#joel miller unplanned pregnancy fic | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toomanystoriessolittletime · 10 months ago

Text

time

Summary: Not wanting to face Joel after you found out that you're pregnant, you leave the Boston QZ to live with Bill and Frank. Almost four years pass before you can't hide from him anymore, letting him finally know why you ran from him all these years back.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Wordcount: 6.7k

Rating: E

Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, secret pregnancy, secrets, fluff, trust issues, Joel being Joel, making up, kissing, age gap (not specified but it's around 15 years), smut (unprotected sex), mentions of alcohol, Joel really is bad at feelings, but he's trying, Girl Dad Joel Miller, happy end

A/N: if these two had a relationship status it would be "it's complicated" Another WiP done! So now I am allowed to think about Biker Raider Joel for a moment, right?

follow @toomanystoriessolittletime-fics and turn on notifications to get notified when I post new fics

Pedro Masterlist || Joel Masterlist || Main Masterlist

“You know you’ll have to face him at some point,” Frank had a fond smile on his lips as he sat in his wheelchair next to you. He was watching Bill who let himself chase across the yard of his picture perfect post apocalypse home.

Nobody would expect that just down the street, outside of the fence the world as you knew it had ended.

“I know,” you sighed.

“He asks for you every time he’s here. If we had seen you, if we knew where you are. He’s gonna understand,” Frank said and you scoffed.

“He’s not gonna care. He has Tess and… he’s not…” you shook your head, searching for the words, “he’s not the man I fell in love with.”

“We all can change,” Frank said, reaching over to squeeze your hand.

“Bill is the best example for that. Could you have imagined him like that when you showed up here three years ago?”

You watched Bill play with your daughter, Ava, playing catch.

“Joel is not like that. He was like that. Before. But that part of him died long ago.”

You sat in silence for a while, just watching Bill and Ava, trying to soak it all in. It would never be like that again and you were already dreading having to explain all of this to her.

“I’m gonna miss you,” you whispered, fighting against the tears as you looked at Frank. He smiled softly at you before he came closer, kissing your forehead.

Four years earlier

You knew he could tell when you were lying. He would know with one look at you that you were full of shit telling him that this was not working for you anymore. Whatever this between you was.

Joel and you had known each other since before the outbreak. You had started babysitting Sarah to earn some extra money while you were finishing you degree when she had just been nine years old and you had moved in next door.

You had been there on outbreak day. Next door, still living at home to take care of your sick father. You would never get the picture of his infected body lunging at you out of your head the night the world changed.

You and Joel… You didn’t know what Joel and you were exactly.

You loved Joel, you knew that. And you were pretty sure he loved you too. You just wanted… more. Most people did not allow themselves to love so openly anymore. And in Joel’s case? Losing Sarah had changed him. After fifteen years the man who had been Sarah’s father was gone, replaced by a man that still had his face, but was missing the warmth and comfort Joel Miller had once provided.

You could see it in glimpses, whenever his hand would rest on your back when he passed by. When he fell asleep in your arms deep in the night. When he kissed your forehead before he headed out for work.

Loving Joel Miller was easy.

Being loved by him was close to impossible.

You never really labelled your relationship, mostly because you did not think of it as important. You trusted him more than any other person on this planet. It’s why you ignored the way he had started looking at Tess. It’s why you did not question him when he stayed away at night. You ignored it all, opening your arms for him when he chose to come home to you, letting him in your bed just to feel close to him. To feel something.

The jealousy was killing you slowly, making you reckless when you let him have his way with your body.

But once you had missed your period the first month, and then the second, you knew that there was only one possible answer to your dilemma. You had never been late before. A ration card swapped for a twenty year old pregnancy test had your worst fears come true.

You were pregnant with Joel Miller’s child.

Fifteen years after you both buried his daughter. The daughter he never got over losing.

You could already see his reaction. The eyes you loved so much empty before he would tell you to deal with it.

You could not face his anger or disappointment, but mostly you could not face him not caring. So you packed your little belongings once he had left you in the morning, sneaking out of your bed without a word.

You did not leave a note, just fled the QZ, making your way over to Bill and Frank, hoping your friendship with Frank would make them take you in.

Of course Bill hadn’t want to, but once he saw your stomach swell (and tasted the sweets you baked in his kitchen) he had put all his work into making the house next door into your home.

“Mama, can we go get Strawbebbies?” you chuckled, holding her hand as you walked with her on your daily walk by the fence.

“Strawberries, baby,” you tried to correct her. Ava pouted at you, her dark curls swinging in the wind, her brown eyes so much like her fathers.

“That’s what I said!” she put her little hands on her hips and you smiled.

She was definitely her father’s daughter.

“Okay, baby. Let’s get some Strawbebbies,” you picked her up, making her shriek with laughter. Once again you were glad you made the decision to come here. She could grow up like a child was supposed to.

Even though now that Bill and Frank were gone it was getting kind of lonely. You had all enjoyed a last dinner together before Bill and Frank had tucked Ava in for one last time and read her a story.

You had tried to keep the tears at bay as Bill had reminded you of the folder full of instructions of how to take care of things around here for you.

After dinner you had walked them to the gate, opening the fence for them as they took their last walk. You had watched them until they had disappeared into the dark woods before you made your way back to their house. You had cleaned the dishes and tidied everything up, before with a heavy heart, you had turned off all the lights and closed the door behind you before you walked to your house, allowing yourself to cry yourself to sleep as you sat on the floor next to the bed of your daughter, watching her sleep.

That night was almost three months ago. The days were getting shorter, the nights colder. You’d have enough firewood for this winter but come spring you would have to find a way to make more.

You had just finished making breakfast for Ava when the motion detector alarmed you that someone was at the gate. You froze, telling Ava to eat her fruit salad before you made your way downstairs to check out what was happening.

Your heart was pounding against your chest, once you noticed his face.

Joel Miller.

And a…. Teenage girl?

The gate swung open after he put in the code and you allowed yourself fifteen seconds to panic. You knew this day would come. The day after Bill and Frank had gone you had checked the basement, finding that Bill had put on 80’s music, the distress signal.

Even though you had turned it off immediately deep down you knew he would show up at some point.

You just did not think it would be that soon.

You grabbed your gun, checking if it was loaded before you made your way back upstairs. You did not think you would need it, but it was better to be prepared.

“Ava? Remember when Uncle Bill played hide and seek with you and showed you the best place to hide?” you asked, hiding the gun in the back of your jeans as you got to your kitchen. She nodded.

“I want you to hide there until I come and get you,” you said.

“Hide?” she asked. You nodded, kissing her cheek.

“Take Sluggi with you,” you smiled. Sluggi was the stuffed plush slug Bill had gotten for her. She nodded and ran out of the kitchen and upstairs, You heard her door to her room close and took a deep breath, calming yourself.

You knew this day would come. You knew one day you would have to face Joel Miller and you knew you would have to face his reaction.

You never regretted your decision to leave. Life has definitely been better here. That did not mean you had just stopped loving him, no matter how much he had hurt you in the past.

Stepping towards your front door you could see him walk towards Bill and Frank’s house.

You closed your eyes, taking a calming breath before you opened the door and stepped out.

His head snapped towards you once he heard the door opening, eyes widening for a split second before he pulled the girl that was with him behind his back.

He was protecting her.

“What are you doing here? Where are Bill and Frank?” he asked, his voice low.

“They’re dead. Frank got worse and… he couldn’t…” you shook your head, lost of words. He just looked at you before he shook his head, trying to put in words what he wanted.

“I just… We need some…” he took a deep breath, looking up at you, a million emotions playing over his face.

“Are you hungry?” you asked the girl behind him.

“Starving,” she replied and you smiled a little.

“There’s some fruit salad left on the kitchen counter if you want?” you asked. She stepped around Joel and he looked at her.

“It’s safe. There’s… there’s no one there,” you lied. He gave her a nod before she walked past you into your home.

It had been years since you’ve been alone with him. He did not really change. His hair maybe a little grayer, the lines around his mouth a little deeper, but he was still Joel Miller.

“You left,” he said.

“I did.”

“Why?”

You took a deep breath. You looked past him towards the house the girl had walked in, hoping your little girl continued to hide. Knowing her she had was working on her puzzle. She would be okay for a moment.

You knew she was safe. You just needed a little moment alone.

“You can have some fruit salad too. I am going to get some vegetables for dinner,“ you gave him a nod, before you turned around and walked towards your garden, ignoring him as he called after you.

With a basket full of salad, cucumbers and some tomatoes you pushed the door of your house open. Joel was sitting on the stairs, across the door, already looking at you.

The girl walked past the both of you towards the living room, an apple in her hand she was munching on.

„This is so fucking weird,“ she shook her head and you snorted while Joel hissed at her.

„What? It is weird,“ she said, her head turned towards him.

You smiled a little as you looked at her, before you walked towards the kitchen, setting the basket down. You had to go up to check on Ava.

And you had to talk to Joel.

You couldn’t hide her from him, even though you wanted to do nothing more than that.

You took a deep breath when he walked into the kitchen.

„Is it okay if Ellie takes a shower?“ He asked, knowing that there was warm water around town.

„That’s her name. Ellie,“ he clarified.

„Oh. Of course, yeah,“ you nodded and Ellie walked in, snorting as she looked up at Joel.

„You could use one too dude,“ she said and you had to fight hard against the grin as you watched the look on Joel’s face.

You were about to offer her to show her to the bathroom when you heard a door upstairs click open, followed from little footsteps, your eyes widening. Joel frowned, his hand immediately searching for his gun, his arm putting Ellie behind himself.

He raised his gun, taking a step forward as you ran around the counter, the knife you had put out to cut the salad now in your hand.

„Gun down,“ you hissed and his head snapped to you, his eyes widening when he saw the knife in your hand. You stood in front of him.

„I will not repeat myself, put the gun down, right now or I will put this knife in your thigh,“ you fingers flexed around the handle of the knife. The footsteps came closer as you kept eye contact with Joel until he slowly lowered his gun. You nodded at him once you saw him put the gun back to wherever it came from, then looked at Ellie who was looking at you with wide eyes, before you let the knife fall down to the floor just in time as Ava jumped the last step down, rounding the corner.

„Potty?“ She whispered shyly, looking up at you with big eyes and you sighed, before you nodded, the people behind you forgotten as you picked your daughter up. You risked a glance at Joel as you turned towards the stairs, your daughter in your arms.

His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, before you practically ran up the stairs.

„Who is the man mommy?“ Ava asked as she was finished, washing her hands like you taught her, making as many bubbles as possible as she rubbed her hands together.

You sucked your bottom lip in as you watched her, your hand brushing over her soft hair.

„That is an old Friend of mommy,“ you explained, and she nodded.

„And the girl?“ She asked.

„That is a friend of him, I think. I am not sure.“

She finished washing her hands and you handed her the towel, her little face full of concentration as she dried her hands, making you smile.

You got down on your knees in front of her, your hands on her shoulders.

„Do you think she’s gonna play with me?“ She asked, hopeful.

„We can ask her,“ you said with a smile.

You weren’t prepared for the sight in your kitchen when you came downstairs. Joel was standing at the counter, the sleeves of his shirt rolled back as he cut the tomatoes with the knife you had threatened with him not only ten minutes ago.

He didn’t look up as you entered the room, but Ellie did. You looked between them warily.

„I’m Ava,“ your daughter chirped and you took a deep breath, Joel still not looking up. Ellie looked at him with a frown, before she sighed, rolling her eyes, and walked towards you.

„I’m Ellie,“ she said and smiled a little and bend down to her knees. Ava looked first at her, then at you.

„Ellie, do you like sea turtles?“ You asked and the girl looked at you.

„Uh…. I guess?“ She said and you smiled.

„Because Ava loves them. Her whole room is full of them,“ you said and saw interest flicker in her eyes.

„Can I see?“ Ellie asked and you nodded.

„You wanna show Ellie your sea turtles?“ You asked Ava and she nodded eagerly.

„Awesome,“ Ellie said, taking Ava’s hand before you could offer to show them, the girls already walking upstairs towards Ava's room.

Which left you alone in the kitchen with….

„How old is she?“ Joel asked, still not looking at you as you turned to face him. He grabbed the cucumber after he had used the knife to put the tomatoes in the bowl you had prepared for the salad, beginning to slice them.

You took a deep breath.

„She turned three last month,“ you said, watching him nod slowly, the knife hitting the cutting board the only noise in the room.

„She has my eyes,“ he finally said and you sucked your bottom lip in, nervous.

„Yeah she has,“ you agreed and he finally looked up at you, setting the knife down, his hands spread out on the counter, resting his whole weight on them.

„Why didn’t you tell me?“ He asked, his voice quiet.

„I didn’t know how. Joel…. You were barely acknowledging me outside of when you were inside of me. You spend all your time with Tess doing god knows what. How would you have reacted if I told you that I was pregnant? You never even acknowledged what we…“ you stoped yourself, shaking your head.

„You should have told me. I could have…“ he stopped himself, searching for what to say and you looked at him, waiting.

„I could have helped you. I would have….“ He shook his head, his hands shaking.

„I’m gonna need a moment. Can you watch after Ellie?“ He asked and you nodded, confused and he nodded back before he walked past you and out of the house.

You just didn’t think it would be almost two days before he got back. You were outside in Bill’s garden, letting the girls help you pick everything that was ready from the garden when you noticed him walk towards the house.

You knew he was still inside the little locked up town Bill had made his safe haven. None of the alerts had went off, indicating he had left. And yeah you could have searched after him, but what good would it have done?

You’ve known him from almost twenty years, and you knew that he needed time to process certain things.

He hadn’t talked to anyone in almost a year after the outbreak and what happened to Sarah.

„Look what the cat dragged in,“ Ellie said as she spotted him and Ava perked up, her little head turning towards where Ellie was looking.

Joel nodded at the girls before he looked at you.

The sun was already setting and you had dinner prepared inside.

„How about we have some dinner and then Ellie can read you some more of the story you started yesterday?“ You asked and both girl smiled at you. Ava ran past Joel who looked after her as she disappeared into the house, Ellie following her.

„Next time you ditch me, at least tell me?“ She glared at him before she walked back into the house. He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair.

„Can we talk?“ He asked.

„After dinner?“ You said, getting up and grabbing the basked full of fresh vegetables.

„Yeah. Yeah okay,“ he nodded and you walked towards the house, giving him a hesitant smile when he grabbed the basket from you and walked inside after you.

It was two hours later that you found yourself on the left corner of your couch, your legs tucked under you, a glass of wine in your hand.

Because this conversation needed some alcohol.

And not only because of what you were about to talk about, but because of the man who was sitting on the other side of the couch, similar glass of wine in his hand.

Because he looked so damn good.

He had showered while you put the girls to bed after dinner, the whole scene feeling so domestic. Like a dream you had many many times before when you were still dreaming.

Dreaming of a normal future.

Dreaming of a normal life.

Dreaming about how it would feel like if Joel Miller loved you back.

Because no matter how much he may have hurt you in the past, you just could not stop loving him.

„I’m sorry,“ he whispered after a while and you turned your head to look at him, his eyes already on you.

„I’m shit at talking about those things….“ He stopped.

„Those things meaning feelings?“ You helped and he groaned.

„Yeah. Always sucked at it. Even before….“

He sighed.

„Sarah would be so angry with me with how I treated you,“ he whispered and your eyes softened. You could count on one hand how often he had brought Sarah up ever since she died.

And while you thought you could understand him in the past, you loved her like yours after all, now that you had Ava, you realised that loosing her would kill you.

It would be something you could never come back from.

But he did.

„I never cheated on you. I know you thought I did, can’t blame your for it. Tess was just…. Fuck, how do I explain this?“ He sighed, his fingers rubbing over his chin.

„I never deserved you. You’re too fucking good for me. For everyone really. Because even after the whole world went to shit, you still had some kindness left for everyone around you. I know how much you hated what we did in the beginning. And I hated myself for putting you through it. I hated myself for putting you through everything I did to you since the moment Sarah died…“ he said and you could see his eyes watering.

„Can’t blame you for hating me and leaving. And not telling me about….“

„Joel….“ You said, setting your glass down and getting closer towards him, your hand reaching for his. Slowly he turned his hand so you could put yours in it, his fingers wrapping around your hand softly.

„I’m not gonna lie and tell you that it’s okay. Cause I was hurting. You were hurting me. Every time you left in the morning without a word. Every time you passed out drunk and drugged after you came back. It was like living with a ghost and it was killing me. That was the reason I decided to leave when I found out. I could…. I couldn’t bring a child into this. And I knew I wanted her before I even met her. Even though it seems crazy to bring a child into this world. But… She was half you. And the thought that there was even the possibility that you didn’t wanted her….“ You took a deep breath.

„Honestly? I can’t tell you how I would have reacted. I was… I was really fucked up in the weeks before you left. I was taking too many drugs. Drank too much. Got too fucking reckless. But that changed when you left,“ he said and squeezed your hand.

„Not right away. It might have gotten worse first but… I got better. Not perfect, but better. And I… Fuck I even talked through some shit with someone. Made me realise I never even told you how much I love you,“ he said and you were pretty sure you stopped breathing as he looked at you, a small smile tilting his lips up.

„Pretty sure I fell for you the first time you walked through my door wearing that pretty baby blue dress. Even though you were way too young for me. Still are. But…. I hope you knew, know. I really fucking love you,“ he said and you felt a tear running down your cheek.

„Can you tell me about her? About Ava?“ He asked before you could form an answer to his confession. And so instead you told him.

You told him about how you craved strawberries your whole pregnancy. How Bill traded one of his guns for the seeds from Tess.

You told him that she only slept through the night in the beginning, when Bill put her to sleep.

You told her how much she reminded you of Sarah when she smiled at you.

You told her how every time you looked at her you saw him.

Hours went by where you two talked, you ending up leaning against Joel’s side, his arm around you. His fingers brushing over your arm, his other hand still holding yours. His lips brushing over your skin when he told you about how Ellie ended up at in his care.

How he wanted to take her to Wyoming to search for his brother who might know how to find the fireflies.

„Do you know where he is?“ You asked and he shrugged.

„Not exactly. I know he messaged me from the Cody tower, so that’s where we’ll be going,“ he mumbled and you nodded.

„We could take Bill’s truck,“ you said and he stilled. You looked up at him.

„We?“ He asked and you chuckled, sitting yourself up so you were facing him, your hand now on his cheek.

„You really think I’m gonna let you go now?“ You asked with a smile.

And then you finally kissed him.

It was decided that you would leave within the next 5 days, giving you enough time to make a list (You always made lists) of everything you had to pack.

Which was a lot. Getting four people across the country on a trip that hopefully would be just like you remembered road trips to be, took a lot of supplies.

And while you were preoccupied deciding which food was best to take, Joel had asked you if he could spend some time with Ava. He wanted to get to know her. And of course, you agreed. Watching him, Ellie and Ava walk towards the garage where they spend hours doing god knows what.

It was almost dark outside when they walked back in, your heart melting as you watched Joel carry a very sleepy Ava inside who told you all about how seatbelts where very scary, something you would make sure to ask Joel about as you took her upstairs, putting her to bed.

The days went by quickly like that.

Joel quickly became Ava’s favourite person which could have to do with the fact, that she was always allowed to sit on his shoulders. Ellie had been confused, yet delighted at the change in the grumpy man she had left the QZ with.

He even got his Dad jokes out, making the teenager groan in mock annoyance throughout the day. Ellie also spend a lot of time with you, wanting to learn everything you offered to teach her. Starting from making protein bars for the trip down to how to properly braid her hair.

Even though she preferred you doing it.

You got the impression that she never really had anyone how just… listened to her or wanted to spend time with her. She told you she grew up in FEDRA School and that her mother had died while giving birth.

She had no family and her best friend (though you got the impression Riley had been more than just a friend) had died not that long ago.

That the only thing she had left in life was her purpose to save the world. Joel had told you that she was immune, Ellie showing you the healed scars to confirm it.

„You know that that’s not the only thing you have left, right?“ You asked her, sitting on the porch next to her, enjoying one last sunset, watching Joel and Ava play soccer. Her little feet chasing after Joel with happy squeals.

„What do you mean?“ Ellie asked and you looked at her with a smile.

„You have us, Ellie. You think we just gonna let you go?“ You asked and she stubbornly shook her head.

„I have to do this. It’s my purpose. I have to save the world,“ she said and looked away from you.

„Are you saying this because you feel that way, or because someone told you so?“ You asked and she looked at you.

„Because it should be your decision what to do and what not. And… think about it, even if they are somehow able to make a cure out of your blood, do you really think they will be able to make enough to make a vaccine for everyone? Who will decide who gets it? And if they end up deciding on giving it to everyone…. There are so many bad people out there. Do they deserve to be saved too?“ You asked and you could see her thinking about your words and you smiled softly at her.

„Even if you don’t like hearing it, your a kid Ellie. You should grow up and live first before you make a decision like that. You don’t even know how they would get whatever they needed from your blood. If I remember correctly Cordyceps grow in the brain, what if they have to get into your brain to get out whatever they need?“ You said and her eyes widened.

„But Marlene….“ She whispered and you reached over her, taking her hand.

„I don’t know how well you know Marlene, but I’ve known her for more than ten years. I know how she manipulates people to get what she wants. You wouldn’t even notice it,“ you said and she sighed.

„I’m gonna think about it,“ she said finally and you gave her a small smile.

„That’s all I ask about. Now how about you get upstairs and take one last long hot shower before we are on the road for days?“ You asked and she nodded, standing up and turning away from you to walk inside the house before she turned back to you and hugged you quickly.

After saying good night to Ellie later you walked towards your daughters room, her little suitcase for her toys laying open next to her bed, waiting for Sluggi to be put into the next morning. She was already in bed, Joel sitting on the floor next to her, reading to her.

You wished you could take a picture of this. Unfortunately the Polaroid camera had broken earlier this year.

„Mommy!“ A tired Ava smiled as she saw you, her arms raised towards you. Joel looked up and smiled at you as you walked over, climbing into the bed behind your daughter, pulling her into your arms.

„What story is Joel reading you?“ You asked.

„The little mermaid,“ she said and you found Joel’s eyes. You had been thinking about it for the last days now. Telling her who Joel really is. He slipped into your life like the missing piece, the man you had fallen in love with all these years back seemingly falling right back into his role as being the best father there ever could be.

So before you could talk yourself out of it you said

„Your sister loved that one too.“

Joel gulped, his eyes growing sad for a moment, before he looked at Ava.

„I have a sister?“ She asked you, her eyes big.

„Mmmh…. Her name was Sarah. She watched the movie every single night before she went to bed,“ you explained and Ava pursed her lips in an ooooh motion.

„There was a movie?“ She asked in awe.

„Oh yeah there was. And a cassette with the music. Can’t remember how often she made me listen to it“ Joel said and smiled softly.

„Where is Sarah?“ Ava asked and your smile went sad.

„She’s where Uncle Bill and Uncle Frank are. Watching over us,“ you explained and she hummed.

„I wish I could hug her,“ she whispered and you nodded, tears in your eyes, squeezing her against your chest, your hand reaching out Joel’s hand finding yours as you kissed her forehead, looking at him who had tears in his eyes.

„Me too baby. Me too,“ you whispered before taking a deep breath.

„You know Joel is her daddy,“ you finally said and she looked at you.

„He is?“ She asked and you nodded.

„I bet he is the best daddy,“ she sighed and you chuckled at Joel’s cheeks turning pink.

„Yeah he is. What would you say if I tell you that Joel is your daddy too?“ You asked and her big eyes looked at you first and then her head turned towards Joel.

„My daddy?“ She asked and both you and Joel nodded with a smile, her smile getting wider, before she jawned.

„I always wanted a daddy,“ she whispered before her eyes dropped close.

You were walking down the stairs to Bill's basement after you showered, finding Joel checking if he could manage to take any more guns. The supplies had all been packed into the truck already, but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave anything of value behind.

He looked up when he heard your footsteps, giving you a small smile.

Walking over to him you were surprised when he reached for you, pulling you into his lap, one of his arms looped around you, his other hand on your cheek, his fingers brushing over your skin.

„I didn’t know you were gonna tell her,“ he whispered and you smiled.

„She deserves to know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell her sooner. If I would have stayed you wouldn’t have missed so much…“ he stopped you by kissing you softly.

„None of that. We both know I would have fucked this up. I would have said some really fucked up things and hurt you even more. So, there’s nothing you have to be sorry for, okay?“ He looked at you, his eyes pleading.

You released a long breath, bringing both of your arms up to cross behind his neck.

„Have I told you lately that I love you, Joel Miller?“ You whispered with a small smile that he mirrored.

„Don’t think so. But I don’t blame you, I gotta say it a lot more often than you to make up for all the years I didn’t tell you. I do love hearing it though. Love you,“ he mumbled before he kissed you again. His lips moving on top of yours slowly, his hand tilting your head up a little so he could deepen the kiss.

With a little sigh you parted your lips for him, his tongue dipping into your mouth, a deep moan coming from him, his arm pulling you closer against him.

There had been lots of making out in the last days, stolen kisses when the girls weren’t in the room, secret touches under the table while you had dinner.

But you haven’t slept together.

And you were ready.

„Joel,“ you mumbled, parting from his lips. He hummed, his lips running down your jaw.

„We aren’t gonna be alone for a while,“ you whimpered, your head tilting up to give his wandering lips some more space.

„What are you proposing?“ He asked, playfully nibbling on your neck.

„I’m proposing that you fuck me, Miller. Right here,“ you gasped when you felt his other hand slip between your legs.

„Right here?“ He asked, his fingers over the seam of your slick panties.

„Mmmmhh….“ You closed your eyes, biting your lip when he pushed the fabric to the side, his fingers dipping between you slick folds, lazily teasing you.

„All that for me?“ He asked and you opened your eyes, crashing your lips against his.

„It’s been almost four years Joel. Please don’t tease me,“ you whined and his eyes softened before he picked you up and set you down on the table behind him. Within the next minutes you were both naked, your hands in his hair as you kissed him as he stood between your parted legs, the heavy weight of his cock resting against your stomach.

