#joe then maybe cleo? then false

[dredgesnails]

stardew valley au where joel and skizz are new residents to pelican town (hermit town?). joel just inherited a large farm from his late grandfather and skizz is moving in with his old friend after reconnecting with him and wanting a fresh start. and the townspeople are like, kinda weird.

bdubs is fine enough - he’s a sweet man with a fun personality and he’s the local builder, but it’s almost frightening how fast he constructs new buildings when joel needs them. pearl, their resident postmaster, is also pretty normal other than the fact that skizz never seems to be awake early enough to catch her delivering mail. scar is lovely but he’s never available when joel wants another chicken. the mayor, xisuma, is pleasant too, if a little eccentric at times, but he doesn’t really seem to do much in town.

for the most part, skizz is settling in well. he’s moved in with impulse, who runs the local blacksmith in town, and he gets along well with most of the local townspeople. he’s started spending his evenings at the local saloon listening to ren regale the patrons with fantastical tales while he and stress serve up food and drinks, and he finds himself growing close with cleo, the local sculptor. he even gets a new wardrobe from hypno free of charge, and sometimes helps cub out with his totally scientific studies and creations.

skizz also joins forces with beef (who helps to supply the local general store that xb and keralis run) in terrorising the local manager of the corporate chain grocery store that no one likes. doc is a terrible manager but would make a fun supervillain (according to joe hills, the bookseller who appears once in a blue moon but seems to know doc more than anyone in town).

joel, on the other hand, seems to only be interacting with the strangest residents in town. he discovers the adventurer’s guild after only a couple weeks. false promises to give him prizes if he can kill enough monsters, which is not something joel had expected to be doing when he pictured farm life, but here he is. he stumbles upon a travelling cart one day, and the man inside insists he’s a knight from a faraway land, that he risked his life to make it all the way here to sell his wares. it’s all stuff joel can get cheaper elsewhere.

he’s pretty sure the local doctor has no real medical training, but then he passes out while fighting monsters and he wakes up completely fine, so zedaph probably knows what he’s doing. maybe. when joel isn’t passing out he sometimes makes trips to the library-slash-museum, which is probably almost completely empty because mumbo, who begs joel for anything to display, looks like he’s never fought a duggie in his life. eventually mumbo gives joel a key to the sewers, which are way cooler than they have any right to be, and that’s where he finds jevin’s secret sewer shop. jevin lives in town. he just also has a shop hidden underground. joel has stopped asking questions by now.

and then there are the three who live by the beach. etho spends most of his time tinkering around the fishing hut or hovering around bdubs, but sometimes he drives the bus to the desert. only sometimes. there might be something under his mask. no one knows for sure. gem runs the fish shop most days and she claims she’s a sailor, but joel has never seen a single working boat around despite all the ocean. she can also hold her breath underwater for an uncannily long amount of time, like, scarily so, and will sometimes disappear for a few days and return with an abundance of treasures. joel has never seen her leave by boat. grian fishes a lot and runs the shop when gem can’t, and he sometimes talks as though the sea can speak to him. skizz has caught him staring into space for extended periods of time. one time he waded into the water and just stood there, head down, muttering to himself.

apparently there used to be a lighthouse but “it’s gone now”. gem says if they ask bdubs nicely enough maybe they can build another one, but she and grian are banned from build requests after the last incident with their pet snails (joel has never seen the snails, but scar complains about them enough to convince him they’re real).

there also might be some kind of wizard who lives in the creepy tower in the woods. skizz has heard he’s the one who helps maintain the power in the valley, and joel’s convinced he hallucinated seeing him once until he recieves a letter from the wizard himself, and visits him only to find that the strange fire-creature he saw that one time was, in fact, tango, who is human for the most part, he just sets himself on fire sometimes.

[ivys-garden]

Alright let's go season 10 predictions.

There will be at least one new Hermit, Probably Skizz, But I also think it's highly likely Joel and Lizzie also join - really hoping for this, Skizz is great, Joel is an amazing builder and has fun interactions with the others (expect his episode one to be dominated by Boat Boys and Neck Kissing Jokes) and Lizzie is also great at Building and would be another edition to the Hermit Girls Murder Group (before any of yall say Stress and Lizzie aren't murderes - they are.)

Soup Group won't base ontop of each other, but they will be relatively close and will commit shenanigans together. Someone else will also base near them and join the shenanigans- maybe Cleo, Stress or False, Mabye Scar if he isn't with buttercups, maybe Lizzie if she's added.

If Skizz is added he doesn't make his own base and instead joins another Hermit and lives in there's, helping with building, Probably Impulse or Tango.

Buttercups will base superclose to each other, its tradition at this point.

Doc will continue to break the game in increasing absurd ways.

If there are new Hermits, Joe sings a little song to welcome them - and then The Hermit Girls Murder Group welcomes them with murder.

Gem keeps the head collecting going - especially if there's new Hermits

Tango (and probably some others) will start the season late. They bloody deserve it.

Someone acidentally breaks the game in the first 5 episodes.

A war starts within the first 25 episodes.

A Spawn area will be on an island.

[korasonata]

Was bored and also procrastinating other things, so have a ranked list of Hermits based on whether I think they can cook or not for funsies. Vibes only.

—

Beef: The expert. Is well versed in almost all manners of cooking, and is an extremely skilled chef, particularly with regards to meat dishes, and is a particularly skilled butcher.

TFC: Also up there with Beef, but TFC is also a master of rare ingredients. He’s good at foraging, and he uses ingredients in his cooking that aren’t typically used in just every day life. His techniques may seem a bit primitive, but they are highly effective and his style of cooking might be called simple food made complicated.

Stress: Also a very good cook who puts a lot of emphasis on nutrition. She makes meal plans and prepares a lot of her food at the beginning of the week, and her cooking always makes sure to include a balanced diet. She enjoys cooking and likes to have fun with it. Makes a killer roast chicken.

Impulse: Is surprisingly good at home style cooking. He doesn’t make anything fancy or anything, and his presentation is always a little sloppy, but his food at least tastes good.

Cub: Doesn’t cook much, but when he does he is actually secretly a very good chef. He cooks for himself a lot, but it’s only once in a blue moon that someone else gets to eat his food.

Wels: Is a decent chef, but is incapable of cooking for a single person. He makes way too much food every time and is incapable of portioning, and as such he is the direct inverse of Cub, and he never cooks for himself if he’s alone. Is also very good at desserts.

Ren: Has a bottomless pit of a stomach. Has a big appetite and loves all food and really enjoys big dinner feasts. Is also good with cooking meat specifically. He has a special smoking method that is a real crowd pleaser. Is also good with basic rice bowls and his cooking tastes very homely.

Gem: Is good at treating fish specifically. Also anything involving wild game. Like TFC she is very good at foraging and using ingredients found in the forest. Her cooking is a bit unrefined, but has a very light, refreshing sort of feel to it.

Cleo: An average cook, but is very good at a few specific dishes. (As a side note I’ve actually tried one of Cleo’s recipes that she talked about on stream and it is literally the greatest thing ever, I made it once and people request it all the time)

Joe: Is good at making drinks specifically. He makes a mean margarita and is good at making mixed drinks and cocktails, but otherwise is an average chef with regards to food. Makes very good nachos though.

Doc: Like Cleo, Doc is good at making a few very specific dishes. He makes several German specialties and is also very good at treating vegetables, but outside of these specialties he is rubbish.

Bdubs: Stereotypical grill dad. At least he thinks so. His seasonings consist almost exclusively of basic spices. Meat is the only thing he cooks, but otherwise possesses no real flare for cooking. Despite this, he thinks very highly of his skills, and the food he puts out isn’t bad really, so the Hermits still let him cook every once in a while.

Scar: Scar always tries his absolute best, and his cooking swings wildly from perfection to the most disgusting thing you’ve ever eaten in your life. There is no in between. It’s 50/50 what you’re going to get, but he has fun either way.

Jevin: makes a mean Mac and cheese, but outside of this, he is a very basic cook. He makes himself sandwiches and grilled cheese and maybe some pasta, but otherwise doesn’t cook much else.

Hypno: Ok. He can kill something and cook it, but he’s not the best butcher and his food is just kind of thrown together. There’s no real theme to any plate he puts out. He’s half decent with seasonings and spices though.

XB: Can make fried rice and that’s about it.

Keralis: Can copy other people’s dishes when given instructions, but when left alone has no idea what he’s doing.

False: Doesn’t really cook much. She probably could, but most of the time she’s after something quick and easy. Whenever she gets hungry she just grabs an apple from the bowl or eats whatever leftovers are in the fridge cold.

Etho: Lives almost exclusively off of instant ramen.

Zedaph: treats the kitchen like a chemistry lab and anyone eating is a test subject. He’s not allowed in the kitchen very often.

Xisuma: This man could burn juice. I don’t know how, but he’d do it. He is a sopping wet cat in the kitchen. He’s the type that tries to cook but fails so miserably that every time he just ends up making a bowl of cereal for himself instead.

Grian and Pearl: have cooking battles competing over who can make the most disgusting dish. Grian is like the little toddler that always wants to help but is so bad that no one will let him. He’s also always the one standing over your shoulder and sneaking bites of things when you turn your back. Pearl can’t cook herself, but she has good knife skills so she is often allowed to help out with the prep work.

Mumbo: Will eat anything and everything you throw in front of him. He does not care. He also does not cook at all. When left to fend for himself he demolishes the kitchen by eating every raw ingredient in the pantry. This man would eat a sack of flour if you let him.

Tango: This man does not eat unless you make him. You have to physically drag him to the table to get any kind of nourishment, but he is always very appreciative of other peoples cooking.

Iskall: Orders takeout exclusively.

[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap ZombieCleo, 6-23-24

((Did I jump the queue with this one and stay up especially late finishing it specifically because DocM77 asked on Twitter for someone to go over the stream with a fine-toothed comb and give him the salient details? MAYBE. I just hope I can figure out a way to get it to him so he sees it. Anyway, it's stupidly late, have a stream recap in which Scar's audio is a main character that never appears.))

0:00 Cleo opens the stream on the Hermitcraft server. She greets the False raiders and the chatters who were already here, even as she types to False in the game chat. She asks False if she is tired, False replies that she is boiling. Cleo suggests living in Scotland, where it is cool in both a literal and metaphorical sense. Cleo asks Chat if they are good. She herself thinks Chat is great because they are here. Cleo does not know if False shows appreciation for her chat enough, but promises that False does really appreciate them, probably. Chat appreciates False. Ren enters the server and gets an OMG HI from Cleo in chat. Cleo and Ren agree they need to play Plate Up again soon. Cleo will also drag False along on this Plate Up adventure, whether she wants to or not.

3:00 A chatter plays hydration check, so Cleo takes a drink and gives chat a bonus posture check as well. A chatter asks which is Cleo’s favorite punctuation mark. Cleo says it is the interrobang (‽) because it is great. The plan for today is to try and do some planning with Chat’s help, because Chat is smart and Cleo hasn’t got a plan. Cleo is also very concerned that Chat engage in self-care activities. They go full-screen vtuber to lead a mini stretching session and tell Chat they are important and loved.

