Monster
Hufflepuff!Reader X Draco
Again is this what you came for?
You paid for?
To watch somebody burn and crumble and stumble
Then fumble all my words and let you twist them and listen
To all the ugly things you tell me I am
Chapter 1 Chapter 2
Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Summary: Things go from bad to worse. Not all stories have happy endings, and it would be stupid to only read the ones that did. You and Draco learn that the only way to fight prevailing evil is unconditional love.... but can you two manage?
A/n: I’d like to formally apologize right now for how much this is going to hurt all of you because... oh boy. This gets really angsty and depressing and I’d like to remind you that Draco actually had to go through all of this alone. Sure, JKR does a lot of fucked up shit, but what she did to Draco Malfoy, I will never forgive her for. She lost my respect even before she said what she did on Twitter. But as I said before: watch me save Draco Malfoy. (P.S. If you haven’t listened to Special by Gabbie Hanna or watched the music video, I highly recommend it and then crying over it because Draco Malfoy man)
Draco paced his room, scattering his possession in his fury. His room shredded once more. What had he done? What had he said? What had just happened?
“You have some nerve showing up here,” He heard his mother hiss from downstairs.
For a moment, he thought it might be you, and false hope fluttered in his chest. Wiping away his tears, he slipped your locket into his pocket and stood. Snapping his fingers, his room started to put itself back together as it pained him to remember the first time you had done that spell for him.
Now you were gone.
He let you walk away. He said the cruelest things to you. He watched you break in front of him at his own hand. He broke his promise.
“Where is she!?” Your mother’s voice demanded from downstairs. “I know she’s here!”
Draco frowned, his thoughts spinning on a dime. Why was your mother looking for you? Wouldn’t that be the first place you ran to? Fear and panic struck his chest. Were you hurt? Did you need help? His anxiety turned back to fury.
“What do you mean where is she!?” Draco snarled, leaning over the banister. “She’s gone! No thanks to you!”
“What your tongue boy,” Your mother snarled. For a fleeting moment he saw the same fire in her eyes that resided in yours when you fought him. He dismissed the thought.
“No,” He glared, defiant. “You did this! You took her from me! She thinks I always knew! She thinks that I’ve kept it from her for years!” He descended the stairs, hurling the accusations at your mother. “She idolized you! She loved you! And you manipulated her! You manipulated me!”
“I did what I had to do,” Your mother said coolly.
“You lied to your daughter! You made her think you liked me! That you approved! And for a moment I believed it too!” He spat.
“Draco, what are you talking about?” His mother asked, coming to stand beside him.
“She gave me Y/n’s father’s wand for Christmas and told me what really happened.” He took a sharp breath in. “She never told Y/n the truth. She made me do it. She tricked me into doing it so that Y/n would hate me.” He was seething fury as he realized just how deep this treachery went.
“I had to protect her from you, but she figured it out too,” Your mother sputtered. “You Malfoys are all the same, I had to protect her!”
“No.” His mother spoke up, her voice like glass shards. “He is nothing like Lucius. The only one acting like him around here is you,” Drawing her wand, he watched his mother put a full body bind on yours without an ounce of pity. “How dare you manipulate my son! How dare you make him give up the one girl he’s ever loved! You have no idea what you’ve done!” There were tears in his mother’s eyes. He had never seen his mother cry before.
Her eyes met his.
“Go. Find her. Bring her home.”
He flew up the stairs, grabbing his wand and cloak and broomstick, racing off into the night. He had no idea where to start looking for you. If you weren’t at home and you weren’t with him, he didn’t have an inkling to where you would go. As Pinnae you could be anywhere.
Panicked, he started to scan the landscape below him for any sign that you would actually try to come back here. There was no sign of you.
His thoughts raced out of control believing that you could be in serious trouble, or worse, taken by the Dark Lord. That would be his luck at this point. There was one thing that gave him hope: you knew that he never meant to hurt you with the truth about both of your fathers.
His wand, tucked in his robe pocket, began to grow warm until it almost burned him. Drawing it, he realized that he had picked up your father’s wand, not his own. It hummed in his hand, he wondered if your mother lied about the wand wanting to protect you as it responded to him.
Silvery streams emerged from the end... the residue of a Patronus.
He couldn’t cast a Patronus at any other time let alone now. He was hopeless and angry and scared.
But he had to find you before a Death Eater did. Before Voldemort did. Before his aunt did.
“Expecto Patronum!” He roared, thinking of how much he needed you.
A silver roaring lion burst forth from the wand.
“Oh, you’ve got to be bloody joking,” Draco muttered and watched the Patronus leap to the ground and race off in a direction that held no consequence to him. But he trusted that it would lead him to you.
He raced into the city, watching the glowing lion soar over the rooftops before stopping at a home of no consequence to him. Draco dropped to the street, veiled under darkness. His Patronus paced anxiously along the small path to the door of the house.
__________________________
“Y/n?” A familiar voice called my name and I dared to look up.
“Abby?” I squeaked.
“Merlin Y/n!” She rushed to my side, wrapping her arms around me. “You’ve had us worried sick!”
“Us?” I asked, wiping away my tears.
“Our mothers and me,” She answered, and I scowled.
With a shaky voice I explained to Abby what had happened. About Draco and my fight, then the confrontation between my mother and me. It was almost easier when I retold it. It seemed less real.
“Lucius killed my father,” I said the words again, and they were just as heavy on my lips. My eyes falling on the gravestone. “I’ve lost... everyone, Abby,”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Abby scoffed gently, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Everyone? Really? I didn’t know your life began and ended with Draco Malfoy,” There was a soft smile on her face.
I gaped at her and the words set in. I didn’t really lose everyone. Not even close. She right there beside me. And I thought of her parents, and Pansy, and Ernie, and Luna... My life didn’t begin and end with Draco—no mistake, he was a very nice part of it—and though it might have begun with my mother, it didn’t end there either.
“And I know, between Draco and Pansy, we haven’t hung out as much as we used to. And I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but you haven’t lost me Y/n,” She wrapped me into a hug, and I clung to her. “I’d still give anything for you. Hufflepuffs for life,”
I let out a hopeless laugh, pulling away from our hug.
“He probably hates me. I should have stopped and listened...” I confessed the sad truth. “Maybe he’s right... I run away to my stories and ignore reality,”
“Those stories have kept you alive,” Abby encouraged. “They’ve kept you going in the midst of reality.” She took my hand. “So, how about we try again and find a new story?”
I nodded, smiling and feeling better. Something was pacified in my chest. It still hurt, sure, but there was a comfort that I wasn’t alone any longer. That I could try again. That I could take the next step.
“Come on,” Abby stood. “Let’s get out of here,”
I nodded and took her hand, finding my balance. She grabbed her broomstick and there was a silent question in her eyes: was I going to ride or fly? I smiled and we both boarded the broomstick and flew back toward the outskirts of London to a town house I knew well.
Crashed on Abby’s bed—after Abby gave a quick run-down of what was happening to her parents—I rubbed my face and finally felt myself relax for the first time tonight. The familiarity of Abby’s roomed calmed me and her comforting words—reminding me that I wasn’t alone— now covered me like a blanket.
Just like when we were kids, Abby and I curled up in her bed and watched the stars peer over the rooftops of London as the glow in the dark sticker stars smiled at us from the ceiling.
________________________________
Draco rang the doorbell and was met with a stranger with the same piercing eyes that your best friend had.
“She said you might find your way here,” Mr. Bones smiled. “Come on in son,”
“Is she here? Y/n?” His voice was quick and panicked.
“Asleep upstairs. Both girls are,” Abby’s father locked the door behind him.
Draco stood, rigid, not sure what to do. He wanted to see you more than anything. He wanted to know that you were okay. He wanted to apologize and plead for forgiveness and hold you close until everything was secure... but if you were asleep, he knew you needed it. So, he could wait. Mr. Bones led him into a sitting room, and he felt like he was being scrutinized.
“Now, from what I understand, you have been through quite a lot recently,” Draco nodded at his words, clenching his jaw. “And though I am not your father, I am here for you. My wife and I both are. This is a safe place for you, as it always has been for Y/n and Abby.”
That caught Draco by surprise. Surely, he knew of what his father had done. Of what he had done. If you had spoken with him, then he knew a lot more than most. And yet, those were the first words offered to him by a stranger who didn’t know him from Adam. Draco was welcomed in this small home? He didn’t understand it.
“I know this road isn’t easy for you either.” Abby’s father sighed, not noting Draco’s bafflement. “You are aware of what is coming, more than I will ever understand,” His tone was sympathetic. “And I fear that I cannot change what has happened or what will come, but I can encourage you and offer some guidance if you are willing to listen,”
Draco nodded mutely, a strange feeling growing in his chest. Now that he was over the shock of the situation... something else settled within him. It was kin to the one he felt around his friends and perhaps his mother... but this was different. This was new.