„Gonna need to prepare you,“ he hummed, his hands on your ass. You shook your head.

„Please just fuck me. You know I can take it,“ you whined, one of your hands wrapping around his cock, making him hiss. He groaned, sucking your bottom lip between his before he slapped your hand away, his dark eyes fixed on yours as he held his hand out to you. Waiting.

Feeling your whole body heat up you spit in his hand and the left corner of his mouth twitched.

„My good girl,“ he praised you and you couldn’t stop whimpering.

He brought his hand down to wrap it around his cock, coating it in your saliva, before he lined himself up. You had dripped on the table you were sitting on, more than ready to take him.

„I love you,“ he whispered and you looked at him with a soft smile, your lips parting when he slowly pushed his cock into you. Filling you inch by inch, both of you starring into each others eyes.

„Missed this,“ you moaned.

„Missed you,“ you crossed your legs behind him, giving him a little push, his cock finally filing you up completely.

„Fucking Perfect,“ he groaned kissing you again before he began to move, pumping into you slowly.

You let yourself fall back down against the table, stretching your arms over your head, your back arching, your tits moving every time Joel fucked into you.

He licked his fingers, bringing it down between your legs, his thrusts getting harder as he rubbed your clit, your pussy clenching around him.

„Yes… Baby… Just like that….“ You moaned, your hands coming down to play with your tits.

„You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?“ He asked, moving faster, his skin slapping against yours every time he moved.

Nodding, you moaned, your eyes rolling back as you came, your whole body shaking as he fucked you through it.

„Shit….“ He groaned, both of his hands now coming to rest on either side of you as he leaned down, fucking into you deeply, chasing his own orgasm.

„Want you to cum again,“ he grunted, kissing you, drilling his cock into you, the whole table moving over the floor.

„Want you to cum inside me. Let me feel you,“ you whimpered, your hands in his hair, trying to meet his thrusts.

„Fuck that is…. Not a good idea….“ He laughed and you grinned.

„I don’t care. Wanna feel you. Cum for me, Joel. Cum inside me,“ you whispered and he groaned, fucking into you a half dozen times more before you felt him twitch inside of you, filling you, making you cum for a second time.

Both out of breath you looked at each other before Joel leant down and kissed you.

„Sleep in bed with me?“ You hummed against his lips.

„As long as you let me,“ he answered against your lips before you both sneaked upstairs.

Against all odds after six days of a rather boring trip across the country you reached the radio tower in Cody. And two days later a group patrol of people on horses found you, asking you all kinds of questions before a man pulled the bandana that had been covering his face down, revealing Tommy Miller in the flesh.

By now you were living in Jackson for almost a year.

Ellie had decided to stay and live her life, the constant threat of someone looking for her still on the horizon, but it was decided that the town was not in immediate danger. Patrols kept an eye out for fireflies, but they haven’t spotted anyone.

You were living a happy life all things considered.

Ava went to pre school, Ellie went to normal school. They really became sisters in the last year, spending a lot of time together.

Even though Ellie started to spend more and more time with a girl called Dina you suspected was more than just a friend.

Joel was always working on improving the house.

He had changed the most, back to the man he had been before the outbreak. Yes, he still was the protector when he needed to be, but most of the time he was just Joel. Your husband.

„Yellow?“ He asked, holding the can of paint up.

You walked over to him with a smile, nodding.

„It’s a happy colour. I like happy colours,“ you shrugged and he chuckled, setting the can down on the floor before he put his arms around you, pulling you against his chest.

One of his hands came to rest on your growing belly, the baby inside kicking up a storm as if it could sense their dads hand, making you both smile.

„Still think it’s gonna be a girl?“ You asked and he nodded, before he kissed you softly.

„Think I’m meant to be surrounded by beautiful girls,“ he hummed before he kissed you again.

#my fic #Joel Miller #Joel Miller x fem. reader #Pedro Pascal #Joel Miller fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction

2K notes · View notes

sixhours · 10 months ago

Text

One Day at a Time

Joel becomes a dad. Again.

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut. Word count: 25k Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Joel Miller x f!OFC, Joel & Ellie, soft!Joel, no really super soft!Joel, Joel is bad at feelings and relationships, Joel is a sap, mostly follows canon, SMUT, gratuitous smut, dubious consent (drunk sex), unplanned pregnancy, fluff, references to past miscarriages, angst, hurt/comfort, romance, age gap (~21 years), childbirth, fluffy baby stuff, I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

Notes: It’s a pregnancy/baby fic. Knocked Up, but make it **post-apocalypse**. Joel Miller’s sperm should be registered as a weapon of mass creation. I really just needed to imagine Pedro Pascal holding a baby. Sorry/not sorry.

Chapter 1: Conception

Chapter 2: Implantation

Chapter 3: Embryo

Chapter 4: Gestation

Chapter 5: Labor

Chapter 6: Transition

Chapter 7: Birth

Chapter 8: Beginning

One-shots

Postpartum

Firsts - Bath

Firsts - Laugh

Firsts - Crawl

Firsts - Colic

#the last of us #fanfic #fic recs #babyfic #fluff #pregnancy #angst

518 notes · View notes

thriftedtchotchkes · 1 year ago

Text

switching the positions

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: a collection of micro-fics chronicling the days of a very eventful week in the lives of you and joel miller (inspired by ariana grande's positions)

warnings: 18+ MDNI, pre-outbreak, established relationship, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, unprotected piv, rough sex, oral (f&m receiving), 69ing, mutual/guided masturbation, edging, mild exhibitionism, consensual somnophilia, squirting, rimming, unplanned pregnancy, pregnancy kink, pregnant sex, panic attacks, mentions of parents, mentions of food

word count: 16.2k

moodboard by my sweet girl @cavillscurls ♡

a/n: whew, my pride and joy, a whole two months in the making. tysm to everyone who voted on the poll, and especially to @dinsdjrn for helping me tie this whole thing together and mya for listening to me yell about this for weeks. as always, thoughts and feedback are always appreciated!

SUNDAY

"Boy, I'm tryna meet your mama on a Sunday."

“She’s gonna hate me.”

“She’s not gonna hate you.”

Oh, you know this woman is going to hate you. It’s not that parents don’t like you. On the contrary, you actually get along great with people’s parents. Your friends’, your old roommate’s, your coworkers'—hell, even your own. It’s just that moms, specifically, can smell fear, and Joel’s mom is going to smell the terror wafting off of you from a mile away.

Not that it’s personal or anything. You’re pretty sure she’d hate anyone dating her baby boy. It’s like, a boy-mom thing. Still doesn’t make you feel any better about your boyfriend’s mom potentially hating you.

“Whose idea was this dinner again?” Because if it was Joel’s, then he can still reschedule or fake an illness or, better yet, call the whole thing off.

“Baby, you know it was hers,” he replies from his spot at the edge of the bed, where he’s been watching you pace the room and throw half the closet on the floor for the past hour. You shoot him an exasperated look.

“But did you have to say yes? Isn’t it kind of early for me to be meeting your mom anyway?”

He looks at you like you have ten heads, but you ignore him, debating two shirts in the mirror, then deciding they’re both terrible and adding them to the pile on the floor.

“It’s been a year and a half. If we wait any longer, she’ll be meetin’ you at the weddin’,” he sighs, running his hands frustratedly down his face. You pause your closet tornado to stare at him, wide-eyed, and he rolls his eyes. “I’m just sayin’, I think it’d be good for y’all to meet, is all.”

Good for who? Certainly not you. Honestly, this dinner could have serious repercussions for your relationship. It’s entirely possible she could convince him to break up with you after the night’s over. Or that you’re a bad role model and shouldn’t be allowed around Sarah anymore. Your stomach lurches violently at the thought. Then, it hits you—

“Okay, yeah, that’s fair enough—but have we thought about who’s gonna watch Sarah tonight? We can’t just leave her by herself, and I’m sure your mom would totally understand that,” you try to reason but, again, Joel’s not going for it.

“She’s 14 years old, I think she can handle a couple hours alone,” he deadpans. “Baby, c’mon, it’s not gonna be that bad. Please? Is it really too much to ask for the woman I love to meet my momma?”

You soften at that. Logically, you know he’s right and it’s not fair for you to keep giving him such a hard time. You’re also pre-judging someone really special to him, and now you feel like the shittiest girlfriend in the world.

“You’re right. I know you’re right—I’m sorry,” you sigh, wrapping your arms around yourself. You’re not sure why you’re feeling so insecure about all this. “I just want her to like me, you know?”

He nods, lips quirking into a small smile, and pats his lap. You fall into his arms and he rocks you for a moment, kissing your hair, then your cheek. The anxiety’s starting to subside and you’re grateful for him, your sweet boyfriend who never asks you for anything. Your eyes meet his, and he leans in to kiss you softly, deeply, then pulls away just enough to rest his forehead against yours.

“I know ya do,” he murmurs, rubbing soothing circles into your thigh. “And she will, alright? Just give her a chance like she’s givin’ you one.”

So, for Joel, you do. Turns out his mom is lovely and wonderful, just like her son, and now you have a lot to make up for.

MONDAY

"Then make a lotta love on a Monday."

It’s early and yet, somehow, you’re already awake and feeling like it’s going to be a good day. There’s no alarm clocks blaring, no feet stomping up and down the stairs. Just sweet, blissful sunlight, and it feels so good this morning. Warm and wet and, god, right there—please, keep going right there.

You reach out to feel its light against your hands and between your fingers, and it hums, sending sweet vibrations up your arms, all the way down to your thighs. Heat starts to bloom in your belly as the sun rises higher, burning hotter and hotter, and your fingers tense, tugging at its soft rays.

Everything feels so much wetter now, and there’s no way you’re not sweating right through your shirt and into the sheets. Even your underwear is soaked, your cunt pleasurably slick and dripping as you pant softly into your pillow.

Then, all of it suddenly intensifies and you’re enveloped by a wet, dextrous warmth that circles and circles, dipping into you, fucking into you, and suddenly, you’re so, so close—

And then you’re cumming with a loud sob, hips bucking with every spasm until something broad and strong splays across your stomach and pushes you back down into the sheets.

It's…you realize it’s Joel. Balmy and beautiful like the morning sun. He groans as you gush into his mouth, lapping up everything you give him, and you’re vaguely aware of the bed shifting under you as he grinds his hips into the mattress for relief.

“…B-baby? What—what’s going on…,” you slur sleepily, hands tugging harder at his hair as he continues to suckle your clit through the aftershocks. You whine at the oversensitivity, and he pulls off to press one last kiss to your heat before throwing the sheets off behind his head.

His eyes meet yours and, fuck, he looks wrecked. His hair is in complete disarray and his eyes are a little wild…and then there’s the giant tent in his boxers and that delicious wet spot that makes your mouth water. He doesn’t respond—just crawls up your body to crash his lips against yours, licking into your mouth, and all you can taste is yourself when his tongue brushes against yours.

You moan into his mouth as he grinds into your sensitive core, then parts from your lips just long enough to pull your sweat-soaked shirt up and over your head. The cool morning air feels like heaven against your feverish skin and, with the sheets gone, you can feel a cool breeze coming through the open window, amplified by the oscillating fan next to the bed.

Christ, he must be so pent up by now. Your brain is finally starting to clear from its post-sleep fog, and now you’re wondering how long he’s been between your legs, eating you out like you’re the heartiest breakfast he’s ever had in his life.

But that train of thought is quickly derailed when his lips find a new home around your nipple, sucking it into his mouth and circling his tongue around the nub until it hardens. The delicate skin feels especially tender, and you whimper quietly as the roughness of his beard scrapes against you. Your fingers thread back into his hair and you tug, urging him back up so you can feel his mouth on yours again.

“Joel, fuck me,” you murmur against his lips, and his breath hitches. “Wanna feel you—please.”

The sensitivity must’ve already subsided because your hips are steadily meeting his and you’re feeling so desperate to have him inside you. His cock feels heavy as he rubs himself against your slick cunt and, while the fabric provides the most incredible friction when it grazes your clit, you want him bare immediately.

“Now…ngh—now,” you whine, and you’re stunned he still has the patience to tease when he pulls away slightly to smirk down at you.

“Needy girl this morning, ain’t ya?” His voice is thick with sleep and so much desire, and it makes your still locked-down pussy clench painfully. “S’alright, baby, ‘m gonna give it to ya.”

Wrenching his boxers down, he grips under your legs to push both of your knees to your chest before nudging the blunt head of his cock against your entrance. He inches in just the tip and immediately lets out a whoosh of air.

“So fuckin’ tight, Jesus Christ,” he grits through his teeth, working himself in and out of you until he’s buried to the hilt, the coarse hair at the base of his cock brushing against you just right. He lingers for a brief moment, grinding into you deeply, languidly while you adjust to his girth.

"S'good. Feels good," you murmur, sighing contently. He's brushing that spot he can only reach when he fucks you like this, so you lock your ankles behind his back, silently telling him to stay. But it feels a little selfish, and you can feel how much he's holding back.

"Baby...I gotta move," he pants, trembling with the effort it's taking not to lengthen his thrusts. Pulling out slowly, he presses back into you deep enough to nudge that spot again, and your vision goes hazy. "Promise, I'll take care of ya—"

You moan in unison as you flutter around him, and he takes that as the go-ahead to continue, his cock reappearing wetter and shinier after every stroke. His skin is glistening, too, slick with sweat that runs down his temples and pools where your bodies connect.

The heat of him is addictive and it's everywhere—blooming in your chest, blazing between your legs, and igniting something fathomless inside you. But somehow, it's still not hot enough. You know he can give you more, your blindingly beautiful sun.

Wrapping your arms loosely around his shoulders, you squeeze your thighs into his sides to pull him flush against your body, and you can feel his heartbeat pounding through his chest. The steady rhythm matches his thrusts perfectly, but he's groaning so sweetly in your ear that you have a feeling it won't for long.

You belatedly realize how hard you're clenching around him, suddenly so close to tumbling over the edge for the second time this morning, and he redoubles his efforts to follow you.

"L-like that, keep going just like that," you encourage between sharp exhales. "That—that's it."

He braces a hand next to your head on the pillow to stabilize himself, and you wrap your fingers around his wrist, grounding yourself to him. His eyes meet yours fondly before he buries his face into the crook of your neck to do the same, panting heavily against your skin.

Soft, brown curls tickle your cheek, and you turn your head to nose into his hair, breathing him in. He smells earthy like freshly-mown grass and sawdust, and it fills your lungs, surrounding you just when you need it the most.

You gasp in his air, hips swiveling into his desperately as you chase your release. He's slamming directly into that spot now, pushing your knees back into your chest to reach even deeper, but his thighs are starting to tense.

"'m not gonna last long," he admits breathily, all but folding you in half so he can brush his lips against yours. "S'too good...gonna make me cum so hard."

"Please...please, please." Fuck, you want to feel it. To feel him pulsing inside you, filling you up so good, so much. "Joel, cum—please cum."

So close, you're so close. Your soft sighs have evolved into something louder and higher-pitched. Too loud for this early in the morning, and enough to wake up the entire house if you're not careful.

Joel seals his mouth over yours, swallowing every noise that escapes your lips as he pounds into you with purpose, dragging against your walls, and it's...fuck, you're—

Gushing, sobbing as you cum, and he groans, long and drawn out, immediately following you over the edge. Releasing your legs, he digs his fingers into your hips to hold you in place, keeping his cock buried deep inside you as you milk him dry.

"Fuck me," he exhales shakily, pumping into you twice before pulling out and collapsing on top of you. "Good fuckin' morning."

A breathy laugh bubbles out of your chest, but you immediately cringe at the feeling of his cum leaking out of you and onto the sheets. You wedge a hand between your bodies, reaching down to swipe your thumb between your folds and procure a glob that you suck wetly into your mouth.

"Very good fuckin' morning," you smile cheekily at the look of awe on his face. He shakes his head, chuckling as he wraps you up in his arms and rolls you over onto your sides. His chest expands into you with a massive yawn, and you're helpless but to mirror him.

"How much time we got until the alarm?" he mutters sleepily, sounding like he could pass out at any moment. You're craning your head back to check when—

The damn thing starts blaring before you can even catch a glimpse of the time. Not that you need to now—it's 6 a.m., your mortal enemy. You glare at the clock like it personally offended you, and Joel only chuckles, pulling you back down with him.

"Snooze it," he murmurs, mouthing damply at your neck, his hands exploring your soft, bare skin. "We still got time."

You barely hear him, already lost in the feeling of his fingers skimming up your sides, thumbs brushing the underside of your breasts. He leans over you to hit the button himself before returning to you, kissing you like you've both got all the time in the world.

Neither of you makes it to work on time.

TUESDAY

"Cookin' in the kitchen, and I'm in the bedroom."

The oven is broken. Probably. The stove, too. It’s really not your fault—all you did was turn some knobs and stand there, but for some reason, none of the burners are catching and the oven sure isn’t cooking this chicken like it’s supposed to.

You don't even like chicken but, for some ungodly reason, you've had a wicked craving for it lately. And Joel loves it, so. That explains why you’re in the kitchen, getting side-eyed by a very skeptical 14 year old, trying to cook a nice dinner for her very overworked father. It’s not going well.

“Did you hear it click when you tried turning it on?” Sarah asks patiently, and now it’s your turn to look skeptical.

“Uhh, the knob or the stove?” You eye the appliance dubiously like it’s doing whatever it’s doing on purpose. She laughs pointing to one of the burners.

“So, when you twist the knob, gas comes out of here,” she taps the grating around the burner, “and the clicking creates a spark that ignites the gas so it lights. Then, voila, you’ve got a working stove.”

“Oh,” you reply dumbly, looking back and forth between her and the stove until she finally gets the hint.

“Fine, fine. I can do it,” she rolls her eyes good-naturedly. And of course, the stupid thing works with zero issues when she does it. You give her a grateful smile before throwing the dirtiest glare you can muster at the oven.

“What do we do about that one? I guess I could try cooking the whole chicken in a big pan, but I can’t guarantee we won’t all die from food poisoning…,” you trail off, starting to feel a little useless.

It’s not like you’re completely inept in the kitchen. You can use a toaster or a microwave like a damn pro, and even the blender if you’re feeling especially adventurous, but you’ve never made a big meal like this before. Sarah likes to cook when you’re not ordering out, which admittedly is most of the time, so this was supposed to be something special for her, too.

“It’s the same general concept,” she says, still kind and patient as ever, squatting down to show you a different set of knobs. You observe her for a moment, missing the start of her explanation, because it’s times like these where you can see so much of Joel in her.

It’s that spark in her eyes when she gets to share bits of her well-earned knowledge. To use her expertise to teach someone something brand new. Joel gets the same look when he’s trying to teach you guitar. His eyes shine when you finally get a chord down, and he downright beams when you can finish an entire bar by yourself.

You must’ve zoned out for too long because she’s suddenly waving a hand in front of your face, smiling her dad’s sweet smile as she waits for your focus to return to the task at hand.

“Shit, I’m sorry. What did I miss?” you ask sheepishly. She nods to the oven, already lit and heating up to the required 400 degrees Fahrenheit for cooking baked chicken.

“All good! It’s set for whenever you’ve got the food prepped. You just have to wait for it to hit temperature—it’ll beep when it’s ready,” she says, walking around the kitchen island to grab her backpack.

…Wait. She’s leaving?

“Woah, wait, where are you going? You can’t leave yet,” you plead, still desperate for her help. “What if I burn the house down?”

“You’re not gonna burn down the house,” she snorts, already at the door tugging on her sneakers. “Just remember to turn off the burners and you’ll be fine. And save me some food!… Unless everyone gets sick, then maybe don’t.”

You shoot her a look of absolute betrayal, and she laughs, opening the front door and waving over her shoulder.

“See ya later! Good luck, I believe in you!”

And then she’s gone, and you’re left alone with your misery and a bunch of random ingredients you still have to magically make into a meal.

You slump against the counter, lamenting the loss of your sous chef until the oven beeps, scaring the shit out of you. Oh, great. You’ve barely even started seasoning the chicken. It can’t be that hard, right?

Twenty minutes later, you’re standing in front of a very peppery-looking raw chicken—which is officially disgusting again, you changed your mind—wishing you had just ordered Boston Market and lied about making it yourself. Lesson learned for next time. Like there’ll be a next time.

Well, at least no one can say you didn’t try. You throw a bunch of mixed vegetables into the bottom of the pan like the recipe says and pop it in the oven, setting the timer for 40 minutes and hoping for the best.

Glancing at the clock above the sink, you realize you’re cutting it close on time. You told Joel to be home by eight, which means he’ll probably actually get here at nine, and it’s already 7:30. Yikes. Time flies when you’re trying not to fuck up a dinner that was doomed from the start.

The last piece of the puzzle is thankfully the easiest. Now, mashed potatoes are definitely something you can make. Boiling water? Piece of cake. Pouring in the instant flakes from the box and adding butter? Done and done.

There’s no way anyone’ll be able to tell you didn’t make them from scratch unless they check the trash and, anyways, the instant stuff is better. You’ll go down with that ship.

Now for the pièce de résistance: the perfect evening attire. A cute, 50s-era apron you thrifted two weeks ago that’ll go over the teeny, tiny Victoria’s Secret lingerie set you’ve been hiding in the back of the closet.

Joel will probably think it’s hilarious, once he stops drooling. Hopefully you’ll even make it to dinner, otherwise, the stress of this entire afternoon was a totally moot point. But he’ll have to be a good boy and finish his food before he can have dessert—apple pie you definitely didn’t make, and you laid out on his bed like the best fucking treat he’ll ever taste.

You end up with enough time to take the chicken and veggies out of the oven—the meat thermometer tells you it’s cooked through and that’s good enough for you—and stir up the mashed potatoes before you have to head upstairs to get everything else ready. So far, surprisingly, so good.

You’re in the middle of patting yourself on the back for a job well-done, with time to spare, when you hear the front door open. At eight fucking thirty. This would be the one day Joel gets home early and, by the sounds of dishware and cutlery clinking around downstairs, he’s already discovered your big surprise.

“Baby, you up there?” he calls up the stairs. “What’s all this?”

Well. Guess it’s showtime. You finish tying the apron around your waist before giving yourself one last once over in the mirror. Everything fits perfectly, just like you knew it would, and the food’s done, for better or worse. So there’s no need to be nervous, right? It’s just Joel. Your Joel. He’d love it no matter what, even if it all ends up being total shit.

Taking a steadying breath, you head down the stairs, letting your appearance serve as his answer. The apron rubs scratchily against your skin, a reminder of how naked you actually are underneath, and you let your confidence in Joel’s inevitably wanton reaction make you brave.

And he doesn’t disappoint. His eyes rove over you greedily, from the pout of your lips to the tiniest slip of your nipple peeking over your bra, all the way down to the soft, bare skin of your legs. Yeah, no need to be nervous at all.

“Just a little surprise I cooked up,” you smirk a little deviously as you reach the bottom of the stairs. He’s on you in a second, hands exploring your body eagerly, impatiently, as he leans in to kiss you, but he’s halted by a finger to his lips. “Uh-uh. Can’t have dessert yet. There’s a whole meal waiting for you—I made your favorite.”

He chuckles, gingerly pressing a kiss to your finger instead before leading you backward into the kitchen.

“Well, let’s get started then. I’m starvin’,” he says, looking hungrier than you’ve ever seen him. You return his gaze, suddenly feeling ravenous yourself.

“Good. It’s dinner time.”

WEDNESDAY

"Wrist icicle, ride dick bicycle."

Spin class sucks.

There’s really no need for the music to be this loud. And it’s bad. They say it’s supposed to amp you up for rigorous exercise, but it’s just giving you a headache.

It’s also about a thousand degrees in here, and you’d be leaving a massive pool of sweat on this seat if you were even allowed to sit on it. The whole concept of spinning makes no sense, and you’re starting to think it’s actually just a dance class on stationary bikes because no one in their right mind would ever ride a bicycle like this.

It’s embarrassing, for starters, and you’re surrounded by hot people that are way better at it than you are. You didn’t even know you could gyrate on a fucking bike until today, and they all somehow make it look sexy. Like they’re legitimately having a great time. Having fun.

But not you. The music might honestly be doing you a favor by drowning out your pathetic attempts to breathe. You’re starting to get a little lightheaded and feel like you’re about to be sick.

No workout is worth this. You can’t even pretend to follow the instructor’s directions, because you can barely hear her over the speakers. She probably can't even hear herself, yelling into the void of shitty EDM remixes, and expecting everyone to pick it up. If you’d known this was just some fucked up version of leg day, you would’ve skipped it.

There's no sneaking out early, either. You took the bus and Joel won’t be here to pick you up for at least another half hour. Honestly, you'd rather walk home and let that be your exercise for the day, but unless you plan on jogging along the highway, you're shit out of luck.

The beat abruptly picks back up, startling you out of your personal pity party, and then everyone's asses are in the air again, hips swiveling so perfectly in sync that it has to be choreographed. You're getting the hang of it now that you're realizing the routine just repeats itself, but it still feels mildly exploitative.

It doesn't help that your class is starting to draw in a crowd, likely attracted by all of the revealing athletic wear on display. At least you got that memo. Whoever had the bright idea to put a huge glass wall at the back of the room was either a genius or a pervert. Probably both, depending on who you ask.

Once the hardest section of the choreography passes, you look behind you to check the time, praying more than you think has passed, but you're sorely disappointed. And the crowd outside's only gotten bigger.

Don't these assholes have anything better to do than stand there drooling over a spin class? You continue to glare at them over your shoulder through the next part of the song, looking a little ridiculous grinding into your seat as you silently tell them all off.

Out of the corner of your eye, you catch one of them off to the side laughing, but when you turn to send an even harsher look in their direction, you realize you recognize him.

What a dick. If you'd known he was going to be this early, you definitely would've snuck out and waited outside instead of becoming another piece of eye candy for a bunch of gym rats.