5:10 The plan-planning process requires some signs. Cleo goes to get some while talking about how nice it is to live in Scotland where it’s not so hot. They thank subs and donos and try to make heart-hands after a nice message, but realize they have not put on their hand sensors. Maybe later for that. A chatter plays the Hotdogs On Your Face song. Mrs. Tango raids into the stream. Cleo goes full-screen again to welcome the raiders and give them the same niceness and self-care message. Cleo is feeling especially nurturing today and Chat is vibing with it.

8:20 Cleo stares at the sign she was about to place down and write the plan on, but she has forgotten it. She thanks subs and donos instead and remembers the plan. The plan is to plan out the city and mark places for Shrubberies, which must be pronounced in Knights that Say Ni fashion ((a reference to the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail.)), and other important landmarks. NJCoffeeJunkie raids in, but Cleo’s not doing the nurturing thing a third time in ten minutes. A chatter plays sour jelly bean.

10:30 Cameron, Cleo’s lead mod and partner, raids in. Cleo gives in and gives the full-screen nurturing self-care speech again. Cleo finally writes “Granery Food Storage” on the sign, declaring that she is not a teacher anymore and doesn’t need to spell. She shares the plan for the granary building and says hi to Scar in game chat. More thanks to subs and donos. A chatter suggests Scar has a power beyond this world, Cleo wouldn’t go that far but does agree that Scar is pretty dangerous. ((In Season 9, Joe Hills made it a point to greet Scar whenever he logged on, because otherwise Scar had a tendency to drop by his build and murder him. This may have had a lasting effect on Hermit behavior patterns.)) Cleo has a video coming out tomorrow that also involves Skizz and Joel, and it’s going to be fun.

14:20 Cleo shows off how they have spawn-proofed their front lawn area, mostly using glow lichen, which they insist must be pronounced with a short I sound, as in “finger-lickin’” because otherwise it sounds stupid. A chatter announces they came out to their parents and shouts out the gays. Cleo shouts out the gays, lesbians and all other groups and wishes everyone happy pride. They trail off when they realize that Ren has made a stone… “upside-down T” in one of the marked-off building squares. Cleo takes down the definitely-only-an-upside-down-T and replaces it with a sign declaring it the medical tent/emergency room area. Chat is not sure it was just a T. Cleo marks another square for Delivery of Supplies, right in front of the mailbox.

17:00 Cleo makes a big square for the Tavern, which will also be the town meeting hall. When the drama happens (and she doesn’t mean Theatre Kid Ren), they can come in here and plan. Cleo thinks about what else is needed. A boat dock maybe. Chat agrees that if D&D has taught them anything, it is that a tavern is the best place to make plans. Cleo agrees. Chat also suggests an armory. During this time, Cleo also seems to perceive that it is evening and tries to sleep. It does not work. Eventually Cleo realizes it is still daytime and is a bit confused. Chat suggests that night is an illusion. Cleo thinks about the best place to put an armory without blocking the sight lines of the little town. Chat suggests a school as well, but a town on a war footing does not need a school. She sketches out an armory and puts up a sign for where the docks will be.

22:50 Cleo starts trying to sleep again. She taps the bed for about 25 seconds before finally being allowed to sleep. A kitchen tent might be good on the hill, so that gets sketched out as well. A retaining wall for the hill will probably show up at some point. A chatter asks what era the village is supposed to be, Cleo says it’s going to be Magipunk. There will be motorbikes and magic robots. There might be some ruins as well. A chatter asks about the pile of Ren and False heads in the middle of the build area, Cleo says that’s Ren and False being Ren and False. A chatter suggests adding a watchtower, but that would be on top of the hill and Cleo has other plans for that area.

28:30 A chatter says that Scar needs help. Cleo says that if Scar needs help, Scar can ask for help. It is not polite to go into other peoples’ streams and ask for help for other people. Chat suggests a junkyard or scrap heap, but Cleo thinks this community is very into recycling and mending because they haven’t got much stuff. There will be a bunch of barracks tents, those get squares. Cleo needs one more big building. Chat makes a lot of suggestions. Cleo has run out of yellow wool to make plan squares with. They head to the shopping district.

31:40 Cleo hits up Wool Street and buys four stacks of yellow wool, then goes home. Wool Street does not have an ender chest, a clear violation of the Cub Rule, but Cleo pays anyway. Chat is becoming extremely distracted by whatever is happening in Scar’s stream, to the point where Cleo’s mod bans the word “Scar” temporarily. If Scar needs help, Cleo reiterates, Scar can speak to her himself. ((If this were a video recap, there would be a smash cut here to Scar’s stream, where his profound audio issues are currently causing everything he says to turn into an unbearable auditory hellscape until he is reduced to pantomime and beatboxing just to interact with his Chat. But Cleo has no way of knowing this.))

34:10 Chat finally comes up with the good suggestion of a campfire area in the center of town. Cleo agrees with this and decides a longhouse to go with it will do the trick. They begin sketching it out when Scar puts “cLEO!” “where are yyou?” into the chat. Cleo tells him they are at their base. Chat is extremely riled up by now, telling Cleo to run, to escape, pain is coming, prepare your ears. Cameron has caught wind of what is actually happening and tells Cleo it’s not good. Cleo does not know why they should be expected to run from Scar.

35:30 Scar approaches on foot, wearing his Poe Poe skin and hat. He doesn’t say anything. Cleo says hi to him several times. He continues not to say anything. Cameron lets Cleo know that Scar’s mic is looping all desktop audio. Cleo tells Scar that he’s wonderful and she wants him to know that, but the whole no-sound thing is actually extra-creepy. She suggests that she could make things much worse by going and getting her horns.

36:30 Ren flies in, playing one of his own horns. He is clearly well-informed about the situation and intends to make it as terrible as possible. “Burning in my ears,” he sings, “the mic is echoing! It is absolutely pain, in the earholes!” Scar flies away. Cleo admits she can’t hear Scar at all, but the song has her laughing. Ren says that he and his stream are watching Scar’s stream and it is _wild._ Cleo’s Chat is in emoji-only time out right now because talking about other streams is both against the rules and all anybody wants to do. Scar flies back to the waiting pair and Ren immediately begins chanting the beginning of “My Name Is” but he doesn’t actually know the words and mostly improvises. Cleo congratulates Scar on getting her stream put into emote-only. Scar does not respond ((partly because everything Cleo says is being shredded into the nonsense avalanche of sound looping on Scar’s stream and partially because Scar also hasn’t figured out how to unmute his mic in his current OBS configuration)). Scar flies away again.

38:00 Ren and Cleo discuss the wildness of the current situation. Cameron knows what is wrong with Scar’s audio equipment, but there’s nothing they can actually do. It’s not as though they can reach through the computer and get into Scar’s audio equipment. Scar flies back, having successfully unmuted at least, and yells at them to help him. Cleo reiterates that they can’t, while Ren begins beatboxing. Cleo tells Scar he needs to reboot, but there is no way that is getting through overtop the terrible audio mess that Ren is creating. “If I say something I just echo!” Scar yells. “Echo, echo, echo!” Ren starts beatboxing again, because he is terrible. Scar flies away again. Cleo tells Ren he is mean. Funny, but mean. They are both laughing pretty hard.

40:10 In the spirit of attempting to actually be helpful, Cleo begins writing Cam’s suggestion about the problem into game chat, but is interrupted by Scar flying back while singing “Have you heard the take of Mr. Kirkland and his four-pound pie?” Ren adds backup vocals. Cleo is trying really hard to impart some actual information but it is totally buried under the audio barrage that is completely inaudible on this stream. Cleo tells Scar that he is the best, he has completely derailed everything. That isn’t bad, it’s just funny. Cleo spends a lot of streams just listening to Scar.

41:50 Ren apparently closes or mutes Scar’s stream and heaves a sigh, saying he really feels like he’s been somewhere else. Cleo bets Scar wishes he were somewhere else. A chatter plays sour jellybean. Cleo says the funniest part is when Scar unmutes suddenly to say something. Ren begins playing his guitar over his mic. “It’s getting WORSE!” Scar yells suddenly and flies away again. “You’re a mean, mean man,” Cleo tells Ren. The two of them agree that this is pretty satisfying karma for all the trolling Scar has ever done to them. Cleo shows off some of the planning they have been doing with all the wool squares. Ren looks at the 3x3 square marked off for a tent and suggests dubiously that it is a small space for a tent. Cleo assures him it’ll be fine, it’ll be made out of pants. It takes Ren a minute for figure out that the tent will be an armor stand sculpture, not a build. He thinks it’s cool.

44:30 Scar returns once more! Ren and Cleo sing to him. He flies away again. Ren turns on the stream and reports that the audio is definitely not fixed. He tells Cleo that when Scar comes back, they need to hit him with some Bohemian Rhapsody. Cleo agrees, so long as Ren handles the high parts. Ren wants to do the low parts. They practice. Cleo does have a little uncertainty on the high notes and neither of them are sure of the words, but they do a credible job. Chat is very enthusiastic about it.

46:00 Scar comes back again. His audio is still not fixed. Ren and Cleo sing to him. Chat speculates on how many horns could be made just from the shenanigans of the past thirty minutes. They forget the words and jump ahead to the “MAMAAAA” portion. Cleo decides to actually be helpful and tabs out to start sending information and screenshots from Cameron to Scar that might help fix his problem. While Cleo is tabbed out, there is no visual indicator like a menu screen but the game does freeze, leading to the strange phenomenon of Scar audibly being killed by a drowned, complete with hitting and screaming, while appearing completely fine and motionless onscreen. Chat is confused.

47:30 Cleo tabs back into the game to find the drowned attacking them now. They scold it for being on land and kill it, then survey the bits and piece Scar left scattered around as Ren tries in vain to describe the complete audio chaos that is Scar’s stream. Cleo spots Scar’s _enormous_ Poe Poe hat and starts laughing. Neither of them have any inventory space to pick up any of the scattered belongings. Ren makes a chest and does his best while thinking about other songs that he can loop into Scar’s audio purgatory. He asks Cleo if she knows a song that he describes completely as “Dadadadada, dadadadadada.” Cleo does know it enough to dadada along. ((Chat identifies the song as Sandstorm, by Darude.)) He collects up the Poe Poe hat and puts it on. The effect is striking, especially considering that his skin already has glasses. Cleo is impressed. She tells Ren she’s never said this to anyone before, but he should be a member of the Poe Poe.

49:50 Scar returns, naked but for his spare wings. He asks timorously if he can have his things. It seems possible for a moment that Scar’s audio issues are corrected, but no luck. Ren throws back all of Scar’s items, then absolutely engulfs him in the monstrous entity that is the Poe Poe hat. Cleo dissolves in laughter again. Ren starts in with Sandstorm. Cleo tells Scar that she doesn’t mind if he kills Scar. Scar says Ren might have his axe. Ren does, and throws it back while still “dadadadadada”-ing. Scar sets off several flight rockets, apparently just to add to the chaos Cleo cannot hear. Cleo tells Scar he is awesome, but whatever he is going through, she cannot relate. It is funny that Ren is being the menace right now, she says, because usually that’s Scar’s job. There’s a moment of silence, then Cleo asks Ren how long he thinks it’ll be before Scar mutes them. “Let’s keep complimenting me,” Scar suggests instead. “I like that part.” Ren starts playing guitar again. In chat, Cameron is clearly itching for a way to actually reach through the computer and fix Scar’s audio equipment.