“Draco, son, from what I’ve heard from the girls, tonight was difficult between you and Y/n. She is like a daughter to me as much as Abby is, and though I would love to protect her as such, I know that you perhaps need me a bit more.” Abby’s father offered a kind smile.
“Though I cannot step into your shoes, I can only imagine that you are upset because you had no choice in what happened tonight, or the information that you were given, and yet the fault and responsibility was laid on your shoulders. And therefore, you lashed out with angry words in fear, and it’s understandable. But you must remember why you were afraid, of why you were angry.”
Draco nodded and looked down at his hands. The strange feeling in his chest grew a bit more and his hands began to shake slightly as his eyes stung with unshed tears. For the first time in his life someone blatantly said they understood why he has such a sharp tongue. It was a strange feeling of relief. But it went deeper, Draco was challenged to think of something he never had before: why was he scared and angry?
“I can’t pretend to think that you’ve had a proper view on what love should be from those around you,” Draco’s eyes flashed up, his internal monologue pausing, about to protest but Mr. Bones held a hand up, stopping him. “I understand that you may love Y/n, and I do not deny it, but love is so much more than you will ever believe,” Mr. Bones pressed on.
“So, you both lashed out—I cannot place all of the blame on you, I know Y/n can be a bit hot headed when she’s angry,” There was a soft reminiscent smile on the wizard’s face. “You lashed out because your love was being threatened.”
There it was.
The realization washed over him. Of course, it made sense as to why he lashed out. Of why he said those unforgivable things. That was the reason he never found to the question he never asked. He left like his love was being threatened. His love for his parents, his love for the life they had given him. His love for you, his love for the second chance you had given him at life. He lashed out in anger and fear because he loved... and maybe he loved too much... too fiercely that ended up getting him into trouble.
“But love, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects. Always trusts, and always hopes...” Mr. Bones sounded like he was quoting something, melancholy in his voice. “Knowledge... it’s important. The truth just as much so. Words are said, but they’re forgotten with time... but love prevails despite it all,”
Draco wanted to believe in that sort of love. A selfless unconditional love that could forgive him, but what evidence did he have that it could exist?
He stopped the depressing thought and truly began to think, picking up his early train of thought. You were unconditional when you held him that night his father was sent to Azkaban. Abby was selfless when she trusted him enough to be alone with you and didn’t mind that he took up a lot of your time. Pansy’s defense of him was always unconditional, no matter if he was right or wrong, even before he had you. His mother loved him and his father despite the abuse she suffered over the years and refused to leave his side even now.
And before him, Mr. Bones, Abby’s father, a man who married a muggle, invited him into his home in the middle of the night, sat him down, and gave him advice. Good advice. A man who kept you safe and loved you like a daughter. A man who held no hesitancy in calling him son or extending the same protection over him as well. A man he had met maybe ten minutes ago.
Draco could believe in that sort of love.
____________________________
Padding down the stairs half-awake in the morning, it was still dark, and the sun hadn’t had a chance to rise yet. Abby’s parents were both awake: Abby’s mom was a teacher, having already left for her muggle school, and Abby’s father worked for the Ministry. Abby herself was still fast asleep when my body decided that it was awake.
I nearly had a heart attack when I looked up and Draco was causally sharing a cup of coffee with Abby’s dad like he’d been doing it his entire life. His hair was a mess—as it always was in the morning, but there was the same sleepy smile on his lips.
Then he caught sight of me and dropped his mug. It shattered on the floor and he jumped cursing. Abby’s father laughed and easily cleaned up the mess with magic and I might have giggled too.
“Hey,” I offered softly, going into the kitchen getting two new mugs from the cupboard and making us both coffees.
“Good morning,” His voice was a bit shaky as he leaned against the counter. I offered him his mug and took a sip of my own.
“So... look, I’m sorry about—”
“I’m sorry about what—”
We both tripped over the other’s words, then I started to chuckle, and Draco dissolved into laughter beside me. It was a sad, hopeful sort of laughter that held yearning and forgiveness. He took my hands and in his gentle voice, he began again.
“I lashed out in anger and fear. And I said some awful things to you. And I’m very sorry,” His blue eyes seemed to hold the world in them. “Forgive me?”
“If you can forgive me,” My eyes watered as I looked up at him. “I should have stopped and listened and I’m sorry,”
He wrapped me in his arms, and though, I knew that my life didn’t begin and end with Draco, it was still nice to have him be a part of my life. It was like a part of me had come home. Now that we were together and everything was more or less settled between us, I didn’t feel alone at all anymore.
He withdrew from the hug and reached for his coffee, but I grabbed his arm.
“Have you slept at all?” I narrowed my eyes at him. His lack of response gave me my answer.
I went to the cabinet over the stove and pulled out a vial. I glanced to Abby’s dad and he nodded in permission and I gave it to Draco.
“You need to sleep,” I pressed.
“Do you just know where everything is here?” He mused, taking the vial.
“Draco,” I chided, noting his sudden change of subject.
“I know, I know. But I... I’d like to be able to sleep in my own bed,” The confession was almost guilty.
“Then we go back to the Manor,” I took his free hand. “You need to take care of yourself.”
“But what about you and—”
“It’ll still be waiting when you’ve woken up,” I smiled and took a deep breath. “Can Abby come with us?” I looked around Draco to her dad.
“I think this is something that you two need to do alone. Abby will be available; all you need to do is send a Patronus message.” He smiled. “Let her sleep though,”
“But I can’t—” I started to explain that neither of us could cast a Patronus to send a message.
“I can,” Draco blurted out.
My attention turned to him, a shocked look on my face.
“You can what now?”
“I... I can cast a Patronus?” He admitted sheepishly, like I was going to yell at him. “I picked up your father’s wand on accident, when I left to find you,” He still wasn’t daring to look at me. “I... I was frantic thinking that maybe they got you... and the wand just... I cast a Patronus, and it led me to you,”
“The wand... and you... and... wow.” My mind processed all of the information. “So, I guess the wand really is yours,”
I wasn’t as upset about the ordeal as I was last night. In fact, I felt better knowing that my father’s wand was in good hands and that it had helped Draco find and protect me. Maybe my father was watching over me after all. The thought made me smile.
“Y/n, wait, no,” Draco fumbled. “You can have it back, you were right—”
“Hey,” I called softly. “It’s alright. The wand belongs to you. He would want you to have it,” I smiled. “Wand lore is a finicky subject, and a wand’s loyalty even more so... but I do believe in my father’s spirit, and I do believe that that wand found its way to you for a reason. Even if the methods were... questionable.” I decided. “I would like my locket back though, if you don’t mind.” A warm smile grew on my lips as I held out my hand.
Draco reached into his pocket and carefully slipped the necklace into my hand and I took a moment to fasten it around my neck, the familiar weight soothing me.
Abby’s dad led us to the hearth and took out the box of Floo Powder.
“Maybe I should go first,” Draco caught my hand. “Just in case. I’ll come back and let you know if it’s alright or not,”
I nodded and watched him grab the powder and with practiced ease, clearly state Malfoy Manor. I waited anxiously for his return my mind started to draw up worst case sceneries, then another part of my mind telling the former to shut up.
“Thank you, for everything,” I smiled and hugged Abby’s dad. “It might not seem like it, but it means the world to him, what you did.”
“I’m glad I could help darling, let me know if you two ever need anything at all,” He smiled as Draco reappeared in the hearth.
“Come on,” Draco smiled and we both were whisked away to the Manor.
Narcissa greeted us as we stepped into the grand living room. She gathered Draco into a hug, and then pulled me into her embrace as well. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, an unspoken promise passing between us as we hugged. Draco and I headed upstairs without another word.
I watched him toe off his shoes and head to an en suite bathroom to change, and after a while I heard the shower running. His room was a bit different in the daylight. My things were still in the corner and everything seemed a bit too neat. I could hear the words echo off the walls that were said less than twelve hours ago... it felt like a lifetime ago.
I picked up Draco’s copy of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and smiled when the dandelion greeted me on the page that I had underlined over a year ago.
“Don’t you have that memorized by now?” His voice was soft and playful. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him in sweats and messy damp hair.
“Not entirely,” I quipped back, setting the book down.
He gathered me into his arms carefully as I glanced around the room. It had such a strong scent of just him that I relaxed easily. With the curtains drawn, it was as dark as it had been the night before, save the bedside lamp. Crawling under the cover of his bed, we curled up together as we had done so many times before. Draco’s eyes had a hard time staying open and never really opened completely.
“It’s a lion,” He mumbled out.
“What’s a lion?” I asked, running my hand through his damp silvery hair.
“My Patronus.”
A small chuckle escaped my lips.
“Oh, what would Harry say?” I teased softly. “Or your father?”
“I don’t really give a damn,”
I laughed again and continued to card through his hair. I remembered that he had told me that I was cute when I was half awake and I understood, because a half-awake Draco was precious. He didn’t curse too often, but the word just slipped out almost naturally, like he didn’t have a care in the world.
