#jj would freak the fuck out

[shellxrls]

can't be genuine when writing with rafe bc lets be real rafe would see my wrists and stay the fuck away from me 😭

[sunniepoo]

I NEED more of the obx/reader love islane PLEEK 😭😭😭 jj next pls pls pls

love island!jj

jj is an og boy through and through, i have no clue why but something about him screams being in the original line up. the public love him from the moment he comes on, from his looks to his personality he already becomes a bit of a fan favourite

i feel like you would also be in the original line up however you wouldn’t be coupled together, i think it’d be a situation where the public chooses who should go together and honestly he’s gutted. his eyeballs nearly popped out when he saw you and in his head he’s praying that the public chose you to be with him but to his dismay it was not the case

but that doesn’t stop either of you, it was easy to fall for him with his jokey, playful manor but still that masculine presence that follows him - i think the moment where the two of you’d click is when your playing a game around the fire pit and you mention something about the ocean or surfing and it just clicks for him that he needs to get you in his bed as soon as possible

i think it’s only a matter of time before he’s pulling you for chats and slowly flirting his way into your heart, during one of the first recouplings he picks you and honestly that’s only the beginning for the two of you, it’s really sweet and romantic from there on and you become a public favourite quite quickly (sort of like lana and ron s9)

the main major stump between the two of you is when bombshells come in and neither of you have communicated well about that situation so when you see him cracking on with another girl that’s not you, it genuinely shatters your heart into a million

i feel like we see this in obx and i can see it translate into this very well is jj’s fear of intimacy and closeness, for him he could care less about the bombshell but it’s the idea that you and him have been getting so close it’s causing him to freak out and that’s how he finds himself flirting with someone’s name he can barely remember

and before he can even explain himself or even talk to you, everyone’s gathering around the fire pit and he’s being chosen leaving you single - he couldn’t hate himself more in that moment because the idea of you going home genuinely makes him want to leave with you but production comes through and you’re being sent on a date ( really pulling a mimii on this one s11)

following that it’s just a bit of back and forth of arguing and getting back at each other before he sits you down and just breaks, he starts pouring his heart out and you start to realise that whatever anger you have is not worth it

not to say it doesn’t cause a stump in your relationship but your connection with him is stronger than the anger you have. truly once you guys get over that it’s so so sweet and heartwarming

you’d 100% be the very loud, active couple like everyone else is complaining at how your going at it and he genuinely has no shame and doesn’t care - he’s eating you out under those covers with no shame

you guys going to the hideaway would go so viral just cause of how fucked out you look after (lowk like in love island usa when kenny and jaNa came out) hair is a mess and everyone is making memes about how he gives it good

casa amour is such a realisation for him at how much he needs you to keep his mood up because for the first time he is just so out of it and it’s solely because he misses you - the casa recoupling is so cute because you literally run to him and he’s looking at you so in love

like i said casa is such a realisation for him that it doesn’t take long for him to make you his girlfriend and drop the l bomb and if people though you were loud before, god were they not prepared

people have been rooting for you since like day one, when they saw his face when you’d strutted in so it was a very clear and obvious win, and all hell breaks loose when you announce your first kid a couple years later and all you can think is how this started from a silly show you went on for fun

[gallavichsreddie1128]

I’m Sorry (Rafe Cameron)

Description: Rafe didn’t tell the Pogues that Y/N (his wife and their ex best friend) (and JJ’s ex) would be on this trip to get the crown with them.

Word Count: 2,558

Rafe didn’t tell the pogues that his wife, their ex best friend, would be on the boat. JJ and her dated for a while but things didn’t work out and she ended up in the arms of Rafe Cameron.

The pogues disowned her after they found out that she was dating him. She was heartbroken and Rafe put her heart back together. She was with him while he stirred the boat. The others outside the door talking about them.

She knew that they didn’t trust Rafe and they probably didn't trust her. She didn’t blame them but she had hoped that this would make them see that they could trust them, mostly her. “Rafe, Y/N.” John B said the couple’s names.

They both turned to look at the group that was by the door. “Hey guys.” Y/N said but her voice was quiet. She hadn’t talked to them in so long and to hear her name fall from his lips was crazy. “We just want peace.” That would have been simple until JJ decided to punch him.

Y/N felt rage through her body at him doing that. Almost like JJ had always wanted to do that, probably has. “REALLY?” Y/N yelled at him. “I don’t trust him, none of us do. Not sure if we even trust you.” He said. That had hurt her a lot.

She wasn’t the reason their relationship ended, it was him. Rafe fixed her and sure he wasn’t the best guy but it was enough for her. “I’m not the one who fucked you over JJ, you fucked over me.” Y/N said. 

Y/N waited for Rafe to wake up. It was a battle but she convinced them not to tie him up. She had food and pain killers waiting for him. He woke a few hours after the incident and looked around, “Hey babe. I brought you some food and painkillers.” Y/N told him.

He was pissed and wanted them off the boat after that but again Y/N had to convince him not too. “He punched me. Let’s not pretend that this is just about me not being trustworthy.” Rafe said to her as they ate. Y/N raised her eyebrows.

He was probably right. “Yeah well that was 3 years ago, Rafe.” She was over it and was even ready to forgive him but JJ didn’t feel the same. Maybe JJ was still in love with her after all. 

The boat started to rock like crazy causing them to get up and see what was going on. It was a disaster waiting to happen. The boat was crashing into the water and flooding. “Guys what’s going on?” She asked. “The storm.” Kie said. Y/N managed to make her way to where John B was.

JJ and Sarah are also there. It was bad, so bad to the point that Y/N ended up in the water. “Y/N.” JJ yelled and grabbed a raft and threw it in the water. “I’m coming.” He yelled and jumped in the water after her.

Rafe got there just in time to see them get covered by a big wave. He screamed his wife’s name and Sarah managed to hold him back so they didn’t lose more people. 

Rafe was crying and freaking out. The others had hope that they would turn up but Rafe had lost too much. They all felt bad and guilty that they treated them like that and realized that they aren’t bad people. Y/N never was and she might be dead. Sarah couldn’t help but cry.

Maybe it was the guilt or the sadness but she was crying so hard. Rafe was thinking about it so much. His wife was most likely dead and JJ jumped in after her. If they were alive he couldn’t even be mad about it. What if JJ had saved her life but what if she realized that she still loved him?

Rafe was deep in thought that he didn’t realize John B looking out in the distance at two people. “Guys.” Everyone looked over at the two people walking towards them. Rafe jumped up and ran to them. As he got closer he saw his wife and he laughed in relief.

She saw him and ran to him as well until they collapsed on the ground in a hug. Both of them were crying and saying that they love one another. JJ watched as the couple kissed and laughed in relief. He saved her life and though she was thankful, she was not going to leave rafe for him. 

“I saved her life.” JJ tells the others as they all sit around the fire. “And I am thankful for that JJ.” She said to him. He couldn’t meet her eyes, why was it that he thought she would love him all over again now? “Thanks for saving her.” Rafe said to him.

Everyone was shocked by that but also it made sense. Y/N was his wife after all.  Rafe wanted to be mad and yell at him but he couldn’t. She might not be alive if it wasn’t for him. But the thought of JJ and her together sickened him. Rafe wasn’t an idiot and saw right through JJ.

He knew that JJ was hoping for her to love him again and that’s what scared him. What broke him out of his thoughts was her yawning in his arms. “Well, I’m tired. Goodnight guys.” She said. Rafe followed her to where she was sleeping and laid down next to her. He pulled her body right up against his and he felt her snuggle up against him.   

Hearing that Sarah was pregnant actually made Y/N happy. She knew that John B and Sarah would be good parents and she was very excited for them. Rafe and her wanted kids but Rafe was scared. He never wanted to treat his kids the way he was treated.

Sure he loved his dad but it wasn’t a hidden fact that he wasn’t the greatest dad. But Rafe had no reaction to hearing that Sarah was pregnant. Y/N wanted to ask him about it but they really had no time. When Rafe almost got arrested for something the others did, it slipped her mind.

And Rafe had a lot of questions for her when they were walking around. “Did he try anything after saving you?” He asked after buying them clothes. “No. We barely talked.” Which was true. She thanked him and even hugged him but besides that they didn’t talk. “Did he tell you that he was still in love with you?” She looked at him like he had three heads. She shook her head, “No because he isn’t.” Rafe wanted to argue that factor but instead asked another question.

“Do you feel anything for him after that?” “Rafe, what?” She asked. “He saved your life and did something I couldn’t.” She rolled her eyes and huffed. Whether he was going to admit it or not she knew that was his worst fear. “Rafe, I can assure you I don’t love him. I love you.” She tells him.

Before he could respond he notices someone and pulls Y/N with him up against the wall. The people were talking about Groff. They listened and figured that he was close by. 

Rafe didn’t wanna leave her alone so he bought her a four wheeler and told her once he has Groff to speed off with them. She nods and waits for her man as he kicks some ass and gets Groff. Before Groff could say anything to her they drove off. She followed Rafe to wherever it was that he was headed.

She got off the four wheeler and Rafe immediately started to question Groff. Groff didn’t even get to say anything to Y/N with how Rafe was questioning him. Groff didn’t have the money anymore but he had the map to the treasure. Y/N gasped when they started fighting and Rafe took those things from him.

The Pendant was beautiful. Y/N couldn’t wait to wear it but that slipped her mind as Rafe pushed him in the well. “HAHA CHECKMATE BITCH.” Y/N bit her lip, finding that hot but knew it wasn’t the right time. He handed her the pendant and she put it on. “It looks beautiful on you.” He winks at her. She smiled at him and he looked at the map. They had a long way to go. 

“You know it was really hot when you pushed Groff into that well.” She said to him. He looked over at her and smirked, “My wife is a freak.” She laughed at him and shook her head, “Anything you do I find hot, Rafe.” He looked back at the map as they walked.

“Yeah well I would love to fuck you right now after hearing that but we gotta get our money first.” She sighed. It was truly unfortunate that they couldn’t. “Give me the pendant.” He says and she takes it off and hands it to him.

He tries to read the map with it but gets frustrated. “Here.” She said and took the necklace from him. She used to do this treasure hunting stuff with the pogues all the time. He smiled as he watched her figure it out. 

Rafe, who had the map in his hand, held up his hands as they were held at gunpoint. Y/N also held up her hands and looked at her husband, nervously. “Let her go she has nothing to do with this.” Rafe tries but they don’t care. “Drop the map.” Rafe nods and announces that he’s doing it slowly.

Y/N couldn’t look anywhere but her husband, missing her old friends ready to shoot the guys holding them hostage. It was in a flash of a second that Sarah shot at them and Rafe took Y/N’s hand and they ran. The pogues followed them. Rafe picked Y/N up and ran faster. She told him to wait as she saw the pogues but he didn’t listen until they barged through the door. “Next time we’ll let you get shot.” Kie tells him but Y/N thanks her. He sets Y/N down but still has the map. “Groff didn’t have the money.” She says to the others.

“Hand over the map.” Y/N looks at Rafe knowing he wouldn’t go down without a fight. “Rafe, baby give them it. They know what they are doing.” He looks at her, “You also know.” While that was true this was their fight now. “Dad would want us to work together.” Rafe was about to break. He believed that Sarah killed him. Y/N didn’t. “Rafe, they are willing to work together.” Y/N tries but he yells at Sarah saying that he couldn’t trust her because of Ward. “Dad died saving me. I was gonna die.” Y/N felt tears in her own eyes. “You’re so quick to blame me for everything.” That was true. “You’re gonna leave me just like everyone else in my life has besides Y/N. She’s the only one keeping me going. You’ll ruin that. He’s trying to ruin that.” Rafe pointed at JJ.

JJ stayed silent as Sarah talked to him, “I’m all you have.” “Baby look at me. She’s telling the truth. I know them baby, they aren’t bad people. Nothing will ever come between us.” Her heart broke at the sight of him crying. “We’ll still get our cut?” Rafe asked Sarah. “Yes.” He goes to hand her the map but she pushes it away and she hugs him. Y/n smiled at the sight and rubbed his back as he tried to hold back tears. 

“Hun, I’m going down there to stop them.” “No.” “Rafe, they are killers.” Kie said to him. He looks at the two of them. “I’m a killer too.” He says and if he said that at any other point, she would have been so turned on but right now they were on a mission. Kie and Y/N couldn’t really see JJ but kept telling him to hurry up. He was trying but he was going to find it no matter what.

Y/N kept looking behind her hoping to see Rafe but she couldn’t. She couldn’t lose him and this was making her think she would. “JJ we have to go.” Kie yelled at him. He was reaching into the eye of the sand statue and it looked like he pulled something out but she couldn’t be so sure.

The sand was everywhere. She heard yelling and cheering from him and smiled to herself. He got the crown. A few minutes later he showed them the crown and they all hugged. It was a nice feeling, one that she missed. They ran down to get the others and Y/N’s mind was on her husband. She had to make sure he was okay.

She yelled his name as she looked for him but gasped as she saw Groff. She hid so he couldn’t see her and he grabbed Kie. Y/N had to cover her mouth. She was hoping that he wouldn’t hurt her but of course he was willing to trade her for the crown. They were so close.

Y/N watched as the trade was made and sighed in relief. She was glad her friends were okay. Sure she wanted the money back but their lives were and always will be more important. She turned to go find Rafe but heard Kie gasping. Y/N turned around and her eyes widened, her heart dropped and her soul left her body. Groff had stabbed JJ.

She didn’t care anymore and ran over to him as Groff ran off. She thought about chasing him but didn’t want to get killed. “JJ.” She cried and he looked at her. For once since they reunited he looked at her and he didn’t look mad. Kie and her helped him to the ground.

“You’re gonna be okay. We will get you out of here.” Kie said. JJ gave them a smile, “It’s okay.” “JJ we can get you help.” Y/N tells him. He looks over at her, “Y/N I’m sorry that I messed up with you and never gave you what you deserved.” “JJ I don’t care about that stuff.” He could barely get out words but he had to tell her, “Kie I never told you my wish.” Kie was crying.

“JJ it’s okay…” “I have everything I could ever wish for right now.” He holds both of their hands. “My best friend.” He looks at Kie. “And the woman I’ll always love.” He looks at Y/N. Y/N starts crying harder. “I love you both.”  He said and his grip on their hands weakened. He was dead.

The others started showing up and everyone was crying. Rafe showed up and saw Y/N put JJ’s hand in his lap. He couldn’t even feel relief about this, nothing about it was. He wasn’t jealous or mad cuz for once he knew that she was his and that no matter what they were together.

He got on the ground with her. “Hey.” He said and she collapsed in his lap crying for her friend. “It’s okay baby. I understand and I promise you we will avenge him.” He whispered to her. One thing she learned about being married to Rafe Cameron was that he kept his word. Especially on Revenge. 

[itsthecline]

headcanons

maybank!reader x rafe cameron

warnings i talk about them having sex

18+ minors dni

you knew rafe before working at the club. everyone on the island knew everyone on the island. you knew that he messed with your brother and friends. you knew he was a rich kook who thought of himself as god. until he started bothering you at work , he was just some asshole to you.

the flirting started at work and then transformed into him offering to give you a ride home one night when your truck had broken down. he dropped you off a block from the house due to your request , and it never came up again.

jj had his bike , and you had your truck. it was beat up , but you had repaired it with your dad on his good days.

everything about your relationship was hidden from the world. the only person that had ever seen you together was ward one time when rafe was sneaking you out early one morning. “is that why you’ve been less of a menace lately?” he asked his son as he watched you pull out of their driveway.

your brother didn’t question your late nights or the days he wouldn’t see you. you always had some sort of excuse to get away with hanging out with rafe.

most of your hangouts were out on his boat away from anyone else. you’d lounge around drinking and smoking and talking about anything and everything. that’s when you truly got to know rafe. he confessed all of his secrets , the way he and his dad worked , sarah , all of it. you did the same , finding comfort in rafe.

at first , you thought it was just some weird friendship thing you two had going on , assuming he needed someone to be a human diary just like you did until he kissed you one night.

from that night on , you would hangout and hookup more often. it was obvious that there was something more than just friends with benefits , but you were content with what it was.

yes , jj finding out would have been world war three , but you were the most worried about kie finding out about you and rafe. you knew she had some sort of history with him after her kook year , but you didn’t know details , so it worried you a little.

beach bum!! if you’re not working , you’re on the beach. you’re always in a swimsuit with a shirt or shorts never both. you’re the only one that holds a candle to jj’s surfing.

despite keeping things under wraps , you both were very jealous people. you knew that it was inevitable to see some kook hanging on rafe’s arm at the boneyard , but that didn’t stop you from glaring dagger at her and saying it was directed at him when your friends asked. rafe is especially possessive , and he always made sure to show you how upset he was when ‘some pogue’ got too close to you.

i can see you posting that one tiktok sound that goes “he chose me! he don’t want you! nanny nanny booboo i fuck him more than you do!” with his arm over your shoulder to keep his identity hidden but still wanting to be petty about some girl at a party

you were off and on with him ; usually it was you calling it quits when he acted too out of line , but every once in awhile he would break up with you. you were always especially miserable when you weren’t with him , feeling like a piece of you was missing , but when it was because of him , it got really bad.

after you got back from pougelandia , you didn’t speak a word to him for eighteen long months. you saw him all over the island — with sofia , but you ignored his stares.

the worst thing about your relationship was the fact that you knew him so deeply and were convinced that in another world him and your brother could’ve been good friends. you accepted that wasn’t plausible in this lifetime , though.

he reassured you that you being a pogue didn’t matter to him at all , but you both knew it would affect your relationship in the long run. in the meantime , he spoiled you to death , saying his girl deserves the world.

y’all little freaks in the sheets. you’re the first girl that’s every truly gotten to experience rafe cameron the way you did. ever other girl he had been with was a one night stand , a stray two times thrown in there every now and again , but you got all of him.

the breakup sex was mind blowing , but it was the makeup sex that had your heart. rafe was softer with you , sweeter with his tone of voice.

you called him pookie all of the time , and he hated it. he liked ‘the normal ones’ like babe or baby. one he especially loved was my love. it reminded him that you did love him ; you weren’t hanging around for his money or to get anything from him.

he was so soft with you. aside from your tiffs ; you’d only gotten into one singular heated argument before. it lasted the longest out of all of them , mainly because you didn’t break up , you just kept fighting when you saw each other. he called you a bitch. you slapped him. and it just kept coming up.

it’s giving starstruck the way he had you cooped up in his room when he threw parties. it drove you insane , but you knew that rafe would be popping in all throughout the night , so it wasn’t a complete loss of time.

he misses you. a lot. he had sofia now , but she wasn’t you. he wanted to tell you that the first time you saw him after getting back , but he was with her and he saw you look at them together. you turned your back and walked away. he’d leave you alone for now.

taglist @maybankslover @annatartastic @maroonz @ravenmedows @yootvi @icaqttt

[princessbrunette]

⊹ ᜊ(ᜊ ´ ˘)੭ ♡ … PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ♡

track two of the short n’sweet series. pairing: criminal!jj x reader — based loosely off the song please please please by sabrina carpenter. enjoy! ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა

you knew what you were getting into, getting involved with an ex-convict and all.

it’s not that jj didn’t treat you well. no, he spoiled you in all the ways he could no matter how unconventional that might be. you’re talking bouquets of flowers he’d so clearly stolen from the gas station, pulling guns on guys that hit on you and threatening to ‘blast their freaking eyes out’ when they’d merely asked for your number, producing a wad of random cash when the nail lady asked if he wanted to pay contactless for your new set of nails. you figured he was trying his best, romantic in a way he knew how to be.

what you absolutely couldn’t take however, way the random disappearing acts. it was jj maybank you’re talking about here — you knew he’d be reckless and fly off the handle sometimes and you were pretty well equipped for that, infact that dangerous attitude was one of the things that drew you to him in the first place oddly enough. but every sunday, like clockwork the blonde would come up with some half ass excuse and disappear through the entire night, only to arrive home in the morning with pockets stuffed with cash. it made you anxious. whatever he was doing, whatever he was lying to you about — you wanted it to stop. don’t make me the girl who’s man goes back to jail and i still stick around, because i will— but it’s embarrassing— you beg to no one in your diary. you try and muster up the courage to ask jj about his doings, but each time you even toe in that direction he gets defensive, shaking his head with a little irritated scowl.

“look, i look after you right? tha’s all that matters mama. papa j’s got it figured out, you don’t need t’worry all the damn time.”

you wanted to trust that things would be fine, you really did.

he’d had a long week, and yet still when sunday rolled around you uneasily watched your boyfriend zipping up his hoodie ready to depart to wherever the hell it was he’d go to make all that money. you had a bad feeling, anxiety thrumming in the base of your stomach that something was going to happen tonight. you couldn’t let him go.

“jayj i jus— i just want you to— c’mon jay i have a fun idea, let’s just… let’s just stay inside!” you whine, verging on tears as you paw at him. his quick patience be damned, you were an emotional wreck and you needed him to listen.

“i gotta. you don’t get it.” he huffs, but even he doesn’t sound convinced, eyes lingering on you as you subtly pull your tank top down to let more of your titties spill out. that whiny tone in your voice usually meant one thing, and that one thing the two of you had been too busy to do that week.

“if y’need money i can give you some. whatever you need.” you wanted to yell at yourself to stand up, but trying everything was definitely on the cards. he scoffs, the provider in him repulsed by the idea and he gently grips your jaw between his thumb and pointer finger for a moment.

“what kinda fuck ass boyfriend would i be then, huh?” he brushes it off, but your pout remains.

“i need you. you can’t go. i need you.” it comes out all as one breath, and now— now you have his attention.

“that right sweetie?” he drawls, tongue in his cheek as he stops his movement towards the door to face you down, eyebrow twitching up in anticipation. keeping your desperate eyes on his, you stride back infront of him and all but fall to your knees, shaky hands going for his belt.

“please, please-please— as long as you need it. want it all night” you plead, and now he’s smiling — all big and malicious like a wolf as he thinks about using your throat, all thoughts of criminal activities becoming a memory.

he scrubs a hand down his face in deliberation before getting to work on his belt.

“ah alright.” he shrugs with a mischievous little chuckle. “for you, pretty thing? anything.”

the money could wait.

[tinylilacbun]

Hey! How are you? Hope you’re doing well. I was wondering if you can do a big brother rafe where the sister is like 3-4 and they went out to get ice cream and she gets lost and he’s freaking but she freaking out and she runs into JJ and he helps her find him. Whould love to see what Rafes reaction would be seeing JJ carry his little sister in his arms.

Mini Cameron Lost

Pairing: brother!rafe cameron x toddler!sister!reader, jj maybank x toddler!reader

Warnings: reader gets lost, rafe and jj not going at each other's throats for once

A/n: I LOVE THIS REQUEST! You're reading my mind cause I've been thinking about something like that a few days ago 🥹 and I'm doing good thanks for asking 🫶🏻

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You have been asking Rafe for days to take you out for ice cream and he finally caved in after your constant whining and begging. Now you both stand in line of a nice ice cream shop.

You are holding onto one of his fingers, waiting patiently for your turn when the ringing of Rafe's phone can be heard and he pulls his hand from your grasp so he could fish it out from his pocket.

That few seconds of letting you go was his great mistake as a stray cat caught your attention from the corner of your eye, your feet taking you in its direction without a second thought.

As expected the cat starts walking away and around a street corner as you start to approach it. You pick up your speed as well, toddling after it. Soon the cat jumps over a fence and you frown, realizing your chance to pet it is gone.

You didn't notice that you had been following the stray for a while so as you turn around and can't see Rafe anywhere you start to panic.

"Rafey?" You call out, bottom lip wobbling when no answer comes.

While you were helplessly walking around in search of your brother Rafe was freaking out himself. The second he ended the call and looked down at his side his heart practically dropped when you weren't standing next to him.

He instantly starts looking for you, his hands in his hair and shouting your name. "Shit, shit, shit. Fuck!"

Meanwhile you were crying and still walking around aimlessly. Through your blurry vision you can't see someone approaching you, suddenly bumping into a set of legs and landing on your butt.

"Whoa, careful there." JJ chuckles but quickly stops at noticing how distraught you are, crouching down in front of you. "Hey...you good?"

You only sob in response, rubbing your eyes frustratedly. "Wan' Rafey..."

JJ's eyes widen, realizing who you are and looks around for any sign of the kook who he can't stand even if he tried and vice versa. He quickly snaps his attention back to you when your crying gets louder, instinctively reaching under your armpits to pick you up.

"Hey, shh. Guess you got lost, huh? Don't worry, imma help ya find him, yea?" He bounces you a few times to try and soothe you.

Rafe was losing his mind, he has been searching you now for 20 minutes and was freaking out. He is about to call his dad, still looking around frantically when his eyes caught something.

He visibly relaxes when he sees JJ approaching him with you held on his hip. "Think you lost this, man."

"Thank god..." Rafe mutters, quickly closing the distance and doesn't hesitate to take you from JJ when you reach out for him, sobbing all over again the second you're in his arms. "You scared me to death, kid."

He holds you tightly, afraid you're gone the second he lets go again. He only pulls back to look you over for any visible injuries. "You okay? Not hurt anywhere?"

You simply press your face into his neck, grabbing his shirt in your hands and sniffling quietly.

JJ coughs awkwardly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "She was walking around near the cut. You're lucky I was the one who found her and not some junkie."

Rafe glances at him, rubbing your back subconsciously. "Thanks..."

"Ah, don't mention it." He waves it off.

"No, I'm serious. Thank you. I don't even want to think about what could have happened if you wouldn't have found her..." Rafe sighs, his hold on you tightening even more at the thought of something terrible happening to you because he didn't watch you for a second.

JJ simply nods, reaching up pat your head two times. "Better keep an eye on that one." He remarks before walking off.

Rafe just rolls his eyes, kissing the top of your head multiple times. "Never run off again. Can't believe you made me thank Maybank." He grumbles. "Now, let's go get you that damn ice cream."

"With spwinkles?" You ask quietly and he chuckles.

"You got it, with extra sprinkles."

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@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @devilslilbabysblog @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @wandaslittlewhore @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @aagn360 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse @iris-xoxo-juhu

For Rafe:

@chiaraanatra @chimindity

[miley1442111]

accidents- r.cameron

----------------

----------------

pairing: rafe cameron x fem! reader

summary: videos from the past resurface and it doesn't go well for your new relationship with rafe

warnings: kissing, toxic relationship, rafe is confused, cursing, drinking, suggestive mentions, mentions of rafe's addictions, mention of sobriety streak being broken, topper is an asshole, (i think that's it?)

not entirely proofread

----------------

Rafe slowly walked into your bedroom. He had no idea what he was doing there, and it scared him. God, why did Topper ever speak? None of this would’ve happened if he’d just kept his mouth shut. 