51:50 Scar thinks he’s figured something out. He’s only getting one echo now, which is a big improvement from the four or five he’s been hearing. Cleo asks if Scar’s done the troubleshooting Cam suggested. Scar says he tried, but he’s not seeing any of the stuff Cam said he should see. Ren whispers to his Chat that he thinks they muted him. Cleo says they did not, they’re just ignoring him. Cleo reminds him that they are trying to be nice to Scar, which is quite difficult. Ren doesn’t know anything about that, he is trying to make loop tracks.

52:20 “Oh, like this is your Woodstock,” Cleo realizes. Ren agrees. “What about wood?” Scar asks. Cleo sighs and asks why Scar is like this, but Scar has clearly gotten an immediate dose of karma in the form of an innuendo that will not stop looping in his audio feed. He regrets everything. Cleo asks with some disbelief if he actually understands what he just said. Scar says he does because it won’t stop repeating in his ears. If he hears one more thing about wood he’ll go crazy! Cleo has had an epiphany. Could this be Scar’s conscience, a force that simply repeats the exact things he says back to him?

53:00 Cleo tries to help Scar disable desktop audio. This helps, but does not eliminate the problem. Cleo and Cam believe it is desktop audio and Scar is just not finding the correct source. Ren begins chanting the “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck” rhyme, because he is terrible. Scar gives up and leans into it, telling Ren to do the woodchuck thing again. Clearly those two are hearing a lot that Cleo is not hearing right now.

54:50 Scar is silent for a moment, then comes back and says he may have figured it out. “Oh?” Cleo asks. Scar asks if hypothetically, someone were to have three open sources of their own stream in the background on their desktop, could that cause this. Cleo answers “yes” in the carefully controlled voice of someone who wants to say so very, very much more. In the chat, Cameron has been reduced to ellipses. Cleo reminds Scar that the very first thing they asked him was if he had his stream open in the background. Scar admits he had three tabs of his stream open, but they were minimized so he didn’t see them. Apparently he had some trouble linking when he was trying to tweet out his stream start, and that eventually led to… all of this. Chat is melting down. Ren tells Scar “You are easily in my top ten favorite humans.” Scar cannot hear him because, on top of everything else, he is working with a broken pair of headphones old enough to be starting intermediate school in the fall. Ren types it into the game chat.

56:00 Scar adjusts Ren’s audio and tells him he has pumped him up so he can hear better. Cleo says Ren does not need pumping up, that Ren comes fully inflated at all times. Chat wants a clip of that immediately. Scar claims that nothing like this has ever happened to him before. Cleo says at least they know what the problem was now: ineptitude! Ren admits that he gave up on helping immediately and embraced the chaos. Cleo tries to say that they could help a little by passing along Cameron’s advice, but is interrupted by Scar audibly dropping his headset. Chat is just having the best time right now.

57:20 Cleo asks Scar if he’s going to get a new headset. He says “not yet” in the vocal tone of a talking dog who knows he is the one who ate all the ham. She asks why and he explains he hasn’t decided what he wants yet, and also he hates spending money. Exasperated, Cleo reminds him that this is his JOB. Scar snicker laughs and says he was thinking today that he probably does need to have a burial for this headset. He can bury it in the garage. She suggests “burying” it with a ten pound hammer. Scar says he gets sentimental and weird and very specific things: his sunglasses and this headset. He’s had the headset longer than he’s been on Hermitcraft! ((Scar joined Hermitcraft in Season 4, which started in early 2016, meaning that the headset is a minimum of eight years old and probably older.)) Cleo is appalled and insists that this proves the exact point she was trying to make. At some point the headset was good but now it is ancient and diseased and needs to be put out of its misery. Scar insists that it’s not diseased because he has replaced the ear cups several times. A brief discussion of the Headset of Theseus ensues before Cleo rejects the whole premise.

59:30 Cleo points out that if Scar’s headset is over ten years old, he is going to hear _so much_ better when it is replaces. Scar insists that it’s a good headset and gets very nostalgic about how many Hermitcraft meetings have come through that headset, but Cleo would rather not. Ren suggests that Scar needsto take the headset in a field and deal with it Office Space style. ((A famous scene in the movie Office Space involves smashing a printer to bits with a bat.)) This actually seems to appeal to Scar. The three also discuss the merits and risks of a viking funeral for the headphones. Scar likes the idea because it involves a flaming arrow. Apparently Scar did some archery when he was young and even got a couple bullseyes. His archery career was ended when his brother broke the windows on the shed with an arrow and got the bow taken away. Ren says he is scared of bow and arrows because of a time in boarding school where an older boy bullied the new kids by shooting an arrow straight into the air and making them run away from it.

1:02:00 Scar shoots an arrow into the air to illustrate the story. Ren says that brings back painful memories, yes. Scar tells them that this is the first arrow of the new HotGuy bow, because he fell into lava again yesterday and lost everything. Chat is still pretty hung up on Ren’s story. Cleo sighs that at some point they are going to just have to give Scar some kind of frequent flier discount at the bookshop. Scar clears his throat and says it’s nice that Cleo mentioned that because there is a situation where some snails stole all his diamonds… Cleo asks if he stole books from the shop. He insists that it wasn’t stealing because he is going to pay it back! He paid half at the time and the other half is on layaway, which in his mind apparently involves getting to take the items before you have finished paying for them. Cleo insists that they can’t get a new trophy with layaway diamonds!

1:02:40 Scar and Cleo find common ground over the fact that they are both currently the plaintiffs in server lawsuits. Scar is embroiled in a dispute with some snails and a man named Big Ron who may or may not be Mumbo, while Cleo is suing Doc for killing a pig they had a special emotional attachment to. Cleo’s suin’ papers have been delivered and Ren should expect a subpoena at any point. Ren says he’s not going to appear in court for less than a stack of diamonds, suggesting he is not super-familiar with the subpoena power in general and “things a witness should probably not say” in specific. Scar, confused, asks if Ren is Cleo’s lawyer. Cleo clarifies that Ren is a witness. Skizz is Cleo’s lawyer. Scar is sorry to hear that and offers his condolences to Cleo. Cleo says it’s fine because the other lawyer is Joe. She is also not going to say what she did to the judge. She clears her throat and moves on.

1:03:30 Ren reiterates the fact that if Cleo were to see her way clear to making a substantial amount of diamonds appear in Ren’s mailbox, he might just become a very enthusiastic and helpful witness. Cleo insists that all she really wants is for Doc to suffer. Ren says he just wants to make some profit off the situation. Cleo asks points out that Ren is supposed to be married to Doc. Scar agrees and says that it’s not right to get in the middle between family. He asks Cleo if this is about the pig. “Yeah, it’s about the pig,” Cleo admits, sounding a bit embarrassed about it at this point. Cleo is suing for intentional infliction of emotional distress.

1:04:10 Ren informs Scar that there was A MURDER. Scar knows about the murder, it’s tied into his investigation and he has zero leads and he doesn’t know what to do because Doc is expecting results! Cleo is confused until Scar clarifies that as a member of the Poe Poe, he is charged with investigating the diamond ore thefts that were the instigating incident for the pig murder but he has zero leads and he doesn’t know what to do. Ren immediately tells Scar he’s barking up the wrong tree because Ren of course knows absolutely nothing about the diamond snitcher and can be of no help whatsoever. Scar finds that immediate reaction very suspicious. Cleo doesn’t know from suspicions or diamond filchers, all they know is that there’s a diamond thief and it caused their pig to die. Ren admits that it is possible that his quick denial might have sounded a bit suspicious.

1:05:20 Ren admits that he was trying so hard to sound not-suspicious that he accidentally wrapped right back around to suspicious again. Scar laughs and tells him he “pulled an Impulse,” referencing Impulse’s frequent behavior from Friday Night Among Us streams. Scar decides that he has a new prime suspect. Cleo is not sure Doc will believe Ren took the diamonds. Ren says he couldn’t have thought of the prank and even if he had, he wouldn’t have the follow-through to actually do it. Cleo thinks about it and decides yeah, Ren probably doesn’t have the energy. Scar laughs and protests that he already used that as his excuse and nobody believes him!

1:06:20 Cleo says it can’t be her because she has no energy or patience to poke Doc and then have to listen to Doc rant on and on about how terrible the punishment raining down is going to be, only to have him never deliver. Ren wants to plead his case some more, but Scar is too busy laughing at Cleo’s declaration. He agrees that Doc did dole out some punishment last season, but that the threats are mostly bluster. He does a very terrible Doc impression. Cleo does another Doc impression that is also terrible but in a different way. Scar goes to sleep and Cleo points out that this area is mob proofed. Ren points out that Scar literally just died to a zombie. Cleo has to admit that’s true, but it was a water zombie. Scar points out that he died and they both just LET IT HAPPEN. Cleo protests that she was tabbed out. Ren says he was too busy looping.

1:07:40 Cleo offers Ren the opportunity to tell his story and prove his innocence. Ren goes back to the distant days of Season 8 when he and Doc were living in each others’ pockets, basically in voice chat all day long. Cleo offers condolences for that, but thinks it might make Ren more likely to want to commit a crime. Ren insists no, the opposite! He offers as character evidence the fact that False won Demise this year in part because Ren decided not to target her at the end of the game and in fact helped her although he had no reason to do so. Ren is very loyal to his particular people, and Doc is one of them, so therefore QED Ren cannot possibly be the ore snatcher.

1:08:50 “So you’re saying it’s False,” Scar summarizes. Cleo agrees that is what they got from the story as well. Ren insists that False is way too busy to be doing ore snatching with all the river building, etc. Cleo agrees that this is true, except that Ren just told them it was False. “Did I?” he asks, bewildered. Scar and Cleo both heard it. Scar says sometimes you just need to stop talking because you just keep digging, a subject he himself is well-versed in. Cleo says Ren is incapable of stopping talking. Ren suggests pulling footage of several Among Us streams to prove something about his character, but Cleo interrupts, saying that if they’re pulling footage, Cleo can just pull the bit showing Ren killing the pig. Cleo corrects herself a moment later to say Doc killing the pig, but Ren seizes on the slip as the reason innocent folks like himself get sent to jail. Chat is going to clip that and then everyone is going to think he’s the pig murderer. The soundbite where he says “I’m the pig murderer” in a low sinister voice probably will also not help his clip issues.