After a while his eyes didn’t open again, and his breathing evened out. I tried to sleep; I really did. But I couldn’t. I picked up the book from the bedside table and began to read once more. The hours slipped by, my eyes becoming heavier.
When I opened my eyes again, I was extremely stiff. Without thinking I stretched my arms and heard a muffled grumble from Draco who I had just dislodged from his curled-up position next to me.
“Sorry,” I ruffed his hair as an apology and slipped out of bed, stretching completely this time.
“What time is it?” His grumpy voice mumbled.
“Uh, I think a little after six?” I squinted at the clock on the wall. “Yeah, that’s how clocks work,”
“Our sleep schedules are so screwed.” Draco sat up and rubbed his face, groaning.
“Well, we’ll take a Sleeping Potion later and everything will be fixed,” I said, not so optimistic that that would be the course of action in a few hours.
We headed downstairs where dinner was laid out on the dining room table. Narcissa was eating quietly, nose in a book. She looked up when we both hovered by the door.
“Good morning sleeping beauties,” She teased lightly and gestured to the food laid for us. We ate in silence, still not fully awake.
Draco was right, our sleep schedules were screwed. It was about ten and the stars had come out to play and we were both still wide awake. Narcissa had bid us goodnight not too long ago and Draco and I were out on the grounds, the moon and our wands lighting our way.
“You’re going to forgive her, aren’t you?” Draco asked softly. “Your mother.”
I hummed in acknowledgement and couldn’t deny that I had been toying with the idea. On the one hand, she was my mother but at the same time, she hurt me deeply and she hurt the one that I loved.
“Forgive... I think so. But it won’t ever be the same again...” I whispered to the gravel path under our feet.
Draco took my hand and stood in front of me, his other hand tilting my chin back softly.
“You know I’d do anything to keep you safe, right?” He murmured softly.
“Of course,” I replied reaching up and stroking his cheek. “But we’ve never faced anything like this before,”
“And we need to plan, because I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not live in constant fear without some idea of what to do,”
I nodded. “So, what were you thinking?”
“Well, I’ve more or less organized our problems,” He admitted sheepishly. “I was hoping that you might have some solutions,”
“Well, what problems do we have?” I nudged his side as we sat on the soft grass under an apple tree on the outskirt of the Manor. Fireflies danced around us. It seemed almost surreal, to talk of such darkness and evil in the midst of beauty. Like something sacred was being tread upon.
“In forefront,” He began. “Would be my aunt. She is still quite taken with my mother, and though my mother has shown her disdain for Bellatrix... she’s obsessed with the family name. And she won’t be too keen on you with me. I thank the stars you’re a pureblood, but...”
“In her eyes, I’m a blood traitor,” I mused, resting my chin on my knees. “Yeah... and a Hufflepuff,” A giggle left my lips despite it all. “How ridiculous that seems now... a Hufflepuff and a Slytherin,”
Draco rolled his eyes and chuckled. “But I think my mother has something that might help, but it would be asking a lot...”
“I think we’re a bit passed being hesitant around what we ask of another,” I pointed out.
“Maybe so,” He sighed. “But I want you to know that I wish it would all go away, and we could be normal teenagers and not have to worry about a war... and I’d give anything for that,”
I looked up at him. His face was pressed into a cold, somber mask as he looked off to the stars in the sky.
“I know, I do too.” I acknowledged. “But... this is what we have... a war. Reality,”
He flinched at the word.
“Sorry,” I mended. “Bad choice of words.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for saying those things to you,” He admitted softly. I sighed softly and intertwined me fingers with his, resting my head on his shoulder.
“I think that comes with time,” I shrugged softly. “Forgiving ourselves of what we’ve done... learning to love what we see in the mirror,” A quiet moment passed. “You know I forgive you right? For that night?”
He nodded, moping. I smiled because it was so like him to do and I was happy to know that even though it all, Draco was still there, underneath all the fear and worry.
“So, Bellatrix,” I took a deep breath. “You said your mom might have an answer?” He nodded. “Okay, next problem?”
“The Dark Lord,”
“I think that’s everyone’s problem Dray,” I drawled and pouted at the flat look he gave me.
“He’s going to come for me. I know it. Because my father failed him... and because it seems like I’ve been marked for it since birth...” He rubbed his face, hiding in his hands. “I don’t know what he’s going to want from me but... I’m terrified that he’s going to make me take the Mark,”
“You think he’ll make you?” I squeaked, trying to keep my voice even. “I thought he was selective about his inner circle?”
“I think he’ll do it just to punish my father, regardless if he wants me or not,” That was the sad truth of the matter.
I nodded and thought a moment.
“Then we can talk to Snape... he should know something that could help us... and I guess your mother would have an idea because she went through it with your father...” I paused. “I’ve never really looked into Dark Magic before...”
Draco gaped at me.
“Are you hearing yourself!?” He demanded, standing and pacing away from me. “You... you can’t look into Dark Magic. I... I won’t let you,” His voice was shaky.
I rose, nearly stumbling and caught myself.
“Draco, we don’t have a lot of options here,” I pressed.
“But you can’t!” He almost roared.
“And why not!?” I shot back.
“Because I need you to be my sunshine! I need you to stay pure and good! I need that!” Tears streamed down his face. “I need you to be my fairytale that I can run to,”
Whatever I was about to say to him fell from my lips. My heart about shattered as I took a careful step towards him. He didn’t back away from me, so I took that as a good sign.
“Draco,” My voice was soft. “I will always be your sunshine, but I won’t leave you to walk through this alone. I said it was stupid, but I am a Hufflepuff. I believe in kindness and good and always will, but ignorance is dangerous. It’s the difference from being harmless and peaceful,”
I reached out and took his hand. His shoulder shook softly with tears. I tilted his chin back and wiped them away.
“There,” I whispered, smiling. “Problem solved,”
He laughed at my poor excuse for a joke and curled his arms around me.
“Any other problems?” I teased lightly.
“Loads,” He mused back. “But... they’ll come in their own time I suppose.”
____________________________________
“Mother,” Draco spoke softly. “I think it’s time that you took Y/n to Paris,”
“Paris?” You squeaked. “Like Paris, Paris? This is your solution to Bellatrix?”
“Yes darling,” Draco cooed softly, smiling. “If you’re going to be by my side through all of this, and you’d like to be protected from Bellatrix, well, you need to look like a proper Malfoy,”
You gawked up at him, something shining in your eyes. He could see the excitement growing and wondered if you ever had anything new or designer before. Recalling your cutoffs and t- shirts, he thought maybe not.
“But I can’t ask this from you guys,” You fumbled turning to his mother. “Really, it’s a nice gesture but,”
“Think nothing of it dear,” Narcissa fluttered her hand. “Draco is correct, if you’re going to get through this, you need to look like a Malfoy.” She rose and set down her book. “Shall we then?”
“Wait,” You pulled Draco’s hand. “Abby will actually kill me if she doesn’t come,”
“Of course,” Narcissa smiled.
“Should I feel this ridiculous?” You walked out of the fitting room for what seemed like the hundredth time and Draco’s heart still skipped a beat.
He couldn’t deny, though he loved you in your casual clothes, seeing you formal and proper did something else to him. The ladies in the shops all fawned over you and your beauty and fluttered around with about twenty new things for you to try on each time you found one thing you liked.
“Yes,” Draco smiled smugly. “But you get used to it,”
“Isn’t this all a bit much?” You looked down at your jet-black dress that hugged you in all of the right places and the pair of high stilettos and sheer tights that were paired with it. “I get keeping up appearances but how the hell am I supposed to walk around Hogwarts in these?”
“Balance Charm,” Narcissa chimed in. “But you may be right, you are still going to have to attend school,” His mother switched to French, “Maybe something a bit more casual. Not as tight. She needs range of motion,”
“You’re still getting that dress, right?” Abby peeked out from the other dressing room curtain.
“Yes,” Both you and Draco answered at the same time, both turning varying shades of red.
Before either of you could make the situation worse, the associates of the store pulled you back into the fitting rooms, yelling at you in French and he laughed because he knew you had no idea what they were telling you. With an entire new wardrobe—that you pulled him away from the register before you could hear the total—you looked like you had walked out of a high fashion catalogue.
Sure, you were in something simpler—a deep green flowing high-waisted skirt and a black blouse with pearl earrings and necklace, still in the same heels you complained about earlier— but Draco couldn’t stop looking at you. Nor could he stop himself from finding your reflection in the shop windows and feeling a bit satisfied about how well you fit by his side.
Abby bid you a goodbye after lunch and pestered you about taking pictures of everything else you bought. You laughed and didn’t exactly promise anything, but there was something hidden in your eyes. After a while you relaxed and really started to branch out. Choosing things that you were interested in, and not looking so nervous—like you were going to break whatever you touched.