----------------

Three days earlier…

Rafe watched as you smiled at him across the crowded room. You were so beautiful, so radiant, so real, so his. Everyone knew you were Rafe Cameron’s girl, and in turn everyone knew Rafe was yours, even if you two hadn’t had ‘the conversation’ yet. Rafe wanted you more than anything, Rafe wanted you so much it had started to freak him out. He found himself being kinder, softer, and a lot more calm while he was around you, and even when he wasn’t around you. It felt good. Less people feared him. More people started to see him as a person, not this ‘unreal figure’ on the island. But Rafe was aware of what people said about you now that you two were together. He saw how some girls looked at you, he noticed how guys talked to you, and he always overheard people telling you that he fucked girls and tossed them to the side like they were nothing. He was just hoping that you wouldn’t listen.  

The last three months had been nice, the dates and the parties, but you were getting impatient. You wanted to be Rafe’s girlfriend, not just Rafe’s situationship. Rafe was great, despite the rumours from other people, and he was 5 months clean next week. He was a good guy, you knew that, and that’s what mattered to you. 

“Y/n!” Pope called you over as you scanned the beach for either Rafe or one of the pogues. He grabbed your hand and you ran with him, following as he led you to the outskirts of the party. It was a clear night and the stars were too pretty not to admire as you sat by the campfire beside your friends. Jokes were made, stories were told, and-

“Hey,” Rafe’s voice cut through the laughter and everyone’s heads turned. “I was wondering if we could talk?” His eyes were focused on you. This was awkward and uncomfortable for him. He had apologised, yes, but he was still hated by your friend group because of what he did to you and the rest of them. You’d gotten it the worst though, when he had stabbed you over the gold. You’d almost died. Granted, Rafe has apologised, but that was before you two started… whatever your relationship was, and you hadn’t brought it up since. You didn’t really want to considering the fact that when you two finally had sex, he’d see the scar on your lower right abdomen and know he caused it. It would break his heart. Rafe was a lot more sensitive than people thought and that's partly why you’d been putting off having sex. You knew he’d get upset. 

“Yeah sure,” you smiled, taking his hand and getting up, then turning back to the group. “I’ll be back in a few, ok?”

“Don’t lose her!” John B shouted. 

“Or we’ll kill you!” Jj added, a completely real threat as you chuckled. 

“He’s joking,” you assured an uneasy Rafe. 

“I’m not joking!” Jj shouted again. 

You both walked a little faster. 

“Umm ok so… how do I say this? Top- he’s totally drunk and I-I’m freaking out right now. H-he gave me a drink a-and I thought it was just sparkling water but it had v-vodka in it, a-and now my sober streak is gone and-” Rafe buried his face in your neck, tears spilling over as his panic reached concerning levels. 

“Baby, it’s ok,” you cooed. “It was just a sip, and it was only an accident. We can start again, you can start again. This was only a wobble,” you assured him, your hands rubbing his back as he cried into your shoulder. “Please don’t beat yourself or Topper overt this, we all make mistakes.”

He nodded as he sobbed into your neck, hearing your words. How was it that you could calm him down so instantly, so completely? It wasn’t fair. He’d needed you his whole life, and he only got you now? Bullshit. Well, he’d take what he could get. “I love you,” He whispered and you went rigid. 

Every bone heavy, every muscle tense, blood frozen. Holy shit. 

Rafe Cameron was in love with you. What were you supposed to do? Say it back? You weren’t sure your mouth would open. “Hey pogue?” Topper’s voice cut through the deafening silence and brought you back down to Earth. “What the fuck do you think he’s doing with you?” he chuckled, drink in his hand and a bitter tone in his voice. “He’s going to tell you all his problems, and then he’s going to tell you that he loves you, and then he’ll fuck you a few times, probably be the best fuck of your life, and kick you to the curb!” he laughed. “Rafe Cameron strikes again!” 

Check, and check. The sex was probably coming later. You felt used. 

“Topper what the fuck man?” Rafe turned drying his eyes. “Do you even know how I feel about her?” 

“Yes I do, I remember the words being ‘easy’, ‘sweet’, and ‘virgin’. I still have the video,” Topper pulled out his video,scrolling for a moment as your heart slowly cracked. 

“What about her?” Topper had pointed at you in the video, it was at some party a few months ago. “Y/n Y/l/n.”

“She’s sweet and easy Top, come on, give me a challenge and someone who isn’t a virgin fucking prude,” Rafe laughed and the video continued of them rating girls from the island. 

God, you hated Topper right now. You hated Rafe right now. 

“Oh,” was all you got out before you started walking off, Rafe on your tail. 

“Look I-I’m sorry alright? I didn’t think about it, I didn’t even know you then! And I was drunk and Topper always brings out the worst in me, o-ok? So we can just go back t-to normal, right? You’ll be my girlfriend?” he pleaded but you kept walking, your heart shattering as he kept talking. “I love you!” 

You stopped in your tracks. “I just need… time, ok? Just give me a few days to work this out, ok?”

He nodded, tears pooling in his eyes. 

What the fuck were you going to do?

----------------

“Hey,” he sat down beside you. “I’m so sorry about what I said.”

“It’s ok Rafe,” you shrugged. “Maybe sometimes people just aren’t meant to be.”

His head whipped around to make eye contact with you. Seriously? You were seriously thinking of leaving him? “What?” He whispered, the lump in his throat almost too big to swallow. 

“Rafe… come on. How am I supposed to have any peace of mind in your actual intentions when it stemmed from that video?” You sighed. Rafe was busy staring at admiring you. You were so beautiful, so smart, so… everything he wanted. 

You didn’t think it would hurt him. He’d broken up with tons of girls, you shouldn't be any different. 

You watched as a tear escaped his eye, how he bit the side of his cheek, and how he picked at the skin on his fingers. 

Oh. 

Maybe he did care. Or maybe it was an act. You weren’t sure. 

“I love you,” he whispered. “I meant that when I said it. And Topper’s wrong, I don’t just tell girls I love them. I’ve never told anyone that. Just you.”

Your breath hitched and you took his hand to stop him from picking until it bled. “Calm down Rafe,” you whispered. “It’s ok.”

If being near you calmed him down, having you touch him must’ve been the most soothing and tranquil experience of his life. “Please don’t leave me,” he pleaded, tears falling. “I promise I’ll make it up to you, I love you and I-I can’t lose you. Please let me make it up to you, I’ll be better for you, I swear-”

“I’m not leaving you,” you whispered, making a split-second decision you weren’t sure you’d regret. “I love you too Rafe.”

He looked up and you wiped some tears away. He smiled, then pulled you into his arms and kissed you softly. You loved being like this, kissing him, holding him, being with him. It was all perfect. His hand brushed your waist and lingered over the scar. He pulled away, sighing and scared, then pulled your shirt up slightly. 

Rafe wanted to sob the second he saw it. He loved you, all of you, so he needed to see it and get over it himself. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, staring at it. “I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

You smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “People grow, Rafe. People change. It hurt, yes, but I survived. You survived. Life isn’t going to stop just because we’re upset about something, so don’t feel… held back by the past. I’ve accepted it, and you need to as well.”

He pressed his lips to yours again, and smiled for the first time in three days.

----------------

obx masterlist :)

navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, obx, the bear, marvel, top gun, the hunger games, challengers :)

[loveharlow]

headcanon for jayj😜

s3x when they were at pougelandia and the pougies catching them

idk why but this has been on my mind sorry if this is weird

SEX IN POGUELANDIA

smut/mentions of smut, 18+

•° not discreet. at all.

•° you'd been stranded on the island for weeks and you didn't think not having sex would bother you but...

•° something about this island made jj ten times sexier

•° and he was ungodly sexy before.

•° you two had been trying to keep it pg, considering you were out in the jungle and surrounded by all your friends

•° but when the opportunity reveals itself, who were y'all not to take it?

•° the group had split up in pairs, going to look for food or fresh water, anything to aid survival, really

•° you and jj happened to stumble across a beautiful waterfall, like stunning scenery + water? what could be better??

•° the both of you bottled up some of the clear liquid before jumping in, the water cleansing your dirt-caked bodies almost immediately

"is it bad that i kind of want to stay here? it's so beautiful..."

•° then he's behind you in the water, whispering in your ear

"i can think of something more beautiful than this."

•° and normally, you'd laugh at his flirting but the words and his breath on your neck sent a chill down your spine that settled...somewhere else

•° before you know it, you were both butt naked and dripping wet, fucking on the most uncomfortable rock known to man

•° it was probably the most dumb teenage idea you'd ever had - unprotected, outdoor sex while stranded on an island

•° but after weeks of barely touching or anything, you were both bursting at the seams for some kind of intimacy

•° you didn't even realize how loud you were being...the both of you.

"oh...fuck, jj!"

"i know, baby, i know..."

•° you'd have a village of small cuts and bruises on your back later but it was all worth it for the feeling of him spilling inside you as your walls contracted around him

•°...which probably wasn't the best idea either

•° jj was still inside of and on top of you when you heard them

"dude, what the fuck?!"

"are you guys serious? this is supposed to be an expedition! not a free porno service for whatever birds and shit are out here!"

•° you and JJ cursed, laughing and scooting away from each other as you covered yourselves and looked for your clothes, still getting scolded by the rest of the group

"you probably just alerted bears and shit to where we are, you freaks!"

©loveharlow.

heads up: i added emoji anons to my blog, so feel free to send an ask to take one if you frequently send in asks!

[rafeandonlyrafe]

w for wheezie

words: 1.5k

warnings: very wheezie heavy i stan her, established relationship, physical violence!, descriptions of blood, rafe vs pogues, cameron family drama

“what do you think?” you hold up two letters, each silver with diamonds encrusted in them. “w for wheezie or l for louisa?”

“umm…” wheezie looks at the charms, tapping her chin, eyes flicking back and forth between the two.”

“i would say both, but…” you shrug, leaving the decision up to her.

“i think w because everyone calls me wheezie.” she decides.

“perfect.” you smile, looking at the chain lengths next. you love spending time with wheezie, especially when its shopping days like today where you take her to the mall or whatever store she wants.

usually rafe would accompany you, always hanging back to allow you to gossip, even if it was about him and your relationship. he’d only appear when you headed to the cash register, supplying his credit card to pay for whatever clothes or accessories you got.

“we should stop by sephora next.” you say as the cashier rings up your jewelry, various bracelets and necklaces, along with a chain and ring you bought for rafe (or really he bought for himself as you hand the cashier his card, but at least you picked it out).

“i need a new foundation for the summer.” wheezie says. it makes you pout for a moment, thinking about how grown up she is. you’ve been friends with rafe since middle school and used to play barbies with wheezie and take her to the american girl doll store, and now you’re taking her to buy makeup and try on dresses for homecoming.

“maybe a tinted moisturizer.” you remark, walking with bags in your hand to sephora.

--

“i would call this a successful haul.” you giggle as you load up your car, having to put bags in the backseat as well once the trunk is full. you turn on a playlist of yours and wheezies favorite songs, having different playlists ready for whoever you’re with.

it’s practical to buy so much at one time since you made the almost two hour drive to norfolk to visit the mall, and probably won’t be back for a long time. you prefer staying in the outer banks to shop, but it’s not always possible with the limited number of stores.

“do you think you have time next week to take me to get my haircut?” wheezie asks, already looking a bit like a mini you, and you have no doubt she’ll ask for a similar haircut.

“of course, wheezie girl!” you nod before letting out a squeal when one of your favorite songs come on, you both belting out the words as you make your way back towards tanneyhill, driving through marshy swamplands, little towns and finally crossing over the bridge.

you pull up the driveway, surprised how eerily quiet it seems to be. usually rafe would be running out the door to make sure you didn’t carry anything in.

“stay in the car for a sec wheezie girl…” you have a strange feeling building, and you always trust your gut. you look back to make sure she doesn’t follow you as you walk into the house to hear muffled grunting.

“rafe?” you call out, your cautious footsteps turning into a run as you make your way further into the house until you see rafe being held up by john b, jjs arm pushing forward to punch him in the gut.

“stop it!” you shout, running in to push jj away, but the second rafe is out of john bs tight hold, he turns to attack them, bravely taking on both in a flair of fists.

“stop it, rafe!” you shout, pulling at his arm. he only pauses when he feels your gentle touch, but john b doesn’t quit, reaching out to hit rafe again, right in the nose as he instantly starts to bleed.

“sarah!” you scream, finally noticing her in the corner of the room, sat with a glazed look in her eye with her knees pulled up to her chest. “stop your freaking attacking dog boyfriend!” you step between the boys, all three of them panting heavily, rafes nose dripping blood down the front of his shirt.

“we are fucking rescuing her!” jj says, puffing his chest up.

“what?” you turn to look at sarah, waiting for an explanation.

“rafe tried to lock me in the house.” she finally says, seeming to shake out of whatever daze she’s in as she stands up. “he tried to stop me from seeing john b.”

“im just trying to do whats best for you, sarah.” rafe says, his voice sounding hoarse from the fight. “he’s a bad guy.”

“no he’s not!” sarah shouts, no doubt going to start in on tirade when you hold your hand up.

“sarah, go with john b. just…” you let out a deep sigh. “get out of here. be back by dark though.” you shoo her away. no way she’s going to actually listen to you and be back by sundown, but at least it gives you time to figure out what’s going on and tend to rafe.

you turn to watch them leave, frown appearing on your face when you see wheezie standing there, looking like a scared little girl you once knew.

“wheeze-” you call to her, but she runs up her stairs into her room, slamming her door loudly. a problem for later, you decide as you turn to rafe.

“come on, baby, lets get you cleaned up.” you say softly, trying to lessen the anger so visible on his features. you lead rafe into the kitchen, wetting a rag with warm water as you gently drag it over his face, feeling tears well up in your eye when you see his busted lip.

“how was shopping? did you have fun?” rafe asks, making you glare at him.

“don’t you dare try to change the topic, rafe cameron. what happened?” you sigh.

“john b and those pogues are fucking criminals. there’s someone who has been robbing houses, and i don’t doubt it’s those fucking-” rafe lets out an angry grunt when you press the washcloth against his cheek, a bruise already forming. “im just trying to protect my family.”

“sarah isn’t a kid anymore, you gotta let her protect herself.” you say softly. “besides, wheezie seeing you all beat up and bloodied isn’t-”

“it was only because it was two against one.” rafe counters.

“baby.” you shake your head. “you’re missing the point. you have no proof that they’re doing anything. trust sarah, alright? i’ll talk to her later.”

“what would we do without you.” rafe smiles, cringing slightly when it stretches his lip, but it doesn't stop him from pressing his mouth against yours, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“you deserve the cameron last name more than sarah does.” rafe says, holding you tight against him, feeling your hands shaking slightly. “gonna marry you one day.”

“alright, buddy.” you giggle, making rafe roll his eyes as you pull away. he loves to talk about your future together despite still being so young. you can’t say you haven’t spent time imagining it yourself. “im gonna go talk to wheeze.”

“okay.” rafe gives you another kiss before watching you walk away.

you walk softly up the stairs, tapping your knuckles against wheezies door before opening it up.

“hey, everyone is okay.” you say softly, seeing her sitting on her bed, phone in hand, no doubt scrolling to distract from anything she’s feeling.

“i’m fine.” wheezie shakes her head. she may look fine, but you can see the look in her eyes. she’s just as shaken as you are, if not more.

“it’s okay to not be, though.” you sit down on the bed next to her. “you saw your brother getting beat up, you’re allowed to not be okay with seeing that.”

“its just…” wheezie sighs. “sarah has been so different lately since she started hanging out with john b. she even lied to me the other day.”

“im sorry, wheezie girl.” you wrap her in a tight hug. “your sister loves you. she’s just a teenager, going through a rebellious phase of life. she doesn’t realize that her actions have consequences and can hurt the people she loves.”

“will you talk to her?” wheezie asks. “you always know what to say.”

“of course.” you nod, pulling away from the hug, forcing a smile on your face. “but hey, let’s go get our shopping bags.”

“okay.” wheezie manages a smile.

you walk downstairs to see rafe has already brought everything in from the car, placing it all throughout the front entrance.

you smile as wheezie instantly goes for the sephora bags as you wrap your arms around rafe, pressing your head against his chest.

“its all gonna be alright.” you tell him.

“as long as you’re with me, you’re right.” rafe presses a kiss to the top of your head, his eyes bulging when he sees the dress wheezie pulls out. 

“you are not wearing that-” he begins to argue, finger wagging just like his dad would.

“it’s not for me, its for y/n!” wheezie argues.

“oh.” rafe looks down at you, noting the blush spread across your cheeks. “well, you can wear that but only for me.”

“rafe!” you squeal while wheezie makes a grossed out face.

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @kamninaries @rafeyslove @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart @pradabambie @tobesolovelysstuff @alexiskirkland @rafestar @brioffthegrid @juniebugg @magicalyoura @cokepewpsii @mysticallystilinski @luvdella @aerangi @vogueprincess @auryyz @raysmayhem-72 @thestarlithideout @marvelfanfics1recs @rafesgiirl @ditzyzombiesblog @chiaraanatra @tobiaslut @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @drewsephrry

[confused-pyramid]

I’d Like to Think That You Would Stick Around | s6

pairing: aaron hotchner x childhood bsf!reader

summary: Hotch and his childhood best friend working together at the BAU: a slow burn across the seasons.

word count: 15.5k

warnings: SMUT, oral (m!receiving), masturbation, canon!typical violence, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, guns, drinking, angst, specific episodes mentioned in this part are 6x06, 6x08, 6x17, and 6x18.

a/n: Sorry for the long wait guys, school has been kicking my ass, but here's the next part! We're getting a lot of angst this chapter, but we're so so close to the good times ;) Hope you enjoy! Title is from Love Song by Lana Del Rey

series masterlist

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You are talking to Prentiss across the bullpen, laughing about something he can't hear, and he's freaking out. He shouldn't have left that night. He knows that. He just didn't know what else to do.

Never mind the fact that he has no idea how much you remember.

When you bumped into him on the way out of the elevator this morning, he swears you jumped back, but then you smiled at him, and he was able to convince himself that it was all fine. So why does it still feel like you are avoiding him?

He can still picture the dark expanse of your pupils as you leaned in closer after stumbling into him; he can still feel the rush of your breath as your gaze met his and his fingers tightened on your hip.

He walks into his office, before sitting at his desk and dropping his head into his hands. His blinds are just shut enough that no one from down in the bullpen can see into his office, and he welcomes the privacy as he rubs a hand over his face and forces his eyes away from the photograph of the two of you on his desk.

'Aaron...'

Your voice had sounded so soft, so hurt-

He shuts his eyes again and tries to think about anything else (maybe even the paperwork he's supposed to have been doing for an hour now) but every time he blinks, he sees your face again.

He has suspected the shift in your feelings for a little while now, but that night at the bar confirmed something he isn't sure he's ready to handle. He feels it too - of course he does - but he can't think about it. He can't.

He's floundering with Jack, with trying to be there for both him and the team, and he just lost Haley. God, he just lost Haley, and the idea of losing you too because he fucks it up just like he did with her is unimaginable. They were together for decades - they had a child together - and still he couldn't give her what she needed. Your friendship means everything to him, and if he does something to ruin your relationship too, he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

He glances out his window and sees you still talking to Emily, both of your heads now bent down to look at an open case file. She says something to you, and your face lights up as you grin at her. Something that feels like lava pools in his gut and he swallows thickly as he turns back to his paperwork.

***

You head back to your desk and drop the case file down as you resist the urge to glance up at his office window. He hasn't looked at you once today, and you can't help it as your mind goes to the worst case scenario of losing him forever because of one stupid moment.

You had considered pretending that you don't remember anything from the bar, but he just left you there. That isn't something you can forget so easily, and even as you're trying to ignore it, you don't want to avoid him. But it isn't that simple.

You're simultaneously hurt and embarrassed, but it isn't even your own feelings that are at the forefront of your mind. You haven't been to his place in over a week, and you miss Jack and you miss him. You haven't gone this long without talking to him in years. 

Fuck.

***

Your quest to stay out of trouble results in you staying late at the office to get ahead on all of your work. Most nights you were staying even later than JJ and Aaron, but then JJ got sent to the DoD as a media liaison, and the work started piling up.

You did what you could to intercept some of the paperwork before it landed on his desk, especially since Jack was so close to starting preschool and you know Aaron wants to take any extra moment of face time he can get, but it wasn't a foolproof system.

That's why it's almost midnight after getting back from a case in Ohio, and Aaron's office light is still on. Knowing it's about time you broke the cone of silence you've been under, you walk up the stairs, giving yourself ample time to change your mind.

A minute later, you knock on his door, before pushing it open gently, waiting to see the look on his face.

"Oh, you're still here," he says, his eyes lingering on you for an extra moment before turning back to his work. "Come in."

You shut the door behind you and sit in the chair in front of his desk. It doesn't sink like it usually does, and it takes you a second to realize that he finally replaced it. After all this time...

"Are you heading home soon?" you ask, trying to feign nonchalance. You can't remember the last time you overthought every single thing you said to him.

Yes, you do, your brain mocks you. A film reel of your awkward senior year of high school starts playing in your mind and one lone thought sticks out among the cacophony of memories. You loved him.

"Yeah, I'm almost done," he says with a sigh, his eyes still trained on his paper.

You frown. "Really?"

"No."

That surprises a chuckle out of you and you lean forward in the chair. It's stiffer than you're used to, and it creaks as you slide in closer. "Want any help?"

He shakes his head. "You should head home. It's late."

You don't say anything and when he finally meets your eye, you shoot him a look.

He sighs, begrudgingly handing you a stack of files. "With JJ gone, it's been a little hectic. I have to go through the new cases coming in, as well as completing the post-case paperwork."

"Shit," you whisper, not knowing what else to say. Even as you tried to cut down his workload, it wasn't even scratching the surface. "I didn't realize that was all on you."

"Yeah, for the time being," he shrugs, raking a hand through his hair to push it back, even as it bounces right back into place. "But it'll be easier when they bring us someone new."

That stops you in your tracks. "How new? Because you know I really liked Jordan, but she was too green for the BAU."

"Newer," he says, his voice tinged with amusement. "They're considering some Academy cadets who are finishing up their remedial training."

"Cadets?" you echo, your voice rising an octave. "They're babies."

"They're at least 25," he states, the corner of his lip twitching. "Besides, their remedial training would have been with the BAU, so they'll know what they're getting into."

They'll know what they're getting into.

It's not a dig, but the juvenile corner of your brain hangs onto his words, trying to make out some double meaning.

"That's some relief, I guess." You flip open the first file, trying to pay attention as you scan the brief, but it just reminds you of how much you miss JJ.

"She was so much better at this," you groan, flipping the page. "I'm not sure anyone can replace her."

"I'm definitely sure that no one can," Aaron says simply as he glances up at you, "but we'll take any help we can get at this point."

There's a layer of subtext behind his tone, and you don't know if you're equipped to decipher it right now, after being up for almost 24 hours. Nevertheless, you don't give in as he looks at you, refusing to break eye contact. 

Please be okay, your mind begs as the corners of his eyes crinkle. Please say I didn't fuck this all up.

His eyebrows raise slightly, checking in on you for the first time in so so long, and another thought takes over your mind. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Blinking away the thought, you nod, but you can't stop yourself as you clarify, "It's just a temp assignment, right?"

He finishes the sentence he was writing before looking up. "Yes. It's only temporary."

***

"Daddy, don't look at me."

Jack's voice filters out from his bedroom and he looks at Jess with a small laugh as she pretends to lock her lips and toss away the key.

"I'm not looking," he calls out. "Are you almost ready?"

There's a small sound of affirmation from down the hall, so he stands up from the couch and reaches for the little jack-o-lantern bag that Jack wanted to use for trick-or-treating.

When he looks up, his son is emerging from his room, dressed incredibly unlike the comic book character he wanted to be for Halloween.

"Whoa," Aaron says, his voice a low rumble. "That is definitely not Spider-Man."

Jack just shrugs. "He's not a real superhero."

"He's not?" He looks at his son again, trying to discern which superhero wears a suit. "Okay. I give up. Who are you supposed to be?"

The answer is immediate. "I'm you, Daddy."

Jess nudges his shoulder with a laugh before she walks forward and swings Jack into the air. "You look just like him, bud!"

He opens his mouth to add onto that sentiment, but his throat thickens with emotion and he has to clear his throat to get a word out. "You tied my tie so well." It's the best he can do with his eyes burning. All he wanted was for his son to feel safe and loved. Maybe I'm doing something right.

"Alright, buddy," Jess smiles, setting him down. "Grab your coat and shoes and we'll head out."

Jack runs off and she smiles at him again, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're a great dad."

"Thank you," he says simply, his lips curving up into a smile. She says it a lot, but for the first time in a while, he's finally starting to believe it.

Jess opens her mouth to say something, but she pauses for an extra second, piquing his interest. "I haven't seen Y/N around here in a little bit."

There it is. He should've seen it coming. "Yeah, she's just busy."

His words don't sound convincing, even to his own ears, and Jess shoots him a look to match. "I happen to know you quite well, Aaron. So if you're overthinking something you shouldn't be, let me be the first to say, you're being an idiot."

He lets out a surprised snort. "Thanks, Jessica."

"I'm just saying," she shrugs, tucking a strand of curly hair behind her ear. "I see things...and I know both of you, so it's not hard to read into things."

He takes a deep breath, pushing his hair back from his forehead. "It's not like that."

He expects her to push back, but she just presses her lips together and shrugs her coat on. "Either way, Haley saw it too...and she seemed happy about it."

Before he has a chance to fully process her words, Jack rushes out, barreling into him. "I'm ready!"

"Alright, my little G-man," he grins, pushing her words out of his head for the night. "Let's go get some candy."

***

Things have been shifting at the office. Ever since JJ left, the team has felt smaller, and with your unintentional (okay, maybe a little intentional) avoidance of Aaron, the office hasn't felt the same in a long time.

Everyone has been taking on more than they're used to, and when Penelope had to fill in for JJ in a press conference during your last case, you couldn't help but notice how she turned to Aaron for support whenever she felt unprepared.

Your curiosity about their shared secret was eating at you all day, until you received a mass email from him to the whole team. Re: Garcia's play, Tolgate Theater, 8pm

You didn't have any plans tonight anyway, and after long days in a seemingly endless rotation of slacks and blazers, you welcome the chance to dress up a little bit. It's not like you go out often (or at all) unless it's with the team.

Pushing to the back of your closet, you rifle through the longer dresses and gowns you own, before landing on a light green, silk number. It has a halter neckline that drapes loosely around your neck, and you haven't worn it since before Jeff died, because it always felt like too much.

But Emily messaged you after getting home with a photo of her dress too, and even though it may be a lot for a little neighborhood theater, you're excited about something for the first time in a long while.

After putting on the dress and doing your makeup a bit darker than usual, you grab your keys and head out.

~

He got to the theater a bit earlier than the rest of the team, mostly to apologize to Garcia and warn her about the onslaught of support she was going to be getting, but he also wanted to get there before you did, so he could save a seat for you beside him.