1:10:30 Scar moves the conversation along by suggesting more Hermits as potential suspects. This turns into an incredibly lengthy and wide-ranging conversation that is much more concisely summed up in the Reddit document devoted to it. Cub eventually joins in as well to defend himself from some accusations against himself and to throw out some of his own. Joe comes along as well a little later but is less interested in levying accusations and more interested in litigating the unfairness of the fact that he had the idea to mess with the diamond ore first but someone else ran with it and has caused a commotion that could have been his. The conversation lasts for nearly an hour.

2:06:00 The argument turns to whether or not a sophisticated redstoner would be required in order to snatch the ores out of Doc’s machine without breaking it. ((There was an early belief that Ore Snatch #2 did break the machine, but careful video analysis reveals that Doc simply did not notice the ore when it was first removed and that the machine remained unbroken until later on when Ren and Scar came over during Ren’s stream and Ren poked at it. That is actually how the armor stand deployed and the inventory shifted.)) Most of the Hermits present claim to have not even seen the redstone circuitry in question, so a field trip is obviously in order. They all fly over to the armor trim shop.

2:07:20 Scar plays the Poe Poe Siren horn as they fly to the shop, which probably makes this an official Poe Poe visit of some sort. They land outside the shop and Ren worries about spoilers, but most of the shop has been around for awhile. Scar gets distracted by a wandering trader while the rest of the group goes into the shop to look around. Ren points out one of the circuits where a replaced ore block is still visible, commenting that looking down into the circuitry is enough to make him feel panicky. Cleo looks at the armor stands instead and mostly feels offended. Joe points out that most of the redstone circuitry is inert while the machine is not active. As long as one doesn’t touch a block that is powered or, like, pseudopowered? He cannot remember the correct word ((possibly something to do with quasiconnectivity?)) but as long as someone wasn’t removing a block that powered something, they should be able to do it with no trouble.

2:08:20 Cleo abandons the redstone discussion to fiddle with the armor stands that are particularly offending her. One statue has the arm buried inside the chest and that is just unacceptable. She fixes the armor stand to give the statue a more natural posture. Joe says that surely it’s fine and Doc definitely will not get upset about people adjusting things in this room, of all places. Cleo scoffs and says Doc won’t know. The others begin discussing whether the shop is actually open for business, with Joe deliberately muddying the waters by pointing out that the shop must be open because it has no door or anything keeping people from walking inside. Cleo continues making small adjustments to the postures of the statues and is busy with a fish-headed model when suddenly the alarm goes off. It is impossible to tell from Cleo’s perspective who broke the block that triggered the alarm, but all the Hermits who entered the building are still on the main sales floor when she turns around to look. ((Ren’s POV on this is also useless as he was freecamming into the redstone, but Scar’s stream POV shows that Cub placed a magma block at the top of the front doorframe of the shop and broke it, which triggered the alarm. It’s not clear what Cub was doing, but “being a smartass about the is-the-shop-open question” is a fairly safe bet.))

2:09:10 Ren warns everyone to stay up top as the alarm system is dangerous. Scar immediately notices that there is now a Warden in the depths of the machine. Cleo laughs and reminds everyone to be quiet. All the Hermits mill around on the glass display floor to try and get a glimpse of the Warden. Scar asks why it’s not attacking them all. Cleo suggests that it might be distracted by the noise of the alarm itself. Ren says it’s just climbing the stairs and they’d better get going. The world turns black. The Hermits flee.

2:10:20 The Hermits regroup on the grassy lawn well outside Doc’s shop. Cleo is still laughing pretty hard. Ren says “So yeah, that’s the scene of the crime.” Cub wonders if the wandering trader will be killed by the warden. Scar is worried; that trader has gilded blackstone miniblocks and Scar wants him alive. The Warden does not appear to be making an appearance now that everyone has left, though. Cub, Joe and Scar head back towards the building to see what’s happening inside, but Cub and Scar turn back well before the door, driven back by the obnoxious noises of the alarm. Joe goes straight into the building. Ren speculates why someone would want to investigate now, if not to find better ways to get in later. Scar points out that with the alarm already tripped, it’s basically free game now until Doc resets it. Joe only stays inside for a few moments before coming back out. Scar shoots an arrow at him but doesn’t connect.

2:11:40 Somewhat belatedly, the group starts to wonder what triggered the alarm. Cleo suggests that surely someone must have gone down into the redstone. Ren suddenly wonders whether freecam possibly could’ve activated it. Cub pooh-poohs that idea but nobody else is sure. Ren says it’s not a very good alarm if it can trigger just from a customer entering the shop. ((Ren is acting like he doesn’t know what triggers the alarm, which is strange since he helped test it and should know full well that it is breaking blocks.)) Chat knows that the alarm trigger is breaking blocks. Cub admits he placed and broke some magma blocks. Cleo demands to know whether they can set off the alarm so easily, by just setting down a block and breaking it. They are going to annoy Doc _so much _ with this knowledge. Scar suddenly realizes that this means there is very little effective way to pay for items in the shop, since pulling a wallet from a shulker box, placing it down and picking it up again would trigger the alarm. It is not, they decide, a very good alarm system.

2:12:40 Cub decides he’s going in. The others stay outside and talk about whether or not they were scared of the warden, a bell curve that seems to have a lot to do with how much they played the lower levels of Decked Out 2. Cub types in chat that it’s fine, then flies back and tells them that he did get blasted. “Nice,” Cleo compliments. Cleo is of two minds whether they should all keep their mouths shut or leave some kind of sign at the door for Doc. Scar is worried about property damage, but the sonic shriek does not break blocks, only players. Cleo does like the idea of Doc thinking his alarm caught the culprit, then getting linked to the stream and realizing it is just a bunch of bumbling Hermits. They also think it is funny that now the Glitcher actually can do anything they want in the next few hours until the alarm is reset. Nobody else knows the name “The Glitcher,” or at least they are pretending not to. Cleo consults with Chat and passes along the knowledge that the name The Glitcher was provided to Doc on a sign after one of the ore thefts. Scar thinks that this new name sounds a lot like the work of one Cubfan and plays his Darth Vader breathing horn in an attempt to intimidate him into a confession. It does not work. In the background, Joe has left the group and gone back towards the shop, but drops out of sight at the base of the sand pile and eventually flies back around to rejoin the group without actually going inside.

2:15:10 Cub pushes the Grian and/or Scar theory again, but that’s been discussed before. Ren decides that after an hour and fifteen minutes, they are not even a tiny bit closer to figuring out whodunnit. But there is a warden in the shop now, so that’s something? Scar thinks that a warden has got to be bad for Doc’s business, right? Cleo doesn’t believe that Doc cares at all about the success of his business, mostly because he’s being paid in sand. Doc is just being dramatic. Cub circles back around to “The Glitcher” and the quotation marks around it are audible. He asks if it’s true there was a sign. He and Scar both want to see a screenshot from Chat. Chat thinks Cub is pretending a little too hard.

02:17:00 Cleo and Ren both suggest putting up signs purporting to be from the Glitcher, solely for the purpose of trolling Doc. Scar insists that they cannot do that, he is the investigator and he is supposed to be _helping._ Ren thinks it would be very funny to have a sign reading “Soz for tripping your alarm, -The Pincer” (Or Pincher, it’s hard to say.)) Cleo gives him a sign and tells him to have at it. Scar protests loudly again and says they can’t do that. Ren clearly considers it, but then says he cannot do it either, he is Doc’s husband. Cleo grabs the sign and runs for the shop.

2:18:40 Cleo braves the terrible noises of the shop to place a sign in the doorway reading “LOL, Failed Again!” Ren is right behind her and protests that she didn’t add the part about The Pincer. She agrees she did not, because that is LAME. Scar gets the screenshot he wanted from his Discord chat and suddenly remembers Doc talking about these signs. Apparently Doc saw that there was a misspelling on one of the signs and (in Scar’s words) decided to blame the dumbest guy in the crew. Cub also believes that a misspelled sign points in Scar’s direction. The new sign is not going to serve well as a piece of evidence, given that there is a lot of stream evidence about who placed it and why and when, but Cleo doesn’t care. Doc deserves to be wound up, he murdered Cleo’s pig.

2:19:50 Ren has to admit that even though Doc is his husband, he does have something to answer for when it comes to Pig Murder. Scar is paying attention to his chat for once, he tells the others to hang on because an investigation is taking place in his Discord. While Scar is so ostentatiously distracted, Cleo begins handing out a few judicious gifts of diamonds, though the stream lag inherent in a bunch of hermits together leaves a lot of room for them to steal from one another. Cleo becomes convinced that Joe has become the recipient of diamonds they intended to go elsewhere and begins beating him like a pinata in the hopes they will disgorge. In the background, Scar announces that his chat believes Big Salmon is behind the whole thing, but he has no idea what that means. Joe flies away. Scar swears he saw Grian walking around near Doc’s shop, but Cleo has no POV angle to confirm or deny that. Cameron informs Cleo that Ren got the diamonds and is lying about it. Cleo congratuates Grian on some excellent trolling. They go up to the shop, but do not find Grian. Cleo thinks that sneaking in under everyone’s noses for trolling is huge Grian energy.

2:22:20 Ren finds a sign on the sand store that was not there earlier. “Sorry about your alarm, Scar, Chief Investigator.” Scar swears he did not put it there, and indeed he would’ve had a very hard time doing so because he has been moving and talking with the group basically the entire time. Ren insists the sign is there, and it was even glow-inked. Cub says that must’ve been Grian, so Grian is a suspect too. Even as he says it, Joe throws a handful of glow inks out of his inventory and onto the ground. Scar notices it right away. Cleo points the finger at Joe. Joe says he said ten minutes ago that he was going to put up a sign on Scar’s behalf apologizing for the alarm, but nobody ever listens to him. Cleo laughs and says they love it when a plan comes together, they just wish it was theirs. The others are skeptical. Scar points out that Cleo is really pumping the ego of whoever did this and that’s a little suspicious. Cleo says that if they were the culprit, they would’ve told everyone. Joe points out that Cleo could’ve told everyone and it might not have changed anything. After all, Joe told everyone he was going to place the sign and nobody listened to that! Cleo points out that people actually listen to them.

2:24:30 Scar has a thought, forgets it immediately, then immediately remembers it again. He wants to know why his Chat is so insistent that it is Beef. ((Scar’s chat is very devoted to the Big Salmon Theory.)) Why would it be Beef? Cleo laughs and says every single one of them knows why it isn’t Beef right now, and that Beef is too busy to be getting up to any kind of shenanigans. The others agree and warn Scar not to say anything or else there will be real trouble. Scar suggests that Beef’s gonna have a beef with him, but he doesn’t offer any further hints. ((Cleo is obliquely referring to an announcement Beef will make the next day; he and his wife are expecting their first child and thus Beef has way bigger salmon to fry than moonlighting as the Ore Snatcher.)) Cub explains that Beef was part of the Big Salmon consortium that feuded with Doc and Big Wood at the start of the season, but that feud is pretty much over now. They all admire the Big Salmon floating in the Hourglass.