“She really is lovely,” His mother spoke softly in French. “I’m so glad you have her through all of this,”
Draco nodded and watched your fingers run over the soft fabric of new dress robes that were the same deep green as the dress you wore to the Solstice Ball the summer prior. How things had changed since then.
Draco was sure that he had seen it all, and that you couldn’t get any more perfect and beautiful, but Merlin was he wrong. His mother shooed him out of one salon and told him to wait outside. He did, not without rolling his eyes, however.
You emerged, looking at him expectantly. Though your hair was still short, it was neat and not the normal disarray that occurred when you ran your hand through it to keep it from your eyes. Your face looked as if it had been airbrushed, a light pink to your cheeks and a deep red to your lips that invited him in. You noticed him noticing you and the pink on your cheeks deepened.
Yet, he still missed something about you that held summer days, and reading in the sun, and muggle t-shirts and bare feet.
“Y-you look lovely,” He stammered out.
You blinked at him. “What?”
His mother laughed and placed her hands on your shoulders.
“He said you look lovely,” She rolled her eyes at her son. “And to think you still know French after all this time,”
Draco realized his mistake and turned pink.
“I didn’t know you knew French,” You took his arm and walked with him down the Parisian street.
“Mother taught me,” He explained. “I thought I had lost touch with it, but apparently not,”
After returning to the Manor, his mother took you away for a moment and left Draco to his thoughts. The big house didn’t seem so cold and empty anymore now that you had made a home here. Your echoes and ghosts danced through the room that he walked into.
________________________________
“Narcissa, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve given me,” I sat beside her in the smaller sitting room.
“Nor I, you my dear,” She smiled. “I understand what went down between you and your mother, and I truly am sorry.”
My eyes flickered to the floor, studying the Persian rug beneath my feet.
“And after everything that you have done for this family, and for my son, I extend an invitation for you to have a home here. Many things are coming for the both of you, and I think it would rest easier on you both, as well as my own heart, if you were close and safe.”
“Mrs. Malfoy—I... I can’t. That’s too much,”
“It is just enough,” She nearly scolded.
My eyes met hers and I tried to figure out what I should do. Did she mean that she wanted me to stay? Would the Malfoy Manor be my new home? Could I give it all up and stay?
Then I thought, what was I giving up and what was I gaining?
“I’ll stay,” I smiled.
“Wonderful,” She stood and drew me into a hug. “Now, I know that you and Draco are both concerned about my sister, and perhaps I am as well, but, for right now, I wish nothing more for you and Draco to have these last few moments to be kids,” She stroked my hair softly. “So do not fret darling, not now,”
I nodded, knowing that her words were easier said than done. But I tried anyway.
Draco and I spent the next few weeks together as we had the summer before. I read to him, we walked the grounds, he played the piano for me, I spent some of the days flying as Pinnae with Draco flying on his broom beside me, Abby and Pansy came over, we practiced magic and defense spells, I read up on Dark Magic, Draco tried to stop me from doing that, we went swimming in the lake in the wood, I pestered Draco until I achieved making him speak French for me—the language not...
Anyway.
It became a new sort of normal. I had written to my mother and we were on speaking terms, but I had boundaries now. I wouldn’t let her hurt me again like she had before. Slowly my books started arriving from my mother as well as most of my other belongings until I had my own room at the Manor filled with my books and other possessions. A room that was heavily enchanted so that only I or Draco could enter.
Though I read to Draco most days, and sometimes Narcissa would stay in and listen—she was gone most days, meeting her sister at other locations trying to keep her from the Manor—there was something to be said about the silk that fell from Draco’s lips on the rare occasion he read to me.
We were a tangle of limbs and blankets one night and he took the book from my hands after my words began to slur too much for his liking. Setting the book side, he chose another form my pile and opening the book, he began to read:
“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?'
So, she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.”
His voice was as honey when he read. He wove together the story in my mind taking my hand and pulling me further and further into the tale. I was lost, my hand in his. Down the rabbit-hole and into a wonderland.
Dawn filtered in through the curtains and I woke up meeting silvery blue eyes continuing to read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I shifted, scooting up and laying my head on his shoulder, letting him know that I was awake.
“Morning,” he greeted softly. “Did I wake you?”
I shook my head softly and slipped my eyes shut.
“Do you want me to read aloud?” He pondered; his voice soft.
“If you want,” I yawned.
That was the last day it seemed that we had to ourselves. Darkness spread that night. An evil that no one could deny nor escape. And it came for Draco and me.
Draco was asleep beside me and I read the end of Dante’s Inferno wondering why I had even started to read it in the first place. The tragedy offered me no comfort. The light from the bedside table was snuffed out, plunging me into total darkness. I drew my wand, trying to cast a lighting charm, but my voice didn’t seem to work.
“So, you thought you could hide from me, young one?” The voice was sinister and made my blood turn to ice.
“Bellatrix,” I whispered, my eyes adjusting, catching sight of the deranged witch.
“Come quietly little pet,” Bellatrix smiled manically. “No need to wake the young prince,”
I looked down on Draco, who was sleeping so soundly. There was not a fear nor worry on his face. He was at amity.
“Wouldn’t want to ruin his moment of peace, now would we?” She purred. “Don’t worry, The Dark Lord has plans for him too,”
I squeezed my eyes shut and carefully extracted myself from Draco’s grasp, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before turning to Bellatrix.
“Just don’t hurt him,” I begged softly.
“That is not for you to bargain,” Bellatrix snapped, grabbing my arm violently, ripping the wand from my hand.
I felt the familiar pull of Apperating and was in the middle of a forest that held no consequence to me surrounded by hooded figures. I wanted to crumple to the ground and cry again. Couldn’t I have just one moment of safety?
“No, my dear I think not,” A raspy voice purred.
The hooded figures turned and dipped their head in reverence to this voice. This thing. This monster.
“You,” Fear froze me into place.
Bellatrix pulled my hair and I felt a sharp blade run across chest. I let out a sharp cry.
“You will speak with respect to The Dark Lord,” She hissed into my ear, throwing me down.
“Me,” His smile was wicked, his red snake like eyes seeing straight through me. “You should consider yourself quite honored, not many have the privilege of meeting me,”
“So, you’re going to kill me then? To get to Draco?” I hissed, surprisingly courageous for the given situation.
“Quite courageous indeed,” Voldemort mused. “And yet you are nothing but a Hufflepuff. Weak. Kind,” He sneered the word. “Favoring fair play?” The Death Eaters jeered around us. “The world isn’t fair, my pet,”
“I’m aware,” I narrowed my eyes at him, pulling myself up. The cut on my collar began to sting and burn. I covered it with my hand in an attempt to stop the bleeding.
Again, his crimson eyes delved deep into my psyche, peering at me as if I were something to be studied.
“It seems you might,” He took a step closer to me. “But you truly have no idea, do you?”
It felt like I was being ripped from my mind and placed somewhere else. A room I knew well, the foyer of the Manor. A man I had only seen in photos was bloodied and bruised on the floor.
“Please, please,” He rasped. “Please, I have a child, Lucius,”
Tears sprung into my eyes. I reached out to my father, trying to comfort him, but my hand passed through him, as I were a ghost.
At wand point, I stood between my father and Lucius, greeting a cold stare that I loathed. This was the man that had hurt the people I loved. First my father, then my mother, then Draco.
Voldemort’s claw like hands snatched me out of the way and gripped my neck and waist, forcing me to watch what I knew was coming. I found myself not able to look away, even though my muscles screamed to, my body would not respond.
“See where love gets you? What happens?” He hissed over the sound of my father’s screams and a bright green flash.
I was released and crumpled to the ground.
“Then your mother... she was supposed to love you. Didn’t turn out so well either did it?” Voldemort laughed as did the others around me. I hung my head, tears streaming silently.
“Just kill me,” I whispered. “And be done,”
“But where is the fun if we don’t break you first?” Voldemort mused. “It’s one thing to kill, another to watch someone be utterly destroyed when then realize that everything they believed in was nothing more than a fairytale. To be so impossibly wrong that it extinguishes you.”
“How have I been wrong?” I snapped, looking up.
“Watch your tongue!” Bellatrix shouted, casting a curse sending me reeling in pain. I didn’t even notice that I was screaming.
“Now, now dear Bella,” The Dark Lord chided. “She does not know to whom she speaks. Her ignorance is no reason to punish her,”
The pain stopped.
“Your utter blind belief in love however,” Voldemort smiled maliciously. “That is something to break,”
“You can’t break that,” I gasped out. “You can break my body, and my mind, and maybe my spirit, but not my love,”
“But my dear, who do you have to love? Your father is dead. Your mother betrayed you. Your friends? Where are they now?”
“Draco,” I rasped out. “I love him.”
“He does not belong to you,” Voldemort laughed. “He is mine and has been since the moment he was born, you foolish girl.”