From an outsider's perspective, he imagines there wouldn't seem to be anything different or wrong with your relationship, but he has been feeling the frustrating tension between the two of you since that night out.

Speaking with Jess on Halloween felt like a welcome reprieve from his cycle of self-loathing, and he finally feels more free than he has in ages.

Emily, Derek, and Spencer arrive a short while later, and he points them toward the seats he booked out, before heading back to the lobby, where family and friends of the performers are milling around.

When Dave arrives, he's also dressed in a suit. "We certainly clean up nicely."

He coughs out a laugh. "I haven't pulled this suit out in years."

"Well, aside from the cobwebs," Dave jokes, brushing an imaginary piece of dust from his shoulder, "you look classy."

"Thanks," he smiles, patting the older man's arm. "You should head inside. We're sitting about halfway up."

"You coming?" Dave asks as he steps around him.

Aaron shakes his head, glancing back at the door again. "I'm going to wait for...everyone to get here. I'll meet you inside."

He nods, before smacking his shoulder once and walking into the theater. When Dave's out of sight, he turns back around and pulls his phone out, trying to look busy.

He scrolls through a couple of his latest emails before tucking his phone away. The front door of the theater opens then, and when he looks up, all of the air leaves his lungs.

It feels like the world is moving in slow motion as you glide inside, your dress billowing down as the breeze from outside settles. You look incredible, and he feels like a teenager again, when he was so in love with you he couldn't breathe.

He watches you glance around, clearly searching for a familiar face, so he walks up, approaching you slowly to give you time to notice him.

"Oh, hi!" you say, your lips curving up into a smile as he tucks a hand into his pocket. "Am I late?"

"Not at all," he says, hating how strained his voice sounds. "The play starts at the top of the hour."

"Perfect," you smile, removing your shawl from your shoulders and folding it in your hands. "You clean up well, by the way."

There's a slight tinge of humor in your voice, and you're looking at him expectantly, likely waiting for him to lead you to the seats, but he can't move. He's terrified of what he's feeling, but you look amazing, and he's surrounded by people he doesn't know, so he doesn't overthink it as he reaches out and slips a hand onto your waist.

You clearly aren't expecting it as he pulls you in closer, his fingers sliding across the silkiness of your dress. You smell like flowers, and he can't help himself as he leans in to press a kiss to your cheek. "You're beautiful."

Reality doesn't set in until he lets you go. Your cheeks are slightly flushed and he can't think straight, but the moment you step away from him and head to theater doors, the fog clears.

What is he doing?

The rational part of his brain takes over and he mumbles a curse under his breath before jogging forward to follow you inside. At least for the time being, he has the play to cover himself, but when morning comes, and brings with it the harsh light of day, he's fucked.

***

His skin is burning. The temperature in his office feels like it has been turned all the way up, but even as he undoes his cufflinks and rolls his sleeves back, the heat doesn't abate.

He is loosening his tie when his office door opens, revealing you in your rumpled button down and slacks. He opens his mouth to ask why you're still here, but before he can get a word out, you're shutting the door behind you and locking it.

"What are you doing?" he asks as you saunter over to him, stepping around his desk and pressing your hands to the armrests of his chair. "Y/N, it's late-"

"Shut up," you say firmly, twisting his chair toward you with a strong pull. He moves to get up, but you push his shoulder down to keep him in his chair.

He already doesn't know what to say, but every thought leaves his brain as you sink down to your knees before him.

"Don't move," you whisper, your eyes glinting up at him as you deftly undo the buckle of his belt and yank his pants open. "I'm in charge now."

He lets out a gasp as you tug his pants down in one go, and before he can do anything, your fingers are on him. Your lips curve into a smile as his breath hitches, and even with the thin fabric of his boxers between you two, the sensations coursing through him feel so magnified and new.

He is already hard as a rock, and you've barely even touched him. Teasingly slow, you pull his boxers down, watching as his cock springs free from the confines. Without wasting another second, you run your tongue up his length, and he grits his teeth to keep the groans in his throat from spilling out.

Your lips slowly close around his tip and the wet heat makes his head fall back as he tries to calm his breathing down. His chest is heaving like he just went for a run, but when you hollow your cheeks around him, he can't keep the moan inside. He loses control for a moment as he reaches forward to grasp onto your hair, but that only seems to spur you on, as you bob your head even faster.

The wet sounds of your mouth sliding over his cock fill the office, and he clutches his armrest with one hand and uses the other to guide your head.

He's already so close, and the soft grip of your hands on his thighs aren't helping as he tries to hold off, to prolong this feeling. At the last second, you swirl your tongue around the tip, and he chokes out a gasp, but then-

His eyes fly open to the lonely darkness of his bedroom. The room is warmer than it usually is, and his skin feels sticky with sweat under his covers. His mind, on the other hand...

He doesn't remember every moment of the dream, but the message was clear enough. His boxers are still tight from the memory, and he tries as hard as he can to think about anything else, but he keeps going back to the image of you, in front of him, kneeling-

Throwing the covers off, he sits up quickly and climbs out of bed, needing to clear his head in the only effective way he knows of. He shrugs his clothes off on the way to the bathroom, and he turns the shower on, making the water steaming hot, before stepping inside. The steam fogs up the glass around him, but he can still see the bare outline of his shame in the mirror across from the shower.

But now isn't the time, not with his skin burning and his cock pulsing in his hand. He pumps a few times as the hot water cascades over him, trying to set a rhythm, but it doesn't feel right. He keeps nearing the edge before the wave pulls back, and he lets out a soft groan in frustration as he presses his forehead to the glass.

Just once, he thinks as he grips himself again, his mind shifting back to his dream. Only this once.

His brain fills with the images from earlier: you on your knees, your mouth warm and wet over him, the pinpricks of sweat across the swells of your chest where your shirt was unbuttoned. He pictures your mouth as he ruts into his own hand, pretending, wishing, it was you instead.

It only takes a few more pumps before he finishes, spilling onto the white floor of his shower. The energy leaves him as he slumps against the wall, twisting the knob to a cooler setting, before shutting it off completely.

He still has a few more hours of sleep left before he has to get up for work, but he spends all night tossing and turning in the wide, empty expanse of his bed.

***

"What do you think he meant?"

"Maybe it's like a new manual, or guidebook."

"What are you two on about?" You walk up to your desk and slump down into the chair as Emily and Spencer look up with meek smiles.

Spencer is the first to crack. "We were discussing what Hotch might have meant by a 'different tactic' to solve this case in New Mexico."

You frown. "The gated community one? I thought Dave was just flying over ahead of us to get a head start."

"Nope," Emily shakes her head, before turning around. "He's in Hotch's office right now."

You look up just as Aaron and Dave exit the office and begin their descent down the stairs. Dave is ahead of him, with a big smile on his face, as he pushes past all of you.

It's only after you turn around that you realize who he's looking at. The woman he pulls into a hug is young - Academy cadet young - and she's pretty too.

"Ashley!" Rossi exclaims as he lets her go.

Hotch walks up behind them and shakes her hand. "Agent trainee Seaver is on loan to us from the Academy."

He introduces her to each of you, and you reach forward to shake her hand, a big smile on your face. After he told you that the bureau was considering someone new, you have had your guard up, but you don't want to make a bad impression in case she's here to stay.

"It's great to meet all of you," she says with a meek smile.

You pat her shoulder before walking past her to speak with Aaron about whether Seaver was the the new addition he was talking about. But when you lift your hand to get his attention, he turns away without looking at you, and leads Rossi out of the bullpen.

~

In the New Mexico gated community where three women have been murdered so far, Emily and Derek split off to check out the last crime scene, so you stay with the rest of the team and Seaver at one of the model homes to go through the evidence.

You can't help but notice how Spencer's eyes keep flitting over to the new girl, and a grin crosses your lips as you nudge his shoulder later.

"You totally have a thing for the new girl."

"Wha-what, no?!" he sputters, his face twisting into an unconvincing frown. "I don't even know her."

You just shrug. "You can still think she's pretty."

"That's irrelevant," he mutters, nudging you back and grabbing one of the files in front of him. "Do you think we can trust the local police?"

"I don't know," you sigh, letting him change the subject. "We definitely can't rule them out, especially in a community as clustered as this."

You glance across the room to Aaron and Dave, who are standing hunched over a laptop with the local detective. They're brows are all equally furrowed, and Aaron looks so focused you doubt he would hear you if you yelled his name right now.

Dropping the file onto the counter, you step around Reid and walk over to the trio, listening in as they start speaking.

"You interviewed every adult male in the community?"

The detective nods. "More than once. They're all digitized."

Aaron glances up as you approach, but when he realizes who it is, his eyes dart back to the screen. His eyes meet yours for the briefest of seconds, and he sees a frown cross your face out of his periphery. Fuck. He has to be more careful. You're a fucking profiler, for god's sake.

"Were all the interviews confrontational like this?" you ask as you come up beside him. He can feel the warmth of your arm inches away from his, and he leans his weight to the other side, trying not to think about his dream while you're standing this close to him.

"Is that wrong?"

Rossi raises his eyebrow. "You didn't get much out of them, did you?"

The detective shakes his head before skipping to the next interview, and everyone leans in closer to get a better look. With four of you surrounding the screen, it's harder to see, and when you press your hand to his shoulder to balance yourself, he all but flinches back from your touch.

The movement is harsh enough that everyone but the detective notices. His eyes fly to you as shock and confusion cross your face, and before anyone can say anything, he mutters something that sounds like 'sorry' before rushing out of the model home.

~

You're chasing after him the moment he's out of sight. Dave reaches forward to catch your arm but you shake him off, rushing out of the house and onto the street, which has been cleared by the local police since you arrived.

"Aaron!" you call out as he walks ahead of you, his hand raking through his hair. To his credit, he comes to a stop the moment he hears your voice, and you catch up to him quickly, stopping just short of him on the sidewalk. "What is going on? I thought we were okay?"

His eyes close for a beat, before his face hardens into a steely calm. You can no longer pretend like everything's fine. It hasn't been for a long time - not since the bar, and maybe even before - but you've always been good at compartmentalizing what you don't want to feel. With your mom, and Jeff, and Haley, you could push down the hurt until it dissolved into your bloodstream, spreading everywhere. It wore you down and thinned you out, but at least it wasn't overwhelming.

Looking at him now - your best friend, the man you...love. Your breath catches in your throat and he shakes his head, not looking at you. "What do you mean, Y/N?"

You wish you could keep pretending, like he seems to be able to, but it's just not fair anymore. Not to him, and especially not to you. "No, don't do this. Don't act like I'm the only one who sees how wrong this has been for the last few months. I used to talk to you everyday, Aaron. We've barely spoken in weeks!"

His face cracks for a moment and you see the glimmer of pain in his eyes before the wall comes up again. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" you yell, your tone more forceful than you expect. "What are you sorry for, Aaron?"

He looks at you then, the facade falling away as your words sink in. The lines of pain and tension settle in and you're almost relieved that he's finally showing you the truth instead of hiding away what he's feeling. But then the despair returns as his lips thin into a line, unable to answer your question.

"What," you repeat, your words tinged with malice, "are you sorry for?"

He whispers your name softly, like it's an apology on it's own, before using his next words to tear you to pieces. "Don't make me say it."

A soft gasp leaves your mouth and you involuntarily take a step back, like he's slapped you in the face. He runs a hand over his neck and a sudden feverish anger rushes through you as you shake your head, blinking back tears. "Don't do that. I know it's not just me, Aaron. It's not-"

"Please," he whispers suddenly, cutting you off. "Please don't do this."

It's almost like he's begging you, and you jerk back, unable to look at him. Men have hurt you before, in so many ways, but nothing has ever cut deeper than this. You don't think your bullet wound hurt this much, and at least then you had him to support you. Now you're all alone.

The aching heartbreak hits you all at once and you brush a loose tear off your cheek before turning around and leaving him out on the sidewalk, watching you walk away.

***

"Something's up."

Penelope bumps Emily's shoulder to grab her attention. After a second, she looks up from her desk. "What was that?"

"Something," Penelope repeats, her eyes darting back and forth between you and Aaron, "is up. Y/N and Hotch haven't looked at each other in like four days. Earlier, she was talking to someone on the stairs and he literally walked out of his office and then back inside again."

Emily looks at her. "Are you sure you aren't reading into anything?"

Penelope shoots her a look that can only mean 'you're kidding, right?' "They're inseparable. Something must have happened in the last few weeks that we don't know about."

Before she can stop her, Penelope stands up and barrels over to you, with Emily on her heels like an owner who just dropped her dog's leash.

"Y/N!" Penelope calls out as she approaches you. You look up from your desk with a frown, before your face breaks into a forced smile that both of them can see through immediately. "We wanted to catch up."

You glance at Emily, who shrugs, earning a look of chagrin from the other agent.

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?" you ask, your forehead crinkling in a manner reminiscent of your boss.

Penelope pauses for a moment, like she's trying to think. "Uhh, I'm not sure. Maybe about...you and Hotch?"

"Subtle," Emily mutters under her breath as your face scrunches into a confused frown. "She just means that you two have seemed kind of off lately, and we were wondering if everything was okay."

You press your lips together, unsure of how to broach this topic, even with some of your closest friends. "It's nothing."

That pulls a frown from both of them, and you sigh, doubling down on your feigned nonchalance. "It's really nothing, guys. I just...can't see him right now."

You turn back to your work and Emily and Penelope share a look, twin realizations clicking in both of their minds. They rush back to Penelope's office, and Emily shuts the door behind them, before they both blurt out something that sounds like: "We all know what's going on here."

"We have to make him jealous," Emily agrees with a nod.

She pulls open her desk drawer and pulls out her address book. "I have just the thing."

***

"I messed up, Haley."

The ground is hard from the chilly December air, and he sits uncomfortably on the familiar granite bench before her grave. There is a bouquet of dried-up flowers leaning against her headstone, and he doesn't have to think too hard to figure out who they're from.

"I'm trying not to," he whispers, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets to warm them up, "but I keep messing up."

A cool breeze wafts over him and the rustle of the nearby trees feels like an acknowledgement. Like she's really listening.

"She hates me," he sighs, his chin dropping to his chest as he shuts his eyes. The wind picks up slightly, and it's like he can hear Haley's voice in his head. She doesn't hate you. She's hurt.

"I know." He runs a gloved hand over his face, the cold sending a small shiver through his body. "It's my fault. I just don't know what to do or how to fix it."

Her reply in his mind is almost immediate.Yes you do.

He shakes his head, feeling like an idiot for talking to himself, even though it's helping him work through his emotions. "I don't. I really don't."

For a few moments, all he can hear is the rustle of tree branches and the low whistle of the wind blowing around the headstones. You have to tell her how you feel.

His chest tightens and he lifts his face, letting the cold air sting his skin, like some kind of penance. "Don't you think I want to? Every time I look at her, I'm terrified it's going to come out, but I can't say it." He takes a deep breath as the words start to flow out. He hasn't said them out loud to anyone, but right here feels like the safest place to let them out. "I love her."

Three simple words and it's like a weight lifts off of his chest. He still doesn't have the answers, but at least he can admit it to himself.  "I'm in love with her, Hales. The only person in this world that I love more is Jack."

He can practically see her smile as he glances down at her name etched in stone. Then what's the problem.

"I'm gonna fuck it up. I always do." The words come out before he has a chance to think, almost like they've been sitting on the tip of his tongue for ages. He looks down at the ground again, imagining her sitting in front of him. "I did with you."

This time, his mind doesn't have the answer for him. He's finally in a good place with his son, and with the addition of Seaver to the team, his work load has been marginally cut back, so he doesn't really have an excuse anymore. It's just his fear of losing one of the only good things in his life that keeps holding him back.

But you're already losing her. 

It's his own voice berating him this time, instead of Haley's. 

You're trying so hard to hold her at arm's length that you haven't even noticed that she has stopped pushing her way in.

The wind rushes over him and he looks at the headstone again, his eyes tracing over Haley's name one more time, before he stands up and walks back down the hill.

***

Dave's annual new year's eve party has always been a fairly large spectacle, but when Aaron leads Jack up his driveway that evening, the sheer number of (expensive) cars lined up outside is nearly staggering.

He knew it wouldn't just be the team here tonight, but he wasn't expecting the sheer scale of the party, especially while his mind has been so pre-occupied with the prospect of seeing you outside of work for the first time in weeks. 

The front door is unlocked when they reach the top of the porch, so he carefully pushes it open and leads Jack inside. He's only an hour late, but the hallways are already crowded with groups milling around, having loud conversations with a drink in their hand.

He doesn't recognize anyone until he gets to the kitchen, where he sees the rest of the team (minus Dave) chatting around a small snack table.

"Y/N!" Jack shrieks when he sees you, letting go of his hand immediately and running forward. You turn at the sound of his voice, and your face breaks out into a wide smile as the boy barrels over and throws his arms around you.

"Jack-o-lantern!" you gush, lifting him up and hugging him, your eyes falling shut as you squeeze the boy tightly.

Any onlooker can tell that his son loves you. For a while after Haley's death, Jack was closed off to every female figure in his life - even Jess - but he never shied away from you.

I love you, a voice in the back of his mind whispers as you set Jack down and press a kiss to the top of his head. I love you I love you I love you.

~

After Dave returned from the back patio and whisked away Aaron and Jack to meet some of his other friends, you loitered around the kitchen for a while, chatting with Derek and Spencer about their resolutions for the new year.

You're refilling your glass with some diluted punch when JJ and Emily sneak up behind you with matching mischievous expressions. 

"What did you guys do?" you ask, gulping back some punch in preparation for whatever they're about to spring on you.

"There's someone we want you to meet," Emily grins as she reaches forward to loop her arm through yours.

"Oh, no way," you say, already shaking your head before they can elaborate. "You are not setting me up with some random bureau guy again."

"That was only one time," JJ pouts, before beckoning to the hallway across from the kitchen. You glance over her shoulder and spot Will standing with a man you've never seen before. "I had Will bring one of his single friends tonight. He's an architect, and he's super smart and super cute. Totally your type."

You raise an eyebrow as you inspect the man from across the room. He's definitely easy on the eyes, but he's also not your type. There's only one man who fits into that box.

"I don't know," you sigh, setting your glass down on the table behind you. "It's very sudden."

"C'mon," Emily urges, her eyes glinting with amusement. "It'll be good. Just talk and flirt a little, and if you're into it then you have a new year's kiss locked up!"

Kissing someone you just met in front of all of your colleagues sounds like nightmare fuel, but you can't think of another way to get your friends off your back. "Okay, fine, I'll meet him."

~

After leaving Jack with Henry and the other children, he heads back into the main section of the house, hoping to run into you. He doesn't know what he would say if he does, but anything is better than the avoidance game you've been playing.

He sees Penelope and JJ first, but you're not with them, so he continues forward, deftly stepping around throngs of people conversing in little pockets around the house. 

"Hotch, over here!"

He whips around to find Derek, Will, and Dave waving him over to join them in the kitchen. He grabs a piece of cheese off a platter on his way over, and Derek pats him on the back when he reaches the three of them. 

They return to their prior topic of conversation, and he tunes them out as his eyes dart around the room, still looking for you. He's about to give up when he spots the familiar hue of your hair down the hall. His lips curve up in a small smile as he watches you lean your head back with a big laugh that he swears he can hear even from all the way over here. He's about to excuse himself from the guys when a hand reaches out to gently touch your forearm, and you don't shake it off.

It's only then that he notices the man you're talking to, and how enamored he looks as you burst into another bout of laughter. Something that feels like ice settles in the pit of his stomach and he turns back to the guys just as they notice what he's been looking at.

"They seem to be hitting it off," Will grins, crossing his arms over his chest. "My friend's a good guy, and he mentioned wanting to meet her after they crossed paths at one of me and JJ's dinner parties."

He notices Dave glance at him out of the corner of his eye, but he can't bear to look at the older man, for fear that he'll give something away. Aaron feels the nauseating pit of jealousy in his stomach, but it's not fair. He pushed you away.

He turns away from you and tries to focus on literally anything else, but it's not long before he's unable to fight the urge to look at you from his spot in the kitchen. You can't see him watching you, and it gives him the obscurity he needs to observe you from afar, but it also makes it much more conspicuous to his friends.

You don't leave the company of Will's friend until much later in the night, and soon it's almost midnight. The countdown starts as everyone in the house lifts their glasses and latches onto their significant others.

"Ten, nine, eight..."

He's turning before he knows what he's doing. He can't help it, it's almost magnetic, the pull you have on him. 

You're not looking at him, and he can only see your side profile as you glance up at the clock as it ticks down.

"Five, four, three, two..."

He turns away at the last second, unable to stomach the thought of you kissing someone else, but when the crowd erupts into cheers, he looks back to find that you're gone. His heart rates spikes and he pushes through people, ignoring the pats on his back as people wish him a "Happy new year". 

He eventually spots you through the back windows, and he steps out into the frigid air to accompany you on the back porch steps. You're sitting on the top step, your bare arms wrapped around your body for some semblance of warmth, and for a moment, he can't move.

He can't decide if he should go to you or let you have the space you so clearly wanted, but then a voice in the back of his skull yells at him through all the noise. She's your best friend in the world. A few months ago, the answer would have been obvious.

A switch flips and he steps forward, sliding off his jacket and draping it over your shoulders. You let out a soft sigh as he sinks down next to you, and he watches as your eyes glisten in the lamplight. 

You don't look at him as you press your elbows into your knees and rub a hand over your neck. "How did this get so fucked up?"

He sighs too, a heavy sound. "I don't know." 

He's still looking at you, at the tears in your eyes, when you finally take a deep breath and turn to face him. A tear slips down your cheek and his brain fires off sparks again. I love you, I love you, I love you.

He wants to say it so badly, but then the newest factor in all of his confusion jumps back into the forefront. The Pakistan assignment. He has been trying to push it off, but he's getting so much pressure from the brass, and that's just one more thing he's hiding from you. 

He breaks your eye contact and you let out a slow breath, almost like you felt him lose his nerve in real time. Without another word, you wipe the tears from your face and stand up, leaving him out in the cold once again.

***

The bureau gives you a week off at the start of the new year, but you can't enjoy any of your alone time. Every second you let your mind wander, your thoughts are invaded by the look on his face as he turned away from you. 

You had seen it in his eyes out there, in the freezing cold air as the clock struck midnight. At least a small part of him felt for you the same way you felt for him. But it's not enough.

You've been alone for so many years. When you married Jeff, you were done. You didn't think you'd have to ever feel this kind of heartbreak again, but now that you feel that kind of love again, you refuse to settle for anything less than what you deserve. And what you deserve is someone who can show you how he feels. 

Nevertheless, you can't control your subconscious. 

That's why you're laying in bed at the end of the week, staring at your nightlight across the room and somehow managing to simultaneously miss him and hate him. It's well past midnight and you can't sleep, but you don't want to give in to the urge that's been tugging at your gut all night. 

You're so angry with him, but he's also the only person you want to talk to when you're feeling anything you can't explain. It only takes another minute before you're giving in and snatching your phone off your bedside table.

It rings for a long time before he finally answers. 

He whispers your name softly, his voice gravelly as though he just woke up. He sounds confused, but it has to mean something that he answered his phone at this hour.

"Are you okay?" Aaron asks, his voice still a bit gruff from the tiredness. "What's wrong?"

I miss you, you want to say. Instead, you panic and ask the first question that pops into your head: "Why do you think The Beatles broke up?"

The line goes silent for a moment before he sighs quietly. "Everyone blames Yoko but you know I think they just stopped working well together creatively." 

"It was probably Lennon deciding to leave the band," you say, unsure where you're going with this. "Yeah, that makes the most sense."

"Maybe," he says, his voice a low hum.

There's no tinge of impatience or irritation in his tone, but you still feel awful for waking him up in the early hours of the morning to chat about a band. 

You take a deep breath, trying to prepare yourself for what you're about to say, but the breath catches in your throat as a small sob escapes. "I'm so mad at you."

There's a pause on the other end of the line, before Aaron exhales sharply. "I know."

Your resolve fades almost immediately and you sink back into your pillows. "I'm not mad at you." He quietly huffs out a laugh, but you can tell his heart isn't in it. "I'm hurt, and yeah, I'm kind of mad at you, but the only person I want to talk to is you."

You can hear his breath stutter over the speaker, and he rears up to say something, before thinking better of it. "It's late, Y/N. You should go to bed."

"Yeah," you say eventually, rubbing tears of frustration from your eyes. "I'm sorry, yeah."

"No," he says quickly, his voice hurried as though he's afraid you'll hang up. "Don't apologize. I'm glad you called."

Your heart flutters pathetically. "Okay."

"Why were you up anyway?" he asks after a moment.

You shrug, even though he can't see you, wiping away the last remnants of your tears. "Couldn't sleep."

Something that sounds like a quiet chuckle floats into your ears. "Try turning off that massive nightlight."

Your eyes widen and you inadvertently glance over at the beacon of light plugged in across the room. "What nightlight?"

He hums again. "Goodnight, Y/N." I love you.

"Goodnight, Aaron." I love you too.

***

It started when Emily arrived late to the briefing. She was never late, so that itself was enough to set off your alarms, but then you noticed her fingers. She's biting her nails again.

Aaron finishes briefing you all about the two families murdered in house fires in the DC area, before you disperse and head back to your desks to read up about the evidence.

When you drop your bag down and sink into your chair, you don't miss how Spencer visibly flinches in his seat, his eyes twitching with exhaustion.

"Sorry, Spence," you say earnestly, turning to him with an anxious look. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," he answers quickly, his eyes darting back down to the case file. "I'm... I'm...I'm sure these victims overlap somehow. Garcia pulled their phone numbers, but so far I can't find anything."

You've been working with him long enough to notice when he's deflecting, especially when he's doing such a bad job of it. "Spencer, you just jumped."

He takes a deep breath and you're suddenly grateful that his shorter haircut allows you to get a better view of his expression, even with his head down. "I've been having these really intense headaches lately." "Have you seen a doctor?" you ask, sliding your chair in to get a better look at him. "Yeah, a few. None of them have been able to figure it out." "I'm sorry," you say genuinely as guilt and shame flood your veins. You've been so preoccupied with your own drama that you haven't been paying any attention to your friends. First Emily, and now Spencer. "Does anyone know?"

His lips press into an adorable line. "You." "I won't tell anyone," you assure him, your eyebrows scrunching down. "I'm glad you're telling me now." "I know," he nods. "I just didn't want you to worry."

"I won't make a big deal out of it," you tell him, your lips curving up in a playful smile, "if that's what you were worried about."

"Thanks," he mutters, but you can tell his heart isn't really in it.

It's been so long since you sat down and caught up with your teammates, and given how weird Emily has been acting, you figure it's about time. 

~

"Have you noticed anything off with Emily?"