Joel looks a little too pleased with himself, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed like he’s enjoying the view as much as the rest of those creeps. Well, if he wants a show, then you’ll give him one. Now that you’ve gotten the movements down, you can put all of your energy into making him wish there wasn’t an entire glass wall separating him from you.

That one, grueling section of the song loops back around, and this time you put your all into it, arching like you’re supposed to, swiveling your hips into the seat with all of the muscle control you’ve got. Your shorts ride up your ass at the change in movement, probably giving you a wicked camel toe, but you let them. You can only imagine the look on Joel’s face now.

The song starts to wind down, finally coming to a stop, and you lower yourself back onto the seat, panting with the exertion of the past 45 minutes. Turning back around, you notice the crowd has mostly dispersed, save for a few stragglers and Joel, who’s panting almost as hard as you are.

Your eyes drop to his pants, and you quirk an eyebrow. His breathing’s not the only thing that’s hard. He looks a little wrecked and, suddenly, this whole workout thing feels like it might’ve been worth it after all.

You hop off the bike and retrieve your duffel from the back of the room, teasingly flicking the glass in front of his face before exiting with the rest of the class.

"Ready to go?" you ask brightly, still feeling high off the endorphin rush. He doesn't respond, looking a little dazed as he watches a droplet of sweat run down your neck, past your collarbone, and right between your breasts. "You doing alright there, bud?"

You laugh, enjoying your revenge a little too much, reveling in the way his jaw tenses and the muscles in his neck twitch angrily. It’s about to be a very interesting ride home—or it would’ve been if you’d made it that far.

On the way out, you pass an out-of-order men’s room, and he yanks you inside, locking the door behind you.

It's a little surprising he's this pent up after the night you had, especially with the sheer amount of sex you’ve been having lately—not that you're complaining. But what's even more surprising is that he's choosing right now to rectify it, basically in public where anyone could overhear or walk in on you. It's...really out of character for him. You thought he'd at least make it to the car.

“Joel, what the—,” you yelp as he lifts you up by the waist to settle you on the edge of a sink. It's clear his patience has completely run out because, within seconds, he's dropping to his knees, burying his face in your heat. "—fuck."

Your legs immediately try to close around his head, but he forces them back open with enough strength to overextend your already abused hamstrings. It shouldn't feel as good as it does, but the pain, combined with his blunt nails biting into your thighs, sends delicious jolts right to your core.

You exhale shakily, burying your fingers in his hair as he sucks a damp patch into your shorts, just slightly lower than where you need him. Your hips buck, urging him higher, but he doesn't allow that either, shoving them back down onto the hard porcelain beneath you.

Should've known it wouldn't be that easy. He's handling you aggressively, rougher than you would've expected, and that's when you realize he's mad.

"Bet ya thought that was real funny, teasin' me like that," he growls into your clothed pussy, licking up the seam to swirl wet circles where your clit throbs under too many layers. "Don't feel very nice, does it?"

His eyes meet yours as he sucks a little harder, and you whimper, tugging at his hair in a silent plea for him to take your shorts off and eat you out the way you both want him to. But he's going to drag this out and you know it.

Joel loves a little payback and has the patience of a saint unless he's pushed past his limit. To your detriment, you shoved him over that line with the stunt you pulled earlier, so now you'll have to convince him it's in his best interest to let it go.

Switching tactics, you tempt him with what he could have if he just gave in. Your fingers dip beneath your waistband, and you sigh as you slick them up against your folds before dipping them inside. You're already soaked, and so tight, even around two of your own fingers, and you tell him as much.

"No, it doesn't feel nice...but I know something that will," you pump your fingers in and out of yourself, the muted sound of wet squelching reaching your ears. "Hear that?—," you gasp, hips lifting off the sink as you accidentally graze something spongey and sensitive, "—t-that's all for you."

And it works like a charm. Your shorts and underwear are pulled off in a single, hard tug, his tongue fucking into you before you can even fully inhale, and you choke out a strangled moan instead. He eats you out like a man starved, his nose nudging your clit with every dip of his tongue, and it feels so potent, you practically see stars.

Your combined slick and his saliva are starting to leak over the edge of the sink but he catches every drop, and the way he slurps you up makes your cheeks burn. Joel's a lot of things when he's between your legs—enthusiastic, generous, and a little sloppy, but he's never wasteful.

Two thick fingers prod at your entrance, and then he's pressing them into you, the slide snug, but easy with how wet you are for him. Finally, finally, you can feel your orgasm building, and you're sent reeling when his tongue fucks into you between his fingers, filling you up—it's...yes, right there—

But he abruptly pulls his mouth away, still not done making you pay.

"Damn right, it's all for me. Ya think those jackasses watching you weren't thinkin' about this?" he growls, his fingers slowing to leisurely stroke your walls as if they weren't about to throw you over the edge a moment ago. "Think they could make you feel this good? Make you cum like I do?"

Your pussy flutters pathetically around him, and the false look of sympathy he gives you makes you want to cry out of sheer frustration.

"Gonna need an answer if you want me to keep goin'," he drawls, still close enough that you can feel his breath, hot against your cunt.

You bite down on your bottom lip, just hard enough to momentarily distract yourself from the aching between your legs so you can respond, but you're taking too long. His fingers have all but stopped, so you panic.

"Fuck those assholes. Fuck all of them," you grit through your teeth. He quirks an eyebrow, marginally picking up the pace of his fingers.

"Fuck 'em, huh? That what you wanna do?" He's teasing you, and even though it's obvious, you fall right into his trap, anyway. Blanching, you shake your head furiously.

"N-no—no, no, no. Just you, only wanna fuck you," you gasp, frantically trying to convince him of something you both already know to be true without a shadow of a doubt. It's honestly impressive that he can work you like this and, even more so, that he's the only one that can.

"S'okay, I know...I know. This right here—," he gives your clit a few kitten licks, the pads of his fingertips rubbing that perfect spot inside you, "—s'mine."

Then, he's burying his face back between your legs, redoubling his efforts, and it's so fucking sloppy. Wet and hot, and hungry, as if edging you has the same effect on him.

You feel him groan into you as you start to tighten around his fingers, loud enough that his chest rumbles with it, sending sweet vibrations up your thighs. The sound of his belt jingling, then hitting the floor vaguely makes it past the blood rushing in your ears, but his broad shoulders and head bobbing between your legs are blocking your view.

All you can see or hear is the frantic movement of his arm, his hand working up and down his cock, and the sound of skin slapping on skin. Fuck, that's—so hot, you're so close. So fucking close—

But he's got one last edge left in him.

You're throbbing so violently that for a second you're terrified he ruined your orgasm, but no, you're still teetering on the cusp, thighs quaking so hard, you can’t believe you haven’t crushed his head between them already. At this point, the smallest touch, even the tiniest puff of air would send you hurtling over.

He's still jerking himself off, sounding delirious as he separates his mouth from you to speak.

"Need to hear ya s-say it...," he pants, and you cry out, angrily reaching down to roughly shove his face back into you, but he resists. Spurred on by your reaction, he only fucks into his fist faster. “Nobody else gets to taste ya like I do…do they? Say it. Say it and I'll…ngh—let you cum,” he moans lowly, possessively.

Joel sounds completely gone. You never could've imagined dry humping a fucking stationary bike would set him off like this, or that a bunch of dumb muscleheads would make him this jealous. He's so lost in it, in you.

But the way he's looking up at you right now—it's like he really does need you to do this for him. To tell him that it’s just him, and it’ll only ever be him. It’s the truth. No one else has ever made you feel the way he does, with his mouth and hands, or his heart, and they never will again.

You whine, shaking your head pleadingly, ready to tell him whatever he wants to hear. Anything for him to put his mouth back on you again.

"T-they don't—no one else gets to, but you...only you," you keen as he seals his lips around your clit, all of his fears and insecurities finally soothed. Your head tips back, the feeling of his hot tongue laving over the sensitive bundle of nerves and his thick fingers—three of them, now—dragging against your walls exactly what you need.

You cum frighteningly quickly, your orgasm so powerful and overwhelming that you start to black out. Your eyes squeeze shut, and then it’s all just pleasure—the tension in all of your limbs slowly bleeds out with every spasm of your cunt, and something wet…so wet, splashes against your inner thighs.

Joel groans louder than you think you’ve ever heard him, the sound practically punched out of his chest as he licks broader lines up your pussy, sucking and slurping, and what…what is that? Why the fuck are you so wet? He—did Joel cum on you, and you didn’t even notice?

But that’s impossible because now his body’s completely seizing up, the hand around his cock stilling as he spurts thick ropes of cum across the bathroom floor. Or at least that’s the image your brain conjures up, unable to see it for yourself.

Your vision’s only just beginning to return to you, and you immediately look down to see what actually happened...and fuck. It was you. Joel’s head is resting on your thigh, nuzzling into your soft, very damp skin, and he's looking up at you in awe.

“Shit, baby…,” he pants, chest heaving, cock still twitching in his hand. "Ain't ever seen you do that before."

You blink blearily, lips parting as you take him in. He's a goddamn mess. His face and beard are soaked, and his shirt is splattered with what you can only assume is your release. You fucking squirted? In a dirty gym bathroom?

"What the fuck?" you mumble, still dazed and a little in disbelief at how your first, and probably last, trip to the gym went. You shake your head, clearing up the brain fog enough to quickly process the past two hours, and now you're in shock. "Joel, what the fuck?" you ask again incredulously.

He has the nerve to look sheepish where he's still happily nestled between your legs post-orgasm, and you bop the top of his head with your palm, eyeing him expectantly.

"Wanna explain what all of that was?"

"Look—," he starts, lips quirking down into that little frown you know so well. "If you'd've heard the shit those fuckers were sayin' about ya. Probably would've said worse if I hadn't told 'em to fuck off before they got into some real trouble."

"Wait, you were the reason they all took off? Joel," you laugh because suddenly it all makes sense.

You just learned the hard way that a grumpy, jealous Joel means getting edged until you black out. Pretty good knowledge to have for future reference, to be honest. Now that you're not sobbing with his head between your legs, it all seems so silly.

"What, did ya expect me to just stand there and let 'em talk about fuckin' my girl right in front of me?"

"I mean, no, but...I dunno, maybe just take the compliment next time and don't threaten a group of scary, muscular men," you chuckle fondly, cupping his wet cheeks in your hands. "Okay? It basically just means you have a hot girlfriend. Congratulations!"

But he only grumbles in response, still pouting like a child. You bend down to press a soft kiss to his forehead, and he sighs, some of the tension bleeding out of his shoulders.

"What if, when we get home, I show you some of the techniques I learned in my class?" you murmur into his hair. He tilts his head back, eyeing you skeptically.

"Baby, we don't have a stationary bike," he says, brows furrowed in confusion. You suck your bottom lip into your mouth, eyes dropping to his lap.

"That's okay. We won't need one."

THURSDAY

"You can't imagine what I'm 'bout to say. You really wanna know? You'll have to wait. (It's a surprise, surprise.)"

Blue, blue, blue. Just do it, just be blue! It's a great color—the best color, maybe even your favorite color.

You keep chanting at it, loudly and in your head, but the plastic stick doesn't seem to appreciate your encouragement. It just stares back at you, blank and unhelpful.

How much longer do the instructions say you have to wait? One to three minutes, that's it? It feels like it's already been two hours, but it's actually only been...30 seconds. What the fuck.

Maybe if you shake it, it'll develop faster. It's basically like a polaroid, right? And Outkast has never steered you wrong, so. You lean over from where you're still sitting on the toilet, pants around your ankles, to test your theory but it's too late.

It already has an answer for you. ...Wait, what? Both of the lines are blue. So...does that mean you're extra not pregnant? You snatch up the pamphlet again, actually reading through the directions this time, and your stomach drops. Pink was never even an option.

Two blue lines. Pregnant.

You knew this week was going a little too well.

Those random bouts of nausea, the weird cravings, the fucking breast tenderness. They didn't need to mean anything. They shouldn't have meant anything.

Fuck. Fuck. What are you supposed to do now? You're way too young to have a baby. Well. Okay, that's a massive lie, but still, you're definitely not ready to have one. Or to be…pregnant. You shudder at the thought.

Swollen ankles, morning sickness, mood swings. You’re already a walking rollercoaster of emotions, and your back hurts from just existing. No, you can’t do this.

It's not about the finances, either. You and Joel both have steady jobs and could make it work if you wanted to, but do you want to? Will he? He’s not your husband, not even your fiancée, so there’s no reason for him to stick around. It’s not his burden.

There's just too many unanswered questions. And Joel's already someone's dad. He did the whole baby thing by himself and got it right the first around.

Sarah's perfect—fuck, what is Sarah going to think? Stupid, this was so stupid. You thought you were being so careful. Sure, Joel cums inside you basically every time you have sex, but that's totally beside the point.

You take those dumb little pills at the same time every day, just like you're supposed to. Except…when’s the last time you had a period? Did you even get it last month? The month before?

Shit, that wedding—when was that wedding? Your coworker’s, the rich one who decided to have a fucking destination wedding in Hawaii a couple months ago. It was decadent. You and Joel were super drunk the entire time and fucked like rabbits for three days straight.

Fuck.

Don't cry. Do not cry. Joel will probably be back from picking Sarah up from soccer practice any minute, so you need to hold it together. Maybe you just won’t tell them, at least not until you’ve had more time to process everything and decide what you’re going to do.

But, god, you wear your emotions on your sleeve, and even more so on your face. They’ll know something’s off the second they look at you, and you won’t be able to talk yourself out of it. You’ve always been a shit liar.

Tears start to fall without your permission. You slump slowly to the floor, pants still around your ankles, and curl up into a ball, willing it all to go away—the tiny clump of cells growing inside your belly and the regret of being so careless, of letting yourself get caught up in a serious relationship in the first place. This isn’t something you can just wish away. It’s life-changing and nothing will ever be the same again. Was it really worth it?

No, no. Of course, it was. Snap out of it.

If only it were that easy. Sobs wrack your entire body, and you can barely hear yourself choking on them, unable to hold them in anymore. Your eyes squeeze shut as you desperately try to block out your reality, but it seeps up your nose and into your mouth, salty and unignorable.

Blood rushes in your ears and you realize belatedly that you’re starting to hyperventilate, but you can’t stop. You’re drawing in too much air all at once and it’s making your vision go fuzzy. It’s all just too much. Anger, sadness, and fear consume you until you’re screaming with it, desperate to expel it from your body any way you can.

So, you don’t hear the front door opening or Joel and Sarah running up the stairs, completely panic-stricken.

Joel reaches the ensuite bathroom first and all but breaks down the door, but he’s met with the sight of your half-naked body in a heap on the floor. Immediately, he turns to block Sarah from getting in.

“Hey, hey—no,” he says firmly, wrapping her up in his arms to keep her from seeing past him. “You’re not goin’ in there. Ya gotta give us some time, alright?”

She looks up at him, scared and visibly shaken.

“What if—do you think she’s okay in there? Was she hurt…d-did you see her?” she asks softly, eyes wet. “Can I see her?”

“Not right now, kiddo,” he mumbles, kicking the bathroom door shut behind him before leading her out of his room and into the hallway. “‘m sorry.”

The crestfallen look on Sarah’s face is the last thing he sees before he closes the door on her. But he has to ignore how badly it feels to keep her away from you, at least until he can figure out what the hell is wrong and how he’s going to fix it.

Your cries have quieted since earlier, but not nearly enough to ease Joel's fears. He can still hear you through the door, hiccuping softly, and opens it gently this time, entering slowly as if he's trying not to spook a scared animal.

It doesn't work as well as he'd hoped. Your head shoots up, a small gasp escaping your lips as you dizzily pull your pants back up.

"Easy there, s'okay. Baby, s'just me, don't worry," he murmurs, dropping to his knees on the floor next to you, but you flinch away. You can only imagine the hurt in his eyes, and the mental image tugs at your heart. "I need ya to tell me what happened. Did ya hurt yourself?"

Yeah, you could say that.

You shake your head, the only thing you're capable of doing in the state you're in. Trying to speak would be useless after all the screaming you just did and you can't bear to look him in the eye.

"Hey, talk to me. If somethin's the matter, I need to know, 'specially if we gotta get you to the hospital," he says, reaching out to touch you.

His hand grazes your shoulder, and your body jerks so viscerally that you slam your knees into the bottom of the sink. You let out a tiny whimper of pain right as you hear something small and plastic hit the ground next to you.

Oh, no. Shit. You desperately try to kick the test out of reach, to cover it with your body—anything to keep him from seeing it—but his fingers wrap around it before you get the chance. He sucks in a harsh breath through his teeth and you feel your whole world shattering.

That's it, then. Even just a glance at those two blue lines will have immediately told Joel all he needs to know. Now he'll leave and he'd have every right. This is all your fault.

Your cheeks are wet again, but this time you can't bring yourself to care. Turning away from him, you curl back into a ball, ignoring the angry throbbing in your knees as you wait for him to yell or throw the test, or finally get up and walk out.

But he doesn't. Instead, you hear him delicately set the test back on the sink and then he lays down behind you on the floor, wrapping his arms around you and pulling your back into his chest.

His heartbeat is fast. It's racing against you and, yet, somehow his breathing is still so calm. The calm before the storm, you're sure of it. You tense, anticipation sitting heavily on your chest and lungs, and he can feel it.

His lips press into the back of your neck and even though the action is so tender and so Joel, you still can’t convince yourself that maybe you’ve misjudged this entire situation. Or that you’ve misjudged him.

“Sweetheart,” he sighs, resting his forehead between your shoulder blades. It hasn’t escaped your notice that he isn’t calling you baby anymore. You can’t tell if that’s for your benefit or his. "Tell me what you're thinkin'."

Time feels like it's moving in slow motion. You really don't mean to ignore him…it’s just that you’re not thinking anything. Lying there in his arms, your mind goes blank, giving in to the white noise of his heartbeat syncopating your own fragile rhythm.

But somehow he seems to understand you completely, filling the silence himself. His voice lulls you into a false sense of security, or…no. No, that’s not right. It’s real. His security, his safety, is real and reliable, proven and palpable.

“Listen to me—I need ya to hear this, alright? I want whatever you want and if ya don’t want this, we’re not doin’ it,” he says firmly, like he means it with every fiber of his being. You do hear him. But your heart and mind are still rebelling, begging you to see their own senseless logic. Joel won’t stop until he convinces them, too.

“But if ya do…if—,” his voice trails off, cracking almost imperceptibly. At least, to anyone else but you. “—if ya wanna do this with me, then ‘m with ya. Every step of the way, ‘m with ya.”

Then, for the first time since those blue lines appeared in your life, you feel peace. And it's all him. He’s given you a choice—one you knew you always had, but never thought to factor him into. You didn’t think you deserved to involve him. But he does. He deserves that choice, too.

The floodgates open and soon you’re sobbing uncontrollably again, but this time it feels cathartic. Like he’s freed you from a prison of your own making. You find your voice, wet and shaky.

“Joel, I’m scared,” you weep, turning in his arms to finally meet his eyes. And there they are. Brown and beautiful and clear, unclouded by fear and regret, and you let them make you brave. For him and your tiny clump of cells.

“What if I can’t do this? What—I…,” you hiccup through the disjointed thought, “—if I give up…if it’s just too hard...”

“S’why there’s two of us,” he bends down to murmur soothingly into your cheek, lips brushing against the corner of your own. “But ya can’t push me away anymore. If we do this, then we do it together,” and that lances straight through your heart, obliterating all doubt and setting your decision in stone.

Together. You’re in this together.

“Okay,” you croak, sniffling as he wipes away your tears. You repeat it, clearer this time. “Okay.”

FRIDAY

"You might think I'm crazy, the way I've been cravin'. If I put it quite plainly, just gimme them babies."

Doctors' offices have no business being as scary as they are. Bare and sterile, and not an ounce of color to be found anywhere but those creepy posters of in-depth diagrams of the human body. Gross.

You fight the urge to turn around and head straight back to the truck but, as if he can sense your plan to make a run for it, Joel places both hands on your shoulders and leads you toward the reception desk.

“C’mon, we got this,” he says quietly in your ear, likely reassuring both of you. “We go in, they tell us you ’n the baby are healthy, then we get out.”

You grimace. The baby. That’s still so weird. There’s literally a tiny being growing inside you, eating your food, and sitting on your fucking bladder. It’s like that thing in Alien that bursts out of people’s chests.

Great. Well, that’s officially off the list for movie night later, which Joel promised you'd have if you got your check-up without trying to escape. Technically, you’re doing great so far. And it’s an extremely tempting offer.

Movie nights at the Miller house usually include a trip to 7/11 for popcorn, soda, and a box of your favorite candy. Those annoying cravings you’re just now realizing are because you’re pregnant would be extremely satiated by that.

You’ll also get to curl up on the couch with Joel all night in a childless house because Sarah's staying at a friend’s. Win-win. But first, you have to make it through this check-up.

Everything up until you’re inside the actual examination room isn’t actually so bad. The receptionist is nice enough, even though you can tell she deals with a lot of first-time moms by the way she treats you with baby gloves, and the wait time is less than 10 minutes.

Yeah, you’ve totally got this. Or at least you did until the doctor shows up with an ultrasound machine and lifts your shirt to squeeze that freezing cold goop all over your stomach. You look up at Joel, scared and a little bewildered, and he takes your hand in his, rubbing soothing circles into your skin. The screen lights up with what you assume is a real-time view of the inside of your belly and, after that, it’s all sort of a blur.

Six weeks. They tell you that you’re already six weeks pregnant, so you definitely conceived at that dumb wedding. At least you’ve got a story to tell. You’re also entering that fun stage where your nausea’s mostly cleared up, but now you’ll either be super tired or super horny at any given time.

You try not to laugh when you feel Joel’s hand subtly twitch in yours. Of course, he perks up at that. Honestly, you’d be a liar if you said you weren’t going to enjoy it, too. Immensely.

Then, comes the big one. The entire point of this doctor’s visit, and the reason you and Joel are gripping each other so tight, you’re cutting off the other’s circulation. But it’s good news. Luckily, it's all good news.

Your tiny clump of cells is healthy, you’re healthy, and you can go home now, equipped with all of that very calming knowledge. One day, you’re going to have to stop calling them a clump, but you’ve decided today is not that day.

“Told ya it wouldn’t be so bad,” he teases as you walk out to the truck, still hand-in-hand.

But his eyes betray his tone. There’s a seriousness to his joy, and you can see it so clearly in the way he’s looking at you like you’ve given him the greatest gift in the world. It makes you feel warm and…important. Loved. He continues, his voice tinged with something a little softer.

“Thank you…for goin’, I mean. S’good to know that everythin’s alright. That you’re alright.”

You stop next to the car, meeting his gaze with what you hope is the same amount of love and affection you see, and throw your arms around his neck.

“Thanks for taking me, and just…being here. Like, really being here, not just showing up so you can say you did,” you say earnestly, and he leans down to kiss you, his arms wrapping around you to pull you close.

“‘Course, baby. Don't have to thank me for that,” he mumbles against your lips.

Not ready to separate from him, you deepen the kiss, running your tongue along his bottom lip until he opens for you and licking into his mouth freely. He groans as you press him into the side of the truck, his hands trailing down your sides to grip the plush of your ass through your jeans.

You can feel him starting to stiffen against your belly and that carnal hunger the doctor warned you about takes over, the need to feel more, more of him overwhelming you. He’s just so solid everywhere.

Your fingers skim underneath his shirt to feel his stomach flexing beneath your palms, and you roll your hips into his, gasping into his mouth at the friction. You’re so caught up in his hands on your body, his tongue in your mouth, that you don’t hear the group of people passing by on the other side of the truck.

But Joel does. He begrudgingly pulls away from you, hard as a rock and panting heavily. You whine at the loss, and he twitches against you in response.

“C’mon, baby, I’m not fuckin’ you in a goddamn Planned Parenthood parkin’ lot,” he chuckles, leading you to the passenger’s side of the car. He smacks your ass when you resist, and you shoot him a wounded glare. “Uh-uh, none’a that. ‘m takin’ you home. Owe ya a movie, don’t I?”

You perk up at the mention of his promise from earlier.

“You sure do. And candy, and popcorn, and soda,” you list off, easily distracted by the prospect of shitty junk food. You bounce into the car, shifting the seat to recline as far as it’ll go. “What are we watching?”

“Whatever you want, baby."

Well, he did say he’d give you whatever you wanted. And for a while, it was the movie—you’d even picked out your favorite. But you only manage to get about 20 minutes in before Joel's arm around your shoulder and chest under your cheek become an unignorable distraction.

Now, you want something else.

You don't bother teasing or playing coy, not when he’s so solidly pressed against you, just begging to be had. Your body rises and falls with every breath he takes, and it’s so visceral, being close enough to touch and taste him, and yet not doing either.

His neck looks especially delicious under the faint, fluorescent lighting of the TV, and your lips press wetly into the underside of his jaw, sucking delicately as your tongue darts out to taste him. His breath hitches, but he shows no other signs of being affected at all.

Taking that as your cue to up the ante, you drop your hand onto his lap to tug at his belt, but he catches you before you can make any progress. You tilt your head back to look up at him, brows furrowed in confusion, but he just smirks, eyes still locked on the TV screen.

"You wanted a movie, didn't ya? Thought ya loved this one," he says teasingly. "You can wait a couple hours—I know ya can."

Yeah, you can, but that doesn't mean you want to. He was so into it in the parking lot, so what happened between then and now? You didn't think he liked this movie that much, but apparently you were mistaken.

Settling back into his side, you try to shift your focus back to the movie, but then the hand on your shoulder starts to play with your hair. His fingers graze your neck, and you're back to squeezing your thighs together in frustration.

He has to be doing this on purpose. Riling you up so much that once the movie’s finally over, you’ll be putty in his hands. Well, two can play that game. If he won't let you touch him, then you'll just have to touch yourself.

Your eyes flutter closed as you run your fingers down your belly, slipping your hand beneath the waistband of your shorts to drag your fingers up and down your slick folds. God, you didn't realize you were already so wet. You gasp softly as you trail upward toward your clit, but Joel's voice startles you out of your reverie.