“Yes, I am a foolish girl,” I refuted, drawing up on my arms. “I love him, and he loves me! And you cannot break that, not with a thousand swords, and you cannot track that! Not with a thousand spells,” I stood on shaky feet.
The pain that exploded in my chest had me back on the ground writhing in pain. In utter agony. Every cell was being burned alive as they seemed to unattached themselves from the other. I felt myself being ripped apart and unmade by the universe.
“Stop,” I heard faintly. “We need her alive, for now,”
_____________________________
When Draco woke, inky blackness surrounded him. He was alone in bed, even though knew you were beside him when he fell asleep. You book was thrown unceremoniously to the floor. Fear gripped his heart.
When he rose, he found your wand discarded on the ground. Anxiety and terror began to grow in his chest. Dressing quickly, he hurried downstairs and found the Manor completely empty. He called for you, but there was no answer.
Come and join us young Malfoy, A dreadful voice hissed.
Without a second thought he plunged into the darkness of the night, desperate to find you.
Desperate to make sure that you were still alive.
Draco rushed into the circle of dark cloaks, coming face to face with Voldemort. He didn’t care though, he just wanted to find you. His eyes fell to the forest floor and he almost collapsed in relief that you were alive, cowering on the ground. His aunt’s wand was trained on you, and he could see the deep gashes along your skin. Blood mingled with dirt.
“Young Draco!” Voldemort called, a wicked smile on his face. “What an unparalleled delight, I had rather hoped you come,”
There was a snickering that rose from the Death Eaters around him.
“Free her,” Draco snarled. “Do what you want to me, but let her go,” His voice was cutting, like his father’s. “She has no hand in this,”
He heard your feeble voice try to protest, but you were silenced when Bellatrix raised her wand, not even having to cast a spell. The Dark Lord laughed.
“Your lover makes a passionate plea,” Voldemort knelt down beside you, gripping your chin with his claw like hands. “Perhaps you haven’t been lying and he truly does love you,” He threw you to the ground, where you didn’t get back up again.
Draco’s blood boiled as Voldemort faced him.
“You have become weak like your father. He failed me and now I will punish him by taking you.” The Dark Lord stalked closer to him. “You will join me. You will take my mark. You will execute a task for me,”
Draco held his head high and squared his shoulders, his eyes not leaving your unmoving form. He knew this was coming, but he didn’t care. He had to keep you alive.
“If you refuse,” The Dark Lord chuckled. “She dies, and you become mine anyway,”
You lifted your head, your large round eyes meeting his, almost no light left in them. He couldn’t bear to think of any moment when the light was completely gone from them. He understood his father a bit more.
“I will join you,” Draco breathed out. “My loyalty is yours,”
“Very good!” Voldemort clasped his hands together. “I hope you will not disappoint me like your father.”
“I am not my father,” Draco hissed.
________________________________
I watched as black robes and masks surrounded Draco, one holding his shoulders, one forcing out his left arm and another yanking his hair so that his head was raised and trained on the Dark Lord. Crazed fear was written on his features as he locked eyes with Voldemort who drew his wand.
Hopeless cries left my lips at the sight, my eyes wet with unshed tears. Bellatrix dampened her foot on my arm as means to quiet me. I bit my lip, trying to hold back a scream.
Then a hopelessness settled over me, pure darkness and evil that took away every inkling of love and faith that I possessed. Despite the utter despair, I kept my eyes trained on Draco. I wouldn’t abandon him. Not now. He wouldn’t be alone.
The darkness coiled like a snake, slithering from Voldemort’s wand and bound Draco’s arm. There was a chanting that I didn’t understand the meaning of. Trembling words left Draco’s lips in the same ancient chant.
A piercing sound tore through me. It was worse than the darkness. It was worse than hopelessness. Draco’s desperate screams of agony shattered me to my core. I covered my ears with my hands despite the pain from the broken bones and deep gashes. It was nothing in comparison to the pain that Draco’s shrieks punctured my heart.
Then it was over.
A chill washed over me. I dared to open my eyes and lowered my hands from my ears.
The mass of black robes had vanished. Draco was kneeling on the ground not yards from me, shaking. His head was bowed, his hands grasping at the dirt.
I pulled myself up and dragged myself over to him. Part of me marveled that I was still alive.
“What did they do to you?” Draco’s voice shook as he lifted his right hand and stroked my hair.
“I’m fine,” I rasped, wincing as I sat up. “Draco,”
“Don’t.” He breathed out. “Just...”
I nodded and pulled up next to him, laying my head on his shoulder. I could see the deep dark etching on his skin of the Dark Mark. It burned my heart that it was there to save me.
“Let’s go home?” I whimpered.
“Y/n, you... you shouldn’t... I’m not...” He stammered out.
“You just took that to save my life,” I reached up and lifted his chin; his blue haunted eyes met mine, filled with hopelessness and despair. “Hell, if I’m going anywhere,”
He nodded and pulled me into his arms. Drawing his wand—my father’s wand—from his blazer he whispered a soft spell and my wounds started to undo themselves. I felt my strength returning and my hand mending itself. I flexed it and the pain was gone.
“Dray,”
He shook his head.
“No, you’re going to hear this,” I took his face in my hands. “Thank you. Thank you for what you did for me.” Stroking his cheek softly I pressed my lips to his softly. “I love you,”
There was a loud crack and Draco and I flinched until there was a familiar tear streaked face.
“Mother?” Draco rasped.
“Oh Draco,” She rushed and knelt beside us. “I’m so sorry, they wouldn’t let me be here, I would have,” Her hands brushed through his hair in the same delicate way mine did.
I leaned away and let them have their moment. Then she reached out for me, tears glistening in her eyes as her hand stroked my face.
“I am in your debt once again my dear,” She whispered. “You were there for him when I couldn’t be,”
“It’s all my fault,” I sniffed. “He did it to save me, he... he was gonna kill me.”
“I know, but the fault does not rest with you.” Narcissa pulled us both close. “Let’s go home you two,”
My mind seemed to go numb and onto autopilot. Draco and I carried another back to the Manor and back up the stairs to his room. His mother started to draw a bath, the sweet scents sending a calming aura that had no effect on Draco or me. Narcissa left a jar of cream on the counter and stroked his cheek softly and squeezed my hand before leaving us alone.
With shaky hands I unbuttoned his shirt, slipping it from his shoulders. Silent tears fell down both of our faces. Somehow, we managed to end up in the silky water together. His hands, trembling and unsure, unhurriedly washed the dirt and blood from my skin. I reached out, taking his left hand and turning it palm up, gazing upon the gruesome mark that was left.
A sob wracked through Draco’s frame as he pulled his arm away and curled in on himself, weeping.
I had been wrong.
I could be shattered.
I could be broken.
I stretched out, my quivering hand resting on his arm and a broken cry left my lips.
For once in my life I had no idea what to do. I had no idea how to fix this or what next step to take. I was scared and felt estranged. For the first time in my life I was angry with the universe because why had it come to this? What had either of us done so wrong to deserve this?
It sent me into tears and panic. Draco eventually pulled me into his arms, and I clung to him, as we both broke down on each other. Dawn glittered in through the window, but darkness still loomed over us like a heavy cloud.
I don’t remember curling up in his bed, but I found myself there anyway.
Neither of us attempted to sleep. We knew that it was a lost cause. I came to my senses when I noticed that Draco was raking his nails along his forearm, in a feeble attempt to clear the skin of the dark ink.
“Draco,” I chided, taking his hand, pulling it from the irritated skin.
He jerked away from my touch and rolled over in his bed, facing away from me. I tried to shove down the rejection that spread through my chest and rose from the bed. Padding softly to the bathroom, I took the jar that Narcissa had left, understanding its purpose.
I knelt down beside Draco, my hand extended in a silent question. His tear-filled eyes barely met mine but when they did, he gave in. The cream in the jar was a soft white color and it tingled on my fingertips. Carefully, I smeared it over the Mark, gauging Draco’s reaction. He was stoic. The redness around the Mark began to fade and it seemed that the mark itself began to fade into the skin.
Setting the jar on the bedside table, I stood.
“Do... do you want me to stay?” The words were unsure from my mouth. I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling, and I didn’t know what to do.
“Sunshine,” Was all he got out.
I nodded, understanding, thinking to the night in early summer. Burrowed in his arms, we both clung to one another, saying nothing, but meaning everything. This was what we had been waiting for. And now it was here.
“We... He’s... He’s in my head,” Draco rasped out. “I can hear him... he... fuck, Y/n, he... he wants me to kill Dumbledore,” He voice broke. “That’s my task, that’s...”
Impossible, I wanted to finish, but I didn’t.
...........................
Our O.W.L. results came in and I couldn’t find a smile to give when I saw that we both passed with the highest marks. Jobs after Hogwarts seemed so impossible. Almost trivial.