2:26:00 Scar reports that his Chat has turned around on the Beef question, they believe Cleo that it cannot be Beef. The group goes back to trying to decide who the Ore Snatcher actually is, aside from Joe who is still mad it isn’t him. They each go around the circle and give Scar a theory, but none of them seem better supported than the others. Scar says this is all useless, but he’s going to go get a search warrant to search everyone’s storage systems. Ren asks if Scar is going to search his own storage system, perchance? Scar says he’ll have Doc do it. Ren is satisfied by that. Cleo says that’ll definitely work, because nobody on this server except the culprit has deepslate diamond ore, surely.

2:29:00 Scar’s favorite theory is that it was Doc himself, causing drama by stealing his own diamonds. The others think that’s a funny theory. Joe says his favorite theory is that the Scicraft guys got in touch with Karin, Doc’s partner, and gave her detailed instructions on how to carry out the thefts in retribution for unspecified petty wrongs. Whenever Doc is out of the house with Doccy, she’s sneaking onto the server with his account and stealing the diamonds based on detailed tutorials. Scar loves this idea. Ren asks if that means Karin has to come to court. Nobody is sure if she even has a Minecraft account. She might have to make one to come to court.

2:30:40 Cleo laughs and suggests that this has all been a big ploy to jump-start Karin’s YouTube career. Joe is taken by this idea and suggests it would be an amazing spinoff series, Karin and Mrs. Tango and Lizzie Shadow-Beans, but they’re all thieves. Ren puts forth a suggestion from his chat that maybe it _is_ Lizzie, pranking Doc when Joel is out of the house. Cleo thinks Karin is a more likely suspect than Lizzie. Scar admits it’s unlikely, but hilarious. Cleo says that now it is imperative that some Hermit’s spouse begins pranking the server. Joe says that now that his fiance Badgerspanner has heard that, she’s going to demand to be able to do it. Cleo laughs and points out that Joe will get blamed for that. Joe cheerfully announces that he knows, and it’s just going to make more work for Cleo because she’s going to have to explain to him why, when everybody thought it was a funny idea during this stream. Scar suddenly chimes in with “Desperate Hermitwives” from his Chat.

2:32:50 Cleo wants to wrap up, but she stays long enough to hear one more Bdubs theory. Ren wants to know what better way there could be to get people into the court for lawsuits than by causing a bunch of trouble? Cub likes that idea, but Cleo and Scar argue about whether the court actually costs money. Cub is still accusing Scar though, saying that nobody has more to gain from crimes on the server than the Poe Poe. Scar protests, saying he and Bdubs are the Judicial system and devoted to stopping crime! Because the police are never corrupt, right? The argument continues for a moment until Scar finally says “I touched Doc’s boring machine, I blew it up, I banged it too hard, and I’m not interested in banging Doc’s redstone anymore.”

2:34:35 There is a moment of silence. Cleo announces she is leaving. It’s been a lovely stream, they should do this again sometime never. She flies away laughing and insisting that nobody should ever ask Scar why, because No. Cleo apologizes to Chat for getting nothing useful done, but Chat clearly does not care. Cleo goes back to full screen to thank subs and donos, then says that even though she didn’t plan a lot, she did technically plan the plan, which was the plan all along. So that’s something. Cleo raids into Rendog and (with a brief interruption from Joe and his train whistle) ends their stream.

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Skizzekai- First Few Days Summary

Now that the asks have calmed down a bit, and hermits have been established, here's a summary post to get a general idea of where we're working from. I've also cleaned up any plotholes best I can.

Skizz, a human from Earth, was summoned to this fantasy world by god-king Joel. A prophecy stated he would defeat a great evil. It did not explain how. He keeps a journal to help him figure things out and keep track of everything.

Over his adventures so far, Skizz has made both allies and enemies, and picked up a magical necklace from travelling merchants. His suit also picked up durability enchantments somewhere, but only after the sleeves came off. The necklace was made for mages, gathering and focusing ambient magic for their use. It was not designed for a creature with no magic of their own.

He probably wouldn't have stayed human either way, but the necklace certainly sped it up. He's adapted to the world, become able to use it's magic, and dragonfly wings have begun to sprout from his back.

This could be concerning. But Skizz finds he loves his wings, his adaptation to the world that is gradually becoming his home. He embraces it. Maybe he really does belong here. Maybe soon he'll even be able to fly.

Joel, the ruler of the lore kingdom and recently ascended god, was originally an ogre- but after the belief of his people sent him through a few transformations, he's settled into his divine status. He can look however he wants now! But an ogre form is still most natural to him. Just a really tall and handsome ogre.

Skizz finds quick allies in Tango, Impulse, and Zed. Tango is a being of fire, with strong flame magic connected to his emotions. He is also in possession of a magical deck of cards. Zedaph, apprentice of Death Himself, joined their group after bringing Skizz back from the dead. He insisted on the completion of some difficult tasks first, but now they're buddies! He's also capable of reality distortion magic, knows alchemy, and has a card of luck magic Tango gave him. Everyone is terrified of Zedaph. Probably for good reason.

Impulse.... may not have intended to become an ally. The demonic man used to work for the forces of evil- before Skizz showed up, and his doubts became a true betrayal to join the side of good. They became fast friends. He doesn't want Skizz to become lost like the last hero was.

That last hero is one Gemini Tay, human-turned-Drowned, who was summoned a few years back, and is not happy about Skizz. It's like she's not even needed anymore. She puts a bounty on Skizz's head. She cannot accept her failure.

Chasing that bounty is False, harpy and former pirate queen. She may have had to leave her crew after that deal lead to a mild case of possession, but she still appreciates some good treasure. That's why she's been working as a travelling merchant.

Her fellow merchants, Cub and Scar, are equally possessed but not quite as motivated. They mostly just like messing with people. Including Skizz. Maybe especially Skizz. They are fae, after all.

Skizz did have one unfortunate interaction with them- he got his name taken for a bit. Fortunately, after returning Scar's cat familiar to him, the name was given back.

Gem isn't the only former human in this world. Joe Hills, a half-ghost living in the republic of the undead, was summoned from Nashville a while back, and befriended Prime Minister Cleo along the way.

Cleo's republic was once a kingdom, run by Ren, but as soon as she got the throne she declared the monarchy over. She got voted in, and Ren is her second in command. Together they run the place, maintaining the army of constructs and fighting back against the sculk creeping into the tunnels.

Most humans that end up in this world don't tend to stay human long. The ambient magic eventually soaks in and alters them, and most embrace it. The changes are a new beginning, or a sign of belonging in this strange world. But Hypno did not embrace it.

No, Hypno was the human half of a changeling deal, and has been clinging to his humanity for quite a while. He's even gotten hold of an artifact, somehow, that pushes the ambient magic out of his body, keeping him human. His friend, Jevin, is a slime guy who enjoys being a slime guy, and doesn't understand this drive to stay human one bit. Magic is cool.

Other hermits that I couldn't neatly tie into the one ramble:

Wels is a selkie proficient in bard magic, and a former member of False's crew.

Stress is a fae queen who rules a kingdom specializing in ice magic, with Iskall as her loyal bodyguard.

TFC is a miner of unknown species who helped Skizz out during a quest

Mumbo is not a vampire, thank you very much. He's actually the former god of the night who lost half his power. Vampires were made from that stolen half.

Pearl is a moth fae who used to rule a prosperous kingdom... until a talking dog came to advise her, corrupting her into a cruel and evil queen. She has since slain the beast, fled into exile, and changed her ways. She now works delivering mail.

Etho and Bdubs are plant constructs, guarding a deep and dangerous jungle. Etho may have a metallic shell, but he's all plant inside. Doc and Beef guard the jungle as well, the four of them ensuring safe passage for travellers. Doc in particular has the ability to become absolutely gigantic.

Xisuma was a bubbling puddle of nothing that became a person and sustains itself on bones. Far too many bones. Bones in places they really should not be, such as outside the skin.

Keralis is a unicorn! He is also a menace who is very protective of his magic, refusing to use it unless he feels like it. Claims to be able to read the value of souls. Bothers xB by calling him the princess of the lake. xB is not a princess.

Grian is... something. He's strange, is what he is. He's a nice guy, and helpful to Skizz, but has these weird mutterings about "watchers", and what was that about accidentally stealing Mumbo's power?

And that's the AU so far! It's still going, so send in more ideas when you have them. Happy headcanoning!

[hmshermitcraft]

You know what was worse than two people pining for each other? Three people pining for each other. And they are all terrible at telling the signs.

It’s clear as day that False, Stress and Cleo all like each other, but for some god forsaken reason or another, they deny the possibility that the other two reciprocate said feelings.

Iskall is tempted to forge letters from each of the girls just to put them on a “hangout” (read: Date) to maybe hopefully get them to confess their feelings for each other.

Joe’s tried helping Cleo come up with ideas for confessions but each time they just claim that the other two wouldn’t be interested. He’s beginning to consider if he has to be subtle about the purpose of the ideas.

Heck even Mr married-to-at-the-same-time-not-married-to-Doc AKA Ren is about to lose his mind at False. Like the two girls are clearly flirting with you what do you mean they probably “mean it in a platonic way???”

The hermits genuinely thought the girls couldn’t get worse after Gem and Pearl’s whole fiasco

It could be so easy. But instead they're stuck in a loop of self-doubt and denial.

At this point, an actual confession may not even be enough - they'll still find a way to call it a friend thing! Some of the hermits are beginning to wonder if they don't have nearly exciting enough friendships, with an the excuses these three are using.

[thetomorrowshow]

Whumptober 30 - Recovery

title: one of the vaguer divinities

fandom: hermitcraft smp

more of sleep cycle :)

~

The moment they get back is when Tango finally bursts into tears.

He’d been holding them back for a week now, and when everyone had burst in with the rescue party he’d still held them back, too focused on getting Impulse out of his binds and letting the man slump against him, entirely unconscious.

But stepping onto Hermitcraft, seeing the colorful spawn with everyone’s starter houses and being surrounded by worried faces, loud and pushing forward? That’s the final straw.

Tango practically collapses, his sobs shaking his frame so badly that he can’t hold himself up anymore. He would have fallen to the ground entirely, if it wasn’t for Bdubs suddenly at his side, supporting him as they all move quickly toward the medical building set up for this express purpose.

Tango lets Bdubs help him to a bed, despite the fact that he’s really just got a couple of bruises. He watches, through his relentless tears, as Doc fights the effects of the turtle-master potion that they ease down his throat, one arm missing and a screwdriver stuck in his eye. He watches as Ren chews on his nails, wincing every time Scar rubs a bit more fire-resistance into the burns on the soles of his feet. He watches as Mumbo trembles and panics silently, refusing all touch and offers of sedation. He watches as Impulse lies entirely still, Cleo and Joe trying to categorize the plethora of injuries that litter his body.

“I don’t need to be here,” he chokes out, but Bdubs just pushes him onto his back.

“You can rest, Tango,” he insists. “It’s okay. We got you out.”

He has rested. He has.

He’s a little bit tired from the rescue, though, so he doesn’t fight to get back up, just lies there and lets Gem check his vitals.

When she gives him the all-clear, Tango sits back up. When it becomes clear that no one’s paying a lot of attention to him, too focused on the others, he slips out of the room. When he runs into no opposition, he makes a break for it, sprinting for the nearest Ender chest to collect his elytra.