"Should ya be doin' that right now?"

There's a tinge of warning to his voice, and it burns hot in your veins. You open your eyes slowly and he's finally looking at you, his attention drawn to your fingers still moving under the fabric.

"Well, you weren't gonna. What, are you—," your middle finger brushes against that sensitive bundle of nerves and you bite back a whine, "—you...ngh—gonna stop me?"

The hand that was gently stroking your hair shifts back to firmly grip the back of your neck, squeezing just hard enough to make your fingers stutter. He leans in, his voice dangerously low in your ear.

"No, I'll let ya keep goin'. But you're gonna do exactly what I tell ya to, ya got that?" he murmurs, watching as your hips begin to swivel into your own sweet friction. "'n if you're good for me...," he trails off, eyes dropping down to where he's slowly jerking off his hardening cock through his jeans. "...I'll give ya this. We got a deal?"

You want him inside you so badly, you almost say yes before he's even done talking, but then you have a wicked thought. A counteroffer, of sorts.

"I'll take your deal. But—," you start with a devilish smile, and he raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to continue. "Only if you touch yourself, too. Want you to fuck your hand like you're fucking me."

"Deal," he says without hesitation.

"Deal," you smirk, removing your hand from your pussy for him to shake, your fingers sticky and glistening.

He takes your proffered hand but, instead of shaking, he wraps his lips around your slick digits, sucking you off each one and groaning at your taste. What you wouldn't give to have that tongue in your mouth. Or buried in your cunt. Pulling off with a lewd pop, he nods at your lap.

"Take your fuckin' pants off. Now."

Shit, he doesn't have to tell you twice. You quickly shimmy out of your shorts and underwear, and wait for his next instructions. You'll be a good girl for him. The best girl he's ever had and ever will.

"Spread 'em. Show me how wet you are for me," he mumbles, kicking your legs apart.

You spread them as wide as you can. The cool night breeze filtering in through the open window meets your center, and you're suddenly aware of how much wetter you've gotten since you started. It almost makes your mouth water. You don't think you've ever been this turned on by your own body in your life.

Slick coats your thighs, seeping into the couch, and he looks pleased. You can see he wants to touch you just as badly as you want to touch yourself. Your knee bumps into his thigh and he hooks your leg over his, holding you open.

"Shit, would'ja look at that," he breathes out in awe. "Prettiest pussy I've ever seen."

Your cunt visibly clenches at the praise and he hisses in a breath through his teeth, resting his hand on your thigh so he can lean over your body. He lingers for a moment like he's admiring you laid out for him like this, but then moves a little closer and spits a thick glob of saliva right onto your clit.

Your jaw drops, a loud gasp torn from your chest when he grabs your hand, using your fingers to gather it up and swirl it around your swollen nub. Shit, if he keeps going like this, you're going to cum and fast.

Dropping your head back onto his shoulder, you rock into your fingers, slipping through the mess he's made of your pussy, and your body starts to feel like a rubber band about to snap.

"Wanna taste you so fuckin' bad. Fuck you on my tongue 'til you're nice 'n ready for me," he growls, pressing your fingers harder onto your clit. "S'that what you want? Wanna cum in my mouth?"

You turn to bury your head into the crook of his neck, nodding frantically as you cry into the soothing warmth of his skin. You're going to cum. Fuck, fuck, you're going to cum. Your eyes start to roll back as you feel it crescendo, and then—

Then, he releases your hand, cruelly and unapologetically.

"Not yet, baby. We both gotta be patient, don't we?" he teases you again, and your eyes snap open.

What the fuck. No, you're not letting him edge you again. It was fun and all at the gym, but you're way too far gone to be playing games right now.

And how isn't he a total wreck? Both of his hands are on you, even though that wasn't part of the deal, so he can't be taking care of himself.

Your eyes drop down to his lap, and wow. This man has more willpower than you ever could've imagined. He's so hard, you can see the tip of his cock peeking out above the waistband of his pants. And it's leaking everywhere, twitching and angrily dribbling precum all over the fabric.

He looks...so fucking good like this. Fuck, you want him so bad. But that means getting back on track, and it's obviously on you to make that happen. Clearly, he's more affected by all of this than he made it seem.

"Joel, please, just tell me what to do," you plead. You'll beg if you have to. Whatever it takes for you to finally get what you want.

"Alright, alright," he concedes, taking sympathy on you, likely reaching his limit himself. "'m gonna let you make yourself feel good, baby. Don't'chu worry."

"Great," you grit through your teeth. "Then start by taking your fucking pants off."

He chuckles at his words thrown back at him, but listens, regardless. His boxers and jeans are pulled off in two hard tugs, and his cock bounces against his stomach, thick and wet, and unfairly far from your aching pussy. The hand on your neck moves to gently caress the side of your cheek.

"Gonna start nice 'n slow, ya got that?" he says, biting back a groan as he wraps his fingers around his neglected cock. He starts to pump himself, and more precum leaks out. "Watch me."

But it didn't need to be said. You're already enraptured by the way he strokes himself, slow and steady, swiping his thumb over the head on every upstroke. He's panting softly, trying to keep his hips from jerking up into his fist, but you can see how much effort it's taking not to.

"C'mon, baby. Gimme one finger—your middle finger, all the way in," he commands, his voice as tight as his grip.

You tear your eyes away from him while you run your fingers through your folds, still slick with his saliva and your own desire, and then sink your finger into yourself knuckle by knuckle. It doesn't feel like much, and you both know it, but at least it's something.

"Now, follow me," he says, watching your hand as intently as you're watching his.

You rock your finger in and out slowly, just like he said. Because you're his good girl and good girls do what they're told. It’s already a sticky mess, your finger creamier with every thrust, and he groans out his appreciation.

"Good girl. Add another one. Not too fast, now."

Finally, you get some real relief. Slipping your index finger in alongside your middle finger, you feel that little bit of stretch you've been aching for and you can't help but whimper.

His lips part, brows furrowing as his hand speeds up. His eyes are locked on where your sopping cunt is sucking in your fingers greedily and, fuck, he's even more of a mess now. Sweat dripping from his temples, chest heaving with the effort of holding himself back.

So hot. So fucking hot. It's scorching, the way your cunt feels around your fingers as you fuck into yourself a little faster. They're rubbing your walls just right, your palm grazing your clit after every stroke, and his hyper-focused gaze makes it all feel that much better. You want to hear him say it again. For him to tell you how well you’re doing.

"—ngh...i-is this good?" you whine, knowing how pathetic you sound, but forgetting to care.

"Perfect, baby. You're perfect," he rasps, unable to keep his hips from snapping up into his fist as the sweet sounds of your wet squelching reach his ears. "So fuckin' good for me."

Preening hard at his praise, you push a little too deep into yourself and graze something mind-numbing that almost hurts with how good it feels. You cry out, curling your fingers into it again and again as you bury your face back into his neck. His arm tightens around your shoulder and he leans over to press his lips soothingly against your forehead.

"That's it, baby, just like that. Doin' so well," he groans, lips brushing against your skin. His strokes are frantic now and you know he can’t last much longer. "Need ya to gimme one more. Just one—last one, promise. Then I'll give ya whatever you want."

Nodding quickly, face still cushioned against his shoulder, you add your ring finger, and fucking hell, you’re so full. You stretch your fingers apart, pumping them in and out the best you can, and they drag against that spot—every spot—with how tight you are. But somehow it’s not enough. It’s not Joel’s cock, so it’ll never be enough.

Everything’s drowned out except for the wet sounds of skin on skin, and Joel’s voice, still just above your brow, talking you through your almost painful pleasure. He’s panting, whispering tender words that you can’t hear so much as feel with those soft, perfect lips.

“…tell me when you’re close, baby. Can’t feel ya, gonna need you to use your words,” he barely chokes out, staving off his orgasm, waiting for you.

It’s already close, but you’re only teetering, stuck in a constant loop of almost there, and need more. You can’t reach where you need to, but Joel can. So easily and all you have to do is ask. He said he’d give you whatever you wanted.

But you didn’t realize he was already at his limit, and you don’t get the chance to tell him before he’s babbling, delirious with the need to cum.

"'m sorry—fuck, 'm sorry. Need...to—ngh, fuck, need to cum inside you...fill you up...," he moans, and he sounds upset like he can’t help himself, not anymore.

Abruptly, so much quicker than you can fully process, your fingers are yanked out of your cunt and replaced by his cock, and the thrust is so harsh, he hits exactly where you need him to without even trying. The whine building in your chest erupts as a wail as you immediately lock down around him, sending him over the edge with you.

Full. God, how can you feel this full? You’re so unbelievably aware of him cumming inside you and there’s so much, he’s already leaking out of you. And he almost seems angry about it. Your hips are roughly tilted up so he’s fucking down into you, eyes unfocused, and snarling like a wild animal.

And still so mouthy.

“You got no idea how good ya look right now. Fuckin’ glowin’,” he all but slurs, drunk on the idea of keeping his seed inside you. “S’that my baby in you, makin’ ya glow like that?”

"Oh...oh, god, fuck, Joel,” you whimper, your aftershocks still milking him dry. “Christ, y-you trying to knock me up twice?"

It’s like that alone makes him redouble his efforts. You’ve never seen him like this before, but you like it. Something primal in you wants this as badly as he does.

"Fuck yeah, baby, gonna pump you full'a twins."

Holy shit. You’re not sure if you’re still cumming or if you just came again, but you feel an entirely new rush of pleasure and he hisses out a breath through his teeth like he can feel it. Not long after, sensitivity starts to set in for both of you and he stills, seated deeply inside you, chest heaving and eyes shut tight.

His hands squeeze where they’ve been aggressively gripping your thighs before he reluctantly pulls out, but he keeps your hips tilted up as he drops to sit between your legs on the cushion below.

“There a reason I can’t lay down like a normal person?” you laugh, wiggling in his grasp. “Joel, come on, put me down. I’m already pregnant.”

“Just gimme a minute,” he mumbles, suddenly sounding so solemn. He turns his head from where it's resting on the side of your knee to kiss your damp skin. “Didn’t know I was knockin’ you up the first time, just…lemme have this, alright?”

Your eyes soften. How this man can be such a sap after fucking you like that is beyond comprehension, but if he wants this, then you’ll let him have his moment. It’s kind of sweet, anyway.

“Okay,” you reach up to brush your fingertips along his cheek. It's incredible, really, all of the things you see in Joel's eyes right now. That in this single, fleeting gaze, you can see forever. "Put a baby in me.”

SATURDAY

"Can you stay up all night? Fuck me 'til the daylight. 34, 35."

You’re convinced Joel tastes especially good in the mornings. There’s a hint of sweat to his skin, so naturally bitter and heady, maybe even a little tangy. It’s fucking delicious.

And he’s always hard in the morning. His cock is the perfect alarm clock, always reliable and super effective, whether it’s pulsing against your thigh or rutting into your ass. It’s your favorite way to wake up, but there’s usually not enough time to enjoy it to the fullest.

Not with work and Sarah, even Tommy showing up for breakfast unannounced. But it’s Saturday, which means you can keep your lips wrapped around him for as long as you want, make him cum as many times as you want, and taste him to your heart’s content.

He probably won’t even wake up, at least not right away. Joel sleeps like the dead, especially on the weekends, and it’s been a long week. Even now, as you suck the tip into your wet, very eager mouth and swallow him down halfway, he barely stirs.

That’s more than okay with you. You’d be happy to lie in bed, head pillowed on his stomach, keeping his cock warm between your lips while you wait. Relishing how fucking good he tastes and how your jaw pleasantly aches as you adjust to accommodate his girth.

But, soon enough, your jaw isn’t the only thing aching. The slick mess you’re making in your underwear right now is getting hard to ignore, but you don’t want to let him go. He’s velvety smooth against your tongue, dribbling salty precum down your throat, and his unconscious body is starting to respond to you more and more with each passing moment. This is your favorite part.

He lets out a soft grunt, twitching into the inside of your cheek, and your efforts become a little more concentrated and a lot more obvious. You try to forget about your soaked underwear and the pleasurable whoosh in your belly in favor of sucking a little harder, letting saliva pool in your mouth as you slurp loudly around the head.

His hips jerk up, surprising you enough to gag you, and that only makes your mouth and pussy wetter, the heat building in your core almost unbearable now. The moan that escapes you sends a drawn-out series of vibrations straight down to his balls that pulls even more noise from him, and your head steadily shifts with the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

He's starting to rut into your mouth, whimpering, and yet somehow still asleep, and it makes you feel powerful to have full control over him like this. To command his pleasure without any interruption or intervention, making him fall apart entirely at your mercy. You kind of hope you can get him to cum like this, to be his alarm clock for once.

Turns out only half of your wish is granted, but you don't realize it until Joel's fingers are threading into your hair and abruptly tugging you off. He's definitely awake now, but he also definitely didn't cum. Bummer. You try sucking him back into your mouth, but he tugs you harder even as his hips chase you.

"Joel, what—?" you glare up at him, but upon seeing him, you feel a little bad for your reaction. He looks so sleepy, still a little dazed from his unconventional wake-up call, blinking blearily like he's doing his best to stay awake. Your expression softens.

"Sorry, got a little carried away," you murmur sheepishly. "But, um, you taste really good, so if you wanna go back to sleep, I can just keep—"

You're cut off by a hand trailing down your body, following the curve of your ass to dip inside you. He smears the moisture around your entrance, pushing two fingers into you, then pulling out to hold them up to his face. You watch him, enraptured by the way he inspects your wetness, how it strings between his middle and ring fingers.

Then, he surprises you even further by sucking them into his mouth, his eyes rolling back as he groans around them before slipping them out totally clean. His cock jerks next to your face and you belatedly realize you're drooling.

"Fuck, so do you." He's fully awake now, eyes clear, but dark. Hungry.

"Huh?" you ask dumbly.

"Ya taste really good," he mumbles, his voice low and so sexy, still thick with sleep. You feel your cheeks heat up. Oh.

"C'mere, baby," he tells you, patting his chest. You crawl up his body and lean up to kiss him, assuming he wants you to taste yourself in his mouth, but he stops you. "Other way, sweetheart."

Your brows furrow in confusion as you try to work out exactly what he's asking for. Even though you've been awake and riling him up for what feels like hours, your brain clearly hasn't caught up yet. His eyes are unreadable, fingers tense at his sides. Like he's just itching for you to understand.

"Need you to figure this out—know you can do it," he rasps needily. "C'mon, smart girl, what do I want?"

And then it hits you. He's not asking you to sit on his chest, not really. He wants you to sit on his face. Needs you to. Sprawled out on your hands and knees where his spit-slick cock would be just within reach, bobbing temptingly with every breath he takes.

God, you want to. The idea of Joel fucking you with his tongue while he's fucking into your mouth makes you clench so hard it hurts. You bite your lip, meeting his expectant gaze.

Okay. Okay, you can definitely do that. Especially when he looks so...eager. It also has the double advantage of combining mind-blowing sex with a well-rounded breakfast. You have a feeling you'll both be full after this.

"Just so I have this straight—," you splay your fingers across his stomach, trailing down to wrap tightly around his length and tug upward until a single, perfect bead of precum leaks from his slit, "—you still want my mouth here."

Your eyes stay locked on his as you bend down to lick it off, lingering to suckle the tip and tease your tongue just under the ridge. When he doesn't immediately tug you off, you take him deeper, preening at his harsh intake of breath.

You don't want to press your luck, but he tastes fucking incredible, somehow even better than he did earlier. Maybe it's the way he's watching you, captivated and attuned to your every movement.

He’s already starting to buck into you, shallowly, now an active participant in his own pleasure. His knuckles are nearly white with how hard he’s fisting the sheets, teeth gritting as he fights the urge to rush you.

But his patience is wearing thin. Just a few thrusts later, he tugs you off with what feels like dwindling restraint, and your dazed, glassy eyes don't do much to help.

You look wrecked, and you know it. Lips swollen and slick with saliva, your lashes wet with unshed tears from the effort of taking him. He reaches out to trace your bottom lip with his thumb, hissing when you catch the tip between your teeth.

“Yeah...ngh—yeah, keep doin' that. Suckin' me just like that," he breathes raggedly. "And sit that pretty pussy right here—"

Then, without warning, he's suddenly manhandling you into position, throwing your leg over his head, and maneuvering you until you can feel him panting heavily against your cunt.

“Down, baby, let's go. Wanna taste ya. Now.”

Blunt nails dig into your skin and your hips stutter, dipping low enough for your clit to brush his bottom lip. It’s enough for him to get a taste of you. For him to finally snap and decide he’s done waiting.

Joel yanks you onto his face, licking a wide stripe from your clit to your entrance, his tongue immediately finding a home in your pussy. The motion knocks you off balance and you fall forward, his cock just inches from your mouth.

Bracing a hand on his stomach, you wrap your other around him and he groans throatily in response, the sound deep and muffled as he licks into you with increased fervor. And his noises only grow in volume, vibrating against your folds and sending jolt after jolt into your very sensitive bundle of nerves.

His mouth feels so fucking hot, and the coarseness of his beard burns, making it hard to concentrate on what you’re desperately trying to accomplish. You’re already panting, hiccuped breaths puffing teasingly and cruelly against him until he’s pulsing in your grip.

The promise of him throbbing just like that down your throat makes you focus just long enough to take him back into your mouth, intent on sucking him down as far as your body will let you. But, by now, any sense of self-control he might’ve had before is totally gone. His hips buck clean off the mattress at the tightness of your lips around him, and he all but chokes you with the force of it, the size of him.

And, fuck, you love it. The way his stomach tenses, his thighs trembling beneath you. You can’t tell where your body ends and his begins, not when he’s fucking into you every single way he can. His tongue spears into you and your pussy rhythmically squeezes him every time his cock grazes the back of your throat.

You’re audibly gagging around him and it’s filthy as hell, but you can tell how much it’s turning him on. Christ, can you tell. Maybe you were genuinely worried you’d suffocate him at first but, now, you probably couldn’t stop yourself from grinding into his face even if you tried. And that's exactly what he wants.

"...Harder—mmph, c'mon, baby," you feel him groan into your cunt, urging your hips even lower. "—ride me harder, harder."

How—he...fuck, he's...? Everywhere. He's everywhere. You struggle to do what he told you, to use him for your mounting pleasure, but it doesn't fucking matter anymore. You're helpless but to let him do whatever he wants to you.

Joel’s devouring you. Roughly grabbing your ass, moaning pathetically into you as he pulls your cheeks apart for better access. It’s almost like you can feel him swelling between your lips, and you try to pull up for just a second of respite.

But, then, he abruptly shifts. His mouth lowers to suck gently, yet fleetingly on your clit twice, then he licks a wide stripe back up to your entrance. Except, he doesn’t stop there. Instead, he continues his path up, gathering your wetness as he goes, and swirls his tongue around your other hole before sucking hard. And it sends you reeling.

Jesus fucking Christ, that’s new. Fuck, and it’s—so...so good. It’s indescribable, how he feels right now. How he sounds—slurping you up, whimpering desperately like he’ll cum at any moment.

And he’s loud, drawn-out moans escaping from so deep within his chest, they climb their way from that tight ring of muscle straight up your spine, where you can vaguely feel his arm snaking around you to claw at your back. You can’t think anymore—you’re done thinking.

Now, it’s just him trapping you in place, the three fingers he’s suddenly pumping into your spasming pussy, and his cock, now abandoned and leaking on his stomach. It’s so much, bordering on too much, and you can’t hold yourself up anymore.

Your head drops unceremoniously onto the puddle of precum and it smears across your cheek as his hips urgently roll into nothing. But you don’t even notice. Not even when your eyes roll back and you start to babble deliriously, your orgasm building quickly in a place between your legs you can’t even begin to explain.

“Joel…JoelJoelJoel—I…you…,” you slam a hand down on the mattress as your thighs start to quake violently. “…cumming—‘m cumming, fuck—fuck.”

It doesn’t just crash over you, it rocks you to your core. Everything below your waist locks down, squeezing his fingers so tight, you swear you can feel each individual knuckle. Your jaw drops, parting around what feels like a silent scream, but you can’t be totally sure because soon, Joel is groaning so gutturally, you can’t focus on anything else.

At least, until he cums completely untouched right into your face. And he cums hard. Thick spurts cover your lips and chin, landing haphazardly on your cheek, and your tongue darts out to taste him, salty and sated and perfect. Exactly what you've been waiting for.

His thighs tense intermittently, a few more drops dribbling out of his slit, and you crane your neck, letting your tongue flutter over his head. As it pulses weakly against your lips, Joel gasps out your name, burying his face in your swollen pussy again.

Lazily, you swivel your hips into his mouth despite the extreme overstimulation, hiccuping soft moans and nearly succumbing to the easy pleasure. He gently caresses your clit, enveloping you with a dextrous warmth that simultaneously makes you jolt and crave the sensation.

Neither of you want to stop. Truthfully, you'd let him do this to you all day, drawing orgasm after orgasm from each other the way you have been all week. But exhaustion's starting to set in and you're not sure your body can physically take any more.

Joel slaps your ass and you huff out a soft laugh, deciding it's time to separate so you can get cozy with him again. The perfect end to your surprisingly athletic, lazy Saturday morning in bed.

“You gonna stop anytime soon, or do you just live there now?” you pant teasingly, grimacing as you slowly lift your head off his stomach.

Shit, you’re a mess. You’re practically stuck to him, his cum drying on his stomach and your face, and you can feel the stickiness of his saliva mixed with your juices dripping between your legs. His hand trails from your ass down to your inner thigh, painting mindless patterns on your sullied skin.

"Sure don't seem like ya want me to stop," he chuckles tiredly, managing to suck your clit chastely one last time before you jerk your hips away.

His head finally drops onto the pillow below him, and he lets out a disgruntled whine when you toss your leg over his head, plopping down on the bed beside him.

"Yeah, well, one of us has to have a little self-control or we're not leaving this bed today. And you, uh, look like you could use some tidying up,” you snort, scratching your fingertips against his already crusting beard. He mimics the motion on your leg, and you swat his hand away, rolling your eyes fondly.

It would be disgusting if it were literally anyone else but Joel but, here in this bed—your bed—it feels so natural. Like it’s totally normal that you’d be covered in each other’s releases, having a silly conversation on a Saturday morning as if you’ve done this all your lives.

“Might wanna look in the mirror, baby. I’d be more’n happy to keep lookin’ at ya like this, but—,” he leans up to wipe a streak of cum off your bottom lip. His hand lingers, cupping your damp cheek, and you instinctively lean into his touch. “—you probably need more cleanin’ up than I do.”

You eye each other for a few seconds, taking in how truly disgusting you both are, before bursting into fits of laughter. You’re smiling so hard, your skin tugs under his drying release and that makes you laugh even harder.

“Alright, alright, filthy girl,” he jokes, wiping a stray tear from his eye. “Lay down, I’ll take care of ya.”

He sits up and slowly slides off the bed, yanking your legs out from under you as he goes. Still giggling, you flop onto the damp, cotton sheets with an oomph and immediately take the opportunity to stretch out your sore limbs. You nuzzle into your pillow with a soft mewl, practically purring as you try to soak up the warm morning rays streaming through the gaps in the curtains.

You glance over at Joel as you continue to nest like a gigantic cat, but he's already watching you, paused in the doorway to the bathroom. His eyes rove appreciatively down your naked body and you observe him quietly, deciding you'll let him stare for as long as he wants to. There's no rush. Sure, you're still a mess and probably have the worst bedhead imaginable, but despite it all, he makes you feel beautiful.

When he returns with a cool, damp washcloth a few minutes later, he's much cleaner and you're only a little bummed that the evidence of your explosive morning is gone. He's gentle and attentive as he wipes the remaining streaks off your cheeks and chin, and bends down to kiss you once your face is officially cum-free.

Okay, maybe you lied earlier. This is your favorite part. Joel taking care of you, choosing to express his affection through his actions and touch. You sigh into his mouth, melting into the first real kiss you've shared since waking up, and it takes his tongue tangling with yours for you to realize he tastes minty. He's always so delicious.

Trailing further down, he wipes his release off your stomach, pressing his lips to each freshly-cleaned inch of skin, and then crawls between your legs to wash away the mess he made of your thighs. Your eyes start to flutter closed at the repetitive shift in sensation, his hands lulling you to sleep, until the washcloth hits the floor with a dull splat.

Well, that was over way too soon. But you quickly forgive the horrible transgression once his warm, welcome body sinks into the bed next to you, and his tousled head of hair and beard nuzzle into your stomach.

He mouths at your skin, his lips pressing sweetly around your belly button, and it tickles, making you laugh as you thread your fingers through his curls and scratch his scalp affectionately.

After a moment of comfortable silence, his hand splays warm and broad next to his head. His expression shifts and he looks unexpectedly pensive. Uncertainty creeps into your chest before you can logic it away, even though you know without a doubt that he wants this. His lips begin to move against your stomach and it takes a second for you to realize he's saying something, almost too quietly for you to hear. But when it finally registers, all of that fear completely fades away.

"Hey there, kiddo. It's me, your daddy," he murmurs, his thumb rubbing circles into your skin as soothing as his words. He has the tiniest smile on his face, and it's growing wider by the second. "We're all so excited to meet ya. Me, your momma, your big sister, your uncle...we already love ya so damn much."

The room starts to blur into a wash of colors and figures, and shit, you're crying. But how could you not be? He's...talking to your tiny clump of cells. To your baby—who can't possibly be bigger than a pumpkin seed—with so much adoration, it makes your chest ache.

You're trying so hard not to tremble or sniffle or breathe too heavily so you don't startle him, but that doesn't exactly work out. A few stray tears make their way up your nose, and you snort around your next inhale. Classic, clumsy you.

Joel's head shoots up like he's been caught and his cheeks flush that beautiful shade of burgundy you love so much. You don't want him to stop, but he looks so embarrassed like he thinks he's done something wrong. That couldn't be further from the truth.

"I'm just emotional from the hormones, it's totally fine. I'm totally fine," you give him a reassuring, watery grin. "Keep going. I think they like the sound of daddy's voice."