Draco and I did sit and talk about his trial.
“Is there a way to get someone else into Hogwarts to do it?” I looked up from a book of cursed objects. “I’m sure Bellatrix would love to do it...”
“It has to be me,” He snapped and rubbed his face. “But we are going to need a distraction so that we can... I can do it.”
I took his hand and laid my head on his shoulder. We both agreed only spending one hour a day on plans for his trial. The rest of the time we desperately tried to escape it all. We spent quite a bit of time in Paris. Draco took me to the Louvre, and we walked along the Seine.
Abby and Pansy noticed immediately the deep bruise like shadows that lingered under our eyes from sleepless nights when they arrived to spend an afternoon with us. They never asked, but I could see the glances exchanged between them.
Abby pulled me aside one day and finally asked.
“It’s not my secret Abby,” I whispered softly. “I just... I really need you to remind me it’s okay, because I need to do that for Draco and I’m slipping Abby,” Tears stung my eyes.
Gathered into her arms, I broke down into tears again, gripping at her shirt.
“I... I was there... The Dark Lord... he... I watched my dad die Abby... He made me...” I sobbed out. “It’s all I see when I close my eyes,”
She stiffened, not saying anything. Stroking my hair softly, she just held me. Some part of me wished that it was my mother that was holding me and telling me it was alright, but I knew that it never could be.
“We’re gonna kill this son of a bitch, you hear me?” Abby took my shoulders. “We’re going to make sure that he pays for what he’s done. If that means getting along with Potter, then so be it, but we’re going to make him pay,”
I nodded and wiped away my tears, smiling for the first time in maybe a week.
____________________________
Your legs were draped across his lap as you read to him. Maybe it was stupid, but you were reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe again, and despite it all, it comforted him.
“I wish there was a wardrobe that could just transport the others into Hogwarts. It would make our distraction a lot easier.” You paused reading, thinking aloud.
He frowned, and something sounded familiar in your words. He gently set your legs in front of you and stood, his fingers trailing the spines of book that surrounded the two of you.
“Dray?” You stood, you hand resting on his shoulder.
“I knew there was something familiar about that book,” He murmured, selecting an ancient book from the shelf, scanning the index then flipping to the proper page. “Here, vanishing cabinets. They were common in the first Wizarding War... they created a passage between two cabinets.”
You took the book from his hands and your hour had begun.
“There’s one at Hogwarts, I... I remember George saying something about it...” You murmured, scribbling in your notebook.
“Weasley?” Draco raised an eyebrow.
You nodded and looked up. “If we could only find it... and another on the outside.”
“The Room of Requirement?” He pondered. “If it were anywhere...”
“It would be there.” A smile reached your lips and his.
Maybe this wasn’t completely hopeless.
“We can check Borgin and Burke’s,” His mother suggested after your epiphany was shared. “They have a lot of old artifacts and relics. We can go tomorrow. Draco needs to be fitted for new robes anyway, and your book lists have come in,”
You two nodded, his hand in yours.
The next day the three of you headed to Diagon Alley. It was one of the first times that you had been on his arm in the Wizarding World looking like a Malfoy, and he couldn’t help but smile at how effortless and beautiful you made it seem.
While being fitted for his new robes, Draco was becoming very irritated and he looked to you for constant comfort because he was breaking down inside. There was so much fear that someone would accuse him of being a Death Eater, that he would be taken to Azkaban, that he would be torn from you.
“Bloody hell, doesn’t he have a life?” You muttered, your eyes drawing his to a boy with messy black hair and piercing green eyes.
Both Ron and Harry stood with their wands drawn, and Draco took a small step in front of you, glaring the golden boy down, sneering.
“Now I don’t want wands drawn in my shop,” Madam Malkin scolded. His mother stood, standing between him and the trio.
“Put those away,” she said coldly to Harry and Ron. “If you attack my son or Miss Y/n again, I shall ensure that it is the last thing you ever do.”
“Really?” said Harry, taking a step forward. “Going to get a few Death Eater pals to do us in, are you?”
Draco had to stop a smile from curling onto his face. If only Harry knew exactly who he was dealing with now.
Madam Malkin squealed and clutched at her heart. “Really, you shouldn’t accuse—dangerous thing to say—wands away, please!”
But Harry didn’t lower his wand. Draco’s mother gave a twisted and cold smile.
“I see that being Dumbledore’s favorite has given you a false sense of security, Harry Potter. But Dumbledore won’t always be there to protect you.” Not after Draco finished his trail.
Harry looked mockingly all around the shop. “Wow . . . look at that . . . he’s not here now! So why not have a go? They might be able to find you a double cell in Azkaban with your loser of a husband!”
Draco’s blood boiled and now you were standing, your wand out. His hand went out to stop you protectively as he glared Harry down.
“Don’t you dare talk to my mother like that, Potter!” He snarled.
“It’s all right, Draco,” His mother pressed her lips into a tight line. “The boy is ignorant. We cannot blame him for that,”
Harry raised his wand higher. Draco clenched his fist, knowing that you were holding his wand at the moment. He wished that you would hand it over, but maybe, it was for the best that you didn’t.
“Get lost Harry,” Your voice came in strong and cold. “You’re not going to do anything, and we have better things to do than entertain your pettiness.”
“You’re worse than he is,” Harry spat. “What would Cedric say, if he knew?”
You went rigid under Draco’s touch. He growled at Potter and his friends. Granger was trying to pull Harry away, and Ron was dumbfounded, baffled that Harry would say something like that.
“It’s easy to love those who are good to you isn’t it?” You hissed. “But you will never understand unconditional love,”
Your hand intertwined with his as you turned your back on Harry and his friends and Draco could see your resolve crumbling. Harry had made a low blow by bringing up Cedric and Harry would pay for hurting you like that.
“Come,” His mother decided. “We’ll go elsewhere,”
Draco ignored the tittering from Madam Malkin as he pulled you close to his side and walked out of the shop with you, his mother not far behind. Immediately he pulled you into a tight embrace and your arms wrapped around him.
“I’m so sorry darling,” He whispered softly. “Harry will pay for that,” You nodded into his shoulder.
He stroked your cheek softly and you nuzzled into is touch a small smile touching your lips.
“It’s a shame,” You whispered. “You looked really handsome in those robes,”
He chuckled. “If she stuck me with another pin, I was going to lose it,” He admitted.
Walking along Diagon Alley, you waved at Hagrid, smiling. He seemed quite surprised to see you with Draco but offered a nod and hesitant smile.
“Mother,” Draco gave his mother a knowing look.
It was time for him to go into Borgin and Burke’s alone. You slipped him his wand back and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” You whispered. “Especially with Potter around,”
He nodded begrudgingly and took off towards Knockturn Alley. Fate seemed to be on his side when Borgin confirmed that he did have another Vanishing Cabinet in the shop. The only issue was that the one at Hogwarts was damaged by the information that Abby had given to you.
Borgin insisted that he see the cabinet, but Draco refused. It had to stay put for this to work.
“Well, without seeing it, I must say it will be a very difficult job, perhaps impossible. I couldn’t guarantee anything.”
“No?” Draco mused, a menacing smile upon his face. “Perhaps this will make you more confident.”
He hated that it came to this, but he revealed his Dark Mark to the shop owner and watched the fear come into the eyes of Borgin. He rather that no one know of what had happened to him and loathed that it had to be a bargaining chip when he’d rather be rid of the wretched thing.
“Tell anyone,” Draco hissed, “and there will be retribution. You know Fenrir Greyback? He’s a family friend. He’ll be dropping in from time to time to make sure you’re giving the problem your full attention.”
It was another part of your plan. You said insurance would be important and Draco agreed. He knew Greyback would be the best insurance that anyone could offer.
“There will be no need for —”
“I’ll decide that,” He snapped. “Well, I’d better be off. And don’t forget to keep that one safe, I’ll need it.”
“Perhaps you’d like to take it now?”
“No, of course I wouldn’t, you stupid little man, how would I look carrying that down the street? Just don’t sell it.”
“Of course, not . . . sir.” Borgin bowed to him, as he once did to his father and it twisted Draco’s insides so much that he barely was able to keep his charade up.
Draco quickly stalked out of Knockturn Alley and back into your arms. You looked to him, expectant and he nodded. Guilt tore through him as relief flooded your features. He hated doing this to you. Making you walk this dark path with him, but he had no idea how he would manage it without you.
That night he curled up on your chest and your hands absent-mindedly ran through his hair. You were humming some sort of lullaby that he couldn’t quite place, but it was a repetitive tune for you over the past few weeks—something that you were clinging to.
“My dad... he used to sing it, it’s muggle I think...” You explained when he asked. “And then my mother did... when I had nightmares.” Your face fell a bit. “You reminded me of it when you called me your sunshine,”
Sure enough, when he did draw the few lyrics you remembered from your lips, it was very fitting. Soon, the lullaby became a comfort for you both.