With no eyes on him, Tango flies home.

-

He isn’t avoiding Impulse.

He really, really isn’t. It’s just that Decked Out takes all his time, anyways. It isn’t out of the ordinary for him to be buried in work in his fortress, too busy to do more than casually respond to messages.

They have to take Impulse off-world for surgery. Something about his shoulders that they want to make sure is sorted before they force a respawn. Tango shows up when they bring him back, sleepy and not-quite-there, but he can’t bring himself to enter the room and just watches from the doorway, before eventually leaving, handing a ‘get well’ card to Gem to give to him.

He spends the rest of his time in the inner mechanisms of Decked Out. He sees the notification for Impulse’s death and respawn, following Ren’s, and later joined by Doc’s. They’d decided that Mumbo’s wouldn’t change anything, as most of the visible effects that the imprisonment had had on him were malnutrition and wouldn’t be solved by a respawn.

Tango hadn’t even had any clue that Mumbo was trapped in there with them. He hadn’t known until False had emerged from the building with a trembling Mumbo in her arms.

Tango also hadn’t merited a respawn, but he wasn’t hurt. It was Impulse who was hurt the most, he thinks. Even Doc and Ren got to sleep. Even Doc and Ren got breaks.

Tango works absentmindedly on the wiring of one of the key releases while he thinks, debating on whether or not he should message Impulse.

He shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t, so there shouldn’t be any inner debate.

He really wants to, though.

Impulse had made it clear that he didn’t want to see him. He’d glimpsed him in the doorway after returning home from the surgery and had turned away with a shudder, and maybe that had been instrumental in Tango leaving, because clearly Impulse couldn’t stand the sight of him.

Tango remembers what he said, back in that awful place. About how he never wanted to see Tango again.

The least he can do is honor that wish. He tried so hard to show Impulse that he didn’t want to hurt him, that he was forced to, but it obviously hadn’t worked. And that was okay! It wasn’t Impulse’s fault that Tango’s face was linked to his trauma. If it makes it easier for Impulse to get better, Tango would happily never see him again.

Well. Not happily, he supposes. But he’ll do it, for Impulse.

It keeps him up at night. Thinking about Impulse, about everything that he could’ve done to try and make it even better.

He could’ve given in.

He could have, and it wouldn’t have been too huge of a problem! He could’ve said it’ll take a while, then start designing some crappy piece of redstone and spend days on it, long enough to let the others find them. It was only a week, after all. He could have done that, and then Impulse would be fine.

It’s his fault, really.

He’s the one who held out so stubbornly, he’s the one who beat Impulse, he’s the one who got to sleep.

He’s the one—

Zzzt!

Tango yelps as the wires he’s holding suddenly zap him; drops them to the stoney ground.

What’s that all about?

He picks them back up, muttering darkly about his singed fingers, and examines the wire ends. They look fine, but when he tries to connect them, they short-circuit again, shocking him a second time.

Tango curses, then reaches into the shulker box behind him. He can replace them, he’ll just need. . . .

He’s out.

Perfect. Well, it’s not like he was making much progress, anyway. He’s been working on this one spot for hours, now, and it’s absolutely time to go for a walk or something to clear his head.

Something to stop thinking about the abrupt end to his and Impulse’s friendship.

It’s nighttime when Tango leaves, which comes as a surprise, because wasn’t it nighttime last time he left to grab a bite to eat? He’s been working for longer than he thought, no wonder his work was getting slow.

He should probably go to Scar’s redstone shop, but the place is overpriced at the best of times. Maybe he can just dip in on Cub and steal some? Surely the guy wouldn’t notice.

His thoughts of thievery are cut short, however, by the sound of demonic screeching behind him. Tango grimaces. Phantoms.

iBuy looms ahead of him. iBuy sells some redstone stuff, right? It has string, at least, and he definitely needs string.

Impulse won’t be in. It’s the middle of the night; nobody else will even be up, let alone Impulse. Why would Impulse visit his own shop, anyway? The only reason to visit one’s own shop is to restock, and there’s no reason anyone would be restocking at this time.

Why would he even think to steal Cub’s redstone before checking iBuy? It makes sense to go there first. It’s closer, everything will be sorted, no chance of accidentally running into someone. Way better.

That doesn’t stop the dread creeping up his throat when he lands on the doorstep.

The first drops of a midnight rain shower are hitting the ground when he hurries in, slamming the door to the shop right before the phantoms swoop in after him. They continue to attack the side of the building and windows, but Tango ignores him as much as he ignores the rain picking up.

Tango starts browsing the shop, glancing around for the particular wires that he needs. He doesn’t see a redstone section, but that’s not the end of the world—he needs to restock on several things, really. Good thing he ended up going to iBuy. The place had just about everything (redstone not included).

He nabs some shulker shells, then an entire box of bamboo (he doesn’t need near that much for his scaffolding plans, but he isn’t sure how to pay half a diamond for only half a box so he just gets the whole thing). He’s about to head up to the fourth floor when—

“Tango?”

Tango shrieks, spinning around.

Impulse.

Impulse is standing there, among the shelves, and he looks—

The shadows under his eyes are dark and thick, his stubble is almost a beard. His hair is unbrushed, and he still looks too thin, a bit hunched over on himself.

He looks tired.

Tango’s fingers twitch.

“You should be sleeping,” Tango blurts out, then curses silently as Impulse winces.

“You’re the one with the phantoms,” he replies, gesturing toward the window.

True. Still. “Yeah, but that’s . . . that’s normal. What are you even doing here?”

“Restocking.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“What are you doing?”

“Uh. Shopping.”

Impulse raises an eyebrow. Okay, maybe it is a bit hypocritical. Can he blame Impulse for being here when he’s here, as well?

“You should still be in bed. You know. . . .” Tango waves vaguely, hoping he doesn’t need to say it.

Impulse’s face shutters closed. “Right. Thanks.”

He’s messed up.

He’s messed up big time. Impulse looks down at his shoes, and Tango’s such an idiot, because of course Impulse doesn’t want to think about it, of course he doesn’t want to see Tango—

Tango doesn’t wait a moment longer. He steps back into the elevator and shoots down to the first floor, where he sprints out the door. He’d rather take the rain and the phantoms over hurting Impulse any more.

Some secret, lonely part of him hopes that Impulse will follow him, drag him into some sort of cover to keep him dry and safe from the phantoms.

He doesn’t.

-

“I miss him,” Tango admits, cursing his throat for choking up.

Doc raises an eyebrow.

Tango hasn’t left his fortress since that terrible midnight encounter, so Doc had had to track him down. Tango had seen in chat that Doc was uncomfortable with being alone, followed by multiple Hermits volunteering to get a schedule of people hanging out with him until he felt a bit better. Tango had loved the idea, but hadn’t put his own name in.

It seems like that didn’t matter. Doc found him anyway, in the depths of Decked Out.

“He doesn’t want to be around me, and that’s fine,” he continues. “But—I mean, it’s Impulse. He was one of my best friends. It’s hard.”

“Why did you say, ‘was’?” Doc asks, frowning. “He did not die.”

“I mean, we aren’t best friends anymore. So, was. You know?”

Doc stares at him for a long time. “Tango, you look exhausted,” he says. “Are you sleeping?”

Tango waves him off. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Is Impulse sleeping? Do you know?”

“Maybe you should ask him.”

“I don’t want to upset him.”

“Why would you upset him?”

“Because—he doesn’t want me around, okay?”

Doc hums. “I would think that if you were best friends, he would be missing you as much as you are missing him.”

“He isn’t. He—he doesn’t want to see me.” Tango runs his hands through his hair and finally sits down, abandoning the fine detailing he’d been painting onto the wall of this room. Doc has been seated in a chair for the past thirty minutes, watching Tango paint, but he hadn’t brought a second chair, so Tango ends up on the floor. “You don’t know what I did to him.”

“No,” Doc shrugs. He grimaces at the movement, but keeps rotating his half-built mechanical arm. “Stupid wires,” he mutters. “Keep pinching. No, I do not know what you did to him. I do not know what he did to you.”

“He didn’t—”

“We all did something to each other,” Doc says, waving his hand dismissively. “You feel guilty. Do you know how to overcome that guilt?”

Tango knows what Doc wants to hear. He knows that Doc is going to tell him that the only way to overcome the guilt is make things right with Impulse.

He messes with the laces of his boots for a moment. “I hurt him,” he says eventually, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “I—they wouldn’t let him sleep, but they let me sleep, and—and to keep him awake, I hurt him. I chose to, I thought I’d be—be better than his guards. I kept him awake. I—I was his hell for a whole week, and he said—”

He can’t get it out.

A tear drips down his nose.

“That sounds . . . very hard,” Doc responds after a moment, sounding uncomfortable. “But I’m sure—”

“I can’t make that right,” Tango cries. “I can’t—I don’t deserve to. I don’t deserve his forgiveness. And he won’t forgive me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He said—he—he never wants to—to see me, ever again! I can’t. I can’t try to—to overstep that. I can’t!”

He buries his face in his knees, hiding from Doc’s judgemental eyes. He sobs, then, just as he had when they got back to Hermitcraft, five days and a lifetime ago.

“I . . . I hurt Mumbo,” Doc admits after a long moment, and Tango looks up.

Doc’s face is twisted in some strange mixture of guilt and disgust, his fingers tapping against his chair. “They—I am having a hard time talking about it. They made me choose to hurt either Mumbo or Ren. I—I’m ashamed to say I hurt Mumbo.”

Oh.

Oh, that sounds terrible. Having to pick between two friends, knowing that in one’s safety is the other’s condemnation? That’s the worst.

And that answers the question of how Doc had known that Mumbo was there, when no one else had any clue.

“Dude, that sucks,” Tango manages, running the heel of his hand over his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. I . . . I have not told Mumbo, yet. I don’t know if he knew it was me. I want to apologize to him but . . . I don’t want him to hate me.”

“It isn’t your fault, though,” argues Tango. “Like, it isn’t your fault they made you hurt someone. I’m sure Mumbo will forgive you, he’ll get it.”

“Yes, but I chose to hurt him. I could have chosen Ren.”

“That just means you would have to be apologizing to Ren right now,” Tango says. “Like, either way, someone would get hurt. You say it was your choice, but they didn’t give you a real choice. That isn’t your fault.”

Doc nods, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. “I will talk to Mumbo,” he says eventually. “And you will talk to Impulse.”

“I—what?”

“All the advice you just gave me? It isn’t my fault? Mumbo will forgive me? I did not have a real choice?”

“It’s not—”

“It is not the same,” Doc agrees before Tango can even fully say it. “But the solution is no different. Let’s meet again in three days and report back, okay?”

Doc stands, nods, and leaves.

And Tango?

Tango throws a paintbrush at the stupid wall and goes back to crying.

-

It takes Zed staging an ‘accidental’ meeting for Tango to see Impulse next, two days after Doc talks to him.