It's Penelope who comes to you first about the change in your teammate's disposition. You had clocked the small jab Emily had thrown at her after the briefing, but didn't want to intrude in case it was personal. You're starting to realize it might be a lot more personal than you originally thought.

"I have," you say simply, glancing back at her across the bullpen. Her head is down and her shoulders are hunched forward as she quickly types something out on her phone. 

She waits for another moment before jolting upright and standing up. Before either of you can get a chance to ask what's wrong, she is jetting off to the bathroom.

"I got this one," you tell Penelope before strutting off to follow her.

She's looking at her phone again when the bathroom door shuts behind you, and you approach her slowly so as not to spook her. "Hey, I just wanted to check up on you. You sped out of there."

"I'm fine," she says, trying to brush away your worry with a wave of her hand.

You frown, taking a step forward. "Are you sure? I noticed you've been biting your-"

"Don't profile me, Y/N," she snaps, her head turning to level you with a glare that would have scared the shit out of you if you didn't know her so well. It doesn't last long though, and before you can get another word out, she's already apologizing. "I'm sorry. I-I'm gonna be alright. I promise. I'm just having this nightmare."

She details her dream to you, and the profiler in you can't help but relate it to her own lack of trust, but then she looks at you with a genuine smile and you just have to smile back.

"Somehow, you.." she pauses for a beat. "You always make me feel better. I don't think I've ever thanked you for that."

Her words feel so final, like she's saying goodbye, and a bolt of terror shoots through you before you decide you're being dramatic.

She's your friend. She's gonna be alright.

~

Emily's gone. She slipped out during Aaron's multi-agency task force briefing, and none of you noticed.

How could you not have noticed?

You're kicking yourself as Spencer pulls out a sheet of paper from one of Emily's contacts, with a list of undercover names all with the initials L.R. 

"Prentiss is the last name on the list," Rossi deduces as you mentally check back into the conversation. Your eyes scan the board with the name 'Lauren Reynolds' written at the top. "That means she's on Doyle's list too."

"Guys," Aaron calls out from Emily's desk, holding up her things in his hands, "she left her badge and gun."

"Why would she do that?" Penelope asks, her voice small like a child's. "We're her family."

That's when you finally find your voice. "She ran to protect us." You turn to Aaron then, your eyes flashing over his like it's the first time you've ever really looked at him. "How do we find her?"

"We need to profile their behavior," he instructs, moving to the front board. "Doyle is our unsub and Prentiss is our victim. We treat it like any other case." 

There's the small sound of a door opening and Aaron looks up, beckoning his chin to the back. "Because terrorism isn't an area we specialize in, I've reached out to an expert from the State Department...someone who can also shed light on Prentiss' past."

You whip around to the sight of a familiar head of blonde hair walking into the briefing room. The tension in your shoulders abates for a split second as gratitude cascades over you. God, you missed her.

JJ saunters forward and nods at each of you, her expression already rigid with concentration. "Let's get to work."

~

Profiling Emily takes you all to Boston, where the evidence from the previous victims adds up to the conclusion that Doyle is a family annihilator. When you also find out that he has a secret son, you and Derek lead the team to the warehouse where the son was last taken, in the hopes that Emily would have made the same connection.

The sound of a loud crash sends you running, but Derek is faster and he gets there before you. You enter the back room to find Emily bleeding out on the floor, a large wooden post stuck through her abdomen.

"I got her!" he yells into his comms before pressing his hands onto her wound. "Prentiss. It's me, I'm right here."

She mumbles something that sounds like his name and your chest floods with relief. You step out of the room to call for a medic, but when you get back, she isn't moving.

"Emily!" Derek yells as you sink to your knees beside him. Your pants are wet with her blood, and it feels like ice against your skin. How can there be so much blood in the human body? 

"Come on," he pleads, tightening his grip on her hand. "Stay with me!"

"Emily, please," you whisper, your throat hoarse from the unshed tears. You press your fingers to her pulse. "Please."

The medics come eventually, and she is taken to the hospital, where the whole team is holed up in the waiting room. Spencer hasn't stopped pacing since she was taken into surgery and you can't seem to take your face out of your hands, even as people press comforting pats on your shoulders. 

You don't notice anything going on around you until JJ comes back from speaking with the doctor with tears in her eyes. No, oh god no.

You barely register her words as she whispers, "She never made it off the table."

It's only then that you stand up. You're not sure what you're planning to do, but as soon as you try to move, your legs start shaking, like you're slipping in quicksand. Aaron steps towards you just as your body gives out and you collapse onto him, quiet sobs bubbling out of your throat.

"She was just here," you cry into his chest while you clutch his shirt as though your life depends on it. "How can she be gone?"

His hands rub comforting circles into your back as his arms tighten around you, keeping you upright, and you can't help but imagine that this picture looks vaguely reminiscent of his home last year when you held him up as he broke down. 

Emily's gone.

You can't even remember why you were so angry with him before. Everything outside of this moment feels so trivial, like you've been wasting so much time. You need him now, and you're so thankful he's here to hold you up even though his pain is just as big as yours.

Aaron wraps himself tighter around you, fighting the tears that are rushing forward, because they just aren't fair. His whole team is falling apart in front of him, and he's one of two people here who knows the truth.

You choke out another sob and he tugs you upward, helping you stand again as you wipe the tears from your face. Out of the corner of his periphery, he sees JJ pull Spencer into a hug, and she meets his eye over the younger agent's shoulder. So much pain.

"What are we supposed to do now?" you ask suddenly, your voice so small he's sure he's the only person who can hear you. "How are we supposed to keep going?"

The familiar echoing emptiness of guilt swallows him whole and he sucks in a sharp breath in a futile effort to keep himself from drowning. Your glistening eyes are so wide with despair, and he pulls you back into his arms, mostly for comfort, but also because he can't stand to see you in pain for much longer. When he finally finds his voice, all that comes out is, "I don't know."

***

You can barely remember the funeral. 

When you try to think about it, there are flashes of white gloves and red roses and rough, brown dirt, but the only thing that really sticks out is the pressure of Aaron's hand over yours as you stood in front of her casket while they lowered her into the ground.

So many funerals, so many gravestones. The eery familiarity that has made you numb to the loss, even as it threatens to tear you apart each time you let yourself think about her.

It has become a regular passage in the story of your life: meet someone new, learn to love again, and then lose them.

Tears prick your eyes as you settle into the stiff wooden chair in your kitchen. The team has been organizing impromptu get-togethers all month, mostly at the last minute and usually late at night. That's when the loneliness hits the hardest. 

You figure you should be used to it by now. Deep down, you know it's not something anyone ever gets used to, but believing that the pain will abate is easier than realizing it'll always be there, buried in your bones. 

The pain of your mother's death is still a phantom bruise under your skin, always there, but never at the forefront until you press hard enough. Losing Jeff was a whole other monster, hiding under your bed and within the confines of your mind, ready to pounce the moment you closed your eyes. Haley, on the other hand, was a fresh wound; sometimes, you still aren't sure that the gash has fully closed, but with time it has gotten easier to pretend that things aren't awful all the time.

You wipe a loose tear from your cheek as you check your phone messages and tidy up some of the plates from your table. Aaron came over last night, and you both sat in silence for a long time, until a photo of Emily on your computer brought you to tears again. He held you for hours as you shook in his arms, trying to keep yourself together, but ultimately failing.

The silver lining of his renewed presence in your life doesn't feel as sweet as it should, given the circumstances, but you'll take any win you can get. If nothing else, you missed the feel of his arms around you.

You flinch as the dishes clink together loudly when you set them in the sink, and you watch the water dribble from the faucet for a long time, pretending that all you see isn't her blood.

***

He doesn't know what to do. He wants to be there for you more than anything else in this world, but seeing you break down is like being stabbed all over again, only this time it's his own fault. 

When you called last night, he couldn't stay away. He misses you like he's missing a limb, and even if he wanted to stop himself from seeing you, he knows he couldn't. Your grief has brought you back to him, but it feels wretched, even as he shoves aside his guilt for an evening to comfort you at this low.

He had lost count of the number of work-related things he had kept from Haley when they were married, but he always had the excuse that she didn't need to know. That her life would be better without the knowledge of all the horrors that circled them everyday. 

He doesn't have the same excuse with you. You are well-acquainted with the tragedies that life brings, and if it was up to him, he would spill every secret he has ever hidden, because he loves you, and you're one of the last people in this world who still trusts him, and he's so scared that after this, he'll lose that too. 

But he keeps his mouth shut. And when Garcia invites him to a get-together at your place, he politely declines, because if he knows you all have each other, then he can take one night off from the debilitating guilt he somehow still hasn't learned to shoulder after all these years.

***

"Come on in."

Spencer, Derek, and Penelope shuffle into your house, handing you bottles of wine and bags of assorted snacks, before plopping down on your couch and making themselves at home. They've been over so many times in the last few weeks that you figure it basically is their second home at this point, not that you mind. 

None of you want to be alone, and that's why it works.

"What are we watching tonight?" Derek asks, his voice nonchalant, like it's just another movie night with your colleagues. He always starts the night acting like everything's fine, and it really irked you the first time he came over, until you realized it was a front that he just needed time to shed. "Didn't you say last time that you have the original Jaws DVD?"

"What if we watched The Empire Strike Back?" Spencer asks timidly from under a slew of blankets that Penelope has covered both of them with. His nightly ritual involves suggesting one of his favorite movies, even though it always gets immediately shot down. 

Derek chuffs, snagging some of the blanket from off your lap. "Maybe another night, kid."

"I don't care what we watch," Penelope sighs as she pulls open a bag of popcorn and chucks a handful into her mouth, "as long as it isn't sad." That's her only request. Nothing sad, please. Your nightly ritual is like a practiced dance. Each of you playing your parts, reciting your lines the same way, keeping it familiar. Establishing a routine.

You stand up, taking your cue, and grab a random DVD from your cabinet. Ten minutes later, you're all watching The Empire Strikes Back, and Spencer cracks something that looks like a smile for the first time since before the funeral.

You watch the movie in silence, and when the credits roll, you watch the names scroll over the screen as you muster up the energy to find the remote. When you finally click the TV off, the silence feels suffocating, and you hear Penelope sniffle from next to you.

Throwing your arm around her shoulder, you all squish yourselves together, like the pressure will keep the emotions in. 

After a long pause, Spencer is the first to speak. "It'll get better, right?" 

"It has to," Derek sighs, his chin falling to his chest as he takes in a deep breath. You know him well enough to be able to translate his exasperation into anguish, even as he tries to hide it.

"It will get better." You glance around the couch at your friends - the people who have been here for you through all of it - and nod your head, choosing this moment to really believe it. "It will."

***

It doesn't.

A week later, you are storming into Aaron's apartment after he dropped Jack off to stay with Jess, your words already pouring out even before he can shut the door behind you.

"How could you take the assignment?"

Your tone is laced with malice, but he can still hear the hurt underneath.

"How could you leave us here after everything that happened?"

This time the pain is clearer. Your voice breaks at the end and he steps forward to do something, but you twist your body away.

His hands fall hopelessly back to his sides and he doesn't know how to explain this to you, when he can't even explain it to himself.

"Strauss left your brief in the conference room." Your words are stronger now, and he looks up, his eyes squinting with anticipation. "You've known about this since before the new year."

You're right. He's known about the prospect of this assignment for almost a year, and then after, when it became a real possibility, he still chose not to tell you. Maybe before, he had the excuse that you weren't speaking to him, but after Emily...he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

"Why wouldn't you tell us?" you ask, the anguish coming forward in full force. "We need you here. Jack needs you. I need you."

He needs you too. But he also needs to stop hurting you. And he can't see that happening while he's still here.

"I'm sorry," he whispers softly. I love you, I'm sorry.

You let out a sigh and your shoulders fall, like you've lost all of the fight within you. You look so defeated, and it feels worse than when you were yelling at him. 

You're right here, but you feel so far away, like he's looking at you through tinted glass.

"Fine," you say after a beat. "Call me when you're leaving."

Your shoulder brushes his as you whip past him, and he doesn't muster up the courage to speak again until you're already gone.

***

The call comes soon. Too soon.

You meet him at his apartment, and Jack immediately gives you a hug before latching himself back onto his father. You don't know what Aaron told him, given how you don't even know how long he's going to be gone, but you can't imagine it was helpful to a six year old boy who only understands that his father is leaving for a long time.

"I called Jess to pick him up," Aaron explains in a hushed whisper as Jack runs out to get his shoes, "but she's busy until the afternoon."

"That's okay," you say, crossing your arms in front of you. It's a defensive maneuver that's about all you can muster up right now. "I can drop him off at her house after we get you out of here."

You try to say it lightly, but your tone sharpens at the end, making him flinch. You sigh, an apology in itself, because you're trying so hard to be supportive. You know you're mad at him - no matter how hard you try not to be - but this isn't the time to show your anger.

Jack comes back into the living room, and you usher the young boy out the door as Aaron lugs his duffel bags behind you and out to the car. The drive is mostly silent, and Jack doesn't say a word until you help him out of his carseat and onto the tarmac at the base. 

"I'm gonna miss you, Daddy," he whispers, his little hands reaching up to grab his father's hand. "Come home soon."

Aaron picks him up and squeezes him in a big hug, before setting him back down on the ground. He looks at you then and you shrug, pressing your lips together. "What he said."

"I don't know how long this is going to take," he says, mostly directing his words at Jack, even though he keeps glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. "Probably a few months though."

A few months. That shouldn't feel as long as it does. 

"Bye buddy," he says then, kneeling down to hug his son again. "Go sit in Y/N's car so I can talk to her about some grown up stuff for a minute."

Jack bounces back to where your car is parked, and you watch him get in before turning back to look at Aaron. There's a resoluteness in his expression that shouldn't surprise you, given how driven he is by his sense of duty, but it still catches you off guard.

"You'll be okay there?" you ask, needing to get that out of the way before the rest of it.

He nods, before inching his hand forward to brush against yours. It's a small gesture, but you're not ready yet.

"I'm still angry," you whisper, pulling your hand back slightly. "I don't want to be, because you're leaving, and I want you to have a clear head out there, but I can't help it."

"It's okay," he says softly, his brow furrowing.

"No," you sigh, shaking your head. Your throat is thickening with the threat of tears and you don't want to cry in front of him now either, but there are too many emotions swirling around your brain to keep any of them straight. "I'm not really mad, okay. I know you're trying to do the right thing, but she's gone, and the team is not okay right now, and I need to find a way to handle it on my own."

I can't do it by myself, you want to say. I'm in love with you and you're making it seem so easy to leave me here to shoulder the burden of everyone's grief.

"I'm sorry," he says again, his voice softer this time. 

You're so much better than me, he thinks as he watches you stand so stoically before him. I love you and I can't bear to see you in pain when I'm part of the reason why.

"It's okay," you repeat after a beat. Then you reach forward and take his hand, like he tried to do earlier. His hand is warm and calloused, and it feels rough against your palm, but it grounds you, tethering you to this moment. "I'll see you when you get back."

He nods, before pulling you forward gently into a hug. Your chin tilts up to sit on his shoulder and he squeezes you to him once before letting you go.

When he lifts his bags and walks toward the loading ramp, Jack leaps out of the car and grabs your hand as you both wave goodbye.

He flashes you both one last smile before waving back and disappearing into the plane.

***

The first month is the easiest. You let the futile anger take over; let yourself pretend that you don't actually miss him. 

Seeing Jack and Jess makes it less painful, and you slowly find yourself spending more time with them than at home. Jess tries to spend time with Jack at Aaron's apartment to help him maintain a stable environment, but with his father gone, it doesn't help you notice the absence less.

"He's not eating as much," Jess mentions to you one night after she puts him to bed and joins you out in the living room. At first, being at his place without him felt intrusive, but you've gotten used to being there. "He was picking at his food all through dinner."

"I noticed that," you agree as you pat the spot beside you on the couch. "I'm sure it's just a picky eating phase. Once he settles back into a routine with you it should be fine."

"With us," she corrects with a small smile. "I need all the help I can get, and I really appreciate you being here so often."

"Oh, honey, of course." You give her forearm a squeeze before grabbing both of your empty glasses from the table and taking them to the sink. "I was worried I was becoming more of a burden on you by being here so much, but I'm glad it's welcome company."

"Always," she says, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. You set the glasses down and turn back to see her staring at the tiny picture frame of her and Haley on her counter. "She always made it look so easy."

You nod, not wanting to interrupt her moment. After a beat, Jess releases a heavy sigh and shakes her head. "She was the perfect mother. If I can be half as good of a caretaker for Jack as she was, I'll know I'm doing something right."

You smile unconsciously, remembering a moment from years ago. "I swear Aaron said the exact same thing once. He was upset about leaving work late again when they first had Jack, and I had to assure him that he wouldn't miss every childhood milestone just because he had to work late once in a while."

He was so terrified of being anything like his father. You tried your best to show him how impossible that was, but those are the kinds of things people have to learn on their own.

Jess looks down, deep in thought, and your phone chimes then with a new message. It's from Derek: Hotch sat phone call, 15 mins

"Jess," you whisper, getting her attention again. "Aaron is scheduled to call us over the satellite phone in a little bit. I'm gonna go into the office to see if I can talk to him. Is there anything you want me to tell him?"

She thinks for a moment before shaking her head. "Just that Jack and I are doing well. And we miss him."

You nod and press a kiss to her cheek before grabbing your coat and driving over to the field office. The sky is dark by the time you arrive, and it feels foreign to walk into an empty bullpen. The team has shrunk so much since he left, and lately it's just been you, Spencer, Derek, Rossi, and Penelope around here.

You knock on Aaron's office door once before stepping inside.

"Sounds good," Derek is saying as you shut the door behind you. "Yeah, keep us updated." He sees you then and beckons you closer before turning back to the phone. "Y/N's here. I'll hand it to her."

You take the phone from him and tentatively press it to your ear. There's a slight buzzing sound and when he says "Hello?", his voice sounds far away.

"Hi," you say softly, turning your back to Derek for some semblance of privacy, but he has already pulled out his phone and started typing something. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," he says, sounding slightly distracted. "It's really busy over here. How are yo- you all doing? Jack and Jessica?"

"They're good," you tell him, hoping he can't hear the tightness in your voice over hearing his for the first time in weeks. "They really miss you. We all do."

"I miss you guys too." 

You hear some muffled voices on the other end of the line, and you jump in with your questions before he gets called away. "Any updates I can ask about? Like when you'll be done."

"Not right now," he says with a sigh. "It's still need-to-know."

"Right," you whisper rigidly, even though it's not fair. He's trying his best, and he's doing what's right, but you keep punishing him. Because of your own feelings, your brain adds at the end. 

"It's protocol," he says, even though you're both well aware of how this works.

"I know," you sigh, your fingers gripping the phone tightly. "I have to go back to Jess's."

"Y/N, wait-" he starts, but you are already handing the phone back to Derek.

He takes it uncertainly, but you just shake your head and exit the office.

***

"Did you watch the other movie I gave you?"

You whip your head around to look at Spencer, who is looking at you intently. You had been staring at Aaron's office door for the better part of the last hour.

You frown apologetically. "Not yet, Spence." He had loaned you his DVD of one of his favorite Star Wars movies, and each time you tried watching it, you were just reminded of the immediate aftermath of losing Emily. "I'll find time soon, though."

"That's okay," he shrugs as you inadvertently glance up at the door again. "I know it isn't everyone's thing. I just thought you seemed to enjoy the one we watched at the movie night."

"I did," you assure him, reaching out to pat his hand. "I promise I just haven't found time yet."

He smiles at you, and you return it before your eyes dart up to Aaron's office door at the sight of movement. A small, unrealistic part of you expects Aaron to emerge, but it's Derek instead. Derek took over his office a month after he left to Pakistan, because the secure line was already set up.

"He has a lot on his plate these days," Spencer says, drawing your attention back. He's watching Derek speak to someone at the top of the stairs, his forehead crinkled with stress.

"We're down quite a few hands," you nod, pursing your lips. "Maybe we can convince Derek to bring JJ back permanently."

Spencer lights up and you can't help but grin too. "We definitely should."

***

The cases start piling up, and you welcome the distraction as the passing months begin to weigh on you. The whole team has been under a lot of pressure from the brass, and Strauss has been hinting at a prolonged assignment in Pakistan that may take up even more of his time.

After a particularly grisly case, you invite Penelope over to unwind with some wine and chatting. It doesn't escape your notice that you're missing half of your usual girls' night attendees, but you keep the wine flowing, and soon you aren't focusing on anything other than the new guy Penelope met at her grocery store.

"He's so sweet," she gushes as she leans over the table to grab another chip. You're both sitting on the floor of your living room, and you reach out hastily to steady her glass as it gets precariously close to spilling over. "And I think it says a lot that he shops at such a high quality grocery store."

"Oh, absolutely," you nod, lifting your own glass in a mock salute. "You can tell a lot about a man by how he eats."

"Tell me about it," she sighs, her words starting to slur. Maybe opening the second bottle was too much. "I once dated a guy who only ate protein bars and steak."

Your face twists in disgust, and you set your glass down, feeling the rush of tipsiness hit you. "That's definitely not a balanced diet."

"I tried to tell him," Penelope says, before her face falls into a sad frown. "I really tried."

"Okay, okay," you say, trying to change the subject as her eyes fill with drunk tears. "Back to the grocery store man."

Her face breaks into a wide smile comically fast and you let out a high laugh. "He's so sweet. He really is just the sweetest guy."

"So I've heard," you grin, taking another sip of wine.

Turns out your last glass was one too many, because an hour later, after sending Penelope off in a cab and clearing away your dishes, you're still feeling the buzz from earlier.

Your face feels comfortably warm and you grab your phone from the counter, with the intention to call Emily, when you suddenly remember-

Your smile falls in an instant and tears are rushing forward before you can clearly form a coherent thought. You drop the phone and rush upstairs to take a hot shower to wind down and calm yourself, but even as the burning water washes over you, you still feel wound tight, like your emotions are trapped inside of you.

She was the first person you would always call after a tipsy night, and now she's gone. 

Everybody's gone.

JJ, Emily, Aaron. Aaron.

A sob chokes out and you press your hand over your mouth, your body caving forward under the billowing steam fogging up the glass. You miss him so much, it's like you're not even yourself anymore. 

You let out another soft sob as the water begins to calm you down, but you can still feel the echoing hollowness inside of you. You wish he was here, holding you, telling you it would all be okay. That you didn't ruin everything by pushing too hard, too fast. That you love him and he loves you, and it can all be perfect again. 

"It'll be okay," his voice whispers from behind you, and suddenly he's there. Not really, but with your eyes closed and your mind still foggy, it almost feels real. "I'm sorry I left. I should've been here."

"You should be," you gasp out as his arms close around you from behind, holding you tightly under the soothing warmth of the water. "You left me."

"I know," he says, his breath tingling the sensitive spot behind your ear. "I'll never leave again. I promise."

"You promise," you whisper, mostly to yourself, as you turn around. His lips glide over your shoulder and up your neck, and suddenly his mouth is on yours.

You gasp as his hands slide down your body, his fingers gently caressing the sides of your breasts as he makes his way to your waist. His lips are so soft against yours and when his tongue runs along the seam of your mouth, you moan loudly, letting him swallow up the sounds.

He feels so real under your hands as you trace the jagged scars along his abdomen, and when his tongue glides down your-

You sit up with a gasp, your head pounding with the beginnings of an oncoming wine hangover. Your sheets are messily strewn around you, and your skin is sticky with sweat, but you can't bring yourself to get up. You take a large gulp of water from the glass on your nightstand and check the time: 3:02 AM.

Falling back with a huff, you run a hand over your face and fruitlessly try to sleep through the rest of the night.

***

Summer brings its own set of struggles.

The heat makes each case feel ten times longer than it already is, and with September fast approaching, Jack gets more and more antsy about starting school for the first time.

"He's been shut in his room all day," Jess sighs over the line as you make yourself coffee with your phone pressed between your shoulder and ear. "I think he's sad that he's starting school without either of his parents here."

Your heart breaks as you imagine Jack alone in his room, waiting and wishing for his dad to come back in time for his first day of school. Then an idea pops into your head.

"I think I know what to do."

An hour later, you, Jess, and Jack are waiting in line, under the beating sun, to get into the Smithsonian's zoo. Even tho you can already feel the sweat starting to drip down your back, Jack looks downright giddy, so you take the win.

When you finally get inside, he makes a beeline for the monkey exhibits, and you and Jess meander along behind him, chatting about her new side gig.

"I'm starting the part-time job in the fall," she explains as you stop behind Jack at the front of the chimpanzee enclosure. "It works out with the start of the school year, in case Aaron is gone for a while longer."

"That sounds great," you smile, giving her a small side squeeze. "You deserve something to take your mind off of everything too."

She shrugs, ever the neutral party, before looking at you with a smirk. "I hear there are some changes happening at the BAU as well?"

"Right!" you grin, following Jack to the next exhibit. "JJ was helping out temporarily, but she's officially back on the team. She also mentioned to me that she might be considering enrolling in profiler training so she can be a full-time field agent."

"Good for her," Jess smiles. "Lord knows you guys could use some extra manpower right now."

It's right then that your phone chirps with a text from Derek saying that Aaron is calling in again this afternoon. The urge to speak to him for the first time in weeks tugs at your gut, but then you glance over at Jack, who looks happy for the first time in just as long, and before you know it, you're typing back your response: Not today. Busy with Jack.

***

The next time Aaron calls in, you don't have an excuse. 

You're at work, scribbling out the last few lines of your latest case report, when Derek tries to call you into his office. You haven't spoken to him in over a month, and he's asked for you each time he called, but still you refuse.

"Y/N, come on," Derek chuffs, running a hand over his face. "You know he wants to talk to you. He's by himself over there."

That's what gets you. By himself. As though you aren't alone too. As though you hadn't been completely fucking alone when, over the weekend, you found a pair of socks Emily must have forgotten at your place months ago, and had a full body breakdown on the floor of our foyer. 

Each time you're close to forgetting that he left you here to fend for yourself, it comes back in full force, and right now, you would rather do just about anything other than put on a neutral face and ask him how he's doing over there.

"Next time," you say, hoping the finality comes across in your tone. It must have worked, because although Derek shakes his head disappointedly, he doesn't ask again. 

When you go to Aaron's place after work to see Jack, Jess pulls you aside, a worried look on her face. 

"We spoke to Aaron yesterday," she explains, her arms crossed over her chest. The bureau set up a secure line for them so she and Jack could speak to him periodically. "He seemed to be doing well."

"That's great," you say with a nod, unsure of why she's updating you when she thinks you spoke to him today. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," she says, waving away your concern. "I told him about Jack starting school in a few weeks, and about my new job. Then when I mentioned you - how you've been coming here a lot - he looked really happy that you were involved, but...he sounded off for the rest of the call."

Your shoulders tense up and you try to relax, so as not to give yourself away. "Damn Jess, they should make you a profiler."