He chuckles and reaches up to wipe your tears away, gently cradling your face in his hand before he slides it back down to your belly. He continues where he left off, just like you asked, but you have a sneaking suspicion he would've anyway. Joel's just one of those men who was born to be a dad. It comes as naturally to him as breathing.

“Heard that? That's your momma, kiddo. She's....well. She's somethin' else. Strongest, most lovin', person I've ever known and fuckin' sharp as a tack," he smiles up at you, eyes crinkling and bright as the goddamn sun. "And she's beautiful. She even sounds beautiful, don't she? Hopin' you'll come out just like her."

You scoff affectionately, shaking your head as you share a look that tells you he knows exactly what you're thinking. If this baby pops out without his brown eyes and curls, you're going to be so pissed. You teasingly tug his hair, willing him to take it back, but he won't. If your baby's getting anything from the two of you, it's stubbornness.

Then, before you can blink, there's a sudden tone shift. His hand finds yours, lacing your fingers together, and he turns his head so he's speaking directly into your belly. An exchange just between a father and his child.

"Wanna know a secret? S'just between you and me, though, alright? Don't go tellin' your momma," he says nosing into your soft skin, his voice barely above a whisper. You watch him curiously, squeezing his hand to get his attention, but his focus remains on your stomach. "'m gonna ask your momma to marry me. Think she'll say yes?"

Your heart stops and it feels like all of the air's been sucked out of the room. That's—fuck...that's one hell of a secret to share with your baby. You can't even imagine the kind of trouble they're going to get up to if they're already keeping secrets like that.

His eyes flit up to meet yours, but they're not questioning or expectant. He isn't wondering what your answer will be. He just looks peaceful. Blanketed in an easy calm because he already knows what you're going to say. Of course, he does.

Propping his chin on your hip, Joel quietly observes your reaction while he strokes the back of your hand with the rough pad of his thumb. You wonder what he sees on your face and in your body language right now because you're positive it's not the elation or excessive joy anyone else would expect.

You're not squealing or jumping up and down, or whatever newly engaged people usually do. No, that blanket of easy calm is more than big enough for both of you, and it feels safe and warm, just like you always knew this moment would.

And you wouldn't want it any other way. Lying here together after possibly the most eventful week of your lives, filled with so much sex and love and family, and deciding that you want to keep doing this together, over and over. Forever.

You guide his hand up to your lips, pressing a firm, lingering kiss to his palm, before placing it over your racing heart. That tiny smile returns to his face and he crawls up your body so he can kiss you properly, conveying his love better than words ever could.

It's still way too early for your baby to kick or give their daddy any sort of sign that they heard his question, but you're sure they wouldn't mind if you answered for them. It's a no-brainer, anyway.

"Yeah, I do."

thanks for reading! 💕

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

2K notes · View notes

supernaturalgirl20 · 2 years ago

Note

Hey, could you do a fic about Joel knocking up the reader, while living in Jackson? He's such a baby daddy and Everytime I read fics that says he pulled out during sex, I always think "hm, someday he's gonna get someone pregnant" since it's a very ineffective birth control hahaha

Thanks for the request 🥰 I’ve made this one more angsty from the last pregnancy request but it has a happy ending 😉💕

And Then it Happened

Pairings: Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, explicit, unprotected sex, PinV sex, Joel is an asshole, mentions of cheating, unplanned pregnancy, little bit of angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of abortion, cursing, fluff, anxiety.

A/N: did a quick edit on this so sorry about any mistakes 🥰

Comments and reblogs really appreciated 🥰

The weight of Joel’s arm around your waist felt heavier than normal and the way his hand was splayed across your stomach had anxiety coiling tight within your chest.

You should have told him last night, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. He had seemed so happy and relaxed for the first time since settling into Jackson that you didn’t want to take from it.

A groan slips past his lips as he moves his hand from your waist to lay back against the mattress.

“Mornin’.” His voice is husky with sleep as he pinches the bridge of his nose, his body stretching out his tired muscles.

“Mornin’,'' you whisper back, a slight quiver in your voice as you turn to face him. He looks at you from beneath his hand with a furrowed brow, his eyes tracing the contours of your face as if he’s searching for something.

“Everythin’ alright?” His hand falls away from his face as he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

You hum in response, but you can tell from the expression on his face that he isn’t buying it. “I’ma try that again and this time I want the truth,” he turns on his side to face you, his thumb tracing along the seam of your bottom lip as you pull it between your teeth.

“You bite your lip when you're lyin’ darlin.” His eyes are full of warmth as they gaze at you, and you gulp nervously as the butterflies begin to flutter in your stomach.

Your breathing becomes ragged and your heart beats harder against your chest as you work up the courage to tell him.

“I’m pregnant,” you mumble quietly waiting with bated breath for him to say something. “Darlin, ya gotta speak up. I didn’t catch what you said.”

You can feel his thumb rubbing gently against your cheek and you have to close your eyes to stop the tears from falling. “I'm pregnant!”

The motion of his thumb stops. His hand pulls away from you as he sits up abruptly in bed, the movement drawing your attention to him.

“What?!” He stutters. His hand runs anxiously through his hair as he stares down at the duvet. You sit up and slowly reach out to him, but he pulls away, his eyes darting quickly to your face.

“I'm pregnant,” you whisper, almost on the verge of tears. His eyes drift to your lips before meeting your gaze again. “No!” He says it so harshly you flinch. “How the hell did this happen? I ain’t ever cum inside you.”

“I mean, pulling out isn’t a fool proof method, Joel. It just…” He’s shaking his head and when he looks at you again the warmth in his chocolate-brown eyes is gone.

“I ain’t ever got anyone else pregnant pulling out. You must be seeing someone else. It ain’t mine.” His words cut you deeper than any knife ever could. You pull the sheets over your naked body as you begin to sob.

He’s up and out of the bed in a flash as he quickly grabs his clothes off the floor. You want so desperately to reach out and touch him. For him to drop everything and wrap you up in his arms but you know that isn’t going to happen.

“I - I haven’t slept with anyone else. It’s only been you. I thought we were…” He scoffs as he turns towards you. “You thought we were...what? Together. It was just sex. I told you from the start I couldn’t give you more than that. That I couldn’t give you anything other than someone to share a bed with and you were ok with that.”

“I was. Until I wasn’t and now, I’m pregnant and whether you like it or not, this baby is yours.” You stand, pulling the sheet around your naked body as you move around the bed towards him. “I love you, Joel. I have for a long time I just didn’t want to scare you away. So, I kept it to myself. I know you have issues from your past and that you lost Sarah…”

“Don’t!” He shouts. “Don’t you dare bring her up.” His finger is pointed at you angrily and his breathing is ragged as he tries to keep himself calm.

“I’m sorry. I just meant that, I get it. You’re scared and that’s ok because so am I. But we can figure it out together.” You try to move closer to him, but he pulls back.

“I can’t.” He stutters, his eyes now fixed on your stomach. “I can’t do this again. I won’t. I’m sorry.” He grabs his shirt and throws it over his t-shirt before leaving your room, the door slamming loudly behind him as you stand there staring after him.

When you hear the front door slam shut you break down crying. The sound of your sobs fills the now-quiet house. You knew he wouldn’t be happy, but you didn’t think he’d abandon you.

Sitting back against the side of the bed you move your hand to rest over your stomach. “Guess it’s just me and you.”

***

The weeks that followed were tough. Joel avoided you as much as possible and when he couldn’t, he barely spared you a glance.

You had asked Tommy to stop putting you on patrol with him, it was too much being in such proximity to him when he wouldn’t even acknowledge you. People had started to talk so it was easier if you went your separate ways.

“Ya sure?” Tommy asked, his eyebrows raised in question. “You and Joel make a great team.” You nodded. “It’s for the best.”

“Somethin’ happen between you two. Joel’s been grumpier than usual.” He stood leaning against the door with a soft smile on his face.

“Just didn’t work out, that's all.” Tommy didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push you on it. “He ain’t gonna be happy bout this, ya know?”

“I don’t care. He’s gonna have to get over it. Also, I was hoping to speak to Maria. Is she about?” He nodded before tilting his head to the side. “She’s out back. Want me to get her for ya?”

“Is it ok if I head on back?” He nods, stepping aside to let you pass by before he grabs his denim jacket. “Will you tell Maria I’m gonna head out and find Joel. Gotta go and break the good news to him.”

“Sure. And Tommy, make sure he’s alright for me.” He winks at you before closing the door behind him. You make your way out back to find Maria planting some seeds, baby Luna cooing up at her from her stroller.

“Hey,” you say softly, hoping not to startle them as you walk out into the garden. “Oh hey, I wasn't expecting you.” She dusted her hands on her jeans as she stood to greet you with a hug.

“Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you about something. Tommy said he’s gone to find Joel.” Maria smiles at you before bending down to pick Luna up. “Sure, let's head back inside and I’ll make us a cup of tea.”

“So, what’s up,” she asks, placing Luna in her highchair and making her way to the stove to start boiling the water. You shift nervously from one foot to the other and when you don’t answer, Maria turns around to look at you.

“Everything ok?” Her eyes are wide with concern and when you start to cry, she rushes over and pulls you into a tight hug. “It’s Joel, isn’t it? I knew it. I told Tommy somethin had happened between you two.”

Her hands rubbed your back soothingly as you calmed down to a quiet sob. “I’m - I'm pregnant. It’s Joel’s.”

“Well, that’s obvious.” She teases as she pulls back slightly. You let out a little laugh before you sob again.

“Oh honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I just ....”

“No,” you shake your head, wiping the tears from your face. “Joel doesn’t think it’s his. Well at least I think so…I don’t know. He said that he’s never…. ya know…cum inside me so it couldn’t be his but I told him that the pullout method isn’t guaranteed. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

Maria shushes you. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Jesus, I knew I didn’t like him for a reason. Asshole. You ain’t been with anyone else since he got here. Hell, anyone with a set of eyes can see you’re besotted by him.”

She pulls away and makes you both some hot tea before ushering you into the sitting room. “Here,” she hands you a cup and takes a seat beside you, Luna sitting happily in her chair eating some porridge.

“I don’t know what to do,” you whisper as you take a sip of the hot liquid. You don’t know if you can do it without him. “Well first things first, are you keeping it? If you don’t want to, we have options here. You can take some herbs that will terminate the pregnancy.”

Shaking your head, you place the cup on the coffee table. “No, I want to keep it. I’ve - I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Never thought I’d get the chance.”

“Ok, then we can help you. You won’t be alone in this. Tommy and I will be there and Ellie. Does she know yet?”

“No. I haven’t said anything, and I don’t know if I should. It’s not my place and besides me and Joel, we weren’t together like that.”

“Oh, bullshit. Who said that Joel? He’s more delusional than I thought. You two were joined at the hip, you were practically married. And look with Ellie it’s up to you but she is gonna find out eventually, I mean you’re gonna start showing and then what?”

“I know. I’ll think about it. What happens now?” You reach out and take your cup in hand again, sipping slowly on the warm tea. Maria smiles as she glances at her daughter. “Well, we have a scanning machine so the doctor can determine how far along you are and if the baby is doing ok. He’ll give you the vitamins you need to be taking and keep a regular eye on you.”

“Wow, that’s amazing. Didn’t think those were still available.” You smile over at Luna as she makes grabby hands at Maria.

“Yeah, we found one at the nearest hospital and Tommy brought it back hoping it would still work, and it did. He was a little over-cautious when I was pregnant.” She laughs as Luna bounces happily in her lap.

“We should get you over to him now, that way we know for sure what’s going on.” Maria stands and quickly bundles Luna into her stroller ready to take you to the doctor. You make it to the end of the street when you bump into Tommy and Joel.

They’re laughing at something Tommy said but as soon as they spot you Joel's face goes serious. All four of you stop and Joel just stares at you. It’s awkward. Tommy and Maria share a look, but you don’t notice, too caught up in the way Joel is staring at you.

“Where are my two girls off to?” Tommy asks as he pulls Maria in close for a kiss. The sound of his voice breaks Joel from his trance and his gaze drifts to Luna who's cooing up at him.

“Just bringing Y/N to see Jason.” You can feel Joel’s eyes on you again, but you refuse to meet his gaze, focusing instead on Tommy.

“You’re not sick are ya?” He asks, worried, as his eyes drift to you. You shake your head and glance at Joel before meeting his gaze again.

“Alright, we’ll leave you, ladies, to it. See ya home for dinner,” he says to Maria before kissing her softly. “Yeah. I’ve left everything simmering on the stove so just wait until I get back.”

Joel’s gaze follows you until both you and Maria are out of sight. “Alright, what the hell is goin’ on with two? And don’t say nothin, 'cause that ain’t nothin.”

Joel huffs out a breath as he stares at his brother, the crease between his brows deepening. “She’s pregnant,” He snapped.

“And you ain’t happy bout it, I take it?” Tommy asked, quickly masking the shock on his face. They continue to walk, making their way through town towards the empty bar. Joel exhales loudly as he takes a seat at the bar. “I don’t know how I feel,” he sighs as Tommy hands him a glass of whiskey.

He tips his glass in the air towards his brother before downing the golden liquid. “I never thought I’d ever be a dad again, not after…not after Sarah.”

Tommy refills his glass, taking a sip of his drink. “I know. But you’re a dad to Ellie, what's one more.” He leans across the bar, eyes focused on Joel as he picks at a beer mat. “And you love Y/N, even if you can’t admit it out loud. Joel, I’ve watched you struggle my whole life, I’ve watched you blame yourself for Sarah but guess what? It ain’t your fault. None of it is. This is your second chance at a normal life, if it were me, I’d grab it with both hands. Hell, I already did. We’re safe here. So, what’s holding you back?”

“I don’t deserve it.” He gulps back his second glass and bangs it down on the bar before standing and leaving Tommy alone.

“Stubborn ass,” Tommy shouts after him.

***

You’ve begun to show. A small bump that was barely visible from a distance but a clear sign to the people of Jackson that their community was growing.

Ellie had found out about the baby and has been practically living at your side since. Joel had told her after his night with Tommy and even though you’re not sure what exactly he told her, you’re happy it didn’t cause a rift between them.

“I hope it’s a boy,” she beams as she helps you prepare dinner. You smile at her as you cut up the potatoes. “I have a feeling it’s a girl. Call it mother’s intuition.”

“As long as I can teach them how to hunt, I’m happy with either.” You snigger and she smiles up at you, happy to see you laugh for once.

“Joel thinks it’s a girl too,” she says as she peels the carrots, her smile fading when she realises what she’s said. Her eyes drift to you and when she sees you standing still, hands shaking slightly she pales.

“M’sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to bring him up…I just….” You shake your head, placing the knife gently down on the countertop as you untie your apron. “I’m just - I’m gonna just head to the store. I completely forgot the flour for dessert.”

Rushing out the door you let your legs carry you as you try to catch your breath. He thought you were having a girl. Had he been talking about the baby to Ellie? Does he want to be a father now?

Your mind was racing with these thoughts, and you were distracted when you turned the corner. A gasped breath leaves your lungs when you see Joel laughing at something the pretty blonde woman said. Who the fuck was she?

You feel your heart shattering into little pieces and your lungs tighten as you take in the happy expression on his face. You have to get out of here, you think to yourself, but before you can move, he turns and catches your gaze.

Something flashes behind his eyes, and he starts to move towards you but you don’t want to talk to him. Can’t bear for him to tell you he’s moved on, so you run home.

The door closes behind you and you rest your head against it, willing your lungs to take the breaths you desperately need. A soft knock startles you, but you already know who it is.

“What do you want Joel?” You ask as you turn to face the wooden door. You can hear him sigh deeply from the other side. “S’not what you thought, darlin. I promise.”

“And what is it you think I thought?” You can feel a deep anger bubbling away beneath the surface of your skin.

“Please - please just let me in and we can talk.” You scoff. “Now you wanna talk. You had over a month and instead of talking to me, you completely ignored me.”

“I know, darlin’ but please, just let me say my piece and if you want nothin to do with me still, I’ll leave you alone.” That ache in your chest starts again and you find yourself torn between wanting to hear him out and telling him to fuck off.

“Fine. You have ten minutes.” You turn the handle and open the door to find him standing with his hands in his jeans pocket, head facing the ground but as soon as he hears the door open, his gaze meets yours.

“Hey.” His eyes take you in, lingering on the swell of your stomach, something he hadn’t noticed until now. His breath catches at the sight, and he wants nothing more than to reach out and touch you. He knows he can’t.

“So. You’ve moved on then?” You start as you move further into the house, Joel hot on your heels.

“What?! I ain’t moved on, no that’s - shit that’s not what that was I promise.” He sighs, running his hand down along his face. “She’s helping me with something.”

“Sure.” You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “Does she know you’re about to have a baby you want nothing to do with? That you abandoned the woman who loves you.”

“You shouldn’t love me. I’m not a good man. I ain’t good enough for you darlin. There are a lot of other men here that are far better for you than me.” His hands are at his side now and you can tell from the way he flexes them that he wants to reach out to you.

“I don’t want other men. I just want you,” you whisper. “Do you love me?”

“It’s not that simple. I - I’m scared darlin’.” His voice breaks and you can see he’s holding back tears.

“I hate to break it to you Joel, but love is fucking scary. It strips you raw to the bone and leaves you vulnerable but that’s also the beauty of it. I never thought in a million years I’d find it in this fucked up world and yet I did. I love you, Joel. I love Ellie and this baby and even Tommy and Maria and loving all of these people put me at risk of getting hurt but I love them anyway.”

You take a deep breath, eyes drifting towards the window before you meet his gaze again. “I know you’re scared. Scared to have connections, scared to love but guess what, so am I. Everyone is. But I’m willing to take the chance, are you?”

He nods as he releases a breath. His shoulders relax and the hard planes of his face soften as he shifts closer. It’s like a switch has flicked for him and he realises what an idiot he’s been.

“I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry for everything. I never meant those things I said that morning, I was just scared is all. I know that ain’t no excuse but it’s the truth.” His eyes drift to the small bump visible beneath his plaid shirt.

He wondered where that shirt had gone. He smiles softly at the idea that you’ve been wearing it this whole time. He wants to reach out and touch you. To run his hand over your bump but he doesn’t.

“Let me prove I can give you more, that I can be the kind of man who deserves you and our baby. Please darlin’,” he begs, his eyes pleading as he moves closer. You feel a swell of emotion rising in your throat, threatening to spill out and even though there’s a small part of you that still hates him for what he said that morning, an even bigger part loves him more than life itself.

Words escape you but with a simple nod of your head, he slips an arm around your waist pulling you close. The other cradles your cheek, his thumb rubs circles into your skin as he stares at you lovingly.

“I’m gonna make it up to you baby, I promise. We’re in this together, always.” A watery smile spreads across your face and his eyes drift briefly to your lips before he begins to lean in. When his lips touch yours it’s as if a spark has been lit and you can’t help the soft moan that slips out.

The kiss becomes more heated by the second and he pulls you closer, so close that you can feel the warmth from his skin seeping into you, that you can feel the evidence of his arousal against your thigh. The sound of a door closing upstairs startles you both. “It’s just me. Is it safe to come down now? I’m just gonna head to Dina’s and then you two can get back to sucking the face off each other,” Ellie calls from the hallway before she makes her way into the kitchen.

Pulling away with a laugh, Joel rests his head against yours. “So, you weren’t flirting with that woman?” You ask for the second time. He chuckles, unable to think that your jealousy is anything but cute.

“I promise you, darlin’. I was just trying to get some stuff for the baby. Was gonna gather as much as I could for a nursery at the new house and then I was gonna come to beg for forgiveness.”

You breathe a sigh of relief. Thank fuck, you think to yourself as you wind your arms around his neck. He slips his own tighter around your waist and you close your eyes and breathe him in. He smells of whiskey and citrus. He smells like home.

“What new house?” You question as you pull away slightly.

“Oh, you told her. Finally, can I come with you when you show her,” Ellie’s voice sounds from behind you and you both turn to face her.

“No kid, you got school, remember,” Joel says, his voice a little stern as he tilts his head towards the front door.

“Ugh, fine. Whatever. I’ll see you later.” She huffs out as she turns to leave. Joel turns his attention back to you and he smiles down at you as you look at him with confusion on your face.

“Come on, got somethin’ I need to show ya.” He links his hand with yours and guides you out of the house and down the street. “Where are we going?” You ask as you look around, the houses slowly fading away as he pulls you towards a small house at the edge of Jackson.

“This,” he says as he pulls you to stand in front of him. His arms slip around your waist to cradle your bump. “Is home.”

“Home?” Your voice squeaks as you take in the once-dilapidated house, now fully refurbished. He hums as he rests his head on your shoulder. “Yeah, home. Been working on this since you told me you were pregnant. Roped Tommy into helpin’ me too. It’s not much, but it’s ours. Somewhere for us to call home and be a family.”

A strangled sob escapes from your lips and he turns you in his arms, holding you close as he tilts your chin upwards. “The minute I left you that mornin’ I regretted it. Went straight to

Tommy and told him I wanted to work on this for us”, his hand moves to rest on your bump, “for our family.”

“It’s got plenty of room. Four bedrooms, a nice size kitchen and a living room. Ellie already has her stuff moved in and I think I’ve got most of the things we’ll need for the baby. Now all that’s left to do is ask if you’re willing to move in with us. With me.”

“Yes. Yeah, I’m ready.” He smiles brightly at you before capturing your lips in a searing kiss.

“Wanna see it, darlin’?” You nod your head and twine your fingers with his as he leads you inside. You gasp in awe as you take everything in. It’s beautiful. Homely. Somewhere you can picture yourself for the rest of your life.

“I love it, Joel.” He smiles, “come on, I wanna show you the nursery.” He leads you up the stairs and down the hall to the last room on the left. He holds the handle in his hand and turns to you with a smile. “Ready?”

You nod. Heart racing as he slowly opens the door, and you gasp when you see the way he has decorated it. A pale yellow adorns the walls with pictures of animals in small frames. There’s a small crib in the middle of the room and a little dresser to one side. On the other, there’s a rocking chair and a small bookshelf beside it with a few books already littering the shelves.

“Joel - Joel it’s amazing. I can’t believe you did all this. Where’d you find everything?” He stands beside you with his arm around your waist. “Found most of it on patrols. Borrowed the chair from Lauren,” he leans in close, his breath hot on your ear, “the woman you were jealous of. And I made the crib myself.”

“You made it? Oh, Joel…” you begin to cry, and he pulls you close kissing the top of your head. “Shh, baby. It’s alright. I want our little one to have the best is all.”

“Thank you. I mean it…this is amazing.” He leans in and kisses you softly. “Gotta provide for what’s mine. Now, how about I show you our room,” he teases as he quirks a brow.

You shake your head as you giggle. “Go on then.” Your new shared room is right next door and when you walk inside you take a quick look around. It looks cosy. A huge bed, two lockers and a bookshelf with some of your favourites.

Your heart swells but you don't get to dwell on it as he quickly closed the door behind him and pushed you gently onto the bed. He stood there staring, his eyes taking in the curve of your body and the swell of your stomach with hunger you’d never seen in him before, and you shuddered.

“Been thinkin’ bout this for far too long, darlin’.” He breaths raggedly, his eyes watching carefully as you begin to remove your clothing. He gulps and a strangled groan slips past his slightly rough lips as he takes in the sight of you bare, the peak of your nipples pebbling with the cool air.

He quickly shucks off his boots as he climbs up the bed towards you, his body completely covering you. His mouth finds your nipple, pulling it between his teeth and you moan loudly, fingers running through his hair.

A sudden need washed over you. A need to feel him against you. To feel his bare skin against your own as you both seek out that pleasure you’ve wanted since that last morning.

With a shaky breath, you slowly move his shirt up his body and he’s quick to help you. Pulling the shirt over his shoulders, he tosses it onto the floor and his jeans quickly follow leaving him bare. His hazel eyes stare down at you and there’s a vulnerability behind them.

You reach up wrapping your hand around his neck and you pull him into you, your lips meeting in a searing kiss. His hands grip your hips tight as he nestles himself between your thighs, careful not to crush you or the baby.

You angled your hips, urging him to sink inside you and take what he wanted. Taking himself in his hand, he notches the head of his cock at your entrance and with a roll of his hips, he sinks into your heat.

“Fuck, darlin’. So, god damn tight,” he says with a strangled groan. He begins to move, slowly at first pulling himself almost out before pushing back in.

The sound of your soft whimpers and the sight of you writhing in pleasure beneath him has him losing his fucking mind. He grabs your leg, throwing it over his hip as he begins to pound into you, the bed groaning with each thrust of his hips.

“Fuck, darlin’…I’m-I’m so close…need ya to…need ya to come first,” he groans into the skin of your neck, his teeth nipping you softly.

“Joel…. oh god I’m gonna….” You gasp as your orgasm pulses through you. He lets out a strangled groan at the feel of your cunt clenching tight around him.

His hips begin to falter and the only sounds he lets out are soft grunts as he nears his release. He rolls his hips again and again until he cums, groaning loudly as he spills inside you.

He slowly pulls out and reaches over the side of the bed to grab his tattered t-shirt, using it to clean you up. He collapses onto the bed beside you pulling you into his chest.

His fingers trace a pattern into your skin. “Ellie said you think it’s a girl.” You watch as a smile edges its way onto his face, his palm resting gently over the swell of your stomach.

“I don’t think darlin’, I know. She’s gonna be pretty like her mama. Cheeky like her big sister and she’s gonna have me wrapped around her little finger.” A hint of sadness washes over his face and you reach out to touch his cheek.

“Hey, you ok?” He smiles then, his eyes glossing over with unshed tears. “Yeah, darlin’. I’m happy it’s just…”

“You’re thinkin about Sarah.” His eyes widened. How do you always know what he’s thinkin?

“Yeah. She always wanted to be a big sister. She’d be so excited about this little one.”

“Maybe we could have Sarah be her middle name. A way to remember her big sister.” Joel smiles pulling you into him as he crashes his lips to yours. “You are amazing’ darlin, you know that? Got my whole world right here,” he says, cradling your stomach once more.