“Oh my goodness! Impulse! I didn’t know you were coming to the shopping district, too!”

“You invited me,” Impulse says, eyes fixed on Tango.

“Well. Now how about that? My memory these days,” Zed says, shaking his head sadly. “Speaking of, I forgot! I have a Zedvancement with Cleo right now! Silly me, making all these scheduling errors. I guess I’ll just have to leave you two here!”

And Zed leaves.

Tango’s pretty sure that Doc is genuinely going to show up to their recap meeting, so even though Impulse looks like he’s about to leave again, Tango goes for it.

“I’m so so sorry,” he blurts out, and Impulse freezes.

“What?”

“I’m really sorry for what I did, and—I didn’t want to, I hated it, and it kills me that I did it, and you don’t have to forgive me but I needed to tell you sorry.”

Impulse doesn’t answer for a long moment. When he does, it’s with slight confusion painting his haggard features. “Dude, what?”

Tango tries to rub away the burning of his eyes. He can’t cry again, not when he’s finally facing Impulse. “I’m sorry for hurting you,” he says, as clearly as he can. “I should’ve done something to help you. I should’ve been someone safe, but I hurt you, just like them. I—I know you don’t want to see me again, and that’s okay. I just wanted to say sorry.”

Impulse bites his lip. “Did you and Zed plan this?”

“Oh, absolutely not,” Tango says, trying (and failing) to laugh. “That’s all Zed. Sorry about that—I didn’t want to make you talk to me.”

Tango looks away, now. He’s probably two seconds away from crying, and he’s not going to do that right now. He doesn’t want to guilt-trip Impulse.

“I don’t hate you, Tango,” Impulse says, and Tango’s head jerks back to him.

What?

Impulse’s eyes are wet, his face open and honest. He sticks his hands in his pockets. “Dude, I’m sorry. I thought—it doesn’t matter. Why do you think I don’t want to see you again?”

“I—you said it. Back—when—”

Impulse pulls a face. “I don’t remember a lot of those last few days. But—but I was definitely lashing out, I know that. Whatever I said, I didn’t mean it, promise. I just—why didn’t you come talk to me?”

“I—I thought you didn’t want to see me.” It’s a surprise to Tango when Impulse makes up the distance between them with two giant steps and wraps him in a hug.

He missed this. He really, really missed Impulse’s hugs, the way Tango fits just perfectly between his arms. Impulse’s hugs mean comfort, home, happiness.

Tango’s crying before he can stop himself, clinging to Impulse like he never has before. Impulse is crying, too, he realizes, squeezing Tango almost too tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Tango sobs, and he’s sorry for everything, for the kidnapping and the torture and avoiding him and the crying, and probably a bunch of other stuff. He hopes Impulse picks up on all that.

“I forgive you,” Impulse tells him, voice hitching.

Tango hadn’t needed medical help. He had sat on the bed and watched his friends be healed, before slipping away. He hadn’t thought he had anything to be healed.

He was wrong.

Here, now, in Impulse’s arms, he thinks he finally starts healing from a wound he hadn’t realized he had.

[aliteral-ghost]