She says your name sternly, and you can hear the Haley in her voice. "I'm serious. Have you guys not been speaking?"

"It's okay," you say, shaking your head. "I just need some more time, but I'll talk to him soon."

She twists her lips into a sad frown and you sigh, not knowing what to say, but she beats you to it. "He misses you...and I can tell you miss him."

You don't have an answer that she will want to hear, so you stick with the usual. "I'll talk to him next time."

***

"Do I have to go?"

Jack's bottom lip juts out in a sad pout as you adjust the straps of his little backpack on his shoulders. 

"It's your first day of school, bud!" Jess is trying to sound excited, but you can hear the sadness in her voice too, now that she won't have Jack all hours of the day anymore. "It's an exciting time!"

"You got this, baby," you smile, pressing a loud kiss to the top of his head. "Your dad is so proud of you."

"Your mom would be too," Jess adds with a sad smile. "Now go on in, Jack. I'll be right here waiting for you when the last bell rings."

He considers this for a moment, before nodding. Then he looks at you. "What about you?"

"I have to work," you say softly, matching his pout and making him let out a small giggle. "But you can tell me all about your first day when I see you this weekend, okay?"

"Okay," he nods, before grabbing the straps of his backpack and marching toward the front door.

"There he goes," Jess says wistfully, linking her arm through yours.

You let out a small sigh before shooting her a smile. You love him so much, and you're so glad you get to be here as he grows up, but you're so sad that Haley is gone and he's missing out on this moment. "They grow up so fast."

***

The next time Aaron calls in, you're talking to Dave in his office about his latest cabin trip. He is filling you in on the species of fish that live in the lake behind his place when Derek walks in with the notification that Aaron is on the other end of the line in his office.

Dave nods, saying he'll speak with him at the end, and Derek almost skips over you until you follow him out the door.

"You sure?" he asks as you follow him up the stairs.

You nod, bracing yourself for the guilt as you pick up the sat phone. "Hello?"

"Morgan?" Aaron asks, his voice confused over the line. 

"No," you say, shaking your head even though he can't see you. "It's me."

There's a moment of silence before he clears his throat. "Oh, I'm glad you could come in."

You say something that sounds like "of course" and suddenly he can hear his heartbeat in his ears. He hasn't heard from you in weeks, and even though he's probably coming home soon, he's so happy to hear your voice he could cry.

"Jess said you were there for Jack's first day," he says slowly, trying to find his voice. "Thank you for doing that. I know it's a lot before coming into work."

"It's not," you say genuinely, momentarily alleviating all of the anxiety he has been having around missing everything in his son's life. "He's the perfect kid. I'm lucky to be a part of his life."

He closes his eyes, wishing with every fiber of his being that he was there with you right now, and not thousands of miles away. "Thank you."

"Any time."

There's silence for a few moments before your breath stutters. "Do you know when you're coming back?"

His heart cracks at the soft sadness in your voice, but he still isn't allowed to share anything that is strictly need-to-know. "I don't."

Your breath catches in your throat and he hears the quiet sob as it breaks over the line. "I miss you, Aaron."

His fingers grip the phone so tightly he's afraid it may shatter in his hands, but there's nothing else tethering him to his life back home. This metal box is the one thing that is keeping him alive out here, and even though he left home so that he could stop lying to you, he's still doing it.

That's why he swallows thickly and says the one thing he knows isn't a lie: "I miss you too."

***

The team got called into the office for an emergency that no one has explained to any of you, and you take a seat in the briefing room as everyone else files in, matching looks of confusion all around you.

"Anyone know what we're doing here?" Dave asks as he leans back in his chair.

You're about to shrug when a figure walks into the room in a dark blue button down and an unfamiliar scruffy beard.

Your eyes widen and your breath leaves your body as you start to stand up, but then he motions for you all to take a seat, so you sink back down. He glances at everyone in the room before his eyes finally land on you. You can't believe he's here. That he knew he was coming back and still didn't tell you.

"What's going on?" Derek asks, breaking your eye contact with a jolt. "Everything all right?" Aaron ignores him. "Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team. As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle."

You don't know why he's bringing this up again but then he continues. "The doctors were able to stabilize her and she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under covert exfiltration."

Your heart falls. No, there's no way. "Her identity was strictly need-to-know. And she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to, for her security." Your teammates break their silence at the same time. 

"She's alive?"

"But we buried her..."

You're still unable to suck in a big enough breath to regain the ability to speak, but then another figure walks in and you suddenly understand what people mean when they say their heart skips a beat.

"Oh my god," Penelope whispers from behind you as your feet unconsciously carry you forward and toward her. Toward Emily.

You pull her into your arms, relishing the feeling of your friend hugging you back after you thought you would never see her again. Her arms squeeze you tightly and you suck in a shuddering breath, trying to calm down your heart rate.

She's alive. Emily's alive. Aaron's back and Emily's alive.

The thoughts ping pong around your brain, fighting for dominance, but another one buried deeper in your mind floats to the surface, refusing to be ignored.

He lied.

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[lis-likes-fics]

Is That a Challenge?

Pairings: Spencer Reid x Reader Word Count: 8.1k words Warnings: NSFW, smut, abo themes, omega!Spencer, alpha!Reader, (mentions of alpha!Emily) heat/rut mentions, sexual innuendos, multiple orgasms, edging oral (f! receiving), biting, claiming, praise, sub/dom themes, aftercare... A/N: This was so hard to write because I'm not really used to writing dom!Reader. I'm also not used to writing sub guys because I'm used to wanting all my blorbos to rail me so...this was new to me. I will eventually write a fic where Spencer does the railing though, TRUST! But here it is! I hope you and enjoy. Happy Halloween!

Traffic was a fucking nightmare, but at least you're here. People were moving slowly this morning for a reason unbeknownst to you. Your coffee is the only thing keeping you sane so far, and you're pretty sure it's by mere placebo.

You set your bag on your desk with a heavy sigh, saying your lazy hellos to the girls. You guess Morgan's in his office since he isn't here.

“Where's Rossi?” you wonder briefly as you switch your computer on.

“Hotch,” Emily mumbles. You hum.

“Spence isn't here today?” JJ wonders as she glances around for your boy genius.

You shake your head, plopping down in your chair with your arm thrown over the back. “No, he had to stay home,” you answer. “Not feeling too well.”

Emily turns, raising a brow. “He's not sick, right?”

You hum, tilting your head slightly. You busy yourself with your password. “Not exactly.”

You hear her before you see her. She's wearing something dangly today.

“Where is my cutie patootie?” She sounds playfully vexed. “He hasn't come to see me yet.”

“Wow, everyone is worried about my boyfriend today,” you say, turning in your chair to face all your girls.

“Well, your boyfriend doesn't miss work without plenty of notice,” Emily replies.

You purse your lips, turning away to focus on your work. You're sure there's plenty of it today. “Something came up…”

There's a very brief silence. JJ chuckles, catching your unintended insinuation. “Oh…” she says, “was that something him?”

You crinkle your nose, turning right back around to show her how unimpressed you are by her joke. “I will neither confirm nor deny.”

You probably should have confirmed or denied because now they're very interested. To be fair, it was a rather inappropriate response to respond to (not that that has ever stopped any of you from prying into the other's personal lives).

Penelope’s face shifts from her confusion into something rather mischievous. “Oh. Oh! Oh.”

Emily leans forward, a smirk on her lips as she sets her elbow on her leg. “Why aren't you staying home then?”

You cross your legs, your foot over your knee to pull close to you. “Proving a point.”

“Oh,” Penelope says again. “Oh.”

“Are you going to keep saying ‘oh’?” you question, shaking your head at her.

She sits on your desk, her enthusiasm leaking out of her ears. Maybe if you let it, she'll deflate and have to go refill your air supply.

“Yes,” she nods definitely. “Because—Oh, my God. I knew you were both little freaks.”

She is way too excited about your sex life.

You roll your eyes at her. “What's freaky about me proving a point by coming to work?”

“The fact that your point–” she pokes you, “–is so freaky.”

Emily and JJ are eating this up. They've both fully abandoned their work to turn toward you and pry. JJ’s got her legs crossed, Emily's got hers spread as she leans forward. They're all holding coffee mugs in their hands in place of tea cups.

“What’d he do?” Emily asks. She's bobbing her brows.

You laugh, covering your face with your hand as you sigh. “If I tell you, you cannot tell Morgan. He will never let Spence live it down.” Poor Spencer would have to go through that every day. It's just mean.

JJ’s the first to respond. “Deal.”

“He's getting nothing outta me,” Emily nods.

“You have my silence.” Penelope pretends to lock her mouth with a key. She stuffs said imaginary key in her bosom.

“Promise?” you warn.

“Yes!” she exclaims. “My lips are sealed. That's what the key was for.”

You sigh, trying to hold back your hesitant smile as you go through the morning. “The…” you chuckle lightly. “The heat snuck up on us this morning.” Their understanding comes in various hums and mumbles. “Obviously, I'm a little hot, too. I told him I would call in to be with him, and he agreed because,” you lick your lips, effectively conveying your slight annoyance, “I'd likely ‘be too frayed to focus anyway’.”

“Oo.”

“Yikes,” Penelope winces.

You nod. “And I told him that I could last longer than him. He pulled out all his statistics, said that my ‘kind’ was statistically less controlled at this time than his. I took that as a challenge.”

JJ hums, “So would I if I were in your shoes.” She brings her cup to her lips.

“Please,” Emily scoffs. “If my girlfriend said that to me, it would be all over for her.”

You shrug. “I told him that I'd last the day without so much as a text. First to make contact loses.” You glance at your phone, searching for anything and finding nothing. “He's doing well so far. I thought he'd tap out after the first hour. He was really bad this morning.”

“Only…” Emily checks her watch, “seven more hours to go.”

It's only been an hour since you left the house. One hour. Singular.

This morning has been so slow, and it's only been an hour.

“Seven?”

You might give up now.

Emily chuckles, though she's sympathetic to your cause. “Hang in there. Make us proud.”

Penelope shrugs. “Hey, chicks before private parts and all that, but I will be rooting for Spencer. I have faith in him.” She makes a fist to show her firm stance in this race.

JJ sighs. “That's sweet, Pen, but he'll probably tap out within the next hour. I know I probably would.” She shrugs. “But it's not for a lack of trying.”

Penelope laughs at that. “And so would I, but he's strong. Right?”

You turn back around to face your computer, snickering to yourself. “You should see him in bed.”

You hold your hand out behind you. Emily smacks it before swiveling in her own chair. JJ and Penelope roll their eyes. She scoots off your desk to leave.

~

When your phone rings, “Penny” is shining on your screen like she's already in your face. You answer.

“I need news. Anything yet?”

You roll your eyes. She hadn't even waited for a hello. “You called me for this?”

“Has he texted you?” she insists.

Your leg starts jumping. “Nothing yet.”

It's a little frustrating. You've been here for how long? Spencer was about to burst this morning. After he'd proposed his little facts, you didn't even help him out before you left. Now he hasn't called or texted or even asked about you through any of your friends.

Penelope is ecstatic. “See?” She squeals.

“He's still got another three hours,” you say. “He'll break.”

“Oh, my wonder boy?” She giggles. “Never.”

You run a hand down your face at her support of him. It's sort of annoying because she's sort of right. Spencer is very stubborn when he wants to be. That's what happens when you know everything.

She hangs up on you. You put your phone down with a sigh and focus in again on your work. If you don't, you think you might lose (which would never happen).

“Pen?” Emily mumbles.

“Who else?”

~

It's the end of the day. The sun will be gone by the time you make it home. Not a single peep.

You're surrounded by the girls as you all step into the elevator. Penelope starts to say something, but you see Derek first.

“The door, the door, the door!” you whisper-shout.

You all start jabbing the close-door button, and you think briefly that you'll break it. All the boys look on, entirely taken aback by such behavior.

“Wait. Hold on!” The doors close in Derek's face.

You let out a breath of relief.

“He actually did it,” JJ smiles.

Emily shrugs, though she sighs a little. “I'm impressed.”

“No. No,” you wag your finger. “Not yet. The deal is no contact, not no texting. When I get home, he'll be all over me, and then he'll lose.”

Your annoyance is funny to them. 

Penelope almost whines. “First to touch? That's evil.”

Emily doesn't sympathize. “But worth it. Gotta do what you gotta do.”

“Wait, so what happens if you win?” JJ wonders.

“Spencer has to wash the dishes for a month No questions asked.”

“Oh.” Penelope hums, then she sighs. “Underwhelming.”

Emily leans against the wall. “I thought he already does dishes.”

“He does,” you say. “Gladly, I might add, because he knows I hate them.”

The doors slide open on the main floor. They continue to follow you.

“Then what's the challenge?” Emily asks.

You shrug. “Dignity.” Your car beeps as you press on the key fob.

“Oh, please,” JJ scoffs. “It's pride. She just wants to prove she's better than him ‘cause she's an Alpha.”

You don't look at her. “Two things can be true.”

“So what's the real deal, huh?” Penelope’s voice shifts down, and her nose crinkles in a gremlin-like manner. “Loser gets down and dirty? Are we talking who'll cry first?”

You all turn to look at her. Her smirk fades a little, and she rolls her eyes with a scoff. “What? I might be rainbows and unicorns but ya girl gets down in poundtown.”

JJ’s brows raise. She smiles as she nods, “Alright, then.”

To be honest, the parameters of the deal were fuzzy. Whatever you propose, Spencer will love. Whatever Spencer proposes, you will love. You're compatible in that way.

The ideas are making it hard to pretend you've got it together.

“I guess we'll never know.” Emily leans on your car, crossing her ankles.

“Know what?”

Morgan's voice breaks the four of you from your huddle. You turn to him as he comes forth, the Hotch and Rossi in tow. He puts his hands on his hips.

“What do you mean?”

Derek scoffs, as if to say “don't play with me”. You look at him expectantly, and he just shakes his head at you. “You said you guess you'll never know.”

You continue to play dumb. It's rather fun that way. “What won't you know?”

Derek crosses his arms over his broad chest. He raises a brow at all of you, waiting for someone to break and not expecting it to come from you or Emily.

“Does it have something to do with the kid?” He glances at Penelope, and you have to fight the urge to stare her down and remind her of the deal.

But alas. “Hearing you call him ‘kid’ in this context is really tripping me up.”

“So it is!”

“Penelope!” you scold.

She winces, covering her face to hide her blush and her smile. “I'm sorry!” Everyone's laughing by now.

You sigh, turning back to Derek. “Spencer is fine. Hotch knows. He was a little under the weather this morning.”

Everyone looks at Hotch. His face is as blank as ever. Until it isn't.

It is so, so slight. But the faintest glimmer of a smirk curves his lip, and you know it's over. The traitor.

“Oh-ho!” Derek claps. “I saw that.” He turns to you. “You mean longin’ to be under those sheets?”

You think it's funny that Derek thinks he's funny.

“Good job, Garcia,” JJ laughs.

“Sorry!”

Emily pokes fun. “Hotch, what happened to poker face?”

His hands come up. His smile is wide.

“It's fine. Spence is fine,” you insist. You begin to realize that it has been all day since he's seen you, and he's probably going to lose his mind soon. “And if you'll excuse me, I need to go make sure he's doing okay.”

Derek laughs, lightly smacking your shoulder. “Go rock his world, girl.”

Penelope raises a stern finger to him, “You are in time out, mister!”

“Oh, yeah?” He raises a brow. “Well, hopefully I can be in time out with you. How's that sound?”

They both walk away cheerfully. Derek glances over his shoulder at you, waving and then pretending to zip his lips. You smile back at him. At least Spencer can live in relative peace then.

Emily nudges your shoulder with hers. “Make us proud.” Her phone chimes. You watch something in her face change as she sucks in a breath through her teeth. “Speaking of which, I have to get home.”

She leaves abruptly, making haste in getting to her car to what you believe is going to be a good night for her.

JJ laughs as she leaves. “Still rooting for Spence.”

You look at Hotch and Rossi. “He'll be in tomorrow,” you promise.

“Oh!” Rossi’s brows shoot up, and they both laugh heftily. “Okay, then.”

“Take care. Both of you,” Hotch says. “And let me know if he's still…sick.”

You purse your lips as you nod. “Will do.”

Rossi starts backing up, wagging his finger at you as he does. “You two have fun now. But not too much fun.”

You roll your eyes. “Thanks, Gramps.”

“Hey. Respect your elders.”

Hotch laughs again. “Have a good night.” He pats Rossi on the shoulder as they both turn to leave. You open your door, stepping inside as you wave your goodbyes.

~

“Spence?” You peek your head past the door, looking around the living room to find him absent. “Baby, I'm home.”

When you close the door behind you, you're hit with it. His scent is everywhere. It's like he decided to rub his body all over every square inch of the house. If you weren't hot before, you definitely are now.

You press your thighs together, placing a hand on the wall to support you as you try to focus. How were you supposed to win if he has scented the whole house? You know he did it on purpose, too. He did this last time, when you actually stayed home. You didn't leave the bed for two days. (When you did leave, it was only because you got called in for a case.)

It's bad when you get to the bedroom. The door is closed, and you can smell it leaking out of the crack under the door. You think maybe you'll hold your breath when you get inside, but it seems highly illogical, so you don't.

As you push the door open, you're almost dizzy with the scent. “Oh, my,” you mutter, your eyes finding a lump in the bed surrounded by clothes and blankets. “It's hot in here. You should really open a window.”

Spencer sits up. His chest is bare, so are his legs, and you assume the rest of him. His hair is a tousled mess on his head. He looks almost precious like this.

“You're late,” he states plainly. He looks more grieved than he does upset.

“Sorry, baby. Got caught up talking.” You walk past him to get to the window, cracking it open to let some fresh air into the room before you lose. You turn to him, your hands on your hips as you smile. “Are you hungry? Been wanting to cook all day, for some reason.”

He shakes his head. He almost looks tired. His face is pinkish. “I'm not hungry.”

“No?” You lean against the side of the bed, facing him with a tilted head. “What's wrong? You look upset.”

He shakes his head weakly. “I'm not upset. I'm just… I want…” His voice is slightly slurred.

You bend down to him, so close that you can smell every little thing on him. Conditioner in his hair, lotion and sweat on his skin, you. He's almost shaking when your faces are so close that he thinks you'll kiss him.

“You look like you're burning up,” you mutter, keeping your breath shallow. “You sure you're okay?”

He wishes you would touch him. Any touch. It didn't even have to be a kiss. You could put the back of your hand on his forehead. You could brush your knuckles over his cheek. Anything.

You'd have to admit, you're wanting the same thing. But, no. He started it. You're not going to finish it.

“Please.”

Oh, what music.

You raise a brow, tilting your head to the other side. “What's that?”

“I'm sorry. I was wrong.”

You contain your grin. You play dumb, looking over his face and humming. “About what, sweetheart?”

He shakes his head. “I didn't last longer. I tried, but I couldn't.”

“That’s not true,” You see him start to lean forward. You pull back, gutting gently. “You didn't text me. Not once. You didn't call anyone. I haven't heard a thing.”

He almost whines. “Are you angry with me?”

“Angry?” you smile. “Of course not . That was the challenge. I can't be mad just because you tried to win.”

You linger there a moment, but it's getting to be too much. You straighten your spine slowly. You almost mess up as you reach your hand up to stroke his cheek, stopping halfway just to drop it back to your side. You sigh and walk away.

“How were you,” you wonder, “while I was gone?”

“Please. It hurts.”

He sounds so sad, you almost give in just because. You don't want him hurting. But you have a point to prove. Besides, the longer you wait it out, the better he'll be by the time you're done with him.

So you continue. “What hurts?” You slip your shoes off by the door, stretching your arms over your head with a long sigh.

“Everything hurts.” He can't think straight. It's becoming too much.

“Poor baby,” you mutter.

He needs you to do something, but he doesn't want to accept defeat. It's not fully a conscious decision. Spencer has always had trouble asking for help. It's what happens when you know everything. It's just more fun for him when he doesn't feel like he's burning from the inside out.

“I wasn't good,” he tries. “I tried to fix it on my own, but I couldn't. I knew I couldn't, and I tried anyway.”

You hum. “That's okay. What else were you going to do? Wait for me?”

“I'm supposed to.”

You shrug. “You are supposed to.” You walk to the edge of the bed, tilting your head at him. “But you didn't.”

“Please,” he mumbles, moving closer. He holds his hands out, palms up to offer them to you.

“I'm not falling for that, Spencer. If you want me to help, you know how to do that.” Any second now. “Don't you?”

Spencer just stares at you for a second, his face seemingly pained with his need. He sits up on his knees, the blankets falling away from him as he cradles your face in the palms of his hands.

Your lashes flutter at the feeling of his soft hands on your cheeks, but you continue to watch him, your face blank.

He gives in. “Please.”

You cup his elbow with your hand. With a sigh, Spencer leans in and captures your mouth in his. It's hot and rough, full of a raw desire for the other.

He's insistent in the way he kisses you. If he hadn't been so needy before, you'd think he was making you concede. His hand cups the back of your neck, the other wrapping around your waist as he brings you flush against his body.

You let him move you for now, setting your arms over his shoulders as you run your fingers through his hair.

When you grasp a handful of his soft, brown locks, he whimpers when you pull it back. You have to fight the urge to clench your teeth. “Shh, it's okay,” you whisper against his lips. You keep him firmly in place, kissing his forehead and his nose and his lips. “You weren't very good today, were you?”

You feel his body tense against you. “You are angry.”

You shake your head, rutting gently. “I'm not angry with you.” You let go of his hair to glide your fingertips along his hairline. “I'm just disappointed.”

He tugs at the hem of your shirt. “That's not better.”

You smile. “It's not, is it?” You pinch his chin in your hand, brushing your fingers along the length of his neck. “But don't worry, baby, we're gonna fix that together, okay?”

He nods. “Okay.”

You kiss him quickly before stepping out of his grasp. “Lie back.” Spencer sits back on the bed, awaiting you with pleading eyes. You smile. “I'm gonna go get ready for you. When I come back, I want you to be right there. Okay?”

He nods. “Okay.”

“Good.”

~

When you return, Spencer is laying back against the headboard like he's dying of the plague. You lean your bare body against the doorframe, sighing gently as you watch him.

You gently knock on the wall, bidding his eyes open as he turns his head to you. His breath hitches, catching again as he sits up some more.

Slowly, you make your way to the bed, climbing on top of the sheets and crawling over to him. Your lips meet as you straddle his waist, hovering over him as you relish in the closeness.

With a feather light touch, you reach down to take his cock in your hand. He winces, inhaling sharply through his teeth as his eyes squeeze shut. You pull back to look at it, swollen and weeping. It looks painful, and you suspect it is. “Oh,” you sigh lightly. “Look at what you did to yourself, baby. How will I be able to do anything with this? You're already ready to burst.”

He whines. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.” He gasps woefully when your thumb brushes the head. “Can you fix it?”

You do not envy him. Your clit is aching, your nipples are peaked, and you'll start sweating any moment now—but Spencer is suffering. He really needs this, and you're about to be cruel.

Oh, well. At least he'll learn a lesson.

You sigh, letting go of him. “I have an idea. But I need to be warmed up first, yeah?”

You kiss him before throwing your leg from over his body. He sits up, switching spots with you to let you sit against the headboard, your legs spread wide. You've been needing this all day, but you can't admit to that yet. At least Spencer had the whole house, filled with your scent in every fiber of fabric or every splinter of wood. You've been trapped at the office with nothing but his desk too far away from you to keep you company.

Spencer scurries to the spot between your legs. He might as well be salivating with how excited he is to be there. He slips his arms underneath your thighs, scooping them up and pulling you in close. Before he does anything, he looks up at you. “May I?”

He asks so sweetly. It'd be cruel not to oblige.

“Yes, sweetheart.”

Spencer's mouth is on you in a second, his hot tongue laving through your folds and his lips suckling on your clit. He's eager and desperate to taste you, to run his mouth over your cunt and cover himself in you.

You moan as you card your fingers through his hair, bucking your hips up into his mouth every time he moans right back. He eats you out like you're a feast fit for a king, licking and sucking and slurping you up.

“Oh, fuck. That's it, baby. Keep going.” You huff, savoring each flick of his tongue. “Good. Good boy.”

He makes a dreadful sound, so filled with pleasure that slick and spit seep from you like sap. You grip his hair tight, encouraging him with grinding hips and deep moans and fluttering folds. “C’mon, baby. Doin’ so good f’me.” He plunges his tongue inside of you, moaning into your dripping cunt.

He's always been very eager to do this, to taste you and to lick you whole. He's always been very good at this. You're on the verge already—all the pent of desire between the two of you makes it all the worse.

When you cum, he's all over you. His tongue and his lips devour you. Your thighs clamp around his head so tight, you think that you'll crush his skull. Not that he'll mind much. He's always enjoyed being in this position—you think he'd consider it a wonderful death.

The pleasure rushes through your body and makes you tremble as you arch your back and soak in the feeling of it all. And when the trembling has eased, you let out a heavy sigh and guide Spencer away before he works toward a second or fifth orgasm. He will, and he has.

“Good‎. Good job, baby,” you smile drunkenly, carding your fingers through his hair as you tilt his head up to look at you. His face is pink, almost darker. His chin and nose glisten with your arousal. You kiss it from his face.

He stares at you like your approval is going to make him cum all on its own. His lashes are fluttering, and he looks like he's barely holding on to reality.

You kiss his forehead to bring him back again. “Now lie back, and let me take a look.”

Spencer does as he's told. He sits up and trades places with you once again. As he lays against the pillows, you shuffle through clothes and blankets to half-straddle his legs.

He's gotten worse (as you supposed he would). When you touch his aching cock, he winces again. “Ah!” he exclaims, like you'd just hit him in the gut.

You shush him gently, using your fingertips to brush over the length of him. His arousal is pooling at the tip of his weeping cock. You do not envy him right now. You do pity him.

Though not enough to give him what he wants.

You drag your fingertips gently along his cock, grazing your thumb along the head and watching his belly tense and un-tense. You lean down, pressing your lips to his chest, and then to his belly, and then to his lower belly.

He whines when your breath fans over his erection, even worse when your lips kiss the base of his cock, and then come back up to kiss the head.

He's muttering little pleas under his breath, but he's too unfocused to form any actual sentences. You scarcely lick and suck on him, not nearly enough to get him off, but enough to elicit desperate moans and whimpers from your poor boy.

Your fingers curl around him, teasing the veins running underneath his cock or gliding gently over his balls. He's trembling, he needs you so bad.

You really should just put him out of his misery, but you find it too sweet right now. You clench your thighs and bite your lip. You bring your own free hand to your clit and rub inefficient circles over the bundle of nerves. It won't be enough right now to help you, but it sure does drive him crazy.