“Don’t forget about me,” Ellie shouts from her room. You both turn to look at the door. “How the hell did she come in without us knowin’?” Joel shifts to lean on his elbow. You shrug your shoulders as a small giggle escapes you.

“Think it’s funny do ya?” He begins to tickle you and you start to laugh loudly. “Are you two done? Because I’m starving.”

Joel laughs then, resting his head in the crook of your neck. “Suppose we better get up and make some dinner. Then I’m gonna rope Tommy into helpin’ me move your stuff over.”

“Sounds like a plan, Miller.” You watch as he dresses and makes for the door. He turns to face you, “better get used to that name darlin’ cause you’re gonna be a Miller soon too.” With a wink, he opens the door and makes his way downstairs leaving you alone, shocked at what he just said.

Mrs Miller. You like the sound of that.

Everything: @maievdenoir @amneris21 @hnt-escape @elegantduckturtle @harriedandharassed @jediknight122 @ayrusss @hayley-the-comet @sherala007 @alexxavicry @scorpio-marionette @donnaa @practicalghost @tanzthompson @beskarprincessjenny @littlemisspascal @icanbeyourjedi @thatpinkshirt @maryfanson @sunnshineeexoxo @misspearly1 @misspearlssideblog @athalien @its--fandom--darling @sara-alonso @doommommy @browneyes-issac @trickstersp8 @nembees @kaitieskidmore1 @mswarriorbabe80 @allthe-ships @tintinn16 @hungrhay @rosie-posie08 @manuymesut @all-the-way-down-here @iccedays @tusk89 @graciexmarvel @pedrostories @musings-of-a-rose @untitledarea @your-voice-is-mellifluous @majestyjade @avengersfan25 @angstismydrug @everythingfan @pedrosbum

#pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x female reader #joel miller smut #pedro pascal fanfiction

3K notes · View notes

juniperskye · 1 year ago

Text

Masterlist

My blog is 18+ Minors DNI. Requests are currently OPEN. I currently write for Criminal Minds, Stranger Things, The Rookie, The Last of Us, Supernatural and Marvel - I am open to other fandoms (don't be afraid to ask)!

I do not consent to having my work translated, copied or posted elsewhere. If you should see my work on another site, or being claimed by another individual, please inform me.

** Indicates Smut/Smut adjacent. Strikethrough Indicates coming soon Blue Indicates Request Red Indicates potentially triggering content

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Passenger Princess - GN Reader

Pet Names and Gentle Touches** - Fem Agent! Reader

Take A Seat** - Fem Reader

Those Were Brand New! ** - FBI! Fem Reader

Joel Miller x Reader

You'll Get What's Coming - Fem Reader

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Too Sweet. - innocent/sunshine! GN Reader

Remember That Night? - GN Reader

Begin Again - Fem Reader

Three's Company - BAU! Fem Reader

I Can't Stand You** - BAU! Fem Reader

Eddie Munson x Reader

Chewing Gum - Hair Stylist! Fem Reader

Bangin' - Hair Stylist! Fem Reader

Dean Winchester x Reader

Letters to Dean - a series of letters combined with fic chapters. (Discontinued) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

The Story of Us - Secret Relationship Fem Reader

I Almost Do - Song Fic - “I Almost Do” by Taylor Swift (Complete) Part 1 Part 2

Without You - BAU Fem Reader Secret Relationship

I never do this ** - Stranger! Fem Reader

What are the Chances? ** - Teacher! Fem Reader

Stick to What You Know. - BAU (kinda) Fem Reader

Who Are You Again? - BAU Fem Reader

The Set Up. - BAU Fem Reader Secret Relationship

I Choose You - BAU Fem Reader

Let's Start Over - Agent! Fem Reader

Let's Start Over: Finally Together - Agent! Fem Reader

She's Definitely Guilty.** - Unsub! (not) Fem Reader

That'll Show Them - Single Mom! Reader

I Can't Do This - BAU Fem Reader

You're Not Alone In This - Diabetic! Fem Reader

Joel Miller X Reader

Silence is Louder Than Words - Fem Reader

Bucky Barnes x Reader

I’ll do things right this time. ** - Avenger! Fem Reader

John Nolan x Reader

Until I Found You - Fem Reader - Meet Cute

Eddie Munson x Reader

Why Are You In My Head? - Soulmate AU (Complete) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4** Part 5

Expectations - Single mom Henderson! Reader (Unplanned Pregnancy)

I Can't Be Your Friend. - Fem Reader (friends to lovers)

Like I Talk To Myself. - Fem Reader

It Had to be You. - Fem Reader (lovers to enemies to lovers)

170 notes · View notes

rise-my-angel · 2 years ago

Text

Bleeding From The Heart

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 8.3k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, mentions of unplanned pregnancy (not a pregnancy or pregnant reader fic), implied miscarriage, coerced lying, unhealthy consumption of alcohol, semi ambiguous romance, smut, oral (m receiving), p in v

Notes: Takes place in in the Boston QZ an unspecified amount of time after Tommy leaves, not a pregnancy fic but conversations about it as well as implied miscarriages are involved, reader knows about Sarah which influences their actions somewhat

This shouldn’t have felt like such a painfully long time, but for you? Two days was an eternity. Hours you had spent keeping your eyes down on one task at a time, and engaging with anything else would be a temptation. So you kept silent, and distant, but so did he. A painful quiet that even for you both, was unusual and isolating. The threat of worry loomed over you. If Joel really was ignoring you, was it because this was his way of cutting your association loose or did he know, and his refusal to speak to you a punishment?

Ironically, the burning bodies and onslaught of smoke likely would have brought you to the very same spot anyways. Something toxifying your insides and destroying what was there, perhaps just over a longer period of time. At least now the sheer amount of smoke in your eyes could explain away the pain just behind them.

Luckily, you were ahead of him to get paid out. Question of being left alone died as you felt his dark eyes in the back of your head. Judging by the mutterings behind you, you’d guess maybe seven other people between your positions meaning you’d likely turn down enough side streets to disappear in time. Joel, still stuck in line, tried calling your name as soon as you had the cards in your hand. He wouldn’t make a scene though, so the speed in which you walked off without sparing a glance did the trick.

A grey sky loomed over the city, almost like sun was no longer welcome here. It had rained, clouded over, rained more, and continued to sit covered and grey once it dried off for so long the winter cold may as well roll in to follow the atmosphere. As the later part of the day broke, there was time for people to mill about. Free to finally talk and do as they please, to an extent, yet not a bone in your body felt like you could speak.

By nightfall, fourty eight hours would have passed and mark the second night in a row your apartment finally held use in years. You spent the first night in the infirmary, but by the next night you felt so drained and exhausted that you held only enough sense to lock the door before collapsing onto the couch.

Twisting through the group of people around the front of the building, you decided that you truly did hate being back in here. The walls so much thinner, and the disrepair slightly worse then what you had gotten used to in Joel’s building. Conversations muffled creeped in and faded back as you approached the end of the hallway.

What did it even look liken in there? Oversleeping that very morning, you dashed out the door as quick as you passed out walking in. A deep sigh exhaled from your chest, the green paint dark and almost grey looking like it was ready to peel off your only sight. Hand reaching to your jacket pocket, you rummaged to find your key.

Lost in it’s depth you could feel it’s weight but not it’s touch. Your hands searched more desperate as an unreasonable choking filled your lungs and pushed a sting to your eyes. This was stupid, just grab the key. The building’s hallway served a poor choice of location for breakdown but mocked you still further when you finally pulled the small metal out.

Two keys. Right. You had two keys, the one you had been digging for the less used of the pair. Forehead dropping to the door, you sighed again as you unlocked it. Wondering how to even give the spare back to him, your eyes had been dragging along the creaky floor as you walked in.

Closing the door behind you loudly making the figure already standing in your place turn suddenly. A strike of fear flashing through only to sizzle out into an embarrassed frustration. “Good day?”

Turning away from her you tossed the keys onto your table, jaw clenching at the very sound of her voice now. Not even giving her the grace of facing her properly you just started pulling your jacket off to add to the pile. “Get out.”

You didn’t have to look at her to know the kind of expression on her face, and you hated that you could even hear the smug tone along with what you couldn’t see. “Now, hey I’m just here to check up on you-”

Finally turning, your voice found the will power for what amounted to a loud inside voice rather then anything intimidating or close to yelling. “I said get out, Tess.” Eyes narrowing at the clearly fake taken back expression and raising her hands in defence, yet she still paced casually around your place.

“Fine, not in the mood to chat. I’ll get to the point.” Planting her feet to face you, but she didn’t come closer than a few meters. “You say anything to him? Saw you had work duty together, doesn’t seem like the best time for that conversation but it sure would give you the opportunity.”

Fingers flexed and unflexed in place. Your mouth trying to form words as the rest or body shifted nervously until you crossed your arms in front of your chest. “No, I didn’t tell him.” Tess’s head tilted to the side as she eyed you untrustingly as the intimidation of your face fell every second. “I promise. I didn’t say anything, or even talk to him. Just like you said.”

“Good.” Making her way to the door, you both circled around a wide space to keep away from the other, though you had no idea what she had to lose by standing near you. You weren’t the one who all but threw her into a wall and got in her face. You’d never been aggressive like that, yet she had no qualms about doing it to you the morning you got out.

Shrugging you wondered if you should have just given her the spare key and save you the trouble. But you had a feeling that asking Tess to hand Joel’s key back to him for you would make it all the more humiliating, and she made you feel that enough the past few days. “Okay. So, can you leave?”

Inhaling deep, she looked around the place and it just made that all the worse. Considering her apartment was far nicer than Joel’s this must be a complete joke in her eyes. “Still pretty empty in here, wonder how much of your shit you’ve dumped at Joel’s to make your place this bare.” The bite in her voice came quite close to making you flinch.

What was there to say? She was right. Most of what was even useful was still at his apartment because until now it was never an issue. Or maybe it was, and Tess was just a mouthpiece of voice his grievances. Rationally that was unlikely, but still. So much of your life was still there, and not alone in yours.

The largest part of your mind was going to let her walk away, but something sharp poked at you that blurted it out as if you had any bravery to back it up. “He know you’re trying to control his life, or do you just not want me talking to him in case he finds you’re doing it?”

Her eyes threw daggers at you, but nothing was said beyond you. She simply turned and left, the door slamming shut behind her far harder then you did entering. Whatever muffled noise in the building around you had been making, fell eerily silent to the nervous ringing in your ears.

You hated that she was right. It was so empty in here, and the echo of your shoes against the wood had little to absorb the sound, and just bounced off each surface loudly as you locked your door again. It hit you in that second though, was she snooping around in here? How long was she waiting for you or was confronting you just a cover for having walked in on her own break in?

Darting into your small washroom, you pulled your sink drawer out. Hands scrambling to find the little opening that hid the underside compartment, you accidentally knocked things around both in their places and off the sink counter itself as it jostled them. The black hole sat at the back of it and finally you pulled it off, carelessly tossing the top contents into the sink basin as you scanned.

Everything in it’s place. Nothing moved or touched, of course the possibility that she found your hidden space and simply put things back perfectly was there. But, if you knew Tess, and you unfortunately did, she wouldn’t have been able to resist poking through the evidence. The small plastic bag right in the corner still had a fair few amount of pills for some reason flickered a spark of amusement.

Joel just grabbing yanking you towards him with a roll of his eyes, and shoving the much more full bag at the time in your jeans. His voice deep and muttering, “Going to put me out of business at this rate, sweetheart.” a raise of your eyebrows pulled more of a smirk back out onto his face. “Stealing half my supplies like this.”

You meant to give the bag back, but over a day later you found yourself on the ground in enough pain even nearby FEDRA officers seemed to take pity on you. Your memory however faded as you retraced putting the pieces together. They weren’t strong or anything, just mild painkillers after Joel noticed you trying to hide a wince one too many times in a day at whatever feeling was making you uncomfortable.

But hey, at least they didn’t cause it. The only upside to any of this, and yet it just made your eyes sting more. That stupid interaction was two days ago now, and even with how much you missed him around you still had taken off on him today. Let him call after you knowing he couldn’t just skip getting paid to ask why you were being so awful.

The tears behind your eyes threatened to fall once more, heating your insides until they shook and begged to lash out. You had no right to feel like this. You didn’t know, it wouldn’t have happened, and Joel would have likely kicked you to the curb for it anyways. Tess certainly thought so. Tried to reason with you at first, “If I’ve never heard him talk about that shit, he’s not going to change his mind just because it’s you.”

You had tried to reason with her, “That’s not- I didn’t mean I’d guilt him into,” It was still too fresh and a shock to pull your thoughts together. “I meant it feels wrong to just keep this from him.”

She tied to look at you with sympathy, but it aired closer to pity and read just like annoyance. “You know what he’s like. I’m trying to help you, here. It’ll be better for both of you if you just shut your mouth about it.” When you tried to protest, that's when she got aggressive.

You slammed the drawer shut, spilling more things onto the floor with the shake. Not even registering that you didn’t put the main shelf back in place. All you could focus on was turning the light off, pressing your palms into your eyes and wipe away what kept wanting to fall.

More than once that evening you looked up to nothing, turning to see a place you didn’t live in and someone who you felt guilty for putting in this situation. You thought you knew Joel, but maybe it was just delusion. The wish to know someone who made this city feel like home.

Currently, your back sat against one of your walls, scraps in front of you trying to draw something coherent through the mess of lines, but honestly your rough sketches looked even more rough that night. The steadily depleting moonshine next to you, helped that cause none. Your face scrunched with every sip, the bitterness never getting better even the more intoxicated it made you.

Truly a drink everyone made to just drain your blood with until you passed out, considering there was never a taste there to enjoy. You had been trying to draw Joel before all of this, struggling to decide at what angle until you one evening watched his profile from the dim moonlight by a window. A serene beauty which never left you, even now.

But the shakes of your fingers and warped image of disappointment or hate in his eyes taunted you and made a mess of the work. Looks he never had given you, but you knew them all too well and being on the receiving end only made your blistered mind scribble the distortion more.

You didn’t know when you passed out, only that it was late enough the orange glow of your light was the only source keeping the place from the dark. Something deep in you might have registered the clink of the bottle and sounds of something spilling but your head just fell into your arms. Knees bent towards you to act as support, while dreams painted around you until the only thing left, was your unconscious mind.

It was hard to remember in the slow, creeping exhaustion of waking up, but through the drowsiness you attempted to put the pieces together. Why you had been dreaming of Bill and Frank’s wasn’t really that clear, but maybe if you squeezed your eyes close once more it would come back to you.

It was a couple years ago when you met them properly. A couple that seemed to block off an entire street for themselves and traps laid about the perimeter either attached to sensors or locked onto a surveillance system. Were the surrounding fence not electrically wired, you might have thought it was some normal gated community. Houses painted, a few store fronts that looked straight out of the old world beside other abandoned ones that looked to be filled with storage.

You heard the names, and Joel speaking to them over the radio as they planned out a meeting over trade. Frank was the one you had heard, a light tone and cheerful disposition that in no way prepared you for how joyful and normal the man was in person. Bill was described to you as much less social.

A paranoid doomsday survivalist that set up the whole thing as soon as the military had evacuated the areas. If the way Joel described him was accurate, he was a similar albeit much less approachable version of him in a way. To the point where he had specifically told Frank to mention you were coming with him instead of showing up with you, a surprise.

They were nice, well. Frank was, he looked even more normal than he sounded. Bright eyes and an easy smile or laugh as if the gates around him allowed him to tap into a long forgotten human feeling. If the outside was nice, you were not prepared for the meal they served. Even before all of this, you don’t think you had food or place settings as fancy as this.

It had been Frank that said something to you. The pair of you walking down the length of the street as he walked you through the layout, your eyes squinting from the sun and arms crossed in front of you while he proudly showed off what they’d managed to do. “Bill had things up and running when we met. It was, what? Four years into things by the time I got here so he had it all set up, but it definitely didn’t feel quite like a home until we met Joel.”

You glanced over to the main house where he and Bill were going over things, Bill’s posture stiff and awkward and Joel’s back slightly hunched with his hands on his hips. “Can’t imagine Bill was an easy sell on that partnership.”

Frank laughed, “Oh, god no. Hell we argued over even bringing anyone here in the first place, but it all worked out in the end.” You had nodded, trying not to glance back again. Which had you miss how often Joel blatantly looked over to where you two were with sharp, watchful eyes.

Your nails tapped against your arm the further you went. If you were being honest with yourself, you were beginning to feel rather nervous that you were supposed to be negotiating something. Joel hadn’t exactly given you a rundown to how this worked or what you even were allowed to offer or ask for in exchange. “So-”

“How long have you been with Joel?”

Always quick on the draw, Frank was. Shrugging you kept your eyes on the flourishing plant life they maintained around the properties. “Just recently. I figured it was pretty obvious this is my first run, not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing yet.”

Oh how you missed the bemused head shake, “You know he mentioned that he was bringing you, not a new partner. I think it’s safe to assume no one’s expecting you to start bartering deals. Joel’s stubborn as hell, pretty sure he can handle that on his own.” You remember frowning but not quite the emotion that stirred into your chest to cause it. It was visible enough however that Frank picked up on it.

“We’ve known Joel for a long time now. Usually he’d swap out partners between Tess or Tommy but either way they were clearly on equal footing as traders.” You didn’t dare glance at him or behind you this time, but once again Frank seemed to know where your head was. “I also don’t think I’ve ever seen him make any kind of physical contact outside of a handshake before.”

Your brain perked up at that thought in a manner you didn’t quite recognize though. That was the opposite of the way Joel was with you, even just here. A hand on your lower back, pulling you over somewhere or out of the way by the waist or hip. Even at the table Bill had made some remark about distrusting strangers, only for you to feel Joel’s large hand squeeze your thigh as he tried to even the temper in his voice. And that was just here, Frank didn’t know about how much more magnified that behaviour was in Boston.

But you weren’t quite ready to approach that topic. “It’s just because it’s my first time out since I got to the QZ is all. He’s just being...cautious. That’s all.” Frank didn’t believe that and neither did you. “He’s like that with anyone he cares about.”

Frank chuckled. “Yeah, I remember the last time Bill whispered into someone’s ear just because he cares about them.” You felt your body flush in memory. Bill had been a little more aggressive when you two had arrived, and Joel had leaned his mouth close to your ear. Shivers rippling down your spine at how deep it felt, telling you it was okay, that he wouldn’t let anyone touch you.

“Hey, we don’t know what his relationship in private is like with Tommy.” Frank laughed pretty loud at that one. Which for some reason, made you a little proud of yourself. Bill was a hard sell but something inside you was happy Frank seemed to like you.

It was what he said next though that your dreaming mind seemed to be recalling the most. You both stood at the end of the street, both facing each other while your heads turned to look at your respective companions. “I’ve seen that man argue with Tess more than he has Bill, and I’ve also seen him touch you more today then the total amount of times I’ve seen Joel period. Would you tell me I’m wrong if I guessed he’s even more protective of you back in Boston then he is here?”

At that point you stuttered for an answer before Joel had called your name, beckoning you to come back. But your mind dragged you from the depths of sleep at that point. The mild sounds of moving coming from your apartment mixing with the heavy weight of your eyes unwilling to open.

Slowly blinking enough to see a blurry mess of colours, you reached up to rub at your eyes just as a pounding headache hit you. The images slowly working their way into focus, you begin slowly sitting up like your muscles had been thrown off a cliff. On the bedside table in front of you, sat a glass of water a single painkiller which really should have clued you in, but it didn’t.

Luckily you managed to swallow it and the pill down fine, whatever nauseous inclinations you may have gotten didn’t exist that morning. Just a pain in your head like a migraine and a weight in your stomach that in actually, was uncomfortably empty. A clink of a plate being sat down on wood caught your attention. Head turning to the side to see the one tall, broad person you tried to avoid.

Joel didn’t bombard you right away, just glance up to see you were awake and then walked back into your petty excuse of a kitchen behind him. Grabbing something and shoving it into his pocket out of your vision.

Painfully quiet, you sat down at the table to see a small plate of easy food that no doubt, he made specifically anticipating your hangover. His brows were narrowed as he sat down on the spot next to you. His hair was slicked back, still wet and highlighting the greys beautifully in the dull morning light shining in from your window. As you opened your mouth, he shook his head. Jaw set, he pointed to your plate. “Eat. You’re not going to feel any better with only half a bottle of moonshine in your stomach.”

His voice was rough, but tinted in a softness that felt so familiar. His Texan accent always so much stronger this early in the morning to the point it almost sounded like he was just slurring his words together. It should have made you feel warm, but it just poked sharply at your insides. You were supposed to avoid him, but here he was, across the table from you early in the morning like so many others between you.

Only the fact that you were still indeed, in your place and not waking up in his reminded you just how badly you screwed everything up. You barley made it past a few bites before trying to ease the tension in the air. “I would’ve just met you at the site, you didn’t need to stop by this early.”

Joel stared at you with his eyes dark and hidden in thought. Narrowed brows as he chewed, not looking away as he swallowed his bite to reply. “Got here around midnight. You’d been passed out for only an hour, maybe two by that point.”

You gave him a similar suspicious look in return. “You snuck out the middle of the night just to stop by?”

Perhaps the hangover and the overwhelming lurch in your mind fro the past few days spat your tone out just a bit more upset or judgmental then you wanted. A tone you almost never gave him, and one he did not at all appreciate coming from you.

His face twisted in irritation, “You don’t come home for three nights in a row and you don’t think I was going to find out why? At least last night you were actually asleep in a bed when I came over, didn’t think last night I was going to walk in on you drunk off your ass and passed out on the floor.”

Looking behind him you could see the bottle on the counter, empty and clean. There was no trace of it when you walked by where you fell asleep, so either you knocked it all over and he cleaned it up, or he dumped the rest of it. “I mean it’s my apartment, what does it matter where I fall asleep?”

Joel’s jaw was so tense that if you had been feeding him rocks, he could’ve chomped right though them with the kind of aggressive bite he was eating with. Barley making his way across his plate faster then you were. “It matters when you’re so drunk you didn’t even stir when I picked you up.” You tried to argue back but you had not the words to speak or energy to talk over him. “Listen, I’m not in the mood to argue, sweetheart. Least of all with you, so let’s cut to the chase. Where the fuck were you three nights ago? Because I stopped by here and you sure as hell weren’t.”

You hadn’t come up with an excuse yet, as stupid and unprepared as that sounded. Tess was pissed off with you the morning you got out of the infirmary and she didn’t even have anything to do with it. So what would Joel have to say about it? Clearly she told you to stay away from him for a reason, yet as you sat across from his harsh stare you found yourself realizing how stupid it was to think Joel would let you just walk away in silence.

You had been quiet for too long, he’d know whatever you say would have been made up. So, he leaned back and reached into his pocket to take matters into his own hands. His eyes squinting at you as he was doing so. “You know you’re shower has shit water pressure.”

Head tilting to the side slightly in confusion, you saw as whatever he was grabbing now sat just under your view of the table in his hand. “Yeah, it used to be way to hard so I tried adjusting it but now it’s too light, but usually I’m not around enough to care-”

He used your shower. Went into your washroom at some point before you woke up to shower. The washroom where you didn’t at all clean anything up before you drowned your thoughts into an old bottle. Joel had caught you, a spider stalking towards your prey caught in his tight web. “Sure as hell didn’t expect to see this when I was putting your stuff back.”

Finally tossing onto the table the evidence. Two main pieces that had been the source of your drinking endeavour. Both of them were from that night FEDRA took you to see the doctor. To a casual onlooker one looked far more incriminating then the other, but no doubt if Joel had been here all night? And judging by how much more folded and refolded the report looked? Joel read it more then enough times to know it was the updated story you were hiding.

But the first one mocked you as much as it did when the doctor made you do it. “I need to be sure, you can test positive for weeks after the fact. We can confirm with an ultrasound but I’d rather be sure what we’re dealing with before we jump to such a privilege.” Not the best bedside manner, the doctor you had dealt with.

You took it then, and it was answer enough to bring you to a slightly better shape room with actual machines for once. He let you keep it and now you wished you let him dispose of it. The two pink positive lines shocked you then and it slapped you in the face now.

You had no idea, and by the time you found out it was already behind you. For some reason, the only thing you could do was focus on the prior, as if that’s the part Joel would hate you for the most considering that’s the reasoning you listened to Tess for. “I didn’t...I had no- the doctor just told me to take it.”

Joel slightly held his hand out to you as his forearm rested on the table, completely taken back almost like he was offended. “The doctor?”

Nodding, you felt a tightening inside your chest as the panic held your breathing hostage. “I was on the ground, some FEDRA guy took me to medical but I didn’t know, Joel.” His lips were parted slightly and he was entirely unreadable, only causing your mouth to overcompensate. “The painkillers weren’t making me feel any better, and I don’t know it just felt like it started hurting so badly out of nowhere and the doctor made me take the test to be sure.”

If it was panic before, the lightness filled with a distant heartbreak in Joel’s whisper pulled away that feeling from you and replaced with stinging behind your eyes that fell into tears. “You were pregnant?”

He almost sounded betrayed, you wanted him to be mad not whatever this was. Not the replacement of anger in favour of this lost, far away reminder of grief. A grief whispered in his own tearful sorrows you once promised never to exploit. “I didn’t know, I swear. I never tried to, or wanted- I wouldn’t do that, Joel okay don’t.. I never wanted to hurt you like that.”

You dropped all pretenses of eating, arms pulling back to wrap around your stomach like the tears were filling your stomach. Maybe you would throw up afterall but not from the alcohol. “But I’m not, okay? I wasn’t supposed to tell you, and I didn’t want you to think I was trying to use it against your either. I should have just thrown them out.”

You tried reaching for the report, the one which laid out in pretty clear but frustratingly medical detail that you had likely been no more than two weeks along. That the cause was suspected to be a combination of high stress and harsh physical labour, which made the process more painful then it normally might have been. Joel however, snatched it from you first. The paper scrunching in his fist as he looked at you with less tear filled pain. “That’s why you didn’t come home.”