A ray of sunshine in the middle of darkness.
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Chapter 7
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Since all the Transphobic JKR shit is happening I thought I'd share this small drabble I wrote
Blaise touched their leather wristband anxiously. As they looked around all they could see was colour. There were so many people, some wearing little to no clothing, others wearing body suits made of a kaleidoscope of colour. They saw blue hair, green hair, pink hair, but what amazed them most was the faces of the people around them. Everyone was talking animatedly with each other, with so much love and happiness in their eyes, it made Blaise's breath catch in their throat.
Blaise looked down at their own clothing, a nice long dark grey skirt that had a side opening which showed that they were wearing boots with heels. It wasn't the most comfortable outfit to wear at Pride, but they had one chance to wear their clothing unashamedly and they were gonna take it, for Merlin's sake.
As they were contemplating whether to first get a drink or go look at the merchandise (they weren't leaving without at least a pin), Blaise heard an unmistakable ethereal voice beside them.
"Oh, Blaise, I didn't know you were attending this year's pride," she then seemed to take in Blaise's outfit and her smile became larger and softer. "I really like your skirt, it really suits you".
Luna was wearing a flower crown made from daisies, a thin dress that reached just under her knees with a flower pattern, and what seemed to once have been white converse but that now were a mix of different colours and drawings, as if a five year-old had been playing with them.
Still caught off guard, Blaise smiled at her with a small, tight smile. They could still remember the war when they saw people from Hogwarts. "This is actually the first time I come to one of these events. I can't really wear this around wizards."
Luna looked at them with a furrowed brow, and Blaise couldn't really say if they had seen that look on Luna before. "That is so stupid. It's not like wearing something or other changes anything. After everything that's happened, you'd think they wouldn't care". After a few seconds of silence she smiled softly again. "I'm actually with some other friends from Hogwarts. Why don't you join us?" Before Blaise could answer, she was already heading between the people, supposedly in the direction where her friends were.
Blaise couldn't actually remember the last time they had heard from Draco or Pansy. A year? A year and a half? It'd been three years since the war ended. Draco had moved to Muggle London, unable to take the judgment and insults everytime he left his home. Blaise had gone to Paris with their mother. Pansy, had supposedly stayed in Wizarding London. At first they'd exchanged letters, but as time passed they became scarce. Blaise had finally arrived to London three months ago. Before the pain in their chest got too much, Blaise decided to follow Luna. It was better than fumbling around Pride lost and alone.
As soon as Blaise had caught up with Luna, she turned and smiled, as if she never had any doubt that they would be following. "What are your pronouns by the way? Mine are they-them."
That made Blaise stop suddenly. They had never told anyone about their pronouns, never said the words out loud. Luna was looking at them spectantly, as if she-they knew what was happening in their brain. "It's they-them too actually". There. They had said the words. A weight they didn't know they'd been holding suddenly disappeared, and they felt like they could breathe properly. Blaise's normally poised self couldn't control the joyful smile that appeared, against their will. "Are you non-binary too?" They tried to keep the excitement from their voice, but from the amused smile in Luna's face, they weren't very successful.
"I'm agender, actually. Gender feels like a big facade sometimes, and I can't say I understand it, so I just wear what I like and what feels good."
Blaise looked at Luna, with their beautiful hair and dress.
"Can I ask why you wear a dress? I thought being agender you'd wear more androgynous clothing". At the look of confusion on Luna's face, Blaise felt themself blush.
"Well, as I said, I wear what I like. I don't see how what I decide to wear is related to me feeling like any kind of gender. Also," their smile got bigger and more playful, "I'm not scared of nargles stealing my flower crown here." Blaise couldn't tell if Luna meant it as a joke or not. Their eyes were playful, but their tone was completely serious. Before Blaise could start asking the question, they heard a voice calling Luna.
"Hey, where were you? We'd thought you'd gotten lost, and we were about to send someone to rescue you." Potter said with a smile on his face. He then seemed to take in that there was someone beside Luna, and that said person was Blaise Zabini. "Oh, Zabini. Didn't know you were... coming."
Blaise felt Potter's eyes go down his body, and when he took in Blaise's skirt his eyebrows lifted and his eyes got slightly bigger. If Blaise didn't know better, they would've thought a small smile curved the Saviour's mouth. Blaise felt extremely uncomfortable under his gaze. They rationally knew they wouldn't get any insults because of their clothing, being where they were, but it still made Blaise fidget under his gaze. "Yes, well..." They didn't know what to say to that, so Blaise decided to just look somewhere else.
As Potter started talking to Luna about one thing or another, Blaise's gaze fell onto Potter's body. He was shirtless, showing beautiful tattoos over his chest and arms made up of colourful flowers. He was also wearing tight jeans ripped at the knees and old running shoes. As Blaise's eyes went back to Potter's chest, to the beautiful patterns and details, they noticed something they had never before. Under his nipples where to thin scars, unmistakable by their location. Blaise felt themself take in a breath, and Potter must have heard them for he looked at Blaise with a comprehending and slightly pained smile. "I got these somewhere around fifth year. Never been happier"
Blaise didn't know what to say. How had they never noticed? "I... I don't really understand how... Did everyone know?" There were so many questions going around their mind, and Blaise didn't know what to ask, how to ask it. Before the war they probably wouldn't have had a problem with prying, but now... The war had left them quiet and introspective, moreso than before.
"Mione and Ron knew. And most of the staff, and my roommates and quidditch team. I didn't really want the kids at Hogwarts to know. I already got shit in the Muggle world, and with all that pureblood bullcrap already going on at school..." Potter grimaced a bit, as if trying and failing to make a memory stay back.
"I understand" was all that Blaise said. And they really meant it. And by the way Potter looked at them, and the small smile in his face, they thought he believed it. After a few seconds where Blaise felt emotion swelling in their chest, they coughed a bit, willing the fullness to disappear and tentatively asked "What are your preferred pronouns, by the way? Mine are they/them." Blaise could feel themself blushing, trying to remember how Luna had said that, and they tentatively looked at them for reassurance. Blaise wasn't expecting the pride in Luna's eyes, which made Blaise's cheeks heat further. When they looked at Potter once again, his face was nearly radient.
"He/him. Thanks for asking." Potter replied. After that they looked at each other for a few seconds. Potter opened his mouth, as if to say something to Blaise, but before he could even utter a sound, a pair of pale arms hooked around Potter's neck. "Darling, I thought I'd lost you forever."
That was the voice of his best friend, Draco Malfoy, always the dramatic. Blaise smiled at that, unable to hide their amusement. If the way Potter laughed and sent Blaise a look meant anything, he was probably thinking the same thing. Draco's hair was slightly shorter than Blaise remembered, his eyes were still the beautiful grey, made even more striking by the winged eyeliner adorning his eyes. All his face was accentuated by glitter: his cheekbones, eyebrows, chin; there was even some on his neck and chest. He was wearing a shirt that was cut at its centre, showing off most of his chest, the most tight fitted black jeans they had ever seen, and striking black stilletos. Blaise wasn't even sure of how he was walking in those.
Just as Blaise was finishing taking their best friend in, Draco's eyes finally reached Blaise. "By the Merlin, what are you doing here Blaise?" Blaise would have been offended by the way Draco said that if it wasn't for the face-splitting grin on his face. They felt an immense relief at that, just realizing how scared they actually were of where the two of them were standing with each other. "And in a skirt. I always knew you'd look amazing. If only you'd agreed to try with me in third year," Draco tsked at that, acting as if he really had been offended.
Blaise started laughing at that, both at the memory and the comment, making them realize how much they had missed him. As they laughed, Blaise realized they hadn't laughed like that in a very long time. Maybe since before the war started. Seeing the answering smiles in Draco's, Potter's and Luna's faces, they couldn't help but wonder if they all knew, and whether they would have been happier staying here, with the rest of people from Hogwarts.
The four of them started talking, about everything and anything. Blaise mostly listened, and offered witty remarks when asked personally. They had missed this. It felt like getting part of the old them back. A better, kinder version of themself, but the lifeliness they had lost at the war was slowly creeping out. Draco seemed to notice this too, for he was looking at Blaise with such emotion that they themself thought they soon might start spilling a tear or two.
"Hey, dickhead," a familiar voice stole them away from their reverie, and as they turned they saw no other than Pansy Parkinson. The day really couldn't get better. "You can't ask us to help you find a drink and then suddenly leave us, claiming that your dork boyfriend needs you. That's just rude," she finally stated, adding a vulgar gesture to add to the effect. Draco just pulled out his tongue as a response. Everything was so familiar and at the same time so much better and brighter than ever, that Blaise couldn't help the laughter that sprung out of them. Pansy's eyes then took Blaise in, finally noticing an extra presence. "Blaise..."