Spencer can't keep up with his own breath. He struggles to keep it steady when you touch him like you do. Every time you think he'll cum, you grip the base of his cock until that malcontent fills his eyes, and then you start again. You've done it a lot thus far, he's so close to the edge that everything you do nearly sets him off.

You stroke his length with a lazy, limp hand as you look down on him. “How's that? How do you feel, honey?”

Sweat sticks to his forehead, his neck—he's covered in it. His eyes are dazed. You're not entirely sure he's present right now. He's definitely not here enough to string together a coherent sentence on the first try.

“Please,” he whines. “I need it. Need you.”

There's no emphasis, or perhaps the whole thing is an emphasis. He's too far gone for you to tell.

“Yeah?” You try to catch his line of sight. His eyes find you and stick to your face, but you can tell it's not quite processing fully. “That's not what it felt like today.” You shake your head, tutting as you keep stroking, slowly building your pace. “You said you could last without me. Now look at you: you can't even make a full sentence.”

You grip the base of his cock as you feel him beginning to buck into your hand. He groans, clenching his teeth and slamming his eyes shut. “‘M sorry. I'm s-sorry.”

“You are?” You sweep the pad of your thumb over the slit in his tip. “Sorry about what?”

He sits up on his elbows. “What I said. I was wrong,” he insists.

You tilt your head just as you flick your wrist. You watch the muscles in his neck tense. “What were you wrong about, Dr. Reid?”

His hand reaches out to hold your side, grasping without grabbing you. “P-Please.”

You lean forward, pulling his face close to yours as you continue to stroke your fingertips along the underside of his cock. “No. You don't get anything from me until you say it.”

His breath is entirely unsteady. He struggles to keep up as he makes these pitiful sounds. “Omegas don't have more discipline,” he huffs out, his words coming in a rush in an attempt to get them out. “I was wrong. I would-wouldn't last longer than you. I didn't. I lost, I was wrong.”

His hair sticks to his forehead. He looks like he might start crying.

“Good,” you smile, brushing the hair from his face and pressing a kiss to his temple. His nose nuzzles in the crook of your neck, his lips stick to your own damp skin. “Good boy. So good for me.” He whines lightly, worse when you rub his tip. “I just need you to do one more thing for me now, okay? Can you do that?”

He looks at you with glossy eyes. “Yes. Anything.”

You smile gently, your face unchanging as you simply say, “Apologize.”

His brows pull together. A tear rolls down the side of his face. “I did.”

You shake your head. “No,” you squeeze his base, “you said you're sorry, and that you were wrong.” He sighs shakily. “I want an apology. A good one. What did you do? Why did you do it? Why won't you be doing it again?”

He whimpers when you tickle his balls with your fingertips, pulling your hand away to watch his face scrunch up discontentedly before continuing again.

“C’mon, baby,” you encourage.

“I-I’m sorry for saying I don't n-need you,” he stammers. “I do. I thought I knew everything, but I don't. And-and–”

You raise your brows. “And what, Spencer?”

“And I won't do it again because–” His words are interrupted by a moan when you tug on his cock.

“Because what, huh?”

He places his hand on your cheek, gazing up at you with teary eyes and a face red as cherries. “Because I need you. Because I love you. Please, I love you.”

Your hand stops entirely, looking upon him with softened eyes and a gentle face. You bend down to whisper against his lips. “You promise?”

“I promise,” he breathes. “Fuck, I love you.”

You set a hand on his cheek, brushing your thumb over the reddened skin and easing hair from his face. His face is so warm, he's burning beneath your palm. “I love you, too, Spencer,” you smile. He hums into your mouth as you kiss him, leaning into you and your warmth. He missed you so much.

“See?” You cup his neck in your hands, cradling him in your palms as you look over him. “That wasn't so hard, now was it?” You kiss him again, but he's shaking beneath you. You hover above him, straddling his lap and placing a hand on his chest.

“You ready?”

“Yes!” he exclaims, grabbing at your sides and letting his hands feel your hot skin. “Yes, please.” He starts to ramble again.

“Shh. It's okay, it's okay,” you whisper against his lips.

You line his cock with your pussy, almost as needy as him as you anticipate the feeling. You sink down on him, and you're so dreadfully wet and aching that he slips right in with ease.

You both moan, long and deep sounds that reverberate in your chests. Your eyes fall shut, your folds flutter around him, your mouth parts. A gentle curse falls from your lips, and Spencer is glad he isn't the only one who needed this so bad.

He sits deep inside of you, filling you to the brim with his cock. He's so hard, you can feel him pulsing inside of you. His hands take hold of your waist and squeeze so hard that you think you'll bruise. You clench around him and try to keep your breath steady.

He really needs you to stay focused right now, you know it. You set your hands on his belly, holding his close as you slowly begin to grind yourself in him.

He really isn't going to last long. You've been teasing him for the better part of ten or fifteen minutes, pulling him to the edge just to ease it and watch him suffer. You'll be surprised if he holds out the first minute.

“That’s it, baby,” you sigh, your voice a little pitchy with your own pleasure. He grasps your hips and guides you a bit as you roll your hips steadily atop him. Your gentleness only lasts a moment. In the next, you're grinding atop him like you’re the one who's been trapped in the house all day begging for an Alpha to come help you.

Your sounds mix with his, almost as pitiful as you both whine and moan, blinded by the pleasure finally being awarded to you.

Spencer's head tosses back into the pillows. He clenches his jaw and tries to stifle his moan as he holds your hips down on top of him. You grip his shoulders, gasping as he cums inside of you. He moans your name, grabbing at flesh like he's kneading dough.

You shush him gently, easing your pace just enough to let him come down. Once his breaths settle down, you kiss him as you start again.

If there's one thing you love about this time of the month, it's how fast Spencer recovers. He can go for rounds and rounds at a time before he needs to rest.

You pick up Spencer's hand, guiding it to your belly as you press his palm into you. “You feel that?” you mutter, adjusting his hand. “That's you. That's you inside me. You're so—Ah!—so fucking deep, baby. Making me feel so good.”

He huffs, thrusting up into you suddenly. He laughs a little when he feels the way it moves, hears the way you moan. “It's perfect. You're perfect,” he rambles. He buries his head in the pillows.

When his dull nails dig into your skin again, you take his hands and pin his wrists above his head. He gasps and moans as you fuck him, riding him with all the vigor you have.

“You like that?” you huff, your control slipping with every roll of your hips. “This feel better?”

“Yes!” He's a mess, laying there and letting you ride him. “Yes, so much better.”

You can feel some of his cum leaking out of you, joining your arousal and making the schelp! of your thrusts easy. It soaks your thighs and his waist, creating this loud smacking sound that fills the bedroom.

Holding both his wrists in one hand isn't easy but it's manageable as you bring your hand to your clit, rubbing fast circles that immediately spur you on.

“Fuck,” you huff. “Spence, I'm gonna cum.” He answers you by thrusting his hips up some more, meeting your thighs as you come down.

Your legs shake as you cum, your cunt fluttering and gushing around him. One of your hands slips under his head to pull at his hair, enjoying the way he gasps. You attach your mouth to his throat, biting and sucking and licking.

It's like that for a while. It gets really wet and really loud. You ride Spencer for a while, holding him and kissing him and biting him while you both keep coming undone, moaning and gasping each other's names and grabbing at limbs to keep you steady.

Spencer is trembling beneath you. He's a complete mess, grabbing at your thighs and bucking his hips up to meet yours. His hair is all over his face, you keep having to brush it away. You praise him with every roll of your hips, grinding down on him and telling him how good he's doing. He whimpers every time you do.

The dynamics are always so different during heats like this. Spencer requires your lead, and you enjoy taking it. But when things are normal, when the need isn't so high, it's not so desperate.

That's not what this is. It's a raw feeling that sits in the pit of your stomach and demands attention as you hold Spencer down by his throat and sink your teeth into his flesh as you shudder around him in the middle of another orgasm (which makes him lose it and cum inside of you again).

You look at him as you settle again, catching your breath as you move slowly on top of him. His eyes are glossy, he's beet red. He looks so precious. His hand reaches up to cup your breasts, grazing the pad of his thumb over your nipple.

“Better?” you breathe. “Does that feel better, honey?”

He nods, not fully present. “Yes.”

“Good. That's good.” You sigh, bending down to kiss him gently. “Can you do something for me, love?”

“Anything.”

You brace yourself, pulling yourself up from his lap as he slips out of you. He whines, bucking his hips up to meet you again. “Shh. It's okay.”

You're shaky as you sit down, reaching over to grab his cock. It looks better, but he's still hard. He's got a couple loads left in him. If you weren't in a rut, you don't know how you would be able to keep up.

“Go ahead and get on top of me, okay?” Your voice has lost some of its intensity, replaced with breathless gentleness. At this point, you're just trying to make sure Spencer is okay, and you're losing some of your energy to guide him on top.

You lean into the plush pillows, keeping your hips up as he sits up to follow. Spencer grabs your hips gently, guiding himself inside of you once again as he presses his chest into your back.

You groan into the pillow when he thrusts, reaching one hand to card through his hair and setting the other palm up for him to hold. Spencer buries his face into your neck, kissing you needily as one of his hands plays with your breast. “Do whatever you want, I'm okay,” you whisper, clenching around him. The rock of his hips becomes insistent. He thrusts into you in quick movements, though not as rough in fear of hurting you. 

“It's okay, baby,” you breathe again. He whines, squeezing your hand a little tighter. He listens anyway, adjusting his pace as his hips snap into yours, reaching deep and groaning with every thrust. You moan, pressing your face into the pillow. “Good, just like that.”

Spencer lets go, rocking back and forth and moaning and grabbing. He holds you carefully as he fucks you recklessly, enjoying the shudder and the swell of his body when he cums.

His fingers find your clit, and he rubs at it as he continues to thrust. He rubs tight circles, coaxing the frayed nerves with every intention of making you feel as good as he does. He kisses the back of your neck, he grinds his hips deep inside of you.

You hear the way his breath starts to rise again, the way his hips stutter once more. You grip his hair a little tighter, clenching around him and huffing when your own edge starts nipping at you.

“Baby,” he whines. “M’so close. Almost there.”

“C’mon, honey.” Your voice is a whisper muffled by the pillows. “C’mon, c’mon. I got you, c’mon.”

He flicks his wrist, and you gasp. Everything is covered in a white haze as you clench and gush around him. Spencer moans weakly, burying himself deep inside, pushing forward against you just to get closer. With a final thrust, he spills inside of you with the most dreadful sound, filling you to the brim with the warmth of his cum.

Spencer wraps his arms around your midsection, keeping you close to him and sticking together with sweat and warmth.

He rolls onto his side, taking you with him. He's still buried inside of you, refusing to pull out just yet as he lays there, catching his breath. You lay there, resting against the bed and enjoying the warmth of his body against yours. You don't know how many times he came, but you do know that if you weren't so dedicated to your medications, there is no earthly way you would come out of this without being bred.

It takes a while for Spencer to fully come back around. By the way his breath slows and his arms hold you, you'd say he'd fallen asleep for a moment. You don't blame him, you've dazed out a couple times as well.

When he comes to, he presses his lips to your skin. “Baby?” he mumbles, slipping out of you on the way to look at your face. Your eyes are closed, and you look tired. “Are you okay?”

You nod, smiling a little when you feel the way some of the stickiness is spilling out of you. “Mhm,” you hum lazily. You turn over in his arms, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your cheek against his chest. He's forced to move his arms to sit over your shoulders. He doesn't mind.

“I missed you today, Spence,” you whisper. “Fuck, I thought I was gonna die.”

He hums, smiling a bit. He kisses your forehead, petting you gently. It takes a long time for him to move, to bear to pull away from you just to stand and go to the bathroom. He comes back with a cloth that he uses so carefully to clean the both of you up with. You're absolutely stuffed.

You drape an arm over your eyes, sighing heavily. “Next time this happens, we stay inside.”

“Agreed.”

You stuck your pinky out, and he interlocks his with a smile. He goes back to the bathroom to rinse off the cloth.

You sit up, leaning into Spencer when he comes back to the bedroom, sitting next to you with an arm around your waist. He really must have missed you because he buries his face in the crook of your neck and stays there.

After a while, you hear his stomach growl. It's this deep, monstrous sound that pulls you away from him.

You look at him expectantly, standing up and taking his face in your hands. “When was the last time you ate?” Spencer blushes, glancing away from you. You sigh, though not unkindly. “You haven't eaten today.”

He swallows thickly. “I was focused on other things.”

You chuckle lightly, kissing his forehead. “C’mon. Let's get you fed.”

You go to pull him with you, but he squeezes your hand. You return to his grasp. “I can do it.” His arms wrap around you and hold you tight so you can't escape.

“Hush,” you tap his nose. “I'll cook, we'll eat.”

He considers this for a moment. “Can we have sex after?”

You laugh, guiding his face to your chest as you tuck your chin over his head. You stroke his back. “You're so needy,” you laugh giddily.

He hums. “Sorry.”

A sour feeling threatens to curl in your belly. You pull him away to look at his face. He looks a little sad. “You have nothing to be sorry about,” you tell him, soft but firm. “Nothing.”

His brows furrow slightly. “But you said–”

“I wasn't upset with you. I was just playing it out for you.” You stroke your thumb over the apple of his cheek. You could never be upset with your Spencer.

He pouts now. You can't help but giggle at the way he looks, lips pursed and brows furrowed. He's silly, you think. “That was mean.”

You shrug. “You like when I'm mean to you.”

“I know.”

You pull him in and kiss him again. He's insistent on pulling close, always insistent. “I love you,” you whisper against his lips.

His voice is so small, so gentle. You taste his love on his tongue. “I love you, too.”

He brings you back in, and you slot your lips along his neck. He tilts his chin up to give you space. You kiss and suck at his skin, knocking his chin up some more as you find a nice spot beneath his ear.

Spencer hums when you bite him, sinking teeth into flesh to lay claim to him once again. His hands tighten around your waist. You feel his tired length bob against your thigh. He's yours. He'll always be yours.

When you kiss it better, Spencer dips his lips to your neck to do the same.

“Now let's go eat,” you smile, running your hands through his hair affectionately. You make him stand, tucking yourself into his side. You both need the support. “I'll make you whatever you want.”

He sounds almost pleading when he asks you. “And then sex?”

You chuckle heftily. “Of course we're gonna sex again.” He smiles excitedly.

~

You both return to work the day after the next day. You had to call off when you woke up with Spencer's head between your legs. You'd both mentally prepared yourselves in the car beforehand for the stares you were going to get from the team.

You walk inside next to Spencer, standing so close to him that it's no wonder they all immediately smirked at you. Even worse, Morgan is sitting on your desk.

“Nice outfit,” Emily points out, gesturing to Spencer in his purple turtleneck. He had to hide his blush, and you know he wished he could hide it in your neck.

“Thanks,” he mumbles. She glances at you, raising her brows expectantly. When you gave her a very small, very brief thumbs up by your side, she made a little “yes” as she spun back around to her desk. She sticks her hand out to JJ, who grumbles as she opens her wallet.

“You're lookin’ good kid. Guess you're all healed up now?” Morgan quips. When Spencer comes to his desk, which sits right across from you, the man whistles. “You're smellin’ ‎good.”

Yes. Spencer smells like you. He smells exceedingly like you. You'd spent a full day wrapped up in each other, and you'd bitten him more times than you can count. (Spencer could count. He'd say twelve times. It was eleven, but you bit him before you left the house. He's not at all upset by it.)

“I see the brains and the brawns have returned.” Rossi walks in with a newspaper under his arm, and Penelope at his side.

You roll your eyes, shooing Morgan away so you can sit down. Penelope shuffles up to you and bends down to whisper in your ear. “Did one of you cry?”

You purse your lips, considering for a moment before nodding with a stifled grin. “Yes! I was right,” she whispers.

“How was your fever?” Morgan nudges Spencer, whose mouth opens and shuts in a struggle to respond. He glances at you for help.

“Spence, how many files do you have on your desk?”

Without looking down, he answers. “Thirty-one.”

“Wow! And I have…” You look down.

“Forty-four.” Christ.

“Forty-four,” you repeat. “So I think we should get to work, huh?” Spencer nods enthusiastically.

Morgan chuckles, holding his hands up in defense as he backs away. “Okay, I get it. You get to work, little lovebirds.”

“Glad to have you back.” Penelope hugs Spencer. A look flashes across her face when she catches a whiff of his hair. She looks at you, covers her grin, and then rushes to join Derek.

Everyone decides to leave you alone. You've started turning on your computer when Spencer stands and reaches across your desk. He picks up eight of your files and sits back down with them added to his stack. When you go to reach for a couple to even it out, he lightly smacks your hand without even looking.

You roll your eyes, smiling at your screen as you tap in your password.

Criminal Minds taglist: @queermaxwooo @mdanon027 @lilianhallee @hpstuff244444 @thegr8estpuff @niktwazny303 @bubbles2300 @hiireadstuff @chloelmao67 @feyresqueen @hbwrelic @princess76179 @hc-geralt-23 Dr. Reid taglist: @swwanlake Tag yourself here...

[futuremrscameron]

biker!pogue reader x rafe

content warnings: rafe is his own warning honestly, mentions of drugs/drug abuse, heavily implied mental illness, mentions of child abuse, referenced murder, stalking, frued level mommy issues, blood, physical violence, abandonment issues, rafe is a freak, toxic relationships, smut, ignoring red flags for a hot man, dubious age gap (not between biker!pogue and rafe)

______________________________________________________________

she’s jj’s role model/surrogate older sister (the pogues love her too)

lived in obx her whole life before moving to the mainland at 16 to become a professional motorcyclist. jj cried so hard that day but if you ask him about it he will deny deny deny.

she’s known him since he was a baby, often having to look after him when he found his way to the porch of his non-baby proofed home while luke was still sleeping off his hangover

her parents were very startled when she brought home a random white baby

"mommy look what i found?"

"what's that baby-"

while her parents are freaking out trying to contact luke through officers shoupe and sheriff peterkins she's playing peek-a-boo with a one year old jj.

after that incident she became his unofficial guardian, walking him to school, teaching him important life hacks like how to pick a lock (for when his bike or locker gets stuck or how he he uses it later for less legal activities)

gave him his first dirtbike and thought him how to ride it

her home is his home, a second place to stay while luke is on one of his benders or in a mood

she make sure he does his homework (not so great at that part)

only three years older than the jj and the pogues (jj doesn't realize how wild it is that a seven year old was walking his four year old self to school until he's like 13)

she's always wearing a leather jacket, always, she's got a shit ton of them

loooooooves racing. got a bicycle at 5, a dirt bike at 13, and a motorcycle at 14 (got it by working at a mechanic shop and pimping an old ride)

her parents weren’t too thrilled about her getting into racing and tried their best to keep her away from it but after she started working as a mechanic and staying out later and later they knew that giving her their blessing and safety rules was the best way to avoid the worst possible outcome

she loves jj more than anything in the world, more than racing but she would never tell him that cause she knows he’ll be so annoying about it.

an eleven year old jj follows her as she gets on her motorcycle and revs the engine. he puts and presses his hands together as he begs, “please please please please.”

“like hell jayj that’s no place for a kid, and isn’t it a school night?”

jj stayed over most of the time he basically lived with her. she often drove him to school before buying him his first dirt bike.

he pouts, “i promise i’ll get up in time please! pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssse.”

“fine!”

he grins and jumps up and down excitedly. “but you have to promise not to leave my side before the race and stay with bobby during.”

he groans dramatically, she tries not to coo and pinch his cheek. “awww come on!”

she crosses arms and muster up your best stern expression. “or i can have mom pick you up.”

he pouts. “fine.”

she’s sarcastic as hell like almost annoyingly so. can’t answer someone’s question without being sarcastic

she loves trashy tv (lifetime movies, tlc shows, etc, etc,)

gets arrested for street racing a lot

“c’mon sheriff peterkins you got the wrong girl.” she sits on the bench leans against the wall, pouting at the woman across from her.

the sheriff rolls her eyes. “save it, i already called your parents.”

all semblance of innocence is gone as she she stands up and rushes to the bars. “what the fuck!?”

“language!” shoupe calls from his office

also been arrested for fighting luke maybank

when she opened the door and saw jj with a black eye and busted lip she already knew. she marches towards the maybank residence, jj following close behind her. he's crying.

"please don't."

she stomps ahead, pace unrelenting not even waiting for jj's short twelve year-old legs to catch up. "go back home jj" she knocks on the door like a cop. the door opens. “what the fu-”

he’s on the floor before he can even blink.

she looks up at the failing light in her cell, now sporting a black eye herself. sheriff peterkins hangs up the phone and looks at her. she sighs. "i can't say that anyone feels bad for that man... but i'm sorry you had to do that."

biker!pogue doesn't say anything, just look down at her hands shaking. the reality of what she's done finally sinks in and her hands can't stop shaking. "he begged me not to and i did it anyway. he told me to stop." she looks down at her hands on her lap. they're still bloody and bruised. it's not hers. "how am i any better than him?" she cries, hands over her mouth to cover her sobs. "i made it worse. god i- he's gonna hurt him because of me." sheriff peterkins gets up from her chair, "now that is not true. you don’t know that and what he does is not on you. do you hear me? it’s not your fault."

"but it is!" she cries, body curling in on itself as she sobs. sheriff peterkins frowns, her heart aches for the girl, guilt eats at her but there's nothing she can do to ease her pain.

on a happier note, shes queer!

her gay awakening was mercedes varnado

her and jj LOVE wrestling. he would come over and watch it with her all the time

they’d talk about the cool moves and costumes and she stared at mercedes for longer than she found out was “normal” for straight girls

jj’s the first person she comes out to

she was scared he would look at her different or not wanna be around her anymore

she was only seventeen when she took him to a diner. they drank milkshakes and talked about everything from school to what new half illegal the pogues were up to.

“sounds cool baby bird.” he blushes at the childish nickname, “come on i’m not a kid anymore.” she pouts, “come on you’ll always be my baby bird.”

“yeah but i’m like a teenager now you know. it’ll ruin my street cred.”

she bites her lip trying to hold in a laugh. “of course. i won’t call you that anymore.”

“no! i mean…” he toys with his straw suddenly very interested in his empty glass. she knows he tends to avoid eye contact when stressed. she read online that it’s a trauma response. her hand balls into a fist at the thought of that man.

“i like it i just mean you know it would be kept for when it’s just us.”

her heart squeezes at the sight of boy before her. he’s become so emotionally mature these days, shes thankful that he’s not showing signs of being an asshole like hiss dad. he’s grown up so much, he used to only come up to her waist but now they’re the same height.

she smiles, “totally.” he grins, proud of this huge accomplishment that she knows he’s probably spent days rehearsing how to bring it up to her.

“um speaking of i um actually brought you here to tell you something important. i was a little scared if i’m being honest.” she chuckles but jj sees through her tough exterior. she hates/loves that he can.

he holds her hand, “you know you can tell me anything.”

she nods, “yeah um gosh this shouldn’t be so hard.” she chuckles nervously. “um-” she meets his eyes. “jj. i’m…gay”

he looks shocked. “oh.”

she feels her stomach twist. “good oh or bad oh?”

“good oh. sorry didn’t mean to scare you i’m glad you told me. i love you all that stuff.” she laughs at his attempt as casualness. “so you don’t like guys?” she shakes her head, “no i do i just also like girls.”

he looks shocked, “you can do that!?” she laughs, “yeah bud you can do that.” he nods. “cool.”

he looks deep in thought and she smiles. she debates telling him but decided not to. he’s a smart kid he’ll figure it out soon.

she and rafe are exes (kind of)

they officially met during one of the boneyard parties. the key word is “officially”, they’ve seen each other around before but never officially met until later (pre-s1)

one spilled drink on her shirt leads to a conversation which leads to them making out in his car. they’re a bundle of hands and kisses, she’s on his lap alternating between biting his lip and kissing his neck. he pulls back first to admire her. the moonlight seems extra bright that night, illuminating her in the car. no one can tell rafe that it’s not a sign that she’s an angel (despite her personality).

“you’re beautiful. you don’t know how long i’ve been thinking about this. you. i’ve seen you race. you’re so beautiful.” she presses a finger to his lip.

“rafe.”

“yeah?”

“shut up and kiss me.”

“okay.”

their height difference is perfect. he’s 6’2, she’s 5’0. i love a good height difference idc idc. especially if it’s a tiny girl who talks like she’s a giant.

it was love at first sight for rafe

the final bell had rung throughout kildare academy, ushering in summer break. rafe rushed out of his class, his bag already packed and on his back. he ran past teachers and students alike, not bothering to say excuse me. he ignores sarah’s call for him to watch where he’s going and be considerate of others. he laughs as he collides with his two best friends, kelce and topper.

one outside they hear the revving of a motorcycle. the rider comes into view as they stop in front of the sidewalk. the biker parks and gets off, leaning against the bike like they’re waiting for someone.

kelce whistles at the mystery figure, topper looks confused, and rafe is intrigued.

“kelce, you don’t even know if it’s a girl.”

“are you kidding me? look at that figure.”

“okay well they’re on private property.”

“they’re on the sidewalk top.”

“yeah but-”

rafe ignores the duo, still entranced by the biker. they’re all brought back to reality when kiara, a former pogue and sarah’s newest friend, brushes past them.

topper frowns and calls after her, “hey watch where you’re going kie!”

she doesn’t even look back as she flicks him off “fuck off top you have no room to talk!”

a nearby teacher calls for her to watch her language but she’s already at the sidewalk and hugging the motorcyclist.

someone nearby says what rafe’s thinking, “kie knows her?” he’s so intrigued he might see if sarah knows anything. a mini crowd has formed while other pass them to head home or to the beach for the summer.

kiara backs up and the helmet comes off. a girl.

“i told you she’s a girl. pay up.”

“we didn’t bet asshole.”

the same teacher tells topper to watch his language.

her deep brown skin is flushed from the summer heat and being trapped under that helmet for god knows how long. her micro braids are up in a clip safe for a few strands. she smiles at kiara with all the fondness of a long lost friend. rafe finds himself wishing he was on the receiving end of that radiant smile. she’s rubs kiara’s arms and frowns as she says something he can’t quite make out before taking off her leather jacket and puts it over kiara’s shoulders. ‘a leather jacket in this weather?’ rafe decides she’s insane, beautiful but insane. with the leather jacket off he can finally see her arms and he feels faint. her arms. his eyes scan further down to her chest sweat cascading down and sitting in the space between her-

“hello! earth to rafe!” sarah’s voice breaks him out of his leering.

he rolls his eyes trying to see the pretty motorcyclist behind his sister who's blocking the view. he catches one last glimpse of them before they speed off.

he sighs and drags his hand across his face, "i already know where this is going and the answer's no." he pushes past her and heads to (ward's) his car.

she follows after him ranting about how important it is that she doesn't miss the party from the moment they get in the car until they reach tannyhill.

if he asks about kiara's new friend with the motorcycle that's his business.

biker!pogue sees him when he pushes past her at barry’s

she parks in front of the familiar trailer and turns her engine off. she takes off the helmet and is hit by the overwhelming familar smell of weed.