This is something I wrote for a trial run of a 100 minute event where the entire fic is outlined, written, and posted in 100 minutes. I had so much fun writing this and figuring out how to write it in 100 minutes! The prompt I chose to write was a roommates au :)

~~~~~~~~~~

To have a home

Cleo has just brought her first box into the apartment when she hears a little cough from the doorway.

“Long time no see,” a far-too-familiar voice says, smile tinging his voice. Cleo nearly punctures a hole in the box she's carrying.

“No. There's no way this happened. This can't be right.”

“Oh, it is, Cleo,” Etho says, grinning. “I requested you.” Cleo stares at him, mouth wide open. The last time they spoke it was a massive, blowout fight about… well, they can't remember. Probably something stupid Etho did. And now they're roommates?

“Okay,” Cleo says slowly, setting the box down so she doesn't throw it at him. “Why?”

He puts on an impressive set of puppy dog eyes and walks over, placing a hand on their shoulder. Cleo doesn't shrug it off, but she wants to.

“I missed you,” Etho says. “Remember how it was freshman year with you and me and Bdubs? We had fun.”

They remember consoling Bdubs when he and Etho broke up for the ten millionth time. They remember Etho being wishy-washy with his loyalty.

“How is Bdubs, by the way?” Cleo asks. “I haven't spoken to him in a while.”

“Oh he's fine! Doing great! We broke up again a few months ago and now he's moved in with some other guys.” That isn't surprising. Cleo's honestly more surprised that they both kept coming back for more.

“Okay, then,” Cleo says, putting her box down so she doesn't throw it at him. “Where's our third roommate, then? Do you know them?”

Just then, a little sandy brown head pops into the doorway. He weaves around the boxes and waves at Cleo when she's in eyeshot. Grian. She knows Grian, too, although less well than Etho. He's never really done nothing to hurt her, just been annoying.

“Hey guys!” Grian says. “Don't mind me, I'll just be in and out!” Sure enough, he's gone within the blink of an eye, with the fleeting shout of “Just had to check my dishwasher!”

“Okay,” Cleo says. “This is fine.” This is fine. It's only for the year, and if she really hates it she can move out earlier. Everything is fine.

“I'm glad you're so positive about this too,” Etho says smugly. Cleo wants to wipe the smug smile off his face, but she instead heads for the door.

“Just-don't get in my way when I'm moving in.”

A few months later Cleo is talking to a few of her art school friends when the topic of her roommates comes up.

“I want to say it's been awful,” Cleo says. “But they're actually fine roommates. Like Grian I hardly see, but Etho does the dishes? He has his own dishwashing apron!”

“You've got a better situation than I do,” False says. “I still have to live with my twin sister.”

“And me!” Joe cuts in.

“And you, Joe,” False concedes. “You're not the bad part.”

“We have game nights,” Cleo wails. “I can't hate this guy when he's been teaching me Wardens and Withers.”

“Ooh, I love that game!” Joe says. “It's a little hard to get into, but once you understand all the cards it can be really fun!”

“Oh, God, now you've got him talking about card games again,” False groans, rolling her eyes.

“It's just– I don't know, it feels like he actually wants to try in our friendship again, instead of constantly having drama.” They stare into their swirling latte, foam art depicting a little smiley face.

“So let him,” Joe suggests. “Have fun. By the way, False, you remember we have a WnW session tonight, right?”

False sighs. “Yeah, I'll be there.”

Cleo leaves them to their bickering and heads home, thoughts swirling around her head. Maybe she should give Etho another chance. He does seem like he's really trying this time.

When they get home, both Etho and Grian are in the kitchen, seemingly plotting out some sort of crime or something. Grian has his little leopard gecko out (it's named Etho’s dishwasher, for some reason) and is letting it run all over the plans.

“Welcome back, Cleo,” Etho says when she walks through the door. “We're planning a prank on Scar. Want to join?”

Cleo looks at the three of them, and the plans on the table, and smiles. “I'd love to, actually.”

[monosminecraftmania]

Color!au [hermitcraft fantasy au]

i got one note thats all i need.

here's everyone by kingdom

Varie - Wels, Etho, Beef, Xisuma, TFC

Claret - Ren, Martyn, Grian, Mumbo

Ochre - Scar, Gem, Tango, Fwip

Flax - Impulse, Bdubs, Hypno, Jimmy

Viridian Uaine - Iskall, Cleo, Joe, Doc, Joel

Azure - Pearl, Xb, Jevin, Scott

Cerule - Skizz, Keralis, BigB

Mauve - Zed, Cub, Sausage

Amara - Stress, False, Jono, Lizzie

i have. many thoughts. all the thoughts all at once.

if we get two notes i'll talk some more about this au. maybe even do a full roster where i explain where everyone is and what they do.

send an ask for someone to be done in larger scale and in color

i get to them eventually i promise-

[locusfandomtime]

Rating each hermit’s likelihood of being a furry

scar keeps getting furry allegations so i thought i’d make this post

Joe Hills - 7/10 he doesn’t really consider himself part of the community but he has a sparkledog sona and dresses up in his homemade diy fursuit sometimes. he respects furries deeply and does not tolerate hate towards them

Xisuma - 8/10 totally a furry he changes his skin all the time to dress up as the latest minecraft mob. he already has a “cringe” oc (evil x). he doesn’t even know what a furry is i think but he probably owns a fursuit anyway because he thinks its neat

Hypno - 3/10 he’d say no but give him cat ears to match with max and he’ll be wearing them every stream from now on

Keralis - 2/10 pretends to not know what a furry is but he does. he does.

Mumbo - 1/10 logically he would know of furries due to his young age and activeness online but i don’t believe he does, he has never heard of a furry and never will

Cleo - 6/10 with enough encouragement she’d wear a fursuit. maybe if joe made one for them. she’s got a vtuber avatar so this is just next in the pipeline i think

Jevin - 3/10 he isn’t one but he does have a non-human character which technically qualifies him as one. instead of a fursuit i think he’d have to coat himself in jelly or something

False - 3/10 she already dresses up as a banana on stream how far away is dressing up as an anthropomorphic animal you must ask yourself. plants and animals had their last common ancestor 1.6 billion years ago, keep this in mind

Tango - 7/10 his fursona is an evil ravager named “skadoodler evil the third” and mrs tango has a matching fursona and they do that furry couple thing of commissioning art of their ocs kissing

xB - 4/10 not one but I don’t think he’d be opposed to the idea of being a furry. i think ferks could be a furry

Impulse - 4/10 i was gonna say no but then i remembered the imp + skizz cat fursona thumbnail

Etho - 3/10 he isn’t a furry but he is a weeb. maybe he’d wear like a fox tail or something

Doc - 9/10 he has an oc which is half creeper half robot half goat and has butterfly wings and is an evil scientist. this guy knows cringe is dead and is living his life playing as his middle aged man Mary Sue fursona

Ren - 10/10 “ren the DOG” 🤨? this is confirmed his minecraft skin has fucking dog ears

Wels - 5/10 he is not a furry but i like to think he’s a LARPer irl and has a knightsona so he gets an honourable mention.

Iskall - 2/10 i could see him wearing cat ears, only as a joke though

Cub - 7/10 “cub”? “wolf pack”? furry cub just makes sense and he’d be an epic furry. the world isn’t ready for furry cub

Scar - 9/10 the other hermits call him a furry for a reason. his fursona is anthro jelly i guess. there are so many disney movies revolving around anthropomorphic animals this is natural

Beef - 3/10 he never truly becomes a furry but at night he daydreams about what his cool llama fursona would look like. he peaks a little at furry art but is never brave enough to venture further. in another lifetime maybe…

Bdubs - 8/10 he seems disproportionally offended at allegations he’s a furry and is incredibly obsessed with horses. furry with internalised furry hate i think

Stress - 2/10 i think she’d find the idea of furries cute and funny but wouldn’t be one

Zedaph - 9/10 you’d see him rocking up to furcon. his fursona would be a weirdass sheep worm hybrid

Grian - 4/10 i can see it. despite fan interpretation, i don’t think he’d be a parrot though i think he’d be a cat tbh

Gem - 7/10 she would have the cutest most cottagecore deer fursona of all time and it would have a beautiful design and outfit and bi flag. she’d get a vtuber model and a custom fursuit and art made. it is insane to me that this hasn’t happened yet

Pearl - 5/10 she isn’t but she does seem like the kind of woman who was obsessed with wolves at the age of 12 and has never outgrown that. also double life pearl deserves to be a beautiful silver wolf

[peridotglimmer]

For the intimate starters: "Come here" for False/Cleo if you feel up to it 👀

They're soft. 🥹 Set near the end of season 8, and features Cleo's Club. Rated T.

--

"Come here." Cleo's voice is soft. To most, it would seem almost uncharacteristically soft. 

Not to False. 

Smiling slightly, she steps closer to them, sighing contently when they pull her into their lap. False tucks her head underneath Cleo's chin and listens to the comforting, familiar slow beat of her heart. 

"I'm going to miss this place," False comments quietly. "I feel safe here."

"We had the Hobbit Hole last time, and now this Club..." Cleo reminds her in response. "I'm sure someone will figure out a new spot. This is the Hermits we're talking about. Day one of a new season, we build starter bases. Day two, at least one orgy. Sometimes both on day one." False hums in agreement.

"I know. Still, I'll miss your Club, and everything in it." 

"Even Joe's paintings?" Cleo asks, motioning at the randomly-placed paintings scattered on the various walls surrounding them. 

"Okay, maybe not everything," False admits, laughing now. 

"How about one last night together here, hm?" Cleo lazily plays with False's hair, strong fingers scratching her scalp gently. "Just you and me."

"I'd like that."

"So would I."

[raindropren]

SO!!!!

During the break between season 9 and season 10 i've been trying to branch out more and watch more hermits then I did during season 9's running

During Season Nine I basically only watched 2 Hermits

Pearl, obivously

and Grian... for like the start, then I think i got burnt out from his content and I paused watching him like, RIGHT before the riff stuff.

Technically also Zedaph since I watched his playlist right before the season ended Lol

I've watched a ton of the separate hermits videos once or twice during the season however it wasn't normally more then like, 3, MAYBE 4, if I had time.

I watched like 3 of Scars, Bdubs, and Doc's(I wanna note how I downloaded like... 2 of them cause I decided to watch them... on the plane, to my grandmothers wedding lol) Videos

I watched like 2 of Mumbo's i think

and like 1 of I thiinnkkk, False, Hypno, Jevin(maybe), Etho, Gem, Cleo, Joe, i think, I forget.

I don't count Vods, In which I watched like 4-5 of Tango's I think, and like multiple were like... 4 hours long i think, maybe, more, i don't remember :3

ANYWAYS!!! I decided to Watch all of Gems Season 9 playlist likeee... 4-5 days ago days ago and got through it very fast because turns out!!! The hermits I like!!! Are enjoyable to watch!!!!! LOL! When I have the time of course,

I watched all of her season 9 episodes and it was very good :]

I liikkeedd it :3

Just i think 2 days ago I decided to watch Bdubs Playlist and again, i really like it :]

Now I'm deciding to watch Mumbo cause yaa :3

I'm planning on watching a ton of others aswell!! ee This makes me come to the conclusion that as long as I don't burn my self out. I can do anything

...

Maybe not, but At least I can watch the Hermits :]

[m-pennanti]

I have not been in this active fandom long but I have noticed a weird pattern (or flavor I guess?) in the discourse

A few imaginary examples:

- Everyone was hoping Joel got in s10 and then Joel went “actually I don’t *want* to join hermitcraft” and suddenly people started attacking everyone who previously said they hoped Joel was in s10 because they were “pressuring him”

- Pearl hid a few spider heads in xB’s base for him to find randomly and everyone hounded on her for griefing but when Etho burned down Gem’s house and didn’t help rebuild it it was a-ok

- Something big happened to Cleo and they made a video explaining she was taking a break for a while and people constantly bothered her about coming back sooner to the point they had to leave social media only two weeks into the break

- False made an amazing mini game with only one real flaw and everyone called it “ok at best and lazily made and could’ve done with a few more tweaks” and then Joe made a very flawed low-effort mini game off the top of his head and people started calling it “the best game on the server that so much effort was put into”

- Xizuma retired from Hermitcraft and the Hermits agreed that Cub would now host the server and some people were very upset that they didn’t choose Iskall and others bullied Xizuma about it despite it being a decision made by everybody

- Wels became active again on his own accord and had a lot of interactions with other Hermits and took a slightly different approach to his builds and people started saying they “hoped Wels would stop playing Hermitcraft and leave”

Again, these are not actual things that happened

But you can see it can’t you, you can see these things happening

These aren’t targeted at any ccs I kinda just threw names in randomly, maybe I am a bit biased but the only thing I did intentionally was people getting mad at the female ccs over the male ccs in the second example because I’ve noticed a raging amount of sexism in the mcyt community which obviously sucks

Just thought it was weird how this community has a weird set of themes that bother them and starts conflict while other things get shut down immediately like homophobia and misgendering, at least as far as I’ve seen

I wonder if it’s like that for other fandoms too? This is the only big fandom I’ve taken a deep dive into in my life so I wouldn’t know if certain fandoms having reoccurring discourse themes is a common occurrence. If they do it either isn’t very visible on the surface or it just flew right over my head (which happens a lot with me it seems)

Ofc as well these are all entirely my opinions and observations and this is my first time discussing them so I won’t have considered other sides and perspectives, especially if I’ve missed something and just never came across it due to how fresh into the fandom I am

Thoughts? I realize this type of post is very dangerous to share because it feels like the type people would get upset about. If I’m entirely and completely wrong I’d be genuinely interested in hearing about why

[riacte]

that convo was basically like:

false: maybe we can fix ren

cleo: no really we can’t

joe: maybe interior design will help

ren: cooka da pizza :3

[anonymousreader4d7]

Species headcanons for rmau?? I love hearing everyone’s different interpretations and headcanons!

Yee!!! I'm so excited people are interested!!!

I've had these percolating for a while now - like, 2 years, actually!!! I keep adding onto and adjusting specifics of the different species, or adding new ones, but I'll list the my shortlist of Hermits/Lifers and their species here, and then I'll start posting the details for species individually, before making a masterpost with links to all of them and this!!!

But yeah, here's my list, under the cut!!!

(Edit: I just realized I forgot to mention what the names in parentheses are - that's in reference to another aspect of the AU, called Code Bonding - which will get its own post after the species. The names are their Code Bonded partner! Also, if someone has a question mark next to their species, it means I haven't solidified my headcanon for them yet, and I'm welcome to suggestions! I'll edit this as I solidify or add ideas!)

Hermits:

Bdubs - Time Deity - (Etho)

Cub - Vex Hybrid - created via Vex Deal (ConVex)

Doc - Playerborn Creeper - Born Moderator

Etho - Unknown - Kitsune - (Budbs)

False - Avian - Eagle

Gem - Fae - Animal/Shapeshift Magics

Scar - Fae Hybrid - Shapeshifting Magics - activated via Vex Deal (ConVex)

Grian - Watcher - Created - (Mumbo)

Hypno - Human

Jev - Slime - Blue, humanoid

Impulse - Demon - Telluris - (Skizz)

Iskall - Code-weaver

Joe - Unknown - Just a Guy™ (or Herobrine?)

Keralis - Primordial

Mumbo - Shiftwalker - (Grian)

Pearl - Moon Deity (Ascended Alien)

Ren - Playerborn Dog

Skizz - Angel - Earth - Fallen - (Impulse)

Joel - Minor Chaos Deity - (Lizzie)

Stress - Fae - Plant Magics

Tango - Pb Blaze/Demon Hybrid - Ignis - (Jimmy)

Beef - Bull/Cow Hybrid

Wels - Human

xB - Guardian Hybrid/Voidwalker Descendant

Xisuma - Voidwalker - Admin

Zed - Playerborn Sheep

Cleo - Mobborn Zombie

TFC - Primordial (maybe Steve? Or Herobrine if Joe's not?)

Non-Hermit Life Members:

Scott - Starborn

BigB - Primordial

Martyn - Listener - Created - Taught Moderator

Lizzie - Fae - Animal/Shapeshift Magics - (Joel)

Jimmy - Listener - Created - (Tango)

Bonus:

Pixlriffs - Watcher - Created

Ollie - Avian - Songbird

Shubble - Witch - not the mob kind…

CaptainSparklez - Celestial

PeteZahHutt - Slime - Green, humanoid

Technoblade - Mobborn Piglin - Blood God - (Philza)

Philza - Admin - Void-glider - (Techno)

I have a few more (including ones for other DSMP members from back when I was really into it) but I'm just leaving this list to these, and my examples for species will be limited to these guys too.

If people have ideas/suggestions for the other Empires members I haven't listed here, feel free to let me know, because I haven't watched as much of those guys and I'd be happy to include them!!!

[nekodere07]

If Hermitcraft are Greek Gods and Goddesses

(Feel free to comment what Greek myth characters are perfect for the Hermits. I may or may not use them for something in the future 😏)

Tango - Hephaestus (maybe, also fit w/ Scar)

Doc - Zeus

Stress - Gaia/Demeter (maybe, also fit w/ Gem)

Grian - Hermes/Dolos/Atë/Aeolus/Anemoi

False - Athena/Nike

Wels - Ares (maybe)

Pearl - Selene

Bdubs - Helios

Xisuma/Evil X - Chaos (sibling of Greek god Phanes)

xB - Poseidon (maybe, idk why many people portray him as a Guardian in fanarts/AO3)

Joe - Apollo (maybe)

Cleo - Medusa (maybe)

Scar - Artemis (maybe)

Etho - Hades (maybe)

14/26

Keralis

Zed

Gem

Hypno

Mumbo

Impulse

Ren

TFC

Iskall

Jevin

Beef

Cub

(Inspired from watching Overly Sarcastic Productions Youtube channel. I've been rewatching their "Miscellaneous Myths" since yesterday, leave me alone)

Updated list! (01/27/22)

(The ones with multiple names and with 'maybe' can still be changed since I'm indecisive as heck)

Tango - Hephaestus (maybe, also fit w/ Scar)

Doc - Zeus

Stress - Chione

Grian - Hermes

False - Athena/Nike

Wels - Ares (maybe)

Pearl - Selene/Nyx

Bdubs - Helios

Xisuma/Evil X - Chaos (sibling of Greek god Phanes)

xB - Poseidon (maybe, idk why many people portray him as a Guardian in fanarts/AO3)

Joe - Apollo (maybe)

Cleo - Medusa (maybe)

Scar - Artemis (maybe)/Hedylogos

Etho - Hades (maybe)

Gem - Gaia/Demeter/Hestia

TFC - Lelantos (maybe)

Keralis - Typhon (maybe)

Impulse - Horme

Ren - Cerberus/Lyssa (maybe)

Zed - Philophrosyne (maybe)

Hypno - Hypnos

21/26

Mumbo

Iskall

Jevin

Beef

Cub