had really touched you, and he was so much softer than you expected.

"Don't think it's infected but let's go see the doc, just to be sure," he said, his hand still on your neck, his other hand pushing your hair away.

"Okay," you said quietly, finally allowing yourself to take in a shaky breath as you waited for him to release you.

As if he realized what he was doing, he let your hair fall back into place and let go of your neck, his fingertips lightly trailing down your spine before falling to his side, making you shiver and step away.

"Sorry," he said. "Should've asked to look first."

"It's fine," you told him, absentmindedly rubbing the spot on your neck his fingers just touched.

As you walked side by side to the infirmary, his stony expression slid back into place. Gone was the softness you witnessed in his home. His hardened gaze drifted around the street, then to the watch towers, taking everything in. Studying. Calculating. And that was when you realized there were two Joel Millers: the one who the rest of the town viewed as gruff and callous, and the one you saw in the kitchen that morning, soft and gentle.

You wondered how many people got to see the latter version.

Nick examined you again in the same room as before, but this time, Joel was there watching his every move like a hawk. You could practically see the tension radiating off Nick's shoulders as he moved around the room. He examined your cut carefully, Joel's eyes never once leaving his hands, confirming that it was not infected before parceling out ten little white tablets of extra strength Tylenol into a small baggie and advising you to use them sparingly as inventory was low.

"That's it?" Joel asked incredulously.

"You know how it is, Joel," Nick said, but you heard his voice waver when Joel stood up from his chair. "Meds are hard to come by, we gotta be smart-"

"She hit her goddamn head so fuckin' hard she's lucky she remembers her own name and you're givin' her Tylenol?" he seethed, and you could see his neck growing flush with anger again.

"Joel, calm down, it's fine," you said, sliding off the table. Turning to Nick, you were about to voice your thanks when Joel cut you off.

"It ain't fine. What's it gotta take to get somethin' that actually works?" he huffed, taking a step forward and making Nick shift his weight nervously. "She gotta be missin' an arm? Maybe if she hit her head hard enough to forget what fuckin' planet she's on?"

"Joel, that's enough!" you snapped with a frown, and much to Nick's relief, Joel instantly backed off. He turned and paced around the small room, his hand rubbing over his mouth as he tried to calm down.

"What about my memory? Is it a bad sign I haven't remembered anything yet?" you asked Nick, and Joel paused somewhere behind you to listen to his answer.

"Well, the brain is a tricky thing," he began, his eyes darting over your shoulder briefly. "It could be weeks, could be months. Without any imaging, I wouldn't be able to tell you much more than that." You nodded and swallowed nervously before asking your next question.

"Or never, right?"

Nick took a deep breath and looked at Joel over your shoulder again before responding.

"It's possible."

You heard Joel's boots squeak against the linoleum floor and without even looking, you knew he was anxiously pacing around again.

"Alright, thank you. We'll get out of your hair now," you said, turning to corral Joel towards the door.

"Regardless, I'd like to see you again in a few days so I can take a look at those stitches," Nick said, and you agreed while pushing a muttering Joel back out into the hallway.

"I'll get you better meds," he said as you both walked out of the infirmary. "I got patrol tomorrow mornin', but I can go out after. There's a small cluster of houses we never did a full sweep on. Maybe-"

"The Tylenol is fine, don't go through the trouble. You could get hurt," you said, shoving the baggie of pills into your pocket.

"Tylenol ain't gonna do shit. I don't want you bein' in pain if there's somethin' we can do about it."

You sighed and rubbed the back of your neck, trying to temporarily relieve the ache in your head until you could get home and take one of the pills. You gave Joel a sideways glance, studying him as you walked together. He was brash and rude and aggressive, but you were learning that side of him came out when he was being protective over the ones he loved.

Or when he was trying to hide who he really was.

"So, everyone pitches in around here, right?" you asked, trying to change the subject. "You do patrol. What do I do?"

You paused at a crossroads, trying to remember which way to go, when Joel's hand on your elbow guided you in the right direction.

"You work patrol, too, but you ain't doin' that anymore," he said, letting go of your elbow after holding on for a moment too long.

"Well, obviously. I don't even know how to ride a horse," you said with a snort. "So I guess I need to find a new job, right? Who do I talk to?"

"Why don't you slow down a minute?" Joel said with a chuckle. "Let that pretty little head of yours heal up before you go lookin' for work."