"jesus christ." she mumbles as she places her helmet on the left handlebar. she adjusts her black and gray striped skirt and graphic tee crop top. maybe she’s wearing a push-up bra to get a better deal but that’s her business. the leather jacket doesn’t stick to her skin since it’s twice her size.

there's screaming from inside that grows louder as she gets closer. before she can knock the door whips open nearly hitting her in the face. 'fucking assholes.'

"hey you almost hit me with the door you di-" the word dies on her tongue when she sees a flustered, manic looking blonde. he's definitely a kook, the polo gives him away. he brushes his messy hair back and stops past her and gets on his dirt bike. they lock eyes one last time before he puts his helmet on and speeds away.

time stands still as she tries to piece together where she knows him from.

“yo princess peach!” she looks back to see barry looks down at her standing at his steps. she rolls her eyes at the nickname and enters the trailer.

“unhappy customer care bear?” he frowns at the nickname

he glares at her “how many times i gotta tell you to stop calling me that? fucks with my street cred.” she snorts and flops down on his couch, “i’ll stop when you stop calling me princess peach.”

he sits down next to her. “see that’s actually cute, and it fits. look at you with your pink fucking bike looking like a princess.”

she smiles, “flattery will get you nowhere barry.”

she stands up and walks to his stash, he shrugs. “worth a shot. what do you want?”

she looks through his stuff, “the usual. plus some info.”

he smirks, “info? you been watching too many cop shows peach. i ain’t a rat.” he lights joint and takes a hit as he watches her grab what she’s looking for.

“not ratting anyone out, just wanna know who that guy was. the one that stormed out of here.”

he frowns, “country club? ah don’t worry ‘bout him.”

she sits down next to him and grabs the joint from him before he takes another hit. she takes a hit, “he’s a kook bear, i don’t wanna see you go down for selling to some rich punk cause he mouthed off to you and you laced his shit.”

he throws his head back, “that was one fucking time.”

“i’m interested, what happened to your no kook rule. and what were you two screaming about.”

“he wanted some shit i didn’t have you know how it goes.”

she nods. “tale as old as time.” she takes another hit. “what was it?”

he looks at her and laughs, “damn nancy drew you want his social security too?” he takes the joint from her.

she rolls her eyes, “fuck you. i just know you don’t let anyone talk to you crazy so i thought he was someone special.”

he grins, “he’s got deep pockets aight? you done asking questions? you’re fuckin’ with my high.”

she stands up and takes off the leather jacket, throwing it at his face, “fuck you.” she leaves the trailer and gets on her bike.

“come back again soon!”

if you ask her she'll tell you she barely remembers him cause he made that little of an impact (liar)

their vibes are very much ‘me and my girl don’t argue she tells me to shut the fuck up and i listen’ and ‘my girl’s mad at me. hope i die.’

one of his worse crashouts was the first time she dumped him

jj came over as he usually does. he wanted it to be a surprise, she’d been working at the mechanic’s damn near every day. he came by with her favorite snacks and the dvd for the jersey shore’s first complete season. instead he’s met with rafe’s tongue down her throat.

“what the fuck!?”

“jayj!?”

“so should i go or?”

jj chases a half naked rafe across the backyard.

you know that episode in the boondocks when grandad gets addicted to weed and huey asks him to choose between weed and them and grandad without hesitation chooses weed? yeah that’s how their breakup went down.

birthed this iconic voicemail. she listens to it and laughs when she's feeling down

barry has to listen to rafe cry about how “that damn kid ruined it” and how he was gonna “really do it this time” after doing another line

he’s even more crushed when she leaves obx for the mainland to pursue her dream of becoming a famous racer

like he’s proud and happy for her but he’s absolutely crushed

“i mean i knew it was coming but i mean she just left!” he does another line. “didn’t even say goodbye like who the fuck does that? thought we had something you know?”

barry scratches his head, “so you gonna be here a while or…?”

she comes back to obx at the beginning of s2 when tensions between the pogues and kooks (mainly rafe) are at an all time high throwing rafe off his game even more

rafe finds out she’s back in town through sources (kelce) and immediately gets on his bike to go to her. ward is not happy with this especially since it’s right rafe said they should kill all the pogues who know what he did. he watches race switch gears and hop on his bike.

“rafe. rafe where they hell are you going!? we’re having a conversation right now.

rafe shakes his head and grins. “she’s back.”

“who? no. no, rafe-” ward knows how bad he got last time she was in the picture does not want history repressing itself. rafe revs the engine and puts on his helmet.

“i gotta go.”

ward steps up to him, placing a soft but firm hand on his chest. “no. hey! rafe no, you are already in deep shit i can’t protect you if you keep doing stupid shit.”

rafe knows he’s disappointing his father, it pains him but he wants to make it better. he can’t do that without her. “i’m sorry.”

rafe takes off.

“rafe! goddamit…”

she’s pissed when she finds out he’s been terrorizing jj and the pogues

rafe’s at the country club with kelce and topper when he sees her again for the first time. though their reunion did not go the way he envisioned it

she tells him if he ever lays a hand on jj again she’ll kill him (he nearly cums on the spot)

their arguments are awkward for third parties because they always go from screaming and angry to intense staring and close talking

he hears her before he sees her. "rafe!"

he perks up at the sound of her voice, at first he thinks it's the coke or his mind playing tricks on him but he hears it again. "rafe! i know you're in there asshole open up!"

barry opens the door and pulls her in. "goddamn girl! the fuck's the matter with you? banging on my door like fuckin' twelve at five in the fuckin' morning."

she tugs her arm out of his grip, "fuck you." she looks at rafe, her rage disappears as they lock eyes, replaced by grief.

“angel?” she stands in front of him, hands on her hips like a disappointed mother. “what the fuck rafe? you've been harassing jj and his friends again and don't try to deny it i know you have.”

“what?”

"don't play dumb either. i knew you were an asshole but what the fuck? you tried to kill sarah!"

he frowns at the mention of his sister. "no, no she provoked me."

"i don't give a fuck! she's your sister what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"what the fuck's wrong with me?" he stands up nearly knocking over the table, barry tells him to chill but he's not listening he gets in her face, "what the fuck's wrong with you? you just leave without saying goodbye and act like i don't exist when you come back? who does that?"

she doesn’t back then though his close proximity sends chills down her spine. “this isn’t about me.”

he chuckles but there’s no humor in his tone. “almost everything i do is about you.”

the two of them stare into each other's eyes, a mutual understanding between them, everything else falls into the background. barry’s just standing there like ‘🧍🏻‍♂️’ “so are we going or…”

speaking of the men in her life pissing her off, jj showing her his gun does not go own well

“what the hell is wrong with you!?” her arms are crossed, standing up and looking down at the boy in front of her. he doesn’t say anything. “that’s not a rhetorical question jj i actually wanna know.”

“you actually wanna know?”

“yes!”

“and why would you give a shit? huh!? you’re barely around!”

“that’s not fair jj.”

“no who’s not fair is you leaving me here! what’s not fair is you fucking hooking up with at psycho rafe cameron after all he’s done to us! what’s not fair is you trying to play big sister like nothing’s changed!”

“jj!”

he stands up and gets in her face, he’s no longer the little boy she walked to school. “i don’t need your lectures, i don’t need your advice, and i definitely don’t need you anymore.”

she feels her heart shatter into a million pieces as he walks away.

his two triggers are being called a murderer (true) and being told she would never love a monster like him

when he meets up with sarah at the dock she tells him that biker!pogue deserves better than him and how she hopes locking him away for what he’s done will help her realize that

she picks him up from jail when ward “dies”

he knows something’s wrong when he sees her. she throws her arms around his neck and hugs him tight.

“i’m so sorry rafe.” he wraps his arms around her waist on the ride home. she gives his hand a reassuring squeeze at every red light. by the time they reach tannyhill the last of the boat wreckage is being removed from the water.

“rafe?” wheezie stands at the sliding glass door holding herself up. "wheeze-" she runs over to him and hugs him, crying in his arms. he's taken by surprise but quickly adjusts, wrapping his hands around her.

rose comes looking for wheezie and finds the trio outside. rose sees biker!pogue and confusion flashes in her eyes, but it's quickly covered up by the pain of loss and disappears back into the house.

she ends up staying at tannyhill for "moral support"

"really i don’t wanna intrude.” rose chuckles as she brings in pillows to rafe's room, "please, the way rafe talks about you? you're practically family."

rafe and her have a much needed heart to heart

they lay side by side looking up at the ceiling. “i want you to stay." she looks at him. he's already looking at her. she brushes his cheek with her thumb, he leans into the touch. "i'll stay as long as you want." she gives him a soft smile. he stares at her for a minute, deliberating. he kisses her.

deep down she knows it's coming but it still catches her off-guard. she knows this won't help him. it will probably make him worse, but she does it anyway. she kisses him back. they're suddenly sitting up, both on their knees he shrinks himself so she's above him as he chases after her lips. her grip on his face is soft but firm, she pulls away first. “rafe."

he looks close to tears, "please.” he nuzzles against her hand, "i'll be good."

that breaks her heart. she nods, "you don't need to be with me."

he kisses her on the cheek. jaw. eye. neck. shoulder. wrist.

she cradles his face and kisses him deeply.

he moans. he's halfway in her lap as their kissing grows more frantic and heated. his hand moves down her shorts, she gasps.

"tell me i'm good."

she grips the sheer with one hand and his hair with the other. "you're so good rafe."

he speeds up his movement at that, making note of her shortness of breath and tightening grip. "yeah?" his breath is hot against her neck,

she nods and meets his gaze. "yeah." he kisses her again, her moans swallowed by him.

he likes it, keeping them for himself.

she grips his shoulder and shudders against him. they both breathe heavily. she looks at him looks down. he follows her line of sight. he looks back up, at her lips then meeting her eyes.

“you don’t have to-”

she pushes him down and straddles his hips. “be a good boy and stay quiet yeah?” he nods.

probably the closest he’s come to seeing heaven. (pun half intended)

she bumps into sarah in the kitchen that night

sarah jumps and nearly drops her glass when she turns around and sees biker pogue!reader behind her. she chuckles, "sorry, didn't mean to scare you." sarah shrugs, "not scared, just startled."

it's awkward. "um i just came for some water so." she grabs a bottle from the fridge and gives sarah one last parting glance. "i'm sorry for your loss."

sarah looks like she wants the floor to swallow her whole. like she's just been reminded of her father's grizzly death. 'great nice going' she thinks to herself. "sorry, again. um bye." she turns to leave and beats herself up for her awkwardness and poor choice of words. the idea of rafe's sisters not liking her makes her stomach feel weird.

"you should stay away from rafe." she stops in her tracks and turns around, "what?" sarah walks up to her slowly, "he's not a good person. you don't know him, the things he's done-" "

"i know." sarah backs up, eyes squinted and lips pursed like she's just been told aliens are real. "i know he killed sheriff peterkins, i know-" she swallows, "i know he tried to kill you."

sarah's face falls, she looks betrayed. "you know?"

biker pogue!reader reaches out to her but sarah pulls back. "sarah i'm sorry and i know he's unpredictable but-" sarah's voice rises, "then you know what he's capable of."

she nods, "i do." sarah shakes her head, "love makes us all stupid huh?" usually she would deny it but this time she says "yeah, yeah it does." sarah doesn't look angry or betrayed anymore. this time the look she gives her is one of pity and understanding. she hugs her, "be careful." she leaves her with much to think about.

she can't blame sarah for not wanting to be around rafe right now but she still feels

“sarah left. i’m trying to keep the family from falling apart she just- she doesn’t get it!” he’s yelling but she knows it’s not from rage but regret and heartbreak? how did they get here? did the resentment start?

“i don’t know how to make her get it i don’t know what to do.” he cries into his hands.

she rubs his shoulder, “hey she just needs some space, and that’s not your job. you’re trying your best. you’re a good guy rafe.”

he stares, to anyone else it would look cold but she knows he’s contemplating her words, struggling to believe them. he kisses her. she blinks slowly, “rafe…”

he pushes himself away from her walking to the other side of the room. “i’m sorry.”

she moves towards him. “hey no it’s fine i- i wanted you to kiss me.”

his eyebrows furrow, deeply confused. whether it’s by her acceptance of him or the kiss she doesn’t know. “you did?”

“i mean it’s probably a bad time now but yeah i’ve been wanting to kiss you since i got back.”

he nods stiffly and leaves the room. she’s left standing there more confused than ever.

when he’s working with lambry and her brother biker!pogue notices that he’s slightly more put together and while she wants to know why she doesn’t wanna pressure him into telling her

she’s in his room chilling when he comes bursting in telling her he has the cross

“that’s not all is there?” he hates that she knows him so well, he shakes his head and sniffs. “no uh no there’s more.”

she nods, “okay, do you wanna tell me?”

he shakes his head, “i’m scared you’ll look at me differently.”

“i highly doubt that, i know a lot of shit about you and none of it has scared me away.”

he looks at her like she’s just told him she’s found atlantis. he’s trying to compute why she does. why stay with him when he’s like this? he needs to know. “you won’t after this?” he grabs her by the wrist and pulls her off the bed dragging her outside to the truck.

“rafe what is your problem!” she knows it’s not coke, last he used was the day after ward’s death when he came to her with his theory about rose hiding something. “you’ll see.” he opens the truck and she sees the body, she almost falls to the ground.

“wh- what is this? what- where’s that lady is- wait this is-”

“the guy that was here the other day.” she looks at him, there’s no fear in her eyes but shock and confusion. “you didn’t do it.”

he tilts his head, “why do you think that?” she looks at the body again, “i don’t know. you seem more disturbed by this than peterkins. it’s not adrenaline though it’s… was it her?”

he’s always amazed by how smart she is. he nods. “okay.”

she hears screaming coming from downstairs and by the time she gets there she sees sarah in a chair passing out

she runs to her, pushing rose out of the way to check on her. “sarah? sarah honey answer me.” she looks back at rose and rafe, disgust and anger in her eyes as she cries. “what did you do?”

rose reaches out to her but her hand is quickly slapped away. “you drugged your own daughter?” rose has the decency to look ashamed while rafe just stares unflinching in his resolve. she turns to rafe, “it’s not too late you can still stop this you can do the right thing-”

rafe turns to rose, “take her to the car, i’ll clean it up.” rose nods while biker!pogue looks at him, “clean it up? rafe that’s a person! you can’t just-” suddenly there’s a pinch feeling in her neck. she turns to rose who’s holding a needle.

she looks remorseful but that doesn’t change anything.

biker!pogue sluggishly turns to rafe, “you dick.” she tries to swing at him but is too slow. he catches her before she falls and sits her gently on the chair across from sarah.

“i’m sorry. i hope you can forgive me.” she blinks twice before she’s consumed by darkness.

when she wakes up on the ship and sees ward she thinks she's dead

she hears about their plan with the cross and thinks it's idiotic

"rafe your dad faked his death, rose fucking drugged me and sarah, and wheezie's scared out of her fucking mind. nothing about any this is normal!"

“this just makes you look worse cause you know all this and you’re still dating me.”

“bitch!?”

he's right though

rafe refuses to let her come with him when they're lured to that room and tells her to stay put

"fuck you i'm coming with you!"

"like hell you are!"

"rafe-"

"i need you to stay here, watch over wheezie." she frowns, not liking the thought of leaving him but understanding him. she nods.

he kisses her forehead and leaves.

she doesn't listen, which is how she finds herself on the upper deck leaning over the railing looking down at kiara and jj fighting off a hired soldier

she sees jj fall overboard and it breaks her

she thinks she screams but it’s hard to tell with her ears ringing. kiara immediately jumps after him and she finds herself loving the girl even more. she runs down to the deck, the man that hurt jj is still on the floor getting his barring back from that kick to the chest kiara delivered. she punches him in the face and he's back down.

she stomps on his wrist, the one holding the machete. "you like beating up on kids? huh!? makes you feel big and bad?" she doesn't wait for a reply, she kicks him in the side once, twice, three times. while he’s dissociated and groaning in pain she grabs the machete and repeatedly brings it down in a blind rage. over and over and over. blood splashes on her face, jolting her back to reality.

she sits there and for what feels like forever

rafe finds her after what feels like forever. she jumps at first before she realizes it’s him. he holds her shoulders softly holding her against his chest.

he hold her at arms length getting a good look at her. he looks at her hands. she balls them into fists. “they’re not mine.” she doesn’t meet his eyes, staring ahead at nothing.

“i know. i don’t care about any of that though i’m just happy you’re okay.” he hugs her. “i thought i lost you.”

he keeps talking but all she can make out is "cross" "pogues" and “alive”.

she looks down at her hands. they're bloody and bruised but they don't shake. rafe holds them in his hands, “hey it’s okay. you’re okay.” she shakes her head, letting out a mumbled whine

“i was angry.” her voice comes out shaky. “my-my body just…. moved.”

“whatever he did the fucker had it coming.”

she looks up at him and stares like she’s finally seeing him for the first time. “no-”

“he hurt you didn’t he?”

she shakes her head, troubled by his deduction. “he hurt jj.”

“like i said, deserved.”

she pushes him away, “they were right about you. you’re dangerous. you’re not even fucking flinching at the sight of- of a- a fucking dead guy. how could you look at me like i’m-i’m-” an angel. “i killed someone rafe! do you get that!? i’m a monster!”

“hey!” he snaps gaining the attention of his family and some workers.

he lowers his voice, “don’t say that okay? you’re not a monster. you did something a lot of people would do in the same situation.”

she shakes her head “no.”

he nods, “yes, hey!” he grips her face, stop shaking your head it’s true. now you listen to me, you’re a good person okay? this, this moment doesn’t represent you. doesn’t change shit so don’t go wasting your tears on him okay?”

she nods, sobs turning to sniffling. he brings her in for a hug, she cries into his chest. he looks up and sees rose staring down at them in shock and fear. he holds her closer and kisses her head. “it’s okay. i’ll protect you.”

three nights later the boat is close to shore when he realizes there is actually something that could be the final nail in their relationship (a kryptonite)

they’re lying in bed she’s facing away from him but his arms are wrapped around her waist.

“if jj's dead i'll never forgive you." he stills and looks at her back. he kisses her shoulder. he knows she means it.

things are tense between them until he gets back from singh

she’s patching him up when he tells her about his journey and the pogues being alive

“jj’s alive.”

she stops sewing. “how do you know?”

he grimaces from the pain of the last sew and pull, “kiara was there. we escaped together and she fucking pushed me overboard and stole my boat to save her scooby doo gang.”

she smiles at this, “smart girl.”

he frowns, “whose side are you on?”

“stop frowning your face will get stuck like that.”

when jj comes back to obx their reunion is a tearful one.

she hugs him so tight eyes wide as takes in his scent. she pulls back first to get a good look at him, checking him for any injuries. he smiles, "i know." she knocks her forehead against his, "don't do anything stupid like that again." he lets out a wet laugh, "no promises."

one of the reasons biker!pogue "ignores" his red flags is that he’s unfortunately a good boyfriend (if you don’t look to deeply)

he bought her a diamond encrusted lighter for her birthday

with some of the money he owed barry

he got her a necklace with the letter 'R' so that he’s “always close to her heart”

it’s only after their second breakup that she finds out it’s a tracker

biker!pogue after pulling up to the country club: i’m not a fucking dog rafe! so what the fuck possessed you to put fucking tracker on me!

kelce and topper: i’m sorry what?

after their second breakup caused by rafe melting the cross he became in her words “more annoying” (dear reader he was stalking her)

“rafe! i know you’re in there open the fuck up!”

rafe starts coughing uncontrollably. barry pats his back while staring at him in disgust and an undertook of concern. “yo chill man it’s just princess peach. yo peach! calm down yeah-” rafe covers his mouth. barry pushes his hand away. “the fuck’s wrong with you man all that coke finally fuck up your head!?”

rafe glares at him “i didn’t want her to know anyone’s here much less me and your dumbass ruined that!”

“first off you’re not gonna call me a dumbass in my home, and second who’s the real dumbass, the man that didn’t know there was beef between you two and said what’s up to an old friend? or the man who doesn’t want to be found and came to the place everyone knows he hangs at?”

rafe frowns, “well when you put it like that-”

“you look dumb as hell? yeah i know.” he gets up and move stop the door. rafe starts freaking out grabbing at his hand. “what are you doing!?” “calm down man. i’m serious act like you got some sense or i’m kicking you the fuck out.”

“barry i know you’re in there!”

barry sighs, “i’m comin’ peach.”

“don’t fucking answer her!?” rafe whisper yells from his hiding spot behind the couch’s left arm.

barry stares him down, trying to figure out when he made thee move from his couch to that corner and how he didn’t make any noise. “look country club whatever you did to makes her mad you probably deserve.”

“don’t!”

barry opens the door and is met with a smiling biker!pogue. “thank you bear.” she turns her attention to a poorly hidden rafe. “rafe cameron what the fuck problem? is it the coke? you wanna die? i’m just tryna figure out what made you lose your goddamn mind and put a fucking tracker on my bike.”

rafe stands up and sits on the couch like a scorned child. barry’s mouth falls open in shock, “a tracker man? what the fuck? why not just call her!”

“we broke up.”

“she blocked me on everything.”

the exes stare at each other for a couple seconds. barry clears his throat, very uncomfortable with the tension.

rafe crosses his arms, “how’d you find it?”

she sends him a knowing look.

he scoffs and scratches at his upper lip. pope. that fucking pogue.”

“hey! watch it! i’m not your concern anymore. i don’t need to give you updates on my location and you have no right to put a fucking tracker on me.”

he stands up and steps up to her. “how else am i supposed to protect you?”

barry tries to make space between them, “woah okay man how bout we all chill?”

biker!pogue scoffs and steps closer, “no fuck that. what part of ‘we’re done.’ did you not get?”

rafe pretends to think of an answer, lips pursed and furrowed brows. “um the part where it’s fucking stupid cause i didn’t even do anything.”

she points a manicured finger in his face. “you know what you fucking did rafe!”

“why do you always take their side?” the veins in rafe’s neck are bulging.

“oh where we go again!”

barry wonders if this is what his friends feel like whenever they break up a fight between him and a customer. or him and anyone.

rafe chuckles, “yeah here we go again because your last answer was bullshit!”

he spits out ‘bullshit’ like it’s acid on his tongue. she steps forward not quite getting in his face but pointing up at him.

“fuck you cameron i don’t owe you shit!”

he leans down, matching her glare. “the fuck you don’t!”

her eyes widen at his audacity. she gets closer but there’s basically no room between them at this point. “excuse me!”

barry grabs his keys. “i’m gonna go.” they don’t hear him over their yelling but he still tries his best to make as little noise as possible while leaving the trailer.

when he comes back two hours later he finds their clothes all over the floor leading to his bedroom. he opens the door and finds them cuddling. “yo not on my bed bro!”

biker!pogue is not any better unfortunately she matches his freak

they drunkenly make out in ward’s office stumbling around as they remove articles clothing. after a long night of stolen kisses, networking, and teasing they left the country club event early.

she puts some distance between them and backs up until she hits the desk. he moves like a lion stalking its prey, eyes trained on her, every step precise. he’s in front of her now, he grips the back of her neck and plants teasingly slow kisses from her neck to her shoulders.

he lifts her up onto the desk to get a better angle. she giggles at the action, “okay caveman.”

he lets out a him of agreement but doesn’t let up like adam after he tasted the forbidden fruit he wants more. she closes her eyes and grips his hair before pulling him away. he groans and pulls her against him. “tell me what to do.”

she smirks and slowly pushes him down to his knees.

he looks up at her as he kisses his way up each leg, moving the dress when it gets in his way.

he crumples up the dress, she frowns “hey this was thirty bucks.”

he rolls his eyes, “i’ll get you a new one. lord knows you need a better one.”

“excuse me!? i didn’t know this was dress to impress.”

he frowns, “i’m sorry.” he kisses her through her underwear, her breath hitches. “don’t be mad at me.” he gives a teasing lick, she groans and tightens her grip in his hair making him look up at her. “no teasing. be a good boy and show me you’re sorry.”

he smiles “yes ma’am.”

one time rafe comes to one of her races with a girl

the fucking audacity. they arrived just as the race was about to begin, he’s trying to throw her off her game and that’s one thing she won’t allow. she wins the race and makes a beeline to him and his girl. the way she kisses him is messy. teeth colliding, tongues clashing, spit down the chin, lip biting, and lots of moaning and groping. she's marking her territory.

she breaks the kiss and looks to their right where the girl once was. she looks at rafe, eyes wide with fake curiosity and innocence, "do you think it was something i said?"

he laughs and pulls her close, hands on her waist. he bends down and whispers against her hair, "feel better?"

she shakes her head, "not yet."

he knows it’s going to be a long night.

rafe and jj are jealous of the other “taking all her time away from them”

she thinks rafe’s jealousy is worse (and she's right he's a grown man jealous of a child)

“you gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“do i look like i’m joking?” he crosses his arms and flares like thats supposed to spook her

“you look like a dumbass and you sound like an idiot. you’re jealous of jj!? jj’s my brother you asshole!”

“he’s clingy and he knows when we’re together and that’s when he chooses to call!

“he needs me!”

“he’s needy!”

“he’s a kid!”

“please! he’s been around the fucking world and survived being shot at!”

“that’s not a normal thing to happen for a boy his age rafe! he needs a strong support system!”

“what about me? what about the help i need!?”

“do not start that with that bullshit! i am constantly helping you in on your side even when i probably shouldn’t be!”

jj is just as bad as rafe but he’s more pouty about it and she can’t stay mad at him for long when he looks so cute

he slashed rafe’s tires and was caught in the act by one other than biker!pogue. he’s thankful because if he was found by anyone else he’d be in jail or six feet under. though he would prefer death than the disappointed look being sent his way.

“please say something.”

“i’m shocked. i have no words. what were you thinking?”

“i was thinking ‘fuck rafe cameron’.”

“jj!”

“he’s been taking up all your time and he’s a dick.”

“jj, just cause i’m with rafe doesn’t mean i don’t love you. and i’m sorry, you’re right i have been neglecting you a bit.”

“i know i cause more problems than i’m worth but please, please don’t hate me.”

his pout tugs at her heartstrings, she melts.

“oh jayj.” she hugs him. “i could never hate you.” she rubs his hair while his face against her stomach. “i love you baby bird.”

he smirks against her stomach, “i love you too.”

rafe’s just standing there like 🧍🏼

they probably shouldn’t be together but being apart is worse

they cannot survive separation

she’s patching him up when he tells her about his journey and the pogues being alive

“jj’s alive.”

she stops sewing. “how do you know?”

he grimaces from the pain of the last sew and pull, “kiara was there. we escaped together and she fucking pushed me overboard and stole my boat to save her scooby doo gang.”

she smiles at this, “smart girl.”

he frowns, “whose side are you on?”