Tone restrained and his muscles so tense you could see veins in some places of his arm. “It was after curfew when we were done so he just kept me there until morning.” You couldn’t even look at him, you didn’t know what he was thinking even less then you normally might not be able too.

Whispered and almost angry this time, you were glad you weren’t looking at the returning rage. “And they just let you go to fucking work after that. Sun comes up and FEDRA just tells you to go drag bodies around a fire pit for nine hours.”

You could barley rise more then a murmur. Wishing you could just walk out that door and go to work detail again, a place where they’d yell at you for talking too much just so you could avoid watching this thing between you both destroy itself before your eyes. But Joel would just yank you back inside if you dared tried to leave now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out.”

Pushing himself out of the chair, Joel turned away from you. His hand still fisting the paper even as he leans against the top of your counter. Legs bent back slightly, and pathetically enough as you looked at him from this angle? You recalled the soft moments between you in his place. His soft stomach in just the right angle where you could feel it pressing against your back as his lips usually trailed up your neck until demanded you lean back to kiss him.

Joel’s eyes currently sat closed, taking deep breaths through his nose before pushing up and turning to you. “Why would you hide this from me? Do you really think I’d want you to go through this by yourself?”

You couldn’t convince yourself to stand up. If you did, you’d either try to find comfort in arms that would now turn you away, or you’d run out the door and make it worse. Turning in place, you fidgeted until one of your legs sat partially under you as both your hands dug nails into the other. He sounded so angry, and you just didn’t want to lie anymore. “Tess said it wouldn’t be a good idea.”

There was no way for you to know the swirling anger inside at the moment. Joel wasn’t stupid, he knew you far too well to be fooled. He would bet a lot on you deciding not to tell him, because of what he’s told you of Sarah. That you’d be worried that you were trying to hurt him, or somehow by being pregnant he’d assume you were trying to force him to move on. He had no idea what you two would have done if you were still pregnant, but you’d never push him about Sarah.

Tess on the other hand knew nothing about Sarah. Sure, they’d been friends for over a decade by that point, she likely had her own ideas of why he was the way he was but she wouldn’t tell you to keep this from him for the reasons you would. No, he knew why Tess told you that, and he’d have more than a few words to confront her with over that.

But if he had to be clear with her, he was going to be clear with you too. “I need you to listen to me, alright?” Your head rising up, you could see one hand on his hip and the other hovering out in front of him as if guiding your attention to him. His face was stern, much like the glaring expression he gave many but there was still an underlying you couldn’t determine.

“This is between you and me. Not Tess, not this fucking doctor,” His hand flexing around the paper still balled up. “We didn’t get to where we are by lying to each other, sweetheart. And this? This is the last thing you should be dealing with on your own.”

Your heart racing, you slowly stood from your seat without untangling your arms from one another. A few feet still between you and Joel once making your way around the table, you knew what you wanted but it didn’t drop the guilt. “I know. I- I’m sorry. I should have been more careful.”

His dark eyes rising into the air almost reeling from his internal thoughts and coming back down to look at you softer. Not quite closing the distance, but Joel took a few more steps to lessen the gap as you continued. “I don’t know if you even want to now, but it’ll never happen again. Id be way more careful this time.”

His large stature came above you as he closed the gap, one hand shoving the paper in his pocket before smoothing both palms down your upper arms. “Last time I checked, you didn’t get pregnant all by yourself. Part of this is my responsibility too.”

Still not having the bravery to look him in the eye, you still leaned into his his chest just enough to get more of his comforting warmth. “Do you still want me to move my stuff out of your place?”

Joel sighed, rolling his eyes before pulling you into him completely. Your arms wrapped around his waist instantly. Inhaling his rich scent as you shuddered from one of his hands around your lower back and the other slinking up to hold you gently at the back of your neck. “I don’t even know where you got that idea. You’re not going anywhere except moving your ass back in with me. Bed’s fucking lonely without you.”

The sudden laugh bursting from you was tinted with a choking cry, but Joel didn’t let it fester. Both of you stood in your apartment, keeping the other close, as Joel traced his nose across the top of your head. You didn’t quite cry in his arms, but your heart was in enough scattered places that Joel refused to leave you.

Not sure how much time had passed, Joel pressed his lips into your hair, “Here’s what we’re going to do. Have a shower, get to the site and for once neither of us are putting our names in for something tomorrow, okay? You need to take it easy, and not by yourself.”

You nodded into his chest, pulling back to look up at him as best you could in his hold. “Are we still...”

Joel just nodded, a faint smile on his lips before he pulled your head into his. Pressing his lips to yours he was only gentle. Not rare, but a less common kind of soft way to kiss you typically. Never deepening, but he kept going back in for slightly more after thinking he was done.

At one point tracing his nose down the length of yours, pressing his forehead to you. “Yeah, we are. Besides, I don’t think we’ve spent more than twenty four hours apart until now. Losing my mind with out around.”

Sharing one last kiss, you both actually smiled into it behind the complex pain in your hearts. To your surprise, as you got into the shower you found Joel undressing as well. “Didn’t you already-”

Pushing you forward with a flat expression, Joel just climbed into the shower behind you. Reaching beside you to raise the temperature just a bit lower then you set it. “I’d like to still have nerve endings after this.”

Joel didn’t keep you pressed back against him for long, turning you in his arms so you could lean back and run your hair through the water before he leaned over you to do the same. Running a hand over his eyes to wipe the water away, Joel nodded for you to grab the shampoo behind you.

Like something clicked inside of him, Joel felt greedy much like this usually went on a good day. He snatched it from your hands and before you could turn around, started to run his now lathered up fingers through your hair. Giving you the same, albeit a bit rougher, treatment you did with his normally.

Scratching through your scalp and running over it firmly like a massage. The sensation vibrating in your chest as how unfairly kind his hands were to you, despite all you’ve seen them do to others. Soft pleasure filled your bloodstream, more relaxed then the past few days had been you could have fallen asleep were it not for Joel there to silently turn you again.

Just moving you like a rag doll the way he needed you to be. As you shut your eyes you ran your own hands through your hair to rinse it all out, unable to replicate the same gentle massage Joel had just done. As you did so, Joel started to run over more of your body.

Lathering soap in his hands to wash your skin himself, happy to go back and gather more soap multiple times if it meant being granted more to his greedy touch. Opening your eyes you didn’t meet his gaze, but watching his brown eyes trapped on your body. Palms running over your stomach and across to your hips, neither of you said anything Joel briefly trailed his thumb back. Running over your stomach again unable to look away like he was entranced.

Snapping out of it only at the gentle tap of your fingertips up his broad chest. Your own thumb running over where you could feel his heart beating a bit faster. Whatever thought was behind his mind, now wouldn’t be the right time to think on it.

None of his touch pushed you even as he knelt down in front of you, running his soap covered hands over your legs. They did linger a few seconds longer when running them over your ass but he just continued his path as if he wasn’t also naked, and could hide his cock twitch slightly between his legs.

Joel didn’t want to hear an apology, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t give it to him another way. It doesn’t matter how you feel, or what he says matters. It was still you who put him through this, and you who took the advice to stay away from him.

Meaning, you needed to show him remorse in some other way. Joel had taken a shower before, but you still returned the pretenses of washing his body in return. You both enjoyed the quiet pattering of shower water against the tiles, so whatever he would have protested was left to fall down the drain.

It took you longer, he was tall, large and your touch was more gentle and slow then his consumed with a boyish greed. You left two places for last. Starting with his upper back, you dug your thumbs and fingers into his muscles.

A moan leaving Joel’s mouth, you pressed harder and got another graced to your ears. A pattern emerged, you’d smooth your palms over his back, press in when you got to your destination and smooth blackout to another spot and do the same. The constant tensity in his shoulders deflating a bit, you guided him to turn back to you.

You left one for last, knowing he would try and dissuade you, but the small massage to his muscles did the trick. His lips parted slightly and breathing heavier as his cock sat now half hard. Joel tilted your chin up with his fingers as he narrowed his eyes playfully.

Taking them into your hand, you pressed a kiss to his palm. The playful look replaced with a yearning that only grew darker as you dropped to your knees.

In the back of Joel’s mind he shouldn’t have let you, but christ did you tempt him all too much. Taking his cock into your soft, small hand and running up and down. Grip nowhere near as tight as he wanted, or even needed but made him feel tingling from shocks and nerves.

A slow jerk back and forth, interrupted when he looked down to your bright eyes watching him with not lust, but adoration did you take him into your mouth. Right away he groaned, hand gripping the back of your hair as you slowly sucked and licked the top of his cock.

He wasn’t even fully hard, but that’s what you wanted. Taking your time to sink further along his cock, you felt him grow harder right in your mouth. Eyes slamming shut, the more he filled you the more overwhelming it was. You could sink deeper into him when he was softer, but now that deepness was so much further along your mouth as he was at full size.

Mouth stretched wide and saliva disguised mostly by the running water you sucked him gently. Not moving far back down his cock, you took him half an inch more each time, until moved to rest your hands on his hips and squeezed. Joel read your ask and delivered.

Tightening his grip enough, Joel pushed you the rest of the way and pressed your nose up against the dark coarse hair at the base of his cock. “Oh fuck, that’s my sweet girl,” trying to soak his cock inside your mouth as much as you could and how far deep he kept you just made your own mess add to it.

You whined at the holding pressure, as your own clit asked for attention. But not yet, no you asked for this and Joel needed it. He kept you deep and deliriously far along his cock until your mouth was full of saliva and his precum.

Finally, he let you go at your pace, hand still on you. Even in the shower, you slid more of his cock in and out of your mouth sloppy and wet. Barley needing to hold him or stroke what you couldn’t reach as you licked and sucked him to babble. “I’m not, fuck, baby- I’m not cumming in your mouth sweet, girl.”

You felt him start to throb, and shyly you reached down between your legs to rub your clit. Moaning around his cock, Joel’s chest heaved the closer you made him. What didn’t last long though, was being able to run your fingers over your clit. Because as soon as Joel saw, that game was all over.

He pulled you off his cock roughly, watching you gasp for air as the sloppy mess soaked from your swollen lips. As you got to your feet, Joel turned and pressed you right against the wall, no space between your bodies. “Tell me this is a bad idea, sweetheart.”

Gripping his cock he ran it through your legs. Up and down his tip against your clit and sliding back so much of him pushing close to slipping inside you before running back up. “Tell me to cum anywhere but inside you sweetheart, but I’m really fucking close to filling this pussy right back up until you’re stuffed full of a my cum.”

You helped his resolve, none. Leaning your head back against his shoulder “Anywhere you want, Joel. Please, you can do anything with me, anything you want.” Practically snarling, Joel gripped the back of your neck and pushed you forward into the wall. Leaning his head against the back of yours he shoved his cock deep inside with one push.

Soaked and tight, Joel sunk deep with no resistance. He always did, “Pussy made to fit my cock and only my cock isn’t that right, baby?” You nodded and whined yes, and Joel’s teeth grit together as he thrusted into you.

His hips smacking against your ass, barley able to hear the slap of skin over top the water made him fuck you harder just to make that slapping echo. Your ass cheeks jiggled from the force and Joel drifted a hand around your front to hold you at your lower stomach. Palm pressed flat he pushed you back onto him, “Rub your clit just like before, show me how good I feel.”

Your touch was nothing like how his cock pounded into you, but the pressure of his palm, the sparks of pleasure from rubbing your clit and the coil twisting inside you from his cock all had you gasping for air that didn’t exist. It belonged to Joel, it all belonged Joel as you willingly handed all control to him with nothing but an intensive trust.

Your orgasms were quick to come upon both of you. You clenched hard around his cock as your orgasm snapped inside. Your back arching into his chest and his arm now wrapping around you totally and pinning you to him as he shallowly thrusted quickly into you.

He panted in your ear as you moaned his name, “Fuck, oh baby, fuck you’re going to make me cum.” You felt him throb inside you, before your own still spasaming orgasm clenched around too hard and made Joel cum too.

Small thrusts each spurt of his cum making you whine. His cum was warm and spilled deep inside of you as he snarled into your neck and bit down to keep himself together. Once your pussy milked his cock for as much cum as he had to offer, you both stayed just like that.

His cock softer, but still deep and keeping him from spilling out and his head in your neck. Your hand holding the one around your stomach and the other reached back to run gently through his wet hair as your eyes were shut too.

Soon you’d have to get out, you were one late arrival away from going into lockup and despite joking that fucking Joel to get there would be worth it, his narrowed expression would have him spark into motion and get you both there on time.

He had things to do, both of you grappling with it coming on three weeks since you’d both heard from Tommy. Joel having more than a few very pissed off words about Tess sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, and at some point he might let himself stop and think about today. You wouldn’t push him, and he bordered on a very difficult emotion and word at how much it meant to him that even after all this you could only think of his pain. Even if it meant feeling more for you.

Joel had you live with him so soon after you both met, sleep with you in his arms in his bed, and spent far too many of both your waking hours together to pretend this wasn’t what it is. This was more then whatever he or you told people, and Joel was finally starting to realize.

His hand tracing over your stomach and the heartbreak at how you wanted to spare him but deal with this all alone. And the strange feeling in his gut, at how the same day all of this came out, Joel still couldn’t help but spill himself deep inside you all over again.

Until you both needed to get ready, you leaned into the other. Joel’s hand tracing over your stomach, and your head turning slightly so he could lean his head into you closer.

Frank would have a field day if he knew this was how you and Joel spent your time together.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller/reader #joel miller/you #joel miller/female reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfiction

395 notes · View notes

lincolndjarin · 10 months ago

Text

socials, etc. .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ao3 ☆ insta ☆ kofi mdni, my entire blog is 18+ please read all tags and warnings, dddne fics are tagged accordingly follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for fic updates

navigation :

I - series, completed & ongoing

II - one off's

III - drabbles

I - series (in order of release)

Best Kept Secret [ completed series ] .𖥔 ݁ ˖ 195k words

bodyguard!Din Djarin x princess!reader

summary : Married off to a prince on a planet that you hate? New husband doesn't know you, and doesn't want to know you? New husband gifts you a personal Mandalorian body guard as a wedding present? Mandalorian is a wiseass who won't leave you alone? Lucky you.

tags: : enemies to friends to lovers, arranged marriage, forbidden love, smut, angst, canon-typical violence, eventual happy ending

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Oh Honey [ completed series] .𖥔 ݁ ˖ 56k words

monster!Joel Miller x mortician!reader

summary : you’ve been given a gift. a fresh start in a brand new place, the sleepy little town of Honey, WV. a distant aunt has passed away and left you a little plot of land and her camper, the stars must be aligning for you because the local mortician is looking for an assistant and you’re desperate for the work experience. your new employer even offers to set you up with her brother-in-law! things are looking up, you’ve got a brand new home, a new town, a hot date, (and thanks to a series of bear attacks that started immediately after your arrival) you have more than enough work to keep you busy!

tags: : horror/mystery, angst, monster fucker, soulmates au, graphic descriptions of violence, body horror, gore

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Bewitched [ coming soon ]

Din Djarin x witch!reader

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Every Now and Then [ HIATUS]

Joel Miller x f!reader

summary : Joel Miller destroyed you. He loved you, then he left, leaving you in the New York City, QZ. But he's a good southern gentleman, so of course he didn't leave you without a reminder of the time you spent together. Four years later you're living in Jackson, in a lovely little ranch house. (With your reminder.) The last person you want to see is Joel Miller, unfortunately you've never been particularly lucky.

tags: : angst, toxic relationships, unplanned pregnancy, possessive behavior, healing, extremely complicated relationships

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Sparrow's Spectacles [ ongoing anthology ]

summary : a series of horror one shots based around different pedro characters. be warned, the dead doves are going to be remarkably inedible. installments will be tagged accordingly, all stories will be 18+ and dddne.

tags: : dead dove do not eat, horror, dub/noncon

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

II - one off's (in order alphabetically)

A Little Mishap [francisco morales x f!reader]

tags : dead dove do not eat, noncon, bondage

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Bound in Beskar [din djarin x f!reader]

tags : armorer!mando, dom/sub vibes, pwp, blacksmith bondage

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Constructive Criticisms [javier peña x f!reader]

tags : virginity loss, fluff, mutual masturbation

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

the Dragonfly & the Moon [joel miller x f!witch!reader]

tags : ritualistic sex, knife play, blood

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

More & More & More [jack daniels x f!reader]

tags : dead dove do not eat, noncon, bondage

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

My Sister Lives in the Attic [joel miller x f!reader]

tags : grief, angst, child loss

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

My Way [oberyn martell x wife!reader]

tags : married fluff, pegging

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Not So Secret Santa [javier peña x f!coworker!reader]

tags : enemies to lovers, semi-public sex, christmas

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Pretty in Pink [joel miller x f!reader]

tags : fluff, breeding kink, lingerie

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Ride Cowgirl! [jack daniels x f!reader]

tags : unprotected sex, bondage

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Sweet Boy [din djarin x gn!reader]

tags : sub!din, pegging

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

the Thing That Gives [ezra x f!reader]

tags : dead dove do not eat, noncon, tentacles

III - drabbles (under 1k words)

sub!din x f!reader

dieter bravo x f!reader

comandante veracruz x f!reader

#lincolndjarin #masterlist

136 notes · View notes

miller-lookforthe-lite · 1 year ago

Text

steps (preview)

joel miller x f!reader

summary: Westward bound, and your steps are uncertain. Your hands shake, and it's hard to keep the food down. Joel thinks he might know why. (or, how accidents sometimes lead us to our fates.)

tags/warnings: unplanned/(unwanted?) pregnancy, thoughts and discussion of abortion, canon-typical violence, nightmares, hurt/comfort (u already know what it issss) - please heed the warnings, as these may be triggering to some! MDNI

a/n: broooo my first ever tlou fic AND first original post on this blog AND first x reader fic?! it's a big day so here's a sneak peek at steps, coming hopefully next week?!?!?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you wake up, it’s dark out, but the road outside is wider than the back winding roads you’re accustomed to. The only light comes from the truck’s headlights and the moon shining up above.

“Where are we?” You murmur, stretching out the aching muscles of your back. Ellie seems to have joined you in slumber, slumped awkwardly against the door behind you.

Joel’s hand slides over the top of the steering wheel. “Nearby Kansas City,” he offers.

You become more clearly awake at this. “The QZ? Why do you wanna head so close to it?”

He rubs the steering wheel again, drawing from it some kind of power to speak. “Figure we stash the truck somewhere, enroll at the gate as refugees. Get what we need, get out.”

“What we need?” You’re still confused.

“A doctor,” he confesses. “It’s nearby and you need a doctor. So.”

You’re at a loss. You can’t keep up with the implications, with the unspoken, terrifying truth of the question he’s asking you, he’s been asking you. You open your mouth, but the sounds are weak to your own ears. “But — it’ll take too — Wyoming, we have to — and Ellie — and Tommy —”

“We’ll get to Wyoming,” he promises. “First we check on you.”

Something bubbles up in your chest and you shift in your seat, too afraid to ask but too afraid to not know. “Are you angry?” You venture, keeping your eyes on what little of the road you can see in front of you.

You can see him puff air through his lips from the corner of your vision. “I do generally like to know about things before they became an immediate issue, so next time —”

“No,” You say too quickly, and he stops, looking over at you. “I mean, were you mad about - you know, if I am” — you choke on your own spit, can’t bring yourself to say the word - “If I am, are you angry with me?”

Your voice sounds too small to your own ears, this isn’t the You you know, but you don't remember how to be that girl anyways, don't remember how to survive without him. If he’s not with you, and if what he thinks is happening is happening, this could be it for you, this could be his final straw, too much baggage, not giving enough, not —

“You, what? Listen, no, I don’t -” He takes his foot off the gas. The truck slowly but surely rolls to a stop, so starkly contrasting the stop it made in the earlier hours of the day. He shifts the car to park, not even bothering to pull off the road like he usually does when you stop for the night. You can feel him looking at you but you can’t bring yourself to look back.

“I’m afraid,” he confesses to you like he worries the night sky will hear his secret. “I’m afraid and I’m sorry that I made you think I was angry. I’m not angry. You ain’t done nothin’ wrong. You understand? Nothin’."

You don't realize you’ve begun to cry until his arms are reaching over the center console to pull you into his lap. A mess of limbs and you find yourself between his solid frame and the steering wheel, his arms holding you like they do when you sleep, but this feels different, this feels tighter, this feels dangerously close to touching the reason you shake, the reason you burrow yourself into him at night.

“We’ll be alright,” he promises so fiercely it startles your eyes dry. “You’ll be alright. I promise.”

#joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #joel miller #joel x f!reader #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #tlou fic #tlou fanfic

56 notes · View notes

hederasgarden · 4 months ago

Text

Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then tag as many people as you have WIPS.

Thanks for the tag @shellyshellshell!

All of these are x F!Readers

Academic Rivals AU - Scott Miller

Werewolf/Witch AU - August Walker

The Astronauts Wife AU - Bob Floyd

Wicked Games (CNC) - Scott Miller

Under the Influence (Sex Pollen) - Clark Kent

Untitled Last of Us fic- (Unplanned pregnancy) - Joel Miller

On the Horizon part 3 - Tyler Owens

Bound part 2 (Werewolf AU) - Tyler Owens

Untitled Tyler drabble

Untitled bully romance AU (dark) - Jake Seresin

@writercole @a-reader-and-a-writer @clairewritesandrambles @blue-aconite @broadwaybaggins @wildbornsiren @elusivewildflower @mermaidxatxheart

11 notes · View notes

domesticgoddess22 · 3 days ago

Text

wish upon a cowboy

chapter 5: giver/taker

pairing: raider!joel miller x fem!reader Summary: A rugged raider takes you under his wing after hunters leave you for dead. The two of you form a team and you quickly grow attached to him–mumbling, grumbling, protective Joel Miller. When you divulge your wishes to experience life before the outbreak, Joel decides to make them come true. All of them. warnings: age gap (early 20s/mid 40s), praise kink, breeding kink, daddy kink, unplanned pregnancy, unprotected piv, canon-typical violence, light choking, dom!Joel, angst word count: 3.3k(ch5) rating: 18+ explicit MDNI masterlist | Ao3 | My Booktower @orcasoul @guiltyaschargedmf @idrkman (Thank you, guys. I'm going to assume you want to be tagged for the next few chapters too. Please let me know if not, no judgement <3 )