You weren't going to say anything about his comment. Although it took you off guard, you realized he had habits that were going to be hard to ignore and you didn't expect that to happen overnight, but he seemed to realize what he said on his own and awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Sorry," he said softly.

"It's okay. I know this is difficult for you," you said, shooting him a sympathetic glance as you climbed his porch steps. He swung open the door and followed you inside, where you made a beeline for a glass of water so you could take one of the pills.

"We got a lotta history, you and me. It's hard to start over," he said as he watched you toss back the Tylenol with a wince. You examined his face closely and pulled out one of the stools to sit down. You leaned forward, forearms resting on the cool countertop before replying.

"Tell me a story."

He raised an eyebrow at you but couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from turning up a bit.

"What kinda story?"

"A story about us. You just said we have a lot of history together. Let's hear some of it," you replied with an encouraging smile.

"You sure? Thought you'd wanna go lay down," he said, but he eagerly pulled up a stool across from you.

"I think I can handle one little story," you told him, then watched as he stared down at his hands on top of the counter, deep in thought. When he thought of one, a slow smile spread across his face and his dark brown eyes flicked up to meet yours and you saw that softer side of him again.

"Alright," he said, settling back a bit. "So I told'ya last night how we met."

You cringed, remembering the story of a much bolder and seductive version of yourself, and nodded.

"Well, after that night we started seein' each other for a few weeks. It was just casual, nothin' serious," he said, looking down at his hands again. "I convinced you to sneak around so no one would catch on, and you grew tired of that. Rightfully so. I was bein' an asshole."

You watched him pull at a loose thread on the cuff of his flannel shirt, his eyes still cast down and you were beginning to realize it was due to shame.

"So anyway. One day you came over to, y'know..." he said, and you felt the heat in your cheeks again. "And you confronted me about it head on. Demanded to know why I wanted to keep you a secret. Thought I was ashamed of you - which I wasn't," he said quickly, his eyes finally meeting yours again. "But I had been through a lot of shit and I just didn't think I could give myself to someone like that again."

"What kind of shit?" you asked quietly, but he just lightly shook his head.

"One story at a time," he told you with a sad smile. You chewed on your lower lip as you waited for him to continue, his focus back on the loose string while he collected his thoughts.

"So I explained I had a hard time lettin' people in, that I wasn't capable of carin' 'bout anyone like that anymore, and you said to me, 'I know who you are, Joel Miller. Don't give me that bullshit, you're just scared.'"

He stared into your eyes, letting what he said land and hoping to see a flicker of the woman who spoke those words, but you just continued to look at him, waiting for him to finish the story like it was about somebody else entirely.

"Well, you were right, obviously. You always are," he continued with a smirk. "It knocked me on my ass. And I didn't know what was more difficult to believe: that you knew me better than I knew myself, or someone like you wanted anythin' to do with me in the first place."

You smiled and dropped your gaze to the counter, suddenly feeling shy.

"I'm not saying I don't believe you, but so far, these stories don't sound like me at all," you admitted.

He took a deep breath and finally stopped fidgeting with his sleeve.

"A lot's happened in ten years. Stuff that changes people. But I don't care what version of you's here, I love all of you."

You kept your eyes glued to his hands. You wished you could say it back. You knew he wanted to hear it. Maybe one day.

He tapped his finger on the counter, pulling your attention up so you were forced to look him in the eye.

"You fought for me that night, now I'm gonna fight for you, okay?" he said, eyebrows raised as he waited for you to acknowledge him. When you nodded sheepishly, his shoulders relaxed.

"So you're saying I fell in love with you because you were an asshole?" you joked, trying to lighten the mood, and it worked. Joel laughed heartily and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Nah, you didn't love me then," he said, still smiling.

"So how did I fall in love with you?" you asked, and his tongue clicked against his teeth.

"You're gonna have to wait to find out," he replied with a wink.

It wasn't his fault, but the rest of the day you could feel Joel looking at you. He was examining you, waiting to see the woman he fell in love with, and the pressure was beginning to be too much, so you made up an excuse to go lay down in his bedroom. He had mentioned he had patrol in the morning. Maybe some time away from him would help you relax.

You stared up at the white ceiling. The distant sound of children laughing outside through the closed window and then the door to the garage swinging open and shut acted as a soundtrack to your overactive thoughts. You almost had to laugh. It felt like your mind was constantly working, churning up information and digesting it only to always come up empty.

Absolutely nothing seemed familiar. Nothing about this place or these people felt like home.