Pansy only said that, looking at them as if seeing a ghost. "Hey, Pansy. How have you been doing?" Blaise added with a nod of their head. They weren't sure what else to say. What else was allowed. Had something broken over the months -years- they hadn't spoken? But before they could go down that rabbit hole any further, Pansy's arms circled their neck. She was wearing a black see through dress, that reached up to her knees, underneath a black bralette, and what seemed to be high waisted black panties. She was also wearing her signature black military boots.
"I missed you, you doofus. I'm sorry I didn't answer your last letter. Everything was so fragile, I just..." She whispered that right into their ear, so no one else heard her. Blaise squeezed her back in response, assuring her that everything was alright. They all had gone to dark places after the war. Blaise had always been closer to Pansy than even Draco during their time at Hogwarts, and they had missed her more than anyone else.
They separated from their embrace, though Pansy still stayed close to Blaise, making sure to brush her hand against theirs, as if making sure Blaise was really there. It was then that Blaise realized that there was a shorter person behind Pansy, and for a few seconds they didn't recognize her. "Granger? I nearly didn't recognize you." Instead of wearing her head completely free and unruly, she had combed her incredibly dark, curly hair into two buns on either side of her head. She had painted a gay flag on her right cheek, and a lesbian one on her left one. Granger was wearing high-waisted shorts and a maroon sleeveless shirt. Over her shoulders was a lesbian flag flowing behind her, making her look like a superhero. Blaise smiled at that, it really suited her. Blaise then took at Pansy's hand holding Granger's, and the bisexual flag painted over Pansy's right cheek. "How did that happen? And when?" Blaise pointed accusingly at their joined hands.
Pansy just gave them a leering grin in response. "A lot of things happen in three years. I met her in the ministry, and couldn't make her stay away".
At that Granger smacked Pansy's arm (pretty hard) and ignored Pansy's yelp of pain. "If I remember correctly," Granger cleared up, "it was you who spent nearly three weeks asking me for drinks and sending me flowers to my office. I just accepted to take you out of your misery." At Pansy's offended expression, Granger got on tiptoes of her high boots and pecked her. Pansy grumbled something in response, but seemed to accept the peace offering.
"I'm offended I didn't get any kind of surprise from you, Blaise, when you saw me and Harry," Draco piped in while pointing at Blaise with one slender finger and pouting his mouth. Blaise lifted one eyebrow, making Draco blush.
"Draco, you've been in love with Potter since first year. If you wanted me surprised you should be hugging Weasley." Blaise answered, making Potter blush and Luna, Granger, and Pansy start laughing.
"Harry was no better," Granger confided with a knowing grin -God, Pansy and Granger were alike- "you should have seen him during Sixth year, always following Draco around." This made Potter blush, and Draco give his boyfriend a loud kiss on the cheek. "Also," Granger added looking at Blaise, "Weasley would never have accepted, sorry to disappoint." Her stare was so intense, that Blaise felt suddenly very queasy.
"Where is Weasley by the way?" Blaise asked, trying to make Granger stop looking at them so intently.
"Oh, he's with my partners." Luna said with a big smile, as if the mere mention of their partners made them incredibly happy. "That is, Ginny and Neville."
This made Blaise stop suddenly. The three together? They had heard of polyamory (they lived in Paris) but had never thought any of their school friends would be in one. Though it shouldn't be that surprising, Blaise thought as they scanned the rest of the group, as they all seemed to be queer. The thought made Blaise smile, thinking about how much fun it would have been to know all of this during Hogwarts, or how dangerous, an unhelpful voice supplied.
It was then that said three arrived to the group, Ginny eating what seemed to be a strawberry ice cream. She was wearing Levi overalls, with a yellow shirt underneath, and red converse. Neville, which seemed to have recovered some weight and looked much healthier (he had lost quite some weight during those last years at school and during the war, making him look sick and pale),was wearing a short sleeved purple shirt and black trousers. Then Blaise's eyes finally found Ron, who was wearing a similar flower crown to Luna's but made of violets. He was wearing a white sleeveless shirt with a print of flowers of different colors, fitted jeans, and brown boots. He would have seemed pretty common if he wasn't wearing the flower crown, and glitter on his cheeks. He was laughing at something Ginny was telling him, which made his blue eyes squint with glee. And then the blue eyes caught Blaise's, widening, which made the other two notice them as well. Ginny was the only one who addressed them, "Blaise Zabini. Who would have thought?" She said while laughing, and gesticulating with her arms, making Neville swiftly take the ice cream before anything bad happened. Obviously she was already ahead of the rest in the drinking department. Though Blaise was relieved, this was a much better reaction than they had expected.
Blaise waved at the three of them as they finally got to the group, the rest adjusting the circle they had made to accommodate the group. Ginny gave Luna a bone-crushing hug, which made Luna laugh giddily. Neville kissed the edge of Luna's forehead. It was that moment that Granger decided to address the group: "Okay. So now that we're all finally here," she said that giving the last to come a pointed look, "we could re-introduce ourselves. Name, pronouns, and any other info we'd like to add." She paused at that, waiting for someone to start.
She didn't wait long as Pancy started: "Pansy Parkinson, she/her. Bisexual a-f, and dating the most amazing woman ever." She gave Granger a kiss on the cheek, and Granger just answered with a loving look.
"Hermione Granger, and everyone here can call me Hermione, or Mione," she said that looking at Blaise with a soft smile. Blaise really appreciated that from Gran- Hermione, given their pasts. "My pronouns are she/her and if you couldn't tell from my flag, I'm a flaming homosexual, as Draco would put it. And I'm the amazing women Pansy is dating," she said with a snicker, making Blaise and everyone except Pansy snort. Though Pansy was giving her a wounded, which was obviously secretly amused, pout.
"Well, since my dear Hermione took my phrase, I'll have to stick with being fabulously gay. And my name is Draco, pronouns are he/him."
"Just Harry here" to which everyone, including Blaise themself, answered with an obvious "Hello Just-Harry". Harry gave everyone a withering look before continuing. "He/him, and also bi."
"I'm Ron, he/him. And err," he paused, looking at Blaise as if not sure he could trust them wholly, which Blaise didn't judge him for. "I'm genderqueer, and I'm demisexual."
"I'm Ginny, she/her, polyamorous, and pansexual." She said this while moving between Neville and Luna, putting an arm over both their shoulders, which proved to be hard as she was quite shorter than both of them.
"Neville, he/him. Also polyamorous, in a queer platonic relationship with these two incredible people. I'm asexual, and bi-romantic."
"Im Luna Lovegood, they/them, and im agender, aromantic and asexual." At that Harry shouted between his hands 'Triple A!' making Luna laugh softly.
It was finally Blaise's turn and everyone was looking at them. Blaise decided to be 100% honest; this is what they had been looking for, people with who they could be themself with. "Well, I'm Blaise Zabini, would also prefer Blaise. My pronouns are they/them, I'm non binary, and demiromantic and pansexual." There, it was all out in the open. The words before today they had said allowd only once in front of the mirror, about 6 months ago.
"Well," Pansy cut the silence. "Now that all the mushiness is over -Ouch, I meant to say necessary and appreciated mushiness," she added at Hermione's elbow. "It's time to drink, dance and have fun!" They all agreed with her loudly, raising their glasses. Blaise hadn't noticed, everyone having one, and they suddenly felt slightly naked. "Hey. I'll go with you to get something to drink," Pansy offered Blaise. They smiled at her and thanked her.
They walked together, the few first seconds in silence, and then the conversation started slowly. It was tentative at first, each asking what had they had done during the last years. Pansy had studied journalism and had done an internship in the Ministry for about a year, which was where she saw Hermione again. Pansy said that after all that happened with Rita Skeeter, all the misinformation and the lies, she had swore to make sure to dig into cases and give people the real information. Blaise remembered how angry she had been reading Rita Skeeter's articles during Hogwarts. Blaise told her they had started doing Magical Law, but it had soon bored them, and they decided to drop out. After that they did a course on fashion and design, and had worked with amazing people in Paris. They were now finishing that course in London, having asked for a transfer after their mother's death. After that, Pansy and Blaise started talking about all kinds of issues, they couldn't even remember what they talked about, and before they knew it, they were back at the circle, Blaise with a glass of rum-coke in their hand.
They were all talking, and they wasted no time in including them in the conversation. After a while they were all dancing. Blaise danced with Pansy, and Draco the most, but had also danced with Hermione, Luna, and even Harry. Now Blaise was dancing with Ron, both of them jumping around, holding each other by the hands, while the music blasted though the speakers, two Drag Queens singing and dancing along on the stage.
Blaise couldn't remember the last time they had been so carefree and happy. If someone had told them during their Hogwarts years that they would be dancing with the golden trio, Blaise would have laughed at them. But now, they felt so much joy growing inside of them, and as they looked at what could soon become friends to them, and the people dancing, laughing, and kissing around them, they felt truly, and unapologetically PROUD.
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