“stop frowning your face will get stuck like that.”

she’s kind of his conscious (it’s why he has her saved in his phone as ‘angel🥰’)

convinced him not to kill his dad

they’re on his bed watching reruns of the real housewives of atlanta when he brings up his predicament. he’s lying in her lap tracing her thigh as she runs her hands through his hair.

“there’s something i need to do… but i’m afraid it’ll hurt someone i love in the process.”

she pauses the episode as looks down at the man in her lap. “well i’d say do what’s best for your state of mind. if the thought of that person getting hurt isn’t enough to outweigh the risks. doesn’t make you a bad person. just consider how you’d sleep at night knowing you hurt them.”

he looks at her like she’s God™️

she’s beautiful. she’s beautiful and she doesn’t know that she just changed his life and saved his dad

the way she didn’t judge his question✅ she didn’t make him feel like a monster for not considering someone else’s as reason enough to care ✅ she ran her hands through his hair✅ his head was in her lap✅ she combined emotion and logic to give him an answer✅

he goes to her place immediately after dropping ward off at the runway

she’s in her jammies when she opens the door

rafe stands at the door looking like a pathetic wet dog. she’s smiling when she opens the door but it only takes one look at him for it to turn into a frown. rafe hates being the reason for it. “oh my god. come in, come in." she pulls him in and shuts the door behind her before immediately fussing over him, “you’re bleeding.”

“it’s not mine.”

she stares at him, waiting for him to elaborate. “my dad he- he got hurt.”

she nods. “is he gonna be okay?”

“i don’t know.”

she goes to the pogues’ ceremony after they find el dorado

rafe tags along because he can’t stand being away from her for more than an hour and cause he knows it’s important to her

“look at you! so handsome.” she pinches jj’s cheek and ruffles his hair.

he softly grabs her hand to stop the overload of affection though he secretly likes it. “come on you’re ruining my street cred and bad boy image.”

she laughs but nods, “of course wouldn’t want that.” she stares at him with adoration and fondness in her eyes. “i’m proud of you.”

he smiles, “thanks. actually couldn’t have done it without you.”

she scoffs, “please-”

“no really you- you’ve been my only family. i couldn’t have done this without you telling me that i am better than my dad and how smart i am and how i’m a good person, even if you’re wrong about that.”

“jayj…” she’s close to tears. he smiles “i love you.”

“i love you too.” they hug.

______________________________________________________________

i’ve been working on this for a minute i hope y’all liked it and if you did please comment like share yk i love feedback

[inez-winchester-cameron]

Just imagine getting new acrylics or press on ones and scratching jjs back accidentally in the middle of sex…he would totally love it as well 😭🙏

-🌻

cw: jj maybank x fem!reader, smut, lowkey fluffy too, caring bf jj, bro breaks the headboard

something jj consistently feels horrible about is his inability to buy you nice things. obviously, being from the cut makes his money limited and he doesn't get many opportunities to buy you nice things. but after helping Pope with a few deliveries, he comes home with a couple hundred bucks and wants to do something nice for you.

"what is it?" you ask, you eyes closed tight as jj leads you into his house. his dad isn't home, he made sure of that.

"just keep em' closed, princess," he responds and eventually he stops you, "okay open em."

on the table are three things, a bouquet of your favorite flowers, a teddy holding a giftcard to the nearest nail salon, and a bag of food from your favorite take out place. you squeal in excitement and throw your arms around jj's neck.

"thank you! thank you! you're the sweetest ever, j, i love you!!"

he just chuckles and wraps his arms around you in return.

-

jj loves the colors you picked for your acrylics, you don't get them often and you went for your favorite color this time with a few gemstones on various nails.

jj fucks you into the mattress, your pussy squeezing around his dick. his hands hold onto the headboard for leverage. desperate for some mercy, you wrap your arms around his neck.

"your so pretty, baby..so fucking tight for me. have me worked up all the freaking time. look so pretty with your new nails, princess, wanna see them wrapped around my cock."

"oh- jj- fuck!" you moan out, as you unintentionally dig your nails into his shoulder.

"jesus fuck!" he cries out in response, gripping the headboard tighter and sub-sequentially cracking it in the process. he stops as the cracking noise fills his ears, worried he had hurt you, "princess? you okay?"

"did you just- how- why-"

"cause of you, baby," he mutters, realizing your not hurt. as he comes to this realization he starts thrusting again, slower this time, feeling the way he fills you up, "drives me insane when you dig your nails into me like that..just like when you pull my hair. maybe i'll keep giving you a reason to do those things, hm?"

[princessmaybank]

Crazy JJ Sex Dream

Pairings: JJ x Fem!Friend!reader

Warnings: MDNI, explaining wet dreams

Summary: JJ hearing that you had a wet dream about him that you were telling Sarah and Kiara about

Authors Note: I like cliffhangers if you can't tell! Let me know if you want a part 2!

*Y/N's POV*

"Fine! I'll tell you guys about the dream! But you have to be quiet!" I whisper yelled to the ladies sitting in front of me. I knew the guys were outside and one of the windows was cracked so they could possibly hear something. They both freaked out. "You have a crush on one of the guys?!" Sarah exclaimed almost too loud. I nodded.

"Well John B is obviously off the table." Kiara said looking to Sarah, I only nodded in response. "That leaves Pope or JJ! Unless you just don't want the guys to know about another guy?!" Sarah yelled...again. I shushed her and she apologized.

"It was about JJ." I whispered and their jaws dropped. Anyone could tell they were trying so hard not to squeal.

*JJ's POV*

John B was talking about some stupid shit dealing with Sarah when I heard my name from the room the girls went into. I sat closer to the window to do what one would call eavesdropping.

*Y/N's POV*

"So basically we were at the annual bonfire. You all were there." "Ew we were in your crazy JJ sex dream?" Thankfully Kiara questioned at a whisper. I only nodded back at her. "I was having a fun time dancing and drinking with JJ. He gave me his jacket because I expressed how cold I was to him, which made him get close to me. We started kissing. Pretty heavily might I add."

Both girls were so excited to see where the story was going. They sat criss cross in front of me begging for me to continue. "He whispered in my ear, he asked if we could take this back to the chateau. Of course since it's my brain we magically jumped to the chateau." The girls showed they understood what I meant by giggling.

"He took me inside and laid me on the guest bed. His lips kissed up and down my neck, making me moan when he would suck on my soft spots. Even in my dream he knew what he was doing." I took a pause to sit and think back to my dream.

"He pulled my shorts and panties off, then my tube top. He stopped and admired my body, putting some delicate kisses where he saw fit. He gave me one more sloppy, hungry kiss, before he traveled downward to kiss me below the belt." I secretly squeezed my thighs together after specifically remembering that part.

"Then basically he whipped out his huge cock and flipped me into doggystyle. He said some great things that would make any girl melt, but I'll keep that to myself. Anyways, we cuddled afterwards. It was great. Then there was some more kissing, which led to round 2." I smiled. " What did round 2 consist of??" Kiara asked, getting excited. "I hopped on that dick and rode him like I was a cowgirl!" They squealed so loud then we all had a long laugh. "That sounds fucking awesome." Kiara said. "I'm jealous, I need John B to do that to me." Sarah responded.

Next thing I know I hear the window opening, and JJ peeks in. "What are we talking about ladies?" He asked with a smirk. "Nothin" Kiara was calm. "Nothing!!" I was not. "Just the crazy JJ sex dream Y/N had." Sarah said out loud and realized what she had said but it was already too late. I tried to hide my face from him but he came into the room through the window. "Really? Can I share one of mine?" JJ asked before walking behind me and placing his hands on the back of my chair. The girls nodded eagerly, but in all honesty I really didn't wanna hear JJ talk about dicking some other girl down. I tried standing up but I felt a strong hand push me back into my sitting position.

"It was maybe a few nights ago. I was in my room and this girl came in, gorgeous y/h/c hair, with y/e/c eyes that I could easily get lost in. She was wearing this pretty shade of red lipstick. She was wearing it for herself, but I swear it felt like she only wore it so I could smear the shit out of it." I was slowly getting uncomfortable but the girls were enjoying this. "I sat at the edge of my bed and asked her if she'd be a good girl for me." The girls suddenly felt a little gross about the situation. "I pulled her hair into a makeshift ponytail and she sucked my di-" "Okay JJ you're done, it's not fun hearing you talk about that." Sarah said breaking the news. "You don't wanna hear how I tossed Y/N around, and fucked her so good she couldn't walk straight? What about the time I praised her so well? Or when I was the sub and she dominated me? Maybe the time I fucked her while on the phone with her ex? Or when I went down on her an-" He was cut off by the two girls screaming. He smirked to himself knowing what he did.

Not only was my jaw on the floor, but the girls' definitely were and the guys eventually heard the conversation from the window so they joined as well. "As much as I love telling you all about my sexual fantasies, I think I need to have a private conversation with the star of all of those dreams."

Everyone walked out and while he was turned around to close the window I tried to escape as well. He never turned around he simply said "You have five seconds to get that juicy ass of yours into a chair, baby." I was shocked, but complied.

"What's up Jayj?" I asked, trying to play dumb. He turned around and crouched in front of me. He rubbed his large hands up and down my thighs. "Wanna play a game?" He smirked. Oh fuck...

[featherandferns]

daylight - eight

jj maybank x fem!reader | part 8 of the daylight series | read part 7 here

content warnings: sexual content (f receiving); drug use (weed)

word count: 2.5k.

blurb: whilst watching cheesy eighties horror, you and JJ somehow end up in a fight as all the mess from the past two months finally comes to a head.

“This is the dumbest fucking movie I’ve ever seen,” you snort, passing JJ back his joint. 

“Shut up, this is the best part,” JJ mutters.

He takes a hit and the cloud of vapour clouds your vision. It temporarily blocks the view of the screen, showing Lauren Daniels, permed blonde hair and pink-sweater clad, quivering in fear atop of a shelf in her apartment. The slimy, green-toned cannibalistic monster lingers below, snarling with its fang-like teeth and beady eyes. In the light of modern C.G.I and with the humour from the high you’re on, the whole movie is ludicrous and hilarious. JJ had begged for you guys to watch it. Your vote was Legally Blonde but he turned his nose up. So, here you were, sat side by side, your feet in his lap, dazily watching C.H.U.D as you pass a joint back and forth. You’re at JJ’s house. It had the lingering household smell of weed and booze. Untidy and unkempt, there were empty beer cans and unclean laundry strewn about all over. Intermixed was mechanical parts which you assume are from his dad’s handy-man jobs. His dad was out somewhere: JJ hadn’t said and you didn’t ask. 

As Lauren tosses a bucket of developer on the monster, one of JJ’s hands absentmindedly massages your left foot. It shoots tingles up your legs. It’s weirdly domestic, this entanglement. Something about it feels more than friendly. I mean, you can’t imagine JJ messing with Kiara’s feet whilst watching a movie. Tuning out of the movie and taking another hit of the joint, your mind starts to wander. 

Things between you and JJ had gotten more and more complicated. Most conversations started with teasing jabs and ended with his dick in your mouth. Hang-outs came with the unspoken agreement of making-out at some stage. But things were deeper than sex. The conversations were deeper than those shared between fuck buddies. The touching felt more sensual than a rush to get off. There were these times you’d catch JJ looking at you, and there’d be this longing in his gaze. You knew it because you saw it in your own eyes. Catch it in the reflection of a mirror or window, or spot it in a photo taken by one of the Pogues at whatever hang. You always kept the focus on him, though. It felt easier to pleasure him than to have his hands on you. Everytime he tried to, you’d tense up and internally freak out, and spiral into thoughts and anxieties that stemmed from Tyler. In short: it scared the shit out of you to let JJ have you. You knew that the moment you’d give yourself to him would be the moment you were in too deep. 

But every time you think about bringing it up or cutting it off, you remember how relaxed you feel in JJ’s company. How seen. The two of you shared a language that didn’t require trivial things like words. The thought of JJ being the impending meteorite circling your orbit lost its weight in worry with the notion that you got to have him near. That you got to gaze upon and marvel at him when he wasn’t looking, and wonder how on earth something so pure and perfect was handed such a shitty deal in life. How someone like him wanted to spend time with someone like you. 

JJ’s knuckle hitting a pressure point in your foot has you twitching, coming back to the present. He chuckles quietly. Does it again just to get a reaction. You lightly kick at him. 

“Knock it off,” you mumble. 

“Can’t help it. S’funny,” he replies. “You hear from Mimsy recently?”

“A little. I think she’s really into Darren,” you say.

It’s weird that JJ knows about that. About Mimsy and her livelihood, and was interested enough to ask about it. He had a habit of checking up on you. Asking you about how you were feeling about Kildare, and how your parents were, how the photography was going, how Mimsy was doing. He coaxed anecdotes about Vancouver out of you whenever you felt homesick simply because he knew how much you liked talking about your home. 

“Didn’t you say he was a trust fund baby?” JJ sniggers. 

“Yeah, well, there’s worse people for her to hook up with,” you shrug, requesting the joint back with wiggling fingers.

“What? Like Lloyd?”

You glance at him, mildly bewildered. “How do you remember that?”

“Hm?”

“How do you remember Lloyd?” 

You don’t even remember mentioning him. JJ shrugs. 

“I dunno. I remember most things you tell me,” he says, looking back to the TV screen. His fingers continue rubbing the palm of your foot. You’re practically desensitised to it now. “I like hearing you talk.”

And you fucking hate it when he says things like that: passes compliments to you like it’s Monopoly currency. You hate how easy it is for him to do it, seemingly unaware of the effect it has on you.

When JJ turns to you again, likely seeking out the joint, he finds your stare set on his profile. Smiling, he asks, “what?”

Your lips twitch upwards at the deja vu. “Nothing. It’s just that you’re really fucking pretty.”

JJ eyes light up. His smile turns bashful. It's taken out of view when he dips his head, turning it away from you. You giggle and prod at his chest with your toes, teeth sinking into your lips to try and keep your cheesy grin at bay.

JJ's fingers wrap around your ankle. He drags you to him, across the sofa, making you yelp out with a laugh. Those very fingers slide up your bare legs, slipping under your pyjama shorts to cup your ass, and he tugs you into his lap. You loop your arms around his neck with a giggle, blunt still balanced precariously between two fingers, and accidentally bump his forehead in the process. The two of you laugh, doped up and dizzy, and his nose brushes yours as he calms. The two of you sit like that - you in JJ’s lap - passing Eskimo kisses, eyes closed, smiles steady. When he finally presses his lips to yours, the kiss feels different to all the other times. Less frenzied. It almost feels like he’s trying to tell you something as he brushes your lips against his. His tongue that slips into your mouth carries messages you can’t seem to decipher, as the two of you fall into one another. One of your hands strokes along his jaw, angling his head to deepen the kiss. He’s growing hard beneath you, making your cunt throb with the thought. He flinches away suddenly with a hiss. 

“What? What’s wrong?” you mumble, leaning back in his strong hold. 

He chuckles. “Fucking ash hit the back of my neck.”

Giggling, you take the joint away and carelessly put it on the coffee table behind you. Turning back to him, you find yourself taken aback by the look on his face. It makes your heart stop still in your chest before it plummets down your ribcage. You know that look. You’ve seen it on your own face, when you stare into the mirror. 

“JJ…” you whisper. 

His lips on yours silence you with a fiery kiss. You gasp against them as he picks you up and practically tosses you on your back on the sofa, with something between a grunt and growl. He scrambles to be atop of you, unapologetic as he kisses down your jawline and neck. You hurry to take off your shirt the moment his fingers tease at the hem of it. He’s back on you in a minute. Your body feels like it’s on fire. Like you might combust if someone were to light a match. And, God, do you want him to.

You rut your hips instinctively at the feel of JJ’s lips on your nipple through your thin bralette. Eyes slipping closed, head tilting back, your fingers latch into his scraggly hair. You hum out a moan. 

“So fuckin’ pretty, baby,” JJ mumbles against your heaving stomach. “So fuckin’ needy too.”

Your fingers fiddle with the back of his collar, tugging at it until he takes the hint. He grabs it by the back and pulls it off his head. Tosses it to the side, chuckling with a horny grin as he reconnects his lips to your bare skin. Your bralette joins the pile, much to JJ’s pleasure. His hands fondle at your breast; the pad of his thumb tenderly brushes over your hardening nipple before pinching it between his forefinger. You gasp out a soundless moan. 

Kissing just above the waistband of your shorts, his fingers find purchase on your hipbones. They dip below the fabric and try to coax them down. 

You feel like gravity hits. You come plummeting back down to earth. Palming at his shoulder and jaw, you try and coax his face back to yours. 

“Lemme suck you off,” you mumble, looking down at him. He looks so pretty, between your legs. 

He shakes his head with a smile. “Wanna make you feel good.”

“You don’t have to,” you say, trying to keep your voice light. You try to bring him back up to you again but JJ doesn’t relent. It takes you physically shifting out of his hold to stop him from pulling your short down. When he looks up at you, his smile is fading. You try to bring it back with one of your own. “I just wanna get you off.”

JJ pauses. Physically stills. Then, he sits back on his knees. Your smile vanishes. After knowing JJ for as long as you have, you can recognise the telltale signs of his frustration and anger. JJ looks to the TV screen, attention elsewhere, and begins to shake his head. Slow at first, then fast. All you can do is watch. Finally, he makes a sound. It’s a humourless scoff.

“Why won’t you let me touch you?” JJ asks, looking back to you. 

Your stomach twists nervously. “I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“JJ, I literally just let you feel me up,” you return with a failing laugh, brows furrowing. 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” JJ quickly returns, tone turning short. 

You blink at him, faux smile gone, and your lips bumble to find some sort of response. JJ’s irritation momentarily subsides and is instead replaced with hurt. 

You hate the vulnerable insecurity in JJ’s voice when he asks, “do you not trust me or something?”

“No, of course I do–”

“Then why do you never let me near you?” JJ snaps. He tosses out his arms. “I mean, am I not good enough for you or something?”

“What?”

“Not fucking worthy enough to see you naked, is that it?”

“Of course not,” you breathe, bewildered by the thought. 

“Then what? I don’t fucking turn you on, is that it? I just don’t do it for you and you wanna spare my fucking feelings?”

Your eyes narrow at his words. “Are you throwing what happened in the chateau in my face right now?”

“No, I just–” JJ cuts himself off with a sharp exhale, clenching his eyes shut. He clenches his fist to try and restrain his anger. His knuckles slowly lift to his lips. “I just want to know why.”

“Why the fuck do you think you deserve to?” you snap. Sitting up, you grab for your shirt and tug it on. “What? You think every person you’ve ever known owes you an explanation for why they’re not falling at your feet?”

“Oh, fuck off,” JJ mutters, shaking his head. “You’re avoiding the question.”

“I don’t need to avoid it,” you sharply return. “Cause I don’t need to fucking answer it.”

“You don’t need to answer it?”

“No, I don’t.”

“You don’t think I deserve to know why, after two months of us doing this fucking thing, you don’t let me go down on you?”

Your eyes clench shut. 

“Why you don’t let me fuck you?”

You laugh out a humourless laugh. Gape at him, eyes mean. “Oh! So that’s what this is! You’re fucking bitter cause a girl won’t let you fuck her? You know, there’s this wonderful thing in the world, JJ - you should learn about it sometime. It’s called women having rights.”

“Oh my fucking God,” JJ spits, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers as his eyes shut. “You’re fucking impossible, you know that?”

“And you’re an entitled prick. Guess we both have each other’s number now,” you quickly retort.

You get to your feet and search for JJ’s shirt, finding it on the other side of the coffee table. The drivel coming out of the television only pisses you off more, so you shut it off. 

“What aren’t you telling me?” JJ asks. His voice is calmer, though still strung tight. With your back to him, he can’t see the look on your face. He can’t see the physical pain that question causes you. “I thought things were good between us.”

You look down and your eyes close. Fist scrunching JJ’s t-shirt in your hold, your lips purse to keep from quivering. You knew this was a bad idea. Most things are, when it comes to romance. Somebody always gets hurt. 

“Well? Aren’t they?”

You take a shaking intake of air and finally find enough courage to turn. JJ’s not angry anymore. He looks just as dejected as you feel. You shake your head weakly. 

“What are we doing, JJ?”

“I…” His mouth moves but no words come out. Until they do. “We’re just messing around.”

It feels like that’s the final shot to your stomach that sends your whole world crashing. As if laying down to rest, your eyes slip shut. 

“Yeah, well, it’s certainly a fucking mess now, isn’t it?” you whisper.

You throw him his shirt with no conviction. He only just catches it as it slides down his chest. For once in his life, JJ doesn’t seem to have anything to say. Shaking your head, breaking his stare, you run your fingers through your hair.

“I’ll see you around, JJ.”

As you walk past him, towards the door, you hear JJ call out your name. You don’t stop. Don’t turn. Don’t think about anything but Vancouver the entire way home, as if it’s some escapist daydream. Halfway to your house, you try to call Mimsy but she doesn't pick up. You try again as you walk through the door. Home alone, the house feels just as lonely as yourself. With one final attempt, you go to voicemail for a third time. You leave her a mess of a voicemail. And then, you crawl into bed.

part nine coming soon!

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@princessuki21 | @psyches-reid | @heybank | @avengersgirllorianna | @rrosiitas | @yourmumstoy | @jjsfavgirl | @void21 | @fictionalcomforts | @gsp420 | @redhead1180 | @wearemadeofstardust0 | @mrs-jjmaybank | @ifilwtmfc | @heybank | @lilyw1235 | @belle101200 | @maybankskiss | please tell me if any tags aren't working - I've never done taglists before!

[jenniferjareauwife]

hi hi i love ur writing sm😇do you think we could get an imagine where jj and r have an established relationship, and somebody (an officer wherever they are for the case or smth) is flirting with r but she’s oblivious, and jj gets a little anxious. then r has to reassure jj, and maybe you could add just a smidge of angst before that and have jj ignore r and r doesn’t realise why until jj brings it up. also if you’re comfortable w it you could add some smut at the end, preferably w some body worship (jj receiving) thank you sm🙏🏻🙏🏻

He Was Flirting?

pairing: jennifer jareau x reader

category: slight angst, smut

warnings: smut, scissoring r & jj, body worship jj, switch jj & r

word count: 988

summary: you're on a case and an officer is flirting with you, your girlfriend notices but you don't when leads to the silent treatment and some sexy time 😏

JJ, Officer Hicks and I walked through Boston's Back Bay, observing the nearest crime scene. The victims all had y/h/c hair and y/e/c eyes, same height and my age exactly. It kind of freaked me out a little bit but I knew I wasn't in trouble. No one would mess with an FBI Agent and anyone who knew Ms. Jennifer Jareau would not want to mess with her girlfriend.

"Pretty girls like you better stay safe around here." Officer Hicks said, both hands on his waist as he looked at me with a small smile. I just gave him a small nod, feeling a bit creeped out about the crime scene.

We got back to the station 20 minutes later and I went to the break room for a coffee, hoping to spend some time with JJ after this tiring day. I walked up to her to go talk to her but as soon as I opened my mouth she pushed past me and walked away. Oh. That sting a bit. I turned around to follow her but was stopped by Hicks when he walked into the break room. "Hey hon." He said with his lopsided smile.

"Hi." I looked over his shoulder at JJ who looked completely pissed off. "Hey do you um-"

"You should smile more. It looks good on you." I nodded. I didn't really smile a lot and it was something my friends always told me to do so I took it lightheartedly.

"Thanks." I froze as JJ and I made eye contact. She looked like she was seething with anger. I turned to Hicks and gave him a smile, trying not to to look anxious.

"Sorry to interrupt. Agent Y/l/n and I have to get going." She grabbed my hand with an iron grip. "Come on babe let's go." She kissed me passionately on the lips, making Hicks's jaw drop. Once she pulled away I was left speechless, feeling a familiar heat burn in my lower belly.

"Yeah...yeah let's go." I agreed, letting her drag me out of the station.

Once we got back to the hotel room she was all over me. Her hands were on my ass and her lips were attacking my neck, leaving hickeys and marks everywhere she could reach. "Jayje...JJ." I pushed her away slightly, wanting to see her face. She looked down at me with lustful eyes while gnawing on her bottom lip. "I wanna see you."

"You've gotta earn it after flirting with Hicks sweetheart." She pushed me down onto the bed, making me whine.

"What...what? I wasn't flirting...was that flirting?" I was panicking right now, was she mad at me?

"That was most definitely flirting." Her eyes had a hard look to them again. "Don't try to get yourself out of this."

"I'm not trying to get out of anything just please...please." I tugged at the collar of her shirt, wanting to kiss her all over. "JJ please." I pulled her down on top of me and pulled off her shirt quickly so she couldn't protest. My eyes widened once I saw the swells of her breasts. She didn't protest when I unclasped her bra so I took that as a sign to flip her over, kissing ever inch of her skin that I could reach.

I cupped her breasts in my hands and moaned against her skin as I started to rock against hers, our clits bumping against each other. "JJ...JJ fuck you're so pretty." I couldn't get enough of her, just wanting her to know how pretty she was. I looked up at her though my lustful eyes and saw her blush. "I love you so much. You're so pretty- fuck." My eyes rolled to the back of my head as my hips bucked forward.

"You look so hot on top of me like this." She said with a soft laugh, reminding me of her dominance over me. I kept grinding against her and leaving kisses all over her body. She deserved it, she was so beautiful.

She gripped my waist in a bruising grip so I kept my pace. I could tell she was reaching her high, the way her muscles twitched under my lips. I could get off on her cumming, she just looked so fucking hot while doing it and I never hesitated to tell her that. "Fuck...fuck JJ I'm gonna cum."

"Me too baby." She held me close to her as I left sloppy kisses over her breasts. I kept my body as close to hers as possible, just wanting her to feel how much I loved her. "Y/n...y/n I'm coming!" I lifted my head up so I could kiss her as she rode out her orgasm. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I climaxed, kissing all over her face and neck, not caring where I kissed just caring that I was kissing her.

"I love you I love you I love you." I chanted, pulling away once I got too sensitive. I left sloppy kisses along her jaw before dropping my head to her shoulder.

"You ok?" She panted, dragging her fingertips over my back. I gave her a small nod and snuggled up close to her.

"I'm sorry for flirting with him...I didn't know." I whispered, tracing shapes on her belly. I felt her inhale and exhale sharply, trying to get the air back in her lungs. "I really love you...and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize...I'm sorry for getting jealous. You weren't even flirting, it was just him."

"I didn't like the silent treatment." I told her quietly. I felt her chest cave in a bit.

"I'm sorry honey. I won't do it again, ok? I really should've communicated with you better. I'm really sorry."

"It's ok." I kissed her stomach. "I love you so much." I mumbled against her skin thinking maybe she would absorb it. It was silly but I wanted her to know how loved she was.

"I love you more baby."