You wished so badly you could remember something. Anything to make you feel like you belonged there. One little shred of hope was all you were looking for.

And then you remembered the journal.

Sitting up in bed, you tucked your legs underneath you and reached over for the black book. You fingers hesitated for a moment on the cover. It felt like an invasion of privacy, but how could that be when it was your own?

Taking a deep breath, you flipped open the journal and began at the beginning.

Right away, you could tell you wrote the entries. There was no doubt in your mind. Aside from your handwriting, your typical disorganization shone through like a beacon on every page. You occasionally remembered to notate in the margin the date, or your best guess at the date, but more often than not you were left with very little context for each small paragraph you read.

You were disappointed to realize the journal seemed to begin after you had met Joel. A big part of you was very eager to learn more about the person you were before finding Jackson, but it seemed as though you would have to depend on others to tell you stories you hopefully had relayed to them in the past.

The first page looked to be a list of items you had jotted down that didn't make much sense, but maybe when you first found the notebook, you hadn't intended to use it as a journal.

Socks, colored pencils, sunflower seeds, cards.

Flipping the page, you skimmed a short paragraph about a cabin you stumbled upon when on patrol. Again, it was more notes than anything of any substance. A description of approximately where it was in relation to Jackson along with a note to 'mention it at the next town hall meeting'.

Finally something interesting on the next page, you read a short paragraph about someone named Maria having a baby girl, and you frowned when you read the line Joel handled it better than I expected.

Continuing on, you read an entry about Christmas: Joel found me the softest sweater, it almost felt brand new. I really don't know how he managed to find it and I described the house I grew up in to Ellie and she drew it perfectly, I can't believe how talented she is.

One paragraph in particular grabbed your attention. It was about two people, and based on the context, it sounded like you were close friends. For the first time since we got here, I had the same day off as Ben and Lisa. We went fishing together and brought a lunch. It felt just like old times. As weird as it sounds, sometimes I miss being out there with them. We made a good team.

Maybe this Ben and Lisa would be able to answer some questions you had about yourself. Based on what you just read, it sounded like they knew you before Jackson.

There was a lot more to read, but the next page stopped you dead in your tracks. Your heart began to beat faster as you stared at the four words. Just one sentence, no explanation. A shiver slowly trickled down your spine as you sat there, unmoving, as your vision narrowed on the page: Joel lied to me.

Please follow @punkshort-notifs and turn on notifications for fic updates ❤️

[honeyedmiller]

Mystery | Joel Miller

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: alcohol consumption, teasing, sensual dancing, no outbreak, no use of y/n. 18+, minors do not interact.

word count: 1k+

synopsis: Tommy drags Joel to a club which he detests to, until he sets his sights on you.

if you really wanna catch the vibes for this one shot i highly suggest listening to Black Magic Woman by Santana as this is literally based off of this song

-

“Still don’t understand why the hell you’re draggin’ me to this damn club. ‘M too old to be clubbin’, Tommy.” Joel shakes his head as he rests it against the headrest of the passenger seat of Tommy’s truck.

“It’s for your own good, big brother. Work’s been stressin’ you lots. Y’need to relax.” Tommy lightly chastised his older brother with a small curl of a smile on his lips.

“What I need is an ice cold beer while I’m watchin’ the Cowboys playin’… at home.” Joel grunts, looking out of the passenger window.

Austin’s nightlife was crawling with young men and women down the streets where they could all bar hop, go clubbing, or grab a bite to eat. Everyone looked to be around Tommy’s age, meanwhile, Joel felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb.

He wasn’t even old, albeit he sure as hell felt like it. Probably looked like it too, to all these youngins in their mid-twenties.

Nerves and anxiety twisted in Joel’s gut. It’d been ages since he’d been out, especially to a club. He truly had no idea what the hell Tommy was thinking bringing him along, but he went just so Tommy would stop nagging him.

Brothers.

Younger ones, to be exact.

Tommy lucked out with a parking spot near the club’s entrance. The two brothers got out of the car, Joel immediately noticing people—women—were looking Tommy’s way. Hell, even men too.

Tommy walked very confidently. He was suave, collected, and knew exactly how to get what he wanted when he had his eyes zeroed in on the lady he wanted to talk to for the night.

On the other hand, Joel was a hell of a lot more reserved. Quiet, kept his hands tucked into his jean pockets, and was truly oblivious to every person who looked his way.

The bouncer knew Tommy well enough apparently, because he let him and Joel right into the club.