au: quick recap. You just told Joel you were pregnant and before he can respond, there's a group of raiders that threaten both of your safety.

~~~~

Joel’s jaw locks and his nostrils flare, the only telltale signs that he’s having any emotional response to your news and doing everything in his power to keep it bottled up inside. Whether it’s anger he feels or excitement, you don’t know. So he says nothing, tugs your arm with near-bruising force, and stuffs you into the nursery closet.

“J-Joel! Don’t leave me in here I can–”

“Shut up!” He demands in a hushed whisper, the closet door clicking shut and obstructing the angry snarl of his lips from your view. “Do not move from this closet,” is his last command before stepping back out into the loft.

Whatever it is he’s feeling, he’s channeling it into something physical. Something violent. You see it through the crack of the bifold doors with the way he swaggers over to the stairwell, twirling his handgun around his pointer finger like he’s about to play a game of darts with his buddies–like death isn’t waiting around the corner to claim yet another soul from this wasteland. Joel’s broad shoulders are tense, brow furrowed, back pressed against the stairwell as the men enter the house.

“We know you’re in here, and we know you’ve got a pretty little whore with ya. Come out now and we won’t hurtchya, how’s that sound?”

The man’s voice is raspy, like he’s smoked a pack of Marlboro Reds and sipped car oil for the last eighteen years, and that’d be a feat because both items are scarce. The unwelcoming sound of his voice cuts across the house in a thunderous bellow, like the terrorizing sound of infected thrashing against the metal walls of your old QZ.

When Joel doesn’t respond, the man’s temper ignites. “Look, there’s four of us and only two of you. Do the math, bitch!”

Your heartbeat is a deafening, pounding drum in your ears. You still see Joel, a horizontal sliver in the crack of the door, illuminated with the humble rays of twilight that make his lumberjack green flannel look more like steel blue. He’s silent like a predator, unmoving but alert, his eyes trained on the men downstairs as he takes shelter in the shadows.

Before you can process what’s happening, Joel is out of your field of view and gunshots bang in a rapid succession. Three shots–four? It could have been ten, but you lost count after the first two when your ears started ringing. Your eyes are wide in shock, your body trembling in fear of what’s next to come. Then you hear the rumbling roars of angry men followed by a thundering crash downstairs. Two men are shouting profanities, fists punching against flesh, wood splintering, and the sound of bodies crashing to the floor.

Suddenly your painful memories of your parents’ execution flash through your mind. The empty, lonely feeling in the pit of your stomach when they left this world. Left you. And then you were on your own again. Alone so long you forgot what it felt like to have someone hold you. Couldn’t remember the warmth of someone’s touch and if you even missed it.

The only contact you’d had was that of violence, of the men back in Austin that tried to have their way with you, of thieves that left you with a bullet in your thigh in the middle of a clicker-infested city.

And then you met Joel. Sure he was grumpy, didn’t say much, and sometimes seemed almost annoyed with you, but you eventually learned that it’s just how he is. That underneath that thick layer of hurt he wears, there’s a soft teddy bear that’s ready to protect you at all costs. Yet, all you can do is hide. Guilt weighs on you like a thousand bricks. You’d hoped to be more useful than this, but without a weapon, you’re just chicken that’s too scared to get your ass out of this closet and go help.

The final gunshot goes off and there’s a loud thump on the wooden floorboards, the showdown between the last two men standing has come to an end. Now there’s only one man left in the house with you. He’s either a killer or a killer. You hope to God that it’s Joel because if it isn’t, there’s going to be a big gaping hole in your heart when you have to walk this earth without him–assuming you make it out of this house alive.

So you hope that it’ll be him who appears at the top of the stairs in victory. That he’ll open the closet doors and give you that grumpy look of his, mutter that he ‘took care of it’ like he always does and you’ll rush into his arms, thanking God that he made it. But when the house is eerily still and there’s no sign of Joel, the heartwrenching reality of losing him sinks into the pit of your stomach like an anvil.

It only took two months. Two months for you to fall in love with him. Two months for him to fuck you so good that he got you pregnant. You cover your mouth to muffle your sobs, sticky tears streaming down your face, letting a good minute pass before you summon the courage to move.

With a shaky, feathered touch you push open the creaky doors and will yourself out of your hole, knees chafing against the muck green carpet as you scuffle out of the nursery and peek through the stair rail. You see three figures splayed out on the kitchen floor, but in the dim light of the late afternoon, you can’t confirm if any of them are Joel.

The wooden railing presses into each side of your cheek as you careen forward a little further, nose peeking out from between the bars, eyes cast downward with apprehension to find the startling image of a thick pool of blood that’s painted the checkered tile a jarring shade of crimson.

Skin as rough as sandpaper clasps around the back of your neck, fingers snaking into your hair and yanking you up off the floor. “Well, well, well, whatta we have here?” A yellow grin shines at you, blood oozing from a mean cut chiseled across his cheek. “Found myself a little mouse,” he coos, and there’s a horrid stench of cigarettes that sucker punches your gag reflex.

“What the fuck did you do to Joel?” You hiss as your face scrunches up with a mixture of anger and despair before you melt into a sob. That the last gunshot was for Joel. You were officially alone and would probably die soon too, if you were lucky.

“Awww, don’t cry now. You don’t need that old fart, now do ya?” His voice is dripping with false sincerity, disgustingly saccharine that it only made you cry more. “Woah, woah woah, did he fuck you that good? Don’t worry little bambi, I’ll show ya a good time and you won’t cry no more.”

The despair doesn’t last long. Joel’s voice calls your name from in the kitchen, and then his angry footsteps eat the stairs.

The man whips you in front of him, a knife digging its nasty edge into your cheek. “Come any close and I’ll fucking cut her up!” He screams, chest heaving in a sporadic rhythm. “Don’t think I won’t, bitch!”

Joel stops in his tracks at the top of the stairs, gun aimed at the target, and from your perspective, dangerously close in aim to your body as well.

“You best do as I say if you want her to live.”

“What d’ya want?” Joel’s voice is raspier, deeper than the gentler version that you’re used to.

His elbow hooks tighter around your neck as he belts out, “Gun on the ground–NOW!!”

Joel doesn’t move, doesn’t obey. “Let’s just talk about this first–”

“I said now!” Spit flies across the room as the man reaches the precipice of unhinged–if he wasn’t already there.

“Easy, easy,” Joel coos as though he’s talking to a horse. He bends at the knees, slowly easing himself down to place his gun on the ground, but you know it’s all a facade. Joel can’t bend his knees all the way without suffering the consequences of his age. There’s no way he’s going to gently ease down.

Joel, half-crouched as he prepares to drop his gun, flicks his eyes at you. The two of you exchange a telepathic agreement on what would transpire next before he redirects his gaze to the enemy. Your brows crease desperately as your mouth puckers together to silently mouth the word no. Because what can you even do?

That’s when the enemy’s elbow constricts even tighter around your neck. You notice the gleam of blood oozing out of a wound in his forearm. A bullet wound. With a deep breath and a strong dose of courage, you dig your thumb into his wound with all your might, a guttural roar tearing from your lungs as you do.

You duck. A gunshot erupts.

One shot to his chest, then two, and the man finds himself knocked back against the stair rail. He flips back from the sudden impact and then there’s a loud thud of his body meeting the first floor of the house. Unable to tear your eyes away from the horror, you curl into yourself as the prospect of death releases its chokehold on you once more.

And it’s all thanks to Joel, who rushes to your side and wraps his arms around you, your back is flush against his chest, and you feel a sudden rush of warmth and safety. “Thought I told ya to stay hidden? Shoulda known you wouldn’t listen.”

“I thought something happened to you, I didn’t know what to do!”

“I told ya I always win,” he breathes out, voice smokey and confident in the shell of your ear. He rests his chin on your shoulder and rocks your body side to side, his hands gently gripping your waist for support. His chest is still heaving from the earlier altercation as his calloused palm slides up from under your sweatshirt and you feel his rough hand flush against your belly. “Think the baby is happy I won?” He smirks into your neck and you feel butterflies flutter in your stomach.

You twist your neck around to meet his gaze, big brown eyes look at you lovingly. “Yeah, I think the baby is happy their daddy won.” Your breath ghosts his lips and then you smile, looking up at him through thick lashes.

He spins you around so his hips are pressed into yours, and then he pulls you into a sweet kiss, which quickly transitions to something more heated and steamy as he goes from tasting your lips to lapping at your tongue. A masculine groan rumbles from his throat all the way into yours. That’s when you realize he’s hard. Really hard.

“Joel, right now? Really?” Your tone is playful as you stifle your giggles, pushing away his kisses to no avail. He demands more, kissing and licking your neck instead.

“You put a spell on my or some’n ‘cuz baby, your pussy is all I can think about,” he’s sucking on your neck now, thrusting into you with his jeans on. “Now you go ‘n tell me you're pregnant with my kid, how else am I supposed to celebrate?”

“We shouldn't do it here, though. It's still not safe.”

“If anybody comes in here…” Joel begins, pausing as his heady kisses decorate your neck, “I'll just kill ‘em.” Your panties feel soaked at the sound of his protective threat. His forearms meet the backside of your thighs, cushioning your ass as he lifts you off of the ground and into his veiny arms. His strong lower back muscles feel firm against your calves as you cling to him, his hard cock throbbing through his jeans against where you need him most.

In the master bedroom, the moonlight spills on the sheets like water, illuminating the faded silk fabric with a bluish glow. The dresser is decorated with relics from another time, a vase with withered flowers, porcelain knick knacks of a wedding couple, and dusty necklaces–all of which barely have enough luster left to light the room, like the dimming light of a candle as it swallows the last inch of its wick.

Joel rests you on the edge of the oakwood dresser, releasing you from his embrace just long enough to remove your pants, and then he presses his torso into you once more. His tongue dances with yours, chest heaving as he pours every kiss he has into your soul. One thick palm is pressed to your cheek and then he curls it around your neck for support, reeling you in even closer.

His other hand finds yours, tangling your fingers together like a stitch that could never be unsewn. His touch and his kiss felt like real love, even if it wasn’t said in words, you could feel your love for him, and you hoped that he felt it too.

All your life, you’ve never felt more safe than you do by Joel’s side. You belong here. Belong with him. It’s in this moment that you realize you were meant to be with Joel from now until the rest of your life. It was no mistake that you were carrying his child, it was exactly as it should be. There was never going to be anyone else besides Joel. You were safe by him, safe in his arms, his kiss, and safe with his cock buried inside you every night.

He pulls your panties to the side, a string of your wet connecting you to the fabric. “Oh sweetie…” Joel coos, rubbing the thick pads of his fingertips against your slippery folds. “Did’ya miss me that much?”

You bite your lower lip and look up at him, wide-eyed and slutty as you moan mhmmmm. He hums in approval, peeling your shirt off to reveal your perky, bare breasts. In one long drag, he licks your chest from just above your breast up to your collarbone.

“Baby, ‘m not gonna be gentle with you. Need you bad.” His voice is hot in your ear, locks of your hair tickling your cheek from the soft wind of his breath. “You gonna be a good girl for me?” He asks, rubbing delicious circles into your clit that make it impossible to refuse him.

“Y-Yes.”

“Yes what?” He says through gritted teeth, yanking your panties off.

“Yes, Daddy.”

“That’s my girl. Now spread those legs f’me and show me that pretty little pussy.” Obediently, you do as he says, a desperate need to please him igniting your core. The last time he had you, you were both drunk. This time would be different and you could feel it. He was sober, more aware of your body, more in control. He sinks to his knees, relishing in the view of your glistening cunt. “Fuck… You’re gorgeous. Been dreamin’ about this since the last time I had you.”

His bristly beard brushes against your naked thighs and his lips hover over your slit. You can feel his breath, a warm, welcoming breeze in the cool fall air. “No…” You plea, pushing him away, but you have no effect on him as he digs his nose into your folds and tastes your entrance. “Joel, I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be. You’re beautiful,” he praises and proceeds to suck on your bud. Your back arches in ecstasy. Whatever part of you refused him before was long gone and replaced with a slutty girl that was begging for more.

“Ahhn, just like that–Don’t stop.”

“You were tellin’ me no just a second ago, now you’re beggin’ for more?” His laugh rumbles into you, vibrating your pussy and making you feel even more stimulated. You moan at the pressure of his tongue swirling on your clit, shamelessly rolling your hips onto his face as he pulls his name from your lips.

“Want you inside me–Please, please…” The words tumble out of your mouth.

He smirks at you, masculine pride reflecting on his face, “Needy girl. I like that.” He stands up, the sound of his zipper opening is followed by the pressure of his cock against your cunt. With both of his hands firmly on your waist, his hips snap to yours without any warning, all of his length splitting you open with a delicious sting that quickly becomes euphoric. Both of your jaws go slack at the feel of one another.

This time around, you were carrying his baby, creating a bond between the two of you that could never be broken. You belonged to him and belonged to you. Joel’s eyes are dangerously dark as he leans over you, your ass in his hands, his cock in your cunt, and now his lips against yours. He kisses you roughly, tongue tasting yours as you gasp for air in between each kiss.

His hips slap against yours at a devastating pace, the trinkets on the dresser clinking together, drawers shaking violently, the entire frame of the dresser threatening to dent the walls.

His kisses are rough, his thrusting is brutal, and his grip on your waist was sure to leave bruises in the morning. Joel is far from gentle. He’s fucking you. Hard. And you love every minute of it. The way his skin sounds slapping against yours, the way he grunts in echo of your wanton moans, and the way your wet sounds squelching with his juice, dripping out of your slot and coating the salt and pepper bristles around his cock. It leaves your mouth watering, your cunt dripping, and your legs shaking.

It’s the best sex you ever had.

Joel’s groans deepen, his pace becoming more erratic as your walls clench around him tighter and tighter. You can feel him swelling with each moan. You wrap your legs around his back and reel him in even closer.

“‘m close, baby.”

“Fuck me,” you plea, just to reach your white hot climax too. “Make me yours, Joel.” Your words are enough to send him over the edge.

“Come on my cock, baby,” the sensations send you over the edge, soaking his cock just like he asks. His head kisses your cervix again and again, and you feel the pressure of his balls on your slot with his final thrust as he pours his warmth into you with a masculine groan, biting into your shoulder and kneading his fingers into your breast.

“We’re gonna have to stop doin’ this eventually,” he says after pulling out his half-hard cock and watching his sperm drool out of your slot. Then he scoops it up and with two fingers, shoves it back into your hole to hide the mess.

“Why?” Your brows knit together, eyes wide with desperation as he pulls out again. Why would either of you ever this to end?

“Don’t matter now since you’re already pregnant, but if we keep this up, you’ll keep gettin’ pregnant again ‘n again,” he says taking a few steps back and zipping up his jeans. You almost feel sad that his cock is no longer on display for your pleasure. You decide to be bold with him–you’ve spread your legs twice for him and are the mother of his baby for God’s sake.

You hop off the dresser, sashay over to where he stands, and snake your palms up his chest before placing them on each of his cheeks. You pull him down to you and softly kiss his lips, the tang of your wet is still an aftertaste on his lips.

“I don’t want this to stop. Ever,” you say, voice a little raspy and worn from your lovemaking session.

Joel looks at you in thought, his beautiful brown eyes, once lustful, are now filled with the glistening shine of adoration. In this moment, you can see the outline of yourself reflected in the darkness of his eyes and a feeling of love floods through you once more.

He smiles, crows feet creasing at the side of his eyes as he says, “I’d like that.”

#joel miller #joel x reader smut #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel x you #the last of us #fanfic #joel x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #wish upon a cowboy #joel miller unplanned pregnancy fic #post outbreak joel #raider joel

62 notes · View notes

toomanystoriessolittletime · 8 months ago

Text

Failing

Summary: Joel made many mistakes. The biggest was leaving you.

Pairing: past Joel Miller x fem. reader

Wordcount: 1.3k

Rating: G

Warnings: angst, a lot of inner thoughts, panic attacks, Joel and Ellie do not talk, Joel is a mess, lots of talk about being a failure and not good enough, messy breakup, unplanned pregnancy

A/N: This has been going through my mind since I saw the new pic yesterday. This is really different from everything I write usually, so let me know what you think. And yeah, come yell at me in my inbox

follow @toomanystoriessolittletime-fics and turn on notifications to get notified when I post new fics

part one of invisible string

He knew he should have stayed home tonight.

He could have worked on… something. He could have talked himself into picking up his guitar and pretend everything was okay.

He could pretend that he wasn’t a failure.

He could pretend Ellie was still talking to him.

Instead he was here, the people around him celebrating god knows what, music playing, people dancing and he?

He was hoping to at least get a look at the girl that had become like a daughter to him. The daughter he lost because he lied to her.

Turned out his mother was right, lying was not getting him anywhere.

He hadn’t talked to her in weeks, not getting more than a fleeting look at her from afar like a creepy stalker.

Tommy was right, he needed to give her time.

But somehow he felt like time was running out.

Tommy had been right in a lot of things lately. Something Joel was not used to, still having the irresponsible young man in the back of his mind he had been before outbreak.

But Tommy wasn’t that man anymore.

He was a husband, a father, a respected leader of the little community he had helped build.

And Joel was…. He did not feel like he changed much. He was still angry all the time.

Angry at the world.

Angry at the people.

But most of all angry at himself.

The way he was feeling now? Alone and lonely?

He had no one but himself to blame for it.

It was moments like these that you came to his mind.

You would know what to do. You would know how to fix this mess that he got himself into. You always did. Until he had pushed you away for good, almost six years ago when he got even more involved in the underground in the Boston QZ.

Meeting and falling in love with you had been the only good thing that had happened to him since the outbreak. You had seen him, the real him.

The broken man that was desperate for… something.

That something seemed to be you.

But like every good that happened to him, he managed to fuck this up too. Not at first, but definitely in the end.

And he tried. He tried to become a better person. Tried to become the man you deserved, not listening to you when you told him that he did not have to become a better person.

That you fell for him the way he was. With all flaws he thought he had.

But maybe if he had worked on himself he wouldn’t have reacted so poorly when you told him that you were pregnant.

Maybe he wouldn’t have blamed you and you only, taking the easy way out and telling you he would not go through this again.

He should have talked to you, instead of lashing out, should have told you how fucking scared he was about losing another child. About losing you. About raising a child in this fucked up world. About fucking up.

He did so anyway.

He chose to forget about the whole conversation the two of you had after you told him that you were pregnant and that you were intending to keep it from his mind. Or he tried. God, did he try.

But now, deep in the night, when he was laying awake and alone in bed, only the shadows of the night in his company, the words he spat to hurt you creeped back into his mind, not that they had ever been gone.

I don’t love you.

Get rid of it.

Get out of my life.

I never loved you anyway.

He could still see the way your face crumbled, tears running down your cheeks.

He broke you that night. And he broke himself.

He thought about this last argument, this breakup a lot if he was honest with himself.

He never told you, not in words, how much he loved you. He took you for granted. He shouldn’t have been this surprised to learn that you had left the QZ days after he broke you.

Not a day went by that he wondered what happened to you.

If you were alive.

If you kept the baby.

Would it have your eyes and his hair?

A boy or a girl?

Where they as stubborn as Sarah was?

Did you still love him as much as he still loved you?

Shaking his head he took a sip from the surprisingly good beer someone had offered him when he came here, his eyes wandering through the room, sneaking glances at Ellie who smiled at Dina, deep in conversation with the other girl.

Sucking his bottom lip in, his hand flexing on his side as he tried to find the courage to walk over to Ellie and ask her if they could talk, again, when he heard laughter behind him.

Laughter he heard before, a long time ago.

A laugh he heard in his dreams when his mind allowed him to dream about you instead of the nightmares that plagued him.

Narrowing his eyes he tried to remember why he was hearing that laugh, why that voice that spoke in low tones now, made his heart flutter, when he saw Tommy walk towards him in a fast pace, his face worried.

“Joel,” he said but Joel wasn’t listening to him.

He was busy preparing for a breakdown that was creeping slowly into his body.

Joel’s heart seemed to make the connection before his brain did, heart beating widely in his chest as he slowly turned around, his brother’s hand on his shoulder to keep him for turning. He shrugged it off with a grunt, bracing himself to be let down, that he was finally turning insane and imagining you when his eyes landed on you.

Blinking his eyes in disbelief he released a shaky breath when you were still there.

You were sitting at one of the picnic tables, still as beautiful as he remembered a small smile on your face. A man had his arm wrapped around your back and in your lap sat a girl not older than five who had your eyes and his brown curls.

His heart stopped, he was sure of it.

“She got in yesterday. You were on patrol, I was trying to find you and tell you but….” Joel heard his brother say, but he ignored him.

You were here.

And you were alive.

And you had a girl sitting in your lap that was….

His eyes widened when you leaned back and he saw a little boy sitting in the lap of the man next to you that looked like a mini copy of Joel himself.

His chest felt heavy.

Closing his eyes he tried to take deep breaths, but he just couldn’t.

This was too much.

This hurt too much.

This was the happiest he ever was.

“Joel?” he heard his name from his side, Ellie looking down at him worriedly as he pressed his hand against his chest, his eyes watering.

This was the first time she had talked to him in weeks and it might as well be the last time from the way he felt right now.

He was having a panic attack.

But it felt so much worse than it had ever before.

Looking away from Ellie he turned his head back towards you, finding you now looking at him with wide eyes.

“Deep breaths brother,” a strong arm came to pull him up and his frantic eyes found Tommy’s.

“In and out,” he said, trying to calm down his brother. Joel’s hands grabbed his brothers shoulders. Trying to mimic the way he was breathing but couldn’t.

“Joel?” he heard your voice, his head now turning towards you, finding you looking at him worriedly.

Joel shook his head, dark spots at the corner of his eyes.

“You’re here,” was the last thing he whispered before he passed out.

#my fic #Joel Miller #Joel Miller x fem. reader #Pedro Pascal #joel miller fanfiction #tlou #tlou fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction

1K notes · View notes

jackiesarch · 5 years ago

Text

Updated: February 9, 2020

Jacob Seed

don’t pretend you don’t love the pain — ao3 // tumblr

M | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Biting, Fluff, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content

She wakes to feather-light touch on the edge of her bottom lip, a sweep of sensation from the right corner of her mouth to the left.

happier — ao3 // tumblr

T | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Kid Fic, Domesticity, Mild Angst

Rook tells him she’s pregnant, and he loses his goddamn mind.

perfect — ao3 // tumblr

T | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Kid Fic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship

Jacob nudges her awake early on a Sunday morning, long before the bunker is echoing with the sounds of daily life, long before anyone in their right mind should be awake.

on fire — ao3 // tumblr

E | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Vaginal Sex, Overstimulation, Established Relationship, Humiliation

If she bites her lip any harder, Rook is going to put her teeth straight through it. As it is, her incisors are digging a cut so deep that she can taste the familiar tang of blood flooding her mouth.

blood bank — ao3 // tumblr

T | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries, Established Relationship

The ground is wet and muddy under her shoes, her feet slipping with every pounding step she takes toward the Veterans Center.

carry you — ao3 // tumblr

T | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Established Relationship, Kid Fic, Guilt

He gets like this sometimes: quiet, brooding, despondent.

for the hundredth time, i’m not your babysitter — tumblr

G | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Fluff, Humor, Established Relationship

“For the hundredth time, no. I am not your damn babysitter.”

you’re cute when you’re all worried — tumblr

T | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Fluff, Humor, Established Relationship

He cannot sleep.

detention? again? — tumblr

G | Jacob Seed/Lucy Evans | Fluff, Humor, Established Relationship, Teenage Characters

The hallway is quiet when Lucy trudges down it, lugging her heavy backpack with her.

audience — tumblr

M | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, Mentions of Voyeurism

Jacob’s grip is bruising as he shoves her against the wall, lips pressed to the side of her neck and thigh pressed tight between her legs.

the days — tumblr

G | Jacob Seed/Lucy Evans | Fluff, Humor, Established Relationship, Teenage Characters

If the tennis ball hits her wall one more time, Lucy thinks she might crush it in her hands.

joy — tumblr

T | Jacob Seed/Lucy Evans | Fluff, Humor, Established Relationship, No-Cult AU, Weddings

“Is this your backwards-ass way of asking me to marry you?”

tipsy kiss — tumblr

M | Jacob Seed/Lucy Evans | Established Relationship, No-Cult AU, Drunkenness

Lucy presses him back against the counter and his mind reels.

chocolate — tumblr

T | Jacob Seed/Lucy Evans | Established Relationship, Post-Bunker, Canon Divergent AU, Fluff and Angst

Everything in this new world terrifies her in a way she hadn’t expected.

laughing kiss — tumblr

T | Jacob Seed/Lucy Evans | Established Relationship, No-Cult AU, Fluff, Pregnancy

When he gets home from work, the white-walled nursery he’d left that morning is painted a bright, happy pink.

lucy evans and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day — tumblr

G | Jacob Seed/Female Deputy | Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Humor

They’ve been putting off the grocery shopping for weeks now, and things are finally starting to get desperate.

John Seed

be alright — ao3 // tumblr

T | John Seed/Female Deputy | Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries

She is tired and afraid, but she needs to see him. She needs to see if he is okay. Besides — being in the wrong place is a specialty of hers.

vilify — ao3 // tumblr

E | John Seed/Female Deputy | Pre-Canon, Vaginal Sex, First Time, Strangers to Lovers, Mild Dark Undertones

The first time she meets John Seed, Rook has lived in Hope County for all of three weeks.

burnin’ up — ao3 // tumblr

T | John Seed/Female Deputy | Established Relationship, Fluff, Sick Fic, Domesticity

All her life, Rook has been pretty healthy, decently resilient, but this — this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to her.

forever — ao3 // tumblr

G | John Seed/Female Deputy | Fluff, Established Relationship, Pregnancy, No-Cult AU, Domesticity

She makes dinner. That’s how John knows something’s up.

high hopes — ao3 // tumblr

T | John Seed/Female Deputy | Fluff, Established Relationship, Injury Recovery, Hurt/Comfort

He keeps escaping from the infirmary.

afterlife — tumblr

T | John Seed | Pre-Canon, Child Abuse

He is ten years old the day he dies.

chocolate — tumblr

M | John Seed/Female Deputy | Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content

Rook wakes on her birthday to an empty bed. She rolls over, mind hazy, and finds the spot next to her cold, the sheets rumpled and pillows scattered.

life is a highway and i’m always drunk, so i’m not driving — tumblr

T | John Seed/Female Deputy | Humor

It’s late when the radio crackles to life. John turns his head in its direction, curiosity peaking – there’s only one person who buzzes in on this frequency this late at night.

unforeseen (pt. 1) — tumblr

T | John Seed/Female Deputy | Established Relationshop, Angst, Unplanned Pregnancy, Bunker AU

The minute the doctor confirms her suspicions, Rook nods politely, leaves the examination room, and takes brisk but measured steps toward her room.

unforeseen (pt. 2) — tumblr

G | John Seed/Female Deputy | Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Kid Fic, Bunker AU

Rook has to admit it: John is a surprisingly good dad.

hold my girl — tumblr

G | John Seed/Miriam Ford | Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Kid Fic

All at once, Miriam is struck by how beautiful he is like this — quiet, pliant, peaceful.

Miscellaneous

insanity — tumblr

T | Joseph Seed, Female Deputy | Guilt, Dark Undertones

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

fireworks — ao3 // tumblr

G | Jacob Seed, Joseph Seed, John Seed | Family Fluff

The sign out front is colourful, reds and whites and blues, proclaiming ‘FIREWORKS SOLD HERE’ in dark black lettering.

nightmare — ao3 // tumblr

T | Staci Pratt, Female Deputy | Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Canon

She was trained for this, but she never knew it would be so hard.

i can’t believe you don’t like disney movies — tumblr

G | Sharky Boshaw, Female Deputy | Humor

“I gotta say, Dep, I am just devastated,” Sharky says. His voice breaks the silence in the car. “Fuckin’ crushed, actually.”

an unexpected journey — ao3 // tumblr

T | Joel Miller, Ellie Williams | Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Injury Recovery

She knows it doesn't seem like it, but this is not a bad read.

#my writing

93 notes · View notes

thriftedtchotchkes · 1 year ago

Text

MIMI you get me right in the heart with these EVERY TIME 😭🥹🙏🏽

first off, thank you so much?? that is wild and also so sweet, and i'm so glad you enjoyed it!! the entire fic was actually modeled after those specific lyrics, so that made things a bit easier 🥲 big thanks to ari for laying the groundwork.

you know i love digging deep into the complexities of joel miller but ngl, i really didn't mean for there to be as much smut as there was 🫣 so, horny joel definitely got the most fic time but i'd like to think even the smut had a little bit of all of those sides 💀

and ahh ty??? this reader is so dear to my heart. i tried so hard to make her a completely separate entity from any of my other readers (and also myself), but i absolutely gave her my hatred of chicken and uhhh my love for joel. she truly is all of us, huh. oddly enough, the pregnancy reveal chapter probably was the easiest to write? it just didn't seem true to her character to immediately accept this life-changing, unplanned thing, and i hadn't really seen this reaction portrayed in a joel fic. i think she was always going to make peace with and find joy in it, but that inital rejection was always the plan.

the sun line!!! ahhh, i'm so happy you picked that one out. it's exactly what he is! and anyone who loves this man can see it's true.

heh the proposal 👀 completely unplanned until i got to that final section, but it felt right! especially when he was already talking about weddings on the first day. i love that the twists and turns kept you on your toes!! it hopefully means this fic does what it sets out to do!

thank you always, always for your support and your kind words, you seriously brighten my day every time and i appreciate you so much 💕