To Joel’s surprise, the club was actually playing decent music. There were plenty of people on the dance floor having a good time, and the smoke-ridden atmosphere was rather calm despite it being so packed.

“C’mon, let’s get a drink.” Tommy jerked his head toward the bar, and Joel followed suit.

“Tommy man, how the hell are ya?” The bartender shouts, bringing Tommy in for a quick hug.

“I’m good, Sam. Brought my brother Joel with me this time.” Tommy nods toward Joel, and Sam’s eyes shift to Joel. He stuck out his hand, which Joel shook.

“Nice to meet you, Joel.”

“Likewise.”

“What can I get for you fellas?” Sam asks, wiping his hands on the white rag slung over his shoulder.

“I’ll take a Modelo.” Tommy says.

“I’ll take whatever whiskey you got. Neat.”

Sam nods and pours up both of their drinks, setting them on the counter. Tommy hands over his card to Sam and tells him to keep a tab open.

“So what exactly do you plan on me doin’ here, Tommy?” Joel looks at his brother, taking a sip of his whiskey. It burned so good, making him grimace a bit.

“I already said it, big brother. Just relax. Dance. Have fun. Don’t fuckin’ think about shit for one night, yeah?” Tommy grabs Joel’s shoulder and squeezes it. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna head on out to the dance floor to find myself a nice lady to dance with.”

And just like that, Joel is left at the bar all alone. He doesn’t mind it too much. It gives him the opportunity to scope out the place and see what all the patrons are up to. He keeps sipping his whiskey slowly, eyes scanning the dance floor when he immediately stops.

He spots who’s got to be the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in his life, dancing the night away with her girlfriends.

Something about the way she moved was so enthralling, so captivating.

That woman happened to be you.

Joel couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Just like him, you tagged along with your group of friends to de-stress from the hell of a week you’ve had. Clubbing was your friends’ solution to relaxing. It took you a bit of coaxing, but now that you’re out and dancing, you’re glad you came with them.

“I’m gonna go get a drink.” You wrapped your hands around one of your friend’s arms, notifying them. They nod at you and ask if you want them to come with, to which you declined.

As you made your way across the dance floor, you spotted a man sitting at the bar that was already just blatantly staring at you. You found it a bit odd, but you had to admit, he was extremely handsome.

Rugged features and soft, dark brown eyes. What a mix.

You made it up to the bar and knocked on it twice, as if Sam could easily hear it. Sam saw you anyway and gave you a big smile.

“What’ll it be, sweets?” Sam asked.

You leaned over the bar right next to Joel, wearing a strapless corset top, skinny jeans that showed off your curves in every single right place, and some strap black heels that made your legs look like they went on for miles.

“Whiskey, neat please.” Your voice was sweet, Joel thought. Buttery. Thick and nearly addicting, and you’d only said three goddamn words.

Sam handed you your drink, and you grinned at him. “Thanks Sam!” You took your drink and sat down two barstools away from Joel.

Joel wanted to look at you some more, but he knew he’d be clocked as a total creep if he did that. He just wanted to admire you. Admire your features, the way your hands curled around the glass as you brought the glass up to your mouth, the way your red lipstick painted said glass once you took a sip.

You were a sight to behold, and Joel was fucking bewitched.

The man didn’t believe in love at first sight, but god, he might just believe in it now.

You looked over at Joel who was trying hard not to look at you as he swirled what was left in his glass. He glanced up at you when he felt your stare on him. Your lips were adorned with a soft smile, and he easily returned one.

You slipped out of your seat and into the one next to Joel, crossing a leg over the other as you faced him.

“Noticed you were staring.” You chuckle, and petrification crosses his features. His neck and ears burn bright red, and he looked down at his glass once more.

“‘M sorry. Just couldn’t help it. You’re beautiful.” He said shyly, and he was kicking himself for being so timid.

He just quite literally hadn’t done this in so long. He forgot how to have a normal conversation with someone he found so attractive. How to flirt. How to do anything when it came to women.

It’s like his brain completely short circuited, but you found it charming in a way. At least he wasn’t some douchebag trying to hit on you just to get in your pants.

“It’s okay. Thank you,” You chuckle, putting a hand on his knee. He froze at your touch, feeling like his body was on fire. No one’s ever had this type of effect on him. “What’s your name?”

He clears his throat and reminds himself to stop acting like a total fucking weirdo. To breathe. A gorgeous woman was talking to him. He couldn’t blow it.

“Name’s Joel.” He raised his glass to you, and you grin. You clink your glass with his, shoot the rest of the whiskey down and hop off the barstool. Joel’s mood faltered for a second, thinking that you were leaving him at the bar.

“Nice to meet you, Joel. Come dance with me.” Your doe eyes and pretty pout of the lips was something Joel couldn’t deny, no matter how much he wasn’t a fan of dancing. He downed the rest of his whiskey as well, leaving the glass on the sticky maplewood bar top before taking your hand that you had held out to him.

You led him to the dance floor, facing him as the current song was ending, and Black Magic Woman by Santana started to play through the speakers.

“I love this song.” You say into Joel’s ear, and he grins and you and nods in agreement. His hands find home on your waist and yours on the back of his neck, and the both of you start to move.

You were impressed by how great of a lead Joel was. The man didn’t like dancing much, but he was a hell of a dancer.

You swayed your hips to the beat, Joel easily keeping up as his grip on your waist tightened in the slightest. You stared into his dark brown eyes, a feeling of neediness surging over the both of you.

All you saw was him in that very moment. You both moved fluidly across the dance floor, unaware of all of the wandering eyes coming to rest their gaze on you both.

Once the guitar riff started to play, Joel spun you around so your back was against his front.

Got a black magic woman,

Got a black magic woman,

I’ve got a black magic woman

Got me so blind I can’t see

That she’s a black magic woman

She’s tryin’ to make a devil out of me

You leaned your head back onto Joel’s shoulder and reached your arm up, grabbing the back of his neck as your other hand grabbed the other one of his that rested on your hip.

He was feeling on the bolder side, so he slotted his face into the crook of your neck, resting his lips on your warm flesh. He leaves a ghost of a kiss in one spot before moving his lips up to your ear.

“So fuckin’ beautiful.” Is all he says before you look up at him with a saccharine smile, spinning out from him.

Don’t turn your back on me baby,

Don’t turn your back on me baby,

Yes don’t turn your back on me, baby,

Stop messin’ ‘round with your tricks

Don’t turn your back on me, baby,

You just might pick up my magic sticks

Joel’s grip on your hands was solid as he spun you around twice, catching you by your hips to pull you flush against his body. At this point you two were grinding yourselves into each other while still managing to maneuver around the dance floor, footing in sync.

It began to feel extremely hot in the club as your body moved with his, aware of him and only him. His scent, his eyes on you, the way your body seemed to fit perfectly with his.

You’d only just met the man a mere ten minutes ago, and yet, you found yourself so drawn to him. So attracted to him. He seemed to feel the same, the way he was looking at you like you were the only other person in the room.

Got your spell on me baby,

You got your spell on me, baby,

Yes, you got your spell on me, baby,

Turning my heart into stone

I need you so bad magic woman

I can’t leave you alone

As the song came to an end, Joel spun you around twice more before dipping you down, clutching onto your body so tightly as reassurance to you that he’s got you.

His face was only a mere few inches away from yours. Both of you were entranced, staring into each other’s eyes as your ragged breaths were slowly becoming more normal.

Both of you came back to reality when you heard people cheering for the both of you, looking around at your surroundings to realize that there’s been a space in the dance floor people left just for the two of you.

Joel stood you upright, hands still not leaving your hips.

You smirked up at the man, leaning up to leave a kiss on his pulsating neck, which left a bright, puckered shape lipstick stain in its wake.

“Thanks for dancing with me, Joel.” Your hands pat his chest softly twice before going to walk away from him, but he abruptly stops you by gently tugging on your wrist.

“Wait, darlin’, what’s your name?” He asks, throat going dry as you give him a sultry stare.

Your red lips form into a smirk as you wink at him, turning to walk away into the once more crowded dance floor, leaving him in the middle of the sea of patrons.

He was too stunned to even follow after you. Too stunned to move, think, anything, until Tommy pulled him out of his trance when he gripped his brother’s shoulder.

“Who the hell was that?” Tommy asks, looking just as bewildered as Joel.

“I… have no idea.” He breathed, putting his hand over where you kissed him on the neck.

That night, at the club, after him and Tommy went home, and as he laid himself to sleep, he was praying to whatever god of fates was out there that he was able to find his mystery woman once more.

tags: @ilovepedro ; @party-hearses ; @bastardmandennis ; @tinygarbage ; @nostalxgic ; @cool-iguana